#I have my own reasons why I don't ship them

[owenwillsons]

"if byler is endgame, why are they not canon yet?"

honestly, it's not a bad question. if they are going to be endgame, why wouldn't they have been made canon in season 4? or, at least, why wouldn't they have made mike's feelings explicit earlier? after all, mike's feelings for will, while obvious to bylers, remain subtextual even at the end of season 4. what is the point of making m!leven last for so long despite their obvious relationship troubles only for them to be broken up in season 5?

el and mike lasting for that long is meaningful - and it's not just for the sake of slow burn. each season represents a different facet of their relationship.

season 1: "m!leven is like a first love!"

season 2: "m!leven can survive through long distance!"

season 3: "m!leven is a classic teenage relationship!"

all the above is purposefully deconstructed in season 4. let me explain.

let's not go in order and start with my favourite season - season 2.

season 2: "m!leven can survive through long distance!"

i was clocked into byler from season 1 episode 1, but i can admit when a ship was cute, and m!leven was the cute as hell in season 2. not a coincidence that it's also the season where they spend virtually no time together.

the struggle throughout season 2 is that mike and el are separated. mike tries to reach her every single day - el wants to tell him that she's alive. that very simple tension makes their reunion genuinely heartwarming and one of my favourite scenes in the show.

season 4 has the same problem that is out of their control - distance. you would assume, having seen what distance does in season 2, that we'll see a similar thing play out in season 4.

of course, this doesn't happen. mostly because in season 2, when el is hiding something from him, it's not her choice. in season 4, when el hides the truth from mike, it is entirely of her own will.

in season 2, distance makes the heart grow fonder. el and mike don't spend all that much time alone together in season 1, and most of that time is taken up with trying to find will rather than spending time together. they kiss, of course, but after that they don't have time to find footing on what their relationship really is. all of that is to say that although mike wants el to be alive, more than that, he wants the idea of her to be alive. ignoring the glaring heteronormativity, he likes the idea of having a girlfriend, and he invents a narrative in his head for her.

no need for him to do that in season 4 - el invents the narrative for him! but this has entirely different consequences. unlike mike, the lies in el's narrative has consequences, and we see it play out in unfortunate high definition.

mike isn't exempt from this - he also invents a version of el in his head which is different from both the real el and the el that she invents for him, and it is of her being a superhero. before they reunite, mike talking about el references her powers - and during their fight about 'i love you', mike references it again, which turns out to be a mistake.

so a fact about m!leven established in season 2: the two can survive long distance. the subsequent dismantling of this so-called fact in season 4: the two cannot, in fact, survive long distance.

season 3: "m!leven is a classic teenage relationship!"

milkvans clown on bylers for saying that a teenage relationship is genuinely "toxic", and i will say that for season 3, this critique of byler analysis is valid. why do i say this? because in season 3, the "toxicity" of m!leven is compared to lumax, who we are supposed to take seriously in season 4.

both couples are mostly played for comedy in season 3 - teenage relationships that are not taken seriously for a reason.

their "breakup" isn't real. max compares it to her several breakups with lucas, and we're supposed to laugh it off.

the most serious tension between mike and el's relationship is the fact that mike hasn't said 'i love you' to her face yet - something which is not that serious in a teenage relationship, and is, in fact, played for laughs.

the only time it is truly taken seriously is at the end of season 3 when el says that she has heard mike say it, and she kisses him. leading him to make this face of absolute delight...

...leading into season 4, which deconstructs all these dismissals of m!leven's relationship.

firstly, mike's inability to say 'i love you' to el's face is no longer played as comedy - it is one of the primary tensions within their relationship. he can't write it in a letter and he can't say it to her face, even when el pretty much explicitly asks for it.

i think another layer of tension between the two is that mike still treats it as a teenage relationship, but el needs more than that. mike can sit down and seriously apologise - we see him do it with will. but in this scene, mike's approach to el lacks any subtlety that we know he can have (and we know finn can do as well).

to me, that is the biggest juxtaposition between lumax and m!leven in the jump from season 3 to season 4. lucas and max have a serious conversation from the get-go. despite their miscommunication, both of them take the relationship seriously, even if it makes them act differently. they switch between being silly teenagers into taking their relationship seriously - mike and el can't.

until...

ah yes, the love confession. let's talk about it.

on the surface, that completes the arc, right? he said 'i love you' to el to her face and we can all go home now? even if we take the love confession at complete face value, ignoring what i believe are lies and straight up piggybacking from will's monologue, i have two problems with that.

firstly, as many have pointed out - where's the conversation after? the two of them barely interact after this scene, except for when el is leaning her head on mike's shoulder in the hospital. if they are endgame, you would normally get this big, dramatic scene, and then a quieter, more private scene with the two of them with mike confirming everything he said with apologies, and a kiss between the two of them. instead, we get mike telling will that she's barely talked to him since they got back to hawkins. the arc is not over.

secondly - and this may be more of a personal opinion - but weird time for that arc to end. within the season, sure, but within the show?if i was writing the endgame ship, i would save the dramatic love confession for the final scene of the show, not the season. have the troubles last for one more season, and get that satisfying resolution in el's final fight, and make the first 'i love you' mean that much more. you get me?

all of that to say... it isn't over yet. we have proof that mike can say 'i love you' to el in the dramatic moments, but can he say 'i love you' and mean it in the quiet moments too?

overall, season 3 presents m!leven as a classic teenage relationship. season 4 shows that they can't be anything more.

let's go back to the beginning.

season 1: "m!leven is like a first love!"

season 1 is the best stranger things season because, unlike the other seasons, it had nothing to prove. the fact that it works as a standalone season allowed it to become a cultural sensation almost overnight.

that is also why it is harder to talk about when discussing intentional overarching arcs. while i'm sure the duffers had a plan for the show's potential renewal, they also had to keep in mind that it could've been a one-season wonder. that being said, there were things established - and there is no better place to look than the montauk show bible - aka, the pitch booklet for the original show. so from the beginning, were they established to be like a first love?

"if mike is the elliot of our show, eleven is our e.t."

obviously, this comparison isn't exactly the most romantic. while an initial pitch, this parallel is seen in the final product with mike hiding el and eventually dressing her up. but maybe this is unfair, because the booklet also says...

"he has never had a first kiss, much less a girlfriend...he will discover a courage he didn't know he had. by the end, he will even kiss a girl."

i do think that even within a potential one-season show, there was an intention of portraying an awkward but cute first kiss and first relationship. i will note, however, that nancy's description explicitly says, "with [jonathan's] help, she will experience love for the first time", saying the l-word that mike's description is missing.

in season 4, the love confession begins with references to season 1.

"i feel like my life started that day we found you in the woods...and i knew right then and there, in that moment, that i loved you"

this feels like a complete retcon of reality - which is crazy because in season 1, there are other better m!leven moments that can be referenced? their first kiss, mike giving his watch, mike doing el's makeup, el coming out in the dress and mike calling her pretty for the first time...

then they show the moment - and mike does not look in love.

this is the only flashback they show. compare that to max's several flashbacks with lucas when she is trying to escape vecna, and that seems purposeful.

your first thought might be "well, it was easier for mike to say the first time he saw her because love at first sight". but that's exactly it - he said what was easy to say. he didn't actually put the most effort into thinking of the real first time he fell in love with her - which is also a problem, because that shouldn't be an effort. he should just know.

i don't think mike was deliberately lying. el clearly needed someone to say something, and will was encouraging him to say something. love at first sight is a well-known trope...and that's the problem. if he's inventing a narrative for what their relationship looks like, it's an easy thing to sprinkle in because it's his idea of an ideal relationship.

max didn't fall in love with lucas at first sight, and neither did nancy and jonathan or joyce and hopper. it's okay if el and mike didn't fall in love at first sight - but the fact that mike says it when it is factually untrue is meaningful.

so, unlike the other seasons, season 4 is the season that tells us that mike and el are each other's first loves, fated at first sight - but if we go back to season 1, it shows us that they did not fall in love at first sight. if mike isn't telling the truth there, what else is he lying about?

[trippingontheescalator]

Here is my completely unasked for opinions on Snape ships:

Jeverus - Love it, but only after James is made to crawl on his belly and eat dust. If he isn't sufficiently beaten down or if Severus forgives him too early then I can't. James needs the ego knocked out of him first, he needs to be broken down and rebuilt and THEN I love it.

Snirius - Also love it. Completely different energy from jeverus, in that I need James to be a contrite simp who realizes the error of his ways, Sirius on the other hand is a bastard and so is Severus, and them trading blows and insults between kisses is just 😘

Snily - Honestly like it, but only when Lily has genuine flaws that she has to work through in the text as well. I'm not interested in perfect Lily and simp Severus who must flagellate himself to he worthy of her love. But when they're written as two people with a lot of history and complicated, flawed beings? Beautiful.

Snupin - Dislike. I can write snupin in short spurts but every time I tried to write a long snupin fic Remus slowly morphs into a passive aggressive, gaslighting, "Oh my friends weren't so bad, you're exagerrating, I need to downplay your pain because my school days were the last time I really enjoyed my life and if I take my rose-tinted glasses off I will have to examine my own actions and guilt and be forced to take responsibility and acknowledge that not every bad thing I've done can be blamed on the wolf, nor can I insulate my feelings by blaming other people's prejudice against lycanthropy as a reason for why they might not like me instead of acknowledging that maybe I'm not actually that nice of a guy." SORRY.

Snucius - Unironically love Lucius having sugar baby Severus to spoil.

Snucissa - What's better than one hot, rich blond? TWO hot, rich blondes. Death Eaters, you say? Morally dubious at the best of times, you say? Yes, perfect, I crave gothic, crumbling aristocracy, the beautiful decadence that masks our sins, and yet still loving throuple snucissa.

Snarity - It all depends on the Charity. She's basically an OC since we don't know anything about her in canon, except that she had the balls to tell Death Eaters they suck in a major newspaper when the Death Eater activity was extremely high and that she and Severus were friends. I can get behind this with a well-written and interesting Charity 👍

Snarry/Snamione - Not a fan at all. Even if there's no romantic relationship until Harry and Hermione are like 40, I can't see Severus ever acknowledging them as anything but those annoying kids who made his life hell. Every time he sees them the Kill Bill sirens start playing in his head. Harry could be 60 years old and Severus 80 years, and Severus would be like, "Shut the fuck up, you snuck out of the castle and went to Hogsmeade when we all thought a serial killer was out to get you, I have a heart condition because of you, get out of my nursing home before I throw my dentures at you."

Snon - Only in A Very Potter Musical.

Snumbledore- Only in Potter Puppet Pals.

[otakusheep15]

Twisted Wonderland Queer Headcanons - Updated!

Happy Pride Month everyone! In honor of this month, I wanted to do an update on one of my first Twisted Wonderland posts. Not a whole lot has changed for me, but I wanted to flesh my headcanons out, and I also wanted to talk more about my ships as well (minus ships involving Yuu)! This will definitely be a longer post that's mainly just me ranting, but it's Pride Month and I can do what I want >:)

Riddle Rosehearts

Riddle is genderfluid (pronouns he/she/they) and unlabeled. Growing up so sheltered, Riddle didn't know much about queer identities, so his first experience with anything of the sort was NRC. A lot of people at NRC are very open about their identities, and Riddle learned a lot throughout his first year. He started questioning his own gender around the midway point of his first year. The Heartslabyul dorm uniform and makeup are already rather androgynous, but he found himself enjoying the more feminine aspects of the look. It didn't set in immediately, and he definitely did not have the terminology to describe how he was feeling, but after some research and some (albiet awkward) talks with Cater and Trey, he discovered genderfluidity. He denied it at first, but the more he thought about it, the more he liked it. As of his second year, he's only out to Trey and Cater, but that's enough for him right now. As for sexuality, Riddle doesn't really have a label for it. He's unsure about attraction in general, and he hasn't spared much thought towards it. For now, he just considers himself unlabeled.

My favorite ship for Riddle (and my favorite Twst ship in general) is him and Cater. I just adore their dynamic, especially in Book 2. There isn't a whole lot of content for them, but I'm obsessed. Other ships I like include Riddle x Azul, Riddle x Che'nya, and Riddle x Ace.

Ace Trappola

Ace is still questioning. He knows for a fact he likes women, but he never really considered the possibility of being attracted to men before. But then he gets to NRC, and suddenly that changes. There isn't one person in particular he has a "gay awakening" with, but a mix of people who slowly make him realize he might like men. He doesn't fully know if he actually likes guys, or if he's just in close proximily with a bunch of attractive rich people, but he's figuring himself out. The first person he ever told about this was Deuce, who was very supportive. He told Yuu and Grim the next day, and Trey and Cater kind of sussed him out pretty quickly. It's a constant crisis for him, but he's doing his best.

My favorite ship for Ace is him and Deuce. It's a no-brainer for me to like them. They go through a lot together, and despite the constant bickering, they are close. Plus, they have a cute dymanic that suits them both well. Other ships I like include Ace x Riddle, Ace x Sebek, and Ace x Epel.

Deuce Spade

Deuce is gay and trans ftm (pronouns he/him). He knew he was a boy very early on in his life, and his family was very supportive of him. Growing up, he felt like he had to be as masculine as possible in order to be seen as a "real man", which is part of the reason why he became such a delinquent. However, after many talks with his mother, he realized that men can still be nice and don't have to rely on anger and toughness to be men, which is another reason he was compelled to become an honor student. As for his sexuality, he realized he was gay almost embarrassingly late. Between his middle school delinquency and his high school studies, he just never really sat down and thought about it. Then one day it just clicks while he's helping Ace with his own sexuality crisis. Ace makes fun of him of course, but he's supportive nonetheless. Besides Ace, Yuu and Grim know, as well as Trey, Cater, and Riddle. He's currently hyping himself up to tell the rest of his first-year friends. Unlike his sexuality though, he is very open about the fact that he's trans, and everyone he speaks to regularly knows.

My favorite ship for Deuce is him and Epel. Their bonding during Book 5 means the world to me. They are also such a t4t power couple. They have a lot of common interests, and they get along very well despite their intense personalities. Other ships I like include Deuce x Ace and Deuce x Jack.

Trey Clover

Trey is pansexual. He constantly hears "pan" jokesfrom Cater, but he's gotten used to them. He never really had an "awakening" moment or anything, but Cater (and his constant online-ness) introduced him to the specific label. Trey has never been one to focus on gender. He's had crushes on all sorts of people of every gender, both small crushes and more serious ones. He doesn't talk about it much on his own, but it's one of those facts that everyone just sort of knows anyway. He's also the one people will regularly go to for advice on their own sexuality, and despite his constant worries that he's not very helpful, he's actually pretty insightful. He's also the source of a lot of underclassmens' gay awakenings, and he's really not sure why.

My favorite ship for Trey is him and Cater. They're my go-to for angst, as they have a very tragic dynamic I really love. I think they have a lot of potential, but there's always that one boundary keeping them separated. Other ships I like include Trey x Rook, Trey x Jade, and Trey x Vil.

Cater Diamond

Cater is nonbinary (pronouns they/he), bisexual, and demimantic. He definitely knew all of this from an early age. Being chronically online helped a lot with figuring out labels, which they're grateful for. They went into NRC knowing how they identified, and he is very open about his experiences. Depsite being nonbinary and enjoying some feminine things, Cater does generally prefer to be percieved as masculine, as they still have a complicated relationship with femininity thanks to his sisters. As for their sexuality, Cater has always been open with the fact that he likes men and women, and will actively hit on anyone he thinks is cute. However, a lot of people don't know that he's also demiromantic, and he wants to keep it that way. Cater does, on some level, desire close relationships, and that includes romance. However, much like friendhsip, they see that as an impossibility. They reduce themself to casual flings here and there, knowing the likelyhood of finding someone serious is slim.

My favorite ship for Cater is him and Riddle. As I stated before, they are my favorite ship in all of Twisted Wonderland. If anyone wants a cute fic for them, I highly suggest Nearly Falling by whimsicott on ao3. It's a beautiful fic. Other ships I like include Cater x Trey, Cater x Idia, and Cater x Leona.

Leona Kingscholar

Leona is bisexual, aromantic, and trans mtf (she/he). She genuinely does not care about labels, but people kept asking so she just chose these and is sticking with them. None of these labels are 100% accurate for her, but she isn't a fan of microlabels, so she just uses the general spectrums to describe her feelings. He never had any sort-of awakening for his gender or sexuality; it just popped into his head one day and he decided to roll with it. He's plenty comfortable with his sexuality and gender, but he doesn't talk about it much. If someone asks, she'll begrudgingly explain if she tolerates them enough. If not, he'll just shut them down and walk away. He's technically out to everyone, but only because she's too unbothered to try and hide it. The only people who don't really know are her family, but that's because she never wants to talk to them about this sort of thing.

My favorite ship for Leona is him and Malleus. They are objectively hilarious together, and they definitely insult each other as a form of flirting. They bicker like they hate each other, but they're also insane about each other. Other ships I like include Leona x Vil, Leona x Idia, and Leona x Cater.

Ruggie Bucchi

Ruggie is bisexual and trans ftm (pronouns they/he). They never had an issue with their sexuality or gender. For a while, he did kind of push it off to the side because they had more important things to focus on, but he eventually found time to sit down and think about it. After that, he never thought about it much again. It's not something Ruggie speaks of often, but he's not secretive about it either. If someone asks, they'll tell. Being bisexual is definitely fun for him, as he's very comfortable flirting with people for discounts and freebies. While not on the aroace spectrum, Ruggie is still picky about relationships overall, as they have so little free time to spend with a partner. It's hard for him to fall in love because of this, but he still finds himself being attracted to people fairly often.

My favorite ship for Ruggie is him and Kalim. I have been their biggest fan since day one, and I absolutely adore their dynamic. They have such a surprisngly sweet friendship, and I can see a lot of ways in which it can blossom into romance as they get older. Other ships I like include Ruggie x Riddle and Ruggie x Silver.

Jack Howl

Jack is gay and demisexual/romantic. Romance and sex have never been at the forefront of his mind, even as he started going through puberty. Hearing his middle school classmates talk about relationships always made him feel weird, and even now in high school he still struggles to understand. The closest he's come to understanding them is one time when he had a crush on a boy in middle school who happened to be a friend of his. That's the only crush he's ever had. Jack kind of figured out he was gay pretty early on in his life, but demisexual/romantic are more recent labels. He's not entirely used to them, and he'll usually default to gay if someone asks, but he likes the labels.

My favorite ship for Jack is him and Sebek. They are very underrated, but they're so cute. Definite workout buddies for sure. I also like the loud x quiet dynamic they have. Other ships I like include Jack x Epel and Jack x Deuce.

Azul Ashengrotto

Azul is trans ftm (pronouns he/him) and unlabeled. Body dysmorphia mixed with dysphoria is never a good combination, especially for someone like Azul. Growing up was difficult for him, even with the unconditional support of his family and the Tweels. He's very insecure about being trans, and he prefers that people don't know. He's 100% stealth, and only the Tweels know. Even though he knows other people who are trans, he's jealous of their confidence in their identities, so he keeps quiet. As for his sexuality, he has no clue. He's too focused on his business to care much about relationships, so he doesn't bother. If anyone asks, he just redirects the question to avoid answering.

My favorite ship for Azul is him and Riddle. They are so academic rivals to lovers and I'm insane about it. I also think Azul would love introducing Riddle to his family and showing him what a loving support system looks like. Other ships I like include Azul x Jamil, Azul x Floyd, and Azul x Idia.

Jade Leech

Jade is nonbinary (pronouns they/them) and aroace. They are genuinely so unbothered when it comes to gender or relationships. Genuinely could not care any less about either. They realized they were aroace first, as they never had much interests in dating, even when everyone else in their class seemed to. Nonbinary happened later on, as they don't experience much dysphoria. At first, they just assumed they prefered a more androgynous style, but after a bit of research, they found the nonbinary label and liked it. They haven't done much to change their appearance, as they like how they look just fine. They also don't particularly care who knows or doesn't.

(Queerplatonic) My favorite ship for Jade is them and Ruggie. A rarepair for sure, but they have a cute dynamic that I know intimidates most people. They are so chaotic together. Other ships I like include Jade x Trey, Jade x Riddle, and Jade x Kalim.

Floyd Leech

Floyd is genderfluid (any pronouns) and bisexual. He collects pronouns like Pokemon. He will use he, she, they, it, and basically any neo he comes across. Overall, he prefers he, as that's what people tend to default to, but any is fine. Never once had a gender crisis, which makes Azul crash out on the regular because HOW? Similarly, he also never had much of a sexuality crisis. Everyone is hot and that's it. Floyd does have a small preference for men, but everyone is on the table in his opinion. Very open and loud about this information, and will gladly tell anyone who asks.

My favorite ship for Floyd is him and Kalim. Their energy is unmatched and unhinged. They cannot be stopped, and they give Azul and Jamil headaches on the daily. No one is safe from their chaos. Other ships I like include Floyd x Azul and Floyd x Jamil.

Kalim al-Asim

Kalim is omnisexual. He likes all genders, and he's known this since he was young. The way he experiences attraction differs between genders, and his level of attraction for each fluctuates day-to-day. On most days, he says he prefers men, but some days that changes. He isn't one to bring up his sexuality very often, but he will gladly explain if asked. It's not that he's shy or unsecure about it; he just doesn't feel much need to talk about it since it's so normal to him. To him, it's just another part of who he is.

My favorite ship for Kalim is him and Ruggie. They are so silly, and they have a lot of potential as a ship. Please go read the anthology manga if you also ship them because they have a shocking about of interactions, all of which are so cute. Other ships I like include Kalim x Floyd, Kalim x Jade, and Kalim x Silver.

Jamil Viper

Jamil is transmasc (pronouns he/they) and aroace. They are not 100% aroace, but they don't particularly care about microlabels, so they just leave it at that. Relationships and sex are not important to him, but he's also open to the possibility of developing a relationship with someone in the future. As for gender, it was a complicated process. For a while, he ignored his dysphoria, as he didn't want to to impede on his work. However, Kalim sussed them out quickly, as they were obviously struggling with something. Everyone was supportive of his transition - which shocked him - as it allowed him to concentrate better without worrying as much about dysphoria. He's stealth for the most part, but if he's close enough with someone, they'll open up about it.

My favorite ship for Jamil is him and Azul. Their dynamic his so silly, and I am fully convinced Azul has a one-sided crush on Jamil. It's more of a crackship for me, but it's still iconic. Other ships I like include Jamil x Floyd, Jamil x Silver, and Jamil x Ruggie.

Vil Schoenheit

Vil is queer. That's pretty much the extent of it for him. He's not straight, but no label fits quite right. When asked, he fluctuated between saying he's unlabeled and saying he's queer. It mostly depends on the person and how he's feeling that day. He's fairly open about this, both in person and with his fans, as he doesn't see the need to keep it quiet. Vil is also pretty neutral about pronouns, to a certain extent. He prefers he/him and identifies as a man, but if someone refers to him with another set of pronouns, he won't mind. If he's doing a more feminine look for a photoshoot or movie, he doesn't mind if someone uses she/her because it's basically the same as using she/her for a drag queen, in his opinion.

My favorite ship for Vil is him and Rook. I'm not a big fan of either of them individually, but even I have to admit that their dynamic is unmatched. They are genuinely so married and it's not even funny. Other ships I like include Vil x Leona, Vil x Idia, and Vil x Cater.

Rook Hunt

Rook is on both the pan and aroace spectrums. Gender is the last thing on his mind when it comes to attraction. He experiences aesthetic attraction that is seperate from romantic or sexual attraction. He is able to find beauty in everyone, and he is very vocal about this. People often mistake his compliments for attraction, but he doesn't fault them. He is also pan, as whenever he does feel sexual and/or romantic attraction towards someone, their gender has nothing to do with it. To him, beauty comes from with in, and that's all he considers. He is very open about this, but he's not very good at explaining it in a way that makes sense to most people, so a lot of people tend to misunderstand him.

My favorite ship for Rook is him and Vil. Once again, they have been married for 25 years and they are so in love. I honestly have so many feelings about them and yet I cannot put any of them into words. Other ships I like include Rook x Trey and Rook x Jade.

Epel Felmier

Epel is trams ftm (pronouns he/him) and questioning. Epel and gender have a very complicated relationship. He knew he was trans from a very young age, and dysphoria hit him hard. Even the slightest mentions of femininity send him into a dysphoric depression that can last for days at best and months at worst. Getting into NRC was a dream at first, as it's an all-boys school. However, getting sorted into Pomefiore was a gut punch for him, as that's the most (in his mind) traditionally feminine dorm. It's especially bad now that he had Vil on his back 24/7 trying to make him act in a way that contradicts who he is. It's been getting better, but he still had bad days in which he gets especially pissed off with everyone. As for his sexuality, Epel hasn't even bothered thinking about it. He's far too focused on his gender to even think about who he's attracted to or what label to use on himself.

My favorite ship with Epel is him and Deuce. They are so t4t to me like I said before. I think Deuce could help Epel out a lot with his dysphoria in a way that no one else could. Other ships I like include Epel x Jack, Epel x Ace, and Epel x Riddle.

Idia Shroud

Idia is unlabeled (they/them) and demisexual/romantic. The gender binary confuses Idia and they genuinely do not care to understand it. To them, it's a waste of time, and they're much more comfortable being off the binary. That being said, they also have no interest in choosing any specific label for their gender, so they just tell people to use they/them and leaves it at that. Their sexuality is a bit easier to explain, as they're both demisexual and demiromantic. The idea of being even remotely attracted to a total stranger makes them want to vomit, but the idea of falling in love with a close friend gives them butterflies.

My favorite ship with Idia is him and Malleus. They are so funny to me in a way I cannot fully explain, especially after Book 7. I just love the dynamic of a technological genuis/shut-in and an immortal fae prince with no understanding of modern technology. Other ships I like include Idia x Cater, Idia x Azul, and Idia x Vil.

Ortho Shroud

Ortho is unlabeled on all accounts. Idia didn't program him with any specific gender or sexuality in mind, especially considering how young he is (mentally). Ortho will usually respond to any pronouns used, but tends to default to he/him for convenience. That being said, if the original Ortho were still alive, they would use he/they pronouns and would be bisexual.

No ships with Ortho as he is a child. However, my favorite platonic/familial relationships include Ortho and Idia (obviously), Ortho and Vil, and Ortho and the first years.

Malleus Draconia

Malleus is agender (pronouns they/them) and cupiosexual/romantic. Techinally, fae experience gender differently than humans, so Malleus's gender is actually a bit more complicated. That being said, they like this label and will most commonly use it when describing their feelings to humans and other non-fae. As for sexuality, Malleus has complicated feelings on the matter. They yearn for romantic love and sexual desire. They want to be wanted by someone like they've heard about in stories. And yet, they have never once felt that way towards someone else. It doesn't help that most everyone around them tend to cower in fear at the mere mention of their name. If they do eventually find someone, they would love to experience romance, even if they end up disliking it.

My favorite ship with Malleus is him and Idia. They're both so awkward and inexperienced when it comes to relationships, so I think they would feel very comfortable exploring their firsts with each other. Other ships I like include Malleus x Leona, Malleus x Cater, and Malleus x Vil.

Lilia Vanrouge

Lilia is bisexual, on the aroace spectrum, and unlabeled (any pronouns). We love a canon bisexual. Obviously he was in love with both Maleanor and Raverne. After them, however, he never really had an interest in sex or romance. Has he felt attraction to people before? Sure, probably. Has he actively pursued anyone since their deaths? No, absolutely not. This because especially true once Malleus was in his care, as he ended up spending all of his time caring for him. As for gender, Lilia genuinely does not care. People usually default to he/him, but if someone uses a different set, he enjoys it. Sometimes he even prefers it, depending on his mood.

My favorite ship for Lilia is him, Maleanor, and Raverne. They are the original angsty bisexual polycule and that's very iconic of them. Lilia fans love angst, and they put all of that angst into their fanfics, which I love. I wasn't initially on board with the ship, but I've come around to it. No other ships with Lilia.

Silver Vanrouge

Silver is trans ftm (pronouns he/him) and questioning. He came out as trans at a very early age, mostly with the help of Lilia's observational skills. Silver himself was pretty oblivious to his own feelings until Lilia pointed out how he preferred to present more masculinely. After that, he began his transition. By the time he reached NRC, he was fully transitioned, and he experiences very little dysphoria now. Sometimes he does, especially when someone refers to him with more feminine compliments or terms, but that happens very rarely. As for his sexuality, Silver never really thought about it until he started high school. He never really lived around people enough to develop crushes or ideas about different labels, so coming to NRC really opened his eyes. He's still thinking about it, but it's not much of a struggle for him like some other people. In his mind, he'll know when he knows and he doesn't feel the need to be anxious about it.

My favorite ship for Silver is him and Kalim. They are so sunshine and moonlight to me. Both radient and beautiful, but in different ways. They are also another perfect example of introvert x extrovert. They also both love animals, which is a cute detail too. Other ships I like include Silver x Idia and Silver x Ruggie.

Sebek Vigvolt

Sebek is bisexual. It took him a little bit to come to terms with, but he has a good support system, so it didn't take him very long. He's not the most open about it, but he will gladly start yapping the second anyone asks. He will absolutely be that social justice warrior stereotype who will yell at someone for any negative comment, even if its a small one. So many arguments, even if the person was just joking. It's cute, but it can also get a bit annoying considering how loud he is. On the bright side, everyone knows how much he's willing to defend his and others' identities. Plus, Lilia and Malleus are very proud of him too.

My favorite ship for Sebek is him and Jack. Like I said before, they're just so cute. They are so similar and yet so different in a way that makes for a silly dynamic. I also think that it would be very unexpected among their friendgroup, which would make for some funny reactions. Other ships I like include Sebek x Ace and Sebek x Epel.

[stars-stories-songs-and-sehnsuch]

I find it uncanny how much I agree with every one of your points. XD

#I haven't really proofread this but here it is #If one can't guess based on the amount I wrote of each #I actually like Cress and Thorne second best #to my own surprise #Maybe I just really want to believe someone like Thorne can change and grow #From a Christian perspective I *know* it's possible but you know? #Cinder and Kai are awesome and I love how they eventually admitted they liked each other without drama #Scarlet and Wolf just liked each other *too* well (too physically and definitely too fast) for it to be believable for me I guess

Starting at the bottom with your tags-- YES.

The way each of the romances are written honestly makes it seem like the author had trouble with writing *developing* relationships, and wanted to get straight to writing *established* ones as quickly as possible (which may be why Winter and Jacin came across as more well-done and believable than their counterparts; their relationship *has* already been established, it's just changing gears. You get a sense of history and familiarity that (for obvious reasons) you don't get with any of the other couples).

I guess that's one reason why Scarlet was so frustrating for me, in retrospect-- because I do *really* like Scarlet and Wolf in the later books (which I guess would mostly mean Winter, since they were separated during most of Cress). They're the couple that seems most focused on permanence, on faithfulness, on the eventual goal of marriage (which, funnily enough when contraposed to their rushed impulsiveness in Scarlet, isn't portrayed as a matter of mere emotions as much as it's a matter of out-of-everyone-else-I-choose-you).

Cinder and Kai are certainly my favourite TLC ship-- partly because I have a special affection for Cinderella stories, partly because I find Cinder to be a more levelheaded and relatable protagonist than any of the other girls; but mostly because Cinder and Kai's romance didn't really feel like a romance-- it felt like the *groundwork* for one. Granted, they didn't spend much time face-to-face, so they didn't really have a chance to have an on-page romance like the others-- and maybe if they had, I might've liked them less-- but as it is, I think their story works pretty well. The door is open for possibilities down the road, both are aware of the other's feelings, the safeties of their homelands are secured, and almost nobody died in the process.

As for Cress and Thorne . . . See, my biggest criticism of TLC is the lack of robust character arcs. Granted, it's a fairy tale retelling, so the characters can't be expected to change too much-- and for some characters, that works. Winter never changes as a person, because she's an actively passive protagonist. Her story hinges around her-- not even her actions, per se; just her. It makes sense for her to be an unchanging character, because *she* compels *other* characters' actions. For characters like Cress and Thorne, though, change isn't an option. When you start out where either of them started, you have *got* to change and learn and grow as a character-- otherwise you're just plain blind (pun intended) or purposefully refusing to learn from your mistakes, because you *will* make them. I'll admit, for the page time that was available to it, good use was made of the "seeing things as they truly are" theme (what with Cress being a shell; Thorne going blind; Cress being Thorne's "eyes" and showing him how she saw the world; Cress having to learn to see things through the lens of reality, rather than her romanticisings; Thorne deciding to strive to be the version of himself that Cress saw (I agree with your points on that, by the way), etc.). However . . . to end things where they are and call that the Happy Ending we've been waiting for just isn't honest. A Happy Beginning, rather, perhaps. (Though using a make-out session as a Simple Way To Resolve All The Things was probably not the best way to go about it . . .)

(And I am ABSOLUTELY on the same page as you in regards to Thorne's introduction; that frustrated me so much.)

Out of curiosity, which lunar chronicles romance are you iffy on?

This took me longer than I meant it to, but first I want to clarify that I am not talking about anything from Fairest, which is a book that I wish I could scrub from my brain. 

The one I’m iffy on is Scarlet and Wolf—except I love their wedding and it’s not like I don’t like them together, it’s just the development of the romance felt more forced. And much more about physical attraction than their personalities. Actually, by the time of their wedding my problems with it are pretty much gone, so maybe it really is just that book I have issues with. Maybe it’s time for a reread of the series (I say that a lot, but in this case I’ve only read them all the way through once, so it might be true). 

Just going on memory, Scarlet’s personality is clear from the first page, but Wolf (understandably, considering this is Little Red Riding Hood we’re retelling here) is more of an enigma. The chance to get to know him isn’t really there in Scarlet (the book) for either Scarlet (the character) or for the reader. It’s the most sensual of all the romances, but without as much of the groundwork that comes from actually getting to know each other.  contrast that with Cinder and Kai, who (again, I’m going from memory) are each very concerned with who the other is as a person—maybe more so than anyone else around them. This strengthens the attraction, which starts out like a simple crush on both sides. The fact that she’s actually being treated like a person is huge for Cinder, of course, but she in turn tends to treat him like a person first and the prince (then the emperor) second, just as Kai seems to want most.  Now for Cress and Thorne

Confession: I HATED the beginning of Scarlet in particular because of Thorne’s intro. I hated him so much that I nearly didn’t finish the book or read the rest of the series. (It was the “naughty pictures” combined with the lack of shame over it. I have particular reasons to hate that, which I won’t go over here.)

After that part was over though it became easier to view him as a more typical generally roguish type without dwelling on the wannabe womanizer side of him, and yes I grew to like him against my will. 

I think it’s interesting that Cress didn’t like him at first either, before digging deeper and learning his alleged reasons for doing the things he did. (Oh, I groaned so much at that part where she romanticized his antics, especially the incident with the tiger). She is naive but by the time he tries to be honest about those incidents to dispel her crush… she’s still stuck on him. Even after getting a glimpse at the real him, she still ends up trying to see the best in him.  But the moment I really started rooting for their relationship is this part where Thorne is talking to Kai in Winter:

Thorne glared at him. “Whatever, Doctor. It’s just, when Cress thought she was in love with me, she was actually in love with this other guy she’d made up in her head, who was all brave and selfless and stuff. I mean, he was a real catch, so who could blame her? Even I liked that guy. I kind of wish I was that guy.” He shrugged.

“Are you so sure you’re not?”

Thorne laughed.

Kai didn’t.

“You’re kidding, right?”

“Not really.”

“Um, hi, I’m Carswell Thorne, a convicted criminal in your country. Have we met?”

Kai rolled his eyes. “I’m saying maybe you should stop putting so much energy into lamenting the fact that Cress was wrong about you, and start putting your energy into proving her right, instead.”

Because I see it as him trying to change not to win Cress (despite what he says to Kai, I think he already suspects he has only to pay special attention to Cress and she’d fall for him again) but aiming to become the kind of person she thought he was because he wants to be that person. Could he use another whole book’s worth of development? Yes, and in an adult novel maybe we’d get more, but things have to wrap up because this is the end of the series and I already get the sense that the author had less room to wrap the stories up than she wanted.

I’ve talked about all the others and I can’t just leave out Winter and Jacin

All right, so I’m a sucker for the friends to lovers dynamic when done well and I do think this one was done pretty well. They may be my favorite TLC ship. You get such a sense of history between them, and even though it’s again more sensual than I like, there’s at least a lot of groundwork laid here. More than that though, at different points they display a sacrificial love which goes beyond affection, attraction, or desire.

[crimsonlovebartylus]

I, personally, feel that two ships could coexist in the same fandom using one of the characters for different partners if some of the fans weren't such entitled bitches and comment shit on post that have nothing to do with say ship.

in order to coexist in a fandom, you have to be respectful of others people HC's or ships. like you can't consistently shit on someone ship and expect for people to not talk shit about yours. it's all about being respectful - I don't believe writers/artists (or editing) enjoy consistently receiving underneath their work comments like: "oh this is so beautiful but i prefer (ship name)" or "this (ship name) doesn't make sense, but nice writing".

I've seen people comment on others blog post, shit like, "I don't agree with you, but nice try." there shouldn't be a need for such a condescending comment. If you don't agree, cool. Stay quiet, and mind your business. If you don't ship two characters, than cool, stay quiet.

and there should also be no need for someone to send anonymous hate to someone because they don't particularly like a ship or they use their blog to talk about about their dislike. If you don't agree with the person, just unfollow them.

Coexisting in a fandom is about being respectful and just enjoying the content without it becoming some fan war or a ploy to make someone feel like crap for not enjoying the same ship as you.

You could most definitely like a different ship and still be respectful to the people in the fandom. Like for an example, I absolutely love Bartylus and I am moots with many that prefer Jegulus & Rosekiller - but I take the time to enjoy my moots content and writing and see their POV of how say ship works for them. They respect my post about Bartylus and we coexist in a fandom.

It's that easy. <3

[niightniines]

isn't it so weird that Misa Amane was kidnapped by L against her will, tortured and confined for seven weeks, and almost killed herself because of it, but nobody who ships Lawmane talks about it because I guess they don't want to recognize the parts of their ship that are a little fucked up? like ok what happened to "I'll never ship yagamane even in au context because it's just too toxic!" alright then do that for other ships too.

[gilgil-machine]

I wish some people never had access to internet at all...

TW assault, TW r*pe

[ossy-serenity]

i entirely agree with what you have said and wanted to add onto some points

for point 4 that one of the most open-minded thing kevin probably did in relation to alien life came in Inferno when the trio was informed of the utility of Pyroxovores

Gwen: You eat them? Mouldywarp (chuckles): 'course I eats them, they're my herd. Now, who want's barbecue? Ben and Gwen: Eww! Kevin: Now that you mention it, I haven't had anything all day! Gwen: (elbows Kevin) Kevin: Oww! Ben: (starts laughing) Kevin: What?

and he gets punished and laughed at for it when through the whole episode was in danger around them

kevin even went after ben to try to help him!

and then there goes ben again to put that fence for `em and be considered the hero after stupidly jumping at the herd

there could be also the fact that he went to court with ben in Don`t Fear the Repo for ship, despite the fact that he wasn`t in good terms with the judge

Domstol (to Kevin): Don't I know you son? Kevin: Don't think so sir. Domstol: You're Kevin Levin. Didn't I tell you the next time I saw you in my courtroom, I'd chuck you in the Null Void. Kevin: No, wait. I can explain. Domstol: That's what you always say.

and as for point 5, what you`ve mentioned makes the implications so much worse that kevin bought his presumed mother a house

an at most 16 y/o using a good chunk of his financial situation from illegal businesses deals to buy a decently sized house for someone who may not be as innocent as we presume her to be

the way he describes the ordeal is bizarre

in Vendetta:

Kevin: I don`t really stay there, but my mom needed a place...

that phrasing alone brings me alarm bells as to where that woman lived/was before he returned on parole to Earth

so

after kevin ”demolished the house” when he was 11, did she not have anywhere to live?

did kevin feel a sense of guilt for what he presumably did?

where was harvey in all of this

did kevin buy her that house in order for her to be able to leave harvey and live somewhere else?

the fact that he also bought a separate apartment also makes me suspicious of how well the 2 get along behind closed doors. sure, we see them hugging after realizing that the other is alive

but even so-

the things she presumably hid from him makes me guess that kevin hasn`t been informed over the fact that his presumed father was murdered and passed on because of something else

Mrs Levin: Honey, there`s something I should have told you a long time ago.

if they seemingly get along so well, why didn`t she tell him sooner?

even when he literally went insane, it was about how she feels over seeing him in such a state,

Ultimate!Kevin: How are you gonna stop me?! You hidin` my ma in there?! Harvey: No! I`d never let her see you this way. She was so proud of what you were becoming. I won`t let you break her heart again. (Ultimate!Kevin looks down, ashamed.)

when part of the reason he turned out the way he did was because of the lack of help in understanding and controlling his abilities throughout his life

kevin was literally feeding himself and said hunger kept him alive. all because he sacrificed himself to stop the guy who was gonna have the whole-ass universe at his fingertips

and part of it being from the lack of guidance he was given from the adult guardians in his life

it was harvey that they called to come and talk sense into him than the person who may have actually had a closer bond with?

back to the quote from earlier, if we take his word for it, part of kevin`s actions could have been driven due to the shame he felt for his mistakes and the desire to feel loved and cared for my a parental figure

even the way harvey phrased it could imply that he wasn`t a saint in any of this

sure, he seemingly raised kevin ”as his own”, but he still turned out to be a delinquent

Harvey: I`m not afraid of you anymore, Kevin.

even that fear could have resulted in something which made kevin run away in the first place

jfc this show has so many holes kevin deserved and deserved sm better. from a character writing standpoint, to his relationships in general

overthinking kevin hours

so it's no secret there's mixed feelings about kevin's development and characterization in uaf. (I still have my own pov on it bc i really like how the show did some things and not others.) I've heard some people say he's like "beast boy part 2" which lowkey has some truth in it.

I guess i wanted to ask other fans -- what do you think the show gets wrong about kevin? what characteristics do you think were truly out of character? what would you have done differently? i'm gonna make my own post with my views but i wanted to hear everyone else's thoughts first.

[hum--hallelujah]

built this life and now it's mine - Fab Four fluff + jetpoison* (platonic or romantic, up to interpretation) (for @caffeineecold)

-

Kobra got the jukebox in the corner working two days ago and Jet's just returned from a run that nearly killed him but also scored them a crate of real booze — not the shitty moonshine brewed in the Zones that everyone pretends they like even though it tastes like the inside of the boot that gave bootlegging its name, real stuff.

Party's already sloppy drunk, sitting at the counter, and Jet doesn't usually let himself get this tipsy. Kobra and Ghoul sit in the corner next to the jukebox, picking out tunes and passing back and forth a bottle of champagne, of all things. For being a sandpup, Ghoul has expensive tastes.

Something bass-heavy is playing when Party slips from the stool and nearly topples over. Jet's reflexes are sluggish, but he manages to slide from his own seat and catch Poison. Party's pissed at him for nearly dying, again, and Jet expects a shove and dark look, but that's not what he gets. Instead, Poison leans into him, fitting them so naturally together that it's almost frightening.

"Y'okay?" Jet asks quietly into Party's hair.

"Dance with me, Star?"

Jet blinks, shocked. This is the last thing he expected. But he's just drunk enough, inhibitions just low enough, and he always crumbles when Pois calls him Star. Nobody else really ever does. "Sure," he finds himself saying, and Pois curls even more against him, their hands finding their places without even looking. It's too easy to sway back and forth together, in some facsimile of dance that's really just more an excuse for the comfort of touch that they both need, to the lilting gravelly guitars playing through the jukebox speakers.

The track skips and Kobra thumps the side of the box to get it playing again, a rising guitar interlude without words. Poison's head is nested against Jet's jaw, red hair filling his entire field of vision. On an impulse he doesn't resist for once, probably due to how tipsy he is, he presses his lips to Poison's temple.

"I'm sorry, sunshine," he whispers. "Fuck, Poison, I love you. Not the way... you want me to, probably, but I do. I love you so much." His eye is wide and staring, a little bit desperate. There's no other way he can say it.

"Don't leave me," mumbles Poison softly into the skin of his neck. The song is different now, something softer. "My Star..."

Jet closes his eye. "I'm not trying to," he says.

Poison sniffs, still swaying to the new tempo of this song. "Try harder."

Pois probably won't remember this in the morning. Kobra and Ghoul will give them weird looks, like they've completely lost it, and Jet will know why. Heck, they're giving them weird looks now, over the top of a champagne bottle and between smirking giggling asides to each otherm But Party is too drunk to retain much. They won't ever talk about it, except maybe when it comes up in an argument they force everyone to hear. You said you wouldn't leave me, you said you love me. I don't care how it is I just want you to love me whatever way you can.

The future is unfolding in front of them in so many ways. But right now it's just two friends, irresponsibly drunk and folded into each other.

[maryasmorevna]

i think i finally found a semi-famous (?) blog that blocked me lmao

[thetentaclecommander]

I'd be annoyed also because a lot of my HCs are way after the fact or in the case of 3make were well before it lol - infestation nor the link to the plagas was mentioned in og3 so after 3make came out I kinda was like damnit Cap you had your chance, let me fill in your plot gaps XD It just makes things less fun if the canon is like 'and yup this was true actually' And admittedly, a lot of personal thoughts did slide in my stuff; my AU goes in very intense places that I don't think Resi is dark enough to (or should) go. The vibes just wouldn't fit and they'd ruin their own series in trying to canonize my thoughts. This is also why I'm honestly glad they don't make ships official, they'd just alienate ppl for no reason. I just like toying with Nemmy's possibilities way too much...and honestly 3 and 5 left so much on the table, especially with both games chickening out with his clearly parasitic nature and how that could affect Jill (3make didn't really go as far as it could have either). I so love reading people's varied Tyrant hc lore cause I just don't see it much fandom-wise (and the few I do tends to uh not wanna touch on their inhumaness much?) I dig your idea of paired off Tyrants who need the other to keep themselves in check and alive. The idea of your guys (and mons in gen) realizing they 'are' and will do anything to survive even if it marks them a threat to humans, especially doing things like eating humans is so cool and understandable. Like when you are lab-raised, questions like 'is that moral' are probably not a concern of a nonhuman trying to not be destroyed for simply existing. I like that Scrabs, when initially given partners, just ate or ignored the first few like a cat and only took to Ulcers because they were of benefit to him, showing he has the ability to rationalize. Small things like this and acting for themselves as a priority is stuff I wish I saw more in monster stuff. And cool Anthrax linkage with their names! Almost as if to survive and thrive both will always be a threat to humanity inherent >:)

okay, tentatively, this is my new RE9 reveal bingo card

subject to change as the date gets closer

but i'm feeling pretty ok about this right now

[dilfosaur]

well i haven't spilled my guts on tumblr since i was in college but it's the platform that's felt The Most Mine thru the years, so

let's talk!

i've had a huge chip on my shoulder that i wanted off before the year ends. very bad professional experience to follow

so firstly to get ahead of the speculating, i'm not naming names or anything. some of you will puzzle out who i'm talking about, but please don't bother anyone especially not on my behalf. i've worked hard to distance myself from them the past few months. shit happens, especially when you're a dumb bitch (that's me!)

but also this person was someone i considered a close friend and it makes me uneasy to possibly direct backlash at them. "then why post about it" bc i did intermittent work for them for over a year. this is just about that. so hear me out

basically it started off fine. i initially did some commission work for good pay, then was invited to become more involved with their team. unfortunately as i became more involved with their operation it became more disorganized over time. projects started then forgotten, constantly shifting schedules, lapsing communication between roles, confusing financials, and often inconsistent if not late payments. during mid 2023 i was doing colorist work, sometimes on a one day turnaround (all while also preparing drawfee's summer merch launch). the payroll wasn't set up correctly so i wasn't paid for that work for over a year (more on that later), tho to be fair that was largely my own fault at first as i just didnt realize the payments didn't go thru lol

i always consider myself decently capable of separating friendship and coworker-ship; i run a company with 4 wonderful friends, going strong for almost 5 years. that didn't really work out in this case. by early this year our friendship was on the rocks; work issues fed into personal issues and vice versa. so as the rest of this shit plays out, we had just had our first "big fight" which i felt very bad about and added to all the upcoming tension

a huge point of friction was the fact that i really wanted to work with them to make a music video for one of their songs. i've always wanted a chance to make a music video, was confident in a concept i came up with, and even did some concept art for the idea. everyone insisted they loved the concept and that we should do it, but we kept pushing it back for various reasons. it ended up becoming a huge sticking point for my frustrations, which i tried to express productively. TLDR, we eventually got around to discussing it seriously around april.

i planned to ask for $4000 with negotiable add-on for the whole project, which was my Friend Discount price. i was offered a contract for $1000 flat rate, as they insisted that was the only budget they had for it.

don't ask me why i signed it lol. i didn't even counter offer

there was some girlmath to it: i wanted an extra 1k for a student scholarship i provide every spring and well, there it was. but if i had to guess, i saw it as something i just couldn't back down from any more. i caused these folks- my friends- a lot of problems bc i dug my heels in so deep to chase this project, so fuck it we ball

i had about 4 months to solo a 3 minute music video. they wanted it done in august so they could release it before summer ended, bc "it was a summer song". to be fair i was asked if i needed them to pay for anything extra like assistants (which i would have to find and manage) but i was so immediately overwhelmed that i didn't wanna slow down to wait on that process lol. there was very minimal communication other than brief progress check-ins every few weeks. i did everything for that project myself: the original concept, character designs, storyboards, layouts, backgrounds. i even did the editing/compositing for the final cut of the MV. the only favor i did myself was limiting the amount of it that was actually animated to simple loops and motions. hardly my best work but it was work still done

i did it all in between my full time job. i ended up having to take nearly a month away from most of my drawfee duties (with the support of the others) to make the august deadline. i only ever asked for a 3 day extension (notice given about a week in advance, around the same time i was given the final song file lol). i finished the music video at 6am on the final deadline and recorded drawfee the next day on 2 hours of sleep

but it was done, coolies. the team was very happy with the final product. honestly, without getting into it, those were a very emotionally taxing 4 months. on the professional side, i regretted agreeing to the project and especially for the dogshit rate they offered. i felt like a hypocrite- as someone who always wanted to advocate for younger artists demanding their worth in a world that's getting increasingly hostile toward creatives, i failed myself

so when i met with the manager to discuss the release plan, i told them to do whatever worked best for them as i only had one request: i wanted my credit removed from the project

tbh... like... lmao this dramatic bitch right!! but really, i decided that bad practices only breed worse business. friends or not, it was unprofessional of me to accept such a low paying job so i just didn't want my name used in association. everything felt so muddled to me and i was just really tired at this point

the manager was very understanding and then offered that i could be paid more. they said that their team "was surprised" i accepted their low rate and they would be happy to up the amount. this confused me as the initial budget seemed pretty set and at no point between april and august was i offered a better rate. i knew these guys weren't made of money. so, i declined. i didn't want to put anyone out of their means over work that was already done and agreed upon. but more importantly, i was over the whole thing and didn't want to prolong the project with a contract renegotiation. i just insisted my name be removed

they decided to use a pseudonym (which i was fine with) so they could create a story about a character who made the MV (this sounds really convoluted but i don't know how better to put it without getting specific, sorry). that way if people asked about the credit, they could speak comfortably about it without signaling that something went wrong behind the scenes. ok, kind of a silly narrative imo but whatevs. and maybe this is where i finally went truly wrong but. yolo i guess

i gave the name "D. Smithee", D as in dilfosaur and Smithee as in Alan Smithee. look it up for fun film trivia ig! was it passive aggressive of me to reference that in this context? yeah, honestly. but i thought it was kinda funny and really not that deep. if it was a problem, i have other real, non-cheeky pseudonyms i regularly use. the manager accepted it and all i had to do was wait for them to post the video and i could leave the whole experience behind me

a week later i received a message from the manager that my pseudonym had been denied by the rest of the team bc one of them got the reference. fair enough lol. however, they decided that rather than ask for a different name, the were going to make one up for me that they liked and would "fit the [story]", without asking me

and that! is when i finally snapped!

i was so tired of giving them concessions at this point and having a credit made up for me without any input from me felt genuinely violating and unethical. i started to Panic bc of how stressed i was, and asked for my overdue payments (aka the $500 still owed on the MV, and the colorist rate from a year prior that was never paid even tho i reported it in january) to be scheduled ASAP as i was leaving the work discord immediately

i finally told them off for exploiting me throughout the months while i kept trying to just be nice and finish my contact cleanly. in return i was told that it was unfair to say that as i agreed to everything- i accepted their cheap rate and denied further payment so that was all settled, and it was ok to change my credit without my consent bc i "said they could do whatever with the release". i called bullshit, ended the convo as kindly as i could, and cried lol. they agreed to ditch the pseudonym and just give no credit. that night was the last i heard from anyone on that team

and the real kicker?

august came and went. then september, october... and they never released the music video

and i don't know why, because i was never contacted about it. i've been removed from the picture entirely i guess. 4 months and boatloads of stress. just. up in smoke. i don't know what i expected honestly

it's hard to not take everything that happened personally and as done in bad faith. i really do, honestly. i've had plenty of shitty deals in my almost 10 year art career, but it hits different from people you saw as friends. but to the point of "why not keep it private", i have never felt so disrespected as a professional as i did this past year. i can toy with money and credits and other formalities all i want, but my work- my ideas, my labor, my effort- is still so important to me. i felt like the biggest idiot for doing so much work, pouring so much of myself into a piece for someone's use, for what has amounted to nothing

but more importantly i hated myself for undervaluing my work, even if initially i thought this person was a trusted friend. money is not really an issue for me- drawfee is my main job and i am fine and comfortable. it's so important to pay artists appropriately but i often undersell my own work bc i value the collaboration and passion between creatives more than the reward. i think a lot of artists tend to feel the same, and it often makes us easy to take advantage of. it's so difficult to find the balance between passion and making a fair living, and i think there's some shame within ourselves when artists choose to prioritize that passion

i wanted to finally get all this off my chest bc i was ashamed of every choice i made. things like this happen all the time i'm sure and hiding these mistakes only make it easier for it to happen to other people

tldr always value your work and protect your passion from people who just see it as a product. and don't give cheeky pseudonyms i guess lol

(and again pls don't bother anyone involved about this. a lot of chaos has left my life as i moved past all this, and this is me closing a door without opening new ones hopefully lol)

this shit was truly

so ass.

but i'm moving past it now

but on a nicer note. outside of all of this nonsense, i made lots of good memories this year. i'm truly so grateful to the many wonderful people in my life who keep me going even when i fuck up big time!

and thank you to all of you strangers who, despite everything, give me the time of day. especially if you read this whole thing. you're a real one :')

happy new year!

[penny-anna]

if voyager was like 25% racier they could have had a plot where someone stumbles on a buried holodeck program about having sex with Tom Paris and now everyone is trying to figure out who wants to fuck Tom so badly they made a whole holodeck program about it.

no-one wants to bring it up with Tom himself for obvious reasons. naturally all eyes turn to B'Elanna but she strenuously denies it. initially no-one believes her but on investigation they break the encryption and discover that it looks like Harry made the program.

Harry gets very flustered and insists that someone must have fraudulently used his credentials to make the program. but if that's the case then it was either one of the ship's other senior officers (bcos they're the only people who'd be able to fake Harry's credentials) or someone with very advanced holodeck skills

Seven is briefly considered (she has the technical skills) but is fully exonerated when they realise the program predates her time on the crew.

Seven points out that it could have been the Doctor who also has the relevant skills but the Doctor argues that he wouldn't bcos he has better taste and also if he wanted to make a secret holodeck program he'd cover his tracks better and he's right on all counts. Neelix protests his innocence and everyone's like yeah honestly we never thought it was you Neelix.

the Doctor suggests that maybe they should let the matter rest on the grounds that masturbation is perfectly natural and healthy and whoever's responsible it's their own private business but B'Elanna and Harry are like nooo this is a threat to the harmony of the crew we have to know. also we're nosy. don't you want to help us on this. and the Doctor's like yeah. alright.

B'Elanna and Harry and the Doctor can't find any evidence of fakery which makes it more and more likely that it was a senior officer. they're all eying Janeway and Chakotay and Tuvok trying to guess which one of them secretly wants to fuck Tom Paris.

Janeway seems the most likely prospect as she has technically fucked him before when they were salamanders and also like as far as anyone knows she's been functionally celibate since they got stranded so she's gotta be pretty pent up by now.

but then Tom and Chakotay have some history from their time in the Maquis so there could be something going on there??

Tuvok is the least likely by a mile bcos like he's Tuvok but then it's always the people you least suspect isn't it and last time they found a weird holodeck program it turned out to be Tuvok's so maybe?? maybe??

obviously they aren't about to bring this up with Janeway & co so they're just sitting in command meetings with their 3 most plausible suspects and Tom himself. collectively fucking sweating. unable to concentrate.

after several repetitions of this Janeway's like OK something's distracting you all. fess up so we sort out whatever it is and move on with business. and after a lot of squirming one of them breaks.

& then Tom is like ohh yeah that's my program. and they're like. say what?? and he's like that's my holodeck program I made it. for personal use.

so B'Elanna is like 'why would you make a holosex program about yourself' and he's like because I wanted to know what it was like to fuck me?? is that so wrong. get off my case.

[wileycap]

I think we in the A:TLA fandom have missed the absolute potential of the fact that Ozai Firelord is canonically a fucking idiot. I mean the dude's straight up stupid. And I want to be very clear that this isn't a plot hole, this isn't a flaw in the show, this is a fantastic and super realistic element that honestly enhances my enjoyment of it! Dictators are often stupid and breed a culture of cronyism-over-competence. Any similarities with real world leaders, dead or alive, are coincidental yet inevitable.

What do I mean?

Well, let's take the Drill. When faced with the problem of Big Wall, Ozai's Fire Nation comes up with Big Drill. One singular Big Drill. Which, as anyone except an idiot could have predicted, immediately breaks down and accomplishes nothing. And if the Fire Nation had made it past the wall, then they would have been fighting through a narrow opening against people who can hurl long distance rocks! Which, if your face or body is vulnerable to high velocity rocks, is a bad thing for you and also for the battle.

Not to mention the resource cost of that thing! It's so insanely gigantic, it must have cost the Fire Nation the equivalent of trillions. For ONE drill. Not ten smaller drills. Just ONE drill. (Fanfic fuel: how much did Ba Sing Se profit off of stripping that drill for parts? Did they reverse engineer it? Did Long Feng keep that for himself?)

And you might be thinking, fairly, that it was War Minister Qin who came up with the drill and you'd be right, but it's Ozai who's approving all this shit. Instead of doing the reasonable thing and asking Qin if he et the whole edible, or even the in-character thing of burning him to death, Ozai just goes... big drill. Makes sense. We should have the biggest drill, because we are the biggest nation. Drill, baby, drill. sorry

It's not the first time, either! He also approves Zhao's invasion of the North Pole, apparently just because Zhao is good at kissing ass and hates Zuko? I couldn't tell you what merits Zhao has. We do not see him lead a single successful mission. The closest he comes is Pohuai, and even then its the Yuyan archers who do most of the work. (My longstanding headcanon is that the reason we don't see the Yuyan archers again is because Zhao blamed the whole thing on them and they were disbanded. This is great fic fuel for displaced Yuyan archers just, wandering around, being elite.)

He approved a massive naval invasion of the North Pole, surrounded by and made of water and ice, inhabited by people who bend water. A nation that was, by its own choice, completely out of the war.

Every time we see Ozai doing something, it's something stupid. Like disfiguring and banishing his firstborn child in a culture that has primogeniture. And then (once he's done pissing away a massive fleet of ships) he does the logical thing and sends his only other heir to bring his first heir back - even though his first heir would have been willing to return with a simple invitation. Like he could have sent a letter saying "dear son come home miss u pick up 200 000 tons of steel qin wants 2 build a drill lol", and Zuko would have come. (Okay, he did have a valid reason for having Zuko escorted, since he thought Iroh was a traitor, but there's absolutely NO reason to risk Azula. Why not send Combustion Man? It's the luckiest stroke of luck ever that Azula is 100 times more competent than her dad.)

Of course, a dictator(-wannabe) sending his daughter on high-level diplomatic missions is pure fiction. Nobody would do that.

The best part of this is that it's entirely realistic and in-character. I could absolutely imagine Ozai purging all of his competent admirals and generals, and then promoting brownnoses like Zhao and crackpots like Qin, because they promised him glorious destinies and secret knowledge of Big Drill.

I also really, really want a scene of Zuko and Azula realizing that their father is a fucking idiot.

I would also like to note that all this stupid shit happens after Iroh leaves with Zuko. So, here's a headcanon: the only reason the Fire Nation didn't immediately implode when Ozai took the throne and purged everyone is because of Iroh. Iroh leaving with Zuko doomed Ozai. It's also a nice little drop of complexity in Iroh's character - he knew he was single-handedly keeping the Fire Nation afloat, yet he only left when Zuko did. Did he plan for Zuko to take the throne from the start? What was his plan before Aang showed up? Did he not intervene in the Agni Kai because he was afraid, or because he knew that Ozai was making a huge mistake and didn't want to interrupt? Give me chessmaster Iroh please.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi guys!

Okay so I've gotten a lot of asks about JKR, since she's been extra terfy lately. ( @lonely-parrot @mushroom-enby and many anons) Basically asking me what I think about the marauders fandom, talking to people about it, etc.

I think that we have to acknowledge that being part of the Marauders fandom does cause some harm.

Why? Because we are, however unwillingly, talking about and giving popularity to characters created by a horribly bigoted and harmful person.

We can't just stick our heads in the sand and pretend that isn't true. Not in the days of algorithms that respond every time you search 'Sirius Black.'

However, I also think this fandom, and fandom in general, has been helpful to many queer people in ways I can't even begin to describe. For so many queer people, fanfiction and fandom is where you begin to explore those feelings you think are 'weird' or 'different,' and the people you meet through fandom are the first people you meet like you. The way characters are depicted in fanfiction can be the first time you see a character that you truly relate to, and I know that I am not exaggerating when I say I owe my life to fanfic writers, because I used it as a coping mechanism as a teen when I had nobody to talk to at all.

I think that we just have to be conscious of consuming fandom, especially Harry Potter fandom, ethically. And I have to say that I am NOT perfect at this. I have been to the Harry Potter theme park. I own Harry Potter merch. In my childhood, my entire Christmas list was Harry Potter things. So please know that I'm not speaking from some holier-than-thou position here.

But as things get worse and worse, we need to be even more conscious about what we are consuming, and how we are consuming it.

So here's my opinion on things we need to do:

Do not consume any new content by or related to JKR. This includes the new TV show.

If you want old content (the books), buy them secondhand. Do not give your money to the bookstores that give money to her. Give back to local secondhand shops.

Etsy has a lot of amazing independent artist-created merch, look there!

When people talk about the books, do NOT shrink away from their flaws. Mention them. Talk about the issues. Talk about the house elves and the goblins and the ridiculously racist names.

Same with JKR. When people talk about the books, the TV show, the videogame, etc, TALK about JKR's transgressions. Don't let people be willfully ignorant.

Make fandom a safe space. The world is an awful place right now and I think one of the reasons I, personally, am okay with being part of this fandom is because it is a safe place for me and so many others. DO NOT change that by becoming part of the problem and spewing hate. Cut the shit with the ship wars and the transphobia and the 'I don't like when writers...' Just stop.

Keep making your characters gay. And trans. And ace. And POC. And all of the things JKR is so scared of.

Yeah. These are just my thoughts. Feel free to comment (politely) below!

[rollinouttahere-writes]

Breaking Point Chapter 2

Prev / Next

Whitebeard Pirates x Teen GN Reader

4.9k words

Summary: You awake on an enemy ship after failing to evade them the day before. Your mind is heavy with what is to come, and the actions of the people you know to be your enemies only serves to confuse you further. What have you gotten yourself into?

Warnings: suicidal ideation, mentions of previous suicide attempt, brief descriptions of past child abuse, dehumanization, burns, drugging, being unable to move, unhealthy relationship with food

“S-S-Sir!”

Akainu whipped around to face the marine that dared to intrude upon him. He is able to keep his magma from pouring out, but just barely. “What?! Spit it out! I don't have time to be listening to you trip over your own damn words!”

The pathetic excuse for a marine stumbles back, looking like he's on the verge of pissing himself. Why people like this joined the Marines was beyond Akainu’s understanding. Just as he was considering terminating him permanently, the whelp finally finds his words, “W-We got word that the Whitebeard pirates have picked up the medicine, sir!”

“Have there been any communications from them since the last?”

“No, sir!”

The lack of communication from them was grating on his nerves. He assumed this meant that the original plan was still on, but he would prefer confirmation. He needed to see that you were still alive. Akainu releases a sigh that teeters on being a growl, then waves off the marine, “Understood. Now get out of my sight.”

Fortunately, the marine didn't need to be told twice and promptly made himself scarce. Akainu isn't sure that he would have been able to control his temper if he hadn't left. 

It could not accurately be put into words how much Akainu hated everything about this situation. The fact that a bunch of pirates got their filthy hands on his child was bad enough; that already had his blood boiling. But what was really eating away at him was what he saw in the communication feed that had come through.

Since it was of a visual nature, he could see that this wasn't a bluff. They had you in their custody. There was a horrifying moment in the beginning when he thought they were showing him your corpse. The only reason the Marine base wasn't a molten wasteland was because he saw you blink. From there, he was able to also pick up on the steady rise and fall of your chest as you laid chained to some medical gurney by one of your wrists. Sea stone cuffs, surely. 

The look in your eyes was haunting him. They were completely lifeless. As the pirate, Marco, gave their terms, all you did was stare blankly ahead at nothing. He doubted you were even cognizant of the fact that you were being recorded. 

It was clear to him that those pirates had drugged you. That was the only way to explain why you were just laying there instead of fighting. You had never been the type to give up so easily.

Now it was down to a waiting game. The pirates adamantly refused to hand you over before the medicine was on their ship. He fought hard against these terms, but he ultimately had to yield. They had the more valuable bargaining chip, and they knew it. Sure, it was most convenient to get the medicine in bulk now, but it didn't appear to be particularly urgent. They could find more elsewhere at a later date, but Akainu couldn't do the same. If they killed you, that was it. He was backed into a corner, and he was loathing every second of it. 

The sound of someone clearing their throat comes from behind him. It would have made his temper flare even more had he not recognized it. He takes a deep breath to calm his nerves- as much as they could be- and turns to face the Fleet Admiral properly.

For a moment, Sengoku just stares at him with his usual frown. He then sighs and shakes his head, “Of all the people I expected to make a deal with pirates behind my back, you most certainly didn’t make the list.”

That made Akainu’s eyebrow twitch, and his teeth grind down on the cigar in his mouth, “Do you think I’m happy about this?”

Sengoku was undeterred by his subordinate’s behavior. “I never said you had to be, but accepting those terms on your own was out of line.”

“Time was of the essence, I couldn’t afford to wait for you to get here when my child is actively in a hostage situation.” His temper is already rising despite previous attempts to calm it.

The next sentence out of his superior's mouth only fanned the smoldering flame. “A hostage situation that they got themselves into, need I remind you.”

For a moment, he's too stunned to speak. When he finds his voice, the words are forced out through clenched teeth, “Do you want to run that by me again?”

“I know you aren't stupid, Akainu. You and I both know that (Y/N) was nowhere near where they were supposed to be.”

The vein on his forehead feels like it's about to explode. “What are you implying?”

“Do you really need me to spell it out for you? Are you that blind?” Sengoku pinches the bridge of his nose and heaves a sigh, “That kid has never wanted to be a marine. You know that at least, right?”

That did it. A fiery hole was punched into a nearby wall as what was left of his short fuse burnt away to nothing. “Bullshit! (Y/N) has given everything to the Marines!”

“What they've given is irrelevant to the point. It doesn't matter if they give their all to something if they didn't actually want to in the first place.” Sengoku meets Akainu's furious gaze with one of annoyance, “The point is that they did precisely what I expected them to do.”

The anger cools and is replaced by genuine confusion. “What?” Akainu squints his eyes and steps closer, “Did you plan for this to happen?”

“Not exactly. The Whitebeard's were a wildcard, admittedly.” Sengoku walks past Akainu and stares down at the base below through a window, “I'd had hopes for (Y/N) in the beginning, I really had. They were so promising, and I knew that if they would grow into and accept their role as a marine, that they would be an excellent soldier. Possibly even an Admiral some day. But I never saw that acceptance. They were always only ever following orders. A cog placed into a machine.”

A humorless chuckle escapes the Fleet Admiral as he pushes the window open, “Did you honestly think that I was so desperate for information on Red Haired Shanks that I would send a child after him? Please. It was all a test. I wanted to see what would happen when (Y/N) was cut from their lead and without supervision. Just as I predicted, they ran off as soon as they got the opportunity. It's a shame that so many resources were wasted, but it's for the best that they left now rather than sticking around to cause problems later.”

“Now you wait just a damn minute,” Akainu seethed. “Just because that snot-nosed brat of yours went awol doesn't mean that my soldier did. (Y/N) would never go against orders like that. Something went wrong. Shanks must have caught on to the mission, so they pulled back.”

Sengoku’s reflection betrays the slight grimace on his face at the mention of Rosinante, but it's gone just as quickly as it arrived. Instead, it's replaced by a bitter scowl as he turns around to face Akainu directly, “You can't be this deluded. Not even Garp was stupid enough to force his family to become marines. You-” he lets out a hiss of a sigh, “It's like you're forcing a circle through a square shaped hole.”

“What the fuck do shapes have to do with any of this?” This conversation was going nowhere and getting more and more ridiculous by the second. 

“Just because you can force it to fit doesn't mean that's where it belongs. Was (Y/N) a damn good marine? Absolutely. No one will ever argue that, but they weren't meant to be one. The sooner you accept that, the better off you'll be.” Sengoku makes for the door, but stops just shy of it. “One last thing. If the deal you have with those pirates falls through and they don't hand (Y/N) over… I will not be permitting any further action against them.”

Everything said so far had been one sucker punch after another, but this took the wind from Akainu. His mouth opened and closed several times before he found the right words, “You want me to leave them to the mercy of a bunch of pirates?”

“Yes. They got themselves into that mess by abandoning their mission, they can get themselves out.” He meets Akainu’s shocked gaze over his shoulder, “I expect you to respect this. You're an Admiral, you have to put your position before your family ties.”

With that said, Sengoku takes his leave. Akainu stands alone in his office, thin wisps of smoke still filtering through the air from the smoldering drywall. 

—

It's the sound of turning pages that first starts to bring you out of your stupor. Bits and pieces of your memories seep into your foggy brain. 

Boats… you were looking at boats, but pirates tailed you after you left. The Whitebeard pirates. You got into a… fight? No, there was a chase, but they caught you. You were brought back to the ship and… Oh. That happened. 

When your eyes crack open, you're staring at the ceiling of an infirmary. You're still on the Moby Dick, so that's almost a plus. Definitely not ideal, but at least you haven't been handed back over to the Marines yet. 

God, your head is spinning. What happened to you? Did they drug you? Damn it, you can’t remember what happened. You try to reach up and rub your eyes, but you can't. Neither of your arms will budge. 

It takes a coordinated effort, but you're able to raise your head enough to see why you can't move your arms. Both of them are strapped to the bars on the sides of the gurney by a series of belts. You can't move them at all. 

You also take note of the picc line in your left arm. That definitely wasn't in there when you passed out. Your eyes trace up to the IV bag hanging above your head. Shit. They're probably keeping you on a steady stream of sedatives. That explains the lack of alarm you're feeling despite your current state of affairs. 

With your sleeve being rolled up for the picc line, one more thing was exposed. A large patch of scar tissue covering most of your forearm. A burn mark to remind you of one of the many times Akainu got too carried away while sparring with you. A plethora of similar scars littered most of your body, leading to you having a wardrobe consisting of shirts and pants that covered as much skin as possible. While many of your fellow marines took pride in showing off their scars, yours had always been a source of shame. Resentment. Hatred. Seeing one now only served to further sour your mood. 

“Oh!” 

The voice startles you out of your trance. When you follow it to its source, you spot a nurse sitting not far from you and holding a newspaper. You can immediately tell what her profession is because she has on the most stereotypical nurse's uniform you've ever seen. It's kind of odd to see such a sight on a pirate ship of all places. 

She gets up from the desk she was sitting at and hurries over to you with a smile plastered on her face, “Oh good, you're finally awake!”

Finally? “How-” You stop speaking and cough. Fuck, your throat is dry. Might be a side effect of the meds they have you on. 

Without even needing to be asked, the nurse fetches you a glass of water. She gently tilts your head up and allows the water to flow into your mouth at a steady pace. You greedily gulp it down in seconds. You watch the nurse closely as you drink, taking in her appearance. If you had to guess, she was in her early thirties. Coarse, blonde hair is held back in a ponytail with a few errant curls framing her round face. 

“Better?” The nurse sets your head back down and turns away from you, “You were out cold all night, we were starting to get worried about you. Well… more worried, I should say.” She coughs lightly and returns to your side with a clipboard in hand. 

“All night? What time is it?” Your voice was still a little croaky, but now you were thinking it had more to do with your brief coma than medication. You’re pretty sure it was only roughly midday when you got captured. You find it hard to believe you slept the rest of the day and through the night, but there isn't really any reason to lie about such a thing. 

“It's about a quarter till seven right now.” 

Damn. That shit really did knock you the hell out. You've always risen at five in the morning on the dot. Akainu would physically throw you out of your bed if you ever accidentally overslept, and then you'd have to run a lap for every minute. 

The nurse sat down on a nearby stool and smiled at you again, “I'm Elise. You'll probably be seeing a lot of me from here on out. Can you tell me your name, sweetie?”

Sweetie? The pet name made you cringe. You suppose you might as well answer her, though you can't imagine there's anyone on this ship that isn't aware of you and who you are. 

You tell her your name, making her hum in approval, “Very good! Now, can you tell me how you're feeling? Any dizziness or nausea? Difficulty breathing?”

“I'm… kinda lightheaded, I guess.” It's debatable if that's a side effect of the medicine or not eating for twelve plus hours, though. It could also be the result of prolonged sea stone exposure. Who knows?

Elise nods along and scribbles some notes down, “Good, good… Are you having any thoughts of harming yourself or others?”

For such a heavy question, she says it awfully casually, but the look in her eyes as she peers at you over the clipboard is anything but. You shift under her gaze. As much as you can, at least. The movement makes you realize that there are straps holding your legs down as well. 

What kind of question even is that? You're on an enemy ship, drugged, and restrained. How else does she expect you to feel right now? Especially with the impending doom of what is to come. 

Her stare doesn't let up for even a second. She isn't willing to let the question go unanswered, so you do what you have to. Lie. 

“No.”

It's evident to you that she knows that you're lying through your teeth. Mercifully, she doesn't call you out on it. After jotting down a few more things on the clipboard, it's discarded, and you're the center of her attention again. 

“I bet you're hungry after sleeping for so long. I'll ring the kitchen to bring something for you.” Elise picks up a transponder snail from nearby, “What do you like to drink in the morning? Coffee? Tea? Oh, I know! How about some hot chocolate?”

The response comes out before you can even really think about it, “I'm not allowed to have that.”

Elise gasps softly and brings a hand to her mouth, “Oh no, are you lactose intolerant? I think the kitchen has some alternatives they could use instead of milk.”

“No, I mean that it's too unhealthy. There aren't any benefits to drinking something like that.” Akainu never gave you the chance to form a sweet tooth. All of your meals were nutritionally dense with an emphasis on protein. Desserts were strictly prohibited.

At that statement, Elise frowns and puts her free hand on her hip, “Well that's just silly. Not everything you eat has to be “healthy”. A balanced diet is important, of course, but you're allowed to have treats.”

“But-”

“Ah, ah! No buts. I'm a nurse, so if I say it's okay, it’s okay.” Having made her point, Elise goes ahead and contacts the kitchen to order some breakfast for you. And a hot chocolate, apparently. 

Stubborn woman. But you suppose one has to have a firm foot and a backbone if they're on a pirate ship. Whatever. Might as well make the most of your last meal before you're sent back to hell. And subsequently executed for your misdeeds. 

The infirmary is empty, save for you and Elise. While you appreciate the privacy the vacancy affords you, it does leave you with a question.

“Where's The Phoenix?” You're honestly amazed he wasn't monitoring you directly given your perceived importance for the trade deal they had. 

Elise, having just finished placing the order for food, faces you again. “Marco? He left to supervise the retrieval of the medicine. A precaution in case the Marines try to pull something, I assume. Did you need something from him? He should be back tonight.”

Damn, they already have it? You thought you'd have more time before then. Your head drops down and your hands tighten into fists, “Oh. I'm guessing they'll be handing me over as soon as they're back…”

Genuine confusion flashes across Elise’s face, then realization, “Oh! No, no, no! We aren't going to be releasing you back to the Marines!”

Okay. You were officially lost. “You're… going to try and get more out of having me as a hostage?”

“That isn't it either!” Elise sighs and rubs her temples while quietly muttering, “Must be that medication's doing…”

“Am I missing something here?”

“Yes. One of the side effects from what we gave you initially is mild memory loss. It makes it hard to recall everything that happened right before the dose.” She approaches your bed and starts messing with the levers, “After your… outburst, Marco told you that you didn't have to go back if you didn't want to. Do you remember any of that?”

You wrack your hazy mind for the memory, but you're coming up blank. The last thing you remember is… a knife? Yeah, you got your hands on a knife and tried to stab yourself with it. Everything else seems to be lost. You aren't even completely sure if you just failed to stab yourself, or if Marco's healing abilities far exceeded Marine records. 

The lack of a response is an answer in and of itself. Elise shifts the upper portion of the bed up so that you're in a sitting position. The change makes your head spin a bit, but you keep that to yourself. 

A warm hand settles on your shoulder, and Elise speaks in a gentle tone, “No one here is going to make you go back to the Marines if you don't want to. You can relax.”

“But… if you're not turning me in, why am I still here? It sounds like you've already got what you wanted. I don't see why you'd be bothering with all this,” you nod vaguely at your body, referencing the straps and IV. 

“We can't in good conscience release someone in your state.” Her smile drops, and she stares down at you with what looks to you to be pity in her eyes, “You tried to end your own life, sweetie. That's something we must take very seriously.”

An uncomfortable lump forms in your throat, and your face feels hot with shame. You hated the way she looked at you just now. Like you were some poor, pathetic thing. Like she was looking down at some helpless rabbit ensnared in a trap. Like you were weak.

“I got this ready as fast as I could!”

You’re startled out of your thoughts by the infirmary door slamming open and the proclamation following immediately after. When you look up, you see Twin Blade Thatch entering the room carrying a tray with a mug and a bowl balanced on it. There is a twinge of familiarity in the back of your mind at the sight of him, and you don’t think it’s from seeing his bounty poster before. Did you see him yesterday? Maybe? You can’t be sure.

Thatch hurries over to you and sets the tray on the bedside table before turning to you with a smile on his face, “How are you feeling today?”

His question prompts you to look down at your restrained limbs and the- more likely than not medicated- drip bag, then back at him with an unamused expression, “Guess.”

The smile becomes visibly forced, sheepish even, and he averts his eyes, “Fair enough. Dumb question.” He clears his throat in a dramatic fashion, then recenters his gaze on you again, “I bet you’re hungry after sleeping for so long.” He picks up the bowl he carried in and tilts it toward you so you can see its contents. It’s a bowl of porridge with sliced fruit and nuts arranged on top in a visually appealing method.

But that’s not what you care about, there is a far more pressing issue at hand. You level him with a stern glare, “You better not be planning to spoon feed me. I will bite you.”

Thatch freezes and just stares at you with wide eyes for a moment, and that immediately makes you realize how stupid that was to say. You can’t even move, and you thought it was a good idea to start threatening people? What is wrong with you?! He could slit your throat right now if he wanted to, and you wouldn’t be able to do a single thing to stop him!

Instead of making your thoughts a reality, the pirate does something that shocks you. He laughs. You don’t know what to do with this. What are you supposed to do about laughter? Why is he even laughing? Did he find the absurdity of you spitting out threats despite your circumstances that funny?

“Oh, that’s a relief. You’ve got a sense of humor even after all that.” Thatch chuckles quietly and sets the bowl down before looking over to Elise, “We could take the straps off for now, couldn’t we?”

Huh?

Elise hums in thought, then nods. “I suppose we could, so long as you stick around for a bit to help keep an eye on them.”

Huh?!

They… They’re untying you? On purpose? This must be a trap. It has to be. They’re testing you. That’s the only thing that makes sense.

Your face is grabbed, and Elise makes you look her in the eye. “Do not,” she tilts your head down to look at the picc line, “try to rip this out. Understood?”

“Understood.” You knew better than to do such a thing. That’s a mistake you only make once.

After a particularly brutal training session with your father, you’d ended up in the infirmary. A regular occurrence, if you’re being honest. By the time you’d come to, the sight of the sun being high in the sky sent you into a panic. You were late, and Akainu loathed tardiness. In your rush to get out of there and beg for mercy for such a monumental fuck up on your end, you ripped the picc line out of your arm. Blood went fucking everywhere. On you, on the cot, on the walls. One of the nurses in the room fainted at the sight, followed shortly by yourself because all of your blood was now outside your body. You were out of commission for the rest of the day, and Akainu made certain that you made up for it the following day.

With your confirmation that you wouldn’t egregiously injure yourself, the two set to work on undoing the belts holding you down. Elise was making quick work of them, but Thatch abruptly stopped. You glance at him quizzically, wondering what the hold up was, only to see that his eyes are locked onto the opposing arm. You follow his gaze, and then you get it.

It was the burn scar marring most of your left forearm. Ah. This bizarre situation had distracted you from the fact that it was exposed. You can’t even cover it up because that’s the arm the IV is going into. Not that your other arm is much better. Or any part of your body, really. The skin of your face was the most intact, presumably because Akainu didn’t want to risk giving you the permanent handicap that came with losing vision in one or both eyes.

Elise loudly clears her throat and levels the pirate with a glare that honestly surprised you. How fearless she must be to behave in such a manner toward someone with a bounty like Thatch’s. This tactic, credit where it’s due, was effective. He snapped out of his one-sided staring competition with your arm and freed the other one.

Cautiously, you stretch your arms out now that they’ve been liberated from their confines. Mostly. The left arm stops short. You’d almost forgotten about the sea stone cuffs. It makes sense that they left that on, given that you’re a quite literal flight risk otherwise.

The tray containing your breakfast is carefully placed on your lap. The aforementioned bowl of porridge is on it, but so is a large mug that appears to be topped with a whipped cream. Is this the hot chocolate Elise had insisted upon? Your eyes flit up to the two people looming over either side of you. They’re staring at you expectantly.

All things considered, it seems unlikely that any of this is poisoned. They wanted you alive, that much was clear even if the particular reason behind it wasn’t. Besides, even if it was poisoned, you wouldn’t complain. Being freed from this mortal coil would be a blessing in your book.

Might as well do what they want. Maybe it’ll get them to stop breathing down your neck, if nothing else. You reach for the hot beverage first to see what all the hype is about. The mug is warm to the touch, but not so enough to burn you. Granted, that could just be the nerve damage talking. You’ll find out if that’s an accurate assessment based on whether or not this burns your tongue.

You bring the drink to your lips and sip at it. The cream is cold, but then a warmth trickles through and mixes with it. It’s very sweet. A stark contrast to the black coffee your father would drink and force upon you. The radically different flavor profile is borderline startling… but you don’t hate it. You quite like it.

Instead of savoring the hot chocolate and making it last, you continue tilting it up more and more until the cup runs dry. Okay. Perhaps Elise was onto something with allowing oneself treats such as this one.

“So it was a hit, huh?” Thatch is grinning proudly, “I made sure it would be the best you would ever have after Elise said you’d never had it before. Do you want some more?”

Mild embarrassment spreads into your consciousness at his observation of your enjoyment. This was a quirk of yours you never could really explain. Others seeing you experience contentment felt inexplicably wrong. Like you were doing something you shouldn’t be and being caught red-handed. You shake your head and set down the mug, “No. I’m good.” You promptly take the spoon on the tray into your hand and scoop up a mouthful of oatmeal in hopes of getting him to drop the subject.

The flavors of honey and cinnamon enhance the meal, making it taste far more pleasant than you’re used to. It’s all so good. You can’t stop eating it, and the porridge is gone almost as quickly as the hot chocolate was.

That familiar burn of shame reared its ugly head again. It would be bad enough to be so over indulgent at the best of times. What the hell were you doing doing so on an enemy ship? How disgraceful. 

“Good job! I’m so happy that you were able to finish it all,” Elise claps her hands together, looking weirdly elated over you eating. It’s unclear as to why that would matter to her. She continues, “Since you’re doing so well, how about we take you onto the deck for some fresh air and sunlight?”

“The deck? Like… of the ship?”

“Yeah? What else would it be, silly?” Elise moves behind the bed, clicks something, then begins to push it forward.

She’s trying to take you someplace where there will no doubt be a bunch of pirates. Some of which you may have even crossed paths with before. And you’re completely defensive. You look around at her and plead, “W-We don’t have to do that. I’m fine with staying in here.”

“Oh, hush. This’ll be good for you!” Undeterred, Elise proceeds to wheel you out of the infirmary with Thatch holding the door open.

Good for you? She’s trying to throw you into a den of wolves, and somehow thinks that’s going to be good for you? This was a set-up the whole time. They lowered your guard with a good meal just so they could rip the rug out from under you. Now you’re going to have to face the bulk of the Whitebeard pirates in your current hapless state.

All you can do is hope that pirates of all people will have the good grace to put you out of your mercy quickly.

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