#I hate it so much when it flops too but I have to remind myself I do art for me

[byakuyasdarling]

Why does my art take forever

[blackgirlsloveburrow]

NSFW 18+

this is kind of a part two to my joe burrow x uc student!reader fic. you can read it here:

joe and you have been secretly hanging out for a good few months now, and no one has caught on. after that crazy night, you did call him, and he was very adamant about seeing you all of the time.

“joe i can’t come to your house i have homework to do. philosophy is kicking my butt right now,” you sighed.

“baby you can just do it here, i’ll pick you up myself,” he begged.

you laughed. “there’s no way you are bringing that expensive ass car around this run down neighborhood. also you know you’re gonna try to distract me from doing homework the whole time i’m there,” you replied.

“okay you win. but i wanna see you tonight for sure,” he said trying to compromise.

“i was gonna pick up a shift at work later. im trying to save up to buy some new headphones”.

“fuck work. i’ll literally buy you anything you want,” he said aggravated.

“ugh joe you know how i feel about th-“

he cut you off. “i’m picking you up now, and don’t worry i’ll bring one of my more inconspicuous cars. i’ll see you in a bit!”.

he hung up. you flopped in your pillow and groaned. your life has totally changed with him in it. you’re both grateful, but slightly peeved about his generosity towards you. i mean you’re not a person who is used to being spoiled by others. he’s always buying you nice things way out of the price range for a college student.

how do you explain to your friends you have multiple telfar tote bags all of a sudden? lululemon sets? etcetera.

you’re also basically always at his house. his cook makes meals for you, his driver takes you to class, things you would have never imagined for yourself.

let’s not get started on the college life of it all. he doesn’t like you going to frats because he hates all college guys (you can’t say you blame him), every time you mention going to a uc football game he’ll buy you guys box seats to go, and your friends are practically begging you to show your “sneaky link”. it’s very exhausting sometimes.

you definitely are in love with him though.

he’s so sweet and protective of you. he makes sures you’re always eating and not stressing about school. he’s even introduced you to his family and teammates after his games which makes you think maybe you could call him your boyf-

there’s a knock on the door.

you go answer it. it’s joe. all in his 6’4 glory.

“hey,” he smiles. bending down to kiss you.

“hi,” you blush.

“are you ready to go?” he asks.

“yeah let me just pack my book bag and some clothes”.

“you have clothes at the house,” he reminds you.

“oh well i get nervous wearing those. they’re just so nice i don’t want to stand out too much,” you laugh awkwardly.

“well you gotta get used to standing out if you’re with me,” he replied.

“well no one really knows about us,” you say walking to your room. he shuts the front door and follows you.

“well. i want more people to know because…,” he trails off.

“because?” you echo him.

“because i want you to officially be my girlfriend”.

you started at him silently.

“i was going to take you to dinner and properly ask but i couldn’t wait,” he said rubbing the back of his head.

in response you stand on the tips of your toes, wrap you arms around his neck, and pull him into a deep and passionate kiss. he reciprocates it, putting his hands on your sides.

when you guys finished, you responded.

“yes. i’ll be your girlfriend,” you say smiling widely.

he picks you up and spins you around, smiling too.

"alright get your stuff together and change so i can go feed you,” he says.

fast forward a little later in the night, you guys are at a really nice restaurant. you just finished your food and had a couple of drinks, and decided to sit on the same side of the booth as joe. he has his hand on your thigh feeling the material of your dress. you’re kissing his jaw and face.

“let’s go to the car baby,” he says. both amused by your affection and a little hard. he gets the check and leads you to the parking garage.

he pushes you up against his car and starts making out with you. his hands gripping your hips as he rubs his bulge against you.

“you have no idea what you do to me,” he breathes.

before you guys can go any farther he opens the car door for you. you get in and he gets in on his side. he speeds home, breaking a few traffic laws on the way.

you guys make it to the bedroom. he takes off your dress and undergarments. you take off his dress shirt and slide off his underwear and pants.

he’s standing and you get down on your knees in front of him.

you start jerking him off while sucking his tip. he throws his head back in pleasure.

“fuck you suck daddy’s dick so well baby,” he moans. he puts his hand on the back of your head and you start to go deeper, feeling him in the back of your throat.

he pulls you off of him after a while, looking at your watery eyes and saliva around your mouth. he makes you stand up. his hands go down to mess with your aching pussy.

“you’re sopping wet and i haven’t even done anything yet,” he says. you whine, embarrassed.

he continues. “daddy’s gonna fuck you so good baby”.

he backs you into the wall and picks you up by your thighs. you can feel his breath on your face as he lines his tip with your pussy. he pulls your body down on him in one swift motion. he instantly bottoms out in you. you moan loudly.

he starts picking up the pace. basically pulling your body down onto his girth. he’s so big.

then, with your legs around him, he carries your body and puts your back onto the bed, barely having a second before he starts thrusting into you again.

he’s hitting your g-spot so aggressively you start getting ready to unfold. the bed is shaking.

“i-i’m gonna cum. i’m gonna cum joey” you moan.

he starts to go faster, chasing his own high. you come undone, and he starts to get close too.

“i’m gonna cum in you baby fuck,” he grabs your throat and kisses your mouth as pumps his load deep inside of you.

as soon as you guys calm down he pulls out of you. you’re tired afterwards. he gets you one of his shirts to throw on and you guys cuddle in bed. he turns on the tv only to be met with a picture on the news of you guys kissing in the parking garage.

people sure are quick.

you guys just look at eachother and sigh. he kisses your forehead. you guys will just have to figure it out tomorrow.

[poetlus]

A SWEET REMINDER — Kuroo T. x Reader

SYNOPSIS: Timeskip!Kuroo has now become an official coach for Nekoma and is starting to get too into his new job. After long days and a loss of appetite, you realize somethings wrong with your boyfriend. He’s overworked. You finally start getting stern with him and demand he take care of himself.

WORD COUNT: 0.6k

A/N: Thank u to the nonny who requested this!! It’s super short and I’m not very proud of it, but I hope it feeds you guys!

Ever since becoming an official volleyball coach, Tetsuro hasn’t been taking care of himself as well as he should. You hated seeing him in this fatigued state, but you loved taking care of him and getting to be there for him at the end of every long day. It’s routine to have dinner prepared for your boyfriend once he got home, and you waited like a puppy for the door lock to click and see the man you loved so much come through the door.

“Hi my baby,” You said softly as you hugged him, burying your nose in his collarbone. He chuckled and hugged you back, arms around your waist like a protective cape.

You grabbed his bag from him and guided him to the couch. He sat down with a heavy sigh and kicked his feet up. You brought dinner to him and he thanked you gratefully. You watched him eat, although it was very slow. By the time he said he was finished, he hadn’t even eaten half of his plate.

“What’s wrong, Tetsu?” You asked him, motioning to his plate. “Is it not good?” He smiled warmly and innocently at you.

“No, it’s good babe. I promise. I’m just not very hungry tonight.” You nodded in understanding and scraped his plate as he trudged off to your room.

It had been about ten minutes and the house was silent, you wondered what your boyfriend was doing. You scurried to your room, about to say something, when you realized Kuroo was fast asleep, quietly snoring. He hadn’t taken off his day clothes.

Nights like these continued for a few weeks. You knew you had to say something, say that this wasn’t normal, but was it really your place to speak? What if he got mad at you? You quickly got rid of your doubts and decided that today was the day: you were going to put Kuroo in his place. His soft, comfortable, caring place.

When he got home, he flopped onto the couch. You hadn’t said anything yet. Just as he was about to fall asleep, you walked over to him.

“Kuroo, we need to talk.” His eyes shot open and he sat up.

“About what? Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?” He flooded the quiet room with worried questions.

“No.. well— yeah… kinda?” You were completely unsure of what to say or do.

“Tell me, babe. What’s goin’ on?” You sighed, bracing yourself.

“I’m super worried, Tetsu. About you. You haven’t been eating or socializing with anyone but your players, you’re coming home late, you’re sleeping a bunch… It’s like… you seem exhausted. Are you exhausted?” Kuroo had a puzzled look on his face.

“Am I exhausted?” He repeated your question. “Well.. I mean, kinda. But I’m okay, really! It’s no big deal. I’ll be fine.” You shook your head, confusing the man even more.

“I think you’re overworking yourself, Tetsu.” He smiled and placed a hand on your knee.

“Don’t worry about me, okay? I’ll be alright.” Again, you shook your head.

“No, no no no. We’re not doing this. I know you’re overworking yourself. You need to stop before you get overly stressed.” Kuroo was surprised at your dominance.

“I mean… I guess I have just a tiny bit.. I can try to st—���

“Not try, you will.” You interrupted him. He chuckled.

“Okay my love, I will stop overworking myself. I didn’t realize I had, but you’re right; I am. I’m sorry for worrying you.”

“That’s my boy,” You grinned as you brought him into a hug. He layed back on the couch, pulling you on top of him.

[live-laugh-lenney]

Could we maybe have a part two of this > https://www.tumblr.com/live-laugh-lenney/753590143297912832/id-honestly-love-a-little-something-where-like-yn

Fuzzy confessions and stuff perhaps?

| part one |

months had passed.

and arthur hated how he never acted on what had happened; he wanted to speak to the boys as soon as it happened, as soon as he had them away from yn so he could get their help on what he needed to do, but he chose to keep quiet. he chose to keep what happened a secret between himself and yn... which yn understood.

a change in the dynamic of their friendship group was something she didn't want to happen and she didn't want george nor chris nor arthur hill to view her differently because she'd drunkenly slept with arthur... with no regrets on either side... definitely not.

but he couldn't stand not being able to call her his.

hearing stories about how she'd gone on different dates with men that she had been set up with through becky or shannon because they were fed up with her moping around and being unhappy. deep down, she wanted arthur and not the strangers she was being set up with... but she wasn't going to force any feelings if he didn't truly feel sparks.

how wrong she was.

"this guy just straight up belched in my face and never apologised for it. he drank half the bottle of prosecco before i'd even finished my first glass, he mansplained everything he spoke about, never asked me about myself or my interests or anything and," she huffs as she fell to the sofa behind her, completely flopping down into the empty space beside george, kicking her feet up on his lap, "he was so rude to the waiting staff who were looking after us, too."

"looked like a prick when he came to pick you up so," george shrugs his shoulders, "where did you meet this one?"

"hinge, surprisingly. thought i'd give it a go after you said about it," a scoff left george's mouth and she rolls her eyes, his fingers undoing the heels buckled around her ankles and pulling them from her feet, "i thought he was going to be really nice. maybe i should just stay single? maybe, just maybe, i'm not cut out for a relationship."

"that's rubbish and you know it," george tuts at her and she pouts her lips, "maybe we should double date? i can scope your dates out and you can do the same for me. we can be each others' wingman."

a door opening catches yn offguard and she looks in the direction of where the sound of the creaking hinge came from, making eye contact with arthur as he steps foot out of the bathroom, a soft smile on his lips.

"you don't look like someone who's just had a good date," he says cautiously, walking into the living room and taking a seat in the seat he'd been sat in previously, "what happened this time?"

"terrible table manners, a major narcissist and rude to those around him," yn grumbles and sits up, folding her arms across her chest as she let her eyes wander to the television, "i wasted so much of my time picking out this outfit, buying new shoes, doing my make-up and making my hair look nice. someone really has it out for me at the moment, i swear."

arthur gives her a sympathetic smile before he diverts his attention to his phone.

all he could think about was how she'd never be treated so badly if he just said something, if he put his fears and worries aside, and finally acted on the feelings he was feeling deep inside.

because he found himself thinking back to that one night they shared together on holiday. when he woke up with her beside him, with their clothes in heaps around the room so there was no point in lying to one another about what had happened, with a feeling of happiness that it had happened. a memory that he found hard to shake off. and everytime he was reminded of that night, he found himself falling a little more in love with her.

"want a cup of tea?"

"that sounds so good right now," she looks at george and he stands to his feet, sliding his phone into his pocket and striding across the living room and in the direction of the kitchenette, "can i stay here tonight?"

"you're always welcome here," george says.

and with that, he disappeared around the corner to make her, and himself, a cup of tea because the idea sounding really warming and he could feel a chill in the air. the silence swallowed arthur and yn as they sat comfortably in each other's presence... but he felt his tongue burning from wanting to say something to her. he just didn't know what.

"i don't know why i bother anymore, you know?"

"hmm?"

arthur looks over at her and she frowns in his direction, her eyebrows pinching together on her browline and there's a sudden flush in her cheeks that was something other than the wind-bitten skin that she would have endured on her walk to george's flat.

"why couldn't you just ask me out, doofus?"

"again, hmm?"

arthur's confused and his heart was racing in his chest, beating quick and hard and he was surprised she couldn't hear how worked up he was feeling at her question.

"we slept together, we had such a good holiday, but we get back to england and you forget all that happened? we go back to being best friends and act like we never did anything?" she questions him and he shakes his head erratically, "then why didn't you do anything?"

"why should i? why couldn't you make the first move?"

she scowls at him when she sees the smirk toying at his lips, his phone being slipped into his picket so she had his full attention, his body shifting in his seat so he could look at her.

"i wanted to ask you out. really, i did," he starts, gulping back a thick lump in his throat before he continued, "i didn't want it to ruin what we had though. that night was amazing, from what i remember, and i didn't think we could go anywhere because i didn't know how i felt at the time. i didn't want it to change the group because we became a couple. i didn't know how to approach it, i guess."

"you've seen me go through hell on these dates and you didn't step in," she grumbles and he stands up, taking long steps in her direction and kneeling down in front of her, "be my knight in shining armour, idiot. save me so i don't have to do this anymore."

he takes her hands in his and squeezes them tight, running his thumbs across her knuckles with soft movements, eyes trained on her face as she looks at her lap.

"stay at mine tonight?" he asks her gently and lifts her head, "don't stay here. come back with me. and i'll take you home tomorrow and you can get all dressed up again, you can spend hours on your make-up and your hair, and i'll take you out in the evening and show you a proper date."

"i'm bored of dinners now. i've had too many bad ones to count," she informs him, "surprise me? but it has to be fun. not boring or generic. it has to be exciting."

"deal," he grins widely, pressing a kiss to her forehead, "consider yourself surprised." x

[honeylations]

- Angry Pupu -

KIM CHAEWON x FEM!READER

Prompt: Chaewon is known for her anger issues, always yelling at the smallest things whereas you’re her calm and collected girlfriend, always so soft spoken and doing everything with a cute smile. Your members wonder how you two ended up dating despite the obvious opposite personalities.

Warnings/Notes: cute pupu, angry pupu, reader is adorable tooooo, soft and fluffy, a mix of comedy

———

“YAH WHO ATE MY MINT CHOCO ICE CREAM!”

———

“YAH WHO USED MY HAIR STRAIGHTENER? WAS IT YOU HUH YUNJIN? WHY THE FUCK DO YOU NEED A STRAIGHTENER WHEN YOU’RE NOT EVEN STRAIGHT YOURSELF!”

———

“WHERE THE HELL ARE MY TAMPONS?!”

———

“WHO WENT INTO MY ROOM AND TOOK MY FAVOURITE PEN?!”

———

The members lost count at the amount of times their leader had screamed today and you seemed to be the only person unbothered by it. Sakura had just finished taking pills for the headache she received from hearing the short girl’s anger.

“I swear this is her new record. How is her throat not hurting?” Sakura whined, rubbing her temple and flopping down on the couch next to you.

“How are you even dating her, Y/n?” Yunjin groans as she joins you two with a bowl of popcorn in her hand.

“Y/n is like the off switch for Chaewon’s tantrums” Kazuha appeared shortly after with a whisper, tensing when she heard Chaewon’s little feet stomp downstairs.

“WHAT DID YOU SAY ZUHA?!”

The youngest Japanese girl ran to you as a shield, angering the leader even more. “BACK OFF MY GIRLFRIEND, NAKAMURA!”

Kazuha squeaked and ran to Yunjin instead, not daring to say another word. Eunchae comes in with a bowl of strawberries and feeds you one before going upstairs to finish her Lilo and Stitch marathon. You hummed at the delicious taste of the fruit and turned to your girlfriend who got jealous of the hand feeding gesture between you and the maknae.

“We should buy more strawberries, love. They taste amazing” You spoke with a smile, Chaewon’s anger disappearing almost immediately.

She cupped your face and pecked your lips. “You’re so fricking cute. ISNT SHE GIRLS? SAY IT TO HER!”

The 3 girls sitting on the couch flinched and started complimenting you chaotically, voices going over each other, not wanting an ass beating from their short tempered leader.

“TOO MUCH COMPLIMENTS! BACK OFF!”

“Love, calm down please” You said, caressing her arm and Chaewon obeyed, sitting in your lap.

“Ok, babe”

“Whipped” Yunjin commented, earning a couch cushion to the face. “OW! God Y/n, I want you to answer my question for real this time. How the hell are you dating this monster?”

“She’s not a monster. She’s my hero~” You cooed, hugging your short girlfriend tighter.

“I’ll be needing a hero if I get screamed at one more time” Kazuha muttered, seeing Chaewon glare at her.

“Chaewon? A hero? You’re saying this girl who’s scared of a mouse toy is your hero?” Sakura scoffed as the leader flipped her off.

“You’re just jealous” Chaewon hisses.

“And you’re a comedian.”

You held your girlfriend back down on your lap before she drop kicked the eldest member.

“Chae saved me from so many people before we debuted. Her yelling may be annoying to you girls but it always reminded me of why I love her! She’s so tough~ Without her anger, she wouldn’t have saved me from the bullies back in high school. She does the same now with anyone who shares hate comments about me. I’m too shy to stand up for myself like that” You explained, your heart swelling at the memories.

“Yeahhhh. Y/n was this cute little chubby nerd in high school” Chaewon grinned, pinching your cheeks again.

“Woah wait what, okay, this was something we haven’t been told before” Yunjin said, adjusting her sitting position and looking at you, Chaewon growling.

“Oh please, pull your head out of your tiny ass Kim, I’m not gonna take your girl. I just wanna know more about this cute little chubby nerd you were just talking about” The American added.

Chaewon got off your lap and sat next to you instead, pushing Sakura further into Kazuha who was already getting squished. The younger Japanese member gave up and sat on the ground instead, snatching Yunjin’s popcorn bowl.

“Yeah it’s true. I wasn’t that good looking in high school” You shyly smiled.

“Hey don’t say that. Nobody starts off as a hottie, like, me in high school with the dark ass eyebrows that didn’t match my hair colour? Goddamn” Yunjin joked, making you all laugh. (A/N: I’m not actually talking about Yunjin like that guyssss! The whole dark eyebrow thing is something I added based on my experience in high school💀💀)

“I’m being honest, I swear! I was super chubby, wore these thick purple glasses and always got bullied for reading books all the time. See?” You pulled out a photo of you in high school and all the girls (besides Chaewon) gasped.

In the photo was 14 year old Y/n with a bob cut and thick fringe, using one hand to hold a thick novel to her chest while the other put up a peace sign. Your purple glasses were indeed huge and you smiled widely, presenting the braces you had at the time.

“Oh and here’s Chae” You zoomed out of the photo and 14 year old Chaewon was exposed. She looked the same, only difference was the long hair in the photo. Sakura squinted her eyes and noticed how Chaewon’s hand was around your waist in the picture.

“Awwww! Chae did you have a crush on Y/n at this time?” The eldest asked as you closed your phone and returned it to your pocket.

“Yeah I did. Couldn’t tell if she liked me back though”

You blushed and slapped your girlfriend’s arm. “I did! I told you before, I just thought you were too good for a nerd like me”

“Nerdy y/n is cute, don’t get me wrong, but you’re absolutely stunning right now. Hellooooo? Your body? Your abs? Your facial structure? It’s so hard to believe that was you in the picture” Kazuha complimented.

“I just finally took the initiative in eating healthier and working out” You shrugged, letting Chaewon play with your fingers.

“Was Chaewon this loud back in highschool too?” Yunjin asked with a blunt tone.

“YAH IM GONNA KILL YOU, HUH YUNJIN!” The shortest member screamed and jumped onto the tallest member, shoving the couch pillow into her face.

You rolled your eyes with a smile and looked at Sakura. “You grab her legs, I’ll grab her arms”

“Absolutely not, she kicked my face last time we did that. Get Kazuha”

The said member stood up. “Sorry I don’t speak nor understand Korean very well so imma just go” Kazuha quickly says and runs upstairs to join Eunchae.

“Stop pretending you loser!” You screamed out to Kazuha in Japanese, knowing damn well this wasn’t the first time she’s done that. (A/N: Fun fact for everyone, Kazuha sometimes pretends that she doesn’t understand what the members are saying to her in Korean😭)

You sighed and stood up, patting down your pants. “Come on, babe, let’s go to bed”

“WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PISS ME OFF WITH EVERYTHING YOU SAY!” Chaewon continued to scream while violating Yunjin with the pillow.

“Y/N HELP PLEASE!”

This was gonna be a long night.

[mystwrites]

Snowed In (Squealing Santa 2k24)

Summary: Akutagawa doesn’t have fond memories of snow, but luckily for him, Atsushi is there to remind him that being snowed in isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

A/N: @squealing-santa gift for mango!anon!🥭💞i really hope you enjoy this fic w/atsushi cheering akutagawa up. also, i had a drawing from months back so here’s a little addition to your gift!😁

Much to the shock of everyone in Yokohama, there was a rather nasty snow storm that had rolled in. For the past few days, it’s been snowing hard, resulting in everyone being confined indoors. Most loved it, Atsushi even expressed his happiness with being locked indoors with Akutagawa until the storm blew over but Akutagawa didn’t necessarily share the same sentiment.

He wasn’t against spending time with Atsushi. He loved being around his boyfriend. The problem was the snow. First of all, there was way too much snow, keeping everyone indoors. Akutagawa had wanted to go out and do some last minute shopping but the weather had other plans.

Secondly, Akutagawa hated the snow, specifically heavy snow storms. It reminded him of living life in the slums as a child who was ignored when he was seen begging for scraps of food or digging in the ground for roots and bugs to munch on. It was a horrible reminder of how he was one insignificant person out of a billion people on this planet.

Deciding that his day was ruined in more ways than one, Akutagawa flopped onto the couch, grumbling to himself as he buried his face into the cushion. When he heard Atsushi ask if he was okay, his mumbling stopped and he huffed in annoyance, choosing to ignore his boyfriend who innocently just wanted to know if he was okay. A part of Akutagawa felt horribly guilty, remembering that he vowed to work on his horrendous communication skills but his pride kept him from giving in and giving Atsushi a decent apology.

Much to his shock however, Atsushi drew the curtains closed and sat next to Akutagawa in silence, moving his feet so they could sit together. This prompted Akutagawa to sit up and switch his position, his head now replacing where his feet previously where. As a hand gently ran through his hair, Akutagawa sighed, wishing that Atsushi would do something in an attempt to make him turn off his brain for a few minutes.

“Ryuu, I know you might not be in the mood,” Atsushi began, gently running his fingers through Akutagawa’s hair. “But can I attempt to make you feel better?”

As if the gods answered him, Akutagawa nodded, deciding that he didn’t care what Atsushi did. As long as it meant he could forget about the snow storm and his past involving snow storms, he would be fine with it.

“Also, do you mind telling me what’s bothering you?” Atsushi gently ran his thumbs along Akutagawa’s cheeks, the mafioso sighing with content at the sensations.

“I’d prefer not to delve into my past, Weretiger.” he replied, closing his eyes as Atsushi began to stroke his hair again. “Maybe once I’m feeling better, I’ll confide in you.”

“That’s fair.” Atsushi then playfully tried to pull his lips upwards into a smile. “Can I at least see you smile?”

“No.” Akutagawa said, rolling his eyes. “I don’t feel like smiling, Weretiger.”

The touches on his head ceased and Akutagawa whined at the loss of touch. He loved whenever Atsushi played with his hair. However, he jumped in shock when he felt fingers tickling the sides of his neck.

“That’s okay, I’ll just make you smile myself!~” Atsushi giggled, now tickling his lover with gentle scribbles. “We both know you’re starting to enjoy receiving tickles!~”

Akutagawa swatted Atsushi away, ready to yell at him and tell him to screw off, but deep down, he knew Atsushi was right. Ever since Atsushi grew brave enough to tickle him, Akutagawa slowly realized that being tickled wasn’t so bad, it just depended on who did it and how it was done.

He also remembered his tickling seemed to cheer Atsushi up every single time he witnessed him down in the dumps. Maybe it would work for him as well and maybe…just maybe Akutagawa wanted to laugh and be at Atsushi’s mercy for once. Maybe he just wanted to forget about his past and have fun with his favorite person.

“Wow! You normally never let me tickle you!” Atsushi giggled, tickling the sweet spot below Akutagawa’s chin, receiving a sweet giggle. “May I keep going?”

Sighing as his neck was left alone, Akutagawa was about to nod but froze. He suddenly felt really shy. Deciding to make Atsushi work, he got up and bolted, heading to the bedroom.

Atsushi gave chase, easily catching up and grabbing Akutagawa around the middle. Together, they went crashing down onto the bed, both young men giggling as they fought for the upper hand. Eventually, Atsushi won, sitting beside Akutagawa and holding his shoulders down to the bed.

“Y-you have my permission.” he finally said, cheeks flushing as Atsushi gave him three more kisses. “But I’ll admit, it’s pretty difficult to make me laugh out loud, especially when I’m not in a good mood. Are you up for the challenge?”

A grin formed on Atsushi’s face. “Oh, I’m up for it alright! Prepare yourself because you are gonna start laughing in no time!~”

The tickling started on Akutagawa’s stomach, the sensations very gentle compared to the tickling Akutagawa normally gives Atsushi. It felt nice though, the touches threatening to make him giggle, yet we’re quite tolerable, nearly relaxing depending on where Atsushi tickled. As Atsushi’s fingers danced along his waist, Akutagawa squirmed a little more, his cheeks heating up as he pursed his lips together. His waist was more ticklish than his stomach, that’s for sure.

Now things were becoming difficult. Akutagawa was more sensitive around his hips than his waist, the light tickles on his hipbones threatening to make him laugh. Atsushi seemed to sense this as well and surprised Akutagawa by squeezing at the squishy flesh just below his ribs.

Shaking his head, Akutagawa rolled to the side and tried to curl up, his face now plastered with a huge smile. Willing himself to not laugh was even more difficult now, Atsushi tickling at his more ticklish spots. The tickles under his ribs now changed to his thighs, Akutagawa weakly squirming and finally dissolving into soft fits of giggles that became louder as Atsushi squeezed the spot above his knees.

“Aahahahahaaa!! Nohoho!!” Akutagawa cried, reaching out to grab the tickling hands. “Nohohot thehehere!!”

“Aww! I found a tickle spot!~” Atsushi cooed, laughing as Akutagawa cackled upon getting his thighs squeezed. “Ryuu, are you boy crazy? If you’re ticklish here it means you’re boy crazy!”

“I-I’m nohohot!!” Akutagawa protested, slapping Atsushi’s hands away with a squeal. “Dohohon’t tehehease mehehe like that!!”

“But it must be true if you’re laughing this much! Or maybe you’re crazy for me?~” Atsushi got off briefly and resorted to lying against Akutagawa, grabbing a foot and gently scribbling. “See? Look, you’re laughing so much!~”

Akutagawa’s feet kicked out and he started to scramble for purchase, doing his best to squirm away from Atsushi. He was getting too ticklish to stay still, laughing harder with each passing second as Atsushi kept tickling his feet.

“Ihihi’m gohohonna…AAAHHAHA!! K-kihihill you…NOOHOHO!!!” Akutagawa rolled onto his side and kicked out, unsure if he wanted to kick Atsushi in the face or let him keep going. In the end, he resorted to allowing Atsushi to keep going.

It all became even worse, Akutagawa arching his back with a howl as he felt Atsushi lie on top of him and lift up one arm, threatening to tickle his armpit. Knowing he was screwed if Atsushi tickled there, he used his free hand to protect himself, pushing Atsushi’s hand away each time it drew near.

“Come on, Ryuu.~” Atsushi sang, laughing as Akutagawa refused. “Come on! Let me tickle you here!~”

“Absoluhuhutely nohohot!!” Akutagawa argued, laughing even more as he defended his armpit with his free hand. “Nohohot thehehere!!”

“Where?~”

“My ahaharmpits…WAAHAHAHA!! NO! NOHOHO!! AHAHTSUSHI!!”

Knowing he made a grave error, Akutagawa covered his face with embarrassment. He fell for a trick he normally would’ve used on Atsushi! The weretiger was stealing every trick he had used on him in the past! Now, all Akutagawa could think about were the relentless scribbling fingers tickling his worst spot.

Atsushi dug his fingertips into Akutagawa’s armpits a little more, the mafioso responding by shrieking with laughter and rolling from side to side. Seeing that the squirming became slightly dangerous for him, Atsushi got on top of Akutagawa’s taking a seat on his waist. Unable to stop Atsushi as his arms raised up over his head, Akutagawa let out a snort, practically howling as Atsushi kept tickling him gently but relentlessly.

The tickling became unbearable as Atsushi kept his fingers underneath Akutagawa’s arms. Each scribble left the mafioso in stitches, his face and stomach hurting from laughing so much. As Atsushi suddenly used his thumbs to rub deep circles into Akutagawa’s armpits, the man finally broke, his eyes filling with tears of mirth and his lungs aching for an ounce of oxygen.

This method worked wonders. Akutagawa for a split second had no idea why Atsushi started to tickle him and had no clue as to why he was being so gentle yet so merciless all at once. When he finally did remember, it was only when the tickling became too intense, Atsushi’s fingers staying at the hollows of his armpits for way too long.

“AHAHALRIGHT!!” Akutagawa wheezed, cackling as Atsushi used both hands to tickle his armpits. “IHIHI CAHAHAN’T TAHAHAKE IT!! I SURREHEHENDER!! MERCY!!”

“Are you begging, Ryuu?~” Atsushi teased, alternating between tickling Akutagawa’s lower set of ribs and his armpits. “Are you begging for me to have mercy on you? That’s so unlike you! Am I tickling you good?~”

Akutagawa nodded, snorting and laughing, squealing and screaming as his armpits and flanks got tickled relentlessly. “YEHEHES!! AAAHH! OKAY!! OKAHAHAY!! MEHEHERCY!”

Hearing the plea for the tickling to stop, Atsushi slowed to a stop, but not before he gave Akutagawa’s neck a raspberry, tickling his armpits for good measures. When he was satisfied, Atsushi released him, Akutagawa sighing with relief and satisfaction.

“Breathe for a minute then tell me.” Atsushi said, running his fingers through Akutagawa’s hair. “Take all the time you need.”

After a few minutes, Akutagawa looked into Atsushi’s eyes. “I…I hate snow storms.” he began. “They remind me of the nights I struggled to keep my sister and friends alive…and I always remember how people looked at us, making everyone, especially me feel insignificant.”

Before Akutagawa continued to ramble, Atsushi suddenly pressed their lips together, Akutagawa reciprocating and kissing back with an eagerness neither knew he had. He felt relief from not only explaining what was going on, but knowing Atsushi would never make him feel insignificant.

“You’re the most important person in my life, Ryuu.” Atsushi whispered, kissing Akutagawa’s cheeks as quickly as he could, giggles beginning to spill. “And I’m gonna make sure you know that anytime it snows like this!~”

Akutagawa let out a giggle as Atsushi kissed down his neck, flinching when he felt fingers dancing along his belly. “S-so yohohou’re going to tihihickle me during snohohow storms?”

Everything paused. “Only if you want me to.” Atsushi replied, sitting upright. “If you wish for something else, I won’t tickle you.”

“N-no…I…uhhh…I-I would love it if you tickled me during these moments of insecurity…” Akutagawa stammered, his cheeks now bright red all over again. “It makes m-me feel like you want me…”

“Of course I want you!” Atsushi exclaimed, suddenly pulling Akutagawa’s arms up over his head, forcing his laughter to return. “And I’ll prove it by tickling you from your ears…” Atsushi nibbled on Akutagawa’s earlobes, making him laugh. “All the way to your toes.” Atsushi reached back and gently tickled the underside of his lover’s toes, Akutagawa throwing his head back and howling.

“NOOHOHOHO!!” he laughed, gasping as Atsushi stopped and pinned his wrists out to the side.

“I’ll do that only if you want me to though.” Atsushi said, releasing Akutagawa’s arms to cup his bright red face. “I’ll never tickle you if you don’t wish for me to.”

Akutagawa smiled a genuine smile and knew what he wanted. Atsushi could sense it too and he grinned. “I…I want you to do it.” he admitted.

“Whenever it snows or at any point?”

“Whenever you sense that my past is coming back to haunt me, Atsushi.”

The weretiger smiled at the use of his first name, Akutagawa smiling back at him as they kissed again before Atsushi pulled away and started to leave the bed. Getting up to check outside, Atsushi made his way over to the window and slid the curtains aside.

Despite having been playing around for a while, it was still snowing, the snow falling with more intensity than it had been before. Seeing this, Atsushi rushed back over and grabbed Akutagawa’s ankle, the mafioso letting out a scream as fingers began to dance all over his right foot.

“It’s still snowing rather hard.~” Atsushi said, giving Akutagawa’s ankle a tug and bringing him to the edge of the bed. “Think you can handle more?”

Akutagawa thought about it, but he didn’t want anymore tickling. His lungs would explode. He did smile but shook his head, Atsushi instantly releasing him, but Akutagawa had something else in mind.

“No tickling…but,” he grinned as Atsushi instinctively leaned down upon his shirt being rugged on. “I wouldn’t mind a kiss or two.”

Atsushi giggled and pushed him down, leaning over him. His lips pressed against Akutagawa’s, making the dark haired man sigh. As Atsushi helped him up, he pulled them both back down, Atsushi laughing as he suddenly was launched to the left. Akutagawa grabbed Atsushi and grabbed his sides, making Atsushi burst into laughter instantly.

“N-no! NO, YOU LIHIHIED TO MEEHEHEE!!” Atsushi shrieked, cackling as Akutagawa straddled his waist.

“No, I did receive that kiss I wanted. I just think it’s time for you to reap what you sow.” Akutagawa replied, more than happy to flip those positions for a few minutes.

Despite the howling storm outside, all Akutagawa could hear was Atsushi’s adorable laugh. Maybe being snowed in wasn’t so bad after all and maybe, just maybe his bad memories would slowly be replaced with memories such as having Atsushi tickle him to pieces and him getting his revenge soon after.

[maxsimagination]

𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 - 𝗸.𝗰𝗼𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘆-𝗰𝗿𝗼𝘀𝘀

summary: kyra and yn both like each other and only start to make loves after charli becomes a pest.

𖦹 masterlist

"𝗦𝗢 𝗪𝗛𝗘𝗡 𝗔𝗥𝗘 you and kyra gonna start dating?"

i was caught completely off guard at that statement by charli. "huh?" all the eloquence left my body when i responded. "you and kyra. we all see it. you two make heart eyes behind the others' back all the time."

i could feel the blush creep onto my cheeks and around the nape of my neck. "i don't know what you're on about." it came out as a mumble but charli heard me.

"yn i can see you blushing. can you just ask her out already? the amount of times i've had to listen to her harp on about you is giving me headaches." i didn't know what to say to that either. "she talks about me?" charli looked dumbfounded that i picked up that piece of information out of everything else.

"yes, now can you please go and kiss her to shut her up?"

"you first. i'm not kissing anybody." it was then that kyra herself came over to join us, and had caught the last bit of what i had said. "who's kissing who?" "nothing, no one." i immediately shut it down and charli couldn't seem to find anything funnier. "so i'm gonna go now.." charli started to walk off.

"charlotte layne grant!" my voice held a warning for her that she knew she cop later. she didn't seem to care tho and ran off with a cheeky grin on her face.

me and kyra were left there, the latter not knowing what was going on. "what the fuck?" kyra whispered out at what had just occurred in front of her. "charli likes to screw around with us." i attempted to explain to my best friend of 5 years. a grin broke out on her face as she understood what i was trying to say.

"you got that right. wanna go to lunch with me?" i agreed happily and we headed for her car. what we didn't know was that charli had recruited katrina and they were both watching us from afar.

we went out to a local cafe and i took a seat at a table while kyra went up to order for the both of us; we did this together that often that she knew what i liked off by heart. she came to sit back down and the food followed soon after. we couldn't eat too much because we had training later on in the day.

it was a comfortable silence when we ate, and small talk about anything and everything when we weren't. i just felt so comfortable around her, she was the one thing in my life that i would sacrifice everything for, even my career.

we were in the middle of talking about something we'd both seen on the media, i had pulled out my phone to show kyra, and i saw her looking at me in the corner of my eye. as charli would have put it, she was making 'heart eyes' at me.

i thought back to the conversation i had with the young blonde earlier and her words echoed in my head. 'we all see it.' and 'you both make heart eyes at each other when the other isn't looking.' it got me thinking that maybe i should take that next step, maybe i should take a risk and ask her out.

my anxiety pulled my mind back down to reality, reminding myself of what could happen if she in fact didn't like me like that. everything would be ruined, the team dynamic and the bond we have going for over 5 years. and everyone would know. that's the last thing i needed. i looked back up to kyra who had just finished her food while i, on the other hand, was only halfway due to my daydreaming about the girl sitting opposite me.

"whatcha thinking about?" you. "oh nothing. just got distracted by something outside." i lied through my teeth to her face, i couldn't tell her now. i needed to at least get through training. then if she hated me i could pack up and move to england again.

we finished up, more like i finished while kyra waited patiently, then paid for the food and went back to the hotel the matilda's were staying in. i didn't even bother to go to my room, it was always one of us in the others room and this time it was my turn.

i flopped on her bed, starfishing in the middle, and taking up all the space. "yn move, i wanna lie down too." i shuffled over and held my arms out for her to fall into. she did just that, falling down onto me face first. we stayed like that for god knows how long before i checked the time and had a mini heart attack that we would be late. "i don't wanna leave."

"if we don't go, tony will skin us and drop us off the team." my tone was serious but my face betrayed how i felt.

with a groan she got off me and i grabbed my phone to go get changed in my room. "i'll come back to get you." i called out behind me and closed the door. as soon as i got into my own room i grabbed the first pair of any training gear i saw, changed the quickest i've ever changed and headed back to kyra's room.

it had only been 5 minutes, tops, so i knocked before hearing a barley audible 'come in!' and opening the door. kyra poked her head out from the bathroom and grinned at me. "geez, your quick. that desperate to get back to me, huh?"

i rolled my eyes at her antics, "you wish, ky." i shot back at her. "hurry up, let's go." she yelled back saying she was coming then ran back out to get her shoes on. we left to head down to the field where training was held. when we walked in together, both katrina and charli raised their eyebrows at me in a teasing manner.

i just flipped them off discreetly, trying not to catch kyra's attention.

——

we had just finished doing the last lap tony had ordered and i flopped onto the ground. the other girls were walking around, everyone was sweating their asses off and some had gone to the changing rooms already. kyra came over and stood above me with a sweaty grin.

“are you dead yet?"

"shut up, ky."

i managed to get out. she held her hands out for me to take and i did. when she pulled me up i came face to face, only an inch away from her. our hands had instinctively gone to my waist and her neck.

my eyes flicked down to her lips then back up to her eyes, just in time to see her doing the same to me. i thought back to charli and decided fuck it. "ky, do you wanna be my girlfriend?" it was silent for a second then kyra broke it and kissed me. i reacted instantly, kissing back and pulling her tighter against me.

she did the same with her arms around my waist, one of her hands trailing down to my ass, just resting there. we pulled apart and breathed heavily before i spoke up.

"so i'll take that as a yes?" before she could respond there was a shout from across the field. "finally!" it was katrina and charli, the latter being the one that yelled. "i knew you could do it yn!" while katrina just stood their smirking, even throwing out a wolf whistle. i shook my head at the two and turned back to kyra.

we grinned at each other and i whispered,

"finally."

[mexicanmerridew]

LOTF HEADCANONS YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHJ

( this is 4 @jackmerrizzler btw :3 )

( also sum of these are old )

Jack tried putting face paint on ralph multiple times but ralph kept running away everytime he did

Ralph went like "if you kept doing that im going to break your spear" ( he was buffling )

When it would be Halloween time they would dress up in a group costumes to find each other easily ( Sam & Eric would get lost pretty quick )

Speaking of halloween, its rogers fav holiday

Simon owed cats back home ( 2 to be specific )

Jack's full name name is "Jackson" merridew but prefers his last name more because his first name reminds him too much of his dad ( he's a junior )

After the island Ralph's hair wasent as fluffy anymore ( it became sorta dead in a way )

Jack's favorite color is green

After piggys aunt learned about piggy's death she made a candy about him & named it after him

They tried getting fish one time on the island but they were scared of how much they flopped on land that they resorted to pig

After a lot of the boys were rescued they slept with nightlights

Before crash landing on the island Jack's mom was pregnant ( jack didnt know at the time ) and while of his time on the island she ended up being born ( totally didn't headcanon this onto jack because I have a baby sister myself )

The liluns would gift each other things they found around the island ( like lil rocks or seaweed ) for comfort

( older ) Ralph would visit piggy's tombstone

The bigguns & lilnuns would write letters to their parents despite half of them getting lost

Jack knows how to play the piano

After jack got recued he was kinda paying less attention in choir and got put in dance classes for a while as punishment

Ralph had band classes back home and knew how 2 play the trumpet & flute ( totally didn't headcanon this bc I have a band class & play the flute and get heartburn and stomach aches all the time while playing it )

( IF SIMON WAS STILL ALIVE. ) he would have asked his mom for a lizard a bunch of times after being rescued until his grandma bought him 1 for his birthday !! :D

During the feast, Jack asked Ralph if he wanted to dance with him, and ralph just fucking straight out said "no"

After a few a minutes had past ( like 20 or so ) Ralph asked roger if he had seen simon cuz he wanted to dance with him

Ralph named 2 of his horses after simon & piggy

𝓙𝓪𝓬𝓴 𝔀𝓻𝓲𝓽𝓮𝓼 𝓵𝓲𝓴𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼

Ralph, piggy & Simon made flower crowns 4 each other ( Simon made the most for the 2 of them )

Jack tried teaching a lilnun C# but eventually gave up after a few mins 🥲

Jack would ( on purpose ) practice his C# late at night and drive Ralph CRAZY

Jack would try to teach some of the choir his fav songs

Jack HATED the rain while his time on the island but got used to it after he got saved

One of the boys on the island said sum shit like: "I can't believe I'm gonna die here without my first kiss!" As a joke ( WHICH MOST OF THE KIDS UNDERSTOOD ) except 1 kid who thought he was being serious and ACTUALLY KISSED HIM... ( in front of jack too )

Out of all the boys on the island simon had the most scars ( even after getting murdered ) with jack being the second & Ralph being the 3rd

piggy & simon tried giving sum of simons flower crowns to the tribe but they destroyed them due to "jacks orders"

This post took an hour 2 type pls like it ☹️ ( I'll pin this maybe )

[chenziee]

Love at Sunrise (the worst kind)

HAPPY LAWLU DAY!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

Coming back with Chains of Fate for @truffyfest Summer of Lawlu!! But also we all know that I am insane so of course I didn't stop there. We have:

Summer of Lawlu, June 6: DAWN | CAUGHT IN THE RAIN | “I never meant to fall in love with you, I just did.”

OP Bingo 2023 (yes I know, don't look at me): Picnic

@opfluffzine Wheel of Fluff event: Kisses

No, I didn't read this after myself, yes, I'm even less prepared than usual this year xD I'm too busy lately 😭 Please bear with me for now and I'll see you next week 🤍 EDIT: I've read it over now, sorry about the weird typos arrvaerv

[ READ ON AO3 | CHAINS OF FATE | COMM INFO ]

----------

There wasn’t much Law wanted in life.

Peace and quiet. Knowledge. His crew’s safety. A dry and comfortable bed. A decent amount of sleep. It wasn’t that much to ask, in his humble opinion.

So then why, why in the world was he sitting out here on a soaking wet picnic blanket at five in the fucking morning, surrounded by laughing and singing and shouting people all around him? It was neither dry, nor comfortable, peaceful, quiet nor was he getting any sleep at all anytime soon, by the looks of it.

Hell, he couldn’t even attest for the safety of his crew; no one was dead, but the recent battle with the Blackbeard pirates had carried its toll. Everyone was injured and most of them shouldn’t be even moving around. Not that that had stopped those idiots from partying after reuniting with their ‘allies’.

Quotation marks because the alliance with the Straw Hats was over. It had been over for two weeks, as Law had reminded his crew countless times. And yet, both crews still stubbornly insisted on calling each other that.

All except Law himself, of course.

“Torao!!” 

Law closed his eyes momentarily, praying for patience as the biggest pain in his life approached him fast—his flip flops slapping in the mud soaked by the sudden downpour that had interrupted the party earlier, a giggle on his lips, and bringing the smell of meat and bonfire smoke and the sun with him.

How did he always manage to smell like the sun, even in the middle of the night, right after a rain, when they haven’t seen the celestial body in hours? Law had no idea.

“Torao~! Why are you just sitting here?” Straw Hat questioned once he skidded to a stop right behind Law, before immediately grabbing onto Law’s shoulders and leaning over to press an awkward, upside-down kiss to Law’s forehead.

Law huffed, raising an eyebrow at Luffy. “Better question, how do you still have the energy to be so loud?”

Law tried to sound annoyed but with the way his lips twitched and one of his hands immediately raised to touch Luffy’s own hand on his shoulder… he wasn’t sure he succeeded.

Either way, Luffy wasn’t phased. “It’s our first time on Elbaf!! Of course I’m excited, look how giant everything is! Even the meat is huge!”

“Of course you’d get excited about the meat,” Law teased.

“Not just the meat!”

“Of course,” Law placated, doing his best to sound as sincere as he could.

“Jerk,” Luffy shot back immediately, giving Law a pout. “I hate you.”

Law couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him at that. “Glad to know my own soulmate hates me.”

“You can be my soulmate and a jerk,” Luffy announced, sticking his tongue out for good measure.

Law shook his head, trying not to show the smile that was pulling on his lips. Not for the first time, he had to wonder how the hell he had ended up with this absolute menace as his soulmate, and why the hell did he actually enjoy it.

It was ridiculous.

This entire… thing they had was ridiculous, just as anything that involved Straw Hat was ridiculous. Like him breaking the chain of a soulmark on Law’s arm with ease on Dressrosa, like invading Whole Cake Island, like beating Kaido, like bringing an entire fucking Buster Call on himself not two days after Law had left him unsupervised.

And yet, Law couldn’t bring himself to hate it—or to regret a single moment they’d spent together since running into each other on Punk Hazard.

That in itself was ridiculous.

But really, who was the ridiculous one here?

Did it even matter?

Without a word, Law grabbed Luffy’s hand still on his shoulder, bringing it to his lips. He pressed a kiss to the knuckles—scarred and rough and rubbery and oh-so warm… 

“Torao? Are you okay?”

No. No, he was not. 

He didn’t realise how scared, how tired, and how stressed he had been since the crew’s run-in with Blackbeard until Luffy was safely back by his side. Just hearing his voice, feeling his warmth, having his presence solid next to him was enough to have Law’s carefully constructed mask of I’m fine fall into pieces.

Law’s soulmark tingled when Luffy twisted his hand so that he could lace their fingers together, squeezing lightly.

That simple gesture was enough to ground Law.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he sighed finally. “Don’t worry.”

Luffy was silent for a moment but then he nodded and, a second later, his usual grin was back. He didn’t waste any time in joining Law on his gross, wet, cold blanket, pressing himself against Law’s side as he huddled close, with Law’s arm automatically wrapping around his shoulders. Before they settled into each other, Luffy pressed a quick peck to Law’s cheek, to which Law huffed. That just seemed to make Luffy laugh.

Sometimes, Law had to wonder what about his reactions was so damn funny.

For a while, they simply watched as the last few people from their crews who were still awake partied together and with their new and old giant friends. Honestly, Law wasn’t even surprised that the Straw Hats had somehow managed to pick up an befriend not one, not two, but five giants somewhere along the fucking way before Law even knew knew the crew. Although, admittedly, one of those five had Nico Robin in a sobbing mess on the floor the moment she saw him, much to her own crew’s confusion.

Law didn’t want to know what that was about. He had enough of his own childhood trauma to deal with, thank you very much. Robo-ya could deal with that particular issue.

As they sat in comfortable silence together, Law played with Lufffy’s hair absentmindedly; eventually, he went to kiss Luffy’s temple where he was resting his head against his shoulder… but as he turned to do just that, he suddenly realised how light the sky was getting on the eastern side of the island.

“You’ve got to be kidding…” he muttered, glaring at the first, slight tinges of orange.

Luffy only hummed questioningly, and Law could just imagine the cute, confused frown on his face.

“It’s dawn. It’s fucking dawn, Straw Hat-ya.”

“Oh! Nice!”

Law took a deep breath, his eye twitching. “I hate sunrises, Straw Hat-ya. Do you know why?”

“But they’re so pretty…” Luffy whined and Law took a deep breath.

“They’re pretty to you. To me, though, there are only three reasons I’d ever watch one. Insomnia, nightmares, or you keeping me up until ungodly hours in the morning doing stupid shit,” Law hissed, shooting Luffy an unimpressed look.

Straw Hat, however, completely ignored the very unsubtle jab. “I like the last option best.”

Clicking his tongue, Law shook his head. He refused to admit out loud that he felt the same way. Being forced to socialise until morning was much preferable to trying and failing to fall asleep in complete silence and darkness for hours on end.

But still…

“I hate you.”

“Liar.”

Law clicked his tongue at Luffy’s all too amused snicker. Brat.

Finally, Law sighed. “It’s still weird though. This.” He gestured vaguely with the hand he had on Straw Hat’s shoulder. “You know, I never wanted a soulmate. I never wanted this fucking soulmark. And now I’m sitting here, as uncomfortable as can be. Because of you.”

“Hey!” Luffy cried. “I didn’t force you to sit on the soaked blanket when there was a nice bonfire going right here the whole time!”

“And who was the one who insisted on me not leaving when it started raining, holding my injured crew hostage?” Law asked, voice dripping in sarcasm. “Someone had to make sure no one fucking died.”

“Excuses.” Luffy waved his hand dismissively.

Closing his eyes momentarily, Law forced himself to stay calm. “What I’m trying to say”—he paused, mentally preparing himself—”is that it’s weird as hell. I never wanted a soulmate and yet I…”

He trailed off, suddenly out of words. What was he saying? Why was he saying this? Is it too late to back down?

“Yet you…?” Luffy prompted.

Yep. Definitely too late.

Fuck…

“I never meant to fall in love with you, I just… did. And I can’t figure out why.”

The silence that followed only served to drive the mortification Law was feeling in. He almost wished Luffy had laughed in his face instead of taking all this sweet time to process Law’s words.

It felt like hours before Luffy finally responded.

“I fell in love with you too. And it has nothing to do with the soulmate thing. I just love you. Don’t think so hard about stuff, Torao.”

Law cringed; having Luffy be the voice of reason always felt like a slap in the face—which was usually exactly what Law needed in the situations it happened.

“It’s your fault for keeping me up so late. I’m getting delirious.”

At that, Luffy burst out laughing; and, even though he was mostly laughing at him… Law couldn’t help but smile. Luffy’s joy was infectious, today and always. Brighter and more beautiful than any sunrise could ever dream to be.

Oh god, he really was sleep-deprived.

With one final huff, Law leaned in, pressing his lips against Luffy’s in that day’s first, proper kiss. Actually, wasn’t this their first kiss since they parted in Wano? Maybe.

It didn’t matter. What mattered was the way Luffy’s lips stretched into a smile against Law’s mouth, his hands coming up to hold onto Law’s coat as he returned the kiss eagerly. Nothing else mattered at all.

Law may not have gotten any quiet, comfort, dryness, knowledge, or the least amount of sleep tonight—hell, even safety was questionable during this party despite there being no danger to them on Elbaf in theory. But, with Luffy and his crew within reach once more, Law really couldn’t say he was complaining.

Maybe, happiness was enough sometimes.

He would still not say no to a fucking bed though.

[maul-of-shame]

So I saw you answered someone asking about your writing so I'm taking a shot, if you don't want to answer that's fine though, no pressure!!!

I read many of your fics, drabbles and all and I was wondering if you have some sort of ''fear'' as a writer? To me, your writing is amazing and I know we all have fears and things we dislike about our stuff so I was wondering if you had one/some when it comes to your writing?

Not saying you should have one at all!😭 Anyway I just don't know how to word it, forgive me Bucky 😂😭

Aww, hi there! First off, thank you so much for reading my little fics and drabbles—it means the world that you’d take the time to do that and then ask me this question on top of it. You’re so sweet!🥹

Okay, so apologies for the incoming rambling (you’ve been warned), but let’s dive into the chaos of my brain.

Honestly, I think the biggest “fear” I wrestle with as a writer is… being seen only as a fanfic writer and nothing else.

Like, don’t get me wrong—I LOVE fanfiction. It’s brought me so much joy, growth, and connection with amazing people (like you!). But I have these big dreams of publishing my own original work someday. I want to tell stories that come purely from my own little weird heart, you know? Stories that might sit on someone’s shelf, that might inspire someone the way my favorite books inspired me.

Stories that might make them cry or laugh or throw the book across the room in frustration (which, let’s be real, is the ultimate compliment). I want to be that kind of writer.

That said—because I need to scream this into the void—I’m so endlessly, obnoxiously grateful for the support and feedback I’ve gotten through fanfiction. It’s not just, “Oh, this is fun!” It’s like… “Holy shit, people are actually reading the chaotic nonsense that spills out of my head and even LIKING it??” It blows my mind every time, and I’ll never stop being grateful for the love, the comments, the memes, the everything. I mean this with my whole chest: I wouldn’t be the writer I am without this space and without people like YOU who take the time to say kind things or even just quietly read along.

And this isn’t me being a dramatic little shit—okay, maybe a little dramatic, I can’t help myself—but sometimes, chasing the dream of writing original stories feels scary as hell. Like, “Can I do it? Will it matter? What if I’m just forever the fanfic writer who tried and flopped?” But then I remind myself that the fanfic writer me? She’s a badass, too. She’s the reason I even have the guts to dream of shelves and bookstores and signed copies (lol imagine me signing books… I’d probably doodle something embarrassing in the margins).

The scary part is the thought that people might look at me and say, “Oh, she’s good… but only for fanfiction.” Like I’m stuck in this little box. And I get it! Fanfiction and original work are two different beasts. But it’s terrifying to think that I might never be able to break out of that box in people’s minds or that my original stuff won’t measure up.

Writing fic means you’re working with these beloved characters that people already know and love (or passionately hate—hey, no judgment, to each their own). You’re basically playing in this giant, already-established sandbox where you get to build castles, dig holes, and maybe throw some sand in people’s faces for fun. The love for those characters is already baked into the equation, you know?

But original work? That’s like showing up to an empty lot with a dream and a shovel.

You have to build the sandbox from scratch, bring the sand, plant a flag, and then stand there hoping—praying—that someone will wander by, look at what you’ve made, and think, “Huh, maybe I’ll give this a try.” It’s daunting because there’s no safety net of pre-existing love. People aren’t already emotionally invested in your characters—they don’t know their quirks, their heartbreaks, or the way they snort when they laugh. It’s just you, standing there like, “Hi! Please give my little sandcastle a chance? I promise it’s cool!” And let’s be real, most people just stroll past like, “Meh, I’ve seen better sand.”

And I’m not saying this to throw shade at fanfiction (because, uh, I love it), but there’s something so much scarier about creating something entirely from your own brain. Like, in fanfic, you’re remixing these iconic characters and stories, and people already have a reason to care. But with original work? You’re making it all up: the world, the characters, the drama, the everything. You’re basically yelling into the void and hoping someone will listen—and maybe, just maybe, fall in love with your weird little brainchildren.

So yeah, the fear of “what if no one cares” is VERY real.

Also—on the note of fear—there’s the good ol’ “everything I write is bad, and people are just too nice to tell me” spiral. You know, the one where I read something I’ve written and think, “Maybe I peaked five years ago, and I’ve been bluffing ever since”😂 It’s irrational, but it’s there.

Like, I could be sitting here, 200k words deep into that damn fic (stares directly at Gilded), with the most heartbreaking, beautifully tragic romantic quote that I know isn’t half-bad, and a part of me will STILL be like, “Nope, everyone’s just lying to you. They’ve formed a secret club where they all agree to gaslight you into thinking you’re a good writer, but actually, you suck.”

And it’s so stupid because I KNOW people wouldn’t go out of their way to read and comment on something if they hated it. But that little insecure gremlin in the back of my brain? Oh, she is LOUD LMAO.

And listen—don’t let my loud, sassy mouth fool you. Underneath all the sass and sarcasm is a very shy goth girl with weird humor, probably breaking into puns (she is, trust me) every time something hits a little too close to home. She will absolutely deflect with awkward jokes, but if you’re nice to her? She’s tearing up. Like, full-on ugly crying. Compliments hit her right in the feelings, and she doesn’t know how to handle it, so she just sits there like, “Oh my god, thank you—wait, are you sure? Are you okay? Do you need glasses??”

Basically, what I’m trying to say is, I’m an awkward, emotionally fragile nerd masquerading as a confident, loudmouth goth.😂😂 I spiral like the best of them, but I’m also SO thankful for anyone who sticks around, reads my stuff, or says something kind. You’re the reason I don’t throw my laptop into the sun during my bad brain days!!!🖤

That being said, even with all those fears, I’m stubborn as hell. I want to claw my way through those doubts. I want to leave my mark (okay, that sounded so pompous LMAO SORRY-, but you get what I mean). Even if the path to publishing original stories is slow and bumpy and full of “what ifs”, I’m gonna chase it because I love storytelling too much not to.

Anyway, thank you for this question. Seriously. It made me reflect on a lot, and it was kind of nice to ramble about it (sorry for the novel though—classic Bucky move 😂). Also, your kindness gives me fuel to keep writing. I hope this rambling mess of an answer made some sense!!!💙

[fayedartmouth]

Sny snippets from the fix it u would like to share or loved writing? I just miss ur writing 🫶

Honestly, the most fun bits I've been writing are all the way in the second fic, and I can't share them yet because they're a bit too climactic. Most of what I've been chipping away at with the fix-it is the expansion of the S4 portion of the arc, which is taking the canon plot and simply giving it more depth -- so missing scenes, expanded scenes, etc. I've included a bit of JJ and Kie after they rescue JJ from the kidnapping on the mercenary boat.

I guess there's light sex here? But like very PG. And just lots of JJ's identity crisis and self hate -- and the support Kie should have given him but we never got to see on screen.

If there are any other specific things you're interested in reading, I'd be happy to share more snippets! I'm writing as fast as I can but this fic is LONG.

“It’s okay,” she assured him, her voice steady as she smoothed her fingers through his hair.  “I don’t care who your family is.  Because I know who <i>you are</i>.”

Her confidence only seemed to wilt his own.  “Oh yeah?” he returned weakly.  “And who’s that?  A felon?”

She didn’t rise to his bait.  “The man I love,” she murmured, kissing him deeply for a moment and running her fingers through his hair.

He kissed her back, even while shaking his head.  “Kie, you’re being dumb,” he said, sighing as he stopped, dropping his head to rest against her.  “You can’t be so stupid.”

She frowned, reaching down and lifting his chin so he was looking at her again.  “I’m not being dumb.”

He didn’t fight her touch, but his eyes didn’t yield.  They couldn’t, so colored with pain and doubt.  “I”m not worth it; I never have been,” he said.  “I never should have pretended.  I never should have let myself–”

“Hey,” she said, tightening her grip on his chin.  “You make your choices, and I make mine.  And I chose you.”

Her conviction only seemed to deepen his fear.  “You’re going to realize, sooner or later, that’s a mistake,” he said.  “I mean, what happens when I get arrested?  Kie, I’m going to go to jail.  They’re going to throw me behind bars and lock me up.  And you’re – what?  Going to visit me?  Because – spoiler alert – conjugal visits aren’t a thing.”

It was a joke, but JJ wasn’t exactly trying to be funny.  Kiara didn’t laugh.  “Don’t talk like that.”

He pulled back, brow furrowing as he propped himself up on his elbow.  “You’re better off without me,” he said.  He inhaled, long and slow.  “If I were any kind of a man at all, I’d leave you and stop putting you through this.”

She was used to his self-deprecation.  She had to be; it was all JJ knew, when things got bad.  She would never let herself how scared he’d been at the start, the way his advances had sent him running.  Even after 18 months, it didn’t take much to get him there again.

And this wasn’t a little.

This was a lot.

48 hours of total disaster.

She’d seen him crash out; she’d watched him disassociate.  She’d helped him through a panic attack, and now here he was, begging her to reject him, too.

“Don’t you dare,” she said, scolding him gently as she caressed his cheek.  His breathing stuttered, and she could feel the flush of his cheek, but he didn’t pull away.  “You <i>are</i> worth it.  The only person who doesn’t know it is you.”

This made him turn away.  She could see the wetness in his eyes as he snorted, flopping on his back on the pillow next to her.  “The whole town,” he reminded her.  “And <i>both</i> my fathers apparently.”

Her stomach flipped.  All things considered, the platitudes wouldn’t land as well as she hoped right now.  It had taken her long enough to convince JJ that Luke had been wrong.  Now that he was wanted by the cops – and had discovered the truth about his parentage – there was a whole new battle for her to fight.

One she wasn’t prepared for, to say the least.

But she had to try.  For JJ.  

She had to try.

“They’re idiots, every last one of them,” she said.  “Especially Luke and Groff.”

He still didn’t look at her, lips twitching anxiously.

She rolled over onto her front propping herself up on her elbows.  “I love you, JJ,” she said, lifting her hand to tip his face toward her again.  “And if you remember nothing else, remember this:  I love you.  Your future is my future.  No matter what.”

His face creased, and she could see how he ached to believe her.  He closed his eyes, letting out a short breath.  “I love you, too,” he said, and he opened his eyes again, blinking away the tears as he kissed her.  “I can’t stop myself.  I love you so damn much.”

It was less a declaration than it was an apology.  Something desperate and hurting, like he was admitting it against his better judgement.  She drew him in, rolling them over so he was beneath her and kissed him.  He didn’t fight; he fully relented as she trailed the kisses down his neck and chest before she found the hem of his shorts.

She worked her way down and he gasped, catching on a sob as he surrendered to her.

It could be the two of them, just a little longer.  It could be the pair of them, perfectly in tandem, one more time.  Their love had saved her.

Their love could save him.

She had to believe it.

She drew him in, gasping his name.

She had to believe it.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

Lmfaooo I know I already yapped my way into ur inbox earlier but. Sighhhh aroace reader has been on my mind again and I’m literally screaming clutching my torso rolling around on the floor crying thinking about it no joke <///333

I think that aroace reader + stsg comes with SO much comedic potential I physically cannot 😭😭 especially with reader who’s pretty much romance averse with satosugu (secretly) being their exception… like maybe shoko and utahime end up talking about their love lives and ask reader about THEIR love life and reader just deadpans “oh I don’t do romance. Doesn’t interest me” and satosugu (particular toru) are just like “….🙁ok but but but but but but-“ LMFAOO BUT THIS ALSO WORKS WITH READER WHOS COMPLETELY UNAWARE OF HOW STSG FEEL ABOUT THEM DESPITE IT BEING OBVIOUS TO EVERYONE ELSE???? imagine being with them out in public, being all affectionate n shit and then a cashier asks “oh are you guys dating? :)” and before either of them can get a word in ur just like “oh no, we’re just close friends haha!!! I know it looks like we do but none of us having feelings for each other at all haha!!!!” And they just look so fucking dejected like satorus shoulders slump and he puts on such a babyish pout…… and sugus just nodding and smiling along (he’s trying not to start screaming and crying on the floor) or maybe someone comes up to you and asks for your number before noticing suguru with his arm wrapped around your waist and satoru who’s got his arm around your shoulders and is looking at you like you hung the stars with your bare hands n the person is like “oh sorry I didn’t notice you guys are dating!!!” But reader is just like “huh?? No we’re not dating u can have my number!!” LMFAOOO I CAN SEE SATORU PULLING THIS FACE

They’re so funny I actually cannotttt 😭😭😭 another thing that’s been on my mind is that if sugu didn’t leave and stsg + reader sorted out their feelings for each other, they could all be teen parents to little Megumi ☹️☹️ satoru gets some money from his rich aah family (cause no way they aren’t rich cmon he was spoiled as a kid) and buys a nice apartment for you all, maybe somewhere by the sea… firm believer that suguru is the mother of all time like. He absolutely makes pancakes with syrup and blueberries and whatever else for u all in the morning……. U guys wake up early in the morning sometimes when it’s still a little dark with Megumi in his tiny little raincoat and take him out for walks by the beach….. collecting pretty rocks and seashells….. megumis dogs swimming in the ocean and satoru skipping stones while sugu reminds him not to go too close incase the tide comes in unexpectedly and he gets his shoes soaked…… I gotta stop myself now or else I’ll go on the lengthiest sugu rant you’ve ever seen but. You get the idea. Sugu being a caretaker mommy for one actual baby and one baby that’s actually a tall pouty bastard that’s so insufferably charming <//333 and you ofc!!! (His favourite baby) (joke he adores you all equally) (even if he lovingly pretends satoru is his least favourite)

HAAHHAAAAA I SERIOUSLY CANT STOP THINKING AB THEM I NEED HELP 😭😭😭 AS ALWAYS I HOPE UR DOING ALRIGHT N TAKING CARE OF URSELF!!! AND ARIIIII the merman sugu asks you’ve been getting have actually been making me laugh my ass off everytimeeeee 😭😭 sugu flopping around like a seal and hating all humans except reader is so fucking funny to me like he’s just straight up dissing the human race but just looks you dead in the eyes and says “but you’re one of the good ones” GOODBYEEEEE 💀💀💀 ANYWAYS HOW HAVE U BEEN???? UP TO ANYTHING INTERESTING??? :3 🎤🎤🎤🎤🎤 gives u a flower + pancakes (sugu made them) u deserve it mwah mwah hope ur ok <333 🌷🥞

OLLIEEEEEE IT’S ALWAYS GREAT TO SEE U IN MY INBOX DW !!! we are yapping together 🫂🫂

PHDJDGDHDH THIS CONCEPT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME I HOPE U KNOW THAT 😭😭…. aroace!reader makes us all insane god bless. u are so REAL for mentioning the comedic potential bc it’s literally so beautiful….. i think i’m biased towards this option:

reader who’s pretty much romance averse with satosugu (secretly) being their exception… like maybe shoko and utahime end up talking about their love lives and ask reader about THEIR love life and reader just deadpans “oh I don’t do romance. Doesn’t interest me” and satosugu (particular toru) are just like “….🙁ok but but but but but but-“

IT’S JUST SOOOO FUNNY AND SWEET…. but i think stsg would also be so smug abt being reader’s exceptions 😭😭 losers. lovesick fools. utahime is just like… don’t you and those idiots have a thing 🤨🤨 and reader just goes well yeah but that’s different. they’re satoru and suguru. <- as if it’s just the most obvious thing in the world and stsg are sitting there all quiet and smug….. mentally squealing……… idk i just lovelovelove the idea of reader being very blunt with their emotions because they just don’t view romance in the same way others would and it flusters stsg Every Single Time. they used to always daydream abt being teasing bfs and making them flustered by acting all lovey-dovey but as it turns out they’re the ones who keep getting caught off guard by reader….

this is rlly just a random thought but. i’m just imagining them in the future, living together, not necessarily labelled in any way but they very much Love each other… suguru is smoking by the balcony late at night (he’s planning on quitting bc he doesn’t want to worry his babies <3) while satoru & reader are keeping him company… and reader just casually mentions that they want to live with stsg forever. that they’re happiest like that and don’t ever want it to end. and they’re just bluntly telling the truth but suguru and satoru are genuinely Losing It bc????? did we just get proposed to ????????? satoru is oddly quiet bc he’s trying to stop himself from blushing and suguru just clears his throat and tells reader that they feel the same way ….. but he’s not nearly as suave as usual bc he is in fact getting choked up LMAOO i love them sm they’re so silly ….. T—T

ok but back to ur lovely thoughts !!!! the idea of aroace!reader being oblivious is also rlly charming to me 😭😭 SATORU MAKING THAT FACE LMAO HE SOOO WOULD ……. i picture suguru just kinda twitching lol like he’s trying sooo hard to keep it together but a part of him kinda wants to kiss reader all over their pretty face so that they get the message. (jokes on him bc reader would somehow still assume that it was just … platonic kissing … just kissing the homies goodnight …..) sigh. it’s tough out here for stsg BUT i think they’d also be really endeared by it …… their oblivious lil reader….

AND WAHHHHH LIL BABY GUMI 🥺🥺🥺🥺 OLLIEEEE YOU’RE KILLING ME a nice house by the sea…….. taking walks by the beach…… and . mommy sugu ..,, our lord and saviour ……. makes u breakfast every morning and wakes u up by kissing u :(((( lets u cling to him while he cooks .. sighhhh. sigh sigh sigh. being a househusband could’ve fixed him idc 😔😔

Sugu being a caretaker mommy for one actual baby and one baby that’s actually a tall pouty bastard that’s so insufferably charming <//333 and you ofc!!! (His favourite baby) (joke he adores you all equally) (even if he lovingly pretends satoru is his least favourite)

AND THISSSS PLS u know the way to my heart….. caretaker mommy sugu 🥺🥺🥺 he would thrive off taking care of his babies like truly. he’s the Mother ever. and now he has one lil baby to Actually Mother and two overgrown babies to coddle and tease…… his dream life tbh. now i’m just imagining reader, toru & gumi waking sugu up on mother’s day to celebrate LMAOO they made a cake and everything….. he’s exasperated but secretly very touched :’3 maybe tears up a lil later when he’s looking at the world’s best mommy <3 cup u guys bought him LOL he’s such a sap …..

AND ARIIIII the merman sugu asks you’ve been getting have actually been making me laugh my ass off everytimeeeee 😭😭 sugu flopping around like a seal and hating all humans except reader is so fucking funny to me like he’s just straight up dissing the human race but just looks you dead in the eyes and says “but you’re one of the good ones” GOODBYEEEEE 💀💀💀

PHDJDJJD NO BECAUSE SAMEEEE i still have a couple more mer!sugu asks to get to actually… they’re all so great…… my anons have converted me fully into a mer!sugu stan and now i can’t stop thinking abt him 😭😭 HE’S SOOOO FUNNY U GET IT COMPLETELY LIKE …. he’s just a grumpy little seal man ……. ”you’re one of the good ones” NO BC LITERALLY!! THAT’S HOW HE FEELS…… reader is his emotional support human <33 he doesn’t like anyone else and WILL consider drowning anyone who gives them trouble but then reader gives him a Look and he’s like. sigh. 😒😒😒 you’re no fun. <-… he’s insane actually BUT WE LOVE HIM <33333 silly lil fishy !!

WAHHH URE SO SWEET OLLIE 😭😭🥺🥺 thank u for the flowers and sugu’s pancakes…….. i am munching on them gratefully…… here are some nice sunflowers 🌻🌻🌻 and croissants 🥐🥐🥐 for u <333 I’M DOING WELLL trying to catch up on asks + cooking up a lil sashisu/reader thingie.. 👀👀 i haven’t been able to post fics as regularly bc of uni but hopefully i can get it out by next weekend :33 and thennnn i think i’ll focus on mer!sugu…

ANYWAY WHAT ABT U ???? how have u been ?? tell me tell me 🎤🎤…… i hope it’s sunny wherever u are, here it’s still cold n gray T—T but spring will be with us soon … stay strong …….

[haarute]

personal

it happened again. once more, i was left alone and forgotten. and you'd think that after the millionth time i would get used to it or it would at least hurt a little less, but the truth is that i always want to rip my heart out of my chest. and that's just the endless circle of my life, isn't it? i try to get closer to another human being, i open up, and they leave the moment i do. forcing me to hate myself for ever trying, so i decide to distance myself and reinforce my mask of a performance i call a personality, since that's the only thing that seems to work for even a little bit of time. i leave and stop trying to reach out to anyone while i work on crafting this new "self" into something people can actually Like this time. and hey! it kind of works! maybe it takes years but eventually someone kinda thinks i'm cool and likes me a little bit!

but the issue is that of course, that isn't really "me". my real person is desperate, anxious, lonely, and scared. i can try to be funny and make light of every single item in my infinite list of issues and presenting them as jokes because that seems to be the only way i can scream for help, but no one ever sees past that. and that's fine! that's on me! i am deliberately hiding, so what else could i expect!

but the ticking bomb that is friendship with yours truly is that i will inevitably open up to you and you will get to see how much of a mess i actually am, leading to... leaving. because it seems like, once again, i cared too much about someone who did not care enough about me. or maybe they did, but they did not sign up for "work" when talking to me; i should've been "play" instead. and that's on me for fake advertising i suppose, but it doesn't make me feel any better. and i guess that's because i would have gone the extra mile to care and help that other person, because if anyone ever gets to see that version of me, it means that they truly do matter a ton to me. more than they could possibly imagine. but i guess what hurts is that this is a sign that the feeling wasn't mutual. there was a level of sacrifice i wasn't worth paying, and i know this is selfish of me to say, but that makes me really sad.

and i know this sounds like a sad incel type post so let me be clear this isn't even about a romantic relationship of any kind. i just... want someone i can be close to. desperately. and i had that once, maybe like 15 years ago. ever since then i've been flip-flopping in-between absolute despair, self-loathing and isolation over losing that bond, and inevitably sniffing enough copium to give myself hope that i might be able to meet someone again who i can matter to, only to be slapped in the face and be reminded that i am, in fact, not a likeable person. i've never been. nobody has ever stayed. the only people that did are people who don't take me seriously. i am not a person. i am a role. i am a thing.

and i'm tired. i'm sad. i don't know what to do. i want to give up completely but i know myself and i know that if i do that will just end up in suicide. so holding onto hope it is! but! it! hurts! A LOT!

i'm tired of trying. i'm tired of having someone feel excited to talk to me only for them to just ignore and block me because they realize i wasn't a cartoon clown but instead a very needy loser because i'm a real person with real feelings, but that not anything anyone wants to be around contrary to what they or anyone might say. and i'm so, so tired.

and i do want to say that if you read this, thank you. for at least caring enough for like, maybe the past minute of your life. that means a lot. thank you so much. i hope you have a nice day.

[swordsandholly]

PLEASE IGNORE IF YOU ARE NOT IN A GOOD HEADSPACE TO ANSWER OR IF INAPPROPRIATE (some musings about growing up fat).

Hello. I am currently nearing my mid 20's and still have a hard time making peace with how my body looks. I've been bullied because of it for all my life, both from schoolmates years back and even family. Over time, I realize it became a constant part of me, and even my inner voice now mimics the same sentiments when I look into reflective surfaces.

Sometimes, I thought I was getting better, that I am coming to terms with how I am, but it's always a fleeting thing, and one comment about my looks or a simple bad day takes me back to square one. Because of this, I've let a lot of opportunities pass me by, deem myself unworthy of things that I think I do not deserve just because I'm fat, and it's taking a huge chunk out of me.

My question is, is there a way how to cope with this? Does it really get better? Would I really get better? It's getting tiring most times, to live in a body that you hate and hates you.

I'm sorry for dumping all this in your ask, and I'd completely understand if you ignore it. You're just one of the people I look up to in this app, and your works have sparked the idea to me that I, a fat person, can be loveable too. And thank you so much for that.

Tw for ED mention (I won’t be graphic) and fat phobia

Hi! Sorry for the long answer, I don’t know if this is helpful this is just my experience.

So, to start with, I totally get the external voices becoming internal. My mother cannot handle the fact that I’m fat and always have been (I was literally a 10lb baby). Growing up she was very cruel about it and essentially taught me anorexia starting around age 8. It can be really hard to push those voices away but you have to keep reminding yourself they are external. They are not you - they are other people with their own issues and hang ups. Easier said than done ik but it’s good to keep in mind.

I would say it’s super important to get rid of the idea that your body hates you. It doesn’t - it’s just doing it’s best to keep you alive. That’s it’s only goal. Something that has helped me is separating my body from myself and making it just something I take care of. Like a plant. I feed and water it and let it do it’s thing.

It’s always going to be a flip flopping battle. Some days will always be bad. I think the best goal is neutrality. When I stopped trying to force myself to love my body and sought neutrality I made so much more progress. Now I’ve come to mostly love my body as it is, but learning to be neutral to it first really was the thing that got the ball rolling in a positive direction.

Some steps that helped me a lot were only following plus size fashion vloggers/influencers. Especially if you can find people with the same body type as you. Another was simply not looking in mirrors too much. I’d get stuck staring at my reflection and just only looking in passing for a while helped a lot.

I hope this helps. It makes me really happy that you find solace in my works - that’s a big part of why I started writing them for myself! Us fat babes are hot and I stand by that whether or not everyone sees it🫶

[jonimitchellstan212]

Okay so I just listened to Kublai Khan TX and Black Dahlia Murder tonight for the first time (both their newest albums, Exhibition of Prowess and Servitude respectively) and I’ve got a lot of thoughts. This is a long ass post sry in advance

So first, Kublai Khan.

First I want to start off by saying this is not hate. Super strong start I know lol but I’m not really a fan and want to talk about why but want to be clear I think anyone can listen to whatever they want I dont give a fuck. Anyways. Disclaimer aside, I feel like I understand why some people critique Metalcore. When I first heard that people didn’t like how often Metalcore did breakdowns, and all these other critiques, my immediate instinct was that that was most likely a small portion of Metal Purists or whatever they are called. You know, overly critical douchebags. Not my people. But listening to the album, it definitely felt like it was made to be heavy, as like, the main goal. It never really let up on the intensity and just felt so serious throughout that it took me out of it almost immediately, and I was reminded of what Serj Tankian said about making music. He has said how he likes to mix in ridiculous stuff, make it funny, since then the heavy is so much heavier, and I feel like without that, it almost cancels itself out. I’m not saying I need all of my metal music to have a guy in the background yelling

Can’t See I My

You That Love Cock

All of the time, but at the same time I need something that dials down the intensity. I can be in my kitchen with a Stank Face headbanging while singing “Peter’s pecker picked another pickle bearing pussy pepper” and be like shit this is so good holy shit (I have done this while making rice wraps and didn’t feel silly at all), yet while listening to Kublai Khan the most I really did was a kind of hip sway shuffle and spent most of the album flip flopping between “am I just desensitized this is really loud and grungy all of the comments are telling me this is crazy” and “I must not be a real metal head because this does nothing for me” (with a few exceptions I liked a couple songs a little bit).

This isn’t to say I dislike all Metalcore. I haven’t listened to hardly any so I don’t know if this is going to be a whole genre thing that doesn’t really vibe with me or if I just didn’t like this band. I’m curious if other people feel the same way? If that is why people dislike Metalcore or don’t really go for it? I listened to Poppy’s album Negative Spaces a while back and it is easily one of my favorite albums of all time. I actually bought the CD which I rarely do, and genuinely think it’s one of the best albums I’ve ever heard. I love everything about it and think she did an amazing job balancing the heavy and the chiller stuff, mixing genres, etc. It’s very difficult to make that balance, and I’ve definitely noticed some albums have a slow song or two that feels like it comes out of no where and leaves you antsy until the next energetic song, but that didn’t happen with Poppy. I’m getting away from the point here tho but I love her. It’s important to me that people know this. Anyways so sorry back on track.

So Kublai Khan, not my thing, moving on to Black Dahlia

So I gave myself a minute to decompress but never actually got my fix since I was too busy accusing myself of not being a good metalhead (I have problems I know I’m in therapy) and then hopped right into Servitude. I never really know what album to start with, and know now from the comments that this is the first album with a new singer (if I got that right) so maybe not the most accurate portrayal of the band overall but the fans seemed to think he was just as good and kept the vibes good. Anyways that’s not what we’re here for but if you want someone who stays on track you should probably

To get back to it, this album reminded me why I love metal. In the music videos you could see it, but just listening you could feel that the band loves what they do and makes having fun a priority. So continuing with the theme, they don’t take themselves nearly as seriously. The snort I snorted when Brian? Turned around in a Party City or spirit Pharoh costume on was the highlight of my night honestly. The music was heavy with beautiful riffs, and the interlude and more acoustic moments were a lovely addition. I didn’t really expect those bits since I don’t associate that with Death Metal (more symphonic or folk which is typically where I like to stay) so it was a very pleasant suprise.

So anyways, ridiculously long post but it all boils down to me saying I think metal that doesn’t take itself so seriously is the best kind (and typically the heaviest at least in my experience) and I’m curious how other people view it. Do you also seek out people who are just having a good time or do you go more for I’m looking for something HEAVY AND BY GOD I WILL GET IT!!! I certainly have in the past and actually have a playlist just for that purpose when I’m looking for energy over enjoyment. I feel like the way I’m writing that makes me sound a bit like an ass lol I really mean no hate it just comes off that way especially typed out😭

If you read all of this🖤☺️🖤

[your-divine-ribs]

I’m With the Band Part 25

Words: 2.3k

I’m With the Band Masterlist Main Masterlist

Before I've stepped too far away a thought occurs to me and I quickly dart back into my room, smiling to myself at Van's fleeting look off dismay which evaporates as soon I emerge with my phone in hand, urging him to lead the way.

He does, back to the master bedroom where I steal a glance at his bed as I cross the threshold, memories sparking in me of what I was doing there with him just last night. My cheeks immediately tinge pink as I recall how easily he'd coaxed a climax from me, and the fact that just a few hours later I'd led Sam back to my room for more of the same. It certainly wasn't the first time that I'd seduced two guys in the same evening and usually I'd be glowing with a smug kind of satisfaction, but Sam's hurt and angry face keeps appearing in my mind, an unwelcome reminder of how every action causes a reaction... and not always in a good way.

I excuse myself under the pretence of using the bathroom and perch on the side of the tub, opening up my phone, my heart sinking when I see a ridiculous number of missed calls and texts on the screen. A quick scroll through shows none from Portia since her texts from earlier last night but plenty from my other so-called 'friends' and assorted hangers-on who I'm sure are only too eager to ingratiate themselves to me now they think I'm probably part of Sam's inner circle.

I ignore them, scrolling down the list and bringing up Portia's contact, placing the call and anxiously listening to it ring and ring, the answerphone eventually picking up. I try again and again, even persisting when it's quite obvious that Portia is either asleep or still partying or blatantly ignoring me, only giving up when I hear a gentle rap on the door and Van's tentative voice asking if I'm okay.

"Yeah, I'll just be a sec!" I call out, before I'm dropping my voice down low as Portia's answerphone picks up yet again, hissing my words out in hushed, clipped tones.

"Portia! What the fuck d'ya think you're playing at? I've got the whole bloody world trying to get hold of me and Sam Fender hates my guts! Take those photos down... please! And call me when you get this."

I flick my phone on to silent just as I see my friend Dominic's cocky grinning face pop up on the screen as he tries to connect to me through FaceTime. It's the first time he's tried to call me since I've been away. In fact it's the first time any of the others have. Well fuck him and the rest of the London gang!

I swallow down the bitter feeling that's clawing its way up my throat, pushing back through into the room and flopping down on to Van's bed face first with a deep groan. A moment later I feel the bed dip down under his weight as he climbs on, then I feel a large warm hand on my back, soothing touches moving down across my shoulder blades.

"C'mon Bella, it ain't that bad... you'll see. It'll all blow over soon enough. Things like this always do. They'll be gossiping about somebody else in a few days."

Jeez, I wish I had Van's optimism. He's always been like this, not dwelling on the bad stuff, trying to cheer people up when they're down. Even though he used to tease me relentlessly during my childhood summers he also made it his mission to try and make me laugh, cracking a daft joke or pulling a ridiculous face or tickling me until I begged for mercy. He usually succeeded as well, much as I tried to hide it and act aloof. Maybe I just need to switch off for a while and indulge in a bit of his laidback goofiness.

I turn my face to the side, peering up at him. "Did you really do it?"

"Huh?"

I let the smile surface, hoisting myself up and reaching for a huge over-sized pillow, fluffing it up before placing it against the headboard and leaning back against it. "Did you really leak your own nudes? Think you're making up tall tales again!"

I watch the grin spreading slow on his lips as he repeats my actions, coming to a rest next to me on the bed, legs outstretched, slotted tightly into my side.

"Why d'ya ask? Wanna see 'em?"

I narrow my eyes playfully at him. "No! Of course not. I have standards. Anyway, I think you're talking crap."

He chuckles lowly, his eyes glowing with mischief. "Definitely not crap," he says. "Y'can ask Larry if ya like. Sent 'em to NME didn't I?"

Now I'm really confused. "Why the hell would you do that you weirdo?"

"They gave the band a shit review," he grins, mightily pleased with his antics. "So I posted 'em a pic of me completely starkers and said 'review this!'"

I'm stunned for a moment, the laugh bubbling up inside me but held hostage whilst I try to work out whether Van's winding me up or not. He certainly looks serious enough, and it's the kind of outrageous thing he'd do with his exhibitionist tendencies.

"Well?" I enquire.

"Well... what?"

"Well did they... review it?"

"Nah," he shrugs. "Thought they might print it or something but I didn't hear from 'em after that."

I let the laugh burst free then, letting my bare leg nudge Van's as I tilt my head towards him. "I'm not surprised! The person viewing a photo of your pasty white naked ass probably dropped dead of fright with a heart attack!"

"Cheeky fucker!" He fires back, darting a hand out to grab one of mine, entwining his fingers tightly through mine. "You know you'd better watch yourself or yer gonna get into trouble!"

He shifts into a kneeling position, catching my other hand and trapping it too, pushing it back against the headboard.

"Oh yeah, whatcha gonna do about it?" I tease, flexing my wrists but finding that I can't move them at all. The bastard's got me trapped. He looms over me, sly smile spreading.

"Well... I reckon I could do whatever I wanted right now, and there's not a lot you could do about it..."

Fuck... my pulse starts to race.

"I'm stronger than I look!" I warn him. "In fact if I wanted to I could get up right now and kick your boney ass!"

Van chuckles, leaning even closer, our faces now only inches apart. "I'd like to see you try! I'd say you were pretty much helpless right now."

He's peering down on me with an intensity that's making my heart hammer in my chest. My eyes dart down to his lips just in time to see his tongue dart out to swipe over his plump lower lip, moistening it. One of his knees slides between my thighs, parting them. I let him, trying to concentrate on my breathing so Van can't hear the way it's catching in my throat.

"I'm just biding my time, lulling you into a false sense of security," I smirk up at him. "Any minute now I'm gonna spring into action and you're gonna realise you picked on the wrong girl this time!"

The air between us both is thick with tension as he hovers there, his hair hanging down around us both, his necklace dangling in the space between us. I watch him carefully, see his smile fade, his gaze flicking between mine and my lips. I swallow hard, waiting... then his face suddenly creases into a frown as he pushes himself up and away, releasing me.

"Maybe I did... maybe I did pick the wrong girl."

What?

"What's that supposed to mean?" I quickly scrabble up to pull myself into a sitting position, my heart sinking as the atmosphere switches from heady and playful to serious and taut within a split second.

"Nothing," Van mutters and I watch as he gets to his feet and crosses over to the far side of the room, stooping to pick up the acoustic guitar that's propped up there.

"Van..." I begin but he doesn't let me finish, turning to face me and cutting me off, his next words shocking me.

"Fender... you must really like him, huh? With how upset you've been about all of this..."

I open my mouth to reply but I falter. I knew Van was jealous of Sam, that much was obvious right from the start, but I'd thought it was just some ridiculous laddish oneupmanship on Van's part, his arrogant streak shining through as he competed to see who would be the first to bed me. Now I'm wondering if there's more to it, that maybe there was some truth in Larry's earlier revelation. It throws me, and I'm still floundering when I mumble out a reply.

"I... errr... I guess... I mean, I don't know really," I finally admit. "I hardly even know the guy. He seems nice enough, but I only met him tonight..."

Van doesn't say anything, just huffs quietly under his breath and for some reason this unexpectedly cuts me deep. I suddenly feel uncharacteristically guilty for my fickle actions, feeling the need to explain myself.

"It was just the whole party atmosphere, I was drunk, we were having such a laugh... it just... kinda happened..."

"You don't have to explain yourself to me," he says stonily. "It's a free country."

"I know... I know... I was just..." I trail off, unsure what to say next. Van breaks eye contact, sighing loudly, glancing at the clock on the bedside cabinet.

"Aren't you tired anyway? It's not even 6am yet. You should try and get some more sleep."

"But I can't sleep, that's the whole point of me coming back to your room... remember?"

He just looks back at me for a moment and I feel uncomfortable under his scrutinising stare. I'm expecting him to come out with something profound the way he's looking at me but then the moment seems to pass. He looks down quickly, pulling his shoulders into a small shrug. "Well, you should try anyway. Tour starts up in a few days. You won't get a lot then. Sure there'll be plenty to keep you occupied."

There's no mistaking the inference in his words and it stings unexpectedly. I ignore it, plastering on a forced smile, trying to resist the sudden urge I have to push myself up off the bed and go to him, wrapping my arms around him and burying my face into his neck. "That's just what Bondy said... about not getting much sleep."

"Yeah, well he's right... anyway I'm... errr... just going out for a smoke."

I consider calling him back but I don't. I just watch him go as he turns, still grasping his guitar with one hand as he pulls open the sliding door with the other, stepping out on to the small self-contained balcony. A strange, sad kind of melancholy settles itself over me and it's unsettling. I sigh to myself, reaching down to pull the bedsheets up as I sink myself down into Van's bed. Maybe he's right. Maybe I should just try and get some more sleep. I'm drunk and I'm tired, my poor frazzled brain now so overwrought and confused that it's actually trying to convince me that I have feelings developing for Van!

Feelings! For Van! Absolutely fucking ridiculous!

No... it's just been a crazy evening and I need to rest and besides, I'm pretty sure I'll have even more crap to deal with when the rest of the world finally awakens and catches up.

I stare up at the ceiling for a bit, ears pricking as I hear the faint twang of a familiar melody that I can't place drifting through the balcony door. It feels strange lying here in Van's bed whilst he's out there, and I wonder what he's thinking about.

Maybe I did pick the wrong girl...

My insides twist as I try to fight the hurt those few simple words incur in me. Van's right. I am wrong… wrong for him, wrong for Sam, wrong for any guy stupid enough to let their guard down around me. I'm so caught up in having a good time I don't stop to consider consequences, and boy have I got consequences to deal with after tonight.

I screw my eyes shut tight, rolling over on to my side and pressing my face into the pillow, hating this new-found critical introspection that's so unfamiliar to me. It's so alien that I don't know quite what to do with it, so I treat it like I usually do with any other problem that I encounter along the way. I shut it down, boxing it up, pushing it away, drowning it out as I try to bring other thoughts into my head. Thoughts of the upcoming tour, flirting with the boys, meeting new and exciting people, just letting loose and doing what I do best... having fun...being a good-time girl... no worries... no guilt... and definitely no regrets...

And if I break a few hearts along the way then I must be doing something right, hey? That's what Portia would say...

I'm resolute as I sink down even further into the soft, sumptuous pillow, finally feeling a little of the night's tension starting to dissipate. Much as I realise I'd been trying to fight it, I am tired, and not just tired. Exhausted. Sleep wafts enticingly behind the comforting blackness behind my eyelids and soon I can feel myself start to drift, lulled by the enchanting melody I can just make out from the open doorway.

I'm not even sure if I'm dreaming when I hear Van's voice start to softly sing, faraway and dreamlike in its quality.

Arabella's got a seventies head

But she's a modern lover

It's an exploration, she's made of outer space

And her lips are like the galaxy's edge

And her kiss the colour of a constellation falling into place...