#I hate being perceived I hate people looking at me I -
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
1,644 Tumblr posts in 1 second.
Text
is it fair to call people like this "hack writers" if the only way they find a relationship interesting is when it involves pedophilia, incest, cannibalism or necrophilia?
#context: this was in response to a quote about cannibalism in a romantic context#note: this is purely in a writing perspective.#i find the value in romantic cannibalism because it is a interesting metaphor in general#but maybe look at irl examples of cannibalism and you'll realize that it is WAY more complicated#(ex. families in different cultures eating parts of a dead family member to connect them together; even after death)#(or the written historical accounts of slave-owners cannibalizing their slaves & the subsequent trauma for black people related to it)#cannibalism as a metaphor should never be restrained to only romance or love#do you recognize how interesting it can be to use cannibalism as a metaphor for hate? or for literally anything else?#it can be used as a metaphor for control; power; possession; abuse or destroying someone at their very core#im sure it can be used for both simultaneously but i think its limiting to perceive it as 100% romantic#also it limits the discussions of real life cannibalism; both modern and historical#+ is it really impossible to think of a “forbidden relationship” without these 4 subjects?#but the persons' bio starts w/ them being into winc3st (the one who wrote that) so i dont think they give a shit#(sorry for the fuck-ton of tags. it always bothered me as someone who does writing analysis sometimes & get fixated on culture and history)#[just me yapping]#ok to rb#proships dni#tw pedophila mention#tw incest mention#tw necrophillia#racism tw#tw cannibalism#<- these definitely apply here#[discourse talk]
30 notes
·
View notes
Text
seeing all the houses downtown with their lights on in different rooms made my chest ache but it's all good 👌
#imagined coming home to someone who loves me for the real person i am and took immense psychic damage. but we stay silly#i don't want a man and kids but. damn i just want all this stupid work to be worth it#or i want it to be easier to be perceived. to just hate it a little less so i can get coffee with a friend twice a month#or i want people to not get this look like i'm making them uncomfortable any time i open my mouth to talk#like there's something off#i'm always standing in the wrong place or making the wrong expression. i can't imagine being seen in person daily and loved#well maybe i can move up north to where they rent out the big ancient houses as split apartments so then i'll hear other people in the house#i could learn to parallel park. i could wear coats
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
I’ve been in such a bad mood these past few days. Not really related to online stuff much at all but. Resisting the urge to vent in a very mentally ill way on here but god please stop sending me asks about everything that happens in search of … whatever answers you think I have; I don’t do well with other people and I’m really just going to close my inbox to anons. Everyone takes everything so damn seriously here and because I’ve chosen to share and speculate leaks because I find it fun like solving a puzzle, I get all the people who attach themselves to it more because they’re severely insecure and anxious, and it wears on me too like man I really don’t care !

If I didn’t answer your ask and it’s just one of the ones asking me abt my personal opinion or theories : not applicable to you dw. I have severe executive dysfunction issues it’s a slog for me to do almost anything if not extremely motivated
#I’m just done interacting with people I think I should just be a full hermit in a hole#I hate being perceived I hate people looking at me I -#but I also NEED attention because I’m a human being!#and interaction. just both make me want to kms#I hate how - ok rant over im not venting here.
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
(genderly) chill as hell if i was only ever glimpsed / detected like this
#Shrouded In A Rectangle neither sleeves nor an open front to be besieged with? yes#just doing whatever else like doesn't matter. tee cargo shorts which is my best guess rn of my ideal outfit. + sandals Absolutely#unfortunately my hair could never do that. somehow neither am i yet like forties fifties? have i not been at this for eons?#i Can be like uh let's just nobody talk to me i'm busy pensively perceiving truths that you don't ever actually wanna hear about#just the other day it was like hey....a [way Having To Talk could be a difficulty / problem] was under my nose in this lifelong pattern#certainly noticing the Verbal Exchange Demand heaped upon burnout as like [delay delay delay struggle weariness stress]#but also who knows like spent plenty of time just probably indeed Not having to have such exchanges while burned out. not noting them#anyway like this isn't even [dysphoric Ideal Outfit until i could [whatever supposed even more ideal than that gender euphoria]]#though shoutout to that but like nah get shrouded anyway. the only [how do i look] im motivated to consider is: when it's a costume#when it's just me it's like. i guess whatever pants and a comfortable enough tee. need glasses. hair's w/e so cut quite short ig#might accessorize w/things that are fun to me like hey yeah yknow i might want a calculator watch#[yea as a kid it was like :( im actively appreciating the animals supposedly Gross or Bad] if i had hated little friends Sure yaay#if i had disorienting light effects like a pelagic creature. but you don't even need that. like hey i'm nd in real life. i got it#chat i'm in the walls too bestie lmao. if only my bigfoot pose reference Step was this good#tl;dr long rephrasing of my being like; now the gender slay....#& nodding & Noting when [worksheet exercise: what's your gender euphoria look?] is like shrug idk. but this is serving maximally to me; so#going Chat how can i up my uncanny stats. looking up ''isn't it like Uncanny knowledge e.g. so like why not....canny''#but i think the un canny is the Uncanniness Accuser's perspective. not of My ken. your literal weird one maybe#so again apt to be like jk i'm just autistic & shit; i got it....horror shit challenge impossible: Don't have sm typical mundane#[disability moment] as like Unsettling danger/malice cues. challenge impossible; again#subverted here like as [horror holding hands touching foreheads w/comedy] w/o Rescinding just casual disabled behavior/qualities#just remembered like three witches weird sisters etc macbeth. weird uncanny soothsaying gendering. word#anyway i should be shrouded (made no any connection whenever i put the blanket now over my head & shoulders in place min ago)#perhaps the real Ideal Look insight: i do not have any way i wish to be observed by people. secret passages / removed room anytime
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#absolutely do not want to argue because i get where the post is coming from with but im gonna give some thots#re: dennis autism!!!! ok!!!!!#ive talked about it before but there is WAY more to him being autistic than just the buzzer noises. when i first watched that i was like#is THIS really why people hc him as autistic. :/ and i get it! i do! i think he has misophonia inherited from glenn personally#its actually why i captioned the noise sensitive den gifsets as that rather than just. autism.#but personally i see his scripted social interactions and i go. yeah. me. me fuckin too.#and his outbursts. which are VERY personally relatable to me#i have uh. basically the same triggers? very similar triggers at least#i think dennis' neurodivergency presents itself differently because of his upbringing and thats why a lot of ppl go ???? when you say.#'yea i think den's autistic actually'#and like i said i was absolutely like. what the hell are people talking about. he's not autistic#but uh. on rewatches? hm.#dennis quite literally masks almost 24/7#charlie has no qualms about being perceived as like. weird. but dennis masks SO hard. SSSSSSOOOOO hard#i once saw a post like. charlie has boy autism and dennis has girl autism which honestly fucking hate that but its... kiiiind of true#ASD presents itself differently in adults depending on early social conditioning#mac fights gay marriage. group dates. new wheels. dee day. celebrity booze. all the big ones. all the hits.#look how he acts when he goes off script and is forced to speak off the cuff#the way glenn describes him as being very emotional but unable to adequately express his emotions too like. yeah. same.#theres so much more than the noise sensitivity#i could go on and on about how many fucking boxes he ticks but i honestly hate that shit. i know how autism works and that bitch is autisti#im going to refrain from commenting on the reasons why i feel charlie is more acceptably hced as autistic vs dennis because mmmmm but#dennis being 'hypersexual' (not about the sex. at all) and socially adept (has scripts/systems. charlie is more emotionally intelligent)#smells a lil stinky. smells a little bit like infantilization on charlie's part.#ada speaks#ok ill spare you guys. someday ill write a proper meta on this. ive talked about it before but.
34 notes
·
View notes
Text
I fucking HATE how the fandom treats m.ine. it's so bad 😭
#ash rambles 💚#so many shitty takes... too much time on twitter ruins a man#i hear one more person call him a crazy obsessive yandere and i think I'm actually gonna lose it#he's either portrayed like that or as one half of a ship#his actual character is lost on so many people because oOoOOoOOooOoO mInE wAs GaY#i dont doubt that he likes men. it's just that I've seen so many people be weird about it-#also. it's not fucking sexy to wanna kill your partner. a bullet between the eyes isn't an act of love.#I saw a tweet today about how m.ine actually wanted to kill k.iryu because he thought d.aigo liked k.iryu romantically#and m.ine only wants d.aigo to himself. and THAT'S why m.ine wanted to kill k.iryu.#let that sink in. 😐.#i hate how the fandom treats him SO MUCH#i will sit in my corner here. and i will kiss m#m.ine. and we will kiss a lot. and things are good. we are happy. we are far away from all of that.#I'm not saying every fan of his is horrible. I've seen a lot of great stuff and content! but holy shit I've seen some horrible stuff too#and it's hard to not feel like I'm doing something wrong by shipping with him. by loving a guy who the world has always hated.#and ofc I'm not! but still! even whenever i rb content of him here I'm always so afraid ajdhajsj#like ah yes this is the day i finally get cancelled on tumblr dot com for (checks notes) ... shipping with y.oshitaka m.ine??#I'm honestly afraid to take him up to being an official f/o ajdhajsb i think he'll stay in crush jail a little while longer..#i hate how the fandom perceives him so much!!!!!!! i also just hate the y.akuza fandom in general lmao#i do also like k.iryu so.. I've seen shit 😐#I'll delete this later but oh boy i am in a mood#and i know this isnt the first time I've blogged about this#and for that i do apologize. but i really do love this guy and despite wanting to look for content of him i always end up finding the most#infuriating shit!#i know he's done fucked up things. he's not a great guy. but! our relationship is built on mutual trust and i will NEVER write any of that#creepy obsessive shit that the stupid fandom always portrays him as doing! he's not going to kill someone for getting too close to me-#I'm just... upset- get behind me honey! I'll shield you!#and by kissing him I'm not brushing over any of the shit he does in the game. yes he beheaded that guy. yeah he slapped that orphan.#but i adore him and omg i hit tag limit... oopsie daisy lol sorry guys 😭 I'm really sorry for always talking abt this#you were beautiful 💸
3 notes
·
View notes
Note
how are you feeling today? did you make it through unscathed?
Yeah I definitely didn't 😭 I've been hella congested all day and I definitely have a cough, but it's more bc my throat is bugging me than anything. I don't think I technically have a fever, my temp's just slightly elevated from where it normally is. It's fucking miserable bc I can't breathe through my nose and the damn thing fucking hurts, and I'm kinda uncomfortable and a little achy, but other than that I'm mostly just tired and a little hazy and generally just don't feel great, so I'm not dying like my partner was lmao. But yeah, all this to say that I'm fucking pissed at him and I literally feel like a goddamn plague rat 😭😭
#not snz#i fucking hate it here#I've sneezed a few times but not much#mainly just coughing#super sniffly tho#also i did go hang out with him just so i could bitch at him lmao#also i feel fucking disgusting and i was sad being in my room#like i don't want anyone to perceive me#like i was almost never sick when i was younger and if i was no i wasn't unless it was bad#but times have changed 😔#so no more going out and doing things while being either maybe or definitely sick 😔#thank god honestly but i still don't want people to Know#like don't fucking look at me let me rot in my hole and die alone#but i didn't wanna be alone apparently like i was very sad about the thought for some reason smh#so yeah we literally just hung out in the car#lowered the seats and had blankets and pillows and shit so it was kinda chill#and he bought food from a couple different places bc it's his fucking fault and he's trying to buy my forgiveness lmao#various soups and mac and cheeses and the general concensus was that they'd probably be good if we could taste them better 😭#some of them tho the texture was just not it like even a great taste couldn't save them imo#also there's a boba place that makes hot teas also so we went there a few times#ordered in advance masks on obviously so we were only in there for like a minute just to grab everything#like we were being as careful as we could#also he's like mostly feeling better like his fever broke apparently#he still sounds fucking gross tho lmao like his voice is shot and he still has a pretty bad cough#and now I'm like fucking whatever we both have the same gross ass fucking disease so it's fine i guess#but i still kept glaring at him as a first reaction whenever he decided to be symptomatic lmao#but i wasn't pressing myself against the window trying to escape so progress lmaoooo#anyway it was a chill day i guess like we were just hanging and making sure the other person wasn't dying lmao#I'm at home now and took a hot ass shower and my eyes hurt and I'm tired so it's probably bedtime lmao
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
god how i hate dysphoria
#AAAAGH#sorry guys having a moment#gender is a bitch sometimes#like i'm largely confident in my gender but also.#why am suddenly looking at my closet every morning thinking to myself 'wow i hate how everything fits me'#i think the awareness that i'm always perceived as Woman is getting to me and idk what to do about it#because i don't want to change my style or give up makeup or anything for the sake of being perceived as a less femme woman#but also i hate being she/her-ed and called a lady SO MUCH#i forget that my microcosm of life where people don't misgender me doesn't extend to Society At Large#vent#gender dysphoria#personal
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
might fuck around and change my pronouns to he/she but only on tumblr because i can't trust people in real life to not she/her me into oblivion
#a lot of people are more comfortable using 'they' for people who use any pronouns than they are using the pronouns that actively contradict#what they perceive the person as#and frankly. it pisses me off#when i say any pronouns i mean any pronouns not just whatever category you want to put me into#because that's what these people do. they look at pronouns and they see categories#when the whole point is that the 'category' (since you're making me pick one) is All Of Them. you have to understand#and frankly i don't super resonate with like 'true' androgyny (if such a thing exists)#i'm a boy who looks like a girl#i'm not genderless and i'm not gender neutral#and while i don't Hate being they/them'ed i don't feel that i've ever resonated with it that much#like. it's fine. that's really all i can say about it#these tags could be a post in themself#gender#mine
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
My therapist asked if I dressed ironically and I had to assure him that no, I just really like florals
#he said I wear a lot of flowery clothes and ‘funny shirts’#which I mean I don’t even wear a ton of florals. just like a flowery shirt or pair of pants#but I mean… plants look nice. flowers look nice. flowers… pretty#and ‘funny shirts’??? that just hurts#I’ve only worn band shirt and dress shirts. today was a kind of cute Godzilla shirt but I’m not doing it to be ironic#I’m too old to like things ironically#just let me be cringe with sincerity#tbf I’d just told him I’d been goth in high school and I guess he thought that carried over and was me trying to get people’s attention#and I mean I guess a lot of people pick their outfits with some idea of public perception in mind#so I don’t think it’s unreasonable to imagine how others would perceive me#but I dress like a boring dad a lot of the time. not anything exciting#I swear I’m still goth inside. I promise I’m still a spooky boy. but the kind of spooky boy that wears shorts w/ the occasional polo shirt🤷🏻#oh god… I’m a sellout 😣#we were talking about how self conscious I am and how I hate possibly being viewed as this big grumpy looking dude#but whatever we’ve all got problems pppssssshawwww#and I dunno… this is too much talking for a dumb text post#whoops#you can ignore this#text
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
in my sanji era (waiting tables at my job even though that's not really what my job is supposed to be and im grumpy about it)
#i work at my school so they're like hEY WORK AT THIS DONOR DINNER AS A SERVER THE DONORS LOVE TO SEE STUDENTS SERVING THEM#like alright that's slightly degrading but ill take the money#to clarify it's not degrading to wait tables it's degrading to wait tables as an exhibition for rich people and not because it's my job#idk i feel on display but im probably overreacting lol#im just imagining them being like Oh Look barbara it's the poor people our money goes to :')) the school offers them employment how niiice#gosh am i actually a little bit of a jerk??? dhfjgjgj#i just hate doing a job where the reason isn't my skills but to get random people's attention. like stop looking at me#i don't want to be perceived#it's not a big deal but it feels uncomfy to me a little
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
hmm gender thoughts
#the people who made pronouns page have another website right#and one of the options there is you can pin your gender on a gradient that goes hypermasculine -> androgynous -> hyperfeminine#and it's like a linear gradient and i hate that SO MUCH. this is hostile architecture for Me Specifically#[disclaimer that if you find that type of thing helpful that's completely fine]#but anyway my gender is like. im a guy but not in a trans guy way#and im a girl but NOT in a cis girl way and i call myself girl in my head a lot but i am a bit Sensitive about how other people use it?#and im always thinking too hard about ''are they acknowledging my 5D chess gender or subconsciously saying it because of my appearance''#if someone called me androgynous or whatever im stabbing them though. idk that just feels so... gender neutral? and im not gender neutral#do ya feel me.#i feel a bit silly typing all this but ah this is the transgender website i think u all would understand me#im a guy like. you know the weird guy who shows up overdressed to casual events but he looks nice so its fine really#and also like. guy who always wears black and looks cool [the cool might just be in my head but thats fine]#and. i might have to think harder abt how i feel regarding Girl ™. i dont want to discard it because i do love doing my own thing with it#but also like being perceived as a cis girl (intentionally or unintentionally) makes me want to jump out of my body. lol. anyway#this is all so sucks honestly my favourite gender is just creature.#you see a thing so weird you just go '' oh god what is that'' and not gender. although i do like the flavour of it/its that is so niceys...#oh jesus uhh#long post#<- for the tags
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
why do i look so ugly when i smile :|
#IKKK THIS IS A BAD THING TO SAY WHATEVER THIS IS MY BLOG LET ME SPEAK#idk if its just because im used to seeing my resting expressionless face#whenever i see myself smiling in photos i think ewwww oh god. my eyes look wrong my mouth looks wrong there are different lines on my face#that face is not mine !!!!!! man idk#why cant i just look pretty when im happy#i dont think im ugly ugly but looking at photos other people take of me/seeing how i am perceived by others is rly doing wonders#4 my self esteem 😆👍🏼#i just hate being out of my own control i think which extends to how i look#🫀
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
I hate being looked at it. Don’t turn my way. Look elsewhere
#omg I hate it#I hate being perceived#I don’t want to be known#I don’t want people to have a single thought about me#I don’t get ppl that want attention#why do you want eyes on you like that I don’t understand#I want to be invisible#I’ve got a coworker who has a staring problem#just looking at me or watches me when I get up around the office to do something#like look away#stop it!
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
i knew this would happen i knew it
#i told my sister last night i probably wouldnt be coming into town for this arvo#and i KNEW i'd get really sad about it in the middle of the day and now look at me!!#im sitting at the table listening to the radio and i just got smacked with 'my stupid brain ruined something again'#and now i want to curl up in bed and cry#because i LIKE my sisters parties and i LIKE hanging out with people and getting a little socialising in#but i cannot stand being perceived today because only like 3 people will see me as Theo: The Little Brother#and everyone else will see 'some weird girl with a boys name'#and usually it's a fun little game i play but i can't today#and i hate that im missing out on something i've been looking forward to for months#and i hate that i was so excited a few days ago when my sister and i were talking about it#and i hate that i can't even change my mind because im the only one who still lives out of town so there's no one to drive me#captain speaks
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
fuck it im watching the (other) mermaid magical girl show
<- obsessed with magical boys and girls and merpeople
#no the OTHER other mermaid magical girl show#wait ok i just looked it up on crunchyroll holy shit there's SO MANY i didn't realize this was like fi/nal fan/tasy there's so many...#not all of them have mermaids tho. wadda hell#cruddy rambles#i know this is because as a trans dude i intentionally removed myself from feminine stuff out of fear of being perceived as a girl as a kid#you know ye olde 'i HATE pink stop FORCING pink on me' -> 'actually pink is such a nice color now that im not being forced into it'#so now that i know myself im exploring it like ''hey this stuff actually slaps AND i get to be a dude 'despite' liking it''#i can have my cake and eat it too and if you're mad about it then die mad about it bc im not changing for anyone anymore#rahhhhh rahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#and im gonna watch it while beating the fuck outta people in skyrim. very much looking forward to it actually.#update:#so i didn't realize this entire show is gonna be about putting on make-up ;-;#episode 1 was uhhhhhhhh. well... they REALLY like lipstick. im happy for them don't get me wrong but this is not for me LOL#makeup gave me serious self image issues sooo i do not feel good watching this even if the message is just 'wear it and be confident'#which like. i probably could've guessed from the name? but tbh i thought it was like... magical girl 'make-up' not LITERAL makeup#happy for everyone who likes it tho! mermaids are awesome and the characters seem great i am just getting ick-ed by the focus makeup has
5 notes
·
View notes