#oh yeah Apex censors Your Mom

[revenant-dumpster-fire]

One of my friends got a warning from EA for their name being "Shit Grass, Eat Ass". (I had the duo name "Skate Fast, Smoke Grass" which was apparently fine.)

Either they managed to kill a developer or someone reported them specifically, because I have seen astronomically worse names in the kill feed on a regular basis, and personally I love the things people come up with.

Legitimately I don't even know why they care when the ESRB reliquinshes the company of all liability the moment the player goes online. It's not like there's a slur in there or anything. Why can't people be silly?

All this to say,

God forbid Apex Legends players do anything and have fun with it.

Anyways don't think to hard about this post, I just found humor in it.

[joncrawford]

Best of COVID-2019: (Late) 2019 End of Year Wrap-up

Even though we’re well into 2020, most of us would probably swallow a pill that makes us forget the year so far. With a new job, I got too busy to do an end-of-year wrap-up of my picks for the best albums, movies and shows of 2019, so assuming you’ve swallowed your Hindsight Pill™ (get it?, cause hindsight is 20..ok, fair if you stop reading now) here’s my take on the best music, movies and shows of 2019. Maybe you’ll find something to make the rest of quarantine a little better.

ALBUMS

Remind Me Tomorrow by Sharon Van Etten on Spotify

It’s hard to find a better album this year. It’s heartfelt, gentle in places / wild in others, it pushes her sound forward from her more folky records of the past and gives us the opportunity to gaze into this sensitive she-hulk of an artist’s soul.

Favorite Track: Jupiter 4 - Jupiter 4, a song by Sharon Van Etten on Spotify

Lux Prima by Karen O on Spotify

This concept album by Karen O (“Yeah Yeah Yeahs”) and Danger Mouse (“Broken Bells”, “Gnarls Barkley”) can best be described as a record composed by badass feminine superhero from the future who has a nostalgic fascination with soundtracks from 70s European love story films. It’s phenomenal. The chord progressions are unusual and interesting. The vibe is consistent throughout. It’s a great record to listen to intentionally or a perfect soundtrack to a day outside with friends.

Favorite Track: Nox Lumina - Nox Lumina, a song by Karen O, Danger Mouse on Spotify

Lana Del Rey - “Norman F*ing Rockwell“ (censored for my mom)

I get it. You stopped following Lana after “Summertime Sadness”. She’s not your jam. She’s vapid. There’s something about her appearance that you don’t like (Didn’t she get her lips done?). She doesn’t make serious music. Here’s the thing though: You’re f*cking wrong (censored for mom). LDR is one of the most prolific songwriters and performers we’ve got. This artist has evolved with each album and the songwriting keeps improving. This is her best album to date. The lyrics take on deeper themes than her prior records and any ego on previous submissions seems to have been replaced by a general comfort in herself and the discomfort of her experiences and relationships (fictional or not). This is also her release with the lightest touch. She’s not pushing the LDR persona anymore, she’s being herself — take it or leave it. It’s her, your little Venice B!tch (censored for mom). Hi, mom!

Favorite song: Venice Bitch, a song by Lana Del Rey on Spotify

Phoenix by Pedro The Lion on Spotify

This is my favorite artist’s first studio album in 15 years. (!!!) It’s not technically fair to say that because he released several color records in the interim. As a largely one-man show, the DNA was very much the same. But this is a true return to form for the the man known as David Bazan that I’ve been following carefully for 20 years and have seen live too many times to count.

This is a concept album (most of them are) about his experience growing up in Phoenix, AZ. But it’s more about growing up than about Arizona. I got goosebumps and watery eyes the first time I listened carefully to the lyrics of “Yellow Bike” which tells about the experience of getting your first bicycle as a little boy around 1990. For me, this was the apex of my childhood. Absolute freedom and the ability to easily join any pack of desperado bike kids.

The album hits hard with the catchy hooks, introspective lyrics, challenging topics and excellent production & instrumental performances only using standard rock staples like guitar, bass and drums (with a couple quick appearances of an organy synth).

Lyrics, melody & a great beat. This is a fantastic rock album.

Favorite song: Yellow Bike, a song by Pedro The Lion on Spotify

WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP, WHERE DO WE GO? by Billie Eilish on Spotify

Much has been written about this wunderkind. You know her. It’s a great album. She has a promising career ahead of her.

Favorite song: when the party’s over, a song by Billie Eilish on Spotify

SOUND & FURY by Sturgill Simpson on Spotify

This album slays. It’s a badass rock album. If you don’t know Sturgill Simpson, he’s technically a country act… BUT! He’s entirely rejected the conventions of modern country with its shallow lyrical content, right-wing dog whistling and computer-assisted faux harmonies. He sings about psychedelics, his problems with religion and also covers 80s synth-pop in country ballad fashion. Well, forget all that for this record. It’s a banger. This record sounds like Waylon Jennings was cloned 100 years in the future and brought back just to record a ZZ Top album. Major leap for this artist. One of the best of the year.

Favorite song: Make Art Not Friends, a song by Sturgill Simpson on Spotify

ANIMA by Thom Yorke on Spotify

We’ve had a complicated relationship with Thom Yorke’s solo work. As the lead singer of Radiohead, we’ve had to give deference to literally anything with his name on it. But his prior solo works have waded into the avant-garde and we’re entirely listenable in a casual way throughout. This has changed. This record is a masterwork. In fact, it demanded a beautiful short film directed by Paul Thomas Anderson (“The Master”, “There Will Be Blood”) released on Netflix earlier in the year featuring no dialogue and Thom and his wife is choreographed love affair starting during a mundane commute. My favorite track is the most peaceful and introspective on the album.

Favorite song: Dawn Chorus, a song by Thom Yorke on Spotify

Fear Inoculum by TOOL on Spotify

It’s TOOL’s first album in 13 years. WHAT. It’s fantastic. Worth the wait? Hell no because that’s too long to wait for almost anything. There are people with Snapchat accounts that weren’t alive when “10,000 Days” came out (2006). 728,000,000 people (presumably, all TOOL fans) died since their last album. I can’t, in good conscience, condone the deprivation of 3/4 of a billion people like that. But it’s SO good. This is metal for people that don’t like metal (I don’t really like metal).

Favorite song: Pneuma, a song by TOOL on Spotify

Screamer by Third Eye Blind on Spotify

I may be literally this bands only fan still paying attention, but I don’t care. They’re still writing fantastic tracks. This was one of my heavy-hitter bands in high school. I learned every song from their first two albums on the guitar. Then I stopped paying attention for like 13 years. In 2016, I ran across a new single by the band and went in with a lot of trepidation. Most bands from your high school years should probably leave it there. There's nothing worse than a band desperately trying to stay relevant with weak ass releases well beyond their shelf life (cough Goo Goo Dolls –– They've put out 4 albums in the last 10 years. 🤦‍♂️) But then I heard Third Eye Blind's pro-Black Lives Matter track “Cop vs. Phone Girl, a song by Third Eye Blind on Spotify” released in 2016. Go back and listen to that one. It's not only catchy as hell, but it's got a gut punch of a message about how shitty is it to be a well-meaning black student in a white-dominated power structure that's supposed to be a safe place like school.

Well 2019’s “Screamer” doesn’t disappoint either. It’s all the same energy and hooks of the band’s early sound with an updated feel and sensibility that still feels like a relevant rock album. All the same things you came to Third Eye for in the past is right here waiting for you on “Screamer”. I know I’m gonna get some flack for this one, but…shut up.

Favorite song: Ways, a song by Third Eye Blind on Spotify Bonus points if you catch the “Outside Lands” ref.

i,i by Bon Iver on Spotify

Short review for people who know how to pronounce the name correctly: It’s a Bon Iver record. Listen to it.

Longer review: It’s pronounced “Bone ee-VAIR” based on the French bon hiver, meaning “good winter”. If this is news to you, here’s a nugget from an interview where the main figure in the band explains it:

When I was living up north I wrote a letter. I’d come across a story about this Alaskan town that the people, the first snow of every year, they come out of their houses and gather in town square. They hug and kiss each other and they say “Bon Iver.” I was like, “whatever that is, that’s cool!” … Then I found out how it’s spelled and it was sort of disappointing. I didn’t like how it looked. It didn’t have any emotion. Looking at it didn’t make any sense. I wanted to look at it and feel something. It was sort of a compromise. I sorta wanted it to be like “Bon Iverre,” sort of like how I saw it, but that didn’t look good either, so I just decided to chop off the “h.” Bon Iver | Pitchfork

OK, now that you’re caught up. I guess you haven’t been paying attention, but Justin Vernon or Bon Iver (DBA) is one of the luminaries of the music industry. This grammy-winning dude-band has collaborated with Kanye, Jay-Z, James Blake, Travis $cott, Poliça, Ani DiFranco, Vince Staples, Eminem, Bruce Hornsby and more. But if you need me to explain any of this to you, do yourself a favor and go back and listen to his other 3 studio albums. Every one of them is treasure.

Favorite Song: Hey, Ma, a song by Bon Iver on Spotify This song makes the top 5 of all the tracks he’s released.

MUSIC - Honorable Mentions

Amyl and The Sniffers by Amyl and The Sniffers on Spotify

Two Hands by Big Thief on Spotify

I vs I by Alex Ebert on Spotify

Face Stabber by Thee Oh Sees on Spotify

Infest The Rats’ Nest by King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard on Spotify

MOVIES

Hail Satan? (Hulu)

JustWatch

Hilarious look at a group trying to make Free Speech really free.

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

Duh. Also I got low-key obsessed with cults after I watched this.

MONOS

Incredible Spanish language drama about child soldiers in South America. Great acting by unknowns.

Green Book -Duh

Duh. Won an Best Picture.

Parasite

Duh. Won Best Picture.

Joker

Duh. Won life.

Greener Grass

JustWatch

The weirdest movie I saw all year. Bizarre and hilarious. Written by the two actresses who star.

Apollo 11

INCREDIBLE documentary about the first moon landing mission featuring a ton of footage I’d never seen and assembled into such a magnificent narrative. You feel like it’s happening in real-time today. The last time mankind was united around one hope.

SHOWS

The OA - Season 2 (Netflix)

This was one of the most beautiful creations I’ve seen. Epic followup to the first season which seemed like an impossible act to follow. Netflix canned the show, but there’s still hope it will get a resurrection through another venue.

Watchmen (HBO)

This is a sequel to the critically acclaimed graphic novel from the late 80s. You should read the novel first. As stated two sentences ago, this is a sequel set 34 years after the events of the novel.

The Boys (Amazon)

This is the first realistic superhero story. Why have we always assumed that those with superior or supernatural powers would be intrinsically good and seek to served mankind? Regular humans don’t even act like that toward each other. In this world the soops are like paid athletes and are secretly total pricks. Well made and begging for a second season.

Chernobyl (HBO)

Haven’t seen this? What is wrong with you? It’s in the top 5 highest rated shows of all time on IMDB. One thing I’ll note is that it did a good job separating the characterization of the soviet people from the soviet government. The everyday soviet people in the story came out looking like heroes while the government lived up to its reputation. It made me a lot more curious about soviet history which has led me to other movies, books and Wikipedia rabbit holes. Watch this for the historical value, at a minimum. It’s not as gory as you might be afraid it is.

Love Death + Robots (Netflix)

I love sci-fi and I love weird animation so this just brought it home for me. The episodes are often short and sort of feel like Twilight Zone episodes, each with their own mini narrative or moral lesson. Each episode is made by a different creator or team, so the variety is part of the curb appeal. Great binge material.