#I haven't opened up about this before
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Happy birthday to Kazuha, one of the characters I treasure most in this game~ 🍁💖
I wish I could meet with him in the mountains and sit in the same pavilion as him, admiring the golden autumn leaves.
I would tell him thank you. "Thank you for being a constant source of happiness in my life, and thank you for all of the wonderful years together." 🍁
#I haven't opened up about this before#But once during one of the hardest times of my life I was given a Kazuha standee. The last one left#And for the first time in years I felt like I was family 🍁#Shiloh speaks
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(ID in alt) hi sorry for back to back marvel fanart I swear I still have dc stuff lmao. However I did recently read X-Men: first class and got a bit carried away doodling this after Lmao
#marvel comics#x men#scott summers#jean grey#hank mccoy#bobby drake#warren worthington iii#charles xavier#anyway#picked X-Men: First Class#out of sheer curiosity and desire to know more about the X-Men and I really enjoyed it!#Idk how in line with canon it but. Whatever tbh. Anyway that was the inspo behind this#just the og 5 fooling around and being silly teens#jean being the flirty one probably isn't very in character at this time period (jean doesnt really show any interest in scott in first clas#but it was too cute to pass up#also charles looks so much more pissed off than i intended 😭 there's this one issue of first class where he's just BERATING the xmen#just yelling at them psychically and eventually its revealed that it wasn't actually Charles but i didn't question it at first#which is kind of mean to charles. but idk i haven't gotten far with the x-men (im being very casual in my reading rn)#so maybe he deserves it#also i keep making bigger and bigger drawings bc i know that those print well#but i keeo forgetting that tumblr murders the quality of the image when you upload it. bwahhh#anyway i think i am finally going to knuckle down and open commission slots for part of july#idk how much a bad boy like this (lined coloured and shaded w/ multiple characters) would cost but we're gonna figure that out#honestly i might slightly under price them just to encourage ppl to spring for them#okay that's all for now I PROMISE I HAVE DC DRAWINGS TO SHARE i was just in a serious drawing funk and drawing some characters-#-that I'd never drawn before (like shulkie and now the xmen) helped break that funk!#mine
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"It's normal for siblings to fight" Okay well it's not normal to be extremely classist and look down on your sister for being non-conforming. Or to go to the woman who ordered the death of your pet to tell her about your father's plans, when he specifically warned you against doing so, because you want to marry the boy you saw attack your sister and her friend (contributing partially to said father's death and your sister being unable to escape on the ship he chartered). Or to think of your sibling as unsatisfactory in comparison to another when you believe her to be dead. I notice that none of the "Sansa and Arya are going to reunite and instantly have no issues" crowd ever acknowledge any of this, which makes it seem like they don't actually believe what they say about their relationship being normal and easily reconciled. People wanting them to have no issues simply because they're siblings is another example of how fandom likes to flatten complex characters and relationships. They get reduced to being bickering siblings when their conflict runs deeper than that. If the author is telling you that they have "deep issues" to work out [X], I don't understand being so adamant about ignoring said issues. I also get the sense it's about ignoring the capacity for a certain character to be flawed, but that isn't going to change the fact that her "slip of the tongue" is very likely to be revealed and a source of further conflict 🤷🏾♀️
#arya stark#sansa stark#house stark#asoiaf#also if it's so normal for siblings to fight then why are you guys losing your minds over us theorizing they won't get along??#the amount of condescending /that's just how siblings act/ takes I see 🙄#sorry I guess? that we read the book and don't just delete parts of the story because we find it convenient?#it's not even like takes about them being enemies is widespread the most I see is that they aren't instantly bffs when they reunite 😭#some people theorize they'll never be close but guess what? that's a completely fair and valid assumption based on their relationship!#personally I think they'll have a sweet reunion before the issues they have inevitably surface again because while they've been through#a lot they haven't fundamentally changed as people or the values they hold#and I think that's going to be very interesting to read about!#I can't figure out why people always take the most boring bland route for how things will play out#mostly because people seem to be unable to swallow the concept that Sansa is a flawed character who isn't perfectly sweet all the time#and the fact that their conflict is instigated by Sansa's classism#which is funny cause in the grand scheme of things her being mean to Arya is such a mild thing that opens the door to a ton of growth#never seen anybody but stansas equating her being a bully to her sister to her being evil/a villain#all we do is point out that it exists in the story...people in this fandom have no concept of nuance I stg 😭#anyways they're both complex characters and their conflict is interesting and I hope we get to see how it plays out#cause it's definitely going to be better then that trash d&d came up with 🙏🏾
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quietly weeping over Nightjar again, because when the doctor sends Tegan and Nyssa off to get proper spacesuits from the crew quarters and he stays behind to rig up the timer? radiation is eating away at his cells, the cold of space not far behind it, that the youth he started this regeneration with is also most likely how he's going to end it (and we, the audience, knows he does, that he's still so desperately young) but every action like this hastens the end of this life and makes it that much more tragic. his confusion at putting on the spacesuit - his leg through the armhole - haha, that's so funny he's dying, they're all getting sick from radiation poisoning, and even if the audio doesn't mention them taking radiation pills in the TARDIS, they do but he's been exposed longer
#anyway i am a normal person come closet i don't bite#I'm still finishing off the Nightjar from Wellington and i heard something in it that hadn't registered before and then that made me open u#my fic about it which in turn again made me sadder#audios#five#yes i know the new audio is out and yes I've downloaded it but no i haven't listened yet. still too wrapped up in the bittersweet grief of#nightjar
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I'm willing to at least hear out most of the "xyz plot point is heavily tied to abc cultural context" brands of posts but the "wwx isn't meant to be read as morally gray" and "the western fandom made up Sizhui being wangxian's son" brands of post make me feel like my cultural ignorance is being used to gaslight me
#mdzs#vent post#the filial piety stuff in relation to jgy is incredibly interesting and has influenced my opinion on him#being told about the whole mo dao vs gui dao thing was very helpful since that is completely lost in the english translation#whether or not wwx's self sacrificing tendencies are supposed to be a good thing is a conversation i find interesting#even though i haven't come to my own conclusion on it yet#but wwx not being morally gray??? bro was a major player in a war- no ones coming out of that spotless#i also just straight up don't trust y'all about what mxtx said on him being morally ideal#y'all take her words out of context or just straight up lie about what she said so often that#I can't take anything y'all “repeat” from her at face value. i need links to the sources before I'll believe anything#on Sizhui being wangxian's son:#thats so embedded in the text the only way I'd believe it wasn't the intended reading is if 7 seas straight up rewrote section of the books#because its more than just a few throw away lines and wwx calling him his little one#its sizhui being formally adopted into the lans (proven by the cloud pattern headband)#its the extra where they take him on a nighthunt/investigation without any of the other disciples#its the paying extra attention to his hw while doing the grading#its in the miscellaneous anecdotes Sizhui remembers from wwx even after he lost his memories from early childhood#its the baby stories and sizhui chewing on wwx's flute#its Sizhui's unconditional faith in the two of them#its in Sizhui's choosing the same instrument as lwj#that is their kid!!! not through modern western adoption but thats still their kid!!!#sizhui developing a close relationship with his uncle doesn't change that#Wen Ning is the cool untaking the lan babies on field trips. wangxian are the ones actually raising him#also mxtx has been pretty open about being influenced by things other than chinese classics#so using “well traditional Chinese story telling uses this convention” will never be automatically be the correct™️ take on her work#not to say her stories are completely devoid of traditional structures its just she mixes in other styles too
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#ALL POWER DEMANDS PAIN AND SACRIFICE: musings.#okay but this made me laugh so hard just because of how much it reminds me of misao JSJSJ LOL because she has had like casual 'flings'-#with people and is an addictive personality as i've talked about here once which includes her being a love junkie + getting into-#relationships with people because she is in love with the IDEA of being in love though falling in love with someone can't just happen-#like magic as it involves a bunch of hormones and stuff but misao kind of somewhat hopes that this person of interest to her will somehow-#complete her life anyhow which... yeah can definitely raise a few problems as people with a love addiction often attract love-#avoidant people because both of these types of people generally have a fear of being abandoned and controlled.#but whenever it comes to love-avoidant individual's they're also emotionally unavailable so 😬#it's unfortunately kinddd of a recipe for an unhealthy relationship that could very well lead to the both of them being in a bad place-#once they break up as misao as a love addict is constantly seeking out new love in particular as a lot of excitement and good feelings-#come with this particular type of love in particular. so yeahhh - i know that this may be a bit of a weird picture to do a meta to but-#SHHH lol i just thought it could possibly relate to her more long-term relationships that she's had with people as misao-#tends to avoid feelings of vulnerability with people as you may all know and so this leads to both her + the other person not really-#knowing what they are BC they haven't really established that deeper connection even though they've been together for a while.#not to say that i'm trying to blame misao for having problems with opening up or anything like that but she has a very disorganized-#attachment style i think and that leads to her often doing this continuous 'push and pull' thing in her romantic/sexual ships#where one moment she will want to be attached to the hip to them but the next she will be cold and distant from them.#so yeahhh. misao is honestly kind of like what i've said barton is before: a cake inside of a cake because i feel like she's got sides of-#herself that she doesn't even know about because she's been scared of being fully emotionally vulnerable with someone for a while now sadly#NO SLEEP OF THE INNOCENT. NOT FOR YOU: character study.
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#i'm so frustrated i've just wanted to come home for several days and now i'm here and it's just one problem after another#i had to leave a window open because of the heatwave that was fully 8 days ago because i wasn't gonna be home in the meantime#and apparently they mulched the yard during that time and it blew in the window and got all over the room. which i haven't cleaned yet#also i discovered today that when i flush the toilet it spurts water all over the floor!#and i'm already so tired and sad and i don't have the bandwidth to deal with anything#this toilet thing is an urgent problem but i'm not going to call the emergency hotline right now because they'll just make me stay#up all night waiting for them and i'm already so tired i'm crying from tiredness#so i'm just gonna try not to flush the toilet anymore but like. i just wanted to be home where it's calm and familiar#and now i have to stress about flushing the toilet and have strangers in here (best case scenario anyway. worst case is they#ignore me and don't fix the problem) and probably still be tired because i'm going to be too anxious to sleep well#i'm just so TIRED i just want to REST#and i was texting my friend about it and LOST SERVICE in the middle which has never happened before in my apartment#that was the final straw and now i'm just sitting here weeping feeling sorry for myself#i hate this fucking property management company why can't they just keep their units habitable
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"what could possibly go wrong?"
#oops <doodles a cairo on the bus. and the train. and miscellaneous other public transportation>#cheerwives part two because i drew a riley and got obsessed ig#i had to go to School and Travel today (it is the middle of the school holiday week break to study. i'm mildly annoyed)#so this is me coping via the blorbo system#also i've realised rendering on my phone is Fun and so is painting faces#lowkey iffy about the proportions on this one but shhhb the sentiment gets across#part of this was based off how someone liked a very old watt post of mine so while i was looking for a watt doodle to render for funsies#up came a very old image of cairo asking what could possibly go wrong and so. repaint over it i guess! if you go into the artchives#(haha art archives) you might be able to find it#we are the tigers#watt#not driving the narrative not doomed by the narrative but a secret third thing(in the narrative nonetheless)#thinking back to the hadestown watt au that i never made proper stuff for#it spins in my head and gives me a bit of happiness#anyways i think my physics teacher is very Done with me submitting assignments at 2359 but unfortunately i haven't learnt. going to go back#(because i'm still at the mall. gotta walk back) and finish up stuff! yikes the revision season be upon ye i guess#there's another version of this digital painting with cairo half smiling and mouth clearly open to say smth#but unfortunately i dislike the colours in that one a bit and it looks too similar to this one to warrant posting them tgt#so instead of a before and after thing you simply get a cairo portrait haha#yes okay bye *disappears into void*#initial caption for this was. nooo don't ask what could possibly go wrong?'' you're so sexy aha#if it matters to anyone. just fyi
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Am I allowed to ask Boatem Circus Mumbo's backstory? 👀 Or are you holding on to that cuz of the burny fic?
-🎀
oh you're allowed :3c
mumbo's backstory won't be in the burny fic. i was thinking of eventually writing it out into a oneshot, but i don't know if or when i will get to that, so i'm definitely open to indulging your curiosity if you want to know! :3
#ange answers#ribbon anon#boatem circus au#there are hints in elegy that mumbo has some issues#but the fic will not reveal the details#so it might be fun to know and look back at it?#.... i seriously need to finish that fic one of these days 😭#and then there's the planned Aftermath fic#where mumbo will be wrangling his trauma#as it just got triggered during the burny burny events but. quieter than grian's#simmering in the background until things are finally calmer and safer and only then really hitting properly. mm.#anyway talking about Mumbo Issues and his backstory also opens up another topic#of how grian was introduced into doing performances in the circus :3#because mumbo played a big role there!#and mumbo wasn't in performances before that point either#at least i think i haven't talked about these things yet??#so yes i'm willing to indulge questions about this :3
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I hate being loveless. Send post.
#despite the scrambling to accept loveless folks that ended up fucking over romance and love favorable people#I still feel broken. I feel like I'm misleading my partners because the truth is that I don't love them like they love me#and they know this. we're open and I haven't misled them at all but I feel like a fraud still.#I want to be included in things or at least thought about even though I don't give people a second thought#but when I voice this: 'you didn't care about them anyway. they tried to reach out before'#I still value connections. after years of being pushed away by peers I still try to make connections with people#and when they inevitably feel stronger about me than I do them#or see things differently than I do#I feel... inadequate. like my attempts at being a person are futile#It's part of why I don't see myself as a person at all anymore. Because I can't FEEL like a 'normal' person.#it fucking sucks. and no amount of 'oh you're no less a person than someone who feels love uwu' can fix that#I can't even love my family. do you know how much that sucks to not be able to love your own mother?#years ago when I was 7 I had a nightmare where my mom said 'you don't love me anyway' while I was trying to convince her#not to jump into the water in front of us. that phrase has appeared in arguments years later#imagine the horror I feel trying to come to terms with the fact that that's a true statement.#I do care about and appreciate people but it'll never be enough#I'LL never be enough#it hurts.#and the performative bullshit on this platform doesn't help#loveless#aplatonic#afamilial
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normalise saying "I don't have enough information on this topic to have an opinion on it"
and then staying out of it completely rather than going along with wtv opinion u imprinted from three random posts/reels/tweets and having weird misinformed debates with full confidence
#like bro it's ok to not have an opinion on something if you don't know just say i don't know and move on#there's too many fucked up things going on in the world it's perfectly natural to not have proper information on a topic of debate#just remove yourself from said debate theres no needto go marching in with limited information and spreading even more misinformation#i see so many people around my age posting random political stuff be it religious or about lgbtq or women even and they haven't read#a single article about any of these topics ever#their only source is sketchy social media posts or “dark jokes” about a certain community making them think it's cool to shit on them#or random “sigma” edits of things and suddenly the most random stuff becomes everyone's favourite mainstream political affiliation#like have you read a single policy pertaining to this government or do you have a single reason for violently hating a certain community#i understand that some people are genuinely interested in these topics and that is absolutely wonderful it's great that young people have#opinions and commentary on world issues but only when this stems from an area of genuine interest and when at least some effort to be#factual is made not when it's only done because everyone else is doing it and they have some weird sort of fomo at work or they just think#it's funny or wtv without understanding the implications of their words and actions#no one is forcing you to involve yourself in every social issue but the moment you choose to make commentary on a social issue you must take#the responsibility of educating yourself as best you can before you open your mouth
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i have not listened to hamilton in like a week why is he STILL HERE
read the tags if you want to see me talk about musicals for a little TOO long
#this is no hate to you mr leslie odom jr#but i have most certainly listened to other musicians/bands more#anyways i'd say the rest is accurate#my bff and i have been doing a musical binge#started with wicked -> ride the cyclone -> shrek -> legally blonde -> falsettos#i cried twice at falsettos btw it's so fucked up (i loved it sm)#i've listened to wicked before but haven't actually *seen* it so that was nice#i've also heard a couple songs from ride the cyclone & falsettos b4 so i already knew they'd be good#and i've seen shrek the musical like 3 times bc i unironically love it#overall opinions: ride the cyclone might have my favorite cast of characters and i think falsettos might be my favorite musical now#fav songs (for funsies):#ride the cyclone: noel's lament / the ballad of jane doe / jawbreaker / space age bachelor man (insane song btw)#wicked: no good deed / popular#shrek: i know it's today / don't let me go / i think i got you beat / this is our story / what's up duloc?#falsettos: this had better come to a stop / i'm breaking down / four jews in a room bitching / a tight-knit family/love is blind#falsettos cont.: everyone hates his parents / falsettoland/about time#legally blonde: blood in the water / positive / ireland / chip on my shoulder / so much better / whipped into shape / take it like a man#legally blonde cont.: bend and snap / there! right there! / legally blonde / legally blonde - remix / find my way/finale#SORRY I OPENED A PANDORA'S BOX WHEN I STARTED TALKING ABOUT MUSICALS#i really should've posted this on my other acc oh well#okay i'm gonna shut up now im so sorry LMAO#falsettos#legally blonde musical#legally blonde the musical#shrek the musical#shrek musical#wicked#wicked musical#ride the cyclone
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Yk I was re-reading Heart of a previous era and I made a realization that if we died first and got reincarnated already and Kalpas hasn't gotten reincarnated yet then that means that when we eventually die again, after probably a few centuries or so, then Kalpas would probably be reincarnated while we're not and this cycle would keep repeating and repeating. (Not really sure if I got this right but just imagine)
sorry I took so long to respond!!
I definitely need to reread that story lol but I think I was just focusing on reader being reincarnated? like kalpas probably would have been reincarnated as that point but reader and him hadn't met in real life (and previous era kalpas does not give a fuck about current era kalpas and sharing)
or because kalpas had his memory preserves (and I can't come up with a way for all the flame chasers to be reincarnated) he doesn't go through cycles like reader does?
but I think it would be really good angst heartbreaking if reader and kalpas kept getting reincarnated and missing each other but in every life they find the Elysian realm and that kalpas tells them what they missed? like he uses his memories in the ER to store memories of his time with reader? I'm gonna go cry now hold on-
#anon!! 🧡🧡#the “we were soulmates but our timelines never match up” trope makes me so so SO sad 😭😭😭#LET THEM BE HAPPY#i also still havent played through and read the story for the moon arc 💀#(i dont wanna talk about it)#so i think when i wrote that i wasn't sure if kalpas was still alive on the moon so i was intentionally leaving it open#so if he WAS still on the moon i wouldn't have to slap the “whoops I didn't follow the lore” tag on it lol#(like I haven't accidentally mixed up welt and joyce yang before 💀)
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One of my friends got a warning from EA for their name being "Shit Grass, Eat Ass". (I had the duo name "Skate Fast, Smoke Grass" which was apparently fine.)
Either they managed to kill a developer or someone reported them specifically, because I have seen astronomically worse names in the kill feed on a regular basis, and personally I love the things people come up with.
Legitimately I don't even know why they care when the ESRB reliquinshes the company of all liability the moment the player goes online. It's not like there's a slur in there or anything. Why can't people be silly?
All this to say,
God forbid Apex Legends players do anything and have fun with it.
Anyways don't think to hard about this post, I just found humor in it.
#apex legends#ea#smoke grass#eat ass#skate fast#godspeed you magnificent bastards#the continued sanitization of the internet bothers me as an old fuck#like it's coming for people's silly senses of humor#this game is clearly for teens and adults it's not like they haven't heard these words before#legitimately it's probably only a matter of time before my actual moniker gets nerfed#my actual moniker is a reference to my multiple near death experiences and it means a lot to me#but someone could misinterpret it to mean something far worse but also far more rediculous#like damn#when I was a baby I could put my cousin's headset on when he opened up COD and heard words I couldn't even look up at my school#it's weird that in a game about killing for sport we are expected not to curse or partake in a little bit of mud slinging#like sure don't open a can of slur juice but my goodness can't we make a Your Mom joke without being censored?#oh yeah Apex censors Your Mom#but not Your Dad#kinda rude to moms that only dads get to have all the fun ngl
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Going through the Utahim.e tag had me checking several times if at some point I had clicked on the G.ojo/Utahim.e one instead
#It's mainly the ship and mainly ship art. Very pretty btw. There's people with gorgeous styles there#There isn't even a lot of x reader fics haha I guess people don't want to bang Utahime?#Anyway... lowkey wished this happened with Ijichi lol#I so wanted Ijichi to mention or even hint at a mention of Gojo one last time like they did with Nanami#If nothing else for the weight of it all. The weight of feeling your youth dying piece by piece alongside the people who made it out#And everything it implies#Art of Shoko dealing with Gojo's death even in a cold way always strikes hard for that motive but I always love it#with pretty much everyone of those years. There was one piece I saw once that was not explicitly or necessarily romantic about Utahime#being hit by Gojo's death and I don't recall exactly how it was (I think I may have queued it?)#but it moved me more than any piece more clearly emotional that I had seen before#I don't know. I thought it held the potential of that. That weird uncomfortable heartbreaking feeling#of hearing bad news about old friends or classmates and how it makes you realise the weight of time#They suffered and accident. They tried to kill themselves. They are very sick. Their sibling or parent died. And you knew these people#You saw them daily for years. Maybe you weren't close but you knew these people. They cut my bangs when I was eight and I punched them#I tripped over them playing hide and seek and we both lost at the same time. We both hated each other's favourite teacher#They borrowed my pen once and then never gave it back. I once drenched them at the fountain after PE and it was winter but they laughed#Their mother got mad though. Now she's dead. We were made to sit together in French class in middle school. They loved to keep their hair l#Now they're sick and have lost their hair#Their little sibling was so annoying always trying to make us play with them during recess too. It was kinda cute. Now they're dead#I don't know. That kind of stuff#Utahime boosts Gojo and then he dies. Shoko opens him up to make a tool of his body#Ijichi accompanies another kid to clean after him in the meanwhile. And then the realisation hits. He is dead#He was annoying. He was my friend. He was so rude#He had such a sweet tooth. He laughed so loudly. He used to lean over people when talking with them#We were kids once. We are here now. He isn't here anymore. Some of us haven't been here anymore for a long while. It's been so long#He was still young. I am still young. We felt so old. At times it feels as if the time back then didn't happen at all.#And now he's dead and oh it's true he was so annoying but he also had such a sweet tooth. I forgot. What do I do with this memory now?#At times it felt as if the time back then didn't happen at all but then at times it shone through. He brought it back#He asked me a favour knowing I wouldn't betray his secret. He still teased the same way. He still leaned on people. But now he's dead#I don't know if I'm explaining myself well xD I think it's a pretty common emotion when it happens.Oh I forgot to censore words again sorry
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listening to chiyo's playlist to help my brain a lil bit, and nine by sleeping at last feels like it was written for chiyo :' )) there's truly so many lines from that song that relate to her as a person, but the lines " but i'm just trying to find myself / through someone else's eyes / so show me what to do to restart this heart of mine / how do i forgive myself / for losing so much time? " really take the cake.
chiyo's story is about connection. she cannot remain the same if she wants to be happy, if she wants to stop " sleepwalking " through her life, yet she cannot change without help. truthfully, chiyo doesn't hold a great opinion of herself. she has her merits, but she overall believes she isn't worth the trouble she causes -- the ugly parts, those thorns and weeds that have gotten out of control, shouldn't be anyone's responsibility but her own. but that's not the way life works. sometimes we need help.
so it's really important that there is someone in her life that helps her see herself " through someone else's eyes. " those ugly parts of herself that she hates aren't as terrible as she thinks. it's okay that she's scared to get hurt; she just can't allow that fear to control her.
that's why consistency and insistency are so important when growing close to chiyo. she's watching for the signs that she's right, that she really isn't worth the effort. she's questioning her place beside you, wondering if it'd matter if she suddenly wasn't there. and even when she's getting comfortable with you, there's still that thought, that fear, and it just!! takes time for her to finally believe yes, she's important to this person despite everything. and only then can she start to believe she's worth something. she's worth the love she's given -- she deserves it, every bit.
#me @ me: you can't write some dang replies but you can write this hc??? wack#except i love talking about chiyo and the way her mind works!!! i'm just mad i haven't written replies unu#and sorry if this got a bit ramble-y instead of remaining cohesive but i'm eepy i fear#i sit before flowers & hope they will train me in the art of opening up | headcanons
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