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sukirichi · 4 years ago

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reckless [01.]

With a lackadaisical playboy as your boss, being reckless wasn’t an option. But on the one time you let loose and made mistakes, your life is shattered, and now you’re playing house with your insufferable boss who is the father of your baby.

✘ cw. explicit smut, accidental pregnancy, playboy! gojo, slight angst

✘ note. dedicated to wifey @7tsumurai who also made the banner and always supports me and showers me with love aaaa i love you baby <3 also this fic is mostly romance and fluff so i hope you enjoy this as much as i did writing it! thank you to @chosonore for pr-ing UWU. and we get like...10-15 chapters of this?!

one ✘ two ✘ three

You shouldn’t be doing this.

The night was young; streaks of gold flashing with the shimmering jewellery collared on your neck, the romantic humming of the violins pairing perfectly with the champagne that fizzed in your hand. It was supposed to be another day at work where you accompanied your boss to one of his events, considering the Casanova refused to bring his girlfriends in fear they might get the wrong idea he liked them outside the bed. It should be just another day at work; you’ve accompanied him hundreds of times before. Today wasn’t any different.

And yet it was.

You blamed it on the alcohol. On the slow dancing. On the fact he hadn’t stopped complimenting you all night and you’d been so stressed, the amount of planning and sleepless nights sacrificed in exchange of preparing for this event made you grab for three more flutes, the touch of your undeniable attractive boss permanent on your waist.

Satoru was equally aggravated. You’d worked him long enough to recognize even the smallest of cues, and the fact you’d spend nearly every hour of the day working with him for weeks straight in the office let you know he needed to let off some steam.

And what better way to relieve both of your tensions if not to give in to the cloud of lust?

The sultry gazes, the clashing perfumes between rose and musk, and the alcohol – the fucking alcohol – that gave way to you succumbing to your desire just this once.

There were no more thoughts – or if there were, they were muddled – as you kissed him back just as passionately, forgetting the fact his stylist spent an hour gelling his hair back to perfection as your eager fingers traced over his scalp. How you ended up in the back of limousine was beyond you, and neither was it your biggest concern when Satoru insisted you kept your heels on; his large hands caressing all the way from the ankle pressed beside his waist up to your waist.

You felt his daft fingers move the lacy thong you wore especially for tonight (not because you expected something, but the boost in confidence felt necessary) before he slides inside almost too easily.

Both your gasps and moans are swallowed in the stuffy compartment, windows fogged saved for the handprint you’d left when he hit a sensitive spot. He was moaning in your neck, skin slippery and sweaty as you slid from one another, seemingly never staying from one place as your hands treaded through his hair down to rake your nails on his back; his touch angry on your hips before his thumb found home in your clit.

As much as you hated him, hated his reputation, you couldn’t deny he really earned his title for being an absolute god in sex. You were no virgin, but you’d never felt this good, never felt this alive as bruises began to form in your skin and his lips hungrily sought out yours.

“S-Sir...”

“Satoru,” he corrected through your lips, the kiss barely even one when you were too busy moaning left and right. Satoru hitched your leg up to fold it right beside your waist, allowing him to explore deeper territories that not even you could mark.

His stare on you is perverted; openly wanton as he lets his empyrean gaze snake down to where your bodies connected. It was embarrassing to be this spread wide open for him, though it didn’t matter much, not when you clutched onto his bicep for dear life and panted breathlessly. He was kissing you everywhere – smearing your lipstick all over your lips and his, a stain of red on his hard, white collar and love bites marked deep into your collarbones and under your breasts. You tightened around him once he changed his rhythm into a more sensual one; the quick pace replaced with him pulling out slowly – inch by delicious inch until you felt empty with each growing second – before slamming back inside with fervidity that he never quite possessed behind his desk.

He groaned at your walls clenching down on him, his hips stuttering in the process. “Call me Satoru.”

“Satoru,” you moaned out, and his next sounds were pained. Pained because you sounded too gorgeous, felt too good, and with you following his hips thrust by thrust, neither of you would last any longer. Not even as you shake your head, lips swollen as you remind him, “We shouldn’t be doing this.”

“We shouldn’t,” he agreed with a curled lip, sweat beading from the streaks of his white hair. “But I want you – god, you’re so beautiful tonight. Need to fuck you good—”

Gojo Satoru, one of the most eligible bachelors in the entire South East Asia and ranked as the second richest man in his early twenties, was a man of his word despite his reputation. Just as he was praised and fawned over for his beauty, charisma, and power, he was equally hated for breaking the hearts of women and treating his past ‘lovers’ like they were objects. The news were so confident of it; that he fooled them, played around with them, but behind the scenes, you knew Satoru wouldn’t do such a thing – from the first time he laid his eyes on someone, he made it extremely clear they were not to be attached. Everything with him was physical and sensual – anything beyond that would simply be out of character.

You weren’t surprised that he really did keep his word and fuck you good, because you couldn’t feel your legs the next morning and even though it had been hours, you still very much felt the shape of him carve through you.

The bastard wouldn’t stop laughing, of course, snickering under his breath every now and then each time he saw you grimace from doing simple things such as standing up and giving him the files he asked for. Perhaps it was because your dislike for him was apparent that Satoru quickly went back to fooling around, pretending you didn’t exist and only approaching you when need be. There were still moments you had to clean his mess up for him; taking his drunken phone calls at 3am because he got wasted in a bar, or doing the same for his current sex buddy who he didn’t want to stay in his home.

He was terrible, terribly awful that you despised this part of him.

You were only grateful enough that neither of you brought that night up ever again, for no matter how immensely hellish of an experience it had been, it was also something you’d really rather not be reminded of.

But now, there was no more running away from it. The truth stared at you blatantly in the form of two white lines that had appeared four times already from previous tests.

You were pregnant.

The world had never been that heavy on you. You had a rough upbringing, but it was a household filled with love and patience that it was innate in your nature to keep strong, be levelled, continue moving forward even during the times it felt like everyone and everything was going against you. You’d been through so much worse and you can do this, but you still couldn’t stop the tears that pushed from your eyes, your heart shattering the same time you dropped the stick.

“No, we won’t cry, it’s okay. I can handle this – I’m strong,” you repeated to yourself like a mantra, taking deep breaths to stabilize yourself. Clearly, this was unexpected, but you wanted to do your best, had to do your best. You didn’t have time to lose your composure, so you quickly fished your phone out your purse to dial the person you trusted the most.

“Rei...?”

Your best friend picked up on the second dial. “Sweetheart, where have you been?! I’ve been calling you for like hours now and you’re not picking up, I heard you called in sick for work and you never do that even when you’re about to pass out!” Some shuffling could be heard from the background before she spoke again, her tone a lot more gentle in response to your muted sniffles. “Is there something going on? Do you need me to drop by there right now? Tell me what you need; I’ll be there right away.”

“No, no, Rei, it’s fine, I just...”

“Sweetie,” she sighed, “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

You nodded even though she couldn’t see it. Rei had been there for you in everything, starting from when you newly arrived in the city; fresh-eyed and hopeful for new opportunities. She’d been there when you first complained your boss was a creepy flirt, all the way until you’d made peace with said boss and remained firm in your boundaries. But those boundaries had clearly been crossed – no, rather, you erased those boundaries. You were drunk enough to give in to the need to be touched, but sober enough to consent to everything that happened. You couldn’t place this all on him.

“I’m pregnant,” you said eventually, voice barely above a whisper as you added, “And Satoru’s the father.”

Rei stopped munching on her – you assume – bagel.

“Satoru? Gojo Satoru, your boss, bonafide casanova, the face on billboards and one of the most “eligible” bachelors in the country, billionaire Gojo Satoru?” she let out in one breath, the image of her flipping her hand out in the air in disbelief as clear as day. “Am I really hearing this right? I’m not going crazy, am I?”

You sighed.

“We were drunk. I slept with him.”

“Did that bastard force himself on you?”

“No, gosh, never,” you defended with widened eyes, sitting back down on the toilet with the lid now closed. You couldn’t look at the tests even if you dared yourself to, the plastic bag concealed in the garbage or else you’d feel sick all over again. “I-I wanted it too...we just got carried away and the night was just...I don’t know. I don’t know what came over me and why I did that, but there’s no point in fretting about it because I’m carrying his baby now.”

“Well,” she started unsurely, “What are you going to do?”

“I’m keeping it. There’s no way I would even consider abortion.”

“But what about him?”

The back of your head throbbed in pain. Just thinking about his stupidly handsome face made you want to throw up once more. “I don’t really want to tell him, but he has a right to know that he’s going to be a father.”

“Will he even take responsibility for it?”

You swallowed nervously, nibbling on your thumbnails before snatching your hand away. Composure was something you didn’t struggle with; you were the more reliable one in the duo of you and Satoru, but you had a bad habit of picking on your nails whenever you were anxious. Had it not been for Satoru flicking your nails away from your mouth each time you dazed out a little bit, you would’ve never gotten rid of the habit, but it all came crashing back down on you in an instant.

A heavy knot formed in your belly.

“Most likely not, I know how he’s like. He loves his single life so much that he’d never allow to be tied down like this. I wouldn’t even be surprised if he tells me he doesn’t want it.”

“What an asshole!”

“Yeah, he is, but I don’t need him in my life,” you reinstated, finally feeling more confident the longer you talked to Rei. She was your instant hype machine in more ways than one; her presence itself gave you the reassurance you could handle everything your way. With hope blooming in your chest, you picked yourself of the toilet and wiped away your tears. You could do this – you can handle this. Not just for you, but this baby growing in you as well.

“In our life. I’m more than capable of taking care of the baby myself,” you told her, gaze hard and determined as your sunken reflection stared back at you in the mirror. Sighing, you shook your head and pictured Satoru’s face, already picturing a thousand ways this could go wrong. Only one way to find out.

“I have to go now. He needs to hear about this and then I’ll resign. Probably move back home – anywhere that’s away from him.”

“Doesn’t the baby deserve to meet their dad?”

“Their dad doesn’t even want to be one,” you muttered bitterly and threw your sweater back on, refusing to kick yourself around any harder. Now wasn’t the time to be illogical; you were now a mother and had to be responsible now more than ever. But first, you needed some well-deserved rest after endless agonizing of missing your period, along with the baby drop that until now, had shook you to your core. “I’ll call you back, Rei. I’m very tired.”

“You let me know if you need anything, okay?” Humming in response, you ended the call and crawled back to bed.

It wasn’t that you felt lonely, but you didn’t feel particularly belonging anywhere. You were far from home in a city that felt like the future, and each day you come home, it was mostly just a place to rest before you went back to work the next day. It was a dull, empty routine that you’d gotten used to, but never had it sunk deep into you that you did felt completely hollow.

But not anymore.

You were with your baby now, and as much as it scared you shitless to be a mother with zero preparation and knowledge, you were confident things were going to be okay.

Wrapping an arm around your belly, you had the best sleep you’d had in years.

You’d just have to worry about tomorrow. Hopefully, and you quite prayed harder than you ever did before, Satoru would let you go and keep things less complicated than it already was.

“No,” Satoru shook his head, his words dropping like a heavy boulder in the middle of nowhere. You stood in front of him shock still, hands wrung solid beneath your belly. Satoru merely shook his head, brushing back his gelled hair with a dry laugh. “No, what are you even thinking? You’re not resigning.”

You pursed your lips. “I wasn’t really asking for permission, Sir.”

Truth be told, you expected this sort of reaction from him. It may be true that you and Satoru never got along in personal levels since he was too crass and you much stiff, but it couldn’t be denied you worked well together. You balanced each other’s flaws and brought out the best in one another. If someone had asked you years ago prior to you being employed by the heir if you could even tame the renowned free spirited man, you would’ve said probably not, but after sharing struggles and quite literally forcing one another to do better, you both reached highs neither expected to achieve.

It was an experience and a whole lot lessons learned working with him.

Unfortunately, all things must come to an end, and you had to leave even if Satoru negated to it.

“We’ve been working together for years. Do you know how many people I fired and have resigned all because they’re not equipped for the job?” he plopped down atop his desk, loosening his tie out of frustration. The simple gesture made you swallow and look away – it felt impossible to look at him any other way than a boss now that you had his baby inside you. Thankfully, Satoru was mouthy as usual that he pulled you back from your train of thoughts as he gestured between the both of you. “You and I are perfectly compatible – I can’t let you go like that. I’m sorry, but I need you. There’s no one else I can work with this functionally. No one else is as willing to tolerate my bullshit except you and...I need you to stay.”

You clenched your teeth at the desperation in his voice.

Satoru admitting he needed people was one thing. But him asking others to stay? It may have just been for your value as the only person who had put up with him in both his best and worst times that made him feel that way, but you had to keep your foot down on the ground.

You wouldn’t let him sway you like this.

Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes and willed all your energy to spring forth. “Sir...I’m more than thankful for all the opportunities, it truly was a pleasure working with you but—”

“Is this because we slept together?” he cut you off, your shoulders tensing. Upon your silence, Satoru heaved himself away from the desk and took cautious step towards you, stopping a foot away when you stepped back defensively.

You almost wished you didn’t know him so well. His eyes shone with a flicker of hurt before he masked it just as quick as it had came – for Gojo Satoru was a master of many things, and a great actor was one of them. Cautious, you had to be cautious, and you clenched your fists behind your pencil skirt as you tore your gaze away from his pleading ones. “It is, isn’t it?” he affirmed with a clear of his throat, looking just as lost as you did. Satoru stuttered for a minute before he eventually composed himself, but even then, he didn’t sound half as sure as he wanted to be.

“Listen, whatever happened that night, we can forget about it if you want. We’re both adults and professionals – we can put this aside us and just go back to normal. You don’t have feelings for me, right? So then it shouldn’t be a big deal.”

“Satoru...it’s not like that.”

“Then what is it?” he demanded, aggravated. Satoru began to round his desk and pulling out little white envelopes, stacking them before you in a haste. “Do you want a pay raise? A new car so you could get to work easily? O-or perhaps a bigger house where you can work more comfortably, somewhere nearer to the office? All you have to do is tell me and I’ll give you what you want. There’s no need for you to resign, this company has given you everything and we’ve got so much offer just as you could still be great—”

“I’m pregnant.”

Satoru’s slender fingers halted around the pen hovering over a cheque slip. “What?”

“I said I’m pregnant,” you exhaled, biting down on your bottom lip to prevent yourself from quivering. A quick sweep from your face to gather sincerity trailed down to your belly, staring at you hard enough as if he had the ability to look through your soul. “And you’re the father.”

“Is that true? Is...is it really mine?”

“Yes sir,” you nodded, “I’m not telling you this because I expect that you’ll be responsible for it. No offense, sir, but I’d really rather raise the baby alone. Plus, I understand that you’ll never settle down or suddenly abandon your old ways just to—”

“Stop right there,” he raised a palm, “You mean to tell me you’re resigning because you thought I wouldn’t take responsibility for it? For you?”

The hurt in his voice and expressions were evident, lip curled in disgust; not for you, but rather of himself. Satoru was the type of man that couldn’t be withered down even with the harshest of rumours; you’d never seen him be affected before by tabloids and nasty ex-girlfriends who only slept with him for money or fame, only to talk smack about him afterwards. But now, he was crumbling before you, and you didn’t know quite what to say or feel over the vulnerability present in his cerulean eyes. It almost pained you know that you caused this – for the comforting, blue sky to be tainted with a thunderstorm that hinted of anger, of disappointment, of betrayal.

But could he blame you for not thinking the best of him?

“I’ve worked with you for years, sir, I know you.”

“Clearly not well enough,” he chuckled sarcastically, “Admittedly, I’m surprised, but not upset. The only thing that I’m upset about is that you actually believed it would be better to raise the baby – our baby – alone like I don’t even have a right to be in their life. Sure, it was an accident, but we made that. That’s our child and I’m going to take care of you and be a great father, even if you don’t think I’m capable of it.”

“Sir, I didn’t mean—”

“That’s the first time you said something stupid. That’s our baby. We’re a family now,” Satoru’s hesitance had vanished into thin air as he was on you the next instant, hands shaky before they landed on your shoulders. It was meant to be a comforting gesture; a reassuring one, yet you couldn’t help but flinch and falter under his gaze. As if getting the message, he quickly retracted his hands and shoved them deep inside his pockets with a sigh. “You don’t need to resign or worry about anything else. I promise I’ll give you both the life you deserve, just...just please don’t go. Now that I know we have a baby, there’s just no way I can let go of this and pretend I never heard of this at all.”

You swallowed, rubbing your sweaty palms on your skirt.

Out of all the different scenarios you stayed up late at night to turning your head in one by one, none of them included this. Undeniably, he was an asshole to most, but maybe he was right.

He hadn’t done anything wrong to you and he was still the father of your baby; he deserved a chance. Satoru had the right to be the father he was willing to be. You could already tell this might completely turn into one big mess, but his eyes were so hopeful, his smile so nervous yet expectant that you couldn’t help but say –

“Okay,” you relented.

His reaction was instantaneous. Satoru beamed and lounged at you, arms wide open for an embrace before realizing at the last second you could stab him with a pen and not regret it. One warning glare sent his way and he was retracing his arm behind his head, pretending to stretch with an off-tune whistle.

The sudden switch between pained and enthusiastic gave you whiplash, but you really shouldn’t be surprised. This was Gojo Satoru in the first place – he was as unpredictable as nothing was permanent and lasting to him.

It could be both a blessing and a curse.

For the sake of your baby, you genuinely hoped it was the former.

Not wanting him to get too ahead of himself since you still didn’t trust him enough, you raised a finger to poke him in the chest. Right now, you were no longer his secretary that openly despised him but added six sugar cubes in his coffee just as he liked anyway, but rather a woman who shared this mess with him, and as the mother of his child. You had to be strong. Being with Satoru felt like playing with fire, and you had far too much at stake – both of you did – but you weren’t privileged and fortunate like Satoru. One bad thing thrown his way could be brushed off, but for you? Everything you worked hard for could disappear just like that.

If you really chose now to play with fire, you had to be careful not to be the gasoline that ignited things to burn down into ashes.

“Satoru,” you stressed with your lips pressed into a thin line, “The only thing I expect from you is to be is a good father to our child. I know that it would be difficult for you to be a new person in a day and that your old habits won’t die right away, so please do what you can to be a good parent, and I’ll be with you every step of the way. I promise you don’t have to worry about me getting in the way of your life as well.”

His smile slowly vanished.

“Is that how low you really think of me?” he echoed rather sadly, “That I would still sleep around knowing I’ve got a family now?”

“We’re not a family, Sir. I have no intentions of marrying you nor would I ever want it. I’m just staying for the baby.”

“Fine. For the baby, let’s both do our best,” he crossed his arms on his chest, pumping out the hard muscles from how tight his shirt was. You were stuck between wanting to slap him or be closer to him; the hormones too much of a mess that you had to grip your thigh for restraint. “But tomorrow, you’re moving in with me. I’m going to take care of you from now on – I’ll get you whatever you need so whatever it is, just tell me. My credit card is yours to use as well.”

Move in with him? You wanted to laugh. That was the last thing you would want to happen.

“Sir, it’s fine, I’m capable of taking care of myself.”

“I didn’t say you weren’t, but I want to take care of you both,” he reiterated, growing slightly annoyed from your rigidness. You professed that you were being difficult right now, but it was much better than being easy around someone like him.

“We don’t have to be friends or lovers, alright? I know you don’t see me that way and I’m probably repulsive in your eyes – which is understandable since you always clean my mess up for me – but as a father, at least, let me do my job. There doesn’t have to be anything between us other than a mutual want to be good parents. Is that alright with you?”

You mulled the thought over in your head. So he was capable of being sensible sometimes, and after a few moments of silence, you narrowed your eyes at him.

Still suspicious and your guard was most definitely still up, but he was right. You both had a mutual want to be good parents and that was the most important thing right now. Everything else that complicated matters would be handled afterwards.

“I’m okay with that, but I would have to set down lots of boundaries if I’m living with you.”

“So you’ll really stay with me then?” You regretted nodding in response because Satoru was now fishing his phone out, a goofy smile on his face.

He took the news...surprisingly well, and you didn’t know what to make of it.

“Perfect! I’ll have your room prepared!” You tried to grab his arm to stop him from going overboard; knowing full well Satoru always had rushes in which he impulsively overdoes things. He might turn your room into some sort of grand suite that you wouldn’t really like, but he was far too excited and lost in his own thoughts that your words went from one ear and out the other. “Fuck,” he laughed to himself, “I’m going to be a dad.”

Whether it was relief or anxiety that bubbled through you, you had no idea.

It was definitely anxiety.

Satoru felt like a hyper child to be around, and as much as you were grateful that he was happy about this, you also wished he would calm down. You didn’t even have enough chance to settle in before he’s shoving you inside room by room, announcing that what was his was also yours and he would have a baby room set up next week.

You followed him around like a puppy as he marched into the kitchen, mumbling incoherently to himself about baby proofing furniture.

“Sir,” you called out, “Sir, listen to me. We need to talk about boundaries.”

Satoru blinked owlishly at your tired eyes, sheepishly smiling at you. It must’ve dawned on him that his speed tour of his penthouse felt a lot more overwhelming than welcoming, and he sat you down on the island stools before drumming his fingers impatiently on the cool marble. “Sorry, you were saying? I kind of got carried away.”

Carried away was far an understatement.

“I said, we need to talk about boundaries.”

“Oh, yeah, right,” he paused with a furrow in his brow. “Also can you just call me Satoru? We’re going to be parents anyway and it’s awkward if you keep uh, calling me Sir.”

“Fine,” you rolled your eyes, not really in the mood to argue with him right now. You had to keep intact with him while you still had his full attention. Taking out a little notepad you prepared the night before, you slid it over Satoru who tilted his head to the side rather cutely to read it. “So here are my boundaries. One, I don’t want this pregnancy to be announced in the media unless I’m ready. I understand that we can’t keep this a secret forever but I need time to process this. Two, just because we’re living in the same roof together doesn’t mean that I get to go anywhere and everywhere with you. I’m going to work by myself—”

“No.”

“What do you mean no?”

“I said no,” he repeated more firmly this time. “You’re pregnant and I want to make sure you’re safe at all times. I’m driving you to work.”

“Didn’t you just hear what I said? I don’t want to be seen with you.”

“You’re my secretary. People see us together all the time.”

“But you never drove me to work! I live far from the office and I most definitely don’t drive an Audi.”

“Things change, that’s your life now,” Satoru shrugged nonchalantly, stealing the pen you twirled in your hands. The sudden contact sent jolts of electricity from your knuckles, one that had you recanting your hands back to yourself. Satoru didn’t seem to notice as he crosses out the second rule, “Sorry not sorry but I don’t want to let you go places like that. Fine by me if you don’t want me to drive you, but at least have one of the chauffeurs take you somewhere if you really don’t wanna be seen with me.”

“Fine,” you gritted your teeth. Compromise, compromise, meet in the middle – you repeated to yourself to keep your sanity. “Rule number three: I don’t want you changing your attitude around me. We may have a baby on the way, but you’re still my boss and I want to keep our relationship professional.”

“You’re saying I’m not allowed to fall in love with you?”

You flicked his forehead, effectively erasing the teasing grin he wore. “That’s not going to happen,” you interjected irritably, although your heart skip a beat. That was a massive red flag already; you could never be too comfortable with him. For Satoru, his little comments here and there may come naturally and probably meant nothing to him, but there was a chance you could receive it with different interpretations. Shaking your head at him, you ignored his grumblings on how ‘mean’ you were. “We’re never going to be a couple. We’re just raising a child together. I don’t want you acting weird or too comfortable with me.”

Satoru scratched the side of his head as he mulled about it, “Are we allowed to be friends, at least? I understand the professional part, but I can’t imagine the both of us getting along for nine months and more when we act like boss and employee even alone at home,” before you could say anything, Satoru raised his hands in surrender. “I promise I won’t do anything weird to you. No offense, but you’re not really my type, so same as you, I view you platonically.”

Right. The heart surely was stupid and confusing.

You didn’t want him getting any ideas that this could lead to something more, but at the same time, it hurt a little to know you weren’t his type.

Hiding that pang of hurt behind a tight lipped smile, you forced yourself to agree with him. “I view you professionally, Sir.”

“Satoru.”

“Whatever,” you grumbled. “Rule number four: don’t bring home any of your fuck buddies or flavour of the night. I really don’t care if you sleep around, but respect my privacy and my standing as the mother of your childIf you’re really desperate to get your dick wet, go fuck them somewhere else.”

“You’ve never been this vulgar with me.”

He wasn’t wrong about that. Despite countless of times that he tried being friendly with you to ease your stiffness in the office, you always shot him down.

You came to the city to work and provide for your family, not to be friends with your annoyingly hot boss who enjoyed his life way too much. Unlike him, you were more work than play, and eventually Satoru respected the fact you would never speak or treat him casually.

Until now.

“Try being in my shoes and see if you’d still have the patience of a saint,” you mumbled under your breath, sighing when Satoru’s smile got more awkward. “Listen, Satoru, I don’t mean to be difficult, okay? It’s just...this is a lot. This isn’t just us about anymore – we’re going to be parents and that’s a huge responsibility. It’s not only our lives changing here, a child will be relying on us in the future and I simply want to be a good mother, but I also don’t trust you very well to be comfortable enough to act like we’re suddenly friends.”

“I understand that.”

“Good.”

“Do you have rule number five?”

“No, not really, but I can add more as we go.”

“I have a rule number five,” he piped in, flipping the notepad his way as he scribbled something down. “And it’s that if you need help – and I mean with anything – you would let me help you. I’ve worked with you for a long time and I’m not dumb enough to not notice you like to do things by yourself. Like you said, things are different now, and especially with this pregnancy, you’re not alone in this. You need to let me take over the wheel sometimes. I can’t be just a passenger in the car – you and I are both in this together.”

“Just keep your hands to yourself.”

“That’s easy,” he chirped, and there was that uncomfortable knot in your chest again. However, it didn’t sink in too deep because Satoru was blatantly staring at your belly, a small smile tugging at his lips. “So do we have a name for them already?”

“Satoru, I’ve only been a few weeks pregnant, I don’t—”

Conflicting his previous statement that he’d keep his hands to himself, Satoru suddenly dropped to his knees. You watched with wide eyes, too flabbergasted to move as he places his ear on your belly.

“Hi there, little one,” he spoke in a soft tone, large hands caressing the tiny bump beginning to form. You couldn’t move; hell, you could barely breathe from how comforting his touch seemed in contrast to your mind ringing warning bells above. His voice quickly pulled you back to reality as he flattened his palm, white lashes fluttering against the cotton of your shirt. “I’m your daddy; I can’t wait to meet you. Daddy promises to take good care of you and make you the happiest kid ever, alright? You don’t have to worry about anything as long as I’m here.”

“D-don’t spoil them too much, Satoru.”

“I’ll try not to,” he chuckled. Satisfied with that small moment he had, he straightened up and trudged over the dining table that was far too big for a man who lived alone. In that moment, an image flashed in your mind – that someday that table would no longer look empty as you and your child shared meals with him. You could already imagine how heavenly the sun would shine on the glass windows behind it, the flowers gathered in the middle of the table blooming to life.

Out of nowhere, it struck you.

Could it be that this was why he loved this baby so much after only knowing about it for a few days? Could it be that Satoru really was alone?

“Okay, we should probably have a welcoming dinner! The chefs left me something tonight. I forgot what it’s called but I think you’ll like it. Grab some wine on the cellar for me?”

“Satoru, I’m pregnant.”

“Oh, right! My bad,” he clapped his hands together before pulling out ceramics and a cold pitcher, “Just water for mommy then,” Satoru said absentmindedly, completely oblivious to how your mind short-circuited a few feet away from him. He went about his way ignorant to it all and gently tugged you to sit with him, eagerly digging into the heated meals as you realized both of you hadn’t eaten.

For a guy who talked a lot, dinner with him was surprisingly quiet. Other than the occasional clinking of utensils against the plate, you enjoyed the silence with him.

You wouldn’t have believed it to be possible since Satoru made it his daily business to always fill in the gaps. Peace and comfort stretched before you the whole time, however, that for a moment, just a short moment, you found yourself letting your guard down. Even when you both caught each other’s in the middle of a bite, you found no tension or awkwardness in it. Perhaps it was the familiarity of being beside each other for years now that this should feel natural, or maybe it was because you both mutually agreed on wanting the best for your baby. Whatever it was, you didn’t want to overcomplicate it right now.

“You know, I’m really excited about this. I can’t believe I’m actually going to be a father,” he mused through a bite, swirling his red wine through his glass. Satoru gazed at his reflection almost dreamily, seemingly too deep in thought that he felt far from reach.

Or maybe you were the one who was detached, the one who kept pushing him away, because you could offer him nothing but a lame nod. “I’m glad to hear that...”

“What about you? You don’t look too happy.”

Your eyes widened at his worry. “No, I-I’m happy, of course. It’s just...it’s unplanned, and I’ve had my whole life planned out that I’m not really sure how this will all fall into place together.”

“Hey,” he laced his fingers with yours, squeezing warmth back into your skin that you hadn’t noticed turned cold from the nerves. Unlike his usual self with eyes brimming with glee, you could only see tenderness in him now, some sort of silent vow through a private smile shared only between the two of you in that moment in the solace of his home. Your home. “I promise I’ll be there for you and the baby every step of the way. I know that I haven’t had the best reputation and I have zero idea on parenting, but you’re not alone in this. You can trust me on this one, just like how we always trusted each other during work. Being a parent and running a business are both responsibilities right?”

“Yeah...”

“Well then you already know we work well together. We’re great partners!” he cheered, patting your shoulder way too bro-like. You resisted the urge to cringe. “We’ll be great parents, Y/N. I’m sure of that.”

Unsure of what else to do, you squeezed his hand back. He was right, you would be great parents as long as both of you never gave up. The thought of eating meals with him again with another addition to the table made you smile, and you hadn’t noticed you were spacing out, thumb running over his knuckles that were smooth for a man who never knew a day of hard labour. It wasn’t until you felt something prodding at you metaphorically, and you chuckled nervously as you saw Satoru smiling mysteriously at you.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Nothing,” he grinned, “I’ve just never seen you this close before; not so much that I paid attention anyway. But this is nice – having you here, I mean. It gets lonely here sometimes.”

“Don’t you bring your girlfriends around?”

“I never make them stay,” was all he said, and just like that, whatever thread that was beginning to form snapped. Satoru released his hold on you and gestured to your plate, carrying the dishes in his hand before leaving you alone on the table. Like always – a whiplash. “I’ll clean up, you can rest in your room now. I’ll take care of the dishes.”

“Do you even know how to do them?”

“Yeah, my mother forced me to wash dishes because she didn’t want me to rely on the house help too much,” he informed, the new information shocking you right to the core as he put on dishwashing gloves and started scrubbing. From this angle, he sure looked damn nice and domestic in just a white shirt, hair ruffled down to bangs. “I’ll be right there with you,” Satoru announces casually, spinning on his heel with red cheeks once he realized what he said. “For just a goodnight, I mean! We’re not sharing rooms!”

“Yeah, no,” you coughed out, “We’re definitely not.”

It felt…surreal, to wake up in a room much grandiose than yours yet felt like home even for the first night. Satoru handled your moving in rather happily; you found him singing to himself this morning as he brewed his own coffee before realizing you were right behind him, sleepy as you lazily made waffles for the both of you. Everything flowed nicely and normally, like this had always been a normal thing that for a moment, you questioned once more what would happen next.

You were now getting ready for work, hands tugging at his tie because he was such a man-child who couldn’t even properly knot his own tie. His suit was custom tailored and he looked effortlessly gorgeous – beauty ripped straight from magazines he was constantly a front page of, but his tie was skewered and loose that it irritated you.

“You’re such a mess without me.”

Satoru bent down to wiggle his brows at you, thought you didn’t notice because he wouldn’t stay still for you to fix his tie fast enough. “Isn’t this sweet; you fixing my tie for me as we both get ready for work?” he teased, “We’re like a married couple already.”

“If you don’t shut up, I’m kicking you in the nuts.”

“Then how can I give you more babies?” picking up the newspaper on the coffee table beside you, you rolled it and started whacking him, a string of profanities colorfully painting his otherwise monochrome and sleek walls. Satoru’s laughter boomed all over the room even as he wiggled away from you, clutching his bicep that had been the victim of your abuse. “Ow, ow, I was joking! Jeez, woman, you are strong. Fight men a lot like this?”

“I work with you. My fighting instincts are always activated.”

His laugh really was annoying. But it did help ease your nerves – though you’d never tell him that – as you sat beside him in his car, the expensive leather seats no longer strange to you. It would’ve felt like any other day where you accompanied him somewhere, except the reason was different now, and it came crashing down on you of your current situation that things were undeniably different from now on.

You immediately stepped away from him the moment you got out of the car, clutching your clipboard to your tummy when Satoru bumped his shoulder with yours. “Come closer, it’s fine. No one will suspect a thing,” he points to the crowded building with people bumping and walking past each other, everyone too occupied in their own heads to even notice you.

It wasn’t much, but hearing his voice and reassurances relaxed you, even for just a little bit. Maybe your first day at work after the baby news wouldn’t be so bad, after all, but it seemed you had spoken too early.

Satoru heavily insisted that you worked inside his office from now on.

Your desk was located right outside his office, the phone line always within reach in case you needed to pass calls to him or if he needed you to come. Satoru preferred the privacy of his own space – or so he said; he actually just didn’t want you to witness him slacking around and experience your wrath – but now he was dragging you inside his office, pushing your shoulders down until you were ‘settled in.’

You didn’t even want to ask where he got a new desk from, or why it had to be right across from him. His desk remained elevated on a few levels, the welcoming lobby of the room filled with couches and stacks of coffee with a rich amount of sugar cubes.

Safe to say, most of the morning was spent (or rather, wasted) on you telling Satoru off. The man was too persistent, coming in on the office at random times of the hour with either snacks or heaps of biscuits on his arms. He always greeted you with a wide grin on his face, only to be kicked out of his own office because you had his hellish schedule and events to deal with. That was around three hours ago when you’d asked him to shut up and go bother someone else. You were halfway around finishing your workload for today when the door swung open, a tuft of white hair and mischievous eyes peeking through.

“Hey! Just checking in on mommy—”

“Satoru!”

“What? It’s just you and I,” he defended with a shrug, welcoming himself inside. Surprisingly, he was empty handed, though the pout on his lips told you it was against his will. “Seriously though, do you need anything? Do you want snacks? Tea? Do you need help going to the bathroom? You haven’t moved in your desk for an hour now.”

“Satoru, I’m pregnant, not disabled,” you ignored him for a while, resuming to working back on his schedule for the month. There were a bunch of e-mails you still had to respond to, which normally wouldn’t be such a daunting task if Satoru wasn’t shifting his weight from one foot to another, the sounds of his shoes hitting the tiles in an annoying click-clack rhythm getting to you. “Will you stop fidgeting! Your anxiety gives me anxiety, stop that!”

“I’m sorry, I can’t help it, I just feel like there’s something I should be doing.”

“Shutting up and letting me work in peace would be great, thank you.”

“You really don’t need anything?” Sending him a warning glare, Satoru sucked in his cheeks and ran back to his desk where he hid behind the safety of his large monitor. “Nope, yeah, I got the message: leave you alone. Good luck with that then, I’ll need those archives to pull up for our meeting with the directors later at five.”

Muttering a sarcastic finally under your breath, you resumed working.

The routine was per usual – answer the calls professionally with a welcoming and sweet voice, a pen always in one hand to jot down notes in reminders, adjust his schedules, work out his plans, go to him whenever he needed to sign something before responding back to e-mails. You were focused as you always were, but someone wasn’t, and it was getting harder and harder to keep being placated.

It didn’t help that he made no effort to hide the fact he was slacking off, the tip-taps of him randomly pressing keys on the keyboard similar to a fork dragging down a plate.

“I can feel you burning holes at the back of my head,” you twittered, “What do you need?”

“Nothing at all. I’m just realizing how beautiful you are right now.”

You paused. Unable to deny your curiosity over how serious he sounded, you spun around in your swivel chair. Satoru had his chin on his hands as he stared right back at you, his face devoid of expression that you couldn’t pick up on a single clue. “Are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

You rolled your eyes at him. Of course the bastard would be teasing you, his loud chuckles a painful reminder of that. It was best to ignore him, so you went back to reading e-mails and forced yourself to focus on the task at hand. “We’re at work. Please stop distracting me; I can’t focus when you’re staring at me like a creep.”

“Sorry, babe, I’ll try to be less distracting next time, though I can’t control my charisma, you know!”

You jotted your thumb to your desk outside, “I can walk back to my desk where you can’t see me. That’d be a great for both of us.”

“Stay right there, I was joking!”

“Do you promise to be quiet and actually do your job if I stay?”

“With you disciplining and ordering me around like that, why not?” Mouth open for another heated retort, Satoru stopped you before you could say anything, his aura more serious this time. He was always like this; fooling around and maturing the next second, only for the cycle to repeat and test your patience. “I’m just teasing you, Y/N, I’ll shut up now. You’re free to end work as soon as you’re tired though; the driver is waiting in the parking lot whenever you want to go home.”

“I’ll go home with you.” Home. It felt weird to say that, but also…natural.

“You’ll stay with me at work today?” He sounded genuinely surprised, and you responded with a one-shoulder shrug. That seemed to be enough for him, however, and it wasn’t long before Satoru found the oh so rare and fleeting motivation to work hard.

Once he was settled, sleeves rolled up to expose his veiny forearms and brows furrowed as he centered all his attention on the pile of paperwork before him, there was no stopping him.

Roles reversed and positions switched, you were now the one unable to take your eyes off him.

In this light, in this moment, Gojo Satoru had never looked more beautiful. He was much the same as you in the manner you never really noticed each other this way before; not romantically, but even just person to person. In your eyes, he was nothing but your irritating boss whose boisterous self always crowded over your peace, and in his eyes, you were nothing but his secretary who he knew always silently hoped would leave you alone.

But things were different now. You were different now.

Boundaries there may be, you couldn’t help that fluttering forming in your stomach. Contentment, happiness, relief, nervousness – all of them jumbled into one big mess. Out of them all, however, there was most definitely adoration, either out of respect for his unexpected kindness, or simply because it felt nice to feel for once.

Turning away from him until your back was the only thing he could see, you hid your smile as you secretly held your belly.

You’d never been reckless before, but what was to be a good story when there wasn’t a mistake or two made?

3K notes · View notes

faevi · 3 years ago

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SCENARIO: You meet lifeguard Levi and attraction blossoms. Oh, and he also happens to save your life. - PART ONE.

notes: this is part of @odmlevis's summer event for celebrating 1000 followers!! i'm so happy that got to participate, thank you riz for having me <33 ilysm!! now i'm usually insecure about my work despite having a passion for writing and enjoying it buuut i sorta suffered writer's block so i think this is my worst one yet DFLGJDFJ. i still hope you all enjoy it and i'd loooooove to hear your thoughts ; w ;. i'm obsessed with lifeguard levi! also there is NO smut in this piece. there are suggestive things but the second part to this will contain the smut and i will do my best to make it exciting uwu. please enjoy and look forward to part two!! <3 also fuck small font never using it for beneath read-more.

word count: 12,500+.

content/trigger warnings: drowning, death (i mean it happens technically but don't worry), CPR, ocean danger (riptides) mentions of fear and potential trauma, lifeguard levi being mega hot, suggestive scenes but really you're just helping levi being protected from the sun, thirsty talk, a raging karen, jellyfish sting??, lost children and i think that's it! -- also i have like 10% knowledge of CPR, etc so if it's not extremely accurate for every little thing, forgive me!

A soft sigh parts from your lips. You could feel the gentle sea breeze caressing your exposed flesh and you breathe in the salty scent that lingers in the air. You watch as each small wave washes over your feet, grinning a little with happiness as you curl your toes into the wet sand. It feels weirdly soft and everything reminds you that you’re alive. That’s why you love the sea and being new in town; you couldn’t help but plan the first few days where you spend the long hours at the beach. It’s a rather nice beach, as well. The beach from your previous home town definitely couldn’t compare.

The sun is out, shining down on the visitors but it isn’t horrific with its scorching temperature. Especially with the gentle breeze masking, it's true burning potential. You could hear all sorts of chattering around you. Kids babbling excitedly as they splash salty water at each other. Teenagers sun-bathing across their towels, gossiping about their crushes. Parents watching over their children or distracted by the heat rays, trying to dodge them by staying beneath the large umbrellas that the government must provide on the public beach. Everyone is here for a reason and there’s happiness buzzing around.

You grin a little to yourself, watching as a small hermit crab is stealthily trying to crawl back to the ocean and away from the terrifying yet clueless humans. Your hands carefully come out to hover over the crab, providing it with some shade. It hesitates before slowly succeeding in its day’s mission and fading into the ocean. “Good job, little guy.” You praise despite it falling on deaf ears. With the breeze licking pleasantly at your bare flesh, you squat down to glide your fingers rather lovingly across the wave that comes to your ankles.

“Ex-Excuse me, miss?”

You hear a small voice next to you, already identifying it to belong to a small child. You tilt your head to gaze at the girl. Her face is red and blotchy from tears, automatically prompting a concerned frown to appear. “What’s wrong, cutie?” You ask gently, extending your hands out cautiously and the little girl latches onto them, her cries becoming louder, snot threatening to dribble and you look down to see that her foot is almost pale beside the striking red that comes in the form of lines. A jellyfish must have made contact with her and you gasp softly, inching closer.

“That looks like it hurts, sweetie. Do you know where your parents are?”

She frantically shakes her head and it causes moments of panic to flicker in your heart, leaving an unpleasant ache. You hated seeing anyone in pain. Especially children. “Well, you know there are special people who work on the beach! They’ll help you with your foot and help find your parents. Shall we ask them?” You ask in a soothing tone, hoping to coax her into relaxing further and not focus on the stinging pain that must be pulsating through her foot. The young girl whines, latching onto you, arms around your neck.

It surprises you but you welcome it with open arms. Physically. You wrap your arms around her frail body and hoist her up, careful to keep her close to your own body and not touching the foot covered in sting marks. Your hand gently rubs along her back, eyes wide open as you try to capture the sights of the signature red uniform that lifeguards wear. Most seem to be very far into the distance. “It’s okay, sweetie. We’ll find your parents soon, hm? All the pain will go away.” You continue to blurt out the comforting words for the little girl in your arms, feeling the sleeve of your shirt becoming wet with her tears.

You were starting to feel desperate and that’s when fate introduced itself on the beautiful beach, in the form of a male lifeguard, settled comfortably on the lifeguard chair, peering through binoculars to scan the beach every so often. The umbrella providing him with the much-needed shade and for now, preventing any threat of sweat to appear for the moment. Each step and you're reminded of the warm sand beneath your feet, gaze fixated on the lifeguard. Even with the distance between you both, your heart is starting to race with excitement. You’re at the foot of the ladder, head tilted to look at him and gosh, it was a struggle to not stay fixated on his beautifully chiselled abs but even his face made you feel like you’re drowning in gold from how gorgeous he is. Sharp jaw-line. Perfectly shaped brows. Soft lips. Smooth skin that’s begging to be marked. Steel-grey eyes looking down at you.

Oh.

He’s looking at you. The lifeguard is leaning forward, elbows resting on his knees, legs spread out slightly and the whistle dangling down his toned chest. “What do we have here?” He asks curiously, brows knitting out of concern, eyes flickering from you and to the little girl. His gaze lingering on you a little bit more than the child. You feel warm in the face, ignoring the crowds behind you and adjusting the girl in your embrace.

“The poor girl lost her parents and I think- a jellyfish?”

The male doesn’t wait for you to finish, jumping down from the high chair and with a soft thud from the sand, he lands gracefully in front of you. Instantly, his larger hands are hovering over the girl, his voice soft and tender.

“Hey, sweetheart. Is it okay if I touch you? It will help me check out your foot.”

The little girl is clinging, peeking at the dark-haired lifeguard. You find yourself surprised by how gentle he is and that he even asked for permission when most would just go out of their way to grab. She nods her head slowly, sniffling quietly. The lifeguard guides you both further beneath the umbrella that’s situated up high. He then cradles her leg with his hand. “Oh dear, that must hurt, hm? Let’s get you up to the secret base. Do you want me to carry you?”

The child’s head is nodding eagerly and you find that it’s not just you completely wrapped up in the male’s soothing tone. His eyes meet yours and you offer a warm smile, carefully handing the little girl over. Gently, the lifeguard wraps his arm around the child, cradling her head to the crook of his neck. You decide to stay quiet as you follow him across the beach, footprints left in the sand. His fingers gently brush through the girl’s hair, aiming to distract her from the pain that continues to linger.

“Jellyfish are mean, aren’t they? What’s your name, little one?”

“So-Sophie..”

“What a pretty name! We’ll call out for your parents once we reach the secret base. Stay strong, we’re nearly there, okay? It’s okay if it hurts, Sophie. That doesn’t mean you’re not strong.”

You feel warm from the male’s words, watching as the little girl calms down to only a few hiccups between her tears, glancing up to see that you’ve nearly reached the ‘secret base’. He clears his throat, looking towards you.

“Your name?”

“Y/N. Yours?”

“Mm. Levi. Did you find her?”

You frantically shake your head, hands rubbing nervously together as you recall the girl tugging on your sleeve and tears gliding down her chubby cheeks. “She found me. Well, maybe I was just the closest adult to her, I was at the edge of the ocean. The first day visiting and it’s already so eventful.” You joke lightly, hand stretching out to rest on the little girl’s head. Levi hums thoughtfully in response, now standing at the foot of the stairs towards the lifeguard lookout. One arm continues to hold the girl comfortably to his body, the free hand now gripping onto the rails.

“Welcome to the Paradis beach, then.”

A light laugh escapes your soft tiers, eyes shaping like moon crescents as you smile wide, pleased from the rather casual welcome from the handsome lifeguard. “Thanks! I’ll be visiting again. Whether to swim or save another child by taking them to a— beach professional.” You joke lightly, willingly following Levi up the wooden steps, thankful they’re not metal because otherwise, your bare feet would burn further. Levi lets out a half chuckle, amused by your words. “Just remember to apply sunscreen with each visit.” The dark-haired male mutters, nudging the door open and entering into the cool office space that contains clear windows to expose the entire beach.

Another lifeguard is sitting at the office desk, legs propped up and lips wrapped around a lollipop, lazily sucking on it. His dark brown hair tied loosely into a bun and red shorts hanging low on his hips; same uniform as Levi. “Sup, Cap’.” He slurs out playfully, swinging around to look towards you and the little girl, eyes soon focusing on the blotchy sting marks across her foot. “Ouch! Looks painful, sweetie.” The other lifeguard states, pulling himself out of the chair and walking over to you three.

He raises an eyebrow, looking at you. “We promise your daughter is in safe hands. Sit back and—“

“Oh god, I’m not the mother. She’s lost.” You splutter out, feeling flustered as you shake your head. His lips press thoughtfully together around the lollipop stick, shrugging his amusement away from witnessing your flustered moment. Levi rolls his eyes at his co-worker’s playful manner. “Eren, call through to the others. We’re looking for her parents. Her name is Sophie.” Levi orders the younger lifeguard who salutes, prompting a soft giggle to spill from the girl’s lips. Eren grins, winking towards the pair of you. “The quest begins to find the princess’ parents! Knight Levi, I leave the girl in your capable hands!” Eren grabs his cap to pull onto his head before grabbing the walkie-talkie and leaving through the door you entered. You bite back a smile, silently amused and pleased that both you’ve met are good with kids so far. You settle down next to Sophie, stroking her hair lightly and thankful from the break in the cool room.

“Tch. He’s a bit of a brat but a helpful one at that. He’ll find your parents in no time, Sophie.” Levi reassures softly, walking over to the basin where he adjusts for hot water; not too burning. He swiftly cleans his hands before tugging on a pair of latex gloves. Not necessarily needed but Levi likes to handle everything with proper hygiene and care. “Alright, little one. The—“ Levi pauses, contemplating on something. “The magical cure to this monster attack is hot water and waiting it out for the most point. Good thing you have two knights with you.” Your eyes meet with his before he adjusts her toes to rest on the chair in front of her.

Sophie pouts a little, squirming uncomfortably but she looks determined. “Okay... Okay! I can do it.” Sophie grabs onto your hand and you squeeze lightly. Levi sets an empty bowl on the ground beneath, tips of his glove covered fingers brushing along the protruding sting marks before setting the other bowl of water on the table next to him. Sophie whimpers softly, biting down on her trembling lip. Levi offers a soft smile and you feel your breath being taken away and sits down on the other side of Sophie.

“Ready, Princess?”

Sophie closes her eyes, nodding frantically. Levi holds onto her other hand and stuck between you both, Sophie finds herself feeling safe. You watch, almost fascinated when the lifeguard handles her with such care. He scoops some of the hot water with a cup before gently pouring it over the sting marks. You could feel her small fingers gripping your hand tightly as she squirms in her seat. “That’s it, Sophie. You’re doing so well.” Levi praises quietly, repeating the process. It soon becomes soothing for the stinging pain, coaxing it to become light throbs and eases Sophie’s heart.

Her cheeks are dry with tears, watching the warm water being poured consistently over the injured area. “Wah, is- is water magical?” She asks innocently, truly wrapped up in the wonder of how the warmth of the liquid could dominate the stinging pain. She even begins to wiggle her toes against the chair. Levi chuckles softly, finally setting the cup down and letting her foot air dry because he knows a towel is never a good idea for any sort of burning sensation.

“I think what makes it magical is your strength, Sophie. You’re a little trooper. You did well. Now we’ll just wait for Mister Eren to come back with your parents.” He holds his hand out and you watch as Sophie excitedly yet clumsily smacks her hand against it. Levi grabs onto it and playfully shakes it about. You wrap your arms around Sophie and squeeze lightly. “You did so well, Sophie! D’aw, I’m so proud of you!” You exclaim, prompting another giggle to bubble out of her chest.

You hear frantic footsteps outside, climbing up the steps until a couple appear, two females stumbling in. They’re sobbing out of relief, coming over to pull Sophie into their arms. “Mommy! Mama!” Sophie squeals, hanging onto them and grinning. Levi stands up and you sit back, avoiding the close sight of his toned body in front of you. Especially with the obvious v-line that leads down and beneath the red shorts. Eren bursts in, arms out wide. “Quest has been completed! I’ve found the Queens and as a reward for the pretty princess..” Eren trails off, plucking a lollipop from the candy jar and hands it out for the child.

Sophie smiles shyly, small fingers curling around the stick to pull in. One of her mothers breathes in deeply, biting down on her lip. “Thank you. Thank you for finding our daughter. We were worried sick and looking all over for her.” Both of her mothers pull her in further, clinging firmly onto their daughter. It warms your heart to see the reunion, hands hiding behind your back. The shorter male clears his throat, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s quite alright. This happens more often than you think. All I request is that when you go home, you help her have a hot bath, it will help soothe the pain even further. Just a regular jellyfish sting but she handled it well.” He explains firmly, guiding the family closer to the exit.

With several thank yous to the pair of the lifeguards and Sophie waving goodbye, they left. Eren glances towards you, smirking slightly before he moves towards the door. “I’ll go keep a watch out.” He says before leaving through the door and jogging down the steps. Silence fills the air between you both and you’re awkwardly rubbing your hand along your arm, smiling a little. “I’m glad she can go home in peace.” You exhale out softly, your body finally relaxing. You love the beach and it’s always full of surprises. Some that make you feel uncomfortable. Why? You hate when people, especially children, are distraught.

Levi’s slender fingers drag through his silky hair, stretching out and unintentionally flexing his muscles. You swiftly look away again and he’s no fool. He picks right up on it instantly. His hands stuff comfortably into the pocket of his swim shorts, face expression a little smug when you weren’t looking but it fades away quickly when you gain the courage to look at him once more. “You did the right thing, Y/N. You.. You’re a good person.” Levi decides on, not wanting to expose himself just yet on how the attraction is mutual. He couldn’t. He needs to be professional.

You feel your cheeks warm up from the kind words, opting on rolling your eyes playfully as you walk over to the door, lingering as you turn around. “You’re pretty good, too. Saving people and all. I better head home for the day but... You might see me tomorrow if you’re around on shift. I’d like to visit this beach often.” Your fingers tap lightly on the frame and Levi’s steel-grey eyes holding your gaze.

Seeing you for the second time? Doesn’t sound bad at all in his mind. Levi walks over to the desk situated in front of the tall windows, grabbing his cap. Instead of putting it on his head, Levi walks over to pull it down onto yours, hovering in front of you. “Make that a promise then and return my hat, Y/N.” Levi responds smoothly, eyes flickering down to your tiers.

A surprised whine escapes, flustered as you pull his cap further down until it manages to hide your eyes. “Oh— Okay. I’ll— I’ll see you tomorrow, Captain.” You tease the lifeguard lightly before swiftly leaving the lifeguard’s secret base and jogging down the steps. You didn’t get to see the rosy tint to his cheeks and you weren’t aware of how you now invaded his thoughts, feeding him certain fantasies already.

“Pretty..” Levi breathes out softly before shaking his head to snap out of his thoughts and walks over to settle in his seat, eyes instantly locking onto your figure through the windows. He watches as you jog across the golden sand. Tomorrow. You promised tomorrow and he’ll hold you to that.

—————————————————————

Just like you promised, you arrived at the beach the following day. The cap is comfortable and blocking out the rays of the sun. Selfishly, you didn’t want to return the cap. You wanted to keep it. Why? You know why. It belongs to the lifeguard named Levi. The one you find so irresistible that visiting the beach gives you a whole different meaning. Your mind is left wondering if you’ll stumble into him today, finding yourself too nervous to actively search for him. You could only hope. Desperately hope that fate will be on your side once more.

It’s just after 12 o'clock and you’re walking along the pavement, gazing fondly down at the beach. You recently went down to splash in the water and even leave a pattern in the sand with pretty shells that were swept up by the waves. Now, you’re craving ice cream. You’ve always been fond of keeping cool with a sweet treat. You shuffle along the pathway, the warmth of sun rays seeping into your flesh and making sure to keep out of the way of other people.

Once you arrive at the outer entrance of the cafe, you shuffle into line, gaze fixated on the menu. You lightly tap your chin thoughtfully, inspecting the variety of flavours. You could hear seagulls squawking in the distance, the sound easily lacing with the sounds of the waves and laughter. You smile widely when you finally make it to the counter. “Good afternoon! I’d like a scoop of cookies ’n’ cream, please! On a cone.” You request, pulling your wallet from your handbag. You watch as they scoop up the ice cream and gently pressing it onto the cone, making sure it’s firm before they hold it out.

“That’d be a $2.50!” The worker says with a professional smile.

You nod quickly, managing to balance your wallet between your body and arm, wiggling out your card. They prepared the machine for you and as you go to press your card against the touch screen, suddenly, another black card presses against the screen and an instant beep is heard. A soft gasp falls from your lips, head whipping to the side and your eyes meet his.

Levi. Right now, he’s wearing a uniform shirt to cover his toned body and a fresh pair of red shorts. No cap, of course. The shades on his head have pushed up some of the strands of hair but besides that, some still frame around his temples. Amusement lingers in his steel-grey eyes, pulling his card away to tuck back into his wallet. “You— You didn’t have to do that!” You exclaim, a little bewildered from where he arrived. The dark-haired male cocks his head slightly, delicately holding onto your wrist as he guides you out of the line with the ice cream. “Saw you and wanted to, Y/N. It’s no issue. Besides, you’ve kept your promise. So think of it as a reward.” Levi retaliates lightly, finally taking a sip from the takeaway cup.

Butterflies flutter in your stomach, eyes lingering on his lips that press against the edge of the cup, mindlessly taking small licks of your ice cream. You’re too focused on his face, making yourself oblivious to the fact that he’s mimicking you. His warm stare fixated on your lips, watching as the ice cream smears across your tongue, coating your lips in the sugary goodness. Ice cream never looked so tempting for the older male until now.

“Coffee for the shift?”

“No, tea. Helps me feel relaxed.”

He tilts his head briefly, silently gesturing for you to follow him back down the pathway and enjoy the beautiful scenery. You follow him obediently, falling easily into step. Two tiny steps with one long stride from the lifeguard. “Tea is good, I couldn’t resist an ice cream, though.” You sigh out softly, dragging the flat of your tongue across the creamy texture, almost having to withhold a moan from how sweet it tastes. Levi kept his head facing towards the ocean, almost sipping at his tea a bit too fast, feeling his tongue becoming numb. He couldn’t help but think to himself that you were starting to be far more too tempting than the ice cream. “Not a sweet tooth but I confess, you make it seem heavenly.” He murmurs against the rim of his lid, glancing at his watch. His break will be ending soon. You whine out softly, flustered from his confident yet sweet way with words. “Tsk, please, Levi. It’s not me at all.”

Droplets of ice cream threaten to dribble down your chin. Gently, Levi cups your chin and you stop walking. His thumb cautiously wipes away the slippery goodness and when your eyes meet his, there’s some unknown electric spark you’ve never felt before. Cautiously, he licks his thumb and finally tastes the cookies ’n’ cream before he resumes his walk. The lifeguard knows that he rarely makes bold moves but when they slip out, he attempts to behave naturally as possible. You feel weak at the knees and find yourself briefly grabbing onto his forearm to stable yourself. Your cheeks feeling so hot that you swear for that moment, you must have been the radiant sun.

The corners of Levi’s lips quirk ever so slightly, extending his arm out slightly so you could continue to use him as support. His internal excuse? Lifeguard duties. The bottom surfaces of your shoes scrape lightly against the pavement, playfully shaking your head before breathing in deeply. “Why did you want to become a lifeguard?” You ask out of curiosity, tugging his cap further down on your head. Levi disposes of his empty cup in a bin passing by before rubbing the back of his neck. Why?

“When I first saw the ocean, it made me feel free. I wanted to continue to chase that freedom and felt like others feel it when they’re at the beach. Guess I just wanted to protect others when they feel it. So I trained and now here I am.”

The sense of awe wraps around your heart and squeezes. You never expected such a breathtaking answer. You puff out some air, finally letting go of his arm. “That’s amazing of you. I love the beach but I don’t think I could ever be a lifeguard. It takes strong people to take such an emotionally and physically draining job.” You compliment happily, tongue swirling around the ice cream as it gradually becomes smaller, carefully munching away at the cone until the ice cream eventually disappears and you’re left pouting. Levi finds himself growing fond of you and this is the only second time you’ve spent time talking to each other. You especially look endearing tucked away beneath his lifeguard cap.

“It has its downsides but there’s plenty of perks. My shift resumes soon.” Levi exhales softly, pulling his dark shades down to cover his gaze and block out the burning sun. You couldn’t help but pout, willingly following him like a lost puppy, trailing down the steps. The lifeguard, being the subtle gentleman that he is, offers his hand to help you down. A simple offer but not a necessity to accept. Still, you do. Anything to feel the softness of his skin against your own. You gently take hold of it, the other hand grabbing the rail and you take each step slowly. You both were being deliberately slow to take your time getting back to the main lifeguard post, not because you struggle with stairs. It prompts an amused grin to tug at your lips.

“A pity, I find myself wanting more of your time. Perhaps I need to go pretend to drown in the ocean so you could come and swim out to me? Be your damsel in your distress for this one time?” You grin, jumping down onto the sand. Levi rolls his eyes from hearing your words, giving your hand a firm squeeze. “You will not be doing that. If you happen to be in trouble, then I’ll come to save you. Besides, it’s not like I’m going anywhere. My time is yours.” He reassures through an exhale, letting go of your hand. He stretches out the muscles in his hands, swearing he could still feel the warmth. The warmth is so pure and comforting compared to the blazing sun.

You bite back a grin, fingers lacing together behind your back and you just knew that if it wasn’t for the sand making each step of yours sink, you’d be bouncing. You watch him, fascinated. His eyes are fixated on everything around him. First, the ocean. No one is drowning. Across the beach. No issues. No fights or tears. It’s relieving for him to not having to rush and simply trail along between bursts of crowds and standing umbrellas with you. You were never away from him, able to keep up. The only issue that made his eyebrow twitch out of annoyance was a group of teenage boys leaving their rubbish behind.

“Oi.” Levi called out firmly, lifting up his shades and naturally, you shift behind him and watch the lifeguard work his magic. The teenage boys turn as if ready to give him a whole lot of shit but the death glare that the short lifeguard is sending towards them, leave them looking like deers in headlights. “Pick your trash up if you ever want to enjoy your time here again. No one leaves filth on my beach.” He warns in a deathly calm voice. They appear to choke on their spit, frantically grabbing the wrappers and empty bottles off of the golden sand before stumbling away. The dark-haired male tsks softly, pushing shades down once more. God— You couldn’t even try to ignore the deep fluttery feeling in your stomach from witnessing the lifeguard being protective of his beach and disgusted by filth. A man who loves the beach to be free of trash has easily deepened the attraction you feel towards him, cheeks feeling too warm to be just from the sun. His hand takes hold of your wrist to gently guide you back into being next to him, walking in comforting silence and your hand resting over your beating heart.

It didn’t take either of you long to reach the base and you stand on the small pavement block, a pout lingering. Is there where you had to leave him for the day now? Well, you could always come back tomorrow. You know your friends wanted to spend time with you at the beach as well. “Wait here.” Levi states firmly, walking up to the entrance of the lifeguard office that you visited yesterday to help a child.

Obediently, you stay. You stay at the very edge of the steps, silently wondering if you should return his cap. You find yourself selfish and wanting to keep it. Simply cause it meant something about him will be with you. Instantly, your hand comes up to smack against your forehead. “Acting like a damn school girl with a crush.” You scold yourself through a heavy sigh and completely oblivious to the lifeguard walking back down the steps, his shirt now off to reveal his beautifully detailed abs, one hand rubbing sunscreen along his other arm.

“Oi, stop spacing out.” He scoffs lightly, amused from seeing you react to hearing his low voice. Your head snaps up, eyes locking onto the heavenly sight of a thin white cream being rubbed into the other’s gorgeous skin. Smooth and pale, never threatened by the sun. You figured yesterday that he uses sunscreen like it’s a second skin for him. Levi is now standing in front of you, wrist angled slightly as he holds the tube of sunscreen lightly. Instantly, your hand reaches up to rest on top of it, gazing into his grey eyes.

As usual, his eyebrow arches up in question. You felt like you were under a trance as the sounds of people around you both fade out with ease and in your mind, it’s only you two standing on this small pavement block in the sand and seagulls chirping as they fly by, the sounds of the wave becoming a form of comfort.

“Let me help you. Not like you can reach every inch of your back, right?” You suggest with a sickly sweet smile creeping up onto your face. It’s almost as if you have something sinister planned but Levi is no fool. Sure, you want to help him but evidently, you also want to touch him. This is your way of asking for consent and willingly, he lets go of the tube. “Go ahead, princess. I know you probably can’t hold yourself back any longer.” Levi teases with an amused half-laugh escaping.

A childish grumble escapes you when he hears his words but really, could you even deny it? You’ve been admiring ever since he was sitting up in the lookout chair beneath the umbrella. Hell, you even loved when he looked down at you. “Just being a friendly citizen.” You joke lightly before moving to stand behind him. Blindly, you squirt some of the cool sunscreen onto your hand, placing the tube carefully on the rail to balance before you finally rest your coated hands on his broad shoulders, warm gaze steady on his toned back.

His shoulders tense up for a moment from the cold temperature of the sunscreen but he soon relaxes, eyes glancing over the beach. No one seemed to mind the lifeguard having an openly flirting moment with someone. Usually, he’d be put off physical touch with another in a public space but the excuse is that you’re just helping him. Besides, no one is looking. Kids are too busy building sandcastles to even care of two adults heavily hinting at their mutual attraction towards each other.

Levi is strict on himself but for once, he relaxes further as he feels your fingers gently massaging against his tensed up shoulders, rubbing the white sunscreen until it smoothes over his unblemished skin. You personally enjoy feeling the muscles that work so hard to save lives daily. Maybe that’s what makes him even more attractive in your eyes. The muscles alone aren’t overwhelmingly bulging. It’s just the perfect amount. Your standing close enough for your warm breath to fan across his left shoulder blade, shifting your gaze to steady his face. You swear there were flames hotter than the sun dancing in his hard stare that fixates on the ocean. What could he be thinking?

If only you knew as your hands travel. You squirt more onto your hands, not wanting a slither of his flesh to become burned by the fierce sun. The palms of your hands pressing flat against his back and gently moving along the muscles that easily melt into relaxation from your magical touch. Levi’s teeth bite down hard on the inside of his mouth, not daring to give away just how much he’s enjoying feeling your currently silk-like touch along his body and just towards the upper curve of his behind, thanks to his shorts sitting so low.

Your chin rests on the back of his shoulder, smirking slightly as you continue to stare up at the lifeguard’s face. Levi doesn’t dare to look at you, still. “So wouldn’t it be best to wear a shirt, still? Are they that unpractical?” You ask out of mere curiosity and it encourages a hard sigh from the short male’s lips. “They’re a little restrictive but honestly, I’d be for wearing them. It’s Eren who whines that are apparent hot bodies would attract more people to the beach. God fucking knows why. Mikasa agrees for Eren’s sake. Jean is competitive and wants to prove his body is hotter than Eren’s. Sasha and Connie just happily go along with anything. Armin is a peacemaker so he just agrees to what makes the majority happy. Even the one in charge of us, Erwin, is fine with it. Tch, you think visiting the beach is about seeing the ocean or something.” Levi drawls out, though deep down Levi agrees with anything as well. His squad being chilled out means less on his shoulders.

An amused giggle escapes your lips, biting back a grin. You could hear the fondness in his tone despite his open complaint. You could understand why shirts would be important but selfishly, you’re really happy that they’re rarely on. Though, you know you’d be like some animal on the heat for the gorgeous man whether he was dressed head to toe or not. “Well, I think you look lovely either way so no complaints from me.” You reassure, hands pressing against his lower back and spreading out, your grip managing to stretch out the flesh and a soft groan escapes his lips.

“My front needs working on, too. Since you’re being so kind with helping me.” He grunts between his clenched teeth. You raise an eyebrow, cheeks heating again before you eagerly guide the lifeguard to turn around. He follows the movement of your hands willingly until he’s facing you. For the moment, your bodies are so close that warm breaths form together between you. Only an inch between your lips and his. You could just lean in but, you didn't.

Boldness flows through your veins and so you lean up to whisper against his ear, tongue almost teasing with a light ticklish graze against his earlobe. “I’ll be a good girl and make sure you’re protected.” You pull away with a shy grin, noticing his eyes struggling to not widen with shock from the courage you display. You stifle a laugh, leaning back now and grabbing the sunscreen to squirt more onto your hand, soon lathering it onto both of your hands before you smack them lightly onto his firm chest. Briefly, you could feel his steady heartbeat beneath your palm before you finally took the last needed step and begin to repeat the same motion from when you lathered it onto his back. Your smaller hands glide across, rubbing the creamy substance into his skin, edging down slowly.

Your fingers accidentally brush against one of his sensitive nipples and his fingers twitch. The urge to halt your movements were strong but he pushed through. He watches you with an intense, fiery gaze. Eyes clouding with something mysterious as the pads of your fingers brush along the ridges of his abdomen, admiring the toned muscles that seem so firm in place from heavy training.

You smear the sunscreen across the hard yet soft surface of his stomach, rubbing the cream along his sides and your gaze avoids his. You could feel his soft pants against the side of your face and he seems so drunk off of your touch already, sparking confidence in you. You glance up for a moment before your now daring hands glide along the obvious v-line that leads to somewhere else.

“Such a teasing brat.” Levi mutters quietly, fingers dragging through his silky locks as he watches you, deeply fascinated. You smile innocently, tilting your head. “Just doing my civic duty and helping out a beloved lifeguard of the Paradis beach. Here— Your legs need to be done, too.” You reason gently once you finished with his upper body.

Fuck. He couldn’t believe you’d not care if anyone else on the beach was watching. Levi glances up towards the lookout, noticing Eren’s smirking face through the window at the scene he’s witnessing. Instantly, Eren backs off to keep an eye out on the beach when he noticed Levi’s signature death glare. Tch. Levi watches as you so innocently lower yourself, gripping onto his muscular thighs until your knees make contact with the concrete. There’s a temporary burning sensation across your knees but frankly, maybe you were the one who is too intoxicated from touching him cause you find yourself not giving a damn. A little pain isn’t going to scar you for life and so, you welcome it.

Levi feels almost delirious but he hides it well behind a neutral mask, eyes set on you. Usually caring for physical touch in public right out the window still. The lifeguard desperately excuses it as help. Maybe his back hurts a bit so he can’t reach for his legs. Yeah… That sounds reasonable. Perhaps not for the lifeguard who often refuses help and pleased to show he’s capable of everything but right now, he wants this. He wants to have visions painted in his mind from pleasant memories of you down on your knees in front of him. Arms cross against his chest and he leans against the rail.

You reach for the sunscreen and continue to look up. Your head is tilted back enough for the moment so he could see how your clouded gaze is looking up at him from beneath his cap that you were still wearing. Long lashes fluttering so prettily and he couldn’t help but wonder— No. He needs to stay on task. Levi shifts his knee up to brush lightly against your chin, silently encouraging you to continue. You pout slightly from not even seeing him budge in the slightest when it comes to whether he’s deeply wrapped up in your behaviour but obediently, you squirt the last bit of sunscreen onto your hands and quickly, work it into his thighs and down the length of his legs. Surprisingly, his legs seem quite long despite being short. His body is perfectly proportioned. You tenderly squeeze along his thigh muscles and even down to his calves, admiring what must be the structure of some God.

Grudgingly, you finish down to his ankles and notice his hand extending down towards you. You take hold of it, feeling the warmth spread through you and butterflies fluttering and you’re easily hoisted up by the lifeguard’s strength. You almost stumble but his swift grip onto your waist and hands resting on his chest is enough to stabilise you. A soft chuckle escapes the lifeguard and you feel his hand pulling on the cap, pushing it further down.

“Thank you, love. A saviour to a lifeguard, huh? Definitely protected now, feel like sunshine is just repelling off of my body.” Levi hums softly, grabbing hold of the sunscreen from your grasp, fingers brushing against your fingers. “Always happy to save the day but it’s your turn now to do the saving. Shall I go jump in the ocean now? Is that enough to prompt you to save me?”

Levi couldn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes, though the corners of his lips twitch slightly. It’s difficult for him to not smile when you’re being silly. “Well, I will be doing my job but don’t be an idiot and drown yourself. I better resume my shift properly now. Your teasing ways have been halted.” He sighs, hinting at the fact that your hands practically groped him happily as you massaged the sunscreen in. It’s a good thing that no one was actively watching, all too distracted by their little worlds.

You bite back a grin, hand coming up to take the cap off. You suddenly feel his fingers delicately wrap around your wrist. “Keep it. You proved to me that you keep your promises.” The lifeguard reassures, now pulling away. He needs to move to one of the furthest chair lookouts on the beach for the afternoon.

No— You didn’t want to be away from him. What was going on with you? Why are you so drawn towards him? “I- I’ll be back tomorrow! My friends want to come and we’ll be around. You’ll keep an eye out for me?” You ask, pleading with the older male with your eyes. He’s staring for a good few seconds before forcing himself to look away, hands naturally resting on his hips. Tch. He’s never been weak for someone but why is it that you could ask him to burn the world and he’d contemplate about doing it? Does this mean later as whatever relationship this is, blossoms, he’d do it? Mentally, the lifeguard tried to excuse every thought that lingered in his mind.

“Yeah, I’ll be sure to try and search for you through the hundreds that visit this beach. Don’t worry.” Levi sighs dramatically, hands resting on your shoulders to give a brief squeeze before guiding you off of the cement block in the sand. “I have to go, Y/N. Get home safely. I’ll find you tomorrow.” Levi reassures, stepping down as well. Your feet easily sink into the soft sand a little and the dark-haired lifeguard is nearly pressing up against you.

Briefly, his thumb and index finger pinch your chin lightly, leaning towards you momentarily. You feel your breath hitch from the contact, unable to stop yourself from leaning into his touch. “You make ice cream taste sweeter.” Levi murmurs. The moment was fleeting. Levi was already pulling away, his hand gripping onto his opposite shoulder to roll slowly, stretching out his muscles.

“Go home. Rest.” The lifeguard says once more before finally, he begins to jog in his desired direction. You swear you must have been in Baywatch or something cause everything seemed to slow down as you watch him with your fiery gaze, eyes lingering on his toned ass in the signature red shorts.

No— No, no, no.

You frantically shake your head to snap out of it before finally deciding to head home, walking in the same direction but already, he was far in the distance. Your fingers linger at your lips, faintly remembering the taste of the sweet ice cream and smiling to yourself. Tomorrow needs to come and fast.

——————————-

“You’re telling me that this beach is FULL of hot lifeguards but you’re only craving one of them? What about that— Eren, was it? He seems like he knows how to make you cream hard. Like— Over and over.”

Instantly, your hand smacks against your forehead, resting back against your large beach towel as you groan quietly. Your best friend always has a lovely way of choosing her words. You have the same signature cap on, tilted slightly to block out the sun, your one-piece swimsuit is a gorgeous red and maybe you wore it to feel even closer to a particular lifeguard. It’s silly. This crush of yours. Instantly developing on day one and it’s only the third day. You wondered how deeply infatuated you could potentially be in months if you’re already drowning happily in the thoughts of him.

Yes, other lifeguards exist on the beach and are incredibly hot. Eren with a cherry flavoured lollipop dangling from his lips and shades covering his eyes, openly and jokingly flirting with you and your friends before moving on to inspect the beach. Your best friend was practically drooling from the sight of his gorgeous eight-pack and that’s when you decided to tell her you were only interested in one. The one you mentioned over the phone. Levi Ackerman. Eren is hot, you’re no idiot. It’s just Levi has such a strong hold of you. Almost choking and leaving you gasping for air but that’s what you wanted. To be completely wrapped up in someone. Devoted to a man who is devoted to protecting the beach. You wonder if he’d open up to the idea of being devoted to you as well. You sigh out softly, gaze almost longing as you stare up at the clear blue sky.

“You can go chase Eren, he’s hot. He’s just not..”

“He’s not Levi.”

Your best friend sighs out dramatically, almost shaking her head in disbelief before she crawls towards you. It’s only you two on the warm sand at the moment. Your other friends are having fun splashing each other in the ocean. You watch as the other female hovers over you, eyes full of warmth. “Why don’t you try to find him later? I’m sure he’d be happy for you. Well— You’d be happy to see him. Probably would wet yourself out of exicte— Hey!” Her words are cut off with a loud laugh as you jump at her, rolling around until you’re on top.

Your fingers jab into her sides, coaxing another giggle to escape. You pout slightly, flustered from her words. “It’s not my fault that he’s so gorgeous, huh! You’d understand once you see him.” You huff playfully, pressing a dramatic kiss to her cheek. Your best friend sighs dramatically, cupping your cheeks to squish them. “You’re an absolute simp. For an older man as well. Come on! Let’s go swimming.” She grins at you, tugging on your hand. You couldn’t help but grin, always feeling energised from being around you. With your best friend’s help, you hoist yourself off of your towel, pulling the cap off of your head to tuck carefully away in your bag. You didn’t want anyone to see it and take something that you find yourself caring so much about.

With soft giggles and loud cheers, both of you sprint towards the ocean, feet sinking into the sand with each step. You both splash into the shallow waves that stroke along the sand. You gasp sharply from feeling the cold lap at your feet but you push through, running with your hand tightly gripping onto your best friend’s hand until it reaches the waist. You spread your hands out, basking into the warm sunrays and the sand beneath swirling around your feet from the constant movement. You find yourself feeling happy from the cool water against your bare skin, legs feeling even smoother when they rub beneath the water.

You flinch when your best friend splashes water at you and you lick your lips, tasting the saltiness. You narrow your eyes playfully before you jump at her, aiming to have her soaked from head to toe. The ocean acts as a resistance between you both but, it doesn’t stop the other female from escaping as you hug around her neck tightly, dunking her beneath the surface before letting go. You watch as she splutters a little once she’s above the ocean level, pouting at you.

“You’re an absolute brat, Y/N.” Your best friend whines, splashing more of the salty water at you. You stick your tongue out playfully, feeling the wind blowing your wet strands of hair gently around you. Huh. Another perfect day, you couldn’t help but think to yourself and utterly oblivious to the slowly developing rip near you; waves of water finding a lack of area to naturally pull back into the salty sea. You dip your head back into the ocean, grateful that the beach is known for being one of the cleanest on the planet. You could only assume that Levi is a heavy contribution when it comes to zero pollution.

“Y/N, is that him?” Your best friend asks, coaxing you out of your relaxed state. You carefully peek in the direction where your best friend is pointing and in the distance is indeed, the man who is holding you so tightly. Figuratively. You shift to stand up, the water reaching just above your waist, feeling a gentle pull that you only assume are the easy waves pushing out and pulling back in. Naturally, you feel hotter than before, despite the ocean keeping you cool. It’s his fault. He’s able to leave you all tingly and squirming even without being near you. Your gaze lingers on the dark-haired male who appears to have not noticed you yet but, he’s looking around quite often, more so for a lifeguard who usually fixates on an area for several moments before onto the next. Is the— No… He couldn’t be.

If only you knew. Levi’s grey eyes are searching for you. The lifeguard is dedicated to his job and so, it’s only a given that it’s natural for him to watch out for the visitors of the beach today. When his head tilts to inspect the rockpools that are forbidden to the public. There are even ropes tied off to metal poles drilled deep into the rocks and warning signs for the public to stay away. That it’s not safe with jagged rocks and nasty little critters who love to visit. Does that stop a lost child trying to climb up the awkwardly placed rocks on the side of the beach? Apparently not.

“Fucking hell, where are your parents..” Levi mutters beneath his breath, attention briefly off of the ocean as he walks the two hundred metres towards the small cliff of rocks that leads up to the small pools. “Hey, kid.” Levi calls out with a warm tone. The small boy turns around, hands gripping weakly onto the rocks. The child wasn’t going to make it far at all. Levi leans over the small child, his bigger hands smothering the child’s hands gently. “That’s not for climbing, hm? Are you lost?” When Levi asks the child, he easily guides the small boy away from the rocks and kneels. The child struggling to form words simply nods his head.

Why do parents seem to lose their children so easily? Levi couldn’t help but wonder. Sure, it’s difficult when children love to explore and are deeply fascinated by the smallest of things, like a seagull eating a fry but, really? “Come on, let’s go find them, hm? Can I pick you up?” Levi extends his arms out, offering a very brief yet soft smile. Instantly, the small boy practically stumbles into Levi’s arms, cheek rubbing against Levi’s warm chest. Levi wraps his arms carefully around the child, allowing the child’s behind to rest on his forearm before he stands up.

Levi takes his time to approach the general population of the beach, allowing the child now to ramble into his ear like an overly excited kid seems to do. His hand reassuringly rubbing along the boy’s back and instantly, his piercing gaze now flickers to a middle-aged lady storming in his direction, arms wildly swinging.

‘Tch. Great.’

“What do you think you’re doing with my son!?” The middle-aged lady practically roared as her hands launch out to try and grab hold of her child. Naturally, Levi pulls back and tightens his hold. One hand comes out to halt her movements, eyebrow arching. “Excuse me? Calm down before you hurt either of us or your child.” Levi scolds before carefully setting the child down. The small boy is holding calmly onto Levi’s fingers and his mother rather aggressively pulls her child away.

“How dare you! Are you trying to kidnap him? I’ll call the cops on you.”

An amused scoff escapes Levi, finding that blood is rushing to the tips of his ears and leaving him angry. The crowd behind the lady seems to become loud and restless and Levi needs to move on to find what was going on. He gestures to both the red shorts that are low on his hips and the whistle around his neck. “Ma’am, I’m a lifeguard and your son was alone and trying to climb dangerous rocks. How about you watch your child instead of your phone or some shit?” The dark-haired male remarks before trying to move on. The lady pushes at his smooth, bare chest, scowling. “No, no! You’re staying right here. You have no right to talk to my child! That’s the issue here, not me losing him. I don’t care if you’re a lifeguard and save lives. You’re a pervert! I’m calling the cops.”

Levi openly scowls at the stupid woman in front of him. He doesn’t have time for a raging Karen. The lady whips out her phones and begins to dial for the police. “You’re going to look like a fucking idiot when they arrive but go on.” Levi spits out, not bothering to keep his cool when he usually does. He tries to move past her but again, she pushes him back. The child whining from his mother’s strong grip. “Let me go do my job before I drag you off my beach.” He threatens with a deadly calm voice. The crowd behind the woman is even more restless than before and that’s when he notices a female stumbling towards him.

The lifeguard manages to move aside and catch the female. Her arms desperately grabbing onto his toned biceps and she’s crying heavily, face red and blotchy. “Hey, what’s wrong? It’s alright, I have you.” Levi says, managing to shove the middle-aged lady off of his back, hands gentle on the younger female. “Pl-Please, you have to help her! My best friend! We got caught in a rip and a-as she guided me out, she got sucked in further. Please!! Help, Y/N. She’s drowning!”

Levi’s blood rushes cold from hearing both the horrific situation that the older lady was preventing him from attending to and, that it’s you that’s in danger. His hand firmly grips onto your best friend’s hand to give a reassuring squeeze. “Come on. No time.” He states and when he moves in the same direction that your best friend is pulling him towards. The middle-age grips onto his forearm, trying to pull him back. “No, you’re staying here until the police come!” She exclaims in disgust. With his inability to control his temper that he’s usually perfect at and knowing you’re in danger, Levi rips his arm out of her grip, seeing red from the pure anger pumping throughout his entire body.

“FUCK OFF.”

Levi’s voice laces with your best friend’s and he glances towards her, noticing the tears still spilling but sharing the anger, obvious by her piercing gaze. The mother is shocked from having the pair yell at her, scoffing and pulling away but continues to call the cops. Whatever. Not Levi’s problem. With his hand still comfortably gripping onto your best friend’s hand, he sprints down the cleared area on the beach, sand flicking up with each movement. His heart is racing with dread, hoping that he wouldn’t be too late. This would never usually happen. Levi is the master of multi-tasking when it comes to helping lost children and saving people from danger but the conflict prevented that from happening. Stupid. So damn stupid.

“Th-There!” Your best friend chokes out, pointing out towards the previous part of the ocean that she was swimming in. The rip is a dangerous one. The pulling of waves back into the ocean rapid and aggressive. Fuck. Just in the far distance, Levi could spot your head struggling to stay above the water, arms weakly splashing before exhaustion takes over and you start to sink. The crowd is in distress and he sees Eren jogging from the other end.

“Take care of the crowd!” Levi calls out to Eren before he lets go of your best friend’s hand and begins to run directly into the rip. It’s crazy for an average citizen to do but as a lifeguard, he’s trained to face them head-on. To have a strong body that handles endurance and the heavy pull of a rip. Is it preferred to have equipment like a board when rescuing? Most definitely but alas, when there’s zero time, Levi had to take the chances and know that he’ll survive, thanks to his intensive training. Already, he feels the shallow water at his feet trying to tug him in and he sprints forward, heart racing with both adrenalin and anxiety. ‘Y/N, fuck. Please be okay. I’m coming.’ Levi thinks, diving gracefully into the pulling water. The rip embraces his body happily, wanting to pull him in deep and leave him exhausted but, with his muscles tense and swift kicks of his legs, Levi manages to meet your body.

You weren’t moving. Your body is still being dragged out to sea but naturally, Levi’s arm wraps around your waist to pull you close to him. He uses his free arm to aid himself in swimming parallel with the beach, moving sideways and further out of the rip. He could feel his body being pushed back, keeping both his head and yours above the waterline. God, he wished he had his board. His muscles strain with each time his arm drags through the resisting water, legs kicking beneath. “It will be okay, Y/N!” He calls out, being greeted by a wave that flows towards the shore from next to the rip.

Relief washes over him when there isn’t any more resistance, meaning that he managed to swim out and still have a protective hold of you. Your body is limp in his arms, floating in the water like a ragdoll. Water threatens to drip into his eyes from wet strands of hair but he ignores it as he pushes towards the shoreline until finally, his feet make contact with the soft sand of the shallow waters. He’s panting heavily, noticing Eren nervously looking back to see if Levi needed assistance but people were horrified, trying to inch closer to watch. “Everyone, back off!” He calls out, gently pushing the crowd back. Levi’s legs feel weak from the heavy use of them, arms hooked beneath your shoulders to drag you carefully up along the sand until he lays you back against the damp sand, panting softly. Instincts as a lifeguard kick in instantly and he’s going through the process to prepare for CPR.

First, he’s desperate to check for a response. Tender hands cup your cheeks. “Y/N, can you hear me?” His hands coming down to shake at your shoulders. Nothing. Fuck. His fingers gently press down on your chin, guiding your mouth to open. Carefully, he checks for any signs of breathing by holding his hand beneath your nose and hovering over your mouth. There’s no faint touch of a breath against his fingers or palm. Double fuck. Quickly, his fingers press against your pulse line in your neck and he feels nothing. This couldn’t be happening. It feels like a bucket of ice-cold water of horror was dumped all over him. He needs to stay calm. His hands tensing up to avoid the trembling.

“Eren, I’ll be starting CPR. Call in the paramedics.” Levi calls out to the younger lifeguard, not bothering to watch as he shifts himself to lean on his knees. The dark-haired male rests his palm on the centre of your chest, the fingers of his free hand easily slotting in between the gaps of his other hand. With no time to waste, he begins to start with compressions. His hands firmly pressing against your chest, pumping steadily and counting up to a hundred and twenty. A hand comes up to gently pinch your nose, the palm resting lightly on your forehead and your lips still parted.

Swiftly, two of his fingers carefully dip in to inspect that your airways are clear and you’re not choking on anything, not daring to poke in deep and once cleared, Levi inhales deeply before his lips barely press against yours and he blows in deeply until all of the air left his lungs. He then tilts his head until his ear is hovering over your mouth, gazing at your chest, watching as it falls slowly. He is quick to repeat the action another five times, lips barely pressed against yours as he blows deep amounts of air into your lungs.

The crowd is restless, trying to peek around both Eren and another lifeguard who has arrived. “The paramedics will be here any moment, Levi!” Eren calls out, arms extending out to block. Your best friend peeking from behind Eren, clearly in distress. The dark-haired lifeguard takes note of what he heard but continues, his hands coming back to the centre of your chest, beginning the next set of compressions, panting out between each push down onto your chest.

Suddenly, you splutter out the water that was trapped in your lungs, droplets mixed with saliva splattering across your face and your eyes scrunched tightly before you inhale sharply, desperate for oxygen. Your chest is screaming at you to relax as your heart races hard. Not wanting you to choke further on the salty water, Levi carefully rolls you onto your side, one hand on your waist and the other gently patting your back, making sure not to be too rough. His own heart is racing, in time with yours. He feels beyond relief. Happy. Thrilled. Hell, even concern and anger. Anger towards a certain old lady holding him back because if she didn’t, the threat of your life wouldn’t be on the line. Still, he’s so damn relieved. Adrenalin causing his body to shake as you roll onto your back once more, breathing deeply as if you haven’t breathed in so long.

Everything is confusing and you flinch from hearing loud cheers around you. Your best friend pushing past Eren and stumbling towards you. Instantly, Levi’s hand extends out to halt her from touching you. “Careful.” He warns gently and you blink slowly, eyes flickering between you both. What.. happened? Your short-term memory is momentarily unstable. “Stay still, Y/N. The paramedics will be here soon.” Levi reassures, glancing up to scan the crowd. Already, he could see a pair of paramedics rushing towards the scene, carrying a portable stretcher between them.

“Wh-What happened?” You manage to cough out, a hand coming up to rub at your aching chest. Tenderly, Levi’s thumb strokes along your cheek, gazing down at you. He’s silent for a moment, deciding on his words. “Consider me selfish but, I had to bring you back to life.” He mumbles softly, looking off to watch the paramedics set the stretcher along the damp sand. Naturally, your eyes widen from the news and vaguely, you begin to remember some details. Being caught in the rip. You pushing your best friend to encourage them to swim parallel to the beach, only for the salty water in front of you pushing you back and soon enough, you were frantic. The panic taking over the knowledge you have of dangers on the beach.

You drowned and Levi rescued you. He breathed life back into you on the shore, people anxiously watching. Tears prickle at the corners of your eyes, face scrunching up and weakly reaching out for him. With ease, Levi takes hold of your hand. “Just keep on breathing in deep. Do you feel any sharp pains?” He asks softly, glancing towards your best friend. She’s sniffling softly, wiping at her face. “No, feel okay. ‘M not too good but alive.” You mumble softly, using your free hand to reassuringly stroke along your best friend’s bare thigh.

The paramedics squat down on either side of Levi, already kicking in to check your vitals. “She’ll have to come to the hospital for a checkup. She might be able to go home tonight if everything is all good for the next few hours but we have to be sure. If you’re able to leave your shift, please attend with us. She might still be facing trauma and health problems.” The paramedic to Levi’s right states, satisfied with your condition for the moment. Naturally, Levi pulls away for the moment, offering your best friend to stand up. “Can you collect her stuff for me? I’ll have her call you.” He asks softly, resting his hand on the female’s shoulder to give a reassuring squeeze. “I’ll take care of her.” He says, backing up with further reassurance.

Your best friend is sniffling, suddenly hugging tightly around the middle, hands pressing against his bareback. Awkwardly, his hands hover above her back, not wanting to make her uncomfortable. “Thank you for saving her. I’ll— I’ll go get her stuff.” She states before rushing off, not wanting to waste time. You were watching the entire time, tears threatening to spill still. The paramedics were carefully moving you onto the stretcher, insisting for you to relax and not strain your body further. Even when you insisted you were okay with walking.

You continue to watch. Levi discussing things over with Eren and the other lifeguard, noticing heads nodding eagerly and gesturing for Levi to go. There was no time for Levi to even grab a shirt, still, only in the signature red shorts, hair wet from the ocean and droplets of water gliding along with his lean figure. The paramedics lift the stretcher off of the sand just as Levi takes hold of your backpack, swinging it onto his shoulder. The crowd parts to allow you to be carried away with no issues and your hands come up to cover your face, wanting to fade away from the humiliation you felt, not wanting to be in public’s attention as they whispered around you.

Your mind is like a fierce whirlwind with thoughts, still facing disbelief that you ended up drowning despite desperately trying to escape, only for Levi to breathe air back into you and jumpstart your heart back to beating. You barely processed that the stretcher slides gracefully into the back of the ambulance and the lifeguard joins you, settling down next to you. You flinch slightly from the slam of the ambulance doors, one paramedic in the back with the pair of you.

“Y/N.” Levi calls out for you softly, scooting to the edge of the metal bench. Instantly, your hand grasps around his, slotting your fingers through the gaps of his and looking towards him. If it wasn’t for this man right next to you… You wouldn’t be part of this world anymore. It’s overwhelming. Heart clenching with so much relief and adoration for the older male. A small hiccup escapes you, bottom lip trembling and tears now spilling down your hot cheeks. The dark-haired male’s gaze softens, ignoring the existence of the paramedic and uses his free hand to come up, cupping your cheek.

Carefully, his thumb brushes away the tears. “You sa-saved me.” You hiccup out quietly, tilting your head to nuzzle against the warmth of his palm. “Well, it’s my job after all.” Levi jokes lightly, his palm squishing your cheek as he drags his hand along until his slender fingers brush through your locks, hoping to ease the tangling from the salty water. You giggle softly, shaking your head. “Don’t do that again.” The older male sighs out softly, his hand appearing to not be able to stop touching you as it smoothes down your bare arm, eyebrows knitting together to form a frown. You feel confused, mirroring his frown.

“Don’t. Don't put someone else before yourself again when it comes to your life.”

In reality, Levi understands why you did it. It was your best friend and since day one, Levi could tell you have a heart of gold and an incredible amount of empathy. Still, it brings pain to his heart. The thought of losing you. If it wasn’t for your best friend grabbing his attention, who knows what would have happened. His hand holding yours is gripping tightly. If that raging Karen was just doing her job as a parent, he would have saved you instantly from the dangerous rip. He cares about you.

You smile softly, chest rising and falling slowly. Your chest is aching less, not clogged up by water anymore. “I had to. She’s my best friend.” You mumble softly, ignoring as the paramedic inspects your vitals once more, just allowing them to attach you to whatever. You don’t care to pay attention, even if you’re grateful for them taking care of you. Levi pulls both of his hands away, trembling fingers dragging through his tousled hair. His heart feels heavy with dread. “I know, but fuck. Y/N. I was scared. I'm rarely scared and yet I was so fucking scared that I didn’t get you in time. I mean, I didn’t. You died for the moment and if I wasn’t trained in first aid, who knows what would have happened. I’m just glad you’re here. Fucking Karens distracting me.” He groans out of frustration, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Butterflies are born in your gut, fluttering wildly from hearing his words. You couldn’t even pay attention to the roasting words about middle-aged women. He was scared to lose you? Was the attraction mutual? Were you both developing feelings ever so slowly or, was it just because it’s his job. You could only assume that he was feeling guilt from not getting to you in time. With a huff and your arms trembling, you attempt to hoist yourself up until you’re sitting. “Hey—“ The paramedic starts, only to stop with a sigh and deciding to allow you to sit up. They adjust the back levels of the stretcher so you could rest your back against it. You mumble your gratitude before you bend slightly to face Levi.

“Come closer.” You huff, pouting. Levi rolls his eyes dramatically before he willingly moves forward until his crossed arms are resting on the rails. “I’m sorry for scaring you, Levi. Thank you for saving me. I love the beach and I— should have seen signs but I was too oblivious, having fun with my best friend. It’s important to me to keep her safe but I promise I’ll be careful, nn? No more danger.” You promise and despite your body feeling so weak from exhaustion and trauma leaving you rattled, you bring your hand up to cup both of his cheeks. They feel so warm against your palms.

His half-lidded gaze is fixated on your face, silently wondering in pure awe how you could be so pretty despite what just happened. The corners of your lips form a tired yet genuine smile. You like him. You do. Even before he became your hero and saved you. Levi relaxes himself to rest his face in your gentle hold, gazing into your eyes that he finds so beautiful. Not that he’d say that so openly. You nervously lick your lips. “Can I kiss you?” You ask through a soft squeak, positioning your body to keep the silent paramedic hidden. No one will ruin this for either of you.

An amused chuckle escapes his tiers, pleased from you being the first to ask. “A kiss from a gorgeous girl? How can I deny that? Go on, baby love. Kiss me.” The lifeguard mutters, leaning in. The pet name warms your heart, making you feel like you’re swimming in a pool of gentle gold. You smile towards him before completing the gap and press your plush lips onto his soft tiers. Your breath is stolen away once more for the day but this time, you wanted it. You shift your hand to the back of his head, nails scraping along the light buzzcut before fingers thread through his damp hair. You pour all of your gratitude and deep attraction for the older male into the kiss.

For that moment, Levi accepts affection with ease. Even when someone else was in the moving ambulance. For him, everything around just faded to black. Your lips managing to have a hint of sweetness despite swallowing salty water. His arms stay comfortably crossed against the rails of the stretcher, tilting his head to the side and deepening the kiss. Tiers fitting so perfectly together, moving in sync and savouring the taste of each other’s lips. Addicted already. His fingers tighten around the rail for the moment as he holds himself back, not wanting to completely devour you just yet.

You find yourself feeling light-headed. Probably the curse of drowning only recently and so, you pull away with a soft pant. Levi gaze is holding fondness, the pad of his index finger resting against your forehead and pushing you back until you’re resting with your back against the thin mattress of the stretcher. “Tch. Now rest. I don’t want you to push yourself.” Levi warns, leaning back. You pout slightly. “Honestly, I feel fine? I don’t think going to the hospital is needed.” You try to reason through a soft whine. Really. You feel fine. Perfectly alive. Maybe a little frazzled, guilty, scared and exhausted but, you’re fine. Levi shakes his head. “That won’t work on me, Y/N. Come on, it will be good for the both of us if you rest.” He says, arching an eyebrow as if daring for you to retaliate. You didn’t.

Comfortable silence fills the air. Only the sounds of gentle beeping and wheels against the road. You feel like the happiest person right now, despite the terrible experience. Deep fear still lingers but you’re relieved that at the moment, you could think about his lips against yours. That feelings are mutual. You’re grateful for the escape.

“Do you want to come to a bonfire this weekend? I’ll be there. The other lifeguards as well. You can bring your best friend.”

You blink from hearing the sudden invitation, turning your head to look at him. Steel-grey eyes are staring right back at you, prompting your cheeks to feel warm, looking down at your hands. “I’d like that.” You confess breathlessly. Pleased with your response, Levi relaxes, one leg crossing over the other. “I’ll send you the details once you’ve been discharged, love. For now, do get some rest. You’ve had a rough day at Paradis.” The dark-haired lifeguard insists, intense gaze warning you to just accept and behave.

You nod your head obediently, not daring to whine for even a second and settle comfortably in the stretcher, finding comfort in the butterflies in your stomach. It was near impossible to hide the smile that blossoms across your visage when you feel the warmth of his hand enveloping yours.

You find yourself thinking that your version of heaven on Earth comes in the form of Levi Ackerman and thank god, you’re alive on Earth.

---

#fae's writing #fae; my love.#levi; writing.#fae; lifeguard!au.#levi x reader #aot x reader #levi x y/n #levi scenario #aot scenario #aggressively pokes fingers together #please be kind and tell me your thoughts #i'll again do my best to improve my writing

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ackerfics · 3 years ago

Note

congrats on 600!! and, Clove with eren🤧

wrestle me free from the war — eren jaeger

— eren jaeger x female reader (canonverse)

— prompt: clove; i have loved you and you have not known it.

— warnings: angst (you asked for it and i shall deliver), typical canon violence, mentions of blood, kids being little shits, spoilers to those who haven't watched season 4

— summary: love came in the form of you—eren was just unaware of how deeply you become rooted in his heart because of your first encounter with him, a sacred meeting set by many timelines and lifetimes.

— word count: 11.6k (i don't regret it bc words just fly through the keyboard jndjww)

— notes: awww, thank you for requesting and for those words, anon uwu just to let you guys know, i cried while writing this. that's enough for you to know how this pained me hhhhhh btw, i took inspiration from fluerie's hurts like hell and miia's dynasty while writing, i keep repeating those songs bc they hurt so much and i love the atmosphere it created in my room. ooh, and there will be references of the song of achilles here owo happy reading, everyone !! (to those who wanted soft eren, have this treat <3)

reblogs and feedback are greatly appreciated !! <3

this is part of my 600 milestone event !!

Love came in the form of a five-year-old holding a plate of decadent biscuits in front of the Jaegers’ open doorway.

“Good morning!” Almost like a sprite from one of those expensive fairy tales from the bookstore up ahead, the brightest chime illuminated the wood interior of the Jaeger household. It was a mystery, all in itself, to have someone this cheery early in the morning. “Hello, Mrs. Jaeger. Is Doctor Jaeger around?” His father? What would this pixie want with his father? Eren tried making a sneak peek at the person in front of their door but his mother blocked the view, only for the boy of five to huff a troubled frown. “Oh.” The tone of the person’s (more like a kid his age) voice quietened in disappointment. “Well, this gift extends to you, too, Mrs. Jaeger. This is a ‘thank you’ gift to Doctor Jaeger for curing Mother of her sickness. I hope you enjoy them!”

“Aw, how sweet.” This caught Eren’s attention. His mother never cooed at anyone, except for him obviously. So, he craned his entire body to get a glimpse of the figure at their door. The reason why he never stood up from his seat at the dining table to greet the sprite was that he didn’t want them to have the impression that he was excited to meet someone new. Eren was a boy of very few friends (read: none at all) and he was contented with the people he acknowledged as his inner circle (mainly his family). His stream of thoughts was interrupted when his mother chuckled. “I’m sure we’ll enjoy this, little [Name].” Ah, a name. It sounds pretty to Eren’s ears. That fact prompted him to lean even further on the dining table—just to give him the satisfaction that he saw a sprite from the woods in the outskirts of Wall Maria. “Ooh, they look so adorable, too! Did you make this yourself, darling?”

“Yes, I did, Mrs. Jaeger. I made some animal-shaped ones because Mother told me you have a kid my age. I want the biscuits to be as cute as possible for them as well!”

“Just your luck because he’s here right now. Eren! Someone’s here to meet you.”

Spring blew in every direction the moment his mother shifted her body to show the fairy in the doorway. Just like the mythological creature plaguing Eren’s mind, the daintiest little girl stood on the other side of the door. An air of serenity came from her, even if she’s beaming a radiant grin when his teal irises met hers. (Eren had to narrow his eyes at the brightness of her countenance.) Eren never saw her while he was playing around the neighborhood but he always heard the story of the pretty girl in their part of town—of the sheltered daughter of Shiganshina’s artiste that was a subject of most of her paintings. The dripping sand that ticked away the seconds came to an abrupt stop, the stagnant flow of time surrounding the little boy of brown hair as he became curious at the girl who reminded him of something. Silver light spilled from the girl’s countenance, shrouding Eren in a cool pool of a midnight blue lake filled with endless specks of stars. He came to know that he sometimes saw glimpses of her from an opened window a few houses down the street, a phantom of a given light that flickered like a tiny wisp. It was only this time that he saw her in her full glory.

“Hello, Eren! My name is [Name], it’s so nice to meet you!” Even your waves looked like someone a mystical creature could do.

Eren pursed his lips, looking away from you with a faint tint of blush covering the apples of his cheeks. “Nice to meet you, too.”

“Let’s play tomorrow, okay?”

The boy glanced at his mother, who was sporting an endeared expression. Guess there was no other choice. “Of course, what do you want to play?” By now, he was slowly standing up to make his way to the opened doorway, eyes still trained on the wood paneling of their house’s floor. Eren stood in front of the girl named [Name] yet he never met her gaze again for fear of getting sucked in an illusion of a moonlit spring night, with the breeze carrying the scent of blossoms. “I have a few toys in my room that we can play with.”

“That sounds perfect, Eren! I’ll bring my dolls over, too. They were tailored by Mother so I’m excited to show them to you. Their dresses are all so beautiful and I hope you like them!”

Eren never played with anything close to dolls but he was willing to try. “I’m looking forward to it.”

Your smile was the only reply.

Love came in the form of you—Eren was just unaware of how deeply you become rooted in his heart because of that encounter, a sacred meeting set by many timelines and lifetimes.

“You’re so reckless, you know that, right?”

Eren doesn’t know how such a pretty yet fragile being could exist in his life.

Your fingers fretted over his bruised face, touch akin to the snowflakes dripping from the timberwolf gray sky during winter. A lock of your hair fell from the makeshift wildflower hairclip that Mikasa gave you a month before, prompting you to blow it away from your face before Eren can reach out to tuck it behind your ear. Your beautiful eyes were narrowed in a little glare that didn’t scare him in the slightest as you dabbed his skin with a damp cloth. For some reason, your anger never toppled Eren from his pedestal, even finding it endearing sometimes. However, what he did earlier was something he was slightly ashamed of. There’s no reason for him to create a commotion in the marketplace. But when the subject of some kids’ conversation involved you—Eren’s mind instantly went blank. Especially if the remarks included how you look like an untouched maiden despite you being ten years old. Eren didn’t hesitate running headfirst into the teenagers speaking ill of you—Mikasa in tow and Armin screaming that it’s not worth it, guys, [Name] won’t like this!

The moment the fight was discovered by the Garrison soldiers stationed in Shiganshina’s walls, all of them dispersed in various directions. He doesn’t even remember why he found himself in front of your house, his two friends nowhere in sight. Maybe he ran as if he’s seeking his lifeline—which is the person who opened the door, hands gripping the doorknob and eyes widening at his battered state. You instantly ushered him inside, pressing your hands on his shoulders to let him settle in the living room. As you rummaged for a clean towel to clean his wounds, Eren was mulling over as to why he chose you to be the one tending his injuries. His mother was always the one who did it. So, why did he automatically think of you while running from the Garrison? His questions became unanswered—the only clues he had were the fast pace of his heart and the slight heat in his cheeks when you finally entered the same room as him, scowl fixed on your face.

Now, he could only stay silent as he gazed at your adorable visage with an unyielding stare.

Eren scoffed, arms crossed on his chest and eyes scouring the pictures displayed on the walls opposite him. “I’m not being reckless.”

There’s a picture of you with your mother, a smile reaching your eyes in crinkles. Then, a portrait of you stood beside it, displayed on a wooden easel. The colors were a vivid blend of oranges, pinks, and reds, with your giggling face as the subject. It was one of the most beautiful paintings Eren saw in his life, mostly because you were depicted as a little sprite from the woodlands—flowers decorating your hair and life sprouting from your fingertips at each twinkling laugh. You never smiled like that these days. His iridescent green irises searched for you, comparing the frown on your face at the moment to the beauteous grin you donned in the picture and the painting. Right when he opens his mouth to remark how you should smile more often, you stood up from your seat with your hands patting your lap.

“Not reckless?” you asked him, mimicking his position. This time, you got the upper hand for standing tall on your feet. “Eren,” you said his name with an exasperated sigh, “fights aren’t the only solution to an argument. I don’t know the full story but it seems like you got yourself into something pointless this time. Was Armin getting picked on again?” At the purse of his lips, you knew the answer. “See? What’s the reason?” Thinking that probably you’re going off too strong and haughty, you released the tension on your shoulders and softened your glare. “I’m sorry for being angry but you can always tell me, ‘Ren.”

The nickname made his heart jump. He looked away from you with faintly reddened cheeks yet his face was scrunched in distaste. “They were talking about you.”

This wasn’t what you expected. You blinked before tilting your head in confusion. “Me?” Eren remained silent so you take the chance to continue your inquiries. “Why would you go into a fight for something that simple? I can take what they say—I don’t put them to heart, Eren.”

Eren clenched his fists. “Because,” he gritted out, “they were speaking something insulting about you!” There were flecks of gold inside lining his iris, blazing with the fervent determination to keep others from sullying your name. You’re supposed to be one of the kindest people he knew and teenagers have no right to talk about you like you’re a prospective bride ready to bear children. It disgusted him—the teenage boys’ words. And as Eren looked at you with those eyes that seem to glow like the morning star, he hoped you understand where he’s coming from. “I don’t want them to speak things like that about you! You shouldn’t be labeled things that can hinder you from doing more. Why are you just letting them run you over like that?”

“I get your point, Eren,” you murmured. “But why did you use violence? Mikasa could’ve easily told them off.”

“Because,” the boy of emeralds trailed off, never knowing the answer.

Maybe it had something to do with how you smiled as Armin relayed what he read, with you exclaiming that you want to venture with the blond to see the sights beyond the walls. Or it could be because it has become your goal—to walk along the tranquil sea-green waters that span a thousandfold with only the horizon further ahead. For Eren, you are more than just a potential bride for the young men loitering around Shiganshina. You carry an entire map of stars inside your heart, your brilliant irises showing each constellation so vividly to him that he can’t help but prove to everyone that you shouldn’t be shackled in the future. You carved something in the purest of diamonds—a dream that’s etched upon the seasons, bursting through the seams like an unstoppable force. And he admires you because of that. You created this tune inside of him that awakened a foreign feeling that he never felt with anyone. Eren has no idea why you make him feel this way, why he wants to—

“… Protect you.”

Your breath hitched at the intensity of Eren’s stare. The entire world silenced as you saw your reflection in his eyes, coloring you in the most beautiful shade of green. “What?” You didn’t quite catch what he said except for those two words that might have impacted you more than you realized. You were still a kid that time—having not known the feeling of someone caring for you other than your mother.

“I want to protect you, that’s why,” Eren announced. “I’m using my strength for that.”

“I can stand up for myself, you know.”

“I still won’t stop.” He paused. “… Mainly because Mikasa will protect you if I do it half-assed. I only want myself to that to you—not anyone else.”

There was no use fighting Eren. Once his mind is set on something, there was no doubt that he’ll push through what he thinks is right. In your eyes, there was a cape encasing him, with the weight of the world on his shoulders. There was no situation calling for him to become a hero but with how brazen he is, he was bound for something greater than anybody inside the Walls. You let him be, letting him have the chance to hover around you, which you instantly regretted because he was everywhere. It was comical at first but now, it was starting to irk you.

Every time you were only buying vegetables in the marketplace, a chill ran down your spine. You were certain someone was peeking through the entrance of the alleyway, three pairs of different colored eyes training on you. That didn’t stop there. It seemed as though whenever you were struggling with anything while going home, Eren materialized in front of you. His eyes weren’t on you but the surroundings; as if the windows of the houses in your neighborhood morphed into the boys constantly shouting confessions at you. You wanted it to stop and you had no idea how to carefully tell Eren it was giving you nightmares (mainly his blank green eyes that swam inside your soul, peeking through the alleyway).

However, you didn’t expect the absence to last two years.

There were so many things Eren hated in their caged world.

Lousy soldiers who have no will to fight, choosing to wallow in endless mugs of beer rather than to stay vigilant in guarding the walls. Bullies who were always picking on the weakest people just to prove to others that they’re one step ahead of everyone. Remarks that undermine his determination in fulfilling his dream of stepping out in the world—bringing humanity closer to freedom. People who are content with staying inside the glass-like protection of the walls. After the catastrophic fall of Wall Maria, Eren’s most recent object of rage was once believed to never enter the walls perfectly crafted by the gods. Who knew that the century-old holy grail separating humanity from their demise could break like that under the camaraderie of two Titans that no one had a clue of?

Just like that, life inside the walls was reduced because of those humanoid creatures which deserved to rot in the deepest circles of Hell. As the next two years trickled down the hourglass, Eren carried the carnage brought by the terror that is Shiganshina’s pandemonium and let it fester inside his chest—spreading throughout the crevices of his body until there was nothing but an inferno controlling his actions. It was the least he could do after arguing with his mother on that fateful day, after leaving her behind to be eaten by that ghastly smiling beast. It was the closest form of punishment he bestowed on himself for being a reckless idiot who wore heartfelt emotions pretty close to his sleeves. Letting himself be drizzled by the remains of his mother was one of his many regrets. The next one he had on his list took the form of a gentle demeanor under the guise of a half-hearted glare—of a thousand fluttering butterflies in a meadow of wildflowers, all fueled by the presence of the one person Eren blatantly vowed to protect. A piercing blade stabbed his heart at his mistake of doing the exact opposite.

You were gone when Shiganshina fell. Gone in a sense that Eren couldn’t find you anymore. The last time he saw you was when you offered him and Mikasa snacks to accompany them in their task of gathering firewood. You said your mother called for you to help her with her newest masterpiece, a request from one of the nobles in the Inner Walls. There was a foreboding thought in Eren’s mind to tell you to be careful but what was there to be careful about when all you had to do was walk back to your house? After the rain of blood and the onslaught of screams around his home, Eren had no time to search for you. Still, in shock of seeing his mother eaten alive by a Titan, he, alongside Mikasa and Armin, continued to live for a year as tillers of farmland to compensate for the lack of resources in Wall Rose now that the survivors were pushed back to their territory.

Then, the first dream of you came.

At least from the looks of it, he assumed it was you.

There was a girl who shared the same features as you, only older in this new nightmare of his. Her beauty was that of the silver rays of moonlight, which was why he figured it was you because the whole time Eren had been with you for five years—you were a dormant daughter of the moon for him. It was always the same thing—his dream that recurred for an entire year.

It started with this girl hugging him, his collarbones catching the star-like tears hitting his skin. He felt how warm she felt—how he wanted to bury himself into her until there was only his name etched on the chambers of her chest. The scent of wildflowers clung onto her, ensnaring him in a trance as he nuzzled his face onto her hair. Oh, her hair was longer from what he remembered but they still felt like yours—soft as the petals of the wildflower hairclip Mikasa gave you. Then, they were a series of painting-like scenarios flashing by his head—the girl laughing in front of a bonfire, the girl being lifted by him to plant a gentle hand on his blazing skin, the girl pleading for him to stay with her and his found family. All of them made his heart clench painfully, which wasn’t what he expected because all of these featured him as well. The reels shifted into an image of a burning city, the girl a young woman now. She was staring into him with disappointment swirling in her eyes, her irises reflecting the tangerine of the flames down below. Eren felt bile rise inside his throat, shame causing the butterflies to shrivel their wings until they become caterpillars again. All he remembered was the sensation of her intense glare as she mouthed words that shook his entire being, slapping the hand that was enclosed around her wrist.

What happened next in the dream always woke him up in cold sweat.

It was the young woman lying on a lake of her own blood. The most perfect shade of red adorned her body, her once vibrant eyes staring glassily on the ceiling.

Eren refused to believe that was you. So, every chance he got, he asked around the Garrison soldiers keeping watch over them for your name, in hopes that maybe you boarded the last ship without them knowing. Mikasa accompanied him while Armin waited for their return in their little home inside the barn. The two of them described you in detail but none of the Garrison knew about you or saw you amongst the survivors. There was nothing they could do but accept that maybe you passed away alongside most of the population of Wall Maria. There was no word exchanged as the three of them mulled over that speculation, the hoots of the night fauna filling in the gaps of the silence dedicated to the possibility of you as a rotting corpse somewhere around Maria’s territory.

“Do you think this is any place for a princess like you?!” Shadis basically spat the word. “What’s your name, you piece of shit?”

“[Name] [Last Name], Sir!”

The syllables jolted him into the rapids of reality.

There you were. So fucking beautiful with your tiny fist placed on top of your chest, eyes blazing with pretend determination that convinced the Commandant. A vibrant teal lake attempted to capture you, hoping that you’d drown in its waters after compelling you to glance at him with songs crafted by sirens. Just a few feet away from him, both Mikasa and Armin stared with slacked jaws at you. You were taller, having grown a few inches since you were ten years old. But, a single thought resonated through the trio’s head—the traces of beauty and serenity you carried from back in the days pulsated, even more, catching the attention of some of the members of the Training Corps. You were a flower in this field and all Eren could do was admire you from afar.

“Mikasa? Armin?” A tentative voice called out to the aforementioned people.

A tender whisper of your name came out of the black-haired girl’s lips, eyes watery as her eyes trailed over your figure that afternoon after an entire morning of basking under the heat of the sun. Mikasa placed a hand on her mouth to prevent her silent sobs before running over to you and enveloping you in the tightest hug she ever gave someone. Your laughs were like music to her ears while wrapping your arms around her torso. You felt her face pressing against the tresses of your hair, looking over at her shoulder to beckon the blond closer to join the hug. Soon enough, the three of you smiled through rivers of tears cascading through your cheeks—the little family finally reunited after two years of thinking you were buried under the earth. People were staring at the three of you as if all of you were a spectacle ready to be criticized, but you all hardly care.

You pulled away to look at two of your best friends in the eyes. “I can’t believe I’m seeing the two of you right now! I only caught Armin’s name earlier so I hoped that maybe everything is real—that you three are here.”

Mikasa stared at the accessory clipping your hair away from your face. “The flower is gone.”

You chuckled, your fingers brushing over the sentimental treasure Mikasa gave you. “The flower wilted, Mika, I’m so sorry for ruining it.”

She only shook her head with a slight smile. “Don’t worry, I’ll pick up another one to put it there.”

“It’s so good to see you, [Name].” Oh, Armin—ever the soft-spoken boy who always shouted words of reason whenever one of you did something reckless. You terribly miss him so, your nostalgia showing in the image of your smile. The smile you gave him was returned and it was the exact thing in your memories. “We thought you were … gone.” His face shifted until his gaze was on the floor, blue eyes clouding over as if a storm was brewing inside his brilliant mind. “You disappeared after the Fall so we assumed that you were nowhere to be found since the Garrison never had your name in their record of survivors.” Mikasa solemnly nodded beside him.”

“I’m sorry,” you quietly told them, hands fidgeting with the fabric of your button-down shirt. “A kind woman took me in after Mother told me to run. She was just visiting Shiganshina that day so she gave me a temporary home in Trost, her hometown. When I told her I wanted to go into the Training Corps to fulfill something, she let me.”

“Well, we’re glad that you’re now here with us.”

A wistful smile pulled on your lips. “Me, too.”

“Someone’s ecstatic to meet you again, though,” Armin laughed, nudging you lightly with his elbow.

When your eyes flickered around the Mess Hall for any sign of the brown-haired boy, Mikasa knowingly smiled. “He’s outside looking for you.”

“Thank you, Mikasa, Armin,” you breathed, walking backward to give them a promise. “We’ll catch up later!” They waved at you with the same enthusiasm until the paint of the golden hour touched your skin. The girl who was punished to some run laps was still circling the field, gaining some of the trainees’ attention in the porch of the Mess Hall. You surveyed the area for him but his shaggy brown hair wasn’t among the heads of the onlookers taking pity on the girl named Sasha Braus. You made your way to the field, hoping that a cloud took you high enough to search for the boy who swore as your knight. “Eren, where are you?” you muttered under your breath, hands wringing the sleeves of your shirt in a nervous tick. You don’t even know how to act around the boy you saw as everyone’s hero. The small patch of grass on the dirt became interesting to you as you tried steeling yourself for your reunion with your childhood friend. “Why am I getting nervous? It’s not like he’ll see me differently or his personality changed.”

“[Name]?”

Eren was once again searching for you after the introductions because you simply vanished like the mystical being that you are. There was no way that you would immediately go to the Mess Hall. (You did.) Eren knew you like you were shining in his memories—you would find someplace cool after surrounding yourself with that many people, letting nature do its job of soothing you to the point of napping. (You did find someplace cool, and that is the Mess Hall because they were about to serve lunch at that point—you were hungry.) It was safe to say that the moment Eren entered the Mess Hall to get his fill of lunch, was when you were taking your well-deserved nap near the lake. Your paths never crossed the entire afternoon. But at this moment, maybe Fate wove a tapestry featuring his reunion with his anchor.

“Eren,” came your soft call.

“… You look different.” He inwardly cringed at the awkwardness. He tried clearing his throat to dispel any signs of it.

“And you still look the same, ‘Ren,” you chimed, fingers fidgeting with each other yet your head was angled to meet his gaze. “Still the reckless boy who wanted to protect me all those years. It’s great seeing you again.”

A foreign tugging on Eren’s heartstrings echoed throughout his chest, his heart clenching until he placed a palm on his pounding skin. There was a sense of nostalgia surrounding the ministrations occurring inside his ribcage, having missed the sensation of you causing the tremors of a rapid heartbeat. Ever since he was five years old, waiting for his mother to finally move out of the doorway to see you; he was already under the effects of the intense emotions blanketing his being whenever you’re in the painting. It couldn’t be helped that he was curious of the unknown feeling, having asked his mother to identify the supposed sickness he had around you. Carla only smiled in that all-knowing countenance of hers, always one step ahead of Eren’s thinking. She patted his head and told him that all in due time, he’ll figure it out on his own; but for now, he should just enjoy the throes of innocence. But he still didn’t reach the age of wisdom’s peak to fully comprehend other emotions not associated with philia and storge. Twelve years old was still a child in people’s eyes—a child thrown into a grapple for humanity’s survival. The palm on his chest pressed even further, the walls of his heart pushing onto his hand, his gaze thoughtful as his gaze never lifted from the butterfly hovering over the patch of grass in the field.

Shaking his head, he brushed off any moment of being lost in your presence before he regarded you with cool teal eyes, a shy smile making its way on his lips. “I could say the same thing to you.”

Everything feels like home now that you’re here.

“Why is she giving that prissy bastard the time of the day?” Eren grumbled, glare never leaving the pair he was cursing in his head.

Armin halted from looking around the bustling district of Trost, his small smile being replaced with a confused frown. “What are you talking about, Eren?” Even Mikasa who was walking a few ways behind them hastened her pace to listen in on the conversation. However, Eren didn’t answer the question and instead continued glowering at the trainees in front of them. Still with confusion, Armin followed his friend’s gaze and was met with Jean talking to you, the latter’s face looking as if he wanted to escape the situation. That wasn’t an unusual occurrence for Armin and Mikasa, who gave the blond a wary glance, both of them concerned that the third of their little trio might lash out in the streets of Trost. “Eren, you don’t have to be cross at them talking to each other. [Name]’s foster mother is friends with Jean’s mom so they’re bound to exchange some pleasantries while living here in Trost.”

Eren’s face curled in disgust at the prospect of you interacting with Jean during your stay in Wall Rose for two years. He watched as you appeared to be scolding Jean for something along the lines of visiting his mother since they’re in his hometown while the taller boy only brushed away your nagging with blatant annoyance. No one expected you to have a connection with someone who showed the same hot-headedness as Eren but when the ash-brown-haired boy called for you to be his partner in hand-to-hand combat training last year, Eren was left in a standstill. He was livid to this day. Of all people, why could it be that long-faced bastard always running his mouth in front of Eren? He didn’t notice that he had become quiet in the current conversation until Mikasa leaned her head forward with sharp eyes.

“Eren,” Mikasa called out. “Are you perhaps … jealous?”

“Huh—jealous?! W-What—Where did you get that idea from?!” Eren sputtered, spine stiffening at the abrupt exposure to the spotlight. “I’m not! Why would I be jealous in the first place?!” His ears were red.

Mikasa didn’t believe him, staying silent until something caught her eye at one of the stalls lining up the street. Without a word, she walked faster to pull you away from Jean without any warning and brought you to a stall filled with flowers. The two of you were excitedly picking the blossoms displayed in the small cart while the trail of trainees continued to the path of the headquarters. The black-haired girl was holding a small stem of blue flowers to your hairclip before telling the florist she’ll be taking a small bouquet of what she chose. Two pairs of eyes watched you two as Mikasa carefully pinned the flowers through your hairclip, recreating the accessory she customized back in the day.

Eren huffed in slight envy that Mikasa could easily latch onto you at any time of the day. He rolled his eyes at the scene of you tucking a daisy behind Mikasa’s ear. “They’ll wilt eventually, you know. What’s so special about a bunch of flowers anyway?” He opted on staring down the children playing hopscotch down the road. “Their beauty only lasts a couple of days,” then, Eren’s voice lowered in a murmur so that Armin wouldn’t hear it, “why is she so happy with that?” He glanced at you discreetly, allowing himself to loosen up the tenseness clumping his shoulders at the sight of your breathtaking smile. Though it wasn’t directed at him, it’s still heavenly either way. Please look at me. Let me know that you think of me as well. As if she heard the song his heart created to make you acknowledge him, you turned your head mid-laugh and found emeralds reflecting your figure. Eren’s heart raced when your lips lifted in the softest smile, eyes crinkled with an emotion that he was sure only lovers wear for the precious holders of their hearts.

Once again, Eren’s chest clenched in that intimate aching tied to his soul and you were the reason behind it.

The sunset painting the lands of the Walls a beautiful shade of gold landed its pigments on two figures, creating silhouettes that were always mistaken as lovers wherever the stars told them to. The world is only their stage, them being the ones fulfilling the protagonists in this melodrama called Hell.

The Survey Corps Headquarters were far behind you and Eren. Right after dinner, he pulled you out of the Mess Hall with a set destination in his mind. His steps were purposeful, echoing across the stone walls of the castle until his boots hit the dirt of the training field. He kept his voice to himself, face forward, letting you wallow in a state of confusion behind him. Even if his face showed distress through the furrowed eyebrows and tight jaw, his grip around your hand felt like an embrace. He faintly heard you ask where he’s taking you but he simply kept quiet about it. It was a grueling day for him—with all the experiments Hange poured onto his shoulders and the constant jabs of Levi and his squad whenever he malfunctioned in the secluded plain where he’s doing all the work. He needed an escape, what better way to enjoy that with you by his side? While grumbling to himself about dusting another room one afternoon before you and the other cadets appeared in the Headquarters, Eren stumbled upon a meadow filled with wildflowers, like the one the four of them always played in—all that was missing was the tree.

Upon reaching the meadow, Eren heard your questions dying down. He turned around to find you being entranced by the meadow. He couldn’t help but feel proud of himself for showing the view to you. “What are you waiting for? Let’s go.” He pulled you in the middle of a huge lake of wildflowers and lie down on the soft mattress of blossoms, a satisfied sigh escaping his grinning lips. Eren looked up at you from his comfortable position. “Hey, don’t just stand there, join me.”

You playfully rolled your eyes. “Okay, okay. Don’t mind if I do.” You stared at the darkening sky, the night making her way to settle a temporary peace over the lands; her daughter, the moon, was slowly becoming brighter as her twinkling sisters accompanied her in lighting up their closed world. Eren slowly turned his head to stare at you instead. Whenever the moon hits you with her beautiful moon rays, you always looked even more ethereal—illuminating under the light of the silver luminary. He observed how you closed your eyes, letting the gentle night breeze wash over your figure. The small curve of your lips, the eyelashes protecting your irises, the creaseless serene expression stitched upon your face—all of you continued to shine like gems in Eren’s eyes. “It’s nights like these that make me think,” when you started to speak, Eren’s cheeks colored a shade of rose, though he didn’t look away from you, “maybe everything’s alright in the world. Just you and me enjoying peace in innocence—I want to stay like this forever.”

“Me, too,” Eren confessed, not having control over his mouth. It seemed like his thoughts were always spilled when you’re around. “I want this night to be eternal and never-ending—just the two of us under the moonlight.” You hum in tranquility, inhaling the scent of the flowers brushing over your skin. Something churned inside Eren’s stomach, traveling to his mind telling him to be close to you. He scooted a little to close the gap, his breath hitting the side of your face. Without thinking about it, he reached out and tenderly ran his fingers on your cheek. Green irises met yours and the stars sighed in a chorus of innocent pleasure. “Promise me to be alive in the 57th expedition tomorrow. I’m not there to keep an eye on you but I want you to know that I … care for you so much to have you die on me.” Something is weighing in his mind before he shook his head. “… I have something to tell you once we reach the ocean.”

A promise.

You shifted your body until you’re face-to-face with the little soldier boy who always looked at you differently from the others. A pretty smile of understanding was directed at that soldier boy you hold dear in your heart. Your hand wrapped around his wrist to convey that he had nothing to worry about. “You know that I will always listen to whatever you have to tell me, ‘Ren. And I promise I’ll stay alive in the expedition tomorrow. I didn’t graduate a place above you for no reason.”

Eren scoffed. “I was just letting you ahead of me for once, there’s nothing special about that.”

Your eyes gained that admiration you always felt for him, your heart swelling with a sense of protectiveness for the boy even though he already assumed the role of the protector in your childhood. You started to hum when night became too quiet. The little tune coming out in a lingering sillage that smelled like home. Eren recognized the song and let himself close his eyes when your voice lulled him for a moment. It was the song you always sang whenever he sleeps over your house, dedicating to his then dream of joining the Scouts without his parents knowing. He felt your fingers caress the skin of his wrist, holding it in place below your ear since his entire body relaxed in equanimity.

“Leaves from the vines, changing so slow. Like empty, fallen souls, looking for a home.

“Little soldier boy, thought he could soar. Brave soldier boy, fallen in the war.

“My little soldier boy, I need you home. Brave soldier boy, come marching home.”

The song was carried by the wind and by how peaceful Eren looked, you might have assumed he had fallen asleep after hearing the song. But you see the normal rise and fall of his chest, him being asleep flying out of your mind. You rested the hand between yours on the side of your neck, the warmth of your skin becoming a river towards the boy’s heart. You breathed out, in hopes that he was awake to answer your request for the night, “Tell me a secret, Eren.” It was a plea if ever you didn’t survive the expedition tomorrow. Who knows what might happen to your first fight for humanity’s freedom outside the walls? The fear crept to your heart and you hoped for the one person to quell it in obedience. If you got yourself inside a Titan’s stomach, you would still find yourself swallowed by pride since you have a piece of Eren within you—one of his secrets.

You’re the most precious person I ever hold dear at the moment and I might burn the entire world if you slip through my fingers without knowing how deeply I feel for you. “What kind of secret?” Eren whispered so as not to disrupt the calming spell you cast on the meadow, despite the inner turmoil pulsing his temples. Oh, how he wanted to tell you how the tiny wisps you created in his heart turned into a million stars spreading across his chest.

“Anything.”

“Hmm.”

When Eren is deep in thought, you had the urge to tease him. “Be careful, you might hurt yourself from thinking too much.”

“Hey!” You only laughed at him, making him stare at the joy plastered on your face that he could see nothing else but you. “I’m going to be the first hero who’s going to have a happy ending.”

“I think all heroes are happy, Eren.”

That look of blazing flames took over his face, the hand carefully brushing his fingers on your skin cupped your cheek. His face seemed to be much closer to yours now but all you could do was stare because he was so captivating—like he could eat the world raw in front of your eyes. He was definitely destined for greatness and what better thing for greatness than glory? But it looked like Eren didn’t agree with you on that. ��No, they’re not. Their life always ended in tragedies from the stories Armin’s books tell and I know I’m no different from them.” He pressed his forehead against yours, his eyes rooting you into the ground. “But I’m going to change that—I know Fate will be on my side for me to achieve that. Not just Fate, but you, too. You’re my reason and my moon.” He paused, gauging your reaction at the anxious thought of him revealing too much of his hidden feelings. All he could see was the same look you always throw at him. “I’m willing to be the world’s first happy hero for your sake!”

His usual enthusiasm endeared you. “I’m looking forward to it, ‘Ren. Make the world beautiful, not just for me, but for everyone else as well. I believe in you, my soldier.”

Eren will forever carry those words in death—until the end of the world.

The fight against the Titans was finally over and the ocean became the most anticipated reward for the survivors of the Battle of Shiganshina.

Its crystalline waters were so clear that it instantly took everyone’s breath away. It was way bigger than the lake they frequented back in the Training Corps. It was bigger than any body of water they encountered inside the walls. The blue was so bright that it captivated everyone more than the sky they always adored while being trapped in their crafted, fraud protection. The smell of salt was so strong that it invigorated all of you to jump down from your horses to get the feeling of wading your feet on the shore. It was the most beautiful thing you ever saw yet Eren’s half-lidded gaze never wavered from the childlike wonder you were sporting with everyone else. After he kissed Historia’s hand, he became more observant than normal, which baffled Jean and Connie. They were thinking that probably this was a change that they wouldn’t get used to. But now, no matter how enamored all of you were by the ocean, Eren was reclusive in his own world, looking away from you to point his stare at the horizon. He was more thoughtful than giddy compared to you. He realized he was the only younger soldier left standing on the shore until you called out his name.

“Eren!” Your smile was much more enrapturing than the ocean since he already saw the latter in his father’s memories. It was as if time slowed down when you turned around to beckon him to you, Armin, and Mikasa; face like the painting your mother hung upon the wall of your childhood home. You finally smiled like before and Eren’s eyes slightly widened, gaining some of the brightness they held that seemed to dull after the awarding ceremony. “We’re all waiting for you!”

He couldn’t fight against you.

As you and Mikasa laughed silently at the latter girl’s small slip in the shallow waters, Armin turned to Eren, whose body was facing something specific beyond the sea. “Look!” He was holding a handful of seawater, a conch shell sitting in the middle of his palms—shining like the crystals you found under the Reiss Chapel. “I told you, Eren! A salt lake so big that merchants could spend their whole lives collecting and still not get all the salt it holds. The things I talked about before weren’t wrong after all!”

Sensing the tone of delight from your blonde friend, you stopped splashing Mikasa and straightened yourself to look at the two boys. Your gaze drifted towards Eren, your stomach churning with someone so foreign when it comes to the boy. The black-haired girl also stopped scooping some seawater to throw at you, seeing how you were in a trance because of someone, before following your gaze. Armin was so ecstatic that he didn’t notice Eren’s melancholic demeanor until the taller boy opened his mouth.

“Yeah, it’s so damn big,” Eren dragged out.

Armin stepped forward with tears in his eyes. “Look, Eren, on the other side of the walls, there’s—”

“There’s a sea.” You shared a glance with Mikasa at the interruption but Eren continued, “On the other side of the sea is … freedom. That’s what I always believed. But I was wrong.” Now, you were concerned, taking steps across the shallow end of the sea to place your hand on Eren’s shoulder but his next words stopped you in your tracks. “But on the other side of the sea are enemies. Every part of this is exactly how I saw in my father’s memories.” He turned around, traveling his gaze from Armin and Mikasa before stopping at you. He saw your breath hitching at the sheen of pain in his eyes the more he looked at you. It was as if he was already apologizing for not giving you the beautiful world you wanted for everyone. In his mind, he was but you didn’t need to know that. He went back to staring at the horizon, pointing a finger towards it. “Hey, if kill all of our enemies over there … will we finally be free?”

It stunned you—how dejected he was. With tentative footsteps, you reached him, head tilted slightly to the side to fully see his face. “Eren,” you softly called for him to back. “Look at me.” Only when you placed a hand on his arm did he meet your gaze. “Welcome back, soldier boy.” Teal glowed with the reflection of the ocean’s waters at the nickname, your chest swelling with overflowing emotions at the life brought back to his eyes. “Can I tell you a secret?”

Eren faced you with faint anticipation, nodding for you to relay the secret.

You looked down at the small lapping waves by your ankles. “I’m afraid.” You missed how Eren’s face slightly become alarmed. “I know there are no threats of Titans lurking today but I’m scared of what might happen to you after the momentary peace ebbs away. I never said this to you but,” you lifted your head, only for your heart to beat faster and for your cheeks to become warmer at the astounded look Eren had on his face, “you’re so important to me. Ever since you accepted those biscuits I made when we were five, you are constantly shining in my memories. I don’t want you to lose that light, Eren.” You noticed that he took a step closer to soak in your warmth. “For now, let’s not worry about what the future might hold—let’s focus on the treasure we found today. Are you okay with that, Eren?”

You make him sound like someone should consider him as a fragile thing when he was anything but that. Dispelling a deep exhale, Eren figured that if it was you talking to him in that soft demeanor, better you than anyone else. Now, a small smile tugged on the corners of his lips, thanking you for pulling him out of the abysmal torment he seemed to be drowning in these days. He ducked down a little, relishing in the way your cheeks bloomed the prettiest red flowers. His hand scooped a handful of seawater and splashed it on your face. It was the last thing you expected from the brown-haired boy. Your squeal received a booming laugh from the handsome boy, his arms clutching his stomach at your adorable reaction. A few feet away from you two, Mikasa and Armin shared a relieved sigh before looking at each other with knowing smiles. If there was someone worthy enough to anchor Eren to reality, it was you.

“Eren!” you yelled, your soft half-lidded eyes from earlier morphing into a glare at the chortling boy. However, it died down when you stared at him for more than a few seconds. His hair was longer now, touching the base of his nape; and he was also taller by three inches in a year. His laughs died down to giggles as he covered his mouth with the back of his hand, eyes shining in mirth.

“Am I that handsome to make you space out like that?”

You recoiled with burning cheeks, taking a handful of seawater to splash him in the face, his laughs following soon after. “No, you idiot! How big can your head get?! You should stop saying those things, who knows what the others are thinking?” Your rambling only seemed to make the heat on your cheeks spread to your ears. “When have I ever thought that you’re handsome? You should get your head out from the clouds and—Ah! Let me go, Eren!”

Eren chuckled under his breath. “Never,” he simply stated.

Having his arms under your back and knees only made you cling to his neck as if it was your lifeline. Your protests and light punches on his chest didn’t deter him from doing the exact opposite of letting you go as he spun where he was, with you in his arms. Your squeals colored the entire landscape with an even brighter shade of blue, his laughs joining in as a complementary color. His feet sometimes got caught in the sand under him, which only wobbled his balance until you pleaded for him to put you down. Slowly enough, your shouts turned into full-blown laughs as Eren continued twirling the two of you, blue splashes twinkling against the rays of the sun. At some point, you leaned back with your arms now raised in the air, feeling the euphoria taking over your entire body. Eren struggled to keep you in his arms all the while adoring the look of eudaimonia on your features. That only made him slip, causing the two of you to tumble down on the water, with your body hovering Eren. Green eyes ate you—its limbal rings flecked with the image of you. While the others were laughing with each other down the waters, you and Eren were staring at each other as if it was the first time you saw the other. For him, your beauty made the world stop. For you, it was seeing him in a new light.

Seeing the new shine in your eyes for him, Eren leaned forward to press his forehead on yours, heart beating tumultuously. “I promise to give you the most beautiful world after the war, just promise me back that you’ll never slip away from my grasp.”

You placed your hands on his chest, feeling his fast heartbeat through your skin. “When have I ever slipped away from you, ‘Ren?”

A dozen images flashed in front of Eren’s eyes but he couldn’t look away at your inquiring ones. “No matter what happens, don’t. If it comes down to that moment, promise me that you’ll listen to me, okay? I …” Eren hesitated, weighing if this was the right time to pour out his feelings for you. Your hair fell over your shoulder, tilting your head in patience. “I … [Name], you—”

“Take your time, Eren.”

Eren shook his head before nuzzling his face in the crook of your neck to hide his burning cheeks. He tightly closed his eyes and lightly brushed his lips over your skin, causing you to shudder on top of him. “Can I tell you a secret?” You only hummed in response, running your fingers through the damp strands of his hair. Eren fixed his stare on the foam behind you, mindlessly lifting his arms to wrap them around your waist. “You’re my heaven in this hell and I can’t afford to lose you. If I lose you, I might as well burn the entire world to the ground.” He tightened his embrace around you. “I’ll gladly be the devil because losing you means that I’ve lost the only good thing I have in this hellhole. I don’t want that to happen.”

“I’ll never leave you, Eren. I’ll always be here with you. I’m the moon to your sun, right?”

“My moon,” the boy murmured on your skin.

Eren will do anything to keep his moon shining.

There were times when Eren would sneak inside your room during your time as cadets. Historia, Ymir, Sasha, and Mikasa were all used to his behavior of peeking inside the doorway despite being forbidden to enter the female barracks. He figured that if he napped with you by his side, everything will wash away from his mind—the responsibilities, the threat of Titans, the constant battle for survival.

Now, as Eren carefully opened the door to your single bedroom in the Scouts Headquarters, he stood with his back on the wooden door to stare at your breathing figure with half-lidded eyes. It seemed that as the years passed, Eren was slowly turning into the most brooding person everyone knew rather than the hot-headed suicidal bastard that he was. He was wearing a long coat and there was a sack of essentials draped over his shoulder as if he was going somewhere. Nobody knew of this plan of his, which will only be revealed in a letter once he reached his destination. But if there’s someone in the tight circle of the Survey Corps worthy enough of saying farewell to, it was you—the one person who’s been there before anything fell into their demise. Eren, however, was nervously wringing his hands in front of him. You shifted in your bed, stiffening Eren in his post at your door. Damn, you really don’t know the effect you have on him? Exhaling a sigh, Eren silently padded his way to sit on the edge of your bed, his fingers reaching out to brush your hair out of your face.

“Eren?” you mumbled, eyes opening with a hazy undertone. “It’s late, why are you here?” Your mind answered your question for you, causing you to smile in understanding. You scooted to the right side of your bed, patting the space beside you. “You can sleep here, ‘Ren.”

For a moment, Eren’s eyes flashed like a fast-paced comet in the night sky. His voice was low and small when he finally said, “I’m going away to Marley.”

You sat up, the blankets pooling on your waist and your nightgown exposed to the chilly midnight air. Eren’s tan cheeks colored a slight red at the sight of the see-through coverings on your body. You didn’t care if he saw you in your most comfortable clothes, there was something foreboding with the way Eren’s face contorted in a light grimace at your furrowed expression.

“What?”

Your hand made its way up to cup his cheeks, turning his head to face yours. After three years of preparing for the war against the nation across the seas and Eren grew into a young man who towered above anyone else with his secretive determination to provide you with the most beautiful life. You watched him grow into different phases of his life—the brazen little soldier boy who vowed to protect you always, the passion-driven teenager who screamed to kill all of the Titans, the reserved young man who looked like he had the entire sky on his shoulders. You saw everything that he came to be and now he was the one slipping away from you despite the promise you shared in the sea. “Don’t tell me you’re doing something reckless again.” Tears were starting to cloud your vision. “Please, stay with us and we’ll think of another plan before doing whatever you planned inside that head of yours. Don’t just head there without any help from us, ‘Ren.”

Eren’s breathing hastened when he saw you cry, begging for him to never leave Paradis. Why did he think that going to you before setting sail for Marley was a great idea? Now, it was even harder for him to leave. The emotions keep piling up inside his heart, the three little words that could change everything lodged in his throat. His eyes didn’t lie, though—they were flashing with so much affection for you that he buried his hands through your hair to embrace you tightly in his arms. You were still pleading for him to stay, your cries muffled by his shoulder.

“Please don’t cry, moonshine.”

That only spurred you to dig your hands in his back, wishing for him to rethink his decision. You’re his beloved, his anchor, his moon—everything beautiful in this world was all of you. “I have to do something first before I can have that happy ending I was talking about in the meadow.” Why can’t he say those words that he kept inside a jar in his heart? “Just promise me that you’ll never let me go.”

Another promise.

“Did you tell the others?”

“No, they don’t know.”

“Why are you doing this without them knowing?”

He knows your eyes are glaring on his shoulder, still, he didn’t let you go from his arms.

“Because it’s better that way.”

You pushed on his chest to meet his eyes. “You’re an idiot, you know that, right? Why are you heading there by yourself, ‘Ren? You know Levi’s going to kill you once he catches wind of this.” There was a beat of butterfly wings before he opens his mouth, his words chilling your blood.

“If it means raising hell on earth just to give you any semblance of serenity—I’d do it in a heartbeat.”

The atmosphere inside the airship was stifling, the silence was deafening as you stood inside the room with Mikasa, Armin, and Levi. The four of you were facing Eren, Zeke, and Yelena. The whole time the mission to retake Eren after he crumbled Marley into a sea of flames, you were keeping your head down, not having the strength to look at Eren, unlike the others. There was nothing to be said as you took a deep breath to excuse yourself from the room, Mikasa following you with her eyes laden with misery. This might even be the final straw in snapping your relationship with Eren, there was no going back, now that he killed innocent people for his goal. His words before he turned himself as a refugee in Marley pulsed in your head, creating a headache that drilled in your skull. A firm hand latched on your wrist, preventing you from moving any further. Staring down at the tanned hand wrapping your wrist in a vice grip, you were met with Eren’s dull green eyes staring straight at you. You don’t know what to feel so you clenched your jaw and looked away from him.

“Please, don’t go out there,” he whispered for your ears only. Levi narrowed his eyes at the exchange, taking a step closer to where you were to make sure that Eren stays in his lane. “[Name], please listen to me. Don’t step outside that door. I beg you.” The grip on your hand only tightened. “I need you home.”

You don’t even know where home was at this point. You tried prying his hand away from you, gritting at the force he applied to make you stay inside the room. Mikasa was about to help you but Levi rose a hand in front of her to not make a commotion, the older Ackerman’s eyes only hardened at the refusal Eren sported. “Eren, let me go,” you murmured. “Eren. I just need some fresh air—it’s suffocating in here.” He didn’t relent, clinging onto you as if you were the source of strength he needed to win this war, which you never knew that you were of importance in this chess game he initiated. In the end, you stopped struggling, hope sparking inside the young man’s chest. However, you looked down at him with a blank stare, his eyes slightly widening at the coat of disappointment swirling in your irises. “Let me go. I’m already tired enough as it is, don’t make me argue anymore.” You felt his hand slackening, allowing you to slip from his fingers.

He couldn’t fight against you.

Opening the door, the cheers from the other soldiers contrasted the silence you just left behind. It was a celebration you had no plans of joining since you were still hovering above the city you just declared war against. Pushing past bodies that you have no chance of interacting with, you let out a small sigh of relief at the second trio you held dear to your heart. Sasha was the first one who saw you, her steps receding the distance between you two, and engulfing you in a tight hug oozing with tenderness. You grew to care for Sasha since you were always roomed with each other even way back in the Training Corps. She regarded you highly after you shared your meal with her, only to have Mikasa place some of her portions on your plate because she doesn’t want you to get underfed. “Hey, Sasha, I’m glad you’re safe.”

Sasha nuzzled her head on your hair, breathing in your faint scent of cloves. “I’m glad you’re here, too. Oh, God, I hope it’s over.”

You know what she’s talking about but you didn’t want to extinguish the temporary joy she wore after this mission. You placed your chin on her shoulder, smiling against her uniform while running circles across her back. “I hope so, too.”

“Once we get back home, we’ll eat all the food we receive from Niccolo. You lost weight, we ought to get it back up!”

You chuckled at her bright nature. You’re already looking forward to going home with the people you call family.

But when the thuds of bodies coming from the entrance of the airship, all of those promises you made to certain people crumbled right in front of your eyes.

You saw a brown-haired girl aiming a rifle in Sasha’s direction and because of instinct, you pushed Sasha away from you. Using all of your strength, your friend hit the side of the airship in a shocked huff. Then, everything flashed by your eyes—all the running in the streets of Shiganshina, the stories you all shared during your time in both the Training Corps and Survey Corps, keeping your lives intact at every mission in the entire year before you discovered the ocean. But a certain person clouded your mind—the little soldier boy you promised to never let go when the time comes. His iridescent green eyes that sparkled against the sunrays. The chocolate tresses that now reached past his shoulders. Oh, how you wanted to braid his hair the moment you saw it flowing in the wind earlier. The hugs he gave you after a long day in training. The expectant look he threw at you when you stood on his shoulder with Mikasa whilst you blankly stared at the burning ground. There were so many things you wanted to say to Eren but a single sentence rang inside your head—

I love you since the beginning, my soldier boy, I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you.

And the bullet hit you square on the chest.

Chaos ensued in the airship. Sasha was frozen on the floor, eyes wide and mouth agape at the reality of the situation. Connie and Jean stared at the children being beaten up by the other members of the Survey Corps. At the first punch landing on the brown-haired girl who shot you, Sasha jolted from her trance. She scrambled on the floor, crawling to you, who was breathing heavily while finding the ceiling interesting. The blood was starting to pool around you in that vibrant shade that was starting to haunt her. She didn’t know where to put her hands, horror flowing in her veins at the realization that you pushed her away to take the bullet. Choking a cry, Sasha screamed, catching the attention of Connie and Jean, who was still processing what happened.

“[Name]!”

Connie jumped from his spot, wide eyes taking you in before kneeling on your other side. His hands were gently tapping on your still warm cheek. “Hey, [Name]? Hang in there, okay?! Stay awake please!”

“[Name]!” Sasha continuously called out for you, tears coming out in rapids onto her cheeks. “Please! Don’t close your eyes yet! There’s a feast waiting for us prepared by Niccolo.” Then, she stopped and wailed, hugging you close to her, your blood staining her uniform. “Why did you have to take it for me?!”

“Why are you guys … so loud?” A serene smile weakly appeared on your face. “We’re all going … home, right?”

“Somebody get some bandages!” Jean screamed at somewhere beside you. “We have to stop the bleeding!”

“[Name], make it to the island, okay?!” Connie tried convincing himself.

“E … ren,” you breathed out before all the light escaped your eyes.

The moon lost her shine.

Sasha felt you slump in her arms, her face expressionless before she mindlessly reached out for the bandages in another soldier’s arms. She started coiling it around your body but the blood only seemed to seep through. Sasha was in a trance as she convinced herself that you were just sleeping and that you needed to eat when you get back home. The brown-haired girl was in that state until Mikasa and Armin burst through the door to kneel beside you. Their wails didn’t help because Sasha found herself crying once again.

You have to survive; you were the one person who tied everyone together back when you were cadets. You were the reason why Eren and Jean tolerated one another. You were the one Armin confided in when he had some plans. You were Mikasa’s rock and the only one with who she could be herself. You were Sasha’s personal pillow during your nights in your shared room. You were Connie’s source of comfort when he found out his entire village turned into Titans. Everybody expressed how important you were and they were starting to think that they should’ve expressed it more because you were such an angel.

“Every time you’re caught by the enemy, we sacrifice lives to bring you back. No matter how many or how important they are.”

Those words flew by Eren’s ears, with him staring at nothing in particular. He knew this was going to happen—you dying in this airship. He fought so hard to make sure you don’t take one step past the doorway but you did the exact opposite of what he hoped for. He was so weak against you that he let you be because he didn’t want to feel the disappointment radiating from you. He could carry all the glares of anyone in this ship but never yours. So, he let you go. And now he felt half of his soul breaking, spreading a blossoming ache towards his chest until he placed a hand above his heart to try to quell it. Eren clenched his jaw to prevent himself from breaking in front of the people inside the room, even to the point of biting his cheek, his blood creating a tangy taste on his tongue. It was like half of him was gone the moment you were shot. His breathing became ragged the more he fought back the sobs brewing in his throat. He didn’t even say he had loved you more than half of his life. His lips were trembling as Connie opened the door with a horror-stricken face, the cries of the others beyond the door echoing like demons.

“[Name] … is dead.”

Fuck, he loves you so much and you didn’t even know it.

“Connie,” Eren’s voice wavered. (Levi furrowed his eyebrows at the broken sound.) “Did she … have any last words?”

Please let it be something else.

Connie turned his head to Eren. “It’s your name. [Name]’s last word was your name.”

The gleam in Eren’s eyes came back as he buried his head in his hands, the first signs of a sob coming out in whimpers of your name. Levi, Hange, and Jean stared at him, surprised that after dragging Marley to the coldest pits of hell, Paradis’ devil blatantly showed his vulnerability—his weakness being you. Murmurs of apologies streamed out of his mouth. The promise of being the first hero to have a happy ending. What happy ending when you’re not here to enjoy it with him? His version of a happy ending was confessing to you and starting a family once the onslaught was over. Now, it burned to ashes. The promise of never letting go when the time in the airship comes. His heart couldn’t bear the look on your face just minutes ago. Now, it led to your death. Half of his soul died alongside you. His shoulders shook as he let out the loudest sob inside the airship; Jean looking away to prevent himself from crying, even Hange was turning around to give the brown-haired boy his privacy. Eren didn’t even ask you to sing that lullaby he always liked before you passed away. There was one regret creating a migraine in his temple and that was never letting you know he loves you more than anything in this damn world.

His heaven in this hell was no more.

His moon was no longer here.

Perhaps it is the greatest grief to be left on earth when another is gone.

With a newfound fire, Eren will watch the world burn without you—the only promise he’ll find himself fulfilling, now that he lost the only beautiful thing he had in this cruel world.

#rorywrites #rory's 600 milestone event ✨#eren yaeger x reader #eren jaeger x reader #eren jaeger x y/n #eren jaeger #eren x reader #eren brainrot rn #attack on titan x reader #attack on titan imagines #attack on titan #aot x reader #eren attack on titan #im hungry for feedback so pls tell me what you think uwu

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nastybuckybarnes · 3 years ago

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Hoist the Colours - 1/3

Pairing: Pirate!Bucky X SeaGoddess!Reader

Summary: Bound to your human form and cut off from the sea, your life is exchanged from pirate to pirate, until a ship of the King intercepts a sale, taking you onboard and saving you from a fate worse than death.

Warnings: Language, Angst, Fluff, Kinda slow burn

Word Count: 2.2K

A/n: I’ve had this sitting in my drafts for so long so I figured meh, what the hell. It’s mega inspired by Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End cause Calypso owns my uwu and I love the story of her and Davy Jones. Um, I hope you enjoy!

~*~

His hands gently caress your skin, gentle with you, a stark contrast to the man who rules the seas. He treats you as if you're delicate, though he knows you're not.

His touches are so, so tender.

"I love you, my (Y/n)."

Fingers skimming over your back, trailing over your spine and down your legs. His hold on your body is soft, while the hold on your heart is strong.

"I love you, James. My love for you will never die. You hold my heart in your hands." He holds the back of your head with one hand, tilting you back a bit so he can look into your eyes, crystal blue depths pouring out emotions while saying few words.

"You have my heart, and you shall continue to have it until the day I die."

“Are we ready to set sail, Captain?” The young man looks up through his lashes, squinting against the harsh sun and the spray of the sea.

“Aye, I think we’re ready. What say you, James?” The blond man looks to his first mate, who stands by the edge of the ship, staring out across the open water with a small smile on his face.

“The wind will be with us today. Our journey will be bountiful. There’s a change in the tide, a new dawn on the horizon.” Steve grabs his friend’s shoulder, looking into his eyes.

“I can feel her, Steve. We’re getting close. I know it.” The blond smiles and looks over to the boy, nodding once.

“All hands, prepare to make sail!” He shouts, running down the stairs to alert the rest of the crew.

Steve walks over to his helmsman, patting him on the shoulder.

“Where to today, Captain?” Sam asks with a grin.

“We head for Tortuga,” he says, glancing over at James. The brunet nods, eyes focused on the sea.

~*~

“All hands! Battle Stations!”

You shift to your knees on the hard wooden bed, looking out through the tiny porthole.

“What is it?” Wanda asks, her voice scratchy and hoarse.

“The Royal Navy,” you whisper, bound hands grabbing handfuls of your dress to move it out of the way, allowing you to sit more comfortably to watch as the three ships converge on the one you’re currently imprisoned upon.

“What will they make of us?” She wonders aloud, fingers spinning dainty red circles in the air. You bite your lip, knowing too well what they’ll make of you.

“Our chances of survival are higher with them than with our current captors.” She shrugs, lying back down as cannons boom overhead.

You close your eyes, exhaling deeply through your nose and conjuring what you can.

It’s effective, and the sky is soon booming with thunder. The ocean tugs and turns, waves crashing against the ship, the fighting getting drowned by the rain.

You hear the tell-tale thuds of the ship being boarded, and you know it’s only a matter of time before you’re transferred from one cage to another. But you hope that the new cage will be slightly more comfortable.

Two sets of feet clomp down the stairs and you and Wanda both sit up.

A man wearing the signature red and gold of the King walks towards you.

A young boy, easily no older than sixteen, stumbles after him.

“Boy!” He shouts, turning to him. He cowers, clearly not wanting to get hurt.

“Why are these women in chains?” He demands. The boy looks at you, his eyes widening for a moment before he swallows hard.

“C-cap’n says that they be witches. He locked ‘em down here to protect the crew. Said it bad luck to bed them.” The King’s man stares at you then at Wanda.

“Witches? How?” The boy’s fingers tremble as he points to Wanda.

“Th-that one there, she be a true witch. With red flames and a sixth sense. She can control men to do her bidding. Cap’n locked ‘er up with them special chains, keeps her powers at bay.” Wanda’s eyes glow a fiery red as she’s reminded of the mistreatment the Captain has shown the two of you.

“And this one here?” The man steps closer to your cell door, eyeing you closely.

“She be of godly descent. Power over the wind and tide, no doubt the conjurer of the storm. She be tied to the ocean and the ocean to her. She controls the monsters, the demons that lurk in the deep. Cap’n treated her better than any woman deserves, but he stopped, got lazy. And this is her punishin’ us for it. You mark my words. She created that storm.”

The man cocks his head to the side in curiosity.

“Bring them over. The boy too. The King will want to hear about this.” The boy quickly unlocks your cells, and then you’re being ushered up the stairs and above deck.

The sky, which was dark and dangerous nought five minutes ago, is clear and blue. Dead bodies lay askew on the deck, blood staining the wood.

The men of the King stop and stare as you and Wanda are ushered towards the gangplank.

A man whistles, his hand coming to your shoulder, and you wrench yourself out of his grip, levelling him with a hard glare as a boom of thunder explodes overhead, a crack of lightning touching down on the water beside the ship.

Everyone is silent, the Captain staring at you in wonder and awe.

“No one is to touch the women,” he announces loudly, making sure all his crew can hear.

“They are to be treated with the utmost respect. Do not touch them. Do not even look at them in the wrong way, understand?”

He’s met with a series of “aye captain”s.

You square your shoulders and cross the plank, Wanda right behind you.

The two of you are then promptly led to a small office.

“The Captain will be with you shortly,” the man says, closing the doors and standing outside, his back to you. You glance at your friend and nod slightly, a silent ‘I told you so’. She rolls her eyes and looks around the room.

“He means to bring us to the King. We will no doubt be exploited for our powers yet again. There is no way we win this.” You shake your head, eyes finding a paper on his desk.

Anthony Edward Stark.

The name rings a bell, but before you can put your finger on it, the door is opening and the Captain walks in.

“As I’m sure you’ve guessed, I’m the Captain. Tony is what my friends call me. I suppose you may call me that as well. So... witches. Do you have names?” You’re shocked, and it’s obvious on your face by the way that the man laughs.

“We’re not barbaric. It’s obvious to me that you were being held captive on the HYDRA ship. You may as well get comfortable here with me.” Wanda stays standing by the door, but you approach him.

“I am (Y/n). This is Wanda. What do you plan on doing with us?” He sighs heavily and sits down at his desk, pouring himself a glass of alcohol.

“I plan on continuing my route as I was supposed to. We’re to make port in Tortuga for some business, then we head back to England.” You furrow your brows.

“Why not take us back to England now?” Wanda asks, her eyes red with suspicion.

“Because anytime away from the King is time I cherish. And I think the two of you will make excellent company.” He smiles, winking at you.

The glass in his hand shatters and he curses, jumping up and away from his desk.

“Not that kind of company! Jesus! I just meant that I would like to learn more about your powers.” You look over at Wanda, whose glowing eyes are trained on Tony.

“And how do we know you won’t treat us the same way they all did?” She asks, her voice a venomous whisper.

He sighs and looks at the two of you for a moment, his eyes lingering on your necklace.

“Because. My mother was like you two. A sea witch, born with powers unparalleled. And I saw what men did to her for it. I will not let that happen to you as well.” The two of you are surprised at his words. Silence hangs heavy in the air for a moment before he clears his throat.

“I’ll see to it that the two of you have proper quarters, as well as changes of clothes. And I humbly welcome you to His Majesty, the King’s, esteemed ship: The Avenger.”

“Jesus Christ,” Steve whispers, taking off his hat in respect as they approach the wreckage in the water.

Sharks are circling, picking at any scraps of human flesh that they can find. Ship splinters and rope pollute the water, and the crew instantly know that this is the work of the King’s men.

“A quick fight,” James says, watching from the quarterdeck. Steve nods, curious about the events that transpired.

“Man overboard!” Someone shouts, and all eyes are searching for the body in question.

They see the subtle splashing, the man’s body mostly on a large piece of wood from the mast.

“Haul him up!” Steve shouts, hurrying to the spot to make sure the man’s okay.

When they finally get him over, he’s nothing but coughs and water, fingers trembling as he regains his bearings.

“What’s your name?” Steve asks, patting the young man on the shoulder.

When he finally looks up, everyone gasps. “It was the witch,” he whispers, blackened eyes darting around in fear.

“Witch?” Steve asks. This piques Bucky’s interest.

“Sh-she called the storm. Dragged the ship down down down, and now she goes on the celebrate with the King.” Bucky pushes forward, grabbing the man by the collar.

“The witch, what was her name?” The man shakes his head, eyes lolling to the side.

“Never name, only a witch. Never trust a woman... she be beautiful as a sunrise but deadly as a snake. I’d rather face a siren than that witch again. She owns the seas, is one with the winds, and she has a hatred in her heart for men.” The man stops to cough up water, his eyes rolling back as he starts convulsing.

Bucky stumbles back a step, his heart pounding in his head.

“Buck?” He shakes his head, climbing up the ladder on the mainmast to the crow’s nest. His eyes strain to see anything, any sign of where he should go.

What he sees leaves him feeling more hopeless than before.

Three of the king’s ships, on the very edge of the horizon, each going in separate directions.

He takes a deep breath in then climbs back down, furious with himself all over again.

“Buck? What the hell was that?” Steve demands, grabbing his best friend’s arm.

“It’s her, Steve.” Those three words are all it takes for Steve to understand.

“Which way did she go?” He asks softly, trying to help his friend.

“I’ve got no clue. There were three ships, all heading in different directions. There’s no way to know which ship has her, and we can’t very well follow all of them.” Steve sighs, patting his friend on the shoulder.

“We’ll find her. I swear. But until then we maintain course.” The brunet nods, eyes finding the wreckage in the water and praying to the gods that he finds you soon.

Tears wet your cheeks as you stare at the locket, fingers stroking the cool metal gently.

“If the memories pain you so, why conjure them so frequently?” You glance over at the brunette, wiping the wetness off of your face.

“Without the pain, I would forget my hatred. I would forget my purpose and I would lose hope.” Wanda nods thoughtfully, leaning back against the wall and sighing.

The quarters you were given are lovely. Soft beds, plenty of blankets, and a door with a lock. It’s all you could ask for and more from a ship belonging to the king.

“What do you suppose he’s going to do with us?” Wanda asks, fingers spinning a quill in the air above her head.

“I’m not sure quite yet. He seems to be genuine, but I fear he has ulterior motives. Surely, he’ll bring us to the king at some point. But until then... I only hope we fair better here than our last ship.” She nods, closing her eyes and lowering her hands, the quill dropping to the floor beside her as she spreads her fingers, red seeping out of her hands and down through the floorboards.

“There’s a change in the tide,” she whispers, her eyes opening and glowing red as she glances over at you. “Can you feel it?” You close your eyes, feeling the pull of the ocean deep in your gut.

“I feel it,” you whisper, “a change in the wind. A new presence is upon the waters, a dark one. I fear they are stronger than they seem.”

#pirate AU #pirate!bucky #pirate!bucky x reader #pirate!bucky barnes #pirate!Bucky Barnes x reader #Pirate!bucky x sea goddess!reader #bucky x goddess!reader #bucky x sea!goddess!reader #pirate!bucky x goddess!reader #pirate!bucky x seagoddess!reader #bucky x reader fluff #bucky x reader slow burn

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doeilovr · 3 years ago

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WAYV’S REACTION TO DATING A DANCER

Request: hey love! would you be down to write a wayv reaction to dating a dancer? I feel like dancer representation is lacking in fics 😩

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XIAOJUN:

✭ you would have met Xiaojun through work, as you made the choreo of one of WayV’s newest songs and both of you would have fallen for each other

✭ Xiaojun and you would date in secret, he’d ask you for extra dance lessons to spend more time with you.. he would have always loved seeing you in your element like this :3

✭ he would think there was nothing better than seeing your smile as you danced - you’d be a big inspiration for him honestly and he couldn’t wait for the day to make your relationship official so he could finally show you off to everyone ;)

TEN:

✭ Ten would always watch your dance videos you posted online - that’s why he’d contacted you and invited you to collab with him.. honestly he’d love your dance just so much and maybe he also liked you a lot

✭ you would be a big influence on each other, teaching one another new moves - you’d be like Johnny and Baby, just dancing together and making everyone adore you

✭ no one would be too surprised when it got revealed you two were dating and honestly you were just happy to show each other off publicly now

LUCAS:

✭ Lucas would have met you at one of those fancy events he often went to - when he found out you worked in the same industry as a dancer he would smile so widely, he’d just feel immediately connected to you

✭ you would be such a power couple too - both of you incredibly talented and successful, modeling on the side.. the media would love you as much as you loved eachother

✭ Lucas would always love to watch you dance, he would go to all of your performances.. he’d be so supportive uwu just like you

YANGYANG:

✭ Yangyang would have found you intimidating at first.. you were like this unreachable star on the night sky he often watched in silence

✭ until one day you were the one to teach him a new choreography.. that was the day both of you fell for eachother

✭ Yangyang would never miss a chance to show you off too.. was it either when he talked about you all day to his friends or when he filmed your dance videos for you to post online.. he’d always look at you with so much adoration

WINWIN:

✭ WinWin and you would have started dating after you collaborated together. Both of you being incredible dancers everyone would love seeing you together

✭ you’d collab soo often and even take place in small competitions together.. your chemistry would be unmatched, like the way you two would look at each other when you danced was just too sweet

✭ and as much as you’d support WinWin, he’d support you

HENDERY:

✭ Hendery would have seen you practice often, as you were working in the same company as him and he would literally have such a crush on you

✭ when you two were chosen to do a photo shoot together he’d be more than excited and you’d be happy to get to know him

✭ after the photo shoot he’d ask you out and that would be the beginning of your relationship - you would do many more projects together and everyone would love you two

✭ you’d match Hendery’s crazy energy off set, whereas on stage and in front of the camera you’d be such a power couple.. Dery would just be your biggest fan tho, honestly

KUN:

✭ Kun and you would have been friends for a while, but more so privately as he was busy in the studio and you were constantly traveling for performances

✭ one time tho Kun would have the idea to produce songs for you to dance to - which lead to you working together at his company and ultimately falling for him

✭ it was no secret that you were dating (Kun was really bad at hiding his heart eyes for you), so you would make it official and even go to events together - Kun would always sit in the first row at every one of your performances and you would support him whenever he released something

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a/n: thanks for this great request anon! I totally agree, dancers do be lacking on here.. so I hope you enjoy it :3

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blueprint-han · 4 years ago

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ex.

↪ so many what if’s. who would give you those answers?

— where in you stumble into your ex at a friend’s wedding, and the subsequent conversation leads to new hope blooming in your relationship.

pairing: chan x reader

genre: ex au; angst with a fluffy ending.

⇥ warnings: themes/mentions of break up/make up, mentions of alcohol, please let me know if I miss a warning. please note that i, by no means condone any toxic relationships. this fic here with bang chan and Y/N is NOT an example of a toxic relationship or an implication of bang chan’s actions in real life. please take it as fiction.

word count: 3.3 K

type: one shot.

⇥ disclaimer: this fiction does not represent the activities of the real Bang Chan, nor is associated with JYPE in any form. Events are pure fiction. ♡

↯ note: I decided to merge your request with the prompt because it’s angst and guess who’s the queen of angst? You !! 😌 This was picked up from ex, as you can see and again your url ~vibes~ so uwu hope you enjoy it, this is my first time writing angst tho so please go easy on me. <3 Love you mom <333 ⇥ dawn.☀️

The dance hall’s fairly crowded when you take another shot of your martini, drowning in its essence as you make a desperate attempt to disconnect yourself from your vicinity. You wanna believe you’re drunk, though it’s not true in the slightest — you can still feel, hear, see everything around you clearly — the alcohol’s clearly not having its effect today. You wish, oh so dearly wish it did, because the man standing about two tables away from you really doesn’t deserve the attention you’re giving him right now.

The last thing you’d expected when you entered the hall to attend your friend’s wedding was to stumble right into the one man you’d been trying to avoid for the past two months. At that very moment, you cursed all the odds for making you face the man of your nightmares, the one who broke your heart.

Bang Chan.

Sure enough, just like when he’d dropped the news on you, all the butterflies in your stomach drop dead one by one, gloom and desolation taking over. The mere sight of him is enough to send you into a frenzy of confusion — you feel the flutter in your heart to know that he’s doing okay, but you can also feel that pit of sadness, anger and heartbreak mixed to wash over as one of the most conflicting feelings ever.

“O-oh, hi there, Y/N.” Chan had waved a hand and bowed down, but you shakily nodded your head, not bothering to give him any words of acknowledgement as you stumbled into the hall. How is it that you didn’t notice him until half the wedding was over? How could you forget that he was supposed to attend, because he was the bride’s friend alike?

Was it wrong that part of you still wished that you could be standing next to him, watching him as he introduced you to his friends, calling you “his girlfriend”?

You wondered what the look on Chan’s face would’ve been when you left his greeting hanging in the cold air like that. Was he broken on the inside too? Or did he simply not care? He’d been the one to end it, after all. He looks smart right now — adorning a luxurious black suit, his brownish hair slicked neatly to the side and parted. The delicate silver chain you’d given him on his birthday is oddly still on his neck — you promise yourself to not think about it much, because you know it’ll give you hope — and hope’s a dangerous feeling, at least for you.

When the music starts blaring through the speakers and the couple start dancing together, you sigh, straightening your posture from where you’re leaning against the shot table. Your friend has the prettiest smile plastered onto her face — it comes naturally to her, you figure, seeming as to how she’s married to the love of her life right now. They both seem lost — almost peaceful — as they stare into each other’s eyes. Soon, more and more couples join, until the whole hall is filled with everyone dancing on their heels, twirling and smiling and dancing gracefully. Everyone except you, of course.

You sigh, fixing the hem of your swan-white dress. Way to go for your mood to be ruined — all because you happened to stumble upon your ex boyfriend, and thoughts consumed you as a whole. Was it so wrong of you to wish that you could go back in time and change his decision? You’d moved on from this — you’d told yourself you’d moved on a month ago. You wiped him out of your memory — all the things that reminded you of him — but what if you’d only patched up the wound, not healed it in the slightest? What if the person who held the key to repair your broken heart was held by a person who you’d let go, and by all means, couldn’t reach out now?

So many what if’s. Who would give you those answers? He surely hadn’t, when all he did was just break it out to you over a meeting at the park that he’d fallen out of love with you.

You never understood what happened. It just started with the less frequent messages and meet ups, the excuse of always being busy, and that slowly morphed into him ignoring you for days, until one day he broke the news and ended it, on good terms. Or at least you thought so.

You sigh again, asking the bartender to lend you one bottle of the drink — which he does without question — before you walk over to the staircase that seems to lead to the terrace. Away from the risk of your eyes landing on him and your thoughts going all over the place again. If only you could walk away from the pit of emotions in your heart the same way. If only.

When you kick the almost rusted door open, the fresh blast of cold air that hits you makes you sigh in relief. You tuck several strands of hair neatly behind your ear, walking to the edge as you glance at the view. Leaning against the concrete, you let the lights coming from the night cityscape blur your vision, along with the faint, distant echoing of horns coming from the roads fill your ears. It’s a distraction, after all.

You pop open the cork of the bottle, letting the fizz bubble down before pressing your lips against the rim. One gulp, two, you then gaze up at the night sky. Rinse and repeat, until the whole bottle is almost finished. You ignore the void in your heart, filling it with the essence of alcohol and ignoring the feelings bubbling in it right now.

Chan was like a drug — so addicting and so hard to get rid of once you got into the habit of consuming it regularly. You wanted to reach out and hold onto those memories you shared with him — he was the first person where you let your heart do the talking, and all it took was a look at another person to change lanes, leave you alone in the dust of your crushed heart — only to come to the disappointing note that you’d lost those memories forever. They existed merely in a place you couldn’t reach, couldn’t see, but could only recall. It was pure torture to you, but you’d ignored it all for so long, certainly you could ignore it again.

“Need a refill?”

Your head snaps back in the direction of the voice. A familiar, one soothing voice that now brings pain to your heart, now threatens to bring back the wave of emotions you’d kept at bay.

Your eyes meet the hazel brown orbs, and not diverting from their strong, fierce gaze; you scoff, turning back around to stare off into the distance.

Chan frowns, tilting his chin as he tries to soothe the burn from your two reactions. He doesn’t back away though, because now he maybe understands what you felt like when it all fell apart, when he wrote your ending with a shaky hand.

He walks front to where you’re leaning against the concrete, silently drinking out of the glass he holds in his hand.

Should I say something? He thinks. He should, right? When you ended it, you did end on peaceful terms, even though your reaction felt like you were more affected by it. Even after three months, he still feels the warmth that flowed through him whenever he looks at you — you who clearly don’t want to speak to him. He feels crazy now, for wanting to let you go.

You hadn’t even bothered to curse at him that day — just looked at him with eyes that honestly pierced through his soul, and hurt him more than any of your words could’ve. But maybe that was what he deserved, right?

“Why did you come here?” You ask, swirling the almost empty bottle in your hand. Oddly enough, you don’t feel like walking away, feet frozen in position. You’d ended it on good terms, didn’t you? You’d promised to each other you’d be good friends.

“I noticed you were alone.” The man feels himself say.

“Didn’t you bring your girlfriend along? Isn’t she alone right now?” You counter, taking another sip of your drink. Again, the alcohol is having no effect on you. Why did your tolerance have to be so high when you needed it to be low?

“I-” He takes a deep breath, tilting his head to either side to relieve the tension in his neck. “Broke up with her. About three weeks ago.”

You only chuckle. Somehow, your feelings are strong when he’s away, but when the cause is right in front of you, somehow they fail to make an appearance.

“Did you come here so you could win me back?” You ask, straightening up as you avoid Chan’s firm gaze on you, and his face goes gloomier and gloomier with every statement you spew at him. But then again, who could blame you for being angry? You had every right to.

“No.” He shook his head, fixing his position so his shoulders are about an inch away from yours. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m alright.” You say, softening at the edges at his concerned tone. You don’t know why you’re listening to him and not going back into the hall, but your legs are still frozen in place, something in you, your heart, doesn’t let you move.

Why do you feel like it’s your first time meeting him all over again?

He’s your ex, a part of your life you’re supposed to forget. Instead, you’re here, reminiscing it with the very person who left you in the first place. The situation you’re bound in is so weird — you almost don’t know what to do — but nonetheless, you just stand there, ignoring the slight flutter in your heart — just like the first time again.

“How are you doing?” You give yourself the liberty to ask him that question — just to know how he’s doing. Just another way for you to answer your countless what if’s, another method to try and fill the void in your heart.

Chan sighs, straightening up himself before looking at you. “I missed you.”

At the simple admission, you soften around the edges some more. It was wrong, so wrong that you were giving him to permission to get into your heart again — but what if you never wanted him to leave in the first place?

Hope — the dangerous feeling — starts resonating through your chest. It’s the tiniest emotion, one you can’t quite sense, but still feel. You can feel yourself grow warm, feel his gaze burn into the side of your face as he awaits a reaction.

“I-I don’t know what to say to that.” You reply, tucking some of your hair behind your ear again, before curling it with your index finger. You don’t look into his eyes yet — you’re not so brave to do so — focusing your bored, almost sad gaze as you count all the lights flashing at you on a skyscraper. Anything to distract you from this feeling.

Chan notices your stare, and sighs again. He’s battling himself too, right now. Should I say it? He thinks.

“I-I’ll be honest and confess to you, okay?” Chan turns to face you properly, while you bite your lip, waiting for his next words. Oddly enough, you feel more nervous now than you felt that day when Chan ended it with you. It’s so weird to feel it all over again.

“I’ve missed you and… I truly regret what I did that day.” He runs his hands through his chocolate brown hair, which seems to look particularly soft today. It reminds you of when you’d casually back hug him when he was working, pecking the back of his neck as you’d comb your fingers through his hair.

“Chan, no.” You feel your voice crack, the sadness overflowing out of its cup, spreading to all your senses as you close your eyes, letting out a single tear.

“Y/N…” Chan places his hand on your shoulder. You don’t flinch.

“Y-You l-left me.” You feel your brain cloud over, having no control over yourself as the words start spilling out of your mouth, piercing Chan’s heart bit by bit. “Y-You l-left me when I thought you’d stay… And you left me alone.” You feel his thumb rub against the bare skin of your shoulder, and this time, you stare up, looking straight into his eyes.

“I loved you,” You stammer, inhaling deeply as you take note of Chan’s expression. Surprisingly, he’s crying too. The rims of his eyes are filled with tears, his whole face goes red as he tries not to violently sob. “I love you.” You correct yourself.

“But you left me. You left me when I thought all I had was you and - and, what? Three months later, you tell me you miss me? Is this because your girlfriend broke up with you? You wanna win me back?” You spew, slamming your hand against his chest as you shake in his arms.

He wordlessly pulls you into his embrace, and you don’t complain — you don’t know if it’s because of your brain being cloudy and your eyes being all itchy from crying, or if it was because you missed his hugs, but you feel yourself clutch onto the material of your shirt as you cry, cry and cry until you feel like your tears don’t remain.

“I’m so sorry…” Is all he can say, wrapping his arms around your shoulders as he tries to comfort you.

“I hate you, Chan. I hate you so much.”

Something in him shatters when he hears your words. He wordlessly mouths “Alright.” and doesn’t bother controlling his tears anymore, letting them flow down his cheeks and settle into your hair, not bothering to hold back the sounds of brokenness he makes either.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N.” He pulls away, holding your chin to force your gaze into his eyes. “I shouldn’t have done that to you, it was so wrong of me. I regret it now, so much.” He curls his lips inwards, and watching him cry is soul-crushing. You should be hating him for leaving you, screaming, crying, but you hate yourself for reaching up to rake through his hair, sliding your hand down to his soft cheek before gently swiping your thumb against it. Wiping off his tears.

“We’ve already forgiven each other, right? It’s okay.” You take deep breaths to calm yourself down. Leaving him behind seems hard enough, but seeing him cry in front of you seems impossible. Are you still in love with him?

“I’m still sorry.” He mutters softly, gazing into your eyes as he takes hold of the hand that rests on his cheek. “I was so horrible to not know that I had you beside me all along, and instead I turned my back at you and left you. It was so wrong of me.” he breaks into tears again, and this time, before you can pull him into a hug, he grabs both your hands in his own. Holding them in between each other.

Yep, you’re still in love with him.

You look at him, absorbing all his features, and suddenly you’re thrown back to the first time he ever asked you out. It seems all too familiar — all too real. You find yourself holding your breath once again, waiting for what he has to say. He rests his forehead against your grasped hands, sighing brokenly as he speaks up.

“I won’t ask you to accept me again, Y/N.” He says as a matter of fact. He understands that the things that happened may not allow you to let him into your heart again. “I won’t ask you to date me either, because I know what I did isn’t that simple to forgive.”

Chan feels so stupid now. You were there for him all the time, yet he left you for someone else. You were beside him to help him when he felt desolated, but somehow he became a cause for your desolation. It shocks, confuses him and makes him seethe in turmoil.

“But,” he begins, holding his breath. “I still want to try. I wanna try being the person I couldn’t be when I was with you. I-I wanna change and win you back, b-but…”

“But?” You ask mindlessly, totally overwhelmed and dazed out by his honest words, the newfound emotion thrums to your chest. It’s love, for sure. But it isn’t that special kind of love, at least not yet.

“But I wanna do that only if you let me. It’s your choice, Y/N.”

Your eyes widen as you try to grasp his words, noticing how his warm hands holding onto yours still, only grow warmer and tighter.

“I r-really love you Y/N, a lot. And… well, I know you may not be able to make this decision soon. But please, just give it a thought?”

You shake your head, a soft smile tugging at your lips as you look up into his eyes again. They’re red and puffy by now, but they’re still gorgeous, they still remind you of the time you’d gently kiss over his eyelids whenever he cried like that.

You roll your eyes to the back of your head in deep thought, before tucking your bottom lip under your teeth and nodding. “Okay.”

“Okay…?” He asks, hopeful. You can almost feel his nervousness in the way his palms sweat, but you simply smile.

“We won’t date yet.” You said. “But I’ll allow you into my heart one last time. Don’t break it.”

And at your acceptance, Chan beams, feeling more tears roll down his eyes as he pulls you into a hug. This time, you don’t spare any restraint, wrapping your arms around your waist as you press your cheek against his chest. “Thank you, thank you, thank you…” Chan keeps mumbling and repeating, to which you only shush him gently, telling him it’s okay and he doesn’t have to thank him.

He still does. You only smile to yourself, and for the first time in three months, you feel somewhat at peace. There’s a long way to go — you have to adapt to this relationship, let your heart join back bit by bit and build each other’s confidence again. But you’re certain you can do it together. This story deserved a happy ending, and you were going to give it one, no matter how hard you’d have to try.

“Hey guys!” You hear someone walk through the door, immediately parting away and clearing your throats.

“Yes?” The both of you say at the same time, tensing up and then laughing at each other. If Chan’s tears were crushing, Chan’s giggles were truly healing. The way his eyes would scrunch up into the cutest crescents and his dimples would make an appearance always made you want to peck his cheeks. Now wasn’t the time though.

“Dinner’s being served, so Y/F/N told you to come downstairs.” The person at the door says, immediately running downstairs, as if to not interrupt your moment any further.

“Alright.” You laugh, taking Chan’s hands in yours as you intertwine your nimble fingers with his long, slender ones. “Let’s go shall we?” You don’t bother picking up the alcohol bottles, because you’ll be coming back here with your friends later anyways — they can be tended to later.

“Of course,” Chan pulls you along with him, running to the door — both the ones that lead to the diner and the ones that signified your new start.

Curse at me all you want, as long as you let it all out, and we can go back to how we were.

*:･ﾟ✧ find the other fics here !

425 notes · View notes

opopnomi · 3 years ago

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I posted 4 433 times in 2021

177 posts created (4%)

4256 posts reblogged (96%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 24.0 posts.

I added 7 617 tags in 2021

#opfanart - 3154 posts

#mugiwara - 868 posts

#trafalgar law - 660 posts

#donquixote doflamingo - 556 posts

#unf - 471 posts

#roronoa zoro - 425 posts

#donquixote rosinante - 395 posts

#corazon - 379 posts

#well hello you - 374 posts

#writing - 335 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#(only maybe about not understanding the line between good and evil - i think he perfectly know how to play with this line to his advantages)

My Top Posts in 2021

I’m a bit late for the party but here is my messy contribution of 40 years old Sanji-kun, after sheding his jacket and waistcoat, just enjoying a glass of wine. In fact I was just looking for a reason to draw him with a loose necktie and sleeve garters.

63 notes • Posted 2021-02-16 00:25:52 GMT

@mysticaltigersorceress! It's always such a pleasure to doodle something for you ! I was so happy you asked for this period, the 18th century is my fave period of time for the history and the fashion with the Renaissance... So thank you very much and hope you'll enjoy it !

For this sketch of Rosinante during the Age of Enlightenment I've used this painting of François Drouais, today in the Louvre Museum (it was very fun to peruse through their collections to find references UwU)

Historical Fashion Event

64 notes • Posted 2021-06-21 18:02:18 GMT

Suits Up! Day 2 : Sanji

Today is our favourite cook birthday ! He is getting closer and closer to the gorgeous 40 years old version we all fell for... UwU

66 notes • Posted 2021-03-02 22:01:16 GMT

Mazette what a productive day XD

This quick sketch of a very naked and very drunk Kid asleep on a rainbow unicorn floatie was a gift for my dear @mysticaltigersorceress

84 notes • Posted 2021-06-14 22:04:43 GMT

To celebrate the 1 year anniversary of my blog and the almost 200 followers (thank you so much guys, I can’t even express how grateful I am for y’all to support me like this) I’ve decided to throw this little event around the steampunk aesthetic.

__________________________

It would be a bit like my Suit Up ! event I did a few months ago. The idea is to post 1 sketches per day in DECEMBER, so 30 spots are available.

I still accept some late asks but otherwise I will fill them myself or just delete them I am not sure for the moment...

Anyway thank you for everyone who participate !!! The festivities begin on 01/12 ! UwU

The Rules:

You guys can send me 3 characters you’d like to see in this style and I’ll pick up one of them. You can also chose one category you want your character to fit in but it’s not an obligation. You can pick one if you feel inspired by it or you can let me decide, but once again there is no obligation to it, you are totally free to send only 3 characters.

In a perfect world I would draw only each characters once but if after one week, all the spots are not claimed I may consider doing them twice but with a different category.

- To help you with it, here is some category ideas :

Scientist

Navigator / Pirate

Aristocrat

Doctor

Mad Max style

Engineer

Military / Fighter / Marcenay…

Professor

Prostitute

Priest

Thief / Outlaw

Musician

.....

Once again, there is no obligation to chose a category, it's just a guideline if you don't feel inspired.

You can request as many time as you want but please don’t exagerate…. Also references are always welcome if you have something specific in mind !

__________________________

Update 01/11 :

- Sabo for Anon

- Doffy for @coolannepotts

- Katakuri, Shanks or Killer - Mad Max for @idontlikeiobsesswriting

- Mihawk, Sanji, Robin - Professor for @idontlikeiobsesswriting

- Law, Crocodile, Monet - Detective for @chocolate-n-cheese

- Sanji, Killer, Ace - Prostitute / Doctor for @vemuabhi

- Zoro, Doflamingo, Rosinante - Mad Max for Anon

- Aristocrat Nami, Engineer Franky, Military Sabo for Anon

- Doflamingo - Priest for @doffyholic

- Zoro, Law, Ace - Policeman / Fireman / Professor for @rivvd-art

- Iceburg, Paulie, Kaku - Airship Engineer for @pagingdoctorbedlam

- Killer, Ace, Benn Beckmann - Mercenary for @mysticaltigersorceress

- Law - Priest for @some-piece

- Smoker, Wiper, Tashigi - Pirate for @ochizokulevy

- Heat, Koza, Dalton - Military / Mercenary for Anon

- Katakuri, Oven, Whitebeard - Thief for Anon

- Perona, Ulti - Artist / Performer for @midorimortem

- Iceburg, Aokiji, Victoria Cindry for @chocolate-n-cheese

- Law - Scientist for Anon

- Marco, Law, Chopper - Doctor for @chromatic-lamina

- Robin - Musician

- Robin, Zoro - Mad Max for Anon

- Marco - Scientist

______________________

UPDATE

My deeply apologies but life get in the way and I wanted to finish the historical event before begining this one so I'll just postpone this event until DECEMBER (it's even better since this blog bday will be on November 30th)

My apologies for the delay....

84 notes • Posted 2021-09-14 15:43:47 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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rayofsunas · 4 years ago

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haikyuu!! as dads (pt.1)

A/n: hello! starting off with a clean slate here yay! if some of the first few seem so short and the writing seems different, it’s because I wrote half of this like three days ago- anywways, requests are open btw!!

Summary: haikyuu characters as dads/domestic living.

Pairings: Semi Eita, Bokuto Koutarou, Kuroo Tetsurou, Oikawa Toru, Kenma Kozume

Warnings: some timeskip spoilers, fluff, parenting, angst (kinda) swearing (maybe), crack, all characters are aged up

Word count: 1.8k

Part Two!

Semi Eita

- the serious sometimes scary looking dad, but other than that he’s a fluff ball

- he may look scary but he simply cannot punish them for anything

- especially after they bonded over music, legit cannot do nothing wrong

- on the days he’s not working or with his bandmates, you can often find him with his twin daughters, teaching them how to use different musical instruments

- okay, so your daughters are still pretty young, so they aren’t very good at using most instruments, but for Christmas you and Semi got them both a small set of drums, something easy

- it was very cute to come home from work to see your husband and daughters loudly practicing on the drums

- sure at first it gave you a blasting headache, but after a while you got used to it, and even jammed out with them when you had the time

- mainly just random sounds/beats coming from the two five year olds, but Semi doesn’t mind, he’s willing to teach them and he does proudly

- if one of his daughters or both wants too

- definitely writes songs for his daughters and you

- i can see him writing lullaby’s for them and working on them for hours making sure they were perfect

- lets just say they were perfectly beautiful

- because you went to high school together, the nickname “semi semi” stuck with you (thanks chicken tendo)

- but your girls will also cutely call him “semi semi”

- you often bring them to concerts despite semi saying it’s probably too loud for them

- he’ll let you sit safely with them back stage uwu

- after he runs back to you three and is bombarded with hugs, high-fives and kithes

- YOU’RE ALL SO PROUD OF HIM

Bokuto Koutarou

- bokuto is a hyper dad, which we all saw coming. there is no taking the child out of bo

- i feel like he’d want tons of kids, probably even uses his children as an excuse to act the way he does

- i can see him with a few kids, 3 to be exact (2 boys and 1 girl)

- he likes to be really involved with his children, and gets very sad/emo when he doesn’t see them for short/long periods of time

- for example, the Black Jackals is a whole different game field than high school volleyball and it’s much more time consuming and has him away a lot

- when he does come home and has time off, let’s just say he clings to his children like a puppy

- even after a while THEY get sick of him and wanna ditch him, cue emo bo :(

- if his children gang up on him (which they do) cue emo Bo again :(

- he babies them all, can’t ever say no

- tends to go back on his word lmao

- if your oldest son begs and begs for season tickets to his favorite sports team? Bo KNOWS they can be expensive, and he was even scolded by you, but two hours after saying no, he runs back to his son and gives him the money

- if your daughter wants to get her nails done with a group of friends, he knows she picks out the most expensive polishes, etc, BUT HE DOES NOT CARE, he will gladly give her the money and even go with her to get his nails done

- yes, you heard me

- of course he’ll being chaperone for this girls day, he promises to pretend that he doesn’t know them and keep his distance (sit very far away lol), but after a little while its just hard to contain and he’s screaming to everyone in the salon that his daughter is sitting on the other side of the room eye-

- your youngest son wants an expensive sports car? done

- he just wants to make his family happy, pleaseee

Kuroo Tetsurou

- poor Kuroo, he has 2 daughters and you, so he’s surrounded by girls lol

- he actually doesn’t mind it tbh

- between you and his two daughters, he wouldn’t have it any other way

- just gives him an excuse to be overly protective

- anywhere in public, expect either kuroo holding your hand

- or holding his daughters close to him (piggy back rides, yes)

- or, he stands protectively behind you and your daughters while you talk to someone, sending them threatening glares behind your backs

- he was shy as a child, so it wasn’t surprising when one of his daughters, the youngest, was very very shy

- he doesn’t mind once again, just gives him an excuse to be protective

- although he’s busy, he always makes time for his girls ALWAYS

- definitely a bragger

- if his family is brought into a convo, he pridefully will express how cute and smart his daughters are, may or may not openly declare his daughters are the cutest amongst his co-workers children

- he’s mad intuitive and aware/observant

- kuroo always knows when one or both of his daughters are about to start crying/throw a fit

- cue dad kuroo prepared to crack funny chemistry and or science jokes

- his shy daughter finds him very funny, doubles over every time he cracks a joke and calls him a “silly rooster”

- even when she's older she still laughs and even copies his jokes

- but his other daughter just cringes, every time sigh

- when she was younger she used to fake the laughs, but when he started saying the jokes in public she just stopped reacting, hoping he would stop-

- he didn’t...

- i like to imagine kuroo and kenma staying friends even after high school, and since kenma has hella video games and a whole arcade in his house, he’ll often bring his daughters over to his house

- his eldest daughter loves it at uncle kenma’s house

- cue jealous rooster dad

Oikawa Toru

- okay so oikawa is ALWAYS busy

- isn’t home much, except during off seasons or if he messes up his knee again (yes, it’ll happen)

- in the event that he’s home due to a knee injury, he’ll wanna be catered too lmaooo

- he doesn’t expect his little girl to cater to him and really only teases you about it

- but his daughter will get him whatever he needs while he’s propped up on the couch

- she admires him so much

- his daughter kinda has a smart mouth-

- definitely got that from him, having picked up on it from a young age, while he was home

- when he was home once propped up with a messed up knee, she went “here dadkawa” as she handed him an ice pack

- he laughs at the nickname, asking you about where it came from later

“she was on call with hajime’s daughter yesterday... hajime asked how ‘poopykawa’ was doing”

- he just rolls his eyes, “at least he cleaned it up for her sake” you explained

- will not lose the “kawa” part, so it’s dadkawa lol

- when he’s away, she’s always asking for dadkawa

- when he’s here they're inseparable

- morning breakfast now will be her sitting in his lap instead of yours

- she asks to watch cartoons with him instead of you :(

- bath time consists of her arguing with you as you try to wash her hair, while oikawa sits on the closed toilet seat laughing to himself

- “mommy i want dadkawa to wash my hair!”

- “you always whine that he gets soap in your eyes”

- “I don’t care!”

- when you bring your daughter to games, she’ll be cheering him on proudly, “mommy, look at dadkawa!” “GO DADKAWA!!!!”

- since he plays for the professional Argentine team, i figure you all live in Argentina now, traveling from Argentina and Japan was tiring, so you moved to be closer

- when the news approaches him after or before games, he makes sure to show his daughter off and the whole time it’s his daughter stealing the show

- she might be shy at first, but as long as dadkawa is holding her, she’s fine

- he’ll teach her Spanish, defiantly sings happy birthday to her in Spanish because it’s special

- he calls her his princesa (princess in spanish)

Kenma Kozume

- if his child didn’t enjoy video games like him or any of his hobbies like volleyball, I feel like Kenma would have a hard time with them

- he loves his son yes, but he’d have a hard time interacting with him, especially if he’s not into video games or volleyball

- if he is though, you can often find the two in kenma’s home office, playing games

- when your son was a infant, you would always come home from being out/work to find your son sitting in his pj’s on kenma’s lap watching his dad play video games

- “it’s late, ken. i see he’s already in his pj’s- did you already have dinner?” “yes”

- “without me?” you asked, lifting up your son to give his cheeks kisses. “there’s apple pie in the fridge.”

- eye-

- yes he fed your son that, yes he needs a little guidance, yes he needs to be told apple pie is NOT dinner

- on another occasion of coming home, you found your boys in the same spot, once again playing video games, your sons eyes drifting between the game and his father every time he muttered under his breath

- “the screen is bad for your eyes kenma, and he’s just a baby! he’ll get bad eyes too!”

- kenma’s short answer is, “he won’t”

- when your son got older, and he started getting into video games, it got harder for you to tear his eyes away from the screen

- he’s been around video games his whole life, so of course it’d be hard, you just didn’t think he’d grow attached

- kenma leaves most of the strict parenting to you, because he LEGIT doesn’t NOT know what to say

- he’s lowkey afraid he’ll push his son away if he says the wrong thing, but he’s also worried that if he doesn't say anything, they’ll have no real relationship, so he struggles

- he tries his hardest to bond with him over video games and volleyball though

- as said by your son, kenma’s cooking can’t compare to yours, BUT he does know how to make a yummy apple pie

- his son will help kenma with said apple pie, when he’s younger he was often the taste tester and made a mess every time

- kenma gets nervous in huge crowds and really around anyone he doesn’t know, so if his son is a social butterfly he’ll try to get kenma used to people other than himself and you

- somehow, during the rare moments his son has problems (friends, school etc), kenma will be the one to speak up privately

- he’ll definitely tell his son to surround himself with a good friend/good friends, he also makes sure to let him know the importance of quality over quantity

- he has a brotherly relationship with kuroo, and if not for kuroo he’d be alone, he wants the same thing for his son

10.20.20, rayofsunas

#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!!#semi eita #semi eita x reader #kuroo tetsuro #kuroo tetsurou #kuroo tetsuro x reader #kuroo tetsurou x reader #oikawa toru #oikawa toru x reader #kenma kozume #kenma kozume x reader #bokuto koutarou #bokuto koutaro #bokuto koutarou x reader #rayofsunas

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intothehawkseyes · 3 years ago

Text

The Dancer in the Moonlight - Dracule Mihawk x Female OC/Reader (N.S.F.W)

hello, it's been 84 years... but i'm here to update this fanfic uwu

warnings: alcohol

word count: 3k

ao3, spirit (português)

if you are a new reader, you can find the first chapter here and welcome, i hope you enjoy it! to the older readers, i hope you forgive me for the late update and keep interested :( but the next chapter will be coming up sooner than this one and will be nsfw!

but, have a good read, and comments are greatly welcome and sorry for any mistake!!! <3

A legend was heard over the seas and on land about an event that changed the lunar cycle of an entire island. According to what was said, on a night of strong storm, a woman goes into labor at sea, alone, in a small sailing boat. Right after the first baby cry, the waves stop and the moon that lit up behind dense clouds begins to make room for the biggest star. Astonished, the island's inhabitants watch the postpartum woman return safely with the baby in her arms, while trying to understand how someone could survive in a small boat in the middle of a storm at sea, as they have never witnessed such a phenomenon. In addition to the miraculous birth, they also saw the sun entering the moon's front, leaving them even more open-mouthed. The most emotional ones say that the eclipse happened because the baby would be the “Heir of the Moon”, and the Sun was the first guest to visit her at her birth. And even within the legend, from that moment on, the location of the island simply disappeared from all compasses, preventing people from going after the truth, thus putting the child's safety at risk, as it was graced by a strange power coming from the Moon, and could attract a lot of malicious people. However, with the passage of time, the legend fell into the oblivion of adults and became just a story for children.

Even though there is no evidence as to the veracity of the correlation with the legendary island, as it is no more than a fictional story, there is actually an island named Gesshoku¹, which is well known for producing the best wines, and many believe that this one island is the same one present in the story and the speculation comes from the suggestive name that surrounds the natural satellite – so present in the legend – and the fact that it does not appear in any compass.

However, although it seemed complicated to go there, it is not difficult to find pirates who have visited Gesshoku Island, and it is said to be located on the edge of the Grand Line, at a point where the ocean waters are treacherous, making many vessels diverted to the Calm Belt, making the adventure extremely dangerous.

Regardless of what is real or fiction, whether there is any heir to the Moon with strange powers or not, I went to Gesshoku Island just for the wine.

Contrary to all the rumors surrounding arriving on the island at the risk of being thrown to a stationary place and loaded with kings of the seas, my trip was smooth, and I got there without any harm.

The first thing I noticed upon arriving was the hospitality of the locals. Everyone always with smiles on their faces ready to welcome each foreigner who docked their boats and ships in the port. With me it was no different, something that was not always the case as I was usually received by crossed and contemptuous looks. Still, I left my boat moored in a strategic, remote corner, always on the lookout in case something went wrong along the way.

I went there with the script already decided. First I would look for an inn to stay in, and leave my little luggage and soon after I would go to a winery to learn more about wine making and only then would I go out in search of information about the place and its customs. However, the energy of the island, which I hadn't identified right away, meant that plans were all put aside so that fate would define each visitor's itinerary. I was no exception.

The first sign that my itinerary was not going to work was when all the inns and hotels were full, I only got a place very far from the central area, which made me frustrated, but the room was clean, spacious and quiet, so I stayed right there. The second sign was that the wineries were closed due to a pest that had spread to almost all the vines, resulting in a considerable reduction in the production of wines.

Maybe I should have checked out of the inn at that moment, but I insisted, because the trip, although calm, had been long and I wouldn't waste money and time like that.

Resigned, I stopped in front of a bar and for a quick glance I saw a rather presentable cellar. I entered. And it was in this bar that I would come to know the lady of my life and the one responsible for my misfortune, even if she wasn't aware of it at that point.

♚♛

I was just sipping the wine, alert enough not to be caught off guard, but not enough to pay attention to the unrestrained in and out of the bar. I just wanted to relax and enjoy the moment of peace presented to myself after so many setbacks. However, my peace was shaken when, in a fraction of a second, and in the rare glances I gave the establishment's door, my eyes caught the figure of a woman who entered the place. She would be just another random customer that would leave my mind the instant she was no longer within sight of my eyes if it weren't for her imposing way of carrying herself. Something about her made my eyes nab at her image, maybe it was the elegant way of tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, or the almost sensual way of crossing her legs – quite attractive, by the way –, and straightening her posture as she sat in the front chair at the counter after ordering.

It was involuntary the way I followed her every gesture with my eyes. I can't explain it, but I just couldn't take my eyes off that woman. She chatted amiably with the bartender, like good old friends, and my curiosity and desire to get closer to her only grew as she tilted her head back to laugh at something the man had said to her. She was unusually different from other women, who carried themselves in a restrained manner, always hiding their mouths with their hands when they laughed. But that stranger didn't seem to care what others might say, she acted spontaneously, in such a way that it would be impossible not to notice her. Despite the flashy aura emanating from her, I seemed to be the only one affected there. I reined in my instincts and turned my attention to my wine, which no longer tasted so good, still intrigued that I had been so uneasy in the presence of this strange lady.

Though I tried not to look at her too much, I still wasn't able to contain the urge to take a few furtive glances in the direction she was sitting and talking to the attendant, condemning me for acting like a fool because she didn't seem to have the same interest in me, since she hadn't even looked at where I was, as her friend had sometimes done.

But to my surprise, before I could leave my seat to settle my bill, she was quicker to get up, still looking at the bartender, and pointing to a bottle of wine that was in a prominent place, which was one of those that should be opened on very special occasions. Which seemed to be the case with her, since she said out loud – too loud – that this was a special night and that she wouldn't be tasting the wine alone. After that, she straightened her robes before grabbing the bottle and leaving the bar, this time holding my gaze with those unreadable eyes.

I was never a man to prioritize dating – that's not exactly the right word to describe my relationships with the opposite gender, although I kept my sex life active as much as possible. I've also never been stubborn about moving mountains to get someone. I have always been objective and valued for mutual interest. When I had the need to indulge myself sexually with a woman, I specifically went out looking for it. However, the instant that mysterious lady entered the same bar I was in, my focus completely changed. I felt an itch grow in my lower belly and a restlessness took possession of my being.

After she left the establishment with that bottle of wine, her words began to echo in my mind with an undertone of reproach to my fixation. Surely she would have a boyfriend or even be married, I figured. So I put it in the back of my mind, in a place with difficult access, and headed towards the inn to take a shower and then decide to go back to my house. This island had already brought me enough trouble and I wasn't about to face another one.

And once again something stopped my plans.

Along the way, I heard the voices of three children whispering to each other, as if they were deciding who would approach someone. When I get angry and turn around to tell the three of them to shut up, my eyes lock on the tiny figure of a girl of about nine or ten years old, and I completely forget the reprimand for being amazed at the child's stark resemblance to the woman from the bar.

"Hello you!!" she says in a small voice, forcing a sympathetic smile. “Today there's going to be a festival here, can you attend…?”, she tried to formulate sentences while nervously gesturing with her hands, which were holding a crumpled piece of paper. “Here! It's tonight, don't go away because there will be good wine!” she said before throwing the crumpled paper near my feet, which I assumed was so I could pick it up and read it, and run off with the other two boys who were with her. In the distance I could hear them questioning what their sister had seen in a man so terrifying that he had made her fall in love.

I would have ignored the paper if I hadn't overheard such a conversation. So I picked it up and stuffed it into my pocket and headed to the inn, this time succeeding in my goal.

♚♛

After my shower, I rested in the lounging chair while reading a book I had picked up in the small library of the inn where I talked about the island. A curious thing was the value they placed on their customs and pride in their local culture.

Although focused on reading, my mind diverged on how interesting was the existing variety of children's books about the child "Heir of the Moon" in all ways, illustrated, in comic book form, short stories, lullabies and etc., which made me wonder if Gesshoku Island couldn't really be home to such a legend.

But that aside, I finished reading the book and intended to take it back to the library. The piece of paper given to me by the child earlier fell with a photo of one of my overcoat pockets as soon as I picked it up. This time I paid attention to it. It was a pamphlet about the festival and information, no biggie. However, the possibility that that woman was there crossed my mind, and this idea only intensified when I noticed that the photo that had fallen next to the brochure, which I deduced had been purposely placed there, was of a young woman with unreadable eyes, the same ones that met mine at the bar.

Maybe a festival wasn't such a bad thing. I was there for the distraction, after all. With that in mind, I gained the inn hallway and headed toward the library.

♚♛

When the sun was already fading over the horizon, from the window of the room I was staying in, I could see a crowd taking on an increasingly voluminous shape. The winemakers were already preparing to open the best wines from their respective cellars to offer their customers and also juices for those who were not old enough to drink alcoholic beverages.

The festival took place once a year, from what I've read about the island's culture, and there was no specific day, just so that any obstacles would not prevent the event from happening – such as the last one in which a plague spread through the winery –, and so that the strangers present would not return home without knowing the most valuable thing the island could offer.

I stayed on the porch just as an observer, I wasn't in the mood to face that crowd of people, although I wanted to taste a good wine, I knew that place was exceptional for that. So I preferred to wait patiently for the right time and also when the excitement of the beginning of the party calmed down a little. Furthermore, the best wines would be the last to be opened, as it was a way of holding as many people as possible.

Between glances at the movement below, I caught the moment when the three children from earlier appeared in the crowd. With the same energy, but much more excited. Even though I was a considerable distance away, I could see them passing each booth to look at the treats while a young woman approached them to pay for what they ordered. And the lady was the same one from the bar, as I thought.

And that was my cue for me to enjoy the festival too.

Lucky for me, people were too busy enjoying the festivities and entertaining the festival's attractions. I was one more among so many people, and so I went unnoticed by any enemies who were there. With this feeling of tranquility, I was also able to enjoy it in my own way, in a more remote location.

After a while there, I was able to feel much more at ease. The island's atmosphere and energy were welcoming and made anyone feel at home. Maybe it was the way the locals treated the outsiders, with a lot of sympathy and smiles, or maybe it was the wine I had drunk but any irritation caused by the adversities throughout the day seemed to have completely disappeared and I tasted of a tranquility that only then I felt when I was in my house.

After just watching the coming and going of people, between sips of wine and another, my eyes caught the moment when a cluster of people formed around an enigmatic figure of a woman. Before I could think too hard or try to figure out her identity, the dancer began a shy, slow dance. The restrained gestures were encouraged by the small audience around her and they began to create a firmer and more precise form. The way that woman was gesturing was familiar to me, but I didn't try to remember as I wanted to watch it. I must admit that I carry a fascination with dancing with me, although I've never talked about it with anyone. It's really interesting to see how someone manages to use their body to express themselves, which was the case in the middle of the festival. The dancer in question seemed to have mastered the art of dancing and was in full control of every member of her body, as the dance had steps that only someone with a lot of training could reproduce, and these were performed with such skill that they looked as smooth as a feather. .

As I was far away, almost hidden in the dimness, the dancing woman had her back to me, so I only had a view of her back, which was covered in light, thin fabrics that reminded her of veils and that hid her body curves. But the feeling of familiarity only increased as the dance progressed to a climax, and at that moment the person turned and as if it were predestined, our eyes met and it was as if everything had cleared: it was the girl from the bar.

Even though her eyes were covered by a kind of transparent mask, I would have recognized them from yards away. And the moment she noticed my presence, her movements abruptly changed. If before they were firm and precise, now they seemed much looser and more sensual. The dance took another turn and my sanity was almost taken with it.

The dancer did not lose focus as she changed the tone of her dance, quite the contrary, the transition was made so smoothly that it was not noticeable. Still hidden in my personal space almost in darkness, my eyes followed her every movement of her hips and my mind immersed in nasty thoughts. Her silhouette wasn't well defined due to her fabrics, but that didn't stop me from tracing her in my imagination. She used her hands too, with her eyes locked on mine, gesturing as if inviting me to join her, and as soon as she changed direction, breaking our eye contact, and unpretentiously she moved and the fabrics fluttered so that I got a glimpse of her curves for milliseconds, but enough to take my breath away. She really knew what she was doing and used all her weapons to get what she wanted. I just let myself go.

However, her dancing not only caught my attention, but also some pirates present there, who began to direct her obscene words, which she didn't seem to hear, as she didn't change her way of dancing for even a second. I continued as a passive spectator, just watching the unfolding of the event, she continued the dance and I kept my attention on her, and the pirates too, until the point came that one of them dared to invade the dancer's personal space and from that what unfolded was very fast: a very loud popping noise and the power outage that lasted for less than thirty seconds, but when everything lit up again, the dancer was no longer on her stage and in her place only one purple pink smoke poured from the floor. It was a cheap trick, but it was effective because the pirates were like dizzy cockroaches trying to figure out where the woman had gone.

She had come towards me, I just felt her presence sneak past me leaving a trail of soft perfume and a touch on my hand causing a new shiver down my spine, out of the corner of my eye I saw her disappearing once and for all into the darkness.

Still a little dizzy from the alcohol, but much more sober than before, I made my way to the inn room where I would check-out.

I made the journey slowly, packed my things and took a new shower to chase away any traces of drunkenness and left the place after paying off the bill and headed towards the place where my boat was moored, not without first searching all the places in search of the woman who had disturbed my mind all day, not finding her. Resigned, I decided to leave.

I unhitched it and advanced the boat towards the ocean that would take me back home, but before I could make my way home I saw her finally. This time she was sitting on the dock, as if waiting for someone, and unlike the baggy clothes that hid her curves, she now wore a tight red dress, fully defining her voluptuous figure. Beside her was the bottle of wine she'd picked up earlier at the bar and two crystal glasses. I risked walking past her, and I didn't have to do anything to get her attention, because as soon as she looked at me and gave me a crystalline smile. Seeing her up close, she looked even more beautiful.

We didn't say anything, as if we understood each other mutely, she held out the wine and glasses to me and I picked them up and set them down in a corner of the boat and then it was time to put her there. I pulled her around the waist and now she was much closer to me and I was now able to see every detail of her face. As beautiful as the full moon that illuminated the entire island imposingly.

#mihawk x you #mihawk x reader #mihawk imagine #op boys imagine #one piece #dracule mihawk #one piece mihawk #mihawk x oc #hawkeye mihawk #lunar eclipse part 2 #lunar eclipse chapter 2 #one piece imagine #mihawk x y/n

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obsidianfr3sk · 3 years ago

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Shooting Star

@renegades-ship-weeks - Renegades Ship Week #1 | Humon - Dancing

Summary: Maybe it was the fact that Simon wasn’t aware of Max’s weird tendency to sleep when they played upbeat songs. Or maybe that he had never heard that song. He had seen him dancing at public events, with him or with other members of the Council. He had also seen him dancing during their wedding day, and he was dancing with him. But he hadn’t seen him dancing like that before.

AO3

SKDJFJHDSJ IT’S TODAY, IT’S TODAY SDKFJHJDSK TODAY THE RENEGADES SHIP WEEK STARTS TODAY AND WHAT BETTER WAY TO START IT WITH SOME RENEGAYS CONTENT <3

Ok, so this... is kind of a songfic (? I thought the format fitted the prompt better. The song I choose for this is Shooting Star by Owl City (thank you, Dawnie, for letting me know about its existance uwu). I’d recommend you hear the song before reading this or when the dancing scene arrives (you’ll know, don’t worry).

None of this would be possible without the help of the amazing @greasicookies. Thanks for hosting this event✨ I don’t know if there has been another thing like this before, but this is actually my first ship weeks in this fandom and I’m so exited!! I hope we can get a lot more! And for those who are still thinking about participating or not, go for it c:

Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoy!✨

Tag list: @honey-hippie-harper @healing-winston-pratt @lackadae @the-wee-woo-rita @dt-everwoods @greenalmond

When the sun goes down and the lights burn out,

then it's time for you to shine

brighter than a shooting star.

So shine no matter where you are.

Enough time had passed for him to forget the first time he danced with Hugh.

It was one of the downsides of knowing someone for a long time. The first time they probably danced together was to some tune they heard on the radio in the living room of one of their houses, the park, or the street, but it happened when he was so young, that now, Simon couldn’t remember what song it was, if the sky was blue that day, or how the concept of dancing looked like for them at that age.

But one of the advantages of knowing someone for a long time was that you were constantly making memories with them. So, for him, the first time he really danced with Hugh, was during their wedding day. And it was beautiful and romantic, and if he could live inside a moment for the rest of his existence, it would be that one.

And he didn’t even feel embarrassed while he was doing it.

Not that he was embarrassed to dance with his husband in public. It was something he had… thought about. That maybe there was still someone inside of him that was constantly telling him he was wrong, that his feelings were wrong, and that everything that Hugh represented was also wrong, and since he was thinking about that stuff in the middle of the night, he woke up Hugh to tell him that he loved him (to which Hugh responded, “Okay. I don't love it when you wake me up though.")

The next day, Adrian was invited to a birthday party. He was super excited because it was the first birthday party he attended after the Age of Anarchy. Adrian hadn’t looked that happy in months, and even though Simon didn’t feel like going, he did, just so he could share that little moment of happiness with his son. The three of them walked down the street to the house where the party was being hosted, and it didn’t take long for Adrian to join the other kids.

Hugh and Simon sat down at an empty table. They didn’t mind being the only ones there because, at least, they could talk to each other. Although, now that Simon remembered, they were, like, a feet apart from each other, and that morning, after he got out of the shower, he saw Hugh standing in front of the mirror while wearing a random shirt.

As soon as he walked into the room, he asked him:

“Do you think this shirt looks too… gay?”

And Simon just said:

“Love. Everything you wear looks gay.”

He ended up wearing another shirt anyway. And khakis.

Yeah.

Luckily, it was a one-time thing.

At that moment, he was feeling a little bit awkward because they didn’t know anybody at that party, but everyone else seemed to know each other. Simon was pretty sure that the only reason they weren’t actively trying to talk to them was that they weren’t sure if they could, not because those suburban mothers and their husbands were hate-criming them or something.

They definitely weren’t hate-criming them. And he wasn’t being sarcastic. Simon was also wearing khakis that day, plus a purple polo, so they ended up looking like a couple of straight friends who decided to adopt a kid to strengthen their friendship or something.

He was eating a brownie he had gotten from the candy bar when they both received a message from Kasumi about something that was going on at Headquarters and that she needed one of them to be there (adding “pretty please” at the end of the sentence so it didn’t sound too harsh).

They looked at each other and Hugh raised an eyebrow.

“Do you want me to go?”

Simon shrugged. “I can go if you want to.”

“No, I’ll go. You stay with Adrian. Let me say goodbye to him.”

Adrian got out of the trampoline as soon as he heard his name. Hugh explained the situation to him, but then assured him that they would see each other at the house, and then Adrian asked him if he wanted him to save some cake for him. He smiled, told him that would be nice, and kissed his forehead before going with the mom that was hosting the party to thank her for inviting them (only because Simon told him he had to, since he had seen enough movies to know that if he didn’t, those evil white mothers would hate them for the rest of their lives and wouldn’t let their kids play with theirs).

Adrian returned to the trampoline soon after that, and since Hugh hadn’t finished his brownie, Simon didn’t see why he couldn’t do it for him. He stayed there, doing his best not to think about all the things others may be saying about him for sitting at a table all by himself and fighting against his instinct to disappear.

Which he ended up doing when he heard some kid saying “ Pops ” right next to him.

It took him longer to realize that kid was Adrian and he was talking to him.

They stared at each other for a while before Simon said, “What’s wrong, darling?”

Adrian was smiling. There wasn’t anything wrong with him. “Can you enter the competition with me?”

But when he looked at where his kid was pointing, he realized there was something very wrong with that competition.

First of all, the judge was a clown that had been going around the party giving balloon animals and doing typical clown stuff with the kids, and he didn’t know why, but Simon had always had an irrational… not fear, but distrust towards clowns. Maybe it was because when he went to his first birthday party at the age of four, his animal balloon popped after just a few seconds of having him, and the clown, being completely done with him, gave him another and told him: “Don’t be gay, kiddo” , in a really rude and condescending tone (but who knows.)

Then, it was a dancing competition.

Dancing .

In front of another fifteen kids and their parents.

And Simon wanted to say no because he knew he didn’t have to do anything that would make him feel uncomfortable in any way…

But he ended up saying yes. Because he wanted to see Adrian happy, and he knew Adrian would be happy if they participated in the competition.

So he just nodded and let him guide him to the center of the dancefloor, which was only a small portion of the garden that was covered in gravel. Then, Adrian extended his hands towards him, Simon grabbed them and waited until the music started to play.

It wasn’t… that bad. Honestly, Simon has done more embarrassing things during his lifetime. For example, when Queen Bee punched him during a fight while she was wearing not one, but three rings, and she started to laugh as soon as she saw the first tears running down his face. Simon turned invisible so no one could see him, but it was already too late and everyone there already knew Dread Warden was crying like a little kid because a lady had punched him a little too hard.

And no one was laughing at him for that (except Queen Bee because, as his enemy, that was her job), but he felt like every single one of those people, who were more busy trying to escape the bees that were buzzing around during the fight, were actually paying enough attention to him to laugh at his tears. So that's why, that afternoon, while Adrian was having the time of his life trying to win that competition with his dad, he could only think that bunch of seven-year-olds was making fun of him (the same way those four-year-old made fun of him when the clown called him gay).

It felt like a lot. And they didn't win, but as soon as they got eliminated, he waited for Adrian to go back with the other kids, turned invisible, made his way to the bathroom, and proceeded to puke his guts out as soon as he kneeled in front of the toilet. He spent a good ten minutes waiting for the panic attack to pass before deciding he could go back to the party as nothing had happened.

The first thing he saw after returning to the backyard, was Adrian looking around, totally lost in that sea of people. And as soon as he noticed Simon was there, he let go of the balloon animal he was holding, and just ran towards him and hugged him tightly by the waist.

Simon immediately hugged him back.

A little confused. But he didn't hesitate to hug him back.

“Pops… I'm feeling sick” Adrian mumbled.

“You're feeling sick?” he nodded slightly. That was his chance. “You know, I'm feeling a little bit sick too. What if we… just— go home?”

Adrian was super on board with that idea and didn't let go of Simon while he did his best to look normal while he said goodbye to the birthday boy and his parents. They had served the cake while he was gone, so the mom gave him four pieces inside a small plastic container, which only meant he was going to go back to that house to return it to her.

When they arrived at the house, Adrian grabbed him by the waist again and he refused to let him go, even after Simon kindly asked him to do it so he could make some tea for the two of them (because, for what Adrian told him while they were in the car, he was dizzy and had a stomach ache). But Adrian grabbed him tighter, so Simon had to be extra careful while making the chamomile tea because he was terrified of burning his kid with the boiling water. Then, he put both cups in a small tray and slowly walked to the living room, where he put it on the coffee table and sat down with Adrian on the couch.

Adrian grabbed his cup (that was shaped like an orange and had a smiley face) and Simon realized it was the first time he drank tea with him.

“Be careful, darling.”

“I will…”

And while he saw him sipping his tea, he just knew he had to ask him.

“Adrian— did something happen while I was gone?” he whispered. Adrian didn’t turn to see him. “Did— the kids laugh at you? Did someone there make you feel… bad? You can tell me.”

Adrian continued sipping his tea a little bit before putting it back on the tray. After that, he finally looked him in the eye, opened his mouth to answer, and—

He started crying.

When he finally managed to calm down a little, he explained to him that he got scared when he went to the table to ask him if he wanted cake too because he thought something bad had happened to him.

Adrian— well, he thought that Simon had died.

And it broke his heart because it wasn’t like Adrian didn’t have a completely valid reason to believe that.

So they stayed there, on the couch, hugging each other, until Adrian stopped crying and told him he wanted to go play with his toys.

His tea was already cold by then. But Adrian had finished his’, so that was a good thing. He knew chamomile tea helped to reduce anxiety levels.

It didn’t help him though.

Hugh called Simon to tell him he was going to stay at Headquarters the rest of the day and Adrian suddenly developed supernatural hearing because he was able to hear his dad’s voice from the other side of the house. He asked Simon to pass him the phone and stayed a couple of minutes talking with Hugh, telling him about how awesome the party had been and that he wanted to see him again soon.

Then, the rest of the day went as normal. Except that, occasionally, Adrian left what he was doing and went to where Simon was. Just... to make sure he was still there, he guessed.

At least he wasn’t saying anything about the fact of Hugh not being there with them. Because Adrian only had two moods when it came to the relationship with his dads, and one of them was “If I don’t see you and my daddy in this exact moment, right in front of me, I’m literally gonna cry and scream until I explode” , and it would have been a little bit difficult to deal with that at the moment.

He didn’t say anything when he put on his pajamas and went upstairs to wait for Simon to finish his chores so they could go to bed together. It took him a little bit longer than he expected because he was organizing the fridge (he spent like forty minutes trying to remember the very specific organization system Hugh had implemented the first minute they moved to that house), but he eventually did and when he entered the room, Adrian was already falling asleep.

So he kissed him goodnight and tried to sleep too.

He was about to do it when Hugh opened the bedroom’s door.

Instead of saying “I’m home” , “Hi, love” , or even asking “What’s the kid doing here?” , he greeted him with:

“Did you clean the fridge?”

And Simon immediately knew he had messed up the organization system.

“Yes, I did. It smelled like eggs.”

“The cheese goes next to the eggs. Animal products go together.”

He didn’t sound mad.

He sounded condescending, but he kind of knew he didn’t mean to.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he answered.

He heard him taking his uniform off before putting on normal clothes, and he laid next to Adrian. He slightly opened his eyes and a small smile appeared on his face; then he rolled over and got closer to him.

They waited for Adrian to fall asleep again before they started talking about their days.

“So, yeah,” Simon said after finishing the tale of how he had a panic attack so violent that he ended up puking in a very elegant and suburban bathroom at a stranger’s house. “I think dancing is not my thing.”

“Dancing sucks,” Hugh said. Adrian was drooling a little bit on his shirt, but either he didn't notice or he just didn't care. “I have never had… a panic attack over that, but… I don’t like it. It feels unnatural. And I’m not very good at it anyway.”

“You don’t like doing things you’re not good at.”

“Not gonna lie, it kind of hurts my ego.”

Simon snorted and Hugh smiled a little bit.

A day after that, Adrian asked Simon if they could go eat at that fast food restaurant they had passed by last week when they were going to Headquarters. He agreed and the three of them went to the exact place Adrian said. It was located in a… “not very nice zone” and apparently, all the parents of the city had decided to bring their kids there too, which meant it was loud and messy, and those employees were obviously overworked.

Hugh and he would have turned around as soon as they saw the state of the place, but Adrian was in a weird mood, and it was Simon’s turn to make dinner, something he didn’t feel like doing. So he told Hugh to pick something at random (after he spent a whole minute looking at the options) and order a combo with a toy for Adrian, plus twenty nuggets that Simon was not willing to share with any members of his family.

Adrian’s order arrived first. He had already finished his burguer when his dads got their meals, and he announced to them (because he wasn't going to ask for permission) that he was going to go play at the playground. Hugh told him to be careful, but Adrian practically ignored him and took off before he could even finish saying “... and don’t you dare take off your socks while you’re inside that thing”.

Simon started to play with Adrian’s toy (a cheap action figure of a random white man that wore a green jacket and was winking at him) while Hugh saw through the glass that separated them from the playground area, probably making sure Adrian didn’t get hurt or took off his socks, which in his head, would have been worse.

When Hugh was finally able to calm down, he turned to see Simon.

“So— you really eat those twenty nuggets by yourself.”

“Nineteen,” Simon corrected. “This—” he showed the nugget to him “—is the last one. Do you want it?”

He had his own nuggets and a cheeseburger he hadn’t finished yet. “Only if you don’t want it.”

“Nah. I do want it,” he answered. “I was just trying to be nice.”

Simon put the nugget inside his mouth and while he was chewing it, he realized Hugh was staring at him, but he couldn’t figure out why until he blurted out:

“I'm sorry I wasn't there for you during the party.”

He wasn’t expecting that.

“Oh—” he took a sip of his soda “—Don’t worry. You didn’t know.”

“Next time call me. So I can help you.”

And he promised himself (and Hugh) he would do it by taking his hand under the table and nodding, before resting his head on his shoulder.

“Do you think I shouldn’t have eaten those twenty nuggets?” he asked after a while.

“Not all at,” Hugh assured him. “Actually, it was very sexy of you.”

“I feel very sexy right now, not gonna lie.”

“Good. Because I think you should kiss me. If you’re in the mood for that.”

Simon was in the mood for that. He first kissed Hugh’s cheek, but he thought it wasn’t enough, so he decided to go for his lips. He wasn’t able to stop when he felt Hugh’s putting his hand on his knee, and before they could start making out in the middle of a restaurant as if they were a couple of straight teenagers, he heard a pitched voice say “Ew!”, which immediately made them break the kiss and go into fight mode, ready to be kicked out and banned from ever coming back there.

But it was only Adrian.

“Ew, pops, don’t do that,” he kept saying. “Why are you kissing him?”

“Because he’s my husband, Adrian. And your dad.”

Adrian crossed his arms and frowned.

“Well, I don’t like it—” he extended his hand “—Can I have some ice cream, pops?”

“You didn’t finish your fries, son,” Hugh pointed out. But he didn’t listen to him, again, and asked Simon once more if he could have some ice cream, making a lot of emphasis when he pronounced “pops” .

And there it was, Adrian’s second mood: “I only love you, pops, and if someone gives me enough candy bars, I would throw Captain Chromium down the stairs.”

A year has gone by since then. Therapy and meds had helped him a lot so he had never needed to call him during a panic attack, mostly because when that happened, someone was always willing to help him. For example, one time Tamaya and Simon went to a departmental store during their lunch break because she wanted to buy a bag of eggnog gummies that were only sold there, and Adrian decided to join them. There, Simon turned around for a quick second to check a mirror that would look amazing at their house before realizing that his kid had disappeared. He could see Tamaya looking at some little bird statues that they sold there (being extra careful as to not hit anything with her wings), but Adrian was nowhere to be seen. So obviously he started this frenetic search for him, which lasted, like, five minutes, because Tamaya eventually found Simon, and told him that Adrian had been with her the whole time, just that he was too short for Simon to notice him. They had to go to the restroom and Tamaya grabbed Simon’s and Adrian’s hands while they both calmed down, telling them from time to time that everything was all right (but deep down, Simon knew it really wasn’t; they were in the ladies restroom and there was a mother with his kid that looked at them in a weird way).

Tamaya must have told Kasumi about the whole thing because she taught him a few strategies she had learned to control her own panic attacks. She had been going to therapy too but read a few books about spirituality and meditation, not because she was super into it, but because she thought some concepts were interesting. One time, Evander was the only one there and since empathy wasn’t his strong suit, the only thing he kept saying was “Breathe, Simon, breathe, for fuck’s sake”. He wasn’t yelling, but he wasn’t being nice either, and honestly, that attitude only worsened Simon’s state; he even began to scream that he needed to go to the hospital because he thought he was dying, and Evander began to panic too because he had never been alone when Simon was in that state. Eventually, Simon remembered the promise he made and tried to reach for his phone while mumbling something about calling Hugh, but Evander told him not to worry about it, that he was going to call him.

And Evander, instead of grabbing his phone and doing that, opened the door, and after making sure no one else was there, he yelled:

“HUGH, SIMON NEEDS TO TALK TO YOU!”

Hugh was there in a matter of seconds.

Most of the time, he was there in a matter of seconds.

He kind of knew that if he ever needed the same kind of help, Hugh was going to call him but he never did. Not until a couple of months ago.

They were at a Women’s Day event. There was a group of dancers that was going to do a kind of opening number; a performance in honor of the victims of femicide. Tamaya was going to give a speech about the issue and how that day wasn’t of celebration, but of reflection and remembrance. Kasumi was hugging her ukulele case (she was going to perform a song she had written during the Age of Anarchy, which she refused to show the rest of the team), Evander was reading a pamphlet someone had given him, and Simon was holding Hugh’s hand, trying to hide the fact they weren’t doing much.

Suddenly, Hugh asked him: “Why is it so hot in here?”

They were at Cosmopolis Park and it was March. He didn’t feel it was that hot to be honest.

Evander turned to see them and smirked. “I’m sorry.”

Kasumi rolled her eyes and Tamaya hit him in the back of the head, without even bothering to take her eyes away from her notes.

Hugh didn’t think it was funny. “I’m being serious— It’s really hot.”

“Change into your civilian clothes after the inauguration,” Kasumi said.

The five of them were wearing their uniforms. Tamaya had a purple kerchief (that represented the feminist movement) around her wrist and Kasumi had a green one (that represented the fight for reproductive rights). Evander and Simon had talked about changing their clothes and put on the gray t-shirts the male members of patrol units were wearing. Only the female members were wearing their full uniforms because when the sun started to go down, there was going to be a march and they were going to be the ones protecting the people there. Tamaya and Kasumi had told them that the feminist organizations they were in contact with had told them they didn’t want any male patrol units during the march, but said that if Hugh, Simon, Evander, or Adrian wanted to go, they could. Simon was the only one who told them he accepted, Hugh and Evander remained quiet, and he wasn’t even sure if Adrian was aware of the situation, since he had decided to stay at Headquarters with Prism.

But Simon was about to tell Hugh about what Evander and he were going to do when Hugh said: “ No .”

Because he was working. And when he was working, he had to wear his superhero suit.

Tamaya and Kasumi had more important matters to attend to, so they dismissed Hugh and continued with their plans. The leader of the dance group told them they were ready, and the five of them walked to the stage. Instead of being the first one to talk (like he did at every event) Hugh stayed back and allowed Tamaya to do her thing.

He didn't seem like he wanted to do a lot of talking anyways. Simon could tell that pretending he wasn't uncomfortable wearing his suit that day was taking a lot of his energy, and he even began to think his husband was going to faint in front of all the cameras (but it was probably just his anxiety talking, like always).

When Tamaya finished, they watched the whole performance with the rest of the public. The dancers were wearing black clothes and purple kerchiefs, but six of them had white dresses with red paint that pretended to be blood. They danced while other women in the background sang the song and played some drums. At the end of the performance, a little girl entered the stage and yelled: “Justice for Lady I!” , before letting go of the six balloons she was holding.

Simon clapped until his hands were numb.

And until he realized Hugh was gone.

“Where is he?” Simon asked Tamaya.

She knew exactly what he was talking about.

“In the middle of the performance, he told me he wanted to go somewhere else,” she said.

Then she went quiet again. So Simon added: “Did he tell you where he was going to be?”

“I didn't ask him. I just said 'Elope, bitch' . And he did.”

Simon started to look for him in the crowd until he felt his phone vibrating on his pants. He didn't see who was calling but, for some reason, he knew it was Hugh.

“Hello?”

The other side of the line remained quiet.

For a second, Simon's imagination started to run wild and he was already imagining a scenario where someone had kidnaped Hugh (somehow) and he wasn't able to talk because if he did, they were going to hurt him or someone else. But then, he saw him in the distance, near some trees and a little bit far away from the event, and Simon walked towards him. Without hanging up the phone, just in case.

He only did it when he was right next to him.

Hugh didn't say anything for a long time. And Simon didn't, either, mainly because he was waiting for the answer to his question of “Is there anything I can do for you?” , an answer that never arrived.

Then, he proved with:

“Did you see the whole performance?”

Hugh turned to see him. They were both sitting under a tree, gazing at the distance.

He said, with a monotone voice and an emotionless expression:

“I will never understand contemporary dance.”

After a couple of minutes, he asked him if they could go back home ( home ; not the Headquarters) and Simon accepted. Hugh went the whole way without talking to him, massaging his temple, and when he asked him if there was something wrong, he told him he had a headache, but in a very… weird way.

He was irritable. To say the least. So Simon decided that the best thing he could do at that moment was to not intervene and just keep driving.

Hugh went upstairs and locked himself in their room, while Simon waited for Prism to take Adrian back home before the march started so she could go join them. He managed to keep Adrian downstairs so he didn't go and bother his other dad. It wasn't until 11 PM, when Adrian was already asleep and Kasumi told him the march had ended, that he decided to go check on Hugh.

It was pretty late but the TV was on and he was completely awake.

It didn’t surprise him at all.

“Are you feeling better?”

But instead of answering, he asked back: “How are you feeling?”

“Fine. I just— I stayed downstairs. I guessed you didn’t want to be bothered.” Simon tried to recognize the show that was on, but couldn’t. “What are you watching?”

He sat down on the mattress and Hugh got closer to him. Simon took it as a sign he wanted to cuddle, so he laid next to him and rested his head on his chest.

“You know what other thing I will never understand?”

Contemporary dance.

“What?”

“People who go out with their partners to take dance classes. And dance competitions.”

“Everything that has to do with dancing, then.” He nodded. “Don’t worry. After the clown thing, I’ve hated anything that has to do with dancing too.”

“It’s too… complicated.”

“Yes.”

“You need a lot of coordination”

“You do.”

“And people are looking at you.”

“They definitely are.”

Hugh smiled a little bit. “No, they’re not. Don’t be silly. People don’t care.”

After that, Simon could at least be sure that Hugh would never take him to dance classes or make him enter dance competitions. It just… wasn’t their thing.

Maybe, their thing was to stay at Headquarters until very late at night, finishing their paperwork, with the rest of the Council.

Like they had been doing the last couple of hours.

Tamaya had been the first one to go home. Her husband had called her and said that her kid didn’t want to go to sleep if his mom wasn’t there to read him a bedtime story. Hugh said that Evander could finish her share of the paperwork and before he could refuse, she answered: “Well, thank you very much, Blacklight” and left. After that, Evander spent a good entire minutes bitching about how Hugh couldn’t just give him more responsibilities just because, to which Hugh responded “Yes, I can” , and Kasumi had to tell both of them to stop because Adrian was there. According to her, if they started to yell curse words to each other, he was going to start repeating the same words every time he was angry and kids weren’t supposed to swear (even though she was ten when Simon heard her say “Oh, fuck” for the first time).

After Evander and Kasumi finished their respective share of the paperwork (plus Tamaya’s) they decided they were going to spend the night there because it was already too late. Simon and Hugh were distracted for a little while, discussing something related to what they were doing, when suddenly, Kasumi and Evander were already inflating a mattress with a pump they had taken out of nowhere. When they asked them where they got those things, Evander just answered they hadn’t revealed all their secrets yet.

Suddenly, the air pump broke at the same time the crayon Adrian was using to color a couple of butterflies did, and Kasumi and he whispered, at the same time:

“Oh, fuck.”

Simon thought everyone was going to die of laughter right there. Everyone except Kasumi. She was going to die of embarrassment.

After she apologized to Adrian for swearing in front of him, Evander got a couple of blankets for them to put on the mattress so it was a little bit more comfortable for them. They asked Adrian if he wanted to sleep with them, but Adrian said he wasn’t sleepy yet. Still, Kasumi told Evander to leave a small space for Adrian in case he changed his mind.

They fell asleep almost immediately.

And soon after that, the baby monitor Simon carried around practically everywhere let them know that Max had woken up and was crying.

“Hugh—”

“Yes, I’ll go. Wait here.” He got closer to the door, but then he turned around to see Adrian, who was still drawing. “When I’m back, you better be asleep, Sketch.”

Adrian rolled his eyes and growled, but instead of getting angry or something, Hugh laughed and left.

Five minutes went by.

Then, fifteen.

Then, half an hour.

Forty minutes.

An hour.

Simon felt his eyes were burning and his whole body felt like it didn’t belong to him. Luckily all the paperwork was gone now, and Adrian was holding the baby monitor in his small hands.

Max wasn’t crying anymore, but he could hear Hugh’s voice, although he couldn’t understand exactly what he was saying.

“What’s going on?” he asked Adrian.

Adrian looked more tired than before, but not that much. They definitely were messing up his sleeping schedule. “Daddy has been trying to put Max in his crib a couple of times but when he tries to leave he starts crying again.”

Simon nodded and tried not to think about it.

He really tried not to think about it.

“Pops,” Adrian called him. “I’m tired. I wanna go to bed.”

Finally.

“Well—” and an idea popped into his head “—let’s go with your daddy and Max to tell them we’re leaving. So you can say goodnight to them too.”

Adrian agreed to do that and being extra careful as not to disturb Evander and Kasumi, they walked through the practically empty corridors, holding hands and feeling like ghosts in an abandoned building (although he knew it was not abandoned, there were some people still there, just not in that area specifically).

They arrived at Max’s quarantine area and all the lights were out. It took him more than a second to notice Hugh sitting on the floor, in the middle of the room, barefoot and only wearing his undershirt and his blue leggings. He was holding Max close to his chest and had an empty bottle in his left hand.

He looked done. He looked so freaking done, but Max, on the other hand, looked very pleased with himself, sucking on his pacifier and with his brown eyes wide open.

Simon tried to hide his laugh. “What happened you guys?”

“Ask your kid,” Hugh answered. “He started it.”

“Just leave him in the crib,” Adrian said, a little bit impatient.

Hugh stood up, walked towards the crib, and, without taking his eyes away from Adrian, he put Max there. And Max, obviously, began to scream so loud that Adrian covered his ears.

“I can’t,” Hugh said. He hugged his baby once more and his screams turned into really quiet sobs. “He’s being a real Westwood right now.”

Simon pretended not to be offended by that joke (a joke Adrian was too young to understand and too tired to care about.)

He put his hands on his kid’s shoulders. “Adrian wants to go to bed,” he told Hugh. “And honestly, me too.”

“And I would love to join you,” Hugh said, “but, you know… your baby is holding me hostage. The Westwood genes—”

“Captain—”

“Okay, don’t get mad.” He pulled Max closer to him. “He won’t close his eyes. And I’ve already tried almost everything.”

Adrian bumped his head against the glass and Simon imitated him. If Hugh hadn’t been holding Max, he would probably do that too.

When looked up again, he wanted to wish him good luck with the Max thing and that he should ask Evander and Kasumi before getting in their improvised bed (if he didn't want to sleep on the floor and preferred something a little bit more comfortable) (although he suspected Evander was going to get all defensive and Hugh was going to have to sleep in the floor anyways.) But he couldn't because the first thing he noticed was that the room was covered in a dark blue light that came out of a small sphere that was one of Max's night lights.

Hugh didn't notice Simon's confusion.

“Love, don't you think that's going to have an opposite effect?” he asked him, doing his best not to sound too… rude.

“No, not at all,” Hugh answered. “He likes it. I don't know if it's the colors or what but he likes it.”

“Good, but the point it's for him to fall asleep,” he insisted. “Not if he likes it or not.”

But he pretended as if he hadn't listened to him and turned on the other night light.

Immediately, the room was filled with yellow stars that contrasted with the blue veil that filled their vision.

At that moment, Simon realized Max was looking at him. He smiled at him, his baby smiled back, and then hid his face on his dad's chest. Then, Simon turned invisible, and when Max looked at him again, he reappeared, making him giggle.

And he hid his face again.

It was a game they constantly played when he was visiting him. And he hoped they would never stop playing it.

“What are you doing?” Adrian asked Hugh, who was scrolling through his cellphone, almost mindlessly.

“I'm searching for a— for a song… a song Max likes,” he mumbled. Then, he clicked his tongue. “Max likes a very specific song, and I play it when nothing else works. It is so energetic, it makes him very tired. But… I can't find it right now.”

Max turned his face around and Simon appeared once more.

“Why don't you sing it to him?” he wondered.

“Oh, no, he cries every time I try to sing a song for him—” he stopped looking at his phone for a second “—Every single time, Si. I don't know what's with him and my singing. He just goes crazy and it's impossible to calm him down. Won't try again, zero out of ten.”

After a few more scrolling, Hugh ended up finding the song and smiled. He put his phone on a small table, and he and Simon made eye contact for a moment.

“You'll see he'll fall asleep after playing this,” Hugh told him. “Don't worry.”

Then, the song started playing.

Hugh sat Max inside his crib, but this time, he didn't cry. He just looked back at his dad, waiting for something to happen.

Adrian grabbed his hand and tried to pull him away. Then, tried doing the same with Simon's cape. But Simon was way too intrigued by Hugh's strategy. Mainly because he had never heard about it, even though he said it wasn't his first time doing it.

And he tried not to think about that.

So instead of walking away, he pulled Adrian closer to him and silently told him to stay still. Just for a while.

Hugh grabbed Max’s wrist very carefully and started moving them around.

Close your tired eyes, relax, and then,

Count from one to ten and open them.

All these heavy thoughts will try to weigh you down,

but not this time...

Simon wished he had brought a camera with him. Because Max looked as if he were dancing to the song and it was freaking adorable.

Way up in the air you're finally free,

and you can stay up there right next to me.

Hugh let go of Max’s wrists and stepped back a couple of meters. Max, once again, didn’t start crying and continued dancing in his baby way, wiggling his body and staring at his dad with a smile on his face.

All this gravity will try to pull you down,

but not this time...

Maybe it was the fact that Simon wasn’t aware of Max’s weird tendency to sleep when they played upbeat songs. Or maybe that he had never heard that song. He had seen him dancing at public events, with him or with other members of the Council. He had also seen him dancing during their wedding day, and he was dancing with him.

But he hadn’t seen him dancing like that before.

The chorus started and he lip-synced the lyrics while moving his feet. The stars moved around the room and the blue light gave the impression of him being in the middle of the space, among the universe that had made him and every single prodigy out there the way they were. He flapped his arms as if he was trying to imitate the shooting stars the singer was talking about. Colorful sparkles and rainbow comets seemed to appear all around him, surrounding him in a weird but beautiful whirlwind. But he didn’t even bother to look at them like he didn’t care about the things that were going on around him because at that moment, the only thing that existed there was him and the beat.

During the small bridge between the chorus and the next verse, he opened his eyes again, and their gazes crossed once more.

And since Simon knew that face as if it were his own, he could notice he was starting to feel embarrassed.

Adrian pulled his cape once more.

“Come on, Adrian,” he said, grabbing his older son by the wrist, “let’s show your brother and the Captain how we dance.”

Hugh started laughing and Adrian tried to kick him. “Noooo, let me go,” he complained.

“Hey, don’t be like that, it will be fun,” Simon insisted. Adrian stopped yelling and let his dad grab both of his hands, frowning and pouting. “Are you gonna let my husband dance better than us?”

He didn’t want to appeal to any of his two moods, but apparently, he did.

“No,” he answered immediately. “I’m the best dancer in this family.”

“Prove it,” Hugh said from the other side of the glass, casually leaning against Max’s crib. “We’re waiting.”

He remained completely still for a couple of seconds, gazing at him, and Simon started to move Adrian’s hands around like Hugh had done with Max before. His expression dulled little by little, and when he was finally convinced, he let out a very loud “UGH, FINE!” , with the same tone he had used to be homophobic at the restaurant. Simon laughed out loud and Hugh took his imaginary hat off, to let him know that the floor was his.

Gaze into my eyes when the fire starts,

and fan the flames so hot, it melts our hearts.

Oh, the pouring rain, will try to put it out,

but not this time…

First, Adrian moved his arms as if they were dancing a weird version of one of those vintage dances Simon had only seen on TV, similar to what they were doing during the party he constantly thought about. Then, Simon made him spin and they let go of each other, so Adrian could start giving it all, dancing like the guys from the (kind of) cheesy movies he liked to watch, which the professional actors made look cool but when he did it, were hilarious and lovely.

Let your colors burn and brightly burst

into a million sparks that all disperse,

and illuminate a world that'll try to bring you down,

but not this time...

“Pops, you’re not dancing!” Adrian suddenly yelled while pointed at him with an evil grin on his face. “You’re not dancing! Your husband is going to take us down if you don’t dance!”

Hugh had been moving up and down slightly because he knew that was Adrian’s moment to show off, but when he heard Adrian yelled that he got closer to them, dancing with more emphasis and pointing at Simon, like daring him to a duel. Adrian grabbed him by the waist to shake him up a little, and Simon just yelled: “I GOT IT, I GOT IT!”.

Because he got it. He knew he had to dance too.

Even if he wasn’t sure of how to do it.

And it was probably so obvious that Hugh noticed that small detail because as soon as the chorus started once again, he raised his arms, and Simon, without doubting, followed his lead. Then, he spread them, and it reminded him of when they were little and liked to think that they could develop flying abilities if they pretended they were planes. Simon moved a little bit to the left, then a little bit to the right, and realized they matched with the song and he didn’t look dumb at all while doing it.

Especially because Hugh was mirroring each of his movements and he was smiling and laughing, and even began to sing, just a little bit.

“The judges said that singing is not allowed during the competition,” said Adrian with a teasing tone of voice.

Hugh spun two times and Simon spun one.

“The evaluation criteria is completely arbitrary,” Hugh grinned. “I don’t understand it, it doesn’t exist to me.”

Adrian shook his head with fake exasperation and proceeded to shake his head from side to side, while snapping his fingers and singing the lyrics too, pretending he had a better singing voice than his dad did. Which was true.

Simon was about to make a joke about it, when he saw something moving in Max’s crib.

And he realized he had been completely terrified of not being there when that eventually happened.

He was holding onto the crib bars as if his life depended on it. His pacifier had fallen off his mouth, but he didn’t care and was staring at the rest of his family, completely poker-faced because obviously, he was so little he didn’t comprehend how amazing it was what he was doing.

Max was still too young to understand how amazing he was.

“MAX, YOU’RE STANDING!” Simon cheered. “HUGH, THE BABY IS STANDING!”

A thousand heartbeats beat in time…

Hugh turned around violently and Adrian pointed at his little brother immediately after noticing too, squealing and jumping. “He is! He really is!”

And when all the eyes went on Max, instead of hiding like he did every time someone who wasn’t the Council or his parents visited him, his whole face lit up and Simon could hear his baby laugh from the other side of the glass even louder than he could hear the music.

It makes this dark planet come alive...

Adrian continued to cheer his brother, stomping his feet and using the glass that divided them like a drum, and Hugh threw a glance at Simon, before looking at Max again and opening his arms as if Max was able to run to him and hug him.

“Max, you’re standing!” Hugh repeated. “Congratulations, love!”

So when the lights flicker out tonight...

Max's smile widened even more and he began his body up and down, with an intent to join the party. Simon couldn’t help but imitate his movements, and suddenly he got an idea.

You gotta shine...

He grabbed an invisible mic, pointed at the baby that was giggling so hard he had his eyes closed, and began to sing:

“When the sun goes down and the lights burn out, then it’s time for you to shine! Brighter than a shooting star! So shine no matter where you are! ”

Max's movements became quicker and his laugh louder. Adrian took out his imaginary guitar, and continued to stomp his feet while making guitar noises with his mouth because he was sure that he had just become an amazing musician and nothing could stop him.

And he looked so convinced that Simon believed him, because Adrian was as amazing as he believed he was, and he would never let anyone make him believe otherwise.

“Fill the darkest night with a brilliant light, 'cause it's time for you to shine!”

Finally, he saw Hugh grabbing two drumsticks that only existed inside his head, and beginning to play the battery, making all the stars and colorful sparkles jump around him, leaving small traces of their existence all around his face. He threw the drumsticks in the air, spun once more, and finally caught them in the air, before continuing playing his instrument.

Simon knew that Hugh was completely aware of how amazing he was. Prodigies with powers like the ones he had weren’t born every day, and prodigies who also had the exact combination of characteristics that allowed him to go as far as he had been able to go were even fewer.

But sometimes Simon did wonder if he knew he was also amazing when he wasn't being Captain Chromium.

Captain Chromium would never be able to make those rainbow sparkles shine as bright as Hugh Everhart was doing it right now, and Simon thought it was one of the most beautiful views his eyes would ever be able to see.

So when he spun again and tripped with his own feet, leaning against the glass to not hit his head with it, Simon pressed his hand against the glass.

“BRIGHTER THAN A SHOOTING STAR! ” Adrian yelled. “SO SHINE NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE!”

And we wondered again.

Do you know it?

Do you know how amazing you are being right now?

Please tell me you do.

But he never did. The singer, Adrian, and Max mumbled “Tonight” at the same time, although Max did in a way only he could understand and without even noticing what he was saying.

Simon smiled at Hugh, and he smiled back at him, as he always did.

When he walked to Max's crib and carried him in his arms, he noticed the sparkles were completely gone. But he still grabbed Max's little wrist and waved goodbye at them, while his baby's eyelids started getting heavy. Then, before he could do the same thing with Adrian, he threw a kiss at them, before hugging Simon's arm and asking him if they could go to sleep now, again.

Simon looked at Hugh one more time. Hugh tilted his head, smiled a little bit more, and said:

“Good night, Si.”

And Si laughed under his breath.

“Good night to you too. Shooting Star.”

He never called him like that again.

But it was alright because Hugh never danced like that again. And no one could see the same shooting star twice.

Still, Simon wanted to believe that someday he would.

Maybe someday.

#renegades ship week #renegades ship week 1 #renegades #archenemies #supernova #renegades trilogy #hugh everhart #simon westwood #adrian everhart-westwood #max everhart-westwood #the warden and the captain are sitting in a tree #obsi's writs #i knew i said that im gonna strat posting only on ao3 but this is for an event #gifts and event fics are gonna go here too JAJAJAJA

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everything-laito · 3 years ago

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hey,,, i've seen this controversial opinion about laito not being sexually assaulted by cordelia. . .as the only opinion of laito that matters, what are your thoughts on it? i know you've made some posts in the past about cordelia and laito's relationship, but i think that now would be a good time to i guess, remake a post or clarify your thoughts so people could follow along?? i hope you enjoy your day.

*proceeds to crack all my knuckles at once*

This isn't really my own "response" cuz oh boy I'm sick of this petty ass drama lmao. To begin, SKLDJF I'm very flattered that you hold my opinion in that high of regard! I'd say there's others that have interesting interpretations of him too though :) but again, thank you :') glad you enjoy what I have to say!

I know I've already kinda responded to this via a screenshot here, just to hold you––and others reading this––over. As much as this is a great time to talk about a how-to-analysis, I’ll still put that as a separate post eventually, but I still will go over the philosophy of truth and writings etc. But anyways, to answer your initial questions, they’re under the cut!

And no, I’m not specifically calling anyone out here. These are just issues with the fandom that I find as a whole, along with some extremists. Thus, I’m not going to be putting tags for people to easily find this post because I don’t want to be wound up in this drama––once again this is just more commentary on the fandom as a whole, which hopefully you can apply to people you find!

I have a lot of my own thoughts about Cordelia and Laito’s relationship here (just in case if people need it):

1. Goes over potential grooming of Laito, facts about Cordelia and what happened before she did stuff to Laito, and when did she rape Laito for the first time?

2. Stuff about incest and how any relationship out of a parental/child relationship is abuse even if it’s not penetrative sex, more incest stuff, and just more thoughts on their relationship

3. Neuroplasticity, trauma, Karlheinz, and isolation

4. What does sexual trauma look like? And some stuff on Laito’s facade

5. More stuff on his facade, and projection on Yui

6. My thoughts on Laito’s dark fate vampire ending + Conclusion

7. Answering some inbox stuff relating to Cordelia

Sure I realize I might be missing some stuff but that’s just my whole analysis on them. I’ll probably make some follow up posts eventually but I’m not sure when that will be.

But as for this analysis/ramble, I’ll divide it up into sections:

The issue of hypocrisy in the Dialovers fandom:

I- oh dear god. Ok, just saying, there’s a lot of people being like “oh I hate Cordelia because she was abusive” then ??? yo??? Why do you like the boys?? They’re abusive and we see more of them than Cordelia??? I just personally hate hypocrisy. However, it’s okay to hate Cordelia! It’s okay to love Cordelia! It’s okay to hate the boys and it’s okay to love the boys too. But recognizing that you don’t like one or the other just because “they’re abusive” is a fallacy at that point.

The reason why so many people hate Karlheinz/Cordelia/Beatrix/Christa/Richter (or at least start off hating them) is because they are written as the villains of the story! Karl’s the main villain, and the rest (including the diaboys and Yui) are kinda just tragically wound up in his plans. You sympathize more with the boys because you spend more time with them and watch them grow! It’s a whole “us vs them” situation. Since those people were awful to the boys/the boys hate them, you’re like “yeah they’re bad!” But the issue with the whole “us vs them” situation (as in real life) is that people tend to excuse the actions done by the “us” party.

Same thing goes with extreme Karl/Cordelia/Richter fans (I’ve never seen a hardcore Beatrix/Christa fan but they’re probably out there). Some hate the diaboys but love the people in that party. They’ve also done some shitty stuff too! Bro, even Yui has done some terrible stuff! But that’s because she was a product of the events she was thrown into––and same with everyone else.

Karl has been the mastermind of all this, and for me I don’t have any sympathy for him, mainly because we’re not shown anything to sympathize with (except that he just is tired of living but idk why he wants to create a whole new race like lmao science nerd ig, I feel that king). A lot of people like him for his looks, and I’m not saying that’s a bad thing––he’s a fictional character, objectify these characters however you want. This is more of a personal opinion of mine though. And maybe people do just sympathize with his outlook on life, that’s totally fine.

But since these characters are all attractive in their own regard, they all get the treatment of “pretty-boy” syndrome (Idek if that’s the exact name for it). Which is just the privilege pretty people get. But again, this is fictional, so it’s not necessarily important in this case. Bro I got into DL cuz of “ooga booga hot vampires” and stayed for the complex lore and characters (especially one complex character, wonder who that could be). I imagine most people got into DL because of that, or out of sheer curiosity.

Ok, I’m throwing out a lot of points but not really connecting them. Lemme give you an example: I don’t like Reiji. His character doesn’t vibe with me most of the time aside from the fact that he’s hilarious. But I just am very neutral/neutral-negative on his character. But I’m not like “oh cuz he’s mean/abusive” cuz LOL EVERYONES MEAN IN THIS GAME. Sure you can still say that, it’s just not a very strong claim. Hypocritical claims tend to be like that. Same with a lot of Yui haters. In this case, they’re more jealous that she’s there and not them, which I’ve explained a lot in this post about toxic femininity and Yui in the fandom etc. But it’s ok to just not like a character! It’s alright! I know someone who just doesn’t vibe with Subaru. She doesn’t know why, she just doesn’t vibe with him. There’s no need to defend it either. But the use of hypocrisy is my main issue, and I’ll get to that in the next section.

(There’s a really good post explaining this too but I cannot find it for the life of me. I think it was made by @/abottleofkarlheinz or @/the-madame21)

How opinions of fictional universes left unchecked can effect real life:

I’ve said this a little bit in that Dialover PSA post I’ve made about Yui that I linked a couple paragraphs ago. But the reasons why people say they hate Yui is concerning. If you don’t like Yui, that’s totally fine! Again you don’t need reasons to hate on a character or defend it. But if you do choose to defend those characters, make sure what you’re saying isn’t out of some other place in your heart. Let me explain.

In that “Yui PSA” post I made, I say how your attitudes in being critical of a fictional universe usually does reflect on who you are as a person, at least when you’re making certain claims. In that Yui post, I say that the hatred on Yui is a result of the “other girl” mentality. On top of that, it erases her experience as a survivor. Yes, this is a fictional character, but bringing that into real life can have some dire consequences if you don’t differentiate them. If you have the same attitude of Yui with other survivors if the “abuser is hot” then thaaaaaat’s so fucked up.

For example, there’s people who have crushes on real life serial killers! That- that’s absolutely disgusting! Those real people killed living people and effected so many lives and families. Dude I have fictional crushes on fictional serial killers, and that’s different, because it is a removed universe. It’s why I can still call myself a lesbian but still have crushes on fictional male characters, for a further example (and vice versa! I have straight friends who crush on fictional characters of their same gender! But that doesn’t make them any less straight. And no, I’m not erasing bi people here either, just clarifying in case if you needed that).

Not being able to differentiate your opinions of a fictional universe can get very toxic. Like I love Laito, but I’m not like “omg I wish he was real so he could do that stuff to me uwu” like no!!! UH!!! I wouldn’t want to date anyone like him in real life! That’s literal abuse! And if Laito was here in real life it’s not a controlled environment, he’d literally be able to do anything with you, etc. That’s what makes a fantasy, a fantasy. They’re controlled.

Also vice versa, some people get really triggered by Dialovers, specifically Laito’s route. A lot of non-consensual acts that he does have been experienced by people in real life in any extent, myself included. For me, it’s a personal escape from that, because it is an environment where I am prepared for those events and can control my exposure to it. For some, they are reminded of the reality they had to experience. Fictional universes are inspired by real life, no matter what way you look at it. Real life people are making it, after all.

I feel like I’m going in so many circles, but trust me, I’m getting to the point.

I- I can’t explain this enough but it is most definitely implied that Cordelia had raped and sexually abused Laito. If it was explicit, DL would be an 18+ game, but they cannot do that in Japan. I’m not going to like defend this point because so many people (myself included) have defended this point. It’s implications carry over into Laito’s character and why he’s like this. He’s a textbook sexual abuse survivor. I just,,,, cannot explain this enough. Same thing with overwriting the abuse of Yui. They get jealous of Yui. Sure I’d say a good chunk of people have ravishment fantasies here. At least the 18+ people in the fandom who are into that stuff. But oh my dear god, ravishment fantasies are super super dangerous to enact in real life. It’s possible to do them, but it would take years of building up to that point in kink. That’s a whole other discussion though and I’m not incredibly comfortable talking about it knowing that minors read my blog (I’ll also have to say here: no minors in kink--its alright to educate yourself but pleaaaaaaaaaase don’t enact on any of those activities until you are of age, and even so that still can be dangerous right as you turn 18).

But anyways, saying that Yui should enjoy this because she’s experienced the ravishment fantasy you’ve dreamed of? Oh fucking hell, if you leave that opinion and mentality unchecked and it goes into real life, that’s incredibly awful. Abuse apologists are absolutely terrible people, almost as much as the abusers themselves.

If you twist the narrative that Laito loves Cordelia or Yui loves the boys at the end of the first game, that’s still––ughhhhhhhh. Especially when it’s so obvious that Laito has so many mental issues with Cordelia. His whole monologue and breakdown at the end of Dark Fate definitely tells us that he has had such an issue with Cordelia. And MB+ Laito is still Laito. As for Yui, dude she literally goes through stockholm syndrome in the first game like it is so goddamn apparent idek how to explain this at this point.

Ok dear god lmao wow, uh I think that’s answering the first couple of questions?

The philosophy of truth:

“Truth” has been an incredibly debated topic in philosophy for years. Truth is more of a subjective item rather than objective. Sure you can have personal objective truths, but they may not be the same truths for others. For example, a tomato is red. However, that tomato is red to me, because I am not color blind. A red-green color blind person may see the tomato as being brown or more muted in color. That’s their truth. They can’t really imagine what red is (ok depending on severity of their color blindness), considering they have not experienced the color red in the same way people who don’t have color blindness do. God uh, here’s a whole ass essay about truth, I’m cherry picking some of the things in there that are relevant to this.

Basically what I’m saying is, truth is very subjective. However, there are philosophers arguing a more objective truth. But that’s a whole other discussion. Also, this isn’t to support any political opinion, but I can use that as an example. Let’s go for well... The death penalty. I’m in America, we have the death penalty in some states. Yes, this is a very controversial topic, and no I’m not arguing the ethics of it here. Just hear me out.

If you live in Europe for example (except in Belarus and Russia––ok when I looked it up they consider Russia in Europe and technically it is but also there’s the whole chunk that is not- lmao even the truth of geography can be subjective), you might be like “yeah what the fuck are Americans doing?” (a common sentiment that I also share lmao). But yeah, what the fuck are we doing? Why is the death penalty still in existence? Yes, there’s statistics that prove that it doesn’t deter crime, but even crime rates is caused by a lot of different things too. Even statistics aren’t always accurate, because of many different factors. They’re not objective either, although good statisticians try their best to get good results and not skew the data. (please try to see where your data is coming from and who it is sponsored by––it matters a TON)

I’d say the closest thing we have as an objective truth to argue the death penalty or not is money. Money, although the concept is subjective, is a very objective currency. It’s why artists hate “exposure” compared to “money” as sole currency. The death penalty is very expensive, and not even used that often.

So, although money is currency made by us, and is technically 75% linen and 25% cotton (in America at least) with some funky dudes n numbers printed on it, it doesn’t sound that special. However, it would be considered as a baseline of some type of “objective truth” in ~society~ because people are typically on the same page of what money’s worth. Even so, this baseline of truth is still subjective! If Bill Gates accidentally has a $20 bill fall out of his pocket, that’s nothing to him! But if someone who’s working very hard to make ends meet loses that same amount of money, it could deal a lot of financial damage to that person.

Ok, hopefully you guys kind of get my drift. There are a lot of theories of truth, I’m just explaining one (honestly I forget the name of this theory) because it is the closest to the types of truth we are dealing with. And in this case, it’s called “canon.”

What the fuck is analysis:

The concept of “canon” is the objective truth that we have when analyzing universes. They’re our bread and butter of interpretation and extrapolation. The art of analysis clings to this notion of an objective truth. It needs a baseline. I’m going off of Aristotle’s rhetorical triangle, because that type of analysis I have the most experience with.

This is called rhetorical analysis. Rhetoric is the use of words in a persuasive fashion, and the analysis part is a breakdown of how words are used in order to achieve persuasiveness. I don’t typically use a lot of explicit rhetorical analysis in my personal writings, but I guess a version of it. Which typically has to deal with intention and execution. A lot of analysis on language has to do with this. Language is incredibly subjective. Certain words carry individual meanings to people. I have gone over the difference between real and lexical definitions before, and I’ll do it again.

I’ll just copy and paste what I’ve said before here from this analysis:

To put it simply, lexical definitions are the definitions you find in the dictionary. This is an “official” and “agreed upon” definition. Real definitions (quite a misleading name in my opinion) is the definition that’s more kind of “felt” in a way and how you internally interpret the word in context (these can be through individuals or any niche group). What I mean by this is that when you say a word (for example) to convey a feeling, you usually won’t know the dictionary definition off the top of your head. You say that something’s “savage” for example when you want to describe something violent or gruesomely awesome (it depends if it’s in a slang context or not) but there’s many lexical definitions (and outdated lexical definitions) of the term. But the first definition that usually comes up is “adj (of an animal or force of nature) fierce, violent, and uncontrolled.”

But people typically don’t think of the lexical definition when they learn what a word means; they usually learn the context of it and apply it as such. And that’s what a “real” definition is. Laito has a differing definition of what affection and love is, and that’s his own meaning and what it means to him.

I’ll even add another example to that too. The word “cunt” in english refers to a vagina. That’s just it. It’s lexically synonymous with “vagina,” “pussy,” etc. However, “cunt” has a subjective meaning to it. This is where “real” definitions also come into play. Many people view the word as vulgar and dirty. And that’s cuz we live in a ~society~ lmao. Our use of language has shaped what this word means in a context outside of the dictionary. I’ll do you one more. The Japanese word マンコ (manko) is also vulgar slang that’s kind of like our word “cunt/pussy.” Sometimes I say “cunt” for jokes, but I don’t use it that often to begin with since it’s just a very strong word to most (albeit it’s not that strong of a word for me). However, マンコ is a strong word to many Japanese people, but if I hear it even though I’ve been learning Japanese, it doesn’t have that same effect as hearing “cunt” for me is (which still, idc if I really hear it depending on context) because I haven’t been shaped in a culture that uses Japanese.

Even so, tone, intention, and context is HUGE in this. If someone called me a “useless fucking cunt” when they’re angry at me, I’d be close to crying. If someone told that to me as a joke, I’d be like “lol yeah you right, bitchass” and if someone said that in a consensual sexual context, it would certainly tickle my masochistic heart.

DSLKFJ also sorry if you don’t like hearing that word, I just had to utilize a strong example for this. But anyways, now let’s change the lens to Dialovers.

No, it never explicitly says that Cordelia rapes Laito. It doesn’t. However, there’s this WACKY thing called being able to infer, reading between the lines, and identifying implications. Those are kind of all the same things. However, indirect exposition is used a lot in effective creative writing. The utilization of this type of exposition is more preferred when writing a story, because direct exposition is kind of referred to as “info-dumping” when used excessively. Forgive my jargon: this is just showing vs telling as we’re taught in every writing class. I’m personally very bad at it, which is why I stick to writing these, and stick to reading creative fiction. (NOT SAYING IF YOU’RE NOT GOOD AT THIS TO NOT CONTINUE TO PRACTICE CREATIVE FICTION, I JUST DONT HAVE THE CURRENT MOTIVATION TO GET GOOD AT IT)

Dialovers uses a LOOOOOT of showing. And even so, its “showing” ability is very minimal considering the Japanese language can be vague on its own, it’s medium (visual novel) does not show a lot of things explicitly most of the time (and even when it is shown it doesn’t convey a lot). There’s several CGs of Laito and Yui where it doesn’t show the amount of pain or the dire situation Yui’s in, compared to what she’s saying she’s going through.

When I made my whole breakdown on Laito’s HDB route from Yui’s perspective, I got several comments about how they didn’t realize how bad his route really was. That’s either because people might not have experience with verbal abuse themselves, can’t exactly see Yui’s body language except her head (and even so, her expressions are limited), or don’t know a lot of gaslighting/verbal abuse techniques/have done research into it. Honestly verbal abuse is kind of hard to realize, so I’m not calling anyone dumb here. Despite me knowing a lot of the signs, I didn’t know I went through it––and even so I’ve denied it. And that’s what is so effective about this game though! Especially Laito’s route! Because you’re also sucked in with limited knowledge because you’re seeing this through Yui’s perspective, and on top of that it’s isolating. You can only make so many choices, and I feel like Dialovers is perfect as a visual novel. You get caught up with a lot of shock value things that Laito says, which serves as a perfect distraction for your first time through. But anyways, I’m getting off track.

For example, many people found his Maniac 07 chapter to be very confusing. I broke that one down here as well, and even so I was confused at first (also I was like 14/15, dear god). It tells you SO little, but you know that Laito’s incredibly upset at Richter for some reason, and even so, Yui comments on it a little too. Laito is shown to still hate Richter in DF, but he talks about it a tad more.

Here’s a further example from my writings in that first part of the Cordelia/Laito analysis series but I have bolded the terms I use to convey this rhetoric:

There hasn’t been any flashbacks that specifically show us the first time that happened. However, I believe that there was a flashback in HDB that shows one of the first times. Here’s a scene from Laito’s Dark Epilogue:

Cordelia: ー Laito…Laito… Laito: …Hm? Is something the matter? Cordelia: I have a favor to ask. It just isn’t enough. You can do it, right Laito? Laito: You really are something…So that’s why you came to me again? Cordelia: Fufufu…That’s right, Laito. Come on, quickly… Laito: …Guess it can’t be helped. I’ll love you plenty. Cordelia: Aah…My cute Laito~ I love you. I really do. Laito: I can do it…right? Cordelia: Of course, Laito. Now, quickly…

First of all, ew. Second of all, Laito’s diction implies that this was maybe the second or third time this occurred. He asks a question, and ends it with “again.” We know by this that it is not the first time, but the question also means that Laito might not have expected to occur again. His tone also implies some surprise to it, at least in my ears. His other question, “I can do it, right?” screams hesitance to me. If this scene took place down the line, or after many times he did this with Cordelia, I don’t believe he’d be some level of surprised or hesitance.

That’s what rhetorical analysis is. You take the contextual meaning of the words, the tone they use, and extrapolate what they imply. On top of this, we know that the term “love” here is sexual, implying that they did something sexual. We are not given the details of this, but considering we know that Laito uses “love” before he rapes Yui in the game, we can infer that’s what happened (or something similar) to himself with Cordelia, considering he projects on Yui quite a bit.

I was going to go over what is good/bad analysis, but I think I’ve implied it anyways here. Utilizing separate information from different sources of canon in order to make sense of something is good analysis. That’s our objective truth: canon. I’m not saying I’m the best at analysis, but I am fairly confident in it. It’s how I’m able to attempt to answer some of your “how would Laito react” questions without it being specifically hinted in the game. You cannot cherry pick specific sentences and go off of that alone for analysis. It’s context. It’s reading tone. It’s knowing the characters attitudes towards things, how they speak, etc. There’s a lot going into analysis in general. I know I didn’t elaborate on Aristotle’s rhetorical triangle right now, but that’s for another date I suppose.

Oh dear god I hope I didn’t lose you guys, I know this is a lot of information, but if you have any questions/comments/clarifications, as always, please let me know!

Hope you enjoyed! -Corn

#analysis #ask corn

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