#I hate to say it but I hate politics but it’s also fascinating that’s why I study it

[petri808]

That post you reblogged with the nuclear weapons interview, the man being interviewed is Ashley. The interviewer is a comedian portraying the character of Philomena Cunk, she does bits like this of just being wildly misinformed for comedic value.

Well that’s great to hear lol I didn’t think anyone could be that obtuse, but considering things going on in this world that’s sadly no longer so far fetched.

Using some psychological profiling to question whether a country with nuclear weapons would actually use it, the likelihood is slim to none— at least in the main powers save for North Korea who’s difficult to get a good read on with limited information. The threat of use itself is more of a “hail Mary,” meaning no one will use it because it also assures their own death, and while even though Putin is sociopathic, he’s not suicidal as far as I can read into. That said, of course, it’s impossible to say for absolute certainty because sociopaths & psychopaths actually do have suicidal tendencies when they feel like they’ve completely lost but refuse to admit it even to themselves. It’s a trait of narcissism. The worst of them historically have not committed suicide.

Anyway, so far this threat has been successfully believed by the public. Whether or not international politicos realize it’s a Hail Mary, I don’t know. If people DID realize it is a Hail Mary, then the super powers (minus N. Korea) loose their only true Trump card and the rest of the world might actually… kick them off their high horses like in the fantasy movie A Bugs Life lol.

[autogyne-redacted]

Let's Talk About Security Culture: Why Keeping Secrets is Cool and Sexy

It's a natural impulse -- if you love crime -- to want to talk about how great it is. And if you hate America, it's only natural to want to share your dreams for its future with the rest of tumblr dot com. It can feel brave and transgressive. And there is a drive to share your soul with the world at the heart of social media. Surely I should be posting the most concrete implications of my politics, right? This is the poster's curse.

Security Culture refers to a set of "best practices" developed over the past several decades, largely (in a US context) coming out of radical environmental groups as they faced intense state repression, infiltration and entrapment. If you're not familiar, there's some fascinating crimethinc write ups to give you a window into that world:

Much of it boils down to: don't talk about crimes, past or forthcoming with people who don't need to know about them, and be mindful of the possibility of surveillance and infiltration. And, we can support each other as a community in minimizing risks, with an eye towards enabling bold action rather than getting bogged down in fears and anxieties. The guidelines that make sense for AG-based trouble-makers are different from the guidelines that make sense for posters, but plenty of common principles apply. To speak briefly to our position here as posters:

First, it bears saying that long term anonymity is nearly impossible to maintain. Unless you've never accessed Tumblr without a vpn, and avoided connections with other ppl who can be associated with you/your location, and never shared pictures without scrubbing metadata, and a bunch of other 100% consistent steps, it's trivial for the state to know who you are.

Second, just because something isn't actively being prosecuted now doesn't mean it can't be prosecuted later. The priorities of the state change and a shift in power towards the right or a growth in radical action from the left can suddenly make it a priority to destroy anarchist networks or just find a few ppl to prosecute as examples (who probably weren't that plugged into larger networks before getting arrested). Advocating for specific anti-government crimes or declarations of intent to commit such crimes are likely prosecutable, and even if charges don't stick, they're an easy vector for legal harassment.

Third, it's worth thinking about heat as separate from prosecutability. There are modes of engagement that may not be directly criminalized but signal that you are someone worth watching. Some people choose to be public in ways that make heat unavoidable. But it's worth noting that heat isn't strictly individualized, that it persists over time but also is going to shrink over time.

It's easy on here, ime, to see yourself as a proud member of the crime fandom but not much of a content creator. And it's easy to feel like you've generated an amount of heat where you're locked into that role. But heat you generated 10 years ago is probably pretty well gone. Heat you generated 5 years ago has faded substantially. It's worth thinking about how the world might shift in the coming years and what doors you want to keep open.

The non-individualized nature of heat also means that leaning into the spiciest of anti-state positions will make it a bad idea for people who are acting out those positions end up tied to you. Loudly talking about how "more people should be doing [X/Y/Z]" unfortunately sets you up to remain distant from people who might be doing or thinking about doing such things.

Which brings me back to: keeping secrets is sexy. Not spelling everything out builds intrigue. You can lay out a theoretical position and leave working out the practical implications of that as an exercise for the reader. There's value in opacity. The poster's curse and the drive to confess are extremely convenient for the state, but we can resist them. We can hold dreams in our hearts that we refuse to offer up to the posting spectacle.

[dolphin-diaries]

Detrans/Uncis (Part 2)

Originally published on Dolphin Diaries.

My first steps on a detransition journey were underscored by a peculiar mantra: “but I’m not detransitioning though.” I don’t feel like a man, so I’m not a trans man, but I’m still taking hormones, so I’m not detransitioning. I’m getting laser, but I’m not doing anything to my voice—hold on, actually I am. I’m lowering my dose of testosterone, actually, but I’m still taking it, and it’s not like I’m a woman. Only I want to be gendered by strangers as a woman, but that’s different. Actually I’d hate to have any further changes from T, so I’m not taking it at all—but I’m still not detransitioning though. Actually, could you speak of me as she? And her, too? No detrans though.

At a certain point it started to approach total absurdity. My friends and loved ones, well-versed in the queer gender soup, said nothing of it, but I am myself strongly averse to repression, denial, and self-deceit. So I was the first to say I was wrong. The first to say, “I am, though.” And at no point, from the beginning to the end of my epistemic conga, have I encountered any meaningful pushback from my close circles. No implications of betrayal, no cold shoulders, no silence when I walk in the room.

So why the mantra, then? Why was I so averse to the idea?

A large part of that was the politicisation of detransition; how indelibly it is associated with the Right—I said as much in my first essay. On a personal level, though, it was trivial to realise I wasn’t doing a grift. I was confident I hadn’t been brainwashed into anything. I’ve never had any meaningful contact or affiliation with any sort of gender-conservative person or movement.

And I did encounter pro-trans detransitioners. Some of them sniped back at the right-wing ones, some merely told their stories independently. Regardless, they—just like me—did not receive great or meaningful pushback from their trans friends, nor even strangers. They weren’t always understood or necessarily celebrated, but they were taken at their word, believed, and more or less respected as much as any gender deviant. Before I had any thoughts to detransition myself, I had seen detrans people beyond the pale of the rhetoric multiple times, and…

And I hated them. They made my skin crawl. I was never rude or condescending, and as those encounters were online-only, it was trivial to maintain respect and civility. I also realised I had no real cause to hate them. They’d done nothing wrong, nothing wrong at all. It was easy enough to say that in principle, when they talked in the abstract, but when they spoke of their bodies, their lives, the flesh and blood of it all, I felt such visceral revulsion as I might’ve never felt before.

Or have I? Have I known this already, this knee-jerk lip curl, this morbid disgust with another’s aberrant sex? This idea in my mind, spreading like cancer, that these people were wrong? That they’ve violated something inviolable? And how civility and compassion chiselled this violent core into arrogant pity towards an untouchable other?

No, I have known this. And not such a long time ago.

The Body Horror

When I first came out as trans to my university class—cis-majority if not totality, naturally—the perverse fascination with my body was hard to escape. They were mostly polite, of course. My university was very ‘decadent Westian’ (pardon the quasi-inside joke). We were hip with it. Nevertheless—

“It’s okay for you, of course, but if my future children—”

“You mean to say you date women? How do you—”

“You mean to say you date men??”

 “I wasn’t looking at you like that in the bathroom—I mean—uh—”

You don’t need to say it outright. Sometimes you don’t need to say a thing at all. I see it. I know.

That’s to say nothing of the doctors’ dehumanising dissection and the conservatives flashing the least flattering post-operative pictures like they’re gore. As a transsexual, you don’t even need dysphoria; you will be informed of your physical monstrosity in great detail and in every possible manner, from the subtlest glance to the bloody megaphone.

You learn to see transsexual bodies this way very young and not voluntarily, but I was not just any random person. I transitioned aeons ago, and I did not find the flesh of my fellow transsexuals a subject of psychosexual fascination anymore. We were just people. I’d learned that.

I thought I did, anyway.

That’s the thing about the biases that systemic oppression seeds and wields. They are, in my experience, nothing less than psychosocial cancers. Leave one cell alive, and they will surely regrow. Maybe into a new shape, maybe into something old, but they will never die left alone.

Although I’d mentally graduated to gender abolition and genderfuckery-as-political-stance, to activism, to gender constructivism and to queering everything, especially feminism, I’d first come to see transsexuality through the lens of the DSM. Not my fault or anything—that’s what was available to me. Transsexual transition, then, was first presented to me as a linear transformation, a path from A to B, at the end of which laid gender nirvana. Or, like, happiness and fulfilment, I suppose. White-people Buddhism was fashionable at that time, so please excuse my French.

So genderfuckery was all well and good, but you know, done respectably. For me, that was performing picture-perfect transsexuality, just a little spiced-up. So long as I still appeared cis. Anything that marked me as ‘clocky’ was unseemly; although I no longer needed to see any doctors about it, I’d been trained to sniff out such features and weed them out for the sake of gaining medical access. But that’s not the only way ‘respectable gender’ is ensured in queer circles. I’ve also observed it to be an absence of transsexuality. That is, gender is to be fucked with in words and pronouns and haircuts and porn—but to transition about it would be kind of gauche, don’t you think? A little gender-conformist?

Different outcome, but for the purposes of this discussion, same principle: it is disgust with transition. Visible transition, obvious transition; transition at all. My case was not altogether different from ideological non-transitioners; it was just modified to accommodate for some alteration of sex.

After nearly a decade of virilising HRT, my detransition wasn’t simply a matter of changing my name and putting on lipstick. That would just make strangers say ‘yas gurl.’ No, if I wanted to live as a woman beyond my immediate social circle, I needed to make more invasive changes. More than that, I wanted those changes. I didn’t merely wish to say I’m a woman—I wanted to look in the mirror and believe it.

The first truth a detransitioner learns is this: to detransition, you must transition again.

Again?!

Oh, it’s not the same as your first time ‘round, sure. Not just because of the difference in desired sex; if you’ve never had your gonads removed and have no prior issues with hormone production, you can simply cease to take HRT and stop depending on the vagaries of medical supplies. Doctors will, generally, be a little more understanding of your desire to change sex. Often, from their perspective, you’re not changing it; you’re fixing it. So if you were allowed to take the so-called ‘cross-sex’ hormones, you’ll probably be allowed the ‘same-sex’ ones. Conversely, because no such thing as a ‘detransition procedure’ usually exists, it’s a dice roll if any surgery will be covered by the state, your insurance, or anything. Yes, you’re ‘fixing’ your sex—but the fact you’ve ‘damaged’ it at all renders you a bit of an unreliable witness to your own mind. A little bit crazy, you could say. Isn’t it all quite literally your own fault?

However, the day-to-day mundanities of detransition would be highly recognisable to any trans person. Indeed, I got all the ideas on how to relieve my gender dysphoria from my transfem friends. I learned of laser hair removal from them, and they advised me on voice training. Some of the professionals that serviced me had no idea I was detrans—how would they? Kind of an odd thing to randomly bring up while getting your beard fried.

‘Detrans woman’ is not a legible social category (nor any other kind of detrans person). People know what these words mean—at least, if they’re up on the latest gender lingo—but they don’t truly know what that looks like. Maybe they imagine a particular grifter when you say ‘detrans,’ maybe it’s just a void—but it’s never you. No one will ever assume that’s what you are.

So how does a detrans woman move through the world? She passes, of course. She is either assumed to be a cis woman, having worked to file off any signs of testosterone’s magic touch, or she stands out with those features. If she transitioned after adolescence, she might have a leg up on passing, but should a stranger’s transvestigation radar starts beeping, they will surely scan her for other hints. Sometimes they’ll find what was never there, and sometimes they’ll decree a feature that occurs in all women, cis and trans, a sure sign of inborn manhood. I’ve always had a visible Adam’s apple, for instance, but it didn’t use to be proof I was born a man. Now, though, take that and a bad voice day, and I don’t have a leg to stand on.

And if someone decides I don’t belong in a women’s bathroom, do you think it’ll help if I cry I was born to piss here?

Here’s the second truth a detransitioners learns: it doesn’t matter how many times you transition, to what end or for what reason. If you do it at all, you will never be cis again. It’s the real red pill—the one the Wachowski sisters intended, not what the chuds on the internet made of it. Your body, your social and legal history, your continuity of self—it is different now. Not the way it’s supposed to be. Changing sex at all was never meant to be.

Regime and Treachery

Um-actuallying people who think I’m a trans woman will not help me under most circumstances. It won’t help with a strange man in an alley, and it won’t help with an employer that discovers my last manager knew me under a male name. In one case nothing but a good run will help, and in the other—come on now, they won’t think any better of me.

It will not make me cis, and it doesn’t help—under most circumstances.

Detrans women aren’t the only ones which may be assumed for trans women. Cis women that never touched a drop of testosterone get transvestigated too—not nearly as frequently, but it happens all the same, and regularly. The case of Imane Khelif is one that probably jumps to mind first these days, but she is perhaps in the minority of women that never responded to such accusations by loudly proclaiming she is completely and utterly unlike those filthy transsexuals—she is a real woman!

Detrans women have the whole transsexuality thing in common with trans women, of course. But they aren’t quite the only ones—intersex women that were assigned female at birth are also often assumed to be transsexual. They are also subject to severe medical violence and neglect. Some require exogenous hormones to stay healthy. Some wish to take ownership of their body via voluntary sex alteration, for a change. It is rather transsexual-like, all in all.

But yet you will not search long to find similar underbus-throwing. The AFAB intersex woman is not like that trans woman—she deserves gender-affirmative treatment. She’s a real woman. The birth certificate said so.

And so too the detrans woman, despite all her history, despite the indelible mark of transsexuality, looks at the dangling carrot of Real Womanhood—and like a dog, jumps.

She will never be allowed the full extent of it. It is irreversible damage, after all. That’s important. The detrans woman that betrays her sisters—her class, even—must forever cry about the wounds transition left on her, must never heal from them. And trust me, the cis aren’t nice about it behind her back. The detrans woman is promised a shred of cis-ness, of real-ness—but only so long as she divorces herself from all things transsexual. Loudly, repeatedly. The moment she stops, she will be reminded: she too is transsexual. She has seen sex/gender for what it is; her body is evidence. She has eaten of the tree of knowledge. It’s only at the regime’s great mercy that she can peek into Eden—but god forbid, never enter.

Because what would happen if the ‘damage’ wasn’t irreversible? If society allowed the detrans woman to be a woman wholly and totally—its woman, real woman? Why, it would mean sex can be changed without repercussion. It would mean you could leave gender.

It wouldn’t quite mean that trans women are women and trans men are men—it would only allow that your birth sex can be ‘returned to.’ But if even that much was permitted, it would make transition no longer a threat. You could do it and come back just fine, see? What’s there to fear? Why not just try it? And if you can just try it, just leave and come back as you please—how can you force people to obey gender?

It would mean I could opt out of womanhood any time. Of the mandate of reproduction, of subordination, of sexual and domestic servitude—of the constant fight to break free of those things. I could opt out even if I didn’t like being a man. I’d always have one foot back in the door, if I pleased. And that’s the thing about the patriarchy: women must never be allowed to leave. Or to desist, or to fail. For that they must be punished. Want fewer lashes? Kick the weaker bitch out the door.

Cis-ness is a regime. A status quo. To define it merely by the relationship to birth-assigned sex is erroneous—intersexness reveals this, but if you’re the kind of person who thinks the intersex are some sort of rare and bizarre exception (they’re not), perisex detransitioners must surely hammer the nail home. To be cis is not merely to self-identify as the sex on your birth certificate; who’s even looking at those? It is to live in accordance with your biological destiny, and every social law that entails. This destiny is assigned at birth, yes, but it does not end there: it follows you all the way.

Cis-ness is not an identity—it is a reward for doing as you’re told.

The Freedom of Sex

It is obvious, then, why detrans medical care is a pain to get even though you’re complying with your birth sex assignment. That is the true engineer of detrans misery, of dysphoria and resentment. To come to dislike the features you’ve acquired during transition is one thing—but to be prevented from changing them? To be looked at like a lunatic? To not know what to do, because information about de/transition and how it works is so understudied and obscured?

If transition was easy, known, free—more people would detransition, certainly. But that wouldn’t mean much. Because they’d be people like anyone else. Their bodies—transsexual bodies—would be just the same, just as worthy. They would be real.

The implications are even greater than that. Freedom of sex, as Andrea Long Chu puts it, means a freedom to change anything about your sex, in any way, for any reason, without restriction. Not the A->B path I was first taught under the illusion of two wholly distinct, non-intersecting sexes—rather, the tweaking of individual aspects. It is to really examine how sex works and take it apart on your person. It is what some trans people already do, with microdosing and what you might call small acts of detransition. If you don’t like the beard after T, why not zap it off? If you want to be on oestrogen but don’t like the breasts—double mastectomy works just the same regardless of initial sex. The idea of customisable, ‘nonbinary’ transition is one that’s gained prominence in recent years, even as attacks on all transition have exponentially increased.

Linear transition was written in an attempt to enforce a kind of gender austerity. Only those that really need it can get it, and so there must be competition, a hierarchy of haves and have-nots. There must be doctors that will prescribe you wrong dosages based on irrelevant research and leave you to wonder why you feel so off. You must not pick and choose the changes you want, because your sex is not for you to decide—it is to be granted to you, justified via a constant defense of self-identification. For the crime of violating sex/gender, your autonomy is branded as harebrained desire until proven otherwise. You’re not allowed to simply want something; you have to need it, hence the attempts to naturalise and essentialise transsexuality—you have to be real, you have to be born with it.

Above all you must be kept in the dark and hurting, so that any time someone suggests anything as ‘frivolous’ as the freedom to have their body as they wish, you snipe back: Shut up, vapid idiot! You’re going to hurt yourself in your stupidity! I’m not like you—I’m the one who’s really hurting!

To look at de/transition from the perspective of liberation is to ask: why? What’s the austerity for? We have the hormones, the surgeries, almost all the treatments we want, and the science isn’t calling it quits tomorrow last I checked. What horrible thing are we preventing by stopping people from doing to their sex whatsoever they wish? Are we running out of gender juice?

But of course, I already told you why. A smarter woman than me has also written extensively why. It is because sex and gender come with a fine print, a set of prescripts, which must be enforced. Irreversible damage to fertile wombs must not be allowed. The pedestal of Man must not be tarnished.

Freedom of sex, then, is the patriarchy’s anathema.

Detransition is part of freedom of sex. To accept acts of detransition as neutral is to allow that changes wrought by transition—just like naturally developed sexual characteristics—can be changed at will. Even disliked. To be free is to embrace the possibility of discontent, too; to allow oneself to do something you may regret later, and to be free to go back. To accept that nothing is final. Finality is one of the ways transition is made more difficult than it needs to be: you must be sure, must be happy with what you get—or else, it is argued, you never had a real need for it anyway.

That is plainly not true. I know that from my own example.

Transition served me well way back when. I do not know of an extant, realistic alternative that could’ve helped me as effectively. I was happy with my transition for years, and suicidally discontent before then. So who cares if transitioning proved in the end an imperfect permanent solution for me? Why must transition be held to perfection and permanence before it is allowed? It worked and it saved my life—who are you to tell me I shouldn’t have done it? And who are you to hold me hostage to it?

What if, even now, I enjoy that I’ve been constructed rather than simply born?

Not So Fast

Now that’s a nice thought, isn’t it? I can feel the gender nirvana coming on already.

Unfortunately, it can’t be that simple. To dream of a world you want, you must first contend with the world you already live in.

There’s a particular aspect that’s been largely absent from my essays so far: forced detransition and conversion therapy. In part, that’s because I argue from the perspective of a willing detransitioner with no shadow of a right-wing past or influence; a viewpoint which is lacking in the public conscience. Plenty of trans writers and thinkers already staunchly argue against forced detransition. They omit the detrans by virtue of either irrelevance or ignorance or both. When voluntary detransition is mentioned, people tend to merely point out there’s not that many of us. In actuality there’s very little statistical research to give definitive numbers, but it’s certainly true we are the minority of transitioners, and the absence of statistical evidence only further confirms: the Right are pulling numbers out of thin air.

Except, saying that is missing the point. The Right never cared about numbers. Or facts. Or logic. Their argument is that willing detransition ought to be the nail in the coffin for transition. If you retort that, um actually, there’s only half as many willing detransitioners, you still concede we exist and are a contradiction to you. That is enough to prove the Right’s point. I, therefore, wish to argue we are not a contradiction to trans rights or existence, but in fact on a continuum with both. That by virtue of our needs and lived realities, we are trans. Differently trans, but trans nonetheless. Some (trans and detrans) may not enjoy that assertion for a number of reasons, but the empirical fact is that we are irrevocably cast out of cis-ness, and we are in need of support structures that are near-identical to those of trans people. If by every function we are trans, then it’s under that name that we should be understood, because it is the only thing that makes sense and yields results.

But.

Detransition is not a neutral act in practice, even if it has the potential to be. Just like transition isn’t. Both are politicised, and the nature of detransition’s politicisation diverges from that of transition quite sharply.

In the current political climate, as trans people are being denied medical care and the anti-trans rhetoric pollutes every information space, this cannot be avoided or denied. Transition is reviled, and detransition is said to be the cure and is wielded as a punishment. Detransition-as-sex-freedom cannot be understood without also grappling with the other two kinds of detransition I distinguish based on motive and emergent needs: forced and coerced.

Forced detransition is the simplest to define. It is detransition that occurs when circumstances necessitate it as the only possible course of action, or it is altogether done unto the transitioner without any pretense of choice. The starkest example is, say, the new law in Florida which forcibly detransitions the incarcerated. But it needn’t be so wholly dystopian to qualify as ‘forced.’ Detransitions due to family or peer pressure, poverty, lack of access, or social isolation are all forced in nature, even if in the most technical sense you made the ‘choice’ to undergo it. If you wish you were still transitioning, it is forced.

Coerced detransition is a grayer area. It is motivated by an individual’s choice—not a lack of one or a pseudo-choice, as above—under circumstances in which transition is possible, but highly discouraged. You will naturally recognise conversion therapy as an extreme example, but it needn’t be so blatant. Often it isn’t.

Say, for instance, your closest circle of friends regards transition as a frivolous neoliberal excess. Or, let’s say, your cis boyfriend is perfectly happy you’re a man now, he swears, but—well, he’s not gay, you know? Just for you. It’s different with you. Except he still treats you the same way he did before your transition—but that’s a good thing, right? Good thing he still wants you at all? He would probably prefer a girlfriend, and he’s never dated men—actually, is this whole thing really that important to you? Aren’t you rushing into things? Do you really know what you want? You don’t mind if he slips up on pronouns when you’re not in the room, do you? 

Or maybe your general practitioner keeps insisting any time anything is wrong with you, that it’s the hormones’ fault. The classic ‘trans broken arm’ syndrome. And when something actually might be wrong with the hormones, the solution is always to just stop HRT altogether. And the surgeries—they’re just so dangerous; look at how horrifying post-op pictures are! It’s just biology, just facts, which don’t care about your feelings (but remember: it’s only a fact if it makes you feel worse.)

In other words, the decision to go through coerced detransition is made in a state of reduced agency, often caused by social pressure and/or misinformation about transition. Nothing is explicitly preventing you from doing as you will to your sex—and so it is precisely your will which must be subverted and undermined.

Notice that I make no claim whether detransition is right or wrong for the person in question. Perhaps they would’ve arrived at this decision another way, perhaps not. The point is, they are led to believe detransition is simply more sensible, healthier, better. It is the superior choice—so of course, they make it. In the end, coerced detransition is not truly dissimilar from the forced kind. What merits it separate consideration is that it’s designed to make you relinquish your own judgement, and your very own sense of self. Under such conditions, even if you would’ve ultimately detransitioned regardless, your relationship to your sex/gender is made maladaptive, and your independence as an individual is maliciously compromised.

The needs of coercively and forcibly detransitioned people are closely aligned. The forcibly detransitioned, naturally, require that the circumstance which necessitated their detransition is removed, and that their retransition is facilitated and supported. The coercively detransitioned may or may not require the same thing—some detrans people do, in fact, discover they genuinely desire detransition in less-than-ideal circumstances—but what they certainly need is a pathway to recovery from conversion. They are to be given their agency back, as well as access to accurate information about transition and transitioners, so that they are free to make the choice to retransition or to keep detransitioning as they see fit.

Both cases run counter to detransition-as-sex-freedom, to voluntary detransition—which is to say, a choice made due to a shift in self-perception, under circumstances in which continued transition is unhindered. The needs of a voluntary detransitioner are also starkly different, and most resemble that of a transitioner. A voluntary detransitioner requires a facilitated pathway to sex modification and gender recognition, from hormones to surgeries to legal procedure. It is the same thing for which trans people fight; it need only be recognised that voluntary detransitioners are part of that fight.

Grouping voluntary and involuntary detransitioners under the same umbrella makes little sense. We may superficially share some experiences, but such an equation falls apart from the perspective of rights and needs; it obfuscates motive, absolves abusers and systemic injustice, and it smooths over radical differences in our stories and perspectives. It draws a false equivalence that either condemns voluntary detransition or celebrates forced and coerced detransition, thus making it impossible to either embrace or reject detransition in good conscience. Thus no progress can be made.

In other words, conflation of voluntary and involuntary detransition only works from the cis perspective—from the perspective of the regime, which observes its deviants and wishes them gone, and rejects understanding them on principle. From either the trans or the detrans perspective, it is nonsense.

Except…

How do you know, though? How do you know? How do you know, when everything from your very cradle is telling you trans people are aberrant for existing, and when trans life is so hard? The coercively detransitioned wholeheartedly claim total autonomy; they are not really lying; from a strictly liberal-minded perspective, they are not wrong. How exactly can continued transition be ‘unhindered’ when society is engineered to always make it difficult?

How do you really know it’s your choice and your choice alone?

We all realise the answer: you don’t. You can’t. Not with complete certainty. There’s no such thing as a pure, unadulterated, individual choice, and there’s very rarely such a thing as an unhindered transition.

We live in a world that reviles transsexuality, that denies and despises the mutability of sex and stamps out any proof that gender is smoke and mirrors. The regime of cisheterosexism seeps through every layer of society and through every aspect of life. Purely voluntary detransition is, in the strictest sense, impossible. Sex/gender is a regime, and no act under it is free; all are forced to exist and be legible within its framework, or else be totally exiled. To exist socially is to exist under sex/gender.

This is not whatsoever unique to detransition. Or detrans people, or trans people. Cis women, for instance, must grapple with what it means to be a woman when Woman is defined as subordinate to Man—even as most do not transition about it. So, too, do men grapple with what their gender means when Manhood is defined and enforced via violence towards women, other men, and the gender-deviant. Even the cissexual must contend with the demands placed on their bodies—almost all transsexual treatments originate in cissexual healthcare. There is no exit from this struggle, because patriarchal sex/gender is constructed to be all-encompassing and mutually exclusive. Woman is everything Man isn’t, and vice versa; never the twain shall meet, and no stone will they leave unturned. No matter what you do, it will be sexed, it will be gendered, and though the conclusion will shift from occasion to occasion, in any particular instance it will allow for no ambiguity. Even when someone yells at you on the street, “Are you a chick or a dude?!”—that is not ‘ambiguity.’ It’s just a longer version of a slur.

Similarly, this is not the first (nor the last) time when sex/gender alteration has been contorted and weaponised against transsexuality—that is, sex-mutability’s most blatant, most acute manifestation. The Cass Review has notably cited the existence of non-transitioning nonbinary individuals as ‘proof’ transition must be curtailed:

“Secondly, medication is binary, but the fastest growing group identifying under the trans umbrella is non-binary, and we know even less about the outcomes for this group. Some of you will also become more fluid in your gender identity as you grow older. We do not know the ‘sweet spot’ when someone becomes settled in their sense of self, nor which people are most likely to benefit from medical transition. When making life-changing decisions, what is the correct balance between keeping options as flexible and open as possible as you move into adulthood, and responding to how you feel right now?”

Doubtless, the Gender Criticals wish the nonbinary non-transitioner to be as non-existent as their more deviant sibling. But while a greater deviant still exists, those that happen to be more acceptable, more assimilate-able, are called upon to do the one thing they’re good for:

Kick the weaker bitch out.

Such too is the final fate of detransitioners under the patriarchal regime. They are to be the knife in the back of their siblings, and when those are gone, they will find their own backs perforated.

So far I have provided eloquent arguments towards clear and singular conclusions—at least, I hope you’ve found me eloquent and clear. Today, on this matter, I offer no such thing. I have nothing to offer but this: so long as transition is reviled, so long as the transsexual are persecuted in any manner at all, there is no freedom of sex and there is no neutrality. Insofar as this pertains to detransition: so long as the transsexual are persecuted, hated, and forced into obscurity, we are likewise bound to their persecution, hatred, and abandonment. So long as that holds, voluntary detransition can never be free.

What Now?

I know. I’m a killjoy. It’s a fate all serious anarchists and college dropouts must contend with: if we’re really sincere about what we think, the mood will be thoroughly murdered.

The fight is clear. The fight is needed. And, the fight is hard. But there is life to be lived in the meanwhile, and it’s worth living even if we don’t see a victory during our time. Total certainty may be impossible and foolish to seek—but you have to make choices anyway. Doing nothing is merely choosing passivity and inertia; you face the consequences either way.

So I ask again: how do you know?

If you’re someone contemplating detransition, here’s the second best thing I can offer: have the courage, the self-insight, and the compassion to face yourself and be honest. Have the intelligence and the disobedience to measure what you’ve been told about transition and transsexuality against the things you have seen and experienced. Have the audacity to be wrong, to make mistakes as many times as you need. Have the pride to ask for better things than you are offered. Have the humility to not think yourself exceptional. Above all, never relinquish the responsibility over your life and your choices to anyone or anything else. No, no one else knows any better. No, there is no easier way.

The first best thing I can offer—to anyone, detrans or not—is to tell you how I knew. In the end I speak from my own experiences, and so it’s only fitting that the message I broadcast is incomplete without a degree of testimony.

Oh, it is to my chagrin, believe me—well, kind of. For all that I love attention and getting told I write oh so powerfully well, a part of me also detests personality pieces. I’m just one woman; I don’t mean much; I shouldn’t mean much. But you must’ve wondered, right? Especially if you don’t recognise yourself in me. I’ve spoken briefly about aspects of my de/transition, and let’s say you took all that for granted, but you must’ve wondered: how did I get here in the first place? How did it feel? How does it feel? Really, truly, how? And why?

I don’t like personality pieces because I think they mine for compassion. That can be a catalyst for a great many things, but just as often I’ve had people treat me with total nicety and then vote for a politician that would kill me, or exile a child that used to be me. Compassion is common, human, and incredibly cheap.

It is also required for kinship. For comparison, for legibility. And one of the issues that plagues detransitioners is illegibility. Silence. A lack of reference by which to see yourself. Community is best known by example.

So an example I shall provide. Next time.

Recommended Reading

On the freedom of sex: Andrea Long Chu, The Right To Change Sex.

On the nature of sex/gender hierarchy within the patriarchy: Talia Bhatt, Understanding Transmisogyny, Part 1.

On the mechanisms of gender-conservatism among women: Andrea Dworkin, Right-Wing Women.

[domiiomii]

In my opinion Silco’s goal being a righteous one works so well with all the evil stuff he does in service of that ultimate noble dream of “liberation for Zaun” and it is quite interesting to see because for him every action is deeply calculate with that objective in mind, a very fascinating exercise on does the end justify the means?

I think is important to understand why he does things, like he doesn’t sell drugs just to become rich, (comparatively to other chem-barons he doesn't seem particularly ostentatious in any way nor him nor the people that work for him or his own daughter); he sells shimmer in an effort to have complete political power and control over Zaun with the ultimate goal of using that power to unite the undercity and fight against piltover oppression.

He doesn’t kill Vander because he is resentful and wants revenge, he does it because Vander has been fully assimilated by the system, as Silco sees it he is no longer a protector or leader for the undercity, in his effort to protect his kids he becomes another pawn for piltover. Silco can forgive whatever happened between them but he can’t forgive Vander’s betrayal of Zaun. 

Silco is brutal and ruthless but it is not like he is sadistic and enjoys the violence, he understands the violence is necessary to become a force so big that piltover can no longer ignore the plight of Zaun AND IT WORKS! You can hate his actions and disagree I don’t think it is necessary to agree but it is to valuable to understand where those actions come from and what that violence is used for. At the end of the day his methods worked perfectly, he got everything he wanted BECAUSE OF THAT VIOLENCE, because of the fear he managed to instill on Piltover or by becoming impossible to ignore. Every choice, every horrendous action, every person he killed or ruined on his way there was in favor of that goal and it worked. Sure, you can think he also had his own selfish goals, some people even interpret it as wanting to "own" Zaun, but that doesn't make the oppression of Piltover any less real or the goal of liberation from that oppression any less necessary.

I also think it is interesting to see Ekko in contrast to Silco because in Ekko we see a more sanitized version of him, he could be considered a "good revolutionary". Him and the Firelights help and protect their people and the only violence they practice is against Silco, which in itself is really funny as a goal because what does this actually accomplish against the higher overarching problem of piltover oppression? Nothing, pitlover doesn't even know Ekko exists, by all means his fight against Silco is beneficial to piltover even if he doesn't realize it. Something also intriguing to me is how Ekko as the "good revolutionary" according to the writing tries to take out the one person who is actually offering any real resistance to piltover oppression and this gets proven when after Silco's death the undercity gets brutalized by pitlover because there is nothing stopping them anymore, there is no force to be afraid of, no one really to offer resistance, EVEN the Firelights. As for Ekko he doesn't even get to fully say his piece to his oppressors and actually ends up working as a redemption arc to Himmerdinger who as chief of piltover's council for near 200 years was responsible for the horrible situation on the undercity that led to the suffering Ekko and his people were experiencing, it wasn't even Silco's fault in that regard.

It is funny how much of the writing is very counter-revolutionary (not that it is surprising sadly) but at the same time Silco’s logic, reasoning and ways get vindicated and proven right by the end, his only failure was not his political ideas or his methods but that he gentle parented too hard but oh well can’t hate a man for loving his daughter I guess

[qqueenofhades]

I love your essays; they are fascinating. Thank you for sharing your perspective! I have a follow up question, if you have the time or energy: in your last, you said, “It's a blueprint for a tiny group of extreme right-wing theocrats and fascists to get their way regardless of what the broader public says about it…”. Who ARE the tiny group of extreme right wing theocrats and fascists? Is it the politicians whom we see all over the news, like Vance and Boebert ands Haley and DeSantis? Or are they puppets whose strings are being pulled by donors behind the scenes, like…I don’t know, the Koch brothers and the Uleins (sp?)? I feel like whoever it is must have mind boggling amounts of money, to overcome the sheer number of people who don’t think like that, even people nominally republican who believe in traditional low taxes and small government, but are not completely bananapants. Or maybe that’s why they tagged trump, bc no one before him was willing to act like enough of an outright gangster to seriously move the needle…? How much more rich than disgustingly rich do they need to be?

Perhaps surprisingly, it's fairly easy to identify the Hall of Shame who are busily trying to end American democracy, not least because they have become increasingly open about it. Their motives are diverse but all terrible. The quick rundown is as follows:

First, the alt-right billionaires club such as Peter Thiel, Elon Musk, Harlan Crow, and Leonard Leo (the last two are some of the chief funnelers of dark money to SCOTUS; Crow is Clarence Thomas's sugar daddy). They have reasons ranging from grandiose delusions about "remaking" the world in their preferred image (not at all terrifying) to attaching themselves to fascist politics in order to defeat workers' rights and labor unions, who they view as a threat to their mega-wealth. Thiel is the primary sponsor of JD Vance and the alt-right cryptobros clubs that draw the young right-wing white men who also primarily form the membership of neo-Nazi and white nationalist groups. They want to end democracy in order to punish women, minorities, LGBTQ+ people, and anyone else who Nazis always hate. Crow and Leo have lavishly funded the corrupt SCOTUS in order to influence their preferred right-wing rulings, and there are undoubtedly more who we don't even know about. This is just the tip of the iceberg and I have no doubt that it's far, far worse than anything that has been publicly reported.

Next are the extremist right-wing interest groups that have cohered around and advocated for Project 2025, which is basically just the conservative-extremist wet dream put in one place and written down. They include the Heritage Foundation (the primary Project 2025 author) the Federalist Society and the John Birch Society of right-wing judges and policymakers, and Opus Dei, the secretive Catholic right-wing influence group who are straight out of a Dan Brown novel but are in fact some of the most consequential and powerful players in MAGA World. Their name means "work of God" in Latin, which is very much what they see themselves as doing, and their reach in DC is vast, particularly in the far-right evangelical and fundamentalist Christian groups that have attached themselves to Trump as a vehicle to push through their regressive-reactionary social and cultural politics, especially on abortion, women's rights, LGBTQ+ rights, and other things that they view as "unholy." These are the diehard true believers who really, truly think that it's better for the US to be a fascist theocracy espousing "Right and Moral" religious views than a flawed, pluralist, and secular democracy. Hard Yikes.

Thirdly we have the useful idiots, such as Vance, Ron DeSantis, Boebert, Greene, basically pick-a-Republican-politician-here, who are pursuing fascist politics out of careerism, opportunism, some amount of genuine belief, and exploiting the age-old fissures of American racism, nativism, xenophobia, and other original sins that have dogged the country since its founding. Of course, Trump himself is chief among these useful idiots, because he's completely willing to end American democracy and install himself as Dictator-for-Life if it exempts him from having to face the consequences for all the crimes he did last time (and frankly, his entire life, which is now catching up with him). I don't think Trump has an actual consistent or coherent policy bone in his body; witness how quickly he was willing to flip-flop on the Florida abortion issue depending on what he thought was useful (and then after the backlash he received from his base). He's a malignant narcissistic sociopath who is incapable of complex reasoning and long-term planning. His only and overriding interest is himself, he will do absolutely whatever he has to in order to save himself, and as long as he has his death grip on the GOP, everyone who wants to succeed in the party or even have a future in it has to slavishly kiss Don Corleone Trump's ring. That is why many lifelong Republicans have been breaking ranks to say they will vote for Harris, because "being a Republican's" one and only qualification is now "being utterly loyal to Trump." That's it.

These are all actors based more or less in the US, but we also can't forget the fact that basically the entire Republican Party is in deep, deep hock to Vladimir Putin and other foreign autocrats (but most especially and dangerously Putin). We just had the DOJ indictment of MAGA influencers who were taking Russian black cash by the bucketload in order to spread damaging lies about Biden/Harris and pump for Trump, and this is consistent with Russia's pattern of extensive interference in American elections going back to at least 2016. It is hard to overstate how much Putin hankers to end American democracy for many reasons. He is a former KGB agent trained in the black-and-white us-and-them logic of the Cold War where the US was the USSR's archenemy, his constant mourning for the USSR's collapse has been well documented, and it would be the absolute defining and singular achievement of all of post-imperial Russian history for Putin to effectively end American democracy with a second Trump term.

This is for the simple reason that Trump is utterly in thrall to Putin and will do whatever he asks, whether it's cutting off aid to Ukraine and forcing them to accept annexation by Russia, pulling America out of NATO and letting Putin set his invasion sights on Poland and the Baltic states, and anything else. That is genuinely terrifying but very likely if Trump was re-elected, aside from the end of American democracy and the worldwide ramifications it would have to empower fascist authoritarians everywhere. Putin is trying to achieve this through a combination of good old-fashioned Soviet-style dezinformatsiya, paying off MAGA influencers, putting the entire resources of the Russian state into defaming Harris-Walz, and recruiting useful idiots like his asset Jill Stein, who has extensive Russian ties and only pops up every four years for idiot leftists to spoil their vote and ruin Democratic electoral prospects. So. Again. Hard yikes.

So that's the quick rundown of the people who are vested in Trump and Project 2025's success and why, and as you can see, while they're all different, they're all terrible. But yes: that really is a very, very small group of people, relatively speaking. And a vote for anyone except Kamala Harris and Tim Walz is a vote to empower them and also to ensure that you will never have the chance to vote again, due to living in an authoritarian fascist regime. Choose wisely.

[prospectingnightnovel]

Spoilers ahead:

So, as it is commonly accepted, and talked about in the manga: Laios prefers monsters to humans.

Laios does not care for the complexities of humanity - this is probably due to his autism, and his lack of ability to read people. From a child, he didn't understand why everyone hated his sister. In adulthood, he faced issue with Toshirou, because he didn't realize his "fake" politeness. Later on, he doesn't pick up on Kabru's desire to be friends until they pointedly say it.

This brings me to my next point... Why monsters? Why did Laios not become introverted? He could have easily left the army and started a bakery. He could have lived through others in a merch shop. Why was his fascination with the fantastical consume him? (Note: to a point him and falin did, if daydream hour is considered canon, Laios did join a travelling caravan and lived a "normal" life.)

INTRODUCE MY MAIN POINT!!!!!

LAIOS AND HIS CHILDHOOD DOGS!!!!!!

Even to his parents, Laios never felt like he could properly confide in them, thus he turned to the farm life he grew up with. Things that don't talk back, but listen attentively. His father, who was the town mayor, and his mother, who was pregnant at the time, possibly had little time to tend to him. It could also be due to his lack of socialization, which we don't know much about at this age, but we can later see that he never quite fit in with the town's children.

However, Laios doesn't continue to treat these animals as "inanimate objects", things that will listen to him without any response. Soon, animals become "people".

A boy who was rejected socially found family in dogs; thus they taught him much of what he knew. His behaviourisms make a lot more sense, I feel like, if you look at it this way. Dogs are blunt creatures - when they're mad, they bare their teeth. When they're in a good mood, they wag their tail and show their belly. Compared to humans, who you have to deeply analyse their smallest twitch of a brow, it's outright confusing.

But, in the end, Laios cannot hate humanity because he loves his friends. This group he's collected are all people he cares for, equally as much as his sister. Even in the perfect world - a world consumed by the dungeon - Laios does not have a desire to see his friends harmed.... because they are "simple" people.

Chilchuck is outspoken. He's not afraid to growl and snap his teeth, though he struggles with the secrets of his life, and is tight with his affections.

Senshi? He's one of the few who actively support Laios' interest in monsters. He offers advice without cruelty, and anything he says is always genuine and with the best intentions.

I think that Marcille is easily understood by both the Touden siblings due to this. She shows her distaste easily, and her emotions seem to pour out of her. You always know what Marcille is feeling. I think Marcille reciprocates that feeling: As confusing as his desires for monsters might be, she knows Laios will always be there for her. They are a pack. I found it interesting out of all the desires he might feel, he wanted Marcille to be safe and happy. And I would argue it wasn't simply due to the string of the manga, having Marcille as the previous dungeon master. It's a long build-up of their friendship: From the succubus scene to curing Marcille's nightmares.

[geekgirles]

I'm actually quite proud of Armand right now. Openly admitting to Amalia the reason their relationship was always strained was because he'd always been jealous of her and her relationship with their father is such a great character moment for him.

One thing season 4 is definitely delivering is some much needed depth and exploration of the Sadida Royal family. And I find myself fascinated (not only because Amalia is my favourite character and I have a soft spot for her people).

Personally, Armand is a character I have a lot of trouble having a clear stance on. I don't hate him, and it's true his motives become clear and even understandable once you give them some thought, it's just that Ankama does a wonderful job at making him both outwardly dislikable given his abrasive personality and some of his most questionable actions.

For example, season 3 Armand and season 4 Armand are almost like night and day. Maybe it is indeed that his new role as king has forced him to be more responsible and emotionally mature, but the vibes between L'assamblée and Falling Down are completely different.

In season 3 he just oozed contempt for his sister, and his actions towards her reeked of ulterior motives. The fact that Aurora has been described as manipulative (even her hairstyle is meant to hint at her true nature) and was purposely placed in between the two siblings as a visual nod to how she's keeping them apart doesn't help matters.

Which is another factor to take into account: Aurora's character and the role she plays in the siblings' deteriorating bond.

Even if so far she seems to genuinely love Armand, I really can't bring myself to trust Aurora. Not only because of all the behind-the-scenes facts I already mentioned, but because her actions are just sketchy and clearly veered to the betterment of the Osamodas rather than the Sadida.

First of all, her contempt for Amalia is genuine and she legitimately seems to be planning to send her away to keep her from interfering with her plans. After all, this is literally what she had to say about her sister-in-law:

"Ne vous en faîtes pas mon prince, nous finirons bien par redresser cette mauvaise herbe."

Translation: "Don't worry, my prince, we'll get this weed straightened out in the end."

(I haven't watched the English dub, so my apologies if the translation doesn't match the official version).

There's also the fact that, despite being the new Sadida Queen, her intentions in season 3 clearly laid in the benefit of her own kingdom, the Osamodas. Such is reflected in her choice of suitors for Amalia:

She intended for Amalia to marry Ashdur, her own cousin, thus, strengthening the Osamodas' hold over Sadida politics. In fact, it becomes quite clear Aurora's choice in suitors, only supported by Amalia implying back then her sister-in-law had already tried the same thing with her brothers, was much less about the future of the Sadida Kingdom and more about the Osamodas' sake.

After all, while arranged marriages between royal families isn't anything new, usually the sensible and even most strategic thing to do is for rulers to"spread" their children and marry them into different families around the world. That is exactly what Ferdinand of Aragon and Isabela of Castile did with their own children, they married them off to the royal families of England, Portugal, and Austria.

With that in mind, having both Sheran Sharm children marry Osamodas royalty just seems dumb, doesn't it? It all comes to show Aurora is more concerned over solidifying her power over the Sadida Kingdom than its actual well-being.

Which is why I'm still going to keep my guard up regarding her character until the season ends. After all, we still have 9 more episodes where everything can go up in flames.

But going back to Armand, even though he is in love with his wife, his treatment of Amalia in L'assamblée is leagues better than it was in season 3. Unlike most of his appearances and his interactions with his sister, where he kept treating her like a child who didn't know any better (what she just so happened to accuse him of when presented with Ashtur, as a matter of fact), here not only does he finally open up to his sister about his insecurities and his reasoning for his behaviour towards her, but he offers her support in the wake of their father's passing and even invites her to attend the assembly with him.

He is entrusting her with responsibilities befitting a queen, not a child.

Their relationship is finally healing.

As I said earlier, despite the undeniable depth behind his character, it's difficult to really side with Armand in plenty of occasions. Not only because of his difficult personality and flaws, but because it is so much easier to sympathise with Amalia.

And I'm not talking exclusively about the fact that, as one of the main characters, we've been by her side throughout everything, witnessing her true selfless, responsible, and brave self, but the fact that her position within her own family certainly tugs at our heartstrings.

Amalia is the youngest sibling, the princess. For all the sheltering and privileges that can get her, it also became her gilded cage. And for the most part, not even her family was a safe haven.

Queen Sheran Sharm died when Amalia was probably still a kid, whereas Armand was most likely already a teenager. As King Oakheart revealed back when he explained to Amalia it had been Armand who insisted they let her go, the queen's death shook their entire family, making the king and prince unintentionally turn their backs on Amalia during a time she needed as much affection as possible. And so, her royal duties became stifling, her royal upbringing unbearable. Thus is the reason for her wanderlust.

And then we have Armand's reason for not always being fair to her: jealousy. He resented her for being Oakheart's favourite, despite constantly going off to adventures while he remained in the kingdom by his side. Now, as I said, this was a great character moment for Armand, one that also belies his character development. However, it doesn't change the fact that, while easier to relate and sympathise with him, we still sympathise with Amalia more or have been doing so for far longer because we knew the effect this had had on her.

We all have been someone's scapegoat to their frustrations with a third person, we have all been treated unfairly by someone who, for whatever reason, couldn't solve their own issues with the person they had problems with in the first place and took it out on us. This is the crux of Armand and Amalia's strained relationship: for years, Armand took his frustrations and insecurities out on Amalia instead of having an honest conversation with their father.

That's why it's easier to sympathise with Amalia, because we know that, deep down, for all her flaws, she was never at fault for how their relationship turned out. Because we can understand her frustration and pain when, even with their dying father, Armand still chose to listen to his wife over her and try to marry her off instead of being there for each other when they both needed most. As Amalia called him out for before leaving with Yugo, he still chose politics over family. Everything involving Armand and Aurora is about politics.

But now that they are at least beginning to rebuild their relationship, I sincerely hope things get better for them. Unless their original intentions back in 2017 have changed, I seriously fear Ankama will still use Aurora to complicate things further between these two.

Please, Ankama, I'm literally begging you. They're all the family they each have left, don't let their relationship be ruined forever.

[auguryofjellyfish]

‎‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎Everything felt fine, when I was half of a pair.

speculative character study on Hasegawa, his inner life, mentality, social issues, and connections.

applicable as of day 24, 2nd day of Chapter 4.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎[The World]

Hasegawa Ken is in love with the World.

His entire being is of service to appreciating every single detail of it.

It's a complex sort of love. A calm and quiet constant, but also energizing and jittery at times. It thrums beneath his skin, to the rhythm of his heart. It makes him want to know everything. Absorbing as much knowledge as he can- that is what he lives for.

He adores some topics more than others, of course. He has a particularly soft spot for marine life. But he loves, most of all, to look back. Who, how, where, when, why? How did we get here? Where did that come from? Everything has a history. And “history” is about as dense a field as you can get- It's practically endless, and endlessly fascinating. Countless events led us to our current moment in time. Everything that exists came from somewhere. Isn't it just so interesting, to know about the origins of even the most mundane of matters, things people just accept as given without a second thought? Well, he wants to know. Besides...the past is safe. The future is a dangerous unknown, but the past is done, he can learn about it all he wants, and it can't hurt him, and anyone else, anymore. It's already happened, and so, he doesn't have to be scared of it. Helps that he's so good at dealing with it, too.

He loves the World. As for the people in it...well...

It's complicated.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎[The People]

Hasegawa is not very fond of interacting with people.

If he has to, he can do it. He doesn't hate others nor especially minds them, he can be polite and respectful! Even then, he'd still rather be doing anything else...When most interactions make you feel uncomfortable, who could blame you for your lack of enthusiasm? He can have small talk, or a light conversation sometimes, it's not that big of a deal. He just won't really go out of his way to have them.

But in truth, Hasegawa loves to talk. Especially when he gets to share his knowledge, his passion, about the World that delights him so. When he immerses himself in it, his nervousness disappears. Hasegawa is oriented more conceptually than socially. That is his way of connecting. Whether it's about something that interests him, or a thing that exists in the same vicinity as him and the other person- when he talks about it, it's like he's saying “Hey, look! You and I, we're both here, in the World.” They are not just random fun facts, or unrelated anectodes- it's him. His passion is him, and when he's sharing it, he's sharing himself. It's as natural as breathing.

Or, was. It's just. He knows better now.

Kids can be cruel. To kids who prefer to stay in and read instead of play. To kids who can ramble endlessly about things that are completely irrelevant to people's everyday lives. Starting every other sentence with “Did you know...?” To kids who seem much more invested in random concepts, instead of their actual conversation partners as people. But he's not- he isn't-

He is interested. He'd love to learn about them, too. To know them as deeply as he could.

How many times did he get called annoying? A know-it-all? How many times was he shut down when he was only getting started? How many times was he told to be quiet? How many times did he see people grow bored and tired of him? He doesn't want to be irritating, he just wants to share himself with people. Is that so wrong...? Over time, his eyes lowered more and more, his shoulders hunched as he got taller, his voice grew softer as it turned deeper. He knows better now. He grew up, and he learned how to do this whole social thing better. Don't be overzealous. He still can't help himself sometimes....But he also remembers...and is always ready to apologize. Every conversation is a potential minefield. Arms in front of himself, always. Bracing for impact.

It's okay. He still has about everything else.

Now, he just prefers to keep himself on the down-low. Quiet, subdued, just in case. It's not ideal, to constrict himself to this degree, and it makes interactions more of a chore, to suppress his instincts, but... well. It's safer. It's less painful. He's already too sensitive either way. And he really, really doesn't like confrontation.

He doesn't really like going to school. He studies for hours everyday as a passion, so- definitely people related. He's not outright bullied, per se. People might be trying to buddy up to him now, because of his wealth, and it's clear that's the only reason they want to befriend him. Maybe he gets too much attention. Or, on the contrary, he has no one to talk to. He doesn't reach out, others don't reach out to him, he doesn't mesh with anyone, he doesn't even get the chance to grow comfortable... and that's that. It just has to suck to be amongst big groups of people and be constantly reminded of how you're lacking, of how alone you are. You can't learn about people like you'd learn from a book.

He has his issues, but, it's not like he's particularly unhappy...

Well...He might be a little lonely...

...

B-but...He still has his family! They're always there for him.

They love him and accepts him for who he is, he gets to utilize his passion in the most lucrative way possible, and he wants for nothing. He couldn't be more fortunate. He's still so worried about everything, about his family, about what's going to happen in the future, but what he has now...It has to be enough.

For a time. Because family is not supposed to be everything you have, forever. In Hasegawa's student log, there's a lot of emphasis put on his future. He himself is worried about it. As people grow up, they're supposed to go out into the world, to branch out, have their own place, have a job, get married. His family wondered whether the last one was in the cards for him. It might not be up in the air only because he's gay, though it's a big factor, but also because it's so hard for him to build connections in the first place. He...maybe he'd also like to have that last one too, one day-

Then again... this difficulty makes the times when he does find a connection all the more special.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ [Kamimura Kazutoshi]

It's very late. Hasegawa's sitting in the dining hall, barely able to keep his eyes open. And then, look at that. Kamimura is out too, in the dead of night. Their previous interaction was pleasant enough. Good, even. And, Hasegawa's so tired and sleepy it makes him relaxed, more than he would be otherwise. His defences are down.

They're in a “game of life and death”. He's supposed to feel paranoid about everyone and everything, he should to be wary of his own shadow, but...right now, he just isn't. Kamimura is so nice and friendly.

This conversation is going well, too. It's flowing steadily. Calm. Comfortable. Easy. Easy smiles, easy laughter, easy lightness.

Then, Kamimura says that he's glad Hasegawa's there.

And he tells him he can call him by his first name.

And that was that.

Since then, they were inseparable. Still practically strangers, but they were already...of, each other. Their beings tied together. It was an almost insant connection. And all it took was Kamimura reaching his hand out to him. Kamimura trusted him in some way from the get go, didn't include him in “I don't know any of these people, and I don't want them to know me”, and clearly enjoyed talking and being with him. Hasegawa was very fond of Kamimura as well. He was definitely comfortable around him, enough that it automatically improved his social skills tenfold. He wasn't a perfect friend, but he always, always tried to be there for him. To help him in any way he could. Taking on his punishment in the Decision Game wasn't even a choice, it would be unthinkable for him not to take it. He comforted him during a breakdown. When he betrayed Kamimura's trust, he didn't skulk off with his tail between his legs, he'd tried his hardest to make it right. He revealed his vulnerabilities in turn. And he never made the same mistake again.

He wanted to keep him safe and protected, to look after his well-being, to be kind to him, because he truly cared.

They didn't make each other perfectly happy always, that's not what it was about. They bickered, teased each other, miscommunicated, fought, made up. But the mere fact of just existing in the other's presence- talking, exploring, or doing their own separate activities together in silence, was much more important. If they were suddenly rescued, there would be no question of whether they'd want to stay in each other's lives.

We know that Kamimura was completely alone for years. And yet, it still felt natural and easy for him to be in Ken's presence. He trusted him. He felt safe with him. Always.

And Hasegawa only thought of him.

He was invested in his problems and feelings only. Always worried, about nobody else, nobody but him.

Hasegawa wasn't especially obsessed with Kamimura, or incapable of functioning without him, or any other extremes like that. He was his own person outside of the relationship, and they weren't unhealthily codependent. They sometimes separated, to have their alone time, apart from each other. Ken just made that “time alone” more literal.

With 100% certainty, they grew to love each other as close friends, at least. They were both quite lonely individuals who generally don't have an easy time of connecting with others, so when they encountered a connection that felt so easy, it only makes sense to hold onto it. They could show each other the sides of themselves that are normally hidden from the world. Honest. Vulnerable. Real.

Their relationship wasn't a problem. When they were together, it was good....Whatever Hasegawa had with Kamimura, it was more than enough for him. Enough to not try and seek “more”, to actually make an effort and cultivate other relationships on his own. That's not the sort of thing he normally does, anyway. He likes to keep his friend group small, after all.

In this short period of 21 days, Kamimura became the best friend he's ever had. Maybe even something else.

And that's when it ended.

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎[The End]

it was beautiful, until it wasn't.

Kamimura is gone.

And Hasegawa was left with zero meaningful relationships and social ties besides him. Whenever he interacted with others, it was always either forced by circumstance, or he was with Kamimura - conversing with people from the place of being as a unit. It was easier, because with someone, he was never the sole focus. On his own, he had never initiated a conversation, not once.

There's a reason that when you're, for example, married, your spouse shouldn't be the only person you have. Even if it's a great relationship, things happen, people leave, people die, and when you put all your eggs in one basket, you are left with nothing.

No one even knows how to approach him. Some people try, but their attempts fall flat. The person who would be the most qualified to try and reach him is gone too. He doesn't seek out anyone nor accept their support, just...retreats. He was barely even a part of the wider group, and now he's barely anything at all.

Hasegawa didn't “just” lose a loved one, his best friend, someone he cared about a lot, someone he was with always. He also lost the only regular source of social interaction, good feelings, engaging conversation, laughter, care, warmth, and belonging he's had for almost a month.

Kamimura didn't “just” die. He was tortured. Desecrated. His life and being were treated like worthless trash specifically to fuck with him.

And Hasegawa was left behind with all of this, things that are beyond traumatizing, with no one whose support he wants, with no one he trusts, with no one he's very comfortable with, or especially likes. No one who brings him joy.

Ken has never been on his own to this degree. He has no one.

He somewhat blamed himself for Isono's death and he had nothing to do with it. He had made no promises to her.

But Kamimura was his to protect.

He's normally so anxious, but with him, he was strong. Because he had someone to be strong for.

“They were always together” rings in his ear. If that's true, then why not then? Why? How could he have let him down like that? Why? Why did he leave him alone?

Why didn't he think of what a hazard it is, for someone to have a completely separate and unattended food supply?

He was in a room right across the hall. He was so close, and he didn't hear a thing. He just sat there, blissfully unaware, while Kamimura was being tortured not even 30ft away.

He died in horrible pain, choking on his own blood, just because he was close to him.

Because of him.

He had so many chances to save him, and he lost each and every one.

It's all his fault.

Kidnapped, ripped away from his family, in an uncertain and stressful environment, he's had the security of being with someone, with Kamimura, since the very beginning.

He had considered the possibility that either of them might die. But it was never more than a vague sort of anxiety, brought by the logic of their environment. He was more scared for Kamimura because of his health problems. Still, if he'd died, Hasegawa knew that he would be devastated.

He never could have imagined that it would happen like that.

What is he supposed to do now?

Hasegawa Ken still has the World, like he's always had.

But, what is the World worth now?

Everything felt fine, when he was half of a pair.

Now through the fault of his, there's no other half there.

He just wants to go home.

‎

[queenofallimagines]

Satan if you were a satanist before you arrived in the devildom

A/n: listennnn in between getting dragged by the Lucifer chat bots, writing two really long fics and having brain worms about this Au I’ve had so many thoughts and Satan has landed in my radar☺️ asmo and Simon are NEXT bc guardian angels are a whole DIFFERENT can of worms

I’m gunna use like ACTUAL satanic lore mixed in w the game lore

Satan:

- okay so boom

- Right off the bat he can tell you are different

- Sitting back waiting to see how you react to everyone

- Takes note you’re much more respectful to him than the rest

- Thought you were walking on eggshells because you were terrified of him but you ain’t scared at all

- You see through all his pranks

- “He’ll probably see that coming a mile away. Try moving it over here Lucifer don’t check there.”

- Color him impressed

- Does see you don’t really freak out like his brothers when he goes into one of his little rage fits

- When he offered to make the pact with you to piss Lucifer off you were really caught at a pass

- Like for one you technically already have a soft pact with him being a devotee

- But also you don’t want to disrespect him by saying no

- Choosing to not get on Lucifer’s bad side because you still do have a mission to do in that attic, soyou politely decline

- “I’m sorry, but I’m not going to make a pact with you that isn’t built on a mutual trust and understanding”

- He’s always told you to sniff out a trap and you were NOT falling for it

- Blinded by rage for not getting his way, that’s when he lashes out

- He feels something weird in his chest when he looks at you in that moment but he can’t quite understand it. Like a tugging feeling at the back of his head trying to tell him something

- When you get caught I. The middle of the whole “they’re the same person thing” you just roll your eyes

- “No shit they’re not the same person🙄😒 Satan and Lucifer couldn’t be more different, Lucifer is the morning star and Satan is more tricker than anything :/ crazy how yall don’t do research”

- Ngl he almost fell for you right then and there

- He cannot STAND that especially when humans call anything and everything Satan and refer to him and Lucifer like they’re the same person.

- Looks at you with star eyes for a second before sticking to you like glue. He’s very fascinated with you and wants to study you under a microscope

- Ask you if you’re like Solomon and have been studying for years

- Did you manage to get your hands on some devildom textbook somehow?

- Maybe even some texts form the celestial realm

- “Not really but that would be super cool to read.”

- He himself hates misinformation so you be correcting all the demon brothers with the quickness

- Lucifer is very annoyed and Satan is elated

- Notices you looking at him a lot, like you’re analyzing him

- Ofc he’s blunt and isn’t gunna beat around the bush he asks you what you’re doing starring at him like that

- “It’s really nice to see what you actually look like… if you’re shape shifting all the time and this is the form you stay in full time it’s… nice to see you face to face”

- Confused for a second because he doesn’t often make trips directly to the human world even for a summoning

- “Well I mean, in the human world we don’t actually know what you look like. The only book that has a description of what you looked like and are has the pages mysteriously ripped out and have never been found. I assume that was your doing?”

- Shocked pikachu bc he fr forgot he did that in his younger years

- His mischievous tendencies have been delegated directly to Lucifer, he understands the value of books now

- “Ah,,, I do recall doing that. It would make sense why you’re starring at me so hard.”

- Blushes when you call him a pretty boy

- Like he’s in his room kicking his feet giggling

- You bring him his offerings directly

- He won’t even realize you’re doing deity work with him and is just excited to spend time with you

- Whenever you come back home from class or whatever you give him little things you got in your way back or snacks he likes

- Nobody has ever seen satan smile this much

- Lucifer peeps when it’s your turn to cook dinner you just so happen to favor foods Satan likes and uses ingredients he does to cook too

- Will be very suspicious of you mirroring his behavior

- Satan is none the wiser truly he’s assure at familiar feeling is like some star crossed lovers stuff and you were meant to meet by fates hands

- Has so many cute cat themed things in his room from you

- Lucifer is not liking how you seem to be trying to gain his trust for your own reasons but he can���t sense anything malicious.

- He can’t pinpoint any alternate motive for this behavior

- Satan will not notice until someone points it out to him

- Lucy straight up asks you why you’re getting so friendly with him

- Mammon also chimes in that you seem like you’re sucking up to him, and Satan feels conflicted be he doesn’t like how they’re accusing you but also the fact that you might be just being nice to him because you want something is setting his nerves on fire

- Rolling your eyes you shoot back at Lucifer that you’re just worshiping Satan like you usually do

- The old man is takes aback and Satan is like…. I beg your pardon?😀

- “Satan has been my patron for years now, the only thing that’s different is that I can give him my offerings and ask him for help directly”

- Mammon is chewing the carpet he’s supposed to be your first man!

- Satan is flabbergasted and is searching his memory for this information

- Before he remembers

- “How did I not notice??”

- “I thought you knew??”

- “NO???”

- Dinner is wild bc now asmo asking for embarrassing memories of you

- Rip bc Satan gon tell it ALL😭

- I feel like he’d be the type to keep a log so he might not remember every single face and name because he does fuck with some people who summon him

- Grabs your notebook from his room and starts reciting shit BAR FOR BAR

- “Oh yeah i remember this! You were quite a rowdy child picking fights with everyone. Your temper was awful”

- “YOU DO NOT GET TO FUCKING SAY THAY TO ME!!”

- laughing because he’s taking a stroll down memory lane and he’s dragging you along

- Can feel your anger a mile away, he’s in your ear now more than EVER going “don’t you want to go apeshit?”

- Constantly encouraging you to loose your temper on Lucifer

- He feeds off your rage and it feels almost euphoric to him, because he’s an instigator if anything😭

- “Where the fuck is your rage?? Lucifer was definitely disrespecting you👀👀”

- Exhausting

- Lucifer will get on him about having you up for hours on end reading and studying when you need to sleep

- You will NOT fail any class not on his fucking watch! He’s gunna make sure you excel in this exchange program academically

- Even if he’s not who you ask for things he’s helping you

- “Do NOT as belphie for help with dream interpretation I’ll help you!!”

- Very proud to show you off

- “Y’all see MY human?”

- Mammon is trying not to start problems on purpose

- He will probably bend you over Lucifer’s desk bestie it’s inevitable

- If you’re intimate before he knows he’s really gentle and makes sure to take his time with you

- If it’s after he will be rough and mean

- He definitely cares about you and loves you but he will pretend he’s using you as a toy

- As if he’s your god and you’re nothing but a lowly mortal designed to be used and filled up by him

- Choking you out and breeding you for hours on end

- Will be so incredibly gentle with aftercare it’s almost like he’s a different person

- “Look at you drooling and can’t even keep your eyes focused. Pathetic. You’re too stupid to think of anything other than how I’m ruining you”

- Makes you struggle to walk every time

- Gets carried away and marks you everywhere like diavolo asking you why there’s a hickey on your ankle😭

- Almost buys you a collar if Lucifer didn’t stop him

- Wants you to know you belong to him and you’re his little follower

- Tells you how good you are for him and gives you a nice reward

- “You’re so good for me, so eager to please and make me happy. My human deserves a reward hm?”

- Cocky asf for no reason PLEASE humble his ass!!

- Gets off on it when you pin him down and call him pathetic

- “The great avatar of wrath Satan himself bouncing on my lap like a whore desperate to get off.”

- He’s literally turning to mush for you

- Whimpering and looking at you with teary eyes

- “P-please I need to cum I’ll do anything”

- Bites back a moan when you coo at him that he’s so pathetic needing a mortal to get off

- He can feel how mean you are and your anger through your pact and it’s making his body buzz with excitement

- Panting and wiggling his hips he’s begging you to fill him up

- Call him a good kitty and he probably won’t be able to last

- Likes when you punish him like best his ass fr leave bruises make his ass bright red!!

- He’s really just attached to you and will cause a big issue when you have to leave the devildom at the end of the year😅

[thisnameisnotspokenfor]

So I lied

there's bits and pieces of the intro to the next chapter not here but enjoy this!

I am pushing to have a Tuesday/Wednesday release!

The forest seemed to hold it’s breath as the star gestured to the surrounding glowing trees. 

“When the order was finally established, a primordial star gave up her spot in the sky, to stay on earth in order to guide the order and firmly cement its placement as the bridge between our worlds. It was a move that impressed the other stars, and to show their support for the newly found order, they made the Asterius that you saw in the market. One created and cultivated from the power of each court to symbolize its unity within the order.”

“Was there any particular reason why they chose a tree  as a symbol?” she asked, as she stared at the glowing trees, gently swaying in the night breeze.

“Yeah…but what’s with your tone? Trees are cool!” he frowned, almost sounding offended.

“They’re alright…but I mean why do stars take such interest in them if they’re practically everywhere? Surely you guys must have cooler things than just…trees!”

“We do but…we wanted to use something familiar to both worlds and besides, have you ever noticed that no matter how far into the heavens a tree can ascend it must always stay rooted to the earth to survive? It can never forget its origins, no matter how far or great it grows…” he smiled thoughtfully as his foot scuffed against the ground. “Isn’t that something?”

Asha slowly nodded, and turned her eyes upwards “Hmm I guess it does sound a bit more…fascinating when you describe it like that…but why do yours glow?”

The star hummed thoughtfully as he rubbed his chin, “Well, the short scientific and aesthetic answer would be bioluminescence to attract nocturnal pollinators. Plus you can always appreciate their beauty no matter what time of day. It makes the nighttime forests nicer, doesn’t it?”

She nodded in agreement, “It does. But what’s the long answer?”

“Well,” he started as he straightened himself. “I don’t know the details exactly but I think it’s also because of their connection to some greater network of energy both with each other and the world around them. One of my nannies would always tell me about it when I was little and couldn’t stop climbing them but it’s pretty convoluted if I’m being honest.”

“A network of energy…” she whispered as her eyes trailed the trees’ glowing roots. “Like your energy?”

“Something like that,” he shrugged before thoughtfully staring at the sky. “I mean they sort of come from our world…so I guess it only makes sense that they would act like that…”

“You know before you told me anyl of this, I never would’ve thought that something as simple as a tree could hold so much meaning in the grand scheme of things,” she confessed. “Sure there was the wishing tree, but that felt more like a relic than anything else…not some political  cosmic display of diplomacy…”

“You’d be surprised…there’s a reason why most Asterius made today are no longer created by all four courts…”

“They aren’t?” she asked, a bit taken aback as the star shook his head.

“No not anymore, not since Deneb’s asterius came into the picture…”

“Deneb has an asterius?”

“Most members of the royal star families and high-ranking nobles do…but few have a tree as controversial as hers….” he hesitated as if mentally debating something before he eventually nodded and turned to her. “Asha” he stated suddenly as she straightened herself in preparation. “You remember how when we were in the forest you told me that you knew that the crimson court hated Deneb because of your father’s writings, right?”

“Right,” she nodded, trying not to shift uncomfortably. 

“Did your father ever state why?” 

“No…his master had been vague about the situation…but from what I could tell, it seemed as if the bad blood between the two parties was a little more extensive than just the courts…it seemed like it involved the council too…”

“It did,” Cepheus carefully nodded. “But did he say anything else?”

“Well…he theorized that it was the result of some act of defiance she did a few years ago that involved her children…you wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?”

“I do,” he confessed. “I don’t know if you’ll like the story but I suppose for you to understand anything I’ll need to give you a few details…”

He gestured for her to follow as they slowly began to near the forest. “I’m not sure if I’ve told you this explicitly,” he started as the glowing trees and shrubbery began to surround them.   “but the crimson court and cerulean court have always hated  each other. They’ve led countless wars and battles against each other long before the order,  Deneb, and her children ever entered the picture.”

“Why?” She asked as she ducked beneath a low-hanging  branch. “Was it differing philosophies? Scandalous love?” She called after the star who’d somehow managed to put a rather large walking distance between them. “Cultural differences? Why did they hate each other?”

He paused as if listening out for something before she finally made her way to his side, “Differing philosophies and a bloodthirsty competitiveness to conquer the galaxies,” the star frowned and abruptly looked away. 

Had…had he been ashamed of his court’s past? She wondered before he quietly continued, “Nevertheless it all seemed to come to a head when during one of these wars…the council, being as senile as they are, had grown both tired and indifferent to the constant fighting. So they decided to exercise their powers to ensure peace would prevail, one that, unlike their past attempts, could not be so easily dismissed…” The star sighed, slowly moving his hand as the air around his fingers began to glow a soft misty blue. 

Soon the rest of the world followed, rippling and blurring, as she blinked, trying to rub the uneasiness from her eyes as her surroundings slowly began to come into focus as she looked around. They were still in a forest, that much she could be sure of as the familiar sight of large, thick glowing greenery greeted her.

But where the distant yet elaborate town of Banquo had once stood was gone, and in its place was a seemingly endless glowing body of water. 

Were they…at the beach? No this couldn’t have been the beach, at least not one she’d been familiar with. Her eyes traced along the light blue shoreline as she took one hesitant step forward before rubbing her eyes in disbelief.

The ocean was glowing. Real oceans didn’t glow. But the feel of the calm sea breeze passing through her braids had nearly convinced her otherwise.

“Wait…” she started, looking around. “Is this another illusion like what you did with the scrolls?”

“Something of the sort,” the star smiled as he spoke from behind her. “Are you enjoying the view?”

She nodded, before looking around again, “Yeah! It’s…beautiful -,” her voice trailed off as she took in the sight of the star who’s skin was now a beautiful shade of cyan, while his hair was nearly white. 

Was this what a blue star looked like? She wondered, as she looked him over and over again.

She wasn’t sure how long she’d been staring, but it was enough to earn herself an all too knowing grin as the star arrogantly extended a sapphire colored wing. “I was talking about the sea, but if you think I’m beautiful as well, and wish to stare,” he humbly gestured to himself as another wing revealed itself. “then by all means, my dear-,” 

“What?!” She scoffed, before waving her hands dismissively as she looked away. Thank God her blushes weren’t visible. “Ha! No! No way! I was talking about the beach! Not you! It’s the beach that’s beautiful, see?! You’re just…blue!” 

“Mmhmm.” He hummed teasingly as his now brilliantly blue  colored iris seemed bright with laughter. “Well either way I hope you enjoy whatever view you choose to partake in….or indulge…”

“I bet you say that to all the girls, don’t you?” she huffed and took a step back as she crossed her arms.

“Only the ones with good taste,” the star lazily grinned, never breaking eye contact with her as he stepped closer to her. His grin only sharpened as she glowered. “The ocean is that way, Asha.”

“I know that, you silly star!” She snapped and sharply turned to face the body of water, hoping to enjoy any semblance of peace she could get.

But alas, no peace came when she heard the king’s voice echoing from behind her as he lightly laughed, “Seriously Asha? Beautiful?” The other voices joined in as she tensed, trying to steady herself with one breath after another.

“Don’t get too attached Asha…Don’t you remember what your poor old father wanted?” rang the king’s voice in her ears again as she flinched. “You’re not supposed to be a part of this world, remember? Much less enjoy it or the beings that come with it.”

She wasn’t enjoying it. She wasn’t! She’d only been stating the obvious when she’d called the beach beautiful! She hadn’t meant anything more than that!

“Asha?” called Cepheus’s voice as she broke into a cold sweat. The echoes of voices faded like smoke as she blinked. “Asha, are you okay?”

“I’m fine!” She blurted, perhaps too quickly to convince anyone before she gestured to their surroundings, “But where are we exactly?”

“Kepler,” he answered as his wings quivered at the passing breeze.

“Kepler?” she narrowed her eyes. She couldn’t recall hearing of a city or country named Kepler…unless- her eyes widened as she stared back at the ocean.  “is this the ocean where you were before you heard my wish? Where you said that Deneb met her soul mate?” 

His smile grew as he nodded. “Yes.”

Ah! So this was the place! He hadn’t been lying when he’d called it beautiful, she thought as she looked over the shoreline once more. If there’d ever been a place she imagined as the setting for a scandalous royal alien fairytale then it would be here. But speaking of royalty…“Where’s the castle?”

“The castle?”

“Yeah, the Cygnus castle? You know the one you told me you loved to visit…you said you could see the waves from it, remember?”

“oh…OH!” he blinked in surprise, before lightly slapping his forehead. “Sorry…That castle wasn’t built yet…”

“Oh…” she replied, trying not to feel disappointed.

“But there’s another castle and a human village not too far from here…” 

“A human village?!” she gasped as he nodded. “There are humans in space?! Why?!!”

“Atlanteans, astronomers, diplomats, smugglers, the sheer expansiveness of the universe- take your pick!” he laughed as he listed the reasons on his clawed fingers. “A lot of humans settled here for different reasons. But the one thing they all have in common is that they’re well taken care of.” He hummed thoughtfully before lowering his hand. “You know Asha if you ever decide to come to space…I’m sure the other humans wouldn’t mind accommodating you and your family! 

Asha frowned. “You think I should stay with the other humans?”

“Of course! I mean…isn’t that what you wanted?”

Well..yes…but…she hadn’t wanted to do so without him. 

She couldn’t explain why, but…In this strange world. In his world, he was her only piece of familiarity. Her safety. How could he be so casual about them splitting up?

“Oh brother, do you hear this guy?!” the king’s voice angrily called as his figure slowly materialized before her. His grip on his spear tightened as he rudely waved to the oblivious star. “Ugh see whenever I tell you that age does not equate to wisdom, it’s because of things like this! You think he’d try to be a little less obvious about it!

‘A little less obvious?’ she wondered, as the king rolled his eyes before continuing, 

“C’mon Asha! Even Dario would be able to tell you that going into space is not the wonderful fix-all solution he’s trying to sell you.” She grimaced, her gaze no longer able to meet his as he stepped forward and shook his head disapprovingly. “Did you really think things would be any different in his world?”

‘I...I don’t know unless I go…maybe things could be different…it could be a fresh start! Maybe I could help people!’ she weakly thought in reply.

“Fresh start?! Asha Those people live amongst stars- why would they bother to entertain anything you have to offer? You have no powers, no title, no wealth, or relevant skill for that matter”

‘I know but…I won’t know unless I try…’ she’d meekly thought as his cruel laughter filled his ears.

“Try? Asha, you haven’t even made your decision to leave and he’s already decided to put you as far away from him as possible. Out of sight, and out of mind.” She could feel the ghost of his hand resting on her shoulder. “Changing environments isn’t going to change anything, Asha, not when we all know that the real problem has always been you. See? It didn’t take your little star very long to figure it out now, did it? He’s not very different from me, is he?”

She bit her lip, feeling her fingernails slowly dig into the palm of her hands as her name echoed within her own ears. Maybe Cepheus had been calling her, she didn’t know. She couldn’t hear him over the sound of the king’s voice teasingly asking her, “What? You didn’t think he wasn’t going to be embarrassed by you?”

‘No! He wasn’t embarrassed!’ she thought, clutching at the cape’s edges. ‘Beauty aside, his world was unarguably dangerous. Her father had almost been killed upon entering it, and now people with ties to it were trying to kill her! Maybe he was just trying to protect her, right? 

“Where’s your confidence?” the queen’s voice gently whispered. It sounded concerned, and maybe if she’d been in a better state of mind, she would’ve thought caring. “If you’re so sure he’s looking out for you then why don’t you tell him how you really feel?”

She could practically hear the grin in the king’s voice as he quickly added. “Or are you just too afraid that he’ll turn you down like the prince did?”

“Asha?” came Cepheus’s voice as she felt him grasp her shoulders. “Asha, are you alright?”

“I-,” she stopped, as a low growl reverberated overhead. 

The growl hadn’t been deafening, but something about it had felt wrong as if she were hearing the sound of a creature that never should’ve existed in the first place.

Her eyes promptly darted to the cloudy yet translucent sky above, narrowly catching sight of something large swiftly disappearing into the clouds as another growl shook the ground. 

She hadn’t seen much of what it was, nor had she wanted to. But from what she could determine, its body had been all too similar to the Atlantean serpentine she’d seen Allepac destroy. 

Only this one had been far bigger and more…organic looking… like it was something more than just an instrument of war….

“W-what in the world was that?!” she cried, stumbling behind the star as her eyes refused to leave the sky.

“The leviathan,” the star casually answered as he looked up at the sky. 

“The Leviathan?” she grimaced, quickly crouching behind the star as another growl filled the air. “Um…quick question...why is it growling like that? Better yet why is it flying?!”

“It’s probably determining whether or not to kill whatever it senses approaching.”

“Kill?” 

“With extreme prejudice…” the star cheerfully replied as if it were the most casual thing in the world. “this could get very nasty very quickly.”

Why he was so calm about this was beyond her…sure this might’ve been an illusion but it was a rather unpleasant one! Then again, he had stated that a star’s true form was rather large…what if he’d been bigger than the leviathan? Was that even possible?!

She hoped not, she thought, before a figure stepped out of the forest and approached.

To her surprise, it was a rather handsome man dressed in stately blue robes who looked to be somewhere in his late twenties or possibly early thirties. He appeared to be partially African, but she could tell through his white-colored dreadlocks, and crystal blue eyes, that he also carried Atlantean heritage, and just like any Atlantean she’d suspected his appearance no doubt, betrayed his true age. 

Sighing, he’d looked up and down the coast as if searching for something before he shook his head and withdrew a blue crystal attached to his necklace.

“Oceans,” he grumbled and watched with disgust as the glowing waves crashed along the shorelines. “Why did it have to be oceans? Does she have any idea how terrifying these things are?!” He sighed, shaking his head before he took one deep breath after another, and carefully kneeled, maintaining some distance from the water before he bowed his head and placed a hand over his heart.

 “Oh patroness of arts, protector of the seas, the heart of the Kraieyek empire,” he paused, as the sound of the ocean filled her ears once more. A sound that was promptly broken by the string of curses that left his lips as he abruptly rose back to his feet before backing away.

She hadn’t seen it at first until he’d moved, just out of reach of an emerging stream of water flowing upwards towards the beach. Such motion should’ve been impossible she thought as the water began to slowly encircle itself, as smaller streams began to branch off, connect, and tangle into a pattern of sorts. 

No sooner had the pattern formed than a figure slowly rose from the ocean’s depths. A multitude of brightly glowing cyan-colored eyes broke the surface. Water cascaded over her shoulders as she slowly rose to the edge of the shore.

To call her full height frightening would’ve been an understatement, but seeing it now hadn’t made it hard to understand why her father had reacted the way he did to the star’s heights. 

The star that stood before the man couldn’t have been any shorter than seventeen feet, as he bowed to her once more. Yet even despite her height, she was beautiful. Her skin was a pleasant shade of blue perfectly decorated with cyan-colored tattoos that spanned from her collarbone to her forearms and cyan-colored fingertips. Her four irises were a piercing shade of blue that sharply contrasted the dark blue of her scleras and the near whiteness of her hair. 

“Vitrius,” she softly spoke. All of her eyes focused on him as water continued dripping from her white hair.

“Vitrius” Asha whispered. As in Tau Vitrius?! Her father’s mentor?! This is what Tau Vitrius looked like? She hadn’t expected him to somewhat resemble the Atlanteans so much given the disdain he’d shown for their dialect and its influence. 

Wait, but if Vitrius was her astronomer, then that star could only be —“Your Majesty…” he bowed, leaving Asha unsure whether she should have been more impressed by the star’s beauty or Vitrius’s fearlessness.

But…she had to admit, that save for the faded scars on her limbs and the weariness in her eyes, Deneb looked shockingly young. Maybe no older than seventeen or eighteen which was far too young to be a queen. 

“I apologize for the informal setting,” she started, swiftly stepping by him. “Had I known you’d arrived so quickly, I would’ve arranged for something a bit more formal….” Maybe Asha had been imagining things, but she could’ve sworn that Deneb’s accent sounded…familiar.

“You’ve heard the news haven’t you?” she spoke, breaking the silence once more as she turned to face him.

“Yes…I believe congratulations are in order for your ascension to the throne,” Vitreous replied as he crossed his arms behind his back. “Headmistress Karagash sends her regards.”

She darkly scowled, before stepping away with a scoff. “Of course…. I take it that your superiors were overjoyed at the announcement weren’t they?”

“Some were,” Vitrius confirmed with a small nod. “Barring the headmistress of course…but it seems as if most are cautiously optimistic in the council’s proposal…I know your feelings on the matter but there is no denying that your move is arguably as forward as it is backward. From the moment your sister abdicated, you were the only viable option to become Apsuramal.”

“You're too optimistic Vitrius,” she sighed, sounding more exasperated than anything else. “Ascension or not Vega’s banishment was not necessary nor will it do me any favors in the near future…”

“With all due respect my lady, sentiments aside, as high queen your power must be absolute and unquestionable. The situation that has brought us here is far from ideal, but even you must admit that banishing her will undoubtedly limit the options your opponents have to overthrow you, as that’s one less viable figurehead that they can use to challenge you.”

“And with all due respect astronomer,” she spoke. The ground silently yet somehow softly shook with every step she took. “Optimism aside, it was a rather well-planned self-inflicted blow. As it currently stands I am a rather unpopular Apsuramal, and the banishment of not only a superior healer but an initially more popular contender to the throne will certainly do me no favors in the eyes of my detestors or the ones who have yet to make up their minds on the matter.”

She turned her eyes towards the horizon as she placed her arms behind her, briefly allowing Asha a view of the small but luminescent cyan scales that littered her forearms almost in the patterns of constellations. “If I go through with the council’s proposal then everything my people and ancestors have worked and bled for, what my mother died for, all of it will have been for naught.”

“Not quite,” he interjected. “Pardon my optimism, but as bleak as the situation may be it has yet to become totally hopeless.”

“Why do you say that?” she asked, as she spared him a glance.

“You may not have been born destined to rule the throne, but it seems as if fate has proven otherwise. Call it an old astronomer’s superstition,” he shrugged as he walked towards her. “but my master’s always told me that things never happen without reason…maybe you cannot be the perfection that the court wants, but you can be their hope, and sometimes that’s all people, or maybe even beings  need.”

“Do you really think I could be the hope my people need even when my desires do nothing more than push us closer to the very same war we sought to end?”

“It’s possible… although it’s far too early to say for sure…but even if they do not accept you as much as you’d like they’ll always need you. You are their Apsuramal. Their lifeline. They are a part of you just as you are of them. So neither of you can exist without each other, even while you’re still figuring things out.”

She said nothing as the waves continued to roll against the shoreline. Somewhere from above the Leviathan’s calls faintly echoed, as Vitrius cleared his throat,  “You don’t have to believe me your Highness, but the worst thing you could do is to let your enemies know you have fallen apart. Not when they’re still looking for the opportunity to strike.”

“Yes,” she took in a deep breath as she nodded. Her posture straightened as she turned back towards the ocean. “For now there is still time…And with it, hopefully, opportunities as well…”

“Did the council grant your request for a second hearing?”  he murmured thoughtfully.

“They did. Of course, you know they were rather adamant about the marriage arrangement, regardless of whether or not I made any valid counterarguments. But thankfully the meeting proved to be quite useful in…other ways to say the least,” a ghost of a smile appeared on her face. “Mortal word isn’t the only one that spreads quickly.”

“Oh?” he raised an eyebrow at her words before turning to her. “Care to share what’s transpiring on your side of the galaxy?”

“My informant has confirmed rumors about a certain diplomat of the Myrkadius”  Deneb hummed before kneeling at the small patterned streams of water that promptly twisted itself into a small figure. “From what we gathered, her name is Alhena.”

“Alhena?” Vitrius repeated, looking somewhat surprised. “I didn’t know she was a diplomat…”

“She is…You’ve heard of her?”

Vitrius nodded. “She is a distant relative of the current Myrkadius I think. A remarkable singer as well. Maybe even too remarkable.”

“Hmm…” Deneb’s eyes narrowed as with a flick of her finger, the water figure immediately froze. “From what I hear she’s everything you’d expect in a silver star- ambitious, intelligent, manipulative, and whatnot, save for the one thing.”

“Oh?”

“She lacks significant physical power. It’s the only thing that’s keeping her from achieving a much higher status within her own court. But what she lacks in ambition, she certainly makes up for in charm and beauty…” Deneb laughed, muttering something in a strange language as red slowly began to seep into the small water figure before it shattered.

“Well, if he’s going to be like that, you might as well take a lover too,” Vitrius replied without hesitation as she cast him an ever-so-questioning glance. “What?” he shrugged as Asha nearly choked in disbelief. “I said what I said.”

Asha could tell from the way Deneb simply stared in an almost apprehensive way that she was used to Vitrius’s strange advice, as she continued, “Affair aside, I received word that Vega has accepted the sanctuary the Myrkadius offered her upon her abdication and banishment…”

“Sanctuary? So…that means…”

“Yes,” Deneb sighed and closed her eyes. “We finally know who she was with all those nights she’d been absent. She was probably the informant for the spies the silver court had sent to examine our border territories.”

“That’s… treason, isn’t it?” Vitrius asked as she nodded and he grimaced. “Goodness. There’s never a peaceful moment amongst your kind, is there?”

“You are one to talk,” Deneb frowned. “Exactly how many wars has your species started over trivial matters?”

“This isn’t about us,” Vitrius retorted as Asha quietly conceded Deneb’s point. “Drama aside, have you received any more intel from that other source? Perhaps they might know something given how they were the ones who’d been rather quick to inform you of the Myrkadius’s infiltration attempts!”

“No,” she shook her head. “Lately…They’ve been strangely silent…”

“Were you ever able to figure out who the source of that intel was?”

“Not yet. I’ve combed through all the spy networks in every corner of the universe, but it seems as if whoever it was spared no expense to ensure they wouldn’t be discovered…a calculated action no doubt, but if my suspicions are correct, I believe it originated from a different court.”

“There’s only one other court that would bother concerning themselves with the affair of the silver ones…” Vitrius added. “Perhaps you should look into allying with them.”

“That might not be possible,” she scowled. “The Solaris, no matter how friendly he may appear to be has always been rather adamant on staying away from us. Whether it be because of his friendship with the Nocturnes, or his partial ownership of the Terracotta court, my mother was never able to get anywhere when it came to attempting to secure an alliance between our courts.”

“But that should be changing rather soon,” Vitrius spoke with a small note of hope in his voice. “I overheard that the Solaris had personally requested that none of the astronomers attend the Sentenga Solstice this time.”

“I take it most of you weren’t pleased with that,” her eyes glowing rather smugly as Vitrius scowled. 

“Why would we be?” 

She chuckled. “Well if it’s of any consolation to you, I’ve heard the reasoning behind said the decision was on behalf of the Myrkadies and the Nocturnus, who by all means plan to be in attendance when the heir to the court is formally announced.”

“The Nocturnus and Myrkadius are attending?! I thought the Myrkadius and the Solaris despised each other!”

“Shocking isn’t it?” Deneb smiled, evidently amused. “But he’s done so under the notion of promising peace talks and alliances. All too coincidental, but I suppose from the view of the Solaris…if he were to establish a new level of tolerance between the two it would undoubtedly strengthen the council’s faith and favor towards him, which is exactly what he would need given both the Nocturnus’s growing influence and the legacy he is leaving behind for his heir.”

“Agreed, but…did he have to do that by excluding us?!” Vitrius huffed. “We’ve been working on facilitating their relations for millennials!”

“So it seems…” Deneb calmly replied. “He was after all strangely absent from the council meetings today….Any idea on who the chosen heir will be?”

“I’ve heard inklings of theories from my colleagues… most seem to be torn between Tomiolin and Rigil Kentaurus… Tomiolin is said to be rather studious and disciplined, whereas Kentaurus is said to be a bit more…unfocused, but even then most can’t deny that his charisma, sheer power, and superior skills as a healer and warrior almost make him the perfect candidate.”

Deneb’s lip curled, as she scoffed, before asking, “And what of Proxima? Does anyone believe in his chances?”

“He was…considered…but they didn’t really want to entertain the thought as much…apparently he’s a bit of an odd one…”

“Indeed,” she nodded as she stood. “He is more crimson than anything else.”

“Proxima is half crimson?” he raised a brow towards her.

“Yes.”

“How do you know that?”

“His eyes…” she whispered as her darkened claws grazed the side of her face. 

“Are they the same as the crimson royal family?” She nodded, as her expression hardened and her eyes narrowed. “I see…But if your mother was interested in pursuing an alliance of sorts, did she ever formally introduce you to the three princes?”

“Yes.”

“Well…” Vitrius began. “Would you…ever entertain the idea of a possible alliance with one of them?”

“No.”

“No?” he took a step back and looked her over. “And why not!?”

“For as admirably disciplined and focused as he is, Tomiolin lacks any meaningful warrior prowess. Proxima is of crimson blood, and Kentaurus is…Kentaurus.”

“Meaning?”

“He is kind. Too kind, to be effective when in a leading role. Therefore he is not in the least bit desirable.”

“Well then, we are fortunate that you seek to make him an ally and not your husband!” Vitrius smiled as her gaze darkened. He must’ve seen the displeased look on her face as he cleared his throat before promptly adding. “I merely speak facts, Arided. You don’t have to like your allies. But if you can tolerate each other more than any third party, then I think your alliance is safe.”

“But even then, you forget just how crucial ownership of the Terracotta court is for both parties. They’ve been taking care of that minor court for eons, no doubt with the plan of utilizing it to its fullest potential if something were to say unfortunately but not unexpectedly happen to another major court.”

Vitrius eyes widened before he firmly shook his head. “They couldn’t replace your people-,” 

“You’d be surprised,” Deneb casually answered. “But if they are in on it, then that limits my potential for any strong alliance…which brings me back to where I am now…The cerulean court’s best healer now resides in the heart of any enemy’s empire, who strongly supports the crimson court, which very few would think of standing against.” She glanced over her shoulder at Vitrius. “And even though I exposed Vega’s treason it has done little to sway my court’s opinion towards me…if anything it’s only soured their opinion on the family as a whole…so if I am not careful I may end up exhausting all of my options. And what then? Would this higher power that you think put me on the throne save me then? Or would it be to abandon me to the hands of my enemies?” she asked, as her grip on her forearm tightened.

“I…I do not know, my queen. I wish I did…”

“I know…I only wish…wait”  her voice lowered as thunder rippled through the air once more, as both astronomer and star’s eyes turned to the sky.

Silence filled the air momentarily before the sound of thunder emerged once more, its pitch and volume heightening as it turned into a roar.

“Did you feel that?” she whispered.

“Feel what?!,” Vitreous retorted as he fearfully eyed the roaring waves>

“What’s happening?!” Asha shrieked, covering her ears as she turned to face Cepheus.

“Your Highness!” called one of the guards as several soldiers rushed to the shoreline. A few pointed their spears to the air, as several surrounded the queen. 

“A powerful presence has been detected approaching the planet!”

“This way your Highness! You must be prepared to evacuate if needed!” one of the guards called, as another roar pierced the air, this time accompanied by a bright beam of golden light as the clouds tore open revealing something that was headed straight towards the ocean.

In a heartbeat the queen was gone, sharply yelling commands as she headed towards the ocean where the object had disappeared. 

“Arided!” Vitrius screamed as he ran after her. “Arided come back!”

His words were lost to the wind as three pairs of blue wings emerged from her back. She was a mere blur as she swiftly dove into the dark depths below.

And then everything was still.

[drbased]

Seeing people with this attitude is genuinely fascinating to me. I wrote a post a while back talking about the dangers of talking about 'bigots' as if they're uniquely maladjusted, and I think this is a good example of that. Like, I can't think of anything more normal than referring to people by their observed sex. That is, after all, what we invented the words 'man' and 'woman' for. These people want to have their cake and eat it too: they want 'accepting someone's gender' to be the normal person thing, but also for transphobia to be a widespread bigotry under a powerful cisheteropatriarchy.

I've noticed this as a problem with a lot of people on the left: despite the supposed desire for class analysis, where we acknowledge that people in positions of privilege have a motivation to preserve said privilege, the more liberal-leaning people like to believe in a world where everyone is just bumbling along and simply misinformed: they believe that the average person wants to be good, and so these 'normal people', despite whatever privileges they have, will always choose kindness over preserving said privilege, and simply need to unlearn implicit biases. So then we have a large group of people who pay lip service to the concepts of class analysis, privilege and oppression, but when it comes down it still cannot conceptalise people outside the boxes of 'good' and 'bad' - and the 'good' people are always the normal, healthy, well-adjusted ones, struggling against a system that has been corrupted by those evil bigoted goblins who infect others with their hate speech. It's this childish and incredibly palatable idea that sticks around because it means that all you have to do is play the part, and hang around with other people who seem to play the part, and then you get to be one of the 'good' ones.

This is why transgenderism has been so useful in easing political anxieties - it's the fastest and most concrete way you can signal to others and yourself that you're one of the good ones. Sure, you can accept gay people, you can drink your 'respect women' juice. But there's a unique statement being made every time someone says 'trans women are women'; a unique 'fuck you' to some imagined status quo - that, in its irony, is so easy to do precisely because it's not really a fuck you to said status quo, or at least not in the way these people want. Instead it's a necessary signal that they're willing to do the extreme mental gymnastics needed in order to play the part - and said part is of feeling normal, feeling well adjusted, feeling safe.

This argument keeps getting used time and time again against radfems - that we're chronically online, that we have brainrot, that we're 'obsessed' with trans people. And it's so patently false that it's absurd. But absurdity is built into this whole thing.

[soft-pine]

spn20rewatch: the thing about supernatural season 1 episode 13 route 666 is that cassie robinson is the most beautiful woman i have ever seen.

she is also a truly phenomenal, compelling, dynamic character and it sucks she's only in one episode!

but what an episode it is. i think similarly to bugs, route 666 gets a lot of hate. and, again, i'm not going to defend it against people who do experience it negatively. but the way route 666 simply lays out the truth of the racial violence black people experience is pretty straightforward and uncompromising. it's important the way it just says: white people controlled the town, the police, the paper, the violence, the courts. and that's so bad. it's important the way it reaffirms so so many times that none of that was very long ago at all. it's important the why it says that that violence and injustice was so extreme that it haunts and stalks the present and still has the power to kill.

i hope i'm saying this in a way that makes sense. but i love the way both bugs and route 666 clearly name historical injustices and thematically show how the ramifications of that injustice and violence are still deeply present today. supernatural doesn't often handle politicized things head on and it is kind of fascinating to me that the two episodes with some of strongest politics happen in season 1.

i have a few other stray thoughts about this episode... 1. as a tractor operator it kills me that that little kubota is able to pull a water-logged truck out of a lake with its tires that deep in mud (i can't actually make out the model of the tractor (just the loader arm attachment) but, affectionately, no way).

2. it is always so special to me that dean's first on-screen romance is with his long-term ex. commitment boy i love you.

3. "i'm still really involved with my dad's work." spams the spiral-eyes emoji

4. i love that dean told cassie the truth about his life and hunting. i love that he didn't want to lie to her! it's kinda crazy that sam yells at him for it because sam never told jess. like dude no one was stopping you?

5. why did they make the racist truck look so much like john's gmc? like okay i know this is kinda a stretch (there's lots of kinds of big black trucks) maybe but it always reminds me of the grand sierra...

6. okay again we see dean just decide to play the role of bait to give sam time to work out a plan. but the plan sam works out is for dean to play even riskier bait (without communicating that!!). dean's shocked, pitched-up voice and stressed-out slamming his hands on the steering wheel, ough oof ow owie yeoch.

[theheirofthesharingan]

What do you think Sasuke did wrong. I'm curious. I'm not a hater I'm just fascinated by fandom in a neutral way. I enjoy the meta and the story as a whole, though there does seem to be a sharp divide between S vs I stans on their respective faults, sins, and where they should be defended. I also don't want to invite any hate to your inbox by S stans so there's no pressure to reply to this.

This post encapsulates what I have to say very well.

When I talk about Sasuke doing some things wrong, it's not in an accusatory and aggressive way, but the mere admission of those being the truth, whereas most of his fans don't want to admit this. And if they do, they will blame Itachi or some other characters, despite it all being a string of trauma and pain going on from one person to another.

Sasuke is a child who didn't have anything in his control from the beginning. He always felt powerless and whenever he tried to get better, whatever goal he had, proved way too gigantic. These feelings of hopelessness and inferiority resulted in him doing things he otherwise would not have done.

He hates killing people. But he didn't mind doing so after he learned Itachi's truth. Most of his fans defend it saying "But didn't actually do it", which is true, but he had completely intended to do it, including killing people who were neither responsible for his sufferings nor knew anything about what happened to the clan and Itachi. Why should they be subjected to death and violence they didn't even know about? Sasuke stops and changes his mind after meeting Itachi. Itachi was the only one who could change his mind.

Him attacking Land of Iron is one of those things that is almost never discussed. Yes, everyone over there was a rabid violent monster equivalent of a person, but it was still a politically neutral land, and had it not been for Obito declaring war upon the Five Nations, nobody knows how Sasuke's invasion would have been seen by the others.

He promised Juugo "to be his cage", but after attacking the Kage Sunmit, he deserts him, takes only Karin away because she would be useful for him. And then he stabs Karin. Most of his fans (myself included) prefer Team Taka to Team 7. But they never talk about how Sasuke uses them and then throws them away, without so much as apologizing to them. When Sakura shows up, and Sasuke knew she was a medic ninja, he asks her to kill Karin, instead of trying to help her with her pain. His fans keep saying "he's so kind, he forgave Itachi even if Itachi didn't deserve it", but then don't want to comment how he doesn't extend this kindness to anyone else.

I don't blame him for wanting to hurt Naruto, because Naruto himself didn't know when to understand and let Sasuke go. However, Naruto was rightly concerned about his well-being because Sasuke was going to Orochimaru, the most powerful villain we'd seen so far. The second time, though, Sasuke fully intended to kill him. Naruto may or may not be stronger than him, because a lot of it is their ideological battle in which Kishimoto tries to paint Sasuke as "wrong" and Naruto as "right." However, Sasuke's solution is still more violence and hate, killing his best friend to achieve that. It's completely wrong.

Most of what Sasuke does gets no attention, apart from what his haters do, who hate him for "being rude" and "being stupid", and some people just might not like that kind of personality, because Sasuke can be rude to people even if he doesn't have to. The reason his wrong-doings aren't acknowledged as much is because there are zero consequences of those actions.

He tries to kill Naruto? Naruto is never hurt/damaged enough for it to become his entire personality.

He deserts Team Taka? Again, they unite with him and there are no more talks about it. They aren't even angry.

Tries to kill Karin? She keeps on worshiping the ground he walks, instead of being upset with him one bit.

Tries to rule the world? It doesn't matter. In the anime there is that scene he's put in the jail, but nothing of that sort happens in manga.

He suffers a lot for the things that aren't his fault. And when he is wrong, those are never acknowledged.

Now, I don't blame him for being wrong, because it's all being done under immense emotional and mental burden. And he doesn't really need to be condemned for those things. When he attacks the Kage summit, he's doing so after losing Itachi, and that pain and anger has blinded him. His mental health only keeps getting worse afterwards. So, the things he does are unquestionably wrong, but they have solid explanations. That is, 'Yes, he was wrong, but I can explain his reasoning behind those things.' But many of his fans will keep yelling "Sasuke did nothing wrong", and in the process they blame other characters.

To them, Sasuke's trauma is responsible for what he does, but Itachi doesn't get that pass. Kakashi should have 100% supported him when he said he needed to train in order to kill Itachi, and Kakashi denying to do it, because he was speaking from his own experiences, makes him bad.

They'll tell you Sasuke was shaped by his trauma, which is the truth, but then want to pretend that others aren't.

Also, yes, there is a divide between their fans. But I've never Itachi fans being aggressive towards others. Being defensive of him, yes, but hateful and aggressive, no. At least not to the degree it's become a norm.

Don't worry about the hate. I have blocked some of his fans who used to frequent my blog. I think I'll be blocking others too. I am a fan too, but I love both him and Itachi with their flaws and despite them.

[voiice-of-the-soul]

finally sharing my own personal headcanons for medic. keep in mind this is just my own interpretation of him.

-the story about him yoinking a guy's skeleton is one of the many he tells when someone asks him why he lost his license. he changes it up to a different one every single time and no one really knows which one is true.

-he is an excellent storyteller. he's good with words, has an endless array of things he could speak about and the obvious one, he loves to talk. though most of the stories are pretty morbid and his dark humour does not appeal to most people.

-he has other qualifications besides medicine and science. there was a brief period of time when he worked as a mortician and would harvest the organs of corpses for experiments. shockingly enough, he's also a licensed psychiatrist. nobody believes him though.

-i feel like he would be a good artist. he does very detailed anatomy studies but he also has many little sketches of his doves. it calms his nerves when he gets manic.

-i also think he'd be a big fan of junji ito's work. they have a similiar jovial and goofy nature while simultaneously creating the most horrifying shit.

-he and spy go way back before either of them were hired by mann co. they both fought in wwll as members of a resistance group, which medic joined after fleeing from germany.

-he has low affective empathy but pretty good cognitive empathy. he often words things wrong when attempting to comfort someone but if you brought it to his attention, he'd be like "oh, i never thought of it that way! i apologize!"

-he is generally polite to people as long as they don't undermine him or his work. treat him with respect and he'll extend the same courtesy to you. that being said, he is absolutely not a pushover, as we've seen multiple times. he knows his worth and when someone steps on his tail like cheavy did, he will retaliate tenfold.

-alot of people say he hates children which i do not agree with at all. i think he has a soft spot for them and he secretly always wanted to be a father. his paternal side occassionally comes out when he's interacting with his birds. if he ever had a kid of his own, he would pamper them and carry them around in his arms everywhere.

-another unpopular opinion but i think he is more understanding than people give him credit for. he would try to reassure someone if they were scared to undergo surgery for whatever reason and make jokes in an attempt to ease the tension. he's not always particularly successful at it but it's the thought that counts.

-he is very passionate and feels all of his emotions strongly with little to no inbetween. it's either extreme love or extreme spite.

-he is quite observant and endlessly fascinated by human behaviour. he enjoys interacting with people so he gets to dissect (often quite literally) and pick their brains. though his observations come across as very clinical which unnerves most people.

-i think he is more gentle with women than he is with men. i mean, just look at how he talks to miss pauling.

-he plays up his evilness so people will think he's just a one track mind lunatic. he enjoys catching people by surprise when he gets serious.

-while i personally don't think he would outright hate any animal, i think he gets nervous if a cat is in the vicinity of his birds.

[thewormformerlyknownasletojrjr]

Sometimes self care is rewatching Dune (2021) and going on and on about ‘the symbolism of this or that’ or how ‘something here is a nod to the sequels’ or ‘look how the casting characterizes the house atreides’ or ‘the music here is phenomenal, it foreshadows gurney’s fate later on’ or ‘I think the difference in the vocalizing in the soundtrack here is deliberate’ until whoever you’re watching it with is ready to commit murder to shut you up.

But it’s just so phenomenal that you can watch it and catch new things each time, the visual and auditory storytelling in the background gives you so much! All these little things that go unnoticed until you see and want to jump out of your seat at them, let’s talk about that.

Let’s talk about how Jessica is always hooded when her scenes are associated with her Bene Gesserit powers and upbringing, how you can literally watch her out her hood down or up mid scene as she transitions from mother and concubine to an obedient disciple, how it foreshadows her struggle in the books all the way through Children of Dune.

Let’s talk about how well done the foreshadowing of the jihad is, how even this early on we can see the start of what is integral to Paul’s conflict in Messiah, how that feeling of helplessness about a destiny he doesn’t want will keep him frozen and unable to stop what’s in motion, how Messiah is such an incredible book because it ties into the dystopian trope wherein revolutionaries become like those they once revolted against, but how it’s so much more fascinating than some of the ways we see it in modern dystopias, because it’s the main characters who are following the pattern, not just watching in horror as those they fought with change for the worse, but actually experiencing it, horrified at what they’ve done and what they will continue to do, frozen and so unable or unwilling to do what needs to be done to stop it, how the movie is still in the stage where they are noble and valiant, but it makes sure to show the dread of what it coming, how it does such a good job of showing the burden of foresight that is so integral to Dune, the way that even as they see the future and can attempt to change it, they know that no matter their decisions, horrible things will come, how it shows Paul as scared hating the power he was given and blaming his mother and her aspirations, how the atreides family never wanted to be great, they wanted to be good, how Paul is coming to see that great and good cannot always coexist, how you look at this boy and you can genuinely see how he will become the man saying ‘Believers, all of them’ how Dune is such a hard story to get right because you watch someone devolve and stand by why horrible things are done without seeing him as a terrible person from the start, without the boy and the man seeming irreconcilable from one another, how the movie actually is on the right track even though the end result is unpalatable to the majority of society, how they are showing the white savior trope in a way that is thus far complaint with how it is deconstructed later on, how they have the epic notes of the beginning without going in a direction that makes the ending impossible.

Let’s talk about how they cast the Atreides family as beautiful people, but not soft, not tamed to modern standards, aristocratic in their looks in such a way that you believe they have been nobility for centuries, maybe millennia, slightly untouchable, dangerous, like those in power during the Italian Renaissance, how Paul looks young but also ethereal and formal, the balance between boy and duke and messiah in his appearance, how Leto’s hair and beard make him not only regal but worn by politics, cold and formal yet fatherly all at once, how Jessica’s ghostly pale complexion nods to her Harkonnen ancestry in the books and how she is beautiful in a way that seems not entirely human, how the other members of the Atreides house are each unique and full of character, not designed to fit a palette or aesthetic, whereas the Harkonnens have an eerie similarity that shows how little they value free will, how the Harkonnens are not dramatized to emphasize their characterization but rather understated, devoid of emotion save for rare explosive moments, how they echoed this in their design, making them blank slates, taking away rather than adding, leaving them almost human, but not quite, enough to trigger that ancient animal instinct in a person that says ‘something is wrong here, something is dangerous’ rather than making them fit in with the conventions of a time period or trend as to how to look evil.

Let’s talk about the soundtrack, how the epic music playing when House Atreides lands on Arrakis is echoed as Gurney and his men charge at the Harkonnens who so greatly outnumber them, how this not only ties you emotionally to the battle, hearing this dying cry of the Atreides, more so than the music continuing to be dark and foreboding through it all, but also how it foreshadows the survival of Gurney and the small group of men with him, living to reunite with Paul later on.

Let’s talk about how throughout the soundtrack we have women vocalizing, the emphasis on the power of the Bene Gesserit and how in Leto’s death scene we diverge from this trend, how he was so powerless against all these grand plans but he still took a stand, still ended things on his own terms.

Let’s talk about how Jessica doesn’t answer when Leto asks her to protect Paul as a Bene Gesserit. Let’s talk about the bull and the matador, the symbolism there. Let’s talk about the emphasis on medieval and renaissance headdresses on the Bene Gesserit, the significance of choosing attire from a time when the Catholic Church was in the peak of its power. Let’s talk about the nods to Gurney’s music. Just, look at all this stuff in the movie that you barely even notice, the first time. All the planning that went into it, how to fit in all these little nods, how to stay true to who the characters are in the present while also beginning to show who they will become. Let’s talk about it.

Though maybe not to the people I was watching the movie with. I don’t actually have a death wish.

[nodulemodule]

I made more fankids…

And a rival and best friend for Artie…

More info under the cut

Y’all already know my Shadamy kids but Sunny is now a former G.U.N. agent. She quit. The reason why is a mystery.

We got some Knuxouge kids! Mirage, Warden, and Prickle. Mirage was meant to become the next guardian of the master emerald, but ended up passing it down to her little brother Warden who wanted it way more than her and became an actual G.U.N. agent like her mother. She takes after her mother in that way. She’s ultra tall and Warden is mad cause she was already taller than him at one year younger. Also she’s trans. Good for her. Warden is the “serious” one who is really dedicated to being the next guardian. He’s got the braincell of the three and is a short king. Prickle hates everyone and likes to be alone in nature. Despite Warden being the next guardian, Prickle is the most in tune with the emerald and angel island in general and often communicates with Tikal’s spirit. But nobody else can see, so for example, Rouge sees him talk to himself and is like “who tf is he talking to”

Tailsream kids! Lars, Specs, and Posy. L.A.R.S. stands for Laboratory Assistive Remedial Software. He is an ai that Tails made shortly before Specs was born to help him in the lab that turned out to be sentient. After specs was born, Lars dedicated himself to protecting her and being the perfect big brother. So Tails was like “Welp, I guess I have two children now.” and adopted him. They say he’s “15” just because that’s how he looks and acts. Specs is best girl. She’s very safety-minded and polite and she carries around a seemingly bottomless backpack full of anything you could ever possibly need. She’s called Specs after her glasses but also for how she would help Tails in his workshop and list of software “specs” for him. Posy is a little monster who revels in creating chaos, but she’s cute so she gets away with it. Also, she likes to drag Prickle around to act as her Guinea pig and he lets her because he’s too nice to say no.

The Silvaze Twins! They both live with their mother in the palace since they never know when the future will go to shit again, and Silver is usually there with them acting as Royal consort. Ember was born a few minutes before her brother, making her heir to the throne, which both are 100% fine with. Ember strives to be the best heir possible and takes her job very seriously. She loves to study and also practices fencing as neither she nor her brother inherited their parents psychic or pyrokinetic abilities. Her brother, Cinder, on the other hand, hates being in the palace and prefers to goof off most of the time. He’ll often try to cause trouble around the castle, which Ember will usually try to stop, except when he occasionally convinces her to join in. While Ember enjoys more classical studies, Cinder is fascinated by dimensional science and time travel and longs to explore all the countless dimensions out there.

Finally, some neighborhood kids. While Sunny’s main group is Mirage and Ember, Artie has these two weirdos. There’s his best friend Peppy, a reckless, energetic mouse who loves going on misadventures around town but is often betrayed by her own clumsiness. She and Artie are constantly arguing over who is the other’s sidekick and often have to save each other’s butts, but one thing’s for sure is these two idiots are inseparable. Spot, on the other hand, is the local delinquent and Artie’s official rival. Why? Idk, it doesn’t really matter. After all “all heroes have a rival” although this rivalry is often forgotten in favor of teaming up to get the job done or just to hang out. However, they still definitely hate each other and don’t like each other at all. They totally don’t enjoy the bantering or have a crush on the other at all. Pure rivals

Also, Sonic doesn’t have kids, he’s just the cool pseudo-uncle who visits a lot and babysits. And they all definitely have big family get-togethers and family dinners all the time. Because found family is the most important family of all. Anyway, thanks for reading imma go nap.