#I guess this is what happens when you don’t get any validation as a child except for being a good student lol

[serdtse]

//

[vendetta-if]

Hey, sorry, that ask about whether Yvette’s interested in reconnecting because MC looks like Viktor sounds kind of creepy now that I think more about it. I meant, does she want to reconnect because she genuinely wants to have a relationship with MC as their own person, or because she views MC as a memento of Viktor (and what her relationship with Viktor could have been)? Or does she think that, by building a relationship with MC, that it’s almost like repairing her relationship with Viktor? I guess what I’m asking is, does she see MC as a person or more like a symbol or a keepsake or something like that?

Haha no worries! 😊 When I first read your first ask, I did kinda get what you were trying to say but it’s nice that you clarified it 😁

As for the potential interpretations you listed above, they are all valid observations! And it’s one aspect of MC’s and Yvette’s relationship that I don’t think I’ve read a lot of people talk/comment about.

I do think that Yvette sees MC as their own person rather than simply being a memento/keepsake of her time with Viktor. But at the same time, it’s undeniable that there’s a part of her that can’t help but think of Viktor and what could’ve been when looking at MC.

As for her intention behind trying to reconnect… I don’t think even Yvette knows the exact answer herself, to be honest—or maybe she’s in denial, who knows 😆 Of course, she likes to think that she wants to actually build a relationship with MC without any ulterior motives on her part.

What she knows is that her life has been feeling pretty empty for quite some years now and the loneliness—and guilt over abandoning MC—are getting to her more and more every day. And now, faced with a very real and possible mortal peril, it’s enough to give her the final push and courage to try be in her child’s life now… Perhaps it’s too late for her to step up as a mother, but she’ll happily settle as a friend.

Maybe it also happens that repairing her relationship with MC is the only chance for her to experience a mere fraction of the happy life Viktor once promised her and probably fill the emptiness in her heart. Is it so wrong? Is she being selfish? She doesn’t like to think too much about it…

[twisted-wonderland-but-gayer]

Just thought up the other potential reactions from the g7 counterparts:

Alice would be curious, as always, of yuu because she’s never seen the queen of hearts just being patient-ish with someone. Also yuu is definitely much more normal (somewhat) unlike the rest of wonderland’s residents. She asks a lot of questions like child simba but because she just wants to know how and why this happened? Depending on the yuu, she might look up to them? Although that depends on who someone wants to characterize them.

Like you said, Ursula would try to keep yuu away from ariel but I think the same goes for king triton. So either they meet up by accident or one of them sneaks away to meet the other. Once they do finally meet, ariel wants to know all about yuu and but also probably asks them about human stuff (depending on how old she is). Yuu and ariel end up sharing stories for the whole time till they’re found. She might try to introduce them to the rest of the family, but probably doesn’t really go far intimately. They might eventually open up, but it either takes a lot of time and they don’t really have full trust or it just doesn’t happen at all. Is that cousin that you only see every other holiday at grandma’s house but despite that you guys are like best friends.

Like Snow, don’t got a lot of thoughts on aurora. I think she would just kinda neutral meeting yuu, honestly the whole interaction is her being just chill while talking to them. Depending on the relationship between she and maleficent is, Maleficent might introduce yuu to aurora herself or just kinda keeps an eye on them while they interact. The fairies absolutely distrust yuu and don’t want them anywhere near aurora.

Aladdin doesn’t trust yuu at all 100%, same goes with jasmine. He won’t be outright rude, but definitely goes out of his way to avoid them or keep any interactions short. Although does keep an eye on them to see how they interact with jafar. He would probably one of the last people they interact with and is either formally introduced to them through Hercules, Snow, or Aurora. He joins in on any antics that might happen but when alone with yuu, both are just sitting there awkwardly. Kinda like a going out friend and their friend you don’t really know and your friend left so you’re both waiting in silence for them to get back. If yuu and aladdin eventually get along, he’s that friend thats message you or you message to see if they want to go on a 3am mcdonalds run and than hang out in a walmarts parking lot afterwards.

And completely fair on misreading the first ask, I probably would’ve if I didn’t send it. Also sorry if I don’t got the characterizations right, it’s been a long time since I watched any classic Disney movie that wasn’t aristocats or robin hood.

I love Aladdin and Jasmin having beef with like 13 year old and is like "we don't trust you!!" "Damn what did I do???"

I feel like Ariels would be the most interesting. The two sneak out together realize who each other are and have conversations comparing things.

"You're never allowed to go to the surface?"

"It's dangerous, father says."

"Humans aren't so bad... besides doesn't your father also say I'm dangerous cause of my mother?"

"I guess so yeah..."

"Mom says to stay away from your side of the family, cause women there are only ever seen and not heard and he did bad stuff to my mom too. Maybe, you should start questioning him"

Hercules is just "don't you fucking try anything" and Meg is like "OK that's valid but after working with Hades I can tell you the kid is cool" and now Hades is trying to be the cool cousin

Aurora and Yuu should be like siblings change my mind.

Also rip Alice. "How are you the queens child??" "Idk bro I fell from the sky and she was like "oh cool" and now I'm royalty.

[mioyeo]

Watch your back : chapter 1

Once you don’t value what you have someone else learns how to take care of what used to be yours

Synopsis : 8 men supposed to give her all the love they promised end up leaving her behind without a valid reason

Pairing : girlfriend Reader x PolyAteez !

Warnings : this chapter contains mentions of, mean Ateez , neglecting , poor behavior, a lot of crying , being stood up, being left out , broken promises , heartbreak, etc Please reminding me if I forgot something

This series is going to be posted together with the Psychiatric series, which means one chapter after another

Word count : 1,1k

She walked slowly towards the kitchen carefully to not make any noises , that could wake up the boys who where sleeping peacefully with their new girl

Everything was going way to fast for Y/n to comprehend what was happening lately

The girl opened the fridge pulling out her mini water bottle and drank it feeling at ease as the cold liquid poured down her hot throat

Closing up the bottle she sat down on the kitchen counter to relax the body that unknowingly tensed up

She hugged herself and teared up at the memories invading her mind again

Why can't you be like her ? She's not clingy and annoying like you are

You need to give us some space too stop being a nuisance and find yourself something else to do other than bothering me

It was never her intention to bother San that day , all she ever wanted was for him to help her with the groceries since nobody else was home at the time she arrived

Whenever she cooked she had to eat it on her own, but when one of her boyfriends made it or bough it there was never enough left for her

Guys dinner is ready please come eat it before it gets cold !

No one responded to her so she went up to knock on the door where noises came from that seemed like people laughing

Guys dinner is ready let's go eat-

We already ate outside after school so you can have dinner by yourself

Oh ok , I guess I'll eat by myself than

It was painful for her sometimes to revive everything again

She walked down the hall entering the kitchen where she saw everyone eating and chatting as they had fun

Im sorry im late , whats today's dinner ?

It was take out , since you where sleeping we didn't order for you

Her stomach growled signaling her that she was hungry

It's ok I'll just eat bread or something

She stood up and took a bottle of actimel from the fridge and went back towards Yunho's bedroom that she shared with him currently

She wiped her tears only for them to fall again after today's event

Guys the new Spider-Man movie came out and I got us tickets

Being a huge fan of  Marvel films in general Y/n got exited and jumped around like a child who just got a huge bar of candy for dessert

But the excitement died down when they arrived at the cinema

Ok we all are sharing a row together since we have the numbers 451 to 458

She frowned seeing her ticket , it said 578

Seonghwa, but my ticket says 578 so that means I'm not sharing a seat beside you guys

Yeah that seat is at the far back , it's ok that means you don't have to share your popcorn or drink with anyone consider yourself lucky

She wasn't going to consider herself lucky, she loved to share the snacks with them and loved the feeling of their hands touching when they grabbed into the bowl at the same time

As they got inside she went to her seat where nobody else was beside her just the pure darkness surrounding the girl

They all giggled and chatted not even paying attention to the movie, she wished she could be beside one of them but someone else was already getting the affection she wanted

She wiped the tears and tried to concentrate on the movie, but that didn't work as they all stood up and left her there to go somewhere

The girl knew why they where leaving so she didn't even want to go home at this point to have to hear them do it

She only waited some more hours for the film to end so she could finally go home

There was nothing more than just her being the other girlfriend at this point

She put her drink back inside the fridge but stopped when she heard someone waddle towards her direction tiredly

" Honey? Why are you still awake ? "

It was Hongjoong who than tiredly wrapped his hands around her neck

" I just couldn't sleep so I came for a quick drink, let's get you back to bed "

" Come back to bed with me please "

He whined humming into her neck

" But I'm supposed to share with Yunho "

" Please , I didn't get to see you today "

She sighed and helped him walk towards his room where he laid down making grabby hands for her to hold him

" You shouldn't overwork yourself Joong , you know how much I detest to see you tired "

He wasn't sleeping enough due to him composing music all the time at night

" Mhm I'll stop , I'm sorry for worrying you "

" You always say that but you never do , it honestly upsets and makes me doubt you "

" I'm sorry for not taking care of myself like I should, I just love music that I tend to forget about the real world sometimes "

" I know Joong but please get some rest today "

" Don't worry I'll try at least "

" Promise me ? "

" I promise, love "

The elder kissed her and fell back asleep into her warm soft embrace

She caressed his hair knowing he promised a lot of things he couldn't keep , he'd probably just end up yelling at her like he always did and crawl back to her crying wanting to try again

Y/n knew her boyfriends more than they knew themselves , that's just how they were

When he was asleep she slowly got out of bed to return into her shared room with Yunho but someone already took her place

Sighing she went back into the living room and slept there on the couch with her blanket instead not wanting to disturb the others

She closed her eyes tiredly and let herself get taken slowly into dreamland

School was the only thing that worried her , the way they would ignore her again till they come home or exclude her from their lunch table since there wasn't "enough" space for her

She feared that Seonghwa would forget her in the rain again , Mingi pretending not to know her in science class , San and Wooyoung go rough on her at PE again , Jongho preferring someone else as his singing partner even tho they were assigned together, Yunho letting the girls from his class flirt with him again , Yeosang being mean to her , and Hongjoong tell her to stop caring about him at school

These where just simple actions in their eyes but it hurt her a lot to the point she'd want to give up on them , but she loved them a lot

[sweetsmalldog]

SVSSS Liveblog Volume 1 Chapter 4

Honestly getting into a novel you hate because the monsters are cool is valid as hell

Him not eating when Binghe is gone is such a bad sign, he’s not gonna eat after he pushes Binghe into the abyss is he?

“I don’t want to throw him into the Abyss but I also don’t want to die” is good motivation

I know Binghe was twirling his hair thinking about the conference like “I’m going to win the whole thing and Shizun will see how strong I am”

Pretty art!!! Also blatantly pinning Binghe!!!

Shen Qingqiu, internally: right for his future harem Binghe: Looking at him like that

In my heart Binghe has a little diary where he writes Shen Qingqiu’s name surrounded by hearts and plans their wedding and combines their last names and stuff

Them flying on their swords is really cool

“Your spoiled what’s next snacks” “That’s a great idea Binghe do you have any snacks”

He is spoiled and pampered tho <3 he’s got that Princess privilege as the rightful sole future love interest, the protagonist’s most favorite and specialist guy

“Don’t thirst after my disciple” He is gay if that helps

“Of course they don’t want me watching how could I forget” meanwhile Binghe is jealous as hell

This Palace Master is going to come back later isn’t he

Not him bemoaning that fact that Luo Binghe is being kind when it prevents him from showing off

Not the foot fetish material!

He doesn’t care about looking at them in the water because he’s only got eyes for you dude!! You’re the love interest now they’re just randos! You got promoted and they got demoted

Why is “now the threesome scene can’t happen in the future” your reaction to children dying?

Only Luo Binghe can’t be killed, I get thinking “They’ll probably be fine” but that’s been stated a couple of times. Luo Binghe is safe the rest of y’all should learn to protect yourselves tho

Maybe now isn’t the time to mention it but I had a platonic crush on the girl from The Ring as a child

Local man understandably not ready to see teens murdered by monsters

“You can’t go there’s a chance your powers will stop working and you’ll be murdered” “well I’ll for sure die if I don’t do anything so I’m going”

Heads growing spider legs is actual nightmare fuel

Binghe just wants to heal him :((

The Abyss is open

Also PRETTY ART!!! And a new hot man!!

… And Shang Qinghua I guess

Listen I’m far more interested in the new beautiful man who just showed up then the traitor peak lord

He’s supposed to be evil Binghe’s right hand… I mean pretty privilege is a thing and if anyone deserves it…

Listen I’m aroace not blind

Shhh let him show up early ya know for the “plot”

His sword broke :( I know he’s supposed to get a new cooler one but the swords here are cool

“Aw shit I wasn’t demon racist and now it’s biting me in the ass”

Also this hurts

:((((( BINGHE!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOO

I can’t even fully appreciated the art because I’m pain

How it started:

How it’s Going:

Not everyone thinking he’s dead ;-;

I’m gonna take a minute no one talk to me

Him forgetting Binghe is gone ;—;

And he’s unwilling to admit how much he missed him sir your repression is showing

HIM MOURNING BINGHE’S INNOCENCE AND YOUTH I’M GONNA CRY-

Heart break points ;-;

This motherfucker’s the author, Shen Qingqiu kill

I hope Mr. Masturbation fucking dies I’m so upset

Shen Qingqiu kill this man and my life is yours

[valewritessss]

Growing up as an only child people would always like talking to me and say I’m nice and generous then when they found out that I’m an only child they’d tell me “oh so you’re spoiled and don’t know how to share?”. And it was always so frustrating because why would I be spoiled? Yes both of my parents attention was only on me but they raised me right? And I’ve met people that are spoiled and not brats, like spoiled brat and spoiled are two different things.

And I love sharing and always have bc I never had anyone to share with so I like letting other people use my stuff. One of my friends that I did so many things for all of middle school (I gave her homework answers, pencils, erasers, bandaids, some of my lunch, gum, etc) told me that I don’t know how to share because I’m an only child. We’re not friends anymore because at one point she started rushing me to do my work so she could copy and she would not let me concentrate and she wouldn’t copy my shit while I was doing it and then she’d get mad at me because she was failing. But anyway, I was a little mad because you KNOW me, but you’re just gonna say that because why, exactly? It was like people were always telling me what I should be like and telling me that I don’t understand any childhood experiences.

And then I get told I must not know how to compromise just because I’m an only child? Like what? I will do anything to please you so what the hell are you talking about.

And people go on rants saying that parents need to start having more than two children because they hate only children. I’ve seen this so many times and it makes me a little sad because my parents tried, okay? Generalizing is not cool. They’ll hate only children just because they had a bad experience with someone that happened to be an only child. And then I’ll make friends with someone and when they find out I’m an only child they’ll tell me they never would’ve guessed because they hate only children. Thanks, I guess?

“You must not have a very good family bond” uhh why? My cousins are the closest thing I ever had as siblings growing up and I genuinely don’t understand when they would say this because it doesn’t mean I can’t bond with people my age.

“You probably get everything you want” i was told this just because I bought a new notebook when my old one ran out of pages. Again, what is the thought process here because it’s not like I can ask for anything and get it just because I’m the only kid my parents have.

I would say I’m lonely and want a sister and people would get straight up mad at me. “No you don’t you’re lucky” and you think there aren’t things I want that you have too? I literally feel so alone 24/7 but I guess I’m not allowed to feel that because at least I get privacy.

They also always assume I’m rich. I am very much not rich and I did have friends that lived in bigger houses and it made me so insecure about mine. Idk what it is about assuming only children are rich. I wish being an only child came with that bc then I’d never complain again. But unfortunately it doesn’t work like that.

Anyways. This was a random rant. I just remembered that I would get so frustrated because I would literally cry from the fact that I didn’t have a best friend or someone like a sibling to talk to, and then I’d be told my feelings weren’t valid. I know this is such a non issue, but just sharing I guess.

[circus4apsycho8]

Hello! I love your blog so I wanted to make this request for Ninjago!!

I was wondering if you could write a scenario for each ninja were they have an older sister reader where the reader is reflecting on hard times from the past and the ninjas are there to comfort their older sister and just a bunch of sibling fluff!!( Also is it alright if you do Kai and Nya together so they both can have an older sister cuz some writers do them separately!!!) No rush take all the time you need 🩷🩷🩷

𝚊/𝚗: 𝚘𝚏 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚎! 𝚒 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚊 𝚘𝚏 𝚋𝚒𝚐 𝚜𝚒𝚜 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛 :))))) 𝚒 𝚑𝚘𝚙𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚎𝚗𝚓𝚘𝚢!

older sister!reader scenarios w/ the ninja

𝚔𝚊𝚒 & 𝚗𝚢𝚊

You’re happy that your parents are back. You really are. 

So, why does it feel like you’re lying to yourself? 

You find yourself alone in the Bounty early one morning - just before training. The others have yet to wake, leaving you to the quiet and your thoughts. 

A stab of guilt courses throughout your heart as you think about your parents - both safe at Four Weapons. You, Kai, and Nya would be stopping to visit them in a day or so. And part of you is…what? Apathetic? Is that how you’re feeling?

When your parents had disappeared all those years ago, they had left you to look after both your siblings and the shop - hardly a burden a child should have to bear. But you did. Many nights, away from Kai and Nya’s prying little ears you would silently cry - mourning their disappearance, wondering if they’d ever be back. With the stress of it all piling on, you had hoped and hoped for them to return. 

But they never did. 

And so it continued - the stress, the chores, the ongoing lack of money, the burden of raising your siblings. It sucked every ounce out of you, and a side of you had been angry. Angry that your childhood had been snatched away overnight. 

Are you just taking it out on them? Are those feelings finally resurfacing for you to sort through? 

Conflict gnaws away at your insides as sneaky footsteps pad in your direction. A creak in the wood catches your attention as you snap your head in the noise’s direction. 

“Woah! Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” Kai notes, grinning apologetically as he sits down a few feet away. Nya follows suit, the three of you sitting cross-legged in a triangle shape. 

“You just look kind of down,” Nya admits, folding her hands together. “Is everything okay?” 

You sigh, glancing over the horizon. “Yes…well, I don’t really know.” 

“It’s about Mom and Dad, isn’t it?” Kai prompts. 

With a sigh, you nod in response. “Yeah.” 

“We haven’t really gotten the chance to talk about it,” Nya notes. “And a lot’s happened.” 

“Are you guys…happy?” you wonder. 

“I am,” Kai admits. “Uh…but I’m also kind of nervous, if that makes any sense?” 

“Me too,” Nya adds. “I just…I don’t know what they’re going to be like, or how they’re going to act, or how I should act…” 

“It’s certainly going to take some adjusting to have them around,” you muse. “But I guess I’m in about the same boat. Happy, but conflicted all the same. And I’m beginning to understand why, I think. Because…well, of course I can empathize with their situation. I get that it wasn’t their fault. But, at the same time, I still can’t help but be angry. I don’t know…it’s just a lot. And with Sensei gone, it makes it more difficult for me to process.” 

“I know…and it happened so fast, too,” Nya replies. “It was hard to process all at once. And I think that any feelings you might have are valid.” 

Kai nods, his eyes blazing with that comfortingly familiar determination. “Just know that we’re with you. We’ll tackle this together, like we always do.” 

You grin, a tear running down your cheek as you shift to your knees, scooting towards your siblings so that you can bring them both in for a hug. 

“I love you two so much,” you mumble, voice breaking slightly. “Never forget that.” 

𝚓𝚊𝚢

“No way.” 

“Yes way,” Jay counters, chuckling as he dangles a key from between his fingers, smirking at you before going to unlock the door to the giant mansion before you – the mansion that apparently belonged to your biological father. 

Sure enough, the door swings open, allowing the two of you to slip through. Jay makes for the light switch while you’re left gawking at the interior. 

“Fritz Donnegan? What?” you mumble, staring at a giant statue of the character. 

“Our dad played Fritz Donnegan!” Jay chatters excitedly, beckoning you closer to him. You frown at that title – dad. Cliff Gordon? Your true father? It doesn’t stick well with you just yet. While they aren’t your biological parents, Ed and Edna would forever be your mom and dad. Not some egotistical, womanizing actor who hadn’t bothered to make contact with either of you. 

Regardless, you make your way over to your little brother, arms folded as you watch him move a golden trophy. To your surprise, it opens a secret room. 

“Isn’t this just the coolest thing?!” Jay chirps, rushing inside. “Our dad has a secret room!” 

You sigh, unable to prevent yourself from smiling at your brother’s excitement. At least he’s happy. 

“Yeah...it’s cool, I guess,” you mumble, glancing around. “Wow, he actually kept up with us?” 

“Yeah, he did,” Jay answers as the two of you study the section of the wall filled with pinned pictures and articles featuring you and Jay. “I guess he cared at least a little bit.” 

You remain silent, turning away from the wall as a newfound bitterness wells within your chest. 

“Hey...what’s wrong?” 

“I...I don’t know,” you confess, sitting down on the floor with a sigh. Jay sits a few feet away from you, a toy gun in his hand. “It just...doesn’t feel real. Or right, for the matter. I mean...we’re his kids, but he didn’t even want to meet us. Well, I-I get that having kids isn’t for everyone, and still we don’t know what happened between him and our biological mom, but still.” 

“I understand,” Jay agrees, twirling the toy in his hands. “I mean...I didn’t have much time to process it either, what with the threat we had been facing at the time. But this doesn’t have to change the fact that Ed and Edna are the ones who raised us. We don’t have to stop calling them Mom and Dad because of this.” 

You pause momentarily, pondering Jay’s words before nodding. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. Thanks, Jay.” 

“Anytime,” he replies, aiming the toy gun at you before pulling the trigger. You squeal, expecting to be hit by foam dart or something. “Haha! Got you!” 

You frown, glancing at the fake gun only to find that there’s a flag with the word “Zap!” printed on it. 

“Jay...” you growl, sitting up slightly. 

“Ah!” he shrieks as you promptly tackle him.

𝚌𝚘𝚕𝚎

“No. Nope. Not happening. We will steal that cup before I have to deal with him again,” you spit, stomping out of the brig. 

“Wait, why?” Kai wonders, the others glancing among themselves in confusion. 

Cole sighs, holding his hands up to the rest of the team before following you out. “Hold on, let me talk to her.” 

You hear this, sighing in irritation as you make your way outside of the Bounty. “Are you seriously willing to put up with Dad’s shit just to get the Blade Cup when we can just steal it? We won’t risk our cover that way either!” 

“Okay, wait, just slow down,” Cole encourages. You twirl to face him, crossing your arms as you glare at him. “Trust me when I say that I don’t want to face Dad either.” 

“Great. We’ll steal it tonight and be on our way.” 

“But I don’t want to exactly steal it either,” Cole adds. 

“Cole, we’re talking the Great Devourer here. You know - massive snake that will consume all of Ninjago. I think I’m willing to break a few locks rather than risk the entirety of mankind, thank you.” 

“I agree, but I think there’s something else we should both consider,” he starts tentatively. You clench your jaw, hoping he doesn’t bring up what you think he will. “I know that we’re not on good terms with him right now. But...people can change-” 

“No,” you decline, stepping back. “Lou won’t ever change. He’s got his head so far up his ass that he refuses to confront reality. He’ll just force his kids to do it instead!” 

“That was then!” Cole counters, voice still calm. “We don’t know the person that he is now. Don’t you think that Mom would have wanted us to give him another chance?” 

“Mom is dead,” you hiss. “And she would have been mad at how he handled her death.” 

A heavy silence drapes across the two of you as you find yourself tearing up, averting your gaze from your little brother. 

“I...you know I’m not denying that, right? I’m not saying that your points are wrong, because they’re not. We have a reason to be mad with him. But...all I’m saying is that we just give him a last chance. We can keep our cover going, or we can tell him who we really are, but...I don’t think it’s right just to avoid him now. If we see that he hasn’t changed...then we can just cut him out completely.” 

You stare absentmindedly out towards the sunset, contemplating Cole’s words. Part of you doesn’t know if you’re ready to see Lou again, but...the other half of you knows that Cole is right. 

Closing your eyes, you nod. “Okay. Okay. You’re right. But...if it goes downhill...” 

“We won’t talk to him again,” Cole assures. “Sound doable?” 

“I think so,” you reply, smiling sadly at him. Cole quietly comes over to you, offering you a hug which you accept. 

“We’re not going to let him walk over us again,” he mumbles. 

“I know. I know. I just...” you trail off, unsure of how to phrase your feelings as he hugs you. 

“We’ll figure it out,” he replies. “We always do, don’t we?”

𝚣𝚊𝚗𝚎 

Your fingers absentmindedly trace patterns within the snow topping the earth, eyes lingering on the tombstone jutting from the ground. 

It’s been months since your father died, leaving you feeling lost and with a newfound little brother whom you’d met at his funeral. 

Tears sting at your eyes as you close them, wishing you had found Julien earlier. Why did he have to pass so quickly? He was a good man, and you were only just beginning to reconnect with him after being separated for a few years. 

Your thoughts are interrupted by the crunching of snow behind you. After taking a moment to wipe your tears, you turn around. 

“Oh,” you say, spotting Zane standing a few feet away from you. “Hi, Zane.” 

“Good afternoon,” he greets quietly, coming to sit beside you. For a moment, the two of you are simply quiet, both working through your own thoughts. “I thought you had left for college?” 

“I’m about to,” you explain, gaze downcast. “I just...needed to say goodbye, I think.” 

“I understand,” Zane answers. “Our team is preparing to take another mission, so I know I will not be able to visit for quite some time.” 

You nod, biting your lip as a tear falls from your cheek. “I miss him, Zane.” 

Zane turns to look at you, eyes furrowed and expression sharing your pain. “As do I.” 

“I wish he was still here,” you admit. “I just...how do I know that I’m taking the right path if he isn’t here to guide us?” 

“There is one fact I know for certain: he would be proud of us no matter the path we choose,” he states. “He would be so happy to see you beginning your new life.” 

You smile softly, nodding in agreement. “Yeah. You’re right. And he would be proud of you, too.”

𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚢𝚍

You can’t believe that woman has the audacity to show herself to the two of you. Your glare is stuck on Misako for a moment before you spin, immediately making your way out of the area. 

Thankfully, Lloyd seems to be on the same page because he follows you through the twisted halls of the museum, both silent as you stew in your anger. Soon enough, the two of you find a secluded spot to sit at. 

“After all this time...” you trail off, exhaling sharply as you shake your head. “Now she’s showing her face. Can you believe it?” 

“No...no, I can’t,” Lloyd answers, sitting down next to the bottomless pit. “Why now? And not when we needed her?” 

“And especially after Dad tried so hard to keep us together! She just cast us aside at some random school. For what? To get rid of us?” 

“Who knows,” Lloyd responds as you sit next to him. You remain silent, biting your lip to prevent your voice from shaking. 

Even without words, Lloyd understands that you’re upset. He simply lays his head on your shoulder, the two of you thinking in silent support of each other. 

“What do you think we should do?” Lloyd wonders after a few minutes, pulling away slightly. 

“I honestly don’t know,” you admit, shaking your head as you stare at the depths of the pit. 

“Well...whatever you decide to do, just know I believe in you,” he adds. 

You smile softly, ruffling his hair. “Thanks, kiddo.”

[ask-the-critters-survival-au]

Static crawls out from the monitor... and reaches out not just to the three who carry it... but a certain pink child as well.

“I… normally make it a rule to wait to send another message until my last one was received… but I do not have patience to wait that long sadly. It is… Children, while this message is intended for all of you, this is to address Picky’s claim that and I quote here, “They. Were never. My friends. Not DogDay. Not Hoppy. Not Bobby, not Crafty, NONE OF THEM. They made that clear when they all left me behind.”... I apologize for recording your voice without permission, child, it was the only way I could think of to get around the others not being able to hear you. As for your statement itself… Well let’s break it down shall we?”

“Dogday- I have already covered where he is. Being tortured without his lower half being hanged off of a wall while surrounded by little critters that have proven themselves to be quite capable of crawling inside of Dogday and puppering his still breathing body around while nibbling at his insides. I didn’t wish to share that final detail, but you're starting to force my hand. He is currently WORSE OFF then if he would have been running away and abandoning you all. With how you talk about him… shouldn’t you be happy Catnap is doing such a thing to him?”

“Hoppy… well of course not now you're trying to eat her. But never your friend? Never? You could have said no longer my friend but instead something as strong as never? Child… that kind of line comes from someone who values that friendship greatly and from a perceived betrayal hard commits the other way. I do not know why Hoppy chose to leave you other than the very valid- and you must agree this is a valid reason, “Catnap is a Psychopath”. And then there's another question… once you took Hoppy’s foot you didn’t chase her. You let her go instead of even trying to stop her… You only started hunting her when you had the bond forged by my deals… but why didn’t you try beforehand? Your care for her twisted into a reason of “Food for later” or “I’m already eating”... instead of chasing the bigger meal?”

“Bobby… again I don’t wish to speak for her when she’s listening to this but… I can put two and two together Picky. Do you know about Crafty’s hands child? Recently through another random memory share (Yes that is happening and I have no idea why children I am sorry for that), the memory of Crafty bothering Catnap aggressively for more red paint to draw with before Catnap pins her, which was honestly valid, and then rips off her hands, which was just really fucked up. Can you not tell me that Bobby would not take Crafty away from Catnap who disabled her? To keep her safe from that?”

“As much as you claim that the others left you behind, does this not paint a different picture? Does this not say something else child? Then let’s go further with those who do stay by you.”

“Bubba is insane and needs very real help he cannot get because the prototype does not allow you all to leave. Depending on how far he’s degraded… does he really have a rational choice to leave you? If he left it wouldn't be because he truly wanted to but some insane whim.”

“Kickin is… a can of worms we haven’t even begun to get at. We haven’t seen him enough to make any guesses as to why he stays. Could be fear… or his care being stronger than fear. I will point out that I do find it incredibly strange he isn’t dead. You said earlier that the only reason Catnap didn’t fully kill Kickin, only horribly mutilated him for going into the playhouse, was because he was still useful… How? Objectively how does Kickin have value- how does Bubba have value and use? Both of them are from what we have seen potentially more problems than their worth and two more mouths to feed.”

“Why do you keep them alive, and why does Catnap keep them alive? Catnap is… complicated. He joined in on the hour… which was justified if not too overboard with killing the innocents and especially killing the kids, either by actually harming them or dooming them to die of starvation down here. Failed to kill Leith Pierre and probably a few of the people behind the experiments, that sucks. Then helped the prototype keep you all trapped down here! Helped keep you all starving! Helped keep you all in torment even while he for some reason doesn’t have the heart to kill anyone!”

“It’s not black and white Picky. The situation is complicated. The emotions are complicated. And that and the following goes to the other three listening to this as well. It’s okay if your feelings are confused. It’s okay to both love and hate someone at the same time. It’s okay to feel betrayed even after all of that was explained. It’s okay to be paranoid about being hurt again, especially in this situation… but please don’t ignore this. Don’t just hide that with rage and lies.”

“Picky… I hate to say this with the others listening but… if you're really going to commit to this, commit to murdering them… do it for the real emotions you have. Don’t lie and make excuses. Be real with yourself at least okay? Even if you hate feeling that way… even if you’re scared to feel that way… those emotions are valid, and hating feeling those emotions are valid.”

“Make the choice you want to make with no regrets, child. Disregard food, because I can make that no issue. Disregard Catnap, for he deserves nothing from you. Disregard the current hunt and petty reasons that don't truly matter.”

“Do you want this child? To permanently lose those three bonds that maybe someday could be mended anew… by your own hands?”

“Until next time children… please all of you, be safe.”

(Breaking one of my rules for this but that last answer made me have FEELINGS I needed to share. Hope your having a great day Mod! Remember the hydrate!)

SHUT UP! shut up shut up shut up shut up SHUT UP!

Um…Are you going through something?

I don’t get it. We never left her behind. We told her she could come but she said no. I mean…that’s what Hoppy told us.

Haha…yeah.

[Mod note: Thank you for reminding me! I tend to forget drinking water is a thing I need to do to survive 😅]

[rozcdust]

Mockingbird

Pairing: Shinichiro Sano x F!Reader

Genre: Crack, fluff

Word count: 1.1k

Warnings: Canon divergent, OOC, mentions of child neglect

You were born rotten, but he had a chance.

pt. 1 | previous | playlist

Shinichiro sat down cross legged as he worked, wiping the sweat off his forehead with his forearm, biting his lip nervously.

He was worried about you.

He hadn’t seen you in a week, not so long of a time, but still long enough that he was starting to miss you, even if you gave him a valid reason for your absence with a polite apology.

You didn’t go into too many details, but apparently, it was a mix of working two jobs and something happened with your father and your brother that you had to sort out, and while Shinichiro understood, it still made him feel both anxious and boiling with rage.

Shitty parents could mean a lot of different things for a lot of different people, but for you to move out and take a kid with you at 18, he assumed it must have been bad. You didn’t speak of your childhood often, but you have told him that much.

He admired you for it, honestly. It was something he himself would have never done if he had any choices, even if he was in a similar situation to your own, he still had his grandpa to help.

To raise a kid all by yourself seemed terrifying to him.

Shinichiro got broken out of his thoughts, flinching at the feeling of a soft kiss on the back of his neck, managing to hit his head on the hand clutch of the motorcycle he was fixing.

He relaxed when he heard your soft laugh behind him, turning to glance, mildly annoyed, at your sugar sweet, smug expression.

“I guess we’re even now when it comes to sneaking up factor.”

“How are we even? I got hurt both times!” Pouting, he perked up when you leaned down and kissed the spot that he managed to bump, leaning into your touch as your palm gently pressed against his cheek.

He jumped when the realisation of his appearance hit him, rushing to the sink in the corner of his shop to wash away the grease, glancing at you in surprise.

“What are you even doing here? I don’t look presentable in the slightest.”

You rolled your eyes, sighing as you leaned on one of the fixed motorcycles, arms crossed and eyes sparking in amusement.

“I came here to teach your brother muay thai, but Mansaku said he hasn’t come back from school yet.”

Shinichiro’s mouth formed an ‘O’ as he nodded in understanding, drying off his hands on a shockingly clean towel considering the state of the place.

You almost wrinkled your nose, used to cold and clinical cleanliness both in your own home and in the workplace, but then again, could you judge?

Your job is to repeatedly stab people for a living, his is to fix bikes and cars.

He pulled you out of your thoughts as his arms wrapped around your waist, shyly and slowly, as he nuzzled his nose into your cheek, planting a kiss there.

“Missed you.” He smiled, politely batting his eyelashes like a puppy begging for a treat.

You raised an eyebrow.

“What do you want?”

“Another kiss, maybe some attention.”

You snorted, shaking your head at his antics as one of your hands sneaked around his neck, the other on his cheek, gazing up at his eyes lovingly.

“And if I say no?” You raised an eyebrow, leaning in so close he could feel your breath against his lips, a flush spilling across his cheeks to the tip of his ears as he felt his heart start thumping harder.

“I’ll cry.”

“Then cry, I like my men a little pathetic.”

“Mean.”

You chuckled as your lips grazed his, his hands tightening around your waist, pulling you in closer.

You leaned your forehead against his, smiling contently, your tone filled with affection and adoration as you said the next sentence.

“Now get away from me, you’re fucking filthy.”

He let out an offended huff, stepping away from you.

“Well I’m sorry, not all of us can work looking pristine.”

“Wow baby, so sensitive, so easy to offend! You’re like a kitten, how’d you become a gang leader with that attitude?”

He frowned, arms crossed as he turned his head to the side, feigning hurt.

“I can’t believe my own girlfriend is insulting me.”

“Who else will?”

“Everyone.”

Laughing, you stepped towards him, placing a tender kiss on his neck, a gesture that had his heart racing and head spinning.

“Well, at least they won’t in gangs anymore. You’re my bitch now.”

Shinichiro grinned.

“Yes, I am!”

“The fact you say that so proudly is concerning.” Izana’s voice called out from the entrance to the shop, and both of you turned your heads to look at him, Shinichiro’s face heating up and red, a soft smile playing on yours.

“Hi, sweet boy! How was school?”

Izana’s eyes widened at the nickname, but he didn’t protest.

“It was okay, I got a B in maths.”

You grinned, walking towards him to actually ruffle his hair this time, planting a kiss on his forehead.

He leaned into your touch, enjoying the small gesture.

“Good job baby! That is amazing, maths is hard, you’re so smart!”

The teen perked up at the praise, his chest puffing up with pride slightly as Shinichiro rolled his eyes behind you, but smiled.

Izana had plenty of self-esteem issues, stemming from a shitty childhood and being a teenager by itself, so your praise meant a lot to him, and Shin knew it.

For someone as brutal and cold as you were at first sight, you were shockingly gentle when you needed to be, and Shinichiro’s heart swelled the last time when he saw how good you were with Emma and Izana, both children taking a liking to you almost immediately, and it clearly had more behind it than you just being cool.

They both had a neglectful, cold mother that abandoned them and spat in their faces that she never even gave a shit about them, and of course it left issues in both children, especially since they were both so young, leaving them with a tendency to latch onto any ounce of affection or praise, and you had a peculiar energy to you, one that was genuine and kind, as warm and soothing as a safety blanket both of them were drawn to, even if you were barely any older than Izana.

Shinichiro was sure Mikey will love you as soon as meets you too.

“We’ll go train now? Kakucho will join us, he just went in to say hi to everyone. ‘Jiro was supposed to be here too, but he’s doing God knows what now.”

“Deal! Let me just change out of these clothes, your brother got motor oil all over them.”

Izana leaned over you to throw a glare at his brother, his brows furrowing.

“Grandpa will hear about this.”

. . . next

🔖Taglist (open):

@1818cigarettes @nana-phobia @dilf-city @wakasa-wifey @rinsie @kisekihany @missarabellla @bajifairyy @cryszus @r-xochitl @levistiddies @graythecoffeebean @yukihime-mikeys-girl @mukounisuru-gashadokuro @sunahyejin @yamaguccitadashi @minoozi @trashmemebitch @frogtits1 @sup-zfam @whydohumansss @xashiui @bontens-whore @nqctre @lumi-does-some-stuff @hana-patata @hxked @erza-uzumaki @sh4nn @sisnot @soushswag @kneeapartman @anahryal @reiners-milkbiddies @satsuri3su @aretheea @bluerskiees @galactict3a @bontensbabygirl @somniari-94 @astropheia @rgtgt @bubble-dream-inc @princesshaitani @luvjiro @inurmom00 @secretanimesimp @sweeneyblue1 @ameliabs-world @levii-s

[starsinkpop]

what do you think if theres blogs that are not only deeply obsessing with finding out ateez members exact fs but they also discussing their potential body parts. I tried telling them how weird and gross it was of them but they tell me I was taking it too far. what the fuck? am sorry but this kpop tarot thing is what is taking ppls obsession with idols fs too far. its bordering on creepy rn and its not just one blog theres like several of them that mainly focus on idols fs.

some blogs be claiming they dont dig too much but then they still think it ok to even discuss idols sexuality or some other aspect of their personal life.

i’m not really on that side of tumblr or social media so i can’t really say much about it. i have clear boundaries. im fine with certain readings about ateez’s fs but i wouldn’t do more readings than i have online right now. we already know more than enough. i keep getting a crazy amount of asks in my inbox of people trying to fit especially san’s fs aspects. i’m deleting all of them because none of those people reading my stuff and also myself will be their fs. some people really need to touch some grass. when i see certain physical traits in a reading i point them out, however i focus on personality only. what’s bothering me is how almost everyone on here in my inbox assumes that the members are straight. making their fs a girl at all times. we don’t know their sexuality and it’s quite frankly none of our business. we don’t know if their straight or part of the lgbtq+ community. this is why i keep my readings gender neutral because we don’t know shit.

now in general i don’t want to spread any negativity because life itself is already a big struggle for most of us. i want my blog to be a place where people could just entertain themselves for a bit and. so i won’t say anything about other readers because i honestly just can’t. like i said, im not on that side of tumblr. i get your point but you have to remember you’re telling me this, im a kpop (well just ateez) tarot reader myself and i’ve done reading about their fs too so 🤷‍♀️🤣 like i said, i have my boundaries with readings, won’t do any sexual readings and i don’t focus on looks. being someone who was crazily sexualized since being a child, i really hate this side of any fandom. there’s too many obsessions going on. you wanna know what happened when i saw the most recent pool pics of the members, especially san and woo? as a gym girly i was like “woah i really need to know their routine so i can shape my body like theirs” i can just admire them. viewers here are a little too delulu and have a hard time sticking to reality and form an own opinion it feels like. and I’m sure some readers feed into that. it’s giving you a ton of likes and if that’s their main purpose for posting i guess i get it. that doesn’t mean i’m okay with that but i know many people need validation like that. whenever there’s people coming up and officially date like twice’s jihyo for example i always feel really warm around my heart. gives me the feeling they can still have a bit of a normal life.

i don’t really have anything else to say and only repeat myself. i don’t know if i’m the right person to talk to about that, i do readings and did fs readings like what you just complaint about, but i have boundaries and know what’s reality. none of us will be with any of them, ever and viewers should stop honestly believing “omg XYs fs is like this and that, i’m just like that it has to be me they have to do more detailed readings so i can make it fit for myself”.

on another note, and this is in no means anything bad or hate whatsoever, i love getting asks from you but those long asks are sometimes a bit much because im not your diary, love 🤣 no hate. but it just felt like a rant and i do really like rants but my inbox is maybe not the best place for that because i don’t want to spam any of my followers page with that you know?

edit: you can still send me longer asks, but please try fitting the stuff you want to say into one ask and not three or more 💖

[velvette3]

Draft #2

WARNINGS: long post, rant post, mentions of sh and suicide, and a lot of other things, personal rant(s), LIKE REALLY LONG POST, please do not read unless you think you are comfortable with repetition, and idk what else. I am a warning in itself.

(4/2/24) (mentions of sh and suicide)

It’s 1:38 in the morning. I don’t really know anymore. I’m just so worried I won’t amount to anything. My stepsister has always been better than me at everything. I still remember my middle school and high school years when I heard my mother and step-father talking shit about their kids, about my step-brothers. But I hardly ever heard them utter a bad word about my step-sister. I became something I didn’t want to be in my high school years, in hopes I could live up to my sister, hoping maybe it would make sure I wasn’t the next kid they talked shit about.

I already knew at the time that they didn’t really take me seriously back then. Not when it came to my morals anyways.

At times when one or the other was driving, I would have to text the other. And that was when visiting my father was mandatory. So every once in awhile, the message would pop up “you pick up the brat yet?”

I know they never meant it in that way. At least I hoped not. But honestly being someone I wasn’t, and being someone I’m not still, to this day, it sucks. I hate having to pretend to my parents, even to this day, despite my independence. I’m just so worried about acceptance, that I find it hard to face them. I fear telling my parents (on both sides) anything.

Mainly, because when they first found out about the self harm in middle school, it was a difficult situation. They said they wanted to help me. And then they took me to a therapist for a total of three-five times before they said ‘this isn’t working fast enough’ and pulled me out of it. I was always scared of being yelled at when I made mistakes. That lead to me fearing ever telling my parents anything, including my own emotions.

For a long time, once I finally lived with my mother again, I never saw her cry. I only ever saw her angry, or happy. But I never saw her sad. That made me think that being sad wasn’t normal, or that, I shouldn’t be sad about anything because she wasn’t. The reason she hid any of her sadness was because she didn’t want her own child worrying about her.

But her hiding her own emotions from me made me feel like I had to suppress mine as well. So I never trusted my parents with my emotions, either.

But I guess it didn’t help that they always said I was either ‘overreacting’ or just being a ‘drama queen’. Go this day idk if they were right, or if they were just, avoiding it.

I don’t know which one I’d want it to be. Because if they were wrong, and that my emotions were actually valid, what would that mean for me? For them? Would it make it seem like they had neglected my own emotional and mental well-being? If they were wrong, if they thought because of my overreacting and drama queen the fancies that my emotions weren’t valid, then what is the limit to validate emotions? What would it have taken for them to stop accusing me of overreacting or being a drama queen?

They never made me feel valid. They still don’t. The only good throng I’ve done so far with my life, is get good grades. It’s been so long since I heard one of my parents (step or not) say they were proud of me, so when they got the letter in the mail about my good grades in online schooling, when that happened and they said they were proud, I almost cried.

It’s strange.

For a long time back in middle school-high school, I desperately wanted to die. I didn’t want to live in a world where everyone would judge me for my smallest of mistakes and ignore my feats.

I knew that, being the youngest, I was my parents last chance to have a child they were proud of. Everyone else but my stepsister had failed to be a kid that my parents were proud of (or at least didn’t talk shit about). I knew that if I didn’t want to be talked shit about, I’d either have to leave, or change.

I was so done, with the world. I hated myself for my failures, I hated the way I had been raised. But I also hated myself, because I had no reason to. Im not living on the streets, I have a family, I have food, I had shelter. I shouldn’t have been sad. “It couldve been worse”, as the mentality goes. I didn’t deserve to be sad, and it made me feel worse. I felt like all I was doing was trying to gain attention, even though that’s not what I wanted. I thought I was being selfish because of my own emotions, and it still gets fucked in my head sometimes.

Back in my freshman year of high school, a girl (which for the sake of her identity and name I will not be naming), had hung herself in her closet. Rumor was because she was having problems at home.

Way back in middle school, even. A girl in my 8th grade year tried to kill herself. She planned it all out. She wanted to hang herself in the bathroom, and if she couldn’t do that, she had some sort of sharp object to try and slit her throat. She couldn’t hang herself, and she cut her throat, barely enough to bleed. It was not deep or long enough to kill her, only to sting. When her parents saw the injury on her neck, she got in trouble for it, and was threatened to sent to a mental hospital, with padded walls.*

I knew both those girls, in a sense. And I knew that the one from high school had it worse than I did. I felt shitty. I felt like I had no reason to be sad.

Like I had no validation, because I wasn’t supposed to show that much emotion in front of others, because what I learned from my mother without her knowing, was to surppress the sadness. I want to amount to something, I want to be something my family can be proud of. I don’t want to be the next disgrace, I don’t want to be the person without control of her emotions. I don’t want to become a failure because I lost, or because I couldn’t do what I needed to do.

4/5/2024

Time is going by so quick, it’s killing me. Just today with my grandmother. I went to stay with my father for the weekend, so I’m going back to her house Sunday night to spend the eclipse with her. But as she left the house which I’m staying with my father and his girlfriend, I feared ‘what if this is the last time I see her?’

She is less than 20 years younger than my GREAT grandmother who died only a few months ago.

I love this grandmother with all my heart (I’ll call her grandma J from now on), and I’d hate to see her die, at all. I’m literally going to see her on Sunday, only two days from now, why am I worrying so much? Why did I wonder if it would be the last time I see her?

I’m so scared. I’d be lost without her, she has been my rock for a long time. Even though she is heavily Christian, and I don’t feel as connected, I always feel better after spending some time with her, (whether we speak of God or not). I grew up, spending every other weekend with her instead of my father, because he wasn’t able to take care of me where he lived for a long time. I lived with Angela (another grandmother of mine who I HATE) for the first seven years of my life. Spending every other weekend with my Mother, and the weekends I didn’t spend with my mom, I spent with Grandma J. Things have changed heavily since then, I barely remember that time in my life.

But my grandma J. She means everything to me. I always leave her house happier than when I left it. No one else does that for me.

I’m so, so fucking TERRIFIED, of who I’ll be, where I’ll be mentally, when she’s gone.

I’m so so scared…

(4/8/2024)

It’s 12:41, so technically eclipse day. Had a serious talk w my grandmother. I told her I was Ace, (not the pan-romantic part, but yk) and she was pretty okay w it. Especially when I told her I wasn’t gonna have children of my own creation (I might adopt, cause I wanna make a home to those kids who don’t have one yk?) and I just got really emotional. It doesn’t matter how many times I fucking say it, I am so scared to lose her. I cried, thinking this may be the last time I see her. You never know. She almost got hit on her way to see me on Thursday last week! I know she might be gone soon and I am not ready for it. It may be a last time for everything, and I’m so so so fucking scared words can’t even describe it. Not through type/text. If I were recording myself, you’d hear my ugly crying, and my voice in general breaking so no. But the point is, I dunno what’s gonna happen. My future, and hers, scares me to death. When she’s gone… I may as well be too.

So if I disappear for a long time, you will know why.

If I go batshit crazy (whether it’s lashing out, or self-isolation, or pretending to be fine [ya know, the stages of grief]) you know why.

This woman is one of my few rocks. My grandmother, and my eldest blood brother, who I shall call ‘E’ for the sake of keeping their identities secret.

I, don’t know what’ll happen to me once either of them are gone. Same with my parents, but I trust my brother and grandmother more than I do them, so it will be harder to lose them, as much as it may seem crazy to say.

I’m scared. I know I keep saying it, but every day I spend, is another closer to my grandmother’s inevitable death. I hate the thought, yet it keeps coming back since my GREAT grandmother died a few months ago. It’s not fun.

I hate feeling this terrified.

I feel paralyzed, like a record skipping, the never ending thought(s).

It’s horrible.

(4/12/24) 12:43 am

I don’t think I’m good enough.

I keep failing myself and others, over and over again. I want to help people, but it’s so fucking frustrating when they won’t accept it. I get it, sometimes it’s hard to accept help. But (per specific example) when I’m asked for help for the smallest of things like understanding some work, and you apologize a million times, it hurts. I hate seeing people I care about apologizing. I don’t know how to help them because they refuse to let me do so. I just, feel like I’m failing them. I can’t help them and it makes me feel like shit.

I wanna help people. At this point, the people I care about, and my drive to help them always, is the only reason I’m alive. The past few years since I last therapied someone, have been shitty. I hadn’t been able to help others and it just went by so fast, and almost without any emotion. It was awful, I felt lost. I lost my will to write, read, and draw. I lost everything about myself. When I picked up drawing again I cried because I thought I lost what little talent I had because it was shit at first. I don’t even know who I am. Am I even who I used to be, or am I a carbon copy of my successful step-sister?

I forced myself to change in high-school so my parents would be proud of me, so that I would be successful.

So I wouldn’t struggle in my future, so I could get a scholarship to college so I wouldn’t be drowning in debt like my mother was most of my life.

I just wanted a steady life. And one without the shit talk my parents would do behind their kids’s backs.

Fuck I’m so tired of it.

I feel so useless damnit. I feel worthless. I don’t want to be here anymore, I just want peace. Because these thoughts, these voice keep coming back no matter what. Telling me I’m not good enough, that I don’t try hard enough and that I’m too lazy, that I make up excuses. But when I try to say I did try, they always say I didn’t push myself enough. I dunno, do I not try hard enough? I dunno. I’m just so sick of this endless battle and I want it to be done. One day I want those people to realize it was an act. I want my parents to realize that they fucked me up. That they put too much expectation on me without their own realization. I want them to know that the therapy they took from me only made it worse. Then being upset over one singular missing assignment (that we’re hardly ever my fault) only made it worse. That threatening to put me in an asylum at the age of 13 only made it worse. That talking shit about my step-siblings right in front of me only made my fear worse. That hiding their emotions from me only made it worse. Cause god fucking damnit I’m scared of you now! I’m scared to come to you for anything! I have to contact my brother, or my grandmother! And one day I might not even have them! You say I can trust you with anything but then you turn around and call me a drama queen, that I’m being too sensitive, that I’m overreacting, making up excuses, being a liar, just being lazy, not trying as hard as you know I can, stop making things a competition.

God damnit, what am I even doing? I’m nothing, nothing but a failure. I should be trying harder but here I am, still being lazy. And I’m just blaming everyone for it when it’s all my fault.

(4/13/24)

^i didn’t move on to someone else four days later. Just because me and my bf were friends didn’t mean we were together. And I never, EVER cheated on her. Sure, I found someone new and he’s my bf now, but at the same time me and her, we both realized we were never romantic with each other. And I broke up with her? She was the one who approached me and said that she felt like her feelings for me weren’t being returned (which was true, I realized. We called each other girlfriends but I felt like she was nothing more to a friend to me) and I thought she was okay with it. Mind you when she came up to me I thought she was going to ask me to an event, but instead she called it off. I thought it would be better suited that way anyways, and we both agreed on that but I did NOT break up with her! And apparently, when she talked to me, she was scared to tell me that I offended her every once in awhile by some things I said (which she never said what do I still don’t know and it’s fucking killing me), ^because she thought I was gonna blow up at her. Apparently I fucking scared them and I don’t even know I didn’t realize they felt that way and just about a month ago I get this message on top of it like.

I probably should’ve realized I was a piece of shit. I was just like that bitch from high school we all collectively hated. God I’m so fucking sorry…

I thought we were still friends. This is a message I got from them through my old asf Wattpad account that is cringe. That I stopped checking until I saw that post today. They never intended for me to read that message so soon. They even said so themselves but fuck.

I’m sorry, to you both. I know you’ll never see this. But I’m so so so sorry, I didn’t realize.

I’m trying I am TRYING to never do this again but I still do this shit to people, don’t I? I just Fuckin manipulate and hurt them. I can’t just, spout off my trauma or whatever the fuck and shit like that! I know that now and I feel so fucking bad damnit… I didn’t realize I promise I am so sorry.

Why didn’t you say anything? I should’ve noticed, you shouldn’t have HAD to say anything after the fact I should’ve just known. Why can’t I see these things? I never see red flags, I never see my OWN red flags and manipulate tendencies until someone points them out. Why can’t I read social cues and shit?

God I’m trying, but I’m not at all, am I?

I just hate that I didn’t realize! I didn’t break up with her she broke up with me! We both agreed it was better, but I guess she was a lot more hurt by it than she let on and I thought we resolved things but. God fucking damnit.

I can’t ever do this to anyone I REFUSE! I can’t do this, I can’t put this pressure on people ever again, I don’t want to push them away. I never want this to happen again I don’t want to hurt people like this again.

I lost my two closest friends. And I didn’t even fucking realize it.

Fuck I don’t know what I’m going to do. I already apologized like a million times for scaring them with my slight anger issues, but I never actually hurt hurt them physically I didn’t realize I lashed out at them and I didn’t realize I was forcing them to listen to my problems. I thought they were okay with helping me but they didn’t say anything all because they were scared and I just.

I’m fucking freaking out, but I need to calm down. I need to calm down, and just breathe, and everything will be fine. Fuck it’s now 1:14 am I shouldn’t be thinking right now it’s dangerous.

But fucking damnit, I knew I shouldn’t have just dumped all my shit onto them but FUCK.

I need a fucking therapist for that, not my FUCKING FRIENDS.

God what is wrong with me, making my friends my therapists?

Fuck. I lost my friends, I almost have no one left Irl except for this one small friend group, which has drama and way too many sex jokes for me to even want to be IN it anymore. But they’re all I got and we stick together until the end. Most days I don’t mind it, but sometimes I hate being one of the only girls in said friend group.

Fuck I don’t know what to do, I can’t tell my bf about this or else he’ll flip, and I can’t make him my therapist, that’s wrong I was told so! My bf has had it so much worse than I have I shouldn’t be freaking out about this as much, this is nothing compared to what him and so many others have gone through.

But damnit. I DONT have a therapist, not anymore, and I can’t ducking afford one or even talk my parents into helping me get one because as said before they think the process is too damn slow. I can’t fucking tell anyone without feeling bad and knowing I’m a shitty person, because until now I didn’t realize telling people my problems was a bad thing, that asking them to help me out as if they were my fucking therapist (WHICH THEY ARENT AM I STUPID? To just dump all that shit on them without them even saying if it was okay or not?) was a bad thing.

So I’m alone, but that’s fine. I can’t tell anyone anyways so that’s how it’s gotta be and I can live with that. I have for awhile. But I don’t want to be alone. But I’d rather struggle alone than hurt anyone else because I don’t want to lose anyone else, or hurt them, or push them away or scare them like I did with these two.

I don’t want to be w/o my friends. I don’t I really don’t.

I’m never doing that again I promise you I’ll never do it again. I’m so fucking sorry I never realized and I know I’m a piece of dirt shit for not realizing sooner, and for scaring you guys to the point you couldn’t communicate with me w/o fear on your end. I should’ve known and I am so so sorry.

Fuck I even talked to my brother and we have the same timezone I shouldn’t have bothered him. Thankfully he let me go quickly. Fuck I hope I didn’t scare him off either…

(4/14/24) 10:44 pm

I’m so tired. Tired of feeling useless and like a failure. If I fail the people I care about then I am NOTHING. I don’t care about myself, I don’t I just want to make people proud of me. I don’t want them thinking I’m a waste, I don’t want them seeing me the same way I do. Please oh fuck… I don’t want to be a disappointment. I really don’t. I don’t want to hurt people, I want to help them. I feel like an utter piece of shit. I can’t ever talk to my friends about my problems again im not doing that to anyone every again. That’s why this will never be posted, I can’t hurt anyone else with my stupid rants and tendencies. I feel like im manipulating and hurting people by being open with them and I don’t want pity I do not want that, I just want them to know I’m not perfect. And even that is scary because if I am not PERFECT in every single aspect then I failed.

I keep apologizing, sounding like a broken record of an ex trying to get their relationship back but I really am sorry. I talked to my step-father about what happened yesterday concerning my friends. He said that I was one of the nicest person he’s ever met, saying how he knows I try to go outta my way to avoid hurting people but what if he was lying? Cause what if I did say something mean?

I call people idiots and jerks a lot, but I never mean it! I normally mean it in a joking matter but that’s not really nice is it? I’m reeling trying to figure this out and I just want to know what I did wrong so I never do it again. I know not to spout my problems off like I did, I know to watch what I say but how am I supposed to watch EVERYTHING I say?

Fuck I don’t care what I have to do. I’ll do anything, anything to make sure I never hurt anyone like that again. Scaring people, hurting them, it’s so fucking scary to me. I don’t want to do that, that’s the person I aim to NOT be. I wanna help, I wanna heal! Not hurt and scare. I sound like a fucking broken record and it’s pathetic.

I can’t ever post this, it will only make things worse and it’ll only make me feel worse. Because if I post this draft, I’ll be forcing everyone who sees this to be my therapist and I swore to never do that again.

Fuck man. I want help. I’m actually asking for help for once, straight up saying it. But I can’t, the one time I want it, the only time I feel I need it, I can’t ask for it because it’s wrong to do so.

(4/18/2024)

I know that none of my “friends” will be texting me in my birthday this year. I’m not expecting them to text me this year, because I’ve lost all my friends. I don’t think anyone will care this time around. At first I was excited! But getting older isn’t fun at all. People start leaving, start to say things they held back, start to tell you things you didn’t notice before. You grow apart and soon you become alone.

I realize that I should be happy my family is texting me, cause sometimes people’s families don’t even text them. But it’s kinda a requirement, that’s your fam, they should know these things. And most of the time, they wish you happy birthday as an after thought. Friends don’t do that (unless they need to be reminded) but still.

I’m gonna miss those two.

(4/19/2024) 11:31 pm

It’s almost my birthday! Hah. What a cruel joke honestly.

I miss those two so much, every time I see the one who messaged me I instantly go quiet, turn my head away until I’ve walked past them. Fuck, I moved around so much during my elementary school years, those two were the longest friends I’ve ever made.

Everyone already has their best friends.

I’ll always be the outsider.

I really am alone aren’t I? That one friend that never gets invited, that hangs back.

The last one they pick to partner up w in classes kinda shit (which, is also true atm).

I’m alone and it sucks. I miss them so much. I don’t care what that one said, I want them back I just want my friends back.

I want my gossip gals back.

My face to face, same time-zone, Irl friends who I can trust my life with.

I’m losing people left and right. I can’t take it. I’m fucking crying less than 30 minutes before my birthday and it’s pathetic.

People are without families, without homes, and I’m crying over this?

Fuckin stupid…

[hush-writes-preg]

i’ve been wanting to say this for a while, and im still not sure i’m gonna say it right, but i really appreciate your blog. i’ve been having issues with my ovaries for a while and it’s still not clear if i’m fertile or even gonna get to Keep my ovaries much longer. it’s been really stressful, because i really want to be able to get pregnant, and i might never be able to. but one of the worst parts is that i’m transmasc, and a lot of people- including my own family- can’t wrap their heads around being a man and wanting to be pregnant. even other transmascs seem to think i can’t actually be trans and genuinely want this. people pity me cus they think Society is what made me feel this way, and they have to “help” by convincing me this is something i don’t actually want.

you and all your followers have been the opposite of that. seeing so many other transmascs who openly (and sometimes desperately) want to experience pregnancy has made me feel like so much less of an other. seeing people who aren’t transmasc but have transmasc friends/partners being so encouraging and supportive when this is something they want has felt so validating. it’s such a positive and welcoming environment here, and it’s so comforting.

so i guess the main takeaway is everyone should keep being horny, because there’s at least one person who really appreciates it.

Hey there, Aster! Thanks for hopping into my inbox with your kind words! 💖

I've said it before, and I'll continue saying it long into the future for old and new followers alike-- this blog exists because I believe that everyone deserves the opportunity to feel appreciated, validated, and seen in regard to this kink. I don't care what parts anyone was born with, what parts anyone has now, or what anyone's age(18+)/gender/sexuality is. Anyone can feel the desire to be pregnant or to impregnate someone else, and that feeling should be celebrated.

I'm sorry to hear that you've had so much trouble with your original plumbing, Aster, and that you aren't sure if you'll be able to conceive. That's a really shitty situation to be in when you actually want to get pregnant. I've known a few people on Tumblr who are in similar health-related situations, and I just wish I could give all of you a big hug (if it's wanted). It's really not fair. The universe is pretty shit for allowing that to happen in the first place. But you're not alone, okay? I don't know how much comfort that offers you, but there are folks out there who commiserate, understand what you're struggling with, and hope that you'll be able to eventually find happiness regardless of what happens.

And yeah... family and society can suck big time sometimes. OFC you can't be male and want to carry a child, right? /s In my opinion, those people are nothing more than gatekeepers who have no business being involved in your body and business. The knowledge that these kinds of opinions are so commonplace really pisses me off. The desire to procreate is a ridiculously ordinary (though not universal) part of being human, so why shouldn't anyone be allowed to use the parts they have to make a baby if they want to? Or be allowed to find other reasonable ways to make it happen? :throws-table.gif:

Ugh. I'll get off of my soapbox now.

All that said, if the space I'm nurturing and the community we're all building is one of support, encouragement, and affirmation, then that's a dream fulfilled for me. We may be stuck feeling like an Other elsewhere thanks to societal stupidity, but not here. Here we're all as incredible and sexy and fertile as we wish to be, and I refuse to hear otherwise.

You're awesome, Aster. Try to stay positive, do what you can to take care of your troublesome bits, and love yourself the way you are. And if you ever need to vent about this stuff, my DMs are open, okay?

I adore all of you horny, breedable fuckers. 💖 Don't any of you forget it.

[ryuichirou]

Complicated relationships with Leona?? Do you guys feel comfortable elaborating?

It’s kind of hard to talk about it, the thing is, this man stole my car, burnt my house down and also owes me money….   

In all seriousness, we just find him kind of boring and overrated, and think that his chapter was the weakest when it comes to writing. I’m especially bitter about it because I really wanted to like Leona; Scar’s always been my favourite Disney villain (I’m basic), so I was already pretty biased and ready to forgive a lot of things, but it didn’t happen lol Leona just… doesn’t really have the same charisma, I guess?

His motivation is also all over the place. What does Leona want?

It’s not like he wasn’t loved – he is loved; it’s not like he wasn’t appreciated for his good qualities – Falena recognized that he’s smart and told him that they could really use his wisdom (it was Leona who refused him); it’s not like he doesn’t have any power and can’t do anything – he has an entire dorm to lead and tons of money to use. If Leona truly wanted to do something meaningful, he could’ve done it, he just doesn’t want to. But he’ll still complain about it. Because he wants ~the crown~

To be completely fair, I don’t mind his motivation being so focused on the crown itself and the fact of him wanting to be a king, but I wish the story would commit to it more? I’m still not sure if it recognizes how ridiculous Leona’s laments are. Some characters seem to be aware, like Lilia and Ruggie, for example. But it doesn’t go further than that.

Moreover, when Leona has a second “chance to shine” in the 6th chapter, he just ends up telling Jamil how to live his life during their entire quest. And of course, the things he’d said to Jamil were pretty valid and justified I guess, and I’m glad Jamil heard some of these things. Very perceptive of you, Leona, but pretty much everything you’ve said also applies to you. Why didn’t we get a “wait a minute, you whiny hypocrite, why are you telling Jamil this when you have the same problem that you don’t really want to fix?”? Of course, Jamil is too cautious to say something like this to Leona, but…

But we never talk about Leona’s bad qualities in general, do we? We can talk about him being lazy all we want, but not him being a petty spoiled child who has pretty much anything he wants but still complains all the time about life being unfair to him.

The fact that he pretty much told Ruggie, a guy from the slums, than both of them were born unlucky, is still bonkers to me. Not because of the fact that he’s said it (doesn’t necessarily make him a badly written character, in fact, it could’ve been fun), but because of all the layers of irony that never really get acknowledged properly. Like… It’s funny, because Ruggie challenges the unfairness of his life: he studies in a great college, he makes connections, he steals some expensive stuff from Leona, he brings home food, for fuck’s sake. He changes his own situation little by little, by fair means or not.

And with everything that was happening in the 2nd chapter, I would assume that Leona shares this sentiment: if you can’t change your life by fair means, do something shady and get what you want this way. This is what Scar did, and what Leona tried to do, but the moment his plan was ruined, he just went “well I don’t care anymore” and never cared or did anything ever since. Just whined.

I also want to stress that our main issue isn’t the fact that he’s an asshole and a hypocrite: we love assholes and hypocrites, all of our favourite characters in any piece of media are assholes and hypocrites. But they’re fun to watch and fun to listen to, and Leona is neither of these things.

The fact that he doesn’t learn from his mistakes also isn’t a problem. Azul didn’t learn that scamming naïve people is bad after his book, the only thing he’s learnt is that he should probably get over the fact that he was a chubby kid and that he’s a hardworking guy and a very nice person overall. If anything, Azul only became worse after his book lol but it makes everything better! It works for Azul’s character, it makes him interesting. We’ve learnt about how horribly he’s been treated, we pitied him, we felt bad for him and we found out why he is the way he is. But he’s still hilariously insufferable, as he should be.

So yeah. I guess I am confused about what we’re supposed to feel towards Leona. Are we meant to feel sorry for him? Because to us it was pretty much impossible: can’t really feel bad for a guy who has everything within his reach, yet does nothing and complains about life being unfair. Are we meant to be annoyed with him? But it’s not the “fun” annoyance, it’s just… “yeah yeah keep whining”; listening to Idia feels much different, for example. Idia’s funny.

At least make Leona funny, goddamnit. Everyone should make fun of Leona more, that would make his character better. Because right now he’s pretty “eh” to us. Do something, lion man.

Maybe if twst didn’t have such a big and amazing cast of fun characters, Leona wouldn’t look as bad, but when pretty much every single other character has something interesting to offer, being mediocre is a serious crime. And because of how underwhelming his chapter was, we don’t really want to dive into more content with him (i.e. vignettes and such): they would give us some additional “meat” to his character, but it wouldn’t really fix the problem of his “core” being boring, I guess.

[anti-endo-safe-space]

This isn’t a vent related to endos, but I wanted to go somewhere and you were the first to come to mind. You don’t have to post this either, I just… need a place to go and desperately. You don’t have to read it either, I just wanted a space to go to, I guess. I’m sorry.

I feel like a giant mistake and a failure as a human being. I view myself as a test subject and no one seems to understand the pain that comes with that, I’m a subject that’s always wrong. I feel like I’m always so upset when people say that we’re predictable because we can’t predict ourselves, we never know what’s happening or what’s going on. I feel like other people don’t want to be our friend because we don’t know ourselves or feel like we know a collective identity. There’s never anything solid there.

I want it all to end but u know it won’t and I feel so alone in a world full of people. Even when we’re with others, it’s a constant feeling of alone unless one person is there. And they aren’t here right now. I keep seeing disfigured shapes that always look like shadows and there’s a mist on the floor and I know it isn’t real but I can feel them staring, I can hear the sounds of the popping joints and I can see them turn to look at me like they see me before walking off.

It’s like a waking nightmare and I can’t get out of it. I feel like I’m stuck in an in-between. I’m trying to mask to focus on our blog and answering asks and making sure that the community there is okay, but it’s so hard. The rooms and house don’t feel real. I’m here but I’m not here and it’s so painful. I can see but I can’t see at the same time.

I don’t want to make things about me when other people are in pain and I’m scared to ask for help so I shove it down completely. I don’t know what to do about it anymore and I want someone that’s safe besides our partner to go to. I don’t know what it is anymore.

I feel like a child. I feel so lost and scared. I feel like I wondered in childish glee and now I’m in a waking nightmare with creatures that don’t hurt me but know my pain and can’t do anything about it. They feel so real and I feel so bad but they’re horrifying. I just want to be home. I want to be normal.

I want to stop seeing and hearing things. I’m desperate to have someone with me. I don’t know what to do anymore and I’m so afraid.

And I look perfectly fine to the outside world but I’m dying inside. I feel trapped in a cage and I can’t get out.

We've spent a few days trying to best figure out how to respond to this. And it's why we're not tagging this with anything other than for endos to not interact because this is something that you will hopefully find

You are not a failure or a mistake, you are a wonderful creature that this world needs more than anything. It's okay to not have a solid identity or to be unpredictable, even without a system that happens. There's nothing wrong with that. It can be stressful but your not bad. And even if no one else wants to be, we'd love to be your friend.

Please, don't go. Stay. Even if it doesn't seem like it, you are so loved and cared about. Your life has so much waiting, it just takes some time but you'll get to a point you'll look back on now and be so proud of how far you've gotten. Even if that person isn't there, even just pretending they are can help. Please keep going. Those happen, seeing things. We see things sometimes that aren't there. Hear things too. That doesn't make you wrong or a mistake, it just means that yeah there's a potential issue but you are not the issue.

Hey your pain is so real and valid. We don't care, come to us. We'll listen. Hell DM us and we'll listen and give you an ear, a shoulder, anything you need. Talk about what's going on, don't try and bottle it in. It won't help any, it'll only hurt.

It's okay to think they're horrifying, that doesn't make you bad or wrong. Your going through a hellish situation that hurts. Your gonna get to be home, even if your home is a person. Normal isn't even really a thing, and even if it is, there's nothing wrong with being different. Your normal in your own way.

Please, go see a doctor, a therapist, anyone. They can help stop your hallucinations. You don't have to say your a system, they don't need to know that. But you can tell them about the hallucinations, they can help.

We get that, you can make a key though. There's always a key you can make, you can do this. Just please.

Even though it hurts, keep going. Keep trying. Push through this. Survive even through this pain.

We are here for you. Dm's, asks, anything. Please, just stay alive, even if it's hard.

[ladybirdplace]

Marriage part 1

The 26th of March was my first wedding anniversary. When I married myself last year, I chose to keep it to myself, I suppose out of shyness.

I know my followers will be very accepting of it. Others, maybe not. Self marriage is still a foreign concept almost everywhere. And in the places where it is a thing, it’s not necessarily an autoromantic practice.

But I feel comfortable sharing it now.

It was a post on tumblr mentioning self marriage that pushed me to take the plunge. I had already been wearing a ring on my thumb symbolizing my love before March of last year, and so I didn’t need to purchase an engagement ring.

It wasn’t really a big decision for me. The life I have lived thus far is abundant proof enough of my own dedication, and a ring and the title of spouse would not define it.

I wanted to have my ceremony when no one was around, so in the morning, before the sun rose, I ate an apple, which is a symbol of love and marriage. I put on some white clothes. I snuck out the backdoor to my swingset.

I sat down on my swing. It was a little frosty and cold out. I took my ring off my thumb. Initially I wanted to put it back on right away and be married. I was very excited to be my spouse, but I waited. I contemplated for a few minutes what this marriage would mean to me.

I said what I wanted to say aloud. And I put the ring back on. And I went back inside as a newlywed, and warmed back up.

And it was beautiful. It was everything I had wanted. It was special, and mine, and blessedly alone.

I ate some strawberry shortcake for a wedding cake.

I didn’t tell anyone except for my therapist, and I was very proud to hear her congratulate me.

I think it is important that I explain my views about marriage.

I’m aware that the way I think about marriage is not very conventional. And if the readers of this post think law sanctioned marriage is the only valid kind, I’m not going to try to convince you, because you’re entitled to your opinion.

But I will talk about the way I see it.

Marriage has long been a primary form of slavery and ownership of women. It’s only recently that that sort of marriage is falling out of style in certain places. Marriage being a symbol of love is also fairly recent.

When my parents were divorced, I grew to see marriage very differently. As a child, I had thought my parents being opposites meant that they were meant for each other. And if my parents, who in all respects I had seen as representative of the perfect marriage even though they seemed more like roommates with kids than spouses, could be better off divorced, I rethought what marriage was about.

In looking again at marriage, I thought it to be quite a bit harder than I had before thought. Loving each other and getting along well and raising kids well apparently was not all marriage was. It was something more than that.

I feel that . . . In some respects, marriage as it is, being a life partner with someone is a kind of skill, one that needs to be tuned to your partner's needs and your own, and what you want out of the relationship.

That is, unless you’re married simply out of stubbornness and there’s no real collaboration, you just happen to be married.

And I don’t think I need to say that marriage is not always a fit for people, whether that means marriage does not befit an individual or the two people together. And I say two because I’m talking about conventional two-person marriage, polygamy and self marriage both follow different rules, I feel.

But I suppose there is some flexion of conventional rules in any marriage. I digress.

Uh, I guess what I’m saying now is not really important to the point. What I mean is, marriage isn’t strictly about love but also, perhaps even moreso, about compromise. Or about an obstinate (or in the case of queer people trying to hide their orientation, protective) vow to keep up appearances.

And I will mention that comparing married couples with longtime unmarried couples, often times it isn’t marriage that truly epitomizes their dedication to one another.

The concept of marriage, the way I think most Americans see it, is that marriage is a binding of two people because they love each other so much, they agree to now be bound together in union. That in and of itself is a lovely idea.

But it’s also true that marriage if for the sake of love is unnecessary. Putting aside any legal benefits it may offer, marriage for love is not needed.

And I feel that only when marriage really is not heavily encouraged by amatonormativity, when a legally married couple is the same to the government as an unmarried couple, when it is not for anything but for love, only then does that purposelessness take on a profound meaning.

To be married simply because you want to be symbolically bound to them in a new way, even though you really could go without and be just the same, is very heartwarming to me.

[chidoroki]

I don't know who decided to put Ray under Isabella's care but the culprit is the biggest ever. giving her her own child to raise to death? Of course she didn't know and would have never knew if Ray didn't remember but still. Do it means that the other mamas in the other farms had to raise their child too? I love that thank to Isabella who has listed all the mamas and their alive children (when she was grandma) because now they can be reunited in the human world. It will be nice for the youngest

You know what.. for the longest time my most hated TPN character was that demon bastard who ends the life of my favorite villain ever.. BUT NOW? I think it might have a new contender hahahaa. Ahh, yeah, that’s really such a cruel move to pull off. I wanna doubt they had any idea on which babies go to which mother, but I sorta can't. It seems the Grandma distributes the babies to the individual plants and we know from Isabella’s side-chapter that Grandma’s have access to all sorts of information. So if Sarah (if it is her here) actually knew that she was handing Isabella her own son, then DAMN. Yet another reason for me to hate her!

It’s not a totally bad thing though? If Ray was sent to a different plant, he would’ve still used his infantile amnesia to learn the secret of the house, but then I dunno how well his plan to survive would go if he had to make a deal with another mom. I hardly believe any other mom would even tolerate the idea one bit like Isabella did. Take Krone for example. Once she learned from Isabella that some kids knew the house’s secret, she was so quick to decide that those kids needed to be shipped off. I’m sure a handful of sisters/moms would’ve handled the situation the same way, so Ray might not have lived very long at another house. That is, if he even attempted to make a deal at all.

So I guess we have to be thankful he did end up under Isabella’s care instead? Partly because she low-key says “to hell with the house’s rules” and cares more about producing high quality merchandise, but also because she was dealing with her true son. It’s a rare moment when her “Iron Lady” facade cracks so the revelation certainly effected her greatly, so as much as she tries to hide it, she does indeed care for him.

As for other sisters/mothers raising their own kids or not, I'm sure it had to have happened occasionally, (Sarah certainly seems like that bitch to pull it off more than once too) but I don’t believe any of them knew like Isabella did. The four sisters in ch181.7 seem pretty surprised learning that their children are even still alive to begin with.

I wanna say it’s rare the ladies wouldn’t know anything, but then again how did Krone manage to confirm Ray was Isabella's son from the note he left? We don't know what was fully written in the note aside from “Dear mother..” so while that alone could be valid enough proof, I still don’t understand how Krone managed to confirm this information as true instead of be skeptical about it or think it was just a trap.

What book of secrets did you manage to get your hands on girl? I don't wanna put belief into something so random because there's really no better look at the book Krone uses, but they resemble each other very faintly..

Anyways.. yeah, thanks to Isabella for raising the children so well that they were able to survive and possibly spend time with their potential mothers, if they ever choose to that is. I also find it real sweet that they're all so happy and relieved to be free. They truly deserve a life of happiness for all they've been through.

I'm still unbelievably salty that ch177 ended the way it did (thank god that was the one positive change to come out of season two) because damn it, you can't give all these women and children freedom and a bright future and not include the best mom ever aka Isabella aka love of my life not ever having the chance to experience her happy ending with her own precious kids! Ahh I'm gonna stop here before I get emotional. Thank you again for the question anon!