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downwiththeficness · 1 year ago

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Shadow and Veil-Chapter Seventeen

Summary: Eva Moore’s life was a carefully constructed fiction. Every day, she did exactly what her mother in law, her husband, and his best friend expected of her. No mistakes. And, that was going pretty well for Eva right up until a huge complication literally tried to run her over. Now, she’s faced with trying to keep the pieces of her life from falling apart while attempting (and failing) to keep her feelings for her husband’s new business partner at bay.

A/N: This fic is a sister-fic to A Need So Great and A Need Unleashed. You do not need to have read ANSG or ANU to read this fic, but there are Easter eggs from those fics in Shadow and Veil for readers with keen eyes. This fic is explicit for canon-compliant blood, gore, violence, and sex. As such, it is intended for an adult audience, only. A/B/O dynamics come with their own warning. Anyone under the age of 18 should not interact with this work. I do not consent to reposting this work to other platforms. Reblog only to Tumblr.

Word Count: ~4000

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Masterlist Read on AO3

She waited the agreed upon few days before making a trip to the library. Holding her Intro to Spanish book against her chest, Eva strode inside. They hadn’t discussed how the messages would be passed back and forth. No time to work out the details with the threat of being found out so close.

Turning down an aisle, Eva tried to put herself in Horacio’s mindset. It wasn’t exactly easy. Other than the barest details of where he was from and what he was doing in her life, Eva didn’t know that much about him.

She couldn’t help but to have doubts about whether or not she’d put her life into the hands of the right person. History had proven that she wasn’t the best judge of character and the stakes were too high for her to make this kind of error. She kept coming back to the conversation Horacio didn’t know she overheard, to the way he cut off any plan to use her as a tool for the investigation.

Horacio was a man on a mission, a man determined to close this case with an arrest and justice served. There was simply no other option, no other acceptable outcome. Eva was a key resource that he’d refused to tap in pursuit of his goal. He could have pushed her into testifying, threatened or bribed her to bend to his will.

But, he hadn’t.

Horacio gave her all the control, let her decide the terms of their relationship. He negotiated her wildly oscillating emotions and, at the same time, stubbornly held the line when it came to her safety. His dedication, in hindsight, was nothing less than baffling.

Eva didn’t know what to do with that kind of confusion. She supposed she would do exactly what she was doing now—looking for a message in the non-fiction section. Another ten minutes or so passed like this, Eva meandering through the stacks aimlessly while she looked for clues. Eventually, she had to resign herself to the knowledge that she would need a little help.

Swinging around the corner, Eva headed for the circular desk in the center of the library. Behind it sat a middle aged woman who was carefully checking a stack of books back into the system before setting them on a rolling cart to be returned to their proper shelf. Eva didn’t recognize her, but she looked friendly enough.

Eva approached with a smile and held up her book, “Hi, I’d like to check this out again.”

The librarian returned the smile, “Of course. Any others catch your fancy?”

“Um, no,” Eva replied, “But, I thought maybe you might have something for me. My name is Eva Moore.”

It was a reach, a shot in the dark. But, Eva was more anxious about leaving Horacio waiting for her than she was about asking stupid questions in a nearly empty library.

Leaning forward, the librarian said, “I’m Margaret. Unfortunately, I don’t know anything about having something for you.”

Eva’s heart dropped a little in disappointment. It looked like she was going to have to keep trying. Nevertheless, she’d been there for half an hour at least already and she didn’t have much more time between meetings. She would have to come back tomorrow and see if she could figure out where the message was hidden.

“Do you like music, dear?”

Thrown by the odd change in topic, Eva shrugged, “A little.”

Margaret reached over and picked up an eight by three card from a small stack on the desk, “There’s this new group playing our charity event next week. Maybe you’ve heard of them. Stag Nation?”

Brows lifting, Eva almost smiled, “Yes, I’ve heard of them.”

“A bit too rock and roll for my taste, but their singer is just lovely.” She handed Eva the card, “You should stop by, maybe make a donation.”

Eva nodded, “I’ll do that, thank you.”

“Wonderful,” Margaret chirped, “Here’s your book. You’ve got it for another two weeks.”

Thanking Margaret, Eva took the book and tucked it against her chest again. It wasn’t until she got to the parking lot that she realized the card in her hand was probably how Horacio sent the message. Eagerly, she dropped into the seat of her car and read it over.

She read it over again.

If there was a coded message in it, Eva was hopeless as she tried to decipher it. Frustrated, she sighed and tossed the card into the passenger’s seat. She picked up the book in her lap and went to do the same with it, pausing when she caught the edge of a bookmark peeking out from the pages.

Opening the book to the marked page, Eva checked the little piece of cardstock for writing or anything unusual in the type. Nothing. Just a standard bookmark with the library’s information on it. She threw it atop the Stag Nation invite.

And that’s when she noted the post it note. Yellow. Standard size. On it was writing that was neat and orderly. A date. A time. An address. Eva smiled as she read it over. Then, she closed the book and started the engine.

The rest of her meetings for the day were a blur of note taking and pretending that being asked to make coffee didn’t make her want to toss a cup of it into their face. She wouldn’t allow herself to think about the post it, wouldn’t even touch the book again, until she pulled into the driveway of the house.

After throwing it into her purse, Eva slung the bag over her shoulder and walked inside. At the door, she listened for an indication that there was someone else in the house. Josh hadn’t paid her any attention since the night of the party and Alexei seemed to have disappeared, as well.

She didn’t know what was discussed in The Lounge that night, or why Josh felt the need to call an emergency meeting. There was nothing on the books that indicated any shift within the company—no large sum of money transferring to one of the off shore accounts, no unusual expenses. There weren’t even any complaints from one of their employees.

It had to be the new project Josh was working on. Eva cringed as she thought about it and what the consequences of a success would mean for others like her. If Horacio already delivered the product, Josh would be running tests on it. One or more of those tests would be given to omegas under the guise of a federally funded clinical trial.

The only silver lining about the whole thing was that it would take months for Josh to synthesize a viable product. Eva hoped that Horacio would have his investigation wrapped up by that time.

There were no sounds, no footsteps, no voices. The house felt empty. Eva released a soft breath and she pulled off her shoes. The ache in her feet eased as she ascended the staircase. It was echoed by the bruising that was still healing along her side. Every day it got better, but Eva still made herself look at it in the mirror so that she didn’t forget why she was doing what she was doing.

As Eva cleared the landing she heard the drag of something heavy against carpet. She froze, listening intently. Another soft scrape—it was coming from Josh’s office. From this angle, Eva couldn’t see the if the door was open or closed.

Setting her purse and shoes aside, Eva tip toed along the well-mapped path towards Josh’s office. Each step was deliberate. Silent. She turned the corner into the upstairs hallways just in time to see the door open to Myra’s surprised face.

“Eva,” she yelped, “I thought you were at work.”

“I was,” Eva replied, “My last meeting ended early.” Then, “What are you doing in Josh’s office?”

She stumbled over her words before settling on, “I was looking for a print out of the raffle winners so that I could send them a thank you note.”

Eyes narrow, Eva felt her disbelief crawl over her expression, “Peggy has that information. You know that.”

“She said she gave it to Josh.”

“Why would she do that?” When Myra went to lie again, she cut her off, “Why are you really here?”

Myra’s mouth pursed in frustration, “Josh has been keeping secrets. Some new initiative that he won’t talk about.”

Eva shook her head, “He’s allowed to have his hobbies.”

“Not when it affects the company,” Myra bit out.

“He’s the CEO.”

“I’m the chair of the Board.”

“I don’t see how that matters.”

Myra huffed, “Because we are at risk for an audit—IRS, OIG, the whole alphabet soup of governmental agencies. They’re weeks away from a documents request.”

Eva stared at her, trying to discern if she was aware of the other investigation, “How do you know that?”

Tossing her head, Myra answered, “You think Josh is the only one with friends in high places?”

Fair enough.

“Those friends,” Eva hedged, “did they tell you why they were investigating?”

Myra crossed her arms and leaned against the door jamb, “Embezzlement, mostly.”

“Mostly?”

“Among some other minor issues.”

Eva took a calming breath, “And, you were in his office…?”

“To find your financial files.”

She didn’t know if Myra would be able to decipher the books well enough to spot where Eva moved their money, or how she protected it from being discovered. The IRS and OIG would have a significantly higher chance of figuring it out.

“What were you going to with them?”

Myra shrugged.

A little voice in Eva’s head whispered angrily. Out loud, she said, “You were going to destroy them.”

A shocked ‘no’ shot out from Myra’s lips, “I was hoping to head off the investigation. Give them something to chew on to that their superiors would back off.”

Eva almost believed her. Almost. It wouldn’t be the financial documents she filed every month that would tip off whichever agency took lead on the case. They were pristine—she’d seen to that. Which left a suspicion that Eva was not prepared to voice, nor make accusations about.

She stepped to the side, “You need to talk to Josh about this. I’ll give you a few days to sit down with him. After that, I’ll tell him, myself.”

“Eva,” Myra pleaded, “this is serious.”

“I know,” she replied easily, “That’s why Josh needs to be pulled in. He’ll never forgive you if he’s blindsided by this.”

Visibly swallowing, Myra nodded, “We’ll go out to dinner this week. I��ll tell him.”

“Good.”

Saying nothing, Eva went and got her purse and shoes from where she’d left them and trudged to her room. Only when she was safely behind the closed door did she let out a hiss of anger through her teeth. Throwing the bag on the bed and the shoes on the floor, Eva’s mind whirred with a thousand angry thoughts.

She stopped.

Standing in the middle of her room with her hands on her hips, Eva just...stopped. Whatever Myra might be planning was immaterial when it came to her plans. She had a goal to meet and had to keep her eyes on that goal until it was achieved. Myra was a distraction she didn’t have time to look into.

Intro to Spanish peeked out at her from the depths of her purse. Eva eyed it as she thought about the other distraction in her life. Really, she shouldn’t be entertaining Horacio, either. Meeting him was a massive risk that she shouldn’t undertake.

Eva was still going to meet him.

She tipped her head back and sighed towards the ceiling. Eva was such an idiot, but she was going to meet him. Not because she wanted his help with getting her out of her marriage—which she did. That wasn’t all of it.

Eva was going to meet him because of the way he looked at her. Her mind drifted back to his face cast in the glow of moonlight. Open and vulnerable, he lost all the sharp edges that kept others at bay. She recalled the reverence of his hands as he touched her side and the wide honesty in his eyes.

Horacio might be playing the part of Diego, but only when he had to. As soon as they were alone, the disguise fell away and Eva was left with a man who confounded everything she knew. An alpha who hadn’t once tried to assert himself as such. A law enforcement officer who was willing to let Eva, a criminal, slip away while he sought out a larger target. A person who had—not once—harmed her, threatened her, talked down to her.

She was going to see him because she needed to know that such a person existed outside of her little bubble of a life. Eva, for the first time in so long, had hope. This small, but growing, hope was more dangerous to Eva than her husband, than even Alexei.

Eva didn’t care.

She was going to meet him.

And, that’s what she did. On the assigned date, at the assigned time, Eva pulled into the small parking lot of a nearby wilderness reserve. She got out of the car and locked it, scanning the area for Horacio.

It was a lovely day. Fall hadn’t yet set in, but the heat of Summer was abating. A cool wind blew through trees whose leaves were just starting to turn. All around her, people were enjoying the weather. There were mothers playing with their children, dogs fetching toys from the grass. Eva smiled as she took it in.

Leaning against the side of her car, she crossed her arms and waited. Horacio would find her eventually. In the meantime, Eva could think about what she might tell him when he did.

Eva wasn’t surprised by the fact that there were concurrent investigations in to Ardent. She was being smart about moving their money around, but Josh’s insistence on this new project of his had forced her to make moves with the accounts that would definitely be noticed. The fact that Myra hadn’t yet told Josh made Eva think that the investigators were further along than Myra let on.

Despite the fact that Eva agreed not to make any moves without Horacio, she was already picking up the small caches of money stashed around the city. There were two or three left, one of which she would have to be extremely careful in retrieving. After that, she would get her passport from Josh’s safe and drive like hell to the airport. And that’s where her plan got a little fuzzy.

She didn’t know where she would go once she actually walked up to the desk to buy her ticket. Alexei had resources, would go just about anywhere to track someone down. Leaving the country wasn’t going to be enough to deter him. And, even if she flew to the ends of the earth, Eva’s passport could be tracked.

Having the cash would help. The bills stacked neatly in the duffle with the dress still carrying Horacio’s scent would be all she had. After it was gone, Eva would have to figure out how to keep herself alive with the skills she’d developed working for Josh.

It was doubtful that anyone would let her be an accountant, or work at the level she was accustomed. But, Eva would definitely excel at secretarial work. She could take the condescension of an incompetent boss if it meant she got to live with a small modicum of freedom.

Footsteps drew her attention. Horacio sauntered up with a fond smile, stopping just short of her. Eva dropped her arms and straightened as she looked him over. He was wearing a button up that was less Horacio and more Diego. The fabric shimmered lightly as it molded around his shoulders and chest. It was tucked into a pair of slacks that were tailored to his frame. The hem perfectly draped over a pair of blue leather shoes that had been on display at a high end department store a few weeks back.

“You’re not dressed for a hike,” Eva said.

Without missing a beat, Horacio replied, “Neither are you.”

She looked down at the sundress she was wearing. Eva debated putting on a pair of sweatpants and a t shirt that morning, but something about the delicately embroidered flowers called to her. And, of course, she had to wear the espadrilles to match.

“You have a point.”

Horacio held out his hand, “Take a walk with me.”

His palm was warm against hers. Eva followed behind him as he led her to a paved path into the trees. As she walked, his scent curled into her nose. Eva took deep breaths of it, enjoying the way her body responded.

The hair on her arms the back of her neck stood on end. Her heart palpitated in her chest, sending heated blood into every extremity. Instincts that Eva didn’t even believe she had not too long ago rose up and demanded that she slow him down so that she could pull him into her body—a body that was reminding her that she hadn’t been able to kiss him for almost a week.

Horacio slowed as they approached a bench and motioned for her to sit, “How are you?”

Eva blinked away the fantasy of scraping her teeth over the nape of his neck, “I’m fine.”

Easing down onto the bench, he fixed her with a disbelieving look.

“The injuries weren’t serious,” Eva explained, “I’m all healed up.”

He sighed as he rested his arm across the back of the bench, “I’m not talking about the bruises, although I am glad they’re healing.”

The way his fingers brushed against the bare skin of her back was distracting, “What are you talking about?”

“I asked you not to make any moves.”

“I haven’t.”

“That means you were supposed to act as normal.”

“I have.”

“You haven’t been shopping.”

“What does that mean?”

Horacio looked out towards the lake in front of them, “It means that you’re deviating from your routine. You need to go pick up some expensive pair of shoes or purse, do what you’ve done all along. Otherwise, your husband and his friends are going to get suspicious.”

Eva’s mouth curled as she bit back the venom that wanted to spill forth.

He glanced sideways at her, “Say it.”

“Say what?”

“The inside thought you’re holding back. Say it.”

Passing her hand over her brow, Eva did as he asked, “I’m balancing a lot of obligations right now—to my husband, to myself...to you. I am facing the possibility of jail, if Josh doesn’t kill me first. You’re going to have to forgive me if I’m not in the mood to shop.”

Horacio smiled, “Its good to see that there is still some fight left in you.”

“Fuck off,” she bit out.

He laughed and her stomach flipped in her belly. Eva was irritated with him, but the sound of his amusement went a long way to soothe that irritation. She fought to hold onto it and failed. And that made her irritated all over again.

“I’m doing the best I can.”

Horacio touched her shoulder, “I know.” Then, “Honestly, you’re handling this a lot better than I thought you would.”

“Gee, what a compliment.”

His touch lingered, “It was a compliment.”

Embarrassed by the sincerity in his eyes, Eva looked towards the lake. There were ducks swimming peacefully in a row—babies following their mother. A few fishermen were casting their lines on the opposite shore. People and animals, alike, unaware of the untenable situation she and Horacio were facing.

“Are you aware of the IRS and OIG investigations?”

He nodded.

“Then, you know they’re getting ready for a document review. Documents that I prepared.”

Another nod.

“Myra knows. She’s going to tell Josh in a few days.”

Horacio rolled a shoulder, “He won’t take that well.”

“No, he won’t. I have no idea what he will do with that information.”

“I do,” he replied.

Eva looked at him, “What?”

Horacio licked his lips and his hand flattened against her shoulder blade, “He’s going to try to pin it on you.”

Her mouth opened in shock. Eva had her suspicions, especially after talking to Myra, but to hear it said out loud set her back on her heels. Horacio hummed a soothing noise as his hand ran up her shoulder to the back of her neck where he squeezed gently. Eva leaned into the pressure as she accepted what he said as fact.

“So, I am going to jail.”

“No,” Horacio contradicted, “Not if I can help it.”

She rolled her eyes, “You won’t get a choice. Not if he’s done the job right. I handled all the books, bribed government officials.”

“And your husband,” he added, “used that money to fund illegal drug trials and run an opiate ring that will soon expand into a second state.”

Eva shook her head, “We’re both culpable.”

“No,” he said again as he slid closer to her, “I saw him hurting you on several occasions. I’m willing to testify that he used physical violence to coerce you.”

Her jaw set as she prepared to be fully honest with him, “That’s not truth. Not really. I’m good at it, Horacio. Very good. I liked the puzzle of moving the money, of hiding everything we were doing behind layers of protection and deals brokered behind closed doors. And, that’s the truth.” She paused to take a breath, “It was the thing that kept me going.”

Until I met you, she didn’t say. That would be too honest.

Horacio gave a very small smile, “I’ve learned a lot working with your people. Their policies and procedures. The way they think about criminals and the way they go about their business.” He leaned close, “I also learned that they don’t care about the truth. They care about finding someone to blame.”

He wasn’t wrong. But, there would be something he needed from her to make it happen.

“Only if I testify, right?”

The resignation in his expression told her all the answers she needed to know. Eva blew out a breath and stood from the bench. They had nothing to talk about and she needed to be getting home.

Horacio followed her onto the path that led to the parking lot, “Eva, wait.”

Over her shoulder, she said, “I’m not testifying.”

He caught up to her, stopped her with a hand on her elbow, “I’m not asking you to.”

Eva swung around to face him, “Then, what are you asking me to do?”

They stood there, heavy breaths between them. Impatient, Eva made a kind of ‘well?’ gesture with one hand. It was a dare for him to tell her the truth of what he wanted. To be as honest with her as she had been with him.

Horacio shifted on his feet, but said nothing.

Disappointed, Eva stepped away, “That’s what I thought.”

Chest aching with rejection, Eva strode away. She got into her car and started the engine. After pulling out of the parking lot, Eva drove the whole way back to the house in silence. Then, she walked inside and headed straight for her room.

In her closet, Eva reached to the very back and opened the duffle. Beneath the piles of money, she found her dress. Refusing to bring the fabric to her nose, Eva took it straight to the washing machine and threw it in. She added more soap than was strictly necessary and then shut the lid firmly.

Standing against the wall of the laundry room, Eva watched the machine move through its cycle. It was wrong to put so much hope into Horacio and it was wrong to expect him to bend to her will. He had rules to follow, laws that kept him walking the line. Laws that Eva had broken time and again.

If she was going to get out of this house, out of her marriage, Eva was going to have to rely on herself. That was all there was to it.

#Shadow and Veil #Narcos #Horacio Carrillo #carrillo #AU #A/B/O dynamics #maurice compte

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alidravana · 2 years ago

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Day 1. Housewarming

Planned to do some drabbles for @domaystic's prompts this month only for the first drabble to end up at over 700 words...oops?

Will plan to tidy this up and post to A03 eventually, but here's a scene from the 'Leave a Light On' canon divergence, where Kick reflects on his and Hesh's journey towards buying a house, for Day 1: housewarming.

Home. A four letter word that means so much more; a place to feel safe, to be warm, to be loved.

Kick never had one when he was growing up. His mother had taken off, his brother abused his trust, and he never felt safe around his father, not with all his side comments about people like him. As soon as he was old enough, he took off, south towards Mexico, intending to get lost in a sea of people and culture.

It worked for a while. He found a girl, thought he was in love, made some friends. He finally thought he was closer to making that home, only to find himself knocked off his feet, the rug pulled out from under him again.

After literally stumbling into the Ghosts, it took a long time for him to get comfortable with the team, to accept the brotherly bond that Ajax and Keegan were offering, and to accept the safety that the team so freely granted. Once he settled in, he was happy. He had found his home. Until Rorke came along and took his brothers away, one by one.

Kick never blamed Hesh for going after Rorke that day, only wishing that he had been by his side. He was by Hesh’s side the next time they tried, and that time, they were successful. But while dead bodies tell no lies, they don’t tell anything else either, and so the next few years, they searched, hunting down any clue, tracking down any trace of Logan but ended up with nothing.

Kick knew that to this day, that Hesh believed Logan was alive, and there were times that Kick wished he still believed that too. But Hesh had finally taken the steps towards healing too.

They both decided to retire from service. It had been a bit harder for Hesh, having planned on staying in the military longer term, just like his father. The only thing that had Kick staying around in the first place was the team itself, and the Ghosts were a shell of what had existed before; Merrick and Keegan retiring not long after they lost Logan. Neptune was now the last soldier standing.

It had taken them a while to find the right house; Hesh wanting some distance from town, Kick wanting a large enough garage for all his toys, and both of them wanting to have a handful of spare rooms to have the rest of the team over.

But here they were, standing at the foot of their sidewalk, two sets of keys securely in each of their hands, staring at each other almost in disbelief.

“Ready?” Kick asked Hesh, reaching out to grab his hand.

“I still can’t believe we have a house,” Hesh replied with a grin, leaning in to plant a kiss on Kick’s cheek.

Kick allowed Hesh to go first, falling in behind him as they headed towards the front door, only to find himself smacking against Hesh’s back as his partner stopped abruptly.

“Uhh...Hesh? Why’d you stop?” Kick asked, trying to peer around his partner’s broad shoulders.

“Did you buy those flowers?” Hesh asked, sounding alarmed as he pointed at the large pot of sunflowers that were sitting on the front step.

“N-no?” Kick replied, looking at his partner curiously, unsure why Hesh was seeming concerned.

“They were mom’s favourite flowers…” Hesh said softly, almost a whisper as he bent down by the pot, his fingers flickering through the leaves, as if he was looking for something. “Dad always made sure to get some for her birthday.”

Kick’s eyes flickered to the surrounding area, quickly scanning for signs that anyone was around, or that anyone had been around. His mind was telling him that they had to have been left by their agent, or the previous owners, but there was something about the whole set up that left him feeling unmoored.

“Sorry,” Hesh muttered, standing back up suddenly, sliding his arm around Kick’s waist. “Got a bit side tracked there. Ready to have sex in every room?” Hesh asked with a wink, his hand sliding lower to squeeze Kick’s butt.

Kick grinned in response, sliding out of Hesh’s grip to make a dash for the door.

“First one in tops!”

#call of duty #ghosts #domaystic #day 1 #housewarming #leave a light on canon divergence #hesh/kick #hesh walker

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for-thosewhocare · 1 year ago

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Elemental Review

OH. MY. GOD.

I have no clue why it took me so long to watch this movie. I VERY aware that I am so late to this movie and I’m kicking myself as to why.

I had THOUGHT I had grown out of Disney and traditional children movies but apparently they are not ready for me to do so because this movie was a banger. I cannot speak for the rest of the movies that Disney, Pixar, or any other children’s animation movie company has put out this year. I didn’t watch those; Especially the new “Wish” movie that everyone is cracking down so hard on.

However, I did watch elemental.

I don’t know what it is about the Disney movies recently, but Elemental, much like Encanto, was AMAZING. I even watched the movie twice in one day because I needed to share it with my girlfriend. (To which they hated it because it made them cry)

There is something about the plot and the messaging with in the movie meshing together so well that just had me in a chokehold. For those who haven’t had the pleasure of watching this movie, in simple terms, the movie is about the love story between a fire girl and a water boy. T That’s pretty basic Disney stuff. It’s just a love story. But where this movie really changes corse is under the surface of said love story. Elemental explores immigrant problems and racial discrimination in big cities, among other things. That alone is pretty astonishing, especially for a Disney film, which are traditionally just love stories. The movie also goes deeper into the interpersonal relationships in interracial relationships and how outside influences, such as societal differences and parental pressures can affect relationships. As someone who is in an interracial relationship myself, I absolutely gushed at this portrayal.

The movie starts off with Immigration story. I won’t go too far into it for those who haven’t seen it, but it was an amazing starting point of the movie. Even though the audience have no idea what’s going on because we don’t know the premise of this world and the rules of it yet, educated viewers, who are not the children that this is necessarily geared towards, will understand the hints that we are given. We further go onto the conflict of the story, which is centered around the main character, Ember, and her father’s shop. That’s where she meets city inspector, otherwise known as the Water-boy, Wade. From when they first met, you can see that Wade is definitely the one who fell first and oh my God, I love a good movie where the love interest falls in love first, no matter what gender.

The movie progresses and the movie it makes it clear that Ember’s parents do not like the idea of water people being around. Mostly Ember’s. In fact, Ember‘s father, Bernie, hates water people because of the racial discrimination that he has endured in the past due to water and fire not mixing. They quite literally combat each other. His main and most memorable quote is “They keep trying to water us down”. Also, Ember does make it clear that Element City is not made with fire people in mind. She says “There will have to be a miracle to get me over that bridge.” The movie even showing the trains that push water off the sides that is very harmful to fire people. In the scenes featuring the city, there is water everywhere and while every other element is able to thrive in a water filled environment, it is clearly not sustainable for fire. This is a continuous discrimination towards fire people. Some people would argue that it’s not necessarily discrimination rather negligence and lack of better ways to fully support fire peoples needs. However, I don’t think that is plausible being seen that there are racial slurs in this movie geared towards the fire people.

Let’s not forget the iconic dinner scene, in which Ember meets Wade‘s family. Which in the scene his family were overall very welcoming towards Ember. However, they ultimately did not know how to react to her. At one point, Wade’s nephew almost pushes her into a pool of water asking her if she would die if she fell in. I’m aware that he is a kid but I was dumbfounded. Not helping their case, Wade’s uncle had told her that she speaks English surprisingly clear to which she replied, “It’s amazing what speaking the same language your entire life does”.

The dinner scene is also the scene where Wade first hints that he is in love with Ember. This is where she realizes that because they could never touch she doesn’t see the relationship working and it causes such a great sadness in her heart that she cries for the first time. This scene simultaneously tugged on a heartstring of mine, while reminding me that this is in fact a love story and not a political exposé on how people treat immigrants in America.

Throughout the movie, Bernie was consistently corrected on his English also. This annoys me throughout the movie. The words everyone corrected him on were words that you could tell what he meant. There was just no need to correct him and they did so just because he was wrong. Bernie really messed up his words when he was frustrated or flustered or feeling a great amount of emotion so it was warranted that he would mess up up on a language he had to learn so late in life.

I felt such a strong connection with Ember and Bernie, having such a strong connect to my father. They had such a good relationship. Sure they had their stuff but who doesn’t but they worked through it. I loved the healthy relationships throughout the movie but Burnie and Ember are my favorite.

The end of the movie also resonated a little hard with me too. As a person who has been called sensitive my entire life, Wade being such an emotional person showed me two things. It tells me that Disney is showing people that it was OK to be a little emotional, no matter if that means you have an uncontrollable temper or that means that you sob at every little sadness in life. As a person who can’t seem to get their emotions in check, that was such a good message to hear at the point that I am in life. The second thing that it showed me was Disney is trying to combat the idea that they have been pushing for literally a century about toxic masculinity. Never in my 17 years of life I have seen a Disney character (that was a male) cry so much. And on top of his crying, his family also cries the same amount as him showing them that they are emotionally mature people who can understand that being sensitive and having a lot of emotions isn’t necessarily a bad thing, even though they are seen to be a little dense.

Honestly, if I could, I would go on a literal 30 page tangent about how much I love this movie, and how much I wish that Disney would continue these types of movies for the next century to come, but I’m gonna spare you.

I don’t know if you haven’t got the message from this entire opinion piece but in my opinion, I think you should go watch this movie. Watch it with a loved one (or loved ones) and really soak in the messaging of the movie. Maybe you’ll hate it. Maybe you’ll find that some things were missing but I do think that it’s a movie worth watching. No matter if you find it horrible and it didn’t fully live up to the Disney potential that it could have, was it not still a good laugh?

#elemental #disney #Disney reviews #inner child #childhood #children #disney movies #for those who care #for those who need it #teen mind #new york

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squishmallow36 · 1 year ago

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It's all I wish to hear tonight, and you're all I wish to be, and this is how we all fall - Chapter four

Summary: call me Shannon the way I'm being incredibly wordy and only revealing like. Three things. This scene wasn't supposed to be this long. Anyway Garvar bedtime story :) <- not a trustworthy smiley face btw

Word count: 2860

TW: swearing, violence mentions, sex references

Taglist (lmk if you want to be added/removed!): @stellar-lune @faggot-friday @kamikothe1and0lny @nyxpixels @florida-preposterously @poppinspop @uni-seahorse-572 @solreefs @remember-me-in-another-time @rusted-phone-calls @when-wax-wings-melt @good-old-fashioned-lover-boy7 @dexter-dizzknees @abubble125 @hi-imgrapes @callum-hunt-is-bisexual @xanadaus @callas-pancake-tree @hi-my-name-is-awesome @katniss-elizabeth-chase @arson-anarchy-death @dizzeners @thefoxysnake @olivedumdum

And bonus garvar people who haven't told me to stop yet: @tw-5 @camelspit

On Ao3 or below the cut!

Previous chapter in case you missed it

Garwin takes the evening shift to watch Alvar that night to let Ruy get himself a little rest. He’s been running around like a chicken with its head cut off for days between the things the Neverseen are demanding he do despite the fact they aren’t technically part of the order anymore and gathering food and worrying about Alvar into the late hours of the night.

And the search for something, anything, that might mitigate that last item. But no matter how many trollish--and elvin and ogreish and gnomish and goblin and dwarven--physicians he harasses, no one seems to have any clue as to how to fix Alvar’s body rotting out from under him.

The mostly case is that the Troll goop itself is doing something to fuck him up, but even Garwin, with his medical degree solely earned from watching copious amounts of House, could come to that conclusion.

Yes, ‘goop’ is the technical term.

No one has ever seen a case of an elf being exposed to troll hive goop, and even if they had, it was genetically modified goop, rendering science useless at best and infuriating at worst.

And science is already infuriating. AP Enviro Science’s exam, known for being a blowoff, did not go great. It doesn’t mean shit in elfland though.

Garwin’s job has mostly been relegated to spot-treating symptoms and keeping Alvar entertained and optimistic, a feat that is becoming exponentially more difficult with each passing hour.

Which means, once again, the dumb fucking human can't do shit.

Garwin could rant for hours about it, but now’s not the time for that. Now is the time for yawning. And reflecting on life choices because everything you regret is amplified a hundred times when it’s late. And gender crises. Those are always fun at night.

But the truth is, he wouldn’t trade Ruy and Alvar for the world. He’d trade the world for them in a fluttering heartbeat.

As Garwin begins to doze off, Alvar starts making little groaning noises, meaning either he’s dreaming or waking up. Whether that possible dream is of the good variety or a nightmare is up for debate. Even if that debate is never going to happen because Alvar’s very adept at pretending to forget his dreams.

Alvar shifts onto his side, huffing. That much movement means he’s most definitely awake and that level of attitude this quickly means he’s mad about something his brain has conjured up.

“Are you okay?” Garwin whispers, cringing because he knows the answer is obviously no. It’s been no for a long time. But, well, okayness is relative nowadays. And that’s the best that can be done.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Alvar dismisses him with a hand. “Go back to bed. Don’t worry about me.”

“Alvar, I can’t just turn off the worry machine. It’s literally my job to worry about you.”

“What about leeching off my registry fund?”

“That’s a side hustle. A hobby, if you will.”

Alvar sighs as Garwin climbs next to him in bed, burritoing him as much as possible. Between Ruy the blanket hog and Alvar laying on top of all of them and choosing to not be helpful, it doesn’t go very well.

Garwin wraps an arm around Alvar’s shoulders. “Do you want a bedtime story?”

“I don’t trust you. I’m going to be scared shitless for the rest of the night.”

“I promise to keep the gruesome details to a minimum. I won’t talk about severing an artery with a pen like last time.”

Alvar doesn’t argue even if he wants to, laying his head on Garwin’s collarbone, which Garwin takes as a win.

“Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, it was a dark and stormy night,” Garwin begins, already using incredibly overused clichés but to be fair, he’s pulling a story out of his ass because he can’t remember actual fairy tales in a coherent order to save his life. So bullshit is the next best option. At least when it inevitably goes off the rails, it’s funnier.

“This only happened once? Wow. Must have nice weather there.”

Garwin shakes his head. Stars, you’re such a loveable little ass. “Shut up. I also don’t know where we are right now, so that part’s iffy at best.”

“Honey, we’re at Candleshade. “

Once again with those elvin estate names that are pretentious nonsense. “Can you find it on Google Maps? I didn’t think so. Now where we? Ah, yes. Just to be even more predictable, there was a boy--a farm boy of an appropriate age for the setting but vaguely a young adult, conventionally attractive, or at least the type I want to step on me, no questions asked.”

Alvar coughs. “Isn’t that everyone?”

“Shut your face mouth. Imagine him as you please. He lived in a small agrarian village next to a big scary forest.”

“Haven’t you ever heard of ‘show, don’t tell?’”

“Bitch, I don’t have a feature length animated film to show you. What do you want from me? I’m doing the best I can here. There are tons of cryptids in the forest, copy pasted from other stories because I’m not creative enough to come up with anything better than Mothman.”

“You’d let Mothman rail you.”

“Of course I fucking would. Have you seen the ass on his statue? Fuck me please. Anyways you’ve also got some Bigfoots?--Bigfeet? Bigfeet.--in the forest. And, uh, what else? The vegetable lamb of Tartar, of course.”

“What?”

Garwin ignores his question, deciding it’s best left to a Wikipedia search in the morning so the blue light from the screen doesn’t completely fuck over any chance they have for sleep. “The chupacabra. Der Erlkönig. Death worms. The usual.”

Alvar laughs, a rattling sound that’s become so hollow over the past few days it’s almost painful. “You know half of those are real and half are horseshit, right?”

“Fuck you and you elves and all your fancy cryptids ruining the fun for everyone. I know the ones I’ve picked are geographically challenged but who cares? I didn’t have the chance to Google shit, okay? We accept that this falls under reasonable suspension of disbelief because I’m a shit storyteller and you get to deal with it. That being said, we return to our main character. He needs a name. He seems like a Timmy.”

“Timmy?”

“Yeah. Timothy. Tim. Timmy boy. Now, our boy Timmy boy has a death wish.”

“No Timmy, don’t,” Alvar purposely makes his voice crack on the last syllable. Or at least it was probably intentional. It would be even funnier if it wasn’t.

“Oh, yes he does. He has an immense desire to just fucking go into the woods and live there like Diogenes. He’s the Greek dude that got himself a plucked chicken and went ‘behold, a man’ to mock Plato’s definition of humans. Ah, taxonomy. A bitch then and a bitch now. Stars, I really hope Plato hasn’t lived that one down yet. Although, to be fair, Timmy boy is less interested in philosophy and more interested in getting high on mysterious mushrooms. Here’s hoping Death Cap mushrooms aren’t too plentiful there.”

Death cap mushrooms are, like the name suggests, just a little bit poisonous. It’d be badass if they were venomous, but, alas, not enough fungi have evolved to be carnivores, which is a damn fucking crime against nature.

“There’s no way that can end badly.” Alvar rolls his eyes.

“However, there is a legend or tradition or whatever in the village that isn’t simply a result of my poor planning: if one goes into the forest and manages to not die immediately, coming back might not be the best plan because you will get exorcised and if that doesn’t work--which it won’t because demons are one of the few things not in the forest--you get yourself hung.”

“But Timmy is already hung,” Alvar protests, and it’s canon now. Of course, his headcanon clearly followed logically from the previous source material, so everything is fine.

“I know,” Garwin replies even more quietly than the whisper he’s still forced to speak in. “But, unfortunately, Timmy is very bad at making life choices.”

“Is Timmy a self-insert?”

“Shut up. You’re supposed to be going to bed.”

Alvar widens his eyes like a cat with the internal monologue of a Victorian child. “But I’m worried for Timmy’s safety.”

“Well, Timmy isn’t worried about you. Timmy’s got his own gay little problems.”

Alvar mutters, “Rude.”

Garwin ignores him, continuing, “Timmy likes going into the forest because he’s both dumb and stupid. When asked, he always claims there’s something that draws him towards it for a reason he can’t describe. For you see, hidden deep in the forest is a place no mortal has ever found and radiates an energy that few can sense.”

“This is literally just Star Wars. Admit it.”

“No, it’s not. That wasn’t a place. It had something with midichlorians. I don’t know, I blocked most of the prequel trilogy. Also it’s scifi. This is in a fucking forest. Probably in central Europe because of the Brothers Grimm and we’re basic.”

Garwin glances at Alvar, who mouths, “It’s a Star Wars AU,” earning himself a glare.

“The more time one spends in the forest, the more likely they just decide to wander off one day never to be seen again. Or that they get poked in the eye with a branch and now we have a Phineas Gage situation on our hands. So, of course, the government has to ban anything even remotely related to existing within a hundred miles of the creepy forest. This does piss off the forest creatures because of the part of the food chain dependent on eating humans but nobody cares about my man Mothman.”

“I need some Timmy x Mothman fic now…mothtim? Timmoth?” Alvar’s eyes open wide with a realization, stage whispering, “Wait a fucking minute. Timothy is Mothman!”

…because they both have ‘moth’ in their name? Sure, why not? Garwin laughs apprehensively even if he does enjoy the idea. “Keep quiet. We don’t wanna wake Ruy up.”

“I beg to fucking differ.”

“I don’t want to have to put both of you two back to bed.”

Alvar raises a mischievous eyebrow. I want to slit your throat. But only a little. Goddammit, you’re too cute for murder. Why didn’t I think this through? By ‘this,’ he means their entire relationship all the way back to that first day in the museum.

“Because Timmy has a habit of being dumb and stupid, he wanders farther and farther into the forest with each passing trip because he has too much free time because we’re in a small village and apparently there aren’t any other cute guys willing to fuck him and he doesn’t have any hobbies. So, you know, a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do and if that’s Bigfoot, well, good for him.”

“Not my personal cup of tea, but have fun, Timmy.”

“One day, as you might expect, Timmy wandered off into the forest, never to be seen again. It took like a week and a half for anyone in the village to actually realize he was gone. He could’ve died out there for various reasons, from natural causes to being ripped to shreds by a death worm or bled dry by a chupacabra.”

“There’s so many fun ways to die out in the middle of nowhere.”

“And, of course, the villagers didn’t even bother to go look for his body because he couldn’t have ever gone into the creepy forest. Even if he had, it’s not like they can venture in there, and besides, he was working on turning all their sons gay so this is all for the best. He’s probably living out there with his husband Bigfoot or Der Erlkönig--.”

“Or both. Polyam Timmy could be canon--nay, it should be canon. Make it canon.”

“This is my story, fuck yeah it’s canon. Der Erlkönig’s castle--he has a castle because he’s a king and kings have castles--anyway, it burned down with its previous inhabitants still inside, so it’s most definitely haunted. Castles are surprisingly very flammable creatures. It also has a really nice moat of five rivers naturally making a roundabout around it because it’s extra like that. Why is that important? I don’t know. Setting the scene. Der Erlkönig’s castle’s creepy factor is the correct level of crumbling, mossy staircases and spider webbing in every fucking corner.”

“Sounds like a recipe for a spider-man.”

“No radioactivity. Only--wait. The castle is centered on the power source you accused me of borrowing from Star Wars. Maybe that could work. I’m not a biologist.”

“Yeah, you couldn’t even get into Yale.”

“Will you please stop with that already? I get it, I’m a dumbass. You’re more of a dumbass for dating me. Go find something else stupid I’ve done and hyperfixate on that for a while. The power source also occasionally attracts people of mostly humanoid shapes when Der Erlkönig gets a little…let’s say bored. So yeah, it’s definitely just a fucking orgy in there at all times.”

Alvar laughs.

“And Timmy, with his army of boyfriends that definitely went and arsoned his home village at some point, lived happily ever after.”

After a small round of applause, Alvar turns to bury himself even more into the crook of Garwin’s neck, and he prepares to get drooled on when a realization snaps Alvar’s flickering eyelids open.

“Wait--I know why that sounds familiar! My dad had some shit about some fucked up place that eminated weird power at a conjunction of rivers. Bitch, have you been binge reading the Alden shit again? I thought we agreed that made you crabby.”

The ‘Alden shit,’ as it is aptly named being that it belonged to Alden and has the same cultural value as the blue Avatar, is just a collection of scrolls and other documents that live at Candleshade for reasons.

Most of it is just leftover from when Alden and Assius were fucking, although why they had work-related things laying around at the same time is not a thought he particularly enjoys having.

Also the clearance levels required to view literally anything is way above Garwin’s pay grade, a contributing factor to how addicting they are. And the added challenge of translating from the Enlightened language to brain-English is fun. Sometimes, he’s even almost competent.

“I have not, but now I will because you called me crabby.”

“Fuck.” Alvar sighs, fully aware there’s no stopping Garwin now that he’s been given the slightest reason to relapse. “I’m going to bed now. Have a nice time spiraling this fine evening.”

Garwin gently extricates himself from being Alvar’s pillow, leaving him to drool on a bigfoot stuffed animal of unknown origin that most certainly wasn’t already in the house when they took over. Definitely.

So, the only logical thing to do for the rest of the evening is be a little chaos gremlin and search through Alden’s old shit for any references to weird power and multiple rivers. Without keyboard shortcuts. This is going to be a fun time.

Sure enough, come sunrise a many hours later, he’s deeply distracted in absolutely useless but nevertheless entertaining garbage. Half of these scrolls read like a Wattpad eleven year old bitching about the council and that eleven year old needs to be sold to One Direction for their own safety. Or whatever the elvin equivalent of that is.

The council has committed some fun little atrocities. After the dwarven plague coverup, one might assume that’s an outlier, but no. That’s just how they do business. For thousands of years. And it’s all mind wiped from their brains like the pussies they are, so no one is capable of making informed decisions.

After a few more years of searching, during which Ruy comes over and kicks him a few times to make sure he hasn’t perished on the floor, accidentally waking up his very-asleep legs, he finally finds what Alvar was alluding to.

There aren’t many details, but there are certainly lots of scribbles in pink glitter gel pen meaning one thing--Oralie was involved. Or Alden was feeling extremely gay that day. It doesn’t really matter either way, it’s just funny.

Turns out, Garwin’s story was strangely accurate, at least as far as this little magic piece of paper knows, even down to the intersection of five rivers. It’s also probable that it’s outdated, given that the paper is crunchy as all hell, but that could just be coffee staining or the fact that elves are notoriously bad at making timely decisions, instead letting them fester for a good millenia.

Gotta make sure it’s really a problem before thinking about alleviating it.

And this may very well be the sleep deprivation talking, but the kind of power that the magic scroll is describing could be able to be harnessed in a thousand different ways, ways that no intelligent species has been able to dream of until now.

And maybe--just maybe, when he finds it, it’ll be enough to fix whatever is destroying Alvar from the inside out.

#kotlc #kotlc fanfic #kotlc alvar #alvar vacker #kotlc garwin #garwin chang #garvar #kotlc garvar #garvarioli #(no ruy content tho sorry)#(i'm in the middle of a buzzfeed unsolved binge don't judge me)

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stealingyourspins · 7 months ago

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I was just going to do the realm that has the best but this thought has grabbed me by the throat so here's my rankings of every Realms weed strains: Ninjago: Like Earths. It can get you blazed out of your freakin mind. you can experience bad trips for sure but that's just how weed works. some folks don't enjoy the experience, it could increase their anxiety, or it could be a nice downtime activity. Underworld: Middle of the road. Main issue is that you shouldn't fall asleep while under the influence of Underworld weed. You're going to experience crazy hyperrealistic nightmares and it is NOT going to be fun. Could Kingdom: THE best weed. I fully doubt those monks are writing every day without being on something or they’d lose their mind with boredom. They have a sacred cannabis garden that they harvest from. Smoking or ingesting it is used to help loosen your mind and show you the things to come. They've created a strain that somehow doesn't cause short term memory loss as a side effect so the monks can write down their thoughts without any fear of forgetting. Dijnjago: The weed equivalent to Asgardian mead. Would put even a normal Ninjago weed user in a comatose state for a solid week. Dijnn's live incredibly long lives and their tolerance to THC would become ungodly high after a few hundred years. If a Djinn offers you a bowl, either politely decline their invitation or be prepared to be unable to do literally anything for the next few days. Wyldness: incredibly weak. It's inhabited by dragons and general wildlife. There is no civilization to cultivate and selectively breed it. During high school we had to interview Vietnam War veterans and no matter what on earth we did they wouldn't stop talking about how the weed in Vietnam was incredibly weak compared to today's strains as it was just natural plant life that grew in the jungles. Wyldness weed is like that. Uncultivated and weak but can be found in nature if you look around. Realm of Oni and Dragons: Magical as hell weed. This shit is more magical than Mystake's entire tea collection and where the Oni's cultivation of magically imbued plants began. A vast majority of strains have ceased to be with the death of the Oni but Mystake still has a small garden and carefully cultivates the long lived magical strains for both recreational use, heritage, and to sell in her shop. They both can give you a nice high and show you your most likely future, give you visions of every item you've ever lost and their current location, to even stopping time for a few moments.

Cursed Realm, Mysterium, Realm of Madness: feel like they’d all have strains of the “you’ll see spiders you’ll see spiders you’ll see spiders” variety. - Realm of Madness: would always be a bad high. would have similar effects to Ether, the pinnacle of "you'll see spiders" psychedelics. - Mysterium: Smoking any of that premium dragon blood dark mutant evil pack kush from Mysterium is like rolling a D&D wild magic sorcerer effect table. Will you experience psychadelic wonders? will you turn into a plant? will you look into every future of everyone who's ever lived but your own? You'll never know until you take a hit. - Cursed Realm: It's cursed, there is no weed. The greatest curse of all.

Imperium: would have weed genetically modified to the point of max THC extraction but I feel like they’re against any possible form of substance consumption. Never Realm: Akin to Ninjago weed but is more likely to give you a mild psychedelic trip. It was cultivated and used in ceremonies of the Formlings up until the genocide and mass freeze of the Ice Emperor. Marijuana is now extinct in the Never Realm.

Realm of Lee: Absolutely no clue what goes on there. Only info we have about it is that there's mushrooms and candy there. Weed Status: Unknown.

Ok guys real talk. Which realm had the best weed?

#spins writes #ninjago #ninjago dragons rising

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tarysande · 3 years ago

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Oh no, I've been thinking.

Okay, I can't stop thinking about something ending-related. I don't know this for certain, but based on previous statements and such, it feels like the writers were always aiming for a bittersweet ending. Like, no matter what else happened or how the story evolved, come hell (lol) or high water, that ending couldn't just be happy. For reasons. I guess.

Now, I don't mind a bittersweet ending ... if it makes sense for the ending to be bittersweet.

I critique stories for a living. I'm literally taking a break from the developmental edit of someone's novel to write this post. And the persistent thought that bugs me about the Rory setup is that it is so artificial. Time travel is a pain in the narrative ass. Time travel suddenly introduced in the sixth season of a show that has never touched on time travel? As an editor, I probably would've pointed out that time travel for the purpose of angst, especially time travel without rules that make sense ("I don't know anything about time travel! Except I do know you have to take the most painful path!"), seemingly introduced as a final ploy to make that bittersweet ending work ... well, to me, it breaks the narrative contract they established with the audience. Your audience is going to be confused. An editor's job is to alert the writer to any potential confusion so it can be fixed before the story goes to print, etc. Confused audiences get mad, annoyed, frustrated. They feel hurt. They put down the book and don't pick it up again. Usually, writers don't want that. But they're so close to their work that they need a completely outside perspective to say, "Hey, I'm not sure you realize this, but..."

I mean, I keep referring to Rory as "deus ex daughter" because in literary terms, she is a blatant deus ex machina. Rory is the god in the machine of the Bittersweet Ending.

Now, I loved a lot of S6. I did. My overall feeling about the season is not negative. But ... I can't stop thinking about why the things I didn't like REALLY didn't work for me.

I loved the emotional growth we saw in Lucifer and Chloe facilitated by the question of parenting and parental love. I did. And I would have loved to see a lot of those notes hit not with an angel kid out of nowhere ... but with the daughter already in the picture. Especially because it would have circumvented the icky idea that a child has to be one's flesh and blood to induce such feelings. I also understand that coronavirus and Scarlett's age and schedule made this difficult. But I just can't swallow that the only way to wrap up the story of this show--a show about found family, non-traditional family, friendship, connection, FREE WILL, love in all its many shapes and forms and colors ... was to introduce a brand new character via a device (time travel) that fails to make sense almost every time it's used, no matter the medium. (And then had only that brand new character be there when her mother died. Don't even get me started. Ugh.)

If time travel was always going to be on the table, couldn't we have found a more plausible way to use it with the characters we already knew, loved, and had spent four or five seasons with? A time-travelling older Trixie, say? If you're going to use the impossible device, just ... twist it another way to make it work.

Okay. Okay. So, leaving Trixie aside for now just like the show did, let's say we leave everything about the season the same, even Rory. Do you know what ending makes more narrative sense?

Future Rory sacrificing herself by NOT forcing Lucifer to make a cruel and impossible "choice" so the baby that might have been her grows up with a family that loves her. Chloe's already pregnant. That's not going to be undone. And this nonsense of a "closed time loop" falls apart if you side-eye it for even a few seconds. The Rory who came from the future never exists except in the memories of those she met when she came back from that future. Chloe and Lucifer lose that daughter even as they gain the new one whose existence is not a tool of unrelenting fate because wow this show has always been about free will what the heck happened there yikes. And a choice made under the duress Chloe and Lucifer were under, forced out of them, and forcing them to "choose" a life apart for *handwave* Reasons has nothing to do with free will. A "choice" made at gunpoint is not a real choice. Future Rory basically bullied them into ensuring she got to exist--something, quite frankly, neither her parents would have done.

Instead, how much more appropriately bittersweet is it if Chloe and Lucifer lose that child while gaining one who, because of that angry time-travelling version, will never suffer as she did.

Also as an editor: the groundwork for my version is already laid, by the way. It should have been Rory learning about the importance of free will over fate. The importance of personal sacrifice. The importance of not thinking your young self knows best ... because experience and therapy will help rid you of that self-centered world view. That's the contract the writers made with us with this show. And Chloe and Lucifer have already BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT. (See: the end of S4.)

Furthermore, this season finally HAD Chloe and Lucifer DEAL WITH the only thing that actually would have contributed to a narrative, characterization-based reason for Lucifer to disappear: His history of running and his putting Chloe on a pedestal. Once they really talked that out, his "disappearance" became a Rory-induced trauma of inexplicable fate that flies in the face of all the progress Lucifer made over six seasons. (I would rather have had more of that and less of mysterious disappearing oh no plot.)

And I'm sorry, the "Once you get to Hell you're going to work 24/7" excuse given for why Lucifer won't be around and why he can't make time for Chloe until she's DEAD(????!???) is ... it's lame. If AMENADIEL AS GOD can make time for his kid's birthday party, I refuse to believe Lucifer can't work out some Hell/Earth-work/life balance. Never mind that in the show about partnerships, the Bittersweet Ending just ... destroyed it. Chloe was planning on being God's consultant; she could have helped Lucifer solve Hell's Trauma Mysteries (it's what she did with Jimmy, setting up that yeah, Lucifer could do it alone like he accidentally did with Lee, but doing it with HIS TRUTHSEEKING PARTNER would be more effective). Just as Lucifer could have continued helping HER solve some of the problems within "that corrupt little organization" of hers.

tl;dr: I think the writers fixated so completely on their version of Bittersweet that they missed all the foreshadowing, groundwork, and clues that were right there, already built into the story, poised for a different kind of ending than the one they once imagined. That's why so many parts of it feel almost-but-not-quite right and why these aspects are so off-putting. That's why it's just not ... organic. It's something squeezed into a box it grew out of ages ago.

Ironically, certain elements of this season involved the writers insisting on the FATE they decided long ago instead of letting the story and the characters have the FREE WILL to choose a different, more fitting, more organic ending--one that had long-since evolved past that original flavor of Bittersweet.

#lucifer on netflix #lucifer morningstar #chloe decker #trixie espinoza #aurora morningstar #deckerstar #lucifer meta #lucifer thoughts #lucifer spoilers #lucifer s6 #lucifer s6 spoilers #lucifer critical #i criticize from a place of love #i really do

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cinnamonest · 3 years ago

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Kaeya is really touchy with his darling, right? So then,, what are the other Yan’s love languages?

NICE I love the love languages stuff! Sorry this was from April but I'm finally getting to it! Usually the two are similar, but sometimes people have different ways of expressing love versus how they want to receive it, so I'll elaborate on that as well. Enjoy my rareish semi-fluffy stuff, boys and which of the 5 love languages they are :3 Kazuha - quality time

Honestly, he's a simple boy. All he really needs to be happy and feel mutual love is sit with you close to him, arms wrapped around you, preferably with you returning the gesture. He has a lot of feelings and fears for the future, lots of emotions all bottled up, so someone to listen to him means a lot. Taking the time to listen to all he has to say makes him sheepish and embarrassed even, but as long as you assure him it's ok, he'll keep coming back for more of your listening ears.

Also, he likes to go on walks. These can be talking or not, sometimes he just likes walking in silence. Either way, accompanying him on said walks is a way to endear yourself to him and show him you love him. Sometimes it's just silently walking down beaches or pathways or in circles around the ship deck, sometimes it's him venting, sometimes it's him gushing about this or that... either way, basically providing him with an outlet for his emotions and spending time with him is what matters.

Zhongli - gifts, quality time

Sugar daddy

But in all seriousness he's big on spoiling a darling. I mean let's be real it's probably someone else's money OR this is in an era where he could just make some, so he will literally get you anything you could ask for, hell, anything he sees you looking at, tons of things you have no use for but he just likes the way your eyes light up all the same. It makes you happy, and that's what love is about, right? Wanting to make people you love happy.

However, for himself, it's a quality time thing, similar to Kazuha's where it's a lot of listening. He has a lot to say sometimes and can get to rambling about details of this or that thing he somehow manages to be an expert on, and while he usually catches himself early on, sometimes he can REALLY go on a while. He knows you don't have any clue what he's talking about, and probably don't really care, but if you sudden bring up a detail that shows you were listening -- it makes him feel oddly warm inside, like you actually think what he talks about is important and care about it. It makes him chuckle a bit, pat your head. He tells you if you're bored you don't have to listen.... so if you insist on doing so anyway, well, that just makes him feel even better inside, oddly validated in a way.

Kaeya - words of affirmation, touch

Is sex a love language?

But in all seriousness, yes as per the opening of the ask, he's very touchy. By 'touch' in this case, that... does translate to sex about 90% of the time. Can you blame him?? It's because he loves you! If he didn't love you he wouldn't wanna get his dick in you so bad! It's love that makes him so handsy and touchy, always rubbing you and running the edges of his fingers under your shirts and skirts and shorts even in public, hands wrapping around your waist and hips, sneaking fondles here and there... and it's out of love that you get railed all the time. His peak happiness is just being balls deep inside you, bodies pressed up against each other, moving slow and gentle and gradually building up... and he wants you to feel like that's love, too. To be honest he gets genuinely sad if you don't see it that way, or if you don't understand it as an expression of love. It seems so natural and innate that being pressed up close together should invoke feelings of love, right?

As for how he understands love as a recipient, well, pretty much the same thing, any sign of eagerness or willingness or especially initiative to fuck sets his brain off. But also, he's weak to any attempts to boost his ego. Say anything positive about him and he'll get excited and let it go to his head, particularly if your words of choice make him feel strong or powerful or capable.

Also speaking of touch, surprisingly big on handholding, especially in public. Sure part of it is a "signaling to others to back off" sort of thing, but he just likes the warmth of your hand as well.

Diluc - touch

It might be a bit surprising, given the stoic nature but... just give this man a hug. Please.

Being inside you is very very nice of course, but he's also notably a cuddly person when you get past the rough exterior. He likes to just sit you in his lap and hold you, spoon you in bed at night, etc.

And as for giving, he doesn't really have knowledge of how to go about other things. He's not good with words at all, he doesn't really know what gifts to get, and despite his affection he's not really submissive enough of a person to go about acts of service, and he's very busy, so while he might get quality time, it's not too often. In the end he doesn't really know how to do anything else, so if he really wants to express affection, the only way he can really think of is just wrapping his arms around you and squeezing. Sometimes a little too hard, like sir I'm asphyxiating please

Also it takes him a while to work up to it. At first he's just too nervous and can barely touch you without retracting his hand back out of nervousness, but he gets used to it.

Razor - quality time, touch

The others are kind of foreign concepts, really. But touch and time is how his kind bond! It's what he's used to. Nuzzling his face into your shoulders and neck and wrapping arms around you and holding you tight. He will often just cling to you physically in some way, holding your wrist in his hand or reaching out to embrace you at random. Of course, sex is a part of it, gotta have that too, it means love to him because he gets the urge whenever he thinks about loving you! And not gonna lie, he tries to remember you don't really like it but, he'll lick you every now and then too. It just comes naturally because he gets excited 'cause he loves you so much!! Lick lick.

Quality time comes in many forms. Every second is quality time in its own way, but especially naps in the sun and walks through the woods. Fun fact: wolf mates go on little "walks" together occasionally, breaking off from the rest of the pack to get alone time. It's fun! You can run through the woods with him! The naps combine the two expressions of touch and time, getting to spend lots of quiet, valuable time, all while snuggled up close. It's nice.

He doesn't really understand if you try to communicate love otherwise, but he'll kind of grasp that it's nice. But really, in the end he wants touch and time too. It's the only form he really understands. The rest just leave him a bit "??" But a nuzzle and a nap in the sun are things he understands perfectly.

Xingqiu - gifts, words of affirmation

The first is more how he shows, the second how he receives. It's a rather selfish form of love, really, because it benefits him as well and it's not exactly difficult. He doesn't have to put a lot of work into gifting, since he can pretty much get anything he asks for out of his father, and even if he says no to something, well, father won't notice a few hundred thousand mora gone from the stash of money kept in his bedroom, right? And he loves giving you gifts because of your reaction! You smile and say thank you and it makes him feel all warm and fuzzy inside... and he likes to think that maybe you feel indebted to him, maybe you're awed and impressed by how he manages to find you such expensive and rare things, maybe it makes you look up to him and see him as superior a bit. Hopefully.

However, because he's got so much wealth already, so gifts don't really do much for him. He responds well to praise, though, especially if you compliment him on the things he cares about, like his sword skills, his writing, his vigilantism. Make him feel like the protagonist he is inside his head, and he'll be beaming with pride and happiness, it makes him feel important, which translates to feeling loved.

Chongyun - quality time, acts of service

In particular, he likes to have you around when he's training. You don't have to train yourself, just be by his side. It makes him more motivated, so he's noticed. Not to mention, he likes showing off if possible to impress you.

Also, he likes having someone to vent to. He's a sweet boy, but he has his stressors and frustrations. He's used to strict self-discipline and normally refrains from talking about his feelings too much, but if you make him feel like your presence is a safe place for him to come to, he will end up almost becoming dependent on getting to emotionally unload on you every day, recalling all the details of every bad thing that happened and waiting for your soft comfort.

Here, "acts of service" is more like... consideration. Little moments where he's reminded you remember his needs and care about them. You make food and note that you made it especially free of anything hot, just for him! Or you make his little popsicles when he forgets, you help him deal with the damage and destruction of his most recent episode. Little acts like that make him feel appreciated, loved and cared for.

Childe - acts of service

Similar to Kaeya and touch, acts of service is... yeah it's basically sex. It falls more into the category of acts of service because it's a little different in nature from Kaeya's -- he loves normal sex of course, and cuddles are nice too, but in his mind really loving him is about taking initiative and doing things to him... in other words, to translate that in simple terms... blow him. Please. It would make him the happiest man in the world. Or ride him. Just anything that feels like you taking some initiative and making him feel wanted. ...And making him feel worshipped is nice too, getting you down on your knees in front of him or any act of service and submission gives him a sort of high from the ego boost and masculine validation.

And he's similar with how he expresses it himself. Most likely candidate to eat you out against your will. One infuriating and potentially humiliating thing about him is he's one of the most insistent to ensure you cum every single time, if you don't cum from him fucking you he'll just force your legs open and eat you out or shove his fingers into you until you do. Because he loves you and orgasms equate to love in his mind.

Venti - acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts

It's more on the giving end for him -- specifically, he can be a very sappy individual when he's in love, to a point it's nauseating to the people around you, really. But he spends a lot of time writing you poems and songs. To him, song is one of the utmost powerful expressions of love. It sort of combines the service and words -- the writing itself is a labor of love, but the words are filled with praises. He genuinely spends a lot of time on it, though, and it's really important to him that you like the things he makes and plays for you, and will continuously modify his next pieces to what he perceives as your taste. He's a bit of a perfectionist on stuff like that.

Venti is actually rather shy when it comes to receiving love. He tends to be very no, you don't have to do that for me! And things like gifts can make him feel a bit guilty, so... you just have to give him stuff he likes so much he's too busy indulging to feel guilt. Namely alcohol. He gets a bit red in the face, but, deep down he likes words of affirmation and compliments too, even the lightest of sweet words he'll replay in his head over and over for days after you say them.

Bennett - acts of service

One of the quickest ways to endear yourself to him is the simple act of helping him. This can manifest in several ways, such as healing his wounds when he's all scraped up or just come back from an adventure, helping him patch up his clothes that get ripped so much, helping him find some thing he lost in the woods yet again, or following him on one of said adventures. People don't really have him in mind too often, he tends to get forgotten a lot and left to handle things all on his own, and as a result, someone who reaches out to help him has a significant impact on him, he finds himself unable to stop thinking about it and the warm feeling it gives him to know that someone cares.

As a result, he starts basically mimicking the same behaviors because it's all he really knows how to do. He wants to give you the same warm happiness that you give him, so he tries to help you out with the things you need, complete tasks he knows would be helpful to you. Unfortunately for him, this tends to backfire as something usually goes wrong and it turns into a mess that he fears will just make you hate him. Poor baby.

Albedo - quality time

He's one of those people that really loves to just spend time in the presence of the people he loves -- you don't have to be doing something together, or the same thing. Even if you're just reading a book or drawing or something on your own, he likes you to be nearby him. It's kinda cute how if you go wandering off or go into another room, he'll wait a minute, then silently kinda come peeking around the corner to check on you because?? Why did you leave? Did he do something to upset you? He's too proud to explicitly ask you to come back, but he might blatantly follow you to the room you're in, claiming it's just better lighting in here, or the other room was too cold, or some other excuse.

He still likes doing things with you, though, too. Another favorite is late night conversations, the kind you get into once you're already laying in bed in the dark, pressed against each other and mumbling little thoughts that occur to you before you drift off to sleep, questions about tomorrow, or a hey remind me to do this or that, that sort of thing. Little conversations you never really finish, your voices get softer and sleepier with each moment, you eventually close your eyes as you talk back and forth, until one of you eventually doesn't get a response, and then drifts off themselves.... and in the morning neither of you remember who was the last person to speak or what the conversation was even about in the end.

Xiao - touch

He just doesn't... get much else. Words are hard. He doesn't know whether this or that gift or gesture is considered appropriate to present to a human as sign of love, and those kinds of things, words and gifts and stuff, embarrass him too much... and he doesn't every really know whether or not he's correct when interpreting your actions and words either. How does he know the gift isn't just because you wanted to be nice, or that the nice things you said were just meant mildly, and he's just indulging in wishful thinking when he thinks it means more? Ugh. It's too troublesome to have to deal with.

But touch... it's straightforward and easy and impossible to misunderstand. And it's also objectively the best, he thinks, even without the issues in understanding it's just what he feels the most natural urge towards. Why would anyone do any differently? Why do humans waste their time giving each other gifts and compliments and stuff when they could just do the thing that feels so much better than that other stuff? It confuses him. He doesn't want material goods, he just wants to cuddle you and put his dick in you. Yeah it... also translates to sex here, similar to Kaeya. Like, he likes it when you kiss his forehead and snuggle up close, but those things will inevitably result in wanting more. And he loves the rests you two take, half-asleep soundly wrapped up and bodies pressed close, spooning with his arms latched onto you. It's just that said rests/naps are almost always very much naked due to being after cumming in you a few times.

Scaramouche - acts of service, words of affirmation, touch

I mean, you're kinda forced into the acts of service thing, but the idea is that you start to perform said acts willingly, or without needing to be commanded. Eventually you get to where you do things on your own initiative, and he likes to think maybe you just want to (and not because you've been beaten into doing it so many times it's become instinctive, definitely not that). A lot of it is just tasks, but similar to Childe's acts of service, it's definitely a sex thing too, wants you to show initiative and do things on your own -- not that you won't likely get told not to do shit like that without permission, but he still does like it, internally.

Words of praise are similar. Say anything nice about him and he'll probably accuse you of lying or trying to manipulate him/get something, but deep down he kinda thrives on anything positive you have to say or think about him. Not that you'd ever know.

As for how he actually shows love, well... does... he...? Yes actually, primarily it's a touch thing. Not always pleasant touches, but touches. It's similar to how other yans equate different things with love, like Childe sees orgasms as a form of love, to him possession is the utmost expression of "love" in the sense that he perceives it. Possession, to own a thing completely and entirely, to have full power over something... that sort of connection is incredibly intimate, when you think about it. It's a connection on a deep level, it's loving. So anything that expresses possession -- pleasant or unpleasant for you -- is thus an expression of love.

#lena's asks #atml #scheduled post

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caliburn-the-sword · 2 years ago

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Spoiler warning: Ruin and Rising, Encanto, The Blood Traitor (Lynette Noni)

Controversial opinion of the day: I actually like the *protagonist loses magic at the end of the story* trope. I don't think I have to specify that this is only the case when it's done well lmao because that literally applies to anything and everything.

First I’m going to start with Shadow and Bone. I haven't read the series in years and have not been up to date beyond Six of Crows (the rest of the books are buried under my tbr lol) so like forgive me if I'm misremembering or if new information has been revealed, but to me, Alina no longer being the Sun Summoner was the right thing to do. She was never this saviour, this messiah, she was an ordinary girl who loved a boy. Losing her magic meant she lost that status, letting her return to being an ordinary girl who loved the boy. And isn't part of the hero's journey to return home?? Losing her magic doesn't make her lose her memories or experiences, what makes Alina Alina. It was just one part of her though that said book Alina didn’t have that many other parts to her so I’m glad that netflix Alina has a lot more personality lmao

ANYWAY moving onto the Prison Healer. Now idk just how popular this is as a book from Australia so you might not have a clue what I’m talking about lmao but anyway, Kiva losing her magic was ALSO necessary. Ngl I was pissed with her refusing to apologise to so many people for such a large portion of the book, but her losing her magic at her sister’s hands was ALSO necessary. This one is a lot more obvious than Shadow and Bone, thankfully, it’s quite literally stated in the book. It’s the ultimate act she had to make in order to redeem herself for Jaren, even when he’s already forgiven her. There is also her making sure she doesn’t ever become like her sister or mother, but more importantly than that, I think, is that she is correcting a wrong her ancestor Torvin made centuries ago. I’m not entirely sure about the concept of afterlife in Wenderall, but Sarana can now be at rest because (for now) Torvin’s power has been laid to rest, which was what set this entire thing in motion to begin with. And I feel like Kiva is so like and unlike Alina, in that she supressed her powers for so long like Alina until it surfaced because they saved someone they loved, but unlike Alina, Kiva also spent a lot of time in fear of her own power. The way I saw it, she didn’t necessarily have a love for her power. It’s literally stated that unlike the Vallentis’ elemental power, Kiva’s comes from her love of people. The way she often described her power, it’s a practical thing, it’s a tool that she can use to heal, but not her only tool, which is why it’s an especially amazing thing she goes to the Wenderall equivalent of med school.

And this is where Encanto unfortunately falls short. I cannot describe how happy I was watching the Madrigal family losing their power. This wasn’t in a vindictive, yes, now they all know how Mirabel felt, because that would be drawing the completely wrong conclusion. This has definitely be said a 100 times before by many other people, but Mirabel’s family needed to lose their powers in order to properly heal, for the abuela to finally learn her lesson. And so it felt like it was cheapening that when the Madrigals got their magic back. There has been no permanent consequences (and I very hesitantly use that term, because no family should suffer just for one to learn, but I can’t think of any better term) that the abuela has to accept and adapt to. Don’t get me wrong I loved the movie, this is really the only bone I had to pick with it.

You don’t have to agree with me, of course. But I do hope that if you have previously hated this trope, you have some food for thought.

#booktok #shadow and bone #siege and storm #ruin and rising #ruin and rising spoilers #leigh bardugo #the prison healer #the gilded cage #the blood traitor #the blood traitor spoilers #lynette noni #discourse #writing tropes #unpopular take

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makeste · 3 years ago

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I saw this take on twitter about Hana & Kacchan having “reverse parallels” and since they both have apologised to Tenko/Deku (but one was more or less sincere and the other was absolutely sincere) and they said that, while Hana moved away from Tenko, Kacchan ran to catch Deku. There was also more to the thread abt Kacchan & Hana’s differences. They were sorta trying to argue that this is a clue that Hori intends for Bkdk to be sibling-like/brotherly. As a bkdk shipped, I’ve accepted that it makes sense.. cause it’s an established fact that Tenko & Deku parallel each other. Tenko having his own “Kacchan” makes sense. Tho yes I am a little sad since I’ve held a little bit of hope for romantic bkdk becoming canon. I just wanted to ask your opinion if Hana was really meant to foil Kacchan or was it just a reach?

okay so I have a couple responses to this.

1. while it's true that Horikoshi has woven a lot of deliberate parallels between Deku and Tenko's characters, that doesn't mean every single thing about their lives and every single person they interact with is a part of those parallels. which is to say that no, I don't really think Hana and Kacchan are meant to mirror each other in any kind of significant way. Hana's apology to Tenko was under completely different circumstances than Kacchan's apology to Deku; I really don't see any connection between the two situations. you might as well be trying to compare Hana to Endeavor, or Deku, or Hawks, or Aizawa, or any other character who's apologized to anyone over the course of the story.

2. please pardon the forthcoming rant, anon -- and I hope you know that none of this is aimed at you in particular -- but for me personally, this whole obsession with ships becoming canon is one of the most exasperating types of discourse there is. like, don't get me wrong, I totally understand people wanting to see their favorite ships validated by the author, and not to mention there's also the issue of having more LGBTQ+ representation. but speaking as someone whose own orientation (aromantic) has almost no representation in fiction whatsoever, it gets frustrating to see so many people dismiss non-romantic relationships as being an inferior type of ship, to the extent that calling a relationship "sibling-like" is now a commonly-used attack in ship wars. so many people view romance as this completely transformative element, to the point where two characters can literally tick every other box on the intimate personal relationship checklist, and none of it will matter to some people unless they actually confess their love and kiss.

and again, I'm not saying I don't understand it, especially since queerbating is a thing. it's one thing if a writer is genuinely just trying to portray a close friendship, especially in series where romance isn't really a focus. but it's another thing entirely if a writer is deliberately hinting at a romance in a blatant bid to attract a larger queer audience, while all the while having no intention whatsoever of having those hints lead anywhere. the issue, I guess, is that it's not always easy to tell which scenarios are the former, and which are the latter. and of course, you also have people who think that the former is a type of cop-out as well, because the thing is that romance is always viewed as the default. so for a lot of people, allosexual and alloromantic relationships are the only ones that get considered as far as representation goes.

but you know what, I'm just gonna say it; even knowing where people are coming from, it's still discouraging to know that so many people are so dismissive of aro and ace relationships that the thought of a favorite ship not becoming romantic in canon is considered a profound disappointment. and it's even more discouraging that the thought of a rival ship becoming canon is considered such an existential threat to some that they will literally use "oh, they're just like siblings" as an argument against the ship, rather than a point in favor of. because siblings are a downgrade. friendship is a downgrade. any kind of close relationship that isn't inherently romantic or sexual in nature is less important, and that's just how it is.

so yeah, that's kind of a pet peeve, ngl. especially since the truth is I actually do think Bakugou and Deku's relationship is very akin to siblings. and so I do sometimes get weary of not being able to just outright say that without having to first pepper the statement with all kinds of disclaimers so that people don't think I'm invalidating the ship. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells if I ever want to talk about their relationship in terms that I can personally relate to.

but I mean, here's how I look at it. they've known each other since they were small children. they call each other exclusively (or almost exclusively) by childhood nicknames. they have an openness and an unspoken, almost taken-for-granted trust in each other to the point where they'll share closely guarded secrets ("I got my quirk from someone else") and personal vulnerabilities ("why was I the one who ended All Might?") with barely a second's hesitation which they would never share with anyone else. they have a comfortable little bickering type of rapport ("I'm getting stronger"; "well I'll just have to get even stronger then"; "you'll never surpass me"; "we'll see about that") which they can fall into with ease and which looks weird af to outsiders, but is "normal" to them and something they're both grateful to have.

they're so intimately familiar with each other's personality and behaviors that they can predict them with perfect accuracy. they're so in tune with each other that they can whip up elaborate coordinated attacks right on the spot in perfect sync. their admiration for each other is so strong that they each think of the other as being the epitome of winning and saving, respectively. their mental images of each other are so vivid that they subconsciously mimic each other's speech patterns whenever they start falling into a particularly strong Win or Save mindset themselves. they take no small amount of pride in showing off for each other. they go apeshit any time the other is in danger or hurt. and each of them would literally die for the other if it ever came to that.

all of that is already canon. on just about every metric imaginable except for "now kiss", the two of them already have a canon intimacy that rivals just about every other great relationship out there. and so to say that none of it actually counts unless there's an actual love confession involved frankly just boggles me. again, maybe it's because I have no personal vested interest in romance myself, though. I'm literally just not wired that way, and so I'm really not the best person to vent to when it comes to these kinds of concerns.

but look, no matter what happens from here on out, these two care about each other on a very deep and personal level. they're going to continue to be a part of each other's lives no matter what. and each of them, no matter what, will continue to occupy a space in each other's lives that no other person can fill, regardless of how we or Horikoshi or anyone else choose to label and define that space. and so in my book, that's already a win.

anyways, apologies again for the impromptu rant. again, this wasn't particularly directed at you in any way; if anything it's mostly just a generic response to the constant shipping discourse in this and every other fandom, and a more detailed explanation for why I personally don't like to get involved in it. this is just one of the myriad reasons why I try my best to stay very far away from BnHA twitter lol.

#bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #bakudeku #bnha meta #aspec #aromanticism #aromanticism in fiction #bakugou meta #deku meta #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha 322 #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #asks #anon asks #long post

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tolkien-feels · 3 years ago

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HELLO I WOULD LIKE YOUR AMARIE AND ELENWE THOUGHTS :D i am always feelin starved for amarie content (understandably, given how little she appears in canon) and i love reading people's thoughts on non-noldor bc there's much less canon info abt them!

This got a little long so I'm putting it under a cut

These are very much headcanons because as I'm sure you know, we know what? 4 facts about them, combined? Half of which are just who they were in love with? Thoroughly unhelpful, thanks Professor!

Since we have so little, I can actually walk you through my reasoning for coming up with the personalities I headcanon for them.

The meaning of Elenwe's name is pretty generic - Star-person. The -we suffix is usually but not always masculine, and I don't want to put too much stock on that... except that I have to cling to whatever clues I have, and Elenwe is one of the very few women who we know left Aman - so I'm extrapolating to say that like Nerwen, Elenwe received her name because she has unusual strength of body and/or will (which is sexist af but I'm following canon patterns here.) Given what a baddass her daughter is, I would not be surprised. And what if Idril's rescue in the Helcaraxe was not just Turgon's doing, but also brave and headstrong Elenwe forcing Turgon to save their daughter first and then come back for her? I can definitely see that.

The meaning of Amarie is possibly "Most good" and that checks out - she was not permitted to leave Aman? Really? It's literally a rebellion! She could easily have rebelled against this lack of permission as well! If anything, it might've helped persuade her Valinor is a prison! So this gives me the vibe that Amarie is A Good Girl™️ - perhaps one of the Vanyar who loves nothing more than to learn song and poetry to delight Manwe and his court. Perhaps like Nerdanel might have helped Feanor with his crafts in their youth - it was her father who was Aule's student, not Feanor's - Amarie taught Finrod a thing or two about Songs of Power, or they at least bonded over a shared love.

One possibility I like to toy with is that Turgon, Finrod, Elenwe and Amarie were a friend group. In my headcanons, Turgon and Finrod were childhood friends, as were Elenwe and Amarie, so when Turgon and Elenwe began to fall in love, what could be more natural than for the four of them to spend time together? In my mind, Turgon and Elenwe are older, bolder and have known each other for longer, so by the time they get married, Finrod and Amarie are still just making eyes at each other.

Though I think Elenwe and Amarie should be close in age, like I said, Elenwe might be slightly older, and she's definitely bolder, so she's almost a big sister figure? I can easily picture her teasing Amarie for her slooooow courtship of Finrod, or offering to fight the decision to make Amarie stay behind. Conversely, Amarie is probably Elenwe's confidante and supporter, the Jane Bennet to Elenwe's Elizabeth, or the Beth March to her Jo, or the Eliza Schuyler to her Angelica. You get the idea.

When the Darkening happens, I really like the idea of Elenwe and Amarie discussing things and parting on good terms - a rare thing in the families and friendships torn apart by the Flight of the Noldor. Amarie saying that no, Elenwe doesn't need to fight for her, she's made her decision and she's siding with the Valar. Elenwe offering to stay with Amarie as Anaire will stay with Earwen, and Amarie declining. I most definitely think Amarie promises to be like a daughter to Elenwe's grieving parents (you think Vanyar parents are happy about their daughter rebelling against Manwe's authority? I doubt that), and Elenwe in turn promises to look after Finrod in any way she's able. (Which. Um. Well, she does that for the rest of her life, I guess.)

There aren't enough women in Tolkien to allow for many friendships, which is a problem, so I feel like often whenever two women exist at the same time, I want them to be friends, even if I think that's unlikely - I don't know, for example, that Eowyn and Arwen wouldn't bore each other to death, even if I so, so badly want them to be friends in post-canon. But Elenwe and Amarie as I envision them in my head are two women whose friendship I really seriously buy. I mean, admittedly, that's pretty easy since I'm behind the headcanons, but I swear I actually came up with their personalities and then much later went "Oh. Oh they should be friends!" Even though I'm making them up, pretty much, this is a friendship I've grown to really love.

Speaking of which - these headcanons are free real estate. I don't really read fic, but I would for these two, so if you write anything please send it to me. I will reblog every art that finds its way into my hands. Please write headcanon and meta. Like, go wild, I want this to be A Thing.

#i have spent a normal amount of time thinking about minor characters.

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silverandarsenic-hcs · 2 years ago

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Different versions of the Ghostie Boys

so i said before that there’s two different versions of most of the ghost characters in my head at all times but both versions exist in totally different universes they never mix. This is because i wrote a book about the devil using most of them but it was before i knew what i know now, so they’re a little different but in a good way. V2 or V3 is how they are in said book. this is gonna be long so strap in. also i dont listen to canon because i hate it and its wrong

Nihil: V1 he’s just a wack old man whos probably high on painkillers and baby asprin all day. lazy silly grandpa who would rally his grandkids against their parents in a small child army, just for the heck of it. was still a shit dad, but makes up for it by chilling out and being a good grandpa. Was only harsh when he was younger because he wanted his sons to turn out better than he did and he loved them. V2, he’s the worst man you could imagine. He only ever had kids because he’d rather die slowly and painfully than have his bloodline leave the church. he never respected or honestly, cared, about any of his kids. pushed them until they hated him and rebelled, or succeeded out of spite. i don’t think hes ever hugged them or that it ever once occurred to him (that is, when he was around and the nanny was on a break)

Papa I: V1, hes the sweet old man who just wants to knit and read his books and bird watch and send postcards to his grandkids from his small cottage in the middle of the woods. V2, he’s a brutal but quiet man. He has nothing nice to say and so he usually doesn’t say anything. he never paid attention to his younger brothers and wanted the papacy from the beginning, and didn’t care about anything else.

Papa II: V1, he’s a party boy and will drink smoke fuck or snort anything you put in front of him. he’s the life of the party and keeps people around the time for no reason except what else is he supposed to do? Be alone. Sounds less fun than a weekend trip to Vegas. not one really for responsibilities. V2, he cares way more about being papa, and doing the best job possible. rules the church with an iron fist. still loves to have a good time, but in a much more reserved and refined. drinks fine scotch in private rooms at the club. has never will never and never wants to fall in love. V3 of him doesn’t really exist that far from V2 but i loosely based Lucifer on him which i think is very fun and sexy. marry me, mister.

Papa III: V1, the classic chaotic iced coffee drinking roller skating vodka chugging boy we all know and love. the sarcastic wild child that none of his brothers have ever been able to control. never really cared for the papacy, but he came to terms with the fact that he had no choice a very long time ago, so he just tries to make it fun and still doesn’t listen to any of the rules. V2, we have our beloved extravagant forlorn papa. he writes poetry and lets his heart lead him to anyone he can fall in love with next. he’s a good papa, out of spite, but also because he has the most to prove. he never listened and no one really ever believed into him, so he was determined to be the best papa the world had ever seen - and do it with style. anyone whos ever seen him look less than perfect has disappeared under mysterious circumstances. V3, is the same as V2 but has a little bit more chill (only cause he’s literally a billion)

Cardinal Copia: V1 copia he’s just a silly awkward rat boy who somehow stumbled his way into the church one day and they took him in like a stray. Now he’s a papa and has no clue how that happened, but he’s just happy to be included. arguably loveable weirdo, who cares about his ghouls more than anything, and just wants to be accepted by the previous papas - he knows its unlikely, but he still tries. V2, who im much more fond of, has been evil from the start. He knew what he was doing from the first time he joined the church, and anything that threatened his ascent to the throne would be removed swiftly and without remore. He knows everyone loves an underdog, and that pretending to be a silly innocent little guy would get him far - but only so far. V3, he’s just a quite old man who’s happy just to be the wise advisory to whoever is really in charge. I like this one and evil copia equally.

Aether: V1, fun older brother to the ghouls. packs them snacks when they go on field trips and teaches them important life lessons. he loves his friends so much that he wont even let anything close to bad happen to them, because he’ll always be around. thats pretty much how i write him all the time. V2, not very explored, is Evil Aether. he’s copias right hand man the same as always, but they’re really just plotting ways to overthrow everything and take over. In secret, Aether is just waiting for his turn to overthrow the cardinal and become a Papa in his own right. He’s sick of taking care of the ghouls like they’re children and only does it to keep up the look that he’s nice and normal. V3 is kind of like V1, but he’s not afraid to tell it like it is and won’t spare your feelings over the truth if he thinks its what you need to hear. he’s my fav

Swiss: V1, chaotic slut man who loves to cause problems but mostly just in other peoples relationships. kinda vain. him and dew are the terror twins of the church and honestly probably whatever country they’re in at any given moment. Aether knows better than to try and keep him contained, so he’s pretty much free to do as he pleases. V2 is fairly similar, but a little more vein and a little more refined. Still besties with Dew but doesn’t have the time to keep up with him 24/7. Also fucks things up but in a more malicious way bc he just wants to watch the world burn I guess. V3 is the most different (just between you and me, i forgot about him when i started the book and added him in later cause i fell in love). He’s kind of a douche, and doesn’t have an element assigned, so he’s the nerd ghoul. he’s insanely smart and hates almost everyone so he just fucks off to tinker with his shit and read books - I think because he has a superiority complex, but thats not my business. I love every swiss and would also marry him. just me swiss and papa ii in a weird love triangle / throuple.

Mountain: Both versions are super similar. V1, he’s just super chill and smokes a shit load of weed and wants to lay in a field w no shoes and do his thing. loveable oaf that gives good hugs but only when you ask. V2, has no chill and is the most antisocial person that has ever existed, so he still smokes a lot of weed but now it’s just so he has an excuse not to talk to anyone more than he has to. Much prefers to be left alone to do whatever, and pretty much never goes out with the other ghouls unless it’s somewhere they’ll be distracted.

Rain: I’m going to be frank with you. Short and sweet. V1 sweet little rubber ducky baby who likes bubble baths and holding hands and never really goes out, but thinks the rest of the guys are entertaining. The ghoulettes are his moms. V2 gay little slut. that’s all.

There’s no different versions of Dew because all i can think of all the time is him eating a truck load of irish spring so he can shit bubbles and chugging fireball at the bar with Swiss while they try and score (the pauly d and vinny of the church, if you will)

This one is my bad, but i don’t write the ghoulettes as often as i should have so i don’t really have anything to say about them either? They’re in lesbians with each other and live in a little cottage with a lot of cats. they’re the exact same in my book. i still love them and will give them more attention in the future.

- Rosie

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damselofblueroses · 3 years ago

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Bambi, Ch. 2, Ghost

You are my Bambi, girl, I am your candy, tell me what are you waiting for?

Summary: As an archaeologist who works on the Ancient Greece, you were on the verge of excavations’ session. While you have been preparing your team, you learned that your institute decided on your team has to work with another team as they wanted the outcome as a collaboration. The head of other team was your biggest rival, a scumbag in your eyes: Byun Baekhyun.

You two were supposed to work together for three months, in a Greek Island, Chios.

Could you manage to not kill Byun Baekhyun for three months?

Chapter Summary: Byun Baekhyun and the Reader remember the day they spent in UN Village together while they are heading to Chios. (Guys, this chapter, which is dedicated to the beginning of their relationship, is going to be two parts, otherwise it is going to be more than 20k lol)

Word Count: 11k

Content: AU, heavily Greek mythology, enemies to lovers.

Warnings: Well, the story contains NSFW/Smut, please minors do not continue.

Note: This story will be 7 or 8 chapters if I will not change my mind in the meantime. It is inspired by my major; however, I do not have a complete knowledge on archaeology, I am a historian. If I will make a technical mistake, please let me know. I am willing to receive any kind of feedback; you are more than welcomed to drop a message.

Series Masterlist

Chapter 2: Ghost

5 years ago, Hannam-dong

Even if I want you so much it drives me crazy

You ghost

Even if I want and call for you all night long

You came to me and left without a word

You ghost, you ghost

You want to go crazy all night, you plead

You ghost

You disappeared again without a trace

“What type of sadistic and sick person could say that we have to work here?” you cursed between your teeth, you jaw clenched because of pure anger. “How do they expect us to do our job in the middle of fucking super-ultra-rich people?”

“Get used to it.” Junmyeon flinched your forehead, but his frustration was oblivious, even though he was doing definitely better than you. “Where is Baekhyun?”

“I do not know.” you recklessly pointed to the expensive cars on the road. “Maybe he was looking for a sugar mommy.”

“As your sunbae,” Minseok hit you. “I would like to remind you to hold on your manners.”

“Someone has to give a speech on manners to him.” your eyebrows knitted together. “Not to me.”

“Both of you,” Kyungsoo nonchalantly spoke. “need a really good beaten session, since both of you have no idea on how to behave.”

You threw the book you were holding to Kyungsoo, but he was too quick and easily saved himself from your unexpected attack.

“I am here, right?” you hissed. “Where the heck is that bastard? He always disappears when it comes to work, why do you hold me in the same esteem with him?”

“Because you are definitely a copy of Baekhyun.” Chanyeol laughed at your god-fucking-damn-it-so-horrible face expression. “Let’s face with the fact, Indy. Everyone knows that Baekhyun is a disciplined student, just as you are, badmouthed, just as you are.”

“Are you talking about me?” Baekhyun popped out of nowhere. “I heard you are praising me less than the way I deserve.”

Your face could be described as disgusted, but this would be the kindest way of telling how your appearance was. Actually, you wanted to punch his narcissistic self-perspective, to shake his cage in order to give him the lesson he deserved, but you did not want to be scolded by Junmyeon again. You just walked away from him, needing to put a safe distance between yourself and Baekhyun.

God, if you could run away to space, you would do it in order to not infuse with the same air with Baekhyun.

You disliked him, you disliked the way of his well-being, you disliked his velvety voice, his lame jokes, his sharp remarks, you disliked everything about Byun Baekhyun.

And you hated yourself because of finding him very handsome. Sometimes, you caught yourself, staring at Baekhyun, forgetting how to breath properly. His face was like a gift of God himself; his body ratio made you to say oh-my-fucking-god.

Thank God, he had the most annoying character, because if he had a good personality, you knew that you would fall in love over the heels with him.

“What kind of idiot chained us here?” Baekhyun asked to Junmyeon. “Fuck’s sake, what the heck we are going to here? Digging beneath the Richie riches’ villas?”

Chanyeol bite his lips before looking at you, silently reminding your own words and his remarks about being very same with Baekhyun. You did not back off, staring at Chanyeol with all frustration went through your veins, causing Chanyeol to laugh. Baekhyun hit his head, then walked towards Junmyeon to take his own tool bag.

You hated him for this, too. He was acting like he was a superior, like he was better than any of you, and what got your nerves badly was no one scold him as they would scold you if you would do the same things.

“Yeah, I am like this scumbag who does not carry even his own stuff, huh?” you literally sizzled between your teeth, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo heard your annoyed voice, but they preferred to keep their silence. Your hate was not a secret for the team, everyone was aware of the fact that putting you and Baekhyun was a dangerous decision since he also loathed you.

But to your dismays, you were the brightest students Sejong could always play on.

“Seriously what we are going to do?” Baekhyun repeated his question because he really did not have a single clue.

“Didn’t you read the mail Sejong sent us?” Jongdae asked him, raising one eyebrow. Baekhyun shrugged his shoulder, you bit your lower lip in order keep your frustration under your control. What a bastard!

“We have to visit UN Village, there are seven neighbourhood where we have to go and collect the permissions of the residents.” Junmyeon run his hand through his hair. He was already on the verge of cracking since he was the one who had to deal with a lot of capricious upper-class members in order to complete this fucking task. He wished nothing but changing his path, he started to think like the field was not his cup of tea, but before resigning from leadership, he wanted to find a good candidate who could lead the team.

He wanted you to be that leader. You and Baekhyun. Heretofore, Junmyeon laid his eyes on both of you and your abilities persuaded him to nominate your names when he could propose an election. He did not want to be a fieldperson, he wished to stay in his office, but at the same time, he could not inherit his legacy, Godfuckingdamnit Junmyeon’s did his best in order to engrave his name as one of the most successful captains, to anyone but the best. Yet, Junmyeon had no idea how to put you in good terms, since you were like a cat and dog, and Chanyeol, that giant idiot, used every opportunity to fan the flames, even that silent Kyungsoo enjoyed watching intangible scuffles between you and Baekhyun.

Junmyeon has been sensing that the team was becoming aware of the situation and camping as two different poles. Jongdae, Shinhye and Minseok were setting off closer to you while Chanyeol, Kyungsoo and the newbie, Jongin have been shifting to Baekhyun’s side. Damn, Junmyeon could not let it to be happen. He needed all of you under the same umbrella, especially you and Baekhyun had to stay together. He was seeing a great potential of you, if you could combine your powers, you were going to be the perfect team. Period.

“Let’s split into teams.” his eyes wandered around all of you. “We are eight, if we can divide ourselves into four teams, we will finish the job easier and quicker.”

“Yeah, you are right.” Kyungsoo approved. “I am going to take Chanyeol.”

“Are you my superior, dumbass?” Chanyeol hit his shoulder, but he was laughing. “I am with Kyungsoo.”

“Good.” Junmyeon inhaled. “Shinhye, you are with Jongdae.”

You automatically stirred next to Minseok, however you shuttered after hearing Junmyeon’s next orders.

“Indy, you and Baekhyun are together, Minseok, let’s go.”

“What?!” you immediately stopped and hissed at Junmyeon. “Am I with who?”

Jongdae realized the storm before seeing the clouds, clever as always, he disappeared while dragging Shinhye with him. You even did not notice, but Chanyeol’s smile widened, Kyungsoo smirked, and they rushed to their own direction.

Only four of you were standing on the pavement, you were throwing daggers to Junmyeon with your eyes. Baekhyun was nonchalantly looking at Junmyeon, while Minseok could not find a way to break the tension.

Junmyeon was cool as a cucumber.

“You are with Baekhyun.” he repeated his words, sounding like he was condemning you with execution. “What? Do you have a rejection?”

“Yes!” you exploded without thinking. “Why shou-

“Believe me,” Baekhyun interrupted your words, he was indifferent to your frustration. “I did not beg for being in the same team with you.”

“Did I claim that?” you swiftly turned on your tiptoes. “Did I say you are eager to be with me?”

“It would be the greatest joke you could make.” Baekhyun winked to you. “But you are not so into the entertainment, right?”

“Baekhyun,” Minseok noisily cleared his throat. “I am not sur-

“What do you know about me?” you heard your own voice. “This is why we cannot work together, you always make assumptions out of your ass, instead I work as organized, with the facts and tangible proofs.”

“What do you know about me?” Baekhyun coldly smiled at you, you could not describe its impacts on you, that smile had you wanting to punch him at the same time ignited some fires in your lower stomach. “We barely talk, have you been watching me all the time?”

“You wish.” you took a deep breath. “You are not worth my time.”

“Oh,” his eyes glimmered with a menacing luminescence. “I am deeply wounded.”

“If you are done,” Junmyeon raised his hands to the air. “We have to work.”

“Jun-

“Young lady,” Baekhyun barged on. “They did not teach you this, so it’s up to me but we are not in kindergarten anymore.”

You had to admit, no one could get your nerves till now like Baekhyun did.

You had to admit, you hated being called as a kid. Junmyeon’s eyes blown up when Baekhyun labelled you as a kid, before he could open his mouth, you stared at Baekhyun.

“I can see why we could be a team.” you took the directional instructions from Junmyeon’s hand. “A kindergarten kid has to take care of a cry baby while the adults have to work.”

Baekhyun’s eyebrows furrowed, but you wholly ignored his visible annoyance, and started to walk. Junmyeon was looking at your back with a little bit concerned face, but he knew that he did what he had to do.

You were going to scold Junmyeon in the following hours of the day, however, now your job was teaching a couple of lessons on manners to this scumbag who has been walking beside you.

You spent the first hour in a total silence, talking only if the occasion called for it. The tension between you and Baekhyun was solid, someone could cut it with a knife without any problem. Baekhyun was bored to death, he never plan to have a day like this, he wanted to enjoy everything he did, he thought he could be with Chanyeol or Kyungsoo, having fun to death.

Instead, he was trapped with you.

The only girl he loathed to the bits.

He could not endure to hear your voice, even though you talked with the residents very kindly and respectfully. He had to admit that you were doing a good job, but it did not change anything he felt for you. He had been cursing Junmyeon since he put you two in the same task, however, he knew that if Junmyeon wanted something from Baekhyun, he would do it without question. Baekhyun could be many things, but he was loyal to his friends, and Junmyeon had a special place in his heart.

Also, behind the curtains of his hate, he could see why Junmyeon gave you to him. Although you were an abominable bitch, an obnoxious creature, a walking blasphemy, and a hate crime, Baekhyun did not think you could be an offspring of a lovely or healthy relationship, he was sure your parents were diabolical beasts, to his disappointment, you were reallyclever.

He wished you could be more reliable person, so he could work with you.

Baekhyun did not like to confess, yet he was aware of the fact that he desperately needed his own Evelyn O’Connor. Someone who could play the game with him, as his trustable partner in crime. He was extremely close to Chanyeol and Kyungsoo, but they were not equal to his wits and ambitions. Sometimes he was brassed off the conversations, time to time he found them boring and lame. His logic was faster than his mates, actually he was longing for nothing, but someone was equal to his high-speed brain.

You could be the one he was searching for, but you were made of poison, greed, and wickedness. Even if he would be blessed by the Heavens, he could not agree to work someone with you.

“Your Highness,” he heard your fucking voice. “We have to visit at least twelve houses more; do you mind hurrying up?”

“The only thing I mind is your fucking attitude.” he gritted his teeth. “Give the plan to me.”

“So, you can destroy everything I organized properly?” you smirked. “I do not think so.”

“Organized?” Baekhyun cocked his eyebrow. “Organized, my ass. Didn’t you lose Park Sangwan’s house? Twice?”

“Look who is talking.” the red of embarrassment slightly painted your cheeks and ears. “The one who had no idea about today’s plans.”

“At least I did not lose my fucking way and circled around the same house almost for half an hour.”

“And the award goes to Byun Baekhyun for his greatest achievements.” you gave back the wink to him, grinning like a Cheshire cat. “Oh, breaking news. No achievement no award.”

Baekhyun took it personally since you two competed to each other as the finalists of last academic year. Your project was accepted as the winner while Baekhyun received only a certificate. You hit the lotto, he had to watch you, walking to the stage with a bright smile tugged on your lips.

Still, he could vividly remember the little smirk you gave to him that night when they announced your name.

“You did it consciously.” his jaw clenched. “That night. When they called you as the winner. You immediately turned to me just to annoy me.”

“It seems, I achieve my goal.” your smirk widened, a glistening layer of fun covered your face. “Were you disappointed?”

“Yeah, of course.” he did not miss a single second. “I was disappointed of the professors, I was believing they were cleverer than me, but their choice showed me they were nothing but idiots.”

“Could you smell the air, Baekhyun?” you asked with a serious face. He was confused for a second, you never ask a question to him or call him by his name, but before he could register, you tucked the words in his throat. “Oh, jealousy, my favourite.”

“Darling,” Baekhyun swallowed hard. “There is no single living soul who can be low enough to jealous you in this universe.”

That was not quite truth, because Baekhyun not only remembered your revengeful smile but also how you were looking like that day. He could paint you on canvas by closed eyes, and he would not miss a single detail.

And he was a little bit jealous on that day. Not only because he lost over to you, but also because of the people around you. You annoyed him not only with your award, but also with your closeness to the other men.

Despite of your usual oversize clothes or no makeup policy, you chose to present yourself in a different style. Your hair was perfectly combed, your makeup highlighted your face features, and you were wearing a little light blue dress which tightly caressed your body. Baekhyun, or none of your classmates knew that you had curves for example till that night and to Baekhyun’s dismay, you had a really good body. You were a minion, your beauty was very soft and although he really hated to admit this, you were a view for the spectators. Maybe not the prettiest, but you had something had people looking at you, liking you, desiring you.

You had an aura which was enough to make your biggest enemy to silently acknowledged that you were attractive.

“Maybe, there is no one.” you shrugged your shoulder. “But youwere eager to low yourself, huh?”

You did not forget the look on Baekhyun’s face when Professor Kim called you to the stage. You were sure as fuck, he was cursing you but also there was something else, glowing in his eyes. Something you could not describe, but you could see the same emotion in your reflection when you saw Baekhyun with that crowd of girls.

Rarely.

But still you knew that feeling.

That ceremony was hard for you, of course you were over the moon because of your achievement, that project opened you some fresh opportunities and proved that despite of being a junior, you were more than a bachelor student. You proved your talents and abilities to yourself by winning the first place, you completed a step, made your first goal come true.

And you nailed Byun Baekhyun’s coffin. It was worth of every minute you spent sleepless, your tears and sweats, the hours in library, the hours in front of the plan of Gyeongbokgung Palace and search for the most logical and safest ways of conducting an excavation around the palace.

Your ideas were chosen over Baekhyun’s ideas, and you were aware of the quality of the solutions he proposed.

You were proud of yourself.

It was the bare truth that Baekhyun’s face were singing to you just as your favourite band could sing, seeing his face just like someone fed him with cucumbers was equal to being accepted into your dream field, Chios’ excavations, as the chief archaeologist.

But you were annoyed.

You could not happily taste your success. You could not feel its flavour on your tongue buds.

Because of that bastard looked fucking magnificent in that bloody black suit.

You have been told about the dress code you had to follow, however no one, not a single soul managed to catch his level of looking good in a suit.

You were annoyed because your taste in men was exactly equal to Byun Baekhyun. He had everything you could ask for, he was devilishly charming, there was even no need for words to describe him, he was beautiful.

And he was the only one you hated the most.

Every girl in the room was drooling over him, to your dismay, just like you. You felt that feeling in your stomach, a pain which was spinning, spinning, and spinning, causing a tornado inside of your stomach.

Was it jealousy?

“I already noticed your ignorance about the feelings.” Baekhyun could not control himself anymore and grabbed your shoulder, turning you to the opposite direction. “We have to follow this fucking street, or we will be lost again.”

“Have you been observing me, Baekhyunnie? That’s so cute.” you ignored the second part of his words, just starting to walk on the direction he instructed to you.

“Observing you takes a minute, baby girl, since there is nothing to see.” he answered but he found it interesting when you called him as Baekhyunnie. “You are a spoiled brat.”

“Hop, that hurts.” you pouted, pressed your fist on your chest, faking a whimper. “Would you like to tame this spoiled brat?”

You started to think that you went nuts.

“In your dreams.” Baekhyun laughed, but he literally lost himself in the fucking possibilities you could be tamed by him. “You have to wait a couple of centuries for someone who can be willing to be with you.”

You chuckled but preferred to keep your silence after his words. Damn, your sudden quietude caught Baekhyun’s attention more. Why didn’t you not attack to him? Why didn’t you give him a sharp answer as you should have?

Why you chuckled like there was a line at your door?

Was it?

Baekhyun pondered that instead of the fact that you were generally with a small group of friends, to both of your dismays your common friends, he did not see you with strangers, so there could not a queue for your hand.

Could it be?

And why the fuck he should have care if there is a crowd for you or not? No one could want someone like you if they did not lose their mind.

But he cared. Fuck, he cared more than he wanted.

Because to his disappointment, he knew that there was a real cavalcade of knightly candidates for you.

“Okey,” you checked the time. “After this one, I am going to have lunch.”

“We are going to have lunch.” Baekhyun gritted his teeth. “I hate eating alone enough to endure your presence.”

“Didn’t you tell me there is no one who could want to be with me?” you snickered. “But you have no reservations about having lunch with me?”

“Imagine the situation I am in.” he grumbled. “The day gets better and better.”

You decided to annoy him, pushing him to the edges as much as you could do. The first response that came to your mind refusing him, but the other option was funnier. You could play with Byun Baekhyun, you could take your revenge by being a pain in the ass.

He said that he could endure your presence.

You could make him regretful of his words.

There was a very little smile tugged on your lips which you were not aware of, however, to his dismay, Baekhyun realized it.

Her lips are rosy and plump, he thought to himself. Even though he called you a spoiled brat, he was not sure of if you were a brat or not. Kiddos have not the type of lips, calling people for the kisses, like you. There was something, even during your cocky performances when you tried to beat the life out of him, although you always kept that dull and bored expression and acted like Baekhyun was not worth of your time, but there was something just in you.

Baekhyun swallowed down his own vomit when he admitted it to himself, and you have caught his glare.

“What?” you purred. “Can’t you take your eyes off me?”

“Who the hell wants to watch you?” he quickly collected his thoughts and put them in a fucking trail. “I am looking for a restaurant where we can have good food.”

After a permanent mutual ignorance session for years, his next words caught you off your guard.

“You like local foods, right?” he asked. “I guess the second shop on this street is famous for jjangmyeon and tteokbokki.”

Well, you had to admit that his questions made your brain a little bit foggy. How could he know that?

“Yeah.” for the first time in history, you did not come up with any sharp answer. “How about you?”

“As long as there is no cucumber or extremely sweet cuisine,” he started to walk. “I am fine.”

You heard that Baekhyun is really not in good terms with cucumber.

“Feel you.” you murmured in your mouth because you hated cucumbers as much as you hated Baekhyun. He swiftly look at you, you accompanied him on the street.

“We should celebrate.” he teased. “I said something, you just answered, and we did not have a fight.”

“This is a privilege for cucumbers.” you shrugged your shoulder, but you also felt that he did not buy your nonchalant tone. “I cannot stand them, mum loves it too much, I mean what type of person can love a cucumber? If I need water, I prefer to drink it.”

Your observation made him tilted his head back in that rumbling laugh of his, you were unwilling to join, but the corners of your mouth turned up slightly.

“Here we go.” He, as a gentleman, opened the door for you, you responded with the most neutral expression you could muster. “Oh, no thanks?”

“Thank you.” you rolled your eyes, however, despite of your strongly negative feelings against him, you do not like rudeness. “Sorry, that was insolence of me.”

“Your apology is fully accepted.” he winked, you hated that cocky tone, you hated yourself for falling into his trap. You passed him, went to a distanced table where it placed in the corner. You did not want to be seen as having a lunch with Baekhyun by your teammates.

Corner was fine.

“Oh, no.” he grabbed your arm, manhandled you to the tables of the center. “I will not let you escape. If they see us, let them to see.”

Your eyebrows knitted, your lips pressed to each other enough to form a thick line on your face, you could almost taste your growing anger. But at the same time, you realized that feeling his hand on your skin increased your heartbeats, you wanted to scream with self-hatred, but you bite down on your tongue as his hand quickly wandered to down, to your waist. He directed you to the most visible table from outside while you were fighting yourself in order to control your fucking pace of breathing.

Please, this could not be true, I could not be excited because of his touch, you thought.

This was not happening, what the fuck was happening?

Baekhyun was not so different from you, even though his face expression was not changed for a bit. He forced himself to take control, but it was really hard for him.

Your hate was reciprocated, right? You guys could not spend even a bloody minute in peace, the only thing you had was annoyance.

So, why you perfectly fit in his embrace just like you were made just to be under his arm?

Why Baekhyun wanted to tight his arm around your waist?

Why could you not say anything even though Baekhyun was literally holding you?

Why you felt like you were in the only place where you had to be for the rest of your days?

“Hi.” you heard the waitress who was a really beautiful girl. “Welcome to Sung’s String. How can I help you?”

Even though finishing her sentence, she begun to eye Baekhyun. You rolled your eyes and reached to the menu; to be honest, this show was not funny after seeing it for the million times. Every time, Sejong Team went outside for a drink, for a gathering or even for a museum trip, girls and sometimes boys gazing the members of Sejong Team just like they were idols or actors because of their good-looking. Eh, they were not wrong, you had to say that the Sejong Team included really, really, and really handsome boys from Baekhyun to Chanyeol, from Kyungsoo to Jongdae and these boys’ superiors were Kim oh-my-godJunmyeon and Kim lord-help-us Minseok.

Well…

You were already got used to the reactions coming from all around when Sejong Team showed their faces. You knew that both of insiders and outsiders of Sejong Institute called your team members as the Flower Boys or a shitty nickname like that.

“I would like to have a jjangmyeon without cucumbers, and a tteokbokki.” you turned the menu off. “With a light coke.”

“Coke?” Baekhyun mimicked you like he could not believe his ears. “Are you kidding? Everyone knows that you have to drink jasmine tea in order to help digestion.”

“Have you been majored in nutrition?” you gave him your bitchy resting face. “Shut the fuck up.”

“No coke.” he wholly ignored you and turned to the waitress who was watching him as drooling. “Please, we want two bowls of jjangmyeon, two tteokbokki, also please we would like to have kimbap and kimchi as the garnitures and of course a pot of jasmine tea.”

“Yeah!” she sounded weaker after Baekhyun conducted all power he had in his eyes to her. “Anything else?”

“I guess we are fine for the time being.” Baekhyun smiled to her, causing a flush of redness on her cheeks.

“I will be back as soon as possible.” the girl literally purred, Baekhyun’s eyes shined after her reaction. Little bastard. You did not want to think about it, but his visible joy had your stomach churned. You inhaled and took your book out of your bag.

“What are you doing?” Baekhyun glanced up at you, reached to take the book from your hands. “Having lunch together means conversation, are you going to read?”

“Give the book to me, Byun.” you kicked his foot under the table. “I know you do not know how to read and enjoy but that’s a good habit to have.”

“Yeah, I know that habit of you gives nothing but lonely hours in library.” he had no limits of shooting his arrows. “Have you ever tried something different for a change?”

“Like what?” you tried to get back your book. “Following your great example and dedicate my life to your favourite sport? Sorry, I have no interest in running after women by lolling my tongue out of my mouth.”

“Baby girl,” Baekhyun put your book in his leather bag. “You have no idea whose tongue lolls out of the mouth.”

You could not decide on what you hated the most. Baekhyun or the girls after Baekhyun? You concluded as both of them were equally horrible in your eyes.

“I am sure your stories are incredible.” you inhaled. “But I really do not like to hear the anecdotes of miserable women. Could you give the book back before I gauge your eyes off?”

“Nope.” he grinned. “I can bet on you are still a virgin but tell me if you have an affair or not, I would like to pay my condolences to your partner.”

He was already written as the first name in your list of most-hated-people, but suddenly became the first man to be written as the first enemy of a lifetime.

“Did you finish your own list of dead partners?” you raised one eyebrow. “Thinking of its length gives me chills.”

“No dead.” his grin widened from one ear to the other. “They just had some temporary heart problems due to the performances I gave to them.”

You opened your mouth to slap his face with the words, but the waitress came back to your table with a huge tray. She was placing every bowl and plate, actually fucking Baekhyun with her eyes, you literally hardly suppressed your instincts, telling you to warn her immediately.

But you were not honest with yourself about why you wanted to warn her. In the deep of your mind, but in very deep, you had been starting to realize that you disliked when the girls threw themselves to Baekhyun because you wanted them to stop. You did not like the scene because you did not want to share Baekhyun’s gaze with another person.

You were lying to yourself without realizing what was the real problem of you.

You loved Baekhyun from the beginning, even though he was a fucking tease and a bloody smartass. There was no other man for you, if someone could cut your chest, the only thing would be seen in your heart was his name.

But that would be the heaviest self-enlightenment, and you were definitely not ready for such as a thing. That’s why you unconsciously continued to trick yourself by disguising your own feelings from your own eyes.

You got the chopsticks and decided to have your lunch instead of burying yourself in the maze of thoughts. Baekhyun realized your discomfort, but he had no idea what the real reason of your mood was, whatever made you unhappy was more than okey for him. He could be happy as long as you were sorrowful.

“You still not give an answer to the question.” he was persistent on pushing your limits. “Do you have a relationship?”

“Why are you curious?” you took a mouthful amount of jjangmyeon. How much you wanted to stuff these noodle strings into his throat, suffocating him to death. “If you want to send a bouquet, please note that I love blue roses.”

“You are really a virgin, huh?” Baekhyun diabolically grinned, you could swear on you saw the red halo over his head.

“Darling, you cannot make me angry by stating what is obvious.” you smiled back, there was no reason holding it back, you were always open on these issues, and a sick part of you wanted to tell him to see his reaction. “Yeah, I am a virgin.”

“Do you conservatively follow a church?” his chin dropped a few inches. “How could it be possible with all the boys who try to seduce you?”

Well, you did not expect to hear this.

“Come on,” Baekhyun continued. “I always see you with a bunch of men, do you really think they are following you only for friendship?”

“On the contrary of you and your limit-does-not-exist type of libido, people can build the bonds of affinity.”

“Only when they do not search for an open door to sneak in.” Baekhyun pointed his chopsticks to your face. “Telling you, I can name at least six permanent names in the waiting room.”

You did not see the hidden meaning of his words, however, Baekhyun was already became regretful, he silently prayed for your ignorance and blindness were going to keep him safe. Because he gave you the biggest clue of his interest in you by stating he could give even names.

He still did not understand how he could know everything about you or why he always put a brick on the ways of the candidates for you, but he did. Hell, he was unapologetically finding a way to prevent the boys who liked you and no one could understand it was Baekhyun. He always came up with a solution in order to intimate them, put them back off. You were not aware but Baekhyun always appeared around you when he thought a candidate was close to you more than he supposed to be.

He already put his stamina on you as his girl, but he was not aware of his own actions. He was not aware of what he has been doing, how he was persistently looking for you, searching for your face in every class or harmoniously living with your voice. It was like your breathing was singing to his ears, and he was dancing with your melody.

Baekhyun did not understand but he was yours.

“I am not sure what you think,” you sipped from jasmine tea with self-confidence. “But there is no such a fucking waiting room.”

“You are really blind.” Baekhyun chewed a rice cake, generously dipping it into the gochujang sauce. “Don’t you think Oh Seunghwan is acting like more than a friend? Or Jang Jeongbun? Jesus, even you really cannot be that much idiot.”

Baekhyun was right for the first time in history. You were nothing more than a retard because you really did not understand the behind the scenes of his words. He was unconsciously giving you the signs of his interests in you, but you were so naïve to see.

“They are my friends, Baekhyun.” you rolled your eyes back. “I know grasping the nature of different relationships is hard for you, but people can be nothing but friends. No need to add tensions or searching for hidden meanings.”

Every time you vocalized his fucking name, Baekhyun felt its impact went straight to his dick, and he hated himself for that.

You were not the type of people who could be okey with the target of teasing. You wanted to play, you wanted to be enhanced by it, sinking into the waves of the game.

And even Baekhyun did not admit it in his head, he believed you were the most attractive girl he has been known because of you always corresponded to his moves and cards.

“How about you?” you immediately played your reverse card, grinning like a Cheshire cat. “I heard that you and your gorgeous looks which made entire school swoon and fantasize about you? Are you really called as the sexiest human being on the country?”

Your voice was the strongest indicator of your disbelief, he could be the biggest moron on planet Earth, nothing more nothing less.

Also, you were aware of those comments on Baekhyun more than you wished for. You kept everything you heard about him in your head, in the safest and the most secret file of your brain, refusing to think but keeping on unconsciously think about those speculations. You found them very suspicious, but not because of Baekhyun did not deserve to be called as the sexiest human being, you found those fantasies as unlikely because of Baekhyun had not that macho man stuff people were somehow attributing to him.

You had grown so sick from all of these dreams and comments, coming from every corner of school since Baekhyun was like a star.

And now, you had him seemed quite displeased with your tease.

“Only on the country?” he raised one eyebrow. “Shit, it seems I am not doing well.”

“Baby, you are coming after Park Chanyeol.” you sighed in joy of dancing on your tiptoes. “That’s a quite achievement, when you think.”

“Chanyeol?” he sighed in annoyance; you knew that you trapped his ego in a small box. “Coming after Chanyeol?”

“Yeah.” you gave the most nonchalant look to him. “Well, I can tell that’s quite unfair since Flower Boys includes really strong names such as Kyungsoo or Junmyeon but… Poor girls, they have to be lunatic to put you after Chanyeol.”

“What do you think about these extremely distorted images of us?” Baekhyun angrily took a mouthful of jjangmyeon.

“Do you ask my list?” you crossed your hands over your chest, cooing with gleamy eyes. “I cannot believe that Byun Baekhyun, asking me, a poor peasant, for her list.”

Baekhyun’s eyes darkening, and you were not sure why your mood was changed from the pure need of mocking him to an excitement which you could not ignore. His voice was really screechy and boyish when he asked your list, and his voice giving you a different kind of pleasure. Not the pleasure of scolding him, but the delight of toying him, pushing him to the edge.

But you did not analyse your current feelings, instead, you rushed to deliver your actually-not-existent list.

“We are talking about physical features, right? But I am going to rate everyone also with their characteristics.” you smiled. “For me, the first name is Chanyeol. I mean, look at that face he has, and his body ratio is excellent, but he has a golden heart. Then, of course Kyungsoo, he is fucking handsome, therefore, he is a great guy.”

“I really pity your tastes of men.” Baekhyun’s discontent with your made-up list was palpable, and the dissatisfaction of his tone was like honey left out in the morning sun.

“The number 3 is Junmyeon as always.” you wholly ignored his comment. “No one can say anything against to Kim Junmyeon, he is the definition of aesthetic. Minseok and Jongdae shared the same number in my list, and that’s all.”

“You forgot me.” Baekhyun snorted, his voice made you lifted your head. He was so tense; you never see his jaw clenched at this expand. What’s up his ass? you silently though in your head.

“I did not.” you were cool as a cucumber. “You are not in the list.”

Till now, you guys always ate each other, digging the graves for each other, always fighting always scolding always throwing invisible daggers to each other. However, you have never ever seen those dangerous lights, dancing in the pupils of Baekhyun after your words.

It was difficult to wrap your mind around the fact that you found this Baekhyun as more attractive than his usual-self and unfortunately you already found Baekhyun very desirable. Even though you would never even let yourself to think about being intimate with him, his eyes stirred something inside of you, ignited some fires close to your lower stomach.

“I am sorry to hear that.” you also never heard this cold voice tone of Baekhyun, and you heard almost every negative version of Baekhyun’s voice which he spared only to use against you. “Let’s finish the meals, we have to be back to work.”

“Yeah.” you nod, lightly smiled. You managed to make him mad, you achieved your goal to annoy him so bad.

Why did you feel bad?

Why did you want Baekhyun to continue on the game?

Why did you feel regretful?

Why did you want to cry?

When Baekhyun’s phone started to ring, you almost completed every house in the list Junmyeon gave to you.

And you spent the last two hours in a total silence. It was eerily, Baekhyun’s lips firmly presses into each other like he sworn on not to talk again. You were not so different, but inside of your mind, something was gnawing your inner peace.

You were not happy, even you coped with the most difficult task, shutting Baekhyun’s mouth.

But you were not happy. You did not feel like you got the prize.

Instead…

You were extremely sad, and you felt like you let the trophy to slid between your fingers.

You had to feel like you hit the jackpot, but quite opposite, you were miserable.

You were especially afraid of losing Baekhyun’s attention, your own heart was aching at the way you told him off.

Still, you were lying to yourself and trying to conceal what made you afraid, you were not honest to your conscious, however despite of your efforts, you knew something was wrong with you after his transformation after you showed him the door.

You were a coward; you were not accepting the solid fact that you were in love with Byun Baekhyun and what made you afraid was nothing but losing him.

However, you were also sure on Baekhyun had a place in your head, making you shutter, had you shaking in your shoes. You could not name where to put his name, but you knew he had a place in your life.

And you were horrified by the possibility of losing the chance of hearing his voice. Even if his cocky remarks were the only words you could rip from him.

“Yeah?” Baekhyun answered to the call, for a second, you were happy to hear his voice again, but he walked towards to the last house you had to visit without waiting for you. He did not do this, even in the beginning of the day. You took a deep breath, you did not know why the heck you were really sad for his sudden coldness, godfuckingdamnit didn’t you hate and always despise each other? You mentally slapped yourself to gather yourself up, but it was pointless, you rushed to catch him.

You were aware of there was a painful squeeze in your chest, but you could not understand the reason of its presence or how you could get rid of that.

“Junmyeon told us to retreat.” Baekhyun informed you without looking at you. “After this house, we have to run back to the meeting point.”

“Okey.” you nod, hated the meek voice tone you produced but your mind was not on the case, you were questioning your own feelings and firm beliefs about Baekhyun.

Baekhyun was not better, to be honest, he was worse than you.

When you nonchalantly told him he was not in your list, he wanted to puke everything he devoured during lunch even though tteokbokki was his favourite food. He wanted to punch himself on the face when you counted the members of your fucking list, he wanted to smack his head into the table.

Chanyeol? Kyungsoo? Damnit, even Junmyeon found his way to sneak into your list, but Baekhyun was not there.

He was always sure of he would be landed in every list, but he never think that being in your fucking list was the most important for him.

Why did he care if you were not seeing him as a man or not?

This question swirling in his head had his mind shattering.

As much as he was happy to see you wiggling like a worm under the fires, he could not control his reactions against the problem. When he saw you trembling over a case, he was the first one always popped out of nowhere to fix the problem in the darkness and never let you learn that it was him. He did not let even Junmyeon to help you, putting aside Chanyeol or Kyungsoo.

Baekhyun was the one who had been saving your ass like he was your invisible rescue call.

But you did not name him in your fucking list.

It drove him into crazy. The lack of your attention. He never mean that alerting you on his helps or care for you, but at the same time, he never think that his efforts would be equal to nothing.

He hated himself as much he hated you.

While you were walking back to the meeting point, both of you were lost in your own darkest thoughts. You were carefully paying the attention in order to not to have immersed each other, however both of you wanted nothing but screaming to each other, enough to have the fiercest fight till now.

You wanted to lose yourself in Baekhyun just like he was dying to bury himself into you for his dear life. However, both of you were very good at muting the voices of your hearts and minds.

“Indy! Baekhyun!” you heard Minseok, turning to his voice. “It is going to be a blizzard; we have to find a shelter.”

“Ha?”

“The forecast was clear as fuck.” Chanyeol pointed Junmyeon who was glued to his phone. “Jun is looking for a hotel for us since we could not go back.”

“We can take the cabs?” you were puzzled, a blizzard would be bad, but it did not mean that you had to spend the night here. “I mean, we are not living in a different city.”

“Yeah, you are right.” Shinhye crossed her arms over her shoulders, trying to keep herself warm. You had to admit, although you did not feel it till now, the weather was really cold. “But the cab drivers refused to drive into the city center. They advised us to stay here.”

“How about using metro?” you asked. “It is not so hard.”

“If you want,” Junmyeon hissed at you, holding the phone over his shoulder for a second. “You can try your chance, Indy. However, we are going to spend the night here. Safe and warm.”

“He is right.” Kyungsoo smiled at you. “I prefer to be warm and dry, sorry.”

You took a look at the team, and everyone was approving Kyungsoo’s words like they were bloody zealots.

“Okey, dumbasses.” you sighed in annoyance. “But we do not have even fucking pyjamas.”

“You can always take your clothes off.” Chanyeol winked at you. “Who says you need a pair of pyjamas to sleep?”

“Shut the fuck up, Chanyeol.” a sudden blush spread over your cheekbones, Chanyeol could not help but burst into laughs.

Baekhyun was determined to ignore you, but he could not help himself.

“Yeah, number one.” he muttered between his teeth, enough to be heard only by you. “Golden heart.”

Your chin was dropped for a few inches after hearing his annoyed voice tone and vindictive comment.

Could it be the reason of his unexpected coldness?

Could he be jealous of your invalid expressions and your fake list?

No way.

He could not be.

Your heart skipped the order of beats.

“Okey,” Junmyeon interrupted your thoughts. “We are going, if we are lucky, we will be in the hotel before the bloody snow will sweep down on us.”

“Let’s go!” Shinhye grabbed your hand, dragging you beside of herself. You submissively followed her footsteps; however, your mind was distracted by Baekhyun’s last words.

Could it be?

“This is heaven.” Jongdae rubbed his tummy. “Thank you, Jun!”

“No problem.” Junmyeon smiled and looked at all of you, to be honest, after a really good and delicious dinner, everyone was knocked out over the table.

Except you and Baekhyun.

“If you want you can go to your rooms.” Junmyeon said. “Since we were fortunate to find a single room for each of us, I do not think we have to play rock-paper-scissor.”

“Ah, having a room for myself.” Minseok laughed. “I do not have to hear your snorts, Junmyeon.”

They were sharing the same flat, everyone laughed after his teasing, Junmyeon too.

“Look who is talking.” he beamed. “I am so happy that I am going to have one night without your damn showering rituals.”

“Tell us about it.” Jongdae whined. “Pleeeassse.”

While Junmyeon and Minseok had been giving details of their flatmate stories to the team, making everyone to enjoy the environment, you were deeply sink into the pool of thoughts.

What a day, you thought. And why I feel like I am desperate?

Also, Baekhyun was not enjoying the unexpected banquet, instead he was quite enough to draw attention to himself. Chanyeol was on the verge of asking what the heck was wrong with him, but Kyungsoo kicked him under the table, pointed you with his eyes. Chanyeol’s wit quickly grabbed the matter, and he devilishly grinned.

You gave a hard day to Baekhyun, and he had no intention to change a thing between you and Baekhyun.

He always believed that you were secretly liking each other, but as you were nothing but stubborn bastards, you concealed your feelings towards each other.

Chanyeol definitely had zero motive to interrupt the fight between you, if it meant you would understand your mutual feelings.

Junmyeon also sensed the tension between you and Baekhyun, but he was not the type of persons who could wait on his corner.

“Baekhyun? Baekhyun!” Junmyeon called out him, waking him up. “How was your day? Why you guys are silent as dead?”

“We completed the task.” Baekhyun answered sourly, the corner of his mouth jumping downwards faintly. “As you assigned me and her.”

Baekhyun deliberately avoided using the pronoun of us.

“And it was a hell of task.” he continued. “I am so tired.”

“Even if you are fucking tired,” Jongdae raised a rejection. “You never shut your mouth, tell us what the heck is gnawing you?”

The bloody girl who sits next to you, Baekhyun thought but he was clever enough to keep the filter between his mouth and brain as valid.

“The girl I gave a promise for this night.” he forced himself to beam. “Because of this fucking weather, I have to arrange another meeting with her.”

Your heart churned, his reply had you wanting to slap your face. Harshly.

And you thought that he could be jealous because you named Chanyeol!

You were nothing but such an idiot.

An idiot who did not know a single piece of shit but acting so superior.

You were a goddamn idiot.

Chanyeol’s eyes narrowed after hearing Baekhyun’s shitty words, Kyungsoo wanted to punch Baekhyun’s face so bad, Junmyeon’s dislike of Baekhyun was obvious but he did not say anything, just sighed in desperation.

You felt nothing but another flash of pain as someone hit your abdomen.

“Are you okey, Indy?” Jongdae leaned over to you, whispering. You shook your head positively, smiling slightly. “You did not throw yourself into even desert.”

Your love for deserts was not a secret amongst your friends as Shinhye, sharing Jongdae’s concerns, handed you a bunch of cloudy puffs, filled with lemon cream. You took one of them, although you had no appetite, you forced yourself to eat the puff in order to put your friends at ease.

He was your biggest enemy and rival, right?

Why you were so devastated, almost on the verge of being hysterical?

You were not aware of you had been hypocritical with your feelings, and you were running away from your own heart. That’s why your hands were shaking, your heart was drumming into your ribs and aching as hell.

You were not ready to face with your heart, but you were also too naïve to save yourself from the pain it caused.

“Was he really harsh on you?” Jongdae murmured, his eyes was nothing but full of worries. “I am sure you could put him in his place but still…”

“He was not.” you said. “And you know me, nothing cheers me up but kicking his ass.”

“Glad to hear that.” Jongdae inhaled but the worries did not leave his face. “So why are you so down?”

“I am really tired today.” you sighed, tucking another puff into your mouth as you mentally punched your face in order to take the fucking control of yourself. “But if I will eat enough amount of these pastries, I will be like a bomb.”

“You are already like a bomb.” Minseok joined into the chat. “You look like on the verge of exploding.”

You unwillingly laughed at his damn right assumption.

“You know what?” you sniffed. “I am dying for a good drink. Would like to join me for a soju break?”

There was no single soul who could oppose to propose of grab a drink in your team. Jongdae jumped out of his chair, Shinhye was born ready and Minseok was the strongest drunkard.

“We are heading to the bar.” Minseok happily announced. “If you guys want to join, perfect, if not, good night to all.”

You were always impressed by the eagerness of Sejong Team to jump into any opportunity for a drink. Everyone, every single soul of this team, had a strong will to consume a respectable amount of alcohol. Less than a minute, everyone gathered up and headed to the elevators in order to visit the terrace of the hotel.

You had been wondering how rich Junmyeon was, even though he was a senior in college, or which kind of relations he had under his belt.

Jesus, you could not pay your attention during the dinner, however the hotel you had been staying was nothing but a touch of luxury. You had a strong guess on the payment bill of this place, however you preferred to keep it to yourself as you knew that Junmyeon did not like talking about the wealth lies beneath his fingertips.

But the bar was intimating.

Minseok, Jongdae and Kyungsoo were having a fierce conversation about the administrative offices of Roman Empire, Shinhye were with Junmyeon as they were talking on the next project that they aimed to present for the Head of Department. Chanyeol, only God knew how the heck he found that, was playing a guitar and you, as dwelling in an extremely comfortable armchair, tucked yourself into a blanket like a sushi roll, were enjoying the sudden calmness around yourself. The dim lights, from the chandeliers dangling from the ceiling, casting mirages across the hall, showing the wooden tables scattered between the chairs and beautiful, fresh cut flowers in their elegant vases.

It is not Korean but Chinese or Japanese, you thought, however with your bad eyesight, making an observation about the porcelain and its design was impossible. Also, you were a little bit slothful at the very moment to move your butt, you wanted to indulge in the soju you were holding, not anything else.

You felt a hand on your shoulder, warm but unfamiliar, your head jerked to face the owner of touch.

Baekhyun was looking at you, however his eyes were different from his usual self. There was no intention to mock with you, his eyes were clear as the snow drops that covering the streets right now.

“May I sit?” Baekhyun asked to you, catching you off guard with an unexpected kindness. You nod, feeling a sudden increase of the level of excitement, but kept your mouth shut. “Thank you.”

Thanking you? Byun Baekhyun?

You perked up, starting to prepare yourself for the fight, despite of the considerable amount of soju flowing in your veins, you were ready to guard yourself.

His elbow brushed your forearm when he was rolling his body in order to adjust the chair next to you.

You were shocked by the reaction your body gave to the moment, the only thing he did was sitting on a fucking chair, but your cheekbones were on fire.

His hips, damn his hips your inner voice was hysterically whispering in your head.

“May I ask to which muse I owe this honour?” you searched Baekhyun’s eyes for a glint of dismissiveness, however this was the very first time you have been the target of sincere, chocolate brown and deep irises.

“I have a question for you.” Baekhyun quickly ignored your offensive joke. “Why I am not in your list?”

He may as well have tossed you inside of a volcano, kicking you into the pool of lava, the impact would be the same. Your heart prompted to your stomach, they churned together, your throat and lungs tightened so bad, enough to cut your air by yourself.

You open your mouth, but nothing come out, just a bubble.

“I do not know how to translate that.” he sneered however you were at a loss. You could expect a lot of words from Byun Baekhyun but questioning the reason of his absence in your fucking list was not one of them.

“There is—” you bite your lower lip to stop yourself, you were on the verge of confessing that there was no list, you just tried to poke his ego, but thank God, you still had a piece of sanity to hold on. “I do not understand. Why do you care my list?”

Do I look like I fucking know? Baekhyun wanted to shake your cage, he wished nothing but screaming at you with all power he had in his lungs. He had no idea why he was mad at you, but he was out of rage and the only reason was you.

“Because I am curious.” he leaned his elbows onto his knees, cocking one eyebrow to you. “And what I hate most is being ignorant to a case.”

“I know.” you spoke without thinking, your mind was delving into the current problem you had in order to find a balanced answer, so you did not realize what you exactly said.

Unfortunately for you, Byun Baekhyun did not become your biggest rival by being blind or deaf.

His lips slightly curled upwards.

But the gentleman he could be, he did not corner you for the time being.

“So?”

It did not mean he would not try to push you in order to get what he wanted.

“Is there a rule saying that every human being has to be interested in you?”

You were not aware of it, but your voice was cracking, and your breathing became heavier, quickened and there was a sheen of sweet on your forehead.

To your dismay, Byun Baekhyun did not unconsciously mark you as his girl without studying you to the bits.

“Humanity is a different topic.” he widely smiled. “I wonder about you, sweetheart.”

Your breath stuck in your lungs because of the endearment, even though you were aware of his teasing of you.

“You are not my type, Byun.” you dead serious.

“Ah, your type is Chanyeol, right?” he smirked, turning his head to the tall brunette who indulged himself into the guitar. “Should we alert him to your interest in him?”

“Goddamn, no!” you hissed at him. What kind of trouble he was aiming to knit on your head? “Do you know the definition of privacy? You are invading personal boundaries, dumbass.”

“I do not think so.” Baekhyun shrugged his shoulder. “If you like Chanyeol, Chanyeol has the right of be aware of your interest.”

“Okey, even a scoundrel like you cannot be crossing the limit of respect like this.” you moved to stand up, giving the most dangerous look to Baekhyun. “I do not have to lis-

“Hey, Chanyeol!” Baekhyun called him with a high-pitched voice. Chanyeol lifted his head, distracted by the unexpected scream of Baekhyun.

“What?”

“Nothing!” your hand immediately tugged onto Baekhyun’s knee, squeezing it tightly in order to warn him. “You are playing so good, keep going!”

Chanyeol laughed at your words.

“You do not have to scream like that, Goddamnit.”

“Tell it to your friend.” you rolled your eyes back, fuming with anger but covering your face pretty well. You turned to Baekhyun, your eyes telling him that he was in serious danger if he was not going to shut his fucking mouth up.

Baekhyun did not care your silent warning, but your hand on his knee was a real distraction for him.

“I know that he is not your type.” he murmured, watching your hand, small, pale, and soft, Baekhyun did not want to confess but he wanted to latch your fingers to his. “Is it Kyungsoo?”

“Do I interrogate your preferences of girls, damn?” you literally gritted between your teeth. “Leave it.”

“I have no intention.” Baekhyun turned to Kyungsoo, narrowing his eyes. “Let’s ask if you are Kyungsoo’s type.”

“What the fuck are you, cupid?!” you grunted, and your hands moved without your consent. You grasped Baekhyun’s jawline, your fingertips were brushing his ears. “I said, leave it.”

“If you want to shut my mouth,” Baekhyun beamed, ignoring the fact that your touch meant for a lot than he could expect, he was going to think about it later. “Tell me why I am not in your list.”

“No one can desire someone like you!” you exploded. “An arrogant, dandy, selfish boy who does not know nothing but bringing trouble to others. That’s why you can never be in my list, even I have to choose between you and an octopus. For the records, I hate octopus, but I would go for it, if it means the other option is you.”

“Oh, you hurt me.” Baekhyun’s eyes glimmered with the sparks of unnamed feelings. He leaned forward, enough you to feel his breath fanning your lips. “You know what, sweetheart? You are so aggressive only when you have a secret which have to stay only in your head.”

“W-what?”

“I am definitely in that list.” Baekhyun claimed it with confidence, but it was just the appearance. Inside him, his heart was definitely shuttering, cracking into pieces, he had no control over himself, he could not understand his sudden behaviours. “I am in your list, if there is a list.”

Your eyes widened, and pupils blown up.

“Jesus.” you snorted. “When you lost your fucking mind?”

“You are a pretty bad liar.” Baekhyun was making assumptions out of his ass in order to get a reaction from you, he was not fucking sure if he was in the list or not, but everything he said actually rang the true bells.

“And you are a lunatic.” your intense eyes pinned him down, and the frowning lips caught your attention, but you forced to came back to your senses as soon as possible. “You will never be anything more than a lunatic.”

You attempted to stand up, but he was incredibly swift to catch your wrist, pressing you back to the armchair.

“Tell me, sweetheart.” he held your wrist for his dear life, caging you and to your disappointment, coming closer to your face, causing your ability of speaking to be faded immediately.

His godfuckingdamnit lips.

“You have been having doubts on me since the day we met, your driving force is giving me hard time.” his breathing was fanning your cheekbones. "Confess now, why are you pissed at me all the time?”

“Hell, you do talk like you are so different. Aren’t you the one who always finds a way to be trouble for me?” you raised one eyebrow, letting him to realize the game was reserved for two people. “If it means liking someone, since when you have been fallen in love over heels with me?”

“You have no idea how much I want to place your heels over my shoulders.”

Your chin was dropped, his words had you turning into a mummy who was trying to register into his remarkable sentence without a single brain cell.

You had to come up with the best answer you could give. You had to find the best response to him, and it had to be a perfect balance of sharpness, cockiness, and matureness as it had to be said with the resting bitch face.

And you heard your own voice.

“Ha?”

“You heard what I said.” Baekhyun intensively gazed at you, the proximity between your bodies had your body quivering and trembling at the same time and his fucking knee slightly, almost insensibly pushed your legs apart.

“You are really nonsensical, Baekhyun.” you inhaled, doing your best in order to ignore all the jolts all over your body, numbing your mind but also setting the skin on fire. Every time you said his name, Baekhyun felt something turning in his lower stomach. “What the fuck you want from me?”

“You did not name me in your list.” You could not believe your fucking eyes, more importantly, you could not believe you were still listening his gibberish like a kindergarten kiddo. “But, I am better than everyone else here.”

His voice dropped the slightest, making you shiver.

“Would you like me to prove it to you?”

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