#I hate being vulnerable even when I need it
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mapiforpresident Ā· 12 hours ago
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hi there could i please request promt 16 with leah williamson
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First Fight
Leah x reader
~~~
You had been dating Leah Williamson for about six months now. It had been everything you had imaginedā€”fun, easy, and full of laughter. Both of you were incredibly busy with Arsenalā€™s season, training schedules, and matches, but you always made time for each other. Youā€™d spend evenings together, whether it was after a tough match, over dinner, or simply lying in bed talking about everything and nothing.
But today... today was different.
It started as something smallā€”a misunderstanding. The kind of thing that couldā€™ve been resolved with a quick conversation. But somewhere along the way, things escalated. Tensions flared, words were exchanged, and before you knew it, you were both storming out of the room, frustrated and hurt. You hated fighting. You had never fought with Leah before. You had always been on the same page, whether it was on the field or in life, but today was different.
You were sitting on your couch now, alone in your apartment, your head buried in your hands as you replayed the argument in your mind. You hated how it ended. You didnā€™t want to fight with Leah. You just wanted to fix things, to understand each other better.
You had barely heard the knock on the door. The sound was soft at first, but then more insistent, and it made your heart race. You stood up quickly, your mind racing with possibilities. Could it be Leah? You didnā€™t know if you were ready to face her yet.
When you opened the door, there she wasā€”Leah, standing in the hallway with a nervous expression on her face, holding a bouquet of your flowers. The soft lilacs, pale pink roses, and delicate white lilies were a perfect match to her concerned expression.
ā€œHi,ā€ Leah said quietly, her voice soft, almost hesitant. She shifted on her feet, the bouquet in her hands looking out of place. She didnā€™t seem to know whether she should step in or wait for you to say something.
You took a deep breath, unsure of what to say. But the sight of her standing there, so vulnerable and sorry, made something in your chest ache.
ā€œIā€™m sorry,ā€ Leah continued, her voice growing steadier. ā€œI shouldnā€™t have said what I did. I never meant to hurt you.ā€ She held out the flowers to you, her face sincere but tinged with sadness. ā€œI wanted to apologize. I'm really sorry babe.ā€
You took the flowers, feeling the weight of the moment settle between you. They were beautiful. Exactly what you neededā€”calming and gentle. You looked at Leah, seeing the slight tremble in her hands, the way her eyes searched yours for reassurance.
ā€œIā€™m sorry too,ā€ you finally said, your voice small. ā€œI donā€™t know how it got so bad. I hate that we fought. I hate that I made you feel like... like you werenā€™t heard.ā€ You could feel your throat tighten as you spoke, the emotions you had been holding back finally spilling out. ā€œI didnā€™t mean for things to go like this.ā€
Leah stepped forward, closing the distance between you. Her hand gently cupped your face, and she leaned in to kiss you on the forehead. ā€œI know you didnā€™t,ā€ she whispered, her thumb brushing across your cheek. ā€œI just... I let my frustrations get the better of me. Youā€™re the most important person in my life, and I donā€™t ever want us to fight like that again.ā€
You closed your eyes, letting out a shaky breath. The warmth of her touch, the sincerity in her wordsā€”it all melted the tension that had been sitting in your chest. You pulled her closer, wrapping your arms around her in a tight hug, feeling the softness of her hoodie against your skin.
ā€œI hate fighting with you, Leah,ā€ you said softly, your voice muffled by her shoulder. ā€œI donā€™t want to argue like that again.ā€
Leah hugged you tighter, her fingers gently stroking your back. ā€œMe neither,ā€ she replied, her voice filled with emotion. ā€œBut weā€™ll figure it out. We always do. And I promise, Iā€™ll work on listening better, being more patient.ā€ She pulled back slightly, looking you in the eye. ā€œI just want to be with you. And I want to keep making us work.ā€
A small smile tugged at your lips, feeling a sense of relief wash over you. ā€œI want that too.ā€
Leahā€™s smile softened, her eyes twinkling with that warmth you had come to love. She placed a soft kiss on your lips, lingering for a moment as if to reassure both of you that everything would be okay.
ā€œI love you,ā€ Leah said quietly, resting her forehead against yours.
You closed your eyes, the words coming easily now. ā€œI love you too.ā€
You stood there for a while, just holding each other. The bouquet of flowers had been forgotten, left gently on the table, and everything felt right again. The fight, the misunderstandingsā€”it all seemed so small now.
Finally, Leah broke the silence with a light laugh. ā€œIā€™m glad you like the flowers. I was afraid Iā€™d mess that part up.ā€
You laughed too, pulling away just enough to look at her. ā€œI love them. Theyā€™re perfect.ā€
Leah smiled softly. ā€œGood,ā€ she said, taking your hand in hers. ā€œAnd next time... letā€™s just talk things out before we get to the yelling part?ā€
You nodded, feeling the weight of the argument lifting off your shoulders. ā€œDeal.ā€
As you closed the door behind you both and went to sit on the couch, Leah rested her head on your shoulder. Everything felt right again.
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sinsirellaxx Ā· 2 days ago
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Slytherin boys ā€“ when they get tired of you
Warning: not proofread, toxic boys!
Enjoy.
Mattheo ā€¦
ā€¦ is cold as ice when he has had enough of you.
ā€¦ is triggered by your mere presence and is very impatient with you. ā€œStop being so goddamn clingy, for fuckā€™s sake ā€¦ā€
ā€¦ does not feel bad when you start tearing up ā€“ he could not care less.
ā€¦ depending on how vulnerable and hurt you are by his behavior he would shamelessly use you and drag you along for his own entertainment.
ā€¦ he is nice-ish whenever he wants something from you ā€“ mainly sex ā€“ and the moment heā€™s had his fill heā€™d toss you aside.
ā€¦ if you told him to fuck off, heā€™d be pissed at your attitude, not having expected this side of you. Heā€™ll bully you and try to make your life at Hogwarts unbearable.
Theodore ā€¦
ā€¦ is immediately disgusted whenever you try to touch him after he has lost interest.
ā€¦ will avoid you ā€“ not in the mood for any confrontation because he just cannot be bothered.
ā€¦ will ask you why youā€™re there if you manage to corner him in his room and laugh into your face when you tell him that you are trying to find out why your boyfriend has been avoiding you. ā€œOh, no ā€¦ did you really think we were a thing? Amore, I donā€™t do relationships, you poor thing.ā€ Heā€™ll chuckle, while sneering down at you ā€“ completely acting like the last few months did not happen.
Lorenzo ā€¦
ā€¦ is angry at you for being so boring, because why else would he lose interest? He is perfect so it must be you.
ā€¦ cringes when you try to kiss him one morning and pushes you away from his body with one hand and will try to humiliate you in front of his friends, ā€œYour breath smells ā€¦ā€.
ā€¦ heā€™ll watch you blush in embarrassment as you cover your mouth with your hand before rushing away with a mumbled ā€˜sorryā€™.
ā€¦ will try to make it seem like you are fucking up before he officially breaks up with you, ā€œYou know I hate this.ā€, ā€œWhat do you mean you didnā€™t know we were supposed to go on a date yesterday?ā€ ā€“ things like that.
Draco ā€¦
ā€¦ is ice-cold in his words and actions, treating you like an inconvenience when he loses interest.
ā€¦ will make snide remarks and passive-aggressive comments to push you away without directly confronting you. "Honestly, do you have nothing better to do than cling to me all the time?"
ā€¦ enjoys toying with your emotions, subtly pulling you back in whenever you try to distance yourself.
ā€¦ if you challenge him, he'll scoff and act like you're beneath him, making it clear that your feelings mean nothing to him. "Youā€™re being overly dramatic. Grow up, will you?"
ā€¦ if you stand up for yourself and call him out, he'll smirk and pretend he finds it amusing, but deep down, his ego will take a hit. Heā€™ll go out of his way to make you regret it in public, embarrassing you in front of others.
Blaise ā€¦
ā€¦ ā€¦ is indifferent and distant when he starts losing interest, but heā€™ll keep up the charm just enough to keep you guessing.
ā€¦ avoids confrontation completely, leaving you to figure it out on your own. If you ask him what's going on, heā€™ll shrug it off, "Why are you making this a thing? Donā€™t overthink it."
ā€¦ manipulates the situation so youā€™re the one who feels guilty, even though heā€™s the one who pulled away. "I didnā€™t realize I needed to explain myself every second of the day."
ā€¦ if you demand answers or push too hard, heā€™ll smirk lazily and say, "Itā€™s not that deep. You should move on."
Tom ā€¦
ā€¦ is calculating and cold, losing interest the moment you stop being of use to him.
ā€¦ will make you feel small and insignificant through his words, ā€œDo you really think you matter to me? Thatā€™s laughable.ā€
ā€¦ has no patience for your emotions, viewing them as weakness. Heā€™ll mock you if you cry or plead with him.
ā€¦ uses manipulation to make you feel like the problem. "Youā€™re the one who couldnā€™t keep up, donā€™t try to blame me for your shortcomings."
ā€¦ if you try to leave him or call him out, heā€™ll retaliate, ensuring you regret ever challenging him. He doesnā€™t let go easily ā€“ not because he cares, but because he enjoys control and wants to see you crumble.
ā€¦ is cruel enough to turn your friends or others against you, twisting the narrative to make himself look innocent and you, the unstable one.
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lost-romantique Ā· 17 hours ago
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The Needs of Both these Messy Gays~
I just want to make a point and state that I'm not attacking or pitting both these guys against each other. They're dumbasses, the both of them.
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Blitz is someone that is going to need constant reassurance when he's in a relationship.
Being told the words "I love you" scares the fuck out of him because he doesn't trust those words of love.
At the same time, romantic gestures don't work on him because he's always going to assume the worst.
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"And then, he'll call me to see how my day was! And he'll pretend to care about me, and comment on my photos, and LAUGH AT MY JOKESā€”"
Blitz is someone that has used his body and sex as a way to get what he wants. But his relationship to sex is one of the reasons why he's unable to trust those romantic gestures.
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Blitz constantly seeks reassurance, and he asks Stolas for that reassurance a LOT throughout Full Moon and Apology Tour...
"Am I not, like, fucking you good enough? Because I-I can always- I can always do better--"
Blitz immediately asks Stolas for reassurance that he's good enough, and that if he isn't good enough, he makes it a point to tell Stolas that he can do better.
Stolas responds to Blitz saying he cares very deeply for him, but being told he's cared about doesn't give him the reassurance he needs.
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Blitz asks for reassurance twice from Stolas in Apology Tour...
"This whole thing we had going... I'm- I mean you're a fucking prince. How could you ever actually care for an imp...Ā Me? How could anybody?"
"Stolas, you are better off without me. 'Kay? You deserve so much... I don't even know why you would want to be with me."
Stolas never says anything really wrong in his responses to Blitz, and I think Blitz himself needed to here that. BUT if Stolas were to make one mistake, it would be that he states that he wants somebody / anybody.
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Blitz doesn't reach out to Stolas because of his issues in intimacy, and because Blitz himself hasnā€™t been given the reassurance that he's the one Stolas wants.
Do you know who does give Blitz the reassurance that he's needed? Millie.
Millie is able to give concrete examples to Blitz on how he made an impact on her life.
In fact, Millie states that Blitz is the reason that everything she has in her life is thanks to him being unapologetically himself.
"He gave me so much: a career, a husband, a future, and now... he's my best friend."
The moment Millie gives Blitz the example of how much she values him as a person and as a friend, Blitz immediately asks for reassurance...
"You... you donā€™t hate me?"
And Millie automatically says, "Nah, never."
The moment Blitz is given the reassurance that he isn't hated by Millie, he opens up, he becomes vulnerable.
Blitz allows Millie to comfort him, and Blitz initiates that intimacy with Millie to which she obliges.
What's beautiful about this exchange is that there isn't anything remotely sexual about it. This is just one friend comforting another friend in need.
Blitz asks for reassurance again in the form of a question...
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And the moment Millie reaffirms that sentiment, Blitz opens up and shows Millie the real him.
Not the fuckboy facade, not the mask he wears... this is the REAL Blitz...
Blitz also shows incredible growth by not deflecting to jokes like he usually does, but instead by being honest with Millie...
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Blitz promises to Millie that he'll stop impeding on her marriage
Blitz states in the most subtle way that he has feelings for Stolas
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Stolas needs to be told that he's cared for and that he's loved by someone.
He's also someone that seeks romantic affection in the form of compliments, and big and small romantic gestures mean the world to him as well.
Blitz unknowingly makes Stolasā€™s romantic fantasies come true...
A rogue assassin comes into his bedroom to "scale the walls" and he acts like he wants Stolas a lot.
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This man is attractive, he is literally the protagonist of a romance novel. His boldness and confidence is alluring. He is a dream come true and he's here to take what's his.
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This man just literally sweeps Stolas off his feet, and he still does this while giving you the most smug grin.
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Blitz throws Stolas to the bed, and gives him ultimate rizz in the form of this shit eating grin.
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And the moment Blitz bites his neck, Stolas is so fucking into it he creams himself.
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Blitz is so good actually, extremely good in being bold, confident, and sexy. He knows how to unravel Stolas. *cough*
In fact, the moment Blitz catches him, Stolas is smitten and he is down bad.
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To Stolas, this is a big romantic gesture. This is a motherfucking dream come true for Stolas because, "OMG THIS HOT ASS MAN JUST FUCKING SAVED ME!"
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But Blitz isn't a romantic, he's not good at showing romantic affection in small ways, and that's what screws him over.
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Stolas wants and actively seeks the smallest bit of reassurance and comfort that Blitz can provide, whether it be through text and or in other small ways.
This motherfucking birb, this dumbass Prince, even when he has every right to be angry at Blitz for the shit he said to him, still wants Blitz to hold him. In fact, he makes him hold him.
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Stolas is so fucking cute, being all like, "I'm mad at you, but I still demand you hold me."
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"You wanna know what I want? I want to know what it's like, to not be alone. I want to be someone's someone. I want to feel wanted. But like, in a romantic way, like I'm standing out in the rain at a train station and someone is shouting: ā€œHarriet! Donā€™t get on that train, itā€™s going to London and I cannot be without you!ā€
Harriet the Train is a big romantic gesture. Stolas likes big romantic gestures, and Blitz is really good at doing actions that are big and bold.
Blitz has made Stolas feel wanted in The Circus and he makes him feel protected in Seeing Stars. Blitz knows how to be big.
Stolas doesn't need Blitz to perform Harriet the Train, but can he? Oh fuck yes he can.
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"The point is, I just... want someone to care if I stay or go. I want someone to want... me! To want to see me. To hold me. To look at me and think "You're the only one I want!" [sheds tears] "I desire to hold you and talk to you, and never let you feel so..."
This is what Stolas wants from someone right now. He wants to feel wanted in the small ways, he wants to be held, he wants someone to talk to him, to make him feel not so alone.
Right now, at this very moment, Stolas needs the small stuff. He needs the small bits of intimacy that Blitz is not in the right headspace to provide in Apology Tour.
Do you know who gives Stolas what he needs at the moment? Better than Blitzo guy.
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He's smooth and charming in a different way from Blitz. He doesn't even look at Blitz, actually, his eyes are only on Stolas.
"Great song earlier. You have great pipes."
He compliments Stolas on his singing, and Stolas is happy to be given a compliment.
BTB than asks Stolas to dance, and Stolas is both surprised and in disbelief.
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Stolas is so happy and genuinely has an amazing time dancing with BTB, he even goes out of his way to use his wings to give Stolas a spin.
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BTB even performs a big romantic gesture of pulling Stolas into a sloppy wet kiss, to which Stolas happily reciprocates.
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I think both these idiots have the potential to be what the other really needs, and I honestly think with proper communication they can have the most beautiful relationship.
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eerna Ā· 2 days ago
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First of all thank you SO MUCH for being a safe space to be critical of the new arcane season. I wanted to love it. I really really did. But thereā€™s just too much I canā€™t look past. Itā€™s nice to have a blog I can scroll through where everyone is in a similar boat.
The more I think about it the more I take issue with the concept behind episode 7. Donā€™t get me wrong from a stand-alone perspective itā€™s the best episode in the new season and had my favorite moments. But the more I think about the more it feelsā€¦icky. Iā€™m absolutely not opposed to seeing a well adjusted Powder I love Jinx and her tragedy is the hardest hitting part of the show for me. That said, season 1 gave me the impression that powder was always going to grow up ā€œbadā€ due to the circumstances she was born into.
Even from the beginning, we see she experiences psychosis, and likely other unnamed mental conditions (I resonate most with the idea of her having bpd.) OBLIGATORY mental illness OBVIOUSLY does not make you a bad personā€”I deal with a lot of them myselfā€”but Powder was growing up in a situation where the world was against her. She was in a triggering environment that exacerbated her mental health issues. In my opinion, Powderā€™s tragedy was about how the situation she was born into took a vulnerable young girl, chewed her up, and spit her out as a ā€œmonster.ā€
Then we get episode 7 whereā€¦ everything is ok?? Donā€™t get me started on the peace between zaun and piltover its ridiculous and thatā€™s all been said. The scenes on the bridge especially irk me WHY are people so freely traveling between the two cities what happened to the classism WHERE IS THE SOCIOECONOMIC INEQUALITY??
To return to Powder, I get what they were going for. I do. I personally have OCD that only flares up when my mental health is bad and is mostly unnoticeable otherwise. I get that one episode isnā€™t much time to explore things, but I take issue that after LOSING HER SISTER powder would just? Be okay??? Well adjusted?? Maybe Iā€™m biased. One of my favorite things about Jinx are her struggles with mental healthā€”it hits close to home. It hurts to see Arcane mostly drop that in the second season. Does au!Powder have psychosis episodes? Does she ever hallucinate Vi? What about her abandonment issues? It feels so cheap to me to say actually if Powder had never accidentally blown up her family she would have been completely healthy and fine actuallyā€”her path to becoming Jinx always always had a societal problem at the root of it.
And maybe youā€™ll say well powder has a better support system so of course sheā€™s doing fine and I can almost accept thatā€¦ except for the apparent peace between piltover and zaun?? ARCANE WHERE IS THE SOCIOECONOMIC INEQUALITY YOU CANNOT TELL ME YOU FORGOT? Sheā€™s not facing the same kind of discrimination and hardship that main universe Jinx experienced and that made her story so compelling. Now again, one episode isnā€™t much to explore and perhaps she has issues bubbling under the surface, but it feels strange to completely drop that part of her character in favor of everyone is happy and fine and alive (except vi fuck you vi).
Tldr; Jinxā€™s story stood out to me as a tragedy about how a bad environment can exacerbate already present mental health issues. She was ALWAYS doomedā€”she did not have the kind of support and care she needed. Jinxā€™s problem was never that ooooooog trauma (and silcoā€™s parenting) made her evil. Jinxā€™s problem is that the world simply doesnā€™t give a fuck about her and throws her to the wolves. You can remove the trauma from the Powder, but you canā€™t ever forget that sheā€™s living on the underside of Piltoverā€™s boot.
I can see what they were going for with well-adjusted powder and donā€™t get me wrong I LOVED her she was so cute. But in combination with some of the other uhhh decisions this season made it just feels like a cop out. Her issues with mental health are nonexistent and yay piltover doesnā€™t hate poor people anymore, isnt that great? If I could change even one thing Iā€™d give her a little psychosis episode in the scene where Ekko questions her about VIā€™s deathā€”tying her back to Jinx and causing Ekko to break down the boundaries even more between his mental schema of Powder vs Jinx.
Also donā€™t even get me started on how Iā€™ve seen some people in the fandom respond. Iā€™ve already seen ā€œawwww ekko shouldā€™ve gotten to keep sane!jinxā€ which. HELLO???
Np~ I am glad to share people's thoughts with the world!! It's nice to read similar thoughts and opinions to your own.
Yeah T.T I enjoyed the p so much, but it was still riddled with the same issues that plagued the rest of the season. The largest is definitely the fact that none of the kids had proper childhoods because the system they live under doesn't allow them peace. You are so right on Powder's episodes - when Ekko started pressuring her and she told him to get out before she does something she'll regret, I legit thought we were about to witness one. She had the body language and the tone of someone who IS about to go off, but then she... Just didn't... Add to that the unrealistic economic situation, which I've already ranted about, and you remove the two unshakeable factors which contributed to Jinx' downfall. Once again the writers are forgetting that the characters didn't start having issues in s1e1, but were suffering long before the show started.
The point of the episode is sort of Dynasties and Dystopia 2: Electric Boogaloo, in that it's dedicated to Ekko's mental separation between Powder and Jinx breaking down. But where in the first instance the breaking came from a really organic place - him realizing mid-battle she remembers their childhood friendship as well as he does - this time it's much simpler. Like. Of COURSE he would start caring for her again if he met her under the most perfect circumstances, where loving her is super duper easy. Letting Powder exhibit her "Jinx"ish tendencies more often would have been a much more interesting situation. I did appreciate the ones she'd had - creating a Vi doll, treating her like she's still alive - but it could have gone even further imo.
As for those saying he should have gotten to keep her as Powder... No what. The point of the episode was that the Powder he'd met made him miss the Jinx he'd known. He wasn't tempted to stay in the perfect world (akhem Heimerdinger akhem) because none of those people could understand him. It's the reason he trusted Vi despite her suspicious return to the Undercity - he can't help but feel connected to those who went through the same trauma he had back then. And that's my fav aspect of why he still cares about Jinx - for the longest time, the two of them were the only survivors of THEIR Undercity. She chose Silco, but she was still the only one who could understand his pain, even across enemy lines. I missed this in s2, too. He said he'd given up on the Undercity becoming a better place, which is bs, he absolutely never did. The only thing he'd given up was her!! SO the speech really should have been about that, and the alienation he'd felt.
In short, I don't really think the episode should have had a "perfect" AU to show Ekko a lesson. It would have been much more interesting to keep it realistic. But oh well, I suppose that's just the chorus of s2
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propertyofwhitney67 Ā· 2 days ago
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In the name of piss week and also inspired by the fact Whitney keeps riding my PC when he catches her while she's packing a strap under her skirt (pls i just wanna peg Kylar and Robin, stop being a power bottom for once Whitney šŸ˜­)
PC getting LI's (+ Wren, of course) into trying out watersports and also asking if they can peg them. Telling them to prepare by getting well hydrated. And then pounding them until they eventually piss themselves (God, having Whitney start out as confident as he straddles PC's lap and lowers himself on the silicone cock, only to become a whimpering and moaning mess because fuck it feels good but he needs to piss so bad, and then pissing himself after cumming, still semi-hard so he ends up soaking both himself and PC)
Whitney just instinctually knows and will somehow find your pc, he loves it but will never admit it
Did I accidentally do this with the LIs as bottoms? Yes but idc
Whitney makes it be known that he thinks you're a freak and he does doesn't want to do this. He pissed when you force him to drink a lot of water, he already had to pee but now you want him to drink more. When it comes down to it he's a mess, moaning like a whore and complaining about the pressure in his bladder. He's embarrassed when he does finally piss himself, covering his face and calling you a stupid slut. He hates feeling vulnerable like this.
Kylar is more than happy to do this, drinking all the water his malnourished ass can get a hold of. He is of course a moaning, begging mess. He honestly probably has poor bladder control, so he easily pisses himself.
Robin really, really doesn't want to do this, but you somehow got him to do it. He's timidly drinking water, trying to drag this out for as long as he can. He's whining and moaning, begging you to let him go to the bathroom. He might cry when he pisses himself.
P!Sydney also really doesn't want to do this, but you somehow got him to go along with it. He quietly drinks the water, not wanting to talk about this whole thing. He's embarrassed from the start. He tries to keep his whimpering quiet, covering his mouth, but you aren't having any of that shit and pin his arms down. He might also cry when he pisses himself.
C!Sydney isn't like 100% into it but he's still into it and doesn't have a problem. He smirks at you while he drinks as much water as you ask him to. He doesn't really hold back, moaning like a fucking whore and maybe warning you when he's about to piss himself.
Alex thinks this is odd but doesn't have a problem trying it out one time. He doesn't have the funnest time drinking all that water but whatever. He isn't into it at first but does end up a whimpering mess as you fuck his ass. He will whine when he pisses himself, feeling ungodly vulnerable.
Avery has to be paid to do this, even then he still wants nothing to do with this whole thing. He is pissed as he drinks all the water you make him. He tries to hold back all the sounds he makes, but they still slip through. He's also angrily demanding you let him go to the bathroom. He's quiet as he pisses himself, fuming with anger and embarrassment.
Eden just kinda stares you down, not really wanting to do this but also not hating it. He lazily drinks all the water, not talking all that much. He holds back the sounds he's making and you will have to work harder to get them out of him. He grunts and sighs when he pisses himself.
Wren is willing to try just about anything once, so he doesn't need much convincing. He's also smirking and flirting with you as he drinks all the water. He's not the most vocal man in the world but he is moaning. He actually might moan or at least whine when he pisses himself.
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lucifermorningstxr Ā· 3 days ago
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Chloe's interjection was the icebreaker Lucifer needed. Always one quick to discomfort in moments of vulnerability, he smirked at her added commentary. "Right, well there's that." He took another sip before resuming, never breaking eye contact with the Detective. "Anyway, it's all part of humanity's nasty habit to paint me as worse than I am. I can't honestly say I haven't had my moments, but... you know, I'm not the guy everyone thinks they know." He took a bite as Chloe absorbed and replied, her takes insightful and honest in a way he couldn't appreciate enough. But it was when she had her 'aha' moment about Eve, that Detective's intuition, that's when he really felt heard. "If there's any human who'd understand that, I knew it'd be you, Detective. To tell you the truth, as I always do, I think you always had an inkling. With Eve... it's complicated, and you're right. She's not a wolf, but I wouldn't call her a genuine lamb either. She's a woman who knows what she wants." Lucifer took another bite and shook his head at the notion of it being a sexcapade story. He knew how much Chloe hated those, and it genuinely wasn't one anyway. At least not completely. "No, no, Detective! It's not like that. At least not entirely. Yes, sex was a part of it then as it was now, but it's a part of me. It's the thing most people want from me. A good time. She saw me as the spice her mundanely pure life desperately needed, and she convinced me I was doing right by her. Right by myself."
Lucifer fought every urge to reach across the table as he'd continue, wanting nothing more than contact once more. That would impede their dinner time though, so he resisted and went on anyway. "At the time, I was already on the outs with my Father, my family. I was a bit... lost, I suppose. It was an act of defiance against my Dad and his creation, after Lilith was such a smashing success, but at the same time, it was just me trying to be myself. Find my place." He shifted a bit on his cushion, unsure about what he'd say next before ultimately just going for it. "A bit like now, when I was on the outs with you, I didn't think you cared about me. I thought you hated me, and I was looking for... she just has this uncanny way of showing up when I'm uncharacteristically defenseless." He paused to center himself before finishing. "Regardless, there's no excuse for treating you as poorly as I have these past eight months, even as subconscious as it was. And for that, I'm terribly sorry, Detective."
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Lucifer smiled into his glass as he took his own sip. Setting it down, he folded his hands and listened to what Chloe had to say. What she said was really meaningful, especially after everything that has happened. From the start, all he'd wanted was to protect the Detective. He'd done things he had never thought possible of himself, terribly selfless and kind actions, dangerous and stupid ones outside of his usual purview too, all in the name of Chloe's best interest. To hear her articulate that she understood him and would come to him whenever she needed him was so impactful. He nodded and replied in kind. "I'll always be here for you, Detective. I promise you that." With a couple bites of him own greasy goodness, he set it back down, folded the napkin in his hands, and took a deep breath. "Right. Why not just start at the beginning, then? Well, the beginning of... all of this."
He took another bite of his burger, waiting to swallow before he began his true tale, starting 'the beginning of all of this.' Not the beginning of time, nor his fall and all that, but as it pertains to the predicament the partners find themselves in now. "Right, so I'm sure you've heard the age-old story. You know, Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, happy and pure as can be, until mischievous, evil little me came along and tempted her with the proverbial forbidden fruit." He flicks his wrist to indicate redundancy. "But nobody's ever heard my side of it. Not that..." Lucifer pauses for a moment, taking just a brief second to acquaint himself and remember that he's safe here with Chloe. "Not that I think it's a particularly thrilling story, nor does it paint me in the best light. It's not the worst light either..." A tiny smirk to boot with the little ego saver in there, but he is Lucifer, after all. "Anyway, I wish more people knew the truth. Eve isn't who legend has painted her out to be, Detective. As you know from knowing me, sometimes legend gets it wrong. One might even say backwards." He picks up the wine glass in pause, giving the woman opposite a moment to process everything he had laid out so far.
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dreamersneverlose Ā· 1 month ago
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For the first time in a long time, I havenā€™t the faintest idea what life is going to look like 1, 2, 6 months from now. How terrifyingly beautiful this will be.
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my-thoughts-and-junk Ā· 4 months ago
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been thinking about how danse is who nora is endgame with in death shroud. it compels me
#random thoughts#fallout#okay first of all. and this is largely unrelated but i'm watching a danse romance comp#and??? his authority over you and his desire for your obedience + him saying machines need to be controlled = need to see him on his kneess#i don't like him but i need someone to fuck this man#okay anyways. nora's husband who was in the military was killed. nora then shacks up with a member of an evolved version of the military#and the way danse is written. like he very much could dedicate himself to nora in the same way he dedicated himself to the brotherhood#dude is very vulnerable to cult tactics idk what to tell you#also the fact he's like 'physically im a synth but mentally and otherwise im a human being' and doesnt stop ans think#'oh hey maybe other synths are also human beings' like dude thinks he's the exception#also nora adopts synth shaun. danse is assumedly his adopted dad. ???#this man is so good at compartmentalization like jesus#even funnier if you consider the headcanon that nora is also a synth. they're both just like 'i hate synths but you and i. we're different'#how do nick and curie feel about nora marrying danse.#like wtf you're romantically involved with someone who actively views synths as lesser???#'he's working on it' WELL MAYBE DON'T FUCK HIM WHILE HE'S DOING THAT???#and hancock!!! HE LITERALLY. HE. HE HAS NO EXCUSE FOR HIS GHOUL BIGOTRY#'he was raised in a cult' yeah and he should work on that. maybe the person who's friends with several minorities shouldn't DATE HIMMMM#like yeah be friends with him sure that's fine people in cults need friends outside the cult when adapting to the outside world#but nora. girl. why are you doing this#all this could be cool if they meant to do it but i know they put zero thought behind it#also my headcanon for nate and nora is nate was an asshole who pressured nora into quitting her job as a lawyer to be a sahm#like in a 'it's just temporary honey! unless...' way#and nora absolutely did not bond with the baby and started hating her husband and her baby (very guiltily) and her life#and then she started getting really into cheesy noir dramas. to cope.#that was absolutely unrelated but i needed to get that out there
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phagodyke Ā· 1 year ago
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sometimes I wish I was a more interesting + charismatic person just so I could keep conversations going bc I like sharing space with other ppl but they routinely lose all interest and leave once I run out of things to say/start talking abt things that don't concern them :-(
#and boy do I run out of things to say so fast when I'm talking to friends who ik dont give a fuck abt any of my interests...#theres only so much i can make small talk or ask them questions abt their own interests/lives yknow. man#it just makes me feel like im constantly competing with smth else for other ppls attention all the time + constantly losing#eg. when i say smth + my flatmate reaches for her headphones a little dark souls banner appears across my vision like INTERACTION FAILED#and i can feel my rsd + insecurities praying on it like the more i feel this way the more it prophetically fulfils itself#by making me less willing to try and take up space so i become a smaller and smaller person around others#it frustrates me a lot sometimes and i dont rly have the will rn to undo that and force myself to take up more space regardless#ik this sounds like a water is wet complaint like oh nooo woe is me people get bored of me when i talk abt boring things (!!)#but when im spending time w ppl i like i enjoy listening to them talk even if im not interested in the subject bc its Them talking#and if they care abt smth then its worth hearing abt!! to me anyway. but it rly feels like no one reciprocates that idk#oh well not that it matters. at least i like the shit im into so i can talk to myself abt it in my head or on this site lmao#and i like myself as a person even if other people dont so theres always that. ur no 1 should always be urself <3#voicing this makes me feel so stupid + embarrassed urgh. i hate being anxious abt dumb shit i hate being the sort of person who worries#that their friends privately dislike/just tolerate them or whatever bc id never want a friend to worry abt whether i thought that abt them#and im not naturally a very insecure person!! i think im just feeling particularly vulnerable atm bc of the season + jobhunting so long#+ the fact im dissatisfied with my current social life + still feel very wobbly from not having other ppl i can trust or rely on etcetcetc#and thats just bleeding into other areas. and it sucks a lot. but theres nothing to be done abt it rn bc im not going to communicate it#to other ppl bc im not pathetic enough to make my anxieties someone elses problem + beg for pity attention im too proud for that šŸ‘#anyway. gonna play some noita + then i rly need to work out today bc thats probs part of why im feeling so shite#if ur reading this ignore me im just venting itll pass. i hope youre having a nice day :^)#.vent#.diaries
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wewillbeseen-butnotbeheard Ā· 5 hours ago
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thank you for the understanding. i apologise if i appear as a ā€œburdenā€ (for this community, for whatever reason it may be) but if this is a civilised discussion then i need to get this off my chest
obviously i went on a streak of attempting to revile a lot of different pages/accounts on here. i assume some people noticed (i have dozens of asks since yesterday). itā€™s not the first time, i did it once over a month ago; albeit not as thoroughly as right now.
i have been met with a fair amount of genuine concern and empathy since, and at this point i feel bad for it again. it was only because i reached a point where i thought i would be better off with burning bridges with my own account as so i wouldnā€™t be welcomed here/whatever else. iā€™m tired of attempting to move on and failing because i just canā€™t seem to
but anyway. sorry for ranting (although this may be a rant) i think this is more relevant
i have a brief idea of my own position on this kind of thing, so iā€™m going to explain as simple as i can. i want to be an animal. probably my entire life itā€™s been something that iā€™ve ā€œhadā€ even if i didnā€™t realise that until recently. it was probably the one constant that shaped me as an individual when i was a little younger. itā€™s only ~RECENTLY that itā€™s progressively became a lot stronger as a desire. itā€™s put me in a situation where i have a lot of strong emotions about a lot of things
so i donā€™t TRY to be hateful to this community but it becomes overpowering sometimes and i canā€™t help it, even if i should.
thereā€™s a notion that i come across often, that iā€™m ā€œrepressedā€, or ā€œin denialā€ or anything along those lines. iā€™ve had it been said to me by people that are probably genuinely important within this community/people that i happen to ā€œlook up toā€ as furries. it feeds into my own disdain for these spaces. let me explain. i donā€™t think iā€™m in denial, i donā€™t feel like it. i genuinely WISH i was in denial. the idea that iā€™m ā€œdenying myselfā€ implies that i ā€œamā€ a fox or whatever else. yet it only angers me because i would be better off i was in denial with myself. i donā€™t think i am.
it could come off as ā€œnot wanting to be those thingsā€. but i likely say a lot of stuff that could be interpreted strangely. it is in my own nature to want to be an animal, so i would TAKE anything to get me closer to that, no matter how small (that doesnā€™t mean i would settle on it). I FIND IT HARD to accept this community as things are simply, because the idea that one can ā€œbe an animalā€ and iā€™m human feels like a punch to the gut. i was afraid of ever typing that out because iā€™m afraid it sounds immature, but it doesnā€™t come from a place of immaturity any more than anything else.
because when you start describing ā€œnonhuman/s/etc. as ā€œliterally animalsā€ then for me, the thought of wanting to be an animal comes into play. i yearn to be a PHYSICAL animal yet i would give almost just as much to be closer to it in any other regard. itā€™s only the stigma that iā€™ve built around ā€œnonhumanityā€ that stray me from ā€œwantingā€ to be it. (alongside just; not being one anyway.)
being told to accept myself hurts, because it implies that there is something to accept; or a prospect of getting closer to the concept of being something else. yet i canā€™t FIND it. i would jump at the first glimpse of that opportunity, as i have been trying to, but i canā€™t understand it.
i was called a fox in one of the asks, and (iā€™m sorry to get vulnerable, not as if i havenā€™t already) a tear literally ran down my face. iā€™m hardly an emotional person like that. i said not to call me anything like that, and iā€™m pretty sure they sent another apologising ā€œiā€™m sorry for assuming what to call youā€ and iā€™m not going to lie. reading that felt like having my own guts emptied out. the point is, itā€™s my fault
ANYWAY. that was a lot of words. iā€™m sorry for dumping all of this onto here. but i hope that made it clear what i mean/am saying. once again, i donā€™t think i necessarily deserve forgiveness of any kind despite this. sorry. i hope i didnā€™t misinterpret anything, thank you for giving me a chance to discuss this and i hope this was coherent.
i donā€™t think my words hold much value to people like you, and i donā€™t think you would be willing to listen or take it to heart, but itā€™s still worth trying. i would like you to realise that you are human in every way. you are not an animal, you are not a dragon. (you probably already know this. maybe youā€™re in denial. i donā€™t know) either way, none of you would actually be willing to give it even a second of thought because youā€™re insecure about yourself, and youā€™re insecure because you know youā€™re human. i assure you that you will not reach full personal contentment until you live out your life without pretending to be a mythical creature. wtv have a good day
Ooh, I havenā€™t gotten one of these asks in a few years.
So I ask this, and every other question I will follow up with, completely genuinely, and if youā€™re willing to really get into the weeds discussing it Iā€™d love to do so (though Iā€™ll probably reblog any follow-ups to my other blog): why do you think you know me and my experiences better than I do?
Why do you think you can armchair diagnose me with insecurity? What evidence do you actually have for that, besides the fact that Iā€™m nonhuman? What evidence do you have that Iā€™m not already content and fulfilled in my life?
Is it possible that identifying as nonhuman is unrelated to those things entirely, and youā€™re making a false assumption?
I get it. It looks crazy, when youā€™re completely new to the concept. Itā€™s weird - it is! But pause and listen to us when we talk about our experiences for a moment.
For many of us, myself included, finding nonhumanity is a moment of suddenly understanding - of pieces falling into place, of my life experiences suddenly making sense. Awakening is something that made me more content and fulfilled, not less - thereā€™s a sadness in it sometimes, yes, but so too is there the comfort of understanding yourself in a new way, of realizing, oh. Iā€™m not just weird. Thereā€™s not something wrong with me. There are other people like me.
(If this sounds a lot like the experience of figuring out youā€™re queer, thereā€™s a reason for that.)
To use myself as an example of the flaws in your hypothesis: thereā€™sā€¦ honestly not much dissatisfaction with my life right now. Iā€™ve got a stable job with decent income. Iā€™d like to be able to cut back my hours a bit, but that will come in time. Iā€™ve got enough free time as it is to do my art and play my tabletop games with friends in my off time. Iā€™ve got family and friends around me. Sure, I miss my wings, but Iā€™m hoping to pick up powered paragliding in the near future and hoping thatā€™ll scratch that itch at least somewhat. Iā€™m doing pretty well, honestly. This isnā€™t the case for all otherkin, but itā€™s not the case for all orthohumans (people who arenā€™t alterhuman in any way) either. What it does indicate, however, is that your hypothesis that being otherkin inherently means youā€™re insecure and unhappy with your life is false, or at minimum flawed - if it were true, I wouldnā€™t exist.
So, I ask again: why do you think you understand my own experiences better than I do? And moreover, why does it bother you so much that I am the way I am?
The name for the thing youā€™re doing here, intentionally or not, is concern trolling - trying to push me out of an identity by professing concern for problems that donā€™t exist. Why? Why are you going out of your way to tell other people theyā€™re wrong about their own identity? Why is your reaction, when you see an identity you donā€™t understand, to decide itā€™s unhealthy, or just make-believe, or whatever, and then to make that the problem of the people who identify that way? What exactly makes you think this is inherently unhealthy?
Would it not be better to devote that energy to trying to understand us, instead of trying to change us?
You donā€™t have to answer these questions to me, obviously, but I do encourage you to answer them to yourself at least. Pick apart your worldview for a minute and see if it actually holds up under scrutiny - itā€™s good for you, and mental enrichment to boot! If you are willing to really get into the weeds of this discussion with me, again, Iā€™d love to do that - I love having discussions like this, and itā€™s good for me to have my worldview challenged every so often too! Please, genuinely, pick at the flaws in my logic if you see them - if it can be pulled apart under scrutiny, it needs to be pulled apart and rebuilt. No one on the internet is obligated to let a stranger do that, obviously, but personally I enjoy it - itā€™s a meat pumpkin for me - so letā€™s talk, if youā€™re up for it. Itā€™s been a hot minute since Iā€™ve gotten a good interesting antikin to debate with.
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termagax Ā· 8 months ago
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like i think to fish theyre just both people who shouldve died a long time ago and now they arent allowed to. because they need each other. and they both crave that and resent it.
#they WANT to be so important to him that he would fall apart without then AND they resent that they cant fall apart without hurting him#they were having a perfectly decent apathetic slide into eternal misery and then he had to go and ruin it with love. whatever.#like they want to be this essential part of his life because they loooove having that power over him they really really do#and theyre mean about it too. but like. they dont like that it goes both ways#they dont like being looked after or cared about because they get too used to it and they feel themselves falling in love w him again and#they run away. and eventually they come back or he comes back to them. and they tell themselves its just transactional like#they have something he needs and he has something they want#animal sir chloe style#but just like that its like. its NOT that. they need him so fucking bad and they feel better when hes around even when they hate his ass#and espeically after they start 'working' for jr with him its like. they really really love him so bad and they hate it.#these stupid assholes making them feel alive again. making them feel FEEELINGS. liek a PERSON. eugh#and i think they hate how scared they get when something happens to roadhog. theyre supposed to know better than that basically#they feel like needing him is vulnerable because it opens the door for him to hurt them again which is why they so enjoy being the one in#control + being the one who leaves#and the one who lashes out and ect ect. but they cant help themself and they hate hirself for it. so like. well the only solution is that#you shouldve killed yourself two decades ago so i couldve wasted away mad at you like i was supposed to and wed be done with it.#fishs got a case of wanting to die in such a way where they wont take any active steps to get there#but they resent being alive and they resent every minute of pain they endure by being alive. hence the very sex booze violence lifestyle#but the frustrating thing about him is that they. most of the time. like being alive with him. so they have to endure more#more pain and heartache and frustration. and they dont want to but they cant do anything else. they cant even leave again at this point#anyways. my fishy#šŸŸ#they have every disease
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waywardsalt Ā· 10 months ago
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ive spent like 20 minutes trying to world this eloquently but i give up; im a big fan of linebeck just. not being capable of watching over kids not the person to be the guardian of a group of young people he struggles to take care of himself at times and has so much shit going on that it takes about one conversation with oshus for the old man to realize that this guy is. not doing great
#this was gonna be like. a jokey post at first juxtaposing oshusā€™ expectations vs reality with linebeck but im too emotionally drained#so real linebeck talk in the tags bc idk if ive actually talked much abt like. the specific as on why. iwrite and see him the way i do#likr. off the bat i put him at like 19 in ph and im too fucking tired and just. done rn to justify that like whatever kill me if you wish.#like. hes. been throught a lit hes been abused neglected used ignored hurt ridiculed violated deceived hes so fucking tired#hes worn down over the course of ph it causes him to finally like. express his anguish over what hes been theough its cathartic#hes getting pushed but talking to oshus and being around link loosens him up and he fucking. cries properly yknow#he cries about everything and the last bit of ph hes kind of an emotional wreck but hes finally letting himself feel all that shit#he cries he struggles to articulate himself he has a violent public meltdown as he becomes fed up with his reputation#and it all culminates in bellumbeck just. being a really raw examination of what hes been through and how he feels and what to do now#he hates people he has people he wants to kill people he wanted to kill but after bellumbeck its just. hes tired. hes processed everythjng#and then he needs the post ph crew and everyone they meet along the way to just. be a fucking support system for the first time ever#like post ph hes rhe captain he runs the ship he keeps everyone in line he can do that. but hes softer more vulnerable more self doubting#hes kinder and more hesitant but trying new things and being more openly passionate abt his interests#and he keeps working through his trauma he finds out what else it causes problems for and everyone. supports him#hes not capable of like. being any kind of parental figure to link in ph his perspective on like. how to handle kids is fucked#because his perspective on what a normal childhood should look like is kind of a mess#his perspective on relationships is murky on love on adventure on self expression but post ph hes just. free. tired but free#he manages to take naps the group helps him eat properly he learns his physical boundaries and actually does what he loves#idk. im just. man idk. its still measy but like. my version of linebeck is. i really hate the idea that its so out of character its not him#like. idfk what to even say abt that. idfk what ā€˜in characterā€™ looks like when you hc a character to be masking in canon#when you hc them to be lying and covering things up and just. subdued bc theyre working on stuff#that they lie and exaggerate their own traits on purpose but let the truth through some cracks like what rhe fuck then#i hate it bc i dont see anyone else think of linebeck anything like this so im scared im fucking wrong somehow#im tired. i recently learned that one of my cats has been burrowing under and chilling under a blanket we cover a couch with#its very cute
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diaryofanormalkid Ā· 1 year ago
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Welp idk if it did, ima just vent anyways.
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butchstalinist Ā· 1 year ago
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ā€”
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seventh-district Ā· 2 years ago
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CW: mention of gun violence (in a nightmare. not IRL)
i know for a fact that my period makes me more apt to cry over things because i can have a vivid nightmare about getting randomly gunned down while waiting in line to pick up a pizza then wake up and not shed a tear but when iā€™m on my period i can have one (1) bad dream about my father yelling at me and i wake up and promptly begin full-on sobbing into my pillow
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mitragynines Ā· 2 years ago
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imagine if someone said this shit about any other group of human beings lol some people are this website are actually sociopathic. of course parents should stop their kids from doing this but why the fuck are you blaming the kid for their natural curiosity? most people tried doing this as children
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