#I just find it weird when I use black
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*throws this at you* GET BUNNYDOLLED MUAHAHAHHAHA
au belongs to @justwantswafflefries! they made a really cool au, check it out!! <333
#not really the best doodles hehehe#uhsdmfhfj#I love this au so muchhhhh#the amazing digital circus#digital circus#tadc#the amazing digital circus jax#digital circus jax#tadc jax#jax#the amazing digital circus ragatha#digital circus ragatha#tadc ragatha#ragatha#bunnydoll#bunny doll#jax x ragatha#ragatha x jax#art#digital art#artist on tumblr#YIPPEE#:D#TY FOR LETTING ME DRAW THIS JNDHVBDHKDN#sorry my sketches are always blue-#ndhdfjd#I just find it weird when I use black
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Champion of US Open 2024, Jannik Sinner.
#Jannik Sinner#Tennis#tennisedits#US Open 2024#f:gfx#alright the thing about sans script is that i cant find a good one most of the time and when i have a good one;#the one im using here; the way i can't play arou d with the spacing too much or else it'll look ugly as hell#also; black and white bcs it is boss staple agdksge i dont really wanna go 3d-ish like i did before because:#resource photos are not as helpful to as what i wanted to do and limited shots didnt allow it so it'll look weird if i proceed with it#so we go for a flat look!; then i was stuck with the colour palette#and i thought HEY taylor wore black so why not we just go with that and yeah this is me happily go with it#bcs; i love my gray spectrum choices; they're good for the eyes and the contrast is good for a basic palette#another reason why the gray palette; i love the jacket's colour so much so i want it to stand out#saurrrrrryeaaaa#+tmi; this was a little late bcs i had sth else to do and boom period pain hits and honestly i had to sleep most of the time#[and i need to publish this asap before i hate it even more 💀]#quote; from haikyuu (again lmfao) I GET IT BUT WTV SHSKSGSJS
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don't get me wrong i do like the jentry chau vs the underworld show, but there is something deeply annoying about there managing to be a "black disposable girlfriend/partner" trope sneak in a show that actively attempts at having good diverse representation. it was so unnecessary to introduce a girlfriend in the background for like 2 episodes just for the male lead to cheat on her with the main girl. and the audience is supposed to gloss over that a random black girl's whole existence is to be seen as annoying for being "in the way" of a romantic dynamic that will be soon established, and to push the most obvious main canon ship ever?
#jentry chau vs the underworld#jcvtu#jentry chau spoilers#spoilers#and yes i can definitely tell the audience was suppose to find *this* girlfriend specifically annoying and a threat#because jentry did not have this much hatred for stella when she was his girlfriend... but suddenly its a bigger problem#when micheal has *her* as his girlfriend lol#and also with this trope they had to use the “love interest cheats on current background partner with MC with show how much#they *love* them" trope which is to me very annoying as well. and such a weird way to frame the act of cheating#i just wish brown-skinned love interests (especially black girls) didnt have to be treated like this constantly#sunny's thoughts#sunny.txt
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always remember to take white ppls opinion on ur gender with 10000 grains of salt. they Do Not Know, even if they're tryna be nice
#nnstuff#rambling#when i was tryna find a gender label as a teen i wanted one coined by a black person#tho i didnt know why. i just didnt relate to a lotta the other gender labels. thats how i ennded up with maverique#but i do know why now!! i know why after reading other black trans peoples wriitngs!!#also: maverique is just infinitely better than most gender labels#a lot of them were weird. they didnt work in sentences the way that maverique does#you can say im a man/woman/maverique. you cant say i'm an aporagender#the issue i had with so many of them was that they ended with Gender and like. thats not how i wanna use a word for my gender#i wanna have 1 word that means the thing like man/woman. so maverique is pretty good. also its sounds best#and the flag colors are good i like them#what was my point? whatever
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careful there, howard. lying is a sin.
#what i find so interesting is that she always falls back on the descriptor of perfect#when she could choose literally ANY other word#because human perfection is something that is biblically! impossible!#but she functions in such a black and white world that there is either failure or perfection#she does not–cannot–exist in the inbetween#because barbara howard? doesn't have a weird thing about her#she uses words like bible and blessing and BLAMELESS#she does not succumb to the fire and she's fine. just fine#please write that down
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transmascs stop pretending that transfems are untrustworthy sources for transfeminism challenge impos- fuck i didn't even finish and you already complained about our terminology
#i really hate the expectation to know theory in these shit communities#they're barely communities it feels like on here trans people are unified by strict categorization#constantly infinitely expanding definitions but treating them as immutable and emergent from the core of reality#rather that words used to describe things we experience or the positions we are placed in my transphobic society#we're unified by who is mean to us more than wether or not we actually like each other#and so we must always be ready to litigate our position in these spaces#because they must be Definitionally justified rather than just having a real community where we're treated like human beings#i wish we still had our elders... i wish we weren't so adverse to learning humanly#i wish i could escape the weird black and white fandom thinking but it worms it's way into every community here now#this is why i keep lamenting old t4t spaces#we weren't there to argue theory#we weren't opposed to learning it in fact it was useful and joyful to share with each other#to help describe our experiences and understand where we've been placed in the world#but that's not why we were there#we were there for community to be kind to each other#now it's nothing but a bunch of teenage fandom tme people arguing with fake versions of trans women they invented in their heads#while we just hide in the background wondering if the word community means something different now#or if we're really just so evil to our very cores that we were foolish to think we could have community in the first place#sorry just#needed to vent this shit has been in my head for a while#i wasn't in a place to go to gay bars or trans events when i was first here#i couldn't have local community so finding one here with transfems who loved each other#it was so important to me#and learning that i could cater to that small but kind audience in my sex work is what made me finally love doing it#before then i'd been doing it purely cuz i couldn't get any other job#and before that because i was forced to#there's a lot of trauma wrapped up in my work for me but i healed from it largely because of my sisters i found on here#but i don't know when it went away but it did#and now it feels like we're left in a massive crowd of screaming voices#and i don't recognize any of them anymore
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So I've been thinking. It's funny how enjoying meta is somewhat embedded with trust.
Like, if you're "friends" and have followed a person for a long time, you have more a sense of their values, and it's easier to read their difficult meta because you trust more that they're being charitable/nuanced.
If you don't know them, it's harder to trust that they're not funneling difficult topics into rationalization of liking/supporting gross shit.
#meta thoughts#case in point - so much of the wincest community still comes off super classist to me and it sorts of...leaks into their meta#you'll be going alone with an interesting character study and then you read stuff that just BOOM classism about family ties#then you go to their page and you find that yes they're into that shit and there's typically a desert of thoughtful cas military angels etc#they tend to like benny cause benny is an idealized brother substitute / sam parallel and it's given the most uncharitable reading#just because you choose a partner than is familiar and like your fam members does not mean you're into your family members oh my god#and sure there's tons of visual and overt racism in SPN in general but to me that at least gets discussed#the classism inherent to narrative fangirl obsessions with incest? not as dissected#familism and community are seen as Weird (TM) to them and they kind of tell on themselves with that imho#and like with racism there are just some things you can't overlook to enjoy a series if you're black because that's your day to day life an#with classism it's hard too bc sometimes you can't escape the reminders of day to day life#and when ppl in the fandom see the villain's monologues as TRUTH you just wanna shake your head but know it's not worth arguing#communal living is more normal than america wants you to think...rich folks want it labelled *weird* bc they want you separated and drained#i am begging us to deconstruct suburbia instead of defaulting to TEEHEE incest bc shitting on pooled resources is paramount in a rigged gam#I find the inherent isolation of american living-to-work without any time to visit each other VERY isolating indeed...also...#like how did we get here#where we're so afraid of labels like*cults* and *helicopter parenting* and *enmeshment* than we isolate as a form of hallowed independence#american success culture has a dark side too#and separating low class families is the aim#get them to spend more $$$ and go for lofty ideals in pursuit of american dream instead of pooling their resources and meeting their needs#meanwhile rich folks do so much respectable nepotism and pretend they're *self-made*#to me that's what the symbol of zachariah is ALLLL about#and if you're blind to what his taunts ACTUALLY mean...i'm very suspicious of your worldview#if resource sharing and co-living becomes shameful and *incestuous* for lower classes then they won't pool their power at all#american exceptionalism#spn + class#class#class warfare#giving up college dreams to be a caretaker seems way more common in poor families too#i suspect we see the incest reading less from brown families / hispanic fams...cause familism is more common
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i am not immune to marketing gimmicks (<- just bought limited edition cocoa flavor online)
#sasha speaks#they're having a big sale rn to clear out their overstock and leftover limited edition flavors from the past year#nearly everything is sold out already especially most of their flavored blends#but they had a medium roast from an origin i haven't tried before#and the unflavored single origin medium roasts are my favorite! so i ordered a bag for 35% off#plus a bag of my usual favorite...in fairness i also meant to bring some back home with me from my apartment and forgot completely#the other day when i was packing#so having a couple bags of cocoa arriving at home for me in a few days will be a nice treat#it's just roasted and ground cacao beans but you brew it just like coffee#the end product really is a lot like black coffee (bitter and strong lol) but it's quite lovely with a bit of sweetener#i used to take it with some cream but actually now my favorite preparation#is cocoa grounds + big pinch of salt + a few green cardamom pods + just enough maple syrup to make it *barely* sweet#makes a wonderful hot beverage. it's so cozy...#anyway looking forward to that. i hope the new flavor is good. the last limited edition medium roast i tried was fine#but i didn't like it more than their regular ones#unfortunately most of their varieties these days are either dark/french/ultradark (spanish) roasts or they're flavored light roasts#and i don't much go for those. i mean occasionally a flavored light roast#but i find them disappointing more often than not. light roast isn't chocolatey enough for me and the flavors are usually weak or stale#(the strawberry one is good but it's a summer limited ed and it was out of stock already by the time i saw the overstock sale)#and the dark roasts are just too dark for me. i want to taste the cacao bean and origin not just the roast#so the medium roasts are the sweet spot for me. roasted enough to taste really chocolatey and strong#but not so much that they're overwhelming and lose their character#actually weirdly i've noticed recently that on some of their limited ed and flavored blends they aren't listing the roast level.#it's very strange#for the flavoreds i just assume light roast but it's weird when they don't tell you on the package or the online shop page
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Finally met all 3 of my housemates and the sich is looking more dire by the second
#one is a total slob. like was living in filth in the house this summer before I moved in and cleaned everything#there was a ton of black mold in his bathroom apparently?? and I cleaned out his cat’s water fountain and found an INSANE. like#insaaane amount of mold. it was disgusting. and he’s so bad abt keeping the litter clean. like are u fuckinggg kidding me#I don’t want to clean after him but I can’t fucking stand people no taking care of their pets. what is wrong with u#one has an insane amnt of pets and has been describing their sex life in detail unprompted to my asexual roommate and is making her super#uncomfy#and one said a transphobic comment to me today. which is insane bc they use she/they pronouns#like it wasn’t malicious. more just bc of carelessness but it rlly rubbed me the wrong way#idk. weird situation. one of my roomies pulled out last second and we had to find some rando to move in and I just met her yesterday so.#ig I shouldn’t be so judgy buttt. the vibes r weird now. hopefully everything turns out ok#I was feeling fine abt it yesterday when we finally all met but now I’m feeling sooo anxious ugh. like my lease goes until July
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bomb group chat is the funniest thing in the world to me. ratio really said you guys can figure this one out yourselves
#personal stuff#seraph plays star rail#OH OKAY HE IS HELPING. HE JUST LEFT THE GROUP CHAT THE MOMENT HE HEARD WHAT WAS GOING ON. REAL.#wisely. i would not want notifications of Literally Every Playable Character From Penacony blowing up my phone either#hiii sparkle. loving the adapted monodrama theme they're using for this#also aventurine who is not on penacony and dealt with his share of bullshit already going lol. have fun with that#argenti and boothill gay moments.#BLACK SWAN JUST SHOWING UP. HI.#oh. okay. that was kind of anticlimactic#everyone's supposedly rushing to the bomb site but then we get a long ass conversation with firefly. then everyone is just chilling out#was everyone in on it?? was i the only one who didn't know?? why was i the only one heading to the fucking bomb abt to go off come on#anyway aventurine just hanging out in the spot where he almost died was funny. king shit#also kind of weird that the screen was still damaged even though we did a whole event to fix it. what was the point of that then#a lot of weird inconsistencies with this quest idk if i'm liking it#like. kind of weird that we had that whole sidequest with robin asking us to find sunday only for us to know where he is the whole time#anyway my favorite parts were the aventurine mentions and when aventurine showed up alive and friends w boothill. also ratio#OOH WE GOT A BUNCH OF VISITORS TO THE EXPRESS WOO.#but no aventurine :(#like boothill black swan sparkle robin and argenti yaay woooo#no acheron i can understand. but no aventurine......
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maybe i should have gone into practical effects instead of computer science...
#when i was in middle school i used to use red and black pens + spit for blending to make it look like the backs of my hands were torn open#i can't believe it's almost 4am. i just spent 5 hours typing up an essay about MM's erik that i just fuckin privated bc i was embarrassed#AND I STILL NEVER SPELL HIS NAME RIGHT THE FIRST TIME AAAAAAAA#i was right but im going to save all my points for the fanfic im currently planning out and promptly NEVER GOING TO ACTUALLY WRITE#I say shoving my plans for my h2o s3 rewrite off the table#yes i skipped from s2 to s3 i had a BRILLIANT idea [season 3 h2o spoilers ahead be wary my mutuals who are still watching]#okay so you know how lewis goes to the american institute of marine bio in the middle of 3? since this is tied to my s2 rewrite fic i wante#to actually finally reasonably re-introduced dr denman to the story because i never liked that she just fucked off at the end of s1#despite WITNESSING the moon pool magic. so i made it so she runs into lewis while doing a presentation for the college and they have a chat#(because her JAW paper plays an important part in my s2 rewrite bc i imagine lewis is the kind of guy who SAYS he deleted every copy of#it... but ACTUALLY he secretly printed himself out a copy to study in private to compare to his own notes bc#[lewis voice] come *on* guys just THINK of the progress that he could make with this! [grabby hands in front of chest])#so yeah they have a chat and Linda kind of gives Lewis the opposite dilemma in s3 that Louise gives him in s1 about science and magic#since SHE knows about the moon pool and has been biding her time and she knows Lewis knows and Lewis is like ah... uh oh.#it will eventually tie into the idea it's not about forcing science and magic together or separating them#its abt respectfully and responsibly utilizing both to see their fullest potential. which lewis learned in s2 and Linda has... not.#BUT#later on she gets a call from 1 (one) ryan who is like 'hey so i heard u did environmental studies on mako for dr bennett a couple years ag#and i was wondering if you've seen anything weird there as im currently doing a-' and she's immediately like 'YOU SON OF A BITCH IM IN'#and he's like 'wha-' and she's like 'i have already booked my plane tickets we're going to have a great time we have lots to talk about :)'#and wheeee now they have someone who knows about mermaids on their team and it's the perfect way to bring lewis back to relevancy in s3 :D#it also gives me reason to have two bad bitches (linda and sophie) meet and get to know each other which is not a dynamic ive seen in#any of the H2O fics i've ever read so im very hyped to delve into how they'll play off each other#also charlotte is there so technically three bad bitches (only in my au Charlotte never lost her tail and is part of the gang she just move#because she felt like she needed to leave to really be able to find herself without being in her grandmother's shadow but she comes back bc#well... it's season 3 mako is sounding the fucking emergency alarms everyone is showing up sdkghkfjhg)#im also so so so hyped to show u guys who's coming back in the s2 rewrite because it ISNT denman and i think everyone thinks it will be :3c#(i said she when telling ppl to look forward to a familiar face... but can u blame me for getting hype she's one of my favorite characters!#i love u H2O#cruddy rambles
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it's genuinely mind boggling to me how someone can make a list of their favourite musicians/artists/authors and not include a single woman. how?? i just dont understand. you have to be actively avoiding them at this point.
#i just remembered a video i watched where this youtube animator recommended like 50 other animators and didnt include a single woman#so weird#its not like there arent any#i battle with myself about this because it's not like you choose what you like#and theres not any kind of inherent moral failing in happening to like only male musicians or whatever#but it puts me off a bit#because i feel like it means they dont value women highly enough to actually try to connect with our art?#or that they view us as lesser creators#same thing as when people who avidly listen to loads of different genres but dont listen to any black people#its just weird#its most prevalent within comedy i think#because i think in order to find people (purposefully) funny you have to give them the benefit of the doubt in regards to their intelligenc#and i think the reason why lots of ppl dont think women are funny is because they are more likely to think a woman is acting a fool than#being purposefully funny#its dehumanising i think#the extreme of this is when people cant even comprehend that women (or the excluded group - this happens with race & class as well) have#inner lives#anyway its 3am i need to sleep
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I swear to god teenagers have some sort of telepathic superpower they use to reach into your mind to find things about you to make fun of because how else would that random ass boy have known that i like rock music and then started mocking me for it
#lizard-dumbass talks about stuff#text post#no seriously#i was in the library after school last week and there were no empty chairs anywhere so i leaned against a wall close to a group of kids who#were also hanging out in the library after school hours#i was legit just minding my own business‚ looking at my phone‚ headphones on‚#when this random boy comes up to me‚ does the devil horns hand sign‚ and mockingly says 'dark side!' while headbanging#he did this several times too during the circa 20 minutes i was in that library‚ each time getting closer in my personal space#i just ignored him cuz i didnt know what else to do#but what confuses me is how the hell he knew that i like that type of music#i wasnt even dresed particularly goth/punk/emo/whatever#maybe it was the fact that i was wearing all black and had headphones on#but i kind of think he just telepathically looked into my mind to find out what music i like /j#he pulled that same shit again yesterday#he saw me walking outside and said to his buddy ''hey its my friend!'' (the use of 'friend' obvs being sarcastic) and shouted DARK SIDE at#me while headbanging and doing the devil horns hands#idk man teens are weird#and mean#so very mean
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why??? did almost everyone i knew from my high school turn to some sort of extremism when we graduated??? was it the pandemic??? being chronically online??? COLLEGE??? i just wanna know omg
#rant warning in these tags bcs i am so SHOCKED#using this as a way of documenting my thoughts about this so i can look back on this and be just as shocked#literally some of them are now hard right republicans#my former best friend is STILL with this guy after YEARS AND YEARS OF HIS WEIRD RACIST BEHAVIOR???#one is trying to transition to be a BLACK WOMAN??? this is a TRANS RACE THING#this person also dropped out of college for being an alcoholic too like YIKES OMG#my ex is now some sort of spiritual “u make ur own happiness” people that is two steps away from cult activity#if i had a penny for every time someone said this to me when i was trying to reach out for mental health help i would be a billionaire#i check up on these people for the first time in OVER A YEAR and this is what i find#lol let me use these tags as a societal analysis of life after the pandy#happy with the people i kept/let into my life now because THESE ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PEOPLE LMFAOO#maybe its just... over self analysis?? self-consumption?? narcissism?? that drove them to this#i know people change and all but damn there go all the happy memories with them lol#kinda the closure i needed tbh#ramblings
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I’m still playing Sims 4 and so I made a household with a Sim of myself so I can try doing a bunch of different careers (for the items lol)
I ended up romancing Don Lothario and accidentally had his kid after downloading and trying out the WW mod (we had 1 date prior, and I asked for him to live in with me afterwards).
I wasn’t paying too much attention to his name (since this was my first time playing Sims 4 since mid 2010s and I don’t know characters or lore), and used the random name generator and named our daughter, Dawn. I did not realize I basically named her after him lol.
As things are now
We’re partners and “soulmates”
I go out to work (currently doing the spy career), while he’s basically my househusband
He was a creative freelancer when he was added to my household so he makes A LOT from paintings, and sometimes music
I gave him an variation of his default everyday outfit to give him glasses (bc I’m into glasses, but “lorewise” he spends more time at a screen for work so he started to need them)
I used a mod to change his “non-committal” trait into being a family man, and bc he’d still get tense from being “non-committal” (despite trying to get rid of it) I got a “carefree” potion from the rewards store RIP
I don’t 100% remember before changing it, but he was a decent dad beforehand. Now, its super cute seeing him chat and play with our daughter
My Sim wants to marry him, but I’ve been worried about him potentially refusing so I’ve just stuck with being “partners”
I did do a wedding on a different household (OC marrying Liberty) and that was a mess especially since I have no idea what I’m doing
I do now have actual venues to use in the future instead of the ugly base game park 👍
I did give my Sim the same necklace that he wears as a sorta “promise ring” in her outfits (I think its cute lol)
Bc I’m stuck on leveling stats, we don’t leave the house that often. But the WW mod has kept things… spicy without actual dates lmao
I think I’m going to try proposing and just having an incredibly long engagement soon…
#desiree talks#desiree plays#i would like to ignore any of the lore he actually has bc he’s mine now lol#also these are definitely not his kids but Katrina Caliente had two kids?#they’re both black so I’m certain that it was an auto generated NPC before I cleaned up the households#aka moving families back in their home finding stuff in the gallery to upgrade their homes etc#and editing the stories mode settings so they stay and stop having babies#and deleting auto generated sims that were ugly or had too many bad traits#so RIP i won’t know who the dad is and same for Dina and her kid looks asian#our daughter dawn isn’t undeniably cute (she got her eyes and looks like she has no lashes so it’s a bit weird#HIS EYES not mine#im so sorry sweetheart i love you and i’ll max your stats again before making you a teen#like i want to age her but i also want to buy dlc (when on sale) so we can make more memories aka the growing together dlc#also another thing about the WW mod i have to test it so NPCs don’t be doing the nasty in public#i saw one of my OC sims getting railed at the bookstore i placed and I was traumatized#like i have to triple check and test my settings#i also feel like a degen for having the mod and using it a ton on my sim and don but i dont hate it lol#like don is hot af after the design refresh#he got the best of it in comparison to the caliente girls#i saw his early sims 4 design and he looks like barely 20 with a incel podcast or just a listener#and his designs from past games make him look like a 40 year old divorcee#currently he looks like he’s around 30 and I’m getting closer to that age anyway#there are some cute animations either from WW or kawaii’s SoL mod (idr but its probably WW) and they’re really cute#god i want an actual relationship but i need a job and some personal security first before i feel comfortable putting myself out there#i tried the mod with my ocs and it felt more wrong than it being a sim of myself and my basically husband#hang on this is going in an actual post
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Writing tips for long fics that helped me that no one asked for.
1.) Don't actually delete content from your WIP unless it is minor editing - instead cut it and put it in a secondary document. If you're omitting paragraphs of content, dialog, a whole scene you might find a better place for it later and having it readily available can really save time. Sometimes your idea was fantastic, but it just wasn't in the right spot.
2.) Stuck with wording the action? Just write the dialog then revisit it later.
3.) Stuck on the whole scene? Skip it and write the next one.
4.) Write on literally any other color than a white background. It just works. (I use black)
5.) If you have a beta, while they are beta-ing have them read your fic out loud. Yes, I know a lot of betas/writers do not have the luxury of face-timing or have the opportunity to do this due to time constraints etc but reading your fic out loud can catch some very awkward phrasing that otherwise might be missed. If you don't have a beta, you read it out loud to yourself. Throw some passion into your dialog, you might find a better way to word it if it sounds stuffy or weird.
6.) The moment you have an idea, write it down. If you don't have paper or a pen, EMAIL it to yourself or put it in a draft etc etc. I have sent myself dozens of ideas while laying down before sleep that I 10/10 forgot the next morning but had emailed them to myself and got to implement them.
7.) Remember - hits/likes/kudos/comments are not reflective of the quality of your fic or your ability to write. Most people just don't comment - even if they say they do, they don't, even if they preach all day about commenting, they don't, even if they are a very popular blog that passionately reminds people to comment - they don't comment (I know this personally). Even if your fic brought tears to their eyes and it haunted them for weeks and they printed it out and sent it to their friends they just don't comment. You just have to accept it. That being said - comment on the fic you're reading now, just do it, if you're 'shy' and that's why you don't comment the more you comment the better you'll get at it. Just do it.
8.) Remove unrealistic daily word count goals from your routine. I've seen people stress 1500 - 2000 words a day and if they don't reach that they feel like a failure and they get discouraged. This is ridiculous. Write when you can, but remove absurd goals. My average is 500 words a day in combination with a 40 hour a week job and I have written over 200k words from 2022-2023.
9.) There are dozens of ways to do an outline from precise analytical deconstruction that goes scene by scene to the minimalist bullet point list - it doesn't matter which one you use just have some sort of direction. A partial outline is better than no outline.
10.) Write for yourself, not for others. Write the fic you know no one is going to read. Write the fic that sounds ridiculous. You will be so happy you put it out in the world and there will be people who will be glad it exists.
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