#I have very bad lighting right now | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

crowthingexe · 26 days ago

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uhhhh sketchbook things

#ignore the fact the they are blue #I have very bad lighting right now #And diddnt want to fix it #Also it’s funny #and the last one ignore that too #crowthing #art??#jekyll and hyde #Edward hyde

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front-facing-pokemon · 1 year ago

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#alolan raichu #holy shit these alolan forms are kicking the fuck outta my ass #the things i do for you all. my production value on this blog has increased over the years and i don't think i can get away with the same #weird shit i used to be able to when i couldn't find a good model so now i'm having to learn how to use blender and shit??#downloading weird scripts off the internet just because i can't find the right models. and now alolan raichu has kantonian eyes #they have kantonian eyes. i know. i'm sorry. i don't know how to fix it and this is the best you're going to get because i had to work for #like an hour and a half just to get to this point. and i know the lighting is dark. it's. it's bad. it'll probably be like this for all #the alolan forms at least. and holy shit when we get to gen 9 it's going to be even worse #this is a wreck!! this is a wreck. i had to use the sv model for this one and it's like #i dunno the eyes in sv aren't textures?? they're procedural. they're fucking. shaders. in sv. which is why espeon's pupils #are no longer pupils and are instead reflections (lie‚ falsehood)#and i'm. dissolving. y'all're gonna have to bear with me moving forward bc i've gotten Very used to the “it just works” nature of #the older models that i was using but this is getting way harder on me as we move into newer generations

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aq2003 · 4 months ago

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if anyone is a fan of dt's voice work/audio dramas like i am and wants to listen to something random they've likely never heard before (or if you're coming down from the tony-baddingham-rivals high and want to see (hear) him play an entirely different yet equally complicated guy) i recommend murder in samarkand! it's quite good :)

cw: explicit mentions of SA/police brutality, islamophobia, and suicidal ideation

(youtube link)

(official site: mp3 download/soundcloud link)

#(also he sings in it. not plot important but i know this will reel in a few people)#david tennant #craig murray .. complicated and fascinating man. would say fascinating character but he's very active on twitter RIGHT now #(quick skim of his wiki and he's a full time activist now. he's dedicated himself to anti zionism since like 2017 also)#he's very principled and deserving of a lot of respect on the political side but he's also very flawed in terms of his personal life #he probably had a terminal case of white savior activist but the drama lampshades this also #and i think he must have been self aware about it enough to portray himself in such a flawed and #uncomfortable light later on when he was writing his autobiography (which was later adapted into this audio drama).#i think the last note that it ends on is pretty poignant. he's labeled as a hero by some ppl when all he did was have like #very basic common sense morality. and i think the fact they include the uncomfortable details abt how he is around women #or how he treated his wife. were very intentional they were there to push that point of him not being a hero #david of course plays his womanizing in this way where ooooo i wanna feel bad for him abt it oooo i wanna believe #there's just so much love in his heart even though he keeps deeply fucking up in his relationships (big casanova energy)

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pepperpixel · 4 months ago

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I haven’t posted art in forever, (I am currently working on art tho!! It’s just taking me a bit cuz.. job..) but! But… what about if instead of the art u guys came here for. I instead posted pictures of the cool lil outfits I’ve been wearing recently that im rlly proud of… what about that???

#part of the issue w art is also for some reason. FOR REAL. the default shit I want to draw is just ME. IN MY VARIOUS CUTE LIL OUTFITS #I’ve become a narcissist… a fashion obsessed narcissist.. i just want everyone to see and admire my cool fits…#I struggle. so much more drawing shit that is not me nowadays. and I have so much less free time #but then I don’t FINISH the pics of me cuz I’m like ‘this is too self indulgent!!! stop!! draw fanart!!#like a normal person!!! ghgh-‘#ur rlly gonna come back from an art hiatus w just a bunch of silly pics of u being cute… get a fucking grip..#uhhh.. but anyway lol #I am still drawing. I’m currently working on some expiremental lineless digital art #cuz I felt shaking stuff up might help #we shall see if I finish it tho!#it me #pepper words #anyway look at my fits #my one. 2 curses r in bad at taking pictures #and I live in a dingy basement so the lighting fucking SUCKS #u cannot see all the detail…. u cannot make out All of my lil accessories #it’s sad…#all these outfits r very black and white i do in fact wear colors… mostly red. n green #but I am rlly In my aristocratic vampire / witch era right now… and I’m loving it…#middle 2 pics r the same outfit. just w and without cloak lol #also pls do me a kindness and ignore my messy ass room #lady outfit is actually my most recent and my room HAS gotten less messy! I cleaned it up!#but it’s still kinda. got some clutter lol #*last outfit. not lady outfit ghghg- these r gender neutral femme leaning outfits I’ll have u kno typo!!#also pls ignore the shit on my mirror!! the lil white speckles and stuff! I rlly gotta fucking clean that.. if I wanna keep taking cute #pictures of my outfits lol… I mean. it’s not MY mirror so I don’t think to clean it.. but it is in my living space…#mayhaps… I should clean it lol

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keeps-ache · 5 months ago

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skykids :D !!

[Eien belongs to my brother Leo, Pepeka belongs to @euclid-dragon !!]

#art #my art #artists on tumblr #digital art #oc #fanart #sky: children of the light #look at theeeem :D #i think i started on this yesterday or the day before..#not bad time with my track record !! :3 #also it was prolly a good thing i went w/ lineless cuz i don't think i would have survived. The Lines khfsvjg #//anyway i'm putting them into my microwave lol #i've taken to calling them skybabies so. yea pfshv #thinkin i might draw more of them later!! very much prolly will cuz i like this game and extra lil adventures hfh :>>#though it may be 5000 years til i get around to it. oo the suspense lolll #//ou i gotta work on my posing though #i feel like it gets stiff sometimes.. not enough Boing or Sweesh to it.. ykno.. bfhsv...#//but YEA my back hurts lmfvsh :3 #i'm gonna. uhh prolly start working on something else right after i hit post on pillowfort 👍👍 lmao #if i stop making things.. i Die ! ! foreverrrrrrr bfhvsh #yea tho. lay down time cuz my back hurts lol #ciao ciao see you some time later from now :33 !!

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tenwhiteandalusians · 6 months ago

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so no one was going to tell me if i got literally one episode further tenax drops that he’s the one who saved scorpus from his mom’s pimp AND that he’s intimately familiar with scorpus’ dick when he was younger. guys. guys.

#thinking about an INSANE divorce fic. as a follow-up to the 30k canon-compliant backstory i have not written #(really it could be an au of that because like. am i sentimental and would i want them to get emotionally divorced NO but i will get into #the variants of this later i have to tell you about them ACTUALLY divorced first before i get into the hot divorcee energy of it all)#where they fucked around when they were younger and then broke up because. yeah tenax can dream but scorpus needs certainty he is what he #is he wants attention and dignity and when blue offers for him he goes and we don’t need to know what the massive fight was but we DO need #to know that they stopped fucking and maybe they stopped talking too but now they’re Colleagues. putting the ‘because i can’ moment #into a WHOLE different light bc it’s very much a ‘you no longer have a say in who I get to fuck because it’s not YOU. because we’re not’#and thus we get an exes-to-lovers arc I still know you the best and yes I SEE the scorpus xenon andria potential & once again I am saying:#put that in a box we can’t talk about that right now I see it but that’s not what we’re here for. anyway I was TRYING to say the ‘I know u #best of anyone’ of it all and if you think I have stopped thinking about tenax goading scorpus & talking about his dick for a single second #I have not. I REALLY have not because that is top tier blatant manipulation to be like ohhhh poor baby you’re so old and rotting I can just #get a new chariot driver I don’t even really want you anyway 😇 and scorpus KNOWS It’s bait however. he’s gotta get his attention back.#anyway they are ugly divorced and it’s very slow burn but I know exactly how you taste & what buttons to press & how to grip your shoulders #in an argument until they fuck nasty on all of their riches or however this thing ends. not well for anyone but I WILL be getting them back #together. the other fun little big divorced energy thoughts i had were very much ‘divorced and arguing but it’s foreplay to threaten to #leave each other’ so they can have hot aggressive mean sex because they get off on arguing with each other. everybody in the stables starts #to see them arguing about chariot design & the brothers are scared they’re gonna kill each other & then suddenly scorpus is tongue-fucking #Tenax’s throat with a fist still in his hair and tenax has a hand pinning him back against the post by the throat and that’s all they see #before everybody clears the FUCK out. this is a regular occurrence at all times in all arguments it’s so fun I love the dynamic #OHHHH AND IT’S AN OUTSIDER POV FIC i said the brothers really i meant elia but also now that i say that. could be a fun five + 1 of #everyone watching them threaten to kill each other and then y’know. la petit mort. ALSO i know i see the calla/tenax too we can’t talk abt #that put it in the box with the chariot drivers we can have one (1) thing at a time. the calla note is because i want a calla pov of them #where she’s just like ‘freaks. right in front of my salad?’ and does not give a fuck at all. top tier. anyway. andria/elia/calla/domitian #(Domitian seeing them petition him would be so fun because he wants to puppet master everything he’d want to know SO BAD.) the 5th one idk #because I don’t have any idea about the third brother yet but maybe Tenax catching scorpus in a brothel again? and the +1 is their POV ofc.#(anyway for myself: the vibes i want here are geno/anna cat and mouse follow/unfollow divorce and win her back rumors)#scorpus/tenax #those about to die #scorpus #tenax

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jadecantcreate · 2 months ago

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am i the only person who tends to think of pain in pitch?

as in, pain can be “high pitch” or “low pitch” — if its sharp, like a paper cut or heartburn or aching, its high pitch; if its like a stubbed toe or sore muscles or a headache, its low pitch

high pitch pain is when you hiss, low pitch pain is when you groan, etc etc

i dont know if this makes sense to anyone else?????

(because everytime im writing fanfiction i have to hold myself back from describing it that way — and im not even sure i could fully, effectively communicate that w/o breaking immersion — but me saying “sharp pain” has become. a problem. probably. i really need alternatives)

#and i for some reason associate high pitch pain with light colors and low pitch pain with dark colors #its not exactly word for word like that but its the best way i can think of right now to put it #yes this was sparked by my shepnax fic #yes ive been writing it for a week and am one paragraph into chapter 2 #god what i would give to not stare at my screen for 10 minutes straight with a fully blank mind and actually. you know. write #it is what it is #if anyone has any alternatives…please let me know bc google hasn’t been very helpful (but I haven’t looked very hard since im curious if #other people think like this too)#GOD I JUST REMEMBERED I STILL HAVE HALF THE PROMISED DRAWINGS TO DO #SHOOT SHOOT SHOOT #UHM #MY BAD YALL???#ill try to crank em out tomorrow #whoops #jade rambles #-> really living up to this tag right now huh #not art #writing

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chaoticly-shy-dragon · 9 months ago

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(it's may the 4th?!)

may the fourth be with you! enjoy: ashla from my fic orderly facade, a few months after the first chapter

also a version without the scarf/shawl/head scarf

this was actually a redraw from some old colored doodles I did back in 2022 (I will probably make a comparison bc the gap between the two is something that astounds me)

#star wars #star wars oc #ashla #sors is indulging ashla (the togruta)#togruta #sors bandeaman #tumnlr is not being cooperative #jedi oc #(orderly facade au)#there is no tag tumblr sucks right now #the arm is awkward #i might redraw this too see if I ve improved #this is between ch1 and ch2 #i am stuck on an action scene #i did redraw this #this that you see is the redraw #the background took a minute but tell me #you can't say it looks bad #it actually fits so ha #also bounce light #tried my hand at that #i hate doing research and reference while drawing so i do it all beforehand and do shit from memory #may the forth be with you #may the 4th #the light beams happened by accident and the sunrise is like #a happy accident #bob ross doesn't comprehend that happy doesn't equate wanted or stressless or does this look alright or have i been staring at it for 5 hou #yes i did draw this in one go #i'm special like that (a masochist with very little attention span aka if she doesn't do it now she will not return to it ever)#my art

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vaguely-concerned · 4 months ago

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just going about my day idly contemplating how some of the ways hawke can interact with a romanced anders are not at all unlike how they interact with leandra (and a bit of carver too, especially with a purple hawke), and then thought about my hawke in the timeline where he romances anders and was hit straight in the face with 'was he ever actually in love, or was he just desperately trying to renegotiate with his mother's ghost in any way he could' and now i need to lie down. this is the power of dragon age 2

#'you don't know my mother' haunting me through the years #dragon age #dragon age 2 #hawke #On second thought let's not go to Kirkwall; it is a silly place #there are of course as many ways to do/read that relationship as there are players to interact with it haha and all valid!#but my personal version of handers is sooo fucked up and bad times for everyone involved and I love it haha.#this is a relationship neither of them should have been in and that made everything worse and everyone unhappy in the end #locked tomb levels of the horrors of love. i ship it but in the way that I want to make it sadder and more gutwrenching each time #to be clear this is a very mutual two-way kind of fucked up but I think varric in his loyalty and love would downplay hawke's side of it #for huge swathes of their relationship anders is not in a mental place to be a good partner and the emotional blackmail is Not Okay #(but it's just like how mother used to make it! hawke's soul cries sadly as it reaches for it hungrily)#which is in some ways fair enough no one could accuse him of not warning you ahead of time fjskda #but hawke is messy about it in a way only available to a covert people pleaser who has never had a millisecond of therapy #with some added stuff that my hawke is always acespec in some form and when he gets together with anders...#is the sex something he doesn't particularly care to have or not have but it 'makes anders happy'/he longs to feel wanted *and* needed #and also a way he gets out of ever being *actually* vulnerable (which I think he'd had to be with varric for example if he Went There )#'you want the hawke who's in your head so badly and I kind of wish I were that hawke too. so let's be collaborateurs with that fantasy'#(and then maybe if I do it right every time you'll finally be happy hawke says in his heart looking at this leandra-anders phantom form)#(and echoing stuff in varric's relationship to hawke but I think the important distinction there is that varric -- is a craftsman haha #he KNOWS when he's lying/making up a story he KNOWS the difference between what is and what he wishes the world was #(I think there's some deep longing there to not know; for it to blend together or have the power to change things. but he always knows)#which ironically leaves him in a better position to actually see and understand hawke the person #even as he is creating hawke the literary figure. almost to protect him in some ways? god da2 is so full of STUFF!!! I adore it)#and of course anders gets so disillusioned with hawke's inertia and lack of action (you all but married this man anders!#you should know this about him he's already carrying the whole family and city on his shoulders if you add a gram more he'll collapse!)#and hawke feels so desperately hurt that the promise anders seemed to make that he'd be enough -- that he could fix things for him --#('I'm the one bright light in kirkwall and that apparently doesn't count for shit so I'm just slowly turning to ash for you')#turned out to be untrue. anyway. sad now. imagine them meeting like twenty years on what the fuck could you even say to each other then #(I can't imagine Hawke ever physically hurting anyone he loves so he just tells Anders to leave at the end of DA2. they COULD meet again

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niaerinisms · 2 months ago

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Jam’s said this before but through what we’ve seen of him in book 3, I think it makes more sense for Aerin’s character for MC and co to have mistrusted Aerin and for him to have run away and not have returned, only to be forced to group with them in the afterlife…

#i have more thoughts on this #about how #since aerin struggles between good and bad especially due to having always felt at odds with the temple’s definition of good and bad #coupled with the neglect of his father making him feel like there was something inherently wrong with him which was why he wasn’t loved #and thus making him more suspectible to the dreadlord’s grooming and rhe shadow court’s influence #and how now he understands the weight of his actions and feels this immense remorse but is unable to really face it and insteads just tries #to escape to run away #but is still ultimately confronted with it and now is forced through work through righting his wrongs with those he hurt most #which is why nia is an important character to consider when analysing aerin as we’ve already seen they’re making #it a point that aerin still rightfully harbours so much guilt with nia being unable to forgive him yet #(thinking about how nia in b2 was the person who was advocating most for aerin to the point the others found her naive #when actually it was because of her own guilt regarding to her shadow and feelings of weakness #so it makes sense that now she’s accepted that side of her and has unlearned much of the temple’s teaching #that she allows herself that resentment)#very very excited to see what they do with that #playchoices #choices #pixelberry #blades of light and shadow #aerin valleros

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spokelseskladden · 3 months ago

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Im so mentally ill right now pls hand me my vitamin d pills i need to be fixed, i haven't felt sunlight upon my skin for a week and it's raining over the snow so it's all sloppy and slippery and dark out so i can't go anywhere without getting my feet soaked and my inlaws are asking me what i want for christmas like specifically which means i have to share my interests but i don't want to be perceived right now because I'm feeling the winter paranoia/madness and also i had to take the trashcan out yesterday and faceplanted in the snow and my glasses are all scratched up so i think im going to need new ones and if i want to go ANYWHERE i need to defrost my fucking car on the daily and i hate it. I hate winter i HATE IT. And i have an exam on friday as well as work and a christmas party to attend. I need to move to the forest and become one with nature, just leave society behind and live like Isak in Growth of the soil even though i fucking hate Knut Hansun, that nazi bitch.

#the only thing i have the energy for is apparently scouring ao3 for fics to read through my very specific search methods #and im reading stuff im NOT proud of at all (very cringe) so no im not giving any fic recs #i need the sun please god i miss the sun sooo much give it back aaaaaa #me in the summer: i miss it being dark at night i miss sleeping #me in the winter: i have deficiencies summer me could never understand #why did my ancestors (my danish grandmother and grandfather from bergen) decide to settle in the mental torture part of norway #i need to LEAVE im going INSANE i don't want to live like this #every season is its own kind of hell‚ the only semi good one is autumn and it's usually too short anyway‚ but if it's too long #it's as bad as winter because it gets dark without the snow to bring some kind of light to the day so you're just depressed #and then it gets icy but there's no snow so your car gets zero (NIL) grip on the road and then ur life flashes before ur eyes #abd spring gives you allergies and a low sun so you can't wven drive comfortably #and summer is too hot and it's bright all the time and like. it's FINE. im used to it. i just put up some decent curtains.#but it's disorienting and my internal clock is always completely and utterly fucked.#and i know im raving like a madman right now but i slept for like 13 hours and i have the mental clarity to know im going a little crazy #and i just need to get it out of my system

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b4kuch1n · 10 months ago

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tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"

#bakuspeech #number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u #he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up #(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out)#we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment #and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here #but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something #but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku #but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this #this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and #that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing #but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it #its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with #and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually #I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay #but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol #not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real #and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself #and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god #that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao #but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them #have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway

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abirddogmoment · 1 year ago

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In the same vein as my Dog Thoughts post about performance foundations last night, the more I watch Sports People, the more motivated I am to distance myself from them and be done with dog sports completely.

#i had this thought while i was still actively competing #but mav was one of the top performers for his breed for his entire career and that is addictive #photographing events this summer doglessly made it sooooo clear that i dont want to associate with Sports People #no offense to those of you who are Sports People but it is so not my vibe #i have FOMO for sure but is it enough to return to that??#(there is an argument to be made that people need to see more people having fun in the ring and keeping it light -#but i am a competitive person and honestly there were periods where i was NOT keeping it light and thats not cool)#i can see how easily i can be sucked back in #i unfollowed and blocked sooooo many people because i simple Do Not Want To See It #idk its the same vein as calling your dog bad or asshole as a 'joke'#is it actually a joke or are you harbouring resentment and justifying it as a joke?#im not sure how exactly they're similar but in my heart they are #there is a very specific flavour thats prominent in dog sports and it is not the right flavour for me #hmm im posting a lot of text posts about my thoughts in the last 24h hope this is out of my system now #back to regular queued pictures of the pubby tysm #eta: this includes confo people btw #it should be Competition People i suppose #sports are at the forefront of my brain because i was so deeply involved for years #but ive photographed enough confo shows to know that is also not the vibe

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girlivealwaysbean · 4 months ago

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pata hai last kuch din i was very busy with my project kyunki final dena tha and binding karni thi etc to wo karwayi then i went to the bookfair bekaar tha then parso submit karne jaa rahi to subah accident hogaya (bhai ki bike skid hogayi and we fell down) and now i have a big ass blue bruise on my upper thigh and my parents don't even know lmao and kal ek science conference thi to i had to sit in an auditorium for 6 hours listening to accomplished people speak. that's what you missed now your turn

omg i knew everything in this except for the accident cause i stalk your blog vigorously everyday are you okay!!!!!!!!!! did you get tetanus shots!!!!!!!!!! also on your upper thigh oh no that's where future jiju is supposed to write MINE na as per our beloved song guilty as sin?

#did u have fun at the conference it must've been cool huh women in stem and all that #bookfair being bad is so sucky i was so excited for you to go i thought you'd send pictures too of books we like #also u already know everything i posted everything and every thought #i ate chinese but it didn't feel that good because my sister isn't here and we didn't eat it together watching #koffee or splitsvilla and i realised that it's not just the chinese food it's the whole hanging out that i love sm :((#kal well i told you pata hai the brownie place we met it's kinda new and cool types so uske bathroom mein #there was a button and it said press at your own risk and when we did it became a dj like the lights went out and #there when flashing spinning disco lights and party songs were playing mere mein wo aaya hum toh naye andaz hai apna purana #it was sooo cool im adding it to the list of places you'll visit when u come here!!!!!!!#also the food was soooo shockingly reasonably priced everything was under 200 rs!!!!! which is big for a dessert place here #and like great quantity great taste too my stupid people from office used to say it's awesome but i didn't believe them and never tried it #because they're all losers lol but i grudgingly admit that they were right #also ummmm hmm okay pata hai i realised ki oh okay im happy with who i am #like bachpan mein i used to feel very sad and loser like because dad was too strict to let me go out raat ko and everyone in school would #go to this club we went to kal and i always felt i was missing out and i wanted to be all cool and fun too #but it was kinda so boring and normal and i was like wow okay i didn't miss out i was spending days and nights reading books being in #fandoms and i was actually very happy!!!!! so like yay idk small thing bt yk i realised that oh it was okay and everything will be okay too #i kinda want to talk to that guy now like i weirdly feel like im longing for what could've been? which is ridiculous because #we were 11 and i barely talked to him back then because shy and friends would tease and i didn't realise it was a crush #i don't want to DATE him because like tbh i already know we're very different people but like wouldn't it be fun to idk make out once #then i got the urge to download dating app but i resisted the urge and won i don't think im made for casual things #me and my bestie were laughing about this yesterday too she was like i just don't understand how people can have sex one day and then #not give a fuck about each other the next day like idk if we have sex im having your kids and i was like ikrrrr like bhai sex is toh very #big im going to be attached if we hug i literally did!!!!! so we decided no more casual/situationships for us #phew okay more rambling on whatsapp love u bye this became too long #saumyuuuuuu

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penisbilt · 9 months ago

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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now

#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL #really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us #ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great #extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore #the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog #its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow #i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating #i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one #i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it #theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget #anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by #there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad #cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now #maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that #im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away #ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free #i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20 #i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her #but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more #maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know #because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before #i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years #i dunno. i dont know #anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process #the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months #the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time #when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move #just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend

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lightyakami · 1 year ago

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genuinely i do not have anything against the anime adaptation of death note, i actually think it's quite good, but i wish there was more recognition that it is in fact an adaptation directed by a real human being (tetsuro araki/mochizuki saburo) who made creative decisions and explored themes which differed from those in the manga

#i feel like a lot of people have this idea that anime is just 'manga but it moves now'#but it's as much as an adaptation as the live action ones #like it adds in a lot of aesthetic christian iconography and removes some of the buddhist & shinto elements #light's death is completely different (& mikami never turns against him)#there is SO much added to L's death scene and the jarring suddenness of it is removed #light's characterization as a whole is much harsher & his behaviour is more erratic #i actually don't think these were bad decisions -- i think they worked well if you had read the manga first #(which you very possibly had bc it was ludicrously popular)#you got fun little twists and changes every week #but they are decisions #they were never an attempt to faithfully reproduce the original #i feel they're interesting in their own right idk fgjghf it does both the anime and the manga a disservice to treat them #like they're interchangeable

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