#I just don’t take it because I’m too lazy

[itsabouttimex2]

For fun how about rating Wukong ship from lmk and give your opinion why?

SWK Ship Ratings

(Scores rank from -10 at the lowest, and 10 at the highest)

Shadowpeach

Name Rating: 5/10. Basic, but rolls off the tongue. Started the trend of Sun Wukong having extremely basic ship names- more on that below.

Canon Rating: 0/10. Whatever they had in the past, Macaque simply treats Wukong far too awfully to really justify the two of them ever getting together. Even the attempts at reconciliation feel more like extremely forced ship baiting, given how it goes from one of the two being marginally kinder to the other than usual, then immediately dropping it for more sniping. (Past!Shadowpeach receives 5/10.)

Fanon Rating: -10/10. I’ve spoken at length about this, but fans love to distort Wukong into a drooling abuser so stupid he can’t breath through his nose, usually while turning Macaque into a Possession Sue who only serves to be the author’s simpering self-insert who is the most perfect little baby of all time who has never ever done anything wrong at all even once. If there is an attempt to be “nuanced” or “unbiased” it manifest as “Sun Wukong “killed” (re: defended himself against) Macaque so he’s worse.” It’s an awful, extremely pervasive dynamic that rots any fandom enjoyment I could have had for this couple.

Personal Enjoyment: 6/10. Getting to write Macaque as the legitimately awful person that he is takes off the edge of seeing constant “uwu sadboi” Macaque content. Still, I rarely touch anyone else’s Shadowpeach content because of this.

Peachlotus

Name Rating: 2/10. As you’ll see, most ship names involving Sun Wukong are, uh… extremely lazy. Just one of the other character’s traits with “peach” slapped before/after it. Fandom really dropped the ball with most of these. This one is especially clunky, at least on my tongue.

(See, Macaque gets stuff like Lunartides, Inkypages, Shadowpeach, etc- all very cool.. We need to diversify the nouns is what I’m saying. Coulda been something like “GingerRoot” cause orange fur + plant boy. “FlowerBuds” for the platonic name for peaches + lotuses. Do you guys see what I’m saying. It can’t just be raw peaches all the way down.)

Canon Rating: 2/10. Ne Zha also doesn’t treat Wukong too kindly, interacting with him mostly through insults and physical attacks. He does seem to have some understanding of the king, though, which gives him a slight boost over Macaque.

Fanon Rating: 1/10. It barely exists, and what little does exist is essentially just “Ne Zha is mad at Wukong over what the fuck ever, so they’re fighting” and little more. There’s a lot of potential for bonding over immortality and awful pasts or being commandeered by domineering authority figures, which I wish was used more often.

Personal Enjoyment: 2/10. I don’t see the dynamic, personally. Again, Ne Zha’s only interactions with him are only ever vitriolic or exasperated in nature, which doesn’t leave stable footing for a relationship to stand. Maybe I’ll make a chatbot for them one day and see if I come around to it.

“Freepeaches”

Name Rating: -5/10. This shit is exactly what I’m talking about with the lazily slapping “peach” onto whatever and going on. “Free” has no meaning between Wukong and Tang- it’s just a holdover from a more popular ship. Tang only mooches food from Pigsy. That’s one of the biggest elements of their dynamic. Sure, Tang likes free stuff (food, rides, physical labor), but when does he ever get that from Wukong? It just makes no sense.

AND IF IT HAD TO HAVE THE FRUIT, TANGYPEACHES WAS RIGHT THERE

Canon Rating: 6/10. Tang literally drew himself and the Monkey King together inside a heart. He adores Wukong, thought maybe not for who he truly is- and the two don’t any interaction in terms of Tang realizing his autistic parasocial special interest idol is a lonely old sage who misses his friends, which cripples what was a pretty cute dynamic. I think Tang coming down from his hero worship and being just a genuine friend to SWK would be cute, definitely.

Fanon Rating: 9/10. Pretty enjoyable! Freepeaches is one of the few dynamics where Sun Wukong isn’t constantly turned into a punching bag/villain to be beaten around for the amusement of the audience, and the two are often portrayed as legitimately healthy together- I especially enjoy how Tang is portrayed as needing to move past his hero worship for the two to have a healthy relationship. It’s cute.

Personal Enjoyment: 6/10. Never addressing the resemblance to Sanzang or having them interact in regards to this while the circlet is back on Wukong’s head feels like a massively missed opportunity, honestly. I think Sun Wukong’s personal feelings have been left to the wayside for far too long in canon, and getting to a point where almost every fucking character represses their feelings is lazy and boring.

Peachbuns

Name Rating: 4/10. Again. Just “peach” slapped onto an adjective or noun. It’s frustratingly boring. This one sounds delicious and both components are related to food at least, which fits Pigsy’s background… but it also sounds like something a horny dude would ask for pics of in your DMs.

Canon Rating: 1/10. Pigsy isn’t willing to take any of Wukong’s shit, so he serves as a pretty great “bullshit barrier” that provides a legitimately strict opposing force to Wukong, but there’s little else to even their relationship out. He’s never kind or supportive or worried- if the two interact, it’s always through the lens of “Pigsy is mad/suspicious”. There’s never any real bonding or growth between them at all.

Fanon Rating: 4/10. This ship barely exists, and when it does it’s Sun Wukong being lectured through life by a big strong man- not a dynamic I’m a fan of. However, it is surprisingly kind to Wukong in terms of empathizing with his struggles. Again, I wish there was less of “Pigsy teaches Wukong basic life skills” because it falls right back into the revolting fanon that is “SWK is a big dumb fuck who can’t read or cook or take care of himself without a husband to wipe his ass.”

Personal Enjoyment: 2/10. I just don’t click with it. Pigsy doesn’t like Wukong, doesn’t trust him, and doesn’t interact with him outside of that.

Moonstone

Name Rating: 10/10. This is what I like! Moonstone is not only a very real (and very beautiful) mineral, but it ties to both of them equally! You don’t see Wukong’s status as a stone-born demon be referenced often, so this is a refreshing change of pace from the constant “peach” names.

Canon Rating: 7/10. Chang’e is a lovely woman who is simultaneously not be willing put up with Sun Wukong’s bullshit while still legitimately respecting and admiring him. It makes for a nice duality in their relationship that most of his dynamics don’t provide.

Fanon Rating: 10/10. The working dynamic is so fucking good to start with that I’ve never once seen fanon drop the ball. Never. This ship is always so fucking sweet and honest with Chang’e calling out Wukong for his bullshit while never pushing it to the “Shit on Sun Wukong Show” levels that the fandom loves so much- she takes no shit, but does no harm. She’s supportive and acknowledges his traumas and fears. Wukong does his best for her. Moonstone shippers get an A+ and extra recess time.

Personal Enjoyment: 7/10. I just… I really like this one, dammit. There’s not a lot to go off of, but seeing fanworks that do not primarily treat SWK like living trash/baby the hell out of him is nice.

Lionpeach

Name Rating: 3/10. Again. Very boring and generic. I’ve seen Fuzzypeach which is a little cuter, at least. Still, it’s all the same “peach”+noun format.

Canon Rating: 3/10. The devotion Azure bears to Sun Wukong seems like it would bear a higher marking, but it’s shallow and flimsy. Azure never understood Wukong, never wanted what was best for him, never cared about his safety or happiness. Azure projects his beliefs and wants onto the people around him, blinding the big fella to shortcomings on their parts, and is delusional enough to never look inwards. Still, I can legitimately see

Fanon Rating: 0/10. It’s just smut. That’s it. When it isn’t it’s just “Ooooh! Azure is jealous of Macaque! Tee-hee, sorry Azure!” and that’s it. I’ve never actually seen any non-sexual, Azure-focused Lionpeach.

Personal Enjoyment: 5/10. It’s a fun enough dynamic to explore, especially with how unhealthy it is. I’ll probably make a bot of this too one day. Maybe a “yandere dads” type. Or a mutual Primal Moon bot.

Celestialchaos

Name Rating: 10/10. Another not peach-based name is a win in my book!

Canon Rating: 6/10. Xiangliu is civil enough to Wukong (about as much as everyone else), but the mention of them having once been friends is what got my attention. Shrouded past + + potential reincarnation shenanigans + decently civil behavior = a very happy writer. It’s so little but it makes my brain itch.

Fanon Rating: 0/10. It doesn’t even exist babes ;( I’m scrounging for water in the lonely plains of a desert y’all. I’m a lonely little cactus and Celestialchaos is my annual three-inch rain.

Personal Enjoyment: 10/10. C’mon now. You all were expecting this. I love this ship. I’ve already made four chatbots. I love Xiangliu as a wild little freak who desperately tries to push Wukong away from other people and sad lonely Wukong finding refuge in a freaky toxic snake. Especially I like the idea of Xiangliu pitting himself against Macaque and going after Sun Wukong just to cause a little trouble, only to actually catch feelings and start pursuing him in earnest. I like “I want you at your worst so I can prove that I still love you even then” Xiangliu and “You love me at all?” Wukong.

I really like this ship.

End Result

(Scores ranging from -40 to +40)

Shadowpeach= 1/40

(Past!Shadowpeach would around 20)

Lotuspeach= 7/40

Freepeaches= 16/40

Peachbuns= 11/40

Moonstone= 34/40

Lionpeach= 11/40

Celestialchaos= 26/40

[xlatrina]

Friends to Lovers HCs w/Homicipher x GN!Reader

$$$   $$$   $$$

Tags: Platonic + Romantic HCs, Friends to Lovers trope for basically every LI, Likely OOC for some LIs*, Mini Scenarios (so HCs are kinda plot-driven), *Multi-Part Series, entirely SFW

Also, changing tenses in some cases + not proofread again... sorry!

*Some of the LIs are likely written OOC (Out Of Character) mainly due to a lack of substantial in-game appearances (at least in my opinion!). 

*Split into multiple parts because I’ve come to realize that these HCs are muuucccchhh too long 😅 BUT!! I’m too lazy to shorten them sooo… YEAH lol

Part I (Big 🙆‍♂️)

Part II (Mr. Chopped 🪓)

Part III (Mr. Crawling 👣)

Mr. Big (AKA Mr. Huge Face)

Big mf tease.

Loves to mess with you. Finds it funny to watch you run around in circles as he keeps rotating the room.

The exit’s this way! …Oop! Nope. The exit’s that way! No, no, over there!

Soon, you find yourself whipping your head back and forth, totally lost.

“Wait, which way did I come from again? I came from that way, right?” You’ll ask yourself.

Mr. Big will just chuckle at you and reach for your little frame (well, relative to his own frame).

Truth be told, Mr. Big gets a kick out of seeing you jump in surprise and scream every time you see him. You’d think you’d get used to his shenanigans, but… well, evidently not!

If this big bully playful giant becomes more interested in you, you may find yourself in a super uncomfortable position, to be honest.

Like, he may very well take “playing God” here to a whole ‘nother level. So, like, he’ll probably just straight up get rid of the exits and entrances altogether.

At least for a little while… so he can observe you.

His favorite little plaything❣️

This sensation might be rather odd and unfamiliar to Mr. Big.

After all, he’s something that’s existed in this other world for… well, forever, really.

He’s never felt this way before… or has he?

If he has, it’s been entirely too long.

It’s just cute, you know? Watching this adorable little thing dart back and forth across the room.

There are times you give up on running, though, and you simply accept your fate.

Mr. Big takes that opportunity to scoop you into his palm.

He’ll try to talk to you.

“Why you no run?” He may ask. Or, maybe he’ll ask something like, “You no move. Not ok? Not alive?”

… Is he teasing you or is he seriously asking if you’re still alive?

You’ll squirm a little in his grasp, and he’ll grin and cackle like a witch.

Ah, so his favorite specimen is still kicking it after all!

At some point, you become his Barbie.

He frequently changes the room you’re in with a flair of style that you’ve never seen him do before.

From a chic studio apartment to a modern family home with a stunning living room to a burgundy brick loft and more…

Where the hell did he get all this inspiration from??

Probably those discarded magazines that fall in after the earthquakes...

Wherever he gets these ideas from, it appears obvious to you that this served as a means of softening you up for your lowkey forced newfound home in Mr. Big’s dollhouse.

He provides you with the basics for life, at least.

Shelter, clothing, soap, water, food…

What do you mean you won’t eat undeterminable meat??

“You no like?”

“...”

“How interesting,” Mr. Big’ll say.

He’s smiling… but his smile doesn’t touch his eyes.

He’s pissed.

As a means of surviving a little longer, you decide to humor Mr. Big by pretending to eat the meat. It’s difficult to pull off, but you’ve managed to fake eating for a while.

He’s trying to figure out why you’re body constantly growls, though…

“Body make sound? Why? You ok? Need more food?” He’ll ask.

As much as you wanna deny it, it’s becoming painfully obvious that you’re fucking starving.

But you really don’t wanna eat whatever mystery meat Mr. Big keeps trying to serve…

Well, you always have the option to give a limb of some kind to Mr. Gap.

As much as the price hurts, one thing you could never say is Mr. Gap doesn’t deliver every time!!

As for Mr. Big, well…

It’s kinda nice realizing how doting he can be, actually.

Since he’s always watching you from a bird’s eye view, there really isn’t anything Mr. Big doesn’t know about you.

He’s gotten really good at guessing your needs —often well before even you realize you’re desiring something!

He can tell when the room gets too hot or cold for you, and he’ll usually rearrange the room for better air circulation.

Other times, he can tell when a room’s puzzle is becoming too difficult for you to solve, and so sometimes, when he wants to be nice, he’ll slowly tuck a large finger into the area. From there, he’ll push things around accordingly until you figure out how to solve it on your own.

As a partner of some kind, Mr. Big is super attentive. Again, nothing really gets past him.

You might think Mr. Big doesn’t recognize the way you crawl over to an old bookcase and peer beneath it for minutes at a time...

You might think he doesn’t hear the faint whispering after a moment of quiet...

Hell —you might even think he doesn’t recognize the way you “eat” the food he’s provided you in a specific corner near a hole in the wall. Like he can’t recognize how much thinner you’ve gotten over the last few weeks…

But he does. 

He sees you, he perceives you.

And he doesn’t plan to stop 👩‍❤️‍👨.

You’re his little toy!! 🧸

He’s Mattel, and you’re Barbie.

That’s how things are between you two now.

Forever.

… But hey, it’s not all bad!

Soon, you’ll open up to him.

Especially when he begins finding ways to limit the amount of holes or dark pits around the area.

I mean… he’s not necessarily that bad, right?

He’s attentive, doting (in his own way), providing, and —so long as you remain in his territory —you’ll never have to worry about facing the potential dangers of the Apartments!

Because the only real danger that could really harm you here is him…

You’ll soon find yourself talking to Mr. Big on your own accord.

“Why you big? Where is place? Who you?”

“My body not small. Is normal. Where is place? Me not know,” And he’ll chuckle —loud, deep, and rumbly. Then, he’ll finally answer with, “Who me? …Me not say!”

Ugh, fucking asshole!

[Part I (Mr. Big 🙆‍♂️) | Part II (Mr. Chopped 🪓, First Half/Second Half), Part III (Mr. Crawling 👣)]

[quibbs126]

I’m a failure

[mammomlette]

People don’t talk about MC needing to wear a magical ring to not accidentally yk cause NATURAL DISASTERS with their powers??? Not only accidentally but without realising???

Diavolo or smthn is asking too much of MC or being a bit too annoying and their other hand slowly drifts towards the ring and they hold onto it while maintaining dead eye contact. Like continue to piss me off hoe I’ll blink and blow a hole in your castle idk

Obv they never do it (or do they?) but the threat is there and it’s a risk dia (or whoever but I’m using dia) can’t take

[thwackk]

welcome to the gigantic boots for silly guys convention, this is the president

[dykedvonte]

Hello, I've recently followed you because I love your nuanced character analysis on Mouthwashing. On a post you mentioned writing a fic. Where would I be able to read it?

If it’s the one about like Curly not getting flayed in the crash and Jimmy dying then I have yet to write it. It probably won’t be a thing until after the next chapter of the current fic, Dental Hygiene. This fic has a more concrete stopping point in my head whistle the other one is gonna be way more subjective and explorative. So I’m in no rush.

If you want to read it it’s here (link). But sorry if I got ur hopes up.

[laomelettedufromage]

The aroace flag color picked from my profile picture of Wuxian because I am aroace and once I saw it I couldn’t unsee it

[apotelesmaa]

This is the ideal & supported by canon ruikasa dynamic btw

[itspileofgoodthings]

okay but speaking soberly and seriously for a second there is a modern spirit of rejecting something that is Truly Great and Wonderful in favor of the mediocre because the mediocre is easier to control, manipulate, and make in our own image and it is both maddening and offensive to me.

[mutalune]

really wish there was a tag that separated “I’m having Big Angry and/or Angsty Opinions about Star Wars” from “I’m goofing off with Star Wars I’m playing in the sandbox none of this is real so yes I will make my blorbo and this random glub shitto go on an adventure that makes no logical sense” posts because there’s too much of the former and not enough of the latter for my current mental state

[catastrxblues]

good morning it is now 4 am and i have just finished watching atonement good night

[goldensunset]

this ‘taking care of your fragile mortal body’ thing is really getting on my nerves

[godblooded]

quick it’s 7 am push your enby-in-high-valyrian trans rhaegar agenda.

this explains it way better than me.

[angelgendered]

A spooky (and giant) foot paw appears!

[vexednperplexed]

Hey friendly reminder that if someone posts a thing they made and didn’t ask for critique, you probably shouldn’t critique it. Even if you think you’re being helpful, advice where it wasn’t requested is rude.

Especially if they said they abandoned something because they didn’t like the way it was turning out. Means they uh. Don’t care to do anything more to it. Cool? Cool.

[ghostzzy]

one of the most obnoxious things abt being chronically ill / disabled is that flare-ups happen in clusters or as a direct result of one another but there’s only so many times in a period of 2-3 weeks that you can say “i dont feel good, i need to rest today” before employers / friends / family start to think you’re full of shit