#I hate being vulnerable even when I need it
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hi there could i please request promt 16 with leah williamson
First Fight
Leah x reader
~~~
You had been dating Leah Williamson for about six months now. It had been everything you had imaginedāfun, easy, and full of laughter. Both of you were incredibly busy with Arsenalās season, training schedules, and matches, but you always made time for each other. Youād spend evenings together, whether it was after a tough match, over dinner, or simply lying in bed talking about everything and nothing.
But today... today was different.
It started as something smallāa misunderstanding. The kind of thing that couldāve been resolved with a quick conversation. But somewhere along the way, things escalated. Tensions flared, words were exchanged, and before you knew it, you were both storming out of the room, frustrated and hurt. You hated fighting. You had never fought with Leah before. You had always been on the same page, whether it was on the field or in life, but today was different.
You were sitting on your couch now, alone in your apartment, your head buried in your hands as you replayed the argument in your mind. You hated how it ended. You didnāt want to fight with Leah. You just wanted to fix things, to understand each other better.
You had barely heard the knock on the door. The sound was soft at first, but then more insistent, and it made your heart race. You stood up quickly, your mind racing with possibilities. Could it be Leah? You didnāt know if you were ready to face her yet.
When you opened the door, there she wasāLeah, standing in the hallway with a nervous expression on her face, holding a bouquet of your flowers. The soft lilacs, pale pink roses, and delicate white lilies were a perfect match to her concerned expression.
āHi,ā Leah said quietly, her voice soft, almost hesitant. She shifted on her feet, the bouquet in her hands looking out of place. She didnāt seem to know whether she should step in or wait for you to say something.
You took a deep breath, unsure of what to say. But the sight of her standing there, so vulnerable and sorry, made something in your chest ache.
āIām sorry,ā Leah continued, her voice growing steadier. āI shouldnāt have said what I did. I never meant to hurt you.ā She held out the flowers to you, her face sincere but tinged with sadness. āI wanted to apologize. I'm really sorry babe.ā
You took the flowers, feeling the weight of the moment settle between you. They were beautiful. Exactly what you neededācalming and gentle. You looked at Leah, seeing the slight tremble in her hands, the way her eyes searched yours for reassurance.
āIām sorry too,ā you finally said, your voice small. āI donāt know how it got so bad. I hate that we fought. I hate that I made you feel like... like you werenāt heard.ā You could feel your throat tighten as you spoke, the emotions you had been holding back finally spilling out. āI didnāt mean for things to go like this.ā
Leah stepped forward, closing the distance between you. Her hand gently cupped your face, and she leaned in to kiss you on the forehead. āI know you didnāt,ā she whispered, her thumb brushing across your cheek. āI just... I let my frustrations get the better of me. Youāre the most important person in my life, and I donāt ever want us to fight like that again.ā
You closed your eyes, letting out a shaky breath. The warmth of her touch, the sincerity in her wordsāit all melted the tension that had been sitting in your chest. You pulled her closer, wrapping your arms around her in a tight hug, feeling the softness of her hoodie against your skin.
āI hate fighting with you, Leah,ā you said softly, your voice muffled by her shoulder. āI donāt want to argue like that again.ā
Leah hugged you tighter, her fingers gently stroking your back. āMe neither,ā she replied, her voice filled with emotion. āBut weāll figure it out. We always do. And I promise, Iāll work on listening better, being more patient.ā She pulled back slightly, looking you in the eye. āI just want to be with you. And I want to keep making us work.ā
A small smile tugged at your lips, feeling a sense of relief wash over you. āI want that too.ā
Leahās smile softened, her eyes twinkling with that warmth you had come to love. She placed a soft kiss on your lips, lingering for a moment as if to reassure both of you that everything would be okay.
āI love you,ā Leah said quietly, resting her forehead against yours.
You closed your eyes, the words coming easily now. āI love you too.ā
You stood there for a while, just holding each other. The bouquet of flowers had been forgotten, left gently on the table, and everything felt right again. The fight, the misunderstandingsāit all seemed so small now.
Finally, Leah broke the silence with a light laugh. āIām glad you like the flowers. I was afraid Iād mess that part up.ā
You laughed too, pulling away just enough to look at her. āI love them. Theyāre perfect.ā
Leah smiled softly. āGood,ā she said, taking your hand in hers. āAnd next time... letās just talk things out before we get to the yelling part?ā
You nodded, feeling the weight of the argument lifting off your shoulders. āDeal.ā
As you closed the door behind you both and went to sit on the couch, Leah rested her head on your shoulder. Everything felt right again.
#woso#woso x reader#arsenal women#leah williamson#leah williamson x reader#arsenal x reader#woso imagines#woso imagine#woso fanfics
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Slytherin boys ā when they get tired of you
Warning: not proofread, toxic boys!
Enjoy.
Mattheo ā¦
ā¦ is cold as ice when he has had enough of you.
ā¦ is triggered by your mere presence and is very impatient with you. āStop being so goddamn clingy, for fuckās sake ā¦ā
ā¦ does not feel bad when you start tearing up ā he could not care less.
ā¦ depending on how vulnerable and hurt you are by his behavior he would shamelessly use you and drag you along for his own entertainment.
ā¦ he is nice-ish whenever he wants something from you ā mainly sex ā and the moment heās had his fill heād toss you aside.
ā¦ if you told him to fuck off, heād be pissed at your attitude, not having expected this side of you. Heāll bully you and try to make your life at Hogwarts unbearable.
Theodore ā¦
ā¦ is immediately disgusted whenever you try to touch him after he has lost interest.
ā¦ will avoid you ā not in the mood for any confrontation because he just cannot be bothered.
ā¦ will ask you why youāre there if you manage to corner him in his room and laugh into your face when you tell him that you are trying to find out why your boyfriend has been avoiding you. āOh, no ā¦ did you really think we were a thing? Amore, I donāt do relationships, you poor thing.ā Heāll chuckle, while sneering down at you ā completely acting like the last few months did not happen.
Lorenzo ā¦
ā¦ is angry at you for being so boring, because why else would he lose interest? He is perfect so it must be you.
ā¦ cringes when you try to kiss him one morning and pushes you away from his body with one hand and will try to humiliate you in front of his friends, āYour breath smells ā¦ā.
ā¦ heāll watch you blush in embarrassment as you cover your mouth with your hand before rushing away with a mumbled āsorryā.
ā¦ will try to make it seem like you are fucking up before he officially breaks up with you, āYou know I hate this.ā, āWhat do you mean you didnāt know we were supposed to go on a date yesterday?ā ā things like that.
Draco ā¦
ā¦ is ice-cold in his words and actions, treating you like an inconvenience when he loses interest.
ā¦ will make snide remarks and passive-aggressive comments to push you away without directly confronting you. "Honestly, do you have nothing better to do than cling to me all the time?"
ā¦ enjoys toying with your emotions, subtly pulling you back in whenever you try to distance yourself.
ā¦ if you challenge him, he'll scoff and act like you're beneath him, making it clear that your feelings mean nothing to him. "Youāre being overly dramatic. Grow up, will you?"
ā¦ if you stand up for yourself and call him out, he'll smirk and pretend he finds it amusing, but deep down, his ego will take a hit. Heāll go out of his way to make you regret it in public, embarrassing you in front of others.
Blaise ā¦
ā¦ ā¦ is indifferent and distant when he starts losing interest, but heāll keep up the charm just enough to keep you guessing.
ā¦ avoids confrontation completely, leaving you to figure it out on your own. If you ask him what's going on, heāll shrug it off, "Why are you making this a thing? Donāt overthink it."
ā¦ manipulates the situation so youāre the one who feels guilty, even though heās the one who pulled away. "I didnāt realize I needed to explain myself every second of the day."
ā¦ if you demand answers or push too hard, heāll smirk lazily and say, "Itās not that deep. You should move on."
Tom ā¦
ā¦ is calculating and cold, losing interest the moment you stop being of use to him.
ā¦ will make you feel small and insignificant through his words, āDo you really think you matter to me? Thatās laughable.ā
ā¦ has no patience for your emotions, viewing them as weakness. Heāll mock you if you cry or plead with him.
ā¦ uses manipulation to make you feel like the problem. "Youāre the one who couldnāt keep up, donāt try to blame me for your shortcomings."
ā¦ if you try to leave him or call him out, heāll retaliate, ensuring you regret ever challenging him. He doesnāt let go easily ā not because he cares, but because he enjoys control and wants to see you crumble.
ā¦ is cruel enough to turn your friends or others against you, twisting the narrative to make himself look innocent and you, the unstable one.
#slytherin boys#slytherin boys imagine#slytherin boys headcanons#draco imagine#draco malfoy#draco malfoy x reader#draco x reader#theodore nott x reader#theodore nott fanfiction#theodore nott imagine#lorenzo berkshire#lorenzo berkshire imagine#lorenzo berkshire x reader#enzo berkshire x reader#blaise zabini#blaise x reader#blaise zabini x reader#enzo berkshire#tom riddle#tom marvolo riddle#tom riddle x reader#mattheo x you#mattheo riddle imagine#mattheoxreader#mattheo riddle x reader#mattheo riddle
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The Needs of Both these Messy Gays~
I just want to make a point and state that I'm not attacking or pitting both these guys against each other. They're dumbasses, the both of them.
Blitz is someone that is going to need constant reassurance when he's in a relationship.
Being told the words "I love you" scares the fuck out of him because he doesn't trust those words of love.
At the same time, romantic gestures don't work on him because he's always going to assume the worst.
"And then, he'll call me to see how my day was! And he'll pretend to care about me, and comment on my photos, and LAUGH AT MY JOKESā"
Blitz is someone that has used his body and sex as a way to get what he wants. But his relationship to sex is one of the reasons why he's unable to trust those romantic gestures.
Blitz constantly seeks reassurance, and he asks Stolas for that reassurance a LOT throughout Full Moon and Apology Tour...
"Am I not, like, fucking you good enough? Because I-I can always- I can always do better--"
Blitz immediately asks Stolas for reassurance that he's good enough, and that if he isn't good enough, he makes it a point to tell Stolas that he can do better.
Stolas responds to Blitz saying he cares very deeply for him, but being told he's cared about doesn't give him the reassurance he needs.
Blitz asks for reassurance twice from Stolas in Apology Tour...
"This whole thing we had going... I'm- I mean you're a fucking prince. How could you ever actually care for an imp...Ā Me? How could anybody?"
"Stolas, you are better off without me. 'Kay? You deserve so much... I don't even know why you would want to be with me."
Stolas never says anything really wrong in his responses to Blitz, and I think Blitz himself needed to here that. BUT if Stolas were to make one mistake, it would be that he states that he wants somebody / anybody.
Blitz doesn't reach out to Stolas because of his issues in intimacy, and because Blitz himself hasnāt been given the reassurance that he's the one Stolas wants.
Do you know who does give Blitz the reassurance that he's needed? Millie.
Millie is able to give concrete examples to Blitz on how he made an impact on her life.
In fact, Millie states that Blitz is the reason that everything she has in her life is thanks to him being unapologetically himself.
"He gave me so much: a career, a husband, a future, and now... he's my best friend."
The moment Millie gives Blitz the example of how much she values him as a person and as a friend, Blitz immediately asks for reassurance...
"You... you donāt hate me?"
And Millie automatically says, "Nah, never."
The moment Blitz is given the reassurance that he isn't hated by Millie, he opens up, he becomes vulnerable.
Blitz allows Millie to comfort him, and Blitz initiates that intimacy with Millie to which she obliges.
What's beautiful about this exchange is that there isn't anything remotely sexual about it. This is just one friend comforting another friend in need.
Blitz asks for reassurance again in the form of a question...
And the moment Millie reaffirms that sentiment, Blitz opens up and shows Millie the real him.
Not the fuckboy facade, not the mask he wears... this is the REAL Blitz...
Blitz also shows incredible growth by not deflecting to jokes like he usually does, but instead by being honest with Millie...
Blitz promises to Millie that he'll stop impeding on her marriage
Blitz states in the most subtle way that he has feelings for Stolas
Stolas needs to be told that he's cared for and that he's loved by someone.
He's also someone that seeks romantic affection in the form of compliments, and big and small romantic gestures mean the world to him as well.
Blitz unknowingly makes Stolasās romantic fantasies come true...
A rogue assassin comes into his bedroom to "scale the walls" and he acts like he wants Stolas a lot.
This man is attractive, he is literally the protagonist of a romance novel. His boldness and confidence is alluring. He is a dream come true and he's here to take what's his.
This man just literally sweeps Stolas off his feet, and he still does this while giving you the most smug grin.
Blitz throws Stolas to the bed, and gives him ultimate rizz in the form of this shit eating grin.
And the moment Blitz bites his neck, Stolas is so fucking into it he creams himself.
Blitz is so good actually, extremely good in being bold, confident, and sexy. He knows how to unravel Stolas. *cough*
In fact, the moment Blitz catches him, Stolas is smitten and he is down bad.
To Stolas, this is a big romantic gesture. This is a motherfucking dream come true for Stolas because, "OMG THIS HOT ASS MAN JUST FUCKING SAVED ME!"
But Blitz isn't a romantic, he's not good at showing romantic affection in small ways, and that's what screws him over.
Stolas wants and actively seeks the smallest bit of reassurance and comfort that Blitz can provide, whether it be through text and or in other small ways.
This motherfucking birb, this dumbass Prince, even when he has every right to be angry at Blitz for the shit he said to him, still wants Blitz to hold him. In fact, he makes him hold him.
Stolas is so fucking cute, being all like, "I'm mad at you, but I still demand you hold me."
"You wanna know what I want? I want to know what it's like, to not be alone. I want to be someone's someone. I want to feel wanted. But like, in a romantic way, like I'm standing out in the rain at a train station and someone is shouting: āHarriet! Donāt get on that train, itās going to London and I cannot be without you!ā
Harriet the Train is a big romantic gesture. Stolas likes big romantic gestures, and Blitz is really good at doing actions that are big and bold.
Blitz has made Stolas feel wanted in The Circus and he makes him feel protected in Seeing Stars. Blitz knows how to be big.
Stolas doesn't need Blitz to perform Harriet the Train, but can he? Oh fuck yes he can.
"The point is, I just... want someone to care if I stay or go. I want someone to want... me! To want to see me. To hold me. To look at me and think "You're the only one I want!" [sheds tears] "I desire to hold you and talk to you, and never let you feel so..."
This is what Stolas wants from someone right now. He wants to feel wanted in the small ways, he wants to be held, he wants someone to talk to him, to make him feel not so alone.
Right now, at this very moment, Stolas needs the small stuff. He needs the small bits of intimacy that Blitz is not in the right headspace to provide in Apology Tour.
Do you know who gives Stolas what he needs at the moment? Better than Blitzo guy.
He's smooth and charming in a different way from Blitz. He doesn't even look at Blitz, actually, his eyes are only on Stolas.
"Great song earlier. You have great pipes."
He compliments Stolas on his singing, and Stolas is happy to be given a compliment.
BTB than asks Stolas to dance, and Stolas is both surprised and in disbelief.
Stolas is so happy and genuinely has an amazing time dancing with BTB, he even goes out of his way to use his wings to give Stolas a spin.
BTB even performs a big romantic gesture of pulling Stolas into a sloppy wet kiss, to which Stolas happily reciprocates.
I think both these idiots have the potential to be what the other really needs, and I honestly think with proper communication they can have the most beautiful relationship.
#helluva boss#blitzĆø#blitzo#helluva boss blitz#ro rambles#stolitz#helluva blitz#stolas#blitzo x stolas#stolas goetia#Helluva meta analysis
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First of all thank you SO MUCH for being a safe space to be critical of the new arcane season. I wanted to love it. I really really did. But thereās just too much I canāt look past. Itās nice to have a blog I can scroll through where everyone is in a similar boat.
The more I think about it the more I take issue with the concept behind episode 7. Donāt get me wrong from a stand-alone perspective itās the best episode in the new season and had my favorite moments. But the more I think about the more it feelsā¦icky. Iām absolutely not opposed to seeing a well adjusted Powder I love Jinx and her tragedy is the hardest hitting part of the show for me. That said, season 1 gave me the impression that powder was always going to grow up ābadā due to the circumstances she was born into.
Even from the beginning, we see she experiences psychosis, and likely other unnamed mental conditions (I resonate most with the idea of her having bpd.) OBLIGATORY mental illness OBVIOUSLY does not make you a bad personāI deal with a lot of them myselfābut Powder was growing up in a situation where the world was against her. She was in a triggering environment that exacerbated her mental health issues. In my opinion, Powderās tragedy was about how the situation she was born into took a vulnerable young girl, chewed her up, and spit her out as a āmonster.ā
Then we get episode 7 whereā¦ everything is ok?? Donāt get me started on the peace between zaun and piltover its ridiculous and thatās all been said. The scenes on the bridge especially irk me WHY are people so freely traveling between the two cities what happened to the classism WHERE IS THE SOCIOECONOMIC INEQUALITY??
To return to Powder, I get what they were going for. I do. I personally have OCD that only flares up when my mental health is bad and is mostly unnoticeable otherwise. I get that one episode isnāt much time to explore things, but I take issue that after LOSING HER SISTER powder would just? Be okay??? Well adjusted?? Maybe Iām biased. One of my favorite things about Jinx are her struggles with mental healthāit hits close to home. It hurts to see Arcane mostly drop that in the second season. Does au!Powder have psychosis episodes? Does she ever hallucinate Vi? What about her abandonment issues? It feels so cheap to me to say actually if Powder had never accidentally blown up her family she would have been completely healthy and fine actuallyāher path to becoming Jinx always always had a societal problem at the root of it.
And maybe youāll say well powder has a better support system so of course sheās doing fine and I can almost accept thatā¦ except for the apparent peace between piltover and zaun?? ARCANE WHERE IS THE SOCIOECONOMIC INEQUALITY YOU CANNOT TELL ME YOU FORGOT? Sheās not facing the same kind of discrimination and hardship that main universe Jinx experienced and that made her story so compelling. Now again, one episode isnāt much to explore and perhaps she has issues bubbling under the surface, but it feels strange to completely drop that part of her character in favor of everyone is happy and fine and alive (except vi fuck you vi).
Tldr; Jinxās story stood out to me as a tragedy about how a bad environment can exacerbate already present mental health issues. She was ALWAYS doomedāshe did not have the kind of support and care she needed. Jinxās problem was never that ooooooog trauma (and silcoās parenting) made her evil. Jinxās problem is that the world simply doesnāt give a fuck about her and throws her to the wolves. You can remove the trauma from the Powder, but you canāt ever forget that sheās living on the underside of Piltoverās boot.
I can see what they were going for with well-adjusted powder and donāt get me wrong I LOVED her she was so cute. But in combination with some of the other uhhh decisions this season made it just feels like a cop out. Her issues with mental health are nonexistent and yay piltover doesnāt hate poor people anymore, isnt that great? If I could change even one thing Iād give her a little psychosis episode in the scene where Ekko questions her about VIās deathātying her back to Jinx and causing Ekko to break down the boundaries even more between his mental schema of Powder vs Jinx.
Also donāt even get me started on how Iāve seen some people in the fandom respond. Iāve already seen āawwww ekko shouldāve gotten to keep sane!jinxā which. HELLO???
Np~ I am glad to share people's thoughts with the world!! It's nice to read similar thoughts and opinions to your own.
Yeah T.T I enjoyed the p so much, but it was still riddled with the same issues that plagued the rest of the season. The largest is definitely the fact that none of the kids had proper childhoods because the system they live under doesn't allow them peace. You are so right on Powder's episodes - when Ekko started pressuring her and she told him to get out before she does something she'll regret, I legit thought we were about to witness one. She had the body language and the tone of someone who IS about to go off, but then she... Just didn't... Add to that the unrealistic economic situation, which I've already ranted about, and you remove the two unshakeable factors which contributed to Jinx' downfall. Once again the writers are forgetting that the characters didn't start having issues in s1e1, but were suffering long before the show started.
The point of the episode is sort of Dynasties and Dystopia 2: Electric Boogaloo, in that it's dedicated to Ekko's mental separation between Powder and Jinx breaking down. But where in the first instance the breaking came from a really organic place - him realizing mid-battle she remembers their childhood friendship as well as he does - this time it's much simpler. Like. Of COURSE he would start caring for her again if he met her under the most perfect circumstances, where loving her is super duper easy. Letting Powder exhibit her "Jinx"ish tendencies more often would have been a much more interesting situation. I did appreciate the ones she'd had - creating a Vi doll, treating her like she's still alive - but it could have gone even further imo.
As for those saying he should have gotten to keep her as Powder... No what. The point of the episode was that the Powder he'd met made him miss the Jinx he'd known. He wasn't tempted to stay in the perfect world (akhem Heimerdinger akhem) because none of those people could understand him. It's the reason he trusted Vi despite her suspicious return to the Undercity - he can't help but feel connected to those who went through the same trauma he had back then. And that's my fav aspect of why he still cares about Jinx - for the longest time, the two of them were the only survivors of THEIR Undercity. She chose Silco, but she was still the only one who could understand his pain, even across enemy lines. I missed this in s2, too. He said he'd given up on the Undercity becoming a better place, which is bs, he absolutely never did. The only thing he'd given up was her!! SO the speech really should have been about that, and the alienation he'd felt.
In short, I don't really think the episode should have had a "perfect" AU to show Ekko a lesson. It would have been much more interesting to keep it realistic. But oh well, I suppose that's just the chorus of s2
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In the name of piss week and also inspired by the fact Whitney keeps riding my PC when he catches her while she's packing a strap under her skirt (pls i just wanna peg Kylar and Robin, stop being a power bottom for once Whitney š)
PC getting LI's (+ Wren, of course) into trying out watersports and also asking if they can peg them. Telling them to prepare by getting well hydrated. And then pounding them until they eventually piss themselves (God, having Whitney start out as confident as he straddles PC's lap and lowers himself on the silicone cock, only to become a whimpering and moaning mess because fuck it feels good but he needs to piss so bad, and then pissing himself after cumming, still semi-hard so he ends up soaking both himself and PC)
Whitney just instinctually knows and will somehow find your pc, he loves it but will never admit it
Did I accidentally do this with the LIs as bottoms? Yes but idc
Whitney makes it be known that he thinks you're a freak and he does doesn't want to do this. He pissed when you force him to drink a lot of water, he already had to pee but now you want him to drink more. When it comes down to it he's a mess, moaning like a whore and complaining about the pressure in his bladder. He's embarrassed when he does finally piss himself, covering his face and calling you a stupid slut. He hates feeling vulnerable like this.
Kylar is more than happy to do this, drinking all the water his malnourished ass can get a hold of. He is of course a moaning, begging mess. He honestly probably has poor bladder control, so he easily pisses himself.
Robin really, really doesn't want to do this, but you somehow got him to do it. He's timidly drinking water, trying to drag this out for as long as he can. He's whining and moaning, begging you to let him go to the bathroom. He might cry when he pisses himself.
P!Sydney also really doesn't want to do this, but you somehow got him to go along with it. He quietly drinks the water, not wanting to talk about this whole thing. He's embarrassed from the start. He tries to keep his whimpering quiet, covering his mouth, but you aren't having any of that shit and pin his arms down. He might also cry when he pisses himself.
C!Sydney isn't like 100% into it but he's still into it and doesn't have a problem. He smirks at you while he drinks as much water as you ask him to. He doesn't really hold back, moaning like a fucking whore and maybe warning you when he's about to piss himself.
Alex thinks this is odd but doesn't have a problem trying it out one time. He doesn't have the funnest time drinking all that water but whatever. He isn't into it at first but does end up a whimpering mess as you fuck his ass. He will whine when he pisses himself, feeling ungodly vulnerable.
Avery has to be paid to do this, even then he still wants nothing to do with this whole thing. He is pissed as he drinks all the water you make him. He tries to hold back all the sounds he makes, but they still slip through. He's also angrily demanding you let him go to the bathroom. He's quiet as he pisses himself, fuming with anger and embarrassment.
Eden just kinda stares you down, not really wanting to do this but also not hating it. He lazily drinks all the water, not talking all that much. He holds back the sounds he's making and you will have to work harder to get them out of him. He grunts and sighs when he pisses himself.
Wren is willing to try just about anything once, so he doesn't need much convincing. He's also smirking and flirting with you as he drinks all the water. He's not the most vocal man in the world but he is moaning. He actually might moan or at least whine when he pisses himself.
#tw piss#tw piss kink#tw pegging#< just in case#asks#dol#dol whitney#whitney the bully#dol kylar#kylar the loner#dol robin#robin the orphan#dol sydney#sydney the faithful#sydney the fallen#dol alex#alex the farmer#alex the farmhand#dol avery#avery the businessperson#dol eden#eden the hunter#dol wren#wren the smuggler#degrees of lewdity#madison's headcanons
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Chloe's interjection was the icebreaker Lucifer needed. Always one quick to discomfort in moments of vulnerability, he smirked at her added commentary. "Right, well there's that." He took another sip before resuming, never breaking eye contact with the Detective. "Anyway, it's all part of humanity's nasty habit to paint me as worse than I am. I can't honestly say I haven't had my moments, but... you know, I'm not the guy everyone thinks they know." He took a bite as Chloe absorbed and replied, her takes insightful and honest in a way he couldn't appreciate enough. But it was when she had her 'aha' moment about Eve, that Detective's intuition, that's when he really felt heard. "If there's any human who'd understand that, I knew it'd be you, Detective. To tell you the truth, as I always do, I think you always had an inkling. With Eve... it's complicated, and you're right. She's not a wolf, but I wouldn't call her a genuine lamb either. She's a woman who knows what she wants." Lucifer took another bite and shook his head at the notion of it being a sexcapade story. He knew how much Chloe hated those, and it genuinely wasn't one anyway. At least not completely. "No, no, Detective! It's not like that. At least not entirely. Yes, sex was a part of it then as it was now, but it's a part of me. It's the thing most people want from me. A good time. She saw me as the spice her mundanely pure life desperately needed, and she convinced me I was doing right by her. Right by myself."
Lucifer fought every urge to reach across the table as he'd continue, wanting nothing more than contact once more. That would impede their dinner time though, so he resisted and went on anyway. "At the time, I was already on the outs with my Father, my family. I was a bit... lost, I suppose. It was an act of defiance against my Dad and his creation, after Lilith was such a smashing success, but at the same time, it was just me trying to be myself. Find my place." He shifted a bit on his cushion, unsure about what he'd say next before ultimately just going for it. "A bit like now, when I was on the outs with you, I didn't think you cared about me. I thought you hated me, and I was looking for... she just has this uncanny way of showing up when I'm uncharacteristically defenseless." He paused to center himself before finishing. "Regardless, there's no excuse for treating you as poorly as I have these past eight months, even as subconscious as it was. And for that, I'm terribly sorry, Detective."
Lucifer smiled into his glass as he took his own sip. Setting it down, he folded his hands and listened to what Chloe had to say. What she said was really meaningful, especially after everything that has happened. From the start, all he'd wanted was to protect the Detective. He'd done things he had never thought possible of himself, terribly selfless and kind actions, dangerous and stupid ones outside of his usual purview too, all in the name of Chloe's best interest. To hear her articulate that she understood him and would come to him whenever she needed him was so impactful. He nodded and replied in kind. "I'll always be here for you, Detective. I promise you that." With a couple bites of him own greasy goodness, he set it back down, folded the napkin in his hands, and took a deep breath. "Right. Why not just start at the beginning, then? Well, the beginning of... all of this."
He took another bite of his burger, waiting to swallow before he began his true tale, starting 'the beginning of all of this.' Not the beginning of time, nor his fall and all that, but as it pertains to the predicament the partners find themselves in now. "Right, so I'm sure you've heard the age-old story. You know, Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, happy and pure as can be, until mischievous, evil little me came along and tempted her with the proverbial forbidden fruit." He flicks his wrist to indicate redundancy. "But nobody's ever heard my side of it. Not that..." Lucifer pauses for a moment, taking just a brief second to acquaint himself and remember that he's safe here with Chloe. "Not that I think it's a particularly thrilling story, nor does it paint me in the best light. It's not the worst light either..." A tiny smirk to boot with the little ego saver in there, but he is Lucifer, after all. "Anyway, I wish more people knew the truth. Eve isn't who legend has painted her out to be, Detective. As you know from knowing me, sometimes legend gets it wrong. One might even say backwards." He picks up the wine glass in pause, giving the woman opposite a moment to process everything he had laid out so far.
#tumblr rp#rp#roleplay#lucifer morningstar#lucifer netflix#lucifer#lucifer x chloe#lucifer x chloe decker#lucifer x detective#partners 'til the end
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For the first time in a long time, I havenāt the faintest idea what life is going to look like 1, 2, 6 months from now. How terrifyingly beautiful this will be.
#I have a few goals but like. as of last weekend absolutely nothing is the same#itās strange to be in such a familiar place during such an uncertain period of my life#and yknow it never crossed my mind that it would result in seeing faces I havenāt seen in 8 years#which is ummm! unfortunate! cuz a few of those faces I wanna punch!#did u kno the lies u told resulted in us staying together for another two years#did you know heās my best friend regardless of whatever skewed perception you had of me was#just because the relationship stopped working doesnāt mean we hate each other lmao#also we like. still slept in the same bed during that time. he was struggling that night bc I was gone#and you took his vulnerable state and amplified it. even tho he felt like you were being dishonest it created so much more pain for him#what did you gain from doing that? what was the benefit for making lies up when there were genuine mistakes Iād made you couldāve told him#I hold so much guilt for my actions involving you. I wish I could take them all back.#sooo whyād we need to make things up when we had perfectly valid complaints#I feel like I shouldnāt need to mention that he obvs knows about these instances but.#obviously
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been thinking about how danse is who nora is endgame with in death shroud. it compels me
#random thoughts#fallout#okay first of all. and this is largely unrelated but i'm watching a danse romance comp#and??? his authority over you and his desire for your obedience + him saying machines need to be controlled = need to see him on his kneess#i don't like him but i need someone to fuck this man#okay anyways. nora's husband who was in the military was killed. nora then shacks up with a member of an evolved version of the military#and the way danse is written. like he very much could dedicate himself to nora in the same way he dedicated himself to the brotherhood#dude is very vulnerable to cult tactics idk what to tell you#also the fact he's like 'physically im a synth but mentally and otherwise im a human being' and doesnt stop ans think#'oh hey maybe other synths are also human beings' like dude thinks he's the exception#also nora adopts synth shaun. danse is assumedly his adopted dad. ???#this man is so good at compartmentalization like jesus#even funnier if you consider the headcanon that nora is also a synth. they're both just like 'i hate synths but you and i. we're different'#how do nick and curie feel about nora marrying danse.#like wtf you're romantically involved with someone who actively views synths as lesser???#'he's working on it' WELL MAYBE DON'T FUCK HIM WHILE HE'S DOING THAT???#and hancock!!! HE LITERALLY. HE. HE HAS NO EXCUSE FOR HIS GHOUL BIGOTRY#'he was raised in a cult' yeah and he should work on that. maybe the person who's friends with several minorities shouldn't DATE HIMMMM#like yeah be friends with him sure that's fine people in cults need friends outside the cult when adapting to the outside world#but nora. girl. why are you doing this#all this could be cool if they meant to do it but i know they put zero thought behind it#also my headcanon for nate and nora is nate was an asshole who pressured nora into quitting her job as a lawyer to be a sahm#like in a 'it's just temporary honey! unless...' way#and nora absolutely did not bond with the baby and started hating her husband and her baby (very guiltily) and her life#and then she started getting really into cheesy noir dramas. to cope.#that was absolutely unrelated but i needed to get that out there
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sometimes I wish I was a more interesting + charismatic person just so I could keep conversations going bc I like sharing space with other ppl but they routinely lose all interest and leave once I run out of things to say/start talking abt things that don't concern them :-(
#and boy do I run out of things to say so fast when I'm talking to friends who ik dont give a fuck abt any of my interests...#theres only so much i can make small talk or ask them questions abt their own interests/lives yknow. man#it just makes me feel like im constantly competing with smth else for other ppls attention all the time + constantly losing#eg. when i say smth + my flatmate reaches for her headphones a little dark souls banner appears across my vision like INTERACTION FAILED#and i can feel my rsd + insecurities praying on it like the more i feel this way the more it prophetically fulfils itself#by making me less willing to try and take up space so i become a smaller and smaller person around others#it frustrates me a lot sometimes and i dont rly have the will rn to undo that and force myself to take up more space regardless#ik this sounds like a water is wet complaint like oh nooo woe is me people get bored of me when i talk abt boring things (!!)#but when im spending time w ppl i like i enjoy listening to them talk even if im not interested in the subject bc its Them talking#and if they care abt smth then its worth hearing abt!! to me anyway. but it rly feels like no one reciprocates that idk#oh well not that it matters. at least i like the shit im into so i can talk to myself abt it in my head or on this site lmao#and i like myself as a person even if other people dont so theres always that. ur no 1 should always be urself <3#voicing this makes me feel so stupid + embarrassed urgh. i hate being anxious abt dumb shit i hate being the sort of person who worries#that their friends privately dislike/just tolerate them or whatever bc id never want a friend to worry abt whether i thought that abt them#and im not naturally a very insecure person!! i think im just feeling particularly vulnerable atm bc of the season + jobhunting so long#+ the fact im dissatisfied with my current social life + still feel very wobbly from not having other ppl i can trust or rely on etcetcetc#and thats just bleeding into other areas. and it sucks a lot. but theres nothing to be done abt it rn bc im not going to communicate it#to other ppl bc im not pathetic enough to make my anxieties someone elses problem + beg for pity attention im too proud for that š#anyway. gonna play some noita + then i rly need to work out today bc thats probs part of why im feeling so shite#if ur reading this ignore me im just venting itll pass. i hope youre having a nice day :^)#.vent#.diaries
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thank you for the understanding. i apologise if i appear as a āburdenā (for this community, for whatever reason it may be) but if this is a civilised discussion then i need to get this off my chest
obviously i went on a streak of attempting to revile a lot of different pages/accounts on here. i assume some people noticed (i have dozens of asks since yesterday). itās not the first time, i did it once over a month ago; albeit not as thoroughly as right now.
i have been met with a fair amount of genuine concern and empathy since, and at this point i feel bad for it again. it was only because i reached a point where i thought i would be better off with burning bridges with my own account as so i wouldnāt be welcomed here/whatever else. iām tired of attempting to move on and failing because i just canāt seem to
but anyway. sorry for ranting (although this may be a rant) i think this is more relevant
i have a brief idea of my own position on this kind of thing, so iām going to explain as simple as i can. i want to be an animal. probably my entire life itās been something that iāve āhadā even if i didnāt realise that until recently. it was probably the one constant that shaped me as an individual when i was a little younger. itās only ~RECENTLY that itās progressively became a lot stronger as a desire. itās put me in a situation where i have a lot of strong emotions about a lot of things
so i donāt TRY to be hateful to this community but it becomes overpowering sometimes and i canāt help it, even if i should.
thereās a notion that i come across often, that iām ārepressedā, or āin denialā or anything along those lines. iāve had it been said to me by people that are probably genuinely important within this community/people that i happen to ālook up toā as furries. it feeds into my own disdain for these spaces. let me explain. i donāt think iām in denial, i donāt feel like it. i genuinely WISH i was in denial. the idea that iām ādenying myselfā implies that i āamā a fox or whatever else. yet it only angers me because i would be better off i was in denial with myself. i donāt think i am.
it could come off as ānot wanting to be those thingsā. but i likely say a lot of stuff that could be interpreted strangely. it is in my own nature to want to be an animal, so i would TAKE anything to get me closer to that, no matter how small (that doesnāt mean i would settle on it). I FIND IT HARD to accept this community as things are simply, because the idea that one can ābe an animalā and iām human feels like a punch to the gut. i was afraid of ever typing that out because iām afraid it sounds immature, but it doesnāt come from a place of immaturity any more than anything else.
because when you start describing ānonhuman/s/etc. as āliterally animalsā then for me, the thought of wanting to be an animal comes into play. i yearn to be a PHYSICAL animal yet i would give almost just as much to be closer to it in any other regard. itās only the stigma that iāve built around ānonhumanityā that stray me from āwantingā to be it. (alongside just; not being one anyway.)
being told to accept myself hurts, because it implies that there is something to accept; or a prospect of getting closer to the concept of being something else. yet i canāt FIND it. i would jump at the first glimpse of that opportunity, as i have been trying to, but i canāt understand it.
i was called a fox in one of the asks, and (iām sorry to get vulnerable, not as if i havenāt already) a tear literally ran down my face. iām hardly an emotional person like that. i said not to call me anything like that, and iām pretty sure they sent another apologising āiām sorry for assuming what to call youā and iām not going to lie. reading that felt like having my own guts emptied out. the point is, itās my fault
ANYWAY. that was a lot of words. iām sorry for dumping all of this onto here. but i hope that made it clear what i mean/am saying. once again, i donāt think i necessarily deserve forgiveness of any kind despite this. sorry. i hope i didnāt misinterpret anything, thank you for giving me a chance to discuss this and i hope this was coherent.
i donāt think my words hold much value to people like you, and i donāt think you would be willing to listen or take it to heart, but itās still worth trying. i would like you to realise that you are human in every way. you are not an animal, you are not a dragon. (you probably already know this. maybe youāre in denial. i donāt know) either way, none of you would actually be willing to give it even a second of thought because youāre insecure about yourself, and youāre insecure because you know youāre human. i assure you that you will not reach full personal contentment until you live out your life without pretending to be a mythical creature. wtv have a good day
Ooh, I havenāt gotten one of these asks in a few years.
So I ask this, and every other question I will follow up with, completely genuinely, and if youāre willing to really get into the weeds discussing it Iād love to do so (though Iāll probably reblog any follow-ups to my other blog): why do you think you know me and my experiences better than I do?
Why do you think you can armchair diagnose me with insecurity? What evidence do you actually have for that, besides the fact that Iām nonhuman? What evidence do you have that Iām not already content and fulfilled in my life?
Is it possible that identifying as nonhuman is unrelated to those things entirely, and youāre making a false assumption?
I get it. It looks crazy, when youāre completely new to the concept. Itās weird - it is! But pause and listen to us when we talk about our experiences for a moment.
For many of us, myself included, finding nonhumanity is a moment of suddenly understanding - of pieces falling into place, of my life experiences suddenly making sense. Awakening is something that made me more content and fulfilled, not less - thereās a sadness in it sometimes, yes, but so too is there the comfort of understanding yourself in a new way, of realizing, oh. Iām not just weird. Thereās not something wrong with me. There are other people like me.
(If this sounds a lot like the experience of figuring out youāre queer, thereās a reason for that.)
To use myself as an example of the flaws in your hypothesis: thereāsā¦ honestly not much dissatisfaction with my life right now. Iāve got a stable job with decent income. Iād like to be able to cut back my hours a bit, but that will come in time. Iāve got enough free time as it is to do my art and play my tabletop games with friends in my off time. Iāve got family and friends around me. Sure, I miss my wings, but Iām hoping to pick up powered paragliding in the near future and hoping thatāll scratch that itch at least somewhat. Iām doing pretty well, honestly. This isnāt the case for all otherkin, but itās not the case for all orthohumans (people who arenāt alterhuman in any way) either. What it does indicate, however, is that your hypothesis that being otherkin inherently means youāre insecure and unhappy with your life is false, or at minimum flawed - if it were true, I wouldnāt exist.
So, I ask again: why do you think you understand my own experiences better than I do? And moreover, why does it bother you so much that I am the way I am?
The name for the thing youāre doing here, intentionally or not, is concern trolling - trying to push me out of an identity by professing concern for problems that donāt exist. Why? Why are you going out of your way to tell other people theyāre wrong about their own identity? Why is your reaction, when you see an identity you donāt understand, to decide itās unhealthy, or just make-believe, or whatever, and then to make that the problem of the people who identify that way? What exactly makes you think this is inherently unhealthy?
Would it not be better to devote that energy to trying to understand us, instead of trying to change us?
You donāt have to answer these questions to me, obviously, but I do encourage you to answer them to yourself at least. Pick apart your worldview for a minute and see if it actually holds up under scrutiny - itās good for you, and mental enrichment to boot! If you are willing to really get into the weeds of this discussion with me, again, Iād love to do that - I love having discussions like this, and itās good for me to have my worldview challenged every so often too! Please, genuinely, pick at the flaws in my logic if you see them - if it can be pulled apart under scrutiny, it needs to be pulled apart and rebuilt. No one on the internet is obligated to let a stranger do that, obviously, but personally I enjoy it - itās a meat pumpkin for me - so letās talk, if youāre up for it. Itās been a hot minute since Iāve gotten a good interesting antikin to debate with.
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like i think to fish theyre just both people who shouldve died a long time ago and now they arent allowed to. because they need each other. and they both crave that and resent it.
#they WANT to be so important to him that he would fall apart without then AND they resent that they cant fall apart without hurting him#they were having a perfectly decent apathetic slide into eternal misery and then he had to go and ruin it with love. whatever.#like they want to be this essential part of his life because they loooove having that power over him they really really do#and theyre mean about it too. but like. they dont like that it goes both ways#they dont like being looked after or cared about because they get too used to it and they feel themselves falling in love w him again and#they run away. and eventually they come back or he comes back to them. and they tell themselves its just transactional like#they have something he needs and he has something they want#animal sir chloe style#but just like that its like. its NOT that. they need him so fucking bad and they feel better when hes around even when they hate his ass#and espeically after they start 'working' for jr with him its like. they really really love him so bad and they hate it.#these stupid assholes making them feel alive again. making them feel FEEELINGS. liek a PERSON. eugh#and i think they hate how scared they get when something happens to roadhog. theyre supposed to know better than that basically#they feel like needing him is vulnerable because it opens the door for him to hurt them again which is why they so enjoy being the one in#control + being the one who leaves#and the one who lashes out and ect ect. but they cant help themself and they hate hirself for it. so like. well the only solution is that#you shouldve killed yourself two decades ago so i couldve wasted away mad at you like i was supposed to and wed be done with it.#fishs got a case of wanting to die in such a way where they wont take any active steps to get there#but they resent being alive and they resent every minute of pain they endure by being alive. hence the very sex booze violence lifestyle#but the frustrating thing about him is that they. most of the time. like being alive with him. so they have to endure more#more pain and heartache and frustration. and they dont want to but they cant do anything else. they cant even leave again at this point#anyways. my fishy#š#they have every disease
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ive spent like 20 minutes trying to world this eloquently but i give up; im a big fan of linebeck just. not being capable of watching over kids not the person to be the guardian of a group of young people he struggles to take care of himself at times and has so much shit going on that it takes about one conversation with oshus for the old man to realize that this guy is. not doing great
#this was gonna be like. a jokey post at first juxtaposing oshusā expectations vs reality with linebeck but im too emotionally drained#so real linebeck talk in the tags bc idk if ive actually talked much abt like. the specific as on why. iwrite and see him the way i do#likr. off the bat i put him at like 19 in ph and im too fucking tired and just. done rn to justify that like whatever kill me if you wish.#like. hes. been throught a lit hes been abused neglected used ignored hurt ridiculed violated deceived hes so fucking tired#hes worn down over the course of ph it causes him to finally like. express his anguish over what hes been theough its cathartic#hes getting pushed but talking to oshus and being around link loosens him up and he fucking. cries properly yknow#he cries about everything and the last bit of ph hes kind of an emotional wreck but hes finally letting himself feel all that shit#he cries he struggles to articulate himself he has a violent public meltdown as he becomes fed up with his reputation#and it all culminates in bellumbeck just. being a really raw examination of what hes been through and how he feels and what to do now#he hates people he has people he wants to kill people he wanted to kill but after bellumbeck its just. hes tired. hes processed everythjng#and then he needs the post ph crew and everyone they meet along the way to just. be a fucking support system for the first time ever#like post ph hes rhe captain he runs the ship he keeps everyone in line he can do that. but hes softer more vulnerable more self doubting#hes kinder and more hesitant but trying new things and being more openly passionate abt his interests#and he keeps working through his trauma he finds out what else it causes problems for and everyone. supports him#hes not capable of like. being any kind of parental figure to link in ph his perspective on like. how to handle kids is fucked#because his perspective on what a normal childhood should look like is kind of a mess#his perspective on relationships is murky on love on adventure on self expression but post ph hes just. free. tired but free#he manages to take naps the group helps him eat properly he learns his physical boundaries and actually does what he loves#idk. im just. man idk. its still measy but like. my version of linebeck is. i really hate the idea that its so out of character its not him#like. idfk what to even say abt that. idfk what āin characterā looks like when you hc a character to be masking in canon#when you hc them to be lying and covering things up and just. subdued bc theyre working on stuff#that they lie and exaggerate their own traits on purpose but let the truth through some cracks like what rhe fuck then#i hate it bc i dont see anyone else think of linebeck anything like this so im scared im fucking wrong somehow#im tired. i recently learned that one of my cats has been burrowing under and chilling under a blanket we cover a couch with#its very cute
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Welp idk if it did, ima just vent anyways.
#I feel like I would do decent with a therapist#I think about it all the time#but I also think Iād dread to go consistently#bc I might find Iām late or just anxious to go in each time#anticipating finding a therapist that I actually vibe with is another thing#I would probably not be as honest as I can be with my therapist if I like them#something about regretting admitting certain things and feeling shameful after#my pride probably wouldnāt let me say everything I need to get off my chest#I hate being vulnerable even when I need it#I was told itās unusual to cry or at least learned that through pplās reactions#I always felt like I had to repress my emotions#and in hindsight have trained up a very unregulated nervous system that doesnāt know how to regulate emotions still#so as an adult I canāt process what Iām feeling in the moment which makes it harder to express how I feel#so itās like as much as I feel like talking to someone would help#I also see so many cons to it aside from the costs
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#the takes on Russia even from other MLs on this site are rancid#I get trying to bridge to popular discourse and communicate w people who are pro Ukraine without alienating them or whatever but like#lol perhaps many Russians do support this war because theyāre fighting against imperialist domination and the threat of being Balkanized#their path to real prosperity is fighting this NATO lead alliance & esp for the breakaway republics this isnāt just some pointless war#the posts being like āif youāre an ML you must hate Putin at all costsā like lol#why should the people fight against their own government just to leave themselves vulnerable to imperialist domination#esp when partnership with China actually gives them a pathway to steady growth and change while fighting for a multipolar world?#like I donāt need to be deceived about who Putin is to understand the more complex role he plays in geopolitics and appreciate it lmao#huge reason Iāve gotten offline more and just focused on reading#zzzzzzz ā„ļø
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CW: mention of gun violence (in a nightmare. not IRL)
i know for a fact that my period makes me more apt to cry over things because i can have a vivid nightmare about getting randomly gunned down while waiting in line to pick up a pizza then wake up and not shed a tear but when iām on my period i can have one (1) bad dream about my father yelling at me and i wake up and promptly begin full-on sobbing into my pillow
#cw gun mention#cw gun violence#cw nightmares#cw menstruation#cw periods#Seven.txt#Sevenās Public Diary#anyways i gave myself a headache from the crying so thatās cool#whatās ironic is that while i was laying there feeling all sad and pathetic i suddenly thought of the Reader x Moon oneshot i wrote#uhhh what was it called i canāt think straight rn#āwhen iāve got no one elseā or smthn like that#and i started crying even harder LMAO#alright itās midnight-thirty i need to drink some water and go back to sleep#everythingās fine iām just Stressedā¢ļø right now and yesterday was a long and draining day#iām almost grateful for my periods making me more emotional actually bc itās like. easier to just cry and let it all out. yāknow?#i used to despise that part of menstruation cause it made me feel weak but you know what? fuck it#maybe sometimes we need to let ourselves feel weak. maybe the inability to let ourselves be vulnerable is actually the thing to hate#being weak sometimes is important in a way#if you canāt let yourself break down sometimes you will like. explode or something. maybe not physically but. emotionally. mentally.#constantly being strong and/or dead inside will hurt you in the end. you gotta be soft and vulnerable every so often. me thinks#okay enough midnight thoughts GOODNIGHT my everything is sore and hurting so i am gonna stop talking now and go back to sleep
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imagine if someone said this shit about any other group of human beings lol some people are this website are actually sociopathic. of course parents should stop their kids from doing this but why the fuck are you blaming the kid for their natural curiosity? most people tried doing this as children
#i did this and im definitely not a fucking rapist. why the fuck would you say this#kids are the most vulnerable group in society. stop talking about them like this#if you don't enjoy children's company that's fine but there's no excuse to speak of them so cruelly#they're little people with undeveloped brains still trying to figure out how the world works#imagine if someone said this about a highly disabled person who has the impulse control of a child lol all hell would break loose#but somehow it's okay to say about an actual child. wtf#i still remember being so hurt as a kid by people who didn't hide their disdain for children#and child hate seems to be getting even more common now. i don't want my son experiencing this shame inducing shit#i make sure he's well behaved and doesn't bother people but sometimes he tries to do stuff that's natural for a kid#and he shouldn't be made to feel like theirs something wrong with him when he's still learning#*there's#treating kids like this when what they need is guidance and gentle discipline to teach them the ways of the world#is what creates fearful and shame filled adults#again there's nothing wrong with not wanting kids or not enjoying their company but blatant hate is fucked up#children are just as human as any other vulnerable group#i really hope this person is just a 15 year old edgelord. i see way too many adults like this tho#especially on reddit lmao that website is such a cesspool
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