stuffimwatching

[anakinlove]

Hello Lili my love how are u

Hello!!!!

I am good!!!

How are you??

[6ebe]

so sad to be leaving Germany and my bestie :(

[vroomvro0mferrari]

LN4 | Dutch Courage

Summary: When Max Verstappen invites Lando to celebrate King’s Day with him, he can hardly refuse. Especially when it’s a great opportunity to spend time with the Dutch man’s sister.

Lando Norris x Verstappen!Reader

WC: 2.9K

Warnings: Alcohol (over)consumption, curse words

Masterlist

The first time Lando really came in contact with the Dutch culture was during his first Dutch Grand Prix. The atmosphere of the race, the enthusiasm of the people, and the taste of stroopwafels immediately made him like the Netherlands. When Max introduced him to more Dutch traditions and told him about the extreme celebrations of the King’s birthday, he couldn’t believe it. His experiences with the Queen’s birthday were completely different, much more sophisticated and ceremonial than the Dutch celebrations. You could say he was gobsmacked when he saw the videos; people dressed all in orange, filling the streets and canals, drunkenly partying like it was a festival. When Max extended an invitation to join him next April, Lando accepted straight away, eager to experience the unique tradition.

And so, next April 27th, Lando found himself in Amsterdam. He was passing tons of people stalling out their stuff on blankets, sitting on folding chairs by their improvised shops. They were all dressed in orange, of course. Lando, himself, had also adhered to the dress code. Sporting his orange hoodie, he’s ready to party all day long.

Lando made his way through the city, Google maps opened on his phone as he navigated the streets of Amsterdam. Luckily, Max’s apartment building was easy to find. Lando rang the doorbell, grinning when he spotted his Dutch friend. Lando could already hear the noise coming from the apartment while he greeted Max, the sound of music and singing passing through the walls.

“Hey man, what’s up?” He asked.

“Nothing much. What about you?” Max responded while welcoming Lando into his second home, leading him into the hallway.

Lando was about to answer his question, but the unexpected sight in the living room disrupted his train of thought. A confused frown etched itself onto his face, and he asked, “Why are there so many girls in your house? Don’t you have a girlfriend already?”

Max laughed at the question, “Oh yeah, they're my sister’s friends,” he responded nonchalantly as if they weren’t appropriating his apartment.

“You sister’s friends? Why are they taking over your place?”

“They’re getting ready to go out in a bit. Since I live closer to the centre than Y/N, they’re leaving from here. I told them to stay the night too, I don’t want Y/N and her friends to travel home in the middle of the night when they’re all drunk.”

Lando nodded as he observed the herd of girls getting ready. It was a mess – even compared to how his sisters got ready. They were doing lots of things at the same time: passing the phone around to pick music, singing along to whatever Dutch song was playing, taking pictures, talking, doing their makeup, fixing their hair, picking out accessories and putting flags on their faces; it was complete chaos, but they didn’t seem to mind.

“I’ll get you some water, mate,” Max said before walking to the kitchen, leaving Lando alone with the women. 

It took a while for Y/N to spot Lando, but when she did, she came over right away. “Lando! How are you? I haven’t seen you in such a long time!” She said excitedly as she pulled him in for a hug.

“I’m good. It’s your fault we haven’t seen each other in so long, you never come to races anymore,” 

“Yeah, sorry about that. Life’s been busy. So, I hear today’s your first King’s Day, are you excited?”

Lando chuckled, “Ah, yes it is. Of course, I’m excited. I’ve been told it’s quite the experience!”

“It certainly is. I would’ve expected you to wear more orange though, isn’t it your team’s colour?” She questioned him teasingly.

“Is my hoodie not enough?” He asked, looking down at his outfit.

“Oh Lando, you know it’s not! Didn’t Max show you the videos? Come, I’ll put some flags on your face,” she said as she pulled him into the group of girls. 

They all greeted him enthusiastically as Y/N searched through the pile of orange and red-white-and-blue-coloured accessories, looking for something that would fit Lando. She pulled out a ribbon of the Dutch flag and grinned widely. Lando stood still as Y/N wrapped the ribbon around his head like a headband and tied it with a bow. “Very coquette, I’m sure your lady fans will love it,” she murmured and grabbed his jaw to turn his face to the side. A look of focus overtook her features as she gently applied the face paint to Lando’s cheeks. 

Lando was caught off guard at the situation he found himself in. He had barely stepped foot in the apartment and he was already being pulled in all kinds of directions as the whirlwind of women fussed over him, dressing him up for their sacred holiday. He caught Max’s eyes over Y/N’s shoulder, silently pleading for rescue, but Max merely laughed at the situation in which Lando had trapped himself, not offering any assistance. Instead, he stood by and watched with amusement as Y/N picked out things for Lando to wear and offered him an orange poncho for the rain that would probably come later today. Lando had no choice but to go along with it, accepting everything as it came. It was only a small effort for him, and it seemed to make her happy.

Y/N only let Lando go once she was satisfied with his outfit. He quickly rushed to Max, who offered him a glass of water with a big grin on his face, “She got you, eh?”

“Apparently, my orange hoodie was not enough,” he responded.

Max pat him on the back, “Don’t worry, I was a victim earlier,” he replied, pointing to his cheeks covered with face paint.

Not much later, the girls finally settled down. They were nearly ready to leave, the only thing they needed before heading off was a decent meal. If they were going to get wasted, they should at least have a good base. Y/N and her friends had organised a feast that could feed everyone and then some, with food left to spare. After the generous lunch was consumed, the women had some drinks to get a headstart before they packed their purses, making sure they had all the essentials covered. They divided the tiny bottles of alcohol they had bought in advance, and Lando watched in shock and disbelief as every girl shoved at least two tiny bottles down their bra. Meanwhile, Max seemed entirely unimpressed – as neutral as one could be.

Y/N and her friends had gotten tickets to Kingsland and the alcohol there was way too expensive to get drunk. If they needed to sneak in some alcohol to get properly pissed, that was a problem easily solved. The girls said goodbye and headed out the door, leaving silence in their wake.

The men didn’t leave that much later and headed over to the boat where they would meet Martijn, aka, Martin Garrix, with whom Max and Lando were both good friends. They would spend their time partying on the boat, getting just as drunk as Y/N and her friends before joining Martijn for his performance at Kingsland, where they’d meet up with the girls.

It was hours, and a shit ton of drinks, later when Max called Y/N to let her know they arrived at the festival grounds. In the meantime, a lot had happened: Y/N’s group of friends had gained at least three more people, Lando had cut his nose open on a glass bottle, and Max, somehow, managed to fall off the boat.

Y/N was dancing with her group of friends, going crazy for the songs the DJ was playing when she suddenly felt hands on her shoulders. She turned around immediately, surprised at the presence of a new person and ready to defend herself against whoever decided to touch her. That is, until she noticed the person behind her was Lando. As soon as she recognised the man, she, very drunkenly, jumped onto him. Y/N claimed she hadn’t seen him in so long as she put her entire body weight on the man who, unsuspecting of the move and unstable from the amount of alcohol he had consumed, nearly fell over. Y/N giggled innocently at the interaction, holding Lando’s arms tightly to prevent their fall. She looked up at his face while she did so, noticing the bandage on his nose.

“What did you do?” She slurred, frowning concernedly while running a hand along his face. That wasn’t a good choice; she lost her balance as soon as her hand left Lando’s arm. Lando, his own state not much better, grabbed her waist, trying to stop her wobbling.

“Got hit in the face with a broken beer bottle,” he replied with a grin and Y/N giggled at the image forming in her mind. 

“That’s so stupid. Did it hurt?” she asked.

Lando laughed loudly, “No, I’m too drunk to feel anything.”

Even though the comment wasn't that funny, Y/N couldn’t help but laugh along, nearly toppling over.

The group, now including Max and Lando, stood in the crowd, dancing to the music playing as it became busier in anticipation of Martin Garrix’s performance. The field they were standing in became more crowded by the second, pressing them closer to each other. There was barely any space left to move, packed like sardines in a can. When there were people who tried to pass, Y/N’s back was pressed tightly against Lando. So tightly that she could feel the warmth radiating off his body and his breath hitting her neck; so tightly that it made Max send Lando a warning glare. But it didn’t matter when everyone was drunk and there were too many people between them for Max to do anything other than stare angrily.

When Martijn began his set everyone cheered and moved along to the music. In Y/N’s current position, she was nearly grinding against Lando, but he didn’t seem to mind, holding her close with one hand while the other held his drink in the air. Nevertheless, she turned around, wanting to avoid conflict between her brother and Lando, and any pictures and rumours that would most likely arise when people spotted the world-famous Formula 1 drivers. That didn’t mean she’d avoid his touch, though; throwing her arms over his shoulders while he held her waist, they kept dancing together.

Martijn’s set ended way sooner than they would’ve liked it to, and it was only a while longer before the group left Kingsland for his penthouse. After all, when you’re invited to Martin Garrix’s after-party by the man himself, you cannot refuse. 

Somehow, they managed to get to his penthouse safely, where they kept the party going until at least midnight. Most of the people Martijn invited left after the fireworks, leaving a smaller group of people occupying the rooftop. After standing, dancing and jumping all day and night, the group finally found somewhere to sit for a while – just to let their legs rest. But, as luck would have it, there weren’t enough seats, because when are there ever? Before Y/N could even suggest she’d stand, Lando, in his drunken stupor, had already pulled her down to sit on his lap.

He smiled triumphantly as she sat, “You looked tired,” is all he said to justify it.

Despite her surprise, Y/N welcomed the closeness and leaned into Lando, resting her body against his while she sipped her Aperol and joined the ongoing discussion. It was the perfect way to end her night – surrounded by her friends, joking around and enjoying her drink. She enjoyed the drunken conversation, giggling whenever Lando would whisper a funny remark in her ear about whatever stupid comment someone just uttered. His commentary was so distracting that she didn’t even notice when he put his hand on her thigh and tightened his hold on her waist, pulling her closer.

Max, however, did notice. He had been keeping an eye on Lando since their interaction at Kingsland when Y/N was basically grinding on Lando. Knowing a warning glare didn’t do much last time, Max was ready to do just about anything to make his objections clear if Lando decided to take things too far in his presence. Especially when he saw Lando’s hand moving higher up Y/N’s leg while she solely giggled in his arms. It’s an understatement to say the alcohol made Lando bolder – he felt fucking fearless as he kept his gaze locked on Y/N, not removing his eyes for even a second, not until a loud voice interrupts the conversation, at least.

“Hey, mate, let’s keep it PG, yeah?” The tone of Max’s voice made the words sound a lot less casual and jovial than they usually would and Y/N’s cheeks flared up when she noticed he was referring to her and Lando. Lando’s hands shot up, as if Y/N’s warm skin burned his hands, lifting them in a gesture of surrender.

“Sorry man, didn’t even notice it,” he replied.

Max glowered at him, showing he was not messing around before returning to his conversation.

When Max’s attention shifted away from them, Lando tentatively placed his hand back. The alcohol running through his veins made him ballsy and fearless as he continued to make comments in Y/N’s ear. This time, she noticed his moving hand, a blush rising to her cheeks in anticipation of Max’s reaction. But he wasn’t paying attention to the two of them, not until he heard his sister laughing boisterously. Startled at the sound, his eyes darted over to the pair, widening in disbelief when he spotted Lando’s wandering hand edging closer to the hem of your skirt once again. Max’s instincts immediately kicked in at the sight – the audacity of this man.

“That’s enough, Norris. Hands off,” he commanded, his tone firm.

Lando’s confidence faltered under Max’s scrutinising gaze, and he removed his hand immediately. “Sorry, man,” he said, blushing at the attention. Max, too, had been drinking all day, and Lando didn’t want to risk another injury; the cut on his nose was enough for today.

Lando’s sudden change in behaviour was obvious to Y/N; his uncertainty and reluctance to touch her were palpable. In an attempt to reassure him, she leaned her head against his shoulder, cuddling into him while she kept the conversation going. She made eye contact with her brother, whose unrelenting glare softened at her comfort. All he wanted to do was to protect Y/N, but it now felt unnecessary as she seemed entirely at ease with Lando.

At some point during the night, Y/N took the initiative and grabbed Lando’s hand, placing it on her thigh. Lando was apprehensive at the gesture, looking over at Max to see his reaction, but he was focused on his sister. He watched her play with Lando’s hand, fiddling with his fingers and giggling into the crook of his neck. Max shifted his eyes to Lando, nodding at him before returning to his conversation – a sign of approval. If his sister was okay with it, initiating and encouraging it even, then he would accept it.

They stayed in the same position until people started to leave. When Y/N’s friends mentioned heading home, Max suggested everyone should go back, not wanting the girls to walk home alone while they were wasted. It took little convincing to get everyone into the elevator and out to the street to start the short journey (although much longer when drunk) back to his apartment. 

Lando and Y/N were walking next to each other, rounding up the group while Max was busy herding Y/N’s friends through the city. They were leaning on each other as they stumbled through the streets, laughing at Max who was frantically chasing the girls to make sure they took the right turns.

When they finally got back to Max’s apartment, the chaos of the night followed them inside as Max helped everyone to their beds. He had basically adopted Y/N’s friends as his sisters by now, fussing over them throughout the night. Occupied with the girls, Max doesn’t notice Lando following his sister into her bedroom. He sprawled himself out on the bed, barely kicking off his shoes, while Y/N got herself ready to sleep. 

She stumbled over to the bed while Lando watched her, both of them giggling as she nearly tripped over the shoes scattered around the floor. She curled up next to him on the bed, her body fitting perfectly against his. As they drifted to sleep, their whispers slowly faded into silence until the only sounds that remained were the soft snores from the cuddled-up couple, and the quiet stomps of Max trying to catch Y/N's giggling friends.

[tartppola]

Stranded in another world, with no hope of going back or any magic to defend themselves with, this is the anecdote of the Ramshackle Prefect Yuulis Crowley's first week in another world called Twisted Wonderland.

warning : mentions of blood & dissection, didn't beta this so :P a/n : happy april fools :D

It was a chilly morning on the Night Raven College campus, and Sam’s first day coming back to the mystery shop. Oh, how he missed the purple overlay of the wallpaper; the diamond skulls and taxonomy and other knick-knacks that seamlessly blend together to form something quite avant-garde. Speaking of knick-knacks, he remembered that his new stock of goods his ‘friends’ salvaged from who knows where should be arriving today, how exciting!

His feet skipped up and about, the keys he spun around his finger chiming as he hummed a happy tune from the Port of Jubilee. Sam wonders what kind of faces the new first years would make the first time they step into the shop, or when they meet his ‘friends’ for the first time. 

Just as he was about to make a turn from Main Street, he stopped dead in his tracks. There was a pile of huge boxes at the doorstep, that must be his new goods, but there was something else, or rather, someone else. That someone–young enough to be a first year, but not wearing the school uniform–was waiting by the boxes. No student has ever been to the shop this early, and the school hasn’t allowed any of the local townsfolk to visit, so why?

“Excuse me!” Sam called out, making his way towards them, “I’m flattered that a line is already forming, but opening hours aren’t until lunch time!”

They stared blankly at him the moment he stood right in front of them. They held out a clipboard with a delivery receipt that listed the names of various magical supplies 

“I’m here to on behalf of the Headmaster,” Sam barely understood them through their thick accent, “Please double check the receipt and make sure to tell of any errors.”

Since when did the Headmaster hire any couriers.....and one so young at that. Oh well, as long as Crowley’s not breaking any child labor laws, it should be alright, shouldn’t it? The shopkeep noticed that his back grew colder and colder as he went through the new inventory. He stole a small glance at the youth, turning back immediately when he saw how intently their gaze bore through his soul.

“Phew! It’s getting pretty darn cold out here!” The hand that held his keys trembled a bit, “How about we go inside to warm ourselves up a bit?”

He took back his thoughts. This was far from alright.

“--and where do these charms go, Mr.Sam?” 

“By the aisle near the grimoires, next to the paper talismans,”

It’s been nearly half an hour of restocking, yet they haven’t left the store. Sam tried his best to breathe through the awkward atmosphere, but the tension was so thick he could harvest it, bottle it up and sell each for 500 madol. If only such a thing was possible, if only.

“Mr.Sam,” 

He felt his shadow jump to the ceiling at the sound of their voice. 

“What kind of store is this, exactly?” 

“Well, since you’ve seen my wares firsthand, should you be able to tell right away?” He put on an air of faux confidence, hoping they wouldn’t notice. 

“At first, I thought this was a magic supplies store, but none of them back at home sell dangerous herbs like oleander and wolf’s bane. How did you get a hold of this amount of them anyway?”

“Well, what can I say? There’s only so much exotic ingredients you can grow in the botanical gardens,” 

“But, there are also basic necessities like toothpaste and clothes,” They pondered, “Come to think of it, one of the new deliveries was a box of snacks, wasn’t it?”

“That’s what happens when you’re the only tuck shop in one of the most prestigious schools in the world!” He winked, “It wasn’t easy getting ahold of most of the inventory, but you gotta do what you gotta do, don’t you agree?”

A small chuckle escaped their lips, “That’s not a bad mindset for a businessman.”

In the end, no matter how eccentric they initially seemed, a child is still a child. He felt foolish for being so afraid, what could they do when he had his friends by his side?

“By the way,” it was hard to notice how much time passed by, “Shouldn’t you go back to your dorm and change into your uniform? It’s almost time for morning classes.”

“Ah, was Mr.Sam not present during the entrance ceremony? No wonder you didn’t recognize me,” 

There was some word on the street about a fiasco happening during this year’s entrance ceremony, something about the halls being lit on fire by a beast? He couldn’t believe it when  one of the friends that stayed to guard the shop told him about it.

“I was deemed unworthy to be sorted into a dorm, because I possess no magical capabilities whatsoever. It seems that there was an error during the student selection process,”

“Is that even possible?” his suave expression morphed into worry, “Then, why didn’t the Headmaster send you back home?”

“He tried, but the Mirror of Darkness said something along the lines of ‘The place from whence they came from can’t be found in this world’. 

“And so here I am, doing odd jobs and tasks on behalf of the Headmaster, the students and the staff of NRC,” Sam could hear a small sense of pride at their introduction, “I'm more capable than I look, please don’t hesitate to call upon me if you need any assistance.”

Of all the strange things to make their way into his shop, never in a million years would Sam expect an estranged secretary to be one of them, and one that possibly came from another world to boot. He had a feeling that this year was going to be much, much more eventful than any of the years to have come, and he couldn’t wait to see it all unfold.

“Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you, little demon,” The shopkeep tipped his hat in a fine, gentlemanly manner, “Make sure to drop by again, ‘till next time!”

The gap of knowledge between the first and second year was indeed a big leap to overcome, Crewel knew how unprepared his puppies were going to be.

But by the Great Seven, oh how much he overestimated them.

The likes of Riddle Rosehearts and Azul Ashengrotto couldn’t possibly make up for the utter incompetence these mutts have, even the students with subpar scores like Savanaclaw’s Ruggie Bucchi and Diasomnia’s Silver looked like geniuses. At best, there are students like Kalim al-Asim, who actually tries, yet their efforts seem to seep out through their ears the moment they leave class, then there’s the unpredictable ones like Floyd Leech.

He remembers how the eel turned in blank test papers, or how he mixes whatever ingredients he finds interesting together, bleeding the chemical supply. 2 days ago, he used up an entire month’s worth of imp spinal fluid during potions class. It’s not as if they were hard to get, but their effects are most potent when freshly harvested. The thought of harvesting it himself made him shudder; sure, he’s seen some grotesque imagery as an alchemy professor, but who knows how long it will take to restock if he made a report to Crowley?

Sigh. Looks like he’ll have to put practical sessions on hold for a while and haggle with Sam.

“Excuse me, is Professor Crewel here?” 

The door to the alchemy lab opened, bringing the professor back to reality. Someone he has never seen before let themself in, a plastic bag in hand. 

“Stay! I don’t recall allowing anyone without a lab coat to enter….!” Realization kicked in once he got a clearer look, “Huh--so it’s you, the magicless stray that caused a riot in the entrance ceremony.”

The sound of a whip resonated through the room, followed by faint chattering and murmurs from nearby students scrambling away from the alchemy lab. 

“Only authorized students and staff are allowed in the lab during school hours, didn’t the Headmaster tell you?” 

Most of his students would cower just by hearing his tone grow stern, yet they remained unfazed. Playing bold now are we? Looks like he’ll have to teach them a lesson. 

“The Headmaster,” they brought the plastic bag to his chest, “said that the lab’s storage room needed restocking.” 

Ah, was that it? Making a child do his job; how much of a slave driver was Crowley? Knowing Crowley’s tardiness, it was probably something he had already spent his paycheck on, although the bottom of the bag was unusually cold. 

Curiosity getting the better of the professor, he untied the knot and opened the bag. His face recoiled, from the shock of seeing the contents. Aurora moth’s scales--he had only requested these a few days ago! Not to mention all of that translucent mucus coating the scales, how long ago were these harvested?

“Is there something wrong, Professor?”

Crewel almost forgot about the intruder standing in front of him, “No, it’s just--this is the first time I've seen them so...fresh. The ones Crowley buys usually come preserved in bottles.”

“That may be because I just harvested them this afternoon,” they said nonchalantly.

“You--You what?!” the professor didn’t even try to mask his disgust, “You did this yourself?”

Their head tilted sideways, akin to a confused child.

“The Headmaster said that the locals needed help with pest control, so I’d thought I’d lend a hand, and they let me do whatever I wanted with the moths as payment, ” Despite having experience with that sort, Crewel’s stomach began to swirl, “The Headmaster gave me permission too,”

A scowl grew on his face. Typically a moth would've been killed humanely before their wings were plucked to relax their ligaments, but seeing the mess clinging to the wing's ends, it's clear that they didn't consider such option. He couldn't decide if they had a strong stomach to withstand seeing large bugs squirm underneath them, or an uneducated fool.

“Professor, are you alright? You look exhausted,” 

He snapped back to reality that instant, rubbing circles around his temple. Pull yourself together, Crewel, he edged himself, you’ve lost your composure twice already. Maybe he just needed a good serving of raisin butter with wine on the side, or a joyride on his prized car. He glanced back at the dismembered wings, at least he got what he wanted. Still, this has never happened before, perhaps if he could take advantage of this situation….

“Tell me, pup. Since you have...the appropriate experience to harvest wings, how good are you at dissecting imps?”

They pondered for a while. It’s the most animated he’s seen of them, “I suppose I do how to extract fluids, their lymph is a versatile ingredient in many types of salves after all. Although it has been a while since I’ve ever needed to.” 

Bingo

“Then, how about spinal fluid?”

It was their turn to be surprised, “I-I’ve never done that on an imp before. Just think of the amount of imps needed to fill a single bottle.”

“Tell you what, pup. Are you interested in a side-job?” 

Without giving them a chance to respond, Crewel tossed a few madol and a map of the campus in their direction, “There are some common imps causing trouble in the college lately coming from who knows where. If you can deal with them, I’ll give you the other half of the payment, and of course--.”

He shoved them a basket full of empty test tubes, slinging it over their shoulder, “Fill every single test tube here to the brim before tomorrow's Science Club activity, I won't take no for an answer.” 

And with that, they were pushed out of the alchemy lab. Spending their first sleepless night in another world catching imps wasn’t on their bucket list. Sighing heavily, they picked up their feet and staggered.

‘I wanted to creep him out a little,’ they thought, ‘but I ended up being the one getting creeped out.’

For such an important place, why did Crowley’s office have to be in a place so out of reach? For all his years in Night Raven College, Crewel always dreaded sending weekly reports to the Headmaster’s office, he could feel his leg muscles ache as he knocked against the two large gates. He peeked inside the office to look for the Headmaster. 

“There you are, professor! What took you so long?” 

There he was, sitting cross-legged on his desk as the portraits of the Great Seven floated up and about. Trein was there as well, as cold as usual and showing no sign of fatigue, peering at him as if he could see through everything. Maybe it was because he had a 20 year head start, either way, it was irritating how he was the only disheveled one.

“I don’t know, maybe it was the countless stairs I have to climb every week to submit a report when you can simply hire a secretary to fetch them for you?” 

The crow simply smiled, already figuring out a solution to Crewel’s ire, “How has the first week of teaching been for you, professors?”

“I don’t know which is greener, the topiary maze in the Heartslabyul dorm, or the new puppies I’m in charge of,” Crewel shook his head. 

“For once, I agree,” the history professor nodded indefinitely, Lucius yawning in his arms, “But that could be said for every first year in the history of NRC.” 

Dire nodded, “Seems like everything’s going smoothly then! I shall leave the future of our students in your capable hands!”

Both professors nodded in response, “As you wish, Headmaster.”

“Although, I’d like to inquire about something,” Crewel spoke up before raising his index finger to the large window. From above, the view of the setting sun looming over the campus could be seen, but his finger specifically pointed to Main Street, or rather;the magicless stray walking to the direction of the alchemy lab, with the basket in hand and the direbeast from before by their side.

“What are we going to do about that?”

Without needing to look, Trein simply closed his eyes, “If what the mirror spoke was true, then that child quite literally has no place to go back to. It comes to question how they even ended up here in the first place."

Crowley rubbed his chin. The ultimate decision lies with him, and honestly, there was nothing stopping him from just shirking them off his feathers and leaving them to fend for themselves, along with the cat-beast that terrorized the entrance ceremony.

"It would undoubtedly stain the reputation of our esteemed college if we just kicked them out," the Headmaster groaned, "Oh, why must I be plagued with such problems!"

"Best of luck to you then, Headmaster Crowley," The two professors turned their heels and left Crowley's office with not a care in the world, leaving him with his worries.

The Headmaster leaned against his chair and sighed against the beak of is mask. Dealing with the child was the last thing he wanted to do at this moment, with their odd mannerisms and such, however...

Being unable to return home wasn't an unfamiliar conundrum to the Headmaster.

Perhaps it's his boundless generosity speaking to him, but there was a pang of heavy emotion in his chest that told him he couldn't simply leave that child, Yuulis, alone. Was it guilt? or maybe atonement? Whatever it was, it overrode the rational side of his brain

Dire Crowley was the type of person to judge a book by it's cover, which is why he was surprised how his new errand runner, or rather, the new Ramshackle Prefect was able to hold up better than he expected. The reports he received from the staff members he had tasked them with helping have been amicable, and his workflow was much smoother now that he had divided the more menial tasks to someone else. He had thought he had envoked the wrath of the Great Seven with the mess that was thrown his way, but surely they were more pliant than they initially seemed, and now Crowley had a reliable aide at his beck and call.

That would've been the end of the story if Crowley's worries ended there.

Perhaps it's his intuition as a mage, one that's been sharpened by many years of experience, but there was something off about the Prefect. It was subtle enough for none of the other professors to pick up on it, perhaps not even the prefect the▅self were aware of it, but Crowley co▅ld fe▅▅ it.

The lingering mi▅▅ma ▅▅ p▅rmea▅▅ from ▅▅em, it ▅▅ ▅▅▅▅▅ ▅ ▅▅▅ M▅▅▅l▅ ▅▅ ▅no▅▅ ▅▅▅▅ ▅▅▅▅▅▅▅ ▅▅ , ▅n▅▅d f▅rom the loo▅▅ ▅, if Crowley doesn't get it under control, it might spell disaster for the mages in his beloved college.

They'd succeeded his expectations as a prefect, so why not bestow upon them another act of kindness?

A knock resounded from the door to the Headmaster's office, before creaking open. Under the candles that lit the office dimly, the prefect looked like one of the many ghosts that toiled in the campus.

"Apologies for the delay," they nodded, curtly greeting the Headmaster, "It took a while to convince Professor Trein to let me into the library archives, but I got what you asked for."

"It can't be helped, I suppose. The lecture he gave me that time still rings in my ears," Crowley picked the bundle of files off of Yuulis' hands.

"Rightfully so," the monotone in their voice wavered, "With all due respect, I don't see why what you did was necessary, nor will it benefit you or your reputation, Headmaster."

His fingers intertwined and rested over his mouth, obscuring what's left of his face. A part of him thought that Yuulis wouldn't question his actions, but it seems they had not let their guard down completely. Not that he blamed them--in a world of villains, it's wiser to play your cards right.

"I've made it quite clear that it was a mutual agreement, yes?" he says, "One day, you'll understand, once you've proven that you're worthy of carrying my secrets."

He sauntered towards them, slow and heavy footsteps circling around the prefect, "Besides, don't you want my help? You won't have to isolate yourself anymore, drifting around from place to place, worrying about hurting other people. You'll be able to live a normal life. It'd be easier for me to help you with your more personal matters like this, wouldn't you agree, my dearest nephew?"

It was probably underhanded of him to take advantage of their ignorance, but it's too late for them. The pact has been made, Crowley isn't sure whether Yuulis could feel the invisible link that binds them together as well, but the matching blue vest he gave them, their new surname, was enough to send them the message.

"It's getting late, come now, I'll walk you back to that rickety old--err, Ramshackle dorm," says the headmaster, waiting for Yuulis to trail behind him, like they usually do.

With bated breath, they come to accept their new circumstances. They step closer to the Headmaster.

"As you wish, uncle,"

[ofstoriesandstardust]

miss americana & the heartbreak prince (b.r.b.)

note: if this fic looks familiar to you... well, that's because it's been here before. and the response was less than kind but i've cleaned a house a bit since then so it's coming back. remember that this fic is told with intertwining timelines and if you have something mean to say you'll get blocked. enjoy the read (or re-read!) :)

summary: The year Bradley left and the year he returned.

same mistakes

warnings: swearing, alcohol mentions, my general same mistakes warnings

word count: 4.9k

“It’s been a long time coming/it’s me and you”

You slip out into the warm September air from Sarah’s car. 

“Bye! Have a good-” 

The door shuts as you tug your bag higher on to your shoulder. You take a deep breath, beginning the walk down the stairs to the courtyard. 

Almost immediately, the whispers begin. 

“Did you hear-” 

“Bradshaw won’t speak to her anymore-” 

“Feel kind of bad-”

“How could she-”

“I hear her Dad put her into therapy-”

“Heard she kinda lost it-”

“Bradshaw is better off-”

You squeeze your eyes shut, willing to block the words out. 

They didn’t know a single thing about you nor your family. They just knew what Bradley had reveled in telling them, with no care to the fact that you had to come back to this place. 

You feel someone watching you, causing your eyes to fly open. Across the hall is Sienna and Ben, Matt and Madison, Andrew joining them from around the corner. And there, at the head of the group, is Paige. 

Just a year younger than her older brother Lucas, Paige was someone who had spent so much time in your house. Where Bradley went, Lucas followed, and where Lucas went, so did Paige. 

While Lucas graduated the year before with Bradley, you and Paige were in the same class together, had been since their family, also Navy, relocated to the Miramar base in the 4th grade. 

Paige, who’d sworn she'd be caught dead before hanging out with the likes of Sienna and Ben, after you’d caught Ben cheating on you with the girl who was supposed to be your best friend just less than six months prior. 

The bell ringing, signaling the need to head for your homeroom, does nothing to alleviate the weight of the year that you know is in front of you. 

-

Bradley squeezes your hand as you walk up the steps of the house (read: mansion) April had rented for her birthday. 

“You excited?” 

You shrug, stepping closer to Bradley as an ocean breeze blows through. 

“Are you?” 

He nods. “It’ll be fucking amazing to see everyone. It’s been a few years since the whole group has been together. I mean I’ve seen Lucas and Paige any time we’re all in town, and Morgan has finally re-located back here, but I haven’t seen Andrew in like six or seven years.” 

You swallow, feeling your nerves grow as you walk up the stone steps. 

It felt like you were walking towards the death sentence of your relationship, uncertain about what (or rather, who) you would face on the other side of that heavy oak door. 

Bradley rings the doorbell as he says, “Actually, Andrew texted me to ask if I was bringing you.” 

Your stomach drops as you hear movement on the other side of the door. “Why?”

He shrugs. “The dude’s always been nosy. I think-” 

You never know what Bradley is going to say as the front door opens, revealing a grinning April. 

“Bradshaw!” She shouts, pulling him into a hug. “I’m so glad you could make it.” 

“Happy to be here.” He says, words muffled into the girl’s shoulder. She lets him go, her smile equally as blinding when she sees you. 

“You actually brought your girlfriend. Was starting to think you were hiding mini Mitchell away from us.” 

She pulls you into a hug of her own, but it’s not fast enough, you catching Jameson Hall over her shoulder as he pokes his head around the wall to see who’s arrived. 

You don’t miss the way his eyes widen and the way he chokes on his drink. 

-

“Maybe you should join the cross-country team, I know tryouts are this Tuesday.” Ice says nonchalantly over dinner. 

You raise an eyebrow. “Why?” 

He shrugs. “It’ll be good for you to get out of the house, focusing on other… things.” 

He says things in such a way that you know really means Bradley but no one was really willing to discuss his absence, not since that last night at Ice and Sarah’s. 

“Plus, didn’t you get into running after seeing that grief counselor?” 

Your Dad had put you and Bradley both into grief counseling when Carole passed in the spring, but you’d only gone for three sessions before seeing the old dude with an office that smelled like fish and a receding hairline had gotten to be too irritating as he tried to tell you how you were supposed to feel. 

The only thing that had come out of the sessions was the suggestion of picking up an activity that allowed you to decompress and focus on other things. And you leaned into running, something that Slider teased you for doing willingly. 

They didn’t need to know that every time you went a run, you went running to see if this would be the time you’d run so far you never came back. 

“I’ll think about it.” 

-

“Thanks for inviting us, April.” Bradley says, the girl shutting the door behind you as the two of you step into the foyer. 

“Of course, I’m happy you guys came. You guys are earlier than the rest, you know how it is. Angelina and Jameson are in the living room-” She pauses as you both see the ill-hidden twitch of Bradley's lips. She holds up a hand, cutting off whatever he’s going to say. “Save it, Bradshaw. I already know.” 

He shrugs. “Good.” 

“Anyways, they’re in the living room and Alex is in the kitchen. Morgan and Paige are out by the pool, and Lucas and Andrew are on their way. I invited Ben and Sienna as well-”

Now, it’s your turn to raise any eyebrow. “April, that’s not funny.” 

She gives you a weird look. “I wasn’t kidding, I-” 

You sigh, letting Bradley’s hand fall. “I need alcohol if I’m gonna deal with the two of them.” 

“Oh, c’mon, it was like two decades ago-” 

“April.” Bradley says sternly as you turn, walking through the door next to you, avoiding the living room. 

It takes you a few minutes to find the kitchen in the house, Alex perking up when you do. 

“Hey mini Mitchell-”

“Why the hell did April invite Ben and Sienna?” 

The question is rhetorical as you wrench the fridge door open, but Alex sighs. “Because my little sister has always cared more about being liked than being a decent friend. Hey, I hear you and Bradshaw are finally together. Congrats, that’s a long time coming.” 

“Shut up Alex.” You mumble, popping the can open. 

-

Your skin is sticky with sweat, but even that can’t stop the little skip in your step as you fish through your bag for your car keys. 

You weren’t sure why you’d ended up trying out for the cross-country team like Ice had suggested, but it had felt so good to hear that you’d made the team. 

Sure, they kind of accepted everyone who could run a decent mile pace but you aren’t sure that really mattered to you.

You finally had something that was yours. 

Someone calls your name and you turn, catching sight of Morgan, the captain of the cross-country team for the last three years. 

She offers you a beaming smile, tossing her bag into the back of the truck. “Congrats on making the team.” 

You run her smile, feeling your cheeks go a little warm. “Thanks.” 

She nods. “I’m glad you tried out. We don’t get a lot of upper-classmen trying out and I bet it can be kind of intimidating trying out for the team as a senior.” 

You shrug. “Well, my godfather kind of suggested it. He thinks I need an activity, so…” 

Her eyes are filled with mirth as she lets out a little laugh. “Makes sense. Say, uh, the other seniors and I are going to get ice cream. Would you want to join us?” 

You begin to rock back and forth on your heels. “I don’t know…” You trail off, unsure if the invitation was genuine or a nicety. 

Morgan was a leader as much as she was kind, why she had earned the role of Captain as a sophomore. She’d never let anyone feel unwelcome or excluded. 

She shrugs. “It’s up to you, but we’d love to have you. If not, you should at least join us at the team barbeque at my house this weekend.” 

You swallow. Dad was all about you making new friends and Sarah was always encouraging you to give people a shot so- what did you have to lose? 

“Yeah, why not? My homework can wait a few more hours.” 

-

You can hear people filling up the house as you stand in the kitchen, avoiding leaving and seeing people you’d rather not.

“Hey.” Alex whispers, glancing back out towards the source of the sound. “Now, you didn’t hear this from me, but Jameson filed for divorce last weekend. They haven’t told anyone yet.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Wait, why?” 

Alex drops his voice even lower. “Apparently, Angelina slept with one of the Chippendales dancers on a trip to Vegas a few months ago. Jameson just found out.” Your eyes widen at the information and Alex nods. “Yeah, sometimes how we get them is how we lose them. C’mon, let’s go join the group.” 

You follow Alex, despite the fact that you’re still reeling. “How am I supposed to pretend to be normal?” 

He shrugs. “Just play along.” 

The two of you don’t get very far before you’re intercepted by someone who looks oddly familiar to you, Bradley at her shoulder.

You blink. 

-

“Senior night is tonight?” Your Dad asks as you step off the last step. You wince, turning to face him, the letterman jacket you’d be instructed to wear suddenly feeling too heavy. 

“Yeah.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me? This is so exciting-” 

“I didn’t think you’d have time to go.” 

He deflates at the flat tone in your voice, the paper crinkling in his fingers. “Well, I’d- I’d like to go if you want me there.” 

“If you want.” 

“Are- are you leaving right now?” 

You nod, feeling the keys grow sweaty in your hand as you stare at your Dad, who seems to be growing smaller. 

“Yeah. The meet is at 4, senior celebration at 6.” 

“Well, I- uh, why don’t I meet you down at the school?” 

“Sure Dad.” 

-

“Hey!” The girl says brightly.

“Hi?” 

A soft smile plays on her face. “You don’t remember me, do you?” 

Bradley sighs, taking your hand. He intertwines your fingers, the rough calluses of his palm comforting you as he does. “You remember Janie, yeah?” 

Alex lets out a laugh and an “Oh shit.” from his place next to you, lifting his hand to try and hide it. 

“Have you ever thought about minding your own business Alex?” Janie asks, a smile still on her face. 

“Have you ever known me to?” He shoots back. “But, alas,” he sighs, “I have enough respect for these two to start now.” 

Alex disappears into the crowd, as Bradley’s grip on your hand tightens. 

“I was just telling Bradley how happy it made me to hear that the two of you were finally together.” 

Janie and Bradley had started dating just weeks before Carole had shared her diagnosis with the two of you. She’d tried to see him through it, coming to the hospital and cooking and getting his missing homework assignments, but after months of things getting worse with no end in sight, she’d broken up with him. 

In hindsight, Bradley hadn’t even been all that sad, saying it was a mutual decision, that he needed to focus on his Mom before he could focus on a girlfriend. 

“I always kind of hoped, you know, that after Brad and I broke up, that the two of you would figure things out. I always knew you liked him.” 

You swallow. “Janie-” 

“No, no, it’s okay!” She exclaims, waving a hand. “Really. Even then, I knew, and honestly, I was okay with it. The two of you were meant for each other. It wouldn’t have been right if it had been me and Bradley who’d ended up together. It was always meant to be the two of you. ‘Bout broke my heart when I heard the two of you weren’t speaking to each other.” 

“Thank you, Janie.” You tell her honestly. “That’s- that’s incredibly kind of you to say.” 

“Well, I mean every word of it.” 

“Yo, Bradshaw!” Someone shouts and all three of you turn to the sound of voices entering the crowded living room. 

Bradley’s face lights up, his hand leaving yours as he goes to hug the man. “Andrew!” 

“God, you’d think they were dating.” You mutter into your drink, earning a chuckle from Janie. 

-

You and your Dad walk in silence out to your separate vehicles. Any conversation he’d tried to start after the meet had been ignored, you desperate just to get home after seeing who’d be in the crowd tonight.

Why couldn’t they all just fucking leave you alone? You hadn’t done anything, not to them, not to Bradley. They didn’t even like cross-country-

“Hey.” Morgan calls, followed by the sound of a car door opening. “Mitchell.” 

You swallow as you turn, gripping your track bag. 

“Hi Morgan.” 

She watches you with guarded eyes, leaning up against the side of her truck. “You know, when you tried out for the team, I wasn’t sure what to expect. You know, Bradshaw didn’t have a whole lot of nice things to say about you, so I’m pleasantly surprised by how you’ve done this season.” 

Your eyebrows furrow as you take a step closer. “You know Bradley? I didn’t know that.” 

She nods. “Friends since freshman year.” 

Horror dawns on you as your stomach drops. “And you ran to him the minute I joined the team. Everything that I’ve told you this season, everything I’ve confided in you this season as my friend, you turned around and told him?” 

As Morgan more or less confirms your words, it feels like the bottom is falling out on your life. You swallow down the nausea rising in your throat, the burning feeling making it all worse. 

“Why would you do that? Why would you do that to me?” 

“Oh, mini Mitchell.” Andrew sighs, from behind you. “Always with that victim complex of yours.” 

-

“So is it true?” Andrew says with a grin as he pulls away, leaving his hands on Bradley’s shoulders. 

“Is what true?” 

“You and mini Mitchell, man! Did the two of you finally make it happen?” 

Bradley chuckles as he nods. “Yeah, yeah, she came with me tonight.” He takes a few steps back, nodding to you as he does. Andrew’s face lights up, hand outstretched as he does. 

“Mini Mitchell! How’ve you been?” Your eyes flicker down to his hand and back up to his face. 

“You really expect me to shake your hand, Andrew? Really, after everything?” 

His face falls, confusion taking over. “What do you mean?” 

“I mean, I remember the last thing you had to say to me not being very kind.” 

“Damn, it’s been like twenty years, can you not let that shit go? You hold a grudge as bad as Bradshaw. Then again, he’s fucking you, so I can kinda see why he let that go.” 

Your eyes narrow as they shoot over to Jameson. 

Why in the world was he choosing to get involved?

“Jameson, isn’t your wife cheating on you?” You ask, tilting your head. He falls silent, shrinking back into the couch. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. You play stupid games, you win stupid prizes.” 

-

You turn, spotting Andrew leaned up against his car. His trunk is open, where Ben and Sienna are sat, Paige next to them. Lucas is leaned up against the opposite side of the car. 

You shake your head, tears pricking at your eyes. “I’m being ambushed in the parking lot of my own senior night.” You say miserably, throwing your hands up in the air. 

“Bradley has had one hell of a lot to say about you.” Lucas comments, folding his arms. 

“You guys used to be my friends.” 

“Kind of hard to be friends with someone as awful as you.” Paige responds. You can do nothing but look at them, tears already trickling down your face. 

This felt like betrayal in the worst way.

And it was all Bradley’s fault. 

“Look, the bottom line here, mini Mitchell, is that you’re just a bitch. You’ve done the worst things you could do to someone and you’ve never once taken accountability or responsibility for what you’ve done to him. You’ve never once apologized and you just expect us to let that all go?” Andrew heaves a dramatic sigh, pushing himself off his car. “Then again, everyone has always liked him more than we liked you. You’re like a leech we can’t get rid of. Life-sucking.” 

Your feet move before you give them permission, turning as your Dad calls out. Your tears are burning, same as your chest, as you slam your car door shut, throwing your bag into the back with little care as a sob bubbles out. 

-

“Whoa, the tension is high in here.” Ben jokes. 

Your throat grows tight at the sandy-haired boy, the shiny ring on Sienna’s finger. Bradley steps back, pressing a hand to your shoulder. 

April huffs. “This is what I get for having friends who can hold a grudge like nobody’s business.” 

Sienna laughs lightly, moving to give the girl a hug. The tightness in your throat blossoms into your chest as Sienna’s vision pivots to you. 

She says your name softly, offering you a smile. “Would it be wrong to give you a hug?” 

“Twenty years no apology from you and you want a hug.” 

Your voice crackles somewhere along the way as you cross your arms, hoping to protect yourself from her. 

“Don’t tell me you're still mad about that.” Ben says. 

“How could I not be? My best friend fucked my boyfriend while one of the people who raised me was lying in a hospital bed dying of cancer.” 

“Well, if you aren’t gonna put out sweetheart, you shouldn’t be surprised I found it somewhere else.” 

Your body fully recoils at Ben’s words, disgust ripping through you. 

“Fuck you. You have no idea what I’ve been through, how badly what you did fucked me up. I did not deserve that.” You say emphatically, tears tracking down your face. You wipe at them to little avail, before straightening up. “Fuck this, I’m a fucking one percent Navy pilot, I don’t deserve this-” 

“I mean, don’t you?” 

It all goes silent in the room as everyone looks at Paige. 

“I mean, it’s not exactly like the Navy’s fond of you. There’s a reason why your old team hated you so.” She says, a coy smile playing on her lips. “There’s a reason why that all played out the way it did. You’re no victim in all this, sweetheart.” 

“Paige, shut up.” Bradley’s words are sharp. “Don’t you dare talk about her like that. You know nothing.” 

She smirks. “I’d bargain I know a hell of a lot more than you do. And I’m sure that we’ll be able to talk about all of that, when you realize what the rest of us do that this won’t last-” 

“Okay, wait, that’s enough-” April intervenes, but it’s too late, you already shouldering past the people in the house. 

You’re trying to gulp for air when you finally make it outside, fighting off the sobs. 

Bradley’s only a few steps behind you, offering hurried apologies. You shake your head, desperately swallowing around the lump in your throat. 

“Please just take me home Bradley.” 

-

You’re unable to stop the flow of tears as you dial the number scrawled out in Ice’s handwriting on the scrap piece of paper. 

Ice had tracked down a number for “emergency purposes” though you aren't sure how. Still, now though, it didn’t matter as you sink to the floor of Ice’s study, unable to take it anymore. 

You hear the line come alive and a muffled, groggy “Hello?”, a voice you never thought you’d hear again. 

“Bradley.” You whimper. “I want you to come home. Please come home. I don’t want to fight any more. No one is gonna win here. Please, please, please God, please just come home.” 

You hiccup as your sobs catch up to you and you think you can hear him let out a breath from the other side. 

“Please B, I’m so sorry for whatever it is I did, please you have to believe me. Plea-”

The line goes dead.

-

“Why are you people always in my house?” 

Fanboy turns, grinning at you as he clutches the spatula. Bob is next to him, stirring something on the stove. Your eyes flash over to Javy, who’s sitting at the kitchen table. 

“You know when I gave you a key, this is not what I intended.” 

“We’re making you breakfast, at least try to be grateful.”

You roll your eyes, giving him a look before joining him at the kitchen table. 

“So how was the party last night?” Bob asks, wiping his hands on a dish towel.

You make a displeased sound in your throat, shaking your head. “Awful.”

“What happened?” 

“Just… stupid shit. A bunch of kids from my high school were there, including these two Navy brats I grew up with and one of them said something kind of fucked.” 

“What’d they say?” Bob asks curiously. 

“Just something to the extent that I deserved what I got from my old team.” 

Bob shakes his head while Fanboy pulls a face. 

“Where do you keep finding these people?” Javy asks incredulously. 

“They’re Bradley’s friends.” You say with a shrug, watching Bob and Fanboy turning back to the stove. 

You realize belatedly they’re making eggs benedict, a favorite of yours. 

“What did they say?” Javy asks, his voice a little lower. 

You shake your head, signaling to him that you don’t want to talk about it. You chew your lip for a few minutes before you lower your voice, watching Bob and Fanboy carefully. 

“I did some digging last night on the girl who said that, where she’d been stationed where she might have heard about that.” Out of the corner of your eye, you can see Javy nod, showing you that he’s listening. “Her brother has always worked as an engineer, followed in their Dad’s footsteps, but she went a different route and worked in communications.” You swallow, looking at Javy. “She was there, on that aircraft carrier when we went down. She knew what they did.” You all but whisper as the pieces fall into place on his face. “It’s all still following me.”

-

The dinky little cell he’d gotten when moved out to UVA buzzed against his cheek. He blinks a few times, barely lifting his head up from the pillow to glance at the screen. 

He didn’t recognize the number, but he knew the 619 area code meant it was a San Diego number. 

He felt a tug in his gut against his better judgment and answered the phone. 

“Hello?”

“Bradley.” She whimpers. “I want you to come home. Please come home. I don’t want to fight any more. No one is gonna win here. Please, please, please God, please just come home.” 

Please don’t cry, he thinks. Please don’t cry, because if you cry, I’ll cry-

She hiccups from the other line and his chest begins to ache. 

He lets out a breath, mind whirring as he searches for something to say to her to make it all better. 

“Please B, I’m so sorry for whatever it is I did, please you have to believe me. Plea-”

And then he remembers.

His fingers move before his heart realizes it, ending the call. 

The screen goes dark as he slumps back against his pillows.

-

You hear the Bronco before you see it and you hear Bradley before you see him. 

You’re standing in the kitchen, cleaning up the dishes from breakfast, the boys long gone. 

You pause in your movements, as you wait for Bradley to say something, but he doesn’t. 

“B?” You toss out cautiously, setting the soapy sponge down. “Is that you?” 

He appears in the kitchen a moment later, looking haggard, though you can’t say that you probably fare much better at the moment. 

“I’m so sorry.” He whispers hoarsely. “So sorry.” 

Your eyebrows furrow as you wipe your hands off on a dishtowel, walking over to him. 

“What? What are you sorry for?” 

“I’m sorry that I hung up on you that night. You were in so much pain and I- I had no idea how awful they were to you. I had no idea what they had been saying and- and- and- here you were asking for help and I just ignored you. I was being selfish and I-” 

“Bradley.” You whisper, reaching out for him. “What- Where is any of this even coming from? I’m not angry at you for that any more, you know that.” 

“But I’m angry at me. And you should be too. What I did was fucked up and you just forgave me-” 

“I did not forgive you overnight, you know that.” Your eyes search his, finally deciding to take his hand and intertwine your fingers. “B, I’m- I’m kind of lost. Where is any of this coming from?” 

He heaves, his chest shuddering. “April called me this morning. Apologized profusely for how last night went, that she knew better than to stick you in that room with those people, that she should’ve known how badly they hurt you. But I didn’t- I didn’t know about them-” His breath keeps catching on his words and your concern grows. “I didn’t know about them showing up at your senior night.” He finally lets out in a hushed whisper. “I didn’t know.” 

Your face falls as you squeeze his hand. “Let’s- let’s go sit on the couch.” 

Bradley nods and you follow him out to the living room. He wipes at his eyes before sitting on the couch, you following behind him. 

“I didn’t know what Andrew said. I had no idea they’d shown up there to taunt you. I- I- I- never would have let them get away with saying it.” 

“They weren’t the only ones saying it.” You whisper. “Bradley, they just repeated what the whole school was.” 

“And it was all my fault-” 

“Bradley.” You say sternly. “I’m not going to sit here and say you don’t carry some responsibility in how it all played out. But I forgave you for all that. Neither of us were kind to each other in those years, you have to know that. I carry just as much responsibility as you do. And you’ve apologized, recognized that you hurt me. I’m not mad anymore.” 

“So you can forgive me, but not them?” 

“For the record, none of them except Morgan has ever offered me an apology. So I don’t know why I'd forgive them for things they aren't sorry for. Second of all, they have done and said things to me that you would never dream of doing and that’s what sets you apart. And yeah, maybe they’re right that I do know how to hold a grudge. I know that I hold what Ben and Sienna did to me a little too close to my heart, that them turning their backs on me cut deep. But I don’t hold that against you.” 

Your fingers rest in Bradley’s curls as he sniffs. “I should’ve been there-” 

“You’re here now. That’s what matters to me.” You take his hand again with your free one, gently kissing his knuckles as you do so. “I love you.” 

His eyes water before he swallows, his adam's apple bobbing. “I love you too.” 

You smile softly at him, pressing another kiss to his hand. “I know.” 

The two of you sit there for a few minutes before you sigh. “Fanboy and Bob broke into my house to make eggs benedict this morning and there’s some leftovers I just put in the fridge. I can warm you up some if you haven’t eaten yet-” 

“I don’t want you to think that we aren’t going to last.” 

You pause, halfway up from the couch. “What?” 

“What Paige said last night. That they think we aren’t going to last. I don’t think that and I don’t want you to think that either.” 

You falter, sitting back down on the couch. “I-” 

“It was bullshit and it’s not what I believe. I want us to last, more than anything else in this whole world. I know it’s only been just over a year but-” Bradley takes a shuddering breath. You’re my best friend in the whole world. I want you as long as you want me here and I know we’ve had our shit over the last year, we’ve had our fights and our people from the past but I don’t care about any of that as long as it’s you and me.” 

“It’s always gonna be you and me.” You pause before sighing dramatically. “Well, maybe you, me, and a dog. If that’s okay.” 

The corners of his lips twitch upwards, giving you a ghost of a smile. “Perhaps.”

[mamirhodessxox]

Hey There Delilah pt 12

Cody Rhodes x Fem Reader!OC (Delilah Jones)

Storyline: Delilah was born and raised by the beach in L.A and grew up in a home where her parents expected her to go to Harvard & become a well known woman who marry’s a man who is a lawyer after high school. But that’s not what she wanted, She always wanted to own a boutique/flower shop & she did, once her parents discovered she wouldn’t attend college they left her to fend for herself but allowed her little sister Kinsley to visit or sleep over whenever, Her little sister always had an eye for WWE but Delilah never understood why but little did either of them know one of Delilah’s customers would become well acquainted. (Creds to @alyyaanna for helping me w the storyline)

Contents: Toxic parents, Angst, Fluff, Smut in later chapters, Based in May 2024, Alcohol, Violence, Corruption Kink, Size Kink, Daddy Kink, Crying Kink, Hand Kink, Praise Kink, Fingering, Smutty smut, Mentions of a Custody Battle.

🏷️ list: @alyyaanna @ginswife @coolpastelartshoe @greatkoalawizard @cokolin044 @kotoriarlert @alicerosejensen @bunnybot55 @adollonyourshelf @mini-rhodes @southerngirl41 @harmshake @femdisa @kabloswrld @claymoresofinfamy23

{~I'm very serious with you guys interacting with my writing!!!! it would make me so happy & excited, the more comments & reposts the more inspiration i have to write :) likes and comments are strongly appreciated so please COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT COMMEENNTTT the more comments the more content <3!!!~}

For most of April things went amazingly smooth, Cody won his first ever Wrestle Mania Championship, Kinsley had a girls soccer game and won with the graces of Mira, It was finally May, it was Kinsley’s last week of school and then the summer would start off with Cody & Delilah’s wedding.

Delilah sat in the principals office with Cody at her old girls only k-12 school she attended for the early years of elementary and middle school, This is where Kinsley was also attending, why are they at the principals office you may ask? “Mrs Jon-“ “Rhodes.” Cody coughed out and snickered when Lilah nudged his knee “Mrs Rhodes…I haven’t seen you since your graduation, I’m pleased to see you, as I know your little sister is attending this school I had high expectations of her given the fact she is related to you, but I suppose not..” Delilah raised a brow and turned to look at Cody but he placed a hand on her stomach “Lilah n-“ Delilah shook her head patting his shoulder as a way of telling him to let her say her peace “Who are you addressing right now? I’ll have you know Kinsley is a goddamn genius compared to half of the kids in this school. She has all A’s and a damn good soccer player so what the hell could she have done to be spoken about like this?” The principal sighed removing his glasses “Kinsley fought another student, she claims this girl has been bullying her and hit her first so she fought back but you know we don’t tolerate violence.”

“So why is she being punished and not the other girl bullying her?” Cody questioned with a confused expression “Well Sir, She uhm..Before she began fighting the little girl it was confirmed that she told her and I quote ‘I’m gonna RKO your pasty ass’ and you know we just can’t tolerate tha-“ Lilah snorted and covered her mouth followed by Cody as he cleared his throat “She’s a um..a big wrestling fan.” The room went silent & eventually Kinsley was requested to come into the office “That teaches her violence Mr Rhodes we suggest you control what she wat-“She’s doing perfectly fine thank you. She hasn’t ever been violent unless it comes to self defense & second off, You do realize the man you are addressing right now IS in wwe correct? She looks up to him & watches him 24/7 just to be his biggest supporter”Delilah chirped back in trying to keep herself calm for her & the baby’s health & decided to take the suspension papers that laid on the desk & sign away “Well maybe his career choice in life has taken an impact and influence on he-“

“Okay so she got in a fight with a bully..did you win?” Kinsley nodded while the principal glared “Mr Rhodes that is a very inappropriate question.” The blonde shrugged and looked over at his Fiancé who was busy signing off suspension papers “So what? She got bullied, whoever the little asshole was hit her first so she fought back. It’s called self defense, back in my day we handled conflict with beating the hell out of each other.” The principle let out a sigh while Delilah pushed the papers aside “Look we know Kinsley may have gotten viol-“ Cody interrupted “Kinsley is justified. And I know this is the same school Delilah went too which means I know someone who went here as well and boy does she have a large track record of being a pain in your guy’s ass”

The principle raised an eyebrow as he had a puzzled face expression before the doors opened making him quickly realize Cody & Delilah came with backup “I knew I’d see your old wrinkly ass again one day.” Mira spoke as she walked in with Randy before making Cody get up out of a seat so she could sit down while Kinsley just stood awkwardly “Look I can just take the suspen-“ Mira shot her a look “Let me handle it.” The elderly man stared at the 4 sitting in his office and shook his head “Ms Mirabella, This does not concern y-“ “It absolutely does. I don’t understand how you let a bully freely go back to class but your screwing over Kinsleys education by suspending her for SELF DEFENSE.”

“That is because she should have reported it to a tea-“ “Bullshit.” Delilah, Randy, Cody & Mira spoke in unison before Randy took the lead “Your going to suspend the one who has been bullying Kinsley & your going to do it immediately.” Delilah got involved again and spoke with a serious tone, Mira nodded in agreement and spoke up once mode “I would suggest this happens after we leave this nasty ass office otherwise I will key your car again like before & smash your windows in? Got it? Awesome, cool, Let’s go.”

Delilah smiled politely & gently scooted a sticky note to the older principle which showed to be a doodle of a middle finger that she made with all of the time she had while Mira and Randy come to Kinsley’s defense.

“I think we did really good in there what about you!” Cody held up a high-five in Mira’s direction making her glare “Get your hand away from my face before I end the chances of you having anymore children.” She spoke blandly before turning to Kinsley “Did you win?” The little girl stood in silence before nodding “Good girl. Maybe when we get you home you can beat Cody’s ass.” Delilah placed her hands against her stomach “Mira..n-” “Oh my god what he could teach her self defense or something and she can beat him up” Cody scratched his neck “I’d rather not get my ass beat by a child.” Mira grabbed a clump of dirt once they made it outside of the school “Nobody asked you.” She spoke before throwing the dirt at his head.

Cody signed and turned to Delilah & smiled at her as he admired her beauty until she walked closer towards him and swiped the dirt off of him & smiled “You’re gonna have to take a shower when we get back home.” He hummed in agreement “Are you gonna help me get washed up?” She smiled and kissed his cheek “Nope. I have bridal duties to take care of” he chuckled “Do these bridal duties include you going to target when I’m not paying attention so you could buy 10000 more baby clothes?” Mira turned around after speaking with Randy & watched the couple and smiled to herself as she saw the glimmer in Delilahs eyes everytime Cody brought up the word “baby”

Two days later they all agreed on having a bachelor & bachelorette party together instead of separately since they both wouldn’t function without each other. It was a small party at the flower & boutique shop, miraculously made her famous fruit crepes, Randy grilled some steak since the shop was still in front of the beach. Kinsley was running around with Seth playing tag, but Cody & Delilah snuck off walking around in the sand hand in hand “What’s on your mind love?” Cody blurted out after noticing her calm silence “just reminiscing” she smiled and stopped walking just to wrap herself around his embrace “Your just the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen” Cody grinned ear to ear before pulling her in for a kiss & mumbling against her lips “I have a surprise for you after our wedding” Delilah tilted her head and smiled “I don’t need any surprises marrying you is already enough”

May 10th 2018

Delilah and Mira were at an after party for their recent high-school graduation, Lilah had a few drinks along with Mira and the two partied for hours.

Throughout the night they would go up and dance or drink but now all they wanted to do was relax, so they did, they found a guest bedroom and sat talking about life and their parents

“What do you want your wedding to be like lils?”

Delilah smiled at the thought “Well, I always wanted my wedding held in a floral garden with a gazebo to get married in during the reception, I want a white dress with a corset top and the ends of the dress shades with a light pink with fake pink roses sewn into it and the veil that covers my face..the groom will choose whatever cake he wants, I want the wedding song for when I walk down the isle as Paris, Texas by Lana Del Rey, a-and I walk kinsley to be the flower girl and if they are well bonded I want my husband to have a dance with her..the colors need to be white and light shades of floral colors when it comes to decorations”

Mira smiled and knew Delilah was set and stone for this whenever she gets married

“I believe that whoever my husband is, God brought him to me, because I pray that when I find that man he & Kinsley will be two peas in a pod. What do you want for your wedding?”

Mira sat & thought before smiling to herself “I don’t know, I guess I never really thought about it, maybe something like a beach wedding, like tropical-ish, I would want the kiss to fall at a sunset type of thing after the vows, I want a white thin mermaid wedding dress with a slit on the side of my thigh, I’d want my cake to be vanilla but with some sort of fruity icing in the middles y’know?”

Delilah smiled and held her best-friend’s hand “I’ll make it happen Mira.”

3 Weeks Later, May 25th, Present time

Delilah stood in the dressing room staring at herself in the mirror as Mira helped tie the white floral print corset that was attached to the wedding dress that had the pink ombre at the bottom with pink roses sewn into it, Mira decided not to make it too tight, she smiled as she pulled her hair back a bit before placing the veil with pink roses that were also sewn in, Mira felt a tear drop onto her cheek as she saw her bestfriend in the full look

“Cody is a lucky man Delilah.” Mira spoke Lilah smiled and turned around to face her bestfriend that would be officiating the wedding between Cody & Delilah

“Thank You, Mira, for making my dreams come true and just being here for me, You’ve been my best-friend for so many years, because you’ve done so much for me I have a surprise for you later tonight, It’s my turn to make your dreams come true.” Delilah smiled along with Mira before pulling her in for a hug “You’re like my sister Delilah. Y’know I’d do anything for you.”

An hour later 30 minutes before the reception started Delilah pulled Randy in a private area to discuss his relationship with Mira.

“How long have you two been dating?” Randy sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets “since the cabin vacation, I-I really love Mira I just don’t know how to show i-“ “then learn Randy, she would drop everything to do anything for or with you and you know it”

Randy nodded and fiddled with something in his pocket “I want to uhm..Marry her lilah, I have the ring with me everyday but I’m just- I’m scared shitless.” Delilah smiled “I’m aware, I won’t tell you how I know but I will tell you how you’ll propose..”

Meanwhile Randy & Delilah plotted, Mira stood in Cody’s dressing room and helped him adjust the tie on his suit and do any double takes “Aside of me fuckin’ with you I just want to say you’re actually pretty cool, thank you for coming into Delilah & Kinsey’s life” Cody grinned and gave her a hug “Of course, Thank you for helping me with the proposal, the wedding, everything. You’re amazing Mira, I wouldn’t be getting married if it weren’t for your help.” The two smiled and hugged.

Once it was time Randy walked Delilah down the isle as the soft harmony of Paris, Texas by lana del ray surrounded everyone’s ears, kinsley followed behind her gently tossing flower petals as many butterflies flew through until Delilah & Cody were face to face as Mira spoke up

“Welcome family, friends and loved ones. We are gathered today to celebrate the union of Cody and Delilah, We are all here to support this commitment of love and to share the joy of one another and the love as they choose to spend their lives together. Cody and Delilah your marriage will be a lifelong promise to love, respect, trust and honor each other through the good, the bad and the unexpected. This union represents your commitment to support one another as individual beings but share your joys, sorrows, and dreams as one. Today, you gain an equal partner that will be your confidant, your defender and your motivator through all of your aspirations and goals. You will celebrate each accomplishment, provide peace through every setback and most importantly, give love in life’s both big and little moments. If you two have any vows to say please share them now.”

Cody cleared his throat as he gently held Delilah’s hand while he stared at her through the veil that covered her face, “Delilah, When i first met you in the flower shop something told me that I needed to keep visiting that shop, and after I got to know you more I then realized I needed you in my life, I knew immediately we would have a story to build together along with a future, I’m more than grateful that you & Kinsley were brought into my life. I love you to the moon and saturn.”

Delilah smiled ear to ear at his loving words before taking a deep breath “Cody when you met me I was in the most difficult place of my life, and so soon you were already willing to help me and guide me through every curve and bump on the road but You have been so impactful for Kinsley & I, you showed me that love is the most magical thing in the world, You treat Kinsley as if she was yours & you give her a safe place to express herself, after weeks of talking I just knew you would be my husband one day, And I am so grateful to say that my dream came true & I get to call myself your wife today.”

Mira smiled as she wiped the tears off her face “Cody I now ask that you repeat after me, I Cody take you Delilah as you are, I promise from this day forward to love and treasure you for the rest of my life, to be your rock when things get tough, to be your number one fan in all of your accomplishments, to be grateful for all that you are and for choosing to spend the rest of your journey with me, to be patient and kind, to build a safe and loving home with you, to fill your days with laughter, to inspire you to pursue your dreams, to be faithful, to grow old with you and live a fulfilled life. This I promise you.

Cody grinned and tightened his Grip on her hands “I Cody take you Delilah as you are, I promise from this day forward to love and treasure you for the rest of my life, to be your rock when things get tough, to be your number one fan in all of your accomplishments, to be grateful for all that you are and for choosing to spend the rest of your journey with me, to be patient and kind, to build a safe and loving home with you, to fill your days with laughter, to inspire you to pursue your dreams, to be faithful, to grow old with you and live a fulfilled life. This I promise you.”

“Delilah, please repeat after me.”

Mira repeated the speech as she turned towards her head towards Delilah “I Delilah take you Cody as you are, I promise from this day forward to love and treasure you for the rest of my life, to be your rock when things get tough, to be your number one fan in all of your accomplishments, to be grateful for all that you are and for choosing to spend the rest of your journey with me, to be patient and kind, to build a safe and loving home with you, to fill your days with laughter, to inspire you to pursue your dreams, to be faithful, to grow old with you and live a fulfilled life. This I promise you.”

Delilah smiled widely as soft tears drifted down her cheeks while Cody caressed her hand with his thumb

“I Delilah take you Cody as you are, I promise from this day forward to love and treasure you for the rest of my life, to be your rock when things get tough, to be your number one fan in all of your accomplishments, to be grateful for all that you are and for choosing to spend the rest of your journey with me, to be patient and kind, to build a safe and loving home with you, to fill your days with laughter, to inspire you to pursue your dreams, to be faithful, to grow old with you and live a fulfilled life. This I promise you.”

Mira sighed out in relief and nodded her head as Seth pulled out the wedding rings and handed them too her

Cosy take this ring and place it on Delilah’s finger. Repeat after me:

Delilah I give you this ring as a symbol of the promise I made to you today.”

Cody repeated Mira’s words to delilah and as he placed the ring on her finger he pressed a soft kiss against the ring as Delilah repeated after Mira and placed the ring on his finger.

“Having pledged your love and promise to one another today in front of all of your friends and family and by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.”

Cody immediately pushed the vail over Delilah’s face and pulled her in by the waist as he pressed his lips against hers and stroked her lower back before she pulled away to hold the side of his face as the two let out a cry of happiness

“Congratulations! Friends and family, it is my honor to introduce to you: Mr. and Mrs. Rhodes”

Later that night everyone attended the after party, Delilah gathered everyone around as she spun around to throw the bouquet, the ladies stepped aside as Mira quickly caught it while Cody tosses a small black box towards Randy

Everyone cheered for Mira as she laughed a hit and held the flowers and while she spun around she stopped immediately as she noticed Randy infront of her on his knees holding a small black box revealing a beautiful saphire blue ring “Mira I know that at times I can be a total dick & I know that we tend to bicker a lot but, I love you more than one could imagine babygirl & I want to thank you for showing me your love, your care & your loyalty, Your a drop dead gorgeous woman & you are so charismatic and funny and I love you so fucking much for being the person you are” Mira covered her mouth as she let out a small cry followed with a smile on her face “After months of being with You I slowly realized you were the one I’ll he marrying one day so I ask you now..Will you give me the privilege of making me your husband?” She let out a rushed out “Yes!” Before putting the ring on and hugging him tightly as she pressed kisses all over His face, Cody & Delilah smiled together as they watched the couple infront of them celebrate each other.

Moments later He & Delilah cut the cake & revealed the pregnancy & shared a slow dance together, Delilah eventually pulled Kinsley on the floor as she shared a dance with him & just had fun bouncing around.

Seth approached Delilah from the side lines of the dance floor “Congratulations Delilah, I’m happy for the both of you.” She smiled and pulled him in for a hug “Thank you seth, That means a lot to me.”

For last 30 minutes Delilah & Mira danced with each other, Jey shared his excitement on being an uncle to the baby. Cody admired his wife

Many hours into the party Delilah stood on a balcony as she admired the flowers and sunset before realizing Cody was approaching her with a smile “Hi gorgeous.” She hummed softly and wrapped her arms around him as the wind caused her dress to start flowing “Hi handsome” Cody smiled as his fingers dragged through her subtle curls before pressing a kiss against her lips and holding her close.

“I love you to the moon and beyond Delilah.”

Manirhodessxox’s Masterlist

[khaleesiofalicante]

Ah, here we are! 

This is your mandatory post about my new fic and next fic ‘L’appel Du Vide’ (LDV) - also known as the mavid rwrb au. As usual, I thought I’d share some info about the fic so you guys know what you’re getting yourselves into. So, here you go. 

Is this fic based on the Red, White, and Royal Blue movie or book?

I’d say both. But it’s primarily based on the book because I like the book better and there is more material for me to work with. 

2. Do I need to watch the movie/read the book to read LDV?

Not at all. If you’ve not read/watched rwrb, you don’t have to. It won’t affect your reading experience, I promise.

3. Does the fic have the same plot as rwrb?

Yes and no. This fic is an adaptation because I have to change the story to fit my characters. For example, Max is not going to have a bi-crisis like Alex did and David’s backstory is different because god knows Albert ain’t no Arthur Fox! So, the characterization and flow are quite different. But since it’s based on rwrb, many of the ‘key scenes’ are there - but they’re just adjusted and changed to fit my characters. 

4. How many chapters and whose POV is it from?

Similar to the books, the fic will be from a single POV - Max’s. But I will include a David chappy because we haven’t gotten his POV in so long and I’m mad about it. There are 20 chapters in total - this might change slightly if I decided to experiment with the outline. 

5. Is it true this fic has smut? 👀

Apparently so 👀 Look. It’s in the outline. I intend to write it. But this is my first time writing smut and some of you know I struggle with it and am self-conscious about it. I also find it weird to write sex scenes about people I know (I KNOW MAVID OKAY?). But this is a writing challenge and one I’m willing to explore. So, let’s see how it goes. Max and David’s relationship begins as a sexual one as it does in the rwrb book. So, there will definitely be sex scenes for sure. I just don’t know how smutty or explicit it will be. Y’all know I hate saying erection! And trust me, there will be many erections in this story. 

6. What’s the posting schedule?

Ah. This is the tricky part. I’ve decided to do a weekly posting schedule for this fic. In other words, one chapter per week. I’m going to be a bit busy in April and May. So, I know I won’t be able to commit to two chapters a week. I might try to whenever I can. But I’m setting one chapter a week as the target. 

Are you excited to write it?

Very much so! The last few fics I’ve written (TLND, IALS, FMF, LBAF) have been very heavy - both in plot, themes and writing. Even the posting schedule was so intense. While there are definitely heavy themes in LVD, I see this fic as more of a rom-com. So, I think it’d be fun to write! And I love writing Max pov when he isn’t suffering hehe. I really want this fic to be a fun one!  

A gentle reminder that this is not a malec fic, so please do not ask me for their povs or scenes or try to make this fic about them. I’ve seen that happen with my other mavid fics and so I hope it won’t be the case for this one. 

Finally, a quick shoutout to @gospi and @ladyoflilies who have been bullying me and supporting me behind the scenes to write this fic and have been excited as as I am. 

The first chapter will drop tomorrow (it’s already written and was written months ago!). Until then, here are some (theme) songs for you to listen to. See you tomorrow! 

[mooncalfe-art]

I’m on issue 104 and trying so hard to catch up before 150!!! I just wanted to say I absolutely love your work so far and everything I’ve seen even if I haven’t read it yet. Jennika and Leo are my fav turtle’s and I just love how you draw and write them.

Do you think Casey will ever develop a romance with someone (if he hasn’t already) or that him and April may get back together? I loved them earlier in the series and was just wondering!

Also do you have any tips for drawing the turtles? It never seems to come out right for me!

Thank you and I’m so excited to continue reading!!!!

Thank you so much! <3 That's one of my main regrets about my run, that I didn't get to do much with Casey. He's one of my favorite characters and I had a big arc planned for him but it kept falling by the wayside. I wasn't going to have he and April get back together but they were going to have a drunken one-night-stand at one point, the following morning Casey thinks they're back together, April says no we were both drunk and it was a one-time thing, and Casey has a meltdown and leaves the city to get sober, and Raph eventually heads out to search for him. There was going to be a long cross-country storyline with Casey having adventures in the midwest trying to "find himself" while Raph is searching for him, Casey would meet a scrappy street kid named Shadow and her mom Gabrielle, etc. Suffice to say almost none of it came together for various reasons. :(

I don't know if I have any tips for drawing the Turtles, I've been drawing them since I was a kid and I still struggle with it sometimes! Everyone has their own vision for what the Turtles should look like, so that's the first thing you need to do, figure out what YOUR vision is and go from there.

Hope you like the rest of my run on the series!!! :D

[steviewashere]

I don't want to wait until WIP Wednesday, so here's the first journal entry in my Steddie Vecna Apocalypse AU. Just so you know, the piece is a 5+1, five journal entries from during the apocalypse and one that's an epilogue. There are non-first person POV scenes following each entry. So, no, this is not a first person POV fic. <3

CW: Possible Non-Canon Character Death, Mention of Prescribed Medications

————— April 16th, 1986

I don’t know what I’m doing with this. I’m not much for writing. Fuck, I couldn’t even write an essay for my senior paper. Nancy had to coach me through eighty percent of it. But I’ll go insane if I don’t speak. And I’m being careful with my voice for now. Those demogorgon things are blind, but aware. They can sense the heat of our bodies, the sounds of our movement, the smell of our fear and our blood.

Many people I’ve had to rescue have ultimately faded into nothing. They scream and they cry and they shake. They get too close, they stray too far. They reek of sweat. Even though I tried to get them away, to get them back towards the safe houses, they weren’t savable. I tried, though. Believe me, please, I tried.

Hawkins may not be salvageable. I don’t think this town is meant for saving. We try anyway. There’s the safe houses, like I mentioned. One bordering the exit sign, that’s where they put the women and children. They being the feds, by the way. Didn’t make that clear, should do that by now. Anyway. There’s the safe house across from old Forest Hills; the victims from the sinkhole crevice tearing through the trailer park go there. And then the final safe house is Hawkins High.

Our group is between Hopper’s cabin and my house. Everybody is safe there. Eddie’s no longer in hiding, but he still sleeps down the hall from me. Max is out of the hospital, her old bed now taken up by an elderly woman; the woman will probably die—a demogorgon got her with its claws—and Max is with El. The Wheelers are with their parents in the exit sign safe house, same with Henderson and his mom, the Sinclairs are there, too, and Mrs. Hargrove. Jon and Will are here with Hopper, El, Max, and Joyce. I wish we could take Max back to her mother, but she’s under constant supervision—El believes her newfound blindness is connected to Vecna. Wayne is no longer at the high school, he’s been forcefully relocated to old Forest Hills, but he’s welcome around here any time. Robin’s with her parents at the high school; that’s where Vickie is, so that’s where she’ll be.

I haven’t seen my parents since before the earthquake. They were out of town on a business trip. Mom went with Dad because she still doesn’t trust him alone. They called me the day Dustin brought me along to find Eddie. Told me they were on their way home, were driving back from the airport. I can hear back the message on the answering machine, as long as I keep the generator up and running.

Mom told me she loves me in it.

I can't help but think that they should’ve been back by now. I’ve checked with the soldiers on the edge, see if they saw a black Lincoln come through. Told me no. Told me they found remains of a car; a black car. I stopped checking after that. Couldn’t stomach the meaning behind that.

Our town is in ruin. I’m not alone, I have to remind myself. I’ll go out on monster hunting duty tonight, first time on my own. We’ll see how that goes.

I have to go, I can hear Eddie rousing. Time to check his wounds. Make sure he has his dose of antibiotics. See if he needs Tylenol; opioid free now…yay!

————— I'm really excited to finish and publish this at some point. Let me know what y'all think <3

[prettyinlimegreenboots]

Taking Comfort (In Your Arms) - Chapter 15

April 25, 1944, 0730 Hours

Standing outside the hut, she bounced a tennis ball, to the excitement of Meatball. Throwing it, she watched Meatball tear off down the open space, eagerly chasing it. She tilted her head back, enjoying the sunshine and light breeze. Tugging Bucky’s jacket tighter around her, she smiled, seeing Rosie make his way across the field with two mugs of coffee in his hands. 

“Morning, sunshine.” He called as he got closer to her, the same time Meatball returned, panting loudly, dropping the ball at her feet. 

Picking up the ball, she threw it again, watching him chase it before accepting the mug of coffee, taking a sip, sighing. “Morning, Rosie. Thanks for this.” 

“You’re welcome. Didn’t think you had an opportunity to grab a cup yet. Boys said they hadn’t seen you at the mess hall yet.” Rosie raised an eyebrow in concern, taking a sip of his coffee. 

Groaning, she shook her head. “No, not yet. Meatball and I had a cuddle this morning after he woke me up with a lick to the face. We’ve been out here for about 10 minutes, I was hoping to tire him out a bit before I headed to grab food.” 

“Busy day?” He asked, smiling watching the dog bring the ball back faithfully. He stepped forward, grabbing the ball and chucking it away. 

Taking another sip, she tried to think of what was on her calendar. “Not sure . . . I know there’s a meeting later this afternoon before Chick heads to London but I’m hoping not. Didn’t get much sleep last night.” 

“Everything okay?” 

She watched Meatball flop to the ground a few feet away from them, obviously worn out from chasing the ball so many times. She shrugged, feeling uneasy since hearing of Elizabeth’s capture. Charlie nor her dad had any news on where her sister was. “No, Elizabeth has been on my mind these last few days and not knowing where she is sucks.” 

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Rosie asked, tugging her closer to him, careful of the cup of coffee, into a half hug. Looping her free arm around his waist, she shook her head, sighing. 

“Have Crosby get some news about her - that’s all I want right now.” Her voice was quiet, Rosie tightening his arm around her. 

He sighed. “You know if I had that kind of power, I’d do it in an instant. Any news from Bucky or Buck?” 

“I haven’t gotten a letter from them in a while. Hoping I get something today.” She bit her lip. “I should go get breakfast before I need to report to the office.” 

He nodded, leading her towards the mess hut. She slapped her thigh, watching as Meatball trotted alongside them as they entered the hut. Most of the tables were full as she followed Rosie to an empty one near the back. Taking a seat, she heard Meatball settle behind her as a waiter came up to the table with a grin. “More coffee, Captain?” 

“And two plates when you get a chance.” She smiled, setting her mug on the table as he filled it up. Looking across the table at Rosie, she half smiled. “What’s your day like today? Maneuvers?” 

“Training - there’s maneuvers later on this afternoon but training this morning, though I’m sure the boys will be antsy due to the warmer weather.” Rosie took a deep sip of his coffee as the waiter returned with two plates, much to the delight of the two at the table. 

Both eagerly dug in, silence descended on the table. As she ate, Addie’s eyes swept over the mess hall, smiling around her fork when she heard a cacophony of sound come from near the door. “Any idea what that’s all about?” 

“You would have more insight than I would, Rosie.” She gave him a look, grinning. “I see some of your men up there making that noise. I’m sure you’ll hear all about it before training.” 

Rosie shook his head, smirking. “If it’s anything interesting, I’ll let you know.” 

Mock saluting him, she continued to eat. She kept her head down, turning everything else out, until Rosie’s knuckles rapped on the table, catching her attention. She looked up at him before he pointed behind her, eyes slightly widened. Turning completely in her chair, she watched Crosby walk down the mess hall, determined and on a mission. “Addie, I’ve been looking for you.” 

She watched him stop at the table, taking several deep breaths trying to catch his breath. “What is it Crosby?” 

He tried calming his breath, instead handing her a piece of paper. Not waiting, she quickly opened it, tears immediately rimming her eyes as she took in the words. “Are you serious? You’re not joking?” 

Crosby quickly shook his head. “Just got the call about 5 minutes ago - I would never joke about this.” 

Reaching across the table, Rosie nudged Addie’s hand, giving her a look. “What is it? What’s got you in tears, Addie?” 

“This says that Elizabeth is in the Stalag with Bucky and Buck.” Sitting back in her chair, she wiped her eyes with her fingers before rereading the piece of paper again. “She’s safe, at least she was.”

Rosie’s eyes lit up. “That’s fantastic news Addie! That’s the news you’ve been hoping for and now she’s safe in the same place with Bucky and Buck.” 

Nodding, she sniffled, her heart calming down a bit with that news. “Did you tell Charlie yet?”

“No, I wanted you to know first - figured you could tell him the good news.” Crosby replied, giving her a smile. 

“Thanks, Cros.” 

He squeezed her shoulder. “You’re welcome, Addie - know you’ve been waiting for that news and wanted to get it to you as quickly as possible.” 

Nodding at him, she pushed back from the table. “Thank you both. I’m going to let Charlie know. I’ll see you both later at the club?” 

She waited for their nods before taking her leave. She heard Meatball’s nails clicking on the tile as she made her way out of the hut. Pausing outside, she consulted her watch, seeing it was just before 0830 Hours, trying to figure out where Charlie would be at that hour. Seeing Red hopping down the steps of the tower, she headed that way. “Red!” She called out, causing him to pause and look around for who had shouted his name. 

Shielding his eyes, he smiled seeing Addie make her way across the field with Meatball behind her. “Captain Baker, good morning.” 

“So official, Red.” She smirked, slipping on her aviators before looking at the man. “Have you seen Charlie yet this morning?” 

He chuckled. “Just left him in the command center. He was looking at a few maps and muttering to himself - seemed like a good time to slip away.” 

Addie giggled. “Thanks Red. Got some news to share with him so I better go see him before he slips away.” 

With a playful salute, she left him standing there before heading into the command center. Throwing open the door, it took her eyes a minute to adjust once her aviators were removed. Just as Red had said, Charlie was standing at the big table with the maps, hands on his hips as he glanced at the vast space. Stepping up beside him, she didn’t want to interrupt, nor scare him, so she stood and watched until he acknowledged her. “Morning, Addie.”

“Morning Charlie. You’re a hard man to track down so early in the morning.” She teased, hip checking him as he chuckled. 

Looking over at his little sister, he shook his head. “I’ve been here for the last 20 minutes or so. How many people did you ask about seeing me before you found me?” 

“Well . . . I just happened to run into Red, but I was torn about going to your hut, your classroom, or here. Red just happened to point me in the right direction.” She admitted as Charlie threw his head back and laughed. 

Shaking his head, he abandoned the maps to look at his sister. “Gotta keep you on your toes, Addie. So, you found me. What’s up?” 

“Crosby got word that Elizabeth’s in the same Stalag as Bucky and Buck.” She said, handing over the crinkled piece of paper for him to read. “He just got the information about 10 minutes ago - tracked me down when I was having breakfast with Rosie.” 

He let out an exhale, shoulder immediately relaxing at the news. “Well, thank goodness she’s relatively safe. I’m sure the boys are looking out for her. Are you okay with this news?” 

“Hate that two people that I love are stuck in a Stalag but at least they’re safe for the moment. Hopefully, the Germans remember the Geneva Convention rules.” She mused, Charlie dragging her into half a hug. 

“You’ve got me and Elizabeth has Bucky - if they don’t kill each other first.” Charlie mused, causing Addie to laugh. 

Shaking her head, she wiped the stray tears that had managed to leak from her eyes as she looked at her older brother. “What’s the likelihood that Elizabeth will slug my boyfriend?” 

“What will she slug him for is the better question? No doubt she’ll slug him - just a matter of how long after she arrives will it happen and for what?” Charlie chuckled. 

A weight had been taken off her shoulders at the news of her sister. Now, she just hoped they would be coming home sooner rather than later. 

Dear Addie,

Hi my beautiful girl. How is Thorpe’s Abbott fairing these days? It was actually sunny today and we spent most of the day outside, enjoying the weather. 

I apologize but I forgot to put this bit of good news into my last letter back to you - Buck is an engaged man. He asked Marge in one of his previous letters and recently heard back that she accepted. We have a wedding to attend after the war is over - wear your prettiest dress and I’ll attempt to find a suit and we’ll dance the night away. I still owe you a few dances if I remember right. 

Elizabeth has become another annoying sister that I didn’t ask for. Though she is useful for more childhood stories, which are keeping us entertained during the days when we cannot escape outside, she still is a pain. Don’t worry, Buck is making sure we’re cordial with each other. 

Wishing this godforsaken war ends soon, just so I can have you in my arms once more. Love you lots, Addie. 

John 

Dear Addie, 

Been at this camp for a month and it’s not so bad, once you look past the awful food and less than stellar showers. The company has been great - I’ve heard some good stories about you at Thorpe’s - my sister’s a little badass. 

I’m keeping an eye on John, just like you asked. There was a day that Buck and I were really worried about him - the quaint quarters aren’t helping. Him and Buck got into it - don’t worry they’re both alive and their spat has mended itself. They’re still best friends. I know that’s not what you want to hear but I think he’s turned a corner and he’s more involved and interacting with the guys. I’m keeping an eye on him and reminding him of what he’s got to stay strong for. In your next letter, can you send him a photo or something? I see him staring at the ones you’ve sent previously and they’re creased with how much he’s held them.  

Tell me something funny, Addie. I need something to keep going . . . I’ve been teaching some classes here - basic first aid, medicine, and anatomy.  I’ve got a few people in each class and it’s been fun to get back into teaching. Also, Brady is teaching a music class and they have a “concert” later this week. They've been working hard on learning songs and Brady seems to really enjoy it. 

Love you, Addie. 

Elizabeth

Dear John, 

Thank you for your last letter. It’s good to hear that sunshine and warmer weather have finally arrived! I’m glad you were able to be outside, instead of cooped up within the barracks. 

I mentioned in my last letter we got a CO. He’s nothing like Huglin or Harding - paving his own path. I like him so far, though we’ll see how he does with these plans we’re going to be enacting shortly. 

The same day I got your letter, I also got one from Elizabeth. Keep an eye on her for me. Is there something going on between her and Brady? She mentioned him, almost fondly in her letter. You need to be my eyes and ears with her as I cannot be there. 

Meatball killed a local farmer’s chicken, so we’ve had to keep him on a very tight leash. He spends his time either in my office or in the classroom with Charlie - he’s become a nuisance and DeMarco needs to come home. Though, I’m telling you now, we’ll need to get a dog when we eventually get married - I’ve grown to love and care for him in your absence. I don’t care what we get, we’ll just need to get one. 

Sending you all my love. 

Addie

Chuckling, Bucky looked up from the letter in his hands as he looked around the room. For once, everyone in the room had gotten some kind of mail, and the room was oddly quiet. Narrowing his eyes, Bucky’s eyes landed on the man across the table from him. Knocking his knuckles on the table, Bucky grinned. “Your dog is a nuisance, according to Addie.” 

“At this point, he’s more her dog than mine but what did he do?” DeMarco asked, folding up the piece of paper and sticking it back in the envelope. 

Flipping over the photo that was included in his letter, Bucky handed it to him grinning. “Apparently, he killed a local farmer’s chicken so he’s on a tight leash, either in Addie’s office or Charlie’s classroom.” 

A chuckle from a few of the boys sounded around the room as DeMarco grinned. “Handsome boy, tell Addie thanks again for keeping an eye on him.” 

“She didn’t have much of an option, if I remember it right.” Bucky smirked, taking the photo back. Addie was standing with Meatball by her side. Her hair was blowing in the breeze as she grinning for the camera. 

DeMarco smiled. “Is she doing well? Addie?” 

“As far as I can tell, yes. She mentioned there’s a new CO and he’s not like Harding or Huglin. She mentioned big plans though she doesn’t go into detail with anything.” Bucky shrugged, the smile falling off his lips. “How’s Josie doing?” 

DeMarco nodded sympathetically. “She’s good. Talked about her cousin’s wedding coming up - her and Addie were heading there in a few weeks, so it could have already happened. She also mentioned plans but obviously didn’t go into them. Just said that work has been busy, longer hours.” 

Bucky was distracted by Buck coming to sit next to him at the table with a strange look on his face. Bucky watched Buck as he reread his letter, looking up at his best friend with a grin on his face. “Did you know Addie has been writing to Marge?” 

“She has?” This was news to Bucky, though he wasn’t surprised as both girls were in similar situations.

Nodding, Buck grinned. “Apparently, she started writing to her once I went down and they’ve formed a friendship, though I don’t know which of us needs to be more afraid of that.” 

“You obviously - Addie can shed some light on your forte at the base.” Bucky teased, knocking a shoulder into Buck’s side. 

Going back to reading his letter, Buck muttered a quiet ‘shut up’ as Bucky looked over at Elizabeth who was chuckling at her letter. “Good news?” 

“Your girlfriend is crazy is what she is.” Elizabeth shook her head. “She took one of the new flyboys up in her Tiger Moth and apparently, scared the crap out of him just to prove a point to him.” 

Laughter broke out while Bucky looked over at her. “What was the point?” 

“He was talking smack about how girls can’t fly planes, especially the big gals. Addie, being Addie, doesn’t like being told that she can’t do something.” Elizabeth smirked. “She confessed that she would’ve taken up a fort, but the boys were on a mission when this all went down so she settled for her Tiger.” 

Bucky grinned brightly, shaking his head. “That’s my girl. Did she mention anything else in your letter?” 

“Just that Meatball is on a very tight leash, and he’s not happy about it. She mentioned that Charlie is thinking about proposing to Anna and has asked Addie help for picking out a ring - though I wasn’t supposed to say anything so if any of you dodos say a word, I’ll knock you all out.” She glared at all of them, and they hastily nodded back. 

Bucky grinned, happy Addie would have a project to distract her while they waited out their time there in the Stalag. Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair as Elizabeth caught his eye. “What’s wrong Bucky?” 

“I feel like I’m missing out on so much by just sitting here. I often find myself thinking about what Addie is doing, who’s she talking to, what she’s doing day to day - she mentions plans but what are those plans?” Bucky’s heart hurt, thinking about Addie on base alone for the most part.

Elizabeth placed her hand on top of his. “Even if you were on base, she couldn't or wouldn't be able to talk about those plans. But at least she hasn’t given up on you - you’re still getting letters, and she’s already agreed to tie herself to you - don’t take that lightly, Egan. Unfortunately, for me, you’re going to be my brother-in-law, but at least you’re a decent one who will treat my baby sister like a Queen, and that’s all I can ask for.”

“Was there a compliment in there somewhere, Elizabeth or just a dig against me?” He cracked a smile, as she laughed loudly. 

Nodding her head, Elizabeth smirked. “I can see where you’re coming from but yes, there was a compliment in there and you will be an alright brother-in-law. Just keep treating my sister like a Queen and we won’t have any issues.” 

“Consider it done, Lizzie.” He quipped back, pushing back from the table to avoid her slugging him from the nickname. 

Growling at him, she glared at him. “What have I told you about calling me Lizzie?” 

“To not to, but it’s such an adorable nickname for you.” Bucky teased her, sticking his tongue out at her as she muttered under her breath. 

“Ahhh family bonding at its finest.” DeMarco quipped, looking between the two with a smirk on his face. 

Elizabeth knocked her knuckles on the table, attempting to gain DeMarco’s attention. “Back on that first day, you and Brady shook hands about something. What were you betting on?” 

DeMarco’s eyes went wide as he gulped. “I was really hoping you wouldn’t have seen that.” 

“I, like the rest of my siblings, were training to be observant. Saw it out of the corner of my eye.” She gave him an exasperated look. “Now what were you two betting on?” 

DeMarco scratched the back of his neck, looking over at Brady who had a big grin on his face. “DeMarco bet me that you’d kick Bucky’s ass before we busted out of here. So far, it hasn’t happened, but I’ve got faith you’ll restrain yourself.” 

DeMarco reached over and slugged Brady’s arm, causing him to yelp as Elizabeth shook her head. “I’m surrounded by a bunch of children. And I can tell you, I probably won’t kick his ass because then Addie will kick mine and she doesn’t fight fair.” 

Dear Addie, 

All I can say is that I’m proud of you. Though, don’t ruffle any feathers by stealing a fort just to prove a point. 

Buck shared with me that you have been writing to Marge - I know you don’t have to do that but I think he appreciates that you do. I know it’s hard on you as there’s not someone who understands what you’re going through and by God, I wish I could wrap my arms around you and comfort you but alas a letter is the only thing i can do right now. 

There’s been talks of moving and marching somewhere new . . . I don’t know if I believe any of the scuttlebutt but it’s rampant around the camp. 

I’ve been attending Elizabeth’s medical lectures . . . she knows her stuff and I’m learning some things. All I know is that I don’t want to do anything medical after the war - I’ll leave the lifesaving to her. 

Thank you for the photo of you and Meatball. It made us smile here, we have to hold onto the little joys and news you send us.  Meatball killing a local farmer’s chicken made us all laugh - hopefully he’s not too disgruntled with you for keeping him on a tight leash. 

Love you lots, my girl, Bluebird. 

Yours, John 

Dear John,

There are moments where I hate that you and Elizabeth are in the same compound - and the news of me knocking a new pilot down a peg or two is one of them. A girl has to have some secrets, you know. Also, Rosie made sure I didn’t pummel him into the ground - though he’s been transferred now so I don’t have to worry about him any longer. 

I’ve been on my best behavior, or at least trying to. Jeffrey is the new CO, and he doesn’t fall for my innocent act much, but I’ve saved his butt a few times with creative reports - I’ll let you decide what that means. 

Things have been relatively quiet around here. Same old, same old - wish I could tell you everything, but I have to remind myself that your hosts read everything before it gets to you.  I hope I can see you soon and tell you everything you’ve missed these last few months. 

Stay strong - I can’t wait to have you back in my arms. To be really honest, the only place I’ve ever felt safe is in your arms and I can’t wait to be back in them. 

Love you, John. 

Adelaide

June 2, 1944, 0900 Hours

“Addie, can you come here?” Jeffrey called from his office as Addie’s eyes went wide. Putting down the paper she was reviewing, she gave Josie a look before heading towards the CO’s office. 

Coming to a stop at the doorway, Addie’s eyes went wide again seeing Kidd, Rosie, Crosby, and Red all standing there looking at her expectantly. “Well come in and shut the door.”

Many thoughts ran through her head as she attempted to figure out what was going on. Crossing her arms over her chest, she looked expectantly at the men. “Did I do something wrong, sir?” 

All five chuckled at her as Red quickly shook his head. “No, nothing that we’re aware of. Unless you’re confessing something?” 

“No sir.” She was quick to deny. “It’s just weird to see you all in one room, outside of a briefing.” 

Jeffrey leaned back in his chair, giving Addie a look. “We’re bringing you into the circle. You’ve been doing the leg work without even knowing it. For the last few weeks, there has been preparation to invade Europe.” 

Her eyes went wide at Jeffrey’s words. “Sir, invasion of Europe?” 

“You heard right, Baker.” Jeffrey looked at her. “Currently, it’s scheduled for June 5, and we need your help.” 

Standing straighter, her eyes trailed between the men before looking back at the CO, slowly nodding. “What do you need me to do?” 

“We need your help with flight plans - Crosby will do the navigation but we need your help. There’s 200 missions and different plans that are needed all before the 5th, which is where you come in.” Jeffrey looked between Crosby and Addie. “Red and Kidd will be overseeing you on this - so any questions, go to them first.” 

Nodding, Addie gave him a look. “What else do I need to know? I’m guessing all of my current work is put on hold?” 

“You are to put everything else on hold and focus on this for the next few days. Utmost importance.” Jeffrey gave her a look. “I don’t think I need to say this, but this is confidential to anyone outside of this room, Addie. No one can know what we’re planning.” 

She agreed. “Yes, sir. When do we begin?” 

“Crosby got started yesterday so go with him and he’ll get you up to speed with what the next steps are.” Jeffrey spoke. “Any questions before I dismiss you?” 

Shaking her head, she smiled. “No sir, just excited to be a part of this, thank you.” 

“Good. Then dismiss Captain Baker.” Jeffrey nodded as she saluted, walking out of the room with Crosby and Red behind her.

Pausing at Josie’s desk, she gave her best friend a look. “I’ve been tapped for a special project that I’m going to be working on these next few days. Don’t worry if we miss each other - my boots are staying firmly on the ground.” 

Josie giggled, shaking her head. “Good to know Addie. Good luck.” 

Nodding, Addie headed out of the tower, not looking behind her as she headed towards the command center. Throwing open the door, she walked through, a woman on a mission until she came to Crosby’s office. Standing in the doorway, she smirked at Crosby and Red, excitement radiating off her. “So, what do we need to do boys?” 

And with that, Crosby explained to her what the next few days would look like. She soon learned that as soon as she had one flight plan mapped out, higher ups were sending down six more to plan. 

She worked long hours - started at 0800 hours until Crosby would end up kicking her out around 2200 hours. Red made sure meals were delivered for the two of them.  She actually felt useful and like she was making a difference, a feeling she hadn’t had since getting released from the ATAs. 

The afternoon of the second day, she tampered down a yawn that was itching to escape her mouth when Crosby stood from his desk. “I’ve got to go see Kidd - are you good or do you need to stretch your legs?” 

“I’m good, Crosby. Want to bring back some coffee when you come back?” She asked, looking up at him.

Nodding, he took his leave as she focused on the map in front of her, planning out the route. Filing the plan, she grabbed the next missions, attempting to figure out where the boys were going and how to get them there safely. 

She heard commotion from the main room, but didn’t think much of it, as she continued mapping out a flight plan to France for the boys to knock out communication stations. Leaning back in her chair, she stretched her back, listening to it crack as she tilted her head back, stretching the muscles. 

Hearing the door open behind her, she continued to stretch, a grin crossing her face. “Took you long enough to get the coffee.” 

“Addie.” Rosie’s voice was full of concern as she whipped around, eyes wide at seeing him standing there. 

“You’re supposed to be on a mission, not here on the ground.” She stood, pushing back her chair hastily as she gave him a look. “What are you doing here and why do you have coffee?” 

Handing her a mug, she took it, giving him an odd look. “Just spit it out Rosie.” 

“Crosby collapsed - Kidd thinks he hasn’t been sleeping, just plowing through.” Rosie’s words hit her, she stumbled, leaning against her desk. 

“Is he okay?” 

“Doc Stover is checking him over now. Kidd thinks he’s been not sleeping when Kidd has kicked him out.” Rosie sighed. “He’s going to be okay, Addie.”

Her eyes went wide at his words. Running a hand down her face, she looked at him as a thought struck her. “Rosie, I can’t plan all these missions by myself - there’s still over 100 to go. I’m going to be the reason this thing is going to utter shit.”

“Addie.” He stood, clutching her arms, looking at her. “Addie, you’re not going to be the reason this fails. You’ve got a day and some hours to get this done and every man is going to be in debt to you for planning these. Jeffrey is pulling two of the other navigators but you’re going to be leading this with Kidd - you’re calling the shots.” 

Groaning, she rolled her neck. “Rosie . . . this is bigger than anything I did with the ATAs. Can I do this?” 

“You have no choice, Addie - you’re going to plan these missions for me and the men so we can start to shut the Germans down. This is the first step, Addie and you’re going to be instrumental in making this happen.” Rosie gave her a half smile. “You can do this and afterwards, you’ll be able to be proud of your unmentionable act within this. You’ll be able to impress Bucky, Buck and all the men with your daring stories after the war.” 

She chuckled, looking over at the man that had become one of her biggest cheerleaders over the last few months. “You make a pretty good hype man, Rosie. But I have one request that I need your help with.” 

“Name it, after this, I don’t think Jeffrey will be able to say no to you.” Rosie chuckled. 

“I want to be in the room when you and Jeffrey tell the boys.” She gave him a look, crossing her arms over her chest, pushing herself to a stand. 

Rosie nodded, holding out a hand for her. “You and the two other navigators complete the missions and file them, then I’ll get you into the room.”

“You’re not going to tell Jeffrey?” Raising an eyebrow, Addie chuckled. “Badass Rosie - didn’t think you had it in you.” 

He threw his head back and laughed loudly. “No, I’m not going to tell Colonel Jeff - I’ll take the heat on this one. Get working, you’ve got a few missions to plan. I’ll bring you dinner in a bit just to make sure you don’t collapse like Croz.” 

“Thanks Rosie. Appreciate it.” She grinned, shaking her head, watching him leave before she got back to work with the plans. 

June 6, 1944, 0500 Hours

Clutching a mug of coffee, she fought a yawn, as she took a sip. She and the other two navigators had done it - all 200 missions were planned and filed. And now her part was done, well almost. 

Sipping her coffee, she watched the men talk and huddle together. She smiled at a few that had caught her eye but kept to her corner in the back, hoping to avoid Jeffrey’s wrath at being where she wasn’t supposed to be. “Are you coming to see your handy work play out?” 

Smiling at Blakely, she quickly covered her yawn as he chuckled. “My reward for getting those plans filed - Rosie said he would sneak me in if we got them done.” 

“When did you finish the last of them?” Blakely asked, leaning back, giving her a look as he sipped his own coffee. 

Turning over her wrist, she looked at the time with a grin. “About an hour and half ago - thankfully those missions won’t be until later tonight but they’re all filed. As soon as the boys are up in the air, I’m going to sleep for as long as possible.” 

“Great job, Addie. Jeffrey’s has been nothing but proud and bragging about you. Heard he was on the phone with your father the other day telling him about the impact you’ve been making.” Blakely smiled, chuckling at her words. “We’re all proud of you, Addie. You’ve done a hell of a job these last few days. You deserve all the sleep you can get.” 

Saluting him, she grinned. “Thank you.” 

She couldn’t say much more because the call for “Ten Hut” came as she watched Jeffrey, Bennett, and Rosie make their way up to the front of the room.  Jeffery made the announcement of Bennett’s transfer before turning it over to Rosie with a smile. 

“Well, boys, if the station on full lockdown, the sound of a couple thousand ships forming up weren’t your first clues, we’re a few hours away from the invasion of Europe.” Rosie stood tall, proud, and with a big grin on his face as he delivered the news.

The room erupted in cheers and excitement at his words. Addie felt the tears well up in her eyes at the sight, hope filled her at the cheers and excitement. She hastily wiped them away as Rosie continued explaining what the plan for the day was. “Navigators, bombardiers, you have a briefing after this with Captain Baker who will fill you in on additional details of your missions.” 

Ten minutes later, Addie was making her way to the hut where her meeting would take place, with a bit of swagger in her step. She laughed, throwing open the door to the hut, as she saw Red standing there with a grin on his face. “Captain Baker.” 

“Oh that’s serious.” She teased as he laughed. “Remind me to kick Rosie’s butt for failing to mention that I’m running this meeting.” 

Red laughed again. “You’ve never run a Navigator or Bombardiers’ meeting before?” 

“When would I even have the opportunity to do so, Red?” She sent him a glaring look. “Remember, I’m just an ATA girl.” 

Red smiled. “An ATA girl who saved D-Day. Just remember we would’ve been up a creek without your assistance and knowledge.” 

She laughed, just as the doors opened and the navigators and bombardiers made their way around the table where she stood. The Navigators were given their maps and plans while the bombardiers stood there eagerly awaiting her instructions. Spying Douglass towards the back, she shot him a wink as he shot her one back. 

She went through the missions, pointing out important landscapes along the way and informing them of the IPs. She pointed to the maps as she spoke confidently about her plans. She answered all the questions that the men had as they made their own preparations. When there were no other questions, she sent them on their way, making her way out of the hut just after them, hoping to see Rosie before he took off on his own mission. 

Just as she walked out the door, she grinned brightly seeing Rosie standing there, hands in his jacket pockets waiting for her. “I heard you did well in your debriefing.”

“No thanks to you.” She teased him, punching his shoulder lightly. “Thanks for the heads up that I would be leading that navigator and bombardier meeting.” 

He laughed. “Well, you were the brains behind the operation and made it all come together. Only fair that you lead that meeting.” 

“Thanks Rosie.” She sobered up, giving him a look. “Do a lot of damage today. Give them hell.” 

Rosie nodded. “I will. What are your plans for the day?” 

“Catching up on sleep. If I’m not up by dinner, will you wake me?” She asked, giving him a look.

He nodded, grinning. “I’ve got three missions today so I should be home by dinner but I’ll make sure to get you for dinner.” 

“Stay safe, Rosie. Come back to us, Major.” She gave him a quick hug, before stepping back. 

“I think the Germans may be a bit busy, they won’t be worrying about us today.” Rosie chuckled. “Land, sea, and water - they’ve got it coming to them.” 

She looked out onto the field, seeing Josie and Meatball, waiting for her by the women’s hut. “Give ‘em hell, Rosie and I cannot wait to hear all about it.” 

Saluting her, she saluted back, before watching him head to the truck to be taken out to the airfield. She walked over to Josie and Meatball, a yawn escaping her mouth as she looped an arm around Josie. “History in the making, Josie.” 

“Care to tell me all about what you’ve been doing these last few days?” Josie looped her extra arm around Addie’s waist, squeezing gently. 

Addie laughed. “Our boys are about to invade Europe - make it a two-front war for Hitler. They’re going to cause havoc along the French coast for the Germans - about 200 missions will be happening throughout the day, and I had a hand in planning most of them.” 

Josie’s eyes widened. “Damn, Addie. Now I get the secrecy.” 

“Uh huh . . . have you heard about Croz? How’s he doing?” Addie asked as another yawn escaped her mouth. She knew it was only a matter of time before she needed to find a bed to pass out in. 

Josie chuckled. “He’s passed out in the men’s quarters. Doc checked him over and he collapsed due to exhaustion. Let’s get you to bed before you do the same - Jeffrey gave me the day off to watch over you and make sure you sleep.” 

“That won’t be an issue - as soon as I’m changed, I’m passing out.” She agreed as the three of them walked into the hut. “Will you make sure I’m awake by dinner? I promised Rosie I would dine with him and I want to hear about today.” 

Josie nodded. “Get some sleep, wonder woman.” 

1800 Hours

Stretching, she groaned, opening up her eyes to see Josie sitting in the bed next to her, reading a book. “Morning, sunshine.” 

“Morning.” Her voice was groggy, as she stretched again, trying to get the cobwebs out of her brain. “What time is it?” 

“1800 hours - you have been asleep for almost 12 hours. I was just about to wake you up - the boys have been up and down all day. I’m surprised you didn’t hear them.” Josie closed her book, giving her best friend a look. 

Addie chuckled. “I was so tired that I didn’t hear anything.” 

Pushing off the bed, she got ready before heading out of the hut, with Josie by her side. Rosie and Blakely were standing outside the hut waiting for her. “Morning, Addie. Did you get some sleep?” 

“She didn’t move the entire twelve hours. There were a couple of times that I was afraid she wasn’t breathing.” Josie piped up, as Addie gave her best friend a grin. 

Shrugging, Addie grinned. “You all pull off what I just did over the last few days and tell me you wouldn’t go to sleep for twelve hours.” 

Following the men into the hut, she collapsed into a chair, fighting off a yawn, much to everyone’s amusement. As the waiter stopped by the table, she ordered a coffee, as Josie raised an eyebrow. “You’re going to be up all night.”

“Nope, I just need to get through dinner then I’m going back to bed.” She smiled at the waiter as he placed the cup of coffee on the table. “So, Rosie, tell us everything. How did today go?” 

Rosie smiled. “I did three runs and couldn’t see anything for the first two, until after we were well over France. But the third one, the clouds had dissipated, and it was amazing to see all the ships and troops. We hit communication centers, bridges, and railyards. There wasn’t a single Luftwaffe plane in the air.” 

The excitement and pride were evident in his voice. “There were no casualties, and all of our boys came back safe and sound. It went better than we could have asked for.” 

“Exactly how we wanted this day to go.” Blakely grinned. 

Sitting back in her chair, Addie relaxed in her chair. Rosie continued to talk about the missions, and she couldn’t wipe the smile from her face. 

History in the making, indeed and Addie couldn’t be happier. It felt as if the war had shifted and now, they just needed to hold on for what was to come.

Thank you for reading. I'm having so much fun writing Elizabeth and Bucky's banter/friendship. If there's anything you'd like to see in upcoming chapters, please leave me a message. I'm starting to wrap up this story. Feedback would be much appreciated.

Chapter 16

[a-solitary-sea-rover-backup]

Interview with Dawn Riley, 1 April 2024

KaiYves (KY): Hey, everyone, my name is KaiYves from A Solitary Sea Rover, and I’m here with Dawn Riley at Oakcliff Sailing Center, an incredibly famous veteran of offshore sailing. You were in the Whitbread twice, I think? 

Dawn Riley (DR): Uh-huh.

KY: Which is now The Ocean Race, in 1989 and then 1993, and then the America’s Cup in 1992, 1995, 2000, 2003, 2007…

DR: 2003, I did the easy part, I was media. (laughs)

KY: And you were in management for–

DR: For 2007, yup.

KY: And today you’re the head of Oakcliff Sailing Center, since 2010, I think?

DR: Yup, absolutely.

KY: And you’re also, as of last year, in the America’s Cup Hall of Fame.

DR: Yes, I’m a triple-famer. America’s Cup Hall of Fame, National Sailing Hall of Fame, and then the Michigan Sports Hall of Fame. So three different organizations, all honoring sailing.

KY: And it only took 30 years.

DR: (laughs) Yeah.

KY: And now there’s four women in the America’s Cup Hall of Fame!

DR: Yup.

KY: …and forty men, right? (laughs)

DR: I have not done the math, but yeah, there’s more men than women across the board. [It's actually more like 100 men and 4 women.]

KY: It’s reflective of the event. So we met at the 12-Metre World Championships last summer in August, that was an incredible weekend, you know, just the level of access there was, being able to walk in and see everyone, being able to see the boats, and photograph them. I was able to help out a little bit.

DR: Yup. 

KY: Because you guys needed a phone charger. You let me come on the chase boat, that was incredible, I got to see [the racing] up close… I got kind of seasick, but I still had a wonderful time. 

DR: (laughs) Good to know.

KY: And then I helped hose down a little bit afterwards. So I was joking with my friends that I can tell everyone that I was a 12-Metre crewmember for five minutes.

DR: There you go. (laughs) And Courageous is a pretty special yacht.

KY: I said to my friend, “You know, this summer I was a crew member on Ted Turner’s yacht. There’s a lot of clarifiers to that, but…”

DR: (laughs)

At the 12-Metre Worlds.

KY: In a very loose sense I was, yes. You agreed to do this interview with me and let me come visit and I’m super excited for that. I got my Master’s at NYU and a few weeks ago, I was in Greenwich Village. So I went into the Strand Bookstore, the famous bookstore there, for old time’s sake. I was looking around, I was in the basement stacks, looking at the travel, exploration, transportation sections, and while I was there, this is what I found– (pulls out a book wrapped in cloth from her backpack and unwraps it to show it’s Riley’s book Taking the Helm)

DR: Ah. Taking the Helm. (takes book to examine it) Is this one signed? 

KY: Oh, yeah, it is.

DR: I think I signed almost all of them.

KY: So I don’t have to bother you for that. 

DR: There you go. (laughs)

This is the softcover cover, mine looked slightly different.

KY: I thought, “This is great”, because I’d already made the arrangement to talk to you, “This is a good omen, I think”. It also has this flier from back in the day. (unfolds a paper flier tucked into the dust jacket and hands it to Riley)

DR: Oh my goodness, this is funny. Yup, this was the promo that I sent out. I put together this flier myself and it was to try and do speaking. That’s crazy, I haven’t seen that in for-ever.

KY: Do you want to keep it?

DR: Um, sure. I don’t think 1-800-511-DAWN works anymore, but I’ll check. 

KY: You find some really great things at Strand, you know. I found, um, Bertrand Piccard, who went around the world in the balloon, I actually found a signed copy of his book about that at Strand.

DR: Mmm-hmm, OK.

KY: I found a book about the ‘77 America’s Cup that had a newsletter from the ‘83 one inside of it and I said, you know, “I think the flier might be worth more than the book, but…”

DR: (laughs)

KY: So used bookstores are amazing.

DR: Hmm-hmm.

KY: But I was really excited [to read your book] because it was actually the third book I had read about that era of the Round-The-World Race in the past year. I’m working on a fictional story that’s about a fictional team in the 80s in the Whitbread, so I’d read a few different books. I’d read Peter Blake’s book about Ceramco in 1981, I’d read Skip Novak’s about Drum in ‘85– I think you have most of those out there [on the bookshelf in the main room]. And so, I wanted to see and contrast the different people’s voices and so forth. I know I contrasted those [two] as I was reading. I thought, you know, Blake had this very fun, optimistic sort of voice where it’s all this very jolly adventure. 

DR: Peter Blake was a good friend of mine. He was an amazing seaman. He and his wife were adventurers. And unfortunately, tragically, he was killed on an adventure in the Amazon. But he was probably one of the most solid and most revered New Zealanders out there.

KY: It was a great book, you know, just this good humor throughout. Whereas Skip Novak’s, it’s a lot more gritty and cynical. He’s talking about people fighting each other, talking about people doing unsanitary things and stuff like that. And I actually thought, just, the way the book opens, where they come into Cape Town really early in the morning and nobody’s there to greet them because they’re sixth, it’s just the officials. And they spray them with champagne and he’s like, you know that’s always the cheap champagne and it makes you sticky and it’s nasty. And he’s like, and now we’re in Cape Town, it’s 1985, and there’s all of these signs that say, ‘No Black People [Allowed] Here’. And so, he’s just very much showing the grittier side of his experience.

DR: Or, more, just the pessimistic side. Knowing Skip, that’s his personality.

KY: Yes.

DR: So both of those people’s personalities come through.

KY: But he also in the end enjoyed this adventure and he still thought it was worth it. So I liked having those two different perspectives. And so I was curious to see, when I read your book, how your perspective compared. And I think you have more of an optimistic voice.

DR: I am eternally optimistic. If I wasn’t, I would not have made anything of my life, because everyone told me I couldn’t. I said, “Oh yeah? Screw you, watch me.” So I’ve been forced to be, but luckily eternally optimistic. Which doesn’t mean I am a Pollyanna. So I’m realistic and prepared as well.  

KY: I mean there were some, you know, gritty details, but I thought that it was, overall, more of a “Blake” sort of voice. But what I thought that was in your book that was not really in the other ones was a lot more about emotions and familial connections. And just talking about the people back home and everything. Which is something that made it kind of different. And some really beautiful language. 

DR: So I have to have joint credit for that with Cyndy. I kept a running [log], I wrote it during the race and then she cleaned it up. And went back and forth and back and forth on the editing. So it was absolutely a joint editing process. And sometimes my language was way too flowery and she’d bring it back down, and sometimes hers was a little too professional and I’d be like, “That doesn’t sound like me!”, so I’d bring it back.  

KY: I love when you’re talking about how you left South America and you were under a sky full of diamonds, going out into a sky full of diamonds.

DR: Yeah, there’s… It was just a couple of years ago, now, so it’s 2024… before COVID, so say 2018, I was down in Florida on a beach… (a phone in the office rings and Riley stops to press a button to silence it) I walked down to the beach at a party and there was nobody else around. I looked up at the sky, I was like, “This is what I miss. I miss being out there.”

KY: I mean, it must be, it’s some of the darkest skies on Earth when you’re in the middle of the ocean. 

DR: Yes, of course, you’re out– there’s some points, and I think this was described in the book, some points where you can’t really tell where the sky ends and the water starts. ‘Cause it’s just a circle.  

KY: And I loved that. Because I feel like a lot of the time, when you read books from people who did something really interesting, their skills are not in writing so they describe it very simply. 

DR: Uh-huh.

KY: And I’m like, okay, so you flew around the world or you climbed Mount Everest, but I don’t really get a sense of what it was like for you. But with you, I did. 

DR: Okay, good.

KY: And what I also liked about that book was that I was able to see connections because I’ve read a lot of other books from the same time period. Because I go to used bookstores and people give away their books about twenty-five years afterwards. So, I was like “Oh!” At the same time [you were racing the Whitbread], there was the ENZA trimaran going for the Jules Verne Trophy, which I had read— actually, just the year before— read Cam Lewis’s book about Commodore Explorer.

DR: Uh-huh.

The Jules Verne Trophy, not quite like the book. [x]

KY: And then, at the same time you were planning for the America’s Cup 1995. And during lockdown, I actually read Anna Huntington’s book Making Waves. 

DR: Yup.

KY: That’s always, to me, a very particular experience reading that book, because I got it from Breakwater Yacht Club, I borrowed it just before lockdown and then I had it. There was nothing else to do so I just was biking around in the spring. And I went to this little beach in North Sea and I just sat down on the beach and I was just reading this book and trying to think about something– just something else because it seemed like the world was going crazy. And there was an osprey family up in a nest. And it was just me, and the osprey, and this book about the America’s Cup.  

DR: Uh-huh.

KY: So you’ve made a home here [on Long Island] in our area, but you’re from Detroit, originally.

DR: Yup.

KY: And you learned to sail there?

DR: I learned to sail with my family. No formal training, no junior sailing type of training, but my dad was a sailor and a racer and he would basically, I think… My mom would say, “Take one of the kids, get out of the house!” So I got to go, because I was the oldest, which was pretty cool. So I think the first sailboat race that I did, for sure, the first one that I can remember, I was about four years old. And they did a crash gybe, and I got rope burn under my arm, and I thought it was amazing. My mom wasn’t so happy. But they also did not put limits on it. So I started racing on bigger boats in the– in the 70s, Jesus.  

KY: So did you have, at that point, heroes as a kid that you looked up to in the world of sailing?

DR: When you’re that young, the only peers you have, the only people you know about, are your family. When we came back from sailing for a year, on the year’s cruise, I obviously had my eyes opened by seeing all the different places and all the different jobs in the industry. From, you know, powerboat captains to workers, to engine repair, to riggers in the Caribbean. You know, all of that just exposure, Antigua Race Week… hippie yacht captains, Jimmy Buffett, Ted Turner, who we met on the dock, a sailboat racer with TV cameras following him… so that was a whole exposure. And then when I got back, and started racing, the people in the industry, the professionals in the industry, were my role models. Sailmakers and boat workers, boat captains.

KY: And this was the year that your family went to the Caribbean, you said? 

DR: Yup, we did that when I was 13, so I started working and being paid to work on boats when I was 15, and put myself through college doing that. 

KY: That must have been incredible, just being with your family in the Caribbean like that and going from place to place.

DR: Uh-huh. Yup, it was very organized and scheduled. Lots of sailing events. We went as far as you could, I think as far as you possibly could on a 56-foot wooden boat in one year and seven days. Because we had an extra week. My dad had two leaves of absence, but he worked for a week in Puerto Rico to make it up. So one year and seven days from the time we departed to the time we got back. We were on a schedule, we rarely stayed in the same place more than one night at a time. So it was pretty cool.

KY: When you were growing up, as a teenager and so forth, what was your awareness of the America’s Cup and then the offshore sailing?

DR: My awareness of the America’s Cup was discovered during that year’s cruise. When we were in Newport, in ‘77, the trials were going on. And then, I didn’t really know about the Round-The-World-Race because there had been no stopover in America until the race we did. But when I came back, at North Star Sailing Club, on Lake St. Claire, there was a film on the Whitbread, and I’m like, “Oh! I want to do that!” 

KY: You were a teenager when you decided you were going to do that. 

DR: 15, yeah. Maybe 16. Probably in winter. 15 or 16, it doesn’t matter.  

KY: But that was your moment. And you followed on that course to become a professional from that point on?

DR: Well, professional back then wasn’t really a word. You were a boat captain. The professional/amateur only came into it in the 2000s when there was a marketing push from the Farr office that was building boats and started saying, you’re professional, you’re amateur. And I kind of got a little bit screwed over in that. Thank God I had enough time before people discriminated against professionals. Because we were poor and we needed to work to be able to sail. And I was able to get my skillset up. But basically, as I wanted to go sailing, I needed to eat and I needed to pay for college. So I had a job working on boats and sail lofts and cleaning boat bottoms and making sandwiches and anything I could do to keep those two things. I wanted to sail, I needed to eat, oh yeah, and I needed to pay for college. 

KY: And you had the aspiration to go as far as you could? 

DR: No, I wanted to do the America’s Cup and I wanted to do the Round-The-World, but I also thought maybe I wanted to go to the Olympics. And I also thought I wanted to be an advertising executive on Madison Avenue. So I kept a lot of different goals and I didn’t really know that it was a possibility to continue in the sailing until I didn’t get a job in advertising. And then I was ready. So what I tell people here at Oakcliff is that you absolutely have to have a plan. And whether it’s going to be school, family, real job, business, boatbuilder starting a business– but you always have to have your seabag packed and ready to go when an opportunity presents itself. And that’s kind of what I did. 

KY: I’ve actually (laughs) I’ve actually had the worst luck trying to watch the Maiden documentary. There’s been places that I’ve been where it was showing and I kept missing it. And I got the DVD now and I was trying to watch it last night and my computer is new and I hadn’t set up the DVD program, and so I only got to watch, like, the first half-hour.    

DR: Oh, bummer. 

KY: So I’m sorry I can’t ask you too many questions based on that.

DR: It’s okay. I will tell you that the movie is quite realistic. And they were talking about trying to make a Hollywood remake of it, and I don’t know how that would be possible. Because the footage was so good, the story was so well-done, and the only thing you could add to make it more Hollywood, honestly, would be romance. (laughs)

[x]

KY: That was the ‘89 race, and y’know, it really was just, I feel like there has to be some kind of movie about the ‘89 race, not necessarily about Maiden in particular. But just because there were so many different events going on, it almost doesn’t seem real that it was at this point in the world– that the Berlin Wall came down and…

DR: We weren’t even aware that that was happening because we were out at sea. There was satellite navigation really around the middle of the Earth, around Antarctica you were still using celestial. The electronic communications for weather– we would get a weather fax that was on that fax paper, where you get it too hot or wet and you can’t read it. There was a positioning once a day, but our only communication was SSB ham radio, single-sideband. So we weren’t picking up on the news.

KY: I have the “Maxi” book that I saw on the shelf, I got that one at Strand also, and I was looking through that and looking at the computer technology that they had onboard as research for my story. But just this… you came back to port and you would get all of this news that the world was changing so rapidly in this period. Did you have a sense that, y’know, something’s in the atmosphere?

DR: No, no, no, no. We were just isolated. I was literally talking about this last night with a friend’s nephew who just came back from Germany. He hasn’t been in America for three years. And I said, at least you have the Internet, because when I used to come back to do an event or a speech or something, I would at the airport, get People Magazine. Because there was no social media, there was no TV that we were watching. And I came back and there was a social event and people were talking about “Britney”. And I’m like “Who the heck is Britney and what’s her last name?” 

KY: Britney Spears. 

DR: Because if you’re gone and you’re not hearing it, you have no idea and the whole social world has passed you by. So you have to do some homework to catch up. 

KY: In some of the books, they say, you know, the world could end and we wouldn’t know until we got to port. 

DR: Uh-huh.

KY: I think in Skip Novak’s book, he said that they were at sea when the Chernobyl accident happened and they had heard that on the radio, and they were like, “What if we come back to the northern hemisphere and everyone’s dead of radiation poisoning?”

DR: Right, right. You are isolated, out there. Or you were isolated out there. Nowadays it’s much different. Nowadays, I think it’s lost a lot of the romance. There’s more people following– you see Cole Brauer and half a million people following, but is that entertainment or adventure? I’m not sure which.

KY: That was the first time you had been to the Southern Ocean, right? 

DR: Yes.

KY: What was that experience like, being there for the first time?

DR: (deep exhale) Everybody says they want to be helicoptered in just for a day, which would be a disaster. Because the way that you acclimate to the Southern Ocean is that it’s a little windier, it’s a little windier, it’s a little windier, and each step up, you’re like “Oh my god! Oh, oh, oh!” And then on the way back down, as you’re coming out, you’re walking around in 50 knots of wind with a cup of coffee and you’re not spilling it. So it’s an acclimation, it’s not like you’re helicoptered in, “This is the Southern Ocean!” It’s a gradual in and a gradual out. There are moments you absolutely remember, just the amount of energy and extremeness and the adrenaline of sailing is pretty cool.

KY: From what they say, it sounds like it’s almost a world apart. Otherworldly.

DR: It is, I mean, everybody talks now about Point Nemo, we didn’t even really talk about that then, which is when you’re closer to the space shuttle than you are to land. 

KY: Francis Chichester, he said, “I felt like I was planetary distances away from the rest of mankind.”

DR: OK, I wasn’t that eloquent. 

KY: But was it like you were on another planet?

DR: We were racing as fast as we could to get to the next piece of land. And that is the thing people always ask, “Are you bored?” No. Because you’re in a competition, it might be a very long competition, but you’re in a competition. And yes there’s some fun times and there’s some relaxing, there’s laughs. But you’re focused. When you’re steering the boat, you’re trying to steer the boat as best as absolutely possible. When you’re trimming, you’re trying to do it as best as absolutely possible. You’re just doing it for a really long time. 

It sounds pretty intense. [x]

KY: And there were several different nationalities onboard Maiden. It was organized in England and it was majority Brits, so how did you feel as an American being among Brits?

DR: Well, it wasn’t majority British, if you count Welsh, and Irish and Scottish, which they absolutely would. There were three proper English onboard. And then, it was weird being the only American only in that it was the first time I had ever been in an experience where I was the only American. I wasn’t even aware of a lot of the stereotypes until they started teasing me about it. “Seppo? What’s Seppo?” It’s like, septic tank. (laughs) But I didn’t know.

KY: It’s the Australian word for Americans, yeah. You know, when I’ve been doing the research for my writing, I type in “Whitbread Race” [in a search engine] and one of the suggestions is “Did Maiden win the Whitbread Race?” Because it’s become so famous now because of the documentary. So how do you feel knowing that you guys are now the most famous team that was there in 1989?

DR: Well, that’s fine. There was also the photo of my cleavage that was the most published photo of all of 1989. Or actually, 1990, because of the finish in Fort Lauderdale. In 1990, the absolutely top-published photo in sports was of my cleavage. 

KY: …I’m sorry.

DR: (laughs) Back then, I wasn’t embarrassed, I didn’t even really care about it or know about it, but I was not a fan of coming into Fort Lauderdale as sailboat racers, in our bathing suits, because I thought it cheapened what we were doing. And I was quite against it. Ironically, then that photo came out and now I look at the photos and I’m like “Oh, if only I looked like that now!” (laughs)

KY: Did you have that, you know, almost stereotypical expression after you came back, thinking “I won’t do that again!” or did you immediately say, “I want to do that again next time.”

DR: Neither. I figured, I’ve checked the box, now what am I going to do? I was literally trying to decide between the Olympics and the America’s Cup when we finished. I did not intend to do the next race, I only did it because there had been a mutiny and I had to save the reputation of ‘89-90, because if the women had failed, then it would have been a step backwards further than before Maiden. Because Maiden was about “Can they do it?” “Yes, they can? Oh, that was a one-off.” That would have been the story. 

KY: So you did the America’s Cup in 1992, and you were the first woman in a physically-active role [on an America's Cup crew in 140 years]. 

DR: Mmm-hmm. 

KY: How did you end up joining that team?

DR: Open try-outs. There was a handful of women that tried out. I was just the only one that made the team. 

KY: This is also, significantly, this is also the year in which there is the movie made about the America’s Cup, Wind, that’s the fictionalization of the events of 1983.  

DR: That’s right, that’s right.

KY: And that’s kind of an alternate universe sort of story, but it struck me that this film that was set ten years before did have female crew, something that only became a reality that same year.

DR: I didn’t even think about that. I was so busy just training to go racing. 

Left: Fiction, Right: Reality

KY: Were you aware of the movie when it came out? 

DR: Oh, of course. We were aware of the movie. And I think I remember thinking it was okay. Everybody teased, everybody was joking about it. But I think it was pretty successful, pretty well-done. I had actually been asked to be in the film as a stunt-double at one point, and I thought they were joking. It turns out that they were, but it doesn’t matter– I was busy. 

KY: Yeah, it’s one of those love-it-or-hate-it movies, y’know? I love it, I know people who hate it, but I love it.  

DR: I don’t hate it at all. I’ve watched it a few times. There was a movie called Masquerade that I liked better, and it didn’t get nearly as much press.  

KY: I like to joke with my friends that I’m one of the 600 people on Earth who have actually seen Wind. 

DR: Oh no, I think there’s a lot of people that have seen Wind. Every junior sailing kid who has been at a program when there’s no wind out, gets to see Wind. 

KY: You were part of America^3–

DR: America Cubed. 

KY: Yes, America Cubed. Did you have the sense that you were the first?

DR: Oh yes. They maximized it in terms of publicity. We had three of us, there were two black guys on the team. So Art, myself, and Billy Ruh would go. It was the girl, the cute white guy, and the star black guy, we’d call ourselves the Mod Squad. 

KY: Oh, like the show, yes.

DR: Which was a TV show from the 60s. 

The America^3 crew were nicknamed "The Cubens" (pronounced like "Cubans") [x]

KY: So then you were in the Whitbread in 1993 again, like in the book. You joined the team after Leg 1 because there had been the mutiny and so forth… I almost don’t even want to ask anything because you said it all so well in the book!

DR: (laughs) So then just tell everyone to read the book. You can buy it now [online], it’s in paperback because we sold the 50,000 copies in hardback.  

KY: In the book, there’s the contrast between the management side of the team and so forth and dealing with the lawsuits and the money troubles, whereas you said when you’re out at sea, you’re focused on very specific tasks. So did you actually prefer the simplicity of focusing on what was going on aboard ship.

DR: It’s ironic. Because when you’re out there, all you really… it’s actually pure. It’s wonderful. It’s amazing, because you’re just focus, focus, focus. And you’re just trying quickly to get to shore. And with the second attempted mutiny on the boat while we were racing kind of took that purity away, so it wasn’t as good as with Maiden. The second time around the world or the second time you’re in the America’s Cup is never as pure and fun with that sense of discovery as the first time. The ironic part is that you’re racing and all you want to do is get to shore and see people and have a glass of wine and have actual vegetables that aren’t freeze-dried. And then you get there and somebody hands you a beer and then you forget about all of that. The first couple of days onshore are really annoying because there’s so much distraction and then you get into a routine and then before you go back, you are like “Ohhhhhh, I don’t want to go to sea, I want to stay in bed.”

[x]

KY: You captured that so well, talking about being in South America and hearing the winds keeping you up at night. And in the book you wrote a lot about Gloria Borrego, who recently passed.

DR: (quietly) I know.  

KY: She sounded incredible. Could you talk about her? 

DR: She was incredible. She worked in the pits in NASCAR, she was a brilliant engineer, a problem-solver, always laughing. Amazing. Diana Klybert wrote her obituary, which summed up more than any of us knew in terms of one aspect of her, and it was tragic that she got cancer and died within two weeks. One of my other friends, mutual friends, was upset and said that she had so much left to do. But I pointed out, she had done so much. 

KY: Just the good humor that came through in the book, where you were joking among yourselves, she was talking about her dreams, and she talked about how she dreamed she was a superhero. That was incredible, just so fun to read. 

DR: Yup.

KY: And you also talked about how you were getting letters from students and that you were impressed that people were following you.

DR: Yes, because you wouldn’t remember, you weren’t alive. [Actually, I was seven months old when the 1993 Whitbread started, but close enough.] But the Internet was just starting to happen and CompuServe was the e-mail. So we would sent a fax to a supporter in… Annapolis, I think? And then he would e-mail it out, because you couldn’t take a picture then, you couldn’t send attachments, he would re-type it into an e-mail and send it out to people via fax or e-mail. It was basically an early version of a listserv. 

KY: Yeah. I think that really the Whitbread and the America’s Cup were kind of pioneers in using the Internet for education [and outreach] and that way of letting people follow. The Whitbread website from 1997 had almost all of the modern features and everything! I know that in the 1995 America’s Cup, there was the PACT organization that was doing newspaper things for students every week. Really impressive stuff. 

DR: Sailors are early adopters. Because we are so remote. 

America^3 in 1995. [x]

KY: 1995, you were with the other America^3. Where it was specifically a women’s team. So that was, I suppose, the next step, now that there had been female crew, that there had been– 

DR: 1995, yeah. It was basically because Bill Koch and his financial advisors didn’t want him to spend all of this time and money and effort to do it again and underwrite it. 

KY: He had to do something different. 

DR: And so they came up with the idea of, should we do an all-women’s team. They asked me, and I said, “Noooo, let’s just sail mixed, it’s more fun.” And then I sat down and helped write the business plan for that, we called it the Manifesto, but it was a business plan. 

KY: I just thought when I read Huntington’s book and it was talking about the team dynamics and so forth and who’s in charge and interesting like that, talking with the trainers and so on. And here’s now we do certain things. I thought it was very funny, the story about forcing one of the chase boat guys to listen to you [all] talking about menstrual problems because he had been annoying or something.

DR: I don’t remember, there was a lot of funny stuff like that. Now, Anna was a rower, she came in kind of late on the team, but her background was journalism, so she wrote a journalistic story, which I fully support. It was slightly sensationalized to be able to sell books, a lot of the other women were very upset because it told too much. My belief is, whatever you do, you should be proud of it. So if everybody knows, it’s on the front page of The New York Times, then tough. You did it, you said it, it’s there, it’s true, share it. 

KY: I thought especially talking about the resistance that she faced, I was very impressed by that, it was very scathing in certain places. Talking about specifically the things that people said when they doubted you. I was joking with my friend, I said “She called this book Making Waves because the publisher probably said ‘You can’t call it Screw You, Dennis Conner!’” (laughs)

DR: Okay, yeah. We don’t like Dennis, but he’s now old, he’s older. He’s, yeah… 

KY: He disappeared. 

DR: Yeah. 

KY: And obviously that’s another incredible year in the history, with so many things going on, you literally saw a boat sink in the racing–

DR: Yeah.

KY: –and the different nationalities involved, of course it’s the year that Team New Zealand are just sweeping through. So, again, did you have this sense of being impressed that so many crazy things are going on and you’re in the midst of it?  

DR: You’re in the midst of it and you’re trying to just get stuff done. It was a different campaign. It was extremely unfortunate that we had no women in the leadership onshore, obviously we were on the boat, but you need to have that crossover and it was just math, to a point. Because if there had been more women that had had experience in the past, then we would have had more women on the coaching staff, more women on the design team, more women in the marketing team. So you would have had more of a cohesive team, as opposed to the guys do this half, all the business, and the women just hurry up and go sailing. Which hurt us a little bit in some of the decision making. 

KY: Yes, I got that sense from the book. And then you did have a mixed team in 2000, with America True. 

DR: And we hired the designer of the boat that sank. (laughs) Because he was definitely not going to build a boat that was going to sink.

KY: (laughs) I’ve actually read the official program for that edition, I got it online, and I have a question I’ve gotta ask…

DR: Hopefully I know the answer.

KY: Why was Godzilla on America True’s hull?!?

Reproduced from Challenge 2000: The Race to Win the America's Cup, by Russell Coutts and Paul Larsen.

DR: That’s because… it’s hilarious. So, in the America’s Cup, there’s extreme security, you’re not allowed to go into another team’s base, you’re not allowed to take photos because of certain parameters and all sorts of stuff. And we did have some espionage, but that was, I’m pretty sure I know who– I’m pretty sure it was a Kiwi– and when we came in in the morning, it was so hilarious. So they’d snuck in and they’d put Godzilla on the Golden Gate Bridge that was on the side of the hull. So it was just a prank. We could have protested them and had “damages” because they were in the base.

KY: They touched the hull.

DR: Some of the people were upset about that, and myself and Chris Coffin just thought it was so f—-ing funny. We were like, “Leave it!” So we left it on forever. 

KY: In the photos in the program, it’s there and I thought that you guys did that.  

DR: Nope. 

KY: But I thought, I’ve gotta ask why. In this case, you were in Auckland and y’know, this is not necessarily the period where it became– because it already was– that it was so integrated into the culture there. Did you have a sense of that, that this is a place where so much of the country is watching this?  

DR: Oh yeah. Because I’d lived in New Zealand off and on since 1992. It was my home. I was actually in London a week ago and staying with Jenni and Spike– Jenni was on both Maiden and Heineken and Spike was on New Zealand Challenge– and I said, I think there’s more friends per square mile of mine in New Zealand than anywhere else in the world. Just because I know so many of them and they’re good friends. And I was lucky to be sailing internationally when it was the decades of the Kiwis, and they’ve all gone home to roost.

KY: And you said in Taking the Helm, when you guys got into Fort Lauderdale, you told the people who were not Americans, you said, this is the United States, there’s not going to be as many people as there were in New Zealand because we don’t turn out as much, so…

DR: Well, no, it’s because they didn’t know that the race was happening as much. 

KY: Did you have a sense that this was so much a part of the culture, that people are going to recognize you on the street?

DR: They do. They still do.

KY: It’s a very different sort of experience, the way it’s integrated into their culture?

DR: Yeah. 

KY: Like you said, Peter Blake was a national hero. 

There are even children's books about him! [x]

DR: Well, there’s a big difference. New Zealand has a huge coastline, somewhere around 90% of people go boating regularly, it’s something insane like 86% own a boat, whether it’s a rowboat, or a launch, which is their word for a powerboat, or a yacht, which is their word for a sailboat. So of course you’re going to have more following. As opposed to, how many people in Kansas, Oklahoma, Idaho, North Dakota, South Dakota, y’know, Texas… there’s coastlines somewhere in there, but there’s so much vast, non-coastline.

KY: So would you say that our cultural disadvantage is our geography, in that way? 

DR: It’s just different. Just different, yeah.

KY: So then, you were in management and media in the next two editions. Flip those around, media and then management…  

DR: I was doing media coverage in 2003 and then I did sail on the boat up until the last 8 months, and I was general manager of the French team for 2007 where we raced in Valencia.  

KY: That was K-Challenge. And this is, talking about, three different countries within a decade, that the America’s Cup was in. And with the people who are part of that, involved with that, they talk about their kids going to school in different countries and so forth. So what’s it like, just that nomadic life? Where you know that now we’re here, but we don’t know where we’re going to be in five years because we don’t know who’s going to win? And just going somewhere else, do I have to learn a language, learn basic phrases and so forth? 

DR: Well, I mean, that’s a privilege, to be able to go and live in all different countries. Until Oakcliff, I had not lived in any place more than three years after I was 11.

KY: That’s amazing. 

DR: It’s cool. And you keep light, you don’t collect a lot of c-—, and you don’t need a lot of stuff. You collect experiences and friends, as opposed to material things.  

KY: And I know that in your book and also in Making Waves, you talked about, or people talked about you, reading home and garden magazines because it was something that was different from your own life. 

DR: Well, yeah, also if you’re moving to a new place you want to– nowadays we call it nesting– but you want to take the time and that’s you’re creative outlet, to make things pretty. To do gardens. I think somewhere it’s probably written that if I garden, I want something out of it. So I specifically garden with vegetables and some fruits. Flowers are there… marigolds to keep the pests away, but it’s not to make it pretty. It’s to make it productive.

KY: Practical gardening. 

DR: Yup.

14 years ago, the beginning of the AC multihull era. [x]

KY: Since that point, y’know, we’ve seen the America’s Cup change so much with technology and so forth. And that was sort of the point you moved out of that, you were working at Oakcliff, but how has it been watching all of these changes in the past fifteen years?

DR: (clicks tongue) Yeah, it has been fifteen years. I’m obviously out of the inside scoop on technology, I think the challenge is that there has been a concerted effort to make it marketable to the masses. And when I did the television in 2003, I learned, believed, and reinforced my belief that the way to make it entertaining and relevant to the masses is to educate the masses. Because sports fans, even if they don’t do the sport, want to be seen as the experts, so they can talk about it at the pub with their friends and have an opinion. You need to give them the information so that they can form an opinion in the end. That may or may not be right, because it’s all judgemental, but at least they have the tools. Just making something go fast and not educating people is not the answer. So the catamarans and the foiling gecko boats right now are a challenge on top of the fact that you don’t see the humans. People associate with humans. So I think there’s a lot of people that are in agreement with that, the question is, whoever wins, will they have the cojones to make that correct change. 

KY: I’ve seen discussions of this, how much jargon do you use and for what audiences? 

DR: Jargon is not a big deal. You say port, left side of the boat, starboard right side of the boat. It’s super frickin’ simple and it doesn’t have to be… it’s not the language that’s the problem. It’s the strategy, the tactics, the humans, why are they doing that? Oh, the wife just had a baby or that person’s mother just ended up visiting in town, the paint is a new coating that they think is faster, is it going to be faster or is more of a psychological advantage? Those kinds of conversations pull people in. And in all of that, I didn’t use a single sailing term.  

KY: Right. The thing I was thinking, when I was reading the book on the beach, and it was 2020, I was in lockdown, and I was waiting for the next edition coming up in 2021. And it was at that point that DutchSail had pulled out. And I was thinking, you know, this is 25 years ago, and there was this cohort of women who were crewing, and now they’re not. I felt that this is the light that failed. How did you feel that there has been a technological revolution in the America’s Cup but not necessarily a social one? 

DR: Well, there has been. Not in the America’s Cup, but SailGP, the Round-The-World, they’ve gone back and forth between incentives and requirements, and it’s making a difference. The America’s Cup is not going to put those rules in because almost all the rules are some sort of mutual consent, so you have to have at least two parties that are wanting to win to the death. So the only way that you’re going to be able to have women in the America’s Cup, I predict, by regulatory, by rules, is by having a sponsor who says we will give you corporate dollars as long as you have x number of women on the boat. Or you have the challenger and the defender who both believe it’s a competitive advantage for them to have their female on the boat. And then if they both believe that, then you’ll end up with women on the boat. But it’s really hard. 

KY: Do you think that if you had been in the match in ‘95, that it would have been different? 

DR: No.

KY: That people would have said, see, clearly women can be at least in the match, so…

DR: No. I don’t think anyone makes that distinction. That has nothing to do with it. And also, frankly, the Kiwis were so much faster, that we would have been seen as the women that lost the America’s Cup. So, no.

KY: And then with the set-up they have now, where they made a separate event.

DR: That’s… silly.

KY: Yes! That’s what I was saying, that I feel like previously it was by rule, open, but de facto all-male, now it seems like it’s de jure all-male, because you’re separating.  

DR: Where it does help, and where it may help the overall event in the future, is because they’re focusing on women and youth, countries like Holland, Australia, I don’t know the other… 

KY: Canada? 

DR: Canada, those countries have an entree for young people with a longer runway, launchpad, to get into whatever the next America’s Cup is. So from a marketing perspective, it’s extremely good. Do I wish that we just had women on the real boats? Absolutely. And in particular, in the US, there’s at least two women that are relegated to the women’s team that absolutely should be on the real team.

KY: I feel like when you say “The Women’s America’s Cup”, that’s different from saying “Women IN the America’s Cup”. 

DR: Correct. 

KY: And with what you were saying, having a women’s team vs a mixed team. That when it’s a women’s team, there’s focus on that, whereas if it’s a co-ed team then it’s just people.

DR: Just people, exactly. We need to sail with people.  

Liv Mackay, Gemma Jones, and Veerle ten Have of the New Zealand Women's America's Cup Team. [x]

KY: Now you work at Oakcliff and you have for 15 years now…

DR: 14.

KY: 14.

DR: It’s only 14. (laughs)

KY: What are some of your duties and responsibilities here? 

DR: I’m the executive director and that means doing everything that needs to get done, from making sure that Matt’s buying the right washing machine ‘cause the kids don’t all take c--– out of their pockets and it ends up in the pumps and breaks them– that’s an eight-hundred-dollar mistake– to getting the art show set up, to the fundraising, to coaching the development person about marketing, to cleaning out the shop, to supervising the composites– although Luke’s doing an amazing job there– to sailing, to coaching. 

KY: What is this art exhibit?

DR: It’s a fundraiser. So, we have an art show April 6th. We have one every spring. Hunt Lawrence is our main benefactor, and his wife is an artist and she has an art school in New York– New York School of the Arts– so we do a joint fundraiser every spring. And then she does a fundraiser in the fall with art shows. So it’s an art exhibit, there’s a champagne brunch, and all the art’s for sale and a portion, minimum 20% up to 100%, goes to Oakcliff. Hunt doesn’t care as much about all of that, he just thinks it’s really cool that we have a deadline to clean up the place from the winter mess to the summer. 

KY: (laughs) Oh my god.

DR: (laughs)

KY: So what is life like for the students here?

DR: You can and should ask them. It depends on the season and the day. I’ve seen more people come through here, we’re at nearly 600 graduates, or over 600 graduates. And some years, it’s kind of the wild west in the beginning, where they’re living offsite and nobody under 18 was allowed. Sometimes we have super-young groups, just because we’re 15 and above. We had one camp where it was 8 boys and girls between 15 and 17, and then 3 women that were in their 60s. And it all worked, but it was awkward in the beginning and it became a great team-building event. At the very end of that particular camp, we had a competition where they divided up into teams and they would do a cooking competition where they could only use stuff that was upstairs, kind of like on Top Chef. They all brought it to my house for lunch and we awarded, I think it was a watermelon soup with a basil-olive oil puree drizzle and a sprinkle of feta that won. 

KY: That sounds great.

DR: It was great. It was a 15-year-old boy that made that.

KY: Are you satisfied with what you’ve achieved at Oakcliff?

DR: We’ve achieved amazing things. Our goal right now is to make it sustainable without me onsite and without our main benefactor. So that’s our next frontier. At the same time, we’re under pressure to expand into Florida and to California, which is totally doable but I need to clone myself a couple times. 

KY: Now that you’ve had so many people come through, what are some of the things you’ve seen your students achieve? 

DR: I go back to Seth Cooley, is one of the top engineers at Future Fibers. Ervin Grove was running the North Sails loft in Charleston. Madeline Baldridge now is married to a coach who was here– and he is a son of our navigator from ‘92, so it’s a small world– she is one of the designers for North Sails. Chris Kennedy works for Melges and he and his wife have a flower farm in Wisconsin. Mark [Towill] and Charlie [Enright] obviously won The Ocean Race. Five of our graduates are working with American Magic. Robyn Lush is working with them a little bit, she’s also become an ultra-marathoner. Koko [Komar] is working in commercial real estate. Mike Nicoletti has a hedge fund. And that’s just off the top of my head.  

X-Men comics and Percy Jackson novels taught me that all good specialized schools for young people with extraordinary talents must be tucked away in small towns just a train ride away from New York City…

KY: Do you feel like you’re almost, I guess, Professor X, finding the young talent and helping them…

DR: Of course. Of course. We’re giving them the opportunity to come in and try things out. It’s not always an easy thing. And it’s a little bit like I suspect parenthood would be. You’re just like, this kid is driving me frickin’ crazy and they hate me right now, and then 5 years later I’ll get an e-mail from them saying, “I was a jerk, and you were mean to me, but I needed it, thank you.” I just wish I didn’t have to do that over and over and over again. But we try to just keep it at a professional level, acknowledge that we’re asking for ultimate effort, and that not everybody’s going to succeed, but you know where the bar is. 

KY: You talked about having the other locations. What are some other things you’re hoping for, for the future of Oakcliff?

DR: Again, the sustainability so that I don’t have to be here. Because it is a model where we have tuition for the Saplings, we have sponsorships, we have art shows. We have income lines, retail, and yet we need to fund-raise for the overhead, essentially. So about 50% of the budget comes from charitable donations. One thing that would make it more sustainable is to be able to get the landlords to agree to sell us the property, because then we would end up net positive on the bottom line. We do a capital campaign so we don’t have to pay rent. We’ve worked on getting the insurance down. So there’s a lot on the business side of it. It’s really boring to people, but we use our dollars. Around 90, I think the lowest we’ve been is 87% of every dollar goes to programming, and we’ve been as high as 96%. So we’re the golden children of utilizing every dollar for programming. 

KY: Would you say that your reputation and star power are important to–

DR: My reputation, I’m not going to say star power, but my reputation and credibility is what built Oakcliff. The good news is that 5 years ago, 8 years ago, everything that happened at Oakcliff would reflect on me. Now Oakcliff’s grown to the point that if I just slowly took a backseat, it’s its own entity, which is a sign of success. Because it can’t be attached. If I get run over by a bus, 8 years ago, everybody would say, well, Oakcliff’s done. Same thing with our main benefactor. Now we’re trying to get it to the point that it’s not surrounding just one person. It’s more of the reputation of quality and a community. 

KY: And I think we can see that it has to be larger than just the person.

DR: Absolutely.

KY: That the leader is not the whole organization, and if the organization is seen as too closely tied to the leader, then anything the leader does reflects on the organization and that can be a weakness.

DR: Exactly.

Oakcliff trainees Sweta Shervegar and Noelle Scheer in the boatyard.

KY: We spoke about the role of the sport of sailing in American culture. There has been, I would say, especially with offshore, sort of a decline in visibility in the past 25 years and so forth. And everyone’s got their own reason for that, y’know–

DR: Well, part of it is that it’s become more accessible. Before, there used to be one race, and only a handful of crazy people dared to do it. Now it’s become safer, more communication, more safety equipment, more rescue opportunities, more people. Again, Cole Brauer, in Class 40, livestreaming dinner parties… I mean, I didn’t take a shower for 5 weeks, and I barely had time to write in my diary and drink Ovaltine. Y’know, so, it’s a different… it’s more accessible, so it seems to be easy, but it’s also become more fractured. 

KY: There’s many different races attracting attention, but also attention in general is more split because of the Internet and more TV channels. But it seems like, also, I feel like now “sports” means “ball sports” more than it used to. 

DR: Say that again?

KY: I feel like now, when I look at ESPN and so forth, “sports” is ball sports more than it necessarily was when you guys were getting your specials on ESPN and so on.

DR: No. When we were back in the day, to have anything on other than football, basketball and baseball in America… even hockey struggled. It’s changed. There’s so much more inventory again, technology allows you to produce high quality broadcast-ready programming, so women’s sports has benefited hugely from that.

KY: Yes. 

DR: Sailing is on TV more than you would think, but there’s also more clutter. 

KY: I remember when the documentary came out, people said, if Mike Plant had lived, then we would have had an American visibly in the Vendée [Globe] and that would have brought more visibility for offshore [racing] in the United States. And now we do have some American offshore figures with 11th Hour Racing and now with Cole Brauer who are getting all of this attention. Do you think that’s a positive development that we have these people who are…

DR: Yeah. Of course it’s positive. The thing is, how do you channel it for a purpose and what is that purpose? Is it more eyeballs for your sponsors? That’s one thing. Is it more people in sailing? That’s a different thing. Is it a more robust industry? That’s another thing. Is it more environmental and ecology awareness? That’s another thing. Just taking this power, which seems to be scattershot, and putting it into a clear mission and achieving that mission. And all missions are achievable, you just have to know what it is that you’re trying to do. I think Cole is a perfect example. She didn’t expect it. So now it’s going to be really interesting, I think she might be going over to MerConcept. She has power right now, I know she has advisors, and her advisors and she have to make a decision. She could do like Ellen MacArthur. Ellen doesn’t sail at all, but she has her Ellen MacArthur Trust and she uses that to do specific charitable work. I think Cole’s probably too energetic, dynamic to stop there. But what does she want to do? 

KY: What do you think that she did well, particularly with the presentation?

DR: The amount of followers she has is crazy. And she has brought in a huge non-sailing audience. And there is a legitimate discussion, like I talked about way back, amongst technical sailors, about the merits and how this happened. And again, she needs to decide what her purpose is and how she’s going to capitalize on something that she’s built that’s amazing. 

[x]

KY: You were talking about also, the 11th Hour people who came through here. What would you say that they have perhaps done well in presentation?

DR: 11th Hour changed the conversation around the environment hugely and now they’re moving on to women with the MerConcept, which is François Gabart. And that’s Wendy Schmidt, that’s from the top, that’s a female decision-maker and leader.

KY: I wanted to say this before, but talking about the management side as well, you said that there has been a social revolution in the past few decades. I actually saw the interview for the 25th anniversary of America^3, where they had Melanie Roberts who’s the race coordinator for America’s Cup and for SailGP. And that she had been, I think, ten years old watching you guys? [Roberts was actually 9 at the time of the 1995 Cup.]

DR: Oh yes. Yes.

KY: The people on the boats get the most attention, but there are people at all levels who are sort of this generation that has been inspired by the people before them. 

DR: Uh-huh. This sport is… it’s complicated. It’s an industry, and a sport, and a lifestyle, and a pastime. It’s all in one. We’re not going to talk about, we don’t need to talk about the Olympics, but that’s part of the national governing body of US Sailing, they also need to figure out what they can do and once they figure that out, they need to do it well. And they’re doing none of it well at this point. Because it’s so complicated. Unlike skiing, perfect example, there’s the Olympic ski team and then there’s the recreational part of it, so all the ski hills have a business association that then spins off some funding for the Olympic team. 

KY: Are there any other people you think who are impressive competing nowadays, who came through Oakcliff or otherwise, who you think I should be following?

DR: I started going through names there, Lena Kurbiel is rowing with Liz Wardley [across the Pacific], so there’s one. Sydney Monahan has finished school, she’s going to do a Women’s Match Racing campaign. Sweta, our high-performance coach, is going to go over to MerConcept, Michaela [Robinson] is going to be over there trying out. If I started looking down the 600 people, I would have 600 names for you to follow.

[darklydeliciousdesires]

The Dream - Chapter Ten.

BESTIES! Who wants a double update? It’s here, you’re getting one! I figured I would, since the next two chapters are a little shorter, both coming in at under 3k in the word count. Going forward, I think we’ll do a 40 note unlock for a double update, and a 30 note unlock for a single one. Sounds fair, doesn’t it? Well, I hope you enjoy what I have in store for you here. Looking forward to your thoughts, as ever :)

Previous chapters - Prologue  One  Two  Three  Four  Five  Six  Seven  Eight  Nine

Tag list - In the comments, please DM to be added/removed (note: those not engaging will be automatically removed from the tag list, FYI)

Words - 2,648

Warnings - 18+ content throughout, minors DNI!

“He’s still acting strange with you, then?” Angel asked, winding noodles around his fork. They were at the Chinese restaurant Keri had said she wanted to take him to, discussing her current predicament with Aaron.  

“Well, kind of,” she began, poking at the pastry on one of the spring rolls before her. “He’ll ask what Rachel, Frankie and I are talking about, and if I say you, then he’ll just close up, or make some remark. He still has you pegged as a scumbag.”

Angel looked entertained by that. “Some people think I am, and if that’s what he wants to believe without ever actually meeting me, then that’s up to him.” He scratched his beard, shrugging. “I ain’t losing sleep over it, neither should you.”

“I’m trying not to, but it irritates me. What you do doesn’t have anything to do with him,” she stated, Angel chewing through his mouthful of food quickly, reaching to cover her hand with his.  

“Don’t let it bother you, especially when he’s only looking out for you. You just don’t like it because it probably throws up a little conflict for you too, doesn’t it?”  

She felt a little uncomfortable at his presenting of the truth like that, but decided it was best to be honest. “A bit, if I’m real with you.”

“All you gotta know is the following; what I do and who I am are very different things, alright?” He paused then, Keri sipping her iced tea, nodding. “How about the other guy in your group, Ash, is it? Does he think the same?”

“I’ve no idea, since we haven’t seen him for more than a half hour at a time, if that, for the past few weeks. He’s two years above us and currently coming to the end of taking his master's degree in biochemistry, so he’s literally absconded to his room or the study suites at college as he prepares for his finals in April. I doubt he’d take an issue, though. You guys have a common ground, a love for Harley’s,” she explained.

“Oh yeah?” Angel was interested at that. “What does he ride?”

She sat and thought on it, trying to remember, knowing she could only come out with something that was going to make her look utterly ridiculous. “Erm, it’s red. That’s about all I can tell you.”

He laughed softly at that. “You’re too cute.”  

“I am as my Instagram bio states, Provo village idiot.”

Her words sparked something in him then, something he’d been meaning to ask for a while. “Speaking of you Insta, I need to know what made you choose the profile name you did. I mean, I know I was boring and just chose my name and birth year, but yeah, kinda curious to know how girl where photo came about?”

Keri was laughing softly before she’d even spoken, remembering the event that had led to it well. “I changed it after something funny that happened about a year ago. We have these students who came over from Thailand at our college, doing some long-term exchange programme through their church, and they’re the sweetest kids but back then, their English was still a little bit basic at best.  

“So, one of them, Trinh, his name is, asked me if I could take some photographs of him to send to his family back home of him up in the mountains where the scenery is so breathtaking, so I agreed. Anyway, I said I’d print the ones he’d chosen, but between our busyness with studies, it took me a while to get them done, and he was obviously quite excited about seeing them, so ran up one morning in the hall and shouted, ‘girl where photo?’ at me. It sounds like he was being rude, but he was just so excited, and he couldn’t remember my name either, so yeah, that explains it. Frankie couldn’t breathe! Every time he sees me now, he yells it at me. It’s our thing.”

He laughed, resting his fork down when he’d finished, Keri taking another bite out of one of the spring rolls before her. “So, tell me how the love of photography started, then. You know, out of all the things we’ve talked about so far, I don't think I ever asked that."

Sitting there listening to her explain how she’d first come to love taking pictures with her grandmother’s old wind on camera when she was four, excitedly visiting the local one-hour photo place with her to get them developed, Angel smiled widely all the way through. He couldn’t help but note that he’d never felt so comfortable with someone in such a short space of time, the way they'd fallen into easy conversation, like two old friends becoming reacquainted after a period of separation.

How he felt when he was with her in his sleep was definitely mirrored by the reality of such, Keri seeming to settle well despite – as he could tell clearly – being quite nervous earlier as they’d left the airport. She’d almost crashed into a concrete post on her way out of the car park.  

As for Keri, if only Angel knew how well she was hiding the fact that inside, all she could hear were panicked honking noises. Supressing her nerves was a battle she was mostly winning, but boy, she was working her ass off to keep it all hidden. Yes, she felt comfortable with him, and he was just a nice as he’d seemed thus far, but she still couldn’t believe he was sitting across the table from her.

This man, this completely irresistibly gorgeous man, a man she would have considered out of her league, was sitting there looking like he was honestly enjoying getting to know her. Her inner self? Anxious. She revealed those thoughts too after they’d left the restaurant, Keri stopping in at Frankie and Jaime’s apartment so she could leave her car behind and Angel could drop his bag inside, taking an Uber down to The Lounge.

“So, how’s it going?” Frankie asked, Keri greeting them both with a kiss while Angel went to the bar.  

“Help! He’s too hot for me, I’m out of my depth and only just holding it together to act like a normal person and not spiral into one long calamity Joe parody of myself!” she hissed, seating herself on the opposite couch, a narrow table dividing them.  

“Love, you need to cease with these thoughts,” Jaime began, reaching to squeeze her wrist. “You have no idea how much of a knockout you are, do you?” Here they were, Keri’s usual nerves and self-doubt when it came to men, especially in that moment, walking in with a very attractive one, the kind of guy that looks wise, she should have always aimed for, rather than selling herself short because she didn’t believe she could do better.  

Keri waved her hand dismissively, shaking her head. “Stop, I am not!” Just then, Angel arrived back with them, placing down a pitcher of margaritas before a surprised looking Frankie and Jaime, and the same with beer for him and Keri, plus two glasses he pulled from his back pockets. He indicated he’d be back, returning with exactly the same order again.

“You trying to get us wasted there?” Frankie asked, arching an eyebrow.  

“Ah, shit. She sussed me,” he laughed, before pointing back at the bar. “Your local ice hockey team just walked in, so I double ordered everything. Ain’t nobody getting close to that bar between the big dudes and all the hockey groupies down there.”

“I believe the term is puck bunny,” Jaime spoke, pouring out a fresh drink for her and Frankie. “And you say that like you’re not a big dude when really, you’re what? Six three?”

“Yeah, about that,” he confirmed, passing a beer to Keri. “I feel like a damned giant compared to this one.”  

“Everyone is a giant compared to me and my five four tininess.” she laughed, cringing a little. Their conversation moved on, the girls all getting to know Angel a little better, laughing hard at stories of his youth, some of the antics he found himself involved in, the kind of life he’d had so very different from theirs. He enjoyed it, too, in turn hearing about them, learning of their lives, yet there was only one person he craved alone time with in order to do more of the same.

“What?” he questioned hours later when they’d returned to the apartment, Keri grinning to herself beside him, both all bundled in a comforter and blankets to ward out the chilly February cold. When the heat went off in the apartment, the temperature dropped quickly, and boy, you felt it.  

“Nothing,” she spoke softly, shaking her head. “I'm just having a 'holy shit he's right there' moment again. It's good, but still weird.”

He could identify with such. “Same. I can't believe I'm here either.” His smile reached his gorgeous, dark eyes, reaching to squeeze her shoulder. “So, tell me things about you that I don’t already know, then.”

Her eyes widened a fraction, and it made his pulse skip. She was even lovelier than her pictures or presence in his dreams had alluded to. “Gosh!” she began, combing her hair away from her face with her fingers. “I don’t even know where to start!”  

“Alright, I’ll ask, you tell?” he suggested, Keri nodding.  

“Okie dokie, and you answer too!” And so, they began.

“What’s something you have more knowledge about more than anybody else you know?” Oh, that was an interesting choice. Thinking on it, he didn’t seem the type who’d be interested in run of the mill, getting to know you small talk. And as she replied about her love and knowledge of Nikon cameras, with Angel asking interesting specifics, she truly saw that he was much smarter than he appeared in how he articulated himself.  

His wasn’t academically smart, but she enjoyed how direct he was, how original the questions were that he asked of her, and how perceptive he appeared to be. Therefore, she matched him, knowing that he wouldn’t be the type to be pacified by asking what his favourite movie or colour was. In truth, neither was she.  

“If you could sit and spend an evening talking to anyone from history, alive or dead, who would it be?”

He beamed. “Yo, that’s a fuckin’ great question.” He took a pause, considering his options. The fantasy woman of his early teens, model Helena Christensen immediately popped into his head, but it would be gauche to reply with a beautiful woman, and he could do much better than that. “Che Guevara. I admire those who don’t play by the rules in order to achieve a better balance where power is concerned. Rebellion and revolution, people who stand up against oppression, I think it’s brave and bold, amazing even, the ripple effect that one person and their ideas can cause. How about you?”

Her reply was immediate. “Annie Leibovitz. The way she captures so much personality of her subjects in her photography, making the images so deeply personal, almost like they’re just a moment captured in a sequence of motion. Her images might be still, but they move. They have vibrance, some of her works even remind me of Renaissance paintings. She’s truly masterful.”  

“I guess there’s a lot more to photography than there appears at first glance, right? It ain’t just about pointing a camera at your subject and clicking. I think it’s a really interesting art form, although I know very little about it. What’s your favourite picture you’ve ever taken?”  

Immediately, she reached for her phone. “This one got taken off of my Instagram, even though I censored the boobies, but here.” Clicking on the image, it enlarged, Keri turning her phone to show Angel the photograph of Frankie, naked but a Pride flag wrapped around her waist, one hand holding herself up as she swung from the overhead bars of the black iron fire escape outside of the apartment, the other hand raising her middle finger, a cigarette hanging from the corner of her glossed pout. “It’s just her, unapologetically her. I captured the entire essence of Frances Scarvo in one picture, which was my aim.”

Angel studied it, loving the details, the light, the way the shadows fell over her lithe muscles, the shaft of sunlight shining down onto the tall building glinting the defiance in her eyes. “I fucking love it, you’re right, the way you’ve captured so much of her in it. I mean, I don’t even know her, but what I’ve noticed in her, her total confidence and pride in being an out lesbian, her humour and her strength, it’s all here. It’s unapologetic, just like you said. You should print this for her and frame it.”

“Already did,” she revealed. “It’s hanging in the bedroom, next to one I took of Jamie in a bubble bath. One I ended up slipping on the edge of the tub and falling into with her fully clothed. I just about had chance to throw my camera at Frankie and save it, rather than save myself.”  

He laughed softly, imagining it. “Calamity Joe strikes again, huh?”

“Don’t you start calling me that, too!” The laughter they shared was so natural and easy, Angel loving that she didn’t take herself too seriously, her slight clumsiness a source of her own amusement just as much as it was everyone else’s.  

He reached for her, thumb skimming her cheek, the gesture small, but big enough to make her heart flutter. “It’s good to see you relax a little at last. I’ve noticed it, how hard you’ve been working to not let your nerves get the better of you.  

Shit. And she thought she’d fooled him. Angel Reyes, it seemed, was even more perceptive than she’d realised. “I want to be like I am with you in our dreams,” she began, Angel raising an eyebrow in a manner that bordered on lascivious. “Not like that!” she admonished playfully, slapping his chest with the back of her hand. “Well, not yet, anyway. You get what I mean, though.”

At the suggestion of those connotations manifesting in reality, he felt a little flicker of arousal stir within his depths. He couldn’t help it, the attraction he felt only strengthening in reality. “I do, I understand.” He’d keep it in check, though, for her comfort. “Okay, I thought of something else. If you could visit any period of time in history, when would you choose and why?”

“One of the prehistoric ages, so I could witness dinosaurs, the cretaceous period in particular. As long as in this hypothesis I could be somewhere safe, I’d love to sit and view them, the triceratops, the velociraptors, the tyrannosaurs rex. Can you imagine how incredible that would be? I have so much awe about them. There’ve been quite a few remains found in Moab, so I like to visit whenever I have time, go and see the skeletons in the museum there. I never get bored. How about you?”  

All the way through her explanation, she’d noticed his smile widening, his reply confirming what she was beginning to think. “Exactly the same. All that shit is fascinating. You gotta take me to that museum! I’ve never been to see the bones in person before, but looking at pictures, the scale ones that show just how huge they were, it’s mind-blowing, trying to imagine something that big ever walking the earth.”

Finding something they were both geeks over kept them talking for a long time before their conversation eventually moved on, 2am rolling around, and neither feeling even remotely tired. Even if they were, they wouldn’t have been prepared to have called time on something they were enjoying so much.  

[makemeanangelpure]

April 10, 2024- 111.6

I can get back down to 108 by Friday morning by just doing what I do, and keeping to the liquid fast. I tried cooking for myself when Soul left. Nothinh astounding I guess, just an egg sandwich that’s special because it’s what momma used to make me when I was little and her and papa were still together… when they seemed alright at least… but it’s a comfort I guess and ever since I made it for Soul, I’ve been having one sometimes. It’s not the same though. I think eating it just makes me sad. I haven’t seen her in so long. But like momma I’ll make them for him, because he really likes them. Soup is pretty adamant about anything I cook and lately has had such a love for cream cheese chicken that he told me he dreamt about it the other night. Haha. Next time I make that I intend have half of one, take a few bites and then put it in the fridge. Then the time after that not have any do he can work out all 4, as is or I can put a sliced one on a sandwhich like he was drooling about. He’s so cute. I love feeding him after a hard day of missions and/or school activities. So I tried to eat the sandwich earlier… and I just felt… too full and gross… I drank water to try and help the nausea but I wound up getting sick… so I won’t make one for me in awhile… it’s really greasy anyway… I should be eating things more clean like fruit and vegetables and maybe I’ll boil my eggs… cause protein will help will my muscle build and my body will burn more naturally that way during the day so I’ll be super healthy! ^^

Soul is going to get home pretty late after piano practice and basketball with Kid and Blackstar, so he’ll bring something to eat home. Sometimes he’ll eat half with them and finish it home later with me. Our meal times together are usual so it makes me happy hes even subconsciously out of his way to have dinner time with me. Getting sick like that stole my energy, and I want to read some on my rest day today, so I’m having an energy drink. I used to never drink them, but soul has the Reign sometimes and I found sometimes when I’ve uo too late studying, it’s just what I need for a little kick here and there. I’ll get a case maybe when we go grocery shopping Sunday, among more necessary things like toilet paper and tooth paste. I got a part time job to help with living. You know grants can’t pay for everything forever. I’m really happy for soul too, he picked up a few shifts at a record shop we live pretty close too, just a 5 minute drive on his motorcycle, so I don’t have to worry about him being too late when he’s sluggish in moving around, doesn’t have to be there til 11 anyway. I tried so hard to find a bookstore to work at… but nothing was available unfortunately, so I’m making do with retail, working register or organizing shelves. They sell a lot of older items and the people that come in a pretty nice. Tomorrow I get to open the store which is nice. First time doing that so I’m a little nervous. My manager said if I’m still doing well in a month or two, he’s going to move me to the back to help with truck. It would be 7-3 pm shifts. Lots of lifting, tagging merchandise and stacking and the last 3 hours I could be called to go help with register but it would be fun to be promoted and get to basically workout with weights instead of the more cardio base that’s happening now. So yay! I just have to keep it up to get to that point. Which reminds me soul’s birthday is a month and half away now. He’ll be 17 which is amazing for him, I know he’s so excited to be 18, but still just enjoying the moment… I guess he’s taught me that it’s okay to look forward to something but not let it overwhelm you… just enjoy the the ride. The month after I’ll be 16! I know sweet 16 is a big thing, but I really prefer putting together surprises for other people. I almost feel bad sometimes when so much is attention is on me. It will be fun though, I’d really love to just cook everyone something and play games, or go out for sushi and go to an arcade… OR a picnic and swimming party since it’ll be summer time. The hassle of swimsuits though… I mean I don’t mind it… I love swimming and I’ve really missed it… it just going to be kind of embarrassing. I don’t know. The last thing I want to hear is how small my chest is… or I don’t fit a swimsuit right or ‘ of course I’m wearing a one piece.’ I kind of feel like the odd one out. Tsubaki, Liz and Patty and Blaire… they have beautiful womanly bodies… and I’m just different. My momma had a petite frame too- I’m not mad at her for the body she gave me… I can go down a rabbit hole about papa not being satisfied with momma and that’s why he treated… all the women I see him with definitely look a certain way. Whatever. If we swim for my birthday… I might even recommend it and I’m sure the others would bounce on the idea… beach volleyball… the boys would love. Liz would drag me and tsubaki to go tan a little while, so warm in the sun, and Patty and kid could make amazing sand castles and giraffes. Haha. Soul would be happy about popsicles. Creamsicle sounds so good!

I’m blabbering so much but I haven’t really said everything out loud before… or written it down really I just think about everything.

So swimming in two months and half potentially, well actually it’s for sure going to happen that sounds so fun. Liz will love if I ask her to help me find a nice swimsuit, and be totally positive about me getting a two piece. I think I will… maybe it can be light blue or white? My body and face is still really soft. I guess you could call it baby fat, and being more active lately, being more carful about what I eat, I can kind of see a bit of toned stomach action happening. I’m excited for what I can achieve in two months and even the one you know? Getting rid of baby fat and butterflying cacooning into my more young adult body will be good. I’m always going to be small and I’m trying to work on being okay with that, so I just have to make myself as proud as possible of the way I look. I’m going to look strong and healthy, so what if I don’t have the greatest curves, I’ll have skinny curves… angles and definition that I earned by working so hard. I’m almost 5’3 instead of 5’0 now from when we first moved in together and I was 14 so my baby weight is evening out and gosh soul is growing too. He already called me shorty but sometimes he looks down at me in such this smug way, like he’s so cool for being taller. He’s almost 5’7 now. I assume he’ll stop growing at 5’9 since I think Wes is around there or 5’10. Soul has always looked really handsome and like me, he’s growing into a more young adult version of himself, angels of his facial features a little more sharper, shadowed by a vague sleepiness like always, more movement to the way his scar runs along his chest in abdomen from natural definition. He’s the type of person to not workout barely at all, and look like he must go 3 days a week and eat like a clean freak, but nope, typical boy like Blackstar to be able to hork down unhealthy food and still look like he puts the work in. Ah being young with a great metabolism. Haha.

Oh what else…?

Oh yeah, last I made an entree, I was saying how I was nervous to get my hair cut, to repair damage and try something new for the warmer weather. Liz got highlights in her hair too, and even trimmed her front hair pieces ( evenly of course) to frame her face; it looks so pretty she’s like one of those victorious secret models. Tsubaki didn’t cut her hair, just a basic trim. She so pretty all the time, and Patty did a more blunt look with her bangs. My hair is shoulder length now, so we took 5 inches of dead hair off. It’s a big change. I can’t really wear my hair in pigtails right now in my normal mid spot because the hair at the nape of my neck is just barely too short to stay pulled up. I can do really tiny low pigtails but it’s really not helping with my “ growing up glow up” as the Thompson put it. I’ve been wearing it in half up pigtails when we’ve gone on missions so my hair isn’t swinging around in my face, like I did for the dance two years ago. But my hair will be around my upper arms in October, and then I’ll fully put my hair up again, and it won’t matter if it’s a more girlish hairstyle, I’ll be so confidently me by then it won’t even matter and I can pull off anything. Since I’ve lost some baby weight, I’ve noticed Soul doesn’t really knock at me having ‘ fat ankles ‘ anymore like he used to joke. Maybe he realized it hurt my feelings or i actually did have bigger legs and don’t anymore… if so then goodbye preteen fat. He’s been sweet too, picking me up from the couch to carry me to bed and either he’s just proud of how strong he is, but doesn’t brag because that wouldn’t be cool, or I’m actually fun to pick up because… like me lifting him in scythe form, it’s not a challenge? Rather than poking fun at me in what feels like an almost mean, taunting way, he’s been calling me ‘ itty bitty’ and ‘ little maka’ when he’s done his proud looking down at me..: or we’re just walking around town and sat for some deathbucks and he just kinda set his hand over mine, emphasizing how he could hide my fingers completely with his, sounding like he was marveling instead of mocking me when he said, “ you’re so tiny.” His comments are sounding more like compliments than half annoyed jabs, and I guess it’s him just becoming g more mature? Either way, it’s made me feel really nice and even a little more proud of my petite stature. If my partner thinks it’s cute rather than unattractive and off putting, then why should I feel so bad? He hasn’t said anything about my chest in awhile… maybe because I’m not so flat chested anymore? I did go from an A32 to a B32, and I think honestly where my chest size will be sitting at even when I’m momma’s age. Maybe he’s noticed I’ve grown a little… maybe he’s too embarrassed to say anything? Maybe it wouldn’t be cool to point out my chest or body changing at all because he doesn’t want to get slapped with a book? I’m overthinking everything… but doesn’t it feel kind of nice imagining he’s been able to see me grow and evolve some the same way I’ve seen him. I just texted him to tell him I’m proud of him. I know how much it bothers him his parents not approving of his work and how he’s going his own way about things apart from his family’s expectations. We were hugging a few months back after a slight argument I don’t even really remember what it was about but we were hugging about frogging eachother afterwards and I teared up telling him how proud I was of him if he ever felt like no one saw how hard he was working, I did. I feel his soul swell with emotion, and he’d tighten his hold on me, uttering a cool thank you, though I’d heard the way his breath shook like he was soft. I keep thinking about that day a lot, so I hope even when I don’t say it, he knows how proud I am of him. I know he’s proud of me too, especially lately trying to be nicer to papa, comforting me too when plans with him don’t really work out. I cried on his chest a few weeks ago when I made plans with papa and he forgot… too drunk when he’d been talking to me I guess to remember because when I went where we supposed to meet

[alyjojo]

April 🤯 2024 Monthly - Sagittarius

Preshuffle: You’re moving away from any drama or stress, towards something you want, and you don’t care who or what has something to say about it. Or you’re traveling somewhere you’re excited about & you’re happy to go.

Meditation: An outdoor scene, it looked like a park with black moldy gunk all over it, skeletons, like some kind of nuclear accident. The Sun started burning up all of the gunk and in its place, flowers & trees started to grow very quickly, all of the greenery came back. You could be waking up to some gunk in your life/environment even, that needs to go, it’s being illuminated for you with The Sun ☀️ Possibly the eclipse.

Main energy: King of Wands

I assume this is your energy, you’re confident in a leadership role and taking action towards the things you want - with support even, this King is very popular with the people, no matter which lane this is regarding - love is being highlighted with the Romance card for some, but I’m feeling a brand new beginning in some way for all of you in some way, love or not. Because Mercury is retrograding Aries and you’re also fire, you can expect delays and some general irritation. I see a lot of defensive energy here, it’s trying to hide or control itself, you’re trying not to act impulsively, speak too soon, or fk up your chances on something - that may be harder some days than others because you’re easily triggered this month. This King is clarified by 7 Wands rev & Ace of Swords, showing that whatever caused you to feel like you need to speak your mind and tell other people to have a seat - isn’t necessary, or helpful here. That could be something that needs release, like whatever this is, there’s no reason to be defensive. So why are you? 6 Pentacles at the bottom shows equal give and take, generosity, reciprocity, working with people - it’s not you vs. them.

What’s going on in April:

3 Swords rev:

You’re seeing light in a situation similar to the sun in your meditation, though it’s not out here (yet/maybe). You’ve gone through something very difficult, it broke your heart at the time, and you’ve since healed from this and let it go. I do see you having taken the necessary time to process your emotions, or this healing could’ve been literal and had to do with an illness of some kind - you or someone else. You might have had to release something, a person, pet, something close to your heart, in whatever way you had to - it left you hurt. Now you’re in a place where the muck is seeing the daylight and it’s drying up, time for a new beginning.

The Magician:

There’s a lot of new energy here, Ace of Swords is like waking up and seeing the light, you’ve got The Fool, The Magician, and Origin. Your future is whatever you make it out to be, everything here is fluff and stuff except for these two majors - it’s a new start no matter what you do or don’t do, you’re supposed to have that. If you don’t like the fluff (minor arcanas), change it 🤷 You can appreciate the newness of everything, being a sign that loves to explore and experiment, and you could be meeting up with friends, coworkers, people you haven’t seen in a long time even. Wheel of Fortune shows good fortune, you’re creating the next best thing with the opportunities you see before you, and you’re jumping in head first, Victory at the bottom. You’re being celebrated in some way, or celebrating someone else, it’s a happy gathering of like minds 🎉

The Fool:

You’re offered up some kind of new opportunity that you’re very excited about but I do get a pause for some of you…more information is needed. You can start something yes, and The World clarifies showing you’re not sure you want to take the risk because of whatever would have to be closed out or left behind in order to do that. You go back and forth. This could be due to another person involved, there’s a Queen of Wands at the bottom that’s connected with shock, heavy & overflowing emotions, they won’t see it coming. Like say your boss offers to move you to idk…Utah. You may be willing to dive right in but your person is like WHAT??? And gets very emotional, their whole life is here. There. Wherever.

Or if you’re single, there could be someone you find really attractive, they match you energetically, and maybe they’re revealing these deep emotions to you that you never saw coming, acting out emotionally even. It may not come off in the best way but this person isn’t against you, like there’s nothing to defend with this. Someone like this is why you don’t just act immediately, or for someone this is switched, your person could be getting some kind of opportunity you never saw coming and it’s making you feel a way or affecting you, like it’s a panicky feeling 🙀 bringing up all sorts of emotions.

8 Wands rev:

You’re not taking action, not this month anyway, it’s like you’re putting something on pause, whether you have to offer up an excuse or some kind of “I’ll get back to you”, that’s possible. Some may get ghosted 👻 You’re giving in to whoever is emotional around you, or they are if this is you, and in the meantime making any sort of Judgement call is halted. It’s possible you’re trying to manipulate this person into doing what you want them to do, or that’s switched. If someone’s upset, you’ll just wait until they’re not so upset, or try to find a middle ground with 6 Pentacles beneath this person. Now for some you’re just ghosting someone that has deep emotions for you, in order to do something/someone else, 2 Pentacles can show that too. I don’t really get player energy, more like sudden changes not everyone is on board with - but for you, most of you are running your own show.

Knight of Swords rev:

Yeesh. Clarified by Strength rev, this person, King of Cups rev. One of these cards isn’t the worst but altogether it’s just bleh. You could be dealing with someone whose words cut like knives, very aggressive, emotionally manipulative, immature, cries a lot or for the sake of getting what they want, and yet there’s a strong dominant energy with that. Or that may be you putting this person in their place, maybe they’re doing that to you. If not that, you may just not know enough about something to move forward with it, because you’re not confident about the thing itself…or your partner’s reaction more likely. Or that’s why they’re halted & that’s the goal. Don’t let another person stop you from your goals, manipulation definitely shouldn’t be the thing showing up in order to get what you want - or them, whoever. Ace of Swords is used to cut through the bs and it’s being shown that’s needed, crystal clear communication and the rest of the fluff and stuff can go. Ick tar, dry it all up it doesn’t belong here, you know what’s best for you 🙏 Feels like you, having the Intuition card and Merit Making, whatever decision you’re being led to feels positive for you. You could be deciding a relationship, someone you’re dating, or anyone else that is not good for you based on some kind of bs tactics they try to use on you - you know better. For someone it’s possible you DO head off in another direction and someone is being left behind - and biting your head off about that, in that case there is no reconciliation it’s just a “nope” from you.

Signs you may be dealing with:

Heavy Libra & Gemini, Leo, Capricorn, Sagittarius & Cancer

Oracle: ✨

37 Emotional Release 🌧

We all want to be strong. As humans we value strength and independence. But also as humans we need the support of our family, our friends, our tribe. Trying so hard to be strong, pushing down emotions such as fear, anger, betrayal, sadness, only forced them to grow and become stronger. The bubbling up and release that eventually comes takes everyone involved by surprise, and sometimes does harm in terms of hurt feelings and words that cannot be taken back. Get into the practice of voicing your feelings - even if it’s just acknowledging them to yourself. Journal, create, dance. Find a way that you can safely feel your most feared emotions. Feel them and then let them go. This is a potentially deep healing for you.

38 Growth 🪴

This situation or time is one of rapid growth. The seeds that have been planted have germinated and taken root. Go with the flow of this growing time. You may find people and situations falling away from your life, as now they do not serve who and what you are becoming. It may be that your vibration no longer resonates with theirs. It’s okay, wish them well, be grateful for what they brought to you and you to them, and send them on their way. Room has now been made for new experiences, people, and situations to help you to your next level. If you are not feeling this shift right now, be prepared because it will soon come to pass.

Merit Making 🙏

Goodness - Humanness - Morality

Origin 🌱

Initiation - Creativity - Vitality

Romance 🥰 - Venus Taurus

Intuition 🤔 - Mercury Cancer

We enter into April as:

Charmaine Chartreuse 🗣

“I never met a person I didn’t like.”

Charmaine Chartreuse suggests you begin finding the good in others. So much is lost when we do not appreciate those around us, for we lose the wonderful gifts of who they are. Appreciating differences will enrich your present situation. This can be a warning that you’ll lose a valued relationship if you do not appreciate what you have. Thinking the best of another person is more powerful than putting them down. Do not attempt to choose sides. Getting others to agree with you that someone else is wrong will also backfire, you may find yourself alone if you are not thoughtful. Wasting energy focusing on something you shouldn’t is also denoted here. Gossip is an indication you’re not focusing on your own life. What we think may not be the truth of the matter. Be aware now of how you speak of another, for the things you say will come back to you at this time. “Doing your own thing” may leave you lonely, and an aloof attitude may lead others to believe you don’t like them, when that isn’t true. If you’re feeling cut-off, consider that others may be waiting for you, and take a cue from Charmaine, being kind is called for from you, even if others are behaving in an inappropriate way.

What is to be learned in April:

She Shaman 🧝🏾‍♀️

“I will guide you to your muse.”

She Shaman whispers to you “Do not be like the old birch and wait for anyone else to tell you of your muse. Connect with it!” This is your destiny calling. The path you have chosen is an artistic one. The universe is waiting for you to begin your dance and express your love in a tangible art form. The time is now, the moment has arrived, it is a time for decisions to be made. Dance! Rejoice! Do not seek council outside of yourself to confirm what you know to be true inside. Do not wait for permission to act. You must trust your instinct and act from the voice within. Let go of any need for approval, your answers are within. You will not be alone, Spirit is with you.

Wine may be a lucky color ❤️💜

[sparklecinnamonbunny]

My Personal MTL OC Week 2023 Retrospective

*waves* Hey y’all, I thought I’d link to all the works I created this past week and provide a little commentary of my experience with them to cap things off. This is secretly more for me to look back on than for anyone to enjoy, but I might as well share it and see if I can’t start a trend. @pan-flute-skeleton talked shop with me a bit and inspired this idea, but I’d also love to hear other’s thoughts/experiences with this fandom event!

Day 1: OC X OC (X OC) — The Naked Dismissal I came out of the gate swinging by tackling a crossover piece by pairing Sunday with two characters that weren’t mine! I knew I wanted to write Sunday salivating after Caj, but the whole scenario didn’t come together until I was clowning around in Discord and curiouslyhigh and chordsykat egged me on to write Caj/Sunday/Teja since timelines don’t matter. This was a blast to write and I’m looking forward to going back and writing the Pornographer’s Cut. Thanks again to both of them for loaning me their fandom bicycles! Also, if you haven’t seen it already, Chordsy hit me with a gorgeous piece of retaliation art of the unlikely trio! Day 2: Best Friends or Rivals — A Matter of Perspective Ch. 1  “First Impressions”: I felt like I had this absurd momentum pretty much all week, and A Matter of Perspective showcases it. Spellbound begins in medias res, so I had a ton of room to explore things before Sunday meets Nathan. I intended to play up Sunday and Dick’s friendship with this one, while starting Ava off as competition, but then I thought of a cohesive theme for the whole piece and put Knubbler on the backburner.

This one also netted me a new OC, Envy, who we haven’t seen in the Spellbound ‘verse yet, but who I do get to show in the 80s kickin’ it with Azure Blue and SnB Pickles. Day 3: Style Swap — A Matter of Perspective Ch. 2  “Big Easy Barbie and the Price of Leather”: It’s a tie between this one and the canonically impossible threesome for my favorite work of the week. Ava Sunbeam was originally written to fill a stereotypical music show judge role I needed in Spellbound (and to parody a couple pop artists), but she’s grown a lot of nuance and her own arc. 

In addition to saccharine themes of understanding and kindness, it shines a light on some of Sunday and Ava’s red flags. Sunday’s POV forgives a lot of sins on her part. I had fun making them very obvious. There’s also some secret Ava lore that adds to the overall vibe of both parts.

Day 4: Canon X OC — Six Ways to Sunday I started this piece in April, intending to use it for MTL Rare Pair Month’s “What Could’ve Been” and “Canon X OC” prompts and got stuck a little over halfway through. I brought it back out for this thinking ‘Oh, I’ve just got to write the sex scene and edit, this should be easy,’ but I still struggled. I don’t like it and I don’t have a reason other than ‘this was stupidly hard to write’. 

Day 5: OC Fusion Canon X OC again — Spellbound Ch. 9, “Ultimatumklok” After the struggle I had with Six Ways to Sunday, I was kind to myself and finished up a chapter of Spellbound for Friday instead of learning a fusion dance. I’ve been super excited about this chapter (and the next couple to follow) for a while. This chapter manages to set things up and provide some warm n fuzzy payoff at the same time, all while sneaking in some sweet sweet lore dumps.  Day 6: Dethkids — What Goes Around Comes Around I intended this to be a punchline to the end of the SkwisDay smut. It got away from me so quick. Between Sunday and Skwisgaar’s feud and CEO and CFO having real talk, my plan of ‘goof-fueled crackfic’ went sideways. We did get back to madness at the end, though. I’ve added a couple one-shot ideas to further this AU to my WIP pile. Final Thoughts — I’m so thankful that I had the time and energy to participate! I put out over 18,000 words of Metalocalypse fanfic this week. I haven’t written this much in such a short time since my last NaNoWriMo! I’m especially proud of the fact that I put out five coherent stories (Sunday & Ava’s two go together, but can stand alone). I’ve always struggled with finishing WIPs once I start them. This shows me that I can finish what I start if I put my mind to it. :)

[findingmypeace]

I attended another CEU course today (my license renewal is next week so I need to finish them up). We did breakout rooms. There were three of us in my breakout room. Just my luck that one of them is a therapist at the treatment center I’m about to be admitted to. 🙃 I almost privately messaged her to make her aware of the situation but I decided against and that if she remembers me I’ll just deal with it then. It’s always fun when you’re in a professional setting with someone that knows the other side of you.

Also, this coming weekend is Memorial Day weekend. My sister and her friends are coming down here for a mini vacation and they will be staying at my place. And by ‘friends’ there are 4 of them plus my sister. My sister said they’d mostly be out of my hair and that they just need a place to sleep. My concern is the eating disorder while they’re here. I don’t know if I can hide it. I don’t want that to be an issue while they’re here. I’m just nervous about it. But I am very, very excited to see my sister. When she first said this might be happening I started making plans. It will be nice to see her, especially with the exception of my brother who lives here I haven’t seen any of my family in person since my sister’s wedding last April. I very much love my family and at the same time I needed to cut my parents off. Loving my family so much is why it hurts so much. I got sidetracked so, yes, I am very excited to see my sister even if she is with 4 other friends, lol.