#I have to get started by tomorrow at the absolute latest

[observethewalrus]

Heyyyyy anyone wanna help a bitch out and share some family pernil recipes with someone who missed out on their abuelita’s recipes cuz their father wanted nothing to do with them???

[alsofoundinpeas]

The View from Here

Summary: After a few chance encounters, Spencer finds himself developing a crush on Y/N. When he discovers she lives across from him, he spends countless hours admiring her from a distance, too nervous to make the first move. But when her package is mistakenly delivered to his door, it sparks the beginning of something more than just a crush and stolen glances through the window.

CONTENT WARNINGS: 18+ MDNI!! This fic is intended for adult audiences. This could be considered dubcon (Spencer watches reader through her window but doesn't realize that she actually wants him to) so please be aware of that! Masturbation (both m and f). Use of a sex toy/penetrative use of a sex toy (f!receiving). Perv!Spencer (he means well truly, but alas he is a man) but also a hint of Perv!Reader (since she's intentionally doing things to grab his attention?? I'm not quite sure how to label that I'm sorry!!) Themes of voyeurism/exhibitionism (they both watch each other get off). Sub!Spencer (gotta squint for it now but it'll be more prevalent in part two). Both fluffy and smutty

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader/afab!reader

A/N: This was started to fill a request for sub!Spencer but I got carried away forgive me LMAO but part two is almost complete and will be out soon :') I wrote this with season two Reid in mind before the writers (further) traumatized the absolute fuck out of him. This is a bit different from my usual writing, so I truly hope you guys enjoy it! As always, please let me know what you guys think and if you do enjoy it then please like, reblog, and share it with your friends. <3 I truly do appreciate each and every single one of you and the feedback I get from you guys, I promise :') <3 Thank you and I love you all!! :)

The door slammed behind him as Spencer stormed into his apartment, tossing his satchel onto the couch with an angry groan. The stress of work had been wearing him down for weeks, but today had pushed him over the edge.

He’d just wrapped up the reports for their latest case and was on his way to deliver them to Hotch when an oblivious agent from the sex crimes unit collided with him. The force sent the cup of scalding coffee in her hands flying, drenching him and his case files. Instead of responding to her blubbered apologies, he had just stomped off to the bathroom to clean himself and calm down. Not only was it painful and humiliating, but it also destroyed all of his hard work. Work he'd now have to redo tomorrow.

Spencer exhaled sharply, fingers raking through his hair as he trudged toward the bedroom. All he wanted was to strip off his coffee-stained clothes and lose himself in the pages of his new book, anything to escape the tension of the day. Once inside, he moved to close the curtains but stopped short, his eyes landing on something unexpected just before he pulled them shut. His body went rigid, his heart racing as an unfamiliar warmth spread through him. He blinked, barely able to believe what he was seeing.

There, in the apartment directly across from his bedroom window, was Y/N.

Spencer had bumped into her a handful of times—their first meeting happening at the library just down the street when they'd both reached for the same book, then a few chance encounters after that at his favorite coffee shop, and the most recent interaction being one of the most mortifying moments of his life.

He’d stumbled over the sidewalk on his way to work, and he’d never wanted to disappear into the ground more than in that moment. But she had been there, her smile warm and gracious as she helped him gather the scattered books and case files that had spilled from his satchel, her kindness leaving him flustered and breathless. He’d been captivated by her the first time they met, but it was that moment that truly cemented his fascination with her.

Spencer’s breath caught in his throat when he realized how wrong it was to be watching her through her bedroom window. But despite the guilt creeping in, he couldn’t bring himself to look away. It was as if he were under some kind of spell, captivated by the sight of her spinning around her room, carefree and radiant.

She wore a loose t-shirt that slipped off one shoulder and the tiniest pair of shorts he’d ever seen, completely at ease in her own space. She held something in her hand, singing into it like a microphone, completely lost in the music. Spencer didn’t realize when it happened, but a smile tugged at his lips, the stress of the day forgotten as he watched her. Her joy was so genuine and infectious that it pulled at him in ways he hadn’t expected, leaving him momentarily breathless.

His thoughts were interrupted when Y/N twirled around, singing as she faced her window. Spencer released a startled yelp, frantically yanking the curtains shut before she could catch him staring. His heart raced in his chest as he dared a quick peek through the fabric, anxious to see if she had noticed. Thankfully, she seemed oblivious, still happily dancing around her room, unaware of his presence.

"Oh my God," Spencer muttered, a wave of relief washing over him as he realized he hadn’t been caught staring like a complete weirdo at the woman he’d developed a crush on, despite having barely exchanged five sentences with her.

He was sure she didn't even remember his name. Why would she? All he'd managed to do during their brief interactions (besides busting his ass on the concrete the one time) was stutter out barely audible attempts at conversation before hastily retreating, his face scarlet and slacks uncomfortably tight.

Spencer had assumed Y/N lived nearby, but he hadn’t realized she was this close.

The day's weight melted away as Spencer peeled off his work clothes and slipped into his pajamas. He grabbed his book from the nightstand and sank back into his pillows, propping himself up against the headboard. But as he tried to focus on the pages, the image of Y/N dancing in her room kept invading his thoughts. His mind refused to settle, consumed with ideas of how he might run into her again now that he knew that not only was she just a building away—she was right across from him.

As the weeks passed, Spencer’s routine began to mirror Y/N’s more and more as he grew increasingly familiar with her schedule.

He began waking up earlier, noticing that she typically left her apartment an hour before he needed to head to work. With the extra time, Spencer found himself watching her with quiet awe each morning while she got ready, fascinated by how the soft light from the window seemed to illuminate her features as she did her hair and makeup. He also started visiting his favorite coffee shop daily instead of just once a week, hoping for a chance encounter before his workday began.

Night after night Spencer found his gaze inevitably drawn to her window, the soft glow of her bedroom lighting luring him in like a moth to a flame. He would trace her movements, pretending to read his book as it shielded his face, should he need to feign innocence. Something was alluring about her, even in the simplest moments—whether she was folding laundry or typing away on her computer, she was impossible to look away from.

Spencer couldn’t shake his curiosity about Y/N’s habit of leaving her curtains open.

Did she know he could see her? Was it intentional? Their apartments, situated at the ends of the buildings on the top floors, offered a level of privacy that made him feel certain (or at least, he desperately hoped) that no one else could be watching. Perhaps she’d noticed his frequent absences and simply stopped caring about keeping them shut.

The first case away from D.C. after Spencer learned Y/N was so close was more difficult than he expected. As he lay awake in his hotel room, his thoughts kept drifting to her, and the longing grew with each passing hour. He missed her. The only thing driving him was the need to finish the case quickly so he could return to the familiar comfort of his bed, where he could silently admire her from a distance.

The longer he thought about her, the tighter his boxers got. Spencer huffed out a pitiful whine, his hands clenching and unclenching beside himself as he tried to fight his shameful thoughts. This wasn't the first time he'd had these thoughts about her since meeting her, no. But it is the first time he's had the mental image of her undressing to go along with his fantasies.

The first time it happened, Spencer had all but thrown himself off his bed in his haste to close his curtains. His heart had pounded so hard his chest ached as he'd squeezed his eyes shut, willing the sight of her raising her shirt over her head and tossing it carelessly to the ground out of his mind. The second time, he took a little more time to slink over to his window and draw his curtains, his pulse racing at the sight of her bare back and the smallest glimpse of lacy panties as she began to shimmy out of her pants. The third time, he had crouched by his window, peeking out despite having pulled his curtains closed, and watched as she stripped completely before heading into her conjoined bathroom.

That was the first and (so far) only time he'd touched himself to what he'd seen.

The moment her bathroom door had clicked shut, Spencer sprang to his feet and hurried into his own bathroom, tearing his clothes off before stepping underneath the stream of hot water. One of his palms smacked the wall while his other hand frantically pumped his aching cock, whimpers and groans flowing freely from his lips as he imagined Y/N's hand around him instead of his own. It didn't take long for him to spill into his hand, and unfortunately, it took even less time for the guilt to slam into him at the realization of what he'd done.

After that night, Spencer had vowed to himself that he wouldn't let it happen again, knowing just how inherently wrong it was to jerk off to the sight of his neighbor (the woman he secretly admired) getting undressed when she had no idea she had even been watched.

But tonight, alone and frustrated in his hotel room, he was struggling to stick to that vow.

After another hour of tossing and turning in bed, Spencer released a resigned sigh. "Just this once," he murmured to himself, swallowing hard. He let his hand slip underneath the waistband of his boxers to push them down his thighs before spitting in his palm, hissing at the contact as his hand wrapped around his arousal. His eyes fluttered shut as his imagination began to take over, his hand slowly increasing its pace as images of Y/N and her lacy panties raced through his mind.

Spencer's mouth hung open as his thumb swiped over the swollen tip of his cock, a bead of precum oozing out and aiding his movements. He pictured her hovering above him, her gaze teasing as she stroked him faster and faster. He imagined how she'd sound as she talked him through it, her sweet voice luring him closer and closer to the edge. His hips bucked into his hand as his climax took hold of him, a choked moan of Y/N's name ripping its way from his throat as he painted his heaving chest with his cum.

With shaky hands, he cleaned himself, still dizzy from the aftershocks of his orgasm. After wiping himself off, he collapsed onto the bed, surrendering to the exhaustion that weighed him down. That night, his dreams were filled with Y/N—her radiant smile, her captivating voice, and the tenderness in her eyes whenever they met his. When he woke the next morning, breathless and murmuring her name, he realized he was in deep.

What Spencer didn’t know was that Y/N had known exactly what she was doing all along.

From the moment she reached for the same book as him—an act carefully planned to give her an excuse to talk to him—she’d been captivated by the stuttering genius. New to the neighborhood, she had noticed him a few times before finally gathering the courage to make her move. All it took was his flustered "Oh! I-I’m so sorry, here—" paired with furrowed brows and those wide, innocent eyes, and she was utterly entranced.

When Y/N discovered that Spencer lived right across from her, it felt like she’d hit the jackpot.

After their previous encounters, she’d quickly noticed the effect she had on him, and from that moment, she devised a plan to capture his attention. She began with subtle moves, leaving her curtains open one night so he’d realize she was the one across from him. She chose an outfit she was sure would draw his gaze, and when he nearly ripped his curtain rod off the wall, convinced she’d caught him looking, she knew she’d succeeded.

When Y/N noticed he was waking up earlier, watching her get ready with curious eyes over what he clearly thought was a cleverly placed book (which, in reality, did nothing to hide his attention), she decided it was time to raise the stakes.

The first time she undressed with the curtains open, she sank to her knees cackling at how quickly Spencer had scrambled out of bed to shut his own. The second time, she relished in how he hesitated before shutting his curtains so he could catch a glimpse of her lacy panties (ones she’d chosen with him in mind), but it still wasn't enough. By the third time, she was done teasing. She’d stripped down completely bare in her room, grinning smugly as she turned to walk into her bathroom because she’d seen Spencer not-so-subtly peeking through his curtains.

When Spencer still didn’t make a move after that, Y/N decided she was done waiting.

With him away on a case for the past three days, she saw the perfect opportunity to set her new plan in motion. After work one evening, she made her way to his building, quickly locating his apartment number—a detail that, to her surprise, matched hers. Smiling to herself, she placed her order and waited for him to return, ready for the next phase of her plan to unfold.

After nearly twelve grueling days away, Spencer finally returned late Friday night, aching for the comfort of home—and, more importantly, the sight of Y/N. Exhausted, he stumbled up the stairs to his apartment, eager to collapse into bed and wake up to her face rather than the grim case photos that had dominated his thoughts. His eyes half-lidded with fatigue, he fumbled with the key, unlocking the door before shoving it open.

“Oh! What the-“

Spencer cursed under his breath as he stumbled, his eyes dropping to the package at his feet. Frowning, he bent down slowly to inspect it. He hadn’t ordered anything, and there was no reason to expect anything from his mom. So... what was this?

The package was a light pink, medium-sized bag. Spencer nudged it onto its other side to check the sender, and his breath caught. It was addressed to Y/N, though she’d written the wrong number in the street address, causing it to end up at his door. He instantly recognized the name of the online boutique, having (unfortunately) heard Emily, JJ, and Penelope brazenly talk about ordering sex toys and such from this place.

What could Y/N have possibly ordered from there?

Spencer was wide awake now, his pulse quickening as he grabbed the package, slammed the door shut, and locked it. He carried it into the kitchen, turning on the light as he went. There was no way he’d open it—he knew that would be both illegal and downright creepy. But his curiosity got the best of him, and he couldn’t resist running his hands over the package, trying to guess what was inside.

His tongue poked out of the corner of his mouth as he carefully handled the package, giving it a slight squeeze. He could feel the soft outline of fabric inside a smaller plastic bag, his mind spinning with possibilities about what kind of set Y/N might have ordered. A small, involuntary gasp escaped him as his fingers brushed against something hard, separately wrapped from the lingerie. Was that… a dildo? Vibrator, maybe?

A quick glance at the clock told him it was far too late to return her package now. He swallowed, setting the bag down on the table with a mental note to take it to her first thing in the morning. He had the weekend off, and he knew she didn’t work weekends, so it wouldn't be a problem bringing it over. The only problem was going to be looking her in the eyes without turning into a complete mess.

Spencer rushed to his room, his excitement growing as he headed to bed, knowing he’d finally see Y/N tomorrow—in person, not just through her window.

The morning arrived quicker than he had expected, but for the first time, he was happy to hear his alarm. It was 9:30 a.m., giving him enough time to shower and get dressed before making the short walk to Y/N's apartment. More importantly, it would give her a chance to wake up before he just showed up at her door with her package in hand and rambling like a nervous mess.

Spencer’s nerves began to take over as he finished his shower and started getting dressed, his hands trembling as he pulled on his sweater. The last time they'd spoken was when he'd all but face-planted into concrete in front of her and then practically bolted off once she'd helped him gather his things (after a lengthy, awkward apology of course). What if she thought he was a freak?

Before he could talk himself out of it, Spencer took a deep breath, grabbed the package, summoned the last of his courage, and walked out the door.

A hesitant knock at her front door had Y/N grinning smugly as she rose from the couch and headed toward the door. She’d been waiting for this since she’d seen Spencer’s light come on late the night before. Her package was finally here.

The door opened to reveal a nervous Spencer, his eyes lighting up when they landed on her. He instinctively adjusted his glasses, his nose twitching as a small, shy smile appeared on his face.

"Spencer! Hey! What brings you by?" Y/N beamed, stepping aside to let him in. She had to suppress a giggle at her innocent act—she knew exactly why he was here.

Spencer blinked in surprise, both at her invitation and the fact that she remembered his name, pausing briefly before stepping into her apartment. His gaze wandered around, taking in the cozy surroundings with quiet admiration. When he realized she was waiting for him to speak, he cleared his throat, his face flushing as he held up the package.

"I, uh… I just wanted to return this," Spencer stammered, his words tripping over each other. "You had one number wrong on the street address, and, funny enough, we have the same apartment number, so it ended up at my door. I thought the least I could do was bring it over, especially after you helped me when I… well, fell." He offered a shy smile, his nerves still running rampant.

Y/N accepted the package with a smile, her fingers brushing lightly against his before he quickly pulled his hand back. "I could’ve sworn I got the address right this time," she said with a teasing laugh. "You’d think after a few months here I’d have it down by now, I'm sorry."

Spencer quickly shook his head, trying to ignore the rapid beating of his heart and the lingering sensation of her touch as he waved it off. "You don’t need to apologize, Y/N. It happens," he said sincerely, his fingers nervously twisting the ends of his sleeves now that the package was no longer in his hands. "Honestly, I wouldn’t mind bringing your mail by anytime. I just hate the thought of it sitting at my door or in my mailbox while I’m away," he chuckled, his eyes crinkling as he gave her a warm smile.

"Well, aren't you quite the gentleman?"

Y/N placed the package on her coffee table and then headed toward the kitchen, gesturing for Spencer to follow. He blushed profusely, swallowing hard as he willed away the dirty thoughts that were caused by that simple comment before trailing after her. She turned to look at him over her shoulder as she reached into her cabinet for two mugs, smirking to herself as she noticed him quickly avert his gaze from where it had landed on her ass.

Y/N placed the mugs on the counter, then turned to Spencer with a genuine smile. "Thanks for bringing it to me instead of just sending it back like most people would," she said. "How about a cup of coffee as a small token of my appreciation?"

Spencer nodded, thanking her as she fixed them both a cup. She raised an eyebrow, watching him add enough sugar to send a horse into cardiac arrest, but she kept quiet. Once they’d both prepared their cups to their liking, they headed back to the living room, Y/N sitting close enough that Spencer could feel the warmth of her body radiating toward him.

"So... did you take a peek inside of it?"

Spencer coughed violently, choking on the sip he’d just taken, his face turning a deep shade of scarlet as he frantically shook his head. Y/N’s expression shifted to concern as she patted his back, gently rubbing in soothing circles to help him catch his breath.

"What? N-no, I would never! That's literally illegal and so invasive—" Spencer sputtered, his eyes wide as he stared at her, clearly taken aback.

Y/N's brows furrowed briefly before she erupted into laughter, her head tilting back as she laughed loudly. Leaning in, she rested a hand on his thigh, her tone softening. "Spencer, sweetheart, I was just joking," she said, wiping a tear of laughter from her eye.

He relaxed immediately, fighting the urge to lean into her touch as her hand lingered on his leg. "Thanks for that," Spencer said with a playful roll of his eyes. "Just what I needed this morning—choking on my drink and desperately hoping you knew the Heimlich maneuver." His cheeks were still flushed, a mix of embarrassment from her teasing and the aftereffects of his coughing fit.

After a pot of coffee and hours of conversation, Spencer left with a grin so wide his cheeks ached and Y/N’s number saved in his phone "just in case any more of her mail ended up at his door." He silently thanked whatever force had kept him from backing out earlier that day, grateful for the time he’d gotten to spend with her because of it. He’d found himself falling even harder for her, already yearning for her company despite having just left her place.

That night, as Spencer climbed into bed, something caught his eye from his window. He frowned in confusion as he noticed Y/N’s curtains were open even though they’d been closed just an hour ago. He’d assumed she’d already gone to bed, but apparently, he was mistaken.

He craned his neck, searching for her. She wasn’t in her room, as she usually was when the curtains were open. Where could she be? His jaw nearly hit the floor when she finally appeared, his eyes widening in awe at the sight of her.

Y/N walked into her room from the bathroom, wearing the most stunning lingerie set Spencer had ever seen. The lilac fabric complemented her skin in a way that had him almost drooling on himself, and the thin lace left little to the imagination (though he'd already seen what was underneath it once before and knew exactly how incredibly sexy her body was bare). The sight had his cock stiffening in his boxers, and his teeth dug into his lower lip in anticipation as he watched her.

Spencer nearly toppled out of bed as he watched her crouch down to grab her torn-open package, her hand reaching inside to pull out a light-blue rabbit vibrator. He knew he should get up, close the curtains, look away—do something. But he couldn’t bring himself to move.

Instead, he watched in an almost trance-like state as Y/N crawled onto her bed, swallowing hard as she settled back against her pillows. His hand wandered down his body, palming at his erection over his boxers as a whimper slipped from his lips while he watched her legs spread slowly open, propped up and giving him the perfect view of her clothed pussy. He felt overwhelming guilt, especially after the morning they'd shared, but he was powerless against the pull she had on him.

The close proximity of the buildings had always annoyed Spencer, the narrow space between them so tight he swore he could reach out and touch the other building if he tried. But now, he couldn’t have been more grateful. His bed was on the opposite side of the room that Y/N’s was, leaving her perfectly positioned for him to see her from his spot.

Y/N dragged the tip of the vibrator up and down her inner thigh, teasing herself as the fabric of the lace dampened with her arousal. Her head lolled back against the pillows, and her chest rose and fell with a sigh as she finally placed the vibrator against her clit through her panties. Her back arched at the touch, and her lips opened around a moan he desperately wanted to hear.

Spencer considered himself a sane man (for the most part). But he had never been more tempted in his life to leap through a window than he was right now. If it meant landing in her room so he could at least have the chance to beg for a taste of her, he'd happily do it.

His hand halted its movement, instead moving to his waistband so he could wriggle out of the constricting fabric. He kicked his boxers to the floor like they'd scorned him before his hand wrapped around his cock once more. He leaned forward, letting saliva dribble from his lips to coat himself before stroking himself slowly, teasing himself the way Y/N was right across from him in her room.

When Y/N dipped the vibrator into her panties, Spencer's breath hitched in his throat. He watched in rapt fascination as she paused her movements, her free hand shoving the lace down her thighs before she continued. With the fabric now out of the way, Y/N began to run the tip of the vibrator up and down her slit, collecting her arousal and spreading it around before she slowly eased the toy into herself.

An obscene moan ripped its way from Spencer's throat at the sight, and his hand sped up while his eyes struggled to stay open. He watched through hooded lids as she began to fuck herself in earnest now, her hips rocking into the toy and her eyes squeezed shut in pleasure as she brought herself to the edge. Spencer whimpered as his body began to writhe against his sheets, sparks of pleasure zinging up and down his spine as he worked himself toward his climax.

All it took to send him over the edge was the sight of Y/N's legs thrashing as she came around the toy, a sight that left him both so aroused he couldn't breathe and so jealous of a toy he debated just how truly sane he considered himself to be after this. With a swipe of his thumb over his flushed head, Spencer came in spurts across his tummy, his hand pumping gently through the aftershocks until he was trembling and gasping Y/N's name like it was a mantra.

Once Spencer could finally open his eyes, he looked over at Y/N's window and saw she was no longer in bed, the soft light spilling from under her bathroom door the only sign of where she was. He rolled out of his bed to indulge in what was now becoming a routine walk of shame to his bathroom to clean himself off, his head spinning from what he'd just seen. He knew the shame of his actions would catch up with him in the morning, but for now, exhaustion and elation kept him from caring.

Spencer stumbled back into his room, half-asleep and ready to crash when his phone buzzed. Crawling into bed, he reached for it, curious about who would be contacting him at this hour. His heart stuttered in his chest, eyes widening in shock as he read the message on the screen.

Glad to see that you enjoyed the show, sweetheart. Next time, just come over. <3

Continued A/N's: AHHH I truly hope you guys enjoyed that! The next part gets FILTHYYYY and I can't wait to finish it hahahaaaa. Please let me know what you think because I'm thinking of doing more in the future that would be similar but of course I want to make content you guys will actually enjoy as well <3

REMINDER: I do not give permission for my work to be re-uploaded to any other platforms (c.ai, Tiktok, ao3, etc.) under any circumstances. If you'd like to translate my work, then please just ask me before doing so. I know it sounds whiny, but I (as well as many other fanfic writers) spend so much time on these and it's genuinely not okay to take credit for work that isn't yours. It's insulting and completely unnecessary. If I do see my work uploaded anywhere without explicit permission, I WILL say something.

[auroralwriting]

Hi love! I’d like to request a mob!bucky fic where he is the man that runs New York and the reader is his wife who convinces him to let her start opening hospitals and homes for people in need etc. one of his rivals tries to take her while at a charity thing and calls Bucky weak and losing his touch so he literally destroys him to protect his woman.

I understand if you are too busy but would love ya forever if you could write what has been in my head!

guard dog

mob!bucky barnes x wife!reader

bucky doesn't take too kindly to people hurting his wife.

word count: 1.7k | warnings: violence, cursing, bucky having a sweet spot for his doll ♡

i wrote this one so fast. thank you for this amazing request!! i hope i did your vision justice!

Everyone knew of Mr. James Barnes. He practically ran New York with every politician pressed under his palm, along with every rich business man and woman wrapped around his little finger.

The one thing you needed to understand about James, Bucky, as his wife called him, was that you were never to be messed with.

To Bucky, you were the epitome of innocence. No one was allowed to lay a finger on you or say anything that could even potentially upset you. You were his world, and he made sure it was protected.

Of course, he was absolutely right. You were truly an angel on earth, the truest definition of kind. Little did everyone know, while they were wrapped around Bucky's finger, he was wrapped around yours.

"Bucky, you cannot kill someone on a Sunday," You'd gripe. "Sunday's are holy days, and the days I make my cannoli. You don't want cannoli?" Bucky would give in, rescheduling to fit your needs. "And see if that guy wants a cannoli, too. If I were gonna die, I'd sure as hell want a nice, homemade cannoli."

You practically controlled his every little move. You kept Bucky somewhat grounded for a mobster. You also made sure to keep him from disappearing off the face of the earth.

"Hun, you mom's coming over for dinner tomorrow- No, I don't want to hear it! Anyone who had the guts to raise you and not lose their mind deserves a nice, home cooked meal with her family. Dinner, six o'clock, be there."

Your latest topic, though, was helping people. You didn't give too much mind to the people Bucky worked with, but your mind was set on the homeless. Some news report on CNN had utterly convinced you that you needed to be the change in the world.

"Buck, please!" You begged, latching your hands onto your husbands arm. "This is my calling!"

A small grin formed on Bucky's face, "I thought your calling was to foster little orphans. Or was it to start an animal rescue. Oh, maybe-"

"James, I'm serious!" Use of Bucky's real name was a sign you wanted him to take you seriously. "Please, I just want to help the innocent people out there who don't have anything or anyone."

With your puppy dog eyes gleaming at him, Bucky knew he couldn't say no. "Alright, alright. But I get to choose the place since I'm buying."

A large smile erupted on your face as you leaped to hug Bucky. "Oh, thank you! Thank you so much, baby!"

Bucky's wide palms rubbed your back softly as he kissed your head. "Anything for my precious world."

And so, the hunt for the perfect shelter was in place. Immediately, you called some friends to bounce ideas back and forth off them. Eventually, you decided on the name Feast. Food, emergency aid, shelter, and training. It was everything anyone could ever need. It was perfection.

Even Bucky had to agree, it sounded pretty solid. He was amused at the acronym, enjoying the excitement your project gave you.

After a few months, Feast was nearly up and running. To gather attention, you decided to host a gala. Bucky helped you invite anyone and everyone important. You needed to get Feast's name out there, and the big people were who would do it. Secretly, Bucky only agreed because he knew he could.. convince the ones who denied to lend a hand.

The night of the gala approached. You sat with Natasha, as she finished putting on her makeup. "Natty, you look so pretty already."

"Yeah, but you know Steve likes the shimmer. I just want to add a little bit more," Natasha replied, referring to her husband, aka Bucky's best friend. It helped a lot that your best friend was married to Bucky's best friend. Natasha and you did almost everything together.

"Steve would like you if you wore a cardboard box," You groaned. "Come on, we're going to be late!"

Natasha laughed as she stood up, "Alright, alright! You, Mrs. Barnes, are going to have a wonderful outcome I hear."

Your heart leaped at her words. "Really?"

"Yeah, I heard anyone's who's anyone is coming." You squealed at Natasha's words and lead her down to the limo where Bucky and Steve were waiting.

The moment Bucky laid eyes on you, he felt like he was falling in love all over again. "Doll," He breathed out, holding your waist carefully with both hands. "You're an angel,"

You blushed at his words, "You always know just what to say to me,"

"That's why you married me," Bucky teased, knowing all too well there were too many reasons to name as to why you married him. He still felt so lucky.

"You both look amazing," Steve complimented. "But if we don't get going soon, we'll be late."

Quickly, the four of you shimmed into the limo, having some champagne and listening to soft music while you made your way to the gala. You'd left all the interior planning up to Natasha, who's taste was the best in all of New York. You trusted her with your life. After making your way into the hall, it was solidified once more that Natasha was incredible.

The hall was beaming with gold and silver, a soft jazz band playing and a bustling bar full of the most appealing looking drinks you'd seen in a long time. You gave Natasha a thankful look as Bucky began to softly pull you away. He'd spotted the Mayor, and he was itching to make conversation.

It was probably two hours of chit chat later and you found your feet aching from your insanely high heels. You leaned up to Bucky's ear, "Hun, I'm going to go grab a drink. Want anything?"

"Rum?" Bucky muttered back as you gave an eager smile.

You sat at the bar, ordering yours and Bucky's drink. After a moment or so, you noticed the presence of someone in the seat beside you who wasn't there previously.

"Mrs. Barnes," You looked over to see Brock Rumlow. He, too, was a mobster. However, he wasn't one Bucky or Steve were particularly fond of. You didn't even know he was invited tonight. "What a lovely event this is."

"Oh, Mr. Rumlow," You said with surprise laced in your voice. "Thank you, it took a lot of preparation."

"I'm just surprised," Rumlow hummed. "Such a.. charitable thing your husband is endorsing."

You shook your head, "It was all my idea."

"Of course it was," Rumlow bitterly responded. "Barnes' pretty little play thing wanted a new passion project to occupy herself. How expected."

You felt your heart pang at his words. "Oh," You stuttered, losing any sense of confidence.

"I got you at a loss for words?" Rumlow's voice was low as he began to lean over your figure. It felt daunting rather than sultry. It felt dangerous.

"Rumlow, please back up a little bit," You pleaded as Rumlow's smirk grew. "I don't have any space."

"That's the point, baby girl." He continued to prowl over you like a hungry beast, ready to pounce on its prey. For a moment, you felt overcome with fear. The way Rumlow eyed you made you wish you had worn a more conservative dress.

Before you could blink, Rumlow was pushed back harshly. It caused you to jump up and into someones arms. You didn't even need to question who it was; you knew Bucky's touch anywhere.

"What the fuck were you doing with my girl?" Bucky growled as Rumlow shook himself out of shock.

"Just making conversation," Rumlow dryly responded. "She's a joy to talk to."

Bucky scoffed, "It looked like you were about to drag her out of here."

"And so what if I was?" Rumlow challenged. "What would you do, huh, Barnes? You've gone weak, she's making you lose your touch. You're just her silly little guard dog. No one's scared of you when everyone knows that you'd never do anything to upset your precious-"

Before Rumlow could even finish his sentence, Bucky was on top of him, punches pushing his head back and forth, left and right. The sickening sounds of skin against skin was too much for you to bare, but luckily, Steve had come right on time. He was quick to pull you behind him where Natasha was waiting to hold you in her arms.

"Don't you dare call me fuckin' weak!" Bucky yelled. All eyes were on the scene unfolding.

The crack of Rumlow's jaw was not to be missed as Bucky's fist collided with it so hard you could've sworn Bucky broke some of his teeth. "You think you can come here to my wife's gala and try me?"

You wanted to stop Bucky, but you could tell that with his anger, thee was no stopping him until he was done. More sounds of cracking, Rumlow's howls of pain, and the blow's of Bucky's beatings were all that echoed in the hall.

After a few minutes, Bucky slowly stopped, panting as he leaned over Rumlow breathlessly. It was then you stepped in, running behind Bucky and putting your hands on his shoulders. "Buck, c'mon. Let me get you cleaned up." Blood was splattered on Bucky's face, his fists drenched in it. You nodded to Steve who, once Bucky was standing, picked Rumlow over his shoulder and took him out of the building. Natasha waved the band who began playing, and everyone fell back into conversation almost as if nothing happened.

Bucky and you were silent as the bartender handed you some towels to clean Bucky up. "Did you see any of that?" Bucky asked softly, his tone much different than a few minutes beforehand.

"Steve pulled me behind him," You answered, wiping off Bucky's knuckles. They were already bruising due to the beatings on them.

"Good man," He nodded, knowing that he would have done the same for Natasha. They protected each other's girls, always. "I'm sorry this happened tonight. I didn't mean to ruin the gala."

You chuckled, forcing Bucky to look up and around. "Look, nothing's ruined. You don't think these people are used to this stuff?"

Bucky gave a soft smile in return as his fingers fell across your cheek, softly rubbing it. "What did I do to deserve you?"

"Endlessly protect and love me, to start." You cheekily replied.

"Yeah," Bucky nodded, kissing you softly. "Always." He added as he pulled away. "Now, come on. I don't think we spoke to the Stark's yet."

[daphwritesworld]

YOU ARE DOING GODS WORK WRITING FOR TOP!KEIRA. I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR SOMETHING LIKE THIS FOR MONTHS!! NOT TO RUSH YOU BUY WHEN IS IT COMING OUT??

hopefully the first part will be out tomorrow, but the latest will be Friday :D

…..and okay yall have done it…you have forced me to give you a lil preview 😩 (a.k.a i just can’t contain it to myself anymore bc im so excited lol)

part one out now: read here!!

18+ MINORS DNI

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♥♠♥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“You better get your girl, Kei!” A very drunk Alexia laughs out, “Before your best friend does.”

Keira’s eyebrows draw together in confusion, her eyes searching out to where her captain’s sights are set. And oh what a sight she is met with— you, her sweet angel, pressed up against Leah on the dance floor. You’re still high off the win, and even more elated from seeing your old english teammates celebrating with you. It’d been quite a day at the UEFA, both of your groups collecting a victory in your matches.

Now here you are, three shots deep and your adrenaline making you act out a lot more than you normally would. You’re usually such a good girl for Keira. An absolute picture perfect sub— admired by all who saw the two of you interact. She loves the way you heed her every word, never arguing or disagreeing when she tells you to do something. So it’s a surprise to her when you just smile at her, and grind your ass back against Leah when she motions for you to come towards her.

Keira feels her jaw clench as her fingers tighten around the glass in her hand, and she makes the continuous decision to set it down before she ends the night early getting stitches. She starts making her way through the crowd, her eyes never leaving yours as she does. Leah’s whispering something in your ear, and you bite your lips at whatever it is. A blush crossing your cheeks as you finally break the intense gaze of your girlfriend. Leah’s hands are circling around your middle now, her palms resting low on your abdomen as she presses you against her even tighter.

You can hear your heart thumping in your ears now. A pit deepens in your stomach as Keira rapidly approaches you, her hand instantly wrapping around your wrist as she yanks you into her body. You stumble at first, your free hand coming up to balence yourself against her chest. You feel like your blood is molten lava under your skin, and you aren’t sure if it’s the alcohol or your actions that’s causing the burning sensation to pump through your veins.

Maybe it’s the good girl deep inside of you burning alive from the guilt of acting out…but the sexy look on your girlfriend’s face quickly sweeps that notion from your mind. I mean how could you feel guilty when your pussy is throbbing from the way her nails angrily dig into your skin…you should right? You should feel guilty about how much it turns you on to see her jealous and hot headed with anger, but it doesn’t. It only makes you smile up at her as your hands go behind you to find her best friend, and pull her back against your body.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Her hands moves down to your waist as she tightens her grip there, knocking Leah’s away in the process.

“Well, i wasn’t just gonna sit on your lap all night because you didn’t wanna dance with me,” you make sure to roll your eyes as you say it— playing up on the brattiness to test her boundaries in front of company. It feels so much safer to do it with so many eyes on you. Because in your mind, what can she really do to you in a room full of hundreds of people? So it inflates your confidence, your ego, and your desire for her break to you back down into a pliable little sub. It’s like you have a sugar rush from all the praise and sweetness she’s always shown you, but you’re finally coming down from the high…and boy are you crashing HARD. You’re craving to see the rougher side of your sickly sweet girlfriend has been growing steadily for weeks now. At least, ever since she let it slip that she’s a brat tamer during a drunk truth or dare last month.

-

You had called her out with a big hearty laugh, “Oh Kei, come on! You’re like the total opposite of that. You’ve never even raised your voice at me, let alone spank me back into my place!”

“Yeah, because you already know that it’s underneath me. Brats are like wild animals, and you’re more like a house cat, babe. No need to tame a kitten when you’re used to dealing with lions.”

It was like a light went off in your head after that— a deep seated need to broken then put back together by her.

-

Your feet must’ve went into auto pilot, because your brain is just now playing catch up. You hadn’t even realized you’re being dragged through the crowd. At least, not until you hear a chorus of teasing shouts from the mix of your former and current teammates behind you. The door to the bathroom flies open just as Mariona makes sure to yell out for you both to “Usa protección, chicas!”

Keira doesn’t even check to see if all the stalls are empty. She just pushes you into the first one she sees. You go to speak, but you’re cut off by her hand coming up and locking around your throat. “Spread your fucking legs, y/n.”

Your eyes widen at her statement, hesitation clear as you make no move to follow her demands. “B-but we’re in pub—“ you’re cut off by a growl coming out of the older girl in front of you, “And I don’t give a damn, y/n. If you wanna act like a slut, then i’ll treat you like one…” She pushes you up against the stall door, her chest vibrating against yours as she lightly laughs.

“And sluts don’t get fucked on nice comfy beds, do they?” Her eyes flicker up to yours before she leans down to press a couple kisses up your neck. A few more condescending giggles come out of her too, slightly tickling your skin in her wake. When she pulls away it’s like you can see the switch flip behind her eyes, because suddenly her voice is back to being as stern as the look on her face. “They get finger fucked in dirty bathroom stalls with their panties hanging around their ankles.”

[kyri45]

✨ShadowPeach Bio Parents Bio AU Q&A! 28/10✨

I'll be streaming on my Twitch page TOMORROW at 1PM ET!

Welcome to the Q&A! A space where I can answer related or similar question about the Shadowpeach Bio Parents AU! If you submitted your ask anonimously, then you’ll have to check the whole post if it’s answered here, if it’s not, worry not! Your asks might have been used for a future comic or just in the queue~

Anonimo ha chiesto: Will MK have a power neither Wukong nor Macaque have ?

Probably something that is a mix of each parent power, creating something new. Like- He can hear the past, but can also use his gold vision. SO maybe he learns not only to hear to past, but also see it (but maybe instead of being gold the vision is purple)

Anonimo ha chiesto: Does MK have nightmares about LBD or Azures death or something? @the-ninja-girl-in-blue ha chiesto: I swear for some reason, even after returning back to his normal age, I still can’t help but picture MK having a nightmare in the middle of the night and just starts chirping in his sleep because of it and that ends up getting the attention of his two monkey dads. I can’t help but picture them either waking him up and asking him about the nightmare into his bed to cuddle with him to hopefully calm him down. I also kind of like the idea of them offering to let him stay in their bed with them for the night. basically, I just wanna see them comforting MK after he has a nightmare. For some reason, I could see the nightmare being about either LBD or about the ending of season five when he attempts suicide.

Yes he does have nightmares about that. He usually does, most times he's at Pigsy's, and Freenoodle is there to help him. He hasn't had a LBD nightmare at FFM yet, but even as an adult he would totally chirp without noticing it.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Angst idea what if heaven was scared of MK being the "harbinger of chaos" and took him away as a baby locking him away instead. It's up to you if wukong knew of his existence before he was taken. Eventually someone or something releases him. MK Finds out why he was locked away and just goes on a rampage through heaven bonus angst wukong has to stop him

Do heaven even knew he was the harbinger of chaos? Like seriously I don't remember if it was ever stated in the show. Honestly is crazy no one picked up that kid aurea. Makes you wonder who te fuck put such a powerful glamour on him when he was found by Pigsy.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Hi :D i wanted to say that i LOOOVE the bioparents au, it's so lovely 💖 and, i must ask, will we get more cliché scenes with our little monkeys? like accidental fall or something on this lines? i need my clichés back 😭😭

eeehhhhh maybe? I'm not too much of a fan of clichè I'll be honest, mostly bc I see them around all the time and I prefer to do something new.

Anonimo ha chiesto: I think it would be funny if MK started subconsciously mimicking things from his friends and family. little things like putting his shoes the same way Teng does. Standing in the same posture as Mei. Ext. Monkeys often will mimic each other as a sign of fondness and affection. Monkey see monkey do.

I think he already does that in the show with Wukong sometimes! It's super cute!

Anonimo ha chiesto: Okay hear me out, since mk kinda saw their past and everything. Does mk possibly have small abandonment issues (not that he doesn’t already) and does he hear little moments in the past of macaque and Wukong’s pain. By the way I absolutely love your art!!! I check your page everyday. 💕

I think if he ever said that to Wukong he'll make sure that every.single.day. he reminds him that he'll never leave his side.

@tinyplanetss ha chiesto: regarding the latest biodads update, did wukong ever know that macaque panicked and lashed out way back then due to seeing his "betrayal" in his future vision? i can't imagine it would've come up before he mentioned it to mk, unless they had a talk about it after their rooftop apology.....

I think they talked about it during the night Wukong apologized to Macaque. The comic I did stops after a certain point but they talked all night about what happened.

Anonimo ha chiesto: (Macaque on some late night mission): I've got to get back before Wukong realizes I'm not in bed. (Wukong who woke up and had a nightmare): Macaque.. MACAQUE

They can't stand being apart anymore now.

@eerieqloss ha chiesto: Wait I got a question, at the beginning of the Shadowpeach bio parent AU When they found out MK was their son biologically through Nuwa of course. But how did they get to her and ask her? I don't know why this question just randomly appeared in my head

Now that MK "opened the gate" access to other deities is much more easier.

@bottyshaker-900o ha chiesto: Wait! Does MK know they sleep together now!?

He did 2+2.

@youroriku ha chiesto: If MK monkey form is showing more or will there be a comic where he lost Control over it ?Recently, fewer people talk about it. Btw i love your art ❤️🌸🫶

mmm... Maybe not in my current timeline. Maybe more in the future. I don't think MK himself wants to loose control again like with Azure

Anonimo ha chiesto: Hii love your art! Wouldn't it be funny if someone was trying to have a serious conversation with Wukong and Macaque and baby MK is just climbing all over their shoulders and they're completely unfaced by it cuz it's like 'yeah this is normal just let him play' but whoever they're talking with can't focus on anything but MK's shinanigans.

hehehe baby shenanigans my beloved

Anonimo ha chiesto: I'll admit I'm more into the chubby, dad bod gang for Wukong but the way you draw buff wukong also makes me happy too! ^-^

Thank you!

@ketsuruithekiller ha chiesto: I like to suffer. So I would like to know if Wukong still has thoughts of guilt. If he fully accepted Mk's decision not to be his successor, without having the idea that like others he would hate it and leave at some point.

ye he does sometimes have the paranoia. But MK is there also to remind him that he'll always be in his life.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Are Wukong and Macaque, in your bio parents au, back together? Or is it a situationship? I'm sorry if it's already been stated in the story or if you've already answered something like this. I'm just a brain-dead potato who loves your comic.

Nah they still are in the progress of having to forgive each other but they are very much in a situationship.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Ello Ello, do you think any of the three monkeys would know how to take care of a sick person? Or would they just have to go to sandy or pigsy or someone?

I think yes. Canonically by JTTW, Wukong is an expert in many fields, including medicine. But I do wonder if sometimes he forget after so many years of reclusion that people can get sick.

Anonimo ha chiesto: So Wukong was stuck in the memory of MK sacrificing himself ? Was it identical to the scene in season 5 or was his dream different ? Poor Wukong looked so traumatized

It was the same as S5

Anonimo ha chiesto: I love, LOVE your bio au! I enjoy a lot!!!! Question! Wukong and Macaque have any chance to go to a date?

mmm maybe in the future

Anonimo ha chiesto: I know Is not the case but At some point, hasn't Pigsy felt a little jealous or strange of how MK goes directly to Wukong or Macacke when he has a problem?

I think Freenoodle is taking the opportunity of having the second set of parents to annoy the heck out of them and redirect all the akward questions and advices the kid ask them because "we had to do it for 21 years now you get to have the annoying part of parenting as well"

@azureandcrimson ha chiesto: Hello!! I absolutely love your art and I am currently watching your twitch (Which I can't log into and type in chat for some reason😭) but anyways. I also have a question if you ship Mei with anyone? Like a side character or Spindrax or someone else or if you make her Aroace or just don't generally ship her or smth! :) But besides that I love your art style and the way you draw everything!! Thank you for drawing this stuff and feeding my LMK hyperfixation!!

I do also ship Dragon fruit. Just in my comic I kind of had to choose one ship for now.

wolfsonic ha chiesto: Since we know WuKong is the bottom of ShadowPeach. Who's the bottom in SpiceyNoodles?

MMMMMMMMM TOO SOON TO SAY.

@draxeanlxia ha chiesto: Bio!Parents AU question, who does the laundry and who’s not allowed to touch the laundry because he’ll ruin your clothes without meaning to? For me, I think Wukong would be the one doing laundry while Macaque isn’t allowed near the washing machine. But that’s just me, what’s yours?

yeah seems fitting!

Anonimo ha chiesto: If MK started blushing when he saw Red Son in his true form I wonder how he would react to seeing Red Son shirtless with muscles and abs in that form XD

I headcanon MK as demisexual so probably he would notice and appreciate the aesthetic attraction but wouldn't be TOO flustered. In this case, it's RedSon who's the Wukong of the two of them (being flustered by like, seeing 2% of MK back or smt.)

Anonimo ha chiesto: So I wondered if Xiaotian's powers were like Steven's, since they responded to his emotions

yep.

Anonimo ha chiesto: If they decide to have a baby who will be pregnant macaque or wukong!?

I think I said it already once but I don't think that's how baby Stone Monkeys are born??? Like how would carry a stone inside your body work that's the thing. There's is to say they are demons who knows how they work honestly.

Anonimo ha chiesto:Will the calabash return ?

nope

Anonimo ha chiesto: Does Mei have a true form? Doesn’t seem fair that MK and Red Son have super forms and Mei doesn’t. I think she should be able to be a straight up dragon.

Doesn't she already goes straight up dragon in the show?

@phantom-premeir ha chiesto: Okay this is a pretty dumb question but I gotta know, out of the monkey trio whose the biggest crash out,just an absolute mess of a person?

I think Wukong

Anonimo ha chiesto: Are we gonna see a wedding of these gay monkeys?

Who knows.

@azureandcrimson ha chiesto:Oh my gosh, the new chapter is amazing, now we defiantly know Macaque has probably courtnapped Wukong >:3 I also have another question! Perhaps in the future will Macaques sacrifice be brought up? Like, yeah, he came back. But the guy was gone for days and who knows what he saw in there and/or what memories he saw because he was probably stuck in those for days. But just wondering if you might bring that up in the future? :) Make sure to take breaks, drink water and eat something!! >:(

Oh yeah that ahah. Maybe?

Anonimo ha chiesto: Imagine MK's sacrifice in season 5 would happen AFTER Macaque and Wukong found out that he is their son. This would make it even more heartbreaking

Bruh... Xiaotian wouldn't have been able to move an inch again from Wukong after he came back.

@autism-autobot ha chiesto: Wait... Is Wukong going to have to find a new successor now that MK won't be it?

Maybe what he will look for wont be a successor.... but an heir.

Anonimo ha chiesto: Is the monkey's tail sensitive or smt!? I mean what will happen if u pull it ?

We r getting into NSFW territory here...

Anonimo ha chiesto:who do u think is the fluffiest monkey? Also what happens if said monkey got towel dried and poofed up?

MK, becasue he's a cub by stone monkey standard. He would become a fur ball.

arrow-artzz ha chiesto: Hello! I just wanna say, I love your art style and this whole ShadowPeach parent au ur making and I get so hyped and excited when I see a new part/ep come out!! I hope ur having fun with it and keep up the great work, you do a fantastic job, and you also inspire me to keep trying small art projects at home!! I truly hope you’re having a wonderful night, after noon or night! also think it would be cute if the whole gang did a movie night (Halloween movie) at FFM and one scene comes up and macaque used Wukong as a shield as if the movie was real :3 sorry this was long I tap a lot “^^

I think Wukong would be the one scared. Macaque is literally has sleep paralysis monsters has pets

[stealingyourbones]

*offers a (sanitized) owl pellet* Here, it’s got at least half a small rodent skeleton.

I was thinking… for DPxDC… Have we ever put Danny in Gotham as a garbage man? NOW HEAR ME OUT!

He could START as a trash collector in a relatively low-chaos part of the city, neither Diamond District nor Crime Alley. Then… he starts volunteering for Dock Dumpster Duty™️ because the middle-class neighborhoods are “too bland.” (This kid is from a city somehow more chaotic than Gotham, he gets paranoid if he goes a full shift without trouble.)

His supervisor is baffled by this. DDD is the single most dreaded assignment for every other worker in the area. They don’t want to put Danny on it, ‘cause he’s a good employee! But nobody else wants to… and the kid’s been both anxious and bored the past few weeks… a few daytime DDD shifts should be fine, right?

Eight. Danny gets almost-mugged eight times on three days of DDD. The worst part? His supervisor doesn’t hear about it until the third day, because Mugger 9 gets a slash on Danny’s arm and manages to nab his (atrocious) earbuds. The boy just calls the office to say,

“Hey, the latest mugger got a lucky shot so I gotta head home for the day- No, no, nothing serious, it’s a small cut… Yeah he got my earbuds, which, I’ll be impressed if he can actually sell ‘em… No way, cops wouldn’t care about this, it’s fine! … Thanks, I’ll let you know if I’m able to come in tomorrow bye!”

The supervisor and the secretary stare at the phone in disbelief. He wants to come in tomorrow?!

Just… give me Danny as a guy with an “undesirable” job, and taking on the tasks that even his coworkers don’t want to do. Everyone is both in awe and a little afraid of him, and not even for ghostly reasons.

oh i absolutely adore this. He's had to pick up the wildest shit near the docs where various rogues dump their stuff, but he doesn't even blink loading a dumpster full of biohazard bags into his truck. He learns that he can't wear headphones because they are for sure going to be taken if they're anywhere above absolute shit quality. Using a speaker would alert more people to him and THAT would be stolen as well. Gotham is a tad sucky but god damn does his job pay a decent salary and his coworkers are pretty fun to talk to. He's having the time of his life.

[captainsophiestark]

We're Good

Kol Mikaelson x Reader

Masterlist - Join My Taglist!

Written for my personal fic writing challenge for 2024, Sophie's Year of Fic! Featuring a new fic being posted every Friday, all year long :)

Fandom: TVD/TO

Summary: Kol meets Davina and finally seems serious about someone, so his best friend convinces herself to finally let go of her secret crush. But when Kol gets jealous of her paying attention to another guy, what once seemed settled might not actually be finished.

Word Count: 3,092

Category: Angst, Fluff

A/N: Title is lightly inspired by the Dua Lipa song, although the fic doesn't totally fit it.

Putting work into an AI program without permission is illegal. You do not have my permission. Do not do it.

I tried not to scowl as I watched Kol from the second level of the Mikaelson compound. He was down on the dancefloor, in the middle of the latest party he and his family had decided to throw. I knew Nik or Elijah had some ulterior motive for hosting, but I hadn't cared because this time, I'd had my own ulterior motive. I'd put on my absolute best outfit and made sure I looked like a knockout, all so I could finally tell Kol Mikaelson, my longtime friend and crush, how I really felt about him.

And now, before I could, he was standing at the edge of the dancefloor trying to make a move on Davina Claire.

I should've known. Kol and I had been friends for a long time, and despite pretty regular flirty moments between us, he'd never taken any steps to make us something more serious. Instead, he flirted with, hooked up with, and even dated whatever mortal he'd most recently fallen for while I stood by pretending not to get my heart broken.

This time, I was done with it. For good.

I set my jaw and squinted, refusing to let the tears fall as I turned from the balcony. I almost made it into a hallway off the Mikaelson compound where I could disappear from everything, but of course, I couldn't quite get that lucky.

"He's a bloody idiot, you know."

Rebekah Mikaelson, my best friend in the world, stood before me with her hands on her hips, blocking my exit.

"Rebekah-"

"I'd love to have you for a sister-in-law, but you deserve better than one of my idiot brothers. As a boyfriend and as a friend."

"Bex, I don't want to hear it right now."

The sympathy on her face almost killed me, but she stepped aside. I thought that would be it, but then she called out to me just before I could turn the corner and escape this whole mess.

"Mourn all you like tonight, but tomorrow we're going out! There are plenty of men in this city to help you forget all about Kol!"

****************

Rebekah gave me exactly one day before she started hounding me about going out on the town to forget her "idiot brother". And honestly, I might've ignored her, except for the fact that Kol spent the entire day after the ball with Davina.

I'd always known he was a flirt, but this time, he actually seemed to mean it. So I gave him more space than usual, for my sake as much as his, and spent more time wih Rebekah. We baked and went on walks, and after a while, I stopped shooting her down when she tried to drag me to bars. Kol kept hanging out with Davina, but slowly, seeing them together was starting to hurt a little less. I always thought if he found a girl to get serious about, it would be me. And a tiny little part of my heart still tore to shreds when I saw how wrong I'd been. But unlike those first few days, the heartbreak wasn't eating me alive anymore.

Which is how I ended up out at a bar with the entire Mikaelson family, dancing my heart out on the dancefloor without a second thought for whether Kol would join me.

We'd first started a montly tradition of the firve of us going out and just having fun a few years ago, and despite various dramas and the siblings scattering to the winds, we'd more or less managed to keep it up. We always picked a place a few hours from where any of us were living and planned to stay the night, so we could well and truly forget everything but having a good time together. Normally, I spent the night orbiting Kol, to the point that Nik usually had a field day giving me shit about it. Tonight had been a little different.

I'd joined Nik in dragging Elijah out of the house, gone with Rebekah to order all of us some truly strange, fun cocktails, and danced the night away on the dancefloor with all of them, without my mind or gaze constantly circling back to Kol. He didn't seem to even notice the shift, and I was surprised to find that it didn't really bother me. Kol was a good friend, after all, and with a little more time to process, maybe we'd even be better off.

"Hey!" Rebekah shouted into my ear, still barley making herself heard over the music around us. We'd been here for hours, but none of us showed any signs of slowing down just yet. "That guy at the bar has been staring at you all night!"

I turned to follow her gaze and found a handsome guy looking back. He smiled, a little sheepish, and I returned the gesture before whipping around to Rebekah.

"Why are you so fixated on setting me up with somebody?"

"Because it's fun! And I haven't got to do it once in all the time I've known you because you've been so hung up on Kol. So come on, let me have my fun!"

I made a face. I wasn't sure I wanted to take a chance on the random person Rebekah had found, regardless of me finally being over Kol. She huffed, then leaned in to speak in my ear again.

"Just trust me! I compelled him and asked him some questions, and he seems like someone you'd get along quite well with!"

I closed my eyes. "You compelled him, Rebekah? Seriously?"

"Well how else was I supposed to make sure he wasn't some sleezy werewolf or something? Go on, just talk to him!"

"Fine! Fine, but it's still our Mikaelson Family Fun Day, so I'm just going to talk."

"That's fine with me! Although I promise not to judge you if you don't come back to the room tonight-"

I picked up the nearest thing I could find (a stack of napkins) and hucked it at her, which she easily dodged. I did my best to ignore her laughing behind me as I headed for the bar.

The guy smiled as I approached him, and I smiled back. I headed for an open spot standing next to him at the bar, and he started speaking as soon as I came within hearing range.

"Hey! I've been hoping you'd come over and say hi all night."

I smiled. "Why didn't you come over and say hi yourself?"

"Didn't want to interrupt you and your friends if you didn't want to be bothered," he said with a shrug. "Although, that girl Rebekah tried awfully hard to get me to come over once or twice."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, Rebekah loves nothing more than meddling, especially in my life." I paused. "I'm glad she convinced me to come over and talk to you though."

"So am I! I-"

He broke off at the same time as I felt someone slide up to the bar behind me, chest almost pressed into my back. I started to turn around to tell whoever it was to back off, but a familiar voice spoke up before I could.

"Why don't you go find someone else to bother, mate?" said Kol, his tone laced with the slightest undercurrent of a threat. Apparently, he'd decided to make sure he got what he wanted, because a moment later the guy whose name I hadn't even been able to get yet turned on his heel and walked away.

I rounded on Kol with a furious scowl, but he just grinned back at me, still very close and in my personal space. Normally, the proximity would've left me with butterflies, but right now all I felt was anger growing in the pit of my stomach.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I asked, an edge to my voice that I'd really never directed at Kol before. His eyebrows shot up, but otherwise, he didn't seem bothered.

"I was getting rid of that creep who was bothering you. Come on, darling, I thought you'd be thanking me-"

"Thanking you? Kol, he clearly wasn't bothering me! I came up to him, for God's sake!"

"Well I'm sorry, it just looked like you might want me to step in-"

"How? How did it look like that, Kol?"

My voice was getting louder now, enough that a few people were starting to take notice, but I didn't care. I was furious at my so-called friend and he was going to hear about it.

Kol cleared his throat. "Love, maybe we should take this somewhere else-"

"Knock it off with the pet names! Kol seriously, what the fu-"

In a split second, the bar disappeared around me. Instead, I found myself thrown over Kol's shoulder as he vampire-sped out of the bar. When we finally stopped, it was just inside the front door of the house we'd all rented, with Kol's back to me as he closed the front door.

I took my opening and hurled the nearest pillow at his head. It hit its target dead on, and I got halfway through picking up another one when Kol used his vamp speed to close the distance between us and grab my wrist.

"Hey! Knock it off, alright? What's the matter?"

"What's the matter? Are you kidding me Kol?" I wasn't sure whether I wanted to laugh, cry, scream, or all three, but I focused on the screaming part as I faced a bewildered Kol. "You absolute hypocrite, how dare you pull me out of that bar, and how dare youstep into my conversation like that!"

"What? Is this seriously all about me scaring off that one guy? You hardley knew him!"

"Obviously it's not completely about him, although that move still sucked, Kol! It's about you thinking you have some right to barge into my life and scare off a guy who might be interested in me! Because that's what it was, right? There's no way you thought I wanted him gone, so you did all this because you wanted him gone, right?"

"...I- I guess I didn't really like seeing him with you, but-"

"But nothing! Kol, we've had just a kind of flirty friendship forever. And whenever it seemed like we might be heading into something else, you were always the one to bail out. And last month, when you found Davina and got serious about someone else, it ripped my heart out. But I forced myself to take some time and get over it! Because that's your choice, and I care about you regardless of if you want to date me. But Kol, you have been clearly, specifically going after Davina lately. Which means you have absolutely no right to come tell some guy at the bar to back off when he's flirting with me."

"Darling, come on-"

I held up a hand to cut Kol off. The storm of emotions had finally started calming, hardening into something more manageable. I'd let myself struggle in this relationship without ever having an up front conversation for far too long. We were going to set some boundaries and have it all out, whether or not Kol wanted to. I was done with the rollercoaster ride.

"Kol, I know you call a lot of people 'darling', but if you want to stay friends with me then I'm going to need you to stop calling me that."

Kol just stared at me for a few moments, blinking and apparently processing everything I'd just said. His eyebrows knit together and he looked seriously distressed, but I refused to back down. After a moment, he took a half step towards me, his hand reaching out slightly towards my own.

"...And what if I don't think I want to be friends anymore, darling?"

I scoffed, another overwhelming wave of anger rising up and over me. I shook my head and turned around, walking a few steps away and hoping the space would help me cool down.

"You better not be flirting with me right now, Mikaelson, after everything I just said and everything you've been up to with Davina lately."

"Davina and I aren't together, love. We went on a few dates after Nik's little party, but we've hardly seen each other since then, and I don't intend to keep anything going. You might have noticed, but you started avoiding me after the ball and I had no idea why."

I turned to face Kol at last, scanning his face for any hint of something that might help me make up my mind on how to feel about all this. The corner of his mouth quirked up in a smile, and I scowled.

"I wish you'd said something earlier about this little crush of yours, honestly. I didn't think I had a shot in hell with you. It would've saved us both some time."

I shook my head, slowly at first and then much much faster. Before I completely realized what I was doing, I crossed the room and smacked Kol in the chest. He was one of the oldest vamipres to ever live, so it didn't have much of an impact on him, but it definitely made me feel better.

"Kol Mikaelson, you jackass! You do not get to use this as an excuse to confess feelings for me!"

He laughed, holding up his hands and clearly fighting a beaming smile. I slowly tapered off my assault, instead opting for crossing my arms and absolutely fuming at him.

"Seriously, Kol, this isn't funny. I show interest in someone else for the first time in our friendship, and all of a sudden you're dropping everything to come and confess feelings for me? You get why I don't feel like that's completely sincere, right?"

Kol sighed, the smile finally falling off his face. He moved to close the distance between us again, and this time, I let him.

"I'm sorry. I'm not joking because it's a joke to me, I promise. I've had feelings for you as long as I've known you, darling, but I didn't think I had a chance with you. And you've been important to everyone in our family for just about as long as we've known you. If I made things complicated, or made you want to stop spending time with all of us, my siblings would've literally killed me."

I snorted, looking down so Kol wouldn't see me fighting a smile off my face. No matter what, Kol always seemed able to make me smile when I least wanted to. Normally, it was one of my favorite things about him.

"What can I do, hm? What can I do to prove I mean what I'm saying?"

I sighed, crossing my arms and at last looking up at Kol. With wide eyes and no hint of the sardonic smile I knew so well, he looked more serious than I'd ever seen him before.

"...If you're really sure about this, Kol, that you really mean this...?"

"I do. Darling, I swear I do. I promise you, I won't waste the chance if you give me one."

"Okay, then prove it. I've never seen you go more than a week without flirting with some human, witch, vampire, werewolf, or whatever other sentient beings we come across. Make it a month, and maybe I'll believe what you said about being serious about this."

"...And will we be dating for that month?"

Slowly, I shook my head. "No. I want to, Kol, and I want that to be where this goes, but... I need to see that this is real first. I want to believe it is, so badly, but after centuries of meaningless flirting and dancing around each other without a conversation, of seeing you have flings every chance you get and watching each one of those burn out... I can't just take it on faith."

Kol sighed, glancing down at the ground before meeting my eyes again. He didn't say anything, just closed the little remaining distance between us as he brought his arms up to circle my waist. He pulled me to him, leaning down with a glance at my lips, and I didn't stop him as he pulled me into a kiss.

Fireworks exploded in my chest. My knees went a little week as I leaned further into Kol, resting my hands on his shoulders. After a few long moments, just as my common sense started returning to tell me what a mistake this was, Kol pulled back with a grin.

"Sorry, darling. But I couldn't wait a month to do that."

I snorted and shook my head, stepping carefully out of Kol's grip. He watched my every move with a smile, and my heart did a backflip when he licked his lips. I told my heart to calm the hell down.

"I... certainly didn't mind the potential preview," I admitted.

Kol laughed, running a hand through his hair as he looked at me.

"This is going be the longest month of my life... but if that's what it'll take, I'll make it through. I know it'll be worth it, especially now."

I rolled my eyes, but this time, I couldn't quite keep a smile off my face. Finally, my heart started returning to a normal pace, and I managed to meet Kol's eyes again without having a cardiac event.

"Alrlight, so... what do we do now? I don't know about you, but I don't particularly want to go back to the bar."

"Is that a joke, darling?" He raised an eyebrow at me, but I just shook my head. His mouth dropped open like he couldn't believe I was serious. "I may not get to do the activity I most want to do right now for another month, but I did just get my best friend back after extensive radio silence. We have so many episodes of our favorite shows to catch up on!"

"...You didn't watch them without me?"

"Of course not! Did you watch them without me?"

"Of course not!"

"Well then, there you have it! That's our evening. You make the popcorn, I'll turn on the tv."

I laughed as Kol turned on his heel, getting immediately to work. I still wanted to wait the month I'd made him promise; I still wasn't confident his romantic affections wouldn't wander. But despite all that, a massive weight lifted off my chest as I headed into the kitchen for snacks. I had my best friend back, and finally, after a ridiculous amount of waiting and dancing around each other and poor communication, we were actually getting a shot at our happy ending.

****************

Everything Taglist: @rosecentury @kmc1989 @space-helen

TVD/TO Taglist: @elenavampire21

[pedritomosquito]

All Choked Up (Ch 1)

MINORS DNI

Summary: You're shooting a fight scene with Pedro that involves choking--you know where this is going.

Pairing: Pedro Pascal x Actress!Reader

Word count: ~4.1k

Content: SMUT, Minors DNI Blog, thigh riding, choking, handy, general steaminess

You had been called in for more shooting after working for a month on The Last of Us as various clickers. You were going to be doing another fight scene, but this time as your normal human self. Wardrobe had just finished with you and one of the PA’s was escorting you to set to be approved by Craig and Jeremy. It looked like they were in between takes of a scene with Joel and Ellie. Pedro and Bella were both sitting on set pieces, laughing and sipping at water. 

Craig and Jeremy are crowded around a monitor with several other producers watching the latest take. The PA introduces you and suddenly all of them turn around, examining you. Craig greets you.

“Great to see you again! Thank you for joining us.”

You have to hold in a laugh, because ‘thank you for joining us’? As if you wouldn’t have thrown yourself into fucking LA traffic to be here?

“Thank you for having me,” you smile instead.

At the sound of your voice, you see Pedro perk up out of the corner of your eye. You pretend not to notice his gaze.

“This looks great,” Craig approves. “Can I see it without the scarf?”

The PA unties your neck gaiter.

“Yes, perfect,” He nods. “Thank you Jennifer,” He dismisses the PA and sends you on your way, “See you on set!” 

Interesting costuming detail for Craig to be so particular about, but whatever. The PA starts to usher you back towards the wardrobe department.

You hear Bella call your name and you turn, giving them a happy wave. Pedro gives you a wave too. 

“Tomorrow–You, me?”” You playfully point between him and yourself, “we’re squarin’ up!”

“No way!” Pedro replies, looking dare you say excited to hear the news that you’d be working together.

“See you at rehearsal!” You call as you slip out the door.

—--

The next day you have stunt choreography for the fight scene in the evening. You dress in a cute matching Lululemon knock off set and report to the rehearsal studio on the lot. The three stunt coordinators are there to greet you and you stretch out until Pedro arrives.

He’s in a tight workout t-shirt and gray sweatpants. Not the gray sweatpants dear LORD.

“Look what the cat dragged in,” one of the coordinators teases, “And ten minutes late, no less!”

“Fuck off, Phillip,” Pedro laughs as he approached, “I’m old and I’m tired.”

“That’s your excuse every day,” You prod.

“Well it’s true every day,” Pedro complains. 

“Ready to beat the shit out of each other?” You smirk.

His laugh makes your stomach flip flop.

“Absolutely.”

The stunt coordinators demonstrate the choreography first and you have to make sure your jaw doesn’t hit the floor.

Your character stands yielding a prop knife and his character rushes at you, grabbing your arms. You struggle like that for a beat before the knife gets knocked out of your hands. He keeps his grip on one of your arms as he punches you across the face, then shoves you back up against the wall. Both of his hands come up to your neck and you fight against him until you pass out and he drops you on the floor.

You have always been on your best behavior around Pedro. The poor guy has women thirsting after him at every turn and you don’t want to add to his suffering. You have your own private thoughts about him–many of them not PG rated. But you are there to do a job, to be a professional. You never really allow yourself to entertain any of those thoughts beyond simple fantasy.

But he is about to choke you against a wall.

That alone has you entertaining several new thoughts.

“Alright, how do you guys feel about that?” Phillip asks.

Pedro just nods with a small “great.” He does this stuff pretty much every day so you’re sure none of it phases him.

Phillip looks to you and you must be a bit too wide eyed.

“You look a little uncomfortable,” Phillip notes kindly, inviting you to speak.

Pedro’s concerned expression knocks the wind out of you.

“No, no,” You assure them, “It just looks amazing and I’m hoping I wasn’t padding my resume when I said I had stage combat experience.” You give a little giggle to sell it and god bless being an actor because they all buy it.

“No worries, you definitely got this,” Phillip assures you.

Phillip had not been lying–you pick up the sequence just fine. When it comes time to run the fight with Pedro, you are feeling confident about the choreography but not much else. You mark through it, slowly going through each motion to practice. 

You’re pretty sure you black out when he slides his hands under your chin. He is slow and careful and he barely even makes contact with your throat but just the idea, the notion that he could so easily, makes your insides scream.

He eyes you closely making sure you are okay. You feel safe. Somehow that makes it even worse. 

You go through some notes and run it one more time slowly before kicking it up to full speed. 

The intensity of doing it in real time causes an adrenaline storm. Pedro’s hands are all over you, all power and tight gripped. You desperately hold it together so you won't forget what you’re doing.

The way your back hits the padded wall forces the air from your lungs. Before you can even get a breath in, Pedro’s inches away from your face, hands around your neck. Heat spreads across your cheeks all the way down to your chest. You are sure the shock is written all over your face and you swear Pedro’s eyebrows furrow just a fraction. You take the moment of embarrassment as a good cue to drop to the floor out of his grip. 

“That looked great!” Phillip approves, “How did that feel?”

You nearly choke on your spit at the question. 

“Good,” you manage to squeak. 

You catch Pedro side eyeing you and force yourself to look anywhere else. You bend over and fiddle with your shoelace out of sheer desperation to hide your face. 

“Yeah,” Pedro echoes, “Good.”

You can hear the smile in his voice and want to leap out the window. 

“Alright, let’s go full out this time,” Phillip says, “Add the acting, the drama, I want it all. Let’s take it from the line before so we can get the timing down.”

You and Pedro square up, getting into position.

“I’m not going down easy,” You play with a quirked eyebrow.

“Bring it,” He challenges.

You both slip into character and you raise your knife.

—-

“Great work, guys!” Phillip chimes, “See you on set tomorrow.”

“You drive here?” Pedro’s voice appears next to you. 

“Yep,” You reply, adjusting your bag on your shoulder and pushing open the door. The cool night air glides a chill down your arms. 

“Let me walk you to your car,” He offers, “ I just need to grab my stuff.”

“Oh, okay, yeah, that’d be—that’d be great,” You stumble over the words with a smile. 

It’s a short walk to his trailer

“What’s been your favorite project you’ve worked on?” He asks. 

“I always thought it couldn’t get any better than Mandalorian but honestly I think this show might be my new favorite.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, everything on this show feels so… real. Mando was all soundstages and green screens. Last of Us really feels like we’ve been dropped into an apocalypse,” You explain before cautiously adding, “And I’ve gotten to work with you a lot more.”

“You like working with me, huh?” Pedro asks as he playfully bumps his shoulder into yours, the shadow of a teasing tone in his voice. 

You can’t find words for a moment, pausing with your mouth parted. You might as well put all your cards on the table. “Yes,” you finally reply with a small laugh, “I do.” 

You can safely toe the boundary of friendship here. You figure he wouldn’t read into it if he wasn’t interested.

Wait. Are you interested? Oh fuck. Of course you’re interested.

Pedro pauses for a fraction of a moment as you arrive at the trailer, looking at you. Before you can say anything, he pulls open the door and holds it for you. You climb inside and he brushes past you as he enters.

“When you showed up here on set,” He says, “I was really happy to see you again.” He sits down on the cream colored loveseat. 

So he isn’t just ‘grabbing his stuff’ after all, you guess.

You join him, trying to remember how to sit like a normal human being.

“I thought you were lying when you said you remembered me,” you reply honestly. 

“God no,” Pedro chuckles. His gaze on you intensifies, flitting down your body for a moment, his voice dropping a bit lower. “Couldn’t forget you if I tried, sweetheart.”

You suck in a quiet breath. Your mind begins to swim in the suddenly thickening air. How has he managed to make himself so clear in just a single uttered sentence?

He seems to search your face. You realize he’s looking for reciprocation . This isn’t the time to toe the limit at all–it’s the time to cross the line entirely. 

The line between colleagues is drawn for good reason, you try to remind yourself. But all logic dissolves in the simmering heat of how he watches you from the other end of the couch. 

Fuck the line. What line? Never heard of one. 

You switch on a new part of yourself, cocking your head.

“You aren’t too forgettable yourself,” You reply with a soft smirk, making sure to regard every inch of him. 

That is all it takes from him to start closing the gap between you, stopping just inches away. He reaches out and slides your bag off your shoulder in slow motion. You stay frozen as it thuds to the floor. The way his eyes never leave you makes your breathing pick up. 

“You can leave right now, I won’t hold it against you,” He says quietly, “We can go back to before and I will never try this again.”

You can’t imagine a worse fate. You shake your head desperately. 

“Tell me you want this,” he says, eyes glued to yours.

“I want you ,” You whisper.

His lips easily find yours as you feel a hand lace into your hair and another around your waist. The softness of his lips makes you forget to set yourself into motion, too busy melting into it. You finally remember to reach for him, placing a hand on his chest and the other on the side of his neck. You splay your fingers over his bare skin, brushing a thumb against the stubble on his jaw.

His fingers graze over your scalp as he gently grips a handful of your hair. It makes your jaw fall open and he takes the opportunity to lick into your mouth. You grab a fistful of his shirt to pull him closer. 

His hand travels up the center of your chest, curving over your collarbone and back down your side. 

He is either being a tease or far too respectful. 

You take his wrist and guide him to the bottom hem of your tank top, sliding his hand underneath until his fingers come to the elastic of your sports bra. You pull the spandex up out of the way. 

His fingertips skate lightly over the bare skin before he cups you, rolling your nipple between his fingers. 

You whine against his mouth, arching into his touch. Your head tips back and he kisses down your neck before returning to your mouth. His lips become more insistent, the pressure of his hands roaming your body more firm. You shift to pull your leg up under you on the couch, needing to get closer to him. He untangles his hand from your hair and does you one better, reaching down, grabbing your ass and pulling you into his lap until he has you hovering over him, his knee between yours. 

You pull off your tank top and your sports bra. 

“Fucking gorgeous,” Pedro murmurs breathlessly as he attaches his mouth to your nipple.

“Fuck,” The word punches out of you and your hands fly into his hair. His mouth is all heat, tongue working in circles and flicks. You imagine his face between your legs doing the same and you shudder at the mere thought.

He grabs your hips and speaks against the skin of your chest.

“Sit.” 

He pulls you down firmly onto his thigh. 

“Good girl.”

A gasp helplessly escapes your lips and he has you all figured out. He fails to suppress a smirk and you have half the mind to admonish him, but any attempt is interrupted by his mouth returning to your tit.  

He guides your hips to grind against him. The feeling of your wet leggings sliding over his sweatpants drags against your clit just right. You whimper against his temple. He tugs your hips forward again as he flexes his thigh into you and your whimper becomes open mouthed, a moan buried in his hair.

Your hips start to roll on their own accord, chasing down the friction.

“That’s it,” He says softly, licking up your chest, “Make yourself feel good, pretty girl.”

You let out a stilted sigh, dropping your head and sucking the skin beneath his jaw. You reach your hand down and press over the crotch of his sweats. You inhale sharply when you feel him already hard underneath your palm.

“You know how hard it was to control myself, hm?” He questions, voice strained as he pushes himself up against your hand, “Keeping everyone from seeing how much I loved having you pinned up against that wall?”

“ God , that was good acting,” you moan.

“Yours needs some work,” he taunts, “‘Could see it all over your face, querida. Bet you were wet for me, weren’t you?”

“Whole time,” you nod desperately. 

He drags his fingers up your chest and wraps his hand around your throat. 

“Oh fuck,” tumbles from your mouth. 

“This what you wanted, sweetheart? My hand wrapped around your throat like this?”

“Yes,” you whimper. “Fuck, keep talking,” you beg, moving faster in his lap. 

“You like the sound of my voice, huh?” He prods, “Like it when I tell you how good you are while you fuck yourself on my thigh?”

You only nod with a whine, reaching under his waistband and taking his cock in your hand. You nearly whine again when you feel how thick he is. 

“Fuck,” he groans, his hand tightening just a bit around your throat. 

The squeak he receives from you in response is equal parts innocent and filthy. 

He uses his free hand to shove his pants and boxers down his hips, exposing his cock in your fist. 

You pump him slowly, watching the precum leak from his slit. You release him, pausing your own movement to dip your hand into your panties. You slide two fingers into yourself, gathering your wetness, and return to his length.

“Jesus Christ,” he swears, his words trapped in the back of his throat as you wrap your slick hand around him. His hand tightens on your neck and he thrusts up into your hand, jolting you back into your own rhythm. 

Your free hand is slipped under the neckline of his shirt, placed on his chest to steady yourself. The skin there is firm and radiating heat. You can feel his heart beating as fast as yours against your palm.

“You gonna cum like this?” He asks, “Such a needy girl, making a mess on my thigh?”

“Yes, fuck, yes, god yes,” you babble. You’d say yes to practically anything he could ask of you right now, anything to stay in this moment.

Every word he speaks, every shift in his touch drives your fist around him faster.

“ Fuck you feel so good,” He says through gritted teeth, hand now trailing down your throat, curling his fingers to skim his nails over your delicate skin, “Doing so good for me.”

“Please, please, Pedro–” you blindly plead.

He squeezes his hand, tightening the grip on your neck. It’s hardly enough to affect your breathing, but it fuels the tension growing in your hips all the same. Your motions begin to stutter.

“That’s it, querida,” He hums, “That’s it.” 

“I’m gonna–” your stutter, “I’m gonna cum.”

He presses the pad of his thumb against your clit and every bit of air deserts your lungs.

“I’ve got you. Cum for me.”

Pure heat sparks and sets you ablaze, flames rolling down your body as you cum, cries forced from you.  

“ Good girl , there it is. That’s a good girl,” He grinds out the words, pushing himself harder up into your fist. “Fuck, that’s it, fuck ,” A strangled noise catches in his throat, stripes of white painting your hand and his shirt as you ride out your high.

You lean forward to collapse against him, pressing your head to his shoulder, and you both try to catch your breath. He wraps his arms around you, fingers absently tracing over you back.

“Thank you,” you sigh.

“ Thank you ?” He nearly giggles, “Jesus Christ, all I did was sit here!”

“Then you’re welcome,” you breathe, “Like, very, incredibly, definitely welcome literally any time.”

His laughter bounces against your chest. 

“Don’t go making offers that are too good to be true, now,” he warns, and you can feel his grin against the side of your neck, “I can’t take the heartbreak.”

So you’re not the only one who wants this to be more than a one time thing. Fuck yeah. 

“Any. Time.” You repeat, whispering in his ear. 

——-

Coco is setting up her station next to Stephanie and Jess for the afternoon. The hair and make up department is an integral part of The Last of Us because of the extensive clicker-fication process. Coco always jokes with Pedro that she has the easiest job out of everyone–make a man, who is already gorgeous, gorgeous. Not much to do there, just upkeep on Pedro’s gray hair and ensuring he’s grimy enough for an apocalypse. 

You walk into the room bundled in a scarf and find Jess’s chair, greeting her. You had never met before and you were a little nervous. Coco, on the other hand, you’d talked to a few times. 

“Okay, so, I might have screwed up a little ,” You admit to Jess, immediately piquing the curiosity of the women around you. You were about to make Jess’s job a bit harder. 

“Oh?” Jess says. 

“So, um, I get uh–strangled, in the scene we’re shooting today so there’s going to be a lot of focus on… my neck…” You preface hesitantly.

Coco whirls around.

“You didn’t,” She gasps, scandalized.

You grimace apologetically as you unwrap your scarf.

“I did.”

There’s no way they could possibly know that Pedro put the hickey blooming dark purple on your throat unless they’re mind readers, but still. You’re paranoid that somehow everyone will know what you did last night with Pedro. 

Could see it all over your face, querida.

“You have girl bossed too close to the sun,” Coco shakes her head while Jess and Stephanie giggle.

You cover your face with your hands.

“Don’t worry about it,” Jess laughs, “You’re hardly the first actor to need some hickey cover up. Happens all the time–we’ll get you fixed up.”

Jess does an excellent job as promised and your neck looks pristine.

You thank her endlessly and slip out the door to go to wardrobe.

Just a moment later, Pedro speeds into hair and make-up, greeting Coco and plopping down in her chair.

“I need a bruise covered up,” he says simply. 

“How’d you hurt yourself this time, old man?” Coco asks.

“Uh, it’s not exactly that kind of bruise,” he replies sheepishly. He pulls down the turtle neck he’s wearing, revealing the hickeys he’s sporting up his neck. 

Coco, Stephanie and Jess all exchange a look. Stephanie is desperately trying to suppress a smirk and Jess has to turn away to contain herself. 

You and Pedro are none the wiser that you’re totally busted. 

“ Pedro ,” Coco scolds him playfully. 

“I know, I know,” he sighs. 

“Pass me that concealer, Jess?” Coco asks, “We’d better get started. This might take a while since someone decided to sell his body last night.”

“Oh shut up,” Pedro waved her off with a bashful chuckle, “Vete a la chingada.”

“Pedge, I’m immune to your spanish insults. I don’t speak Spanish.”

“Allow me to translate: fuck. off.”

“Never.”

—————-

You're sitting on the sidelines of the set, absently going over your script and blocking. 

“Hello you,” a low voice rings next to you. 

A smile climbs onto your lips and you keep your attention on the pages. 

“Fancy meeting you here,” you chime.

“Come here often?” 

You giggle, finally looking up at him, but your breath is stolen. God , he looked so good as Joel. 

“Querida, your face,” he chuckles, “we talked about this.”

You pause for a moment and realize what he’s implying. You must be blushing. Or drooling. 

“I have no idea how I have an acting career,” you murmur.  

He’s laughing and you can’t help but be reminded of a ray of light. He’s like a bright beam, reflected and refracted into a spectrum of color, streaking boldly across a sunlit room. Maybe you didn’t understand how someone could be ‘beaming’ until now.   

He looks like he almost starts to reach out to touch you, maybe tuck a stray hair behind your ear or place a hand on your waist, but he aborts the movement. 

Phillip approaches you and you break from your trance. 

“Hey guys!” He greets, “how about a quick dry run fight before shooting?”

“Sounds good,” Pedro nods as you agree. 

Someone from the props department appears with your fake knife and you thank them. 

You do a slow motion run through, making sure the spacing and blocking is perfected for the set pieces around you. 

The full speed run is just as intense as the first time you had tried it the night before. You’re panting on the floor by the end, and Pedro extends a hand to help you to your feet. You look up at him from underneath the fan of your lashes and he stares down at you all the same.

“Alright you definitely have the choreography down!” Phillip sings his praises and declares you both ready for filming. 

“We’re going to start shooting in just a minute here,” Craig informs the room. 

Jess is there, coming over to touch up your make up one last time and the guy from props reappears, returning the discarded knife back to you.

“You and Pedro have us sharing the good setting powder,” Jess laughs to herself, taking some onto her brush before Coco steals the container with a smile as she passes by.

It hits you all at once.

You left hickeys all over Pedro last night, didn’t you? You look over and see Coco brushing the powder over the side of his throat.

“ Jess, ” Your eyes are blown wide.

She pauses, regarding you with confusion for a moment until the realization appears on her face.

“Oh! Don’t worry, we’ll never tell. Makeup artists take an oath of secrecy,” She explains. “ However ,” She adds, “I am living vicariously through you. Just full transparency.”

“Fair,” you reply a bit distantly, still watching Pedro.

—-

Coco goes over to Pedro and starts on her final touch ups.

“You know,” she says quietly after a moment, “The weirdest thing happened earlier.”

“Yeah?” Pedro asks, suspicious of her playful tone.

“Yeah,” she replies, “A minute before you came in asking us to cover up your hickeys, your scene partner came in needing the same thing.”

“That is… quite a coincidence…” He agreed slowly.

“I’m glad one of us had sexcapades last night,” she assured him, “all I did was watch tv.”

“Please never say ‘sexcapade’ ever again,” Pedro muttered.

“Look, if you’re going for subtlety–tone it down,” She advises, “You look like you’re about to jump each other’s bones, not kill each other.”

“Fuck, it’s that obvious?” He asks.

She just replies with raised eyebrows and a smirk. “But–hey,” she says sincerely, “Good for you, Pedge. You deserve it.”

“Stop–” He swats her away with an embarrassed smile, “Making me blush. Joel doesn’t blush.”

“Go get ‘em tiger,” She pats him on the back before leaving.

A/N: Tell me what you liked most! I wanna know what my beloved slutty lil readers enjoy!

Chapter 2

[daceydeath]

Club 143

Pairing: 0T8 x Reader, Felix x Reader Word Count: 27.1K Genre: Work Romance, slow burn, Warnings: 18+, Minors DNI, swearing, male escorts, hosting, alcohol, Explicit Activities

This is my offering of thanks for the 2K of you that have followed me and also kept me going over the past 12 months you guys are amazing and I love the absolute shit out of you all xx

It had been a hard 18 months in every single way, your boyfriend has cheated on you, your job was a never ending cycle of not quite making it and all your friends were either getting married or having babies. Something had to go your way, so this new editorial opportunity had to be the start of it all turning around for you.

You swiped left again, the dating app that your best friend had downloaded for you was full to the brim with fuck boys, dip shits and douche bags none of which interested you long enough to even read the stupid little bio they had written. You had been alone long enough to know you didn't want to waste the little time and effort you could give to someone to be wasted on someone who wouldn't even be able to give you what you wanted let alone what you needed. You had complained to your best friends often enough that one had bought you a vibrator and the other had installed this stupid app telling you to just get back out there and meet people but you were struggling. You didn't want a cheap fuck in an alley behind a club or a guy who couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag let alone find your clitoris taking you home. You wanted to feel good, it wasn't neurosurgery it shouldn't be that hard to find. You had tried dating a few times since your break up with your ex but to begin with it was hard to trust a man again and then you realized you perhaps didn't want to fall straight back into a relationship until it was too late and you had given all the better options the flick.

Sighing you got back to work figuring that it would keep you busy you had been in the news media for a while now and although you weren't a fully qualified journalist, you had never bothered with university, you had made your way up the food chain and were currently working in the health, wellness and well being section of your company. You were sent to cover makeup launches, yoga classes, newest beauty surgical day spas and other garbage but this week you had been given a different assignment. As one of the only women in the team who didn't get embarrassed at the sight of anything too 'exciting' you were being sent to the latest host club for professional women. A week's worth of sitting around trying to not get too drunk while you watched professional, lonely and probably far too wealthy women get flirted with by attractive young men. It had made you a little nervous but you had looked into everything you had been given and you were hoping that it would go smoothly. 

Club 143 was in midtown just across the district border from the wealthiest areas of the city. The home of idols, celebrities and the business elite, it was incredibly well located to cater to their every need and whim. The man who you had spoken to over the phone had seemed quite casual, he had introduced himself as Bang Chan and said he was the owner and operator, he also seemed quite happy to have you come for the week to see how the premises operated and ran. You were going for the following day Wednesday to meet him and see what the club had to offer then you would meet with the various hosts and finally if you wished to he would grant you the full host experience free of charge in exchange for the editorial you would write. Your phone ringing broke you out of organizing what you would need to know for preparation.

"Good evening" you answered, slightly distracted as you saved your research on Mr Bang.

"Have I called at a bad time?" Chan's voice sounded slightly concerned.

"No not at all Mr Bang, I was just preparing for tomorrow" you chirped wanting to sound professional and interested despite being nervous.

"Good, good. I was thinking if it isn't too early we could start at about 11? It will just be me and the bar and waiting staff to begin with so don't feel you need to be dressed up. The boys wouldn't arrive until after 7 anyway so if you need to run home or to the office you have plenty of time" He explained to you gently.

"Oh excellent, that will hopefully give me time to interview you about the first half or so of the editorial on the beginnings and such" you nodded your head even though he couldn't see you.

"I'll see you tomorrow then" He said warmly, his voice having an effect of soothing you each time you heard it.

"See you tomorrow Mr Bang" you hung up feeling a little less worried but still unsure of how this assignment would go.

Arriving at 10:55 you stood looking at the fairly standard looking five story glass building, the only thing making it look slightly different from its surroundings was a total lack of signage except for a small black and sign with elegant gold script reading Club 143 next to the large front doors.

"Good morning Miss" a calm professional voice spoke, making you almost jump "You are here to meet with Mr Bang correct?". 

"Um yes, yes I am, I'm from the editorial team at JYP News" you smiled introducing yourself and following her inside.

"I'm just one of the wait staff Miss, Mr Bang asked us to keep an eye out for you and bring you to his office once you arrived" she explained leading you through the opulent looking bar with its high ceiling and huge chandelier to a door reading staff which she opened for you and gestured for you to enter and take a seat "He won't be long Miss" 

Nodding as she left you alone to wait you looked at the waiting area you had been led to, soft wingback armchairs in warm chocolate tones filled the space, gold accented furniture and a wooden floor seemed excessive for a staff area but you assumed you needed to present the lavish luxury everywhere just in case.

"Miss Kim?" His deep velvety voice asked, making your eyes snap to him "I'm Bang Chan, but please call me Chan" . His warm smile and adorable dimples were a stark contrast from his built physique and generally sexy appearance.

"Hello, if I am going to call you by your first name then please call me by mine" you swallowed hard shaking his hand as you greeted him.

"Good, I prefer to keep things as casual as possible, it can get too pretentious otherwise" He explained cheekily taking you into his office which was far more minimalist than the ostentatious club. "This is my office, we have seen the boys waiting room and you walked through the bar, would you like the tour first or to chat?"

"How about the tour first then we can start the start of the interview process" you smiled politely placing your bag on the floor beside his desk.

"Alright then" he clapped as you followed him back out to the bar to begin "This is the main bar this is where anyone can come to have a drink or enjoy themselves without interruptions, this bar isn't limited to women but we do anticipate that most of the clientele will be female due to the other services we provide"

"So this is not host related at all then just a regular bar?" you asked looking at the beautiful furnishings and row upon row of alcohol bottles that lined the mirrored walls behind the bar.

"Yes the first 2 levels are just a speakeasy come cocktail bar level 3 is where that changes although any available host will be down here in hopes of attracting clients" he waggled his eyebrows at you while he guided you to the large staircase which you climbed after he had offered his arm to you looking over the large cut out that had been made to house the gigantic chandelier.

"It does look beautiful" you murmur your fingers sliding against the fabric of the leather couches as you continue to the far end of the room towards the elevator that stood with its glimmering golden doors set against a black marble wall "Although very opulent".

"Opulence is not your taste then?" Chan queried interested in your opinion as the elevator doors opened and you stepped in together.

"Not to this level, I like a little bit of glitz every now and again but I'm more of a homebody" you felt your face heat up as you spoke not wanting to insult his business before you had even had a proper conversation with him.

"That's fair, I'm not into this lifestyle either, it is excessive" he chuckled. "But the women who are will pay for this experience without a second thought".

"Clever Chan, you know your target audience well" you tried not to smirk as you watched him stuff his hands into the pockets of his black chinos as you traveled up to the next floor through the mirrors all around you.

"This is level 3 and the first level of the host experience, women of all ages can come here and be doted on by male hosts who will drink with them, eat with them and basically fawn over them providing all the attention they desire" Chan continued to explain as your eyes roamed the deep red painted booths that could be hidden behind matching deep red velvet curtains. Before returning to the elevator to go up again into another room full of more private booths that were set further apart to elude more privacy.

"Level 4 is the next level of our host services, so the private bookings or most popular hosts will normally be here. They see people one on one for extended periods of time" Chan continued as you took in another over the top room only this time in deep emerald greens with gold accents.

"Ok so most popular? Does that mean the most requested? So the hosts on the lower level are more of a on demand and availability sort of set up?" You asked making a note in your phone to include the differences when you started writing.

"Yes, the ones that are requested the most or have customers wanting to request them on a regular basis. Yes they will be on this floor" he smiled as you took a few notes and asked things you weren't sure of.

"Is this the last level?" You asked, thinking back to when you had looked into the building as part of your research "I thought this was a five story building" you tilted your head to him.

"You are right there is one more level which I'll give you a tour of only one part since it needs to remain an enigma to out clients" he smirked like a cat who had gotten the cream as you stepped into the lift once again the last floor could only be accessed by key card as Chan swiped his allowing for the floor to be selected.

"Oh, is it really a secret then?" you sassed playfully as the lift climbed to the final floor, the lift opened revealing a single hallway that led to a set of 10 doors the entire hallway painted deep navy blue with only the golden door handles and numbers glinting like stars against the dark walls.

"This is level 5, the premium service, and the most expensive and exclusive part of Club 143" Chan grinned, leading you out of the elevator with his hand resting against your lower back "Pick a door any door and that will be the final part of the tour". You walked down the hallway and stopped before door three looking back at Chan with your eyebrow cocked"

"Door 3 please Chan" you smiled.

"Are you sure you won't get to see inside the others, this is the only one you will see?" He teased walking to the door and swiping his card and opening the handle slowly as you nodded up at him.

"Woah" you muttered as you stepped into what could be a million dollar penthouse, with a lounge area, large bedroom and as you wandered a giant bathroom with a several person bathtub and shower that could fit at least four people.

"Level 5 is the full host experience, you are wined and dined in the comfort of a luxury home and there are no rules except for the ones made between the host and the client" he explained further as you turned back to him, your eyes wide at his obvious implications.

"I'm sorry level 5 is a brothel?" you almost squeaked as Chan doubled over in laughter.

"We provide a full service, but it doesn't have to include sex" Chan continued to chuckle "Some of our hosts are escorts some are not, some of the women who come to this floor will only be here to avoid being recognized on the lower floors some will be willing to part with a lot of money for a night with one of my boys".

"Sorry, that came out quite rudely didn't it?" you apologized flustered "I just wasn't expecting hosts and escorts".

"It's fine" he shrugged, still trying to stop his laughter "Come back downstairs and we can chat about it all in my office and grab some lunch, I've told the kitchens that anything on the menu you order is on the house".

"You don't have to put up with me poking around all week and feed me" you retorted knowing how much this was potentially going to put him out of pocket.

"If you are here and you are working then I should feed you, it's the only way for you to have a fully immersive experience after all" he shrugged as you got out of the lift on the ground floor and followed him back to his office.

You had spoken with Chan about everything you could think of, why he started the club, where the idea had come from and how he selected the hosts you had moved into the waiting room that he had called the boys waiting room setting up your laptop and starting with the opening parts of your editorial as well as typing up your notes of all the things you would need for later a tasting plate of pasta that the chef had prepared for you sat mostly eaten beside the coffee you had asked one of the bar staff for. You felt strange being given anything you asked for so you had tried your hardest to only order a relatively inexpensive dish off the overly expensive menu so as not to appear greedy or that you were taking advantage of Chan's generous hospitality.

"Good afternoon beautiful" a soft pleasant voice interrupted your typing as you looked up slightly confused as two handsome men had walked into the waiting room.

"He means you sweetheart" the other smiled, his pretty smile and easy manner distracting from his hulkingly muscular frame.

"Hello" you answered quietly as Chan emerged from his office. 

"Minho, Changbin you're early and you have met our resident reporter I see" he rolled his eyes at them both.

"Resident reporter?" The taller one quirked his head furrowing his brows.

"Remember the editorial that is being written about our first week to help boost the popularity of the place Minho?" Chan sighed slightly exasperated.

"Oh yeah shit that's right" he smirked "Sorry" he turned to you again looking smug rather than sorry as you blinked again and went back to your article taking a sip of coffee.

"Get in the office will you we have stuff to talk about" Chan groaned as the other two plodded into the office after him and you took that as your cue to finish up and go home to change for the evening so that you at least looked the part of someone who should be in attendance at a fancy arsed party. You had borrowed a few dresses from a colleague that you had spoken to about the assignment, she had suggested you stick to darker and more modest dresses that would help you blend into the background so that you didn't draw unwanted attention. Needless to say the black square necked mid length dress made you feel like no one would notice you compared to the socialites that were expected to be in attendance.

When you returned to Club 143 the doorman ushered you straight in and you were met by a well dressed man who welcomed you and took you back to the waiting room you had been in for half of your day.

"Mr Bang, your guest has returned" he knocked and ushered you in leaving you quite surprised at the room now full of preposterously handsome men.

"Um hello, guests aren't meant to be back here sweetheart" One of them smiled his eyes friendly as he moved to take you into the still empty bar.

"There you are! you disappeared I wondered which one of the boys had stolen you away" Chan teased.

"Well I didn't think I would fit in that well in a work suit so sorry about that" you sassed straight back feeling distinctly more comfortable after floating around him for so long during the course of the day.

"Miss reporter you came back" one of the guys from earlier grinned.

"Reporter?" A very young looking man asked, his fine facial features making him look distinctly fox like.

"This is the reporter who will be doing the editorial on the club to, hopefully, increase our business. She's here for the whole week so be nice to her. She isn't a client so don't treat her like one" Chan announced.

"This is Minho and Changbin who you saw earlier today" he gestured to the two guys furthest away, "this is Han, Hyunjin, Seungmin and Felix". You followed Chan hand as he introduced each one, smiling until you met his eyes. He was so beautiful he almost took your breath away but you tore your eyes back to look at Chan as he introduced you to them.

"I figured tonight you can wander at will observing whatever interests you and then tomorrow you can talk to the guys about whatever you need for the article" he continued.

"Sure that sounds good, give me a chance to see the rest of the staff in action as well" you smiled politely hoping to seem professional.

"We do have more hosts obviously, but they are either getting changed or not here yet" he added, looking at you as you quirked your eyebrow at him.

"How many are there in total?" you tilted your head pulling your phone from your tiny purse to take more notes.

"There are thirty hosts in total and these seven are the ones I expect to be the... most popular ones" Chan smirked.

"Oh the host for upstairs, the hosts that are actually escorts but you're calling them hosts, those hosts? Right" you rolled your eyes sounding sarcastic as you entered a few short notes looking back up at him to see a shit eating grin on his face.

"You catch on quick" he winked.

"You are an impossible flirt Mr Bang" you pursed your lips to cover your chuckle.

"Hey what did I say about the Mr Bang thing?" he almost yelped.

"Not to use it" you met his eyes cheekily "So naturally that will be what I call you". 

Your eyes flicked back across the others, taking in the amused expressions before you put on your best professional face and turned back to the door, opening it and walking though to cut off whatever comeback he was preparing for you.

"If you need me Mr Bang I'll be at the bar, need to review your bar staff too you know" you called as you walked towards the large bar where three barmen were waiting.

Once the music started and the doors opened to the many beautiful and well dressed women who wanted to see what a building full of ridiculously handsome men could offer them. You watched as each of the impeccably dressed hosts were either assigned or accosted by the women filling the bar you watched on seeing socialites you recognized, CEO’'s and directors of well known businesses and politicians wives all ogling the men you had met earlier and the many that you hadn't as they flitted through the crowd with ease. Chan was busy entertaining a group of women who all had glasses of champagne in their hands, Minho seemed to be captivating his audience of four young women who had bee lined for him and an a tall man you hadn't met was keeping another group of women enthralled by some story he was weaving for them.

"All alone tonight Miss R?" A sexily deep voice asked from you left making you jump slightly as you turned to face him as he slipped the stem of a glass of champagne between your fingers.

"Oh no I'm just observing tonight" you answered slightly flustered by how smooth his actions had been until you actually looked at him, tall, blond and handsome in an expensive tailored looking suit.

"I'm Felix" he smiled dazzlingly, taking in what must have been a slightly shocked expression on your face "We met before but there were a lot of names for you to remember".

"Yes, yes we did" you smiled back feeling helpless to do anything else as his golden flecked brown eyes skimmed over your face "How is the night going so far for you?".

"I would say excellent but then I saw you alone and I thought you might want a little company for just a little while" His voice was like honey and you instantly realized that this must be why Chan knew he would be so popular with his clientele.

"That would be lovely Felix, but aren't you meant to be working?" you sipped the champagne to cover the flush that was creeping up your neck as he moved a few strands of your hair behind your eyes.

"I am working" he teased "I am working on giving you a good view of how this works although this is more enjoyable to me than politicians wives or silly socialites".

"I can't tell if you are actually telling me the truth or that you are a professional when it comes to flirting" you admitted almost too quietly to hear over the music and noise.

"Truth not flirting" he smiled crookedly "Flirting is hardly going to work on you since you know what happens here".

"Well thank you for the honesty" you conceded while taking another sip of the wine.

"It's not entirely selfless but it thought I could show you around a bit let you see how upstairs is looking" he suggested offering you his arm like a gentleman "after all showing you around does give me at least something enjoyable to do that also gets me away from some of the women old enough to be my mother" he joked.

"I would really like that, it seems less like spying if I am next to you" you grinned taking the offered arm before Felix escorted you to the elevator, you noticed the looks some of the women threw at you and started to fell a little self conscious of the sheer lack of wealth and importance you looked as you passed them.

"Ignore them" Felix whispered, placing his other hand on top of the one you were holding his arm with. "They are just jealous of how beautiful you look tonight compared to them".

"I agree that they are jealous but it's not for how I look it's because I'm with you Felix" you whispered back making him smile genuinely at you. "So level 3 then?"

"We can start there and see where it takes us" Felix smirked naughtily as though he was intentionally breaking a rule, gently guiding you into the elevator along with another host you hadn't seen before who had a giggly young woman clutching his arm Felix tiled his body to hide you from the other woman his warm chest brushing against your arm.

Stepping from the lift the hosted area looked almost as full as the bar downstairs, each of the booths were either occupied or had velvet ropes preventing the area being used until a host was available to fill it. Felix took your hand from his arm and instead guided you with his arm delicately draped around your waist, your skin heating up where he made contact with your dress. He helped you onto one of the bar stools slipping onto his own beside you and catching the attention of one of the bartenders.

"What is your drink of choice?" he asked casually, still looking toward the bartender.

"Oh I'm working, I shouldn't be drinking" you replied softly.

"Well how about a non alcoholic drink?" he shot you a seductive smirk as you blinked at him.

"Um" you thought for a moment.

"Can I get two specialty martinis please" Felix ordered before turning back to you and winking "if you say specialty at any of these bars they will serve you a non alcoholic drink that looks like one so no one is the wiser".

"Any other tips you can share with me?" you smiled gracefully as the bartender placed the two drinks in front of you making Felix lean into your ear as though he was spilling secrets.

"Don't take Chan as just the owner, he is one of us too" he whispered "and to be honest half the escort boys you met would have knocked me out if they knew I was going to monopolize your attention for so long". His breath grazed your neck as he spoke, making you shiver hoping that he wouldn't notice the effect he was having on you and the struggle to remain as professional as possible that you were currently battling inside your head.

"How often this week do you think you will be on this floor then Felix?" you whispered back hoping to keep the purely professional status between you since your mind was screaming at you that he was too good to be true.

"This is probably going to be the only time to be honest with you" he moved to tuck your hair behind your ear once again, before taking your elbow to guide you back across to the elevator "I have a feeling I will be booked fairly solidly from here on out, shall we see the next floor?"

Stepping into the elevator again Felix draped his arm once again around your waist pulling you closer to his side, completely distracting you from the doors closing or opening again, before leading you from the elevator to a private booth at the far end of the room and sliding you in and following in after you.

"So tell me, why did you take this assignment?" he tilted his head looking only into your eyes as he spoke, capturing you entirely from what you had been planning on observing around the room.

"Truthfully, I was hoping I could make a good impression on my bosses and get more interesting work" you admitted "I'm a little tired of the ten ways to look younger, or how to land a wealthy boyfriend articles I usually get".

"Hmm, I can understand that" he sipped his drink casually. "You don't seem the type to work in the whole lifestyle media world to be honest with you, you seem more serious".

"I wouldn't have taken you for an escort either, a rich boy maybe or even a host but still here we are" you fired back teasingly.

"Well right now I'm not any of those things" he smirked, eyes twinkling in the low mood lighting of the room.

"Oh I'm pretty sure you're still a rich boy, judging by how tailored that designer suit is" you giggled playfully, enjoying how he was making you feel much more comfortable than you had anticipated.

"Fair I am still that, but I'm not treating you like I would if you were one of my guests, I thought you might get a bit sick of me if it was all just smoke and mirrors" The honesty of his words made you feel somewhat pleased that you were seeing a more realistic version of Felix even if it wasn't the same as if you had met him anywhere else on any other day.

"Right this is where you're hiding huh?" Chan's voice floated over you both bursting the bubble that you were currently in.

"I'm just showing Miss R what a host experience would entail Chan" Felix grinned cheekily.

"Well you have a booking so off you trot I'll find someone else to entertain our fly on the wall guest" Chan chuckled as Felix got out of the booth missing the look he shot you before he left to find his guest, he looked almost a little disappointed to be leaving you which made butterflies burst out in your stomach.

"Would you like me to find someone to look after you?" Chan's voice had you turning back to him blinking.

"Oh no, it's opening night, you need them for your guests, I'll just wander and keep to myself if that is easier" you said hurriedly not wanting to cause him any issues.

"That's fine too. I have a keycard for you so you can go to any of the floors you want, except the top, don't want you walking into something you shouldn't" he winked sneakily pressing the card into your hand before heading back to your assumed work.

You slipped from the booth taking the final sip of your drink and heading towards the elevator deciding that you should probably make your way back down to the bar to observe the party and not just spend the rest of the evening hoping to catch a glimpse of Felix again. Stepping into the party atmosphere of the upper bar you walked towards the bar slipping around groups of women and wait staff who looked like they had been training for how busy it was going to be for weeks in advance. Different handsome men caught your attention as you looked about, all were almost unbelievably attractive but no two looked that much alike they all had their own uniqueness which you suppose was how they made their money catering to the exact fantasy of the guest they were entertaining. As you made your way closer to the bar you were intercepted by a man you hadn't met before.

"Good evening, beautiful, what brings you here alone?" His smooth voice washed over you "May I keep you company?".

"Hello and of course you can but you will be wasting your time on me" you apologized quickly.

"I would very much doubt that" you smiled softly, his pretty eyes and angelic face making you feel a little flustered "I'm Yunho" he introduced himself taking your hand to press a chaste kiss to your knuckles.

"Pleasure to meet you Yunho" you stammered as he guided you to a seat at the bar "I'm the reporter that is writing the editorial on the place".

"Oh you're Miss R!" his eyes lit up as he waved down one of the staff at the bar "Some of the others were talking about you, said you were very pretty and had been swept off her feet by Felix. I'll admit I'm pleased that only one of those is true".

"I can tell you're a host but what kind of host are you?" you licked your lips trying to keep your composure at his flirting.

"Ah Chan already mentioned there are differences, no wonder he's hopeless with telling too much to pretty girls" he laughed "But I am just a host, I'm not in the same league as Felix, Chan or Hyunjin".

"Now you know I'm not a paying guest, do you still want to sit here with me?" you questioned not just because you wanted to ask him everything you could think of about his job but also because you didn't want to make him feel obligated if there was money to be made elsewhere.

"I would rather talk with you about whatever you wish to know than pretend to be interested in empty headed socialites" he whispered coyly his lips coming closer to your ear "Although maybe we should move to our own little corner rather than the bar?"

"What did you have in mind, Yunho? you're the one with experience here" you whispered back conspiratorially a small smile tugged on the corners of his lips.

"Follow me Miss R, I'll show you all the ins and outs" you waggled his eyebrows playfully at you before picking up two tall glasses that looked like gin and tonics. Yunho nestled you right into the front corner of the upper level which gave you access to watch the whole floor and a good section of the lower floor placing your glass in front of you he sat closely beside you.

"What drew you to this job?" you quipped as soon as he was seated.

"Well I fell into it actually, I met a few of the other guys Yeosang, Wooyong and Mingi they said I should give it a go. I already knew I had pretty good looks so why not use them to make some money right?" He explained animatedly "So after I worked at a few different host places where I was just part time I met Chan, he had given the others a job and he gave me one too".

"That is such a random set of circumstances" you laughed.

"Well the other three work here with me, we’re here 5 nights a week and make more then we would working a normal job with way less hours" he shrugged easily his smile infectious as he looked at you softly "I meet interesting people, I get paid to flirt and be charming it is the easiest job in the world the only downside is that I haven't told my family and getting a girlfriend is hard" you nodded empathizing with him, you hadn't thought about it but you would probably have to leave all last names out of the article to make sure that a level on anonymity was maintained. You couldn't out people for their jobs to their family after all that was unethical.

"So the hours are good and the job isn't too hard? Sounds like a dream really" you said wistfully thinking of how much over time you were going to need to work to type up the part of the article to do with the opening.

"It's not all roses, some of the people we have to entertain treat us like shit, we are paid to give them attention, flatter them, make them feel special but they treat us like we are nothing more than an object half the time. Or worse we get some who not only eat up every word we say but believe it so they become obsessed and come in all the time." he continued shrugging as though it was normal to have admirers fighting for your attention.

"What happens in the case of them becoming obsessed?" you asked genuinely concerned.

"Well as long as they can afford to pay for our time then we keep seeing them, you do feel bad for them they think we are in love with them and we are actually saying the same to the next woman we see. Once they can't afford our time they can come in the building anymore" his answers were still far too casual for what he was talking about in your opinion.

"They are just barred?" you almost splutter.

"Well not barred permanently they can come back when they can afford to but that is why Chan decided to make a much more elite version of the standard club. The more money you have the more you can spend but the more likely you will draw a scandal if you become too invested in any one host" he clarified not looking at you directly but leaning in to you as he spoke so he could keep his voice quiet. He seemed to be watching the room far closer than you which made you sit back from him and continue to scan the crowd and how smoothly things were coming together.

You couldn't help notice the moment Chan walked back into your eye line speaking to another quite tall and attractive man who he sent toward a man who had been standing at the bottom of the stairs monitoring the room the whole time you had been in a place you could see him. You hadn't been introduced but you assumed he was the majordomo in Chan's stead while they were all working, he seemed to direct just about every host that was on the lower floors and he sent this tall handsome one up the stairs towards you.

"Good evening Miss R" he smiled almost sinfully "I'm San and I deeply apologize but I need to steal Yunho here away".

"Oh of course, I don't want to interrupt your work" your eyes widened slightly thinking you had gotten Yunho in trouble "I didn't mean to take so much of his time".

"Don't worry Miss R" Yunho grinned roguishly "I think someone else wants to monopolize your time" he stood following San across the floor to a group of women who were probably in the later part of their thirties to make a good impression and hopefully some business.

"You seem to be enjoying yourself," Chan noted, offering you his hand so you could stand.

"This is a lovely bar regardless of the other things you have going on here" you conceded watching him look proud from a moment.

"Would you like to have a little more in depth look around?" He offered chuckling at how you seemed to be taking in as many details as possible.  

"How much more in depth?" you tilted your head at him for a moment making him chuckle before he led you to the elevator. 

"Were going up to the level 4 I have a space that I haven't been able to fill that I think you might be perfect for" Chan almost purred as he spoke to you making your body react in a way you hadn't expected, you shivered and your breathing increased at the prospect of what he meant.

"I'm confused Chan" you said slowly as he gently guided you towards a booth that was unoccupied.

"Well the fourth floor has a booth that hasn't been filled and a host that hasn't been assigned so I was hoping you would do me a favor and fill that gap for the time being" he revealed helping you on to the plush velvet couch that made up the majority of the space. Most of the curtains around you were drawn partially or completely, you could see the occasional glimpse of the host that was working but not the guest. The booth to your right hand side Changbin lounging legs half spread as he lent toward whoever he was entertaining to your left you saw a flash of blonde hair and a tailored suit and knew instantly it was Felix.

"I can do that for you, it would be my pleasure" you bit your bottom lip a little to cover the nerves you were feeling but you did feel like you owed Chan to help him if he needed a favor in return for the unlimited access he was giving you.

"Excellent, I will let him know you are here" He grinned walking behind you to the bar. You didn't want to get caught looking around too much but you couldn't help your curiosity, looking at the other booths you could see occasional comings and goings of the wait staff bringing drinks or bottles of wine but nothing too interesting until you sat further into the cushions and looked to your left noticing Felix's looking at you with a almost annoyed expression but his eyes darted away quickly.

"Hello, we met earlier" a slightly husky voice took your attention away from Felix and to yet another handsome man, this one tall and lean with beautiful features and the prettiest lips you thought you had ever seen on anyone ever. "I'm Hyunjin".

"Hello Hyunjin, I do remember" you swallowed feeling shy to be under such an intense gaze, he moved to draw the curtains across both the left and right of you to keep you from any other person's gaze but not before snorting softly as he pulled the left side across. Sitting beside you he pushed a small button on the coffee table in front of you and made himself comfortable.

"I realize this might be slightly strange for you but I will try to make this as genuine as I can without too much theatrics" He chuckled honestly making you feel a little more at ease.

"How is it that a host such as yourself is not fully booked?" you asked tentatively not wanting to start off on the wrong foot.

"Well my guest was unable to choose between myself and another host so she flipped a coin and I was suddenly no longer booked" he smirked as you furrowed your brow at him. "We will see guests in pairs or sometimes even groups but if they want a more one-on-one experience we usually prefer to work solo, unless of course the price is right".

"One on one? you don't, mean down here do you?" you asked, picking up and sipping the glass of wine that had appeared on the table for you brought by a very discrete member of the staff.

"Perceptive of you" he chuckled and smiled fondly at you "Yes one on one upstairs".

"Well you guys have to pay your rent too" you shrugged looking up at him "So what is a night with a host actually like? Is it all flirting and playing a role for you?"

"Its both those things but much more, I won't bother with the smoke and mirrors Felix said you can see through that, but we make conversation, give you our full attention, give you the opportunity to unwind with a man you might not normally get to spend time with" Hyunjin clarified "We are paid to feign interest but I won't need to do that either because you Miss R are quite interesting already".

"Why have all of you started calling me that?" you almost giggle watching his eyes crinkle with amusement.

"Well you are a reporter, and we are not going to call you by your name in case someone recognizes you, you get the anonymity that the rest of us hosts do while you're here. But if you come back after we will all definitely use your name" Hyunjin teasingly laughed making you smile as his eyes turned into perfect little moons making him look younger.

"How did you fall into this life Hyunjin? Was it just that you are incredibly attractive?" you continued to smile as he looked almost surprised at the confidence with which you spoke as you swirled your drink.

"Incredibly attractive huh?" Hyunjin smirked, recovering quickly. "Probably the same way as the others you have spoken to did, I was in art school and pretty broke. I was thinking I could do life modeling for extra money but that isn't the best paid job. I overheard a classmate say she had gone to a host club with her friend and they weren't even as pretty as me and I thought I can do that so I did" he shrugged casually readjusting his position on the couch so he was closer to you.

"That is actually not too different from what Yunho told me" you agreed, finishing the glass of wine.

"Yunho? First you run off with Felix then Yunho, you are popular" Hyunjin joked moving to pour more wine into your glass.

"That's not what happened!" You almost squeaked "Felix showed me around and Yunho just sat with me for a little while at the bar in between his bookings". Hyunjin threw his head back laughing at your defense while you still looked scandalized.

"I was just teasing you Miss Reporter" he admitted smiling wide, his overly sexy demeanor dropping to show you a glimpse of the more everyday version of him as you continued to sip to hide your nerves and keep yourself grounded.

"I think I might have gotten Felix in trouble though" you admitted sheepishly "Chan didn't look too pleased I was taking up his time".

"Oh he wasn't displeased or even annoyed" Hyunjin interrupted you swiftly "Chan was thrilled Felix took an interest in you actually, it gave him the potential of a very favorable editorial and also Felix doesn't really have an interest in anyone who isn't part of our little circle".

"What do you mean by that, the not showing interest part?" you quizzed quickly feeling more forthright as the alcohol buzzed through your system.

"Felix is incredibly professional, he doesn't see women outside of the job, we were worried he was gay for a while and that we had been using him to attract the wrong clients. But he just doesn't take any interest because he doesn't want to get hurt, he knows nearly all women would not want to be with a man who make his money fucking other women" Hyunjin stated bluntly.

"Oh that's awful. Do you all feel like that?" You probed gently feeling sad for Felix and mad at yourself for not noticing that he was perhaps not happy.

"We all love our job, we are well paid, we get to spend time with beautiful women and we can work when we want. But it can be lonely in our world" his smile was wistful as he looked at you moving to tuck you hair behind your ear slowly pulling his hand away from you.

"Still, that sounds like it makes things harder for you" you sighed, meeting his eyes.

"Kind of you to say but we will only have this job for so long, then we will have the rest of our lives to find someone" Hyunjin leaned a little closer again but you didn't mind closer was good for sharing information that otherwise wouldn't be divulged.

"Still you're all so young to just give up on the idea that someone out there won't care for you regardless" you chastised playfully "You only have your youth once Hyunjin".

"Well consider me a changed man then" he giggled, taking your hand in his tracing his fingers in small circles across your wrist. "What about you then? Surely your boyfriend would have hated the idea of you spending a week here, job or not".

"I am very single so that was not an issue" you grinned starting to feel a little more than buzzed from the wine.

"I find it hard to believe someone as gorgeous as you is single" he smirked, his fingers still tracing patterns on your bare wrist and forearm.

"Funny Hyunjin" you rolled your eyes. "I have actually been single for a while, I don't seem to attract the right men".

"Again that seems unlikely but if you say so" he teased, topping your glass up again.

"I understand how you are so popular as a host now though" you smirked while you enjoyed his flirting and gentle touches you knew they weren't real.

"I'll let you in on a little secret then shall I?" Hyunjin whispered in a low voice sliding across the velvet surface until he was touching your thigh with his and his words could be breathed directly into your ear.

"Sure Hyunjin, tell me and see if I believe you" you whispered back sounding more confident than you were.

"Everything I have said has been true and I would very much like to take you upstairs" he whispered again pressing his lips to your earlobe.

"I'm sorry?" you spluttered, completely flustered by his words and the feeling of his lips on your skin.

"I. would. like. to. take. you. upstairs" he repeated slowly enunciating each word.

"I, um, why would you want that?" you stuttered feeling heat burning under your skin

"I think I could show you exactly how you should be treated, I think you would enjoy it and I very much would" he continued slipping his arm around your shoulders to hold you closer against him, the hand on your wrist now cupping your face.

"I don't think you mean that Hyunjin" you whispered breathily, your wide eyes trained on him.

"I think you will find that I do" he smiled sultrily before closing the space between you and softly pressing his lips to yours. It had been so long since you had been kissed you almost melted into him as his plump lips slid against yours but instead you pulled away slightly and Hyunjin dropped his hand from your face as he moved to press his forehead against yours.

"Hyunjin" you breathed your breath no doubt caressing his lips given how close he still was "You can't, we can't, I can't".  

"Because of your editorial or because you don't want to?" he smiled softly, not moving away from you.

"The editorial is most of it" you admitted trying to get your heart rate to calm "but I also don't want to be tipsy if I was to go upstairs with you or anyone else".

"You are very honest Miss R, which is almost fatally attractive" he whispered fondly, moving himself slightly further back from you to give you a little more room.

"I try to be" you blinked, still feeling a little dazed.

"How about we call this a night, I will make sure you get a driver to take you home and make sure you are safe" Hyunjin smiled ruefully.

"I am sorry Hyunjin, I don't mean it harshly I just don't want to be clouded by alcohol" you bit your lip feeling like you had hurt him.

"I'm not hurt by your decision Miss R, I respect that you wish to be sober that is not a flaw" He explained intertwining his fingers with yours "now let me make sure you get home safely"

"Thank you Hyunjin" you agreed following letting his lead you to the elevators but not before looking to see if you could catch another glimpse of Felix, the booth he had been in was empty now curtains pulled back and the table sparkling clean again making you feel something you couldn't identify as you looked around noticing the others were all still occupied and that the elevator was not coming down not up towards your floor.

"If you're looking for him he is on level 5 by now" Hyunjin whispered in your ear making your stomach drop slightly.

"Oh no I am just wondering what happens when the table becomes empty does Chan replace it with just regular hosts?" you tried to cover your obvious want to see Felix again.

"I don't actually know, you see all of the guests in here, beside you, will end up on level 5 with their host so what happens after we go upstairs isn't something I've ever bothered looking at" Hyunjin shrugged mischievously as he stepped into the elevator with you making your way down to the ground floor but instead of leaving through the main entrance he sneakily took you through the the staff door. 

"Hyunjin, where on earth are you taking me?" you chuckled, confusion lacing your voice as you noticed some of the other hosts you hadn't seen before looking at you surprised.

"I told you Miss R, I'm making sure you get home safely, we have drivers, I will send you home with one to make sure that happens" he shook his head at you sitting you in one of the chairs as he ventured through a door that led further into the building.

Hyunjin had put you in a black luxury sedan that drove you home and made sure you had entered your building before leaving to return to Club 143. Your head was full of too many thoughts and the fog of alcohol to actually bother writing anything down for the editorial you simply got into the shower, washed your face and climbed into bed hoping the morning light would bring clarity not just embarrassment for your behavior. Felix had flirted with you and had shown some sort of interest in you, but he looked annoyed at you later on, Hyunjin had kissed you and asked you to go to bed with him and Yunho had divulged some more sinister aspects of the job. The following part of the week was going to be intense, you could feel it but that was fine you would be able to handle it.

You were happily surprised that you had no headache or hangover when you woke up although you didn't think you had drunk enough to get hung over. It was much more of a little too tipsy, not full on drunk. You knew as you got dressed you would have to transfer your notes from the cloud to your laptop so that you could start the editorial about how beautiful a location it was and how fantastic the food, drinks and staff were, you could also start adding the sections that you needed to write about Chan as the owner/operator but you would need to speak to him about what he would and would not like to have added about his on host activities. It had been almost two in the morning by the time you got home so you knew that there was no way you could turn up before lunch, the staff would need time to recover all though surely there were dozens and dozens of them in order to be open everyday.

Concentrating you spent the first few hours of your morning writing and editing your drafts before ordering flowers for your colleague who had lent you the dress for the previous night. You would probably need to shop or at least rent something for the other nights rather than just wear her clothes the whole assignment. Besides, something inside you was telling you that looking a little bit more interesting than you did last night wouldn't be a bad thing, at least for the first weekend they were open. You were expecting to see more interesting things over the Friday to Sunday nights, more normal to the host world and less of a large opening gala type thing. Chan had previously stated that you were welcome to bring clothes with you to change into and anything else you might need for you to change into, to save you time and no doubt also to give him more time to sleep off the night before so shopping before you left for Club 143 should be easy for you.

Stepping into the large department store was something fairly foreign for you, you stuck to smaller and cheaper stores generally since you couldn't afford this level of expense everyday. The sales assistants were all impeccably dressed in black chic uniforms flitting between customers and looking far more put together than you ever did, for the most part they ignored you which gave you time to think about the level of investment these few dresses would be.

"Good morning Miss R" a deep honeyed voice spoke softly to you as you ran your fingers across the fabric of a beautiful dress that was way too expensive for you even to pretend to look at, making you look up slightly startled.

"Good Morning Felix" you smiled shyly looking up at him "I didn't think you would be out and about so early considering how busy you were when I last saw you".

"I needed to pick up my suits for the weekend" he explained his smile warming you "Although from what I was told you spent your time all over the party last night, even Hyunjin was lucky enough to spend time with you".

"True, not my doing though I was asked for a favor from Chris which was to fill the booth Hyunjin was working" you shrugged "He seems nice if not a little forward".

"Forward? Sounds about right" Felix laughed, the deep smooth sound attracting the attention of the attendants in the area "Did you have fun? Is that why you are shopping for new clothes?"

"I am but I have strayed off course I could never wear designers like these" you admitted as his brow crinkled slightly.

"That doesn't mean you shouldn't try them on, these clothes are only beautiful on someone not hanging on a rack" he smiled again dazzling you into nodding slightly.

"Excuse me miss? my girlfriend is looking for a few new outfits, could you assist?" Felix turned to the assistant waiting a few racks away smiling at her politely.

"Oh course sir" she nodded, batting her eyelashes at him as she made her way between the clothes  to you "What size would fit you, Miss?" she smiled.

"Oh I'm not sure" you bit your lip looking at the dress in front of you.

"I would suggest a medium sweetheart" Felix almost purred as the assistant nodded in agreement and found several items in your size ushering you and Felix towards the dressing room area.

"Felix" you quietly hissed, "I shouldn't be wasting her time like this and who said anything about girlfriends" knowing he heard you as he silently shook with laughter.

"It's not wasting her time if she had nothing to do anyway" he whispered back taking a seat on the large lounge suite that sat next to the full length mirrors as you were ushered behind gold colored curtains to change into the dress you had originally been looking at a black lace square necked dress that was lined with a skin toned underlay. You knew you were not going to buy any of these but Felix waiting for you to show him how you looked in it spurred you on. Getting yourself into the dress was easier said than done. The zip was small and awkward and you needed to wiggle yourself around but when you got there clearing your throat you popped your head around the curtain to see Felix smirking waiting for you.

"Well come out sweetheart let me see how it looks" he teased, somehow seeming to know he was flustering you again, taking a deep breath as you stepped out from behind the curtain.

"How does it look?" you asked softly your hands, smoothing the fabric nervously.

"Well you do look beautiful in it, but I think you would look gorgeous in something a little shorter or maybe tighter?" Felix mused tapping his chin as the assistant returned to agree with him as he sent her to find exactly that.

"Felix, didn't you have suits to collect?" you mumble as you were now left alone again.

"Yeah but this is much more fun" his eyes lit up as you looked at yourself wistfully "besides you will spend the whole night watching women who aren't as pretty as you get attention for men who would be rather talking to you as you take notes for an editorial that might change your career, live a little".

"You are a terrible influence on me" you laughed disappearing behind the curtain to get the zipper back down as the girl returned with a rack of things for you to try.

"I have several different styles and a mix of black and color so you can find exactly what you think would be right" she chirped, sliding behind the curtain to show you the rack which was filled with ridiculously expensive and gorgeous dresses. Leaving you to change she left the room allowing you to slip into a black mini dress with hot pink lining, the pink was going to be visible every time you took a step but you liked it, you were just nervous that Felix might not, which logically made no sense to you as you were not buying any of these dresses and you weren't trying to impress Felix, but you still took a deep breath before stepping out.

"Now that one looks amazing" Felix whistled playfully looking you up and down.

"You don't need to pretend she isn't here anymore" you sassed rolling your eyes.

"I'm not lying, you look incredible Miss R" he sighed, his eyes finding yours and looking almost innocent "try the others" he encouraged. After trying on every single dress your favorite was the black and pink satin mini, a black long sleeved mini that was studded with crystals and a one shoulder red and black mini. Felix had said that he liked all of them but those three got the best reactions from him.

"What were your favorites?" He asked sweetly as you reemerged in your own clothes.

"The black and pink and the black with crystals" you smiled as he gestured towards the door.

"They were my favorites too" he whispered temptingly in your ear.

"Shame that is the only time I'll get to wear something like that" you sighed as the assistant returned to the shop floor with the rack.

"Did you want to get a coffee with me Miss R? I have another 45 minutes before my suits will be ready.

"I would like that" you stuttered, heat rushing up your throat and into your cheeks.

Sitting with Felix in the open was very different than sitting with Felix in a Club 143, firstly the looks and stares he attracted were constant and second he was much less of a smooth operator when he wasn't on the clock. Ordering you both coffee, at his insistence, and coming back with cake was somehow unsurprising even though you barely knew him, you still thanked him and took the chocolate cake with a happy smile making him almost grin at your reaction.

"You look like you like sweet things" he spoke softly as he sat opposite you at the little table in the back of the cafe.

"I do like sweet things, guess you busted me" you chuckled taking your first bite and just about moaning at how good it tasted.

"I'll let you in on a secret" he winked exaggeratedly "me too".

"So is this your life when you aren't hosting?" you asked genuinely as your coffee was being brought over to you.

"Sort of, I do all the normal things during the hours most people work and often a bunch of us hang out or work out together" he shrugged while sipping his coffee.

"So just the reverse of everyone else" you nodded "That must make meeting people hard".

"It would be if I actually wanted to, but I don't think a lot of women are that understanding of my job" he replied easily like it wasn't a big deal.

"Yeah I get that I guess a lot of women wouldn't see that it's all just smoke and mirrors, it's an experience that you tailor to your customers needs it isn't real". You conceded sipping your drink and not noticing the look Felix was giving you as you continued eating.

"You said you were single too though, didn't you?" Felix recovered quickly "Is that because of your job or because you aren't looking?".

"Bit of both really, my job means I have to be flexible to go to any event I get sent to regardless of what else I had planned" you smiled "guys often don't like it if they aren't your main priority".

"That's shitty of them then" Felix scoffed, making you laugh, it was so easy talking to him he was much more relaxed even though he still looked like he should be on a runway with his perfectly tousled hair and designer look.

"I think your suits would be ready by now, it's been an hour Felix" you said finishing your coffee "I shouldn't take up anymore of your free time since you don't have that much of it".

"Nah, you can take up as much as you like but you still have dress shopping to finish, so will I see you tonight then?" He agreed, offering you his hand to help you to stand.

"Of course I will be in tonight and each night this week" you smiled as he walked you back towards the place you needed to be "See you tonight Felix" you waved before walking towards the escalator to find clothes you could actually afford to buy.

The rest of the day had been dull you had bought a tighter than normal floor length emerald green dress and a black mini dress in a satin fabric that reminded you of the mini that Felix had said he liked so buy the time you were packed up and ready to head to Club 143 to start your evening you weren't feeling nervous about having to meet so many different hosts to get a feel for how they liked working for Chan or how they became hosts in the first place because it felt like, in Felix, you had at least a friend on your side hoping for you to succeed. You had not bothered to dress in your work suit since you would be changing into more appropriate club attire before the night actually started so when you arrived in jeans and a sweater you were not expecting the almost same response as you had gotten the night before when you were far more dressed up.

"Looking good Miss R" Yunho called as you walked through the staff door with a large bag in tow.

"Hello Yunho, did you have an eventful night?" you called back knocking on Chan's door before wandering in when you got no answer and depositing your things in the corner he had said you could use.

"Yeah the only fun part was talking to you" he told you with a slightly flirtatious tinge in his voice.

"I'm sure" you chuckled as Chan appeared through the staff door from the bar.

"Ah good you're back, I was hoping last night didn't frighten you off" he teased dimples flashing as his own joke.

"Hyunjin tried his hardest but he couldn't chase me off. Sorry" you shrugged.

"Ooh immune to Hyunjin, you will be hard to win over" he scratched his chin in jest "but you met some of my hosts last night and tonight you will probably get to meet a few more but I have found a handful you haven't met yet if you wanted to talk to them about this place".

"That would be brilliant Chan, thank you" You smiled genuinely.

"I figured you can speak to our regular hosts as they float around before they start and if you wanted to join me for dinner I thought you might want to speak to Seungmin and Changbin" Chan continued please with your reactions.

"That sounds perfect. Who are the hosts for me to catch before they start?" you asked, remembering that Chan said he had thirty odd hosts who worked for him.

"I have asked San and Hongjoong to hang out with you on and off while everyone gets ready" he explained "I assume since there are bags in my office you will be getting ready here?"

"Yeah I figured I can get ready after the night has started so I don't take up too much space" you smiled.

"So like yesterday, make yourself at home and use whatever you need. I'm thinking of a slightly early dinner so I will come grab you if you like for that" Chan continued watching you closely.

"Oh that would be great if it isn't too much trouble for you I might get lost in what I'm writing otherwise" you agreed easily.

"Well I will leave you to your work then I'll send whichever of the boys is free and ready first your way" he grinned as you went to sit at one of the tables that littered the room getting out your laptop to start your work and figuring a coffee wouldn't go astray either at that point in the afternoon. You had been sipping your iced latte and going through photographers that you could get in to get the best shots of the club for your article. You hadn't even noticed the two suited up men making their way towards you.

"Miss R" the first one interrupted, breaking your concentration "Is now a good time for us to talk or would you like us to come back later?".

"Oh no, now is good" you blinked up at them as they took seats opposite you.

"I'm Hongjoong, and this is San" he continued smiling at you casually.

"Nice to meet you both" you greeted, remembering that San was the one that had collected Yunho the night before "Thank you for speaking with me" trying to not look like you had been totally floored by their good looks.

"Did you want to talk to us about why we started hosting?" San asked leisurely, leaning back on his chair.

"Yes but also about working for Chan and how you entertain your guests. It's a good way to sell your particular skills since you all seem to do things slightly differently" you explained.

"We can do that for you Miss R" Hongjoong grinned as you opened your notes and started listening to them. Both were very sweet so it was easy for you to get lost in the conversation until Chan reappeared at the table suited up and looking stupidly handsome.

"We are having dinner in a few. Did you still want to join us?" He grinned looking at how your eyes widened and you realized the time.

"Oh yes, yes I will change after if that is alright" you nodded, collecting your belongings together and thanking both the hosts for taking the time to talk to you. You followed Chan towards the elevator which took you both up to the fourth floor which was confusing to you.

"We are going to use this area tonight to give you a bit more time to chat since this area isn't open until after the bar" Chan explained, picking up on your train of thought instantly.

"How is it that you guys do that? Pick up what someone is thinking or feeling?" you narrowed your eyes at him in faux suspicion.

"We make our living on exploiting what women want, we wouldn't be very good at our jobs if we couldn't read you well" Seungmin sniggered as Chan pulled out a seat for you to sit in.

"That's very honest of you" you chuckled looking at him across the table.

"I'm Seungmin in case you haven't heard enough names over the past 24 hours" he smirked.

"Thank you for the reminder Seungmin, it isn't easy to talk to a dozen ridiculously handsome men without the added burden of remembering their names" you smiled dryly making Changbin laugh.

"He's just poking fun because he thinks he can" Chan sighed, giving Seungmin a look that you didn't quite understand.

"You can poke as much fun as you like Seungmin, I am after all just an interloper into your world" you continued smiling but pulled your face into the professional expression you used for work.

"I like you, you're way more fun than we expected" Changbin grinned casually as food started to arrive at the table.

"I took the liberty of ordering things you hadn't tried yet" Chan explained as you curled your brow at the plates in front of you, knowing that somehow he was responsible for it.

"So how does this all come together? Did you know each other before this? How do you make the jump from maybe I'll host to I'll escort on the side to, I'll open/work at an elite level like this?" You mused looking between them for clues to how this all worked because you had an inkling that at least the 8 core of elite hosts were closer and more equal than it first appeared.

"Well I told you how we came to open already but I'm assuming you want how we specifically found ourselves here?" Chan smirked already seeing that you had put more pieces together than he had supplied information for. You nodded as you put the first mouthful of souffle into your mouth before you paused savoring how good it was. 

"Well I met Chan years ago" Changbin started putting his fork down as he watched you eat a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips "We have been friends for years it was him that got me into hosting to begin with we were far younger then but it wasn't all that different except that working for other people meant a smaller cut of what you got paid but it was easy money while we were in uni".

"I met them later when I got a job as bar staff, not as a host at the same club. Jeongin was the same, we both became hosts at a different club later but we kept in touch" Seungmin added before taking another mouthful of pasta.

"So when and why did it jump from hosting to escorting?" you questioned letting Chan carve the large steak that was on the table and serve you a few slices.

"Why is easy, that was because the money was fantastic and being young and horny with easy access to women every night why not" Changbin laughed "The when was, I think just before my 21st birthday I had been hosting since I was 19 so I already learned all the skills I needed to flatter my way into that situation so why not get paid for it".

"Practical" you quipped sipping the wine that had been delivered to you "I mean why not get paid for what you like doing". All three of them laughed then as you didn't pass any judgment on them for their choices.

"This would be why everyone you have talked to so far is so enamored with you" Seungmin smirked, making your eyes widen in confusion.

"Excuse me?" you spluttered completely caught off guard.

"I agree doesn't judge openly and is oblivious to how she is seen by others" Changbin added as though it was an afterthought.

"I would respectfully call bullshit on that observation" you grumbled as your phone began ringing and your boss' name and number flashed across the screen "excuse me, my boss" you smiled. They nodded watching your change in demeanor as you answered the call mouthing thank yous to Chan.

"Good Evening Sir" you chirped, faking your enthusiasm to speak to him as you made your way across the room to the lift so you could slink out the back and get yourself ready.

"Your request for a photographer who can take artful photos is for what reason?" He gruffly demanded without greeting you.

"Well the bar is particularly attractive and last night alone I saw politicians wives, and half a dozen socialites if we can capture how beautiful and opulent it is we might be able to swing some fashion comments from them to boost out fashion pages and the male hosts here are very attractive the readers would very much like to have decent photos of them" you explained quickly trying to spin as much of a positive for him as you could even though you were wanting to move past him and to the editorials boss.

"If you can't take the photo's yourself then you can't expect us not to take the photographer fee from your paycheck" He continued telling you off subtly.

"Of course sir, I will do that instead sir" you swallowed as he hung up on you hoping that he would not be calling back with another complaint once you submitted the first draft of the editorial in a few days time. 

Stepping into Chan's office you locked the door and quickly slipped into the dress you had brought with you, after last night you had decided that you should also put a little more effort into your makeup so you blended in a little more so you weren't surprised by the knock at the door indicating you had taken longer than you should have.

"Sorry Chan" you apologized, unlocking the door and pulling it open coming face to face with Felix and Hyunjin.

"We meet again Miss R" Hyunjin purred playfully, taking your hand and kissing the back of it.

"Hello Hyunjin" you rolled your eyes at his dramatic flare.

"You look beautiful in emerald, it brings out your eyes" Felix smiled as you met his eyes instantly becoming transfixed with how beautiful he looked with his hair slightly tousled in a deep navy suit.

"Flirt" you mumbled shyly as Chan cleared his throat behind them both. 

"Sorry Chan, I didn't mean to take your office for so long" you apologized again as he chuckled.

"It's not a problem Miss R, shall we?" He offered you his arm in a friendly manner which you took before he led you out on the floor, missing the expression on both Felix or Hyunjin's faces but not the loud whoop of laughter that erupted as the door started to close.

Most of the second night was not as intense as the opening night less pomp and ceremony and far more rich women on a mission, you were content to sit on the second level watching the hosts come and go entertaining and the farewelling their guests, occasionally getting winks or nods of recognition before they dived back in for the next guests. You hadn't seen Felix, Hyunjin or Chan again during the course of the night but you had caught glimpses of Seungmin and Minho as their guests arrived and they escorted them upstairs but the more fly on the wall view of them working was making it much easier for you to think up how the start of your editorial would go and how you would sell the speakeasy bar of the enterprise at least. As the night wore on you found yourself more and more comfortable with the idea of being at Club 143 which was, you assumed at least, Chan's entire plan for you. He had welcomed you, fed you, given you access to his employees but you were struggling to actually figure out how you could justify the next few nights of sitting around observing when you really had probably gotten everything you needed. You made a note in your phone to speak with Chan about whether he had already had any professional photos taken of the place or his hosts that you would be able to use for the article.

After several hours had ticked by you made your way back towards Chan's office so you could change again and head home, entering the staff area you noticed there were a few of the boys sitting either having a break or getting ready to head back into the club.

"Miss R, you alright?" San called to you looking slightly concerned.

"I'm fine San, I just should be calling it a night" you smiled warmly back at him, his concern for you making you feel genuinely thankful. Entering Chan's office you collected your bag so you could change out of your dress and into your jeans again.

"Did you want me to grab you a car to take you back home? I'm sure Chan would want to make sure you were safe" he continued appearing at the open office door.

"That's too kind of you San" you chuckled as he made his way towards you to help you with the bag, taking it effortlessly from you and offering you his arm.

"I know I'm not Felix or Hyunjin but I still would like you to get home safely" He joked guiding you to the back entrance to the building to where the cars were and once again you found yourself being helped into a black luxury car "See you tomorrow Miss R" he grinned shutting the door for you to let the driver get you home.

After getting a decent night's sleep you decided it would be better to get as much of the draft done as possible so you could run through any final questions you had with Chan later that night. You were sure you had enough now to be able to write the article without needing to spend a full week taking up Chan or any of the others further time and preventing them making the full amount they should for an opening week, and if Chan had photo's of at least the hosts that you could use the article would be pretty much done and could go off to the editor to go over. Without meaning to, you managed to work all the way to lunch time before getting your things back together to head back to Club 143 for perhaps the last time depending on whether you needed to add any extra information to your editor, or Chan for that matter, request.

Arriving at 12:30 you made your way through the empty bar after being greeted by the doorman and waving to the bar staff who were preparing for the night's service. Making your way into the staff area you were surprised to find Chan meeting with some of his top hosts making you pause as you closed the door behind you.

"Miss R, you return to us again" Hyunjin smiled, waggling his eyebrows at you.

"I promise I will be out of your hair soon Hyunjin" you smirked watching him deflate slightly and the others to laugh.

"Hopefully not to soon" Chan grinned standing to take your bag and place it in his office "Come join us it will give you some more insight" he gestured for you to take a chair somewhere in the room so you did without argument, partly because you were being paid to learn about his business and partly because the closest empty chair happened to be besides Felix totally missing the look Chan gave the others as you sat yourself down and got your phone ready to take notes.

"We have been discussing how the first two nights went" Seungmin added, making you look up at him in case he was going to continue.

"It has been pretty profitable" Felix added easily.

"Have the ladies down stairs been interested in meeting the more exclusive hosts?" Chan asked, turning to you.

"Of course they have, have you not watched them just about drool every time they see any of you?" you chuckled knowing that they knew damn well how they were being received.

"Told you" Changbin smirked looking at Chan "Miss R is a professional, she sees things the same way we do".

"It's a different point of view to ask a woman though" Chan half smiled before looking back at you. "How have you found it though you have spent time in the bar, the third and fourth floors is this place a worthy use for your time if you weren't writing an editorial about us?". 

You paused thinking exactly how you should answer such a loaded question.

"I think you have achieved what you set out to do, the bar is beautiful you feel welcomed and safe there, your hosts are handsome and all slightly different so you can cater to a thousand different women's fantasies without much trouble and from what you have shown me so far the actual host experience is very enjoyable so I think any woman would enjoy it here" you explained watching him as you did you could tell he was very pleased with your answer but you could feel that he wanted just a little bit more from you.

"As much as all of that is exactly what I wanted to hear you missed on little detail" he smiled roguishly, his host persona peeking through "Would you want to spend time here if it wasn't for your job?"  

"Yes, I would come to the bar at least" you replied, careful to keep some of your professional face on so that you didn't need to admit to the fact that you could never afford their services.

"But you wouldn't use the host service?" Seungmin pushed which made you quirk your eyebrow at him.

"I'm not sure the smoke and mirrors are going to be all that believable now that I have seen what's behind it" you shrugged "Plus I'm not sure if you have noticed but you boys are expensive". They laughed loudly at that leaving you hoping that they thought you were joking about their costs.

"Well I guess we will have to set you up some proper host experiences for you over the next few days" Hyunjin smirked at you but his eyes filled with mischief.

"Are you going to tease me about level 5 the whole time I'm here?" you pouted dramatically, rolling your eyes.

"Honestly it might be good if we have you try hosts from each of the tiers so you can write which sort of experience you can get at each level to make it obvious we are only super exclusive at the top end of the scale." Chan agreed, looking at you to gauge your reaction "If that is alright with you I can give you a rough price estimate of each encounter and you can see if it meets the experience you have" he scratched the back of his neck as he continued to watch you.

"That's actually very sensible if you want me to include all the services you have here but if you only want me writing about the first tier or two of the hosts to leave the others more exclusive you wouldn't need to bother setting up more than one or maybe two hosts willing to waste their time with me" you nodded "as long as they will still be paid properly I will feel endlessly guilty stealing their earning time on me".

"Oh they will all be paid, it's for the editorial and therefore good for the overall job we will all be doing so don't worry about them but I think Hyunjin might be right you should sample all the levels so you can experience what each type of guest can expect". Chan mused before getting out his phone to check the booking calendar. "I'll put you with San tonight or perhaps Yunho depending on their bookings, you can be on level 3 then with one of us on level 4 the same and if we get you to agree maybe you could see another room on level 5". You knew your face flushed at his final statement but you couldn't help it. You couldn't escape the connotations that level 5 was going to lead to a full host experience including sex if you agreed and although it was incredibly tempting you didn't know if morally you should. "So you would get the same treatment as our most elite clientele who cannot be seen on the lower floors" Chan finished.

"That is a huge out of pocket cost to you Chan I couldn't possibly accept that" you almost stuttered covering it by clearing your throat.

"I insist, really I should have thought of that sooner" Chan sighed looking back at you with a soft expression "I have San for you tonight so you will get the first tier host experience tonight he has a free opening that you can fill as a favor".

"The last favor I did for you I ended up tipsy" you bit your lips embarrassed.

"That's exactly how the experiences should be though" Hyunjin grinned again, looking like he had won some sort of grand prize.

The rest of the afternoon was spent going over photos with Chan that he had already had taken that you could use for the editorial. Most were only of the establishment that sold how opulent it was so that made your life a little easier to be able to write about each different area and show what was to be expected. The photos of the hosts however were going to be a little more difficult, Chan had given you a hard drive that contained photos of each of the hosts in his employment and not you needed to pick which ones you wanted. You knew you would obviously need to use one of Chan but then should you just use pictures of the hosts you were going to see as part of this experiment or should you pick the most enticing pictures you could find. Unwittingly you stumbled onto some which were virtually softcore porn, some of the escorting hosts had done a series of photos to show off their bodies to entice customers, Hyunjin with his suit jacket off and his shirt open, Chan in just his suit pants his tie undone and hanging loosely around his neck, Changbin flexing his large muscular arms and Felix laying in silk sheets looking sinful. You could feel your face heating up but you couldn't stop staring at him, Felix even in this far more sensual pose was still so painfully beautiful that you didn't want to stop looking even though you knew you shouldn't be seeing him like that.

Shaking your head to clear the lust that was begging to cloud your eyes you walked to Chan's office to see if it was empty so you could get ready, it was now almost opening hours and you couldn't be late to your appointment with San. That would be most rude. You slipped into a royal blue satin dress that was simple yet flattering to emphasized your hips and chest while remaining not too low cut or short so appropriate you figured to be just another guest in a bar and not someone begging for attention, you fixed your makeup adding to what you were already wearing and returned to the waiting room to pack up your laptop and notes. Stepping back into the room you heard a soft whistle.

"Each dress makes you look more enchanting than the last" Felix smiled, taking your hand and twirling you.

"Thank you Felix, I thought I should look a bit more expensive since I'm spending a week here, don't want to make the place look shabby" you grinned feeling thrilled with his compliment.

"You always look beautiful" Felix reassured "and San is a lucky boy tonight getting to spend his time with you, we are all very jealous he whispered leaning in as though he was telling you secret information.

"I doubt I'm that interesting to him Felix" you chuckled, feeling warmth spreading through you at his words and the feeling of his breath on your skin.

"I was wondering if you wanted to get another coffee tomorrow? Before you have to come in to work some more" He asked softly without the host bravado that he showed out on the floors above.

"I would like that very much" you nodded, catching your bottom lip in your teeth as nerves suddenly set into your stomach.

"Can I have your number to text you so we can organize it?" he continued smoothly, seeming more confident at your reaction, handing you his phone you added your details and gave it back to him quickly. "Can I escort you out to find San?" he offered easily, his arm already in position for you to take.

"Thank you Felix" you grinned, taking his arm and allowing him to lead you out into the bar. 

San stood casually by the bar and appeared to be scanning the room for you as his eyes stopped on you the moment you appeared with Felix, smiling at him nervously you made your way over to him only for Felix to lean in and whisper something in his ear before turning his attention back to you.

"Enjoy your evening Miss R" he grinned cheekily allowing San to take his place at your side moving back into the crowd you assumed to tend to his own booked guest.

"You look gorgeous Miss R" San drawled softly his arm slipping behind you to guide you towards the stairs "We will be heading up to level 3 tonight so that I can thoroughly indulge your every whim"

"Thank you San" you almost blushed at the seductive tone his voice had taken on "you look very attractive yourself". With his arm wrapped protectively around your waist he led you to and from the elevator into the booth that had been arranged for you, it seemed to be further back towards the bar which seemed to give off the illusion of even more privacy as he pulled the curtains around you after helping you into the booth. The deep red velvet absorbing the outside noise enough for you to almost feel like you were alone with San.

Reaching just behind you, San pushed a discreet button which summoned a waiter with a bottle of chilled wine and San discreetly thanked him before pouring you a glass.

"So Miss R, tell me about you, tell me about what you have always wanted" San smiled one eyebrow raised

"You know about my job already San" you blinked wondering where he was going with this.

"Not your job, about what you want in life, kitten your future" he chuckled softly, his eyes trained on you with a softness that made you feel safe.

"I want to be a serious journalist, it’s still pretty male dominated in the world of journalism and women don’t seem to get a look in when it comes to crime reporting or heavier news. We are always left with lifestyle and beauty and I want more than that” you answered sincerely letting your guard down a little knowing that San wouldn’t admonish you for having aspirations.

“Aren’t you a serious journalist now? Looking into the seedy underbelly of hosting?” he smiled slyly leaning back into the plush velvet seat back and extending his arm behind you.

“That’s not what this is San, and you know it” you almost sighed knowing that he was only playing his role.

“I know but you are still taking your job seriously and working diligently on this editorial, I know your work will be noticed, how could it not be?” he encouraged, letting his arm drop from the top of the seat to sitting comfortably around your waist. You shivered unintentionally at his touch even through the layers of fabric that separated your skin, it was becoming very clear why Chan’s hosts were as in demand as they were.

“What do you want to do in your life, San?” you tilted your head to look at him through your fluffy eyelashes. 

“Being a host can have a short shelf life depending on how good you are” he explained gesturing around you both “you have more options if you move into a more companion business but it's not guaranteed” he shrugged casually as he finished topping up your glass.

“Companionship?” you knew it was probably a dumb question but you had to ask.

“Escorting” he chuckled watching your face change to one of understanding “guys like Chan or Minho will stay handsome well into their 30s and 40s so they can continue the work for as long as they like. But hosts have to be young to flatter the woman seeing them that's part of the fantasy”.

“So is escorting the plan then?” You questioned breezily hoping it wouldn't come across as an interview.

“Maybe, or I could open my own place” he smirked cheekily “would you visit me if I did?”

“San!” you fake gasped clutching invisible pearls at your throat “how scandalous”. You dissolved into giggles that were helped along by the bubbles you were drinking.

“Well I'll take that as a yes” he laughed heartily, shifting himself closer to your side and another waiter appeared through the curtain to deliver another bottle of wine. “What else do you have planned for your life? It can’t be all work and no play?” 

“I want to travel. I want to see as much of the world as I can. So Paris, Milan, Prague, Rio, Nepal I want to see everything. But mostly I want to find someone who won't push me into a life I don't want" you replied slowly each thought coming out of your mouth without being filtered by your better judgment as the rapport you felt with San felt real even if that was just the alcohol and his excellent acting.

"I would love to travel too" San nodded, "I would love to see the world with you" , his sly smile feeling very flirty as you sipped from your glass.

"With me?" you blinked the wine making its way through your system and removing a little more of your inhibitions.

"Of course a beautiful woman like you should be fed dessert in fancy restaurants, doted on completely while shopping and being bought every single thing that brings you joy, and worshiped nightly in every place you wanted to stay. How could any man not want to be the one giving you that life" San purred, sliding himself closer to you so he was now touching you with the whole side of his body, the warmth from his chest seeping through his suit and into you "I couldn't think of a more enjoyable way to spend my time than making love to you in moonlight in Paris or Prague".

You swallowed hard, your surprise was probably obvious to San but after a moment you remembered this was an act, San was being paid to charm you and say all the right things. Once again he topped up your glass, when he lent closer to speak to you his breath fanned across your skin giving you goosebumps at the thought.

"You are very good at this San" you smiled, turning slightly more towards him.

"But not that good as you can still see what I'm doing" he chuckled, breaking the sexy character slightly and showing the more playful side that you had already met.

"I wouldn't say that I was very swept up" you admitted softly making him grin further "But I should be letting you get back to actual paying guests".

"Stay just a little longer no unnecessary flirting I promise" San faux pouted before breaking into a grin.

"Oh no don't pout like that I can't say no to that face" you giggled the wine now making you feel a little less professional and a little more cheeky.

"Ah I found a weakness" he almost crowed proudly "I will have to make sure the following guys know".

"You wouldn't betray me like that would you San" you pouted in return trying not to laugh as his eyes widened at your reaction.

"You are not meant to get upset" he whined as you melted into giggles.

"Happily tipsy looks very, very good on you" San quipped once again leaning back into the plush fabric of the booth.

"You're being paid to say that" you challenged, raising your eyebrow at him before leaning towards him "It's nice to be flattered though".

"I'm not being paid to tell you the truth I'm paid to make a fantasy and this isn't fantasy" San replied honestly as a new waiter reappeared with a tray containing several dishes that you weren't expecting San instantly picked up on your confusion his pretty laugh filling the booth "Chan wanted you to have a full experience and with our level of host that includes dinner so he ordered for you, I hope that is alright".

"Of course he did" you rolled your eyes making San's laughter continue "that man knows no limits when it comes to flaunting the sense of opulence does he?".

"He does but he wants to make sure you can write a proper review and that is worth every cent to him" San's eyes were still crinkled into attractive little moons.

"I do appreciate where he is coming from but surely he knows I am writing a favorable editorial by now" you continued watching San carefully watching for any sort of tell to show he was being disingenuous.

"I'll be honest I figured you would stop staying after the opening hours if you hated it. Just do your interviews then leave" he shrugged carefully, portioning a fork full of lobster that he then brought to your mouth to try, his other hand hovering under your chin to catch anything that might fall. Strangely enough you found yourself opening your mouth for him to place the lobster against your tongue before grinning at you.

"I forget you are all strangely perceptive about women" you lopsidedly grinned savoring the delicious buttery taste “Is feeding me also part of the experience?”

"It's all part of the deal kitten" San laughed lightly winking at you for dramatic effect. You ate the rest of the meal chatting with San about anything and everything before letting him lead you back downstairs where he told you Chan had arranged a car to get you home, because Chan really did think of everything.

Waking slowly, after having more drinks in the past week than you were used to, you were very happy to write the rest of your editorial, you had everything you were going to need you would just add a few bits and pieces about the experiences that Chan had decided to give you but the rest, including the photographs, was now ready to be fully drafted and read over by one of your editors. You attached the draft to an email saying that there was still one more page that needed to be done but that they could go over the first few and the photos that Chan had graciously provided to make sure that it was what they were looking for before you started getting ready for your day and your potential coffee catch up with Felix. 

Getting together your outfit for the day and choosing your outfit for that night was a very strange experience. You had been dressing yourself with a little more care to spend your days looking as nice as you possibly could but picking your outfit for the evenings had so far been a little daunting, it was a need to look the part of the patron so that everything looked normal to anyone who viewed you in Club 143 but also wanting to look attractive and even a little sexy just because you wanted to see how whoever you were paired with would react. Each outfit had been a little more daring; the emerald dress you had been far more form fitting around your chest, the blue had flattered your figure making you feel more womanly and tonight’s outfit was a form fitting silky burgundy dress with fine straps and a low cut back and a slit up the thigh. 

Arriving at Club 143 after lunch you had still not heard from Felix but it didn’t really surprise you he had been booked out every single night you had been there to observe and he must have been needing to catch up on sleep. You continued through the bar waving to the staff you had already seen several times and making your way to Chan’s office to drop off your things before making yourself comfortable in the normal corner of the waiting room. It was still quiet none of the hosts had arrived yet and you passed the time talking to the bar staff and writing up thoughts that you could flesh out later about the next level of host experience, even though you were yet to find out who you were going to be paired with. Chan arrived two hours later and waved as he passed you talking on the phone to someone before entering his office and closing the door.

“All by yourself again?” a very familiar voice asked from the doorway behind you.

“I guess I am Felix, how was your night?” You smiled to yourself before turning your head towards him.

“It was work-like” he shrugged, plopping himself down in the chair opposite you.

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” you mused furrowing your eyebrows as you took in his appearance, he was still beautiful as ever but his eyes looked a little more downcast than you had seen them before.

“Both I guess” he sighed “It was profitable but it was just going through the motions, some nights are just more routine than others although I rarely have interesting ones” he admitted, his eyes flicking downwards before making contact with yours again.

“I never really thought about how all this must just be a day at the office for you guys, not everyday being enjoyable, some just tedious” you frowned slightly, the few glimpses you had been given of the darker side of the job were very unappealing to you.

“It’s not that any of us hate it” Felix countered “It’s just that it can get monotonous the same vapid women, the same fake interactions, the same facade over and over again but there are always going to have perks most of the time it's very easy to still see the attractive woman underneath who just wants to feel worshiped but sometimes you do come across women who you cannot find a single good quality about”.

“Hmm” you hummed not really knowing what to say. It made you feel a bit awful that there were nights that he had to pretend to feel attracted to someone and then have sex with them even though he had no interest in them.

“Let's talk about something else” he smiled trying to pick the mood back up “maybe we should have that coffee now” 

“Sure” you nodded hoping you would be able to perhaps make him feel a little better. Felix got up and went towards the kitchens to ask them for coffee you assumed and you were back to being alone saving your notes for later you decided to perhaps email Chan a draft copy of what you had written but he was still in his office so you didn’t want to disturb his work. Felix returned and offered his hand to you.

“Come on, follow me” with a mischievous glimmer in his eye you took his hand and allowed him to lead you to the elevator where he quickly swiped his key card before hitting the button to the fifth floor.

“Felix, where are you taking me?” you whispered a small smile tugging at the corners of your lips.

“Do you trust me?” he grinned impishly, not giving you any further explanation.

“Yes” you answered instantly, surprising even yourself by your own admission.

“Then you will see when we get there” he teased stepping closer to you. The door dinged and opened showing you the navy blue hallway that Can had shown you once before. Taking your hand in his again he beckoned you to follow him until he stopped at door 3, the room you had already seen briefly. “I’m not breaking any rules in showing you the room you have already seen” he soothed after noticing the slight trepidation in your eyes.

“You can read everything about me can’t you?” you contemplated following him into the room where there were already two hot coffees and two pieces of cake waiting for you in the lounge area of the large room.

“Not everything which is why you are so interesting” Felix clarified “Your honesty is what masks things from us, we all find it fascinating that you can see through the act without much trouble but also never judge us or behave as though you are better than us”.

“That’s because I am not better than you” you uttered feeling a little confused “I’m just a person like you Felix, like all the guys that work here”. You sat at one end of the lounge opposite him taking your cup and sipping from it.

“That right there is why every host here wants to have their five minutes to talk to you” he grinned toothily “A few sentences and you make us all feel better about a world of different things”.

“You are being too kind” you argued softly.

“You are selling yourself short” he shot back the dazzling smile still on his face “We had several media sources wanting to cover this opening mostly because it aligns them with the powerful women who come here whether they are CEO’s in their own right or the wives and girlfriends of powerful men. All of them spoke with Chan but you were the only one who didn’t speak down to him as though he was just another whore. You treated Chan with respect and with honest interest which is why your publication got the job”. Felix’s explanation hit you like a truck. You had been the one to volunteer for the position to pitch the editorial and also write it when your boss had mentioned it and your coworkers had seemed to have no interest but you hadn’t realized that there were other media companies vying for the same editorial.

“Who else did he speak to?” you asked concerned that maybe the job would have been done better by one of your competitors and Chan had only settled for you.

“SM Media Inc, KQ Publishing, YG Multimedia Co. None of them would have done as good a job as you” he shrugged again eating a mouthful of cake.

“Well I’m pleased he wanted me for the job. I'll send him the article before it’s published so he can go over it” you nodded slowly considering how you would get away with changing the editorial you had already sent in for viewing if he hated it. Felix laughed heartily, he seemed to be taking great pleasure in watching the cogs move around in your head.

“So tell me what else you do in your life Felix? I want to know something you have not told me yet” you smirked, making him stop laughing and turn serious again.

Returning back downstairs you found that half a dozen other hosts had arrived including Hyunjin who blew you a kiss as you walked past him, and also that Chan had emerged from his office. He stood from behind his desk and wandered into the waiting room as he noticed you pass by his office doorway

“So I realized that it might be a better idea to let you choose who you would like for your last host experience” Chan smiled kindly watching you take a seat and log yourself back into your laptop to continue working.

“Oh really? I assumed it would be whoever didn't have a booking” you blinked looking at him with curiosity as he continued over to where you were sitting.

“Well if I asked for volunteers I think Hyunjin would have fallen over himself to put his name down, and I'll admit I wouldn't mind it being me either but it should be your choice so you are totally comfortable” he continued a slight glint in his eye making you unsure if he was teasing you or not while Hyunjin nodded vigorously just behind him

“Well who have you decided I'll be seeing tonight?” you raised your eyebrow at him.

“Tonight you're with yours truly” he grinned smugly, making Hyunjin and Seungmin roll their eyes in unison.

“Let me think about it then” you smiled, laughter coloring your voice as you began typing up a few more notes.

“Booking is at 9 Miss R” he chuckled, heading back towards his office door.

“I won’t be late” you called after him.

You started changing at 8 o’clock sharpe so that you would have enough time to get your hair and makeup sorted as well as changing. Chan was nowhere to be seen so you assumed he was out on one of the floors or entertaining another guest which allowed you to take your time. When you finally emerged it was almost time for you to meet him so you opened his office door and stepped into the waiting room.

“Woah!” Jeongin whistled, looking you up and down slowly.

“Thank you Jeongin” you flushed slightly, your hands moving to smooth invisible wrinkles in the fabric.

“Would you like an escort to find Chan?” he offered a wide smile, his eyes turning into pleasant little moons as he offered his arm to you.

“Actually, yes please” you breathed knowing that he would probably see your nerves if you tried to hide them.

“You don’t need to be nervous Miss R. Chan doesn’t bite unless you ask him to and even then you would need to ask nicely” Jeongin joked trying to alleviate your fears.

I’ll try to remember that for the editorial then” you laughed lightly feeling slightly better.

Stepping onto the level 4 with Jeongin was a little odd. You could still see Changbin and Han entertaining two girls who looked like sisters in one booth and Minho leading his client towards another booth. The curtains of two others were pulled closed already meaning they were full but all the others were only half closed or still empty. 

“Here you go Miss R, step this way” Jeongin pulls aside one of the half pulled curtains to reveal Chan in all his glory leaning against the side of the booth watching the empty portions of the room.

“Not even a second late” Chan chuckled, offering you his hand to take as Jeongin winked at you before leaving. Helping you to get comfortably seating he moved to pull the curtain closed giving you a single glimpse of Felix who was looking straight at you, eyes wide, and distinctly not at the woman beside him who looked every bit the beautiful and rich CEO, his slight frown before the curtain separated you leaving you with an odd feeling in the pit of your stomach.

“So gorgeous, are you ready for me?” Chan’s velvety voice surrounded you like honey as you turned your face towards him. You had obviously spent time with Chan, you had even seen the professional photos that they had all had taken but it hit you like a lightning strike just how easy it would be to be wooed by him in this setting.

“You look devine tonight” he purred, sliding a little closer to you, watching you closely he slowly took your hand to kiss the inside of your wrist “you also don’t need to be nervous”.

“I was told you wouldn’t bite unless I asked you nicely” you tilted your head to gauge his reaction.

“For you I would do anything if you asked me nicely or not” you raised one eyebrow almost challengingly making you swallow hard and your eyes widened slightly.

“Good to know” you breathed a flush creeping across your cheeks.

“I was told by a reputable source that you like sweet things” he continued with a teasing smile gracing his handsome face as a waiter appeared with a tray of cocktails “so I took some liberties and ordered you some dessert”.

Placing down two cocktails you could see quite obviously that Chan had asked the others what you had drank, eaten and spoken about because the chocolate martini that was for you was very close to a favorite drink of yours.

“Thank you Chan” you whispered, picking up your glass to sip at it, your mouth suddenly very dry.

“I also heard you do not want to be placed in a cage” his dark cinnamon eyes made you feel like he could see into your soul.

“San has loose lips it seems” you added the corners of your mouth twitching as his grin increased.

“No, I am just incredibly persuasive when it comes to you” he advised sipping his own drink which to you looked very much the opposite of your drink. Chan seemed very good at keeping you somewhere between flustered and hypnotized but after a few more moments your brain caught up.

“I can see the difference now, from level three to level 4” you admitted coyly relaxing your posture slightly “San was particularly good but you are exceptional at this”. Chan faulted slightly before breaking into a breathtaking grin.

“I have to say you are quite remarkable at seeing through the act, it’s a bit of a rare gift” he hummed approvingly “Had to admit it’s a little bit of a turn on actually”. You coughed as you almost inhaled your drink at his words making him chuckle at you.

“Did you actually say that or did I imagine that?” you sniffed trying to regain your composure.

“No I said it, Hyunjin told me it was a completely different feeling watching you see straight through our usual way of working and I get now why he wanted to take you upstairs” Chan divulged “San let me know that you were the most fun he has had so far and you seem to have bewitched our little Felix”. Your jaw dropped slightly allowing Chan to slide closer to you lifting one finger to shut it again for you his fingers then moving to grasp your chin gently tilting your face towards his. It felt magnetic like you were being drawn closer to him every second but the illusion was shattered when you heard a loud shrill laugh from somewhere outside the curtained bubble you were in.

“I think perhaps I need another drink” you murmured as Chan dropped his hand away from you. He tilted his head slightly and a waiter appeared as if summoned, although you were sure CHan was just more subtle about the button to call the staff than San.

“Can we have another round and bring dessert this time please” Chan instructed smoothly not moving away from you instead slipping out of his jacket, leaving him in only a black shirt with no tie.

“The drink isn’t dessert then?” you mused, thinking he had been mentioning the sweet drink earlier.

“No I have something far more substantial for you, after all I need to leave a sweet taste in your mouth from the experience” he flirted effortlessly knowing that the choice of words would push you just a little.

“Still hoping I’ll come back after this editorial is done then?” you teased back knowingly

“Oh I have no doubt you will come back, I’m hoping to sway you to come back to level 3 or 4” he cheekily retorted, his dimples shining.

“Well Mr Bang that all depends on what you have got for me?” you giggled as the waiter reappeared and stopped Chan’s comeback in its tracks. Placing down another martini for you excused himself to collect the rest of Chan’s request. Moments later he reappeared with a tray full of what looked like chocolate truffles and strawberries dusted with gold flakes.

“As with San last night I like to go all out” Chan grinned like a cat that got the cream “We get these in from France they are made with the finest Swiss chocolate and the best French champagne”. He lifted one off the tray and brought it to your lips which you opened keeping your eyes locked on his. He was right they were the most delicious chocolate you had ever eaten and you were quite alright with the idea of sitting drinking your martini with him feeding you, but you assumed that was due to the rather strong cocktail you had already drunk and the one you were about to start. You continued chatting to Chan a little more casually after he started hand feeding you strawberries and chocolate until you had accidentally had a third martini and your head was actually fuzzy.

“Would you like another drink or would you like something else?” Chan murmured sensually his lips only inches from your ear.

“I think I’m good” you smiled lazily, enjoying the warmth of his breath on your neck.

“I’m sure you are very good gorgeous, but that wasn’t what I meant” he quipped leaning in closer so his lips brushed your earlobe making you involuntarily shudder “I love that you are so eager to please, such a perfect little tease”.

Your brain wasn’t fast enough to react with wit instead opting to just hum and let him get even closer to you, being ever the gentleman Chan gave you time to respond between each gentle touch of his fingers running down you bare back, each brush of his lips against your skin until you were almost embarrassingly pliant.

“Tell me to stop and I will, gorgeous” he whispered huskily in your ear before actually pressing his lips to your neck making you gasp softly turning your head toward him. Following the line of your jaw Chan kissed his way to you lips each one slightly more passionate than the last until his lips pressed against yours. His soft plump lips felt stupidly good against your own especially when he dragged your bottom lip between them using his teeth and making you sigh with pleasure, his tongue traced the seam of your lips teasing you and hoping you would allow entrance which you did too caught up in the moment and the alcohol to be thinking quick enough to stop yourself. 

“Mmm… wait Chan stop” you slurred slightly as he broke away from your lips to kiss his way to your earlobe, your brain finally registering what you were doing. To his immense credit Chan did stop instantly removing not only his lips and hands from you but also sliding away from you so you were no longer touching.

“I apologize” he replied instantly “I didn't mean to overstep”.

“You didn’t, not really, I’m just a little too drunk for this to be a good idea” you admitted trying to shift the alcohol from your brain so you could think better.

“I will get you a car home” Chan smiled genuinely, his eyes shining with something that looked a little like admiration and a little like affection.

“Thank you” you swallowed as Chan moved to help you stand from the booth, steadying you by wrapping his arm around your waist as he walked you to the elevator. Moving past the tables you saw the booth that Felix was in earlier still occupied which gave you a strange sense of relief that he was still on this floor and not the one above but that was shattered we the curtain opened and you saw him, his arms wrapped around his patron feeding her strawberries the same way Chan had fed them to you. You looked away quickly hoping that both Chan and Felix would not notice but you had a feeling that Chan already had as he pulled you slightly tighter against his side as the elevator doors opened stepping inside you turned towards the closing doors to see Felix’s face fall as his eyes landed on you for the brief moment before the door separated you both.

Chan led you to his office to collect your things, easily carrying both your bags on one of his arms making sure you were stable enough to not hurt yourself. He mentioned to the driver that he was to escort you into the building and help you with your bags before taking your hand in his and kissing your knuckles.

“We will see you tomorrow Ms R” he beamed, helping you with your seatbelt even though it was unnecessary.

“But we haven’t talked about tomorrow’s host experience” you protested, suddenly aware that you hadn’t even discussed the topic properly yet. You felt yourself flush, hoping that Chan wouldn't notice it over the pink already dusting your cheeks from the alcohol you had been drinking.

“Good thing I had already put him aside for you then” his eyes twinkled as he spoke and his dimples were on full display.

“What?” You stammered “I haven’t told you yet”.

“I know, Felix asked to host you if you requested him and I figured you would. You seem to have already formed an attachment to each other” He continued before chuckling.

“Goodnight Chan'' you mumbled a tad embarrassed that you were so transparent to him.

“Goodnight Miss R” Chan replied teasingly, shutting the door and allowing the driver to take you home.

The following morning was not as pleasant as the previous few mornings, you woke up nursing a headache and a mortifying recollection of embarrassing events where you had almost let yourself take things too far with Chan then practically told him of your little crush on Felix, which you realized the night before was exactly that, a crush, there was no way that you would ever entertain the idea that a grown woman like yourself would end up with a silly little crush on a man you were writing about. It was the least professional thing you had ever done and now you needed to turn up at the same place that he worked and face not only him but his boss who knew about it. You needed to distract yourself. You needed coffee and something sweet for breakfast then perhaps you would feel better.

You washed up and got dressed into a simple shirt and jeans before venturing out for the sustenance you needed to help with your predicament. You knew deep down you hadn’t actually done anything wrong, the host experience is to sell a fantasy of feeling loved or desired or more often than not both and that every single one of Chan’s hosts lived up to that. Each fantasy they created absolutely made you feel that the average woman they saw would have been totally swept off her feet by them. You, once tipsy, were almost swept up in it too so you knew they were good, you knew they were worth the money but still a little part of you was sad it was all just a fantasy and potentially the hosts themselves were not as happy as they seemed.

Your constant thoughts had made you almost miss the door to the cafe you were heading to. It was almost a twenty minute walk from your apartment but the coffee was so good you would happily make the trip. Moving your way through the few filled tables you found yourself an empty seat and sat down looking through your phone as you waited to order. The quiet chatter and the smell of freshly ground coffee gave you some much needed comfort after your order was taken sitting staring into space. You barely registered your phone's message alert, checking it you noticed it was from an unknown number, you frowned but opened it anyway.

 Hey. It’s Felix, are you alright after last night? I saw you leave the floor with Chan so I wanted to check in.

 You read it twice to make sure you had read it correctly then smiled of course the first text he sent you and it’s asking about your welfare, he was too sweet for his own good and that was the problem. He was otherworldly beautiful and far too sweet which of course is what made him so successful as a host, but it also made him too attractive to you. Sighing you thought about how you would reply you didn’t want to sound like it was a flippant thing given he was concerned but you didn’t want him to think the worse either.

Hi Felix, I’m ok just nursing a little bit of a headache but I’ll be fine by the time I head in this afternoon. I hope you had a successful night.

You put your phone down to concentrate on the pancakes that had been delivered to you. The sugar and dough no doubt likely to help with how you felt you would just need to remember to pace yourself a little bit better tonight.

That’s great, I’m glad you’re feeling alright. I know Chan has a tendency to be a little intense sometimes, especially on the 5th floor. I saw on my schedule you're with me tonight so I’ll do my best to keep you entertained :) 

You stopped completely, almost dropping your fork, as you looked over the message coughing when some of the pancake you were eating went down the wrong way. Felix had assumed you had gone upstairs and had sex with Chan. Your stomach dropped, you didn’t want any of them thinking that you had, but especially Felix, because you hadn’t. Sipping some water you blinked the stray moisture from your eyes that the coughing fit had caused and pressed the call button.

“Sorry to call Felix but this is easier to explain than text” you blurted as soon as he answered his phone.

“That’s fine Miss R, you sound stressed, are you sure you feel well?” he asked, his voice sounding concerned against the noise in the background of his surroundings. 

“I really am fine, just a headache, but I had to correct you. I didn't go to level 5 last night. I got a little too tipsy and Chan took me downstairs to put me in a car to get me home. I swear nothing happened with Chan” You explained your tone at a higher pitch than normal making you sip your water again to soothe your throat.

“It’s fine if you did, I wouldn’t judge you for that the way you don’t judge me” Felix reassured you, sounding almost relieved if you were honest with yourself. You let out a large breath making him chuckle slightly.

“I didn’t want you to think the wrong thing that’s all but about tonight Chan told me that I would be able to be in with you since you had an opening which I was surprised about actually” you admitted shyly a flush decorating your neck as you spoke.

“Oh you requested me then” he teased sweetly “Well I’m happy to be your first pick and I’m glad I had an opening”.

“I will see you tonight then Felix” you added not knowing what else to say.

“You will Miss R” he replied, hanging up instantly and leaving you staring at your phone. God, you felt even more embarrassed calling him to assure him you hadn’t had sex with anyone, in public, when he didn’t even seem to mind. You finished your breakfast quickly before returning home so you could overthink every word you had said over the past week while you picked out the final outfit from your closet for your final night at Club 143.

You settled on the outfit that most made you think of Felix a black off the shoulder mini dress with a flippy hem, like the one you had tried on in the department store the morning you had run into him, and simple black pumps. You decided you would just add some winged eyeliner to your everyday look and maybe some bolder lipstick to take it from regular working to host experience working and hoped it would be enough to make a slight impression on Felix so that he would at least potentially remember you after the night was over and you had left his life. Furrowing your brow you looked at yourself in the mirror your bag packed behind you on the bed to change and your simple jeans and a square necked top you were utterly plain compared to every single host you had met, and although they had all been sweet and accommodating during the past week with them you couldn’t help feel a little sad it was over. You did suppose that Chan had a point you could always just attend Club 143 as a patron you didn’t need to buy their time you could always just say hello in passing and pretend that it was enough, pretend it didn’t feel strange that they pretended so well to almost become friends to actually not be at all.

Collecting your bags you made your way back to work taking the slow and scenic way wandering the neighboring streets to see what else was around. Finally making your way into the main entrance you were greeted like you had been before by Chan’s bar and floor staff before entering into the staff area to set up your laptop with the final bits of writing you would need to add. It was later than you normally showed up and Chan was in his office with several of his elite hosts so you just bypassed his office for now. Your editor had sent back a few tweaks for you to make to the editorial but was overall quite supportive and approving of what you had come up with so it was just finishing up the experience with San and writing out Chan’s before finishing it all tomorrow and submitting it. For the final draft stages. You started typing, noting to yourself to add a head shot of both San and Yunho to hopefully further their customer base as a thank you for their time, only to hear a huge roar of laughter from Chan’s office making you jump. 

“Miss R” Seungmin sang as he wandered out of the office towards you. “Could you join us for a moment?”.

“Of course Seungmin” you eyed him warily, making him waggle his eyebrows at you “what are you getting me into?”.

“Nothing bad. We just want to go over last night with you” he grinned his eyes sparkling with mischief.

“Well shit” you sighed, standing slowly and following him into Chan’s office. 

“We were just talking about your date with Chan” Seungmin started as you stepped through the door.

“Yeah and how you disappeared with our dear boss” Hyunjin grinned, making you look at the ceiling for help.

“Chan claims he cannot kiss and tell, but we are pretty sure we know where you ended up” Changbin teased, looking from you to Chan.

“Really? And where was that?” you mocked his tone slightly making Chan grin and Minho laugh loudly.

“Upstairs of course” Hyunjin whispered, shouting dramatically as though he was helping you jog your memory, making Changbin snicker.

“Really? Because I’m pretty sure upstairs looks nothing like the inside of a car. Or my apartment block for that matter” you replied dryly, making Chan and Seungmin laugh while Hyunjin’s jaw dropped and Changbin looked confused.

“Felix said he saw you getting in the lift with Chan and that Chan gave a thumbs up” Changbin argued as though you didn’t know where you had been.

“Felix did see me get in the elevator, but you do know that elevators go both up and down” you tried to hold in a laugh at the indignant look on Changbin’s face.

“So you didn’t go upstairs with Chan?” Hyunjin repeated.

“I did not” you laughed “How much money did you have riding on that?”.

“More than they should have” Chan smirked as Hyunjin opened and closed his mouth a few times.

‘Can I finish my editorial now? Or did we need to discuss the sex I didn’t have with Chan further?” you raised your eyebrows waiting for one of them to answer.

“You go back to work Miss R” Chan smiled “I think Hyunjin will be bringing you a coffee in a little while”.

“Aw thank you Hyunjin” you grinned, walking back to your chair and going back to what you needed to get done. Still having the occasional giggle about the conversation you just had.

By the time the other hosts started appearing and it was time for you to start getting ready you were beginning to get nervous. An elite host experience Chan had called it and it was exclusive to only those willing to pay a small fortune to spend time in private with a host of their choice. Felix would probably meet you out in the bar like you had done with San since you were heading straight up to level five and bypassing the other host floors. There would be dinner and you would have Felix all to yourself for the whole night which was a huge amount of time compared to the other experiences Chan had his hosts offer. Closing down your laptop you packed away all of your work items and moved towards Chan’s office to change.

“Am I able to use your office again to get changed or are you still busy?” you enquired sticking your head into his office where he was sitting at his desk already decked out in his deep gray suit. Chan got up and walked over to you taking your work bag from your hands and placing it beside his desk

"Sure and what color are you wearing tonight? just out of interest" Chan smirked stepping out into the staff area.

"Black" Felix answered for you before you could say a word, his voice surrounding you like smoke.

"How did you know I bought a black dress?" you turn towards his voice, your eyes widening the moment you saw him in his satin black suit jacket looking like a model straight off the catwalk.

"Oh I didn't know that I just knew what I bought" he smiled dazzlingly, holding out a large white gift bag tied with a deep red ribbon.

"I don't understand" you mumble, your brow creasing in confusion looking at the bag before he took hold of your hand and placed the handles of the bag in your palm, closing your fingers around it.

"You didn't think you could try on that dress and look that good and I wouldn't insist you wear it?" He smirked, leaning forward and lowering his voice.

"You didn't!" you squealed loudly as he laughed and wandered out into the bar you guessed so he was out of the room before you could argue back.

"What dress are we talking about?" Chan asked, perplexed, his eyes scanning the bag for a label.

"Oh is that the McQueen one? Felix said she looked a million dollars is that one" Hyunjin grinned following Felix's trail through the room and stopping beside you.

“No!...he’s not allowed to do that…fuck where did he go?” you scoffed while still holding the bag.

“He is and he did” Hyunjin winked at you “Now go put the dress on so I can see if he was right”. You gave a resigned sigh you knew this would be a battle you would never win. Too many rich boys with too much money was always going to end in stupid decisions like buying dresses for women they barely knew because they could.

Turning silently you went into Chan’s office and shut the door but not before hearing Hyunjin announce loudly that you were about to knock their socks off so they should all wait around for a bit. You unwrapped the dress carefully, trying to not mess up the ribbon or the tissue paper it was wrapped so beautifully in, your fingers caressing the silk that you had already tried on and secretly loved but had thought you would never in a million years own. Your eyes stung slightly as a stray tear fought to make its way free of your eye, Felix’s gesture proving that his kindness and sweetness knew no bounds and that you and your little crush were doomed to an inevitable heartbreak at the end of the night. Slipping out of your clothes and into the dress you remembered you were going to struggle with the zip again.

“Hyunjin?” you called through the door

“Yes princess” he called back obviously just outside the door.

“Who is waiting out there with you?” you asked as sweetly as you could.

“Oh! There is Chan, Minho, Hongjoon, San, Yunho, Seungmin and of course me” he listed off.

“Excellent” you popped your head out of the door “San can you help me with the zipper please?” you smiled as he grinned and stood up immediately.

“Wait, I can help” Hyunjin protested.

“I know, but I asked San” you quipped as San moved past Hyunjins disappointed face and into the room with you.

“You look exquisite” San whispered appreciatively as you turned around, his fingers easily sliding the zipper up your back.

“Thank you San” you smiled genuinely as you turned back to face him.

“Felix is a lucky, lucky man” he smiled lopsidedly before slipping back out of the room which caused Hyunjin to protest all over again.

You fixed your makeup and took a steadying breath, your nerves were now sky high but you knew there was no turning back now so you stepped out of Chan's office and into a room filled with silence, except for San’s whistle. 

“You look incredible” Chan grinned, taking your hand and kissing your knuckles.

“Thank you Chan” you smiled while worrying your lower lip slightly between your teeth.

“You look far better than just a million dollars” Hyunjin whispered reverently, his eyes wide.

“You are going to make me blush if you keep complimenting me” you shuffled on your feet slightly. 

“Can I escort you out to meet Felix?” Yunho interrupted getting in before any of the others could say anything else.

“That would be amazing, Yunho” you grinned at him as he raced across the room to take your hand and place it in the crook of his arm. You didn’t feel any different stepping out of the staff area into the bar, it was the same as every other evening the difference was going to be when you came face to face with Felix.

“You don’t need to be nervous” Yunho muttered trying to hide he was speaking to you from prying eyes “Felix won’t do anything you don’t want him to, and there is no expectation on you” his hand squeezed yours where it sat in the crease of his elbow “I didn’t even know you could get nervous”.

“Funny Yunho, I’m not immune to everything” you whispered in reply knowing he was right everything that would happen tonight would be the same as all the previous nights you had spent in the club. The ball was entirely in your court. 

Yunho walked you to the entrance where Felix stood waiting for you, several women trying to get his attention but being politely declined until his eyes landed on you.

“Excuse me ladies, my queen awaits” he smiled graciously, walking towards you and Yunho. Yunho for all his imposing presence disappeared effortlessly into the crowd as Felix stepped into your space to take your hand moving it to his lips to kiss the inside of your wrist softly.

“Felix” you smiled coyly, making his perfect face light up as he moved to wrap his arm around your waist to lead you to the elevator.

“You look bewitching” he breathed in your ear making you shiver against him which seemed to only encourage him into pulling you tighter against him. Virtually every woman in the bar watched you with envy at being beside him.

“You look incredibly handsome yourself” you replied feeling more comfortable now that you were with Felix again. He grinned as he stepped into the elevator swiping his card to get you to the exclusive fifth floor starting what you knew would be a once in a lifetime night.

“Chan made sure you had seen one room when he gave you the tour so now I can show you a second” Felix broke the silence between you.

“Did you pick which room you would show me?” you tilted your head to look at his profile.

“Yes, because it's a particular favorite of nearly all of us hosts” he admitted, easily meeting your eyes.

“A favorite as in it makes you guys a lot of money or favorite as you guys actually like being in that room?” you teased gently 

“We like being in this room, it's the easiest to make comfortable for clients who perhaps aren’t interested in certain things” he carefully explained letting you know before you even reached the room that there would be no pressure on you.

“Good to know” you beamed as the elevator door opened to the navy blue hallway. Taking your hand he led you down the hallway passing door number three and leading you to door number 8. Unlocking the door he allowed you to step inside the room first letting you take in your surroundings before wrapping his arms smoothly around you from behind.

The room was the opposite of what you expected it wasn’t some overly ostentatious room styled after a luxury hotel room instead the blue and gold continued only instead of navy blue it was more of a deep teal blue with antique gold light fixtures and dark coloured furniture but the main focal point was the dozen upon dozens of candles flickering on almost every surface in front part of the room stood a black glass table with place settings for two large floor candelabras covering the area in a romantic golden glow. Further into the room dark lounge suites and the further again a bed made up in matching teal sheets all surrounded but flickering light.

“Do you think you prefer this room?” his deep honey voice in your ear.

“Yes this room is beautiful” you replied in awe, feeling his arms squeeze you slightly before unwrapping them from you and leading you towards the table pulling out your chair for you.

“I thought rather than the normal ridiculous menu I would try something new with you” he started taking his own chair as you heard the keycard beep for the door to open revealing a waiter wheeling a food serving cart with large silver cloches covering several dishes. The waiter placed the dishes on the table and then left himself out of the room as quietly and discreetly as possible.

“New in what way?” you tilted your head looking from Felix to the covered dishes.

“I already know that your immune to the normal charm act so I figured instead of playing the part I usually would, I’ll just be me” he shrugged “ I can still give you the full experience without pretending to be something that you will see through anyway so why not have a normal dinner together like we would if this was any other normal date?”. Lifting the cloches and placing them back on the serving cart you were met with two types of pasta, Caprese salad and arancini with aioli. You realized immediately what he meant instead of ridiculous amounts of over the top food he was trying to keep you as comfortable as possible.

“This looks fantastic Felix” you grinned toothily making his shoulders relax a little more. Felix served you a little bit of everything insisting you could eat whatever you liked but you were more interested in just spending the time you had available with him.

“This is the last night you’re going to be here isn't it?” Felix enquired quietly between mouthfuls.

“For this editorial yes” you nodded, taking a sip of the white wine that Felix had chosen to go with your meal. “But I thought I might come back for a drink or two sometimes, the bar is great and it feels really safe as a woman to be in here”.

“But that is only the bar” Felix pressed you slightly “You won’t return to the hosts will you?”.

“I might, I couldn’t obviously be paying for Chan or you to entertain me, you are too pricey for a lowly journalist. But I could see San or Yunho occasionally” you admitted pulling your bottom lip between your teeth as his eyes narrowed for a fraction of a second.

“Are you interested in seeing San or Yunho again?” I know you spent time with Yunho for the editorial and you had the mid level host experience with San” he continued but you could tell he was selecting his words carefully. 

“That was just an example, someone like me could only afford the basic or mid level host experience at a place like this. It doesn't have to be either San or Yunho specifically although they are both a lot of fun” you confessed hoping that he liked that answer better.

“Oh so you would be happy to see anyone then?” he teased.

“Well I’d see you but your price tag is more than I could afford unless you take payment in other ways” you teased back making his eyes widen before he laughed, the rich deep sound sinking into your skin like the sun's warmth. 

“I’m sure we could figure something other than money out if you were interested in only seeing me” he smirked, his eyes darkening as little as he wet his lower lip.

“I thought you said you wouldn’t be playing the part tonight” you raised your eyebrow “yet here you are flirting like Hyunjin would”.

“This isn’t the facade, this is me” he confided, his voice deeper than it had been before as he stood from the table and slowly walked around to your chair pulling it away from the table so you were now facing him. “I’ve never been more serious”.

“Felix” you whispered softly, confused where this was going.

“How about I show you what I mean” he murmured leaning down he cupped your face gently angling your chin higher so you were looking into his whiskey colored eyes, his thumb gently traced along your bottom lip as he leaned in tentatively pressing his lips to yours in a featherlight kiss giving you time to pull away. When you didn’t move he smiled graciously, pressing his lips against yours again this time with a little more force allowing you to kiss him back with your hand moving to wrap around his wrist. Taking your other hand in his he helped you stand his plump lips never leaving yours, pulling you flush against him.

“Do you understand what I mean now or should I explain further?” he whispered against your lips letting you decide how much you wanted from him.

“A little more should make it crystal clear” you sighed softly you words cut off as his soft lips claiming yours tenderly once more, Felix teasing your bottom lip with his teeth until you were gasping breathlessly into the kiss, his tongue dancing with yours sensually he moved one hand around your waist to hold you to him. 

“You have no idea how badly I’ve wanted this” he smirked, pulling away from you just enough to slide his hands around you deftly gliding the zip of your dress down and watching it fall from your chest. Licking his lips as your upper body became completely exposed to him “I had never been so jealous of Hyunjin before after he said he had kissed you”. His fingers caressing your cheek while he leaned in to kiss your neck his lips softly tracing your pulse point before continuing down to your chest.

“I wanted to end Chan when he bragged about touching you, kissing you” he continued his hands cupping and lightly squeezing your breasts as he kissed his way back to your face. You couldn’t move, enjoying the feeling of his hands and lips on, your arm wrapped around his neck to keep yourself upright, carding your fingers through the hair on the back of his head..

“Neither meant anything if that helps” you whimper feeling his lips turn up against your lips as you pressed them back against his taking the initiative for the first time since Felix had touched you. 

“It does” he smirked, stepping back from you and leading you towards the bedroom area of the suite, the warmth of his hand anchoring you to him. Sitting on the bed he guided you into his lap, your skirt bunching up around your waist as you straddled his strong thighs. You kissed him again allowing him to slip his tongue between your eager lips to slide against your own in a slow dance for dominance beginning between you which he easily won as you pushed his jacket off of his shoulders to get closer to his skin. Felix let his hands roam your sides and arse encouraged you to grind yourself against him while you buried your hands in his amazingly soft hair tugging slightly as your need for him started to build, making him hum against your lips. Without much effort Felix switched your places you back now pressed against the soft mattress as he discarded his jacket and returned to kissing his way across your body, his lips left a scorching path down your chest until he reached your breasts taking one into his mouth while his hand played with the other.

“Fuck your tits are incedible” he breathed against your nipple circling the now swollen bud with his tongue as you arched against him slightly letting out a string of whiny noises “and you are so sensitive, your going to drive me mad baby”.

Your heart skipped a beat at the term of endearment that fell from his beautifully plump lips as he made his way across to your other breast giving it the same torturously pleasurable treatment. Nipping and sucking at your flesh like he was a man possessed. Moving lower he kissed his way to your belly button before hooking his fingers into the material of your dress that remained bunched around you carefully lowering it down your thighs dropping it beside the bed leaving you is just black lace underwear that he admired slowly dragging his finger along the pattern that covered your core.

“Lix” you whimpered softly your skin one fire beneath his warm touch.

“Fuck call me that again” me purred sexily closing his eyes while his fingers continues to trace across your flesh.

“Lix please” you whined watching his adam's apple bob as he swallowed hard, his head tipping back slightly seemingly turned on further by your words. Smiling wickedly he licked his lips and lowered himself between your thighs kissing the inside of one before placing a chaste kiss on your covered core making you shiver in anticipation. His smirk was covered by your mound as he began to trace the lace patterns on the small piece of fabric separating the two of you making you whimper again you were sure he could probably already feel how wet the fabric had become. His teasing continued as he unbuttoned his dress shirt stopping only for him to toss the garment behind him and pull your underwear aside his tongue gliding through your drenched folds earning you the pleasure of a deep groan falling from him before he swiped his tongue through them again collecting your essence and began eating you out as though it was going to keep him from from dying of thirst. Your whines and soft moans spurred him on as went between kitten lick to your clit and long dragging figure eights that drove you insane reaching down you grab a handful of his hair to ground yourself and making him groan loudly against you the vibrations sending you into an unexpected orgasm with a loud sob of his name.

“You taste delicious baby” he teased, moving away from your sensitive core, his angelic face covered in your arousal making him look like he had fallen from grace and straight into your bed. “Can’t wait to feel you fall apart around me baby”.

Standing from the bed he began to undo his belt, removing it slowly his pants and boxers following abandoned where they fell he leaned in to pull your now very wet underwear down your legs before climbing back over you to kiss you, his rock hard cock pressing against your thigh. He ran his hands up and down your sides making sure you were relaxed again he kissed you softly giving you time to come back down from your high to not push you too fast you could taste yourself on his lips and tongue making the knot in your abdomen begin to tighten again.

“Lix” you whispered cupping his face softly as he pulled himself away from you slightly to look into your eyes “I want to feel you, please” you soft pleading making his eyes widen and genuine look of adoration cross his features.

“God you are everything I could have ever dreamt of” he breathed almost inaudibly allowing his length to slip between your thighs coating himself in your juices “I need you to tell me you want this”.

“Please Felix, I need you” you pleaded again the desperation in your voice showing through making him nod pecking your lips gently as he continued to coat himself in your juices, the head of his cock brushing your clit and making you gasp loudly. Slowly rutting against you he finally lined himself up at your entrance and began leisurely pushing himself inside your still fluttering hole.

“Fuck you feel amazing baby” he groaned bottoming out inside your plush walls before gradually pulling himself out and sinking back into you again. You had never felt so full his dick stretching you to the point you felt like you were being split in half, the pleasure tinged with pain bringing tears to your waterline. 

“Lix…ngh…ah” you moaned uncontrollably each snap of his hips making you feel utter blissful pleasure. Taking his time Felix unhurried pace was leaving you feeling almost drunk as he leant his forehead against yours sweetly humming every time you loudly moaned his name. You met each of his thrusts, your hips rolling against his.

“You’re breathtaking like this” he whispered, increasing the strength of his movements “like you were made just for me” he groaned as you clenched at his words.

“Just for you Lix, only for you” you babbled as white hot sparks spread through your veins making tears fall from your eyes running down your temples into your hair. You were sure Felix could feel your body tightening below you as he moved one hand to wrap your leg around his waist giving him the ability to go even deeper than before, his cock head almost kissing your cervix making you cry out.

“That’s it baby” he purred, burying his face into your neck to kiss and suck on your skin pushing you to the edge again.

“Felix!” you screamed convulsing around his length as your entire body shook and your vision went white, his name tumbling from your lips again and again like a prayer. Felix continued his pace helping to prolong your ecstasy only stopping when you felt him fill you with his thick warm seed. 

Felix peppered your face with sweet kisses as he carefully pulled his softening dick from you, pulling you into his arms as he lay beside you stroking your skin softly until you returned from the fog of pleasure that was currently filling your head. After a few moments he began to massage your thigh easing the muscles that had so tightly squeezed him.

“Is that what it is always like?” you rasped looking up at him with still watering eyes.

“It’s never like, not for clients” he admitted pulling up the blankets to cover your sweat sheen covered bodies. “But for you it would always be like that”.

Felix held you tightly letting your body recover, allowing you to doze off in his arms for a few minutes. When you woke he was wearing a silk robe tied tightly at the waist and was hanging up both your dress and his suit in an empty wardrobe.

“Lix?” you questioned softly sitting up and letting the blankets fall away from your still naked form.

“I didn’t want to wake you baby, you needed to rest” he chuckled quietly, bringing you a glass of water and another glass of wine, climbing into the bed beside you.

“What happens now?” you asked, sipping from the glass of water before allowing Felix to wrap you back up in his arms.

“That is up to you” he conceded, his voice tinged with nervousness.

“Did you want this to be more than tonight?” you continued hoping that you had understood him correctly “Do you want me?”.

“So much, I never expected to meet anyone like you” he confessed “I’ve not been interested in anyone for such a long time that I just thought it wasn’t going to happen ever. But then you appeared and I couldn’t help it, I want to try to make it work with you if you will let me”.

“How would it work though? You here every night and me at work every day we would be like ships passing in the night” you sighed trying to think of what sort of schedule would actually work for the both of you.

“So your first concern isn’t that I make my living like this, it's my hours that are the issue?” he chuckled looking at you with disbelief.

“Well, I mean…. Look Lix I know what you do, and I know you have been doing it for years so it isn’t fair for me to just demand you change your life for me when we don’t even know each other that well” you exhaled looking up at his face.

“The others were right, your honesty is insanely attractive” Felix hummed, placing a soft kiss against your forehead. “But I am willing to go back to just hosting and not escorting if it means I get a shot with you”.

“Have I not been obvious enough?” you giggled your fingers drawing patterns on his beautiful honey skin “I thought you could read women like a book?”.

“Women yes, you no” he groaned, his muscles twitching under your gentle ministrations.

“I like you a lot Felix” you whispered your hand sliding lower brushing his warm skin and eventually wrapping around his half hard cock. “I want to be with you”.

Felix tilted your head with his fingertips connecting his lips to yours in a long kiss that he only broke when the gradual pumping of your hand made him hiss in pleasure.

“I will never stop worshiping you baby, especially now you are mine” His breath fanned across your face and he rolled you back under him grinning devilishly once more.

a/n: Thank you for reading you beautiful people, all your likes reblogs and comments are adored and I hope you enjoyed this one even though it is a bit of an epic. Thank you again to everyone that has followed me and left messages of love and encouragement for me you are amazing xx

Taglist (open): @christopher-bangnaldoskzz @armystay89 @damnyouficc @roamingpolar @tara-skyhold @bakedlilgoonie @krishastumblernow @mrsseals16 @fawnpeaks @leeknowinggg @uno7 @tanzen-ist-gold

[k-s-morgan]

No pressure, but are you still posting the snippets from your ongoing fics? :]

Another ask: Hi Katrin! Are you going to post a snippet from TGSTLTH?

----

Hi! Yes, sure - as always, so sorry for the delay, I was so excited to share them for the New Year :( But I need to write them first, and you can probably guess what became a problem. Russia sent its 'best wishes' in the early morning of December 31 by launching a missile attack on my city. Then it launched a drone attack, which killed a family and their cat, and it's been trying to attack us almost non-stop ever since. For example, the latest drone attack has been ongoing for over 30 hours now.

Despite this, I actually managed to have an absolutely wonderful New Year. My family and I had so much fun! It was amazing, and there were so many lovely gifts exchanged. Probably one of the best celebrations in my life. I will always remember and cherish it.

A day later, my oldest cat Tom gave me a bad scare, though - he suddenly started roaring in pain out of nowhere. He did it a couple of times during the night, so I completely freaked out and took him to the vet. Fortunately, all the tests and analyses came back surprisingly good, especially considering his age and condition (he has FIV). For now, the doctors think he ate too much of cat hair, so he needs some pain meds and some help getting it out. It seems to work so far, so fingers crossed!

I will try finishing the snippets today or tomorrow. I already know exactly what scenes I want to share, so I just need to get them finally written))

[livingformintyoongi]

Hi!!!, How are you, I just read your one shot of Tae, called "Misunderstanding" and I loved it 💕, I wanted to ask you for one of him, where reader has had a bad day and is feeling a bit down, Tae realizing this, does a lot of things to comfort her, like cuddling.

Take your time to do it, thanks~ 💜💜.

Just another bad day

a/n: Hi! Thanks for making this request and for having loved "Misunderstanding", I really love this kind of situations, I was so excited to do this ^^. I hope it's what you expected, and sorry for the delay, I'm doing the requests in order and it's really hard to do more than one in one day. wc: 1.9k

You had had bad days in your life, like that time when you erased your thesis and had to do it from scratch, or that other time when your puppy disappeared for hours because the girl who was supposed to take care of it had left the door open. You could go on listing all the bad days you've had in your life, but this one? This one topped them all.

It all started when you woke up and realized that your alarm had decided not to go off this morning. To get to work on time, you were supposed to get up at six-thirty at the latest. It was eight o'clock. You decided that taking a bath wasn't important enough, you could do it at night without any problem. You got dressed as fast as you could and ran to the bus stop.

You were only a few feet away when it pulled away, leaving you at the stop, praying that the next bus would arrive as soon as possible. You gave up after ten minutes. You approached the edge of the sidewalk, trying to see if there were any cabs coming that you could hop into. 

For a second, you thought your luck had changed the instant you saw a cab approach you and accept the ride. That illusion was lost along with the car's gasoline when you were still half way there. You had no choice but to pay the fare and run half the way to work.

When you saw the big sign with the company's name on it, you almost cried with happiness. You crossed the street, this time much calmer, you still had 10 minutes left before the start time. 

But this was absolutely nothing to what happened next.

Today you had a very important meeting at work, one where they had practically promised you that you would get the promotion you had been waiting for years, something you knew you deserved, because your performance in this job had been impeccable. 

You had to lock yourself in the bathroom so that no one would see you crying from the impotence after they announced at the meeting that the promotion had been given to a guy who had joined the company only a year and a half ago. You weren't surprised to hear that it was the boss's son.

Still, you got up and tried to put your best face forward to the other workers, you knew none of them were to blame. The rest of the day continued with little accidents that were causing the urge to cry and the lump in your throat to become more and more unbearable.

To your good fortune, the trip home wasn't so horrible. You left on time, made the bus without any problems. You tried to concentrate on the pain your heels were causing in your heels instead of the constant throbbing that prevented you from breathing normally. All you wanted to do was lie down on your bed and sleep until tomorrow. 

You watched the bus window, letting one tear of the many you had been holding back come out as soon as you noticed the raindrops falling outside. You forgot to bring your umbrella. You wiped the tear away as quickly as you could, taking a long breath and letting your head fall back against the uncomfortable chair. Just a little longer, you thought, a few more minutes and you would finally be home.

Taehyung had arrived half an hour earlier than he was supposed to. They only had a photo shoot and an interview today, so he hadn't been surprised to get home so early either.

He wanted to call you to ask if you wanted to get something special to eat or if you had gone to dinner with some friends from work for the promotion you had told him you were getting today. He was almost as excited as you were when he heard the news and really wanted to celebrate in a big way, but he didn't want to overwhelm you either.

It took him a good few minutes to finally decide that making you dinner himself would be the best gift. There was nothing better than celebrating between the two of you, alone, comfortable and warm at home, especially when they had announced on the news that it would rain today.

He smiled big at the thought of how happy you would be to come home to find him waiting for you with open arms and a dinner specially made for you with the intention of celebrating your amazing work. 

He didn't count on the fact that you would come home soaked from head to toe, shivering from the cold and with slightly red eyes and nose. For a moment he almost went into a crisis.

"Honey, what happened, why are you so wet?" he ran to greet you at the door, grabbing your shoulders and trying to see your face. He knew something was wrong just by seeing how you avoided looking him in the eye.

"I forgot my umbrella" you whispered, leaving your heels aside and walking barefoot to your room. You needed to take a shower as soon as possible, you didn't want to get sick now, that would be the last straw. 

Taehyung followed you from behind quickly, resting his hand on your waist in an attempt to keep you on your feet. You looked so weak that he actually thought you would pass out right there. 

"Did you eat something? You look so pale," he paused in the doorway of your bedroom door, watching as you pulled your pajamas out from under your pillow. You were moving much slower than usual, and that only made his anxiety and worry increase even more, "Y/N, I'm starting to worry, did something happen at work? Did someone hurt you?" he moved closer to you, taking your shoulders as carefully as he could.

It almost broke his heart to see your tear-filled eyes and your bottom lip barely sticking out. "I'm so tired" you sobbed, wailing in frustration as you felt the tears just wouldn't stop falling. Still you tried to wipe them away with your shirt sleeve, "Today really was a horrible day. I could barely make it to work on time, my feet are killing me, and my stupid boss gave my promotion to his son" you said, trying to calm your sobs. You hated crying in front of your boyfriend. "I couldn't even go home in peace because I completely forgot that there was rain tonight." You shook your hair a little, sighing as you watched small drops of water fall to the ground.

Taehyung wasn't sure what to say. He hated seeing you like this, he had never seen you like this in the first place. He knew he might not be able to comfort you with his words, but he hoped he could with his actions.

"Why don't we take a long soak in the tub? We can stay a while relaxing there, try out the new water pumps we bought at Mrs. Kang's store" he whispered, pulling you gently until you were in his arms. He rubbed your back with his hand, while the other gave little pats on your head, "Then we put on those bear pajamas, remember them? You fell in love with them the first time you saw them in the online store." Taehyung smiled as he felt you nod against his chest. He kissed your head, keeping his lips against your hair for a few seconds before speaking again, "I made dinner, it might be a little cold when we're done, but we can heat it up in the microwave if you want, though we could also order takeout."

"Your dinner" you whispered, hugging his waist weakly. You felt a little better than when you arrived, but you still felt too collapsed to be able to hug him back properly.

"Well, my dinner it is," he laughed softly, pulling away just inches to kiss your forehead, "we could have a movie night, how about The notebook?"

"No, that one depresses me" you looked at Tae, letting your weight fall lightly against him, "Let's watch a romantic comedy, like The proposal, or 13 going to 30."

"Okay" Taehyung bent down a little, just enough so he could slip his arm behind your knees and waist, lifting you up in his arms and carrying you to the bathroom. "Let's go to the tub."

"And... done" Taehyung smiled, watching as your hair fell down your back, this time completely dry. "I reckon I did an excellent job, what do you think?" he hugged your waist, kissing your neck playfully. 

"I think you're the best thing that could have happened to me in my life" you whispered, turning to look at your boyfriend. He too had slightly damp hair, but only a little. His smile was so big that it ended up rubbing off on you almost immediately. He was right, long soaks in the tub were quite the mood lifter, or maybe it was just your boyfriend.

"You'll make me blush" he chuckled, resting his forehead on your shoulder. His hands caressed your abdomen, forming little circles around the bears your pajama print was wearing. 

"I'm just telling the truth" you turned around, hugging his neck and closing your eyes. The smell of his oatmeal shampoo flooded your nostrils. You loved that smell. "I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been here."

"Well, you would have fallen asleep without tasting my amazing signature dish," he murmured as he brought his nose close to yours. One of his hands stopped on your cheek, lightly caressing your cheekbones. He, unlike you, didn't have his eyes closed, refusing to do so and miss the sight of your beautiful face. Your long eyelashes, your reddish lips, your smile, every mole and mark you had. He didn't say it, but he also constantly wondered what would have become of him without you. "I love you, Y/N" he whispered against your lips, smiling "more than anything in this world, and I will do whatever it takes to keep the smile on the one I love."

You felt a slight tug on your chest, causing you to open your eyes. His gaze was so intense that it made your legs tremble. You let out a small sigh, momentarily looking at his lips.

"You don't need my permission to kiss me, you know?" he laughed playfully, pulling you closer by the waist so he could spread kisses all over your face.

"Taehyung!" you squealed with laughter, trying to resist his displays of affection. You both knew you weren't trying the least bit hard at that. 

Taehyung smiled at hearing your laughter again, pausing for a moment to look at your full face again. You looked so beautiful. "I'm sorry," he said softly, waiting for you to calm down a little from your laughter. 

As soon as you did, he kissed you. He caressed the back of your neck with his thumb, moving his lips against yours softly. He enjoyed slow, emotional kisses, they were his favorite.

You sighed as you felt his tongue enter your mouth, letting him explore at his leisure. He always took his time.

"I love you" he whispered between kisses, gently leaning you back on the bed.

"I love you more" you smiled, tangling your fingers in his hair.

"Liar" he laughed against your lips, hugging your waist.

"Liar" you smiled, breaking that little line that separated his lips from yours.

How you loved coming home on days like these.

Masterlist.

[bumblebeehug]

Some of their own

Summary: Babysitting and a bit of reflection of a past encounter is just the kick Natsu needs to get started on thinking about his future. Notes: At the end. Nalu Week 2023 day 7. Prompt: New Adventures. Ao3

***

For being a mom of three kids, Levy was weirdly calm. Lucy realised that as she spent time with her friend: she was rusty at the beginning, sure, she had two newborns to take care of and she was completely new to everything, but she had a very involved, very loving father to the children, and also what many people didn’t always consider to incorporate – a community that helped her whenever she asked. This community included, but was not limited to, the guild.

Currently, she and Lucy sat and enjoyed their lunch together, as Gajeel and Natsu sat one table away. Gajeel was caring for his and Levy’s latest addition to the family, Akane, while Natsu kept Kanetatsu and Kanae entertained. Though they would never admit it, and would absolutely hate to hear it – Natsu and Gajeel worked well as a team. Gajeel had all the actual parenting down, he did well with the fostering and the diapers and feeding, while Natsu had a natural talent when it came to entertaining. His skills shouldn’t be underestimated: to actually engage with the kids and play in a way that keeps the games enjoyable was surprisingly hard. Natsu, however, was a natural. He knew exactly what ideas were perfect for their preferences, Kanetatsu preferring more wilderness games (he was going through an obsession with ancient reptiles) and Kanae loved Natsu’s story-driven games. She preferred to play pretend, that she was on a mission like the ones her mom and dad went on. And of course, Natsu would be the star of the show by narrating it.

Lucy liked watching him with children. Natsu was otherwise the type of guy you’d want to keep away – having a pyromaniac with no sense of safety around a couple of toddlers wasn’t ideal, but his entire demeanour shifted around kids. She had known this for quite some time. Back when they first met she only got to see a sliver of Natsu’s persona around kids, and that was through Romeo. Still, sliver or not, she definitely saw it. A brotherly connection based on safety and trust, not wavering a second as Natsu went to save his dad from the Vulcans. And after the seven years on Tenrou Island, she got to see it again – Natsu creating an environment where Asuka could both play and learn. It wasn’t the ideal day for them to babysit, considering the fact that bandits attacked them, but not only did Natsu put Asuka’s safety first, but he also engaged her to act and help in the ways she could. Though in Lucy’s opinion the danger in that situation was way too close for comfort.

“... And I was thinking we could go check it out tomorrow after lunch?” Lucy’s attention was brought back to Levy, the scene of Natsu and Gajeel and the kids fading back into the background.

“Sorry, check out what?”

Levy smiled knowingly.

“Something other than Natsu for once.” She winked at her. “The new bookstore that opened on the square. I checked their inventory, and they’re gonna sell your book there, so I thought you’d like to say hi to the owners.”

“Oh yeah absolutely! Meet me at 1 by the fountain?” Lucy finished her drink with a sweeping motion. Levy nodded approvingly and then tilted her head.

“Hey, Lucy… Wouldn’t it be nice if you had one?”

Lucy blinked in confusion.

“A bookstore?”

“No,” Levy laughed, “a kid. It’s a lot less diapers than you think – take it from me, I had two at once.”

Lucy felt her cheeks warm up.

“Well I think I’d need someone to have it with, before I start thinking about diapers.” She let out an airy laugh. But she knew that Levy meant with Natsu. And judging by the shifting eyes Lucy could see in her periphery, Natsu was paying attention to their conversation.

“Don’t you think it’s time to start thinking about it though? We always said our kids would be as close as we are, but I’m not sure how many more I can produce before we run out of money here.” Levy giggled, but Lucy knew she was serious. It wasn’t easy being the single friend in a friend group – even harder being a single friend in a mom group.

“Well, I guess I’ll have to adopt if I’m not knocked up within a year,” Lucy joked, now being more or less desperate to steer the conversation away from the topic of babies. She did, however, pay attention to Natsu’s face. Though she only saw it in profile, she knew he had been listening. There was something in his eyes, perhaps the way they didn’t really seem focused on the task ahead of him, that revealed the many thoughts running through his head.

Their current relationship was messy. Too intimate to be friends, too friendly to be lovers. But Lucy knew she wasn’t the only one thinking about them. The last couple of years, Natsu had been more present, more grounded in their conversations. Like he was soaking up everything Lucy said or did, and savoured that information like treasure. Lucy had noticed it, but she knew that not many else had. Levy included. Because in public and at the guild, they were completely normal. Talked about missions, kept their routines, went on team missions with Erza, Wendy and Gray whenever they got the chance (which wasn’t as often nowadays – Gray’s fault, since he rarely went anywhere without Juvia). But behind closed doors they allowed themselves some secret moments. Movie nights cuddling, hugs from behind while the other’s cooking, Natsu fiddling with Lucy’s left hand’s fingers while she was reading (the right hand had to be free so she could turn pages). There were lots of moments like those, but none that could be pinned down and refused in a “I only do that with guys I’m in a relationship with!”-manner.

Her thoughts were soon interrupted by the cries from Levy’s youngest. As they stirred around, Levy rushing to Gajeel and Akane, Natsu picking up both toddlers on each hip to get them away from knocking over bottles and wet wipes and other miscellaneous items, Lucy found herself drawn to Natsu. She could blame it on wanting to unload him from one of the kids, but they both knew he could manage carrying them both. Lucy should have brought her and Levy’s empty dishes to Mira, to minimise the risk of anything falling down on the floor, but instead she grabbed a handful of toys from the bag Gajeel had packed, and started giving them to Kanetatsu and Kanae, letting them choose from the soft, colourful figurines.

“You want that one?” Lucy asked Kanae, not expecting an answer from her. Kanetatsu had already picked his toy – a boar-like stuffed animal. “How about we go to the library and play? I’ll bring the toys and uncle Natsu will take you downstairs, okay?”

Natsu grinned broadly and started moving towards the stairs, roughhousing them a little to keep their interest. Levy sent Lucy a thankful smile before she went back to focus on the poopy diaper. Lucy took it as approval of the impromptu babysitting and grabbed the bag and a couple of water bottles before hurrying after Natsu and the kids – even if Levy said kids weren’t as stressful as they seemed, Lucy had yet to take her word for it.

In the library, Natsu managed to get both kids to stay on the carpet. Lucy swore she had heard something about the floor being lava, but the kids seemed too calm for that to be true. She quickly sorted out the toys from the actual useful items in the nursery bag and poured them out on the carpet.

“Aunty, play kingdom!” Kanae blubbered and started clearing out a space for the characters to live. Natsu and Kanetatsu swiftly gathered round, eyeing the toys they wanted to use.

“Alright, I’ll be the princess-knight then.” She grabbed the figure of a princess with a big poofy dress. They didn’t actually have a toy that looked like a knight, so this one sufficed once she held a small, toy sword against the plush princess-hand. “Do we want to start from the beginning or pick up where we left it last time?”

When the twins were just 2 years old, Lucy had created a make believe game with medieval themes – knights, princesses, dragons, kings and queens, evil trolls under bridges etc. Ever since, Kanae swore that it was the best game ever, though Lucy knew she preferred watching Natsu’s hot pepper eating contests. Natsu wasn’t actually bothered by the chilies, but he was good at acting out different stages of spice levels. When eating the hottest one he liked setting his tongue on fire, to demonstrate how terrible it was to eat it.

That, however, was beside the point. Even if it wasn’t the absolute best game, the kids still loved it. Natsu did as well, but for other reasons. He was captivated by Lucy’s story telling. All characters in the game were so different – some reminded him of guild mates, some of her spirits, others were more like people they had met briefly on missions. It was like she knew everything about everyone she met, inside out. Their dreams, their past, their reasonings behind certain behaviours. Her ability to read people was beyond great, and that reflected in her books and games. All stories she told, big and small, were taken seriously by her.

“From the beginning!” The little girl almost shouted out her answer, but her brother was quick to protest.

“No, from the part when the dragon eats the troll!”

Lucy held in a sigh. The twins played well together when they were on the same page, but as soon as their opinions didn’t align, their heads would butt together in disagreement. Their fights would often get both loud and violent – it wasn’t hard to figure out which parent had given them that temperament.

Before the twins began their screaming contest, and before Lucy had the opportunity to defuse the situation, Natsu had grabbed the princess-doll in his left hand and the troll in his right and started shouting.

“RAAAH, your fight is pointless, the troll has already taken the princess-knight hostage! Aunt Lucy, what’s gonna happen?” He flailed his arms around to somehow demonstrate the motion of the troll stealing the queen. Lucy sent a quick glance towards Kanae to make sure she wasn’t upset over Natsu picking Kanetatsu’s storyline – with no tears in sight she put on her best storytelling voice and got to work.

“Oh no!” Lucy exclaimed in a light voice. “The troll has taken me and the amazing ninja-wizards are nowhere to be seen!” She was relieved to see the twins scramble together their characters so they could join in – they had accepted the game.

“The two ninja-wizards hurried across the continent as they heard the queen’s cries,” Lucy read in a deeper voice. “They ran through forests, rode over deserts on camels, climbed mountains and jumped over rivers that were over 20 feet wide! And with their amazing speed, they arrived in only fifteen minutes!”

***

Levy waited a moment before making a noise. She had finally gotten Akane back to sleep after cradling her for the last hour. Gajeel was currently on watch, keeping the pram moving, which gave Levy an opportunity to check in on the twins and her two friends watching them.

As she observed her best friend and her pink haired situationship, her heart ached a little. She wanted Lucy to be the happiest version of herself – she wanted all good fortune to reach her, for all her dreams and desires to come true. And she wanted her to experience that one true love. For years, Levy and Lucy had read romance novels that described all kinds of relationships. Enemies to lovers, soulmates, friends to lovers, and all beyond and between. If Levy allowed herself to brag, she would say she won the jackpot. She had found her true love, she had experienced the full story. But in a way, that wasn’t enough for her. Levy took all her relationships seriously, both her familial, romantic and her platonic ones. If a friend of hers was hurting, then so would she. Now, that didn’t mean she thought Lucy was hurting from her relationship with Natsu – the opposite, actually. She was certain that Natsu made Lucy the happiest version of herself, which was only strengthening her resolve to get the pair together soon.

If you asked anyone else about Natsu’s and Lucy’s relationship, they would claim that they were staying out of their business. Levy, however, knew that those people were kidding themselves. Everyone waited for the day they would get together, when Lucy and Natsu finally would release the guild from the tension that had been built up from the constant expectations that lay heavy in the air. It hadn’t passed anyone’s attention that they loved each other. It hadn’t passed anyone on the entire continent – the two of them were meant to be.

Still, somehow their mutual feelings went past each other’s heads. The line between what was friendly and what meant something more had been so blurred that Levy wasn’t even sure if they could tell the distinction. For all she knew, they could have gone all the way, still thinking the other one didn’t love them back. Of course, if they had done that Lucy would have told her. Everything Natsu did eventually went past Levy – unless Lucy promised to keep a secret, she would tell her everything.

***

“Hey there babysitters.” Levy’s voice startled Lucy, who had been caught up trying to storytell herself out of a corner that Natsu had pushed her into. (Being surrounded by wild boars and having no armour, plus the two wizard-ninja-characters being locked up in a cell. Plus, Natsu’s dragon character had surrounded the princess-knight with a wildfire. Surely she could manage to get out of this situation without pulling the saved-by-the-dragon-card…)

“Hey Levy,” Natsu answered, himself not as startled since he had both smelled and heard her standing by the door watching them. “Ya’ got the baby to calm down?”

“Yeah, thanks for your help. Kanetatsu, Kanae, say thank you to aunty for playing with you, it’s time to go home.” Levy crouched down with a smile, catching the kids who charged right at her as soon as she finished her sentence.

“Thanks,” they mumbled in chorus. Levy sent a smile towards Lucy who handed her the bag that contained the toys they had played with.

“Don’t forget, bookstore tomorrow after lunch.”

“I won’t, I’m looking forward to it. Be safe on your way home!” Lucy waved goodbye to her blue haired friend. When she was out of sight, Lucy turned to Natsu, who had been standing right behind her during the parting.

“So, what’s for dinner?” A big grin was plastered on his face as he looked down on her. Their height difference wasn’t very big, but when they stood this close she almost felt like he was towering over her.

“We just had lunch and you’re already thinking about dinner?” Lucy asked, baffled, as she still felt stuffed from her meal.

“Ya’ gotta look forward to life’s pleasures,” Natsu argued. Lucy just scoffed.

“Well I suppose you can pick out dinner tonight, we have to buy groceries anyways. Someone’s been eating all the leftovers I’ve been saving.”

“I don’t get that leftover stuff. How can there be food left from one night of cooking?” Natsu put his arms behind his head. They had started heading home and were just leaving the building, Lucy taking the lead.

“Normally people don’t eat four portions in one go, that’s how.” She looked back at him, slowing her pace so she could walk beside him. “Though I guess I should thank you. I don’t exactly love reheated stuff.”

“Hah,” Natsu laughed curtly, “I know ya’ don’t! That’s why I ate it for ya’!”

“Oh, as if! Don’t act like you did me a favour!” She playfully hit his arm.

The sky was just shifting from blue to orange, making the sun give off a golden shine. Natsu looked good in gold. He looked good in all colours, but Lucy found him especially beautiful, lit up by the sun as if he was one of its rays. His skin had a healthy glow, his brown complexion mingling perfectly with the sunshine. Adding his gorgeous, sculpted profile to the mixture was almost too much for Lucy. Her knees wobbled a little, and she made herself look away before she truly melted.

***

After stopping by the store, the two of them were on their way to Lucy’s apartment. She almost made a mental note of how much money she put out for the food, but reminded herself that Natsu had been the one to pay this time. It was only fair, according to him, but Lucy felt bad either way. Even if he owed her this much, she still wanted to pay for the things in her own fridge. This once, though, she swallowed her pride and let him pay. It was nice to be cared for as well – he was even currently carrying the bags for her.

Natsu loved how independent Lucy was, he really did. However, sometimes he wanted her to be a bit more selfish. Ask for more. She was always the first to offer her seat on a full train, the first to give up her comfort for someone else’s. Even today, Natsu had to argue for five minutes before being allowed to carry both of the bags. He ended up spurting out claims to “need it for passive training” even though he knew it sounded stupid – Lucy couldn’t give up without a fight. Though he reminded himself that that too was a trait he was fond of. Her spirit was unwavering, and that could be quite helpful on missions.

That woman was truly remarkable, he caught himself thinking. He would have blushed, but thankfully it wasn’t as visible on his tanned skin. Besides, as a fire wielding mage, being bothered by having a hot face would have been quite silly. But the truth remained – he was completely smitten by his friend. Always catching himself in a longing gaze, following her movements and being at her beck and call if anything were to happen. It was as if his senses had tuned in with her existence. If she smelled differently, or if her smell faded, Natsu was the first to know. If she was shivering, he felt himself drawn to her like a magnet, like he had to fulfil his job of warming her up. If she made a sound, Natsu tuned out all other sounds. He didn’t even do this consciously – it was just part of life.

He recalled the day they had. He woke up with Lucy in his arms, ate breakfast with her, washed up in her bathroom and went to the guild with her. He spent the entire day in her vicinity, hanging out with the mates she hung out with, eating beside her, having a midday nap with his head in her lap, and then the babysitting. How he loved to hear her voice, no matter the things she was saying – the chirpy, singing tune that felt as natural to his ears as the sound of birdsong. Calming even, with a soothing effect on his mind. The fact that the voice was telling elaborate stories of ninja-heroes with magic powers and villains that could create volcanic eruptions out of nowhere was only a small detail – the content of her words barely mattered as long as he could hear her speak.

After getting released from babysitting duties, the two of them had continued to spend the day together. The trip to the grocery store wasn’t exactly exciting on its own – there was uncooked food and bright ceiling lights, none of them things that Natsu spent his day longing for. However, within this unappealing territory, a secret hid. The actual content of the store never became any more appealing, but walking along the aisles with Lucy was like entering a different world. A world where the two of them could stay together like this always, doing small, mundane tasks and still feeling fulfilled. In this world Lucy would ask about toothpaste preference, what type of coffee he wanted to have in the morning, despite her not drinking coffee, and she’d tell him off for only picking snacks that fit his own tastes. But he wouldn’t mind a little scolding, because at the end of the day, it was the fact that they were shopping together that made things special. She was making small changes in her kitchen so he could feel at home – that’s the world he never wanted to leave.

Currently, Lucy was patting down her pockets in search of her apartment key. He could see them in the back pocket of her shorts, but he didn’t bother mentioning it, since she would find them soon enough. He did, however, take this opportunity to tease her a little.

“Ya’ sure ya’ wanna stand out here and let the milk sour?” He grinned when he saw her whip her head around, her face clad with a scowl.

“I literally have the key in my hand, could you be any less patient?” Natsu could just make out that she rolled her eyes as she turned back around and unlocked the door. He was first to enter, still snickering from the teasing.

“You start chopping the vegetables, I need a shower.” Lucy shivered as she thought of the abundance of toddler-drool that must have been clinging to her body the past hours. Natsu confirmed her commando with a nod and started putting the food they wouldn’t cook with in the fridge. 

By now he knew her kitchen by heart. That too was one of those things he felt fond of. To be allowed in her space, trusted with her items – not everyone had the privilege. Her team could be allowed in as guests, granted permission to make themselves at home, but it didn’t really compare with what Natsu could do in her home. He had his own coffee cup, his assigned seat at the kitchen table and in her couch, his toothbrush was allowed in the same cup as hers in the bathroom, and hygiene products had their own little designated places in her cabinet over the sink. He had a drawer in her dresser, snacks in her kitchen, a place to put his sandals as he entered her hallway. He even liked to think that she saved some space on the left side of her bed for him to cuddle up against her at night, even if she pretended to dislike it.

But it wasn’t just her apartment that he had the privilege to share with her. Not just the physical, practical stuff. She always seemed to fit Natsu into her life, whether it regarded an empty chair beside her at the guild, or an open lap for his head to rest on the train. She opened up all conversations she had, for Natsu to join. He couldn’t see her purposefully ignoring or shutting him out if he tried – but now that he was thinking about it, he also realised that it went both ways. Time spent apart from her was time spent in vain. He couldn’t enjoy himself without her by his side.

***

“Do ya’ ever wonder how Nasha’s doin’?” Lucy looked up at Natsu who had broken the silent atmosphear, her fork stuck in the air between her plate and her face.

“Edo-Lucy’s kid?” She asked, confused as to why he’d ask her this out of nowhere.

“Yeah.”

Lucy tried to understand what he was asking for, but his facial expression was vague, not serving her any clues.

“Well…” she began, putting down her fork to think. “I suppose I sometimes think of her, but I’m sure she’s fine. Lucy and Natsu are really good parents, after all.” She couldn’t help but blush when she used their names in that context. She didn’t consider herself to be naive anymore – she could handle talking about their Edolas counterparts and their lifestyles as parents without stuttering and stumbling over her words. That didn’t mean she didn’t still feel a bit affected by the implications. She and Natsu rarely spoke about relationships and intimacy with each other, so naturally her face would get hotter if he brought up a subject like this.

“Guess you’re right,” Natsu said, still seeming lost in thought.

“What brought it on? Have you been thinking about the quest recently?”

It took a minute for him to answer.

“No, it’s more like… I’ve sorta been thinkin’ of my future?” Lucy nodded a little – it was clear to her that he had been thinking hard about it. Normally he seemed so content to just live in the moment, taking life one day at a time, but she knew it wasn’t as simple as that, not even for him. He too had goals beyond just having a good next meal. “Ya’ know, ever since I reunited with Igneel I’ve tried to keep my promise, to keep looking into the future.”

He was looking down at his plate as he spoke. Any time Igneel became the topic of the conversation, he became very aware of the fact that he would never see him again. He knew Lucy could see how talking about him troubled him, and he’d rather not look straight into her eyes as he did. It would definitely open the dams and clog up his throat – right now he wanted to keep his train of thought.

“I guess I’ve just been thinking about what I’m missing.” He frowned, realising that’s not exactly what he meant. “The Edo-versions of us seemed so happy when we met them. And Gajeel and Levy have been weirdly happy ever since they had kids. So I guess I’ve been a bit envious.”

Lucy smiled. She knew how he felt, she really did. Having a big, loving family had been a lifelong dream, so seeing people achieve exactly that before she even had her first kiss riddled her with jealousy at times.

“But do you really think a baby would fill that space?” She asked. Natsu scratched his head. He had already thought about that, analysed their families to really pin-point the differences. The result? Natsu had everything that Levy and Gajeel and Edo-Lucy and Edo-Natsu had, except for kids. He had a home, he had friends, he had a loving guild, and he shared an amazing bond with someone he’d consider his life partner. There really was nothing else.

“It’s the only part that’s missing,” he ended up answering.

“Don’t you want a girlfriend first?” A wife, she wanted to add, but silenced herself.

“Why would I need one? I have you.”

Lucy blushed a little but tried to laugh him off.

“Natsu, you realise that I can’t get pregnant out of thin air, right?” She glanced up at him through her bangs. Was he pouting?

“I know how babymaking works,” he said to her, shifting in his seat. He knew he had started the conversation, but it was taking an awkward direction. Lucy looked like she finally understood what he was hinting at, her mouth dropping slightly agape.

“I... N-natsu! Are you suggesting we…?” She couldn’t finish her sentence before he abruptly interrupted her. 

“I want a child.”

Lucy shrieked. Was this man hearing himself?

“I’m ready,” he continued.

“Well, I’m not! Hold on a second Natsu, have you really thought this through?” She crossed her arms over her chest.

“What’s with you? It’s not like we gotta make one right this second.”

“No kidding!”

The blush on Lucy’s face was spreading down her neck. She hurried to take a few deep breaths before Natsu sputtered out more nonsense.

“Look, it’s not that I would hate having a family with you,” she began, deliberately avoiding the dark eyes that were drilling through her. “It’s the part where you and I would make a family, that would be weird. I need romantic love to be involved in that process.”

Natsu observed her as she squirmed in her chair. Was she really this dense?

“Naturally there’d be love involved. What do you take me for?” He deadpanned.

“No, Natsu, I could only do that stuff with my boyfriend, you know that.”

Of course he knew that. He had been listening to her go on about her ideal boyfriend for years, he knew that hypothetical man inside and out.

“Couldn’t that be me though?”

Lucy frantically searched his face for any sign that he was pulling her leg. This had to be a joke – no way was this discussion happening over her dinner table on a normal Thursday.

“Are you asking me out…?” She felt herself blush harder as she voiced the thought.

“I s’pose I am,” he grinned at their odd predicament.

“Does that mean that you love me?” Lucy’s eyes were big as saucers.

“Of course I do.”

“Romantically, I mean. Not like a friend or team mate.” She cringed at her words, but she couldn’t afford mistaking him – her lifespan would actually be reduced to nothing if that were the case.

“Geez, Luigi, just what type of man am I in your mind? He seems awful.” Natsu muttered the last part, really hoping she’d counter it. Lucy, however, was still trying to register what he was doing. The man she loved was asking her out in the most Natsu-way ever, and she was just sitting there with her plate in front of her half full, feeling her jaw drop into her lap. “Of course I love you,” he clarified.

“No way.”

Natsu cringed.

“Is that your answer?”

Lucy flew up from her seat, her chair falling backwards with her momentum.

“What?! No! I mean, argh!” She grabbed her hair in frustration. “I love you too!”

Natsu’s eyes lit up.

“Really?” He grinned, standing up too to get a better look at her. She was sporting a wild blush, but her facial expression was stuck in a frustrated grimace. “You sure? You look constipated.”

Lucy would have reprimanded him if he didn’t have a point. Here she was, in the middle of her happiest moment alive, and her mouth was pressed together into a squiggly line. With a deep breath she softened her face and smiled.

“I’m sure. I really do love you.”

Natsu couldn’t hold himself away any longer. With his mouth twisted into a big smile, he closed the distance between them with a kiss. For a split second he found himself thinking that kissing wasn’t anything special, but that thought fled his brain the second Lucy kissed him back. Plush, soft lips, making movements so small they seemed more like adjustments. He loved it.

When they finally broke apart, Natsu had to ask.

“So what’s that stance on babymaking?”

Lucy giggled against his lips before mumbling her answer.

“Let’s take it one step at a time, stallion.”

_____________________________________

Notes: please pat me on the back for finishing this... it wasn't easy, especially considering the fact that i haven't felt very passionate for this prompt. but i did it! for some reason it was really hard to portray natsu? getting that perfect mixture of goofy and serious is harder than rocket science, please don't hate me if he was ooc. at least they kissed, lol

oh! and here's my crazy long motivation to gajevy babynames: Boy twin - Kanetatsu, has these kanjis 金龍 where 金 means gold, but is also used as a general term for metals. It also covers money, coins, golden colour, just to name a few. 龍 means dragon, an imaginary animal, an outstanding person, a hero. Thought that was fitting with Gajeel as a dad, but also Levy who I imagine came up with all names. Girl twin - Kanae, written with these kanjis 金恵, the first kanji being the same as Kanetatsu’s, whereas the second kanji, this one 恵, means grace, caring and compassion. Most people probably know this, but parents in Japan often use names that will sort of manifest the life for their kids, so I imagine Levy would put extra effort into these things, as it’s a symbol of what the parents are expecting from their kid as well. And then the newborn, I named her Akane with these kanjis 亜金 because I thought Gajeel would like to use the same kanji for all the kids, bc I can imagine he’d want to create a little Redfox-clan lol, and 亜 means companions, which I like as a nod towards the guild, but also to make her be part of her siblings, despite not being a twin.

(wow, what a ramble...) anyways, hope you enjoyed and i'll see y'all the next fic <3 happy october! xoxo

[razzmatash]

Not Yet Day 10 - Surprise Visit Love and Deepspace Sylus x f!OC 1431 Words Read on Ao3 banner by firefly-graphics

“Calli, you never mentioned that your boyfriend was loaded!”

Pulling her head out of her scrubs, Calli blinked at the woman that had swung around the lockers to face her. “Huh?”

She rolled her eyes before shaking a finger at her. “Your man. Not only is he good looking but he’s loaded as well?”

“Probably loaded in other ways too,” another voice chirped from the other side of the lockers, causing laughter through the room.

“Where is this coming from?” Calli asked warily, tugging her t-shirt down over her belly.

The other nurse’s eyes widened suddenly. “Oh, you didn’t know?”

“That he’s loaded? I already knew that.”

“Well, you’ll see soon enough!”

“Wait!” she said sharply as the other turned sharply to run away. “What the fuck are you talking about?!”

No answer came and she had the distinct impression that everyone was getting out of the locker room as quickly as they could.

Calli huffed to herself. What the hell was going on? Why would she suddenly mention Sylus like that? She’d never really hid the fact that she had a boyfriend. It would have been idiotic given how Sylus liked showing up to pick her up whenever he could and showing that they were very much together. But she didn’t talk much about what he did or where he came from. It was hard to keep the others at bay but most of them had picked up on the fact that she didn’t want to talk much about it.

Of course, that meant they started making things up. Government secret agent, mafia boss, playboy billionaire. Those were only the latest guesses she’d heard thrown around and she refused to acknowledge that she had heard them. They were having fun and Sylus always thought it was amusing when she told him.

But why would she say that?

Rolling up her scrubs, she tucked them into her bag and hefted it up. She needed to get home quickly so she could start prepping for tomorrow. While she was excited about having everyone over for holiday dinner, she wasn’t sure how it was going to go. So she wanted to get as much done tonight as she could and try to have a good night’s sleep. Then she could be ready for whatever chaos came from dinner.

She pulled on her jacket and started for the door. With any luck, transit wouldn’t be too bad and there wouldn’t be any hassles getting-

“Where are you taking her?”

“It better be somewhere nice!”

“Or maybe you should get her a ring!”

Calli paused at the chorus of voices that sounded suspiciously like the girls she worked with. Peeking around a corner, something odd happened. Her heart somehow sank and leapt at the same time. Sylus was standing near the nurses station, completely surrounded by the rest of her shift. It was them peppering him with questions! What were they doing? And what was he doing here? He’d told her he’d be busy until dinner tomorrow, wrapping up everything he could before they went on their holiday. Had he lied or had he actually wrapped up early?

“She’s deciding where we’re going.” Sylus’ smooth voice reached her, amusement laced through it. “Only she knows if it’s nice or not.”

“But you’re paying for it?”

“I am.”

“You also didn’t answer about the ring,” someone said slyly.

Her heart leapt into her throat and she hurried around the corner. They’d only been together a few months! What were they doing?! She didn’t want them to ask and she absolutely did not want him to answer!

She didn’t know if he heard her or if he somehow felt her approaching but Sylus looked up suddenly. She saw the smile spread across his face before his gaze dropped back down to the other nurses. “A ring?” he mused. “I wouldn’t be opposed but-”

“What are you doing here?” Calli interrupted, jerking to a halt on the other side of the small crowd.

The nurses all spun to face her before they all hurriedly left, saying their goodbyes and holiday wishes. Sylus continued to watch her with a smile, one eyebrow raised at her outburst. “Hello, sweetie,” he murmured, leaning down to meet her.

She reached up and covered his mouth with both of her hands. “Why would you answer that?” she whispered. “They’re just trying to get a rise out of you.”

He caught her wrists and pulled them away from his mouth. “I don’t think I’m the one they were trying to get a rise out of.”

Calli huffed, shaking her head. “But what are you doing here? Did you wrap up everything early?”

Sylus hummed, letting go of her wrists. One hand stroked over her hair while the other threaded their fingers together. “I did so I thought I would come help you tonight.”

And spend more time with you. The sentiment was unspoken but she heard it loud and clear. “I’d like that.”

Another smile before he was leading her away from the station where the girls were still watching them like hawks, waiting for more information. His almost comment on the ring was going to make the rounds but hopefully that would die down by the time she got back. Hopefully.

She gave a little wave as people chirped their goodbyes as they walked past but Sylus didn’t stop to let her talk to them. She didn’t mind. Her thoughts were starting to pile up with all the things they needed to do to prep for tomorrow. It would be a little easier with him there but maybe she could fit in a few more things so they could relax more tomorrow. Maybe-

A small noise left her when Sylus tugged gently on her hand before wrapping an arm around her waist.

“You’re overthinking it,” he said without looking, leading her out the door. “We’ll do what we can and finish the rest tomorrow.”

“But-”

“Kitten, we have time.”

She puffed out her cheeks before sighing. He was right. She’d had enough time when it was just her. With him there, they could finish early, maybe enjoy dinner together before tucking in for the rest of the night. She didn’t say anything as he took her to his car and helped her into the passenger seat. Instead, she just snuggled into it.

His laughter roused her a little bit as he pulled away from the hospital. “Comfortable?”

“It’s better than the bus,” she teased, making him chuckle.

“I should hope so.”

Calli smiled and almost purred as a large hand came to rest on her thigh. “Definitely don’t have that on the bus,” she murmured.

His fingers tightened for a moment. “I should hope not.”

It was her turn to laugh before they fell into a comfortable silence. But he didn’t let it last for long.

“Black diamonds,” he said quietly. “Platinum.”

She frowned, turning to him. “What?”

“I said I wasn’t opposed to it, kitten. Do you really think I haven’t thought about it?”

Her frown deepened. What was he talking about? Opposed to what? What would he be using diamonds and platinum-Calli froze in her seat, staring at him. “Sylus....”

“Maybe I should,” he mused. “It’s just a ring.”

Her heart thumped in her chest, her pulse ringing in her ears. “You....”

He caught her hand and brought it to his lips. She didn’t miss which finger he kissed. “But you don’t let me buy you jewellery,” he continued. “You don’t take it when I try to give it to you. Would you turn me down if I gave you a ring?”

She didn’t know what to say, her thoughts whirling again but going in a completely different direction.

Scarlet eyes slid to her and his lips quirked up. “What are you thinking about to look like that, sweetie? Can’t a man give his lover a gift?”

“But a ring?” she squeaked.

“What’s wrong with that?” he asked smoothly. “It’s just a ring. What do you think it is?”

She didn’t know what to think! Was he serious that it was just a ring because the girls were absolutely not asking about just a ring earlier? Or was he teasing her and actually being serious?

Another look and a soothing squeeze of her hand. “But I didn’t get to finish,” Sylus said quietly. “While I’m not opposed, I know it’s not time.”

Her heart was back to pounding wildly at the mere thought that he wanted that with her. Because she heard the unspoken yet at the end of his sentence.

[senselessviolets]

"So come on, mess me up."

Cassian Andor x Original Character

Rated M (Smut/Angst)

Word Count: 4.1k

AO3 Link

WARNINGS:

Unprotected sex, age gap/difference, power imbalance, rough sex, oral (f recieving), taunting, lots of arguing.

Author's Notes:

Song title (and fic very loosely inspired by) "Come On Mess Me Up" by Cub Sport. I'd let this man snap me in half like a toothpick, what more can I say?

Nyla Haccard is the 23-year-old daughter of a high-profile senator from Ralltiir and has secretly joined the Rebel Alliance fight against the Empire. She figures her overly-protective mother would annihilate her for joining the band of rebels, but Nyla knows she'd absolutely implode if she knew the kind of man her daughter had been working closely with for months now.

There was something delectably frustrating about him. It was innate as if his sole purpose in life was to throw me off balance. Our relationship hadn’t begun to take shape until we started being assigned to the same missions. We were efficient and always managed to get the job done relatively unscathed. Our case officer, General Draven, saw value in Cassian taking someone like me under his wing. I’d shown enough promise or they wouldn’t have recruited me in the first place. My family ties to the Senate gave me access that they couldn’t afford to lose. 

We represented Ralltiir, hailing from a long line of masons who became wealthy mining the endless deposits of marble embedded in the planet’s core. Regardless of what riches we’d come into; a long successful lineage was the truest indicator of wealth in the Inner Core. It’s why my parents shelled out every last cent they had to send me and my five other siblings to the finest educational institutes across the galaxy. My brothers and sisters all attended university on Coruscant. They dreamed of securing cushy jobs in the Senate all the while playing dress-up as politicians. I made a point of getting as far away from that way of life as I could, begging my mother and father to let me attend Theed University on Naboo. I’d said I wanted to pursue the arts and embrace my creativity. Of course, this was all a lie and a cover to join the Rebel Alliance in the fight to overthrow the Empire.

It was a relatively simple facade to maintain. Due to me being the ‘middle child’ and the most average of the family, I was able to fly under the radar rather easily. The vast amount of space in between us didn’t hurt either. I would have to take the occasional holotransmission and pray they couldn’t hear the loud metal clanking sounds of X-Wings being repaired in the background. Every family gathering—a bornday, Life Day, or some Imperial soiree—was an opportunity. At least that’s what General Draven told me back when I initially joined. Did part of me feel some intense pang of guilt in my stomach every time my mother would wrap me in a big embrace, knowing I was secretly siphoning intel off of her personal datapad? 

Of course. But that was a small price to pay for the cause. 

Gods know people had given up far more to get to where we are now. Cassian never let me forget that. Any hint of ungratefulness from me and he’d chew me out like there was no tomorrow. This latest briefing was no different. Me, him, and several other rebels were summoned at mealtime. We were meant to be discreet and to keep things strictly on a need-to-know basis which Cassian also hounded me for on the way to the briefing.

“...Draven means it, Ny. He does not want any chatter about this. It stays on the ground floor so no gossiping to your friends about it. Do you got it?” he chastises. 

“Oh, I’ve got it,” I say, my eyes finding their way to the ceiling, “Thanks for the much-needed reminder though.”

I pivot through the doorway of the mostly vacant strategy room. Draven, Vesti, Amon, and Zu-Lee stand waiting quietly around the holotable. A figure adorned in white walks into view, right out of the corner of my eye.

“Senator Mothma, I-I wasn’t expecting to see you,” I say, caught off guard by her appearance. 

Her presence was rare due to her being an incredibly busy woman but when she was here, you could feel it everywhere else. The energy becomes different. Things felt more certain and objectives became clearer. Mothma was more than pivotal; she was practically the lifeline of the cause.

“...how is your mother?” she asks, giving me a modest smile. 

“She is well,” I nod, “Thank you.”

Draven stands up straight, casting the blueprint of an unknown building onto the holotable. 

“Well, now that we’re all accounted for…let’s begin.”

///

“This is not gonna work,” Cassian mutters to himself, moments after exiting the strategy room.

I don’t think he had intended for me to hear him because when I intercept him in the hallway, Cassian feigns ignorance. 

“What did you just say?” I frown. 

“I didn’t say anything,” he says, even quieter.

“Don’t do that. Don’t be like that,”

“Don’t be like what?”

“Like a damn child! If you’ve got a problem with something, how about you speak up and come at it like an adult? Instead of this grumbly mumbly shit you love to pull whenever something doesn’t go your way,”

I can see something snap behind his eyes. I’m sure being deemed a child by someone so much younger than him had to be a major blow to his ego. He takes me by both shoulders and pulls me out of the flow of foot traffic and over to the side. We’re better secluded in the nook we find ourselves in. He briefly looks over his shoulder, ensuring we haven’t caused any disturbance. 

“I’ll have you know I didn’t have any expectations for this mission! Any! I didn’t know what base we were meant to infiltrate or which Imperial Officer we were supposed to track down!” Cassian says through gritted teeth, “How could I have any idea what this would entail?”

“Gods, you know what I mean. Just say you don’t think I can handle it. Just say you don’t think I’m good enough for the job—”

“You know that’s not how I feel!” “Then stop acting like that’s how you feel, asshole!” 

I storm away from Cassian, not giving so much as a glance back at him. But suddenly my movements are halted and I find a firm hand around my wrist. It’s tight, not enough to hurt or bruise but hard and swift enough to send a shockwave throughout the rest of my body. 

“Let go of me,” I say, lowly.

I hardly struggle. His jaw is clenched and brown eyes attempt to pry open my soul. We’re so close, that our breaths repel off of each other. A loose lock of umber-colored hair falls in front of his face—just above his eyelashes—and I try to suppress any sort of expression that follows. I’d be panting from the sheer tensity of the argument but pride tells me to keep it together. I can’t afford to unravel in front of him. Then I’d only be confirming his seemingly preconceived notions of me; that I’m not good enough. 

That I’m not cut out for the job. 

“Let go of me, you bastard!” I yell, far too loudly.

Silence overtakes the hallway and several passerbys stop in their tracks. I recognize one of them being a sentry from the recon-tower above base. He must be off for the night. I bet this altercation he’s just witnessed will worm its way into his and his pals’s topics of discussion in the Mess Hall later on. My mind is going a mile a minute. I can feel the blood thumping in my ears and the warm red hue that floods my cheeks. Embarrassment was an understatement. 

“I said, let go…” I say, sighing as he releases me. 

I speed off in the other direction, heading straight for my quarters. I don’t look back until I’m safe and secure behind the sliding door of my barracks. My heart still beats with vigor. A puff of air escapes my lips as I take a few steps forward and let myself fall face-first into my sleeper, groaning into my pillow. Cassian must really be that exhausting because, after a moment, I find myself drifting off. 

And away I go.

///

“Ny…Nyla? I-It’s me. Are you in there?” a haggard voice asks behind the door of my quarters, “Nyla?”

My eyes snap and I lift my head begrudgingly. 

“No, I’m not. Come back later perhaps?” 

“We need to talk. Sooner would be preferred,”

“Maybe I don’t care about what you prefer. Or what you want. So piss off.” I spit. 

The doors slide open before I even have time to react. I scramble to my feet as a silhouette–a mere blur in my peripheral—strides towards me. I pivot so I’m facing him. In my sleep, I must have shed a few layers. I’m only left with my bare essentials; attire he’d seen me in plenty of times before aboard his ship during particularly long journeys. I’m not entirely sure how much time has passed since we last saw each other but Cassian’s still wearing the same clothes. His jaw is clenched. There’s a fervor behind his eyes. 

Clearly, he came with an agenda.

“Oh, did you not hear me correctly? I believe I said…‘scram’,” I mock, making dramatic gestures in front of his face. 

“Enough of that,” he grunts, “You did a real good job making a fool of yourself back there. But then again, you’ve never been the most subtle, have you?”

“Subtle? You wanna talk about subtlety? How many bodies have I had to drag out of sight because you couldn’t show some damn trigger discipline, hm? And you want to paint me as the brash, impulsive one. That’s cute,”  

He paces across the room, letting his emotions drive his movement. 

“I should never have taken Draven’s offer. Evidently, it was a mistake. Us being assigned together. You’re impossible. You’re immature, spoiled, selfish, and have no grasp of what we’re up against,”

“Don’t you say that! Don’t you ever say that! I know what’s at stake. I know the risks. I’m not in it for the same personal glory you are. Who are you trying to impress seriously? No, seriously. Who? The other girls on base?” I scoff, “Please. If only you knew what they had to say about you,”

“I don’t care about that,” Cassian tries to convince himself.

I saunter closer to his position. His feet stay firmly planted. He doesn’t turn away. Our eyes are locked on one another. I don’t think I’ve ever held someone’s gaze for this long, much less a man’s.

“Sure you don’t,” I say in a drawl, “...y’know, it’s a big galaxy, Cass, but word travels fast. I know your type. I know how the second you see a married woman…you do cartwheels. You’re a complete and total skeeze. Through and through,”

Something shifts within him.

“...what else…what else have you heard about me, hm? Do you think a man like me…the type of man you think I am…would be able to stand this close to a beautiful woman and not be able to resist her?”

“W-Well, I’m not married so…I wouldn’t do it for you, I don’t think,” I say, lowly. 

I notice a stray piece of lint on the shoulder of his jacket. Nonchalantly, I go to brush it off of him but Cassian’s reflexes beat me to it. In a split second, his hand has encased itself around my wrist. His reaction startles me so much, that I laugh from the brief terror.

“Gods, would you relax! There was something on your jacket, I was just–”

“Don’t laugh at me like that.”

“...why not? I thought you didn’t care about what women thought of you. Mm, but maybe…maybe I’m the exception…am I just that irresistible, huh?”

I notice his eyes dart slightly down several times. It wouldn’t be until later that I’d realize he was fixated on my lips. His grip on my wrist doesn’t loosen but I’m not exactly itching to get him off of me. 

“Well…,” he begins.

“Well, what, Cass?”

“...aren’t you going to yell for me to let go?”

Ignoring the heat from somewhere deep within me, I decidedly pursed my lips, simultaneously sealing my fate. Leading the way, I pull us in the direction of my sleeper. He follows along as if my wrist were his guide. I sit on the edge of my bed, scooting back until we’re both completely on it. He props himself up with his free hand, pinning my hand to the mattress. A slight roll of my hips brings my thigh right into the front of his pants. This simple manuever has rendered him breathless it seems. Those frantic eyes don’t know whether to land on my own or my lips. I choose for him, leaning upwards into a firm but passionate kiss. His eyes flutter shut and I feel his lashes brush against my own. I swear I hear the slightest rasp of a whine in the back of his throat but before I know it—his two hands have found purchase on both sides of my face. He takes charge, his tongue ghosting across mine. I swear I feel lightheaded, even though I’ve done nothing strenuous enough to warrant such a symptom. 

“We…,” he moans in between kisses, “...we can’t be doing this,”

My lips find their way into the crook of his neck, grazing my teeth against the firm flesh. 

“Why?” I immediately challenge, “Because you’re older…because you’re my superior…because if they found out, they’d find the nearest moon and dump me there? No chance. They don’t give a shit. Are you even listening to yourself right now?”

“Less talking,” he says slowly, dragging his cold calloused hands up my stomach, “...fuck. You’re warm.” 

The fabric of my tank top catches on his fingertips and he pulls the shirt above my chest, exposing myself to him. Maybe a more decent man might take a delicate pace but Cassian wastes no time exploring my body. His hot wet mouth is everywhere. I don’t stifle my whimpers in the slightest. 

“It’s wrong….it’s wrong to want the things I want from you,” he growls, mouth full of flesh.

“What do you want from me then?”

In an instant, he’s off the bed and using my hips as handgrips to tug me to the very edge so my rear is hanging limp off of it, only held up by his shoulders. It’s a swift and seductive show of strength that I quickly try to take a mental snapshot of, knowing I’ll be thinking about it later. I wonder briefly if it's a technique he mastered over the years spent with many lovers. Beyond the obvious slick gathering between my thighs, my level of excitement only blooms at the thought of what else he might have in store.  He makes quick work of my bottoms, speckling my thighs with kisses all over as he traverses upwards to where I want him the most. Sometimes those kisses turn into gentle little bites. I practically squeal at the sensation, giggling as I feel him smile against my skin. I’m too shy in the moment to look down in his direction but I let my hand wander until I feel his umber locks, stroking softly when I find him. And then two chilled fingers run from the top of my mound downwards, pausing to circle my opening.

“This wet already, hm? What? Am I just that irresistible?” he playfully mocks me. 

I yank on his hair roughly in protest, to which I receive a light slap on my thigh.

“Hey. Behave,” Cassian says, dipping his tongue into me.

The whine that emits from my lips is so pathetic, that I expect him to give me a hard time about it—maybe do another hilarious impression of me. Instead, he has found far more productive uses for that mouth of his. That mouth I’ve wanted to slap him because of more times than I can count. The same one I’ve fantasized about absolutely devouring me ever since we first met. It was exactly as I’d imagined it.

The heat of his tongue, followed immediately by his cool breath as he inhales before diving in again. Before he inhales me. His head locked between my thighs, driving my lower half upwards as his strong shoulders rise. Clearly, his confidence is growing. I finally am feeling bold enough to look down. All I can see is a head of hair moving rapidly, desperate to keep up with the gyration of my hips. As if he can sense me looking down, he looks up, palming around for my other hand. I give it to him and our fingers interlock.

The intimacy brings me even closer to the edge. Before squeezing my palm tightly, Cassian then brings my hand to his scalp. For a moment I’m confused but then I realize that he wants me to use both of my hands to drive his head further into my cunt. So his hair momentarily becomes reins that I use at my discretion. I’m not gentle, but I’ve more than gotten the impression by now that he doesn’t want me to be. I’m erratic. I’m frenzied. I’m certainly not doing anything to dispel the “selfish” accusation he lobbed at me maybe ten minutes prior. 

That feels like a lifetime ago at this point though.

The pleasure growing from my depths is a warm and angry one. I didn’t know I could feel like this; I didn’t know I would like feeling like this. That same pleasure nearly spills over before Cassian positions me once again using my hips. This time he turns me over onto my stomach. The hand he has pressed into the small of my back keeps me in place. His other one is trying to free himself of his trousers desperately. Struggling to undo the buckle one-handed, I sit up, reaching back to offer him a hand of my own. My head bounces down onto the mattress as he swiftly pins both of my wrists to my back and with a grunt, manages to finally rip the belt and his pants off. 

“Not going to lie, I figure you’d make me finish,” I pant, “...but only so you could lord it over me ‘till the end of time,”

“Oh, baby. You think I’m done with you?” The combined use of baby and the intrusion of his cock entering me have me moaning wantonly. Cassian slowly bottoms out, jutting his hips so he’s as deep as physically possible. He’s almost flattened himself on top of me, the scruff of his beard prickling at my left ear. 

“Would the type of man you think I am go slow like this?” he coos, “Huh, baby? Or would he fuck you hard and rough like he paid for it?”

Cassian’s teeth nip the edge of my ear and I gasp. But the sudden punishing pace that he rails into me with practically has me winded. Every time he collides with my core, I’m left seeing stars. It’s indescribable. Like a flick of spark a flint and steel would give you. It’s hot and blinding and gone in an instant. Over and over again. 

“Touch yourself if you need,” Cass rasps, “but I’m not stopping.”

He gives me back one of my hands and I immediately go for my clit. My smaller more acute thrusts are a nice contrast to his more broad, all-encompassing ones. Meanwhile, he’s now moved on to grabbing my shoulders and using those to propel himself rapidly. It’s all so blissful and brutal. I don’t want it to end but I know if he continued like this for an eternity, I’d be broken down to a speck of nothing in no time.

It was almost a guarantee that I was going to be sore tomorrow. Future-Me was probably cursing the Present-Me for allowing him to go at it so hard but that was her problem to deal with. My only objective was to finish myself off before he could. I did not want to give that bastard the satisfaction. But the scent of myself in his facial hair made me realize what a lost cause that was. Before I know it, I’m spasming around him, cursing his name in a series of sobs. My mind goes blank and I’m pliant as he continues pushing into me. 

“Where d’you want me?” he says in a tone so husked I can barely understand him at first.

“Want you?”

“Want it. Where do you want it?” he reiterates.

“In me,” I murmur. 

“In you? Are you sure?”

“Did I stutter?” 

Cassian presses down on me hard as he cums and I groan. I can feel him throb inside of me. His hands now trace along my jaw, finally halting his movements whilst giving me a bit of reprieve. My quarters’ steady silence is soon deafening. We can hear everything; our rampant heartbeats, the wetness connecting us, the sound of skin simply brushing against skin. If he were a lover, it would be a beautiful moment. A moment of reflection, mutual understanding even. A reminder that what we were doing was okay and that we both cared for one another and we were safe.

With Cassian, these were partial truths. I have to suppress the part of me that wishes we were whole, that we had something beyond this shared neverending fight for survival. He gives me a feather-light kiss on the back of my neck. Something so tender that could only come from a partner. Maybe we could pretend. Maybe we would pretend. Show each other a brief devotion and chase off the doubts that swarmed us constantly. Outflank the regret and shame and make them both go darting off in the other direction.

Our greatest fears would fear us instead.

It was a nice escape from the happenstance. Is it strange that it wasn’t until this very moment that I fully processed Cassian being inside of me? Witnessing my most inner self. The man who I’ve wanted to punch more times than I can count. I burst out laughing at the thought. 

“What? What is it?” he smiles, lifting off of me.

“Nothing,” I giggle, “It’s nothing, it’s just…you.”

I turn over, sighing a sigh that could only be sighed from a girl who’d just gotten her brains fucked out. Cassian rolls out of my bed and I’m able to finally get a good look at his physique. He’s about as toned as I’d expect him to be and his chest hair is trimmed and neat. It’s a brief spell of sightseeing as Cassian is quick to redress. I hardly have the energy to make myself neat again, instead opting to use my bedding to obscure my lower half. Once I get the notion that he’s about to depart, I stop to query him. Not because I was hoping we would cuddle afterward (I never saw him as the type), but because I was curious what kind of shenanigans he was going to get up to before we’d have to leave in the morning. 

“...the U-wing. There’s some upkeep I have to do if we’re to make it off the surface successfully…for the mission,” he answers with a small smirk.

Color me surprised.

“W-Wait, so…you’re gonna let me go through with it? You’re not gonna blab to Draven like you said you would?”

“After having some time to reconsider…and to…cool off, I have had a change of mind,”

“Yeah, I wonder what spurred that,” I scoff, bringing the sheets up over my chest. 

“That’s not what I meant, Ny. I-I hold out on you sometimes…because I don’t want you getting hurt. Or killed. I have a lot I carry with me but…I’d rather not add you to that list if you know what I mean,”

I swallow thickly. Finally, some insight. Some clarity into this man’s thought process and psyche. But part of me questions if it’s unveiled itself too late. The damage was done. I lean forward and swing my legs off the side of the bed, looking up at him with doe eyes. He tenderly brushes a few stray locks of hair away from my face. 

“...t-that’s fine, Cass. But for this to work, I need you to believe that when the time comes and it's down to the wire and things are looking dark…that I’ll be able to handle it. Handle myself. Handle whatever gets thrown at us. I’d ask you to trust me but...we both know how little weight that word holds in this pursuit. So I’ll ask you instead…can you believe in me?”

A moment of stillness passes.

“Yes,” he says, firmly, “but that doesn’t mean I’m still not gonna do everything in my power to save your skin when the time comes. No matter how much you drive me crazy.”

End.

[waitmyturtles]

Turtles Catches Up With Old GMMTV: KinnPorsche, and Analyzing the KP Cultural Zeitgeist Edition (Part 1)

[What’s going on here? After joining Tumblr and discovering Thai BLs through KinnPorsche in 2022, I began watching GMMTV’s new offerings -- and realized that I had a lot of history to catch up on, to appreciate the more recent works that I was delving into. From tropes to BL frameworks, what we’re watching now hails from somewhere, and I’m learning about Thai BL's history through what I’m calling the Old GMMTV Challenge (OGMMTVC). Starting with recommendations from @absolutebl on their post regarding how GMMTV is correcting for its mistakes with its shows today, I’ve made an expansive list to get me through a condensed history of essential/classic/significant Thai BLs produced by GMMTV and many other BL studios. My watchlist, pasted below, lists what I’ve watched and what’s upcoming, along with the reviews I’ve written so far. Today, in a two-part series, I offer my thoughts on KinnPorsche, my very first Thai BL, and the impact that I think KP has had on the Thai BL industry since 2022.]

Hot damn! It has been a MINUTE since my last OGMMTVC review, so I'm glad to be back. I've been very much looking forward to writing my thoughts about my recent KinnPorsche rewatch: I enjoyed this ENTIRE process, especially in regards to watching KinnPorsche in the context and chronology of past Thai BLs, and man, did I ever see KP WAYYYYY differently than the first time I watched it.

Why's that? Welp -- *KinnPorsche was my first-ever Thai BL*. (Not my first BL drama ever; that award goes to the GOAT, Kinou Nani Tabeta?/What Did You Eat Yesterday?)

But when I joined Tumblr officially in July 2022, just about a year and a half ago (in the heat of passionately obsessing over Old Fashion Cupcake), my dash was awash, AWASH, in KP posts. AWASH.

I had no idea what the fuck the algorithm was telling me.

I went into KinnPorsche knowing absolutely NOTHING about Thai BL tropes, the history of the genre, the actors in the roles, what made KP so innovative by way of its storyline, NADA. Dudes -- I'm half-Malaysian, and I had never even watched a show from the Southeast Asian region, let alone Thailand, and I was unaware of how prolific the Thai drama industry was (at least compared to the Korean drama machine).

When I first watched KinnPorsche, my perspective was that I had watched a pretty good show, and I was left surprised back then in particular by the No Homophobia Bubble (well, almost no homophobia, Big) that I now know is so much more common in Thai BLs than I realized.

It was through KinnPorsche that I discovered Thai BLs, and it was subsequently through Bad Buddy that I realized that I NEEDED to understand the development of this national genre -- so back to the history annals I went, through my OGMMTVC project, starting from 2014's Love Sick, and here we are at this moment of the timeline, the hot hot late spring and summer of 2022, enjoying the ✨vibbbeeezz✨ between Mile Phakphum and Apo Nattawin, and leaving me wondering why there was a national shirt button shortage in the midst of a Thai mafia crime drama. I'm glad I have history on my side now as I think about KinnPorsche as a standalone drama, and as I also think about the impact it has had on the Thai BL genre and fandoms prior to its premiere, up to today's moment in time.

I took my time to draft this piece partly because I was busy watching Be On Cloud's second and latest serial drama in Dead Friend Forever. I think BOC is doing something very interesting by way of their acting and contracted scripting choices, which I want to ponder by way of the context and aftermath of KP's airing. As such, while I had intended to write just one post about KP, I have a bunch of thoughts that'll spill over to tomorrow. So here we go, a quick overall outline for the lovers for today and tomorrow on my ruminating thoughts:

1) My critical thoughts on KinnPorsche as a standalone drama in the context of the history of previous Thai BLs, 2) My thoughts on how new arrivals to the wider Thai BL fandom shaped the perception of KP vis à vis older Thai BLs, 3) How I think KP has impacted how other studios approach, market, and write Thai BLs now, and 4) A quick passing thought on BOC's own continued influence on the Thai BL genre and industry since 2022, particularly by way of Dead Friend Forever.

I'm going to concentrate on numbers 1 and 2 in this piece, and they're actually going to be a touch conflated, because I want to lean into a now-obvious fact that the BL Elder community knew all along about KP when it first aired in 2022: there was not much that was new about what KinnPorsche was doing. (This is not necessarily a bad thing, as I’ll get into below.)

When I was a newbie on Tumblr, and the algorithm was feeding my dash, I remember seeing posts about how Be On Cloud, the studio behind KP, was doing things differently than the rest of the Thai BL field -- I recall posts about the studio hiring the best acting coaches, how the cinematography was nothing like what we had seen in other shows, and how Be On Cloud was committed to creating safe environments for its actors, particularly Apo Nattawin, who had reportedly faced discrimination in his past acting career, reportedly leading him to leave the Thai drama industry for a number of years.

While some very early Thai BL studios were known to not have the safest or friendliest environments (the filming of What The Duck comes to mind by way of this lore), by the time of KP's airing, GMMTV had strongly established itself as the leader of Thai BL productions, and other players, including New Siwaj and Cheewin Thanamin, had produced quite the number of dramas under each of their respective studio outfits. The industry, by 2020 and 2021, when KP was in its development origins, wasn't new anymore. Acting coaches, such as Aof Noppharnach, were now also regularly writing, directing, and producing original shows, and major BL studios had introduced workshopping as a regular step to production. On the artistic end, studios and writers had established expected artistic tropes -- 2018's Love By Chance is the first example that comes to my mind of when the Thai BL genre crystallized in a structurally derivative piece of art by way of containing and using prior trope references and dynamics.

Be On Cloud, in picking up the KinnPorsche script from Filmania during the pandemic (I use these posts here and here for my non-primary sources of KP lore) clearly knew it had something innovative on its hands by way of producing the genre's first mafia-based BL romance.

But 2020's Manner of Death had already introduced crime and mystery to BL, and 2021's Not Me continued a multi-genre perspective somewhat successfully around romance. And regarding sex and heat: KinnPorsche didn't do that first, either. MaxTul brought it first in 2017's Together With Me, and MAME has owned this corner since 2018's Love By Chance and 2019's TharnType. (Props to MaxTul for being in both Together With Me and Manner of Death; MileApo owe those dudes some beers.) By way of cinematography, which KP does extremely well: we had already begun seeing prestige cinematography in 2020's I Told Sunset About You, and 2021's I Promised You The Moon and A Tale of Thousand Stars.

It was natural, I think, for much of the KP fandom to think that KP was innovative in a lot of these categories, because, like me -- KP was our first-ever Thai BL. By way of money clearly spent on the show, the directorial purview of the show, the utterly gorgeous cinematography (man, that nighttime pull-away shot when the guys are in the roof pool, oof, why couldn't I find a gif), a new fan might think, geez, this has never been done before! But it had, and not just in Thailand, but for years prior in Japan, and more recently in Korea.

This is ALL not to say that KinnPorsche “suffered” because of what I'm uncovering by way of KP's misunderstood innovation. I think a perception of KP being entirely “new” in the BL field has contributed to its lore and enduring influential status. On this rewatch, I appreciated the mafia-based storyline as a support system to the central KinnPorsche romance. Yok being centered as an important mentor to Porsche, played by the inimitable Sprite Patteerat, was refreshing to see. Porsche accepting his bisexuality, especially with Yok's support, without the typical BL head-spinning queer revelation, was a welcome element to the show. And, frankly -- I had, on my first watch, missed, of course, the clear references to Thai BLs of the past in this show, references that I really loved seeing this time around.

From the old school, we got Kob Songsit, the OG BL dad, no longer Tong's dad in the seminal movie, The Love of Siam, nor Dean's dad in Until We Meet Again. This BL veteran is now a damn dad don, weapons and all.

We've also got Na Naphat, who played important side characters in IPYTM and UWMA. We have former BL lead guys in Jeff Satur and Perth Nakhun. We've got guitars and singing, we have underwater smooching, we have a cute-cute first date. We arguably have questionable kabedon in Kinn's and Porsche's first intimate moments. We have cooking for your lover, we have feeding your lover, we have the towel-drying of the hair. KP, by 2022, keeps up with Idol Factory's Secret Crush On You in prominently featuring a femme-presenting side character in Tankhun, PHENOMENALLY ACTED by Tong Thanayut, who we had seen previously in TharnType.

KP was, in part, directed by Pepzi Banchorn, who served as an assistant director on 2019's Dark Blue Kiss and 2021-22's Bad Buddy, and had a quick guest spot in 2022's The Warp Effect. KP was also, in part, directed by Khom Kongkiat, who played Uncle Tong in Bad Buddy, and subsequently directed The Promise in 2023. AND, finally, one of the KP screenwriters is Bee Pongsate, who has co-written so much flippin' BL: Last Twilight, Bad Buddy, Dangerous Romance (😬), Vice Versa, My School President, A Tale of Thousand Stars, 2gether and Still 2gether, and that's not even scratching the list -- you get it.

KP's supporting cast and crew was simply stacked with BL vets, who clearly knew the scene, and who helped to support Mile Phakphum's rookie acting and Apo Nattawin's return to the screen. I'd posit that this group of people knew EXACTLY what references they were putting into KinnPorsche, from actors to tropes, and also knew when, where, and how to innovate around those references to still make this show unique.

Certainly, KP's approach to sex and heat -- by way of Kinn's and Porsche's first drunken encounters (hi again, MaxTul), the uncut intimate scenes between them, and Vegas's and Pete's union by way of, well, semi-torture and/or kink -- was bold enough to be overall quite notable. But again: Thai BLs had been pushing that envelope for years past, and it has continued to do so in shows like MAME's Love In the Air and GMMTV's Only Friends.

In other words: after this rewatch, with the history of the older Thai BLs I've watched under my belt, I don't see KinnPorsche as firstly innovative. But I appreciate the show differently now, in particular for how very obvious it worked to include past Thai BL references in its production, and I actually gained a different appreciation for it.

I also want to made a quick tangential note about Apo and Tong specifically by way of innovation. Dr. Thomas Baudinette, a long-time BL fan and academic researcher on Thai and Japanese queer media, notes in his book, Boys Love Media in Thailand, that an ideal trajectory for a Thai BL actor is to debut in BLs in order to transition to more popular primetime het Thai dramas, as Gulf Kanuwat of TharnType, and Ohm Thitiwat and Kao Noppakao of UWMA and Lovely Writer, respectively, are notably doing at the moment. Apo Nattawin did this the other way around: he had established his career in het lakorns, most notably in 2015’s major hit drama, Sut Khaen Saen Rak, and subsequently left the Thai drama industry after reportedly being discriminated against for his skin tone and fashion choices. And his way back to the industry was through BLs. Taking the lore of Mile Phakphum recruiting Apo for KP out of the picture for a moment: I think this indicates a shift in how BLs are increasingly perceived in Thailand, and even globally, as being a career-worthy genre of content on its own for actors. (Apo's exploding fashion career is proof of this.) And BOC has now recruited another lakorn vet in Jes Jespipat for its third upcoming drama, 4 Minutes.

As well, Tong Thanayut’s very public coming out after the conclusion of KP’s airing is notable for how Be On Cloud has continued to center Tong in its productions after that fact, most notably in 2023’s film, Man Suang, while other out BL actors are not as lucky by way of guaranteeing and attracting future work.

I have a lot more to say about KinnPorsche's and Be On Cloud's impact on the current Thai BL industry, and how I think that impact has affected the marketing and creation of more recent shows like 2023's Only Friends, and 2023-24's Playboyy. But this first post has gotten long, and I actually haven't written much about the actual show itself, HA. So let me say this:

I think it's notable that the first shows that played around with themes outside of romance, like 2020's Manner of Death, and 2021's Not Me, were not perfect shows. We see now how multi-genre BLs are just exploding, what with Dead Friend Forever and the upcoming slew of vampire BLs that are going to drop (and let's not forget the first omegaverse BL drama in Pit Babe -- or should we forget it, I dunno). Not all of these shows are perfect, but the genre has only been around for a decade. There's a lot of time, and a tremendous amount of interest and funding, that upcoming shows can leverage to become better, especially these multi-genre shows that we're seeing more of.

KinnPorsche as well, was not a perfect show. I have some thoughts particularly on VegasPete to offer tomorrow, and I think, overall, that KP could have easily been a shorter series with more impact.

But I'll still give the show some of its flowers, because I think, unlike MoD and Not Me, that KinnPorsche did a better job of centering the Kinn and Porsche romance for dramatic effect, particularly by leveraging comedy. Were there many moments of hibbly-jibblies? Oh, totally. Dudes, also, Kinn fucking forgot about Pete! Pete coming back to the house and reminiscing about Vegas while holding his neck? Eeeeyikes, no thanx. There were a number of these weird bumps that I think could be explained by way of intentional camp (which I think KP did pretty well), but I do believe the show could have been tighter with more editing.

But, I gotta admit: I had a great time re-watching KP. That says something. Was it the heat that tiddled my dopamine cycles? Probably, somewhat. (No shame in my game.) Or -- a more reasonable theory, ha, is that Apo, as a veteran actor, demonstrated more range than I originally remembered. He can really do comedy well, and he timed his comedy perfectly for the absurdities that peppered KP through the series (the bread crawl, the constant throwing of hands, the jumping-on-Kinn when the ghost of Pete showed up, oh shit we're in the forest now, etc). Apo and Tong, in particular, stayed true to the bit many times during the show, and I think the series benefitted greatly from their collective comedic talent and timing -- which I thought was nicely refreshing for the genre.

With that, I'll have more ruminating tomorrow about the show itself, about how I think the impact that KP and BOC have had on the genre after KP's airing, and other thoughts about the cultural moment that KP demarcated when it aired -- see you tomorrow!

[MORE MORE MORE KP tomorrow! And I'll have more thoughts about the watchlist then. But for now, here's the classic OGMMTVC list for you to chew on!

1) The Love of Siam (2007) (movie) (review here) 2) My Bromance (2014) (movie) (review here) 3) Love Sick and Love Sick 2 (2014 and 2015) (review here) 4) Gay OK Bangkok Season 1 (2016) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here) 5) Make It Right (2016) (review here) 6) SOTUS (2016-2017) (review here) 7) Gay OK Bangkok Season 2 (2017) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here) 8) Make It Right 2 (2017) (review here) 9) Together With Me (2017) (review here) 10) SOTUS S/Our Skyy x SOTUS (2017-2018) (review here) 11) Love By Chance (2018) (review here) 12) Kiss Me Again: PeteKao cuts (2018) (no review) 13) He’s Coming To Me (2019) (review here) 14) Dark Blue Kiss (2019) and Our Skyy x Kiss Me Again (2018) (review here) 15) TharnType (2019-2020) (review here) 16) Senior Secret Love: Puppy Honey (OffGun BL cuts) (2016 and 2017) (no review) 17) Theory of Love (2019) (review here) 18) 3 Will Be Free (2019) (a non-BL and an important harbinger of things to come in 2019 and beyond re: Jojo Tichakorn pushing queer content in non-BLs) (review here) 19) Dew the Movie (2019) (review here) 20) Until We Meet Again (2019-2020) (review here) (and notes on my UWMA rewatch here) 21) 2gether (2020) and Still 2gether (2020) (review here) 22) I Told Sunset About You (2020) (review here) 23) YYY (2020, out of chronological order) (review here) 24) Manner of Death (2020-2021) (review here) 25) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) (review here) 26) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For The Sake Of Rewatching Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (re-review here) 27) Lovely Writer (2021) (review here) 28) Last Twilight in Phuket (2021) (the mini-special before IPYTM) (review here) 29) I Promised You the Moon (2021) (review here) 30) Not Me (2021-2022) (review here) 31) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) (thesis here) 32) 55:15 Never Too Late (2021-2022) (not a BL, but a GMMTV drama that features a macro BL storyline about shipper culture and the BL industry) (review here) 33) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) and Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (2023) OGMMTVC Rewatch (Links to the BBS OGMMTVC Meta Series are here: preamble here, part 1, part 2, part 3a, part 3b, and part 4) 34) Secret Crush On You (2022) (review here) 35) KinnPorsche (2022) (tag here)  36) KinnPorsche (2022) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For the Sake of Re-Analyzing the KP Cultural Zeitgeist

...interrupting the OGMMTVC list here to watch War of Y (2022) (watching) in chronology to decide if it gets listed...

37) The Eclipse (2022) (tag here) 38) The Eclipse OGMMTVC Rewatch to Reexamine “Genre BLs” and Internalized/Externalized Homophobia in GMMTV Shows  39) GAP (2022-2023) (Thailand’s first GL) 40) My School President (2022-2023) and Our Skyy 2 x My School President (2023) 41) Moonlight Chicken (2023) (tag here) 42) Bed Friend (2023) (tag here) 43 La Pluie (2023) (review coming) 44) Be My Favorite (2023) (tag here) (I’m including this for BMF’s sophisticated commentary on Krist’s career past as a BL icon) 45) Wedding Plan (2023) (Recommended as an important trajectory in the course of MAME’s work and influence from TharnType) 46) Only Friends (2023) (tag here) (not technically a BL, but it certainly became one in the end) 47) Last Twilight (2023-24) (tag here) (on the list as Thailand’s first major BL to center disability, successfully or otherwise) 48) Cherry Magic Thailand (2023-24) (tag here) (on the list as the first major Japanese-to-Thai drama adaptation, featuring the comeback of TayNew) 49) Ossan’s Love Returns (2024) (adding for the EarthMix cameo and the eventual Thai remake) 50) Dead Friend Forever (2024) (thoughts here) 51) 23.5 (tag here) (2024)]

[concerningwolves]

god I'm reading Devon Price's latest substack essay on burnout, and it's.. it's confirming and crystallising something that I've suspected for a long time, actually.

See, all throughout school, I would have days – roughly every month or so, sometimes two months – where I became Unwell. The symptoms never really fit anything, but I'd be exhausted, irritable, headachey, sometimes feeling kind of feverish. Most importantly, i'd just Know that I couldn't cope with school that day. I can remember these starting in middle school and getting more frequent and pressing into high school. When I did take the day off, I'd watch TV or films and sleep a lot, and then by the evening – if it wasn't a weekend night – I'd be in this weird place of feeling rested but also crushingly anxious with the knowledge that i'd just be back at school tomorrow. Holidays weren't truly restful either, except for maybe the middle two weeks of the six-week summer break. The two week Christmas and Easter breaks? I'd start to feel a bit better towards the end of the first week, then the dread would build up again throughout the second week. By my GCSEs, I couldn't keep up my academic drive, so I picked the subjects I most wanted to do well in (English, German, Biology, and History + maths because I needed to pass it so I could be done with it), focused my revision on those, and coasted by with perfunctory revision on the other seven subjects. It's honestly shocking to me that I got a full 12 GCSEs. People tell me that my results were good, and I know that logically they're right, but it took me a long time to be proud of them because I always knew that I hadn't really tried. It took me even longer to accept that if I had given every subject my all, it probably would have broken me.

As it was, I made it into my first term of college before I hit breaking point. Three A Levels (English lang & lit, history, psychology), dreams of a career in psychology or psychiatry, writing in all my spare time. I'd been very mentally unwell all through high school, but I'd always imagined that college would be my escape. First I was going to study philosophy, history, and English literature – but then that college had to drop the philosophy course. My next chosen college was an incredibly competitive college that held students to very high standards. I had the grades to get in, and I was dithering between a selection from English literature, history, classical studies, sociology, philosophy, or psychology. But I never made it in, because I missed the induction day. Students who missed the induction day automatically forfeited their placement. In hindsight, that was the first warning, but instead I felt wretched for a few days, then decided, fuck it, I was going to my final last choice college instead.

And in less than six months, I had an absolute breakdown. Anyone who was following me circa 2018 may remember the fallout. Skill regression. Low mood. Weeks spent just watching Supernatural or sleeping. Panic attacks. I never truly got my feet back under me. I dropped down to one a level and abandoned all thoughts of university, and scraped by college until I could just get out of there.

And reading this article, looking back at the trajectory of my life since 2018, it's... Eye-opening, to say the least. I don't know if I'm recovered or still recovering, or adjusting to my new baseline, nearly seven years later. Sometimes I wonder if an autism diagnosis earlier might have helped – might have given me the language and the tools to understand what was happening to me on all of those Unwell Days. So I grieve for that potential. I don't hate my life now, it's just.... I have to wonder, you know? What might have been. Could I have caught the burnout sooner? Headed it off? I don't know. I can't know. all I've got is where I'm at now, which is certainly something to be proud of, because I made it, even if I'm not anywhere near what's "normal" or "expected" of a 23 year old. and I have my whole life ahead of me yet. 23 years is nothing, in the grand scheme of things. Remembering that is always a balm.

But still I wonder. I grieve. It's hard not to.