#I just really like oshi no ko. no I'm not up to date on the anime. no I didn't read the manga. no Im not hyperfixated

[dekuscalves]

I swear to god I had an explanation for this. I don't have it anymore

[aihoshiino]

chapter 154 thoughts

Chapters Since The 143 Kiss Happened And Went Entirely Unacknowledged And Unaddressed Count: 11

Aqua Hoshigan Status: (Still) white

man

This is one of those chapters where, technically speaking, I should probably be tearing it to bits (AND I DEFINITELY WILL) - it represents a pretty substantial break in or retcon to the series continuity as it's been presented to us thus far and the actions of certain characters in the lead up to this event don't quite make sense if they've had access to some of the information that's seemingly been in their hands for a while but… would you guys forgive me if I said I didn't really care LOL. As I've said before, I'm the sort of reader who can excuse a lot of raw Plot Bullshit so long as I feel like the hearts of the characters are intact and for all its fumbles, this is a chapter I think is unerringly dedicated to the hearts of its characters. I've made no secret of the fact that Ai is and always has been my main avenue of investment in Oshi no Ko as a series and in this chapter, we uncover the final secret in her heart in particular after having the entire series thus far dedicated to laying it bare to us.

We pick up exactly where we left off last chapter with the reveal that the HKAI breakup was indeed founded on Ai's pregnancy, as a lot of us had predicted.

This, uh, does not quite line up with previous events!

From what we'd previously been told, in terms of placement in the timeline, the death of Airi and her husband happened after the twins were born and sometime in the leadup to the Dome concert, which would put it in the ballpark of Ai's 18th to 20th birthday depending on how long it was in the works for. But based on how this flashback section is structured, it seems to place their deaths before Ai even knew she was pregnant, let alone giving birth. If it was just clashing with 15YL's retelling then I could dismiss that as an element of the movie's fictionalization that we've seen and Kamiki alludes to but this also clashes with where this event was placed temporally by Ichigo, when remembering a real life event. So… What gives!!!!

Like, at the end of the day, the exact placement of Uehara's death only matters inasmuch as it needs to be before Ai gets her new apartment, since the point Ichigo is really making is that Aqua is pinning his hopes on a dead man who was dead before he could have ever contributed to Ai's murder. But placing it that far back in the timeline - before the twins were even born! - just makes Aqua's willful ignorance in relation to it come off as a lot sillier and more difficult to swallow than if it happened closer to Ai's actual date of death.

I'm also a little disappointed that we really quickly breeze past Ai revealing she's pregnant - it's not the point of the scene overall and it would be weird to go really deep into her POV in the middle of a Kamiki flashback but one of my big issues with the Movie Arc was that it ripped past anything and everything to do with Ai's pregnancy, including how she herself felt about being pregnant. Like I said in my 145 review, skipping over the parts of it we've seen makes sense but I think there's still a bunch of really fascinating potential in exploring how Ai felt when she realized she was pregnant - how did she hide it for long enough that she was almost halfway through her pregnancy and getting fucking enormous before her first checkup? How did Ichigo and Miyako react when they first got the news? There's so much juicy character and relationship work you could mine out of that but the story fails to do so. We sort of get a crumb of this in the DVD but her feelings there are all centered on the pregnancy in relation to Hikaru and even then she breezes past it so fast it's clearly not meant to be the focus of any of what she's saying and idk. For a character whose entire hook is her struggles with motherhood, familial love and all the rest of it, that's a little disappointing.

THAT SAID!!! All that makes me sound like I didn't like what went on with Ai this chapter but I actually loved it. It's so painfully in line with everything we've been told and shown about her thus far in the manga and in this chapter, we see all her strengths, weaknesses and human contradictions laid bare in a way I find incredibly rewarding and compelling.

The HKAI breakup especially is just soooooo deliciously cringe inducing. It's an echo of the argument with Nino that 15YL portrays, where Ai's good intentions, avoidant tendencies and absolute absence of tact all snowball and end up ruining one of her most important relationships. Like… I can't believe I'm about to say this about a conversation in which Ai is one of the people talking, but she really is the reasonable one here! She's right to identify that their relationship is not working, that adding babies and marriage to the mix will only make things worse - her intentions, as they always are, are good and she's making her decisions with Kamiki in mind… her delivery is just absolutely dogshit!!! GIRL, PLEASE, YOUR WORDS!!!! USE YOUR WORDS!!!!!

For all my issues with Akasaka's writing lately, I think he portrays these kinds of two sided failures of communication so well, where you can see exactly where both characters are coming from and why they are failing to get their feelings across to each other. From an outsider's POV it's clear as day that Ai views herself and her children as the burden, one she doesn't want to put on Kamiki for the sake of a girl who doesn't even know if she can love him… but is it any wonder why Kamiki took it the way he did and why his guts were so utterly wrenched out as a result?

Kamiki's attempted proposal and Ai's immediate rejection of it are really interesting with the context of 45510 in particular. Extrapolating from her talk of marriage there, she brushed him off so quickly because she simply didn't believe he was serious… and yeah, he's pretty clearly not fully cognizant of the weight of what he's trying to propose, never mind that he's meeting "let's break up" with "LET'S GET MARRIED" lol.

Also interesting to extrapolate from both 45510 and other material surrounding Ai is that, at that point in her life, she simply didn't understand what the point of marriage was. On top of her being Literally Sixteen And A Child right now, Ai is said to have come from a deeply dysfunctional home where her mother engaged in a number of equally dysfunctional relationships, at least one of whom was with a man who was creeping on Ai even as he was working up to marry her mom. It's no wonder she doesn't really take the idea of marriage seriously, but it still hurts so see her reject Kamiki so bluntly - even more bluntly in the Japanese text somehow, simply chirping 無理! (Muri!) in response, i.e, not just "no way" but telling Kamiki to his face it's impossible.

Honestly this whole breakup scene is so darkly hilarious just in terms of how bad Ai is completely beefing it. Congrats babygirl that's the worst anyone's ever done it!!!

And we finally get the "I can't love you" drop after just shy of 25 chapters of buildup…….. And honestly, it feels a little hollow.

I talked about this a little before so forgive me for repeating myself but that line - or rather, Aqua and Ruby's implied misunderstanding of it - from Ai to Hikaru was given a huge amount of weight in the story when it was first introduced. It was implied to be the lynchpin in which everything else about the HKAI romance rested only for the story to go UH WELL ACTUALLY IT'S ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT AI FORGIVES HER KILLER which is like… fine, it just feels very jarring on a reread or when trying to sew together a plot thread like this. It especially feels strange because the emphasis is placed on them not getting it right or at least that Gotanda disagrees with their interpretation, only for the manga to whip back around and not only return this line to its previous heightened importantance but also to largely not line up with what was established about this line and its place in the narrative when it was first introduced. It's just more evidence that Akasaka's plans for the Movie Arc and its resolution changed in some way during serialisation because these inconsistencies are pretty glaring.

Not just that, but like… it's hard to feel impacted by this line when we didn't even see it in the Movie Arc. In general, it's so fucking weird that so much about the main emotional resolutions going on right now revolve around Ruby's performance in the movie when most of the big emotional moments people are reacting to are happening entirely offscreen. This would already be bad even if it wasn't taking place in a manga like OnK with its increasingly frustrating habit of offscreening more and more bits of the story that are extremely important for the characters. Before this chapter I would've said that maybe we'd see some of it after the movie released but given that Kamiki's arc and the revenge play as a whole is pretty clearly wrapping here, what would even be the point of it?

Idk. It's just increasingly obvious (and just as frustrating) to me just how much of the Movie Arc was wasted time and how much of the setup that needed to happen to make what follows really land just… didn't. This chapter's resolution for Ai and Hikaru, both separately and as a couple, is still excellent, but it could have been a lot better if its foundations weren't so meager.

We also finally get concrete proof from the horse's mouth that Kamiki was the one who deliberately leaked Ai's address and……. honestly this is kind of a wet fart too lol. OnK has previously very strongly implied that "Kamiki is Ai's killer" was a red herring or that we should at least be slightly skeptical of Aqua's assertions and conclusions but… nope, he was right all along, I guess?? Alright………………………… I certainly don't believe his insistence that gosh he totes didn't think Ryosuke would go THAT far and I'm still wondering wtf the two of them were doing at the hospital the night the twins were born but like. Honestly at this point, I don't really think it matters and I care much more about emotional resolutions than I do granular plot details - and boy do we get one hell of an emotional resolution.

I haven't shouted her out yet because I was saving it for this section but fuck, man, Mengo's expression work told chapter is killer as usual but this final stretch of pages is just gutwrenching. Ai's gentle, rueful smile on the DVD contrasted with the look of shocked, dawning understanding on Kamiki's….. Jesus Christ.

And at last, we uncover the final secret hidden at the bottom of Ai's heart. The entire manga thus far has been a process of stripping away the viewer's willful ignorance with regards to Ai's humanity but the DVDs had been an oddly ominous mystery box floating around, containing some implied dark secret that would change the entire trajectory of Ai's character as we knew it… but of course, the person who tells us that is Ai herself, a girl who hates herself, thinks of herself as dirty and impure, irresponsible and incapable of love.

So is it really any surprise that her darkest secret, the thing she can only confess with her eyes shining with black stars is simply that she's a fallible human? That she was a lonely young girl, confused and hurt in her own ways and that she hurt someone she dearly cared for and wanted to take it back?

Is it a little convenient that she put all this in the DVD? Yes, absolutely, and I'll be the first to say that the DVDs existing at all are a pretty clear retcon in service of getting info onto Aqua's hands. But it's also perfectly in line with Ai's timid, avoidant methods of reaching out. It parallels both Viewpoint B and 45510 (moreso the latter) where she pours her heart out in words, waiting for others to read and understand her. In 45510 in particular, her leaving the blog post is an extremely clear and strong parallel to the DVD - love letters put into bottles and thrown to the ocean in desperate hope the person they're addressed to might find and understand them.

As Akane says, Ai is torn between secrecy and a desire to have her true self exposed, so she attempts to craft scenarios in which this must happen, even if her avoidance can only allow her to do so with indirect methods. With the blog and moreso the DVDs & their method of delivery, Ai attempts to create situations where the initiation confrontation and disclosure is out of her hands and she has no choice but to tell the truth.

Ai's entire speech here is just heartbreaking. If the start of the chapter didn't make it explicit enough, we see her here put her good intentions into words to better understand how they were misinterpreted.

This adds SUCH a fascinating additional layer to her death that has me gnashing my fucking teeth. One of the things I've talked about a lot in my Ai meta is that Ryosuke is essentially an agent or even an embodiment of the entertainment industry and the way it has exploited her - the misogyny, entitlement, purity culture and abuse that ruled her life went on to end it. With this additional detail, though, Ryosuke becomes an agent not just of the things that plagued Ai of B-Komachi, but Ai as a human, too. All her life, Ai is willfully misunderstood and mischaracterized by the people around her, assigned narratives and roles without her consent and punished for both living up to and failing to live up to them. Ai's death is the end result of a lifelong cascade of failure on the part of every system and individual that has had the opportunity and responsibility to care for her - and, as Aqua throws in his father's face, that includes Hikaru.

Hikaru's supposed understanding of Ai is not one based in empathy or love but projection and possessiveness - understanding in this context is ownership, exclusivity and frankly, arrogance. A claim to a piece of Ai that no one else knows. But as Aqua forces him to realize… Hikaru never understood Ai, even as she did her best to make herself understood. For all his arrogance of understanding Ai and the nature of their relationship, Kamiki is ultimately just the same as every other person who idolized and objectified her then discarded her when the image they'd created in their mind didn't match reality. Ai wasn't his pure and perfect soulbonded saviour - she was a lonely, broken kid like him, still struggling to understand love after a lifetime spent starved of it.

Once, Kamiki begged Ai to save him. And here, the bitter truth is laid out for all of us: the salvation Kamiki had wished for was waiting for him, reaching out with open arms and he not only desecrated it but irrevocably destroyed any path back towards it. In killing Ai, Hikaru Kamiki killed himself.

The imagery of this moment is so fucking gorgeous. The visual of Kamiki and Ai reaching out to each other, in mutual understanding at last but separated by time and death… the "what if" happy Hoshino family… Ai's words being framed as a 'love letter' that transcended time to reach Kamiki and Aqua's eyes blazing with white as tears pour down his face… Jesus fucking Christ Mengo I'm already dead!!!!!

Like I said up top, I make zero secret of the fact that I am primarily invested in Ai above everything else in the manga and the way her importance has been seemingly downplayed since the late 130s mark chapter wise has really bugged me. As such, this chapter was INSANELY cathartic for me. Not only do we get a really beautiful cap to Ai's post death arc (hopefully finally killing those dumbfuck Secretly Evil Ai theories for good) but it's done in a way that once again recenters her love and her wishes as the heart of everything. Even Aqua's revenge play is completely redefined in this context - no longer the childish, selfish and self destructive lashing out we've seen before but as a quest to both honor Ai and to punish the person arrogantly assuming ownership of her heart even as he so catastrophically misunderstands her.

This is a really fantastic end to Aqua's arc too… on paper, that is. I know for a fact that a certain genre of OnK readers are going to bitch and moan that Aqua didn't run his dad over with a 2003 Honda Civic but I really can't imagine Aqua's revenge quest going any other way unless OnK was intended to be a pure tragedy. Over and over, we have seen that Aqua's revenge is at odds with not just his happiness but with Ai's wish for him to live a full life with a bright future. It is self destructive, hurtful to the people around him and antithetical to any of them moving on and reclaiming what their futures. With the emphasis the story places on moving towards a happy future, in selfishly reclaiming your happiness even in the face of systems that seek to crush you and on honouring Ai's wishes and legacy, it would be flatly thematically incoherent for Aqua to choose killing.

The issue is not with this as Aqua's end point but with the path we've taken to get here. As was the issue with Ruby during the Movie Arc, we don't actually see any of the internal work that happened in service of this arc, just the big emotional end points of offscreen development. But it stings especially bad with Aqua when such a huge chunk of the last few arcs locked us out of his head, sharply contrasting the start of the story that lived and breathed his interiority - AND when this is more or less the capstone to his series long struggle to choose love or revenge. It's not that I dislike this as an emotional payoff for Aqua's revenge - this is more or less beat for beat what I'd expected - but that it lacks proper support from the rest of the story. In general, this chapter falls flatter than it should because all this heightened, dramatic emotion rests on arcs and setup that simply have not been shown to the reader, save for Ai.

Speaking of Ai, the info in the DVD here potentially represents a pretty major break in the continuity of Aqua's behaviour based on when we're told he had access to it but I'm willing to bite my tongue and see if that gets filled in, if only because this chapter review is already so fucking long. Let's just say that I Noticed and I sure hope Aka or his editors did too.

And finally… Oh, hey there, Ruby! Aren't you an interesting little snarl to this chapter. Or maybe "snarl" isn't quite right, but her presence here is potentially interesting either way. I'm not quite sure how to read both her expression and her presence - the expression on her face looks VERY displeased and it looks to me like she's outside the room, so is she maybe eavesdropping and not happy with what she hears? Or is she in on Aqua's talk with Kamiki here and just struggling with her emotions with regards to it all? I'm quiety hoping it's the latter, because it would confirm that Ruby DID recognize her dad in 147 and Akasaka wasn't expecting me to believe he was hitting her with the stupid stick quite that hard lol.

In either case, I'm actually excited to see what Ruby takes away from this. In the ways that AQRB has echoed the HKAI dynamic, Ruby has always been in Kamiki's shoes - the one desperate to be saved, clinging to her oshi and relying on him as her sole bastion of light in the world. So what will she think now after being faced with the logical endpoint of this wished-for codependence? When she sees how destructive and self destructive it can potentially be? Just as she saw Ai reflected in herself, will Ruby see her father in her own reflection - and if so, what will she do about it?

Break next week! So we'll be sitting pretty for two weeks to find out. Not that I actually mind this time because with a chapter like this on top of season 2 of the anime coming back today, a week without a break might have actually killed me… please, akamengo, i'm just a little guy!!!!

[oddeyes588]

So, it's not like I've posted ANYTHING regarding this, but add Oshi no Ko to the list of things I'm obsessed with. Surprise surprise, and now I have to ramble about SOMETHING in it. ANYTHING.

So I'm gonna ramble about something that came up with friends in discord.

Anybody ever think about how much more immensely tragic Gorou's death is when you think about how it must have seemed from Ai's perspective?

OnK speeds through this part of the story pretty quickly, shooting from 20 weeks to 40 weeks into Ai's pregnancy while only showing us a glimpse of what happens during this period, such as seeing Ai being accompanied by Gorou when she goes on a walk, with an inner monologue from Gorou about how he's promised to make sure her kids are delivered safely.

As such, we don't really have much insight into what their relationship or dynamic was like, but it's clear that at the very least, they got along well. Ultimately, the story isn't about this part of her life, and whatever happens here she ultimately moves past along with her kids. HOWEVER! We can reasonably assume that they had a friendly relationship, because...

Ai very specifically wanted him to be there. Ai Hoshino, a 16-year-old girl pregnant with twins, who has been failed by the majority of the adults in her life... goes "pout pout, it has to be you!" when he mentions that other doctors will be available if he isn't.

She implicitly asks him, the doctor who's sworn to make sure she has a healthy delivery and has been with her every step of the way since she got here, to be there. Remember, Ai is 16 here. She's all smiles, but as we know, she was just as much of a human being as everyone else. She is 16 and pregnant with TWINS. It's going to be the equivalent of pushing a watermelon through a bagel, TWICE. There's no way that she wasn't nervous underneath her perfectly-practiced smile.

The show makes a gag about Gorou going silent when asked what he would do if Ai asked him to date her, but let's be clear here, Gorou was by all means a very responsible and compassionate adult. He was obsessed with idols, specifically Ai, but he treats her with respect and remains professional about the whole thing, and we can be sure that he would've kept her secret. No matter what gags are made because of his idol obsession and the time he spent with Sarina, I think we can comfortably say that when push comes to shove, Gorou Amemiya tries to do the right thing at the end of the day.

Essentially, what I'm trying to say is... in this moment, Gorou was a trusted adult, someone who Ai felt comfortable around and therefore wanted to have there during this moment of immense stress.

...so imagine how it must have felt then, when she went into labor. OnK is pretty tasteful concerning what parts of that process is shown, giving us just a brief shot of her screaming her lungs out while surrounded by nurses... but think about it.

The person she implicitly wanted there at that moment to ensure she gives birth safely... left and never came back.

Just another person added to the pile of adults who abandoned her when she needed them, right? The fact that Ruby and Aqua were born safely must have been the only relief she had that night... but Gorou's body wasn't discovered at that time. By all means, he had just left the hospital and went missing without a word, and that's where the tragedy gets even worse.

Because the only reason Gorou wasn't there, was because he was dying. He chased after a person who was stalking Ai, someone who put her family in danger, and was killed. And what were his dying thoughts?

That he needs to get back. That he made a promise. That he has to make sure her kids are born safely.

Ultimately she moves past this. Her kids are born safely, and in the end it's not like adults failing her has been uncommon throughout her life. But god, it's hard not to think about how she must've felt in that moment, going through the agony and terror of literal childbirth, waiting and waiting for this one adult who promised to support her, for hours and hours... and he just never shows up.

Though I guess in one sense, he does show up... just not in a way anybody could've expected.

[yuseirra]

An analysis of Aqua Hoshino's character and drive & his feelings towards kana

**oshi no ko spoilers**

I'd been following onk time to time, but I def decided to pick it back up after having read aqua's feelings towards kana was confirmed in the recent chapters.

I was all like YES!! Finally!! About time!! because I thought that was something really obvious throughout this piece. I never saw it any other way. (This is my personal take, no offense on anyone who's thought otherwise!!) I wouldn't say I was entirely satisfied with all the things that happened in between..things were a bit messy. I still felt his character was always very consistent, however.

I wrote my thoughts about him, like one I did with Ai sometime back in May. so this analysis doesn't reflect the new stuff that's came after that.. but I still think a lot of what I've written here still stands. This is how I personally interpret the character and the stuff that's been going on in his heart. I think he's the most well-written character in this series along with Ai.. I was impressed about it when I first got into this series, I hope that will remain until the end

*this was originally written in a different language. It's machine-translated+ edited a little to make more sense

I've heard some spoilers about the development of onk, and I feel I did a pretty job with bringing Aqua's character right in my fan comics of him! It was all on point. I wrote a lot of analysis about Aqua's psychology but it's all gone, I wish some of it were left... Aqua's love for Kana is something that's been hinted at a lot, and I don't think there's much room to believe otherwise. I think it's pretty obvious that he's been in love with Kana the whole time. He'd been acting the way he is because the character is very mentally cornered and in self-doubt that he doesn't deserve to find happiness. In turn, he represses his feelings, but when he becomes a little cheerful, you see him turning his attention to Kana, and when he sees Kana, he's revitalized. If you follow Aqua's feelings, it's very natural that it comes out like this, he has a crush on Kana. I'm proud that I recognized that in the latest development, I'm proud that I recognized it properly. I'm so proud. But there was a lot of plot device and all leading up to it, so…I think it was in vol 10? When he thought he didn't have to take revenge, Aqua smiled relaxedly as if he had been saved for a while and dated Kana, so I think the reason he's trying to take revenge is because of his guilt over Ai rather than it being its true wants. He hates himself for having been unable to save the ones he's cared for, and he's so miserable and tormented that he doesn't care what happens to him. The funny thing is that even though he can't tolerate himself being happy, he's happy when he sees Kana. He feels both good and troubled because he can't help having her brightening his mood up again. He didn't have the heart to fully enjoy those feelings, but as soon as he thought there was no need to revenge, he straight makes a move on kana. The reason why Aqua dived back to continue his vengeance is because he realized that the person he was to revenge was still alive and well.

In fact, revenge is a way for Aqua to inflict sufferings to himself. If you look at his psychology, he doesn't enjoy revenge, but rather wants to be comfortable, and he was mentally exhausted to the point where he thought he would die after he finished her revenge (that's how his vows to revenge acted as his reason to continue living for awhile), but when he met someone he liked (Kana) or someone who cared for him(Akane), aqua starts to realize that he has more to live for. There's also Ruby, the precious child he once wanted to protect in his past life but couldn't. At this point, if Aqua goes through with his revenge, he might actually make himself even more unhappy, because he's going to make all those precious people around him suffer with him if he does. He can't just throw himself away now because seeing them makes him want to live a little longer, wish to be happy.

I think the major deal here would have to do with how the "revenge" will be brought out. That is something that's brought in as the main conflict element of the work. Ai's death is the most powerful event in the story, as it's the trigger, and it has a very strong grip on the characters, and it needs to have a strong grip on the story. I don't think any of the readers would want to see it fizzle out.

However, Aqua… I think he's a well-described character. This guy hasn't changed at all. Heck, he's not even that tough. He's not that relentless or decisive, so I'm not sure if he's really going to cut it for the revenge, and I don't think revenge will make him so happy (That's why I think Kana is the one who should take him. I'm not saying they have to be together, but I'd be happy if they end up walking in the same direction in the future. The reason why I support Aqukana is because they have mutual feelings towards each other and they're happy to be together. I think it would be nice to see that happen, but let's see how things'll play out..) I believe the method aqua COULD work with is to give the person he's revenging more trauma than he's experienced himself, and I think that can happen from conveying Ai's true feelings to the said character. Aqua seems to be aiming for that.

One of the keywords of this work is "lie", but the work seems to imply that there is some sincerity in the lies. Ai says that her lies were also love, and I wonder if something about that will come out again?

Anyway, it seems that the Ai's sincerity was not properly conveyed to the person Aqua wants to get revenge on. When told to them in hindsight, it must be something that can shock them in some way, and it seems that Ai herself wanted for it get across too. That's why Aqua wants to create the movie. I feel it's the right direction for him to do so as well, for it'll be passing on Ai's will.

+ Below are some more thoughts about Aqua's psyche.

Aqua is a character that deserves to be psychoanalyzed. I listened to Mephisto again after a long time, and I think the song really captures the character's psychology. I think the deepest core of Aqua's character is that he can't forgive herself for things that he's not really responsible for, and he punishes herself for that, and that punishment manifests itself in the form of not being able to allow himself to be happy, giving up and letting go to extreme extents. He does not value himself.

I think this is an attitude that is carried over from the character's previous life, and I think the death of his mother during his birth weighed heavily on him. He originally wanted to be a surgeon, but he switched to obstetrics and gynecology, and this was the beginning of his struggle. It appears like he was living a somewhat cheerful life up to this point, but that wasn't all, the guilt that he caused his mother's death was always there. Because before dying and being reincarnated, he mentioned something like "I thought that people like me would fall to hell"<. This was in episode 1, so I wondered just what's made him feel that way. If you review the whole story so far, that's about the only reason I feel could explain him downplay himself like that. He was a doctor. He had a life where he tried a lot and achieved something, being murdered and had it all reaped away, he doesn't seem to be so resentful and angry about this. The last thing he thinks is that he should be next to Ai and watch her over well as a doctor. I don't think this is because he has no attachment to his former life, rather, it's probably because he never placed a lot of value on himself., He didn't have a painful life like Ruby did, and he was a really kind and good person his previous life, so it's not like he needs to be so condescending about himself but he's like that.

This attitude of his continues, and Aqua is a bit obsessive about protecting other people's lives because he thinks he's taken someone else's life just by being born. It only worsens after he fails to save a patient he cared about, and his idol, his mother in this life, dies in front of his eyes. Even though he became a doctor and learned medical knowledge to save someone, in the former case, it wasn't a patient she could save, and in the latter case, he was young to do something and with Ai being critically injured, there was nothing that could be done.

The compulsion that was already there could only intensify, and with the death of Ai, I think this character completely lets go of his reason to live, because he hates himself for being so helpless. I think it's easier for him to take all the blame for the situation (even though it's all external factor, and he's not responsible for it) and take all the resentment and sadness for the situation on himself. If you look closely, you can see that even though he says he's going to kill the person who killed his child, he's not really interested in the person himself: what does he look like, how is he living, does he have a family, what is his psychology, why did he kill Ai, etc. If you look at the lyrics of Mephisto, it's like, "I don't care what happens to me as long as you survive," which is very self-loathing. Aqua is in a very precarious state, and he's very depressed. He tries to convince himself that finding and avenging the one responsible for Ai's murder is his sole purpose to live. He can't allow herself to be happy, because his mindset goes: "Ai's suffered such misery, and I dare be happy and live a normal life? No can do, I couldn't protect her, I don't deserve that". <This thought acts as punishment to his unforgivable self, and it prevents him from fully enjoying other things and living in peace.

There are two main ways that this character can make himself feel better: first, in terms of his own behavior, he seems to feel better by helping others. Even though his behavior keeps hurting the girls' feelings, Aqua is a character who likes to help others. He's good at supporting others, and he's often seen smiling behind their backs after having done so. I think the fact that he felt saved when he realized Ruby was the patient he cared about is an extension of this, and it fits his personality to believe it's enough for him to see the girl he couldn't save is living happily If other people are happy, he's happy. That's his core personality.

The other would be to find something to like and love, which, unlike the act of helping others earlier, is not something Aqua does on purpose, but something he came to naturally find in his new life. And it was Kana who gave this to Aqua.

This is why Aqua likes Kana but keeps her at a distance. He's not supposed to be happy, but whenever he thinks, "I want to be happy…" Aqua sees Kana. Spending time with Kana makes Aqua happy. When he think of happy memories, Kana fills him up. She makes him smile, laugh, and relax. He seems to like people like Kana, and he never gets tired of watching her, just as he enjoyed watching her as a fan. 'I'm going to die, I'm not going to be happy, and she's a celebrity now, and being close to me is scandalous, and there's nothing good about being close to me, and I'm in the dark (laughs), and I'm going to lose my humanity and become a vengeance demon, and she's going to be unhappy with me'. He tries to convince himself he's no good, but he still ends up hanging with her because, well, he likes her and it happens. And then he pushes Kana away, because he thinks there are reasons why him and Kana wouldn't work out. He thinks it's bad for her. This leads Kana to think Aqua doesn't have feelings for her, but she still likes him through all that;;; and it's been like that the whole time. That's why they made so little progress while they have mutual feelings towards one another. Aqua needs to forgive himself first before anything, but on his path of revenge due to him being unable to do that, he's done even more unforgivable things that he thinks are unforgivable, he's really screwed up now. He's put himself in a really tough spot.

The fact that someone who's not that compatible with revenge and whose personality is kind in essence is trying to force it (this ties in with Aqua's characterization two paragraphs above, that he likes to help others. Aqua thinks that he was unable to do anything for Ai, so he can't give up her revenge because he thinks going through with it is for Ai's sake), he wavers, and even though he seems to be calm, he keeps hesitating and stumbling. And while doing so, he's hurt the people around him over and over, making him feel self-deprecating and self-hating. That's a really bad cycle. Aqua actually cares a lot about the people around him. If Akane, Ruby, Kana, or the couple who raised him are in danger, he'll hold off on revenge AGAIN. But he can't give up on revenge either. As long as he thinks about Ai, he won't give up.

The only way for Aqua to be truly happy is to live with people who love him. But he also has to make sure that he's done the right thing for Ai, and I think the key is to really understand what she wanted. If she actually fully embraced the person who murdered her… I think that'd be cruel. I don't think it should be so. Idols are people, too. They shouldn't have to accept everything. Should they refuse to hate and resent others even though they died so unjustly? I don't think the manga will go that way, and I think while Ai always smiled, she had some darkness in her heart. So I'm not sure how this will be resolved at this stage, but that's that.

In this piece, Kana is the one who makes Aqua smile at the moment. So it seems like going in that direction would be happiness for this character, but in order for Aqua to get there, he needs to tie the knot with Ai and stop hating himself. I don't know how that's going to happen, but if this comic is going to have a happy ending, it's going to happen. I don't know how it'd get there, but I don't think this comic is going to have an unhappy ending for Aqua at all. I don't think it's going to end in tragedy. That is all!

[angelismmm]

Finally another arlan enjoyer! Could I get some hcs of a relationship with best boy?

(＾▽＾) relationship hcs ft. ARLAN !

��� pairings. arlan x gn!reader

☆ synopsis. just relationship hcs w arlan, thats it lmao

☆ a/n. i just picked randomly with a wheel for which ask would i do while waiting for oshi no ko requests aksmdkasdm

⁂ how did it start?

again, like i specified in my other hc fic, or wtv, he meets you through asta! kind of seems like the type to not rly be all that social unless you already know him, or if its for business

kind of shy around you, like lowkey blushing when you both get to talk, but you probably can't really see his blush, the dark skin and stuff yk?! but when you cup his cheeks, they're so round and warm, that's a promise!

asta is such a silly, immediately noticed the crush he had on you, sort of stalked you guys honestly, it was for a good reason! she just listened in on a few conversations.. maybe more than few.. just for good measure, but she's never seen arlan stuttering over his words so much

putting one and one together, she already knew what was going down, and she just needed to get you both together immediately!

asta always has an excuse to leave you both alone after discussing whatever, "oh my, seems like my time is limited once again.. you both can just stay here and just chat for a bit, i'll be back!"

she never came back.

arlan kind of has a hard time trying to start conversations, so you gotta help a bit! be the first the talk, or start asking questions, he's kind of awkward and never really is good at socializing, but if you do the first step, maybe it'll even affect him a bit, and he'll do the first move!

⁂ what goes down (in the relationship)?

actual relationship hcs now, tbh arlan seems like the very clingy, will make it very not obvious though, on the days he really needs it, he'll ask you straight up, with a flushed expression, kind of looks away whenever he asks for this corny ahh stuff

"i just wanna-- i wanna ask.. i uh.. can we.. cuddle? if you're comfortable with that?"

such a sweetheart, i'm not even gonna lie, you probably caught him once or twice asking asta about stuff, like if you'd like these flowers, or if you like something else as a gift better,

will always be nervous when he asks you out, like a cheesy teen couple, he'll be holding out flowers, lowkey stuttering, and holding your hand at the same time

best bet, guaranteed, he has never been in a relationship before, the only reason he knows sooo much about dates is because of books! loves loves loves reading, would definitely be a fairytale irl w him when on dates, picks the cutest locations ever too, like a new cat cafe that opened up, sure!

super creative with gifts, he goes absolutely crazy with it ngl, but in a good way

kind of has a habit of just squeezing your hand while your fingers are intertwined with each other. just does it when he can't find the words to tell you how much he's missed you while you were gone.

probably would also tighten his grip around your waist when it gets a bit crowded in the streets, doesn't wanna lose you in the sea of people yk?!

likes it when you start to trace shapes on his palms or while you both cuddle, and start to draw little stars with your fingers on his back, really just lulls him to sleep, and feels comforted when you do that type of stuff.

finds it so attractive when you stretch, like it shouldn't be that attractive, but it is, he cannot help it, at all.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!

[welcometolansstudy]

1 nov 2024 - friday, 06:05

WAKE UP ! ITS HE 1ST OF THE MONTH !!!

how was your halloween?

was planning on updating yesterday before bed, but i slept at like 23:30 expecting my boyfriend to call and wake me up at around 2 am, when he didn't 🦧 it's okay tho, since now i've slept for 6 hours consecutively, rather than in two parts. i woke up just a few minutes ago out of sheer fear i had slept through my alarms and was late to work. fortunately, i still have an hour and 30 minutes before i start

yesterday after my shift, i ate dinner, took a shower and right after that i did a short workout (IT BURNNNEEED). in the morning, before my shift, i ate some breakfast and mainly just watched "Oshi no Ko" till i had to leave for work, so i didn't study whatsoever 🧍‍♀️ i hoovered my room and a bit of the house though!! as to editing my vlog... instead of editing, i chucked the thing away because i had moved some of the videos to my SD card, so VLLO saw it as my videos being deleted. i'll have to free up space on my normal phone storage and move every vlog video to there 😭 unless i'm gonna edit on my laptop, but tbh i really like editing on my phone.

today i have to work 07:30 - 12:00, and im my mind i was gonna take a big fat nap after, when i realised (literally as i was writing this morning post) that me and my childhood friend had said we'd meet today for lunch. i'll text her to see if we really are gonna do that, because i have a feeling she forgot as well AHVDAJJW

this is the friend i was talking about a few weeks ago, when we decided to reschedule. i hope we can see each other today, because i don't really like it if i have to reschedule and reschedule and reschedule every time, yk? i just want it to be over quickly (not bc i don't wanna see my friends, but my mind just gets clogged up with all these rescheduled dates).

my goals for today are:

- do a workout

- change from work clothes to nice clothes!

- don't spend too much money (mission impossible)

i don't really know what to put as my goals, since it's unsure whether i'm meeting up with my friend ... i guess we'll just have to find out

i hope you have a nice day!

[thoughtspresso]

Predictions for Oshi No Ko Ending

1. Anemone will be the one to find Katayose Yura's dead body.

In Japanese flower symbolism, Anemones or Windflowers represent death, bad luck, and forsaken love. And it just so happens we have a character named exactly that, who happens to be the only other character apart from Katayose Yura who loves being in the mountains.

Anemone will likely be climbing the same mountains on Yura's wishlist, and just like before, The Crow might lead Anemone to the dead body.

It's like Akasaka-sensei decided Spider Lilies are already too obvious a deathflag so he chose a different flower.

I'm taking the bet that Akane might be the person who figures out the connection between Yura and Kamiki, or Miki-san might simply show up on the news as a statement about his "dear friend Yura" who "disappeared".

Akane might also give the head's up to Aqua that she thinks Kamiki murdered Yura, and that would be a reason for the two to spend more time with each other again. (Might shove a wedge between Kana and Aqua again, if Aqua isn't already doing that himself lmao.) Either way, it'd be a convenient way for Akane to attempt to both "save" Aqua and also help him accomplish his goals without killing himself.

2. The person who texted Frill Shiranui is Miki-san.

Sylvanes made a fairly solid guess that Frill Shiranui works for Kamiki Productions. Whether or not he was necessarily correct on this, I'm making the bet that Yura's "best drinking buddy" Miki-san is connected to Frill professionally, and goaded Frill into pushing Ruby into the spotlight.

Some speculators say this might have been Aqua's ploy, but I I think this was incorrect. Aqua agreed with Kaburagi that money comes first and Frill was a more reasonable choice commercially. He even said that Gotanda should "grow up" and not choose Ruby just because of his artistic integrity.

Apart from the friendly, casual tone of the text message that really sounds like the "Miki-san" persona and the image of decanted whiskey as his profile picture, I think Kamiki is actually praying for Ruby's success as a star.

In fact, I think people misunderstood why he killed Katayose Yura. He didn't kill Yura because his serial killer MO was simply because he liked killing up and coming megastars who shone brightly. He killed Yura because:

(a) He hates Stars who lie, who sell a persona to their fans that is vastly different from who they are as people, which is why he hated Himekawa Airi and Hoshino Ai.

(b) He killed Yura because he knew that the project being offered to her was the lead role in The 15-Year Lie. And simply, he wanted Ruby to play Ai's role.

In a twisted way, I think Kamiki believes he is protecting his children, and the public in general, from being lied to any further by celebrities like Yura who deceive the public with their feigned innocence.

Honestly? I think the reason he killed their mothers was to protect them from growing up with mothers who lie and abuse their kids.

3. Kana might play Hoshino Ai in The 15-Year Lie.

Okay, okay, okay, okay. I know. I know. Unhinged fan theory. I get it.

Even AquaKana stans think this is majorly unlikely to happen. I agree in that, I think it's insane. But I keep coming back to what Aqua meant when he said that, "Kana is so easy to manipulate", and "It's more convenient for me to build a good relationship with Arima right now."

People tend to say, he's making silly convoluted excuses again, he just wants to spend more time with her. But I think a man who is resolute in his goal to off himself by proxy of martyrdom doesn't care to date the person he was protecting from a love scandal anyway.

There are a few key reasons why I think Aqua's "using" of Kana will result in her playing Ai's role.

First of all, I think Aqua's plan is to play Kamiki, to portray him in the worst possible way, and expose him as the murderer through the film. Through this, Aqua will bait his father into murdering him too, and thus Aqua's death can be used as legal grounds for charging Hikaru Kamiki with Homicide.

As established above, I think Aqua doesn't agree that Ruby is the best choice for Ai's role. There are a lot of parallelisms baked in between Kana and Ai. Apart from the shot-by-shot remake of Sign is B, Kana is also the best person to get stabbed and deliver the lines, "Some day I hoped the lies would become true. / I did my best. I worked hard. I lied with all my heart. / To me, lies are love. In my own way, I thought I was showing my love."

Besides, you saw anyone else say these same things?

Uhuh, you guessed it:

So is Kana gonna get stabbed? Hopefully in a movie, yeah.

I think it could happen as a result of Kaburagi's dissatisfaction with Ruby's performance.

Kaburagi's "finalized" casting isn't final-final yet, really. We can see that he swapped Aqua to play Kamiki instead of Himekawa who will now play Ryosuke the university student/stalker here:

Which makes sense! Aqua looks like his father, is closer to his age during the time of the events, and Taiki's age and height also better matches Ryosuke.

And even though the paper says finalized on Ruby's casting, Kaburagi's still not completely sold:

I think the swap will come as a result of Ruby being severely overworked and unable to keep up with the demands of her role, and the Dome performance that she might want to prioritize. She may even outright collapse from exhaustion, as foreshadowed by Kana:

Apart from Akasaka-sensei absolutely trolling us to death by Ai x Kamiki on-screen romance being portrayed by twins, then just outright pulling the plug on that for fun, I think it'd just make sense for Kaburagi to say it's better if we pair Aqua with Kana for this role.

Ruby doesn't even have to collapse or anything. She's so loved up with the idea of Gorou-sensei right now, Aqua could literally just tell her "this is what's best for the plan, you trust me, don't you?" And she would absolutely just go with it.

I said before that I think up until Mem-cho pointed it out, Aqua was wholly unaware that Kana had a crush on him and joined B-Komachi just because of him. I think now that he has the awareness, he'll ask Kana to do it, first to help Ruby, but also because he can only trust Kana to play this role because she is "Special" to him.

A repeat of:

It really is the only way that this scene therefore makes sense to me:

Bonus: if the Shima D masterpiece film doesn't draw Kamiki's attention to her, Kana playing the role of Ai definitely will. And if she delivers the role with so much honesty, it might change the trajectory of the story altogether.

4. Aqua's plan will backfire.

I explained a little above and in a previous post that Aqua misunderstands Kamiki's motives.

While we all like to shit on Aqua for being the World's Nicest Master Manipulator, we have to give him credit for the fact that when it's used for saving other people, he's been really effective at spinning a public narrative in his favor. Like in the cases of Akane's suicide attempt and Kana's Love Scandal.

If the goal is to get Kamiki to stab him in plain view of the public, villify his father, and make it easy to convict him for homicide once and for all, I think he will fail.

Kamiki will not kill him or go after him. In fact, I think Kamiki will shed his Miki-san persona and reveal the truth: he was Himekawa Airi's rape victim, and Hoshino Ai was a manipulative person who seduced him with the prospect of true love, then abandoned him when she got what she wanted, which was a family.

In the absence of any evidence that he had anything to do with their deaths, Kamiki might even use this momentum of propaganda to make the public believe that he's happy to finally be reunited with his children that these terrible mothers took away from him.

Heck, Taiki might hate Uehara so much that he'd be relieved to learn about Kamiki? And if he really is connected to Frill, and if Kindaichi still cares about him, there might be real people who would back him up.

Then, it won't be until Akane works with Aqua and everyone to bring the murder of Katayose Yura to light that Kamiki would actually be brought to justice.

[neospokenworld]

SPRING ANIME 2024 FINAL THOUGHTS (PART 2)

Part one here

SEIYUU RADIO NO URA OMOTE

You know, ever since seeing Oshi no Ko's 1st season I've wanted to watch another anime that more or less walked through the behind the scenes of the industry, so when I heard what was Seiyuu Radio about I definitely wanted to see it and now that the season ended it was quite good ngl.

it was pretty good to watch and even if it probably isn't faithful to the VA industry it also gave some insight to the behind the scenes of it, I absolutely loved how in this final episode the entire sequence of Yasumi rerecording her lines to the 'Phantom' show was done with no music nor sound effects, just pure raw Voice Acting altogether. One thing I would say tho is that if it wasn't because a lot of yuri pages I follow said that this is a yuri slowburn I wouldn't even believe it was the intention other than slight subtext lol, I get the feeling that this show would need like 2 more seasons to show something romantic between Yuhi and Yasumi and to be honest I wouldn't mind it at all, I absolutely loved their rivalry in here and how they have each other's back if either of them was in actual trouble (Like Yuhi with the casting couch rumors and Yasumi with her lack of confidence for her role in Phantom). Needless to say this was a good anime all in all and while I would probably put it at the bottom of a ranking with all of the ones I saw complete this season it's wouldn't be because it was bad by any means, but just because I liked the other ones more in the end (also I would love to see a 2nd season of it, even if the chances are almost 0 lol)

GIRLS BAND CRY

When I first started this anime, all I thought was that it was gonna be a fun little anime with great visuals and not much else, but now that it finished all I gotta say is that it was easily my favorite anime out of the Spring season.

Like seriously, it's crazy how with each episode it got better and better. All of the TogeToge girls were really likeable to see and their interactions with each other were just so good in general, the animation was 100% a standout for the series with such an amazing 3D, and the songs were like OH MY FUCKING GOD THEY ARE SUCH BANGERS!! Like at one point I just downloaded the album they have and each new song that it came just went straight into my playlist

Another great thing it had was the relationship Momoka and Nina had over the course of the show, I'm gonna be honest here I didn't expected the yuri elements to be brought up again after the confession, this isn't that type of story in the end and even then, you could see the two sides of their really close bond, from one side of bickering and arguing but in the end being there for each other, to the other side of deep admiration (and love) for the other and always having each other back. Even if there wasn't anything canon in the end they have such chemistry that it wouldn't be crazy that they would be already dating by the time the final episode arrived

And that mainly going on Nina and Momoka's side of the band, both Rupa and Tomo had already that deep bond between them and you could see how much they trust each other, and Subaru being the wild card that easily ties everything together in the amazing band that is Togenashi Togeari. Every character has something going for them that can make you love them and be their favorite without looking down any of the others. Nina's passion and decisiveness, Momoka's leadership and coolness, Tomo's take-no-shit attitude and brash honesty, Rupa being basically the mom/older sister of the group and having an overall more relaxed nature (thus making her an amazing hidden agent of chaos), and Subaru's chaotic and grounded nature that helped both enhance the comedy and bring the girls down whenever needed

I hope we get more content for the show in the future, whether it's in form of new music; merch; a movie; second season; manga; anything, 'cause this was just too fucking good to just end here. Goated anime and the best of the season imo

KAIJU No. 8

Honestly I'm still surprised that this series isn't talked more, like I know that it has a fandom talking about it that I still haven't interacted with, but outside of that I've seen very counted posts recommending it or just mentioning it which is a shame 'cause these last 5 episodes were absolutely amazing

Like at first I was like ''it's a good one, but not as good as most I'm seeing'' but after Number 9 came to attack the defense force for the first time it was like the show awakened and started delivering banger after banger episodes, and before that we already had cool characters to go for in Shinomiya, Kafka, Hoshina and Reno. The animation was real good (especially in both the Hoshino vs Kafka fight and the full awakening of Number 8) and the action was cool too, plus it has nice characters and a pretty interesting story to tie it all up, I'm like 90% sure this will have a second season in the future and I'll be waiting for it 'cause I wanna know more about the story (even if I'm gonna start reading the manga sooner or later lol).

This anime was a late bloomer like Kafka in the end lol

SASAYAKU YOU NI KOI WO UTAU

Well, technically this isn't the final episode, but since the final 2 have been postponed until further notice I'm gonna share my ''final'' thoughts here.

I HATE how badly was this anime treated, like it had everything to become easily one of the best Yuri anime of all time after the first 2 episodes but then everything came crashing down and the production of it was basically a Mappa 2.0, so much that episodes 9 and 10 were delayed for 2 weeks and the final episodes are gonna be aired at some point in the future, leaving it inconclusive for the season.

But I'm gonna see it here on a positive side, the first two episodes were just extremely beautiful and even if by episode 3 the animation was downgraded I'm here as an anime only for this series, so I could watch this for the story instead of for the adaptation and to be honest I love the story. I love the characters and the dynamic between them, the soundtrack was really good and the songs were great too, in my opinion this anime is a top 3 for the season, and I understand the hate it gets from the fans since, while I still haven't read the manga, I can imagine how bad it must feel that the adaptation was butchered so badly that even the author hated it.

This anime deserved so much better, I really liked it from beginning to end, to the point where I'm gonna start reading the manga because of how good the story was so at least the anime did it's purpose of guiding people into reading it's source material. if by some miracle there's a remake I'll 100% be here for it, I loved it as someone who didn't knew anything about it but the fans deserved a far better adaptation

And that's it!! I'm gonna leave here my ranking for each of the anime's I saw to completion, I'll probably make another rank for my favorite OP and ED tomorrow too but for now thanks for reading

1 Girls Band Cry

2 Jellyfish Can't Swim at Night

3 Whisper me a Love Song

4 Bartender

5 Kaiju No. 8

6 Train to the End of the World

7 Delicious in Dungeon

8 The Many Sides of Voice Actor Radio

[thirdmagic]

ngl im a big aquakane shipper but i could see the writing on the wall and it was clear to me aquakana is where oshi no ko was heading and i just kinda accepted that even though its one of the few parts of the manga i actually dont really like*, but even then i was quite happy and swept up with the big romantic moment in the recent chapters. t was just really satisfying i guess? like as a culmination of everything it felt really natural and nice and also kana deserves to be happy and im happy for her character development

*i dont hate it and this isnt like a shipping rivalry thing because oshi no ko isnt really that kinda story to me. like i never really expected or wanted aquakane to be 'endgame' or the main romantic plotline in a traditional sense, thats not the point or what makes them appealing to me, i'm a shipper because it's just a compelling, interesting relationship dynamic and it feels like an extension of, and something that ties into, the broader themes and plot. while in contrast the slow burn of aqua and kana's romance always felt very disconnected and unrelated to the themes and tone and stuck out to me and i just generally dont find it very engaging to watch. it just feels like a very typical romance writing that you can find in any other series. which would fit in those series, but doesnt really match the tone here.**

**mostly in the way its this slow burn and they dance around it which is just not as fun to me as the way aquakane goes straight to them (fake-)dating and then the bulk of their story and what we see of them is what they are like once they're in that relationship and how its kinda fake and kinda real and how they play off each other, and that's the part that's interesting to me. like you know we get the aquakana confession after 150+ chapters but the bulk of their relationship is them dancing around it, and i assume the culminative moment is going to be them getting together at some point and lke a big epic kiss, which, fine, whatever, i'm going to roll with that, but i can find that anywhere else, and what i found refreshing is the straightforwardness and un-drama of aquakane getting together where all the really good, meaty stuff came after and the relationship happening was super practical and pragmatic, that felt more true and more fitting for the tone to me.

***anyway that was a big tangent to say that even if it the plotline i dont enjoy as much i still did get swept up emotionally in the big sweeping epic romantic culminative moment so you got me again aka lol.

[suinotsuki]

In Moments

A/N: Hi! I'm continuing with uploading my fanfics and headcanons over here on Tumblr from my AO3 and Twitter!

This fanfic was written before the anime came out and may contain spoilers for anime-only people and for those who haven't reached Scandal Arc yet! I only had the time to finish this after episode 3 came out.

Fanfic Links: AO3

Other Links: Oshi No Ko Masterlist

But he's tired. A lot of things have happened in the past week, and he still has to deal with more when he comes home. (Alternately, in which we see Aqua's thoughts until he reaches a breaking point that changes the future) (Canon divergence for chapter 105)

"Just one scandal can be a mortal wound for an idol."

He was well aware of that fact already.

Ai,  his mother in this life,  was living proof of that. And even now, he could easily recall her body growing colder by the minute as he sat beside her, feeling terribly useless for someone who was a  doctor in his past life. To say he is haunted by the memory of it was an understatement. A myriad of emotions revolving around that incident was present that Aqua couldn't easily come to terms with. He didn't feel the need to resolve these emotions even if he wished to achieve a happy ending for himself that he knew he did not deserve. He'd prefer to use it as fuel to the fire and never look back.

And trying to go back to the way it was before was nothing but a far-fetched dream.

Or Aqua thinks it should unmistakenly be.

But, a shining and honest existence from the days of being with Ai decides otherwise.

Kana Arima, the girl he met the first time he acted, brought so many things back up to the surface that he lost on that day. Her refreshingly sharp words allowed him to relax and put his guard down in more ways than others could have done. Somehow, it was the needed reality check in this world full of lies. The way she brightly shined when she was under the spotlight brought the feeling of how the warmth of the sun seeped into his skin on a peaceful day. And right at that moment, the Aqua of the past and present did not matter. He was just Aqua.

In the end, he found himself allowing his gaze to linger on her to find peace when he needed a break. After all, it wasn't like he was going to stop with his plans.

"I'm sorry, but he's already dead."

But what if there was no need for revenge, and the opportunity to finally allow himself to be happy presented itself?

"Aqua, you think it's time to break up with me."

Maybe, it was time to end the lies.

"Isn't that fine? The freedom to love is a fundamental human right."

Maybe, he could finally entertain the thought of a normal life with the person who allowed Gorou and Aqua to co-exist.

"Do you think Kana-chan will do well as an idol?"

"Then, you can no longer go on dates like that."

"Just one scandal can be a mortal wound for an idol."

He was aware of that fact already. But, for a moment, he ignored the obvious in favor of his selfishness to achieve happiness with Kana. And until now, whenever he remembers Ai, Aqua realizes he couldn't subject Kana to the same fate as his mother. So, no matter how it hurts both parties, he has to protect her by keeping his distance.

In the end, there was still another route he could take.

Living a half-truth won't be too bad. Maybe changing directions is what Gorou and Aqua really needed. If he makes enough effort, one day, the lies will become the truth. What could he possibly lose from pursuing Akane? For sure, the future on that side has a better fate than being with Kana, right? It should be because he is betting on time to make things better.

After all, everything is falling into place.

"How could a dead person know her address? It's chronologically impossible."

But, of course, everything was nothing but an illusion he willingly placed himself after from the desire to be free. It wasn't over.  It never was.

"Did I do something that makes you hate me that much?"

"You took a wrong turn, Aqua-kun."

The routes toward a happy ending were all blocked. Revenge without getting the people he cherishes involved was impossible. There wasn't any going back anymore.

Revenge was the only road he had a choice of taking alone.

---------------

"I'm sure Kana-chan became an idol for you."

Then, what was he supposed to do?

"She became an idol because you wished for it."

Stop...

"You brought her into this world, you know?"

He knew that pretty well. He was well aware of that fact. He doesn't need to hear that, especially when his mind was made up that he would only plunge further into this dark path of revenge.

"Please face her... even just a little."

He doesn't deserve her straight gaze. He decided to descend to hell. Aqua couldn't go back on his initial plans. In the first place, she shouldn't have anything to do with him anymore. It was best to stay clear of her and for him to focus on his goal.

He needs to have his revenge. He had so many things to do. He still needs to protect Ruby and make sure he covers her eyes from the things she hasn't found out yet.

He  needs�� to focus.

"This is bad," Aqua heard Miyako say, snapping him out of his trance. "I still haven't seen her around yet."

"What's wrong?" He asked while all at the same time peeking at Miyako's open laptop. The words that caught his eye made his heart stop. It  felt  like a bucket of cold water was suddenly splashed onto him.

And looking at him was Miyako with a grim expression.

---------------

Aqua was now at a crossroads.

Earlier, he felt one of his fears unraveling in front of him - the one that he accidentally spilled out to Mem-cho that one night she cornered him. If he didn't notice Miyako's expression, he wouldn't be able to calm down. He would have almost forgotten what Arima Kana is made out of.

The issue hangs in the air, and the situation hasn't changed. While Aqua wants to leave the rest to adults, a part of him can't. But he promised to stay away from her. At the same time, he wanted to protect her.

So, he makes a decision.

He sits down with Ruby.

Aqua tells Ruby his grand scheme to save Kana, and he watches Ruby's eyes burn with rage at hearing his plan to reveal  their secret . Maybe, he wasn't stable enough. It could be desperation. It could be fear that they barely have enough time.

But he ends up spilling everything he kept a secret.

It was odd timing to reveal everything to Ruby given the time constraint. Those ruby-colored eyes filled with anger grew dimmer and dimmer with confusion. Somehow, it broke his heart, not knowing what to do for her.

The clock is ticking. Aqua rises up from his seat.

"I have to go. Let's talk about it again when I get back."

He leaves the house with Ruby sitting down in shock while trying to process all the information he dumped on her.

---------------

Aqua has done it.

Soon, the secret will be out. Aqua only has to wait for the Weekly Entertainment True Story's release date. A part of him rejoices, knowing this new path can lead to a better plan for revenge.

But he's tired.

A lot of things have happened in the past week, and he still has to deal with more when he comes home. He left Ruby hanging as he rushed towards the meeting place with the reporter. There's still so much left to do after that even.

He only wants to rest .

Kana's bright smile flashed in his mind out of nowhere, and the sudden thought of basking around the sun's warm presence made his tired mind let go of all the thinking. Even Goro and little Aqua's voices were drowned.

It wasn't long before his knees gave out on him, and a choked sob escaped his lips. The hand that was holding onto their house's doorknob released its hold to bring itself to his mouth in an attempt to stop himself from making any noise. The tears started to flow, and he could only shut his blue eyes closed as emotions rushed through his body.

He was so, so tired.

And, in those moments of vulnerability, he just wanted to see the brightest star that he protected.

[smilingangel582]

And the next day... gah! Am I too early but I'm so impatient! I wanna write somefink sow bwadly... aqua deserves this... I need to I HAVE TO !!!!

*Gasp... *cough! Ahem, so... I'm writing a fanfic on Oshi no ko. Teeeheee too early ik but I'll be the first tk writer to write this!

This is awfully cute, and spoilers are alert, so read, at least, the damn manga or the anime, hehehe

Everyone has their happy moments

Strawberry productions have officially had the new B komachi gang settled. Hence, Aquamarine Hoshino settled himself on the couch, now looking at the reviews of the date reality show lovenow.

Honestly, he didn't expect people to even like him back. Some even mentioned he was 'handsome' and whatnot. He rolled his eyes, but silently.

"Ah, Senpai! What do you mean my face needs more expression!"

Ruby's complaining tone disturbed his mind and he looked up from where Mem-cho, Arima and Ruby came out with flustered faces.

Kana, on the other hand, sternly lectures the younger "You need to shine more! You're cute enough, but you gotta say 'look at me' with those eyes!"

Ruby sighed now, her starry eye blinking in irritation. "Fine!" She turned to him and tilted her head now unbothered by hus presence ."Oni-chan? What's up?"

He shook his head. "Nothing just found it amusing how irritated you've become"

Ruby puffed her bright cheeks and looked away. "Easy for you to say!"

Memcho who was peacefully by the corner was now keen on what Aqua was doing.

"Ohhohh, what are you doing, kiddo?" She teased now."Dating that A-ka-neh chan?" She leaned inched closer as she said the name.

"Not yet... I've checked the reviews of the show... that's it, " he calmly stated as he placed his phone down now, stretching a little.

"Not yet, huh?" Arima frowned, but her jealousy was clean to Mem-cho.

Deciding to change subjects to avoid an upcoming storm, she pointed out, "Hey Ruby-chan... haven't your brother ever had a goofy moment?"

Ruby seated on the ground crossed legged and just thought for a moment "Well I can't say he's been in the gloomy cloud forever, but... him being a goofball sounds so wrong"

Kana just hummed in thought, "Even as a child by that time, he's so calm and mature unlike a certain someone," she eyed Ruby, who returned the same look at her with offense but indirectly agreeing.

Aqua seeing how he was the center of attention waved it off casually but also wanting to avoid being noticed "It's a useless topic, not like I'm some old geezer or anything (though he is) I haven't had the intention to be so dumb like my bratty sister"

"Wha-" It was like a stab to Ruby, and meanwhile, Miyako Saito, the talent manager, chuckled.

Aqua warily turned to her "What's so funny?"

She shakes her head now fully turning to them from her computer "It's just that Aqua is more of an adult than me even at that time, goofing around seems exaggerating and unimaginable"

"Aww..." Memcho sighed "I really wanna see Aqua go BAAAM!"

"I'm not a bomb"

Ruby became thoughtful now, but then tilted her head as she replied "Aqua may have been mature and acts like someone hundred years older-"

"Stop exaggerating"

"-than us..." she trialed off peaking everyone's interest, but disappoints them by sighing "Well nope... he's been such a downer even as a baby"

Kana agreed miserably. "Even if he was cute as a child"

"You make it sound like a bad thing." This tjme Aqua sighed and then began leaning back on the couch, checking his phone. He didn't even pay attention to what Miyako said later on "Oh but there's this one time..."

"Ohhh?"

Curious, the girls glanced up. Aqua, hearing half of what she said, also looked up ultimately. "I remember how he laughed one time as a baby"

"When did that happen?" Ruby frowned, but curious as her starry eye blinked, Aqua became more uneasy seeing how he was seeing some sort of catch. His own starry eye wavered. Whatever it was, he was in for something bad.

"He was ticklish and its adorable" she concluded with a smile and then silence broke. Kana broke it in minutes "W-wait... seriously? Him? Ticklish???"

Ruby clapped in realisation "Ah so that's what I forgot! I knew i forgot something important"

Aqua groaned. "Ruby, it's not important... I was a child, and of course, I...well had my childish days, but now their over..."

It was a wrong move. Aqua should've kept his mouth shut.

Memcho was the closest as she snuck by his side of the couch. "So, are you saying you're not ticklish anymore?"

Aqua swallowed, not that he knew the answer, but he had a feeling whatever answer he gave they'd somehow...

"As a matter of fact, yes," he replied with an almost convincing face, though it's neither the truth nor a lie. He recalled the memory of Ai embarrassingly tickled him because he was too serious as a child.

It was indeed happiness, but as his mentality was somewhat twice as Ai's, he was conflicted about how it felt so nice. No one has ever been this playful even in his previous life.

However, now, his hormones as a teenager sort of kicked in and felt like he was actually sixteen, and he doesn't like how these girls are planning what he feared they were planning.

"You can find out for yourself" Miyako shrugged now back to her work as if she didn't ruin his reputation.

Gee thanks, Miyako. He thought sarcastically.

Memcho was faster than him. She poked him on the side, and that sent his phone flying up but back on his lap. He blushed now. "Oi!"

"Oni-chan, you big liar!" Ruby lunged forward, and Kana wiggled her fingers from a distance with sudden malice for revenge."Oh~ did I hear that right? Ladies... shall we?"

Aqua didn't expect things to turn out like this. He felt himself trapped immediately by three girls with keen eyes to wreck him and the couch.

It started as soon as he began to digest the incident at hand, and did he not pray that he felt nothing? Sadly, no luck appeared on his side when he felt the shock of electricity, the familairty in the touch. He felt himself squirm and recoil back on the couch, hands embracing his own midriff.

"Uh oh! Someone's in trouble!" Memcho snickered and dug deeper into his ribs, almost earning a startled gasp. His lips twisting to something rare called a smile for the first time.

"I haven't seen him this flustered..." Ruby was awestruck that she was still clinging to his sides very delicately. "He blushed so seriously in that one moment when he was in that show Lovenow. But I like this face more~!"

"W-wait... wait..." he managed to slip away from them now behind the couch where they stared at him concentratedly. They were like prowling wolves after a prey, this was not good.

"Don't your dare...! R-Ruby, Arima !Memcho! I swear-!" He couldn't say anything more when he was at last tackled by all three of them again.

Minako laughed though her eyes are glued to the screen and half back at them. "Go easy on him, the poor lad's got to be exhausted from showbiz work today"

Nobody gave a shit. that's what Aqua knew. Kana now cracked her knuckles suddenlt her eyes glinting red as Ruby's eyes. "Just one punishment is all I want to give him... let's see how the stoic faced Aquamarine breaks from... this!" With that, her small fingers dug to his ribs, which he didn't expect. He suddenly lets out a giggle and then closes his mouth in horror, shocking himself.

"You... giggled? Honest to god, that was creepily adoarable, " Kana said, but continued her attack, drawing more sounds like that.

"Ahaharima! Stop thahat!" He struggled as he was pinned by three girls, and if there were one, he could've overpowered her. Unfortunately, this wasn't a lucky situation. He curled to many sides. He never felt the heat rise in his cheeks so frequently until now, and mostly because he recalled Ai's wiggly fingers following wherever he crawled. He needs to keep his mouth shut, though now it seemed pretty impossible.

Ruby was surprisingly the non ticklish twin, but she already bonded well with Ai (especially toermenting Aqua together on his weakness). Aqua was cursed by this sensitivity, taking in both hers and his probably ticklishness, and he expected it to go away by adolescence at least.

Unfortunately, no... God is merciless.

"GAahaha! Wahahait, wait, wahait!" He tried negotiating as felt himself be weakened immediately and instantly "Ihihi I'm sohohorry Ahaharima!"

Still enjoying torturing him, She smiled now. "For what...? This is just my fun, not your punishment for something you didn't do wrong"

"Ohoho, so nohow, I didn't doho wrong??? Maahhahake uhuhup yohohour mihihind!"

She paused now, but the others continued clawing at every part they could get on his stomach. "Maybe I'll reconsider this... I won't stop now for sure!" She sneaked her fingers to his armpits, making him yelp in shock, but giggles stumbled regardless of where she went.

"Gohohod pleehehaase!!" He groaned, now feeling his blush deepen."Ehehenough!"

"What about me, bro? I need an apology for real?" Ruby snarkily laughed like a witch.

"YOHOHOU DOHONT GEHEHT OHOHONE! EHEHEHVIL TWIHIHIN!"

Upon this, Ruby feigned shock from that, then her sinister ruby eyes glinted with ulterior motives. "That's too bad because I was thinking of avoiding your worst spot... well, I changed my mind too!"

Aqua lowered his head with desperate pleading to stop. He never felt this chaotic, not even in his previous life. He wished he could have gotten over such a childish weakness. Yet... it was not horrible, but it was certainly embarrassing.

"Riiight here! It makes him beg nonstop!" She giggled delightedly when her fingers aimed for his hips through the jeans. He collapsed in shock "OK OK! EHEHENOUGH ENOUGH! MIIYAKOO PLEHEHEHASE!"

Miyako smiled at the sight. "Alright, girls, enough... he might pass out. " her own memory jolted back at how Aqua would laugh like this, but more than the sensation, he genuinely wad equally attached to Ai as Ruby. She wished she was there to see them again.

Memcho snickered "So Mr. Gloomcloud can laugh"

He gasped now, closing his eyes in pure fluster. "Gosh..." Hearing that, he glared but with some residual giggles."Of course I cahahan, I ahaham human too"

Kana blushed now in enthusiasm. "It's... surprisingly cute, your voice going high pitch and-!"

He grumbled "Yeah don't get used to it... I might be getting you back tenfolds..."

Memcho snickered. "Good luck with that," she poked his side, making him jump away with an irritated whine "But it's three against one so... better not make it worse for yourself"

Indeed, they have the upper hand, especially with Ruby being dead insensitive. He should be careful with how he extracts his revenge next time.

He smiles softly as he left the room, hearing them tease his high-pitched giggles sounding girly, maybe... he could tolerate this. Just maybe Ai won't be the first.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

https://www.tumblr.com/twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat/757245046340943872/hi-ari-i-just-watched-oshi-no-ko-its-so?source=share

hi ari! <3 yes, it's me!

firstly, thank you so much for taking the time to write such an in-depth recommendation list! it was super helpful!

WARNING: long message ahead!

i have actually watched a couple of the things that you had recommended, namely windbreaker and romantic killer. i really enjoyed windbreaker, even if i still don't quite understand how their school system works... (i think it's low-key hilarious how there are barely any adults in this series? and how students run the school for other students? like do they have 'normal' lessons? i'm so curious!)

thinking on windbreaker now, the things that stood out to me the most were those:

hajime looking like an alternate universe version of satoru, who is a cutie pie that grows vegetables. i actually really like his character – i think he's adorable. in terms of character design, i do think his cape is kind of cool. he rocks it. i like that he's positive, down-to-earth and simultaneously extremely astute. he's very likeable, like satoru! (very boyfriend material, no?)

the dynamic between choji and togame is very memorable. thinking on it now, the scene where togame cries and choji asks whether it is the rain... there is just something in their dynamic, when they were 'fighting,' which made it feel, when i was watching, like they were confessing. (i kind of... i couldn't help but think, guys, come on, you're in front of an auditorium... you really want to do this here and now?? in front of this audience?? really??) and also... choji being his 'sun'... it's kind of sweet.

suo! i find his fighting technique to be absolutely fascinating! i think it's so interesting how he doesn't put in an effort to fight against his opponents, instead dismantling them psychologically. he doesn't fight according to a certain school of thought, too; instead, he just picks and chooses what he deems is fitting, willing to experiment and almost confuse his opponents through the piecemeal nature of his fighting technique. there is a little element of cruelty to his fighting style which i find absolutely fascinating... and even though i know that suguru and suo are very different, i wonder what it would be like to transpose suo's fighting style onto suguru.

i have watched romantic killer ages ago!! i didn't know what to watch and it came up, and even though the premise was a little bizarre and the design of the cupid entity was absolutely hilarious, i actually really enjoyed watching it! anzu is a really fun protagonist! and i could absolutely relate to her cat obsession because this is absolutely what i am like with my dogs. her concern for not dating is also one i can relate to... currently, i can't really envision myself dating. i barely have any time for myself when i am at university, and when i do, i'd rather spend it with my friends or go home and visit my parents and my dogs. and besides, romantic relationships take so much work!! and i'm super picky in terms of how i like. (suguru.) anyway, that aside, i thought it was fun, and tsukasa and junta were both likeable! hijiri was... a little cliché and forgettable in my opinion, and didn't add that much to the story, but it also felt like the story ended not being quite finished, so his introduction felt a little... underdeveloped??

and the introduction of tsukasa's stalker was... absolutely terrifying. i can still picture that woman in my mind – her absolutely manic eyes when she looked at tsukasa. so scary!

(i did think it was pretty cute how riri transformed into a competitor for anzu's affections at the end of the series!)

i have tried giving gekkan shoujo nozaki-kun a go, but i somehow winded up feeling a little... bored as i was watching it? i thought the idea of the anime was cool. i can see where they were going with this – it attempted to be subversive by having a a big, bulky guy was writing a 'girly' popular manga series, with the inspiration for the male lead being a girl and the inspiration for the female lead being a guy. from my experience of writing (which was ages ago... my pen had long dried up), that kind of makes sense – the act of transposing personalities of the people you see into characters, and those characters themselves being extremely malleable as the plot develops.

...but somehow, as i watched it, something didn't quite click for me. i'm not sure why. so i ended up dropping it after five or so episodes? i did think the red-haired guy who was constantly blushing was cute, though.

NOW, onto oshi no ko... I LOVED IT! i still have the intro song from season one playing in my head!!

look, first of all, i thought it was super fun. i adore the animation style. i am a little annoying in that, for me, the animation style of an anime plays a big part in how driven i am to watch it. it's partially why i like jujutsu kaisen so much. i adore the way in which the characters are drawn in 'jujutsu kaisen'. the drawing style is absolutely awesome. i LOVE how handsome suguru and satoru are!! (it's not the only reason why i like the drawing style, of course, but i just... appreciate the way in which the characters are drawn.) i just like looking at it. i can press pause and just stare, and analyse the drawing style for a long while.

but back to oshi no ko, when i read the synopsis... i must admit, i was... a little more than surprised. a gynaecologist's soul transposing itself into the body of an idol's child??? how crazy is that???

but then i googled the pictures and saw pictures of ai... and reread your post, and decided to give it a go! and i am very glad that i did!!

i love ai's character design!! her hair is awesome!! i love her star eyes!! and when she smiles, she's absolutely adorable!!

but now onto the series itself... i didn't realise that the first episode was a set-up for the broader story centred on the two children!! i thought that was super interesting – beginning with ai, setting her up, having her be a ghost that haunts the narrative.

the doctor being an otaku... you know what, i do understand why he'd be hooked on something like this – something bright and cheerful, and something that's so escapist, even if, as an 'educated adult,' he realises is a fabrication made for consumption. (i guess, for me, what 'ai' was to the doctor and sarina is what... 'jujutsu kaisen' is currently to me. it's something escapist, a story i can think about again and again, even months after watching, maintaining my interest in it by visiting tumblr...)

the reason for her having the two children is absolutely heartbreaking. but... with the way they set up the story, it... does make sense.

i... even though the premise seems bizarre, it's actually quite profound? yes, it teaches/proselytises some things i already know, but also lots of things that i don't know. i found it fascinating how it tackled the world of entertainment...

the scene where ai died still replays in my mind. the slight greying (?? i'm not sure if i'm misremembering, but i think it was a grisailles image) image of ai as she dies in front of aqua's eyes while ruby bangs on the door was absolutely horrifying. i gasped. i should have predicted that this story was going to take misery's annie wilkes angle... but still, when i saw it on screen... it was just such a crushing death... and for the reports to then be overtaken by reports of the snow... i don't know... if that is relieving or overwhelmingly sad.

i have to say, though, that scene where aqua and ruby pretend to be gods is absolutely hilarious!! i thought it was super funny. and that woman was so terrified! so funny. and ruby saying that she's the incarnation of amaterasu?? and swatting her hand away so confidently!! how funny!!

also, the scene where aqua plays the creepy kid by not acting and terrifying all the actors on set... that was pretty funny, too!! i enjoyed that!! and that whole... segment of him guessing the director's intentions through logic to produce this result and the talk of different types of actors was very, very interesting!!

and ai getting cut because she shined too much?? that was fascinating.

in terms of the series post episode one, i enjoyed how they tackled both the world of film, reality dating shows, the manga industry and the theatre industry! that was cool!!! and i love how they made them interconnected.

in terms of which characters i liked the most... i think i'm going to say, the girls!!! i really like kana, akane, ruby, mem-cho, ai of course, even frill and minami!! (i think frill is... actually quite funny!! and when she was joking about pinning down mem-cho if she were a guy...)

i feel like because i watched everything in one go, everything became slightly muddled in my head, so it's hard to pick out which scenes stood out to me the most!! i did like how the story unravelled – i thought it was pretty neat and slick, and as i was watching, i didn't really notice any loose plot lines or anything... (yes, maybe everyone coming to the rescue of akane was a little too feel-good perhaps, but i did like that... it was cute.)

mem-cho, kana and ruby actually formed a pretty cute trio!! i thought it was funny how the guy with the stubble was like, no one can replace b komachi and then became a super fan who went to their solo concerts... and yes, all three of them are absolute stars!! they are so cute!!! and aqua showing up and going crazy with all three light sticks?? that was pretty sweet.

(on that note... i don't know who i prefer – akane and aqua, or kana and aqua... i might say kana and aqua because aqua can just be... himself?? and when he thought of his happy memories... he mostly thought of kana... but when akane came to comfort him, and figured out his backstory (well, almost... sans the doctor bit), it was pretty sweet.)

i think akane is also such a fascinating actor!! seeing that scene where she basically figured ai out and transformed herself into her to such a creepy degree that aqua found himself confused... that was SO EERIE BUT COOL!!!! and how she filled in the backstory of... ai having a secret child, being exposed to sexual relations early, almost childlike tendencies that are tad too juvenile, etc. etc. – extremely fascinating.

i also think ruby is adorable!!! i think it's interesting how differently aqua and ruby respond to trauma. (suguru and satoru, anyone? okay, i'll stop... not as applicable here.) her drive and passion is extremely admirable. and with sarina's story... and baby ruby struggling to stand up only for ai to help her... my god, how heartbreaking...

i... i have a soft spot for kana because i can see some of myself reflected in her. i also think the idea of achieving a high point in your life and then moving on from that is... pretty interesting. like what do you do if you can never achieve that height again?? you were the big fish before but now you wound up in a pond where... no one cares about that anymore?? i think it's pretty admirable how she had the strength to try out something new and become an idol even though it's so easy to regress into the shadows, not wanting to embarrass yourself yet again. and kana being scared of the stage because she is not alone?? that makes so much sense but that also makes her such a kind-hearted girl...

i also enjoyed the storyline with the manga author and tokyo blade!! firstly, for a manga within a manga/anime... that's... a pretty cool story!! i wouldn't mind watching tokyo blade myself!! but... also i thought it was interesting how they showed the behind the scenes of that world... with the manga creator of tokyo blade, firstly, being so goddamn young!! twenty-two?? (and what am i doing with my life?? lying on the couch outside in the sun while my dog rests by my feet procrastinating on my work because i am perpetually indecisive??)

i thought it was interesting how they balanced her arrogance and her diligence... she is not necessarily likeable and... that's okay. i kind of like that they made her into a little bit of a... freak. (look, if i was at that restaurant, going to the bathroom, and coming out of my cubicle to witness this... being use two toothbrushes to brush their teeth while spitting into the sink, i'd be super grossed out.) i liked the dynamic between her and her sensei, though, and how she was adorably shy back then and had so much respect for her sensei... that was cute. and her desire to branch out and speak to many people being reflected in her manga... that was... pretty sad, i must admit. (but then again, that was... a little bit of projection going on from her sensei, no? i mean, i wouldn't say all my writing is necessarily reflective of me, no? it was a little... presumptive, and based on her assumptions since she... thinks her former pupil is a little... weird.)

the issue of translating manga into scripts is... fascinating. i thought it was interesting when goa spoke of how if it goes badly, the scriptwriter is blamed, but if it goes well, then the manga author is praised... that is true!!! it does go like that!!

the manga creator being a little bit of a creative tyrant from her astronomical success and the past trauma of seeing her favourite manga by her favourite sensei get butchered by bad acting... that all makes sense!! it's a compelling insider take on what it means to adapt works and i really enjoyed seeing it play out on screen and thinking about it! (and besides, so many things nowadays get adapted from medium to medium, it's a pretty nuanced take on a very contemporary issue!)

in terms of kana vs akane rivalry, i think it's pretty fun seeing them... go all out with their acting, you know? i also kind of liked the friendship between the super talented guy taiki and kana! when they were acting out that fighting scene... it was super fun!! really enjoyed it!!! (plus.. the point about adding stimulation to the theatre troupe in the form of external actors – that's pretty interesting!!)

(i also thought it was interesting how aqua extricated himself from the talent competition.)

on aqua, though...

the fact that he felt like his identity as aqua and as the doctor was merging was pretty interesting. i'm still not sure whether he's a super likeable character in my mind. he's compelling, sure. he's supportive of his sister and kana...

i just wonder if seeing ai murdered in front of his eyes was the key reason as to why his trauma response was so different from that of sarina, aside from the obvious personality differences.

i kind of wonder who ai is to him. does he really see her as his mother? i just wonder what it would be like for a highly educated guy to be transported into the body of an infant and being unable to do anything but watch as a girl much younger than you acts as your mother. THAT IS INSANE. (also, how'd he... learn how to speak?? did he retain those memories and the sounds came out instantly... or was the speaking apparatus of his child body so infantile that he had to go about it via... trial and error.)

but when he stopped ruby from pursuing her dreams by arranging that call/sending message from her phone... (i mean, he did 'let' her become an idol in the end, but still...)

(but then again, it's kind of similar to adults (more of an extreme manifestation, i guess) who softly discourage people from pursuing such careers unless their talents seem to be... almost supernatural. like i was discouraged from acting, which, upon reflection, makes sense as there were two girls in my class for whom the star of acting talent shone much brighter.)

my takeaway thought from this series was this – by leaning into absurdity and taking on a premise which seems absolutely bizarre at first glance, it was able to produce a highly nuanced and intelligent account of what it means to work in the entertainment business, and what it means to interact with this business (as most of us do) at large.

i feel like if i were to learn something from this series, it would be this – perhaps, when creating, the rational side of your brain which would discourage you from exploring a scenario in which the body of a doctor is transposed into a baby needs to be subdued as that supernatural element ended up being an appropriate vehicle in creating a broader, fascinating account that functions as a window into the world of japanese (and not just... japanese) entertainment.

i must admit – i enjoyed it so much, i got a little sad when i realised that season two was still in progress!! i wanted to binge it all!!! :))) (but, on the other hand, it allows me to think about this story for a little longer...)

thank you for recommending it!! (and apologies for my very, very, very long ramble.)

(side note – i tried checking out the fate series, but i got a little confused in terms of the watch order?? there are so many!!! and different websites say different things in terms of how you should go about watching it...)

if you have any other recommendations as to what to watch, i'd more than welcome them!! <33

hi my dearest little anon!! 🥹 tysm for the ask hehe, this was sm fun to read through!!!

first of all!!! you are soooo so welcome, it was really my pleasure!!!!! 🥺🥺 i’m so excited to properly respond to all your thoughts hehe

YOU’RE SO REAL FOR QUESTIONING WIND BREAKER’S SCHOOL SYSTEM 😭😭😭 their education is in SHAMBLES. BUT YESSS ume is such a lovely character (ABSOLUTELY bf material), and togame + choji were for sure my favorites!!!! their dynamic and story was the highlight of the season for me :33 HE’S HIS SUN…. it really did feel like a confession lol. AND SUOOO I LOVE HIM AS WELL. it’s crazy you mention that anon because i also thought of sugu when i saw him…. he’s so polite but his fighting style is so . raw? in a way? the hint of cruelty/psychological humiliation is also sooo tasty to me. i love smiley boys who are a tiny bit mean <3

and romantic killer!!!!! aaaaa it was the same for me anon, i watched it on a whim but got so addicted 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 ANZU IS SOOOO LOVELY AND SO RELATABLE. and i get you anon!!!! dating isn’t everything!!!!! i love the emphasis the show put on platonic relationships — even though i know it’s not canon, i do see anzu as aroace!! and either way it’s just refreshing to have a shoujo that shows how strong and meaningful relationships can be, whether they’re romantic or not. tsukasa’s and anzu’s relationship ended up as one of my favorites because they’re just…. so wholesome. and sweet. they care for each other sm!!!!! hijiri was my least fav of the guys too but i did think he was cute :3 TSUKASA’S STALKER WAS SOOO SCARY i’m so glad that plotline was treated with the care it deserves!!!

AHHHHH so gekkan shoujo was a fail……. THAT’S OKAY ANONNN ik it’s not everyone’s cup of tea!!! :’3 it was a while since i watched it too….. did you watch the sub or dub?? the dub is funnier imo!!!! but. again… it’s been a while…… MIKORIN IS SOOOO CUTE THOUGH I’M SO GLAD YOU LIKED HIM 🥺🥺 my baby!! my special little guy!!!!!

NOWWWWWWW <3333 OSHI NO KO TIME. I’M SOOOOOO HAPPY YOU LIKED THIS ONE ANON I WAS SO HOPING YOU WOULD 🥹🥹🥹 it’s the perfect mix of dark + gorgeous + entertaining, right???? it has it all!!!!! THE OPS AND EDS ARE SOOOOO GORGEOUS i loved s1’s songs but i’ve also gotten super attached to s2’s……

BUT YES I TOTALLYYY GET YOU. i think jjk has spoiled me a little because i find it just a teeny bit difficult to get into anime that are lacking in that area :’3 WHICH IS PERFECT BECAUSE OSHI NO KO IS SOOOO GORGEOUS. so so pretty. ESPECIALLY AI OHHH MY GOD ANON ISN’T SHE ADORABLE?? 🥺🥺🥺 our beloved idol-sama………. the star eyes are soooo beautifully animated, seeing the light leave them when she dies was . so genuinely horrifying lmao. AND YES YES YOU GET ITTTTT ai haunting the narrative!!!!!! i loved how they handled episode 1 so much….. her final ”i love you” made me. cry 😭 it still makes me cry when i watch it.

and i totally get you on the escapism!!!! jjk is just like that for me too!!!!! and yeah, i have . many theories on gorou (the doctor) and his attachment to ai!!!! how it’s connected to his own life but also his fixation on sarina…… i can’t wait to read the manga :3c

AHHH YOU’RE SO REAL FOR LOVING THE GIRLS 🥺🥺🥺 they’re all soso lovely!!!!! designs, personalities, and all!!!!!!! i hope ruby gets more spotlight in s3 because it does feel a little like s2 is aqua’s…… and i love aqua but i’m also sooo invested in ruby and her idol journey :’3 HER GROUP IS SO CUTEE. AND AS FOR THE SHIPS…… i’ll be so honest anon i think both akane and kana are too good for him LMAO. or more like i just don’t see him treating them as well as they deserve with his whole…. revenge plot going on. lmao. but overall i prefer kana as a character!!! i like kana a lot, and i think she’s so interesting and eerie like you mentioned, but kana feels so . real and grounded to me. i have a big soft spot for her too!!! AND RUBYYYY MY ANGEL. she’s so cute and so so strong, moving on with her life even after ai’s death….

THE TOKYO BLADE ARC IS SOOOOO GOOD. i totally agree!!!! i love the way all characters have been handled, they all just care about the story being told :’3 both abiko and goa!!!! the recent episode where they interact and praise each other was so precious…..

BUT YES . AQUA . oh my goddddd he makes me so insane anon…….. i have so many thoughts of him and his identity because i do think it’s so fractured. i think aqua views ai as his mother, but not gorou. their dynamic is so interesting because ai is like….. his mother, his child, and his love interest all in one, as twisted as it sounds. i do think his love for her is platonic but he himself is unsure about it and i think that adds a lot of depth to it all!!! ai is like the center of his universe….. but yeah, i don’t see him as super likeable, which is . Why i like him LMAO…. i like them a little sick in the head <333 he’s definitely a very flawed character. his attempts to control ruby show that much, even if he’s doing it because he cares…

but!!! yes!!!!! i definitely agree with you on that last point, it’s a really wacky premise that ended up as a super thoughtful exploration of the entertainment industry :3 this is just my own take, and like i said — i haven’t read the manga — but!!! i do feel like the main theme is the exploitation of children. and i wonder how that’s going to come back later in the story. i feel like that’s what everything is sort of building up to, with ai’s abuse and pregnancy, sarina’s death, aqua’s trauma… and so on.

thank you sm for checking the series out anon!!! i’m so happy you enjoyed it so much!!!! i’m always, always here in case you wanna chat abt it <333

AS FOR THE FATE SERIES. i should’ve warned you, it’s a very ……. long series with a lot of different games and manga and anime, but the right place to start is always fate/stay night 🫡🫡 the different fates aren’t connected to each other (fate/zero and fate/stay night are connected though…), so don’t worry about watching them all!! fate/stay night: unlimited bladeworks is more than enough. and if you enjoy that, you can move on to the heaven’s feel trilogy, which is…. a different, darker route the protagonist takes. stay night in general is super good!!!! i hope you enjoy it if you give it a try :3 the fate series in general probably has my favorite writing…. ever? but it might not be for everyone. the characters and dynamics are what really make it shine!!! with some super good fights <333

[rosencrantzsguildenstern]

Minami and Tsumugi (both i7) for the bingo? ^__^

you've actually successfully selected 2 of my favorite i7 characters!

tsumugi:

TSUMUGIIII she's legit like. ok i think i have a weird relation to i7 because aside from one episode of oshi no ko and like. the fever dream of watching bakumatsu rock with no context. it was my first idol anime and i didn't play the gacha or really get the mechanics/culture (like i straight up was expecting girl idols to be introduced (aya ur my only hope...) because i didn't know the genre was typically gender split. and actually pretty frequently u will see one girl or one guy but not in this case!) . anyway so i didn't immediately see her as a supporting character but more as the shoujo protagonist, imprinted on her, and began a quest for Tsumugi Screentime. i think canon treats her really well and she's a fun character but she could have so much more.

i really like her dynamics with a lot of characters that u can see in the rabbitchats... i like how she talks in emojis, i like her and momo and her and tamaki, i like her workaholicness and weird responses and that one time she couldn't do math, i'm FASCINATED by the parallels with kujo she gets occasionally, i'm also really interested in the takanashi family as in i would really enjoy more takapapa-tsumugi-banri fluff, and my favorite little thing about her is that she says she's working out/getting buff in case anything happens to idolish7 (you're going to punch someone about it? go girl. i also like her running thread about working out she has in general lol. small but mighty)

fandom doesn't understand her: i think she's aro. majority of tsumugi fans like her and gaku. i don't have major beef with this though they're cute

minami:

minami i think about you every DAYYYYY i rotate you in my brain. his slimey energy is appealing. his 16idol makes me sick. he's the most attractive character out of the main cast though if i had to date any of them im staying far away from him and going with ryuu. he drives me crazy. hes actually not that horrible of a person bc he doesn't make good on any of his threats except doing zool things with ryou? but i think he thinks he is and that's fascinating. he's pulling on the edge of a leash that was tied to a pole when he was very young and he could untie but he won't he just slowly lets others let out the length. and one day he'll die or wait no that's sogo. one day minami will kill someone. he went through a midlife crisis at 14. he's a penguin expert. i'm deeply obsessed with him

[mazojo]

how do you feel about the writing / pacing of oshi no ko? any criticism you have for as far as you've read?

I tried reading the first few 5ish chapters, and I know some spoilers, but I just can't connect with the mc or narrative. It feels really shallow (?) Or maybe the pov is too detached? I also feel like some of the characters just say things like mouthpieces, but it doesn't feel like natural dialogue ? Not sure...

All I see is praise for it / very little criticism & I don't understand...maybe I'm not a fan of the authors writing idk! Kinda wish I could see what others see and enjoy it lol

HI ANON THANKS FOR ENABLING ME TO RANT ABOUT OSHI NO KO LY

asdfgkhgf I.... I agree with what you say and as much as I want to love onk and say its a masterpiece I think it has many flaws people tend to overlook or simply ignore because of the visuals. The story is beautiful dont get me wrong, the style and the character design looks amazing and that's what drew me in the first place but as for the story...

I am gonna try not to comment on any spoilers but I just think that the characters are very detached. I dislike most characters (except Kana go queen go bestie my entire world if you wish) because they are all so.... Not real people sometimes. Like I want to connect with them and feel the story they are telling but sometimes they feel to detached and it just kind of ends up going in circles.

The story is interesting I think it has a nice hook but I dont think its enough to keep the reader going sometimes. There is the whole supernatural element behind it that I dont want to spoil too much of but it has been a few chapters since it was last commented upon and we are back to the same cycle of the story where Aqua is just there manipulating the people around him and everyone running behind him to his every beck and call. I think Aqua is an interesting character because of his complexity but I think people really overlook how much of a shitty person he can be too imo

Anyways I guess what I am trying to say is that yes I see where you are coming for. What kept me going is the curiosity behind the story and I hope all the dead ends are tied in the end because I feel like we are slowly reaching the climax up to date but I overall dont know how to feel about the whole story and I am excited for the anime mostly for Kana, Melt and the visuals and the Akane x Kana moments who are we kidding

[yuseirra]

ONK Relationship Parallels- an Analysis!!

In short, in terms of the Aqua-Kana and Kamiki-Ai relationship, it's actually Kamiki who's similar to Kana in that relationship while Ai is to Aqua.

Also, out of the twins, Ruby is the one who resembles the dad in many ways in terms of psychology and behavior, even compared to Aqua. Aqua is the one who takes after Ai in many situations and I find it really clever... they do take after both their parents, of course. But I think their base personality is that the daughter takes after the dad while the son takes after the mother.

I wrote about that aspect today! I think it's really interesting, so I'd like for you to read it!

While skimming through the "Oshi no Ko" manga, I found something really interesting:

If we try to compare the relationship between Kamiki and Ai to Aqua and Akane's relationship, it's pretty straightforward that Kamiki is in Aqua's position and Ai is in Akane's position. (To some extent, Akane has the feeling of wanting to protect Aqua, to take care of him, and to hope that he lives well.)

But if we compare Aqua and Kana's positions, it's surprisingly Kana who is in Kamiki's position, and Aqua who is in Ai's position. There are subtle parallels between them (an attempted/experienced sexual exploitation by an older person—though I'm not sure if this was intentional; the side who received a meal during a date (and Ai-Aqua being the one who doesn't usually dress up but does so for the occasion); the desire to be noticed by the other person—if we consider Fatal as Kamiki's song, there's a recurring theme of "look at me" in the lyrics, and that song is indeed associated with that character!! Kana is all about wanting to have Aqua look at her too; receiving praise from the other person for being "shiny"). And, of course, Kana received quite a bit of help from Aqua. However, just as Kana occasionally does so for Aqua, the idea of "pulling someone out of the darkness" fits Ai’s role concerning Kamiki.

Also, among the twins, I’ve had a vague sense that Kamiki’s personality resembles Ruby's more than Aqua's.

After reading Volume 13, that feeling grew stronger. Kamiki’s past is extremely tragic, and he brings misfortune with him. People around him die a lot. There’s something tied to the divine, perhaps? If you carefully read the manga, several comments hint that something is up with Ruby. If one of the twins is born with the talent of being a "star" and is befitting to be one, it would be Ruby. Regarding this, Kana feels an inferiority complex about Ruby, and Memcho also mentions there’s something special about Ruby. When Ruby decides to become popular, she draws everyone’s attention instantly, and even Miyako doesn’t doubt Ruby’s potential to rise. If someone was chosen by the gods out of the twins, it would be Ruby... Though it’s a given both were chosen. It does seem that both Kamiki and Ruby have some divine connection. They both lived extremely unfortunate lives, with people around them dying, while they survive. When it comes to them, events unfold in ways too peculiar to be mere coincidence. I feel like Kamiki's being cursed by a god while Ruby could be being favored by one, but the one cursing Kamiki might also be "blessing" him in an unpredictable way? Anyhow he's tied to "a star that ruins lives" if we take what Fatal is saying at face value- and I think we actually CAN at this point. Stars are so important in this series.

Ruby’s line, "I only bring misfortune,"(CH 121-122) is something Kamiki could likely say as well (if you look at that character’s life, it really seems like he drags misfortune along with him). Kamiki never mentions his family, nor they have any appearance in the plot which suggests that, like Sarina’s case, even if he had a family, he was completely neglected. (Their kid’s going through things, but what are his parents doing..?); the idea of working hard for years out of a desire to see someone again (if "Mephisto"/"Fatal" is indeed that character’s song); the longing to be loved...

If Ai were alive and they figured it out the way Aqua reveals it to Ruby, this character might have broken down and cried like Ruby did... The same could be said for Aqua, though.

Ai has a firmer personality, while Kamiki has a softer side. Even when Ruby turned dark, she couldn’t actually harm others. In that case, how broken could Kamiki be? It feels like he might have been indirectly involved in things rather than directly. If Ai were alive, she probably would’ve somehow prevented him from walking down a path that didn’t suit his nature (and from what I sense, she did ultimately defend him from completely going down that path through the video she's left). When Aqua shows the keychain and says, “This doesn’t suit you, so I hope you give up on this path,” Ruby immediately returns to having the white star eyes again. This is similar to how Kamiki pulls himself together after watching Ai’s video after the movie arc. The effect is almost instantaneous for both Ruby and Kamiki. Of course, if seeing that didn’t change his mind in such a way, it would’ve been ineffective in the first place...

Ai’s way of dealing with situations involves hiding her feelings... Though she smiles brightly, she kept a distance and hid things deeply. On the other hand, Kamiki pretends there’s no darkness, acting as if everything is bright, and approaches others cheerfully. This resembles how Aqua and Ruby deal with things, in that respective order. So, there’s definitely a part of Aqua that takes after Ai and Ruby that takes after their father.

(clarifying this after an inquiry: Ai and Hikaru's very similar in that they form masks and pretend they're happy and fine- that's what drew them together and it is what they share in common. The details about it are a bit different though. Ai grows distant to people while Hikaru wants to get attached to people. In terms of attachment theory, Ai leans more on the avoidant type and Hikaru is the anxious type. So Ai forms a mask to appear as if "she's okay" but fails to rely in others when she needs it- whereas Hikaru does that to receive love and affection to fill his emptiness. That's how he keeps approaching others but gets used up and exploited whereas, nobody in B-Komachi could become so close to Ai, nor have anyone really understand her and feel she was mysterious and secretive. In terms of this, the way Aqua and Ruby act parallels them. Aqua avoids letting others learn behind his mask and keeps his distance to keep them and himself from getting hurt, whereas Ruby tried her best to be a good child when she was Sarina. She was attached to her mother and craved love the way Hikaru was towards people.

+Amaterasu is the sun goddess, and I found that Sarutahiko, the husband of Ame-no-Uzume, was a native sun god worshiped in the region before Amaterasu. As the influence of the faction believing in Amaterasu grew stronger, Sarutahiko’s influence diminished, and he gave up his position. So, Ruby and Kamiki are both connected to the sun. The description of Sarutahiko having a shining body in their legends seems to be a remnant of being a sun deity. Kana is also compared to the sun, and as mentioned earlier, when comparing Aqua-Kana and Kamiki-Ai, Kamiki often corresponds to Kana’s position. Even their names start similarly with "Ka"- Kamiki and Kana, and "A." Aqua and Ai.

++ Aqua’s pattern of intentionally distancing himself from those he cares about (continuously pushing Kana away, trying to distance himself from Ruby) is similar to what Ai did with Kamiki. Kamiki also misunderstood and thought Ai didn’t like him, that he wasn’t needed like everyone else, and was hurt and saddened. That's really similar to the way Kana thought about Aqua although they made up pretty fast. While Kamiki and Aqua share similar thought processes, Aqua resembles Ai, and Ruby or Kana resembles Kamiki in the way they handle situations and the emotions they experience. It's fascinating and clever if you think about it.

There seem to be a lot of parallels. If this was done intentionally, the author is really smart...

There’s a lot to uncover in this manga if you look at it carefully. I think this manga is best read all at once in volumes. Then, surprisingly, the structure doesn’t seem bad at all. The author must have had a lot of thoughts in mind...

Tsukuyomi’s family also doesn’t seem to be very good, the way she briefly describes how they aren't so normal in CH127 and Ai and Kamiki’s family environments were the worst, weren’t they?

It makes me think that the families of gods or those possessed by gods turn out to be miserable. Do their families have a hard time accepting them for some reason? Maybe because the essence of these children is far from ordinary? In my opinion, the lyric "(Ai is the) reincarnation of the brightest star" wasn’t just thrown there. The English version of IDOL also mentions Ai being the "brightest star reborn indeed", "the brightest star is residing in you(Ai)" and Kamiki is probably similar to her in aspect… I think those characters' true essence is divine. The mythological elements fit together too well.

Maybe when Tsukuyomi selects souls to reincarnate she picks those with unfortunate family backgrounds for this reason? So many thoughts come to mind.

It doesn’t seem like these traits are mere coincidences.

+Based on the songs and subtle hints, it really seems like Kamiki was REALLY planning to die, but stopped after hearing Ai’s words…

Even though the hints are vague, does this character really have any reason to want to continue on living in the first place?; It feels like he was planning to do something related to Ai and then die, but after hearing Ai’s words, he couldn’t go through with it because Ai wouldn't want it. It seems like he stopped immediately and came back… That's... really sad.

The manga doesn’t show exactly what happened, but I think Ai probably did something for this character that’s very similar to what Aqua did for Ruby or what Kana did for Aqua (I don’t think it could be anything else).

Whether they’ll show this in the story or just gloss over it... I doubt it will be the latter, right?;; I really need them to depict this if they're going to throw songs like Mephisto and Fatal out there. I'm WAITING...

There's another analysis I wrote regarding WHY Ai contacted Kamiki through the phone booth but also reacted a bit harsh to the idea of reconciling: I wrote another post about it earlier, but I'll do it again!

It’s really important that Ai was the one who contacted her boyfriend first. I’m not sure if others think the same way I do, but the fact that this character reached out shows just how much she trusted and liked her boyfriend. I pointed this out even before Chapter 154 came out, WAY before, when I wrote my first analysis about her character. If she didn’t like him, she could’ve just continued to stay away. And it turns out that she didn’t contact him because she liked him too much—she disappeared because she didn’t want to be a burden. So, if she didn’t care for him/or cared about him- either way, she could’ve just stayed out of touch like she had, but why did she decide to reach out?

In short, it’s because she heard the kids talking negatively about their father. It wasn’t just because she was worried they were getting some bizarre ideas like her giving birth all alone without the dad(although that could have been part of it). Letting the father know about the kids and bringing him into their home was a risky move from Ai’s perspective. After all, she was calling a man she had parted ways with years ago into a home where it was just her and her two little four-year-olds. It would be difficult to handle any unexpected situation in such a state.

But Ai wasn’t worried about that at all.

Ai had a good understanding of Kamiki’s personality. She probably has way more information than the readers do, having spent so much time watching and living with him. So, the Kamiki Ai envisioned wasn’t someone who would ever harm her or her precious, carefully hidden children in any way.

On the contrary, Kamiki was someone she wanted to show the children to, someone she hoped could clear up their misunderstandings. When Ai talks about Kamiki, you can tell she really, really, really loves him. I know that’s true. It’s definitely true. The words that come out of her mouth is SO strong. You can't say things like that unless you find the other person so endearing, especially with someone who was deeply hurt by people by the way she was.

She thought it wasn't good for her kids to have a negative reaction when they think of their father, or to say things like “there’s no such thing as a man” when he’s mentioned.

Ai knew her kids were smart and figured they would get along well with their father if they met him. She thought they would accept each other well, and that Kamiki would like her bright kids too, so she contemplated it and then decided to call him, feeling it would be the better option.

If you think about it, back when they first met, Ai invited Kamiki into her home right away. She wasn’t wary of him at all… she treated him very differently from others. And nothing bad happened at that time either.

The conclusion we can draw from this is that Kamiki, in normal circumstances, could never harm Ai or the children. That character just can't do something like that, it's NOT his nature. Even though he was young, he would have turned out to be a pretty decent parent.

But why didn’t they stay together? Because a scandal would’ve hindered Kamiki’s future.

I noticed Ai only completed junior high school... It seems she dropped out after having the children... That’s heartbreaking.

Did Kamiki continue going to school?; Anyway, at that time, they were both still very young—neither of them had even turned 20. If they had officially gotten together, it would’ve attracted a lot of attention. Would it have just looked like they were dating?; Japan seems to frown heavily on idols being in relationships, right? I suppose it’s the same in other countries too?;

Ai left thinking everything would be fine as long as they weren’t linked to him, then raised the children on her own till that day. She eventually ended up contacting him again, however, to resolve the misunderstandings their precious children had about the dad... If they had gotten back together at that point, it would’ve made their breakup meaningless… I think that was what was going on her mind. She can't give the answer he wants and say they can get together in that situation. But she still wants to show him the kids. You have to think about that. It didn't occur to Kamiki either, and Aqua's "revenge"... well, I guess that's about him having missed her intent on that aspect. It's not entirely Kamiki's fault, Ai's really blunt about a lot of things and it backfires in a terrible way... but what she says can mean more things than one, it sometimes has more than what can be taken the way it's said in a direct sense. Ai is really caring. And she was really loving. "The god who loves people" is definitely linked to her in some way...

[greatwyrmgold]

Oshi no Ko is a lot like Mushoku Tensei, in that I would have dropped both series immediately due to their protagonists embodying some of my pet peeve tropes, but people keep saying they're good, so I want to give them a fair shake.

Yeah, no, that was my one concise, well-composed statement for the post. Everything else is just rambling about random thoughts. Keep reading if you want to see another perspective on OnK or like reading what I write, I guess.

Cream of the Crop

I get why the anime combined the first several manga chapters into a feature-length Episode 1; the alternative would be to spend 3-4 episodes building up something that would be twisted away in episode 4/5. But it feels like several distinct episodes in the lives of its main characters, connected primarily by the fact that it's the same person doing them.

The most obvious instance of this is how Ruby's past life is explored near the end of the episode, instead of at the beginning when said past life was introduced. It works, I guess, but...I think introducing, explaining, and resolving her issues around dancing in one chunk with no breaks works better when that chunk is a discrete manga chapter and not ten minutes of a feature-length anime episode. I can't help but wonder whether the story could have been restructured a bit in the screenplay stage.

The author clearly put a lot of research into the idol industry, and while he respects the idols, he absolutely does not respect the industry. Which is the proper distribution of respect in most industries, I feel.

It's interesting to contrast how Aquamarine and Ruby react to their respective reincarnations, how their very different apparent personalities are a straightforward result of taking advantage of a second chance at life after very different first chances. Maybe I'll write a full post about that.

The sound design in this show is great. The scene where Aquamarine and Ruby attend their mom's concert gave me the same kind of anxiety as a hundred people cheering in a small concrete room while loud music plays would in real life. (Though I could pause the noise and type something in the other tab, so it wasn't quite that bad overall.)

Crop of the Cream

I read the manga, since it was also available on the website where I...um, legally accessed the Kaguya-sama manga. I don't remember exactly why I stopped, beyond the overt-wish-fulfillment vibes and not having heard as many people insist that it's great.

I really like how the theme of deception is introduced in the anime's opening lines. It sounds like it's one of those "This is a word of fiction, any similarities to real people are a coincidence" disclaimers, but it's actually the start of a thesis statement!

Over the course of one scene, our protagonist: gets called a lolicon without denying it, tells a 12-year-old patient that he can't marry her because "he'd be good as dead socially" (and not any of the other reasons), offers to consider it when she's 16, doesn't deny that he'd date another 16-year-old if she asked, and gets called a lolicon again without denying it. It would be one thing if he was a high school senior, but he's a doctor who completed his residency, so he's probably at least 30. Ew.

The manager desperately hoping that Ai is 20 weeks constipated and not 20 weeks pregnant is pretty funny.

I'm the kind of person who will probably put way too much thought into the metaphysical implications of one of AI's twins being the reincarnation of someone who died years ago, and the other being the reincarnation of someone who died late in the third trimester. (Oh, um, spoilers; the Mushoku Tensei comparison isn't just because I find the protagonists aggravating.)

On the positive side, those implications probably contribute to the show feeling less aggressively pro-life than you'd expect from a series whose inciting incident (point of attack?) is a teenaged idol deciding to have kids even though it could ruin her career and reputation. The fetuses don't have souls even days/hours before they're born (after all, Aquamarine's soul is still in the doctor), and the possibility of terminating the pregnancy is floated quite neutrally.

It would have been easy to have the doctor...what's the silliest way to phrase this?...qualify for reincarnation after an appointment with Truck-kun. However, the author instead decided to have his death be part of an event that's actually relevant to the rest of the plot. Nice storytelling efficiency.

"Oh, right, there's another person who lives with us." The doctor clearly wasn't an only child in his past life.

One point of contrast between Oshi no Ko and Mushoku Tensei: Aquamarine is not perversely joyous about seeing his new mom's boobs. Rudeus is happy to be breast-fed, Aquamarine prefers the bottle.

(Which is as good a time to remark that, even though the doctor was worse than I remembered, he matured a lot when he turned into a baby. Or at least he toned down his worst habits.)

Judging by how well Aquamarine and Ruby sit when watching Ai perform on TV, they're probably six months old by that point. Which means that Ai's break from idol-ing was a bit less than a year long, and that she had half a year to remember that Ruby is in the pink onesie and Aquamarine is in the blue one. (Ai forgetting their names was a bit less silly when her kids were printed in shades of gray.)

This is contrasted with the fact that some background dialogue implies that Ai's idol group has only been on hiatus for six months or so, which in turn implies that the author either doesn't know or doesn't care that newborns can't sit up unsupported like that, even if they have the memories of a grown-up. (They don't have the muscles to support their heads, let alone their whole bodies.)

Yeah, the doctor was definitely a big brother before he got reincarnated.

Also, since you can see it: The fact that Aquamarine and Dummy Ruby each have a star in one eye (with Ai having a star in each) is a great character design detail. And while we're here, baby Ruby stealing her mom's phone to get into flame wars on Twitter is hilarious. (I hope she used her past life's account and not her mom's...)

Is it weird that I find newborn Aquamarine and Ruby talking more plausible than them sitting up or walking around? I have no idea if baby vocal cords are physically capable of making intelligible words.

"Aquamarine claiming to be a divine messenger? Nah, that's crazy, I don't believe in that stuff. Ruby claiming to be an incarnation of the goddess Amaterasu? Oh shit, that's definitely a thing." (Ruby must just be a better actress.)

Ruby's got the right idea. Or...well, part of the right idea, the liver thing is just absurd. But speaking of AI's salary, the 208,000¥ she got as net pay is not much to live on! According to the first source I found, the cost of living for a single person in Tokyo is about 143,000¥ without rent, with rent for a single-person apartment being at least 60,000¥. So her pay would cover Ai's basic expenses, if she didn't also have kids.

It seems like she's living with her manager and his wife (so said wife can be a live-in babysitter on top of her other duties), which complicates things a little. But yeah, no wonder she's worried about being able to send her kids to a good school. (And not buying ice cream won't help.)

Ai coming across a tweet complimenting her on the genuine smile she had when she saw her kids in the concert audience, and taking that as a lesson for making her smiles look more genuine in the future...that's her in a nutshell, isn't it? She wants to be the best idol she can, and she'll fake sincerity as hard as she needs to do it.

I can't tell how much of the over-the-top formality in Aquamarine's apology is in the original Japanese and how much is a result of trying to translate a level of grammatical politeness that English doesn't support, but it's funny either way.

Starting to remember that, as much as the doctor had a few really egregious moments (like the bit where he implied he'd be fine getting engaged to a 12-year-old if it wouldn't ruin his social life), the thing that bugged me/reminded me of Mushoku Tensei was less the perv stuff and more the adulation. I can only take so many scenes where characters remark on how Aquamarine is acting weirdly mature, only to praise him for being a genius, before I complain about it in the stream-of-consciousness log I have open in the other tab. Especially when one of them ended with a director going "I want to hire you as an actor, small child I just met. Take my business card." Kudos to Aquamarine for pointing out that he should probably give it to someone old enough to sign a contract. (If you gave your business card to an actual toddler, he's more likely to eat than to call you.)

Kana's attitude is weird for a kid, in ways that can't be encapsulated by any single screencap. It's probably a side effect of being a professional actress for a substantial fraction of her life, but I would be very amused if she (and every other child character with a meaningful role) was another reincarnee who remembers her past life.

I can't decide if Kana freaking out at how good Aquamarine was at acting for a "creepy child" role (when he wasn't even trying) is another instance of ego-stroking, or if it's a joke about how Aqua is just a creepy little dude. Sadly, it feels more like the former. The focus of the scene is on "Aquamarine is a good actor and Kana feels shamed next to him," not "Ha ha, Aqua's creepy".

One last point about Kana's bit: I find it hilarious that she assumes his legal name of "Aquamarine" is just a stage name. I mean, yes, that's fair. Aquamarine is a silly name, possibly sillier in Japanese than in English. Yet that's the name Ai chose for her son.

Aquamarine checking up on the state of his prior life's missing person report is a neat plot beat. It's also the only reason we know his doctor name (Gorou Amemiya). I wonder if it'll go anywhere.

Ruby wanting to hide details of her past life from Aquamarine feels like some pointless secret-hiding drama. Like, how is any of it going to be relevant ever?

Ruby expressing her grief by getting into more flame wars on Twitter was...a mixture of emotions. Sad. Poignant. Funny. Yeah, I said it, a preschooler sending violently angry tweets at people criticizing her dead mom is funny.

I like this line.