#I haven’t written since I was 13 please forgive me

[moodymisty]

Hello, Jordan! I love the stories you write, at least the ones I have read (I didn’t want to spam you, so, I only reblogged one of your Crosshair stories)! I was reading your kinks and thought to myself I might have an interesting idea for a story if you are interested in it, of course!

So, I am a big fan of Alpha (ARC Commander Alpha from the comics) and Captain Fordo (From the 2003 cartoon). I haven’t seen you write for them, or talk of them, but your bio says you are a reader of the lore, if I am lucky enough would you be willing to write my thot for one of them? If not, that is fine.

Here is the idea:

The female reader is one of many civilians that join the Republic military following the first year of the war, and she trains and fights alongside (your choice of clone). She often disappears to remote areas of the base or Star Destroyer to write her own fantasies of being with (choice of clone). But this time, she can’t seem to find her data pad (I think that’s what it is called) in her footlocker that sat in front of her bunk. Not wanting to ask anyone who was in the barracks, she slightly panics until (choice of clone) clears his throat. Turning around slowly, she is horrified to see her data pad in the hands of the clone she often masturbated too.

-end

I was going over the kinks you have listed and picked out a few. I used their numbers so, please forgive me for being lazy. Of course, you can pick and choose, mix, and match. Since I picked them based off what I know or feel like these particular clones are like.

3, 9, 13, 18, 20, 25, 34, 40 and 41, 54, and lastly 72. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

With much love,

Notthatfanfictionwriter

Author's Note: Awww I'm so honored you like my stuff!! And don't worry about spamming me, it flatters me so much to see people people spamming my notifs i take it as a compliment. Lord knows i've done it before to people on this webbed site. ALSO.... fordofordofordofordofordo I love Alpha but Fordo. This was a fun experiment in making the smuttiness in the form of daydreams/thoughts, rather than actually happening. I hope you and everyone else enjoys the style change. I've also never written for Fordo before, so I hope it's ok...;

Relationships: Fordo/Fem!Reader

Warnings: NSFW, Oral (Male receiving), a tiny reference to Face fucking, a tiny bit of dirty talking/voice kink, daydreaming,

''You're going to shoot yourself in the foot one day, if you keep whipping your blasters around like that."

Packing up your rifle in it's case, you look over to the clones beside you; Oone of whom was playing around with his blasters in a way that was a bit too reckless for your liking. He gives you a bit of a dirty look, while one of the other clones in his group claps his hands together and prays: 'Please let that happen please, that would be hilarious'.

His reaction makes you let out a chuff of air as a laugh, while his friend basks in his irritation. Turning away, you call the target plate you'd been using back to you, so you can clean and finish up. It's absolutely full of holes and well used, throwing it in the trash now that you're done training on it.

Maybe it would be a stretch to call it training however; As it's more just keeping yourself entertained and from getting even the tiniest bit rusty. Hyperspace is boring, especially when there isn't much to entertain yourself on a ship this large. At least planet side on base, you have some fresh air and maybe if you're lucky, you'll see a rare animal or two.

Taking your rifle case and leaving the practice range, it's a struggle to not let all the white and grey of the walls, ceiling, and floors, all blend into a blurry mess. It's quite late and the ships lights are dimmed slightly lower, in a way to poorly simulate a regular day night cycle. As such, it's late. You don't know how many hours it's been since you've last gotten some rest, but it's long enough that you're going to make a straight line right to your tiny little broom closet of a room, and lay down.

"You're going somewhere fast,"

You only look up one you realize they're speaking to you, seeing familiar red painted armor. One of Fordo's men, judging by the particular markings. His standing guard at his station at the crossroads of two hallways, the other person that should be with him seems to be missing from his post at the moment.

"Got bored at the range, and no one's roped me into training against yet. So I'm gonna try and get some shut eye." The trooper nods, his one note chuckle distorted ever so slightly be the reverb of his helmet.

"Don't let me keep you." You wouldn't mind having a chat but, unfortunately your thin, cold bed is a bit more tempting at the moment.

"Tell Fordo I said hi?" His hands shift on his rifle, nodding. "Will do. I'm sure he'll be glad to hear it." Nodding you take your leave, not keeping the trooper from his duties any longer.

While it can admittedly be a bit lonely at times being one of a few civilian fighters aboard a vessel full to the brim with clones, but at least you have your barracks to get away from it sometimes. A nice part about it being that only half of the beds in it have actually been claimed, and with the ship's work rotations always moving, it's not uncommon for you to be completely alone at times.

Punching in the code and entering once again it seems everyone's gone, at least until someone has the same idea as you to steal a little time for yourself. On a Venator class ship you're always on call, but at least for this moment, you're free. It probably won't last long at all but at least you can enjoy this moment of freedom, for as long as you have it.

Grabbing your personal datapad from your locker you decide that in your rare moment you'd work on a bit of a personal hobby. Maybe you can write a little bit before you get too tired to keep your eyes open.

It's more a guilty pleasure than anything; Some self indulgence during a phase where you have little to no time to yourself.

None of this will ever, ever see any eyes beyond yours, as it's meant just for you to enjoy.

It would be mortifying for anyone to lay eyes on it, just in general, let alone if they realized the main male character served as little more than a fog over what was pretty much Fordo down to the atom.

Gods, you were inconsolable. In the dark writing dirty little stories about you and the man you're infatuated with, your commanding officer, you might as well hide under the covers and sneak around as if trying not to get caught.

Opening the current thing you've been toiling away on you read all the way to where you had previously stopped; Right before things were starting to get good. Biting the inside of your cheek your fingers slowly type, trying to put your sordid thoughts to words.

The heat of your breath brushes over the harsh material of his armor, almost fogging it. You can feel his gloved hand on you, cradling the crown of your head with a firm pressure. He keeps that pressure, ever increasing, until your lips drag against the fabric of his flightsuit. The waterline of your bottom lip touches the fabric just for a moment, leaving a tiny darkened stain of spit.

The room has been nearly silent other than two sets of gentle breathes, but when he finally does speak, the deep rumble of his voice cuts through the still air like a vibroknife. It makes your thighs tense, pressing together as you feel the thumb of your heart beat in your cunt.

"Take it off for me. Or do you like the feeling?"

He doesn't have a name, but whenever you imagine him- it's always Fordo. It's so desperate and almost pathetic, but at least you keep your thoughts jotted down here instead of making a fool of yourself in the field.

Clumsy hands freeing his cock from the fabric you can feel the heat of it against your face; Against your lips as your wrap them around the tip. That unique taste, tongue against the head of his cock. His hand doesn't shove your head down to gag on him, but instead just serves as a weight, firm guidance as your lips slide down towards the base.

He keeps it slow, steady listening to the way your mouth makes the wettest, lewdest sounds as his hips twitch upward towards your mouth. He's only a small bit of pressure away from taking complete control, his chest rising and falling faster as he lets out a groan.

"Kriff; Come on, you can take a bit more. I know you can."

You know Fordo isn't talkative. He often times rarely if ever speaks until he absolutely has to. Would that change when he's exposed like this? Or would he continue to be a stalwart, silent man- peering down at you between his thighs?

Neither option is less preferable, but it's impossible to deny the desire to have your Commander 'command' you. That stern voice, maybe distorted by the echo of his helmet, or perhaps not, telling you in intimate detail what he wants you to do to him. Or what he wants to do to you.

Your mouth takes as much of him as you possibly can, the wet heat of your mouth pulling a low, shaking groan from him. Suddenly however he grips your hair and begins to pull you off of his cock, looking down at little stains of spit that dot either corner of your mouth.

"Enough of that. On the desk."

You can't resist the way your thighs press together just a little bit more at the ghostly voice of Fordo in your head saying such things.

Not as if there was ever a single bit of hesitation in your mind, you quickly come up off your knees, standing in front of him in the small space between his chair and the desk. With one hop you move to sit on it and watch as he stands, filling the space between your thighs. His hips force them to spread wider, hands moving to grip your hips and pull you close enough that you teeter just on the edge, grinding against him. You can feel the weight of his cock against your thigh, slick with your own spit.

His own hand lines himself up with your entrance, the other still harshly gripping your hip as he slowly, slowly-

Suddenly, a voice interrupts you from your thoughts before you can continue with them.

"Captain Fordo is requesting you in his quarters. Something about your next mission."

Your head suddenly turns on a swivel, only to see a trooper standing in the doorway of your small barracks. He's delivered his order and takes his leave before you even have a chance to recover from your surprise.

You have to go, as much as you might want to finish up what you'd been in the middle of. You decide to just roughly jot down the rest of what's in your mind, just so you don't forget.

Throwing your legs off the side of the bunk they hit the ground with a soft thud. You've been there multiple times, but not for anything close to the lewdness you think up when it's late. He's probably just going to update you on some innocuous report, before then dismissing you. As much as you would hope it would be a little bit more exciting.

Arriving and opening the door to his quarters it's the exact same as the last time you'd been here; Sparce and devoid of anything beyond the bare necessities. Not uncommon, for clone quarters. Fordo is standing close to the small desk towards the side of the room, looking up when he notices you. The way he perks up slightly isn't lost on you, though he presumably is just surprised to see you here so quickly.

And in usual nature for Fordo, he's right to the point.

"We're exiting hyperspace soon. When we drop planetside, I'd like you to take sniper support. Since our usual is still in the medbay."

Seems simple enough. You nod, making a mental note to give your rifle a once over before you head out. Not that it needs it, but you enjoy the peace of mind the action gives you. Better safe then sorry.

"Sure thing. I'll be ready by then."

He expects no less than that from you, and you haven't let him down once yet. He watches you leave, the door closing behind you. He has no need to lock it, so instead he sits back down in his chair, leaning back ever so slightly. Dark brown eyes glance to the left, and notice something unfamiliar resting on the corner of the desk.

She left her datapad here? Picking it up Fordo glances over the unlocked screen, before deciding to take a look. He doesn't really see any innate harm from it, until he starts reading and realizes just what he's gotten into.

The flush of her skin, it feels so hot to the touch it might almost boil. His cock feels almost in her stomach, impossibly deep and stretching her perfectly. Every move he makes the sound of skin on armor echoes in the small, cold confines of the room, now filled with the scent of sex.

He's rough; You feel any harder and he's going to leave marks. On your hips, thighs, the way his teeth scrape against the exposed skin of your neck.

Fordo in all his stalwart nature falters, reading the lewd words you'd written up and feels his face getting a bit hot.

The edge of the desk digging into your stomach it's impossible not to hear the way it groans until the battering it's taking, as he fucks you almost into the desk itself. Your hands grip the edge like it's a lifeline, toes curling in your boots as you feel your own wet arousal slick against your outer lips and almost leaking down your inner thighs.

"F-For-" A rough thrust of his hips cuts off your words before you even have a chance to speak them. Your legs tighten around him even has the edges of his armor rub uncomfortably against your skin, but you're too foggy minded by the way he's fucking you to care in the slightest.

You'd slipped up; And while you'd avoided using any names through hundreds, even thousands of words, you forgot and habitually wrote his name in once.

It's... Enlightening.

Fordo has long thought his secret affections for you were largely nonsense and had relegated them to a secured lockbox at the back of his head, so to see that it seems to go both ways, he's nervous but, hopeful.

He keeps reading, and soon finds himself immersed in your daydreams like they're his own.

You get back to your barracks in record time, still apt to finish your little daydream before you have to purge it from your mind again. The light flicks on the moment it sees motion, walking in the direction of your bunk. But when you reach to grab your datapad and get back to your little moment of self indulgence, you notice that it's nowhere to be seen.

Oh shit.

Where is it? You swore you'd left it here when you had gone to talk to Fordo, but then you remember that it had been in your hands, and the only option is that you'd left it behind in his quarters.

Which is an actual nightmare scenario, considering what is on it. There's more than a fair share of things you'd never want anyone to see, let alone him. You just hope you can get it back, before he gets a little bit curious. As no matter how cut and by the rules Fordo is, curiosity is a tempting beast.

Bursting off the bunk you quickly race down the halls backtracking all the way to Fordo, where you quickly open the still unlocked door. Once you do, you see the red paint of his armor, along with something in his hands. It seems like your nightmare has come true, even as you speak as if attempting to see that you've misread what is happening in front of you.

"Fordo? What are you-" He gets up from his seat, still holding the piece of technology in his hands.

"You left this behind." Your entire body freezes up. You can tell by the way he isn't exactly meeting your gaze that he absolutely saw what was on it, at minimum what you were currently working on. Gently taking it from his hands you hold it close, pursing your lips.

"You are a very good writer. At least, as far as my experience goes." Fordo hasn't exactly had the time to read to many things beyond reports in his time.

He, decides not to bring up where he'd glossed over his name, but instead uses it as fuel to say something he'd been hoping to gather up the courage to do for quite awhile.

He'll have to keep it a secret but; Kriff it. He wants a day off. With you.

"When we're back planet side, how about we get a drink." You're still wide eyed holding your datapad close, but can't help but nod.

Well, this all turned out a bit different than you'd expected. Not that you're complaining.

"Yeah, sure. I'd like that."

[wineauntenergy]

Remus banged his head against the wall. His flight had been delayed again, and he would’t be getting back to London until the next morning.

Dragging his feet, he set out to find a place comfortable enough to sleep. The airport felt like a ghost town, since two am wasn’t really a time people wanted to dedicate to wandering around in the dark. Nearly all the lights were out, and there wasn’t a soul in sight, besides the few other passengers of his flight who hadn’t been able to book a hotel room for the night.

He settled on just laying down on a couple of seats by his gate, and tried to doze of.

Yeah, that wasn’t going to work. It had only been ten minutes, and his back was already aching. Not to mention the annoying bastard snoring behind him.

Remus tried to ignore the sounds, but it seemed impossible. He turned around, determined to wake some sixty year old man up and tell him to shut the fuck up, thank you and please, but a very different person than what he had been expecting laid on the row of stools at his back.

A young man, probably close to his own age, was sleeping face up with his shoulder length black hair sprawled around his face.

Remus felt as though he’d been tricked. His whole plan was now ruined, because he could absolutely not wake this man up. He preferred not getting any rest over having to interact with what could very well be the prettiest boy he’d ever seen. Dying of exhaustion was a positive outcome in this scenario.

But god, did he snore loudly and obnoxiously for someone that attractive. And Remus was, well, to put it lightly, about to pass out. So he made the decision that would most likely end up in a very awkward conversation.

As he tapped the man’s shoulder with a shy finger, he half hoped that he’d have the ugliest eyes in the world, to make up for the rest of him being criminally handsome. That would certainly make the whole thing less embarrassing for him.

But, lo and behold, his eyes were as lovely as one would have expected. Remus’ breath stopped for a second, in regret. Oh god, he was awake. No turning back now.

“Holy shit, am I dead? Are you an angel?” The stranger’s voice, hoarse with sleep, surprised Remus.

“What? No, I’m not an angel. And I think you’re alive?” He cocked his brow, all nervousness lost. This man was an idiot, of that he was sure. “Why the fuck would you be dead?”

The stranger chuckled, and covered his eyes with his hand, embarrassed. He peeked at Remus from between his fingers before he explained.

“Just not used to being woken up by cute boys at...” He checked his phone quickly. “... two thirty am. To what do I owe you the pleasure?” He sat up, facing Remus, who was still looking at him as though he’d lost his mind.

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t just hear all... that, and get to the point.” Remus sighed, rubbing his eyes tiredly. “I’m absolutely knackered, and I can’t very well sleep if you keep sounding like a buzz saw.” Sleep deprived, Remus had never been too discrete. Considering he’d been ready to yell at an old man for the same crime, he thought he’d been very nice to the snoring beauty.

“That’s great mate, I sure as hell don’t snore, but I’ll try to breathe quieter if that satisfies the princess and the pea.” Huffing, the man laid down again.

Remus couldn’t help but let out a laugh.

“You sound like a train, Rapunzel.”

The boy shot up once again.

“Do not!”

“Do too!” Intrigued by the person he’d been arguing with, Remus felt as though he’d lost all interest in sleeping.

“Listen here, smartass. One, my name is not Rapunzel, it’s Sirius.” The boy- Sirius- spoke confidently, with a finger up, as if giving a speech. You could hear a smile creeping underneath his pretend serious voice. “Two, I do absolutely not snore. Now, if you’d be so nice, could I get your name? So I know who to sue for defamation of character.”

Remus snickered, amused by Sirius’ curious gaze. “Remus. My name is Remus. You should know I’m represented by the very best lawyer in town. We’d kick your ass.”

“In that case I’ll have no option but to drop the lawsuit. I’m afraid there’s one thing I’ll need for compensation, though.” He was no longer trying to hide his grin, and god, Remus swore his whole stomach flipped. Judging by the faint blush on Sirius’ cheeks, the flirting was not simply banter.

“Shoot. My team and I will see what we can do.”

“As you so rudely decided to wake me up, and I clearly can not go back to sleep now, knowing a handsome bloke I could potentially chat up is sleeping merely meters away from me, I demand you stay up and keep me company. How’s that?”

Remus shot an eyebrow up.

“Who’s saying you’re chatting me up, huh?”

“Angel, we both now the answer to that.”

Needless to say, the very next morning, both of them wanted to die. But hey, they’d each acquired a new contact on their phones.

——————-

If you read through that whole mess, I’m sorry and thank you

[goldenspecter]

Cosmo’s TMNT Masterpost

(Rise, 2003, 2012, and others)

Here’s where you can find pretty much everything I’ve ever made for the TMNT fandom! Fanfics here[haven’t gotten the courage to post fanart here yet], hope you guys enjoy my work. Reblogs are appreciated!

Fanfics

1. Finding my way home(and moving forward)

Out of sheer curiosity, Leonardo and Donatello looked up, and there it was.

A portal.

Had the Universe really taken pity on them? Had it really heard his desperate prayers for one more chance?

It was not like the ones they had seen before, it was an irregular circle made up of several shades of blue, completely different from the perfect and symmetrical pink triangles of the Kraang.

Leonardo and Donatello looked into each other's eyes for a few moments, "Should we go in?" Donatello asked, almost shouting, drawing the attention of the others, who quickly turned to the portal and to see each other, then the two brothers in question.

"It's our best bet, and our only chance," replied Leonardo.

Or rather, with the 2012 kids' home gone, they end up in the Rise verse after a strange portal shows up. Therapy is needed, and start the slow process of healing from their trauma.

(Rise/2012, Work in Progress, written with @keeryd​ )

2. Strawberry Cookies:

"Mikey here was just about to tell me what we could do to cheer Raph up while he's sick," Donnie says. "Mikey continue?"

Now that Mikey had both of his older brothers attention, he grins. "I was thinking we make strawberry cookies!" He does his jazz hands as he says this and is met with looks of something that he can only put as disapproval. "What?"

"You do know that everytime that we have tried to make it-" Donnie starts.

"We mess it up and Raph has to come in and save our butts from burning the cookies?" Leo finishes, "What would be different this time?"

Mikey huffs, "We are doing this so we can cheer him up and to prove that we can do something on our own!" he says, "That's what got Raph sick in the first place!"

Or rather, Raph gets sick after helping his brothers recover from the poisoned pizza puffs. Mikey, Donnie, and Leo take a shot at baking cookies for Raph while trying not to burn their kitchen down.

(One shot, complete)

 3. Chicken Fried Rice:

“I only poured in half a pot of rice,” Donnie complained.

Mikey stared at him, really stared at him before he spoke. “You do realize that rice expands when cooked right?” he said, “You do realize that?”

Donnie was silent, looking away from Mikey.

“Donnie!”

Donnie makes chicken fried rice. Mikey watches over. Shenanigans and brotherly fluff ensue.

one shot in which Donnie is in the kitchen, cooking rice and Mikey, Mikey is positive he should have gotten Donnies braincell. 

(One shot, complete)

 4. Tea Time with Hortense and Patty: 

"Sooo," Raph starts. She's always been weird with awkward silences. "Are these grandma kinning hours?"

"Grandma hours!" Mikey exclaims excitedly. "Grandma time!!!"

"Ah, if it isn't our favorite girl and her little brother!" Hortense tilts her head over in their direction slightly. "Are you going to join us? We were just about done arguing," she says.

---

Today is Tea Time. Two old ladies have a tea party, one of them forgets to bring the food, and they are joined by Mikey and Raph. A good time is still had.

(One Shot, Complete)

5. One of those Days

When Donnie woke up this morning, he woke up with the familiar thrum of anger and irritation running through his body with more intensity than normal. Rubbing the crust out of the corners of his sleep-addled eyes, he jerkily grabbed his phone and turned off the alarm. It's one of Those Days, Donnie noted. Those Days where Donnie isn't capable of handling Mikey's over-enthusiastic optimism or Leon's chaotic trickster nature. His safest bet is to hang out with Raph, his calm and mellow demeanor always helped calm down before Donnie went on a rage fest and say anything he couldn't take back.

Or, Donnie and Raph help each other out, balance each other, and make things a little less difficult.

(One Shot, Complete) 

 6. Gift Hunting: 

“It’s Leo. Tiny Leo,” the voice answers. “I need your help with something.”

“What is it?”

“I can’t say until you say yes first,” Leo says. “It’s really important though.”

Angelo is silent, weighing his options. He could say no, he really could-

“Please, Angelo, you’re the only one who can really help me with this,” Leo pleads.

Rather, Angelo and Leonardo go out in the streets of New York to help the blue banded turtle find gifts for his brothers' sixteenth mutation day. Bonding and fluff ensues.

(One Shot, Complete)

 7. Aftermath:

“Raphie bear?” Mikey called out, gently tapping Raph, with relief washing him when Raph turned his head to face him. “What’s the matter teddy bear?”

“Th-thi-this doesn’t feel real.” Raph stuttered out, his voice cracking as a sob broke through. “I’m not really here. Neither are you and everyone else. I’m still alone with Draxum and his minions. No one’s coming to save me because I was stupid enough to get captured and no one wants such a worthless turtle like me.”

In which Raph was kidnapped and tortured by Baron Draxum and his family has to deal with the aftermath of it.

(One Shot, Complete)

 8. To Be the Eldest

Donnie, the second youngest in his family, wishes he was the eldest for once. Then one night, Donnie gets his wish granted and now he was three small turtles in his care.

Donnie adjusts to being the eldest, comes to some realizations, and makes a promise to his (now) younger brothers.

(Work In Progress)

 9. Wanted: Snaggletooth 

Dr. Noel bent down on his knees in front of Raph, a manic smile that showed too many teeth coming about on his face speaking of pain and suffering that has yet to come. He stretched out his hand towards Raph’s face, placing a thumb under his mouth, pressing into his snaggletooth. “Beautiful. Just as I expected,” he crooned, pulling out a syringe and injecting it into Raph’s neck, pushing the contents of the syringe into his system.

Raph’s eyes fluttered as he started losing consciousness, watching through hooded eyes as Dr. Noel's smile grew even wider, with his last thought right as darkness consumed him being that he hoped his family would find him before it was too late.

Post S2 Finale, Dr. Noel remembers Raphael, his snaggletooth, and manages to find and capture the red masked turtle. It doesn't end well for Raphael.

(Work In Progress)

 10. Dimensional Differences:

They bow. Not like one of those pretentious bows like she would do at Yokai parties and not like the ones she would do with her brothers when they hosted tea parties. They bowed deeply, heads stopping at her stomach, one hand closing around their fists. This spoke of respect and honor.

And that unnerved her a little bit. Why are they bowing so deeply?

“Thank you,” they said in unison. It’s unnerving to April and she felt the uneasiness coming from her brothers too.

“Why are you thanking me?” She said finally, voice sounding foreign to her.

“You saved my life?” Baby Leo said slowly, voice tinged with confusion. “That was an honorable thing to do?”

April blinked, “It shouldn’t be considered honorable for doing what any big sister would do,” she said. “That’s not honor, that’s just being a good older sibling.”

In which April, Sunita, Casey, and the turtles end up in the 2012 verse after a mishap with Leo's ōdachi and stay with the 2012 turtles until they can go home. They find out a lot of things that don't quite jive with them. Some things are the same, some things are different and they're not quite sure how to handle those differences.

(Rise/2012, Work In Progress)

 11. Mind Meld Part Deux:

“Oh thank Galileo that you all are back to normal!”

“What do you mean we’re back to normal?” Raph questioned, pulling back from the hug. Mikey and Leo also pulled back to stare at Donnie. “We’ve-we’ve always been like this?”

Donnie went quiet. He shouldn’t have said that.

“Donnie, what did you do?”

The brothers found out about Donnie’s Mental Intelligence Reprogrammulator. Arguments are had, words are said, words that tear a rift between him and his family, and it’s up to Donnie to earn his brothers’ forgiveness. The only thing is, will he get it?

(Work In Progress)

 12. I'm a little kid and so are you(don't you go and grow up before I do):

The 2003 turtles somehow, someway ended up in the Rise verse, with Rise Splinter and his turtle tots, and stay with them while the boys try to figure out their way home. 2003 Raphael got attached to his tiny counterpart the moment he laid eyes on the tot. (Raph centric)

(Rise/2003, Work In Progress)

 13. Dimensional Self-Isolation

Post S2 Finale, Raph finds himself trapped in the 2012 universe and has a difficult time coping with all of the differences that this world has in store for him. From new villains, unfamiliar familiar faces, and the way the 2012 boys and Splinter treat each other and him, Raph has a heavy plate on his hands during his long term stay.

(Rise/2012, Work In Progress)

14. A Collection of Turtle Thoughts

A collection of drabbles and ficlets about Turtles I've been writing since October 2020. Ranges from humor to hurt/comfort, I have it all.

Requests are open. SFW only though.

(All Iterations, Work in Progress)

If y’all reblog, read, and share my work, I’d really appreciate that! Anything and everything is appreciated, money or not! Thanks folks 🐢💕

[magnoliapip]

Ranked: Mother of the Year (Choices) Main Characters

I can’t sleep so that means I need to make another list that I’m not going to proofread before I post, right? Of course it does. But before we start, please remember this is my opinion on who I liked best. Not who impacted the story the most, not who was the best written fictional character of all time, yada yada. This is my personal opinion of the characters I liked best.

Spoilers WILL be featured below. You have been warned.

#13 -- Tallulah Copeland

Tallulah is a parent to a child at Bernhardt Academy, a friend of Vanessa Blackwood, and an active member of the PTA. Hugo is her partner.

This woman. I would flat forget this woman existed until she would show up again just to wreak havoc on MC’s day, usually at someone else’s urging. Every single time she spoke, I just wanted it to be over and she is just an awful, AWFUL person. She’s also the only awful person in this book who never pretends to be nice and/or never apologizes for her actions. Just an all around nasty person.

#12 -- Hugo

Hugo is a parent of a child at Bernhardt Academy and an active member of the PTA. Tallulah is his significant other.

If you’re actually reading these little blurbs, you have to be wondering “MagnoliaPip? How in the hell is Hugo ranked lower than two other unmentionables in this story?”

Thank you for asking, no one ever.

Put frankly, Hugo just annoyed the crap out of me. I know that’s supposed to be part of his character, but it went above and beyond the scope of acceptable annoyance. I grew to hate every second he was speaking. He never really contributed anything to the plot other than some irritating drivel. He wasn’t an antagonist, but he also wasn’t a pleasing good guy. He’s also the reason I’m considering not re-reading this book again right away like I want to.

#11 -- Guy Ledford

This man. This. Man. THIS MAN!

This part is going to include major spoilers, y’all, so if you haven’t read it and are still intending to, skip away now!! Again, major spoilers from here on out kids.

Guy Ledford is your main character’s ex-husband who has been absent for four years since the start of the book and wants to reconnect with his daughter. He is also a CEO of a snack food company/app, Nomme. He is the main antagonist of the book.

The reason I didn’t rank him lower is he genuinely adds something to the plot. He IS the plot. He’s the reason this book exists. However, he is such a scumbag he deserves nothing. He feels like a trope for quite a lot of the time, but at least he’s not physically abusive like a true trope could have been (at least, I never noticed him being physically abusive). Just, you know, a gaslighting, manipulative, arrogant, rude, selfish son of a-

I also love that they named him “Guy”. I’ve only ever met one man named this in my life, so it’s funny to me that they named this jerk “Guy” so it’s not only the most generic sounding name (did his parents also get a dog named “Dog” and a cat named “Kitty”?), but also one that a lot of men won’t likely have so they don’t have to get name checked in relation to him.

I like that you can get a good outcome (Guy ends up with joint custody with visitations  every weekend and having to back pay) without spending diamonds in this game as long as you make the right choices, but for those who DID spend all of the diamonds, I would have liked to have seen Guy end up with worse. I would have liked to see, if you made most of the right choices and bought all of the diamond stuff, him ending up with every other weekend or maybe just visitation. I know he’s trying to be a good dad (but still an absolutely terrible human being), but every weekend seems like so much when your daughter is in school.

#10 -- Augustus Blackwood

August Blackwood is one of Vanessa Blackwood’s sons and is a student at Bernhardt Academy.

I’m not going to spend a lot of time on this one. But he hurt my daughter and that’s enough. I would have liked to have seen him fleshed out a little bit more beyond being basically just a schoolyard bully. His motivations for his actions are hinted on, but nothing is really ever done and he’s mostly just a prop for something to hurt your daughter.

#9 -- Vanessa Blackwood

Vanessa Blackwood is the president of the PTA, a single mom, and a lawyer and becomes an antagonist to your character.

I’m probably going to get hate for this, but I want to like Vanessa. Obviously, she’s hateful and offensive, in some very, very unredeemable ways, but there’s something about characters like that which makes me want to forgive them and teach them how to be better. How to rehabilitate their bitterness. I felt it with Olivia Nevrakis, I felt it with Victoria Fontaine, and I know certain people in the fandom felt it with Becca Davenport and Poppy Min-Sinclair. 

**DISCLAIMER** Keep in mind, I’m not trying to excuse homophobia and racism here. They are both despicable things and should be accounted for. However, after having grown up in a homophobic and racist home and learning to leave that shit in the dust by the time I was eighteen and SLOWLY teaching my family to do the same over the course of the last 10 years, I believe people can change if you give them room and help to. Not everyone will, not many people will, but I believe in giving the chance. We need to force people to take responsibility and learn from their mistakes. Should the book have been approved as a series rather than a stand alone, I think this might have been a very real option within book 2.

#8 -- Ajax “AJ” Blackwood

Ajax Blackwood is one of Vanessa Blackwood’s sons and a student at Bernhardt Academy.

AJ is the quieter of the Blackwood boys, AJ is a shy kid who hates that his brother is mean just as much as your daughter does. He finally has enough within the book and stands up to him, which was more than a little satisfying and he does seem to have a genuinely good heart. I think it would be so cute for him, your daughter, and Luz to be their own adorable trio of friends. 

#7 -- Levi Schuler

Levi Schuler is your neighbor who helps save the day for MC early on in the book and becomes a friend to both her and your daughter. He is also one of your love interests.

And if this list is going to invoke hate from the masses, it will be this entry that does it. I know how loved Levi is. And I love him too! I just find him, and his musician plot, to be a bit tiring. He’s a wonderfully supportive friend/love interest, just about one of the nicest people, and he’s great with your daughter. I swear, all of the love interests in this book would be god tier in any book. It’s truly unfair to the others that we got three amazing ones here along with a great cast of characters. However, since that did happen, Levi will sit here at #7. He can have a consolatory rugelach while I continue on.

#6 -- Faye Devore

Faye Devore is your ex-husband’s new girlfriend, a younger social media influencer.

I loved Faye. Right from the start, I loved Faye. I prayed they weren’t going to make this into one of those books where we were supposed to hate the “other woman” because those plots are old, outdated, and overused. Thankfully, MOTY lets us skirt right around it and we end up with a wonderful character like Faye, who is the human definition of having the best intentions.

She gets on well with your daughter, even pointing out to MC at one point that she thinks of her like a little sister, and goes above and beyond to make her happy. She is genuinely upset about going against MC’s wishes about your daughter appearing on social media and doesn’t appear to want to cause any harm or hard feelings with MC at any point during the book. In fact, she wants to be friends. 

I would have loved for this and for it to be fleshed out more, again, if we had ever gotten a book 2. I’m also that jerk who would have totally romanced her in a replay and would have emptied my wallet to get a scene in that hypothetical book 2 where Guy finds out. Take that homophobe!

#5 -- Dr. Eiko Matsunaga

Dr. Eiko Matsunaga is a science teacher who teaches at the private school your daughter goes to and becomes friendly with MC because of your daughter. She is also one of your love interests.

If I would have had a teacher like Dr. Matsunaga when I was in school, maybe I would have cared about science at any point during my childhood. Eiko is so incredibly smart but has a heart of gold. She could be off teaching at colleges or writing published journals, but she’s teaching elementary science at a private school and honestly enjoying herself! She wants to see children succeed and will give any child who wants to do so, like your daughter, all of the help they need.

I want to romance her. I want to be her friend. I want it all because I’m selfish even when I don’t because I could never possibly be worthy of the supremacy that is Eiko. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

#4 -- Your Daughter / Zoey

Your daughter is 9 years old at the start of the book and desperately wants to be an astronaut. She is a science whiz and moves from public school to Bernhardt Academy at the beginning of the book to kickstart her education.

It makes me so sad that I will never actually have this child. “Zoey” is just so smart and funny and sweet and I love her so much. I spent so many diamonds on her. She’s a pixelated little bundle of amazing and I would die for her. That’s it.

#3 -- Alma Velasco

Alma Velasco is your neighbor, best friend, and (for part of the time) co-worker.

What did our character do to deserve such an amazing ride-or-die friend like Alma? She never disbelieves MC, is forever supportive as a shoulder to cry on and a supplier of good wine, and also helps MC out of more than one pinch. Seriously an amazing friend, and I wish we could have done something equally amazing for her to reciprocate.

#2 -- Thomas Mendez

Thomas Mendez is a lawyer and a single dad who becomes friends with MC very early on in the book. He is also one of your three love interests.

A big reason for why Thomas is at #2 is because of who #1 is but we’ll get there in a second.

There’s also something about Thomas that speaks to me as a person. It’s more than just being interested as a love interest or as a friend. There’s something about who he is. His awkwardness, his humor, his kindness and his generosity all make him someone I envy as much as I admire.

He takes on MC’s case pro bono when he doesn’t have to. He shrugs it off like it’s no big deal, but stepping back and looking at the it, by all accounts he was walking into a handily losing situation. He was also super busy at this time being a single parent himself and working on his class action lawsuit. That’s not even saying anything about him still grieving for Soledad.

However, the biggest reason I love Mr. Mendez is...

#1 -- Luz Mendez

Luz Mendez is a student at Bernhardt Academy who becomes best friends with your daughter early in the book. She is a soccer and art fan.

This little girl is the best thing I have ever read in my entire life. She made the entire book. Every character that came before her pales in comparison to her majesty. She is a goddamn queen and deserves everything.

Every scene with her is gold and I wish we had more. This little girl was completely willing to curb stomp someone with her cleats at the courthouse if something would have happened to your daughter. She is so aggressively herself and it is a joy to see. The relationship between her and her father is what really kept me going through the book’s more difficult spots. There is such true love and acceptance there, as well as the drive and desire to do better for the other than I just...There is really no way for me to properly explain the perfection that is Luz Mendez so I guess you’ll just have to read it yourself.

---

I’m not sure why it took me so long to start reading Mother of the Year (MOTY), but I’m so glad I did. In 3 days flat I binged the entire book, wasted so many accumulated diamonds, and had the time of my life. The cast of characters in MOTY is perfect and I wanted to rank them according to my opinion on which ones were the best. I ranked all of the characters I found to be profound enough to matter to the storyline or that MC or “Daughter” had enough interactions with to matter. As a result, there are several characters who didn’t make this list. 

Sound off below if you wish.

[katnissmellarkkk]

AN: HI! I’m new here to writing Everlark. I haven’t written anything in a couple years so I’m probably really rusty but I decided to write this after being inspired the other day by a thread of “what if Peeta hadn’t been hijacked in Mockingjay”. So this is my idea of what might have been, had Peeta still been captured at the end of Catching Fire but only tortured, never hijacked. It got a little long (re: really long) so I decided to split it up into two or maybe three chapters. So here’s the first one and please forgive any errors.

 I hope anyone reading this has a good day! 

Shattered Pearl

| Part Two |

/

Peeta's already awake, sitting on the side of the bed, looking bewildered as a trio of doctors reassure him, flash lights in his eyes, check his pulse. I'm disappointed that mine was not the first face he saw when he woke, but he sees it now. His features register disbelief and something more intense that I can't quite place. Desire? Desperation? Surely both, for he sweeps the doctors aside, leaps to his feet and moves towards me.

I feel his arms lock around my waist and in a desperate motion, he uses his weak, shaky limbs to lift me midair.

I comply without hesitation. Feeling his chest against mine, breathing in his scent for the first time in months, burying my face in his throat, gives me the strength I'd lacked since the last night in the arena.

I feel moisture hit the space where my shoulder meets my neck and I realize instantly Peeta's crying. I feel my mouth quiver in awe as my hand finds its way in his now dirty, unwashed, matted hair.

"I missed you," Peeta whimpers against me and the feeling of his lips moving at my neck sends an involuntary thrill through my body.

"I missed you so much," I cry against him truthfully, squeezing him tighter, trying to just confirm to myself, reassure myself, that he's actually really here.

As if reading my mind he whispers, "I usually wake up by now."

I laugh unsteadily, the noise coming out like a choke more than a chortle, and pull back against my own wishes to frame his face with my hands. "You're not dreaming," I promise.

He leans his forehead against mine and I meet his sorrow, broken, haunted baby blues. "We shouldn't be here," he suddenly states, as if we're not in a room surrounded by doctors and workers of District 13. And Haymitch. When my expression contorts to confusion, he clarifies. "I don't think we're safe here, Katniss."

His voice is no more than a hushed murmur and so, for some reason, I think I can convince him with gentle, reassuring words. I had somehow forgotten just how much Peeta could understand about people who he'd spent so little time with. How he trusted Finnick almost right off the bat but how he instinctively knew the people of the Capitol were vile. How he understood before I did what it meant to be a piece in someone else's game.

Still I think it's going to help for me to say, "I'm here, Peeta. I won't let anyone hurt you."

"Katniss," he stops, shaking his head. "You're not safe here."

"Mr. Mellark," one of the doctors cuts in now. "Why don't you sit back down? We need to finish examining you."

I feel my face turn slightly red as I realize I'm still being held up by Peeta, but I quickly dispel the embarrassment, knowing that every citizen in this country watched me and Peeta during extremely—albeit forced—intimate and personal moments of the games. Us holding each other is nothing in comparison.

Peeta reluctantly sets me on my feet, but neither of us let go of the other. He pulls me to sit on the hospital bed, facing him while the doctors continue their prodding and poking.

I squeeze his hand every time he flinches as one of the doctors shine something in his eyes, touch a sensitive spot, ask him a question he doesn't want to answer.

I feel my eyes spill over with tears as he shakes his head to one of the inquiries. "I-I don't know?" He looks around, like a frightened animal cornered by a predator.

I can't help it. I lean in and wrap my arms around him, pressing my lips to his cheek. "It's okay," I promise, rubbing his back.

He surprises me, turning and whimpering again, "I just want them to go away."

"Okay, you heard him," Haymitch snaps, gesturing to the workers and doctors alike. "Get out. The boy wants space."

"We're not done with his exam-"

"Anything dangerously wrong with him, you'd have discovered by now. You can prod him like a test experiment after he's had time to rest," Haymitch demands.

I feel Peeta tense, glaring over at our mentor and I remember the anger he presented on television with Caesar. I recognized, even through a screen, that his rage towards Haymitch was genuine.

As the doctors clear out, the older man comes closer, until Peeta—stronger than anything he'd said thus far—halts him. "Come any closer to me or to her and I'll rip your throat out."

Haymitch and me both blanch, caught off guard. Peeta was always the kind one, the gentle, understanding one. This was the kind of reaction I'm expected to always have, not him.

Haymitch's shocked face twists into something closer to sardonic humor and he looks at me then. "Yeah, Katniss was pretty mad at me too when she first saw me on the hovercraft. Didn't you try to claw my eyes out, Sweetheart."

Before I can respond, Peeta's already beating me there. "Too bad she didn't succeed."

I feel his arm around me and I know I should try to reason with him, try to diminish some of his anger against Haymitch, but for so long I craved these arms around me, his shoulder for me to rest my head on, his smell of cinnamon and dill and something else that can never be taken away no matter where he goes. I just can't push Peeta away now. I'm not strong enough.

He rubs my back as I lay my cheek against his shoulder and give Haymitch my most apologetic look. Our mentor shakes his head understandingly at me. "Don't look at me like that, Sweetheart," he asserts gruffly.

He touches Peeta's shoulder as he walks away and I feel a pang of sympathy, because now I know, truly, deep in my bones, even if he'd never admit it, we are all Haymitch really cares about. Peeta didn't hear about his mom and brother and girlfriend. He doesn't know that Haymitch was untouchable for years to Snow because everyone he'd ever loved had been sacrificed to set an example for showing up the Capitol. How me and Peeta were the first people who stormed into his life after two and a half decades who could be used as a weapon against him.

Peeta presses his lips in my hair and I push thoughts of our mentor away. I turn my head up to look at him. "I dreamed of you whenever I could. Whenever they'd let me sleep," he whispers.

I cup his face, tracing his cheek with my shaking fingers. "How much did they hurt you?" I can't help asking—begging really is more like it. I need to know what happened to him, and if it's as bad as I imagined all this time.

"Katniss," Peeta starts and then shakes his head. He is closing down on me.

"Peeta, I need to know," I press desperately.

"No, you don't," he shoots back and I almost hear a tinge of a dark laugh and for some reason, that makes me push that much harder.

"Yes, I do. Peeta-"

"No!" He shouts and I startle, my heart skipping a beat. And then, in an instant, he's crying, harder now and I feel tears pour down my cheeks once again and he's tugging me with all the strength he has left in his battered body into his lap and rocking me, like I need to be the one taken care of. "I'm sorry," he sobs. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

"I shouldn't be pushing you," I quickly amend. "I just-I can't live with myself, knowing they tortured you because of me."

Peeta squeezes me tighter, pressing his lips all over my forehead. "Shh," he murmurs but I can't take it. He can't be comforting me right now.

"I wish it'd been me. I should have been the one captured."

His response is immediate. "The one thing I'm grateful for, is that it was me and not you. I wouldn't have survived if they had hurt you."

I shake in his arms and press myself closer, so close it's like I'm trying to climb inside of him, become an extension of him. I want to ask him how he thinks I feel then but I hold it back, not wanting to make him feel like he has to comfort me anymore than he already is.

What feels like an hour passes and we stay in a huddle on the hospital bed, him holding me tight, me clinging to him, before we finally separate.

I lift my face from his chest, slowly, and gently touch his bruised, damaged face. He looks down at me with the same loving, forlorn eyes as before, but this time he catches me completely off guard.

His lips press against mine, with more strength and fervor than I believed he was still capable of.

His lips are soft and warm and tender and I can't help but return his kiss with more enthusiasm than is probably appropriate.

It's just like the kiss on the beach, the one that caused the stirring inside of me, the one that brings the hunger up from my stomach and spreads all over my body, exploding like fireworks. I want more and more and more and I'm still never satisfied.

Peeta's hands cradle my head and his tongue slips into my mouth and I moan, embarrassingly.

He pulls back and laughs a little then and I flush slightly before glaring at him as serious as I muster, waiting for him to tease me, like he used to on the Victory Tour and during training for the Quarter Quell.

But instead he just moves his lips to my forehead, then my temple, then my cheek, before his lips move to hover over my ear. "That's what kept me alive."

//

"Katniss?" Peeta murmurs softly as I finish drying his hair. "Don't cry," he pleads.

I can't help it and I hate myself for it. I hate myself for making it more difficult on him with my emotions but I can't help the tears that keep streaming down my face as I look at the thin, brutalized, scarred body of the boy with the bread.

I did this to him. Snow tortured him to punish me and it worked. I feel worse looking at him than I could have if it'd been me instead.

God, do I wish it had been me.

I'm the one who pulled out the berries. I'm the one who refused not to honor the twelve year girl who was supposed to be my enemy. I'm the one who inspired this entire rebellion.

And Peeta paid the price.

"I'm sorry," I whisper as I comb my fingers through his blonde locks, trying to remove the deep tangles by hand. Pulling myself together slightly, for him more than myself, I scrub my other hand over my face, wiping away my snot and tears and rubbing them on my pants.

"That was gross," Peeta says after a beat and neither of us can help but laugh. "Come here," he murmurs, opening his arms to me again.

After we'd been stopped kissing in his recovery room, I'd asked him if there was anything he wanted. I promised internally that I'd get him whatever he needed, be it morphling or a better meal than the rest of Thirteen was offered, but in the end he just looked at me with those watery blue eyes and asked shyly for a shower.

"I haven't had one in months," he had whispered, breaking our every intense eye contact then. "Not a real one...Snow's men sometimes would pour this ice cold water on me when I went to sleep. It wouldn't stop for hours or until I just... passed out, I guess, but..." he'd stopped then to meet my eyes, which had to only contain devastation and remorse and probably a lot of affection but I don't know for sure, because I was too tied up in his words. "I'd like a real one. If..."

When he didn't continue, I prompted, "if, what?"

"If you'll stay with me?" He looked nervous to even ask me and I threw myself around him then and essentially soldered myself to him as we walked down the hall, to the private bathroom allotted to patients of Thirteen.

Part way through helping him undress, in between trying to hold back my gasps upon seeing the purple and black marks, the dried blood still clinging to old wounds, the burns marks, I remembered suddenly our first games.

I remembered being bashful about seeing him naked, even when he was half-dead from blood poisoning. How different things seemed now, as I helped him into the shower and only minutes later, upon his insistence, joined him.

I couldn't help it, and I knew that I should be a lot more conscious about the fact that we were naked together for first time and our bodies were bound to do things on their own accord, but I wrapped my arms around him, closed my eyes and held him until he winced out of pain.

"Sorry," I apologized, letting go, but he instantly shook his head and shifted his arms slightly and the next thing I knew I was being lifted off my feet and my head was against his chest and I could feel every beat of his heart and I couldn't stop myself from pressing kisses against his bruised skin.

Somehow, even in these horrendous circumstances, I felt safe when I was with him. Even when he was so weak that my frame—which was especially small after all the weight I'd lost since the last games—was straining his back, I never felt more protected than when I was with him.

I remembered the first games once again and how when he held me, his arms were the first to give me back the security and comfort my father's death and mother's cloud of depression had stolen away from me.

I'd held onto him as long as I could, then helped him wash the parts of his body he couldn't reach and waited patiently while he took care of the rest. When we'd been in there, under the cresending waterfall for so long that it turned to a cold and frosty liquid, Peeta cried out in fear, and I squeezed his hand in comfort as he quickly turned the shower off, wishing desperately there was more I could do.

He's still shirtless now as we sit on his hospital bed, but I already had helped him dry off and put pants on. "Come here," he urges again kindly, and I comply, scooting easily into his arms, without a second of hesitation.

I close my eyes against his bare shoulder, breathing him in again, attempting to memorize his scent in my brain.

"Katniss?" Peeta calls gently after a few minutes of just holding onto me. He sounds reluctant now and it's the only thing that causes me to break our hold. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah?" My tone has dropped three level of sweetness and sounds a lot more like my normal voice.

"Did you...did you know?"

I just stare at him for a solid minute, trying to piece together what he's asking me, willing it not to be what I think. "Know what?" I inquire, my voice more harsh than I really intended.

"About the rebels' plan?" He confirms what I begged internally not to be true.

"Excuse me?" I snap, already leaning off his thighs I'd been straddling. "What did you just ask me?"

For some reason, he doesn't even look fearful by my clearly upset tone. "Did you know what Haymitch and the others planned on doing?" His voice remains astoundingly even as he presses me.

"Seriously, Peeta? After everything—after all we've been through, you honestly think I'd ever do that to you—you seriously think that little of me? That I would betray you like that?" I explode, jumping to my feet and hardening my gaze on his face.

"No," he says after a moment—a moment too long, if you ask me. "I mean, yes! I mean, I don't know, Katniss!" He exclaims, getting desperate now. His limbs start shaking and his eyes spill over for the tenth time since our reunion and I don't know if I want to smack him or hold him tight.

"How could you think that of me, Peeta!" I yell, apparently letting my anger win over my desire to comfort him. My feelings are too hurt to let go of what he just said and I feel far too betrayed to hug him right now. "I would have told you! I would never have gone along with anything like this! You know that! You said it yourself in your televised interviews with Ceasar!"

But his voice is surprisingly strong and rivals mine in aggreivation. "I said whatever it took to protect you, Katniss. Same as I always have. And I'd have done it, unapologetically, even if you had been in on the plan the whole time."

At that, I fell silent. What do you say to that? To someone who just said they'd protect you, right or wrong, no matter what you've done?

But still, how could he believe I'd ever be part of a plan that would put my life over his? That I would even be the slightest bit willing to sacrifice him, for any cause in the world?

Hadn't I been willing to scarified myself for him when we went into the Quarter Quell? Didn't he know that? Didn't he try to convince me to live without him, knowing I'd asked Haymitch to protect him over me?

Couldn't he see how much him being in the capitol had killed me? Hadn't he heard me say I wish it was me being tortured and held prisoner?

The hurt I felt overpowered everything else, and I felt myself start to bolt for the door. Before I was gone though I couldn't resist throwing over my shoulder, "think whatever you want about me, Peeta. I don't care anymore."

///

I was still seething with anger and bitterness, as I laid next to Prim that night. I'd ran from Peeta's room to mine without stopping in between to greet anyone. Not even Gale, who'd spotted me from down the hall as I slammed Peeta's door.

I didn't want to see him, because even from across the hall I could see he was pleased. He was getting satisfaction off mine and Peeta's fighting, and I wanted to deck someone so badly right now that if he said the wrong thing it might just be him.

After all, he wasn't covered in bruises and cowering over the feeling of cold water. He could take it easily and I didn't have the willpower to restrain myself from much these days.

"Katniss," Prim brings me back to reality, her head on my chest as she tries to sleep. Our mom's breathing, in the bed across our compartment, is steady, completely immersed in the world of the unconscious. More than once I wished for her ability to shut out the world when things got too hard, wished I could do the thing I so long ago resented her for doing.

I didn't want to feel anymore.

"Hmm?" I answer my sister, still distracted by my thoughts.

"What's going on? Between you and Peeta?" She asks, her voice more awake than I realized. When she opened her clear blue eyes I didn't even see a hint of sleep fighting to overtake her in them.

"I don't know, little duck," I whisper simply.

"Katniss," she chides and I'm reminded how much she's grown since she first was called to go into the games, since I'd first volunteered for her, to save her life.

I wonder how much I've changed in her eyes. How different I am from the sixteen year old girl who once sang her lullabies to lull her to sleep, who swore she'd never be picked for the games, who promised to try and win for her.

Who'd kept her promise but had accidentally brought an entire war, and all it's side effects, on top of her. Accidentally ripped apart the only life she'd ever known.

"You can talk to me," Prim offers, her eyes genuinely full of concern for me.

I wish I didn't have to worry her, that she could have remained oblivious and innocent and naive forever.

"It's not important, Prim," I brush off softly.

"It's keeping you awake," she argued. "So it must be sort of important to you."

I sigh, giving in because I want her to get some sleep and because, a small part of me wishes I did have someone to confide in. "Peeta asked me if I was in on the rebels' plan. He asked if I lied to him in the arena."

Something flickers behind Prim's eyes, "Katniss," She starts slowly, like she's afraid I'm going to flip out and attack her. "You did lie. To Peeta, in the arena. You didn't tell him you were planning on sacrificing yourself for him."

I start to disagree, my defenses immediately coming up. "He knew that though, even if I didn't tell him in so many words."

"Yeah but, I don't know," she says gently, shrugging. "I just feel like if I were taken by the Capitol and tortured about a rebellion I didn't even know was happening, I'd have a hard time trusting just about anyone."

Her words run around my head a few times before they sunk in. I'd taken for granted that Peeta implicitly trusted me, no matter what. We'd been through two versions of the games together, been through more near death experiences and more trauma and horror and nightmares than any person should have to go through. I thought trusting each other was the one thing we could count on.

But maybe it wasn't so simple for him. Maybe Prim was right and he wouldn't know how to trust just about anyone anymore, after he was treated like a disposable and then abandoned by the entire revolution. Abused by President Snow and his guards. Used as a pawn and left to die by even the people he thought cared about him—Haymitch's name being near the top of that particular list.

My sister brought another point up that I didn't want to admit. "You've also lied to him before," she reminds me, gently, with no malice in her voice.

I nod, knowing she's right. "I have. But I thought I was protecting him."

"Maybe he thinks that's what you were trying to do with the rebellion? He's had all this time in the Capitol to sit there and think of scenarios. It had to have messed with his head."

I nod, stroking her hair. "You're wiser than I give you credit for, Prim."

She just laughs quietly. "You said you'd wake me up more often," she reminds me, thinking of our last conversation, when she made me realize how I could demand anything I wanted in exchange for being the Mockingjay.

I smile back and hug her to me, but suddenly wish I was holding someone else in my arms.

Pressing a kiss to my cheek, my sister leans up and whispers quietly, "you should go. Go talk to him."

////

I wander down the hall, no lights anywhere along the way to give me a clue if I'm even in the right place. I stumble across the floor, using my hand on the wall to guide me until my eyes fully adjust to the pitch black of the building at night.

When I finally make it to the correct hall, the one containing the hospital patients, namely the rescues, I abruptly stumble over a body leaned against the wall.

"Haymitch?" I exclaim, my mouth working before my brain to realize who was sleeping outside Peeta's room.

"Go away," he sleepily bats my legs with his hands. "Get lost."

"Not here for you."

"Hmm?" He cracks his eyes open then and starts to comprehend his surroundings. "Oh. Hi, Sweetheart."

I shuffle my feet, suddenly embarrassed getting caught trying to sneak into Peeta's room. Which is ridiculous when I really think about it, considering he's technically still, in the eyes of all of Panem, my fiancé. Husband, maybe, if you believed Caesar's interview with Peeta the night before the last games.

But Haymitch isn't in the mood to tease me or he just doesn't find my coming by in the middle of the night as strange. I guess he wouldn't. He did ride the same train as us on the Victory Tour. He is used to us sharing a bed. "You here to see the boy?"

I nod, silently, unsure if this was even the right idea, showing up here. "Well, go in there then," my old mentor urges impatiently.

I only hesitate for a second longer before I push open Peeta's hospital room door, and come face to face with the person who, for so long, I'd desperately wished for the safe return of. The person I dreamt at night of seeing again, that I'd thought of as I clenched the pearl in my fingers, rolling it around and wishing I could touch the person who'd given it to me. The person I pronounced for all of the country to see that I couldn't live without.

He's lying on his side but I can see he's awake too, his eyes bloodshot and wet and wordlessly he holds my gaze for a solid thirty seconds before he opens his mouth to speak. I just stare at him, frozen as a deer in the woods, waiting for him to make the first move but nothing comes out.

Finally he just lifts his blankets and opens his arms and before I consciously make the decision I'm there, running towards his bed and burrowing into his chest.

I surprise both myself and him when I start shaking with sobs and he whispers reassurances into my hair, his arms holding me as tightly as they're capable of.

"I'm sorry," I cry against him, feeling more bold as my face is hidden beneath the sheets and his body.

"No, Katniss. I'm the one who's sorry. I shouldn't have even asked, I just," he cuts himself off now and I feel his tears hit my face now too.

"What?" I push softly.

His lip quivers as he looks at me and all I want is to make him stop crying, to never see Peeta Mellark cry again in his entire life. "I just ... can't tell what's real and what's not anymore."

I feel my heart break inexplicably, having no words of comfort that could make what he's going through any better.

Contrition spreads across my body as strongly as the hunger his kisses brought on. "I'm sorry, Peeta. For everything."

"Don't apologize. I know you never intended for any of this to happen," he whispers, smoothing my hair back kindly.

"But it still did. Whether I meant for it or not, I still caused this rebellion. I'm still the reason Snow wanted to hurt you."

Peeta's shaking hands still manage to rub my back. "Go to sleep, Katniss," he orders gently.

I nod, my body exhausted even though my mind was still wired and wide awake. The constant rush of adrenaline that surges through my veins could be attributed as the cause of that.

I feel more tears of Peeta's roll of his face and land in my hair and without even lifting my head I dust my fingers under his eyes and rub the salt water away.

We've both cried too much for two people who are supposed leaders of a war. Heroic symbols for justice and equality, when really we're just two seventeen year olds the government can't seem to kill.

As if echoing my thoughts, he wipes the tears off my cheeks and presses his lips across the side of my face. "We need to stop making each other cry," he says with a quiet laugh.

"I know," I giggle back before I feel him wrap his arms tighter around me, cradling my head to his chest. It's what he always did for me, after I had nightmares of our first games. He'd wrap his arms so tight around me, I felt like there was no way anyone could come between to hurt either of us. It was one of the only feelings of security I'd had in years and I know I've never told him or anyone else this but somehow he wordlessly knows anyway.

I curl deeper into him and feel him kiss the shell of my ear, whispering something to me so soft and quiet I can't quite make it out.

"Goodnight, Katniss," Peeta whispers a little louder, his fingers running through my hair and gently easing me into sleep.

/////

When I wake, Peeta's already clear-eyed and entirely alert.

"How long you've been awake?" I ask groggily.

He merely shakes his head, pressing his lips to my forehead. "You didn't have any nightmares," he segues.

I smirk slightly, looking up at him now to fully meet his gaze. "That's because all my nightmares have become about losing you. Now that you're here, I'm okay."

It's not an exact quote but it conveys the message and Peeta surprises me, instead of just grinning as I expect, he leans down and presses a kiss to me, full on the mouth.

It's more intense than I'm ready for, and I don't reciprocate it as well as I should, but for some reason that doesn't bother Peeta and he pulls back to place a kiss to my nose and then my chin.

"Sorry," he immediately whispers, avoiding my eyes now. "It was the first thing I could think of to ground me."

I rub the back of his neck tenderly as he shifts to rest his cheek against where my heart beats. "Ground you?" I repeat after a moment.

Peeta hesitates like he's going to brush off the inquiry but then sighs and quietly explains. "They told me...in the capitol... that nothing between me and you was real. That you never really meant anything you said towards me, about caring about me-"

"Peeta," I cut off sternly. "You know that's not true."

"I know," he quickly assures, but his voice is too small to fully convince me.

"I meant what I said on the beach," I whisper after a pregnant silence. "I meant it when I said I need you." It's the best I can do right now and we both know it. With everything going on, I just can't sit here and dissect what I feel for both Gale and Peeta. I don't have the luxury of putting my feelings first or giving myself time to sort out my love life, while there's a rebellion resting on my shoulders.

All I can do is tell Peeta I need him and hope that it's enough, like it was the last night in the arena.

Judging by his face, it isn't now though. "I know," he murmurs, turning his head and pressing a kiss to my chest, raising goosebumps there involuntarily. "But, there was a lot me and you both did solely for the cameras," he reminds, almost defeatedly. "And... I guess sometimes it's hard for me to understand what parts were real for you. I know you care about me, Katniss, I do. But the thing is... every time I said something romantic or over the top for the games, well... they weren't necessarily untrue. I wouldn't have said them on national television if I didn't think it'd save your life but I still meant them."

I freeze, unsure what to say. I knew that, I knew he loved me with everything inside of him. I knew that, even on the Victory Tour. Didn't I just quote him saying something to me privately that spoke to his undying love for me? But I wasn't ready to give any more than I already had. Not even to the sweet boy with the bread, the kind heart who'd never turned me away, the person who was there for me no matter how much I hurt him.

He feels my body tense and continues steadily. "I don't expect you to make some kind of declaration here, Katniss. I know you're not ready. And I know you and Gale still have something between you. I just... sometimes I need to just reassure myself that there were things that happened between me and you that were real. That it wasn't all fake."

"Peeta," I say and my voice is more desperate and closer to a whimper than I anticipated. "Of course parts were real." I grab his chin and make him meet my grey, glassy eyes. "I need you," I repeat now, my voice firm as I can make it. "It's been hell these last few months with you in the Capitol. I couldn't even think straight. All I could think of was you. They had to literally sedate me because I got so upset..." my voice cracks and snaps and breaks and I squeeze my eyes shut before I can do something pathetic like sob for the tenth time on him.

He's been tortured because of me and I can't stop crying.

I'm sickening.

I feel him shift from his position with his head laying against my chest, now moving to lean over me, his breath caressing my face. His hand comes to rest on my head, his thumb brushing over my forehead soothingly, before he uses all the strength he has left to exert himself and unexpectedly rolls us over, lifting me on top of him, wrapping his arms tight around me in an embrace that comforts him just as much as me.

Instinctively, I snuggle deeper against him, my face finding a home in his shoulder. After a few minutes—and when I can talk again without the risk of my voice cracking like a weakling—I deadpan against his battered, tender skin, "Isn't this hurting you?"

Without missing a beat he replies, "yeah, you're heavier than I remember."

I raise my hand to lightly smack him when I remember the blood and bruises and scars and think better of it.

He chuckles and moves his mouth to kiss my forehead once again, his lips lingering now. "This is healing me more than you even know," he whispers into my hair but I don't think he intended for me to hear him.

//////

An hour later, two of the District Thirteen doctors enter the room, effectively breaking our embrace.

When they ask to speak to Peeta alone, I feel his grip tighten to a painful level on my hand and I, involuntarily, go into complete protective mode. "I'm not going anywhere," I inform, as much a comfort to Peeta as a threat to the doctors, willing them to try and push me.

"Miss Everdeen," President Coin's voice rings clear, despite her barely stepping foot into the room. "I'd appreciate a word with you."

I feel Peeta's body tense up beside me and his hand loosen its iron grip on mine despondently.

"I'm not leaving Peeta," I declare, not caring how much of her ire I conjure.

But a different voice joins them now, waltzing through the doorway, bumping President Coin carelessly. "I can stay with him, Sweetheart," Haymitch offers, giving me a meaningful look and I know I have no choice but to go with Coin.

My instincts still trust Haymitch, despite everything, despite him keeping the rebellion a secret from both of us, despite my initial fury upon being plucked from the arena without Peeta.

But Peeta no longer trusts Haymitch and so, because of that, I wait for him to say it's okay.

He doesn't look too confident but nonetheless, we're both outnumbered and unfortunately for me, I promised I'd be their Mockingjay, as long as they rescued Peeta and gave him an unconditional pardon. I didn't put a time-cap on that deal. "I'll be fine," he finally murmurs, his voice void of all emotion as he drops my hand a little too abrupt for my liking.

Haymitch nods now and dismisses me before focusing on Peeta and President Coin quickly directs me to follow her and I don't want to leave his room, I don't want to leave him behind again, but I know I have no choice.

Still, I lean over and kiss his cheek in front of everyone and for the first time maybe, the public affection isn't for the camera or the audience or for anyone else but for me and him and I wish it didn't sting so badly to see him avoid my eyes as soon as I pulled away.

Haymitch pats my head as I walk past him and I wonder if Peeta is mad that I have forgiven our mentor for deceiving us.

Following Coin all the way back to her office, I'm unsurprised to see Plutarch waiting. I should have expected he'd want to see me again, probably to talk about my next propo.

"Ms. Everdeen!" He greets, as if I was his favorite person on the planet and as if I chose to come visit him, instead of being essentially forced.

"Hi," I say lamely, taking a seat across from him unceremoniously.

"We brought you here to talk about the rebels' plan," Coin informs, ignoring pleasantries for once and getting right to the point. "I know you'd rather be getting reacquainted with Peeta, Miss Everdeen. But the revolution could really use the Mockingjay at a time as critical this one."

I nod, absorbing this. I'd been so drowned in Peeta and everything going on surrounding him that hearing about the rebellion again felt akin to being dredged up from underwater and having my head yanked above the surface.

I made this deal to protect Peeta, and then I kept going to protect the people of Panem who couldn't fight for themselves. I needed to fulfill my promise to the best of my ability.

I had too many people counting on me to fail now.

All I had to do was think of Prim and see the opportunities she was receiving here, that she never would have been given without this rebellion.

If the rebels won, if the entire country turned on Snow, thousands of Prims would have their lives bettered because of it. Thousands of children would know a world without certain death and the fear of reaping day and the systematic inequity, how one population could receive endless supplies of food and clothes and fancy jewels and money, and another would consider it a success if they lived through the day without starving.

I looked at Coin and Plutarch and my answer was simple.

"What do you need me to do?"

///////

I wasn't even going to tell Peeta. That was my kneejerk reaction. I had no plans and no intentions of letting him know I was being sent to District Two, to help settle the fighting.

But then I remembered our fight the night before and realized, maybe in that moment more than I'd ever realized before, how right he was to question my honesty. Not just with him. I was too comfortable lying to those I love, to keep them from worrying or panicking or sharing any sort of burden I was determine to take on by myself.

I knew I needed to tell him, if for nothing else, then for the sake of rebuilding trust between us. For the sake of reassuring him, even when he feels like he can't trust anybody or anything in sight, he can trust me. We're still in this together, like we've been since our first games.

But then Haymitch caught me, a little too sharply, by the elbow as I passed the cafeteria and hissed in my ear. I thought at first he knew my original notion and was going to scold me for ever planning on running off and sneaking back in without telling Peeta, but instead the harsh nature of his words wasn't even directed at me.

"He's had a meltdown. The boy," Haymitch clarifies as if I wouldn't know exactly who was talking about without some kind of hint. "The soldiers of Thirteen—they interrogated him."

"Interrogated him?" I exclaim, my voice more thunderous than intended. Half the cafeteria turned to glance my way at my words. Somehow that didn't halt my anger at all. "Interrogated him, how?" I demand.

Haymitch didn't reply, just kept his grip on my arm and led me briskly down the hall to Peeta's recovery room.

As soon as I was inside, I saw Peeta, curled up in a ball on the bed, tears pouring like rainfall down the side of his pink, sore, damaged face.

"They wouldn't stop, even after he started getting upset," Haymitch added behind me, reminding me of his presence. I would have completely forgotten he was even here if he hadn't spoken, so lost in the broken boy before me. The boy who was snapped like a useless twig because of me. "They shoved me into a wall for trying to interfere. He was thrashing around by the time they finally let up and no one could calm him down. The only thing that got to them was promising you would quit being the Mockingjay if he wasn't okay."

I felt tears prick my eyes, stinging unbearably. "What did they interrogate him about?" I ask, though I know I don't want to hear. Whatever it was that had caused such an upset in someone as naturally calm and level-headed as Peeta had to of been horrifying.

Haymitch didn't miss a beat though. "What the Capitol did to him. You. Anything he could think of seeing while being tortured. The other victors...they pushed him for a lot of gruesome details, Sweetheart. Things that even I flinched hearing." Haymitch's words are more of a warning than anything else now. "Just... be gentle, okay?"

I nod, my eyes never breaking their concentration on Peeta's restless, silently sobbing body.

Haymitch had one last thing to add though. "They told him about his family. That they all died in the fire. He pretty much was already begging to be done at that point but they told him anyway. I think they hoped it would magically make him confess some Capitol information he was 'withholding' from them. When they said they were going to sedate him, I had to wrestle the needle out of their hands." I snapped my neck back around to look at him, hoping he was joking. I saw then, in the bright, painful, ugly yellow lighting of the hospital room, the bruises on Haymitch's jaw that had only started to form, that'd surely turn purple by nightfall. And I started to see the things the people I was working for were willing to do to get whatever they wanted.

"Can you trust the people you're working for?"

Peeta's words, his duressed words from his hoax interview rang in my ears. Could I trust these people?

I didn't know but before I could ponder any further, Haymitch was adding more gasoline to the fire burning in my mind. "Katniss, they used to sedate him in the Capitol after beating him half to death. Or after forcing him to listen to a tape of your screaming. That's why he panicked when they got out the needle. That was his final straw."

I couldn't take it anymore at that point, and I entirely ignored that our old mentor was still behind me, and I raced towards the bed holding the only person I cared about at this precise moment.

"Peeta?" I whisper, my voice completely shattered with grief.

He catches me off guard, easily registering my presence even through his upset. He trembles but lifts his arms to me, an invitation, and I'm already halfway onto the hospital bed before I'm aware he summoned me.

I instinctively begin stroking his hair, my other hand hugging him to me as tight as I can, trying to remain mindful of his injuries. Somewhere in the background, I hear Haymitch grunt and close the door behind him, undoubtedly unable to process any more emotional scenes right now.

Peeta speaks so softly and so low, it's essentially nothing more than a croak. "I tried to not break, I tried to hold it all in, but they kept pushing and pushing and pushing," he gasps for a breath and chokes on a sob.

"It's okay, baby," I whisper, my hand stroking his face. "I won't let anyone hurt you now."

I don't know why I make a promise I know I can't keep but it's all I can say and it slips out before I can stop myself.

His trembling only grows stronger with my promise. "Please don't interfere with them, Katniss," he pleads. "I—I can't take you getting hurt. If they hurt you I don't know—I couldn't stand it, I would lose my—"

"Peeta," I cut off, taking his face in my hands. "It's okay. No one gonna hurt me."

But his face only becomes more solemn. "Katniss, these people aren't too different from the ones in the Capitol," he murmurs, desperately urging me to understand his meaning. "They're no better."

"Peeta," I start to argue but hold my words in. The last thing I want is to start an issue between us right now, when he's already in so much agony.

For some reason though, in the back of my mind, his words ring familiar to me and it strikes me after a moment that what it reminds me of is the night before our first games. When he referenced not wanting to be a piece in the Capitol's games, when I hadn't been able to comprehend what he was saying, when I huffed away, immature and stumped, only to have the words imprint in the back of my brain, to remember them throughout the entire time I spent in the arena and then after.

Perhaps I wasn't the one who started this revolution. Perhaps it was the golden boy with the bread and blue eyes, who appeared as sunshine on screen but was more cunning and crafty than anyone could ever perceive.

Peeta's words broke me from my own trance. "Is my family really dead, Katniss?" At my frozen and unprepared expression, his face crumbled again. "Did I really never get to tell them goodbye?"

Oh God. My heart plummeted and my gut twisted and my head spun as it hit me how sorry I'd felt for myself, how much I'd grieved my own goodbyes to my family on the train to the Quarter Quell. Peeta had tried to reassure me then, tried to comfort me but I'd pushed him away, because at the time I'd had no intention of returning home and I thought for sure they were my last goodbyes, that I'd had my last moments ever with my family ripped from me violently.

Only my family were all right here. My family had all managed to survive, thus far.

While every member of his burned to death in a bakery consumed by flames.

I don't have words to comfort him or a magic wand to make it all go away. A part of me wants to sedate him now and is glad that Haymitch informed me that doing so would only cause further detriment, because I just want him to get some peace.

I stroke him face and kiss his tears and rock him and wrap myself so tightly around him, I can feel every quiver of his body, every cry he tries to suppress, every word he can't quite spit out.

But it still doesn't feel like enough.

And I wonder, is this another reason to fight? Fight the Capitol as the rebels' Mockingjay? Or is this a reason to quit?

Can I really trust who I'm working for?

////////

I stay until Peeta falls into a light slumber. One that surely wouldn't last for very long, but hopefully I'd be in Two by the time he woke up and then back again before he had time to revel in my absence.

Pressing a kiss to his forehead, I murmur, "I'll see you soon," against his skin, but somehow hope he isn't able to hear me.

I hadn't told him about the mission, and now, after he'd been forced to relive his own horrors just mere hours after escaping them, after he'd just been told his whole family was dead, and that he'd never get to say goodbye—or make amends with his witch of a mother—I just couldn't drop more pain into his lap. There is no reason on Earth that could convince me to burden him with any more worries or fears than he's already facing. I will not, under any circumstances, add to his suffering, if I can help it.

I was going to write him a note, explaining where I'd gone and that I'd be back soon. That way if he found out I'd gone to Two, he'd be finding out directly from me and not a careless stranger. Or our coarse mentor.

But as I slip out of the room, I run almost headfirst into a completely different problem.

Gale.

I hadn't forgotten about him. Just the opposite, I had hoped to run into him, to apologize for my absence since Peeta had returned, to thank him for rescuing him despite his own personal feelings.

But before I could say any of those things, I caught sight of his eyes. His stony, bitter eyes.

"What?" I snap, already knowing what he was thinking. Benefit of being so alike and knowing each other for so long.

He matches my tone effortlessly. "Just wondering if you planned on joining the mission today."

But I wasn't going to be made to feel ashamed. "The mission doesn't leave for another hour," I state as I pivot and head down the corridor.

He quickens his pace to keep up. "I'm aware of that but—"

"Did you know they interrogated Peeta?" I cut off, my tone sharp as ice.

His is rather biting as well. "Yes, I did. Sounds like you have a problem with that."

That stops me mid-step. "Of course I have a problem with it, Gale! He's been through absolute hell and back for months because of me and because these leaders here deemed him expendable. He doesn't need to be tortured here too."

"He's not being tortured," Gale immediately argues, rejecting the sentiment without a second thought. "All they did was their jobs. Which is to protect the Revolution."

"By tormenting someone who's been held prisoner?"

"It was protocol!"

"It was abuse!"

Gale just stares back at me, for a moment seeming to be taking me in for the first time. "These people here rescued you. They are fighting for an equal country," he says finally. His words are true but they come with an infuriating air of righteousness and I wonder how it'd feel to smack him. I wonder why I kissed him the other day.

"An equal country doesn't mean they have to harass kidnap victims," I state, holding my ground until the bitter end.

"An equal country doesn't happen by everyone being mindful of each other's feelings," Gale shoots back, and I just turn and walk away. After me he calls, "what if it was anyone else? What if it wasn't Peeta who'd been kidnapped? What if it were someone else and there was a chance that they'd seen something useful, something that could help a lot of people. Or a chance that what they did to him could help us with our strategy. Could tell us what the Capitol is planning on doing next—"

"He told everyone that, when he said on national television that they were going to bomb Thirteen. He risked his life for us—"

"And I risked mine to save him. I did that for you," Gale all but spat now and the reminder felt like a harsh slap to the face. "And yet, I don't think you even remember that."

Before I could respond, he's already walking away.

/////////

I leave without writing Peeta a note. I spent the better part of thirty minutes attempting to write something that was both comforting and truthful. That wouldn't alarm him but wouldn't lie to him either.

In the end, all I can think about is Gale and how furious he was and how he felt I'd betrayed him now and how maybe I did. Maybe choosing to put Peeta above the rebellion, above the well being of the country, was a direct betrayal to my fire-hearted best friend, who thought the well being of the masses was more important than the well being of those we love.

I wanted to hate him for it but instead I just hated myself, and in the end, I wound up writing absolutely nothing to Peeta and leaving without telling him goodbye.

I should have known how horribly that would backfire on me.

Doesn't it always?

[decembermoonskz]

— 🌙💜🦉 content creator - 2020 review  

i was tagged my so many lovelies !! thank you @sleepylixie​ @n8dlesoupguk​ @delicatewerewolfsoul​ @meiiyue​ @chogiwow​ for tagging me! 

here we go!! :D

1. First creation of 2020 and most recent creation of 2020:

most recent: Right now it’d be the bday timestamp I made for lily and Snowfall, my jack frost!jeongin fic (but i’m working on broken compass aka mad king!chan atm) first: It’s actually an unposted chan fic pfff I made it in january of 2020, but at the time I wasn’t even on tumblr (it was a demon!chan fic)

2. One of your favorite creations from 2020:

I think I have more than one favorite but I’d say Lie To Me my witch!chan fic I made is one of my favorites I’ve made so far, and Broken Compass although it isn’t released yet (psst go check out the masterlist and snippets now to get ready for it!)

3. A creation you’re really proud of:

Daffodil, without a doubt. On top of it being one of my longest fics I’ve ever written, the process that went into making it and the fact that it’s what helped me start posting makes it something I’m really proud of. 

4. A creation that took you forever:

Uuuuh still Daffodil LOL xD It’s such a long fic and I spent a good amount of time redrafting and proofreading, (it’s also almost 30k words sooooooo-) but yeah it’s such a long fic that it’s length alone is probs the one that took forever. Broken Compass is also taking a while but it’s also a multi-part series. >v>a (although my 100 followers drabbles took me a minute too but not quite as long)

5. A creation from 2020 that received the most notes:

Daffodil again, it’s almost at 400 notes which I think is crazy and I’m super thankful for that honestly, it means the world that people really enjoyed, osme even said it was their favorite or favorirte chan fic they’ve read and that just really touched my heart. TTwTT

6. A creation you think deserved more notes:

Hmmm I’m not really caught up on the amount of notes my works get if I’m being honest. Of course I’d like for ppl to enjoy what I put out, but this blog is more so for me to practice sharing my work so whatever amount of notes I get is fine. If I had to pick one that I hope gets more recognition someday then..... I’ll just go with Lie To Me and probably Remedy, two fics from my series The Lost Luna (really just all of TLL I hope more people can enjoy it ^v^)

7. A new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it:

Uuuuh I only write for skz and that’s not really a new fandom since I’ve been stanning them since about May of 2018 so yeah. xD

8. A creation you made that breaks your heart:

Probably Crow’s Blood, Minho’s part of TLL. It’s one of the more angsty fics I’ve written, but also Close Call one of my Jisung drabbles made me kinda emo too. My heart goes out to him in that one hehe

9. A ‘simple’ creation you really love:

Oh oh! One of my timestamps! [3:01pm] it has Chan as a thief and the mc is a princess. It’s so simple and cute and a lot of people actually really enjoyed it much to my pleasant surprise! ^^ Some even asked for a part 2 so I’ve been playing around with the idea. It was an idea that hit me and I wrote it on the spot and posted it soon after. (I also think my mailbox asks are cute which is basically small bite-sized skz soft hours asks)

10. A creation that was inspired by another one:

Hmmm.... I suppose I was inspired to make The Lost Luna after seeing some witch!svt fics by @puppetwritings​ if that counts? Like seeing them write for seventeen and make them witches inspired me and made me think that stray kids as witches would be cool! plus I didn’t feel like witch!skz was something you saw very often so I went for it.

11. A favorite creation made by someone else:

Oh boy I don’t have just one so here’s a list of my recs FICS IN BOLD  ARE NSFW/18+ SO MINORS DO NOT ENGAGE AND PLEASE RESPECT AUTHOR’S GUIDELINES ABOUT NOT HAVING MINORS ON THEIR BLOGS

(these are mainly bang chan fics... forgive me my bias is showing so heavily here >/////<)

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳ That Mixtape Love, In Umbra and Only Fools Rush In by @sleepylixie ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳ Prowl, Standby by @skzctnightnight ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳ Midnight Snack by @rebecca-noona  ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳ Bittersweet and Things You Said At 1am by @n8dlesoupguk ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳ Storm Wanderer by @aliceu​ ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳ Seesaw 2020 ver. by @dreaminghaos​ ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳ Lucky and You Love Me by @dreamescapeswriting​ ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳ 11:11 by @lettersfromaphrodite​​ ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳ A to Z Boyfriend Bang Chan by @rosieecheeks​​ ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳ Crimson by @mikoto-ica-fics​ ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳ Phobia by @hanflix​  ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳ Date A Boy Who Makes You Mixtapes and A Dress Made of Starlight by @moonlit-han​ ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳ Love You Unconditionally and Pporappippam by @chaninfused​   ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳ [2:38pm] by @staylibrary​​ 

these all are so good and I’m probably forgetting some more honeslty (y’all are so talented oof-)

12. Some of your favorite content creators from this year:

@sleepylixie​ @skzctnightnight​ @rebecca-noona​ @n8dlesoupguk​ @aliceu​ @dreamescapeswriting​ @mikoto-ica-fics​ @hanflix​ @moonlit-han​ @lettersfromaphrodite​ @chaninfused​ @delicatewerewolfsoul​ @rosieecheeks​​ @meiiyue​ @binniesthighs​ 

13. And for good measure, another couple of creations of yours you love:

oh um hmmm I linked a bunch of my stuff already but I’ll go ahead and link some more that I haven’t already LOL I enjoyed writing: 

fraglie - bc tempting - lmh  [6:03pm] - lmh in your dreams - hhj stand by me - scb rise again - hjs catch that royal - lf brown sugar - yji 

[just-incorrect-bnha]

BnHA Fic Recs (Part 1)

all of these are on ao3. please make sure you read the warnings and check the ratings before you read them. this list was made march 2020 so some of the word counts and dates might not be accurate for long

i broke this up into two parts because it’s kinda long, the second part can be found here

the light is fading (but i'm still here) by IceEckos12

Midoriya centric

Status: One shot/completed

Words: 8.4k

Izuku wakes up under the effects of a strange, dangerous quirk.

With no way to contact his allies or interact with the world around him, he is quickly plunged into a race against the clock to save his own life.

Sink to Swim by cinnabee

Bakugou centric, Midoriya centric, Bakudeku

Status: Completed

Words: 35k

“Kacchan, I think we’re supposed to--”

“Supposed to?” Katsuki whirled. “Supposed to? Will you fucking.. Listen to yourself? Shitty Deku, we just woke up in a dungeon and you want to play some villain’s game? Like it’s a goddamn puzzle we can just solve?”

~

As if there's any other choice.

mouth shut (eyes down) by carolinaa

Midoriya centric, Dadzawa

Status: One shot/completed

Words: 5.8k

Teachers and Izuku don't mesh well. If Izuku speaks up, he gets in trouble. If Izuku gets picked on, he gets in trouble. If Izuku lets his guard down for one second, he gets in trouble.

Izuku isn't stupid. He knows UA isn't going to be any different.

Useless Monster by MuteCrows (Deanassbutts)

Midoriya centric, Monster Midoriya, Quirk Midoriya, Dad Might, Dadzawa

Status: Updated 2020-03-02

Words: 79k+

Izuku had vague memories of how his family used to be. He could remember when he had a home, a warm bed, and steady diet. These memories were muddled, overshadowed by the burden of no longer having a place in society’s unseeing eyes. For where was a monster like himself supposed to fit into a judgmental space like that?

Child's Play by Le0na

Inspired by Useless Monster, Midoriya centric, Monster Midoriya

Status: Completed

Words: 8.9k

Animal control officers are trained to deal with all sorts of creatures, quirk or no quirk. These are the accounts of an officer who encountered something the weren't briefed for.

Izuku wanted to survive. He wanted to help people. That's all he ever wanted. Can't they just let him?

Canary by cloud_nine_and_three_quarters

Midoriya centric, Quirk Midoriya, Midoriya & Shinsou, Midoriya & Present Mic

Status: Completed

Words: 291k

Midoriya Izuku is Quirkless. Well, he thought was. That was until he opened his mouth to sing.

There is more power in Midoriya's singing than he could have ever dreamed of - a power truly worthy of a hero. But will he ever have the confidence to spread his wings and soar?

Follow Canary on his journey to find his voice and become the hero he was always meant to be.

To Bargain With Faust by cricketmilk

Fantasy AU, Midoriya centric, Tododeku, Monster Midoriya

Status: Completed

Words: 42k

Impulsive decisions are what brings them together. A prince, determined to enter forbidden lands to pursue a voice that accompanies the moon. A beast, too eager to fight for everything he wishes to protect. Actions have consequences, and the price of magic might just make everything worse. The Liar Princess and The Blind Prince AU.

Pied Piper by Blackhole_Called_Anime

Midoriya centric, Vigilante Midoriya

Status: Updated 2020-03-05

Words: 113k

If they wouldn’t give him a chance then the solution seemed simple, he’d give himself one. He’d force the world to see him, force them to recognize his hard work. He wasn’t missing a quirk, it was simply that everyone else had been given an advantage. He wasn’t broken, or useless, or incapable, and he’d prove it by outrunning all of them, he who was quirkless, he who had started in last.

release the dogs of war by IceEckos12

Alternate dimensions, Midoriya centric, Tododeku, Dad Might, Dadzawa

Status: First part completed, second part in progress

Words: 44k (first part)

Izuku is a dimension hopper who accidentally breaks his arm after a rough jump, leaving him helpless in this strange new world.

And then he finds out about the superpowers. Well if he wants to get specific, quirks.

If there's one place where a super-powered quasi-immortal technology stealing jerk would be hanging out…

A Dangerous Game by tsukithewolf

Midoriya & Bakugou, Villain Midoriya

Status: Part 1 completed, part 2 updated 2020-03-02

Words: 472k (part 1), 95k+ (part 2)

When Midoriya Izuku is 13 years old, he is kidnapped on his way home from school by a villain. One year later he is found and returned home with some scars, no memories of the events he went through, and a latent fire quirk.

Izuku has to live a double life if he and his loved ones are to survive, even if that means lying to everyone and committing deeds that he’s not sure the heroes would forgive him for. He just needs to come up with a plan to defeat one of the most powerful men in the world, maintain both of his covers in the presence of enemies and allies alike, and hopefully not forget the “real” him.

Bakugou Katsuki is certain that Izuku has been lying to everyone since the day he had been rescued. And he’s going to figure out his secret.

The Last Resort by coldandhotsoba

Shinsou centric, Dadzawa, Erasermic

Status: Updated 2019-11-09

Words: 163k+

“Mommy? Where are we going?” Shinsou asks as he was strapped into his car seat. He looked up quizzically at his mom as she gave him a backpack stuffed with clothes and his favorite plush cat.

“We are just going to a trip to see some of mommy’s friends okay?” She replied, giving him a small sad smile

Or

Shinsou gets sold off to villains when hes a kid. They rent him his quirk out to other villains for a profit.

The Wards of UA by FeckedSpectrum

Shinsou centric, Dadzawa, Erasermic

Status: Updated 2020-03-01

Words: 312k+

27’s throat tightens, as if any words he could have thought to say are trapped there. If it weren’t for Memory’s nails digging into his wrist, he would probably have stood there all night, trying to understand what they wanted him to do.

Use his quirk on a child. A tiny, frightened child.

He kneels down, trying to get her to look him in the eye, to make some kind of connection. Anything to try and make her answer. “D-do you want to go away? Do you want to go somewhere safe?”

Her eyes open, slowly, and the sobbing slows enough that she isn’t shaking with it quite as much. Her hands are lowering from her mouth.

“Uh-huh.”

Her voice, so small and hoarse, is all he needs. He feels the quirk trap around her mind, and her eyes fade from red to white, hands dropping slack by her side.

***

This work is based off of The Last Resort, written by coldandhotsoba. In this AU, after Shinsou Hitoshi is sold to The Miasma, The Miasma sells him to Overhaul to fill the role of "The Mediator" for Eri. Even after the raid on the 8 Precepts, the wards are haunted by their pasts, but the ghosts in Shinsou's mind are anything but dead.

and i'm nothing like you by aloneintherain

Shinsou centric, Shinosu & Midoriya

Status: One shot/completed

Words: 9.3k

Of all the people to have been kidnapped alongside, it had to be this person, this hero, the one person who would never blame him for the things he was forced to do.

“Don’t cry,” Midoriya says.

“Fuck you,” Hitoshi chokes out.

(When Shinsou goes grocery shopping a few weeks after transferring to Class 2A, Midoriya tags along. Because he is, for some reason, determined to be Shinsou’s friend.

Shinsou remains cold and withdrawn in the face of Midoriya’s friendliness—until they’re kidnapped by a woman with a brainwashing quirk who believes Shinsou doesn’t belong in the hero course.)

Butterfly by aconstantstateofbladerunner

Midoriya centric, Dad Might, Horror

Status: Updated 2020-03-27

Words: 167k+

The first over-night trip off campus since the training camp was supposed to be a fun break from more intense work back home. But between a bleak introduction to chaos theory, a chilly reception from the locals, and the looming threat of a villain attack, Izuku has too much on his mind to properly enjoy the fresh air. But those worries are a light breeze compared to the hurricane that accompanies what he finds on the outskirts of town.

Or rather, what finds him.

a complete list of everything I've ever been afraid of by aloneintherain

Midoriya centric, Dadzawa, Horror

Status: Updated 2019-07-05

Words: 18.5k+

Midoriya is drugged by a villain during a raid, but old and new fears, along with the manufactured anxiety the drug produces, urges him to keep his condition hidden.

He's determined to keep this a secret in the long days ahead - even after the hallucinations start. Even after his worst nightmares are played out around campus, so vividly that he begins to lose track of what is and isn’t real.

when march brings rain by Crocodillia

Todoroki centric, Tododeku, AU, Bodyswap, Kiribaku

Status: Updated 2019-11-24

Words: 54.5k+

“I’m a person who wakes up in a new body every day - always my age, never too far away from the last, and I'm never the same person twice.”

“No - it’s not possible -”

“Remember when Katsuki kissed you on the beach? That was me.”

In which a boy falls in love with someone who switches bodies every day. (Every Day AU).

(may the bridges i have burned) light my way back home by Chrome

Midoriya centric, Bakudeku, Canon compliant

Status: Updated 2019-10-04

Words: 42.1k+

Since Bakugou Katsuki discovered the secret of One for All, he and Midoriya Izuku have been slowly repairing the friendship they once had. They still haven’t talked about it—but Izuku’s certain that it’s only a matter of time before they manage to lay the past to rest.

But when the League of Villains attack the Sports Festival and Bakugou takes a devastating blow meant for Izuku, the whole nation is suddenly paying attention to a relationship the two people involved barely understand. Izuku needs more than ever to figure out who he and Kacchan are to each other—preferably before the internet does.

or,

“Fuck you,” Bakugou said. “I don’t need a whole face to kick your ass.”

in death, at the end of the world by theroyalsavage

Midoriya centric, Tododeku, Ghost hunters AU

Status: Completed

Words: 22.4k

Over the course of what was supposed to be a routine job, Paranormal Investigator Midoriya Izuku uncovers a long-forgotten curse, meets a shadow with the voice and eyes of a boy, and discovers a plot that has the potential to destroy the entire world.

Not necessarily in that order.

The Mystery of Student No.18 by cloud_nine_and_three_quarters

Midoriya centric, Ghost Midoriya

Status: Completed

Words: 85.2k

Getting crushed by falling building whilst shielding a little girl wasn't the worst way to die. Only, Midoriya's not quite dead yet.

He still has so much to prove - to do - to finish! All Might gave him his power, but now look at him... how is Midoriya meant to be the next symbol of peace if he's stuck in a coma?!

Meanwhile, his future classmates are left to wonder...

Who is student 18?

And where is he now?

Beast Among Men by cricketmilk

Todoroki centric, Tododeku, Fantasy AU, Dragon Todoroki

Status: Updated 2019-09-04

Words: 63.4k+

Unsure of specifics, he can’t quite puzzle together what he is; the only information that crowds his brain is that he is not what he’s supposed to be, and his strongest impulsive desire is not his own. And most importantly, the dark haired human he’s found is the key to answering most of his problems.

Or

Todoroki joins the Deku Squad – with a twist. Medieval Fantasy AU.

A deadman's gun by NohaIjiachi

Midoriya centric, Vigilante Midoriya, Quirkless Midoriya, Stain & Midoriya

Status: Completed

Words: 65.1k

“I—“ Izuku hesitated, gaping wordlessly, before admitting softly. “I don’t know. I just don’t want to go home. There’s nothing for me, there.”

“So you filled this hole by playing detective— And how long is that going to last, I wonder?” Stain replied, still massaging his chin. “But you— You have potential.”

Izuku blinked at Stain’s chest, before looking up. “Excuse me?”

“What a waste would it be, to let you become a red splatter on the sidewalk.” Stain continued, almost contemplating. “No. No, kid, what you need is a new purpose. Your old one is gone? Well, time to get off your ass and find something else—“

A Study in Firsts by Oceanbreeze7

Class 1-A, Canon compliant, Dadzawa

Status: Updated 2020-03-13

Words: 68.5k+

There’s a first time for everything.

The first time everyone crammed in Momo’s room to study, a mess of limbs and books on her bed.

The first time Mina burned crepes so badly the smoke alarm went off.

The first time a jumpscare got Sero so badly, he flipped off the back of the couch.

The first time Uraraka fell asleep at the table and accidentally sent it floating.

The first time someone realized Todoroki walked far too quietly, and far too cautiously around the dorms to be normal.

The first time Midoriya broke his toe on a door frame and kept walking through it.

The first time Kirishima woke up screaming through the walls.

The first time Tsuyu blanched at the sight of a needle.

The first time Bakugo dropped, clutching the back of his neck with eyes scarily vacant and detonating everything around him until Aizawa had to intervene.

It wasn’t always pretty, but the dorms were filled with firsts.

once forgotten, twice removed by blueh

Dimension travel, Midoriya centric, Villain Midoirya (kinda)

Status: Completed

Words: 42.2k

“Yes,” All for One agreed. “This will be the final resting place of All Might.”

“You,” Midoriya Izuku said and paused, thinking over the words. He sounded taken aback. “You want me to help fight All Might.”

“Of course,” All for One nodded along. “I can offer you double of whatever my counterpart is paying you currently, along with anything your little heart could desire. Of course, you would get to help out drastically—"

“Did you happen to check what world you were pulling me out of when you did this?” Midoriya Izuku interrupted and it was said in such an incredulous tone that had the situation not been as critical as it was, All Might would have laughed.

Also known as: number one hero Deku has been through a lot of things, but being thrust into an alternate reality where he’s All for One’s Successor is a first. He has to navigate this world when his alternate self is a villain dead-set on killing him and all of this version of class 1-A. All the while, his friends search desperately for a way to get him back.

And I Burn by IiIia

Kaminari centric, Traitor Kaminari, Shinkami, Soulmates AU

Status: Completed

Words: 29.8k

He turns the sink handle until hot water spews from the faucet. The heat burns and stings, but he keeps rubbing his hands together trying to wash the blood off. He can’t. Never will.

His hands are stained red. His thigh stings under sharp fingernails, and there’s a small cut just above his jaw.

And he’s eleven the first time he wished he didn’t have a soulmate.

Lying Eyes by kixotical

Kaminari centric, Traitor kaminari

Status: Updated 2020-03-01

Words: 59.1k+

If you asked anyone in class 1-A what they thought of Denki Kaminari, it would most likely be around the same answers: very flirty and outgoing, not being afraid to show his excitement for something. Maybe he's not the brightest bulb in the box and has a bit of a mischievous side to him, but he's still able to make everyone laugh when he shows his brainless side after going over his wattage limit. No matter what, he's one of the closest members of class 1-A.

No one would have guessed that it was all a lie.

No one would have thought that it was all a con, a front to lower everyone's expectations so that he could carry out what he needed to do.

No one would have thought that Denki Kaminari, the loveable idiot from class 1-A, had been working to betray them all.

AU where Kaminari is the U.A. traitor as well as a psychopath.

A Dysfunctional Family but a Family Nonetheless by teaandtumblr

Aizawa centric, Dadzawa

Status: Completed

Words: 47.1k

Aizawa doesn't care about his students. He really, really doesn't.

Except for the part where he very much does.

Engraved in your Mind by Hejter

Bakugou centric, Kiribaku, Face blind Bakugou

Status: Updated 2020-03-20

Words: 234k+

Bakugou Katsuki lost his ability to recognize faces, so he didn’t know any of the people who stared at him, but he knew what dread looks like when he sees it, and as he looked around the crowd, every single person had exactly that written all over their face.

He looked down at the guy who was still on the ground, part of his uniform’s shirt burnt, his wounded face covered by his hands and his hair smoking slightly.

Katsuki glanced at his hands and finally realized something.

or

Kacchan is still a stubborn prick while suffering from face blindness. Also, quirk discrimination is a thing.

alternatively-

New quirk, who dis

Death Need Not Apply by Salt00

Midoriya centric, Quirk Midoriya, Horror, Crack

Status: Updated 2019-09-06

Words: 50.7k+

No one noticed when Midoriya Izuku manifested his quirk. However, it didn't take long for people to take notice of the effects. It was very hard to ignore, after all. The denizens of Mustafa adapted fast to this change in the laws of reality-- that's the way of quirk society, after all. Still, no one thought the plain-looking boy might be connected.

Izuku's quirk emits a massive no-kill zone around him.

[aloysiavirgata]

Love’s Austere and Lonely Offices

Title:  Love’s Austere and Lonely Offices

Author: Aloysia Virgata

Rating: PG 

Words: 5758

Timeline: Season 9

Summary:   “ A letter is in fact the only device for combining solitude and good company.” -- Jacques Barzun

Author’s Notes: This fic was written in 2015. I couldn't bear the thought of their only communication in all that time being the "Dearest Dana" letters. (Which I added to just a teeny-weeny bit. Also added a little to Scully's Carterlogue to William.) Scully quotes from (what else?) Moby Dick and Mulder from The Divine Comedy. The title is from Those Winter Sundays by Robert Hayden. 

Fe3O4 is magnetite and R2NCl is chloramine. I know my little ads are cryptic, so there's an addendum at the end for those interested parties. (See the end of the work for more notes.)  

Ad placed in the New York Times Classified section, May 26 2001 In this world, shipmates, Sin that pays its way can travel freely, and without a passport; whereas Virtue, if a pauper, is stopped at all frontiers. R2NCl + H2O = Bellefleur + Braddock Heights? So claims a woman with node at C5 **** Ad placed in the Washington Post Classified section, May 29 2001 These have not the hope to die. Developments? Nothing on my end. **** E-Mail From: Trust_No1@mail.com To: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com Date: 18 Jun 2001 Things are calm for now and hopefully communication can be somewhat regular for a time. I have a cash-under-the-table job at the moment and it covers basic needs. I know you wanted to come, but this is no life for a child. I will be home as soon as I am able. I know that goes without saying, but it makes me feel better to say it anyway. I have to go now. Tell me about William. **** E-Mail From: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com To: Trust_No1@mail.com Date: 18 Jun 2001 Mulder, It's so good to hear from you, you have no idea. Have you made any progress yet? There have been strange goings-on since you left, but I don't know what to make of any of it. I don't know whom to trust right now and just tell everyone I cannot contact you. I have not been able to make any sense of my last inquiry and am at a standstill. Please tell me everything you discover and let me know what I can do. Don't leave me in the dark on this, Mulder. You can't protect us that way. Let me be of use. Things are fine here. William eats well and sleeps less well, but I nap when I can. He's growing nicely and can focus his eyes for very long periods already and tracks objects at two feet away. His head control is excellent and he is already making deliberate reaches for objects rather than just grasping reflexively. He makes a gurgling sound if I run my finger up the midline of his foot. In addition to snapshots and videos, I have been keeping a journal of all of his changes for when you get back. My mother helps as much as she can but the truth is I prefer to be alone. She wants to talk, and doesn't understand that I just can't right now. I think she's afraid of the quiet and fills it up with noise. She talks to me but doesn't say anything. You know how to let me be silent, Mulder. I miss that. Frohike says William looks like me and Byers says he looks like you and Langly says he looks like Jack Ruby. Which is pretty much what you'd expect to hear from the three of them. Write when you can. Pictures attached. **** E-Mail From: Trust_No1@mail.com To: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com Date: 22 Jun 2001 He still looks like Skinner to me, your feeble protestations of fidelity aside. He's got your eyes, Scully, and I wonder whose warped sense of humor he's going to claim. I'm not surprised he's ahead of the developmental curve. You read him Brian Greene while you were pregnant. That sets the bar rather high for a baby. Let your mother in. You're all she has nearby and she won't forgive herself for everything that's happened if you don't. Smile and nod, Scully. You do it better than anyone I know. Learn to let people love you. I haven't found much yet because I don't even know what the hell I'm looking for. **** E-Mail From: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com To: Trust_No1@mail.com Date: 23 Jun 2001 We can only hope that his sense of humor is all his own. I think our particular brand of amusement wouldn't go over too well with the preschool set. Can you imagine Career Day, Mulder? We're going to have to be vague. Pictures of William attached, including one of him eating my hair. Have to run. Stay safe. **** E-Mail From: Trust_No1@mail.com To: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com Date: 28 Jun 2001 We'd be a hit at Career Day. You could tell them about your Invisible Guy Autopsy. And you know all the kids would want to hear about my time in low orbit. I'm leaving here soon, so it may be a while before I contact you again. Thank you for the pictures. I cannot believe how William has grown. He looks like his own man now instead of just a newborn. I know I once said I never saw you as a mother before, but I must not have been paying attention. You're beautiful, Scully. I miss you both constantly. **** E-Mail From: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com To: Trust_No1@mail.com Date: 29 Jun 2001 Mulder, I hope nothing serious has happened to necessitate this move and that you have made some headway. I am still having no luck. I'm going to start teaching at Quantico soon. I feel like I'm abandoning you in some way, Mulder. Abandoning our work. But I can't do field work like I used to - not with William - and Doggett and Reyes are doing a good job. I think you'd be impressed. William has been going to sleep at around 10 at night and sleeping until 6 or so. He is such an easy baby and already a hit with the ladies. I bring him to work sometimes and he's quite popular. Skinner gave him a stuffed McGruff the Crime Dog, but he prefers the doll you gave him and sleeps with it now. He's still rather small for the basketball, but that was never my sport anyway. I played field hockey, so free-throw instruction falls to you. Attached is a video of William laying on Skinner's desk. Stay safe. **** E-Mail From: Trust_No1@mail.com To: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com Date: 19 Jul 2001 He spit up on Skinner's desk? I could watch that all day. You're damned lucky it wasn't Kersh's or you'd be freezing your ass off in a Minnesota field office right now. And of course he's a hit with the ladies, Scully. Not everyone's as hard of a sell on the Mulder men as you. I made it to Wal-Mart and printed out some of those pictures you sent. Keep them coming. Don't ever feel like you're abandoning the work. The most important thing is that you and William stay safe and chasing mutants and government conspirators isn't really conducive to that. Sometimes the only thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that you're okay. The job at Quantico will be good for you both. I'm doing a little air guitar of "Hot For Teacher" right now… **** E-Mail From: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com To: Trust_No1@mail.com Date: 23 Jul 2001 Mulder, I'm sorry it has taken me a bit to get back to you. My mother and I took William to the beach for a couple of days. I dipped his feet in the surf and I was reminded that seawater has a similar chemical makeup to both blood and amniotic fluid. We crawled from those primordial seas so many millions of years ago and carry some of it inside of us to this day. I know you get seasick, but I think we are hardwired to crave the ocean and I want to take William sailing when he's older. I think he has the genes for it. You may not be a sailor, Mulder, but you know the unquenchable lure of the unknown and thrill of riding out a storm. I had a good time with my mom and tried to do as you suggested. She asked after you and I am confident that whatever else she thinks of my life, she accepts that you're an integral part of it. I start teaching next month and I must confess to some anxiety. It has been so long since I stood in front of a lecture hall. I've gotten used to an audience of one for my technical soliloquies. And Van Halen, Mulder? Really? What happened to the King? **** E-Mail From: Trust_No1@mail.com To: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com Date: 4 Aug 2001 Was it Chincoteague, Scully? It's right around Pony Penning Day, isn't it? When he's bigger we'll get a place out in the country and let him pick out a pony of his own. And hell, I'll take some Dramamine and we'll all go sailing too. Get out your list-making paper and get to work. I'll be back soon and we'll have the rest of our lives to get it done. P.S. - I always kind of got turned on by your technical soliloquies, so you may want to be careful around some of your more discriminating students. **** E-Mail From: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com To: Trust_No1@mail.com Date: 5 Aug 2001 Mulder, We went to Assateague, actually, but he did see the ponies and we found horseshoe crabs washed up on the shore. Despite 445 million years of existence, they've scarcely changed at all. It makes you think, I suppose. All the work we humans do to better ourselves and horseshoe crabs have attained perfection. And a pony?! That's a pretty heavy upgrade from your fish. I was thinking we could move more slowly from Cyprinidae to Perissodactyla. Perhaps a stop at Rodentia would be appropriate if you want to venture into mammalian territory. (Are you getting turned on by this?) William holds his head up and looks around without any trouble at all. He wants desperately to sit up and is so frustrated that he can't manage it yet. Any news? **** Ad placed in the Washington Post Classified section, August 13, 2001 For where the instrument of intelligence is added to brute power and evil will, mankind is powerless in its own defense. Fe3O4 + R2NCl = ? **** Ad placed in the New York Times Classified section, August 15, 2001 And some certain significance lurks in all things, else all things are little worth... I'll let you know if I hear anything. **** E-Mail From: knitterific@earthlink.net To: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com Date: 20 Aug 2001 Let me know if we can move lunch on Wednesday to 12:30. I printed out pictures from our trip and made you some copies. I will bring William's Celeste Sun toy with me at lunch if that's okay with you. Charlie, Larissa and the kids are coming in for Christmas this year. Talk to you soon. Mom **** E-Mail From: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com To: knitterific@earthlink.net Date: 21 Aug 2001 Mom, That would be fine. Thank you for printing the pictures for me, and William will be fine without Celeste until Wednesday. **** Letter received on September 8, 2001 William Mulder 107 E. Cordova St. Apt. 35 Washington, DC., 01833 8-14-01 Dear William, I can only hope this finds its way to you but even if it doesn't, it's something I had to get on paper. Walking away from you and your mother is the single most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. I did it for reasons that I tell myself are right and noble, so why do I feel like I've let you both down? All I want is for you to be safe and I tell myself that leaving and searching for answers is the best way to do that. But the truth is, William, that your old man isn't making much headway here. Your mother sends me pictures and videos of you and sometimes at night I can close my eyes and recall your new-earthling smell. But it's not the same. I know your mother and I know that every night she shows you my picture and tells you I'll be home soon. I don't want to make a liar of her and I promise you both I'm doing the best I can. Every day I fight the urge to let this all go and come home, but I feel I have more to accomplish before I return. One day I hope you will understand all of this. One day I hope I will. I have no real wisdom to offer you, but let me at least tell you this. I have made many mistakes in my life, but through them all, I have tried to do what I feel is honest. And I have learned - as you doubtlessly will - that the right thing is not often the easy thing. I don't know what this world is going to be like when you are older or what role you will have in it, but to thine own self be true, William. I hope to see you soon. And in case your mother forgets to tell you: Elvis > Three Dog Night Hips before hands The Knicks will always be better than the Miami Heat Love, Your father **** E-Mail From: Trust_No1@mail.com To: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com Date: 12 Sep 2001 Scully, let me know you're okay. I know you don't work at the Pentagon, but please check in. On the move again, but will write as soon as possible. **** E-Mail From: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com To: Trust_No1@mail.com Date: 13 Sep 2001 Mulder, We are fine and no one we know was hurt. While it feels as though the world is falling apart, knowing you're okay gives me something to hang on to. There's a long line of people waiting for this computer so I must run, but I got your letter to William. Be careful. We miss you. **** Ad placed in the New York Times Classified section, September 17, 2001 There are certain queer times and occasions in this strange mixed affair we call life when a man takes this whole universe for a vast practical joke… Quantum suicide? **** Ad placed in the Washington Post Classified section, September 18, 2001 And downward to the secret things we went Biloxi MI - 6/ 86 Camden NJ - 11/91 **** E-Mail From: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com To: Trust_No1@mail.com Date: 20 Sep 2001 Mulder, Thank you for your help on the case. Do you have any updates on your end? Not much to tell here. I'm enjoying teaching very much; the students are so engaged and interested. It's a nice change from the endless parade of world-weary cops and agents. Were we ever that fresh-faced and eager? Thinking of you and aching to see you. **** E-Mail From: Trust_No1@mail.com To: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com Date: 23 Sep 2001 It is no longer safe for me to contact you. **** E-Mail From: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com To: Trust_No1@mail.com Date: 24 Sep 2001 Mulder, What's going on? Please find a way to let me know what's happening. **** E-Mail From: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com To: Trust_No1@mail.com Date: 13 Oct 2001 Mulder, William and I baked a cake and we sang Happy Birthday to your picture. We went shopping for presents and William picked out an oven mitt. I tried to steer him towards the Yankees DVD collection, but he was adamant that you needed protective gear. I have begun to entertain theories of genetic memory. Please let us know you're all right. Many happy returns of the day. **** E-Mail From: rocbronzin@rutgers.edu To: dana_scully@fbi.gov Date: 17 Oct 2001 Hey there partner. Wanted to thank you again for the CPR. They don't really cover that in entomology doctoral programs though, so I'm hard pressed to return the favor. I know you're a mother but I assume you still eat so let me know if you want to grab a bite next time I'm in DC. **** E-Mail From: dana_scully@fbi.gov To: rocbronzin@rutgers.edu Date: 19 Oct 2001 Dr. Bronzino, Thank you very much for the offer, but it would not be appropriate at this time. Dana Scully **** E-Mail From: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com To: Trust_No1@mail.com Date: 25 Oct 2001 Mulder, I know you can't tell me where you are and I am trying to respect what you're doing but this feels impossible sometimes. Not everything has to be a crusade, does it? You wanted to find your sister and while it wasn't the resolution you wanted, you found out the truth. Isn't that enough? We can have a life now. We have a son who needs both of his parents. Let this go, Mulder. **** E-Mail From: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com To: Trust_No1@mail.com Date: 4 Nov 2001 Mulder, I don't even know why I'm writing this. I don't even know if you're alive. Attached are pictures of William in his Halloween costume. He went as a skunk and can sit up perfectly. **** Ad placed in the New York Times Classified section, November 21, 2001 Lost: Norwegian Elkhound Answers to Heinrich Come home, Heinrich We miss you ****                                        

                                                                                     December 3, 2001

Mulder,

I am so concerned for your safety right now that it is overwhelming. I am trying not to be angry with you - truly I am - but it isn't easy. I know what you've told me, I know we discussed all of this and I know we agreed it was for the best, but the reality is proving far different than the theory. As a scientist, I ought to have expected it and yet I was completely blindsided.

I asked you once years ago if we could just get out of the car and you looked at me like I was crazy and you kept driving. And I stayed. Hundreds of thousands of miles I've traveled with you, Mulder. Endless black ribbons of highways full of nightmares and lost souls and we went after them with badges and guns because we had a job to do.

But I'm asking you now - not as your partner, but as the mother of your child - to get out of the goddamned car. I can't live like this anymore, Mulder, and I will not subject William to it.

I love you but I cannot do this for the rest of my life.

I have nowhere to send this letter.

****

                                                                                                                             December 15, 2001

Mulder,

William said "Da" when he saw your picture today. I have a video.

****

E-Mail From: phishphood66@yahoo.com To: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com Date: 20 Dec 2001

Hey Danes -

Our gang's catching an earlier flight from Puerto Vallarta and I wanted to see if you'd be free for dinner. I'm trusting you to pick a not-shitty restaurant because last time I left it up to Bill he said he knew of a "really good Italian place" and took us to the fucking Olive Garden and I swear to God Tara put some of those breadsticks in her purse.

Can't wait to meet my new nephew (you have a kid, Danes!) and see if either of my rugrats is taller than you yet. They're growing like weeds and Larissa's firm is keeping us in Mexico until the resort's finished, so they're all sun-kissed and blonde and I'm mostly a giant freckle.

Mom specifically told me not to ask about William's father, so I'm asking. This Fox guy…what's up with him? Is he good to you? Bill paints him as a kind of Anton LeVay meets Forrest Gump character, but Bill thinks condoms are Satan's party balloons, so what the hell does he know about relationships?

I'm bringing a case of fine champanya to ring in the new year.

Charlie

****

E-Mail From: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com To: phishphood66@yahoo.com Date: 20 Dec 2001

Charlie,

I can't wait to see you all! It's been far too long since your jet-setting crew has ventured this way. Things with William's father are complicated, but it's due to factors beyond either of our control. I don't mean to be curt, but that's all I can say right now.

Dinner would be great. William still doesn't go to bed until fairly late and can be kept happy with a steady supply of food. He has an excellent pincer grasp.

Did Bill really take you to the Olive Garden? That's classic.

****

                                                                                                                             December 31, 2001

Mulder,

We celebrated Christmas at my mother's and Bill and Charlie and their families flew in. I have lots of pictures to show you of all of the kids together. William is babbling like a champion and I gave him a crayon to draw a picture for you on the back of this card, so turn it over. I remember New Year's Eve two years ago. Zombies, Mulder. And then you kissed me and here I am wishing maybe the world had ended after all because I'm remembering zombies with fondness and what the hell is wrong with my life and my God I miss you.

There was half a bottle of champagne left and now I'm drunk.

Happy New Year

Putting this card with your other unsent mail.

****

                                                                                                                                 January 1, 2002 Dear William,

One day, you'll ask me to speak of a truth - of the miracle of your birth. To explain what is unexplained. And if I falter or fail on this day, know there is an answer, my child, a sacred imperishable truth, but one you may never hope to find alone. Chance meeting your perfect other, your perfect opposite, your protector and endangerer. Chance embarking with this other on the greatest of journeys; a search for truths fugitive and imponderable. If one day this chance may befall you, my son, do not fail or falter to seize it. The truths are out there. And if one day you should behold a miracle, as I have in you, you will learn the truth is not found in science, or on some unseen plane, but by looking into your own heart. And in that moment you will be blessed - and stricken. For the truest truths are what hold us together, or keep us painfully, desperately apart.

Know this, William, for it is the most important thing I can hope to teach you: It is not a weakness to love someone. There may come a time when it will be the only strength you have.

****

E-Mail From: Trust_No1@mail.com To: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com Date: 07 Jan 2002

Dearest Dana

I've resisted contacting you for reasons I know you continue to appreciate. But, to be honest, some unexpected dimensions of my new life are eating away at any resolve I have left. I'm lonely, Dana, uncertain of my ability to live like this. I want to come home. To you, and to William.

****

E-Mail From: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com To: Trust_No1@mail.com Date: 07 Jan 2002

I am physically shaking right now seeing your words - wishing it were you speaking them to me. I want so badly to see you too, but you are still not safe here. You don't sound like yourself, Mulder, and it's frightening me.

Where in the world have you been?

****

E-Mail From: Trust_No1@mail.com To: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com Date: 07 Jan 2002

I've seen things I cannot accept and don't know how to change. I feel like the fight has gone out of me and all I want is to come back and put this time behind us.

I will be home soon.

Details to follow in the usual manner.

****

Ad placed in the Washington Post Classified section, January 8, 2002

It was evening here But upon earth the very noon of night.

ncrl

****

E-Mail From: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com To: Trust_No1@mail.com Date: 10 Jan 2002

Mulder,

I hold no hope you can respond to this. Or that it reaches you. I only hope that you are alive.

I cannot help believing that you jumped off that train because you knew what I now know - that these "super-soldiers" - if that's what they are - can in fact be destroyed. That the key to their destruction lies in the iron compound at that quarry.

I am scared for you, Mulder. And for William. The forces against us are unrelenting. But so is my determination to see you again. To regain the comfort and safety we shared for so brief a time. Until then, I remain forever yours,

Dana

****

Ad placed in the New York Times Classified section, January 14, 2002

The whale, like all things that are mighty, wears a false brow to the common world.

Fe3O4

****

Letter received on January 27, 2002

Dana Scully 107 E. Cordova St. Apt. 35 Washington, DC., 01833

1-16-02

Not much time to write Sorry so short saw your note Agreed on Fe3O3 though not sure how yet Love to you both

****

                                                                                                                            February 2, 2002

Mulder,

I got your last letter and nearly wept with relief to hear from you. I hope this can all end soon. I pray you stay safe until then.

Not sure what the weather is like where you are, but the most beautiful snow has fallen here. William and I have been playing in it at every opportunity and there's a respectable snowman in front of my building now. William likes to eat the snow and blinks when the flakes cling to his eyelashes. He looks more like you every day.

I send regards from Skinner and the Gunmen and my mother lights candles for you.

I wish I had an address to send this to.

****

E-Mail From: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com To: Trust_No1@mail.com Date: 11 Feb 2002

Mulder,

I am hesitant to contact you in this way because I know it is a risk, but I am beginning to fear the worst for William. I don't know what he is but someone does and they are trying to hurt him. I have been working with Reyes and we suspect it all goes back to that artifact I found in Africa, though I can't say I truly understand it. My mother says our son is a miracle and that I must simply accept him as that. But how can I do that, Mulder? After what happened to Emily, how can I not want to know how he came to be whatever he is?

William has been taken from me twice now and I am starting to despair of ever being able to protect him. All the sacrifices we're making right now - what if it comes to nothing? I don't know what to do.

****

E-Mail From: MAILER-DAEMON@n55.bullet.mail.sp1.hotmail.com To: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com Date: 11 Feb 2002

Sorry, we were unable to deliver your message to the following address.

< trust_no1@mail.com >

****

Ad placed in the Washington Post Classified section, February 23, 2002

O lady, you in whom my hope gains strength, you who, for my salvation, have allowed your footsteps to be left in Hell, in all the things that I have seen, I recognize the grace and benefit that I, depending upon your power and goodness, have received. You drew me out from slavery to freedom by all those paths, by all those means that were within your power. Do, in me, preserve your generosity, so that my soul, which you have healed, when it is set loose from my body, be a soul that you will welcome.

****

Ad placed in the New York Times Classified section, February 24, 2002

Let faith oust fact; let fancy oust memory; I look deep down and do believe.

****

Ad placed in the New York Times Classified section, March 20, 2002

All men live enveloped in whale-lines. All are born with halters round their necks; but it is only when caught in the swift, sudden turn of death, that mortals realize the silent, subtle, ever-present perils of life.

Gunmen dead.

****

E-Mail From: dana_scully@fbi.gov To: john_doggett@fbi.gov Date: 26 Mar 2002

John,

My thoughts are with you and Barbara at this time. Take care.

Dana Scully

****

E-Mail From: john_doggett@fbi.gov To: dana_scully@fbi.gov Date: 26 Mar 2002

Thanks Dana. It's been hard but the closure has come as a relief after all this time. I hope you are coming to terms with your own loss as well. They were the good guys.

John Doggett

****

                                                                                                                          April 20, 2002

Mulder,

I have come to an act of desperation. I have had no way of contacting you - no way to talk this over with you - and so I had to make this choice alone. I have had assurances that our information is to be expunged from every record and I tell myself moment by moment that this is his only chance at a normal life, but what if I have made a mistake that can never be undone?

I vacillate between thinking I have sacrificed my own happiness for his and thinking I have sacrificed him because I am not strong enough to accept what he is. What if that's the case? What if I was just too afraid to see him suffer? Watching Emily die slowly through the glass left me so cold I thought I'd freeze everything I touched, but I didn't know how to grieve for her. They had no right to take those ova from me, no right to create her, and no right to destroy her. She was supposed to be mine and whatever other children were created should have been mine also. But by the time I came to terms with the fact that I was truly her mother, she was already gone. What if the same fate was in store for William? I don't know that I could have stood it.

All I wanted was a child - your child, as the years went on - and I just cannot understand why anyone would create these lives for the express purpose of later destroying them. I don't think we can ever fully know what William means to the Project, but they wanted him dead, Mulder. They wanted to take our son and kill him and would have in time and came close even as I watched over him, and all this before he turned a year old. Jeffrey Spender came to me - terrible things have been done to him - and said that no matter what he did to undo the changes to his little body, William would never have any peace from the men who have been working towards the ends you and I have been fighting.

I believed him, Mulder. I looked into his ruined face and I believe he was telling me the truth and I believe it still. I did the only thing I could think of to protect our son and I can only hope now that you can forgive me.

I don't know what else to do but keep going. It's all I've ever known how to do.

****

E-Mail From: wjscully8@navy.mil To: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com Date: 22 Apr 2002

Dana, what in the hell have you done? Pick up your goddamned phone.

I just got off the phone with mom a little while ago and she's half-hysterical and I'm not far from it myself. What were you thinking? You put your son up for adoption, Dana? That really struck you as the best possible solution? That's what you have a family for. To help you. And no matter how bad things were you should have come to us. I don't know what has happened to you over the years and I don't think I even know who you are anymore, because my sister would never have done something so insane.

We could have taken him in for you if you couldn't deal with being a single mother. God knows where Fox is and why you put up with the crap he dishes out is beyond me, but he has molded you into a woman I don't recognize and I think there is something severely wrong with both of you.

I have faith that you are not beyond salvation, Dana, but you need to cut your ties with him. Come out to San Diego and stay with us. I have already contacted an attorney about having the adoption reversed and because of the extreme emotional duress you've been under he thinks there's a very good shot that Tara and I can get temporary custody while you get your life back together.

It's not too late for you. We love you and want to help, but you have to let us. I am praying for you.

Your brother,

Bill

****

E-Mail From: phishphood66@yahoo.com To: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com Date: 22 Apr 2002

Hey Squirt. Just got an earful from Bill. Mom's too freaked out to be coherent.

I don't know what the fuck is up with you the past few years Danes, but the shit seems to have royally hit the fan of your life. Despite what Bill thinks, you were always the smartest one of us and if this is what you thought was right, well, I guess I have to trust that. I'm just so sorry that you're dealing with this.

We're moving to Marrakech in June for a restaurant Larissa's designing and we have this awesome house with plenty of room for decompressing Feds. Take some leave and come stay for a while.

Worried about you, big sister.

Charlie

****

E-Mail From: knitterrific@earthlink.net To: Queequeg0925@hotmail.com Date: 24 Apr 2002

Dana, I am so worried about you and I think you might need some professional help. Please return my calls. We need to talk.

I love you.

Mom

****

E-Mail From: monica_reyes@fbi.gov To: dana_scully@fbi.gov Date: 25 Apr 2002

Dana

Please call if you ever need to talk. I am here for you.

Monica

****

E-Mail From: d_scully@fbi.gov To: m_reyes9@fbi.gov Date: 25 Apr 2002

Monica,

Thank you for your concern. I'm going to be fine. I will be back to work on Monday.

****

E-Mail From: j_doggett3@fbi.gov To: d_scully@fbi.gov Date: 25 Apr 2002

I hope this finds you well. Just wanted to see how you were doing.

John Doggett  

****

E-Mail From: d_scully@fbi.gov To: j_doggett3@fbi.gov Date: 25 Apr 2002

John,

Thank you for your concern. I'm going to be fine. I will be back to work on Monday.

****

E-Mail From: reits@clinicalassociates.com To: dana_scully@fbi.gov Date: 9 May 2002

Dr. Scully,

My name is John Reits and I am a parapsychologist. I'd like to meet with you concerning a former patient of mine. Please contact me at this address or give me a call at 714-555-0146.

****

E-Mail From: walter_skinner@fbi.gov To: dana_scully@fbi.gov Date: 19 May 2002

Scully -

Do you ever answer your phone anymore? I need to see you in my office at once. Drop what you are doing and get over here now.

It's about Mulder.

****

The End

****

Notes:

Addendum:

R2NCl + H2O = Bellefleur + Braddock Heights? So claims a woman with node at C5

The Warrior Princess Super-Soldier chick had a node on the back of her neck (around the C5 vertebra) and had informed Scully that chloramine was being introduced into the water supply to transform the populace into super-soldiers. Scully was reminded of the water tampering in Braddock Heights (Wetwired).

****

Fe3O4 + R2NCl = ?

Mulder has discovered evidence of a connection between chloramine and magnetite, but isn't sure what it is.

****

Quantum suicide?

Scully's hoping to get some help on the case from 4D. Quantum suicide - as it pertains to the many-worlds interpretation and the case - encompasses the idea that all moments (however unlikely) with possibilities of occurrence greater than zero are experienced in some dimension.

Mulder's reply is just directing her to some related case files. Which I made up.

****

It was evening here But upon earth the very noon of night.

ncrl

Mulder's train will arrive at the New Carrollton train station at midnight

[imagining-in-the-margins]

1. No, it’s not. But I recommend stopping at the S14 finale, which is where everything stops making sense.

Spoilers for S14 Finale

(I’m honestly shocked if you’ve managed to avoid them):

Even aside from the nonsense that is shoving Jeid down our throats after 14 years of nothing, it’s obvious as hell the showrunner changed her mind (she admitted so herself). When both of your actors avoid talking about the scene, you know you’ve made a mistake.

It completely ruined Rossi’s wedding and made everything until 15x02 so fucking uncomfortable I actually left the room. But more than anything, the unsub made no sense. I get it, cases are hard. But why the FUCK would he care if JJ liked Spencer? He didn’t know she was married, much less not married to him? He didn’t know anything about them? Why did they randomly throw in a line about Spencer being in prison just for the guy to discount it?

None of it made any sense. It was super bad.

2. Everything.

Season 15 Spoilers

From the jump, JJ’s stupid ass decision to pick up the gun? Why would she do that? Seriously, why? Like... Spencer was right there. Why wouldn’t she just stand there and radio for him? They weren’t gonna get the gun, how the fuck would they do that?

Essentially, S15 turns all of the characters into fucking idiots. Starting at the S14 finale, they cheapen Spencer and JJ’s friendship AND JJ’s marriage. It turned it all into boy and girl can’t be friends, and I’ll never forgive them for it. It would have made eons more sense if it was a Jemily confession.

But beyond that, the only other episodes I’ve seen so far are Saturday and Date Night - two of the worst written episodes I’ve ever seen in this show. We ignore it because everyone loves Cat Adams, but that’s actually why I hate them. Also...

Max is a raging Mary Sue. 

She is a self-insert garbage character that I’m convinced was never supposed to exist. She was thrown in to make Spencer “normal” instead of just letting him be autistic. She’s rude to him and he doesn’t care because... they need him to not care about it. Her storyline makes no sense. She’s just meant to “fix” Spencer’s autism bc that’s the only way he could be happy and in love, right? If he’s “normal?”

You’re telling me that Spencer Reid, seasoned profiler and almost murderer who was imprisoned, REALLY thinks that his Mary Sue girlfriend is capable of murder? Look me in my eyes and tell me that. That’s the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard in my entire fucking life.

Even further, you’re telling me ACTUAL murderer, prolific hitwoman, and genius Cat Adams believes this random girl saying she murdered someone? The same girl who called Spencer on every bluff except the one about her father? ARE YOU JOKING?

Then the whole making Spencer super hot for Cat thing. She tried to murder his mother. She also either ordered someone to r*pe him, or at least made him believe it happened. Come on, man. I get it, it’s hot, whatever, but it really shouldn’t have been canon. It was just some horny writer being weird. Not to mention, it canonically made Spencer a cheater. 

I will never get over that scene - let’s walk through this from an unbiased perspective please:

Girlfriend witnesses boyfriend making out with murderer who tried to murder his mother and your family. Girlfriend says, “Hey, you seemed real into that kiss?”

Boyfriend laughs and goes “Haha, yep! Sure was.”

Girlfriend laughs and goes “Haha, you like the bad girls.”

Boyfriend who has never once shown a single interest in anyone even remotely resembling a bad girl ever in 15 seasons, “Yeah, usually. But I like you, good girl I just cheated on!”

Girlfriend is happy. “Let’s kiss!”

What the fuck. MAKE IT MAKE SENSE.

GIRL. L E  A V E H I M.

This isn’t even to mention that Spencer in 15x02 goes “I can’t imagine a life where I’m not waiting for JJ” to “I’m ready to move on with Max” in Saturday to “I’m hot for Cat” in Date Night to “Maeve is the only woman I’ve ever loved.” 

Pick a fucking lane, bro.

There’s a lot more I’ve heard but haven’t seen yet that is a disaster (including the continuity error where “Rossi knows the jet better than anyone” when he literally didn’t know it existed before he returned to the BAU - JJ and Spencer know it better than him). But I haven’t watched it yet so, guess we’ll find out then.

3-4. Hahah this made me laugh because my immediate answer was... 2008. I actually used to have a MGG/Spencer Reid blog in 2011. Let that sink in.

I think my rewatch started Dec 2019? I don’t remember. We took a lot of breaks, including a couple months between S12-13 since we bought them. I watched S13-14 in a week, lmao. We’ll probably finish S15 this week.

5. Awwwwe ewok baby! Clearly from how much I just typed in this massive rant, my arm is feeling somewhat better. I hope it is fully healed in a couple days, but until then I’m mostly just writing bar prep essays.

[nightowlfandom]

PROMPT LIST PART 4 2021 EDITION (NON- X RATED)

It...had been a long time coming I said this was coming....last year and it just didn’t happen. Until now! 

Rules- One, If a character you are asking for is depicted as high school age, then please be aware they will be written in a style that has them being 18 or older and most likely will not be written in a NSFW sense. I enforce this rule because while I do like writing for people, SFW or NSFW it’s just...what I like to do. I have every right to deny your request, please keep that in mind. Two....there is no rule two.

Here’s how you request- Choose 2- 5 prompts (No more than 5, no less than 2) and those will used to make a one-shot or two-shot depending on how long it gets. You need to tell me who you want me to write about (and if it’s an AU, then state that as well.) Then give me a short summary of what you want it to be about. (Example- You want a Vampire AU about Levi Ackerman with 2,5, 18, 27, and 45. Boom!) If you want smut, PLEASE SPECIFY! I won’t write smut if you don’t ask. Same with if you want a certain type of au or fluff/ angst. Just let me know.

Side note- I write a lot of AU’s and am pretty much open to whatever. Yandere, Tsundere, Office AU, Mafia AU, Vampire AU, Royal AU, Ghost AU, Magical AU -BItch I do everything. HOWEVER I WILL NOT WRITE non-consent, Incest (including step siblings), Underaged readers and anything along those lines.

I write for fluff, smut, AND angst. More fluff and smut but yeah. I also ask if you could say ‘please’ when you request because MANNERS PEOPLE!

Do I do ships- YES! Not often but if you ask I’ll do it.

Link to my masterlist here!

I write for various K-pop groups, animes, Voltage games/Otome Visual Novels, and Final Fantasy/Misc. If you need clarification on if I write for a certain character just go ahead and ask

By the way if you see some repeats from my last prompt list, just hushity hush! I liked them okay? It’s our little secret alright? I will NOT take requests from past prompt lists.

... (Actual prompts below the cut) ⬇️

...

1- Have you ever just wanted to...run away from it all?

2-  I’ve wanted to tell you this for a long time...

3- People like that are just jealous of you, you know that right?

4- Stop looking down, you’re too pretty to be that shy.

5- I know you’ve never done anything with anyone before…so I’m gonna make sure your first time is special!

6- You asked me to take care of it...so I’ll take care of it.

7- If anyone even THINKS about touching you, I’ll kick their asses!

8-Oh baby, I treat you like a maid because that’s basically all you are.

9- I love this new angry side of you, it’s so hot.

10- I think I’ll keep you as a pet! You’re fun to mess with.

11- Why can’t you just admit you have feelings for me?!

12- I love you. I-I said it! I just-...I love you so much Y/N

13- I’m not shy! I’m just not used to girls like you being so close to me.

14- Cute? Did you call me cute?!? 

15- Come on! We have so much to do today!

16- Do you want me to sing a song for you to help you get to sleep? Okay then...

17- Well you just kissed me and I don’t even know your name...wanna fix that?

18- Alright, alright! I’ll stop making fun of you okay? Just don’t leave.

19- Hmm, who you tryna’ look sexy for babygirl?

20- Don’t finish that sentence darling...it won’t end well for you.

21- Let’s cuddle and I’ll stroke your hair, okay?

22- I dare you to finish that sentence...

23- Is that my shirt?

24- We can’t be just friends...I’m too in love with you.

25- What. Did. They. Say to you? I won’t ask again.

26- S-so, I guess this means we’re together now?

27- I couldn’t stop thinking about you all day.

28- Shhh, be quiet. We can’t be too loud, babe.

29- When are you going to realize that I can treat you better than he could?!

30- Dance for me. I’ll sit right here and you put on a show, okay?

31- I know it seems like we’re moving too fast but I haven’t felt this way about someone in a long time...I think I’m in love with you

32- Do we have too!? I wore my comfy pants today!

33- If I cared enough to give that asshole the time of day I’d probably be in jail Y/N...

34- Do you think trying to make me jealous is a smart move sweetheart?

35- You’ve been avoiding me...why?

36- I got into a fight, not like I killed someone. Geez Y/N...

37- I didn’t know what kind of flowers you liked...so I got everything they had!

38- I bought takeout! It’s time for me to cheer you up, babe

39- I’d much rather hang out with you than those jerks, what do ya say?

40- *Trips and falls* Oh I’m sorry, I was just making sure I wasn’t dreaming. *flirty smile*

41- I’ll be the best boyfriend you’ve ever had! i promise.

42- How dare you say things about me that are 100% true! I am offended!

43- You know I can tell when you’re lying, right?

44- You know that feeling when it seems like you two are the only people in a room?...That’s how I feel right now.

45- It’s you and me, not us and them. Fuck what they think.

46- You never told me you were in a band!!

47- You’re too cheeky for you own good, kid.

48- Stay a little longer?

49- Say you’re mine! Say it, say it, say it! *Insert giggle here*

50- I think you’ve lost your mind, but okay!

51- Damn, you look good in that dress.

52- Hi, I’m your next best mistake, what’s your name?

53- It breaks my heart to see you so sad.

54- You can lay on my chest if it makes you feel better.

55- Damnit Y/N! I’m trying to confess my feelings to you!

56- I had a dream about you.

57- I know you’re shy around my friends, but they love you!

58- I hate when we fight...let’s just calm down for a second.

59- I didn’t know you liked playing Cat and Mouse.

60- I may or may not have peeked in your diary...

61- Normal? Baby we’re the farthest from it.

62- Avoiding me won’t fix your undying love for me, many have tried but all have failed.

63- Just admit you’re in love with me Y/N...maybe we can have some fun later.

64- Of all the days to be stuck with someone, it’s you...ugh

65- Please never give up for me...or us.

66- Look at me when I fuck you...(I have a feeling this is gonna be a favorite)

67- Aww! Let me play a tune for you on the world’s smallest violin!! (I love spongebob lol) 

68- You never told me you could sing!!

69- Bend over this counter. I need to fill you up.

70- Babe...Lets just calm down. You’re making that face you make when you’re about to-

71- Let’s prepare a Hot Pot today! That always makes us feel better, right? (Hot Pot on a cold rainy day...YESSSS)

72- Me? You...want to be my girlfriend. You sure? Because I am a huge handful.

73- I want you to have my children...I want to be with you forever.

74- Come here girl, let me show you how much I love you.

75- I’ll give you a second chance to fix what you just said babygirl.

76- Everytime I leave you alone, you always make a mess.

78- What’s that thing you do with your neck when you’re mad? Yeah that neck roll thing! Teach me how to do that!

79- Let’s just relax and sleep in all day.

80- You sounded very serious on the phone. What’s up?

81- Yes, I am very awkward and yes I’m probably making this ten times worse than it already is....but 

82- You’re gonna make beg for forgiveness aren’t you.

83- How are we gonna fix this? Because breaking up isn’t an option Y/N.

84- I didn’t think you’d ever love me back...I’m so happy.

85- I wanna meet your parents!

86- Looks like someone could use a visit from the tickle monster!

87- I’d rather die than admit I have feelings for you! You’re disgusting and....perfect in every way,

88- Y/N, Y/N GET IN HERE! WE’RE ON TV!!!

89- Be mine?...I’m gonna keep asking until you say yes! 

90- Okay stop it already! People are gonna think I’m bullying you if you keep sobbing like that.

91- I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong!

92- You’re acting like a four year old right now!

93- Calm down, I’m just giving you a massage.

94- It’s been awhile since...all that happened.

95- Sending memes at three in the morning is NOT productive!

96- Okay...before you get mad, just know I did it because I love you!

97- How many times can I make you blush today, I’m curious to know.

98- Sometimes it’s nice to just stargaze. It calms me down a lot.

99- I suppose this is a good time to mention that I can’t cook!

100- So...about that picture you sent me today....

101- Hm...why don’t you sit on my lap and tell me what you want.

102- I don’t have anything to hide. I’m an open book.

103- Ah! Don’t look at me! I’m not decent! No! Aaah!

104- I mean you could...come to my place! We could have a little date y’know.

105- Snail, Mouse, Pet, Underling, pick a name, Babes.

106- Y/N, I think we’re drunk. And as responsible adults, we should take our clothes off so we don’t suffocate!

107- Okay babe! Tell me all about your day....Your coworker did what?!!

108- I know you’re not asleep, Y/N.

109 - Are you crying because of me? Hm...I didn’t realize I have that effect on you.

110- That’s daddy to you, sweetheart.

ALRIGHT! THOSE ARE THE PROMPTS. GO CRAZY!

[runtedfiction]

Home

A/N: for zutara week day 1! i’ve only watched half of korra so i don’t know what actually happens in canon, only that zutara didn’t 😔

AO3

  *     *     *

Toph is the first to leave. Her final wave is larger than life, her smile brighter than the sun, as she and the Bei Fong security team kickstart their ostrich horses. “See ya later!”

Katara watches her go from the steps of the Jasmine Dragon, laughing and crying. 

“And so she sneaks in one last blind joke,” Sokka says, rubbing at his eyes. Suki rubs his back. “Those Bei Fongs better take care of her.”

“It’s ok,” Aang says, also wiping at tears. He slips his hand into Katara’s, a quiet show of affection that she knows everyone notices. “This isn’t where the journey ends!” 

“How can you be so sure about that, Aang?” she asks. “Sure, there’s lots of rebuilding to do, but I’m not sure if we can exactly do it together and—”

“We can,” Zuko cuts in. Though it’s been so long, she’s reminded of the first time she saw him in the Jasmine Dragon. But now here he is, hair down and shaggy, the happiest she’s ever seen him. 

“Aang and I can’t rebuild the world alone,” he says. A glimmer of hope takes root in her heart. “We’re going to need all your help. Aang and I want to hold annual Summit Weeks for the next three years to fully realize our vision of peace; we would be honored to have all of Team Avatar there.”

“Of course,” Sokka says. “No brainer, I’ll be there.”

“Me too,” says Suki. “The Kyoshi Warriors are honored to serve.”

“I’ll be there too,” Katara echos. So much has changed in the past year, and she wonders what will change in the next. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

   *     *     *

Katara, Aang, and Sokka leave Ba Sing Se for the Southern Water Tribe, and Team Avatar’s first year apart begins. 

Katara and Sokka set on rebuilding their home, bringing in new technology and infrastructure. They sit next to their father at council meetings, paving paths of future greatness. Aang sticks around for the first three months before he leaves too to restore the air temples. “Just like you’re building a future here for new generations of waterbenders,” he explains, hand on top of hers, “I’m going to do the same for airbenders. We need our homes back.”

He promises to visit once every few weeks, and Katara sees him off with a kiss. He blushes like he always does, and an overwhelming fondness fills her. Aang may be 113, but he’s 13 in her eyes, giddy to hold her close and call her his. 

After he leaves, Katara forgets the rest of the world, only remembering it when Aang comes back full of stories. But one morning a messenger hawk is spotted on the horizon. She drops her scrolls to sprint to it-- Zuko . They haven’t spoken since Ba Sing Se, and she fumbles with the red ribbon around the message, shaking with excitement. 

  Katara,

I know it’s been a while since you’ve heard from me, and I hope you’re doing well. As always, thank you for doing your part in ending the war. I also don’t know how I can thank you enough for saving my life; every day I’m reminded in some way.

Now that I’m settled in, I want to discuss plans for the new era of peace. For the Southern Water Tribe, this means reparations from the Fire Nation and electing a representative as a point of contact for our interim council. I’m drafting proposals and will be sending them over shortly; please let me know if I should be sending them to you, your father, or Sokka. 

Again, I hope you’re doing well. The Summit Week will be a few months from now, and I hope to see you there. Write back soon.

Your friend,

Zuko

P.S. I know this letter may sound stuffy, and I’m Fire Lord now, but some part of me will always be the 16 year old rehearsing “Hello, Zuko here” and hoping for your forgiveness. Also, I hope Sokka’s not offended that I only sent this to you.

 Sokka sticks his nose in the air when he reads this. “I am offended.”

“Oh grow up,” Katara says, laughing. “Think about how great it’ll be to see everyone again soon.”

Will Toph be taller, or Zuko’s hair shorter? Will Suki and Ty Lee go to the Summit? And speaking of the Summit, what can she advocate for during it? Katara picks up a pen and begins writing a reply, daydreaming about seeing her friends again in the back of her mind.

   *     *     *

“Twinkle toes, I missed you so much .” 

Toph runs towards Appa and gives them all a hug as soon as they land. She’s a bit taller, and behind her is Zuko, hair a bit longer, who joins the hug as soon as Katara pulls him in. 

“Where’s Suki?” Sokka asks.

“The Kyoshi Warriors insisted on being private security for the event,” Zuko explains. “But Suki, come on out. Your boyfriend is eager to see you, no one’s looking to kill me here.”

“Suki!” Sokka runs to her as soon she slips out of the shadows, and Katara’s heart fills. Everyone’s together again.

Later that evening, Zuko joins them for dinner in their suite. It’s a curious affair--fire flakes alongside stewed sea prunes, cabbage noodles, and tofu. Sokka eats like a vacuum, and Katara is pleased that Aang has so many choices. She wonders if Zuko did research beforehand. 

“I hope you’ve all been briefed on the schedule for the coming week,” Zuko says. “And I know it seems like a lot. But rest assured that every event will lead to an action item on my docket.”

“And,” he continues, “it might be boring. Insufferable, even. But to the world, we’re one of the most important teams guiding things forward.”

“Don’t worry, Zuko, we can do it,” Katara says, and he looks at her with a smile. For the past few months they’ve exchanged letters about rebuilding the Southern Water Tribe (they’ll ask the North for funds too), outlawing bloodbending (Zuko promised to help), and the new name of the four nations. 

“The United Republic of Nations,” Aang says, digging into his sweet buns. “I like it.”

   *     *     *

During the recess of The State of Bending talk, Zuko finds Katara and places a hand on her shoulder. 

“People like Yakone are the worst,” he says. “But it’s going to be fine, don’t worry.”

“He’s pond scum!” Katara hisses. “I hate people who lie like that. And calling me not only a child but also a coward, with that look in his eye--Aang had to stop me from bloodbending him right there and then.”

“He’s pond scum, yes,” Zuko agrees, “but all you have to do is hear him out and make sure the interim councilmembers hear your arguments. I’ll back you up.”

“I know, I know. But still, pond scum!”

“Yup,” Zuko says, a smile on his face. “He’s cold ashes. We can take him.”

“You’re right.” Katara thinks of the times they followed each other into battle. This is no different; if anything, at least they’re not putting their lives on the line. “Thanks, Zuko.” 

“No problem.” His smile grows soft. “And as always, I’m the one who should be thanking you.”

He follows her back into the meeting room where she makes history, her eyes glowing with the conviction she soon becomes famous for.

   *     *     *

Almost two years later, after another Summit Week passes and just before the third one, Zuko sends Katara a letter that begins with It’s official! and ends with a copy of the new legislation outlawing bloodbending.

And in the middle of the Southern Air Temple’s training grounds, Katara jumps and yells with excitement.

Within a minute Aang is by her side, concern in his eyes. “Is everything alright?” 

“Yes yes yes!” She kisses him on the cheek, and he looks confused. “The Council passed that bloodbending legislation! Oh, Aang, this is so great.”

“Oh yeah--awesome!” He says. “I’m really happy for you!”

“I can’t believe it actually worked,” Katara holds the letter close to her heart. “I can’t believe it!”

“I know, this is so good for you,” Aang says, his voice a bit rushed. “And I’m sorry but—”

“You have to go tend to the Air Acolytes,” Katara says. “I’m not in danger, don’t worry! You can hurry back.”

“Thanks for always understanding,” Aang says, giving her a quick kiss. Then he leaves in a gust of air, and Katara sits on the soft grass, feeling the breeze.

Aang resists political involvement, citing the Avatar’s need for neutrality, so it’s understandable that he isn’t as excited as her. Aang needs to preserve the traditions of the Air Nomads, so it’s understandable that he can’t be with her all the time. Aang is constantly called to stop civil wars or investigate malicious spirits, so it’s understandable that Katara sometimes goes a week without seeing him even if he asked her to live with him for a bit. 

Katara understands these things, and yet some part of her yearns for the South Pole, for anywhere that feels like home. She’s acutely aware that Aang’s duty is to the world, and yet some part of her feels so small and alone. 

At least there’s this letter. It's confirmation that her work these past few years has been worth it. And if the rumors are true, the nation heads are working on a new permanent council to govern the United Republic of Nations. 

The era of peace is being fully realized, and Katara wonders how she can ask for a seat on the council.

A few weeks later, just as she begins writing a letter to ask her father if he could recommend her ( I know I’m barely 18, I know I only have experience with our small tribe, but I know I’m the best person for the job ), a message arrives. 

I’ve written to your father to ask him to nominate you for the Southern Water Tribe Representative on the new council, Zuko says. If I could recommend you myself, I would. If he nominates you (and I don’t see why he wouldn’t), prepare to defend that nomination at the upcoming Summit. 

Katara nearly cries, and Aang places a hand on top of hers. Even the sun seems to shine brighter; a leaf dances in through the window of the study room. 

“Is everything alright?” he asks. 

“Everything’s great,” she says. The thought of potentially moving to Republic City as a councilmember (and thereby leaving Aang’s side for some time) briefly flickers in her mind. “I have some great news.”

   *     *     *

The third and final Summit Week comes, and Katara has the daunting task of defending her nomination in front of the nations’ leaders. Even though this really only means speaking in front of the Earth King and Northern Water Tribe Chief (Aang, Zuko, and her father are also in the room, but do they really count?), this is turned against her. 

“Your father, partner, and longtime friend are likely going to vote for your approval. You already have three out of five votes secured. What do you say to people who claim nepotism?” 

“With all due respect,” Zuko cuts in, a bit angry, “this question seems unfair, and—”

“It’s ok,” Katara says, voice measured. “People are going to say this. And to that I say that my accomplishments in the Southern Water Tribe, from securing and using reparations funds to build our growing nation to advocating for all waterbenders, not just the men, speaks volumes. I also originated the legislation that’s now in place to outlaw bloodbending. I pushed for these initiatives with the help of the people you just named, but ultimately I did it.”

Zuko smiles. He remembers some old campfire story Sokka told about Sapphire Fire as he watches Katara talk her through every sticky question. She’s going to do great on The Council, no doubt.

She’s already amazing. 

   *     *     *

Katara sighs in relief when the nation heads confirm her council seat. 

Team Avatar celebrates over dinner. Only it isn’t a private room this time, like it was two years ago--this time around, it’s in the Fire Nation palace, in the biggest hall Katara has ever seen. Everyone invited to Summit Week dines together, the golden walls housing the noisy chatter of the most important people in the world.

Zuko prepared formal clothes for them tailored to their respective traditions, and as always, his quiet attention to detail never fails to amaze her.

“Tonight, we feast!” Sokka says, opening their table’s meal with a toast. “To my sister, who has never failed to be annoying and fight for the things she cares about. The Southern Water Tribe and the world are in debt to you, Councilwoman Katara.”

“To Katara!” Aang says, and everyone follows suit. Their glasses clink together, and Katara feels at home for the first time in a long time. 

Toph tells them about all the lies she’s heard today (“People even lie about the kinds of tea they like, how weird is that!”), Suki pretends to chi block Sokka when he steals food off her plate, and Aang and Zuko trade friendly insults about who’s taller. 

It’s perfect.

   *     *     *

Dear Zuko,

Thanks so much for your support in nominating me to the council. You beat me to asking my father for his recommendation, and your confidence in me means the world. For what it’s worth, the way you and Aang have been dealing with the newly freed Fire Nation colonies is incredible. The world is lucky to have you both. 

Moving to Republic City is going to be tricky, but I’ll be there before the end of month. I hope to see you there not only for my swearing in ceremony, but also for advising sessions. I’m sure we’ll see each other soon. Still kind of surreal!

Speaking of surreal things, I can’t believe you’ve been raising a dragon. On the one mission I was allowed to join Aang on, we found a herd of sky bison; they’re not extinct either! Appa’s babies are going to be so cute. 

And finally, speaking of cute things, I’ve attached a painting that an Air Acolyte child did of you. Look--the scar is on the right side.

Your friend,

Katara

   *     *     *

Moving to Republic City is tricky because Aang’s schedule collides with, well, everything.

Katara brings it up one night over dinner. “How is visiting each other going to work?” 

“I don’t know,” Aang says. He picks up some silken tofu gently with his chopsticks, careful to not let it split. “This next month the Southern Air Temple is pretty set, but there’s two more to fill with Acolytes. There’s still rumors of civil unrest in the freed colonies. Zuko said he wanted an Air Temple Island next to Republic City, right? Maybe I could stay there?”

“Zuko wants your supervision on it, but the Island might not be ready for construction for another year at least. What if you stayed in the city with me for some time?”

“I don’t know,” Aang says with a sigh. “There’s too much to do, and I think the Eastern Air Temple needs full restoration next to establish a spiritual home. I’m really sorry, I know this is your dream and I’m making it difficult.”

“It’s ok, don’t worry,” Katara says. “You’re the Avatar. You serve the world.”

“I wish I could do more for you too though.” Aang looks remorseful, and Katara places her hand over his. He hesitates, then asks, “Do you--do you think you could ever take a week off and find me?”

Katara pulls her hand back. “What? No. The Council has so much to do, I even just wrote this whole Constitution proposal, and I don’t think that I could just leave for a week without that having serious conseq—”

“Oh, yeah, wait, I really didn’t mean to imply that leaving your job to see me wouldn’t have serious consequences.” Aang grabs her hand, and she appreciates the quick backtrack. 

But it still stings. “Our jobs aren’t equally important and that’s ok,” she says, “but we have to figure out a system to see each other. Do you know a rough timeline of what next year would look like for you yet?”

“No,” Aang says, quiet. “Like I said, there’s too much to do. All I know...all I know is that I don’t want to feel like I’m losing you because you’re my forever girl.”

“Aang, you’re not losing me.” A beat passes, and she hesitates. “But forever is--forever is a really long time and I don’t know how to think about that, let’s focus on the next few years maybe--”

“I was trapped in ice for 100 years, Katara!” She can see tears brimming in his eyes, and it’s hard to comfort him when she’s the one doing the hurting. “A few years is nothing. I might have been trapped forever, if not for you or Sokka--I know how precious time is, but also how to wait, and I know I want you in my time.”

“I know that’s what you want,” Katara says, voice soft. And the next words to come out of her mouth are dangerous, something she only thinks when she’s alone. When Aang leaves her with a gust of wind. When she thinks about how the Southern Water Tribe might not even feel like home anymore; Sokka says so much has changed in the last year she’s been gone. “If we can’t see each other for the next few years, I’m not sure what I want.”

Aang is silent, and Katara’s stomach sinks. How could I say that? 

But also, her heart soars— thank God I was able to say that.

“I understand,” he finally says. He stands and picks up their empty bowls. “You need to find your way. And for now, that isn’t with me.” 

Tears well in her eyes. She nods.

   *     *     *

Katara,

Aang told me what happened. I really hope you’re doing ok. When Mai broke up with me, I was devastated, but I understood that she wanted more out of life than watching other people live it. Not to say that’s what you’re doing, but more that I understood her perspective, much like I’m sure Aang will understand yours. (I realize this is completely unsolicited personal advice advice. Don’t worry, I’ve attached suggested edits to your constitution proposal to this letter.)

But really, if you need anything to get to Republic City, let me know. Druk’s gotten big enough to fly now, and the palaces always have empty rooms ready to receive guests. I can also always make arrangements.

Your Friend,

Zuko

 (Aang still insists on dropping her off to Republic City, which Katara knows is his way of saying sorry. When they arrive, trying very hard not to cry, she hugs Aang as tight as she can before sliding off Appa. 

“Write often,” she says. “And thank you.” 

“I will,” he says. “And I should be thanking you, so don’t worry. I’ll see you later.”

He leaves with a defeated look on his face, and that’s when Katara lets herself cry.)

   *     *     *

Living in Republic City still doesn’t feel real. Katara has never had a place to call her own before, and the idea of this apartment being hers is foreign. 

At her swearing in ceremony, Zuko and her father are the only familiar faces in the crowd. Sokka, Toph, and Suki are all home as far as she knows, and Aang is at the Eastern Air Temple. But Zuko and her father bring flowers and words of congratulations, and that’s more than enough.  

“Your mother would be so proud,” Hakoda says. “I knew even before you and Zuko sent those letters that you’d be the one for the job.”

“Thanks Dad,” Katara says, holding him tight for a hug. “I wish Mom were here to see this.” 

“Me too.”

Next is Zuko, holding a bouquet of fire lilies. “I don’t remember if you like flowers, but I figured they’re a nice formality. Congrats, Councilwoman Katara.” 

She holds the flowers and pulls him in close for a hug. “They’re beautiful. Thanks.” 

A few weeks later, Katara finishes the first official draft of the United Republic’s Constitution. It’s one thing to read the historical documents that shaped each nation, and another to write them herself. Undeniable rights, government structure, due process--it's all she can think about for weeks.  

She sends copies to all her friends, looking for advice. But it’s nice to catch up in the letters too; Suki has moved to the Southern Water Tribe for the time being. Sokka says Master Pakku and Gran Gran are disgustingly in love. Even Aang replies--it’s short and Katara can hear the hurt in his voice, but he’s trying, and that’s all she can ask for. 

Zuko is the only person whose feedback she can hear in person. When he’s not advising the greater Council or overseeing construction of Air Temple Island he’s in Katara’s office, dropping off scrolls and occasionally serving tea. 

"The Jasmine Dragon’s White Dragon,” Katara says, reading the label on the tin that Zuko carefully measures leaves from. He laughs. “What’s so funny?” 

“My uncle once drank something thinking it was white dragon, but it was white jade. And you think it wouldn’t be too bad, but he was covered in rashes for days. Everywhere.” 

Katara smiles. “That’s horrible.” 

“It’s ok, we figured it out.” Zuko’s eyes have a faraway look, one that Katara often sees in herself. So much has changed in the past five years, but sometimes it’s easy to get lost in thinking about what it was like when the world was ending. 

“Anyway,” Zuko says. “I have a free night a month from now, and we should get dinner at this new place I hear is good.”

“Kwong’s Cuisine?”

“Yup, that’s the one!” Zuko clears his throat. “Oh, and, to clarify, other people should come too if they’re free. Like, if Sokka is in town, or Suki, or Toph, or Aang. Although, I guess maybe not Aa—”

“Zuko,” Katara says with a laugh. “It’s fine. Kwong’s Cuisine a month from now sounds great.”

“Ok, sorry. Anyway, the Constitution…”

When he leaves, Katara finds herself smiling. Zuko’s cute when he’s flustered. 

   *     *     *

Katara only has one set of clothes fancy enough for Kwong’s, and it’s the set that Zuko gave her at the Summit a year ago. 

Zuko notices when she arrives. “Are these the—”

“Yeah,” she says. “I guess it might be a bit embarrassing, but I don’t have much time to go shopping.”

“It’s not embarrassing, and that makes sense.” She takes a seat across from him. “If anything, it’s embarrassing how many robes I have. They have stewed sea prunes here, by the way. ”

“My favorite!”

They order a strange blend of Fire Nation and Water Tribe foods, but to their credit, the wait staff says nothing, only bowing deeply. 

Katara refills their tea cups. “Speaking of sea prunes--even at the Summit, four years ago, when you had them served for dinner. How on earth did you remember that Sokka and I liked them?” 

“You said it one random night years ago,” Zuko says. “And maybe Sokka said it in his sleep. The night we all came to Ember Island, I think.”

Katara’s impressed. “Wow, you remember that so clearly.”

Zuko nods, and there’s that faraway look in his eyes again. “Everything in the days after I joined Team Avatar and leading up to that final Agni Kai I remember very clearly.”

“Me too.”

Katara places her hand over his, briefly, to pull him back in the present. It seems to work.

“But hey,” she says. “Look where we are now! And to be honest, sometimes what I remember most is how mean I was to you in the beginning.”

What she doesn’t say is what she actually remembers most is Zuko jumping in front of lightning for her. 

He laughs. “I remember you threatening to kill me if I ever stepped out of line.”

“Hey, hey,” Katara says. “Again, like I said, look where we are now! A valid point at the time though.” 

“I know,” Zuko says. He’s handsome when he smiles too.

A few weeks after Kwong’s, Katara replays the night in her head and steps out of the shower, bending herself dry. Fuck, she thinks. I'm in love with Zuko.

   *     *     *

Katara can’t pinpoint exactly when she started having feelings for Zuko, but now that she’s in the thick of it, it doesn’t matter. 

What matters is that when she signs the Constitution, he hands her the pen. When rumors of bloodbending start, he helps her squash illegal training camps. When Toph joins the police force, he’s at her side to welcome her on the steps of City Hall.

“Sugar Queen, Sparky!” Toph opens her arms for a hug and Katara sprints into it. “It’s good to see you.”  

“Toph, it’s so good to see you.” 

“Orientation starts in a few minutes, so I have to go. But Sparky, that life-changing field trip--I still need it. I expect an itinerary by the end of the week.” 

Zuko smiles. “You got it.” 

The curious thing about being in love with the Fire Lord is that it’s not the grand things that Katara likes. It’s the small things. The way he always remembers to ask her how she’s doing, or how he sends tins of white dragon tea to her office. Even when she doesn’t see him for a week (Katara knows Zuko must be horribly busy and doesn’t understand how he has the energy to fly to Republic City on a weekly basis), thoughts of him live in her mind.

And so it’s terrifying but also easy after their second dinner at Kwong’s to move in a bit closer than she normally would. 

“Thanks for flying me home,” Katara says. “I’m sure Druk wants to go home now too.” 

“He doesn’t like the city. It’s too dense for him.” Zuko’s hard to read, as usual, and it’s terrifying to bet their friendship on this, but she knows she has to. “It might be ti—”

She cuts him off to kiss him, and for a second, time stops. But then another second passes, and another, and Katara is pulling back because ok, wow, holy shit was that the wrong thing to do .

But then he pulls her in tighter, kisses her more deeply, and happiness fills Katara the way fire lilies drink in rain after a drought. 

“I love you,” he says, arms tight around her waist as he pulls her in for a hug. “I love you, and sometimes it feels like I’ve loved you all my life.”

   *     *     *

Fire Nation summers are unforgivingly hot, and in the last few months of her term as councilwoman, Katara finds herself spending more time in the palace with Zuko. 

She’s nominated Sokka to take her place on the United Republic Council, and he and Suki are moving to Republic City next weekend. It’s just in time for the unveiling of Air Temple Island. Aang will be the guest of honor, and Toph his security.

“I don’t think we’ve all been together since the summit four years ago,” Zuko says. They’re feeding the turtleducks at sunset, the only time of day when it finally starts cooling down. 

She bends little ripples in the water, and the turtleducklings quack with delight. 

“It’ll be great to see everyone again,” Katara says. “And I can’t wait for Sokka to start working so I don’t have to anymore.” 

“Have you given more thought to what you want to do once you leave?”

She nods. “Yes, but there’s so much to do. I could train new healers or new waterbenders in the south. I could lobby for special interests like the former colonists. I could travel the world for personal enjoyment. Right now I’m leaning towards going back to the south.”

“That does sound like a lot to think about.” 

“I know,” Katara says. “And I once fought with Aang about it, but now I understand. Sometimes it feels like there’s too much to do, and it’s easy to feel like you don’t know where to get started.”

“I have a suggestion,” Zuko says, “if it’s hard to get started. You could stay here, with me.”

Her heart skips a beat. “Stay?”

“Stay,” he says, like it’s simple, obvious even, for Katara to uproot her life and live in the Fire Nation. 

To be fair, it wouldn’t be much uprooting. All she has is her apartment in Republic City, and even that doesn’t have many things in it. 

“Hmm,” she says. “I never really thought about that.”

Zuko takes her hand, laces her fingers through his. Her heart aches at how gentle it is. “Maybe I’m not suggesting so much as I’m asking.  You can split your time between here and the South Pole, even just three to four months out of the year here would be fine.”

“You’d really want me to stay?” 

“Of course,” Zuko says. It’s unspoken, but Katara knows there’s the possibility of staying in the Fire Nation permanently down the line. And even more unspoken--she’s only 21, after all--is the possibility of being Fire Lady. 

“I’ll take your suggestion,” Katara says, “and much like your letters, I’ll give you a response in five to ten business days.” 

He groans and she laughs, kisses him on the cheek. 

“Yes,” she says. “I’ll stay.”

   *     *     *

A little more than a decade after Zuko’s coronation, Team Avatar reunites in the Fire Nation for a wedding. 

It’s an entire day of ceremonies that marry Water Tribe and Fire Nation tradition. Zuko and Katara kneel in front of the Southern Water Tribe, the Fire Nation, and the spirits to bind their souls in marriage. It feels like the world’s oldest love story (Tui and La, Oma and Shu, Zuko and Katara), and in a way, it is. The brilliant blue of her robes pair nicely with his scarlet red, and the world cheers when they raise their hands together.

The dinner party is the first time of day where Katara can talk to Zuko. She tells him how handsome he looks and how much she loves him. She murmurs these words quickly--in the only break with tradition that day, Katara demanded that they be seated with all their friends and not separately.

She does it so she can look around at the people she loves most. Toph, Sokka, Suki, Aang, Zuko --these are the people who bookend her life.

She’s home.

[apsaraqueen]

For the ask: Love & Sleep. I started listing questions and then realised there were only 5 I missed out, so... ALL OF THE QUESTIONS PLEASE. I WANT TO KNOW ALL YOUR BRAIN THOUGHTS ABOUT LS.

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

There’s a lot of ways to interpret this question! In terms of substance, I wanted to write the kind of classic “the Shitennou come back” fic for Jadeite and Rei (my OTP, of course) that I’ve always wanted to read - something long and layered that deals with what happens after the initial shock, distrust, etc. of the return and delves into what the process of forgiveness and rediscovery might really look like. And to be clear, I’ve definitely read a lot of wonderful takes on this concept, it’s not new and so many other authors have done it better, but I haven’t found any that focused on my favorite couple (if there’s one I’ve missed, PLEASE SEND IT TO ME). And then stylistically, I just kind of wanted to write something...indulgent. For myself, really. Slow-paced, dreamy, gentle. I hope it hits the mark.

2: What scene did you first put down?

Boringly enough - the first scene! Where Jadeite, now called Junin, comes back, taking place on the grounds of the shrine. I had the image in my head for a long time before I started the fic.

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

I...have no idea. It honestly changes all the time. I’ll just pick a random one I like. It’s of Rei watching Junin (the reincarnated Jadeite) sleep. Not creepy at all, right? I like the level of comfort between the two it implies, and it’s just a tender, quiet moment with her thinking of him, and of what draws her to him.

Junin slept on his back, one arm tucked under his nape, the other tossed across his front; the length of his legs extended several centimeters past the rumpled sheets’ edge. A book propped on his chest bore an English title that made little sense to her. She knelt by his head, suddenly concerned he might be feverish, or taken ill. He wasn’t sweating, nor ashen. The priestess touched his forehead and found the temperature not dissimilar to her own.

Under her palm his eyebrows bristled, permanently arched where hers ran like the ties of train tracks. She felt fine sun-lines there that she couldn’t see. Against her fingers his hair was dense, grown now slightly off the scalp, lightened more from working outdoors. She took back her hand, put it in her lap. From time to time it still startled her, to be able to look at him like this, unrationed. Even here at rest, she thought there was control in his features, a kind of ruthless calm she’d never been able to help responding to.

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

This is really hard because I wouldn’t call this a dialogue-driven fic. Why, you ask? Because I can’t write dialogue to save my life. A lot of this fic - maybe even the majority - exists between the spaces of what’s said, so the dialogue is pretty.........formless. If I had to pick, I’d probably go with this.

“I killed you,” she said, and couldn’t help but add, “twice.”

“You were right,” he told her.

“And I didn't want to,” she went on dully. “When you came I – thought you were a ghost.”

“You wish I were?”

“I wish I didn’t remember. What we did.”

“Them,” said Junin. “Not us.”

She said, low: “I wish we’d done – anything else.”

I liked writing this because while I definitely think there’s a part of Rei struggling to forgive Junin for what his past self did, I also think there’s maybe even a larger part that wishes none of it happened at all, that their history could be erased and they could start fresh, that recognizes culpability is often complex and not as one-sided as you maybe want it to be (this of course depends on how you headcanon the Silver Millennium going down - I like to imagine it wasn’t necessarily all Shitennou=bad, Senshi=good).

5: What part was hardest to write?

Urg. Writing the first Silver Millennium flashback was pretty hard. It took me forever to figure out the right tone that didn’t sound horribly stilted and Lord of the Rings-esque. Also hard trying to convey the differences between Mars/Jadeite and Rei/Junin along with the similarities. Rei, for example, is a lot more wounded and careful with her emotions, for obvious reasons, than Mars ever was. And while Junin is still capable of being somewhat morally ambiguous, he’s also genuinely a nicer guy than the more politically-minded Jadeite could be. I wanted to get that across without getting mired in irrelevant details about the past……….which I maybe need to save for another longwinded fic altogether. *bangs head on wall*

After the first flashback things fell into line, more or less, but I must have rewritten that first one, like, ten times.

6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?

It’s longer than 12,000 words! AND took me more than double that to get to any smut! In seriousness, I think this is the first multichaptered fic I’ve written since, like.............high school.

7: Where did the title come from?

From the poem of the same name by A.C. Swinburne. It’s quite sexy, and the woman described in it sounds very much like Rei to my mind.

8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of it?

Normally, with most of my fics, I’d say yes...but in this case, not really. Other than the food. I most definitely drew on real-life inspiration - delicious things I’ve eaten, particularly while in Tokyo - for the food. You’ll never find me writing a fic without some gratuitous food pr0n in there for good measure. The wagashi shop the girls meet at is based on one I visited while there, actually.

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

Not really. You could say this is in some ways an alternate version of another fic I wrote a while back, Tragedia? When I wrote that one I had in the back of my mind that someday I should write the same concept with a very different ending...and here we are.

10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?

Because I love them! And I feel like I rarely see them happy in fic (to be clear, I do love my RxJ angst, so that’s not a bad thing!). I wanted to write a story for them that felt realistic and for lack of a better word, adult - that progressed in a natural way. I wanted to challenge myself to do it in a way that was slow-burning and relatively low-drama but not boring. And I wanted to see if I could sustain the tension and intimacy that makes their relationship so interesting to write, without resorting to my usual go-tos of smut (at least not immediately!) and angst.

11: What do you like best about this fic?

I’m happy with the atmosphere it conveys - sometimes moody, mostly serene. I worked really hard on that aspect and I feel like it maybe, kind of, sort of paid off!

12: What do you like least about this fic?

I wish it was wittier, more humorous in some places - I feel like it would add a sense of balance. That’s my biggest failing as a writer, I think; I really have no clue how to do comedy. I am not funny in the slightest.

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

I had just seen Call Me By Your Name when I started writing it, so a lot of the soundtrack for that. Mystery of Love in particular. Also a lot of Rhye.

14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

Learn? No, I don’t think so. Just trying to put more of my OTP out in the world in hopes of inspiring more of it!

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

So much. Like I’ve noted above, this is the longest thing I’ve written in a long time and honestly I’m kind of amazed I’ve been able to stay motivated! Writing something longer requires, obviously, patience - you can’t just fire all your guns at once, you think of things you want to write RIGHT AWAY but then have to save them for later, you have to actually, ugh, have a structure………….this is all patently clear to a competent writer, but these are things I was pretty sure I’d forgotten how to do, so it’s been nice stretching myself this way.

Thank you for the ask, @coppercrane2 - this was so fun!

[lelitachay]

Frozen fanfiction: Søsken

Summary: Even though Anna loved her sister-in-law, she couldn’t help but notice there was something peculiar about Elsa. Everything starts to make sense after an accident and a forced family reunion.

Modern AU. Kristanna - Frohana - Kristoff & Elsa BrOTP.

Chapters 1 to 10 - Here  

Chapter 11 - Repercussions    

Chapter 12 - Time apart

Chapter 13 - Guilt

Chapter 14 - The way I see it

Chapter 15 - Reconnecting

Chapter 16 - Finding home

-

What the future holds

Kristoff watched Elsa leave the cottage, and for a moment thought about following his sister. He had travelled all the way to the North mountain to make sure she was okay, only to find out she had tricked him. However, he knew there wasn't much to explain about her decision. It was obvious Elsa would want for them to fix things as soon as possible. After all, Elsa was now, more than ever, part of Anna's life too.

"I didn't know you were coming," said Anna calling Kristoff's attention. She needed him to know she hadn't taken part in Elsa's plan. She wanted things to go back to the way they were, not make matters worse.

"Don't worry," he said reassuringly. "This is the kind of thing Elsa does."

"She's done this before?"

"Not like this, exactly." He entered the kitchen and sat down in the chair in front of Anna. "But she had tricked my parents to think one of them was doing nice things for the other a few times."

"Really? I never thought of her as a trickster." She came to the realisation there was still a lot she didn't know about Elsa. And the idea was both exciting and disappointing. She still had a lot to learn about her new-found sister.

"Elsa can deceive people easily. She's a stinker." A stinker who will hear me out this time. He made the mental note to talk to Elsa later that day. Nonetheless, giving Elsa a piece of his mind could wait. For the time being, he had to be thankful she had given him the perfect opportunity to apologise to Anna. He knew it was best if he took the chance and finally talked with her about their argument. "Anna, since Elsa did this-"

"We don't need to talk about anything if you don't want to, Kristoff." She desperately wanted to be on good terms with him again, but she had promised to give him time.

"We do need to talk," he said looking at her straight in the eye. "I was an idiot and I want to apologise for it." He extended his arm over the table to hold her hand in his. "I shouldn't have asked you to leave."

She caressed his knuckles with her thumb. How she had missed him. She raised her eyes from their hands and locked eyes with him. "You were hurting. I understand."

"Thank you, Anna. All I want is for us to go back to the way we were before, and to finally talk things through."

"I want that too. And, if you are willing, I think it's time we come to an agreement about this." She gestured to everything around them with her free hand. It felt wrong to mention Elsa's name, as if her life was theirs to discuss. But sadly, the way things had turned forced them to come to some consensus regarding their sister.

To Anna's relief, Kristoff nodded in understanding. She looked down, wondering if it was a good time to ask Kristoff what had been in her mind for the past weeks. "Tell me, Kristoff. Are you willing to accept Elsa is - in some strange way - part of my family too?" She felt his grip tightened on her hand, and she knew she needed to clarify what she meant before he misinterpreted her words. "Elsa's your family. She'll always be. I just want to know you'll be okay if I ever try to persuade Elsa to give my parents a chance."

"Anna…"

"I need to know you won't get mad at me if I do, Kristoff." She sounded more demanding than she intended, but she felt it was important to make things clear from the start.

"You know I don't feel comfortable with that idea."

"I won't force Elsa to do anything she doesn't want to do, you know that."

"I know that. It's just… I still don't trust your parents, Anna," he confessed. There was no point in having that conversation if he wasn't honest with her.

Anna's face fell; but soon tried to stay positive. After all, she had promised herself to be as understanding with Kristoff as possible. "Even though I would love for you to try and give them a chance. All I need to know is if you trust me."

"You know I do. I love you and I trust you."

"Then, can you promise me you'll trust me with this too?" She held his hand in both of hers. She wasn't sure she was going to be able to forgive Kristoff if he didn't accept her as part of Elsa's life too. "Please, I need you to see things from my point of view too."

"You have my word I won't get mad," he said after an uncomfortable silence. "I know I've been really selfish about this situation, and I want to change that. Just, please, tell me what you are about to do beforehand. Sometimes I need time to process things."

"I will," said Anna with a smile. "No more life-changing decision on the spot. That's my promise."

"Can you really promise that?" laughed Kristoff, trying to lift the mood.

Anna couldn't help but laughed too. "I'm not sure, but I'll try."

He pulled her hand towards him, and kissed her knuckles. "I've missed you."

She blushed at the gesture. It wasn't every day that Kristoff displayed his love in such tender way. "I've missed you too. I've felt kind of lonely without you."

"How are things with your family?"

The smile that had been plastered in her face disappeared; her worry about her parents returning. "I know you don't feel much sympathy for my parents right now, but they are a living mess. It's so strange to see my mother so… miserable."

"I'm sorry," It was hard for him to imagine Idunn like that. The woman had always been optimistic and energetic like Anna. He felt a pang of guilt for leaving Anna on her own those few weeks. "I wish I could have found the guts to reach you sooner."

Anna saw the guilt written on his face and soon tried to erase it. It was not Kristoff's fault her parents had taken terrible decisions when they were young, after all. "Technically speaking, you didn't find the guts on your own," she teased.

He opened his eyes in surprise at that. Leave it to Anna to find a way to make fun of him in any situation. "Fair enough," he said, accepting the responsibility. "I wish my older sister would have forced me to do the right thing sooner. Is that better?"

"Perfect!"

The way Anna laughed at him warmed Kristoff's heart. It was so nice to see her smile again. He stood up and walked behind her, giving her hug and resting his head on top of hers.

Anna hugged his arms, enjoying the back hug he initiated. "To think we were arguing about the best way to help Elsa, and at the end of the day she's the one looking after us."

"She's our older sister, isn't she?"

Anna tilted her head trying to lock eyes with her boyfriend, amazed by the fact she had called Elsa their older sister.

Before she could ask if he really meant what he had said, kristoff continued, "that reminds me. You haven't told Elsa what our fight was about, have you?"

"No. I didn't really mention our fight until she did yesterday."

"That's better. Let's keep this between us, shall we? Elsa may-"

"Feel guilty?" she interrupted. "I thought about that too. Don't worry. It'll be our secret."

"Thank you," he said, tightening his hug before letting her go and sitting by her side. "So, what are you doing here? Have you been visiting Elsa all this time?"

"It's the second time I visit, actually." Anna arranged her things as she spoke. They weren't going to continue with their lesson now that Kristoff was there. "We had a heart-to-heart last week. And then we agreed on continuing with her studies. She told me she was having a hard time studying on her own."

"You are extraordinary, did you know that?"

"You don't need to exaggerate. I've already forgiven you," she said with a smirk.

"I'm serious. You've been really sweet and understanding with her. You've changed her life for the better…" Not missing the opportunity, he leaned in closer and kissed her. "And mine too of course," he said in between kisses.

Anna got lost in the moment and responded to Kristoff's affection. She was surprised how much she had missed those moments with him, where they could enjoy the each other's company and forget there was a world out there. But a sudden realisation stopped Anna in her tracks. "Wait. Wait," she said pushing Kristoff away. There was in fact a world out there, and Elsa was waiting outside for them to solve their problems.

"What? What's wrong?"

"Shouldn't we tell Elsa everything's okay now? She must be freezing out there!" She stood up and rushed to the front door.

"It's Elsa. She can't freeze," yelled Kristoff from the kitchen, not believing she had stopped the most amazing kiss they had shared in over two weeks.

"You know what I mean," came Anna's reply from outside the cottage. "She isn't here."

Kristoff joined Anna in the front steps were she was standing, and looked around wondering where Elsa really was. It wasn't usual for her to disappear like that, especially with a broken leg. "Her motor sledge isn't here either. I left it there earlier today."

"Should we look for her?"

Kristoff thought about their options, and without the snowmobile there was no point in going out to look for Elsa. She knew the mountain better than they did after all. "I'm sure she'll be back in a few minutes. She knows better than to go too far on her own with her leg like that."

Anna looked around one more time and since she saw no traces of Elsa. She leaned closer to kristoff and asked, "So… What do you wanna do?"

Kristoff chuckled and then smirked. "I think I've got an idea."

-

In the Bjorgmans' house, Kai was waiting for Agdar and Idunn to feel better before explaining his reasons for sharing Elsa's past with them. Beside the fact they were her biological family. Now that he knew they hadn't left Elsa behind for the wrong reasons and he was certain that they were the missing link between Elsa and Weselton. He wanted them to know they could help Elsa find justice after everything that had happened.

"How is it possible we never heard about this?" asked Idunn after she was able to regain some composure. "It was only ten years ago; I would remember reading something like this in the newspaper." The truth was crushing her heart, but she needed to know as much as possible. She couldn't keep living in denial, thinking Elsa had a decent childhood.

"As I said, the authorities kept things covered." Kai was thankful she was the one asking for more details. "Romsdal police department couldn't accept something like that had taken place in their jurisdiction. They did everything in their power to minimise the impact it was going to have in the public eye."

"For example, Elsa's existence was not revealed at all when they told the news what had happened in that clinic," cut in Gerda.

"By adopting Elsa and giving her our name, we indirectly made things easier for them. She was no longer a NN with no place in the world."

"Our own fear of something happening to Elsa stopped us from going against their wishes too," Gerda confessed. She wasn't proud she had been part of their web of lies, but her desire to protect Elsa had always been stronger. "That's why we were extra careful not to share her past with anyone. Elsa has tried her best to keep her powers hidden too, in fear people will try to hurt her o cast her aside if she shows what she can do."

Agdar believed he had seen a great deal of terrible things in his life, so the idea of powerful people disregarding the existence of a young girl didn't surprise him in the least. But it certainly made his blood boil nonetheless. "What about the scarce group of people you mentioned?" he asked, hoping someone out there still cared for her wellbeing. "Are they still in touch with you?"

"Some of them are. My superiors and some doctors ask about Elsa from time to time. But most of them stopped caring after Weselton was convicted." Kai took a deep tired breathe. "Once Elsa was no longer a threat to the public image of Romsdal, they all forgot she even existed. No one cared enough to fight and find justice. Only Gerda and I kept looking for a way to link Weselton to Elsa. Until one day the prosecutor discouraged us from trying to find justice on our own."

"Why?"

"Weselton's trial was over. He was convicted. Opening a new case was going to draw too much attention on Elsa. And she wasn't ready to talk. We couldn't force her to share her past and reveal her powers to the public."

"Not to mention it was the word of a girl - who didn't exist in the records," reminded Gerda. "Against Weselton, his colleagues, and Romsdal's desire to keep things undercover."

"I can't believe this." The broken voice of Idunn cut in.

"That is why, I needed you to hear Elsa's story," said Kai. He ignored the warning look his wife sent his way and explained. "I'm not only sharing this information with you because you're Elsa's biological parents. I'm doing it because I believe you can help Elsa find closure to her troubled past. Together, we can help her find justice."

"How can we help with something like that?" The idea made Agdar feel less hopeless in his role on Elsa's life, and he was willing to do anything necessary to amend his mistakes.

"By what you told me, you were tricked by Weselton when you were young. You are the link that was missing ten years ago. You are the living proof Elsa existed before us."

Agdar and Idunn nodded but stayed quiet.

"You can explain where Elsa comes from and how she ended up under Weselton's care. He betrayed your trust. We could put all the attention on what Weselton did to you, and how he kept Elsa away from her birth parents." Kai's excitement was evident. He had finally found a way to help his daughter and not force her to be on the spotlight.

"I am against this idea." The serious voice of Gerda interrupted, shattering Kai's daydream into pieces. "Elsa's been trying hard to let go of her past. Bringing this to light may have a negative impact in her life, Kai."

"I understand your concern, Gerda. But it may be cathartic for her to finally open up."

"Dear, think about it." Her voice was harsh. "Think how hard it is for her to talk to us about it. Do you really think she would be able to face a jury and talk about her past? She hasn't even been able to face them." Her hand pointing to were Idunn and Agdar were sitting. "She's in complete denial right now, and yet you expect her to be okay with this?"

"What's the point of dedicating my life to protect people when I can't help the people I love the most?" came Kai's retort.

"That's what you don't want to see. You've been helping her since day one. We've been helping her all this time. Please," She put her hand over his arm to make sure he listened. "Don't mess things up. She's very fragile."

The deafening silence in the room proved a point in Gerda's opinion. Everyone was afraid of doing something that could cause more harm than good to Elsa.

Clearing her throat, trying to call the older couple's attention, Idunn dared ask, "Excuse me, what do you mean Elsa's in denial?"

"She had a hard time after she found out the truth about you. But all of a sudden her attitude changed." Gerda had tried to keep a close eye on Elsa, and the way she had been acting didn't eased Gerda's worries, on the contrary. "The fact her cast was removed surely helped her feel better; but still, it was too sudden to be considered normal. I'm afraid she may be concealing the way she feels."

The idea Elsa was silently struggling to overcome her sadness, or simply fooling herself, didn't set well with anyone in the room.

-

Elsa was about to open the door to her cottage when she remembered she had practically escaped her house earlier that day. And something told her she wasn't going to get off easily this time. Kristoff was probably waiting for her to return already, and she wished she could avoid the conversation to come.

Thinking it was best to let her guest know, she stopped in her tracks and turned around to face Marshmallow. In a low tone of voice, she explained to him what had happened earlier that day, as she begged for him not to take it personal if her brother wasn't in the best mood. Marshall and Kristoff already knew each other but they weren't friends exactly. They'd had some disputes in the past. She wasn't sure what their arguments had been about, but Kristoff had assured her they were in the past. Still, she felt it was necessary to explain the situation and avoid any kind of confusion.

"So… you invited me over so I could be your bodyguard?" said Marshall jokingly once Elsa finished her explanation. The idea of Elsa hiding behind his back, just to avoid her brother, was quite amusing if he had to be honest.

"What? No. I- It's not that. I wanted to-" She couldn't get the words out and explain she actually wanted him to spend time with them.

Seeing Elsa struggle with her words made him chuckle. "I'm joking, Elsa."

She relaxed when she realised he was only messing with her, and laughed too. But she couldn't stop her hands from shaking. Showing how nervous she was truly feeling. She turned around to hide her nervousness from Marshall and enter her house, when the door opened, revealing a very serious Kristoff.

He stood in the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest, looking at Elsa with an expression that clearly indicated he had been waiting for her to show up and explain herself.

For a moment Elsa feared her plan had backfired and she had made things worse for the couple. But to her relief, Anna appeared behind him, with a smile on her face; making Elsa breath out in relief.

"Elsa, there you are!" said Anna with a smile. She was wearing one of her aprons as she mixed something in a bowl. "Oh! Hello, Marshall." The huge man was still a little intimidating, but she was glad to see him again. Part of her was dying to learn more about him.

"Where were you?" asked Kristoff, not paying attention to Marshall nor his girlfriend. Earlier in the afternoon he hadn't thought too much about Elsa disappearing with her motor sledge, but after three hours he began to worry. He didn't care too much about the way she had deceived him earlier, he now cared about the fact she had gone out on her own, with a broken leg and a snowstorm on the horizon.

"I- I was… What?" She was definitely not expecting that question.

"Where were you? You disappeared for three hours and didn't return when it began to snow."

"It's my fault she went missing." Marshall didn't waste time to explain. He wasn't sure if Kristoff's annoyance had something to do with how long Elsa had been missing, or the fact she had lied to him; but he felt it was best to take the blame. After all, he had asked Elsa to take him home when the snowfall began.

"You don't need to cover her arse, Marshall," said Kristoff addressing the man for the first time since he opened the door. He knew the mountaineer had a soft spot for his sister, and he was probably just trying to help her out.

She was still stunned by her brother's overprotection, not understanding what the big deal was. "I was enjoying some time on my own in the mountain, like I used to do. What's the matter?"

"You left almost four hours ago. I thought something had happened to you."

"I thought you guys needed some time to talk." She had gone away only to make sure they could be talk in private. She didn't see anything wrong with that.

"Almost four hours, Elsa." Probably he was exaggerating, but it was true he had been worried for her.

"Kristoff, I'm not a child. I can take care of myself," she laughed. "Besides, Marshmallow was with me the whole time." She rested her hand over his crossed arms and begged, "can we please don't argue about this?"

He looked at her for a few seconds before accepting her request. "Okay, fine." He didn't give Elsa enough time to smile before he said, "let's argue about the fact that you lied to me last night, instead."

Sighing in defeat she asked, "you won't let this go, will you?"

He smirked, knowing he had won the battle. "Of course not. Marshall, do you mind waiting for my sister inside?"

Marshall, who was still standing behind Elsa, looked at the siblings and then at the girl standing behind Kristoff. He knew he had met her a few days before, but he wasn't sure she was going to be comfortable around him. "Umm… I- If you guys really need to talk I could go-"

"You don't need to go," Kristoff reassured him. "I just need a few minutes to talk to Elsa. We'll be right back." And with that, Kristoff put his hand on Elsa's back pushing her aside and he moved from the doorway.

Marshall looked at Elsa before moving, and only entered the house once Elsa showed him it was okay with a nod of her head. Once he was inside the house, he heard Elsa say, "I should have invited you as my bodyguard." He laughed but the door closed before he had the chance to answer.

He stood in the middle of Elsa's living room feeling uncomfortable. He had accepted her invitation because he wanted to spend more time with her and her family, but now that he found himself inside her cottage, he didn't really know if it had been a good idea.

Anna, noticing his discomfort, soon tried to help him relax. "Don't mind them. They'll bicker with each other for a little while. Do you want to join me in the kitchen? I'm making dinner."

"Uh, sure."

At first, Anna was glad he had accepted her invitation; but after a few minutes, the silence began to make her feel uncomfortable too. So, she thought it was best to just talk. Maybe she could help the mountaineer loosen up if she did. "Tell you a secret? Kristoff's just messing up with her. I mean he was worried. That much is true. We both were. We thought she was going to return in a few minutes but then she didn't. So, yeah. But he's not really mad at her." Anna sighed, leave it to her to say nothing or blurt out everything in one go. But to her relief, she saw Marshall smile when she turned to see his reaction. "He really cares about his sister."

"I can see that," answered Marshall, feeling somewhat relieved she had started conversation.

"So… how long have you been living in the mountain?" Anna was more interested in finding out more about his relationship with Elsa, but she knew it was impossible to ask something like that before knowing more about the man.

"My whole life."

"Really?" She understood Elsa's motivation to live in the mountain, but she couldn't really see the appeal in living your whole life in a place like that. "Isn't it lonely?"

"Not really. I'd say it's peaceful."

Anna was used to be the one to keep conversation going, but Marshall's short answers weren't helping her at all. She couldn't believe there was someone quieter than Elsa out there. "Elsa mentioned you were taking her clients. Where do you work?" She tried once again.

"The Vandreren resort," he said, clearly more interested in that question. "I'm mainly a ski instructor but I help around the place with whatever they need."

"Oh, like a multitask-" Anna began to say but she was interrupted by the front door closing.

"I don't care. You can't go out like that on your own." Kristoff was getting tired of Elsa's excuses. He needed her to understand it was dangerous for her to wander the mountain in her condition.

"Everything okay?" asked Anna when Elsa entered the kitchen, followed by Kristoff.

"Yes," they both answered, not wanting to worry Anna. They had already talked and discussed the way Elsa had tricked the couple, and things were perfectly okay between them. However, Kristoff still insisted Elsa had behaved irresponsibly that afternoon, which was the reason they were now arguing.

"Kristoff, cut it out," said Elsa exasperated as she sat down next to Marshall. "I talked with a physical therapist. He said it was okay if I moved my leg more."

It was true Elsa had gone to see a therapist the week following her cast removal, and she had arranged several appointments for the following months with the doctor. He had explained the steps she had to follow to have a successful recovery, as well as the exercises that were going to help her regain her strength. He had even offered an estimated date for her to start training once again, which was more than she had been expecting. Even if the date was still far away in the future.

"Move it more," Kristoff emphasised. "Not walking in the snow. There's a difference."

Surprising everyone in the room, Marshall interrupted the siblings, "I agree with your brother."

"What?"

"You shouldn't be walking. Your leg is still healing," he said matter-of-factly. "Didn't I tell you the same earlier today?"

Thinking about the way he had picked her up without warning near the cliff made Elsa blush and stopped her from saying anything in return.

Elsa's flushed cheeks didn't go unnoticed by Anna, who had become more interested in the argument once Marshall became part of it.

"See," said Kristoff, oblivious of Elsa's embarrassment. "He agrees with me."

Her brother's words helped her come back to her senses and Elsa continued, "Marshmallow doesn't count. He's overprotective, like you are."

"Well, that may be true," agreed the mountaineer. "But I'm also a paramedic."

"Wait, really?" said Anna, surprised. And by the way Elsa's and Kristoff's eyes opened, she noticed she was not the only one.

"Yes. I just never practiced."

"How come you never mentioned it before?" asked Elsa.

He shrugged, not sure of the answer himself. He'd had no reason not to share that part of his life with Elsa. "People always feel entitled to tell me what I should or shouldn't be doing with my life when I tell them I'm not working as a paramedic."

"I'm not one to tell people what to do with their life," she clarified, in case he thought he couldn't trust her.

"I know you are not, don't worry." He smiled and tried to explain himself better. "I guess I'm not used to talk about it." He hadn't deliberately kept that information from Elsa or Kristoff after all.

"So… you agree with me, right?" asked Kristoff going back to their discussion. "Elsa shouldn't be walking around."

Marshall nodded in agreement. "I'm sure you were told you're only allowed to partial weight-bearing. Am I correct?"

Elsa took some time to remember her appointment with the therapist. She had been so focused on keeping her emotions in check, she hadn't retained every word, but she guessed he had mentioned those words at some point. "The doctor did mention something like that... I don't really know what they mean."

The way Marshall raised his eyebrow made Elsa feel ashamed of herself. She had told Marshall she hadn't gone to school when she was younger, but she was certain he didn't expect her to be so ignorant she still struggled with words at times.

"Well, he should have explained what he meant. It's normal for people not to know about this." he said noticing Elsa's crestfallen expression.

He then proceeded to explain in detail what weight-bearing was. Giving Elsa clear examples of the things she could or couldn't do, depending on the stage of recovery.

"In short," he said as finished his explanation. "You can stand on both your legs, but you shouldn't be walking. That's why I agree with your brother."

"Thank you," said Kristoff who had found the explanation useful himself. "So, Elsa, respect Marshall's advice and don't make me drag you back to Trollheim to look after you."

"I understand now. You don't need to drag me anywhere."

"Can I trust you'll keep an eye on her, Marsh?"

"Sure, I'll keep an eye on her."

Anna beamed at the tender smile on Marshall's face. And she hoped Elsa noticed the way he was looking at her right at that moment. Her thoughts were interrupted, however, by Elsa who soon complained about Marshall becoming her babysitter.

Anna wasted no time to announce dinner was ready and for everyone to take a seat, before another argument began.

Soon everyone was seated and enjoying the meal she had prepared, and Anna couldn't be happier to see Elsa's cottage so lively after everything that had happened.

-

Both sets of parents continued talking well into the evening that day. After Kai's explanation about his desire to help Elsa find justice, Agdar found himself being more comfortable talking with the older man. He felt included in a future plan that could, in the long run, help him and his wife give something in return to their long-lost daughter.

"Where's Weselton now?" asked Agdar, as he left the paperwork Kai was showing him on the coffee table. It detailed the most important information about Weselton's trial, together with some evidence that they could still use if they carried on with the idea of starting legal proceedings against Weselton.

"In jail. He lost this trial nine years ago, and he was sentenced to fifteen years in prison."

"Only fifteen years for experimenting and gambling with people's lives?" He knew the judicial system a joke at times, but he still couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"The defence was quite convincing putting the blame on Weselton's acquaintances."

Agdar shook his head in complete disbelief.

"That's why I'm so desperate to open a new case against this man, Agdar. In six years, or less, he'll be walking freely doing who knows what, while Elsa will still be fighting her demons. That's not fair."

"No, it isn't. It isn't fair at all," he agreed. There was nothing he wanted more than make sure Weselton rotted in prison.

Idunn watched from the Kitchen table how their husbands talked and discussed Kai's idea. She wasn't sure she wanted to participate in something like that, at least not without Elsa consent.

Gerda entered the room with a box full of photo albums, and sat down next to her. She paid a quick look to the men in the living room and began taking the albums from the box. "Sometimes I wish he could leave his ideas inside his head," she said with a tired sigh, as she placed a hardback album in front of Idunn.

The younger woman put a hand over her mouth and stifled a giggle. "They talking to each other won't hurt, I guess. Let them discuss the possibilities of what Kai was proposing. At least it'll help Agdar focus on something else besides the fact that we ruined our daughter's life." She shook her head, trying to get rid of the pain she felt. She picked the album not sure if she was allowed to open it. "Is this...?"

"Yes, that's the one. Every important event of my children's lives is in there."

After the main topic had been tackled, and their husbands had decided to continue discussing the possibility of a legal proceeding, Idunn had found the courage to ask Gerda to see some photos of Elsa. Part of her was still scared Gerda would deny that part of her daughter's life to her. She personally didn't feel she deserved to rummage in the Bjorgmans' family photos, but she was surprised to see Gerda agree to the petition. Eager to show the good side of Elsa's life to her.

There were more pictures than Idunn had originally imagined. It was obvious for the number of photos that Gerda adored her children. There were pictures of almost every important event in Kristoff's and Elsa's lives since they had entered the Bjorgmans' home.

Each photograph filled Idunn's helped Idunn not feel so miserable. She was seeing, after all, the last ten years of the daughter she thought she'd never see again. However, she couldn't stop the pain that came with the realisation Elsa hadn't had a normal life even under Gerda's care.

There weren't any pictures of her going to high school like there were of Kristoff. It was quite obvious she didn't have any other friends beside her brother. And the most important events, aside from birthdays, were from Kristoff's life alone.

"And I think these are the last few pictures of her." Gerda picked a few photos from the box, which hadn't been put inside the album.

In the first two photos, the whole family was gathered inside a wooden cabin, while the last one, showed a happy Elsa covered in snow, wearing her ski gear. She was clearly laughing at something outside the photographic frame, unaware someone was taking a picture of her. Her smile was the biggest Idunn had seen, making her eyes brim with tears of joy at how beautiful Elsa looked in that photo.

"You can keep that photo if you want." Gerda's offer interrupted her thoughts.

"Oh, no." She quickly dried one or two tears that had escaped. "It's yours. I shouldn't accept it."

"It's a recent photo. I've got the negative. Please, keep it."

"Thank you." She looked at the photo once again. Trying to imagine what was going on around her to make her laugh like that. "She looks so happy…"

"She loves the mountain. The older she gets, the harder it's to get her to leave that place."

"Any particular reason?" She knew Elsa was not like other young woman, but Idunn still found strange the fact she'd rather be alone in the middle of nowhere than with the family she clearly loved.

"She says it's the only place she can be completely free. She doesn't talk about her past. But I'm sure those years hidden inside a clinic really affected her."

Both women stayed in silence for some time. Idunn blaming herself once again for her decisions. "We loved her so much. Truly." It didn't matter how many times she said it, she always felt as if Gerda didn't trust her word. And so she insisted. "Agdar and I were afraid the life we were going to offer her was not going to be enough. And at the end, look what we did. How could we've been so stupid to trust Weselton?"

"You said you were sick at the time, didn't you?"

"Yes. Quite sick, actually. I don't think Elsa would have survived if not for Weselton."

"Did he treat you before you gave birth to her?"

"Yes. I visited his clinic several times. And I spent a couple of weeks there before I gave birth as well." Narrowing her eyes and shaking her head with disgust she confessed, "I thought he was our hero at the time. To think all he was doing was taking advantage of our deplorable situation."

Gerda frowned; her mind lost in the words that the doctors at the hospital had uttered a long time before. "The doctor's intuition had been correct then. Elsa's powers are nothing but the result of illegal experimentation."

"To be honest, I'd very much prefer the fairytale story. I'd rather believe in magic than face this new knowledge." Idunn hid her hands under the table and clenched her fists, not wishing to show Gerda how nervous she was. Bracing herself for what was to come, she asked, "has Elsa ever mentioned the things he did to her?"

"Not explicitly, no. Of course, we know some things, but she never came clean about the whole story." She turned the pages of the album and looked at a photo of her children. A sad smile plastered on her face. "I'm sure Kristoff knows a bit more, but he respects Elsa too much to share anything."

Idunn was about to ask another question when she noticed Gerda tearing up. She couldn't help but feel awful for forcing the Bjorgmans to share so much about their family in such a short time.

"I'm sorry," apologised Gerda, trying in vain to blink her tears away. "It's just, I worry for her. She tries so hard to pretend it didn't happen. But that mustn't be healthy and I don't know what to do."

Idunn held her hand and tried to offer some comfort. "I'm sure you've been doing everything in your power, Gerda." I now understand why Kristoff and you tried to keep us away from her. Showing up the way we did probably made everything worse. For Elsa and your family."

"I'm going to be honest with you, Idunn. The truth is I was being selfish," Gerda dared confess. "Elsa is such a good girl; she's got such a big heart that I know she'll give you a chance sooner than later. By keeping you away I was trying to delay that moment."

Idunn tightened her hold on the old woman's hand and smiled to her reassuringly. "Agdar and I would never try to take Elsa away from you. You'll always be her mother. I'm aware I gave up that right years ago."

"I know and I'm sorry. It's just- I can't picture my life without them."

Idunn stayed quiet after that, giving Gerda enough time to feel better.

The nervousness and anxiety Idunn had felt the whole day were slowly disappearing. And even if the things she had found out about her daughter had broken her heart in half, she allowed herself to believe they were a necessary step in her journey to earn Elsa's trust once again.

She couldn't be thankful enough for Kai and Gerda's trust now. Their good disposition becoming a silver lining in her and Agdar's life. She promised herself at that moment she was going to do everything she could to help the Bjorgmans, and earn the right to hold her daughter in her arms again.

-

Thanks again for all the reviews and likes. I hope you guys are enjoying the story and staying inside your houses in this difficult time. I hope a new chapter can help during this quarantine.

Wish you the best!

Tagging: @swimmingnewsie @melody-fox, @kristoffxannafanatic, @kristannafictionals, @neptrabbit, @skneez, @ellacarter13, @wondering-in-life, @who-i-am-8, @fanfictionrecommendations-com, @815-allisnotlost, @khartx, @joannevixxon, @betweenthedreams, @lilrann, @burbobah, @rileysfs, @zutonium, @earlvessalius, @blood-jewel, @disneydreamer8901, @the-sky-is-awake, @disneyfan103, @the-magic-one-is-you, @anamaria8garcia, @welovefrozenfanfiction, @bigfrozenfan-archive, @bigfrozenfan, @frozen-snips  @deisymendoza  @zackhaikal123 @cornstarch @roostercrowedatmidnight @wandering-bard-from-the-id, @showurselfelsa @fuzzyelsalikeiduna @when-dawn-arrives​ @drafteedragon​ @snowycrocus​ @tare8chan​ @localarendellian​ @wabitham​ @roostercrowedatmidnight​ @aries1708 @tare8chan, @just-your-local-history-nerd, @dontrunintofirexoxo @daphmckinnon @poketin @bruni-is-love @luna-and-mars

I hope the tags work this time! Thanks all of you for your support and lovely messages.

[varricmancer]

Intertwined | 3

*** Cross-posted on AO3 ***

Pairing: Farkas x F!OC

Summary: A child of Mara was a soul blessed and bound to it’s mate for all eternity. Elizabeth Williams is summoned to Mara as a lost soul, only she’s from modern America and her mate is somewhere in the wilds of Skyrim.

A/N: This is super short, I know, but I wanted to put out something for you guys. Things have been hectic in my life and I've been working 13+ hours six days a week for a while now so I'm pretty much in a constant state of exhaustion. I hope you're all staying healthy and safe. I'll try to have the next part out very soon!P.S. I know that in ESO they've said 'Hell' quite often, but that's always bothered me. Why would they call it hell? That is a Christian-based earth word, or whatever, and it just seemed strange to include it. So I'm fighting against the ESO writers lmao.

***

“Ralof, I think your friend here is finally awake!”

Elizabeth groaned as she came to and registered that she hurt everywhere. The worst of the pain seemed to be on her leg since she’d flexed it a little to try to move and the pain was sharp and agonizing.

“Easy there,” a woman’s voice eased her to awareness as she opened her eyes, meeting the blue ones of a blonde Nord woman leaning over her.

“Please don’t be frightened. My brother Ralof and your elf companion brought you here after you were attacked by the dragon. You’ll heal, but your leg suffered a little in the fall and your skin was badly burned. You will be well enough to walk in a couple of days, and then I suggest heading to a shrine to see if it will help.”

Elizabeth grimaced as she tried to respond and found her throat dry and sore.

“Ah, you must be thirsty. You’ve been asleep for almost two days.”

She accepted a wooden cup of water and tried to drink as gracefully as she could, despite her shaking hands and parched throat. When she finally had her fill, she handed the cup back to the woman sitting on the edge of the wooden bed.

Looking around, she tried to take stock of her situation. She was laid up in a rustic wooden bed, covered in what looked like a bunch of animal skins. The house was very warm and just as rustic as the bed - all wood and furs, with a huge fireplace taking up most of the space. It looked pretty much how she’d always imagined a witch's cottage would be like, with all the herbs and flowers hanging from the ceiling and potions lining the shelves.

She peeked at the woman in the bed with her, trying to get a good look without seeming rude. She was pretty enough, although years of living in the probably unforgiving northern climate had definitely left its mark, as well as a few scars that were probably smallpox if this place was indeed real. She imagined this must be Gerdur, meaning the dark elf had chosen to follow Ralof home to Riverwood.

The front door of the cabin opens and dirty Kurt - or Ralof, rather - stomps inside, smiling generously at her as he nears the bed and looks her over.

“Awake at last? You had us all worried for a moment there, girl. I’ve sent my nephew Frodnar to get Sundrose. He’s been helping the merchants with a task. He’ll be here soon.”

As though speaking his name had summoned him, Sundrose slammed the cabin door open and jogged to the bedside, seemingly unaware of the fact that he totally elbowed Ralof and Gerdur out of the way. He was panting as though he’d run the entire way and scanning her face frantically.

“Are you alright? Aware? How many fingers am I holding up?”

Elizabeth snorts at the Dark Elf. “None.”

He looks down at his hands as if he were amazed that they were still against his sides.

“Ah,” he cleared his throat. “Apologies. We weren’t sure you were going to make it for a moment. It’s been some time since anyone had experience with dragon wounds.”

“I’m a bit sore and my leg is throbbing like hell, but I think I’ll be okay.”

He looked momentarily confused, as though he was trying to figure out her meaning before he finally shrugged and sighed.

“That’s good. Very good. I’ve finished some tasks around here and made enough coin to get us to Whiterun as soon as you think you are able to travel. It’s not that far - perhaps three days if we make good time? Gerdur’s husband Hod has very kindly offered to drive us up there in his wagon to make it easier on your injuries.”

“Us? You’re taking me with you?” Honestly, she hadn’t really let herself think too much in-depth about where the hell she actually was, but her first instinct had told her the elf would simply leave her here to be Ralof’s problem and run off to be the Dragonborn.

“Well, yes. I...erm...could we perhaps be in private for a moment? I promise your belongings are safe, I merely wish to speak with my friend if I could?”

Gerdur glances between the two of them and waits for Elizabeth’s nod of affirmation before herding her brother towards the door.

“We’ll be right outside. Holler if you need us,” Gerdur says with a nod, closing the door softly behind her.

Sundrose sighs and settles more comfortably in his chair before turning that intense crimson gaze on her.

“Before we were captured, do you remember where you were?”

Elizabeth chewed her lip as she contemplated how much to tell the man. Would he believe her more about her talk of the future or being in Mara’s garden? Should she play it safe and say she’d just arrived from High Rock?

His full lips turned up on the side, a little dimple showing as he slowly grinned.

“Were you in an ostentatiously decorated garden? Perhaps speaking with a creature claiming to be Mara?”

“Yes!” Elizabeth exclaims, leaning towards him in excitement. “Were you there too? Are you... him ?”

“By ‘Him’ I assume you mean your soulmate?” He asks slowly, shrugging as he turns to stare at the wall in thought. He strokes his shadowed chin, humming.

“I...don’t know, to be quite honest. Not a phrase I like using very often. I was there with you - I remember feeling you, seeing flashes of your face and the face of someone else. I remember thinking that your soul felt...familiar. Which is a very odd thought to have about a soul. I would say yes based on that information alone, but there was another…”

“Another face, you said?”

He nods thoughtfully. “Like yours but different. I don’t know. It was very fogged over like Mara didn’t want me to get a good look. Perhaps a you from another life?” He shrugs. “At the very least, I know that when we were returned to ground that I immediately felt protective of you as soon as I saw you lying there unconscious. Before I could really think too much about it, the Imperials appeared and threw us in the wagon.”

“So all the evidence points to us being something. Maybe soulmates, but also maybe not?” Elizabeth huffs and flaps back against the wall. “This is so confusing. And a lot less romantic than I’d thought it would be to meet the future love of my life.”

He laughs, a low and smooth chuckle that was...elegant? Can laughs be elegant?

“Terribly sorry. At least there’s a chance you won’t have to deal with me then. I’m not a very romantic fellow to begin with, I’m afraid. The dramatics tend to become tedious after the first hundred years or so.”

Elizabeth’s jaw drops. She’d forgotten about the way races aged differently here. “How old are you?”

Sundrose quirks an eyebrow. “Terribly rude to ask that, little one, but I’ll tell you. I’m 214. Fairly young still, among my people. And of course, my soulmate has to be a human that is a veritable infant,” Sundrose drawls, his slight mischievous smirk softening the teasing words.

“Hey, I just turned 30! In human years, I’m ancient!”

“Forgive me, crone,” he mocked, bowing slightly.

Elizabeth snorted, then adjusted her aching leg with a sigh.

“When did you want to leave?”

He shrugged. “Whenever you think you can handle it. We need to warn the Jarl about the dragon, so as soon as can be arranged is preferable. If it’s much longer we’ll have to send someone ahead of us.”

She shook her head and squared her shoulders. “Let's go today.”

“Today?” he asked incredulously, “You just barely have regained consciousness. I hardly think you should be going on a journey at the moment.”

“No,” she shook her head. “The sooner we get there, the better. You need to talk to the Jarl, and I would like to get to a healer or one of those altar things. This hurts like hell.”

“You say that a lot. Hell. What is that?”

“Oh, its...like oblivion, I guess? It’s where bad people go when they die...or something. It’s what a lot of people believe. Never really believed in that stuff myself, but it makes a hell of a curse word,” she grins.

He looks at her thoughtfully for a few moments before he finally asks, “You’re not even from here, are you? Where did she take you from?”

And there’s the magic question.

“Apparently my soul is from here, but it was stolen? I’m still not quite clear on that. I grew up in Arizona, a state in America. On, well, planet Earth. A place that is...way far in the future and, like, on a whole ‘nother...universe? Plane? Realm? I don’t know. Very different from here, I can tell you that much.”

“And she just picked you up and deposited you in a strange land with just the clothes on your back to correct her own mistakes,” he added, his eyes hardening. “I despise the daedra,” he scoffs angrily.

“At least I’m not going into this completely blind, just, ya know, poor and homeless,” she chuckles. “In my world, Skyrim is a...tale? Legend? Not sure how to describe it to you, but I know the basic story of this land and what's to come.”

“Do you?” Sundrose responds, leaning back and looking at her curiously.

“Mhmm. In fact, I know that when you went to help Lucan get his claw back, you came across a wall. A wall that taught you a word in another language that you were somehow able to understand. You also found a tablet with this same language written on it.”

“I haven’t told anyone about that yet. I was going to wait and talk to the court wizard when we got to Whiterun. Your stories told you about me?”

She bit her lip, unsure of how much to divulge. “Yes, a bit. You’re about to save Skyrim, Sundrose.”

He stared at her with growing horror on his handsome face.

“Gods’ grief!”

***

[dailyaudiobible]

02/06/2021 DAB Transcript

Exodus 23:14-25:40, Matthew 24:29-51, Psalms 30:1-12, Proverbs 7:24-27

Today is the 6th day of February welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I'm Brian it is a joy to be here with you today as we approach the end of another one of our weeks together. And when we conclude our reading for today, we will have completed nearly…nearly a full week of the month of February. So, it is exciting to be on this journey and take the next step forward, which will lead us back into the book of Exodus. And if we remember we are at the mountain of God. We are with the children of Israel surrounding Mount Sinai. God is speaking and beginning to lay out some of the principles and rituals and laws that He is integrating as He weaves together the tapestry of the Hebrew people. So, we’re reading from the Voice Translation this week, which is today. Exodus chapter 23 verse 14 to 25 verse 40.

Prayer:

Father we thank You for Your word. We thank You for another week and it. They’re just kind of…well. They’re moving by day by day step-by-step they’re moving by as they should but we’re recognizing that we’re moved into this new year. This is our year to live and You are instructing us. And we thank You for the word over this year, to “Mend”. This is this year of mending. And, so, we hear what was written in the Psalms today, the 30th chapter - “Eternal one, my true God, I cried out to You for help. You mended the shattered pieces of my life.” That is our prayer God. Some of us came into this new year unrecognizable completely shattered into a billion pieces and some of us feel that way right now. But this isn’t a matter of degree. It’s not like we’re trying to measure up to see whose more shattered here. We’re all broken, and we've all got shattered pieces in our lives, we have shattered pieces in our hearts. Life has dealt us some blows. It does this to everyone. And we are instructed to love You with our whole heart, and we confess that there are broken pieces of our hearts. Come as is in the Psalms. We cry out to You for help. You mend the shattered pieces of our lives. So, as we release this week as it becomes a part of our history, we look forward into the future for You to mend the shattered pieces of our lives. Come Holy Spirit we pray in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com that is home base, that is where you find out what's going on around here. And an alternative to that would be the Daily Audio Bible app, which you can also find out what’s going on around here. So, stay…stay connected.

Be aware of the Community section, be aware of the Prayer Wall. Visit the Prayer Wall. Be aware of the resources that are available in the Daily Audio Bible Shop.

And if you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible I…I can't thank you enough. I Can't thank you enough. We wouldn't be here if we were not in this together. I…I say that often say that often because it's the truth. So, thank you for your partnership. There is a link on the homepage. If you're using the app you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner, or the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you've a prayer request or encouragement hit the Hotline button in the app. No matter where you are on this planet hit the Hotline button in the app and you can share from there or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hi this is Renzo from Maryland. I just wanna pray for the girl on the other line. This is February 1st. I just want to pray for the other girl on the other line that said her mom was a drug addict and she was 13 years old. I just want to say that's amazing that you’re on here reading the gospel at 13 years old. Keep keep…doing that. That's amazing. And I just pray for your mom right now. Father God I just thank You for everything that You do for us and I just please pray God that her mom just recovers from this addiction God. I believe You can heal anybody's addiction God. You’ve healed mine. You’ve healed my addiction to porn God, and I thank You that You healed that for me, and I've been clean for almost two years now and I thank You God that You did that. And, so, please just help her to just get closer to You God and just forgive her of what she did. Sometimes it’s so hard for us to forgive and that's how it was for me God. I just thank You for You for everything that You do for us God and we love You in Jesus’ name we pray. Amen. God bless you have a good rest of your day.

Hi this is Tiffany at first time caller from Cleveland OH. I've been listening every day this year and I pray with you daily. I feel so close to the DAB family and I thank you Brian for your love. Today I ask for prayer for my husband Tony and I. February 24th will be seven years since our daughter Janna's death. Our grief is difficult through this month as we remember our girl gone too soon. Grief also affects my ability to focus. Please pray for me to love my husband, to feel, to focus, and to be a good mom to my living children. Thank you in advance.

Good morning Daily Audio Bible this is Emily from Minnesota and actually this is my first year doing DAB. I started January 1st and I found it to be such a blessing. I have been hit with a bit of suffering the past couple of years period. It started with my son who died by suicide his freshman year of College in his dorm. And my family really wants…doesn't want to go to God for this. So, I am just simply embracing Jesus to carry me through. And then also my parents and my two brothers they've all been hit pretty hard. My mom was placed in memory care last year upstate when Covid hit in March and my dad is living independently but is showing strong signs of dementia and isn’t really willing to accept a lot of help. My younger brother lost his wife to cancer November 30th with a young family of four. And I have an older brother who appears to be struggling with addiction and homelessness. I just want to ask you all to lift up my family. I just do the best I can and rely on Jesus to carry me through each day each step. It's rough some days. And I know He has a plan and I know…I know God knows and I would just to ask for your support in my journey. Thank you.

Hey, my supportive DAB family this is Kingdom Seeker Daniel. Family, support is absolutely what I need right now. The short of it is I received a call from my ex-wife which is a miracle all by itself. She was very distraught and informed me that our son Daniel the 2nd, basically snapped and was admitted into a psych ward. And I guess they were trying to prescribe some meds to him, and he refused. But at any rate after several attempts to reach him I finally got a chance to talk with him and he did not sound like my son, did not sound like my son at all and I just need your prayers. I’m believing God to rescue my boy from this place that he's in. And, so, I'm asking if my family would come around Daniel Christopher young the 2nd? My ex-wife also informed me several years later that my…my youngest Hannah was assaulted twice. Why she chose not to tell me until eight years later I don't know but needless to say Hannah is in a bad place as well. My oldest Bianca is confused with her identity sexually. And, so, family will you please pray for my children. Bianca, and Daniel, and Hannah.

[singing starts] Oh, my Savior I am so grateful I'm Yours. Oh, my Savior I am so grateful I'm Yours. With every new sun that rises Your mercy it meets me there. Your faithfulness is unchangeable. You always love me and care. Oh, my Savior I am so grateful I'm Yours. Oh, my savior I am so grateful I'm yours. [singing stops] I lift this offering up to you Jesus and I ask Lord that you would cover the Daily Audio Bible family with your blood, that you would fill them to full and overflowing with your Holy Spirit, that you would protect them, keep them safe, bless them. And father God let us enter deeper into your presence. Great is your faithfulness. We love you so much. In Jesus’ name we ask these things. What a miracle. I love you Treasured Possession.

Well, hello everybody and congratulations you finished your first month listening to the DAB. Job well done. That is awesome. So, welcome all new listeners and of course us long time listeners this is Lori music the transplant from Chicago down to beautiful Hebrew Springs Arkansas. Lord I'm just coming to You and we’re thanking You for the people that do call in and share their stories and prayer requests and many of them just break my heart Father God, but I pray immediately for You all. But I'm calling today to come before the Lord with the unspoken prayer requests, the ones that people are too shy or timid to call in and request. So, Father You know these unspoken prayers Father God. You know our hearts You know our needs You know our wants and our desires Father. So, I'm asking a special blessing on those people that haven't called in yet and that You answer their prayers Father God. And Lord You know I've been out of a job since November, but I know that Your timing is perfect Father. So, every day when I wake up, I will say this is the day that the Lord has made I will rejoice and be glad in it. Oh wow, so, I'm starting my 11th year on DAB and my second year on Chronological. I pray for Brian and Jill and China, give them special blessing father. We love you all. Have a blessed day.

[hallie-fics]

author spotlight - restlessqueenx

“If you get yourself killed doing this,” Harry murmurs, his hand on the back of her neck, his forehead warm where it's leaning against hers, “I will never ever forgive you.”

- Someday I’ll Need Your Spine to Hide Behind @restlessqueenx

it’s not hard to note the fics that define a fandom. this author has written three, three defining stories. the amount of love and respect i have for them is immense, and i was honored to be able to ask and receive answers for these various questions regarding everything from their writing process to favorite hallie headcanon. 

this is only the first in a series of interviews done with hallie authors. if there’s anyone who you’d like to see, please message me and i’ll get that sorted out right away!

the q&a

*quick note, I tend to shorten my titles when talking about them because I always pick such long titles, so I may refer to Someday I’ll Need Your Spine to Hide Behind as “Spine,” It Feels Like Winter Follows You Around as “Winter” and Screaming at the Stars as “Stars”

Favorite of your stories (and why)

I think, at least right now, it has to be Someday I’ll Need Your Spine to Hide Behind, because it’s complete. Also, because Winter (Harry’s POV) wouldn’t exist without it (I had never intended to write it, and it just sort of happened), and Screaming at the Stars is probably more in the vein of what I normally write, but I can’t decide how satisfied I am with it until I wrap it up.

Easiest story to write

Probably Screaming at the Stars because it just sort of showed up as this emotion in my chest and I knew I wanted to put it down on the page. Spine was pretty time consuming because it’s canon divergent and I was constantly having to check scenes to get the dialogue/descriptions right. I wanted to use as much of canon as I could, but that meant that I couldn’t really write it if I wasn’t home with the episodes available. Winter was (is) difficult because of how dark of a headspace I sometimes have to get into with Harry. Stars is overall a much lighter emotional space to access.

Hardest story to write

Spine, just because of how much work it took to weave the canon with the canon divergence and reframe scenes. Winter is easier because (even though it does include some scenes that aren’t in Spine) I have the blueprint of Spine to refer to, and I reuse some sections of it word for word to highlight the difference in POV when it diverges. Winter is definitely emotionally heavier, but it’s less tedious work.

Pre-writing process (if any)

For me, it depends a lot on the fic. With Spine, the very first thing that came to me was “What if I wrote a soulmate AU where the only thing that indicates that is that wherever you fall asleep, you always wake up where your soulmate is?” Then I thought, “Could this be set in the canon universe? How would that potentially just twist around or change what we’ve seen?” And everything spiralled out from there. I didn’t really outline initially, I started writing it, just to see where it was going. Then I ended up having to go through every episode and watch each Harry, Allie, and Hallie scene and write basic outlines of the dialogue and what happened in those scenes so I could start to figure out how to adjust the scenes/story to fit the soulmate AU idea. I’m not very patient about outlines, so I mostly just bullet point brief descriptions of what I need to write and then re-examine the scene as I’m writing. I’ve never written something that relied so heavily on canon before. It’s a lot of work and I’m really impressed by people who do it regularly. So Spine’s pre-writing was basically an idea on a twisted trope (I don’t know if I’m the first person to think of it, but I’ve never read a soulmate au with the basis of Spine before) and then watching/transposing the canon scenes. Winter didn’t really have any since I had Spine as a basis. Stars I started thinking about while taking a shower and I just jumped right into it.

What drew you to Hallie?

I love ships that I see potential for, but aren’t all neatly worked out immediately in canon. And I love ships that I feel the characters have a lot of potential to grow and change as individuals within the relationship. I was a little unsure about Hallie at first as I was watching the show, because it took me a while to work out how I felt about Harry in general, but I just see so much potential for a great story between them. And, to be quite honest, Kathryn and Alex just have loads and loads of on screen chemistry, they just light up with each other in scenes. Sometimes actors just have that with each other and it’s almost hard to look away.

Hopes for season 2

Growth and help for Harry! I’m okay with having to wait for romantic Hallie (presuming we get more seasons) as long as keeping them apart feels organic and true to the story (and not done solely for tension & keeping the audience coming back), but I need to see Harry receive help (I get that he can’t get professional help in these circumstances, but he really needs people who are genuinely looking out for him and trying to help him) and to also grow as a person and make better decisions/amends for some of his actions. I want Harry to have friends/people who actually care about him. While I really love Kelly’s character, and appreciate that she’s tried to keep an eye out for him, I think Harry needs people in his life outside of just an ex (and obviously outside of Campbell) and that’s pretty much all he’s had for a while. Harry’s so isolated in season 1, and I don’t see him being able to develop much (in a positive manner) if he continues to be so isolated in season 2.

Favorite line (or lines) that you’ve written for a hallie fic/ a section that you’re really proud of

From Spine, probably my favorite pieces are-

Allie tells him to leave like it matters, like come morning she won't find herself curled in his bed, close enough to feel his body heat. She tells him to go, because she wants to hate him, thinks she deserves to hate him, but she doesn't. And that's even worse.

And then the end, which I wrote long before I actually got to it. Specifically-

“There's probably a world somewhere,” Harry says, and his voice rumbles through his chest, against her skin, “where we never worked any of this out, and you and I are on opposite sides and always will be.”

“Probably.” It wouldn't be hard, she thinks, to have ended up somewhere else, anywhere else. They fought for this, a small sliver of peace in a fucked up world. It might be all they get.

“I'm glad it's not this one.”

“Me too.” Under her cheek, his heartbeat is steady, in sync with hers.

From Winter my absolute favorite section so far is the flashback to Harry when he’s 13 & deals with his familial relationships. I also am pretty happy with-

Allie is simultaneously fragile and hard as steel, one for a moment, the other the next. Harry doesn't understand it, how she can bear to wear her feelings to blatantly on her face, how she survives without a protective shell to keep her safe. He could never do that. She doesn't burrow down inside herself, she burns. He almost can't even watch it. Harry doesn't know what he is, but he knows Allie is something else entirely.

And-

She lets out a little shaky exhale. “I don't know how to hate you.”

Harry wonders how that can be. It's easy, he wants to say, if she doesn't already, all she needs to do is crack open his ribs, see that dark void yawning underneath, that place he falls into. But Allie isn't like him, even her darkest moods and thoughts are full of fire, casting light. Allie burns things down, she doesn't swallow them up.

He tells her the truth, one he's known for a long time. “I do.”

And, finally-

She's not starlight or sunlight or candlelight, she's a forest fire. When she leans into him, skin fever hot and her nails biting into his shoulders, he wonders if her inferno could burn the darkness right out from behind his ribs. Harry thinks he could be reduced to ashes, but he'd still let her try.

From Stars, I’m a little less sure, but I do like this part-

Just outside the doors, she catches a glimpse of Harry, head thrown back, laughing, his friends crowding close to him like moths to a flame, like they can't help it. Harry's always been magnetic. Allie remembers his face in the moonlight, the way she'd felt compelled to lean closer. It wasn't her fault; if you get close enough to Harry, he draws you into his orbit, planets rotating around a sun, basking in his light. Even now, her feet ache to drift in his direction. Those aren't her friends, he's not her friend anymore, but his gravitational pull is strong.

What type of Hallie stories do you like to write/read? (canon divergence, modern au, soulmate au, etc)

I’m an AU girl at heart, which is ironic considering 2 of my 3 Hallie fics are canon divergent. But really, I’m a big fan of AUs, almost any of them, I love them so much. I think I get more and more attracted to them the further I get into a show (the more seasons) because canon gets more confining as you have more of it. I think the kind of AU I like the most depends on the ship. I like soulmate AUs (obviously, I wrote one, lol) for Hallie because they have a history of not being super fond of each other & it’s a great way to force them to interact.

Favorite Hallie trope?

I think…. maybe Bed Sharing? You may notice that I write it into like everything I write ever. I just love the intimacy of it and the conversations people can have late at night in the dark or sleepy in the early morning. I dunno. It’s a thing for me, I guess.

Favorite Hallie headcanon?

I haven’t written it into anything (yet), but I have this mental picture of Modern AU Hallie getting really competitive about playing boardgames with each other. That has a soft spot in my heart.

How long have you been writing for?

Pretty much as long as I can remember. The first thing I can remember writing (like thinking I was seriously writing something people would want to read) was this ridiculous story about unicorn royalty when I was about seven years old. I never finished it, but I think I actually did write like at least a couple thousand words before I quit. I have hundreds of beginnings of original works, literally several hundred, but most of them are only a few hundred words. My parents always encouraged me to write, so it was just something I did pretty much ever since I physically could.

How has your writing style evolved over time?

Oh, I’m not even sure where to begin with this. Because I’ve been writing since I was really young, it’s definitely evolved a lot, some of it just through age and getting a better grasp of language, and some of it deliberately. I think when I was younger, I tried really hard to mimic the styles of writers I liked, and I’ve definitely moved away from that as I’ve gotten older and found my own voice. I’m not trying to sound like anyone in particular now. That’s not to say I don’t find other writers influential, I certainly do, but I’m not actively attempting to write in someone else’s style. I think everyone who writes is always evolving. You can’t help but be influenced by everything you read and absorb.

Do you ever worry about how your stories are received?

All the time. I only have 3 works on the restlessqueen AO3, but I think I’ve posted about 25 fanfictions over various platforms/accounts for various fandoms and ships, and I get nervous about them every time. Whenever I write something, I usually get this glow of like “Oh, I’ve done something and I like it!” and then that sort of slowly wears off and I start to just question everything about it. I don’t know anyone who feels 100% confident about the stuff they post. I think I’m a little less nervous about it than I used to be, because people have been very kind to me for the most part (I have one old fic from around 2012/13 that got a couple of comments that still haunt me a bit, but other than that I’ve had good experiences) and so that’s helped ease some of my fears. I think what makes me the most worried now is when I post something and I just don’t get much feedback or it takes quite a while for responses to roll in, because I’m always thinking like “is it really so bad no one has literally anything to say?? Is it that bad and I didn’t realize it?” Also, I’m a bit insecure about my descriptive writing, I feel like I don’t do a very good job of describing location/setting, and it’s something I’m working on. I’m always a little scared someone will say they basically just didn’t get any sort of mental picture from what I write.

What’s the hardest part of writing for you?

Focus. I have so many ideas always bouncing around my head, but I get distracted super easily. I can’t ever seem to only do one thing at a time. If I’m writing, I’m definitely either listening to music or sometimes even playing a podcast in the background because it’s like if there’s any free space at all in my brain, I just completely lose my ability to do anything. It’s a big struggle for me. I actually write with the most focus when I’m supposed to be doing something else. I wrote 150k worth of an original piece by writing when I was supposed to be taking notes in history class in high school. In fact, a lot of my fanfiction has been written during lectures, because somehow if I’m supposed to be focusing on something else, I’m almost always the most productive version of my writing self. I wish I were different, though.

Do you get writer’s block and if so how do you deal with it?

Ugh. Unfortunately. I’m not great at handling writer’s block, tbh. Sometimes I just don’t write for a long time. I think reading can sometimes oust me from it, but not always. The worst is that occasionally I have to just push through it and write my way out of it (which basically means just writing really uninspired crap until I manage to find some inspiration again). I do think that talking to someone about what I’m working on is a big help, though it’s not always an available option. I’m part of a writing group, and I usually feel really inspired after we’ve had a writing discussion.

Biggest risk you’ve ever taken as a writer?

Wow, this is actually a really hard question. I feel like I’m not a big risk taker, and this is making me wonder if maybe I should try to take more writing risks. I guess most recently it could be creating the restlessqueen AO3. I made it because I have written quite a few fics for a pretty large fandom and I had gotten comfortable within that space and I thought it would be good for me to step outside of that world for a bit. I think it really has been, too.

again, the biggest of thanks to @restlessqueenx for doing this with me! to anyone who hasn’t read any of these fics, please do so immediately. each of them are amazing and i will never step recommending them!