#I just hit the fifth episode in season five

[miloisnice]

Guys I'm so sad Jouno died, does anyone have any fanfiction that are Jouno centric :'D?

[stevie-petey]

episode one: MADMAX

Steve is looking at Nancy so tenderly, and when he removes his sunglasses you see how much his eyes light up when she hits his shoulder and leans in close to him.  “I missed you,” Steve tells her, his voice soft and sensual.  It’s the way he says it that makes you want to run your hands through his hair, be the one in his arms as he kisses your neck and whispers how often he’s thought of you since you’ve been gone. You’ve felt his arms around you before, once. You know how securely he holds on, how his cologne lingers on your clothes long after he’s gone. You miss him, you miss everything. 

Summary: what does steve fear more ? you or the plague ? currently it's you, some guy with an awful mullet stares you down in the parking lot (gross), nancy invites you to a party from your nightmares, and you become an official unlicensed therapist for will. yay for junior year !

Rating: general, slight cursing

Warnings: fem!reader, use of y/n, descriptions of PTSD (slightly), swearing, and general angst and exhaustion

Words: 5.2k

Before you swing in: hello ! welcome back to the rewrite, hope yall are well :) heres chapter 1 of season 2 !!! so so so excited and ready to dive into this new season. things get a bit darker, feelings get even MORE complicated, and poor reader just really needs to take a fat nap and maybe some reassuring words. shes more angsty this season, so buckle up

-

October 29th, 1984

You originally gave Dustin the phone number to Bookstrordinary in case of any emergencies.

Now, you’re really starting to regret it.

For the fifth time this week, Dustin calls you at work to beg for money. Him and the boys recently started going to an arcade that’s opened up in town and have spent practically every day after school there this year. Sure, you don’t mind loaning your brother a few quarters, but at the rate he’s going he’s gonna drain your next paycheck.

Just as you’re thinking this, the phone rings.

Right on cue.

Alex, your coworker, smirks. “How much do you think he’ll ask for this time?”

“If I’m lucky, only a dollar.”

“Will asked me for three tonight, so I wouldn’t jinx anything.”

You gape at Jonathan, who has started hanging around your job after school just to have something to do. “No fucking way.”

“Way,” he laughs, pointing towards the phone on the counter. “Answer before Dustin sends a drone our way.”

You sigh and pick up the phone, which is on its second round of calling, and put on your best customer service voice. “You’ve reached Bookstrordinary, may I ask who is calling?”

“Don’t play dumb, Y/N.”

“Aw, I’m doing well tonight. Thanks for asking, Dustin.”

“I need five dollars.”

“Ya know, ‘please’ has such a nice ring to it.”

“... if I say please, will you give me the money?”

“No.”

Silence fills the other end. Alex and Jonathan are hunched together, trying to stifle their laughs. You send them a thumbs up, and they give you one back.

“You’re a horrible sister.”

“What!” You scoff at Dustin. “I think you owe me like, at least ten bucks now. Yet you don’t see me complaining.”

A loud groan, then an obnoxious scream. “I promise I’ll clean Mews’ litter box for a week straight if you just give me the money.”

“Tempting, and honestly I’d take you up on that offer, but I already spent my last paycheck on my Halloween costume. You’re outta luck.”

Dustin gasps. “You were gonna say no this whole time? You just wasted like, at least five minutes of my time! I could’ve been digging through the couch for coins by now!”

“Jesus,” you pull the phone away from your face as Dustin continues to shout. Jonathan lets out a loud cackle and Alex just shakes his head. “I can give you some money next week–”

The line cuts off. Dustin has hung up.

What a little shit.

“You remind me why I’m grateful I’m an only child.” Alex says, now walking from behind the counter to begin stacking some books. Technically your shift ended almost thirty minutes ago, but you and Jonathan prefer to hang around for a while. It’s rare to have some time with just the two of you (even if Alex is there as an unfortunate third wheel).

“Glad I can help.” You respond. Once he’s gone, you turn to Jonathan. “And you were right, Dustin indeed wanted more than Will’s measly three bucks.”

He laughs. “Figured as much. The look on your face was genuine disbelief when he asked.”

“Mhm, I’m scared these boys will turn into horrendous teens. The lack of gentlemen in Hawkins these days is astounding.”

“C’mon, I’d say I’m a gentleman. I mean, I’m riding on your bike pegs tonight to keep you safe.” Jonathan says, waving an arm in front of his body as if to present all his gentleman-ness to you.

“Sure, bee.” Although, he has a point. Joyce has the car tonight so she can drive Will to the arcade and Jonathan doesn’t like you biking home in the dark. After what happened last year, none of the Byers are particularly keen on letting their loved ones go off alone at night. So, to ensure your safety, Jonathan has started riding on your bike pegs all the way home.

It’s endearing really, wholly unnecessary, but endearing.

Jonathan flicks your nose. “Who else would be such a gentleman to you? Steve?”

Hearing Steve’s name sends a wave of varying emotions through you. Guilt, shame, remorse, longing. You miss him. You really, really miss him.

“I thought we agreed to stop talking about Steve.” You mumble, now busying yourself with a piece of paper on the counter.

After Will was found last year, you and Steve had gotten really close. He’d spend hours bugging you at work, he’d gotten you such a lovely Christmas gift that still hangs on your wall, and you’d grown close with him in a way you haven’t before with anyone else. He would’ve done anything for you, he cared about you with such genuineness, and you couldn’t handle it.

Summer came and the heat that came with it scared you.

You’d pushed Steve away, severed any connection you had to him. It was easier when you didn’t have to see him every day at school, but ever since junior year started, you’ve been in your own personal hell.

Steve walks past you in the halls without batting an eye. He doesn’t look your way, like the months you spent learning every inch of his wonderfully unique brain and the moles scattered along his face never happened; he doesn’t give you that smile that makes your knees weak. He’s avoided you like the fucking plague, which you can’t blame him for, but it’s only made things more awkward between him, Jonathan, Nancy, and you.

Jonathan sighs. “I’m sorry, bug. I just… he seemed good for you, ya know? I was actually starting to like the guy before you suddenly stopped hanging around him.”

You play with the piece of paper, hoping that if you don’t respond then Jonathan will just drop the subject, but a thought seems to cross his mind.

“Wait a minute. Steve didn’t like, hurt you or anything, right?” You don’t respond again and now he’s starting to get worried. “Y/N, I’m serious. Did he do something to you?”

The irony of the situation is so comical you want to laugh. Here Jonathan is, demanding to know if Steve hurt you and if that’s why you’ve stopped being his friend, when in reality it’d been Jonathan who hurt you. Jonathan, your oldest and dearest friend, is the reason you’re so fucking terrified of letting Steve in. Of falling in love with him.

You’re already in love with Jonathan, you can’t put yourself through any more hurt.

But fuck, you miss Steve. You’d come to rely on him and his obnoxious sense of humor that never failed to make you laugh. The way he so effortlessly filled the room with warmth.

“Relax, bee. He didn’t do anything. I just wanted to focus on Will and the boys more.” You lie through your teeth.

He gives you a funny look. “I know you care about the boys, but you know they’d want you to have some other friends.”

“I have you, that’s all I need.”

It’s all I can afford.

“Bug, I’m worried about you. You’ve all but thrown yourself into school, you work non stop here, and when you finally have some free time you’re spending it researching child psych for Will–”

“Just drop it, Jonathan!” You finally snap at your friend.

He stops, surprised by your outburst. He can see the angry flush in your cheeks now and the slight heavy breathing you do to try and calm yourself down. Jonathan drops his shoulders, defeated. He’s been worried about you ever since junior year started. You’re more withdrawn, you look like you haven’t slept at all, and now you don’t even feel comfortable telling him what’s been bothering you.

All Jonathan knows is that one day you were glowing while telling him a story about Steve and his stupid jokes, then the next day you looked frail and sickly as you told him that Steve was no longer visiting you at work.

Something happened between you two, he’s just not sure what or how to even help.

For once, Jonathan is at a loss.

–

“And then she chased Mike all the way down the street for her money! He got away!” Jonathan finishes his story with a grand flourish, laughing and hitting his steering wheel as if it’s the funniest thing in the world.

You let out a weak laugh, exhausted from the night before. It’s early morning and you’re in the school parking lot, hanging in Jonathan’s car as always, and you feel like utter shit. You stayed up late last night reading this journal you’d found in the school library about acute trauma in children. It had been fascinating and there were some things you thought could apply to Will. Before you knew it, it had been three in the morning and you needed to be up soon for school.

Which leads you to now: slouched in the passenger seat, sunglasses over your eyes to block out the annoying sun, tiredly listening to Jonathan’s recounting of his phone call with Nancy from last night. Apparently they’ve progressed to nightly phone calls now.

Lovely.

Without meaning to, your eyes start to drift shut. The car is the perfect cozy kind of warm and the late October air wraps around you as if to lull you to sleep. Jonathan notices you’ve gone quiet and pokes your cheek.

“If you fell asleep I’ll tell your mom and she’ll put you back on house arrest.”

You slap his hand away. “Don’t do that, then she’ll just ban me from your house.”

“You were up all night researching again, weren’t you.”

“If you have to ask, then that’s probably your answer.”

“Y/N–”

You put a finger up, using your other hand to rub at your temples. A headache is forming and you’re three seconds away from just skipping first period to nap in the car. “We aren’t doing this again. Drop it.”

Jonathan rolls his eyes. “I’m your best friend, it’s my job to worry about you–”

“And it’s my job to tell you to fuck off whenever you’re getting on my nerves–”

Suddenly a loud blue camaro comes speeding into the school parking lot, effectively drowning out whatever you’d been saying to Jonathan. The car revs its engine and almost hits a few students as it jerks its tires and then screeches to a halt, parking right next to you guys.

You and Jonathan look at each other.

“What the fuck?” You look out your window and are greeted with the sight of an attractive blond guy staring at you. His music is blasting so loud you can hear it through Jonathan’s windows.

“Jonathan,” you whisper, getting his attention. “Am I really tired or is there a guy with a god awful mullet staring at me right now?”

“He’s real.”

“Cool.” You continue to stare at the guy, unsure what to do. You’ve never seen him before, there’s no way you’d forget a face like that in Hawkins. He’s attractive, almost unappealingly attractive, and there’s a coldness to his beauty that makes you uncomfortable. He looks dangerous, like he knows how much power his beauty brings him.

The boy winks at you, a lit cigarette dangling from his mouth, and then gets out of the car, slamming his door rather harshly. It’s then that you notice the redhead girl, much younger than him, possibly around Dustin’s age, getting out of the car as well. She slams her own door and doesn’t even spare the guy a glance as she drops her skateboard down and rides towards the middle school across the parking lot.

Meanwhile the boy saunters inside, a lazy pace in his step that also holds immense confidence. He’s cocky, cool and collected, and he takes one last look around, as if to survey his new claimed battleground. You notice a few of your classmates gazing at him with interest, which you don’t really understand. He’s hot, but his attitude alone tells you everything you need to know about him.

Once he’s gone, Jonathan finally speaks. “Who was that guy?”

“No clue,” your eyes linger on the doors he’s just walked through. There’s something off about him. “But I don’t think we want to know… C’mon, if we don’t head in now we’ll be late for our first class.”

–

During your lunch period everyone’s buzzing about some upcoming Halloween party. As you’re walking towards your locker with Jonathan, you notice a few pieces of orange paper being passed around. You don’t pay much attention to them, but when Nancy joins you two she eagerly takes a few from the girl passing them out.

Nancy playfully shoves the papers at you and Jonathan. “You guys are totally coming to this.”

“We are?” You ask, eyeing the flyer wearily. You have nothing against parties, but the thought of being surrounded by a bunch of drunk teenagers in horrible costumes is frankly terrifying to you.

“You sure are, Y/N.”

“But Nancy–”

“‘Come and get sheet faced’.” Jonathan reads aloud. “Yeah, Nance. I think we’ll pass.”

Nancy groans. “I can’t let you guys sit all alone on Halloween. That’s just not acceptable.”

“Actually,” you correct her, annoyed by the assumption, “we have a tradition with the boys. We take them out every year to trick or treat and it’s always been fun. We won’t be ‘alone’.”

“No offense, Y/N, but spending Halloween with a bunch of middle schoolers isn’t much better.”

You make a face and look over at Jonathan for help, but he shrugs. “You gotta admit, it is kinda lame.”

“I can’t believe you’d betray me like this–”

Nancy smiles at this. “See? Plus, I doubt trick or treating with the boys will take all night. You’ll be home by 8:00, and Jonathan will be listening to the Talking Heads and reading Vonnegut or something, while you, my dear Y/N, will be baking a fresh batch of cookies and throwing away all the candy corn you find.”

“Sounds like a nice night.” Jonathan responds, and you nudge your shoulder with his. It does sound like a nice night, one you’re looking forward to.

“I forgive you for your earlier betrayal.”

“Guys!” Nancy stops at her locker now, slight frustration in her voice. “Just… Come on! I mean, who knows? You guys might meet someone and–”

Her words are cut off with a squeal as she’s suddenly lifted in the air and spun around, Steve having snuck up behind her. Nancy now puts all her attention on him, he has his arms wrapped low on her waist and he’s wearing sunglasses inside like some idiot, and your heart hurts. He looks good, too good.

Steve is looking at Nancy so tenderly, and when he removes his sunglasses you see how much his eyes light up when she hits his shoulder and leans in close to him.

“I missed you,” Steve tells her, his voice soft and sensual.

It’s the way he says it that makes you want to run your hands through his hair, be the one in his arms as he kisses your neck and whispers how often he’s thought of you since you’ve been gone. You’ve felt his arms around you before, once. You know how securely he holds on, how his cologne lingers on your clothes long after he’s gone. You miss him, you miss everything.

Steve, as if sensing what you’re thinking, risks a look at you. Your eyes meet his and for a brief second no one else exists anymore. It’s just you and him in the small Hawkins high school hallway, where he’s yours again in a way that’s clouded with “almost” and “not enough”, and you want to tell him how lovely he is and how horrible you feel for hurting him, but then he diverts his gaze and focuses back on Nancy and you’re thrown back into reality.

He isn’t yours. Hell, he isn’t even your friend anymore, and you’re the one to blame.

Once Nancy and Steve start kissing, you share a disgusted look with Jonathan and silently agree to leave.

“Young love, huh?” Jonathan jokes bitterly when you’ve left them behind.

“I hate it.”

And you do.

You’re really starting to hate this whole “love” thing.

–

The only highlight so far this school year has been you and Will growing even closer. When Jonathan told you that Will started seeing the Hawkins Lab people for treatment and to see how he’s been recovering, you pulled Joyce aside later that night to ask if it’d be okay if you spoke with Will yourself. Since everything that happened last year, you’ve only become more interested in psychology, and you’d be lying if you said Will wasn’t an interesting case study.

You told Joyce that you’d been doing your own research, reading journals upon journals, and she made you a deal. You could help Will as long as you also took care of yourself, that you wouldn’t place an even heavier burden upon yourself. Of course you agreed, promising her you wouldn’t, and that’s how your weekly chats with Will began.

Jonathan had been against it at first, telling you that you didn’t have to worry about Will because you already do everything else for the kids. You told him you could handle it, and secretly you liked helping Will because you were able to pour all your anxiety and complex feelings for Steve into research and studying. It was a win-win in your eyes.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Waters had been extremely understanding when you asked for Wednesdays off. After all, you’d been working at Bookstrordinary for almost three years now, so she was quick to make the accommodation.

Now here you are, another Wednesday spent at the Byers’ home. You’re sitting with Will in his bed, the both of you quietly scribbling with his crayons. You’ve learned that he’s more receptive if you draw with him, if you take your time.

“How was Dr. Owens today?”

Will pauses mid-scribble. “Fine.”

“Just ‘fine’? Nothing else?” Your head is down so he doesn’t think you’re studying his reactions, but you keep an eye on him anyways.

“Yeah. I told him about my latest episode.”

“You had another one? Would you like to tell me when?”

Will thinks for a moment, and you tell him that he of course doesn’t have to say anything if he doesn’t want to.

“Last night. I was back in the Upside Down… and there was this… this thing.”

Now you stop drawing. “Like the monster we killed last year?”

“Different,” he shakes his head. “This thing was evil.”

Will’s eyes are darting everywhere around the room, and you can see his growing unease, so you decide to put the topic to rest for now. Clearly the episodes are getting worse, scaring him more, so you shift gears.

“Okay, I believe you. I’m sorry for the episodes, but besides them how have you been feeling? Is school getting any better?” Earlier this month Will had confessed to you about the kids in school calling him “zombie boy” and treating him like a freak. You did your best to comfort him, and once you finished your chat with the boy you’d gone to Joyce to let her know.

Will sighs. “School is… school.”

You reach out and move some hair out of Will’s face. “I’m sorry, little bee. Middle schoolers are idiots, they’ll never understand how much you went through. I mean, I had to face that monster for only about twenty minutes. You had to hide from it for days, so you’re honestly incredibly braver than me.”

This gets a smile out of Will, which you’re relieved by. He’s been quiet lately, more closed off, and you’re worried that with the one year anniversary coming up, his episodes will only get worse.

A knock on the door, and then Jonathan pokes his head in. “Hey, guys. Mind if I join?”

“Actually, I think I should go. Bob’s been begging me for my cookie recipe, so I’ll leave you two alone.” You send a look Will’s way, a you better talk to your brother about this look, and he weakly nods his head.

As you walk past Jonathan out the door, you lean in close to Jonathan and whisper, “he’s struggling at school. Be gentle, kids can be fucking awful.”

He nods and squeezes your hand, silently thanking you, and you close the door behind you. While you want to help Will, make sure he’s adapting well, you also recognize your limits. He’s not your brother, Jonathan is, and you know he’ll be more open with him.

Joyce is in the kitchen with Bob, making some popcorn over the stove. He’s filming her with his ridiculously large camera and you can’t help but smile as you watch them. Joyce looks so happy around the guy, laughing more than she’s laughed in the last five or so years you’ve known her. She deserves this, she deserves a guy like Bob. Sweet, slightly silly, but good.

When Joyce sees you lingering in the doorway, she waves you in. “Hey, honey. Any luck with Will tonight?”

“A bit, he told me some of what’s happening at school. He still seems… off, but at least he was opening up. It’s a good sign.”

Joyce hums, but you can sense that there’s more on her mind. You look around to make sure Bob isn’t near, he’s busy digging through a cabinet to find a clean bowl, so you move closer to the woman and lower your voice. “What did Dr. Owens say this time?”

“Claims we need to just pretend everything is okay, despite the fact that it’s getting worse.”

There’s an edge in Joyce’s voice, so you’re careful with your words. “Well… I think he’s right.”

“You do?” Joyce turns to you, her voice loud with surprise, before she quickly remembers Bob is near and lowers it again. “Why do you think that?”

“I was up late reading a new journal I found about acute trauma in children. It’s been almost a year since Will disappeared, he spent days in complete fear, almost died… I mean, it makes sense that his body is remembering those traumatic effects.”

“So you think we should just leave Will alone, let him suffer through his episodes without any help?” There’s more confusion and fear than anger in Joyce’s voice, and you rest your hand against her arm.

“I know it seems counterintuitive, but the best studies we have all show that we have to let those who suffer from post-traumatic stress adapt at their own pace, through their own ways. They hate feeling pitied, and I have a feeling Will is starting to as well.”

Joyce turns the stove off and shakes her head at you. “You sound like Hop. I thought you hated the guy.”

“I don’t hate him,” you chuckle, now helping the woman peel off the foil and sprinkle some salt onto the popcorn. “He just reminds me too much of my dad, and we all know how that ends.”

“Well if you ask me, I think it’s because you two are so similar.”

You gasp. “How dare you!”

Joyce laughs and the seriousness from the previous conversation dissipates. Bob finds a clean bowl and together you and him pour the fresh popcorn in as Joyce prepares the drinks. They’re having a movie night together, and you want to cry because of how adorable it all is. Joyce deserves this.

“You know you’re welcome to join us tonight, Y/N. It’s Will’s turn to choose the movie.” Joyce tells you, but you politely decline.

“Normally I’d love to, but I should get going. I have some homework and I promised Dustin I’d bake him some Halloween treats.”

“Oh!” Bob turns to you. “Speaking of, you promised you’d give me that recipe of yours!”

You and Joyce share an amused look. “You caught me, I did. I’ll write it down right now and you have to swear that no one else will look at this. Deal?”

Bob nods, ecstatic, and you grab a piece of paper and quickly scribble down all the ingredients he’ll need and how to make the cookies. Joyce watches fondly, and you fill with warmth having pleased her. When you’re done, you hand the paper over to Bob and make him cross his heart, just to be extra sure he won’t reveal all your secrets.

“Scout’s honor!”

“Very good then, soldier.” You salute him, and then pull Joyce into a hug. “I really gotta go now. Can you tell Jonathan I said goodbye?”

“Of course, bike home safe, alright?”

You wink at her. “Scout’s honor.”

Bob lets out a loud cackle and you can’t believe that this guy is real, but Joyce is laughing along with him and you’re pleased she’s found someone as endearing and kind as him.

–

As soon as you get home you throw down your backpack and bunker down at the kitchen table. Your mom isn’t back from work yet and Dustin seems to be off somewhere doing god knows what, so it’s just you and Mews for now.

Mews plops herself on the table next to an essay you’ve been working on and you scratch her head as you work. You get lost in your writing, humming softly to yourself, enjoying this small moment of peace.

You won’t admit this to Jonathan, but he’s right. You’ve been overworking yourself, your body aches and your eyes droop with exhaustion almost every day now. But keeping yourself busy is what’s helping you stay afloat. The more you pile onto yourself, the less time you have to think about Steve and his stupid smile and stupid hair and stupid face.

In the middle of one of your sentences, Dustin flings the front door open and scares you. “Jesus, dude!”

He doesn’t spare you a glance, but when he sees Mews on the table with you he suddenly looks a bit alarmed. “Mews is here?”

“Yeah…? She’s helping me with this english essay.” You respond, confused.

“Huh,” Dustin thinks for a second, but seems to shrug it off. “Anyways, I’m home.”

“I can see that.”

“Are you gonna ask about my day?”

“How was your day, my dear brother.”

Dustin hops onto the table and shimmies his shoulders. “I met a girl.”

“What?” You drop your pencil in shock and Mews scatters, your exclaim having frightened her.

“Don’t act too surprised, geesh.” Your brother rolls his eyes, but then he frowns. “Actually, technically speaking I haven’t met her yet, but–”

“You have a crush?” You’re in shock. In your eyes, Dustin is still a baby, no older than six years old. And yet here is he, thirteen and talking to you about a girl.

“Yes, Y/N. Her name is Max, she has red hair and is new, and she’s totally awesome.”

Red hair? You remember seeing that girl in the parking lot earlier today. “Was she with that weird new guy, the one with a mullet?”

Dustin nods, so you poke him in the stomach and ooh at him. “I saw her this morning, she was prettyyyy.”

He shoves your finger away and blushes, which you find adorable. Dustin’s first ever crush, you can’t believe how old he is now.

“Yeah, she’s pretty, but she’s also just awesome. I think she’s the one with the new high score on Dig Dug.”

“Dig Dug?”

Your brother scoffs. “The arcade game the party always plays? Honestly, do you not listen when I tell you about my days?”

“Alright, fine. If you can remember what I told you I did yesterday, then I’ll apologize for not listening better.”

Dustin closes his mouth, unable to recall a thing.

“Mhm, that’s what I thought.” You flick his hat. “Anyways, since you officially like girls now, I’ve been dying to give you some girl advice.”

“Y/N–” Dustin groans, but you shush him.

“First things first, always be a gentleman. Max does indeed seem cool, but I’m sure she’d appreciate a nice and polite young man like yourself.”

Dustin nods. “Okay, be kind. Got it.”

“Good. Now secondly, we Hendersons are charming people, so just be yourself.”

“Duh,”

“Lastly, if she shows interest, tell her how you feel. Better you’re honest and true about how you feel rather than hide it and sulk.”

Dustin snorts. “Says you.”

You look away from him, slightly hurt. “I don’t know what you mean by that.”

“C’mon, Y/N. When are you gonna tell Jonathan you love him? I mean, everyone knows you do, it’s about time you confess.” Dustin drones on, unaware of your hurt feelings. “And he’s obviously in love with you, you guys are disgusting to be around–”

“He doesn’t love me back.” You whisper, looking down at your paper. You feel pathetic, confessing this to your little brother.

Dustin freezes, now realizing you’ve gone quiet. He can feel your mood darken and he feels like shit for not noticing it sooner. He’s upset you. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I thought he did, I mean the party and I all assumed…”

His words fade off, and you want to crawl into a hole and never come out. It’s embarrassing, you shouldn’t be pitied like this by your brother. “It’s okay, I know what you meant.”

“Y/N–”

You get up from the table and gather your things, shoving them into your backpack. “I’m gonna finish up this essay in my room, then I promise I’ll start baking those marshmallow puffs you like–”

Dustin jumps down from the table and blocks you from leaving the kitchen. “Jonathan is an ass–”

“Language–”

He doesn’t let you interrupt. “You’re cool, he’s stupid, and I’m here for you. Alright? Don’t make me pull a code blue on you.”

You wrap your brother into your arms, something he hadn’t been expecting, and allow yourself a small laugh. “No need for a code blue, I promise. Just, give me like an hour to sulk and then I’ll be as good as new. Okay?”

When you pull away, Dustin eyes you, but understands he won’t win this argument. The two of you handle your emotions the same way: alone, in solitude, away from prying eyes. He knows you just need some time to yourself, but he still feels like a jerk for upsetting you in the first place. “Fine, but if you’re sulking later I’ll flick your nose.”

You flick his nose and then quickly flee to your room, Dustin not far behind you. “Flicked you first!”

“Not fair!”

You slam your bedroom door and giggle as you lock it. Dustin bangs on the door, but you can hear the amusement in his voice. You tell him you’ll be out as soon as you’re done with your essay, and then go and sit down at your desk. Sighing, you dig into your bag and pull out what you need. Without meaning to, you look up and see your Spider-Man poster, your wonderful Christmas gift from Steve, hanging in front of you.

The small joy you’d been feeling vanishes.

The poster stares back at you, you can almost hear it calling you a pathetic coward, and you feel guilt claw at your throat. You close your eyes, remembering the cold from that winter day, and you can almost smell the cologne Steve had been wearing when you’d thrown yourself into his warmth. Sometimes, if you sit still enough, you think you can feel the ghost of his embrace.

You open your eyes.

Steve isn’t here.

Of course he isn’t here.

You exhale, feeling the familiar ache and exhaustion within you; junior year is looking quite grim.

-

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[immaturityofthomasastruc]

IOTA Reviews: Collusion and Revolution

Well, the final confrontation with Lila was a bust, but maybe Chloe's swan song will be bett----HAHAHAHAHAHA! Sorry, I couldn't even finish that sentence without laughing.

Let's get into the twenty-second and twenty-third episodes of Miraculous Ladybug's fifth season: Collusion and Revolution

“Collusion” starts off with... oh, for God's sake... Gabriel monologuing to Emilie's body for the umpteenth time, only now, we see just how bad his Cataclysm wound has gotten, now making his entire hand black.

Marinette and Adrien wake up and we get a pretty cute scene of them talking on the phone while getting ready for their respective days. Afterwards, Gabriel talks with Adrien about being sent to London, and is somehow aware that Adrien hasn't told Marinette yet. Even when Gabriel tries to use his ring to keep Adrien under his control, Adrien still shows signs of resistance.

Later at school, Chloe walks up to insult Marinette and Adrien as usual, but Marinette has a little rebuttal of her own.

Marinette: Be mean while you still can, Chloe. I'm gonna let you in on a secret. Remember your friend Lila who used to hurt everyone with her lies? See her anywhere in this classroom? No, because I put a stop to her nastiness and I'll do the same with you!

Yeah, and you were only able to do so because one of Lila's minions decided they didn't like being evil, and had no plan of your own prior to that.

It's revealed that not only is Lila (I'm not calling her Cerise to make things easier for myself) still in contact with Chloe through their Alliance rings, she also somehow got her own supervillain lair. How did she set up here, much less find the resources to do so? You guessed it, never explained!

And yeah, let's just get this out of the way. I hate what they're doing with Lila here. For reasons I'll get to in a later review, it's clear that there had to be some changes made so Lila remains a key player, even after the events of “Confrontation”, so they decided to make Lila manipulate Chloe as part of her plans. For a pair of episodes that are meant to show Chloe at her absolute worst, it devalues her status as a villain if she's just going to be used as a glorified attack dog for bigger threats like Lila. Remember, we've seen Chloe come up with her own plans before (Mr. Pigeon, Dark Cupid, Darkblade, Kung Food, Antibug, Despair Bear, Zombizou, Frightningale, Queen Wasp, Queen Banana, Gabriel Agreste, Penalteam, Determination, Derision), and we know she's not a complete idiot. She doesn't need Lila to hold her hand and tell her what to do to get what she wants. I get that it's supposed to be ironic that Chloe, for all her bluster, is ultimately a pawn in a larger scheme, but it just doesn't gel with the whole “irredeemable monster” stuff the show has been going with whenever Chloe has been on screen for the past two seasons. You could easily take Lila out of these episodes and not much would really change.

During class, Chloe makes a scene by blasting some music and dancing on her desk, and we get what has to be the most unrealistic thing this entire show has done for the past five seasons: Assuming kids still care about school when the year is almost over.

Rose: Chloe, quit it! We wanna hear the lesson, we care!

When Ms. Bustier tries to send Chloe to the principal's office, Chloe calls Ms. Mendeleiev (who is the new principal after Mr. Damocles resigned), and essentially forces her to change the rules to music is allowed. After Chloe taunts Ivan, just as Marinette tries to stop Ivan from hurting her, she uses the opportunity to frame Marinette for hitting her. Oh, sorry. I mean Lila uses the opportunity to tell Chloe to frame Marinette for hitting her.

In the principal's office, Ms. Bustier tries to reason with Chloe by showing her the present she got her all the way back in Season 2's “Zombizou”.

Ms. Bustier: Chloe, do you remember this gift you gave me on my birthday? To me, that is proof that you're a fragile teenager who doesn't know love and is simply looking for attention. And... we all tried to help you. So, please, whatever it is you want, ask yourself if it's worth all the suffering you're causing.

Chloe: Did you hear that? A homeroom teacher using a student's feelings to blackmail her. This is inappropriate, utterly inappropriate! My father, the mayor, would never tolerate this in a school.

Remember kids, FUCK showing compassion to your enemies! Everyone knows Gandhi was a loser anyway.

The negative emotions attract an Akuma to Ms. Bustier, but she manages to resist Monarch's influence for now. Monarch transforms back into Gabriel, who has a meeting with Tomoe and Andre to discuss the state of Paris' law enforcement.

Tomoe: Your policemen mostly get paid for doing nothing. It seems that Ladybug and Cat Noir are the ones who have been enforcing the law in Paris the last few months, wouldn't you agree?

Because I guess Ladybug and Cat Noir have also been stopping drug rings off-screen or something.

Chloe storms into the office, and even though Lila has no idea what's going on, she tells Chloe to record the conversation. Once again, Lila has to tell Chloe just how to be mean and selfish while she chews out Andre, and that if she was the mayor, she'd ban superheroes, right before Chloe learns Adrien is going to London next year.

After a scene that's only there to remind the audience that Adrien hasn't told Marinette about London yet, we see Gabriel talking with Andre about replacing Paris' police force with robots... even though this should really be more a discussion for the commissioner. I guess the writers didn't have enough money for a commissioner model because they had to allocate resources for Ms. Bustier's baby bump.

Andre: Seriously, Gabriel, what's this whole police robot idea all about?

Gabriel: Have I ever offered a single bad idea to you, Andre? We've always helped each other, haven't we?

Andre: Remember when we were young and penniless? When Emilie, you and I would make the world right from our little attic room? You made me my very first suit so I'd feel confident and Audrey, whom I'd fallen in love with, would finally notice me? Don't you think we were much happier back then? That our lives were more beautiful, more fair?

Gabriel: Come on, you have everything to be happy, Andre. Your wife, your daughter, Paris City Hall...

Andre: A woman who barely respects me, a selfish, heartless daughter, and a City Hall that I never wanted. I only got into politics like dad to impress Audrey, you know that.

Gabriel: I have no idea what you're talking about.

Andre: Look at me, Gabe. All my life I've lied, I've cheated and I've abused my power. I used to be a dreamer, an artist, I wanted to make movies! Now I've become a tyrant in servitude to my family and friends...

Aw, poor baby. Did someone condition their daughter to develop an entitlement complex while refusing to divorce your abusive wife?

I'm sorry, but I don't feel bad for Andre at all here. While I'm happy to see that the show is trying to teach kids that male mental health is important too, it doesn't really earn him a lot of sympathy considering a lot of this is his own fault. Sure, we don't know what Audrey was like when they were younger, and she could have gotten worse as time went on, but considering how rich he is coupled with the fact that Audrey spends most of her time in New York, he doesn't really have much of an excuse to not divorce her. As for Chloe, he has even less of an excuse, since he was responsible for her upbringing. He spoiled her rotten, he refused to properly discipline her, and he failed to teach her the slightest bit of humility. I'm willing to accept that Chloe is a lost cause by the show's standards, but I can't accept the fact that Andre had nothing to do with how she turned out. He's as much of a failure as a parent as Gabriel is.

As Lila somehow finds where the two are talking so she can overhear their conversation, Gabriel secretly records Andre, altering what he says to make him look bad. While I can't exactly describe it through text, this clip from The Simpsons should summarize it.

Ms. Bustier sees the video of Andre, and this time, she fails to resist an Akuma, turning into Wonder Woman—I mean, Miss Sans-Culotte.

Miss Sans-Culotte has a okay design. I like how it's meant to have a more patriotic theme with the color scheme, and the fact that it's based off some of the people in the French Revolution, aptly named the Sans-Culotte, is a nice way to teach kids about history. The problems I have are the golden armor, which goes against the fact that was previously mentioned in this very episode that the Sans-Culotte wore more simple clothing. That, and the guillotine blade for a weapon, which gives off some uncomfortable implications. The Miraculous power this time involves the Pig Miraculous' Gift, which somehow allows her to transform anyone her blade touches into balloons... even though the Pig never had that ability, and we saw what it really did just earlier this season (Jubilation).

Right when it seems like Adrien is about to tell Marinette about London, the two learn about Miss Sans-Culotte, and split up to transform into Cat Noir and Ladybug respectively. Meanwhile, Chloe hears the news about Andre before getting a call from Gabriel, who offers to “give her Andre's power”. Even though Chloe always uses her dad's power to get what she wants, she literally has to be told to accept the offer from Lila because she didn't think of the political ramifications. You see what I mean about Lila adding nothing to this episode? It'd be like if Thanos kept in contact with someone who had to tell him how to get the Infinity Stones at every step. As for Gabriel, I'll talk about his plan next episode.

Ladybug and Cat Noir confront Miss Sans-Culotte, demanding to know what she's doing.

Ladybug: Terror isn't a solution!

Cat Noir: There are elections to make your voice heard.

Miss Sans-Culotte: Or a revolution when everyone is corrupt. Nothing can stop freedom!

Because it's not like the video of Andre confessing to abusing his power, tampered or not, is an open and shut impeachment case, right?

Ladybug summons her Lucky Charm and gets a crown. After focusing on Miss Sans-Culotte and City Hall, she gets an idea.

Ladybug: Mayor Bourgeois is acting like the king of Paris, and maybe he should be removed from office after all.

Cat Noir: Are you saying we should give this villain free reign?

Ladybug: I don't know... I feel like that's what the Lucky Charm means. You're right, it's not up to us to decide who gets to be the mayor and who doesn't. An akumatized villain just needs to be deakumatized.

Yeah, remember how Ladybug said it was too risky to forge a temporary alliance with Matagi Gozen in order to stop the person who stole almost every Miraculous she had last season? Well now, she's saying they should essentially let this Akuma force the sitting Mayor of Paris out of power, which is all kinds of illegal. Now this might just be because I'm not French, and don't understand how politics work over there, but here in America, the last time some people stormed a major government establishment to protest a fair election, they were seen as fucking lunatics.

Zoe tries to reason with Miss Sans-Culotte, but she's still in favor of using that guillotine blade in ways that don't involve balloons. They try to reason with her and convince her to reason with Andre... right as Andre is about to resign himself, so this whole conflict was pointless. Still glad to know Ladybug and Cat Noir are now willing to let Akumas use their powers to get what they want when that was almost always seen as taboo.

Miss Sans-Culotte once again rejects the Akuma with ease, Ladybug uses Miraculous Ladybug to fix the damage... only to be cornered by several police robots, and ones that look really stupid at that.

Remember, Gabriel and Tomoe wanted taxpayers to pay for these.

Yeah, somehow, the Lucky Charm was actually meant for Chloe, because, well...

Cat Noir: A crown for the queen of brats, of course!

What, did calling her the literal Antichrist not do well with test audiences?

Yeah, this makes no goddamn sense. Why was the Lucky Charm prioritizing Chloe of all people instead of the Akuma as usual? What was Ladybug even supposed to do here? Yeah, she really should have stopped Miss Sans-Culotte, but was she expected to know about the police robots or something?

Chloe tells the press that Ladybug and Cat Noir helped an Akuma force the current mayor out of office. This is all part of Gabriel and Tomoe's plan, but once again, she's not wrong. The two still helped a dangerous supervillain force a major political shift, and the resulting power vacuum that allowed Chloe to rise to power is really their fault. After Cat Noir uses his Cataclysm to free himself and Ladybug from the nets the robots used to trap them with, we get the start of a running gag where Chloe struggles to say the word “democratic”, because remember, she's blonde, and therefore stupid. This happens several times across both episodes, and none of them are actually funny.

The episode ends with Chloe unlawfully taking control of Paris as the new mayor, which is totally different from Miss Sans-Culotte unlawfully forcing Andre to resign. The last time I saw double standards this blatant, I was watching RWBY.

THE BIGGEST IDIOT OF THE EPISODE IS... CHLOE

If there's one thing I love about my irredeemable villains, it's that they're so stupid, it's impossible to take them seriously. Not only did Chloe need Lila to hold her hand through every major decision she made throughout this episode (and by extension, the next), she failed to understand her dad's political career falling apart and needed to be told to take an opportunity to own an army of advanced robots, and couldn't even say the word “democratic”, which isn't that hard of a word to say even if you're borderline illiterate.

“Revolution” starts off with Chloe essentially declaring martial law in Paris for the time being. Once again, Cat Noir says the sane thing for once and suggests they go and beat up Chloe themselves. Well, I say that, but somehow, Cat Noir contradicts himself in his very next line.

Cat Noir: We can't let Chloe make up the rules.

Ladybug: If she were akumatized, it'd be easy. Find the object, break it, de-evilize her.

Cat Noir: But there is no object, and we can't attack someone who isn't akumatized, or we'd look like the supervillains.

I think you forgot something, guys...

THE ENTIRE FUCKING REASON SHE'S MAKING THE RULES IN THE FIRST PLACE IS BECAUSE YOU HELPED A SUPERVILLAIN IN THE LAST EPISODE! HOW DID YOU FORGET THIS VITAL INFORMATION?!

What the hell is with the sudden change of pace? They were willing to let Miss Sans-Culotte have her way by making Andre resign, so why can't they stop Chloe when she's already taken over Paris by force? I don't think you'd really look like supervillains if you stopped a tyrant instead of a democratically elected mayor. All you need to do is stop Chloe from controlling the robots, and you're golden.

In fact, where the hell is the rest of the Parisian government during all this, much less the French government? Why aren't they doing anything about this? We don't even get a throwaway line that explains it like Chloe bribed some politicians to keep quiet about the whole thing. Instead, despite an obvious violation of democratic rights, nobody outside of Paris is even bothering to stop this.

After a brief scene where some citizens are interviewed about Chloe, we see Adrien once again angsting about going to London. Like what Lila did with Chloe last episode, Plagg has to outright tell Adrien to talk to Marinette about this, because I guess this show has a really low opinion on the intelligence of people with blond hair. Also, good to know that even though Chloe is currently ruling over the city with an iron fist, she's still allowing air traffic to flow normally. Good thing too, as it's almost tourist season. Adrien tries to tell Marinette through a call, but she talks to him about Chloe, and how they can protest her regime.

Meanwhile, at City Hall, Chloe has already gone mad with power, as she orders her new box robots around, while Gabriel calls her to praise her for how she's been doing. Afterwards, Gabriel transforms into Monarch and absorbs the powers from a few Kwamis before Voyaging to City Hall. Chloe orders her robots to arrest Monarch, unaware than Tomoe is the one actually controlling them, only for Monarch to offer a deal... which Lila once again has to tell Chloe to listen to even though Chloe has worked with him in the past. Monarch offers to akumatize Chloe in a way that makes it look like she's not working for him. She accepts, and becomes Queen Mayor.

Queen Mayor's design is pretty simple, but I guess it works for the plan. It's just Chloe in an admittedly nice-looking jacket. Not sure if she can actually take it off like her other clothes or not, though. As for the Miraculous powers, Monarch transfers five of them to her robots, the Turtle Miraculous' Shelter, the Horse Miraculous' Voyage, the Ox Miraculous' Resistance, the Bee Miraculous' Venom, and the Rooster Miraculous' Sublimation, which gives her an unclear power. Given what she subjects her victims to later on, I guess it's the torture chamber she creates? I also don't get how the robots are capable of using the Miraculous powers when earlier episodes established you needed to have multiple Alliance rings to use them (Transmission, Pretension).

But now's as good a time as any to discuss Gabriel and Tomoe's plan, and why is makes absolutely no sense. In case you got confused, here's a quick summary: Tomoe created an army of robots designed to replace the police, and when Andre refused to use them, Gabriel recorded a private conversation so he could edit it, then transform into Monarch to akumatize someone and hope Ladybug and Cat Noir would let her force Andre to resign, then talk to Chloe about taking over as mayor, hope she says yes while Ladybug and Cat Noir do nothing to stop her, then pretend to give her control over Tomoe's robots before akumatizing Chloe so she can actually control the robots, all while praying that Chloe doesn't find out the truth, much the government doesn't get involved with this.

Gabriel and Tomoe did all of this instead of just, you know, akumatizing Chloe like usual. If the plan was to akumatize her all along while making it look like she's not akumatized, why didn't Gabriel just do that from the start as soon as Andre resigned and Miss Sans-Culotte rejected her Akuma? Also, why the hell is Chloe so crucial to the plan anyway? Yeah, they plan to throw her under the bus once they win, but wouldn't it make more sense if Tomoe, the one whose company made the robots, was the one who took over as Mayor?

It feels like the show is trying to recreate the plan from “Miracle Queen” where Chloe teams up with Monarch, but that plan at least made sense, as Chloe was crucial because of her connection to Ladybug. Here, it just feels like the writers needed an excuse to actually make Chloe a threat, but just like when Felix gave Gabriel all of the other Miraculous last season, it's forced. I'm not really seeing Chloe as a threat when she needed Gabriel to hand her the keys to an army of robots, and I don't care if that's the point. If the show wants us to take Chloe seriously as a villain, it needs her actions to speak for themselves instead of turning her into a glorified attack dog for Gabriel, Tomoe, and even Lila to an extent.

But here's my biggest problem with this plan. Consider the fact that Gabriel put Chloe in a major political position, presumably in order to bank on the fact that Ladybug and Cat Noir wouldn't use their powers to beat up a civilian. Gabriel then transformed into Monarch and akumatized Chloe into a form that would make it look like nobody would even tell she was akumatized in the first place. So let me ask this: If Gabriel's plan involves making it look like Chloe isn't akumatized, how is this going to actually attract Ladybug and Cat Noir so you can get their Miraculous?!

Yeah, Ladybug and Cat Noir eventually decide to fight Chloe anyway, but they don't learn she's akumatized until she blurts it out, and that's well into their fight. The plan is to turn the local government against Ladybug and Cat Noir and discredit in a way that prevents them from taking action against an obvious threat, but that just doesn't gel with Monarch's goal of getting their Miraculous. Did Gabriel and Tomoe assume that Ladybug and Cat Noir would just have no qualms with presumably beating up a civilian? If so, why even bother hiding the fact that Chloe was akumatized? This is a problem the plan faces no matter who the mayor is. Hell, if anything, it would be better if Chloe was akumatized from the start, as no matter how long she hides it for, she still has control over an army of robots armed with Miraculous powers, which wouldn't decrease the threat she poses in the slightest. This isn't even the first time an Akuma has hijacked the position of mayor (Rogercop), so it's even less excusable!

The next day, the students stage a protest at their school to get Ms. Bustier her job back, where Chloe (I'm calling her that instead because nobody else calls her Queen Mayor) questions why they're using their right to protest. She also plans to tell Marinette that Adrien is moving to London (something Gabriel told her earlier), but once again, Lila tells her not to. Also, you want to know how stupid the whole “Chloe can't say the word 'democracy' right” gag is? In the same scene where she struggles to say the D-word, Chloe uses the words “Libertarian”, “negative”, and “influence” correctly. It's hard to really buy Chloe as this illiterate moron while you still have her use words like this.

We get what can barely be considered a montage of Chloe abusing her power, but it's only like, three scenes before the plot kicks back in. We get a scene of Chloe screwing around in a private one-on-one class, an admittedly funny bit where she had a golden statue of herself commissioned to rest on the Arc de Triomphe, and then a scene where she shows Andre the ice cream man just how unfair her rule is.

Chloe: Did you pay the permit fee to sell your ice cream?!

Ice Cream Man Andre: I don't need a permit to sell love in Paris!

Chloe: Well, now you do! Otherwise, you'll end up in detention!

I mean, she reasonably calls out Andre for not having a permit to sell ice cream. How... evil of her?

Marinette goes back to her place, only to learn Chloe abducted her parents and placed them in “detention”, before doing the same to her thanks to one of her robots using a combination of Venom and Voyage. We do get an admittedly decent scene of Chloe threatening to tell Marinette about Adrien moving if Adrien doesn't become her deputy mayor, only for Adrien to vow to tell Marinette himself... even though he kept trying to tell her earlier in the episode, so this moment feels a little hollow. But hey, it's not like the finale will make this scene seem even worse in retrospect, right?

Adrien is sent to detention, a torture chamber where footage of Chloe mentally conditions the prisoners into believing that they're ridiculous or that they can always count on her, all while the prisoners are told to find a chair in an endless maze. Again, another decent visual I'll give the episode credit for. After Adrien, Marinette, and Alya escape detention, the former two transform into Cat Noir and Ladybug respectively and get ready to finally do something about Chloe.

Ladybug summons her Lucky Charm, a bikini bottom, and gets ready to stop Chloe alongside Cat Noir. Okay, Chloe has an army of robots on her side alongside the public's favor, so they'll need to come up with a really clever plan in order to—they're just going in guns blazing even though that's a terrible plan in a situation like this. Unsurprisingly, the two heroes immediately get trapped by a combination of Shelter and Resistance, nullifying the Lucky Charm and Cataclysm. Only now do they figure out Monarch is behind this, even though both of them saw the robots use Venom and Voyage to send them to detention, yet when Chloe actually says it, Ladybug is still shocked by this.

As Ladybug and Cat Noir start to detransform, they encourage the public to take action once they lose their Miraculous, even though Monarch will have won by then. As they do this, somehow, they stop detransforming until they manage to recharge their Miraculous by the power of because the plot says so. How did they do this?

Gabriel: I am an adult! Not transforming back is a power belonging to grown-ups!

Nooroo: I guess they must have grown up, Master.

Yes. Seriously. Even though there's been nothing else to signify that Ladybug and Cat Noir have matured this season, they now have the full power of their Miraculous at their disposal because now, they're adults. If you have to tell the audience that your characters have developed, then you've done a poor job at writing character development. Ms. Bustier takes the sash containing Chloe's Akuma while Cat Noir uses multiple Cataclysms to destroy the rest of her robots.

Ladybug de-evilizes the Akuma, oddly enough, doesn't use Miraculous Ladybug to fix the damage, doesn't give Chloe a useless Magical Charm because Andre says he's going to “correct his own errors”, and after being convinced by her students, Ms. Bustier decides to run for mayor.

We then cut to a private jet where Audrey is chewing her daughter out for failing, even though she supported her earlier when she was mayor. Yeah, you know how it seemed like Andre was finally going to properly discipline his daughter. Dream on! Instead, he just decided to send her away with Audrey, someone who he knows is a terrible person, and lets her deal with Chloe in a way that heavily implies she's going to put Chloe through hell when she isn't at school.

Audrey: Because of you, we've lost face! You've ruined our name and our reputation! You had all the powers in your hands and you foolishly lost them! Bourgeois do not raise losers. You think you're going to London on vacation? Dream on! I'm going to take control of your life again, starting with your education.

This is seriously meant to be an appropriate punishment for Chloe while Andre gets absolutely no consequences for being responsible for his daughter turning out the way she did. I have only one thing to ask.

WHAT THE FUCK, ASTRUC?!

How the fuck did anyone involved with this show think any of this was okay?! How did Andre think this was okay when in the previous episode, he pointed out how awful Audrey was?! Why the fuckare both Andre and Audrey, the two people who helped make Chloe the person she is, getting away scot-free while Chloe gets condemned for everything?! Why the fuck are we supposed to be happy Audrey is diciplining Chloe when we know she's worse than she is?! WHO THE FUCK THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE OKAY TO GREENLIGHT?!

I can either interpret this scene in two ways.

The first way is that, like he's said for a few years now, Astruc still doesn't see this as child abuse, and that Chloe is being punished like any other misbehaving child is.

THIS IS WHAT THOMAS ASTRUC ACTUALLY BELIEVES.

The second way, and I consider this to be the worse option, is that Astruc's team is fully aware that this now qualifies as child abuse, and that Chloe deserves this treatment. Put aside the fact that a common mentality of abusive parents is that they believe they're helping their children by “toughing them up”, this is still a demented way to punish any character, no matter how bad they are.

“But IOTA! Chloe needs to be punished for what she did!” Yeah, she does, but not like this. Hell, you don't need to do a lot to change the ending and avoid the harmful implications. Just have Andre be the one to move out of Paris with Chloe with the intent to send her to boarding school. Also, rather than say he's “going to take control of Chloe's life again”, have him explain that while he still loves Chloe, he isn't mayor anymore, so she can't use his name to get out of trouble, meaning that like it or not, Chloe will have to grow out of her bratty attitude or else she'll get in even more trouble. That way, we see Andre actually taking responsibility for how bad of a parent he was, Chloe realizes her old tricks won't work anymore while the door is open for a redemption should you choose to bring her back next season, and most importantly, there's no implications of child abuse here.

But believe it or not, things were even worse for these episodes initially. As detailed in the Season 5 scripts, there was originally a scene in “Collusion” where Andre used his powers as mayor to divorce Audrey and steal custody of Zoe while leaving her to deal with Chloe herself, officially joining Jagged Stone in the Rich Deadbeat Dads Club.

And Astruc wasn't even aware it was taken out, not being told this until he found out on Twitter.

Because somehow, he considered Andre walking out on his family and leaving his biological daughter in the hands of an abusive bitch crucial to the story.

And do you want to know the worst part? No matter how you view this scene, either way, it's portrayed as Chloe getting punished, but the next scene plays Gabriel abusing Adrien straight, ordering him to pack his things as he'll be heading to London that night. The show literally can't make up its mind on whether child abuse is bad or not. Why is it okay for Chloe to be mistreated by her parents while we're supposed to sympathize with Adrien? No matter who the victim is, CHILD ABUSE IS STILL CHILD ABUSE.

I don't care how bad Chloe is, child abuse is NEVER justifiable, and it's disgusting that the show seems to take that stance, whether they intended to or not.

Let's just get the last few minutes out of the way so I can end this. Adrien is forced to pack for London, Nathalie does nothing to stop Gabriel from doing this, Lila steals one of Tomoe's computers, Gabriel tells Tomoe about keeping Adrien and Kagami safe in London while they execute “Operation: Perfect Alliance”, Marinette and Adrien have their first kiss for the third time in five seasons, Chloe calls Marinette to tell her about Adrien, but Marinette tells her to piss off, and Chloe ends the episode crying because Astruc thinks she deserves to suffer. THERE. I'M DONE.

THE BIGGEST IDIOT OF THE EPISODE IS... GABRIEL

Gabriel joins Marinette in earning the Biggest Idiot Award for the third time this season. He had no reason to include Chloe in his stupid plan, he was essentially banking on Ladybug and Cat Noir choosing to do nothing, and tried to create a scenario were Ladybug and Cat Noir wouldn't be able to lose their Miraculous. At least you could argue that Ladybug and Cat Noir needed to stay on the down low at first. Gabriel doesn't get that excuse.

These episodes sucked, but I honestly thought they were slightly better than the last two.

Yeah, all joking aside, I thought these episodes had more positives to them than “Revelation” and “Confrontation”. Where those two episodes were insulting and confusing respectively, these two episodes were the kind of bad I've come to expect from the show. There's plotholes, bad morals, and characters acting like idiots, but it's par for the course. I was far from a fan of these two episodes, but other than the ending of “Revolution”, I was nowhere near as angry I was with “Revelation” and “Confrontation”.

Surprisingly, I was more upset rewatching “Collusion” than I did “Revolution”. Yeah, “Revolution” was bad, but at least Chloe was supposed to be a bad example of how lead a city, unlike what Andre and Ms. Bustier were doing. Those characters both taught bad morals, intentional or not, and just like Ladybug and Cat Noir, were never called out for unintentionally leading to Chloe's rise to power. With Andre, we were supposed to just be expected to be okay with all the times he abused his power as mayor while cheering when he quit with no negative repercussions, and with Ms. Bustier, we were supposed to be okay with her attempting to stage a violent coup against Andre, the character the episode is already trying to make us sympathize with.

Between these two characters, along with Sabrina and Felix, the show really loves operating on the “There's Always a Bigger Fish” rule. It doesn't matter how many bad things you do, if someone else is pulling the strings, you won't get in trouble at all... unless you're Chloe, so, in that case, BURN IN HELL. Like I mentioned earlier, you can acknowledge someone only did bad things because they were pressured to while saying they should at least be held accountable for their actions in some way that doesn't involve kicking them out of the country.

The moral of when it's okay to use violence was pretty confusing, and not just because this is a superhero show where almost every problem is solved by fighting it. Ladybug tries to convince Miss Sans-Culotte that political conflicts shouldn't be solved with violence, but even if she didn't convince her to change her mind, Andre was already ready to resign as mayor, and Miss Sans-Culotte still angrily demanded he resign in a way that sounded like a violent threat. There's also the fact that despite saying that violence isn't always the answer, the conflict that was sort of resolved with no violence ended up making things worse as Chloe was able to seize power once Andre resigned.

Also, it's pretty funny how absolutely nobody ever tried to reason with Chloe after she became mayor, not even Ms. Bustier. In that case, violence was obviously the answer, but the show never really tells us what makes Miss Sans-Culotte better than Chloe. You can't teach an anti-violence moral in one episode and then lead into an episode where violence solves the problem instead of diplomacy. And I'm not one of those saints who believes that every conflict should be handled nonviolently. Sometimes, people won't listen to words, but will at least hear you out if you use your fists. I'd personally argue the conflict of “Revolution” would have worked if had this kind of lesson. Just have Ladybug and Cat Noir tried to solve things with Chloe diplomatically during the first act, only to realize that Chloe won't budge, so they have no choice but to take her out of power themselves. It'd make a hell of a lot more sense than having Marinette and Adrien do nothing while Chloe makes everyone's life miserable because the writers need to pad the runtime.

I already mentioned this, but for an episode that tries to show how awful Chloe is, she barely does anything on her own. She needs Lila to tell her to go along with Gabriel's plan, she needs Gabriel and Tomoe to pretend to give her an army of robots, and she needs Monarch to akumatize her to make the robots even more dangerous. If you need another character to do something to make Chloe a threat, why should we only see Chloe as the threat? These two episodes keep going back and forth on whether Chloe is the worst or not. When they're not showing her taking control of Paris on her own like should be doing, the writers take the time to remind the audience that Lila and Gabriel are pulling Chloe around by telling her what to do, all while they each muse about how this is all going according to keikaku. If you want to make Chloe a threat and have her live up to her reputation as a terrible human being, she should actually have agency and should be cunning enough to be a dangerous villain in her own right.

Unlike with “Confrontation”, which gave more focus to side characters for some reason, “Revolution” actually focused on the main characters and their conflict with Chloe, like we should have gotten with Lila. Yeah, Ladybug and Cat Noir wait far too long to stop her, but unlike with Lila last episode, they at least had a semblance of a reason for hesitating to beat up a civilian. Either way, it felt like an obstacle that Ladybug and Cat Noir actually overcame together instead of someone else helping them out at the last second. Yeah, the Miraculous boost was a glorified deus ex machina, but it was at least a thing established in the show since Season 3.

Even the stuff with Chloe actually felt like stuff she would do, unlike in Season 4, which tried to give her an interest in bananas and soccer for the sake of giving her screentime as a villain (Queen Banana, Penalteam). When Chloe had free reign of the city, she actually did stuff on her own that was clever, like the detention setup. We really needed more of this Chloe for the past two seasons if the writers wanted to make her work as a villain, yet they waited until the end of the fifth season to actually do something interesting, and that was after she was told what to do for most of the episode.

And then there's how the conflict was resolved. It's really hard to buy Ladybug and Cat Noir “growing up” and unlocking the full power of their Miraculous, because just like when it was first established in Season 3, it's such a vague term, and only leaves you asking more questions. Neither Marinette or Adrien really had a big moment of personal growth this episode. Yeah, Adrien wanted to tell Marinette about London, but he had been trying to do that since Chloe first took over as mayor. While it's a decent piece of character development after keeping it secret for the past few episodes, it doesn't really do a lot to justify Adrien “growing up”.

Then again, at least Adrien actually got a moment to show his growth compared to Marinette. All she did before she “grew up” was tell the citizens of Paris to keep fighting, but it was such a vague speech and doesn't really scream becoming an adult. If she was going to sacrifice her identity or do something dangerous in order to stop Chloe, that could have worked. Instead, what I can assume was her big moment came after she defeated Chloe, the call at the end, and even then, it was just her telling Chloe how much she sucks, something she's never been afraid to say since the show started. Once again, if you need to tell the audience your show has character development, you're not good at writing character development.

Overall, while these episodes were both really bad, I still think they're at least more tolerable than the previous two.

And with that, I am officially done with the poorly written Chloe episodes. Sure, I still have three more episodes until I finish Season 5, but least this means Astruc will hopefully stop using her in the show, or at least ranting about her on Twitter. Maybe I'll make a character analysis post about her or talk about her during the overview post, but for now...

[callmearcturus]

thoughts on OMITB

yeah my family mainlined the entirety of Only Murders in the Building (3 ten-episode seasons) and I have thoughts and its my blog

This show had SO MUCH AGAINST IT from the onset. I'm too old to have seen Selena Gomez's run as a teenage actor. Worse, I have never in my life found Martin Short or Steve Martin funny. I truly mean that, I have never understood the appeal and eventually just assumed they were part of the early SNL school of comedy, i.e. only every fifth joke lands.

AND THEN ON TOP OF THAT this is gonna sound ridiculous but I didn't know the premise of the show was literally and actually "three people bond over their love of True Crime Podcasts and then decide to start their own podcast about a murder in their apartment building"

I had no idea that was the pitch

I fucking hate True Crime as a genre. I am one of those people who think its a deeply dehumanizing and unethical from top to bottom. so an ENTIRE SHOW about three huge enthusiasts who then make their own?

The deck could not have been more stacked against this fucking show.

AND I DO HAVE SOME COMPLAINTS ABOUT THE SHOW. Let me get those out of the way:

god the cameos make me roll my eyes out of my head. i do not get a thrill out of people playing themselves. I find it super false and annoying. (exception: okay Sting was funny bc he hates dogs and was a legitimate suspect for the murder for like five minutes, lmao)

some of the jokes in the show have a "please clap" vibe to them, and no i will not clap. be funny or gimme more fun character drama.

is that it???

oh yeah a big one: Oliver not being bisexual is so fucking baffling and I just do not buy it.

OKAY BACK TO WHY I LOVE THIS FUCKING SHOW

this show cares so much about its characters and you can say that about a lot of shows but OMITB has two specific skills it deserves kudos for:

ONE: even tho Mabel, Oliver, and Charles are the focus of the show, all the secondary and tertiary characters are important and consistent and are brought back over and over. Like Howard, who in S1 is the Gay Cat Guy and in S2 gets multiple moments of focus for him asking a neighbor out and in S3 is in almost every episode and is Oliver's assistant. The fact the show cares enough to give non-focal characters whole arcs to go through really sells the idea of the Arconia as community of people.

TWO: THE FUCKING ABILITY OF THIS SHOW TO MAKE YOU LOVE DEEPLY FLAWED, OFTEN ASSHOLISH PEOPLE.

the fucking FLEX that is "The Last Day of Bunny Folger" holy shit. for an entire season, Bunny was this constant nuisance no one liked, then she died, and over the course of one episode that doesn't try to REDEEM her, it just shows MORE of her, I was so fucking invested. And they did the same shit with Ben Gilderoy, it's amazing.

OMITB cares so much about having COMPASSION for everyone and treating all of them like people. There is no one who is purely contemptible

another thing I love is the trio and the various dynamics

all three of them together are adorable and the way they grow to deeply love each other is great. but also the way oliver and charles drive each other nuts and needle each other <3 and how mabel and charles really CARE about trusting each other and how fast they get invested <3 but MABEL AND OLIVER i love them they are hilarious and wonderful and just heighten each other's bullshit

oh my god and the way the show lets each of them have complex backstories and working thru shit. Charles' struggle with his neuroses and years of rejection, Oliver's connection with his son and how he almost throws a case bc he's in love with Meryl Streep (fair), and Mabel being mean and distant and aloof and it all having a REASON

okay fuck this is so long, some quick hits

Theo Dimas is genuinely the best character in the show, the moment he turns to the camera and signs "People in this city talk way too much" was like the moment i was IN on the show for good. thank GOD they keep bringing him back, he's the fucking best.

NATHAN FUCKING LANE AS TEDDY DIMAS, WHAT A FUCKING PERFORMANCE, HOLY SHIT.

wow so many fucking queer people. Mabel, Howard, Jan, Jonathan, Cliff, Jerry, Sazz, Detective Williams and her wife, Alice, and i think Zoe and Uma might be but I'm not sure.

ranking of Mabel's love interests: Oscar (who is great) > Alice (who sucks) > Tobert (boringggg)

the fucking wardrooooobes

the SETS!!!!!!!!!!

selena gomez' rack in the penultimate episode of season 3 holy shit WOW those tits

CHARLES' CAREER-LONG STUNT DOUBLE IS SAZZ, A HOT LESBIAN PLAYED BY JANE LYNCH WHO DOUBLED FOR HIM EVEN IN SEX SCENES AND IS SO MAGNETIC SHE KEEPS ACCIDENTALLY STEALING HIS GIRLFRIENDS

okay i'm done, omitb is good

[lazanskywrites]

Glee Was Ahead of It's Time.

You either love or hate Glee there is absolutely zero in-between. It's like the "cilantro soap-tasting gene", you decide whether you like it or not in one try. In my opinion, Glee is a masterpiece and I am prepared to die on this hill. Here are my top five reasons why Glee is one of my favorite shows.

My controversial take though, Glee was only good until halfway through season five. With that being said, the first reason why Glee is my favorite show is because the original cast is iconic. The original Glee Club members slowly fizzle out of the show, having random cameos here and there. This is why, to me, the last seasons are hard to watch. No amount of new characters will top the original characters, they were funnier and had better acting.

The fourth reason Glee is my favorite show is because the comedy was ahead of its time. Countless skits in the show are similar to those in today's comedic world on TikTok or YouTube. But Glee is slowly losing popularity as other shows and movies are produced. The writing and comedic timing of these attached clips are another reason why I and plenty of others still watch Glee.

The third reason I love Glee is for their celebrity cameos. John Stamos, Neil Patrick Harris, Britney Spears, Ricky Martin, Olivia Newton-John, and Jennifer Coolidge, the list goes on and on. Every celebrity has an important role in the episode or the season they're featured in. For example, John Stamos' character was dating a teacher involved in the Glee Club. Ricky Martin was a Spanish teacher who taught the Glee Club about Latin music. And Olivia Newton-John was alongside Jane Lynch's character in a music video.

The amount of A-list celebrities the directors were able to feature in only six seasons is outstanding. It shows how popular this show became as more episodes were filmed.

Fourthly, Glee would be nothing without the music (literally). Were all the covers good? Absolutely not. But the good covers were good covers. Every character has a handful of songs that were praised in the Glee fandom, but Rachel, Mercedes, and Blaine had hit after hit. As much as I dislike both Rachel Berry and Lea Michelle, she can sing. Rachel's standout song for me was "Don't Rain On My Parade", it perfectly highlights her vocal talent and the attitude her character brings to the show.

Mercedes has just as powerful of a voice as Rachel and Mercedes does not hold back. Her character was hilarious and full of talent, but she often got overshadowed by her peers. There are songs her peers had performed I think she would've performed ten times better. This isn't a solo, but it's my favorite song of hers. The context of the song is hilarious and the music video is pure 2010s vibes.

Finally, Blaine Anderson. On TikTok, there is a joke being spread that any song Blaine has covered in Glee is better than the original. They call it the "Blaine Anderson effect". Similar to the "Kelly Clarkson effect" which is when Kelly Clarkson covers a song and outdoes the original artist. I listen to Blaine's covers like they're originals. I could go on and on about how many good covers he has in Glee. Today, Darren Criss still performs outstanding covers. My favorite Blaine cover has to be "Bills, Bills, Bills".

The fifth and final reason why I love Glee is none other than Jane Lynch. Without fail, she'll always be the funniest character in every episode. What I appreciate about her character is the soft side she tries to cover up with crass jokes towards students and colleagues. Realizing why she is protective and patient with Becky it makes you see her from a different perspective. I love Sue Sylvester so much that I dressed up as her for Halloween.

It takes a certain person to truly enjoy Glee so it's not surprising that I'm one of the only people out of all my friends who enjoy watching an episode or two every night.

You thought I was kidding about the Halloween costume?

[uyuiuyui2]

15 tiips to avoid the Freshman 15 (and the rest of your college weight gain)

Hello, future college students of America. First off, you’re annoying and I hate you. You’re about to be thrust into the blissfully independent lifestyle of the American college student. Of course, there’s a kicker when it comes to the most fun 4-6 years of your life, the dreaded Freshman 15 (followed for some of us by the Sophomore 10, the Junior 17, and the whopping Senior 25) . It’s damn near impossible to avoid, between late night pizza places on every corner, and the obscene quantities of alcohol you’ll consume. You’re probably about to blow up like Betty Francis did in the last season of Mad Men. As a survivor of the Freshman 15, here are some simple things you can do to try to avoid packing on the pounds like I did.

1. Think about the fact that if you get fat as shit then you no longer get to have sex with hot people. That’s not to say that you won’t hook up anymore, but the quality of your sexual partners will likely dip with every pound you put on. Hot people only have sex with other hot people. That’s just as constant a law as gravity. Pretty sure Newton wrote about it.

2. Your five-minute walk to class does not constitute exercise, and that walk will get a little harder with every roll your stomach gains. Hit the gym every once in a while. Losing weight is absurdly easy in your late teens and early 20s. Try to build that habit now, otherwise you’ll end up the fat guy in his thirties huffing and puffing on a treadmill and sweating up a storm. 

3. If you’re eating after 10pm and you’re not drunk, you’ll have no one to blame but yourself when you can’t fit into any of your clothes at Christmas break.

4. Get in a shit ton of trouble. You’ll have run a marathon’s worth of distance from the cops in no time at all. Burns calories, and gives you great stories to tell over lunch.

5. Picture the disgust on people’s faces when you take your shirt off on Spring Break. Hell, picture the looks on your frat brothers’ faces when you take your shirt off to chug one more beer at the tailgate - trust me on this, they’re laughing at you, not with you.

6. None of your future pledges will be able to take you seriously as a hard ass if you’re a fat ass. There’s a difference between “intimidating power gut” and just being a tub of lard.

7. Mix in a salad or soup every once in a while. Stay away from the regular lunch buffet every now and then. If you eat the garbage that your house chef or dining hall cook puts out on the buffet every night, you’re going to put on some serious pounds. 

8. Everyone is gaining weight, so it’s easy to get caught up in the “everyone’s doing it” excuse. Bullshit. Yeah, everyone’s gaining weight, but that’s no excuse to make a second trip to the fro-yo machine. Also, frozen yogurt is not healthier than ice cream, especially when you load absurd amounts of chocolate and candy on top, idiots.

9. Walk everywhere. Walk to the bars, walk to class, walk to your hookup buddy’s house at 3am. Ideally you’ll be too drunk to drive anywhere safely anyway.

10. Watch an episode of The Biggest Loser before every meal. Imagine someone filming you eating the meal you’re about to eat in slow motion with sad piano music in the background. Opt for some fruit or something not deep fried instead of a heaping pile of fries.

11. Eat with members of the opposite sex. Your grody frat bros are likely to cheer you on and encourage you to slam a fifth slice of pepperoni pizza dripping with grease, but the co-eds from Kappa Delta will make it clear that they’re judging you. In a perfect world, power-eating would be a potent aphrodisiac, but it isn’t. It’s just gross.

12. Don’t eat when you’re stressed out. Head to the gym or go on a quick run to release powerful endorphins that will make you feel good. It’s science. Check it out.

13. Imagine that first piece of XL clothing you’ll have to buy. S-L are normal-sized person clothes and you’re about to enter the world of Big & Tall. If you need extra motivation, walk through a Big and Tall store and take note of the guys who shop there - without some serious willpower, you’ll end up just like them in no time. That’s embarrassing.

14. Try a high fiber diet - processed foods are the cheapest and quickest way to widen your waistline. Fiber is scientifically proven to keep you feeling fuller longer so you won’t keep reaching your fat stubby fingers into the potato chip bag. 

15. Do tons of drugs and never sleep.

Look, the Freshman 15 is almost completely unavoidable, and obviously I’m kidding about several of these tips. You’re going to gain weight, no matter what. There’s food and booze at your beck and call at all hours of the day, no parents to tell you “no” and plenty of peer pressure. That said, you get those 15 pounds. That’s the house money given to you when you walk in the door. After that, you’re on the hook for becoming a disgusting human being. In reality, if you work out three or four days a week and watch what you eat every couple of days, you should be fine.

Of course, we all received this good advice when we were in your shoes. It’s more than likely that you’ll disregard the sage wisdom from your elders the same way I did - you’ll think it won’t happen to you, that you couldn’t possibly end up with a big fat beer gut, tits bigger than your first girlfriend’s and jowls that jiggle when you laugh. We’ll be there to clap you on the back and order your first round when you belly up to the bar with us - after all, when was the last time you saw a skinny alum on campus?

[malkaleh]

Rules: Give us the links to your fic with the most hits, second most kudos, third most comments, fourth most bookmarks, fifth most words, and fic with the least words.

Tagged by @eidetictelekinetic <33333.

Most Hits: Undertow [Criminal Minds] by me and a coauthor

He never falls apart where it can be seen. That’s the way this goes. But there’s been too little sleep and if he knows nothing else, Hotch at least knows when to recognise when he’s falling apart beyond his capacity to put a mask over it. And he never wants to scare the team again, so he manages to make it home. Make it somehow.

Second Most Kudos: It’s Not Because Of You (It’s Because Of Me) [Ted Lasso]

Brian Symonds was - fuck is one of the best youth talent coaches in the country it’s just he’s also been arrested and all Jamie can think is fuck (one take on Jamie’s backstory)

Fourth Most Bookmarks: Five Times Out Of Many David Rossi Realised He Was Happily Doomed [Criminal Minds]

Five ways David Rossi knew that he was totally totally doomed in the best possible way in regards to the way he loved these kids. (Criminal Minds Kidverse)

Fifth Most Words: If I Could Go Back [Criminal Minds] by me and a coauthor.

It's the day of Derek's high school graduation, and Jason Gideon is standing at the bottom of the porch steps, trying not to hope. (Criminal Minds Kidverse)

Least Words: Strange The Dream, Stranger The Dreamer [Star Trek Discovery]

It hurts, underneath the terror for their children, that she does not say ‘we dreamed together, you and I’[a tiny glimpse of a human sarek/vulcan amanda world - spoilers for season two, episode seven]

Tagging: @bessemerprocess @shes-a-voodoo-child @sarking @kawuli @herawell @lorata

[demonwithacalculator]

i refuse to give further context besides the totally real not fanfiction story behind this:

in the reality where Jackie is a real celebrity, Mary Shelley’s Frankenhole had blown up on the then equivalent of tiktok, and it was finally given a third through fifth season after [too many] goddamn years. however Dino i’lllookuphislastnamelater died in a fucking plane crash when EVERY bird on the eastern seaboard decided to fly directly into the engine of his jet while he was flying to the premiere of his new art film. thus the reboot was rather soulless.

anywho, in the middle of the fourth season there was a slightly higher rated episode guest starring Jackie where he voiced himself. during the production of his puppet, he asked for a middle finger added to the back of its hand so it can flip people off while playing guitar, but his idea was rejected, and as a result Jackie was a bitch to work with the entire time. several of the scenes were based around him complaining in the recording room where every other VA decided to just roll with his bullshit.

the episode follows Jackie showing up at the castle and just doing fucking nothing while victor tries to convince him to have various surgeries. it also has an uncomfortable five minute long extended scene with no major camera movement or score, where Polidori hits on Jackie and Jackie seems a little too into it. [FUCK[

the episode ends with a repeated sample of “tie me to the bedpost” from inside out by eve 6 over a lo fi beat. it is implied that things happen as the camera sits awkwardly outside of Polidori’s door.

jackie [in real life] later goes on to never mention any of this to anyone, mainly because his puppet was given an ambiguously large chest and alarmingly fat hips. among other reasons i’m sure you can guess.

I PROMISE THIS ISNT A TROLL POST THIS WAS MOSTLY WRITTEN BY @kaleb-the-master-of-fate​

TLDR: THIS IS WHAT I IMAGINE THE PUPPET THEY’D MAKE OF JACKIE WOULD LOOK LIKE IF HE WERE A REAL CELEBRITY AND THEY WERE MAKING FUN OF HIM

[crowdvscritic]

round up // JUNE 23

The best things come in pairs in this Round Up. A few repeat offenders this June: 

Jason Schwartzman

Harrison Ford

Brad Pitt

Pixar

Archeological digs

Sports stories

1943 musicals

Tap dancing

‘80s pop-rock records

Two Tales of Cities

And, as always, Crowd and Critic are best when they’re in tandem. These are my top picks for June 2023 in the order I experienced them:

June Crowd-Pleasers

1. Shooting Stars (2023)

As a sports dilettante, I knew nothing about LeBron James’s pre-NBA life. (Full disclosure: I don’t know much about his post-NBA life either.) This sports drama probably sands off some edges (James produced this movie based on a book he wrote), but it hits its marks. It’s inspirational but not schmaltzy, and thanks to great performances (including an always stellar Caleb McLaughlin and I’m-always-glad-when-he-pops-up Dermot Mulroney), this story of five basketball-obsessed kids growing up is much better than you’d expect for a direct-to-Peacock movie. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 7/10

2. Elemental (2023)

Pixar is back to basics with Elemental. In the best way, that means Pixar is up to their old shenanigans, but in another sense, it means this movie is, well, basic. Read my full review at ZekeFilm or watch my segment on KMOV to give you an idea on whether Pixar’s latest is for you. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 8.5/10

3. Flamin’ Hot (2023)

What Flamin’ Hot lacks in heat it makes up for in heart. With its relatable stakes and the comedy it finds in skewering corporate culture, this kind-of-true story of the creation of the Flamin’ Hot Cheeto (yes, really) is about as good as it could be. Read my full review at ZekeFilm. Crowd: 8/0 // Critic: 7/10

4. Coco (2017)

Finally watched after being one of my top “oops, I haven’t seen this yet” titles for years. Yes, Pixar did make me sob again. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 9/10

5. Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023)

Do you love to feel nostalgia or to be surprised? Do you like old school action or newfangled special effects? Do you enjoy historical adventures or stories about modern issues? Then the fifth Indiana Jones episode is for you! Literally the only thing this needed to achieve was to surpass the quality of Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, but why settle for that when you can make an action-packed adventure better than most summer blockbuster fare? Given that Raiders of the Lost Ark and Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade are two of the best adventure movies (or perhaps, just movies) of the 20th century, it’s no insult to say The Dial of Destiny ranks third for me in Indy’s canon with Temple of Doom and Crystal Skull following in distant fourth and fifth places. Crowd: 10/10 // Critic: 8.5/10

6. Bananarama-thon + Bangle-mania + Go-Go-palooza

What says “summer” more than 1980s girl pop-rock bands? (Or really, 1980s pop-rock period?) Bananarama, The Bangles, and The Go-Go’s made excellent summer soundtracks with their respective albums Deep Sea Skiving (1983), Bananarama (1984), and True Confessions (1986); All Over the Place (1984), Different Light (1986), and Everything (1988); and Beauty and the Beat (1981), Vacation (1982), and Talk Show (1984). Also, does Bananarama’s debut album have the greatest cover art of all time?

7. Sports Night (1998-2000)

My binge of short-lived behind-the-scenes shows continues! Clearly Aaron Sorkin and pals like Tommy Schlamme were still learning the ropes of TV, and they were not helped by the fact that premiering in the ‘90s mandated a laugh track in the first season. But the bones of Sorkin’s future are there: Josh Charles and Peter Krause’s bromance feels like laying the track for some of the best of The West Wing, and Felicity Huffman is one of his iconic strong female leads. Robert Guillaume’s elder statesmen of TV (both in front and behind of the camera) is the glue that holds the show together, and the show’s love for sports is so infectious it draws in non-sporty girlies like me.

8. Legal Eagles (1986)

A legal dramedy starring Robert Redford directed with the light touch of Ivan Reitman? This art heist murder mystery co-starring Debra Winger and Daryl Hannah is a hidden gem of the ‘80s...and also an addition to my Favorite Tap Dances list on Letterboxd? Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 7.5/10

9. The Stone Roses by The Stone Roses (1989)

A Rolling Stone article I shared last month got me curious about this band (whom I know nothing about beyond that article), and this album has been scratching The Smiths itch that lives in me.

June Critic Picks

1. Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023)

It’s a visual wonder with stellar voice work, especially Jason Schwartzman’s clever villain, and once we get to the Nueva York universe, everything flies. But boy, does it take a while to get there. I normally reserve my Round Ups for praise, but since Across the Spider-Verse’s nearly universal acclaim won’t be tarnished by my critique, the spirit of transparency compels me to complain this film is at least 30 minutes too long. When you’re trying to be both a Gwen Stacy movie and a Miles Morales movie, the somber first hour slows down even more and delays revisiting the stuff we loved most in the first film. The kids next to me were antsy well before this was over, my dad fell asleep in the middle (which he never does), and then it rivals Lord of the Rings for fake out endings. Here's hoping Spider-Ham and Spider-Man Noir get to make up for their lost time in part 3! Crowd: 7.5/10 // Critic: 8/10

2. Ninotchka (1939)

When Soviet Greta Garbo travels to Paris on Communist Party business, can she resist the city’s charms? She and her fellow comrades find themselves succumbing to the amenities, champagne, and romance they can’t find in Mother Russia. An Ernst Lubitsch-directed rom-com co-written by Billy Wilder can’t miss! Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 9/10

3. Little Women (2017)

Another Round Up, another version of Little Women. I immediately pushed this PBS miniseries to the top of my watchlist when I dug into Little Mermaid star Jonah Hauer-King’s past filmography and discovered he performed alongside Angela Lansbury (!!!). Though I expect the budget was smaller than a big screen feature’s, the extended runtime allows for moments we haven’t seen depicted on film before. The cast of ringers includes Lansbury as a delightfully cranky Aunt March and Hauer-King as a lovelorn Laurie, as well Maya Hawke as Jo, Kathryn Newton as Amy, and Michael Gambon as Mr. Laurence in an 1860s Concord as bucolic as ever. Like a warm, encouraging hug!

4. Past Lives (2023)

This bittersweet romantic drama makes me want to call up my boyfriend who moved away the summer after 7th grade and the guy I never dated in college who studied abroad and then transferred and that boy I met at a party a few years ago who said he was moving next week to sail boats in Delaware and then be disappointed none of them are as I remember or imagined who they would become. The best film of the year so far? Crowd: 7.5/10 // Critic: 10/10

5. Double Feature - Silly 1943 Musicals About Marrying for Money: Du Barry Was a Lady + Higher and Higher

Movies today should try being as weird as ‘40s musicals. In Higher and Higher (Crowd: 7.5/10 // Critic: 7.5/10), a one-time millionaire tries to marry off his maid to a wealthy bachelor, though she may prefer to romance Frank Sinatra (playing himself!) instead. In Du Barry Was a Lady (7.5/10 // 8/10), Lucille Ball is trying to snag herself a rich guy, though she may prefer to romance Gene Kelly instead. (This is a much more obvious addition to my Favorite Tap Dances list on Letterboxd.) Both are silly, but when you’ve got Sinatra singing or Kelly dancing to Cole Porter songs, you’ve still got wow moments. More movies today should detour into 18th century dream sequences!

6. Valley of the Kings (1954)

Robert Taylor and Eleanor Parker go on a high-stakes archaeological dig in the early 1900s set in front of gorgeous photography in Egypt. A fun prototype for Indiana Jones and The Mummy! Crowd: 7/10 // Critic: 8/10

7. Asteroid City (2023)

Something Wes Anderson does not get enough credit for: The man has never made a film longer than two hours. This spring’s trend of Wes Anderson-inspired social media may have brought attention to the previously unacquainted, but it took only a few of those superficially xanthic posts to exhaust my Instagram feed. Most social filmmaking is ugly and chaotic, but Anderson’s attention to detail when blocking his troupe of players in the golden ratio, designing perfectly-shaped mushroom clouds, and using color theory to select his palette doesn’t just hold up on a big screen—it deserves it. Read my full review at ZekeFilm. Crowd: 7/10 // Critic: 10/10

8. Double Feature - ‘90s Brad Pitt: Legends of the Fall (1994) + The Devil’s Own (1997)

In Legends of the Fall (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 8.5/10), Brad Pitt’s nonconformist Tristan upends the lives of his family members (including Anthony Hopkins and Julia Ormond) as they strive to keep their Montana estate through World War I, Prohibition, and the Great Depression. In The Devil’s Own (Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 9/10), Pitt’s IRA terrorist Rory upends the life of the family who takes him in (including Harrison Ford) when he escapes to America. One is a soapy historical epic, one is a gritty police thriller, but both show the promise of Pitt’s career.

9. A Tale of Two Cities (1935)

A pretty good adaptation of one of my favorite high school English class reads. Though the nuance and depth of the Mr. Charles “I Get Paid by the Word” Dickens novel can’t be captured in just two hours and the portrayal of Lucie is, well, a lot, Ronald Colman’s Sydney and Blanche Yurka’s Madame De Farge are pitch-perfect, and it’s as moving as its source material. Crowd: 7.5/10 // Critic: 8.5/10

10. Good Reads

The incessant onslaught of more-TV-than-can-possibly-be-watched is reaching critical mass: 

“The Idol and Our Backlash Times,” NYTimes.com (2023)

“‘The End of Peak Television:’ Has the Era of Prestige TV Just Ground to a Halt?” TheGuardian.com (2023)

“Peak TV Is Over. Welcome to Trough TV,” slate.com (2023)

“From Warrior Nun to Three Women, TV Shows are Being Cancelled. Yet Somehow Emily in Paris Lives On,” TheGuardian.com (2023)

“Media's Succession Obsession,” axios.com (2023)

Thoughts on our moment in diversity in TV and movies: 

“Box Office: Early Summer Tentpoles Cash In, Fueled by Diverse Stars,” HollywoodReporter.com (2023) 

“‘Why is Bridgerton’s Race Twisting Acceptable?’ The Real Problem With the Show’s Black Fantasy,” TheGuardian.com (2023)

The Hollywood Reporter continues its impressive breadth of Writer’s Strike coverage: 

“Tom Hanks, Baby Jessica and Lessons from a Three Strike Writer,” HollywoodReport.com (2023)

“Guest Column: If Writers Lose the Standoff With Studios, It Hurts All Filmmakers,” HollywoodReporter.com (2023)

And a grab bag of pieces on baseball, basketball, and Beyoncé: 

“The Team Trying Very, Very Hard to Be the Worst in Baseball History,” slate.com (2023)

“Beyoncé Caused Sweden Inflation Bump, Expert Says,” politico.eu (2023)

“The 100 Most Significant Political Films of All Time,” NewRepublic.com (2023)

“The Flash Was Never Going to Run Away From Its Problems,” TheRinger.com (2023)

“Employee of the Month Rewarded With More Work,” vice.com (2023)

Also in June…

I’m processing a lot of emotions about what’s going on at Turner Classic Movies, and I’ve yet to figure out how to put them into words. Until I get there, I’m constantly adding to my list of movies I’ve watched thanks to the people who work there, and you can see the almost-350 of them on Letterboxd. 

Until the end of July, you can see what I’m watching in real time on Letterboxd. Yes, I’ve seen Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One; no I can’t talk about it until after the review embargo lifts on July 5th. 

Pending Twitter doesn’t self-implode before you read this, you can also find me there.

Photo credits: Bananarama, The Stone Roses, Good Reads. All others IMDb.com.

[just-two-blokes]

The Thomas Barrow Storyline in season five

Disclaimer: These are just my personal thoughts and ideas. I really liked the storyline in the fifth season but I do think that it is kinda overlooked and I just want to put some of my thoughts out here.

CW: Discussion about Thomas' suicide attempt and conversion therapy

I know that everyone is constantly talking about Thomas' storyline in the sixth season, because it is his toughest season and his suicide attempt is truly heartbreaking. But I do think people tend to forget about his storyline in the fifth season.

The two main problems (in my eyes) why this season is so often overlooked are the following:

Thomas trying to kill himself in the sixth season is such a sad, tragic and shocking turn of events that it instantly comes to mind as soon as you think of the character. And since the whole sixth season was a very sad season for Thomas, it is often seen as his "darkest" season. It completely overshadows the fifth season.

The second reason is that it is never clearly stated what really happened in season five. I have seen a lot of people on the internet who didn't even understand what Thomas was doing to himself in these episodes.

I think its important to know that Thomas was not just trying to play some fun little game with these injections. He was actively participating in a so called "conversion therapy" in order to "fix" his sexuality. Why? Because he thought he couldn't be happy the way he was. This probably happened because Jimmy (and therefore his only friend) left DA and everyone else around him was kinda coupled up or had at least a lot of friends in DA.

As a queer person myself who has struggled a long time until I managed to accept my sexuality, this storyline just hits different. My heart breaks evertime at this one line from Thomas.

'To change me. To make me more like other people. Other men'

I do live in a country where conversion therapy still legal (A lot of people would consider my country as a very modern country but believe me... there is some stuff that really needs to be resolved) and I tremble at the mere thought of all the people who went or are still going through this hell. And my country is certainly not the only one thats still going on with this.

Therefore, I wanted to shout out to this storyline. It isn't a useless or boring story. It is the story of Thomas Barrow trying to change who he is in order to live a happier life. But in the end, he seems to realize (and maybe also accept) that there is no drug or electric shock that achieves what he wants. And I do believe that in the end of the season, he is much more contempt and perhaps also a bit "confident" about who he is.

The storyline of this season isn't a boring or useless storyline. It shapes Thomas character and shows him, that he cannot change who he is.

'There is no drug or electric shock that achieves what you want'

Thomas has to come to terms that he cannot change his sexuality and he learns to embrace and perhaps also accept it up to some point. And I do think that his conversation with Phyllis helps him in this way.

'It shows that you are a very brave person'

Phyllis is not judging him or is making fun of him. She comforts him when he needs it and is not disgusted of it. I also believe that this is the storyline that draws Thomas closer to Phyllis and let their bond get stronger. It builds a great foundation for their storyline in the next season.

I don't believe that him being gay was one of the reasons why Thomas attempted suicide a season later. The sixth season was terrible to Thomas.

His colleagues kept him from Andy because they thought he would try something "indecent".

Andy himself was harsh and unkind to Thomas because everyone warned him about Thomas.

Thomas just wanted a friend and really tried hard helping Andy how to read. And how was he rewarded? Well.. you know for yourself.

Carson pressured Thomas into finding a new position even though the times were already a disaster for people in service.

These were all factors that led Thomas to do what he did. But I don't believe that it was his sexuality itself that made him try to commit suicide. Because he kinda lerned to accept it one season before.

Okay, I'm done. I just wanted to write down my thoughts on this story because it kinda haunts me and because the writing itself in this season is so subtle that it can easily be overlooked. I just wanted to give some credit to the fifth season because the storyline is one of my favourites.

Addition: I just checked google and apparently some people submitted a so called "Initiative" to ban conversion therapies in my country. So if we're lucky, we will be able to vote for it and I hope that at least the majority of my people got enough brain to vote 'yes' (to ban it ofc).

[afaimscorner]

The Flash 9x08

You, know, it took only 8 Episodes, but it finally hit me why this season sucks so much. Because when Allegra told Chester that she loved him, my brother joked that Chester will now combust into nothingness and I sayed: “Well, at least that would be interesting. And good for Allegra’s character” and then I realized: “The Flash” was done with Season 8. Season 9 sucks because nothing that is happening in the show anymore is interesting or fun. The most interesting thing this season was the stuff concerning Nia Nal last week, but Nia is not even a “Flash”-Character. The only remotley interesing sub-plots that the shows has are the ones, that are definitly not fun, because they are about real problems that don’t even get resolved.

Take this week, this was the fifth or sixth iteration of the Iris-Sub-Plot, that started in 9x01 and has still not been resolved and frankly can’t be resolved, which is why it is starting to feel so repetitative. Iris’ problem is: “I am not in charge of my life, my life is ruling me instead.” But now that she is pregnant and about to become a mother there is no cure for that, she can only get used to that. Barry can tell her a hundred more times that he will be by her side and he will support her, but that won’t change how she helpless she feels. She might “not regret getting pregnant”, but she is clearly not ready for it and by getting pregnant three months or so before she thought she would, she has lost the last shred of conrtol she felt, she had over her life. And 8 episodes of this plotline in, she still hasn’t figured out why the fact that she has no control but is a victim of a pre-written fate is hitting her so hard, but the reason is very obvious: Because she just spend the last two seasons being trapped in the Mirror Verse and being time sick, one after another. She had no control of her life since Eric Wallace did take over as showrunner and put her throught the ringer non-stop: First she thought Barry was about to die, then Eva got her, then she was responsible for the birth of the Forces, and then she got time sick. And now neither her careere nor her personal life are her own anymore. And feeling her body change just makes her feel helpless all over again. She decided to get pregnant before she got time sick. She thought the time sickness might be a pregnancy, but it was something horrible instead. Now, she is finally cured, only to learn that she only has a couple of month to live the life she wants to live before she gets pregnant, only to get pregnant early. Everyone keeps telling her how her life has to pan out, when she is supposed to get a Pulitzer for what, that she has to sell her company in order to get these Pulitzer etc. Of course she can’t deal. And there is nothing that can change that, only time can heal her, time she won’t get, because there are only five episodes left in this season. A  miscarriage would destroy her, while being pregnant will continue to make her miserable. Why would anyone ever come up which such a storyline?

Same goes for the Jocile-stuff, there is no fix for the situtation the writers put Cecile in.: Either she keeps living apart from her child and the man she loves, or she goes to court and takes Jenna away from Joe, which of course would never happen in this show, even though he is keeping her from her daughter and at the same time her job and her calling by dictating her his terms for how she is supposed to live, which is a way that is not healthy and can’t work out and won’t be fixed by Allegra living with Cecile, because Cecile misses her family, something that won’t go away just because someone else is living in the house with her now. Amd again: Why would someone ever do such a storyline? Yes, Jesse left the show, but since it is the last season and we had various season with less Joe or less Joe/Cecile interaction before, why resolve this issue by doing a storyline, that can not be resovled until the show ends?

And those two are the only interesting sub-plots the show still has to offer. Allegra und Chester have ceased to exist outside their romance with each other, everything around Khione is just the most horrible and annoying stuff that ever happened on the show, and Barry himself is not even there anymore as a character since Episode 2 of this season. He is just going from week to week and solving weekly problems that are not really interesting. The Red Death stuff did not work at all and the most interesting stuff in that storyline went to the guest stars. The same with Nia, she got the meat, the character development, Iris just go a temporary fix, that did not hold for a week.

And fun? They could not even do the comedy episode right, because the plan of the villain did not make a lick of sense. So there went the fun in that one. And Khione is not a funny character, she is just akward in a not-charming way.

It is so clear now, that there never were any plans for Season 9 and they are just improvising from episode to episode. This week, thanks to the lack of Khione, wasn’t even bad, it was just totally uninteresting.

I know, most people think that Episode 9 will be the turning point of the season, but let’s be realistic: there are only five episodes left. If eight are not good, and five episoded are good, it would still be a bad season. But why should the upcoming five episodes be any better then the eight we already got?

Westallen still will not liplock, the interesting storylines will still go to the guest stars, continuitiy will still be ignored, Khione will still drag evey episode she is in down by just being there, Iris and Cecile will still suffer, Mark will be back and fuck up again, and Barry, Allegra and Chester will still act holier-than-thou and will still have nothing going on for themselves outside their romantic lives and the villain of the week. Neither Oliver Queen nor Cobalt Blue will magicially fix this season. Because there are no stories left to be told, that we would actually like to see.

[ravens-recs]

In Honour of this milestone, I’ll be drifting out of manga recs and rate the best anime of this season:

In fifth place, I’ll have to place Welcome to Demon School, Iruma-Kun. A well-loved favourite, this fall season comes back with a third season that builds up on the potential of previous seasons while keeping the comedic timing and lovability of the manga. While there is always room for improvement, this anime simply cannot be looked down on, neither in animation nor voice-acting nor plot. Fans of My Hero Academia might find some familiarity in the anime but Welcome to Demon School, Iruma-kun comes with it’s own unique charm. I’m particularly a fan of the characterization, as though this anime is definitely a comedy, there are a lot of defining character moments that place it well above it’s peers. I love the season so far and expect great things from future episodes.

Coming up strong in fourth place, Blue Lock is a new anime that already boasts of a considerable fanbase. As someone who isn’t much of a fan of sports, I cannot claim an expert opinion on the accuracy of the sports depicted (though it’s probably more or less as believable as other sports anime.) However, as a fan of both Haikyuu and Days, I can say that Blue Lock takes the drama that is a staple of the genre to the extreme. But it’s done well. While edging the line of overdramatic edginess and semi-reasonable stakes, Blue Lock is…. well, fun. It does have a unique feature that seperates it from other sports anime, in that instead of competition between teams, the competition is between individuals. I admit to being a fan of the manga, but the anime has lived up to my expectations so far and I look forwards to seeing future episodes.

In the top three, Chainsaw Man cannot be overlooked. With animation that just holds back from being as gory as the manga, and the controversial use of CGI; Chainsaw Man has seemingly achieved the impossible task of living up to it’s hype. As an adaptation, it stays faithful to the source material and since the source material developed quite a large fandom, it seems safe enough to write that this anime will be a success. Honestly, Chainsaw Man is not of the soft-of-heart as it can get pretty damn tragic, but if you’re willing to stick it out it’s fully recommended. If nothing else, Denji Aki and Power are a trio you can’t help but love.

Second place has to be Mob Psycho 100. The Animation of Mob Psycho 100 is absolutely beautiful. I would rate it as one of the best animation currently airing on crunchyroll. Honestly, it would hit top five in this list for animation alone but what truly puts this anime on the map isn’t the animation but the characters. Reigen and Mob are outstanding. Watching both characters develop individually and together, is the highlight of this anime as the characterization and arc development is done so well it can bring you to tears. Suprisingly wholesome, Mob Psycho 100 could very well be number one on this list. It’s just that good.

And the absolute stunner of this season is the suprising Mobile Gundam: The Witch from Mercury. My favourite from this season has to be this anime. I’m going to be the first to admit I have not been a part of the gundam fandom… ever. But this series was so easy to follow that it did not appear to matter. The character design is amazing, absolutely elite, and the characterization even more so. But i’ve said this about every other anime on this list, so what makes this anime different? Why do I rank it first? Well, apart from everything else I have mentioned, the very first episode moved me to tears. It’s very hard to find an anime that provokes such depth of an emotion, and for Witch from Mercury to do it on the first try, without any other context from previous series was unprecedented. While this could be taken as biased reporting, I do hope you give this anime a try. The plot is wholesome, intriguing and has depth that’s quite hard to find.

[fyonnkalnonn]

I've been playing Fate/ Grand Order burning time until Fate/ Extra CCC comes out. I got to the Sixth Singularity in FGO, which, if you're not familiar, is a big chunk of content for FGO. In terms of content, a Singularity is roughly equivalent to a 8-13 episode season of anime. The prologue is mostly world-building, so it doesn't count. The first and second are just absolutely dire And Then They Went Here And Fought This Guy ad naseum. The third Singularity isn't much better, but the structural conceit fits what they were doing more, so it's more fun just by way of having more types of thing happen. The fourth Singularity is a sudden step up thanks to a very different scenario and a brief glimpse of Fate-esque mechanics, if not storytelling. The fifth Singularity is almost entirely Good, like the scenario and scene writers (who I assume are the same people, honestly) really had some Ideas and went for them, just kind of hit their stride in a real way.

And suddenly. Kinoko motherfucking Nasu is writing the Sixth Singularity, making the quality of the scenario and writing leap into the fucking stratosphere. I have like four or five screenshots of the first scene in the Sixth Singularity alone. Stuff is happening! There are a few scenes that are Nasu having to paper over just how casual the characters are about personal information in the personal information intel war death game franchise's gacha adaptation. Characters have relationships with each other, and I don't mean romantically, I mean characters have social roles they play for each other beyond "Hello I'm [teen dragon idol]. Watch how good I am at [teen dragon idol]! Hahahaha the joke is that I'm not good at [teen dragon idol]. I'll be here all week. Oh no, monsters I guess, time for gameplay~"

Characters have real stakes and make real sacrifices. The game finally acknowledges that people die. That's right, it took me getting to level fucking 85 (out of a maximum of 160) before the franchise in which people keep fighting despite being [horrifying physical trauma description redacted] so frequently that there's in-universe terminology for how and why that can happen featured a single human bystander dying. And though it still doesn't have the room to breathe that it should because gacha, the weight of people dying, the weight of the stakes, the horror inherent to the scenario feels real and tangible.

And now... I'm so mad at FGO's engine. They made an engine that can't display three lines of text at the same time, and despite being based on a visual novel franchise, they declined to steal the one iconic move of Type-Moon, the nearly full-screen dimmed text box for description / interiority. Nasu still makes it work sometimes, though because of the format it's not clear when a character is thinking or speaking. (This is also a problem in Fate/ Extra and Fate/ Stay Night, though, so I think Nasu just likes to bleed the edges between interiority and exteriority sometimes.) The other consequence of this is that characters have to do that goofy "verbally describing what's happening" thing which is... like. This is already a text format of storytelling, you're really telling me you can't omit a character name at the top of the message box???

[cyarskj52]

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=pfbid0282rcVGfJc3oxiHpfepE3NVhYEJ5mmjtzXGkf4RxoE6CopRMtQ2F9GQLRFatfCj7ml&id=26423400230&mibextid=ncKXMAHOMELATESTCULTUREENTERTAINMENTBEAUTY/STYLEAWARDS SEASON 2023

TELEVISION

Can The Weeknd Rebound From The Idol’s Failure?

The ‘Earned It’ singer’s HBO drama is ending early after airing only five episodes.

By

Stephanie Holland

Published55 minutes ago

We may earn a commission from links on this page.

Our long national nightmare is finally over.

After five episodes, an avalanche of criticism, and countless tweets wondering “What the hell am I watching?,” Abel “The Weeknd” Tesfaye’s HBO drama, The Idol, is ending. Though the series was originally supposed to be six episodes long, this Sunday’s fifth episode, “Jocelyn Forever” is being called the season finale. Sources are saying that it was always supposed to be five episodes, according to TV Line. That may be true, but it’s hard not to think that the relentless scrutiny the series was under didn’t play a role in its early exit.

Watch

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Deon Cole Talks Average Joe, Black-ish, and What He'd Do With A Small Fortune

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Friday 6:36PM

Idris Elba In AppleTV+'s Hijack Is What's Black On TV This Week

Friday 5:13PM

The Idol stars Lily-Rose Depp as embattled pop star Jocelyn, who finds herself wrapped up in a cult with mysterious club owner Tedros, played by Tesfaye. On the surface, that sounds like a somewhat interesting premise, but the series has totally failed in its execution of anything remotely resembling an entertaining TV show. The dialogue is jaw-droppingly bad, while nothing in the story seems to make any kind of sense.

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Honestly, this is probably one of those shows that never should have been made in the first place. It had a weird, uncomfortable vibe around it right from the start. Once it underwent multiple creative changes, with cast and crew exiting the project and Sam Levinson (Euphoria) taking over as director, that should’ve signaled to everyone involved that this project was dead in the water.

Then, before its premiere, stories began to circulate about the explicit, bordering on exploitative, sexual aspects of Depp’s character. Once the series actually hit the air, the reaction didn’t get much better, as reviews ranged from loathing it, to straight-up ignoring it. It currently stands at 24 percent on Rotten Tomatoes. After the second episode featured a particularly cringeyscene, where Tedros directs Jocelyn through a series of sexual poses and situations, viewers seemed completely done with this nonsense. While Tesfaye says they were trying to make the viewer feel uncomfortable, it just came off as gratuitous and gross.

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The Weeknd is one of the most uniquely creative artists in the industry. He probably already has 10 wildly different projects lined up and is ready for the next challenge. I hope he learns from this experience and realizes that it’s great to push the envelope, but he also has to learn that those shocking, jaw-dropping moments have to be earned. And when the audience is telling you something is deeply uncomfortable and has crossed a line they won’t follow you over, it’s OK to listen to them. He also needs to know that as an artist your credibility will only buy you one, maybe two, of these high-profile failures. We encourage our favorites to take risks, but be smart about it.Start

Sent from my iPhone

[septic-heapass]

Season 4 Finale Thoughts

!!WARNING!! SEASON FOUR FINALE SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

So I finally got the chance to watch the finale. And oh my god it was a wild ride.

- First of all, I was so relieved to see everyone alive and well. I don’t know what I would have done if any of them had died.

- Second, YAY CONNER IS BACK. I CRIED SO HARD SEEING HIM BACK TO NORMAL. I MISSED HIM SO MUCH. I knew by the upcoming comic that he would be okay but still

- Third, damn that fight between the Els and the Zods had me on the edge of my seat. I’m definitely going to go back and rewatch the episode just so I can see it all now that I know what happens.

- Fourth, I’m so happy to finally see M’gann and Conner married. Ten years their time, even longer our time, I’ll just say IT’S ABOUT DAMN TIME. I can’t wait to see what happens from here.

- Fifth, oh my god that end credits scene. I knew Mary would join Darkseid’s crew but KARA?!?!?! HELLO???? I WANTED TO SEE HER BUT NOT LIKE THIS :((

It was such an amazing finale. By far the most intense and exciting one to date. Everyone outdid themselves.

I really hope we get a season five. There is even more stuff now that I want to see the end results of.

Yes, I still have hopes that Wally will somehow return, and yes I know it’s far-fetched at this point but don’t burst my bubble. If you don’t think he’s coming back, fine. But I do.

I also want to see M’comm getting his ass thoroughly kicked because god I hate him so much. He very much deserves it at this point.

I’m also interested in possibly seeing Ursa with baby Lor? I was shocked that she was already pregnant but I also somehow expected it. I wanna see if we’ll get to see their story and watch Lor grow up. All the while, it was damn satisfying to see him die in the very blast he tried to use to kill Conner

I’m already hitting that post-finale depression. I hope that the show comes back. I’m also excited to read the new comics next month. I can’t wait to see how far into the future they are.

I love this show so much and I’ll never regret sitting in front of my tv all those years ago to see my favorite heroes in a new universe for the first time.

[crazy56u]

I am really getting annoyed with the fact that personal issues are making me play catch up with the show every other week, especially since apparently shit went down at the end of this one.

Let’s dance.

Last time on Quantum Leap: Ben remembered he was engaged to Addison. This week? Back to the Future III!

“You just got here, and now you wanna leave?! that’s right bitch, we’re getting into the relationship drama at the fucking top!”

This is turning into Reverse High Noon. “How dare you wanna fucking leave and not stay and fight!”

I still say that set is from Westworld.

“Look, Addison, I had coffee with Ian yesterday, you wanna jog Ben’s memory, go nuts.”

Magic just gave Addison permission to double down on the relationship BS.

Yep. 1879 in the fifth episode. It took Sam five seasons to hit the 1800s, that’s how you know Ben is wild as fuck.

“Joe, stop antagonizing Mad Dog Tannen and go get drunk.”

First blood.

“(Western accent) Resistance is futile, y’all!”

“Salvation’s salvation” Subtle.

“Look, no one here wants any further violence. You already killed a guy, that’s all you need.”

“Look, I wanna help, but I don’t feel like killing.”

“Ah man, all this potential death shit sucks- oh shit, my fiancé!”

Unless I’m wrong, excluding “Atlantis”, all of Ben’s leaps this far have take place in the western half of the States.

How is Ben being a bigger Western nerd than Sam was?

Wow, this really is Back to the Future III; Ben just got served the shit water!

Moral of the story: Fuck hydration, get tanked instead.

Ben, it’s 1876. She would only be “too young” to be in a bar if she was less than five years old.

Ben is getting a crash course in how the Gold Rush actually sucked in the long term.

Ben, believe it or not, Salvation is the most racially diverse town in the old West, this place is like Disneyland.

I am willing to bet Salvation invented woman’s suffrage before the rest of the country.

And now Ben is strapped.

“Violence only begets more violence,” said no one in the fucking Old West.

“In San Francisco, we throw money at the problem “ “We don’t have any!” “Not yet! I’m gonna go rob a train-”

Ian is literally swinging for the fences right now. “Look, fuck the Old West. John Wayne can kiss my ass.”

“Okay, look, here’s the deal, a Congressperson is here right now, so we need to pretend we’re not working, otherwise we’re fucked, so shut up about the Old West.”

One of the downsides of every episode so far taking place over, like, a week for the Project: Congress finds shit out fast, and they will breathe down your fucking neck.

Translation: “Look, Magic, I know Ben fucking leaped, tell me why I shouldn’t shut this place down yesterday.”

And there’s the Pentagon, ruining shit once again!

“You wanna see Ben? Look, just because my name is Magic doesn’t mean I’m a fucking magician.”

“He’s currently off-site.” “Until when?” “…well, I mean, we just got the full season order, but a renewal is currently in the air…”

“Look, something is fucking going on, I wanna talk to everyone right now. …I mean, one at a time, I got all day.”

Ernie Hudson is too old for this shit.

Died of liver failure? Probably drank too much of the water.

I choose to believe they literally ran a train off the tracks through the town, just to brag about it.

No, not like that, get your fucking mind out of the gutter.

“Look, there’s a reward out there for him and his gang.” Huh, so money is the solution!

[Munch break]

The deputies just quit rather than face the bad guy. Maybe this is less “Reverse High Noon” and more just flat out “High Noon”.

“I heard you were talkin’ about throwing money at problems, so I decided ‘You know what, that’s smart!’”

“Look, I ain’t leaving.” “Okay, cool, have a gun as a present.”

“Look, Ben, you need to take a man’s life. It’s been five episodes, it’s time.”

“This can’t be right… I mean, shooting cans, what is this, Wild Gunman?!”

“Look, Ziggy says-” “Ziggy hasn’t said shit all series so far, we’re five episodes in, Addison!”

Moral of the story: While killing may suck, it’s justified if the guy you kill sucks.

Ben, keep preaching non-violence in the Old Fucking West, see where that gets ya.

“Look, Ben, I was in Afghanistan, shut up, nut up, and shoot that can.”

“Have I ever fired a gun?” Translation: “Am I cool?”

“I am in the body of an old man, past his prime as a gunslinger!” “So was Sam at one point, and he actually outdrew a man in a duel! Pick a new excuse!”

“Look, Ben, this is reminding me way too much of when I taught you how to box, and excluding blacking out, I almost got a stomach ulcer that day, so please stop being pedantic?”

Did Ben really just fucking say “Look, you want to see me shoot a can, make it worth my wild”?

“Boy, you know what all this gun talk has put me in the mood for? Lore.”

The best way to start dating: Getting trashed on Chinese food.

Ben, you would suck at Duck Hunt.

I love how Henry immediately proves how much cooler he is than Ben.

“Friendly check-in” my ass, this is basically the same as being dragged into the principal’s office.

I love how Addison is going the Pokémon route and only saying catchphrases. “Yes, ma’am. Yes, ma’am. Yes, ma’am.”

“So, when’s the last time you saw your fiancé?” There is a version of this episode where Addison promptly walks around the table to punch this person in the face.

“Is there anything going on here that I should know about?” “Do the words ‘Get lost’ mean anything to you?”

How much time passed for Ben between scenes, cause he and Henry did not move.

Salvation: The Best Place on Earth.

“I better give this one last shot.” Probably literally, I think you burnt through most of your ammo.

Ben, you fucking suck at shooting, dear God.

Okay, “kidding” be damned, actually hearing him say “Ancient Chinese secret” made me cringe.

How many languages does Ben know?

Okay, it is a dick fucking move trying to burn the set down mid-filming, dude.

Or blowing it up, what the fuck?

“You’re a coward!” She’s not wrong!

Oh great, now Jen is under the microscope.

And of course Jen used to hack bitcoin.

If I didn’t know better, I’d assume Janis leapt into this person to try and shit the Project down.

And we catch back up to Ben, getting crunk.

“Why would I do this to us?” I dunno, Janis has something to do with it…

“Look, it’s not my body, so fuck it, let’s get turnt.”

“Look, I’m sad and drunk, I’m fucking off.”

I love how that one guy saw all of that, and is choosing to not comment on the fact Ben was yelling at ghosts.

Valentina is going out guns blazing, quite literally. Serves you right for getting sad and drunk.

Okay, points for Mad Dog Tannen. “She tried to kill me, but I didn’t kill her. I’m fair, damnit.”

“I know what we need to do, here. Two words. High. Noon.”

“Have your guns back, see ya.”

Good news: Ben is going to shoot someone. Bad news: Ben can’t shoot for shit.

Plot twist: Ben is gonna round up all the NPCs to gang up on Mad Dog.

“Look, we are the only salvation for Salvation, we get them alive, we get $10,000. We need to get inventive here.”

I choose to believe Ian was spewing techno bullshit and was just making up things.

Wow, they are actually fucking acknowledging the existence of DDOSes.

“It’s like when a hacker floods the toilet. All that data spills out everywhere, and you can’t flush again until all that data is put back.”

“You wouldn’t be spewing techno bullshit right now to distract me, would you?” “Look, I was in Sandman, would I lie?”

Oh shit, she did math, they are fucked.

The nuclear option: “Look, I just got leaked some juicy info, leave or it goes on Twitter.”

“How far would you be willing to go to save Quantum Leap?” NBC is fucking playing Chicken at this point.

And now Ben is introducing the town to the Kevin McCallister Tips and Tricks Guide.

Ben is now the one playing Chicken.

“Let us take you.” Phrasing.

The Johnny Cash maneuver!

“THROW THE POPPERS, MEN!”

The random old man approves.

Now to poison them!

Welcome to the shark cage, bitch boy.

“…okay, I can admit when I’m fucked. Well played.”

And to think, no one died. There were burns, dragging, and smokebombs, but no one died. That’s the important thing.

“Look, I know Ben leaped, tell me why I shouldn’t kick this info up the chain?” “I think your dead brother would not approve of you being a dick right now, ma’am.” “What the fuck?” “NUCLEAR OPTION, BITCH!”

“Look, blackmail is a dirty word, but if you shut the Project down, we go to Twitter.”

“I can promise you Ben will probably save your brother, please just be cool?”

“…okay, I can admit when I’ve been had. See ya.”

I will fucking laugh if Ben manages to leap into her/her brother by pure happenstance before the season is out.

Party time!

“Look, sooner or later, that railroad will fuck us over.” “Yeah, but there’s a copper deposit near by, so…”

Telephone? That won’t catch on…

Ben, it is only through the grace of God that no one is noticing you talking to ghosts out loud in this crowded saloon.

Okay, never mind, that one guy is back.

…

…

…

…alrighty…

So…

Um…

…

…

…

…I think we now know why Ben was so insistent on leaping early…

[Next time on Quantum Leap: “Wow, wasn’t that wacky, there’s another leaper, wild, so anyway, you know the pilot was originally about the 1989 earthquake, let’s do that now, huh?”]

Final thoughts: They really fucking did that in the last 30 seconds, huh…