#I hate feeling anxious for no reason

[rosicheeks]

???

[anghraine]

I was just thinking about the through lines of Elizabeth's characterization and her relationship with Darcy, and I'm really fond of this one:

[Mrs Bennet:] “Ay, that is because you [Bingley] have the right disposition. But that gentleman,” looking at Darcy, “seemed to think the country was nothing at all.” “Indeed, mamma, you are mistaken,” said Elizabeth, blushing for her mother. “You quite mistook Mr Darcy.”

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Elizabeth tried hard to dissuade him [Mr Collins] from such a scheme; assuring him that Mr. Darcy would consider his addressing him without introduction as an impertinent freedom, rather than a compliment to his aunt; that it was not in the least necessary there should be any notice on either side, and that if it were, it must belong to Mr Darcy, the superior in consequence, to begin the acquaintance. [...]with a low bow he left her to attack Mr Darcy, whose reception of his advances she eagerly watched, and whose astonishment at being so addressed was very evident. Her cousin prefaced his speech with a solemn bow, and though she could not hear a word of it, she felt as if hearing it all, and saw in the motion of his lips the words “apology,” “Hunsford,” and “Lady Catherine de Bourgh.”

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In vain did Elizabeth endeavour to check the rapidity of her mother’s words, or persuade her to describe her felicity in a less audible whisper; for to her inexpressible vexation she could perceive that the chief of it was overheard by Mr Darcy, who sat opposite to them. [...] “For heaven’s sake, madam, speak lower. What advantage can it be to you to offend Mr Darcy? You will never recommend yourself to his friend by so doing.” Nothing that she could say, however, had any influence. Her mother would talk of her views in the same intelligible tone. Elizabeth blushed and blushed again with shame and vexation. She could not help frequently glancing her eye at Mr Darcy, though every glance convinced her of what she dreaded; for though he was not always looking at her mother, she was convinced that his attention was invariably fixed by her.

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That he [Darcy] was surprised by the connection was evident: he sustained it, however, with fortitude: and, so far from going away, turned back with them, and entered into conversation with Mr Gardiner. Elizabeth could not but be pleased, could not but triumph. It was consoling that he should know she had some relations for whom there was no need to blush. She listened most attentively to all that passed between them, and gloried in every expression, every sentence of her uncle, which marked his intelligence, his taste, or his good manners.

Elizabeth was now most heartily sorry that she had, from the distress of the moment, been led to make Mr Darcy acquainted with their fears for her sister; for since her marriage would so shortly give the proper termination to the elopement, they might hope to conceal its unfavourable beginning from all those who were not immediately on the spot. She had no fear of its spreading farther, through his means. There were few people on whose secrecy she would have more confidently depended; but at the same time there was no one whose knowledge of a sister’s frailty would have mortified her so much. Not, however, from any fear of disadvantage from it individually to herself; for at any rate there seemed a gulf impassable between them.

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During their [Elizabeth and Darcy's] walk, it was resolved that Mr. Bennet’s consent should be asked in the course of the evening: Elizabeth reserved to herself the application for her mother’s. She could not determine how her mother would take it; sometimes doubting whether all his wealth and grandeur would be enough to overcome her abhorrence of the man; but whether she were violently set against the match, or violently delighted with it, it was certain that her manner would be equally ill adapted to do credit to her sense; and she [Elizabeth] could no more bear that Mr Darcy should hear the first raptures of her joy, than the first vehemence of her disapprobation.

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Lady Catherine had been rendered so exceedingly angry by the contents of her nephew’s letter, that Charlotte, really rejoicing in the match, was anxious to get away till the storm was blown over. At such a moment, the arrival of her friend was a sincere pleasure to Elizabeth, though in the course of their meetings she must sometimes think the pleasure dearly bought, when she saw Mr Darcy exposed to all the parading and obsequious civility of her husband.

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"I [Lydia] am sure Wickham would like a place at court very much; and I do not think we shall have quite money enough to live upon without some help. Any place would do of about three or four hundred a year; but, however, do not speak to Mr Darcy about it, if you had rather not." As it happened that Elizabeth had much rather not, she endeavoured in her answer to put an end to every entreaty and expectation of the kind. Such relief, however, as it was in her power to afford, by the practice of what might be called economy in her own private expenses, she frequently sent them.

me, every time: oh, Elizabeth.

[altschmerzes]

seen one too many snide posts about this in the last week or so but did you know that if you don't enjoy scenes in smut establishing consent or checking in then you simply don't have to read them and you don't have to go online and whine about how they're Consent Posturing and Purity Culture and Sanitizing Everything and God Just Kill Me Now. like you can have a preference without making it into a three act morality play, which is ironically what you are accusing other people of doing.

the same goes for like, detailed content warnings on fics. or content warnings at all. you can just skip those. they're not a sign of Purity Culture Gone Too Far or Those Damn Puriteens or whatever. you can dislike things without being an asshole about them or implying they're Taking Away What's Good And Correct About Fic Or Creativity.

[july-19th-club]

i have no mouth and i must scream speech but for about insomnia hate hate hate let me tell you how much i have come to hate being awake

[gilgil-machine]

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[silly-lil-scribbles]

geesussss can my brain chill out maybe like at this point people arent even doing anything im pretty sure its just pretending something is off so i can start panicking about if someone hates me and im not enough and they will leave and i am the worst person ever because of this. why. dude. please. nothing happened. why do you even do this. and worse why the fuck do i still believe you every time no matter what

[perilegs]

i think it's unfair that anxiety can cause an upset stomach. why are you doing all that.

[purpurussy]

this is ridiculous of me but the more I see posts like "if you don't fw early dapg then you should probably just kys" the harder it is for me to do my required reading and actively watch their entire back catalogue because then it's stressful because what if I don't Get It and I'm a fake fan oesksjdjekl 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔 every time I try to watch old videos and I feel myself getting slightly bored I'm like oh fuck they were right about me it makes me so anxious 😭

[msmk11]

A moment of transparency:

i’m struggling to be on this app at the moment, if I’m being totally honest.

I love to write and typically enjoy what I’m writing.

But as my account grows and I make mutuals/get more followers, I’m feeling all this (internal) pressure to be good, a well liked page, etc.

The comparison game makes it worse.

Don’t get me wrong, I feel so grateful but!!

I started this account to write, and now I’m feeling the pressure of it being more like social media. Do people think I’m funny/interesting, do they want to hear what I have to say, am I being annoying, does x mutual actually like me?

And like I’m just a validation-seeker and people pleaser so ik I just need to get my act together, but until that happens, all I can do is rant and be stressed.

If anyone has tips too that’d be appreciated !!

[wereh0gz]

Unrelated to last post but I really gotta interact with furry stuff more. However I am Scared

[evangelistofmurder]

Why can't I get over this?? /Hj

TLDR - I'm kinda just typing this out bc my source memories are stressing me out and I can't find a proper outlet to cope

(Source memory venting under the cut)

Feel free to ask more since I don't mind talking about DMs

Everytime I get extra content, it's just bittersweet. (dramatic irony at its finest I guess?) Honestly my existence in source is just a sardonic joke. Like I want peace, I get my peace and it's taken away from me.

I mentioned this in a previous post but the novel really hits the nail in the coffin for me.

Waiting for Yuma was FOUL for this:

"If someday. If someone were to appear who could give Vivia some peace. If only someone could bring him out into the light when he was stuck in the dark. '...It would be pointless to hope for something like that.'"

The DLC ties into this with:

"Perhaps the peace I desire can be found there."

I don't even want to quote Chapter 4.

All the peace I thought I could find in death is gone. If I died someday it be lonely without Yakou if anything, and dying means losing him. I don't want that to happen. I think the only person in source who would understand my grief would be Yuma considering the labyrinth and conversation about the letter. We all saw how that turned out considering Yuma's also just gone (he left on his own accord) but still the one other person you could rely on for support not being there is also just devastating.

I'm upset that the other detectives thought I didn't care— I understand why so I won't fault them for it. I just stood there doing nothing and then the one thing I did do didn't even matter anyway.

In source postcanon, I kept visiting him in the restricted area. It takes me out mentally everytime but I did it anyway since I just wanted to see Yakou. I have no idea if he took the dlc pill or not, plus I wasn't told about said pill in the first place.

I'm under the impression that everyone else moved on and I can't move on at all and it's really getting to me.

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I honestly don't know why I'm posting this but I don't think anyone's up right night so I didn't feel like bothering someone this early in the morning as of writing this. I'm sorry (I feel guilty writing this somehow).

[nagitoedit]

being on tumblr makes me so mad because it makes me so paranoid but for literally good reason. people on here looooove to be like 'omg why does everyone always assume the worst of other users here' because you literally have to !!!!!!!!!!!!! i have seen so many reasonable posts that have just a possibly even accidental worrying undertone and then i look at ops blog and bam there it is they suck and my 'paranoid fears' were literally true. like oh cool post about feminism but im getting weird vibes (ops account is associated with multiple users with usernames like wombynwarrior or some shit) and its like oh. well.

[rosesradio]

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[heartbreakfeelsogood-moved]

anxiety will have me wishing i could google search things like “how to ask my manager if i can put her as a reference on my resume while i try to find a second job so i don’t have to move back halfway across the country to live with my mom and feel like i’m starting over again”

[tvsoftboi]

When the ✨~thoughts of inadequacy~✨ kick back in and you start to wonder if you should go back to socially isolating yourself