#I haven’t been able to draw much for myself lately but when I do I want to draw apex legends

[basement-buddy]

[earlysunshines]

fright night

kim minji x reader

synopsis: in which your university’s halloween festival leads to you and minji beating around the bush — finally.

warnings: making out. like the best makeout scene i've written in a bit i think. ohmygdoajsdf ; minji is a loooooser but we all know this ; pining ; dumb gay women ; FLIRTING. they want each other SO BAD i was giggling writing this im ngl ; SO cute i loved writing this ohmygod ; anything else not mentioned ; not proofread

a/n: lately i’ve been going insane bc of minji like she’s just so gf… so… she’s so… i need her

kim minji is an idiot, she’s literally the dumbest person you know.

well, academically she’s actually a genius, but she’s clumsy and clueless nine times out of ten. unfortunately yet fortunately(?) for her, this is only more of the reason for you to be completely in love with her.

which is why your roommate is dealing with another one of your little attempts to deny your feelings again.

“i think i should just die.” you groan into yunjin’s bed. she watches you, your body lifeless after you roll over to face the ceiling. “everything was just normal.”

“‘just’ as in… a month ago…?” your roommate snickers, folding a t-shirt and placing it next to your torso. “i think you’re the only person i know who doesn’t enjoy being in love.”

yes: you’re in love with kim minji.

no: you do not enjoy being in love with her at all.

it’s not that she’s an asshole, it’s just the fact that everyone is also in love with her. she quite literally has a line of girls (and men, but none of them stand a chance) waiting for her. she’s kim minji, one of your mutual friends who happens to be the captain of the university’s soccer team—which is why the clumsy aspect of her is often overlooked. so to most, she’s just hot, but she’s more to you, much more.

and you? you’re just trying to get by. you’re not in the spotlight, you haven’t gotten hit on in months — you and minji are two worlds apart.

“this is a waste of time. she only sees me as a friend, she’s cute and athletic. compared to her the most astonishing thing i can do is make a t-shirt and wide-legged jeans to sell on depop.”

“you should make a t-shirt that says ‘kim minji i want you so bad please marry me—“

yunjin is cut off when her just-folded shirt is thrown right at her face. she groans and throws it right back at you.

“i hope you get the same fate as a side character in a horror film.” you groan, sitting up and glaring at her.

“aw, thanks.” she says dryly, rolling her eyes. “hey, speaking of horror… the halloween festival is soon. are you going?”

“i fear.” you sigh, shoulders sinking a bit.

your partner in crime outside of your dorm, danielle, had convinced you with a look filled with sparkly eyes and a sweet smile to help out with face painting. there would be a variety of people passing by and you were notoriously known for being able to draw really well despite being a fashion major. “art is art,” danielle had shrugged, and so she bribed you with some coffee to really commit to it.

“danielle got me to do the face painting stall.”

yunjin’s eyes widen as she sets down a sweater. “did she?”

“yeah. i’m the only one within the circle – other than hanni – who can draw more than a stick figure.”

“you’ve got that right.” yunjin snickers. “you think your wife will be there?”

“minji?” you tilt your head, to which yunjin responds with a raised brow. she got you there. “oh, um. maybe? why?”

“don’t act all unbothered now.” your roommate scoots you over so she can pick up a pile and stack them somewhere else. “if she’s also doing something for the event, i see it as an opportunity.”

“why would i willingly do that to myself? im going to look desperate.”

“minji is an idiot, we both know that. why would it matter? i think she’d be flattered to have you there. hasn’t she literally taken you home like… three times? girl, stop overthinking.” yunjin scoffs. “plus, you never look desperate. you’re a little too good at acting like you don’t care. don’t you think you’re driving her away? it’s like, you’re so normal and even distant in real life, i don’t want to say nonchalant because it’ll boost your ego, but unfortunately, that’s what you are.”

“you—“ yunjin raises both brows as you start to speak.

“she probably wants you too. i’ve noticed you guys talking more — don’t think i don’t notice you guys next to each other in between classes, even if it’s with your circle. kazuha asked if you were dating actually.”

“really?”

yunjin giggles, turning away from her closer and back at you. she stands right in front of you, towering over and looking into your eyes scarily.

“you want that girl so bad.”

“i can’t.”

“no, no. listen to me, you’re going to take this halloween thing as an advantage to make a move and also look hot. i don’t know how many more complaints about you being a bomosexual i can take.”

“i hate you.”

“okay then pay full rent.”

“i love you?”

yunjin laughs, picking up another pile of clothes and putting it away.

—

hanni is the one to text you out of nowhere the day after, something about “minji wanted you to eat with us, but heeseung is at the cafe.” 

you squint at the message. you had just reached your class, and now you’re being invited over to grab a bite with the girl you want so bad while the guy who wants you so bad is in the same area. there is no way you should be saying yes, you can’t. one: you need to get over minji. she’s out of reach, a mere dream. two: heeseung will be checking you out the whole time and might throw in a compliment or two. 

“i’ll be there in five.” you respond, sighing and pinching the bridge of your nose.

…

the café seems a little busy, but that’s not surprising considering it’s around lunchtime and the cafe is not too far from the university. the second you step in, your eyes find minji across the room. she’s mid-laugh with hanni, but the moment she spots you, her smile stretches wider, something bright and giddy in her gaze. it’s that soft, familiar look she gets sometimes—too open, too much—but you’re just as bad, trying not to look like you’re seconds away from smiling like an idiot as you walk up.

“hey, you,” she greets, her voice warm as she sidles closer, her shoulder bumping yours as you both look over the menu.

“hey loser,” you reply, nudging her back a little harder, a playful rhythm forming between you. she pushes back with a smile, and you retaliate, each shove barely more than an excuse to keep lingering in that small space between you two. she laughs, cheeks a little flushed, and you can’t help but feel like coming over was the better decision.

you order first, dismissing minji’s offer to pay for your lunch. she frowns but nonetheless lets you order first. you order a sundried tomato and mozzarella panini, stepping to the side after and glancing at minji, who’s still staring at the menu.

hanni and danielle have already ordered, so you wait near the counter for minji so the two of you can meet up with the rest together. 

much to your dismay, heeseung’s voice breaks through your little bubble. he steps closer, leaning against the counter a little too casually. “so, do you always come here, or did you just need an excuse?” his smile is easy, maybe a little too practiced, and his gaze lingers as he looks you up and down, more intense than friendly. 

you try not to visibly cringe, offering him a polite smile. “not really—just here with friends today,” you say, keeping your tone light but cool. but he doesn’t quite take the hint, his eyes not quite leaving yours. he definitely thinks there’s something in the air, something other than his cologne that is way too strong for your liking.

“you look cute.”

“oh um, thanks?” you purse you lips into a forced smile, watching him smirk confidently. 

“what are your plans after this? got class?”

before you can think of another way to steer the conversation away, you feel an arm slip around your waist, pulling you close, and you look over to find minji at your side. her smile is wide and a little mischievous, and there’s a hint of something defiant in her gaze as she looks right past heeseung, keeping her hand snug on your hip.

“oh, y/n!” she says brightly, voice layered with just enough enthusiasm to sound like a joke but there’s an edge that makes it feel like more. “i remembered something so funny, it’s about yunjin. you know, during practice she got hit in the head.”

she doesn’t even look at heeseung as she tugs you back toward your group, keeping her arm around you a beat longer than necessary. heeseung’s face twists slightly, frustration crossing his features, but minji doesn’t give him a second glance. she launches into a conversation about her classes, her hand slipping away from your waist as she nudges you with her shoulder once more, an unmistakable grin still tugging at her lips.

you two get the chance to converse with danielle and hanni, who are more than happy to have you there. you can feel heeseung and his group eyeing you from a mile away, but that doesn’t matter because minji is in front of you and keeping eye contact the whole time you complain about him.

both your order and minji’s are called out at the same time and for a second, it’s just the two of you again as you both walk up to the counter. her voice and her closeness are enough to erase the last few awkward moments.

 “you looked like you were having fun back there,” she murmurs, half-laughing, and you can tell by the gleam in her eyes that she noticed everything. 

you laugh, trying to shrug it off. “couldn’t have done it without you,” you say, brushing her shoulder with yours. she looks down, almost bashfully, a hint of pink coloring her cheeks as she smiles—a smile that lingers long after heeseung fades into the background once again and you two rejoin the others.

…

before you make an excuse to leave, although it’s not really an excuse more than a complaint about your professor assigning a grueling reading, you hug everyone. when it’s you and minji, you two hold onto each other for a split second longer than social norms until she pulls away. minji smells like flowers and vanilla – you could drown in her scent.

“are you going to the halloween festival this weekend?”

“oh, yeah. danielle is forcing me to volunteer.”

“that’s funny,” minji chuckles, “because hanni is forcing me too.”

“is that so?”

“uh huh, pumpkin carving moderator or something.” she says, biting the inside of your lip. “we should um, do you wanna walk around after? maybe drop your shift early and i’ll do the same.”

you grin, pushing minji’s shoulder with two fingers playfully.

“couldn’t find any other girl lined up for you to hangout with?”

“what other girls?” minji asks, genuinely confused. 

you’re being an idiot. yunjin would so punch you in the face right now, so you come to your senses.

“i– nevermind. i’ll see you around.”

minji waves. “bye.”

…

after you leave, minji settles into her seat beside hanni and danielle, trying to keep her expression neutral. she fails, the smile on her face noticeably smaller and her eyes a little more dim. her friends have known her too long; hanni catches on first, a knowing smirk spreading across her face.

“you look like a disappointed puppy,” hanni says, nudging minji with a grin.

“what? no,” minji replies, clearly flustered. “what are you saying bro.”

“you were practically glowing when y/n walked in,” hanni teases, leaning in. “and then suddenly turned into a sad little puddle when she left. you want her soooo bad.”

minji’s cheeks turn a soft shade of pink, and she tries to laugh it off, glancing at danielle as if for backup. but danielle’s watching her too, a gentle, encouraging look on her face.

“it’s okay, minji,” danielle says softly. “it’s… pretty obvious, you know? you like y/n a lot.”

minji rolls her eyes, looking away. “maybe i do. but it doesn’t matter. y/n’s just… she’s too… normal, you know? she’s always so unbothered, so unfazed by anything. she probably doesn’t even want me. i’m always chasing her.”

danielle shakes her head, a knowing smile touching her lips. “i wouldn’t be so sure, minji. just because y/n’s good at hiding her feelings doesn’t mean she doesn’t have them.” she places a reassuring hand on minji’s arm. “trust me, i think there’s more there than you realize.”

minji lets out a small sigh, her gaze dropping to her hands. “it’s just… sometimes it feels like i’m the only one who’s feeling this way, you know? like i’m the only one getting flustered or waiting for her to look at me like… like i don’t know, she see’s me as a good friend.”

hanni wraps an arm around her, squeezing her shoulder. “please. y/n’s about as subtle as you when you’re around. i don’t know how you don’t see it.”

danielle laughs softly, nodding. “give it time, minji. y/n might just need a little nudge, and besides…” she pauses, glancing around conspiratorially before leaning in. “if y/n didn’t feel something, you wouldn’t have caught her staring at you like that when she thought no one was watching. plus, the whole nudging your shoulders the whole time. you two are like fucking thirteen year olds in love, it’s kind of gross.”

minji looks up, hope flickering in her eyes as a faint, shy smile tugs at her lips. maybe, just maybe, she wasn’t imagining it.

—

“im literally going to kill myself.” is the first thing yunjin hears when you get home, followed by you dropping your bag and crashing against her on your couch.

“girl what happened?”

“kim fucking minji. she’s insane, she wants me to die, i can’t do this, i resign from being a lesbian can i please resign.”

“well!” yunjin laughs, pulling you in. you lean on her shoulder and cover your face with your hands. “do you want to tell me what happened?”

through your hands, your voice is muffled as you explain, “basically hanni invited me to grab lunch with her and dani and minji. she looked so cute and like, we kept bumping shoulders and she kept smiling when she did it and then i ordered and—”

“you’re rambling–”

“and then i waited for my order while she ordered and heeseung started flirting with me,”

“ew, heeseung?”

“the bane of my existence— yes. i told him i was a lesbian at least three times! oh my god, anyway that doesn’t even matter, i don’t even care because—yunjin. huh yunjin.”

yunjin blinks at you as you stand up, pacing back and forth on the carpet now. she can’t help but laugh at you when you stop in front of her and groan, “jennifer huh.”

“wow, this must be serious.”

“minji fucking grabbed me by the waist like some wattpad story and then kinda shooed heeseung away and yunjin her hands are so nice and they were on my waist and i want her so bad. yeah. i’m gonna just die.”

yunjin pulls you by the wrist so you’re back next to her. she looks at you with a raised brow, waiting for you to recover from your high (if that counts as a high, but maybe you’re just insane). 

“she wants you.”

“she’s playing with me.”

“you’re insane. you know hanni asked if me if you like minji earlier, right? talking about how minji looked so devastated after you left.”

“what?”

“oh my god. you know what, i’m done with you. you’re such an idiot that it’s pissing me off.”

you whine, pulling yunjin by her forearm and pulling her back, which earns a scoff. yunjin looks at your little pout and puppy eyes, but doesn’t give in. instead, she pushes you off, leaving you to deal with the events of the day on your own.

before she disappears into her room, she sighs, “you’re gay and useless.”

you sink into the couch a little more. “thanks.” 

—

the weekend comes by all too fast. even with your time consuming assignments, it feels like you’ve blinked and now you have to deal with the whole festival.

you’re in a snug white cropped baby tee that shows a decent amount of your abdomen, your hair is styled just a bit, and the makeup on your face is a little more glittery and highlighted than usual. on your back there’s angel wings that complete the look. 

(“she’s going to want you so bad, trust me.” yunjin assures as she does your eye makeup.

it’s nothing much, just some darker warm tones with a faint hint of purple and highlighter to make you really look like an angel.

“and…” yunjin adds a bit of highlighter to your cheekbones. she pulls away and gazes at her work, bringing her pointer to her lips and biting on it jokingly. “heyyy gorgeous.”

“shut up.”

“minji’s going to want you so bad.”

“shut. up.”)

yunjin drives the two of you to the festival, she also looks really good. while you’re an angel, she’s a devil, showing off her toned body from soccer so she can pick up some girls that night.

(“you’re such a hoe.” you groan, doing her makeup to make her eyes smoky and lips plump. 

she rolls her eyes while putting on her little horns in her hair, checking herself out in the mirror. 

“how do i look?”

“like a hoe.” you assure firmly, earning a shove. then, you slide a finger down her collarbone teasingly, winking at her. “a really hot one.”

your roommate chuckles. “save that for minji, y/n.”

“i hate you.”)

the halloween festival is lively, lights flickering under dark skies, and you slip through the crowd in your angel costume with yunjin. you’re not even sure if anyone’s noticed your costume details, but the reactions make it clear you look… well, good. or maybe that’s just yunjin who’s doing the attracting, but a man winks directly at you and you have to force back a look of disgust.

as you make your way to the face-painting stall, you catch sight of minji leaning against a booth, dressed as patrick bateman. she’s really hot, that’s for sure, and it’s nothing new. the loose, slightly unbuttoned dress shirt shows her collarbone, and you can’t help but think about how your lips would feel on them. the loosened tie around her neck makes her look really good; you feel like she’s pulling you in without trying. despite the purposeful tousled look, she looks effortlessly put-together, but the smudge of fake blood on her cheek adds a wild edge (and makes her look even hotter). 

her eyes land on you, and her expression shifts just slightly before she pushes off the booth, walking over with a slight smirk.

“wow,” she says, looking you up and down in a way that feels way too intense. “you’re really… pulling off that angel look. you look really good, y/n.”

you giggle, trying to play it cool. “you look pretty good yourself,” you reply, letting your gaze drift over her from the blood on her cheek to the undone buttons of her shirt. “i didn’t know patrick bateman could look this… hot.”

a faint flush creeps onto her cheeks, and she lets out a quiet laugh, rubbing the back of her neck. “yeah, well, didn’t know ‘angelic’ could look so irresistible,” she teases, but her voice softens as her eyes linger on you.

for a beat, the two of you just stand there, the energy between you charged. you’re painfully aware of the way she’s looking at you—like she’s holding back from saying or doing something, thouh—and you can’t stop yourself from mirroring that, a hint of want in your gaze. she clears her throat, shifting her weight from one foot to the other.

“well, i better get to moderating— i don’t want people accidentally slicing themselves instead of a pumpkin.” she murmurs, finally breaking eye contact but not before giving you one last once-over, her eyes lingering a moment longer than necessary. she brings her hand to your hair, using a finger to push away some of the strands framing your face. you gulp a bit, then again after she brushes her knuckles against your cheek. “i like this. the makeup.”

i like you. you fight back the confession.

“thanks.” you swallow, nodding. “well, i should,” you start, playing with her tie out of a burst of confidence. you tug on it just a little, catching her by surprise. her breath hitches just barely. “--get going. i’ll see you.” you say, dropping the piece of fabric in your hand. 

as you head toward your booth, the thrill from your brief encounter with minji lingers, leaving you more than a little distracted and hoping she feels it too.

…

you’ve painted more faces than you can count on one hand in only an hour, much to your surprise. if you were to do this full time you’d for sure develop arthritis the second week on the job. 

after your tenth person — some kid who just wanted two flowers on her cheeks — danielle taps your shoulder. you turn around, humming in response.

“you look beat,” she says.

your shoulders are drooping, your posture is much worse than when you started, and you’re moving your wrist in a every angle to stretch it out and relieve the soreness. 

“you think?”

“hanni says she’ll be over in a bit.” danielle assures, patting you on the back and massaging your back lightly. “the stall will close soon so we can all hangout after.”

“thank god. are the other activities closed?”

“not until before midnight – i think.” you sigh in relief, but danielle adds, “could you grab some stuff from the supply closet though? maybe some more white, blue, and red paint? maybe grab yellow and green too.”

she gives you those eyes again, earning a chuckle. “yeah, yeah. okay.”

“great! just go down and turn right, there’s a brown shed — it’s not creepy, i swear. it’s kind of modern actually.”

“something tells me you’re lying.”

“me? lying?” 

you roll your eyes and stand up, then you trudge on over down the gravel. you roll your shoulders back and massage your neck a bit, then fix your costume a bit. it’s funny; you’re at a whole festival and this is the only time you’re exposed to the groups of people, bright lights, and excitement all around — at least for longer than a minute.

turning the corner you reach a shed, one that matches danielle’s description. 

danielle isn’t a liar, she never lies — well, she never lies about anything serious. it’s quite modern inside, seemingly new due to the fresh paint smell. it’s lined with wooden shelves, each holding different items. the corners are filled with various decorations, ranging from not only halloween decor but also christmas and even valentines day themed trinkets. you laugh at the little cupid poster in the back, but recollect yourself and focus on the “task” at hand.

you have to rummage through the costumes in the corner to find a small box with face paint in it. the light in the shed isn’t on (there isn’t a switch, only some rustic-type light hanging from above in the middle of the building), so you use your flashlight to help you see clearer. 

it takes a bit more time to find the yellow bottle of paint, which is in your hand until you drop it from the sound of the door opening so suddenly.

you jump, gasping ever so lightly before turning around to see a very striking patrick bateman.

minji stands in the doorway, still looking as good as before, looking at you with a perplexed expression.

“what are you doing here?” she asks, looking around the area.

“minji,” you close your eyes, “you scared the shit out of me!”

“i’m sorry…” she says, jutting out her bottom lip and suddenly every ounce of fear is drained from your body. “i didn’t know you were in here.”

“danielle sent me to get more paint.”

“that's funny,” minji steps towards you, looking at the two paint bottles on the floor. “hanni sent me to grab trash bags.”

you don’t respond for a second because minji steps under the antique light above her. it illuminates her face in the best way possible, highlighting the smeared on fake blood and her features. you feel your throat tightening as you stare.

minji’s gaze softens, she steps closer.

“do you know where i could find trash—”

“yes, um, yeah, probably in the corner.” you choke out.

she chuckles, you swallow lightly. 

you take the stretch of silence to pick up the two bottles that had dropped out your hand and turn the flash on your phone off. you fix your tank top because minji is still within radius, but she’s busy looking for the trash bags, still.

“i’ll see you later?” you say softly. minji’s head whips around, and there’s a slight frown on her face. before she can respond, you hear a click coming from the door, then stare at the handle with furrowed brows. you reach over to twist the knob, but it barely budges. “what the hell?”

“what?”

“i think it’s locked. did you lock it?”

she shakes her head, her brow furrowing as she steps over, nudging you aside to try the handle herself. she pulls, twisting the knob a little harder than you did, but the door still doesn’t move an inch. 

“it’s locked.” she mutters, glancing at you with a hint of worry. “i think we’re stuck.”

you both stare at each other for a beat, the realization sinking in, and suddenly the small shed feels much smaller. you look away first, sighing before turning on your phone.

“i’ll call danielle.” you say, voice steady, though there’s a slight tremor as you dial.

“i’ll try hanni.”

you both dial. danielle doesn’t answer and you huff. you wait for minji, her phone against her ear, and the defeated groan is enough to tell you whether hanni answered or not.

“i guess they’re busy.” minji says, slipping her phone back into her pocket. 

for a moment, silence stretches between you both again, an awkward tension settling in. minji shifts, making a weird noise as she brushes dust off her shirt. you can’t help but find it cute. then she adjusts her loose collar, making you clear your throat and glancing around for any other possible way out; there’s none.

the only thing you catch is a window, a window that’s far too small and high for anything to happen.

“we’re stuck.” you mutter, looking back at minji.

“do you think dani and hanni will realize we’re missing?”

“they might be busy…” you pinch the bridge of your nose, resting your head against the door. “i have no idea how we’ll get out.”

you’re stuck with minji. kim minji. the hottest and cutest girl you’ve ever laid eyes on. the girl you think of way too much for it to be platonic. the girl who’s in a costume that genuinely has you considering ruining a friendship. the girl who’s leaning back against the shelf behind her right now, crossing her arms, and who’s eyes are flickering over you as she smiles.

“your costume is really something.” her voice is casual, like you’re not stuck in a shed. there’s also a warmth in her tone that isn’t hidden in the slightest. “i like it a lot. you look heavenly.”

if minji’s trying to ease the tension, she’s doing it very well. her stupid dad joke earns a laugh from you, and now you’re leaning against the door with one side of your body as you keep eye contact.

“thank you minji, your looks could really kill.”

she laughs, gums showing and eyes crinkling. you want her so bad. 

“that one was worse than mine.”

“no it wasn’t!”

she rolls her eyes. “it was.” she steps closer leaning her head against the same door and staring hard at every single feature of your face. she glances at your lips briefly, then back up. “bet you’ve turned more than a few heads tonight.”

“maybe,” you feel your voice growing quieter. “but i was stuck at the booth.”

“if i were at the booth i think i’d purposely stay just to see you. you look really pretty tonight y/n, i mean it.”

you blush. “maybe.” there’s a grin that you can’t keep off your face. “i’d say the same for you.”

she chuckles again, looking down at her slightly blood-stained dress shirt. “yeah, i think i took the pumpkin carving part a bit too seriously. got more guts on me than on the pumpkins.” she holds up her hands, still faintly stained with an orange hue, and shakes her head. “i’ll probably smell like pumpkins for a week.”

minji watches you turn to the side, covering your mouth to stifle a giggle. 

turning back, you’re mid-laugh when your eyes catch on a smudge of blood across minji’s cheek, just barely out of place. your hand moves without thinking, reaching up to brush it away with your thumb. the laughter fades, the shed shrinking around you, and everything slows, the only movement her skin warming under your touch.

minji’s gaze locks onto yours, intense and unblinking, and there’s something behind it that makes your heart skip. her eyes are barely liddied now, she swallows, biting down on the inside of her lip, before a slow, uncertain smile begins to take over her face. 

“you look so good right now,” she murmurs, her voice low, almost rough. her hand reaches up, covering yours, holding it there against her cheek, like she’s trying to commit the moment to memory, almost like it’ll end anytime – soon, or now.

you’re close enough to feel her breath, the slight catch in it. “good enough for you?” you ask softly, a smile playing at your lips, your words teasing, but your heart racing.

she chuckles, but it’s quiet, and her gaze doesn’t waver. “better than good,” she whispers, her hand falling from yours, trailing down to your waist, her fingers grazing the bare skin there, gentle, hesitant, like she’s testing the feel of you, seeing if you’ll pull away, but you don’t. minji smirks. “are you… seeing anyone?”

the question hangs between you, heavy and thrilling. you shake your head, your pulse pounding beneath her touch. “no one at all.”

she exhales, her voice barely above a whisper. “good.” her fingers press into your waist just a little more, her gaze flickering down to your lips, and you watch, almost dizzy, as she wets her own, her tongue darting out, just barely, the movement so subtle you’d miss it if you weren’t so close.

your hand moves from her cheek, trailing slowly down to the open collar of her shirt, brushing along her collarbone. her breath hitches, and her head tilts slightly, just enough for your fingers to press against her skin, her eyes closing for the briefest moment before she meets your gaze again. you don’t realize how close you’ve drawn until you feel her breath warm against your lips.

she glances at your lips for what seems the tenth time. you two are clearly vibrating on the same wave length, it’s evident.

then, with the faintest, almost imperceptible smile, minji closes the space between you, her mouth soft, warm, pressing into yours, a little unsure, like she’s savoring every second of it. her hand at your waist tightens, pulling you closer, her fingertips grazing the curve of your hip as she leans in, her other hand moving to cradle the side of your face, her thumb grazing your cheek. the world around you slips away, and all that’s left is her—the warmth of her lips, the feeling of her touch, and the overwhelming sense that every daydream you had is getting outdone by this moment. this real moment.

it’s so real when she pulls away with rosy cheeks. she looks at you nervously, as if she didn’t just take the oxygen from your lungs.

“was that alright?” she asks, sounding unsure. it’s cute, she’s cute, god she’s so cute.

“perfect.” you mumble.

your hand moves to where her tie is, it’s loose around her collar, making it easier for you to tug her right back into you. she gasps from surprise and groans into your lips, kissing you hard.

her fingers press into your skin and you shiver, parting your lips ever so slightly to sigh softly. minji smirks against your skin, trailing to your jawline with light pecks as you release your grip on her tie and snake your hand around her neck.

“i’ve–” a kiss to the side of your throat, “wanted to—” a kiss lower, “do this for—” and a soft kiss to the base of your neck, “so long.” 

your breath shakes after she finishes the sentence, she kisses your neck once more.

minji parts, moving you over so you’re is against some random, heavy box on the side of the shed and now both arms are around your neck. you’re a few more kisses in, mixed with content sighs and groans and handfuls of hair before you two almost bite each other’s lips off from the sound of the door opening. 

you barely have time to pull away, minji’s lips are still a breath from yours, her hand lingering at your waist. you both turn to see danielle, hanni, and yunjin standing in the doorway, eyes wide. you and minji spring apart, the movement so fast that it would be funny if you were witnessing the situation.

danielle’s shock morphs into a grin as she exchanges a look with hanni, and yunjin just has a hand over her mouth.

hanni’s mouth drops open before breaking into a smirk, her eyes flickering with pure satisfaction. 

“oh my god.” hanni breathes, relief in her voice. “it actually worked.”

before you or minji can respond, utterly confused considering they all look relieved rather than disgusted, yunjin takes one look at you and minji and bursts out laughing,

“i knew it! i knew you two would finally do something if we left you alone long enough.”

minji blinks, looking as if she’s still processing. you glance between them, your cheeks warm. “what?” you say exasperatedly, “what do you mean ‘finally’? what— what is all this?”

The three of them exchange looks before danielle nudges yunjin forward, her grin growing. “so uh, we might’ve had a little something to do with the door locking. maybe on purpose. maybe. perchance.”

“definitely on purpose.” hanni adds, crossing her arms. “we were all tired of watching you guys dance around your feelings. you two needed a push.”

minji stares at them with a mix of embarrassment and dawning realizaiton. then she glances at you, her face flushing before turning back to the trio.

“you all planned this?”

hanni nods, looking like she’s enjoying this way too much. “you guys are hopeless. you know? everyone could see that you two wanted each other except you two. who the hell nudges their friends like that? you both are like middle schoolers with their first crush.”

you exchange yet another glance with minji, who’s biting her lip. there’s a surprise mirroring on her face, and honestly it’s really cute. adorably cute. 

despite all the embarrassment, you can’t help but laugh, a little breathless.

“so… this was all a setup?” minji says, looking at them with a half-laugh, half-disbelieving shake of her head.

danielle shrugs, stepping aside to give you both room to leave the shed. “well, it worked, didn’t it?”

yunjin’s grin is teasing as she waves you both out, her eyes bright with excitement. “yeah, finally,” she echoes, a satisfied smirk on her face. you glance at minji, who’s still looking at you, and a shy, almost playful smile tugs at her lips.

and as you both step out of the shed, shoulder to shoulder, the knowing smiles of your friends after they glance behind, there’s a giddiness accompanying the space between you and minji.

they all explain something about your booths being over because you two were too busy making out — you barely listen — and minji nudges your shoulder again when they’re far enough to not hear her.

you turn, tilting your head a bit before she leans down a bit to mumble, “you know, i heard that if you don’t kiss me again, for at least an hour, bloody mary might show up in your room tonight.”

a laugh escapes your lips and you push minji, who’s grinning at you like an idiot. you roll your eyes and reach out to hold her hand, she squeezes yours excitedly. 

“that’s a new one. are you sure it’s true?”

minji quickly cups your cheek and steals a kiss, parting away to make sure your friends don’t turn around and tease you two relentlessly.

“that one just got rid of all the bad energy from before.”

“what bad energy?”

“the one that’s building up every second you don’t kiss me. it also builds up if you don’t go out with me for lunch tomorrow. or ever.”

you roll your eyes once more, then glance at your friends before kissing minji’s cheek.

“i can’t risk any of that, can i?”

[silksongeveryday]

Drawing Hornet everyday until Silksong comes out - Day 600!

Here’s a quick 30 min doodle to celebrate! :D

Man time really flies huh

Thank you guys for 3.1k btw!!!

And big thank you to those who have joined me in this wild journey of daily doodles no matter how long you’ve been here. Truly did not expect what started as a joke to make it this far lol

(more stuff I wanted to talk about under the cut)

-A few updates-

General Stuff:

Well, life has been generally pretty busy. And while that’s made it a little more challenging to do daily doodles as of late, it’s been alright for the most part. Some of you may have noticed though that a lot of my daily posts have been showing up as much as 1-2 hours later than the regular time. Unfortunately with all the stuff I’ve been taking care of lately, putting a daily doodle/drawing on top of the pile means it’ll be late very often. I kind of have an unofficial job irl now so this stuffs hard to juggle sometimes.

Hornet’s Strange Adventures:

Initially I was hoping to get a lot of stuff done for this game during October but some recent job stuff is making that pretty hard to do. I probably won’t be able to make any significant progress on this game until very late October and into November. So if you were looking forward to big updates on progress, it sadly won’t be for a while, sorry. Outside of that though, I can at least say that all the routes have been thoroughly planned out from start to finish including the secret route. This includes rewriting some choices that have already been seen during the game’s time on ssed.

About Doodle Requests

I haven’t had them open for a while anyway, but I’ve finally come to the decision that I will no longer be taking doodle requests through tumblr asks/inbox. As fun as it was in the beginning, I often found myself trying to fulfill requests on the daily and that was stressful. That being said, it doesn’t necessarily mean I’m stopping requests entirely. I just don’t really want to do them for free anymore. Since I’m on Hornet Journal Series still, it’s a long way away before anything happens, but there’s a likely chance I’ll only do commissioned doodle requests whenever they re-open. We’ll see as it gets closer though.

Thoughts on taking an actual break:

I’ve mentioned this a lot in the past both here on ssed and on my main blog, but I’ve been seriously considering taking a break. Like a real one. Not just a “I’m gonna stockpile a bunch of doodles and pick it back up when I run out” kind of break. Especially with the way life has been going lately (mostly positive at least), I feel as though I may have to retire from daily doodles somewhat soon if there is no official news by the time this blog hits its 2 year mark. Don’t get me wrong I’ve loved doing this for the almost two years that it’s been going but at some point I’ll have to move on from this whether I like it or not. Does this mean that activity on this blog stops altogether? No. I just won’t be doing daily doodles anymore. There’s a more likely chance it would end up being weekly, or possibly monthly. Just not daily anymore.

Whatever the case, that decision will be considered more when 2 years gets closer. Until then just enjoy daily doodles while they’re still here!

—————————————————-

I think that’s all I can think of to say right now. Might post more thoughts on my main maybe?? We’ll see

Thank you again to all the lovely people that have been here during this crazy journey, you guys are awesome :D

[feralgodmothers]

I think I cracked it you guys. A part of why Elvis (2022) has such a hold on me (and why you should watch it too if you haven’t already).

The first time I watched it, I didn’t really have any expectations - I wasn’t a fan of Elvis, because my mother hated him, and I grew up without any real exposure to him or his music. I also wasn’t a fan of Baz Luhrmann, because I found his directing style to be too over-the-top, chaotic, and truthfully - obnoxious. So neither of those two big names attached to it were a draw-in for me. And on top of that, I didn’t know Tom Hanks was in it, and I didn’t know who Austin Butler was - not to mention there’s been an abundance of music biopics lately. The only thing that captured my attention was how accurately the trailer portrayed the fangirl spirit. I was like ‘Yeah, that’s exactly what it’s like. I can relate to that’, lol. So with that being the only thing that held my interest, I put it on and just shrugged and thought ‘Who knows, this might be fun’.

I was completely blown away.

I had seen a few clips of Elvis prior to this at some point in my life, so I had just enough reference in my memory to go on while I watched Austin do his thing, and he nailed it. It took no time at all for you to feel like you were actually watching Elvis Presley, not just some guy playing him. Austin Butler was flawless - he’s received a tremendous amount of praise for his performance, and quite frankly - I don’t think there could ever be enough praise for what he was able to accomplish here. It is one of the best performances of all time, and that is no exaggeration. It was so exciting - the amount of movie magic (that’s been sorely lacking from films lately) was on full display here, and it gave me new life. I felt a real connection to a completely different era in our history, a connection to a whole other generation of people/fans, and to a music legend that I knew almost nothing about, and who pop culture had twisted into some mythical caricature of himself. This film accomplishes so much, and I was caught up in a whirlwind of something truly eye-opening and magical. The main takeaway I had from my first time viewing was pure excitement and adrenaline, from just being transported somewhere else entirely, both emotionally and spiritually, and from unlearning some misconceptions I had about Elvis Presley. And, as a bonus, I now had a new celebrity crush in Austin Butler (and we all know - stumbling across someone new to thirst over will always be a profound part of the fangirl experience, lol).

The second time I watched it, I was going in still riding that high that I felt - and I was ready to immerse myself into full, thirsty fangirl mode. And obviously I did thirst - but by the end of the film, I was so incredibly emotional. I cried so much, and felt so sad. Of course, I felt sad by the end the first time I watched it too - Elvis died tragically early, and the way the movie highlighted his final performance was so effectively heartbreaking and moving. But I think the more positive feelings I had experienced before had prevented me from sinking too low into my feelings. But by that second viewing, man… the dam just broke, and I was legitimately mourning this man. I’m not kidding when I say this is probably the best biopic I’ve ever seen, and possibly one of the best movies period that I’ve ever seen. I cannot express strongly enough how much it truly resonates with me.

Anyway, my whole point in saying that I cracked it, I say as a fangirl through-and-through - I think the two biggest impacts that can ignite a fangirl’s spirit into a full, dazzling and glorious blaze is: thirst and heartbreak. And this movie provided both of those things in spades. It’s so beautiful to watch - Austin’s beautiful, the storytelling is beautiful, the cinematography is beautiful, the care, dedication, and craft is beautiful. To me, it is absolutely perfect, and it has completely taken over my mind, heart, and soul. I cannot recommend this film highly enough. It is everything to me right now, and the more people who are willing to give it a chance and enjoy it, the better.

[ppenguinpperson]

cardiomyocytes and connective tissue @nopanamaman

I’ve wanted to do a fic like this for some time now, a ‘thank you’ letter to PAFL and its community of sorts. I’m happy I finally got around to writing it:) 

I wasn’t sure whether I should do this or not, but, hey! It might make someone feel a bit better!! Or, reading the fic will. That’s enough reason, I think, and you don’t have to read this, of course, no matter who you are.

First of all, I want to talk about PAFL a bit.

The first PAFL song I listened to was PiP. I saw its thumbnail when listening to some other music youtube, and so, I listened to it. Oh boy am I glad I did:) I remember thinking how cool it is that someone's making songs for their OCs and that people are interested in them. I could see so much love for the characters in it. I was so happy when I discovered there were more songs like that!! This was around when Comfort Zone had first come out, a week or two after at most. That was two years ago. I’ve been obsessed ever since.

I love PAFL. I genuinely love that songs haven’t been coming out much lately. Like, there’s media that comes out weekly and sucks shit. I’m glad Ferry is taking their time with this!!! Even if all we get each year is one song, that’s cool, because the community is wonderful and we also get doodles and art and now patreon stuff.. yippee yay… !!! And even if we didn’t. who the fuck caressss!!!!! I love coming up with AUs and OCs and theorizing with my friends!!! the time between songs gives us time to do all that:)

The characters are so charming. Every member of the cast has been a fave of mine at some point or another. They’re all so, real! I love them! I love how they fuck up and I love how they get fucked over and I love how they get exploded and killed and shot and hugged and saved and helped!!! They’re human… might not make sense, but i rlly do like them…

It’s so neat looking back at older songs and seeing how stuff’s changed. The art style, the music, it’s all so nice to look back on. Even if I wasn’t there for it.

And don’t even get me started on the worldbuilding..  Everyone say thank you to Boris Strugackij and Arkadij Strugackij for making roadside picnic and inspiring Ferry to make this… so lovely and neat. wonderful. I have not read it myself, but I might, just to be able to make my own pafl OCs more swagger..

So. This fic.

I can’t mention two years ago without at least mentioning my depression.

I can’t remember most of last year, speaking truthfully. Parts of 2021 are also fuzzy. Depression and anxiety are terrible, would not recommend. This feels cheesy to say, but it does get better!!! Slowly, unsteadily, it gets better!!! I don’t mean for this part of the post to be a ‘feel bad for me’ thing at all. Do not. I am safe and healthy now and I couldn’t be happier to be here right now.

Is life good now?? Sorta, but what matters to me right now is, I’m happy!!! It feels so surreal. I never thought I’d be like this. A part of me wants to be angry, to get depressed again about how I could have been happy all this time. But I won’t!!! Because then I’d spiral and forget another year, and, I don’t want that!

Which is so cool!!! I can like, fucking, do stuff now!! I can throw away the bad thoughts, embrace the good ones, encourage myself!!! I do things!!! I go outside and goddd dude that’s so good!! I go outside!!!

I’m doing stuff! I’m drawing, writing, cleaning my room, taking care of myself!!! If I didn’t stay alive to enjoy these small joys, what am I even here for?? 

And I’m alive!!! I’m here!!! I made it, I’m here, writing this on 10th november, 2023, and I’m ALIVE!!!! How cool is that??? 

And yea, the world is shitty, it sucks ass, but, my friends don’t!!!:3 and that’s more than enough for me… SHOUT OUT TO MY FRIENDS!!! I LOVE YOU DUDES!!!

Moving on:

It doesn’t feel right to say that I’m here now only to PAFL. But, what I can say is that it’s been a wonderful crutch for me!! It’s been something to focus on, something silly, but also something I can relate to, and something that inspires me to make my own stuff! I’d most likely still be here, were it not for these silly songs.. but, not sure I’d be as alive as I am now! Unsure if my heart would feel right in my chest! And I wouldn’t have met my amazing friends!!!! Everyone here is so nice.

Dima may be a bit OOC in this fic, and that's because! This fic is based on my own experiences, which, i don’t think is bad…

I could talk here forever about how it gets better. Butttt to be quite honest I don’t wanna lol. I just wanna say, Thank you! to Parties are for Losers, for being cool. 

(Though I also wanna say, don’t put Ferry on a pedestal, they’re human, we all make mistakes, all that stuff.)

Ok time to go back to my manly Sergei ways and never talk about emotions ever again. or as anya would say: FUCK IT WE BALL!!!!!

[vodkassassin]

Quick word to my readers and anyone else who has been waiting so patiently for my next update on any of my projects

I’ve been having a very difficult time lately for a while now, and I only just recently realized it.

I’ve come to the discovery that the reason why I haven’t been able to write or draw or do any of the hobbies I actually enjoy in so long isn’t because I was bad at them or because I haven’t learned how to balance my work and free time like adults are supposed to, but because of an outside factor I can’t actually control.

Now that I’ve pinpointed the thing in my life that has been draining me of all my energy though (aside from work lol), I’m making steps to recover it.

Knowing that I’ve been subconsciously spending so much energy on something that doesn’t matter is a bit disheartening, but it’s also relieving to actually have an answer to why I’ve felt so burnt out and unable to do anything I like, and I also know how to avoid falling into that trap again.

So hopefully soon here I will actually be able to get back to what I enjoy, and you’ll all be seeing me more regularly again like you used to.

Thanks again for being so patient with me while I figure shit out. You guys are all so supportive even when I’ve been so close to the point of giving up on myself. Love you all.

[cjoat-boost]

March 4, 2024 Edit of this still relevant post from February 27, 2024

For those that view any of my online presences (including my blogs)…Um, this is something for you to know.

Please save this post so it doesn’t get buried by queue.

My& Current Health Situation

━━━━━━━━━━━━━

I wish to communicate this to y’all now so that…I don’t end up worrying anyone when this happens. It may have been noticeable by some folks that I’m dragging, heavily. I’m not having a good time right now with my body. With this comes with an onion of issues detailing certain aspects of what I’m going through.

I know I have a lot of obligations. Not only as a creative and content creator; but as a friend, a mentor, Guardian or even older peer, and myself. I’ve neglected myself for too long. I have been noticing my vitality decrease; and my CFS and POTS flaring up further.

Social Justice is something I’m always perceiving and sensitive to; and as such, the strain I’ve noticed too late has been worsening. Includes many emotional meltdowns and outbursts from me that I can no longer control or hold back.

Trying to figure out how to exactly sort through the mass tangles of my traumatized emotional and mental state isn’t as simple as I hoped for me. While I’m creatively burned out, I am suffering Autistic burnout. A double whammy of all things.

I’m finding myself getting “stuck,” unable to physically move for hours at a time. I’d move upstairs to eat something but end up being there for what’s normally an half hour task…for nearly 2+ hours. Even so, trying to force movement to do tasks that is considered “everyone can do these” is mentally painful and physically locking. Even if I have to desperately use the bathroom when I’m about to fall asleep, my headmates (AKA alters) have to switch to co-front or “snatch me back” in order to get my body moving. That’s with the sudden rocket spike in heart rate and blood pressure, and loss of balance (at the very least).

I’m already struggling to cope with many things due to the fact that I haven’t been able to draw much at all; or create anything and write anything. Especially trying desperately to fulfill my word on things I had the energy to do, but no longer do. So much of my struggles I can’t properly transmute. It’s so upsetting.

Thus, there’s going to be a sudden and abrupt shift in posting or messaging. I don’t know when. But it is coming.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━

(Especially since I’ve been feeling mania over the weekend. All weekend, Saturday and Sunday, I manic cleaned large portions of certain areas I occupy as well as my housemate. Today I’m feeling the aching in my joints badly, with my calves swearing hell at me. I’m wearing my wrist brace too, I just…I’m rambling.)

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

I wish for you to know what’s happening if you don’t see or hear from me, my headmates, or any of my online presences (as depicted here: https://cjoatbysamwise.com/cjoats-links ) No one is being forgotten. I’m not abandoning anyone. I’m not ghosting anyone. What I do know (still coming to terms with it ngl) is I need to stop, fully stop, and recover. It’s looking like my body is going to do that for me by force. It’s going to be abrupt and sudden to the inconvenience of many, including my housemate, unfortunately.

I don’t know how long this will last. But I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep “hustling” like this. Does this sound repetitive? I wanted to communicate before suddenly I’m unable.

Does this sound repetitive? I’ll end it here. I wanted to communicate before suddenly I’m unable.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

I’ll end it here with how you can support me while I’m down, only able to and wish to (I’m aware financial situations are a big struggle at the moment, there is no pressure to.)

Provide support by these links:

Thank you for reading until the end; have an awesome week ahead. Please remember to hydrate and eat. 🫶🏽❤️‍🩹

[sylvia-forest]

[CN] Shaw's 2024 Birthday ASMR — Brushing Strokes

⚡Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for an ASMR which hasn't released in EN yet!⚡

[Released Date: 17 June 2024]

[Door opens and closes]

Coming?

Sit down first

Wait until I finish writing this post

[screeching of a chair sound]

Tsk

My point is not to ask you to drag a chair over to the table.

Nor am I trying to criticize you.

Don't accuse me unfairly.

What I mean is…

[Shaw sighs]

never mind

I'm not interested

You look good sitting here

sit down

What's up?

Don't feel like sitting anymore?

OK OK

inspect as you please.

[rustling of pages]

Why practice calligraphy

[Shaw sighs]

A little annoyed lately

So I'm giving myself some assignments.

[Shaw clicks his tongue]

Is it really that surprising that I'm practicing calligraphy?

Oh….

It's rare to see me upset

Concerned about me?

[Shaw chuckles]

nothing

Recently, some of the old music fans haven't been coming to the Live House.

I don't mind much, 

but Adam and Jensen are unhappy about it.

So the atmosphere in the band has been a bit down.

Huh

Me?

I do not mind

Anyway, out with the old, in with the new.

Do they love coming or not?

Not being able to hear Isolated's music is their loss.

Really.

I don’t need to be stubborn in front of you

Are you a three-year-old kid, always asking 'why' and getting to the bottom of things?

If you have time to gossip…

….tsk

How about helping me grind ink instead?

[Shaw scoffs]

Huh? 

I grind the ink and you do the writing?

You're reversing the roles, huh?

no problem

I'll help you add fragrance to your “poetic creation”.

Feel free to use any of the brushes on the rack.

I recommend this one

relatively light

But I haven’t used this brush yet.

You need to start writing first.

Don't know how?

[Shaw sighs in defeat]

It's quite simple.

Come

It's hard now, right?

[sound of water dripping]

Put it in the water first

Rub it from the tip of the brush.

right

Go up slowly

Rub it all the way to the root of the brush

Not enough.

You need to rub it until the hair is completely spread out.

Mm

Almost there.

Rinse it off.

Brush away any loose hairs and moisture.

Hm

good

Let me grind some ink for you to try.

Here we go.

Looks quite decent.

Vertical, horizontal stroke, horizontal, horizontal...

...violent.

Dot, dot, horizontal stroke, horizontal.

...wealth

I know you can’t write anything good

Eh!

There's still ink on the brush

[MC splashes ink on Shaw ‘accidentally’]

Tsk…

My clothes... 

Have I turned into a flower-faced cat?

[Shaw's voice lowers an octave, sounding dangerous]

Who did this?

Feeling guilty?

I don't want tissues

[Shaw deliberately lowers his voice]

I want………

[MC trying to run away but got caught]

tit for tat

[sound of Shaw’s heavy breathing + something drops on the floor]

Still want to run?

Admit your mistake?

No use.

Today, I must draw a couple of strokes for you.

Then you'll behave.

[Shaw chuckles + his sexy breathing x1]

Are you so scared that you have to close your eyes?

[the atmosphere is quite heavy here + his sexy breathing x2 GOD]

You were quite stylish when you splashed ink on me just now.

Hold it in.

Even if it's itchy.

Wasn't it like this last time I painted for you?

[Shaw scoffs]

Of course, I have a good memory

But a calligraphy brush is much more versatile than a colored pen.

It can create various changes.

Can you tell what type of pen I'm using right now?

If you guess it right, I'll stop writing.

Not guessing?

Then I'm going to continue

After all, we can't "waste" this piece of fine rice paper.

[Shaw barely holding himself back]

Are you sure you don't want to guess?

Then let me enlighten you.

This is

A pointed, stiff-haired brush.

I usually use it for writing small regular scripts.

You have to write very slowly, very slowly.

[Shaw takes a deep breath and continues whispering sexily]

Horizontal, flat, vertical, straight

This is soft

I don't use it much

So, controlling the brush isn't easy.

Easy and light

Applying more pressure 

affects how much ink is released, 

and it's tricky to control.

Use a little more force

Just like this…

[the beast is unleashed, he drops the brush and starts kissing her ferociously]

[SO MANY MOUTH-WATERING KISSES + HIS SEXY CHUCKLE]

This last one

is a pointed brush.

you should remember

It's the thickest one on the shelf

Especially suitable for writing large characters

With one stroke,

you can make an impression on the back of the paper.

[AGAIN STARTS KISSING HER, I LOST COUNT]

Hello

You've already been bullied by me like this.

Still not opening your eyes?

[His sexy chuckle when teasing her]

alright

I lied to you.

I just dipped it in water.

—

[snotbuggle]

Sorry about my inactivity!

Drawing digitally is one of those things that just always feels like a chore for me. So, I only do it when I have 5 or so hours to myself after I’ve relaxed. Unfortunately, I haven’t had too much time to do any of that as of late. My parents aren’t getting any younger, and my father needs a fair amount of attending to these days. Old men are always stubborn about their own health. The most drawing I get to do is just on paper, and I don’t usually share those. I’ll try to draw when I can, but for now I won’t be posting anything more than a sketch that’s been colored in ibisPaint. I’m hoping things will return to normal in a couple of months, but I can’t be sure. I have a lot of ideas I’m itching to draw digitally and can’t wait to be able to do that again. I hope you all have a good week!

[cheiyunn]

La fin du rêve [Part 1]

~Faniris practice ~

Felix: Lets cut off practice around here! Later on we can just revise at the rehearsals before the main stage.

Koharu: Okay, everyone, good work! Tomorrow, we meetup at the place right?

Daimon: Yes, while the performance tomorrow is at night, for tonight let's not stay up too late, take a good rest, and keep in good shape. 

Tomoru: Jun, that one was for you, got it?

Jun: Ah.. I get it.. Tonight I won’t game before bed

Daimon: Tomoru, this one also applies to you. I know you’re always very busy but do you think you can take it easier tomorrow afternoon?

Tomoru: Of course..! I handed in a request for half day leave a month ago after all

Koharu: Since we were also cut off from Duck River’s support, the only thing we can do right now is produce a steady flow of lives right now, we need to make progress

Felix: However, since we all have jobs outside of music, its not as if we can frequently hold lives. For everyone who waits for our lives despite that, let us bring a great soiree tomorrow 

Everyone: Yeah

Koharu: On that note, lets start heading back. Ah that reminds me Tomoru, where did you put the watering pail? I was looking for it before coming here but couldn’t seem to find it

Tomoru: Ah, I think after I used it for the plants in the cafe I just left it there.. Would you like me to get it later?

Koharu: Nah, I’ll be using it for personal use so I’ll go myself

Felix: Is it the plant you got from the kids last year? Has it bloomed yet?

Koharu: Well it should have, but nothing yet. Even when it was supposed to bloom a while back

Jun: Its a very beautiful flower right? Hm… I wonder what the reason is..

Koharu: I’m being careful with the sunlight and temperature plus the watering timing should be on track so…

Daimon: With all that effort and love that your showing it, it should bloom soon

Koharu: Ahaha, fingers crossed

~Backstage~

Jun: ah… a- I can’t draw my eyeliner straight..

Tomoru: Lend me it for a bit, I’ll do it…. Um… maybe.. Something like this?

Jun: eh..ah.. ah- wait a moment Tomoru..! Isn’t this a bit too fat?

Daimon: It seems we’ll have to ask Koharu to fix it when he arrives

Tomoru: That's right.. For the time being we should just prepare as much as we’re able to!..!

Felix: Speaking of that, Koharu is awfully late.. Daimon, after that, were you able to contact him?

Daimon: No.. during that call he just said that he’ll find a way to make it to the live in time but..

Jun: …ah.! Is it because today I haven’t been haunted by misfortune.. What should I do… thats right! Tomoru! Take that guitar over there and whack me straight in the head!

Tomoru: First, that's not possible, and second, no, I’m not doing that.

[Ping]

Daimon: Ah, a message from Koharu

Felix: Whats the situation on his end like?

Daimon: One of the kids he’s taking care of caught a fever, and their parent isn’t able to come by soon

Jun: …eh?

Daimon: To make matters worse, Koharu is the only caretaker available at the moment, so his hands are tied. Even if he’s somewhat late, he’ll still come to the livehouse, is what he said

Tomoru: What should we do? We can’t just go on like this, but there also isn't much time until the live is scheduled to start either.. should we change the performance now? 

Jun: Did we have any songs that didn’t require a bass… or should we just adlib something on the spot? …I’m worried about that though

Felix: hm.. But just brainstorming will take up too much time

Daimon: That's right, if we’re looking for a bassist I have someone in mind. They're acquaintance from my roadie days but they know our songs very well. I think that today they said they’d also be here, so while waiting for Koharu, what about having them play instead? 

Jun: but the costume and makeup…

Tomoru: How about having them play from the stage wings? They can look at the score while doing it, and we can explain the situation so when Koharu-san gets here we’ll-

Felix: Hold it.

Daimon: What’s wrong Felix?

Felix: In the chance that Koharu does make it later on, there’s no way we can show our audience and performance without all the official members 

Jun: …so that means..

Felix: Let's cancel the live.

Tomoru: But-

Felix: I’ll take all responsibility. To everyone who’s already gathered for the live today, I’ll apologize later on

Daimon: But if we cancel it now, won’t he feel worse about it

Tomoru: That's right.. It’s not as if Koharu-san is at fault either…

Felix: I’ll have a talk with Koharu later on. Tomoru, I’m going to talk to the owner, so could you accompany me?

Tomoru: Okay.

Felix: Daimon and Jun, remove your makeup. If there are any remaining fans, I want you to act as staff to explain the situation and lead them out

Daimon: Ah, okay. Jun, lets go

Jun: Eh..! Ah.. I got it..

~Bar~

Koharu: I need another refill of this

Owner: Roger that, you need a double?

Koharu: Yeah

Koharu: Hah.. at least nothing bad happened to the kid.. I handed them over to their parent safely so for the time being, one weight on my shoulder is gone.. But saying that, the live.. Got canceled huh. While it couldn’t be helped.. It still stings pretty bad.. They’re all nice so they’ll all probably say ‘don’t mind it’ or something like that..

Koharu: But on second thought its still so frustrating… because of me we had to miss one of our live dates. Even though we don’t have as frequent activities, the live for the people who were always waiting for us was…!

Koharu: Hah 

Koharu: I can’t apologize enough to both the members and the fans. But, how this kind of situation never happened before was most likely constant good luck after all… if something happens to one of the kids, regardless of what I want, I need to prioritize the children first. But its not like the others don’t prioritize the band either.. Even this time they’re all balancing things individually so its overwhelming..

Koharu: Thats why I ran to alcohol… drinking at this time definitely tastes bitter.. If I keep drinking, stuff that I don’t wanna think about will come wafting into my head..

Koharu: That's right… back then when Daimon’s grandpa was hospitalized I was…

Koharu: Shit

Owner: You seem oddly tired today, something happen?

Koharu: My bad, it ain’t much. .. I’ll ask for another of this then

Koharu The reason we appeared in the LRFes was because we were aiming to become pros. Thinking that was our last chance, we took care of alot of things and tried our hand, and even came all the way to Tokyo.

Koharu: If at that time, we had won the fes and went pro.. Something like “I have work right now so I won’t be able to perform” wouldn’t have worked.. did the me at that time really have the guts to go forward with that…? How do those guys feel about this.. Even the ones younger than me Tomoru and Jun will soon become 30… we aren’t students, we’re all full-fledged adults.

Koharu: Is it really okay to not drop these dreams and continue on like this..? 

~Fantome Iris sharehouse~

Tomoru: Ah, it seems Koharu-san is back

Felix: Welcome back, Koharu

Koharu: w-what, you guys. I told you all that I’d be back late so just go to bed earlier right?

Jun: Well, this is around the time I’m always awake so…

Tomoru: Since we’re all taking a rest day tomorrow, don’t worry about it

Daimon: We were all worried about you

Felix: Daimon, could you prepare something nice on the stomach? Something for post-drinking like chazuke?

Koharu: Today’s live being canceled was my fault so you don’t have to worry so much

Daimon: Regardless of that, take a seat. It was a tiring day right? The face you have on right now seems more alcohol induced than normal after all

Koharu: Seen right through huh. 

Koharu: I’m really sorry about the incident today. I caused alot of trouble to both you guys and our fans too.

Jun: K-koharu-san..

Felix: Koharu, raise your head. None of us here are going to pin the blame on you after all

Tomoru: That's right, there is no need for you alone to feel responsible for it

Koharu: … 

Daimon: I’ll go make the chazuke. Is there anything you want?

Felix: Ah, I’ll have one too

Tomoru: Me too. Jun, you’ll eat some as well right?

Jun: y-yup

-----------

Tomoru: Ah that reminds me, I was scrolling through sns a while ago and there were alot of supporting messages sent. Like “I’m sure there was something that occured” or “I want you all to still do your best!”.

Jun: Um.. there were also very few that were mad about it. Alot of people said that Fantome will always pull off a good live next..

Felix: That proves the strong trust and bond between us and our fans of course~

Daimon: That's true. Koharu, when the next chance comes we’ll bounce back

Koharu: ..yeah.. That's right…

Everyone: …

Felix: Lets discuss a bit about the next live. It was good that the owner of this livehouse was kind enough to say that while it won’t to be soon, as soon as a day opens up they’ll make adjustments to their schedule.  

Daimon: The fans are expecting a lot so, we need to show them something good.

Tomoru: On that topic, how about we make some adjustments to our set list? Possibly change the composition a bit to make it better

Jun: I’ll also help think with you… if my presence is needed though…

Felix: Thanks you everyone. I’ll take it that you’ll also start making preparations for the next live as well, Koharu?

Koharu: When the schedule is set, tell me, I’ll do my best to arrange around it

Felix: Are you possibly worried.. That something similar to this may happen again?

Daimon: Lets take this opportunity for not just Koharu but for everyone, to confirm our individual schedules 

Tomoru: Indeed so. Just like in the LRFes where due to company troubles I barely made it to perform after all… In the end it was okay since I made it but still…

Koharu: Hey… do you guys really think that… we can continue activities like this…?

Jun: …eh?

Koharu: We’re all adults here. We need to earn our own money and live, and as long as we’re all working we don’t know when this sort of situation might happen again.

Koharu: Just to put it out but I’m not putting anyone over the other, I’m just saying that at least for my job, I’m dealing with someone’s life…! If something happens, there’s no way I can look back and… if something like this between my job and the band happens again, I’ll…

Daimon: All we can do is do our best so it doesn’t happen, even me, I’ll do whatever is within my ability

Tomoru: I express the same sentiment.

Jun: y-yup

Felix: Koharu, we are comrades that settled on the same dream and moved away from our hometowns. Our dreams will definitely come to fruition, for now we can only continue on the path laid out

Koharu: Those dreams, are something we’ll all eventually wake up from right. Or do you seriously believe that those sorts of ever continuing dreams really exist?

Daimon: Hey, Koharu…

Felix: If that is how you feel, I have nothing to input then. Then, until our individual feelings can come back as once, how about we temporarily put a halt to band activities for the time being?-

Koharu: I didn’t ask for that…!

Felix: For now calm down, and lets individually sort out our thoughts, that’s what’s best now

Jun: …for how long…will that be..?

Felix: Who knows…when we’re all ready to restart activities that time will come naturally no?

Tomoru: Something like a cooling period right..? But in this situation where we all can’t really see the outcome is a bit…

Koharu: Are you really okay with that Feli..

Felix: If even one has an issue with the current band’s movement, then I believe that it is best to not make any at all

Koharu: I.. I’m asking what you want..!

Felix: I… I simply want everyone to continue music happily

Koharu: …Why do you always leave it to the will of others..! Why won’t you get mad and face me head on ?!!

Felix: I see it as there is no use in fighting, that is all.

Koharu: I said it before didn’t I.. that as long as you keep putting up that wall of yours it’ll come to bite you in the ass later on…

Koharu: To you, were we always just insignificant little existences that can be thrown away to you?!

Daimon: Koharu..! That's too much. Both of you, end it here.

Koharu: In the end… this’ll just be a repeat of the previous band isn’t it…

Jun: ah..!

[Koharu leaves]

Felix: … I’m returning to my room.

[Felix leaves]

Tomoru: Even Feli-san… ah.. How did it come to this…

Jun: D-daimon-san… it’ll be okay right..? There won’t be a fight and then break up… right?

Daimon: …ha. It’ll be fine, don’t worry about it too much. I’ll talk to Koharu for a bit..

[Daimon leaves]

Jun: There he goes… hey Tomoru.. Isn’t this…

Tomoru: Yeah… this definitely isn’t good…

Jun: I knew it…! I’ve never felt that bad of an atmosphere ever since I came to this sharehouse..!

Tomoru: Yeah… If they suddenly say that they don’t want to do the band anymore, then we have no input, is the feeling I got…

Jun: But both me and you have made sizable contributions to this band right…?...why are you smiling.. Did I get too full of myself..?!

Tomoru: No, thats not it. Its more that the Jun from the past would have been more like “Someone like me is useless..!”, or something like that right?

Jun: Thats true… but I realized that echoing those words wouldn’t be any good so..

Tomoru: …me too, I definitely want to continue this band..! I’m sure that both Feli-san and Koharu-san, and of course Daimon-san have the same feelings

Jun: um so… while maybe I can’t do much, maybe you could possibly find a solution to this problem

Tomoru: Me?

Jun: Because you had shown Feli-san your feelings when you heard their previous band was disbanding, is the reason that the current Fantome was born right..? Plus, when Feli-san asked you to join, you brought me along and now… I’m here too, so…

Tomoru: …

Jun: …ah! Sorry, someone like me butting in was…!

Tomoru: …no. Jun, thank you

Jun: I’ll also think of things I can do too, while waiting for the band to move along again…

Tomoru: Got it, I’ll do that too

~Koharu’s room~

Daimon: It’s me. I’m entering okay?

[Daimon enters]

Daimon: Koharu, I’ll get straight to the point. The reasoning behind you thinking you can’t continue the band isn’t just that one thing right..

Koharu: Yup. What happened now, if the worst happened to a child I was entrusted with, I didn’t know how I would be able to take responsibility.  

Daimon: …

Koharu: To imagine that my own child I entrusted to someone could be in grave danger when I’m not there… there’s no way their parents or family could handle it

Daimon: With your line of work. Isn’t that something you understood from a while back? Why now all of a sudden? …Is it because you thought of my grandpa?

Koharu: ..!

Daimon: Despite you and gramps being so close, when he fell critically ill, no matter how many time you were contacted, you never showed. In the end he couldn’t see you before passing, and you didn’t even attend his funeral either. But you’ve always hidden the reason why.

Koharu: Right now isn’t… this isn’t the topic at hand

Daimon: I’m prepared to take any explanation given, yet you give me radio silence so it frustrates me, and makes me sad.

Daimon: …hey Koharu. The way you’re acting right now, you’re no different than Felix you know? 

Koharu: …not like I don’t know that.

Koharu: …sorry but could you leave? Right now I don’t think I’m in the mood to talk with anyone

Daimon: …I see.

[Daimon leaves]

Koharu: …hah.. I’m pathetic aren’t I… Little potted plant, last year you were so beautiful but no matter how much water I give you now… it’s useless isn’t it…

Koharu: …if all you have left is to wither out…

~Tomoru’s office~

Tomoru: …even so we’re in a bind… ignoring the thorny atmosphere, we should really sit down and clearly discuss the future activities of the band together soon. As expected, the issue waters down to us being unable to focus on music entirely. Then instead we should switch our band activities to our main jobs and take up part time jobs during our free time… no that won’t work realistically…

Tomoru: Regardless of Jun, everyone enjoys their current jobs right now and none of us wanted to go pro just to quit our jobs either…

Chief: Kurokawa-kun

Tomoru: Going pro huh…

Chief: Kurokawa-kun…! How’s the progress on the project I asked about the other day?

Tomoru: Ah! My apologies! I am currently drafting the report mail at the moment. I will hand it over at once…!

Chief: Apologies okay? Make sure you’re taking sufficient breaks and not too much overtime okay? The labor standards office has been pretty noisy these days. And to add, maybe in around 30 minutes could you clear some time for a meeting?

Tomoru: Understood. Then, I will reserve the conference room.

Tomoru: Um.. so after I send this mail out, I need to reserve a conference room and then start preparing for tomorrow’s meeting, ah before that I need to contact the suppliers and my meal… well the snacks that someone gave out are here so I guess this’ll do.

Tomoru: Come to think of it, I haven’t been listening to music as much anymore.I used to keep up with music news more often, and watch live performances before bed too. Despite saying I like music, I only listen to the bands or artists I like on repeat and don’t try anything new either…

Tomoru: Wake up in the morning, go to work, get beat up by said work, come back home exhausted, practice music for a live, then wake up again and go back to work in a loop. I love music and I don’t want to quit, but if I don’t work, I can’t do the things I love either. For me and the others, are band activities really something we love…? Or is it just something that feels worthless if we quit halfheartedly..? No.. thats not it. But I know damn well that we can’t just continue to do it if we simply love doing it either..

Subordinate: Um, Kurokawa-senpai..!

Tomoru: …ah, sorry! Did you just call for me?

Subordinate: Yes, my apologies. I just needed to ask about something, can I take a bit of your time?

Tomoru: Ah, okay, sure. Apologies but could you wait 5 minutes or so?

Subordinate: Understood! I apologize for disturbing you while you’re so busy. Then, I’ll be waiting at a table in the break room..!

Tomoru: Okay, then I’ll be there in a moment.

Tomoru: I have a mountainload of work to do. I shouldn’t be thinking of my private life during work should I? Today I should maybe find a way to round this all up and take a detour back home.

~Champ de Fleur~

[Cafe door opens]

Daimon: Sorry, we’re not open- …ah, Jun. It's rare to see you come in this early

Jun: …I couldn’t really sleep well it seems. …I’m sorry for coming before opening hours…

Daimon: No, don’t be. Are you hungry? If its a simple dish, I can make you something

Jun: nono…! No need… to be honest, I came to ask you something…

Daimon: What is it?

Jun: I want to do a bit of work so… I think I’ll be coming here more often. I don’t mind just sitting in the corner of the kitchen either so if its okay…

Daimon: I don’t mind but, if its work, don’t you think the sharehouse would be easier to work in

Jun: um…well…

Daimon: …ah. Sorry, because of us it's become uncomfortable hasn't it?

Jun: no thats..! It's not any of your faults it's just… I just have some things to do…and this place is calming

Daimon: Got it, come whenever you please

Jun: Thank you so much, I’m glad that you’re here…

Daimon: Is that so… Jun

Jun: ah..yes?

Daimon: You’re worried that the band might break apart right?

Jun: thats.. well…

Daimon: Did you know the reason why the previous band that Felix and Koharu were in disbanded?

Jun: um.. If I’m correct, the band was slated for a major debut yet all of a sudden during a live, Felix-san said that they were disbanding..?

Daimon: Yeah, without giving any semblance of discussion or reason to the other band members.

Daimon: I’m sure that the reason Felix gave was that the members’ hearts were growing far from the worldbuilding that was created. I… I think that at this moment, we're just unsure of where to go and are temporarily lost. 

Daimon: I’m sure that the feeling of wanting to continue this band is still strong within all 5 of us.

Jun: Daimon-san…

Daimon: The feelings that Felix holds for this band is different from the previous, I’m sure. And Koharu as well. We’re not done yet. Thats why, I feel that we just need a something to instigate our feelings… or so I think

~Cafe~

Tomoru: I thought that by coming to a cafe I could organize my thoughts but my head has just been going around in circles for so long… That reminds me, I got a message from my parents asking how I’m doing, I should respond. 

Tomoru: But… the atmosphere feels awkward when I mention music, while they don’t say it straight to my face, they’re definitely asking how long I’m going to continue being in a band… what to do…

[Phone vibrates]

Tomoru: Huh? I don’t know this number… where is this from?

Tomoru: Yes?

Mashu: Hello. I want to confirm, this is a phone number of a member of Fantome Iris’, yes?

Tomoru: Yes, that is correct.

Mashu: My name is Mashu, from Dreadnought Music. My apologies for the sudden contact however I have a suggestion of action for your band members, and would like to ask for your time and audience.

Tomoru: …eh. Ah, what sort of business do you have with us?

Mashu: I would like to discuss this in detail, in person. Soon, a band from under our label will be performing a live, hence we would like to extend an invitation to you.

Tomoru: That band would be…

Mashu: Gyroaxia. Similar to you, they had also appeared in the LRFes and I believe you had also interacted with them a bit.

Tomoru: You want us to come see Gyroaxia’s live?

[morg-among-the-stars]

For as much as I pride myself in being a writer and a theatre kid, a huge part of me is being into gaming. I have used games such as Minecraft, Undertale, The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, Detroit: Become Human and so many more to help me get through the loneliness and hardest times of my life, long before I had media such as theatre to do that.

I discovered the Theorists channels in late 2015/early 2016, in that transitional time between elementary and middle school. The first Game Theory I ever watched was “Game Theory: FNAF 2, Gaming's Scariest Story SOLVED!”, which not only introduced me to the Five Night’s at Freddy’s franchise, it introduced me to tangential learning: the concept of learning through media that a person already enjoys, as well as picking up on small details or background information to answer questions.

This is what I do with the fandoms I’m “known for” on here and any other internet space!

Picking up on small details and drawing conclusions are things I’ve done to create all the fics I’ve made for Dear Evan Hansen and The Politician within the last few years, how I’ve been able to understand character motivations and drives through tiny details that some people might miss.

With that, I also love to learn. Any one who knows me, knows that I “learn to love better”, so to speak. I research problems to try and fix them, and research vastly different things such as mental health issues to better understand them and educate myself for the loved ones in my life who have various struggles.

MatPat and the entire Theorist crew created channels and a space that encourages learning through means of fun things such as video games and shows, even branching out to food and style with recent channels.

It also, more importantly, created a space where weirdness could be encouraged, where nerds and geeks were welcomed with open arms, and where a community was fostered of unique and immensely intelligent and creative people.

And that, a space to belong as a person generally on the outside of every group at that young age of being ten or eleven, is something I needed. Something that I was able to grow with. I was a proud theorist through middle and high school, and even now to this day. I haven’t been a loyal theorist since the beginning, but I’ve been one for a long enough time to say it changed my life in so many ways.

It inspired me to create my own theories and express them to people and, even if they don’t always make sense/come across as self-indulgent or weird, to never stop learning and expanding my mind.

People often need a place to belong and to feel accepted in all their quirks and oddities, and MatPat and everyone at Team Theorist managed to do that beautifully for thirteen years.

These people and their theories helped me through the hardest times and gave me comfort when not much else did.

And for that, I, as well as many others, I’m sure, give a big thank you and a huge, community-wide group huge.

I’ll forever be a loyal theorist.

But hey, that’s just a theory. A game theory!

💚❤️💛💙

[zerotoheroart]

Hello! My name is JT and I suck at drawing. Lol. But I’m not beating myself up about it. I’ve done that for years already and I’m over that. So, just to bring you up to speed. I am in my late 20s and I’ve been drawing since I was about 19, so nearly ten years now of drawing almost every day. There’s just one problem, I leveled up in skill at around 22, or 23 and stopped. I haven’t gotten any better in any noticeable way since I was in my early 20s and I’ve finally become mature enough to admit why I still suck. I. Did. Not. Practice. Correctly. They say that practice makes perfect, but the reality is that perfect practice makes perfect. If you practice to do something the wrong way, you won’t learn how to do that thing correctly. It’s just as plain as that. 

For the longest time, I felt like drawing was a magical thing, a gift bestowed upon the gods chosen few to be able to put pencil to paper and create worlds, objectify nature, tell stories, and just generally wow the socks off people. This is not the way it works, but for years I thought that to be the case. So although I’ve always wanted to be an artist and tell super cool stories, I never practiced drawing because when I was a kid I drew a picture as part of a school project and everyone laughed at it because it was so bad. (It was a picture of Pikachu from Pokemon and it was so awful the good artist in the class drew a picture of pikachu right next to mine just to show how much better she was than me). Anywho, mild childhood trauma aside, I didn’t try to draw seriously again until I was 19 and in college. I was getting a graphic design degree, and for those who don’t know, you don’t need drawing skills to do graphic design. Making logos and whatnot requires a good eye for design, color theory, etc., but not drawing skills. That said, some of the students in my class were extremely good at drawing and it reminded me how much I wanted to be good at something like that, so I bought a sketchbook and started drawing. 

The problem was that I felt behind. I was 19 and most of the good artists in the class had been drawing since they were little kids, so I felt like I needed to find shortcuts to get gud quick! Basically I skipped right over the fundamentals and tried to use every shortcut imaginable to get to where I “wanted to be and should have been already”. I didn’t draw shapes, or work on perspective, or anatomy, or any of that crap. I didn’t have time! I needed to get good ASAP! So I brute forced that shit and skipped all the introductory stuff and went straight into characters, and architecture, and animals and animation….and I absolutely sucked. It wasn’t all bad, like I said before I got “better”, but never good, never to a level that would be considered professional by any means of the word. So I woke up with a rapidly approaching birthday realizing that I only had a short time before I was no longer a 20 something and became a 30 something. An existential crisis ensued. 

My best friend in the whole world is an amazing artist. They are a 3D animator, and they can draw the most badass shit you can imagine as well. Meanwhile, I drew like a ten year old after a couple art classes. Not that I am comparing myself to anyone else, but my friend is proof that studying art the right way is the best way. So I swallowed my pride, looked myself in the mirror, and said “JT, you aren’t getting better at art. You have to change the way you do things or one day you’ll be 50, 60, 70 not drawing any better than you are now!” So I decided to empty my cup, admit I was a rank amateur, and needed proper study. I am back to square one. I accept that. I am taking on the mindset that today is the first day that I am learning how to draw. It will be years before I get to a professional level, but practicing in a professional manner will actually get me there, as long as I persevere. So here today I am at the wax on wax off stage of art. I’m drawing basic shapes. Hundreds, and hundreds of basic shapes, every single day for at least the next 14 days. I aim to at least do ten pages of shapes a day. Once I can do this with confidence, I will move on to volume and practice drawing 3D shapes like spheres and cubes. 

I am writing this as a journal to not only motivate myself, but to hopefully motivate others to see someone go from zero to hero! I’m gonna be training like the main character from a shonen anime from now on until I get as strong at art as I can! My goal in life is to tell the one story I’ve always wanted to tell, and by jove I’m gonna do it. If you want to follow my journal and journey please stop by each week for new progress updates. I will be journaling this entire thing so that I can prove that with the right practice and effort ANYONE can become a good artist. Wish me luck!  

[warden-melli]

Not pokemon related but fuck these last few years have been tough. Been trying to distract myself all night but I think I need to vent for a sec

Trigger warning after the cut

I don’t want to get into details, but my uncle killed himself this morning. I knew something was wrong straight away when my mother randomly turned up with that look on her face. My grandmother was diagnosed with dementia last year, and my grandfather is in kidney failure, so at first I thought something bad and happened to them, but no. It was my uncle.

I spent a lot of today with my dad. My uncle was his little brother, and quite frankly as sad as I am for what happened to my uncle, I’m most worried about my dad right now. Not only did he lose both his father and older sister within the last year or so, but he’s been in pretty poor health himself. He was involved in an accident at work earlier this year involving a chainsaw, and honestly he’s lucky to be alive. PPE did it’s job, but even so he still ended up losing a tooth, and he’s had to have dental/implant surgeries to repair the damage. The last few weeks he’s also been extremely ill having caught Ross River fever from a job site. I have never seen him this sick in my entire life, and it has been extremely distressing seeing him in so much pain. He’s recovering from being sick, but he’s had an absolutely terrible run of luck, and that’s not even all of it. His best friend/brother in law has lung cancer, his sister just had a heart attack after contracting covid, and another of his sisters was just in a major car accident (he’s one of 10 kids btw). Also his pet budgie died last week. I feel horrible for him and I wish I could do something to make it better.

The last few weeks have been really tough. I broke my wisdom tooth, and because I am really bad at telling if/where I’m in pain I kinda tried to live with an exposed nerve for a few weeks before realising that it was serious. I knew something was wrong, but I have tmjd so I just kinda thought it was a chronic pain flare up at first. Like a really bad one, but I tried to ignore it. I had the back of my knee tattooed while dealing with a cracked wisdom tooth oof. After I figured out it wasn’t going to go away I eventually went to the dentist and had it extracted, but that was really hard for me to deal with. I was happy that the sharp pain had gone, but my jaw has been extremely sore since, and I really struggled sensory wise during the healing period. Then I broke my guitar and my fridge broke, so that’s over $1000 on top of the dental bills -_-

Idk life feels really hard lately. Haven’t been able to draw much, and have just been feeling flat in general. And now my uncle has passed and I just feel terrible. I’ll be okay. My sister is due to have a baby within weeks, and I’ve got some good concerts to look forward to, so it’s not all bad. One of my little sisters has been a twenty one pilots fan since she was literally an infant, and she’s finally old enough to see them live and I was able to get her really good tickets. She’s autistic too and has been working on her outfit and making stickers, and every time I see her that’s all she can talk about. I’m so happy for her and that I get to take her. There is good stuff, and good people and as silly as it sounds Melli/Pokemon really helps. He’s so so special to me. I’m glad I have him to focus on

I just needed to get stuff off of my chest, so if you’ve made it this far thanks for listening. Even if no one reads this just typing it out made me feel a bit better. May be a bit less active for a while, might be way more active. Idk how my brain wants to handle this lol

[lightofunova]

As the year draws to a close, I find myself looking back at the past year and I just need to state how absolutely crazy it has been for me.

This blog will be one year old in January, which it’s so funny that it’s already almost been an entire year since I started posting and interacting? It isn’t the official birthday yet, but I just want to thank everyone for reading and interacting and supporting me this past year. I’ve met so many wonderful people in the community who have pushed me to want to do better, and who I want to interact witth more but my own shyness and nerves prevent me from doing so.

You all have truly spoiled me this year by allowing me to share my silly ocs and stories witth you all, and just by listening to me I am already content. Thank you truly from the bottom of my heart for allowing me to be a part of this community, for being able to create my own little corner here just to act silly.

And I have so many new friends I haven’t said a proper thank you to, for one reason or another. Maybe due to being busy or me being too bashful to admit it over late night calls or to even start a conversation in dms. Before the year is out I want to right that.

@symphonies-of-silver I know that I’m not someone who is super close, but honestly I started askblogging because of you! You made me want to do it and seeing Ginjiro and his story begin to unfold, I was inspired to do my own. I wish I could talk more with you in dms, you seem like such an amazing person and I love hearing about your ocs and ideas honestly, I’m just shy haha. I can’t wait to see what ideas you craft up in the coming year, it’s always something to look forward to.

@lustrous-dawn Gosh, I’ve always adored your writing style so much, I often find myself reading over your words and wanting to be more eloquent with my own sometimes haha. You always inspire me to write more than draw, and you’d be surprised how many little blurbs and drafts I’ve made this year about various things haha. You also showed me that, it’s alright to just do your own thing. It’s fine to just post whenever you want, what you want, and how you want. I don’t think I realized that when I started but now that the year had been ending I’m starting to realize it, even if you told me that a bajillion times over calls haha.

@askdeoxys Gosh, I don’t know what to say sometimes when we talk. You have done alot for me this year over calls and chats and games, I mean hell I wouldn’t be using a tablet now if it wasn’t for you. You really know how to cheer someone up when they’re down, and all of the conversations we’ve had this past year have been so much fun. I never thought I would be ending 2023 having accomplished so much, You egg me on to do the things that matter in life. The advice you give is always dead on, and even if I don’t listen to it it’s just because I’m a silly adult who thinks she knows better haha. Thank you for supporting me so much this year, I really do appreciate it.

@ceruleancavesmonster Golly gosh bestie, it’s been so long since we became friends, it’s wild to see how far everything has come. I know things have been busy af lately, but I can’t believe how far we’ve come! When making this I was so worried it’d be a dumb idea, but I just appreciate all the love and support you’ve shown me this entire year. From getting excited over my posts to helping me think through plot lines and ideas you really have been my biggest supporter in all of this. Just thank you so much for sticking with me through all these years, I can’t wait to see what happens next year 💙💙

And to all those I didn’t mention just know that I appreciate you more than you know, you all gave me something to work towards, something to inspire me in one way or another. Thank you so much for supporting my blog, and I hope you’ll stick around for another year in the making.

[toujokaname]

One Night Spectacle / Episode 1

Author: Kino Seitaro with Akira

Characters: Kanata, Tatsumi, Hiyori, Arashi, Hokuto

"Instead, I have friends I can rely on. I will never stand alone at the top like my father."

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Location: Old Seisoukan Building

Season: Winter

Time: A few days later.

Kanata: I have finished~ Tatsumi.

Tatsumi: Thank you very much. You were right on time, Kanata-san.

Kanata: Fufu. "Communal life" must be based on "respect" for others.

On the first day, I was quite "careless", but...

I realized that "Ohisama"-san and "Chief"-san, who are my usual "roommates", are very "considerate" of me.

Hiyori: Mm~ I just do what I normally do. Rinne-senpai has a different rhythm of life, so maybe he's trying to be attentive.

Kanata: Both "Chief"-san and I come from backgrounds different from urban "perfection"~ Maybe he had his own thoughts about it.

Arashi: Come to think of it, surprisingly, everyone seems to have no trouble with living together anymore. All of us are doing well, or maybe we've just gotten used to each other.

With such a unique group of people, it wouldn't be strange if a problem or two arose.

Hokuto: There are some room assignments that make you wonder "why would you put those two together?", but I haven't heard of any big trouble here. Maybe we got into a better place than expected.

Kanata: Anyway, Tatsumi~ I went out of my way to leave the bath "on time". How about you enter soon?

If you don't get in soon, all my efforts will be for "naught".

Tatsumi: Oops. My apologies, the talk went on for too long.

Then, I'm off to take a bath as well. I must warm myself up to avoid catching a cold.

Arashi: Ufufu. I should also get ready for bed soon.

Hokuto-chan, don't stay up late today and go to bed early.

Hokuto: Of course. I've decided to get up earlier than usual this week.

The commotion of the first day has completely settled down, and I've been able to prepare for the reading drama with plenty of time to spare these days. It looks like my wish will come true soon.

Arashi: It's great that your "wish" is tied to the success of the show. I hope you'll help me with my "wish", too.

Hokuto: As much as I'd like to, the costume designs Anzu showed me yesterday were based on Princess Kaguya.

Isn't that something Narukami would call "cute"?

Arashi: But that's so not the same thing. Wearing a specific outfit for work and wearing matching outfits are two very different things.

Hokuto: That's true, but...

As I thought, I still can't say it's going to be the "best broadcast" yet.

Arashi: Really? I think we'll get a passing grade.

Hokuto: Of course, it won't be bad. But, with Tomoe-senpai's retirement...

Hiyori: Hmm. Are you getting all worked up because of me? You're a good junior, aren't you?

Jun-kun also used to be more junior-like when we first met, and he used to be all cute. But recently, he has grown to be rougher towards me!

Hokuto: That's it. That's what we're lacking.

We're playing the roles of a group of classmates, but since we're usually in the positions of seniors and juniors, we haven't been able to close the distance between us when we get into character.

At the rate we're going, we're still far from reaching the end that Tomoe-senpai desires... I feel such a sense of crisis.

Hiyori: Fufu. You're rather hot-blooded. I thought you were the type of person that can firmly draw a line on their emotions, like Hidaka-sensei.

Hokuto: My father is a good example of what not to be. I'm not the kind of great man who can do everything by himself.

Instead, I have friends I can rely on. I will never stand alone at the top like my father.

Hiyori: Fufu. Your family's story is very interesting, but I'm not going to ask you about it.

Either way, I understand Hokuto-kun's point—

We haven't been able to get inside each other's hearts yet. We need time to laugh and grieve more and more together!

Tatsumi: ...Then, our next task is teamwork.

Arashi: Oh my. You've finished bathing already, Kazehaya-senpai?

Tatsumi: No. I will do so afterward. I was just in the dressing room, and I heard talk of something very interesting.

I could sense Hokuto-san's anxiety, so I hurriedly put on my clothes and came back.

Hiyori: Tatsumi-kun sure has a hell of an ear. You also seem to have been eavesdropping on my phone calls.

Tatsumi: It's far from being hellish[1]. I just happened to be there.

Arashi: Ufufu. It's just like "Kazehaya-senpai's Confessional!"

Kanata: Confessional...?

Tatsumi: Yes. It's a radio show in which I serve as the host.

It's a program in which I answer the questions and concerns of listeners and guests, and it seems to be getting a good response.

Kanata: I see. If that is the case, I would like to hear how Tatsumi would respond to Hokuto's "concern".

What can we do to make our relationship more "familiar"?

Tatsumi: Very well. Paradoxically, I think it would be good for us to take a break from practicing.

Kanata: Do you mean taking a "day off" from practice?

Tatsumi: Yes. As I interrupted to say just now, I consider this matter to be a teamwork issue.

How about an increase in the number of casual interactions that are seemingly unrelated to practice?

For example, fulfilling "wishes" outside of practice—Kanata-san's and Arashi-san's desires are of that kind.

Arashi: So that's it. I'm a little worried about missing practice at this stage, but... If we can take the time, I wanna enjoy it ♪

Kanata: I want to "bathe" with everyone too ♪

Hiyori: Mhm, mhm. Then it's decided! It would be unfair to just listen to Hokuto-kun all the time, wouldn't it?

Hokuto: It's both my "wish" and Tomoe-senpai's. Don't make it sound like I'm the only one benefiting from this.

Hiyori: Ahaha, I don't care about the details!

Tomorrow is a day off from lessons! It's our last chance to freshen up before the show—let's go out and have fun ♪

Maybe we can find the last piece we need there. We may be able to dream of an amazing spectacle...✩

Hiyori uses the term 地獄耳, literally meaning sharp ears. It often refers to a person who is eager to hear about gossip and remember it. It contains 地獄 (jigoku) in it, which means hell. Hence, Tatsumi's reaction.

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[dreamlandsfilth]

Nine seduces Noel into her bedroom and gets fucked and knocked up by her, becoming her secret lover and cumdumpster

(I apologize for the late response, life has been hectic of late, I hope you enjoy your request!)

Nine knew that the blonde bitch would be an easy fuck, especially considering what was under her skirt.

Still, it was a good thing she had some spatial warping magic, she didn’t give a rats ass about having her cock in eyes view, but it was hard to go about her business when any and every girl in sight immediately started slurping on it until she raped their throat with all twenty inches of sweaty, throbbing, veiny, uncircumsised, girl cock.

That and well, nothing beat the look on their eyes when she took her clothes off and a third limb jutted out from her pelvis that was as thick as her wrist and had balls that were almost as big as her tits hanging from her sack.

That look in their eyes as they realized they were finally about to fulfill their true roles.

Their true roles as ball polishers, as cum addicted cock slaves, as Nine’s personal jizzrags, as the bitches that will spend the rest of their lives eating Nine's dickcheese and drinking the infinite amount of cum that her balls constantly produce. Then, they would cum all sense out of their soon to be ruined cunts.

Nine’s latest blond slut followed this route to the T.

And while Nine had a preference for Brunettes, there was something about girls with toned stomachs and flat tits that did something for her. Maybe because she could make them watch her dick destroy them through their own skin, or maybe could flaunt her own superiority, either way, she was about to have her fun.

The pink haired witch dropped her bitchbreaker on Noel’s stomach with a loud and meaty *PLAP* that resounded through the room as the musk of her unwashed cock invaded Noel’s entire existence.

Noel could feel her body enter into overdrive, her cunt gushing like a waterfall, her womb opening, and her eggs getting ready to be drowned in the superior seed of the woman above her.

“Ffffuuuck… you haven’t even done anything yet and… and… oh god… your going to tear me in half…” Noel moaned as Nine began to grind her dick on her newest onahole.

“If you beg, I might just do that.” Nine taunted with a cruel smile as she placed a gloved finger on her tip and slowly ran it down her entire length, Noel watching intently as drool escaped her mouth and her eyes turning into pinpricks.

“Please… please ruin me master, please…” Noel whined, making Nine smile with even more cruelty laden in it.

“I said beg, not pillow talk.” Nine cooed before drawing the head of her cock back, teasing the soon to be ruined pussy.

Noel let out a shuddering, broken, moan before doing exactly what Nine wanted her to do.

Beg.

“PLEASE!!! RUIN MY CUNT!!! MAKE IT TO WHERE THE ONLY WAY I WILL EVER BE ABLE TO GET OFF AGAIN IS WHEN I AM FUCKING MYSELF ON YOUR FILTHY GIRLCOCK!!! BREED THIS N.O.L. BITCH!!! GET ME PREGNANT!!! MAKE ME GIVE BIRTH TO ALL OF YOUR CHILDREN!!! FUCK ME!!! FUCK ME!!! FUCK- OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH GOOOOOD” Noel screamed as Nine speared her on her bitchbreaker, breaking her cervix walls like tissue paper, the imprint of her cock visible through Noel’s skin as she was folded over herself, Nine slamming her hips into Noel with so much force that Noel’s ass was jiggling and shaking and with so much speed that they had become a blur of depravity and absolute cunt ruining meat.

“I AM GOING TO FUCK YOU UNTIL YOU BEG ME TO STOP!!! UNTIL YOU ARE JUST LIVING CUM SOCK!!! UNTIL YOU LOSE ALL SENSE OF EVERYTHING EXCEPT THE ONLY TWO IMPORTANT THINGS IN YOUR MISERABLE FUCKING EXCUSE FOR A LIFE!!! MY DICK AND MY BALLS!!! THAT IS GOING TO BE YOUR WORLD FOR THE REST OF YOUR PATHETIC EXISTANCE JIZZRAG!!!” Nine screamed into the crosseyed fuck drunk face of the slut below her who could only cum like a bitch in heat and scream in joy in pleasure as she finally fulfilled her true purpose in life.

“NOW!!! TAKE MY BABY BATTER!!! GET PREGNANT!!! I DON’T CARE WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU, I ONLY GIVE A FUCK IF I AM ABLE TO EMPTY MY BALLS INTO WHATEVER BITCH I CAN!!!” Nine shouted to the heavens as she buried herself completely into the sex toy below her, flooding her womb with cum, raiding her ovaries and near instantly impregnating her, the sheer volume of it all forcing its way back and shooting out from around her master's cock.

“Cock… Masters Cock… Masters Baby…” Nine’s blonde toy moaned in mindbroken bliss.

Mindbroken bliss that was about to amplified a thousandfold as Nine pulled out with a groan of pleasure, gallons of thick, impossibly virile cum flooding out of the new toy, her balls audibly churning and bubbling to replace the small fraction of nut juice the witch had just let out.

“Who said we were done fucktoy? I’m still hard, and you still have two more virgin holes.”