#I just like the nuance better in the series

[madou-dilou]

My analysis of Viren's death

Viren’s death in The Dragon Prince is one of the series' most ambiguous and tragic moments —a conclusion both majestic and cruel for the best character in the show.

Such a complicated and torn character couldn't possibly die a clear-cut death. He had to deliver a multi-faceted answer that refused any binary reading.

From the very beginning, Viren saw himself as the only one capable of protecting Katolis, willing to sacrifice himself for the greater good. He didn’t just want to be the executor of necessary sacrifices; he wanted to be the one who decided them, who bore the burden, the hero clad in luxurious black outfits, who dirties his hands for the salvation of others and, above all, was thanked, adored, celebrated, and obeyed for it. Even if it meant usurping the throne, for he has not the idealism granted by a priviledged birth. When Harrow rejected the sacrifice of his life, dismissing him as a "nothing but a servant", it was particularly painful for him... but it wouldn’t have been if Viren had been willing to sacrifice not only his life but, more importantly, his ego.

And it is that very ego that eventually leads him to his moral downfall.

Viren’s hamartia is not that he seeks validation, but that he lets this need overshadow his empathy and morality. He says so himself: he’s desperate to matter.

And yet, though his death ultimately serves the greater good, strikingly similar to his sincere claims, it is far from a martyr’s death. It happens after he has crawled before the rightful king, traded his luxurious black robes for tattered white rags, all in the greatest indifference—without witnesses, without recognition, without honor, leaving no trace. "I am a servant." No one is there to see the blood he spills onto the ground. In expiating this way, in humility, he finally accepts what he had always refused: to be nothing more than a servant whose existence leaves no trace. This renunciation, this ultimate submission to erasure, seems to mark a true transformation for the better.

However, this reading of a purely redemptive death deserves nuance.

I understand why it doesn't sit right with most of his fans -because why on earth bother spending a whole season on a whole introspection dream teaching him that on contrary to what he always believed, he was always free, thus the sole to blame for all his awful decisions (""No matter where you come from, no matter what you did before, each step forward is a choice. I am free and so are you""), but also therefore able to take a different path, if it's to conclude his arc (reducing to a tragic figure, trapped, framed as fly caught in a spider's web) like this... ?

... but I think the bare minor piano music, reminescent of Ramin Djiwadi's best compositions for Game of Thrones and House of the Dragon, acknowledges how awful Viren's fate actually is. The show itself acknowledges how unfair it all is.

Viren’s descent into darkness, from his first compromises to his final act, was never solely dictated by cold ambition or political calculation. It was, above all, an expression of profound self-loathing, fueled by the conviction that he could be nothing but a monster.

When Lissa called him a monster for what he was willing to do to save their son, he couldn’t help but agree with her. He once ripped the heart from a monster to save innocent lives, and now, he is doing the exact same thing. From the beginning, he has proven willing to offer his own life—not out of pure altruism, but because he has always seen himself as the monster who had no choice, the necessary instrument of a cruel balance. This is what dark magic teaches its practitioners: to see themselves and others only as tools. Viren was raised by a man who devoured his own arm to fuel his spells. His suicide, rather than a release from his ego, is its ultimate culmination: convinced that he deserves neither forgiveness nor recognition, he chooses to burn his note to disappear in silence.

His act, far from the nobility of sacrifice, instead reaffirms the worst belief he has ever held about himself—the one that led to all the others: if he believed he had the right to sacrifice others, it was precisely because he saw himself as devoid of intrinsic worth. Or rather, only ever worth whatever he was willing to lose. We’re talking about the man who screamed at his own reflection that he was nothing, worthless, until he collapsed in tears in the dark. Being indispensible was the only way he ever knew to prove he was worth something, anything.

So this final sacrifice is also the inevitable conclusion of a death wish he never truly escaped. Despite all his attempts to free himself from it, he was ultimately helpless to defy his fate. After all, sacrifice is the only thing he ever knew how to offer.

There is also a ... not pleasing classist dimension to this: Viren is a man who tried to rise above his station, to prove that his intelligence and dedication could transcend the established order, but he is punished for it. While Ezran and Callum, rulers by birthright, retain their legitimacy without ever having to earn or prove it, Viren is condemned to crawl, to cry and beg, to call himself a servant, and to disappear. His final erasure, where even his name is ignored, suggests a social fatalism: he never had a place among the born rulers, and his ascent was an aberration that history quickly wipes away. It is unfair, considering he saved countless lives—especially when Avizandum, who caused famines that left thousands of humans to starve, and Zubeia, who ordered Harrow's death, were given an entire memorial right beside Sarai’s and Harrow's tombs. I’m willing to let go of past grievances, but what would the Sunfire elves say if a statue of Viren was erected right in the middle of Lux Aurea?

Look : I wouldn't even have minded Viren's erasure from history if it had been debated on by the Katolis Council, for it would show how history is always constructed and biaised. But the show apparently doesn't care (and neither does Soren given his incoherent, insufferable persona in Book VII). Anyway

The ambiguity of Viren's death also extends to the impact of his death on his children.

His act is a liberation for Soren, a royal guard and an heir deemed disappointing, who grew up in the shadow of a father resigned to seeing him as nothing more than a sacrificial pawn. By choosing to disappear without explanation or justification, Viren spares Soren the burden of a grief weighed down by guilt or the ambivalence of a farewell letter that would have attempted to justify the wounds he inflicted. Soren can finally break free and move forward without carrying the weight of the past.

Claudia, on the other hand, a dark mage like her father, who sacrificed everything to bring him back, is shattered. Where Viren believed he was freeing her by leaving, liberating her from everything she was willing to endure for him, and offering her a new life, he instead plunges her into an abyss of anger and despair from which she may never escape.

However, it is implied that Soren’s instant proposal ""take my heart" and long-acted enlistment in the royal guard, is not just noble but also the awful result of the deep self-devaluation Viren instilled in his children. Soren felt so neglected and unworthy of love he thought he could only prove himself by enlisting as a crownguard, by sacrificing himself. And even now, that's probably what he's still doing when he orders Viren to take his heart. Fortunately, Viren immediately realises this and instead offers his own heart.

Similarly, Claudia, who amputated herself to save Viren, screams at his corpse, "You taught me how to love myself"… when she has just proven that she doesn’t love herself at all. It is a purely tragic paradox.

Her definition of self-love is entirely shaped by Viren’s sacrificial ideology: to love is to give until there is nothing left. He did not teach her to love herself, but to give everything, to burn herself away for another—to the point that she no longer exists outside of this devotion. This is exactly what Viren meant to stop by leaving her.

Thus, Viren, in his final moments, realised the awful truth that he had transmitted a twisted vision of sacrifice to his children, the "dark and lonely path" : he taught them that their worth could only exist through what they were willing to lose. Soren by offering his heart, and Claudia, by tearing a leg apart, embody this bitter legacy each in their own way.

Yet, far from only ending the destructive cycles he set in motion, Viren inadvertently prolongs them: Soren is freed, but Claudia is consumed by grief.

And the final nail in the children's coffin : when Viren tried to die for Harrow in episode 3 of Book I, he told what he intended to do to Soren, the crownguard, knowing he would understand, but kept it a secret from Claudia, knowing she'd try to stop him. It ultimately exactly what happens in Book VI.

Of course, because TDP loves parallels, many other parallels come to sublimate Viren’s death.

Both Ziard and Viren die defending humanity from Sol Regem, using dark magic. But Viren refuses to make others (magical creatures) bear the burden of his heroism. Ziard’s act unwittingly set a precedent of conflict and retribution, while Viren takes full responsibility upon himself.

Like Harrow, Viren, after writing a note to his son, gives his life as a lord protector of the realm, in a desperate hope to break the cycle of violence and pain—yet tragically, both inadvertently spark new cycles in their wake.

Runaan also sees himself as taking on the burden of monstrous actions for those they love. They killed each other’s kings. The visual symmetry between Runaan’s capture and Viren’s death emphasizes their shared tragedy: bound by duty, yet, as Rayla says, monsters leaving behind a daughter who still needs them.

All these parallels show that Viren’s death embodies the show’s core themes: cycles of violence, sacrifice, and unintended consequences. Does sacrificing oneself to end them ever truly work, or does it only perpetuate them? Can we ever escape them? Do the dead ever stop breathing within us?

Despite all these contradictions—or rather, because of them—his death remains a moment of huge intensity. It is both a redemption and a condemnation, a liberation and a punishment, a necessary sacrifice and a cruel end. His final act refuses to be confined to a single interpretation, and it is precisely this complexity that makes it so unforgettable. It's just like the double-headed snake he gave Harrow. Whether one sees Viren's death as the deserved punishment of a monster who tried to be more than he could be ("leader of heroes"), or the ultimate surrender of a man convinced of his own worthlessness ("virus"), the mere fact that it could be both at once and more makes it like a multifaceted gem. An indifferent death, yet grandiose. An unjust conclusion, yet perfect.

Well I would have loved it if he had mentored Callum for a while and contributed significantly to Aaravos's downfall but anyway.

(Book II foreshadowing, rubbing his own wrist as the sky is set ablaze by a dying sun, on the very balcony he'll eventually commit suicide on, god I love him so much)

[disappearinginq]

9?

Annnd because I'm in my third rewatch of Will Trent: exactly a hundred words.

"Easy, easy. You're okay, I've got you."

Funny how words that were spoken too often in malice were no longer comforting, no matter who said them, or why.

Or maybe it was the where that changed their context.

Will jerked away from the prying hands, only to hit something else, a searing pain radiating up from broken ribs.

“Hey, it’s me, Will – it’s me.”

Angie, his as-always-too-slow brain provided. He relaxed fractionally, except it still hurt to breathe. Hurt to move. And for a moment, he was back in the living room, surrounded by broken glass and blood.

“You’re okay.”

[raelle-writing]

The DFF fandom on Twitter has gotten out of control.

Since Saturday, I have been called an abuse apologist, a r*pe apologist, a bully, a child, a shit person, stupid, shortsighted, mean, etc. as well been told to seek therapy.

Why?

Because I like Jin.

[separatist-apologist]

I always thought the Mor/Azriel thing was not about mor “leading him on” or w/e but about AZRIEL - is this guy so weird and messed up in the head that he can’t read 500 years worth of signal or be outright rejected?? And she and Cassian are trapped in this awkward dance of appeasement where they need to be friends but not too much friends bc azriel is insane, but still important. It’s why I like LIBTM so much… you let him be weird and horny and a little bit psycho

All jokes aside, Azriel spent, what, 12 years of his life locked in the dark while experiencing horrific abuse? I do think that changes a person in fundamental ways.

It's not a slam on Azriel to say it may have made him socially strange or a little unusual. I think all of those things are true based on the slices of his personality we've gotten so far. I also don't fault people who don't want to touch on that, because I don't think SJM really goes that in-depth with her characters for the ACOTAR series. The tragedy in their pasts is more flavoring than anything. I'm happy to be wrong- and I think there is a lot to explore with Azriel and what we know about him (I just don't think she's interested in that for the ACOTAR series based on what we got with Rhys and Cassian and their own tragedies which are used to absolve some of their behaviors, but only ever inform their characters in said absolving).

I think approaching the Mor situation from a "Azriel can't read the room" is a far more nuanced approach than "Mor owes Azriel an explanation/is a bitch for stringing him along" but like...that requires nuance.

[bluegarners]

it is fascinating to watch the turn around evolution of people's opinion on Grayson. i remember just a year ago people were trashing on it so bad and now there's a call for it to become like a mini tv series

[apricotbuncakes]

Ranma 1/2 is an interesting show.

Clearly a product of it's time through very obvious homophobia and transphobia, but again is an interesting watch nonetheless. I need to make it known now though that I DO in fact love this show very much. Loving a show and being critical of it are not mutually exclusive. Some of y'all have piss poor reading comprehension so I'm stating it now. I LOVE Ranma 1/2, and I have criticisms of it.

The premise of Ranma 1/2 is that Ranma, his dad, and a handful of other people fell into cursed spring water in China where one is cursed to inhabit a body correlated with who or what died in the water previously. Ranma gets one of a young girl so whenever he is doused in cold water, his body transforms into that of the female sex, and only reverts back to its original male sex when he is doused in cold water.

(I'm going to note now that I'm using he/she/they pronouns for Ranma, based on how he identifies in a given moment, not necessarily what sex he has, as gender and sex are not the same, yada yada yada, you get the drill).

One episode is about Akane accidentally eating testosterone infused noodles and beating a girl named Shampoo who is out for (boy) Ranma's affection. Akane is now super strong because the noodles increased Akane's testosterone levels. And then as Akane is challenging (girl) Ranma in the same challenge to prove she is truly stronger than Ranma, she runs off because she's spontaneously grown small bits of facial hair and is embarrassed by it.

Like holy shit?? I WISH testosterone worked that fast!!! This is what you-know-whos think happens when trans people are in sports, which is so funny because this is a fantasy martial arts anime. So this is the mind of material we're working with here. ANYWAY!

A few episodes later Ranma hits his head and then wakes up truly feeling like a woman, and describes the VERY FEELINGS I FEEL ABOUT MY PAST SELF, how she feels that memories of her past self are someone else's memories and don't truly belong to her (she's just like me for real). There's a point in the episode where Ranma's father dumps water on her head to turn her body back to male, and the scene ends with her distraught and sliding down a door after hiding herself away, very clearly going through intense dysphoria and distress.

Akane later offers to take her shopping and Ranma goes to get changed into cute clothes only to realize that she still has dysphoria over her body, how she doesn't feel pretty wearing the cute clothes in her male body because she thinks they don't fit her right. I really hate how the music they played in the background is the same when a character is upset but the audience isn't supposed to take it seriously, the music played when a characters' emotions are meant for laughs, because Ranma is so clearly in distress and almost no one else is taking it seriously (except for Akane's older sister). And despite the small tidbits of encouragement and affirmation Akane gives Ranma, Akane still is at least a bit annoyed at how it's all playing out.

During the shopping trip, Akane even admits to being embarrassed by Ranma being excited about girls clothes because other people thought Ranma was being perverted (God forbid someone think a bra is pretty, and again I know it's a product of it's time but I'm still allowed to be annoyed by it). Instead of standing up for Ranma, Akane drags her away for them both to hide.

Ranma even struggles to use the men's restroom because she's uncomfortable with having to use a urinal, and Akane ends up dumping Ranma with cold water so she can use the women's. Then Akane buys Ranma a dress so she isn't in wet clothes. A rather expensive dress too. (Apparently it's okay for Ranma to like feminine things as long as she looks like a girl to everyone else...). Ranma loves it and wears it the rest of the outing.

The entire episode portrays Ranma in a very stereotypical "women do as men say, only like feminine things, doesn't like violence, cliché" sort of way, but that isn't inherently bad. Ranma even says that she wants to do a lot of these things because she genuinely enjoys them, and not just for bridal training. (Except in one scene where one of the side characters who is a perverted freak is trying to see Ranma in a bra and Ranma almost lets him because she doesn't want fighting, which is a weird thing even for Ranma to almost allow, but I digress). It is odd because Ranma is being portrayed during this time with different standards than Akane, the other main lead. Akane is frequently bullied by Ranma for being 'tomboyish' while the rest of the characters don't seem to have a problem with it. Even Ranma is presumably only picking on Akane in an effort to hide his romantic attraction to Akane, determined to not fall in love because their marriage was arranged.

By the end of the episode, Ranma has hit their head again and is again very firm in his identity as a guy (which is standard for the majority of the show).

Honestly, not on par with more modern representation, but it's still a fun watch and I'm slowly going to drag my friends into binging it with me. I started crying after seeing that episode because jesus fucking christ they hit the nail on the head and still seemed to miss the point.

Like, I'm not sure if the original author of Ranma 1/2 intended for this episode to be portrayed this way, if it was an effort to comply with social expectations at the time, or if they genuinely thought it was funny for Ranma to identify as a girl despite everyone 'knowing' she's 'really a boy' but it kinda hurt. This show is a really nice exploration of gender and sexuality, but it still feels restricted, playing a trans coded character for laughs or for being seen as annoying and perverted because the character is acting different than they did before. I love this show so much, and damn it I'm going to write so much fanfiction about this episode but gaaaaahhhh. I think I'm frustrated at what this episode could have been.

This isn't the only episode that irks me like this, but it is the biggest one so far. I wish we could have a more modern adaptation of this anime. I'm not sure every Ranma 1/2 fan would enjoy it, but I would love to see this anime portrayed with a more modern lense, where Ranma isn't made fun of by Akane and others for expressing part of their identity, something that affects his everyday. Where a lesbian isn't attempted to be pulled back to the 'straight and narrow', or said lesbian who is actually a cis straight man crossdressing isn't seen as perverted for enjoying different clothing (yes that is an episode).

Again, I love this show and greatly appreciated how many eggs have cracked thanks to it. Watching it with a modern lens makes it questionable and I really wish people in the past had been better in general about these things, but I love it for what it is.

[claire-starsword]

Authentic Story of the Shining Force - Saint Fencer Max - Chapter 4

Translation notes:

This is the last boob joke. We're free at last.

Here's the retranslation of every scene with the Spring of Recollection in the game. Overall, her speech here is fairly close to what she says in Waral in-game, with a few details from her final appearance sprinkled in, like her care for Cain. It does misses a few nuances though, like the Legacy being more than just Dark Dragon.

I don't think I've ever seen art of the Spring, but notably, she gets a portrait in the GBA version, and it looks a lot like the manga design, with the slightly wavy hair and especially the blank eyes.

Obviously, the manga rushes through the plot since it's short, thus a lot of places are skipped. I didn't even feel like pointing them out before. However I will point out Waral not being here this time, because Waral happens to not be in the beta map either, and it has very contradicting lore between the ASCII guide and the World Book, meaning it might have not been well developed. Besides, Chapter 5 is very weirdly structured. You get two ship battles that are basically the same, you get to Waral by accident, you advance the plot by going to Ring Reef for no reason and everyone telling you it's off-limits while letting you waltz in anyway, and hardly anything happens in the shrine besides you hearing about the Manual, which is not even a big deal because you get to Rudo by accident later (two ship accidents!! why repeat this plot point!!) and would go to Dragonia anyway to help Bleu. Basically, I obviously can't prove it, but it wouldn't surprise me if the ocean shrine was initially thought off as only a plot scene, and the battles/town added much later for gameplay reasons.

Perhaps worth mentioning, the GBA version also makes a point to mention that Max got lost in the shrine alone, and everyone was worried about him, which does remind me a lot of the ship scene here.

uh oh. i hit image limit for the first time and i don't wanna remove either of these pics. more notes on a reblog later.

[catcatb0y]

Every time Helluva Boss or Hazbin Hotel has a glimpse of genuinely GOOD WRITING, I go insane. Both of these shows feel like edging to me, like they will tease me with these bangers and then leave me to dry EVERY DAMN TIME.

[eraserheadbabygirl]

sorry stephen graham saying the boiling point tv adaptation will hold up a mirror to the real world and social issues in a way the bear doesnt is such a weird comment to make. like the bear isn’t my favourite show but ultimately it’s based in ideas of mental health and particularly how class and gender and shit impact that. like that’s what the show’s about. did he not watch it

[bigfatbreak]

im gonna reserve thoughts on the new season of mlb, but i do have Fears plotwise that make me apprehensive to really take in so ill state it below

marinette's lie about hawkmoth is clearly going to be the big catalyst in this series/season/wtv but my big thing is, if its going to be written, it should have some level of nuance? she's a child who was trying to spare everyone's feelings when it came to a tragedy that was thrust upon her. the rest of us can be like "oh yeah well I just would've told adrien" but that would've been equally explosive, and she really thinks this way would essentially save adrien both from a worse grief than just losing his father and also the animosity of the public. there was no answer that didn't have major repercussions, essentially, and she was taking the path more likely to help adrien's state - after all, gabriel is already dead, but the anger of the public remains. who would they take out hawkmoth's fury onto? years of being a public menace and terrorist would likely be framed at Adrien

but i feel like what's gonna happen is lila is going to reveal her lie in a very big way, (because we're already seeing the narrative push the envelope and be a bit overbearing in how the public LOVES ladybug SO SO MUCH LOOK THE PUBLIC LOVES HERRR) essentially try to sway adrien to her side (since gabe had a big thing with lila and adrien, trying to make them like. two sides of a coin or smth) and Marinette is going to have to try and fix it all whilst everyone is telling her she's a terrible person for lying as though she doesn't already resent herself for lying in the first place, which may lead to her getting akumatized and becoming lila's tool, leaving alya and the gang to fix shit

that could be good, but the issue is, when it comes to marinette the series seems to like framing her choices as foolish or stupid when they could better be framed as tragic. my big worry is when everything blows up and everyone no doubt hates ladybug/marinette for telling a falsehood to the public, there's not going to be a facet of the narrative that focuses on the tragedy of the matter: that she was a child left with a choice and she tried to save everyone and fumbled it. instead everyone is going to say she was stupid with her foolish little love goggles on and that she's just sooo airheaded when it comes to adrien, and they're going to minimize the shit that happened to her as "marinette is dumb" rather than "marinette was put into an impossible situation and no part of it wasnt going to blow up on her"

she wasn't RIGHT for lying to the public, or to her friends, but she also wasn't WRONG to try and minimize the damage. and i don't think they're gonna touch on that latter part in a way that has any sense of respect for the character, coz man. the narrative loves blaming marinette for shit she DIDN'T do, so considering she HAS done something with big consequences, I can only imagine how they're going to beat her character against the wall

[thegrunglerr]

(Taken from a quick ramble I had in a discord chat, excuse the mess. I need to develop these thoughts further and put them into prettier words but it’s something I felt was important to talk about. You see the vision.)

I feel like a big thing people miss in the Magnus archives is that it’s a show about how people want to draw lines and put things into boxes to make them feel better when really there are no lines and there are no boxes. like, the fears are the most obvious of this. Smirke’s 14 is merely a human misunderstanding of the dread powers, a vain attempt to fit one being’s pieces into arbitrary boxes. When does the chase of the hunt become the violence of the slaughter? When does the unknowing of the stranger become the confusion of the spiral? Etc etc. the point is that the 14 are bullshit.

this also goes for humans and avatars! Less obvious but still! Everyone wants to fit the characters into boxes. Jon is a human, Elias is an avatar, Nikola is a monster. When in reality, they’re all just things. Humans and avatars are not mutually exclusive, Jon is an avatar and a human and so is Elias. Just because Elias’s actions are evil does not exclude him from humanity, he is still flesh and blood. “Monsters” like Nikola and the distortion are where things become more muddy. They are avatars but also clearly inhuman, Nikola is a plastic mannequin and the distortion isn’t really… anything. I’d still argue that they’re human to some extent. All avatars, human or otherwise, come from the change of oneself. The distortion wears people’s skin and takes on their traits, has to work with what that body gives them. Nikola is a mannequin made by a man with her same goals, who she eventually murders. They’re still born out of humanity, they’re still somewhat human, just an obfuscation and distortion of that humanity.

it’s this idea that characters like Elias are simply following their nature as an avatar and therefore as a monster that irks me. He’s not just a human, he’s not just an avatar, he’s not just a monster. He’s a person, a muddled mess of labels that don’t fit him because you can’t fit these people into boxes. Jon is a human, an avatar, and a monster. So is Elias. So is almost every fucking character in the series. Human, avatar, monster, victim, are all just human labelings of things not meant to be understood. Nobody in the Magnus archives is a mindless monster in my eyes. As distorted and fucked I’m as their view may be, they are still painfully human. Daisy was always a prowling wolf, itching for her next kill. The apocalypse just showed that physically. She still clearly had a mind, though her speech impaired. She called for Basira, the partner always by her ready. She recognized her as someone she knows, not attacking her or even Jon or Martin. Nikola too, breekon & hope too, nobody is mindless. Everyone is human.

It’s complicated yeah, nuanced and messy, but it’s so so SO important to remember upon actual analysis of the show! Jon is human! Elias is human! The Distortion is human! It’s a show about humanity and how it’s never truly lost!

[ladyloveandjustice]

My Top 12 Favorite Anime of 2024 (and more)!

We had a lot of good anime in 2024, so here's the list of my top 12 favorites and some bonus great anime as well. If you get tired of clicking the review links, check out my anime overview collection for all of them here.  

You can also check out my post about my favorite manga from 2024 here and my favorite books of 2024 here.

These are in no particular order!

Delicious in Dungeon (a.k.a Dungeon Meshi)

Dungeon Meshi  is one of my favorite stories period, and easily my top anime of the year. The basic premise is that Laios and his party of adventurers need to travel through a monster-infested dungeon rescue his sister. Rather waste precious time earning money for food, Laios decides they should just eat the monsters they encounter as they travel. But then that simple plot spins off into so much more...

The story combines cooking and adventure animanga expertly. It has some of the most impressive and fascinating worldbuilding I've ever seen, top-tier varied character design and a great plot. It's also funny as hell, and I love its main cast of nuanced eccentric weirdos with all my heart. Even the characters who have five minutes of screen time feel like you could watch a spin-off series about them.

It's not just about food, but the cycle of life and death, about hunger of all kinds, about ecosystems and societies and finding solace in the monstrous...there's a lot simmering under this story!

So, go ahead and eat up! And read my review here for more!

Mayonaka Punch

Canceled YouTuber, Masaki, meets a pathetic lesbian vampire, Live. Live agrees to help Masaki launch a new YouTube channel, but in exchange, Masaki has to let Live suck up all her blood when they reach 100 million subscribers.

 This is the kind of stuff I watch anime for. This is what dreams are made of.

Do you support women's wrongs? Are you craving some women who are loveable shitheads? Do you want a great ensemble comedy about five disaster vampires wreaking havoc and a cynical human along for the ride? This show has all that, plus some down bad lesbian vampire shenanigans! But there's also a lot of growth for the main character, and the show has a lot of pathos in how it explores how the internet and its outrage train can do a number on one's mental health.

It's a ton of fun! See my full review here!

Magilumiere Magical Girls Inc.

Being a magical girl is no longer the domain of teenagers, and has evolved into an actual career dominated by adult women. Kana becomes a magical girl for a scrappy start up company, and tries her best to navigate working life.

It's the magical girl story about adult women I've been craving for years! Magical girl media often explores the struggles of adolescence and growing up, and this show takes us to the next step by using magical girls to explore what it’s like to be a young woman entering the working world. The focus is one Kana struggling to grow her confidence and accept support from her workplace, but it also has a lot to say about companies exploiting their workers, prizing efficiency and growth over actually taking care of their customers, and it shows how the world could be better than what it is right now. Check out my review here for more detail!

Girls Band Cry

After being bullied, Nina drops out school and ends up starting a band with four other girls, including the woman whose music saved her at her darkest moment. Nina's determined for the band to stick it to the people who once looked down on them. GBC features some wonderfully messy and entertaining teenage girls, actually incredible CGI animation and great music. Nina, the lead, is allowed to be angry and obnoxious and powered by spite, but the narrative sympathizes with her and loves her spirit, even if she sometimes messes things up. All the girls have rough edges and raw emotion and a great dynamic with each other. They also flip people off a lot.

It was kind of screwed over by streaming, but don't sleep on it! See my review here!

Natsume's Book of Friends (Season 7) 

Anime's sweetest boy and his horrible cat (affectionate) are back, and it's time for more yokai adventures! I’ve already talked at length about how this series is special–check out my series review/ Rec post for the series here. I also did an article titled The Courage to Speak: Mental Illness and Recovery in Natsume’s Book of Friends that goes into more in-depth analysis. The story is sweet and charming and sometimes heartwrenching and very important to me.

It's yet another season of lovely, bittersweet yokai tales that tug on your heartstrings, the characters continue to heal and grow in slow but satisfying ways. It just feels so nice watching this series again and letting the love, comfort, and catharsis wash over me. See my review here.

Dead Dead Demon's DeDeDeDe Destruction

A giant mothership is hovering over Tokyo. The aliens have done nothing, not even leaving their ship, but Japan and America are already trying to blow that UFO up, and show off who has the best weapons, causing many civilian casualties along the way. Meanwhile, two girls are just trying to living their lives.

This anime goes hard on criticizing the military industrial complex, Japanese nationalism and imperialism, American imperialism, xenophobia, mistreatment of immigrants, rich people, and conspiracy theorists. That means it's often devastating and visceral, but it also follows some fantastic weird girls and their ride-or-die soul bond, as well as other charming, funny teenagers who are just trying to live in a world falling apart around them. You can also look forward to some plot twists that recontextualize everything you know!

You should also see my review for some content warnings and a really important message about episode order if you want more detail, you can read it here.

Senpai is an Otokonoko

 Makoto is an "otokonoko" ( a term that means crossdressing boy) and he's figuring out his relationship to gender, and hiding his interests from his mother. A girl named Aoi confesses to him, thinking he's a girl. But he reveals the truth, she's ecstatic about it, much to his shock. Meanwhile, Makoto's best friend Ryuji is also crushing on him...

It's tough to be a queer kid in a world full of rigid gender roles and insidious homophobia, and this anime shows the unfairness of that struggle. But it also shows the joy of finding those who accept and understand you, and of slowly becoming comfortable with who you are. The show knows how to make you really roots for these great kids, and it's really good at tugging the ol' heartstrings. See my review here for more!

A Sign of Affection

The anime follows Yuki, a shy girl who's been deaf since birth, and Itsuomi, a world-traveler and polyglot, fall in love. They both live in very different worlds, but as their romance blooms, they're eager to learn more about each other.

A Sign of Affection is shoujo romance at its sweetest, with soft colors, gentle blushes, tender moments, and plenty of warm fuzzies. The animation is beautiful and the show treats Yuki's perspective with care and delicacy as the story goes on. It also have a great focus on communication and consent in a relationship. Read my review here! 

YATAGARASU: The Raven Does Not Choose Its Master

In this world, people have the ability to shapeshift into yatagarasu, the giant three legged ravens from Japanese mythology. Prince Wakamiya, who's next in line for the emperor, is thought to be an incarnation of the powerful "Golden Raven", so the four women chosen as his bride candidates (each who carry the hopes of their respective provinces) compete fiercely for his hand. Yukiya, a canny young boy, has been pulled into being the prince's attendant, and both Yukiya and the women soon find themselves pulled into a deadly web of mysteries and political machinations.

Yatagarasu is a tightly woven tale of political intrigue, featuring lots of palace folk plotting against each other, multiple assassination attempts, spies, fascinating worldbuilding and use of mythology, well executed plot twists, and complex characters. Yukiya is a very likeable little trickster with a heart of gold, and he works well as an audience surrogate who has to keep up with all this weird court drama. In the first half, the story focuses a lot on on women contending with rigid roles and how that leads to both enmity and empathy between them. But disappointingly, most of those characters are dropped or have their roles reduced in the second half of the anime, which is a shame.

Overall, this anime is a story that hooks you with it's story and it's dark, majestic atmosphere and never lets go. It's just plain good, and pretty underrated, so I'd suggest checking it out!

The Apothecary Diaries (Episodes 13-24)

The second half of The Apothecary Diaries was somehow even better than the first half, crafting a compelling ongoing mystery and delving into MaoMao’s backstory. There were quite a few big thrills that made me gasp aloud. MaoMao, the world's best poison-obsessed detective, pulled off some show-stopping feats and she remains an incredible, endearing character. Especially now that we’ve learned she has a killer evil laugh. Check out my review of the first part of The Apothecary Diaries here and slightly more detail on this run of episodes here.

Dandadan

 Another one you've probably heard of, it's the story of two kids- Momo, who was abducted by aliens and Okarun, who was cursed by a yokai. Now they have to break Okarun's curese while aliens and yokai are hunting them!

Dandadan is an anime bursting with absurd action and humor, and it has a boppin’ soundtrack and amazing animation from Science Saru. It’s wildly weird in the best way, and the characters are hilarious lovable losers. It's also the rare example of a battle shonen that actually treats its female lead as an equal to her male partner, in screen time and in battle. I adore Momo with all my heart- she's fun, she's bombastic, she's badass, she's everything.

However, the main problem I have with the show is its pattern of putting Momo in sexual peril. I go into more detail about this and the show in general in my review here.

Train to the End of the World

 A story about four girls and a dog traveling across a weird, warped version of Japan to find their missing friend, Train to the End of the World is wild. I absolutely adore bizarre anime about equally bizarre girls, and this delivers. We see the girls encounter a cult with mushrooms growing out of their heads, screaming goatmen and even zombies on their journey. The dynamic between the different characters is great, and the dialogue is snappy. If you appreciate wild and weird zaniness that also has a lot of heart and great friendships, give this show a try. My full review is here.

Bonus Anime- some other stuff you might want to check out!

Cherry Magic! Thirty Years of Virginity Can Make You a Wizard?!

Despite an extremely goofy title Cherry Magic quickly became a surprisingly grounded, thoughtful and heartfelt BL romance worth watching. See my full review here.

7th Time Loop: The Villainess Enjoys a Carefree Life Married to Her Worst Enemy!

Rishe has lived seven lives, had lots of adventures, and in every single one of them, she has been killed as result of the world war started by the emperor of a neighboring kingdom. Each time Rishe dies, she's sent back to the moment the crown prince of her own country broke off their engagement (she's actually pretty happy about it). But in her seventh life, the future Emperor sees her, is instantly smitten by how cool she is and proposes to her. Rishe decides she might as well enjoy life chilling in the palace before things inevitably go to hell.

7th Time Loop has a fun conceit, and it features a vivacious, badass heroine who's a joy to watch. Having lived as a commoner in most of her past lives, she's ready to use her smarts to help people--whether it's going undercover to help a maid who's being bullied or addressing illiteracy among the servant girls. Whether she's beating up kidnappers or politically maneuvering, she's learning and growing and kicking ass. While her love interest is a bit too broody for me, I do deeply relate to how Rishe's badassery clearly turns him on. The antagonists and plot are sometimes a bit silly, but it's always a good time. A josei anime about an awesome gal is just what the doctor ordered.

Acro Trip

A silly show about a magical girl fangirl who's recruited to an evil organization by an incompetent villain,  Acro Trip is a lot of fun, and I recommend it to any magical girl enjoyer. I also recommend it to anyone who loves pathetic failguys and girls. Our "villain" Chrome is the most hilariously pathetic of them all. You like bad boys? Well this man is literally bad at everything. See my full review here.

Whisper Me a Love Song

 I have to give a shoutout to the only textual yuri anime that came out this year--it's production basically completely collapsed, but it's still watchable and the story is a sweet and solid girl band romance. At least consider giving the manga a shot if nothing else! See my review here!

[zepskies]

Every Second Counts - Part 1

Pairing: Russell Shaw x F. Reader

Summary: One date with your best friend’s brother leaves you wanting more, even though his questionable job and vagabond lifestyle make you want to guard your heart. When your brother falls into trouble, however, Russell is the first one you trust to help you find him. 

AN: Finally, here we are at Part 1! Remember that A Line and a Half functions as our prologue here.

Word Count: 5.7K

Tags/Warnings: 18+ only for some mature thoughts. Fluff, angst and hurt/comfort, drug use, mentions of drug addiction and alcoholism, skeevy men, and a tinge of spice.~

💜 Series Masterlist

Part 1: "Permission Granted"

“Are you absolutely sure?” you asked, with your hands on your hips. 

You wanted no miscommunication here, no read-between-the-lines mishaps, no subtext or nuance to bite you in the ass later. So here you stood in the middle of your best friend’s office, still at the Wyoming University campus after your last class.

Dory had to laugh at you. She pushed away from her desk and threw her hands up.

“Yes, for the love of God, you can grab a drink with my brother,” she said.

After brushing a lock of blonde hair behind her ear, she went to you and set her hands on your shoulders.

“You have my blessing,” she said. “All I ask is that you don’t scar me with any gushy details afterward.” 

Your face began to heat up in a blush. You crossed your arms.

“All right, no one said there was going to be any of that,” you replied. “It’s just a date. Barely a date, mind you.”

“A-huh,” Dory said with a sneaking smile. “Out of curiosity, what was it about him that hooked you? You’ve been dodging Chris’s valiant attempts for like a month now.”

Chris was a French and Spanish professor. His office was on the same floor as yours, so you two occasionally crossed paths whenever you ventured into the teacher’s lounge.

He usually caught you in the morning while you were grabbing your free coffee fix at the Keurig. He’d chat you up about his classes and his dog and his new boat, and all the while you’d struggle to get a word in edgewise. Despite that, he was good-looking and pleasant, for the most part. It was just…

“I don’t know. He’s not my type, I guess,” you shrugged. You kind of liked conversations where both people got to speak.

“And Russell is?” Dory said, in a teasing tone. You chewed the inside of your lip, fighting a smile.

“I don’t know,” you admitted. “Kind of want to find out though.”

“Okay, well, let me know what you find,” Dory said, more wryly. You caught a bit of melancholy when her gaze drifted off. Your brows furrowed in concern as you drew closer, setting a hand on her arm.

“What do you mean?” you asked.

She was hesitant, but she eventually answered you with a confession.

“You know, it’s been about twenty years since I’ve seen him,” she said. “We’ve had entire lives already. I see him now, and there’s some of the Russell I knew when we were kids, but…there’s just a lot I don’t know about him, who he’s become.”

You could understand that. You squeezed her arm in sympathy.

“Well, he really seems to want to know you now,” you said. You remembered all the questions he asked you when he helped you carry your files back to your office after lunch today—most of them about Dory, about her career, your friendship, and ultimately, if she was happy.

“What happened to you guys?” you asked. “Why are you all so distant? Colter included.”

Dory’s face tightened. “It’s a long story. I’ve told you some of it. But basically, after our dad died, nothing was ever the same again.”

You dimmed at that. You knew their mother still lived in the cabin they grew up in, but Dory had never quite been able to tell you what happened to their dad. You’d never pushed the subject. You knew better than anyone what kind of pain that was. 

“I just wish we’d been able to stay with each other. Me and my brothers, at least,” Dory said. But she adopted a smile for you, before she returned to her desk.

“Okay. Go on your non-date at your favorite bar with Russell. I’ll be here, grading papers until Judgment Day,” she said, with a small laugh that felt like a coverup for thoughts she no longer wanted to think about.

You let her do it. You grabbed your purse and work bag off the spare chair in front of her desk.

“So you’re sure,” you wanted to confirm. “One last chance for me to tell him I came down with food poisoning.”

Dory collected her stack of midterm papers and gave you a cheeky look that said, class dismissed. Then she clicked her red pen and pointedly looked down at the first batch of papers to read through.

You smiled. Okay, you thought, giving her a little wave goodbye when you turned to leave. You had just a couple of hours to drive home and get ready to meet Russell.

“Goodnight,” you called.

“Goodniiight,” Dory replied.

You heard the smirk in her voice without even having to look back.

After fighting through rush hour traffic, you were exhausted when you got home from work. Your tentative excitement and nerves about tonight gave you some new energy though, even if you thought those nerves were silly to have.

Barely a date, you reminded yourself, as you unlocked the door to your house. Barely a date, barely a date.

The Ring Camera beside the door chimed when you entered the house, signaling your arrival. You had to wrinkle your nose at the dank-ass smell that greeted you.

Frowning in annoyance, you dropped your stuff on the kitchen table for now and shucked off your heels. You made a beeline down the hall, to the bedroom that lied across from yours. You pushed it open without knocking. There you caught your older brother, Charlie, snoozing in his bed with the covers half pooling on the floor.

His room was a mess, as usual. Your gaze locked on the evidence of half a blunt on his nightstand and two smoked roaches beside it. You were glad it wasn’t remnants of white lines of powder, like times before, but there was also a large bottle of whiskey. It was almost empty, and hanging loosely from his hand.

He managed to raise his head a bit when you came in.

“Hey,” he said, blinking bleary eyes. He cleared his throat and tried to sit up.

You shook your head and picked around piles of dirty clothes and a couple of used paper plates on the floor. You swiftly grabbed the bottle from his hand and slammed it on the nightstand.

“You promised me, Charlie,” you snapped. “You promised me for the hundredth time that you’d quit all this shit. Where even were you last night? You weren’t home when I left for work this morning.”

He sighed, frowning at how loud you were, and sat up in bed. He swung his legs over the side and held his swimming head in his hands, resting his elbows on his knees. He ran a hand through his hair. It was nearly black, like Dad’s had been, but he’d inherited Mom’s lighter eyes.

“I got invited to a party,” he said. “I’m sorry, I know. This is the last time.”

You expelled a frustrated breath and shook your head.

“You’re a grown fucking man, Charlie! Do you really need me to give you the just say no speech?” you said. 

“Look, I’m sorry. I don’t know how many times I can say it,” he said. He shut his eyes tight, probably trying to fend off a headache. 

Good, you thought. Let that be a reminder of how bad he’d screwed up again. 

“And while we’re at it, what about your half of the bills? You’re a week late,” you said, testily crossing your arms.

“Yeah, I’m a little behind,” he said. Once again, he cleared his throat past a wad of phlegm. He was still a bit crossfaded too, you could tell. “You know they cut my hours to part-time at the museum. I’ve, uh, I’ve been looking into getting another job—”

“I already paid the phone bill. And the internet, the water bill, the electricity,” you said. “The house may be paid off, but the least you can do is pay your half of living here.”

The longer you stared at him, seeing the guilt hidden behind drunken eyes, you realized he wasn’t just late on his half of the bills.

“How much?” you asked.

He frowned up at you. “What?”

“How much do you owe?” you said. Your voice was as cutting as your gaze. Charlie lowered his.  

“It’s okay, don’t worry—”

“How much,” you pressed.

He looked up at you again, this time with pursed lips. After a beat, he sighed and gave in.

“About two grand,” he admitted.

You raised your eyes heavenward, muttering a curse. Your hands went to your temples as you had to pace the room. You were angry and exasperated in equal measure.

“Who the fuck do you owe two grand?!” you asked.

Charlie shook his head. “It’s better that I don’t tell you that.”

You paused. As you looked down at him, your anger dissolved into sadness, like it always did.

“If Mom and Dad could see you now, they wouldn’t recognize you,” you said.

Charlie fought not to react to that, his brows furrowing. Instead, he just looked down, unable to answer you.

“Charlie, you need help. I can’t keep doing this with you,” you said. Your shaky breath gave way to the burn of tears.  

His red-rimmed eyes became glassy as well.

“I’m sorry,” was all he said.

He was always sorry. And you always had to be the one to nurse him back to health, pick up the pieces, pay the bills. You were exhausted. The bone-deep kind of tired that felt like gravity wasn't so much keeping you down, but pushing you.

“I’m going to ask for two things: do what you need to do to get paid, and clean up your shit. If you can’t accomplish that, then I’m taking you to rehab,” you said.

“You know I’ve tried that,” Charlie said, with a shrug of his shoulders. “Didn’t really work for me.”

“You left the program after two weeks!” you retorted.

“I did it on my own! I’ve been clean for months,” he argued.

“And what happened? You go to one party and all your good sense, all your training, mentally and physically—that all goes out the window?” you said. You had half a mind not to believe him.

“Yeah well, maybe just for one night, I wanted to relax without you harping on my back,” he said, glaring up at you. “Is that too much to fucking ask? For you to give me some goddamn slack?”

Your mouth fell open incredulously.  

“I’m on your back?” you said. “Okay. I’ll get off. Do whatever the hell you want, Charlie. I’m done.”

You left his room in an angry huff. You headed over to your room so you could take a shower and start getting ready to meet Russell at Howley’s. 

By the time you got to your bedroom, you heard the front door slam closed.

The truth was, you were no longer in a mood to have fun when you pulled up to Howley’s, but you needed to escape your house. Also, you weren’t someone who canceled on people last-minute, especially not on Dory’s own brother.

You found Russell waiting for you at the bar. He waved to you with a fifth of whiskey in hand and an easy grin. He’d saved you a seat beside him.

You found yourself smiling. Your mood began to lighten as you went over to him. He looked more or less the same, but this time the jacket and jeans combo was navy blue and dark wash, respectively. His hair was swept back, lightly gelled. You smelled the familiar, rich woodiness of his cologne when you drew near, along with a hint of spicy soap.

“Hey, there.” He greeted you with a warm hand on your back. He helped you into your seat.

“Hey, yourself,” you replied, and thanked him for the assist onto the tall stool. You’d opted for jeans and a blouse, paired with your favorite leather boots. It was less dressy than he’d seen you before, but that was “work mode.” This was a more casual affair, even if you’d spent at least twenty extra minutes on your makeup.

You were glad he picked a spot at the end of the bar though. It put some distance from the group of guys getting rowdy as they cheered at the football game playing on the TV.

“How was the rest of your day, Professor?” he asked. “And what’re you wanting to drink?”

You let out a long sigh and turned toward him, resting your elbow on the counter.

“Awesome. I’m going to need two shots of tequila and an order of something fried, and preferably covered with cheese, please,” you replied.

Russell’s grin deepened. “Okay, I’m thinking ‘awesome’ is code for something. But we can get started on that order of Forget Today’s Unfortunate Events.”

He flagged down the bartender with a raise of his hand, but he shot you a glance.

“Though I’m hoping it’s not all of today that you wanna forget,” he said.

Your lips threatened another smile, as the memory of your hand being swept up into his, and soft lips meeting the back of your hand filtered through your mind.

“Yeah, I don’t think that’s possible,” you said.

After about ten minutes of playfully debating the appetizer menu (you swore by the pretzel and beer cheese, but Russell had his eye on those spicy wings), he finally settled on ordering both.

“When in doubt, don’t go without,” he’d remarked.

You swept a pretty coil of hair over your shoulder and downed your tequila shots with a lime wedge. Meanwhile, Russell tried not to linger his eyes on the way your tongue swept over your finger to catch a drop of lime juice. Your nails were manicured, and the shade of the polish matched your lipstick.

Russell didn’t pretend to know the art and science of a woman’s wardrobe, but everything about you was thought out, it seemed, falling in line with what he’d expect from a (sexy as all hell) college professor. You’d also told him at lunch today that as of last year, you now had two doctorates: History and Ancient Studies.

Even with all that under your belt, you also seemed refreshingly down-to-earth, a lot like Dory in that sense. He could see why you two were friends.

“So, are you from here, or are you a transplant, like my sister?” he asked.

Dory hadn’t come to live in Wyoming until their aunt and uncle took her in, when she was about eight years old. Before last month, Russell hadn’t seen her since. It hurt his heart to think about, but he tried to focus on you.

You now seemed to be staring a bit listlessly at the glass of whiskey in his hands. He laid a hand on your arm and called your name.

“Hmm?” Your brows rose as you blinked to attention. “Oh! I’m sorry. Yes, I’ve lived here pretty much forever.”

“You okay?” Russell asked. “Tequila hit ya a little hard?”

You shook your head. “No, I’m sorry…”

You raised your hands up to your temples. You debated whether you wanted to open up about this, but…considering who Russell was, you thought he might just understand.

“Dory told me you’ve been trying to reconnect with your brother, right? Colter?” you said.

Russell nodded. He wasn’t sure how much Dory told you about their family business, but it dimmed his mood.

“Well, you could say I’ve got a brother issue of my own,” you said, laughing humorlessly. “You don’t have to talk about yours, but maybe you’ll understand… My brother is a veteran too. He was a Captain, air force pilot. He fought in Afghanistan, mainly.”

Russell processed that with a nod. “Yeah, I was there too. Special Ops.”

“Wow, okay. Then you know what it was like for him, coming back home,” you said. Your gaze fell to your empty shot glasses. “It was hard, after…”

“After?” he prompted.

You sighed. “Near the end, he lost half his unit in a raid, off of some flawed intel.”

Russell’s brows knitted together. Hmm. Grief, survivor’s guilt, feeling like you don’t belong.

He was starting to get a clearer picture of who your brother was. It struck at familiar chords inside himself that he wasn’t so comfortable with. He shifted in his seat, fingers flexing over his glass on the counter.

You didn’t notice, but you did push the shot glasses away from you.

“I helped him the best I could,” you said. “I got him a job at the museum I interned at when I was in undergrad. He’s there as a security guard, but it’s not really enough, you know? It’s like, nothing satisfies him. I just…I don’t think I know how to help him anymore.”

You couldn’t help it. Emotion bubbled in your throat, making it close up on you as tears stung in your eyes. Your lower lip wobbled, and you tried to turn your face away. Embarrassment coiled up in your chest and made your face hot.

You felt a hand cover yours on your thigh, squeezing warmly. You looked up and met Russell’s gaze, both sympathetic and understanding.

“I’m so sorry,” you said, trying to calm your shuddering breath. “This isn’t exactly first date material. I can’t believe I unloaded on you like that.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” he said. “Believe me, I get what your brother’s going through.”

He pushed the plate with the last piece of soft-baked pretzel over to you.

“You finish that if you want, then you go ahead and pick something else off the menu. I won’t even argue with you this time,” he promised with a grin.

It got you to laugh, at least, and he gave you a napkin for your tears.

God, get it together, you told yourself. You’re a damn mess.

“Thanks,” you said. You managed to smile as you blotted at one corner of your eye. You hoped you hadn’t just irreversibly smudged your mascara.

Russell surprised you by brushing his thumb against your other cheek, wiping a stray tear away. Your face began to warm with a blush.

“Again, I’m sorry for dumping on you. We had a fight right when I got home,” you admitted.

“What’s his name?” Russell asked.

“Charlie.”

“Older or younger than you?”

“Four years older,” you replied. “He enlisted a few years after he graduated high school.”

Russell flickered at a smile. Enlisted, huh?

Yet another thing he and Charlie had in common, except Russell hadn’t made it through high school in the classic sense.

“What do you think?” you asked.

“I think your brother sounds lost right now. I’ve known a lotta guys like him, unfortunately,” Russell admitted. “Walking back into civilian life, it ain’t easy. That I know my damn self. Just like I know a thing or two about being an older brother. He’s probably doing his best to keep it off your shoulders.”

You shook your head at that. Trying, maybe.

You weren’t even sure of that anymore. Still, it made you all the more curious about Russell and his family.

“I know I said I wouldn’t ask this, and you don’t have to answer. But did you and Colter have a falling out or something?” you asked.

Russell expelled a deep breath and took a sip from his glass. How was he supposed to navigate this minefield with you?

“You gotta understand that me, my brother, my sister, we didn’t grow up like a normal family,” he said.

“Yeah, I know,” you nodded. “Dory’s told me some of it. It sounded…rustic.”

He snorted. “Putting it mildly.”

He shook his head and drained the rest of his glass. 

“Well, my brother’s got an idea about me that isn’t true,” he said.

Your head tilted in curiosity. “Which is?”

His lips briefly raised in a wan smile. 

“We don’t gotta get into that one tonight. But uh, the truth is, I’ve tried reaching out to him several times now. He just doesn’t wanna hear from me,” said Russell.

You considered him for a moment. You laid a hand on his arm, covered by his jacket. 

“Don’t give up,” you said, with a sigh of your own. “Despite some things I said to him today, I know I can’t. My brother’s the only real family I have.”

Russell grew curious then. “What about your parents?”

You gave a weak smile.

“They passed away when we were young, but…we don’t have to get into that one tonight,” you said, borrowing his words. 

His expression fell. “Jesus. I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Thank you,” you accepted, twisting the napkin around your fingers.

An awkward lull of silence fell between you, until Russell nodded and blew out a breath.

“Well. Heavy, huh?”

You chuckled and rested your head against your hand.

“I know. Again, my fault,” you replied. 

“It’s okay, swee—. Mmm,” he cut himself off, shooting you a knowing glance.

“Were you about to sweetheart me?” you asked playfully, nudging his hand. “You know how I feel about that.”

“No, ma’am. Not at all,” Russell shook his head. His smile gave him away though. You laughed and grabbed his arm.

“Come on,” you said.

He allowed you to lead him out of his seat. He already had a tab open, so he’d settle up with the bar later. “Where we going?”

“You’re gonna lose to me at pool,” you said with a smirk.

Russell laughed and wrapped his arm around your waist instead.

“Oh, okay. I’m gonna give you a run for your money, though,” he promised.

And he was true to his word.

Russell Shaw turned out to be a more than worthy opponent. You studied the board as you changed the angle on your cue stick no less than five times.

“You gonna make a move, or we going to be here all night?” he said.

He was smiling as he leaned against his own cue on the other side of the board. His clever moves had left you in a difficult position to get your three remaining solid-colored balls into the pocket.

“You hush. I’m thinking,” you said, fighting your own smile.

“Careful, you’ve got steam coming out of your ears,” he teased.

You shot him a narrowed look for that. But then you smiled, as the answer came to you. You walked around to his side of the board and nudged him with your hip.

“Excuse me, sir,” you said to him over your shoulder.

Russell made way for you, but his eyes followed the way you bent over to line up your shot. Namely the curve of your ass in those tight jeans. He could see you knew exactly what you were doing, in more ways than one.

You shot your shot. The solid green ball leapt over his white-striped blue one and managed to sink into the pocket. You straightened up and gave him a triumphant little smirk.

He tried to temper his smile (and ignore the way his cock twitched).

“All right, go on, do your little victory lap," he said. "But remember, I let you go first.”

“Like that matters,” you quipped back.

You went back to the other side of the board to line up your next shot. Russell noticed a pair of drunk men ambling your way from the bar, but before he could make a subtle move to put himself in between, one of the men’s gazes slid down your form and gave into the base urge to let out a low whistle.

And he slapped you right on the ass.

You gasped, grabbing hold of the pool table. Then your shock melted into ire.

Russell was already heading toward you with an angry frown of his own, but even he had to stop short, when he watched you throw a punch that cracked the drunken man across the bridge of his nose.

Good form, Russell thought, when the guy reared back with a howl. His nose dripped blood when his hands came away from his face.

His buddy started to raise his hackles, but that was when Russell stepped to your side. He angled himself toward you and loosely gripped his pool cue by his hip, like it was an extension of his arm. He was fully prepared to use it like one.

“Fucking bitch!” said the one who was still dabbing his nose in vain. He glared at you, his eyes watering involuntarily, while his friend tried to keep him upright. You rolled your eyes.

"You're the one who's crying, bitch," you returned. Russell held in a snort. He cleared his throat and looked on at the pair of idiots.

“I’d have a little sit down if I were you,” Russell told them, with a smirk. “Let that be a lesson to ya. And if it don’t stick? Well. Whatever you start, I can damn well finish.”

His steely gaze reinforced the promise of his words. The other men were still angry, but even drunks had some sense of self-preservation. They ambled toward the back of the bar to find another pool table.

Russell focused his attention back on you, finding you looking down at your hand, rotating your wrist and flexing your fingers.

“Well, look at you, slugger,” he said. You met his smile with one of amusement.

“That’s just what I needed tonight. A broken hand,” you quipped.

“Aw, it doesn’t look as bad as all that. But can I see?” he asked. You allowed him to take your smaller hand in his. Your knuckles were red and tender to the touch when he gently pressed. You hissed in pain.

Damn, she really gave it to him, Russell thought.

“Sorry,” he said, but your hand felt fine, at least. More than fine. His gaze flicked up to yours as his amused grin deepened. “Good hit though.”

If he liked you before, he might’ve fallen half in love with you right there.

You laughed through the pain. “Yeah, my brother did teach me something. Shit.”

Russell led you back to the bar after you grabbed your purse. There he called to the bartender for some ice. The guy nodded; he’d seen the entire exchange and was sympathetic.

You knew this sort of thing was just par for the course at this kind of bar, but they had the best drinks. Charlie had to carry you out of here on your twenty-first birthday, drunk off your ass. Not to mention, he’d punched out two handsy dicks that night.

You recounted the story to Russell over a couple more drinks. Your conversation was lighter then, filled with laughter and a warm, companiable feeling. He was still rather evasive about his job, but you supposed he had to be, since it was government contract work.

Private security, mainly. Or so he'd said. This man made you infinitely curious, and a bit apprehensive, if you were honest.

And yet, at some point while you two shared and laughed and split a hot sandwich with another round of beers, you realized it.

I like this, you thought. And I like him.

However, the night had to come to an end sometime. Your third involuntary yawn told Russell it was time to call it.

"I'm okay," you tried.

"Nah, you've gotta work tomorrow," he said. He signaled to the bartender. "Let me go ahead and close out my tab."

“Oh, I can pay for half,” you said, reaching for your purse now hanging from your hip.

“You kidding me? Put that away,” he said, guiding your hand with your wallet aside.

Smiling, you accepted his generosity with a small thank you. Then, you let him take up your sore hand again, just to carefully press the half-melted bag of ice over it.

“Feelin’ better?” he asked.

Your smile became softer. “Yeah.”

You had no doubt that this man, tall as he was, with his broad shoulders and the controlled way he carried himself, could’ve laid both of those drunken assholes onto their asses. His intimidating gaze had promised as much.

But his hands were gentle for you.

“I was about to win that game, no contest!” you said, laughing as you and Russell headed out of the bar and into the parking lot.

“Hey, hey, I still had time to win it back,” he argued. “I only had three more balls to go. I could’ve sunk that with my eyes closed.”

“Three balls, huh?” you said slyly, and maybe, a little tipsy. “Might wanna get that looked at.”

Russell snorted. “You think you’re funny, huh?”

“Hey, you laughed!” you said, pointing at him.

He shook his head, despite his amusement. He slowed to a stop in front of his car.

“Where’d you park, huh?” he asked.

“Over there,” you said, pointing several parking spaces down. Your eyes were drawn to his car, however. “Wow. This is your car?”

Russell grinned and patted the top of his black Chevy.

“Aw, yeah. That’s my baby,” he said. “She’s a Chevelle, 1967.”

You didn’t know much about cars, but you could see this was a classic beauty. You passed a hand over its sleek paint job without touching, so you didn't get any fingerprints on it. Though you quirked a smile over your shoulder at him.

“She?” you intoned.

“That’s right. She,” he confirmed.

You smirked and crossed your arms. You paused in front of the passenger door, and when Russell drew in closer, you had to crane your neck up to meet his warm gaze.

“Now, if I go in for a kiss goodnight, are you gonna deck me?” he asked, with a teasing glint in his eyes.

You tilted your head, your own eyes dancing.

“I’m sure you’re brave enough to find out,” you said.

Russell decided he’d take that bet.

He leaned in slowly. He made a show of hesitating, raising a brow, as if waiting for a blow. You were tempted to laugh.

But then he let loose a true smile, and he bowed his head to press his lips against yours. Your eyes fell shut, and your hands moved to flatten against his chest. A firm fucking wall. Jesus.

He circled his arms around your waist, bringing you in closer. Your fingers wound up in his hair, while he tilted his head to kiss you again. You met him with the same fervor with each new kiss, and the feel of your body, soft and pliant under his hands, each little sweet sound that you made, it all drove him to delve in deeper.

You moaned into his mouth at the first warm swipe of his tongue against yours. He tasted like the burn of good whiskey.

You pressed yourself flush against him on instinct. He found no other recourse but to back you up against the side of his car. His hand tangled into your hair, gripping, then easing through the soft strands.

Russell veered away from your soft mouth after a while, just to burn a line of warm, wet kisses along your jaw, and down your neck with the added rasp of his beard.

His lips found the sensitive spot where your neck met your shoulder. He kissed and sucked at your skin, even grazing with his teeth. You gasped softly in his ear, shuddering against him. You ran your hands over his shoulders and down his strong back out of a need to feel him.

His hands were heavy along the curve of your waist then, squeezing your hips. It all felt incredibly right. And by right, you meant body tingling, warmth churning in your lower belly, and wetness growing between your legs, for sure dampening your panties.

You tugged him back by his hair, so you could reach him for another steamy kiss.

“I’m staying at a motel, if you wanna…” he said, between kisses.

You paused against his lips, parting from him softly.

“Or not," he added. "Just thought I’d mention.” 

You giggled, catching your breath, and then smoothing your hands down his chest. The faint throb of your core was telling you one thing, but the warning signals of your more cautious mind were telling you another. You thought for a moment…but then you sighed. 

“How long are you really in town?” you asked.

His wet lips tugged to one corner, ruefully. “A few more days, probably.”

“Right,” you said with a frown. “Russell, I like you. I actually, I really do. If you were sticking around for a while, it’d be one thing. But you’re my best friend’s brother, and I—”

“No, I get it. I can’t predict when I’m gonna be able to swing back into town, and you’ve gotta live your life,” he said, but not without care. He curled an errant strand of hair behind your ear. 

Your heart tugged, almost painfully.

“You’re a good guy, Russell Shaw,” you breathed. “Why can’t you be a good guy who’s staying?”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he said. Then he cringed, knowing how you felt about sweethearting men. “Ah, sorry—” 

You smiled and covered his mouth with your fingers. 

“It’s okay. You have permission to sweetheart me.” 

After blinking his surprise away, his face eased into a grin.

“Then I’ll wear that badge with honor,” he said. 

Your shoulders shook with laughter when you let your forehead fall against his chest.

Russell remained what he had been throughout the entire night: a gentleman, who accompanied you over to your car.

After another stolen kiss or two in front of your sedan, you parted ways from him with a bit of a heavy heart. You wondered if you made the right decision, or if you should’ve just gone for it for once, instead of second-guessing yourself like usual.

You did know this. The rumble of his Chevelle driving down the opposite road would be imprinted on your memory.

When you returned home, you realized that the house was empty, and in complete darkness.

Charlie still wasn’t home.

Worried, you flicked on the lights and began to text his cell, only to find a note for you on the kitchen counter.

And it worried you even more.

I’m sorry. I’m going to make it right. 

— C.

AN: 😬 Well then! lol We're diving straight into the drama and feels on this one. What did you think of her "barely a date" with Russell? 😂

And where do you think we're going next with Charlie?

Next Time:

Dory was sat next to you on the couch, rubbing your back with sympathy and concern in her own eyes.

“You should call the police,” she advised.

You’d thought of that, but if Charlie was doing something he wasn’t supposed to, then depending on what it was, you didn’t necessarily want him locked up in a cell. He wasn’t a bad person, he was just…lost. You wanted him to get help.

You set down the butterknife beside the jar and turned to her, after drying your eyes the best you could.

“Do you think your brother would be willing to come back to Wyoming?” you said. After a beat of hesitation, you specified:

“Colter, the tracker.”

▶️ Keep Reading: PART 2

Series Masterlist

Ko-Fi Me ☕

Russell Shaw Masterlist

Main Masterlist

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@wolkenprinzessin007 @alwaystiredandconfused @carpenterswife @cheynovak @grilledcheeseandtomato

[sparrowlucero]

Instead of discourse about showrunners and lesbians and whatever, I'm gonna bring a different type of discourse...whats ur fav and least Dr Whomst monsters. Hard mode: only the practical ones.

ok so I do like all the obvious ones, I like the angels, I like the vashta nerada, I like the not-things, I like the eternals. Here's a few deeper cuts (focusing on the tv show specifically):

they peaked with these maggots. they rock. pretty sure they're made with taxidermy? really great puppetry. I really like this thing:

what a cool design for this kind of forgotten midseason episode.

this is such a fun design for a langolier-type monster. I love how their crest and tail gives them the silhouette of a grim reaper

The 60s cybermen rock. I feel like they're hesitant to use them often in the modern show because they do look very 1960s but I think there's something really uncomfortable and evocative about the cloth faces that's lost when they're cool metallic robots. The mix between looking like an old diving suit and the implication of there being a chopped up person inside is gnarly and I love it. Simple, creepy, iconic design.

My favorite design in the show is probably this:

The 456 from the spinoff series torchwood. They didn't need the puppet to emote or move a ton since it spends the entire season in a little tank obscured in mist, so they just went crazy with the design and made it really bizarre looking. Extremely top tier alien. Anyways, negative. I really don't like this satan. the satan kind of sucks. the impossible planet is great atmospheric sci fi horror; every image of build up in it is haunting and leagues ahead of the climactic scene where he meets the satan. It singlehandedly kind of kills the vibe.

Personally I would have just kept the actual appearance off screen, just have it be eyes in the dark or something. Apparently they also tossed around the idea that it would end up being a normal little girl who was chained up in the cave and I think that would have visually fit the rest of the episode better.

I'm really not big on the modern design for the sea devils (the green one on the right). I think the classic ones clearly took a lot of direct influence from real animals and generally is a pretty thoughtfully realized design, the modern ones seem like they were first and foremost using the classic ones for reference and didn't quite capture the nuance of the design. Sad, as I would really like to see design for these guys with modern puppetry.

I think this is actually a pretty contentious opinion but the work of the specific studio who headed this redesign generally wasn't my favorite. Apparently there was some sort of major, semi public falling out between the fx studio that had been working on the show since 2005 and the people who started running the show in 2018, and they were briefly replaced with a much less experienced studio. No hate to them of course (I think this was actually their first job like, ever, and a lot of the work was done in crunch time?) but the difference did stand out to me:

[enidtendo64]

Hi!

I just wanted to let you know that I think your art style is beautiful, and it always makes my day better when I see you post something because it's just so unique!

May I ask you about your thoughts on Dipcificia (I hope I'm spelling that right), and their relationship and what their favorite things might be about each other? By the way, have you heard of Over the Garden Wall? (cuz smoetimes people make otgw and gravity falls related posts). I didn't really want to waste your time and I apologise if I did, that was not my intention :) and I hope you have a wonderful day/night!

Hi! Aw man thank you so much!

Oh I have too many thoughts about them—I’m on like a lunch break rn so I might not have much time to speak how much I want on them buuuuut I do have a relationship meme I did a while back that I can post here and explain a bit!

So, here’s the thing, I think depending on the situation/AU/whatever they might have some different things in their dynamic, but I think overall a key feature to their relationship in any setting is that there needs to be banter!

Pacifica likes that Dipper is just as sassy as she is and isn’t afraid to call her out while still having that support system she needs, and just being someone she knows likes her for her and not her money or status.

Dipper likes that Pacifica despite the haughty toity stuff and bratty exterior is a real and witty person who can be brave and cares about people (even if it’s deep down) and bc she has these nuances and isn’t an ideal like he’d made for Wendy in his head, he can actually talk to her and have a good relationship.

Ok now this one is gonna veer more into headcanons but these first two are supported by canon so! I think Dipper enjoyed heavily the fact Pacifica is secretly nerdy, or at least nerdy without realizing. Canonically Pacifica is like, level 100 at some overwatch/warcraft hybrid that I’m convinced is the GF equivalent of League of Legends, and I have a heavy headcanon that Pacifica is so naturally good at numbers and shit like the reason she’s so good at minigolf is just like she sees the angles. Which is funny to be good at geometry when your series’ big evil dude is a triangle. Also Abigale Northwest reference of her being a tinkerer/engineer. I think Pacifica would decimate him in video games or any games in general and Dipper would be both parts competitively upset and genuinely impressed.

And theeennnn this is also backed by canon: I think Dipper is secretly a huuuuge romantic, liek does all the sweet shit type of romantic. I mean we’ve seen his elaborate Wendy plots, and I think it just makes sense for a guy who likes to plan to plan romantic stuff. And maybe he’d also like for someone to do stuff like that for him in return! He might not admit it but everyone picks up on it real quick I think. Pacifica is both surprised and endeared, if not used to it since she comes from a home that doesn’t really express affection. I don’t think she’s ever had anyone actually say they love her, and then here comes Mr. 12 step date plan. I think it just makes her fall even more!

Let’s see, I also think Pacifica falls first, Dipper falls harder. Paz got a crush at the end of NWMM, Dipper would finally realize he liked her like maybe the next summer or so, but by that point Pacifica has resigned herself to having a crush she will never speak of ever bc it’s embarrassing and also she has no clue how to give and receive affection. She’s still learning! I think it differs based on the situation but for post series canon, I’d like to think they started dating/long distancing like first or second year of high school and ended up being high school sweethearts. Bc I think it’s cute!

Let’s see what else…uh Dipper confesses first, Pacifica was his first kiss but Pacifica’s first kiss was when she was younger with some snooty boy and it was unwanted and she cried bc he was being an asshole who took it from her, and her parents didn’t give af. Typical. They both start arguments, though Dipper apologizes first only BARELY. They’re both equally stubborn. Pacifica will apologize if she knows it’s her in the wrong (like idk saying please thank you and sorry) but if it’s a real, both sides hurt and got hurt, type of argument, Pacifica edges out in the “how stubborn can I be” race. And then Paz brings up the past more bc it’s the most she can reference with her sheltered upbringing, and Dipper talks more bc Pacifica is genuinely interested in his interests even if she doesn’t outright admit it sometimes but also I think Pacifica tends to have gotten used to not talking as much unless it’s to judge so she’s got a lot of shit to unlearn, so she just reacts to being spoken to more than starting the convo, if that makes sense. And then Pacifica is more sacrificial bc I do think Dipper is super giving and definitely protective (they both are but Dipper more so since he’s just canonically like that) but I think Pacifica is more the type to sacrifice way more than she can give if it means doing what’s right. Even if she hates it lol. (The bell, idk wtf happened with her there but she’s genuinely scared out of her mind about that bell and yet she’s willing to risk it all!)

Ok and then lastly! I have seen OTGW! I love that show! It’s really well animated and the storyline is sweet!

And thank you, I hope you have a wonderful night too!

[miharuhebinata]

do you mean twilight princess, in which she held a sword exactly once in a flashback and pretty much immediately dropped it in surrender? or wind waker, where she forgets how to use a sword the second she turns into princess zelda until literally the final battle 🤔? and i genuinely can't think of whatever other time you're referring to that she apparently uses a sword. spirit tracks? ok i'll give you that one, i guess, because phantom zelda is pretty badass, but other than that.........??

"ummm actually it's a good thing that zelda plays differently from link, because link has the triforce of courage so of course he fights and uses swords! meanwhile zelda has the triforce of wisdom, so obviously she's going to find more clever ways to solve her problems teehee ;)" hey did you guys know you can still be excited for the game while also acknowledging it's pretty fucking shitty of nintendo to act like zelda is incapable of picking up a sword in a mainline game.