#I have a couple short wips for him that i could revisit

[dawn-moths]

i’ve been thinking a lot about my cerulean gaze touya again lately. i really wanna write for him again soon.

[eliza49-7190]

One line, one fic

Rules: pick any 10 of your fics, scroll somewhere to the mid point, pick a line, and share it! Then tag 10 people.

I was tagged by the wonderful doctorhelena

Here are lines (okay, sometimes more than one) from the middlish of each story.

1.

Mid-week Mornings at the New York Bell Company and Summer Evenings in Manhattan

(An Agent Carter fic)

From chapter 2 of 3:

One or two agents still resented having been knocked out by Peggy’s fists – and the occasional, frisbeed dinner plate – but the prevailing attitude towards her fighting prowess was one of self-deprecating approbation: the humorous refrain, ‘Or we could just send Carter,’ was often heard in the bullpen when an assignment demanded maximum manpower.

2.

A Safe Community for Modern, Female Professionals

(An Agent Carter fic)

From chapter 3 of 5:

Startled, Angie realised that she had read by accident half of the first paragraph, and that this was a private thing of Peggy’s that she had no right to (just like the flunky shouldn’t have been handling Peggy’s pretty, satin nightie).

3.

An Unexpected Detour on the Way to Saving the World

(An Avengers: Endgame|Agent Carter fic)

From chapter 6 of 12:

Steve waited patiently, and Tony took the opportunity to announce his right to the seat next to the driver: as a kid he had always asked to ride up front with Mr Jarvis, and now that he was a fifty-three-year-old, flying superhero with a time machine, no one got to tell him that he was too short and he belonged in the back. (Besides, he wanted to leave the backseat free so that Cap could sit next to Peggy.)

4.

A Somebody I'm Longin' to See

(An Agent Carter fic)

From chapter 3 of 5:

The idea of Angie patronising Eve’s on Greenwich Avenue, and the idea of her ‘liking girls that way,’ revisited Peggy often in the weeks that followed. It felt like a confusing, entangled concept, intriguing and unsettling at the same time.

5.

Answering the Call

(An Avengers: Endgame | Steggy fic)

From chapter 1 of 1:

Whilst in 2023 no one would give a second thought to an unmarried woman having a man to stay with her in her home, he knew that in 1949 this was definitely not the case. He did not want to risk Peggy’s reputation for the sake of his own, selfish comfort.

I’ve run out of finished-and-posted Agent Carter / Captain America fics, so here are two from Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. fics (the first of which also draws on CA:TWS)

6.

Secrets Told and Kept

(An Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. | Maria Hill | Philinda fic)

From chapter 2 of 4:

Maria was too reserved, too little accustomed to flirtation, to feel at ease with either flagrant deception or seduction (although Agent Brett Morris did once reassure her, during their mercifully short partnership, that she ‘definitely had the equipment.’) But this type of play-acting was in any case best suited to brief ambushes, what Fury dubbed the ‘Peggy Method,’ of ‘fluttering her eyelashes, then beating people with a chair.’

(So I’m cheating a bit here, because this isn’t quite the middle, but I thought people likely to read this post would appreciate the Peggy Carter reference.)

7.

An Appropriate Reprimand

(An Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. fic)

From chapter 1 of 1:

Skye, a veteran of many childhood misdemeanours and punishments, raised her chin defiantly. Jemma, a veteran of consistent top-of-the-class performance, screwed up her face in terrified anticipation.

Sticking with posted fic rather than wips, here are a couple of little bits from my two completed Jane Austen fics

8.

The Trials and Triumphs of the Unmarried Sister

(A Persuasion | Pride and Prejudice crossover fic)

From chapter 4 of 7:

Miss Bingley was not to be pitied. Georgiana Darcy might be an heiress with thirty thousand pounds, but she was also a mere chit of a girl, who was so artless as to wish for nothing more than the approbation of her older brother, and so simple as to consider herself fortunate to be marrying a clergyman.

9.

Miss Elliott at Home

(A Persuasion ‘missing chapter’ fic)

From chapter 1 of 1:

Here he seemed struck by a sudden thought, and he looked around the room, then lowered his voice. “And bye the bye, Frederick, I think you might consider yourself fortunate in time, that the young lady, whose name I never recall, did choose the other fellow. For we sailors must seek out a wife who will look before leaping, and who is not so flighty that she will regret the life of the sea once the deed is done. And I’m afraid we can have little use for ladies who jump about and break their heads – however pretty their faces may be!”

10.

So number 10 is a total wild card. It’s from the very first fanfic I ever attempted, which I never finished or posted. It literally goes back decades. This is an X-Files fic, effectively a season 8-AU, in which Mulder still gets abducted, but Doggett is in denial about having some kind of psychic abilities: he keeps getting flashes from Mulder’s and Scully’s past/ memeories, which he doesn’t want and can’t control, whilst he’s working with Scully investigating Mulder’s disappearance.

This isn’t even really from the middle, but hey, it’s unfinished, so who’s to say where the middle is? I am including this mostly because I think I’m more likely to get abducted by aliens than ever finish writing this story, so here are several lines of dialogue, which are very unlikely ever to the light of day otherwise!

From Untitled X-Files WIP, consisting of 4, equally unfinished chapters:

“Oh, come on, Mulder: reincarnation, ghosts, walk-ins, vampires, zombies?  You must envisage having a pretty busy schedule in the afterlife.  I don’t know how your soul is going to fit it all in.”

He grinned appreciatively.  “Vampires don’t have souls, Scully.  Don’t you watch Buffy?”

She half-smiled.  He watched her in the dim light of the car.  “You’re not really worried about my immortal soul, are you, Scully?  Because, you know, you’re a Roman Catholic and I’m a half-Jewish atheist with a propensity to embrace a wide variety of Dark-Age superstitions without rationale or consistency.  Somehow, I don’t think we’re going to get to spend eternity together.”

“Why would you say that?” she asked softly.

If you are still here, thanks for reading this post. I had fun putting it together, so thank you for the tag from doctorhelena, whose stories I love. ❤️

(Tagging some people and anyone else who reads and wants to do it!)

[masterofrecords]

WIP Wednesday

A special occasion today - I’m finally (after, like... almost a 6-month hiatus) going ahead with the grand finale of my big Pathfinder campaign based on the same setting that I wrote my Angstober in. That, on the one hand means that I’ll have less time to work on Aquarium (sorry, all Ashenviper fans, but I doubt I’ll manage a chapter this week. Wait a bit longer. I promise it’ll be worth it). On the other it gave me a chance to revisit some old wips that I wrote in the same universe, namely about the frist time a certain couple of idiots meet (I wrote a bit about them being slightly less idiots here).

None of Ashton’s fantasies could have prepared him for the guy he found already waiting by his door almost half an hour before Ashton usually came in.

The stranger was short, at least half a head shorter than Ashton. His figure was hidden completely in dark, baggy clothes, and the lower half of his face hidden by a wide scarf, wrapped loosely several times around his neck. He had some kind of sword by his waist, though no visible armor. Some strands of hair fell from his low ponytail, covering his forehead, and in the faint light of the hallway Ashton couldn’t make out anything more than dark narrowed eyes staring at him.

“Hi,” Ashton waved awkwardly. “You must be, uh, Bailey?”

The other person nodded. “Phoenix Bailey. You must be… Mr. Khouri?”

Ashton waved him off and reached for his key. “Please, just Ashton is fine. Sorry, I hope you haven’t been waiting too long.”

A silence followed, and Ashton turned around to make sure Phoenix was still there.

“No,” came the stilted answer. Phoenix shifted his weight under Ashton’s probing gaze and added, “Not at all.”

Ashton blinked. The guy did not look convincing, but that was frankly none of his business. “You should get your own key, I’m pretty sure there should be a spare. Or I’ll make you a copy, whatever. In case you come early again.” He opened the door and motioned for his companion to enter.

Phoenix just nodded, looked between the desks and turned to Ashton, eyebrows raised and not a peep leaving his mouth.

“Well. You can choose whichever desk you like?’ Ashton tried to guess, seemingly correctly, because Phoenix nodded and settled his backpack on the ground by one of the tables. ‘There’s some tea on the upper shelf here, if you want.”

Phoenix stared at him blankly for a moment and Ashton wondered if he overstepped somehow. ‘No, I’m good,’ Phoenix eventually said, and promptly went on to ignore Ashton as he sat down, closed his eyes and seemed to start to meditate.

[gallavichfanficlibrary]

Hello. Sorry you've probably been asked this before looking for long fics of mickey and Ian getting a baby and raising them. Not mpreg

Hi! :) It’s okay, it’s actually an ask I didnt expect to come up with so few fics for. There aren’t that many long fics about them raising a child together, especially without mpreg. None that come to mind fit your description exactly, but this is what we could think of:

Hold Me Now - Over a year post-canon, Ian and Mickey receive news that has them revisiting the idea of having a child. (This one fits the most, but it’s a WIP, only one chapter in.)

Tag Team - A post S7 fic, following the next 20+ years of Ian & Mickey's lives. They have two kids. The pacing of the fic is pretty fast though, going through the years quicklier than usual.

Favours Owed is an early seasons divergent, so Ian and Mickey are broken up. Mandy leaves a baby and Mickey ends up raising it. Ian joins when they get back together.

There’s Moni Gallagher Milkovich series, but these are little snippets of life as Ian and Mickey raise their daughter. The fics are not in chronological order, so their daugther is in different ages there.

They also raise Yevgeny in broad-shouldered beasts, he’s not a baby baby there, just turned six in the beginning of the series, but there’s a lot of involvement from both of them in parenting him. 

This is all we could think of, everything else is either too short, or mpreg, or the focus of the story is not on their child.

We have a post with links to a couple of parents Ian and Mickey recs if anyone is interested in more kid fics, Yevgeny or not :)

[sparatus]

wip wednesday

tagged by @korblez mwah

still itlog, but something different this time - it’s interlude time babey, and we’re revisiting an old friend :3c for foreshadowing reasons, except also oops his c-ptsd decided to say hello, i planned for this to be shORT I SWEAR--

it slam dunked me back into batarian brainrot land tho so might work more on cry havoc

--

Morvarn clicked sympathy. Both right eyes were shut against Tarvok’s hand now, but he didn’t mention it, just let him work it out. An old, unwelcome guilt gnawed at his gut, and he forced himself to relax. In Dasrak, even the slightest hint of aggression towards a superior, even by accident, would have been grounds for retaliation tenfold, and Tarvok’s skeleton was riddled with the healed fractures to prove it. “Sorry,” he muttered, moving his claws away from Morvarn’s orbital ridges.

“For what?” Morvarn’s voice was gentle, quiet. Forgiving. It made Tarvok’s tongue swell up in his throat. “Your men are missing. You’re allowed to be upset.”

Tarvok didn’t move, didn’t speak, only trembled as hot shame flushed behind his cöncifaxda. Morvarn waited a couple of heartbeats, then finally shook Tarvok’s hand off his head so he could twist around and face him properly. “Tarvok,” he said, urgent but not scolding, and Tarvok couldn't decide if it hurt more or less that it wasn’t. His eyes searched Tarvok’s own, and he lifted a hand to grasp his bicep. “Come here.”

Obedience was easy. Swift, direct, no questions asked, and Tarvok hated every firing neuron that made it happen. He made to kneel, but Morvarn didn’t let him, the massive hand on his arm tightening and pulling him up and over instead. He ended up straddling him, the ex-cop’s trunk broad enough Tarvok’s hips almost, just barely, started to ache as he spread his knees for balance. Morvarn let go of him once he was sure he was steady, and his hands instead turned to sliding up Tarvok’s sides, his back, his shoulders, and then one went back down to settle at his hips while the other cupped the back of his head. “Tarvok, look at me,” he directed. His voice was maddeningly soft.

Tarvok flicked his lower eyes to Morvarn’s chin, the upper ones to his cöncifaxda. Then all four slid sideways to the ground. He just barely picked up the beginnings of a rattle in the back of Morvarn’s throat. “My eyes, Tarvok.”

He couldn't, he couldn't, he couldn't, but he’d been given a command. His own muscles betrayed him, like any good little slave henchman, not even granting him the dignity of reluctance before dragging his eyes back up to meet his superior's. Sarrebar would have sent him flying already. Just that little act of needing to be told to look was defiance, insubordination, disobedience. He'd let himself slip. It should have been instinct, carved into his bones and branded across his brain.

But Morvarn Taryn was not Ikothan Sarrebar, and when Tarvok looked into his eyes, all he found was worry and grief. "Tarvok," he murmured, voice as soft as his touch as he caressed the back of his skull. "It's okay. I'm not going to hurt you. You know that, right?" His thumb traced the edge of his cöncifaxda. "Come back to me, muün."

Tarvok's skin burned wherever he touched, his eyes stung, his entire body buzzed with tension and fear. Every trace of the fire that came so readily with anger was ice-cold, shut down wholly and completely and walled off behind thick asbestos sheets. He couldn't move, couldn't speak. The best he could do was stare into Morvarn's eyes, begging him to understand.

Morvarn had always been good at understanding. After a moment of quiet, he took a deep, steady breath and moved his hand to brush his thumb over Tarvok's lips. "Tarvok," he murmured, "You didn't hurt me. I'm not angry. It's okay. Take a deep breath."

His lungs obeyed automatically. Morvarn did it with him, deep and slow, and on the exhale Tarvok brought shaking hands up to grip Morvarn's forearm like a lifeline. His eyes slid shut as he leaned into the hand on his face, ignoring the pain shooting through barely-healed bone. "Seventeen years, Morvarn," he whispered, so low he almost didn't hear himself.

Morvarn rumbled, and his other arm curled around Tarvok's torso in a firm, reassuring hug. "Seventeen years out, thirty-two in," he reminded him. "Forty-one for me. Neither of us was going to get better overnight, not from what they put us through. But we got out, and we have each other. That's what matters. That's what separates us from them. The Hegemony wouldn't care about Odram and Ethrut going missing. You do. You're already a better man than you used to be."

Bile rose in Tarvok's throat, and he shook his head. "I should be out there looking for them. I made a promise."

"You're still healing." Morvarn pulled his head in for a feather-light kiss above his nasal ridges. "If they can be found, Kaza and Dirzhal will find them. At this point, I should think they know you won't abandon them. But you need to stay here, focus on healing. Don’t overexert yourself. There will always be another Sarrebar, another Ratosk, another Balak. There's only one you. And I'd like the one I've got to stick around."

[beevean]

Opinion: How could Sonamy progress in IDW?

[note: the original article was written in Spanish by @latin-dr-robotnik​]

Today we’re going to discuss a recurring topic on my blog, with a more complete perspective.

Today’s article was inspired by an ask I got a few days ago about my possible perspective on the future of IDW Sonamy. I thought it would be interesting to revisit and expand this topic, because it’s still something of great interest for thousands of fans all around the world, and because SEGA has recently adopted a very peculiar position on the couple and their dynamic. As I detailed on my article SEGA and its most recent Sonamy side – more canon than ever, the dynamic has been going through a shift that can be distinguished into two main parts: 1) the commercial potential of Sonamy as a merchandising and marketing icon; 2) the stability of the interactions in the comics, in the short monthly stories on Sonic Channel, and so on.

That being said, there’s no need to mention that we’re going to focus entirely and nothing more than on this ship. I usually suggest other articles for those who prefer to read on other subjects, but today I will recommend our Discord server [translator’s note: the server is mainly Spanish-speaking], where discussions about ships are limited on their own canal that is separated from other themes: general discussions, music, fangames and mods, fanfics, fanart and even gaming in general. As you know, if you want to bring something else to our community, or just avoid talking about Sonamy, you’re more than welcome to join. Now, back on track.

What’s going on with Sonamy in IDW?

To recap what’s happened in these last months: Sonic and his friends finally got through the nightmare that was the Metal Virus, he and Amy hugged a few times, and since very recently they’ve been involved in a short arc about Chao races in Twinkle Park Zone, with a sinister background. In these last months after the eradication of the virus, there have been much closer and warmer interactions between our two hedgehogs, and I suspect that part of this is what inspired that question in the first place: what’s going on?

As I commented in the article where I proposed that Sonamy is “more canon than ever” (I know that it’s an exaggeration, that was the point), SEGA is treading carefully and the main canon seems to be willing to negotiate a more open representation of the relationship between the two in their different continuities, from best friends to something more. What I did not expect to happen was reading an answer from Evan Stanley (artist and writer that replaces Ian Flynn) about their dynamic, summing it up with “they like each other”.

The redrawing of Sonic’s expression when Amy hugs him in a recent drawing of hers made people wonder if this was yet another example of SEGA’s “censoring” (comparison below), to which Evan answered that it was modified to keep Sonic in character: he’s a guy that does not show much emotional vulnerability or too many negative emotions, and this is why sometimes the artists have to adjust WIPs to keep in line with this official point of view. Evan assured that this is not any kind of confirmation that Sonic does not like Amy, and doubles down by highlighting that in the official material, in the wikis and on Sonic Channel they show that, and I quote: “They like each other, but Sonic just isn’t the kind of guy who is going to make goo-goo eyes at Amy or perform grand acts of romance. If you wanna see that, that’s what fan works are for.”

And Evan’s words are a great way to sum up what’s going on with IDW Sonic right now. When it comes to interactions, they’re working with two characters who deep down “like each other”, but both show it in their own way. Amy is much more proactive when it comes to express her feelings, while Sonic only sometimes shows a glimpse of his feelings, with a smile or a small gesture. But at the end of the day they’re still friends and, depending on the situation, the comic can focus more or less on these details.

Comparison between the first sketch showed by Evan and the final product. The modification of the expression was minimal: Sonic’s slight blush was changed into a smile, maybe being a little overwhelmed by the gesture of affection.

The “progression” of the dynamic in the future

A good part of the answer to this question is based on my idea that right now, when it comes to Sonamy, we reached some kind of comfortable plateau. What am I referring to? To the fact that there have been a lot of varied interactions in these last 3 years of the comic, and they’re everything I could have asked for and then some. When we talk about Sonamy in canon, as Evan said, we don’t tend to hope for great romantic gestures from Sonic, we barely even ask for a look that hints that they understand each other beyond what it seems at first glance, so the fact that the IDW continuity is betting so much on this ship is basically a dream come true. For this reason, I don’t think things will change much in the future.

If I have to make a prediction on Sonamy’s future in IDW, I believe that there are still a lot of possibilities that our known writers (and maybe new writers!) could explore more, to see what makes this dynamic work so well. Actually, about 10 years ago, Ian Flynn wrote that if they could take advantage of the abilities and similarities between the two characters as adventurous spirits and with a strong moral sense, they would be “like poetry in motion”. This largely happens in IDW Sonic if you look carefully, but there are always new stories to tell and opportunities for them to work together and explore a bit more their strong bond, stronger than other friendships that they share. When the next major arc comes (which seems to be getting closer), they could explore aspects of their dynamic that are slightly more experimental, like being separated for extended periods of time and under dangerous situations… as long as they don’t turn it into a painful experience like the Metal Virus arc.

What Ian Flynn wrote about Sonamy, what works and what doesn’t. This was written in 2011, when Archie Sonic was still the major comic continuity, and when, according to Ian, Sonic was still “tied” to Sally Acord, leaving little room to the writers’ opinions.

The reality is that I see a stable future for the dynamic in the IDW universe. Sonamy is not fit for a lot of drama (fights, breaking up, etc.) without feeling forced or completely out of place, and only fanfics and fanart could be capable of capitalizing on this kind of content. On the other hand, for reasons I detailed in past articles, SEGA would not dare to alter the established order of the dynamic, let alone new that they managed to recover and maintain control over the ways Sonamy is being portrayed everywhere. SEGA won’t pull a Dragon Prince, which ended up confirming the main ship and then they made them go through a crisis and break up in a heartwrenching way in the graphic novel that acts as a bridge between season 3 and 4.

In short

The future of IDW Sonamy is looking bright and stable. I don’t think there will be serious changes to what we’re experiencing right now, and this is why both Evan Stanley and Ian Flynn agree that the dynamic is practically in the perfect place, keeping in line to how SEGA wants them to be represented together. This means we won’t see more affectionate gestures than what we’re seeing now (I doubt we’ll ever see again Sonic offering Amy a rose like in Sonic X), but it also means that we have now a solid basis for our expectations. In the now old IDW Sonic #2, Sonic and Amy had the chance of seriously talking a bit about what they thought of each other, with Sonic being determined to keep living life his own way (although he wouldn’t mind Amy to accompany him… or even suggesting himself that she could come), and Amy being determined to respect his way of life, because that’s what she loves about him, and she doesn’t want him to change. Since then, all we have seen and we’ll keep seeing in the comic is a consequence of this key moment; the two philosophies that they have and they share, in a constant back-and-forth with some tense moments and some cute moments.

An interesting detail that wasn’t included in the ask and that makes me think is the possibility that all of this will feature in the games as well. This is a completely different matter for another day, but I like to think that there is the possibility that we��ll see SEGA being more interested in inserting more Sonamy in the games, even if in an indirect way like in Sonic Unleashed and its emotional support, especially if the rumors that we’re about to get a soft-reboot are true. Romance is not something Sonic games are famous for doing well… at all, but that doesn’t mean it would be a bad idea to add a little sprinkle of IDW Sonamy in the mix.

And finally, I think I’ve talked enough about this topic, As you know, we’re waiting for some news, and I hope we’ll see each other again here or on our Discord. We’ll see if on this 25th something interesting happens. In any case, see you next time!

The moment that shaped the present and future of their entire relationship, 3 years ago.

[crackinglamb]

💭 💻 👀

(@bdafic because Tumblr won't let me ask from a side blog)

💭 What is a headcanon you have about your own work?

*squints at this question* This could be taken a couple ways. Is it asking what headcannons I have from the perspective of the reader or the writer? (Yes, I'm easily distracted by semantics. I apologize, I have a partner who likes being 'technically correct' and I'm very practiced at debating him on it.) Anyhow...

I have a headcannon from a writer's perspective that mages can control their fertility, and especially ancient Elvhen. An immortal race would take steps to not overpopulate. It's rarely mentioned (only once, actually, in TSM), but is used broadly across all my Solas romance fics to eliminate the need for stated contraception. I probably should mention it more because...

From a reader's perspective: I've been asked if there will be accidental parenthood committed by Solas and Imogen in WG. Which I honestly hadn't considered. But it means that the readers are thinking about it. Which, valid. They're insatiable idiots together, after all.

💻 Do you do research for your fics? What’s the deepest dive you’ve done?

So much research. Yes, I like to take canon and tear it apart to its molecular level, but in order to do that, I have to know what I'm doing. Plus, having only actually played DA:I, trying to write characters from the other two games can be...challenging. Canon divergence? Yes. OOC behavior? Not if I can help it. 😂

Probably the deepest dive I've done was tracing the Theirin bloodline back as far as I could in order to make two characters distantly related enough to make my OC's existence plausible within canon's framework, but still closely related enough that her children could be heirs to the royal line. Something like three hours of research ended up being a single scene in the sequel fic and two or three lines in a oneshot. Worth it though.

👀 Do you have any WIPs that you would never let see the light of day? If yes, what are they about?

I never say never, so the short answer is no.

But it's unlikely I'll ever post my one and only MCU fic, simply because I've never felt it was finished and honestly, I'm kinda over that fandom entirely. The same goes for the sequel I've started no less than four times for one of my FO4 OC's. Just no interest in revisiting that 'era', I guess. At this point, a longfic version of my first Varric/Hawke will probably not be written either, although I might take what I do have and turn them into oneshots. *eyes the planned final ME fic with a deep, lamenting sigh* Yeah...probably isn't gonna happen.

On the other hand, I do have many, many other WIP's that never progressed far enough to become fully realized. I don't throw anything away, though, and a lot of 'discard pile' gets incorporated into other works where it fits. Examples include Solas's rebel stronghold that ended up in TSM and Imogen McLean's entire story, although it was going to be with a completely different MCIT first.

Thanks for the asks! 💕 (I'm glad I have anons turned on, lol)

From this list.

[tothedarkdarkseas]

If you could go back and rewrite one thing from any of your stories, what would you choose & why?

Also, almost the opposite question, is there any line you're really happy with, for any particular reason?

(First, thank you and thank you to everyone who sent something the night I posted. I'm sorry I wasn't able to respond right away, but it cheered me. I'm currently on break from my second go at passing a dreadfully long and dry technical exam to potentially move forward with a job. Wish me luck.)

This is tough-- it feels like I have too many answers and yet I struggle to definitively fish one out for both halves, haha. I've definitely thought that if I could rewrite Coffin Dancer, I would make it less romantic, make Murdoc less wholly sympathetic, give him a more distinct cruelty prior to the reveal. And I would perhaps restructure it to take the explicit advances on Murdoc's part out; I don't think it's a bad thing for fanfiction necessarily (how could you pass it off as proper ship fic otherwise?) but if I were ever to revisit the bones of that idea in a short story, I think that element would possibly be muddying the water. Just something I've pondered!

I'd also like to rewrite Stuart's half of their dynamic in all the early fics, notably If I Couldn't Feel and Midnight Coward, and make him a bit meaner, haha. I don't think anyone else wants that, but I do! Not a specific detail here, but I'd just like to rewrite all of it in general, clean up all the clunk and awful dialogue; I can't reread most things because they make me too self-conscious, it was all far too clumsy.

Ah, well, despite my embarrassment over much of the writing, there are a few lines I like. Oysters and Ampersands I think would probably each have a couple of favourite lines. One per story to keep it simple:

In truth, he never really stops feeling their rightful placement—he’s always felt the other man far above him, even puddle-soaked and pit-eyed on the bloody pavement. Theirs is a history of crashing and sinking, it’s breathlessness and it’s mounting pressure on every side, but he’s not sure his own plunging has ever been what’s brought him any closer to Stuart. He’s just pulled him deeper, deeper still until there’s nothing else quite so far down; it’s a lighter thing’s misfortune to be chained to an anchor like Murdoc.

I do worry the middle part of this is a bit too garbled, could maybe trim that, but I like the beginning and ending and hope that's enough to forgive any clunk. This is a line I would (and have!) use to describe Murdoc's own impression of his impact on Stuart's life in the least romantic, least gratifying, most succinct way possible: "It’s a lighter thing’s misfortune to be chained to an anchor like Murdoc."

It’s dim in the room, but not so dim to spare him the shame of being seen. Russel looks at him like the PT nurses did by his tenth, maybe twelfth week back in hospital after waking: like he’s not getting better. It’s not a great weeping sort of sorrow, but a small and uncomfortable pity. It’s wishing to look elsewhere. It’s wishing Stuart would do more to right himself and function normally, like decent people do, out of respect for their watching.

I have sort of a revisiting of this in the WIP which I may like better, I'm still undecided-- but I very much like the sentiment of it. It's an angle on Stuart's perception of himself and his othering from those around him that I hope to keep exploring and show you a bit more of.

Thank you!

[chamiryokuroi]

Just wanted to tell you that your Version of Elijah looks positivly adorable. An adorable teenage cinnamon bun - if a bit murderous. I have a WIP on Assassins Creed and wanted to know if I could use your art in there. Also what did Kent do - beside looking quite cute? Kyo and Kei look good too. And I'm envoius of your art skills and the fact that all three rock long hair.

I am glad you like my baby boi Elijah so much! I had lots of fun thinking on how to draw him since we dont really have much from the comic. About using it as long as credit is given that’s fine with me, please also link me when you post it so I can read the story :D

Now about my OCs

Ok if I am to talk about their stories I need you all to get cool about a lot of stuff real fast.

First of all I need you all to understand I created this characters when I was 15 back in the early 2000s when the whole Emo movement was going strong, this is important, context is important, I was an angsty teenager like everyone else and I had the luck of being able to express myself through art so yeah.

Anyways what did Kent do?... welp... short answer... serial killer cannibal... I know... I know... listen I KNOW

I’m not going to go into detail of his backstory because there are a lot of messed up stuff on it that could potentially be triggering for some people but let it be know that he has a “reason” as to why he is the way he is, not an excuse, I never, not once, not even back then, considered his past as an excuse, what he does as a character is morally wrong but like I said he was the character where I could go crazy and just shove on him all the messed up thinks that I wanted to explore in a safe way, that’s mostly why I am not embarrassed about him and why even to this day I keep on drawing him, because messed up or not he is my baby and he helped me a lot when I was young.

But that’s his past and I didnt really touch much into it, the main story would be on his friendship with Kyo, Kei and Kaoz.

While Kent was the, let’s call him weird, character, these two, Kyo and Kei, were the normal ones, they’re just orphan twins, adopted by a sweet old couple, who inherited their coffee shop once they passed away and decided to keep the business going.

Kei is the pastry chef, even tho he has the “cool” look he is totally a sweetheart that loves spending his time in front of an oven, he was actually my first aromantic character even before I knew that was a thing, as in I did think about love interests for all my other characters, but I could never pin down one for him, fast forward a few years and after I have been more active on the lgbt community I realized “Ah, he’s aro”

Kyo is the barista, the more mature and responsible of the two of them, he manages the finances of the store and is constantly worried about providing a good living place for his younger brother (and eventually for his friends Kent and Kaoz when they move in).

Kaoz was the second son to an important family and he was also kind of a hitman (again, early 2000’s, teenage drama, I just did what I wanted with this story let me be) anyways he leaves home when he discovers his older brother had killed their parents to take over the business and he wasn't cool with that but also didn't have it in him to get rid of his brother.

Kyo and Kei know nothing of Kent past, Kaoz knows but he hasn’t told anybody.

Now story wise? There wasn’t really much, it was just me doing like daily stories about them, small scenes of their lives and the problems that would arise because of their backstories, I was more interested on them as characters than in actually giving them a story plot. Mind you the one thing I knew is that this story couldn’t have a happy ending. If you were to go to my DA account you will find more about them there, but again, young me, teenage, be mindful there is a lot of stuff that is most definitely not safe for everyone to read/see.

Even so, after everything, they are my babies, and I still love them, maybe in the future I will revisit their stories and make changes, but I do love their designs and they fill me with happy nostalgia emotions so I do not think I will stop drawing them any time soon.

[nordlichtgeschichten]

Writer Asks!

Asks from @writtendevastation :3

1. What are you working on now?

Uhhh, right now, mostly a horror fic for a zine; still got 2 rounds of editing to do. Also currently making the 2nd draft of Finding Magic, but the horror fic has a deadline and I already asked for an extension so uh. Gotta hurry.

2. How long have you been working on this WIP now and has anything changed since I last asked about the WIP??

The horror fic, not too long. Joined the zine server on March 16th, and started some time later. FInding Magic I started when I was... 15?? So 9 years ago maybe? Don’t think much has changed there recently, but I haven’t done much work, either *pensive emoji*

3. How many scrapped WIPs do you have and why did you scrap them?

Not many, most just hibernate indefinitely. I completely scrapped and deleted one story where a bunch of kids (self-inserts for me, my crush, and a few friends, plus some boys to be their love interests) ended up in a fantasy world, and one where the MC runs away from home to live in the forest, but her cat follows her and it was supposed to end with her being basically feral and not quite human anymore. Not deleted, but scrapped, I have one about two horses, one whose human dies when they get attacked during a hunt, making the human’s parents chase out the horse, and the other horse being a wild horse running away from some humans who captured him. Semi-scrapped I also have one about a girl who’s curious about demon stuff, and manages to actually summon a demon who ends up luring her to become a demon herself. Scrapped ‘em because... None of them were very good tbh, though I might revisit some or all of them at some point. Definitely got interested in reworking Dark Sides (the semi-scrapped demon one) a while ago at least. Also semi-scrapped a wlw detective couple, I’ll probably still use the characters but probably in very different roles (maybe a romcom how they meet, or maybe I’ll make them journalists instead one being a writer and the other being a detective)

4. How many OCs do you have across all your WIPs? (im not counting people you give names that are mentioned once and never again)

Many, I never counted.

5. If your characters could be stuck in any video game or tv show, what would it be? Why, and would they survive?

(Gonna save that question and do it as a separate post, I think this’ll be fun but I have enough OCs it’d make this super long)

6. What is the longest time youve worked on a single WIP?

Theoretically... 10 years? I think that’s when I started Changes, but there were long breaks in between.

7. When did you first start writing as either a hobby or full time?

Phew uh, I think I was 10-12? Had some long breaks, tried being more serious when I was 16-19 or so, and got really into it again like 2 years ago at 22 I think. Breaks were shorter if we’re also counting forum RPGs, but still there.

8. What is your average wordgoal for a novel?

For a novel, I’d try to go for 50k or more, but I don’t want/need all I do to be novels; for short stories, there isn’t really a minimum, though I kinda try to go over 1k.

9. How many drafts do you plan to do for any of your WIPs?

Short stories always get 4 drafts, 4th gets posted. Not sure yet for FM (since that’s the most complete one), considering I want to publish that and that means also getting a professional editor etc, but I’d guess at least 2-3? Especially since I don’t outline.

10. Who is the hardest character to write and why?

Hm... The MC for NaNo 2020 who still needs a new name, though that’s not really something about her character but because that was written in 1st person present tense, but I’m more used to 3rd person past tense.

[coepiteamare]

2020 in fic

2020 was terrible year but an okay year of fic considering i didn’t really write till october. 

STATS: fics: 1 fic; i wrote drabbles because i can’t write long fics. but i wrote 8 drabbles? female pov: 8 male pov: 1 (i thought i had more but nope, they’re all wips) both pov: 0 (i haven’t written anything long to justify both pov) total word count: (lol, i’ll update this later but i know it’s absolute shite) OVERALL: Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted? both! i started this blog in january, wrote two things, then forgot about it because life kind of took over. because i didn’t write for so long, i didn’t intend on coming back, but i realized that i had a couple wips for the dictionary of lovers that i never uploaded so i came back sometime in october? (i published one and then kind of tucked away the rest because i wasn’t sure what i quite wanted to do with tdol)

i started off this year intending to write and finish tdol (26 drabbles), but that didn’t end up happening, so less. but when i stopped, i also didn’t think i would ever come back to posting, yet here i am! and i’ve posted drabbles and have a bunch in the wip folders, so more! tl;dr: less than i thought but also more than i thought. What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? i don’t write cross fandoms anymore (though that was my start in ff, my peak poetry days), but i never thought i would write 2nd pov/memberxreader because i started off writing memberxmember fics for bangtan, so i suppose that!  Did you take any writing risks this year? most definitely. i never thought i would write 2nd person pov, but here i am. and i didn’t think i’d write memberxreader, but here i am! (a bundle of surprises i am) 2nd person pov is actually a lot harder for me to write, but i’m getting better at it. 

pens and paperwork actually has a lot of dialogue and less purple prose: i think it’s the one piece i wrote that was less emotion based and more plot, which is very out of character for me. it’s also a little (a lot) different than what i normally write, so that was also a risk, but i enjoyed writing that one so much: it’s definitely one of my favourite pieces and i want to flesh out that universe a little more. Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the New Year? write! longer! fics! i want to rewrite “the dictionary of lovers” and put it together into a long fic. i have a multiverse fic that i’ve been planning out, and i want to finish 9,719km and make it at least 10K: i want to practice fleshing out characters and worlds. my goal in general is just to write a long fic (9,719km, i’m looking at you). and also return to writing memberxmember fics too (i have a namgi fic in the works and there are def taekook ideas). get better at writing openings and closing and titling fics. god, i suck at titles. 

also, i would very much like to publish most of my wips. so, future violet, here’s to hoping you do that.  What were last year's goals? this is my first year, but last year, my goal was to just start a writing tumblr and write! and i’ve managed to do that! so yay  🎉  BEST AND WORST: My best story of this year: nine thousand, seven hundred nineteen kilometers. i love it to bits and pieces and i had it in my drafts for a while? because i wanted to publish it as a full fic but who knows when that will be, so i published it anyways. also this part was so much better than the other parts, so no regrets, i suppose. i think it is my favourite piece i’ve written, along with pens and paperwork, because it’s so different from what i’m used to writing? (both are also yoongi fics, funny enough) i definitely think it’s less purple prose (though 9,719km def has elements of that still; can’t get it out of my system) so hs me would not have approved, but i love it to smithereens. i try to not read any of my fics after posting them though because i’m incapable of letting it be: i have to perform autopsies on it, pick at the bad parts, cut open the good ones for flaws, until it’s virtually unrecognizable and ruined, so i can’t bring myself to reread it, but as of now, from what i remember, i think it’s my best story.  My most popular story of this year: love is a losing game (we played anyways): i’m so flattered and in awe that people actually liked this story because it was so hard for me to write. it’s only 1k and it took me a good week before i could publish it because i kept tripping over the language. and i felt (still feel) like pre-dialogue and post-dialogue are two different stories, which was extremely frustrating for me. i think i can write dialogue (this story is a different beast, just because of the nature of the beginning) but it’s really hard for me to combine poetry/prose with dialogue. i feel like it throws it off but the only other way to write it would be in a short bit compilation (i’ll write fics like that again someday) and i didn’t feel like it would work for lialg. (funny story: it was actually a royalty!namjoon fic where he wants to give her the world but it turns out she was a spy and she essentially burns his kingdom to the ground) i’m honestly not too happy about how it turned out but i’m still glad people enjoyed it!  Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: none! i really didn’t expect to have an audience, so people stopping and reading my fics? wild. Most fun story to write: pens and paperwork. that drabble was so much fun to write and i loved the characters. also gave me the least amount of headaches, probably because it kind of wrote itself once i started. i really do want to expand on that universe, just because i want to revisit it and explore 007′s background (maybe write about 005 and 006 as a spin off though whether i want to make it taexreader or taexjimin is to be determined) and yoongi’s journey in the MI6/NIS as well!

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: probably pens and paperwork? i’ve always known that yoongi was a dynamic and versatile person but that fic really did it for me. i can totally see him being this sarcastic, dry person, but also someone with a lot of love and care for others, like he does with 007 by bringing her alc when she’s in pain and generally trying to distract her as she’s getting stitches. someone who’s as loud as they are quiet. i definitely want to write more soft yoongi though. 

Hardest story to write: i am your ocean (your little mermaid). hands down. i don’t know if tae is just really hard to write (for me) or if that fic was a monster of it’s own, but i spent two+ weeks working on it. it went through so many storyline revisions and changes and then even after i had a decent idea of the final plot, it took me another week to write fucking 1.4k. absolutely awful. do i like it? i don’t even know. but i don’t like hoarding fics, so it’s out there for the word to pick at, to dissect it’s anatomy, to taxidermy it.  Biggest disappointment: the movietheaterworker!oc x marvelnerd!jk fic that i never published. i don’t know if it’s just bad or it’s just not what i wanted but i haven’t touched it since october (and idk if i want to look at it) so that says something. 

in terms of something i published, probably “heart” from tdol. i re-read it recently and it just felt really bleh to me? i should have more attachment to it considering it’s my first drabble on this account but nope. some parts of it are cute but it’s so clunky. i don’t like it.  Biggest surprise: pens and paperwork or monsters under the bed. pens and paperwork because of how much i loved it/how fast it wrote itself and how much i liked it afterwards, even though it’s written in a much different style than i normally write? monsters under the bed because it was written with no direction and honestly feels like a fever dream (though i did have a backstory to jk’s character and his relationship with oc), yet it still was well liked! i kind of posted it as the start to the “things you said” drabble collection and was like here goes nothing, but people seemed to really enjoy it!! which was very surprising. and my butterfly, noor, called me the bob ross of fanfiction (that still cracks me up) so!  Most unintentionally telling story: hmmm...probably anything from tdol. i’ve been so fortunate to have such beautiful, healthy, intimate platonic relationships, but the one (two if we’re being generous, which we most def are if counting it) romantic relationship i’ve had was quite awful and extremely toxic. (ask me about it if you want to: i like to rant about it from time to time) so tdol is a creation of wishful thinking, of what i think a healthy relationship should look like, through the ups and downs, the highs and lows. because i don’t have experience with healthy romantic relationships, i def put a lot of my friendships and bits and pieces from those into tdol. and it’s not published yet, but there’s an unwritten piece from tdol where oc talks about how she doesn’t believe in love but jk very much is a hopeless romantic, and that’s me writing me into a fic so. 

HIGHLIGHTS + WRAP-UP: Favorite opening lines:

(god, i suck at opening lines)

tdol “perfect” + coming back home to you would always be one of the highlights of my day. whenever the sun shined for a little too long, a storm would hit, but this--coming home to and closing the day with you--was one of the few things in life that was completely and utterly mine to have, out of the reaches of whatever was out there that made sure the road was never too smooth. [note: this isn’t THE opening line but we’ll ignore that]

9,719km + paris is much quieter than the places you’re used to, but it’s not a bad thing.

Favorite closing lines: (i struggle so much with these) i’ll be your ocean (your little mermaid) + the enfilade of rain continues and pelts against the windowpane, against your balcony floor. 

monsters under the bed + but when he opens his eyes again, to the blaring 1:01AM of his clock, you’re no longer by his side. 

9,719km + p.s. did you miss me? + maybe he’s just as potent as a habit, just as hard to kill. 

Favorite lines in general: i’ll be your ocean (your little mermaid) + you let the words fall from your lips, dribble down your skin like water droplets, and dissipate in the ocean of your feelings. watch them dissolve into the seafoam of your being and sink down, down, down. + it feels a little like that now as you card your fingers through his sweaty locks, dyed red like ariel’s, bright red against the blue of both your feelings. 

love is a losing game (we played anyways) + he looks at you like you hold the secrets of the universe, even as he tears through the valley of your breasts with the claws of his ambitions and devotion. + (the summary line: he builds cathedrals in your name, whispers prayers into your skin, and you shatter the stained glass windows of his dreams.) 

9,719km + nothing has been able to keep him out: not the gallery treasury in newport beach with its earthquake proof alarm system, not the cartier vault in new york city with its impressive randomized laser grid, and certainly not the flimsy, fickle alarm system of your heartbeat. 

LIST OF COMPLETED STORIES: [note: does tdol count? i’ll put it here anyways. also i suck at titles] the dictionary of lovers: heart the dictionary of lovers: confirmation the dictionary of lovers: perfect love is a losing game (we played anyways) monsters under the bed pens and paperwork i’ll be your ocean (your little mermaid) nine thousand, seven hundred nineteen kilometers you feel like a holiday

WIP TEASERS: welcome to wonderland (we’re all mad here) (aliceinwonderland!au) summary: queen of hearts!jk x alice!reader

excerpt: be careful in the woods, they whisper. so many girls have gotten lost and made it out with just their bodies intact, bones rattling hollow and mind astray. the girls mumble about tea parties with madness, about croquet games with the heads of the executed, before they are wheeled off to hospitals, still talking to the wall. 

be careful in the woods, they warn. it preys on your fear and feeds on your sanity, if you linger too long. 

i know you (i’ve walked with you once upon a dream) (dreamwalkers!au) summary: oc works for the department of dreams: bureau of night terrors as a dreamwalker. jungkook has chronic nightmares.

excerpt: They tell lucid dreamers to look down at their hands, notice the garbled image to recognize they’re in a dream. Your brain backtracks to what it last remembers. A click of the seatbelt, Jimin’s soft “sleep tight,” the cool air inside the tank. Darkness. You grip the wand a little tighter. 

Dreamscapes are weird, you think as you conjure up an ironwood table and a cup of earl grey. The fabric of reality is so thin, so permeable and malleable with the right amount of knowledge. If you think really hard, slip a hand through that curtain, you can still feel the cold air lingering on your skin from the tank. You look down at your watch. 8:44. Eight hours and fourty four minutes left to wander through other people’s nightmares. 

if the world was ending (you’d come over, right?) (au where the world slowly comes to a halt and you find yourself calling your ex. inspired by “if the world was ending” by jp saxe and julia michaels) summary: ex!tae x female!reader

excerpt: The world starts to freeze over when you’re on the bus ride home. 

Pedestrians pause in the middle of the sidewalk; cars decelerate in the middle of accelerations. The chatter in the bus groans to a stop, like a radio after the plug has been pulled, as everyone slowly freezes. Your hair, which once fluttered in the breeze, gently falls back into place. 

The traffic light is red. 

You pull your earbuds out. It’s quiet. Too quiet. 

“Hello?” you whisper, shaking the arm of your neighbor. No response. The silence is loud, almost deafening.

“Hello?” you walk down the aisle to where your driver sits. His face is still. Annoyance clouds his eyes, chest puffed like he was about to take a deep breath. One he’ll never take again. 

You shuffle your feet back and trip on the stairs, back slamming against plexi glass and metal.

The light never turns green. 

untitled (mermaid!au)

excerpt: Jungkook loves the sea, but he thinks he might like you a little bit more. You, with the sea breeze in your hair and summer storm in your eyes. There’s something about the way you sparkle like the ocean top, sun skimming across skin, that makes him think you might be more than human, a trick of light, an optical illusion.

untitled (desert princess x pirate!jk au) summary:  i love you the way ocean clings to shore, the way the horizon wants the sea, but, darling, we were never meant to be

excerpt: you’re pretty sure the ocean is enchanted, bright blue waters glimmering with magic. nothing else could explain how jeon jungkook, notorious pirate and thief, owns eyes that twinkle like the night sky and a face that puts the sunset to shame, unless he managed to somehow steal those too. you wouldn’t put it past him. + they name hurricanes after girls, he tells you. a prayer for gentleness, a hope for small casualties. huh, you reply, whoever came up with that idea must never have been caught in the storm of a girl. 

IN CONCLUSION: 

wow, could i be any more conspicuous about which drabble i like the most? why do i use so many parenthesis? also, i suck at titles and opening and closing lines. but hey, i’m trying, and sometimes that’s all i can ask from myself. i wrote a lot less than i thought but also more than i thought, so cheers to that. maybe next year will be better, maybe it’ll be worse. who knows? hopefully it’ll read easier though.  p.s. if you’ve read this and if you’ve read anything i’ve written, thank you for reading. thank you for sticking through the calamity of my thoughts, through the hurricane of my mind. you have no idea how much it means. i hope i’m able to make your day a little better, a little brighter, a little light in this time of darkness.  p.p.s. i’ve made a few friends on tumblr. i won’t tag them because i don’t want to put them through this awful clusterfuck of words, but if any of you read this, hi. you’ve really shaped my tumblr experience and i’m so glad to have met you all.  noor (papillionsgf): my butterfly, i adore you. you were my first tumblr friend and you’ve been nothing but sweet to me. thank you for talking to me and thank you for our lovely conversations, for letting me squeal about tfua, for  i absolutely adore you.  hana (cutechims): the two of us are awkward potatoes, and i still need to rewatch batman begins, but thank you for always being so sweet, so kind. i love talking with you and reading everything you write. you make me smile when i see you on my dash, with every response you send. jlin (bratkook): i slid into your tumblr dms because you’re so talented and so awfully pretty. i absolutely enjoy our conversations about rich folxs and karens, and i really hope the pandemic comes to an end because i would love to meet you in person and teach you aerial! (also i will bake you lots of cookies) erin (yeojaa): hi lovely. i adore you to the moon and back and to be honest, you still intimidate me because i love your writing so much, but i wanted to say how much i adore you and how i love talking to you. i hope you’re taking care of yourself and staying warm and i hope to get to know you better in 2021!

notes: adapted from lj, where i started writing! i used to see this a bit on lj (or maybe it was the circle of writers i followed) but i figured i’d bring it over here because it’s a good reflection piece and tumblr feels like a good place for that. 

[ellebabywrites]

where i’ve been...

shdfb hi.. remember me... i’m back 😅 Oh god it’s been a good year since ive logged onto this blog (I mean other than a few random rants here and there lol) and even longer since I've opened any of my WIPs... so I feel like I owe y'all at least some kind of explanation..

2020 was hell. the world became some kind of movie and we didn't even get zombies :/ for me personally It was really hard to adapt to the new normal we’re in...

Work and Autism..

I went back to work in August and struggled to adjust straight away.. as y'all already know I was diagnosed with asd at the start of the year and I underestimated just how badly I would be affected by everything.. I read an article on ‘autism in lockdown’ and someone said that they felt things progress 3x more in 2020 than they would a normal year.. and I've felt that all too much as well.

since being at work again, especially in the christmas period, i've become more sensitive to my sensory triggers, sounds and temperature changes particularly. I’ve been ticking so much more, hitting myself and making weird noises whenever i'm sensorily overwhelmed (my boss calls it ‘cardi b trills’ 😂)

I've had to learn about my condition as I go and pretty much alone.. resources for late diagnosed adults are few and far between (thank god for the meme pages that helped me feel normal lol) I brought a tangle for work and a million plushies/blankets for home 😂 it’s been a hard adjustment but I am, in regards to my asd, starting to do a lot better..

Covid..

all this bullshit and still no zombies 😠 ridiculous... my country has been a mess with how they’re handling this pandemic. it’s embarrassing. people here don’t seem to care anymore and it’s been really disheartening to see every day.. i’ve let it get to me more than i wanted to 😅 like i’m sure a lot of people have, my mental health has been a wreck through this all, and being high risk yet still an ‘essential worker’ ( yes coffee do be essential :|) it’s taken a lot out of me... this time ( 3rd lockdown’s a charm??) i’ve been furloughed again so i’m able to shield at home which is a godsend for my finances, also helping give me time to take care of my ticks and understanding coping mechanisms… it is a bit sad though because i do miss being out and seeing other humans, but i guess it’s a safer option right now right…

Personally…

So if you saw my ‘elles d appointment updates’ tag then you know the story loooooooool we don't need to revisit THAT😅 long story short…. Boyfriend 🥰🙈 yup that's right girls gays and they’s, apparently throwing up on a dude is the way to go… we’ve been together since then and i feel like such a teenager omfg shoot me.. I love him 🤢he loves me🤢 now if this damn pandemic could be over so we could spend actual real time together before he leaves the country in 6 months that would be greaaat

Writing…

Despite not being active on here or updating any of my wips for a while, I have been writing a lot for my book!! It’s almost finished and I have a couple of publishers interested in seeing the final product so I'm super excited! It’s like a part of my soul is in the book and I can’t wait for it to be out in the world for people to enjoy themselves! With a lot of encouragement from my boyfriend, I've started planning out a second book too!! I feel like a real author omfg 😂

Fear not my beautiful lovelies, I’m coming back to my fic works here too!! I miss my stories and characters and finally feel ready to reopen those wips!! Taking more requests and staying consistent!

I’ve missed you all so much and hope you keep faith in me and my work!!

[hallie-fics]

author spotlight - smc_27

When they’re grabbing her handcuffs behind her back, pulling her back towards the car, she turns her head and finds Harry’s eyes. He looks scared, and she almost calls him a coward, but knows he’s very well aware that he is one. He just is.She won’t look away from him. He needs to know, too, that he did this. He did this.Maybe the only thing that’s real between them is the fact that he could do something about it and doesn’t. Maybe that’s all there is.

Everything’s Blurry But You @livinginrhythm​

This author is easily one of my favorites for this fandom. Their dialogue and how they write the hallie dynamic is pretty much unparalleled. I always know that a story is going to be good when I see that they wrote it.

q & a

Favorite of your stories (and why)

So far (for this pairing) I really like Words Are Too Hard To Keep On Their Own. Those who know me from other fandoms know I’m an angst-fiend, but for this pairing I’m really drawn to the idea of an easiness between them. I really thought (and think) that AUs are sort of the only way to make that happen without making everyone out of character. I also just love Portland, so it was fun to think about them in that city. I also tend to be really into imagining what characters will be like once they’re through their ‘asshole’ phase.

Easiest story to write

Definitely the NYE story (By The Coast When I Held your Hand). Not only because it’s short, but because I had a pretty clear idea of the beginning and the ending, and filling in the blanks was simple enough. I have a Very Bad Habit of writing incredibly long stories; even my ‘drabbles’ are thousands of words. This one, though, was done in a couple hours. (I have also started a followup to it, so you may see that eventually…)

Hardest story to write

A post-S1 WIP that was literally the second thing I started writing for this pairing! It’s 15k words currently and I’m really struggling to wrap it up. Probably because so much time has passed between when I started it, and now. I’m really hoping to finish it very soon and post it. 

Pre-writing process (if any)

Usually it goes like this: Get an inkling of an idea, or line of dialogue in my head, flail about it to friends. Say that I shouldn’t start a new thing when I have WIPs that could use attention. Start anyway. I’m not a big outliner (though I know that would likely be more productive!). I usually just sit down and start writing and see what happens. 

When I used to write multi-chapter stories, I would never post the first chapter until I was completely done writing the story. This was for a few reasons, the most important of which being that in the beginning, I found the pressure to update and suggestions from readers really threw me off and were sort of demotivating. 

I also read/edit everything twice before posting, and then read again once it’s posted and usually have to go back and fix little things I didn’t catch the first time. I’ve never really used a beta, or anything, though I definitely share WIPs with friends who read them and help encourage me!

Hopes for season 2

Honestly, I have a few different things I’d love to see happen, and I say them all with pretty much no hope they’ll be true to what happens on screen. 

One, I think it would be sooo interesting if S2 showed us an alternate universe in which everything is normal. They never went to New Ham, and are just typical high school students with typical high school drama. I want to see how Harry and Kelly break up, how Allie and Will interact, how/if Sam and Grizz get together. And ultimately, I still want Harry and Allie to hook up, and then to see what happens afterward in a world where nothing is as messed up as New Ham. 

Two, I want there to be a focus on getting Campbell the eff out of the way, by whatever means necessary. I of course want Allie to have a hand in that. I’m really interested to see how they handle her ‘arrest’. (This is, mostly, what prompted me to start my post-S1 fic, and I’ve explored that a lot.) 

Three, Harry Bingham redemption arc! Writers can feel free to slot this into any and all storylines/ideas for S2. 

Favorite line (or lines) that you’ve written for a hallie fic/ a section that you’re really proud of.

I really like this, from you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes: She feels the deep breaths he takes - three in a row, like some kind of coping mechanism. It’s what her mom always used to tell her to do, when she’d be mad at Cassandra for taking all the attention. Even now, she’s got to wonder why she was always the one who had to do something about it, and why Cassandra was never asked to change anything about herself. It’s not the time to think of that. It’s never the time to think of that.

I also love the whole bit in Everything’s Blurry But You when they’re outside alone on the terrace at the wedding and Harry tells her, “Trust me. I know what being in love with you looks like.”

What type of Hallie stories do you like to write/read? (canon divergence, modern au, soulmate au, etc)

Any and all, thank you. As long as it’s well-written, I can get into it.

How long have you been writing for?

I’ve been writing fanfic for over 10 years now.

How has your writing style evolved over time?

I used to write a lot of multi-chapter stories with long, winding plots. Now I stick mostly to oneshots or what ends up being two or three part stories with really long chapters. I also revisit old fic sometimes and cringe; I’ve gotten much more comfortable writing dialogue that feels believable. 

Do you ever worry about how your stories are received?

Who doesn’t!? 

What’s the hardest part of writing for you?

Just...doing it. Finding the time and then also being inspired/focused when the time is available. I also tend to write better late at night, but do require a regular sleep schedule and have a 9-5ish, so staying up super late isn’t the best idea for me!

Do you get writers block and if so how do you deal with it?

Of course - I think everyone does at some point or another. Honestly, I try to be gentle with myself and not force it. I can feel it in my writing when things aren’t flowing as well. The actual stories feel clunky and slow. I also find it helps to read other peoples’ work or watch really good shows/content to get inspired or take a break from trying to make words happen. Sometimes I’ll ask friends for prompts to help me get into a flow, which feels like less pressure than diving back into a WIP.

Favorite Hallie headcanon?

That they had all these little interactions pre-New Ham. We know they weren’t strangers, so I just love to think about the ways they’d interact before. Conversations they may have had, looks they shared, and if I’m being honest, all the times Harry would’ve flirted with Allie. I feel like he would’ve done it just to annoy Cassandra, and I am here for it.

This is definitely one of my favorite author spotlights. I love @livinginrhythm‘s hopes for season two, and I can’t wait for any more potential stories by them! Thanks again for taking the time to answer these questions!

[kyluxtrashpit]

2019 Fic Recap

So I’ve done this for the past few years and I started doing it at the end of 2019 but never managed to finish it. I think between TROS and IRL and then I got really, really sick, I just haven’t had the chance to do so. But fuck it, I decided to finish it anyway even though it’s now 3 months late lmao. So anyway, a recap of my 2019 fics

Total wordcount: 96 419 words. Which is less than last year, but still not too shabby. I wish I could’ve banged something out to get it over 100k but eh, it just didn’t happen. I definitely have enough wip words and whatnot to get me over that bump, though

Tough Love, 6572 words, posted Jan 17

So this was an experimental one. As you all know, I’m pretty hard on the sub!Kylo/dom!Hux train. But I had a conversation with a friend and it turned into one of those ‘okay, I don’t like x dynamic because of a, b, and c. But is it possible to write x without those and make it into something I like?’ and as it turns out, yes, yes it was. Thus this fic happened and here we are. I still really like it and I have a lot of Feelings on this dynamic vs the one I usually write, but that’s an essay in and of itself lmao. It got some great feedback too, which was cool

Take My Breath Away, 1230 words, posted Feb 7

Ah yes, this one, which was based off a throwaway KOTOR ability but was an excuse for me to write Kylo getting stuffed from both ends with some asphyxiation thrown in. And also extremely rough sex + softer aftercare is a weakness of mine haha, so I just had to do it

Fix You, 1994 words, posted Feb 10

So this was my first piece for Bad Things Happen Bingo, which is an event I’m still planning to finish at some point lmao, and that I’ve had a lot of fun with so far. This fic was another that I tried for a more ‘classic’ feel with, though it’s a lot softer. The uncomfortable intimacy. The ‘feelings are happening but we won’t talk about them’. The shaky trust. All of that good stuff. I had fun with it

Keep Your Enemies Closer, 1657 words, posted Feb 24

Another for BTHB! I just love when Hux wins, okay. And I think this was one of those time periods where Kylo was doing all the winning in fics and I just. Needed something different lmao. Emperor Hux remains one my all time fave ideas and it’s still a shame canon never gave it to us. But I have the power to make it happen, so I did. Plus Kylo in a shock collar is always fun >:)

Indulgence, 17 357 works, completed Apr 19, first posted Mar 28

So! This was a continuation to my experiment from above and really it was just an excuse for lots of smut and pampering lmao. Much as I had thought I had said everything I wanted to say with Tough Love, apparently I had not, and this monstrosity formed. There may be a third, more serious piece to finish off the series this year, but I haven’t decided yet. Although, I have to admit, I’m still surprised how poorly this fic did feedback-wise, especially compared to its predecessor and considering it’s the more popular dynamic these days. Tbh some of my best smut is in this fic imo, but ah well, sometimes people just don’t like things and I suppose I have to accept that, even if I’m really, really proud of that thing

(Okay and the rest are behind a cut for length)

Best Served Bloody, 2666 words, posted Apr 29

Another BTHB and, again, not much deeper to it. Beating up Brendol is always fun though lmao. And when I was writing this, I really wanted Hux to be the one to strike at his father. A lot of pieces have Kylo doing it, which is great, but I wanted to do something a little different. I wanted Hux to have the power to save himself. It was fun to write in that way, as a powerful revenge fantasy

The Best, 6450 words, posted May 12

Ah, now this was a fun one lmao. It was born of a horny crack idea but I can’t do real crack, so it ended up as crack treated seriously. And really, I just wanted an excuse to have Kylo sucking dick. A lot of dick. All the dicks he can find lmao. Slutty Kylo fic remains my favourite pwp, so I gotta contribute to the cause, you know. It was a delight to write, though challenging cause it kept turning me on LMAO. Totally worth it though. It was one of the most fun this year for sure

Be My Outlet, 1003 words, posted May 23

There’s not really much of a story behind this one haha. I was horny and I wanted some classic, Not Nice Hux and hatefucking, thus this exists. Plus I miss Kylo getting choked and it’s rare these days to see stuff quite this rough. I also have a bit of a somnophilia thing, which this sort of fits in to. And I’m always a fan of messy, masochist Kylo. So yeah. Idk it’s smut lmao what else could we want? It’s just a short little pwp, but I had a lot of fun with it and it was nice to revisit the classic kylux days

Safe Harbour, 1616 words, posted Jun 13

This one was for kyluxomegaverse week and it was very fun. A/b/o is one of those tropes where I really, really like a lot of it, but there’s also some stuff that’s much less my cup of tea. So I don’t write a lot of it, even though there are aspects of it that I adore. Which this one includes a lot of lmao. I think the nesting is fucking adorable and I wanted to write something soft, so here we are. Plus omega!Kylo is just delightful. Also looking back on it now, this one did really well? Holy shit, I had no idea it was that popular!

With Dignity, 4475 words, posted Jul 1

This was the last for BTHB that I managed last year (and I still intend to finish my card eventually, it’s just been a rough go so far this year lmao). I’m actually very proud of this one because this is the exact sort of angst I love to write. I didn’t intend for it to be as heavy as it ended up being, but when I started looking up the mechanics of force-feeding and reading about the experience of it, the plan changed drastically because holy fuck. I had never thought of it as that much of a torture before. I also enjoy with Hux like, making the reader feel bad for him while also actively reminding them he’s awful and getting that perfect cognitive dissonance. So this was a great excuse to do exactly that. And I love how tough he is even in such circumstances. Despite the heavy subject matter, I had a blast with this one

Greener Grass, 3389 words, posted Jul 14

This one was originally a twitter thread that really got away from me lmao, so I edited it and put it on ao3 because I really liked it. I’ve always liked self-cest as a concept and I thought it’d be interesting for Kylo to interact with a version of himself that made some different choices. One that was happier. And then we see Kylo through Ben’s eyes, see what the dark side has wrought for him. And then, of course, some smut to pull it all together lmao. It was a really fun character study and I had a grand time with it

Subliminal, 5719 words, posted Aug 23

This one! Okay so I’m pretty sure I sent in a couple of khk prompts over the years that were basically this, but no one ever wrote them so I finally did it. I’m honestly surprised hypno kink isn’t actually used more in kylux, considering Hux is canonically in charge of the brainwashing program. So much potential. So I had to write it. I also went down quite a few rabbit holes in researching this (with mixed success lmao) and learned a whole lot about hypno kink in the process. I may have even acquired it as a fetish lmao. But anyway, this one’s a bit darker and it’s fun to write those every once in a while. I think I pulled it off well too

Ashes Among the Stars, 36634 words, posted Dec 1

Ah and my big bang this year! I had a blast with this one although it was quite the challenge. My first fandom was gundam so when I saw this prompt I was very intrigued and ended up getting it. This fic had a lot more world-building than I usually do, which was the primary challenge as I basically had to take aspects from both franchises and sew them together into a new world of its own. I think I did that rather successfully tbh. The plot gave me trouble too but also gave me some of my best eureka moments haha. My partner was also wonderful and made the experience that much better. I know crossovers don’t tend to perform as well, so I was expecting that, though I do wish some more people had given it a chance since I wrote it specifically so that no prior knowledge was needed. But alas, I’m still incredibly proud of it. It’s also my second longest fic ever!

Filthy, 5657 words, posted Dec 9

And here it is, the gangbang fic I’ve always wanted to exist lmao. I had wanted to write this one for a long time, but I could never figure out how to end it, what circumstances would lead to the gangbang. Then a convo with friends gave me the idea and boom, I could finally write it. This fic is just straight up smut and I fucking love it lmao. There needs to be more Kylo gangbang fics tbh

What have I learned?

Last year wasn’t as successful for writing as I’d hoped, given that I wrote less in 2019 than I did in 2018. But also a lot of things happened to me last year. I got a new role at work. My dad had a heart attack (he’s okay though). I had a pretty rough time with my mental health. And then there was the lead up to TROS and the frankly unnecessary amount of stress that caused me. So there was a lot going on and working against me, which is a large part of why I didn’t manage to write as much as I’d hoped I would, and there’s a lot in my folder that I started but just wasn’t able to finish before the end of the year. I worried for a while I was losing interest, but looking back, no, it was definitely the IRL shit lmao. That said, I’m also extremely happy with all of the pieces I did finish, regardless of how well they did. I’m proud of them and I loved writing them, even when it was difficult

One of my goals from last year was to write more, which I didn’t manage, and to get better at answering comments, which I think I did well on for the most part up until post-TROS lmao. I also wanted to do the big bang again (and I was hoping for a reverse, which it was!) and I did. And I also wanted to have fun and keep my confidence with my writing, which I think I was the most successful at. I feel really good about everything I made and I really enjoyed writing them, even if I didn’t manage to finish everything

Goals for 2020?

I think part of the reason I didn’t finish this post in 2019 is because of my TROS breakdown and subsequent stresses associated with it. Because I wasn’t sure what I wanted or what I was going to do. Sometimes I wanted to give up and find a new fandom/ship, other times I was sure I was over it and going to just do whatever the fuck I wanted, and then there was every emotion in between

Now, though, I’m sure I’m going to keep writing here. I haven’t managed much this year yet, but I can feel it coming back to me. I have a post-TROS fic I managed to solve a major problem with the other day. I also have renben as a new ship to excite me. And I still have a lot of wips and BTHB and various others I desperately want to do. Right now, I feel good about my writing and my interest in it is back to normal, which is great. So this year? I’m not going to set a hard goal. I’d love to write more than last year and maybe I will, but it’s okay if I don’t. I’d love to do another big bang this year, but I’m not going to kick myself if I can’t handle it when that time comes. I’d love to finish BTHB, but if it stretches into another year, who cares? My only goal is to just keep writing and keep enjoying it. I want to have fun with it. I want to be happy with whatever pieces I do manage to put out. I want to set aside time to read more fics from others, if I can. And I think all of those will really help with my mental health, which is starting to recover right now, and that’s what’s most important of all

Also thank you all for your patience with me. I know I’ve not been responsive, here or on twitter or to comments, but I am trying my best. It’s been a rough go and I don’t like to whine too much in my fandom spaces. I don’t know when or even if I’ll get back to normal, but I’m trying, and that’s what matters. I love every one of you on here <3

[soopersara]

Why and when did you start shipping Zutara?

You want the long version or the short version? Just kidding! There really isn’t a short version. My history with ATLA in general is kind of a mess. 

I saw my first episode of ATLA around the time it was airing - I think it was in 2008 or so when Book 3 was almost done. Anyway, I was babysitting some of my younger cousins, my aunt told me that the boys were allowed to watch a couple of episodes of the show they’d been recording on the DVR. Cool. I’d never heard of it before, but if middle-school me didn’t have to come up with a ton of activities to occupy three little boys until their bedtime, I wasn’t gonna argue about it. 

So I got the boys settled in on the couch, hit play, and I watched my first ever episode of ATLA. The Western Air Temple. And HOLY BUCKETS, dude, I was hooked. Honestly, in a way, I started shipping Zutara right then and there. There was just so much emotion and tension between the two of them. And sure, it was clearly not a romance yet, but the whole point of the episode was Zuko trying to join the Gaang, and for me (then and now), Katara felt like the emotional center of the Gaang. She was the one who seemed to have the most personal history with Zuko, she was the one who was most opposed to him joining, and she was the person whose approval Zuko seemed to want the most. And... damn. I wanted to see that conflict play out and resolve SO BADLY. I wasn’t consciously aware of this at the time, but there’s an old saying that love and hate aren’t opposites, love and apathy are. And that was the first time I ever felt the truth of that statement and wanted to watch the enemies to friends to lovers dynamic play out.

But then my babysitting night ended, and my parents drove me home, and I spent the rest of my middle school and high school years back in my normal life in a house with one TV, no cable, and no internet. I couldn’t have watched the rest of ATLA if I wanted to, and I was unaware of... the majority of what was on the internet in general at that point, so I didn’t know that fandom was a thing. Also, my family has... poor taste in entertainment. They don’t like ANY fantasy/sci-fi, not because they had problems with the plots, tropes, or themes associated with the genres, but because they think that people who enjoy those genres are “weird” and because of that, they’ve never bothered to consume any stories in those genres. Which meant that they teased me for my tastes in stories. A lot. All the time. I wouldn’t have had the guts to watch ATLA in my house even if I had access to it. So I just let my brain run wild extrapolating story ideas from the tiny snippets of ATLA that I had seen and started never finished a few original stories with nuggets of inspiration drawn from the Zutara dynamic.

Then I went off to college a few years later and it occurred to me a couple of times that I could probably find ATLA and watch it online, but I never actually looked for it until a few of my friends in the dorms mentioned that they loved this old kids’ show called Avatar the Last Airbender. I waited until I finally had free time (the few days when I was stuck on campus after finishing finals), and finally got around to watching it. 

And watching ATLA was... not what I expected. Based on what I’d seen of the show several years earlier, I knew that Zuko started off on the wrong side of the war, but I wasn’t prepared to see him be such a raging jerk for so much of the show. Don’t get me wrong, I loved him the whole time but it was a I want to shake you and and tell you to pull your head out of your ass because I know how much better you will be later and I want that NOW kind of love. I knew based on the episode intro I’d seen in middle school that Aang was the protagonist, but I wasn’t prepared to see him drive so much of the show, since he was just... not the central character in the first episode I saw. And on some level, I knew that there had to be a lot of history as enemies between Zuko and the Gaang to cause the amount of animosity I saw, but I didn’t expect his joining the Gaang to come so close to the end. I thought there would be at LEAST a solid season with him as a Gaang member, not... half a season. 

So... I liked ATLA. It was good. The finale was a huge, beautiful spectacle that worked so well on an emotional level, but... there were enough things that niggled at me that I didn’t see it becoming a major interest of mine. At the time, I really only had media/stories that I revisited over and over and over because I loved them unconditionally and media/stories that was... too flawed or not compelling enough for me to revisit.

But ATLA was different. I thought it was going to end up in my list of “meh” stories that I liked but bugged me enough that I’d never go back to it. But I just. Kept. Thinking. About. It. And after a while, I started watching the show over. And over. And over. But those problems still niggled at me, and I didn’t really know how to articulate what my problems with the show were. 

So then I finished college and moved in with a friend. And after she introduced me to a few shows I’d never seen before, I decided to return the favor and introduce her to ATLA. And after that rewatch, I finally started picking out and trying to articulate some of my problems with the show. Two of the first things I realized were that I HATED Maiko as presented in canon (it reminded me too much of my high school classmates whose romantic relationships alway boiled down to “I hate spending time with him/her, but I’m horny.” UGH. I don’t know how many times I had to restrain myself from yelling, “JUST BREAK THE F*CK UP, YOU’RE NOT THE ONLY TWO HORNY TEENAGERS ON THE PLANET.”), and Kataang was... meh. I didn’t hate the idea of them being together eventually, but the development felt half-assed and the kiss in the finale was WAY too sudden for me. I finally remembered that I liked the idea of Zuko and Katara together way back when I first saw The Western Air Temple, and because the internet has a creepy way of reading my thoughts, Pinterest started feeding me Zutara fanart. I. Loved. It. Knowing that I wasn’t the only one who wanted them together was AMAZING (keep in mind, this was like... 2016. I came SO late it’s unreal).

I decided that I wanted to write a Zutara fanfic at some point, then got the idea for an Avatar Katara AU now my mega-slow updating WIP, A Tale of Ice and Smoke. And I started writing it. And posting on FFN. Then some of my scrolling through Zutara content on Pinterest led me to Zutara metas (which reinforced a lot of the conclusions I’d reached about my own issues with the story and helped me identify a few others that I’d noticed but hadn’t been able to express) and other people’s fics, and I started reading those while posting the first few chapters of Ice and Smoke. Then I finally created my own Tumblr and started getting more and more involved in the fandom. When I say that I fell ass-backward into this fandom, I mean it.

So. TLDR: I started either started shipping Zutara in 2008 when I saw one episode (to this day The Western Air Temple is still one of my favorites), or I started shipping it in 2016 after thinking about the show way too much, and deciding that fixing a lot of my problems with the series would most likely lead to Zuko and Katara being together. 

[aethelflaedladyofmercia]

WIP Wednesday - “Someplace You Belong”

Wow so Aziraphale clearly has the best home and I want to move in there. I bet he wouldn’t even notice, he’s super distracted with Crowley these days, right?

So I’ve already mentioned my newest fic, “Someplace You Belong.” I have mentioned it’s a sequel to the bookshop deleted scene. And I’ve talked about how it was inspired by the line of description, with Aziraphale being “as content as it is possible for him to be.”

When I read the bookshop scene, I just immediately needed to write something to process the many feels it gave me. I had already written two Crowley-centric stories from this approximate time period (this Saturday’s “Three Little Words,” set in 1849, and next week’s “In Love With My Car,” set in 1933), and I’d wanted to include a story with Aziraphale from around this time, too. My first idea was a story set in 1967 about his feelings before giving Crowley the holy water. I’m still going to write that one, but turns out HE HAD A LOT OF FEELINGS and I’m not ready to tackle that one quite yet.

Soon.

There’s other possibilities, including something set closer to the church scene, something right after the fight itself, or something in the interim. Also there’s the option for Crowley-centered stories at each of those points as well...

What I’m getting at is, there’s probably going to be another series of stories down the line where I look more directly at the Argument, whereas this set of three is more tangentially around it.

Fortunately, I read the book shop scene, and immediately had lots of ideas!

Unfortunately, this scene came with a couple of big surprises.

First surprise: Crowley showing up with pastry. In the deleted scene he has chocolates, although someone pointed out hard chocolates wouldn’t be available for a few more decades, and much as I could see Crowley convincing some German confectioner to create a never-before-seen sweet for Aziraphale, I also wanted something more period appropriate.

Cue two or three weeks of insane research into Regency Era pastry recipes desperately trying to describe the flavor some mille-feuille because, damnit, the version that existed in 1800 isn’t the version we eat today and that would be like 15 years out of date, and it says icing but not what kind of icing and my God I’ve never been so consumed by a research project!

(If you’ve read the story, y’all now have some inkling of the amount of work that went into those, not even joking, five sentences.)

Second surprise: I expected Aziraphale to talk about his sense of connection to the bookshop, and instead he starts talking about the War! This was a pleasant surprise, because it had been over a month since I’d written “Obedience” and I was ready to revisit his backstory, this time touching on some themes of identity. But I had to kind of pull things around a lot to get us back to Aziraphale feeling like he belongs in the shop. I think it worked out in the end, though I did have to drop one or two details about the shop itself that I’m not sure where to weave in now!

Third surprise: Aziraphale starts talking about his old friends by name. That shouldn’t have been a problem, as I’d written down some backstory notes on them ages ago, but turns out they needed some personality, too, just enough to make the scene work. So I did a lot of research into angels - looking for angels with appropriate specializations, replacing almost every name from the original list in an attempt to strengthen the knowledge connection, even adding some notes on their appearance as needed. Again, a ton of research for just a couple of sentences, but honestly, when I read that part of the flashback it’s a real punch in the gut to me. Now these aren’t just names in a book, they’re characters I know.

Fourth surprise: once I realized I was apparently writing a hurt/comfort, my brain panicked and I forgot how to do the comfort side. Or, more accurately, I couldn’t find anything Crowley could say that would be real comfort given how much Aziraphale had lost - especially given that Crowley only knows part of the story. Aziraphale kept all the most painful parts to himself. And so I could only have Crowley offer a partial comfort, and Aziraphale partially comfort himself, and leave you all with the hope that some time after the Apocalypse, they would finally, really talk about this. (I’m now starting to think of the whole of “Sawdust of Words” as a 6,000 year slow burn hurt/comfort, with me writing all the hurt stories now and just REALLY PROMISING we’re going to get to comfort some day.)

Fifth surprise: all through the first draft, the thing that bugged me was, what does Aziraphale think their relationship is right now? I mean, the Angel has many layers of denial going on, but what was the story he told himself? When the answer hit me, it hit really hard and I had to sit an process it for a bit. I don’t spell all of it out explicitly in the story (I did, but then deleted that line), but you can at least get part of it: that Aziraphale knows what their relationship looks like, but he doesn’t think it’s real.

It’s an elaborate act they go through - Aziraphale gets to pretend he has companionship after being denied it for thousands of years and Crowley, well, if you look closely there’s a few hints what Aziraphale thinks Crowley gets out of the relationship. (While you’re at it, try to spot how many times Crowley attemtps to say ‘I like being around you, you’re genuinely my friend, please don’t feel lonely, I love you’ but something else comes out instead.)

Wow this is a lot of surprises.  And there was one more.

Sixth surprise: there was actually supposed to be a long story (probably another 5-chapter story) before this set of 3 shorts. But I wasn’t ready to write it. So I started writing a different long story. That one got way out of hand with some deeper Crowley characterization stuff, and I can’t finish it. So these stories got bumped way up. The only real issue was it put the two Aziraphale backstory fics back-to-back, but now Crowley feels a little neglected.

Don’t worry. So much Crowley coming up in the next stories you may be sick of him. I’ve been using him as an emotional pinata, sorry not sorry. :p

(Also I’m tired and I think I just cracked a scene I was stuck on so I’m just gonna toss this into the void without even spellchecking so I can get back to that. I’m living on the edge!!)