#I hope I feel better tomorrow morning
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I am the sick 😞
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#talked to my credit union about pre-approval for an auto loan. im gonna frow up#tldr; i just started a new job after completely depleting my savings over the last couple months#and my fucking car has decided that NOW is the time it wants to begin its death throws after 17 years & 190k miles#so rather than wait for the engine to explode on the highway or something i'm spending money i don't have#(many thousands of dollars that i will need to borrow. specifically. 🤢)#to shell out for a newer & hopefully more reliable car before winter hits. and then i'm just gonna pray my new income can cover it!!!!!#on one hand i'm excited cuz it'll be the first car i've ever owned that wasn't a shitty hand-me-down with over 150k on it already#and i am absolutely drooooooling over the one i'm gonna test drive tomorrow#but on the other hand. it feels very precarious to take on this amount of debt right now and i'm FREAKING THE FUCK OUT.#i was worrying this morning tha ri was rushing into things and maybe it would be better to try to hold off for a couple months#but then i had to use my own car for work today instead of a fleet vehicle and the engine started displaying Silly Behaviors*#(*RPMs doing whatever they feel like randomly & a noticeable Clunk whenever i'd shift gears)#and since this thing has already cost like 1k in two emergency mechanic trips in the last two months#i feel justified in my decision to just take the L and hope nobody will look at it too closely when assessing its trade-in value 😔#ctxt#money talk cw
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I’ve been replaying Disco Elysium and my interactions with Joyce are always genuinely so humbling because, on the one hand, “Dios mio!” (Draw a cross.) “A LIBERAL!”, but on the other hand she’s a beautiful rich older lady with a British accent so. @electrochemistry stop making me think gay thoughts she represents a CORPORATION for God’s sake!!!!!!
#the thing is that the moment when she explained the pale to me was one of the most poignant moments of my first play through…#i was so captivated… literally changed my perspective on EVERYTHING#so I’m naturally inclined to trust her but also… girl the liberalism……#in personal news: I am feeling much much better today! was KO the whole weekend through but I basically only have a cold now#i hope I can leave for my vacation either this afternoon or tomorrow morning :)#disco elysium#joyce messier
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she vaso on my vagal till i syncope
#presyncoped this morning not a fun time#in bed feeling like it may happen again#will tomorrow be the day i hit the ground at work god i hope not#in the past month my dysautonomia symptoms have gotten. significantly worse#concerning#vasovagal syncope#used to be like. full syncope once a year#now i know better than to keep standing that long but i presyncope like. once a month at a minimum#I THOUGHT THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO GO AWAY WHEN I GOT OLDER
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good morning!! <3
#i'm so tempted to go back and rewatch like my genshin f/os' character demos/teasers#it's been a moment lol#my other plans are mainly the same today#had a huge headache yesterday so i didn't play much (plus i got pulled to navigate somewhere for my mom lol)#so today should be better#i feel pretty good rn so i should have the mental energy to make some progress ^^#ooh and my genshin anniversary is tomorrow hehe#two full years of playing this game :3#anyways~#i hope today/tonight is kind to you <3#morning rambles
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We feeling like nothing tonight. ✌
#this morning was alright and I was vibing and had some fun ideas I doodled.#buuuut eugh I'm tired and all my fun interests feel really far away and I can't do the things I feel like I should be able to do#I know this is the kind of situation where I have to accept defeat for the day and just go to sleep as soon as possible#hope I feel better tomorrow etc etc but. I don't like accepting defeat. :(#*text#why do I almost always feel more zoned out when I get MORE sleep? That's really unintuitive#I keep wanting to do More like maybe I can try harder and just draw things out a little more and fix the problem.#but that just wastes time. I seem to be doing everything wrong. I don't know what I need or want right now.#that's a lot of words which are likely incomprehensible or at the very least meaningless to everyone. sorry chat.
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so sad that i missed the livestream today, but i'm unfortunately still sick and my body just gave up when i woke up at 5:30.
#sometimes you just have to choose sleep#and no i don't feel any better but at least i'm not extremely exhausted#i still have to go to work so i decided that maybe it's not a good idea to do this today#i don't have work tomorrow tho so i may try to get up cause i can always take a nap after the livestream#idk#my coworker said she thinks i have covid lmao i hope not#in all seriousness#i feel like shit and i want to die#and yes i'm still going to work#also good morning#i say whatever and whatever that i want*
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I slept 18 hours today and my dreams were wild. Ranged from cute stuff with Toji to trying to become friends with Art the clown???
#-ˋˏ ༻sunlit serenade#yapping from the afterlife#Fever boiled my brain like an egg#just wanted to let you guys know I'm alive and feeling a bit better so let's hope I can read more fics tomorrow#idk if I'll call in sick again I'll see in the morning#going back to bed now
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Tomorrow I have to make ten pounds of cake for my step grandma's funeral thingie on Saturday which is also the same day as the fundraising event and I still feel yucky from the chlorine 😭 I don't wanna do anything until October
#tbh kind of nauseous too but i cant tell if thats from the chlorine or from anxiety about the chlorine#either way#bad day#ugh and tomorrow its going to be around 90 and baking all of that cake is going to suck big time#i just hope i feel better in the morning
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did 90 pages of my reading for three different classes is everyone proud of me :) finished the chapter on judaism for my sacred texts class, read "an apology for poetry" by sir philip sidney for my lit theory class, and did my two chapters of reading from the truth about stories by thomas king for my folklore and mythology class. and wrote a summary paper on that sacred texts chapter. and did my little writing assignment for my french class. all while sick. who is going to kiss me on the forehead and tell me i did a good job
#read an absolutely inordinate amount of hannibal fanfic in the time inbetween and it's frankly impressive that i got anything done#considering the sheer volume of words i consumed on ao3 today. but that's simply the way and nature of things#so tomorrow i have until 12:30 to do a journal assignment for folklore and mythology#and also to read billy budd by herman melville which the internet says should take an hour and a half. easy peasy. baby reading#hoping i feel better when i wake up tomorrow. called out of work for the morning so i just have to be well enough#to get through that like. six hour period of school between 1:30 and 6:45 :/#masked up and hands sanitized and body dayquil'd. obviously. and i'm covid negative i think i just genuinely have stress sickness#felt this sore throat coming on for like two weeks before it actually hit yesterday the moment i got a good night's sleep. so. haha#shout out to the exhaustion sickness! sorry for being so rough on you body. i'll try not to schedule you for activities#from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to bed again. i don't make the best of decisions#valentine notes
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ok so. if anyone remembers the post I made the other day about finally healing my hand here is an update for you (well. for me to look back on really but .. yeah .. I’m sharing it with you all too hehe)
I just took off the dressing/bandage/thingy for the first time in a couple of days to properly clean and moisturise it etc and let my hand ‘breathe’ a bit tonight and uh.. I hadn’t properly seen the skin on my hand while it’s been on and then I was washing my hands feeling how much it’s healed as well as seeing it and I fully started crying… like.. it’s actually getting better ??? holy shit ???? it looks so much better and it feels so soft already too and yeah.. I feel like I’m in shock a little bit tbh
I thought it might work but I wasn’t certain,, like I wasn’t holding my breath because I’ve tried so many other things before that helped a little but not really and honestly the difference in such a short time with this new thing is crazy.. it’s still far off from being fully healed but fuck. I feel like I might actually get there someday now.. I’ve. never thought that before.. wow ok.. anyway goodnight :-) <3
#im going to reapply all the stuff tomorrow morning and im actually so so so excited#I can’t wait to see what it will look like the next time I have to remove it all to give my hand a deep cleanse#like.. my hand being better doesn’t seem like a hopeful dream anymore . it feels like something that actually might get done finally#within the next year if I’m lucky but we shall see ..#Ive been this way for as long as I remember.. I’ve been waiting to be better for so long.. I can wait a little longer if it means I will be#a
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Today sure went.
#dragon's discussions#dragon's dilemmas#dawg i think i cried out my will to live#im tired of this stupid diet despite being halfway done#actually wait shit i am halfway done :0#i dont feel better but ill feel better about it tomorrow (hopeful)#I GOT FABRIC FOR TECHNOCLOAK THOUGH!!!!#its not the perfect fabric but it should do the job#i might go to joanns tomo- nope its closed tomorrow july 4th#i might go to joanns soon to see if theres better optons#i got all my stuff done in the morning and now im BORED as SHIT and ALONE WIHT MY FEELINGS#and it SUCKS
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i don’t even have the energy to be annoyed when my parents get on their bullshit i’m just like yeah this is why i got a job and why im saving money lol
#keep it up#they’re just bitter and reminding me why i’m gonna move out soon as i can#hopefully i can do it in under two years#gonna try to work on comms tomorrow my sister bent my wrist being a terror#so it’s like weirdly sprained??? or sore??#hope it feels better in the. morning or at least neutral while i draw lol
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good morning!! <33
#i'm so glad i don't have to do anything today#like i slept better last night but still under the weather#so more laziness#i /am/ planning on watching the raf card from misty invasions tonight (since i didn't manage to pull it)#i'll watch xavier's tomorrow (kinda hoping it kicks him back into my mind palace a bit more bc my attention's been waning on him lol)#other than that- i'm gonna finish up the hsr event as i promised#i /should/ have the energy to do that at least#i honestly should be more excited about the genshin update but I'm too tired#hopefully i'll feel better tomorrow so i can actually start exploring & whatnot#but anyways i hope today/tonight is kind to you! <33#morning rambles
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#I have spent. 8 almost 9 hours resetting my laptop. I chose the option to keep all my files but uninstall apps. and it has been restarting#and installing for almost 9 hours. yeah I get that the process will be long. but ffs#I have been bored the past few hours so I watched the smile movie bc I got reminded of it yesterday#it was pretty bad. the couple gorey scenes towards the end were nice but some of the acting and writing was just terrible#I was also hoping the movie would’ve taken a different turn. I think it would’ve made it more.. idk. I can’t think of the right term.-#-it just would’ve made it better I think.#I’ve also eaten a lot today. more than I usually do. more than I have in months and years and im upset about that. im already bloated.#I hope I don’t work tomorrow. I have to call in in the morning to check. and I don’t mind working but rn I just kind of want to spend the#day relaxing#I’ve spent almost 9 hours on this resetting part. and 4 extra hours trying to simply repair it in restarts#I also need to clean up my room. a lot of it. and clean my pets cage. it’s ant season now and im really stressed about that#the smell of sharpie returns and I am just. overwhelmed. I have 3 days to prepare for my special week long activity and im not happy about-#-that.#I also had some feelings earlier that im stressed over too.#im being vague about that bc i just don’t want to go off about that to everyone#im tired and overwhelmed i just want my laptop to finish resetting so i can stop fretting about this. i want to sleep#im tired. of so much#to delete later
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My boss literally told me I didn't have to work today after I asked to work from home because I wasn't feeling well and I STILL feel guilty logging off after only 7.6 hours of work instead of the usual 9
#how does one get over this#(this is like two decades of listening to my mom complain about people calling out and herself going in when shes sick. i know this.#it's her voice i hear in my head whenever these feelings come up. and she happens to have the day off so yipiee)#don't mind me#literally no one at work is going to care#i got a lot done#but now I'm going to lay in bed and hope that helps me feel even better tomorrow#i think some of that guilt is coming from the fact that i do feel better then i did this morning#anyway no one needs to listen to me ramble about this#i just needed to get it out of me so i can go watch shows in bed and feel less guilty about it
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