#I just don’t like seeing some much negativity about it it’s exhausting | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

calumfmu · 8 months ago

Text

sugar coated melting.

Being assistant to the famous Steve Harrington wasn't an easy task, he was demanding as ever and made sure he was nice to everyone but you. But a job was a job, and it was the cost of working in Hollywood.

Famous!Steve Harrington x Assistant!reader (modern!au, with 40's Steve) 7.5k+ words

cw: older Steve Harrington, smut, loss of virginity, inexperienced!reader, AFAB reader, angst (what's new), mentions of death, swearing, 18+, mdni

Working with one of the most famous actors in the world was draining, exhausting, taxing, everything you could negatively describe. He was such a high maintenance person, he made your job seem like a constant boot camp run for the Navy Seals. Your best friend had cackled at that supply of information.

Steve wasn’t a bad person, no. He was handsome (obviously, he had been voted most handsome of the previous 2 years in a row), kind (to most people—who weren’t you), and compassionate (he let you eat his leftovers that one time you had gotten stuck on set for 16 straight hours). You were getting paid to say nice things about him if anyone had asked.

Life working as his head assistant was just a drag. It was everything you had dreamed of doing when you were a kid, working in Hollywood with big A-listers, attending red carpets, seeing the way movies worked. The job wasn’t the problem, it… was him.

A script was shoved into your hands as you thought of giving it to the man. The look on his face was burned into the back of your mind, irritation crossing his features as you imagined giving him the bad news. He always took things out on you, attitude forward as he said some slick remark.

Last minute script change, typical of productions like these. Something that anyone could expect while working on these things. Anyone with a normal level of patience would handle it well, take it with stride.

Your fingers rapped against the trailer door, aluminum warm to the touch from the sun beating down on it. Movement sounded behind the door, mumbling a few words out at you.

The door swung open, Steve rubbing at his eyes with his hair sticking in every direction. Fuck, he was asleep. It made it so much worse delivering the news.

“Heyyy, boss,” you beamed, voice raising a few octaves. You held out the script to him, cringing slightly. “Nothing too crazy, just a sliight chan-”

“No,” the door slammed in your face, your eyes closing as the bright reflection shone on you. Your smile immediately dropped, the reflection of your face on the white aluminum door looking back at you.

Red seethed through you, frustration prickling at the back of your neck. You knocked again, this day becoming even longer with each passing second.

“Mr. Harrington.” You were met with silence, ear pressing to the door to hear any movement. You waited a beat, knocking more urgently.

“Don’t want it, tell them no,” he grumbled behind the door, his voice sounded across the trailer, muffled through the closed door.

You took a deep breath, trying to find the patience to not go off on him. You were his assistant, not his agent, not the director of the film, not anything else. What did he realistically think you were going to do about a script change?

“‘M just delivering it, Mr. Harrington.” Your voice was level. “I don’t even think it’s your lines that changed.”

A faint note of music came through the door, Steve deciding to tune you out. Looking towards the sky, you squinted, finding prayer between the clouds.

“Mr. Harrington!”

Another PA walked by you, speaking into the earpiece she had with a clipboard in hand. You raised a hand to greet her, faux smile crossing your lips as you pretended everything was okay. She waved back, making her way in between the trailers and out of your eyesight.

As soon as she disappeared, your fist came up to bang at the door, louder than before.

It opened in the middle of your fit, you nearly stumbled into the trailer. You cut your eyes at your boss, biting your tongue at the swear words that threatened to come out.

The man was well past 30 years old, but still acted like a spoiled brat.

“Fine,” he said through his teeth, grabbing the stack of papers from your hand. He barely glanced at it before tossing it on the small couch behind him. Your eyes followed it, noticing the mess of bottles on the floor around it.

He followed your gaze with his own eyes, stepping into your eyesight as he closed the door slightly.

“Anything else, Yn?” A pinch of attitude at your name. Typical.

You smiled at the man, frustration disappearing as you were just grateful this episode of his didn’t last as long as it did last week.

“No, sir, that would be it for me,” you gave him a slightly bow, clasping your hands in front of you before swiveling on your heel. Descending the mini set of stairs, you rolled your eyes, back to him as you descended. “Fucking twat.”

“I heard that!” His voice was far behind you, your feet moving fast across the blacktops. You smiled back at him, waving as confusion crossed your features.

“Sorry sir, I said it was fucking hot!” You lied straight through your teeth. “Outside, you know? Pardon my language.”

You rolled your eyes once more, turning back on your mission to get back inside the building. You and him both knew what you said, but you didn’t have it in you to care. Nothing you did would get you fired, trust, have you tried.

It was like you were in your own personal Purgatory. You assumed Steve liked you, he wouldn’t fire you even on your worst days. You had fucked up many times, forgetting things, slipping up on his to do list, calling the wrong people for the wrong events. More recently, he had heard the rude nicknames you had for him, and he just didn’t seem to care.

You had heard him one time, whisper under his breath about “best help in Hollywood”. It was sarcastic of course, his eye roll you’ve been well acquainted with to follow.

The last few weeks have been more of a hell for you, Steve becoming more temperamental and moody, you becoming the worst employee on planet Earth. You begged to be fired at this point, your shot at unemployment looking more and more appetizing.

A sudden ring cut through the air, your back pocket buzzing. Pulling it out, you nearly ripped your hair out, Steve’s contact popping up on the screen. I could ignore it, you thought. This could finally be my chance at escaping him.

Your thoughts were cut short, the phone ringing again as Steve's name popped up. He didn't even let the first one finish before trying you again.

"Oh, Mr. Harrington," you breathed, hand pressed into your brow as you answered. "Hi, sorry, sir. Did you need me?"

"Need you to come back," you heard him say, voice muffled as he seemed to be doing other things on the other side of the line. Your feet responded before your brain did, autopilot in motion. "Script's not fucking working, and I just-"

Something fell in the background, and your footsteps faltered. You ignored it, rolling your eyes yet again at his antics.

"Are you okay, sir?" You asked, seeing his trailer in the distance. One of the trailer windows had its blinds half up, he paced back and forth.

You approached it, listening to him as he rambled on the phone, speaking about how much he hated this director and his damn agent for giving him these roles. Fighting back laughter, you cosigned with him, not choosing to mention that this stupid role was worth $13 million.

You raised your fist to knock at the door, it swinging open before you could even make a noise. The three dial tones of the phone call ending rung in your ears, Steve grumbling at you to enter.

"A-are you sure, sir?" Hesitation filled you, you weren't used to stepping into his trailer. You think you'd been in it once during the last seven months of production, grabbing his left behind cell phone before they traveled to location.

Steve didn't look at you the whole time, just muttering words under his breath as he held the brand new scripts in his hand. He was pacing, feet burning holes in the carpet of the trailer.

You slowly stepped in, apprehensively closing the door behind you. Hands clasped in front of you, you stood in close proximity to the door, eyes shifting over the large trailer.

He had clothes thrown over one end of the vehicle, previous scripts sitting on the makeshift table, and a half full glass of a dark colored liquid next to it. You eyed it, brow furrowing as you swore this man had been sober for the past few years--or at least, that's what the news outlets said about him. Not like you kept up.

"Sir," you interjected his thoughts, causing him to stop in place. He still didn't look at you. "Why am I here?"

Curt answers were the easiest way for you to pretend to be nice to him. You knew you couldn't be outright rude, this was your boss after all. Saying stuff under your breath and if he accidentally heard was another thing.

He ignored you.

"How is this supposed to be the Oscar nomination when they have me acting like this?" He exhaled a small shout at the end of his words, your eyes squinting at the volume. "Does this make sense to you? It's like they want me to make a fool of myself, no?"

You shifted uncomfortably, glancing at the floor. "I'm not sure how you want me to answer that, sir."

He waited a moment, sighing loudly as he collapsed on the couch, arm thrown over his eyes. You looked at him then, seeing the way his chest heaved as he shook his eyes. The sun was setting now, golden hour lighting inching through the windows over his figure. His bed head was still wild, even more messy than it was previously.

"W-what would you like me to do, sir?" You asked, arms crossing over your chest as you felt the awkwardness creep into the air. This was the longest you had been in a room with him, at least, with no one around.

Glancing at the watch on your wrist, you took note of your 'shift' being almost over. It was a quarter to seven, your freedom lingering in the distance.

"Sir?"

"Enough!" He cut out, breaking his silence. You jumped at the words, ducking your head as his outburst came. This was the Steve you knew, the short tempered boss who was always so moody whenever things didn't go his way.

You opted for silence, not daring to speak as you awaited his next choice of words.

His arm left his face, palm running down his features as he stared into the ceiling of the trailer.

"Sorry, I just," his voice was significantly lower. He sat up on the edge of the couch, his palms resting on his thighs. "I just need you to take me home."

Your eyes closed briefly, irritation quickly crossing you as you realized this was going to be a longer day than you imagined. If Steve had needed you longer than you were scheduled, then so be it.

"Why?" The word wasn't supposed to come out, replacing the 'okay' that sat on the edge of your mouth.

His gaze cut to you quickly, searching your face as you stood there. Eyes burning slightly, you felt tears prickling. The pint of Ben & Jerry's ice cream, and Friends rerun marathon looking further away from you could bring you to tears.

"Because I employ you, do I not?" The harshness in his words did nothing but fuel the 'Hollywood Tell All' feature you planned for the day you quit.

"You do, sir, yes," You muttered, hands dropping to your side in defeat. "I just thought you'd drive yourself like normal. You know, day ends, and I'll see you here the next day, eight sharp like normal."

"I can't--no," he answered, standing up as he gathered his things. "I don't have to explain myself to you. You just need to take me home. You can drive my car."

The words to protest him were lost in your throat. You complied with his actions, eyes to the floor as he finished gathering his things. Following him out of the trailer, you sighed, feeling like you were walking into a lion's den.

The walk to the private lot was silent, Steve grumbling to himself as he texted someone on his phone. You noticed his phone ringing several times, his thumb finding the red button to end it each time. Curse words came out of his mouth every few seconds, a few from your own mouth being added to the mix as you thought of ways to leave.

As the two of you came across an old school beemer sitting deep in the parking lot, he threw the keys at you, settling into the passenger seat. Reluctantly, you slide in the driver's seat, feeling the leather interior beneath your fingers.

"Nice car, boss," You whispered, checking out how the car didn't even look a day out of 1985. Steve side eyed you, nodding at the compliment before returning to his phone.

"Get us there in one piece, yeah?"

You sucked your teeth as his comment, shaking your head before starting the car. It was like it was impossible for him to be a decent person. Here you were, doing something for this man which may or may not be in your contract, and he couldn't even say thank you to a compliment about his car.

The ride was silent save for an old tape that played in the car. Some band from the 80's you noted, a little too old for your taste. Steve's fingers tapped away at his phone, not focused on the LA traffic you sat in for most of the drive. He gave you directions to his swanky high rise, ignored you as you struggled to keep up with him.

You pulled into an underground garage, valet men coming immediately, opening the door for you as they took the keys. Everything happened in such fast motion, you barely noticed he was half way to the elevator. Jogging to catch up with him, you turned your own attention to your phone, thumb hovering over the Uber app.

Steve took a call, fingers rapidly pressing the elevator button as he spoke (yelled) at the person on the other end.

"No, Robin, I'm not doing that, okay?" He said, voice gruff as he glanced at you. You heard the static voice of the person on the other line, seeming to be yelling at him too.

The elevator dinged, the two of your bodies stepping in as the doors opened. The transportation app on your phone lagged, loading bar stagnant on your screen.

"No, I get it, it's been years. Fine, I-" Steve groaned in frustration, eyes repeatedly shifting over to you as you tried to tune out the phone call. You stared at the numbers the elevator passed, the first floor blinking by before you could say anything. Your phone remain in your hand, screen dimming as it began to time out.

"Robin. I know."

The voice on the other line picked up, the woman's voice growing even louder. Steve pulled the phone away from his ear slightly, grimacing at the volume. The elevator stopped at a floor labeled 'P', doors opening to a mini lobby that ended in double doors. He went over to unlock them, key fob in his hands as a beep sounded through the empty room.

As he stepped through them, phone balanced on his shoulder with his ear pressed to it, he looked at you. You stood right outside the elevator, doors closing behind you as you didn't know what to do.

He held open his front door, hand waving at you in frustration. "Well, are you coming in?"

You pressed your lips together, another wave of irritation pulling at your teeth. Eyes half rolling, you nodded, entering the doors as he closed and locked it behind you.

Steve moved fast, throwing his jacket over a couch that lay in the middle of the giant room, toeing off his shoes by its side. You stood in place, not sure what to do as your boss made his way around his home.

You took note of the place, not picturing that he would live in a place like this. It was modern, with a touch of old school fashion. Retro furniture, expensive nonetheless. Floor to ceiling windows, overlooking the city. However, not a touch of life, no personal pictures, no sign of family, or anything personal that may shine light on what type of person he truly was.

You stepped in further to the place, watching as Steve made his way to a cabinet in his kitchen. Observing him over the breakfast bar, you saw into the open kitchen, watched him as he grabbed a rocks glass and a bottle of something pushed far back into a cabinet.

He continued on the phone, placing it on speaker as he began to open the bottle. He struggled at first, face turning up as his hands twisted on the cap.

Slowly making your way around the room, you glanced around, expecting him to yell at you for even being here, despite inviting you in.

"Steve," you heard the voice on the other line say. His eyes drifted towards the phone, pouring a hefty shot. "All I'm saying is, I miss you. And care for you. I love you. I want you to be okay today, alright?"

Steve grunted in response, not noticing your proximity to him. You cleared your throat slightly, wanting to gain his attention.

The woman on the phone waited for more of a response. Once it was clear she wasn't going to get one, she sighed. "If you change your mind, you know where to find us."

"Yeah sure," his tone was rude, eyes boring into the glass of dark liquid that sat in front of him. His fingers danced at the rim.

"Eddie would've wanted you to come."

Steve's body language immediately stiffened, finger moving to hang up the phone before throwing back the shot of liquor. His face grimaced at the taste, slamming the glass back on the table.

You didn't know what to say, looking anywhere but at your boss.

"Fuck, I forgot you were even here," he suddenly said, hand running through his hair. His hand was on his hip, eyes glossy as he looked at you. You chewed at your bottom lip, nodding as he stared at you. He pointed to the alcohol, shrugging. "Drink?"

Declining, your head shook. "I don't drink, sir."

"Ahh," he said, grabbing the glass and bottle as he headed towards the couch. "Good girl."

He threw himself down on the furniture, exhaling loudly as he stretched out. His eyes were closed as you stood across the room.

"Hey, I-I think I'm gonna go," you said, beginning to walk towards the exit. "I'll see you tomorrow."

As you crossed the room, Steve's voice called out to you. Your movements stopped, turning on your heel to look at him.

"Stay?" He asked you, eyes huge as they looked in your direction. You took note of his features, blinking at him as he awaited your response. Your boss was approaching his 40's, however, in this moment, he looked just like a little kid. Pictures of him in his teen years you had seen on the Internet were pushed to the forefront of your mind.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Mr. Harrington," you muttered, wanting to leave the scene.

His eyes fell to the floor briefly before he spoke out, "Steve."

"Huh?" You were confused, this sudden change in his attitude.

"You can call me Steve," he said, shifting his body as he relaxed into the couch. "We've known each other for a few years now, figured we should might as well be on a first name basis."

Fighting back the eye roll, you were reminded in the ways your boss had made your life into chaos.

"I bet you a million dollars, you don't even know my name, sir."

His gaze softened, laughing out loud as your hard exterior slowly came back.

"Yn." He muttered, smile dancing at his mouth.

You didn't know what to say, stuck between dashing out of his apartment or staying and seeing what type of Steve Harrington you were going to get today.

"I figure I should apologize for the way I've acted today," he said, turning forward as his gaze left your way. You didn't know why, but your feet followed it, walking closer so you could sit next to him. Lowering your self on the couch, you felt self conscious, like he was going to snap any second.

You snorted, "Today?"

He was staring at the bottle of alcohol in front of him, smile still on his face. Laughing at your comment, he shrugged.

"I have been a dick, haven't I?" He whispered, shaking his head as the smile slowly dropped from his face. His voice dropped to a whisper, eyes unfocused as he stared in front of himself. "Such a fucking dick."

You didn't know why, but you felt the need to comfort the man. He was clearly going through something at the moment, if the look alone on his face was any tell.

"Hey, not too bad of one," you wanted to reach out to grab him.

"Don't lie," he laughed, head turning your way. His eyes met yours, deep brown staring into the color of yours. You noticed moles dotting his face, slight lines of aging covering his features. He was still youthful, his eyes telling the tale of a once young boy who was within. "I've been terrible. And you don't deserve that."

A pang hit your heart, feeling the weight of his words. You didn't really deserve his treatment. No matter if he paid you or not.

He continued his words, eyes staring past you. "And yet here I am, sitting here with my assistant. Drinking for the first time in years." A laugh bubbled out of him, hands running down his face as he leaned further back into the couch. "You know I'm supposed to be in Indiana right now?"

You shook your head, not wanting to interrupt him. Making yourself comfortable, you took off your shoes, slipping your feet underneath yourself.

"Well, I'm supposed to be in Indiana, it's the 20th anniversary of, uhm," his voice cracked, eyes welling up with a tear that was blinked back. "It's the anniversary of one of my friend's dying, and I'm not there."

Breath catching in your throat, you didn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry, sir," you muttered, hand reaching out to rest at his thigh. The touch was inappropriate, but so was this interaction you could say.

He looked down at your hand, watching your thumb as it brushed over his jeans.

"It's okay," he responded, eyes finding yours again. "It's been so long."

You nodded, eyes scanning his face as he forced the corners of his mouth to be turned into a smile. You saw right through it, recognizing the pain of a lost loved one straight through. "I don't think that matters."

His face dropped, sincerity crossing his features as he dipped to glance at your hand once more. Silence over took the two of you, the faint sounds of the streets of LA below you, Steve's staggered breathing as he willed himself not to cry. You were patient, finding comfort in the air as he found his words.

"We were all so young, and it feels so long ago, almost like it doesn't exist anymore," he finally said, voice even. "But I know it does. I just have to face it, I've been running from it ever since it happened."

He gestured to his surroundings, and the puzzle clicked into place. This fame and jerk persona that Steve carried himself in, hid the real him. He ran from all of his problems, like anyone else would, especially when dealing with something as traumatic like he had.

You didn't know the details, didn't care to ask, since it seemed to affect him so much. All you knew was that person who had passed so long ago did matter to him, in ways that you couldn't imagine.

Letting him continue his mumblings about the person he used to know, you found out that his name had been Eddie, the one you heard on the phone before. Robin, long time best friend of his, was trying to get him to come out to reconnect with everyone, he hadn't seen much of them since the 'accident', as he had called it. He kept in touch with everyone over the phone, but seeing them in person was a whole different story. It opened up old wounds that he was afraid of what it might bring out.

The story was slightly confusing, him mentioning something about how they all had nearly lost their lives, details that would leave you wondering what this man had gone through. None of this information was available about him in the public, his childhood always being a vague story that never connected.

"So you have kids then?" You questioned, confused on how you never picked up on this detail. There had to have been at least five of them, names you had never heard before now.

Steve laughed suddenly, shaking his head as his hand rested on your own thigh. The two of you were much closer now, as his story unfolded. Your thighs were touching, each other's hands on resting upon each other, mere inches away from your faces.

"No, I don't have any. I guess, I should stop calling them kids now, you know?" His laugh was low in his throat. "They have kids of their own at this point, so they're far from it."

"Oh..." You were dumbfounded, all of this information being at a loss to you. You weren't here to understand, just here to listen.

"You know what, I'm sorry," he suddenly said, removing his hand from your leg. You wanted to whine at the absence, cold replacing his warm touch. "Maybe you should go, actually. This is pretty, uhm..."

"Unprofessional?" You supplied, inching closer as your boss sat there, wide eyed looking at you. In the dark light of his apartment, you could see the way his brown eyes glimmered at you. "I guess we're even then, me calling you a twat earlier."

Steve cackled, pinching the bridge of his nose as he thought of the events earlier.

"I knew you said that!"

You blushed, fighting back your own smile.

"It's not my fault, you were acting like one." Your lips pursed together, observing the older man in front of you.

Silence crept over you, the first break in conversation since his phone call ended earlier. Steve stared at you, eyes darting over your features as his teeth scraped over his bottom lip. You felt shy under his gaze, not knowing what to think of the moment as your boss was closer in proximity than he had ever been in your life.

"Can I make it up to you?"

His voice was low, and you were nodding before you even knew what he meant. Grabbing your cheek in his hand, the man leaned forward, capturing your lips into his. The gasp in your throat was lost in his mouth, a shuttering moan coming out instead.

His lips were soft, slightly chapped as they moved against yours. Fluttering your eyes closed, you leaned into the kiss, moving your hand so it rest at the curve of his hip, belt loop curling in your fingers.

He tasted of whiskey, the remnants of the few shots he had earlier lingering on his tongue. Steve pulled away slightly, muttering, "This okay?" against your lips as you nodded, pulling him in by his hair with your other hand.

Your breath grew more shallow as the kiss continued, leaning back as Steve began to tower over you. He shifted in his seat, covering your body with his own as he began to push you back into the couch. His figure was large over yours, scent of vanilla and cedar nearly suffocating you.

With your back flush against the couch, Steve removed himself from your lips, pressing a slight kiss against your jaw. You arched into the touch, palms running over the tight muscle of his back.

"S-steve," you moaned, squeezing your eyes shut as his lips kissed over your neck. Each press of his mouth sent fireworks down your spine.

He returned his lips to yours, moving with a passion that was lacking previously, confidence replacing the apprehension he once felt.

Your legs spread, inviting him to nestle in between, the thick material of his jeans rubbing against your own. A bulge was present, the thought of what lay underneath sending goosebumps over your skin.

Steve was lost in the kiss, his mouth nipping at yours as he reached down to unbutton your pants, slipping a hand to run over the front of your panties.

"W-wait," you muttered, grabbing his wrist as you pulled away from the kiss. He was confused, mouth red and swollen. His fingers pressed at your covered clit, a small shot of pleasure running through you.

"What's wrong, Yn?" The hand connected to his elbow that propped him up, ran through your hair, tucking a strand behind your ear. Concern crossed his features, searching your face as doubt crossed it.

"I just, uhh," you felt shy, avoiding his eye contact as the words stumbled out. "I've never really done this before?"

His eyes bulged out, sitting up suddenly as he leaned over you. Closing your eyes in embarrassment, you pressed the palm of your hand to your forehead. Way to ruin the moment.

"Oh," he breathed, eyes wide as he scanned you. "We don't-- fuck, sorry. I'm so, uh, wow."

He stood up suddenly, leaving you laying on your back as embarrassment colored your cheeks. You didn't know what to say as the older man panicked.

"Maybe, uh, maybe this was a bad idea," he shook his head, hand reaching down to palm at the front of his pants. Your eyes followed his hand, noticing the prominent bulge.

You spoke out, shaking your head as you didn't make any effort to move. The turn of events tonight made you realize how much you did want the man who stood before you.

"No, we can, it's okay," you said, reaching out to grab his hand that hung by his side. He looked down at your grasp before bringing his eyes to meet yours. "It's alright."

He hesitated, sputtering over something to say.

"Steve, it's okay," you pulled him down, his knees straddling the sides of your hips as he reluctantly settled into the couch. His eyes ran over your body, lingering at the spot where your pants were unbuttoned, cotton panties exposed.

"A-are you sure?" He questioned, moving to lean back down over you. You nodded, leaning up on your elbows to press a chaste kiss to his lips. His tongue darted out, wetting your bottom lip.

A breathy moan escaped your mouth, palm caressing the front of his shirt.

"I want to, it's fine."

You knew it was now or never, this moment with your boss being an opportunity that you couldn't have passed up. You always had a crush on him growing up, the face of Hollywood you would see in your teen magazines, posters covering the room of your friends. Working for him would've never had you imagining that it would lead to this moment.

Steve took control of the situation, kissing down your neck as his hand returned between your legs, pants thrown across the room somewhere. It had happened so fast, you barely noticed the cool air that pulled goosebumps from your skin.

"Tell me if you want to stop, okay?" He muttered, freshly shaved stubble prickling against your chin. You could barely get out a moan as your underwear was pulled down your legs, catching at the crook of your ankles.

You felt his fingers brush over your folds, pressing lightly at the slick entrance. His thumb rubbed in small circles over your small bundle of nerves, an eye-rolling feeling that spread your legs apart. His fingers pushed inside, his own moan coming out over yours.

The feeling of the intrusion had you panting, spreading your legs wider while his thick fingers worked you.

"M-more," you begged, throwing your head back as his fingers found a rhythm. He stretched you out over two fingers at this point, thumb collecting slick as it rubbed over your clit.

Steve's fingers curled inside of you, brushing against your sweet spot deep inside. The look on his face was one of admiration, mouth slack as he looked down at you falling apart under his touch.

"That's okay?" His voice was husky, deep with arousal as your hips began to move in time with his fingers. Your orgasm was approaching, hips moving on their own accord as you chased that high.

"God, yes, Steve."

Pushing your shirt up past your bra, Steve gaped at the sight before him, your fingers dipping inside your bra to toy at your own breasts.

"You look so perfect, angel," he muttered, leaning down to capture your lips into his as you fell apart. That white blinding of your orgasm crept in, starting at the base of your spine and blossoming through your entire body. Against his mouth, you shouted out, squeezing your eyes shut as he fingered you through the high.

It took a minute for you to catch your breath, legs spasming from the shocks of the orgasm. You hissed at the over stimulation, Steve pressing into your clit one last time before removing himself from you.

You felt shy suddenly, the haze from the orgasm clearing as you realized you had just done unimaginable things with your boss. Seeming to read your mind, Steve pressed small kisses around the perimeter of your face.

"It's alright," he said, hovering over you. Against your thigh, you could feel his bulge rub against you. "How are you feeling, good?"

You nodded, words at a loss in your throat. You reached up to place a hand on his neck, the other at his waist as you played with the hem of his shirt. His eyes fluttered close briefly before glancing down at where you were slightly tugging his shirt up.

He made eye contact with you, chewing on his bottom lip. "I need words, angel. Gotta make sure everything is 100% okay, okay?"

"I'm alright, Steve," you gasped, looking down where your own hand rubbed at the exposed part of his abdomen. You needed more, wanted to feel him all over you. You began to pull his shirt over his body, watching as he glanced down at you with hooded eyes. "Just need more of you."

He slowly nodded, sitting back on his knees as he unbuttoned his own pants and slid them down his legs. You giggled at him as he struggled to get them off, the smoothness he had previously disappearing as he nearly toppled off the couch.

You pulled your own shirt and bra off of you, dropping them on the floor next to the couch. "Nice own, old man," you laughed, returning to your spot against the couch.

He frowned at you, lip jutting out in an over exaggerated pout. "Heeyy, I still got it."

You were left breathless, the laughter disappearing at the tip of your tongue as his figure returned to cover your body. The tip of his cock nudged at your entrance, the wetness pooling at the head leaving you gasping.

Steve reached down to rub his cock against the length of your cunt, spreading the slick all over as you arched into him.

"Fuuckk, Steve." You hooked your ankle over his hip, warmness pooling in your belly at the thought of him being inside you. His eyes raked over you, lingering on your nipples as they shook with each moan you gave.

"You sure about this, Yn?" He asked, leaning down to dart his tongue over the skin of your breast. It sent shivers down your spine, another wave of heat rushing to your core. "I don't want to do anything you'll regret."

"'M not gonna regret this," you gasped, feeling the way the head of his cock slightly pushed at you. It burned, fuck, he was big.

The slight intrusion had you gripping at his back, leaving crescent moon marks in the skin. Your breath came out ragged, a whine scratching at the back of your throat.

Steve grunted at you, pushing in slowly as he buried his head into your shoulder. He stopped every few inches, hips stuttering slightly as he fought back to urge to fuck back into you full force.

Being an all new feeling, you couldn't help but mewl at every burn of the stretch, a fullness you had never experienced before.

He pressed to the hilt, hips flush against yours as Steve gasped for air in tune with you. He pulled his head back to make eye contact with you, forehead resting against yours. You felt the slight grinding of his hips against yours, the fullness becoming too much as you were stretched over him.

"You gotta bare with me, baby." The nickname had you moaning, fingers reaching down to dig at the plumpness of his ass. You could barely keep your eyes open, senses overwhelmed with Steve. "'S been a while for me."

Nodding, you gasped as he reared his hips back before they stuttered into you again. The movement sent a wave of slick between your thighs again, pleasure blinding you.

He found his rhythm, hips fucking into you slowly, languidly as you fell apart beneath him. You rocked with every movement of his hips, hands running over the tan skin of his body above you.

Finding his lips, you moaned against his mouth, savoring the feeling that was building up in your abdomen as the two of you moved in sync.

Steve gave you words of affirmation, hips drilling into you over and over as his cock brushed over your deep bundle of nerves. Bliss approached you once more, wetness dripping all over him as you were brought to that high again.

"Gonna cum, Steve," you whispered against his mouth, back arching into him. He reached down between you, fingers toying at your clit as they began to rub in small circles.

"Cum for me baby," he breathed, voice low as your eyes rolled back. His voice brought you over the edge, high shout escaping your lips as that pleasure took over you again.

As he fucked your through your orgasm, his own approached, hips losing their rhythm as you felt his release deep inside you. A low groan of his came out, a breathy fuck being the last thing you remember before you closed your eyes.

Your body felt light, head foggy as you came down from your orgasm. It was pure bliss what you felt, heart pounding in your chest as sleep took over you.

You shot out of bed, frantically searching for your phone as you realized the sun was creeping through the curtains. Crisp, white sheets were pooled around you, swallowing you up whole.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," you muttered, trying to search for your device in the darkness of the room. The dark curtains were drawn, only allowing a sliver of light in, but enough for you to realize how late in the morning it was.

As your eyes adjusted to the darkness, anxiety crept over you, realizing you weren't in your room. A tossing figure lay next to you, his body half covered as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. In that moment, everything from last night came crashing back, embarrassment flooding your cheeks.

"Hey, Yn, what's wrong?" Steve's voice was groggy, as he blinked in the darkness of the room. He glanced towards the curtains and then to you, noticing the way you covered your frame with the corner of the sheet.

"What time is it?" You half shouted, looking on the bedside table for your phone. Steve was no help, slowly stretching out his limbs as he yawned.

"Too fucking early for you to be that loud," he muttered, sitting up on his elbows. The sheet pooled around his waist, exposing his bare abdomen and a deep V that cut below his waist.

You quickly looked away, blush deepening on your face. "We have to go, Ste-Mr. Harrington. We're gonna be in so much trouble."

You heard him chuckle at you, sighing as he relaxed once again in the bed. His arms circled your waist, pulling you down into him as you continued to panic. He lay behind you, your head resting on his chest as he buried his face into your shoulder.

"Shhh," he whispered, tightening his grip on your waist. "Called in today, came down with something apparently."

You shook your head, resting your hands on his where they rested on your stomach. "Can you even do that?"

"What are they gonna do? Fire me?" He laughed, pressing a light kiss to your shoulder. The anxiety that built up in your spine disappeared at his touch, the familiarity of his body replacing it. You turned in his arms, now chest to chest with the man.

His eyes were closed, sleepiness still evident over his features.

"Are you going to fire me?" You whispered at him, watching as his brow furrowed before he squinted open his eyes at you.

"What? No, what are you talking about?" He seemed genuinely confused at your question, hand rubbing at your waist. Relief took stake in your chest.

"I slept with my boss last night," you laughed at yourself, voice dropping even lower as you saw a smirk cross his face. He was smug, shaking his head with laughter as you playfully slapped at his chest.

"Pretty sure I'm the one with a lawsuit pending if anything," he said, laughter dying as you placed a small peck to his lips.

As you pulled away, he leaned into it further, tongue darting out to lick at yours. A wave of arousal pooled in the pit of your stomach.

He towered over you, mouth nipping at you as you sighed into the kiss. The two of you moved in sync, you moving onto your back as Steve leaned over your figure. A breathy moan escaped your lips, only to be cut off by his phone ringing.

"For fuck's sake," he grumbled, separating himself from you as he reached for it on his side of the bed. He answered it quickly, realizing it was his publicist as he placed it on speaker. "What d'you need, man?"

His lips returned to yours briefly, before kissing down your neck. The sheets were slowly pulled off of you as he made his way down, nipping at your chest, then your nipple, and soft kisses pressed to your stomach.

Your mouth fell open in a silent moan, trying to stay as quiet as possible as his publicist droned on about some appearance he had to make in the next week. Steve was staring up at you, making small confirmation 'mhm's' in response to the phone call. A coy smile was on the corners of your mouth as you looked down at him wide eyed.

'Stop' you mouthed through gritted teeth. He nipped at your hip bone in protest, shaking his head at you.

You couldn't tell if it was Steve's mouth pressing to your heat or the next word's of his publicist that made your stomach drop.

"While we're at it, Steve, how about we talk how Page Six has pictures of you with a mysterious somebody in your apartment building?" They grumbled, voice staticy as it came through the phone. You felt Steve smirk against you, tongue lapping between your legs. "Aren't we a little too old to bring people back to your own place like that?"

A moan escaped you as you gripped at his hair. Steve looked up at you, wide eyed as he reached up to slap a hand across your mouth. 'Shhh', he mouthed, his own laugh threatening to spill out as his publicist's voice faltered at the noise.

"St-steve?" It said, apprehension in the tone. "Are you doing what I think you're doing? Really, man?"

Steve laughed as his hand remained over your mouth, muffling the sounds of your own laughter. They would recognize it if they heard it. He grabbed the phone from where it lay abandon, speaking into it as his thumb hovered the 'end call'.

"Something came up, gotta take care of it," he grimaced at you as you licked his hand. "Bye!"

He hung up right as the voice protested, tossing his phone aside as he leaned over you once again. His long hair hung in his face, eyes raking over your naked body.

"Now... where were we?"

an: I had to sneak in a line from All of Us Strangers because that movie was so moving. If you know, you know. I promise one of these days, I won't make Steve an asshole right off the bat, he'll be lovable.

masterlist. inbox and requests are open!

#steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington smut #fanfic #my writing #writing my dark fantasies and praying they come true to my alt universe self

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biggesthomuradefender · 2 months ago

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one thing i feel like some ppl forget, gloss over, or just don’t know abt madoka/madokami, is that her existence as a concept/god is much more than being lonely and unhappy, it also involves a cycle of endless and constant suffering and purification w absolutely no reward outside of saving magical girls from being witches.

let me explain:

when madoka made her wish, aka became a god, she swore to prevent all witches from the past, the present, and the future forever, meaning that madoka is CONSTANTLY sending herself everywhere at once all the time in order to do that, while also having to absorb the negative energy from their gems AND purify it all at the same time.

could you imagine just how absolutely fucking exhausting and lonely that is? not only does no one know or remember her, outside of homura, and she can’t even interact w anybody outside of her role as a savior and a god.

and she constantly has to purify all of the negative energy she absorbs 24/7. is an endless cycle with, as i said before, zero reward except for preventing witches.

there’s a scene in rebellion where madoka reaches for homura, and each time she does, you can see scars littered on her arm (s). not only is that a literal representation of her dying for the “sins”, aka wishes of all magical girls, but i also think that they’re meant to signify madoka’s pain, the pain she hides and lies about behind her god status and her genuine, loving demeanor.

it’s why the flower scene is so important and powerful; yes, it may have been madoka w/o her proper memories intact, but that’s exactly it: madoka is only able to be so honest w homura right then and there bc she doesn’t remember her godly obligations, all of her guilt and responsibilities at all.

and homura knows all of this. it’s why her reaction is so intense, desperate, and painful, esp after her fake world begins to rly fall apart; like madoka, homura very easily blames herself for a lot, even the stuff that isn’t rly her fault and she’s just being unfair/mean to herself.

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brujamala-aka-gigi · 4 months ago

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sea bunny plushies and random tarot messages

( ( i had to take some time off because life was being too exhausting but now i'm back with my pac readings, missed tumblr so much tbh. ) )

so: pick a sea bunny plushie and let's see what random pieces of advice you can get from the tarot.

number 1 number 2 number 3

number 4 number 5 number 6

꒰ঌ ✦ scroll down for the results ໒꒱ ༘*.ﾟ

-ˋˏ ༻ ❁ Masterpost and Tarot Menu ❁༺ ˎˊ-

images are from pinterest and dividers are by @nicodefresas

reblog if you enjoyed this reading or if you enjoy sea bunny plushies <3

༘⋆♡⸝⸝💌⊹。°˖➴

꒰ BUNNY NUMBER ONE ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

Being overly confident and reliant on thoughts that don’t come from healthy spaces is understandable if you’re in a desperate rush to find stability in your life. But sometimes these ideas will make you unable to move further, especially if moving on involves the questioning of such toxic beliefs. It is quite normal to find comfort in what we already know, but just because something is normalized (on the outside world or on your inner world) it doesn’t mean it’s healthy, or that it’s actually genuine to you. Even if your ambitions are coherent, take time to reflect on how you understand and conceptualize your own struggle and your path to success.

꒰ BUNNY NUMBER TWO ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

Neglecting healthy conversations about your emotions for the sake of other’s comfort is definitely stunting the development of many unrelated matters, not recognizing the importance of preserving your mental and emotional stability, is taking a toll on other aspects of your life. You’re giving away too much of your energy to people and places that won’t make an effort to comprehend the real complexity and validity of your purest emotions. Even if you feel like you’ve recently been too emotional, that won’t be solved by dissociating yourself from something so human and natural as feelings are.

꒰ BUNNY NUMBER THREE ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

This is a great moment to understand that it’s okay if you are not entirely sure on what to do next with your life. Taking the time to rest or taking an entirely new direction is also part of your own life path. Don’t expect answers that will come from outside yourself, you will find more clarity if you focus on building your own spaces of comfort and growth with the resources and people you already have in your life. Don’t look for things that are not meant to find you yet, find the time to take care and nurture what’s already there for you to help you grow.

꒰ BUNNY NUMBER FOUR ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

Even if it is quite undesirable to be in situations where you have to embrace chaos and accept uncertainty, it is helpful to understand that uninterrupted stability eventually begins to feel like stagnation. Situations of conflict are necessary on time to time in order to test the value and strength of anything. It’s key to understand that what’s needed in moment’s of instability is not a toxic sense of optimism and hope, but more so an objective analysis of what can be done since the problem is giving an opportunity to fix what’s broken and check what could break next.

꒰ BUNNY NUMBER FIVE ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

Your decision taking abilities might be affected by a false sense of urgency on time to time. If your mind is moving too quickly and it seems like there’s only few options where you have to go all in, just know that it’s likely that you are not thinking completely straight. Being paralyzed and stuck on unhealthy thought patterns is keeping you away from seeing the full picture. The overly rationalized insecurities and negative self talk might be unperceivable due to it being incorporated as normal and healthy “self criticism”. Is not, and it’ll affect your life negatively.

꒰ BUNNY NUMBER SIX ꒱ؘ ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

It’s okay to embrace the simple pleasures in life and feel confident in material success, yet being overly fixated on this will take away many opportunities to develop a deeper perspective on many issues you might be wilfully ignoring. Don’t allow yourself to change your core beliefs in order to appease hedonistic needs, as this will bring you to periods of stagnation. Take the time to establish your priorities and keep them in mind whenever anything feels too good to be true, if you don’t care for your success, nobody else will.

Hey hiii, it's me, Gigi. I hope you enjoyed this reading and you found something helpful or entertaining on it. In all honesty, im so so soo obsessed with those plushies like, i couldn't resist the urge to use them as visuals for this post i dont care how unserious it seems.

anyways, i'm back to being cronically online, my bookings are open so check my tarot menu if you're interested. and my masterpost has all my pac readings so far if you're into them.

if you feel like reblogging and liking this post, i appreciate the shit out of that and i love you.

i think i don't have much else to say, other than hi im back, missed this place so much.

so,,, bye <3 much love, gigi.

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haruchuiyo · 1 year ago

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empty classroom

content: not sfw + alone in a empty classroom with yuuta okkutsu + jealousy (from yuuta and reader) + f!reader + requited crush + thigh riding + praise (f receiving) + reader has built up cursed energy and yuuta manages to help it in his way and just empty classroom “activities” with yuuta

word count: 2k+

—

It was infuriating watching him talk to her like that. He seems so happy and delighted just to talk to her and be in her presence. You can’t help the jealousy in you building up. He was being nice and sweet, just like how he is.

You turned around to walk away, not bothering to watch the guy you like talk to your classmate. Maki is a nice and pretty girl, you see why Yuuta would like her.

Unbeknownst to you, as you turn around Yuuta watches you walk away and he sighs. He hears Maki say something he shakes his head at. “You should really tell her, she reeks of cursed energy.”

“There’s no point, I don’t even know why she’s building so much negativity inside her.” Yuuta says, watching you with longing feelings inside him. He likes you a lot. And he feels jealous, so jealous when you just greet Inumaki with a hug, or simply talk to him.

“Then go ask. It’s not that hard, Okkotsu.” Maki says. Yuuta felt determination but also fear. Scared of your reaction when he tells you his honest and true feelings.

“Maybe some other day.” He says and Maki lightly scoffs. “Do it before other people also can smell the cursed energy on her.”

—

It was after a mission that happened, you felt exhausted and your muscles sore. And when you see Yuuta talk to Maki, you practically stomped away. Yuuta was already looking at you when you took a step into the same vicinity.

As you were about to walk away, you see him run up to you. As he arrives, he sniffs the air and makes a worried expression at you. He quickly grabs your wrist to your surprise. You love his touch on your bare skin.

“Where are you taking me, Yuuta?” His name falls off your mouth so sweetly, he could get on his knees at your feet and spill out his feelings for you if you just said his name again.

“Somewhere empty, because you’re reeking of cursed energy.” You make a confused expression at that. You reeking of cursed energy?

“What do you mean by that?” You ask as he pulls you into an empty classroom far away from the main buildings. You’re facing him against the wall and Yuuta sighs.

“What’s bothering you?” He ignored your question but his question was genuine. His voice soft and it made you feel so frustrated. You wish he could just read your mind right then and there, then tell him you’ve built up negative energy because of him. Because you’re jealous.

He was so close to you, just two more steps, your breasts could be pushed up against his leaner body. He could nestle his hips between your thighs and get rid of the cursed energy just by doing something. Something that consists of heartfelt words, his soft lips moulding against yours as he holds you against him, his grip rough but gentle.

“Nothings bothering me.” You sigh out, embarrassed to tell him and embarrassed of what you just thought. What if you didn’t just build the amount of cursed energy because of jealousy to the point of reeking, but also because you felt needy for him. Needing him in ways only he can fulfill.

Then he was there. Close, but not close enough to have his chest pressed up against yours but close enough for you feel his warm breath on your face. He smells of a lemon minty scent. You wonder if he’d taste like that too if you just put your lips on top of his. You glance at his lips, subconsciously craning your head up at him. You see him looking down at your lips as well, his eyes changing expressions, like he thinks the same as you. If you’d taste just as sweet in his mouth.

“It’s because of you.” You mumble, looking away from him. Yuuta looks at your face away from your mouth. “Me?” He asks confused and you lightly mutter a cuss word out of frustration.

“Because I like you, you idiot. I’m jealous of every single person you talk to because I want you to talk to me.” You ramble out. Then your voice turns soft and embarrassed. “Only talk to me.” You look down at the button on his uniform. Yuuta is quiet for what felt like hours but only a few seconds.

“I like you too. A lot.” He confesses softly. You look up at him surprise, feeling hopeful then you remembered how he practically beamed in Maki’s presence.

“You’re lying. You’re only saying that to make me feel better. You probably only like me as a friend.” You remark. Yuuta sighs.

“I’m speaking the truth.” He simply says, his words final and you still don’t believe it.

“That doesn’t explain how you’re so happy to talk to Maki.” Yuuta is getting frustrated with you at every word you spill out. He wish he could just shake you into believing him. So he does that. He grabs onto your shoulders and practically shakes you against the wall. You turn furious at his actions and he doesn’t care.

“Because I’m talking about you, you idiot.” His words surprises you and the cuss word he let out. Yuuta never cusses and the fact he did that right now, in front of you, makes you wanna believe him.

You stutter out your next words to him. “I still don’t believe you.” Then he was lowering his head, his eyes looked into yours. The last thing you see on Yuuta’s gentle and pretty face, is his eyes turning furious as he grabs onto your face before he lets out a low grunt, and then his lips was on top of yours. You softly gasp as he slanted his mouth, prying your lips open with his tongue and you kiss him back. He do taste like lemon mint. Just like how you thought.

Yuuta trails his hands up your face to curl his fingers into your hair. He feels how your hands that was hanging by your hips is now on the back of his uniform jacket, holding him tightly. He craves you even more. He wants all of you. He needs to touch you deeper, feel your bare skin against his. He angles his mouth against yours to kiss you deeper.

He presses his hips against yours possessively and to keep you in place. Not letting you be able to let go at all. Or move out of place away from him. He has you here, against him, against the wall and against his mouth. You taste so sweet, like you belong to him and him only.

The kiss changed so quickly, for it to go from a frustrated kiss of a ‘believe me’ to a needy one. Like you needed each others breath and kisses to survive and to feed on.

Yuuta pushes his tongue between your lips, scrapes it against your teeth, letting it wander over the roof of your mouth and he moans. He moans like he couldn’t believe it. A moan slips past your mouth when you feel him practically slam you against the wall, his hands traveling down your spine, yanking your skirt uniform up to squeeze onto your backside, yanking you closer and closer to him. Pushing you against his hard on between your thighs, hard and thick through your own uniform. You moan again when he rolls his hips against you. Your own hands trail up to his hair and you grip onto him tightly.

He kept kissing you like a man starved. Like he needs more than enough of a fill of you.

Heat builds up even more inbetween your thighs, your underwear soaked and your thighs squeeze against themselves. You need him more and more, needed him to press up against you.

Then you feel him haul you up against him. You listen to his wordless demands and you wrap your thighs around his body. To say it felt so good is an understatement. It felt beautiful and exquisite. Like you’re already at the doors to heaven. You groan into the kiss in relief and he moans against your mouth. And he presses up against your clothed heat, rolling his hips against you as an unrestrained moan leaves your mouth.

You felt so good against him, your thighs wrapped around his waist so possessively and so tight, like you won’t ever let go of him at all. He sucks up every single sweet moan that he hears, kissing you harder and harder like your kisses are his pumped blood to your heartbeats.

Yuuta’s lips trails down your jaw, over your neck, sucking onto your pulse point. His teeth latching onto your skin, biting, nipping and tugging as it stung but you love it. Your soft gasps tells Yuuta everything he needs to know and he doesn’t stop. This is the heartfelt words you wanted. Although not words but heartfelt nonetheless.

Every inch and spot of your body is heated, unstable like you first hand wandered into a blazing fire. His sweet words of affection and praise doesn’t ease it. His whispers of so sweet, you’re so good to me, I just love the taste of you, could taste and kiss you all day — against your skin. You whimper as he continues down your collarbone, to the small place of your throat as he continues to rut his hips against you, pleading to him in your whines and wordless pleas that that he should alleviate the pressure building up in your lower abdomen.

And he does it, it’s like your breath disintegrated and your blood turned blazing hot. He shifted his body, tentatively but also sure, moved his thighs between your thighs, rested you against his thighs and he moves his knee. You burrow your face against his shoulder blade.

The intense gasp he heard against his shoulder, it made him more determined. The more he rolls your body against his moving thighs, the more he gets to hear your soft voices. He pressed his thigh forward, the fabric of his pants and his hard muscle brushing against your clothed clit. He felt like he could feel your soaked heat leaving wet spots on his pants. How he wished to see it in front him, knowing it’s dripping all for him. He kisses the side of your neck.

You feel one of his hands travel below your skirt to your panties, to your clit and then he rubbed. Once, you’re mewling against his skin, twice, you were so close that your grip on his hair tightens. Thought you hear him lightly wince, he is still breathing against your skin, whispering soft words of endearments — yes, sweet girl, keep moving like that, yeah, so close for me yes, come for me angel, just like that.

He keeps rubbing against your clothed clit and you came. Probably with a muffled scream, a loud gasp and with few cuss words. Maybe you said you love him. Yuuta keeps murmuring sweet words against your skin and as he feels you pants against him, he moves his hands up to cup your face, planting a breathy soft kiss against your mouth. You softly panting against him and when you feel his warm breath against your face, you practically let out soft cry when he teases you by rubbing last time on your clit.

Yuuta feels you slap his back, muttering a ‘you’re being mean’, the slap barely there and he lightly chuckles. He looks down at you, sweat on your forehead, your hairs sticking to your skin and you look so cute. He wants to do this all over again, just to feel your thighs tighten their hold around him when he makes you feel so good, feeling your soft pants and breaths against him, your tight hold on his hair like he’s your anchor.

You come down from your haze, your heart beating fast, way to fast for your liking and your minds in a haze once again when you see how messy but how beautiful Yuuta looks. You’re still holding onto his hair, it’s messy, his face are flushed, his lips swollen and there’s an air of lightness to him. You feel relieved.

“You smell sweetly like yourself again, no more of that cursed energy.” He softly tells you, his expression gentle as his eyes flicker all over your face. You feel him hold your face, thumbs leisurely stroking your cheeks. You reach down to hold his face as well, he nuzzles into your hold, turning his face to place a chaste kiss against your palm. Warmth surges up inside you at his actions and how he looks at you. Like you hold the entire galaxy in your hands and his heart.

“I like you.” He confesses again. Tears wells up in your eyes. “I like you so much, every chance I get, I talk about how sweet you are, how pretty you look.” His voice is so warm and full of wonder when he tells you that. “Really?” Your voice was low, unsure but you still believed him. He nods his head at you and you feel so relieved at his confirmation.

“You said you get jealous, yeah?” He asks tenderly, you give a slight nod, feeling embarrassed. He nods his head as well, brushing his nose against yours.

“I get jealous too, everytime you talked to inumaki or anyone for that matter, I wanted to you keep you to myself and have your eyes on me only.” Why’s he so sweet? You could kiss him again. And that you do.

You press a tender kiss atop his mouth and he replies to the kiss, moulding his lips against yours at a leisure pace. He softly strokes your cheeks once more. He pulls away, brushing his nose against yours again.

“So do you believe me now?” He grins at you and you playfully scoff. “After you just made me come on your thighs?” You say and at your words, your Yuuta blushes furiously and he hides his face in the crook of your neck. You giggle at his reaction.

“Do I get make you come like that in the near future?” You hear him barely say after a few seconds and your heart quickens even more. He moves his hand down to your backside again as he said that and you tighten your thighs around him even more. You feel him rub circles on your ass, awaiting your response, his lips softly nipping on your neck, gently but impatiently, still waiting for your reply.

When you said yes, he took his opportunity to make you feel good against him once again.

—

id get on my knees begging yuuta to kiss me like that even though I’d feel so humiliated doing that but whatever, it’s for yuuta <3

if you came this far and enjoyed it, a reblog and a like would be so nice and appreciated + a lil comments of your reactions to this hehe

#jjk scenarios #jjk imagines #jjk smut #jjk yuta #jjk yuuta #yuuta okkotsu #yuuta smut #yuuta scenarios #jujutsu kaisen yuta okkotsu #jujutsu kaisen yuuta #jujutsu kaisen smut #yuta okkotsu #yuta okkutsu smut #yuta smut #jjk yuta smut #jujutsu kaisen yuta smut #yuta scenarios #yuuta x reader #jjk x reader

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i-cant-sing · 1 year ago

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I don’t see any Castlevania asks and that makes me sad as HELL

How would (Y/N) react to Lisa’s burning? How would Dracula’s war court react to her? And Hector and Isaac?

I'm gonna go down the platonic route and make reader Lisa and Dracula's daughter, biological or kidnapped/adopted.

Obviously, any normal human would not react well to anyone being burned at the stake- ALIVE. And maybe when the villagers caught Lisa, they caught you as well and thought you were a witch too. They burned your mother first and just when they had started to burn you, Dracula came and swooped you up and away, along with his now dead wife's remains and while you passed out due to inhaling all the smoke, sustaining some minor burn injuries and well- EXHAUSTION AND TRAUMA, your father returned to slay the entire village and later wreak havoc on all of humanity. Really, a justified reaction from a family man.

Anyways, he returns home with you in his arms and then nurses you back to health all while killing everyone outside. Now, he may still be soft to you but you are absolutely forbidden from leaving the castle. Like you cant even go outside even if Dracula accompanies you. No, he's lost his wife and if youre their bio kid who is more human than vampire unlike your older brother Alucard, then Dracula is way more protective of you. After all, he did see you almost die and really, you remind him far too much of his wife, of her humanity and her kind heart to help others that eventually got her killed.

Initially, right after Lisa's death, Dracula didn't even allow you to even leave your room, too paranoid about some unknown force killing you and him not being able to save you in time. Eventually though, with other vampires and monsters(under his control obv) in the castle, he let you out of your room, but still not out of the castle, and thats when you found out that he had thrown out Alucard and (sort of disowned him??) because your brother was not in favour of Dracula either killing the world or locking you up.

Now, like I said before, Dracula is still soft for you but with Lisa's death he's become a little... emotionally crippled. He has too much pain and hatred inside him, and he's doing his very best that you dont end up on the receiving end of these very negative and very dangerous emotions. However, he sometimes... loses control. When you keep on persisting about how all of this is wrong, about how he shouldnt kill ALL humans, how he shouldnt lock you up or break what remains of this family, he lets his anger out on you. Only a little. He'd yell at you, tell you that you're far too stupid an naive and stubborn to understand what he's doing or why, ask if you're going to side with those murderers that you so desperately want to save over your own family? Are you that blind? He'd drag you back to your room, lock you in there because he wont have you questioning him like he's the bad guy here.

But soon after that, he'd be found sitting in front of one of Lisa's portraits, probably one where she's cradling baby you and he'd start talking to her, trying to explain himself, how he did not mean to blow up at you but you just wouldn't listen to him. The one sided conversation would always end with Dracula feeling guilty and he returns to your room with a heavy heart that just sinks more when he sees you asleep, tear streaks now drying on your cheeks. Sitting on your bed, he'd pet your hair, mumble something about how he loves you and cant afford to risk losing you, smiling softly when you shuffle closer to him.

Since Dracula knows Hector is loyal and sincere to him, he will allow you to have him as your friend. After all, you would need some company in the castle and vampire dad on murder spree is not exactly someone who is ideal for friendship at the moment. So, he permits and even encourages Hector to socialise with you and comfort you. And Hector has a bleeding heart too, so you're in luck because he will happily listen to you express your emotions and provide you with free therapy (he makes dead, one missing limb/eye puppies alive for you🥺) He just wanna protect u too, and while he doesnt agree with you being locked up in the castle, its better than the alternative. Also, has and will fight Isaac 1000% if he talks shit about you because youre human.

As for the court, they know that you are now the only thing dear to Dracula, and while one wouldnt say that you have the vampire king wrapped around your finger, he comes pretty close to it. But its no use really because they cant exactly use you to make Dracula listen to them... or can they?

Considering that you're pretty against the whole "Vampire uprising-kill all humans" plan, they cant persuade you to enslave or kill humans. What they can do is gain Dracula's favour by being... kind to you? Okay take Carmilla for example (because she's the only one I can remember from the court. Her and the brash, red haired vamp?) Now she's smart, she's manipulative and she knows exactly how to use this opportunity. She starts to befriend you by first agreeing that she understands why you're against your father's actions but also tells you that you must understand his decisions from his side. "Your mother was a kind woman, a brilliant doctor and from what I've heard, your father loved her very much. And if you've ever been in love, then you would understand why he's doing all of this." And of course Dracula overhears this because come on, nothing happens in his castle without his knowledge. So yes, he shows slight favouritism towards Carmilla among the court and he may allow her to hang around you a bit (only after Carmilla convinced him that you needed a female friend in your life, and its always better to be in her company than any of those perverted men of his court) but even then, Dracula doesn't completely trust her around you and so he wont allow you two be in contact often.

Dracula would also be way more conscious of your feelings with time, because he will realise eventually that he was far too caught up in his own pain and plan for vengeance that he forgot to see how you were coping with the loss of your mother. If any of the vampires are heard saying something even remotely mean to you, if he even hears Isaac even breathing in disgust at the sight of you because you were part human, they will be swiftly dealt with (girl, he murders them all).

You're his baby, his sweet human kid, his little princess and he wont have anyone or anything taking you away from him. (LET HIM PULL YOU IN HIS LAP AND WRAP HIS CLOAK AROUND YOU AND DRIFT OFF IN HIS ARMS BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONLY WARMTH LEFT FOR HIS COLD DEAD HEART OMGGGG)

Ah i miss Castlevania asks too, platonic yandere castlevania asks especially. everyone send in ur asks.

(omg what about yandere brother Trevor Belmont?)

#yandere castlevania #yandere dracula #yandere alucard #yandere hector #castlevania x reader #yandere lisa tepes #dracula tepes #dracula x reader #dracula x reader x lisa

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starsenha · 2 months ago

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UNDERSTANDING / P.J

Pairing ◊ fem!reader x bf!jay

Genre ◊ fluff, established relationship

Warnings ◊ talk about bad mental health, just jay being a sweetheart I'm sobbing

Word count ◊ 1k

Summary ◊ you were so greateful to have a such understanding boyfriend by your side.

a/n: felt really mentally bad a few days ago so this bloomed in my mind hehe, enjoy!

You had been looking forward to your date with Jay all week. The plan was simple: a walk around the park, grabbing some ice cream, and maybe catching a movie later. But when the morning came, you woke up feeling… off. It wasn’t like you hadn’t felt this way before—this heavy, gray feeling that made everything seem distant—but it was the last thing you wanted on a day like today.

You stared at your phone, fingers hovering over the screen. It felt wrong to cancel, especially since you and Jay had been planning this. But at the same time, the thought of putting on a happy face, of pretending you were okay when you weren’t, felt exhausting. Jay knew about your struggles with mental health; you had talked about it before. But still, there was always that small voice in your head whispering that you were being a burden.

With a deep breath, you finally typed out the message.

[you] Hey, would it be okay if we postponed the date today?

You hit send before you could overthink it, your heart racing as you waited for his response. Within a minute, your phone buzzed.

[Songie 💙] Of course, baby! Are you okay?

You hesitated for a moment, your fingers tracing the edge of your phone as you tried to find the right words. You didn’t want to lie, but you also didn’t want to dump all your emotions on him. Finally, you decided to just be honest.

[you] I’m not really feeling like myself today. Kind of out of it, and I don’t want to bring any negativity to our date. I don’t want to bother you.

The response came quickly, like he was waiting for your message.

[Songie 💙] Hey, you are NEVER a bother. I mean that. I’d be happy to spend time with you, even if you’re not feeling okay.

A lump formed in your throat, and you blinked back the sudden sting of tears. You knew Jay cared, but sometimes it still caught you off guard how understanding he was.

Before you could reply, another message came through.

[Songie 💙] Actually… can I come over? I really want to see you, even if we don’t do anything. We don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. I just want to be there with you.

You smiled softly at his words, though you were still unsure. The idea of just… being with someone without having to pretend to be fine sounded comforting, but you didn’t want him to feel like he had to take care of you.

[you] Are you sure? I’m really not in the mood to talk much. I was just going to stay in and watch my comfort show.

You didn’t have to explain what your comfort show was. Jay knew. It was the one you always turned to when you were feeling down, something familiar and soothing.

[Songie 💙] Of course I’m sure. I’ll be happy just to see your pretty little face.

A small laugh escaped your lips despite yourself. Jay always knew how to make you feel a little lighter, even when everything else felt heavy.

[Songie 💙] I’ll come over in a bit. Want me to pick up something for you? I can grab your favorite from that fast food place you love. I know you probably haven’t eaten.

That hit deeper than you expected. He knew. He always seemed to know when you were struggling, even when you hadn’t said much. The thought of food hadn’t even crossed your mind until he mentioned it, and now that he did, you realized how hungry you were. But more than that, it was the fact that he was offering to take care of you in such a simple, thoughtful way that made your chest tighten with emotion.

[you] Okay. That sounds nice. Thanks, songie.

Jay: Don’t mention it. I’ll be there soon.

You put your phone down and leaned back against the couch, feeling a little less tense now that you didn’t have to worry about the date. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to spend time with Jay—it was the opposite. You just didn’t want to be a weight on him, to drag down what was supposed to be a fun day. But Jay… he never made you feel like that. Not once.

Twenty minutes later, there was a knock at your door. You opened it to find Jay standing there with a warm smile and a bag of food in one hand. His hair was a little messy from the wind, and he was wearing that hoodie you always said you liked on him.

"Hey, baby," he said softly, stepping inside. "I brought you your favorite."

The smell of fries and a burger filled the room, and your stomach growled. You hadn’t realized just how much you needed this. You smiled gratefully and took the bag from him.

"Thank you," you mumbled, feeling a little shy all of a sudden.

"Of course," he said, leaning down to give you a soft kiss on your forehead. "I’m just happy to see you."

You led him to the couch, where you had already set up your comfort show on the TV. Jay kicked off his shoes and settled in next to you, close enough that your legs brushed against each other, but not so close that it felt overwhelming. He handed you the food, and as you unwrapped your burger, he pressed play on the show.

For a while, you sat in comfortable silence, the sounds of the familiar show filling the room. Jay didn’t push you to talk, didn’t ask you how you were feeling. He just… sat with you, sharing the space in that gentle, understanding way that only he could.

After a while, you leaned into him, resting your head on his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around you, pulling you closer, and you felt the tension in your body start to melt away, just a little. It wasn’t that everything was suddenly okay—it wasn’t. But having Jay there, quietly watching your favorite show with you, made things feel a little more bearable.

"You know," he said quietly after a while, his voice barely above a whisper, "I’m always here for you. Even on the hard days. Especially on the hard days."

You didn’t say anything, but you reached for his hand and squeezed it, your heart full of gratitude.

He squeezed back, and that was enough. You didn’t need words right now. You had Jay, and that was more than enough.

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urdepressedslut · 1 year ago

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You’re Mine, Sunshine ❝part four❞

♡ Pairing: Grumpy!Bodyguard!Bucky Barnes x Sunshine!Fem!Reader

♡ Summary: You don’t know what to think of Bucky after he took you to bed last night. Bucky can’t continue to keep the stalking situation hidden from you. Something is found on your doorstep.

♡ Warnings: talk of parent death, light angst, fluff, stalking, hints to death threats

Part 5

Trope ⇢ Grumpy x Sunshine | Mob!Au Bodyguard!Au

Despite falling asleep way earlier then you had meant to last night, you still felt exhausted. Mentally, physically— everything.

You had hoped to wake up, with all the events from yesterday being a dream. But unfortunately, you couldn’t escape the heartbreak.

Your hand itched for your phone, wanting to call your Father— to apologize. Pathetic, I know. You didn’t mean to stress him out, if that’s what you did. You didn’t mean to cause any problems, you were simply trying to spend time with him. As harmless as the act seemed, apparently it was an issue.

You were alone.

The thought brought images of your Mother to the surface, which for the most part were happy. It was the longing to have her hold you that brought on the wave of tears. You missed her so much. Her passing was so sudden— so out of nowhere. You’d give anything to see her one more time, to say goodbye this time.

“Morning Mom… I miss you.” You whispered to the ceiling, a part of you waiting for an answer you knew would never come.

You remembered the nights that you wailed to your walls, crying to the ceilings— in your desperate attempts to talk to your Mother. Even after some time, the pain didn’t fade. You knew it never would.

Although she wasn’t physically here, you hoped everyday that she was watching over you.

Your head pounded slightly from crying last night— into this morning. You quickly decided to hop into the shower, hoping that the warm water would relax your muscles, calm your racing thoughts.

Today was a good day, you would make sure of that.

After showering, you already felt better. You felt clean— almost as if the shower had physically washed away the negativity. Well, you hoped it did just that.

Throwing on some shorts and a t-shirt, you headed downstairs. Already brainstorming ideas for breakfast, wondering what Bucky likes?

James. Where to even start.

You figured out pretty soon after meeting him that he was reserved. Kept to himself, would rather sit in the corner of the room while everyone else talked.

You giggled to yourself, thinking of him like a bear. He was a big burley man— like a bear. He could eat an entire fridge— like a bear. He was a total grump… but with that you could see the fuzzy side of him locked away— like a bear. Well, kinda.

You only noticed his fuzzy side from last night, helping you to bed— which was a little blurry amongst you being exhausted. But overall, you could tell he was being gentle with you. He could’ve easily just thrown you on the bed and called it a night, but he didn’t. He made sure you were okay— comfy.

The thought of him caring about you, even in the slightest— had your heart beating rapidly. Your stomach fluttering with sudden nerves.

Before you could finish your thought, you bumped right into a slick chest. Wait— slick?

Stepping back, your mouth hung open. Your eyes betraying you as they scanned up and down the view in front of you.

Bucky had just ended a workout it seemed, and was standing in front of you with his shirt off— exposing his thick, toned muscles. His body shined with sweat, and you could hear his slight heavy breathing.

All of a sudden you were just barely closing your legs together tight. You were only human— and the sight of him like this had your brain short circuiting.

“Sorry (Y/n).” He apologized, his voice breathy.

You took a deep breath, giving him a smile, but you could feel the heat rising to your cheeks— and you just knew you were red in the face. You looked down, pretending that the floor was suddenly interesting.

“Oh it’s f-fine!” You rushed out, stumbling over your word’s suddenly. “I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

What was wrong with you? You see him shirtless once and suddenly you are a cat in heat— control yourself!

Bucky on the other hand noticed your colored cheeks, smirking to himself at your nervous behavior. He realized he was shirtless, but he didn’t think you’d have much of a reaction.

You snuck another look at his glowing chest, your eyes then noticing the dark metal on his left arm. You furrowed your brows in curiosity, and instinctively leaned closer to investigate.

Bucky watched your eyes lock on his arm, and he couldn’t push down the discomfort the gesture brought. It wasn’t you— no. It was the reminder that he was different, and that no matter what— people would always view him differently.

You glanced up for a second, catching the discomfort in his eyes briefly. You cleared your throat and straightened back up.

“Sorry— I didn’t mean to stare like that! I’ve just never seen something so cool.” You admitted, scratching the back of your neck.

Bucky waved it off, like it was no big deal— because it really wasn’t. For some reason he didn’t mind your curiosity.

“Don’t worry about it.” He brushed it off.

You nodded your head in understanding, but he could tell you had many questions.

“Go ahead.” He rolled his eyes, throwing his towel over his shoulder.

Your eyes sparkled and you focused back on his arm.

“Can you feel things with it?” You asked, knowing it was a dumb question— but with how high tech the arm seemed… you were genuinely curious.

“No, it’s like any prosthetic— just a metal one.” He told you, holding his arm out so you could see it better.

“Since it’s metal— is it heavy?”

“Surprisingly no.” He answered, looking down at his own arm— inspecting the gold designs.

He realized then, he never really took much time to investigate his own arm. He was shocked to notice even tinier details amongst the gold streaks.

“If you walked by a fridge— would the magnets stick onto your arm?” You asked and Bucky squinted his eyes, giving you the look.

“I don’t know— but we aren’t going to test that theory.” He huffed annoyed, although it was hard to keep the act up when he heard your light laughter float through the air.

You were holding a palm over your mouth, in attempt to quiet the giggles— but the tune leaked through the cracks of your fingers. The sweet song dancing around him.

“Sorry, sorry. That was mean! I just wanted to know.” You giggled.

Before you could think about your next move, you stepped forward and held his metal hand in yours— looking closely at the metal.

Bucky knew he couldn’t feel things with his metal prosthetic, so why was he suddenly getting this phantom tingling where his fingers should be.

“So cool.” You whispered to yourself.

Bucky fought down the smile at your reaction to something so simple. Well, simple to him.

He cleared his throat and started to pull his hand away, despite him not really wanting to.

You released it quickly, scratching the back of your neck again in embarrassment. By now, your cheeks were dusted a dark pink.

“Oh… um anyway— I was actually looking for you, trying to decide what to make for breakfast? Any ideas?” You asked him.

Bucky waved you off again.

“That’s not necessary, I had…” He only had a single cup of coffee this morning. “I had something already.”

You nodded in understanding, but felt disappointed that you weren’t going to be able to make him something. Providing him with food made you feel needed— even if it was breakfast here and there.

“Oh okay. I guess I’ll just make something for myself then. I was thinking later I could go shopping for some things, wanted to do some baking!” You announced happily.

Meanwhile, Bucky tensed up. Remembering Pierces words of advice to keep you home as much as possible. The threat to your life still looming over your head.

He’d come up with something— something to distract you from going out. Although, the sensible side of him wanted to tell you the truth. Out of everyone— you deserved to know.

“Uh, (Y/n)?” He started, not sure if he should tell you or not.

You faced him, waiting patiently with a smile.

He felt so guilty all of sudden, keeping something like that from you. But he couldn’t go against Pierce’s wishes. He was your Father— despite being an odd one that is.

“Uh… Maybe we could get to know each other better later?” It was the only thing he could think of in the moment, something that would keep you from going out.

Again, he felt the guilt seeping throughout him when he saw your eyes widen in pure joy.

“Yeah of course! I wou— that would be great!” You rushed out, completely forgetting about baking.

You wanted to unlock all his secrets, not because you wanted to pry— no. It was because he was so mysterious, his presence alone made you want to know more about him. You could also see that he was a good man, and you already trusted him. Why wouldn’t you want to know more? That was the only reason— yeah.

You sent him another smile, one that had the corner of your eyes crinkling— and you headed towards the kitchen. He couldn’t ignore the way you were almost skipping.

Yeah— he felt like shit.

You had made and eaten breakfast, heading towards the library first thing after.

You had previously been reading lots of Thrillers— the suspense always being one of your favorites. The way you could flip the page, on the edge of your seat— anxiously awaiting what was next. There were so many books where the pages seem slightly crumpled, from the many times you were so eager reading— you squeezed the pages from excitement.

Although, things started to shift since a couple days ago. I guess, things started to shift since Bucky became your bodyguard.

It wasn’t an immediate shift— no. It was a slow change, as before— there was no tension in the air. Well, of course because you were by yourself. Now, the air seemed thick— growing thicker as each day passed. But it wasn’t necessarily an uncomfortable tension, rather one the you felt drawn to.

The change had you ditching your suspense filled books— and replacing them with romance instead.

It wasn’t a genre you shied away from. In fact, you had read quite a selection of them— yet none had stuck with you.

Something in the air brought you to the romance section of the library, and you were shocked to find yourself glued to your spot— your eyes searching the rows of books.

Bucky was checking the windows of the house when he heard the sound of faint knocking coming from the front door.

He furrowed his brows, wanting to believe that is was Steve stopping by again. But he couldn’t keep the fearful thought away— that it might be your stalker. The perimeter was guarded, making it impossible for someone unknown to approach the house. But this stalker seemed to of gotten past them already, leaving pictures and notes scattered.

His hands clenched into fists, his shoulder tense. This was another reason why he wanted you to be aware of your stalker— so you could be prepared. He wanted you to know a backup plan, know a place to hide while he took care of them. Right now, you were clueless about the threat towards you. It only caused him to be more stressed, needing to talk with Pierce immediately.

He walked to the door, glancing through the frosted glass— he didn’t see any silhouettes of anyone. Giving one last look, he opened the door and was relived to find the front porch empty.

Although, the relief was short lived. As he looked down near the mat— he found a box. It was white with red ribbon tied around it.

He felt a presence suddenly and glanced up in alert, but relaxed instantly when he saw Steve approaching.

“Hey Buck, you alright?” Steve asked, walking up the front steps.

Bucky ignored Steve’s perfect timing and assumed he had men watching the front door at all times— but if that was the case… then why hadn’t they seen who dropped this off?

“Yeah— just found this.” He pointed to the box, which Steve immediately got triggered by.

“Where did tha— Buck. When did this get here?” Steve asked, grabbing his walkie.

“Just now— I heard a knock and when I opened the door there was no one here. Just this box.” He explained, looking at the box— curious.

“Okay. I’m going to take this and get it off her property— in case it’s a bomb.” Steve told him, which had Bucky widening his eyes in concern.

“Jesus— okay. Be careful.” Bucky huffed, feeling more stressed.

Steve put his walkie away, giving Bucky a nod before grabbing the box carefully, walking it away from the house in a haste.

Bucky ran a hand through his hair, walking back in the house and securing all the locks again. A part of him wanted to know what was in the box— but another part of him was scared to find out what was inside.

His mind was cruel and had him imagining the most vile things, he hoped that whatever was inside— wasn’t what he was thinking.

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callsignseagull · 1 year ago

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all you had to do was stay ✪ part 9

Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin x fem!reader

Summary: Six years ago Jake hit your life like a hurricane. In and out in a matter of weeks. You thought after you get over the disappointment of him leaving without saying a word you’d never think of him again. But then two pink lines change your life forever. Now he’s back and still has no idea that the little girl by your side is his daughter.

Words: 3.9k

Warnings: a little bit of angst, me not knowing how the navy works so just assume it works like that lol, SMUT 18+ [unprotected sex, oral f receiving, a little breeding kink maybe?, dirty talk, praising, cumplay, the whole thing is pretty filthy considering this series has been quite tame so far lol]

A/N: Here’s part nine!! the final part before the epilogue!!!! enjoy

feedback is always appreciated <3

series masterlist || masterlist

You use every opportunity to distract yourself from the fact that Jake is gone and you don’t know when he’ll be back. If he’ll be back. You really try your best not to think too negatively, but you can’t help worrying. You just hope it gets better with time, because you know for a fact that you’re going to be with Jake when he comes back. If he comes back.

You shake your head to get rid of these thoughts. You have to stay positive, if not for you then for Josie. She’s the ray of hope in your dark thoughts. She doesn’t even consider the fact that Jake might not come back. You know it’s because she doesn’t know the severity of this mission and the dangers of his job in general. But it still cheers you up.

Thankfully, your week is packed full with promo for your new book. You’ve got several signings and interviews, and you thank whoever is responsibly because it couldn’t have come at a better time. Josie spends a lot of time at Penny’s while you’re working. Penny is restless as well. With your whirlwind of emotions around Jake’s return you completely missed that Penny rekindled an old romance as well. And now you’re both praying that they’ll get back from their mission unscathed.

You’re in LA for the day, being interviewed and doing a signing in a small bookstore. Just like the days before, you’re thankful for the distraction. But it’s also exhausting. You’re not used to this much human interaction, and as much as you love seeing your little readers’ smiling faces and listening to parents tell you how much they love your books, you feel like your own smile is stuck on your face. Your cheeks are hurting. And it’s draining to pretend to be carefree.

When you finally leave at the end of the day you can’t wait to pick up Josie and go home. You honestly just want to sleep. This was your last commitment for a while and you’re already thinking about just spending a week doing nothing except play with Josie. You need to recharge your batteries.

Back in San Diego, Josie seems equally as excited to see you.

“Thank you so much for looking after her and Muffin,” you give Penny a hug.

“Don’t worry about it.” Penny waves her hand dismissively. “I love spending time with these two. And I know both of us could use the distraction.” She gives you a lopsided smile.

You nod your head. “Yeah I guess so. It’s just hard not knowing anything.”

“They’ll come back.” Penny sounds certain, but you know she’s trying to convince herself as much as she’s trying to reassure you.

You feel yourself tearing up, so you just nod again. “You have fun on your sailing trip okay?” Penny and Amelia decided to go on a spontaneous sailing trip first thing tomorrow morning. You know it’s another distraction for Penny, but you don’t mention it.

“We will! And you get some rest, okay?” She gives you that concerned mom look and you have to roll your eyes.

“I don’t think I have much of a choice.” You laugh. “I’ll probably go to bed right after tucking Josie to sleep.”

Penny laughs, then you call for Josie and head out after saying goodbye to Penny.

Dinner consists of Josie’s favourite take-out, you’re too tired to cook anything and you live for the smile on Josie’s face.

“This is my most favourite!” Josie exclaims and throws the rest of her chicken nugget into her mouth.

You chuckle, “I know, honey.”

“We need to go there again when Daddy comes back.” She says it so matter of fact it makes you smile sadly.

“We will.” You pat her hand gently. “I’m sure he’ll love it just as much.”

“More than me?” She looks at you with wide eyes.

“Now, that’s impossible. He doesn’t love anything more than you.” You run the back of your hand over her cheek and she smiles.

“Not even you?” It makes you stop for a second. You’re pretty certain he was about to tell you he loves you before he left, but maybe he wanted to say something completely unrelated? You’ve been mulling it over for days, and the more time passes the more you doubt that that’s what he wanted to say. But there’s still a small glimmer of hope somewhere inside you.

You don’t exactly know what to say, so you settle on, “Not even me.”

Once you’ve tucked Josie into bed you change into more comfortable clothes and curl up on the sofa. You don’t think you can pay attention to anything on TV but you turn it on anyway, even if it’s just a background noise to your spinning thoughts.

✩̿✪̿✩̿

It’s after Josie’s bedtime when Jake uses the key you gave him for the first time. He could’ve rung the bell, the lights in the living room are still on, but he wanted to surprise you.

Muffin greets him at the door, his tags giving a soft jingling sound not unlike Jake’s dog tags. He smiles.

“Did you look out for our girls? Yeah? Good boy.” He rubs behind Muffin’s ear, then ventures further into the house. He can faintly hear the TV in the living room, so that’s where he goes, the sound of his heavy boots muffled on the carpet.

There you are, curled up on the sofa, asleep. Jake smiles to himself. He missed you so much. He was only gone for a week, possibly the shortest mission he’s ever been on, but he missed you the second he said goodbye.

He doesn’t really want to wake you, if you fell asleep on the couch you probably need the sleep. But he wants to see your eyes, your smile, wants to hear your voice. So he slowly crouches down by your side and gently pushes your hair out of your face before running the back of his hand over your cheek, back and forth until your eyelids start to flutter.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he whispers and then your eyes finally snap open. He watches as they fill with tears and then you throw your arms around his neck and pull him close. It only takes him a millisecond to reciprocate the hug. Holding you tight, he leaves kisses on your temple.

After a while you lean back to look at him and seeing the tears streaming down your face breaks his heart. “What are you crying for?”

“Happy tears,” you assure. “I’m just happy to see your stupid face again.”

He chuckles, “You don’t think my face is stupid.”

You shake your head. “No, I really don’t.”

This makes Jake laugh out loud. He squeezes you a little tighter. “I missed you, too.”

And then you stand there just looking at each other.

He’s home. You still think you’re dreaming as you stare at him standing right in front of you. His green eyes are sparkling in the low light of the living room and you’re filled with such a warmth you can’t put it into words. Or maybe you can. Because it’s love. You love him. You’re about to open your mouth and just blurt the words but Jake is quicker.

“There’s something I promised to tell you when I get back.” He whispers, running his thumb over your cheek.

You nod, “And what’s that?” You don’t dare speak louder than a whisper, afraid to burst the bubble you’re in.

Jake’s eyes roam over your face before they lock on yours again. “I love you.” He says and then new tears are in your eyes.

“I love you, too.”

Jake seems just a little bit surprised at your words, “Yeah?” he sounds hopeful.

“Yeah,” you nod, “so much.”

“C’mere.” And then he finally pulls you into a kiss. You bury your hands in his short hair and pull him as close as you possibly can.

Never before has a kiss made you feel this much. Kissing Jake has always been special, you used to think it was just because of the sexual tension between you two, but it’s more than that. You don’t ever want to kiss someone else ever again.

Somehow you end up straddling him on the sofa, his hands on your hips. You feel him growing hard beneath you and it doesn’t help with curbing your own arousal. As you start grinding your hips against his, Jake moans into your mouth.

“Maybe we should take this to the bedroom,” you say, after pulling away just enough to talk. The tip of your nose is still brushing against his.

“You sure? We don’t have to.” Jake leans back just a little bit more so he can look at you. His thumbs have slipped under the fabric of your t-shirt, rubbing gentle circles on your skin.

“I’m sure,” you nod. “I wanna feel you.” You feel Jake’s hands tighten around your hips before he lets out a breath.

“Okay,” he gives you one more deep kiss before he lifts you up and makes his way over to your bedroom. He gently lays you down on your bed, his hands roaming over your body and you don’t think you’ve ever wanted anybody so bad.

You tried dating a few times since Josie was born, but nothing ever came of it. Did you need someone to scratch that certain itch every once in a while? Yes. And you got that. But it never became more than that.

But this? This didn’t feel like you needed to scratch an itch, to just get it over with and then you can go on with your life. Nothing has even really happened yet and you already know you won’t be able to get enough of him.

Slowly, so slowly, you undress each other. Both of you cherishing every inch of skin exposed. Until you’re bare in front of him, your knees either side of his head while he trails kisses over your inner thighs.

“So pretty,” he murmurs against your skin. “I missed your pretty pussy so much.” He gently runs his thumb over your clit and it sends a jolt of electricity up your spine. “Missed your taste.” And then he leaves a kiss on your clit before licking a stripe up your middle. “So sweet,” he hums before doing it again. All you can do is bury your hands in his hair, arch your back and pull him closer.

It’s like devouring you is Jake’s favourite pastime, he’s got his eyes closed, one of his hands gripping your thigh, the other on your belly to keep your hips steady. And every time you’re about to come, he moves away and peppers kisses on your inner thighs again.

“Jake, please.” You finally whine, tugging on his hair.

“Please, what?” You can hear the smirk in his voice.

“Need you inside me.” You give his hair another tug, and he finally crawls over you, so his head is hovering over yours. You can smell yourself on his lips and it makes even more warmth pool between your thighs.

You can’t really read the expression on his face until he says, “I didn’t bring any protection.” He gently moves your hair out of your face.

“I don’t have anything here either,” you realise. You weren’t expecting to have sex anytime soon. Were you thinking about doing it with Jake? Absolutely. But you didn’t allow yourself to actually consider it until he was home safe. You sigh. “And I’m not on birth control, either,” you admit. “It should be a safe time though …” you trail off. Is it reckless to have unprotected sex when you’ve already had an unplanned pregnancy? Yes, absolutely. Is the thought as scary as it should be? No.

“You mean …?” Jake tilts his head.

“I’m healthy. And if you’re planning on sticking around …”

Jake places a soft kiss on your lips. “I’m sticking around. I’m not gonna leave again, unless you want me to. I might not always be around, but I’ll always come home to you. Always.” The honesty in his voice makes you tear up again. You wind your legs around his hips and feel him heavy against your thigh.

“If you’re okay with it … I’m willing to risk it.” You haven’t even fully uttered the sentence before his lips are on yours again.

“I’m willing to risk it with you any time, sweetheart.”

“I love you,” you say and pull him into another kiss.

“And I love you. So much.”

And then he positions himself at your entrance and slowly pushes in. You throw your head back because it just feels that good. When his hips are flush against yours he pauses for a second, both of you enjoying the feeling of finally being together.

Jake starts moving in and out of you slowly, filling you with leisurely thrusts. And it feels so good. Until you need more.

“More,” you moan.

“Sweetheart, I’m not gonna last.”

“That’s okay.”

“I want you to come first.”

“I’ll come with you.” You move your hands between your bodies and start rubbing your clit. It doesn’t take long for Jake to pick up his thrusts, the tip of his cock rubbing against your g-spot every time.

“Fuck,” he grunts, his movements becoming erratic.

“Come for me Jake,” you whine. “Come inside me, please.”

You feel him starting to twitch inside you. “Oh fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuck.” And then he’s kissing you again, swallowing your moans while bucking his hips into you, his release painting your walls and you’re right there with him. Goosebumps are covering your body and all you can feel is him.

You stay like that for a while, both of you catching your breath, his heavy weight on top of you, but you’re enjoying it. You feel safe, you feel loved.

When Jake pulls out his eyes are fixated on the way your combined come drips out of you.

“So fucking beautiful,” he runs his fingers through your folds, spreading your juices, and starts playing with your clit. A moan bursts out of you.

“You got one more in you”?

“I don’t know, Jake.”

“C’mon, baby. One more.” The nickname is new, but you don’t mind it. It makes your insides flutter.

“Kiss me.” He obliges, his thumb on your clit as he enters you with two of his fingers while kissing you senseless. When he moves his kisses down your neck you can’t contain your moans.

“You gotta be quiet, baby. As much as I’d love to hear you scream for me. Can you do that for me?” You nod and bite your lips together. “Good girl.”

It doesn’t take long until you’re on the edge again and with one more flick of your clit you’re coming again.

“That’s it. That’s it, baby. Just like that. Look at you. So gorgeous.” Jake’s words and his gentle caresses carry you through your orgasm until you’re completely spend and you’re too sensitive. When he notices, he moves his hand away and gives you another kiss. “My sweet girl. So good for me.”

“I love you.” It seems you can’t stop telling him.

His eyes crinkle as he smiles. “I love you.”

✩̿✪̿✩̿

You’re woken up by a trail of kisses being left on your shoulder. You’re still tired but at the same time you feel like you’re filled to the brim with energy. You and Jake didn’t get much sleep last night. Turns out when he said ‘one more’ he was lying. Because there were two more in the shower after that.

You slowly turn around so you can look at him. His hair is messy and the warm sunshine falling through the window makes him look like an angel.

“Hi.” You can’t contain your smile and Jake mirrors your expression.

“Hi,” with the arm he’s got wrapped around you he pulls you closer to him. “Good morning, sweetheart.”

You didn’t think it was possible but your smile becomes even bigger. “Good morning.”

“You look happy.”

“I am.” You admit. “Could get used to waking up like this.” You wind your leg around his hip, and you can feel him against your core even through multiple layers of clothing, it’s enough to make your heart start racing. The look in Jake’s eyes becomes heated.

“Yeah?” His hand moves to your ass and gives it a squeeze. It makes you giggle.

“Mhm.” You nod, shuffling just a little closer to him.

“Well, funny you mention that, actually.” Jake’s hand is running over your back and it takes a moment for his words to register.

“Huh? What do you mean?” You sit up a little, shifting so now Jake’s on his back while you’re partially hovering above him.

“I’ve got this new position that requires me to stay in San Diego long term. And I kind of need a place to stay.” You can only look at him with wide eyes. What? “I don’t have to … I can just … If you don’t want me to, I can look for a place of my own. I didn’t mean to just … invite myself, I guess. I just thought—“

You interrupt him with a kiss. “You’re staying here?”

“Yeah,” he nods and smiles a little sheepishly. “I got a position at Top Gun. Nothing special but with the possibly of becoming an instructor one day.” He shrugs. “I’ll be right here for the foreseeable future. I wanna be close to you and Josie. Even if you don’t want me moving in, which I understand—“

“You want to move in?”

“Of course I do. We’ve already lost so much time, I’ve lost so much time with Josie … I don’t want to lose any more. You’re it for me sweetheart. I’m gonna marry you one day.”

Your mouth drops open at that.

“If you want to.” He smiles. “I want to give you your dream life, with the husband and the white picket fence … two point five kids.“

You pinch him playfully, but then lean in to give him another kiss.

“Sounds like a plan,” you murmur, before kissing him again. Jake pulls you closer and you can feel the smile on his lips. He breaks the kiss and you can tell he’s about to say something when you hear the door being opened slowly.

It’s Saturday morning, and that usually means Josie will come over for some cuddles before breakfast. You turn to the door with a smile.

Josie pokes her head in, her hair messy from sleep and here eyes still halfway closed. That changes when she notices you’re not alone.

“Daddy?”

“Hey, Peanut.” That’s all it takes for Josie to come running towards the bed, climbing on it and tackling Jake in a hug.

“I missed you soooooooo much,” Josie shouts, and Jake laughs.

“I missed you, too. Every second of every day,” he smiles.

✩̿✪̿✩̿

Just like you promised yourself you would, you spent the following week doing nothing except spend time with Josie. Except, you’re not doing it alone but with Jake. He’s got a bit of free time before starting his new position and while he needs to move his stuff down from Lemoore, he claims he doesn’t have much to move, one trip would suffice.

Together, the two of you decided to just take the plunge and have him move in. Why waste any more time? Josie was quite possibly the biggest fan of that idea. Jake will have a shadow 24/7 if she has her way, but you don’t think Jake would have a problem with that.

“You ready?” Jake pokes his head into the bathroom, where you’re finishing your make-up.

“Almost.”

“I love you.”

You turn to Jake with a smile. He’s been saying it every chance he gets, says he needs to make up for the last six years.

“I love you, too, you big goof.”

“Hey!” He playfully pouts, “don’t let the others hear you call me that. I have a reputation to uphold.”

You raise an eyebrow. “And what would you like me to call you instead?”

Jake stalks into the bathroom, pretending to think. He wraps his arms around you from behind, resting his chin on your shoulder. “How about Daddy?” He whispers and you can’t stop the goosebumps from appearing on your arms.

“Why am I not surprised?” You laugh. “Should’ve known you’re into that.”

Jake hums, then says, “Only because you made me one.”

The Hard Deck is not super busy this evening, it’s still early and the middle of the week but Jake wanted to introduce you to the people who made sure he got home safe. Even though he was the one who saved Maverick and Rooster, but Jake won’t be petty. Maybe.

Jake’s almost bursting with excitement as he pulls you by the hand, Josie on his hip. The group’s chatting in the back of the bar but as soon as they spot Jake all conversation stops.

“Is that Bagman or am I hallucinating?” Phoenix stage whispers.

Coyote nods, “I think it’s real.”

Jake rolls his eyes before pulling you into his side. “I wanted you guys to meet my family.” He introduces you, then looks at Josie. “And this is my daughter Josie.”

Josie blushes, then rests her head on his shoulder and waves.

For a moment the rest of the squad just stare. Then Phoenix is the first to speak up again, “Hi, Josie. It’s so nice to meet you.” She gives Jake a look as if she’s never seen him before.

“I guess that explains where you’ve been half the time.” Coyote muses.

“I had some groveling to do,” Jake nods. “And they’re much better company than you guys.”

The whole group breaks out into protest but Jake just shrugs his shoulders.

He turns to you, “You good on your own for a moment? I’ll go get us something to drink.”

“Of course, go ahead.” You smile and for a second Jake just takes you in, then he sets Josie down beside you and gives you a kiss.

“I’ll be right back.”

At the bar, Jake leans against the bar top and watches as you talk to the squad. He didn’t realise it, but while he was starting to rebuild his relationship with you and getting to know Josie, the three of you slowly becoming a family, he also gained another family. He knows he was an asshole when they were first put together as a team, but ultimately, he grew to love these people. Even Rooster.

As if he had conjured him, Rooster shows up next to him. A certain understanding pass between the two men, then Rooster says, “You look good, Hangman.”

Jake huffs a laugh and smiles, “I am good, Rooster. I’m very good. I’m happy.”

~~~

A/N: This is it... the end. For now at least. I wanna write an epilogue so that will be coming but then it's time to say goodbye to these :(( who else is sad about that?

taglist: @annathesillyfriend ✪ @lovebittenbyevans ✪ @heyhihellowhatsup0 ✪ @one-sweet-gubler ✪ @wooya1224 ✪ @iammirrorball ✪ @lolcaca ✪ @caitsymichelle13 ✪ @soulmates8 ✪ @soleilgrec ✪ @lilylilyyyyyy ✪ @winters-queen ✪ @i0veless ✪ @the-romanian-is-bae ✪ @mandyppp ✪ @dempy ✪ @mizuki80 ✪ @averyhotchner ✪ @babyice1274 ✪ @captain-fandomwriter58 ✪ @hangmanscoming ✪ @caidi-paris ✪ @linkpk88 ✪ @djs8891 ✪ @lnmp89 ✪ @startrekfangirl2233 ✪ @gigisimsonmars ✪ @clancycucumber230 ✪ @emilyoflanternhill ✪ @roostersforevergirl ✪ @celestialeviereads ✪ @blackwidownat2814 ✪ @impossiblebagelcowboyfreak ✪ @grxcisxhy-wp ✪ @atarmychick007 ✪ @dakotakazansky ✪ @alana4610 ✪ @memoriesat30 ✪ @entertainmentgal8 ✪ @shanimallina87 ✪ @smoothdogsgirl ✪ @i3k2ts ✪ @frenchtoastix ✪ @twsssmlmaa ✪ @elijahmikaelsonbitch ✪ @simpxmarvel ✪ @harrysgothicbitch ✪ @midwestmarvelbabe ✪ @lunamoonbby ✪ @wkndwlff ✪ @anarchyrising

#jake seresin x reader #hangman x reader #jake seresin x y/n #jake seresin imagine #hangman top gun #top gun fanfiction #top gun maverick #jake seresin smut #hangman smut

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wosoamazing · 9 months ago

Text

Recovery

Summary: Part 2 of Negative Thoughts and Beach Days

Warnings: Eating Disorder (slight talks of being sick but it doesn't happen) - let me know if anything else and I will add

A/N: Sorry this took so long to get out, but I hope you like it and that it was worth the wait. Currently working on a two McFoord x Child!Reader fics and a Leah Williamson x Child!Reader fic and kind of a Sam redemption fic. But if you have any ideas for this series (either Barca, Arsenal or Matildas) or requests in general I will add them to my WIPs.

Lia had come over to cook dinner for you and Leah, it was something that happened quite often, however today the meal was fancier than usual. You just sat in your chair, in front of your plate, you used your fork to move the food around on you plate, taking small bites every now and then. You felt terrible you wanted to eat the food that Lia had taken the time to make, but there was a part of you that didn’t want to eat because of its fear of fatness and getting fat, and against your will this small part of you had started to take over more and more recently, causing you to feel funny when you thought about food, but this time something else was there, the thought of throwing up after you ate, this thought scared you, you had managed to suppress your thoughts and feelings for most of the meal however they finally bubbled over, causing tears to start free falling from your eyes, you felt stupid and pathetic all over again, you jumped up and left, sprinting up the stairs and into Leah’s room, you hide yourself under the covers and curled up, wanting to feel something else, anything else.

The two women that just a second ago were sitting at the table with you were in a mixed state of emotions, your sudden out burst caught them off guard, Leah really didn’t know what to do.

“Do you want me to leave?” Lia asked thinking it would be best.

“I’m sorry Wally,” you sister said to her still in a state of confusion.

“It’s okay Le, I’ll talk to you later, hopefully Bug is okay,” she said as they both started to get up out of their seats.

“Sorry about ending our night early,” you sister said as she hugged Lia, “it’s okay don’t worry, I understand, see you tomorrow, maybe?” your sister nodded before heading upstairs to find you.

Leah followed the sounds of your sobs to her room, she couldn’t see you but the lump under her covers indicated that you were there, she climbed into the bed and pulled your body on top of hers, she didn’t say anything, instead she rocked back and forth slightly whilst holding you tightly. You had gotten yourself so worked up you gaged, before you started coughing, Leah handed you the water on her bedside table, you took some small sips from it, Leah changed your position slightly so that your head rested against her chest. “Take some deep breaths with me bug,” you did as she said, your eye lids started to droop and your head began to get heavy, which Leah noticed “It’s okay bug, I’ve got you, I promise I will stay here, you can go to sleep if you want, we can talk later. Love you,” you didn’t respond, you buried your head into her side and eventually the exhaustion from your sobs caused you to fall asleep. When you body stopped shaking from your sobs and your breath was less rapid Leah sighed out a breath of relief, you had gone to sleep. She picked up her phone to see a message from Lia.

Lia: I hope everything is all okay, I cleaned up, I know you’re going to say I didn’t need to, but I did it just to make things easier, locked the door behind me. Hope bug is okay, message if you need anything.

Leah: Thank you, really you didn’t have to, but I really appreciate it. I don’t know what is wrong with bug, she was crying hard when I found her, eventually she fell asleep, I was worried she almost made herself sick, I think the only saving grace was that she didn’t eat much. I’ll keep you updated, sorry again about our night.

You become aware of your surroundings again slightly later, you were now resting against Leah’s side with her arm around your upper body almost supporting it, her laptop rested on her stomach as she did some work with her free hand.

“I-I’m sorry,” was what you mumbled into her side, alerting her to the fact that you were awake.

“It’s okay bug,” “Do you think Lia is upset that I didn’t eat her dinner? I feel really bad, she took so much time and care to make it and-”

“No bug, Lia didn’t even mention the fact you didn’t eat. She was just really concerned about you and whether you were okay or not.” you hummed in response “What’s wrong though bug? Do you feel okay?”

“um, well, I-” “It’s okay bug take your time, I’m here and I will stay here as long as you need” you knew from that response that Alessia had spoken to her, you didn’t know how much she said to her but she knew something, but you also knew Leah would want to hear everything from you, you wondered how long it had been since Alessia spoke to her, for her not to question you.

“I-I, I started getting conscious of my body a while ago and then these people on social media were being really mean and I know you say not to let it get to you but I did and then somewhere along the way I had obviously decided that not having my period meant that I was skinny enough and then I got my period and this voice in my head started to grow and was telling me I’m fat, and ugly and no one liked me and then I started to believe it so I stopped wearing my normal clothes and then when we went to the beach I couldn’t fit into my bikini and so the voice decided that I was really fat and ever since has not made me want to eat food and I’ve tried to not let it take over but it did and then tonight while I sat there looking at my dinner the other thing in my head was the voice that was telling me that if I ate it I would be fat and so I couldn’t eat and, and, and I’m sorry, it’s stupid and pathetic I know.” you blurted out managing not to cry, however tears started spilling form your eyes again when Leah sat up against the bedhead and pulled you into her lap and just hugged you tightly, resting her head on top of yours, giving you a reassuring presence. After you had calmed down slightly Leah started to talk, but she remained in the same position “I’m here for you bug, always, whenever and whatever you need, I would move mountains for you, I love you so so much, your my little bug. Please, please never feel like you have to hide your emotions, even when you think that they are dumb or pathetic or stupid because I can most definitely reassure you that they aren’t. We’re going to get through this together okay, I’ll help you, the team will help you.”

“I-I’m sorry” you sniffle. “There is nothing to be sorry about bug, this isn’t your fault.” she held you for a little while longer before she turned you around so you were facing her, she put her arms around your back, and looked at you. “I’m going to set up a meeting with Jonas okay, I try and do it for tomorrow morning so you don’t have to stress about it, Lessi did mention to me that she offered to do the meeting with you but I also want to offer to be there in the meeting for you”

“Um, could you do it with me? You can say no, but um, I would really like it if you could-” “Of course bug, I will definitely be there.” You smiled and leant forward to rest your head on her chest, before a yawn escaped your mouth. “Why don’t you go get changed unto your PJs and brush your teeth and I’ll do the same and then you can come back and sleep with me tonight,” you nod into her chest before getting up.

You climbed into the bed and snuggled up beside your sister, “can you tell Lia?” you softly said to her, knowing she knew what you meant.

“Sure bug, I love you heaps, have a good sleep.” she replied to you. You closed your eyes and mumbled “love you,” she placed a kiss on your forehead, and you quickly feel asleep. Once you were definitely asleep, she picked up her phone to message Lia

Leah: Bug is very sorry for not eating your food, the first thing she said was sorry, and asked whether you were upset.

Lia: Bless her, is everything okay with her?

Leah: um well, not really, can we call? Bug is asleep next to me, but she shouldn’t wake up.

Lia: Yeah sure, just give me a second.

You woke up the next morning at 7, slightly later than usual, Leah wasn’t in bed still, but you could hear her downstairs talking to someone else, who you thought was Lia. You made your way down the stairs and into the living room, to find Leah and Lia sitting there.

“Good morning,” your sister said as you walked in,

“Good morning, um Lia, I-I just wanted to say I-I’m sorry for not eating the food y-you made for us last night,”

“It’s okay Y/N/N, can I have a hug though?” she asked softly, you nodded and moved to sit next to her on the couch, she put her arms around you. She then let go of you, you moved so that you could rest your head on her should, she put on of her arms back around your shoulders and the other reached out for Leah’s, before she spoke, “we were thinking, maybe today at some stage I could or Leah and I could talk to the team for you if you want, it’s okay if you want to tell them yourself but we just thought you might prefer if we did it.”

“I think I would like that, thank you”.

You walked into training checking the time on your phone 9:30, your meeting was with Jonas at 10, you didn’t get the chance to train though, as your morning was mostly filled with tears and meetings. After you spoke to Jonas, who was very understanding you had to see the phycologist, dietician, and physios. You arrived in the dining hall a few minutes before lunch, and it had been obvious that Lia and Leah had told the team about what was going on as they all came up to you and gave you a hug as they filtered in.

Jonas had said that they would come talk to you after lunch, he encouraged you to invite a few people to stay with you to hear the plan so that they knew it in detail and could ask any questions they themselves might have. So, you asked Leah and Lia if they could join you and also Steph as she would be with you at Matildas camps but also because you thought she would want to know.

You were sat at one of the lunch tables, Lia and Leah were either side of you, holding a hand each and Steph stood behind you with her hands on your shoulders, as the staff informed you of the plan going forward. You were happy with it, it included some rules about food intake especially for game days but mainly just guidelines that you needed to stick to, you had to speak to the phycologist twice every week and the physios would be doing health checks on you more regularly. They would revise the plan in a month or so.

_____

You were walking out of the tunnel to the pitch for pitch inspections when one of the physios came to your side. “Here,” he said as he handed you an up and go.

“I don’t want to, I feel sick” you replied, trying to give it back to him.

“Well, that’s fine but you know the rules, you don’t drink it you don’t play,” you sighed as you pulled the straw out of its plastic and pierced the foil circle before you start sipping. One of the ‘rules’ in your plan for recovery was that to play you had to eat a sufficient amount of food that day, however you struggled to eat on game days due to nerves so the rule that you to drink some sort of meal substitute during the pitch inspection and finish it to be able to play was made.

“Thank you,” you rolled your eyes and walked over to Kyra.

_____

It was almost the end of mealtime, and you didn’t want to eat anymore, “Leah, I’m just not hungry, why don’t you understand that you aren’t listening to me,” “Just a few more mouthfuls please” “Leah, I told you I’m full.”

“I know you don’t want to bu-” “It’s not that I don’t want it, it’s that I can’t, I’m going to be sick if I eat anymore and that’s worse, realistically I want to eat more so I will be sick but that’s not healthy, so no, no more” you cut her off before your voice broke and you started crying, resting you head in your arms on the table.

“I’m sorry for pushing you too far Bug, I just wanted to help.” Leah rubbed your back, before you sat up and hugged her.

_____

“Tony, where are our up and go’s,” Alanna whined when you were handed one. Most of your Matildas teammates didn’t know, Tony said you didn’t have to tell them and you didn’t want to have the awkward conversation with them, so you didn’t, you weren’t trying to hide it, if they found out they found out.

“She’s just special” Kyra replies mocking you, you stick your tongue out before going over to Steph, who was with Mini.

“Up go, I wan” Harper said.

“I’m not sure if everyone can have one Harper, they might be special ones just for me,” her bottom lip dropped and started to wobble, “well maybe you could take this one as an ‘accident’ and I will have to go ask the staff for another one, I mean if they want me to play they will have to give me one,” you say with a smirk, before handing your up and go over to Harper, Mini’s brows furrowed, she was confused by what you meant. “I’m going to go get another one so I can play. Steph, you can tell her I’ll be back,”

You came back shortly later with another up and go in hand the way Mini looked at you informed her that Steph had told her. “You know you didn’t need to give her it, you should’ve kept it,” Mini instructed you as if you were her child before she pulled you into a one-sided hug, her other arm was occupied holding Harper. “I know, but they were always going to give me another,” you smirk “I mean they can hardly say no, how is that going to go down in the media.” Steph glared at you, “What?” you asked Steph playfully, she just rolled her eyes and sighed.

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