#I just get so nervous and scared
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Sometimes I wonder if certain fandoms are familiar with my work due to me self shipping with certain characters and how much that actually terrifies me.
#ANXIETY ACTING UP AGAIN SORRY#but fr tho I always feel like I’m embarrassing myself in front of other fans#like I’m that person who they all ‘😒 it’s her again’ type of thing#like I don’t mind fandom blogs following me but at the same time I wish I was more active with interacting with other fans#like I don’t want to bother folks either or have them think I don’t want to interact#I just get so nervous and scared#so I end up just keeping to myself but I want to interact so badly#ventish#maybe???#💬 chy chatter 💬
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"Say My Name."
Tumblr "Poll Results" for my #HHStargazersAU are out and so I'm releasing ALL the currently available titles of my future posts for this story!!! Though to not completely spoil the plot for everyone, I redacted some parts on the list. Just know that, while I DO have plans, they could always change and not everything is complete. But if you're still willing to be patient with me, here's a taste of my writing and art! Nothing serious. Just to see if it's to your liking. I won't always stick to such style, but there WILL be consistent world building as it's my favorite part of starting any AU! And if you like Chaggie or queerplatonic Radioapple centric stories then you're in luck because that's EVERYTHING I'm here for! It'll take a lot of effort, but GOD will it also be a LOT of fun! XD Still a show is nothing without an audience and according to my list, it's time for an INTEREST CHECK, so what say you? 👀✨️ -Bubbly💙
(For more context, check out "Part One" of my story! "A New Day Will Dawn...")
#I don't know why I'm so scared to post this#it's been ready all day#spacebubblearts#HHStargazersAU#radioapple#chaggie#human au#hazbin alastor#lucifer morningstar#charlie morningstar#hazbin vaggie#hazbin hotel#world building#poll results#queerplatonic#romantic#or not#I just wanna have some fun ^v^#A.K.A. what happens when a fluff artist gets carried away#why am I so nervous that this will flop?#To be fair I never voted so the poll was never influenced by me nor did I peek at the odds before the week was done#interest check#I need to know what kind of audience I'm dealing with#I do have other commitments afterall#hazbin ships#alastor x lucifer#lucifer x alastor#charlie x vaggie#vaggie x charlie#Can't wait for the girls' part in particular
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I want. Four to get appreciation. Because
Four gave a ton of unnoticed help when Twilight was injured
The fight with Wild was difficult, and I know we're all concerned about his negative view of the shadow crystal
But Four did something that no one else really thought of to help- He took care of Twi's stuff
From the beginning he told Twilight to not worry about them
So Four took care of pretty much everything but the others (that Sky and Wars handled)
He took care of Epona
Which is so very important- he took care of Twilight's horse. After her arrival at the stable Four followed up on her
And for Epona, a horse so attached to her human, having some company can help so much for reassurance
He took care of Twilight's stuff
He got Twi's shield- his bags and equipment, and organized it into one place
And he was worried. He obviously found the shadow crystal while handling Twi's stuff, but his negative reactions to it were out of concern.
Also- because of his placement in this scene
I'm fairly convinced Four was ready to start cooking before Wild showed up (since he's beside the counter with food supplies). At the very least he had the basket of fruit out for everyone -but he was literally standing with food behind him- he thought of everything
And he did housekeeping!
Wars payed for the inn, so Four took care of the inn
Realistically these boys were probably not too concerned with tidyness. Four got all of Twi's things on one table, and took care of the room they stayed in
Organizing tables and Twi's things, having food supplies ready, and opening the curtains- overall he was the one tidying up the inn
Four helped in a huge way! He took care of Twi's horse (Epona is so important), his equipment and shield and bag, as well as the other rooms in the inn
Four filled in all the little tasks that others didn't think of. He helped in ways that were needed, but not obvious
There's a lot of problems with the shadow crystal and with Wild, and I don't know what's gonna happen in the future
But don't forget this- don't forget that Four was one who stepped up in an almost unnoticeable way
Don't forget that when everyone was barely holding it together, Four visited Twilight's horse and took care of his things
No matter what develops in the future- this amount of care shown is important ya know?
.
Art and comic from Jojo @linkeduniverse au :)))
#epona is so important#Lu four#linkeduniverse#linked universe#I work with horses and#Epona is INCREDIBLE- she's extremely attuned to humans and emotions. she doesn't scare easily and can keep her cool in a fight#but it's still super stressful to suddenly be in a fairly large and populated town- separated from her person#and for such an empathetic horse? Four going and TALKING to her- gently petting her nose and just being near her#means so so much! that literally matters so much to a horses mental state in a foreign situation- just having company#he checked on Epona and gave her company like !!!!!! it's so considerate and means so much for Epona! Four I love you !!!!!#uhhhh yeah!#with the food- I don't think the innkeeper would have free/complimentary food out- but wars wallet def had it covered#then wild showed up with potions in a cooking frenzy- but four was still shown with food behind him- he thought of everything#I don't know what's gonna happen with the shadow crystal and stuff. but no matter what happens in the future- this matters.#he did a ton of small things no one else thought of it matters he cares so much didjdkdksjfjj#I have a lot of posts I'm making/editing and trying to get to. I'm just a little gal trying my best :/#so many ideas and so little time... I love you guys and this fandom so much :))#(if I said anything off or offensive let me know... I'm always nervous about that but I want to hear from you if I'm wrong)#(also you are so so cool and valuable don't forget that ok? I love you and you are important)#:)
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[intro]
Bakugou is a prideful, arrogant person. He holds himself to the highest standard; he is the best and everyone else is simply below him. Everything he has ever done was in pursuit of being number one, shining above the rest. He has to have a perfect victory, he has to be a perfect student, he has to win to save.
He pushes and pushes and won’t let anyone see his weaknesses or his insecurities. He can never lose, he can never fail, he can never show that he regrets or hesitates or that he hasn’t thought everything through. He must never be vulnerable in every sense of the word.
Then why is he standing in the rain.
To apologize shouldn’t be a sacrifice, but it is for Bakugou. To pour his feelings, to admit his wrong, to let down all of the walls he has built and be vulnerable. And in front of his whole class.
He is willing to sacrifice his pride, to fully sacrifice any superiority he could have, to bare his soul and even risk rejection. Because he knows Midoriya is more important. Because he wants him to come home, he wants him to know his true feelings, because he wants things to change.
Because Midoriya has changed him. Midoriya has opened his eyes; by showing him he’s allowed to be open, that his feelings should be expressed, that he has so much to learn, and so much of that was learned through Midoriya just existing.
He isn’t sacrificing his safety frivolously because he’s expected to as a hero; he is doing it because he has grown. He is doing it because he has finally admitted to himself that he wants Midoriya to be with him and safe.
So I will sacrifice this for you. Not because it will change anything, as much as I want that I know that I can’t just fix all the wrong with just this. And I am willing to do as much as it takes to earn your forgiveness. But I don’t need that from you, not now and not ever if you don’t want that, I just need you to rest. I did so much wrong. And I am sorry for everything. You don’t have to do this alone. Lean on us. You are so strong and being supported doesn’t discount that. You’ve taught me that.
I hate the rain. But I will brave it for you.
He would do everything in his power, admit so many things, just to get Midoriya to take care of himself. We see him being the most vulnerable he has ever been in front of people that aren’t Midoriya. He does so much completely out of character, all in pursuit of being there for Midoriya.
For Izuku.
He finally gets over himself and finally tells Midoriya the feelings he has felt for so long.
He lets go of this idea he is inherently better and finally acknowledges that his hatred for Midoriya has always been about his own shortcomings and insecurities. But he still wants to be better, they are still rivals. He isn’t going to sacrifice that part of him because that is just who he is; he is still going to push to number one.
But now it’s different.
There is verbal and vocal acceptance and respect. Before it was unspoken; their relationship had changed ever since Ground Beta. They were proper rivals, with mutual respect and care, they were actively making each other better.
But Bakugo finally verbalizes it and tells Midoriya, not only is he sorry, but he wants to actually have a proper friendship; he wants to continue to become better and earn his forgiveness. He wants them to push each other to be better, he wants to continue to fight for the top spot, he still wants to be the best.
But when did it become something else?
When was the turning point when it started to shift from wanting to surpass Midoriya and be the best, to wanting to keep up with Midoriya and stay by his side?
Bakugou has already sacrificed himself for Midoriya before. His body moved on its own; with no hesitation, he would save Midoriya. He has already risked his life for him. But there is a layer to it that I don’t think people talk about.
He tells Midoriya he shouldn’t try to win this on his own.
He disguises his concern with an insistence that he’s in it to fight for himself when he initially joins the battle. But it is to fight by Midoriya’s side and support him.
But taking the hit for Midoriya, jumping in the way isn’t just support. This is sacrifice. This is giving yourself to ensure the safety of someone. And it was second nature.
There are two reasons and both are a sacrifice of something in the moment.
It is knowing someone is so valuable, so great, in all senses of the word, that they must be protected. Bakugou is sacrificing his body and admitting that Midoriya needs to stay alive, for personal reasons and/or for the world. He needs Midoriya to be okay, Midoriya can’t fight alone and Bakugou will do anything to make sure he will be okay.
But the sacrifice of ideology.
With every development, he has relinquished parts of himself. When he sacrifices himself he is not only sacrificing his body but is admitting that he can’t do this on his own; he needs Midoriya too. This isn’t him wanting to be better than Midoriya, it’s him wanting to do it together.
Midoriya changed him.
He doesn’t die for Midoriya. He wakes up and just as his last thought was Midoriya, so was his first as he woke up. He runs to his side. People are dragging him back, trying to have him rest, knowing before he even said anything that he would lose his mind over Midoriya’s situation.
Everyone sees how Bakugou feels about Midoriya.
He sacrifices himself because Midoriya can not die on him. Midoriya has to stay alive. Midoriya has to keep fighting.
There can not be a world that doesn’t have him in it.
This is the culmination of what has been developing ever since the final exam where Bakugou finally works with Midoriya; the day that win to save, save to win was noticed. Then furthered after Ground Beta where they finally talked to each other and something changed within them both.
But the final sacrifice is the culmination of Bakugou’s character.
He knows what this decision will mean. Everyone screams for him not to. He knows that he is going to die. He knows he will not win this fight.
This isn’t dying for the cause. This isn’t just a hero complex. This is because he can help Midoriya and he will. This is for Izuku.
I will sacrifice myself for you. To give you more time, to give you even the slightest chance of winning. I will sacrifice myself for you because you are who can win. I am going to die. I am going to die and in my final thoughts, I will ask if I will still be able to be by your side.
It is no longer can I beat you. It is no longer can I surpass you. It is can I still catch up to you. It is can I still even be equal to you. He has already sacrificed the idea that he could beat Midoriya, that isn’t what he wants anymore. What he wants is to stay here with him.
I will sacrifice everything I am. I have wanted to be the best. All my life I have wanted to surpass you and everyone around me. But you. I will let that go for you. I let it go in my mind for so long now and I have never wanted to admit it. Is it even possible? Is it even possible for me to catch up to you? Is it even possible for me to stay by your side. I can’t be that anymore. I am sacrificing even that now. I will never be number one now. I will never become the person I always dreamed to be. I will never surpass you. I am forever sacrificing that now. I will die here.
But can I still be with you?
The sacrifice of his life is him fully relinquishing everything he is, admitting that he can’t keep up, losing all of the progress he has made, letting go of everything that made up his character.
And the last thing on his mind is if he can still be able to be by Midoriya’s side.
He won’t let him go again.
#EDITED BC I REALIZED I DIDNT PUT A READ MORE SO IT MUST BE SO OBNOXIOUS#so I finally finished putting in the images and mustered up the courage to post it#I’m always so nervous about posting opinions or anything long bc I get super passionate and I’m scared it’s wrong—#i added pictures as evidence but in reality is was bc i was super insecure that no one would want to read all that--#the intro was so long and was also made to apply to both togachako and bakudeku so i just made it a masterpost instead#this is still very long i am sorry but i have so many thoughts#but like yeah this is just my little essay about sacrifice and love and how they’re intertwined#and it goes both ways#but that’s for another day and another essay#togachako follow the sacrifice and love perfectly#so I will probably write one for them as well… maybe#bkdk#bakudeku#bnha meta#bakudeku meta#bnha analysis#mha analysis#bnha spoilers#<- for the whole manga but cmon if ur reading this you know it all#bakugou katsuki#midoriya izuku
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#hi im j here 2 talk . saw this cow yday so i drew her and now u get 2 say hi#but omffgg my gd i dont know if any of u relate but i feel like my ability to socialize w others#specifically online and speciifically in interest-circles has gotten so much harder for no reason whatsoever#like im just becoming more self conscious ab how i portray myself and its so weird bc like . LIKEE I DONT KNOW like . ok#people r super njce . always super nice and reach out to me and talk w me or i reach out first and they respond and r soo sweet#and something happens in my brain where like . i feel like im suddenly like . inserting myself where i dont belong (not true) but why am i#the bus driver all of a sudden . in all of these situations . me when i just show up like hey#i think i j feel annoying >__< . and i dont want to bother other people but said people r literally never bothered ykwim like Will Reach Out#and im the one that pulls back but 4 no reason . i cant even think ab why i do that .why am i doing this 🧨#so many ppl i want to genuinely befriend in all of these spaces but im self sabotaging soo frwaking bad#literally rn thinking of some dms i left on read bc i panicked or mutuals ive talked w before who im nervous 2 be familiar w . hrmm#anyways . i kind of wish i had the ability 2 just talk to new people and not actually gaf ab the outcome#HELPP .. early tmblr or wcf or devart where u have thirty million friends 2 now where u r too scared 2 say hi to an almost friend .#me problem though . if not alr clear HEJAHHAAHA i think part of my reluctance also stems from the fact that i know i get this way#and so i dont want 2 rope someone else into that insecurity so i try to keep it at an arms length until i fix it#but i think i also know its a longer & more introspective thing to work on so i do need to just try anyways
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EVERYTHING about the second season of good omens that we have seen so far has me completely obsessed. it is literally everything i have dreamt of and i can't believe i get to just watch it all unfold before my two very eyes. jealous crowley??? give it to me !!!! the slow realization that they've been in love this whole time??? yes!!!! the painful pining, tiptoeing around each other because they just don't know how to proceed, this whole time they've had an excuse for being around each other because essentially they had to 'thwart' one another and had the arrangement but now they are completely free of their respective offices and now comes the question of 'oh, what actually are we?'. not to mention that they're celestial beings whose relationship exceeds any human understandings so they don't even know how to go about defining each other. and in the new clip released today we see aziraphale hesitate when he says 'he and i...go back a long time', because perhaps he wanted to say more but he isn't sure where they stand either and what crowley is okay with and i want to HUG neil gaiman for creating the most delicious dynamic i've ever seen in any piece of media. them eventually and finally coming together in the end will make me explode with the pent-up feelings of having to watch them slowly realize that their beings are interlaced and one can't exist without the other; they exist only because the other exists and they only make sense together. and they will find their ultimate purpose and meaning in love and in each other.
#JUST ME RANTING#i had to let it out im going to explode#NOT EVEN TO MENTION AZIRAPHALE BEING SO NERVOUS WHEN NINA MENTIONED GABRIEL#HE WAS SO SCARED OF CROWLEY GETTING THE WRONG IDEA#WHEN WILL THESE IDIOTS REALIZE THEY LOVE NO ONE AND NOTHING MORE THAN THEY LOVE EACH OTHER#THAT'S IT FROM ME !!!! GOODNIGHR#good omens#crowley#aziraphale#aziracrow#good omens season 2#good omens 2
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I don't know if I ask this before but can you do a picture of killer Croc I Don't think you draw him before
I have before! I don't draw waylon enough tbh. This is really old, so I need to do something new for him, but here's one!
Featuring my office girl OC that I've never shared here before 🥹 (she's offering him her snacks)
#i'll draw something new for him eventually! he's just a lot harder so i get scared/nervous gkdjfjdh#i apologize this is rougher than usual due to it being older but i do like this one! even with all its awkward posing/anatomy 🥹#killer croc#i didnt want to tag this bc it's not really my best but it's cute enough i think 😭#my art
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life update for any of those who keep up with pupkashi lore: I’m applying for grad school ! I’m so scared and nervous
#I’m going for a masters program in biomedical sciences !#if i get in it’ll boost my GPA for vet school applications so i really really need this to get into vet school 😞#Im gonna start on my application tmrw#i hope i finish everything on time it was in the air for a long time for me#i just wasn’t sure if i wanted to do another gap year or apply to vet school for next cycle#but i think this is ultimately the best decision for me to get my ducks in line#and hopefully get me a better chance for vet school and get in first or second try#perchance#okay I’m done rambling I’m just very scared and nervous and i have an immense fear of failure LOL !#jess talks
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part of growing up undiagnosed autistic is my mom talking about stereotypical autism traits that my diagnosed autistic brother definitely did not have but i did have
#spacie spoinks#like very specifically the aversion ta crowds#i would always wonder why i would get so nervous and want ta leave asap and my brother would. literally be chilling#my mom‚ literally just pretending my brother was experiencing symptoms: hey dont freak out!! whatever you do calm down!! we're leaving!!#my bro‚ chilling: aight#me: ohhh momtty i dont feel good aoooo ohhhh why is it so loud im realy scared for some reason rn#my mother: idgaf! pussy up rn!
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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One more scene from Fuuta-Es convos with @waivyjellyfish for now :3 I liked exploring Es' post-canon mindset as an ex-murder investigator... Like my other drabble, I don't have the details worked out but Milgram is over and they're living at the Kajiyamas' now.
What Fuuta didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.
It’s what Es told themself as they slipped into his clothes. They’d spotted the outfit at the bottom of Fuuta’s closet a few days ago, then decided to bide their time. With Fuuta and his sister downstairs having breakfast, there was a small window of opportunity now.
Es stuck their arm through the red-striped sleeve. They still didn’t know what possessed them to put it on.
Was it the appeal of something familiar? In a world devoid of all memories, they enjoyed the idea of putting on at least one outfit that they’d seen hundreds of times on their little music video screen. Is it possible to be comforted by someone else’s memories?
Was it old habits? They’d spent each trial doing anything and everything to feel closer to the prisoners. To take a peek into their minds. To step into their shoes. This was taking it a bit literally, they knew. Although everything was over and they had no reason to connect so deeply to any of the prisoners, Es couldn’t get away from the duty they’d obsessed over for so long.
Maybe it was just their troublesome curiosity, always driving them forward. There was a small part of them that hungered for more information, no matter the reason. They were perfectly aware that putting on Fuuta’s red and blue tracksuit would probably offer them absolutely nothing new, but they had to try. Something might be revealed to them, and they needed to know.
Es stood in front of the full length mirror. They turned one way. They turned the other way. They shifted their arms. They cocked their head.
Sure enough, nothing.
They took note of the little details. It was a little big on them, (though it wouldn’t take them long to catch up to Fuuta’s size). It was neither fashionable nor tacky. The material wasn’t exactly comfortable, but at least it felt warm.
But, did it make them feel any closer to Fuuta?
They contemplated a moment, thinking of all that he may have done in the outfit. There were so many classes these pants had walked to, so many arcade coins that these pockets had held. Es wondered if his friends ever nudged the shoulders of the jacket playfully. Maybe they weren’t the type. It had probably seen it’s share of all nighters. And also lazy days spent in bed, or sick days laid up on the couch.
They puffed their chest out, thinking of the confidence Fuuta may have had wearing this. They pulled the hood over their hair. It had likely seen just as much as his hesitance. How many times had he sunk into the thick material for an escape? Or was there an opposite effect – did he feel so comfortable in this that he could commit murder?
Es stared at themself.
There came some shuffling out in the hall. Before Es could move, Fuuta was shouting to his sister and bursting into the room.
“Will you get out of my fucking hair if I bring it to you right –” he froze. “Now...”
Es, too, was frozen in place, their eyes wide.
“I-I’m sorry.” They started unzipping the jacket. “I saw it and… I didn’t mean to –”
“ – It’s fine,” Fuuta muttered. He waved his hand dismissively. He started shuffling things around in his desk drawer, angling his head down, out of sight. His voice was strained, though it wasn’t as angry as Es had been expecting. “It’s not like I’m ever gonna wear it again.”
Es carefully folded the jacket over their arm. “I wasn’t trying to bring up the past. I was just…” What had they been doing?
“I said it’s fine.”
“I know it’s not.”
“You don’t know anything. Wear it every day for all I care. I was just gonna toss it.”
“You still can. Or, I can.”
“Nah.” Fuuta retrieved what he was looking for. He paused in the doorway, taking one last look over his shoulder. “Looks better on you, anyway.”
Es straightened in surprise as he left. They took another look in the mirror. They allowed themself a small smile. They might have undersold how comfortable it was.
Now that they were thinking of it, they did look pretty cool… Maybe that was all there was to it.
#milgram#es#fuuta kajiyama#instead of mvs jackalope should just let es wear the prisoners' murder outfits#adfasdf but really - theres always an interesting closeness that comes from sharing clothes#and i think investigator-brained es would be going crazy with Thoughts#i love the idea of them unable to stop analyzing the prisoners even when theres no need to anymore#it was their One And Only Purpose In Life for a long time and thats hard to shake you know?#also listen. i had to cut a line that ruined my dramatic flow but listen. fuuta was SO nervous wearing that when she died.#hed be scared and running home and sweating. and then hed refuse to touch it from the emotional pain so it would never get washed.#that thing is Boy Stinky im so sorry to break it to you -_-#thank you for the ideas pal!!! im taking a break now but im keeping the others in my back pocket - maybe to write more at some point 👀#drabbles
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i wonder why people seem to be so scared when im driving behind them for long periods of time and then i remember my drivers license photo makes me look like a serial killer and my neutral face isnt as neutral as i think it is
#someone i was behind today down a whole street got out of my way and then as soon as i passed them they got back in that lane#im not trying to kill you i just wanna go home 😭#this happens so often. people speeding up and getting scared after i follow them for a long time#like buddy im just going the same direction you are#i understand being nervous someones following you but i usually dismiss it most of the time
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^_^
#very very excited about surgery like i know in a year it wont even be an issue and ill be extra happy i did it#I've kinda gotten past the anesthesia fear and i lived thru the MRI needle in my awrm so#the IV wont be too horrendous.#so right now my biggest worry is the After....#ive seen ppl say they were mostly resting in bed for like 2 or 3 days#and after that they just had to take it easy to get around but idk. im so nervous about That Part.#+ i cant. fall asleep on my back. lol. im terrified#i rly hope im so exhausted on that first day that i jst knock out upon getting home ykwim#being too aware of pain in the body makes me feel cornered in it sometimes ykwim. like i want to jump out of it ! nervous#i rly hope it doesnt hurt too bad!!!!!!! i know ppl say it feels like sore abs after workout but idk. idk nervous#talkys#especially since i have work to do! i hate feeling lazy. i dont even take naps bc i feel like its laziness i cant be out of commission for#a couple of days. WAH.#my friend had an adjacent surgery and said she woke up in a lot of pain! they obvs administered pain management#immediately but oh god. ykwim. im scared of waking up in a lot of pain being in a lot of pain
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alright i was already intrigued by the premise of knight terrors: the joker but i'm SO fucking hyped now you're telling me rosenberg is elaborating on the divorce arc??? also dark workplace comedy is exactly where i hoped they'd go with this
#scared to get my hopes up bc rosenberg hasn't done much with the batman/joker dynamic so idk his take on it#i think he has a solid understanding of joker as a character#and i'm beyond thrilled at the possibility that they're not just ignoring endgame and joker war and all that shit#joker trying to do his own thing and be his own person without batman is the logical next step#and i'm glad rosenberg managed to salvage something out of the raging dumpster fire that was tynion's take on joker#also mildly concerned about where this might go bc personally i like it when joker has no identity or purpose outside of batman#to me that's what defines joker. his lack of a stable identity and willingness to change to be what he thinks batman needs him to be#and idk if rosenberg is talking about in the nightmare or irl but my assumption is the nightmare will be reflected in the main narrative#rosenberg is also like. genuinely funny. to me at least. so i'm excited. just a bit nervous for what this might mean for the batman/joker#dynamic moving forward. idk#uhhh#batjokes#joker#knight terrors: the joker
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Surgery day today 👀
#wouldn’t say i’m scared of this surgery just a little nervous bc this is my first time under general anesthesia#finally getting rid of this fcking tumor (benign!) in my breast#and the anxiety inducing discharge will finally stop everyone cheered yay#would’ve had this surgery over a year ago but my health wasn’t good enough back then so i decided to wait until it is#now i’m feeling quite well <3#personal
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There are so many posts I want to make, but I feel like there's something blocking me from posting ...
#I have been posting a bit more‚ lately‚ but there's so many things I want to talk about that I just ... don't#it's the equivalent of the words getting lodged in my throat and not coming out‚ but with tumblr posts#hopefully this is just because I have so much anxiety about Wednesday ... do we think 230 pulls will be enough for everything ...?#also I may as well be blunt--I am very nervous about Heathcliff's design for his ID#because I know he's getting something--he's the only Sinner without a WN ID/E.G.O so logic dictates he's getting one this time#but ... agh. of course he's who got spoiled. and certain things make me worry I may not like it#and idk about anyone else‚ but the fear of not liking my favorite character isn't fun#I know I'll probably like it--I always end up liking his IDs and E.G.O‚ even if they get spoiled‚ after all#(Pequod and Fell Bullet for example ... and Wild Hunt grew on me--fun fact‚ I did not like him at first--#--because he's the only ID anyone cared about him getting ... when he has so many other great IDs)#I'm just scared‚ okay!!#he's my favorite character of pretty much all time‚ and I don't want to dislike something he gets ;~;#scattered pages
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