#im hungry for feedback so pls tell me what you think uwu

[ackerfics]

congrats on 600!! and, Clove with eren🤧

wrestle me free from the war — eren jaeger

— eren jaeger x female reader (canonverse)

— prompt: clove; i have loved you and you have not known it.

— warnings: angst (you asked for it and i shall deliver), typical canon violence, mentions of blood, kids being little shits, spoilers to those who haven't watched season 4

— summary: love came in the form of you—eren was just unaware of how deeply you become rooted in his heart because of your first encounter with him, a sacred meeting set by many timelines and lifetimes.

— word count: 11.6k (i don't regret it bc words just fly through the keyboard jndjww)

— notes: awww, thank you for requesting and for those words, anon uwu just to let you guys know, i cried while writing this. that's enough for you to know how this pained me hhhhhh btw, i took inspiration from fluerie's hurts like hell and miia's dynasty while writing, i keep repeating those songs bc they hurt so much and i love the atmosphere it created in my room. ooh, and there will be references of the song of achilles here owo happy reading, everyone !! (to those who wanted soft eren, have this treat <3)

reblogs and feedback are greatly appreciated !! <3

this is part of my 600 milestone event !!

Love came in the form of a five-year-old holding a plate of decadent biscuits in front of the Jaegers’ open doorway.

“Good morning!” Almost like a sprite from one of those expensive fairy tales from the bookstore up ahead, the brightest chime illuminated the wood interior of the Jaeger household. It was a mystery, all in itself, to have someone this cheery early in the morning. “Hello, Mrs. Jaeger. Is Doctor Jaeger around?” His father? What would this pixie want with his father? Eren tried making a sneak peek at the person in front of their door but his mother blocked the view, only for the boy of five to huff a troubled frown. “Oh.” The tone of the person’s (more like a kid his age) voice quietened in disappointment. “Well, this gift extends to you, too, Mrs. Jaeger. This is a ‘thank you’ gift to Doctor Jaeger for curing Mother of her sickness. I hope you enjoy them!”

“Aw, how sweet.” This caught Eren’s attention. His mother never cooed at anyone, except for him obviously. So, he craned his entire body to get a glimpse of the figure at their door. The reason why he never stood up from his seat at the dining table to greet the sprite was that he didn’t want them to have the impression that he was excited to meet someone new. Eren was a boy of very few friends (read: none at all) and he was contented with the people he acknowledged as his inner circle (mainly his family). His stream of thoughts was interrupted when his mother chuckled. “I’m sure we’ll enjoy this, little [Name].” Ah, a name. It sounds pretty to Eren’s ears. That fact prompted him to lean even further on the dining table—just to give him the satisfaction that he saw a sprite from the woods in the outskirts of Wall Maria. “Ooh, they look so adorable, too! Did you make this yourself, darling?”

“Yes, I did, Mrs. Jaeger. I made some animal-shaped ones because Mother told me you have a kid my age. I want the biscuits to be as cute as possible for them as well!”

“Just your luck because he’s here right now. Eren! Someone’s here to meet you.”

Spring blew in every direction the moment his mother shifted her body to show the fairy in the doorway. Just like the mythological creature plaguing Eren’s mind, the daintiest little girl stood on the other side of the door. An air of serenity came from her, even if she’s beaming a radiant grin when his teal irises met hers. (Eren had to narrow his eyes at the brightness of her countenance.) Eren never saw her while he was playing around the neighborhood but he always heard the story of the pretty girl in their part of town—of the sheltered daughter of Shiganshina’s artiste that was a subject of most of her paintings. The dripping sand that ticked away the seconds came to an abrupt stop, the stagnant flow of time surrounding the little boy of brown hair as he became curious at the girl who reminded him of something. Silver light spilled from the girl’s countenance, shrouding Eren in a cool pool of a midnight blue lake filled with endless specks of stars. He came to know that he sometimes saw glimpses of her from an opened window a few houses down the street, a phantom of a given light that flickered like a tiny wisp. It was only this time that he saw her in her full glory.

“Hello, Eren! My name is [Name], it’s so nice to meet you!” Even your waves looked like someone a mystical creature could do.

Eren pursed his lips, looking away from you with a faint tint of blush covering the apples of his cheeks. “Nice to meet you, too.”

“Let’s play tomorrow, okay?”

The boy glanced at his mother, who was sporting an endeared expression. Guess there was no other choice. “Of course, what do you want to play?” By now, he was slowly standing up to make his way to the opened doorway, eyes still trained on the wood paneling of their house’s floor. Eren stood in front of the girl named [Name] yet he never met her gaze again for fear of getting sucked in an illusion of a moonlit spring night, with the breeze carrying the scent of blossoms. “I have a few toys in my room that we can play with.”

“That sounds perfect, Eren! I’ll bring my dolls over, too. They were tailored by Mother so I’m excited to show them to you. Their dresses are all so beautiful and I hope you like them!”

Eren never played with anything close to dolls but he was willing to try. “I’m looking forward to it.”

Your smile was the only reply.

Love came in the form of you—Eren was just unaware of how deeply you become rooted in his heart because of that encounter, a sacred meeting set by many timelines and lifetimes.

“You’re so reckless, you know that, right?”

Eren doesn’t know how such a pretty yet fragile being could exist in his life.

Your fingers fretted over his bruised face, touch akin to the snowflakes dripping from the timberwolf gray sky during winter. A lock of your hair fell from the makeshift wildflower hairclip that Mikasa gave you a month before, prompting you to blow it away from your face before Eren can reach out to tuck it behind your ear. Your beautiful eyes were narrowed in a little glare that didn’t scare him in the slightest as you dabbed his skin with a damp cloth. For some reason, your anger never toppled Eren from his pedestal, even finding it endearing sometimes. However, what he did earlier was something he was slightly ashamed of. There’s no reason for him to create a commotion in the marketplace. But when the subject of some kids’ conversation involved you—Eren’s mind instantly went blank. Especially if the remarks included how you look like an untouched maiden despite you being ten years old. Eren didn’t hesitate running headfirst into the teenagers speaking ill of you—Mikasa in tow and Armin screaming that it’s not worth it, guys, [Name] won’t like this!

The moment the fight was discovered by the Garrison soldiers stationed in Shiganshina’s walls, all of them dispersed in various directions. He doesn’t even remember why he found himself in front of your house, his two friends nowhere in sight. Maybe he ran as if he’s seeking his lifeline—which is the person who opened the door, hands gripping the doorknob and eyes widening at his battered state. You instantly ushered him inside, pressing your hands on his shoulders to let him settle in the living room. As you rummaged for a clean towel to clean his wounds, Eren was mulling over as to why he chose you to be the one tending his injuries. His mother was always the one who did it. So, why did he automatically think of you while running from the Garrison? His questions became unanswered—the only clues he had were the fast pace of his heart and the slight heat in his cheeks when you finally entered the same room as him, scowl fixed on your face.

Now, he could only stay silent as he gazed at your adorable visage with an unyielding stare.

Eren scoffed, arms crossed on his chest and eyes scouring the pictures displayed on the walls opposite him. “I’m not being reckless.”

There’s a picture of you with your mother, a smile reaching your eyes in crinkles. Then, a portrait of you stood beside it, displayed on a wooden easel. The colors were a vivid blend of oranges, pinks, and reds, with your giggling face as the subject. It was one of the most beautiful paintings Eren saw in his life, mostly because you were depicted as a little sprite from the woodlands—flowers decorating your hair and life sprouting from your fingertips at each twinkling laugh. You never smiled like that these days. His iridescent green irises searched for you, comparing the frown on your face at the moment to the beauteous grin you donned in the picture and the painting. Right when he opens his mouth to remark how you should smile more often, you stood up from your seat with your hands patting your lap.

“Not reckless?” you asked him, mimicking his position. This time, you got the upper hand for standing tall on your feet. “Eren,” you said his name with an exasperated sigh, “fights aren’t the only solution to an argument. I don’t know the full story but it seems like you got yourself into something pointless this time. Was Armin getting picked on again?” At the purse of his lips, you knew the answer. “See? What’s the reason?” Thinking that probably you’re going off too strong and haughty, you released the tension on your shoulders and softened your glare. “I’m sorry for being angry but you can always tell me, ‘Ren.”

The nickname made his heart jump. He looked away from you with faintly reddened cheeks yet his face was scrunched in distaste. “They were talking about you.”

This wasn’t what you expected. You blinked before tilting your head in confusion. “Me?” Eren remained silent so you take the chance to continue your inquiries. “Why would you go into a fight for something that simple? I can take what they say—I don’t put them to heart, Eren.”

Eren clenched his fists. “Because,” he gritted out, “they were speaking something insulting about you!” There were flecks of gold inside lining his iris, blazing with the fervent determination to keep others from sullying your name. You’re supposed to be one of the kindest people he knew and teenagers have no right to talk about you like you’re a prospective bride ready to bear children. It disgusted him—the teenage boys’ words. And as Eren looked at you with those eyes that seem to glow like the morning star, he hoped you understand where he’s coming from. “I don’t want them to speak things like that about you! You shouldn’t be labeled things that can hinder you from doing more. Why are you just letting them run you over like that?”

“I get your point, Eren,” you murmured. “But why did you use violence? Mikasa could’ve easily told them off.”

“Because,” the boy of emeralds trailed off, never knowing the answer.

Maybe it had something to do with how you smiled as Armin relayed what he read, with you exclaiming that you want to venture with the blond to see the sights beyond the walls. Or it could be because it has become your goal—to walk along the tranquil sea-green waters that span a thousandfold with only the horizon further ahead. For Eren, you are more than just a potential bride for the young men loitering around Shiganshina. You carry an entire map of stars inside your heart, your brilliant irises showing each constellation so vividly to him that he can’t help but prove to everyone that you shouldn’t be shackled in the future. You carved something in the purest of diamonds—a dream that’s etched upon the seasons, bursting through the seams like an unstoppable force. And he admires you because of that. You created this tune inside of him that awakened a foreign feeling that he never felt with anyone. Eren has no idea why you make him feel this way, why he wants to—

“… Protect you.”

Your breath hitched at the intensity of Eren’s stare. The entire world silenced as you saw your reflection in his eyes, coloring you in the most beautiful shade of green. “What?” You didn’t quite catch what he said except for those two words that might have impacted you more than you realized. You were still a kid that time—having not known the feeling of someone caring for you other than your mother.

“I want to protect you, that’s why,” Eren announced. “I’m using my strength for that.”

“I can stand up for myself, you know.”

“I still won’t stop.” He paused. “… Mainly because Mikasa will protect you if I do it half-assed. I only want myself to that to you—not anyone else.”

There was no use fighting Eren. Once his mind is set on something, there was no doubt that he’ll push through what he thinks is right. In your eyes, there was a cape encasing him, with the weight of the world on his shoulders. There was no situation calling for him to become a hero but with how brazen he is, he was bound for something greater than anybody inside the Walls. You let him be, letting him have the chance to hover around you, which you instantly regretted because he was everywhere. It was comical at first but now, it was starting to irk you.

Every time you were only buying vegetables in the marketplace, a chill ran down your spine. You were certain someone was peeking through the entrance of the alleyway, three pairs of different colored eyes training on you. That didn’t stop there. It seemed as though whenever you were struggling with anything while going home, Eren materialized in front of you. His eyes weren’t on you but the surroundings; as if the windows of the houses in your neighborhood morphed into the boys constantly shouting confessions at you. You wanted it to stop and you had no idea how to carefully tell Eren it was giving you nightmares (mainly his blank green eyes that swam inside your soul, peeking through the alleyway).

However, you didn’t expect the absence to last two years.

There were so many things Eren hated in their caged world.

Lousy soldiers who have no will to fight, choosing to wallow in endless mugs of beer rather than to stay vigilant in guarding the walls. Bullies who were always picking on the weakest people just to prove to others that they’re one step ahead of everyone. Remarks that undermine his determination in fulfilling his dream of stepping out in the world—bringing humanity closer to freedom. People who are content with staying inside the glass-like protection of the walls. After the catastrophic fall of Wall Maria, Eren’s most recent object of rage was once believed to never enter the walls perfectly crafted by the gods. Who knew that the century-old holy grail separating humanity from their demise could break like that under the camaraderie of two Titans that no one had a clue of?

Just like that, life inside the walls was reduced because of those humanoid creatures which deserved to rot in the deepest circles of Hell. As the next two years trickled down the hourglass, Eren carried the carnage brought by the terror that is Shiganshina’s pandemonium and let it fester inside his chest—spreading throughout the crevices of his body until there was nothing but an inferno controlling his actions. It was the least he could do after arguing with his mother on that fateful day, after leaving her behind to be eaten by that ghastly smiling beast. It was the closest form of punishment he bestowed on himself for being a reckless idiot who wore heartfelt emotions pretty close to his sleeves. Letting himself be drizzled by the remains of his mother was one of his many regrets. The next one he had on his list took the form of a gentle demeanor under the guise of a half-hearted glare—of a thousand fluttering butterflies in a meadow of wildflowers, all fueled by the presence of the one person Eren blatantly vowed to protect. A piercing blade stabbed his heart at his mistake of doing the exact opposite.

You were gone when Shiganshina fell. Gone in a sense that Eren couldn’t find you anymore. The last time he saw you was when you offered him and Mikasa snacks to accompany them in their task of gathering firewood. You said your mother called for you to help her with her newest masterpiece, a request from one of the nobles in the Inner Walls. There was a foreboding thought in Eren’s mind to tell you to be careful but what was there to be careful about when all you had to do was walk back to your house? After the rain of blood and the onslaught of screams around his home, Eren had no time to search for you. Still, in shock of seeing his mother eaten alive by a Titan, he, alongside Mikasa and Armin, continued to live for a year as tillers of farmland to compensate for the lack of resources in Wall Rose now that the survivors were pushed back to their territory.

Then, the first dream of you came.

At least from the looks of it, he assumed it was you.

There was a girl who shared the same features as you, only older in this new nightmare of his. Her beauty was that of the silver rays of moonlight, which was why he figured it was you because the whole time Eren had been with you for five years—you were a dormant daughter of the moon for him. It was always the same thing—his dream that recurred for an entire year.

It started with this girl hugging him, his collarbones catching the star-like tears hitting his skin. He felt how warm she felt—how he wanted to bury himself into her until there was only his name etched on the chambers of her chest. The scent of wildflowers clung onto her, ensnaring him in a trance as he nuzzled his face onto her hair. Oh, her hair was longer from what he remembered but they still felt like yours—soft as the petals of the wildflower hairclip Mikasa gave you. Then, they were a series of painting-like scenarios flashing by his head—the girl laughing in front of a bonfire, the girl being lifted by him to plant a gentle hand on his blazing skin, the girl pleading for him to stay with her and his found family. All of them made his heart clench painfully, which wasn’t what he expected because all of these featured him as well. The reels shifted into an image of a burning city, the girl a young woman now. She was staring into him with disappointment swirling in her eyes, her irises reflecting the tangerine of the flames down below. Eren felt bile rise inside his throat, shame causing the butterflies to shrivel their wings until they become caterpillars again. All he remembered was the sensation of her intense glare as she mouthed words that shook his entire being, slapping the hand that was enclosed around her wrist.

What happened next in the dream always woke him up in cold sweat.

It was the young woman lying on a lake of her own blood. The most perfect shade of red adorned her body, her once vibrant eyes staring glassily on the ceiling.

Eren refused to believe that was you. So, every chance he got, he asked around the Garrison soldiers keeping watch over them for your name, in hopes that maybe you boarded the last ship without them knowing. Mikasa accompanied him while Armin waited for their return in their little home inside the barn. The two of them described you in detail but none of the Garrison knew about you or saw you amongst the survivors. There was nothing they could do but accept that maybe you passed away alongside most of the population of Wall Maria. There was no word exchanged as the three of them mulled over that speculation, the hoots of the night fauna filling in the gaps of the silence dedicated to the possibility of you as a rotting corpse somewhere around Maria’s territory.

“Do you think this is any place for a princess like you?!” Shadis basically spat the word. “What’s your name, you piece of shit?”

“[Name] [Last Name], Sir!”

The syllables jolted him into the rapids of reality.

There you were. So fucking beautiful with your tiny fist placed on top of your chest, eyes blazing with pretend determination that convinced the Commandant. A vibrant teal lake attempted to capture you, hoping that you’d drown in its waters after compelling you to glance at him with songs crafted by sirens. Just a few feet away from him, both Mikasa and Armin stared with slacked jaws at you. You were taller, having grown a few inches since you were ten years old. But, a single thought resonated through the trio’s head—the traces of beauty and serenity you carried from back in the days pulsated, even more, catching the attention of some of the members of the Training Corps. You were a flower in this field and all Eren could do was admire you from afar.

“Mikasa? Armin?” A tentative voice called out to the aforementioned people.

A tender whisper of your name came out of the black-haired girl’s lips, eyes watery as her eyes trailed over your figure that afternoon after an entire morning of basking under the heat of the sun. Mikasa placed a hand on her mouth to prevent her silent sobs before running over to you and enveloping you in the tightest hug she ever gave someone. Your laughs were like music to her ears while wrapping your arms around her torso. You felt her face pressing against the tresses of your hair, looking over at her shoulder to beckon the blond closer to join the hug. Soon enough, the three of you smiled through rivers of tears cascading through your cheeks—the little family finally reunited after two years of thinking you were buried under the earth. People were staring at the three of you as if all of you were a spectacle ready to be criticized, but you all hardly care.

You pulled away to look at two of your best friends in the eyes. “I can’t believe I’m seeing the two of you right now! I only caught Armin’s name earlier so I hoped that maybe everything is real—that you three are here.”

Mikasa stared at the accessory clipping your hair away from your face. “The flower is gone.”

You chuckled, your fingers brushing over the sentimental treasure Mikasa gave you. “The flower wilted, Mika, I’m so sorry for ruining it.”

She only shook her head with a slight smile. “Don’t worry, I’ll pick up another one to put it there.”

“It’s so good to see you, [Name].” Oh, Armin—ever the soft-spoken boy who always shouted words of reason whenever one of you did something reckless. You terribly miss him so, your nostalgia showing in the image of your smile. The smile you gave him was returned and it was the exact thing in your memories. “We thought you were … gone.” His face shifted until his gaze was on the floor, blue eyes clouding over as if a storm was brewing inside his brilliant mind. “You disappeared after the Fall so we assumed that you were nowhere to be found since the Garrison never had your name in their record of survivors.” Mikasa solemnly nodded beside him.”

“I’m sorry,” you quietly told them, hands fidgeting with the fabric of your button-down shirt. “A kind woman took me in after Mother told me to run. She was just visiting Shiganshina that day so she gave me a temporary home in Trost, her hometown. When I told her I wanted to go into the Training Corps to fulfill something, she let me.”

“Well, we’re glad that you’re now here with us.”

A wistful smile pulled on your lips. “Me, too.”

“Someone’s ecstatic to meet you again, though,” Armin laughed, nudging you lightly with his elbow.

When your eyes flickered around the Mess Hall for any sign of the brown-haired boy, Mikasa knowingly smiled. “He’s outside looking for you.”

“Thank you, Mikasa, Armin,” you breathed, walking backward to give them a promise. “We’ll catch up later!” They waved at you with the same enthusiasm until the paint of the golden hour touched your skin. The girl who was punished to some run laps was still circling the field, gaining some of the trainees’ attention in the porch of the Mess Hall. You surveyed the area for him but his shaggy brown hair wasn’t among the heads of the onlookers taking pity on the girl named Sasha Braus. You made your way to the field, hoping that a cloud took you high enough to search for the boy who swore as your knight. “Eren, where are you?” you muttered under your breath, hands wringing the sleeves of your shirt in a nervous tick. You don’t even know how to act around the boy you saw as everyone’s hero. The small patch of grass on the dirt became interesting to you as you tried steeling yourself for your reunion with your childhood friend. “Why am I getting nervous? It’s not like he’ll see me differently or his personality changed.”

“[Name]?”

Eren was once again searching for you after the introductions because you simply vanished like the mystical being that you are. There was no way that you would immediately go to the Mess Hall. (You did.) Eren knew you like you were shining in his memories—you would find someplace cool after surrounding yourself with that many people, letting nature do its job of soothing you to the point of napping. (You did find someplace cool, and that is the Mess Hall because they were about to serve lunch at that point—you were hungry.) It was safe to say that the moment Eren entered the Mess Hall to get his fill of lunch, was when you were taking your well-deserved nap near the lake. Your paths never crossed the entire afternoon. But at this moment, maybe Fate wove a tapestry featuring his reunion with his anchor.

“Eren,” came your soft call.

“… You look different.” He inwardly cringed at the awkwardness. He tried clearing his throat to dispel any signs of it.

“And you still look the same, ‘Ren,” you chimed, fingers fidgeting with each other yet your head was angled to meet his gaze. “Still the reckless boy who wanted to protect me all those years. It’s great seeing you again.”

A foreign tugging on Eren’s heartstrings echoed throughout his chest, his heart clenching until he placed a palm on his pounding skin. There was a sense of nostalgia surrounding the ministrations occurring inside his ribcage, having missed the sensation of you causing the tremors of a rapid heartbeat. Ever since he was five years old, waiting for his mother to finally move out of the doorway to see you; he was already under the effects of the intense emotions blanketing his being whenever you’re in the painting. It couldn’t be helped that he was curious of the unknown feeling, having asked his mother to identify the supposed sickness he had around you. Carla only smiled in that all-knowing countenance of hers, always one step ahead of Eren’s thinking. She patted his head and told him that all in due time, he’ll figure it out on his own; but for now, he should just enjoy the throes of innocence. But he still didn’t reach the age of wisdom’s peak to fully comprehend other emotions not associated with philia and storge. Twelve years old was still a child in people’s eyes—a child thrown into a grapple for humanity’s survival. The palm on his chest pressed even further, the walls of his heart pushing onto his hand, his gaze thoughtful as his gaze never lifted from the butterfly hovering over the patch of grass in the field.

Shaking his head, he brushed off any moment of being lost in your presence before he regarded you with cool teal eyes, a shy smile making its way on his lips. “I could say the same thing to you.”

Everything feels like home now that you’re here.

“Why is she giving that prissy bastard the time of the day?” Eren grumbled, glare never leaving the pair he was cursing in his head.

Armin halted from looking around the bustling district of Trost, his small smile being replaced with a confused frown. “What are you talking about, Eren?” Even Mikasa who was walking a few ways behind them hastened her pace to listen in on the conversation. However, Eren didn’t answer the question and instead continued glowering at the trainees in front of them. Still with confusion, Armin followed his friend’s gaze and was met with Jean talking to you, the latter’s face looking as if he wanted to escape the situation. That wasn’t an unusual occurrence for Armin and Mikasa, who gave the blond a wary glance, both of them concerned that the third of their little trio might lash out in the streets of Trost. “Eren, you don’t have to be cross at them talking to each other. [Name]’s foster mother is friends with Jean’s mom so they’re bound to exchange some pleasantries while living here in Trost.”

Eren’s face curled in disgust at the prospect of you interacting with Jean during your stay in Wall Rose for two years. He watched as you appeared to be scolding Jean for something along the lines of visiting his mother since they’re in his hometown while the taller boy only brushed away your nagging with blatant annoyance. No one expected you to have a connection with someone who showed the same hot-headedness as Eren but when the ash-brown-haired boy called for you to be his partner in hand-to-hand combat training last year, Eren was left in a standstill. He was livid to this day. Of all people, why could it be that long-faced bastard always running his mouth in front of Eren? He didn’t notice that he had become quiet in the current conversation until Mikasa leaned her head forward with sharp eyes.

“Eren,” Mikasa called out. “Are you perhaps … jealous?”

“Huh—jealous?! W-What—Where did you get that idea from?!” Eren sputtered, spine stiffening at the abrupt exposure to the spotlight. “I’m not! Why would I be jealous in the first place?!” His ears were red.

Mikasa didn’t believe him, staying silent until something caught her eye at one of the stalls lining up the street. Without a word, she walked faster to pull you away from Jean without any warning and brought you to a stall filled with flowers. The two of you were excitedly picking the blossoms displayed in the small cart while the trail of trainees continued to the path of the headquarters. The black-haired girl was holding a small stem of blue flowers to your hairclip before telling the florist she’ll be taking a small bouquet of what she chose. Two pairs of eyes watched you two as Mikasa carefully pinned the flowers through your hairclip, recreating the accessory she customized back in the day.

Eren huffed in slight envy that Mikasa could easily latch onto you at any time of the day. He rolled his eyes at the scene of you tucking a daisy behind Mikasa’s ear. “They’ll wilt eventually, you know. What’s so special about a bunch of flowers anyway?” He opted on staring down the children playing hopscotch down the road. “Their beauty only lasts a couple of days,” then, Eren’s voice lowered in a murmur so that Armin wouldn’t hear it, “why is she so happy with that?” He glanced at you discreetly, allowing himself to loosen up the tenseness clumping his shoulders at the sight of your breathtaking smile. Though it wasn’t directed at him, it’s still heavenly either way. Please look at me. Let me know that you think of me as well. As if she heard the song his heart created to make you acknowledge him, you turned your head mid-laugh and found emeralds reflecting your figure. Eren’s heart raced when your lips lifted in the softest smile, eyes crinkled with an emotion that he was sure only lovers wear for the precious holders of their hearts.

Once again, Eren’s chest clenched in that intimate aching tied to his soul and you were the reason behind it.

The sunset painting the lands of the Walls a beautiful shade of gold landed its pigments on two figures, creating silhouettes that were always mistaken as lovers wherever the stars told them to. The world is only their stage, them being the ones fulfilling the protagonists in this melodrama called Hell.

The Survey Corps Headquarters were far behind you and Eren. Right after dinner, he pulled you out of the Mess Hall with a set destination in his mind. His steps were purposeful, echoing across the stone walls of the castle until his boots hit the dirt of the training field. He kept his voice to himself, face forward, letting you wallow in a state of confusion behind him. Even if his face showed distress through the furrowed eyebrows and tight jaw, his grip around your hand felt like an embrace. He faintly heard you ask where he’s taking you but he simply kept quiet about it. It was a grueling day for him—with all the experiments Hange poured onto his shoulders and the constant jabs of Levi and his squad whenever he malfunctioned in the secluded plain where he’s doing all the work. He needed an escape, what better way to enjoy that with you by his side? While grumbling to himself about dusting another room one afternoon before you and the other cadets appeared in the Headquarters, Eren stumbled upon a meadow filled with wildflowers, like the one the four of them always played in—all that was missing was the tree.

Upon reaching the meadow, Eren heard your questions dying down. He turned around to find you being entranced by the meadow. He couldn’t help but feel proud of himself for showing the view to you. “What are you waiting for? Let’s go.” He pulled you in the middle of a huge lake of wildflowers and lie down on the soft mattress of blossoms, a satisfied sigh escaping his grinning lips. Eren looked up at you from his comfortable position. “Hey, don’t just stand there, join me.”

You playfully rolled your eyes. “Okay, okay. Don’t mind if I do.” You stared at the darkening sky, the night making her way to settle a temporary peace over the lands; her daughter, the moon, was slowly becoming brighter as her twinkling sisters accompanied her in lighting up their closed world. Eren slowly turned his head to stare at you instead. Whenever the moon hits you with her beautiful moon rays, you always looked even more ethereal—illuminating under the light of the silver luminary. He observed how you closed your eyes, letting the gentle night breeze wash over your figure. The small curve of your lips, the eyelashes protecting your irises, the creaseless serene expression stitched upon your face—all of you continued to shine like gems in Eren’s eyes. “It’s nights like these that make me think,” when you started to speak, Eren’s cheeks colored a shade of rose, though he didn’t look away from you, “maybe everything’s alright in the world. Just you and me enjoying peace in innocence—I want to stay like this forever.”

“Me, too,” Eren confessed, not having control over his mouth. It seemed like his thoughts were always spilled when you’re around. “I want this night to be eternal and never-ending—just the two of us under the moonlight.” You hum in tranquility, inhaling the scent of the flowers brushing over your skin. Something churned inside Eren’s stomach, traveling to his mind telling him to be close to you. He scooted a little to close the gap, his breath hitting the side of your face. Without thinking about it, he reached out and tenderly ran his fingers on your cheek. Green irises met yours and the stars sighed in a chorus of innocent pleasure. “Promise me to be alive in the 57th expedition tomorrow. I’m not there to keep an eye on you but I want you to know that I … care for you so much to have you die on me.” Something is weighing in his mind before he shook his head. “… I have something to tell you once we reach the ocean.”

A promise.

You shifted your body until you’re face-to-face with the little soldier boy who always looked at you differently from the others. A pretty smile of understanding was directed at that soldier boy you hold dear in your heart. Your hand wrapped around his wrist to convey that he had nothing to worry about. “You know that I will always listen to whatever you have to tell me, ‘Ren. And I promise I’ll stay alive in the expedition tomorrow. I didn’t graduate a place above you for no reason.”

Eren scoffed. “I was just letting you ahead of me for once, there’s nothing special about that.”

Your eyes gained that admiration you always felt for him, your heart swelling with a sense of protectiveness for the boy even though he already assumed the role of the protector in your childhood. You started to hum when night became too quiet. The little tune coming out in a lingering sillage that smelled like home. Eren recognized the song and let himself close his eyes when your voice lulled him for a moment. It was the song you always sang whenever he sleeps over your house, dedicating to his then dream of joining the Scouts without his parents knowing. He felt your fingers caress the skin of his wrist, holding it in place below your ear since his entire body relaxed in equanimity.

“Leaves from the vines, changing so slow. Like empty, fallen souls, looking for a home.

“Little soldier boy, thought he could soar. Brave soldier boy, fallen in the war.

“My little soldier boy, I need you home. Brave soldier boy, come marching home.”

The song was carried by the wind and by how peaceful Eren looked, you might have assumed he had fallen asleep after hearing the song. But you see the normal rise and fall of his chest, him being asleep flying out of your mind. You rested the hand between yours on the side of your neck, the warmth of your skin becoming a river towards the boy’s heart. You breathed out, in hopes that he was awake to answer your request for the night, “Tell me a secret, Eren.” It was a plea if ever you didn’t survive the expedition tomorrow. Who knows what might happen to your first fight for humanity’s freedom outside the walls? The fear crept to your heart and you hoped for the one person to quell it in obedience. If you got yourself inside a Titan’s stomach, you would still find yourself swallowed by pride since you have a piece of Eren within you—one of his secrets.

You’re the most precious person I ever hold dear at the moment and I might burn the entire world if you slip through my fingers without knowing how deeply I feel for you. “What kind of secret?” Eren whispered so as not to disrupt the calming spell you cast on the meadow, despite the inner turmoil pulsing his temples. Oh, how he wanted to tell you how the tiny wisps you created in his heart turned into a million stars spreading across his chest.

“Anything.”

“Hmm.”

When Eren is deep in thought, you had the urge to tease him. “Be careful, you might hurt yourself from thinking too much.”

“Hey!” You only laughed at him, making him stare at the joy plastered on your face that he could see nothing else but you. “I’m going to be the first hero who’s going to have a happy ending.”

“I think all heroes are happy, Eren.”

That look of blazing flames took over his face, the hand carefully brushing his fingers on your skin cupped your cheek. His face seemed to be much closer to yours now but all you could do was stare because he was so captivating—like he could eat the world raw in front of your eyes. He was definitely destined for greatness and what better thing for greatness than glory? But it looked like Eren didn’t agree with you on that. “No, they’re not. Their life always ended in tragedies from the stories Armin’s books tell and I know I’m no different from them.” He pressed his forehead against yours, his eyes rooting you into the ground. “But I’m going to change that��I know Fate will be on my side for me to achieve that. Not just Fate, but you, too. You’re my reason and my moon.” He paused, gauging your reaction at the anxious thought of him revealing too much of his hidden feelings. All he could see was the same look you always throw at him. “I’m willing to be the world’s first happy hero for your sake!”

His usual enthusiasm endeared you. “I’m looking forward to it, ‘Ren. Make the world beautiful, not just for me, but for everyone else as well. I believe in you, my soldier.”

Eren will forever carry those words in death—until the end of the world.

The fight against the Titans was finally over and the ocean became the most anticipated reward for the survivors of the Battle of Shiganshina.

Its crystalline waters were so clear that it instantly took everyone’s breath away. It was way bigger than the lake they frequented back in the Training Corps. It was bigger than any body of water they encountered inside the walls. The blue was so bright that it captivated everyone more than the sky they always adored while being trapped in their crafted, fraud protection. The smell of salt was so strong that it invigorated all of you to jump down from your horses to get the feeling of wading your feet on the shore. It was the most beautiful thing you ever saw yet Eren’s half-lidded gaze never wavered from the childlike wonder you were sporting with everyone else. After he kissed Historia’s hand, he became more observant than normal, which baffled Jean and Connie. They were thinking that probably this was a change that they wouldn’t get used to. But now, no matter how enamored all of you were by the ocean, Eren was reclusive in his own world, looking away from you to point his stare at the horizon. He was more thoughtful than giddy compared to you. He realized he was the only younger soldier left standing on the shore until you called out his name.

“Eren!” Your smile was much more enrapturing than the ocean since he already saw the latter in his father’s memories. It was as if time slowed down when you turned around to beckon him to you, Armin, and Mikasa; face like the painting your mother hung upon the wall of your childhood home. You finally smiled like before and Eren’s eyes slightly widened, gaining some of the brightness they held that seemed to dull after the awarding ceremony. “We’re all waiting for you!”

He couldn’t fight against you.

As you and Mikasa laughed silently at the latter girl’s small slip in the shallow waters, Armin turned to Eren, whose body was facing something specific beyond the sea. “Look!” He was holding a handful of seawater, a conch shell sitting in the middle of his palms—shining like the crystals you found under the Reiss Chapel. “I told you, Eren! A salt lake so big that merchants could spend their whole lives collecting and still not get all the salt it holds. The things I talked about before weren’t wrong after all!”

Sensing the tone of delight from your blonde friend, you stopped splashing Mikasa and straightened yourself to look at the two boys. Your gaze drifted towards Eren, your stomach churning with someone so foreign when it comes to the boy. The black-haired girl also stopped scooping some seawater to throw at you, seeing how you were in a trance because of someone, before following your gaze. Armin was so ecstatic that he didn’t notice Eren’s melancholic demeanor until the taller boy opened his mouth.

“Yeah, it’s so damn big,” Eren dragged out.

Armin stepped forward with tears in his eyes. “Look, Eren, on the other side of the walls, there’s—”

“There’s a sea.” You shared a glance with Mikasa at the interruption but Eren continued, “On the other side of the sea is … freedom. That’s what I always believed. But I was wrong.” Now, you were concerned, taking steps across the shallow end of the sea to place your hand on Eren’s shoulder but his next words stopped you in your tracks. “But on the other side of the sea are enemies. Every part of this is exactly how I saw in my father’s memories.” He turned around, traveling his gaze from Armin and Mikasa before stopping at you. He saw your breath hitching at the sheen of pain in his eyes the more he looked at you. It was as if he was already apologizing for not giving you the beautiful world you wanted for everyone. In his mind, he was but you didn’t need to know that. He went back to staring at the horizon, pointing a finger towards it. “Hey, if kill all of our enemies over there … will we finally be free?”

It stunned you—how dejected he was. With tentative footsteps, you reached him, head tilted slightly to the side to fully see his face. “Eren,” you softly called for him to back. “Look at me.” Only when you placed a hand on his arm did he meet your gaze. “Welcome back, soldier boy.” Teal glowed with the reflection of the ocean’s waters at the nickname, your chest swelling with overflowing emotions at the life brought back to his eyes. “Can I tell you a secret?”

Eren faced you with faint anticipation, nodding for you to relay the secret.

You looked down at the small lapping waves by your ankles. “I’m afraid.” You missed how Eren’s face slightly become alarmed. “I know there are no threats of Titans lurking today but I’m scared of what might happen to you after the momentary peace ebbs away. I never said this to you but,” you lifted your head, only for your heart to beat faster and for your cheeks to become warmer at the astounded look Eren had on his face, “you’re so important to me. Ever since you accepted those biscuits I made when we were five, you are constantly shining in my memories. I don’t want you to lose that light, Eren.” You noticed that he took a step closer to soak in your warmth. “For now, let’s not worry about what the future might hold—let’s focus on the treasure we found today. Are you okay with that, Eren?”

You make him sound like someone should consider him as a fragile thing when he was anything but that. Dispelling a deep exhale, Eren figured that if it was you talking to him in that soft demeanor, better you than anyone else. Now, a small smile tugged on the corners of his lips, thanking you for pulling him out of the abysmal torment he seemed to be drowning in these days. He ducked down a little, relishing in the way your cheeks bloomed the prettiest red flowers. His hand scooped a handful of seawater and splashed it on your face. It was the last thing you expected from the brown-haired boy. Your squeal received a booming laugh from the handsome boy, his arms clutching his stomach at your adorable reaction. A few feet away from you two, Mikasa and Armin shared a relieved sigh before looking at each other with knowing smiles. If there was someone worthy enough to anchor Eren to reality, it was you.

“Eren!” you yelled, your soft half-lidded eyes from earlier morphing into a glare at the chortling boy. However, it died down when you stared at him for more than a few seconds. His hair was longer now, touching the base of his nape; and he was also taller by three inches in a year. His laughs died down to giggles as he covered his mouth with the back of his hand, eyes shining in mirth.

“Am I that handsome to make you space out like that?”

You recoiled with burning cheeks, taking a handful of seawater to splash him in the face, his laughs following soon after. “No, you idiot! How big can your head get?! You should stop saying those things, who knows what the others are thinking?” Your rambling only seemed to make the heat on your cheeks spread to your ears. “When have I ever thought that you’re handsome? You should get your head out from the clouds and—Ah! Let me go, Eren!”

Eren chuckled under his breath. “Never,” he simply stated.

Having his arms under your back and knees only made you cling to his neck as if it was your lifeline. Your protests and light punches on his chest didn’t deter him from doing the exact opposite of letting you go as he spun where he was, with you in his arms. Your squeals colored the entire landscape with an even brighter shade of blue, his laughs joining in as a complementary color. His feet sometimes got caught in the sand under him, which only wobbled his balance until you pleaded for him to put you down. Slowly enough, your shouts turned into full-blown laughs as Eren continued twirling the two of you, blue splashes twinkling against the rays of the sun. At some point, you leaned back with your arms now raised in the air, feeling the euphoria taking over your entire body. Eren struggled to keep you in his arms all the while adoring the look of eudaimonia on your features. That only made him slip, causing the two of you to tumble down on the water, with your body hovering Eren. Green eyes ate you—its limbal rings flecked with the image of you. While the others were laughing with each other down the waters, you and Eren were staring at each other as if it was the first time you saw the other. For him, your beauty made the world stop. For you, it was seeing him in a new light.

Seeing the new shine in your eyes for him, Eren leaned forward to press his forehead on yours, heart beating tumultuously. “I promise to give you the most beautiful world after the war, just promise me back that you’ll never slip away from my grasp.”

You placed your hands on his chest, feeling his fast heartbeat through your skin. “When have I ever slipped away from you, ‘Ren?”

A dozen images flashed in front of Eren’s eyes but he couldn’t look away at your inquiring ones. “No matter what happens, don’t. If it comes down to that moment, promise me that you’ll listen to me, okay? I …” Eren hesitated, weighing if this was the right time to pour out his feelings for you. Your hair fell over your shoulder, tilting your head in patience. “I … [Name], you—”

“Take your time, Eren.”

Eren shook his head before nuzzling his face in the crook of your neck to hide his burning cheeks. He tightly closed his eyes and lightly brushed his lips over your skin, causing you to shudder on top of him. “Can I tell you a secret?” You only hummed in response, running your fingers through the damp strands of his hair. Eren fixed his stare on the foam behind you, mindlessly lifting his arms to wrap them around your waist. “You’re my heaven in this hell and I can’t afford to lose you. If I lose you, I might as well burn the entire world to the ground.” He tightened his embrace around you. “I’ll gladly be the devil because losing you means that I’ve lost the only good thing I have in this hellhole. I don’t want that to happen.”

“I’ll never leave you, Eren. I’ll always be here with you. I’m the moon to your sun, right?”

“My moon,” the boy murmured on your skin.

Eren will do anything to keep his moon shining.

There were times when Eren would sneak inside your room during your time as cadets. Historia, Ymir, Sasha, and Mikasa were all used to his behavior of peeking inside the doorway despite being forbidden to enter the female barracks. He figured that if he napped with you by his side, everything will wash away from his mind—the responsibilities, the threat of Titans, the constant battle for survival.

Now, as Eren carefully opened the door to your single bedroom in the Scouts Headquarters, he stood with his back on the wooden door to stare at your breathing figure with half-lidded eyes. It seemed that as the years passed, Eren was slowly turning into the most brooding person everyone knew rather than the hot-headed suicidal bastard that he was. He was wearing a long coat and there was a sack of essentials draped over his shoulder as if he was going somewhere. Nobody knew of this plan of his, which will only be revealed in a letter once he reached his destination. But if there’s someone in the tight circle of the Survey Corps worthy enough of saying farewell to, it was you—the one person who’s been there before anything fell into their demise. Eren, however, was nervously wringing his hands in front of him. You shifted in your bed, stiffening Eren in his post at your door. Damn, you really don’t know the effect you have on him? Exhaling a sigh, Eren silently padded his way to sit on the edge of your bed, his fingers reaching out to brush your hair out of your face.

“Eren?” you mumbled, eyes opening with a hazy undertone. “It’s late, why are you here?” Your mind answered your question for you, causing you to smile in understanding. You scooted to the right side of your bed, patting the space beside you. “You can sleep here, ‘Ren.”

For a moment, Eren’s eyes flashed like a fast-paced comet in the night sky. His voice was low and small when he finally said, “I’m going away to Marley.”

You sat up, the blankets pooling on your waist and your nightgown exposed to the chilly midnight air. Eren’s tan cheeks colored a slight red at the sight of the see-through coverings on your body. You didn’t care if he saw you in your most comfortable clothes, there was something foreboding with the way Eren’s face contorted in a light grimace at your furrowed expression.

“What?”

Your hand made its way up to cup his cheeks, turning his head to face yours. After three years of preparing for the war against the nation across the seas and Eren grew into a young man who towered above anyone else with his secretive determination to provide you with the most beautiful life. You watched him grow into different phases of his life—the brazen little soldier boy who vowed to protect you always, the passion-driven teenager who screamed to kill all of the Titans, the reserved young man who looked like he had the entire sky on his shoulders. You saw everything that he came to be and now he was the one slipping away from you despite the promise you shared in the sea. “Don’t tell me you’re doing something reckless again.” Tears were starting to cloud your vision. “Please, stay with us and we’ll think of another plan before doing whatever you planned inside that head of yours. Don’t just head there without any help from us, ‘Ren.”

Eren’s breathing hastened when he saw you cry, begging for him to never leave Paradis. Why did he think that going to you before setting sail for Marley was a great idea? Now, it was even harder for him to leave. The emotions keep piling up inside his heart, the three little words that could change everything lodged in his throat. His eyes didn’t lie, though—they were flashing with so much affection for you that he buried his hands through your hair to embrace you tightly in his arms. You were still pleading for him to stay, your cries muffled by his shoulder.

“Please don’t cry, moonshine.”

That only spurred you to dig your hands in his back, wishing for him to rethink his decision. You’re his beloved, his anchor, his moon—everything beautiful in this world was all of you. “I have to do something first before I can have that happy ending I was talking about in the meadow.” Why can’t he say those words that he kept inside a jar in his heart? “Just promise me that you’ll never let me go.”

Another promise.

“Did you tell the others?”

“No, they don’t know.”

“Why are you doing this without them knowing?”

He knows your eyes are glaring on his shoulder, still, he didn’t let you go from his arms.

“Because it’s better that way.”

You pushed on his chest to meet his eyes. “You’re an idiot, you know that, right? Why are you heading there by yourself, ‘Ren? You know Levi’s going to kill you once he catches wind of this.” There was a beat of butterfly wings before he opens his mouth, his words chilling your blood.

“If it means raising hell on earth just to give you any semblance of serenity—I’d do it in a heartbeat.”

The atmosphere inside the airship was stifling, the silence was deafening as you stood inside the room with Mikasa, Armin, and Levi. The four of you were facing Eren, Zeke, and Yelena. The whole time the mission to retake Eren after he crumbled Marley into a sea of flames, you were keeping your head down, not having the strength to look at Eren, unlike the others. There was nothing to be said as you took a deep breath to excuse yourself from the room, Mikasa following you with her eyes laden with misery. This might even be the final straw in snapping your relationship with Eren, there was no going back, now that he killed innocent people for his goal. His words before he turned himself as a refugee in Marley pulsed in your head, creating a headache that drilled in your skull. A firm hand latched on your wrist, preventing you from moving any further. Staring down at the tanned hand wrapping your wrist in a vice grip, you were met with Eren’s dull green eyes staring straight at you. You don’t know what to feel so you clenched your jaw and looked away from him.

“Please, don’t go out there,” he whispered for your ears only. Levi narrowed his eyes at the exchange, taking a step closer to where you were to make sure that Eren stays in his lane. “[Name], please listen to me. Don’t step outside that door. I beg you.” The grip on your hand only tightened. “I need you home.”

You don’t even know where home was at this point. You tried prying his hand away from you, gritting at the force he applied to make you stay inside the room. Mikasa was about to help you but Levi rose a hand in front of her to not make a commotion, the older Ackerman’s eyes only hardened at the refusal Eren sported. “Eren, let me go,” you murmured. “Eren. I just need some fresh air—it’s suffocating in here.” He didn’t relent, clinging onto you as if you were the source of strength he needed to win this war, which you never knew that you were of importance in this chess game he initiated. In the end, you stopped struggling, hope sparking inside the young man’s chest. However, you looked down at him with a blank stare, his eyes slightly widening at the coat of disappointment swirling in your irises. “Let me go. I’m already tired enough as it is, don’t make me argue anymore.” You felt his hand slackening, allowing you to slip from his fingers.

He couldn’t fight against you.

Opening the door, the cheers from the other soldiers contrasted the silence you just left behind. It was a celebration you had no plans of joining since you were still hovering above the city you just declared war against. Pushing past bodies that you have no chance of interacting with, you let out a small sigh of relief at the second trio you held dear to your heart. Sasha was the first one who saw you, her steps receding the distance between you two, and engulfing you in a tight hug oozing with tenderness. You grew to care for Sasha since you were always roomed with each other even way back in the Training Corps. She regarded you highly after you shared your meal with her, only to have Mikasa place some of her portions on your plate because she doesn’t want you to get underfed. “Hey, Sasha, I’m glad you’re safe.”

Sasha nuzzled her head on your hair, breathing in your faint scent of cloves. “I’m glad you’re here, too. Oh, God, I hope it’s over.”

You know what she’s talking about but you didn’t want to extinguish the temporary joy she wore after this mission. You placed your chin on her shoulder, smiling against her uniform while running circles across her back. “I hope so, too.”

“Once we get back home, we’ll eat all the food we receive from Niccolo. You lost weight, we ought to get it back up!”

You chuckled at her bright nature. You’re already looking forward to going home with the people you call family.

But when the thuds of bodies coming from the entrance of the airship, all of those promises you made to certain people crumbled right in front of your eyes.

You saw a brown-haired girl aiming a rifle in Sasha’s direction and because of instinct, you pushed Sasha away from you. Using all of your strength, your friend hit the side of the airship in a shocked huff. Then, everything flashed by your eyes—all the running in the streets of Shiganshina, the stories you all shared during your time in both the Training Corps and Survey Corps, keeping your lives intact at every mission in the entire year before you discovered the ocean. But a certain person clouded your mind—the little soldier boy you promised to never let go when the time comes. His iridescent green eyes that sparkled against the sunrays. The chocolate tresses that now reached past his shoulders. Oh, how you wanted to braid his hair the moment you saw it flowing in the wind earlier. The hugs he gave you after a long day in training. The expectant look he threw at you when you stood on his shoulder with Mikasa whilst you blankly stared at the burning ground. There were so many things you wanted to say to Eren but a single sentence rang inside your head—

I love you since the beginning, my soldier boy, I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you.

And the bullet hit you square on the chest.

Chaos ensued in the airship. Sasha was frozen on the floor, eyes wide and mouth agape at the reality of the situation. Connie and Jean stared at the children being beaten up by the other members of the Survey Corps. At the first punch landing on the brown-haired girl who shot you, Sasha jolted from her trance. She scrambled on the floor, crawling to you, who was breathing heavily while finding the ceiling interesting. The blood was starting to pool around you in that vibrant shade that was starting to haunt her. She didn’t know where to put her hands, horror flowing in her veins at the realization that you pushed her away to take the bullet. Choking a cry, Sasha screamed, catching the attention of Connie and Jean, who was still processing what happened.

“[Name]!”

Connie jumped from his spot, wide eyes taking you in before kneeling on your other side. His hands were gently tapping on your still warm cheek. “Hey, [Name]? Hang in there, okay?! Stay awake please!”

“[Name]!” Sasha continuously called out for you, tears coming out in rapids onto her cheeks. “Please! Don’t close your eyes yet! There’s a feast waiting for us prepared by Niccolo.” Then, she stopped and wailed, hugging you close to her, your blood staining her uniform. “Why did you have to take it for me?!”

“Why are you guys … so loud?” A serene smile weakly appeared on your face. “We’re all going … home, right?”

“Somebody get some bandages!” Jean screamed at somewhere beside you. “We have to stop the bleeding!”

“[Name], make it to the island, okay?!” Connie tried convincing himself.

“E … ren,” you breathed out before all the light escaped your eyes.

The moon lost her shine.

Sasha felt you slump in her arms, her face expressionless before she mindlessly reached out for the bandages in another soldier’s arms. She started coiling it around your body but the blood only seemed to seep through. Sasha was in a trance as she convinced herself that you were just sleeping and that you needed to eat when you get back home. The brown-haired girl was in that state until Mikasa and Armin burst through the door to kneel beside you. Their wails didn’t help because Sasha found herself crying once again.

You have to survive; you were the one person who tied everyone together back when you were cadets. You were the reason why Eren and Jean tolerated one another. You were the one Armin confided in when he had some plans. You were Mikasa’s rock and the only one with who she could be herself. You were Sasha’s personal pillow during your nights in your shared room. You were Connie’s source of comfort when he found out his entire village turned into Titans. Everybody expressed how important you were and they were starting to think that they should’ve expressed it more because you were such an angel.

“Every time you’re caught by the enemy, we sacrifice lives to bring you back. No matter how many or how important they are.”

Those words flew by Eren’s ears, with him staring at nothing in particular. He knew this was going to happen—you dying in this airship. He fought so hard to make sure you don’t take one step past the doorway but you did the exact opposite of what he hoped for. He was so weak against you that he let you be because he didn’t want to feel the disappointment radiating from you. He could carry all the glares of anyone in this ship but never yours. So, he let you go. And now he felt half of his soul breaking, spreading a blossoming ache towards his chest until he placed a hand above his heart to try to quell it. Eren clenched his jaw to prevent himself from breaking in front of the people inside the room, even to the point of biting his cheek, his blood creating a tangy taste on his tongue. It was like half of him was gone the moment you were shot. His breathing became ragged the more he fought back the sobs brewing in his throat. He didn’t even say he had loved you more than half of his life. His lips were trembling as Connie opened the door with a horror-stricken face, the cries of the others beyond the door echoing like demons.

“[Name] … is dead.”

Fuck, he loves you so much and you didn’t even know it.

“Connie,” Eren’s voice wavered. (Levi furrowed his eyebrows at the broken sound.) “Did she … have any last words?”

Please let it be something else.

Connie turned his head to Eren. “It’s your name. [Name]’s last word was your name.”

The gleam in Eren’s eyes came back as he buried his head in his hands, the first signs of a sob coming out in whimpers of your name. Levi, Hange, and Jean stared at him, surprised that after dragging Marley to the coldest pits of hell, Paradis’ devil blatantly showed his vulnerability—his weakness being you. Murmurs of apologies streamed out of his mouth. The promise of being the first hero to have a happy ending. What happy ending when you’re not here to enjoy it with him? His version of a happy ending was confessing to you and starting a family once the onslaught was over. Now, it burned to ashes. The promise of never letting go when the time in the airship comes. His heart couldn’t bear the look on your face just minutes ago. Now, it led to your death. Half of his soul died alongside you. His shoulders shook as he let out the loudest sob inside the airship; Jean looking away to prevent himself from crying, even Hange was turning around to give the brown-haired boy his privacy. Eren didn’t even ask you to sing that lullaby he always liked before you passed away. There was one regret creating a migraine in his temple and that was never letting you know he loves you more than anything in this damn world.

His heaven in this hell was no more.

His moon was no longer here.

Perhaps it is the greatest grief to be left on earth when another is gone.

With a newfound fire, Eren will watch the world burn without you—the only promise he’ll find himself fulfilling, now that he lost the only beautiful thing he had in this cruel world.

[9pcentrash-blog]

Soft Kiss | CollegeAU Chen Linong

Notes: So I used to write these scenarios things for other groups when I was like freaking 12 or 13 when I had the writing skill of a bad middle schooler and the relationship experience of nothing but really cliche romance animes. But now I’m 18 so let’s see how this goes lol. Also my first scenario writing in like 4 years pls go easy on me. Would very much appreciate feedback cause I’m not sure this is good or not asdfghjkl. 

Words: 2.7k (haha I need to chill)

okay so i get nongnong is the soft shy boy but I think we can give him a lot more credit to think he'll take some initiative.

not saying boy would be full ‘in charge’ but I think he can really be confident in his feelings once he's confident in himself

SO i wrote this because there are too many ‘soft boy nongnong doesn’t know how to relationship’ or ‘too shy to tell you how he feels uwu’

welp im here to show a little more forward but still sweet nongnong

so buckle up cause i got real into this

okay, nongnong would probably fall in love with you from a far or being he's met you in group settings but never really had a one on one conversation with you

but he sees how cute your mannerism is when it comes to how you laugh with your friends or how you light up when you talk about something you're really passionate towards.

he notices these cute things about you just by watching 

he's w h i p p e d

'h o w can someone be so cute???' he's probably thinking

you and him have mutual friends like zhangjing and yanjun

yanjun being nongnong's roommate and you having to study english with him that’s how you guys meet

yanjun introduces you guys

at first, yeah nongnong thinks you’re cute and all but doesn't have that big of an impression on you

but his interest peeks when you spend the day 'studying' with yanjun

and by ‘studying’ I mean you guys only studied for the first hour before ordering food and started playing video games

nongnong hears yelling from outside his bedroom and he walks in to you guys playing mario cart and eating pizza

"wow yanjun" he says with a hint of pain in his voice

you both stop to look at him

"you guys dare to play my mario cart and not invite me???"

so obviously nongnong joins in on the fun

and while you guys play he starts to see how you are, beside from your brief introductions 

he realizes just how cute you are when you’re having fun

to your adorable reactions as you jump in your seat when you get hit with a shell or how antsy you get when yanjun dares to pass you into 1st place

in the end you constantly beat yanjun for first while he gets second and nongnong is just content with his stable 5th or 6th place because seeing your little victory dance and teasing of yanjun as you win everytime is enough for nongnong to feel like he's won

cause w o w he never knew he could come across someone as adorable as you

okay but that's just the surface of you guys path's crossing

you and zhangjing are best friends

but zhangjing and nongnong always get food before their history class so they can cram/get hw done last minute

zhangjing eats your food whenever he comes over your place

that damn freeloader

but you'll never actually stop him, rather you see opportunities for future food purchases from him.

so you're hungry as heck one day after class and you have no money

that's when you see your best friend rushing into one of the food places on campus

"hey zhangjing!!! buddy do you have any money on you :) "

"what why??"

"remember MY leftover pizza you ate in my fridge last weekend? :))))"

you pull out the receipts and he cant find an excuse so he reluctantly buys you food

you guys meet up with nongnong after and you recognize him

I mean how could you not

he wasn't that talkative but he was a sweetheart from what you remember

*cough* and not to mention was pretty cute *cough*

"oh hi y/n!"

nongnong lights up when he sees you

"you guys know each other??? dont you just stay inside all day, how do you know peo-”

you step on zhangjing foot hard enough so he can feel it but not hard enough for him to scream

and cue the explanation story of how you guys met to zhangjing

suprise zhangjing is good friends with yanjun too and grew up together

suprise suprise its a small world and you guys decide why not all of you hangout cause mutual friends?

the four of you then started to hangout

often had study sessions or more mario cart races as 4 people and you and nongnong got closer

nongnong, getting to know you fell in love with you even more and just really loved being around with you even tho you guys never spent time alone.

time was always spent together with either yanjun or zhangjing and he doesnt think he has any courage to even be in the same room with you alone

yanjun and zhangjing have figured out nongnong's painful obvious crush and try to help him out

zhangjing as your best friend definitely approves of nongnong cause at least he's a good kid unlike the flirt yanjun is

but anyway yanjan and zhangjing have enough of pinning nongnong and tell him he should just confess or you and his relationship will never change

he knows but he's scared

he's never dated let alone have his first kiss

he thinks its sad cause he's in college but relationships were never something he really sought out till he meet you

he never had his heart quicken so fast for someone, feel his stomach in constant knots or felt lost for words like this until he meet you

you caused all these bubbly feelings in him and he couldn't stand it, he had to tell you

nongnong decides to ask you to come over and hangout that weekend

yanjun gets kicked out but its okay cause him and zhangjing decide to hangout and spam nongnong cause they want all the updates

“yo 10 bucks he kisses her” zhangjing says while they wait for nongnong to text back

“pfft he won't do it”

“wow, doubting our nongnong”

“yeah I'm not even sure he'll go through with telling her”

“oh, if you're so sure how about raising the stakes and buy me whatever meal i want if im right”

”you’re on”

little does yanjun know, zhangjing is your best friend and he knows you

so you actually have a thing for nongnong too you’re just better at hiding it

like nongnong, you fell from the little interactions and observations

you thought it was endearing to see him always try and lighten up the mood when someone was down

or how he'd remember little things like yanjun and zhanjings favorite foods or drinks so he could get some for them when they seem to be down, eventually even doing this for you too

he gave you thoughtful advice and help when you needed it from someone besides your best friend

overall he was someone you wanted to depend on and fell for each and every time you saw him

when he asked you to hang out alone you're shocked

‘h o l y  c r a p  I've never hung out with him alone what do I do???’

you're a nervous mess but you don't want to pass up this opportunity

so you say yes

that weekend you get to his dorm and at first its very awkward

but nongnong tries super hard to lighten the mood by telling you funny stories about yanjun or doing silly things

you guys break out in laughter after listening to nongnong's story about how yanjun got a girls number only to give him a Chinese take out number and when he asked again about the ‘wrong number’ she gave him a different take out place

“I can't believe he asked again after she gave him a fake number the first time!” you laugh

“you gotta admit though it's clever she had another take out number on hand for the 2nd time”

you two are a mess of giggles and have closed the space there was previously between you 2 on the couch when you first got there

you didn't know when the two of you got so close but you and nongnong had your legs and arms brushed up against each other

every so often you would lean into nongnong's shoulders while you were in your laughing fits

and nongnong took notice to the distant and could literally feel his heart popping out of his chest

you obviously noticed the distance as well cause oh boy his smile from this close and his laugh humming in your ears made it feel like you were gonna die from how much it filled you up with this warm feeling

up close you notice little things like the cute mole right below his nose or the sweet but minty scent that probably comes from his shampoo or cologne

you both kinda come to a calm and eventually stop laughing

your eyes meet and that's when the heat rises into your cheeks and the butterflies in your stomach run loose cause his gaze into your eyes is so gentle looking

“hey y/n”

you die a little inside cause you've never heard him ever call out your name so softly like that

its timid and delivered sweetly like it was something fragile on the tip of his tongue but had a hint of fearfulness to it.

“y-yes” catching you off guard

he catches his breath

“I like you”

you kinda look at his serious expression and you're a little too shocked to say anything

nongnong sees the shock in your face and starts to panic

“oh god um- I didnt mean to scare you or anything but i just couldn't wait any longer to tell you cause you looked so cute so i just had to tell you- but it was so abrupt what was I thinking, you don't have to answer or a matter of fact you can just pretend this didnt happen if you wan-”

“I like you too!”

his panic halts and you see the visible red as his face heats up

“you do????”

“yes, I've actually liked you for awhile now”

cue nongnong's redness to increase tenfold and he breaks into that signature smile

“so does that mean if i asked you to be my girlfriend you'll say yes???”

you giggle out a ”mhm”

 and he's so happy he pulls you into a hug and you both break out into giggles

f i n a l l y  he could hold the big cutie that you were and call you his

nongnong holds you for quite some time while telling you how cute you are and goes on to list what makes you adorable

“the way your voice perks up with you get nervous or the way your giggle sounds so cuteeee” he goes on and you're heavily embarrassed

“nongnongggg please noooo” you're blushing so hard from the compliments you might actually die

he then lets you go and stops with the listing before he brings a hand to your cheek.

he runs circles with his thumb against your cheek and smiled ever so brightly

“im sorry its just- I've fallen so hard for someone as precious as you.”

man you're seriously gonna die from the sweetness of this boy

you then proceed to spend the rest of the night talking about when you started to like each other and finding that personalness you guys missed out on cause you never got the chance to hangout alone until today

later when you get ready to leave for the night nongnong stops you outside his door

“wait y/n before you go, can I hold you for a bit?”

u m  y e s

but in reality you just nod yes shyly before he pulls you into a hug where his big frame just sallows you up

hes so warm and sweet smelling when your face kinda presses into his chest

it’s the sheer definition of comfort and warmth and you never want to leave

once he lets go you wince a little cause the pleasant feeling of his embrace disappears

but before he entirely pulls away he plants a little kiss on your forehead

“goodnight y/n”

you say the same and you walk off literally stumbling and disoriented cause he's so precious your heart cannot comprehend it, you’re soft from this precious boy

nongnong probably texts yanjun and zhangjing in a group chat later that night

’guys i did it! I told her and now we're dating!!!’

zhangjing: ‘okay cool but did you kiss her???’

linong: ‘on her forehead i did’

zhanjing: ‘IT COUNTS, I CALLED IT’

yanjun: ‘FUCK'

yanjun’s wallet is then screwed

anyway after all this your relationship takes off

it starts out a little awkward but you guys start to adjust in time

Nongnong is constantly shy as heck when it comes to pda and holding your hand and thats all he can handle in front of other people

he can barely do that tho when yanjun and zhangjing constantly tease

but even though he's not blatant with his affection in public he’s still someone who tries to give subtle touches

to quick back rubs if you're walking side by side to when your arm rest on tables while you study he’ll lightly squeezes them while you work

he's tends to have trouble knowing what right words to say if you're upset or mad but is a great listener

he doesn't tend to get upset as easily as you would but when he does its a pretty big deal to you

he tries his best to not let any of his ill emotion get to him or let it out on you

and he tells you how he feels but often is really reluctant to talk unless you give him lots of convincing

he even likes to put on a smile for you like he's okay but you can tell he's not

he lets it build up so when he spills to you his feelings he tends to cry and holds on to you like his life depends on it

It’s hard for him to always keep a happy face so he really values these times

your touch and warmth calms him down when he breaks down like that

his affection maybe hard to convey in public but he lives for your embrace when it's just you 2

at first he always asked if it was okay to hug you or hold your hand

he wants to make sure you're comfortable

but you guys get to the point where he doesn't have to ask but naturally he just intertwines your fingers with his or cuddles up to you when you'd be sitting on the couch or his bed alone together

now kissing is a different story

at first he could only give you kisses on the forehead or your temple

progressively he started getting bolder sneaking pecks on the cheek or even lips (he apologized probably the first time he randomly kissed you on the lips but you gave him a quick kiss back and he died)

he constantly gives soft pecks because long kisses aren't something you have done yet

until one day

you're sitting on his couch watching a show when he nudges you a bit

you look at him and he moves in to plant small kisses on your forehead, to your nose your cheek and then softly your lips

doing this makes you giggle and he loves it to bits

Nongnong is gentle with kisses

kissing you so delicately like you'll break under his touch

he plants a soft kiss on your lips doing it again and again and again before the soft but fleeting kisses stop and he just doesn't pull away while kissing

he keeps his position and presses his lips onto yours just as delicately but it's far more passionate then the quick kisses from before

you're a little shocked cause you wouldn't expect him to kiss you like this but nevertheless it didn't stop you from kissing back

he presses into your lips slowly and tenderly while bringing his hands up to cup your face

the kiss is long but never rough just soft and sweet

you pull away and he's dazed before he can really comprehend what he did

“oh.” slips your mouth

“oh?”

“that was uh…”

“was it bad?”

“no it was good, um really good”

he lights up

long soft kisses are now your new killer 

especially when you’re caught off guard he tends to do them the most

He usually doesn’t try to get you flustered but he wants to do it once in a while

so he loves how flustered they get you because of the kisses and definitely plans on doing them more

so ultimately this boy is definitely gonna be the death of you