#I just cant w life today | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pupgzut · 1 year

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i don't want to go to school tomorrow

#vox saying stuff #I've been crying for two hours non stops #I just cant w life today #I just wanna rot in my room for a few days #sincerely thinking aboht skipping school #nothings feel real

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obsob · 6 months

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one thing u can count on me for is being normal about Some Guy

process under cut where u can see me losing my mind trying 2 figure out what i was doing in real time! :3

#mine #cats #original #i started colouring this last night and could NOT . get my brain to work #i like knew the vibes but i couldnt translate that into an actual physical colour palette AOAUGH #but i did kind of pop off w this one ngl. anyway #ive been listening to you cant do that podcast very good very funny hockey girls !!#i do need to listen to a boring white man podcast though so i can get . information . and not just who has been the most cunty nhl player #what else happened today. my tamagotchi evolved ! i love them so much #and i completed sm more crochet blanket! maybe i should post pictures of that bc its going to take years off my life i might as well get #sm clout for it

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hinamie · 2 months

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binding vow

#my art #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #megumi fushiguro #fushiguro megumi #megumi #fanart #jjk fanart #done....collapses #up until 3am last night n sitting fr another 8 hours today to finish....#g o d #the things i do fr him.....#let it no longer b said that i only do elaborate paintings rife with symbolism tht feature gojo. megu my one true muse #as is Correct and Just #real talk tho i was just sketching th things i wanted to include without giving much thought to the Themes #w the exception being the spider lilies lmao I Know What Those Mean #but i ended up with a REALLY good life/death/marriage/loyalty thing going on????#w the lotus/spider lily being purity+rebirth/death #((not 2 mention 'far from the one he loves' like HELLO?????))#also w the temari balls being associated w femininity but having him dressed in groom's attire #like???? 90% unplanned but i ended up both cooking And eating #also happy 2 report that betta fish were kinder 2 me than the koi were :) no trouble from these lil guys #in fact everything abt this piece kind of came easily beyond the initial colour swatch??#thank u fr being an easy subject megu ilysm im sorry abt all the death imagery i dont mean it pls focus instead on th Life imagery :((((#i put a ring on it so u gotta wake up.....cant leave yuuji @ th altar ....#SPEAKING OF THE RING IK ITS ON THE RIGHT HAND we've been over this and its Okay #if i read a single comment .........#sorry 2 that one person who was like 'the next binding vow better be at itfs' wedding' ik this probably wasnt what u meant #but it did inspire me smile :)#anyway i need 2 stop looking at this its been over 24 hours

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bunnihearted · 5 months

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i thinkk that a huge part of why im so deeply unhappy is bc im a girl who is supposed to and needs to have a girl bestie - my other half. ever since i was a kid i've always had a girl friend who was my other half and who i talked to and hung out with every single day. now when i dont have that, and when it's also been 6 years since my last friendship like that, i feel profoundly lost and alone. i need another woman close to me who i love and can anchor myself in. who is my compass, my stars, my solid ground. lacking the love, support, comfort, loyalty and security of a strong and forceful love and friendship with another woman, i feel incomplete and lonely and unhappy. like something fundamentally important to the essence of my being is missing. and it completely messes with me on every level of my life.

#u can blab on abt 'u need to feel complete withing urself' blah blah fkn blah #idc and i think you're wrong bc every person is different #we and our brains work in different way #ways*#regardless if you wanna sit there and say uhhh this is wrong! this is bad! this is unhealthy!#yeah blah blah it doesnt matter what you say or think. things just are the wY they are #and i dont give a single flying fuck if i 'should' learn how to cope blab blahhhhh #i WANT and NEED a female friend like this in my life #and as long as i dont have one i am incomplete. even if some ppl wanna whine abt how toxic that is #i am not complete by myself and can only be completed with a woman who im bffs with #it's like somewhere between besties and lovers. bc even if theres some sort of homoerotic energy #i dont want nor need it to be romantical love bc thats not strong enough and idk #idk i cant explain but it's just that very highly specific friendship women can have w eo #im made for that. i need that.#i've been thinking abt my past life and friends a lot lately #and i just realized this today #there has been gaps before but most of my life i've had a close girl bestie like this #last time was 6yrs ago after high school #and since then it's been so bad. im deeply unhappy without that bond in my life

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pinkmoondoll9shihtzu · 9 months

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#i cant do it anymore i kno i need to stop talking to her for a while #and its making me miserable bcus ive tried so hard for years #but u just cant change someone like that they have to want it #no one else in my life treats me like an emotional dumping ground #n plays psychological games w me to make me feel guilty like im never doing enough #every1 else i love just accepts me #i kinda snapped today which is not good but idk #im ready to remove my own chains a la the devil card #ill be ok

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skunkg1rll · 5 months

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#ughhh someone pointed out the atrocity in my face. i hate thatfeature of me so bad #and now i cant stop thinking about it and i hate myself and my face and i got bad feelings #because throughout my entire life i've been so bullied for it #i feel so ugly ugh!!!!!! i am ugly i wanna cry who could ever love me when i look like this skksksks #the worst abt having a face deformity is that it is on your FACE!!!!! i cant hide it #it's out there for everyone to see #and i cant remove it. i can get plastic surgery etc but i cant afford that at all now. maybe when i have a job :(((#and it really is so big in my brain. i notice it constantly #i cant look at other ppl without checking their chins to see if it's smooth or not #and most ppl have normal chins. pretty much everyone has a normal chin!!!!#i wish i was normal too. i hate looking like this i hate it so bad #it is so unfair that i gotta be stuck w this ugly fkn feature but everyone else gets to look normal #so unfair so unfair it makes me so angry #why did i get the worst genes ever i cant stand having to live my life being this grotesquely ugly #anyway.... i try to suppress it nd not think abt it but earlier today someone made a comment abt it #nd now i just wnna cry because it is soooooooo ugly and i hate it #besides yeah it made me rmbr my school years bc ppl were sofkn mean to me abt it #like im sorry i know im ugly wtf do u want me to do?!?!

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angelstrawbabie420 · 2 days

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grief will have you saying shit like goddamn and fuck maybe the abuse was worth it

#ive made this post before i just cant find it and it’s all im feeling rn #god i miss my parents so fucking much even though they were the cause of SO MANY of my problems that idk if i’ll ever heal from #but navigating life w this grief and without their support- however little it was- feels like hell #but the abuse felt like hell too.#ive said it before but i was JUST getting to a place where i felt i could stand up for myself and knock down thwir shit a few pegs. or at #least become more resistant to it #i saw a future with them in it for the first time in my LIFE #and it was bc i’d done SO MUCH FUCKING WORK. and now i feel like it was all so fucking useless #it’d be easier if i was still in the phase of anger i was at like 19 #but i’d processed that quite a bit and was trying to move on #FUCK. i had made SO much goddamn progress right before my mom got sick #then everything went down the toilet cus i cannot fucking have anything #it’s so unfair. i wish i could at least redo the last 3 years of my life #i would’ve done things so much different but i was so traumatized and still so angry and bitter and trying to preserve myself #ive come to the realization tjat the person i am today did not exist back then and therefore i shouldnt beat myself up bc it literally wasnt #available to me. i couldnt have done anythimg different bc i was in such a state of survival #and truthfully ive grown a lot since then even if im still in the trenches #the timeline of my entire life has been so fucking unfair #and i dont know how to reconcile any of it i dont know how to cope with my worst fears coming true #and i mean worst fears. even the way they passed. spot on to my worst fears #i despised what they did to me but i still didnt see life without them until i was at least 30 #it was all so sudden and quick and shocking #yeah they were horrible parents but i was a horrible kid too. maybe i straight up just deserved that shit #and i’d go back to that and seeing a future with them in an instant #over this bullshit #it’s so hard. and then losing all my pets too at the SAME TIME. all my babies #everything that i loved ripped away from me in the span of MONTHS #it’s all too much. l oh fucking l. no wonder im 3 shots deep at fucking 3 pm #it just hurts so bad. so fucking bad.

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supurman · 19 days

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this is here i rp if you guys were wondering.

#ugh... the hair clark agenda is rela. chest. forearms..beard ( but he shaves the beard #idk why ppl think hes hairless. it takes a laser and a piece of kryptonian metal to shave #he is not doing a full body down!#anyway this is him writing his third book i believe. look at all the paper on the ground! his robot bringing him more #hes like only i can be inspire din my fortress of solitude i cant write in the city its too noisey #i do love the idea of clark being someone who loves ppl and his city but even HE needs a place to fall back to to be alien BY HIMSELF #sometimes..he needs a break. we all need one. home away from home.#i also love his hobbies! whichi been gathering to write a meta on #because there is more to him . he doesn get up to just be superman! he has interest and has fun by himself too.#he is a fictional writer when he snot doing reporter stuff in case youw ere wondering #he makes fictional stories based on his experiences in life. in this book (hes writing it ) he made a self insert of himself who was..coole #like clar.k k.ent if he was cool. like james bond. HE LOOKED LIKE CLARK but instead of dorky glasses it was cool aviators and he was a bada #dont you think its silly he made a self insert. clarks adorable. imagine if ur muse reads his book like hmm this mc sounds familiar but not #familiar enough to be clark.#do yall think he is a fic writer on ao3? hes too classy for that he has a professional writign career but imagine.#anyway hi yall <3 hope to get to more new ppl w writing today im sorry if you feel ignored im TRYING SO HARD.

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pink-vulpix · 1 month

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#day 4 on bupropion #i need to vent. bc today was mostly decent. cause at least i could control my emotions and not cry at every little thing #but ended just as badly as i was feeling yesterday. i feel rly sad rn #when im productive i feel great but when im trying to relax? i feel like i need to find something productive to do immediately.#its like i need to do everything but i have no desire to do anything #im like. lying in bed at 2 am grieving my hyperfixations hard. been crying for the past 3 hours #bc i just cant sit down and enjoy anything without feeling like im forcing myself. and i already miss feeling things when i play video game #idk if i can do the 4-6 weeks of this before side effects normalize. everyone says it gets better #and even that is making me feel guilty bc it took me this long to get help and i already want to quit on my first week #i have an appointment with my dr on friday but fuck. the last 3 nights have felt like weeks. its so hard falling asleep.#it really doesn't help that this med is making me. stupid. i have about 10 seconds worth of memory before the thought is deleted #literally forgetting what i'm talking about midway through a sentence #but hey. at least my memory is so bad i cant remember what i did today and overthink every action. i guess.#and maybe tmi. but my libido is gone... like completely nonexistent now #some people literally take this shit to help w a low libido!!! but for me it is doing the exact opposite!!! what is wrong with my body #and to top it off i can't drink even a half cup of coffee without panic attacks. i miss iced coffee already :(#cant enjoy shit anymore and my adhd feels 10 times worse than it did before bc i can't sit still to save my life.#anyway im yapping so much but i need to because im feeling so alone #some side affects im getting r common and manageable but some are pretty uncommon and its hard finding anyone who relates...

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hella1975 · 10 months

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i have such a reputation that four separate people incorporated pringles into my birthday gifts. be that girl

#to the point my one mate today (the one i almost ditched in that seminar LMAO) ((WAIT I NEED TO TELL YOUSE ABOUT HIM))#anyway! he was like 'oh i actually got you something!' which given our dynamic despite RECENT DEVELOPMENTS AHEM #is so unusual like he was NOT required to get me a gift. but then i immediately was like 'it's pringles isn't it'#and he was just like 'sigh. yeah' LMFAOOOOO #and you know what? chuffed to utter bits. ive already eaten half of them in 24 hours. scranning even more as i type this #anyway back to that guy. so you know i sometimes mention my flatmate from first year who also happens to be on my course #so off the bat we've got a weird friendship bc he's not just a coursemate bc i also lived with him #but also first year halls were assigned not chosen so it's not like we were actually FRIENDS #especially bc my flat did NOTTT get on lmfao so me and him were mainly just. acquaintances who lived and studied together?#very strange foundation to have with someone. but we went all of second year barely staying in contact #and then this year we live in the same area and for the LIFE of me i cant remember how we got back in contact #but all of a sudden we were messaging every day and meeting up before lectures and sitting together in them and stuyding together etc #and we get on REALLY well like he has my exact sense of humour i know ive posted about him several times #over the past three years being like 'me and this guy are the funniest people i know' 'he would do bits on tumblr' etc #AND THE OTHER WEEK HE ADMITTED THAT HE LIKES ME AND WE WENT ON A DATE #AND IT WENT REALLY WELL BUT I CANNOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME FIGURE OUT HOW I FEEL ABOUT HIM #SO IM TRYING NOT TO PUT PRESSURE ON ANYTHING and i was super clear w him also that im not actively searching for anything #so if smthn happens organically then it happens but if not it's my final year and that will always take priority and he was super chill #so i dont feel like i HAVE to make a decision just yet but we're going out again tomorrow #and it's like. even if it doesnt become smthn romantic i just really click with him?? like we get on so well??? IT'S SO FUN #AND THAT'S WHAT MATTERS! WOOHOO! pringles post derailed by a MAN. awful #hella goes to uni

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toastsnaffler · 2 months

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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍

#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around #pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable #my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters #no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time #gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt #but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years #and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again #but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and #others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard #it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl #bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either #and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for #but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own #bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me #but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form #and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind #and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will #and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing #and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense #its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out #and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up #and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain #its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit #and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after #or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life #i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever #and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it #and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel #thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable

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nerosdayinanime · 1 year

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jjk & kny self inserts - icarus is all the way back from feb last year (i made him & aether but then giyuu consumed my soul and i havent touched them Since...) and i just made kuro today