#I have slept between 1 and 4 hours every night this week

[gallifrey1sburning]

The fun thing about bronchitis is how much more of tumblr and TikTok you get to see because of the 2:30 AM coughing fits that won’t stop long enough for you to fall asleep

[pinkthrone445]

Hii, can you make a part 4 of “the most wonderful time of the year?” describing the scene where Theo calls Mel mom for the first time? And also describing the scene where Mel and the reader decided to have another kid? Thank you

-The most wonderful time of the year?- Part 4

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Pairing:Melissa Schemmenti x Reader

Gender: FLUFFFFF, big big flufff

Warnings : (+18) none I think.

Summary:On the morning of your wedding, Melissa takes it upon herself to remind you that it would never be an ordinary life if you are together.

AN: The truth is that when I wrote the first part, I never thought it would have so much support. Thanks for the comments and all the love. I tried to take advantage of as much as I could this week to write and post at least 3 times and I succeeded! Don't forget to reblog or comment, it really gives me great joy to read your reactions. Remember that requets are open and my dms too, to talk or ask anything. I hope you enjoy this lovely noniii💕

It finally arrived, your wedding day was today, it was early and there were still a few hours to go to the hotel to get dressed and put on your makeup. Mel slept soundly next to you with her arms gripping your waist, her breathing was calm against your neck, and some soft snoring escaped her. You didn't understand how she was so calm and slept all night long when you could barely close your eyes.

-"You're thinking so loud hon..."-Mel murmured hoarsely against your neck and kissed your shoulder and you sighed-"Are you feeling good amore? Theo and Sky are still sleeping, don't you want to take the opportunity to rest some more before the wedding?"-Your future wife whispered and you turned to be face to face with her and hid in her chest

-"I can't sleep... I don't know why, I want to do this but at the same time I'm scared and I don't know what... It's not about getting married, because I want this and because I love you so much, but I'm afraid of failing as a mother or as a wife... It all feels so real now, I feel like I'll have everything I want... And I'm afraid that by having everything, one day it will become monotonous and you'll get bored of this life or of me"-You whispered, still hidden in her chest, and she kissed your forehead, caressing your back gently

-"Baby... With how crazy our kids are and all the things going on in our lives, it will never get monotonous, and if it does, it will be the most beautiful monotonous life that can exist, I won't get bored of you, it will only be a reason to love you more. Even if I know every answer to the things you're going to say, even if I know what you're thinking for how much I know you, I'll never leave you, I can't leave you again, I've already made that mistake once, it won't happen again"-Mel kissed your forehead again and got out of bed, leaving you speechless at the sight of her naked body. Almost drooling you followed her with your eyes and you saw how from the closet she took out a white box and handed it to you smiling

-"What is this?"-You carefully let Mel sit on the bed with her back on the backrest and you sat between her legs resting your back on his chest. Once comfortable, you rested the box on your lap feeling Mel hug your waist

-"It's a journey into our history, I was going to give it to you after the wedding, but I feel like this is a good time to watch it, I feel like you need it"-The redhead whispered as she watched as you opened the silk bow it was tying to the box, and pulled out a beautiful, decorated photo album. Carefully you caressed the lid, it was soft and delicate, when you opened it you smiled when you saw the first photo, it was the first photo you had where you and Mel were together.

Melissa had given a little lecture at a university, she gave a talk to future teachers, to motivate them or something. You were on the same campus studying for medical school, you had just started it, but you had already learned more about where the speakeasies were on campus than you had about medical school.

At night, it was common to see you in bars playing a game of drinks or darts for money, you were good and earning that money helped you not to get into debt with your career.

No one could beat you, until you met your nemesis, a stunning redhead who loved gambling almost as much as you loved making money, a redhead twice your age, a redhead named Melissa Schemmenti. Current profession, primary school teacher, in the future, you knew I would be your wife.

After several rounds competing against each other and drawing each time in every game. You decided to play on the same team. That night you won twice as much money as the other nights, but at the end of the competition, Mel gave you the money she had earned, saying that you needed it more, but she would give it to you if you stayed for a beer with her. That night you talked until the sun came up, there was something about her accent, her beautiful body and her crazy stories with her family that had you dumb listening to every single thing she said.

When it was time for the bar to close, the redhead escorted you to your dorm room where one of your classmates was waiting for you.

-"I was about to go see if you hadn't fallen asleep at the bar, but I see it was because you still had company"-Your roommate spoke smiling and wiggling his eyebrows implied something and the two of you just laughed-"She's the redhead you were playing with all night, I have an amazing picture of you two"-Your roomie handed you the photo, where all your friends were in the background cheering on the two of you who had your best competitive face on as you threw pinpong balls into the opposing team's cup. Your friend loved taking photos in his spare time and had captured a beautiful moment.

To think that would be the first of many photos and moments with Mel.

You kept scrolling through the album watching a selfie from when you and Mel officially became girlfriends.

After several visits to the campus to see you, which no longer involved Mel lecturing, you two went for a walk together until you reached a delicate, secluded corner of the campus, where there was green grass that seemed to have not been trodden in years. The redhead put on a delicate blanket and set the basket on top of it, pulling out a delicious lasagna she had made. Mel had heard a thousand times how you complained about not eating well at campus and every time she could she brought you food that she had prepared, it was her way of saying she cared about you without actually saying it.

You and Mel caught up by telling each other everything that had happened in the time you hadn't seen each other, the exams had left you exhausted and you just needed to be with her talking about any nonsense and listening to her beautiful and deep voice. Mel looked at you like you were the most beautiful woman in the world even though you were smeared with sauce and talking with your mouth full.

Mel was determined to ask you to be her girlfriend, she was not a woman of doubts and knew very well what she wanted, but she was human and had her fears. Melissa was aware of the age difference between you, she didn't know if what you had so far was a fun adventure for you, being with someone older than you was something that gave you an important reputation in college.

As you spoke, you noticed the way Mel stared at you, and you blushed at feeling so watched

-"What's going on? Why do you look at me like that? Do I have something on my face?"-You asked nervously and Melissa shook her head laughing

-"No no... Well yes, your face is dirty with sauce, but I'm looking at you because I missed you so much and you look beautiful..."-The redhead replied and you blushed-"You know, I was thinking that now that you've finished your exams, if maybe you wanted to go on vacation with me to see my family... To introduce you as my girlfriend...?"-In the last part of her question, Mel lost a bit of confidence and her voice came out weaker than she would have liked. You stared at her and couldn't believe what she was asking for

-"It's a joke, isn't it? - You asked seriously, leaving the lasagna aside

-"No, it's true, I want you to go with me and be my girlfriend, well, if you want to, I won't force you to do anything, if you don't want we can continue as we are, I'll keep visiting you from time to time..."-The redhead started to deviate from the main topic due to nerves, but she couldn't continue talking as you pounced on top of her, making her back against the blanket and you on top of her kissing her with great joy. When you ran out of air, you sat on her hip admiring how all her lipstick was scattered across her face and she had a silly smile on her face

-"I would love to go with you and be introduced to your family as your girlfriend"-You murmured, smiling, before the redhead brought you back close to her to continue kissing you.

After a long make-out session, you took out your camera to commemorate the moment by taking a photo where the two of you were a little disheveled and with your faces full of lipstick but with a smile from ear to ear. Mel hugged you tight and kissed your cheek as you took the photo.

There were more pictures in the album, of when you visited her family, when you put together the tree. The first holidays together and many others commemorating life events. Until you came across a photo where the two of you were on the floor of an empty house, the first house you rented together

You and Mel had been dating for 2 years, as soon as you finished medical school, the two of you decided to move in together. You'd gotten a job at a hospital in Philly, so the two of you decided to look for a house that was halfway between your job and hers.

The two of you managed to rent a small apartment, it wasn't very luxurious, but it was yours and it was all that mattered. It would be the first time you would live together and that excited you. But it was also scary, it's one thing to go out with someone and another to live together spending and sharing almost every day all day. The things that annoy you about someone grew bigger when you share the same house.

As soon as the two of you arrived at the house, before the moving truck arrived, you took a picture of the empty living room with you two sitting on the floor to make a comparison of before and after that you arranged everything. After that, you went through the whole house to see the place and imagine where you will arrange everything. When you got to the kitchen, the only thing there was was a freezer, an oven and a very large cabinet with a sink, Melissa looked at you with a very mischievous smile that you already knew. The redhead hugged you by the waist making you walk backwards and press you against the counter while still smiling

-"Can you imagine the beautiful mornings making breakfast together? Or the times we'll have sex against this kitchen counter?... We could start now by premiering this piece of furniture before the moving truck arrives, I bet I can get you there at least twice before they hit the door"-Melissa smiled arrogantly kissing your neck and you laughed

-"Don't want it to bet 3 times?"-You answered, and she lifted you up, making you sit on the kitchen cabinet

-"I love a challenge"-The redhead responded by kissing you urgently

You laughed remembering that morning and how Melissa won the bet.

Many more photos appeared, Christmas dinners together with family, movie nights, dates, visits to school to see Mel, adventures, vacations and much more. But you were surprised to see pictures of when you had been doing the pregnancy treatment for the first time to have Theo, some ultrasounds, also some pictures pregnant and some of Theo newborn and others of baby Theo and you.

-"Where did you get these?"-You whispered looking at the photos and remembering how hard the treatment was but it was worth it when you felt his heart beat for the first time.

-"Your sisters helped me put together pictures from when we had separated"-she responded kissing your shoulder and you smiled-"I'm sorry I missed such important things"-Mel confessed

-"Don't apologize for that, I walked away too, it's also my fault. And the important thing is that now we're together... Besides, if my sisters helped you with this, it means that you are officially forgiven"-You joked and continued looking at the photos, you smiled tenderly when you saw a photo of Theo with his first tooth and another where you tried to cut his hair and it was a mess.

After a couple more photos, Mel reappeared in the album, a photo from when she first babysat him and the two took a picture together painting, in the next page a picture of Theo's birthday with his new puppy "grumpy" and another one of the first date the 3 of you had

Mel had chosen a fancy restaurant in which he had made an important reservation, but it was not a place where a child could be entertained much. The redhead knew a lot about babysitting because she was a teacher, but she knew little about what children wanted outside of being at home or at school.

As soon as the three of you sat down at the table, you couldn't find a common meal for a child, everything was extravagant, weird and exotic, besides, you had dressed your son very fancy, and the clothes were making him uncomfortable. Just by looking at her face you could tell that Theo was sad and uncomfortable, but he didn't say anything because he didn't want to ruin the moment and he didn't want the redhead to get mad at him. You didn't want to say anything either because you knew how much Mel had spent on the reservation.

Apparently, Mel had gotten used to being with your son and was almost as good as you at understanding when something didn't like or made him uncomfortable. The redhead grabbed your hand and your son's hand on the table making you look at her, your son's eyes were watery but he kept his eyes on her

-"What do you say if we go somewhere else and eat some hamburgers? A place that has a playground and where Theo doesn't need these luxurious, uncomfortable clothes...-Mel smiled looking at your son and his eyes lit up with excitement, Theo turned to look at you almost jumping in his chair from excitement

-"Can we mommy? Pleaseeee?"-Your little one clasped his little hands begging and you laughed

-"Let's go baby"-You got up, taking his and Melissa's hand to go to the car. Your heart almost melts when you see that Mel had a small bag in the car that had your son's name on it, which had comfortable clothes for him and some snacks he liked, plus headphones for when he was overstimulated. Your child changed in the car and after arriving at the place and eating his food, he went to the playground while you watched him. No doubt you and Melissa stood out in that place with your elegant clothes, but the important thing was that your son was comfortable and happy. Carefully you rested your head on the redhead's shoulder and caressed her hand

-"Thank you for this... I know you had paid a lot for the reservation and that it's also a hard place to get"-You whispered and mel brought your hand to her lips to give you a kiss on your palm

-"That little one is as important to me as it is to you... Besides, it's priceless to see you and Theo smear your faces with condiments"-The redhead joked and you laughed hiding more in her neck, Later that night Theo had fallen asleep in Mel's arms after having played so much and you took the opportunity to take a picture of the two of them.

As you continued to look at the photos you laughed where you saw one of Mel with her red and swollen eyes hugging your son who had a scared face

It had been a few months since the three of you had been living together. That day Mel had to take Theo to school alone because you had surgery very early and you couldn't accompany them before going to work. Before you left home, you left a note for the two of them telling them to have a good morning and to call you for anything. And that you loved them so much.

Mel sent you a message saying that they had made it to school well and that they loved you very much.

When your long surgery was over and you read the message, you couldn't help but smile when you saw how comfortable your son was with her that it hadn't cost him anything to go to school without you. While reading the message, you were surprised to receive a call from the redhead, without hesitation you answered it. Your heart almost jumped out of your chest as you heard your girlfriend crying on the other side

-"Mel, Mel, breathe my love, what happened?"-You asked as you changed your clothes and put your cell phone on speakerphone

-"Nothing bad happened but I need you to come to school if your shift is over, Theo called me mom and I need to see you, please"-The redhead said between sobs, unable to speak well, unable to completely change out of your hospital clothes, you quickly got out to your car and you drove to school.

When you arrived you walked into the teacher's room where your girlfriend and your son were on the couch hugging and crying, Mel was crying with a big smile on his face and your son was crying with a scared face. Seeing you, the two of them shouted your name

-"Hon? You're here!"-Mel spoke excitedly

-"Mama!"-Your son looked at you scared-"I think I boke mom Lisa, my nose stated bleeding, and I went to hel classloom to ask fo help. Since you told me that at school I have to call hel Miss Lissa, I said Miss Mom can you help me?' and she stated caying, I don't know why, I swea I didn't do anything"-Your son told you quickly almost to the point of crying and you laughed and went over to the two of them to hug them

-"Mom Lisa is happy you told her mama, that's why she cries, not out of sadness, out of happiness baby. You surprised her with something cute, like when you cried because Mom Lisa gave you your puppy, she's happy because you made her happy" - You smiled explaining to your son and kissing his forehead. Theo took Melissa's face in his little hands and stared at her, the redhead smiled at him with teary eyes. Without them noticing, you took a picture of them.

-"Did it really make you happy? Do you like me to call you mom?"-Your little one asked really worried about your girlfriend. The redhead smiled and hugged him tightly, showering him with kisses

-"I love you to call me mom, you make me the happiest woman in the world. I love you my son"-The redhead whispered, smiling

-"I love you my mom, I love you both"-Your son whispered and hugged you both

You saw how the redhead's eyes moistened as she remembered the moment and you gave her a little kiss and then continue going through the album. There were many pictures of your son, in his first play, when he moved on to the next grade in school, on his birthdays, when he lost his first tooth, and many more.

One photo stood out from the crowd

One night you and Mel had decided to go camping with your son, that night you had made a campfire and roasted marshmallows, the redhead made up a thousand stories that your son listened to excitedly, looking at her like she's his whole world, until sleep overcame him and he fell asleep in your arms. Mel was dumb looking at you together, especially as your son snuggled over you.

-"(Y/N)?" - Mel caught your eye and you looked at her-"I want to have more kids with you..."-The redhead's confession surprised you - "I've been dreaming for weeks and months about our family, how it grows and how it becomes strong, and I imagine us with a huge happy family, full with joy and many more children, not just Theo... Could we do it? Have more children? Adopt or whatever you want..."-The redhead began to babble nervously, and you laughed tenderly

-"I would love to, we could do insemination so you can see what it's like to be pregnant, feel how it moves and all that... And later we could adopt"-You proposed, and the redhead nodded very excitedly

After that followed photos of the treatment, of your weird cravings, of Theo hugging your belly, of the ultrasounds and much more, until you got to the photo of when Sky was born

It had been a long labor, you started with contractions early in the morning and you decided to tell your family so they could have Theo while you were in the operating room, after several hours of squeezing your girlfriend's hand until you almost broke her fingers, your daughter arrived. A small bundle of joy with a bit of red hair on the top of her head and big green eyes that they barely opened.

After she was cleaned and dressed, Mel held her for a while crying and smiling and then carefully handed it over to you to go find Theo.

Your son came into the room very excited to see you again, you looked tired but you still hugged him carefully while with the other hand you held your daughter. Mel carefully sat Theo on the edge of the bed where he could get a better look at his little sister. Mel's mom captured the beautiful moment of the four of you together. Your daughter barely opened her eyes and smiled at your son showing her pink toothless gums. Your son smiled half-crookedly and then made a disgusted face

-"Oh Moms, she is kinda ugly, she is all wrinkled and swollen and she has no teeth, I think they should have taken her out earlier, she wrinkled a lot like when I stay in the bath too long"-Your son whispered to you and Mel, trying not to be overheard by his little sister and making you laugh. They you proceeded to explain that it was wrinkled because where she had been in your stomach, she was swimming in water.

A couple more photos followed that one, your kids together. Mel asleep on the couch next to Theo and Sky. Mel all vomited for your daughter who laughed a lot because of the redhead's disgusted face. A picture of your kids filled with sugar that they stole while Mel was making cookies. The photo of when Mel proposed to you and then the next pages were blank.

-"As you see here, our life is anything but ordinary, we're never going to get bored, we'll always have stories to tell and we still have more than half a book to fill... Our love will only grow..."-Mel smiled and kissed you slowly, you sighed on her lips smiling until you felt the door of the room being gently knocked

-"Mooooms, Sky is hungry... And I'm hungry too"-Your toddler of 5 years, Theo, shouted from the other side of the door making you laugh on Melissa's lips. After putting some clothes on you and getting back into bed, you replied to your children

-"Come in kids"-Your son excitedly walked into the room with his sister in his arms and they climbed into bed with you two, you carefully took your daughter and put her on your chest to feed her while Theo snuggled into his mom Lisa. Mel pulled out her phone, smiling, to take a picture

-"Last photo with my girlfriend"-Melissa spoke and kissed your forehead hugging your children-"Next photo will be with my wife... I love you so much my perfect family"-The redhead whispered before taking the photo.

[ramblingsfromthytruly]

"You'll not always be motivated so you have to be disciplined."

day 29+30+31/50 productivity challenge - condensing 3 days into 1 post cuz of 2 all nighters in a row i- dw tho cuz i did sleep a couple of hours in between here & there.. still genuinely dunno how i survived. learn from my mistakes & don't procrastinate cuz that's the only reason i was stuck in this mess

23rd September 2024, Monday

[almost nobody from my class actually went to school (& i'm not an exception) cuz tuesday's a study break & wednesday's our chem exam]

💤: 8 hrs - i mean ig at least that's one plus side of sleeping in?

🕒 1 p.m.- *sigh*

afternoon morning skincare

duolingo

practiced playing keyboard

did some college-related research

gradblr intro post

took bath

studied + made notes chemistry ch: structure of atom (not fully)

did so much planning fml (not good, not good at all, i procrastinated a lot!!)

did an exercise video

🚰: 4 glasses

24th September 2024, Tuesday

[study break day]

🕒 6:30 a.m. - my "night" is over & the day has begun

morning skincare

revised chemistry ch: some basic concepts of chemistry

🕒 12 - 3 p.m. - napped

duolingo

had a mental breakdown, pathetically cried, felt like a failure, etc

studied chemistry ch: structure of atom

took bath

night skincare

packed bag for tmr

🕒 10 p.m. - 12 a.m. - napped

🚰: 3 glasses

25th September 2024, Wednesday

[chem exam]

studied chemistry ch: classification of elements and periodicity in properties

studied chemistry ch: chemical bonding and molecular structure

morning skincare

quickly wrote down all formulae + important values

🕒 8 a.m. - left for school sleep deprived asf but caffeinated & motivated to get through the terrible exam

chemistry exam: i will be in deep shit when results come out *sigh* obviously i'm not happy when my friends do bad but only one comfort is that we're in shit together (they're literally the only 2 ppl i talk to in school). i NEED to do well on all my other exams, like somehow make an extraordinary improvement to show that i'm good with the other subjects and will just prioritize studying chem in the future. also made a deal with my mom that if i get above 83% overall then i'll finally get my own tab and headphones. we've been meaning to buy it for some time now, and my mom agreed only because my first tests' marks was at 64% (cuz i didn't study..). not exactly an "academic weapon" just yet.. only yet hopefully..

🕒 1-5 p.m. - came back home & slept like a log (no one's surprised)

(re) planned my day

took bath

ate my first meal of the day (how did i survive till here with just a coffee before school??)

played chess online (lost once, won once)

planned week after dussehra break

night skincare

decided to take a break today & wake up early tmr to start anew; i.e. operation proper sleep every night is green!

🕒 12 a.m. - went to bed finally

🚰: 4 glasses

🎧: a beautiful ravenclaw-themed playlist on youtube

[tea-stained-notes]

Steve Rogers x OFC - Waiting On a Miracle, Chapter 7

After catching an infamous serial killer in the act, Julie Castillo is in line for the witness protection program. She is sent to a temporary safe house with U.S. Marshal Steve Rogers to protect her. Both of them scarred by trauma and tragedy, they find solace in each other. But how far will they dare to go?

Somehow, another two months have passed - whoops. But you're being rewarded with an extra long chapter that is mostly smut FINALLY lol Hope you enjoy!

CHAPTER 1 | CHAPTER 2 | CHAPTER 3 | CHAPTER 4 | CHAPTER 5 | CHAPTER 6

Series warnings: violence, death, angst, trauma, smut

Chapter warnings: anxiety, smut

Chapter word count: ~3250

Song(s) referenced: -

When I entered the kitchen the following morning, Steve looked as if he had slept as much as me: not at all. We mumbled our greetings, a tension in the air that felt nothing like the one from the night before. He was washing his breakfast dishes while I prepared my tea and porridge. Our usual easy dance around each other was awkward and clumsy, apologies given and accepted with eyes cast downward. Eventually he muttered something about chopping firewood, pulled on his boots and jacket, then practically ran out the front door. I folded myself into a chair, trying to soothe the burning ache in my stomach with sips of chamomile tea. Like countless times during the night, silent tears began running down my cheeks. His rejection stung so much worse than I could have imagined. The urge to run from this place, where every detail was infused with him, was overwhelming. I was only now realizing how lonely I had been before him. How much I had longed for the kind of connection I had been denying myself after my mother’s death. How easily and quietly he had made my heart his home. For the first time in weeks I desperately wished for my phone. To call Finn, Samira, Emerson, my dad. To catch up with all the other people I had pushed away over the years. Once I was back in the city, I would do better, would learn to lean on others without the constant fear of losing them. Because even the pain of Steve’s cop-out wasn’t enough to make me regret all the beautiful moments I had spent with him.

When Steve came back inside two hours later, I was mindlessly watching a movie, rubbing my jaw that had once more started hurting from constant clenching. “What are you watching?” he asked quietly. “You’ve Got Mail.” “Missing New York?” I nodded, marveling at how well he could read me. “Wanna join me?” My voice was uneven, breathless. He hesitated for a moment, then gave me a crooked smile. “Sure. Let me wash up and I’ll be right there.”

It became easier again. Little by little we rediscovered our groove, despite the extra distance on the couch, despite his excuses to escape the cabin, despite the constant craving in my chest. Our conversations stayed light, no mention of our impending return to the city. But underneath it all lingered the almost of that one evening. And after three sleepless nights I found myself waking from a deep, satisfying slumber, engulfed in warmth and softness and — his scent. I startled, then locked eyes with Steve above me, his face entirely unreadable. An episode of Sherlock was running on the TV, but definitely not the one I remembered watching, so only God knew how long I had been asleep and how on earth I had managed to burrow into his side like that. Pushing myself up and kicking off the blanket, I stumbled to my feet. “Sorry, I’m so sorry.” Between blushing and fighting a dizzy spell, I could barely press out the words. “Goodnight.” I rushed towards the bathroom, slammed the door shut and took the first breath in a minute. My heart was pounding and still aching from having torn myself from him so rapidly. Only when I was rubbing soap and water over my face did I realize that his arm had been around me. Holding me tightly to his chest.

I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, my mind still reeling. I had to talk to him. In the morning I would force him to have the conversation we had been avoiding. This game we were playing was killing me and I could no longer bear the thought of leaving him and our little world behind without at least trying one more time. Suddenly a small shift in my periphery drew my eyes to the door. The sliver of light beneath it was obstructed by two shadows. Feet. My breath caught in my throat. I hadn’t heard any noise from Steve in over an hour, he must have long gone to sleep. Sweat broke out on my forehead as my pulse began to race. Parker was here. He had found me after all. But this time I refused to let panic take over. It would do nothing to save me. Instead I focused on the adrenaline, on the way it sharpened my senses. And the first thing I realized against every instinct was that my bed was the least safe place right now. Soundlessly, I slipped out from under the covers and set my feet on the floor. I glanced around the room, desperate for some sort of weapon. God, why hadn’t I thought this through before? How could I be stupidly unprepared? Then my eyes fell on a heavy brass candlestick on the dresser. Perfect. Straining my ears for any kind of noise I tiptoed across the room. While I was glad Parker was biding his time, the horrifying plans probably running through his brain right now chilled me to the bone. Focus. My hand closed around the cool metal and I jubilated on the inside. If my luck served me well, I might just make it over to the door. And if I could lock it, that should buy me enough time to call out for Steve before Parker could try to force his way in. Silent second after second ticked by while I crept forward, praying the wooden floor boards wouldn’t betray me. Finally my fingers touched the key and with a deep breath I hastily turned it. Thank God. I almost cried from relief. But just as I opened my mouth to shout Steve’s name, a voice rang through the door.

“Julie? Please don’t lock me out, it’s dangerous. Please, I—“ My fingers acted on their own, turning the key back and ripping open the door. And there he stood. Eyes wide, hair ruffled, hands raised. “It’s you,” I choked before the tears overwhelmed me. “Of course it’s me.” Steve’s face fell. “God, did you…? I’m so sorry, did you think I was him? Oh, sweetheart.” My heart didn’t have time to leap at the pet name, too busy being flooded with pure serotonin at the sight of him. Then I sank into his arms, clinging to him through the sobs that racked my body. “It’s alright, I’m here,” he said softly, caressing my hair. “I was so scared.” “I know, I’m terribly sorry. But you did so well, arming yourself and locking the door. And I didn’t hear you during any of that. I’m really proud of you.” I relished his words and closeness for a moment longer. Then anger slammed into me. I pulled back abruptly, stumbling away from him, the candlestick landing on the floor with a harsh clang. “What the fuck were you doing anyway? Why would you just stand outside my door like that, creeping me out?” “I-I don’t— I don’t know,” he stammered. “Of course you know! What were you doing?” I roughly brushed off my tears while staring up at him in defiance. His chest rose and fell rapidly. “I was… trying to talk myself out of something.” “Out of what?” Something in his eyes sent a shiver down my spine. “This.” And then his lips were on mine, almost searing with heat and longing. A moan escaped me when he wrapped his arms around my waist and molded my body to his. Every inch of me was on fire, the adrenaline from earlier still coursing through my veins and heightening every sensation of the kiss. I sighed his name as his lips traveled down my neck and he groaned in response. He lifted me up, my legs immediately locking around his hips. A second later my back hit the wall and the dull pain only intensified the impossible need for him. “God, Julie,” he panted while trailing kisses along my collarbone. “What are you doing to me?” A string of curses left his mouth as I buried my fingers in his hair and ground my center into his. I was ravenous for him in a way I had never been for anyone. All my brain demanded was more, more, more. “Wait.” My stomach dropped. Fuck. He had come to his senses and the pain after this would be even worse than before. His eyes sank into mine. “I don't want to rush. Not this. Not with you.” Fresh tears of relief formed as I pressed my palm to his chest, connecting to the thundering heartbeat beneath his skin. My other hand caressed his neck, then drew a soft line from his brow along his jaw. I brushed another kiss against his lips, incredulous at finally being able to do this. “Me neither.”

Steve carefully let me slide back onto my feet, then took my hand and walked backwards to my bed, never breaking eye contact. The light from the hallway painted his features in a soft glow. He was perfect. A small tug on my fingers and I was cradled against his chest once more, his mouth seeking out mine. My hands found a sliver of warm, smooth skin beneath the hem of his shirt, which drew a soft moan from him. Still a slave to my greedy heart, I slowly pushed the fabric upwards and he lifted his arms for me, so I could cast the shirt aside. I only took a second to marvel at his torso before pressing my lips to the revealed skin. Overwhelmed by all these new sensations, I barely noticed his own hands carefully unbuttoning and removing my pyjama top. “Are you cold?” he whispered as he ran his fingertips over the goosebumps on my arms. I shook my head, then gently pulled him into me, both of us gasping when skin met skin. We stood like that for a long moment. Lost in each other. “Will you lie down for me, darling?” he finally murmured. I obeyed almost in trance, still scared that if we lost contact for even an instant, everything could shatter. Steve kneeled between my legs. His gaze swept over me, growing evermore mesmerized. Then he leaned forward, placed his palms beside my rib cage and kissed me again. Unhurried but deeply. I melted beneath him as his lips and tongue trailed down my neck, then across my chest and stomach. “God, Steve…” My eyes flew open when his mouth left my skin. He was looking up at me, his hands on the hem of my pants. “Yes. Please, yes.” With a soft kiss to my hipbone he disposed of my pyjama bottoms and underwear in one fluid motion. His mouth and fingers traveled up my thighs, closer and closer to my overflowing wetness. When he finally licked through it, I startled myself with a desperate groan. He briefly caught my gaze, a sparkle in his eyes. Then he pushed my legs further apart, moaning as he buried himself between them and driving me crazy with the soft reverberations. I lasted merely a couple of minutes, hands tugging at his strands, sighing mindless words of praise. “That’s it, sweetheart,” he whispered. “Let go.” Right on cue my insides shattered and I floated away on a cloud of pure bliss. Steve slowed his movements, then pulled away to lick his lips clean.

I pushed myself upright and brought his face to mine to kiss off the smug smile. “Happy with yourself?” “Very. But more importantly: Are you?” “I think you know the answer to that, Mr Rogers.” He let me maneuver him onto his back and I took a minute to catch my breath and lose it all over again at the sight of him under me. “You’re gorgeous.” A soft blush dusted his cheeks. “Ditto.” “Thanks, Swayze,” I chuckled. “No, I mean it. You’re incredible, Julie.” With a fluttering pulse I captured his lips once more before pressing urgent words into his neck. “I need you.” “You have me,” he sighed. I reverently ran my hands over his chest, then slowly peeled off his remaining clothes. When my fingers closed around his length, Steve made a strangled noise, his brows furrowed. “You okay?” “God, yes.” The small grin vanished off my face when he suddenly sat up and panted “Condom.” I blinked at him. “Oh, yeah, good thinking.” It felt anything but. I was not special at all. He had packed condoms, like this was a regular occurrence. Like taking a woman to a safe house would inevitably end in sex. Before I could spiral completely, Steve raised his hands to my face. “I didn’t bring them,” he said softly. “Natasha slipped me some the other day. ‘Just in case.’” A relieved laugh escaped me. “Of course she did.” “But I was crazy enough to actually put one in my pocket tonight.” His thumbs drew small circles on my cheeks. “We can still stop if you want to.” I turned my face to breathe a kiss into his palm. “Never.”

A minute later I was safely dragging my wetness across his erection while Steve caressed every bit of me he could reach. The momentary hurt was forgotten and when I brought him to my entrance, he slid into me without a trace of resistance. By the time he bottomed out we were both panting. His hands on my thighs burned into my skin. I gave us a moment to adjust before settling into a lazy rhythm. “You feel so good,” he breathed. “So perfect for me.” One of his fingers traced a line from my throat to my navel. I leaned back at the slight pressure and moaned deeply at the sensation of the new angle. Heat was swirling around my stomach and chest as I increased the tempo. Everything was too much and yet not enough. Steve seemed to sense this, so deeply in tune with me after the intense few weeks behind us. He let his hand glide down until his thumb reached my clit and began drawing tight circles on it. I gasped, tilting my hips forward. But just when I started tightening around him, Steve placed both hands on my waist and stopped my movements. “No, please,” I whined but he just smiled with an unexpected twinkle in his eyes. “Trust me, it will be even better if you’re patient.” I hovered on the precipice for another second before the sharp edges of frenzy slowly blurred, leaving a sweet, tingling tension. Maybe he was right. I took a deep breath as I traced his cheek with my fingers and his softening gaze tugged at my very core. He pushed himself up, then pulled me into him. I winced as he slid deeper, but his embrace was warm and tight, calming me after that brush with ecstasy. My arms wound around his neck as I pressed a long kiss to his forehead. With our sweat-slicked skin fusing together and his hard length reaching unknown depths inside of me, we felt like a single entity, sustained entirely by heat and closeness. I love you. The words flashed through my mind with such force and conviction, I feared I had spoken them aloud. But my lips were still molded to Steve’s hairline. Relieved, I drew back slightly to find his mouth with mine and pour everything I did not dare confess into the kiss. My heart ached at almost feeling it in his response, the yearning, the need to hold him like this forever that rippled across my whole body. Could this be real? Could this ever exist outside these walls?

All worries paled when his tongue traced a path along my jawline to my pulse point where he began sucking softly. I took a shuddering breath as the fire inside me flared up. “Julie,” he whispered. My voice was no longer my own, so I guided his face to my chest and once more started to rock into him. Within moments I was on the brink again. Steve’s mouth was hot and eager while his hands guided the rolling of my hips, taking us both to new heights. “Fuck, Steve, don’t stop,” I rasped and his approving hum vibrated through the nipple he had latched onto. Everything about this was just right, the friction, the pressure, the angle — and suddenly I was screaming. White flashes overtook my vision and I shook so violently Steve pulled me even closer to steady me. He was panting almost as hard as me, visibly straining under the effort of holding back his own climax. Then he flipped us over to push my back into the mattress. I whimpered at the overstimulation but couldn’t help admiring the incredible sight of him above me. His golden skin glistened as his muscles worked tirelessly for every thrust. One of his hands found mine and they locked together tightly, a connection that almost felt deeper than the one stoking flames inside my belly. The pleasure curling down my spine was laced with a strange sense of belonging and I only hoped he was too lost in his own lust to notice the tears trickling down my temples. I love you so much. My heart tightened once again with the intense realization. “Come for me, darling” I said instead. “Please.” He groaned and redoubled his efforts, once more triggering my orgasm that hadn’t fully subsided. We cried out in unison as he finally let himself go. “Julie,” he croaked. His arms were shaking, barely holding him up, and I wondered how much of it was physical exhaustion and how much might be emotion similar to the one overwhelming my own heart. The shock and relief of having given into something at last. Given something unexpected a chance. Whatever it was, I didn't want him this far away anymore. The few inches between us were still too much, my skin prickling with the urge to pull him close again. So I did. And when I wrapped my arms around his shoulder blades, he melted into me with a deep sigh. As if, at least for a moment, he was too weary to fight anymore. He became perfectly pliable under my hands as they ran up and down his smooth back, his face fitted into the crook of my neck. The sensation of everything Steve crashed over me so rapidly that I had to press my lips into his temple to keep them from betraying me. I couldn't tell him. Not yet, not now. He had wanted me, yes. And he still lingered, seemingly content in losing his control and laser-focus for a little while. But that didn't mean any of this would last past our stay at the cabin. Even past that night.

I had hoped, however, that we could remain in our perfect bubble until dawn at least. Had still found unconditional affection in his eyes as I had led him into the shower. But even while his fingers gently rubbed soap into my skin, I could feel him slipping away from me, drawing further into his own little safe house with every passing second. And I had no idea how to bring him back. He stood by my bed when I settled under the blanket, his eyes once more unreadable. “Go to sleep, I'm just gonna get some water.” “Hurry back,” I yawned. He nodded once, the smallest of smiles on his lips. I sank into the sheets, letting his scent engulf me as sleep pulled me under.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

CHAPTER 8

MASTERLIST

Tag List: @multifanworld @peguem-o-pombo-agora @cvanstagram @yslvtre @wandasrogers @littleredone88 @before-we-get-started @sophham @missaprilt23 @chrissusmissus @dvmb-whxre @daddydraco0 @quicksilversthings @thechoosenonecreator @rosellia-hudsons @lokirogersgirl @nekoannie-chan @readawaythereality2 @yal1d @hyperfixationhovel

[zadig-fate]

Me and my Poland tour bestie (noriko_743 on ig) were reflecting on our insane week following the guys around and realised that we basically did a speedrun on the entire JO fangirl checklist.

It was Nori's first in-person JO gig ever at Warsaw 1 (!!!)

We got barricade for the first time in both our lives

Nori got photos and hugs with ALL the guys

I got a guitar pick in Wrocław!

We sang Umazane Misli with Bojan at Warsaw 2

Bojan actually recognised me in Poznań and Prague and remembered what we'd talked about in Wrocław 🙀

Nori got handwritten lyrics from Bojan for a tattoo

Nori's ig story got reposted by Kris!

We both ended up in Vita's photos on the band's official account

We ran into the guys "in the wild", i.e. out in the city during the day

We got the live debut of a new iconic outfit (all-white Kris)

We saw all (I think all?) the Stožice outfits in person

We saw the Demoni scream and Kris NGVOT in person

I was the numbers person / unofficial "queue manager" for the pre-wristband queue at Warsaw 2 and Poznań

We participated in fan actions that the guys really appreciated (shoutout jokeroutpolska for organising)

I met lots of tumblr mutuals 🥰

I met a bunch of people I have plans to see again in Munich, The Hague and Amsterdam

Like... it's crazy just how much happened in this last week. And there was no one show where we got everything, or nothing. Every single gig had something special to offer. So if you're wondering whether it's "worth" following JO around on tour... it really, really is. The experiences you have and the people you meet are incredible.

Speaking of, here are some other unforgettable tour experiences that will stick with me for a long time to come:

Nori and I only met at the hostel before Warsaw 1, and she wasn't even planning to come to that show, she only had a ticket for Warsaw 2! But I talked her into getting a cheap resale ticket for Warsaw 1, and she queued with me, and she loved it so much she immediately bought tickets for Wrocław and Poznań too, so we booked hotels together for the rest of the tour.

I literally just met Nori last week?? But we spent nearly every minute together between Warsaw 1 and Poznań, dealing with the highest highs and lowest lows of tour life, and it now feels like we've been friends for ages.

After the fucking absurd queue situation at Wrocław (4:45am and #45, WTF????) we decided that after the show, we would wait outside for the boys and then head straight for Poznań in my car. So we literally drove through the night with our new friend Safursey and formed the start of the Poznań queue.

Our hotel in Poznań wasn't ready until 2pm so we literally just took turns queuing and sleeping in my car. Nori and Safursey let me have the first sleeping shift since I drove us overnight.

I think we only slept between 15-20 hours total over 8 days???

I'm actually glad I got to experience a cursed gig (Prague) where everything went wrong. Seeing how professionally the guys reacted and how smoothly things were resolved made me appreciate just how experienced and calm they are.

Nori and I were unknowingly the centre of a major Twitter outrage after Warsaw 2 because someone accused us of stealing the microphone after Umazane Misli. Neither of us are on Twitter so we didn't even know about this controversy, but someone was clearly accusing us (and it was definitely us from the context) of stealing the microphone to sing, even though we had a sign asking to sing UM and Bojan was obviously pointing at us to get the microphone next (which is clear to see in all the videos of that moment).

Our friend Safursey deleted her Twitter account after Prague because people who were not there were spreading all kinds of insane rumours and unfounded accusations about the queue and Bojan's ig stories and refused to be corrected by the people who were actually involved. She got so much hate for explaining what was actually happening on the ground that she left the platform entirely, so that should tell you how toxic Twitter is.

I was feeling like such utter shit after the drama in Prague that I didn't even want to attend the concert anymore, but Safursey and @thisismyobsessionnow (Nori didn't come to Prague) came to comfort me and convinced me to still come to the gig, and I really appreciate that.

Overall an emotional roller coaster, but one I wouldn't give up for anything. We had SO much fun and met SO many people. I would do it again any time.

[thetreetopinn]

My ADD Medication Journey - Mar 15, 16 & 17, 2024

Oops... got distracted by other things (visiting the parents over the weekend). Forgot to make an entry here.

Friday, March 15th

Slept a little better then the previous night. I'd guess I managed somewhere between 4 and 6 hours. Not quite enough for my liking but it was sufficient to get me through the day.

I had taken a sleep aid--some over the counter antihistamines repackaged and rebranded as a sleep aid--and put on some soothing stuff to listen to while I lay in bed. It seemed to do the trick. I hope I don't have to keep taking the antihistamines every night I've taken my ADD medication.

Woke up feeling tired, but I'm used to that. Took my medication as soon as I was able to get something to drink--around 8:30am.

Work wasn't terrible, not as productive as I might have liked, but I did get enough done to still feel accomplished. The workload has eased down substantially now that A) we've kind of streamlined the process a bit and B) the backlog is effectively gone.

There's still some older stuff sitting there waiting for me to tackle it, but it's not super critical, and I've got other matters to address.

Tremors weren't as bad as the previous day, but still enough to notice.

I was able to focus enough on the things that mattered such that the most important things got taken care of.

I left to go see my parents immediately after work. For a not small stretch of the night, mom sat with me to go over my taxes so that we could both be reasonably sure I hadn't missed anything. I'm not super fond of the tax preparation services, and my state doesn't offer a proper free-filing method... because... well... fuck this state.

I got notice that I've been approved for my new apartment, and had to deal with some paperwork with that. More will be coming soon.

Went to bed later than I would have liked, but such is life.

Saturday, March 16th

Had trouble sleeping, but I got something like 5 or 6 hours of sleep I think. I always have trouble sleeping in a new bed, even if it's one I've slept in before, just not in a while.

Not taking my medication on the weekend so that I can guarantee a good night's sleep.

Got up early enough to eat breakfast with dad at a local place. Came back in time for him to go with others to go see a movie while mom and I babysat. That kid has waaay too much energy for me to keep up with.

Energy level was markedly lower than the last couple of days, but not low enough to make me need to nap as hard as I had during the weekends while on the previous run of medication.

Ended up napping anyway, but not for very long.

Finally came back home later than I would have liked but oh well. It didn't take long for me to start feeling drowsy enough to want to crawl into bed. Fell asleep fairly quickly.

Sunday, March 17th

Slept pretty well. Got more than 8 hours, which helped with the sleep debt from the week.

Took the day pretty slow and lazy, didn't have a lot I needed to get done, but of the things I should liked to tackle, I only got some of it done--such is life with ADHD and you don't take your meds.

I ended up feeling pretty tired at about 1 or 2 in the afternoon, to the point where I fell asleep in my computer chair for a little while.

I don't know if it's specifically the sleep debt thing because of the medication, or if it's also a function of just getting older.

Feeling a normal amount of tired as I'm looking at going to bed here in just a minute. Hoping to have a normal night's sleep.

[callipraxia]

Day Three Progress:

Total Word Count: 5877

Notebook Page Reached: 30

Percentage of Project Completed: 12%

Narrators Utilized: 1

Number of Scenes Worked On: 1

Interactions Written: 5

Outfits Described: 2, though far more sparse descriptions than any previous outfit descriptions.

Random Thought Had: “…how sure am I that I know how adding one hundred to a number works? Five seconds ago I was totally confident about that but now I am unsure if the number is getting bigger too fast. Why does this happen every time I think I have figured out a relatively painless way to address a problem? This is second grade math for crying out loud!”

Gonna be honest, I was displeased with my output for Day Three. There was a lot of filler, and a lot of deliberately using three little words where one ordinary word would do just to get to the count, and even then, I barely made it to par before midnight after writing hear-constantly for the last three hours of the day. I was feeling exceedingly poorly yesterday - all week I had been unable to sleep except for between the hours of 6-9 am, and I didn’t thrive on that kind of sleep diet when I was young. Now, it was a clear Message: find some means of going to sleep, or illness would be with me shortly.

Thankfully, though, my anxiety meds finally arrived at the pharmacy, so I slept from 1am-9am. Said medication and several rounds on the heating pad helped with the bad shoulder, as did taking six hours off of my unofficial job as my grandmother’s minder - I went home, washed several loads of clothes, washed up where my mother had been cooking earlier, and was in a much better state of mind by evening. Dr. Jean Shinoda Bolen would probably lump me in with the Hestias in her book of “conceptualizing feminine archetypes as Greek goddesses;” I don’t know if I would say I find anything spiritual about doing housework, but the silence and solitude and satisfaction of rapidly-visible results does do wonderful things for me. It’s one reason I’m so fond of Emily Bronte; her writing, sadly small though the surviving quantity is, is amazing of course, but I also relate to her intensely as a person. I, too, don’t do well physically or mentally when I spend too much time among people in 3D and can only really achieve equilibrium in a “very noiseless, very secluded but unrestricted and unartificial mode of life,” to quote Charlotte Bronte. I’m somewhat more gregarious than Emily (I can’t even see EJB posting anonymously on AO3, much less writing all this on tumblr), but despite that, I’ve always had an affinity for her, even though my collection of flaws is more akin to Charlotte’s.

As for why this wasn’t posted last night, there’s an easy explanation for that! Between scrambling to preserve my Duolingo streak and squeeze in my last NaNo update, my phone battery was extended past the limits of what it could do on 10%. So the phone died in my hand just after I started typing this post, so I put the phone on the charger and went to bed.

Anyway. Yesterday is over, today is another day. Here’s to a better Day 4!

[nightsidewrestling]

D.U.D.E Part 19 - Treat Her Right (Set in 2021)

Note: This is set in a universe where Men VS Women / Intergender matches can happen.

Chapter 1: here Chapter 2: here Chapter 3: here Chapter 4: here Chapter 5: here Chapter 6: here Chapter 7: here Chapter 8: here Chapter 9: here Chapter 10: here Chapter 11: here Chapter 12: here Chapter 13: here Chapter 14: here Chapter 15: here Chapter 16: here Chapter 17: here Chapter 18: here

Tags: @piratewithvigor @tantamount-treason @thedollmaker16 @janetreader

Around 2000 Words. 18+ in places (those chapters will be marked as 'Mature / sexual content' just to be safe). Please inform me if you wish to be tagged or untagged from posts. If the text is in italics and orange it's Kirby's inner monologue. If the text is coloured but not in italics, it's either dialogue or a P.O.V change (P.O.V changes will be in bold and translated dialogue will appear in square [ ] brackets), Key below. Quick note on Geia's text colour: Yes I do know that as Greed she should be in yellow but I decided to colour the men's dialogue yellow so Geia was changed to be pink like the other women in the story outside of the main 8.

The Main 8: Damo - Bio. Vi - Bio. Billie - Bio. Geia - Bio. Kirby - Bio. Honey - Bio. Eli - Bio. Sara - Bio.

Kirby's P.O.V:

Eddie treats Kirby to everything she wants for the six weeks after she gives birth, date nights at every restaurant he can find Within Yonkers, massages, full days spent shopping for stuff, both things for Kirby and the twins. Slowly getting Kirby and the twins used to longer car rides. Gathering everything they need for the twins and themselves and doing the long, ten hour, drive down to Florida.

Ethan Page is the first person to greet them at the Airbnb the next morning, Friday 2nd September 2021.

"Oh hi, I'm guessing you heard the news." Kirby chuckles when she answers the door, still in just an oversized shirt, boxer shorts and her black yoga pants she slept in.

"I was told you had the babies." Page beams.

"Ethan, meet Emyr and Ethan."

Page's eyes light up, "You did not."

"yeah, we named him Ethan, I kept thinking about how long you've known Eddie, and how much you and Eddie have impacted each other's careers."

"Oh my God," Page hugs Kirby tightly, "you're so sweet."

"Don't squeeze me, Ethan, I had a bad night last night."

"Oh no, everything okay?"

"Yeah, Eddie decide that we would relax with a couple drinks… and I only had one beer I felt off. I think my body's rejecting anything bad for the twins."

"Maybe, Renee did say that you're breastfeeding." Page shrugs.

"Wifey, what's goin' on?" Eddie asks, walking up behind Kirby in just a tank top and boxers.

"I'm introducing Ethan to Ethan." She smiles softly, feeling Eddie wrap his arms around her waist.

"Emyr has my eyes, Ethan has his beautiful mother's eyes." Eddie murmurs.

"Oh, so they aren't identical… they look almost identical."

"Small differences," Kirby whispers, "but I can tell my boys apart"

"How?" Page asks quietly.

"Emyr has green eyes and faint freckles on his face and shoulders. Ethan has blue eyes, no freckles but he does have… oh, what's it called, a port-wine stain? Basically a birthmark covering his right knee and part of his right thigh."

"My sons, my adorable baby boys." Eddie kisses both of the twins' heads.

Emyr yawns and opens his eyes, bright green like Eddie's. Emyr takes more after his father, slightly more tanned skin and harsher features, seemingly only taking his mother's freckles, his hair a darker shade of blond than his brother. Eddie picks his eldest son up, letting 'All Ego' see the similarities between him and his first son.

"Wait here, Mox got us stuff, it makes the boys look a lot more like Eddie." Kirby whispers to Page, heading to grab a box from the bedroom.

She returns to the nursery with a small box, 'Emyr' is written on the top in Renee's handwriting, she opens it and places the box in the cot, taking Emyr from Eddie to change his diaper and dress him. A black and yellow baby grow, a small graphic t-shirt with Tupac on it, a faux rosary with a pacifier instead of a cross, baby-sixed timberlands and a baby-sized black, Yankees cap.

Page starts giggling when Kirby hands Emyr back to Eddie, she heads off to get the other box as 'All Ego' pulls out his phone, dressing their younger son in an almost identical outfit, the only difference is the t-shirt, a baby version of Kirby's Ice Cube shirt. Eddie holds both of his sons up and Page takes a photo.

Ethan opens his eyes when Page holds him, showing off the bright blue eyes he's inherited from his mother, his features are softer than Emyr and Eddie's, paler skin, a softer jawline, a thicker bottom lip and much 'kinder' looking brow-line. As Kirby described he has no freckles or beauty marks. His skin is more porcelain in colour than his brother's sun-kissed tone.

"So, how's it feel to meet a baby named after you?" Kirby asks as she takes baby Ethan back into her arms.

"It's amazing, he's adorable. His brother's also adorable." Page smiles softly, clearly trying not to cry.

"Eddie still needs to think of who their godfathers will be. I know that Renee will be their godmother, and Ruthie can't be because she's their grandma. If she weren't related to them though, she would for sure be a godparent. I wouldn't have gotten through the pregnancy without her."

"How are you handling being a mother? I heard someone say you were told you couldn't have kids."

"I view my boys as miracles, mainly because I was under the belief I couldn't get pregnant, let alone pregnant with twins," She chuckles when Eddie hands Emyr to her, "What're you doing, Pá [dad]?"

"Gettin' a can of Red Bull from the fridge, mama," He kisses her gently, "I love you," he runs his fingers over the scar on her cheek, "my badass beautiful wifey."

"You owe me a coffee, Jefe [boss]."

"Jefe, you callin' me 'Jefe' now, Ma?" Eddie chuckles.

"Head of the household, ain't ya, big boss, El Jefe [the boss]?"

Eddie nods, grabbing a can of Red Bull from the fridge and sitting next to page on the couch, "Well, Ma, I may be the head of the household. But you, oh brotha, you are way more powerful than me."

"Yeah, I've seen clips from C.R.C, you've lifted guys who are five-hundred pounds plus." Page adds.

"That's because it's part of my job." Kirby shrugs.

"Lifting five-hundred pound men, Ma are ya hearin' yourself? 'I's part of my job'? To lift five-hundred pound men?" Eddie raises an eyebrow at his ivory-skinned wife.

"Yes, during my time in C.R.C it was a part of my job. Eddie, during your time with C.Z.W it was your job to do death-matches." Kirby raises an eyebrow back at her tanned husband.

"She's got you there, Eddie." Page mutters.

"You stay outta this, this is between me and her." Eddie grumbles.

"Oh, did I touch a nerve, Edward? Did I touch a nerve there?" Kirby smirks.

"Cierra la boca [Shut your mouth]." Eddie growls.

"Hazme [make me]." She growls in return.

"Ven auqí [come here], Mami." Eddie gets up, going over to Kirby, lifting her chin roughly and growling as he kisses her.

"Te amo [I love you], Papi." She whispers against his lips.

"Page, you may wanna leave… now."

'All Ego' gets up, leaving quickly. Eddie takes the twins, placing them in the cot before hoisting Kirby over his shoulder, taking her to the bed and making out with her.

"You little slut." Eddie growls against her lips, climbing over her.

Kirby flips their position and straddles his lap, "I'm only a slut for you, Papi."

"Damn right, ya only mine, you wanna fuck your Papi, Ma?"

"So soon after havin' twins, only if you use protection, Papi."

Eddie smirks, "We could go dry, or I could get off watchin' you get off." He suggests.

"Mutual masturbation or dry humping? I'd really prefer if you-"

Kirby goes silent when she hears the front door open, both her and Eddie sharing a worried look.

"Eddie?" Moxley's voice echoes through the house, "Kirby? You have guests… He Emyr, hey Ethan, how're my nephews doing?"

"So close to lettin' you tear my ass in two, but no, we have fuckin' visitors." Kirby grumbles.

Eddie's eyes light up, "Fuck them, you've never let me do that before."

"Eddie, no… Edward, we have guests."

"Fuck." Eddie grumbles.

Kirby and Eddie's shared sour mood is quickly dropped when they see their guests.

"Jack!" Eddie grins, letting out a breathless chuckle.

"Eddie!" Marciano chuckles, pulling Eddie into a tight hug.

Kirby looks from her former commentary partner to the other guests, Renee, carrying her and Jon's daughter Nora, and three others. One a rather tall, tanned man with waist length black hair in a long braid, wearing one of the old C.R.C merch shirts and jeans. Ashkii Tsinajinnie. The second, a short Japanese woman, a pink shirt with 'Sakura Power' written on the front and pink gym shorts on, matching her half-pink, half-black hair. Yoshi Nakagawa. The third and final guest from Kirby's past is an average height, around five-foot-seven, black man, nearly 300 pounds of both fat and muscle, his head shaved, wearing black sweatpants and one of Kirby's merch t-shirts from before she was gluttony.

"Mike! Mikey?!" Kirby starts tearing up.

"Kirby… Princess? Lawd a massi!" Mike pushes past Ash and Yoshi, taking Kirby's face in his hands, "Oh, Princess, breathe easy, you an Empress now, baby gal." His Jamaican accent brings back a flood of memories from his and Kirby's shared past.

"Mikey, I missed ya, ya dope." She whispers, taking a deep breath.

Mike holds Kirby close to him, kissing her cheek and rocking her to keep her calm, "Oh, mis sistren, look at you, an Auntie, not jus' an Auntie but a Mammy now."

"Eddie, what's wrong?" Jack whispers.

"You're Mike" Eddie asks, completely astonished, "You're the guy she's cried over? You…" Eddie's astonishment turns into anger, "You kicked my wife outta your home?!"

Jack and Mox rush to hold Eddie back. Kirby pulls away from Mike and rushes to Eddie, holding his face, witnessing the rage in his eyes.

"Eddie, calm." Kirby whispers, her jaw dropping when Eddie pushes her aside.

"No, not wit' him. You," Eddie points at Mike, "you helped Damien get in her head, you knew she didn't want to be gluttony, if her parents weren't around she would have been homeless, you could have helped her but you didn't! I understand now why ya ring name is 'Monster', because you are one!" Eddie yells, getting up close with Mike

"Eddie, don't." Kirby rushes up to the side of both men, trying to push them apart.

Mike pushes Kirby away, by her face, knocking her to the floor, "How the fuck do ya know about my past, huh? She been tellin' you tings she ain't got no right to talk on."

Mike storms out, taking Ash and Yoshi with him. Kirby storms off in the opposite direction, leaving through the back door, hearing Eddie's footsteps behind her as she walks, going down the back alley between two rows of houses.

"Ma, wait!" Eddie hollers.

"Go fuck yourself, Kingston!" Kirby yells as she continues walking.

"Babe, just give me a chance."

"To do what? To ruin more of my chances at ever gettin' a friend back?"

"If he did that shit to you, was he ever a friend?"

Kirby stops walking, standing completely still as she thinks about it. Eddie's right, Mike practically handed me to Damien. he willingly let me get brainwashed by that tyrant.

"Doll?" Eddie whispers as he walks up behind her.

"Fuck, Eddie, I'm sorry… you're right, he fucked me over, he let me go."

Eddie wraps his arms around Kirby, checking if she's been hurt, "Breathe, ya a'ight, a'ight?"

"Yeah, yea… I'm good."

Eddie leads her back to the house, right as Emyr and Ethan wake up, the boys crying when they wake up.

"Oh, my baby boys." Kirby runs to the cot, picking up her sons and holding them close.

Marciano and Moxley check up on Eddie, Renee helps Kirby feed the twins, grabbing a bag of breastmilk from the fridge. Renee gives Ethan a bottle of breastmilk and Kirby takes her shirt off to feed Emyr.

"God damn, look at those tits!" Eddie hollers.

"Eddie, I'm feeding our baby, don't you get all fuckin' horny on me."

"Look at how fuckin' sexy you are though," Eddie smirks, kissing Kirby gently, "ya so sexy, Ma, so beautiful."

Kirby shakes her head, chuckling softly when she looks over at Renee. Renee mouths 'Go kiss him'. Kirby finishes feeding Emyr as Eddie walks out to the garage. She hands Emyr to Moxley, putting her shirt on as she walks to the garage.

"Eddie, hold up." She reaches for his hand as he gets to the car.

"What's up, Kirby?" He raises an eyebrow as he looks at her.

"Uhh… well, I… I wanted to do this…" She whispers, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him, gently at first but slowly heating up when Eddie puts his hands on her waist.

"Oh fuck, Ma," Eddie whispers against her lips, "every time you kiss me, it feels like the first time again."

[munstysmind]

Steve & Harper:

1) who can outdrink the other?

2) who says “I love you” more?

4) who swears more?

6) who forgets their anniversary?

9) who finds stray animals and begs the other to let them keep them?

10) who usually makes dinner?

18) who finds it impossible to stay angry at the other for long?

Chris & Maddie:

3) who has trouble sleeping alone?

4) who swears more?

9) who finds stray animals and begs the other to let them keep them?

13) who gives the most compliments?

14) who usually starts/causes arguments between them?

15) who isn’t afraid to embarrass the other in public?

16) who gives the other cringeworthy pet names?

20) who is more ‘physically passionate’? (hugs, kisses, or maybe more…)

Steve & Harper:

1) who can outdrink the other?

Steve. Harper isn’t much of a drinker past a single glass when they’re out to dinner or celebration. Her dad was a violent drunk and she refuses to find out if she is. She’s never been drunk and never will be.

2) who says "I love you" more?

It’s pretty even. When one says it the other immediately reciprocates. They have a rule, they tell each other in the morning and at night. No matter how busy their days been they take that time to tell each other, even if it’s via text.

4) who swears more?

Steve, although Harper is pretty close behind him. Steve swears more openly where as Harper tends to mutter it under her breath.

6) who forgets their anniversary?

Well, they both forgot their first anniversary. Didn’t realise until a week later when Harper had to check something on the action report from the undercover mission where they hooked up and saw the date.

9) who finds stray animals and begs the other to let them keep them?

Steve. He’s a massive softy when it comes to children and animals.

10) who usually makes dinner?

Steve. He enjoys cooking and is good at it, Harper is not. She manages to burn canned soup.

18) who finds it impossible to stay angry at the other for long?

Steve. Especially when he’s the cause of a fight. Harper tends to play everything over and over in her head for hours trying to figure out where she fucked up when they have a fight, which in turn makes her hold a gridge even if she doesn’t mean too. She’s getting better at not dwelling though.

Chris & Maddie:

3) who has trouble sleeping alone?

Maddie, especially when her fear or anxiety is playing up. It’s a big part of the reason she slept next to Seb for months after her assault, and why she’ll still climb in with him sometimes. Having someone next to her makes her feel safe.

4) who swears more?

Maddie, she’s Australian, it’s pretty self explanatory.

9) who finds stray animals and begs the other to let them keep them?

Both. They’re total pushovers when it comes to animals. If they had it their way they’d be on a farm with all the animals.

13) who gives the most compliments?

Chris. Travis destroyed Maddie’s confidence. Chris is determined to make sure she knows not a single thing the cunt told her is true. Her messages are full of him telling her how great she was in the latest SPN episode, how beautiful she looks in the latest selfie she posted, daily inspirational quotes that make him think of her.

14) who usually starts/causes arguments between them?

If they have an argument it’s caused by things like frustration, misunderstandings, anxiety ect. The few times they’ve had a fight caused by someone specifically was when Chris kept pushing the topic. But it’s situations where the topic needs to be pushed, like Maddie going to the doctor when she’s sick. He has never and will never push something that doesn’t need to be just because he wants to discuss it then and there because all that does is make Maddie retreat and shit down in self defence.

15) who isn't afraid to embarrass the other in public?

They don’t. They’re both very aware that their every move is watched when they’re in public and they refuse to give anyone anything they can use against them.

16) who gives the other cringeworthy pet names?

Neither. Chris did try to use her childhood family nickname on her once. She shut that down real quick. “I don’t want my boyfriend calling me the name my grandmother calls me”

20) who is more physically passionate? (hugs, kisses, or maybe more...)

Both, but for different reasons. They’re both physically affectionate people but in different ways. Maddie seeks Chris’ touch a lot for comfort, specifically hugs. Chris can tell the difference between a “I’m loving on you” hug and a “I’m scared and anxious” hug. However, outside of physical touch for comfort, Chris is definitely the more passionate one, always wanting to be in contact with her, even if it’s just holding hands or a hand on her lower back. And in the bedroom… the ban worships her.

[opheliaweeps]

heyhey y’all

here it is, the first installment for ‘I wish I could’ve said’ and uh, well, it’s a long one (whoops). the next few won’t be as long, I just had, like, a few extra things to say to this person. enjoyyy.

i wish i could've said: intro | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6

-

here’s a letter to the girl I met on the third day of my first year at university. I was late to class, you had an empty seat next to you, and we were both hopelessly confused by school already. you were missing your mother tongue and your mother’s cooking, ghar ka khana, and i had accidentally packed too much food, an extra spoon, and the little bit of my culture that is the same as yours. bas, what else is left to be said after that?

here’s a letter to the girl I went to all of my classes with, sat next to every hour I was on campus. we talked about loving family and missing old friends. we worked on projects, complained about other classmates, and laughed till we cried. i would bring extra food and an extra spoon, and we would sit side-by-side everyday and eat and talk until my dabba was empty.

here’s a letter to the girl who I would walk with even when we met more and more people, started making more friends too. we worked together on partner projects, started arguing. but we still laughed and made memories saath-saath. we got good grades on our joint assignments and cried over our shitty midterm marks. I still brought too much food and too many spoons, and the tears from our eyes and stories from our lips would fall into that quickly-emptied box for me to take home and keep.

here’s a letter to the girl who hurt me and who I hurt. we fought after one of our projects got a bad mark because of a typo. we fought after a whole night spent awake working on a construction project with two other people, running on pizza and coffee and shitty naps. I slept for thirty minutes in a sad office chair. I let you sleep for three hours on a wooden bench with your jacket under your head and my jacket keeping you warm. we fought when I decided I wanted to work on the last partner project of the term alone, because we fought so much on the previous one that it almost broke me. yaar, maine kitna bharosa kara tha tujhpe. I trusted you. I didn’t want to take a sledgehammer to one of the best relationships of my life, and besides, we were still eating from the same bowl everyday.

but you did that for us, when you sent me a couple of long texts and I sent a few back, and we never spoke about them again for the last two weeks of school. you did that, when I came to campus at the start of the new term to find you nowhere, when I texted you wondering where you were only for you to tell me after the fact that you had transferred out of the program, hope we can still meet up! you did that, and for the next month I was broken and left with nothing but a text thread that was never active again and photographs from when you came to my house for diwali.

you did that. and even though I was at fault too, I still tried to fix it, fix us. know that without understanding that I did what I could, I would not have healed. you reopened a jagged heart-scar I thought had healed a long time ago. now I know if it didn’t work out, it just wasn’t meant to be.

so this is a letter to the girl who I thought would be in my life forever, the friend who supports me in tough times and takes me book-shopping if I’m feeling down. all I have now are the memories, but know this: I’ll always love the girl I remember from the beginning, the one I met who was lit golden by the sun and missing home. I hope you’re eating well.

-

I’m not sure what kind of letter this was supposed to be, if it was a love letter or a goodbye letter or something in between. I guess I’ll leave that for you to figure out. you were always the one to make decisions for the both of us.

[la-principessa-nuova]

week 1 on my adhd meds felt like i kind of understood what was happening

week 2 i’m just so confused what’s even happening

like i stayed up really late twice in a row and i’m not sure how much or in what way the meds might have contributed to that happening

and then i felt so tired the next day it was really hard to judge much but that’s just from lack of sleep

then i went to bed normal time the next night

but somehow slept through all of my alarms and woke up at 10:30 and ran upstairs for work still half asleep

and nobody said anything about it or asked when i joined the meeting 30 minutes late so 🤷‍♀️ but maybe i just lucked out bc most of the team was out today so things were a little weird anyway

and then i was really easily distracted today because there was this one thing that was really bugging me about the code i was working on that i kept looking into instead of doing what i was supposed to

but then it turned out i uncovered a pretty major issue so idk maybe that was actually a normal thing to get caught up on

but i was like dead tired after work and went straight to lay down in bed but then something happened and my parents needed me to watch the dog so i went and got her and i was feeling a bit more awake by then after getting a break from work

and then i organized my pins and ate dinner but now im so tired again

which is normal and good to be tired at this time i guess but i need to get ready for bed if im doing that now

and also like i’ve been eating way less

which i can certainly afford to

but i think that’s from a thing my therapist suggested

and it basically has completely changed my relationship with food

but i just like feel so thrown off my game

and like who’s life am i even living?

idk

but i make meals and sit down at the table to eat now

and i like it, it turns out

eating is way more enjoyable when you focus on it and take your time

instead of rushing to inhale a frozen pizza so you can use your lunch break to scroll tumblr

i’ve learned a lot about dissociation this week, especially depersonalization, partially from reading about it and partially from hands on experience

and today i did not take care of myself

after running upstairs late to work and demoing what i did yesterday when i worked a little late to the people who needed to see what i did, i went downstairs to use the bathroom, brush my teeth, etc.

i should have just taken an early lunch, but i decided to try finishing that work first so someone who needed my changes to do their work could have it ready.

but i should have brought up a drink, and i didn’t. so after finishing the one i poured last night and brought up with me in the morning, i had nothing all day.

and then i just forgot to go to lunch, and i worked until after 6.

btw i’m supposed to work 9-5 (mostly flexible but i have a meeting at 10 every day), but this week i worked 9:30-9:30, 9:30-6, 10-4, 9:30-6, and 10:30-6.

Part of that was not respecting my own needs over other people’s and pushing while burnt out to get something done that somebody else is waiting on, and part of it was just hyperfocusing on something interesting at the end of the day and suddenly realizing it’s late and I feel so tired I’m not sure I can handle the stairs, sometimes at the same time.

so i found myself at the end of the day having not eaten or drinken anything all day aside from the rest of my water from last night, until i cracked open a can of soda at like 7pm, which i drank over the course of like 2 hours.

so at like 9:30 i had only had that to drink, and i’d eaten some trail mix at some point between work and then, and i still felt all out of sorts

and then i had a very small dinner (not like intentionally trying to eat a small dinner, i just made something small just to get some vegetables in and then after eating it i was like “i guess i’m done eating now”)

and now i’m laying in bed typing this feeling really tired and wanting to just roll over and sleep but i do need to least take my meds and brush my teeth and hopefully have the energy to shower after that

and then i should go to sleep but im like so likely to suddenly be awake

[nathank77]

10/31/24

10:32 a.m

It's been approximately 365 since I was forced against my will to spend a night in the psych ward and it permanently fucked me up. I'm trying not to dwell... but it's hard not to remember that I microslept and all the events that I'm now having flashbacks to that occurred this day approximately 1 year ago. I remember everything so vividly. I remember i hadn't slept for 4 days. I remember what time I was admitted. I remember what lead to me going to the e.r. I remember what I told them. I remember everything. And I mean everything.

I'm truly trying not to dwell but talking about things helps..considering i don't really have a therapist anymore. Erin stopped seeing me. Mike is sick and cancels legit every single week. And the new therapist canceled 3 times out of 5 appointments....... I didn't have therapy last week..i haven't had therapy this week. So all I have is tumblr.

Anyways I'm trying a new statin as of yesterday night. I have to take it 3 days a week... to try to mitigate side effects..... my wrist hurts... technically I couldn't have slept on it wrong. I feel potentially muscle weakness... idk....... I mean that's the problem.... before starting it I would occasionally have a muscle spasm. Or a sore neck or something from like sleeping on it wrong. Or muscle spasms bc of dehydration/stress/anxiety/caffeine. It makes it hard to know whether or not I am having side effects or if I am anxious and having tactiles....

I realize something very important. I don't have things to do. I mean just laundry, cooking, showering, running errands like grocery shopping.

What does that mean? All i have time to do is have anxiety. All I have time to do is freak out about thing, overthink and create side effects.....my wrist could hurt bc I slept on it wrong, it could hurt from doing the pumpkins. It could hurt from the statin too.

I mean it's problematic. I'd really rather not go on injectables... as a transguy, as happy as I am about testosterone I think about my testosterone it makes me remember it's a commitment to life long injections... or at least creams and gels which I've tried and don't like. The injection is ideal for many reasons. I can't transfer the gel onto someone else. I don't have to put it on everyday.

But as a transguy I truly understand the commitment it is to have to do biweekly injections for the rest of my life. Even if I get my ovaries removed.... id go into menopause in my 30s if I were to stop testosterone...

Of course this injectable medication is different.... but it's a commitment and not one im positive i want to do.

Yet as I'm typing my thumbs hurts... I feel as though it's hurt before.... cause I mean this generation is prone to arthritis.... being a gamer, someone who writes, and someone who texts and uses my phone.

I haven't met anyone. Life doesn't get better and I'm really considering running away since this dog is permanently here with my monthly check and getting that Airbnb and ending it.

I don't have anything to live for. If I was a someone i would pop a new medication. Go to work, pick the kids up, make dinner. And if I was to have anxiety about the side effects sure I could have some... but I'd have less time to dwell and worry about it.

I want to change my diet cause my cheese intake is disgusting and I know it contributes to my chlorestoral..

Sleep was awful last night. I had a dream where I woke up at 8:30 a.m and my alarms never went off. Idk how many hours i got. I must have gotten between 5-7... but falling asleep took a while.

The two nights before, I struggled to fall asleep, it took a while but I did.

Tonight I'm giving myself a tiny bit more xanax since it's the year mark of having spent a night in the psych ward...

I'm wondering how my thyriod is doing. As I'm hungry more frequently... and living behind the barricade I'm sure helps... but there is also another anxiety....what if I'm right and my mother would rather me live behind this barricade until Riley dies and this is my new life. Feeling like I don't matter at all to my family..

I wish I had something to do except have anxiety. I wish I was a someone. I wish the dog would leave..I hope the statin works out.

But it's like sometimes I wake up with neck pain cause I slept funny and id never say it was white mulberries or lions mane.... so it's like a catch 22. I'm hyper vigilant and anxiuos and anxiety can create muscle spasms. And I also have tactile hallucination still.

I feel like my life is purposeless. And I should end it before it gets worse.

[brokenlibrarygirl]

so I need a bit of a vent…

My parents have been in town since the 14th. I love them dearly but they treat me like I’m 17, not almost 49.

My townhouse/condo has two switches in my kitchen that can be temperamental. One is for the overhead light (which will flicker or not turn on completely every 50th-100th time) the other is for the garbage disposal (which won’t turn on 5% of the time on the first try).

I live with it because it doesn’t bother me, it’s not completely broken, and I don’t want strangers in my home. Monday comes and the kitchen light doesn’t turn on immediately. Of course this is an emergency for the two of them. I wake up and they tell me, I flip the switch and it turns on. But, of course, “We HaVe To Get It FiXEd.”

I tell my mother, that she needs to call and take care of everything. The company “allegedly” will be here the same day. 7 hours later, they have to reschedule to today. I was fine with that. I slept 11 hours that night because of the anxiety the day caused. After a quiet day yesterday; I was ready for today.

So parents go to overnight with friends and make me get up before 6 am. (4:50am if you need to know) I get the reconfirm call for the appt. at 9 am. I’m to get a call 30-45 minutes prior to arrival. OK. I’m chill, and enjoying the alone time.

When 1 pm rolls around, I get a bit annoyed. I’ve been up for 7 hours, It’s been 4 hours and no call. From Mondays’s experience I knew not to call. At 2pm my mom calls to check in. I tell her I’m cancelling if they reschedule again. I used a lot of F words to emphasize my anger.

For context I worked retail/customer service for 10 years between my teens and twenties. I know that a lot of things are out of control for service workers. I am empathetic and patient. You really have to fuck up or waste a shit-ton of my time until I lose patience. I work with middle schoolers…..

2:30 rolls up with a call from the company offering a gift certificate if I reschedule for next week. I said, as calmly as I could, “I’m sorry, but I’ve already wasted two days on this, I’m going to have to cancel.”

If you work as a an electrician for a company that claims same day service, QUIT!! I would rather know what day and time you’ll be at my home, even if it is three days from now, than waste 72 hours waiting for “same day service.”

[mariaelenadungo]

My incredible journey to motherhood 🤰❤

It was a difficult but grateful path! A path that was filled with challenges, but ultimately led to the most precious gift of all: my beautiful baby. While my labor may have been long and challenging, resulting in an emergency cesarean section, I am filled with gratitude because my little one is worth every moment of struggle.

From the very beginning, I dreamt of a smooth and natural birth. However, life had a different plan in store for me - Imagine more than 13 hours of labor! But as per my partner, it was 24 hours since June 4 at dawn I already felt the pain, and went to the hospital but was advised to go home because I was still 1 cm. I haven't slept the whole day and night until the next day, June 5 - I can feel that this is it. Still 1 cm but because I am already in my 41st week my doctor helped me dilate my cervix until it turned 3 cm, 5 cm, then after a few hours, 9 cm. As the hours passed by and the pain intensified, it became clear that my labor wasn't progressing as expected. The medical team asked my partner for a go signal if they could perform an emergency cesarean section to ensure the safety of both me and my baby.

In those moments leading up to the surgery, I had mixed emotions: fear, uncertainty, and a sense of disappointment in myself because I was stucked at 9 cm. God knows I tried to make it into a normal delivery - pushed all the way. Baby's heartbeat became low and I'm having a fever. But amidst it all, one thing remained committed - the overwhelming love I already felt for my unborn child. It was this love that tied me up, giving me the strength to face whatever challenges lay ahead.

To be honest, I felt a slight pinch when they gave me the anesthesia, and after a few minutes, I fell asleep. The anesthesiologist woke me up and told me that I snore lol and that moment, I heard someone say "Mommy's up" and heard the first cry that filled the room. A wave of relief and joy washed over me as tears of happiness streamed down my face. I held my little one for the first time (THE BABY THAT WE PRAYED FOR HOW MANY YEARS), they called it "Unang Yakap" and in that instant, all the pain, fatigue, and uncertainties were forgotten. The connection between us was deep.

4 days later, I got out first and Xyria was left at the hospital for another 2 days for monitoring because she was yellowish. I remembered crying overnight at home because I miss my baby. I was anxious and worried. I was going back and forth to the hospital to breastfeed her. But thank God, she's okay now. So here I am recovering from a cesarean and realized that it isn't just about physical healing; it's also an emotional and mental journey. The experience of having major surgery and becoming a parent can be overwhelming. But I've been fortunate to have a supportive partner Xyruz Hubahib, family, and friends who have been there to lend a listening ear and offer a helping hand.

Today, the 12th day since I gave birth to my precious Xyria, I am humbled and grateful for every twist and turn in this remarkable journey. The sacrifices made, so far the sleepless nights, sore nipples because of breastfeeding lol and the tears shed are all small prices to pay for the incredible joy and love that fill my heart. ♡

[fanficg12023]

The revolution against the pigs 

Synopsis:

What if old Benjamin had helped the animals by reading the seven commandments or explaining what was happening on the farm? In the book Animal Farm, Old Benjamin is an old donkey and one of the only animals who know how to read, but he refuses to read the 7 commandments, he wants to stay neutral in the situation, but by refusing to explain what is happening, he helps Napoleon to continue taking advantage of the animals. So, what would have happened if he had helped them and the animals had realized that the stories the pigs told them were all lies?

Rafael T.Kubala e Teresa Neustein 9ºD

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FANFIC:

Snowball was expelled, and now, Napoleon, assisted by the other pigs, is the leader of the farm. Because of this new regime, their situation is worse than ever, but they didn't realize that because of Squealer's lies. They were working countless hours in the windmill and on the farm, eating the same food every day and sleeping on the ground of the barn; while the pigs lived in their own homes, slept in bed, wore clothes, and ate delicious food.

One night, when the animals were almost sleeping after a long day of work, a group of pigeons came desperately with some important information. All the animals got up, even those already sleeping, to hear what they wanted to say. The pigeons started screaming breathlessly because of how fast they came to the farm, they saw Napoleon talking, apparently making some commerce deal with a man called Mr Whymper. The pigeons also said that making commerce deals, especially with humans, was against the 7 commandments and Old Major’s speech. 

The animal farm was in chaos, they were all screaming and trying to understand what was happening because they all had a vague memory of Old Major's speech that said that any relationship between animals and humans was wrong and needed to be avoided. Trying to get some explanation from the pigs, they knocked on Mr. Jones' old house, which the pigs now inhabit. After a while of knocking and screaming, the dogs came out barking at the animals, they got scared and backed down, and then Squealer came out with a confused look on his face. The animals explain what the pigeons told them:

Comrades- Squealer said- This is insane, Napoleon is only doing that to provide a better life for you comrades. Old Major said that commerce with humans is allowed if it’s done for the benefit of Animal Farm, he never prohibited commerce. Dear animals, I already know what happened, Snowball must have come into your dreams and put those crazy memories into your heads. Now go to sleep because we all have a lot of work to do tomorrow.

Even though the animals were not convinced, they went to the barn to sleep, but they couldn't, they kept talking about it. When Clover looked to the side and saw Old Benjamin in a corner, with a tired and angry face, she screamed eagerly:

Old Benjamin!- she said- you know how to read, right? You could read the 7 commandments to us! That way we could know if what the pigs are telling us is the truth, and you probably remember Old Major's speech, if you could freshen up our memory it would be great! 

Old Benjamin simply said no and turned around, but Clover insisted: 

Why not? It would help everyone, do you really want to live in a world of lies?- Old Benjamin didn't even move- come on, we all gonna give you half of your food for the next week, right comrades? - every animal listening agreed- so, what do you say?

Old Benjamin turns to them and walks outside of the barn, every animal follows him, to the wall where the 7 commandments were written: 

The seven commandments are: 

1- Whatever goes upon two legs is an enemy;

2- Whatever goes upon four legs, or has wings, is a friend;

3- No animal shall wear clothes; 

4- No animal shall sleep in a bed; 

5- No animal shall drink alcohol; 

6- No animal shall kill any other animal; 

7- All animals are equal.

 And also, in Old Major’s speech, he said that any kind of relationship, commercial or not, between animals and humans was totally prohibited. 

Listening that the animals started screaming again, Animal Farm was again in chaos, even Boxer was speechless with this situation and followed the crowd that started punching the front house’s door: 

The pigs are doing everything that is prohibited in the 7 commandments!!!- scream a couple of animals

Squiller opened the door, and right when he was about to say something, the animals pushed him away and ran inside the house. They went upstairs, dragged Napoleon out of the bed, turned on the oven, and threw a blanket over the fire, burning the whole house down. 

When all the animals were outside, Clover started screaming:

We know everything you guys did to us, It’s all against the 7 commandments and Old Major!!

Squiller started to explain themselves but Boxer cut him:

Don’t ever try to explain something to us again! We are tired of your lies! Starting from now, the pigs are going to sleep in the barn with us, eat the same food, and work the same hours, otherwise, you two are going to have the same ending as Snowball.

The pigs, with no choice but to accept, started working in the field the same night. Defeated, and finally, there was peace and equality on the farm, now all the animals are equal.

[calamityandme]

I have been hating myself so so much today. I burnt the cinnamon rolls I was trying to make for breakfast/lunch. It was the icing on top of my shit cake that’s been this week.

I have been trying to keep my head up, but it’s been hard. We are broke because of utilities being so high. Our electric bill was very high because 1. AC hadn’t been working for a week and 2. Our landlord didn’t fix a broken window for FOUR fucking months lol. Landlords amirite.

I have been trying to eat canned goods so we don’t have to get groceries for a bit.

The past three days the temperature in our place has been hovering between 86-82 F. It’s been so hot I couldn’t wear anything other than a bra and underwear inside.

Every day I have been taking “pool baths” where I make the temp of my bath water what you’d expect from a public pool on cloudy day. Goosebump level cold.

I couldn’t stomach the thought of food because the house was so hot, but I had a pounding headache and I knew it was from a lack of food.

I found a non-expired can of green beans and ate it in one sitting while sobbing lol. I felt delirious. Everything was making me cry.

I couldn’t even sleep in the same bed as my partner. I slept on the couch the first really hot night, then he did next.

I don’t want to sound like a complainer. At least we still have food and a place to live. I just can’t stomach the thought of eating some of the food we have.

I used to love pizza rolls. I’d buy a big bag of 100 for $10.50 at Walmart. I ate them for many months until one day the red sauce made me have bad acid reflux. Now, I see the couple handfuls of pizza rolls still in their place in the freezer and I want to gag.

I imagine what they taste like. All I can taste is freezer burn. I know that flavor very well.

Similar story is to be had for the breakfast sandwiches in the freezer. Partner got tired of them right as I did and we have a few left in the box.

I feel like my body tries to find anyway possible to make my life more difficult lol. Of course I have to be insanely picky when I am starving. Sometimes I would rather starve for HOURS instead of eat a non-safe food.

I couldn’t eat today until 4 PM because the only safe food I have today is homemade mac n cheese. I couldn’t cook until the house cooled down from 82 F to 75 F.

I hate how particular I am. Why can’t I go with the flow? Why do I both think too much and not enough before I speak?

Okay I’m done