#I had this stupid false hope that he’d want me one day

[labradorite-princess]

I’m going to cry.

[wcnderlnds]

false hope (part two) | peter maximoff

・❥・ summary: after getting turned down by peter, you hide away and he has to grapple with his feelings ・❥・word count: 1K ・❥・warnings: none, i think. use of she/her ・❥・ authors note: soooo @jazz-berry gave me the idea for this one and i added a little extra angst to be evil. there might be a part three eventually 👀

* PART ONE *

Peter understood not seeing you the day after the whole incident but when a day turned into two then into four, that’s when he grew concerned. Usually, he saw you at least once a day but since he’d shot you down, he was certain he hadn’t seen you leave your room. He would know, too. He’d spent the days since speeding down the hallway of your room, hesitating to knock. He’d always raise his fist then second guess himself. What if you didn’t want to talk to him? What if you hated him? So, he’d always speed away and repeat the cycle the next day.

It wasn’t like he’d meant to hurt you. Peter cared about you but he didn’t like like you. He was sure of it. Not that he had any experience to go off of in the first place. Nope, he was a bonafide virgin who’d never had a girlfriend. It wasn’t without trying but he just couldn’t ever find someone that could, well, put up with him. He knew he was a handful, that much was obvious. The only person who had accepted him for everything was you and now he’d gone and screwed that up.

The days felt like there was something missing. It was weird that he couldn’t come and find you and whisk you off on some adventure or make you smile with one of his stupid jokes. Come to think about it, you really were the best part of his days. When did that happen? When had you become so important to him and how hadn’t he realised until now? It was totally just in a friendship way. At this point he wasn’t even sure he could have feelings. If it hadn’t happened for him by now, he had the feeling it never would.

Without you, he spent the days either at home playing Pac Man in his basement or talking himself up to try and talk to you (and miserably failing everytime). Peter didn’t make friends easily. He was a likeable guy but he wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea. He felt lonely without you although he wouldn’t be admitting that to anyone. Today had been a training day at the mansion so he was hanging about in hopes that you’d finally make your grand reappearance.

His headphones were around his neck, his walkman clipped to his jeans as he dashed past the common room coming to a comical halt when he saw everyone sat in there. Everyone but you.

Peter made his way into the room, jumping over the back of the couch into the free space beside Hank. He sighed dramatically but everyone kept talking between themselves, ignoring him. He just couldn’t have that. With furrowed brows, he sighed louder - and much more dramatically causing them to look at him. Finally, the attention he wanted.

“What?” Jean said.

“Soooooo, just throwing this out there, casually asking but… any of you spoke to…” Peter was cut off before he could finish.

“Yeah, I did yesterday. She’s fine,” Hank shrugged. For some reason, Peter’s insides did a little flip that he didn’t enjoy one single bit. Why would you speak to Hank of all people? He’d never even heard you talk about him before let alone know you were friends with the blue, hairy nerd.

“Great,” he said, his tone clipped, jaw tightening a little. His fingers tapped against the arm of the couch — a sure sign he was a little frustrated. Peter, the chillest guy on the planet, rarely ever got annoyed. It was the way that Hank had cut him to talk about you like he was your new best friend.

“You’re an idiot, you know?” It was Jean’s turn to chime in now. “She is…. or well, was crazy about you and you completely embarrassed her.”

“I didn’t mean to! I… didn’t want to hurt her. I would never want to. She’s my friend. I didn’t realise she liked me like that.”

“Really? It was kind of obvious, Peter. We all could see it. Kind of thought you were into her too with the way the two of you were always together,” Jean tilted her head to look at him, like she was trying. to read him. Nah, Peter was getting out of there as soon as he could. He didn’t need her poking around in his head.

“Whatever, man. It’s none of your guys’ business anyway,” Peter got to his feet with a huff. “Just tell her I’m thinkin’ about her, yeah?”

He pulled his headphones over his ears letting the music calm the nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach. As he walked out of the room, just as he was about to head off back home, he caught sight of you at the bottom of the stairs. His hands fumbled with his walkman pressing the button to turn it off, throwing his headphones back around his neck as he walked over to you.

“Hey,” he said almost nervously.

“Hi,” you spoke quietly, eyes avoiding looking at him.

“I’ve missed you.”

“Sorry. Needed some time.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Peter nodded, scuffing his shoe on the floor. “I get it. Not felt the same without you around. You good?”

“I am. Uh, I… have to go. I said I’d finally come out of my room to get dinner with Hank so….” Without another word, you walked past Peter into the room where everyone was. He turned around to watch as you wrapped your arms around Hank in a big hug. Peter felt it again — the tugging in his chest, the plummeting of his stomach. Seeing someone else’s hands on you was making him burn up from the inside, his fist clenching and unclenching at his side. It was a new feeling for him, something he’d never experienced before but he knew exactly what it was.

Jealousy.

He was jealous.

“Well, shit,” he mumbled to himself.If the feelings he was feeling right now were any indication then Jean was right. He was an idiot…. and he had feelings for you.

taglist (ask to be added or removed): @xmidnight-rain @juliamaximoff @lemoniiiiiii @jazz-berry @honeymoon8 @evanpetersbf

[frvnkcastles]

could i request one for the girls who usually never get a second glance or flirted with and are never really seen as the girlfriend/partner type or desired in any way? like the thought of someone genuinely pursuing me? like i can dream about it, that need to be loved and wanted and chosen but if it actually happened it'd be like WHY???? what's in this for you? is this a joke? i absolutely believe in loving yourself and being okay with being alone but also??? people really don't talk about the mental devastation that comes with being the "wallflower" that's never seen in a romantic sense and the walls that it creates that also sabotages any potential relationships should they actually come along so basically a reader who frankie really falls for and they're determined to push him away because they've never been in a relationship and they've created this idea in their mind that it'll never happen and they've "accepted" that they're destined to be alone though they secretly long to love and be loved in return and it's clearly eating them alive and frank is just like not on my watch

I’LL TURN MY LOVE DOWN ➵ F. CASTLE

Summary: Frank is determined to show you he likes you, even if you have a hard time believing him.

Warnings: Angst, self-esteem issues, mutual pining, language

Word count: 1.8k

Author’s note: Anon, I totally relate and sympathize with you. You deserve love and I am positive it’ll come your way some day. Sending you so many hugs <3 (Also, sorry it took me a while to write this!)

You couldn’t for the life of you figure out why Frank claimed to like you so much. It was hard to believe it came from a genuine place, but at the same time, you didn’t think Frank was the type of person to purposefully mess with innocent people’s heads — leaving you completely puzzled and confused about his intentions with you.

When you met for the first time at one of Karen’s small parties, you had instantly noticed him and how attractive he was, but you wouldn’t have even dared to dream about approaching him. Guys didn’t pay attention to you, after all. Except he did. He initiated the conversation, chatting you up about how you knew Karen and if you were the type of person to go to a lot of parties — and you honestly told him no, because it usually just included you alone in the corner.

”You bein’ serious?” he had asked, a little amused, and you had almost taken offense at the thought of him making fun you. ”Sorry, I, uh, I just have a hard time believin’ you ain’t stealin’ the show everywhere you go”, he had added with a purse of his lips, and you had immediately scanned his face for any sign that he was joking. But he seemed completely sincere, and that made you uneasy. He was flirting with you, something that no one ever did.

You kept running into each other after that. And every time, without fail, he would say something equally charming and bewildering in the hopes of making it obvious that he liked you, and you never really took the bait.

It was impossible to not feel something for him in return, though, and you found yourself thinking about him often, daydreaming even. He had gotten under your skin and you were falling for him and his stupid wit and gentleman-like manners. He was dreamy in every sense of the word, always polite and kind to you but also protective and never skipped on asking you how you were doing and if you were being safe. Even when he wasn’t trying to flirt, he was being so painfully handsome and endearing.

Still, you started to grow wary of him, resented the idea of someone giving you false hope and toying with your feelings. He had succeeded in making you fall for him, but you were convinced it was one-sided and he’d never actually feel the same way about you. And you told yourself you were okay with that. You had accepted it a long time ago, made peace with the fact that you’d be alone while all your friends would get married and start families. It was sad, and deep down you desired that same kind of love, but it was what it was and you couldn’t change that.

Eventually, Frank asked you out.

”Not sure if you’ve been pickin’ up on what I’ve been hintin’ at, but I really like you, sweetheart. It’d be my honor if you let me take you on a real date sometime, just you and me”, he explained with a goofy, shy smile on his face. His proposal got you to freeze and panic, your eyes darting over to him across the table of the diner where you had crossed paths once more.

You looked at him in disbelief, not able to believe the hopeful look in his eyes, and so you shook your head in defeat. ”I—I’m really busy. I don’t think that’s a good idea. Sorry”, you responded, rushing to get up and get out of the diner. You left him behind, tears filling your eyes as you hurried down the street. You dreamed about being asked out sometimes, especially when it came to Frank, but to hear it out loud seemed so wrong and cruel and it had to be a big joke altogether, designed to make you feel bad and painfully aware of the fact that no one had ever done so before.

You left Frank concerned, most of all. He couldn’t deny that being rejected stung a little, but he was more worried about you. He wasn’t exactly Prince Charming, he knew that, but he had seen the way you looked at him, had heard the affection in your voice during moments when you really let your guard down. And he was one hundred percent convinced you liked him, too. Yet for some reason he couldn’t decipher, you seemed so reluctant to let him in. He could understand hesitation, as he, too, had been careful about allowing himself to care for someone else after Maria, but it seemed different with you. Like you didn’t believe him when he honestly told you he liked you.

You managed to avoid him for a while after that, and Frank respected your boundaries enough to not seek you out. He kept an eye on you from a distance, having grown too attached not to protect you, but he didn’t make himself known in the shadows of the night — he just watched you from afar. But you were destined to bump into one another sooner or later.

It happened at another one of Karen’s parties, not a big gathering but enough of a crowd had shown up for you to gravitate away from Frank within the house. He had seen you, nonetheless, and the wonder of what was going on with you gnawed at his soul and being to the point where he had to bring it up with Karen.

”Hey, y’know what’s goin’ with her? I was under the impression she was kinda into me but I asked her out and she, I dunno, freaked out a lil”, he shrugged while sipping on his beer, hoping to have some clarity in the situation. He had already considered that you just didn’t want to be associated with the Punisher, that he scared you or his enemies scared you, and he couldn’t blame you for that. Still, he was secretly hoping Karen would tell him otherwise.

”I don’t know”, was her answer, though, concern on her face, as well. ”I don’t think she’s ever dated anyone. Maybe that’s why”, Karen added, not really knowing more about it. You were friends, sure, but you hadn’t exactly known how to open up to her. Hey, I feel unlovable? That was no way to go about it.

Frowning, Frank caught sight of you across the room and decided to handle the situation the only way he knew how — directly and without dancing around it. So, he trekked over to you, stealing your breath away, and he gestured for you to follow him to somewhere more quiet. You didn’t know how to get out of it, so you walked after him to the porch where the dark night was illuminated with fairy lights and the music faded into a boom in the background. There were no people around, much like Frank had hoped, but it made you nervous.

”Do you like me?” he asked, cutting to the chase, staring you down in a way that had your stomach in knots. He wasn’t menacing or threatening, but he was serious, more so than you had ever seen him, and you knew he would see right through you if you lied to him.

”Yeah, I… of course, I do”, you answered, and he sighed, shaking his head.

”Nah, I mean, do you really like me? The way that I like you? ’Cause I seriously do. I find you stunnin’, smart, kind and funny and I can’t get enough of you. I want you and I need you and it’s killin’ me to be away from you”, he raved, his feelings for you rising to the surface, and you gulped at his words. No one had ever told you anything like that before.

You hesitated, but eventually, you nodded. ”Yeah, I like you”, you admitted dejectedly, like it was something to be ashamed about, and it confused Frank so deeply.

”Then why are ya so hellbent on avoidin’ me, rejectin’ me? Listen, Christ, I know I can be real scary but I’d never hurt you, darlin’. You’re always safe with me”, he insisted, and running a hand across your face, you grew frustrated that he wasn’t getting it.

”That’s not why I rejected you!” you cried out, throwing out your hands in despair. He looked at you quietly but expectantly, waiting for you to explain further, and you realized there was no getting out of this without giving him a proper answer.

”I don’t get why you’re so persistent”, you noted, sitting down on the bench on the porch. ”I just don’t get it, Frank. No one ever pays attention to me. No one’s ever asked me out or even flirted with me. So, it’s really fucking confusing that a guy like you would do that. I don’t see why you’d want to date me. It feels like a joke. I mean, what’s in it for you?” you elaborated, a tear slipping from your eye, but you were quick to wipe it away.

Stunned, Frank sank down onto the bench next to you, his head tilted so he could look at you. ”I dunno why no one’s ever asked you out, sweetheart, but it’s their loss. I think you’re fuckin’ amazin’. No one’s really made me feel this way since my wife. But you, you just… you’re all I could ask for. You’re gorgeous. And you’re a goddamn wonderful person”, he responded, boldly placing a hand on your knee, right where the hem of your dress rested. He had been eyeing you up in it all night, his heart picking up the pace every time he’d glance at you, and he couldn’t believe no one had ever told you that before.

”It just seems hard to believe”, you shrugged, looking down at your hands. ”I’ve already accepted I’ll end up alone.”

Pained by your confession, Frank inched closer to you and pulled you into his chest, his arm curling over your shoulder. ”That’s bullshit. You deserve someone. And I ain’t sayin’ it should be me, but I’m serious about wantin’ to take you out. It’s no joke or game to me, aight? I mean it. I think you’re special”, he assured, speaking from the heart. And you really, really wanted to believe him.

”You better not break my heart”, you whispered, and chuckling, Frank kissed the top of your head.

”I swear to ya. I’ll treat you right if you’ll lemme”, he promised, and in response, you smiled.

It wasn’t going to be easy unlearn everything, but Frank was determined to slowly bring down your walls and show you that you were worthy of love — and more than that, easy to love.

[whiteteadreams]

Pink + White

Pairing: Non-Idol!Zhong Chenle x Maid Cafe Waitress!Female Reader

Preview: “Chenle, we shouldn’t.” He backed you into the kitchen island, watching your every move. “Why not?” He looked into your frantic eyes that were searching for a way out with a false sense of confusion. Chenle placed his hands on the counter at your sides, slightly behind you, caging you in.

“T-the deal?” You assumed it was obvious but as you said it, you knew it didn’t make sense and you were screwed. “I think we both know that this-” he pointed between the two of you, “-isn’t a part of the deal.” He was right. You hated him but that didn’t mean you didn’t want him.

Word Count: 15.1k

Genre: (not actual) Enemies to Lovers, smut, angst, fluff, non-Idol AU,

Warnings: Chenle is really mean, reader is quite sensitive, their sexual relations aren't a part of the deal they made, both parties' consent and enjoy what goes on, blackmailing, cleaning wounds, chemical burns and bruises are mentioned, reader works at a maid cafe (men are weird and gross.), they aren't actually enemies ig they're just stupid, mature language/cursing, not proofread at all

Smut Warnings: slight dub-con (easy to miss), maid kink obvi, degrading names (slut, bitch, messy, whore etc.), kitchen sex, use of pussy pump, oral sex (both receiving and giving), sex is interrupted at one point, squirting, slapping, praise, heavy degradation, dumbification, dom/sub themes, chenle is mean, photo taken during sex, possessiveness, ik there is more so pls let me know lol

a/n- so this sprouted from several things lol i already had the idea for one of the scenes and then the youtuber emirichu posted her video abt the maid cafe and i just wanted to go ahead and write this. i hope you all enjoy it <3 ALSO sorry it took so long to write, it's over 11k words more than i thought it was gonna be lol

Stepping into the ‘Employee’s Only’ bathroom, you made sure your appearance was perfect before clocking in for your shift. Your thigh-high socks were all the way up, only two inches below the hem of your skirt. Your frills were wrinkle free, allowing them to show their true shape. The bow that sat at the small of your back wasn’t too tight nor too loose, it was fluffed, just like it was required to be. You didn’t hate the uniform, you felt really cute in it, but it was the customers that made it dreadful. The old men that would come in just to get called “Master” always, without fail, make some comment about taking the dress off of you.

Other than them, your job was quite enjoyable, it was a pretty and chill environment, you made close friends with some of your coworkers, and the shoes that came with the uniform made everything slightly less miserable for you. Shiny, black Mary Jane heels.

Deeming your hair, makeup, and outfit good enough to start your day, you walked out of the bathroom and headed for the machine in the back of the café.

“Hey girly” Minjeong bumped your hip as she passed you. She was the first friend you had met while working at the café. And even now, she was your closest friend. Your friendship didn’t stay inside the café but the two of you spent time together constantly.

“Hi Minjeong, have we been busy so far?” She didn’t give you a verbal response, only nodding her head with wide crazed eyes. You laughed at her expression and finished punching in your numbers. The ding sounded and that signaled that your shift had begun.  

“Alrighty, one of your regulars is here so you better go wait on him.” Minjeong pointed to the man in the corner of the restaurant. Having immediately recognized him, you grumbled a bit. Sure the tips were great, but you’d have to work for him. He wasn’t just gonna give you money for looking pretty, he’d make you run back and forth with different requests for the kitchen.

“Wish me luck.” Fixing you once slouched posture, you stood up straight and walked out of the back and towards the main floor. Minjeong winked at you, bit her lip, and wolf whistled as you walked away.

You were still lightly laughing as you approached the customer who had been waiting for you. “Well, aren’t you happy to see me?” Your real laughter stopped immediately and was replaced with your “customer service” laugh, it was fake and high pitched. “Oh I’m always excited to see you, Master.” You bowed your head, looking down at your shoes while you waited for him to say something.

“I think I’ll have my usual for lunch, but I’m in the mood for something sweet.” His gaze was almost predatory. The glint of lust in his eyes that were raking your body was unwanted. “How about you and that other pretty little maid over there tell me what you would recommend.” He licked his bottom lip as he pointed at Minjeong with his head.

“Right away Master.” Bowing to him and turning on your heel, you walked over to Minjeong who was headed towards the kitchen.

You walking quicker just a tad to put you side by side to Minjeong, all while still looking graceful for the customers who could still see you. “Sup pretty little maid, the guy over there wants us to recommend something for desert.” You smirked and raised both eyebrows in a provocative way. “Ugh, is that what he called me or something?” Nodding your head and linking your arm to hers, you steered the both of you back to the man’s table.

While you were still out of the man’s earshot, you heard Minjeong let out a, “Fucking old ass perv.” You elbowed her slyly since you were in the main dining area but still let out a snort, which of course caused her to laugh as well.

“Now I have two pretty girls to assist me. Okay ladies, what would you recommend for something sweet today. Of course, I’m open to trying anything.” Ignoring his obvious advances, you pointed at the menu the dessert section and gave more in-depth descriptions of all of them.

 “Oh my fucking god.” The voice came from behind you and was in shock. Minjeong looked at you with confusion. “Do you know him?” She raised one of her eyebrows at the man behind you. “I’m sorry Mister, it appears another guest is in need of immediate service. I’ll be right with you Master.” Bowing to the man seated in front of you, he rolled his eyes but allowed you to leave.

Minjeong who was still next to you wanted to know if any drama would come out of this conversation. Turning around to face the shocked man, you were still looking at Minjeong when you started speaking to him. “Is there anything I can assist you with Sir?” As soon as you said ‘Sir’, your eyes flickered to who you were actually speaking to. Zhong Chenle, the boy you had a damn nearly decade long feud with.

Before you could show any signs of embarrassment, he started talking. In a ridiculing way, he said your full name slowly. “I never would’ve thought I’d see you working in a place like this. The fuck were you thinking?” He just kept laughing, in your place of employment. Not only was he embarrassing you, but you actually liked your job for the most part and it hurt that he was making fun of it.  

Your boss overheard the conversation and the commotion that Chenle was causing. A few well-known patrons were getting annoyed with being disturbed. You heard your name being called from behind you. “Get this boy out of here and then get back to work!” Glaring at Chenle, you took him by his elbow and pulled him out the back door.

“Why the hell are you here?” You were seething at this point. But even if you were mad, the embarrassment you felt when Chenle’s eyes raked up and down your body overtook every other emotion. He smirked when you crossed your arms and put your legs together, cowering under his gaze.

“Why am I here? Oh, I don’t know, to look at all the pretty maids. It seems like I found my favorite already.” He looked down right sleezy.

“This café is 30 minutes away from campus, there’s literally one down the street from your apartment. Why wouldn’t you just go there? I work here to insure that I don’t run into anyone I know.” By your words, he seemed to gain something, but you didn’t know why the evil look in his eyes was present.

Chenle walked around you, causing you to turn around to follow him, not wanting him to be behind you at any point. “So, what you’re saying is, you don’t want anyone to know about this.” You slowly nodded, regretting saying anything to him.

“It would suck if I told anyone about this, wouldn’t it?”

“You can’t Chenle! Please, don’t. I’ll do anything!” You gasped, pleading for your secret to stay hidden.

“Anything?” He was sly, making sure that no matter what happened, he got the most out of it. In this situation, he would either get to bask in your embarrassment or he would get you.

You thought carefully about your next words, deciding if it would be worth it.

“What would you get out of it?” He shrugged nonchalantly before running his finger along the lace trimming of your skirt. “I think we both know that I’ll get you out of it at some point. However, you can just clean my apartment until then.”

Cleaning with the possibility of sex. You hated Chenle and he hated you, sex would never happen. However, cleaning didn’t seem so bad. It wasn’t as bad as everyone on campus knowing you worked at a maid café.

“Alright, sure.” You rolled your eyes at him, but you still couldn’t shake the feeling in your gut. You didn’t know what that feeling was, but you figured you’d find out eventually.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your feet felt heavy as they dragged you to Chenle’s front door. You wish they were truly as heavy as they felt so you wouldn’t be able to make it to the door. But still, no matter how much you wished your feet would somehow get cemented to the floor, you arrived in front of the wooden door.

Raising your fist to knock, you wondered if this was even worth it. Would it really be terrible if everyone knew about your job? Even the thought of people knowing made your skin crawl, so you went through with the plan and tapped your knuckles on the door.

Hearing a “One minute!” allowed you a bit of time to give yourself a breather and of course, Chenle being Chenle, that minute, turned into a few.

The door swung open once you decided to pull out your phone. Chenle, looking like he had just rolled out of bed, leaned against the frame. His eyes went from your trench coat to your sock covered legs, and down to your heels. His eyes never once reached our face until it was to question your appearance.

“Where’s the maid dress I requested? That was a crucial part of the deal.” Rolling your eyes, you grabbed the belt of the coat and pulled it loose, allowing the front to fall to the sides, baring your outfit to him.

“Ah, there we go. Such a good pretty maid. My pretty maid.” There must be something in the air, because no way in hell did Zhong Chenle’s words make you clench your thighs. Maybe it was the way he was looking at you with those sleepy eyes and smiling at you with that tired smile. Whatever it was, you hated it, but at the same time, you wanted it.

You wanted more.

More of him.

However, you needed to ignore the feelings and just get on with the deal you made. “Alright, what do you want me to clean first?” Smiling, he stepped aside, but not enough for you not to touch. Your side brushed his and he didn’t move until you were all the way in the large apartment.

“Well, you’re gonna clean something I hate cleaning.” It’s going to be his bathroom; you just know it.

Chenle led you through his penthouse sized apartment and said nothing. Walking through the living room that connected to the kitchen and following him down the hallway, he stopped in front of the 4th room on the left.

“Here’s where the porcelain throne stands.” The bathroom. Of course it was going to be the fucking bathroom.

You stepped into the bathroom that was easily bigger than your entire bedroom. Chenle on the other hand bent down and opened the cabinets underneath the sink. “So I don’t know if you’re allergic to any of these products, so I bought you these gloves. The chemical in the orange bottle makes my hands red so, be careful with that one.” You watched as he placed everything on top of the vanity.

Chenle stood back up and handed you the pale pink rubber gloves. “I wanted them to match your outfit.” You grimaced when you looked around the bathroom. For being so rich, the stereotypical housekeeper was nowhere to be seen.

“That’s why I have you.” Your body was facing the mirror and when you looked up to see the voice, Chenle’s mouth was against your ear. Apparently, you had said that out loud. “You’re my pretty little maid. We made a deal and I’m gonna use you in any way I want until you either back out or I’ve had enough.”

He gave your ear an open-mouthed kiss, lightly slapped your thigh where your skin showed and left.

We made a deal and I’m gonna use you in any way I want until you either back out or I’ve had enough.

He wants to sleep with you. Or that’s what he made it seem like.

Not knowing where to start, you decided on cleaning the floor last, just so if anything dripped onto it, you wouldn’t have to clean it twice. 

You were immediately thankful for your thinking since as soon as you picked up one of the spray bottles, it leaked onto the floor once you spritzed onto the washcloth.

Rolling your eyes to yourself, you went ahead and put on the gloves just in case anything else leaked unexpectedly. The gloves were your size which was helpful, you wouldn’t have to worry about the glove sliding down while you were cleaning.

Pulling the gloves on your hands and up to the middle of your forearms, you closed your eyes and randomly picked another bottle. Letting fate decide which disgusting bathroom appliance of Chenle’s you’d have to clean first.

Opening your eyes, bottle in hand, you read the description. You kneeled down by the edge of the bathtub, leaned against the side and started spraying around the tub.

You didn’t mind cleaning, you felt as if it was oddly therapeutic. Spraying the liquid, wiping it away, and watching all the gunk disappear. It was easy to let your mind slip and wander as the hypnotic sight played out in front of you.

The bathtub, toilet, mirrors, sink, and vanities were all clean after about 45 minutes. Your mind wandering definitely caused you to move a bit slower than normal but at least it went by fast. Reaching for more floor cleaner, Chenle walked into the room and just stood there. Stood there and watched you clean.

Tired of his watchful eyes, you abruptly stopped and slapped your covered thighs in annoyance. “Can I help you?” He leaned against the doorway with his arms crossed and a stupid smirk plastered onto his face. He shook his head and continued to watch. “Then why are you looking at me?” You refused to clean one more tile until you knew why he was standing there.

“Am I not allowed to look at my maid? She’s really pretty, it’s hard not to stare when I’ve got her kneeling on the floor for me.” Rolling your eyes at him, you reached for the bottle with the goal of ignoring him. “And now I’ve got her rolling her eyes back!” No matter how annoying he was at this moment, you laughed at him and threw the rag you were using to clean the floor with at him.

“Oh my god, fuck off man.” He caught the flying rag that was headed towards his face and grinned. “Nah I just wanted to tell you that I’ve got sandwiches on the table for lunch.” Chenle reached his hand out to you and shook it lightly, telling you to grab it. Placing your hand in the warmth of his, he helped you off the floor and led you to the kitchen. Your head hurt from the intense smell of his expensive cologne, the feeling of his hand still holding yours, and the thought of him making sandwiches himself, for you.

Pulling away from him to pour yourself some lemonade, with a shaking hand you picked it up by the handle and used the spout of the pitcher to ensure that nothing spilled out. Watching the pale-yellow drink pour into the cup, you listened to Chenle behind you. The crinkle sound the bag of chips made solved the mystery of where he was standing.

When your cup was full you placed the glass pitcher back down on the counter, the soft clink letting you know it was secure. Turning around to sit down at the table, you didn’t know that Chenle had also moved but he was now right behind you. Your chests collided, causing you to spill the lemonade on yourself and Chenle.

“I’m so sorry, it was an accident!” You could hear the drink drip on the floor but all you were concerned about was the stain that was surely going to be on his shirt in a few minutes. The stark white behind the yellow worried you. “Take off your shirt, let me spray it and go throw it in the washer.” His silence scared you more than the stain. He hadn’t said anything but when you looked up at him with wide eyes, he was just smiling while watching you panic.

“Haven’t even been here for an hour and you already wanna rip my clothes off.” He tsked in a mocking way but nonetheless he took off his shirt. When you reached for the shirt, he threw it behind him but stepped closer to you.

His face was so close to yours and quite frankly, you didn’t know what to do. You knew what you wanted to do, but that was a whole different thing.

“Chenle, we shouldn’t.” He backed you into the kitchen island, watching your every move. “Why not?” He looked into your frantic eyes that were searching for a way out. Chenle placed his hands on the counter at your sides, slightly behind you, caging you in.

“T-the deal?” You assumed it was obvious but as you said it, you knew it didn’t make sense and you were screwed. “I think we both know that this-” he pointed between the two of you, “-isn’t a part of the deal.” He was right. You hated him but that didn’t mean you didn’t want him.

He took another step closer to you, the space that was once between you was now gone. “All you gotta do is tell me to stop. I will stop, immediately.” As his lips moved, they brushed against yours.

“Push me away and I’ll stop this. You can go back to cleaning.” You would’ve laughed at him if you weren’t starting to get wet. The thought of Chenle doing whatever sick things he wanted to do to you took over your common sense and hatred.

You stood up on your toes, teasing his lips with yours before pressing them together.

Instead of laughing at you and cracking some perverted joke, Chenle caressed your uniformed sides. Continuing to kiss you, he leaned back, allowing you to put your full weight on him. His chest was much firmer than you originally thought. Under the baggy clothes he wore was a muscular, sculpted body. As much as you enjoyed feeling him, you wanted to see him.

“Chenle-” The name that whispered out was one you never would’ve thought you’d say in this way. He didn’t say anything back, but he knew exactly what you wanted. Chenle grazed the exposed skin between your thigh highs and the hem of your skirt. Those gentle touches turn rough as he picked you up by the back of your thighs. He held you close and just looked at you a bit when the movement broke the kiss.

The expression that painted his face could only be explained by confusion. He was internally battling with himself over the situation, much like yourself. The years of fighting and insults and tears were ignored by your lower halves, which were begging for something, anything.

Still without exchanging any words, Chenle turned around so he could see where you were headed, and you couldn’t. While he took you to whichever room in his apartment he wanted, you set yourself a personal goal of marking him. You placed both wet and sucking open-mouthed kisses along the column of his pale neck. His steps faltered a tad when you assumed you found his sweet spot. You didn’t hold back there, sucking the skin hard enough to leave an immediate red mark.

Chenle’s breath was heavy now, more than before. He feared that you had control over him, but whether it was because of the deal or the feeling in your bodies, it was the opposite. Feeling so wrapped up in your own world of bruising his neck, you didn’t realize how far he had walked.

You gasped as your back hit the bed and then giggled once you bounced. Chenle was standing at the foot of the bed, looming over your flushed figure. You went to make eye contact with him only to see that his eyes weren’t on yours. His were so clearly focused on your thighs. Your skirt was pushed up from your impact on the bed and your thighs were pressed against each other. While seeing that he wasn’t looking at you did make your heart ache a bit, but you quickly decided to use it to your advantage.

While still watching him, you slowly parted your thighs are raised your skirt even more. This allowed him to see your white panties that now had a very visible wet spot from your arousal.

“My pretty maid has such a pretty pussy.”  

“You haven’t even seen it yet.”

“That’s right, maybe you should take off your panties. Please let me see you.”

His voice had a whiny edge to it. Desperation laced it and it caused you to give in. Using your heels, you lifted your hips off the bed and hooked your fingers in the waistband of your panties and slipped them down your legs. They were still hanging off of one of your ankles, so you lifted your leg and brought the panties towards his face.

“My maid is a little tease too.” Chenle grabbed the panties from your ankle and brought them up to his nose. As the smell of your arousal entered his nostrils, his eyes rolled back, and a red tint covered his face.

Crawling on the bed towards your head, he planted kisses along your clothed body, letting out boyish giggles when he felt you twitch from it tickling. When his face was hovering over yours, you pulled him down by the back of his neck and smashed your lips together.

His tongue licked across the seam of your lips, pleading for entry, and who were you to deny him. Chenle’s smile was so obvious that you could feel it in the smile. You lifted your legs and wrapped them around his slim waist, keeping him as close as possible to you.

You tilted your head a bit, trying to get his lips on yours even more, if that was even possible. He matched movements, seemingly trying to do the same. Moans and laughs were the only things heard throughout the room, until a ringing sounded.

“Fuck! My fucking phone.” Chenle grumbled, several apologies and quick kisses were landed along your body as he picked himself up and grabbed the ringing phone that was on the nightstand.

“I’m” kiss “so” kiss “fucking” kiss “sorry”. You laughed at him and nodded, letting him up by releasing your legs’ grip on him. Chenle rolled his eyes, mimicked his father’s voice but nonetheless answered the phone before the ringing stopped.

Immediately the conversation turned serious, and he stepped out of the room. As soon as his figure disappeared into the hallway, the feeling of lust and lightheadedness left your body and shame took over. What the hell was that.

Your body was cold now, no longer embraced by the heat of Chenle’s body pressed against yours. But the cold sweat and the dry throat was enough to force you out of bed and towards the bathroom. Walking on your tippytoes to prevent any noise, you made your way to the bathroom.

Closing the door slowly, making sure the door didn’t creak, you splashed cold water on your face and cupped water in your hands and brought them up to your lips.

The cold water running down your throat soothed you, but still not as much as you needed it to. You almost had sex with Chenle. You liked it. And you were upset that you were interrupted.

Looking in the mirror, laughing at yourself, you shook your head and opened the door. Jumping a bit at the sight of Chenle leaning on the wall next to it, he was still on the phone.

He was slouching and opening and closing his mouth in a mocking sense of his father. He smiled at the giggle you let out. Chenle’s smile faded though, his expression turning solemn again. He looked at you and you looked at him, both of you silently agreeing that it was your time to leave.

With one last glance, you made your way out, but you could still feel his eyes following you, watching you leave. You had to stay strong and resist the urge to look behind you. Although difficult, you succeeded. It was difficult to understand what you were feeling, you hated him, and he hated you, but you wanted him, and he wanted you. You didn’t have to like someone to be attracted to them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As soon as you knocked on the door, Chenle opened it and pulled you in with your wrist. “Chenle, wha-” He interrupted you by kissing your mouth, not even giving you time to react before he started talking. “I just need you, I wanna try something new that I saw.” Every type of kink was flying through your mind, or at least the ones you haven’t tried yet. “Are you okay with this?”

“Yeah, what is it though?” Chenle walked you to the master bedroom, him leading you from behind. Every time he tightened his grip on your waist, you clenched your thighs, wondering what he had planned.

“I bought you some more maid dresses, some like your uniform and others, not so much. I just didn’t want you to ruin your uniform.” He opened the armoire that hadn’t been there the last time you were there. The opened doors revealed several different dresses from pink to black and others that weren’t traditional collars. They ranged from different styles and materials, but they all had one thing in common, they were obviously expensive. With the dresses hanging from a rod at the top, there was about a half of foot of space from the dresses to the bottom of the section of the armoire.

Before you said anything about what you saw, Chenle spoke up. “I know how much you like the Mary Jane heels, so I bought you a bunch of different kinds and you can keep all of them even after the deal.” You turned around to face him and smiled.

“I can’t believe this, thank you so much!” You walked over to him; heels clicking on the hard wood floors and kissed his cheek. “That isn’t all.” His words trailed on, he refused to look at you, and he scratched the back of his neck. But the thing that made you giggle was the blush that spread across his entire face.

This Chenle was different, he was more vulnerable which allowed you to relax a bit even with the sexual undertone. “The drawers.” He pointed to the four drawers that were built in, under the doors of the armoire.

Raising one of your eyebrows, you walked backwards still keeping an eye on Chenle who still refused to look at you. Turning around and kneeling, you opened the first drawer, the top one on the left. As soon as everything inside was in your view, you heard Chenle make a slapping noise.

When you looked behind you, over your shoulder, he was covering his eyes with his right hand. Looking back at the drawer, you felt the fabric of the several sets of lingerie. Some were classier, babydoll styles with sheer fabric to cover the skin and others were blatantly sexy, garter belts, hooks and rings, matched with crotchless panties.

“Oh my god Chenle, what a fucking freak.” Your voice was laced with tease, making sure Chenle knew that you weren’t truly making fun of him. His ears were now burning red, and you were worried that he’d start crying soon.

Opening the drawer next to the one you were in now; you saw even more sets of lingerie. You coughed at the thought of the price of all of them. “Okay, okay, I thought you’d look pretty in them, so I bought them, move on.” Laughing at Chenle’s pleading groan, you smiled but complied. Closing the drawers and moving on to the bottom ones.

You decided to just open them both at the same time, ripping it off like a Band-Aid. “Chenle-” Gasping at the sight that was in front of you. You didn’t think you’ve ever seen this many different sex toys in one place. Dildos, vibrators, gags, collars, leases, floggers, candles, and that wasn’t even it. There were things that you didn’t even know what they were.

“Are these for me too?” Your eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. You never would’ve thought that Chenle would spend this much money on you. You closed the drawers, got up, and approached Chenle who was still seated at the foot of his bed.

You pushed his chest back, causing his back to hit the bed. With him now lying flat, you climbed on top of him, straddling him. “What kind of shit do you want to do to me? Huh?” You laid your chest on his, your breasts pressing against him now.

His hands enclosed around your hips and pulled you closer to his face. “I wanna make you cry and beg.” Biting your lip at his words, you got up off of him and looked at your new collection of dresses. “You got me all worked up, what do you wanna do first?”

You looked through all the toys in the drawers, looking at all the ones you weren’t familiar with. “This dress, these heels, and this toy.” Chenle threw the dress behind him at the bed and picked up the heels and the toy that kind of resembled an oxygen mask.

“What even is that?” You followed Chenle to the bed and tried to figure out what exactly was the thing he was holding. “It’s a pussy pump. It’s gonna make that tiny pussy all swollen and sensitive for me.” Oh.

“I’ll leave you to put on the dress, just call me in when you’re ready.” He kissed your head and walked out, leaving you alone with yourself.

You kicked off your heels after unbuckling them. It took a few tries to reach the zipper behind you but after you got it and pulled down, the dress pooled at your feet.

“Do you want me to leave my bra and panties on?” Chenle didn’t pick out a set, so you weren’t sure of what he wanted. “No, just the dress and heels.”

Unhooking your bra and pulling down your panties, you picked up the dress and just looked at it a bit. You hadn’t gotten to see it when he pulled it out of the closet. It was a pink frilly one, really short too. Looking over at the pussy pump that Chenle picked out, you thought about what it would do to you. You knew that it would basically do from what he had said but Chenle didn’t say what it would actually do.

Deciding to just wait for Chenle to help you through it, you pulled the dress over your head. There wasn’t a zipper, the hem that held the bust up was just elastic, so it fitted.

The way you looked at yourself in the mirror and assessed the way you looked reminded you of how you would prepare for a shift. You felt pretty in frills at work, and you felt pretty right now, standing in Chenle’s penthouse bedroom in a pink dress that he bought for you. ‘

From the way your hair sat to the way your socks were tugged up, you made sure you looked pretty with Chenle in mind.

“I’m all done!” You called out and waited for Chenle to walk back in. Calming your breathing to make sure you could hear Chenle’s footsteps didn’t help, because they never came. The door immediately opened with Chenle walking in.

“Were you just waiting right out the door?” You made eye contact with him through the mirror. Even though you expected a verbal answer to your question, you received something else. A compliment.

“You look so pretty. My pretty maid. My pretty girl.” He walked up behind you, still holding eye contact and wrapped his arms around your waist. You liked the weight of his arms on your hips, and he liked the way it felt to have your skin touching his. When you turned your head to look at him directly, your noses lightly knocked against each other from close proximity.

Chenle squeezed your hips and started walking you backwards, leaving wet kisses on your neck until the back of his knees hit his bed. He sat down and just pulled you down with him. Both of you were still facing the mirror. “I want you to watch yourself during this. Since we’re bringing in new and more intense things into the bedroom, what do you want you safe word to be. I don’t want you to feel like you don’t have any control.”

With how short the dress was, being spread out on Chenle’s lap bared everything to your eyes. Your knees were hooked over his and since his legs were spread, so were yours. The obscene sight was the only thing you could pay attention do. The warm lighting made the both of you glow, and with Chenle’s sincere look, you relaxed in his hold and allowed yourself to slouch against him.

“I get that you’re really pretty, but this is important. I’m gonna need you to answer me if you wanna start.” He spoke quietly against your ear and looked at you through the mirror since it was the only thing you were paying attention to you.

“Look at me.” Through the mirror, your eyes connected. “No, look at me.” Sucking in a breath, you turned your head to look at Chenle. “So, what do you want your safe word to be?” His fingers lightly brushed your thighs, drawing shapes along your smooth skin.

Giggling, you thought about a word that was a bit silly and on theme. “How about Windex?” Chenle’s normal obnoxious laugh was dialed down for the serious conversation. “I mean, if that’s what you want it to be, I’m happy with it. However, I hope to never put you in a situation where you need to use it.” Your giggling died down and you smiled softly at Chenle, you wanted to live in the sweet moment, but with Chenle’s half hard cock sitting against your ass, your pussy spread out, and the pussy pump next to you, you needed him to do something.

“Alright, it feels like you’re getting needy with all your squirming, let’s get you wet.”

Chenle started with just looking at you through the mirror, at your pussy specifically. “Chenle, just hurry. Please.” He laughed at you and brought his hands from your thighs to your naval. He rubbed the junction of your thighs and naval, inching closer and closer to that place you needed him the most.

With one last whimper from you, Chenle gave in to what you wanted. He ran two fingers through your wet lips. He circled around your hole that was clenching around nothing, but he still didn’t fuck you yet.

“How are you so fucking wet already?” It was a rhetorical question. He knew the answer and so did you. It was because of him.

One of his hands disappeared from your cunt and picked up something from your side. The pussy pump.

He kissed the back of your neck and placed the chamber on your pussy after removing his other hand, now using it to hold the pump.

In his left hand he held the chamber to you and with his right was the pump. He gave the hand pump an experimental pump to see if it would stay. Like a vacuum, it gave your pussy a suctioned feel. It wasn’t like what you’ve seen with a penis pump. It didn’t blow air into you, instead it sucked it.

Giving it a few more pumps, Chenle watched and listened to you. Whining at the new feeling, you looked at yourself. “Chenle, it feels really weird.” He chuckled lowly in your ear and instead of saying something he just pumped it again and again.

You watched what it was doing to you through the mirror. “Oh my god, Chenle!” He didn’t give you a break during it, he pumped it, listened to your noises and then continued with his ministrations.

Tears formed in your eyes at the feeling.

You didn’t think that Chenle could possibly pump it again as the chamber was impossibly tight around your cunt, but he was able to prove you wrong.

It wasn’t your pleas or begs that persuaded him to stop. It was his own impatience. He flicked the valve and released the suction. The blood flow returned to your cunt and your clit throbbed, already so sensitive and Chenle himself has barely touched you.

The chamber fell from no longer being supported and you gasped at the sight. He wasn’t joking when he said it would cause your pussy to be swollen and you didn’t know how long it would last like that. You didn’t even move, scared to feel it.

“Oh my god, fucking look at it.” Chenle flicked your clit that had easily grown twice its original size. You screamed at the feeling, it felt as if he had already been touching you, for the whole day possibly. “How long is this gonna last?” Your thighs jumped when he ran three fingers through your folds. Playing with the swollen flesh and wetness, he thought out loud. “Imagine you stayed like this forever, ruined for anyone to ever come after me. Proof that you let me do these things to you. Think about what people would think if they saw you like this. Fucking whore.”

He slapped, pinched, and stuffed your pussy, forcing you to let out gasps, moans, and screams. It wasn’t until you felt his cock prod at your dripping hole. You had felt him get his cock out of his sweats, but you thought he was going to give you a minute before he fucked you.

“Wait, Chenle, just give me a moment.” He complied but still asked, “Do you want to use your safe word?” Shaking your head, you leaned back against Chenle, starting to take a breather. It quickly came to an end though when his hands tightened around your waist, picked you up, and placed you on the ground.

“While you wait, you’re gonna clean.” He smiled and threw you one of the old towels that he used to clean. You stared at him in disbelief, jaw dropping once you saw him scoot back on the bed, back against the headboard.

“What? You want to wait, but we might as well be productive during it. And get your tits out.” The stark difference of Chenle’s attitude towards you was something you were ashamed to admit that it made you wet.

Still listening to him though, you pulled the bust of your dress down and let the elastic snap under your breasts.

You got up from your spot on the floor to go grab the floor cleaner. When you walked your pussy clenched from sensitivity. “The floor isn’t gonna clean itself and at this point you’re just gonna have more to clean with the way your dripping all over it.” When you were standing over your original spot on the floor, about to kneel down you noticed that there were small droplets from you. Chenle just laughed when you looked down, not being able to hold eye contact with him.

Deciding to go ahead and start cleaning, you sprayed some of the floor cleaner on the rag and started to scrub the floor. “My pretty little mindless doll.” His voice was gentle with a hint of being condescending. Every time you would scrub the floor a bit harder your breasts would bounce and Chenle would palm his aching cock with more pressure.

Even though you had only been on the ground for a few minutes, you needed him to do something. You didn’t want to wait any longer. You needed to be fucked. “Chenle, please. Do something, anything.” His smile turned devious and soon after, you felt the flash and heard the click of a polaroid camera.

Chenle waited for the film to develop before he approached you. Crouching down to your level, he placed the humiliating photo in your line of sight. “Who’s is that?”

When you were about to say it was you, you realized that he said, ‘who’s is that’ not ‘who is that’. “Yours.” Smiling and placing the photo in his phone case, he helped you off the floor.

“Even though you’re a slut who doesn’t deserve to be fucked on a bed, you can rest your knees just since I’m nice.” His grip on your upper arm helped him throw you onto the bed. Your skirt lifted in the process and showed Chenle the curve of your ass.

“Spread your legs. Now.”

Laying on your stomach, you did what you were told. Chenle stood behind you, watching you listen to him. “Such a good little maid. My little slut.” Chenle ran his palm over the smooth skin of your ass before landing a harsh slap on it. He felt his dick twitch at the sight of the muscle jiggling at the impact.

“I need to be in you, need to cum inside that sweet pussy.” Climbing on the bed, knees on either side of your hips, Chenle pulled your ass a part as far as your would stretch before slamming inside your dripping hole.

“Fuck! Chenle! Feel so, so good.” Your eyes rolled back at the feeling of his cock dragging against your gummy walls.

With every thrust in your cunt, you could feel Chenle’s balls slap against your thighs, and every now and then you felt a slap against your ass.

“Yeah, this is what you were made for huh, just a hole for me to dump my cum into. But don’t worry slut, you’re the best whore there is, so willing to take everything I give you.” To emphasize his point, Chenle ran his finger through your swollen folds and flicked your puffy clit, reminding you of what you allowed him to do to your body.

Never once slowing his pace, Chenle tightened his grip on your hips and pulled your ass up off the bed, so he’d have better access to your clit. With the new position, your weight was being held up by your knees and chest, but with the angle of your body, your face was smashed into the mattress, muffling every noise that came out of your mouth. 

Your pussy throbbed, needing to release already. With the pussy pump, it felt like Chenle had already had his way with you, several times. The feeling of his fingers flicking and pinching your clit plus the head of his cock kissing the spot deep inside you was making you feel overstimulated, even though you haven’t even cum yet.

“Chenle, please, please, let me cum. I need it.” Rolling the bud between his pointer finger and thump, Chenle added pressure, squeezing it. “Yeah, go ahead, but just because you’re cumming so quick doesn’t mean we’re stopping any time soon.”

Deciding that Chenle’s trade wasn’t a now issue, you agreed foolishly. The need to cum was the only thing on your mind and once Chenle gave you permission, you let go. However, you didn’t think you would cum as much as you did.

Screaming into the blankets, you soaked Chenle’s waist and torso, squirting harder and harder as Chenle kept going. “My messy little baby, I told you, I’m not done playing with you yet. But that little pussy controls you huh, you just couldn’t help it!” Chenle laughed at you, mockingly.

“The only thing in that empty little head is thought of cumming on my dick.” Chenle fisted your hair from the back and forced your head to nod up and down into the blanket. “Wow, you’re already so cock drunk that you can’t even make your own decisions. Don’t worry though baby, I’m here so you don’t have to worry about thinking, I’ll do everything for you.”

Every single word that left Chenle’s lips were spoken in a sickeningly sweet tone that was so obviously fake. His words affected you heavily and that didn’t go unnoticed by him.

“Ah, little slut likes being talked down to! M’not sure why I’m surprised, I bet you’ve always wanted this, me using you, belittling you. Because that’s what sluts like you want.”

Once again, he forced you to nod, but it wasn’t like you disagreed.

“Come on pretty baby, lemme see you. Let me see what you look like while I ruin you.” Without taking his dick out, Chenle rolled you over and onto your back.

With each thrust Chenle watched your tits, occasionally reaching out and slapping the soft mounds. He could feel your walls clench around his pistoling cock. He didn’t want to admit it, but he knew he wasn’t going to last much longer. The feeling of your walls, the outline of his dick in your lower stomach, and the look on your face, he knew he was about to cum, and he wasn’t going to pull out to do it.

“You wanna cum?” You nodded, eyes rolled back, and jaw hung open, you were ready. Chenle’s pace sped up and each time he hit your g-spot, forcing you closer and closer to the edge.

Finally, with one last strong thrust from him, the knot in your stomach unraveled. Squeezing his dick impossibly tight, he came as well.

White heat ran through your veins, your vision had gone white, and you held on to Chenle’s shoulders since you needed literally anything to hold on to. You needed something to ground you. Chenle continued to roll his hips, riding out your highs and then some so you weren’t forced into a sudden stop.

“Chenle~”, you whined, wanting him closer to your shaking body. He understood and lowered himself onto you without crushing you under his weight. He signed into your neck, breathing you in and out. You did the same to him, hiding from the world, protected by his warmth.  

The two of you stayed in that position for a while. It wasn’t until Chenle could feel your wetness dry on his skin before he slowly pulled out and coxed you to use the bathroom.

Although moving was the last thing you wanted, you still allowed him to scoop you up, but not without whining of course.

Chenle placed your feet on the ground and made sure that you were steady before he helped you out of your dress. Your heels were long gone, somewhere discarded on the floor, but they weren’t anywhere in your mind at the moment.

He stepped out of the bathroom, telling you to use the bathroom so you wouldn’t get a UTI. You listened but called him back in once you were done and washed up.

“Let’s take a shower, get you all clean.” He smiled at you and helped you into the walk-in shower.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Clocking out of your shift, you walked into the dark night. You were so happy that they put more streetlights in the parking lot, you and Minjeong both agreed that you felt so much safer now with the illuminated area. However, no matter how many lights they installed, with how much rain was pouring from the sky, you couldn’t see anything. And to make matters even worse, you didn’t even have an umbrella.

“Fuck, fuck, FUCK!” Your heels splashed in the puddles as you dug in your purse for your car keys. Of course, right now was the time that your keys fell to the bottom of your purse, and you actually had to stop outside your car and dig around. The rain was stingingly painful. It was freezing cold and felt like little needles pricking your skin.

Your hand brushed metal that jingled in your purse. Almost ripping the keys out, you clicked unlock and as soon as you heard your doors click you ripped the door open and threw yourself in the seat.

Shivering in your seat, your body was even colder now that you were out of the rain. Your dress had gone see through and it was sticking to your body. Turning on the car and immediately cranking the heat to the warmest setting and so it would come out the fastest.

Not eve waiting for your car to warm up, you put the car in drive and pulled out of your parking spot and out of the lot. The shivering didn’t stop or even slow until you had been driving for several minutes but then you were almost at your apartment.

“Shit, shit, shit.” Your parking in your designated parking spot outside the complex was definitely not good to say the least. The passenger side of the car was on the line and even then, you were crooked within the lines. But you didn’t care, you had gone over the speed limit the entire drive there and you weren’t about to take extra minutes in the rain to fix it.

Making sure you had everything together, you cracked the door open, made sure all the doors were locked, and then made a run for the awning. Once again, you were colder after you were no longer in the rain, and you could barely hear yourself panting over the loud pitter padders of the rain above you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You sniffled, sucking the snot back into your nose. Your head was throbbing, and it hurt to swallow. But nevertheless, you were walking out of the elevator once it arrived at Chenle’s floor. The thought of texting Chenle to say that you were sick crossed your mind, but you decided against it. Your past self would kill you if the thought of enjoying Chenle’s company, his cock, crossed your mind.

Clearing your throat and sniffling once more, you knocked on his door. You liked spending time with Chenle and based on him always answering the door immediately, you thought the feeling was returned.

“Hey, oh my god, are you okay?” So much for the bit of extra makeup to try and put the life back into your face. “I’m fine! Now, let me in.” Chenle moved to let you in, but he didn’t believe your words in the slightest. “You’re obviously sick, when did you start feeling this way? I saw you two days ago, and you were okay.”

“I got stuck in the rain last night for a bit after my shift, but I promise, I’m okay! What do you want me to clean first?” His eyes were wide with concern as he watched you shrug off your jacket and headed to the cabinet where he held the cleaning supplies.

Stepping in your way, he placed his hands on your shoulders. “Woah, woah, woah. You’re not gonna clean anything right now. But what you are going to do is go put on some more comfortable clothes and lay down.” You were confused why Chenle wasn’t just making you leave, but your screaming joints and muscles were louder than your worries. On shaking feet, you walked towards Chenle’s room, his closet specifically.

Not daring to even touch the designer sweatpants and baggy shirts, you looked for the brand that was the cheapest. Nike. His cheapest brand was Nike and even then, the pants and shirts were the most expensive of them. Kicking off your heels and taking off the long socks, you unzipped your dress and stepped out of it. Just in your bra and panties, you took Chenle’s clothes off their respective hangers and tugged the pants up your legs and the shirt over your head.

The floors were cold under your feet, from the hardwood in his bedroom and to the marble of the kitchen, it all caused a chill to run down your spine. It was either that, the fact that you were sick, or because of the domestic nature of wearing Chenle’s clothes.

“Do you feel any better?” The loose clothes felt better on your warm skin than your dress did, and you let Chenle know that. “I’m glad.” He kissed the side of your head as he rounded the kitchen island to retrieve his phone which was on the other side. “What do you want to eat? Hopefully having some solid food in your stomach will make you feel better.” You just nodded and tangled your fingers together, thinking about what sounded good.

“If you want soup there’s a place with a really good French onion down the street. But if-” he scrolled on his phone as he spoke out options until you interrupted him. “French onion sounds good.” You smiled at him. Even though you were smiling at him on the inside, you were frowning at yourself on the inside, mad that you were allowing yourself to feel comfortable around him so quickly.

“It’s really good, don’t worry.” He somehow could see your worry. The corners of your lips turned upwards at the sight of him dialing the number of the restaurant and placing your order. You wanted him to come closer, to wrap you up in his arms, cornering you, making you feel safe. You hated the feeling, but at the same time, you wanted nothing more.

“Chenle-” You finished just as quickly as you had started. He looked up from his phone, eyes boring into yours, watching you so intently that you thought that if you moved, he’d look away. You felt frozen as he looked at you, waiting for you to finish what you were saying. The words disappeared somewhere in the space between you two, lost in the chilled air.

He had no use for his phone anymore, so he placed it back on the white marble countertop and walked over to you. Even though his body moved, his eyes stayed still, continuing to hold your gaze. Once you could feel the heat radiating off his body and onto yours, you looked away, no longer able to hold eye contact. He said your name just like you had said his, quietly, slowly, longingly.

Looking back up at him, your lips ghosted the other’s. Not even a centimeter apart. The air you breathed out was the air he breathed in, and vice versa. Your noses brushed the other’s as you interlocked lips.

When you went to lace your hands in his hair, you felt the familiar tickle in your nose. Knowing immediately what was to come, you pushed Chenle away, turned, brought your elbow up to your face, and sneezed.

Chenle laughed as you wiped your nose. He tugged your closer to him and hugged you, your back to his chest. “Sorry for pushing you away, I didn’t want to sneeze on you.” Sniffling and giggling, you looked at him and smiled. “I appreciate that.” His smile gave you chills. It was so genuine; you didn’t know what to do with yourself.

You just wanted to stare at him, but your body had other plans. That first sneeze wasn’t the last. You broke free from Chenle’s arms and sneezed again, three times in a row. Your head was throbbing at this point and the sneezing didn’t help whatsoever.

Chenle noticed the sway in your stand. The dazed look in your glossed over eyes told him that you needed to lie down. “Alrighty baby, it’s time to lay you down.” He wrapped his left arm around your waist and put your weight onto him.

Baby. He called you baby.

Chenle walked you to his room, slowly, making sure that you wouldn’t fall. “My head hurts Lele.”

If your eyes weren’t almost swollen shut, you would’ve seen the blush that covered his entire face. All the way to his ears and down his neck.

Lele. You called him Lele.

“I know, we’ll lay down and hopefully it’ll be gone when you wake up.” Chenle helped you lay down. He whispered that he’d be back in a minute, and he was gone.

Closing your eyes, you brought the plush blankets up to your chin and fluttered your legs a bit, nestling in his soft bed. The burring that came with keeping them open immediately vanished. Your skin was hot even though you felt cold. The heat that the blankets provided was much appreciated.

However, you shivered as soon as something freezing hit your forehead.

“Chenle?” When you were about to open your eyes, Chenle shushed you. “It’s a washcloth. We need to break your fever before it gets worse.” You let him know about your disapproval by grumbling, but you didn’t state your complaint verbally.

He laughed at the noise and made his way around the bed to his side of it. “M’tired Lele.” He agreed and pulled your body closer to his.

Sleep came easily for both of you; however, sleep wasn’t interested in staying for you. Every couple of minutes you would wake up, toss and turn for a bit, and then fall back asleep. It wasn’t until Chenle felt this routine for about the umpteenth time before he wrapped his arms around your body tightly and pulled your back to his chest. Your half-awake mind decided that this position was comfortable enough, as you didn’t wake up again until hours later.

Your eyes stayed shut even after you woke up, the headache returned immediately, and you were determined to continue to sleep until you were no longer sick. But your goal was easily washed away when your pillow rumbled. The soft cushion moved at the same time you heard quiet laughter. A slight weight on top of your head joined the new sensations. But that weight didn’t still, it moved down your head, ran through your hair.

Deciding to fight against the crust that had built up around your eyes, you moved your hand up to your face and wiped the crust away with your fingertips. Once you deemed your eyes free of any annoyances, you opened them. The immediate sight was heavily blurred, the light fixture above you seemed extra bright but with the soft warm hue, you were able to get used to it quickly and soon you figured out that your rumbling pillow was Chenle’s thigh, and that weight was his hand massaging your head.

“Lele~”, your voice was drawn out, still deep and husky with sleep but Chenle understood you and smiled gently down at you. “How did you sleep? You were out for a while.” You sat up slightly to be upright and next to Chenle, but your straight posture didn’t last long, and you slouched into his side. “I still don’t feel good.” Without saying anything Chenle felt your forehead again, frowned, and picked up some water from the nightstand next to him.

The cold glass that was being brought up to your lips was the only thing that made you realize just how thirsty you really were. Chenle helped you drink the water slowly as your hands were still laced with that sleepy weakness. The soothing feeling of the water was welcomed, helping your sore throat significantly.

Silence filled the room, except for the TV playing some show that caused Chenle to laugh occasionally and your heavy breathing through your mouth as your nose was clogged. During a particularly quiet part of the show, your breathing was audible to Chenle, and you laughed. “I’m sorry for being a mouth-breather during your show.” Your apology made him laugh in which he gently assured you that it was okay and he’s sorry you feel so terrible.

“So, what did you do while I was asleep?” Pure curiosity got the best of you, and you wanted the visualization of what Chenle does when he’s alone. “Well, I was asleep with you for about two hours but when I woke up, I just stayed next to you in case you needed anything. I watched the movie I needed to for my communications class and I’m now ahead in most of my classes.” You were glad that your chest wasn’t pressed to Chenle because he definitely would’ve felt the tempo of the beating speed up. He stayed with you.

You would honestly, whole-heartedly say that you didn’t mind being sick. Chenle had treated you with a gentle tenderness that you didn’t think he was capable of. The thought of your guys’ feud and hatred for each other made you sad for the first time ever.

But you pushed the negative notion away and snuggled into Chenle even more, loving the unspoken reward of his arm wrapping around your shoulder, holding you securely to him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was the second month of your deal. Your knees hurt from kneeling on the floor to scrub the floors and your hands hurt from all the chemicals since you refused to use the gloves that he bought you. You refused to use anything Chenle had bought you if it was him attempting to be nice. Even though you two had had your moments, you couldn’t shake the thought of him just using you in some way.

Knocking on the door, you were expecting Chenle to make you wait and then finally greet you with a sleezy smile. But what you were met with made you step back. Chenle swung the door open and stepped forward.

“Let me see your hands and knees.” Instead of listening to him, you hid, you hid your hands behind your back and looked away. “I’m not fucking asking, show me your hands and knees.”

Chenle’s eyes showed that he wasn’t joking, this was the most serious or angry you have ever seen him. He stepped aside and nodded towards his apartment, urging you do walk in. You decided it would be better to listen to him and when you passed him and he’d be able to see your hands, you moved them to hide in front of you. But it didn’t work because as soon as your hands weren’t interlocked with each other, Chenle wrapped his hand around your wrist and pulled your arm up.

He gasped at the discolored splotches of your skin, where the skin was rubbed raw, and bumps were forming in some spots. “This is why I bought you gloves.” His voice wasn’t stern anymore, more so remorseful.

“Come on, I have some ointment for this.” His fingers intertwined with yours, and he lightly pulled you to the bathroom. Chenle’s hands were nice and cold, a good contrast to the heated and irritated skin of your own.

You unfortunately knew where his bathroom was. It reminded you of the first day of this mess. But based on Chenle’s change in attitude, you had a feeling that this bathroom would bring a new memory.

When he led you to the bathroom, he didn’t say a single thing. He didn’t make fun of you or scold you or degrade you. Instead he waited until your back was in front of the vanity. He bent down and wrapped his hands around the backs of your thighs and gently placed you on top of the bathroom counter.

“Is it alright if I roll down your socks?” His face was level with yours. “Yeah, that’s fine.” You nodded at him but looked away when you felt his hands on your thighs.

His pale fingers lingered on your skin longer than they needed to, but it was comfortable. Chenle did what he said he would and pulled down your socks. You could hear his swallow once he saw the dark blue bruises that littered your knees.

“I even bought you the best knee pads I could find so this wouldn’t happen.” He shook his head and turned around. He rustled through the medicine cabinet. You assumed he was looking for the ointment he had mentioned.

While his back was turned to you, you looked at his outfit. He was wearing a black fitted muscle tee and gray sweatpants. If you weren’t so embarrassed, you probably would’ve been drooling on any other day.

“Alright, this one is for your hands and this one will help the bruises heal faster.” He looked back at you and popped up one of the caps. “This one is going to burn a bit where the cuts are a bit open but that just mean it’s working.”

Chenle took one of your hands into his, cradling it with upmost care. He dapped the cream on your hand and allowed you to squeeze his own when the burning kicked in. He never said anything to you when your legs twitched at the pain. He made sure all the white liquid was rubbed in and no longer burning.

“And we’re done with your hands. The bruise ointment doesn’t hurt at all, it’ll feel almost cold, but it’ll be more soothing than anything.” You appreciated that he was walking you through everything he was doing without making you feel dumb and with the look he gave you, you felt anything but that.

You were pulled out of your daze when he brought your hands up to his lips one by one and planted a gentle kiss on ever irritated spot. Chenle didn’t look up at you when he did this, nor did he when he explained himself. “My mom always said that if someone you’re close to is hurt, kissing the spot that hurts makes them feel better quicker.”

He didn’t wait for you to respond before he knelt in front you in between your knees. He looked up at you from his knelt position. Chenle just stared at you for a few minutes, and you just stared back.

“Chenle-” He stood back up quickly, grabbed the back of your neck and connected your lips. Your hands fisted his t-shirt. He whispered your name against your lips and tugged you closer, so close that your chests were touching and there wasn’t any room to breathe in between.

Although you couldn’t fit a hand between your bodies you still tried to move closer. You felt your butt get closer to the edge of the vanity and before you could wrap your head around the fact that you were about to fall, you fell.

Your already abused knees hit the floor and you let out a cry. Chenle fell with you purposely, immediately addressing your pain. “Ah fuck, I’m so sorry!” He apologized even though it wasn’t his fault. He pulled you into his lap, letting your knees rest from the pressure of the ground.

“I’m gonna put the ointment on you, again, it’s just gonna be cold.” You heard him twist off the lid. He dipped his pointer and middle finger in the white cream.

He was right when he said it was cold. You gasped at the sensation and clutched onto him. Your breath was already shaky from the pain. Chenle rubbed it in gently, soft enough to prevent it from being painful but still firm enough to get it done quickly.

While you intently watched Chenle aid you back to health once again, you realized that as time progressed, your time spent together consisted of less cleaning and more…intimate activities, and not just sex either. 

Tears were still streaming down your face still and Chenle wiped the ointment residue on his shirt but still wiped your tears off with the back of his hands to avoid getting the cream on your face.

“How about this, it’s getting late already so how about I cook us some dinner and we can have an easy night. You can go change into some of my clothes if you want.” He smiled at you and kissed your lips; you kissed back but Chenle didn’t let you deepen it like you wanted. Chenle laughed at your little pout, kissed your bottom lip that was jutted out, and helped you up.

He held you hand and led you to his room. “I’ll be in the kitchen, just let me know if you need anything. Join me whenever you’re finished and comfortable.” You nodded and kissed him one last time. You loved kissing Chenle even though you wouldn’t admit it out loud. The feeling of his lips now was much different than the feeling of them when you first kissed. They were softer, smoother, almost nicer you’d say. He started using chapstick for you.

Even after having kissed Chenle several times before, he still left a tingling sensation on your lips. Once you were behind the door of his walk-in closet, you leaned against it and lightly touched your lips. The realization of what you were doing hit though and you mentally kicked yourself. Returning to the task at hand, you looked at Chenle’s closet, the familiar items stuck out to you, and you wanted to wear something you had seen him wearing recently.

The familiar black and grey striped hoodie caught your eye, and you took it off its hanger and slipping it on your bare body. Your dress was already crumbled on the floor, but you ignored it and went to the drawers that stored his sweatpants. Remembering the pair that you wore last time; you picked those and relished the comfortable feeling they brought.

When you were done, you crouched down and collected the pieces of your previous outfit and placed them in the tote bag that you had left in the bathroom. As you approached the kitchen, you could hear Chenle softly singing. You didn’t know that he could sing, and you wanted nothing more than to hear more. So, you entered the kitchen as quietly as possible and just stood there. Thinking about sitting in a chair at the island did occur but you quickly decided against it as the possibility of the chair scrapping across the floor would alert Chenle and the singing would most likely come to an end, which you didn’t want whatsoever.

But your secret viewing of the domestic concert came to an end anyways once Chenle turned around to plate whatever was in the saucepan. He smiled at you, deciding to ignore the fact that hearing him sing caused a blush to take over his face. “I hope you’re okay with me just reheating some leftover pasta, I didn’t want to keep you waiting.” You pulled out one of the chairs from under the island and thanked Chenle, ensuring him that dinner was perfect.

Instead of sitting in the sit across from you, Chenle sat in the one next to you. With his right hand he ate but with his left he rubbed your thigh over the sweatpants. It was silent for the most part, Chenle didn’t do anything to spark the conversation, however, he just looked at you. His eyes were telling you something, something you have never heard from him before, but you couldn’t for the life of you figure out that the look in his eyes were trying to convey.

The pasta was soon gone from the plates and now in your stomachs. With the fullness in your belly and the warmth that Chenle was bringing your body, you yawned, tiredness consuming your body and mind.

“Let’s go to bed, baby.” He called you baby, and you weren’t even sick. “You want me…to stay?” Chenle looked at you like you were insane, like you were purple with two heads.

“Of course I want you to stay, why wouldn’t I?” You just shook your head and watched him clean up the kitchen, which in retrospect, should be your job. “Shouldn’t I clean the table?”

The question shocked Chenle, “I guess I forgot about the deal to be honest, until now of course. You’re not as bad as I thought. And please, that isn’t supposed to sound bad. You’re not bad at all.” He was tripping over his own words, digging himself in a deeper and deeper hole. His ears were pink, and a nervous smile took over his lips.

“You’re not too bad yourself Zhong.” Chenle approached you slowly, the warm lighting highlighting his features beautifully. Once he was right next to you, he leaned down and pecked your lips. It was soft and sweet and said exactly what needed to be said.

“Now let’s actually go to bed, I can tell that you’re tired.” You were, and the fact that it was probably the dark circles under your eyes that told him so, you still felt the fluttering in your heart at the thought of him knowing you.

What Chenle did next surprised you, he bent down and scooped you off the chair. “Oh my god! What the hell Chenle!”

“Shhh, just let me carry you!” Giggling as Chenle carried you to the bedroom, you littered his cheeks, lips, and nose with several tiny kisses. He started giggling as well. You assumed your pecks were starting to tickle him because his pace picked up and soon you were in the air. Yelling as you landed on the plush bed, your loud laugh mixed with Chenle’s dolphin like howl.

“Now we’re waking your neighbors!” You covered your mouth and squeezed your nose, trying to calm yourself before you actually woke his neighbors or worse, pissed yourself.

“Wouldn’t be the first time.” Chenle jumped on the bed, next to you. His impact caused you to bounce and the giggling increased. The two of you, giggling into the other’s mouth, were rolling around the bed uncontrollably. The tiredness was most likely at fault for the fit of giggles, but it was almost like you were high. High off each other.  

You rolled onto Chenle’s chest and kissed him. Both of you were already panting, trying to catch your breath after the laughing session but the kiss definitely winded you as well.

The heavy breathing slowed the giggles and forced you to take a break from the other’s lips. Chenle was on his back, and you had rolled off of him and laid on your stomach right next to him. You looked at each other in silence, stupid dopey smiles decorating your flushed faces.

The moment lasted until seemingly simultaneously you and Chenle both closed your eyes and drifted off to sleep, but not before Chenle rose his hands in the air and clapped twice to turn off the lights.  

Chenle’s mood was similar to the one he carried before the two of you got to know each other. You didn’t know what had changed but you still walked out of the café and towards him.

“I just can’t fathom the fact that you get all dolled up like this just to go to work at a maid café. I didn’t think this type of outfit was your style. You look a bit ridiculous.” You were used to Chenle being mean to you, it has happened since grade school and all the way to your current Uni days. Him picking fun at your looks wasn’t surprising either, he’d always call you ugly or something like when you were kids but now, it hurt worse than ever. And for once, he seemed to pick up on it.

“What’d I say?” He huffed out a laugh through his nose, not believing what he was about to see in front of him. You crying. Chenle’s cocky smirk fell off his face, “Woah, woah, woah, what’s the matter L/n?” You looked away from him as tears started to fall down your face. Chenle cupped your now wet cheeks and turned your head towards him. Concern was written across his face. “You’ve never cried before, just tell me what’s wrong. Please.” The chill from being outside caught up with you and you shivered, your bare arms were now littered with goosebumps. Chenle immediately noticed this and pulled you into his coat clad body, trying to transfer his body heat to yours.

“Please tell me where I pushed it too far. I know I make things difficult, but I can’t stand seeing you cry because of me.” This was very unlike him, but you were too upset to ponder on it.

“I felt pretty like this.” The crack in your whispered confession made him want to kill himself for ever making you feel like this. Pulling you away from his chest, he saw your mascara running down your cheeks, snot leaking out of your nose, and your eyes were already puffy from the crying. “Oh, no, no, no. You are pretty, the absolute prettiest. I think you’re the most beautiful person to ever walk the Earth.” “I think-” He was interrupted by you slapping his chest, hard.

“It’s always ‘Well I think’ or ‘Well I didn’t think’. You need to make up your fucking mind Chenle. You think a lot of things while not thinking at all. And I’m done with this whole being your maid deal, go ahead and tell everyone, I don’t care anymore. I’m tired of you always treating me like dogshit. I’m done with the deal, and I’m done with you.” You turned on your heel and started walking away from the café and away from Chenle. Your tears were no longer of sadness or from being insecure. The tears now felt hot with rage. But, instead of lashing out even more, you just wanted out of the situation. 

Minjeong who got off of her shift 15 minutes after you got off yours was walking out of the backdoor and towards her car. You cleared your throat and wiped your tears, “Minjeong! Can I catch a ride with you?” She could hear the bubble in your throat and met you halfway.

“What happened?” She looked at you and then looked over your shoulder. “I’m gonna fucking kill you Zhong!” You put your hand out, stopping her from approaching Chenle. “Let’s just go Minjeong.” She ignored the anger inside of her and just huffed, held her nose in the air, and pulled you to her car.

Before she let you explain what exactly happened, she listed all the fun things you two were going to do tonight to cheer you up. But still all you could think of was Chenle. Even though he has hurt you in the past and continued to hurt you, you still had some sick soft spot for him. Maybe it was caused by the moments after the two of you would have sex, or the times he would pick you up from work or even visit you at work to give you a break from the creepy men. You liked Chenle and you hated him for it. But most of all you hated yourself for it.

Minjeong was still shit talking Chenle while you pulled out of the parking lot, and you refused to look back at him, but you could see him through the passenger’s side mirror. It had started to rain and Chenle was still standing under the streetlight, watching Minjeong’s car drive away. Watching you drive away.

You ruled out any possibility of him caring about you the moment he let you leave with Minjeong. If he liked you like he led on, he would’ve stopped you. He would’ve explained whatever sick reasoning he had, but he didn’t. He watched you leave and thinking about it, the fact that he didn’t fight for you, hurt more than anything he’s ever said to you.

“You need to get him out of your head. I know it just happened and you two have the weirdest relationship I’ve seen but it’s better to get him out of your head now.” You kept looking back at Chenle until he was out of sight. “Minjeong, I fucking hate that I love him.” It was the first time you’ve ever said it out loud, but she knew.

You looked down to your lap and played with the frills of your skirt, running your fingers along the lace. Watching the streetlights pass by the lights themselves were just blurring from your eyes still being teary. “Minjeong?” You turned your head but still didn’t look up. “Yeah?” She placed her hand on yours, putting a stop to the shaking.

“Can I stay with you tonight?” She laughed and shook her head. “I wasn’t even going to give you a choice. Even if you asked me to take you home, the answer was going to be a no.”

The two of you fell into a calming silence that was only interrupted by your sniffles and then a gasp once you felt your phone buzz.

“Oh my god, it’s Chenle.” Minjeong whipped her head around to yell not to answer it. “Well I don’t wanna talk to him right now.” You ignored the call, and her shoulders released their tension. “I’m proud, he doesn’t deserve your tears and he certainly doesn’t deserve your time.”

“I’m gonna miss him.” She placed a comforting hand on yours, eliminating the shakiness. “At least it was just sex, right?” Minjeong tried figuring out where you and him truly stood so she could assist the situation better.

“No, I wish it was, but it wasn’t.” Your hand slipped from beneath hers and raised along with your other to cover your face.

Minjeong didn’t pry for anything else, the rest of the car ride was silent, or at least until she pulled into the drive through. “What do you want?” Turning your head from looking out your window and out Minjeong’s, you rubbed the tears out of your eyes so you could read the menu without the blur.

“I’ll have chicken nuggets and a vanilla shake, thank you Minjeong.” She smiled and placed your orders with the person speaking in the microphone and pulled up to the window when instructed to.

The person at the window looked at your outfits and tried to suppress a laugh but once he saw your swollen face, his smile disappeared, and he just took Minjeong’s card to pay for the meal.  

“I can’t believe Chenle can be such an ass, especially after everything the two of you have been through. Sure you guys didn’t like each other but I saw the way he looked at you! I saw the change!” Minjeong broke her own rule about not talking about Chenle and the more she spoke about how much Chenle supposedly liked you, the more you felt your feelings disappear. What he said reminded you of what he was like before the deal was made, but along the way, the deal didn’t exist anymore, and it was just Chenle and you. You didn’t understand what processed him to say what he said but you didn’t care anymore.

Sniffling once more, you wiped your tears and leaned across Minjeong. “Hey, do you think I could get your number?” The guy at the window shot you a sleazy look and wrote down his snap on a napkin. You shot him a flirty wink and sat back in your seat naturally.

The guy handed Minjeong your food and called out to you, “I’ll be looking forward to talking to you.” Minjeong though, drove away before he could even finish the poor excuse of flirting. When you looked at her, surprised by her speeding, her eyes were filled with anger. “What?”

“What? What? What do you mean ‘what’? You just broke off your relationship with Chenle! I don’t care how hurt you are, but you are not moving on that quick, the only thing that guy is going to do, is make the situation worse.” Minjeong took the napkin with the barely eligible handwriting on it, without taking her eyes off the road, and she crumpled it up and put it in her apron pocket.

Minjeong didn’t allow you to get a word in before she started talking, “The both of us are going to call out tomorrow, from both school and work and have a little day to allow you to sit and wallow. But after that, you’re getting back on track where you lived in a world without Chenle.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She was right, she sent the emails and made the calls herself on your behalf so you wouldn’t have to reach out to anyone unless you wanted to. However, the constant checking your phone wishing that Chenle was the cause of those notifications, caused your day to go much slower than it would’ve with him.

But no matter how many times you flipped your phone face side up to see the screen, Minjeong did a good job on distracting you. The two of you binge watched damn near all of One Direction’s content for the sole purpose of Minjeong getting to see Harry Styles on the screen.

The day did eventually come to an end though and you were forced into getting ready to go back into the real world.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your step had a bit of extra pep in it and it was because of the thick wad of cash that sat in one of the hidden pockets in your skirt. You had your usual top customers that requested for you specifically all come around at some point today, so of course, your tips for it showed.

The sun felt nice on your skin, the several days long rain had finally ended and as the dark clouds floated away, so did your sore mood. Along with your thoughts of-

“Y/n! Please let me talk to you! Just for a bit, please!”

Chenle.

Looking behind your shoulder, you kept walking to your car. “Well I don’t want to talk to you.” Facing your head towards the parking lot, you spotted your car and made a beeline for it. Ignoring the begs and pleas coming from the man behind you, you just kept walking. That was until you literally couldn’t.

Chenle had sprinted in front of you and had his back to your driver’s side door.

“Chenle. Move, I want to go home.” He shook his head. “I miss you so much, you don’t even understand.” You scoffed, unable to hold in your disgust. “You miss me as your maid and fuckdoll, give me a fucking break.”

Walking closer to him, you tried to pry him off of the door. “No, I love you. I need you back into my life. I miss the moments when we were us.” You knew exactly what he was talking about, they were the same moments that caused you to fall in love with him.

“I know you know what I’m talking about. Please just forgive me. I didn’t mean to push it too far, I didn’t know you had changed, I was expecting you to throw something back at me. If I knew our relationship had changed, I never would’ve done it.”

He looked like he had walked through hell. His hair was a greasy mess, his eyes were bloodshot, he had dark circles under them, and his usual designer casual wear was nowhere to be seen. In Gucci and Louis Vuitton’s place was a grey pair of food stain covered sweatpants and a heavily wrinkled dark green shirt. He didn’t look like The Chenle. The person standing in front of you now was the closest version of Chenle that you knew. But this time, he wasn’t behind closed doors. He was refusing to let you in your car and begging you to forgive him.

“Now, how do you think our relationship changed?” Your arms were crossed against your chest. You mentally stabbed yourself for even allowing him a chance to explain himself.

“After a few weeks of fucking, we stopped with the insults. We started actually talking and, and, and you stayed passed the time you were done cleaning. You stayed for dinner with me, you, you, we slept together without actually having sex.” He was bringing up good points but in a very poor way. These things meant a lot to you too but with his portrayal of events, you didn’t have you convinced yet. Even though he never lost you in the first place.

“Remember when you weren’t feeling well but still came over to clean? I noticed that you weren’t feeling well and instead of telling you that you didn’t have to clean, and you could go home, I suggested you stay at my place, and we could have a comfortable lazy day.” Your stomach hurt for two reasons that day, the stomach bug that had taken over your body, and then a virus, Chenle. Chenle made you feel so pleasant that day. From him rubbing your stomach and shoulders on the back to him washing your hair that night and letting you sleep in his bed cuddled up against him.

He was right, your relationship had changed. It had changed so much that you went from wishing he’d disappear off the face of the earth to wishing he’d never disappear from your side.

Chenle could see you thinking, over the time you had spent together, he had learned to read you. He could read you from before, but he only knew what pissed you off. Now, he knew almost everything.

“Please, I’ll do anything. I can’t lose you when I love and need you this much.” You knew that you were going to take him back, but you still wanted him to suffer.

“Anything?” Although you tried to play coy, he immediately caught on and answered your question. “You know I’d do anything for you.” He cupped the back of your neck, looked into your eyes, and with that single close-mouthed kiss, your relationship was sealed.

Your hands moved from your sides to his shoulders and finally reached their destination curled in his hair that was now the color you had suggested to him, pink.

You hid your smile in this chest, he had made you cry in several different ways, but now, he was making you smile. “Chenle-” he shushed you. “I just wanna hold you, I never want to let you go again and I’m not going to mess up again.” His hands clutched onto you tightly, emphasizing his point.

“I love you Chenle and I hate you for it.” He laughed; it was high pitched like that was the last thing he imagined leaving your mouth. Once his laughter died down, he looked at you, really at you. “I love you too, but it’s the best thing to ever happened to me.”

[megamett44-lover]

Matt Sturniolo x Reader

Summary: In which Y/N is tired of being the only one fighting for their relationship

Warnings/Notes: Use of Y/N, mention of sex, toxic relationship

Requested? No!

Know It’s For The Better

“I can’t keep doing this.” I mutter, throwing my hands up in defeat.

“Doing what, Y/N?” Matt harshly questions, following closely behind me.

“Don’t play stupid.” I say. Turning to look at the man I’ve loved for the past three years. “Matt, seriously, just stop.”

“Stop what?” Matt practically screams. “I don’t know what you want from me!”

“You never have.” I scoff, slapping my arms down at my sides. “Three years, Matt! Three fucking years, I have stood by you. I have forgiven you. I have loved you. I can’t keep doing this!”

This was a long time coming. Matt and I had been high school sweethearts and I genuinely thought I was going to marry him. I guess I had always been too lovesick, or maybe naive, to realize our futures were never made to be intertwined.

“I don’t understand!” Matt says. “Why won’t you just talk to me?”

I laugh. “Talk to you? TALK TO YOU?!” I roll my eyes. “That’s all I ever do, I am constantly explaining things to you. Sure, you hear what I’m saying, but it goes in one ear and out the other. I agreed to be your girlfriend, not your mother.”

I had been so proud of Matt and his brothers when their YouTube channel took off. I was their number one supporter; flying to L.A. with them, helping them move, helping them with video ideas, I was there for all of it. But it seemed like Matt was the one who couldn’t be there for me. Our relationship had taken a backseat while he focused on his career.

“Please, help me fix this.” Matt mutters. “I can’t do this without you. I need you.”

“You haven’t needed me for a long time, Matthew.” I whisper. In fact, he’d been so absorbed in his career that he hadn’t noticed me slowly pulling away, untangling the roots I had laid within his life.

“All we ever do is fight.” I say. “We fight, we fuck, you promise you’ll be better and I stay, only to repeat this vicious cycle the next week. I will not cling to a false God anymore, Matt. I can’t do it. I don’t deserve this, and neither do you.”

“Don’t do this, Y/N.” Matt pleads, taking my hand. “I love you.”

“And I love you.” I admit truthfully. “That’s why I need to let you go. You deserve the world, Matt Sturniolo. And I hope one day, while you’re trying to get it, you realize you had someone who was ready to hand it to you on a silver platter.”

I pull my hand away from his as I turn around to leave, fighting the sting of the tears welling in my eyes.

“I will always love you, Y/N.” I hear Matt say behind me. “And I will wait forever for you if I have to. I will always be yours.”

Drawing a deep breath, I manage to move my feet down the stairs to the front door. Grabbing the handle, I feel the weight of my actions bear down upon my soul as I leave the only life I have known for three years. The weight on my chest crushes me as I walk out of the door, knowing what I did was for the better.

Part 2…?

Loosely inspired by my toxic relationship lolololol but…ANYWAYS! I am SO back! Send me requests pookies:)

[pastelwitchling]

I'm so happy you're still taking malex prompts! Could you do something where Michael's abandonment issues rise to the surface? Thank you! Love your work.

@joaneteporis

***

“How long’ll you be gone?”

Alex looked over his shoulder at Michael from where he was packing the last of his sweaters into his black suitcase. Michael hated that suitcase. They were in their bedroom, Michael sitting on the edge of their bed, still naked from when he’d woken up a few hours ago, partly hoping that if he never got out of bed, never showered or dressed, then Alex would change his mind and climb back into the sheets and Michael’s arms. He’d been hoping this stupid trip would be canceled.

Yet Alex sat before him, the tips of his hair still damp from the late shower he’d managed despite Michael’s attempts to delay him with trails of kisses down his body. He’d been giggling breathlessly then, and he smiled just as easily now at the false indifference.

He put his last sweater in before gripping Michael’s knee and kissing it, his hand stroking Michael’s thigh soothingly.

“Just three days,” he promised. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

Michael held out a hand. “I want collateral.”

Alex burst into laughter, and Michael tried hard not to smile at the sound. “What could I possibly give you?”

“Your phone.”

“And how would I get in touch with Ramos without my phone?” he said, squishing his cheek against Michael’s knee. “Or you?”

He dropped his hand. “Damn it.”

Alex’s smile widened. “You actually think I’d come back for my phone and not you?”

“I know you’d come back for me,” Michael said defensively, and could hear the threat in his voice himself. I know you will come back for me. Or else I’d come after you and never let you out of my sight. “I just need a little insurance.”

“So you don’t trust me.”

“I don’t trust our life, Alex,” he corrected. “I don’t trust that something else won’t happen when I’m not there.”

“I’m keeping my location on,” he said, more softly. “I told you I’d tell you when I got there. Besides, I’m not heading anywhere alone, this is another branch of agents, Guerin.” He pressed one more gentle kiss to Michael’s calf and turned back to his suitcase. “No evil aliens are taking me away this time.”

Alex shut his suitcase and zipped it up, the sounds like nails in a coffin, and Michael’s heart sank into his stomach. It was really happening. Alex was really going to leave again, and there was nothing Michael could do about it. He was going to be sick, he couldn’t breathe.

Alex picked up his suitcase, Michael’s hand outstretched halfway between them, wanting to pull Alex back by his sleeve and keep him there and to call his name and show him how scared he was so that he never walked out that door. Alex had talked to him when Eduardo had asked him to train a bunch of recruits outside of Roswell, had told him that he wouldn’t go if it really bothered his husband, and Michael – the absolute dumbass – had said that he would be fine, it would be okay, that Michael might get a little nervous about it, but that Alex should go if that was what he needed to do. If he promised to return.

He'd been regretting every word since. He should’ve said no. He knew that there was no way Alex would begrudge him for it; Alex loved him, he would’ve done anything to keep Michael happy, and Michael was only happy when he had Alex in his line of sight –

Alex was suddenly in his space, crawling into Michael’s lap and straddling him on the edge of the bed, Michael’s legs the only thing keeping him from falling. He hugged Michael’s shoulders and buried his face in the crook of Michael’s neck, slipping a hand into his curls and holding on.

“Shhh, baby,” Alex whispered, completely calm. The darkness around Michael’s vision slowly cleared, and he saw Alex’s suitcase leaning against the wall. He had clearly noticed Michael’s impending panic and had wanted to shut the suitcase and put it aside so that he could focus his attention on his husband instead. “I’m here. I’m right here.”

Michael’s hands were still trembling when he reached up to hug Alex back, gripping fistfuls of his shirt and squeezing him to his chest.

“Breathe,” Alex murmured over and over, his breath warm on Michael’s ear. “Breathe, beautiful.”

“I’m – I’m trying,” he gritted out, shoving his face hard into Alex’s shoulder and trying to breathe in his scent, to remind himself that Alex was right here, in his arms. That they were husbands now, and had beaten the monsters that had come for them together, and they were free. That Alex was his, and no one was ever taking him away again.

After a long few minutes, Michael’s shuddering had ceased, but Alex was still rubbing his back and breathing softly against his neck.

“Just breathe,” he said softly, reaching into his back pocket. He pulled his phone out. “I’m right here.”

Michael didn’t want to let go of him. “W-What’re you doing?”

“Calling Eduardo,” he said, dialing. “I’m canceling.”

Michael frowned. He knew what he wanted to say; he wanted to say that he was sorry, but that he really couldn’t do this; he couldn’t be away from Alex, he couldn’t let him go, he couldn’t send him off and act like it wasn’t killing him.

But he caught Alex’s hand anyway.

“No,” he said, even as he felt someone else say the word, even as his brows furrowed and he squeezed Alex’s fingers. “N-No, I’m – I’m okay, I’m fine.”

“Michael,” Alex pulled back enough to see his face, cupping his cheek, “it’s okay. I care more about you than some stupid job, I don’t mind staying right here, okay?”

Michael could see that. There was no resentment or disappointment in Alex’s dark eyes or his soft, loving smile. He would stay on Michael’s lap all day if Michael wanted him to, and he’d be happy to do it.

How long would that last? How long would their relationship survive if Michael couldn’t give him a few days’ worth of space? How long until Michael’s love for Alex turned into an incessant need that was never satisfied, until neither of them could go off to work without Michael descending into a panic attack?

No. Something had to give.

“I can’t . . .” he started, and Alex was nodding.

“I understand,” he said, “it’s okay.”

“No,” he held Alex’s hand to his lips. “I can’t be this scared all the time, Alex. I can’t worry that you won’t come back every time you walk out the door. I have to . . .” the words didn’t want to leave, but Michael forced them out, “I have to let you go. Just for a little while. Just so I know that you’ll always come back to me.”

“Always,” Alex promised at once, and something in Michael rested a little easier. He believed him, he did . . . he was just terrified. Alex was too important to him to risk.

Sliding a hand into Alex’s hair, he pulled him in to slot their mouths together, his other arm around Alex’s waist. Alex arched into his body like he was just as starved for him, cupping his face and tilting his head to deepen the kiss.

They ended up tangled in each other a few minutes more before Michael had to put a stop to it and walk Alex to the door. If he held him close now, he really wouldn’t ever let him leave again. Alex walked backwards to his car, eyes on Michael until the last possible second. Michael didn’t dare go inside until long after Alex’s car was out of sight. Then he closed the door and collapsed against it, exhaling shakily, a tear rolling down his cheek.

“He’ll come back,” he told himself, the silence of the now empty house heavier than it had ever been. “He’ll come back.”

Alex checked in when he got to the top-secret base that night, and Michael had checked his location just to make sure he’d been safe and sound the entire ride there, where Alex finally turned off the feature until his inevitable drive back. He called that night, and Michael kept him on the phone to fall asleep to his voice, and then again in the morning to make sure Michael had eaten. Michael had done the same, and protested when Alex had insisted that a granola bar was enough.

“I mean, there’s a breakfast buffet, but . . .”

“But what?”

Alex’s voice dropped to a murmur like it did in those rare moments when he was shy. “I don’t know anyone. I’m supposed to be their superior, what if they just stare at me?”

Michael had been having coffee by himself at the kitchen isle, his tech and schematics spread out before him in an effort to distract him from the lack of his warm, rosy-cheeked husband at his side, and now at Alex’s embarrassment, he found himself smiling genuinely for the first time all morning.

“Aww, baby . . .”

“Shut up,” Alex grumbled, and Michael’s shoulders shook with quiet laughter. “Stop laughing at me!”

Michael’s laugh burst out then, and he curled around the phone in the hope that he could pull Alex through it and hold him like he was dying to do.

“God, I miss you,” he sighed, still smiling.

“It’s been a few hours,” Alex said. “You haven’t had the time.”

“I can miss you if I want to.”

“I miss you, too, then.”

Michael hummed. “How much do you miss me?”

“So much.”

“Enough for a FaceTime call?”

Alex couldn’t have missed the suggestion in Michael’s voice, and this time, it was him who laughed. Michael rested his chin on his palm and closed his eyes, his schematics forgotten.

“You’re such a freak,” he said fondly. “Fine, I’ll go into the damn dining hall.”

“Tell me you miss me again first.”

“I miss you,” he giggled.

“One more time?”

“I miss you I miss you I miss you, you absolute dork. I’ll call you tonight.” Then, softer, “I love you.”

“I love you more,” Michael promised, his smile already dimming at the end of the call that was coming. When Alex finally hung up, Michael continued to sit there for a long time, staring through his notes. Alex had already left, but Michael couldn’t help but whisper into the phone, “Come back to me soon.”

Over the next two days, Michael did a lot of pacing. He lounged on an exasperated Max’s couch (“It’s three days, stop being pathetic!”), hung out with Isobel and Kyle at Kyle’s insistence (who Michael was sure Alex had talked to), and worked endless hours at the junkyard to Walt’s eternal chagrin (“Lord help us if his car breaks down and he has to stay away another damn day”).

Alex did not call him on the fourth morning because he’d left the base early, making the drive back to Roswell instead, so Michael spent the hours since before dawn pacing outside. His heart thrashed when Alex’s car finally came into view, shifted restlessly from foot to foot as it pulled into the driveway, and ran at his husband before he’d even closed the car door.

Alex dropped his suitcase just as Michael swept him into his arms, his legs wrapping around Michael’s waist and his face buried in the crook of Michael’s neck. Michael groaned, long and low, his heart threatening to burst out of his chest now as he touched every inch of Alex he could reach, breathing him in and pulling him closer, closer, closer.

“I’m so tired,” Alex murmured wearily, hugging Michael’s shoulders tighter and cuddling into him like he was planning to fall asleep right there.

Michael couldn’t speak for a moment, running a hand between Alex’s shoulder blades, up and down his waist, clawing over his ass. Anything to keep him close, to feel him for hours after he eventually put him down. At least, Michael hoped he would put him down. Right now, he couldn’t imagine it.

Alex seemed to recognize that, and made no request to be released. He slid a hand into Michael’s curls and tugged. “You were so brave for me, baby,” he said. “I’m so proud of you.”

Michael shut his eyes tighter, holding onto Alex like his life depended on it. Sometimes, he thought it did. He wondered how brave Alex would think he was if he told him that.

“No big deal,” he finally said, releasing his first deep breath in days. “Barely noticed you were gone.”

***

Happy Malex Monday ❤️

[jahayla-parker]

You Are The Sun : Nikolai Lantsov x Reader

Part 4- The Finale

5k wc

Previous parts can be found here.

Nikolai hurried down the hall. He was expected to be headed out in a small caravan -with The Sun Summoner, per Zoya’s orders to do an engagement tour- for the next town over. It was supposed to confirm the rumors of the upcoming wedding and show Ravka had a solidified front. He hadn’t wanted to go but knew he needed to.

Only, as Nikolai made it to the waiting caravan, he realized he’d forgotten his coat in the library earlier. It had been an oversight as he’d been in there when saying his goodbyes to y/n. He had the coat hanging on his arm as he entered. He’d set it down on the back of the couch y/n was seated on as she helped Lotte, one of their youngest Grisha escapees from Fjerda, with her homework assignment.

After noticing Nikolai’s presence, y/n had stood and pulled him to the side, away from the child and their homework. She wanted some semblance of privacy for them to say their goodbyes.

Nikolai had been distracted trying to read y/n’s body language and nonverbal responses to be sure she was okay with him leaving with Alina. He wanted to make sure she wasn’t doubting his feelings. That y/n wasn’t questioning what he’d said the other night about how she was not going to lose him. He was very much in his own head at that moment. As such, he had not remembered to grab his coat on the way out.

Nikolai nodded his head at Lotte with a smile as he passed her in the hall as she walked with Genya. He smiled at Genya as well in passing. He noted that it seemed Genya wasn’t super pleased to see him. But, that was a matter for another time. It was likely only because she could tell he was late for the pre-scheduled departure.

Nikolai’s smile evaporated into thin air, leaving no trace on his face that it was ever even there when he heard what sounded like y/n crying as he reached the end of the hall. His chest shook as he tried to steady himself. His knees felt weak and his legs like cement.

“I know it was stupid,” Nikolai heard y/n say with a whimper. A sharp feeling resounded in his chest at her tone. He could hear her sniffles as she tried to compose herself. “But I still secretly hoped that… One day he'd like me back,” her glum voice murmured.

Nikolai gripped the library’s doorknob with fierce force. Who was y/n walking about? Who did she have a crush on? And why did that aspect in itself make his heart rate speed up and stomach twist? Why didn’t Nikolai know about his best friend having a crush? More importantly, how could whoever it was not like her back? Anyone should be so lucky to be with her.

“Y/n,” Nikolai heard someone say, pulling him from his racing thoughts. The second voice coming from the library sounded like Nina Zenik. Which would make sense, the Grisha was a close friend of Y/N’s. “You don’t know that he doesn’t feel the same way,” the heartrender calmly argued.

“Yes I do! I wish you’d stop trying to give me false hope, Nina,” Y/n sighed, her words confirming the presence of the other person in the room with her. False hope? Who was this unrequited crush that made y/n doubt her worth? Clearly, she hadn’t asked the person their feelings, but was still comfortable speculating that they didn’t feel the same? Why was she so sure? That infuriated Nikolai for reasons he couldn’t explain.

“I know it doesn’t even matter, because even if he did, well…” Nikolai heard y/n trail off. Her half-completed sentence only increased his confusion.

“I get that, and it sucks,” Nikolai heard Nina acknowledge. “I wish it weren’t like this, I assure you it sucks for both of you, but I especially wish it was different for your sake.”

Nikolai leaned against the wooden doorframe, ignoring the way the engravings on it poked his skin. He closed his eyes in order to focus on the conversation he was spying on. “It is irrelevant though, he does not feel the same,” Nikolai heard y/n reply, her voice a little clearer with his eyes closed.

“Girl, you do not know that,” Nina sighed.

“Yes I do,” y/n defended firmly.

“How?” Nina asked rhetorically. “Did you suddenly become a heartrender and not tell me?” She mocked

"Because, I am not the type of person someone falls in love with,” Y/N’s voice rang out.

Nikolai felt like the wind was knocked out of him. What? Why would she-?

“That’s a flat-out lie,“ Nina replied harshly, her voice overlapping with the echo of y/n’s words repeating in Nikolai’s head.

"Fine. I’ll revise it. Because I am not the type of person someone like him falls in love with. He’s so endearing, brilliant, captivating, and worthy,” y/n spoke, her voice suddenly soft and warm at the conclusion of her response.

Nikolai questioned the tension that took over his body as his heart rate sped up. He recognized a sense of frustration and what could only be described as jealousy bubble up inside him. But why? Didn’t he want y/n to find someone like that? Of course, he answered himself. So why was it suddenly hard to breathe?

Nina’s soft laughter brought Nikolai’s attention back to the conversation taking place on the other side of the door. “Look, I mean, sure, the King isn’t unattractive, but y/n, Nikolai isn’t some superior guy, and you’re-“ Her voice muted in Nikolai’s head as he froze. Her crush—y/n’s crush was on him? Y/n liked him? As more than a friend?

Nikolai felt his lips curl up and he noticed the way his jealousy immediately dissipated. Did he feel the same? He hadn’t really let himself consider such things before. He was a King and wasn’t given the choice to seek out a real relationship instead of merely forging one for the sake of politics. Regardless of if he returned y/n’s feelings, he hated the way she felt lesser than him. After all, nothing could be farther from the truth.

As millions of thoughts and memories of y/n flushed through Nikolai’s mind, he came to a quick and simple revelation. While trying to help Ravka, he’d overlooked his own interests and in turn, y/n. While he had told y/n himself that he saw her as his personal sun, he hadn’t realized the true depth of that.

Nikolai meant every word he’d told y/n when trying to reassure her the other night. But, he never stopped to compare those thoughts or feelings to those he had for others. When he did, it became undeniably clear; he more than reciprocated y/n’s feelings, he loved her. In a way that was irrefutably different than that of a friend, or even a best friend. Nikolai supposed his tunnel vision on replacing what Ravka had lost had blinded him from seeing what Ravka could become. But more frustratingly, he suspected that somewhere along the way, his focus had driven him to subconsciously place y/n into a box where she was his best friend but nothing now. Because as he thought back, while he couldn’t place the exact moment he’d begun to fall for her, he couldn’t deny that he had. She encompassed almost all areas of his mind at all times and he’d somehow never even considered what that meant. Perhaps it’s because a part of him knew what she meant to him but felt he had to prove himself to Ravka and the family he’d exiled, meaning he couldn’t be distracted by his feelings towards her.

Regardless of how it had gone down, the fact remained that Nikolai now knew how blind and clueless he’d been. It was as if y/n was a rainbow and he’d been color blind. Or, more fittingly, y/n was the sun and he'd been so blinded and amazed by her light that it didn’t even cross his mind to question why she had such an impact on him; assuming everyone felt that way around/towards her.

Nikolai wanted to scream at himself for being such a blind fool. But, it made sense. Close your eyes and picture the sun. It’s scorching into your back. You can't open your eyes, the brightness of it enflaming your mind till it's all you think about but when it's cold you miss it. That’s what loving y/n was like. It wasn’t just warmth. It was a burning, blinding, passionate love. A love so bright he’d been unable to look at it for what it was. But now that she’d been dimmed by her belief that Nikolai didn’t feel the same, it was much easier to see things clearly. And Nikolai regretted not having seen it long before now.

To be fair, he always knew Y/n was everything real in this world of make-believe. And while he hadn’t acknowledged her physical beauty beyond the level of which a friend would, he had always felt it. For as long as he could recall. He’d felt it as plainly as one could feel the sun shining down on them during a record-breakingly hot summer’s day.

Nikolai’s knees felt weak under him as the wooden doorframe supported his slouched posture. But, despite the shakiness that accompanied the newness of his freshly discovered feelings, he knew exactly what he had to do. Nikolai quickly abandoned his goal of obtaining his forgotten coat, it no longer mattered. Instead, he speed-walked back down the hall in order to track down Zoya.

As Nikolai burst into the den that far too frequently held war planning meetings, he saw the rest of his trumitive were there too. While it might’ve made him hesitant if he questioned his feelings, it didn’t slow him down at all. He had no doubt about his feelings towards y/n; he’d just been blind until now. So Nikolai didn’t care that he was about to do this in front of all of them. If anything, it made it easier as they could all get out their responses at once.

As his advisers-turned-friends’ eyes moved to take in his intrusion, Nikolai gave a coy smile. “Do not murder me, just hear me out,” he teased, knowing at a minimum Zoya would soon be considering it.

“You’re our King. Why would we kill you?” Tolya asked as he squinted at Nikolai.

“You haven’t taken up poetry like Tolya, have you?” Zoya groaned.

Tolya glared at Zoya in offense and shook his head.

“You’ve realized it haven’t you?” Tamar asked smugly.

“I don’t know what you’re referring to,” Nikolai conceited, raising a brow at her. “But, with all due respect, it does not matter right now”.

“What’s going on?” David asked, finally looking up from his notebook at Nikolai's serious demeanor.

“Call off the wedding,” Nikolai ordered simply, turning to his general.

“Given you haven’t even left yet to confirm the engagement rumors, we haven’t really begun the wedding planning, so that can’t actually be done,” Zoya sassed.

Nikolai rolled his eyes before his gaze turned more serious. “Call off the engagement then, Nazyalensky,” he revised.

“What?!” Genya gasped. Only, her voice sounded almost pleased, which Nikolai found odd given how much time she’d already spent drawing wedding gowns for Alina.

“I’ve made a grave oversight,” Nikolai confessed. He still felt tremendously guilty for having not seen y/n when she was right before him the whole time.

“Nikolai, if this is about y/n…,” Tamar sighed.

Nikolai turned towards Tamar quickly at the utterance of Y/N’s name.

“I’m glad you finally see it,” Tamar smiled lightly. “But… It’s a little late. You know what this alliance with Alina could do for Ravka,” she explained cautiously.

Nikolai nodded. “I do,” he agreed but shook his head. “But, Y/n can offer the same and far more”.

Nikolai knew he and his triumvirate had both been so blinded by the sun that Alina summoned that they naively focused on the Summoner and not the importance of what was summoned. It was the sun that truly mattered. And that was y/n. While it wasn’t the reason Nikolai wanted to call off the engagement to Alina, he hoped the realization would make his triumvirate respond less negatively to his change in plans.

“You’re suggesting breaking your engagement with the Sun Summoner to marry her sister instead?” Zoya scolded. She hated wording it like that as y/n was a close friend. But, this was a politically disastrous decision.

“Y/n y/l/n is not just Alina’s sister, General Nazyalensky,” Nikolai hissed protectively.

“Nikolai, -“ Zoya sighed, feeling torn.

“And, of course, that’s not what I’m suggesting,” Nikolai continued.

“Then, what?” Tolya questioned.

“All I stated was to call off the engagement,” Nikolai pointed out.

“And then???” Zoya asked. “What? You court y/n and what? Hope one day she’ll make a decent queen?”

“Y/n would make a fantastic queen,” Nikolai stated firmly. “It wouldn’t take any effort for her to win over the people.” “Should that be what she wants,” he added. Nikolai wasn’t in love with y/n because she’d make a great Queen. They just both happened to be true. But if that’s not what y/n wanted for her life, Nikolai would by no means push it on her.

“This is ludicrous!” Zoya complained. “We arranged this for a reason. Y/N’s great and all, but Ravka needs this engagement to-“

“Actually, we don’t,” David spoke up. “Sure, it would help, but no one expected Nikolai to marry so quickly. And it’s not like he has to do so in order to keep the throne. There’ve been unwed and widowed Lantsov kings before,” he reminded everyone.

“See,” Nikolai smirked, earning an annoyed glare from Zoya.

“Now, if that’s all,” Nikolai innocently remarked as he walked towards the door. “I have things to attend to”.

“Seriously?!” Zoya groaned loudly. “What could be more important than this debate?“ she asked.

“General Nazyalensky,” Nikolai spoke in his authoritative tone, “it is not a debate”. Being the King had its perks and he would utilize them if needed. Especially if y/n was involved. “But, to answer your intriguing question, Zoya,“ Nikolai murmured as he turned to Tolya. “Remind me, what was that obnoxiously poetic piece of advice you gave me as we left to search for The Sun Summoner?” He asked.

Tolya and his twin Tamar both grinned.

“Whatever makes you feel the sun from the inside out, chase that,” Tolya recalled.

Zoya groaned dramatically despite the way her lips tried to curl. She knew how long y/n had been crushing on the King. It was nice to finally see him get some sense and realize he felt the same way towards her.

Tolya’s recitation had been a line that stuck with Nikolai since he first spoke it. But he hadn’t known why. Nikolai figured it was his annoyance at his friend for trying to connect their mission to some poetic verse as per usual. It wasn’t until his revelation earlier tonight that he’d realized Tolya had been talking about Y/n. After all, at the time, Nikolai had sensed Y/n was slightly apprehensive about the mission and he had therefore felt mixed feelings about if they should go. Tolya meant to have Nikolai metaphorically chase Y/n, he wasn’t suggesting their mission was somehow poetic. Nikolai just hadn’t seen what everyone else seemingly had. That to Nikolai, Y/n was the Sun. That she was what he should be chasing after in life. Not the crown. Not Ravka. Not a political alliance through an arranged marriage. But y/n. His best friend. His confidant. His Sun. His love. His life. The sun. The center of his word. Y/n.

Nikolai wordlessly nodded at Tolya, a bashful grin on his face over the now-clear-acknowledgment that he’d taken this long to catch on to his own feelings.

“You realize Alina is quite literally The Sun Summoner, right?” Zoya asked, still feeling the need to argue the case.

“I do,” Nikolai stated as he walked to the door. “But she’s not the one who makes me feel that way. She’s not my sun. She’s not y/n”. He said and heard Genya squeal as he shut the door behind him.

“No, y/n, we need to talk about what I overheard you and Nina talking about in the library,” Nikolai pleaded as he squeezed y/n’s hands.

Y/n refused to look at him, desperately wanting to melt onto a puddle on the floor. This wasn’t happening. Nikolai couldn’t possibly have found out about her crush on him. Could he? It had been years she’d lived with this secret and now, when he was betrothed to her sister was when he found out? Why did she have the worst luck? What had she done to make the Saints so angry?

Nikolai sighed softly, a deep frown on his face. He’d caused this. His inability to notice his feelings before now had caused y/n to react this way. Reminding himself he didn’t need to fear confessing his feelings to her, he took a deep breath. “Alright. We don’t have to talk about it. You can just listen, after all, you deserved to hear this long ago,” he whispered.

“No,” y/n spoke, cutting Nikolai off from whatever humiliating speech he was about to make. She knew his kind heart would mean he’d want to make her feel better about her unrequited feelings. But she didn’t want that. He had nothing to make up for, nothing to apologize for. She was the one who had fallen for her best friend. “You don’t need to do this,” she assured him, nervously looking up to meet Nikolai's gaze.

“What is it you think I’m doing, love?” Nikolai inquired with a slight head tilt.

“You are going to try and make me feel better about myself, feeding me compliments that you don’t really mean just to-“ y/n began.

“Woah, I’ve never given you a compliment that I didn’t mean,” Nikolai defended.

Y/n’s lips trembled faintly as she gave Nikolai a small smile. “Nonetheless, I don’t want to hear your pity,” she stated. “I know you only see me as a friend. And I am honored to hold that title. I also know you’re betrothed to my sister, and-“.

“Y/n, please forgive me for interrupting,” Nikolai pleaded as he stepped closer to her; closing the distance between them. “But, my dear, you’re mistaken in more ways one, and I feel it’s my duty to remedy that,” he whispered.

Y/n squinted, brows furrowed lightly in confusion. “How so? And don’t lie to me, Nikolai,” she commanded quietly.

“I wouldn’t dare to, my love,” Nikolai promised, tugging Y/N’s hands towards him, smiling as the rest of her body followed suit.

“Not even for my own sake? To try to spare me some anguish?” Y/n questioned knowingly.

Nikolai bent his head down minimally. He smiled warmly at y/n, his eyes scanning her face. “I cannot and will not state that I would never try to protect you from undue emotional distress,” he acknowledged, “when warranted”. “But, precious, I do not believe that to be warranted for this particular conversation,” Nikolai grinned.

Nikolai watched the confusion on y/n’s face deepen at his words and he squeezed her hand. “I am no longer betrothed to anyone,” he informed her. He watched as a mix of emotions crossed y/n's face and swirled in her eyes.

“Wha-…” y/n mumbled, mouth suddenly dry. “What? Why? Did something happen?” She asked. Her eyes scanned Nikolai’s body as she leaned back to see him fully. “Are you okay?” Y/n questioned worriedly.

Nikolai nodded quickly. “Yes, I’m okay,” he promised. “Far better than okay, actually,” he grinned, teeth grazing his bottom lip briefly. “And yes, your sister is perfectly fine as well,” Nikolai added, seeing the way y/n’s worry had visibly lessened but not disappeared.

“So.. What.. why?” Y/n asked, her eyes peering up into Nikolai’s.

Nikolai tenderly brushed some hair away from y/n’s eye and tucked it behind her ear. “Because I was a blind fool for far too long,” he admitted.

“You-… what?” Y/n scoffed with a frown. “Blind to what?”

“You, y/n,” Nikolai answered affectionately, “I was blind to you”.

Y/n took a shaky breath as she took a single step back. “I don’t… I don’t understand, Nikolai,” She confessed. “Alina is constantly shining upon you. And, me? I'm the moon... constantly chasing after you,” y/n pointed out. “Which, I’m fine with Nik, so long as you’re hap-“.

“No, my love,” Nikolai cooed, taking a step forward to close the gap between them. “You have got it all backwards, I’m afraid. You are the sun, and I am the moon. Whatever light you see in me, is merely yours, reflected across the length of night.” He smiled tenderly as he stared into Y/N’s eyes. “I always found it beautiful how the moon glows using the sun's light and the sun never asks for anything in return. Yet, I took that for granted. I benefited from your love and I-,” Nikolai shook his head, ashamed.

“I didn’t treat you differently just because I held feelings for you, I’ve been your friend first and foremost,” y/n promised.

“I know,” Nikolai grinned. “And, I can’t express how much I cherish that.” He let his thumb face her left cheekbone. “But you deserved to know that I lo-“ he began.

“Do not say you love me unless you really mean it,” y/n hurriedly whispered. “Because I might do something crazy like actually let myself believe it,” she murmured.

“Please do believe it,” Nikolai requested, thumb still on y/n’s cheek as his remaining fingers slowly brought her face closer. “It’s far from crazy.” “What’s crazy, milaya, is that it took me so long to see what was right before me,” Nikolai confessed, needing her to know he should’ve come to this realization a long time ago. That she deserved for him to have done so. “It was like… You shined so brightly that I had to look away,” he whispered dazedly. “But I realize now I should’ve just fashioned a way for me to see the reality before me,” Nikolai apologized.

“Nikolai, you don’t have to-“ y/n tried, shaking her head softly.

“Yes I do,” Nikolai argued firmly. “I will not have you spend a single second more believing that your feelings are unreciprocated”.

“Wh.. But-“ y/n mumbled.

Nikolai shook his head. “No buts,” he hushed, “the universe took its time on you, crafted you to offer the world something different from everyone else. When you doubt your worth or how you were created, you doubt an energy greater than us both”.

“You don’t believe in the Saints, Nikolai,” y/n reminded him, with a raised brow.

“No,” Nikolai agreed. “But I believe in you. And I believe there is something, or someone, out there that has blessed me with you,” he mused with a smile. “How I’ll ever pay off that debt, I have no clue,” he said with a soft shake of his head. “But, I will happily spend the rest of my life proving my feelings to you and showing you your worth,” Nikolai pleaded, “if you give me the chance”.

Nikolai watched nervously as y/n tried to keep her composure. He could see she was emotional, but he couldn’t read which way it was going. Nikolai lowered his hand from her face and took both of her hands on his again. He gently squeezed her hands as he whispered, “Will you?”

“What?” Y/n questioned, voice barely audible.

Nikolai chuckled, the familiar pride of being able to make someone as incredible as y/n so flustered returning to him. He reached his hand back up and stroked her cheek. “Will you give me the chance to prove to you the sincerity of my love for you?” Nikolai asked.

Y/n blinked past the tears forming in her eyes. “Without Alina you might not have the world’s attention,” she warned. She needed Nikolai to know what he was giving up by choosing her.

“I do not want to have the world's attention,” Nikolai rebutted. “Yours is more than enough."

Y/N’s lips twitched as she fought off a bashful grin. “You know I can’t be her, right?” She asked nervously, her eyes scanning Nikolas’s to see if he fully understood.

“I don’t want you to be, I don’t want her,” Nikolai reassured y/n, holding her hands in his tightly. “l want you”.

“Alina can get even the most hesitant crowds to cheer for you, for Ravka,” y/n argued. She knew the influence her sister could carry and how that could help benefit Nikolai. It’s why their political engagement didn’t shock her too much when it was announced.

“One can choose to live for applause, or live for a cause,” Nikolai shrugged. “And I’d much rather do the latter.”

“And what’s the cause?” Y/n hesitated.

“Showering the darkness of this world with your light and your love,” Nikolai declared. “You make this world a better place just by being you, and we need more of that. I need more of that. Always.”

Nikolai cupped y/n’s face in his palms, his long fingers resting just below her temples on the side of her eyes. “But, I need you to know, that while I do reciprocate your feelings, and I do acknowledge how great of a Queen you’d make one day, should you choose to want that, that is by no means why I reciprocate your feelings,” he vowed. His eyes scanned Y/N’s face lovingly as he shook his head. “I confess I do not know the right words to express the depth of my feelings for you, but I have never loved anyone the way I love you,” Nikolai admitted.

Y/n let a single tear escape from her eyes as she smiled widely at Nikolai. “I believe you, Kolya,” she breathed out.

“What?” Nikolai exhaled, staring into y/n’s eyes as his thumb blindly wiped away her stray tear.

“You don’t need to prove anything to me,” y/n assured Nikolai. “I believe you”.

“And if I still wanted to?” Nikolai asked. He desperately desired to find a way to make Y/n feel as loved as she made him feel every day.

“What?” Y/n asked, echoing Nikolai’s response from just moments ago.

Nikolai dropped his head down to y/n’s level. “You are the sun rise after a cold, dark night. So comforting and so warm,” he whispered. “Seeing you doubt yourself because of your feelings for me truly wounded me. I never want you to feel that way again.” His warm breath hit y/n’s skin as he rested his forehead against hers. “It may not have been for more than a few days, but it’s been lonely without your rays my dear, and my body aches to be sun-kissed by your sweet sunny lips.”

Y/n shook her head with a giddy smile. She didn’t need Nikolai’s flowery words and declarations. She just needed him. And, she finally had him. She was finally going to be his and he’d finally be hers. “You don’t need to flatter me, Your Highness,” y/n stated with a playful wink. “You know you won my heart long ago.”

As Nikolai went to reply, he saw the way y/n’s eyes fluttered shut as she leaned forward. He grinned and closed his own eyes, hands never leaving her face as she closed the gap between their lips. Her smile twisted with his as they savored their first kiss.

As Nikolai and y/n reluctantly pulled apart for air, he smirked down at her. He was finally able to see and he was never going to let her out of his sight. If you closed your eyes and pictured the sun; that’s what it was like to love y/n; a burning yet comforting warmth. She was his sun and he would willingly go blind to everything else around them if it meant keeping her near him.

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[ticklishraspberries]

False Belief (Inej/Kaz)

Summary: Nina asks Kaz a question, and receives an inconslusive answer. Therefore, Inej investiages. (Written for Day #9, "Lie" of Tickletober!! Hope you enjoy!!)

It’s a rare night of calm at The Slat, the six of them sat around a table, drinking and relishing in a heist well done. It had been just a minor job, but even small victories deserve celebration, right?

Inej sits cross-legged on the bar, her braid loose and a gleaming smile. She nurses a glass in her hand, watching her friends fondly.

They’re all a few drinks in, and varying levels of intoxicated. Jesper and Wylan both are more drunk than just tipsy, and by some series of events, they’ve ended up on the floor.

Jesper is laughing maniacally as he tickles Wylan’s sides, leaving the merchant a giggling mess.

The others don’t pay them much mind, used to their sappy, public displays of affection. Kaz, trying to ignore them, starts talking to Inej about some political official he wanted her to keep an eye on when Nina interrupts.

She’s far from sober, flushed cheeks and giddy smile as she leans over the table and asks, “Are you ticklish, Kaz?”

Jesper has finally let Wylan breathe, and the sound of his panting is the only noise in the room. Kaz turns to her with an annoyed expression, but even he has indulged in more fun than usual this evening, and so the urge to hit her with his cane is severely dampened.

“Don’t be stupid,” he replies. “I grew out of that.”

Everyone looks expectantly between him and Nina.

“Well, his heartbeat stayed the same,” she says with a shrug. “He believes that’s the case.”

“Of course it’s the case,” he snaps. “Regardless, I’d kill you before you laid a hand on me, Zenik.”

Nina rolls her eyes. “Alright, Brekker, relax.” (She doesn’t mention that his heart indicates that his threat is, in fact, a lie. She’s oddly touched that he doesn’t hold much murderous rage towards her, deep down.)

Jesper laughs, stumbling back into his seat. “Don’t worry, boss. I’ll stick to tormenting Wylan,” he says with a wink.

“You do that,” Kaz says, aiming to sound grossed out and instead sounding just the tiniest bit amused, and maybe even a little bit fond.

The conversation shifts on, but Inej is still thinking about Nina’s words. She didn’t say that Kaz was telling the truth: She said that he believed it to be true. She supposes that makes sense—if you don’t know something to be true or false, then how could you lie about it?

As the night winds down, she watches as Kaz limps up the stairs to his room, his cane thudding with each step. It isn’t long before they all call it quits for the evening, and Inej returns to her own room, distracted from sleep by curiosity.

The last few months, Kaz has gotten better with the whole touch thing. Inej is proud of him, although he’d scoff at her if she voiced it out loud. They’ve held hands, hugged a few times, and even kissed on the lips once. It isn’t an easy journey, for either of them, but they’re working on it. She wonders if Kaz would let her touch him like that, to prove his answer.

She thinks about his smile, his laugh. How wonderful it would feel to be the cause of it, not just with her jokes but with her touch, an intimate and sacred thing that only she was allowed to do with him.

Inej falls asleep with a plan in mind.

***

Kaz is sitting at his desk, eyes fixed on the piles of paperwork before him. However, his mind is anywhere but, as it so often is when Inej sits on the sill of his window. Although she mostly stays quiet, her mere presence is distracting, but he assures her that it isn’t.

Now that they have made their first steps in touching one another, Kaz finds himself wanting it all the time. Even on days where the water creeps in, he longs to just get over it and embrace her, to find comfort in her embrace rather than be driven to panic by it. ‘One day,’ her voice whispers in his head, always kind, always understanding.

What is mainly distracting him today is the fact that she has a feather in her hands. It’s a costume feather, probably plucked off of one of Jesper’s ridiculous hats—a bright purple color, long and wispy, and she won’t stop twirling it in her fingers.

His gaze is pulled towards her, over and over again, and this time, she catches him, locking eyes. His ears burn. Inej grins.

“Are you sure I’m not bothering you?” she asks.

Kaz clears his throat. “Of course not.”

If Nina were here, she would call out his lie, but he suspects that Inej can tell, simply because she knows him so well. Lying is something Kaz prides himself on, knows he is good at, can’t afford to fuck up. Being a thief, a conman, whatever, means embellishing and omitting details, becoming another person, convincing even the smartest people of his tricks.

Inej sees right through his acts, and it should infuriate him, but it mostly makes him feel giddy. That Inej, sweet, darling Inej cares for him enough to look through the bullshit and see him. Not Dirtyhands, the Bastard of the Barrel, not even Kaz Brekker; Inej has found Kaz Rietveld, pulled him from the waves and reminded him of softness, of love.

He’s so lost in thought, blankly looking at his papers, that he doesn’t notice her hopping down from the window and making her way towards him. He only looks up when she climbs onto his desk, sitting beside him, long legs hanging over the edge, crossed at the ankles.

“You seem pretty distracted to me,” she says, smiling.

He leans back in his chair, looking up at her, returning her smile. “Perhaps I was lying.”

“Speaking of lies,” Inej says. “I’ve been wondering…”

“About?”

“What Nina asked last night.”

It isn’t the answer Kaz was expecting. Surprised, he blinks at her for a moment. “You heard her. I wasn’t lying.”

“Well, that’s not exactly what she said. She said you believed it to be true, so, maybe you just don’t know that you are. I mean, I doubt anyone has tried such a thing.”

He hates that she’s right. The question had taken him off guard when Nina posed it, but like all good liars and thieves, he’d told a smidgen of truth—he hadn’t experienced such affection since he was a child, so therefore, he had likely outgrown it. But now, with Inej’s proximity, her smile, her clear intent, he isn’t so sure.

Kaz looks down at his lap, willing the warmth in his cheeks to go away, when he feels something soft drag over his cheek, He jumps, eyes darting back to her and seeing that stupid purple feather in between her fingers.

“Why does this matter to you?” he asks, hoping to sound more annoyed than genuinely curious.

“Because I like hearing you laugh,” Inej responds simply.

And how is he supposed to say no to such a thing?

The feather dances over his jawline, beneath his chin, over the shell of his ear, and it doesn’t make him laugh, necessarily, but it turns him into a twitchy, smiling mess. He’s sure if she were to use her fingers, he would be a goner, but she’s testing her limits. He appreciates that.

“It seems like you were lying,” Inej says.

Kaz shrugs. “I suppose so.”

“You better hope Nina never asks you again, now that you know the truth.” Well, shit. He hadn’t thought of that. He can’t be bothered with that right now, because Inej has just found a sensitive spot near his collarbone that finally drew a giggle, and judging by the way her eyes light up, he was going to be there for a while longer.

[agaypanic]

can you do a reese imagine based off where he joins the army

Waiting For You (Reese Wilkerson X Reader)

Masterlist

Request Something!

Summary: You were so happy for the Wilkerson family when Malcolm found a way to prove his father’s innocence. Now you can put your complete focus and worry on your best friend Reese, who for all you know is dead.

***

You wanted to kill Malcolm when you found out about what he did. How could he be so selfish? So stupid? Because of him, Reese had run off to join the army under a false name and was probably dead. And there was nothing you could do about it. You were stuck at the Wilkerson’s, trying to help your best friend’s brothers keep the family together while they fell into ruin and insanity.

Well, more than they usually did.

Hal was being investigated by the FBI for something he was framed for; you didn’t really know the details. All you knew was that it led to Lois having some kind of mental break, and soon enough, the house was filled with pigs made out of milk jugs. Reese’s older brother Francis and his wife Piama had come up to help, and you had nothing going on, so you stayed with them to help keep the house in order.

With the rain came sunshine. Malcolm was able to prove his father’s innocence. Again, you didn’t know the details; you were just glad it happened. Lois became herself again, thank God, and was now determined to find her missing son.

So now, you waited. You still stayed with the Wilkersons; surprised your parents allowed it. They probably knew how distraught you were over Reese. You’d sleep in his bed, his scent giving you the hope that you’d wake up the next morning and he’d be there. But every morning, you’d be disappointed by the lack of him, and every day Reese’s scent would fade.

His being gone, and possibly dead, made you think about him more than you ever did. Reese’s absence made you realize just how big of a part he played in your life, and how much you missed and loved that part. 

“Guys, this might be your most disgusting idea ever.” You grimaced as you sat on the edge of a building, looking over a local art fair. Malcolm and Dewey had dragged you along to help them with their latest scheme. They wanted to honor Reese (you hated the wording, it made it sound like he was definitely dead) in a way that would reflect the way he lived his life. “Do you keep these in like a storage locker or something?”

Dropping Jamie’s diapers on unsuspecting people was certainly a way to honor Reese and how he lives, but that didn’t make it less disgusting.

“Come on, Y/n, get into the spirit.” Malcolm gestured for you to take one of the bombs in the bucket, but you refused. Realizing you wouldn’t budge, he threw a remote at you. “Fine, then you can drop them.” You groaned, wishing you could sulk in peace.

“Y/n, it’s what he would’ve wanted,” Dewey said, attaching a diaper to a balloon and letting it float away.

“Stop talking about him like he’s gone.” You scolded, pressing the button in anger. Below, people shouted in surprise and disgust. “He’s not gone. He… He just can’t be.” The boys muttered apologies. 

Soon you three got into a rhythm of sending off balloons and letting them drop, reminiscing on past things that Reese had pulled. It made you sadder talking about him in such a way. But thinking back on past memories brought a laugh out of you occasionally.

“As disgusting as this is, he would’ve loved this.” You said, pressing the button once again. Reese would’ve especially loved the screams.

“Yeah. I wish he was here to see this.” Malcolm said, staring off.

“Me too.” A voice cried out, one that you hadn’t heard today. In fact, you hadn’t heard that voice in weeks. The three of you whipped your heads around to look at Reese, standing just feet away from you.

“Reese!” His brothers yelled, abandoning their places on the edge to tackle him. He hugged them back, and they all exchanged words of love. It was a rare sight; usually they were at each other’s throats. You would’ve taken a picture for blackmail if you weren’t in such shock that your best friend, that had been missing for weeks, was right in front of you.

“Y/n, get over here.” Reese beckoned out to you, and his brothers separated from him for you to take their place. You had felt like you were stuck in your place, too shocked by Reese’s presence. But you broke out of the shock and ran to him.

You almost knocked him over but he stood his ground, wrapping his arms around you to steady you. Your grip almost crushed him out of both love and anger.

“You’re so stupid.” You said to him, forehead against his shoulder. He just laughed. “If a girl breaks your heart, you don’t join the army. You wallow in your feelings like everyone else.”

“I get it,” Reese said, stroking your hair. He hated that his brothers were seeing him like this, but he hated more that you were pissed at him.

“I was really worried.” You said meekly, gripping the back of his shirt. He just hugged you tighter. “I really missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

[scienter]

Wind and Truth Chapters 12 and 13 a.k.a. The week I realize that I don't wtf is going to happen.

Chapter 12:

“I was not with them. I did not know of their quest.” – From Knights of Wind and Truth, page 10

Oh, okay. So, the author is NOT Syl.

WHO THE FUCK WROTE THIS BOOK!?

“There was even a framed sketch of Teft by the wall, with a mug of sow’s milk in front of it.”

Aww. I’ll miss Teft in this book.

Interestingly, Bridge Four has two Truthwatchers in its membership: Rlain and Renarin.

They finally quieted. Kaladin searched among them Not Moash. He no longer missed Moash. Kaladin’s hatred had eased—he’d accepted there would always be those he couldn’t protect—but he had not given up his right to take Moash to task. Kaladin would see that Teft got a chance to spit on Moash in the afterlife, if such a thing actually existed.”

Thank God. Kaladin has finally joined Team Fuck Moash. I was tired of Kaladin missing/mourning his “best friend.” 🙄 Let's be honest: Moash was never Kaladin's best friend. Teft and Adolin were Kaladin's best friends.

“Sir?” Laran asked, earning a light smack on the back of the head from Lopen. “I mean, um, Kal? It sounds like you’re saying goodbye. Like… a long goodbye.” “I might be,” he admitted. “Wit says… well, it’s not important. Less than nine days left, and I don’t think any of us know for sure what happens then. So I wanted to leave you with some words… in case it’s a while.”

Kaladin is so fatalistic during these chapters – saying goodbye to everyone. Despite Dalinar asking Kaladin to be his heir I still worry. What’s with all these pointed goodbyes? Is this foreshadowing or a red herring?

Damn you, Brandon. Why are you doing this to us? What’s with these death flags? Is Kaladin dying? Taking Jezerian’s place as King of the Heralds? Or is Brandon just trying to keep us on our toes? I can’t tell.

Hugs and handshakes followed. “You take care,” Lyn whispered in his ear, “and don’t be too stupid.” “I’ll try,” he said.

Confession: I wish we could have seen their romance. I’m still a little salty that Brandon kept it offscreen. Lol

They went as he asked, returning to the bar for food and songs, until it was just Kaladin, Sigzil, Skar, and Lopen. “It was a good speech, Kal,” Sigzil told him. “Do you remember,” Kaladin said, with a smile, “when you were one of my biggest detractors?”

Oh, I remember. They were on Kaladin’s ass about everything in TWOK. Sigzil and Skar were worried Kaladin’s actions were going to get them killed or give them false hope. They were resigned to their fate as Bridgeman. Why fight when death was inevitable? It’s the same attitude Lirin has in ROW btw. And it's why I don't hate Lirin even though he was a son-of-a-bitch in ROW.

“You three,” Kaladin said, “are all that’s left of our original command structure. You… well, you are among the best friends I have. I wanted to say thank you. Lopen, for your enthusiasm. Skar, for your support. Sigzil, for your concern.”

I love Bridge 4. I hope this isn’t the last we see of them in this book/series. 🥺

“You were coming back. I… assumed that right up until just now. Is it true? Are you done?” “I don’t know,” Kaladin said. “But if I do come back, I get a feeling it will be different. They’re yours now, Sig. Lead them well.”

Different how? Therapist? King? Herald? All three? 🤔

Kaladin embraced them, and when he pulled away, Sigzil was crying. “Sir,” Sigzil said. “Kal. I… I don’t think I can do this. Lead them." “I can’t,” Sigzil said. “I’m not the man you are. I don’t belong here—not only in this position. I don’t know that I belong as a Radiant. I… I…”

I think Sigzil’s uneasy and insecure is because he’s in the wrong order, but he hasn't figured that out yet. When does he switch from Windrunners to Skybreakers? Will it be this book?

Chapter 13

“What are we doing?” Pattern asked. “Staring at the creationspren? I do like to stare. It makes me feel as if I have eyes.”

Oh, Pattern. I love you.

And Creationspren look like beads, huh? So, the ocean of beads in Shadesmar is just creationspren then? Was this already established in the previous books?

Sja-anat had been here. “You’ve been corrupted,” Shallan whispered. “The guards were supposed to watch for that. Protect you or raise a warning…” “We become something else. Not Odium. Not Honor. Free.” “I don’t know you,” the spren said. “You aren’t my friends; you are my oppressors. Now I find liberation. Go. We will transfer you, and will continue to do so for now. When the singers arrive, we will transfer them. This is liberation.”

Is this development good or bad?

Also, one of the epigraphs mentioned that spren aren’t so numerous anymore. Is this the reason why?

She lifted her arms to the sides, breathing it in—and out of nowhere a suit of red armor locked around her, forming out of mist. It crumpled—and even tore in places—her long coat. It encased her arms, pushed her satchel painfully into her ribs, and locked her head in a helmet, pressing her hair against her scalp and pulling at some of the strands.

Ohhh, Shallan has shardplate! Thank you for confirming that she’s obtained the Fourth Ideal, Brandon. I’d lost track of where she was in her oaths. lol

BTW – I love that Shallan has trouble getting the Shardplate to fit comfortably the first time she wears it. Her awkwardness is something I always liked about her character.  

AND FINALLY, KALADIN AND SYL REUNITE WITH SHALLAN AND ADOLIN!

Kaladin smiled. “I’m sure some Windrunners can be assigned to that. I’m… not going into battle anymore. Your father has another duty for me.” “Another duty?” Adolin said. “It can wait! There will be a meeting. We have to address this attack.” “I’m certain you will handle it well,” Kaladin said. He glanced at Syl, who nodded. “We’re going to Shinovar with Szeth to scout out what’s happening there, then hunt down Ishar the Herald.” “Kal,” Shallan said, “there might be battle coming. Bigger than any fight we’ve seen before, judging by this mobilization. We need every soldier. Surely if we talk to Dalinar, he’ll cancel your forced leave.” “He’s already offered to do that,” Kaladin said. “But I think… I’m needed more elsewhere. Or maybe Wit would say I need to be doing something else. It’s time for me to find another path, Shallan.” Adolin inspected him, thoughtful. “It’s all right,” Kaladin said, meeting her eyes, then Adolin’s. “I can’t explain it, but this is the path I have to take.”

Oh, wow. Kaladin’s sticking to his retirement from the military. GOOD. I’m interested in seeing Kaladin in non-combative situations. I’m eager to see who he is and what he can do outside of war. Whether he’s a therapist, diplomat, king – I’m ready to see Kaladin grow beyond the soldier who kicks ass and takes names. Kaladin is so much more than just a warrior.

Also, let's appraeciate Kaladin's growth here. There's an army headed towards his his friends/allies, but Kaladin is not jumping in to protect them. He knows they're capable of protect themselves.

“Kal?” Shallan said, raising her chin. “What’s that tone in your voice? Out with it.” “Wit made it sound like… well, he made me think I should see the people I care about before I leave. We never know what is going to happen tomorrow.”

Fucking hell. Brandon keeps teasing us with these death flags. JFC. Is it just me or is Brandon laying it on too thick? Like why does he want to keep us wondering whether Kaladin is going to make it? He’s usually not this obvious about killing characters, right? Is this foreshadowing or a red-herring? What game are you playing, Brandon?

I’m going to be neurotic about this until this book is released. Please, bear with me. 😩

Then, remarkably—even though she’d already hugged him—he awkwardly bent and gave her a hug. He followed it by hugging Adolin—and if she were the jealous type, she’d have noted that Adolin’s hug was longer than hers.

Kaladin hugged Adolin longer. 🥹

Of course, he did. Adolin is Kaladin’s best friend.

“If you’re ditching us now, Kal,” Adolin said, “then I’m taking it as a promise for later. The four of us.” He nodded to Syl. “Drinks, once this is done.” Shallan lingered a moment, then poked Kaladin in the side. “I refuse,” she told him, “to say goodbye.” “I’m… um, leaving anyway, Shallan.” “Leave, then,” she said. “But we started this. You and I. Radiants before anyone else.” “Except Jasnah. And maybe Lift. And perhaps—” “You and I,” she said, “were there at the start. We meet at the end, like Adolin said. When the world is safe, and Dalinar’s done what he needs to do, we can all laugh and joke again.” “Shallan, you have to—” “Promise.” He sighed. “I can’t promise what the future will be.” “Reality warps around you, Kaladin. It always has. Promise me. If there’s a promise, then we can make it happen.” He met her eyes, then nodded. “Drinks. Jokes. Laughter. At the end. I promise.”

Don’t make promises you don’t intend to keep, Brandon! I want to see the four of them having a drink together at the end of this story.

If the Hobbits can survive their trip to Mordor then my four beloved idiots can survive too.

 “I try to imagine myself with Shallan, and I can’t help thinking our individual neuroses would feed off one another in dangerous ways. My sadness fueling her feelings of abandonment when I retreat. Her self-destruction triggering my panic at being unable to help…”

Yeah, no shit. This is why I never shipped Kaladin & Shallan. They’d be a disaster. Sorry, shippers.

Dalinar wants me in the line of succession, Kaladin thought idly. What would that make me, Adolin, and Renarin? Brothers?Storms, from what he knew of lighteyed succession and genealogy… yes, they’d be brothers. Ever practical about such things, the Alethi made no distinction between adopted heirs and birthed heirs—just as being conquered by or settling in the kingdom made you Alethi subjects, regardless of heritage.

No, shit. Really!? So Dalinar was effectively asking Kaladin to be his son?🥹

My headcanon was that Dalinar & Kaladin have a father-son relationship. Don't you love it when you discover that your headcanon is actually canon?

OMG, Kaladin, you have to accept Dalinar’s offer! I love the idea of Kaladin being brothers with Adolin and Renarin.  

Question: Would that make Jasnah & Elhokar Kaladin’s cousins/step-siblings?

“You sound so final,” she said, hovering next to him. “All day you’ve had this feeling to you… even before we talked to Wit.” She drifted closer. “Is it the Wind?” “Partially,” he said. “But Syl… I find I’m not worried. We are going to survive this. No matter what Wit said.” He nodded firmly. “We’re going to have that drink with Adolin and Shallan.”

Brandon, seriously, don’t make promises you don’t intend to keep.

And please, no more fatalistic ruminations from Kaladin. I'm way too neurotic about it.

[lovexandxmadness]

@xkeptxgoing asked:that stripper trhead with tinny & crystal cuz y not. make it after rose complained about no strippers or smth idk ur better at this stuff

Tinny was a FREAKING. IDIOT. Yes, b'y, she was… What the Hell had she been thinking? Well, she knew what she wasn't thinking. She certainly wasn't thinking that she'd develop a stupid little schoolgirl crush on her newfound guardian, all because why? She was the first member of her entire family to ACTUALLY see past Tinny's problematic behaviors to a girl that just needed someone, ANYONE, to look at her and let her be vulnerable, irresponsible, and dependent for ONCE in her damn life… Like, who even falls for essentially their grandmother anyway? Even if they were closer in age to their uncle than their Poppy… Tinny would never live it down if Rose found out… Dammit, if only she’d known sooner… She wouldn't have even considered setting up THIS little mistake. It was meant to be a JOKE. -- A JOKE!! How was Tinny supposed to know Rose would ACTUALLY enjoy it? Yuck, b'y… And how was she supposed to predict this unshakable feeling of JEALOUSY & ANGER boiling up inside of her as she watched Crystal approach Rose with promises of a TANTALIZING NIGHT OF SEXUAL EXPLORATION…

Crystal hadn’t heard from the Doyles in a while. Not since that old mess with her mum and brothers… Had been for the best. They had… A LOT to figure out. Like, a lot, a lot. Two decades of misery, false imprisonment, guilt, grief & remorse… For the first time in twenty years, the Maher family were finally able to stand as ONE. And it was all thanks to the Doyles. So, of course, it was a no-brainer for her: OF COURSE she'd accept Tinny’s offer to show up at Mal & Rose’s AFTERPARTY to give the newly engaged couple one last flash of another girl’s tits before they took what little remained of their freedom & libido out back and SHOT IT. She’d have warned Rose that she’d never performed at an engagement or bachelor party of a groom-to-be who HADN’T since cheated on his wife. But, if Tinny’s heads-up was anything to go by, it was ironically ROSE that wanted a stripper at their little party, and MAL who had been against it. What did that say about Rose? Wasn’t her place to ask. Same reason it hadn’t been her place to question the SIX OR SO husbands she’d given lap dances to in the past.

A knock at the door and A VERY CONFUSED Des Courtney would answer to the sight of Crystal in daisy dukes, a tight red crop top torn at the chest, a leather jacket, black stockings, and black zip boots with thick, thick heels. A motorbike was parked outside and she was brandishing a PIZZA, promising dinner & a show. Des, naive as ever, let her in without question, prompting Mal to drag him by the ear out to the garage. “Oh, am I not welcome?” Shadowed eyes plucked up, turning to flutter heavy lashes toward Rose. “I got a call about making someone's LUCKY DAY EVEN LUCKIER; A send-off for their SEXUAL FREEDOM and all that?” The clack of chunky four-inch heels brought her closer to Rose. “I believe you're the lucky girl in question, no?” Foot lifted, perching on the sofa between the older woman’s denim-clad thighs. “But your husband-to-be…?” She trailed off, tossing her hair back like a model in a photo shoot, pushing out her chest. “Doesn't seem that happy to see me…” She leaned forward, dangling her tiny crop-top-clad chest in front of the pretty redhead. “That isn't going to be a problem… IS IT…?"

Yup. Tinny had DEFINITELY made a mistake… Just one glance had something TWISTING & CHURNING in her gut, had her smile flatten out, mischievous eyes growing cold and unerring, fixated on the two women as they talked, Crystal draping herself over Rose’s chair like, well, like a STRIPPER, which checked out as that was EXACTLY what Tinny had PAID HER to be. “Oh, b’y, and here's me thinking he’d loosen up when the time came. Maybe, we should call this off?” She was already reaching for her purse, for her payment, hoping, praying that Rose wouldn’t brush aside her concerns, or, worse… SEE THROUGH HER JEALOUS DISGUISE. “I just figured he was being cheap, oops.” Hands reached out to brace against Crystal’s bicep to try and COAX HER AWAY from her perch between Rose’s legs and Crystal’s brow furrowed. ‘Shouldn’t this be ‘tween Rose and Mal, to sort out?’ Ugh. Insufferable whore. Tinny’s eyes turned to Rose, hoping, pleading, for a miracle that Rose might just call this whole thing off. “Sure thing, b’y. Rose?” Could she sense the urgency in her tone? The pace of her breathing? The little bit of PANIC she was trying to squash with an iron will?

[yes-i-am-happyaspie]

The Hoax by happyaspie

No Archive Warnings Apply | Rated T | Chp. 1/? | No Powers AU, OOC May Parker, Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Happy Hogan, Ned Leeds. Warnings for Gaslighting and Emotional Manipulation.

Summary: Even after years of no evidence, Tony Stark refused to stop looking for his kidnapped son. Some people called it false hope, others called it fatherly love. But May Parker called it an opportunity.

“You and that kid share quite a few similarities, and the case has so little evidence. With your help, I really think we could use those things to our advantage.” Peter was dubious. “How, though?” he asked, his tone teetering toward sarcasm. It was a natural impulse that he couldn’t consistently avoid. No matter how hard he tried. “What do you want me to do? Knock on Tony Stark's front door and pretend to be Arno?” May said nothing as she stared at him from across the table. Initially, he didn’t understand. But as she elevated her eyebrows and tilted her head, it clicked. That was exactly what May wanted him to do.

[Exceprt Below the Cut]

Peter sat down at the kitchen table and twirled some spaghetti around his fork. Of all the things his Aunt May attempted to cook, pasta topped with a jar of tomato sauce and some cheap parmesan cheese was his favorite. He considered not mentioning his backpack had given up on him part way through the school day. He knew she’d be disappointed and didn't want to ruin the pleasant meal. However, no amount of pleasant conversation was going to make it any easier to get around his giant high school without a bag. He sighed nervously and glanced down at his plate. “I, uh, I need a new backpack,” he mumbled under his breath.

May brought her finger up to her ear and tapped it, her face one of disbelief. “Excuse me?” she questioned. “What was that?”

Peter swallowed hard and forced a smile. “I need a new backpack?” he repeated louder and with more clarity than before.

A huff of annoyance escaped May’s lips as she dropped her fork and crossed her arms over her chest. “I bought you one right at the beginning of the school year,” she replied.

“Yeah, but one of the seams ripped,” Peter attempted to defend, then pulled his lip between his teeth. May has asked him to quit the band, Academic Decathlon, and robotics club so he could get a part-time job. He’d easily complied, eager to contribute to the household income. Although he didn’t actually know how much he was actually helping. Each week he signed his check over to May, and she deposited it into her account. He never asked where it went after that. “If you would-” he began but quickly backtracked. “I mean, If I could just use a little bit of my paycheck from Delmar’s, maybe-”

“Peter. Sweetie,” May gently interjected. “You know that money is supposed to help us pay the bills. You don’t want to be the reason we can’t afford rent next month, do you?” she asked, her smile not quite meeting her eyes. “This neighborhood is expensive. Every little bit counts.”

“I don’t know. It’s a lot of books and stuff,” he unsurely replied. Even though his best friend was kind enough to allow him to use some of his locker space, Midtown was a specialized science and technology school. His schedule was rigorous and required a lot of materials. He wasn’t sure carrying everything around was all that reasonable.

“Don’t be selfish, Peter,” May mildly scolded. “There are only a few weeks of school left to go. You can get by with one of my reusable shopping bags until then.”

May was right. Peter knew she was right. There wasn't too much school left. Carrying his supplies around in a stupid cloth shopping bag wouldn’t kill him. Even if there were a handful of students who would never let him live it down. Starting with Flash Thompson. But he could handle that if it meant making things easier for his aunt. “Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m sorry. You’re right. It’s fine,” he swiftly agreed. He glanced at his half-eaten dinner and bit back a sigh. “May I be excused?”

[Continue Reading On AO3]

[lya-dustin]

Petals Consumed

For the spring @hotd-bigbang with the image prompt below: Cherry Tree/Cherry Blossoms

Some angsty Rhaecole/Rhaenyra x Criston Cole that takes place in my Aemma Velaryon fics (except shock and delight) particularly Someone Will Remember Us. Setting wise its a year into Rhaenyra and Laenor’s marriage since Aemma was born exactly 9 months into their marriage.

Title inspired by a sonnet of Pablo Neruda from his book of 100 love sonnets

Please don't ask for a word count i measure my fics with my heart not numbers.

There is a cherry tree in the gardens, it wasn’t meant to be there, fruit trees were meant for the kitchen gardens and the hothouses, but someone many decades or a century ago had eaten the fruit and left the seeds to their fate.

It had grown, just as the castle and their house had done. Gone from the Aegonfort to the Red Keep, from three siblings to a family with all its troubles.

Rhaenyra knows who comes here even if the sound of his boots and armor would make him blend in with the rest of the Kingsguard.

“Your highness.” Criston speaks quietly, shame heavy in his words and yet there was something there that tied them back to their shared past.

“Ser Criston.” Rhaenyra doesn’t look at him, the events of last night had her wondering how it all came to that.

She had feared he’d hurt her sweet little Aemma for what she did to him. To think she was so quick to misjudge the man she once trusted enough to give herself to.

“I apologize for my behavior last night, I assure you it was never my intention to scare you or have you believe I would hurt your child.” He apologizes, not the false and forced things he does when he is caught by Ser Harold, but the genuine things that came easy to them before.

“I should be the one apologizing, I cruelly misjudged you when I know you are not the sort of man to hurt a child.” She misses him, as shameful as it was. She had cared for him, perhaps not loved him like she loved Daemon, but Criston still had a place in her heart that couldn’t be so easily removed no matter how sweet Harwin Strong is to her. “For that and all the pain I have caused you, I am sorry.”

His silence is enough to have the Princess of Dragonstone break her resolve to shit the door completely and turns around.

There is no forgiveness, at least not one spoken, but her white knight’s face says it all.

He is in disbelief of her words, forgetting the spoiled princess was more a shield she hid under and not the real woman he knew.

She still loves him, loves him in the mix of something between both lover ---as a terrible idea it had been then and remained now--- and her friend.

He looks as handsome as he did that first time she brought him here, a spring just like this one where there was only laughter and joy and sense of understanding built on knowing they will never see you as one of them.

She had many companions and only a handful she’d consider a friend and now those two Rhaenyra had called her friends had become her enemies. Rhaenyra had underestimated the venomous hold Ser Otto had on his daughter whom he had sold like a whore to her father and she had overestimated the passion and love Criston once held for her.

In Alicent’s case she had hoped her reason would prevail, in Criston she had hoped reason would fail. Rhaenyra had managed to hurt them so much they now wanted to usurp her with Aegon.

There is no going back now, it was stupid of her to think he would forgive her even if the became strangers from now on.

“I will go, I will not force you to forgive me, Ser Criston, I know your forgiveness is undeserved.” It hurts, as all injuries do, but she cannot make peace and move on with her life without apologizing to him.

She supposed Laenor’s aunt, Septa Teora, knew what she was talking about when they spoke about it yesterday morning during their walk together.

One day she may apologize to Alicent, but Rhaenyra doesn’t know when will Alicent allow her to speak to her alone.

The princess takes her leave and just as she is about to shut the door forever, Criston stops her, his hold on her wrist firm and gentle and before they knew it, his lips were crashing onto hers with all the pain and love and hate and sweetness only kisses in mummer’s tales have.

There is no forgiveness, especially when she takes Harwin as her lover to hide the fact Jacaerys was conceived that morning under the cherry tree.

[fangirlwriting-stories]

Before I Go

Summary: Remus doesn't have a lot of time left, but he wants to give living his best shot anyway, and that includes fixing things with someone he never thought he'd see again.

Author's Note: Hi, yeah, if you couldn't tell from the death and noncon tags, this isn't exactly going to be a happy one. No false pretenses here, characters will die, nothing is fixed except for the things the characters fix themselves with their bare hands. That is not to say there is no hope involved, this is a story by me after all, but don't expect all good feelings from the ending.

Honestly I blame Rent. I saw Rent for the first time and it fucked. me. up. (positive), so I had to make my own catharsis. If you're looking for something to be mad at, be mad at the Rent musical. It's not my fault. Except for all of the ways that it totally is.

Anyway enjoy!

AO3 Link

Chapter One:

It is 3:00 on a Wednesday morning and Remus is hacking blood into the sink.  Janus woke up when he leapt out of bed and followed him into the bathroom, and is now rubbing his back, obviously just as exhausted as Remus is.  He has told Remus to shut up the few times that he’s actually tried to apologize, so even if Remus could speak around the blood coming out of his mouth, he wouldn’t say anything.  Or maybe he’d say “I love you.”  Because he does, he loves Janus so much sometimes it hurts almost as much as the actual physical pain that’s coming with the stupid blood he’s coughing up.

He manages a couple gasping breaths in between coughs, but he’s still weak in the knees by the time everything stops and he’s leaning his weight on the edge of the sink.

“Everything done coming out?” Janus murmurs from behind him.

“Never,” Remus says weakly.  “I’m gay, Janus.”

“Not at three in the goddamn morning, Remus,” Janus says, reaching out and pulling Remus’ arm over his shoulder.  He leads him to the toilet and helps him sit down, then heads back to the cabinet under the sink and pulls out disposable gloves and a washcloth.

He spends the next ten minutes wiping the blood from Remus’ mouth like he’s a toddler who got mush all over his face, and Remus is too exhausted to even feel embarrassed.  Finally, Janus helps him up and supports them both back over to the bed, then heads over to the other side of the room and grabs the bucket they’ve kept here since the coughing up blood started.  He sets it on the nightstand next to Remus and climbs into bed, immediately wrapping his arms around Remus from behind and starting to run a hand through his hair.

“I love you,” Remus murmurs, not having the strength to turn around.  Janus just hums in acknowledgement and replies “Go to sleep, Remus,” sounding halfway there himself.

Remus, however, lays there with his eyes open, despite the exhaustion begging him to shut his eyes.

This isn’t the first time he’s woken up in the middle of the night to cough up blood.  It is, however, becoming more common, and Remus is beginning to dread the day he’ll have to move into a hospital full time.  The idea is nauseating for more reasons than the actual nausea in his stomach.  Hospitals mean round-the-clock care from nurses who won’t stop looking at him like dying is his fault.  It means restricted access to Janus.  It means he’s that much closer to actual death.

And yes, he and Janus had agreed to focus on something else until it’s impossible to do so.  Remus doesn’t want to wander around like he’s already a ghost.  He wants to continue living while he’s still around to do it.  They cook fancy dinners and Remus writes songs, writes stories, kisses Janus until he can’t breathe.  They go to bars and drag shows and spray paint slogans on the side of the highway.  Remus refuses to die before he’s dead.

But this is the third time this month he’s coughed up blood, and one of these days he’s going to ruin the sheets.

Remus pulls himself gently out of Janus’ arms, and shushes him with gentle reassurances when Janus shifts and starts to wake up again.

Thankfully, Janus is tired enough to fall back asleep.  Remus looks down at him for a second before heading out of the bedroom, through the hallway, past the living room, and into the kitchen of their tiny ass apartment.

He picks up the phone and stands for a minute, listening to the dial tone as he catches his breath from the short walk from the bedroom.  Finally, he dials, pushing and pulling his finger in and out of the wound up cord as he does.  It’s only as he hits the last number that he remembers it’s three in the morning, but he also doesn’t care.

The phone rings four times, and Remus has almost resigned himself to leaving a “see ya, I’m dying” voicemail when someone picks up.

…

Roman hadn’t been excited to be woken up by a phone going off in the middle of the night since it had meant a snow day, but tonight was an especially bad one.  He was laying in bed in the t-shirt and boxers he’d pulled on in order to not have to sleep naked, curled up on the opposite side of the mattress from Clarissa.  He’d wanted to wait to process thoughts until he could get up and shower the next morning and shove all of last night into a box in the back of his head.

But then he was woken up by the ringing phone, and he groaned, rolled over in bed and buried his head back in the pillow.

“I’ve got it,” said Clarissa, who was much more awake than he was at any time of day.  She climbed out of bed and walked towards the kitchen, leaving the bedroom door open in her wake.

Roman vaguely heard her say something about “what is the meaning of this do you know what time it is” before he slipped back into sleep.

Unfortunately, it seemed Clarissa wasn’t able to handle it, because suddenly Roman was waking up again to her shaking his shoulder.

Roman jerked upright into a sloppy resemblance of a seating position and looked blearily at Clarissa.  Her mouth was pressed tight into a line and her face showed barely concealed disgust.  Roman was about to ask her what was the matter and why she looked like that, but then she answered both questions at once.

“It’s your brother,” she said, pointing behind her back towards the kitchen.

Roman blinked a couple of times, trying to make sense of her sentence.  “Calling at three in the morning?” he managed.

Clarissa just nodded, lips pursed.

Roman shook his head a couple times to try and wake himself up, then pulled himself out from under the covers, headed out through the living room and over towards the kitchen.  If it was Remus, and Clarissa hadn’t hung up on him as soon as she realized, that meant it was bad.

Roman picked up the phone from where it had been laid on the counter and put it up to his ear.  “Remus?”

“Roman, hey,” Remus said.  His voice sounded rough, like he’d swallowed sandpaper, which, knowing Remus, was very possible.

“Remus,” Roman repeated, trying to gather up some sort of disgust or anger in case Clarissa was listening from the other room.  It wasn’t that hard, it was the middle of the night and Remus had called him out of nowhere.  “What the hell are you calling me for?”

Remus was silent for a second, which was so unusual that Roman looked down at the phone, almost concerned.  “Remus?”

“So uh,” Remus said, and suddenly his voice sounded weak, which was definitely not like Remus, and now Roman was actually concerned.  “You know how you always said being openly gay was gonna get me killed one day?”

“What?”

“Well, you were, um, you were right.  Just… not in the way you thought.”

Roman gripped the phone tighter.  “Remus, what’s going on?”

Remus was quiet for another moment.

“…I’m dying,” he whispered finally.

Roman squeezed the phone so hard he heard it squeak in his hand.  “When?”

“Couple months, probably.”

Neither of them said anything for a minute, instead standing there listening to each other breathe through the phone.

“Roman?” Remus said finally, and Roman hated the shake he heard in his voice.

“Yeah?” Roman whispered.

“Can you come here?  Please?”

“Where are you?” Roman said before he really thought it through.

“New York.”

Roman huffed a laugh.  “Yeah.  Yeah, that… that makes sense.”

“I’ll give you the address.”

Roman grabbed a pen and paper and wrote it down as Remus said it to him.  “I’ll be there as soon as I can,” he said.  “Probably later this week.”

“Thanks,” Remus said, and his voice was still shaking and Roman wanted it to stop.

“Remus,” Roman said, but stopped after that when he realized he didn’t have anything else to say.

Remus was quiet for a minute, then seemed to realize this too.  “I’ll see you,” he said, and hung up.

Roman pressed the phone to his forehead and listened to the dial tone.

“You’re going?”

Roman squeezed his eyes shut without moving.  “He’s my brother, Clarissa.”

“Since when?”

“I don’t know,” Roman said.  He’d say something about ‘since now, since he just told me he was dying,’ but that would be a lie, because Roman was pretty sure Remus had never stopped being his brother.  No matter what he’d said to their parents.

“Roman,” Clarissa said, and Roman heard her footsteps walking forward and he did not want her to touch him right now.

He turned and walked quickly past her, back towards their bedroom.

“Roman!” Clarissa said, starting after him.

Roman went straight for their closet and pulled out a suitcase, then dragged it over to their dresser and pulled open drawers, starting to shove clothing inside.

Clarissa’s voice came from the doorway a second later.  “Roman, I think you’re being a little ridiculous.”

“I’m being ridiculous?” Roman snapped, turning to glare at Clarissa, which seemed to surprise her.

She recovered quickly.  “Yes!  You’re rushing off like it’s the end of the world!”

“He’s dying, Clarissa,” Roman said, standing and realizing in a way he often didn’t that he was several inches taller than her.

Clarissa rolled her eyes.  “Well, whose fault is that?”

Roman’s eyes widened slightly, though he wasn’t actually that surprised.  He still didn’t say anything though, just stared at Clarissa for a couple seconds.

Eventually, she seemed to find it a little uncomfortable, and took a step back.  “What, am I wrong?” she asked, trying to glare up at Roman and falling short.

Roman just looked at her for another second.  “Shame on you,” he said quietly, and this time Clarissa’s eyes widened in what was an obvious shock.

Roman turned and started packing again.

...

Chapter Two

[awmancreeper]

ミ★Just Say You Love me </3 . 22 - His Sky

--★ Kai’s friends roast him for not being in a relationship since he was 12. While Y/n tries to avoid getting into a relationship every week. One day Kai spots a familiar girl hiding in a tree finding out she was hiding from her 2nd confession that week. After hearing the university’s IT girl struggles Hyuka comes up with a plan.

Masterlist / prev / next

!!Written Parts!!

He sat on the floor across the large rabbit plush that lay on his couch. Kai admired the cuteness of the soft plush. ‘How can something be so adorable?’ he thought smiling at it, it was gifted to him from y/n when he went to the amusement park with her a couple of days ago.

Y/n, the girl that had captured the boy's mind since the first time he’s ever seen her. Kai’s smile grew at the thought of you, realizing you were a lot like the plush. Soft, cuddly, and cute. He laughed at that and reached out for the stuffy but just like the stuffy he had forced you to buy it.

Kai’s hand froze his smile fell soon after. He had forced you to buy the plush.

“Oh come on it’s cute” kai gushed holding the molang stuffy close to him “it is but it’s too expensive,” you told him but he shoved the soft bunny in your face causing you to laugh. “I would’ve bought it for myself but I kinda spent all my money” he grumbled looking at the delicate necklace that sat on your neck. You huffed “fine I’ll buy it, but-“

He stood frozen thinking, you are a lot like this plush; forced on him by himself. Soon the butterflies Kai felt turned into an aching pain that traveled to his heart. He hugged his knees and stared at the bunny.

Kai felt dumb for being happy about a fake relationship, felt selfish for acting like he didn’t have alternative motives. He felt ignorant for thinking it could be more. He was your friend after all, he knew your perspective on love. You found it embarrassing and even felt emphatic towards those who fell for it.

The last month you’ve spent together started to feel stupid to him, you ranted to him because you knew no matter how hard of a wall you put up he’d always seem to crack it or at least looked over it. Kai knew you only saw him as a good friend even though he craved more.

Although you were just friends, that didn’t stop his heart from skipping a beat when he heard you laugh, or his cheeks heat up when you tease him, or the sworn of butterflies he gets from you just calling his name. You really were like the sky to him, out of his reach.

The room around him felt dark and lonely as he continued to stare at the plush when his phone rang from across the room. His body twitched to retrieve it but he didn’t move. It’s like he was waiting for this stuffed animal to move; afraid if he looked away he’d miss it. Was he really that stupid to think you’d fall for him, I mean Kai’s known you since the beginning of high school but to you, you met in your second year of university. Why would you ever pay attention to him, and why start now? Thoughts began to override Kai’s mind as his phone kept buzzing.

Would you ever fall for someone like him? His heart ached while he stood up walking over to the couch. Kai picked up the stuffy gripping it in his hand. He felt guilty for how angry he felt towards the plush. It wasn’t the bunny’s fault Kai had false hope for you.

He walked over to a built-in cupboard where he stored extra blankets and shoved the stuffy into it not wanting to see it any longer. It was symbolic to him, resembling his feelings, it was better to hide them so that way they won’t bother him. Out of sight, out of mind. He closed the cupboard door when another phone buzz brought Kai back.

The tall boy walked over to his phone and his heart jumped.

Snookums 💫🌷(I DID IT)

5 iMessages

Why does his heart get so excited for you? He looked back over at the closet, was it wrong that he wanted to be more? Was a simple cupboard strong enough to hold back his feeling? For some reason, Kai wanted to find out.

[willkatfanfromasia]

A Matter of Chance - 7

Aditha’s mind reacted to the sound of metal and the consequent cry.

He pushed the door open and his eyes wildly looked around hoping to help “Is everything alright? I heard something fall, then you screamed!! Are you hurt?”

Two pairs of widened eyes and agape lips stared at each other incredulously. 

Aditha was the first to calm down, seeing as Nandini wasn’t hurt.

Nandini didn’t know what was more shocking – the way he barged into her home or the fact that he’d spent several hours waiting outside

“Oh Krishna, he’s only become more stubborn with age “she thought.

She began rising even as every part of her body rebelled “Thank you for your concern, your highness but I’m quite capable of— Ohh!

The spilt water had trailed to the sides and Nandini, in her haste to drive away Aditha, had slipped.

Her muscles stiffened and one arm reached the bedside table….

But that’s not what prevented her fall.

Aditha’s quick reflexes proved themselves utile yet again, but this time they came with a flood wave of emotions.

Nandini’s fright made her instinctively wind herself around him.  Both were relieved at the lack of injuries.

Along with it came the realization- of being able to feel each other’s breathing on their face.

It rekindled some fond memories, that Nandini found extremely distracting in the present.

He placed her carefully on the mattress and began touching her ankle to see if anything was amiss. She wished to yell at him to stop, to cease this impropriety!

However, the treacherous part of her brain (seemingly louder these days) told her to enjoy the feeling for it has reappeared after so many years

“His family threw me out!?”

“Because they knew how much he loved you”

“His sister is a bully who mistreated me”

“Her brother listened to you more, dummy”

“The Empress exiled me”

“Because she knew Aditha’s intentions were honorable and he wished for you to be his consort”

Woah! This part of her brain seemed more desperate to be permanently lodged in Aditha’s embrace than to support its master.

Nandini felt a sense of euphoria everytime he held her...

As he helped her on and off his horse

When he held her as she exited the pond after a dip

When they snuggled in the woods

She relished every bit of it. Education and society taught her that such feelings were sinful in a girl and must be ignored

But how could she? It was the only balm to her soul.

It soothed her insecurities and aided her dreams.

Is it wrong for an orphan to wish for a love match?

Is it sinful for a devout girl like her to desire the love of a boy?

Is it truly so impossible for someone like her to attain riches, respect and power.

Why mustn’t she desire it? Surely if anyone deserves it, after being abandoned after birth and living a humble life in the Lord’s service- then it must be her, thought Nandini.

She was beautiful, intelligent …. and her ambition didn’t mean that her love of God is false. She would sniff out the intentions of courtiers and chieftains to protect her beloved! She would take no other side but his

Surely Krishna wouldn’t give her so beautiful a gift only to snatch it (without ever returning it)?

Idle time lying on the bed made Nandini revisit her past ideas.

“Stupid girl, such grand dreams for a girl wanted by no one. To be queen! To become Aditha’s greatest strength!

Him and his family evidently have no use of you!” She grimaced.

Being bedridden came with a lot of free time- for Nandini it came with the opportunity to dwell on 2 things- past heartache and  Aditha.

The scars, fine lines and sun burn from years at war somehow made him more infuriatingly handsome.

Awful man!

 She was usually out of breath with one chore or another. Her mind used this free time to burden her with memories and thoughts she’d rather avoid.

The man she loathed tending to her injuries didn’t make things easier.

That battle hardened face was now regaining the 'sweet puppy' look she found hard to resist, much to her annoyance.

Aditha was extremely caring for a prince. He laid down rags to soak the spillage, washed and refilled the jugs with clean water and found the herbal salve (with her guidance) for her legs and back.

He plopped down on a bolster and began fanning her when she finally began “Thank you for helping me. I feel much better now. I wouldn’t want to take up anymore of your time “

His eyebrows rose quizzically. “Nandini, you have every reason to dislike my company. But don’t be petty, you can’t even move! And you can’t fool me, you already seemed unwell before you slipped”

“Living here alone can’t be easy, I will leave soon so allow me to make amends by helping you – for the sake of our friendship “He hoped she wouldn’t notice his sneaky maneuver.

So annoying, she thought.

 Aditha always had a way of guessing her emotions – even though she never expressed much as a child.

This was Nandini, the queen of sneakiness, she noticed every intention glisten in his eyes. “Smarmy man, he thinks I won’t notice “she almost rolled her eyes “He’s caused me enough trouble- I’ve lived a rough life because of him! I might as well put him to good use and save my breath” she thought.

She thought she was so much smarter than him. But it was the 'Aditha-desperate' part of her brain that won this round.

(😉🌝)

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