#I just know I also would've loved to have a barbie or two

[dat2ndaccount97]

Made a long ish thread on my twitter about growing up liking superheroes as a kid in the early 00s while not living near a comic shop and how it sorta shaped my tastes with Marvel/DC stuff, and that got me thinking back and feeling nostalgic for my childhood, then looking at barbie posts on here got me thinking about the childhood I didn't have because no dolls because boy and gender norms.

The latter is making me feel a bit sad and wanting to buy some Early 00s barbies, like the ones I could've had when I was 3-8 years old.

and the former is making me want to watch some old late 90s/early 00s Marvel and DC shows Sam Rami's Spider-Man, the Burton/Schumacher Batman films (even though I'm engaging with those films regularly because of that other twitter I run) and the Chris Reeve Superman Movies, aka some of the super formative Superhero stuff I watched as a kid

[pixiesfz]

Hi how are you and love your fics and would you write for Charli grant also Katrina gorry

heya!, I'm doing well thankyou I actually have a cute idea of Charli and the reader going to the Australian woman of the year awards together!!

plot: Y/N and Charli are injured and can't go to the Matildas camp in Canada, therefor they are asked to represent the Matildas at the Australian Woman of the Year awards (imagine reader in the red mini dress Margot Robbie wore for a barbie premiere)

Warnings: fluff, mentions of anxiety (ik dates don't add up...live the fantasy)

When you sprained your ankle at the Leicester vs Arsenal game you were upset that you couldn't take part in the last international camp of the year, you considered all of the girls like family.

Then Charli also injured herself, ruling you both out of the camp. It was then you decided that you could both go home to your families in Australia and spend your week there.

You forgot about your injury and instead got excited, you hadn't physically seen your girlfriend in about three weeks and you had missed her so much.

Kyra gave you so much shit for it.

When the plane to Sydney landed you knew she would be at the Airport waiting so you flashed a smile quickly to the person who thankfully didn't snore who sat behind you and made your way out of the plane.

You saw her from a mile away with her bright perfect smile and blonde wavy locks. She was the definition of sunlight in your eyes and every time you saw her you felt like you were falling in love all over again.

When you quickened up your steps to get to her you let go of your suitcase and engulfed her in a bone-crushing hug.

"hello to you to babe" she laughed and you squeezed her tighter "I missed you Chaz"

"I missed you too" she said and relaxed into your touch. You both stayed like that before she let you go and reached into her bag, bringing out two tickets.

"I may have agreed to something" she sheepishly smiled and you laughed "what did you do?" you ask and she held out the tickets to you.

"Woman of the year awards" you read out before she pointed at them again "you missed something"

You looked back down at the ticket and furrowed your brows until you saw it.

"Tonight?!"

"Surprise!" Charli smiled cautiously as she watched your face "I know they're last minute but it would be you and me representing the Matilda's whilst they're at camp and plus we get to dress up" she added on, grabbing your hands.

You gave in and smiled "Okay," you told her "I don't have a dress though, I didn't think 'big event' would've been something I should've packed for" you said and Charli laughed "They've got us dresses babe" she told you before giving you a soft kiss on the lips.

"Can we go home?" you asked with an overexaggerated pout "if I'm going to this thing I'm gonna need a rest to get rid of these eyebags" you pointed at your eyes and Charli grabbed the tickets out of your hand.

"Oh please you will be the most sexy woman there" she encouraged and grabbed your hand "let's go".

You were both at your family home, laying on your childhood bed, napping with your legs entangled together.

You watched Charli sleep with a smile, she was gorgeous, you didn't know that she was doing the same thing ten minutes ago when you were fast asleep.

You got up to the end of the bed and checked your phone for the time, three o'clock. You knew you had to wake Charli up to get ready.

But before you did you looked at the door that had the dress that Vanity Fair had chosen for you both, Charli had an elegant yellow gown and you had a red silk mini dress that you knew you would probably be thinking about the shortness of the whole night.

"We can switch" a voice popped up behind you and you faced Charli "No, you would look perfect with the yellow" You smiled and Charli moved up from the bed to you and snuggled into your side "You will look fabulous" she told you and kissed your shoulder "you always do"

"I'm just a little bit scared is all" you admitted and Charli nodded "like what if I fall-" "you want fall" "but I could" you told her before looking down "I have bruises on my shins from soccer it will be unattractive and the media would be-"

"hey" Charli turned your head delicately with her fingers to face her "We are there to accept an award because of our sport, it would be a little stupid if they think we walk out of the pitch with nicely tanned shaved legs with no damage to our bodies, plus we are only going because we have done damage to our bodies" she joked, hoping it would bring a smile upon your lips, which it did.

"I don't want you thinking about anyone in the media y/n" Charli told you as she stroked her fingers in your hair "think about you, or me, or even you and me, think of anything" she encouraged and pressed a small kiss to your lips.

"You always know how to make me feel better" you smile at her "anything for my girl" she smiled, and for the 1000th time that day you felt your heart melt.

"I love you"

"I love you too, now lets get ready"

It wasn't long until the hair and makeup people came and 'did you up' as Charli called it, her hair was curled and her eyes had a shimmer on them that somehow made her shine even more than her natural self.

You didn't think that was possible.

Your makeup was similar, only with a sharper eyeliner and you hair was in a low bun with strands curled at the front.

You walked out to your girlfriend talking to one of the media girls that you recognized from the world cup who was filming Charli answering a few questions in her dress which she stopped when you walked out.

"y/n freaking y/l/n" she stated before walking up to you and giving you a hug "you look gorgeous she told you before stepping back and looking at you upside down "and bloody sexy!" she added, making you blush.

You weren't gonna lie you did feel glamorous and you did catch yourself looking in the mirror a bit longer than intended.

"You're not too bad yourself" you told the blonde who couldn't stop smiling.

You both answered some questions, even including questions about your relationship that the viewers on tik tok would love.

"Cabs here you ready to go babe?" you called out as you got the text of the arrival of your uber driver, you turned around to your girlfriend taking pictures of you "Charli!" you called out and she laughed.

"You just look so good!"

[steviesbicrisis]

I'm not writing this but just so you know, another Barbie x Steddie idea I had was to make Eddie as Allan and Steve as Ken because of Allan being marketed as Ken's buddy who could also fit into Ken's clothes.

I would've had Eddie being proud of not being a Ken (the same way he's proud of being 'the freak') and having bad feelings towards the other Kens because he doesn't like being referred to as "Ken's buddy".

And I would've had a very oblivious Steve who loves to have Eddie as a "buddy" and especially to see him wearing his clothes. He also wouldn't have figured out why he gets upset whenever Eddie wears another Ken's clothes even if the explanation was spelled out to him.

These two would've taken much longer to get together, trust me.

Probably they would've got there after Steve tried on Eddie's clothes for a change and Eddie would've been like "oh".

[fencecollapsed]

I have some opinions about the Barbie and Ken dynamic,, let me know if I'm out of line here but like I wish they were friends

I know it was supposed to be abundantly clear that Barbie is uninterested in Ken romantically, and believe me I'm all for that. but she didn't seem to like him much at all, and I feel like that was kind of a missed opportunity?

I believe that Ken's arc is partly supposed to resemble watching a boy you grew up with and trusted and were close to becoming an alpha male misogynist seemingly out of nowhere, I see that intent and it's good. I personally didn't really feel that in the movie though because I don't super believe that Barbie considered Ken a friend. if Stereotypical Ken was Stereotypical Barbie's very best friend - which he definitely isn't - him turning on her would've hit harder

it could've given more to explore with their relationship overall. unrequited romantic love between best friends tends to be portrayed as sad for the friend who's in love, but what about the friend who isn't? in middle school I had two guy friends who I considered family, they were like brothers. I thought they were great and I really liked being around them. both of them ended up asking me out, and when I turned them down, our relationships changed. one of them got distant and jealous, and the other stayed my friend but every now and then would still try to convince me to date him. it sucked, and on both occasions I felt bad that I didn't feel the same way they did. I missed how things were before

going deeper into that dynamic with Barbie and Ken could've added an extra layer to the movie. they used to be so close, things are different now, they love each other, but Ken loves Barbie romantically and Barbie loves Ken like a brother, and they both know it. lately she's spending more time with the girls and less time with him because things are awkward and she feels bad, without realizing she's starting to disregard him entirely. Ken feels lonely and dejected and falls into the patriarchy and starts believing that Barbie not loving him the way he loves her isn't just unfortunate, it's wrong, he's entitled to that. all the Kens are entitled to that. if she doesn't love him how he wants her to why should she get the respect she doesn't give him?

their little talk at the end could have more weight and them going their separate ways could be more bittersweet because they do love each other. they'll miss each other so much, they've always been best friends. but they've been hurting each other too much for too long without realizing it, and it's better to say goodbye now than to hold on until they end up hating each other

also I wish Ken apologized to Barbie. I know, I know it was definitely intentional, it was about the man hurting the woman and the woman still feels the need to apologize to him, but that doesn't mean I have to like it!! if Ken's arc was supposed to be remotely sympathetic he should've said he was sorry!!!

[ladye-zelda]

Because I have a crippling addiction to Barbie nostalgia, here's a bit more of a deep dive in the princesses for the 10 Princesses AU:

Queen Lullaby

Age: 28

She got her nickname lullaby due to at one point lulling all her younger sisters to sleep by playing her harp after their mother's death

Became queen at 22 after the king had been driven to insanity after Aurora was cursed (he couldn't handle the grief after his wife died)

When she was a little child, the first instrument she learned was the ocarina (due to being the oldest, she would've inherited the Ocarina of Time), but after entrusting it to one of her soldiers for safekeeping she made the harp her main instrument

Often snuck out of the castle in a Sheikah alter-ego when she was a teenager, though that stopped when she was coronated

She is very protective of her younger sisters; so much so she does sometimes snap at them just to ensure their safety due to the kingdom's expectations of them

Princess Artemis

Age: 25*

Got her nickname for being the "warrior" out of the sisters (would sometimes boast by being the best archer, but all of the sisters knew that title belonged to Dusk and Tetra)

Ever since she was a young child she always copied Lullaby (not that she minded). It was because Lullaby was taking harp lessons that Artemis joined as well (even adopting a Sheikah persona when Lullaby did)

She uses her alter-ego to sneak into the army. Only Lullaby knows about this, so it is a secret even kept from the rest of her sisters

She is Somewhat Responsible. She realizes she is the next in line for the throne, so when she is forced to be in that "coming of heir" position she will put on her third persona: the ruler of Hyrule one

Princess Dusk

Age: 22

Got her nickname for being a night-owl for so long

She's more introverted than the rest of her sisters, largely due to the fact she "lost" her twin to a curse

Though she stopped dancing in the public eye for quite some time, she still loves to dance under the cover of night in her mother's garden when she cannot sleep (which is quite often, hence her nickname)

When she does speak, she speaks a lot more formally than her sisters. She's also the least likely to cause any trouble, so when Lullaby is talking to the rest of the sisters she never refers to Dusk (but of course that "good girl" mentality gets to her sometimes)

Despite being almost always by herself, she is still very warm and caring to her sisters, especially to the younger ones

She is extremely pale due to her being inside so much, so Artemis would often get her to go outside in the sun to practice archery (which doesn't last long when Artemis gets upset that Dusk is so much better at it)

Princess Aurora**

Age: 16 (physically and mentally, but in reality she is 22; the same as Dusk's age)

The sisters have been calling her that in hopes that she would someday wake up, just like the fairytales

She looks very similiar to Dusk, albeit a bit younger now

She got accidentally cursed when she opened up a gift meant to be for her father

Not really much to say about her at the moment, other than if she wakes up she'll have no idea that years had passed

Princess Sun

Age: 20

Got her nickname because she is the most optimistic and cheerful of the sisters

Also took harp lessons because of Artemis, just because it looked fun; also the best singer out of all of the princesses

Was favored by the king due to resembling so much of the late queen (can you tell that the late queen was technically Hylia lol)

Has fallen in love with one of the knights (Sky). All of the sisters know about it, even Lullaby, who lovingly teases her about it

The two have been discussing a secret marriage, but there's always the threat of Sun being the one to inherit the throne due to her being the only one in a concrete relationship (she doesn't want to put Sky through the stress of being a royal)

(Lullaby lets it all slide, though she does become increasingly worried the more the secret relationship goes on)

Princess Flora

Age: 18

Got her name due to always being outside, inspecting the plants and whatnot

She can sit down and name every plant in her mother's garden all by scientific name

She feels the effects of her father favoring Sun the most out of the other sisters, mainly because she (and her twin) also looked like their mother, but the king seemed to always pick on Flora for being interested in the more "mundane" things

(If she had a movie counterpart it would be the little sister who collects bugs; Flora would do the same but with... well... flora ig lol)

Once had a bodyguard (Wild), but had gotten into an accident causing him to lose his memories. Flora blames herself for it and still has nightmares about the event

Princess Fable

Age: 18

Got her name due to being obsessed with fairytales and whatnot (she's the one who suggested the nickname for Aurora)

She loves curling up by the fire reading a good book for fun

When she's not reading, she's often tending to her other sister's emotional needs (like comforting her twin or going up to Aurora's tower to bring food for Dawn)

(If I ever do an Island Princess AU, which is unlikely lol, she would be Princess Luciana rooting for Legend (who would be Prince Antontio) and Marin (who would be Ro))

If her twin is science, she would be magic as often she is studying about making potions and making sparkles and fireballs come out of her hand (ssb reference)

Also yes, the Fable-in-that-one-dress-from-Barbie-as-Rapunzel post is SUPER canon

Princess Dawn

Age: 15 (almost 16)

She got her name for being an early riser (even despite her young age)

She cares the most about Aurora, even though she doesn't remember a whole lot about her. She would spend the most time in her tower; dusting the place, talking to Aurora as if she was awake, etc.

Not much to say about her either, other than she has developed a little crush on the flute boy who comes to the castle every now and then (she doesn't know his name so that's what she has been calling him; this crush is not as obvious as Sun's attraction to Sky)

Princess Dot

Age: 15 (almost 16)

Got her name due to being the only one of the sisters with freckles; but not by one of her sisters but by her best friend

She's also the only one out of her sisters to have a best friend outside of the castle

She's very quiet and emotional; the movie equivalent to her would be Lacey, as much like Flora she is also underconfident of herself (probably due to her being the most forgotten out of all of the sisters)

Thanks to her best friend, she can see the minish. She is sometimes caught laughing to herself whenever she sees them do something funny

Just like Dusk, also the least likely to do something chaotic

Princess Tetra

Age: 13

Got her nickname because she hated that she was just another "Zelda" so changed her name (her legal name is Zelda the 10th oof)

Made rejecting the castle life her whole personality

The most chaotic out of her entire sisters

Sneaks out of the castle the most (alongside Sun) but she has the guts to do it in broad daylight at least

Archery is her main passion of course; inspired from Artemis

If you ask her Artemis is her favorite sister (they're very alike in personalities, except Tetra has no sense of responsibility)

The most extroverted of the sisters and is most likely to be thrown in jail

Dreams of becoming a pirate queen

*the original post had her at 24 but for some reason I keep writing 25 so she's a year older now

** in the original post I was kind of worried I didn't clarify the thing about her age; kind of think of it like Link and Zelda from botw on how technically they're both over 100 years old but physically and mentally 17. The same goes for Aurora

This list will probably change in the future as I think more about their personalities, but this is just what I have down for now! Feel free to ask any questions about them!

[trickster-archangel]

Random thoughts about Hawaii Five-0 rewatch: part 1/?

So, as someone of my mutuals already knows, I'm currently undergoing the exhausting task of checking all the fucking 61 DVDs from the H50 box set before the 30-days guarantee expires, because it's physically impossible to watch them all completely in that time, even if I took 1 month leave. So I'm simply skipping back and forth and leaving the regular rewatch for when my life will be less of a living hell...so, supposedly around 2038...

I have one complaint, which is the subtitles are not completely matching all dialogues, but since my brain only needs them until it's switched to English-mode and I can start understanding it again, I guess it's alright. Second complaint: they're fucking HUGE and OVERLAPPING THE SCENES SO RANDOMLY IT HURTS.

Anyway, I've by now processed only s1-s5, and dude....some things I caught in the deleted scenes (which I've watched entirely) AND in some parts of the commentaries I specifically sought because curiosity won, and which I've never seen giffed or captioned....man, I was so angry and disappointed at times. So I thought I'd be randomly processing them here, no pics sorry, only thoughts.

~~~~~~more under the cut~~~~~~

Thought #1: Alex and Scott goofing around.

Trust me. The gag reels are so much better than you'd expect. At times I was genuinely laughing to tears and god knows how rare it is.

What I loved most was to watch that scene where Alex and Scott start cussing in Italian, and I bet no one who's not Italian could understand a fuck about what they're yelling. Best part, though, were the subtitles, captioning ALEX AND SCOTT: SWEARING IN ITALIAN 😂 Just to make sure what language exactly they were using.

Thought #2: missed chance to make Amber's character less of a plastic doll, or: Why did you fucking cut those 57 seconds?!?!

While watching s5 deleted scenes, I stumbled upon two real jewels from the 24th episode. I'm still trying to understand why they couldn't include them in the canon episode, since both of them combined are less than a minute and surely there were other moments that could've been cut. My only explanation, sadly, is that it would've painted Amber in quite a different light, making her a stronger, rounder character, and giving her an agency we rarely saw in her, except when confronting her ex husband. They could've followed that route, but we cannot have a beautiful woman who's also her own person, a self-confident person, and not just a plastic Barbie doll, right?! God forbid a woman can have agency and call out men on their bullshit, it would threat masculine privilege too much....

So, what exactly happened that bothered me so deeply? (Be aware I'm quoting by heart and not literally, as I didn't take screenshots and anyway I can't make gifs. Also, the following meta is just my interpretation of the implications running through subtext).

The first scene is very short, just six or seven seconds long, but it's a jewel in subtext and non-verbal communication. It takes place presumably after or around the moment Rachel tells Danny about Charlie: we see them from afar, clearly in a street-taken point of view, from an external observer. They are agitated and distressed, Rachel more than Danny, who's tensely spread on the bench with his arms looped behind the backrest, angling far from Rachel's compact and almost self-hugging frame.

They're distressed, not happy, not even remotely connecting to each other, so it's clear it's not a scene which could be envisioned as romantic. It's only a couple of seconds long, and then we see whose this external point of view belongs to: Amber. Amber who's not an idiotic, mellow, shallow doll. Amber who's been so clearly upset by Danny's lie about the texts, that she decided to follow him to the place Rachel had indicated. Amber who's been manipulated and controlled and abused long enough to become suspicious and self-preserving when someone she loves, and who knows her vulnerability, tries to play her around. Amber who looks at them, and clearly isn't angry nor jealous, because those few moments the actress uses to convey all of Amber's inner distress, are some of her best ones (giving that the actress, alas, is not very expressive to begin with), and we understand that she doesn't see any romance in the air. She's disappointed. She's hurt. Betrayed. Again.

Amber's face, in a handful of seconds, perfectly displays the devastating feeling of someone who finally felt safe and respected and secure, only to discover that it's yet another kind of control and manipulation, less cruel, less brutal, but not less humiliating and even worrying.

This is something she's learnt at her expense, and now that she knows the red flags, she cannot trust a man who can't be honest with her, not with this kind of problems, not with something which is clearly affecting his life to a deep level. He wants Amber to be a part of his life, but only if he can control the terms, limits, boundaries and times of their relationship. And Amber has been through it all before, and can't trust that history won’t repeat itself.

She then drives away, hurt and disappointment written all over her face.

The second deleted scene is even more important plotwise, because it explains Amber's absence as Danny’s plus one at Kono's wedding, after all the talk he did in the car about bringing some Amber's friend as Steve's date, and it casts a new light over Danny's reaction to Steve's resolve to ask Cath to marry him, or his tension about Lynn, or Amber's condistent absence for the whole first part of s6, or even Danny's and Amber's fight during their Valentine's dinner.

The scene is longer, about fifty seconds, and it supposedly takes place right at the end of the episode, after Danny pulls up at the hospital's parking lot, after Steve's affectionate text. He takes his phone out of his pocket again because he's received a voice-mail message.

A message from Amber (sorry, I noticed just now I'm still going with Amber instead of Melissa).

She says she's sorry to be doing this by voice-mail because she'd prefer to do it in person, but given their situation it's probably for the best if she spares them both the trouble to be forced to find shallow excuses. She says he's an amazing man, and that she likes what they have and that she thinks it might be real, and that she hopes he feels the same. She's understanding that his job comes first and it's terribly demanding, as she's also aware of how hard his life and his backstory is, with Grace and Rachel. This all considered, she thinks it's best if they stop and take a pause, so that he can reflect and decide if he wants to keep this thing going, but as for now, she can't keep seeing him on these terms.

Amber decided to stop seeing Danny until he decided what to do with their relationship and be honest with her, and started thinking seriously if he was just using her, as she probably felt.

Why?? Why did they cut this whole plotline? It's pivotal for Danny's arc, for his strained and angry attitude towards everyone, for his constant distress, for his even worsening negativity, for the way he's overcompensating with excessive euphoria to Steve's announcement about Cath, for how he meddles with them and confronts Cath about being honest, for how he's not thrilled about Lynn's insertion inside Steve's life.

Because he's alone, at that time. Call it temporary breakup or period of reflection or a break, but he was single and thinking, again, about everything he was doing wrong with his life and his relationships, and falling again into his old black hole of depression and self-sabotage, and seeing Steve going on with his life even at the cost of pretending he was happy with this woman he had supposedly no trouble cheating on, during their "couple retreat", making him wonder if either what he had with Lynn wasn't serious, or if his obvious charade about his threesome with Alyssa and her friend had a second meaning.

Also, they were probably both single again, or at least testing the waters, when they were at the retreat. And Danny definitely was when Cath left Steve once again abandoned, betrayed, and never-chosen in face of anything else.

Quite a lot of subtext to think about, for just 57 seconds which were, prudently, cut.

[tiredassmage]

god i just finished what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck. spoodle talk + pics under the cut for some end of update stuff no peeksies if you don't want that.

oh and obligatory new agent va thoughts as one of ur resident agent posters.

hold on I need about. twenty minutes to process everything I witnessed today holy FUCK. MY GOD.

SHAE WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! SHAE!!!! SHAE PICK THE PHONE BACK UP!!!!!

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. okay look the amount of times tyr was able to basically tell the dark council to go suck a nut was fantastic but FOR FUCK'S SAKE SHAE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE TIMES WAS FOR YOU. FOR BEING INVOLVED IN SOMETHING HE HAS THOUGHT FOR MONTHS WAS GETTING OUT OF HAND. SHAE!!!!! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME!!!!!!

fucking. tyr "everything is under control" deckard lying boldfaced to vowrawn himself. "is there anything else?" to krovos. holy fuck. dude. god. tyr i love you. obligatory blorbo posting.

he really just fuckin said "nah. die mad about it." oh my god. oh my fucking god.

he doesn't know what the glowy fucking box does any more than you do and he's going to keep it that way because [piano keyboard slam] he doesn't trust you at allllll <3

anyway. spent the whole update with the new va for male agent now. I have decided I Like Him. felt a lot better after I found the post saying it was a new va. Probably would've been insanely less jarring on the front end of playing to have known that before I launched the game today because I think most of my initial awkward piano keyboard smash about it was Not Knowing.

No reasons are posted and it is absolutely none of my business, as it should remain so, but I admit I'm not... entirely surprised by the recast. Didn't expect it to show up here, evidently, and I haven't followed anything outside of the game, but the last update or two was a little... rougher around the edges I'd noticed and having another character at max suggested it wasn't exclusively a studio recording-related occurrence, so I wish our original legend the absolute best, but Scolding appears to have had a lot of fun picking up the role here and I applaud that, it's a lot of fun to hear.

And now that I am. a little bit more coherent having discussed something Else about the update, I'll also pitch a chip into the idea that I don't... entirely mind that they used KOTOR style cinematics in sections of this update because it gave us a lot more variance in exactly what to say in those moments and it felt fitting for what they were trying to achieve with Sa'har.

Which. sniffles. Ouuuu Sa'har, idk if I'm ready to get started on that. THIS UPDATE. AND LEAVING ME ON THINGS. THAT ARE CAUSING ME EMOTIONS!!!! DAMN!!!!!

SLAY, GIRL, SLAY!

okay general photodump from the whole update time you know how I am about seeing my favorite barbie kicking ass and being in peril <3

damn this was good. nice outing, swtor. nice outing.

[moodymisty]

requests are open???????? oh??????? okay okay hear me out, I know this might seem weird but I just love how you write for our clones and since I know you love him as much as I do..... what about "finding out they have a momento of you somewhere on them they bring everywhere" + Tai? 👉🏻👈🏻

Author's note: -yanks a barbie-like doll version of Tai from your hands- He's mine to play with now >:3 and I shall make his life perfect and full of fluff as he deserves. I can't be mean to him on my first time writing him xD

Also Wrecker, since you mentioned him in another message. His is a small bonus featured at the bottom ;3

Relationships: Tai(homeless clone veteran from Kenobi to anyone unawares)/Gn!Reader, Wrecker/Gn!Reader

Warnings: None

Your friends had always insisted you had a bleeding heart. But you never really got why it was always considered something you say about someone to insult them.

You care for other people; Is that so bad?

Well, here maybe. There's no shortage of individuals looking to take advantage of that. But you're careful, it's not like you would've gotten far if you hadn't been. But sometimes you can't help it. You'd lost count of how many times you'd come out to give him some food, as he sat camped out close by the entrance to your work.

"I," He hadn't heard you at first, your voice filtered into the crowd and was carried away by it. You spoke again, louder; With more confidence, you had thought.

"I brought you another."

When you'd finally caught his attention he turned to you, the brightness of his eyes contrasting against the still somewhat disheveled nature of his hair and beard. He'd trimmed some of it not too long ago, but in the situation he was in, it was difficult to find the proper tools to do so.

You'd handed him one of the two mealboxes in your hand- it's still warm on the bottom as your fingers brush over his gloved ones. He had hesitated, but after the last few times where you had, and quite aggressively insisted, he take the food, this time he just takes it.

"You're beginning to make a habit of this," His thumb fiddled with the tab to pull up the lid and take a peek at what was inside. "You know you don't have to."

He makes good company, and you don't hesitate to say as such.

"There's some storage crates behind the store; Do you maybe want to eat together?"

You were never able to stop the expectant look on your face, maybe hoping to puppy dog eyes him into joining you. It had seemed to work, but who knows if it was the pleading tone of just the offer of some company.

He went to haul himself to his feet, so you reached out a hand. He didn't exactly shove it away, but he didn't take it; Standing fully and giving you a small smile. It still surprises you sometimes how tall he is at full height, especially with those thick plastoid boots adding another chunk of height.

"I'm not that old." Putting the hand back on your mealbox, it had been hard not to teasingly roll your eyes.

"You said it, not me."

To think, that felt like so long ago.

It really hadn't been, but time passes so wonderfully slow sometimes when you're around him. And how lucky you'd ended up, now getting to say 'good morning', instead of 'good night'.

The blankets still cover your legs, looking to the side as you watch him dump out his ratty old bag all over his side of the bed. You can tell he still doesn't think he should be here, but you were quick to give him his own little spaces of his. He deserves it, and you want him here.

Various little things come tumbling out out his worn rucksack; Some credits, a roll of bandages, a piece of candy and an empty blaster mag, even.

He's such an early riser- you're not even out of your nightclothes and he's up and moving. Already gave you a kiss and made a cup of caf.

You'd bought Tai a new satchel when you noticed the rips and holes in his current one, that were making it nearly unable to fulfill it's purpose as a bag. The one you'd bought wasn't anything fancy, but part of you had been concerned about implying he replace the old one and finding out it had sentimental value. Thankfully it didn't seem to, and now he's eager to make use of your gift.

Shaking it once more a piece of foil also comes tumbling out with his various doodads, and given it looks looks like nothing else he owns, you decide to curiously reach for it. He doesn't vocalize that you shouldn't touch it, but you still hesitate just a moment to make sure you aren't snooping.

He looks at you and then the foil in your hands, before giving a soft smile that shifts his grey speckled stubble.

"Open it."

Carefully the crumpled metal makes noise as you unfold the edges, before revealing what's inside on your lap.

A flower is pressed and dried, wrapped up in the foil. The stem is cracked from being folded to fit in such a small pack, but it's still secured with the actual petals.

"Is this," You question, even though you think you know where this is from. Not too many plants have the chance to grow and blossom in this sort of smoggy, dirty city.

It must've been blown down from a rooftop garden not too long before you'd both walked by, it late into the night and both your bellies full from some hot, cheap food. The flower had been a bright blue just like the fading paint on his armor, and picking up off the ground you managed to save it from getting stepped on- holding it up to his chestplate. Commenting on the color match had made him smile, before he stuck it in the hair right above your ear.

You don't remember ever taking it out, so it must've fallen sometime during the night and he'd snatched it back up. There had been so much happening; The smell of food and booze, Imperial troopers chasing a mugger, Tai had an arm around you the entire time, and it had tightened with they came a bit too close. That warm feeling had made your stomach turn in knots.

"Why'd you keep it?" You're curious, gently rubbing one of the petals between your thumb and index finger. It's so soft, even the slightest touch and you're nervous you'll ruin it.

He must've had this safely in his satchel for weeks now, and you'd never even known.

"Thought that even if you didn't stick around, I'd still remember having fun that night." He didn't get many of those sorts of days, not after everything that's happened. So much of his life has just been survive to the next day; Next hour, next minute.

"You know," Gently folding the flower back up in it's foil you still hold it in your hand, glancing towards him. "I was already in love with you when you gave me this."

There still exists a small degree of self doubt that exists in him; That he's not the right man for you. Though after vehemently denying it and insisting he stay when he tried to beat himself into leaving your home, you do everything in your power to make sure he has no reason to think those things.

Your confession made him falter for a moment, as you look at him with those sweet, irresistible eyes.

Putting his knee on the bed he moves closer to you, eyebrows raised as his slightly hooded eyes stare you down. He's still a little bit sleepy since the caf hasn't quite kicked in, and neither of you have eaten yet. He's been wanting to make it, he says to make up for all those meals you gave him.

"Did it make you love me more?" You put the flower down safely out of the way, so it isn't as risk of getting crushed when you lean forward and meet him at the middle; Nose just brushing against his. You want to kiss him so fucking bad, feeling his beard against your skin when you mutter your answer.

"There's no words to describe how much it did."

✦ Bonus! Some Wrecker goodness ✦

Wrecker always runs so hot; On a cold planet like this, it's particularly nice.

He makes this sort of heat bubble, that radiates around him like the burning sun of a solar system. Warming up your thighs with the arm leaning across them, he does so as well with your back and side as he uses his other arm to pull you against his chest. Sitting sideways in his lap is nice, especially as you watch the stars.

This is the sort of thing normally makes you quite sleepy- though it doesn't help that Wrecker insists on being the most comfortable sleeping spot. At least this time it won't be terrible if you end up falling asleep, because at least he'll be here to wake you back up. Or keep an eye on everything for you.

He occasionally has to check the scanners, leaning forward to do so when he feels enough time has passed without taking a glance. The continuously snow obscures vision outside the viewports of The Marauder to a degree, but it's not bad enough that you can't see the sky. It is however, bad enough that you have to keep an eye on the scanners to check if anything is getting close, lest you end up noticing only when something's right on top of you.

Not that anyone or thing, other than maybe what little wildlife can survive out here anyways would; It's just Hunter being cautious.

When Wrecker tightens his grip on your thighs a bit an leans forward to check, you notice something underneath the armor of his wrist, and gently reach to grasp his arm. Wrecker doesn't resist and lets you have his arm but he is a little confused, until you expose the thin chain that's wrapped around his body glove but underneath his gauntlet.

"I didn't know you kept this."

You remember way back when, on your first what you would call an 'official date', your necklace had snapped. It wasn't one that had any sort of extreme sentimental value, but you had really liked it; Though when Wrecker had picked it up off the ground to see multiple links were ruined, you elected to trash it.

Apparently Wrecker hadn't done that, and had instead used the long chain and tied it around his wrist with a haphazard double knot, the small little gold pendant long since having been lost.

"I, uh," Wrecker takes his arm away from your hands, and rubs the portion of his neck just below his ear. The chain is easily hidden underneath the plates of his armor, which more than explains why you'd never spotted it up until right now.

"It reminded me of that first date." He looks at you oddly for a moment, his brown eyes trying to read your expression. "It isn't weird, is it?" You shake your head.

"No, not at all. Maybe I can use some of Tech's tools so we can fix it? Then it won't fall off."

He noticeably perks up at that. His hand goes right back to cupping the side of your thigh, his gloved palm covering a good portion of it.

"Yeah, I really don't wanna loose it after this long."

Gods, Wrecker is too sweet for you.

"Well now you got to give me something of yours, so we can match. Right?" He almost instantly starts wracking his brain for ideas, his fingers tapping against your thigh.

"I got an idea," Your eyebrows raise, waiting. "But it's a surprise."

Of course it is.

He laughs as you drop your shoulders, having been denied the instant satisfaction of knowing what memento he's going to give you.

"Awww Wrecker come on, please? Tell me?" Your arms raise to wrap around his neck, attempting to pull him for a kiss, but his torso is too tall for you to get anywhere in this position. He pinches the side of your thigh, making you squeal just a bit.

"I'll tell you later. Promise."

[fluffytheocelot]

Okay, I saw your screencap redraw, and as someone else who's *obsessed* with Carmen's parents, I had to take you up on that offer. So, consider this ask license to infodump your thoughts on them! :)

AGH ok so-

Carmen's parents have a LOT of potential narrative-wise, and I really hope one day we'll see more of them in canon. (Maybe comics like the showrunner talked about before?)

Like how in the world did they meet??? Cause idk i feel like Carlotta disappeared way too easily to have just been a civilian. I think she was a thief too, not VILE, she only steals when she needs to, for one reason or another.

this is getting long oops- under the cut!

I think they happened to be going after the same thing, at the same time, and hoo boy do they not get along lol. Turns out Carlotta (telling Dexter her name is Vera Cruz. He does not believe her) had agreed to steal the whatever-it-is in exchange for an under-the-radar trip somewhere else.

They make a deal: Dexter gets her there, and he gets to keep the prize. Yay, roadtrip!

Cue rivals-to-friends-to-lovers speedrun lmao

Some time passes after that (during which they continue to see each other) and many months later they discover oops they made a Carmen

Dexter begins making his much longer trips away from VILE (wanting to support his partner with their unborn kid as much as he can) and starts the process of leaving. When Carmen is born, his trips away get longer and VILE finally catches wind of what's happening, and you know the rest.

AHH ok headcanons about each:

Dexter

definitely shares a lot of personality traits with Carmen. Even just from what we saw during Shadowsan's flashback, they are so so similar :( The two combined chaos energies probably would've driven Carlotta up a wall lmao

woulda been a fantastic girl dad. this man would have sat thru tea parties and played barbies with little Carmen and LOVED IT

dad jokes. that is all.

probably also a very high energy/troublemaking kid, like Carmen

Seriously I picture him and Carmen being super close if he'd survived.

idk i think it'd be funny that this master thief that is 1/5th of the leadership of a massive and ancient crime organization is an absolute dorky dad lmao

bi

was gonna ask Carlotta to marry him after he escaped. but. well.. yk.

Was gonna pick Shadowsan to take his place on the faculty anyway

knows guitar, and probably would've taught carmen how to as well.

is it a universal dad thing to enjoy Jimmy Buffet music or is that just my dad??? Idk either way he vibes. Carlotta has a video of him softly strumming a guitar with baby Carmen in his lap and singing "Little Miss Magic" to her ;-;

also enjoys AC/DC, Black Sabbath, Guns n Roses, all that kinda stuff. Probably projecting my own dad a bit but oh well

As much as he'd hate he couldn't be there for Carmen when she was growing up, I think he'd be glad she at least had Shadowsan looking out for her :)

He would be so proud of everything Carmen has done and accomplished ;-;

Carlotta

its probably been said before, but Carlotta definitely started up the orphanage in Buenos Aires hoping Carmen would end up in it at some point.

Carmen inherited thief skills from both parents idc. Carlotta definitely gave Dexter a run for his money lol

looks a lot like carmen, but with green eyes instead of gray, and more brown hair than Carmen's red/auburn.

also the parent carmen got her freckles from (BC Carmen had em when she was little, and she spent a lot of time out in the sun!! I will die on the Carmen having faint freckles hill dangit!)

also bi. idk these two give bi4bi vibes.

more likely to get into a fistfight out of the two of them ("Carlotta, no!" "Carlotta YES" *cut to Dexter desperately trying to hold her back* "CARLOTTA PLEASE WE'RE TRYING NOT TO GET CAUGHT")

Upon reuniting with and getting to know Carmen, she's very much reminded of Dexter. She'd be all too happy to tell her stories of Dexter.

definitely also has a bit of a mischief streak too.

absolutely did NOT put up with Dexter's nonsense at first lol

was initially terrified of what Dexter would think when she told him they were gonna be parents, but was quickly reassured when the next time Dexter came back from VILE he had armloads of baby stuff from around the world.

Probably has a big extended family but after Dexter's death and Carmen disappears, she gets distant with them. After reuniting with Carmen though, accidentally runs into a family member with her and they're like "wait is that her?? She's alive??" and just like that Carmen has managed to acquire ANOTHER family lol.

Absolutely thrilled to learn Carmen wasn't alone all those years and immediately just adopts Zack, Ivy, and Player lol

Probably a little hesitant about Shadowsan at first, given that he was supposed to assassinate Dexter and did actually take her daughter to VILE, but eventually they're chill and he tells her stories of Black Sheep's antics. Meanwhile Carmen is in the background begging him not to lol.

I think once she got over her distrust of Shadowsan and got to know him, and sees how close he and Carmen are, she'd be glad that he was there for Carmen when Dexter couldn't be.

ARGHSH I have plans for them in many AUs lol. I'll get around to actually enacting em someday XD

[bogkeep]

last year i wrote my opinions on all the movies i watched on my Very Long Flights to australia, since long flights are a great opportunity to watch some movies i probably wouldn't have bothered to seek out otherwise. here's the stuff i watched this time around

the first 13 episodes of rurouni kenshin: okay so back when i watched demon slayer for the first time i asked around like "does anyone know any other Good Sword Animes. i'm in a big mood for Sword Anime" and a friend told me that they were going to tell me about THE sword anime, but with a BIG caveat. and the caveat was such that i went "ah yeah maybe i won't look into that one". i've since heard more about this series and been very curious about the story, because it sounds like My Shit. i figured in-flight entertainment is probably one of the more ethical ways to watch it, and i have confirmed that it is indeed My Shit. extremely skilled swordsman torn between his bloody past and a new life? he can win any fight, but at the cost of his soul? yeah. yeah. will say that the subtitles left in a lot of japanese terms and words that i think i would've greatly benefited to know the meaning of - like i figured it out from context eventually, but yeah. so Now I Know. at least my curiosity is sated.

the new wonka movie - it was Fine! i appreciated the sincere efforts of whimsy and trying to stick to a roald dahl-esque tone, though in hindsight it's ENTIRELY too magical and sugary sweet (hah). could definitely have done without the fatphobia - something that is very present in the source material, so i shouldn't have been surprised that it features in the prequel, too... it just made me go "nooo noooOooooo don't do that uuughhh noooooooooooooooooooo" a lot. honestly, as far as vibes go, this movie reminded me the most of the first f*ntastical beasts movie (you know, the one that came out in 2016, when we were still young and innocent) - like, decently charming, very cgi.

the old willy wonka movie - i had never seen this one before, and it provided me a lot of context for the New movie :') now THIS really hits the Unhinged Dangerous vibes the new movie lacked. easily the best played willy wonka. a grand old time. i <3 practical effects.

3/4ths of the barbie movie rewatch - is the barbie movie still fun to watch, even after a year of Essays and Takes? i think so. i was in a practical effects mood and had less than two hours left of my flight. like, it's The Barbie Movie. it will never be That Deep because it cannot escape its corporate mainstreamness, but i love the actual play-pretend whimsy and exorbitant amount of pink paint and funky outfits.

killers of the flower moon - i'd considered watching this on my previous flight, i had heard of the movie and put it on my to-watch list, but the THREE HOURS AND TWENTY SIX MINUTES runtime scared me off. not because i didn't have time (my flights were 12 hours and 7,5 hours respectively), but because i knew it was gonna be Heavy and Depressing and you gotta have the right mood for three hours of That. both of my flights had the exact same entertainment catalogues i gave it a try first thing on flight #2, knowing i don't have to finish it if i don't want. it was very good but oh boy heavy and depressing was correct! really good buildup of dread and despair as the web of murder closes in like water circling the sink. very good period piece, and everything i've read about it after indicates that martin scorsese worked very closely with the osage people to create this movie.

the lego movie rewatch - this is one of my favourite movies that i've seen many times but haven't in a while, and after the Three Hours And Twenty Six Minutes of indigenous people getting poisoned and murdered i REALLY needed something light-hearted. i was also severely sleep deprived at this point. all this to say that i was almost overwhelmed by how fun this movie is and kept tearing up at almost every scene. it's just such a good time!!!! my critique of this movie has always been that it has two tropes that annoy me - the "highly competent girl is reduced to an assistant for the clueless 'chosen one' dude" and "person who has changed their name goes back to use their ~*real name*~ because it's more valid than whatever they picked" - that only annoy me because of how prevalent they used to be at the time when this movie came out. in isolation, the story works really well and i still like it so so much. everything is awesome!!!!!!

anyway those are my movie thoughts

[lilliths-httyd-blog]

So I just watched Princess and the Popstar as part of my mega Barbie movie watch/rewatch. For reference, here's where it sits on my current personal tier list (I've seen more of them I promise, just not in a very long time). I feel that it's placement on my tier list is justified considering I feel the same way about it as I do Island Princess: two very good movies with just a few aspects which make me apprehensive about watching it twice (Tika. If Tika wasn't in Island Princess it would've been in yellow tier at least). I also didn't enjoy it as much as Diamond Castle or Three Musketeers, which are both films that came out in a similar timeframe to Princess and the Popstar. So, cyan-soon-to-be-green-tier-why-the-fuck-is-it-not-green-hold-on seems fitting.

I think y'all can tell that I like the Barbie movies.

Princess and the Popstar started off a banger (despite Princesses Wanna Have Fun being the bad kind of earworm - I hadn't watched the film in well over five years until today but that song was still getting stuck in my head every other week up until as of literally a few days ago probably). A nice little homage to Princess and the Pauper without totally ripping it off. Nice throwback to To Be a Princess there too, as a kid I hadn't seen Princess and the Pauper so I had no idea where the song came from or anything (literally I used to forget that the song was even in the movie) but as of today the original is literally my favourite Barbie movie ever so when I heard the opening lyrics I got... way too excited over this Barbie movie than I really should've. But yeah no the music in this damn movie is fantastic aside from the one song.

Tori and Keira were absolutely fantastic characters. They were VERY flawed but like can you blame them??? They're not even eighteen yet, they've both grown up in heavily restrictive environments (Keira having been performing since she was six and Tori acting out all the time as a result of the way she was brought up), have had such limited social interaction and have been taught to "never act your age" (act older than you really are) so it's totally reasonable that these girls are gonna fuck up and make mistakes and do stupid things (and hey they might be faking their identities but at least they're not committing identity theft pfffft). They don't have the wisdom of an average 17 year old yet but they're treated by everyone around them like they're so much older ESPECIALLY KEIRA (and yet she's the least impulsive one out of the two). Overall, I support womens wrongs. Genuinely listen to this movie's version of To Be a Princess, you'll absolutely get what I mean.

I still think that Serafina is superior to Vanessa but... Vanessa my beloved <3 Riff was not as fun but I love his name referring to a guitar riff while also being. Ya know. Dog.

My biggest complained about this movie is Crider's whole thing with the Diamond Gardenia like. If that whole plot hadn't been in the movie then it would've been so much better. Keep the whole drought thing for Tori's character development and whatnot, and make Amelia's whole thing about keeping Tori in line be about Amelia's Material Girl lifestyle and her not wanting Tori to find out about what kinda state the kingdom is in because "Vanessa, I'm a Material Girl" (make her an homage to best Barbie villain the Original Material Girl Preminger). Like girl does not want to give up her riches in order to help the populace. Do that instead of having an unrealistic magical diamond-growing plant and Basically Uncle Ian from Alvin and the Chipmunks having an unhealthy obsession with it... (the way he broke into the castle too like- those guards DESERVED to have their heads bonked with vases if that's how shit they are at their job).

To sum my thoughts up, I reckon this movie started off really strong but as soon as the Gardenia and Crider became a thing it began to very slowly fall off. A few changes could've made it so much better. Anyway it's nice to see that it wasn't as shit as I thought it would be, considering it was my childhood favourite :D

Also I stan Prince Liam. Dude was barely present, asked next to no questions and rolled with whatever out-of-left-field shenanigans were thrown at him and I support that. Also no forced romance or hinted feelings or anything, as far as I'm concerned he and Keira were just bros causing chaos together. Good for them.

[muffy-official]

I haven't fully developed Gabbys parents and I feel ashamed aaa

Her mother is Joanna Kamiński, Henrys sweet Joanna

Her father is Henry Theodore Garland(fine with being called both names, he's used to that)

Haven't really thought of their full looks nor designs yet, might try to develop that

I had ideas for further lore:

I lowkey forget names I have written down tbh

But her dad mayhaps worked at a newspaper office for a while

Unhappy with the censoring that happened there

Eventually stumbling upon a cleaning lady who seemed to never want to speak, being Gabs future mother

From using gestures he tried to speak for her until her English got better, shielding her from possible discrimination and eventually it clicked between the two

Him perhaps even quitting his old job to pursue journalism as a job rather than a hobby, with her mom she maybe waited a bit or went for simple jobs when she felt the employers were somewhat immigrant friendly

Eventually deciding they wanted a child together

Being nervous, but loving first time parents, probably that's why Babri was so sour when seeing a 6yo Gabby run to her worrying sick father. She had what he never got.

Joanna was also aware of the dangers Henrys job might bring and Henry himself feels awful about said dangers that could happen when he isn't careful

Even if they were loving, they grew more protective over eachother and especially their child due to Henrys semi freelance journalism he's been conducting on Murkoff and hoping, praying even the mob family that did caught up a journalist was here in New Orleans undercover in 46 won't find his families location in Colorado. Unaware it's Murkoff that will take both him and Joanna forcefully from their home in 1950 while Gabby was away. Henry getting beaten unconscious by masked men in the process while Joanna was injected with a anesthetic as she was about to hit one of the many men with a bust she picked up from a little table. The house was left in a mess, somehow nobody caught wind of what happened or perhaps people were forced to look away who knows...

Henrys love language to Joanna was trying to find polish vinyls they could listen and dance to together. Even learning words, backing her up and always being there for her. He loves her dearly, he loves his child, she loves her child. Helping her around the house and with the baby as much as he could, comforting Joanna when news struck that part if not most of their family has been captured, killed or gotten in trouble in Poland. Just unfortunate that Murkoff took them. Even if they didn't, the alternative wouldn't be any better.. who knows what Salvatore Barbi would've done to or with Joanna and little Gabby if he did get his hands on Henry himself if he ever discovered their house in Colorado one way or another.

Henry also has a birthmark under his right eye, Joanna on the lower left corner of her mouth which Gabby ends up having both visible on her face

Henry also tried to avoid serving as much as he could. He couldn't handle thinking about how Joanna feels or leaving their not yet born daughter without a father

Henrys father, Albert hated that his son fell in love and slept with a Polish immigrant, being in that hateful mindset. He decided to just not allow his father to show up ever again, not even to Gabbys birthdays. The kid was only at his place a few times when her grandma Mary Ann was still alive, which she was a sweet woman, embarrassed of her husbands hateful views, but would feel guilty leaving his son behind like this.

Gabby as a child was a very alive and happy little girl, kinda reminding me of Bioshocks little sisters

Even though she still had to deal with mean things due to her hair colour and generally acting a bit different than other kids around her and be careful to not make it shown her mother's a immigrant

Listening to her dads rules to not trust most suited men upfront that may be trying talking to her etc

Her mother telling her to stay away from cops. There was one instance where a 3yo Gabby quietly wandered off from her mother, almost leaving the store as she saw something colourful outside that peaked the toddlers interest, her path getting blocked by a police officer who looked at the child and asked where her parents are, but before he could take further action her mother quickly picked her up seeing this, pointed at herself and left, leaving the man quite confused. Joanna doesn't like speaking in public due to her accent.

And what messes with her years since the disappearance her parents happened is that she eventually accepted they're probably dead, but something feels off about this. Something feels like they may be still here, but she doesn't know where or its just her still staying in denial, not wanting to believe if they're truly long gone.

Ngl I do hope this makes at least some sense and I also hope it's interesting and not bad to read

Update: tried to do a idea sketch for Joanna, not sure if this is the one

It's kinda hard to design parents that resemble their child enough

[crimsonblackrose]

.

Miguel dream time. Look at our boy defending his title also trying to survive and come back to us, fighting for his life in his subconscious.

It's been 2 weeks. I also can't believe a reporter is allowed to talk about it from within the school. KVTL 3's Maria Michael's interviews concerned mom Liz Matthews, Leonard Johnson (local resident who brings up the fight at the mall), and Moon singing with some friends in a peace circle.

We don't have to punch, hey, let's go grab some lunch and be friends.

Johnny's spent 4 hours at Frankie O's bar and grill, whose staff uniform looks like Rugby polos. Which seems to be based off teh pins the staff are wearing an Italian themed bar and grill which is kinda funny. I cannoli You with a heart, don't get saucy with me, ask me about my huge meatballs.

Johnny doesn't want to pay for a light beer because he ordered banquets and thinks light beer is not cool. So if they give him the right tab he will pay and leave.

Like I get the, you're at a bar, we're going to watch a game. But to turn it to the game to watch one minute and then make fun of the news where a kid's in a coma and then leave after the one minute is just...rude.

Johnny just is looking for a fight, punching the guys window in. Bud, this is the guys car, he loves his car, like you normally do. This is dumb, but I also know Johnny literally wants to fight someone. Though this is also terrifying. Some drunk guy punches in your window, puts you in a choke hold and drags you out of your car. I know he wants a fight because he lets the guy go.

I also love Johnny's: Kicking your ass, (is too drunk and misses) oh shit.

Johnny's barbie meme:

Sam suspended for 2 weeks is probably for the best for her own safety as much as it sucks.

Stingray is on probation and not allowed within 500 feet of kids, which since last we saw him he was in a backroom with Kreese and a bunch of kids seems...shocking. Maybe they charged him with it later????

Omg hug not hits, Counselor Blatt are you Moons mom????

So you're solution is to hug kids? They would hug each other.

Karate footloose, yeah Daniel.

Who on earth would've said "bullshit I heard you were teh real bully?" Daniel literally was bullied. Who are you random person in the audience, I need names and background and to rant to you why you're wrong.

Sam was suspended because "She was tramping around with that other girls boyfriend."

Seriously who is the the gossip tree at this school? The answers are all wrong.

Again, it was an accident.

We have police officer Lou. I love the "drug addict, drug addict, holy shit, applebee's guy." Hey, fernandez how do you even know that Robby is Johnny's son. And how dare you say 'guess the garbage doesn't fall far from the truck."

Like Daniel's getting it bad because he taught Robby, but Johnny's getting it worse because it's his son who hurt his student, so he's getting it from both angles.

Johnny sticks up for Robby, "Robby's nothing like me." aka accepting he's garbage but not that Robby is. He's a good kid. And Johnny understands it was a mistake and that it shouldn't end Robby's future.

Fernandez being mean by lying that Miguel is dead, thus sending Johnny into a panic.

I just realized, Sam was expelled for 2 weeks, but according to the news reporter, it's been two weeks, so her parents went to the PTA the night before she was to go back to school to complain then? Come on LaRusso's go in as soon as they tell you and you know Sam is safe, why'd you both wait so long?

Eli, some day should take Sam to get a tattoo over her scars.

Day one round 2, does this mean all the kids who fought got 2 week suspensions?

How very Daniel of Demetri.

Aisha leaving and going to private school is such a bummer.

Moon: I feel bad for Sam her and Aisha were friends since they were little.

Moon, I'm not sure how Aisha feels about the fight, let alone about her Miguel getting kicked off a landing because both boys were fighting to stop her and Tory, Aisha's other friend, from hurting each other. Like Aisha tried to stop the fight and was ignored.

I don't fully understand the backpack security when the weapon in the fights were karate...like literally just the students bodies. It's definitely security theater.

Our LaRussos are at one of their other locations. Not North Hollywood.

Louie...really? It's really telling that he has to preface that it's not porn, like he just excitedly tells them hey look at this and it's inappropriate.

They rehired Louie and he was the first one to their door to help when Sam got hurt, which kudos to good uncle Louie. Louie hates the cranberry bagels,bought bagels for everyone, he also worked at Fat Sal's (a restaurant) over the summer where he learned everything about inventory. Dude leveled up after they fired him.

They are missing a 1993 Dodge Grand Caravan. Which is incorrect. Wrong car.

Robby stole a car and he had the gate codes. Louie: Why steal that shitbox.

Louie would've stolen a ferrari.

I guess Daniel and Amanda talked to lawyers about Robby's situation. If he turns himself in it's better than if the cops find him first, which would've been good I think for Johnny to know.

A+++ Bail Bonds is the company that got Johnny out. And dropped him off West Valley General.

Miguel is fighting, he needs his sensei.

Rosa talks to Miggy about the Dodgers and has her rosery.

Miguel is in ICU so Johnny can't visit. Caroline Wilson, the nurse, is not letting him through. The flirting is not going to work.

Robby ditched the LaRusso auto GPS. Smart kid

I am glad that Johnny ditches the fake a doctor thing when he clearly is too roughed up and in a mess to be a doctor let alone one with a name he can't pronounce.

Though the choice to injure himself to ensure he can see there and support Miggy...

It's interesting that Daniel thinks Robby would be at Mr. Miyagi's, because that's where Daniel would go and feel safe. However that last time Daniel interacted with Robby he chewed Robby out and pretty much gave the you're evil like your dad speech. So there's no way Robby would come near anything Daniel related other than the auto shop to steal a car that wouldn't be missed. It's no longer a safe comfort spot for Robby.

It is a comfort spot though for Sam.

Nurse we made need to keep him over night for this one thing. Johnny eh that's fine, but this big giant bruise on my back? That's bothering me.

It does suck that the person Miguel needed couldn't be there to help him that much. But kudos to Johnny for finding a way in to be there and to tell Miguel to keep fighting and to not give up.

There are two nurses super concerned for Johnny's health somewhere only to realize they've lost him.

Oof Daniel going to Cobra kai, he didn't get the memo that Kreese stole the dojo.

Kreese added: Fear does not exist in this dojo.

The return of the Kreese cut outs.

I like Daniel's 'the hell?"

Also I just realized that by losing the dojo, Johnny probably lost most of his trophies too.

That's new:

so are the sais and all the other weapons on the walls

The dojo is closed going through some renovations, aka weeding out anyone who won't study under Kreese and accept him as the new sensei. And of course, putting his face everywhere he can.

No wonder Daniel doesn't believe Johnny half the time. Kreese says Johnny's not there at the moment, but he'll be back. When in reality it's not Johnny's choice.

Kreese there is no Johnny and you.

The don't you ever answer your phone? Oh god what happened to you. I bumped my head.

ABOUT TIME DANIEL. You needed to loop Johnny in on stuff related to Robby like 2 seasons ago.

Also always here for them to team up.

MIGGGGYYYYY

[imagitory]

Barbie Review [SPOILERS]

Hi everyone! So my mum and I FINALLY got around to seeing Barbie (I swear, we would've seen it much sooner, had it not been for RL getting in the way!), and we both really enjoyed it. That doesn't mean we didn't have thoughts about it -- a LOT of thoughts about it -- so I thought I'd go ahead and write them all down in a proper review!

For those of you who want a short, spoiler-free analysis, I'd say the movie was a very entertaining and surprisingly thoughtful story that had a lot to say about gender politics, "girl power," and our patriarchal society, and although it sometimes was a bit too simplistic in how it approached those topics, that doesn't mean it wasn't still timely or meaningful.

For those of you who want me to dive in more deeply...here's a cut!

The Good!

+Speaking as someone who was never a Barbie girl or even a "doll" girl growing up (my favorite toys were figurine sets of my favorite animated movie characters), I can still testify that Barbie Land's whole aesthetic perfectly captured a "little girl" vibe. It was bright, plastic, nonthreatening, and very what-you-see-is-what-you-get. Up to a certain point, it has a very "Stepford" quality where everything is just like the day before and nobody is ever unhappy or angry, but it's still a charming and likable place. You can float off of buildings and down to the street below; you can go down slides instead of stairs; you can drive in a car that becomes a ship that becomes a rocket and then an RV. Everything is about friendship, solving problems that seem huge and dramatic with incredibly simple solutions, and finding joy in cute, everyday things. It's a bit shallow and vapid, yes, but it's never oppressive or sinister, and the inclusiveness of the many different kinds of Barbies and Kens -- not just racially, but in personalities, body types and abilities -- immediately communicates that anyone could belong in this world. (A theme that's explicitly stated later and reinforced when the discontinued Barbies/Kens and "Weird Barbie" are brought more into the fold.) Therefore you understand both why our main character wants things to stay as they are and feel investment in that world being saved, even despite its flaws. It also made for a perfect contrast between Barbie Land and the Real World -- when the two aesthetics collided, like when Barbie and Ken first arrive in Los Angeles, it was appropriately jarring.

+Our main Barbie herself!! Talk about a relatable character! The juxtaposition of her desire for happiness and "normalcy" contrasted with her anxious and depressive tendencies really makes for a funny and engaging protagonist. Her character arc was incredibly well-done, and I love that she came around to embracing humanity largely because of how much more...well, for lack of a better term, "real" things were in the Real World. The scene with Barbie in the park enjoying listening to the birds in the trees, laughing herself upon seeing two strangers talking and laughing together, and complimenting the old woman on her beauty was absolutely perfect. From what I've heard, director Greta Gerwig was pressured to remove that scene at one point, only for Greta to viciously refuse, claiming that if that scene was cut, she wouldn't "know what the movie was about" -- and you know, I can totally see why. It really pinpoints Barbie starting to understand that as shallow and pretty as her fantasy world is, the things that inspired it are even more beautiful, because they're not just plastic and manufactured. Instead they're natural, imperfect, warm, and alive.

+Can I also just add a bullet point celebrating that Barbie is not interested in Ken romantically and the movie makes that very clear not just in subtext, but in actual written text? I liked the struggle Ken had to deal with having feelings that weren't reciprocated, as well as Barbie just never having to engage in a romantic relationship, even after deciding to become human and theoretically grow up and grow old. She just never gives a shit about Ken or other guys or even romance overall at any point, and for someone who identifies with the "A" side of the LGBT+ community, that was so bloody refreshing. (Seriously, that whole scene where Ken tried to kiss Barbie good night and Barbie was just quietly like "nope"? I felt that SO HARD.) It's such a common thought process that media that focuses on friendships exclusively are inherently more child-like, especially ones with female protagonists, and it's always nice to see a film clearly made for adults with a female protagonist not feature the convention of our female and male leads being in a romantic relationship. It's especially nice considering that Ken's whole identity was wrapped up in "being Barbie's boyfriend," and shoehorning in a romance between them would've completely contradicted his whole arc of him learning who he is as an individual.

+There was some really, really good humor in this movie, especially once Barbie and Ken got to the Real World. My mum and I laughed a lot while watching this, not just quiet chuckles, but full belly laughs! A lot of jokes I saw in trailers and in fan art and gif sets online ahead of time, like Barbie and Ken getting arrested, but even the ones I saw coming were still hilarious in context. And the ones I didn't, I laughed SO hard at. The Depression Barbie commercial made me laugh so unbelievably hard. (Yes, I could see binge-watching the BBC Pride and Prejudice for the seventh time until I fall asleep on one of my bad days. Don't judge me.)

+There was also some excellent dance choreography in this too -- I can only imagine how fun this movie was to shoot!

+Good plot twist with it being mom Gloria that imagined up our Barbie, rather than her daughter. I saw it coming as soon as we saw Gloria at work with those costume concepts, but still, very good plot turn, and I like how her and her daughter's contrasting views of Barbie bumped up against each other while they helped Barbie escape Mattel.

+Oh yeah, and Gloria? GO OFF, GIRLFRIEND!! That whole monologue she did at Weird Barbie's house was so well-written and spot-on it hurt. Next time I encounter anyone who thinks men and women are treated equally, I think I'll just quote that scene.

+Speaking of Mattel, YES on having the board members all be men, and almost all white men at that. And YES on the movie for calling out both the tragic reality and absurdity of that.

+Adding onto what I touched on above, as much as I do have a few somewhat-nitpicky problems with how this film depicted "the patriarchy," it did overall really beautifully showcase the toxicity of it. In a day and age where women of all kinds are being targeted -- whether by restricting abortion rights and access to birth control, challenging women on their femininity in sports or even public bathrooms out of rampant transphobia, or otherwise -- this movie couldn't have come at a better time, and I love that a movie that so clearly embraced unabashed femininity is being celebrated so much.

The Not-So-Good...

+One thing I really didn't care for in this film was its use of music. I thought the shift from the music being largely non-diegetic (namely, something played as accompaniment for montages) to a staged, musical-style battle scene was incredibly jarring. As much as the campiness of the sequence was a little fun (the Grease references in particular made me grin), it did go on a little too long, and again, it felt like a sudden shift. I would've much preferred it if the film had either gone full-out in making itself a musical or just stuck to using music as a side element, rather than a focal point.

+As much as I understand the film was trying to make a point that superiority for any gender is inherently harmful to everyone, by having the Kens being quietly subjugated in the matriarchal Barbie Land the way women are in the Real World, I personally found that concept a little unpleasant in practice, because it plays into the idea that any victimized group would -- upon being treated with respect -- immediately turn around and want to subjugate others. It's not that I can't understand how Ken could get suckered into such toxicity, or even feel empowered, being in a world where people like him have power and autonomy...but it just made me really sad seeing him reacting so positively to being respected and represented, only to become an antagonist who turned all of his female friends in Barbie Land into mindless arm candy. Yes, incels exist and innocent men get suckered into that all the time, especially men who, like Ken, are desperate for romantic approval from a woman who is not interested in him...but considering that the film makes it clear that Kens -- unlike Real World men -- are considered as an "addendum" in Barbie Land and are second class in that society, the allegory feels a bit muddled. This isn't an issue of men growing up in a world where they're told to expect certain things -- namely, getting a great job without much effort, earning lots of money, "being the man of the house," "getting the girl," that sort of garbage -- and yet when they can't achieve all those things, they take it out on women because they can. It's become a story of a marginalized group turning around and marginalizing others...and honestly, I think that's what a lot of racists, sexists, whatever else fear above all else and why they're so desperate to keep their claws so tightly around what they see as "theirs" -- because they're convinced that the people they've victimized will want revenge against all of the groups that hurt them and victimize them just as much in return. That their victims are somehow just as self-absorbed, spiteful, and terrible as they are. And well...that's just not true! People asking for equality is not equivalent to them subjugating those who've subjugated them. Justice is not vengeance. And I can't help but feel this attempt at "putting the shoe on the other foot" loses the core of what makes "the patriarchy" and toxic masculinity so dangerous. Kens are not like men in our world -- they weren't raised with any idea except that they were "Barbie's boyfriend," much like how women in the Real World are treated. They're not privileged in the way that men in our world are. And the patriarchy is built on the back of privilege -- on the idea that having to share with others is somehow oppression against them -- not on the backs of people who feel like they've been silenced and want to be represented and heard.

+Perhaps it's also the idealistic, political side of me...but I really didn't like how the Barbies didn't take the knowledge of the unspoken privilege they'd had before over the Kens in their matriarchal society and use that to be more active in breaking down that old system after getting their minds back, rather than just make Barbie Land "like our Real World, except with Barbies in charge." Just because our Real World can't be that easily changed doesn't mean Barbie Land can't! Hell, Ken changed it into a misogynist dystopia overnight!! And after the film spent so much time accenting the importance of Kens and Barbies being their own people and not having to be defined by what they are, it seemed so horribly backwards to just go back to the old system with the Barbies overruling all the Kens' changes and taking all the power again. Couldn't we at least have all of them at the table for that vote and come together another way? Ken even admits toward the end that he didn't really even like the patriarchy idea much after realizing horses weren't so important -- couldn't we keep some of the horse stuff and just ditch the stupid mini-fridges and beer shots? Girls like horses too! Plus it would really dismantle the strict gender binary of Barbie Land overall and allow for more overlap!

+My biggest problems with this movie, though, actually come back to the ending, and they both have to do with this film's character arcs. The first problem I have is that the ending largely neglects all of the character's arcs that aren't Barbie's. The whole movie comes back to Ken discovering who he is and realizing he's "Kenough" -- okay, where's my spin-off project from Mattel, playing off of Ken's supposedly "super profitable" Mojo Dojo Casa House toy set? Where's his happy ending of Ken having dolls sold of him where he's just him, and that's cool? Why doesn't Ruth Handler bring up that Ken was ALSO named after one of her kids, HELLO, that would've meant SO much more to Ken considering his identity originally began and ended with Barbie!! (The real Kenneth Handler also came out as gay and tragically died of AIDS, for the record.) Where's Gloria's promotion, after putting forward her own ideas for new Barbies? Why can't she supplant the old CEO, finally putting a woman back in charge at Mattel after so long? Not to mention that Sasha's arc was kind of glossed over in this film, with her turning around on Barbie just by transitioning from the Real World to Barbie Land and little else.

+The second part of this problem is in the conclusion of Barbie's arc. There's a lot of focus in the script about how ideas are forever, but reality isn't: that people will eventually grow old and die and be forgotten. And that's really powerful! But when Ruth asks Barbie to take her hands so she can really understand what she's choosing when she chooses humanity, all the video footage we see Barbie experiencing is happy. There is no anger -- no sorrow -- no loss or pain. And so Barbie saying "yes" to that falls flat, for me. The whole crux of Barbie's arc is embracing the depth of the human experience, rather than Barbie Land's shallow recreation of it...but in the end, there is none of that depth, because Barbie doesn't choose a temporary human existence because she's come to see beauty even in fear, uncertainty, sadness, anger, and pain. She chooses humanity presumably because of the depth of human happiness, in contrast to Barbie Land's, and not even despite all of those more negative things, because again, it's not depicted in that sequence at all. And that felt like a real missed opportunity to me.

Overall, I found this movie incredibly entertaining. Considering I was never a fan of Barbie as a franchise, and yet I was never an active hater either, I honestly had had little interest in seeing this film until I heard such astonishingly positive feedback for it online...and yeah, I am really glad that I did finally get around to seeing it! It's definitely a very relevant and clever movie with some awesome humor and powerful themes, and even with the critiques I have about it, I couldn't be happier that it's getting the praise it's so clearly earned. Way to go, Barbie!

Overall Grade: B

[thelittlepalmtree]

Okay so I watched Days of Girlhood and I can kind of see why people are mad.

1) Dylan does not sing it well. The high pitched parts sound different. I would not have given her a song with that chorus.

2) Whoever styled Dylan could've done better. She looked incredibly pasty the whole time and every outfit she wore made her look super skinny her head look gigantic. The blonde wig did not help. If there had been more a-line dresses or just more of a flare to any of her outfits she would've looked a lot better.

The effect of these two things made the video seem very off. I also think the 50s aesthetic was trying to be barbie-esque but it came off more like edward scissorhands. The whole thing kind of assaulted my senses and honestly put me in an annoyed mood. And then when you actually listen to the lyrics, it's a lot easier to feel annoyed or take offense.

Are the lyrics bad or inappropriate? No, not really. But they aren't good. Most of the song is about drinking, shopping, or romantic contact but then the chorus says "these are the days of girlhood" which, I know is how Dylan describes her transition, but for like 99% of the population girlhood=childhood or even being an adolescent. It's a nostalgic time and I don't think the idea of girlhood being about the adult activities she describes was the best creative choice.

The other thing is she chose the wrong genre. If this had been more of a club song like songs put out by Paris Hilton and Ke$ha it would've made more sense. But it's rare these days to see this kind of bubblegum pop to be just about shopping, drinking, etc. Bubblegum pop in general isn't really in vogue. I feel like this song would've fit right in with Call Me Maybe, California Girls, or Shake it Off. And honestly, as a person who loved that time, I've also moved past it. It doesn't have an edge of authenticity. And those songs didn't really claim womanhood the way this one does. I think a lot of women have the experience of "types." A "California Girl" is a type. Those artists sold themselves as certain "types." I feel like Marina and the diamonds played into this aa lot with Bubblegum Bitch and How To Be A Heart Breaker. Songs made by women for women present men as a monolith and songs made by men for men present women as a monolith. This song was presumably one made by women for women but it presents women as a monolith.

And honestly, it's just not good. Like it isn't saying anything. There's not a single metaphor or anything. It really is just a list of activities and a chorus. And they're not even relatable. Retail therapy? In this economy? It is reductive and just boring.

Is the backlash fair? No, of course not. At the end of the day, it's just not a good song. It kind of gave me a headache watching the video. But that's not a crime. At the same time though, I feel like anyone would've gotten ripped apart for this song. Dylan is trans and it is a very dangerous environment for trans women. I know that definitely play a big part in this. The thing is, it absolutely shocks me that she didn't see this coming to some extent. Like...did she watch the video? Personally, I wouldn't have put that out if I were at the same risk she was. Especially because she has just gotten out of a huge transphobic controversy. Like the crazy people are watching you and waiting for you to fuck up and you put out a video that is sonically challenging, lyrically inane, and a complete visual assault and think "wow, no one's going to have any strong opinions on this at all."

Again being threatened, attacked, or experiencing transphobia is not okay. It's not. And I am sure Dylan and her team thought it was great when they put it out. I do think, that if you put your hand in a hornet's nest, you will probably get stung. Especially if you look like a haunted mannequin while doing it. And, to be honest, literally anyone would probably get the same amount of vitriol for that video. Do we not all remember lambasting Sabrina Carpenter and Joshua Basset for daring to respond to Driver's License? Do we not remember Rebecca Black? Do we not remember Tramp Stamps? This is the environment people are bringing new music into, this is the risk artists have to take on. And yes, Dylan is trans so she's getting transphobic responses, but all of those other artists were torn apart for their identities too. And everyone chastising the general public for being annoyed at bad music should have that same energy for all bad music.

[agender-witchery]

I wanna just. Ramble about things. Gender, and sexuality, and romantic orientations, and all the other ways we describe our marginalized ways of interacting with others. This turned out to be long as shit, so uh, under the break it goes.

I'm big on pushing against the "born this way" narrative. It served a purpose, once. It was used to gain legal rights. It was used to gain access to medical care. But I think, at this point in history, "born this way" doesn't really achieve those things. What more, I don't think it was ever true, it was just useful.

My gender, if I am giving someone a completely accurate full history for whatever reason that may be, is that I was born and assigned male at birth. My earliest memories of gender, and coincidentally my earliest memories period, are of me resisting this. This is like, 4 years old I'm talking. In fact, when it comes to my childhood, all of my clearest memories are about gender. Or Pokemon. One of the two.

At 4, pink was declared "a girl's color". But I loved pink. I didn't wanna let go of pink. But it was a girl's color, and everyone said I was a boy, so I guess red was okay. Then red became a girl's color, and I realize now in my late 20's that this is what the youth call "bullying". But I'd always been a stubborn kid, so I just went back to professing my love of pink. Even if I didn't know it was bullying, I did catch on immediately that the winning play for me was to simply not play at all.

Another "taboo of boyhood" at this age for me was being friends with girls. Which is what I did. All of my best friends at age 4 were girls. I was made fun of over that for a while, but you know, when you're a rad as fuck 4 year old who hangs out with the girls, eventually they stop bullying you and start protecting you. So that was cool.

Let's push forward a year or two. Ages like, 5-7. I had friends, and most of them were boys. But like... most of them also had sisters. It was still kinda taboo for a boy to be friends with a girl at this point, but I figured if I went to a friend's house who had a sister, I got to play with the girl toys. Sometimes I would have to put on this facade, acting like I wasn't interested in dolls and framing my actions as bullying. That was acceptable. But secretly, I just wanted to play dress up with the barbies.

One friend though? This friend was neurodivergent as hell. Lived right across the street from me too. I would go to his house to play, but he was so engrossed in video games that he would often completely ignore me. He had some cool games and a Dreamcast, and Chocobo Racing was fun, but watching him play Sonic could hold me for like 5 minutes. He had a sister though, so eventually I hatched the diabolical plan where I would go to his house and then immediately go play in the garden with his little sister.

I had another friend (who I was actually friends with) who was a middle child. He had two sisters, and I would play with his younger sister pretty often as well. The older sister was like 4 years older which is basically an adult at that age so I didn't talk to her much. Anyway, his little sister had an Easy-Bake Oven. I nearly fucking cracked. There was nothing I wanted more than an Easy-Bake Oven. I couldn't ask for one though, the man who called himself my father was a tyrant and would probably berate me for asking for girl toys. It would've been so cool though! I almost asked for one after my mom got her divorce, but I was 13 by then. I am absolutely pushing for my brother to get one for his kids though just so I can use it.

Anyway the point here is that, despite being AMAB and passively accepting the label of boy, I never identified heavily with that label. I didn't have the words for it for over a decade, but it's plainly apparent that the label I identified with was girl. And I stand by that, when I was born, I was a girl right from the start. Except I'm not a girl. Not anymore.

In high school, I started feeling a lot more genderfluid. Sometimes I felt boy, sometimes I felt girl. That was natural to me. I never told anyone. Didn't have a word for it. Some time in 11th grade, I started identifying as a trans girl. I don't know if having the word genderfluid would have changed that. I do have fond memories of getting home, playing MapleStory, logging in on my female character, and just... losing the feeling of being a boy.

So, to recap, up to this point, I went from feeling girl, to feeling genderfluid, to feeling girl again. Following? Good.

Anyway, ALSO in high school I had this thing called puberty happen, so I guess I also developed a sexual identity. Now, a big reason I didn't identify any particular way for most of my life with regards to gender is because gender wasn't part of mainstream discourse yet. But because people actually talked about gay people when I was in high school, I was able to develop a sexual identity. That identity was "straight" but I was mistaken in that identity. I have never been straight, I was merely misled to believe I was a boy. It was something of a rock though, so I clung to that identity for life.

However, while a rock may ground you, it also prevents you from moving. Early on in my transition, during the stage where I had to come out to myself before I could even formulate thoughts on the matter and come out to others, I actually never experienced distress at the thought that I might be a girl. There were movies that were weird about trans women, but I didn't watch movies that much and also a running trend through my childhood that you may have noticed is that I do not care particularly how I am perceived if I get to have fun.

Being GAY though? Heavens no. Being gay was BAD and SOMETHING TO MAKE FUN OF. I couldn't possibly be gay. So that means, if I was a woman, I would have to like men! But I didn't like men, at least not at that point. This was literally months of struggle for me. Once I just accepted that being gay is fine, actually, and my life would not be ruined, I merely cried myself to sleep over the fact that I had a boy body. That was an every night thing for like, a year. Maybe two. I wouldn't come out until I was in college. I had to do it twice, because when I told my mom "Hey, I'm a girl actually" she would always giggle when correcting herself after deadnaming or misgendering me and I straight up said "If you're not going to take this seriously, then don't bother with it at all". She apparently did not parse the anger there, so I ended up having to come out again like a few months later. I also told her not to tell anyone else and that I would come out on my own timeline. She told all her sisters, who I believe count as other people, but I may be wrong about this. I was not happy.

So now, at this point, I am a trans woman, I am a lesbian, this is my identity, and I assert to this day that I was correct in that identity at that time in my life. I also started hormones around this time, which is when I learned the magic of holding your boob for comfort.

I go through college. It's not working. My mom doesn't want me to get surgery until I'm finished with college. My father (my real father who cares about me, not the shit stain that lived in the same house as me for 13 years) convinced her that, hey, if my grades are suffering, maybe surgery will help me out actually?

So I got facial feminization surgery. This did not help my grades and I eventually dropped out, but overall this was a win because I had like half a diploma but I also had a very networked family so I could get a job just by having someone call in a favor. I'm now disabled and forever unemployed, but an attempt was made I guess.

Back to the surgery though. The immediate results are... well, they're puffy. I'd just had my face literally rearranged, so there was a bit of swelling. However, even once all the swelling had gone down... I didn't see a woman in the mirror. That was a big thing I struggled with, looking in the mirror and seeing a body that didn't reflect how I felt. And I thought FFS would fix that, that it would let me look in the mirror and see a woman. I have never seen a woman when looking in the mirror, not even in VRChat where I have a very unambiguously feminine body.

And that felt... normal? Correct, even. Because while I didn't see a woman, I also didn't see a man. I saw... nothing. I didn't see a gender at all. I started identifying more and more toward agender. I changed my pronouns from she/her to she/they. Eventually I dropped all pretense of a feminine identity and moved to they/them exclusively. This has been the way I've identified since, although nowadays I'm trying out it/its alongside they/them just to get a feel for it. Agender isn't even really an adequate descriptor for me, since I still view agender as a specific gender within common discourse. More accurately, I would describe myself as having no gender. It's an inapplicable concept to me and has no meaning to my life. That might change, but that's where I'm at right now.

So what we have, is an AMAB kid, who is a girl, who later goes on to have genderfluid feelings and incorrectly identifies as straight, who then later goes on to correctly identifying as a trans lesbian, and who past that correctly identifies as having no gender with a sexuality of girl-and-girl-adjacent-liker. This is not the end of the story.

Anyway, even while identifying as a trans lesbian, there was always the occasional dude-oriented person who I would look at and say "would fuck". To be clear, if I looked at someone who I thought was a girl, went "damn she's hot" and then he introduces himself as a trans man, I was immediately turned off. My lesbian exceptions were VERY specific and someone who'd been bathing in estrogen for most of their life to the point that they had to tell me they were a guy for me to know they were a guy was not reaching the physique I found hot in men.

This changed entirely when I started playing VRChat. I flipped the pansexual switch on so quickly, you have no idea. I still have stricter standards for men I find attractive vs women I find attractive, and the nature of VRChat means that there's a LOT of disconnect between whether I'm attracted to the person or the model. Ultimately there are a lot of weird new variables when you bring VR into the mix, but I maintain that I am solidly pansexual regardless.

But, hey, wait, I've actually skipped over something. I did that for a reason, don't worry, it's my romantic orientation. I'm quoiromantic, I think, I've only actively identified with it for about a year and I'm still figuring myself out. I'm certain I'm somewhere on the aromantic spectrum, and quoiromantic seems like an adequate word for what I experience, and truth be told, I'm not a massive pedant when it comes to the specific words used to describe me as long as the correct idea is conveyed, so I don't care too much about inquiring within myself as to whether quoiromantic is the best word for me.

But wait, if I've only been identifying as quoiromantic for a year, why is it something I've skipped over? Well, that's because 7 years ago, I read a webcomic. Goodbye to Halos. And this panel in particular resonated with me in a very particular way. I read the comments. A lot of people said "quoiromantic". I looked it up. It felt right. And then I buried it in the back of my head for 6 years because it didn't feel particularly important for me to identify on the aromantic spectrum at the time.

So, in total, I'm some person who was assigned male at birth, whose first conception of gender as it relates to themselves was "girl", who would later go on to feel a bit genderfluid and think they were straight, who would then go on to identify as a trans lesbian with some exceptions, and then I would move on to no gender with an ambiguous sexuality that can be described accurately as "hot boys only", and I would then identify as pansexual, and now I am exploring my quoiromantic identity.

The ONLY point in that entire sentence where I would say I was "wrong" is the part where I identified as straight. I passively accepted labels that others put on me, but that was them being wrong, not me. And so my gender has changed quite a few times over the course of my life. And my sexuality has changed a few times as well. And I fully expect my romantic orientation to go through a few changes before I find something comfy. Perhaps I'll find a new gender identity that feels comfy, or a new sexuality that feels comfy.

The point is that the person I am today is completely incompatible with the "born this way" narrative. And I shouldn't need "proof of girl" to get a vagina installation. I shouldn't have had to lie to get bottom surgery, because the truth is, I just didn't like the way my dick looked on my body. I don't believe I was lying when I first got hormones, but also, why the fuck did I need a medical diagnosis of "Gender Identity Disorder" to be taken seriously by doctors? Is my word of "Hey I feel like a girl, please give me the girl pills" not enough?

Also, if you've made it all this way to the end, please don't use ace tags for this post. I love y'all but I am very not ace and I am very talking about myself here.