#I hope this is not the case with the people I've talked to for a long time and feel I know
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I FW WITH THIS HEAVYYYYY OP!! I do have my own theories as well that I wanted to add onto this since I agree with yours, so I hope you don't mind!! :3 A lot of this stuff you said but I'm also adding more detail from the new update!!
HEAVY HEAVY SPOILERS!!
For starters, I agree HEAVILY with the idea of reincarnation being a theme in this game!! The creators tumblr has a few posts where Sol talks about his soulmate, and while that isn't a definite need for a series to be a reincarnation series, I've always thought about soulmates being someone you'll meet in EVERY life after you're reincarnated! Also, I feel like Sol remembers his past life, I didn't know about the post where Amnesia was mentioned, but I feel like it def fits into Sol remembering his past life! So I think Sol, MC, AND Crowe were all reincarnated!
Sol, being the executioner, as you said! One, they kinda LOOK familiar, when I saw the executioner I instantly said Sol LMAO! Two the whole bruise on his neck thing you mentioned! Three, in the bad end Sol uses an axe to kill Crowe, axe's are KINDA similar to guillotines, you aren't gonna stab someone with an axe like you would a knife, you use an axe to chop like a guillotine! Also I'm like 95% certain I've seen something from a game or movie where the use an axe shaped blade instead of the typical guillotine blade! Fourth!! I know Sol isn't the ONLY one who kills, but he's a yandere, he EXECUTES his rivals!! The executioner drawing is also seen with an axe(what Sol used to kill Crowe with) and a collar on and Sol ALSO wears a collar!! It also says that the executioners arms are littered with scars and so are Sol's!
I actually see MC being either a commoner, peasant, OR and most likely, a farmer! I think something from Sol, MC's, and Crowe's past life carried on with them until this life!! And I think MC has always been a farmer, like how they are now! Another reason is when you study with Crowe, in Crowe's question, he talks about the queen befriending a commoner(I believe Crowe is supposed to be the "queen"), I very much feel like the whole scenario Crowe brought up is SO much like Crowe's relationship with the MC! The MC being sus of Crowe for being so nice to them in the beginning of their friendship, much like how you can choose to say you'd be wary of the queen for being nice to you if you were a commoner, Crowe being extremely kind and helpful to the MC even though he really has NO reason to, and he even LOOKS like royalty(he's so pretty omfg) and has been stated to be wealthy! During your first outing with Crowe(when he takes you sightseeing!) he asks if you believe in god, if you say no the MC starts to talk about how they would get upset that their father and theirs hard work would get downplayed and seen as a miracle of god, later in the study session, Crowe uses the same scenario for the what happened between the farmer and the queen, the queen using the farmers hard working labor to throw parties.
And finally, Crowe being royalty! OKAY!! So I've already said he looks princely and is wealthy(which as you said Sol hates the rich)! Two in the study scenario with Crowe he talks about how everyone started turning against the queen because of rumors(I already think about how he doesn't get along with his family so they COULD be included with the people who turned against Crowe! Much like how there were other nobles talking bad about the queen!), I think that Crowe has SOME kind of recollection about his past of being the queen, def not to the extent that Sol has but at least SOME!! I think this because of Crowe's friends, Crowe's friend group consists of people who are "poor"(not necessarily meaning poverty in this case, but poor in terms of hard lives and scenarios being thrown at them) and Crowe is helping them and accepting them even though he once again, does not need to. He welcomes them into him life and under his wing. I also have a feeling that something is going to happen where a rumor comes up about Crowe that you can choose to leave him for, and I also wonder if his friends will leave them, they seem really loyal to him though, but in the comments on Crowe's profile the creator says that Crowe's route is a rollercoaster of emotions, and it would literally break my heart to see all/most of Crowe's friends leave him because of a rumor. I'm not too sure of this since not EVERYONE left the queen behind so they could stick by Crowes side, which is also just another reason I think MC was a farmer in their past life too since the people against the queen were seen holding pitchfork/rake. FINALLY!! I think Crowe is the queen because in the bad end, it states that Crowe's head is barely hanging on, number one guillotines cut off heads(furthering pushing Sol to be seen as the executioner!) but also royalty can ALSO be guillotined(such as Marie Antoinette!) so i think it shows that the queen was guillotined and Sol was trying to replicate that with Crowe! Also Crowe literally CRIES if you say you'll be friends with the queen and stay by her side(which i think would be even more heartbreaking for Crowe if you DID end up leaving him!)
Although I can still see Crowe and MC being switched, with MC being a royal in their past life and Crowe coming from nothing! Maybe MC being a farmer in debt was punishment for NOT helping the poor townsfolk! And Crowe also states that if the queen was nice to him, he'd be sussed out as well, maybe showing that HE WAS the commoner(if the queen was giving the commoner gifts, then maybe that's why Crowe ended up wealthy in this life!) If you choose to see the queen as a friend, Crowe says that's very noble of the MC, as expected of them, and then does not further his explanation!
Also just as a one off comment, Sol clearly likes your neck with how often he buries his face in it, but Crowe ALSO buries his face into the crook of your neck at the end of day two!!
cw TKaTB spoilers, theory, mention of guillotine, amnesia memories spoilers
TKATB and its characters belong to @fantasia-kitt !!
TKATB IS RATED +18. MINORS DONT INTERACT
Was about to post a theory about how sol could have been reincarnated to meet pumpkin again in a different timeline bc they werent allowed to be together in their own timeline, the bruise on his neck being an indication of being guillotined AND him giving purple tullips (sign of royalty and elegance) to pumpkin on valentine's, feeling insecure about his lunch (saying it isnt "extravagant" enough for pumpkin) and somehow using pardon me instead of excuse me (he doesnt usually use this type of elegant language i think. could be just me) kinda seems like we were royalty before? I mean, crowe mentioning marie antoinette and the game giving us many options for the question seems sussy to me. Why does MY opinion on the queen matter this much to both crowe and sol since their love meters go crazy with the answers? speaking of historical figures, i cant be the only one thinking sol WAS the "executioner". maybe that could be it. he was "the executioner" and we were a part of the royalty: swimming in money, expensive alcohol and the sweat of the peasants; and sol being one of them. Maybe we didnt even know who he was but him being a delusional yandere, he thought we were inseperable lovers. maybe that was why he was drawing someone in peasant clothes. He was just drawing his past life, could be the day he first saw us or the day he lost us. anything to support my theory? what inspired the game, ofc :D i was stalking fantasia's socials when i saw the game was was inspired by 3 gamea, one being Amnesia Memories (IM A HUGE FAN OF THAT SHIT). if you didnt know, amnesia memories is about a girl waking up with lost memories, trying to remember things. but bc it is an otome, she has a partner in every world she wakes up in. so if she fails to recollect her memories, she ends up in a different universe with a different partner. the relevance between tkatb and amnesia? in amnesia the final LI can also switch between different universes. he loses the mc in a fire and cant live without her. So a god helps him go to a different universe to be with her again. But everytime he goes to a universe, the world either kills the mc or him somehow. Following with pumpkin being royalty and sol not being able to live with us, what if after our death; he went to a different universe where we are classmates (equal parties!!) and now the entire purpose of his existence being, well, being with us forever?
But yknow. I decided not to post it since pretty much everyone already thinks this way! its probably what fantasia WANTS us to think to bamboozle us in the end, right? :3
P.S. not to mention his hatred for the rich. the rich and their stupid rules were the things that stopped him from being with us! but what if hyugo ALSO has switched universes along with him for his own reasons? Could this be the deal between the two, and the reason why hyugo wont allow sol to just die like that?
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the one thing I am full-bore conspiracy theorist about?
daily contact lenses
or, well, not their existence, period. they're a valid health option that is best for some people, medically. but the sheer aggressiveness with which they're being pushed nowadays
the last few times I went to the eye doctor for my annual check-up, she was HEAVILY on my case to switch to dailies. like, to the point of arrogance and condescension when I said I preferred to stick with monthlies (I've worn contacts since I was 12, for reference). I also posted about it on a forum and got massive negativity in response, as well as being talked down to by someone claiming to be an optometrist himself
now if this were like...anti-vaxxer sentiment I'd understand that reaction. but from what I've heard, while monthlies do carry a higher risk of eye infections and such, they're not medically unsound or unsafe across the board. I'm willing to accept that risk, and since science has not found that they're terrible and should immediately be discontinued, I feel like my wishes should be respected and not belittled
point two: plastic waste. they say it's somehow less than using monthlies, but frankly I just don't see how that's possible. 365 of those little eye chips- times two! -and their packaging, add up to less than a case and a bottle of solution every few months, plus 24 contacts and their packaging? it doesn't make sense to me, and it doesn't help that I mostly see contact lens websites repeating this "fact." of course all contacts produce plastic waste, and I'd be perfectly willing to accept this as one of those You Have To Consume; You Just Decide What Areas Of Your Life Are Optimal For Minimization of Waste And What Aren't things, if dailies weren't being pushed so hard
(also I found two studies showing that monthly-replacement soft lenses produce less plastic waste than daily disposables. which, like. yes, this should be obvious, but here we are. granted, that's only two, and both studies emphasize that dailies and their accoutrements can be recycled, but see below)
some big companies have "contact recycling programs" but like. who's to say that's not greenwashing? where's the oversight? where are the investigations into what these programs actually DO? god knows we've been there before with recycling and corporations trying to pull the nylon-poly-blend Vegan Wool(TM) over our eyes
they're also more expensive than monthlies, which like. does not lend a positive slant to optometrists pushing them so stridently
on top of that, I and some other monthly users have noted that our contacts aren't lasting as long as they used to. for me, it was 17-18 years of smooth sailing with barely any problems, and as of like a year ago my contacts barely last two weeks without clouding up, ripping, chipping at the edges, causing my vision to blur, becoming uncomfortable...my brand did change around that time, so I hope it's just that, and the sample size of other monthly users I've pooled is VERY small. but it sure seems interesting that they suddenly started pushing a product that doesn't last long enough for people to notice low quality, around the time that at least some users of the longer-lasting version start having problems
you're pooh-poohing all of my concerns- which are indeed backed up by science, it seems! -with a "fix" that relies on big companies being honest about recycling, to push me from a non-ideal but still medically sound option to another that makes you more money?
I'm normally a pretty grounded person but I'm full-on tinfoil hat about this one
#contact lenses#conspiracy theories#I mean is 'corporations will screw you over for more money' really a conspiracy theory at this point?
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Sims In Bloom: Generation 2 Pt. 88 (Bringing Home a Ghost)
After Ghost Night ended at the Salty Paw, Heather, Conrad, and their new friend Felix Psyded left Fisherman's Wharf and returned to their home on Sable Square. Heather entered first, finding Hazel on the sofa watching TV. "Hey, how were the kids tonight?"
"They were great! Ashy said you guys usually read him two bedtime stories but he fell asleep after the first one, and Lava hasn't woken up since I put her to bed. I got to watch Moonlight Massacre after all! How was your night?"
"It was nice! We went looking for a man we didn't find, but we met someone else while we were there..."
Conrad walked inside the front door as Felix floated in behind them. Heather stood, as Hazel looked up from her phone in quiet awe. "Felix Psyded, Esquire. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, miss."
"Hazel Moody-Nesbitt," she replied. "Heather's cooler younger sister. You're, like, really a ghost!"
"Since 1915." He warmly tipped his bowler hat. "May I say, you're stunning like your sister."
"You may say! But I'm married."
"Of course the lovely Nesbitt women would all be spoken for. Though I hope your husband is friendlier than Sargent Gordon."
Hazel laughed. "My wife is sweet, but Conrad's great! Are you the one guy in the world he doesn't get along with?"
Heather sighed, sliding over to make room for Conrad on the sofa. "They got off on the wrong foot."
"Well, why'd you bring him home? I know you love strays, but I didn't think that meant people who've been dead for over a century!"
"They've promised me a plate of ambrosia in exchange for my services."
Hazel gaped. "When you guys said you were doing this challenge I just thought it was, like, a team building exercise. I didn't think you were really going to resurrect anybody!"
Heather shrugged. "Well, why shouldn't we? We went through all that to learn how to do it, so we might as well help someone with unfinished business while were at it."
"So is that it, then? No one dies, they just get to live again with ambrosia?"
"Not everyone's unfinished business is to live again. Some die so old, with bodies so used and broken, living again isn't worth it. Even some of the younger ones. Everyone is different and fascinating in their own way, which is why I took to studying ghosts and their stories in the first place."
"He's going to help us figure out if Conrad met a ghost out on Deadgrass Isle."
Hazel grinned as Conrad stood to shoo one of their chickens back outside. "You're fighting crime by day and paranormal activity by night? Holly was right, Conrad. You're basically a superhero."
He blushed, and Felix turned a dour look in his direction. Ending the tense conversation in the living room, Hazel left to return home.
Heather and Conrad left Felix on the sofa and headed to bed. But before they'd changed into pajamas, she blurted her question with concern. "What's going on with you? I've never seen you snappier with anyone than you were tonight with Felix. Like I brought home two ghosts tonight instead of one."
"He was kind of acting like a dick."
Heather nodded. "And you met him there. That's not like you. Is it George Brindleton again?"
"No, George has been quiet. He and his wife spend a lot of the winter in Sulani every year." He could see Heather found this insufficient and kept talking. "I'm just dealing with a lot. I know I wasn't really myself tonight. There's this one case I can't crack and it's making me a little crazy."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"I do, but I can't say much about it."
"I know. Confidential. But I want to give you whatever you need to be able to keep your work life at work, and not take the stress home. Not even for me and the kids, because you're so good to us. That's not the issue. I'm worried about you, and I want you to talk to me. The night we got engaged, you promised you would always tell me how you're feeling."
Joining her on the bed, he held her hand against his chest. "When I've finally solved the case, I'll tell you everything. I promise."
She grinned. "Not every gory detail, I hope."
"Do I ever? I don't want to think about the case tonight. I don't want to think about the ghost in our living room. All I want to focus on the rest of the night is you."
They made love before Heather fell asleep in Conrad's arms, (at least temporarily) satisfied by their conversation. ->
<- Previous Chapter | Gen 2 Start | Gen 1 Summary | Gen 1 Start
NOTE: I debated whether or not to bring Felix Psyded and his lore into this generation because there's a university generation much, much later in this challenge, but Felix was the first ghost that showed up to Ghost Night, sat right next to them and was immediately enamoured with Heather. So my mind spun with a bunch of possibilities for him and I went for it, even though he's mentioned in urban legends for UBrite students and those obviously won't be canon to my timeline anymore.
The In Bloom challenge doesn't have anything related to Felix in the challenge rules, even in the university generation, and Reaper Rewards didn't even require use of the ambrosia Heather made. But I wasn't going to do all that and not fully finish what they started. They're not really the type to lure sims into a cowplant just to test whether ambrosia works, no one in my save needed to die and be brought back, and I have a plan now for Felix! @pixeldistractions mentioned a possible prequel flashback and I'll never say never, but setting up an early-20th Century photo save will take a while if I do it, so no promises. I am invested in him getting a happy ending to his second life, however!
#sims 4#sims 4 gameplay#sims 4 screenshots#sims 4 legacy#sims in bloom#ts4#ts4 gameplay#ts4 legacy#ts4 screenshots#sims 4 story#ts4 story#legacy challenge#sims legacy#ts4 legacy challenge#gen 2#brindleton bay#felix psyded
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viktor, a messiah inverted.
arcane season 2 spoilers throughout.
I have a plethora of thoughts on Viktor's strictly season 2, act 1 arc so far and I'd like to get them down in writing before act 2 drops. without a clue about how this evolves in future acts, I'd like to unpack the ways in which arcane has painted Viktor not as a simple Christ-figure, but an inverted messianic figure in just 2 tight episodes.
important note: i'm speaking strictly in terms of literary/film analysis. as you'll see, i'm taking an archetypal angle and won't be evoking any true discussions of faith in this post. i would never want to offend anyone of any religious beliefs, and i hope the secondary source i bring in helps clarify my meaning <3
Lit scholar and professor Robert Detweiler, writing in a very old (1964) but useful article about Christ figures in American literature, defines 3 manifestations of such symbolism: the disguised biblical christ; the christ figure as "mythological archetype;" and the christ figure as a symbol. i'll be using the second definition, the archetype, which he defines as the following:
“He can be the redeemer on the supernatural level who mediates between God and man or the culture-bringer on the natural level who introduces people to a better life " (115).
*In general, when I'm talking about a Christ figure (which I'll then invert in Viktor's case), I mean a fictionalized account of Christ's experiences and teachings, in whatever way they can manifest in the corresponding literature/story.
Arcane is very heavy on archetypes, and this version of a Christ figure is the most divorced from any distinctly biblical iterations that would hinder an analysis like this one. This definition then invokes 2 main questions: who is the God, or the transcendent, in Arcane, and what is the "better life?" I argue the following: the transcendent would refer to the arcane itself, as it's the only larger than life force we have to work with at this point in the series; the "better life" is the healing Viktor is offering shimmer addicts. Culture-bringer makes Viktor into a bestower of the knowledge the he was "granted" from above (time away from Zaun, time spent enduring the Hexcore). His "descent" to the undercity represents a "mission" of spreading that knowledge and healing. All that, combined with a stunningly on the nose visual rework, he's got the full Jesus-Christ-Allegory package.
But I just don't think it's so black and white!
They've altered an otherwise one-for-one replication of traditional, overdone Christ, messianic allegories into an eerie perversion. I've broken that down into 6 main points...
An Unwilling Resurrection
As Viktor states very obliquely to Jayce, "I was supposed to die." 1x09 all but closes with Viktor telling Jayce to allow him to die by promising to destroy the Hexcore. With his time running out, Viktor resigns himself to his own death; he would even have something of a legacy, as pointed out by Heimerdinger.
But Jayce wrenches him back to life. Whereas a typical Christ figure, in Detweiler's view especially, would have this resurrection spring from a transcendent divine will, Viktor is fighting against said will. He rebukes the life that's been re-thrust upon him. So, while it may be a Christ-like resurrection on the surface, it's far from it in intent and impact.
A Concealed Crucifixion
Viktor's physical positioning is very similar to that of a figure nailed to a cross, sans the fully outstretched arms, in this full-body shot. Yet, whereas a Christ's figure's demise would most likely be displayed as a testament of that character's sacrifice, Jayce has concealed Viktor. He lets only his most trusted confidant, Mel, witness Viktor. Maybe Cait has seen him, too, based on her conversation with Jayce, but in general he's not been seen by a large audience.
The Empty Tomb
Christ's departure from the tomb after 3 days is crucial tenet of Christian belief -- Viktor leaving his cocoon/tomb is not joyous, nor is it a sign of transcendent prophecy. If the arcane is the transcendent in this case, Heimerdinger's frequent warnings about its potential for destruction do not promise anything good by its manifestation walking among the common people - a marked difference from a traditional Christ figure. The empty cavern he leaves is but an eerie revision of the stone being moved from the tomb's opening.
Blind Leading the Blind
Viktor is not on a divine-inspired mission; he's being manipulated to some degree by an entity that has invaded his psyche, taking the form of Sky. He's not piloting himself, nor is there a benevolent transcendent being guiding him toward spreading good will. Viktor is blind, not a teacher, and he leads the blind, the shimmer addicts, further into a darkness over which he has no control (yet! I'm confident he'll be regaining agency soon). Even his eyes, now without their old amber hue, point to the fact that he's not seeing nor living clearly right now.
Cultists. Not Disciples.
The blind in question are not called to love and learn from Viktor organically. Whether by implication or a plot device to expounded upon later, Viktor very frighteningly draws the shimmer addict (Huck) toward him and forces his power unto him. As far as we can tell now, the result was nothing bad, but the Sump addicts have bent their knees to him out of desperate fear, not benevolence or worship. The mercy he's extended them is inspired by the malevolent arcane, which seems hungry and commanding.
Enslavement to, Not Embodiment of, the Transcendent
While Viktor has consumed (or been consumed by?) the arcane, he still does not embody it. Despite aligning with Detweiler's "culture-bringer," Viktor can only maintain this for so long. His body is weakened by this episodic healing - he collapses after healing Huck the first time. And in the newly released poster, we can see what appears to be brown rust/rot beginning to corrupt his hand.
If Viktor truly embodied the transcendent, the arcane, it would mesh properly with his person. Instead, he's been enslaved to it. The degree to which it's currently affecting him may be up for debate, but all signs point to Viktor not being totally with us just yet.
In sum, Viktor has the superficial workings of a typical messianic symbol, but beneath the surface, the writers have made not an anti-Christ, but an upside-down version. If Viktor had malicious intent and spread what was outwardly harmful, especially inspiring that in others, then a new term may be necessary. But the tragedy involved in his story so far is that of attempted healing, attempted redemption, and attempted forgiveness all being corrupted by the transcendent arcane.
I'm very excited to see where they take his arc next. I like to think that this analysis can stand on its own, at least for now!
#*remembers that i'm getting my MA in english on a random wednesday*#i'm so so fascinated by this direction they've taken him#i never saw it coming#and as much as i appreciate and giggle along with the jesus jokes i actually think this deconstruction is compelling#arcane writers are just so very smart!#viktor arcane#arcane viktor#viktor nation#arcane#arcane s2#arcane season 2#arcane s2 spoilers#arcane spoilers#arcane season 2 spoilers
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Newly diagnosed trauma holder culture and recently only learning you have a system and not knowing what all these terms mean after years of everything being thrown at the wall to see what stuck with doctors. What is an Endo? Why is Traumagenic (me or us) a term? Are diction alters real or not? And why can't I know my alters the way others seem to define them as separate people? I'm all blurry all the time. It's so overwhelming learning all this stuff. Is it a bad thing to still mostly use singular pronouns when referring to ourselves even though I've been told there are about 12 distinct personalities? Is 12 a lot? It feels like a lot. What about the fear of being called a chronic liar? Am I bsing if I only just came to a name for my system?
(Can I be called 🦌🦇 sys anon?)
Woah okay ‼️ you’ve probably found answers to this by now cause this has been sitting in the inbox so long, but let’s take it one step at a time ^^
What is an Endo?: Endogenic systems (or endos for short!) are systems that claim to be formed by something other than trauma . Many traumagens don’t believe in endo systems, including us, but I don’t wanna tell you what to believe ‼️ do your own research on endo systems and plurality (cause I think there’s a difference ?? Idk‼️)
Why is Traumagenic a term?: has a lot to do with those that claim to be endos being more common‼️ it was created as a way to differentiate , but if you (like us) don’t believe in endos, there’s really no reason to use it . You still can , though ‼️ not here to police you ^^
Are [f]iction alters real or not?: I’m 90% sure you meant fiction and not diction , so I’ll go with this one . What you’re talking about are fictional introjects , also called fictives or fictites ‼️ And in that case, yes ‼️ They are real :3 introjection is a normal human process, but with the compartmentalization that CDDs cause , it takes that to the extreme with introjects ‼️ Fictives specifically can form if the media is a major player in a system’s life , and the brain believes an alter with the traits of a certain character could help the specific situation ^^
Why can’t I know my alters the way others seem to define them as separate people?: For starters, recognizing alters as alters instead of fully separate people is actually really good for healing ‼️ (NOTE: if you see your alters as separate people, that’s not inherently a bad thing ‼️ the fact is though , they aren’t . I’m not going to tell you what terms to use for your system , and you’re within your right to refer to alters as different people ‼️ I’m just stating a fact :>) and about knowing your alters , that comes with time . We’re still trying to figure out all of us ^^
Is it a bad thing to refer to ourselves with singular pronouns?: No ‼️ that’s your choice , and whatever makes you most comfortable is the correct option :> we use plural pronouns because that’s more comfortable , but using singular is just as valid ^^
Is 12 a lot?: That really depends ^^ your brain needed 12 separate alters to survive your trauma , so by that logic it’s not ‼️ and even if it was , that’s not a bad thing ^w^ take your time with your system :3
What about the fear of being called a chronic liar?: Denial is a huge part of CDDs ‼️ they’re meant to be covert, so discovering them is usually very difficult . And remember , you and your psychologists a know your experiences the best . Listen to your doctors , and evaluate your own experiences . If you aren’t a system , there’s no shame ‼️
Am I bsing if I only just came to a name for my system? Nope ‼️ you aren’t even required to have a system name , it’s just something a lot of us do :3 and if you mean just figuring out your experiences had a name , you wouldn’t be in that case either ^^ Either way , you aren’t bsing anon :3
Whew, this was a long one ‼️ hope you’re doing better now , anon ! Ik this took a while to get to :<
#🦌🦇 anon#did system#osdd system#actually did#actually osdd#anti endo#did osdd#endos fuck off#osddid#endos dni#trauma holder culture is#trauma holder#mod K🎉‼️
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unleashing the same hellscape i did on my notes app here it's my nelvas thinking dump i wrote just for fun and to keep track of what i view them as up 2 this point. Might change my mind on it later on it has a lot of things written in brackets for no reason . it's like ~2500 words long which isn't much but i think i said everything i've had in my mind for now read it for fun if you like to have fun leik me :) And talvas :) And nelothxP
retyping what i said in the tags of those last text posts and rearranging those thoughts a bit: in my train of thought that's been going steady since early 2024 i'm almost certain that neloth might see talvas as the epitome of being morally Clean (before that changes because of neloth's influence over him) and generally pure as a person. pure not used in the Pervert way; neloth is just a veeery big fan of talvas having absolutely no backbone and being very docile when it comes to him. which is r expected traits 4 someone if they find themselves under neloth's thumb as an apprentice, but it being written that he isn't at all catty and defiant to his face is cute. all talvas manages to do is shit talk neloth to others and pray neloth doesn't find out he meant the things he said but also can’t help feeling bad about it, even though neloth doesn't and wouldn't care, if he found out. neloth is happy with being an obnoxious & disgusting person. truly.. him growing obsessed with talvas' docile and innocent nature doesn't necessarily have to add up to him wanting to Taint or Ruin him (and if it happens ((it does)) it's not done on purpose, neloth can't hold that much control and power of his actions in that specific department). he encounters difficulties when he realizes he actually wants that Elven Twink.. it's too far gone to fix anything after he's tampered with talvas' patience and stability, and even then he can't be honest with talvas about anything, because he still wants to hold a great deal of power over him (neloth essentials for survival).
Might be the type to just want talvas to magically(haha) think it's okay that his wizard master desires him and expect that energy right back without talvas actually acknowledging it because it'd make neloth feel insanely cringy and embarrassed.. humiliated.. EVEN. but that's just in a deep deep dark corner of his mind, he isn't stupid. when trying to gain 'access' to his apprentice ("*His* apprentice" is also kinda funny way of viewing his mind too. just cause talvas is working as an apprentice under him neloth probably already feels a concerning sense of ownership over him that makes him feel very good) he can't even make the signs of interest be apparent to talvas because he's insanely inept at being Soft and honest for obvious reasons. he can tell what possibly could make talvas warm up to him even after he treats him like shit for eons but there's no way he's bringing himself to do it (change is embarrassing, especially in their formal dynamic, and especially at his age). so it's a half-assed attempt (actually he's trying his hardest🙄) to try and make talvas be (at least) less afraid of him. not that talvas has any other place that we know of that he "Belongs" to, he just sticks with neloth regardless of anything. neloth watching him as he sleeps ensues . Guys what do i do to make my apprentice let me hit because all of the eye contact i do with him while gripping his arm or petting his knee isn't helping.
if we were to go back to how that spark is ignited in neloth swamp of a heart, brain… idk, it has to be when he realizes talvas' capability of forgiveness and 'Sucking it up' instead of lashing out at neloth after .. anything, but perhaps physical abuse in particular. neloth a 100% has absolutely no problem putting his hands on anyone, especially someone he sees so often, such as talvas. not that talvas really annoys him (his clear and voiced obedience pleases neloth as anyone can tell), but he just doesn't see it as too much of a big deal. the physical mistreatment that happens once in a blue moon isn't intense enough to scare off talvas for sure anyways. neloth is a bitch so all he can so is smack him at the back of the head (talvas finds it very normal) and slap him if he's feeling festive (something talvas finds kinda extreme but not that it happens often. he sometimes feels like he deserves it, or that neloth is warranted to do as he pleases. he tosses around it being justified or pitying himself, though). May be possible that neloth would realize he Like Likes talvas once he slaps him, mayhaps, for the first time, but talvas' immediate reaction to being treated like that is just sadness mixed with feeling shame for tearing up/crying in front of someone he respects *bishoujo sparkles sfx*. talvas is a delicate soul so he can't hold warranted emotions like that for long, and even tho it's expected of him to be making eye contact w/ neloth in a setting like that, he wouldn't be able 2 bring himself to do it because looking at neloth would make him wanna burst out in tears like a weeeee baby. Booo hooo.. talvas is the 19th century (4th era) damsel that runs out of the ball in tears after no young cavalier invited her to dance. watch this bleed into the most awkward and silent week of neloth's entire life because talvas doesn't even really feel like speaking to him or looking at him, but neloth doesn't wanna brute force the usual respectful etiquette out of him cus he thinks that's just gonna make talvas hurl himself down on some rough rocks at the seashore. Good thing talvas is very spineless and forgiving (especially in relation to neloth… i mean.. who r YOU to not forgive him) so that might just last a day or two. the hurt always stays tho. neloth this is why talvas doesn't wanna smash you.. you might've made some conclusions about what elven twink you like but talvas is just even more scared of you now. was your Pervert awakening worth it. and even if we do backflips and jump thru the point where everything is too far gone for either of them to go back, dude is still too afraid to make out with his apprentice. Deserve. but why though because talvas wouldn't refuse. for what reason? we may never know
^^^ this makes me feel like i love seeing characters i reaaaalllly love (elenwen and talvas in this case) as enigmas in situations where they're confronted with something so ""Intimate"". elenwen's stance on this is final tho cause she's a grown ass woman and there's no way you could reshape her brain. ulfric left her mind plane in SHAMBLES. talvas has more right (in the literal sense) to be erratic or inconsistent with his actions. maybe he likes to be desired. Also i strongly believe that talvas has probably never been in love (for any reason rly but it's mostly him not having actual time for it + not seeing it as something that is important to him at that point in his life)… i want neloth to be his first experience with Love so that it ruin his view on it forever. can't get myself to say he'd be in love with neloth at any point though. From his standpoint it really should feel empowering and 'nice' that neloth wants him in many ways (ew).. cause that's a man with status.. power.. ability to do anything rly . talvas is in no condition to be playing mind games with him or anything tho so don't get that idea. he's not strong enough of a person to be Tricking anyone or to be Playing with anyone's feelings. neloth would be immune to that, too. neloth can just kinda tell talvas is too good and … UNTAINTED. talvas wants to see the best in everyone. too bad he genuinely detests you, neloth.. so: he doesn't actually love neloth but wouldn't be happy to see his tombstone either. SO (PART TWO): if you time it right he wouldn't be against getting Freakkkkyyyy with you okay?but no promises
even if @ some point talvas develops indistinct feelings towards neloth cause of neloth's own incessant weird-mild advances it wouldn't have to mean he just likes old men permanently now. actually it kinda does. i can sorta feel it rearranging his braincells and making him unable to normally interact with people in his age range. he probably already had a hard time talking to others in hopes of developing a friendship just cause he's timid but after neloth's nonstop abuse and Accidental romance mind games he morphs into a whole new type of guy. it's hard to notice at first but he'd probably just start to leech off of neloth's prissy and unbearable personality in a natural course of things + neloth is the only person he sees and talks to on the regular pretty much. < this can just be reworded as just the cycle of abuse and whatnot. if he notices an opening in the abilities and Smarts of another person, especially someone his age/younger, he will automatically see them as umm…stupid. and also insult your abilities to your face if he snaps. he strikes me as the type to be afraid to say what he really thinks (another consequence of being glued to neloth all the time when all talvas does is act like he totally respects anything he says) and gets scared if anything slips out his mouth but is proud in letting the "Truth" be known because he already figured out you're a lesser being than him. he's just cloning neloth's verbal abuse braincells though he would never put his hands on someone. his desire to be mean and see himself as superior stems from neloth always disparaging him obviously.. talvas 4 that reason is very self conscious of his abilities and doesn't rly think he's all that useful or talented. his self doubt then would play into how he doesn't know when to believe what others are saying to and about him.. i wanna imagine that talvas is very oblivious to neloth's weirdo status just cause he partly doesn't even want that thought to cross his mind. i bet everyone but him sees it and finds it gross😕 but nobody in the vicinity is strong enough to tell neloth that he should be ashamed LMFAO. if you would try and even hint to talvas that it's happening he'd never take you seriously and just get mad. he's protective of neloth's image more than neloth himself is; not that people knowing neloth has abnormal sodomistic inclinations toward his apprentice would make his public image worse than it already is (everyone already thinks he's weird so it's not shocking at all) but talvas still wouldn't wanna hear it cause he thinks it's just false. maybe he's just ashamed that he's being brought into the whole thing. also because he doesn't wanna face the reality EJI23JRIO32KJ Well talvas when neloth makes an actual move on you don't say that we didn't warn you.. we're all waiting till neloth's status as an obvious apprentice-pervert becomes obvious to you
even if he's willingly ignorant of the fact he still thinks of the 'accusations' a lot when he feels like it. and unknowingly begins feeling even more uncomfortable in neloth's presence. heart starts beating faster and everything. neloth could come up to him meters away and talvas would still cover his mouth in realization and be like "i knew it… the DB told me but i didn't wanna believe it …..😦 so you really do like young men … and you're in love with me ..😨" *Neloth wakes up from this fever dream drenched in sweat* < neloth doesn't want (obvi) talvas to react that way at any point because he himself would just get scared so they'd just be staring at each other wide eyed. but talvas jumping into his advances isn't what he wants either (that'll also scare him). neloth is still relying on talvas' politeness to let him do as he pleases. but it is impossible for talvas to let it slide without questioning anything regardless so🤷♀️ take your few Ls and move on. neloth just wants talvas to sit on his lap. wants to spoonfeed him soup. he's so romantic. he also wants to(sniper on rooftop blows my head to bits). neloth is actually a pretty touchy feely person when he's feeling Frisky (=deranged about talvas). I'm certain his favorite part of talvas' body is his legs. talvas has beautiful young man skipping leg day legs. so nothing special at all but neloth wants to touch them lol.. let your master wizard squeeze your calves and he might just be occupied enough like a kid playing with a fidget toy to not abuse you verbally for 3 seconds. as i said befoar neloth is unpleasant with his touch because he doesn't know how to be soft + doesn't even want it to necessarily feel very 'rewarding' as to not pamper talvas. petting talvas kinda turns into a nervous habit for himself and an instrument of some sort of Reassurance 4 talvas when he wants him to know he’s not mad, for example. non-vebal confirmation. talvas still finds it weird but thinks it’s a charm point too. neloth wouldn't even be against touching him familiarly in front of others but only in a "older male figure" ways ex. touching his knee or putting his hand at the back of his neck (talvas sees it as some sort of disciplinary tactic though). physical touch that matches neloth's age and is enough for it to be seen as not necessarily romantic / overtly weird.
there'ssssss no saving talvas after such a powerful person gets his hands on him. any will to leave would leave HIM either out of fear or out of attachment and neloth wouldn't just let him go (Alive at least) since he knows the things he knows. if talvas were to escape i'm a Truther of him not feeling in place and wanting to go back cause it's the stability that he's used to. but tbh if he encounters neloth on accident anywhere he's gonna start running. I was drinking tea while writing this and started choking on it i just nearly died writing this are youhappy. anyways, nelvas is a never-ending abusive relationship that doesn’t even have High highs, all it has is low lows. neloth always mistreats talvas for any reason but is never genuinely kind from the heart or out of remorse. .. hmm……yeah. I forgot to type this back out from my posts tags > talvas might just start viewing neloth as fuck crazy and demented after he Finally notices at least one molecular sign of gay attention from him . like ‘Oh wow Master Neloth obviously doesn’t get any female attention or anything cus he’s a sick fuck why does he have to search for it from me Can varona take the hit for me 🥺 *sees her dead body being dragged by the DB* hmm i guess not well i’ll figure something out i guess’ (he doesn’t) also the dialogue talvas has with varona after he steals neloth’s book trying to conjure some bs up will always be so cute to me he’s so defensive and afraid of neloth finding out. Him trying to decipher neloth’s handwriting is cute TOO ik their 19th century love letters to each other would go crazy and make sense to anyone but each other but i’m not gonna talk about 19th century girl talvas x neloth rn it’s too much . what ever. i think i’m done thank you i should just go back to drawing them as grecian pottery red figures or smthj Fun stats for you 4 getting to the end: times the word ‘abuse’ is used: 6
#text#i've been putting more meaning(?) into the nelvas-es i've been drawing lately so i wanted to see how it would reflect in words#the fact that dis will show up in tags will haunt me a little bit but if i add asteriks it will be incomprehensible LOL#i hope this isn't too hard to understand when reading bc i know i have an easier time reading stuff like this instead of 'snobby' writing -#- bc i like knowing how the thoughts were brewing as they were written down.#but it may not be the case for all people.#what do U think of it.#i think what i;ve always liked the most in being able to talk w/ people Online is getting to know their thoughts on the same thing#more than anything else#i literally sucked and spit out all of the skajrim lore factors out of their relationship pretty much (not that it had much in the first -#- place) so it's just a reading on a possible scenario with the characters i was given#i mean characters i put in the soup pot decorating the middle of my brain#this is december-may 2024 facts for now#just so i remember#abuse //#< OKAY#log#< is gonna be my tag for this type of thing if i end up saying more because i already started torturing my notes app with what i think of -#- civil war characters#tumblr is pussy so it made me reformat the paragraph breaks i made. they don't rly matter anyway but still
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I feel as though people (mostly people who aren't insanely wataeipilled, or involved with shipping in general) are misunderstanding what we're upset about. It's not the simple assumption that we want wataei to be "canon" and that we're upset that that can't happen because of Eichi getting married, it's that HappyEle have been on a character assassination spree recently (Izumi in Mad Party & Kohaku in Last Mission) and we're worried that's going to happen to Wataru and/or Eichi. Regardless of shipping, Eichi never told Wataru, who's supposed to be his "best friend" that he's essentially been engaged to Tori's sister for the best part of a year. If Wataru isn't upset about this, then they've done it once again, because Wataru trusts Eichi to take his mask off around him; whilst the mask is "him", the "mask's purpose" (the title of his card in EP:Link) is to hide oneself. Wataru took it off for EICHI and Eichi ALONE. He put himself on display, allowed his facade to begin to fade around him and be his authentic "self" and opened himself up to possibly even be hurt (which he was immediately, by the way, and CRIED over it. HIBIKI WATARU. CRIED. Because Eichi was indifferent to his confession of love) because he trusts Eichi, and Eichi's told Wataru before (Tempest) that he also trusts him. So, is it or is it not blatant character assassination, and possibly even going back on their more recent development of becoming more honest with each other, if Wataru is not upset with this development?
#Question isn't rhetoric btw I'm open to people disagreeing with me#wataei#eichi tenshouin#tenshouin eichi#wataru hibiki#hibiki wataru#enstars#I hope I don't sound absolutely insane here#i constantly doubt what I'm talking about whenever i talk about them because i'm terrified of being wrong#i personally think that akira will take the story in a preferable direction but we're not wrong for expecting the worst#considering how completely bastardised Izumi's character was in mad party#and how little Kohaku's emotions were payed attention in Last Mission#It's not completely out of nowhere to say 'wataei in atlantis' could possibly be the next on the list#however i sincerely hope they're not#i'd also like to mention how most of us just wanted the story to be about fine reflecting on their development as a unit and as friends#much like crazy:b's and ra*bits' climax events#and some may also be upset that that's not the case#not me personally but something i've heard#valentine's rambles
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Within months of Craven’s introduction of Banks, Craven claimed Banks had been hospitalized after dropping a KitchenAid mixer on her foot, according to both an anonymous former business associate of Craven's I spoke to, and my own past conversations with Craven. Several hours later, her leg was allegedly amputated, and nearly 48 hours after the first operation, her other leg was amputated as well. The anonymous source mentioned above claims they then contacted West Suburban Medical Center in Oak Park, Illinois where Banks was said to be recovering according to the source who saw this information on social media. When they contacted the hospital to send flowers, the hospital said there was no patient by that name. This resulted in the source seeking a third-party opinion due to fears of Craven allegedly misrepresenting himself and taking advantage of clients through sympathy.
A Prominent Accessibility Advocate Worked With Studios and Inspired Change. But She Never Actually Existed. - IGN
This reminds me of “The Strange Case of the Electronic Lover,” which details a very similar fraud committed by a man on CompuServe’s CB Simulator in the early 1980s. Like, this kind of thing is pretty much as old as the social use of the Internet.
And of course the HIV+ high school AU/cannibal mermaid Hamilton fanfiction incident.
#absolutely buck wild#investigative journalism#fraud#disability#accessibility#video games#'she dropped something heavy on her foot - we'd better cut off both her legs!' said no doctors anywhere ever#this dude Coty Craven seems to have invented not one but THREE#queer disabled POC women as sockpuppets to gain accolades and sympathy#this is the thing#most people you encounter on the internet are within a broad range of normal#and not deliberately misrepresenting themselves for any nefarious purpose#but they COULD be COMPLETE AND TOTAL LIARS and it can be really hard to tell the difference!#I hope this is not the case with the people I've talked to for a long time and feel I know
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wheeeee splatoon fandom stop making me want to leave it for good challenge impossible
#this is about smollusk#literally just say you don't want to use it/its pronouns at this point#the amount of people i've seen use he or they#it's really not that hard#and like it makes me feel like shit as someone who prefers exclusively it/its pronouns#like#sure gives me a lot of hope for how you guys would handle a real person going by it/its(sarcasm)#gaige talks into the void#sorry if i sound bitchy im just annoyed#i dont like to rant i really dont my anxiety-riddled ass cannot handle it#im just#frustrated#and sad i guess#because of how much splatoon helped me come to terms with my identity#anyways#see ya#im done talking#splatoon#smollusk#side order spoilers#obligatory just in case#splatoon 3
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While I know that I shouldn't apologize for this, I do feel like I'm being more inactive than I would've liked for myself even in these moments where I have free time before the training starts. Know that I love Dain to bits, always have and he's been the reason why I got into Genshin. I love his lore and everything that surrounds him. But many times it can get really dragging when the content in Genshin is lacking for the most part and for a character that has so little about him, the fact that there is so little content to go with as things stand worsens it.
It becomes even harder when there is a newer game that will barely make it to a year soon to compare it with. And no, I won't get into the "Genshin would never" because I find that stupid and it's not the case. But it's the gameplay, the storytelling and a whole list of things that I won't bother to write up here that I discussed in private with friends. As for what the current circumstances go, it's hard to think that H.YV is taking it seriously with this game when, as soon as they finish the main arc of the newest nation, we're jumping from one festival to the next without little regard of the aftermath of the current nation after everything it went through. I don't want Genshin to get suddenly gore-y or anything of the story, but it does get sad when this game story becomes interesting when it gets dark. It has many reasons to be and a select amount of antagonists to make it interesting if it weren't... because they make it laughable at this point, so not-threatening or they pull redeeming qualities out of their behind for marketing purposes. There are many interesting things that could be done in Genshin both from the storytelling and gameplay perspectives, but eventually it's all reduced to this go-happy thing that in essence, feels so forced.
To conclude with this ramble, I just wanted to say that I've been feeling demotivated and it's showing to me, I can't imagine what it'll be to you. Know that I won't stop writing Dain, he's been the muse I've been the most invested in years and it'll continue to stay that way. It's just that... it's being hard in my end and that I'm trying my best to get out of this by thinking new things to address with him. All in all, I hope that the team responsible for Genshin will get their poop together soon and get serious with it.
#I don't joke when I say#that the best way to go in this case#is plotting#the back and forth#to keep the mind working#because the game certainly isn't at the moment#and it'll continue to stay that way for one more patch#even the new banner is ridiculous for multiple reasons#but I've been sour enough in this post#to talk about that too#it's little wonder that I'm seeing more and more#people begging for Dain to return#because everyone knows that when he does come#things are getting serious and worthwhile#I hope he comes in 4.6#and they don't stall him more#even though I'm anticipating 4.6 to be interesting on its own#without his intervention#but it's been /that/ long man
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meowdy... <3
#i'm so close to caught up on everyone's lovely art and fics ;_; hghghgh and if you've sent an ask i'll answer it soon!!#[to the one person who knows who she is: KJSNKJN. KJSNDKJNDKJ. AAAAAA???? (positive)]#i've been very avoidant lately of online spaces ;; pt has been hard on my wrists so i haven't been able to work much on my plushie#and typing has been just as hard -- if it isn't the pain it's the inflamed nerves wrecking my hand-eye coordination#so i think i'm pressing keys when i'm not or i'm pressing all of the wrong keys. so it takes me twice as long to type anything ;;#i'm hoping we're building a good rapport tho and finding an equilibrium between Not Pushing Enough#and TOO MUCH TOO MUCH OW OW OW (week-long whole-arm nerve pain) kjsnfkjn so. i hope that means i'll be able to type regularly again soon!!!#we're just in the learning phase of both of us figuring out what my nerves can handle without exploding lmao. turns out: not much!!#i really want to talk to people again rghhhh i miss everyone sm!!! i keep being like 'wow i'm so lonely i wonder why that is'#<- has been disconnected from friends for many weeks#i WAS finally able to finish ren's face tho! very slowly! and i'm close to done w the body embroidery!!!#excited to have that done. not excited to start hand sewing. wish i had a working sewing machine even if i could only sit at it#for a few minutes at a time sjdfnskjn life could be a dream...#HENNYWAISE. hopefully i will soon have my carpal tunnel and pinched nerves reined in. my mars anniv is tomorrow#and i don't have anything to show for it bc of my wrists so. blows a kiss into the sky for her <3 my beloved oc-ified oushirou KJNSDKJN#i'm rambling and dont want to edit things bc pain from today's appointment ok i love u byebye 👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻#📌 [ my posts. ]#💭 [ my thoughts. ]#vent -#<- just in case
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Hi, can i ask you why in your opinion some people consider the moors a proper character in wuthering heights? Do you think the story would have been so different if it had been set in a different location?
I've wanted to sit on this for a bit to see if I changed my opinion/reaction, because I thought of an answer instantly. I'm going to be sincere, what I thought was "because people have not read enough (good) books".
I'm not entirely sure why people consider the moors a proper character because I don't think it works as one at all. I imagine a big part of the reason why is the appeal of the aesthetic and how powerful an impact it has had culturally and even in general in the collective imaginary, but I don't think that's exclusively due to Wuthering Heights. Trying to dig more, I'd say it's because of the importance it has for the characters, emotionally, narratively and symbolically. And, digging even more, I imagine it's due to the metaphysical bond and even ontological identification between moors and characters some people read into it.
Most if not all of these characteristics are typical of significant settings in books, though. They don't necessarily confer the settings the title of "character". And, as much abstract personality as they may have, in my opinion the moors are lacking something to be comfortable calling them so. In Wuthering Heights I'd say the house itself, Wuthering Heights, feels more like a character to me than the moors. Still, I'd say even then there's a certain something missing.
As much character or importance in ambience setting Bly Manor has in The turn of the screw, I don't think one could freely say it's a character on itself; that's sort of the situation with the moors in Wuthering Heights, I think. In comparison, Comala in Pedro Páramo, Hill House in The haunting of Hill House, Macondo in One hundred years of solitude or Vetusta in La Regenta, to name a few, feel a lot more like characters. They are books in which the settings themselves feel fleshed out with care, thoroughly developed like a character, and they even read as having a certain will of their own, as actively participating in the narrative at times. The moors in Wuthering Heights don't work that way. And it's not a bad thing. They don't have to, that's not their role.
Now, on the question about whether I think the story would be so different if set in some other location... I think the answer is both yes and no? Of course the book would never have been exactly the same had it taken place somewhere else, and the heather and in general the description of wildlife and vegetation are symbolically meaningful. But also, I didn't have a clear image of what the moors were when I first read the book. I imagined something infertile, isolated and cold, but that's it, and it worked. I didn't know how the English moors were at all.
I do think the isolation aspect is necessary to make Wuthering Heights, and I'd say perhaps even the cold and generally bad weather, but it's also true in a similarish way Pedro Páramo works with a place that is very hot. Ultimately it's up to the writer, and it will work if it's well written and well waved alongside the other parts forming the book. Wuthering Heights was waved with the moors in mind specifically, and it works. Would the story in abstract be much different if set somewhere else? Not necessarily, probably not, but it wouldn't be exactly Wuthering Heights, just as it wouldn't be if one were to change any other of its characteristics.
#The stormy windy weather works very well with Cathy's moods specifically for example but I don't think we see her be influenced or changed#by the weather the way Ana's mood is influenced by the rain in La Regenta for example. Which doesn't make the moody weather less important#It has symbolic and aesthetic aspect and in art that's very important on its own#Is the weather/wildlife/vegetation/setting important in Wuthering Heights? Yes of course#Could one set a similar story somewhere else and still be able to convey a similar effect and mood? Also yes. There are examples#I think I've talked about this before with both @faintingheroine and @13eyond13. About the importance of the setting in Wuthering Heights#and how other similar stories could be set in some other very different places. Or how despite the setting being very particular#in Wuthering Heights the story works and is very popular in other very different and at times faraway countries (such as Japan for example)#because more than the specificity of the moors the setting depends on the infertility perhaps‚ the mood it sets#and how it works with the narrative and characters‚ and mainly the isolation#One can easily translate that into something relevant to their own place and culture so to speak#I didn't want to include this (and some other things haha) in my reply to avoid making it longer still‚ but here it is just in case#Also there's an idealisation of Wuthering Heights in certain particular aspects‚which is something I talk about often with @faintingheroine#I think that too plays a role in making people consider the moors a proper character on its own#The topic is very interesting and this was fun to think about. Thanks for the question!#I hope my reply was articulated enough. I've been awake for thirty hours. I'll try to remember to come back later and give a look though#I talk too much#Wuthering Heights
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You're getting a bass this weekend? Sick. What kind if you don't mind me asking?
It's pretty dependent on what ones are available at the store, I'd like to try to get one secondhand (some people say you feel closer to instruments you buy new? But for years I learned and played on a secondhand saxophone and loved the instrument dearly) so it depends on what's there and the price. Hopefully there's something in my price range because I'll need an amp too. I also, uh, have no clue how to play a bass, so I figure I'll start on an inexpensive-but-decent one and see how it goes from there?
I read up a bit and saw good things about some Squier Classic Vibe and Ibanez SR300 for beginners, Yamaha in general too. I'm not picky about the brand right now, I figure I'll get a more nuanced opinion as I learn and figure out what sound I want? One reason I want to go to the store is so I can try to get my hands on some to hear the sound of them, and choose from there.
#sorry it's not a more nuanced answer but alas i am a total beginner#i've been wanting to play music again for years rbh but for reasons beyond my control my saxophones are. out of reach#it's. complicated? or. well. not really. but it is frustrating#but they've been out of reach for years and i dont know when i'll get them back#but i dont want to buy A Third Saxophone so im switching instruments! it was between a bass and a theremin tbh#i also don't know if i want to lean into a more metal sound or jazz sound and that'll determine future bass purchases i imagine#if you know more about basses and have advice would be happy to hear/read it#(also. am hoping that an amp for a bass will work for a theremin in case i decide to learn that in the future)#((it COULD be worse i COULD be building an Apprehension Engine. which was made specifically to score horror movies.))#i am excited to learn to play bass though. i've missed music a lot and i think if i can get into the habit of playing regularly it'd be good#sorry for all the tags too. lmao. i don't have many people to talk to about this
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went to my first con in 4 years on Friday to meet Kaiji Tang and got a Dazai autograph + video recording of him reading to me. He was the sweetest person (as I knew he would be) and interacting with him was lovely, but also at the same time oh boy it sure was an extremely stressful, ugly wake-up call of what it feels like to live in a world now where everyone around you has blissfully moved on from covid and can enjoy things normally and happily, while you'll forever be trapped in a hellscape of perpetual fear 🫠🫠🫠
#like. to be clear this was the first time i've been literally anywhere but doctor's appointments in 4 years#not just because of the pandemic but because of mental and physical exhaustion#so it was a Big Mistake to go from 0 to 100 and not ease myself into it at all#but at the same time........ it was a fucking hellscape of people. i don't think any kind of buildup could have prepared me for it at all.#it was so much less crowded in 2020 (ironically the very last place i ever went; literally on the BRINK of covid)#and now idk what it's become. a monster con. it was unbelievable.#but i was only there for less than an hour but i was so so so terrified that i very nearly left before even seeing him#i couldn't even fully enjoy meeting him as kind as he was because i was so anxious and distracted#and when i got back to the car i just fucking cried.........#the last five days i've just been sitting in fear waiting to feel Any sort of symptoms#i wore two masks and again was barely there for long but Still#and everyone around me was so chill as if everything was normal and No One was wearing a mask :))))) it's not fucking fair man :)))))#insert the 'they don't know' meme; they don't know how much covid can destroy your body even if you get a 'mild' case#i would never want to be that ignorant even if i wasn't disabled and didn't have reason to worry (but everyone has reason to worry!!!)#but also. ignorance is bliss and it just really fucking sucks man.#it really fucking sucks. why do they get to be happy and enjoying life and not /me?/#why can't i do just ONE thing for myself without having it tainted by anxiety and fear that i'm going to die horribly???#while they get to do fucking EVERYTHING???#if they all just wore masks we could all enjoy ourselves much more comfortably than some of us are now#but no that's too much to ask from people 🙃🙃🙃#shit sucks man. the world sucks. something that should be a happy memory for me was simultaneously the most awful experience#and i don't know how to feel about it now that it's over#he knew that i was afraid and at the end he told me that he hoped to see me again at another event someday#and that made me cry because it felt like dazai telling me to live. and i want to. but i don't know how to when the world is like this now.#i desperately want to be able to see him again someday but right now after how terrifying that was i never want to go to a con ever again..#i wanted to ask him things about the manga and about dazai but i was being rushed and stressed so i couldn't ugh#(and doing that is hard enough anyway cause disability and i have to talk with my phone bahhhh)#at least i was able to give him my note *sigh*
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I have two questions:
1. Have you ever considered writing a book that you would want to get published?
2. I wonder if you will explore Matt’s blindness in TRT. Like for example at the end of the day Matt did lose his eyesight and maybe sometimes wished he could see Jane. It doesn’t have to be a big thing because Matt has accepted his disability but like a moment when he’s just really wants it. Idk I thought it would cool
1. I’ve thought about it, yes! And I’ve actually got an (unedited) trilogy of vaguely humorous, post-apocalyptic scifi adventure books that’s like... halfway written, and that I’d love to get published. I was actually in the process of working on Book 1 when Covid hit, and then my writer’s group kinda... collapsed, which is when I promptly discovered that as an extrovert, I desperately need interaction to make The Story go. No interaction, no drive (and that’s also why fic works fine). And sometimes I toy with the idea of starting up again, maybe with a new writer’s group. I’m also looking into taking a lot of the original elements of TRT and then self-publishing that (with some changes to get Disney off my back obvs), which would let me keep the fic up, too. Not sure! I definitely have plans to try to get a book published eventually though!
2. Sometimes I’ve thought about it! I may touch on it eventually, though very, very delicately. Like you said, it wouldn’t be big because I really do think Matt’s accepted he’s blind and he doesn’t see it as a bad thing, and it’s really not. I do admittedly think he probably still gets understandably frustrated at how blatantly inaccessible some things still are (ex: i literally walked by a coffee shop that had a printed piece of paper inside the window in small print that said ‘large print or braille menu accessible on request!’ and I was like... ok but a blind/visually impaired person can’t read that???). Cause that’s the truth of it - he is still blind. He’s got a disability that affects his day to day and even if he’s happy the way he is (or that’s how I read him), he still needs his aids. I’ve tried to make that clear in TRT - Jane’s taken up his labeling system with braille, she leaves things in *very* specific places because Matt’s got an organization system he needs, he uses his ear pieces and refreshable braille display. And yeah, as someone who’s disabled myself, I could see him now and then going... ‘I wish I could see just for a second’ when there’s no solution for something - when he’s touching old pictures of his dad, or now and then when he’s with Jane, in the same way I’m sometimes like, ‘I wish I could literally run somewhere without pain, just to feel the wind’. It’s a passing thought usually, but it’s probably there now and then for him. So the thought’s rattling around in my brain, definitely. If the right moment in fic comes I can see touching on it!
#ask response#the red thread#daredevil#on matt's blindness and disability#sure i'm disabled but mine's different than matt's so i try to be aware of that while navigating it in fic#we know based on ep 1 with his brief mention that there *are* things he'd love to see again - the sky in that case#and so i think jane would fall into that category#but we also know he doesn't see his blindness as something there to hinder him based on what he says to foggy when talking about stick#and in some ways he sees her more deeply than anyone else on this planet#he just sees her without vision#he hears her heartbeat and all the other little pieces of her no one else gets to hear#he gets to experience the comfort of her scent at a fundamental level#he gets to feel the way her temperature changes when she's excited or happy to see him or when she sees a kitten#and when he kisses her he can taste *so much* of who she is#he doesn't need sight to know her#and i honestly don't think he'd ever trade his senses for getting his vision back because he's happy the way he is#but there'd probably still be a moment now and then of 'it would be nice if i could see her just for a second'#as for getting published one day I can oooooooooonly hope!#i've got stuff written already that either needs to be finished or edited#but it's hard in original work cause I need that back and forth interaction with other people to get my inspo flowing#i'm definitely hoping to get published one day though and i'd love to make writing a profession#fingers crossed!
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finished my second bingo card from @ficreadingchallenge, woo! thanks again for hosting this event, it's great fun! 💗
list of read fics under the cut
1. multichapter fic
Countdown by prairiecrow
Garashir, DS9, 8,090 w, rated teen
summary:
Garak is poisoned, and Bashir finds himself in a race against time.
2. mythical creature AU
beautiful eyes lookin' deep into mine by sarahcakes613
Barisi, SVU, 1,664 w, rated gen
summary:
Rafael hasn't seen his reflection in almost six decades. Sonny finds a magic mirror.
3. less than 20 kudos
I'm Thinking Pastels by harinezumiko
Garashir, DS9, 100 w, rated gen
summary:
Prompt: garashir, magical unicorn adventure.
4. found family
Two Fools And Their Son [series] by Talvenhenki
Garashir, DS9, 5,227 w, rated gen
summary:
Julian adopts a child. As the child grows, so does Julian's family of misfits.
5. historical AU
Our Better Natures by OnlySlightlyObsessed1
Spones, TOS, 1,429 w, rated gen
summary:
Spock couldn't let it happen again.
6. future AU
I will die in the house that I grew up in by justhockey
Buddie, 911, 3,169 w, not rated
summary:
Loving Eddie is like breathing past all of the broken glass in his lungs. Buck can’t believe he gets to have this - can’t believe he gets to hold something so precious in his shaking, bleeding hands, and is trusted not to ruin it. He’s not sure he deserves that kind of faith, but he will spend the rest of his life being grateful for it anyway. He’ll spend the rest of his life trying to deserve this family that he’s made.
7. 5+ year old fic
Letters from the Northern Continent by thehoyden
Garashir, DS9, 7,966 w, rated mature
summary:
It just figured that the first time Julian Bashir set foot on Cardassia after the war, it would be halfway around the world from Elim Garak.
8. fic with no comments yet
Big Medicine by LadyDrace
Garashir, DS9, 100 w, rated gen
summary:
Doctors make the worst patients... and tailors don't make very good doctors either...
9. hurt/comfort
Here, at the End of All Things by sahiya
Garashir, DS9, 17,929 w, rated teen
summary:
He was no one’s choice of nurse, Garak reflected, even if Bashir seemed to tolerate him more than anyone else on the station did. Garak had been trained to inflict pain, not to ease it; to terrify, not to comfort. Bashir had shown Garak more tenderness and care than anyone had in many, many years, and the idea of trying to play that same role for the good doctor now was, frankly, a little intimidating. Not trying at all, however, simply was not an option.
10. fix-it fic
you standing in the doorway by Mireille
Stony, MCU, 1,420 w, rated teen
summary:
The most remarkable thing about you standing in the doorway / Is that it's you and that you are standing in the doorway - Mountain Goats, "Going to Georgia"
11. genderbend
Magic is the Worst by arianapeterson19
Tony Stark (gen), MCU, 1,354 w, rated teen
summary:
As far as magic went it wasn't the worst thing to have happened to Tony but it also wasn't turning out how he wanted. He was going to find Loki and demand a refund. OR The one where Tony gets turned into a lady.
12. de-aging/kid
Kid Steve by Neverever
Stony, Avengers Assemble (cartoon), 1,752 w, rated gen
summary:
It's all fun and games for Kid Steve after being de-aged by the Impossible Man, until asthma attacks.
free space
Bombing It by tokidokifish
Garashir, DS9, 1,112 w, rated gen
summary:
“Happy birthday.” “I’m sorry, my dear doctor—I think you’ve mixed me up with someone else.” “I haven’t. I know you wouldn’t ever tell me your real birthday, but I still wanted to give you something to show how much I appreciate your friendship—so I just picked a day with appropriate significance in human culture.” “The first of April.” “Exactly.” — Julian wants to give Garak a gift, so he simply picked a day to do it.
13. bodyswap
i'm yours, body and soul by meidui (orphan_account)
Stony, MCU, 749 w, rated gen
summary:
When Tony wakes up in his husband's body at six in the morning hundreds of miles away from his conference, he almost puts a pillow over his head and goes back to sleep because, really, stranger things have happened.
14. daring rescue
come out to the sea, my love by allyasavedtheday
Buddie, 911, 8,035 w, rated teen
summary:
“Bobby,” Maddie exclaims. “It’s Buck.” Eddie’s head shoots up, hand immediately going to his own radio. Did something happen? Is it another clot? Did Christopher call 911? Is Buck on the floor bleeding out while his son watches- “He and Christopher were on the pier.” There’s one dizzying moment where Eddie’s vision completely whites out and he loses all control of his limbs but then a strong hand is gripping his arm and he manages to pull himself together enough to focus on Bobby’s face. “Maddie, how do you know that?” Bobby asks and he sounds calm but Eddie can hear the tension hidden in his voice. This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening. “A girl with a drone called 911- she sent me the footage and-“ Maddie lets out a hitching breath. “They’re stranded on top of the 136’s ladder truck.” * Tsunami au in which the 118 find out about Buck and Chris being stranded on top of the ladder truck and come to rescue them before they get separated.
15. fic written by someone who follows you
a line drawn in the sand by crazyassmurdererwall (smartalli)
Buddie, 911, 5,655 w, rated teen
summary:
When Eddie forgets about a family tradition and can’t get off work early, Buck steps in and takes Christopher to Abuela’s for him. Eddie doesn’t expect Buck to still be there when he gets off work. He doesn’t expect to tell Buck how he feels. And he doesn’t expect to stand up to his parents. But maybe it’s about time he did. Maybe it’s about time he go after what he wants.
16. unhappy/bittersweet ending
Flowers for Julian by peytra
Garashir, DS9, 1,232 w, rated teen
summary:
A late-night conversation about time and gardening.
17. short fic (<1000 words)
Sleep And Be Peaceful by Elemental_Queen
Garashir, DS9, 214 w, rated gen
summary:
Garak comes home late, and finds Julian asleep on his couch.
18. BFFs
I really love you (oh, you’re my best friend) by stellarpoint (pettifogger)
Steve & Robin, Stranger Things, 1,457 w, rated gen
summary:
Robin approaches him slowly. She sees herself in the mirror: still dirt-smudged with bags under her eyes and dried blood obscuring her freckles. She rests her hand on Steve’s back and feels the rattle of his breath under the vest he still hasn’t taken off. “It’s okay, Steve.” He jerks his head up. His eyes are red-rimmed and shining. She slides her left hand all the way around his side until she’s hugging him from behind. She presses her cheek to the denim covering his back and closes her eyes. “It’s okay, dingus. You can let it out,” she murmurs. She rubs her face against his back and slides her hand down the bare skin of his arm. “It’s just me. You don’t have to pretend you’re okay.” Or: Steve has a tell for when he’s trying not to cry and Robin seems to be the only one who notices it.
19. pets
Birthday Surprise by PepperSpicedLatte
Saffi, ST: Picard, 100 w, rated gen
summary:
Evie, their beloved cat, has a surprise for Raffi
20. mistaken identity
What Happens At Comic Con by Heartithateyou
Stony, MCU, 1,164 w, rated gen
summary:
So Steve likes to go to comic con sometimes. And just maybe he dresses as Captain America. And perhaps he might flirt with an Iron Man cosplayer. But can you blame him?
21. remix fic pair (worth 2 spots)
out of the mouth of babes (a childish remix) by Fluffypanda
Stony, MCU, 3,745 w, rated teen
summary:
Tony doesn't know how to deal with a child-sized Steve that seems to think they're friends.
22. new (to you) fandom
when you think you've tried every road by firstaudrina
Tristan Duffy/Liz Taylor, AHS: Hotel, 3,224 w, rated teen
summary:
Normally Tristan would brush off someone eyeing his ass but this is different, somehow – like Liz looked at him once, and wanted to keep looking.
23. lyrics title - listen to the song too!
Crawling on Your Shores by Mireille
Stony, MCU, 9,600 w, rated teen
summary:
Compared to the last time Tony was trapped in a cave, this should be a piece of cake. It's really not. His armor is damaged, he doesn't have anything to work with, and he has an unconscious supersoldier on his hands. It's definitely not a piece of cake.
24. slow burn
keep a bower quiet for us by starghost
Garashir, DS9, 20,218 w, rating gen
summary:
Julian Bashir goes on vacation, and ends up stuck on Earth, in the past, with Elim Garak. Things could be worse, probably.
#Smowkie talks#summer fic reading bingo#ficreadingchallenge#garashir#barisi#spones#buddie#stony#i realized i automatically put MCU on all of the Stony fics on the bingo card#so that's why one of them doesn't match fandom with the linked fic#in case anyone notices xD#still Stony though!#also last time i didn't put any fic on the free space but i did on this one#idk how people usually do with those? it feels logical to me to not put anything there#but i know some people do use them#i could have put another fic there i've read plenty enough#but it feels a bit late for that now xD#so i hope it's okay either way
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