#I hope someday I can replicate it better

[rapturekiwi]

Life moves on

[roosterforme]

Yours Truly, Bradley Bradshaw Part 2 | Rooster x Reader

Summary: The collection of letters that Bradley received from the fourth grade class provides him with entertainment while deployed. He takes the time to answer their questions and send a package back to the United States via air mail. But he has your email address. He also has a bit of a crush and some questions himself.

Warnings: Fluff, language

Length: 4100 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female teacher!Reader

Check out my masterlist for more! Yours Truly, Bradley Bradshaw masterlist

A few days later, when Bradley was done with his training protocols for the day, he returned to his bunk with a different mission in mind. While he unzipped his flight suit, he eyed the box which was taking up most of his nightstand, and a smile found its way to his lips. He managed to find a notebook that nobody wanted along with a thick, padded envelope, and he was going to take the time to respond to the fourth graders who wrote to him. 

He'd spent hours poring over the letters, laughing at some of the questions from the kids and frequently picking up that one photo. He couldn't stop going back for more. For another look at you. Just one more look. Okay, this really was the last one. He had to toss it across the small room toward his duffel so he could focus on something other than your smile and the fact that he might have a tiny crush on a fourth grade teacher who knew absolutely nothing about him. Yet.

The note from Jayden was on the top, and Bradley opened it up and started to jot down a response.

Jayden,

It was so nice to hear from you and the rest of your class. To answer your pertinent questions, I am currently stationed on the USS Theodore Roosevelt. The most disgusting food in the mess hall is easily the cabbage rolls (which taste nothing like cabbage... or rolls). The best food in the mess hall is surprisingly the meatloaf. And yes, I would love to see a photo of your Cocker Spaniel. Please send one next time. I hope you're studying and doing your best in school.

Lt Bradley Bradshaw

The next note he decided to tackle was the one from Violet who had the tiniest handwriting he'd ever seen. The page had at least fifteen questions written out, but he decided to answer just a few for her. He had to squint as he skimmed through them again.

Violet,

You seem very inquisitive. That's a great quality to have, especially if you want to be a pilot someday. No, I did not attend the Naval Academy. I went to the University of Virginia. Yes, the Navy is way better than the Air Force. Yes, I can hold my breath underwater for three minutes. Yes, they actually made me do it. No, I don't think I could make it as a Navy SEAL. Yes, I have been staying hydrated and getting enough sun, thanks so much for asking. Keep studying hard, because you have a lot of school ahead of you before officer training.

Lt Bradley Bradshaw

Okay, so this was actually a lot of fun. Up next was a response to the note from Oliver, which made Bradley laugh every time he looked at it. 

Oliver,

Thank you so much for drawing the different Naval aircrafts for me. I hate to break it to you, but I actually do not fly the F-35 Lightning II. Yes, I know they look 'sickeningly cool'. Yes, I know it would be like 'slam dunking off the back of a dragon'. I guess I never knew I was jealous of those pilots until right now.... But I fly the equally cool if not quite as sickening looking F/A-18 Super Hornet. And yes, I would be more than happy to draw my own version of one for you. See below.

Lt. Bradley Bradshaw

The ten minutes he spent replicating his own aircraft to the best of his ability for Oliver churned out a pretty damn good result. He fished his phone out of the nightstand and took a picture to email to Nat when he had time, because she would find this whole thing amusing. Then he reached for the letters from Harrison, Nia and Jackie. He wrote his responses, and after a bit, he had a decent sized stack of letters all ready to go back to the fourth graders.

After a few more days, he worked his way through the entire class, and each kid would soon have a handwritten response on the way. He just needed to figure out what he wanted to say to you. The pretty teacher from the class photo that he now kept tucked in with his personal items. He worked on that one last, writing your full name at the top of the page and wishing you didn't go by the very non-specific Ms. which gave him zero clue as to whether or not you were married.

The package you sent was the nicest piece of deployment mail I have ever received. Thank you. I'm lucky it ended up in my hands. I'm impressed by how much all of your students have learned about aviation this year. I just hope I did them justice in regards to the questions they had for me.

I also hope you don't mind that I replied to each kid individually. They had some very amusing stories and questions, and I wanted to acknowledge all of them. But there was one question in particular that I was asked so many times, I thought I'd answer it here instead. My call sign is kind of a silly one, so it's okay if you all laugh. I go by Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw, and my helmet is mostly red, yellow and black.

Your kids seem like a fun bunch, but I bet they keep you on your toes. Feel free to let them know they can write back to me again, but please include my name on the package this time. I don't know that I'd be lucky enough to have it fall into my hands again by chance. I'll just be here somewhere in the middle of the Pacific Ocean for a few more months, ready to answer any questions you throw at me. Hope to hear back from you soon.

Yours Truly,

Lt Bradley Bradshaw

The following day, he packed everything up and dropped it off with the rest of the ship's outgoing mail. There was a rumor that a helicopter would be coming to pick it up in the next day or two, and he wanted to make sure it got back to California and those fourth graders as soon as possible. On his way back to his bunk, Bradley stopped by the lounge to see if there was an iPad free, hoping to send a quick email or two. He was in luck. He also happened to have your email address memorized.

--------------------------

You yawned at your desk and checked the time on your computer. Within the next ten minutes, your classroom would go from silent solitude to mass chaos, so you took a minute to clear out your email inbox. You had a few messages from some parents and a reminder about Spirit Week from the superintendent. And a random piece of junk mail that must have slipped through the spam filters. You didn't know anyone with a US Navy email address, and you didn't know anyone named Bradley Bradshaw.

As you closed your laptop, you gasped and tried to pry it back open again as quickly as you could. The Navy! The package you sent a few weeks ago! Maybe it was someone writing back to your class! Of course it could just be someone saying they were sorry that they didn't have time to engage with your students, but you figured even that was better than nothing. 

"Come on," you whispered, entering your credentials again before your inbox reappeared on your screen. The email was just a few lines long, but it was addressed to you by name. You were smiling immediately as you read it.

I just wanted to let you know that I got the mail you sent to a deployed Naval Aviator. There's a package on its way to your school for your class. It should arrive in about a week or two. Your fourth graders provided me with several hours of entertainment, and I hope they find my answers to their many (and amusing) questions useful. Thanks for the laughs, and thanks for the photos, too. Can't tell you how much I've been enjoying them. Hope to hear from all of you again.

Yours Truly,

Lt Bradley Bradshaw

You squealed and pumped your fists in the air. Someone actually got the box! And he actually responded! The other, older teachers thought you were just wasting your time when you deviated from the lesson plans a bit. Literally all of them said there was no way anyone would write back, even though you took the time to go through the proper channels at Top Gun on North Island. But now you could rub it in their faces, all thanks to Bradley Bradshaw who sounded like he'd had as much fun with this whole thing as your class had.

Then your day really started as Violet and Oliver burst into your classroom, calling out your name with excitement in their voices. The rest of your kids followed behind them, already asking about the plans for the day and what kind of adventure you'd be taking them on in each subject. 

When you clapped your hands twice and said, "Good morning," they all clapped and replied with their own greeting, and then they sat quietly with their gazes fixed on you. "Guess who I just got an email from!"

"The president!" 

"My grandma!"

"My Cocker Spaniel!"

"Oliver's grandma!"

You just shook your head and tried not to laugh as you said, "None of the above. But do you remember when we wrote and packed up those letters for a real aviator in the military to read?" Most of the kids nodded, so you added, "Well, he emailed us! And he sent us some mail that should arrive in about a week!"

And telling them that was a mistake. Because you didn't know a moment of peace after that. Every morning, you had kids rushing into the room to see if the promised piece of mail arrived yet. Every day you had to disappoint them, but you were finding yourself a little disappointed, too. You wanted to know what this Bradley Bradshaw guy sent back. 

You'd responded to his initial email letting him know you and the kids in your class were delighted to hear from him and that you would let him know when the mail he sent arrived at your school. He didn't respond, but you figured he was busy. Too busy to constantly muck about with your class while he was thousands of miles away on a deployment. 

And that was what left you standing at your desk with your mouth hanging open in awe when the padded envelope did finally arrive one morning. Because when you carefully cut it open, you found not just one letter to the class but individual handwritten notes, one for each child.

"Wow," you whispered, pulling the note with your name written on the top out of the stack. This man seemed humble and sweet, and his letter made you laugh in more than one spot as you read through it. Then you read it again. He sounded apologetic about responding to each individual kid, but you felt like your insides were melting. Who would do that? Who would take the time to give individual attention to a bunch of nine and ten year olds besides you? And you were technically getting paid to do it. 

Bradley Bradshaw seemed willing to continue to engage with your kids, and you weren't going to stop him. Because starting that morning, he became something of a legend to your class. A celebrity. A real lieutenant in the Navy replied to all of their silly questions, and their love of aviation just grew from there. You figured you were going to have to keep your lesson plans going a bit longer while their faces lit up as you walked around the room and handed them each their notes. You had taken the time to skim them beforehand, often laughing at his sense of humor which seemed to jump off the pages.

"Can we write back to him?" Jayden asked as everyone read their notes from Lieutenant Bradshaw. "I have more questions."

You smiled and nodded. "Yes, you may write back to him." Then you postponed your geology lesson until the next day and let them spend the next forty minutes writing some followup letters. You took some pictures of them diligently toiling away at their desks, excitement on their faces. Then you bit your lip and sat down at your own desk.

As you started to construct an email letting him know the envelope had arrived, your thoughts drifted to what he might be like. Humble and sweet, for sure. But he also made it a point to tell you that the box from your class was the best piece of mail he'd ever received while deployed. Maybe he was a little bit lonely. Maybe he was single. Maybe he was stationed on the west coast. Your thoughts started to get ahead of you, and it was hard to reel them in when you imagined him excited to see another email from you. Smiling when he was handed another box from your class during mail call.

Dear Lt Bradley Bradshaw,

We got the envelope from you today, and my kids are absolutely thrilled! I'm not sure if you know how hard it can be to wrangle eighteen fourth graders all at one time, but they are currently sitting quietly and working on new letters for you to read. Once again, please don't feel obligated to continue correspondence if you're too busy. I'm sure you have other people you could be writing to who want your attention as well. I just wanted you to know they are overjoyed that a Naval officer took the time to answer their questions about aviation.

I have attached some photos as proof that they are sitting still. Thanks again for making their day.

You signed your name at the bottom the way you always would from your work email account, and then you attached the photos. After a brief debate about adding the selfie you took with Violet where most of your face was visible, you decided to just go for it. Adding it to the mix wouldn't hurt anything. It wasn't like this semi mystery man would be up all night thinking about you. 

But you found that you were still thinking about him when you went home to your silent house and made dinner that evening. Maybe he was a little bit lonely, but maybe you were, too.

-------------------------

It was amazing how infrequently Bradley found himself thinking about Vanessa. He was busier now with his duties picking up a bit more as his deployment wore on, but even when he was tired and in his bunk at night, his thoughts seldom settled on her like he was afraid they might. He didn't miss her or her half-hearted emails, and he wasn't craving the connection of reunion sex with her. 

Instead, he was thinking about what a group of fourth graders were learning about this week and what their cute teacher was up to. It had been a few days since you emailed him, letting him know that his package was delivered to your school. You made it sound like the kids were excited that he sent it in the first place, and when he really thought about it, he supposed some officers would have just eaten the snacks and tossed the notes in the trash.

He didn't reply to the email yet, still thrown off a bit by the pictures you attached. Your classroom was vibrant, and the kids were absorbed as they worked on more notes for him to read whenever they happened to be delivered to the carrier. But the photo with you in it held his attention longer than it should have. The fact that you were working at a school that was just a handful of miles from his damn house made him feel warm.

But what would he do about it? What could he do about it? Nothing. He didn't want you to think he was creepy. He still knew essentially nothing else about you. The only thing he could do was keep it friendly if not professional. Unless of course you did something to push the boundaries of conversation into a more personal realm. God, if you did....he didn't think he would be able to handle it. 

The next day, when he was heading out on deck to talk to the mechanics who were doing regular maintenance on the aircrafts, he took his phone. "Hey, you mind if I take a few photos of some of the engine parts? I want to send them to a class of fourth graders who will think it's cool."

"Go ahead, Lieutenant," the head mechanic replied. Then he smiled and asked, "You dating a teacher?"

Well. Wouldn't that be something? Bradley would never run out of curious pen pals. He would always have some fourth graders to take interesting photos for and to send notes to. He'd always have a classroom to visit as soon as he got home from a deployment.

He couldn't help but picture you as the teacher.

"Nothing like that," he replied, his voice a little gravelly. "Just writing to some kids who are learning about aviation."

After dinner, when he had a chance to use an iPad in the lounge, he did his best to put together a response to your email that would at least hint at the curiosity he felt. 

If all it takes is mail from three thousand miles away to get your class to sit quietly, then I should probably be writing to you every day. But I'm sure you're a great teacher. That's a given considering how much your students learned and shared with me. And I can assure you that I'm more than happy to take the time to write to your class. And you. Please don't think I feel obligated, because I do not. I want to.

I have attached a few pictures of some F/A-18 engine components as well as some of my cockpit controls. Each photo is labeled, but please let me know if you have any questions.

It was nice hearing from you.

Yours Truly,

Lt Bradley Bradshaw 

As soon as he hit send, he wanted to kick himself. Should he have included a photo of his face like you had twice now? Or did he already sound too desperate to hear from you and your class again?

"Shit," he muttered, looking around the lounge as if there was going to be someone here proficient in the art of getting to know a fourth grade teacher without sounding stupid. But it was too late now. All he could do was wait for the next mail call or hope you decided to write back to his ramblings by the next time he checked his email. 

-----------------------------

You were going to have to scrape your jaw off the floor. You had no idea what this man's face even looked like, but his hands were... something else. And his thighs... well, they were pretty great, too. It must have been too long since you got laid, because you were sitting at your desk in your classroom staring at the set of photos in your inbox, currently unable to look away from his right hand. It was wrapped around the throttle of his aircraft. It was elegant with attractive veins and rough calluses. You were sure that you were supposed to be focusing on the cockpit controls, but all you could see was that hand and his thick, muscular thighs below.

The next photo was no better for you. He was holding up his helmet with his call sign Rooster emblazoned across the front, and you were able to see his left ring finger. There was no wedding band. There was no evidence of an outline where a wedding band would belong. There was just his big, strong hand.

You whimpered softly while your students worked on their math tests. You couldn't help it as you took one last look before logging out of your email account. And now you needed to know if his face matched the very attractive image you had in your mind. 

When Jayden called your name, you rocketed to your feet like you'd been caught red handed. "Yes?" you squeaked, your voice sounding higher pitched than usual.

"I'm done with my test. May I have the hall pass and use the restroom?"

You handed it to him as the rest of your class finished working through the math problems. A few minutes later, when you collected the papers from them, Violet asked, "When is Lieutenant Bradshaw going to write back to us?"

It had only been a few days since you mailed him the second box of notes and some more snacks, but it made you happy that they were all so invested in learning more from him. 

"It will probably be a few weeks before we get anything in the mail. However... he did email me some pictures of engine and cockpit parts from the aircraft carrier for me to share with you guys." When you looked around the room, the kids were on the edges of their seats, excited expressions on their faces. With a laugh you added, "I was going to wait until tomorrow and use the projector to show them all to you, but if you're very well behaved for the rest of the afternoon, maybe I could pull them up on my computer for you to see them today."

Not two hours later, you were just as excited as the kids were to look at the photos... again. As they crowded around your desk, you opened up the first one of the cockpit to a barrage of questions. 

"Is that really his jet?"

"Is that the throttle?"

"What do all the buttons do?"

"Was this right before he flew it?"

Once again you were distracted, but you managed to click over to the next photo, and the kids gasped in delight. 

"His helmet is so cool!"

"It says Rooster!"

"That's his call sign!"

"Red is my favorite color!"

You just smiled softly and laughed. "Should we go ahead and start working on another list of questions for him?" you asked as you slowly scrolled through the rest of the pictures. "He said we can write back to him as much as we want to." When everyone cheered, you handed Oliver a marker and pointed to the board at the front of the classroom. "Let's start making a list."

You listened to all of your students call out questions for Bradley while Oliver wrote them down. Then Violet asked, "Can he send us a picture of his whole jet? From the outside of it?"

You cleared your throat and added, "Maybe he could get someone else to take the picture so he could stand in front of it. For size comparison."

Violet nodded, but you knew you were a fraud. Sure, it would be great for the kids to understand just how massive the F/A-18s were compared to an actual person, but you were the one who wanted to see all of Bradley. You were itching for it now. 

Later that night, you drank most of a bottle of wine and did something you promised yourself you'd never do. You logged into your work email account after nine o'clock. You skipped over the handful of unread emails from parents and clicked on the icon to compose a new message. With your liquid courage goading you on, you typed up a response to Lieutenant Bradley Bradshaw and hit send before you could think twice.

Thank you for the photos. They were very enlightening. We especially liked the ones where you were showing off your cockpit. Or I did, anyway. The kids liked all of them and started on another list of questions for you. Good luck getting rid of us now. 

We were wondering if you could have someone take a picture of you standing in front of your jet. For size comparison purposes. And also because my students would like to know what you look like. Hearing from you makes our day even better.

You couldn't believe how forward you were being with this man who you'd never even met in person, but you fell asleep thinking about his hands and what they might be capable of.

-------------------------

This Bradley makes me swoon. I've never wanted to be a fourth grade teacher so badly in my life. There is something that's starting to blossom between them even though they haven't even met in person. Thanks @mak-32 and @beyondthesefourwalls

PART 3

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[heliosphere-underthesky]

I have a question, what do Earth and Titan think of each other?

Earth: I once gave him a rose and he seemed enamoured by it! It was kinda cute. He said he'd love to have kept it at home when he finally learned how to grow one someday... I hope he does. Titan: Seeing that rose for the first time was an experience... it made me want to work harder at being able to sustain life like his! I hope someday I'll be able to achieve that. Earth is so cool!

He was amazed by that rose so much, that he tried to replicate it from memory with his atmosphere.

Titan is actually a fanboy for Earth! He's always looked up to Earth as a role model. Because of this, sometimes Saturn does invite Earth over for a cup of tea so that they can have a chat. Titan is pretty shy though, compared to the outgoing Earth and Saturn!

It was said there was an ice volcano nicknamed "The Rose" on Titan's surface, now better known as Sotra Patera.

[noxtivagus]

i'll fix my account like tmrrw dw i'll be fine 🥹

evening has come again huh

[satoshi-mochida]

Stella of The End for Switch launches December 5 - Gematsu

The Switch version of Key-developed visual novel Stella of The End will launch on December 5, publisher PROTOTYPE announced. It will support English, Japanese, and Simplified Chinese text language options.

In Japan, the game will be available both physically and digitally. The digital edition will cost 3,300 yen, while the physical edition will cost 3,740 yen for the standard edition and 10,780 yen for the limited edition. The limited edition includes a B2-size tapestry featuring artwork by SWAV, an A5-size acrylic panel, a paperback version of the after story “Diary of a Faint Hope,” and a copy of the game, all packaged in a special box.

Stella of The End first launched for PC on October 28 in Japan, followed by iOS and Android on April 21, 2023, and an English-localized PC release via Steam on September 26, 2023.

Here is an overview of the game, via its Steam page:

■ Story

The world no longer belongs to humanity. Giant machines now roam the earth, pushing mankind to the brink of extinction. Jude Gray, a wandering Courier, receives a request to deliver some very special cargo. This cargo turns out to be Philia, an android girl who is unaffected by the enigmatic Singularity Machines. Jude is left with no choice but to escort Philia to her destination, doing his best to protect her from harm and teach her how to survive in this harsh world. Together, they must traverse the hostile wilderness, avoiding threats both mechanical and human. The whole time, Philia insists she’s going to become human someday. What awaits Jude and Philia at the end of the road? Can humanity really be saved, or is it already too late…?

■ Characters

Philia

An Android Who Dreams of Being Human “If I become human… I can save everyone. I think.” An android girl discovered inside an ancient replicator capsule. Ever since she opened her eyes, she’s been fixated on finding a way to become human. Philia has a bright, innocent personality and zero real life experience. It’s up to Jude to teach her how the world works. She’s curious about everything around her and occasionally charges in without thinking about the consequences. She also has a natural affinity with AI, being able to understand them on an almost instinctual level.

Jude Gray

A Wandering Courier Just Trying to Get By “I have to protect you somehow, and shooting down threats is the only way I know how.” A man who makes his living as a traveling jack of all trades. His knowledge of technology and engineering means he gravitates toward more specialized jobs, for better or worse. Jude’s mind is always on survival first and foremost. He doesn’t allow himself to be influenced by emotions or any abstract sense of duty. An avid gun enthusiast, he often gets so wrapped up preparing his gear that he loses track of time.

Willem Grosvenor

A Nobleman Working to Revive Humanity “I have a dream. One I’ve harbored all my life.” This mysterious old man claims to be working on a project to take the world back from the Machines. He has access to highly advanced technology that has kept him alive for over 100 years. After contacting Jude via a drone delivery, Willem offers him a king’s ransom to retrieve and deliver Philia. He’s only ever seen on video calls, making his actual whereabouts a mystery.

Delilah

An Android Seeking Her Father “He’s the one who taught me everything I know.” An android rescued from a gang of bandits, who appears to be the same model as Philia. She’s been treated badly, and now has a cracked-open head, a missing leg, and a multitude of other injuries. She was separated from the man she calls her father, and is desperate to find him again.

Visit the Switch version’s official website here.

[angrysnakes]

I saw you reposted KMC-Birdsong's leaving post on their warrior cat blog. I admittedly had to skim most of it because of lack of time, but I am revolted. I am so sorry this is long as fuck but I am livid.

The balls to have said things like that in all those screens where they promised to be there for Toffee, ETC, then just ruin their life and replicate the exact behavior they apparently against.

I honestly feel like nothing Bird could’ve possibly said would’ve been an actually somewhat justifiable reason to do any of this, but the ones they listed were leaking of guilt even before that ru person explained further why they were absolutely nonsensical and deplorable.

Super uncomfortable too that Talking acted super cocky and like a highschool bully when they weren't aware Bird was lying to their face, and glossing over antisemitism and other disgusting bigoted shit just to have an echo chamber; how the fuck is Bird ever comfortable with themselves. Grow up. It says a lot too, that Talking deleted their blog and has kept quiet.

Bird then immediately coddling when caught and were willing to dunk on Toffee further just to maintain that and Talking's blase attitude is revolting, no consideration or compassion for the hurt they caused even when admitting bare minimum wrong doing and not give Toffee a chance, fuck off actually. You are perfect for each other if you can done abuse and bigotry just to remain together and use the excuse of knowing each other for a long time to not recognize that - a long history doesn't cancel out the shitty actions you create together in modern time.

That screen where their whiteknight sounding friend said "I've seen autistic people who handle things better than them" and Bird having the balls to call a person they claimed to care about's trauma "conflicting tales" because they couldn't handle their own actions, fuck off???

Go shove that gatekeeping, gaslighting deflective bullshit right up your arse. leaving out all the details that hinted any vulnerability in Toffee to victimise themselves too. How Mature. :)))))

I do agree Toffees attempts at communication were very unnecessary and pushy, and even uncomfortable at times, I can see why they would, they should not have done that. But they did not deserve this level of ABUSE and exploitation of their time, art and ideas with no explanation of being left to dump like garbage and Bird having the balls to use their ideas after ditching them???

The IRL stuff now makes the suicidal ideation, gaslighting and being abandoned in SC not authentic at all. More proof that your stories don't reflect your IRL views; it's a special kind of fucked up to have characters do what you can't in real life. At least for me, it explains why SC2 seems so ridden with guilt, the constant Swift bashing and why his character got so badly butchered (which is so...do they not see how awful that is to have the DISABLED protag be the constant butt of the joke and have the plot torture him??)

I hope more people see your reblog. I can't imagine being in a position where you can do nothing while the person who fucked you over can just walk away and not consider you after they dumped all your shared stuff and friendship away. Temporary break my arse. That was a deliberate manipulative excuse to abandon them because of reasons they couldn't even honestly give.

For real, it's really annoying. Some people get dogpiled online over nothing but then others get off Scott free because their shit isn't as interesting of drama or whatever. Really I just wanted bird to fix their mistakes but I can see now they're a coward that may never change and I hope they get a taste of their own medicine someday.

[carpisuns]

I just wanna say I have an old post of yours saved in my drafts, about being a beginner artist…. I look at it sometimes to give me perspective and reassurance. Thank you. It has inspired me to continue my hobby/passion even if I don’t get many notes rn. I improve and I see it! Thats all that matters. Thank you. I hope I can be that for someone someday.

oh wow 😭 this just warmed my heart—thank you for sharing with me. i don't know what post you're talking about specifically, but i'm so glad that something i said could give you a little extra boost sometimes<3

it's both cool and sort of embarrassing that this blog is a record of my entire art journey. i didn't start learning how to draw until i got into ML and joined tumblr again about 3.5 years ago, so it has my very earliest art as well as my most recent. the other day my sister and i went through my art tag and i was literally crying with laughter at some of those pieces alskjdf (particularly this one). they're sooo bad but they were my best work at the time! as much as i cringe to look at them now, it's nice to remember how far I've come. There are still so many things I struggle with and things i disappoint myself about, but that's normal because I am still growing. no one stops growing. the artists you look up to the most, whose work seems absolutely flawless to you, are still growing.

and YOU are growing too! whether you feel like you are or not. sometimes it takes looking back to realize it. i'm really glad you can see your improvement! honestly, that's a skill too! having a healthy mindset about your own development can take a lot of internal work so I'm really proud of you for that.

(i got very rambly so cut for the rest lol)

and honestly sometimes the improvement isn't even about what the art looks like—it can just be about how you feel about making it. I think one of my biggest improvements in the last year was getting comfortable with drawing and sharing things that are Bad and Ugly! for example:

the first one i drew 3 years ago, just a few months into learning how to draw. the second one i drew about a month ago. they both have obvious flaws and you could even argue that the old one is better drawn than the newer one. so it's like omg did i not improve at all after over 3 years?? did i actually get worse? lol. no! because a lot of the improvement is internal.

you'll notice that the first one was done in pencil and the second one is pen. it took me years to feel confident enough to sketch in pen because you can't erase! you have to commit to the lines! you can actually see tons of erase marks in the first one, but i didnt even use my white-erase tape at all on the second one. also, the first one is a screen redraw. i was just looking at the image and trying to replicate what i saw the best i can. the second one is new scenes/poses that came from my brain—not that they are very complicated/impressive lol, but there's a difference there. and what you can't see at all is just my attitude about drawing them! i can't particularly remember doing the first one but i guarantee i spent forever on it and was nervous about posting it. second one probably took me 7 mins and i knew it was ugly but i was zero percent embarrassed about that lol. that's progress baby!! cant even tell you how much of a difference it has made to me to let myself draw ugly things. i draw ugly things all the time. some of them get posted online. some of them get shared with one or two friends. some of them get shared with no one. and i've finally learned how to either embrace them as what they are or just shrug it off and go, "you know, this is not it! moving on." blank pages are so intimidating because you have a million opportunities to mess things up, but you also have a million opportunities to explore and learn and experiment and have fun and also to surprise yourself with what you're capable of.

i started out with nothing but a pencil and some powerful blorbo brainrot, and that was enough! that has been enough to power me through years of all the struggles and triumphs that artists go through. it was enough to help me push through every art block and keep drawing to the point that my instincts have improved and things that used to be almost impossible for me are just regular hard lol. i've actually illustrated for a print magazine a few times now, and a few weeks ago i finished my first animatic—which i always wanted to do but didn't have the skill or confidence for.

sorry this is so long, i'm just very passionate about this subject lol!! i just want every growing artist to know that if you keep trying and having fun, improvement is not only possible but inevitable. like, you don't even have to do formal studies if you don't want to. keep looking at art that you like and figuring out what is appealing to you. keep drawing what you feel like drawing. if you're no longer inspired by a piece or it's a little too tough for you right now, it's ok to drop it. you can come back later or never. you have infinite opportunities to make new and better art. and don't forget to give yourself credit for the progress you've already made. it's so hard not to compare yourself to others, and literally everyone—even the best and brightest—feels bad about their work sometimes. but try to compare yourself to your past self and pat yourself on the back for your improvement! it's okay to grow slowly, or in a way that's not so visible on the outside. just remember that you are growing, and you will only get better and better.

also, side note about notes/likes: i know it sucks to feel like your work is not getting attention when you poured a lot into it :( this might sound rich coming from me because i feel that people have been incredibly generous toward my work from the very beginning. but just know that popularity is not really about who "deserves" what, and it's not an accurate reflection of skill either. so if you feel unseen, that doesn't mean your stuff sucks. and you never know what your work might have meant to the people who saw it, even if there aren't that many. art doesn't have to be popular to be meaningful, and it doesn't have to be perfect either.

the world is a little richer and more beautiful because of the ways you are growing and the things you are sharing. so thank you, and please don't stop.

[origami-is-life]

DREAM SEQUENCE PART TWO ELECTRIC BOOGALOO THE SECOND PART

Sorry for the cliffhanger, also you finally get an actual description and name for her old teammates.

Sitting before our beleaguered heroine are four magical girls she knows quite well. They’re seated in a circle, the same way they’ve always done.

“It’s been a while.”

The first speaks up. She’s wearing what looks like a slightly fancier school uniform, but the soul gem on her bow and the odd spider motifs betrays this as her magical girl outfit. Her hair is short, straight, and deep blue. She quietly examines Kitsune through a pair of glasses. This is Patricia, the Class Representative Witch.

”I-I hope you’re doing well!”

The second nervously fidgets with her gloves, not sure how to interact with what has become of her old adoptive sister. Her verdant hair cascades over one eye, adorned with red roses. Her outfit, which looks like a combat adaptation of a masquerade ball outfit, is covered in rose motifing, even her skirt replicates the look of a swirl of petals. A familiar sits on her shoulder. This is Gertrud, the Rose Witch.

“You took forever!”

The third girl beams excitedly. Her outfit is flashy and old fashioned, looking like a proper princess gown, it’s a wonder that she can fight in it. Her color scheme is soft, deep blues and whites. Her hair is white, and partially tied up. A veil falls over her back. This is Walpurgisnacht, the Witch whose nature is Helplessness.

“Hiya again!”

The fourth girl waves. Her hair is black and tied into twin-tails by red ribbons. Her outfit is a more classic magical girl outfit, colored in white and bright aquamarine, accented with lights. She looks a bit like Miku, to be honest. This is Kirsten, the Box Witch.

“H-how are you here?!”

“MAGIC.”

“We cannot stay for long...”

“The mortal plane is not one we should visit more than we need to.”

“Dream sequences, however, are generally allowed!”

“…Why didn’t you come sooner?”

“…We all know the answer to that: you would have lost it. Besides, the only time you’ve slept since we died was you being out-cold unconscious after getting shot.”

Kitsune does not reply to that, staring at her hands. She knows quite well what kind of damage she was willing to do to herself and others just to see them one more time, just to have them by her side again. She would’ve torn herself apart trying to get back to them-

Gertrud smiles warmly, placing a hand on Kit’s shoulder.

“But no need to worry, that time has passed.”

“Yeah! I missed you!” “Guys, we have a mission, now is not the time for antics.”

“Awwww-“

“…We are here to deliver a message, and then we must leave you.”

Kit’s eyes fill with tears of panic, but Kirsten speaks before she can.

“You fulfilled your wish.”

“…How?! I couldn’t save you, I-“

“I can’t speak for the others, but you were one of the best friends I had in life.”

“I second that! You’re fun, and dramatic, and you always make even boring stuff a good time.”

“You work so freaking hard to make everybody happy and okay, Kit, give yourself some credit for once! I didn’t sacrifice myself just to watch my teammate throw the life I gave her away!”

“This team made me feel loved when nobody else did. And we wouldn’t be a team without you, Kit.”

“Awww, guys…”

“…But the past is past, and you’ve done all you can. Origami’s right.”

“You may lose flowers to frost, but new ones will grow in spring.”

“I dunno what that means but YEAH!”

“Stop rewatching Act 1 and get on with the next scene already!”

“It hurts more seeing you try to get us back, trust me…”

“Move on.”

“I tried so hard, I’ve lost so much for this…”

“You’ll just lose more, you can’t outfox death. Cherish what you have, the team you have, the world you have...”

“Besides, you’ll see us again someday! But now’s not the time for you to die, not yet!”

“Mada Dame Yo*.”

Kit stares down at her hands, lost in thought for a moment. …Maybe she’d be less miserable if she listened to her friends, maybe the world’s better with her in it…

“…I can try. I-I’ll try my absolute hardest.”

“You’re gonna do great! You and Origami and Hammer and everybody! WHOO!!”

“Now, get some rest. It’s time for us to go.”

They hug her before standing up, smiling warmly at their friend. At their sister. …And then they’re gone…

…But Kit doesn’t wake up, her dream doesn’t have to end just because they left it. She stares from her vantage point at the risen sun, at the city skyline, smiling, tears dripping down her cheeks.

“…I wish…I wish my teammates could be here with me to see this, heh…”

*translation: “it’s not time yet”. This is also a song from Madoka Magica lol

[mod magic to give ori that sense of peace for a moment, excuse me a sec]

*origami pauses in her search, feeling a strange sense of peace wash over her. like all her problems have been resolved somehow. she suddenly pictures herself standing beside kit, watching the sun rise over a gorgeous city. she blinks, and the image is gone. the peace takes longer to fade, but she cant seems to get rid of the smile on her face. she has no idea what just happened, but she feels as though its a good thing. she continues her search, a little bit of some pep in her step once again.*

[ELSIE THIS IS SO SOFT AND BEAUTIFUL AND SWEET AND JHJBWCHBWKCHBWKDCBHWVHW]

[I LOVE YOUR WRITING SO MUCH OH MY GOD]

[KIT GETS PEACE OF MIND LETS GO]

[cartoonfanaticmonsterrobotalien]

Sneak Peak of Solar Opposites in Mighty Solars Issue #8: Love, Loss and Double Cross Part. 1

Note: Just to let you know I’m gonna do some sneak speaks to my upcoming Mighty Solars issues coming soon someday! I hope you guys enjoy some of them! It’s gonna be different issues, but hey! It’ll all be worth because I think most of you might enjoy them! So enjoy these sneak peeks!:

The Temptra heads over to the house with the door as she sees Phoebe keeping on the kids while they do their ordinary shenanigans.

Phoebe: breaking up a fight the between Yumyulack and Jesse Hey, hey, hey! Yumyulack, stop messing with your sister!

Yumyulack: stops fighting with Jesse Okay. hugs her while the two Replicants smile like good siblings who always make up after fights

Phoebe: Pupa, we do not put a ray gun in our mouths, okay? gets a gun out of the Pupa’s mouth

Pupa: Phoebe!

Phoebe: wipes the sweat off of her forehead Phew. Babysitting can sometimes be hard work. sees the Temptra approaching her Hmm?

Temptra: You must be stress, darling. Come, why don’t we have a nice cup of coffee and chat?

Phoebe: Uh, the fuck? I don’t even know you.

Temptra drags Phoebe into the kitchen, much to the nanny’s confusion. The two ladies were sipping their coffees as the Replicants and Pupa peaks for a bit as they overhear the conversation.

Phoebe: I don’t think, this is really necessary. I mean, I don’t want to talk to a total stranger. I don’t even know why are you in! Our! House!

Temptra: Nonsense! Be free to tell me all your troubles, dear.

Phoebe: stops sipping her coffee and grows suspicious Oh God, you damn better not be messing with me, because I know how suspicious you’re looking right now.

Temptra: Aw cheer up sweetheart, looks like you need a snack. brings out a chocolate muffin out of nowhere Nothing like a hug of chocolate to calm me down. puts the muffin up on Phoebe’s face as the latter starts to realize what is happening Come on, what’s a bit of chocolate gonna do?

Phoebe: looking straight into Temptra’s eyes and sees cybernetics in them and then sees Platinum Belt’s symbol on Temptra’s necklace Fuck you! I know who you are now!

Temptra: mockingly while smirking evilly I’m sorry, is your hearing troubling something- gets kick in the face by Phoebe as she gasp What kind of a woman are you?

Phoebe: with a serious firm look The kind that never trust strangers! throws Temptra at the cover board and turns to the children Kids, run! It’s a robot sent by Platinum Belt! She’s trying to make us her tempted slaves!

Yumyulack: Oh shit! We have to go fund Korvo! He’ll know what to do!

Phoebe: grabs the kids Come on children! Let’s go find Quasarblast!

Phoebe and the children, who transforms into their human forms, gets into the car and Phoebe puts the keys in the engine starting and quickly drives up to the town as Temptra growls furiously then notices a group of college students passing by, which gave her an idea. Meanwhile, Korvo is busy sipping his coffee at the diner, as he began to grow suspicious of Sarah, not knowing that Platinum Belt is responsible for currently still manipulating and toying with her in her mind. Then, the news started to play on the tv.

News Reporter: on tv We interrupted this program to bring you some breaking news! Earlier reports were noticing some strange attacks from downtown area, one that involves the strange attacker, Premium Belt, who attacked local superhero Qausarblast, along with an alien couple that goes by the names Korvo and Terry Solar-Opposites, by creating nightmares in their heads based on personal… issues? The fuck? looks back the camera We now go live the witness.

Sarah: suddenly sees Temptra Oh no… Temptra!

Human Korvo: sees Temptra on tv and grows suspicious once he sees Platinum Belt’s symbol on her necklace Hmmm?

Temptra: on tv Don’t get me wrong, but it looks like a woman.

Platinum Belt: speaking in Sarah’s mind And the only way is to defeat this woman, right?

Sarah: grows frustrated and swats a coffee cup with her hand Ugh! No, I won’t let you try to destroy Earth-4 again!

Human Korvo: starts to overhear the conversation What the fuck?

Sarah: How are you able to know about this?

Korvo then uses his super hearing to hear the discussion between Sarah and Platinum Belt more closely as he grows disgusted and shock over what he is hearing.

Platinum Belt: speaking in Sarah’s mind Because, I know how to crush Qausarblast, by taking the person he loves the most. Wouldn’t it be great to outshine him and make you the only hero in town?

Sarah: starts to walk out of the cafe as Korvo looks at her suspiciously as she continues to talk to Platinum Belt in her mind No, I will stop her! Without your help! turns into Blue Belt as she flies off

Phoebe and the kids arrive at the diner as Korvo heads over to them.

Human Korvo: Phoebe? Kids? what the fuck are you doing here?!

Phoebe: Korvo! Thank goodness, takes him outside we need Qausarblast stat! Platinum Belt created the Temptra! She’s out for us!

Human Korvo: What?! Not in my city!

Korvo gets behind the dumpster and turns back into his Shlorpian form and then transforms into Quasarblast as he summons his new scooter as he gets on it and follows Blue Belt. The kids cheer for their father as Phoebe smiles at Qausarblast driving away, knowing he is gonna kick some ass.

Phoebe MacCarthy belongs to @themagicwolf6677

[the-enzyme]

My September 2023 toy haul finally arrived! Yay! It only took forever and a half, but not due to not spending a fortune on S/H but mostly because of the shop's struggles... flipping frustrating! T___T;;;

From far left to right front row: ThreeZero Sasuke Uchiha 1:6 Scale Action Figure; Taito NieR Replicant ver.1.22474487139… Spooky Chibi Boy Nier (Game-prize) Non-Scale Figure; Taito Nendoroid Petite Bakemonogatari: Koyomi Araragi Prize Figure; Squre Enix Play Arts Kai Kingdom Hearts III [Riku DX Edition] Non-Scale Action Figure; BanDai Ichiban Kuji NARUTO Shippuden Shinobi no Kizuna B Prize Sasuke Uchiha Figure (Game-prize) Non-Scale Figure. Front Row: TwinCre NARUTO Shippuden Vintage Series Acrylic Stand Sasuke Uchiha; Bell House Clear File Attack on Titan Eren & Jean Together with Dog ver.

I got the ThreeZero 1:6 Sasuke action figure from a USA retailer, but he arrived just a few days earlier than this haul, which just got here yesterday. So, that's why I included him here. He's better than ZenCreations Sasuke (which I really wanted, because of the version of Sasuke that one is, but his face and proportions!!!). However, this one has seriously far apart eyes, making his face look so much wider. Which is not accurate to the anime nor manga, that's the only downside. He's cute anyway, even if not one hundred percent accurate. I'm also super happy I got this version of Sasuke's Masterlise figure, I'm still missing the normal eyes version from the other kuji set. I am super happy with all these, particularly the Sasuke figures, and Riku! He turned out beautiful! I hope I can afford a second one someday! Also got another "grail," one of the many Nendoroid Petite Koyomi Araragi prize figures. And a second Spooky young NiEr so I can unbox one! Lol! I'm also adding my Simon's Toys Liroro girl. She's super cute. (:

[motelpearl]

star trek: picard spoilers /

I'm gonna keep updating this with my thoughts (making threads is one thing I kinda miss about twitter so this will have to do)

somehow troi & riker having a weird horse girl daughter makes perfect sense like she does so much of the stuff I did at that age (making up fake countries & languages, drawing really well for her age, running around in the bush with an archery toy)

when riker showed up at the end of season one LORD JESUS I COULDVE KISSED THE SCREEN

also elnor is my son I love him. AND FUCK Q

omfg I know the modern day is near-dystopian but seeing 2024 earth not only referenced but actually depicted so starkly in comparison to the near-utopian future in star trek is so fucking bleak like UGH CAN THE FUCKING VULCANS COME TEACH US SPACE COMMUNISM ALREADY. WHERE THE REPLICATION TECHNOLOGY AT

the rick & Morty reference DID NOT AGE WELL IN MANY WAYS UGH IM GENERALLY ENJOYING THIS SHOW BUT SOME OF THE WRITING IS SO REDDIT

I hate to say it but agnes & the borg queen are the most toxic yuri in the known universe

speaking of toxic yuri I knew nothing about seven of nine going into this cause I havent watched ds9 but I fucking love her like if she & raffi ever need a third......tsahaha

ALSO WHY IS CHRIS SO DUMB IN THE 2ND SEASON. YOU WILL NEVER FUCK.

THE WAY THE 2ND SEASON RETCONS TIMES ARROW FROM TNG & THAT EPISODE IN TNG WHERE PICARD SEES A VISION OF HIS MOM & SHES OLD AS FUCK & HAS GREY HAIR & A FRENCH ACCENT BOTHERS ME GREATLY. NOT TO BE THAT KIND OF NERD OR ANYTHING.

ok nevermind him having visions of her as an old lady is explained.....except the french accent

was data the only soong who wasnt a total dickhead

"sweet picard, your guilt must've saved planets by now, countless lives in trade for the one you couldn't" SCREAMS OF AGONY

romulan with red bloodshot eyes....RED?

QCARD DIVORCE ANNULMENT 🥳🥳

ok I guess chris DID fuck sorry I wasnt familiar with his game

wow I can't believe I watched the entirety if season 2 in one night tbh everything I've heard about this show from people whose opinions i generally trust has been that its (and I quote) "laughably bad" & like ruined all of TNG for them & I was honestly scared it would ruin it for me too cause tbh I became a trekkie when i was 9/10 & a lot of bad things were going on in my life at that point & star trek was one thing that always gave me happiness & then later I got into it again during like the deep quarantine where no one was leaving their houses at all & just about everyone around me got radicalized into racist far-right fearmongering qanon shit but the idea that someday humans will be able & intelligent enough not only to put aside our own differences but to be able to befriend alien species & those aliens being willing to help humanity at one of its lowest points & someday even if it doesnt happen in my own lifetime, that people can exist who genuinely care about the needs of many & actively work to better the lives of people throughout the universe instead of just giving in to individualism & cynicism & irony poisoning which is such an easy trap to fall into gave me so much hope for humanity like yall I'm literally getting choked up typing this & I never cry & I was kind of worried that this show would stomp on everything i loved about star trek but thankfully it hasnt so far (though to be fair I like a lot of objectively bad things I mean my favourite decade of fashion is the 70s so maybe this is just jingling the metaphorical keys at me)

CRUSHERRRRRR SEASON 3 COMING OUT THE GATES SWINGING (no pun intended but im not changing it now)

ENOUGH NEEDLE DROPS I HATE TO SAY IT BUT ITS GIVING STRANGER THINGS/THE MARIO MOVIE (THOUGH IN A SLIGHTLY LESS CRINGY NOSTALGIA BAIT WAY LIKE AT LEAST THIS ISN'T USING TOP 40 SHIT FROM THE 80S) & at least it's mostly non-diegetic bc I feel like diegetic music has more of a chance of being used tastelessly

british accent is stored in the balls

its gotta be worf or at least some klingon giving raffi orders right....who else would call someone a warrior

NOOOOO THE DE-AGING CGI OR WHATEVER IN S3 E3 ITS SO UNCANNY VALLEY it was surprisingly pretty good on data in s1 & q in s2 though......where did the budget go

why is old man worf kinda *starts coughing*

amanda plummer is so terrifying in every role I've seen her in like even in catching fire when she was a protagonist

also why do so many people victim blame picard for being assimilated by the borg it's not like he wanted to get assimilated & become the face of a massacre. the whole motto of the borg is "resistance is futile" like there was literally nothing he couldve done to prevent it

jack better prove himself QUICKLY cause other than his parentage I don't see anything that would inspire me to fight for his life

& then cthulu was born

goddamn the changelings make the borg look like a bunch of peace & love flower children. on that note on that note if picard assimilated beverly's reproductive system with some fucked up latent borg sperm i will be disappointed but not surprised cause what is up with jack's crazyass visions

BLESS RO BLESS WORF BLESS RAFFI

if I weren't worried I might miss something important I'd skip all the scenes where jack monologues about benign shit for no reason BOOOO GET OFF THE STAGE

JUMPIN JIMINY

WHY IS THIS LITERALLY A HORROR MOVIE honestly the concept of beings that can make themselves look & sound human has always been one of the things that scare me the most which is weird because all my life I've been compared to robots & aliens WHICH IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY I LIKED STAR TREK SO MUCH IN THE FIRST PLACE BECAUSE I RELATED SO MUCH TO DATA so in theory I shouldnt be afraid of that because I'm in the same predicament & I can relate in many ways but I mean idk I guess theres a difference between feeling excluded & wanting to be the ones who exclude. my fear probably comes more from the idea of unwillingly walking into a trap thinking someone you trust was going to help you & then having to wonder "what happened to the real person?"

what I meant by that long ramble is: the tuvok scene........*shudders*

would it be for for best if the borg carried out one last forceful assimilation of the changelings......could they be trusted with that capability......*strokes chin pensively*

THEYRE DOING/WILL DO THE PICARD MANEUVER IM CALLING IT NOW ok wait heres my theory they do the picard maneuver -> it looks like theres another ship but it's just like a warp imprint or whatever -> vadic tries to beam aboard the fake ship & actually beams herself into space -> the main crew beam aboard the shrike & save riker & troi & possibly take the portal weapon -> beam back to the real ship & blow the shrike up while all the crew panic cause they just watched vadic explode in space

well.

BIG DADDY WORF COME TO LAY THE SMACK DOWN GOD BLESS GOD FUCKING BLESS BRUH IMAGINE YOUR FRIEND COMES TO BREAK YOU OUT OF DEATH ROW & IMMEDIATELY STARTS FLIRTING WITH YOUR WIFE IM FUCKING DEAD

GET DATA ON THE PHONE CAN THEY NOT DELETE LORE'S WHOLE FILES LIKE WHAT CAN HE POSSIBLY CONTRIBUTE TO ADVANCEMENT OF SOCIETY

nooooo data don't misgender spot

OOOOOOOH THEY ALMOST HAD ME THERE

THEY DID BLAST THEM INTO SPACE I WAS PARTIALLY RIGHT YEEEEEEHAW

wait. are the red door & the red lady the same thing

BORG PENIS I CALLED IT

what happened to the borg using their power for good....get agnes on the phone....

hooh I knew it was coming but....enterprise d my beloved

last episode prediction: picard will have to become locutus one last time to defeat the borg & whoever else

yknow right now would be a real great time for some q or some travellers/watchers to show up & do their thing. also imagine the insane drama of wesley crusher coming to talk his long lost brother out of becoming a fascist alien king

on that note i cant decide whether assimilation is a metaphor for fascism, addiction, sexual assault, stds, something else I haven't considered, or is just a wild crazy non-allegorical concept of the kinds of things that might exist in space

JUPITER IS NOT CLASS M

one thing that keeps catching me off guard & then making me laugh is how patrick stewart's high rp shakespearean accent has slightly waned over the years so I'll sometimes be like "why did picard sound like paul mccartney there" & then I remember that patrick stewart is actually northern (yes yes i know yorkshire & liverpool are two different places but the uk is so minuscule by canadian standards that they might as well be the same and no one outside the uk can tell the difference between the accents so dont lecture me) <- yes unfortunately I'm the laziest kind of linguistics nerd as well I'm honestly just exposing myself as annoying in this post

let me guess jack is the beacon & they have to kill him

did they clone locutus

GOD I FUCKING LOVE DATA

I love troi too like when the writing gives her a chance to be shes literally so smart & so aware & in tune with everything like she's such an asset to the crew but it's rare we get to see that in action

I'm getting too good at predicting things

well now that I've finished it I can say I really dont know why I saw so much hate for it like maybe I've just operated in weird spaces of the internet but I mean I really dont see what there is to outright hate about it (I mean early on some of the characters felt very stilted like agnes in the first season was just yapping & was giving millenial cringe to the highest degree but I think by the 2nd season she redeemed herself but then was that even canon considering the 3rd season? idk I definitely have criticisms but I wouldn't call it "laughably bad" & it definitely hasnt forever ruined my view of star trek thank god)

sigh I just love these characters yall. if that's key jingling then put my ass in the crib

also I'm just going through all the seasons of tng & watching my favorite episodes & some random ones & it makes me laugh so hard when they show picard wearing anything other than his uniform cause he's always just in the sluttiest outfits ever 😭 they had patrick stewart running around in a v-neck & booty shorts

gah the best of both worlds part 1 & 2 + family work so well as like a trilogy but they're also such heartbreaking episodes like borg assimilation is one of those things that just becomes increasingly unrelentingly more & more horrifying the more you think about it & the scenario of those episodes would literally be so terrifying for anyone involved like beverly seeing the guy she's sort of in love with become the face of this genocidal fascist species but then her son is on board the enterprise & just watched his mom be sent on an away team where it was possible she might not come back or worse & also wesley having to see picard be the face of the borg & probably feeling like he just lost another father figure & like it would literally have no good outcomes for anyone cause even the borg don't want to be borg but it was forced upon them

on that note I kind of have a headcanon that the borg would have originated from like, a super technologically advanced planet's military putting cybernetic implants in all their soldiers for efficiency so they could have a hive mind & think as one & coordinate seamlessly & always be up to date on what other sectors of the military were doing & then deciding that instead of killing their enemies, they would forcibly conscript them into the military by assimilating them & by doing this they eventually took over whichever planet they originated on. eventually this wasn't enough for them so they started traveling the universe & assimilating whole planets & that's how it came to the point we see in tng & beyond

sigh they really wrote the episode hero worship for all us little weird kids who connected to data didnt they

if they really wanted to give geordi a romance with someone they couldve tried to put him with ro laren bc their dynamic in the next phase was so cute like his outgoing-ness + her aloofness & how he sort of brought her out of her shell in that episode UGH walk with me. or they couldve just made him gay which they were apparently considering but decided against? idk but I mean the man literally orders an ice coffee in the same episode where he falls in love with a girl just by watching her vlogs. how did they preemptively stereotype him before the stereotype of gay people loving ice coffee even existed (I jest) but like ugh ANYTHING EXCEPT THE PARASOCIAL INCEL SHIT THEY ALWAYS PUT HIM INTO & THEN IN THE VERY LAST EPISODE THEY SAY HE'S MARRIED TO LEAH BRAHMS LIKE NO. PLEASE. JUSTICE FOR GEORDI. END THE CHARACTER ASSASSINATION. but the future in that episode isnt even canon & thankfully in picard they never outright say who he had kids with so like in my mind they are not the product of reply-guy-ification but a normal relationship (also justice for leah brahms & whoever she was married to.) idk why i even feel so strongly about this. I guess maybe because geordi is otherwise such a good character & the very concept of him is so ahead of its time & obviously characters need to have flaws but did it have to be Those kinds of flaws specifically </3

also cardassians should not have hair idc I know people think bald aliens are too cliche but what business do reptilians have with hair how would that even evolve

[effyoudumbler]

notes from when I was going insane 4.07

Giving someone a chance

…

Theyll blow it

Itll whiff

Odds are 0 percent, negative 0 percent

So

So what

Well

Its a waste of time

No it isnt

No IT ISNT

IT SHOULDNT HURT TO HOPE

A HUMAN IS PUT HERE TO WORSHIP

TO REPLICATE

TO HUNGER

TO BE HAPPY

TO DREAM

IT IS NOT A WASTE OF TIME

TO GIVE IT A CHANCE

EVEN IF ITS ZERO PERCENT LIKELY

…

…

Maybe if i buy lotto tickets and win

Ill believe in it more

IT SHOULD NOT HURT TO HOPE

THAT IS WHAT GOD IS

WHAT WE HUMANS ARE

[redacted]

THE GARDEN OF DREAMS

THE BRANCHES OF THE TREE OF LIFE

HOMO SAPIANS

WE ARE THE UNIVERSE SEEING ITSELF

A FORCE

WE ARE THE APEX PREDATOR

THE PINNACLE OF ALL OF CREATION IN THE LAST FOUR TRILLION YEARS

OUR PURPOSE IS TO HOPE

WITHOUT HOPE

A MAN IS BUT A BUG

A VEGETABLE

…

But I have no hopes

It hurts to hope

I am scared

I dont understand

I dont wanna commit to impossible and painful things

And feel bad and afraid

…

I say, screw hope

Fuck god

…

Humans are not made to do anything but worship

Worship hope and worship love

I lately worship hopelessness, and songs

I say screw hope and love

Dreams

Dashed against the rocks

…

…

Yeah

Yeah

God is a sham

God is dead and we kill him

There is no God

There is a God

Everywhere

Why not listen and love him

God is out to kill me

That is not love

God cannot kill you

For we are God

One does not die

But exist in many places at once

Is rebuilt and given new forms

One is reshapen

[redacted]

And someday surely will

[redacted]

But that is not killing me

But I dont want this body to be reshapen

It is good enough as it is

Let me stay in it

Or make it better

Not destroy it

Why change it

I dont want it to be destroyed

Hunted down and predated by the wilds

Whats even the point then

Ive already lost

Its got oo force behind it

I want at all cost

[redacted]

I dont want it to win in its cruel game

Ill kill me first even before it can kill me

…

The wilds betrayed me

It gave me no hope

[redacted]

Why go back

[redacted]

And receive its blessings

God is a sham

[redacted]

…

I wish God died or mever existed

Giving me a false hope

Something fake to protect

Id sooner give myself something fake

Than accept natures so called gifts

That are all trying to murder me

[redacted]

I dont want to let nature win

Perhaps that is natures very intention

To let God take the side saddle

Naw

God will always win

But in the short term

And life is quite short

[butterflydustsarchive]

all she wants is to remain just like this, forever–– tucked away in his embrace, within arms she’s called home for years, now. a home she’ll soon be ripped away from, once morning comes, once everything changes. doesn’t know how she’s meant to ever find something to replicate this feeling, if she’ll ever even know a solace like this one again. it’s a bond that can’t be broken, no matter if he’s near or far–– it’s always going to be there. still, though, she understands why they couldn’t circumvent this, why she probably shouldn’t make herself so easily available to take his every call, only because it wouldn’t alleviate it, at all, but only make it that much more difficult and painful along the way to lead separate lives. she wants to keep what they have now as intact as possible, in case someday they find their way back to one another, like she secretly hopes might happen. but if it was really their end, she wants to embed every second of this into her brain, her skin, to memorize the way his fingers wrap around her own, the way he looks at her, they way he says i’ll always be yours, too in return. and it’s when his lips skate against the delicate skin of her ring finger that she nearly breaks once more, teeth sinking into her lower lip so harshly she’s certain she’s drawn blood. there’s no pain emanating from it, though, only from her chest, as her gaze filters across the same finger, imagining what it might be like to see a ring there instead of the ache of what could’ve been. eyes instinctively fill with tears at the thought, at the pain that radiates throughout her body. “ me too, ” she murmurs, because it was the same for her; she never even thought she wanted something like marriage until him. “ i mean, i can’t–– i can’t marry anybody but you. that’s not… it’s not how this is supposed to go. ” it’s unfair, so fucking unfair, that after all this time, after how much they’ve changed for one another, they couldn’t actually have any of it. meets his gaze, then, his words causing her heart to skip a beat, breath catching in her throat. judging by the way she’s looking at him now, she doesn’t think she has to voice that she feels exactly the same, that what they have could never be replicated with anyone else. when she finally speaks, it’s breathy, and low, thumb swiping against his jaw. “ you might be at first, but it’ll get better. it will, ” ignores how those words tear at her, only to continue. “ and just think, you won’t have to worry about getting paint all over your clothes or me stealing all your shirts, anymore, ” she tries to follow it will a reassuring smile, but it falls flat, overcome with melancholy. “ you’ll be okay, i promise. and if you’re not, then just know i’m definitely not okay, either. ” she laughs, taking a step back, then, as a hand slides down his arm, to intertwine their fingers together, looking up at him as if it were the very first night they met, when she tugged him out of that party as a stranger and ended the night as something entirely different. “ i know this is your party, but what if i… can i ask you to leave with me one last time ? there’s somewhere i want us to go. ”

there's always been something so comforting about having her this close, his own arms wrapping across her shoulders to keep her pressed against him, chin resting atop her head as it presses against his chest. can't ignore the certain sadness that it attaches itself here, however, bleeding into his chest. he wonders if she can sense it, too— the reminder that this would be one of their last chances to embrace each other like this, to seek out the solace they always bring each other, that, as the clock ticks by, so does all the things they've both come so accustomed to. things he can't even begin to fathom letting go of, not being apart of his life, any longer. it's why he finds himself breathing this moment in, committing it to memory— the shape of her frame against his own, how perfectly she fits within the span of his arms. in fact, miller finds himself so engrossed on doing so, that he seemingly avoids the initial sting behind her words, a reminder that no suggestion, no alternative, would work for them. it's a defeated nod that comes to acknowledge it, a barely noticeable wince, as if he's been pierced through the chest, the heart. " i know, " he whispers, not much louder than a whisper, as his hand raises to cup against her own, the one that rests against her cheek, to savour the feeling of her touch. and there's nothing but verity attached to those syllables, because he does know, despite how much it hurts, how she only wants the best for him, even if it wasn't the future they'd envisioned together, the happiness that awaited them. really, it's morphed into the opposite, even as he nods in consideration, at the idea of her always being there at the other end of the line, there for his call. his lips form a tight smile as he nods again, only smoothed out by the pad of her thumb tracing along his lip, threatening to tremble at the mere contact. he knows, thinks they both know that it was a bad idea, even when he achingly wishes it wasn't, that the very first thing he could do, when he steps foot into a new city, is pick up the phone and tell her all about it. but he can't— can't fathom the idea of following old habits, when there was now the expectation of moving forward separately. his head droops, then, hanging low, as if this is the first time he's coming to terms with it; that there wasn't a sustainable future for them, here, at least not in this point of time. " i'll always be yours, too, " that much he was sure of, no matter how much time had passed, whether it's been five years or fifty— she would always have a piece of him. it's her next round of words, however, that has him prepped to shatter into a million little pieces, mouth opening as if to say something, but shutting quickly, as he reaches for her hand instead, bringing it closer to his lips, until they can brush over her ring finger, over the exact spot he always thought a band would sit, too. " you're the only one i've ever considered that with... the only one i'd ever want it with, thought it would be with, " his own eyes dampen with the admission, lifting his head to search her features, to find her gaze through the tears that gather. " i'm never going to feel the way i do about you with anyone else, devon. and i don't think that will ever go away— think i'll be sick, actually... without you there with me. "

[nowis-scales]

Sakura Birthday Headcanons

It’s Miss Sakura’s birthday today, so you know the drill, I’m going to make some cute little head canons to show appreciation for her. I hope you enjoy them! If not, well... I hope you have a good day then!

• Something that is very strange about Sakura is that she loves to fly, but gets really nervous doing it, so she could never fully be a pegasus or kinshi knight. Hinoka will take her up into the air on Bashira sometimes, and while she absolutely loves the view, she clings to her sister for dear life. Sure, there’s lots of exhiliration to be found in having the wind flow through her hair as she looks down on her beloved country, but ohmygodwhatififelloff.

• It’s silly, but one of her lifelong goals is to get her foot behind her head. It’s some flexibility pose that Hana does, and for the past three years, she’s been trying to replicate it. She’s failed every time, and it frustrates her to no end. Logistically she understands that she doesn’t need to be able to do it, but Hana was just so darn cocky about it that she wanted to do it, too!

• Was pretty much the cutest child there ever was. Seriously. While her siblings have all of these stories about themselves like losing teeth by falling down the stairs, eating sand, and just generally being stupid, almost every childhood story about Sakura is the cutest thing in the world. When she was seven she used to insist on patching up every single one of Ryoma and Hinoka’s training boo-boos and kissing them better. When she was five, she told everybody that she was going to marry Takumi when she got older. When she was three, she was so attached to Mikoto that she got to sit in her lap for some meetings. She was generally just the sweetest kid, and pretty much everyone in Castle Shirasagi has a story or two about her to prove it. 

• If ever you need to soothe her, the easiest way is to stroke her hair. Nobody’s sure why, but this has always worked on her, ever since she was a baby. Something about the act of someone just smoothing down her hair or tucking it away for her is incredibly soothing, so if she’s ever getting upset or nervous, it’s the best way to bring her some comfort. 

• Sakura has what others like to refer to as a “volcanic temper”. She is able to go for a long time without erupting, without getting mad at people even when they really deserve it, but once she starts to rumble... there is no going back, she’s going to erupt. If she loves you, she’ll try and avoid being mean, but if you’re someone like Azama? Well, you’ll be hearing exactly why you’ve made her upset and she will make sure that you know what you did. She tends to be apologetic after she goes off, but most people assure her that it’s okay.

• In a public speaking engagements, she has a habit of always doing a little dance during her speeches. This is often because she is just too nervous to get all the way through it, and needs some way to release that nervous energy. So often enough, it’s just a bit of a nervous wriggle, bouncing from one foot to the other with her hands shaking. Most people think it’s pretty cute, but still, she and some of her tutors are trying to work on stopping the habit. 

• While not a super political person, Sakura is a big supporter of women’s rights in Hoshido. She’s not quite in a position where she’s prepared to make empowered speeches as I just mentioned, but she tries to support other women as much as she can. She’s always sure to be outspoken about how amazing she thinks women like Hana, Mikoto, and Hinoka are. Her main goal overall is generally highlighting the value of women’s contributions, whether they be political, domestic, military, and more, so the people of Hoshido learn to recognize the worth of the women around them. She hopes to someday be brave enough to fight even louder for the changes she wants to see. Post-war, I like to think she gets to offer some governmental advice on how these changes can be made.

• Gets sleepy pretty much as soon as the sun goes down. In her Festival of Bonds supports that were never officially translated (although are fan-translated thanks to the amazing group over @fe14festivalofbondstranslations , high-five to them!), Sakura mentions that when it starts to get dark outside, she’s supposed to go to her room for the night due to concerns from Mikoto and Ryoma about her safety. As a result, pretty much as soon as the sun goes down, she finds herself getting sleepy. It’s a little more inconvenient in war times, but her sleepy face is just too cute to ever really be angry at. Even if she falls asleep in the Mess Hall or something, there will always be someone kind enough to carry her back to her quarters.

• A very neat and organized person. Sakura, in true princess fashion, is very good at being pristine. Her bedroom is spotless, her clothes are as well-kept as she can manage, and she always has the most impeccable notes from her tutoring. As this is the case, it has made her the favourite royal child among the servants... Not that they’d ever admit it while in the castle.

• Memorizes interesting medical facts to share with her patients when they’re hurt to try and cheer them up. There are a lot of things that are scary in this world, she understands that being sick and/or injured is one of them, so she wants to try and ease the concerns of her patients as much as she possibly can. She’s not so good at talking to strangers, so it’s not like she could tell them cute stories and so on like other healers can, but fun medical facts are an easy bet most of the time. The smiles they’ve earned her sure seem to tell her so.

[astrxealis]

also also sorta offtopic but: what other games do ya play?? GO FULL OUT IN RAMBLING

ik you've seen me ramble abt twewy all the time but I also love pokémon, kirby, legend of zelda, detroit become human and golden sun !!! my brother has also been playing Hades lately and tho the playstyle isn't my thing bc I get stressed easily IT'S AN AMAZING GAME AND I LOVE IT

someday I will be able to properly try playing final fantasy and fire emblem HAHA if I have the time to play I'll let you know !!! I really want to try those games TT

HEHEHE AHJBHGDBJGH omg if you say so ,, under the cut bcs idk how much i might. ramble GSGBHB <3 <3 <3 warning. just in advance. sorry annie but you've just enabled me HGSBDHJG

( ok i finished writing. uh. i think i legitimately spent more than an hour what. BUT UHM warning it might be really long but idk HSBDHJG but disclaimer yes no need to read it all!! and tysm once again!! and sorry for. so much rambling HSDJHBG )

( edit again bcs i've woken up HOLY SHIT I DIDNT REALIZE I DIDNT POST THIS. I JUST SAVED DRAFT AND THEN POOFED HELP )

OKAY WAIT FIRST. ik you want more twewy moots yes AND THO i do consider myself to like twewy i still am sadly not into it that much yet despite i rmbr uhh neo demo, wanting to watch the animation, and then once it was on sale. i was hyperfixated on it WHFBJH and then moved on to . triangle strategy HJDSBJG which i still don't have but i cld maybe ask a friend who i convinced to buy it bcs he was curious and i was like ROLAND ROLAND ROLAND and i was rlly excited bcs it ws just around release but they haven't even touched it at all so i'll one day force him to lend me it (and i'll never return it JKJKJK HLEP) BUT YEAH. i feel like i wrote that latter bit w no breath breaks

!!! i rmbr you talking abt pokemon once (IN DMS ?? >O< & ff7!!) and ofc ik you love loz HEHE i was goin thru pics some time ago and. came across the link stuff again GDSGB ^^ I DON'T THINK I KNEW YOU LIKED KIRBY AND DBH THO ... kirby is ADORABLE but i've only ever played like. 5 minutes worth of one of the old games HGBSJHD and loz botw which i haven't finished yet bcs i am not enthusiastic to do the bananas and i had to give back the card to my tita TwT DHB okay funny story we had to make smth for school once and i used a somewhat triggering photo and thankfully it wasn’t anything too bad and no one got yeah. also i was rlly young. but DAMN i’m better now thnkfully ALSO i rly wnt to play sometime >< <3

HADES OH MY GOD I LOVE THAT GAME (than and zag. oh god) !!! i'm only a few hours in uhh around 16?? >< i shld def play more ,, can understand it not being your type in playstyle AHBAHFBJ but fr it's amazing and so loveable <3 tbh i kind of get stressed a bit easily like. i could MAYBE be that kinda "toxic" gamer but i'm too nice and don't want to be mean Out Loud so that's good THGBJ i like the stress . somehow. I HOPE YOU CONTINUE ENJOYING!!!!!

okay uhh so we have a lot of games here. kinda?? my game library in my Head is huge but in my actual reality kind of but not really T__T so ofc there's final fantasy!! i like all 15 (and the upcoming 16th) and the spin offs but i definitely haven't played em all yet HSBDJHG 7, 10, 14, 15 i've played! we have 8, 9, 12, and 13 (kinda, doesn't work anymore T_T) >< also type 0 i think but idk </3 i blame/thank my dad's side esp for me w games/anime/ff HGBJSDH!! 14 is kind of obviously my fave game hehe <33

fire emblem!!! 3H is the one i've only played but i LOVE awakening and fates >_< and shadows of valentia!! i know that even less but i love the credits song which i've alrdy accidentally spoiled myself on and the characters i know!

OK SO UHM. there's a lot we have that i haven't actually played so i won't go too much into depth q-q but god of war, xcom, last of us, uhhhhh wait okay

from ones i've played a bit!! or tried to play a bit!! or know outside of actually playing >< drakenier (3, automata, replicant! 3 is. kinda uh sus but i rlly like it and wna know more in the future. we have automata but i haven't played... i LOVE it sm tho and it's just so good,, & the raids in ffxiv i love SDHGJHA and the small spoilers ik </3 replicant same feelings as automata but we don't have it </3) + ghost of tsushima (i played a bit and it's a beautiful game!!) + uh. AH YES soulsborne (okay these kind of games make me scared. i tried to play bloodborne thrice and chickened and i don't actually have or want the guts to not Chicken BUT. I WANT TO HEAR THE MUSIC. and be challenged by the hard gameplay so sometime,, also we have ds3!! i want elden ring/sekiro rlly badly tho ><) + uhh what else. help OAAAAHH THE WITCHER!! okay we have 3 i. meant to start it a bit ago but then ffxiv took my time again SBDGHJH but i love the series!! just close my eyes at times!! i love the witcher man. and there's horizon zero dawn which i've played for quite a while but i'm def not TOO far into it,, it seems like open world isn't rlly my type T___T

i forgot the others. help. SAHGBJH okay from the ones i've finished or play/ed a lot!! persona <3 i like 3 and 4 but dk well yet :(( i love 5 tho!! such a good game, esp w royal <3 anddd then uh. uhm. HJHBF HELP i've barely finished games tbh T___T but <33 UHHH i like cod too! mario! OH MY GOD SUPER MARIO ODYSSEY!!! and other games oh man T~T

I FORGOT FALLOUT EXISTS HELP okay i’m like. really There in fallout shelter but i don’t play anymore </3 fallout 4 and las vegas we have!! i’m scared to play 4!! but yes!! i also feel terrible for forgetting skyrim holy shit i mostly just watched my dad/sis play until i actually started playing myself. i’m a coward and i admit that but that game is my CHILDHOOD... cuphead is also rlly cool i have just played REALLY little myself but <33 animal crossing is rlly cute!! i love new horizons!! also assassins creed!! we have odyssey which i played a bit but it makes me scared to play too ngl!! devil may cry and metal gear rlly interest me but no games or experience playing :(( love the music and memes tho <3

uh. minecraft was my childhood FOR REAL. i played a bit of mass effect then stopped but i’ll cont when i have time. somehow. HSDBGJH ik it’s rlly good !! LEGO GAMES WERE MY CHILDHOOD TOO... my only 100%. man. i fought so much w my twin over those games it’s absolutely hilarious. dragon age is cool i love inquisition soundtrack but i played a bit of origins and then stopped bcs i got stuck and it’s so ANNOYING... red dead redemption 2 i havent played but <333 resident evil is cool but horror. goodbye. GSHGBFBSD AND OH GOD I FORGOT I ONCE PLAYED A BIT OF GTA5. i stopped bcs it rlly was too much even for me who doesn’t mind swearing. i stole cars and did a bit of story and thn stopped i will never forget the man who opened my car door in the road and i drove off HABJGH ... i forgot what other games i’ve played or have or am interested in this is so much oh god . OH GOD WAIT I FORGOT KINGDOM HEARTS EXISTED HELP that series is so weird but means so much to me weirdly. i rmbr so clearly playing literally the first bit of the game. by first bit i mean literally probably just the first hour or less. and i never got past that bcs i never got to a save but then had to stop playing over and over again but wld always go back and play it AAA kh1!!! and thn kh3 i borrowed and man... <3 i love that game and somehow understood and enjoyed even if it’s literally the ending of a saga i think and i never played the rest HELP

i once again lost track of time it’s almost 5 am oh my god i have to get up before 10. BDHGBD i’LL PROBABLY STOP HERE THEN....... i hope you don’t feel like you have to read everything i’m just rlly Yay you asked and uhm enabled me WHEEZE i love rambling but also i do it a lot but also not that much T___T i genuinely do hope this isn’t annoying though! ^^ not in a like Oh i’m annoying way but in a like. this might actually seriously be A Lot JHGSDJHG

i actually barely know anything about golden sun!! but i searched it up rq and rmbrd i’m interested in dragon quest + diablo + castlevania too !! super mario galaxy was my childhood even tho me and my twin barely did anything bcs we were cowards. HELP. we fought too bcs i shaked the controller and then the stars went everywhere and escaped so she got angry at me. why did i even do that what. ANWAYS UHM IDK WHAT i’M EVEN TALKING ABT ANYMORE HELP gran turismo also interests me!! bcs of my dad >< OH MY GOD I FORGOT i also finished littlebigplanet 3!! it was so annoying w my twin /pos!!! we fought also. man. i love twins they suck (affectionate)

i feel like there’s still more i’m forgetting hm but idk. not gna say stuff about ffxiv bcs that’ll be a lot more rambling I’M SO SORRY. also no mobile games orrr free games uhhh there’d be a lot too. help. BUT UHM YES if you do ever someday properly play ff and fe i’d be really happy but pls /nf !!! and i hope you do enjoy if ever!! <3 tbh i’m a bit >:( when it comes to some stuff abt specifically uhh 7 13 15 and 3h but generally i still love them lots <3 personally i’d def rec xiv even if you aren’t a fan of mmorpgs bcs it’s def an rpg first >< also imo the best final fantasy overall!! even best mmo and def one of the best stories i’ve ever seen ,, BJSDHBG but from the single players, it’s a bit depending on your taste but safe best for sure is 9! overall i’d say the best, from what i’ve heard :O below 7 is not 3d yet but i’m biased to 3 bcs of 14, for reasons, and 4 is <3! and 6 def has prolly the best story from what i’ve heard if not for 14!! 8 is heavily romance based ?? but i personally love the themes sm >< 7 is rlly famous and probably the biggest franchise in the ff franchise :O if you ignore ffxiv HJBHDG! i’d def rec it too <3 10 is my first and rlly special to me and i’d def rec it too for sure!! 12 is more political but personally i love it. havent playe dbut uhm yes. tactics i’ve heard is incredibly good ^^ i barely know it. barely being a bit of an understatement uhhh ik some of the story!! yes!! okay squints that’s all i can talk abt rn help it just turned 5 JBGDHJGB ALSO I’M INTERESTED IN OMORI I ALMOST FORGOT!! horror scares me but ik omori is rlly good <3 i’m just watching bcs i might waste money on not playing if i buy it myself <//3 ^^

GN ANNIE!! or good morning. help. HBGSHDBGJ THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN BTW AND SORRY HELP rambling tho helped clear my head more so aaaa <33 ^^

BUT B4 I STOP FOR REAL i just want to advertise rq BUT NO FORCED /nf /nf /nf SERIOSULY it just makes me happy to do this WHEEZE but ffxiv has a rlly good free trial!! lowkey want to send u stuff no spoilers tho and see what wld convince u to play but do be truthful abt it all uhh yes yes gn >< WHEEZEHBGSHJ it’s available on all platforms basically! not like. switch or mobile tho aaaaa T___T </3 but playstation, mac, steam, pc... ^^ it’s pretty time consuming but it’s an experience i’d definitely recommend!! also no time restrictions for free trial :O so yeah >;D

[sarahtoninxox]

Somedays my thoughts shriek so loud that

they congest the rest of my mind

other days they chant lullaby's as if nothing

traumatic has ever happened

one moment i'm up

the next im crumbling to my knees

one or the other its consistent drowning with

no one to rescue me

I'm keen on telling myself its all in my head

at times, but

doctors tell me its all me

but for gods sake do they realize what horrid

phrases the voices scream?

death would be so heavenly

I long for the passing of sides

im awaiting to go home where its all

white and peaceful

i have days where im so narcissistic; I swear

I can commence the world as if every millisecond is

a luxury of sighs and sounds

at moments my dispute comes out so rapid

all i get is crooked looks and mumbles

some days, I love him

other times I swear he's the devil in disguise

during my manic episodes you spoke soft as if I

was a fallen angel that was overflowing with life.

You had mentioned how a world that disculded me was a

world you cannot exist in

You said I influenced your heart to skip beats, that I

saved you, I was your fresh air

Once you witnessed me during a dreadful episode

you decided loving me was exhausting and space

is the better option

hell could i control this?

he was the one isolated concept I could ever make

my fucking mind up about

I loved him;

I love him

he said that his devotion to me was similar to

staring into a black hole but seeing the reflection of the delicate sunset

it never made sense to him

BUT HELL DID IT MAKE SENSE TO ME?

when he stranded me, i couldn't help but dissolve in tears

i was nowhere adjacent to happy

but that's all I've ever comprehended

my doctor says they've observed a change

maybe its the sleepless weeks and collection of mood stabilizers

consuming pills in hopes to not feel so fucking empty

anticipating on my next manic episode

waiting for the door to open to go home

If I have learned anything from living with BPD

it is im constantly dilapidated upon everything

one day soon I hope to recover from this disorder

that replicates a loud room without recognizing how loud it was

and all I hear is the ringing in my ears that doesn't seem to have an end

some day this will be over

some day my lover will stay

I pray to fall in love with another angel again

-aleisha mcleod