#I have to create a balance you see
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time for another foolish cyhaino comic script ✨
screenshot featuring Kaveh's unfortunate third-wheeling in the library 😔
#genshin impact#cytham#haino#cyhaino#al-haitham#cyno#literally all my fics about them are angsty#I have to create a balance you see
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A procession of confessions.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#lan xichen#jin guangyao#lan wangji#When Lan Xichen and Jin Guangyao flew into the scene I honestly had to hit pause and catch my breath.#I did not expect them to waltz in and start flirting with each other.#With this comic I have officially drawn all sides of 3zun doing something homoromantic with each other. Nice!#Lan flirting is offering to organize events. “Please...let me open up my planner...do you want to create a shared google calendar with me?”#“Oh...we will have to spend so many nights at a desk working out logistics. Do you want to see how good I can balance these accounts?”#Lan events probably have the best 'stayed within budget' reputation of all the clans.#What I mean to say is...Where are the Lan Wedding planner AUs? Actually scrap that: ALL the sects as rival wedding planners.#The Jins would do high end clients with huge budgets. Lans do traditional style weddings. Yunmeng Jiang promises fun and colour.#Sit with my vision for a moment. I'm going to move on to another topic but don't *not* marinate on that idea.#Pour one out for Lan Wangji. For having to sit through all this flirting and confessing while he ruins his own chances.#He will have to wait many years before living out his romantic fantasies. Until then...he must wait in the wings for his cue.
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Hmmm. Butterfly!Félix and Champion!Kagami. When the Butterfly is NOT used for evil, it creates a more equal channel, allowing the Holder and their Champion to freely communicate and feel what each other is feeling, while also having the ability to limit what the other feels from them, both for privacy reasons and to not overwhelm them. A good Butterfly Holder often likes to have a small group of Champions they trust to call upon and give powers to as a result, seeing as it’s a display of trust.
Butterfly!Félix calls upon Kagami the most, both out of trust for her and because she’s always willing to jump into the fight anyways so might as well give her a boost with some powers.
While sometimes Butterfly!Félix stays back and defends wherever her Kamiko is, he’s also been known to be a more hands-on Butterfly Holder and likes to assist her during the fight, making them one hell of a power couple.
Do you see my vision.
#miraculous ladybug#I wanna see the Butterfly used more for good SO BAD#Nooroo’s powers aren’t even meant to create Akumas! So if it’s used NORMALLY then surely the balance evens out#Also. Power Couple Feligami at it again. yeah#felix graham de vanily#felix fathom#kagami tsurugi#feligami#I’ve been having a lot of Feligami thoughts recently. could not tell you why
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I made a lmk oc
#they’re supposed to be some sort of experiment to see if people could recreate Sun Wukongs stone egg. the goal was to make a more controlled#and tame version using carved wood and cultivation. but eventually they got worried about it becoming too powerful and scrapped it#eventually they come to life and live in the abandoned temple they were built in#their bottom half is made of wood because when they came to life their creator/s left them unfinished when they scrapped the project#they had to carve the rest of their body out of hunger and frustration because they couldn’t eat or move much by crawling on their top half#this is also why they spite their creators and hate irresponsible creation. because of abandonment issues and feeling like they have no#purpose or direction in life#their power is also very limited to due being man made since they were originally a wood carving#meo gave me the idea but one reason would be because they’re half finished. the sculpture was still half stump so it was completely untouche#that half can channel power in its raw form but the other half cannot once it’s been carved by man#so technically they could have the same level or potential for power as the stone but that was dampened#the other thing is how they were created to be a duplicate or recreation of a stone monkey and a celestial looked at that and was like#‘we’re not doing that again’ LMAO#i think the case of them carving their own legs doesn’t take away their power though. that balance was made#before they came to life so carving the legs or not can’t affect it anymore. like making a cake and slicing it#their energy levels are also naturally low because of that so their movements are sluggish and they aren’t very active overall#constantly lying in the sun to charge their batteries and get some stuff done. just like me fr#I actually don’t know what I’m gonna do with this character besides Put Them In Situations with other ppls ocs.. so if you have#a lmk oc you have been warned /lh /j#I wanna make some backstory art for them though.. maybe even the animatic treatment if I can get through dear wormwood which is 25#SECONDS OUT OF 3 MIN BTW#doodles#Lego Monkie kid#lmk#Monkie kid#lmk oc#monkie kid oc#myart#my art#xin ya
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a few Carlos moments from the 2024 Azerbaijan GP
#carlos sainz#charles leclerc#autumn posts#so many insta moments saved!! and most this quality hehe#not HQ but still I fawn!!#the middle especially AHHH his lap 😵💫 ok!!!!#hoping to do this more to share what I have in the backlog that I haven't seen here yet tho totally could've missed someone posting these!!!#I know I talk about it a lot in the tags but ahhhh I'm usually at work 🙃 kinda have a super unbalanced relationship with my job#but it means I'm usually so behind on the dash and there are so many incredible fics I cannot wait to read!!!!!#so many things I miss#thank you everyone for sharing what you create ❤️#and thank you for your patience with me as I catch up!!!#like literally no one is putting pressure on me haha but I do it too much to myself!!#always feeling like I'm running behind but I know that's not how fandom works!!#it's wonderful to pop in and share whenever feels best!!#anyways tl;dr I'm hoping to catch up more soon and just hella thankful for all the kindness here ❤️#I worry way too much (as evident!!) and slowly finding balance where I can have more time to do what I love in life#anyways it means a lot to ramble here!!#I'm a single pringle usually alone in my office or the apartment (except blessed weekends with friends! and stressful work events hehe)#so having this space means so much to me!! and to all the online spaces where it can feel like a little respite#and there is still so much to see!! (I've not even seen dts or Carlos and Daniel's vlogs like!!!! woah!!!! so much!!! 😵💫 but also 🥳)#I've only seen a few of the Don't Blink episodes!! and some races from the past so far!!#and cannot wait to be yelling over fics soon omg the premises I've seen!!!!! AHHHHHH I always want to comment so you'll be hearing from me!!#but now back to work (for just a little longer!!)#hoping everyone is well ❤️ and hope you have a restful evening morning and afternoon too!! 🌃🌇🏙️❤️
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THE BEST OF THE NORMANDY SUMMIT
Featuring: Cmdr. Sophie Shepard, Primarch Adrien Victus, Dalatrass Linron, and Urdnot Wrex With: Comm. Specialist Samantha Traynor Commander, you need to keep Cerberus at bay- I can't overstate what a victory a treaty between the Turians and the Krogan would be for the Alliance. We need all the help we can get... Mass Effect 3: Legendary Edition (2021)
#mira makes gifs ✨#sophie shepard#urdnot wrex#samantha traynor#mass effect#mass effect 3#me3#mass effect legendary edition#dailygaming#finally got around to gif'ing the sur'kesh footage and i ended up splitting it in half bc the summit just had too many good wrex moments#by best of: the normandy summit i really just mean best of: wrex bc this is literally just every wrex moment from the summit LMAO#i was gonna stuff this in with the priority sur'kesh set but literally when i had like 10 gifs of just the summit i was like#sur'kesh is getting the mars split bc wrex has too many good moments to just start cutting half of them out tbh#also victus in his fancy primarch robes with THAT VOICE??? i'm not down bad for most turians but DAMN victus#maybe we talk about how fucking real he was for hearing wrex say that the krogan were the ones who spilled their blood to stop the rachni#and immediately looked at the dalatrass and said that wrex was fucking right#and then said that the dalatrass was helping wrex or she'd never see another friendly turian again?? like he's a fucking ICON for that tbh#and soph in the dress blues????? HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT (mass effect women in uniforms and armor 😍)#her angy face coming back at the dalatrass to defend wrex is everything to me#and wrex's expressions during the summit are so fucking good#there's so much raw emotion on his face that you can see and you can tell how like angry and frustrated he is with the dalatrass and victus#and how much he's holding back!! especially when linron insults him!! when she basically calls his people useless!!#like there's just a thousand+ years of pent up krogan rage about the genophage just boiling behind wrex's eyes#and he somehow manages to keep somewhat cool during the summit? like obvi wrex isn't a thousand+ years old but he's his people's rep#he's such a fucking interesting character especially during this scene when you think about a thousand+ years of the genophage#bc you get to watch him balance keeping his cool in a political situation he's a leader in#vs. remembering he's a krogan in the presence of the leadership of the people who literally created a sterility plague for his people??#and the raw emotions of that for him???#wrex my love you deserve the world for dealing with the summit in the cool-headed way that you did bc it was 100% bullshit for you#canon soph would have thrown the dalatrass off the normandy so fucking fast for insulting wrex and his people and you cannot change my mind
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the way digimon does conflict/drama between two characters who should be or are close: chef’s kiss <3
the way sonic idw handles creating conflict/drama between two characters who should be or are close: *wilting flower*
#keyword: adding#in digimon conflicts come about as a result of independent viewpoint differences#ie takuya vs kouji. taichi vs yamato#or (since i just watched 02:the beginning) lui and ukkomon’s conflict is SO GOOD#it BUILDS to something. lui and ukkomon’s disagreement builds up to: they need to communicate. they both come from a good-faith angle#ukkomon so desperately wanted to make lui happy and failed to look closer to see what WOULD - and lui didn’t know how to express#what he actually wanted to ukkomon. or try to reach out to ukkomon in turn instead of basking in his life finally going ‘right’#but then not as much in idw gives me that good feeling of ‘ahhh they built to this and it is so nice’#or when conflict is created it isn’t because despite best efforts people clash and have to work together#it’s when someone does a stupid and someone else has to pick it up#it means a lot when you see kouji driven to press takuya to the wall and see them shout at each other#because they both have to realize that with words they will never convince the other of their viewpoint.#even though they both think the way the other looks at things will get the group killed#and of course it makes sense that the group would follow takuya. he’s their heart. their core#takuya’s the reason tomoki stayed in the digital world and junpei and izumi find confidence being there because he’s there rallying them#and in this case that good trait winds up being wrong. he gets everyone captured by the enemy and thinks theyre all better off if he wasn’t#part of the group from the start. but THAT isn’t true either - he just needs a BALANCE of his excellent helpful determination and willpower#and seeing things as they are and not as he believes them to be - more like kouji#he WAS wrong but not for HAVING the traits he had - for leaning too much on them#or (also going to a media im currently engaging in) sundered star. things go bad between people a LOT but it’s not frustrating.#it’s SATISFYING/ENGAGING seeing feferi leave eridan and watching eridan go insane and give in to the horrorterrors. of course it couldnt-#-go any other way for them. eridan wouldnt change until he realized he could lose feferi and feferi wouldnt bring him any real consequences#-to make him consider that until she was leaving and would never come back. and it was never her fault that leaving eridan lead to-#-catastrophe and devastation. it just happened as a consequence anyway#anyways i guess. if i see the characters do their best and things still fall apart it’s better than#seeing an idiot plot or characters written to be worse than they were to make conflict happen#with takuya he wasn’t suddenly bad or misjudging everything. he just didnt have to deal with negative consequences for misjudging before-#-because they hadnt met someone like duskmon that they COULDNT eventually beat before. even gigasmon who wrecked them all at first-#-was beaten once they had beast spirits and were on equal footing. so takuya assumes the same for duskmon without realizing that#they arent on the same level. so the issue didnt come from nowhere - it just comes to a head now
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The problem I'm having with one of my stories is that it is compelling - but not clicking.
It's a sephiroth gets reincarnated into mdzs. Straightforward. I've got several branching paths: lwj, jc, nmj (my personal fave) and the jade twins (one mind in two bodies). All five of them have great potential, but for some reason my heart is set on sephiroth!lwj, because the aesthetic is sublime.
But! It's! Not! Working!
My main problems are a) despite similar surfaces, sephiroth has fundamentally different morals and life experiences to lwj and lwjs morals are a huge part of his and wwx's stories. B) I can't NOT have wangxian. I don't ship often at all, but when I do I'm pretty set on it lol. I don't want to deny soulmates. Unfortunately I HATE writing romance. C) I do not think sephiroth should be in any sort of romantic relationship at all nor can I see him wanting one. I've read tons of fics where he is in relationships (healthy or otherwise) and they're amazing, yes, but... Under my pen it's just not in the cards. And I do feel pairing him with wwx would just amplify wwx's worst traits, which is the opposite of what lwj does for him.
Everything's in conflict, but the lure of sephiroths second childhood in strict gusu and his complicated feelings about it, wwx being a perfect mix of all his important people with a spine of steel and righteousness that they all lost as everything fell apart, the relationship between sephiroth and his new mother, and how he'd inexplicably lose her too, the white on white aesthetic, the older identical brother, the cruel angels aesthetic with the benevolent demon, the angst of wwx's defection and death, his relationship with qi as a planet's overflowing life force, the tragedy of the mourning angel, monster x monster.... It calls to me.
But there's also the way wwx becoming a demonic cultivator was so vital to winning the war, and the way that affected things, gave him a legitimacy. Involve the silver soldier, and well. Everything else becomes a little extraneous lol. And sephiroth himself is such a big mover and shaker, I don't know what I could do to manage that without wiping out 80% of the remaining jianghu after the burial mounds siege with sephiroth appointing himself king lmao. He's not the kind of person to make small ripples, you know?
And I'd love a twin jades au to sort of turn the chaos inwards a bit (nmj and jgy would be Excellent foils) but again, I can't separate wangxian and imagining scenes feels a bit too close to incest for my tastes, even when it's ONE PERSON in identical bodies!
It's frustrating, wanting to write a non romance fic set in a love story lol. I just. I hate writing romance. But wangxian just don't want to be parted.
But the image of lwj in the xuanwu cave secretly covering a feverish wwx with his wing, only to notice a handful of white feathers pushing through the black as he unknowingly becomes a better person through showing care for other people, shaking his own deep belief that he is a horrible irredeemable creature incapable of love. Caught in an act of love. Hnggh.
Any ideas?!
#It's so frustrating because the block is on my end it's less so an issue with the actual plot#I know people love crossover character reincarnations even in canon soulmates (my other fics have shown me that lol) but wangxian feels lik#Too much? Idk I don't. Want to try and create a relationship#If you don't know in ff7 wing colour is determined by their morality. As a kid sephiroth was symbolised with white feathers#But as he grew older and later snapped he got the iconic black wing. I see it more as a 'what do they perceive themselves as' which#Gets extra angst points for unreliable narration and blindly righteous vs self loathing vs healing vs denial#The wing probably shouldn't be in the fic it's from the j cells and a symptom of insanity but ehhh it's too cool and symbolic#Like there's so much you can do with seph!lwj. Burning nibelheim vs cr burning. Prodigy on a lonely pedestal. Strict gusu vs sterile shinra#Having a mother but being restricted from her and losing her anyway and nobody telling him anything because he's a little kid#Angel x demon aesthetic on the battlefield. Safer mode HAS to make an appearance I don't make the rules (it's way too underrated ToT)#Wwx would get horns and fangs and stuff to balance it out lol. Noncon bodmod from the energy coursing through you#I feel he'd relate. Lwj being utterly terrified of wwx mentally degrading from the resentment and being forced to watch him ruin himself#Lwj seeing the best of all the people he loved in wwx and seeing him be so genuinely relentlessly GOOD where they fell apart.#Him being terrified of his own overwhelming feelings hurting wwx like cloud. The possessiveness and simultaneous avoidance#Him being even less easily flustered XD. Wwx has a high bar to top some fans from his last life.#Bb lwj getting really stubborn over wanting a stupid big sword and then growing huge enough to use it lol#Sephiroth getting a 'proper' childhood and being so unused to it he can't tell it's still not a very good one. Being doted on by his big br#mdzs#mxtx mdzs#mdzs fanfiction#mdzs fic#mo dao zu shi#lan wangji#ff7#final fantasy vii#cloud strife#final fantasy 7#sephiroth#This is working on the idea sephiroth got controlled by jenova btw the other version is beyond hope#mdzs au
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TMW a story you started to read for the screwball comedy of errors starts to become a thematic exposition on how, no matter how much you think you're a nobody, that if you have power, your actions will always have consequences. Yes, not all the things done are your responsibility - especially when other people commit them in your name - but if they were following the example you publicized (as opposed to your real self), then you for sure need to take responsibility. And perhaps that power you wield can become a fatal weapon or something you use to prove your superiority over those who don't. But maybe what power first and foremost of all is, is a gift given with a request that you be responsible for it, something that you need to own so you can either give back or simply understand how to manage it so you can live your life properly.
#but I'm only in ch 35 so I'm not sure id I'm right#i sure hope i am but korean webtoons can get very cynical and usually have the paradox of....hmm...#a paradox of having the moral be 'think first of yourself and that is how you will best serve others'#which SOUNDS nice especially to those who are a slave to other's whims bu lt i want more nuance#like i like the spiderman great power great responsibility thing rather than the trend i sometimes see#the trend being that they just want to hide their powers and live a peaceful life only occasionally using it to benefit themselves#except of course the narrative doesn't let them but even though they choose selflessness it....#i don't know. it creates other characters who are praised for having done nothing despite their great power#no i don't think those with power have to save everyone or purposefully seek out to save people#HOWEVER. if you have the power and are THERE. then what's not to say you weren't placed there on purpose?#sorry for being a Christian (I'm not) but even non-Christiantly the best balance simply might be#to live well where you are (or go where you want) and respond to circumstances according to the power that you have?#lemon duck quacks#stories told through art
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i refuse to believe mxtx has not listened to at least one or both of the songs 'viva la vida' by coldplay, and 'pompeii' by bastille. i refuse
#this isn't even me like vaguely connecting lyrics to characters like i love to do (see 'third eye' and 'third eye (demo)' for hua cheng)#like istg i could make a full analysis post about how these two songs (especially the latter)#relate to xie lian and bai wuxiang respectively#i could do it right now#and NO this post was not brought about by my ardent desire to have an actually GOOD mash-up of those two songs#that combines elements of both while keeping a fair balance between both songs.#like come on PLEASE i *need* to listen to a mash-up where the person doing it confidently puts together the respective bridges#it CAN be done and if you do everything else at least semi-well and it sounds smooth then you WILL have created a masterpiece#i would do it myself but i have neither the means nor ability#anyway. didn't mean to ramble off on that tangent.#jk i totally did lmaoooo#this post is about tgcf btw. if you didn't pick up on that. lmao#tgcf#tian guan ci fu#xie lian#bai wuxiang#this post is so vague i feel bad tagging anyone else lmao#hob#heaven official's blessing
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It was well worth your efforts!
#your words make me believe in the drafting process#If I were the type bold enough to wear logos of bands I don't listen to#I would be fighting the urge to print this on metal & hang it in my home.#red background was the right choice. reconfirmed when I opened it from my notes. 😍 oh the red.#and balanced out with the red on sasuke's back#which also makes your eye travel the whole image.#it was so interesting to read what you said about the designing of it#the hair is pretty well overshadowed by the red#the ruddy hands really grab.#and then the orange cuff. and then the dandelion hair.#yhe process is also interesting to hear about bc the viewer knows who it is before you see the hair; the hair just comes as kind of a punch#maybe that's why it's sort of gutting?#we are immediately sure of sasuke and so we believe it's naruto for a moment before we really know for sure? except we did know.#iconography#agh and the emotionality of the hands. the light#the light. on the hands and the hair.#idk I just think the design of this is amazing. to balance of everything in it to create the feeling#sorry waxing less-than-poetic in the tags again#in my defense I'm on mobile. I can only see the last four tags I wrote at any one time#i even left it in my drafts forever bc I kept promising myself when I came back to it I would have calmed down#but I haven't so instead of deleting these tags I keep adding#anyway love this#so bold. so arresting#the red! on the hands!#sorry literally every time I think I'm done I close the tag editor (I'm on mobile)#but then I see the image again and I feel like screaming some more#so I do#and now there is like a page of me screaming in these tags#DUDE! THE HANDS!#the feeling of this is just too much. too good
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it's easier to apply for jobs than ever! so what if you lost your insurance, anyone can get a job these days, even without meds. everyone is hiring! there's a "good employee" shortage!
well you just need to revamp your resume, here's a paid app subscription that can read it for you. rewrite the cover letter they won't read. google jobs in my area and then scrawl through Monster/Indeed/worbly. did you want to save the search? this was posted 98 days ago. over 1 billion applicants! this position is trending.
jobs i actively like doing and get paid for. your search returned no results. easy-apply with HireSpin! easy apply with SparkFire! easy apply with PenisFlash! with a few short clicks, get your information stolen.
watch out! the first 98 links on google are actually scams! they're false postings. oopsie. that business isn't even hiring. that other one is closed permanently. find one that looks halfway legit, google the company and the word "careers". go to their page. scroll past brightly-lit diversity stock photo JOIN US white sans serif. we are a unique, fresh, client-focused stock value capitalism. we are committed to excellence and selling your soul on ebay. we are DRIVEN with POWER to INNOVATE our greed. yippee! our company has big values of divisive decision making, sucking our dicks, and hating work-life balances. our values are to piss in your mouth. sign here and tell us if you have gender issues so we can get ahead of the sexual harassment claim. are you hispanic although let's be real we threw out the resume when we saw your last name.
sign up to LinkHub to access updates from this company. make a HirePlus account to apply. download the PoundLink app. your account has been created, click the link we sent you in 15 minutes. upload that resume. we didn't read the resume, manually fill in the lines now. what is your expected pay grade. oh actually we want hungry people, not people driven by a salary. cut a zero off that number, buddy, this is about opportunity, and we need to be thrifty. highest level of education. autofill is glitching. here is an AI generated set of questions. what is your favorite part of our sexy, sexy company. how do you resolve conflict. will you get our company logo tattooed on your person. warning: while our CEO is guilty of wage theft, we will absolutely refuse to hire a nonviolent felon.
thank you for your interest at WEEBLIX. we actually already filled this position internally. we actually never had that posting. we actually needed you to have 9 years of experience and since you have 10 years we think it might be too many? we'll be texting you. we'll email you. we'll keep your resume. definitely absolutely we won't just completely ignore you. look at your phone, there's already a spam text from Bethany@stealyouridentity. they're hiring!
wait, did you get an interview? well that's special, aren't you lucky. out of 910 jobs you applied to, one answered, finally. and funny story! actually the position isn't exactly as advertised, we are looking for someone curious and dedicated. it's sort of more managerial. no, the pay doesn't change - you won't have any leadership title. now take this 90 minute assessment. in order to be a dog groomer, we need you to explain cell biology. in order to be a copyeditor, write a tiny dissertation about the dwindling supply of helium on the planet. answer our riddles three. great job! we just need to push this up to Tracy in HR who will send it to Rodney who is actually in charge. and then of course it's jay's decision and then greg will need to see you naked and if you survive you'll be given a drug test and a full anal examination.
and of course you'll be hungry this whole time, aren't you, months and months of the same shit. months of no insurance, no meds, no funding, barely able to afford the internet and the phone and the rent - all things you need in order to even apply for our thing. but do it again! do it again and again and again, until you flip inside out and turn into a being of pure dread!
you're not hired yet because you're lazy. there's over one million AI-generated hallucinated jobs in your area. don't worry. with zipruiter, hiring and firing is easier than ever. sign up. stay on-call.
in the meantime, little peon - why don't you just fucking suffer.
#spilled ink#well you'll never guess how i feel about this#ps im hispanic. nonbinary. disabled. girl i cannot pick a fucking struggle.
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We really cant ever have good things huh :/
#i really thought this manhwa author was different. but as per usual i am the clown#I was really excited for the sequel to On or Off bc the series had ended suddenly bc the author had some personal stuff going on#and had to finish the series early#so i was excited to get more content with the characters i adored. I thought she mustve had a lot of good ideas that-#-she didnt get to use in the og series so shes doing a whole sequel but nope#the sequel is filled with every annoying cliche tropes we've seen in BL manhwas#but i didnt care all that much bc at least it wasnt like most other popular series where rape and dubcon were regular tropes#well I guess she felt left out#the characters have started acting outright out of character and even straightup annoying#so. much. miscommunication.#and now the most recent update (translated) its straight up dubcon#and its so weird to see ppl defend it in the comments with like#'no u r weird for interpreting it that way bc in the next chp (untranslated) turns out he was into it'#or 'its not ooc bc top knows his lover and if bottom was actually not into it he would have stopped'#excuse me? saying 'stop' and 'im scared' isn't enough for u? bc it sure is for me#theres also another breed of brainrots who are like 'bottom deserved it bc he lied and was being annoying' ☠️🤡 im....#idc that 'later turns out he was into it' bc the author definitely wrote this chapter to be questionable. and for what?#if you dont have any good ideas for an exciting and engaging plot maybe don't do a sequel#using disgusting tropes just to create drama and tension is so cheap and pathetic#niki screaming into the void#work love balance#on or off
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when any post of mine does even remotely well
#I’m always ridiculously thankful every time#I just have severe fuckin depression bro#it’s a tough balancing act of finding the motivation to create and not having that motivation be an addiction to social media validation#anyways#thank you guys for liking my art and supporting me#it’s always really cool to see people point out techniques and stuff too so thank you :D
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This is gonna sound rather conceited but I feel like it highlights an issue we have in Art.
I'm good at art. I've never had a hard time making art. I started using crayons before I could walk. Painting, Beadwork, sculpture, sketching, stippling, whatever- once I have a feel for the material, it doesn't take long to start doing what I want with it. It's been a common theme my whole life.
(Y contrast I'm awful at things like dancing, performance, sports, etc- in all things there is balance, right?)
Now, I've taught myself to use so many artistic mediums now that I KNOW how to most efficiently integrate them into the brain database. Once you really *understand* a material, it's much like memorizing the layout of your house, or flexing a muscle, or something in-between- it becomes PART of your brain in a way I cant quite articulate. But to get there involves just fucking around for a bit doing nothing in particular.
And I've found, especially in group settings, that nobody seems to be able to see you make something badly and leave you alone. Even if you say you're fine, you don't want help, you're happy, you're having fun, it's fine, they gotta ride your ass and hover.
I was at a class the other day for something I hadn't done before. The medium was one I've never used, so once the instructor told us the basics I started experimenting with weight, gravity, texture, viscosity, saturation, temperature, etc. The instructor had given enough info to know what was dangerous and what was safe, and beyond that I just wanted to absorb what I could about it.
And no insult to the instructor, but they kept checking in. Which was fine the first few times.
But then, without asking me what I was trying to do, started giving tips. That I told them I was grateful for but didn't really need just yet. If I had a question, I'd ask.
But they kept coming over. And touching my shit. And manipulating my project. And touching my hands. And using my tools. Without fucking asking.
And this happens every time. EVERY TIME. And by now I know the best way to get them to fuck off is to make something way beyond their expectations so they know I'm capable, then go back to doing what I want.
So I did. I wanted to keep having fun and learning, but instead I made something beautiful that I really didn't want to make, and wasted my time, and really didn't learn what I wanted to learn at all. I knew the formula to create a beautiful thing, so I followed that formula the same way I have a hundred times before, and didn't get to try anything spontaneous or ugly or exciting, just so I could be left alone.
And I know when I was a kid, I was aware aware people saw me puttering alone on something ugly assumed I had a special issue and treated me like I was stupid because of that. (I was neurodivergent.) And at at time I knew that I could do a neat trick for them like a trained pony and they'd go, "Oh, surely they aren't defective if they can do something like that!" And piss off.
But what if I hadn't known how to do that?
What if I hadn't been talented, or "special"?
What if I'd been just any other average kid trying to learn, and I couldn't pop something pretty out of my ass to get them off my back?
My problem my whole life has been that I haven't been allowed to make anything ugly in peace. I'm capable of beauty, so I have to make beauty, or get stepped on. And once people see what I can do, they get loud about it. "Look at this! Look what they did! We all know who the best is, don't we?". And that used to feel good, but it's tiring.
And how many people like me just wanted to play? Just wanted to have fun and experiment? Who were having fun with no goal in mind, or just took longer to learn, who gave up because of all the obnoxious helpers breathing down their neck with no way to shake them off?
How many of us are made to feel defective because we aren't doing things beautifully?
I have a lovely piece of art I didn't want to make.
I think I'm gonna frame it.*
(*I think I'm gonna burn it in my yard.)
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Sigh sorry for the ranting I rly did want to be positive abt this update but unfortunately there's just too much negatives and too little stand out positives
#rat rambles#this is a game Im deeply passionate abt so seeing some of my favorite things get gutted in such a borderline lazy way sucks man#like I dont want to call the devs lazy because theyre not but I feel like most of the balance changes theyve made have been. not great.#and its making me so genuinely sad that they just keep gutting things instead of actually reworking them#balance changes should give you more options not less#and continuous nerfing only makes the game feel worse to play#especially given that one of the biggest appeals to this game is making the player feel more and more like a true god as they progress#I dont mind nerfs I just mind nerfs that create more problems than they solve#like it all comes back to the fucking dice to me because theyre nowhere near the only example of items that make you immortal#nor were they even That bad for the game literally all they needed to do was rework it a lil#like idk maybe add a third option that does nothing to each dice and give it a slower charge time#that alone would make it still good but not as game breaking#they could even adjust it so they only give half of their respective hearts instead of a full one that alone would half their effectiveness#you could even weigh the rng so it preffers the non heart option theres SO much shit they could have done to better balance them#but nope! fragile relic time! now each of them are a one time use item that Maybe will give you a heart!#when your relic has the same or worse effect as some of the tarot cards you know youve fucked smth up#like at least the other relics with arguable card counterparts have the benifit of being less shit#like the tenticle isnt good but at least you dont have to take damage for it#and the bombs are borderline worthless but at least you dont have to be on half a heart#but these have a Chance of giving you a heart and then theyre Gone and you might as well just grab a tarot card#or better yet! grab a different health based relic! and these ones do consistent damage too!#its just so mind numbingly lazy and does nothing but add another relic to the pool of relics you never want to see
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