#I havent even had caffeine today yet

[glitzybunny]

This makes me wanna tall about the silly little game idea I had last night but idk if I should keep it to myself for a bit or not JFKAJFJSKVNZJJSSKJF

[kitsuvil]

those nights where you feel incredibly emotional and on the verge of tears for no reason other than you just need to get water out from your eyeballs and so you turn on your crying music playlist you haven’t touched for months bcs you don’t even listen to lil peep unironically anymore (is this funny bcs im so fr but i want to add humor to this i cant unironically listen to lil peep bcs trauma from quarantine era) and then you begin realize how fast life has been going and its crashing down on you and you’re getting old

i do always say this is the best type of moment to harvest the emotions and tears into angst fics though it creates some good shit

[orcelito]

Social battery blinking at critically low

[goth-oatmilk-latte]

so this is also a friendly reminder that if you want to work in death care they will not give a fuck about your sick days.

for context, i text my manager at 5:45am today, after (involuntarily) throwing up my dinner last night, trying to sleep that off, and waking up with a fever and nausea from probably my caffeine bender (see prev post from this morning!)

didnt hear back, called back around 8 after i almost puked on myself to make sure he got my message, which he said he didnt (?) and i said i was sick and had a fever but i could maybe see around noon how i felt, but no promises bc id felt like this all night. "okay well dont bring that in here"

not even an hour later i get a text "hey so when are you gonna come in for your service later? we had 4 new families this weekend, i really need you"

first of all, pause. *i* dont have a service later. that was the other director. second, i said AFTER noon. it was hardly 9:15. third, im literally in bed covered in sweat AND shivering bc i STILL HAVE A FEVER FROM AN HOUR AGO I HAVENT SLEPT OFF YET HELLO. fourth, when i called him he literally said "if youre nauseous and have a fever, dont bring that in here." WHICH ONE IS IT?

so you know what, nope, this is now oatmilk bueller's day off. yalls poor planning isnt my fault, plus my manager literally was off almost a week and a half sick with covid and me and the other guy had to figure it all out alone, but it's a problem when i have a fever, and the MANAGER cant MANAGE. okay. it's only ever a big deal when i need a sick or personal day, when anyone else needs one, it's fine and im supposed to pick up all their work too. fuck no. finna let doctor dog and his three nurse cats help me feel better today, i feel like trash.

[rejectedanimexp]

The Intro to Luigi’s Decline into Villainy?; Somethings gotta give; underestimated for the last time

Part 1 to my phantom thieves AU (Mr. L)

Luigi was tired. So fucking tired. He hasn't slept in 2 weeks and he couldn't find any damn caffeine. Apparently Mario thought he was being nice by sneaking in to hide it all when Luigi was out because Luigi drank too much? It was 6 in the morning and he has been out since midnight to travel to the Bean kingdom to get some freaking caffeine. He was just too tired to fake happiness. All his bitterness was just one nudge from coming out. Sure, being Mr.L years ago did help with getting rid of over 30 years of negativity out of his system. (Yep, he remembers now. Got those memories back a few years ago.) But it only helped some. Luigi tries so hard to be happy. To smile and take all the taunts. To accept his place as number 2 and the worthless loser of a hero. But inside the rage grows. So yeah, two weeks of no sleep due to freaking King boo and Dimentio’s bullshit makes him slightly unnerved. He had no energy to fake being nice. Hell, he was too tired to be afraid of anything. Being killed by dimentio back then and fighting King boo kind of ruined his fears a bit. Why fear things when you died and came back to life? Not to mention the chaos heart was still in him, thus making him slightly immortal. Yeah, he wasn't so phased anymore by shit. He still faked it though. Because if he focused on false fears he could keep his rage at bay. Keep the murder urges at bay.

Unfortunately, no one gave Waluigi the memo. So is it really a shock that Luigi reacted the way he did? Can you really blame him for what happened that morning?

Waluigi grinned as he saw his rival up ahead. He loved picking on the resident scaredy cat. 

Luigi walked forward with his hands in his pockets and his bag slung over his left shoulder, dead to the world as he walked forward on the path in whatever forest he was in. He had finally, and I mean finally acquired some caffeine and was on his way back home to drink some and maybe hang out with his 2 friends. His eyes had heavy bags under them that made him really achieve the dead look. Glancing up from the ground he groaned with annoyance when he saw his ‘rival’. ‘Great, just what I needed. And I havent had any caffeine yet either.’ Luigi was in a stabby mood. You could say he got up today and chose violence.

‘If it isn't the loser who is scared of his own shadow. What are you up to now? Ruining from a cat? No wait, you’re getting ready to go rid the world of your pathetic self-”

Luigi’s hair casted a shadow over his eyes as he gave a death glare to Waluigi. He sighed and dropped his bag. Guess he would be testing Peasley’s little theory today after all. What a shame. And this was a new hoodie too.

“I haven't slept in 2 weeks. Do NOT fuck with me.” Luigi growled.

“Aww, is the little crybaby getting mad?” Waluigi laughed as he shoved Luigi.

Luigi laughed humorlessly as he pulled out the knife Peasley gifted him. He then grinned manically as he jumped Waluigi and proceeded to let out all that rage and anger that has built up over more than 30 years. He was sick of being underestimated. He saved the world how many times? He saved Mario how many times? And still people looked down on him. Saw him as nothing. Hell, he saved Peach faster than Mario the few times he had to save her. Yet Mario was held as a hero and Luigi was the worthless crybaby who couldn't do anything. Yep. Luigi was sick of it. He could only play nice for sooo long. Complacency wasn't forever and even Luigi had his limits. All it takes is just one bad day…

Earlier that week in his mansion:

Luigi was sitting on a barstool, leaning against the counter in the secret side room they turned into the hangout room. Behind him in the small sitting area was Peasley spinning around in a swilly chair and in front of him on the other side of the counter was Daisy who was sketching out her latest ideas for a villain costume in case she ever needed one.

Peasly sighed as he stopped spinning and broke the silence. “You know, I bet Luigi could get away with pretty much anything with how everyone looks down on him.”

“I dont think he could get way with murder now…” daisy replied amused.

“But he could though. He could walk into the guard tower covered in blood with the dead body and they wouldn't believe he did it. They would think he was faking it. That it is a prank. Afterall, if Luigi is supposedly afraid of his own shadow, then how would he be brave enough to kill?” Peasley snarked back.

Luigi lifted his head up and glanced behind himself at Peasley. “Maybe. Maybe not. Guess we’ll never know.”

“Well, I bet you 2,000 coins he could.” Peasley boasted to Daisy.

“You’re on!” Daisy grinned.

Lugi rolled his eyes at their antics.

Now:

Luigi panted as he finally stopped. He was covered in red and his eyes looked manic. Waluigi was limp and looked like a thoroughly used pin cushion. He rubbed his face with a sigh, grabbed his bag and then Waluigi before dragging his body with him towards the nearest town to show the body to a Toad guard. How much chaos would it cause? Would they arrest him or accuse him of faking it all and send him away for wasting their time? Only one way to find out.

With Peasley and Daisy:

Peasly groaned in boredom as he spun his chair around and around. He was sooo bored. Luigi has been gone for hours, and Daisy was too busy drawing out stupid costume ideas to entertain him. Daisy has a huge board up on the wall with so many costume designs on it. She was really into the idea of going villain should Luigi finally snap. It was only a matter of time seeing he is sleep deprived after all. And as Luigi’s best gal friend it was her duty to help him out.

Daisy put his pencil down and looked up from his newest sketch with annoyance “Would you quit that? I’m trying to work here!”

Peasly sat up from his slouching position and growled “Oh I'm sorry, but I'm sooo bored. What's taking him so long? It shouldn't take this long to get some freaking beans from my kingdom.”

“I'm sure he’s fine. You know how he gets when he’s sleep deprived.” Daisy placated as she went back to sketching out her villain custom prototype 34b.

“I know but still…. What do you think is holding him back? You don't think he got caught up in a fight or anything?” Peasley asked.

Daisy laughed, “I hope not. I don't think Luigi would let them live if they antagonize him before he gets some caffeine in his system. Poor Mario doesnt know what's coming his way for hiding all the caffeine.”

“Yeah… if someone hid my beans I’d probably kill them.” Peasley agreed.

Right about then unexpected visitors showed up; King Boo, Dimentio, Fawful, and Antasma.

“Luigi! We are here to-” Dimentio declared dramatically only for Peasley to interrupt him.

“Sorry, Lugi isnt here at the moment. Please leave a message after the dead inside sigh.” Peasley deadpanned before letting out a slow miserable sigh.

Daisy responded by looking up and throwing a wad of paper at the green prince.

“Ow! What the heck, Daisy?!” Peasley pouted.

“I told you to stop sighing!” Daisy gritted through her teeth. She then looked at the villains and said, “Luigi isn't here.”

“Yeah, he left hours ago to get some beans because he hasn't slept in weeks and Mario just had to hide all of the beans here because he ‘cares’ and doesn't want Luigi to drink too much caffeine even though it's like a lifeline at this point and Luigi is this close to killing someone if he doesnt get some fucking caffine. But nooooo, he has to travel all the way to bean kingdom to get some and he should have been back hours ago. Which means someone must have run into him and I hope they didn't annoy him because he has no patience and is liable to stab someone if they even as much as look at him wrong. I almost feel bad for Mario when Luigi gets his hands on him for hiding all his beans. Seriously. Luigi is too tired to fake kindness and patience. He is just one push away from releasing 30 plus years of rage and anger and I fear for the person on the receiving end of that impending emotional explosion bound to happen.” Peasley fumed.

“I doubt he’ll actually kill someone. Maybe severely maim them. As much as he wants to stab someone, he knows better than to kill when he won't be able to cover it up." Daisy scoffed.

“Luigi could so get away with murder! Everyone underestimates him to the point that they wouldn't believe him to be the culprit.” Peasley argued.

“I don't really think so. The mushroom kingdom may be dumb but i doubt they are that dumb.`` Daisy debated.

“Mario and the others couldn't even tell that Bowsette was Bowser. That Mr. L was a brainwashed Luigi despite the fact that he literally had a hat with a backwards L on it! He didn't even hide his mustache or change his voice! Face it, those braindead idiots wouldn't suspect Luigi if he killed someone in front of them. It’s like they are all inbred or something.” Peasley pointed out.

“Well, most of the toads are married to 2nd or 3rd cousins…” Daisy considered.

“That explains so much. Do you think Mario was dropped on his head one too many times?” Peasley wondered. 

“Maybe he just got all the brawn and charm while Luigi got the brains.” Daisy suggested.

A loud slam came from the front door and Luigi stormed into the room covered in blood dragging a dead Waluigi behind him. “Apparently walking into a guard house like this isnt enough reason to be arrested in the Mushroom kingdom. They freaking accused me of playing dressup and told me to stop wasting their time. I have lost all faith in Peach’s forces if they are this dumb. At least I got my beans. And Walugi finally shut up and cant annoy me. Although now I need a dead animal to bury above his body so when they come looking for it they find the animal and don't dig further to find him. I’d burn him if he wasn’t so skinny. Fat bodies burn way easier after all. Peasley, do you know where I can find a dead animal and a shovel?”

“Damn it, Luigi.” Daisy  yelled as she threw a giant coin bag at Peasley who fistbumped the air.

“Thanks for earning me 2,000 coins! Now I can buy more knives!” Peasley cheered. “The shovel should be outside near the shed. Oh, and I’m sure you’ll find an animal to kill somewhere out there.”

“You just couldn’t rein in your anger a bit longer, huh?” Daisy sighed with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m sorry but I havent sleep in weeks and all i want is some fucking caffiene and Waluigi was in the way of me getting home to drink some! He just wouldn't shut up! Do you know how exhausting it is to not snap at people all the time? To not just set someone on fire or stab them when they mock me? I’m too fucking tired to be patient with people’s bullshit. I told him. I freaking warned him that I was not in the mood but he just had to push me. He had it coming. He was asking for it. Besides, it felt great to let all that anger out.” Luigi said with a manic smile as he dropped the knife and let go of Waluigi’s arm he was holding.

“Yeah, well, that's what happens when you let 30 plus years of anger and resentment build up. You tend to snap. Also, I hate to ruin your moment of clarity but if you haven't noticed, there are villains in here.” Daisy scolded.

Luigi blinked a few times and glanced at the 4 villains as if he just now realized they were there.

“Oh… I’m too tired to deal with this. Make Mario deal with whatever evil schemes they have. He’s the hero after all. I’m just his worthless brother who ‘can't do anything’.” Luigi scoffed as made quotation marks with his hands. “Besides, the bastard hid all my beans. I hope his week is miserable. Teach him not to mess with a guy’s caffeine. And was it always so bright in here? Seriously though. I’m too tired to care about the fate of the world. Let the world burn. I’m too tired to give a fuck about it. I need some beans. Damn Mario hiding all my caffeine.”

Lugi just stumped toward the room’s door to head towards the stairs and his bedroom.

‘Luigi, you cant just ignore them.” Peasley said amused as he leaned against his chair’s arm.

"Watch me! That's Future Luigi’s problem.” Luigi yelled. “I’m too tired to deal with all of this shit.”

“So you have said. Repeatedly.” Peasley sighed as Luigi disappeared. He then looked back at the Villains. “Yeah… he’s kind of in a ‘let the world burn’ mood right now. He’d probably not even try to stop you if you kidnapped Mario or attacked the Mushroom kingdom this week. And he’s liable to brutally murder anything that gets in the way of sleep and his beans these next 48 hours.”

“He needs a therapist.” Daisy sighed with exasperation.

“NO I DON’T!” Luigi could faintly be heard yelling from upstairs.

“How the fuck can he hear from up there?!” Peasley asked as he glanced up. “I swear he hears and sees everything no matter where he is.”

Loud stomping and crashing noises come from above.

“Now he's just throwing a fit.” Daisy frowned like a disapproving mom. “I hope he's not breaking anything important up there.”

“He’s probably looking for that starbeans machine I gave him. Thank God. The sooner he gets some coffee in his system the sooner I don't have to worry about angering him. How the fuck is Mario not dead yet with how often Luigi gets annoyed with him?” Peasley said as he shuddered.

“An impossible amount of patience. And the few villain fights he gets to fight in probably helps. Taking out his frustrations in all the fights is probably what keeps him from losing his shit with Mario and his bullshit.” Daisy pointed out.

“Yeah, so come back later..? Preferably when Luigi’s first response to an annoyance or danger isn't to stab a thousand times or set it on fire?” Peasley told the villains.

“Yeah… a sadistic and slightly unhinged Luigi isn't something you want to fight. He isn't gonna defeat you and send you to a prison or whatever… he’s just gonna kill you.” Daisy mused. Then she looked thoughtful. “Say, Peasley. Should we just throw sleep deprived and caffeine denied Luigi at Bowser? Like, as much as Peach annoys me with how she's such a Mary Sue, I feel her pain with having to reject Bowser so many times because he won't take no for an answer. Plus it would be funny.”

“Yeah… no. Just put a power crown on Mario and call it quits.” Peasley responded. “Pffft, then Bowser would fixate on mari-nette. Mario-nette? Mari-sette? Mari-ette? Whatever the female name.”

“Anyways, bye. Come back when luigi isnt in murder mode.” Daisy sighed. “Whenever that is… damn Mario hiding all the beans. Is he out of his mind? He could have gotten us all killed. I swear…”

To be continued. . .

Bonus scene: 

Luigi finally came back down stairs 4 hours later completely content and no longer angry. As soon as he stepped through the false bookcase door into the hangout room he stopped short staring at the dead body.

“Oh… I forgot about that.” he said.

“... Seriously?!?!??!” Peasley yelled with exasperation as he launched out of his chair and threw his hands in the air.

“Hey, don't blame me, blame sleep deprived me. You know I’m not all there when I’m tired.”

Dont be afraid to send questions fr the characters

[https-sen]

Time.

welp, caffeine break it is. i hope you like the middle pic ;) enjoy dear reader! remember to stay hydrated <3 (Listen to "feelings are fatal" by mxmtoon while reading this :3 )

Pairings: Suna Rintarō x gn!reader

Genre: Angst (no happy ending ( >д<) )

note:[ALL genders (including males) are allowed to read my fics <3]

p.s youre an athlete, vv tall and you play soccer and basketball (the sports I play ′～‵)

* huff * * puff *

You sprinted like there was no tomorrow. You heard that he only dated you for attention and clout but you were too blinded by love to ever notice how he truly acts around you. The hood of your hoodie starting to fall of your head as you grasped on your backpack tightly. "Y/N!! Wait! Please!", you could hear Suna yell as he ran after you. Oh wait, shit, we havent done those classic flashbacks you see in a romance drama before ending with "To be Continued" yet huh? Let's go back then shall we?

........

"Rinrin, you just fucking stood me up for the 5 time this week! My phone battery died after waiting for you for an entire goddamn 4 hours."

You stood infront of your annoyed looking boyfriend. He glanced up quite a few times but rolled his eyes right after each scentence you ended. "Look just give me some time, I had other things to do.", stuffing his hands in the pockets of his jacket looking away. "I have given you time, 5 months even. C'mon you keep repeating the same thing all over. I have basketball and soccer practice too and I make room for your needs! I dont see whats so wrong-" "Of course you dont see it, you're just too laid-back and dense to ever care for something thats important to me at all. You're not even that good at them, thats why your coach lets you skip and you dont mind skipping practice. Honestly, I would'nt even be surprised if they give the captain title to someone else!", he scoffed as he glared, cutting you off. You were honestly hurt at that point, that your own boyfriend would actually say that without even looking sorry. Stooping down to his level, eye-ing him with a bitter look on your face, "Then if I'm not ever good enough at anything, then maybe I'm not ever gonna be good enough for our relationship, eh?" With wide eyes he (FINALLY) met your cold stare. "W-wait, you dont really mean that..? Maybe you should cool off and give me some time to-", he tries to hold your hand but his got slapped aside. His team members noticed your heated conversation and stood there staring in silence. "You've been given your precious "Time". Now if you'll excuse me I'll take my leave, later dipshit. See you, guys." Waving off to the team before dashing out the door.

........

And now we're here.

A desperate Suna who once used to be your boyfriend running after his S/O who was casually sprinting yelling "Wait!" like a mad-lad across the pavement. Not looking back you thought to yourself, "So its true huh.. Should've listened." before shutting the door once you reached your house that you ex-boyfriend pounded on throughout the night trying to get you to talk to him again.

i have never once writen angst in my life its just so cheesy to me so i tried it for fun lol anyways todays my birthday and less than 5 people remembered so it'll make me happy if you followed me, said hi or wished me a happy birthday (੭ ˃̶͈̀ ω ˂̶͈́)੭⁾⁾ pls gimme ideas in the asks im begging you im bored asf and im taking up requests for any genre (fluff and angst) ε=o(´ﾛ｀||)

[capriciouschocoberry]

He... had been listening to me cry for at least twenty minutes over the phone just now

[trashi-bee]

Unwind (Sam Kiszka)

Pairing: Producer! Reader x Sam Kiszka 

Warnings: 18+ (smut), oral (male receiving)

Lil Summary: You help Sam relieve a little tension after he reveals you’ve been putting too much pressure on him. 

Word Count: 1.9 k

This is my first FULL GVF fic so please show your girl a crumb of love xo       (p.s not even gonna lie to y’all.. this fic was inspired by this !! pic of lazy Sammy)

also!! big thanks to my luv @thewritingdoll for helping me with this, she also writes for gvf so pls read her stuff (if u havent.. idk why)

Taking yet another glance at your watch, you’re met with the realization that they’re late, again. Not just a few minutes late, but an entire half hour, an inconvenience you were willing to put up with a few times, but once it became a regular occurrence it was hard to hide your annoyance. When met with the offer to work alongside such a talented and upcoming group of musicians, you were undoubtedly ecstatic. The performances they put on and the heart they integrate into every song had you certain they’d be nothing but willing to work efficiently, capable of holding an organized schedule. Unfortunately, the frivolous attitude that allows them to put on a memorable show tends to carry into everyday life, it amazed you they could stay so carefree with so many deadlines fast on their way. 

Impatiently tapping your heeled foot against the floor, your head jerks upwards to the sound of a large door bursting open, strands of sunlight surrounding the figure entering the building, you’re soon to realize who it is; a groggy, bed-headed Sam. He staggers forward, eyes hidden by aviator sunglasses, a cup of coffee held low in his right hand. “Glad you could join me, have any idea on where the other’s are?”, cheekily pulling the frames from his face and setting his coffee upon the nearest surface, he looks towards you with amusement, trying to read your demeanor. “Not a clue, you okay y/n? Seems you’re having a bad day”. Scoffing at his concern, you place your hands upon your hips to display your irritation, staring in his direction and eyeing his carefree form, now slouched upon a plush couch placed against the wall. “Just a bit underwhelmed with how fucking relaxed you boys seem to be, considering how much work is yet to be done, and you-”, putting his hand up as to pause your impending rant, he interrupts you mid sentence, “come on now, relax a little, the best music is always made on a whim”. A fiery comeback well on it’s way, your face has surely contorted at his latest comment, the carefree allure he continues to flaunt provoking you further, as if he was pushing your buttons on purpose. “Honestly, Sam, I think you guys have had more than enough leisure time, and maybe you could try giving an ounce of effort for once. Knowing you’re one of the more focused in the group, perhaps you could get them to come a little earlier, or come at all.” 

Lifting from his placement on the couch, he saunters towards you, a smirk making it’s way onto his face as he was undoubtedly entertained after witnessing your childish tirade. Circling your form as a hawk circles their prey, unease bubbles within your stomach, spreading throughout your body and making it’s way into all of your extremities, have you been too harsh? Stopping directly in front of you, his face comes closer to yours, so close that you can smell the caffeine he’d just been sipping, on his breath. “That wasn't very nice of you, now was it?”, feeling like a small child being scorned by their parent, you shrivel up, this side of Sam never once been shown before. “Since we’re being so honest today, I ought to remind you of your boundaries, since you seem to be exaggerating your importance here”, with that remark you’re once again ready to sound off, opening your mouth to spout your anger. In an unexpected turn of events, Sam brings his hand forward, clasping his palm around your mouth, stifling your words and catching you off guard, he’d never been so.. bold. Sam was often off in another dimension, head in the clouds and so tranquil it was almost frightening, what allowed him to act so forward today? 

Mischief evident in his eyes, he scans the room, his gaze eventually falling back on you. Taking time to gather his thoughts, his mouth opens to speak, and then closes again, as if he was unsure of how to convey what was on his mind. Hand dropping from your face, he takes a step backwards, huffing before finally speaking, “Do you have any idea what it’s like to have you breathing down our necks at every waking hour, of every fucking day”, you’re unsure of how to answer, and reply by simply shaking your head. His newly brazen attitude was no longer making you hostile, the way he looks when irritated stimulating a primal desire within you. Although he continues to speak, voicing his various issues to you in an exasperated tone, you’ve zoned out. Instead, you focus on his surfacing veins, blood rushing through his body at an accelerated rate to accommodate his elevated heart rate, the artery in his neck now significantly prominent. The clenching of his fists and hasty movement of his heaving chest having a stimulant affect on your most sensitive region. 

Stopping in his tracks, you’re brought back to reality when his disposition alters, “Have you listened to a single word I’ve said-”, looking at you with confusion and bewilderment, he’s once again sporting a smirk on his face, as if he’s aware of something you’re not. “Are you really gonna stand there and act like you haven’t been rubbing your thighs together?”, heat rising to your cheeks, you come to the realization that he was right. Excuse after excuse rattled through your brain, quickly trying to come up with a feasible reason to cover up your embarrassingly blatant show of arousal, and yet nothing came from your mouth but a defeated sigh. Here you were, moments before, trying to teach him what it meant to be professional, and now you’ve lowered yourself to rubbing your thighs together in order to obtain just a little bit of friction to alleviate the heat between your legs brought on by Sam’s physique. 

In a sudden, the atmosphere in the room is altered, what was once a hostile environment now heavy in audacious intent. Lightly tapping his foot against the floor, he stops, an idea having come to him. Wiggling his brows, he voices an impressively smug idea “instead of using those lips to mouth off, how about you help me.. de-stress a little?”. Jaw now slack in surprise, you’re unsure of how to respond. One part of you slightly offended he'd propose something so vulgar, another very prominent portion of yourself wanting nothing more than to please him. Impulsively, you let your desires take reign, nodding your head in affirmation. Your lack of vocal discourse in the past few minutes was amusing to him. 

Once more, he unhurriedly steps in your direction, stopping only to brush his calloused thumb across your bottom lip, slightly dipping it into your wet mouth. His skin tastes bitter-sweet, lovely and rugged. Removing his digit from your tiers, he’s left to place his large hands upon your shoulders, applying a slight pressure, a silent gesture for you to drop to your knees. “You can still say no, baby”, he remarks, trying to make certain you didn’t feel pressured to perform. Looking up into his eyes, you slink to the ground, speaking only once your face is level with his evidently hardening package, “Shut up already and let me see it”. Surprised by your sudden change in attitude, he scoffs, taken aback by your rapid mood swings. Once again acting like a fool, he goes to unzip his tight trousers, “as you wish, m’lady”. At once, you place your hands upon his open jeans, pulling them until they fall around his ankles. The only thing now left between his hard length and your mouth, a measly pair of boxers, which you discard just as quick. 

Taking a few glorious moments to inspect his tall-standing cock, your mouth involuntarily falls open. Not once had you thought to describe a dick as beautiful, until this very instance. A few veins are visible, running along his shaft, and a trace of pre-cum spills from his defined tip. Your shaky hand goes to grasp it, landing upon it’s base. The slight touch of your skin to his makes him shiver, you pump your palm around his girth a few times before guiding it to your open mouth, relishing in the taste of him. You look upwards to view his face once his entire cock has filled your mouth, and hazily smile around it. Lacing his hands through your hair, he slowly inches you to take more, something you weren't aware was possible. 

“God, you look so cute when you’re not complaining”, he half compliments, making you furrow your brows. Releasing your mouth from his base, he lets you regain your breath, all the while removing his hands from your head… a mistake on his part. Although you wanted to please him, you simultaneously wanted to drive him crazy, as a result of his immature attitude. 

Entirely switching up the soft tempo that you had started with, you return back to his length with vigor, tightly taking hold of his cock and pumping it at an accelerated pace. Eyes seemingly bulging from his sockets, a soft groan leaves his mouth, making you more than happy. Using every trick in the book, you raise his dick, your tongue quick to play with his balls and lick a wet stripe up the bottom of his cock, something he seems to enjoy as his fists are visibly balled by his sides. Once again taking him into your mouth, you're eager to drive him further off the edge, keeping up your unrelenting speed, you cover him in warm saliva, while simultaneously jacking off the only unreachable, visible part of his base with your hand. 

Now even louder than before, whimper after whine can be heard from his heavenly body, a sign that he’s even closer to reaching pure ecstasy, a state you were more than eager to see him in. Wet, lewd noises are audible throughout the room as a result of your sultry attack. “Y-you should maybe slow down a little-”, he stutters, a poor attempt to stop you from pulling a frenzied orgasm from him. Pulling from his length for a split second, you sternly voice “no.”, and quickly resume where you had left off. Knowing he had no choice but to enjoy your intemperate rhythm, he drops his head back, placing his hand on the back of your head to control you for the few last moments. His abdomen tensing and his body shaking, he lets out a divine groan, holding you on the base of his cock for a few seconds to allow for his seed to fill your throat. Gagging slightly, you happily swallow it all, taking every ounce of cum he delivers on your tongue. With a pop, his cock slides out of your mouth, the pair of you taking a second to catch your breath. 

Startling you in a moment of vulnerability, you hear a slow clap coming from the opposite side of the room. “FANTASTIC performance! An unexpected twist to an otherwise mundane evening”, without moving to view who had spoken, you’re undoubtedly aware it was Josh. slowly and painfully turning to look in his direction, you’re met with the realization that he had entered with Jake and Danny as well, who were both wide eyed in disbelief. Today’s session was bound to be... interesting. 

[sherlockfanficwriting]

Sherlock BBC Lestrade              “She’s Gone”

Summary - Working at Scotland Yard was the best thing that happened to you. The cases, the city, the clues, you live for it all as you compete with your intelligence against your brother, Sherlock. You have been friends with Greg Lestrade for a few weeks, and you enjoy his presence and personality dearly. You pick up on a dangerous case that leaves you vulnerable. Who will come to your rescue? 

Warnings - violence

A/N - Hello everyone! It feels like I haven’t written a story in months....honestly i havent. I won’t say the i was busy excuse. I definitely was sometimes, but i like to relax and chill. I hope you are all staying safe at home and relax and stay healthy and happy and please take breaks and chill online and read some fanfics! I have online school and it honestly is like summer...the weather is getting better, skies are blue. I can study and workout when i want, but i do miss my sports, but not school. I am living this to the fullest! Angst is my specialty, so enjoy this one :) 

You sprinted across the street as quickly as you could in heels. An energy drink in a slim can dangled from your fingers as you walked up the steps to Scotland Yard. You moved swiftly between the people coming and leaving through the doors. It was the second time you were late to this job, and you had only been here for no more than a couple months. You were notorious for low energy in the morning and couldn’t get yourself up from bed when it was time. As you walked up the steps you ran your free hand through your hair, smoothing it out. You checked your blazer, noticing that next to it was a red drop on your white shirt from the drink. You sighed and tried to cover it with your blazer. You walked down the hallway leading to your office. You kept your head down as you passed your boss’s office, hoping he wouldn’t notice your lateness. 

“(Y/N)?” Lestrade called. 

You stopped in front of his door and smiled at him kindly, trying to look sincere. You took a step into his office. 

“I’m so sorry I’m late. It won’t happen again. Did I mi-.”

He cut you off and asked, “What are you drinking?” He pointed at the energy drink in your hand. 

“Oh, nothing. Just a..drink.” 

“You shouldn’t drink that. They are terrible for you. I worry about you.” His eyes hung low and his voice was soft. You appreciated this from him, but you knew nothing was going to stop you from drinking them. 

“Right. I won’t anymore. Again, I’m very sorry.” 

He shifted in his chair. “You’re only ten minutes late. You’re completely fine, dear. I don’t want you all hung up over that. You’re my best person here. Don’t worry.” 

You blushed. “Thank you. Really.” 

Ring

Lestrade jumped in his chair to the sound of his phone abruptly ringing. You smiled at him again and slowly stepped out of his office to walk to yours. 

“(Y/N)” Lestrade called for you. You hinted a sense of urgency in his voice. 

You stopped again and ran to the door. 

“Yes?” 

“Case. A good one.” He arose from his chair and jogged out of the room, softly grabbing your arm to go. You ran with him, nearly tripping down the steps with your shoes. As you dashed out of the front door, you took a last swig of your drink then threw it in a nearby trash. You hopped into Lestrade’s car and he sped away into the inner city. 

You tensely sat, awaiting the case. He gripped the wheel hard and his eyes were focused. His legs never moved and he kept the speed climbing. He was nervous. From your experience of working with him you learned that this happened easily and it would only get worse. Without any hesitation you placed your hand on his right leg and lightly squeezed it. You felt his whole body relax as the car slowed into a steady state. You took your hand away and didn’t say anything. Neither did him. 

After six minutes of riding through the city, he stopped his car in front of a series of narrow brick townhouses. A few police cars were parked near the curb. Lestrade parked behind one. You hopped out of the car and took his side, walking to a particularly narrower townhouse. He opened the door to a few other police displaying tape and signs over the room. You were now in your most comfortable state. By the smell of the house, you knew exactly what happened here. 

“Who was stabbed?” You asked. 

Lestrade whips his head toward you, raising an eyebrow, smiling. “Just like your brother, aren’t you?”

“Except I’m greater than her.” 

You noticed your brother’s voice a few feet away. He stood next to the body on the floor, his eyes darting left to right. John stood behind him, inspecting the floor. 

“Why is he here?” You asked. 

“Excuse you. Why did you bring her, Lestrade? This is easy enough for me. She’s useless.” 

“Sherlock!” John called out, hitting his arm. 

Lestrade stood in front of him. “Sherlock, would you just....don't worry about it. We are here for solving crimes, correct?” 

“Okay. So, why is she here?” 

Lestrade sighed and stepped away, dialing a number. You stepped up to Sherlock and looked him in the eyes. 

“I know everything. I know who did it. I know how it was done.” 

“So do I.” He replied. 

“Oh, yeah? How did he die?” 

He scoffed. “I’m not telling you.”

“You don’t know it. You’re lying.” You looked at the body again. You knew you had it, like you always did. You saw Lestrade hang up his phone. You looked at him until he noticed you. He did and walked closer to you. 

“Did you figure it out?” He asked. 

“I did.” 

Sherlock rolled his eyes. “Let’s hear this one.” 

“Stabbed four times. Each in the same area. Stabbed by a family member. He tried to fight back, but he couldn’t. He was stronger, but the weapon was greater. He was killed by his family member, bloodline. More specifically, a brother.” 

“I knew that,” Sherlock said. 

“I’m sure you did!” You said. 

Lestrade stood and stared at you. “10/10. You’ll have to tell me how you do that. Exactly why you’re my favorite.” 

“Yes, I’m sure that’s the only reason,” said Sherlock, walking around the room. You rolled your eyes at him. It wasn’t a surprise to you, but you noticed a crimson red blush form on Lestrade’s face. 

“It’s a pleasure to be. I suppose I can tell you some things about it.” You said to Lestrade. 

“Oh yeah? What kind of things?” Your brother called out. You sighed. There was no point in competing with this part of him. He knew everything and would exploit it to ensure embarrassment. You took Lestrade’s arm and walked out of the building. 

“Let’s get out of here,” you said, walking toward his car. 

“Do you want to go to Scotland Yard? There wouldn’t be much for you to do there. You were perfect again here. Really, I’m so glad to have you. Not just for helping solve these.” 

You smiled at him to which he returned it. 

“You look tired. Are you getting enough sleep?” He asked. 

“Am I?” You weren’t sure. Wait, yes you were. You suddenly remembered how tired you were. Endless nights reading, thinking, pestering Sherlock. It wasn’t always easy to sleep, especially when you had this job. But you liked it. 

“I don’t know. I hope you are. Are you?” 

You lightly pushed him. “You are such a nanny. I am. We should go back to the office.” You released a long-held yawn. The energy drink was not doing its job. 

Lestrade chuckled. “No, we are not. You are going home and resting.” He opened the passenger door for you and you fell right in. He joined you on the other side. 

“I’m really okay. Am I showing any hallucination signs or whatever? No, I am not.” 

Lestrade drove away to your apartment. “There will be more cases tomorrow I know you can’t wait to get your hands on.” 

You sunk deeper in your seat and closed your eyes. “You’re right. I can’t wait.” You mumbled. The smooth drag of the car on the road made you even more tired. 

“Sooner or later you’re going to have to tell me how you know all that information without even being in the house for more than a minute, well, actually less. I really want to know.” 

You let out a small laugh. “That’s how it always was. You take what you know and connect it, making a plausible yet true explanation. It comes easily.” 

He scoffed. “Of course it comes easily and to Sherlock too.” You felt his eyes on you and he said while laughing, “Does my car look like your bed? We’re almost there.” 

You shifted over. “It does. Very good resemblance.” Much to your liking, it was a very comfortable seat. 

The car slowed down to a stop and you reluctantly opened your eyes. Before you could get up, Lestrade was at your door side. He opened it and grabbed your arms, guiding you to stand. You forced yourself to keep your eyes open and you walked with a hand on him to your door. 

“Fun day today. I’ll see you tomorrow.” You remarked.

Greg took the key out of your hands and opened the door for you. “I’ll come up. You don’t think I would let you trip now do you?” He put a supportive hand around you, leading you up the steps. He opened your door, making sure you didn’t stumble down yet. As soon as you saw your bed you collapsed right in, sleep overcoming your body. 

Greg unfolded a blanket and spread it on top of you. He stepped back to look at you, quietly asleep. You were so peaceful. He worried about your habits - not sleeping, caffeine drinks he couldn't ever drink in a lifetime. As soon as you started working with him, he couldn't ever stop thinking about you. You had the mindset of a risk-taker. You could never not live in a dangerous environment, and he knew that. He fell in love with your attitude and intelligence, your motives and charm. You lived precariously. Every case he had, he always counted on you. He was shy but it was almost as if you broke him out of your shell without even knowing...well he did doubt that. You knew everything, and with good reason. He only wanted you to be safe and protected. 

Greg walked to the door and locked it, walking down the steps to the bumbling city. A wide smile filled his face and only one thing was on his mind. 

-----------------------

You awoke to your peaceful alarm eagerly waking you up to start the day. You yawned and stretched your arms and swung your legs over the side of the bed. You noticed you were wearing yesterday’s clothes and the events of yesterday were finally remembered in your head. 

Greg

You shook your head and walked to the bathroom. You knew it all, how couldn’t you? Perhaps it was the first day you started working with him, as soon as he dropped a stack of papers when he saw you. That was when you really knew. It wasn’t without saying the feeling wasn’t mutual. It was. You just never showed yourself as lovestruck as he did. 

You turned the water nozzle for boiling water and stepped into the shower, decompressing. Then you did all your other cleansing routines and picked a dark set of pants and a blazer to go with a beige blouse. As you bent down to grab your usual pair of heels you noticed something was missing on the nearby counter. 

The energy drinks 

Of course, he took them, but with good reason. You needed to get your schedule on check and this was the first step in doing so. He cared about you. Without eating anything, which was your second mistake, you frivolously opened your door and skipped down the steps to call for a cab. 

As the cab pulled up to Scotland Yard you gave the driver his money and hopped out. You skipped up the steps, eager to thank Greg and, really, to see him. You dodged the usual people by the door and as soon as you got past, you ran up the staircase. As soon as you by the door of his office, you peeped your head in and smiled at him. Surprised, he looked up and returned an endearing smile. 

“Thanks for last night. I wasn’t feeling the best.” You said. 

“It wasn’t any problem at all. I hope you got enough sleep. You did, right?” 

You laughed at his uptight behavior. It was almost like Sherlock’s whenever you lived on the dangerous side. 

“I did. I feel great.” 

“There’s a new case I wanted you to know about. I’m not on it, but there’s some form of terrorism in London. Nothing active, it's on the down-low, but someone was shot at. There are heads on the killers, but it’s part of a fascist group. A small one. They’re going to start slow, but we’re getting people ready.” 

Your eyes widened. This was exactly what you needed. 

“Who’s on it?” You asked. 

“Uh, Steve, James, I think down in that group. They’re talking about that now. You’re not thinking of....doing something?” He asked, concerningly. 

Your heart dropped but then quickly rose back up. “No. I just wanted to... talk. I’m curious. That’s all.” That was a lie. You could be an asset to this case, a huge one. You just couldn’t let him know yet. 

He eyed you suspiciously. “I’ll be here if you need anything. Just some paperwork for now.” 

You smiled and headed to your office. He knew you were up to something and you were. You opened your door and dropped your purse inside, keeping your cellphone. You walked down the staircase and across the lobby to find Steve and James talking with others. 

You knocked on the glass door, but then led yourself in. They turned their heads and looked at you with a warm smile. 

“(Y/N)! It’s good to see you!” Steve cried out. 

“Did you hear about the new shooting? I bet you did and that’s why you’re here right now.” 

You blushed embarrassingly. “I hate to say it, but you’re right. I can help. Bring me with you.” 

Steve looked to the rest of the group for approval. They seemed hesitant. 

“I think we can bring you. I think my boss will see you as an asset, but you have to get ready and follow our directions. We’re going to the place of the shooting. We have our suspects, but they are hiding, possibly ready to pounce again. A unit’s down there now and we are heading out now. We have to be careful. 

You nodded your head at them and waited. James threw you a vest that you quickly clicked on. You watched them stack in their weapons and guns and whatnot. Steve opened the back door to the outside. You walked behind the whole group who began filing inside a large van. Someone stood in front of the door and stopped you as soon as you were about to get in. 

He raised an eyebrow at you then looked at one of the men inside. 

“Top Detective. We need her.” One of them said. The man shrugged and let you inside. The van speedily drove off down the streets. 

The van slowed down in front of a tall building with alleyways surrounded by alleyways. You waited for the men to exit out as you followed behind. You had your plan. They shuffled inside and walked up steps, turning corners. You suspected it was a financial building. No workers were inside. Not exactly a bank, but something more. A perfect spot for a murder. Busier than ever to notice someone in the clusters of people. Before you knew it you walked inside a large glass office. Blood stained the carpet. Objects and papers were swung off the desk. 

You were in your natural habitat. You knew what happened. Who did it. Why. When exactly. It suddenly hit you hard. You turned your head to look in the hallway and other offices. You inhaled the air as your eyes darted left and right, inspecting everything. You soon came to the correct conclusion that someone, possibly others, were still here, lurking in the corners. You didn’t tell anyone. You couldn’t. You weren’t even supposed to be here. 

Quietly you stepped out of the office and pretended to be leisurely looking inside other offices and rooms. You suddenly remembered Greg. He probably found out you weren’t even there anymore, if not just finding out right now. You felt bad, but you couldn’t help it. This was a hot case. 

You began walking to where your mind let you. You didn’t think. You just walked and let it take over. 

After about five whole minutes, your body stopped. You stood in the center of a narrow hallway. You didn’t know where you were, you just walked where you took yourself, but this place wasn’t safe. You looked left and right and suspected you were at the lowest level. The basement, or even lower. But you knew danger was nearby. You twisted your body and began walking around, looking for stairs or a door when suddenly you heard footsteps. You turned your head around, beginning to panic. You were nothing. You weren’t armed. All these thoughts flashed through your head. 

You heard more footsteps. You began walking left and right, looking for the footsteps. Then you stopped. There you saw him. A tall figure dressed all in dark clothes wearing a white bandana. You felt your heart beat harder by the second. You slowly backed up and began running but you ran into yet another clone of the man you just saw. You knew they were part of the group. How did they dodge security? 

You quickly looked up at him and into his eyes and screamed. Just pure terror. Before you knew it you fell to the ground, succumbing to the man’s forceful punch. 

You did this to yourself. Your own passion for danger turned yourself into danger. You became what you loved most, a case. It was up the man Greg Lestrade to use what he knew to find you. But remember, the clock never stops ticking. 

[mspainttaz]

thank you to the magnus archives for filling my head with british accents and also michael’s voice to the point that as i spent an hour rambling about it to someone who had no idea what i was talking about i oscillated between the impressions that went with the words i was saying? because i stored it in my brain with the accents attached and also said “the magnus archives is a podcast distributed by...” several times for no good reason except to help get my brain back on track. anyway i havent even finished the podcast yet because getting me to finish a podcast is worse than pulling teeth because my attention span Doesnt Do that and i only finished balance (static noises) ago, thats how bad it is. but despite this im still looking up the plans for the prison Smirke built that the magnus institute’s location is based on for drawing reference and thinking about parallels between frankenstein/frankensteins monster and michael shelly/gertrude which may be an actual dot im connecting and may be complete garbage that im trying to make work because of the sawbones podcast episode about dr dipple who may or may not have been part of mary shelley’s inspiration for Frankenstein. yes i drank caffeine today and yes i drew red eyeliner under my eyes for the sake of Why Not so that i would have proper vibes to stay up late and think about podcasts that i want to write and draw for but will probably play tetris instead of translating my thots to projects. oh look green paint i forgot i left in my desk. what an unrelated but wholly distracting distraction.anyway this is my tma post hope you’all liked it. 

[shytiff]

Apr 2021 Wins

Started typing this on 4th apr lmaooo

1 - went to mcd. bought chicken + rice with the app promo. there’s a staff helping me on the order machine lol i feel badd there’s no need to do thatt. ate my lunchmade by mom at mcd’s muschola and went to sbux bcs its tumbler day. green tea latte w skim milk as usual. sent dr triya’s translation. ecmocard. started rereading goong (AGAIN. i probably have read it like 3 times minimum). still bring some feels

2 - its holiday today. spent almost the whole daylight rereading goong (turns out its pronounce ‘gung’ not ‘gong’ lol ive been wrong all this time) and finished it. the scene where they stare at each other, separated by the castle door, always gets me. got the old ipad charged (the screen are like 30% close to detaching and falling apart) and started AOT

3 - spent the whole day reading AOT. i like it when i have mini purposes in life (eg: finishing a manga series). AOT rly talks a lot about what do you want to do in life, the consequences of your choices and how you have to live with it. i felt triggered in a good way. the characters dont rly judge other’s choices, but they question them. discuss about it. give you some moral push. second gladi today. my vbg was still filpped hhhh. read aot until i felt sleepy and fell asleep. woke up very near subuh and prayed isya. my toxic trait is the horrible self care (and im talking bare minimum lol hehe lmao)

4 - finished aot. Asked irun about some aot explanations and she sent 5 paragraphs in one bubble. Slept. Flavola, kopsus coklat and somay. Also ate japota honey butter. Did 1 long input of ecmocard. Followed baepsae choreo. Moved my body a bit. Wow im not immediately sleeping. Amazing

5 - arrived at harkit 11-ish and went back about 1pm loll. super hungry when im arriving in kalideres. bought tahu colek worth 3000 (i wonder how the seller hears me through my 2 layers of mask), roti sisir and some ice cream in alfamidi. my fitlife protein powder ran out again. its my 2nd already. did some ecmocard, wasted my time after maghrib

6 - woke up late. did not have the mental strength to go to harkit so i decided to just stay home. bought sbux 1L green tea and macchiato. wasted the daylight and finally did some ecmocard in the evening,,,,

7 - off to harkit 7.30-ish pm in the rain. Took some data for ecmocard. Went to salemba to get tabung and surat bebas pustaka. Had breakfast slash lunch first, tried guudfuud (red rice, beef and omega egg). I like that the rice was not too much. Met up w ness ren and talked about isip dilemmas at sky. Afterwards went to flavola. Ordered mie rebus and roasted milk tea cause i somehow feel sooo hungry and in need of calories. It tasted so good, i was sitting in my usual seat facing the window, and the sky was a mixture of blue and grey. Brought croissant and sakura pocky at indomart. Ate the bread immediately after indomie. Went back home. Juan brought tahu gejrot that was delicious and crunchy. Internship files briefing by akis. Fell asleep

8 - woke up. Saw that dr retha was up for interview. Panicked. Thankfully it was at 12. I left home at 9:40 ish and arrived 11:50. Its a long ass way. Turns out i was interviewed with ka agassi. The doctors are so kind. They explained the gist of anesthesiology profession, and how its a choice you make, and its okay as long as you like what you do. Tried halo bowl for lunch. Sous vide chicken, rice, caesar sauce, beef bacon, and the deliciouss butter broccoli. Went back to kalideres and to starbucks. I only spent <2 hrs in there (a waste of money, i know). Bought decaf hazelnut latte (apparently the beans were kenyan something? Medium?) and butter croissant (need to cushion my stomach). Did GCP certification and sent it to the ever so kind mba Ai. Still got energy from the caffeine, did some ecmocard, read quran, read.... Toji fanfic 🤦‍♀️

9 - went to rsf w mom. We took the wrong way and had to take the long way but thank god theres still time to spare. Met dr rara. Some briefing. Went to rscm w agassi, submitted files for ijazah, went back to RSF. Girlll the cost of transport. MRT: 12K. Grab: 16-17k. Thats one way trip. Bought food at rsf canteen. Eocru briefing by the research coordinator. Ward tour w dr retha. Snacked on ovaltine provided by mba ai. Went home after maghrib by tj. Liqo along the way. Glad bersih (came late). Drank macchiato for some strength but still fell asleep quickly.i shouldnt have laid down

10 - kebakaran jenggot in the morning due to green screen positioning. Finally got the appropriate setup (after many fabric tries and cutting my mukena) at 08:30. Finished showering 08:45. Zoom was opened at 9 lmao. Somehow finished before 09:30. Zoompah w mom and dad along side me. After its ovee, some "photoshoot" w fam. At this point i was truly rly sleepy. Took of my makeup. Changed my clothes. And then racil silv dev showed up lol. I got gifts c: and then atikah came. And then i redid my makeup, this time with the help of friends to create fantastic eye make up look (which i can never pull off). Eyebrows by sil, eyeshadow and liner by cheldev lol. Took some photos. Dajen came. Talked. Videocalled w pupuy. A surprise gift from fianti came. And then chel dajen went back at 8. Still cant sleep. Slept at like 11-12

11 - lazed. Woke up, ate pizza (mom bought 2 of phd's 1m pizza) and bakwan, slept again. Matcha latte and ecmocard. Watched a bit of 2nd sinau

12 - off to rsf at 06:20. Arrived 07:15 ish. Lunch was ayam penyet accompanied by snacks that mba ai bought. Off to harkit at 14:05 (bcs my laptop somehow shut down and i lost all the unsubmitted data). And then off to kalideres at 15:30 ish to meet up w clara and search for clothes for almira's wedding. Went to lippo bcs clar saw this dress that kinda looks like the brokat given. We ate at ramen ya. It doesnt rly make you feel full, the filliny sensation was kinda like indomie. Saw that the dress looked different. Ate 1 boba pancake together at banban. Continued on to the tailor in kebon jeruk. The location was in an alley, and it was raining lol. Quoting clara: "the unnecessary struggles". The tailor was quite helpful (and she looks experienced). Arrived at clara's at 8 ish. Picked up by mom with car (it was raining) and arrived at abt 9. Hurriedly showered and tarawih and tidied up AND ITS ONLY 09:45. Its crazy how efficient one use time (and at the same time, how wasteful one can be)

13 - first day of fasting. The morning was spent taking samples. I stupidly took a sample thats not yet labeled im sorry :(((( i felt kinda tired and wanted to give up this. Give up anesthesia. Went back home at 14:00 and its cloudy. The bus was the nicer types and it was COLD. Read quran along the way. Picked up by juan. Opened laptop. And then its iftar time. I was sooo sleey and the tarawih was so long thst i closed my eyes along the way. Fianti called after tarawih, we talked til abt 21:30. And then i fell asleep

14 - went to rscm. Submitted serkom files. Met dr dyah and i hope we could somehow meet her again if we study in fkui again aamiin. Went to rsf by mrt. Arrived in lebak bulus just before it was raining. The bus took a while to arrive (usually theyre there, waiting). Its still raining like crazy so i took grabcar to AR from pesakih (39k). Played with my phone til iftar. Played phone again after tarawih and fell asleep

15 - i felt rlyy lazy and cant bring myself to wake up. Off to rsf at 07:15. There were coordinator ppl. Took sample. It was raining when i went back but i took grabbike from kalideres. Wasted my time and did not do ecmocard

16 - sampling. Snacked on keripik pisang at the room. Went back early at 13:15 ish. Picked up by juan. Sleeeept (and this is before the nightmareish mistake began)

17 - i did a mistake by telling dr retha (who took the sample today) the wrong patient (it switched in my unreliable memory. I feel terrible. Thank god shes quite chill abt it (?). Read jujutsu kaiseeen. Went to flavola. Did 1 ecmocard. Went to bandar jakarta baywalk by motorbike. Spent 135k and was quite full with many varieties. Arrived home at about 20:50. Turns out juan also had bukber with his friends. Phone call with fiiii, talked abt dimrob

18 - lazed all day, read jjk, finished my part of ecmocard (gave genky to ekal cause i was a dumbass at getting data). Ate mom's mentai rice, siomay. Drank green tea latte. Read jjk til 145 (mentok) at night. Proceeds to consume all things jjk lmaoo

19 - we took sooo long to get samples. Finished at 13:00. Went to rm with dr rara. Went back home. Watched the third sinau. Read the IMMACULATE jjk fics by celestialmechanics im IN LOVEEEE with the way s/he writes ughhhh

20 - samples took faster than usual. Mba ai did not came today. Went to RM and did some work there. Off to AR by 15:00. Arrived close to maghrib. Did not do any work afterwards lmao. Did not even wash my face

21 - magang as usual. Note to self: sit on the right side of the bus. Did nothing yesterday. Felt like shit after tarawih (but i showered before maghrib!!)

22 - todays problem was the swab sample not being there even though the staff allegedly already took it. Huft. Took a shower and out on vitacid (i cant remember the kast time i put on vitacid 😳 its probably been... a week or two?

23 - samples finished quite quickly. Already going home at 12. Lazedddd and lazed and lazed. Waited for emir to pick me up so i went to dm. Read an immaculate itadori x megumi fix thats just full of feels. Started demon slayer lets see

24 - literally just laid in bed reading manga and seeing tiktok and slept again and suddenly its 1 am. Showered. Still in a lazy mode. Havent begun clires work. Watched leah's vlog that said "go do things youve been putting off!". Finally finished the third and last video of Sinau Yuk ICU class with dr. Zeta, SpAn lolll even though the actual last class was on 7th apr. iftar was fish and chips and salad yuum

25 - woke up at like 1am since i slept too much yesterday. Ate tan ek tjoan bread and drank sbux matcha latte. Did some intern work. Read a bit of quran. Sahur. Cant even sleep again so i showered. Off with mom and dad (09:30) since dad’s going to get vaccinated at skk migas. Mom drove me to ara’s place (11:00). Talked a bit and even read quran again there. Off to GI (13:00) to meet up w regen. Walked around. Bought a discounted TBS green tea facial wash. Went back home by TJ (16:00). the bus station is a bit closer now. Arrived home close to maghrib (17:30). hurriedly showered and went to sleep (properly) after tarawih. A good good sleep since i got 9400 steps today and that tired me out lmaooo (bare minimum yall, i know). 

26 - woke up still sleepy. Slept again after iftar and woke up at 07:30. Skipped shower and off to RSF lmao. Went to medical record. Walked to the front of RSF originally planning to go to lebak bulus by angkot but i saw none. So i went through mrt instead. Stopped by at kebon jeruk and walked 800 meter (that tireeed me and made me feel parched under the sun) to risma busana for clothes fitting. Took gojek to jembatan gantung (turns out the closer halte to flyover was taman kota). Iftar was chicken noodle and risol and banana and i felt fullll and i slept

27 - today is off day since im alternating with agassi. read quran. watched shadow and bone (with 1,5x speed except for kanej and matthias nina scenes). didnt rly do any magang work except the table asked by dr retha. i feel like usually im operating on 70%. sleeping more doesnt rly add that. i need caffeine or physical activity. before i know it, its close to iftar.

28 - i ((felt)) like i had a decent amount of energy today. shouldve done some work between sahur and leaving the house but i ended up reading vampire knight lmaoooo the scenes had no business bringing so much butterflies. sampling together w agassi. mba ai didnt come in today. after agassi left did some magang work. i also went to RM to ask for more RM to bu dian. took angkot to lebak bulus for the first time. paid 5k. i had no idea which angkot went to lebak bulus and the driver (somehow knowing the right words to say) said “lebak bulus lebak bulus”. didnt read much quran on the way back. i just close my eyes and relaxed. felt kinda low on sugar. watched more shadow and bone on the way back and at home until close to iftar. didnt do anything after tarawih. slept hoping i woke up early (which i did, at 3am. but i slept again)

29 - im supposed to have ample energy but i just stuck around my bed until its time to get ready to go. read some kanej fic lol. I dont rly do anything productive after arriving home

30 - made intern log, magang as usual. Did not go to rm. Finished watching shadow and bone. Rested bcs tomorrow's saturdayyy

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

With All Your Heart - Part 5

When i woke up Bucky was gone, i looked at the clock and saw it was a little after 11am so he was probably down in the gym with Steve. I grabbed his t-shirt from the floor and quickly walked down the hall to my room to take a shower and make myself presentable. After my shower i pulled on some baby pink sweats and a black crop top, braided my hair and headed to the kitchen for some much needed caffeine.

"Good morning sunshine!" Tony beamed at me over his coffee cup.

"Morning, i cant believe i slept in this late!" I muttered grabbing a pre-prepared fruit bowl from the fridge.

"Well you'll be nice and rested before the gala tonight"

"The what?"

"The charity Gala, we hold it every year"

"Right! Shit i forgot that was tonight"

"Obviously" he rolled his eyes at me "you'll be there though, right?"

"Yeah of course" I nodded "I'm gonna head down to the gym for a bit. I'll see you later".

Walking into the gym most of the team were already there. Bucky looked up when i walked in, gave me a little smile and carried on with his weights.

"Shes alive, no one panic!" Nat said loudly with a huge grin on her face.

"Haha! Your funny Nat!" I walked over to her and started on my stretches "how was the rest of your night with those guys?"

"It was okay, they didn't stick around too long. Guess they realised we weren't gonna put out" she shrugged

"They seemed sleazy, thats why i said we were leaving. But noooo you guys wanted to stay, cant say i didn't try"

"Im sorry, next time i will listen to you" Nat laughed "so you ready for the Gala tonight? Another excuse for us to have a few too many drinks"

"I am now, i forgot all about it.... Tony just kindly reminded me.

"Why don't me and Wanda come to your room to get ready, we can have a couple of pre drinks and help each other get ready"

"Yeah sounds good to me, say 6pm?"

"Perfect! We might even find you a nice man at this thing. Unless you wanna go on your little app and find a date?"

"No not tonight, i just wanna hang out with you guys" i shrugged, casually looking over towards Bucky to see if he was listening or not..... he wasn't. He actually had headphones in and had his back to us. Steve was on the bench next to Bucky doing some weights and he turned and flashed me a smile.

"Right okay..... lets do this" i said to Nat taking up my stance infront of her "try not to bruise me too much, dont want people at this party thinking im being abused"

"I'll go easy on you this time and this time only. After today your mine!" She joked as she lunged towards me. We spent the next 45 minutes exchanging softs blows and various flips and tosses onto the mat.

Bucky still hadn't said a word to me yet, i had caught his eye a few times and waved but he flat out ignored me!! What the hell was going on?? I didn't dream it all i know that, i could still feel the tenderness from the huge cock that ruined me throughout the night.

Bucky was alone suddenly, Steve was no where in sight so i casually walked over to where Bucky was now working his legs.

"Hey Buck" i smiled, he looked up pulling out his headphones.

"What did you say?"

"I just said hey, havent had a chance to talk to you this morning"

"Yeah ive been busy, sorry"

"So last night was fun....." i stared to say, he was acting so weird this morning. His phone went off and he looked down at a message.

"Can we talk about this later, i've gotta go" he said standing up and grabbing his things.

"Sure" i nodded looking anywhere but at him, maybe last night was a huge mistake.

"Hey Nat, im gonna head back up thats it for me today" i called over to her.

"You okay? I didn't hurt you did i?"

"Im fine, just not feeling it".

I went back up to the shared kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water, Steve was stood making toast, using a whole loaf of bread by the looks of it.

"You hungry Steve?" I asked laughing a little at the mountain of bread in front him.

"Its not all for me" he laughed "i know as soon as i sit down you lot will be moaning that i never made you any"

"Awww thats so sweet" i teased him as i hugged him, Steve was good at giving hugs. We just stood there in each others arms for a bit while he waited for the next batch of toast to pop up.

"You okay?" Steve suddenly asked making me look up at him in confusion.

"Yeah im good, why?"

"I dont know, you seem a little off today"

"Nope im fine"

"You know ive learnt that when a woman says shes fine shes normally lying" he placed his hand on my cheek and looked at me "you can talk to me about anything, you know that right?"

"Honestly Steve im ok" i smiled, Steve was such a sweetheart "im gonna go sort out a dress for this stupid Gala tonight" i said turning to grab a slice of toast. As i turned to leave i was met by a pissed off looking Bucky standing there staring at me and Steve.

"Oh hey Buck, I've made toast" Steve told his friend happily.

"Sergeant" i said casually as i walked past him, if he wanted to act like nothing happened then so would i.

As i walked into my room i slammed the door closed only to have it hit something hard.... Bucky!

He came in and closed the door staring at me "what the hell was that?" He asked

"What?"

"You and Steve!.... looked pretty cosy"

"Oh for crying out loud Buck, we're always like that! His my friend!"

"I don't like him touching whats mine"

"Oh I'm yours again now? Funny, you didn't even want to talk to me half hour ago. You leave me in your bed to wake up alone and then when i find you, you completely ignore me!! Way to make a girl feel special Buck"

"Its not like that! I left you to sleep because you didn't get much sleep last night"

"What about how you acted in the gym??"

"I didn't know how you wanted to play it in front of the others, we hadn't talked about that"

"So you just thought you'd ignore me altogether??"

"I didn't know if id be able to act like myself if you were that close to me and i couldn't have you.... couldn't touch you.."

"So.... your not regretting what happened...."

"Fuck no! Are you crazy?? Sweetheart last night was amazing! Ive wanted you for so long..... i never thought id be lucky enough to finally have you" he closed the gap between us taking my face in his hands "can you forgive me for being a idiot doll?"

"I suppose so..... just don't ignore me again!"

"Never" he smiled and leaned down to kiss me "and your mine?"

"I don't know about that Buck you might have to remind me...." i was cut off when he lifted me up and threw me onto my bed "i'll remind you don't you worry bout that.... you'll be screaming my name so loud the whole tower will know your mine".

Tagging: @siren-queen03

[dcrlingcvllie-blog]

danielle rose russell   /   cis female     🎄     christmas  spirit  welcomes  calliope ‘ callie ‘  meadows  to  the  magical  town  of  perston  .  the twenty  year  old waitress  has  lived  here  for  half  of  her life  and  is curious  about  the  holiday  calendar .  their  conscientious  &   persistent  character  is  why  she  is  on  santa’s  nice  list  ,  but  their  abrasive  &  hardheaded tendencies  could  land  them  on  the  naughty  if  they’re  not  careful  .     (   tess  ,  18  ,  she/her  ,  cst   ) 

hi, i’m tess ! i’m a little hyperactive and hopped up on espresso and weed, but those two things combined make creativity so what can i say. i’ve brought in two babes, and this here is callie ! she’s a kind of mended broken vase, still trying it’s hardest to sit tall. that’s pretty much her in a nutshell. this is a short summary, but i have plenty of hcs for her and i’d love to get some plots going !

callie meadows was born and raised in perston, virginia.  the small town life was everything to her parents, a retired lawyer and a librarian mother. they loved the quite life, the feel of home everywhere you looked. as a child, callie loved that life, too. she met with her friends everyday in the school yard, playing on the structures and running around the track. but that life grew boring, annoying in the least. she started getting frustrated with the cycle of her life, how the repetitive pattern seemed to have no end. she was ten the first time she got kicked out of class.

she was the youngest child of two, her older brother the golden child in the family ( wanted connection on the main). she envied him, but loved him to death.

at sixteen, after dropping dance lessons and meeting a boyfriend a bit too mature for her, she ran off to nashville, tennessee. her boyfriend fed her onto his pill addiction, sending her life into a downward spiral before she was even an adult.

the next four years callie spent jumping from couch to couch, finding dead end jobs that she kept for barely a month at a time. it was only when her boyfriend put his hands on her, that she started to see the hole she had dug for herself.

at nineteen, after getting kicked from her latest job and returning home to clenched fists and a pounding in her head, she ended it, called the cops right then and there, and removed herself entirely. she had gotten lucky — it wasn’t always so easy to leave that kind of situation.

her ex boyfriend was just sentenced a few months ago, and shorty after, callie moved back to perston. she found a decent job at a local diner, serving meals to sweet customers and working short shifts. it was a fresh start, and it’s exactly what she needed.

she’s now 6 months sober, but has replaced her pill addiction with a caffeine addiction, which seems easier to manage. she’s gotten her GED and is working on applying to some community colleges. finally, she’s getting her life together.  

personality

callie has changed a lot since the last time she was in perston. the once insufferable brat with a short fuse and a big mouth has become quieter, more careful with her words. each is accompanied by a smile now, rather than the former snarl.

she’s found a bit more pep in her step, offering service with a smile at work and waving to strangers on the street. she’s tried incredibly hard to get where she is today, and is proud of the progress she’s made. 

she sees moving back as a fresh start, ready to show others that she wants to know them, that the girl they met years ago is gone, kicked out, evicted.

wanted connections

old high school friends - she ran away in the middle of junior year, leaving a note for her family and hitting the road, but i’d love to see some of her old friends, from before she left ! maybe she’s kept in contact with them over the years ? maybe she cut off contact completely ? we could plot out dynamics and figure it all out !

new hookups - these would be random one night stands that callie found herself in, as a distraction to her other urges. it’s an easy relaxer, and it’s fun.

neighbors/roommates - i havent decided where callie lives just yet, but i’m up for plotting out roommates or neighbors in apartment buildings !

ride or die - this could be a new best friend or an old one, but this is someone callie has been able to put all her trust in, someone she’s told everything, even the dark and dirty, and vice versa ! just a good wholesome friendship !

possible love interests ? - there’d have to be chemistry, but i’m willing to plot anything

any other wanteds ! i’m going to try and make a page for these, but for now, these are my wanted connections !

[weirdstuff-blog]

Me and stephanie dancing up Christian

"ROB SIMS presents KellyMBentley.Com in 2008! "

Female 26 years old ATLANTA, Georgia United States

Last Login: 4/13/2008

I love models and everything to do with the glamour industry. I am seriously into photography. I love to dance and I am currently learning to sing. I am crazy in love with my American Pitt Bull Terrier "Layla" and I love spending time with her playing freesbee with her and my loving fiance Django. I love fast cars preferrably American Muscle. My favorite would be a Trans Am. Long live Cassondra

Music I love all types of music, but my favorite is Classic Rock including the Grateful Dead, Bob Dylan, Doors, Def Lepard, AC/DC, Primus, Nine Inch Nail all kinds of artists. I love dancing to hip-hop, but I really don’t have any favorites.

Movies I love chic flicks and cartoons. I’ve never really been a fan of horror flicks. My favs include Notebook, Ratatouille, Sweet Home Alabama, Youve Got Mail…you get where this is going.

Television I love reality shows. I was on the Coyote Ugly Reality Show but I hated it. My favorites shows include Pussycat dolls, ANTM, Ghost Hunters, Dirty Jobs, Rock of Love, Make me a Supermodel….well all of them except American Idol…hate that shit!!

Books I dont read anything but war books and Cosmopolitian magazine. Oh yea and the Bible of course. Heroes All of our American Military men and women especially those close to me….Andrew Goldman, Jason Edmondson, Chris Willis, and my sweet uncle Kurt. Love and appreciate you guys. If you have a friend or relative serving I send me their name and I will post it here to show my appreciation.

The Kelly M. Bentley ‘s Details

Status: In a Relationship Here for: Networking, Friends Orientation: Straight Hometown: Alabama Body type: Slim / Slender Ethnicity: White / Caucasian Zodiac Sign: Libra Smoke / Drink: No / No Education: College graduate Occupation: Model

The Kelly M. Bentley ‘s Schools Southern Union State Community College Wadley, AL Graduated: 2002 Student status: Alumni Degree: Associate’s Degree Major: Computer Science

2000 to 2002

The Kelly M. Bentley ‘s Companies NOPI Motorsports Atlanta, Georgia US Nopi Chic Model

Construction Cuties Atlanta, Georgia US

M Bentley Productions Atlanta, Georgia US

The Kelly M. Bentley is Taking Over the F*cking World!

The Kelly M. Bentley ‘s Latest Blog Entry [Subscribe to this Blog]

Rob Sims and Kelly Bentley 2008 (view more)

RIDE FOR LIFE…..Relay For Life Charity Event (view more)

Coyote Ugly Episode 5…Thank God its Over! (view more)

National Glamour Showcase Florida (view more)

Coyote Ugly Episode 4 (view more)

[View All Blog Entries]

The Kelly M. Bentley ‘s Blurbs About me: Its hard to describe myself because I am constantly changing. So to start, above all else, I am a bad ass bartender. I bartend at OPERA Nightclub here in Atlanta, Geogia. Its the biggest and hottest club in Atlanta. I also bartend at the Irish Bred Carrollton where I can fulfill my bar dancing passion to AC/DC, Buckcherry (Crazy biotch!), and Def Lepard. I love serving up cocktails with a little sassy shake some come by either place and check me out!!

Second, I am a model and one of the hottest female entrepreneurs on this planet. In modeling, I specialize in glamour, fitness, and promotional modeling. I always have something going on somewhere. I’m partnering up with NOPI as a NOPI CHIC for 2008. I love doing charity work so keep updated on my events and help us out. As an entrepreneur, I own half of a calendar production company with JM Polsfuss that is responsible for the hottest calendar coming out in 2009 Construction Cuties. Watch for it!! I also just teamed up with get this…yes…The Rob Sims….which we will have my website launched by the end of Spring to help heat up the summer for you. Also watch for all the magazine covers, layouts, spreads, etc. coming soon…I told you guys I’ll be taking over the WORLD!! Lastly, I am a regular girl that had a dream and am still forcing it to come true come hell or high water. I’m from a small town, but I’m working hard to fulfill my big city dreams as well as those of other girls who want to be models with MODELICIOUS. So if you want to try modeling, don’t listen to people when they tell you that you cant do it, they said I couldn’t, and I look at me…so don’t listen, contact me and lets see what we can do. I DONT DO ANYTHING FOR FREE….so don’t ask. I have a small network of professional models I use and promote because they have become friends. Don’t ask for my contacts, because I work hard in promoting and networking myself so why should I just hand over my hard work to you. If you want my network, you pay for my network.

THINGS YOU WOULDN’T GUESS ABOUT ME: No one would ever guess that I used to be in the Army National Guard. I used to be on Active Reserve as the RA for SFC Robert Cornett. I got out in 2005. I also used to wiegh 170 lbs. I gained a huge amount of weight when I quit drinking and smoking. Yea a lot of you thought it would never happen. I quit cold turkey and the turkey went to my ass. I lost 50 lbs. on the Subway diet. I was recently on the Coyote Ugly Reality Show on CMT and hated every minute. I also have a degree in Political Science and Computer Science with a minor in Military Science. Just some cool quirks about me. TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF – The Survey Name: Kelly M Bentley Birthday: October 7th Birthplace: Anniston, Alabama Current Location: Atlanta, Georgia Eye Color: Green Hair Color: Blonde/Brunette..hell I don’t know Height: 5’5" if I’d stand up straight Right Handed or Left Handed: Right Your Heritage: Irish/German &..39;The Shoes You Wore Today:’ My beloved flip flops Your Weakness: Your Fears: airplanes, elevators, and scurrying vermon Your Perfect Pizza: cheese/pepperoni without any sauce Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Be at 8% Body Fat by the end of the year Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: I dont even know how to set that shit up… Thoughts First Waking Up: What in the hell are the Backyardigans? Your Best Physical Feature: My big ghetto booty Your Bedtime: When ever my mind decides to quit thinking Your Most Missed Memory: No clue..too much memory lost Pepsi or Coke: Caffeine free coke MacDonalds or Burger King: both are some nasty shit…I dont put it in my body! Single or Group Dates: Cant remember my last date… Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: I don’t drink any tea Chocolate or Vanilla: Just hand over the chocolate and no one gets hurt Cappuccino or Coffee: Caffeine free Coffee Do you Smoke: hell no Do you Swear: I swear I cuss too much Do you Sing: Did you catch my show? Think I’ll stick to the shower. Do you Shower Daily: more than once Have you Been in Love: Only twice for sure Do you want to go to College: Been there done that Do you want to get Married: Umm….when I’m too old to know better Do you belive in yourself: more than anyother person besides Roy Do you get Motion Sickness: Do you think you are Attractive: No but others tend to disagree Are you a Health Freak: Absolutely Do you get along with your Parents: depends on the day of the week Do you like Thunderstorms: love them Do you play an Instrument: In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: don’t drink alcohol In the past month have you Smoked: I quit when I was 20 In the past month have you been on Drugs: hell no drugs are for weak people In the past month have you gone on a Date: I havent gone on a date in the past few years In the past month have you gone to a Mall: No..I hate the mall..I’m in need of another personal shopper In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: yea right…my trainer would shoot me In the past month have you eaten Sushi: I don’t eat fish In the past month have you been on Stage: too many times In the past month have you been Dumped: No In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: I wish In the past month have you Stolen Anything: No but someone stole two of my damned portfolios Ever been Drunk: Plastered on many occassions Ever been called a Tease: What girl hasnt Ever been Beaten up: No but I got launched off some steps one time Ever Shoplifted: no I only steal hearts How do you want to Die: at 200mph on the Autobahn What do you want to be when you Grow Up: I’m doing it but not grown up yet What country would you most like to Visit: Ireland In a Boy/Girl.. Favourite Eye Color: Any that don’t lie Favourite Hair Color: any that I can run my fingers through Short or Long Hair: either Height: all heights Weight: weight doesn’t matter Best Clothing Style: clothes dont make the man Number of Drugs I have taken: Don’t do drugs Number of CDs I own: not too many Number of Piercings: ears and belly button Number of Tattoos: 1 Number of things in my Past I Regret: only 1…if you know me you know what it is

CREATE YOUR OWN! – or – GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Myspace Layouts – Myspace Editor – Image Hosting

Who I’d like to meet: TO ALL MODELS AND PHOTOGRAPHERS: Now that I am partnered up with Robs Sims who is the most published photographer on the planet also owner of FitBeauties and FitModels International Magazines, photographer for Oxygen, MuscleMag, InStyle, American Curves, Maxim, FHM, Mens Health…okay I’m tired already. Too many to list. Google him for the rest…lol. Rob and I will be offering photoshoots to ambitious models with the guarantee to be published. Yes there is a catch. 1)like I said I don’t do anything for FREE 2) Neither does he 3) you have to be approved by me first. Sorry ladies…I have to be picky. Feel free to submit to me for shoots with Rob. I will be honest and give you feedback. WE ARE THE ONLY ONES THAT CAN GUARANTEE YOU PUBLICATION IN MAJOR MAGAZINES.

Posted by dcsmith2752002 on 2008-06-23 13:19:11

Tagged: , KELLY , M , BENTLEY , IN , ATLANTA , GA , NIGHT , LIFE , BASIC , BLACK , FORMAL-WEAR , AND , CASUAL , -WEAR , ATTIRES

The post Me and stephanie dancing up Christian appeared first on Good Info.

[indigo474]

99

Maybe an hour a day was too much to start? I have no problem mindlessly scrolling through instagram for an hour. No problem. Lets see where should i start. I invited Lying Linda to go roller skating with me on Sunday. She wants to be my friend. I just want someone to walk into the Palace with. I've been thinking a lot about addictions lately- probably because of a pod cast i listened to. I'm addicted to my phone. Practically anything can become an addiction. As far as I can tell there are 2 socially acceptable addictions- caffeine and over working. No one bats an eye about caffeine and those who work too much are praised. We all have our vices I suppose. Speaking of working too much- I'm thinking about working a lot in Oct- I really took it easy this Summer as far as working. - time to kick it into gear. I don;t want to have to do this forever- I started thinking in terms of forever this morning and - I can't do that- 1 day at a time- HA! But really there are other more important things i want to do in life- i absolutely can not spend the rest of my life locked in an office- thinking about it makes me emotional. work now so i can have fun later. God i hope so. There is no way i can write for an hour. Mads had a little car accident- i was expected to not say anything about it. I didnt say much because i was truly grateful it was minor and no one was hurt- she was being a total bitch and hit me. Not hard bit still. I havent addressed it yet but plan on doing so. She was over the top emotional- really really disrupted my peace and i find that intolerable- really- i knew it would pass but while it was going on, the crazy in me wanted to tell her to pack her bags and get the fuck out- I would never say that to her and i dont feel that way. But geeze i couldn't even enjoy my own home. Like i said i knew it would pass- and it did- i realized how much i value peace- A lady at work shadowed me- kind of a weird story but I just rolled with it. I mentioned accident and she started crying- she lost her son in a car accident- Poor woman. I apologized to her for making her upset- i felt bad.

I have thc oil= i dont really know what it is but i know i like it. I took it today before work and i felt amazing. Im going to get more from the pharmacy. I tried some thc pill on Monday- was told it was like speed- I took it before work on tuesday. I had a hard time doing my job on tuesday-my heart was pounding and i was anxious- THats all i got fortoday- not an hour.

[drews-diary]

21.08.19

today’s diary entry is gonna be weird. also hi, its been a while. a few days ago, i learned that the fourteen year old i tutor has a boyfriend. and while that is a perfectly reasonable age to have a boyfriend i just cant get over the fact that someone born in 2007 is already capable of typing let alone dating. I remember when my friends little brother who was also born in 2007 was crawling around and cried cuz he hit his head on the table. but to be fair that didnt really bother me too much as i always felt as though i was stagnant and things around me were the ones always changing. 

But then today i was listening to taylor swift’s old albums cuz i was feeling nostalgic and i listened to fifteen from the fearless album that came out back in 2009 and i realized that she released that song when she was around twenty which means she probably wrote in when she was in her teens writing about how she knows so much more than she did back when was starting high school that she wish she could tell her younger self. and i remembered listening to that album as a child and expecting myself to feel the same by the time i became an adult. yet here i am at 21 no thoughts head empty. and i realized that even if i met 15 year old me there is next to nothing i would want to tell her because i still feel like i am more or less still the same ignorant uninformed person. the only thing i would tell her is to stop fucking around and focus on school. 

i feel like i dont have as much experience as the other people around me. I never used to care that i’ve never been romantically involved with someone, but i always thought it would happen eventually when i got to college but a three semesters have passed and i have yet to take a single class on campus. 

to be completely honest the only reason i am even fever writing this right now is because i had a ice cream blending cold brew from starbucks this evening because i had to get up excruciatingly early for class registration (which i completely failed at) and had three tutoring classes today meaning i didnt have time for my daily afternoon nap so the coffee was the only thing making sure i didnt fall asleep during my last class. I purposely dont drink coffee regularly so that i can use it like a magic potion when i need it and the caffeine hits me like a bus. it has been six hours and i am still wide-eyed i should not have gotten a grande. today was also my first time trying coldbrew so there’s that. i was kinda grateful for the effects because it made sure i was awake for today’s episode of hospital playlist but now i kinda wanna sleep since i didnt get much last night and i would like to make sure i dont miss my class tomorrow morning, i have to get up at at least ten, but here i am typing this.and i think i am just going to keep going.

my family moved recently, and for the time being my entire room is surrounded by bookshelves because my brother’s bed is too big and we cant fix any bookshelves into his room and i am only using a mattress topper thing for the next few months. this is because i finally convinced my mom to let me throw out that horrid bed with the curved head and foot board with the flower decorations that always dug into the back of my head, neck, and back when i was trying to read. so that is the situation in my room until the end of the year when hopefully my brother’s whole situation will be over and we can finally go furniture shopping and switch rooms. (we are also currently living in each other’s room because his permanent room aka my current room cannot fit his fucking gigantic boat bed. actually i really love that bed i wish he was still young enough to use it its so cute.

i find our new neighborhood unsettling. like its probably because i got so attached to our old house that we lived in for nine years but i dont know. the place we moved to is a location that i used to spend some time in when we first moved to korea but i literally havent been here in nine years as mentioned earlier, and i am slowly piecing my memories of the geography as well as blending it with the incredibly limited knowledge i have of the nearby surroundings that i built riding the bus and when i was learning to drive because the school that i went to is kind of near our new place. anyways to get back to the subject this new neighborhood is full of too many happy families with these little kids that run around with their sticky little fingers flailing around. like hello we are still in the middle of a global pandemic i swear to god parents of little kids will go loose their minds when their children get sick yet they let them just run around spreading their disgusting little disease to the rest of us. ugh i hate kids. but thats besides the point the reason i think the new neighborhood feels dystopian is because all of the families, children and the elders too (why are there so many elders like i dont hate them or anything most of them are fine but like where are they all coming from?) look so happy. where are the depressed high schoolers and burnt out college students? my brother and i dont seem to have any friends in this bitch. anyways so the sheer amount of happiness that seems to radiate around me reminds me of books and movies like the giver you know or like the uglies series where you start off in this utopian-esque world until you find out that it is actually fake. its unsettling. 

okay now i am kind of tired good night. wait also the public transportation at our new place fucking sucks i know it’s pretty good by regular standards but i am used to subway stations, convenience stores, cafes and bus stops all being 30 seconds away from the entrance of my building. okay the bus stop took more like two minutes but whatever. and buses used to come every five minutes but now i have to walk at least ten minutes to the nearest subway station and the bus stops only have three buses and even those take so fucking long to arrive and they dont even arrive when they say they will they are always late which is why i end up fucking walking twenty minutes to the subway station because that way at least i can guarantee that i am not going to be completely late. unreliable ass buses.

fuck there’s a lot i dont like about my new neighborhood. oh wait we are also far from malls now i have to walk like half an hour to get to the nearest mall when at our old house i only had to walk ten minutes and the mall close to our new house is worse than the old one. this one’s movie theatre isnt even famous. but dont get me wrong i guess there are things i like about our new place like how you can call the elevator from inside the house or how there’s a gym and the fact that i now have ac in my room. i am just being a brat because i really loved our old house. it was perfect. even if i felt as though i was being burned alive during the summers sometimes. i also like my new blinds that let in light in the shape of constellations. 

i dont currently have a desk in my room so i dont know what im going to do when school starts again in a few weeks i guess i’ll have to take my lecture on the floor or maybe on the kitchen table idk.