#I hate how slowly I workđ
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AUS I desperately want to write/read:
Grease
Romeo and Juliet
Phantom of the Opera
Bladerunner
Carmilla/Jenniferâs Body/Buffy
Sailor Moon (Tuxedo mask Daniel my love)
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
Priest x Succubus
Pride and prejudice
Dirty Dancing (or just a dance au.)
Au where theyâre overall evil.
Ones in progress not including the less specific wips:
I dream of Jeannie
Scream (I need to make the reverse oneđŤ )
Red riding hood (has been in progress for what has felt like two years and might beđ)
Will probably end up adding more.
#Au holder#This is just to actually get them on something#I hate how slowly I workđ#Obviously if itâs lawrusso then Daniel is the prince/suitor of the story to me but if itâs Johnny and a cobra. the roles could switch upđ¤#Priest Johnny and demon Cobras? helloooo#Johnny teaching a dude to dance in his skimpy little beach babe shorts? yeah boyyy
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Ep 6!!!
#Biggest take away from the episode: @fandom Dazai can't be Atsushi's father figure if he himself says Atsushi's father figure is theâ#headmaster check your facts#Second biggest take away from the episode: the worst thing the headmaster transmitted Atsushi ought to be the terrible haircut choices#Mmmmhhh I could spend another whole tag rant to talk about how much I dislike the writing of Lucy in this episode đđđ#But I worry I'll start being perceived as someone who hates women if I do so I won't.#(But let me just say. I really really *really* despite the âwhat women [alien and mysterious beings] want is hard to understand andâ#impossible to decipher and more often than not they will say the exact opposite of what they meanâ stereotype.#Like I hate it to an intimate extent.)#I quite like Kyouka's backstory!! I feel like she's the most fleshed out female character with a compelling character arc and personality.#I really like her. Lucy and Atsushi working as make-do parents (very largerly intended. More like siblings who are dating but that soundsâ#even worse) was very cute. And I appreciate how the events seemed to set off Atsushi's own reflection on parenthood.#The same doesn't happen in the manga since the chapters are placed in a different order.#Overall this is just an episode that when I was reading the manga for the first time solidified my understanding that me and b/sd have#RADICALLY different views on the world. But now that after three years and having long come to terms with it.#I suppose it's just something that's there.#Ususal notes about the animation just for talks. The lack of budget really shows this episode and in the second half in particular.#It's especially noticeable in backgrounds that are just... Not the stunning backgrounds that usually make b/sd's anime strong point.#So in turn the lack of details comes off as twice as evident as it normally would :/#The whole Atsushi / Tanizaki exchange at the start of the chapter until the headmaster's identity is revealed is completely devoidâ#of host which has me just?? What happened here??? A track slowly building up tension is an almost automatic choice I'm just like.#What happened. If it was a deliberate choice it was a very bad one in my humble opinion#On a more positive note I really like whoever drew the characters âbackground appearenceâ this episode eheh#(you knowâ the more stylized one when they're not on close up)#And the drawings at the end of the episode daz/atsu twilight scene were good. Kyouka's flashback was also good.#That's it :)#random rambles#Oh yeah rip chapter 39 ss/kk scene ig :///
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The way this has literally applied to every member of the batfam at some point and still does for most of them el oh el
#only difference is patrol during the day#and âoracle wannabe friendsâ#which a lot of batfam members have always had contacts and info brokers outside the oracle#but also woooow Duke doesnât trust the cop or his daughter đ¨#which I donât want Duke having cop contacts at all but maybe thatâs too black of me#like all the batfam members were teammates/mentees to Batman#even Steph whoâs not rlly part of it is still included when u say batfam and seen as a main member#when tims parents were alive he was absolutely still batfam#and no that abandonment shit was made up#and even tho he patrols at day he very much still shows up for a bunch of night shit bc dc doesnât wanna explore day Gotham lmaoooo#anyways maybe Iâm terrible but I always thought smth terrible Is supposed to happen to Jay to fuel his story#SORRDY when I look at Jay all I see is anime mom with the side ponytail#It didnât occur to me that maybe they just wanna slowly phase Duke out till someone on here said it đ#uhm the fic is good tho no hate#like this authors note bothers me bc it exemplifies the double standards between Duke and literally everyone else#and how the issue of everyone being well established and years into their journey with Batman#is never taken into consideration. like Duke has been working with Bruce for awhile but heâs not at the yelling fights fuck u dad Iâm runnin#away point yet lmaooo itâs just been 2-3 years yall#bc nobody wants to fucking write for him but I digress#anyways I do appreciate the fic again no hate#just nobody said this when tim was first starting out el oh el
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btw the estimated time was wrong but only by half. it took 2.5 hours for that stuff to get onto the flashdrive lol
#AND THE SMPE ONE DIDNT EVEN WORK BC I FORGOT IT'S WEIRD-#slowly but surely i am getting my game back together. then it's time to start porting other stuff over but with less urgency lol#this is something i *use* but most of the other stuff is stuff i Save. so i dont need it right now#most of the programs i already reinstalled and they dont have data to copy over#i dread grabbing all my iphone backups i hate to think how many gigabytes that is#i dont even think my tumblr archive will fit on the flashdrive đ i'll just make a new one from scratch#have to drag my twitter backup over here tho bc i deleted my main lmao#switch backups................ i might just delete them tbh i am never getting back in those things#iphone backups have priceless photos with family. switch backups has recording of super mario world glitch number 5893745869#i dont need those........ i havent opened them up since i saved them#digital hoarder đ#chat
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//
#I hate my job holy shit đđđđ#if I say anything to my sister itâs all ââwElL mY job is HARDER so yOu CaNt CoMpLaInââ#and itâs like yeah your job is harder!#mine just sucks and is slowly grinding away my joy#I hate hate hate this manager so fucking much#I hate that sheâs incompetent I hate that she doesnât understand how grammar works#I hate that she doesnât know how the fuck to give feedback#I am so so close to being like BTW in the future pls give your feedback at the START before weâve gone thru 17 iterations and have a present#*presentation today bc much of this is ENTIRELY NEW to the fucking project or just flat out wrong#ughhhhhhhh christ#personal#I hate hate hate starting my week#with like shitty miserable Sunday rehearsal#and then getting up to work on Monday and just dreading the entire fucking work week#it sucks! so much!!
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I shouldn't be either because I literally failed english time after time (in my defense, it was MOSTLY the school's fault), but this is GENUINELY the best advice you can take for writing a story, if I could show you my planning doc for WAS, you'd see how it's just barely scrapping by as organized, I've got like 5 or 6 conversations/scenes that are supposed to occur later in the story almost completely written out.
Even if its bad, that's THE POINT. ITS SUPPOSED TO BE BAD, IT HAS TO BE BAD TO EVENTUALLY BE GOOD, write it down, and go back to it later when you can, going back to my planning doc, I have some scene concepts written out roughly, is it bad? absolutely, does it matter? no, why? Because at least I know what I was talking about and can fix it later when I can.
here's a note that i keep on my phone on my home page at all times with just, ideas, concepts that I wanna make into a scene or conversation (scribbled out, but you get the point, also don't worry about the thing at the top of the first ss LMFAOOO)
With ADHD, it's a constant onslaught of ideas, I have groups of tabs on Google that I've saved with songs that I wanna use for scene ideas, even if it's just a song, and you write the lyric that you wanna base the scene off of down and expand later, it's better than NOT. WRITING. THE IDEA. DOWN. I'm sure I'm not preaching anything new by all means, I just say this to continue to encourage people to write the ideas that they have down, I write my ideas down pretty much anywhere I am, in the store grabbing groceries and I got an idea for my story? Write a basic note of the concept I'm thinking of. in my bed about to fall asleep and I just had an idea for a new sim? writing it down RIGHT NOW. wherever you are when you get your idea, WRITE IT DOWN (unless your actively driving... please wait til you park to write it down đ).
and going off topic for a second, but if your idea doesn't make it to the cut/another idea takes the place of the previous idea, THATS COMPLETELY FINE!! It happens SO often, it's incredibly prevalent in song writing, just look up unreleased song lyrics vs released song lyrics, they often end up being completely different. When I was gonna start NSB back up, my idea for the first post after the recap was to have Cataleya cleaning around the house and yelling at Calico, that NEVER happened, and that's okay!!! I love what came out instead, and it gave me an opportunity to start doing something I never really realized I was passionate in doing which is making gifs out of scenes.
I rlly shouldnât be sharing writing advice, bc Iâm by no means an expert on it, but if I were to recommended anything, write shit down as you think about it.
My best ideas come to me at the most random moments, so I use my phone a lot, but writing things down as immediately as possible has absolutely improved my productivity. Even if itâs just a sentence, even if itâs rough as fuck, or doesnât entirely make sense, write it anyway, youâll thank yourself later.
#i literally cannot stress that enough#WRITE IT DOWNNN RGRHRHEH đ#who CARES if its bad#as someone who hates making and releasing stuff thats bad i encourage you to throw that mindset AWAY#first of all nobodys gonna see the notes you write unless you WILLINGLY release them#and second of all the final product will not be indicative of how ALL your work comes out#you will improve and it will get better#dont be afraid to experiment with new ideas!!!! i do that as much as possible bc it helps me grow!#also dont be afraid to ask for help my irl friend literally carries my writing in some posts#sorry this is slowly becoming off topic BUT YOU GET THE POINT!#rb
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"Did the love affair maim you too?"
Joel miller x f!reader
next part
Summary: Joel doesn't like you until he loses all his memories.
w.c: 14k> (longest piece I've written and my eyes are dry)
warnings: fluff, mention of amnesia, memory loss, ANGST and angst, and more angst because I love angst. There is smut but you already know I'm bad at writing that. No proof reading, I'm lazy, sorry.
a/n: hello! I got inspired by this "memory loss" type of story. It was supposed to be a one shoot, but I had to split the whole thing so another part is more likely to happen. I know there has been some drama surrounding writers and I want to say that every single person who writes and makes an art with that is amazing! Everyone who is reading this, please give creators here your flowers. With that being said, Happy reading or not đđ Reblogs and comments are always appreciated. (come on, talk to me)
dividers by @saradika-graphics
Joel didn't used to hate women, but man, when he met you for the first time, you crawled under his skin. He had fun with you, making jokes, trying to get on your nerves. For his hell, everyone in Jackson loved you; after all, you were the nurse and the sweetheart. Always looking after everyone, always being sweet to everyone.
It was a sunny afternoon when you first arrived in Jackson, your kind demeanor and skilled hands quickly gaining the trust and admiration of the townsfolk. Joel watched from a distance with his arms crossed and a scowl on his face. He couldn't understand why everyone was so taken with you. To him, you seemed too soft, too gentle for the brutal world they lived in.
"Hey, Joel," Tommy called out one day, pulling Joel from his brooding thoughts. "We're heading out on patrol. You should meet the new nurse. She's something else."
Joel grunted in response, not bothering to hide his disinterest. He didn't need to meet you to know what kind of person you were. In his mind, you were just another naive newcomer who wouldn't last a week.
But fate had other plans. That very evening, a group of raiders attacked the outer perimeter. The town was thrown into chaos, and Joel found himself side by side with you, defending the walls. He couldn't help but notice your bravery and the way you handled yourself under pressure.
After the attack, as the town counted its injuries and losses, you worked tirelessly, tending to the wounded. Joel watched you, his irritation growing as he saw the way everyone fawned over you, thanking you for your care.
"Think you're some kind of hero, huh?" Joel muttered as he approached you, his voice laced with sarcasm.
You looked up at him, exhaustion evident in your eyes, but you offered a small, tired smile. "Just doing my job, Joel."
"Your job?" Joel scoffed. "You think patching up a few cuts and bruises is going to keep these people safe? This world doesn't care how sweet you are."
You met his gaze, unwavering. "And what would you have me do, Joel? Let them suffer? We're all trying to survive here, and we all have our roles to play."
Joel huffed and walked away, but your words lingered in his mind. Despite himself, he couldn't deny that you were right. Over the following weeks, Joel continued to watch you, his annoyance slowly giving way to a grudging respect. He noticed how you never backed down, how you always stood your ground, even when faced with his relentless jabs.
One day, during a particularly harsh winter storm, you and Joel were sent out on a supply run. The weather was brutal, and the path was treacherous. As the wind howled around you, Joel found himself instinctively moving closer, his protective instincts kicking in despite his irritation.
"Watch your step," he warned, his voice gruff.
You nodded, shivering against the cold. "Thanks, Joel."
As you both trudged forward, the wind picked up, and visibility dropped to almost nothing. You focused on placing one foot in front of the other, barely able to see Joel a few steps ahead. Suddenly, you heard a sharp crack and a thud.
"Joel!" you shouted, fear gripping your heart.
Rushing forward, you found Joel lying on the ground, unconscious, blood trickling from a gash on his forehead. He must have slipped on the ice and hit his head on a rock hidden beneath the snow.
Panic set in, but you forced yourself to stay calm. You needed to get him back to Jackson quickly. You checked his pulse, relieved to find it steady, then did your best to bandage the wound with the supplies you had. With great effort, you managed to lift Joel and drape him over your shoulder, carrying him back through the storm.
By the time you reached Jackson, you were exhausted and freezing, but you didn't stop until you got Joel to the infirmary. The doctors took over, treating his wound and monitoring his condition.
You sat by Joel's bedside, watching him closely. Hours passed, and eventually he began to stir. His eyes fluttered open, and he looked around, disoriented.
"Joel?" you said softly, leaning forward.
He turned his head to you, his brow furrowing in confusion. But then, a slow, almost lazy smile spread across his face. "Well, hello there, beautiful," he said, his voice low and smooth. "Did I die and wake up in heaven?"
You blink, taken aback by his words. "Uh, Joel, it's me. Do you remember what happened?"
Joel's smile didn't waver as he looked at you. "I remember everything... except meeting you before. Are you sure we haven't met in a dream?"
You glanced at Tommy, who had just walked into the room, and saw the same confusion mirrored on his face. "Joel," Tommy said cautiously, stepping closer, "do you know who I am?"
Joel's eyes shifted to Tommy, his smile fading into a look of mild frustration. "Of course I do, Tommy. You're my brother. But I'm more interested in getting to know this doll here."
Tommy exchanged bewildered looks with you. "Joel, this is⌠Ah. She's... well, you two never really got along."
Joel's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Really? Well, I must've been an idiot then because I can't imagine not liking someone like you."
Your heart raced, unsure how to respond to this flirtatious side of Joel, the same who hours ago was trying to crawl under your skin, the same one who had rejected you all this time. "Joel, you really don't remember me at all?"
Joel shook his head, still gazing at you with that same enamored look. "Not a thing. But I gotta say, I feel like I'm seeing you for the first time, and I like what I see."
Tommy scratched his head, clearly at a loss. "This is... something else. We need to figure out what happened to his memory."
You nodded, trying to process the sudden shift in Joel's demeanor. You knew the hit on the head did something to his memory, but you didnât know how to face it. "Joel, you hit your head pretty hard. The doctors said you might have some memory loss. Maybe this is part of it."
Joel reached out and gently took your hand, his touch sending a shiver down your spine. "Well, if forgetting the past means I get to start over with you, I think I can live with that."
You couldn't help but blush, feeling a mix of confusion and something else you couldn't quite place. Perhaps butterflies are flying all around inside your tummy. "We'll take it slow, okay? There's a lot you need to know."
Joel's grip on your hand tightened slightly, his eyes never leaving yours. "As long as you're the one teaching me, I'm all in."
Tommy coughed awkwardly, breaking the moment. "Alright, let's give Joel some time to rest and recover. We'll figure this out together."
You nodded, reluctantly pulling your hand away from Joel's. "Get some rest, Joel. We'll talk more later."
As you and Tommy left the room, you couldn't shake the feeling of Joel's gaze following you. Tommy put a reassuring hand on your shoulder. "We'll get to the bottom of this. Just... be careful. He's not the same Joel right now."
You nodded, your mind racing with the implications of Joel's memory loss and his sudden interest in you. The days ahead were sure to be challenging, but you couldn't deny the flicker of excitement at the thought of getting to know this new, more open version of Joel.
A version where he could get to know you and maybe, like, a new story waiting to be written with the both of you becoming friends, and not just acquaintances just having to tolerate each other for the communityâs sake.
The days following Joel's accident were a whirlwind of confusion and unexpected emotions dancing on your mind. Joel's flirtatious comments and affectionate demeanor were a stark contrast to the gruff, often combative man you had known before.
You had started to get used to feeling his nice demeanor towards you. You found yourself happier than before, smiling at the thought of him when you werenât with him, and he had become your last thought on your bed just before going to sleep, but you were aware his condition perhaps wasnât permanent and he was going to recover his memories of you, so you didnât want to take advantage of that, nor did you want to fall for Joel, not when the fear of him waking up one day and hating you as usual was a threat.
His recovery was slow but steady, and you spent a lot of time by his side, helping him piece together the fragments of his memory. Every interaction felt like walking on fire, with Joel's behavior making your heart flutter and your mind racing at thousand miles per hour.
As you were changing the bandage on his head, Joel watched you with a soft smile. "You know, you have the gentlest touch. It's like you're an angel sent to take care of me."
You blushed, avoiding his gaze. "I'm just doing my job, Joel. Making sure your pretty head heals properly."
Joel reached up and gently brushed a strand of hair behind your ear. "You're more than just a nurse to me now. I don't know what it is, but I feel this connection with you. Like we're meant to be."
You took a deep breath, trying to steady your emotions. "Joel, a few days ago I was nothing to you. You donât remember me, so please just focus on getting better."
Joel's expression softened; his eyes filled with earnestness. "I get it, but I can't help how I feel. This connectionâit's real to me, even if I don't remember our past."
You bit your lip, feeling a mix of frustration and affection. "Joel, you're vulnerable right now. Your mind is trying to make sense of everything, and it's confusing. We need to take things slow."
Joel nodded reluctantly, his hand lingering near your cheek before he pulled it back. "I trust you. Just know that I'm here, and I want to get to know you, past or no past."
You gave him a reassuring smile. "One step at a time, okay? Let's focus on getting you back on your feet first."
Just then, Tommy walked in, carrying a tray of food. He cleared his throat, causing you to step back from Joel. "Brought you some lunch, big brother. Howâre you feeling?"
Joel's eyes lit up at the sight of his brother. "Thanks, Tommy. I'm feeling better every day. And with this sunshine here, it's hard not to feel good."
Tommy gave you a knowing look, his concern evident. "Glad to hear it. Mind if I have a word with you outside?" he asked, looking towards you.
You nodded, feeling a mix of relief and anxiety. "Of course, Tommy."
As you stepped outside the room, Tommy closed the door behind you, his expression serious. "How are you holding up?"
You sighed, crossing your arms. "It's... complicated. Joel is so different now. He's kind, attentive, and he seems genuinely interested in me. But he doesn't remember our pastâhow much we clashed."
Tommy nodded, his face lined with concern. "I can see how that would be confusing. But you have to be careful. This might just be his way of coping with the memory loss. He's latching onto the one constant he has right nowâyou."
You looked down, feeling a lump form in your throat. "I know. I'm trying to keep my distance, but it's hard. He's... he's different, Tommy. And I can't deny that I'm starting to care for him."
Tommy placed a hand on your shoulder, his grip firm and reassuring. "I get it. But you need to remember that his memory might come back, and when it does, he could revert to the Joel we knew before. You have to protect yourself, too."
âAm I that unlovable?â you sighed.
Tommy's expression softened, and he shook his head. "No, you're not unlovable. Far from it. But the Joel we knew before... he had his walls up, and you know how stubborn he can be. If his memory comes back, he might go back to those old habits, those old defenses."
You nodded, feeling the weight of his words. "I understand. It's just... complicated."
Tommy gave your shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "Just take it slow. Don't rush into anything, and remember to take care of yourself too. You suffered a lot before arriving here."
You managed a small smile. "Thanks, Tommy. I needed that."
Tommy smiled back. "Anytime."
Returning to Joel's room, you found him sitting up, his eyes lighting up as you walked in. "Hey, everything okay?"
You nodded, forcing a smile. "Yeah, just had a chat with Tommy."
Joel's expression became thoughtful. "You know, I'm really grateful for everything you're doing for me. I can't imagine what it must be like, dealing with me like this."
You sat down beside him, taking a deep breath. "It's not easy, Joel, but it's worth it. You're worth it."
Joel reached out, taking your hand in his. "You know, even though I don't remember everything, I feel like I'm seeing you for the first time. And I like what I see."
Your heart raced, and you struggled to keep your emotions in check. "Joel, we need to take things slow. Focus on your recovery first."
Joel nodded, a small smile playing on his lips. "I understand. But I can't help how I feel."
He has repeated the same phrase as before, and you couldnât help but feel yourself diving into a deep ocean for him.
You squeezed his hand gently. "One step at a time, okay?"
Joel's eyes held a determined glint. "One step at a time."
The late afternoon sun cast long shadows across the Jackson settlement as you walked briskly toward the main gate, your medical bag slung over your shoulder. You spotted Joel waiting for you, his arms crossed and a scowl already etched on his face.
"You're late," he growled as you approached.
You rolled your eyes. "I'm five minutes late, Joel. I had to take care of a kid with a fever."
Joel grunted, clearly unimpressed. "We have a schedule for a reason. Being late puts us at risk."
"Don't lecture me about risk," you shot back, your patience wearing thin. "I know the dangers out there just as well as you do."
Joel's eyes narrowed. "Do you? Because sometimes it feels like you're too soft for this world. Always stopping to help every stray animal and sick kid."
"Excuse me for having a heart," you snapped. "Not everyone wants to live like a damn machine."
"Having a heart can get you killed," Joel retorted, his voice rising. "Out there, you need to be tough. Focused."
"And maybe if you lightened up a bit, people wouldn't be so scared of you," you shot back, your frustration boiling over.
Joel took a step closer, his jaw clenched. "I don't care if people are scared of me. I care about keeping them safe. And you, with your bleeding heart, make that harder."
You felt a surge of anger and hurt at his words. "You know what, Joel? Maybe the problem isn't me. Maybe it's you. Maybe you're so wrapped up in your own pain that you can't see anyone else's."
Joel's face darkened, a mix of anger and something elseâsomething like hurtâflashing in his eyes. "You don't know anything about my pain."
"And you don't know anything about mine," you replied, your voice trembling with emotion. "So maybe you should stop judging me and start seeing that we're all trying to survive in this hell together."
For a moment, the two of you stood there, the tension crackling between you like a live wire. Then Joel turned away, his shoulders stiff. "Let's just get this patrol over with."
You followed him out of the gate, your heart heavy with unresolved emotions. The silence between you was thick and uncomfortable, but neither spoke. The rift between you seemed insurmountable, and you couldn't see how things would ever change.
You woke up with a pain on your neck. You had fallen asleep on a chair next to Joelâs bed where he was now lay resting, his breathing even and steady. His recovery was going well, but the emotional landscape was far more complex and you wanted to take the risk to discover it. Â
You watched him for a moment, taking a mental picture of his face, the creases on his skin, how peaceful he looked like this. feeling the weight of uncertainty and guilt within you.
In that exact moment, Joel stirred, his eyes fluttering open. He looked around, his gaze settling on you with a warmth that made your heart skip a beat. "Hey, sunshine."
"Hey," you replied softly, mirroring his smile "How are you feeling?"
Joel stretched, wincing slightly but smiling nonetheless. "Better. Thanks to you."
You couldn't help but smile back, the tension easing a bit. "Just doing my job, Joel."
His eyes softened as he looked at you. "You're doing more than just your job. You've been taking care of me, looking out for me. I appreciate it."
You felt a warmth spread through you at his words. "It's what anyone would do."
Joel shook his head slightly. "No, not everyone. You're special, and I... I think Iâm starting to understand that."
You felt a flutter in your chest at his words, a mix of emotions swirling within you. "Joel, you don't need to say that. You're still recovering, and things are confusing right now."
Joel's gaze remained steady, his expression earnest. "I mean it. There's something about you... something that's been here all along, and I was too stubborn to see it."
Your heart ached with the weight of his words, knowing how complicated the situation was. "JoelâŚâ
âDid I care about you before?â he asked, gaze locked with yours.
You shook your head âNo. Not really.â
You shook your head, feeling the sting of the truth. âNo. Not really.â
Joel looked troubled, his brows knitting together. âI find that hard to believe. Because right now, I canât imagine not caring about you.â
You took a deep breath, trying to find the right words. âThings were different before, Joel. We didnât get along. You were... closed off, and I guess I was just someone who got under your skin.â
Joelâs expression softened with regret. âIâm sorry. For whatever I did to make you feel that way. I wish I could remember, but all I know is that right now, I see you, and I feel... connected.â
A memory from the past surged forward, vivid and painful. It was a cold evening in Jackson, just after a particularly difficult supply run. You and Joel had been at odds all day, and the tension between you was palpable.
"Why do you always have to be so damn difficult?" Joel snapped; his voice harsh as he slammed the door behind him.
You bristled at his tone, your own temper flaring. "Maybe because you treat me like Iâm incompetent! Iâm trying my best out there, Joel. Weâre supposed to be a team."
Joel scoffed, his eyes narrowing. "A team? Youâre a liability more than anything."
The words cut deep, but you stood your ground. "Thatâs not fair, and you know it. Iâm just trying to help, like everyone else."
Joelâs face twisted with frustration. "Help? You call what you do helping? Itâs a wonder anyone here can stand you."
The hurt was immediate and sharp, but you refused to let him see how much his words affected you. "At least Iâm trying to do something good. You just push everyone away."
Joel stepped closer, his expression dark. "Maybe thereâs a reason for that. I find it hard to believe anyone could actually love you."
The silence that followed was deafening. You stared at him, disbelief and pain warring within you. Without another word, you turned and left, unable to bear the weight of his cruelty.
Back in the present, you blinked, trying to dispel the memory. Joel was watching you closely, concern etched into his features. "Whatâs wrong?"
You forced a smile, though it didnât reach your eyes. "Just... remembering something."
Joel reached out, gently taking your hand. "I wish I could remember too. So, I could make it right."
You looked down at your joined hands, the warmth of his touch grounding you. "Maybe itâs better this way.
Joel squeezed your hand gently. "A fresh start sounds good. But I still want to know everything. About us, about what I did wrong. So, I can be better."
You nodded, taking the risk and pushing your luck.
You and Joel could become friends, right?
"You and I... we could become friends, right?" you asked.
Joelâs eyes softened even more, and he smiled. "Friends sounds like a good start. We can build from there."
You felt a surge of relief. "Friends it is, then."
The days passed, each one bringing closeness between you and Joel. He had got better, slowly starting to get back to his tasks. The community noticed the change in him, how he was more open and approachable. You often found yourselves working together, whether it was on supply runs or him visiting the infirmary when you were there working.
One afternoon, you were busy organizing medical supplies when Joel walked in, a smile spreading across his face as he saw you. "Hey, need any help in here?" he asked, leaning against the doorframe.
You looked up, smiling back. "Joel, what are you doing here? I thought you were out patrolling.â
Joel shrugged, stepping further into the room. "Finished early. Thought Iâd come by and see if you needed a hand."
He, in fact lied. He switched places with another guy just to spend time with you again. He could feel your fear irradiating but he wanted to get to know you better. He couldnât wrap his mind around the fact he didnât like someone like you and he wanted to change that. Â
You chuckled, shaking your head. " Sure, you can help me with these supplies. There are some boxes that need to be sorted."
Joel rolled up his sleeves and joined you, his presence filling the small room with a comforting warmth. As you worked side by side, you found yourself stealing glances at him, marveling at the changes in him. He was more relaxed, more open, and undeniably more attentive.
"You know," Joel said after a while, breaking the comfortable silence, "I think I like helping out here more than patrolling."
You raised an eyebrow, teasingly. "Oh? And why is that?"
Joel grinned, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "Because I get to spend more time with you."
You blushed, focusing intently on the box in front of you. "Youâre just saying that."
"No, I mean it," Joel replied, his tone sincere. "I like being around you. You make everything better."
You felt a warmth spread through you at his words, and you couldn't help but smile. "Well, I like having you around too."
The truth was that stealing glances at him now felt like interlocking fingers without even touching his skin, there wasnât precisely a sexual tension or possessiveness over him, but a warm incandescent glow within every time he smiled at you. That was something you hadnât felt in so long, and this time felt so right yet so wrong.
You both continued to work in comfortable silence, the rhythm of your tasks interrupted only by the occasional exchange of smiles or a shared joke. The closeness was undeniable, and you could feel the lines between friendship and something more starting to blur.
One afternoon, you were out on a supply run together, scanning the area for anything useful. The sun was setting, casting a golden hue over the landscape. As you bent down to pick up some supplies, Joel suddenly appeared by your side, his proximity making your heart race.
"Need a hand?" he asked, his voice low and warm.
You looked up at him, finding it hard to concentrate with him so close. "Sure, thanks."
As you both worked, the conversation flowed easily. Joel's presence was comforting, and you found yourself opening up to him in ways you hadn't before.
"You know, I never really thanked you properly," Joel said, his tone serious.
"For what?" you asked, genuinely curious.
"For saving my life. For being there for me when I needed it the most," Joel replied, his eyes meeting yours with a sincerity that made your heart ache.
You shook your head, a soft smile on your lips. "You donât need to thank me, Joel. I did what anyone would do."
"Not anyone," he insisted, his gaze intense. "You went above and beyond. You always do."
You blushed, the warmth spreading through you once again. "Well, I care about you. I canât help it."
Joel's expression softened, and he reached out, gently brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. "I care about you too. More than I ever thought possible."
The moment hung in the air, filled with unspoken words and emotions. You could feel the pull between you, the undeniable connection that had grown stronger with each passing day.
"Joel, this is complicated," you whispered, your voice trembling slightly. "We need to take things slow."
"I know," he replied, his hand lingering near your face. "But Iâm not going anywhere, but Iâm not going anywhere.â
Joel's feelings for you had grown stronger. He found himself being smitten and completely in love by you, by your beauty, your strength and your soft heart. You were everything that was good with this world. Where everything and everyone was people with shadows dying out of melancholy, you were an angel wrapping your warm arms around him, making his world brighter. He had learnt how to savor the colors again.
As you continued your days together, Joel couldn't help but find ways to be close to you. He would always volunteer to accompany you on supply runs, ensuring you were safe and cared for. He would show up at the infirmary with small gifts â a flower he found on his patrol, a cup of your favorite tea, or a book he thought you might like. His gestures were always thoughtful and sincere, each one a testament to the depth of his feelings.
Joel couldn't take his eyes off you. You were kneeling in the ground, your hands deftly cleaning something you had found, your face serene and focused. Joel felt a swell of emotion, unable to keep it to himself any longer.
"You know," he began, his voice gentle, "I used to think this world had nothing left to offer. But then I met you."
You looked up, your heart skipping a beat at the intensity in his gaze. "Joel..."
He knelt beside you, his hand covering yours. "You make everything better. You've brought light into my life, and I can't imagine going back to the way things were."
You felt a mixture of warmth and apprehension. His words were everything you wanted to hear, yet the uncertainty of the situation weighed heavily on your heart. "Joel, this is all so new and complicated. We need to be careful."
Joel's grip on your hand tightened slightly, his eyes full of determination. "I know it's complicated, and I know we've got a lot to figure out. But I can't ignore what I feel. I want to be here for you, with you, through everything."
You took a deep breath, feeling the weight of his words. "I want that too, Joel. But we need to take it one step at a time."
He nodded, a soft smile spreading across his face. "I will make you fall in love with me," he said, his voice full of determination and warmth.
You couldn't help but smile back, feeling a mix of hope and apprehension. "You're quite confident, aren't you?"
Joel chuckled, his eyes never leaving yours. "When it comes to you, I am."
You smiled, feeling a flutter in your chest at his words. "Let's get back to Jackson," you said, standing up and brushing off your clothes. Joel stood with you, offering a hand to help you up.
As you made your way back to Jackson, the conversation flowed easily. Joel told you stories from before the outbreak, sharing pieces of his past he hadnât opened up about before. You found yourself laughing at his anecdotes, feeling a growing sense of connection.
When you finally reached the gates of Jackson, the sun was setting, casting a warm glow over the community. People greeted you both warmly, noticing the change in Joel's demeanor. He was more relaxed and more present, and it was clear to everyone that you had a positive influence on him.
Tommy approached, a knowing smile on his face. "Good to see you both back safe and sound."
Joel clapped his brother on the shoulder. "It was a good run. Found some useful supplies."
Tommy nodded, then looked at you. "And how about you? Everything alright?"
You smiled, feeling the warmth of Joelâs gaze on you on your face. "Yeah, everything's good."
As the evening settled in, you and Joel made your way to the communal dining hall. The chatter of the community filled the air, and you found a spot to sit together. Joelâs hand lingered near yours, his touch reassuring and steady.
Tommy, Ellie, and Maria soon joined you at the table. Tommy was carrying a tray laden with food, Ellie trailing behind him with a mischievous grin, and Maria gave you a warm smile as she took a seat.
"Good to see you two back," Elli said, setting down the tray and passing out plates. âHow was the run?" Ellie asked, her eyes sparkling with curiosity.
"It went well," Joel replied, his gaze briefly meeting yours before he continued. "Found some useful supplies and had some good company."
Ellie smirked, elbowing Tommy. "I bet you did."
You blushed, focusing on your plate as you filled it with food. Maria, ever perceptive, glanced between you and Joel with a knowing smile. "It's good to see everyone together," she said, her tone light and warm.
As you all began to eat, the conversation flowed naturally. Tommy and Maria talked about the latest updates in the community, Ellie shared stories from her day, and Joel occasionally chimed in with his dry humor, making everyone laugh.
At one point, Ellie leaned over to you, her voice low enough so only you could hear. "Joel's been different lately. In a good way. You've been good for him."
You looked at her, surprised by her observation. "I hope so. It's been... a journey."
Ellie nodded, her expression sincere. "Just keep being you. That's all he needs."
The meal continued, filled with warmth and laughter. Joel's hand occasionally brushed against yours, sending electricity down your body.
Just as you were starting to relax, a woman approached the table, her presence causing a ripple of unease. It was Lori, one of the women Joel used to date. Joel visibly tensed, his gaze dropping to his plate as Lori stopped beside him, her smile a mix of surprise and something else you couldn't quite place.
âJoel," she said, her voice smooth and confident. "I didn't expect to see you here."
Joel looked up, a flicker of recognition in his eyes. "Lori. Uh, hi."
Lori glanced around the table, her eyes settling on you for a moment before she looked back at Joel. "I was just passing by and saw you all together. Mind if I join?"
Before anyone could respond, Tommy jumped in. "Sure, why not? There's always room for one more."
Lori pulled up a chair and sat down, her presence adding a layer of tension to the dynamics. Joel seemed uncomfortable; his usual confidence was replaced by nervous energy.
"So, Joel," Lori began, her tone light but probing. "How have you been? It's been a while."
Joel cleared his throat, glancing at you briefly before answering. "Yeah, it has. I've been... good. Just busy with everything here."
Lori nodded, her gaze shifting between you and Joel. "I can see that. Looks like you've made some new friends." She said, bitterly, âThe last time I knew from you was when you left my house after our night, and then you hit your head and never spoke to me again.â
The table fell silent, tension crackling in the air. Joel looked uncomfortable, his gaze dropping to his plate. You could see the guilt and confusion in his eyes as he tried to process Lori's words.
"I'm sorry, Lori," Joel finally said, his voice low. "I don't remember much from before the accident. It's been... complicated."
Lori's expression softened slightly, but the hurt in her eyes remained. "I get that. But it still stings, you know? You just disappeared."
You felt a pang of empathy for Lori but also a fierce protectiveness over Joel. "It's been hard for him,â you said gently, trying to ease the tension. "Joel's been working hard to piece things together. He's different now, and we're all just trying to move forward."
Lori glanced at you, her expression unreadable. "I can see that, but it seems like you had taken advantage of the situation; he couldnât stand your ass before his accident, and suddenly you have him like a little puppy following you everywhere.â
Your heart drops to your stomach, feeling warm spreading to your cheeks.
Joel's jaw tightened, and he quickly interjected, his voice firm. "That's enough, Lori. You don't know what you're talking about."
Lori raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms. "I just find it convenient, that's all."
Tommy leaned forward, his tone calm but authoritative. "Lori, we're all trying to move forward here. It's not fair to make accusations."
Ellie, always quick to defend those she cared about, added, "You weren't here to see what she did for Joel. She saved his life and has been helping him every step of the way."
Lori's gaze softened slightly, but the tension remained. "I'm sorry if I overstepped. I just needed to understand."
Maria nodded, her voice gentle. "We all get that, Lori. It's been a tough situation for everyone."
You took a deep breath, trying to steady your emotions. "It's okay. "You took a deep breath before continuing. âIâll take some fresh air,â you said, standing up, not even looking down at Joel, who seemed sad at your whole dementor.
You took a deep breath, trying to steady your emotions. "It's okay. Iâ" you paused, feeling the weight of the conversation pressing down on you. "Iâll take some fresh air," you said, standing up abruptly. Avoiding eye contact with Joel, who looked sad and concerned, you made your way outside.
The cool evening air was a welcome relief, and you walked a little way from the dining hall, finding a quiet spot to gather your thoughts. You leaned against a tree, closing your eyes and taking deep, calming breaths.
After a few moments, you heard footsteps approaching. You opened your eyes to see Ellie standing there, her expression filled with concern. "Hey, you okay?"
You nodded, managing a small smile. "Yeah, I just needed a moment. That was a bit embarrassing."
Ellie walked over and leaned against the wall next to you. "Lori was out of line. You've been amazing with Joel. Anyone with eyes can see that."
âSo, donât you think Iâve been taking advantage of him?â You asked, really concerned.
âWhat are you talking about? He is the one completely enamored by you.â She replied, laughing.
Ellie laughed, shaking her head. "What are you talking about? He is the one completely enamored by you."
You sighed, leaning back against the wall. "I know, but sometimes it feels like Iâm walking on eggshells. It feels like he is going to wake up from his trance and he will hate me again."
Ellie placed a comforting hand on your shoulder. "Listen, I've seen the way he looks at you. Heâs happier, lighter. Youâve brought out a side of him I didnât think existed. And trust me, if he didnât want this, heâd make it clear."
You took a deep breath.
âWhatâs the worst that could happen?â Ellie asked.
âMe, falling in love with him,â you answer.
âWhatâs the worst that could happen?â Ellie asked, her tone light but sincere.
You sighed, the weight of your fears pressing down. âMe, falling in love with him,â you answered quietly.
Ellie gave you a sympathetic look. "And why is that so bad?"
"Because," you began, struggling to put your feelings into words, "what if his memories come back and he realizes he doesnât feel the same way? Or worse, what if I fall in love with him and he changes back to the old Joel, the one who couldnât stand me?"
Ellie nodded, understanding. "That's a risk, sure. But you can't let fear keep you from living. You've been through so much together, and it's clear he cares about you deeply now. Maybe that won't change."
You bit your lip, the turmoil inside you reflected in your eyes. "I just don't want to get hurt, Ellie. And I donât want to hurt him either."
Ellie squeezed your shoulder. "I get it. But if you keep holding back, you'll never know what could be. Sometimes, you just have to take a leap of faith."
You let out a shaky breath, nodding. "Maybe you're right."
Ellie grinned. "Of course I'm right. Now, let's get back in there. Joel's probably worrying himself sick."
You smiled, feeling a bit more at ease. "Okay, let's go."
As you walked back into the dining hall, you found Joel still sitting at the table, his eyes lighting up when he saw your return. He stood up as you approached, his concern evident.
"You okay?" he asked softly.
You nodded, giving him a reassuring smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just needed a breather."
Joel looked relieved, and he gently took your hand. "I'm glad you're back."
The evening continued with easy conversation, and as you all eventually made your way out of the dining hall, Joel walked beside you, his presence a comforting constant.
"Thanks for dinner," he said softly as you approached your door.
"Anytime," you replied, feeling a warmth in your chest at his words. "It was nice, being with everyone."
Joel nodded, his eyes lingering on you. "It was. And I meant what I said today. Iâll make you fall in love with me.â
You chuckled softly, feeling a mix of nerves and excitement at his words. "You're really set on that, aren't you?"
Joel nodded, his expression serious but with a hint of a smile that made you go crazy. "I am. Because I know what I feel now, and Iâm not going to let it slip away."
You looked into his eyes, seeing the sincerity there. "Joel, this is new for both of us. We need to take it one step at a time."
He took a step closer, his hand gently brushing against yours. âAm I that unlovable?â
You blinked, taken aback by his question. "What? No, Joel, you're not unlovable at all. It's just... complicated."
Joel's eyes softened, and he took your hand in his, his thumb gently brushing over your knuckles. "I get that. But I need you to know that Iâm not going anywhere. Iâll wait as long as it takes."
You felt a warmth spread through you at his words. "I appreciate that, Joel. And I do care about you. A lot. It's just..."
"Scary?" he finished for you, his voice gentle.
You nodded.
Joel's expression turned thoughtful, and he nodded slowly. "Yeah, I get it. It is scary. But sometimes, the best things come from taking a leap of faith."
You took a deep breath, feeling the weight of his words. "Itâs not just about taking a leap. Itâs about making sure weâre ready for whatever comes next."
Joel squeezed your hand gently, his eyes never leaving yours. "I understand. And I'm ready to take it slow to give you the space you need. Just know that Iâm here for you, and Iâm not giving up on us."
You felt a mix of relief and trepidation, but Joel's unwavering support gave you strength. "Thank you, Joel. That means a lot to me."
He leaned in, resting his forehead against yours for a moment, his breath warm against your skin. "Weâll figure it out, one step at a time."
You nodded, closing your eyes for a brief second, allowing yourself to savor the closeness and the promise of what might come. When you opened your eyes again, you saw Joelâs smileâa smile that made you believe in the possibility of a new beginning.
"Goodnight," he whispered, his voice tender, holding back the desire to cupp your face and kiss you.
"Goodnight, Joel," you replied, your heart fluttering, feeling the same as him.
Now standing, this close, face to face, skins touching. One of you would give in before, and once that happened, there was no going to be a way to stop two hearts beating this fast.
Joel's eyes locked onto yours, the intensity of his gaze revealing the depth of his emotions. You could see the conflict within him, the longing that mirrored your own. His hand lingered near your face, his fingers almost brushing against your skin, his breath warm and steady.
The moment felt suspended in time, the air between you charged with unspoken words and electric anticipation. You both stood there, so close that you could feel the heat radiating from each other, your hearts racing in sync.
Joelâs voice was barely above a whisper. âI donât want to push you, but I also donât want to pretend like I donât feel this.â
You swallowed, your own voice trembling slightly. âI feel it too, Joel. But we need to be careful.â
Joel nodded, his expression a mix of desire and restraint. âI know. And I want to respect that. I just...â He hesitated, taking a deep breath as if trying to steady himself. âI donât want to miss this chance with you. Iâve never felt this way before.â
Joelâs gaze flickered between your eyes and your lips, the desire and uncertainty evident in his expression. His hand gently cupped your face. His touch was tender, as if he were afraid to break the spell that bound you both.
You felt your heart race, every nerve ending alive with anticipation. Joelâs fingers brushed softly against your cheek, and you could see the struggle in his eyes as he fought to keep his emotions in check. His breath grew shallower, and his eyes closed for a brief moment, savoring the closeness.
Slowly, he leaned in, his lips brushing against yours in a soft, tentative kiss. It was gentle at first, a whisper of warmth and affection that sent a shiver down your spine. The moment felt both exhilarating and comforting, the culmination of all the unspoken words and feelings that had been building between you.
You responded instinctively, your lips moving softly against his. The kiss deepened gradually, a sweet exploration of new and uncharted territory. His hands moved to frame your face, his touch firm yet gentle, as if he were cherishing every second of this newfound closeness.
When you finally pulled away, both of you were breathless, your eyes locking in a moment of shared understanding. The kiss had been more than just a physical connection; it was a promise of something more, something that neither of you fully understood yet but were both eager to explore.
Joelâs smile was tender and full of warmth. âIâve wanted to do that since I woke up that day at the infirmary,â he admitted softly, his eyes searching yours for any sign of hesitation.
You felt a blush rise to your cheeks at his confession. His words made your heart flutter even more, and you could see the sincerity in his eyes.
"I'm glad you did," you said softly, your voice barely above a whisper. "I've been feeling the same way."
Joel's smile widened, and he gently stroked your cheek with his thumb. "I didnât want to rush things or push you. But now... now that weâve shared this, I hope we can figure things out together."
You nodded, feeling a surge of hope and warmth. "I think we can. I want to see where this leads."
He took a deep breath, his gaze never leaving yours. "No pressure, just... being here with you."
You smiled, feeling a sense of calm and excitement. "I would like that.â
Joel nodded; his expression full of affection. "Good. Now, how about we get some rest? Tomorrow's a new day, and I want to spend it with you."
You felt a burst of warmth at his words and, inspired by the new closeness between you, you hesitated for just a moment before speaking up. âHow about we go inside for a bit? Iâve got some tea. It might be nice to relax and talk more.â
Joelâs eyes lit up at the invitation, and he nodded with a smile. âThat sounds perfect.â
You led the way to your house, the familiar surroundings now feeling different with Joel by your side. Once inside, you made your way to the kitchen and began preparing the tea. Joel watched you with an easy smile, clearly content.
As you waited for the water to boil, you and Joel chatted about lighter topicsâhow his recovery was going, plans for the community, and small anecdotes from your days. The conversation flowed easily, and the atmosphere between you was comfortable and warm.
When the tea was ready, you poured two cups and handed one to Joel. He took it with a grateful smile, his fingers brushing against yours. You both settled into a cozy corner of your living room, the soft light of a lamp casting a gentle glow around the room.
Joel sipped his tea, his gaze occasionally meeting yours. âThis is nice,â he said softly. âThank you for inviting me.â
Joel looked around your living room, the peaceful ambiance a stark contrast to the harsh world outside. He took another sip of his tea, then turned his gaze back to you. âYou know, before all this, I had a pretty normal life. A family, a daughter named Sarah. She was... everything to me.â
His voice carried a tinge of sadness, and you could see the pain in his eyes. You nodded, sensing the weight of his memories. âIâm sorry, Joel. I canât even imagine.â
Joelâs expression was somber but grateful. âThanks. She was everything. When the outbreak happened, she... she didnât make it. Itâs been hard, you know? Trying to keep going and make sense of it all.â
You felt a pang of sympathy for him, knowing how devastating such a loss could be. âI understand. I lost my fiancĂŠ in a storm during the outbreak. We were caught outside, and he was... gone before I could do anything.â
Joelâs eyes softened with empathy. âThatâs so tough. Iâm really sorry you went through that.â
You took a deep breath, feeling the weight of your own memories. âIt was the storm that made me afraid of them. Every time the weather changes, it reminds me of that day. I try not to let it control me, but sometimes, itâs hard.â
Joel reached out, placing his hand gently on yours. âIâm sorry youâve had to deal with that. Itâs brave of you to face it every day.â
You looked at his hand on yours, feeling a comforting warmth from his touch. âItâs been a struggle, but having people like you around makes it a little easier.â
Joel nodded, his gaze steady. âWe all have our battles. But weâve found ways to keep moving forward. And maybe together, we can make those battles a little less daunting.â
+++++
The days turned into weeks, and your relationship with Joel grew stronger. The bond you shared was evident in the way you looked at each other and the ease with which you interacted. People in Jackson had noticed the change in both of you, and there was a sense of warmth and contentment surrounding your partnership.
One afternoon, as you were working in the infirmary, organizing supplies and checking on patients, Joel walked in. He had that familiar, easy smile on his face, and his presence was a comforting one amidst the hectic pace of the medical work.
âHey,â he said, leaning against the doorway. âThought Iâd stop by and see how youâre doing.â
You looked up, your face lighting up at the sight of him. âHey, Joel. Just busy as usual. Howâs everything on the patrol?â
Joel shrugged, walking over to where you were working. âNot too bad. But I figured Iâd come by and keep you company. I know youâve been spending a lot of time here.â
You nodded, your smile softening. âYeah, Iâve been needed here more often lately. But itâs good to see you.â
Joel moved closer, his hand reaching out to gently touch your arm. âIâve missed you. Itâs different when youâre not around.â
You felt a surge of affection at his words. âIâve missed you too. But this is important. People need help, and I want to make sure Iâm here for them.â
Joel nodded, understanding in his eyes. âI get it. Just remember to take care of yourself too. Iâd hate to see you running on empty.â
You chuckled, appreciating his concern. âIâll try. But having you here now brought a smile to my face.â
He smiled, his gaze lingering on you. âWell, Iâm glad to be here. Can I help with anything?â
You thought for a moment, then nodded. âActually, if you could help me restock some of these supplies, that would be great.â
Joel moved closer, his hand gently brushing against yours as he began helping with the supplies. The shared task created a comfortable silence between you, with only the soft sounds of organizing supplies filling the space.
As you worked side by side, Joelâs gaze lingered on you with an intensity that made your heart race. Without warning, he leaned in, his lips brushing softly against yours in a tender, affectionate kiss. The kiss was a sweet proof the connection you shared, and you responded with equal tenderness, savoring the closeness.
Just as the kiss deepened, the door to the infirmary swung open, and Dr. Ramirez walked in. Her eyes widened slightly at the sight of you and Joel but quickly masked her surprise with a professional smile.
âSorry to interrupt,â she said, her tone warm but slightly teasing. âI came to check on things and see if you needed any help.â
You and Joel pulled away; a bit flustered but smiling nonetheless. âWe were just finishing up,â you said, trying to sound casual. âEverythingâs in order.â
Dr. Ramirez nodded, her gaze flicking between you and Joel with a knowing look. âAlright, if you need anything, just let me know.â
As she moved to her office, you glanced at Joel, your cheeks still slightly flushed. âWell, that was embarrassing.â
Joel chuckled, his hand still resting lightly on yours. âYeah, but I guess itâs a good thing everyone know youâre my girl.â
You looked up at Joel, a smile tugging at the corners of your lips. "I suppose it is. Itâs nice to be able to be open about us."
Joelâs expression softened; his gaze warm. âIt is. And Iâm glad we donât have to hide anymore.â
You squeezed his hand gently, feeling a sense of contentment. âMe too. It makes everything feel more real, more... solid.â
Joel nodded, his eyes never leaving yours. âDo you want to have dinner at my place?â he asked.
You looked up at Joel, a smile spreading across your face at the thought of spending more time together. âDinner at your place sounds wonderful. Iâd love that.â
Joelâs face lit up with a warm smile. âGreat. Iâll make sure to have something good ready for us.â
You both made your way to Joelâs place, the evening air cool and crisp. The walk was filled with easy conversation and shared laughter, a comforting routine that had become a cherished part of your days.
When you arrived at Joelâs house, he opened the door and gestured for you to enter. The interior was cozy, with soft lighting and a welcoming atmosphere. He led you to the kitchen, where a simple but inviting dinner was laid out on the table.
Joelâs cooking was surprisingly good, and as you enjoyed the meal together, the conversation flowed effortlessly. You talked about everything and nothingâyour favorite memories, plans for the future, and the little things that made you both laugh.
After dinner, you moved to the living room, where Joel had set up a comfortable spot with blankets and pillows. You both settled in, the atmosphere relaxed and intimate.
Joel looked at you with a soft smile. âIâm really glad youâre here.â
You snuggled closer to him, feeling a deep sense of contentment. âMe too. Tonight has been perfect.â
He wrapped his arm around you, his touch warm and reassuring. âHereâs to many more nights like this.â
You smiled, resting your head on his shoulder. âIâd like that.â
As the evening wore on, you both talked about your past experiences and shared stories from before the outbreak. Joel spoke about his life before everything changedâhis family, the dreams he had, and the struggles he faced. You shared your own experiences, including the loss of your fiancĂŠ and the challenges of adapting to this new world alone.
Joel listened intently, his hand occasionally brushing against yours as if to reassure you. âItâs amazing how much weâve both been through,â he said softly. âAnd yet, here we are.â
You nodded, feeling a deep connection. âYeah. It feels like weâre building something meaningful despite everything.â
After some time, you both decided it was time to call it a night. You stood up, stretching slightly as you gathered your things. Joel walked with you to the door, his presence a comforting constant.
As you reached the door, Joel hesitated for a moment, then gently grabbed your wrist, stopping you from leaving. He looked at you with a mix of hesitation and hope in his eyes. âI was wondering⌠would you like to spend the night here? Itâs been nice having you around, and Iâd love to have you stay.â
You looked at him, surprised but touched by the invitation. The warmth in his eyes and the sincerity of his voice made it hard to resist.
âIâd like that,â you said softly, a smile spreading across your face.
Joelâs expression brightened, and he pulled you into a gentle hug. âGreat. Letâs get you settled in.â
Joel led you to his bedroom, a space that felt both lived-in and welcoming. The room was simple but comfortable, with a bed covered in worn but clean linens and a few personal touches that spoke to Joelâs characterâphotos of his family, a well-loved guitar leaning against the wall, and a small stack of books on the bedside table.
He gestured to the bed with a slightly sheepish grin. âSorry, itâs not much, but itâs home.â
You smiled, feeling a sense of warmth and acceptance. âItâs perfect.â
Joel nodded, his expression softening. âIâm glad you think so.â
You both prepared for bed in comfortable silence, the familiarity of the routine helping to ease any lingering tension. Joel showed you where you could find anything you might needâextra blankets, a lamp for reading, and a small cabinet for any personal items you might want to keep nearby.
As you both settled into the bed, Joel turned off the lights, leaving only a soft glow from a nightlight on the dresser. He slipped under the covers, and you followed suit, the warmth and comfort of the bed providing a welcome respite from the dayâs events.
Joel turned toward you, his eyes meeting yours in the dim light. âIâm really glad youâre here,â he said softly, his voice tender.
You smiled, feeling a sense of peace as you settled closer to him. âMe too. It feels right.â
He reached out and gently took your hand, interlocking your fingers. The simple gesture was filled with meaning, and you could feel the connection between you growing stronger.
âGoodnight,â Joel whispered, his voice carrying a note of affection.
âGoodnight,â you replied, your heart fluttering with contentment.
A few days later, you and Ellie were seated at a table in the bustling dining hall, enjoying a well-deserved lunch. The room was filled with the murmur of conversations and the clinking of utensils, creating a comforting background noise.
Ellie, always full of energy, was animatedly talking about a new comic sheâd found. âYou wonât believe this,â she said, leaning in with a conspiratorial grin, âbut this one hero has the power to control weather. Iâm telling you, if I had that power, Iâd totally make it sunny all the time.â
You laughed, shaking your head. âSounds like youâve been reading too many comics. But I suppose a bit of sunshine wouldnât hurt.â
Ellie grinned, grabbing a bite of her sandwich. âTrue, true. But, seriously, how are things going with Joel? You two seem... really happy.â
You smiled, feeling a warm flush at her question. âWe are. Itâs been nice, spending time together. Heâs been really supportive, and I think weâre figuring things out.â
Ellieâs eyes lit up, clearly pleased with your answer. âIâm glad to hear that. Heâs been a lot happier since you two started spending more time together. Itâs like heâs found a new spark.â
You nodded, feeling a sense of contentment. âItâs been good for both of us. Weâre still taking things one step at a time, but it feels right.â
Ellieâs expression turned thoughtful. âI know itâs been rough with everything thatâs happened, but itâs nice to see people finding happiness again. Especially you and Joel.â
You appreciated Ellieâs support and her ability to lighten the mood. âThanks, Ellie. That means a lot.â
Ellie glanced around the dining hall, then back at you with a mischievous grin. âSo, are you guys planning any big adventures together? Or just sticking to the small stuff for now?â
You laughed softly. âWeâre sticking to the small stuff for now. Just enjoying the moments, we have together.â You paused, âIâm still a little bit scared of him waking up hating me again.â
Ellieâs eyes softened with understanding. âI get that. Itâs natural to be scared after everything youâve both been through. But youâre doing great, and Joel is different now. Heâs not going to just wake up one day and hate you.â
You sighed, a mixture of relief and lingering concern in your expression. âI hope youâre right. Sometimes, itâs hard to shake that fear, especially after everything thatâs happened.â
Ellie nodded thoughtfully. âI think you both just need to keep talking and being honest with each other. The more you communicate, the more youâll build that trust. And remember, itâs okay to have those fears. It just means you care.â
You managed a small smile. âThanks, Ellie. Itâs reassuring to hear that.â
Ellie grinned and took a bite of her lunch. âAnytime. And if you ever need someone to talk to or just need a distraction, you know Iâm here. We can have a comic marathon or something.â
You laughed, feeling the warmth of Ellieâs support. âThat sounds like a plan. Iâll definitely take you up on that.â
As you and Ellie finished your lunch, you stood up to clear your plates, the conversation easing into a comfortable silence. Just as you were about to head to the serving area, you suddenly felt two strong arms wrap around your middle, pulling you into a warm embrace. A soft, affectionate kiss was placed on your cheek, making you feel a surge of happiness and surprise.
You turned your head slightly, finding Joelâs smiling face close to yours. âHey there,â he said, his voice full of warmth and affection. âI didnât mean to interrupt, just wanted to steal a moment with you.â
Ellie watched with a grin, clearly pleased with the sight. âLooks like someoneâs got a fan club.â
You blushed slightly, leaning into Joelâs embrace. âHi, Joel. I was just catching up with Ellie.â
Joelâs gaze softened as he looked at you, his hand gently resting on your side. âI figured Iâd come and see how you were doing. Plus, I wanted to see if youâd be up for a walk later.â
You smiled, feeling content in his arms. âA walk sounds nice. Iâd love that.â
Joel nodded, his eyes twinkling with excitement. âGreat. Letâs finish up here and head out.â
You and Joel exchanged a tender glance before you both started to clear your plates. Ellie gave you both a playful nudge. âIâll leave you two to your walk. Enjoy, and remember, Iâm always here if you need me.â
+++++++++++++
âSo?â you asked, as Joel was smiling in complete silence.
âSo what?â he asked without erasing that smile from his face.
âArenât you going to talk?â
Joel chuckled, his smile widening. âI guess Iâm just enjoying the moment. Itâs not every day I get to be this content.â
You raised an eyebrow, playfully nudging him. âOh really? And whyâs that?â
He looked at you, his gaze tender. âBecause being with you like this, just walking and talking, itâs exactly what Iâve wanted. Itâs simple and perfect.â
You smiled, feeling a warm glow from his words. âWell, Iâm glad youâre enjoying it. So, whatâs on your mind?â
Joel glanced around, taking in the scenery before meeting your eyes again. âI was thinking about how nice would be if you go to my place tonight. Ellieâs gonna spend the night with Dina and I want to spend the night with you.â
âThat sounds wonderful,â you said with a smile. âIâd love to spend the night with you.â
Joelâs face lit up with a genuine smile, and he took your hand, gently squeezing it. âGreat. I was hoping youâd say that.â He leaned and kiss you on the lips, âNo I gotta go helping Tommy, see you later, sunshineâ
You pouted, grabbing his hand before he could go anywhere âWait? That was all?â
Joel chuckled softly, his eyes crinkling at the corners. âI thought Iâd surprise you with the invitation, and I wanted to make sure you knew how much I enjoy spending time with you.â
You raised an eyebrow, playfully teasing. âWell, I didnât realize the evening was just an invitation and a kiss goodbye.â
Joel grinned, clearly amused. âAlright, alright. If you want more, I guess Iâll have to come up with something better.â He pulled you into another kiss, this one longer and more lingering.
You smiled against his lips as you pulled away. âThatâs more like it. But seriously, I was looking forward to spending time with you.â
Joelâs gaze softened, and he cupped your face gently. âIâm looking forward to it too. Just had to help Tommy out with something. I promise, Iâll make up for it.â
You nodded, still holding onto his hand. âIâll hold you to that. See you later, Joel.â
He gave you one last smile before heading out, leaving you with a warm feeling and the anticipation of the evening ahead.
+++++++++++++
When you arrived at Joel's place, the sun had just dipped below the horizon, casting a warm, golden glow across the surroundings. Joel greeted you at the door with a welcoming smile and a quick, affectionate kiss.
"Hey, glad you could make it," he said, taking your coat and hanging it up. "Iâve got a few things planned, but we can start with something simple if youâd like."
You stepped inside, feeling the comforting familiarity of Joelâs home. âIâm sure whatever youâve got planned will be perfect,â you replied, smiling at him.
Joel led you into the living room, where heâd set up a cozy area with blankets and cushions. The room was softly lit by lamps, and the atmosphere was inviting and warm. A few candles were flickering on the coffee table, casting a gentle glow.
âI figured we could start with some dinner and then maybe just talk or something elseâ Joel suggested, his eyes reflecting the soft light.
You nodded, feeling content with the simple but thoughtful setup. âThat sounds great.â
Joel moved to the kitchen and returned shortly with a plate of homemade foodâsomething comforting and hearty. He set it down on the table, then joined you on the couch.
As you both ate, the conversation flowed easily, just like it had during your earlier moments together. You talked about your days, your plans, and even some light-hearted topics. Joelâs presence was reassuring, and you felt completely at ease.
After dinner, Joel suggested putting on some music. He rummaged through his collection, finally settling on a classic that he thought youâd enjoy. You both snuggled up under the blankets, the music playing softly in the background.
Joel occasionally glanced at you, his hand resting casually on your knee. The song played, but most of your attention was focused on the comfort of being next to him, the warmth of his touch, and the quiet contentment that filled the room.
Joel turned to you, his gaze tender. âYou know, Iâm really glad weâre doing this. Just being here with you, it feels right.â
You smiled, leaning into him. âI feel the same way.â
Joelâs hand moved to gently brush your hair back from your face. âWhatâs your biggest fear?â he asked out of the blue?
You sighed, leaving his gaze for a moment âYou waking up and forgetting you love meâ
Joelâs brow furrowed slightly at your answer, a mix of concern and curiosity in his eyes. âWhy would you think that? I donât see any reason why that would happen.â
You took a deep breath, feeling vulnerable as you shared your fear. âItâs justâŚ.you knew I told you we didnât get along before, in fact you hated me, Joel.â
Joelâs eyes softened as he listened to your concern. He took a moment before responding, his voice steady and reassuring. âI know things werenât easy between us before. And yeah, I didnât handle things the best way back then. But thatâs in the past. What matters now is how we are right now.â
He reached out and gently took your hand in his. âThe truth is, Iâve changed. And I see you differently now. I see you for who you are, and I realize how much you mean to me. Whatever those old feelings were? Theyâre gone. What we have now is real, and Iâm committed to it.â
You looked into his eyes, searching for the truth in his words. âBut what if one day you wake up and those old feelings come back? What if something changes?â
Joel shook his head, his gaze intense and full of conviction. âI donât believe thatâll happen. Iâve come to understand how much you mean to me, and how deeply I care about you.â
He squeezed your hand gently, his expression earnest. âIâm not going to let those fears control us. Weâre building something strong, and I want to keep building it with you. Iâm here, and Iâm committed to making sure we have a future together.â
You felt a wave of relief and warmth at his words. âThank you, Joel. That really means a lot to me.â
Joel smiled softly, leaning in to kiss your forehead. âIâm glad. And if you ever need reassurance, just ask. Iâm always here to remind you of how much you mean to me.â
You nestled closer to him, feeling a deep sense of comfort and closeness. The fears that had been troubling you began to fade as you focused on the warmth of his embrace and the sincerity in his voice.
Joelâs gaze lingered on yours, his eyes filled with a mix of tenderness and resolve. Slowly, he leaned in, his lips brushing softly against yours. The kiss was gentle at first, a careful exploration of newfound trust and affection.
As the kiss deepened, it became more passionate, conveying all the emotions and reassurances that words alone couldnât fully capture. Joelâs hand cupped your face, his touch warm and reassuring as he pressed closer.
You responded to the kiss, your own hands moving to rest against his chest, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. The kiss felt like a promise, a shared understanding of where you both stood and where you hoped to go.
When you finally pulled away, both of you were breathless, your foreheads touching as you gazed into each otherâs eyes. The room seemed to fade away, leaving just the two of you wrapped in this moment of closeness.
Joelâs smile was soft, his voice barely more than a whisper. âI needed to do that. To show you just how much you mean to me.â
You smiled back, your heart full. âI needed that too.â
Joel gently brushed a strand of hair from your face, his touch lingering.
After that, everything happened in a flash. Neither of you realized when you removed your clothes, but there was too much desperation in your touch; you wanted to discover how his fingers could leave a mark on you, tracing invisible lines across your body.
He kissed you again, slipping his tongue past your lips, gasping when he felt your fingers running your fingertips across his bare chest, tracing the lines of a map leading to where you couldnât stop.
With one of your hands, you pulled him down by his neck to hold you against your lips again. Once you tasted them, you couldnât get over the taste of them over yours, and you couldnât get over the whimpers he left in your mouth.
He was hovering over you, giving you a passionate kiss. He was between your legs, exactly where you wanted him.
He pulled his lips away from yours for a moment to glance down at you. To appreciate the features of your face and the nature of your body to admire the features of your face, and the nature of your body being displayed just for him right now. You felt the crimson color rushing up to your checks and for a moment you felt embarrassed under his stare, but he smiled at you.
âYou look beautifulâ. He swallowed hard, stroking your cheek with his thumb.
His hands on your tights only increased the sparks in the place you wanted him the most, you wanted to follow the path even when you knew it was leading to a treacherous destination.
You continued kissing slowly as he caressed your thighs with his gently touch, as he wanted to worship your body and devour every single sound coming out from your mouth. He kissed you down over your neck, kissing, nipping your skin between his teeth.
And God, he loved the way you were making him feel. The fact this time was different to everything you had experiencing before. At this moment, you werenât driving for only passionate reasons, but for caring feelings for each other. You werenât in a rush and that turned him on. He was hard for you and he wanted to meet where religion was, between your thighs.
This time he was making love because he had drowned himself on your religion.
Both of you gasped aloud the moment he began to push slowly inside you. His hands reached for yours, interlocking them as he kissed you softly, muttering, "You're so beautiful like this". He was mesmerized by the way you were nervously giggling and cocking your head back in delight. He bit your neck, prompting your hands to move up to his neck, and his hands ran down your entire body without a layer of clothing on you, focusing on every thrust and diving deep to ensure he was making you happy.
You opened your eyes and stared back at him, entirely focused on you. You couldn't help but roll your eyes as his hands massaged your breasts while he continued to devour your lips. Your back arched, followed by a moan against his lips. Every thrust felt so fantastic, you couldn't help but think you were in the celestial realm You could tell you were getting closer as you squeezed him and kept your gaze fixed on each other. He pushed harder, one hand caressing your cheek and the other gripping your knee to guarantee you fell apart.
The noises you made drove him insane, as he felt himself reaching the edge of the cliff. He wanted to stare at you under him as you came and with a loud gasp, he did it at the same time falling over your exposed chest, your heartbeats mingling.
You moaned softly beneath him, and Joel raised his head to look at you, flashing him a cute smile he hadn't tired of, as you kissed him on the lips.
"I love you so much," he replied, gazing at you with admiration. âIâm so in love with you.â
I love you.
Iâm so in love with you.
Those three words were echoing in the shadows of your mind. Your expression softened and you felt your blood rushing. You were sure they had had an impact on you.
âAnd I love you so muchâ you whispered back, your voice trembling slightly with the depth of your emotion.
Joelâs expression softened even further, and he brushed a tender kiss against your lips once more. The connection between you was undeniable, a blend of passion and deep affection that had grown stronger with each passing day.
You rested your head on his chest, feeling his heartbeat steady and strong beneath you. The world outside seemed distant and unimportant in the warmth of his embrace. For a moment, everything felt perfect, and you allowed yourself to fully embrace the love and happiness you had found with Joel.
Joel gently ran his fingers through your hair, his touch soothing. âWeâve come a long way, havenât we?â
You nodded, your eyes closing as you savored the moment. âYeah, we have. And I wouldnât change a thing.â
Joelâs arms tightened around you, pulling you closer. âNeither would I. Hereâs to more moments like this, and to whatever the future holds for us.â
You smiled, feeling a deep sense of contentment and anticipation for what was to come. âTo us,â you agreed, your heart full of love and hope.
+++++++++++
The soft morning light filtered through the curtains, casting a gentle glow over the room. You stirred, waking up with a smile on your face. The previous nightâs intimacy and love still lingered, and you turned to look at Joel. He was sleeping peacefully beside you, a contented expression on his face.
As you watched him, you felt a surge of happiness and affection. You reached out, gently brushing a strand of hair from his forehead, your heart full of love for him.
But as Joelâs eyes fluttered open and he met your gaze, his expression shifted dramatically. His sparkly brown eyes filled with love, widened in horror, and a look of confusion and fear crossed his face. He pushed himself up, scrambling back slightly.
âWhat...What the fuck are you doing here?â he asked, his voice trembling with a mix of shock and fear.
You were taken aback, your smile faltering as you tried to make sense of his reaction. âJoel, whatâs wrong?â
No. It couldnât be that, right?
Joelâs eyes were filled with a pained realization. âOh my god, you came to my house trying to seduce me into sleeping with you?â
You felt a sharp pang of pain at his words, and your heart dropped. The warmth you had felt earlier was replaced by a cold, unsettling feeling.
âNo, Joel, thatâs not what happened,â you said, trying to keep your voice steady despite the hurt. âWeâre in loveâ
He chuckled. âIn love? Me in love with you? I could neverâ he said.
Your chest tightened, and the hurt in Joelâs words felt like a physical blow. You struggled to keep your composure, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill.
âJoel, you canât mean that,â you said, your voice shaking. âLast night, you said you loved me. We shared something real.â
Joelâs expression was a mix of confusion and pain. âI donât remember saying that. Last night I was with Loriâ
Thatâs it. You were back at were you used to be.
The weight of Joelâs words hit you like a punch to the gut. You felt a mix of betrayal and heartache, as the realization sank in. The warmth and affection from the night before felt like a cruel illusion.
âSo, what? Youâre saying last night meant nothing?â you asked. The tears you had been holding back finally spilled over. âYou really donât remember? You donât remember how we talked, how you told me you loved me?â
âI donât love you.â He said, sternly.
âBut Iâm your sunshineâ you sobbed.
Joelâs laughter pierced through you like a blade, and you could barely stand the weight of the realization. Each word he spoke seemed to tear away at the fabric of your heart, unraveling the dream youâd clung to so desperately.
The room felt colder, the air heavier, as you fought to control your sobs. Every touch, every shared moment that had once seemed so real was now reduced to nothing more than painful echoes of a memory that never truly existed.
He didnât remember the stealing glances, the kisses, the touches and the promises than now seemed to fade with the cruel destiny meeting the ending meant to be.
You had taken a risk at falling in love with the version of a Joel who loved you back, and he didnât exist anymore. He had faded just when he had told you he loved you.
He didnât remember falling in love with you, he didnât remember all the time you spent together, and he didnât remember loving you, but you didnât think this would hurt this much.
âJoelâ you said, pleading him to remember.
âOut.â He said, gritting his teeth. Â
You stood there, the pain in your chest almost unbearable, as Joel's harsh words echoed around you. The warmth and affection you had shared just hours before now seemed like a cruel illusion, shattered by his denial.
"Joel, please," you said, your voice trembling. "Just think about everything we shared. It was real."
Joelâs eyes were hard, and he crossed his arms defensively. âI don't remember any of it. And I can't fake feelings I don't have.â
You felt a deep, profound sadness, the weight of his words making it almost impossible to breathe. The life you had envisioned, the love you had felt, seemed to slip away like sand through your fingers.
âPlease, justââ you tried to reason with him, but the look in his eyes made it clear that any further pleading was futile.
Joelâs expression remained firm, a mix of regret and frustration. âEverything I know is that you took advantage of me.â
The sting of Joel's words cut deep, each one echoing the finality of a dream you had cherished. The accusation of taking advantage of him felt like a betrayal, intensifying the emotional agony you were already struggling with.
You took a shaky breath, trying to hold onto the fragments of your composure. "Joel, I never did that. We have somethingâ"
Joel interrupted; his voice cold. "I donât want to hear it. You need to leave. Now."
The finality in his tone left no room for argument. With a heart heavy with sorrow, you nodded, unable to find the words that might change his mind.
You were only on one of his shirts, trying to find your clothes.
You stumbled through the room, your movements disjointed as you searched for your clothes. The pain and confusion made every action feel like an immense effort. Joelâs gaze remained fixed on you, his face a mask of distant resolve.
You found your jeans, but it was crumpled and stained, and you struggled to put it on with trembling hands. The fabric felt rough against your skin, a stark contrast to the comfort you had felt just hours before. You glanced around for your other belongings, the room now feeling foreign and unwelcoming.
âI... I canât find my blouse,â you said again, your voice a whisper filled with desperation and trembling.
Joelâs eyes flicked to you briefly before he spoke with a tone that brooked no argument. âDonât worry about it. Just wear my shirt. I wonât wear it again.â His voice was cold and icy, not more softness as when they used to whisper things on your ear.
The coldness in his words made it clear that there was no room for negotiation or further conversation. You nodded numbly, the shirt you were already wearing now feeling like a heavy shroud setting your skin on fire.
As you finished dressing, you glanced around the room one last time, trying to memorize the space you were leaving behind. The sight of the room, so filled with the promise you fooled yourself onto believing.
There was an intensified the ache in your chest.
Joel stood by the door, his posture rigid as if he were bracing himself for something. His eyes didnât meet yours, focusing instead on some distant point. The silence between you was heavy with the weight of the broken bond that never existed.
As you pulled on your shoes, your heart cracked completely sank in deeper. You looked up, meeting Joelâs eyes one last time.
âJoel, Iâm sorry for everything,â you said softly, your voice barely above a whisper. âI never meant to cause any harm. I just wantedââ
Joel cut you off with a slight nod, his face still set in a hard expression. âJust go. Please.â
You swallowed hard, the lump in your throat almost making it impossible to speak. The intensity of Joel's gaze, filled with a mixture of pain and indifference, made it clear that any further words would be futile.
With one last, lingering look at him and the room that just yesterday had witnessed three empty words that now didnât meant anything, you turned and made your way down the hall. Each step felt like a weight lifting off your shoulders, even as the burden of what you were leaving behind pressed heavily on your heart.
As you reached the front door, the cool morning air hit you, providing a stark contrast to the warmth you had felt just hours before. The quiet outside was a jarring reminder of the world that continued, indifferent to the personal turmoil you were experiencing.
With every step, you tried to reconcile the reality you faced with the memories of what you had thought was true, a momentary field of dreams. The pain was sharp and immediate. How would you continue life after losing another love?
+++++++
#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#joel miller x y/n#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller x f!reader#pedro pascal character fanfiction#joel miller series#the last of us fanfiction#joel miller#joel miller imagine#joel miller angst#tlou fanfiction#joel the last of us#joel x reader#Joel Miller#pedro pascal x reader#pedro pascal fanfiction#the last of us#pedro pascal imagine#pedro pascar character imagine#pedro pascal#joel miller smut
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â âš âą IN THE HEAT OF IT ALL
e-42!miles x fem!reader
summary after having an argument with miles, you get mad as to why he always brings up your plushies while you guys are arguing. so, you threw them all away.
request by @friedturtlewhispers ! i accidentally posted this without writing actual story, so sorry your request got deleted đ
a/n this is a continuation of the 42!miles headcanon from these headcanons! iâm a sucker for angst so ofc i has to write this đ¤ˇââď¸
warnings angst to fluff, cursing
âMa, youâre the one who sleeps with stuffed animals at night.â
You two have been fighting over God knows what for at least 30 minutes, and whenever he brought up the fact that you sleep with stuffed animals at night pisses you off. You scoffed, stuck your middle finger up at him, and went to his doorway.
âFuck you, Miles.â That was all you said before you walked out of his bedroom, and out his apartment door.
New York at night was chilly, so as you left the building you silently cursed to yourself. You forgot your jacket again, as it was hot during the day but then it cooled down. Luckily, your apartment building was only a block away, so it wasnât that bad of a walk.
His words still rang through your head. That was his only comeback nowadays ever since he found out. You thought he hated it, for how much he teased you about sleeping with the stuffed animals. But secretly, though he would never admit it, he found it cute that you do. It made him happy seeing you happy, although you werenât feeling it right now.
You thought actually sleeping with them bothered him, so as your mind was overflowing with rage, you did the petty thing.
You threw them all away.
Well, not really. You just stuffed them all in a bag and put it in your closet. But, it felt like you did because your once overfilled bed was now empty, the only thing on it was your clothes, pillows, and obvious blankets.
Your phone was blowing from texts and calls from Miles. You looked over at it and rolled your eyes. You put your phone on do not disturb, charged it, and then got in bed. All you needed right now was some rest, so you closed your eyes and tried to fall asleep. Though, it was hard without at least one thing to hold.
Miles on the other hand, was freaking out. He was pacing around his room angrily, you guys never ended on bad terms. You would always make up, because he knew how important it was for you to have closure. He wanted to make this relationship work, and right now he felt like he was failing it.
âPick up the phone, Y/N,â he mumbled, silently cursing everytime it went straight to voicemail. He groaned and left his room, saying a quick goodbye to his mom before leaving the apartment.
He walked, practically ran to your apartment where he barged in because you forgot to lock the door. Your parents were out on a work trip right now, so he reminded himself to scold you later on this. But for now, his only priority was to set things right and make it up to you.
He slowly opened your bedroom door, from the light being off he figured you were asleep. That was all until you turned around to look at the light that was entering your room, and groaned when you saw Miles standing in your doorway. âFuck off.â
He scoffed and made his way towards you, âThatâs no way to talk to me, now is it?â He joked, though you werenât having it.
âWhat the hell are you doing here, Miles.â You turned away from him, so he couldnât see the anger that was still looming on your face.
âWhatchu think Iâm here for? Iâm here to make it up to you. Weâre not leaving on bad terms, and I swear by that.â
You didnât respond, and that left Miles quiet. He observed the position you were in, and noticed your bed looked different.
âMa, whereâs all your stuffed animals?â He asked, concern in his voice. He shuffled around your bed, looking over you and looking at the end of your bed.
âGone,â you mumbled. He paused in his tracks, looking over at you even though you couldnât see him. Your back was facing the wall, so he immediately turned you around to face him.
âFuck you mean gone?â
âI mean, gone, Miles. Like, theyâre not here.â He was shocked, you loved those things more than anything. He looked around your room, for any sign of them.
None.
âIâll be right back,â he mumbled before hurrying out of the room. You rolled your eyes and turned around in your bed again, feeling slightly bad that you lied to him.
However, Miles was going to the nearest store to get you something. He walked down the aisles of the store, searching for the perfect plushie. He grimaced at all of them, as they all looked unintentionally creepy. He decided on a pink teddy bear, as it looked the most tame and he knew how much you liked teddy bears. He went up to the register and paid for it, then rushed back to your apartment.
You were almost asleep when he barged in once again and sat on your bed. âTurn around.â When you didnât, he turned you around himself and what you saw in his hands shocked you.
You sat up to face him, you didnât expect him to buy you a teddy bear. You took it from his hands, admiring it slightly. âIâm sorry, Y/N. Yâknow, I actually find it cute how you sleep with these.â You looked up at him and smiled, then fell into his arms.
âItâs alright, I guess. Thanks for the bear,â he hummed in response, to which you continued, âthereâs a bag in my closet, do you think you can get it?â He pulled away slightly and raised an eyebrow at you, watching as you giggled against his chest.
He peeled away from you and walked to your closet, silently cursing when he saw the bag full of stuffed animals. âYouâre full of shit, yâknow that right?â
You laughed as he threw the bag at you, you throwing one of your pillows back at him in response. âYou loooove me though.â
He walked back to your bed and put the pillow you threw at him back on the bed, and laid down with you. âYou got one thing right,â he said as you adjusted in his arms.
âOh, and also, donât forget to lock your door. Canât let anyone taking mâ girl away.â
âGo to sleep, Miles.â
TAGS ⣠@xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx
#across the spiderverse#spider man: across the spider verse#x reader#miles molares#atsv#miles morales x reader#spiderman atsv#42 miles morales#earth 42 miles morales x reader#earth 42 miles x reader#earth 42 miles morales#earth 42#miles g morales#miles morales fanfiction#earth 42 miles x you#earth 42 miles
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inspections
words: 1k
warnings: 18+ only!, smut, dom/sub dynamic, daddy kink, daily c*nt inspections đ, fingering, mentions of p in v sex, edging, i think rafe calls reader kiddo once, reader is described briefly as small chested, mentions of past punishments/spankings/tit slapping
âcome on, baby.â rafe taps your thigh. âit's time.â
âim so tired, just let me sleep for five more minutes.â you whine, snuggling your head deeper into the pillow.
âare you being bratty?â rafes words have your eyes snapping open.
âno, daddy, of course not.â you giggle. you both know you were just being a bit naughty by refusing to wake up, but you don't want to face any punishment, sitting up to give rafe a good morning kiss.
âmhm, that's what i thought.â he sighs. âi have to go into work today.â
âwhat?â you whine. âyou can't work from home?â
ânope, got in person meetings today. sorry baby girl.â rafe hates leaving you as much as you hate him having to go anywhere without you.
âokay, gonna miss you so much.â you give rafe another kiss, now noticing that he's already ready and dressed.
âive got enough time for inspections. open up.â rafe taps your thigh again.
âmkay.â you nod, laying your head back on the pillow, spreading your legs open.
âno wet spot on your panties, wow.â rafe nods, hands moving to rub over your inner thighs.
you smile, proud of yourself for keeping your panties clean overnight, always struggling with rafe pressed up against you.
rafe hooks his finger under the center of your underwear, pulling it to the side to reveal your cunt.
âgosh, so pretty.â rafe smiles down. âmy favorite pussy in the world.â
âthank you daddy.â you blush, feeling your cheeks heat up pink.
âmakes me not wanna leave you, kiddo.â rafe sighs, knowing he certainly doesn't have time to fuck you, not in the way he wants to.
âwill you be home for lunch?â you ask, eyes fluttering closed as rafe swipes his fingers through your folds absentmindedly.
âyeah.â rafe nods. âwill bring you home some candy.â he can't help himself but bring his fingertips to his mouth, tasting your wetness with a low moan.
âthank you daddy.â you manage to speak out, voice already wobbly from his touches.
âgonna stick a finger inside, okay? make sure you're still nice and tight for me.â the inspections became mandatory after rafe found out you were touching yourself overnight, not even always consciously, rutting against his thigh while you both slept, wet dreams of your daddy running through your head.
âmkay.â you nod, letting out a breath to relax your body as rafe uses one hand to separate your folds, holding your cunt open as your hole flutters in anticipation.
rafe circles his finger around your entrance before plunging it inside your hole. you always try your best to stay quiet during inspections as rafe likes, but you can't help but squeal out.
rafe just laughs at how pathetic your noises are, beginning to thrust his finger in and out slowly, feeling the way you constrict around him.
ânice and tight, so good baby.â rafe smiles down at you. âyou've been such a good girl lately, i can't even remember the last time i had to punish you!â
âtwo weeks ago.â you pout, remembering it well. âten spankings because i flashed you while you were in a meeting.â
âthat's right.â rafe shakes his head. âyou got some tit slaps too, didn't you baby?â rafe looks up your body. there's not much tits there to slap, and rafe always prefers to bend you over his knee and punish your ass instead.
âmhm, but i liked it so you stopped.â you giggle, remembering how you moaned when rafes palm hit your nipples.
âmy dirty girl.â rafe shakes his head, moving his thumb to your clit, keeping your cunt pulled apart with his other hand so he can see all of you. sure, it's part of his daily morning inspections to check your cunt, but he usually just pushes a finger in and claims it's good.
âdaddy?â you whimper out, a rush of wetness flooding your pussy.
âwhat is it baby? don't you want me to touch your little clit since im gonna be gone for work for hours.â
âyeah.â you whine, nodding your head as his finger thrusting inside of you moves faster, resisting the urge to add a second, loving how it's just his cock that stretches you open.Â
âgood girl. you deserve a kiss.â rafe says, and you pucker your lips, waiting for him to bend over your body, but rafe drops down lower, pressing a kiss directly over your clit.
âdaddy!â you squeal, back arching off the bed. despite always touching your pussy, rafe rarely gives you head, preferring to get right to fucking you.
rafe moves his thumb to help keep you spread open, stretching the skin around your cunt as his tongue flicks out, rubbing over your clit, now tasting your wetness as well as hearing it with every push of his finger inside of you, a sick squelching sound filling the room.
âcan i-can i touch your hair daddy?â you manage to ask, fingers twitching.
âno.â rafe smirks, his voice vibrating your clit as he barely pulls away to speak.
âo-okay.â you grip the bed sheets instead, wishing you could push rafes head further into your pussy, but you know better than to disobey an order.
âcan feel you clenching âround my finger.â rafe laughs against your cunt.
âfeels so good.â you mumble, used to waking up in the morning to rafe inspecting your pussy, but it's never this much as you moan, thighs twitching with the urge to close.
âtoo bad you're not gonna cum.â rafe sighs, pulling his mouth and finger suddenly out, sitting up.
âno!â you scream out. âno, daddy, please, ive been so good, let me cum, please!â
rafe sighs, leaning over your body to press a kiss to your lips. âsorry, princess, gotta go to work.â
rafe glances at the clock. truth is, he has plenty of time to make you cum, knowing you're only seconds away, but he likes the idea of keeping you wet and horny for him, ready to thrust his cock into the moment he gets back from work.
âand remember princess.â he taps your nose, making your eyes flutter before focusing on rafe. âif you touch yourself while im gone, there will be punishments.â
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#rafe smut#rafe cameron smut#obx smut#outer banks smut#rafe fic#rafe fanfic#rafe fanfiction#rafe cameron fic#rafe cameron fanfic#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe x you#rafe x y/n#rafe x reader#rafe x oc#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron x y/n#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron x oc#rafe drabble#rafe blurb#rafe imagine#rafe one shot#rafe cameron drabble#rafe cameron blurb#rafe cameron imagine#rafe cameron one shot
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Request for Izuku coming to the readers dorm because he needed them to patch him up because training was tough and he decided to not go to recovery girl for some reason(basically just a patching up fic w izukuđ)
âNO GRAVE CAN HOLD MY BODY DOWN, IâLL CRAWL HOME TO HER.â
ŕłŕż izuku midoriya x reader.
summary: what the ask says :)
disclaimers: established realtionship, izuku is sillyâŚ. mentions of bones being broken/other injuries, thatâs all i believe! reader is kinda suggested to be femaleâŚ
a/n: AWWW this might be my favourite ask yet! thank u đ¤ i hope i wrote this exactly to your liking.
â-
izuku hated relying on others. he never liked being a bother, even to those who insist he can always go to them if he ever needs anything). itâs one of his flaws, he thinks.
carrying the weight of one for all on his shoulders constantly was a reminder just how much he needed to learn how to be more independent. the broken bones, harsh sparring with his classmates, recovery girl visits. he really needs to learn how to patch himself upâŚ
currently, he sat in his own dorm. groaning to himself as he moved slightly, muscles incredibly sore. the boy slowly lifted his shirt up, revealing the bruises and small cuts he received after training for hours. as he lifted his hands up to brush his hair back, he got an idea. a very smart one!
âshe wouldnât be too mad, right?â izuku mumbled to himself as he sluggishly stood up, making his way to your dorm.
the walk was long and treacherous (itâs a minute walk). as izuku finally stood in front of your dorm, he thought about your reaction. you are a very caring person. youâll definitely be easygoing about this!
-
âare you kidding me izuku?!â your jaw dropped at the sight of your disheveled boyfriend who only smiled sheepishly. you immediately turned into scolding y/n mode, rambling on and on about how he should take it easy.
âi knew youâd be a bit mad⌠iâm sorry.â
your boyfriends words made you falter in your speech as you took in the weight of the situation. he had simply gone too far in training.
instead of going to someone else, he came to you? the thought made you frown in a caring matter. you looked at him closely. his eyes glistened, looking like heâs more hurt about your reaction instead from his own wounds. his white shirt had splotches of grass and dirt on it. you couldnât help but feel responsible for your lover in this moment. you knew he only worked hard to be stronger for you and himself.
âcome in, no- donât lay on that. your shirt is covered with dirt. take it off!â you spoke to him in a exaggerated tone.
izuku froze in his movements, thinking about what you just said to him. heâs not in middle school anymore, why is he getting flustered right now?! izuku curses teenage hormones for existing.
rather too quickly for his liking: izukuâs face flushed and he nervously toyed with his shirt, âtake it off?!â
âyes. babe.â you looked at him with a puzzled expression, holding a small first aid kit in your hand (you made it for izuku at the very start of the school year after learning that he often injures himself). âi need to see where your hurt.â
âoh⌠right!â
it took him a minute to compose himself, his shyness taking over as he carefully took off his shirt. the act made you almost want to laugh as youâve seen him without a shirt on multiple occasions.
your giggly mood was completely knocked away when you took in the sight of a rather red slash on his lower abdomen.
you moved towards your boyfriend who sat against your bed frame, legs spread as if anticipating you to settle yourself in between them. thatâs exactly what you did.
âwhoa, what the hell happened here?â
âlanded on a piece of rock while jumping⌠scratched myself. i already did hydrotherapy like you said, i didnât have the materials to do anything else though.â
you hummed at his words, picking up a antibiotic and placing it on izukus wound with your right hand. he hissed at the sting and you rubbed his side with your left hand in an attempt to comfort him. it worked. izuku relaxed at the feeling of your touch on his skin.
the room was quiet, lights slightly dim, as you worked. placing gauze and then bandage around his abdomen, wrapping it twice for good measure.
you looked up, softly grabbing your boyfriends face and turning it left to right.
izuku stared at you with his bright green eyes and you blushed under his stare. you felt him toy with the bottom of your top, fiddling with the material.
âstop distracting me, iâm trying to check for cuts.â
âsorry! youâre just so pretty⌠and a really good doctor.â
you let a grin and cackle slip at his words. he laughed at your reaction, watching you carefully as you stood up. you moved towards your wardrobe and opened a drawer. izuku tilted his head in wonder, what were you doing?
you pulled out a shirt and a pair of pj pants. izuku intrigued at the items. those were both his, when had he put them in your drawer?
âoh, you left them after you slept here. i just figured i should give your stuff its own drawer.â
izuku hadnât realized he spoke out loud and he only stared at you in silent shock. you were too good for him.
you tossed the clothes towards him as he rested against your pillows, staring at you in adoration.
âwhat?â you plopped down beside him, nudging his bicep as he looked down at you.
âyouâre too good for me. thank you.â
you lit up at his loving words. if there was one thing izuku was perfect at, it was making you feel loved unconditionally no matter what.
âoh stop, youâre too good for me.â
âwe could argue about this for hours, just accept it.â
âum no! everyone knows youâre too good for me.â
âiâll start rambling about you if you donât stop.â
â⌠and who says i wouldnât like that?â
izuku paused, a grin slowly creeping up on his face at your serious expression.
you cracked, turning into a laughing fit and he laughed with you, holding you in his arms. the pain that he felt in his muscles not too long ago had seemingly faded away as soon as he held you in his embrace. your warmth and love felt as though it healed him.
izuku hated relying on others. but, he knows no matter what â youâll always make sure he knows he can rely on you for anything.
#mha#mha x reader#bnha fluff#bnha x reader#mha fluff#bnha#boku no hero academia#izuku fluff#izuku midoriya fluff#deku fluff#deku x reader#deku#izuku midoriya#izuku x reader#izuku midoria x reader#izuku angst#izuku smut#deku angst#deku smut#mha oneshot#mha headcanons#mha angst#mha scenarios#mha imagines#mha smut#mha spoilers#my hero academia#my hero academia x reader#boku no hero acedamia#bnha oneshot
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the start of something beautiful | a lando norris social media au
pairing: lando norris x private!reader (fc: tyla)
lando is spotted with an unknown woman, and everyone thinks sheâs another fling. however, later revealed as naomi campbellâs daughter, lando's fans slowly start to love her despite her tendency to be private.
notes: btw, iâm so sorry iâve been mia for a while! honestly, i have a ton of drafts iâve written over the time i didnât post, but i lowkey hate all of them lmao. anyways, hope you enjoy this fluff :)
disclaimer: swearing. photos not mine. OLD PIC OF JAZ AND ROSS (yes itâs a warning bc iâm still mourning that relationship, and ik iâm not the only one). there are a few mistakes in the tweets that i was too lazy to fix lol. also, i hope the flow doesnât feel too rushed!
masterlist
yourusername
liked by landonorris, yourbestie and 138 others
yourusername đ¸
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yourbestie đ
âł yourusername đ
yourbestie framing these pics brb đđ
f1gossip
2,993 likes
f1gossip We received these photos of Lando and a girl today! It looks like the same girl he has been spotted with for the past 3 months, but itâs still unclear who it is. âď¸
View all 202 comments
user three months of them being pictured AND YET NONE CLEARLY CAPTURE HER FACE. thatâs some bs
âł user no deadass bc you guys had one job đ
user lmaoooo i know the delulu fans are crying that sheâs still here
user Are we sure it's the same girl? Lmfao even if it is, he's probably going to get tired of her soon!
user god i hope people learn and treat her better than how they treated luisinha
landonorris
liked by maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc and 759,301 others
landonorris First time trying wakeboarding đ¤
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user happy lando >>>
user Whereâs your girlfriend
user not the red bull life vest lmfaoo
user lando rlly said hereâs some shirtless pics to distract u
âł user frrr but like itâs not working đ
f1gossip
12,321 likes
f1gossip Naomi Campbell and daughter, Y/N Campbell, making an appearance at todayâs GP! It's presumed that Y/N is dating Mclaren driver, Lando Norris. Our sources in the paddock mentions that the two visited the Mercedes, Ferrari, and Mclaren garages before the race. đ
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user i'm literally in love w her she's soo beautiful đ
user this actually makes sense that they knew each other since naomi has been connected to f1 for a while now
user I would be unstoppable if I looked like her.
user she looks so kind đĽşđĽş
user oh the things i would do to reincarnate as a wealthy personâs child
user i was there and got to meet her and iâd just like to say that iâd go to war for her
landoupdates
7,626 likes
landoupdates Max, Lando, and Y/N (seen in second photo, far right) with fans at an after party! We received these pictures a few minutes ago, and the fan included âY/N mostly stood behind as Max and Lando were asked for photos but she was so so kind !! Although you can tell she likes to keep to herself, she told me she thought my dress was cute and even got Landoâs attention for me so I could ask for a picture đ Also, he kept holding her hand !!!â
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user her face card is insane.
user now that we know she's naomi's daughter, i can't believe we didn't see it before LOL
user âhe kept holding her handâ đđđđđ
user I have never wanted someone to go off private so bad đŠ
user honestly sheâs my new fav wag
user itâs the way everyone loves her rn lmaoooo
user LANDO CAN YOU FIGHT
f1gossip
11,234 likes
f1gossip Lando, Ginge, and Ethan possibly alluding to Landoâs new relationship with Y/N in the recent Quadrant video đđ
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user not them clowning him đ
user i mean we all know by now that theyâre together but this was the cherry on top
user melting over how he couldnât stop smiling đĽš
user the fact that he kept this clip in đŠđŠ
user I AM ONCE AGAIN ASKING âLANDO CAN YOU FIGHTâ
user I get it đ I also wouldnât be able to hide that Iâm dating Y/N
user perfect example of private but not a secret, in love with them đĽšđĽš
landoupdates
5,389 likes
landoupdates A few photos of Lando and Y/N at the paddock today âşď¸
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user literally my fav couple
user when is he gonna make it officially on insta
âł user My thoughts exactly!! đđ I know not everything has to be posted, but Iâm just excited to see him officially announce it.
user my girl y/n looked so fucking good today
user i just want him to post her solely because i want more y/n pics
âł user LOL youâre so real for that
landonorris
liked by yourusername, angryginge13, georgerussell63 and 1,221,334 others
landonorris We so good â¤ď¸
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user THE HAND PLACEMENT
user not tagging her is criminal đđ
âł user girl whatâs the point when sheâs on private
user When will it be my turn đŠ
user LANDO??? OMFG
user TURN IT UP IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE đđđđđ
user omggg i canât, theyâre goals
user Y/N IS SO CUTE
user i luv my parents
#f1 instagram au#f1 social media au#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#lando norris x reader#lando norris imagine#lando norris instagram au#f1 smau#f1 fic#f1 fanfic#lando norris au#formula 1 x reader
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Sundered (Alt. Ending): CRUSH
Pairing: Gojo x reader - Toji x reader (this part)
⢠Part 1  | Part 2  | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Alt. Ending
Sundered+ (COMMISSION)
Genre:Â Angst
tags/cw:Â angst, babydaddy!gojo, babymomma!reader, motherhood, insecurities, arguments
word count: 5.8k
a/n: here it is! (it's late, sorry. not proofread toođ) im forever grateful to you all who waited and supported the sundered series and for supporting my other stories too. i cant do much but this means so much. ily.
If you never talk to him again, he will miss you forever.
âDo I not deserve it?â You asked him, almost flinching at your words when you promised yourself youâd never ask anyone that. Toji sighed, taking both of your hands and bringing them to his lips. âNot this. You deserve more than this. You deserve to be genuinely happy without sacrificing anything, without feeling spent.â
Your brows furrowed, trying to contain another flood of tears threatening to overflow from your already swollen eyes. Why does it always have to be so hard when it's you? When it was Satoru who tried to move on, he did with Naomi. You wouldnât say it was a breeze for them but you just know it was never this hard.
Naomi and Satoru stayed together for a year, being the family you couldnât give your child. And now you, you couldnât even make it work with Toji. Why do you always have to feel stuck? Why does he refuse to take your hand and pull you out of this void that is slowly sucking you down?
Along with these thoughts, you felt a squeeze in your hand. âY/N?â Toji called, âY/N, itâs gonna be alright.â No, itâs not, you thought. The roof of your mouth tastes bitter against your tongue; so bitter that it burns. âItâs not. But itâs alright. I just donât want you to feel burdened with this, alright?â You reached up to his face, eyes wandering.
âIâm sorry.â You felt selfish. You felt so selfish for not thinking about how this void of yours could pull him down with you instead of him pulling you up. You felt so selfish for wanting him to keep hurting just so you could feel safe. âIâm sorry I dragged you into this, I didnât realize it would be this hard on you too.â Your throat feels tight all of a sudden.
You stepped away from him, sniffing as you wiped your tears away. You couldnât remember what else he said, you couldn't remember how you ended up in that room alone, crying as you clutched your chest, blaming yourself for wearing out such a good man.
You couldnât remember, or more like you chose not to carve into your memory how that day ended. The only image you can see in your head is how he cuddled you to sleep, woke you up to eat with him and the kids, and went home. You remember him saying that they could always visit. And you hated yourself for doubting him.
Now you smooth out the bed, rearranging the pillows and gaslighting yourself that youâve been the only one sleeping on it all this time just so it wouldn't feel so unfamiliar. You changed the sheets and prayed you wouldnât wake up in the middle of the night, reaching for the man you love.Â
And the fact that this wouldnât be the first time that you would do soâŚ
You remembered how you would wake up and break down at midnights during the first few months of your separation from Satoru, weeping as you ran to your daughterâs crib just to remind yourself to be stronger, locking your phone away to not call and embarrass yourself in front of him and his then-new girlfriend again.
You heard the sound of the video your daughter was watching as she sat on the bean bag in the corner of your room. âMama, look it.â You heard her tiny footsteps tap the floor as she ran to you, holding the phone out. The screen flashed with Tojiâs caller ID, âThank you, baby.â You kissed her cheek as you picked her up to sit her on your lap.Â
âYeah?,â You answered, hearing a sigh from the other end. You pulled your toddler closer to you just as she started to move near the edge of the bed. You that your voice didnât sound hoarse at all. You didnât cry as hard as you did with Satoru, but it was painful enough that you had to pause some chores just so you could think of a solution to fix it.Â
You doubted there was a fix and if there was, you felt like Toji would only be trying out of pity for you.
Youâre tired of that. You donât want people to feel sorry for you anymore. You feel like youâve been nothing but pitiful every year of your life. Your dad gave up on you and your mother, your baby daddy gave up on your relationship with him and now you feel like you caused Toji to give up on you too.Â
Your brows bumped together at the thoughts and you were quick to shake your head, hoping it would shed off the searing pain in your chest as well. You can't have self-pity when you have a child. Youâre determined to be better for her. Your index finger found its place on your lips, listening to your exâs voice.
âJust wanna know how youâre doing.â You wanted to laugh, not to mock him but because you donât really know how to explain how you feel to him. You decided to answer it from the surface, âI am okay, surprisingly.â You sniffed, hearing a sigh from the other end of the line and a tiny laugh from Megumi, probably watching something on his iPad.Â
You would say itâs too early for him to call you, but this whole breakup isnât even like the normal ones. You broke up for each other's well-being. Not because you fought, not because one of you cheated, not because you just started to hate each other. You broke up wanting only the best for each other.
âI know this is for the best.â You wanted to help Toji feel better about this decision. You could tell that there was guilt on his part. He probably feels like what he did was just an inch kinder than Satoruâs way of leaving you. That would eat him inside. The last thing Toji wants to do is shatter all your progress.
âI donât feel the best about it.â There was no hint of amusement in his chuckle, no trace of smile in his words. You donât even know if he meant to say he feels bad for doing this to you. You donât want to assume that heâs not doing better away from you because youâre pretty sure heâs more relaxed now that he doesnât have to worry about his girlfriend thinking of someone even when sheâs with him.Â
âPlease, donât dwell on it. I, uh, I have thought things through and itâs⌠itâs just getting kind of lighter for me.â You blinked away each tear that came with the lies that are flowing out of your tongue. Itâs not getting any lighter. If anything, the crushing weight is still continuously pressing down on you and you know any time soon, you might break down in this phone call.
âI donât know if I can trust your wordsâŚâ Aside from the fact that it has only been a day, Toji thought back on your last conversation before you broke up. Heâs well-aware of your tendencies to push all of your feelings aside because you blame yourself for the fall of your relationship. You would probably shoulder all of this again, like you did with your separation from Satoru.
Toji isnât all clean here but he doesnât know how to get that to you. You can be very stubborn when it comes to these things especially when it concerns your past. Itâs an unhealed part of you and Toji canât help but feel like your previous arguments, his words toÂ
you and how he made you feel contributed to it rather than alleviate it.
âToji, this isn't good for me. For us,â Youâre not talking about your relationship with him but itâs about him contacting you. âI know that weâre still good, we broke up to save each other,â you laughed half-heartedly, âOur kids are friends, of course, we canât just throw that away, but for nowâŚâ You took a deep breath.
âFor now, letâs give each other space. Iâm not mad at you, I could never hate you but, Toji, this isnât helping me at all.â The crack in your voice sent a blow to Tojiâs heart, âIâŚI want to be able to talk to you, see you and visit Megumi with Yui without feeling the guilt of letting something so good slip away so, please...â You took a deep, painful breath.
âLetâs just give each other some space. Just until I have picked myself up again.â You covered your mouth, desperate to turn away from your child whoâs been starting to glance at you. Tojiâs silence felt like it could squeeze you, like a soundless bubble getting smaller and smaller around you.Â
âIâm sorry. IâŚI shouldnât have called.â Of course, youâre not fine, Is he out of his mind? The voices in Tojiâs head knocked sense into him as he realized what he did. How could he be so insensitive? Is it because he knows of his crimes, the source of his guilt and how he didnât think it would affect him as much as it does now?
Now, even this breakup feels selfish. How could he just decide to leave when youâve been trying so hard? Heâs not different from your baby daddyârunning away when they couldnât handle the pressure, leaving you to clean up after the mess. Toji closed his eyes tight, clearing his head, begging himself to say the right words and make the correct decisions.
âIâIâm still here for you always, alright? Take care, Y/N. Kiss Yui good night for me.â He spoke slowly, fighting the loss in the empty space heâs staring at, absorbing your soft hums and apology as he continued, âIâm sorry.â Iâm sorry, baby. It took every fiber in his baby not to say it like that. For your sake. And for him.Â
If you never talk to him again, he will miss you forever.
You put the phone down, feeling your daughterâs head on your chest as she stared up at you. Your mother once said that children do not understand these things yet but they feel their parentsâ pain when it happens. And just like that, itâs almost as if your baby girl can read you. Her eyes says that she wants to help but doesnât know how because she doesnât eve understand it.
âMama sad?â Her voice was small, itâs amazing that even at her age she knows how to try and soothe you. She knows that this is not the time to be playful without even knowing the situation. All she knows is that her mother is sad and crying. âNo, mamaâs just tired.â You smiled at her and for the first time she seems hesitant to reciprocate it.
âMama sleep.â She got suddenly, bouncing her way to the spot next to you as she gets into a curled sleeping position. Sheâs a smart child. You laid down next to her, cuddling her small frame for as long as she can sit still but it wasnât long before she was playing again, forgetting about it all. Sheâs still a baby after all. But this kid right here is the one who will always pull you out of the waters.
You wished that you could forget and get over this as quickly as this baby does, You wished it would all just fly out of your mind, that you could just throw up all of the pain out of your heart. You wished that you could just dust off the broken pieces of your relationship from your clothes, that you could scrub away the pain in the shower and watch it flow down the drain.
âââââââââ-
âLook, I know Yuiâs always been our priority but if you need a bit of time for yourself, you know you can leave Yui with me.â Satoru came earlier than expected. You can tell that heâs trying to stay inside the âboundariesâ as he struggled to find the right words to say about your breakup with Toji.
âYou should take a break from work, if you think thatâs what you need, I will-â You placed a hand on his arm, stopping him. Satoru doesnât want to seem like heâs taking advantage of the situation, thatâs the last thing he wants to do. As painful as it is to admit it, he knows that you love Toji.Â
âThanks. But itâs alright. Weâre good, weâre justâŚnot dating anymore.â You forced out a laugh, trying to make it better than how it really is. Itâs clear to Satoru that youâre having a hard time. He could see it in your face, your eyes. Satoru remembered those times when he would do anything just to avoid looking at you and seeing how badly he broke you.
He was heartless for letting himself make you feel like that. He was stupid for letting you feel like that.Â
âThanks. But itâs alright. Weâre good, weâre justâŚnot dating anymore.â You let out a laugh, retracting your hand away as you reached for the towel to wipe your daughterâs food-stained cheek. âMegumi and Yui still play together, I mean theyâre besties now, right?â Yui giggled at the mention of her friend.
As much as Satoru wants to have another chance with you, he just doesnât think he would deserve it just like that. Also, he doesnât think he can see you like this everyday. Now he wants to talk to Toji. If itâs because of his interactions with you then Satoru himself would volunteer to give the big guy the assurance he wants.Â
It would be painful for Satoru but to see you so dull makes him want to give up his fight. If he even has some. His friends, mostly Shoko, already told him that he already lost all his chances. âYouâre not a cat. You donât get nine lives in this Satoru.â She would say and Suguru would quickly add âYou used to have nine lives, actually. But youâre a dead man to her now.â It was playful but depressing talk but valid butâŚsad.
It was everything but playful to Satoru, no matter how much his friends tried to lighten up the delivery, it still felt like playing darts with his heart. Because he knows how much truth those words hold. He would smile and shake his head. His friends are never the ones to sugarcoat shit.Â
After saying goodbye to Y/N with his baby girl, Satoru canât help but feel curious about your breakup. Heâs almost a hundred percent sure that itâs Tojiâs decision because of how you are right now. He doubts that youâd be the one to break it off. Youâre a fighter, he knows that. He hates that you have to deal with these cowards of men who only know how to break.
But of course, Tojiâs more deserving than him. Thatâs the bitter truth. Toji left for your good, while SatoruâŚjust gave up on you back then. He will regret it for the rest of his life if he doesnât get you back.Â
Get you back. He felt like a villain, hoping that you were the first to initiate the split. That would give Satoru so much hope. Thinking about why you did it (if you did), taunts him into assuming that maybe you still have something with him. But this isnât right. No. Satoru should be better than this. Your happiness comes first. Even if itâs not with him.
Satoru swallowed the rushing mix of emotions that fogged his mind as he drives. It felt like swallowing needles, allowing them to go straight to his cracking heart. Itâs almost impossible now, huh, to get you back? Even when youâre single again, it still feels impossible. Why is he even imagining it?
Shaking his head, he successfully parked his car, clapping his hands as he looked at Yui through the rearview mirror. âLetâs go now, my heart~â He sing-songed and the toddler eagerly reached up to him. âTomorrow we go back to Mama, alright? Sheâs kinda sad, isnât she? We gotta rescue that!â Yui cheered with him, despite not understanding what her father was saying.
Satoru knows that he canât meddle with your relationship with Toji, no matter how much it bothers him. The least he can do is try to brighten your mood. Without any ulterior motives, of course. This is a vulnerable time for you. He doesnât think he can stomach trying to get in through those cracks in your heart because of your failed relationship.Â
Itâs not the right thing to do and thatâs not what a good person who truly cares would do. He can only support you, but he doesnât plan on taking advantage of this situation.Â
â-------------------------------------------------
3 months later
Itâs a blessing to be a mother. Itâs hard too. Especially, when your daughter wonât allow you to have a break from your ex for more than three months. âMama!â She screamed at the top of her lungs for the hundredth time that morning. âI just took your bag, letâs go.â You wished you couldâve taken a picture of her, standing as she held the door of her room open.
âYouâre so big now, baby.â Her birthdayâs in a few months and you feel like crying because it felt like you just gave birth to her yesterday and now sheâs turning three. Time is a thief. You wonder if so much has changed with Tojiâs life too. You wouldnât be shocked if heâs got a new girlfriend. After all, Satoru only took a few weeks to find someone new when you broke up.
That fucking stings. You told yourself and if you werenât holding your daughterâs hand and her bag you would physically clutch your chest. The thought of being so replaceable has been a constant in your mind since Satoru and Naomi.Â
And if it happens with Toji again, youâd probably just close the table for love. You drove to the park, a meeting place you chose for the kids. You donât want to be in Tojiâs house. You donât think you can handle that yet.Â
You wondered if youâd be greeted by some new lady with him, like how Satoru received you with Naomiâs head on his chest. What if they play with the kids instead and leave you out of place during the whole play date? Or what if they leave you to watch the kids while they get some snacks, taking their time to play couple while you wait?
What ifâ A knock on your window broke off your train of thoughts as you took in your surroundings. Thatâs right. Youâve been driving and now youâre at the part. And now Tojiâs shading his eyes, his hand arched over his brows as he tried to see through your windows. âGumi!â Yui squealed, kicking in her car seat as Megumi waved from the outside.Â
Toji was holding him in one hand as his bag hang loosely on Tojiâs shoulder. You rolled the windows down, gulping your anxiety as you thanked the heavens that none of the scenarios in your head came true.Â
âYou spaced out.â He chuckled a bit awkwardly as he smiled at you. Thereâs something new about him. Did he really glow up after leaving you? You almost frowned but you gave him a laugh, trying to think of an excuse as to why youâre sitting absentmindedly in your car a few minutes before meeting with your ex and his child.
âI was trying to remember if I locked our door.â You laughed, gathering your things as you stepped out. âCan I hold that for you?â Toji offered as you opened Yuiâs door. You thanked him softly, trying your best to seem relaxed. You donât know if you should be glad or worried that heâs being so cool.
It could be because he doesnât want to make you feel uncomfortable or because he doesnât really give two shits about your relationship with him that he doesnât even feel uneasy meeting for the first time after you broke up.Â
Or maybe because heâs already moved on to someone else, he just didnât bring her with him because heâs a respectful man. You swore you heard a voice say it and it almost convinced you that itâs your brain that wants you dead. âYui.â Megumiâs neck stretched as he looked over your shoulder for his best friend.
âChill, man. Your long lost bestie will be free in a minute.â He still doesnât fail to make you laugh. You put Yui down and watched the two kids adorably and messily hug. Now youâre glad that you taught them the importance of hugs.Â
âItâs cute that theyâre still comfortable with each other.â You commented, pulling at your clothes as you tried to distract yourself from checking your ex out. Youâre thinking hard to figure out what changed with his look. Aside from his forehead showing as the wind played with his dark hair,Â
âLetâs sit there, near the seesaw. They love that.â The kids were talking in a language only they understand, pointing at stuff before laughing as if it was the funniest thing they saw while to you, it looked like nothing. You would give everything to be a kid again. Just carefree and happy. But seeing your daughter makes you realize you wouldnât have this any other way.
âHow have you been?â He started as you sat down, hugging yourself as you looked ahead at the children. To be honest, you donât know how to answer that. Do you tell him first that you miss him? Or do you tell him first that you got a clearer understanding of the holes in your relationship with him?
âI wonât deny that I missed you.â He chuckled leaning back. âBut I did some reflecting.â He paused, glancing over to you, eyes traveling across your face. âA lot of reflecting actually.â He nodded, licking his lips. Right. Thatâs right, you thought, referring to his looks. Aside from his hair being longer, he lookedâŚsofter. You blinked away your thoughts, clearing your vision.
âIâŚIâm okay.â You donât know how to tell him it couldâve been better if he was still with you. You wondered if your relationship problems wouldâve been gone now if you didnât break up. Would it have been better by now if you kept going? âI missed you, of course. But,â You laughed airily, âIâm getting better.â
You didnât let your breakup with Toji affect you as a mother to Yui. But if youâre talking about yourself. Youâre still trying. You have lived without Toji, of course, you can still keep going now. But your split felt like a crash from cloud nine. Youâve been so soaked with your happiness with him that when he left it felt like you were slowly getting drained and dry.
He walked you into a field of roses and when you returned to your old garden you realized how dull it was. Yui was your sunshine in those days under the dark clouds. She was a sunlight that went out of its way to bring a smile on your face. âItâll get better.â You sighed, glancing at Toji and seeing the solemn look on his face. Does he feel sorry for you? Does he feel guilty for leaving so abruptly as your baby daddy did? Does he feelâ
âIt doesnât feel any better for me at all.â Tojiâs not one to hide the reality of his feelings from people he feels comfortable with. It melts your heart when you think about how he loosens up with you. It makes you feel special. Though, not special enough to fight for.
âIt will. Soon.â You looked down. You know that it wasnât his intention to make you feel as if youâre making him feel guilty for choosing his peace. But it still feels like it and you donât know what to say anymore. Iâm sorry? Iâm sorry that you feel sorry for me? He nodded, smiling so softly. Charming, you thought. You feel sad for the people who don't get to see this. Yes, his smirk can make one feel things but this smileâŚ
The day went by fast, Toji invited you to dinner since a restaurant was nearby but you politely declined. Itâs not that you want to. Itâs just that you have to. One thing that you learned from your heartbreak with Satoru is that the more that you see them, the deeper the shards cut.Â
âMy momâs coming over for dinner. Maybe next time.â Your genuine smile contradicted the lie flowing out of your lips. It was so tempting when he looked like this, but you have to stand your ground. Next time. The two words reverberated inside Tojiâs head and that was enough to push aside the disappointment he felt when you declined.Â
âThatâs alright. Thereâs always a next time.â It sounded as if he was reassuring himself, emphasizing that youâre fine with meeting him and Megumi again next time. This is enough for now. After all, he still has to reflect on a couple of things regarding your breakup. But everything always seems to be pointing him back to you.Â
âââââââââ
âJust call me when youâre ready to go, and Iâll pick you up.â Satoruâs words before he left you and Yui earlier started to get twisted inside Tojiâs head. Now that Toji has let you go, Satoruâs just waiting for your go signal so he can pick you up again. He swallowed dryly, faking a smile when you looked back at him, laughing at whatever the kids did that he didnât see.
Time flew by fast but that image of you leaning towards Satoru so that he could give his daughter a kiss as he said that to you has been stuck in Tojiâs head all day. The kids were drinking juice with small towels around their shoulders. âI can, uh, I can just drive you home, you know? I mean, so that Satoru wouldnât have to drive all the way here again.â He suggested, wiping off some of the water droplets in his sonâs body.
âItâs alright, heâs already on his way anyway and he owes Yui a kitty cake that they didnât get to buy last time.â You smiled at him, before asking to leave to give Yui a quick warm shower. Toji wouldâve wanted to chat a bit more with you. Just spend more time with you. He couldnât ask for so much of it now. It felt like it would be too much of an imposition for him to do so.Â
After a couple of minutes, the doorbell rang and he placed Megumi on one of the rugs, reminding him to stay there so he wonât slip. He sighed, running to his gate, knowing that it would be Satoru and of course, since youâre still getting Yui ready, the polite thing to do is to let him sit and maybe, entertain your baby daddy a bit.
âOh, come on in. Sheâs just getting Yui ready.â His voice was almost monotonous, the nod of his head was another way to be a bit more âfriendlyâ to the guy. âYou a fan of iced tea?â Toji cleared his throat with Satoru following behind him. Megumi was still on the rug, staring off into space. Toji canât help but laugh when Satoru waved a hand at his face.
âYui Dad.â He looked up, waving his small hand despite the blank look on his face. âHe really looks like you.â Satoru commented, âExcept his hair.â Toji placed a pitcher on the counter, pouring a glass for the man, something he didnât think he would ever do. âIâm glad you and Y/N are doing better,â Toji spoke after a couple of minutes of silence.Â
âYeah,â Satoru nodded, holding Megumiâs hand as he tried to walk towards Toji. âWeâre getting more used to this co-parenting thing. Figured out it was healthier for all of us when weâre not constantly arguing about something.â Toji doesnât know if itâs right to say it but it already came out of his mouth before he realized it.
âThe both of you single made it better, eh?â He didnât mean it to start something with Satoru again, itâs just that that is the first thing that popped up in his head when he heard him. âYes and No.â Satoru answered before he could even back it up with something lighthearted. âMe being single, yes. Because Naomi was basically a wedge, one cause of the problems that used to arise between us. And no, because no problem arises directly from you regarding those arguments.â He shrugged, taking a sip before continuing.Â
âActually, I donât even know why you broke up with her, if Iâm going to be frank I trusted you with my family already, why did you even left her?â Heâs saying a lot more now than before. Definitely a healthier man. And he seems like heâs back to his real self now. Toji might even assume heâs drunk if only you didnât mention that he doesnât handle liquor well.
âIâm not trying to guilt-trip you, alright? I want you to love her because you truly love her, but come on, man, thereâs no threat.â Yui definitely takes after her father. Very talkative, Toji thought. Inhaling, he gathered his thoughts and which aspect of what Satoru has said he should focus on, âI donât know.â Was his short answer.Â
âI mean⌠I was worried. I donât know if sheâs really over you. I donât want her to keep hurting by my side.â It was quiet. Satoru didnât speak, allowing Toji to continue. âPlus, I fear that she will forever feel like she just comes second to my wife. To be honest, I feel that with her too. With you being her first.â Toji felt surprised at his honesty. He just hopes that you wonât overhear this.
âYouâre the present. Iâm her past.â It felt bitter for Satoru to say, âIâm starting to accept that now. Iâm just contented that I can be with my daughter and that I take care of them even from the sidelines.âÂ
But Satoru would forever wish it didn't have to be like that.Â
âIâm not playing matchmaker. I just want whatâs best for her. Even if itâs not me, Toji.â He stood up, sighing as he heard footsteps coming closer. You came in struggling to carry a barefoot, laughing little girl, a towel and her bag. âDada!â She screamed with a smile as she tries to get away from you. âYouâll slip!â You warned her and Satoru quickly went closer to take her in his arms.Â
Toji sat there for a minute more, processing the manâs words. The best for you. If heâs going to ask Satoru about it, heâd say that if he has to pick someone for Y/N, Toji will be a top candidate. Aside from the fact that heâs a good man who truly cares for her, he also easily understands your situation because he has a child of his own too.
Itâs safe to say that right now, youâre the only man that Satoru feels is safe to leave his daughter and baby momma with. His past mistakes and horrible decisions put him in this place and the least that he could do to make it all up to you is support you and whatever makes you happy as long as itâs good for you and his child.
âWeâll be going now, thank you, Toji.â Only then has Toji realize that heâs been staring at the three of you now and his baby boy whoâs trying to hug Yui as her father puts on her shoes. âUh, yeah. Let me walk you guys out.â He licked his lips, blinking fast as he tried to snap himself back to reality. âCome on, Megs. After this, you take a bath, alright?â He picked him up, wrapping a towel around his body.
âCome again. Please.â Satoru laughed as the little boy waved, probably worried that it would take months for his little friend to come over again. âSheâll be back soon, bro. Chill.â Thatâs wild, Toji thought, He just called my son âbroâ. Before you could even get on the other side of the car, Toji has made up his mind. âUhm, Y/N.â You looked up at him, for some reason, eyes shining with what seemed to beâŚhope.
âCan we come over sometime?â Megumiâs little cheer made your smile wider, nodding at them, âOf course..â You felt like a teen, worried that you answered too quickly, âAnything for that âgumi smile.â You played it off cool but kept your eyes on Toji the whole time.Â
You didnât hear anything about what he and Satoru talked about. But it was nice to know that theyâre starting to get along. Inside, Satoru was fixing his daughterâs things, somehow glad that he couldnât hear whatever the of two of you were talking about because no matter how happy he is for you, heâd always break into smaller pieces each time he saw you smile and look at Toji like that.
He knows. Because you used to look at him like that.Â
Albeit, crossed with pain and longing, you used to look at him with so much love. Overflowing. And then, along with the tears he caused. It felt like acid in his stomach, threatening to spill out of his mouth whenever he thought of what you went through because of him. But now youâre happy.Â
He didnât know that love would show him that some people are worth being pulverized for. Â
The car door opened just as he pretended to find something inside the glove compartment and he swallowed the pang in his chest at the glow on your face. âGumi, babye! Gumi, babye!â His child screams behind him, waving her hands back at her playmate. âYou ready to go?â He asked you and you hummed, glee evident even in the small sound.Â
With that, the two of you waved at Toji and Megumi, pulling out of their driveway. You smiled at the shared nods between Toji and Satoru before speeding down the road to the bakery where Satoru usually buy Yuiâs cakes. Your mind kept going back to Toji. Maybe youâre being delusional but you canât help but feel like he had to gather the courage to ask you that very last-minute question.Â
He feels like aâŚhigh school crush.Â
And maybe heâs being a high school crush because a week later, he shows up at your doorstep dressed like a heartthrob with a kid in oversized sunglasses and a bouquet of flowers in his hand.
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#angst#gojo satoru#gojo x reader#gojo angst#gojo x you#gojo satoru angst#gojo satoru x you#gojo satoru x reader#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen angst#jjk#jjk x reader
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could you do a plug! eren x reader where eren gets super overprotective đŠˇ
yesss ofc! im sorry this took a while i just had to get some damn motivation đ i been slacking.. my bad pookies!
his hands stayed wrapped around your waist as you walked through the mall, he promised to take you on a shopping spree. and right now the only thing you really needed were shoesâ so foot locker it was.
it was like eren could sense all the stares you were getting, in his eyes those tiny ass the shorts you wore barely covered up anything.. (he was just being dramatic, the shorts werenât that tiny but he still hated them.) he made a mental note to toss the shorts out as soon as you two made it home.
he tried getting you to change before you guys even arrived at the mall, but of course you werenât going to listen to himâ you never did. thatâs one of the characteristics he loved about you but that didnât make it any less annoying.
when you finally reached the famous shoe store, you couldnât hide your excitement. youâd always been a sneaker head after all, always having the newest pair of dunks or jordanâs, a lot of people envied you because of it honestly, but oh well.
you couldnât resist snatching out of erenâs hold and practically running towards the shoes on display. the dunks that youâd been wanting for months finally dropped, and you just had to get them before they sold out.
âma you know how i feel âbout you walkinâ off on your own,â he made his way back over to you, annoyance evident on his face. eren hated when you did this, he wanted(needed) to be by your side at all times. why couldnât you understand that?
âim sorry babyyy, i just really need to check if they have my size!â you bent over to take the shoe off the rackâ completely forgetting that your shorts were the type to rise up when you did so.
you didnât think too much about it and stayed in your current positionâ throughly inspecting the shoe. the color looked better online but shit, it was still cute.
eren eventually got tired of standing, he knew how you got when it came to shoes. heâd be standing there for a whole damn hour fucking with you, so he just sat down on one of the benches used to try on shoes.
he always got so bored coming to stores with you because you always tuned him out and wandered off on your own. you were addicting to shopping and even more addicted to shoes.. the only thing he could do was sit down and go on his phone, since youâd clearly be taking forever.
you were so focused on the baby blue shoes that you hardly even noticed anyoneâs presence behind you, turns out one of the workers had been eyeing you for quite a while now.. waiting for his chance to make a move. your beauty caught him off guard and he knew he couldnât let a fine thing like you just walk away.
âhello welcome, did you need help with- oh god damn..â
that was enough to finally get erenâs attention off his phone as his eyes snapped towards the scrawny dude licking his lipsâ enjoying the sight of your shorts working against you.
with a low chuckle your man stood from his seat, slowly inching towards you to make his presence known. he snatched you by your waistâ easily causing your form to straighten out. he took his eyes off you for one second and youâre bent over with them little ass shorts on?
he had half a mind to just fuck you right here and now to let all these muhâ fuckaâs know who you belong to, but luckily he had enough self restraint.
âiâll kill you right now man, ion even play like that. better walk yoâ ass on somewhere,â eren slightly lifted his black teeâ flashing his gun that was strapped on his waist. he roughly yanked you behind him so the fucker wouldnât dare to look at you again, and the only thing you could do was let him.
not that you wouldâve resited anyway, you loved when eren got aggressive like this (not that youâd ever admit it).
âo-oh thatâs you? i apologize i didnât-â
ââfuck up talkinâ to me yo, you got five seconds to walk away before i put a bullet in you.â one death glare from eren was enough to send the worker running off in fear.
you stayed silent because you knew better than to say anything when he got like this, you were in for it once you got back home.. thatâs for sure.
âfuck those shoes, weâre leaving. and as soon as we get in the car i want them shorts off,â
#maloraâs works!#reqâs đ#inbox answered <3#whewww let me know how i did yall idk how i feel about this#plug!eren#plug!eren x reader#aot x reader#aot fluff#aot smut#eren jaeger smut#eren jaeger x reader#eren x reader#eren yeager x reader#inbox đĽ
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Hello lovely,
I saw your post that your requests are open, so I will give it a try =)
Imagine Bucky and reader are best friends but they have a huge argument and now they don't talk to each other for days. She's feeling really bad, missing him. He is her most important person and now without interacting with him for days, she's feeling lost and lonely and heartbroken. Maybe she has not a super power and is only a normal human, helping the Avengers with IT or something. Due to the argument with her best friend and not talking to Bucky (Bucky ignores her completely) she begins to feel it not only mental but also physically. She can't eat probably and at the end falls deathly sick.... With a fluffy happy ending and a worried and protective Bucky
Please. That would be nice.
Take care honey
oh my goodnessâ my heart đâ¤ď¸ the angst is gonna hurt, but iâm such a sucker for it. i had so much fun writing this one, thank you for requesting and i hope you like itđĽ°
Love Hurts
⥠Pairing: Beefy!Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader
⥠Summary: You and Bucky get into a heated argument, things are said and done and now he wonât speak to you. You donât think you can handle him ignoring your existence.
⥠Warnings: language, mentions of buckyâs trauma, heavy angst, malnourishment, depression, anxiety/panic attacks, minor injuries, hospitalization, suicidal ideation, self hate, literally hurt just writing this
main masterlist
MINORS DO NOT INTERACT | MATURE CONTENT 18+
Your nails bit into your palm, denting the fleshâ threatening to pierce the delicate skin. It was all to hold yourself back, distract you from the words that wanted to burst out.
It was becoming a sickening routine, Bucky was reckless and had yet another near death experience on his recent mission. The anxiety and the nerves stopping your body from functioningâ the dreaded wait for his jet to arrive back at the compound. You shouldnât have to be used of receiving the call that he had yet again made a reckless moveâ but you were starting to discover a pattern.
It did nothing to ease the panic that swirled in your chest every time he left for missions. Youâd sob, throwing up everything you had eaten that dayâ unable to stomach anything with the idea that Bucky was on a mission. You never found your anxiety to be so severeâ but when Bucky was even mentioned about going on a mission⌠it spiked.
Thatâs where you found yourself in his room, watching him pace the spaceâ avoiding your frustrated stare. You werenât angry at him per sayâ you were angry that he didnât value his life.
âSeriously (Y/n)â you get so worked up over nothing. Iâm here and aliveâ isnât that enough?â He exclaimed, throwing his hands up in frustration.
You pressed your nails tighter to your palm, yet the pain couldnât stop your thundering thoughts.
âYouâre here and alive now, until you do some stupid shit like this again and are dead!â You hissed, trying to keep your voice low but you didnât know how much longer you could control yourself.
He glared at you, squinting his eyes in anger and then rolling his eyes.
âOh for fucks sakeâ can you stop fucking babying me? I can handle myself!â He raised his voice, his metal arm whirring.
âIâm not babying youâ Iâm just scared youâre gonna get yourself killed. Do you care about your life at all?â You asked him aggressively, your voice raising just a tad.
He took a long pause, staring at you with his face void of emotionâ only annoyance.
âNot really.â He admitted.
You were taken back, although you had these conversations with him a time or twenty. It was an ongoing process to get him to slowly love himselfâ his past as The Winter Soldier torturing his soul. He was so convinced he wasnât deserving of anything, not even a roof over his head. It was a struggle to help him, but you werenât going to give up on him.
âYou realize if anything ever happened to you Iââ Your voice broke, needing a breath, âBuck I wouldnât know what to do with myself.â
You thought you saw his eyes flash with guilt, but before you could linger on the look for too longâ his face was hardening again.
âThat doesnât sound like my problem.â He mumbled out, making your eyes widen.
You were extremely taken back from those words, your chest aching painfullyâ him not knowing what effect those words had on you.
âAre you fucking serious?â You asked him, your face morphing into a hurt expression, mixed with anger. âCan you just do your job without trying to kill yourself?â
His face grew red with rage and he was stomping up towards youâ his face inches from yours.
âI am doing my jobâ very well in fact. Unlike you who just fucking sits here doing nothing!â He defended himself, his breath hitting your face in warm pants.
âDoing nothing? Buckâ why are you like this?â You puffed your chest, not backing down from his towering form.
But your words seemed to have hit a nerve, as he shrunk back slightly, narrowing his gaze at you.
âLike what?â
You furrowed your brows, slowing your racing heart from the shoutingâ you werenât sure you had said anything bad. Did you?
âWhat?â You squeaked out, nervous now.
âYou said, why am I like this⌠like what?â He pushed, stepping closer to you now, his face still red with anger but you could see the hurt in his eyes.
You swallowed and wondered how to convince him you didnât mean anything bad by what you said. But you were almost positive it would be an impossible task to get Bucky to listen.
âBuck, I didnât mean anythinââ
âWhatâ you think Iâm not capable of doing my job? You think Iâm still the monster hydra made me?â He spat, his chest rising and falling quicker.
âNo, no Buck listenââ
That was definitely not what you meant, you could tell he was spiraling and you were still confused as to why. You would never make him think that.
âAfter 70 fucking years I finally have a job that I likeâ that I enjoy doingâ I fucking help people! Iâm finally doing some good and now youâre telling me Iâm not capable of doing it?â He boomed, his chest puffing into yours and your stumbled back slightly. âYou think Iâm only capable of being a monster? Huh? Is that what you fucking think?â
You were growing scared now, the look in his eyes wild with something and you didnât like how close he was to youâ you knew heâd never hurt you but your fear overwhelmed your senses.
âFridayâ call Steve and Sam in here now!â You shouted into the room, and Buckyâs eyes squinted painfullyâ his metal arm whirring again.
Bucky only saw one thingâ you didnât reassure him that he was thinking irrationally. You didnât correct him that he wasnât the monster. Instead you called for help, that you were clearly scaredâ because you thought he was a monster.
He was at a loss for words and just stared at you, almost through youâ as his breathing was only getting heavier at the sight of your fearful eyes.
Not even minutes later, Steve and Sam were busting through the door, taking in the scene and separated you and Bucky.
âHeyâ whatâs going on?â Steve asked in between the two of you. âBuck, whatâs wrong man?â
You couldnât seem to find the words and just stood speechless as wellâ the fight startling you. This was one of the worst ones, and it was also one that still left you confused. You cursed yourself for not being careful enough with your wordsâ but it was almost impossible to get through to him when he was on the brink of having an episode.
Sam walked closer to you, his facing morphing into concern as he took in your shocked expression.
â(Y/n)? You okay? Did he hurt you?â Sam whispered, keeping his words only between you two.
You slowly shook your head but still didnât respond verbally.
âOkay, okay thatâs good. You wanna go get a drink from downstairs? Why donât we take a breather okay?â Sam suggested softly, big brother mode kicking in at the sight of your frazzled state.
Without another word, you left the room with Samâ missing the devastated look from Bucky.
Steve waited until the door shut, then his attention was back on Bucky.
âBuck, you gotta talk to me manâ what happened?â He asked softly, watching his friend slowly relax, but it wasnât from being in a relaxing moodâ his body and mind were just exhausted from the argument.
âI fucked everything up. Thatâs what happened.â He mumbled, turning away from Steve to sit on the edge of his bed.
Steve followed behind but stood in front of him, shaking his headâ ready to argue.
âYou didnât mess anything up, arguments happen. You guys will work it out. I know how much you mean to each other.â Steve pointed out, watching Buckyâs face unchanging.
âYou didnât see the way she looked at meâ sheâs scared of me Iââ He shuttered, his breath shaky as he remembered your look, âI fucking scared her.â
Steveâs chest ached, the state of his friend breaking his heart. He knew Bucky meant no harm, and he almost for a fact knew that you knew that too. But Bucky for sure didnât believe that himself.
âI didnât see what you saw, but I can guarantee you that sheâs not afraid of you. This is (Y/n) we are talking about. You are her world Buck.â Steve tried to convince him.
Bucky shook his head, running his flesh hand through his hair.
âI think I just need to stay away from her for awhile.â Bucky came up with instead.
Steve immediately started shaking his head, knowing that was the last thing he needed.
âBucky Iââ
âPlease Steve⌠I just need some space.â Bucky pleaded, his body sagging in exhaustion.
Steve couldnât find it in himself to argue with him anymore about this. Maybe he did need some time to himself, to cool down and gather his thoughts. Also Steve wasnât going to force him to anything ever. After the years his pal went throughâ he would never make him do anything. He had enough things decided for him, and Steve wasnât about to stoop to hydraâs level.
Meanwhile down in the kitchen, Sam was getting you a glass of waterâ standing across from your seated form at the island. He slid the cup across, sending a worried glance at you.
â(Y/n)?â Sam snapped his fingers getting your attention.
You were shaken from your state of staring, but even snapped out of the tranceâ the anxieties still swirled within you.
âYeah sorry⌠Iâm here.â You whispered, grabbing the glass and taking a tiny sip.
Sam gave you a quizzical expression, watching you start to slip back into a mindless stareâ so he spoke up.
âYou wanna tell me what happened?â He asked, genuinely curious what had went down.
He knewâ hell everyone knew you and Bucky were extremely close. Best of friends, always there for one anotherâ dancing on the line of strictly friends to lovers. Truthfully, Sam found it completely obnoxious and just wanted you two together already.
âI donât really know⌠I think I said the wrong thingâ I didnât mean to make him upset.â You confessed, keeping your eyes on the countertop, not risking a glance to Sam.
âHey, donât beat yourself upâ mistakes happen. Iâm sure heâll forgive you.â Sam told you.
You shook your head, gripping the cup tighter.
âGod I hope so⌠I donât know what Iâd do without him.â You whispered pathetically, tears welling in your eyes.
Sam reached out to rub your arm comfortingly, trying to relax you so you didnât start crying. He hated to see you cryâ made his heart hurt.
âItâs been a long day for everyone, why donât you go head upstairs and get some sleep. Iâm sure things will have blown over by tomorrow.â He suggested and you finally met his gaze, smiling weakly and nodding.
Without saying goodbye, you stood up and headed to your room. Taking Samâs words and playing them on repeat in your head.
Tomorrow is another day, tomorrow would be better.
God had you hoped that was the caseâ it only was the beginning on the torment.
You had slept in longer than usual, but overall felt refreshed. The first thing that came to mind when fully waking up was Bucky. Immediately you headed downstairs to find himâ needing to talk with himâ apologize.
Making it down to the kitchen, you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding in at the sight of him sitting at the islandâ sipping at his coffee. You furrowed your brows, thinking he'd be done with his coffee by now, since you had slept in. Your chest ached with guilt with the possibility that he didn't sleep well.
You took a deep breath before making yourself known, although you were sure be could sense you in the roomâ considering he was a super soldier.
"Morning Buck." You announced, walking around the island so you could face him.
He kept his gaze down at his coffee, finding the cup more interesting than you.
Okay, thatâs fair. You thought, you most probably deserved that reaction.
âYou sleep okay?â You asked again, picking at the skin on your nails nervously.
Againâ he didnât even lift his head. In fact, he wasnât even acknowledging you. You waited several minutes for a response, the silence becoming thick with tension and you couldnât stand it.
âBucky?â You tried, and this time he lifted his head.
Your heart twinged in your chest at his bloodshot eyes, clear evidence that he hadnât gotten good sleep. You hated yourself for causing him the stress, especially knowing he was just starting to actually get hours of sleep. It was huge progress compared to his nights either screaming awake or just staring at the walls. But now you had to go and ruin all that progress. You felt sick to your stomachâ disgusted with yourself.
âIâm really sorry about last night⌠I didnât like how ugly it got and Iâm sorry if I said something to upset youâ you know Iâd never intentionally hurt you.â You told him, picking more aggressively at your nails, causing to nail beds to bleed.
You swallowed nervously when he didnât answer right away, instead staring at you with⌠what was that? Disgust? You didnât know, but you hated the look altogether.
âBucky, please say something.â You pleaded.
Bucky lowered his gaze to his coffee again, taking a minute before he stood up and looked your way.
âI just need some space.â He told you quietly.
You were relived to have him finally talk to you, but to hear him suggest space between you twoâ you could almost feel the knife digging into your chest. You tried to keep a neutral expression but otherwise felt your bottom lip quiver.
Without giving you time to respond, Bucky was walking out of the roomâ leaving you standing there speechless, lungs begging for air. You didnât want your mind to go immediately to that thought, but you couldnât ignore it eitherâ he hated you.
âHey babe, I need you to help me out in the lab todââ Tony came busting into the room, but immediately shut up once he saw your broken expression. âHoney, whatâs wrong? You alright?â
You nodded your head, lying to him and yourself and started waving him off with the fakest smile.
âYeahâ yeah Iâm good. Just need to uhâ need to get some things done.â You told him, your eyes darting all around the room, the familiar feeling of panic seeping into your being.
Tony gave you a âreally?â look and stepped closer to you.
â(Y/n) Iâm not blindâ I can see youâre upset. Talk to mââ
âSeriously Tonyâ Iâm fine! Just leave it alone!â You told him a little too aggressively.
His face was taken back and you felt guilty immediately, cursing yourself for hurting everyone.
Why are you such a fucking issue? Your mind screamed at you.
You didnât waste another second and sped walked out of the room, needing to calm yourself down before you ran into any one else. You were spiraling and you needed to just relaxâ take a deep breath. Maybe you just needed one more day and things would be back to normal.
Yeah⌠just one more day.
You had hoped that was the case as well⌠but as alwaysâ things only got worse.
Bucky refused to talk to you or even look at you. Heâd given you the cold shoulder for almost two weeks now. He would get up and leave the second you entered the room. He couldnât stand you it seemed.
You couldnât keep hiding your hurt. At first, you had done a good job at hiding how you were really feeling. Saving the sobbing and attacks for when you were alone in your room. As the days lingered on, you found yourself weak and drainedâ you didnât have enough energy to put up a charade anymore.
The whole team were sending you worried looks, and attempted to talk with you. But the second theyâd tryâ youâd bolt. The subject was too sensitive, too raw. You didnât want to talk to anyone but Buckyâ and he hated you.
You had missed so many meals, forgetting to eat with your mental struggles throughout the days. You had been getting no more than two hours of sleep. You were so stressed, so stuck in your own mind that you couldnât function. Even when you had managed to remember to eat, your stomach would knot up to the point that you were throwing everything up. You were gaunt, basically a real life zombie. You needed helpâ but you needed Bucky more.
You were laying in bed staring unknowingly into space, it had been hard to focus with no food or sleep in your systemâ so you had only managed to lay here. Even that was exhausting, no matter how much you laid aroundâ your mind wouldnât stop the assault. Your anxiety had never been this bad, you were a prisoner to it.
Knocking at your door had you jumping, your heart racingâ and for a moment you forgot where you were.
Youâre in the compound⌠yeah thatâs right.
You slowed your breathing and swung your legs sluggishly over the edge of the bed to answer it. You werenât prepared for the sudden dizzy spell, your vision spotting with black and white specks. You tried to blink it off, but suddenly you were toppling to the ground.
You fell to the floor with a loud thump, luckily landing on your front, your hands somehow catching most of your fallâ you could already feel the throbbing in your palms.
You didnât hear the persistent knocking, or the door open. You didnât even hear the voice speaking from the doorway. It was when a hand landed on your shoulder that you were gasping, forgetting your surroundings once again.
Your eyes met Steveâs and you swore your heart was about to beat out of your chest.
â(Y/n) are you alright?â He asked you, hovering his hands over youâ not sure what you had hurt.
You furrowed your brows, looking him over.
âSteve what are⌠what are you doing here?â You asked genuinely confused.
You watched Steveâs eyes widen and he swallowed nervouslyâ his expression growing more concerned.
â(Y/n) itâs okay⌠Iâve got you.â Steve hushed, and he was pulling you into his chest, hugging you protectively.
You were still confused but then you tasted one of your stray tears, and you immediately came to your senses. You were crying in Steveâs arms⌠but why? You were having gaps of time missing from you, this wasnât the first time this had happenedâ you just didnât seem to care.
âSteve⌠my head hurts.â You slurred into his chest, sagging against him.
You were grateful that he was here, you desperately needed someone around. You were just hoping that someone wouldâve been Bucky.
âOkay, letâs get you to Helen. Sheâs gonna take care of you, okay?â Steve asked you, and you could only give a weak nod.
He knew there was no way you were walking there, so he hoisted you up into his arms, and cradled your head as he started to the med bay.
You just stared blankly at his chest, not really caring if Steve were to throw you off the roof of the building. You just didnât care.
Steve had gotten you down to her, and she checked you out. Alerting Steve that you were extremely malnourished, dehydratedâ an insomniac. She kept listing off all the things Steve was afraid to hear. The whole time he was sure you didnât hear a thing, although you were in the roomâ you were just checked out.
Helen eventually left, and Steve took his opportunity to speak with you. He pulled up a chair next to the hospital bed and grabbed your hand.
â(Y/n), whatâs going on? You can talk to meâ you canât keep doing this to yourself. Please⌠just talk to me.â Steve whispered, pleading with you that you would stop torturing yourself.
âHe hates me.â You mumbled.
Steveâs eyes widened and he frowned, knowing what you meant. He knew he let this go on for too long.
â(Y/n) he doesnât hate you. He just needed time to himself, so he coââ
âI didnât mean to hurt his feelings, I donât even know what I said to hurt him but Iââ You rushed out, the heart monitor beeping frantically, âIâm a horrible person, I didnât mean toâ I didnât mean to!â
You wheezed out, clutching your chest as you couldnât catch your breath. Your cheeks glistened with a steady stream of tears, your wheezing only growing by the second.
âOkay, okay (Y/n)â I need you to slow your breathing. Youâre okay, he doesnât hate you. Just take deep breaths okayâ even if you canât just try. Iâm here.â He tried to coach you, but this wasnât his thing.
Now he was starting to get mad at his friend, Bucky shouldnât of let this go on for this long.
You followed his chest rising and falling, staring at him as he tried to calm you down. Your breaths were heavy and painful sounding. Steve was about to say something but stopped himself when he saw your eyes look behind him.
He turned and saw Bucky standing in the doorwayâ his face paled. Truthfully, he looked like he was going to be sick.
â(Y/n)?â He whispered, his heart breaking at your state.
He had ran into Helen in the kitchen and was informed of your conditionâ he didnât believe it and had to see for himself. He was shocked to find you like this.
Your tears only edged on from his appearance and you shook your head in shame.
âIâm sorry Bucky! Whatever I did, Iâm sorry!â You sobbed and Bucky ran to the bed, kneeling down and taking your hands into his.
âDoll itâs okay, youâre okay. Iâm hereâ Iâm here. Iâm not gonna leave you⌠Iâm sorry.â He rushed out, shushing your cries, watching you slow your breathing at his words. âThere we go, just keep breathing with me. Iâm here, youâre okay.â
He kept repeating himself, making sure you knew he wasnât going anywhere.
Steve knew you were in good hands and slowly snuck out of the roomâ knowing you two needed to talk.
Bucky tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear, letting his fingers trail down your cheek to your jaw. You couldnât help the way your face leaned into his touch, it felt like it had been forever since the last one.
Your breathing had slowed down, and now you just stared up at himâ eyes glossy with more tears. You felt so many emotions. You felt relived, but also angry and hurt. Above allâ you needed to know what you did to upset him. The guilt still ate away at your heart, and even just the memory of the argument had your chest aching.
âWhat did I do?â You whispered, making his eyes shoot up to yours, concern painting his face.
âYou didnât do anything.â He told you, and you furrowed your brows.
You were still anxiousâ he hadnât answered your question. Even more soâ if you didnât do anything then why did he ignore you?
âThen why?â
âWhy what (Y/n)?â He dared to ask, and you scoffedâ ripping your hands out of his.
The anger was approaching.
âWhy did you shut me out?â You wondered, and he only let his eyes cast down to the bedâ making you angrier. âYou ignored me for two weeks! Two fucking weeks you just acted as if I didnât exist! Do you know how much that fucking hurts?â
You were breathing heavy again, but this time it wasnât from panicâ it was the full force of all your anger bursting out.
He lifted his eyes to you, and you saw how broken he looked. How your state had affected him.
âI could never do that to you Buckâ I would never do that to you! Youâre my everything! I donât trust anyone as much as I trust you!â You raised your voice, while he stayed silent. âIf I didnât do anything then why would youâ whyââ
You broke out into a sob, covering your face with your hands. You felt good getting all the built up anger outâ but now you felt extremely guilty. The pitiful face of Bucky staring at you, causing your heart to hurt all over again. It didnât matter what happened, you always ended up hurting others.
â(Y/n) Iâm so sorry Iâ god I fucked up. I didnât ever mean to hurt you, please know that. Youâre my other half, and no one has ever been there for me like you have.â He spoke through a tight throat, swelling with emotion.
You uncovered your face and just stared at him a little longer, still incredibly hurt from his actionsâ but you knew you couldnât stay mad at him. You so badly wanted to forgive and forgetâ and just wrap him in your arms like you both needed.
âItâs hard to explain whatâs wrong with me to someone when I donât even understand whatâs wrong with meâ I just know Iâm fucked up. Iâm broken beyond repair.â His voice broke, his own eyes welling with tears.
You didnât have it in you to keep up an angry facade, and so you reached out and took his hand in yours. His face almost immediately lit up, his breathing slowing at your touch.
âTry me.â You whispered, watching Bucky take a deep breath before he spoke again.
âThe night of our fightâŚâ He started, and you swallowed in having to remember that night. âI had never seen you look at me like that.â
You stayed silent, afraid to open your mouth and have a sob escape. You could feel it bubbling upâ the memory playing back through your mind.
âYou looked at me like you were scared. You looked at me like I was a monster.â He confessed and it all made sense to you now.
It wasnât about what you said, it was your reaction that disturbed him to no ends. Even if you couldnât control your reaction in the momentâ you still felt guilty for causing him pain of remembering the hydra days.
âOh BuckâŚâ You whimpered, trying to pull him closeâ but he pulled away before he could reach your embrace.
âNoâ you donât get to be nice to me after what I did. I promised I would never hurt you and I didâ youâre in here because of me! I donât deserve your forgiveness!â He raised his voice, and you werenât scared of himâ just concerned.
âI wasnât scared of you Bucky, you just caught me off guard. Things were heatedâ Iâm not afraid of you and I most definitely donât think youâre a monster.â You tried to convince him.
âI really hope youâre not lying because if you were afraid of me⌠god I donât know what Iâd do. If you never wanted to see me againâ thatâs fine. Whatever you want, but I canât live knowing youâre afraid of me.â He whimpered out.
âI wouldnât lie to you.â
He nodded his head, knowing damn well youâd never lie. That was one thing he loved about youâ you were so honest. Keeping it real with him, even if he didnât wanna hear it. He could count on you for the truth.
âI still donât deserve your forgiveness.â He argued.
âWell too bad, Iâm forgiving you anyway.â You finally told him and he felt his chest expand.
Like he could finally breath.
âWhy?â He wondered.
You knew it was the line you two had been dancing on foreverâ but you knew if there was ever a time to say it. It was now.
âBecause I love you.â You admitted quietly.
His eyes widened just slightly, and his breath stuttered. He had always had a feeling what you two had was more than friends, he just never spoke up about it. Of course he loves you tooâ god he loves you so much. Thatâs why the thought of you being scared of him was enough to pull him away. He couldnât bear being around you if you were frightened by him. He couldnât live with himself. More importantly he now discovered, he really couldnât live without you.
âI love you so much.â He confessed back as your tears leaked down your cheeks.
You pulled his arm, and he let you pull him to the bedâ close enough where you could cup both his cheeks.
âDonât ever do that to me again, please. I need you Buckyâ life is not livable without you.â You cried, kissing his forehead to which he leaned into your lips.
âNever againâ I promise.â
This time, he wouldnât break it.
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TAGLIST: @engie115 @kmc1989 @ghostofwinter @silverfire13 @goldylions @potatothots @billy-reads @hanihoney88 @skittle479 @hereticdance @mentalidrainedfangirl @natashassandwich @marvelogic @soul-system @alinasmcu @almosttoopizza @lilbabygirll @sebastiansstanswhore @yujyujj @jasminocano
#bucky barnes#sebastian stan#the winter soldier#marvel cinematic universe#reader insert#buckybarnes#marvel imagines#bucky barnes fic#bucky barnes angst#protective bucky barnes#bucky barnes fanfic#bucky barnes imagine#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky barnes x female reader#hurt/comfort fic#james buchanan barnes#beefy bucky barnes#theleggymeggy fics#fluffy#heavy angst#I write so much sadness I swear im okay#thank you for requesting!
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SYLUS HEADCANONS Pt 2
SFW! AND NSFW!!!!
Part 1 masterlist đđđ đđĄđđđ
Love and deep spaceđŤ
Authors note: it's definitely not gonna be as good since I can't find my computerđ so I'm stuck with my phone and I'm very limited so I hope you like it!!!! Also sylus is going to be OOC!
MDNIII!!!!!
Warnings!!:Spit kink, Cockring, Cock warming, possessive sylus!!, passing out, Chains, Wax play, Anal Penetration, Teasing, Big dick sylus!!, Dick piercing, Sex toys, P in V, Voyeurism, Eye contact, Gagging, Breath play, Humiliation.
SFW!
⢠He loves to take you to the gym to show off his muscles and abilities.
⢠He loves to randomly show up to your work with some food or just to randomly pick you up and take you home (even tho you can he insist).
⢠He's the type of guy that threatens your boss for over working you!
⢠He loves to just be around you even while he's doing his work, or just sitting there and staring at you!
⢠He hates when you and the twins plot a prank against him he thinks it's childish (but he loves it).
â˘He thinks it's funny when you get scared of a bug but he still kills it for you while giggling like a child.
â˘He does not get along with your coworkers, he thinks they are weak and do not deserve your time!
â˘He likes to think he owns you because you do everything with him and I mean everything.
â˘He buys you everything even tho you might not like it, you tell him something looks nice and next thing you know it's yours!
⢠He buys you a bike like his, even tho you don't know how to drive it or if you do know how to drive it he will still have so much fun!
NSFW AHEAD!!! MDNIII!!
Sexual content be advised
NSFW
°When the both of you are having intercourse he loves to grab your face and make your mouth open so he can spit on you or in your mouth.
°He loves to tie chains around your hands to make it more spicy in bed (plus he thinks it's better than hand cuffs because he can grab a hold of it better to pull you back on his dick!)
° He has the ball gag next to his bed in his drawer(which you didn't know about) he randomly puts it on you when your being too much of a brat!
°He loves how you sound as you have the ball gag in your mouth he likes to think it looks cute on you!
°Sometimes when he's feeling more freaky then usual he will let a candle burn on the nightstand to use it on you.
°He loves watching the wax roll down your chest or your thighs,stomach,etc he thinks it's hot.
°He likes when you try to make him submit(aka putting a Cock ring on him) he uses it against you in ways you didnt expect.
°He will make you cock warm him if you put a cock ring on him in his mind he thinks if I suffer then you suffer, he loves how you get desperate for him to move.
°Since he loves to randomly surprise you by showing up where ever you are he has caught you masturbating multiple times so he just sits there watching you unnoticed while hard.
°He never had a dick piercing but he heard you talking about it with one of your friends and saying how pleasing it might be, the next day he got a frenum piercing (but he was sad he couldn't have sex with you for a while to let it heal)
°While he's fucking you he loves to choke you hard enough to where your face gets red while he makes you stare into his eyes (he does this rarely just when he's in a bad mood and needs to let off steam).
°He left a vibrator in your pussy when you and him tried anal for the first time to make it more pleasant for you!
°He likes to call you names in bed like slut,whore,my fuck toy,etc.
°When he's about to fuck you, he loves to tease you by slowly pushing his tip in your pussy and just pull out when you make a sound.
°One time after you and sylus had 5 rounds you passed out in the middle of him fucking you because it was to much for you to handle.
Well I hope you like it! I kinda rushed it to
But please give feedback and make sure you like and comment I appreciate it!!đŤ
ÂŠď¸ gabbytbll. do not copy, repost, or translate across other sites. do not copy my sentence structures, plot or characterization.
#love and deep space x reader#sylus love and deepspace#love and deepspace x reader#love and deepspace#love and deep space#love and deep space sylus#sylus lnd#sylus smut#love and deepspace sylus#sylus x reader#lads sylus#lnds sylus#l&ds sylus#sylus#l&ds#l&d sylus#sylus x reader fluff#sylus x reader smut#sylus x you#sylus x mc#sylus l&ds#sylus lads#sylus headcanon#sylus headcanons#đđđđđ'đ đđđđđđđđđđđ ËĘâĄÉË
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my give a fuck are on vacation
pairing : charles leclerc x fem!reader
summary : those who dislike you wishes to see your downfall and others are waiting for your relationship to crumble but you have never been better .
a/n : this came to me in a dream đ
yourusername
liked by charles_leclerc, user, user and others.
yourusername đŚđ @/charles_leclerc
user gorgeous
user wowwww
user i need to experience this once in my life đ
user gold digger.
user -> hating on her wonât make you special
user -> this is embarrassing
user -> how can you hate someone this much without knowing her personally đ
user the YELLOW IS SO GOOD!?!?!
charles_leclerc đ
you liked this comment
user those ice cream looks good đ¤¤
user im living for this
user the only reason sheâs having this is because of charles
user -> wow! your insecurity is showing!
user -> and??? even if so who cares?
user -> y/n has her own career but ok đ
user im always tuned in for a y/n dump đ
user oh my god can she stop posting
user -> THIS IS an INSANE STATEMENT
user -> she can do whatever she wants! hope that helps!
user -> and yet you are still here
user -> you can block her if u dont want to see it đ
user i need more
user canât wait to see what charles post đ§
charles_leclerc
liked by yourusername, user, user, user and others.
charles_leclerc mi amĂš/mon amour đ¤ (my love)
user YESSS
user oh how i have been WAITING
user we NEED more!!
user oh this ate so badly
user Y/NN đł
user and heâs posting her again. great.
user -> HUH?? what are u talking about
user -> maybe because sheâs HIS GIRLFRIEND
user -> you are not his mom bro
user -> this comment is crazyyyy đđđ
user -> he can do whatever he wantsâŚ
user he LOVES HER
user to be y/n
user -> or charles
user focus on posting about racing more
user -> you people are miserable
user -> this is sad
user -> he is living his best life. donât think he cares đ¤ˇââď¸
user aesthetic đ¤
user the contrast between post đ¤Ł
user -> charles and his damn filters đ
user y/n in his post đĽš
user -> i neeed more of her from his pov
user -> itâs slowly coming one by oneâŚ
user -> WE NEED MORE CHARLES
user patiently waiting
yourusername and charles_leclerc
liked by pierregasly, francisca.cgomes and others.
yourusername and charles_leclerc yes to a lifetime of love đ¤
yourusername and yes i had to include a pic he took before it happened đĽš
user -> he adores you girlll đŤđŤ
user -> bet he was soo nervous lol
user WHAT
user đŽđŽđŽ
use what does this mean??
user OMG
user and now sheâs successfully trapped him. poor charles.
user -> wtfff
user -> oh my god can YOU shut upp
user -> jealousy looks ugly on u babe đĽ°
user -> he married y/n not u đ¤ˇââď¸ oh well!
user WAIT
pierregasly congratulations mate đž
you replied -> đĽłđş
user im suprised it took this long
user we KNEW this was his endgame
user CONGRATULATIONS đđ
francisca.cgomes congrats đĽšđ¤
you replied -> so excited đ¤
user -> OMG kika as one of the bridesmaids?!?! đ
user did not expect this
user and where are the haters now?
user -> thinking of what to nitpick next
user -> oh they deff are đđ
user -> trust they will come back once more
user -> yeahh but for now they are crying LOLLL
user love the simplicity
user my parents.
user we should talk about how these wags are often targeted.
user -> YES! letâs have this conversation.
user canât wait for the wedding đđđ
a/n : maybe ill do a part 2?
check out my other post! masterlist
disclaimer: this is a work of fiction, the events and characters depicted are not based on real life, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
#charles leclerc#.á blairâs smau .#charles leclerc x reader#charles leclerc x fem!reader#charles leclerc fic#charles leclerc fluff#formula 1#formula one#formula 1 smau#formula one smau#carlos sainz#oscar piastri#lando norris#lewis hamilton#george russell#alex albon#logan sargeant#daniel ricciardo#max verstappen#oscar piastri smau#lando norris smau#carlos sainz smau#lewis hamilton smau#george russell smau#logan sargeant smau#alex albon smau#danie ricciardo smau#max verstappen smau
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