#I hate everything AHHHH
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i have to go back to school on Thursday I’m gonna pull a dazai i actually can’t chat. i hate school. like, actually hate it so much.
#bsd#bungou stray dogs#dazai osamu#vent below#Istg if my cousin fucking sees this (don’t look at my vent you little rat /srs)#I actually hate school. It’s not even a joke I hate it so much. The amount of fights I’ve had with my mom over my grades is ridiculous#the amount of fucking genuine panic attacks#It always gets worse when school starts back up. I can’t deal with it.#it stresses me out sm I hate it#I don’t want to do this.#It’s not even like I have bad grades. The worse I’ve had was a d for a time. It got bumped to a c tho that’s not even that bad.#i hate math.#I hate everything AHHHH#Dazai kinnie:3#This post looks very bipolar uhhh#sorry for the vent#I might vent more later. Idk.#I might just draw. Who knows.#I urge to post all my vents that have been in my CapCut drafts is strong rn#but I’d feel bad.
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wanted to draw some halloween art but apparently the shit day i had is affecting me more than i wanted to allow (even tho i took a long nap) ...........i dont like anything i draw rn. maybe ill try later. happy halloween and dont upset the spirits or they will haunt you ❤️
#ill go and have a strong enough drink to delete the day fr now and then try again later ughhh#yknow people and work pressure and no break angered and overstimmed me sm im ditching the wine and going straight for the vodka#bc im not allowed to bite people who test my patience and piss me off#ahhhh i should not even remember im getting a migraine again fr#im in such a “i hate everything” mood rn no wonder i dont like my art now AHHHHHHH I WAS SO EXCITED TO DRAW DAMMIT#😭😭😭😭😭#babbles#tbd
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BEST GIRL TRAILER IS OUT I REPEAT BEST GIRL TRAILER IS OUT
#n talks about shit#reverse 1999#kakania#there are some spoilers for chapter 7 near the end btw from 1:39 to 1:54#so skip those parts if you don't wanna be spoiled#ahhhh she is so kind and compassionate but also so ridden with guilt and anxiety#she just wants the best for her patients and yet was kicked out and disrespected as a result...#she also lost everything in the storm too... what if i killed myself rn#they will never make me hate you kakania#also please see a therapist girl
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dean going "no, cas" during sacrifice because he saw the angels falling :), bro thought that cas was probably dead for a bit there.
Every day you tell me a bedtime story that makes me cry!!!!! Yes, his little "Cas, no," was heartbreatking.
Aside/// This was one of my fave scenes. The scene gets me every time. Small churches were supposed to function as family extender systems, giving you access to fellowship, resources, food.
Jody Mills compared having a brother to having a church—when churches are at their best, they're supposed to be sources of support! Churches were supposed to put people first, their wellbeing above everything else. "There's nothing I'd put in front of you!"
And here, we have the system above falling, too corrupted by war and hatred to even function.
#ahhhh#this scene#i will never forget working a hospital during a devastated landscape#i did see churches cooking up everything they owned and handing it out to the community#i did see long lines of trucks and farming equipment coming to help with the rubble#while the big companies trucked in they's Walmart trucks the VERY first day they loaded up their food and trucked it outta town#i'll never forget the contrast and in that moment i hated the churches a little less
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I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS!
Scott has been through soooo f*cking much at this point. SO much. And he's been gravely worried, and he's been horribly upset, and he's been flat-out terrified--most often when it comes to his friends and family being in danger.
But most of the time, he's really good at fighting off and masking that fear in favor of helping his friends and family through their fear, and he's been great at turning his fear into anger and determination against his enemies and struggles.
I don't think I have EVER, in all four years of this show, heard Scott be as utterly terrified as he was when Kate started to put that Berserker mask on him.
That SCREAM.
The SHAKING.
The STRUGGLING against the bonds.
Holy f*ck, Tyler Posey, because you genuinely made me tear up.
All the sh*t that Scott has been through, and THIS is what made him scream like that.
And I don't know if it's because she's gonna turn him into the killer that he's never wanted to be, or because she's going to sick him on his own pack and hope that they kill him, or because he's helpless and hopeless and has no idea how to get out of it, or if it's a combination of all three.
But my heart just SHATTERED, because he is TERRIFIED...and he's all alone.
And I DESPISE that.
And the thing is, I KNOW the pack is coming to save him, and I love that everyone was on the same page around the same time (Derek and Braeden going back to the house and finding Scira gone and the place trashed, Noah and Stiles suspicious that Scira hadn't shown up yet, and Lydia trying to get through to Deaton and succeeding so that they could get Scira's location) and was able to put the pieces together fast enough to get there ASAP.
But they're not gonna get there ASAP enough, and when they do get there, Kate's right--they're gonna have no idea that they're fighting their own Alpha, and I get the feeling that whatever she does to him will make Scott not care that he's fighting his own pack.
And that thought is F*CKING TERRIFYING.
So excuse me while I scream right along with Scott and almost sob my eyes right out of my head.
On a more positive note, I absolutely loved that conversation between Liam and Brett, and I love that Brett and Liam are kind of on the same team (in life, that is) now, because of what Scott did. I also love that Brett helped Liam on the field, and that he gave him that little pep talk about how amazing Scott is, and how amazing Liam can be too. And while my heart is breaking that Liam feels like Scott abandoned him, I have a feeling that, when he learns what really happened, he'll understand, and god forbid, maybe he'll actually TALK TO HIM for crying out loud.
Also, it looks very promising for Parrish getting Argent out of there, and that pep talk was amazing, and Parrish is seriously such a great guy and just so smart and I love him SO FREAKING MUCH. And his EYES GLOWED, and now he's using his power, and Argent is using his adrenaline, and that is PROMISING, and maybe they'll both be OKAY, and GOD I FREAKING HOPE SO BECAUSE IF WE LOSE ANYONE THIS SEASON I'M GONNA SCREAM!
ANYWAYS.
I HATE THIS I HATE THIS I HATE THIS, and I really hope SOMEBODY in the pack is smart enough to pick up on Kate's trickery and SAVE Scott instead of killing him, because THAT IS THE LAST THING WE NEED GOSH DARNAT!!
Using another couple of not-gifs of Liam and Brett's and Parrish and Argent's conversations because they were the only positive things that happened in the last ten minutes and I need something to keep me from crying. :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
(Okay but again, THE WRITING IN THIS SEASON I SWEAR TO GOD! <3 <3 <3 <3)
P.S. No, I didn't forget about Peter and Malia--I just chose to ignore it.
Update: I started the next episode and OH THANK GOD!! THE TATTOO!! THE TATTOO IS GONNA BE THE THING THAT SAVES US!! Scott is still under Kate's control, but at least the PACK will know that it's really Scott, because TATTOO!! I HAVE NEVER BEEN AS HAPPY ABOUT THAT TATTOO AS I AM RIGHT NOW!!! ANYWAYS.
#scott mccall#tyler posey#stiles stilinski#noah stilinski#derek hale#braeden#lydia martin#alan deaton#jordan parrish#chris argent#liam dunbar#brett talbot#ahhhh those pep talks#it makes me feel just a LITTLE better about life#except for ya know#EVERYTHING ELSE THAT'S HAPPENING#GOD I HATE THIS#I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT#in case I hadn't said it enough already lol#PLEASE SAVE THEM!#PLEASE DON'T LET HIM KILL ANYONE!#scott will NEVER be able to live with himself if that happens#stiles already has enough of a guilty conscience#we don't need scott to have one too#god this show#my heart#ANYWAYS#teen wolf season 4#teen wolf reactions#4x11
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On a random note, my favorite dynamic in ADSOM is probably Alucard and Kell or Maxim and Kell or Holland and Kell or Rhy and Kell. Wait, or Lila and Alucard or Rhy and Lila.
#i love posting untagged adsom posts like anyone of my mutuals knows what im talking about#i could get so wax poetic about v.e. schwab#they are a GENIUS#like the characters she creates AHHH#and vicious?#i am a little overhalfway through vengeful rn#the characters THE CHARACTERS#i mean no one can beat kell and tes#tes is my baby#i don't talk about her much but she is everything to me#second only ever to kell#but Victor? that's a CHARACTER#i love how i hate and love all of them simultaneously#Sydney also like AHHH#and mitch and AHH#serena was also deeply interesting to me#and now marcella and june? i don't like them but I don't like any of these characters but i love them ahhhh#that's what makes vicious so good#like i don't like anyone but I LOVE their characters ahhh#but then they also have likable characteristics at the same time#i could talk about v.e. schwab characters for hours if someone let me#and that's not even getting into the relationships because the relationships AH#i think i would go feral while talking about them#like eli and victor as archenemies?#victor and sydney? mitch and sydney? serena and Sydney?#hell even angie and victor and eli ahhh#eli and sydney too like ahhhhhh#also adsom#i could talk about all the one's mentioned in this post forever#okay these are monster tags
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more footage and details coming out from all the tornadoes in our area. and i'm just, i cannot describe the relief i'm feeling. these were tornadoes that were only ten or twenty minutes away from us etc. like it really is just luck that we weren't hit. someone we know no longer has a roof on their house, they're still missing pets. a family friend's neighbor no longer has a barn but thankfully they didn't loose any of their horses. our friend had to help look for them in the middle of the night. another place we know had multiple buildings knocked over. and we're still waiting to see how high the death toll will rise in our area. this isn't the first time we've had tornadoes from hurricanes (thank you to my mom for reminding me that we survived one when i was kid which i apparently blocked out ghfdjsk) but it is the first time we are super aware of it bc of social media, better reporting, etc etc.
#ooc#tbd#trying to describe things while i still being vague is hard gfhdjsk#but yeah#it's freaking awful#i'm already an anxious mess during hurricanes#i cannot imagine i'll be handling the next one well bc of this experience#we are so so so lucky that we only have some minor damage to fix#like i cannot describe what its like to drive back home after a storm wondering if our house is still standing or has a roof etc etc#putting our photoalbums in trashbags just in case#locking everything up not knowing if you'll see it again#it fucking sucks and i hate that we still have two months of hurricane season left ahhhh
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#ahhhh I need to vent about some personal drama#which happens every single year as long as I remember#tomorrow is my mom's birthday#and traditionally every birthday she will make sure to make it hell to herself and to everyone involved#arguments about everything and anything#silent treatment#blaming for things none of us have any control of (like my parent's divorce that happened a whooping 20 years ago)#and I know this will happen as clockwork so I'm not surprised#but still I hate the tension and conflicts so much my stomach is in a knot 😮💨#tomorrow other relatives will come to congratulate my mom and she will refuse to take the gifts and they will get into arguments again#and then the next day after that everything will be fine and friendly and back to normal#I hate celebrations because my family can't have normal ones even if they try#and I hate that I'm so used to it that I don't really care anymore#parenting the parents is so much work
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10.Jan 2024
#profs are coming and I'm not as much scared as i should be rn also it's not like I've studied everything but i have faith in Allah#also i should take a break and try to give my best as they say tie your camel first and then leave the rest to Allaah#will probably do that now#pls pls keep me in your duas#ahhhh i hate exams#a
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ok so today the day has barely begun and I have:
I arrived late because the buses didn't even show up.
I forgot my lunch (and I have celiac disease and obviously at the canteen they don't cater for me)
#AHHHH#angsti rambles#I hate life#today was turly one of those days where everything that could go wrong went wrong ugh
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The demons I was fighting to try and get this girl in her clothes 💀
#pictures#please feel free to ignore this#Jake meets world#I don't usually post my dolls but I really like this set and also clap for me#I hate switching parts and I had to take literally everything off AHHHH 💀💀💀#This set is so cute I'm tempted to get another one#This is the one I wanted the most but all the other dolls have such cute floofy outfits
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I can't believe my brain chose Pencil to hyperfixate on-
#lucidds doodles#pencil bfb#LIKE i be so fine. then boom. sudden urge to analyize everything she does!!!#i'm NOT OKAY i'm almost to bfdia on her BFGHDJS#ahhhh- it's like i used to really hate her but now i really love her FUCK!!!!
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i might be dumb as rocks lmao
#hdhddjjss you know all the mulling and being really down made it really hard to accept to be around people#MOSTLY bc its a 'ahhhh i shouldnt bother them they have better things to deal with'#but then it went back into isolating again and 😐 sir youre not getting better by doing this#jfjdjd did i ever say? i used to invite my friends to go study together and all early on#but i stopped doing that bc i couldnt handle the idea of people dealing with me#bc of everything that happened + not wanting to have a breakdown in front of people but#oh and also a bunch of classmate drama but thats a different thing#sO it turned into 'oh wait i think people hate me'#girl you isolated YOURSELF what do YOU think is going on#tw vent#vent#anyways.#so friends kept inviting me out to study this week which made me kinda :')#like listen. nothing about being here feels real tbh. its more a dream and im just ready for it to come crashing down#but it sure is nice to still be invited out and kinda reminded people want me around anyways#regardless if i think im not worth their time and all that#i just feel bad if i start crying on the spot if i show up bc i am ! a cry baby#vent in tags#its not really a vent but meh#anyways. assurance goes a long way basically. im very bad at asking for assurance bc i dont think people should bother but#when people do these things its nice#just small gestures and all#am i romanticizing it a bit? i guess but ill just hold onto any belief for some sense of good lmao
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shout out to all the asian kids whose parents didn't like everything everywhere all at once. im feeling it rn mr. krabs
#man i need to rewatch it... michelle yeoh might be slightly hated by non chinese malaysians for some reasons but#ahhh shes just such a good performer .... augh#ah . ahhhh hong kong actors from back in the day goddamn they r ... some incredible#im gonna cry thinking abt thr movie#im just a queer chinese kid . ah#personal#eeaao#everything everywhere all at once
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..
#WHY AM I SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW#I have no reason to be even a little mad#it feels so irrational#rationally i think it could be ptsd acting up in response to a high level of stress#but can't talk myself out of the anger#i'm just angry and i have to cope without lashing out#everything is setting me off#am i hungry?#i don't know!#that's probably the autism#fucking hell#pick a goddamn struggle Ace#Ahhhh#my name doesn't fit today#it's like a too baggy shirt today and the collar is sitting wrong#a few of the other names fit but they have the wrong texture in the brain#it only makes me angrier :(#i'm in a mood that would let me fist fight a god#but not a mood that would allow me to do it for a good reason#i hate this so much
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IM GOING INSANE OVER TERUKANE RN GUYSS!!!!!!!!!
#two worlds apart#im listening to songs#and juliet and fool by cavetown are driving me craaaazy#they really do think that they're unlovable and have no place by their loved ones but try their best for them in hopes they'll be enough#AND THEY FIND EACH OTHER!!!!#omg and the way they hate each other is sooooo🏳️🌈🏳️🌈#ALSO FUCKING TALK TO ME BY CAVETOWN IS SO THEM LIKE I <3 IDIOTS#okay no wait they hate each other because they relate to each other too much#and because love is something you run from obviously#THEY'RE SO TOUCH STARVED TOGETHER#AND SO CUTE LIKE AHHHHHHH#the way TeruKane try to act strong but just want to be in each others arms LIKE AHHHH also gosh the pining is so top notch#THE ANGST THE FLUFF THE THE THE THE EVERYTHING!!!! THE HURT AND (sometimes) COMFORT#dont you just sit back and think about the first time the other saw one of them cry? like thats a little 🏳️🌈 but i wont say nothin#wait no really these boys deserve love like the way they hate each other is so denial like hear me out#feeling sick of myself think ill try to be someone elseee can't be hard to create a person in head a version the parallel~#okay i love TeruKane so so so much#THEIR LOVE LANGUAGE GETS ME SO BADDDDD LIKE I'M STAGGERING BACK HERE ISTG#they pine over each other while its requited but they're too stupid to notice#Teru come help the poor internalized homophobic fool#OKAY BUT IMAGINE THE FIRST TIME AKANE GOT TO REALLY LIKE COMFORT TERU ISN'T THAT SO CUTE#their dates would be so wholesome tbh like omg....#okay but they're so silly like them them them them#its so heart wrenching seeing them struggle to love each other and gahhhhhhhhhhh ITS 4 AM AND IM GONNA WRITE TERUKANE ANGST#like they try to love each other through the hard times but it feels like everything tries to pull each other apart and its like the#thing BUT THEY'RE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER PLEASE DONT SEPARATE THEM!!!!!#they're canon tbh .....like🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈 i aint sayin nothin but pretty sure you KNOW what im saying....💅#I CANT EVEN THE WAY THEY'RE BOTH ALWAYS ALONE AND NEVER NOTICED BUT THEN THEY FIND OUT THE OTHER HAS NOTICED THEM THIS WHOLEEEE TIMEEE#LIKE THEY SEE YOU FOR YOU!!! AND THEY WANT TO BE THERE BUT ARE SCARED TO NOT BE LET IN#THE WAY THEY FEEL EACH OTHERS PAINNNNN ITS SO SO SO SO SO AHHHHHH
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