#I haven’t been here in over a year
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I came back from the dead to laugh at how Zayn was able to easily cover up Gogo’s eyes like we all said he would be able to😭
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dug up an old scogan doodle to celebrate the new wolverine film :}
#scogan#scott summers#logan howlett#if god hates gays why do we keep winning#my art#richter-kale#x men#not their rooms being in the same wing …. okay queers#i actually hate this but i’ve been really yearning to get back on here and i haven’t drawn anything good in over a year so :D#wolverine#cyclops
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prodigal son
#been too long since i drew Vylad in the morning light#i feel bad for all the ppl who followed me bc i posted mcd and then i haven’t in over a year#sorry guys here’s my apology#it’s the boy#vylad ro'meave#mcd vylad#minecraft diaries#mcd#minecraft diaries fanart#mcd fanart
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oh pallas and agnes power dynamic you really are SO unbelievably fucked,,,,,
#haven’t been able to write in days so i am posting instead. forgive me.#it’s just so. like. okay pallas has all of the material power here that’s not a question they’ve got much stronger magic they#know how the library works they’re directly placed in a mentorship role at the beginning re agnes she depends on them#for everything.#but also#pallas is very much Not Doing Well mentally (<- understatement of the century) and is pathologically incapable of processing their own#emotions related to this AT ALL. and in the process of trying very very hard to get to Know pallas (so pallas will Like her so pallas will#want to keep her alive) agnes kind of comes to understand a lot of pallas’s issues even better than pallas does and pallas starts to depend#on her for emotional support in a way they NEVER have with anyone else.#and pallas’s ability to show vulnerability has been soooo wrecked beyond belief that to them doing things like sharing part#of their backstory and being visibily hurt around someone is tantamount to placing a knife in someone’s hand and#then circling all of their weak points with a giant red marker while going ‘HEY STAB HERE’#so in their mind by doing this they’re giving agnes an IMMENSE amount of power over them like enough to kill them dead even though very#little else has changed about their dynamic. so pallas believes that they’re standing on much more equal ground then they really are#and agnes partly believes it too she thinks that by seeing this much of how broken down pallas is she’s finally found the balance in their#relationship she’s finally found a way to make it stable. and yeah. to some extent this is true!#pallas DOES listen to agnes more than any other person agnes IS the first person in years to understand them this much pallas’s dependence#on her for their mental wellbeing DOES give her some measure of power over them. but that power is given out on pallas’s terms is the thing#whether they’re aware of that or not. agnes wouldn’t have anything if pallas didn’t actively choose to be vulnerable with her there’d be#no way she’d learn about anything no way she’d get to play this role in their life#they believe that this thing is much more equal much more sustainable than it really is (pallas especially) and they’re#literally all each other have#grabs your face are you listening THEYRE ALL EACH OTHER HAVE IN THIS PLACE THEYRE BOTH IN SUCH HORRIFIC SITUATIONS AND THEY R EATING#EACHOTGER TO SURVIVE!!!!#head in fucking hands#wip: ghost story#pallas and agnes
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okay, so its officially been a year since i posted my first milex fanfic and i just wanted to say the most MASSIVE thank you to everyone who’s left comments/kudos/messages on it over the last twelve months 💗 writing this fic pulled me out of long drought of writer’s block and truly restored my joy in writing, and i am eternally grateful to alex and miles and their wonderful music (and ridiculous exploits) for inspiring me, but also to everyone who supported and encouraged me to keep writing. whether you left comments on this fic right from the start, or just started reading it last week - i truly can’t begin to adequately express how much it means to know that something you’ve written is being enjoyed by or means something to other people. thank you all so SO much 💖
#please excuse the soppiness#i’m just feeling a little emotional over this#thinking about me a year ago posting the first chapter of this and having no idea where it was going to take me#ie back into the kind of inspiration and joy in creativity i’d been missing for such a long time#but also into the most wonderful fandom that i’m so so happy to be a part of 🥹#here comes the sun#(also to readers of four walls i promise i haven’t forgotten about the next update - i’m just recovering from a cold rn but will post asap)#milex#lulu posts
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at least once a day the rage and nausea and grief take over and my brain just goes “where is he??? where is liam????” and i do NOT like the answer so much that the denial immediately settles in
#there have been deaths personal to me that haven’t hurt me this much#i think it’s the loss of my safe space#my comfort#every memory of the last 12 years i’ve had here is tainted by sadness and loss#not to mention the absolute unnecessary death of a young person#like. he’s only two years older than me#our lives have barely begun#and his is over#and it’s not fucking fair
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Maybe you found the spot on the map
But lost the kid on the way to the mark
Tell me now were you digging for gold
Or digging yourself in a hole?
Now tell me “now, where’s the head in the clouds?”
Now tell me “now, where’s the bright eyed lad?”
Now tell me “now, where’s the kid tellin’ tall tales?”
Siren, Colm R. McGuinness
I can’t explain the emotion this song gives me about my dragon age ttrpg character Saeed but it’s making me cry
#my oc#creations#Saeed#Saeed Piraeus#we haven’t even gotten into things that would make me this emotional over him#like we’ve just been chillin in this mansion#granted it’s 500 years in the future after being kidnapped by fae#I’m feeling grief for things that haven’t even happened#it’s what if#what if one day#his dream was to be a famous writer! Varric levels of famous!#he’s also a performer! sings and plays instruments for crowds!#and now he’s in this future where magic doesn’t exist anymore#he’s the last of his kind in so many ways#tevinter doesn’t exist anymore#mages don’t exist anymore#adventurers and bards don’t either#and now he’s treated like a hot commodity#bc magic#his home is on the bones of redcliff castle#he is mourning so much but he’s the master of the house and has to put up this front that he’s doing okay!#people only care because he’s new and has magic#they don’t care otherwise#(except the other party members)#me: I need to figure Saeed out I need to connect w him!#my brain today: okay!!! here’s stuff to cry about!!!!!!!#I have to dm today in like 30 mins and im CRYING#about a different game!!! aaaaaa!!!!
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“The dog walks in and the crow lies in his jaw like lead”
#barnabas bennett#the magnus archives#just a little doodle there was meant to be more#but I’m tired and wanted to post some more art it’s been a minute#I haven’t drawn Barnabas in well over a year#she’s mtf btw not pictured here I just find it important#click for better quality#rare art sighting
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We never went to London again. ❤️
#dw I didn’t get ran over!! (if I did I wouldn’t be here rn)#just realised I haven’t shared this photo to anyone. not even the ALF LOL.#well only the people in that group but whatever it’s inactive#it has been for years!#also yes - I had green hair back then..
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This is the spiritual successor to Four Seasons Landscaping. To me.
#the political career of rishi sunak over the past two years is something that is absolutely fascinating to me#mans kicks off the mass resignation of virtually everyone of relevance in the johnson government just for a shot at power#manages to climb over everybody else in the leadership campaign; loses at the last hurdle to liz truss#(the human embodiment of a soggy ball of iceberg lettuce you left in your fridge and forgot about)#when truss’s premiership imploded he was right there to… further cock things up?#his highlights include hiring back a cabinet minister who had literally been fired the previous day#after 18 months; his party finally got sick enough of him violently hydroplaning down the highway to hell that they threatened him#with a vote of no-confidence#so he went out in the rain and went straight to charles iii of all people to ask him to dissolve parliament. as you do#and called a general election WHILE STILL IN THE RAIN and while the most unserious music imaginable played in the background#because i guess he thought ��if i’m going down i’m bringing all of you with me’ ?????#knowing that unless something absolutely bananas happens; he is essentially handing over the country to keir starmer mind you#and then today someone placed him in front of a morrisons sign in such a way that his big head makes the sign look like it says ‘moron’#and photographed him as such. i’m obsessed. no notes#i will not miss this idiot but i can’t say i haven’t been entertained. because i have#i’m like genuinely impressed with how much the tories have managed to fuck up in so many different ways#to be honest ever since david cameron resigned and walked off humming; nothing has been normal here#i mean things were bad before that but good god#personal
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using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, read at your own risk.
#but jesus christ coming back home while already knee deep in a suicidal episode was an awful idea#like i was maybe on the verge of improving and then i came back to all of this family bullshit#and the place as well like it’s so. i don’t want to say isolated necessarily. but so much it’s own little bubble#and i spent the last eight or nine years i lived here depressed and the last six suicidal#and being back here feels like the actual place is telling me to die#and i don’t think it helps that every place i go i know or know of someone who successfully committed suicide#like. oh this person drowned themself here. or that person hung themself in these woods. or several people jumped off the side of this clif#like. it all feels like reminders of my failures. and it’s like. cmon. wouldn’t it be easy. all you need to do is jump. is slit your throat#is find a decent piece of rope. idk. but everything is so much and i just want it to stop and it feels like the ground itself#is giving me a way to do it.#i genuinely feel like i’m like 16 or 17 again. and everything that isn’t within these hills#feels like a haze and not actually real. like the concept of buxton doesn’t actually exist and my friends do not actually exist and nothing#actually exists except the place i’m in and my family and the pub#i think going back to work at the pub was a mistake; i think it’s making this worse. especially because it’s henry’s dad’s local#and where henry’s wake was. and nothing there has changed at all. it’s like the whole last year never happened.#and i only need to get through two more days but it feels like an impossible task and i keep thinking being back in york will fix me but id#if that even true like. i was suicidal before i left. and it’s going to be intense and stressful and then i have to leave again.#come back here and do three full weeks of this all over again. i haven’t even managed two yet this time around. and i feel like#such a failure and such a drain on my friends (and on one in particular) because it just#is so much and has been so long and everything is complicated and awful and i think if i hadn’t come back i’d be in a normal mental state#by now. that’s the worst fucking part. and also the whole thing of i know how to be suicidal here. i know how to not give a shit about#living here. i know how to do that. but ive never had to try before. like im trying to improve and im trying to hold on and hold off the#urges to kill myself or self harm or whatever because i said i would and because i KNOW it can be better than this and bc i love my friends#and they love me and i don’t want to upset them or make them anxious or anything like that and kat made me promise to try and im trying so#fucking hard and it feels like it’s not even worth the effort because it’s so much effort and everything is so overwhelming and awful and i#hate the way my family interacts and i just want everything to stop and idc if suicide is the cowards way out or selfish or whatever#bullshit people say it feels like the only option i can actually withstand because everything is so much pain and so much effort and so muc#everything and i can’t deal with it anymore. and also i forgot just how much i have to fucking mask in front of my parents and especially m#father and it’s so exhausting and i can’t sleep and there’s so much yelling and i just need it all to stop#i’ve had major breakdowns the last 3 nights about wanting to die so much & trying so hard to not let myself & idk how much longer i can tak
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havin the weirdest crisis of my life
#this is like. did related so im gonna sound completely uh#what’s the word. odd and shit for a sec okay? okay#so I’ve been here. hi im cheri silver yknow me for about 20 years total but jay used to front for years when we were in middle school#im not the. original host I guess but I’ve been around since#we were in the early single digits and never left#so im the host right? I existed to go thru the Trauma#but. it’s been my life for so long. my parents don’t know Her#they’ve only known me#but like. we’re finally starting to let go of that trauma#errr not let go but make peace with it. and we’ve been holding onto it for so long. I’ve been holding on to it for so long#but.. who am I without it? like yes that’s my trauma but also. is my purpose over?? is that why we haven’t been able to draw?#I’ve been the host for 20 years this is my life#my friends my gf my life my hobbies it’s mine not anyone else’s#I let others take the wheel when I can’t (or they forcibly do it for me) and jays been gone for like 3 years he only came back because I’ve#been being traumatized everyday recently. but like. will I have to go too??#reintergration is not really our goal. never has been but like#if we do. will I be here or will She come back? we’ve had false alarms before but it’s mostly been decided that it’s my front my life#maybe im just triggered all the time and that’s why I feel extra out of it#less myself#New Traumas are happening to us everyday#but yeah. I dont talk abt this aspect of my life much but it’s so scary to think about#I’ll talk to Chevy when they get off of work tomorrow abt it if it’s still like. freaking me out#I am me. we are a bunch of niggas but I am me.#did niggas when the identity disorder makes them dissociate smh#😫
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this is silly but, it's interesting your profile is linked in the 'about welcome home' section of clown's website... or I'm probably just looking far into this (I'm new to the fandom so maybe I'm just paranoid) sorry if this bothered you :// love ur art though :))
Oh yea! It’s supposed to be there! I’m a writer and artist for the project : - )
I had a break from it for a bit but I’m back in there babey!
I’ll show some work or clown will when times come 👍
#I haven’t publically posted about it at all but I’ve been workin with ‘em for a little over a year#I can’t say much about the project since it’s clown’s baby but I’ll have stuff for it here too!#thanks for the ask!#welcome home
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Finding mild hilarity in seeing “ace” in my bio but then my simp-ass postings that lean horny-on-main-esque
Like no you don’t understand I’m sensually and artistically simping
Y’all can read it sexually Idc but for *me* I’m here for ~vibes~ I’m here for ~stims~ I’m here for ~too much time spent in an art classroom~
I’m gonna study his body like it’s my final exam for life because it’s fucking pleasing to stare at and daydream scenarios but I’m not automatically ripping off my pants but also like idk maybe if he asked
#idk what I should even tag this#i haven’t been part of any community for years#although my dash has been half taken over by aroace content#I’m quite blessed with that ngl#sex positive ace#sex positive asexual#sex neutral ace#sex neutral asexual#idk where I’m at#but I think this counts as a sex positive posting#the stim thing is the audhd but that is so far removed from the point of this post#and this is mainly about Halsin#i love Astarion so much but my eyeballs have been devouring Halsin#man is built to be looked upon#and yes I know the whole “aces can (insert shit here) and still be ace”#i still find it funny#i don’t think I’ve ever read as ace online#subverting expectations I guess lol#finding other aces is fun and all but tred carefully on my blog if you’re not at least sex neutral so sorry#I’m just here vibing#not gonna bug the plain tags#rambles
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i won’t screenshot the dms bc i don’t feel like opening the latest message but EYE posted on my story abt the tiktok pictured below basically about how i got horny thinking abt someone working through a difficult math problem lol don’t worry abt that anyway sam slides up bc i cut part of it out so as to avoid insta censors and my slight embarrassment lol and was like does that say c*m and i was like well yes and then he was like haha what you’re into math… girl u have to walk w the thought process 😑 which i know you’re incapable of anyway so i vaguely responded like ah yeah what being away from stem for so long will do to u and he responds with like ten messages. including. ‘you gotta do it yourself’ that’s not the point 🙄 ‘you know how i’m terrible at talking to women’ wow really ‘so i realized i can calculate the speed of cum’ ‘bc i have some data’ DID I ASK?????!???!?!!!?!!!!! hello there’s oversharing and then there’s this… does the girl you’re having sex with know you share to this extent. and then he said how he accidentally brought this up to someone irl to be like haha awk whoops and i was like yeah well there r times where perhaps we need to self censor. and then i also get a message that’s like ‘hang on im doing the math’ IM NEVER EVER EVER GONNA BE ATTRACTED TO U I HOPE U KNOW THAT SCREAAMMMMM (and u need to know bc he’s genderfluid. im only using one set of pronouns for clarity on here ok i promise im not a dick. but he thinks he’s like. an exception for lesbians basically… like he doesn’t Count…. and like look im no essentialist im all for like freaky gender sex but also at so many other turns you do take advantage of being seen as a white male so. i don’t. yeah.) he’s kind of like the creepy dude at the edge of the friend group in high school named matt who would constantly harass me and my ex but like tried to be so lowk abt it. and it’s so bad basically. ‘17mph is crazy’ i hope you fall in an intersection sorry i can’t do this anymore 😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫😵💫 so pissed i have to see him tmrw i should be able to watch mmxxl w scully in peace
#like. WHAT possesses a person to say all this#it’s not like i’ve never talked abt sex stuff w sam or friends i mean look at my major and shit we’re watching we’re all adults here#but like HUUUUHHHHH???? on my silly little story about wanting to watch someone do calc or some shit… shut up…#it’s actually insufferable and i need u all to know. it has not always been to#like. this egregiously bad. certainly there are some flags i missed over time even when we first met maybe but he was significantly#more chill last year.. at least as far as i interacted w him. this is like. yeah idk#and just any time we’re together in person now he launches into whatever is on his mind or he’s up to at that moment what happened to hello#how are you etc. not that i can even like stand conversation esp like. dude we haven’t talked since the day we recorded the podcast#assignment which was also egregious. why would you start off like this. hello#abby talks#i hope his other roommate like beats him up or something. wont happen but well#AND more importantly. do i wear a mini skirt tmrw if i’m seeing roommate#we’re supposed to but we were also hoping to hang outside and now it’s gonna rainnnn but we’ll see#i don’t usually go for a cunty little fit on a monday. but i could. AND i get to go to class a half hour late
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shit might suck right now for me health and mentally wise BUT at least my doctor said that i should get vaccinated for the rona and flu so i get to do that for free now forever so at least that’s something
#i still haven’t recovered from the sickness my siblings inflicted on me#i’ll be better for a day or two and then i don’t get so much sleep one night#because i haven’t gotten my sleeping pill prescription refilled yet#and then i wake up feeling like shit and full of phlegm#i know it’s the same one because it’s not like i’m out here getting reinfected by anyone#and then my sleep shit snowballs from how late i wake up and how much longer everything takes when im sick#and the only thing that reminded me consistently to take my evening meds is broken#and i have to contact the provider that lent it to me and also i have to contact like seven others for various things#and some of them are easy to get ahold of and some are a nightmare and all is too much#needless to say i’m ‘going through’ ‘it’ as the kids say#AND school on top of that???#i feel bad for being so offline because i feel like im letting people down with the fundraiser stuff#but you can see why i’m like.#i’ll be back when i have my shit together enough that i won’t lose my disability benefits next year#because that’s another fucking sword of damocles i’m oscillating between trying not to think about and having debilitating anxiety over#and i have to apply but i need an updated study plan for that but the guy who is in charge of those#cancelled our appointment so i had to book another one which is a few days before a school related deadline#and i’m probably going to be broke as hell beginning of next year anyway because the benefits renewal process takes on average 6 months ime#and it comes with backpay but i have a old ass senior dog. so that’s going to be fun juggling vet bills 🙃#normally i’d sprinkle this stuff a little here or there but i haven’t been online to do that do you get it all at once
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