#I guess he’s relying on their sense of self preservation

[mollywog]

Now I am truly in danger of crying, but fortunately Haymitch chooses this time to come staggering across the stage to congratulate me. "Look at her. Look at this one!" he hollers, throwing an arm around my shoulders. He's surprisingly strong for such a wreck. "Ilike her!" His breath reeks of liquor and it's been a long time since he's bathed. "Lots of ..." He can't think of the word for a while. "Spunk!" he says triumphantly. "More than you!" he releases me and starts for the front of the stage. "More than you!" he shouts, pointing directly into a camera.

Is he addressing the audience or is he so drunk he might actually be taunting the Capitol? I'll never know because just as he's opening his mouth to continue, Haymitch plummets off the stage and knocks himself unconscious.

And

"Of course Peeta's right. The whole country adores Katniss's little sister. If they really killed her like this, they'd probably have an uprising on their hands," says Johanna flatly. "Don't want that, do they?" She throws back her head and shouts, "Whole country in rebellion? Wouldn't want anything like that!"

My mouth drops open in shock. No one, ever, says anything like this in the Games. Absolutely, they've cut away from Johanna, are editing her out. But I have heard her and can never think about her again in the same way. She'll never win any awards for kindness, but she certainly is gutsy. Or crazy. She picks up some shells and heads toward the jungle. "I'm getting water," she says.

I can't help catching her hand as she passes me. "Don't go in there. The birds -"I remember the birds must be gone, but I still don't want anyone in there. Not even her.

"They can't hurt me. I'm not like the rest of you. There's no one left I love," Johanna says, and frees her hand with an impatient shake. When she brings me back a shell of water, I take it with a silent nod of thanks, knowing how much she would despise the pity in my voice.

The goal of eliminating Haymitch and Johanna’s loved ones was to break them (and set an example), but the unintended consequence was that they have nothing left to lose.

[celestialtarot11]

Small astro observations ☕️🤍

• Those with cancer moon in the 1st house come across “witchy,” some may even describe them as moody or reserved. There’s a certain kind of witchyness in them that I like 👀 my best friend has this placement, and she knows how to read peoples energy just by looking at them. I believe that’s her source of witchyness.

• She also has a youthful, round face. Being ruled by moon, her features are softer and delicate.

• Also, her moon is in Leo. This astrological polarity creates lots of unique sides in the native. Other people may think of these sides as “contradictory,” but the native can be very deep as a person. They explore all parts of themselves, and if they haven’t, part of their mission in their lifetime is to embrace all aspects of themselves, regardless of what others think.

• Jupiter in Leo people don’t chase that bag 💅🏻 they CREATE. They do enjoy when others buy things for them and when men especially (if the woman has this placement) provide for them financially. Men with this placement don’t like to rely on others for money, their pride comes with having a lot of money under their belt.

• Pluto in the 2nd house goes through radical financial changes. Whether that’s due to an issue with being careless with their money, to an event happening outside of them that causes them to struggle financially. The native does not feel secure financially and feels worried. Depending on the aspects in the natives chart, they can attract abundance just as easily as they lost their bag 💅🏻

• Earth mercuries and leaving their phone on DND, or ignoring notifications to preserve their peace 😌👋 hi ya’ll.

• A capricorns loyalty is not one to be messed with, especially if the native has healed past wounds, and is self aware. They have the ability to hold themselves accountable and do better. However, I’ve noticed capricorns who haven’t worked through their past issues have no problem leaving you to struggle, and only coming back when they need help.

• Male capricorns, if your father figure was not structured and present emotionally, do yourself a favor and go to therapy ☕️🤷🏻‍♀️ it’ll help you tons. Especially those with Saturn retrograde in the chart, because Saturn represents the father. If the natives sun placement is afflicted, the same applies here.

• I knew a guy with Saturn in the 10th house retrograde definitely had daddy issues growing up, and still does. The father relies on his child to be cared for, instead of the other way around. The father finds himself struggling to provide basic living, so the child takes on the stress of providing for the parent at a young age.

• Virgo placements & libra…what’s up with wanting to be hidden? I’ve met a man who at the time was struggling mentally, was borderline checking out of reality. He couldn’t hold a proper conversation without his head being lost in some far land 🤣 every topic was too vague, and too abstract for it to make sense. And as soon as I asked his placement and guessed it correctly, he gave me a look and said he didn’t like what I knew of him. He was bothered and seen 👀

• Virgo venus, ya’ll females are so beautiful. Even though venus doesn’t like it here, there’s something so beautiful, and effortless about these individuals. They may have a mature look depending on their other placements, and aspects.

Thats all I have! Thank you all for reading and supporting 👋☺️ this was fun to create. Feel free to add on and share your thoughts!

Book a reading with me here 🤍

[sunshine-in-a-bottle]

Okay pls tell me how rivals would be amzing for mass effect AU

(Mass Effect was the first game i ever cried about (happy tears though))

OK OK OK OK LISTEN TO ME LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN I HAVE A WHOLE THING ABOUT THIS I HAVE HALF WRITTEN FANFICTION AND VAGUE STORY IDEAS AND HAVE REDOWNLOADED MASS EFFECT SPECIFICALLY BECAUSE I HAVE THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS

ok so first of all listen to me Commander Shepard is Techno. Listen to me he was Earthborn, fighting in the pits of his city, and then he became a Hero and he's the very best at what he does as a human and he is a Soldier and what the fuck do you mean the government is just going to ignore this very obvious threat. Its Time For Techno To Go Off The Fucking Rails I Guess. Fuck the police and fuck the government there is a Giant Ass Murder Thing attempting to destroy the galaxy and Techno actually likes living there sometimes. And maybe he picks up some old friends, some new ones, maybe he learns he doesn't have to do things by himself. There are people he can rely on, friends even. And they mean so much to him. He'd do anything for them. He'd sacrifice himself for them even. (People always hc that Techno's totem scars are cracks down his face. In Mass Effect 2, when Shepard's brought back to life, they have facial scars too. Commander Techno, awakened, with scars glowing gold.)

Listen To Me. Listen. Dream as a Quarian. The Mask The Faceless The Hated By All For Bringing The Geth. And he's a scientist and he loves his family, his flotilla, he wants to bring back things to how they used to be. He wants their homeworld back. He wants so much, and when he has the chance to bargain with Techno and the Council, he takes it. He's going to use every advantage he has to bring his family home. But he's also Just A Guy. He's got a fun little LED smile on his mask, he gets So Excited over the stuff in Techno's ship. Techno Do You Know What This Cool Thing Powering Your Ship Does Because I Do I Have To Talk About It Now. Dream has a million tools and traps for his enemies and his adhd demands he infodump about the concept of Life and Death and What Does It Mean To Have A Soul and How Does This Relate To AI. Dream thinks AI can love, Dream thinks that his little combat drone is adorable and he calls it affectionate pet names. He has no sense of self preservation even when his suit is the only thing keeping him alive. Techno brings him with on almost every mission, because even if Dream can be annoying as fuck sometimes, he's also incredibly useful.

(Its an injustice, how the quarians are treated. Techno sits with him at the ship's core, and Dream grips the railing so tightly he hears it creak.)

Dream's ideas of AI maybe Actually Having Souls and maybe being able to work with the geth are not popular ones, so him sharing it with Techno is a sign of trust. He is so much less open with a lot of the other people on the ship. He needs to look strong, because he is. Because anything less will get him crushed by the system that scorns him.

When he hears about Techno's sacrifice, Dream is quiet. A trusted ally, a friend, family? He could have been considered family. They relied on each other to save the world together, and Techno told him that his ideas werent foolish (mostly,) and when Dream finally succeeded and got to build a house on his homeworld, he had wanted to invite Techno to come see.

(when he meets Techno again, he's wary. Doesn't want to get his hopes up that its really him, and not some clone that Cerberus made to get him off his guard. But Techno cracks a smile and knocks on his helmet and makes fun of him like he used to, and despite everything, its still him.)

Techno has a Lot of thoughts about Cerberus (A lot of them consist of Fuck These Guys) and a lot of thoughts about his own humanity. People accuse him of being a fake, less than human, a computer that just thinks he's Techno, Not A Person. He was brought back from death, is it really still him? (It is, Philza says, it always will be) but it haunts him. Its only when he cuts ties with Cerberus and takes off with their ship that he can breathe. He still has his ideals. He's still himself, at his core.

Listen I have More Thoughts Many Thoughts But Thats For Another Time I Am Zooming But Listen To Me They Are So Important Do You Understand My Rivalsduo My Boys My Guys

[raccoonfallsharder]

Thank you so much for responding to my ask, I found myself nodding my head in agreement to every point you made. I still feel bad for those who continue to overlook Rocket, but yeah, it doesn't really matter. Would love to hear those Loki thoughts as well if you don't mind!

ahh, i’m so glad to hear my five-thousand-page rant made sense and resonated with you! i also feel bad for those who overlook rocket. they truly don’t know what they’re missing.

so my thoughts on loki (below) are ALL over the place. i guess i’ll rant a little about the mcu and then talk about how i view loki in terms of character complexity, and then rant a lil more before i get really sappy. ready? ready.

i’m gonna go ahead and double-down on what i said about the mcu as a whole, and how much we need stories told by writers who love the characters they’re writing for. i think loki in the movies is a good example of a character who had, like, signposts of complexity and development with no actual exploration. we would see his behavior shift at critical moments, and we could interpret change and growth, but we never got to spend enough time with him to really see his thoughts and feelings and motivations. fanfic writers have done more to establish loki as a character with depth than the movies ever did. (hire them, disney!)

to be fair, those were thor’s movies, i suppose. but the dynamic of the movies really relied on this sibling relationship, while only really exploring one sibling’s perspective. like, how do you base a whole section of a franchise on two characters, but treat one as a person and the other as a prop?

then we move into the show.

honestly, i fuckin loved the show. i know you described it as loki getting to speedrun his redemption arc in a youtube video (a description which made me giggle btw), but i personally never thought of it that way. i never thought of loki as really learning anything from that montage of his other self’s life — except, perhaps, that being a better person and having a real relationship with his brother was possible. i always thought of that scene as just a slap in the face to get him to start paying attention.

what unfolds over the following two seasons is, imo, where all his growth happens. still begrudging at first — still eager to double-cross the people holding him captive (no shade; they didn’t deserve his loyalty). ready to use his variant to accomplish his goals. we get to see him start to develop empathy by literally reflecting on himself (hi sophie), and we get to watch that empathy spread — slowly, but surely. (so slowly, by the way. that sequence at the end where he spends a million years watching his friends unravel again and again and again and again and again and again and again? like, the audience may have gotten to speedrun that — but there’s no reason to think he did). by the time loki does what he thinks is the right thing — “for all of us” — it’s incredibly believable to me. whereas in the movies, it often felt like a cointoss — tails i save an orphan and heads, i act like a little shit — this decision to preserve self-determination seems deliberate and conscious and effortful. and he now considers himself part of the universe instead of superior to or separate from it. for all of us.

so. what do i think about the complexity of loki’s character? i think he is very complex and developed, and that his character growth is shared just as masterfully as rocket’s, but — i think this is exclusively because of the tv show.

and i think, again, that this is because the writers of loki loved him. like gunn did with rocket, they held the character of loki very tenderly, found all the places that made him mean, and asked, but why? and what does healing look like for you? and how do we make that happen?

and you know, even though rocket and loki are very different, and their stories “end” in very distinct ways, i think it’s fascinating that so many of the stories we find that have been told with love also include love as a central tenet. i think it’s just so beautiful that when we recognize a character as fundamentally good but deeply wounded, we so often want to reshape their universes to be exactly what they need to make them feel whole and seen and unbroken. we want to give them found families and community and connection, because having those things is always better than not, even if that means you have to be trapped in a tree for the rest of eternity.

i dunno, i just think people overall are really loving, and at their core, they want to put more love in the world. and i think loki (the show) and guardians (the movies) are perfect examples of people actually doing that.

blah blah blah, hire writers who love the characters.

⋆ ˚｡⋆˚⸜(♡ ॑ᗜ ॑♡)⸝ ˚⋆｡˚ ⋆

thanks for inspiring this rant lol sorrryyyy

[attheriskofbeingme]

Clouds and Stars

I’m sorry for being difficult. Sorry that I did that to you, but I want you to understand how hard it was for me. I thought about it almost every day. I’m always planning or thinking about what to do. I really did try my best to survive. I just don’t know where it all went wrong. There were days I barely did anything because I didn’t want to live that day. I sometimes wish I would just stop waking up. I knew my dreams weren't real because I was happy. I’m bad at the things I do, I neglect myself, and I’m forgetful, I know these things because people always tell me that, and I know. I know I’m selfish for what I did. But I thought about it and I think it would be better if I was just gone, you wouldn’t be angry at me anymore and I wouldn't feel so useless. Where do I even start? What can I tell you about me? I grew up pretty lonely and I never realized it until I lost someone important to me then the people in my life started to disappear. For a long time I resented myself for not taking care of Francine, but what could I have done? I wanted to die instead of her. Both my siblings moved out and I felt reality hit me, what was going to happen to me? Where do I fit in their lives? I can’t keep waiting for things to change. I did that for 18 years. I felt really lonely all the time, I met my best friend but he left too at the same time the rest of my family moved away. I felt isolated, but that was partially my fault for not reaching out. But I actually did sometimes, even before they left. though they didn't believe me. They say it's all in my head and I think that's the problem lol. I didn't have people who were emotionally available around me so I barely told anyone because I felt like it was unimportant and I was overacting. Like I'm seeking attention for telling them about what I feel. But those are things that I let happen, I sabotaged myself, and I have no sense of self-preservation. I guess what I’m trying to say is don't blame yourself for what happened, I chose to do this by myself. Hate me, resent me, miss me but please don't cry over me, I already did that lmao. I’m sorry if I come off as weak for this. I don't think I’ve ever been brave enough to stand up to myself. I give in to my impulses pretty easily without thinking, I hurt myself sometimes and it's hard not to, I deserve it for being a bad person. There's one thing I want to ask for if it's not too much, all my things, can you give them to Bean? Maybe she’ll grow up to like the things I liked and my stuff could actually be of use. It’s going to sound weird but I want to thank Seventeen for helping me live a little longer than I anticipated. I never thought I’d get past 17 and for a year I didn’t hurt myself because I felt purpose from them. A lot of times it made me feel pathetic that my happiness relied on people who didn't even know I existed but I always felt happy when they encouraged me to keep going. It feels like I've failed them too in a way because I quit this early. This letter is all over the place lol. I’m sorry about that too. Time will pass and you’ll eventually get to live without me. If when you remember me, listen to your happy song or mine (it's Kidult by Seventeen “Tomorrow, I'll live like a child; Who has grown up a lot” :3) because I’d rather not have you cry. Please be happier than I ever was, smile more than I did, and laugh more. If when you miss me, watch the clouds! I always took pictures because they looked so free. Now that I’m up there I’ll wave down at you every day and I’ll cheer you on. Hopefully, I’m up there lol. I was never religious so I doubt I’ll be in heaven, but I hope I’m in the sky, flying around with no worries. If you’re ever sad, tell me and I’ll listen to all your worries, give them to me instead. I love you and I miss you, please be happy for me :)

[egginfroggin]

Ingo and Emmet, by the timemost of the fic takes place in the Mistborn AU, have certain strengths and weaknesses, and certain parts of their respective fighting styles that are rather unique.

This got so long. I thought too hard.

Got some claustrophobia stuff here, too.

Anyway:

Ingo's main weakness is that he is essentially a false Mistborn and does not, in fact, have the ability to burn all Allomantic metals. He gave himself the ability to burn metals other than iron by way of Hemalurgy -- specifically, by using slender pins, like very large needles.

(There's a certain irony and logic in the fact that he hunts Steel Inquisitors and yet has made himself into something resembling the same thing that he seeks to eradicate)

As such, there are certain things he's unable to do -- tracking someone by sensing the metal they burn, for example, or hiding his own use of metal. Most of the metals he burns are very noticeable -- steel and pewter, for example, though he also uses tin to amplify his senses for the purpose of self-preservation.

Also, claustrophobia. Very bad claustrophobia. He will panic if he's shooed into an enclosed space, especially at night -- an alley, an underground tunnel, a small room, anywhere small and confined.

Emmet's main weakness (outside of his linchpin) and is the fact that he constantly burns tin. As far as I can recall and tell, Steel Inquisitors don't really see normally -- having metal stakes driven into your eye sockets will do that to you, I guess -- and instead "see" by way of sensing metal. So, the presence and absence of metal. I think.

(One of the twins clocked him in the face with a brick, once)

(No you don't get context) (yet)

This is something that he's gotten used to, but being unable to see what's around him makes him exceptionally uneasy at times -- especially because of the fact that his hearing is not the best. It isn't the worst, but it is not the best, either.

Thus, he burns tin. It's almost constant, giving him an edge by letting him pick out the sounds of things nearby, such as sneaky little gremlin twins or murderous brothers or similar such threats. But this is for picking out small sounds -- he uses quite a bit of tin, as a result, and his hearing can be very sensitive at times, to the point where overly loud noises can be debilitating until he stops burning.

Now, fighting.

Ingo is very nimble, and accurate when moving via iron and steel. He's acquired quite a bit of flexibility and precision with his movements -- a lingering result of squirming around underground and trying not to shred his arms completely when reaching for atium beads in the Pits of Hathsin -- and when firing coins.

But here's where he gets fun.

His steelpush isn't the most powerful -- imperfect Hemalurgy, the pin spending too much time outside of his body, and such, has made it so. Coins are good, convenient weapons, but what about other pieces of metal, like shrapnel?

What about adding poison to the mix?

He wears gloves -- thick leather gloves that the shards won't cut through. The shrapnel cuts through skin with far less force than a coin, and if he's decided to use poison, well, isn't that convenient?

(I just really like the idea of Ingo knowing a lot about poison and toxins; it's fun, and in this case, I feel like it's something that's plausible)

Emmet, on the other hand, excels at close-quarters combat. And if he is given a weapon, he will dual wield. Knives? He's got two. Probably four, just in case one of them breaks. He knows when to flare pewter to hit especially hard, relying on his own natural speed and skill to get close, and when to burn it in the background to dull the pain of any wounds, to conserve what he has.

He hits hard and he hits fast, and you'll probably have either broken bones or a good number of lacerations by the time he's done with you -- if you're still alive.

Anyway, I just think these guys are neat. And that the idea of Mistborn using shrapnel in place of coins would be terrifying.

[eneiryu]

thank you for the reply!!

so to expand on the original ask which was, in summary, “theo and liam are already together and theo is part of the pack when they get kidnapped” and the way it would make sense for me is if it was pack or someone (quentin???) mainly out for revenge since i think anyone that would kidnap them solely as a political chip to force scott into surrendering or to give up information would not risk seriously harming liam.

i think someone who had more of a vengeance against either scott or theo would hurt liam to hurt one of them and i can see it one of two ways: they want to hurt liam just to hurt theo because of what the dread doctors did, or they want scott dead out of revenge for something or because of what he represents to supernaturals and the knowledge that if scott is gone the power and strength and organization that was slowly growing among the different werewolf packs would disintegrate.

the first would just be someone who wants revenge against the dread doctors and wants to hurt theo psychologically in the worst way they know how, “by going after someone he loves” and that one i guess would be a painful waiting game of theo being helpless and them just waiting for a rescue because whoever is hurting liam isn’t doing it for any other reason than to cause theo pain.

the second way i think could be really interesting. like theo is already a trusted and valued member of the pack now, he knows valuable information about scott and the other packs so he’s just as useful, in that regard, as liam. and i think whoever it is realizes that liam’s moral compass is strong(er) and that he always “has the intention to do good” so he won’t give up information that could hurt scott, the pack, or any other innocent person no matter what they hold over them. and similarly theo, when it comes to himself, is self sacrificing, so if they hurt him to try and get liam to break he will encourage liam not to break and that combined with liam’s own sense of rigt and wrong and the greater good will prevent liam from giving up information that would hurt innocent people.

theo i think is different. i think he also has the sense of right and wrong and he’s firmly on the side of “right” now but i also think self preservation trumps everything for him, except for him, self preservation means keeping liam safe.

i think somewhere along the line, he went from always choosing to save his own ass and not caring who he had to double cross to keep himself alive and keep his heart safe to someone who would sacrifice himself in a heartbeat for the greater good. but i think the self preservation thing didn’t go away, it just got transferred to keeping liam safe above all else. i think it also kind of shows in canon too, theo is at first shown to care about his well being above all else and is even called out about it (“anything to save your own ass just not anyone elses”) but he also sacrifices himself to protect liam multiple times and is shown to instinctively try and protect liam (reaching to push liam ahead of him when gabe opens fire for example). and that’s before they’re together

so all that to say i think whoever the kidnap person is realizes quickly that the only thing that theo would value over doing the right thing and over scott and all else is liam. and not even liam begging him not to will prevent him from giving everything and everyone up if it means liam is safe (not to say liam is the only reason theo is good now because i don’t think that’s the case but i think for theo liam is above everything).

sorry for the incredibly long and windy ask but i guess all that to say if the were already together i think this could be a motivation someone would have

Hmmmm. Yes, all around, to your various (very well-made) points. I do think Theo relies to an extent on Liam being protected by the fact of being Scott’s beta, and pretty much the entire world knowing that Scott with rain hell down on anyone who so much as scratches him, to both protect Liam and protect himself from being put in the position of having to choose between doing the right thing and keeping Liam safe. But if that wasn’t present…that does raise an interesting “what if.”

On the one hand, I write my Theo as wanting very nearly above else not to be responsible for anymore death, even indirectly (which is why he begs Liam not to give Monroe what she wants in tailor-made, even though it means his death). But on the other hand, like you’re saying, I think the idea of him being responsible in anyway for Liam getting hurt and possibly killed—that might ruin him.

So hmmm…quite the interesting puzzle you’ve presented. Let me chew it over and see what comes to mind.

[coffeeman777]

Hi Kreg,

Every now and then I slip into this mode of thinking where I have almost no sense of self preservation. Right now I’m 26, laid-off, have no savings, still living at home, single (never been in a relationship), can’t drive, and my health has been bad for months. Sometimes I look at others my age as they get engaged/married, have children, buy houses (in california too, which is huge given the crazy market), and haven’t gained any weight since I’d last seen them in high school (in fact, many of them look even better than they did back then). I get into this mode of thinking: I’m almost 30 and I already lost at life. I’m far behind where I should be at this point in life (I mean, my mom had me when she was at the age I am now!). I basically think there’s no point for me to even try since I don’t have any dependents, no household of my own, no husband/children, etc. I think that, since I have no one that relies on me, I don’t need to try to get healthy, exercise, save up, or do anything with my life. With the trajectory of how things are going, I can probably safely predict that I won’t ever get married and so…what’s the point of even preparing for marriage? I ask this because my Sunday school teacher said that having the character of a godly wife starts at single hood. So as you can see my mind is jumbled and I guess what I mean to ask is…how do I stop thinking like this?

I would stop worrying about marriage altogether and look at this life as your opportunity to serve God and build the Kingdom. Be concerned with coming to know God better and better, and with making Him known to others. We don't have much time on this side of eternity, and we want to do as much for the Lord as we can before our time is up. You want to do what you can to stay healthy and work a job to provide for yourself so that you're able to help others and store up treasure in Heaven. If the Lord wants you to marry, He'll connect all the dots at the right time. And if He doesn't, you'll still have plenty to do.

Be blessed!

[yeojagroup]

having another day where my stress levels are just. out of fucking control. i don't even remember what time i went to bed but i was called at 7 am because my brother wanted medicine and said he was in pain. i'm just feeling so fucking trapped and in a weird position where i feel like i can't ask for help because he's relying on me so much. and i'm missing my mom again but currently i think i'm resenting her more than i'm missing her. it's just rage and pain boiling over. i'm trying to sit with it. praying that it'll pass. but any fucking boundary i set is being mowed over and i'm being wrung dry. dealing with him is so exhausting and triggering for me because he's really similar to my mom in the sense that they're like. a fucking blackhole when it comes to being self-obsessed. nothing else ever fucking matters as long as they get their way. she made him ill. she tried to make me ill. not even in a physical sense, but emotionally and mentally. she wanted to stunt my growth and preserve me like a specimen of some kind, i think.

i'm trying my hardest to be happy and healthy when i haven't been that in a really long time. but i just keep taking hits. i had to euthanise one of my dogs because she suddenly went lame and i'm already taking care of a lame human being and there were just no other options. so that smaller sized chunk of grief made everything topple over like a set of dominoes. and i guess i'm just freaking the fuck out because i'm gonna blink and the anniversary of her death is going to be here. i'm so angry. i'm so fucking angry. my brother minimized my pain in a way that really threw me off because it reminded me of my mom so much. the way she would make me feel smaller than a speck of dirt.

sometimes all the things i lived through with her feels like a far off and really awful dream now that i'm on the other side of it. and what people don't understand is that she wasn't always awful. when you call someone a narcissistic or say they're abusive, people automatically clutch their pearls bc they're not used to ppl being characterized that way in polite society and there's no nuance or grey area to it. it's terrible. but i'm glad she's dead and i know that's a really polarizing emotion/thought to express for people. i can miss the good parts of her and feel relief at the fact that she's gone and not making me miserable anymore and feel triggered by grief or behavior that reminds me of her. i don't understand how all of these feelings can coexist at once either, but they do.

[maipareshaan]

Sam in s4 going "i am saving people and that feels good, so i am going to keep doing it", is giving me saviour complex with its framing, maybe i am reading too into it but considering they make any feeling Sam has around the whole thing negative and also the whole i am strong and Dean is weak and i have to take over and protect him plus ofcourse doing something to prevent the acopalypse and save the world, being the thing that starts it...i would say its part of the saviour complex thing. Which is unfair yes, like are you a bad person to feel good about saving people and all, but also the whole thing is mixed in with validating the the blood drinking and is secondary.

And Dean too is relying on feeling purposeful by wanting to save people in s4, in making up for torturing people in hell, in feeling like he is on a mission from God. Like a lot of their storylines connect.

And s4 really does a very poor job of making Sam's any feelings about doing things for Dean known, like Sam saw Lilith laugh as he helplessly stood there while Dean died, and the dude can't muster a single "no Dean you will die again if you go against Lilith and i can't bear that." Lol no, its just "You are weak, you suck". Like you could easily fit that and would make sense, but tensions were high i guess lol.

Also a big part of the initial blood drinking also lies in self-preservation for revenge or saving Dean, not that Sam cares to live, but he is actively being hunted, and he can live for revenge and his only stratergy if he wants revenge and possibly getting Dean out is getting power, which he does not have, its evening the field or just die.

[micahweissberg]

he feels like a scorned, but wealthy ex-housewife, holding a glass of mimosa at 11 o'clock in the morning, trying to keep his presence contained within a five-inch radius, but strategically does not isolate himself where his father could freely come up to him and interrogate him on his whereabouts in a way that he might be forced to answer. at least by weaving himself into the current headcount of opulent brunch-goers who laugh from their throats and not from their bellies, he can rely on his father's vanity and sense of self-preservation to not make a scene.

and it's been working so far, or his father is just too busy stretching his face to accomodate the never-waning smile he puts on for his guests to notice him. but who does notice him is phoebe, dressed in a short, cream ensemble, her dark hair falling past her slender, satin-covered shoulders. he barely recognizes her, and he doesn't try to hide the way his eyes quickly (and at just a little over five feet, it can't get any quicker than that) scans her from head to toe. "phoebe, hey." genuine surprise colors his previously stoic features at the sight of his former neighbor, but is nonetheless pleased to see her again. "wow, you look... great." too good, in fact, for a fundraiser on a random sunday morning honoring no one particular individual but the collective group of volunteers at bright sparks and the kids that they're helping. she mentions new york and, briefly, worries that she might've learned something from his mother—more likely his father—before he remembers that he had told her about his moving away when he brought his stuff to her and foster's apartment. "oh, yeah, um... well, some things just came up. i guess i'm back indefinitely." he shrugs, a little sheepishly, as he swirls the orange drink in his hand. he tries to search for something else to say within the narrow opening of his glass, head jerking up enthusiastically when he remembers who's catering the event. "oh hey, i saw la galleria on the poster. foster give you first dibs on the menu yet?"

≈ weissberg law charity luncheon, cantwell country club. with @micahweissberg

Phoebe was aware she was staring at the bulletin board for probably longer than what was considered healthy. However, her eyes were stuck on the formal cursive lettering declaring La Galleria as one of the restaurants providing catering for the event, and the involvement of the restaurant had made her spiral, just a little bit.

This was supposed to be her birthday party, before she forced Saul to change it all around. Was La Galleria involved in the original plans? Had Foster been planning some type of Phoebe-centric menu for her big day? Or was the restaurant’s contribution a last minute thing, doing Saul a favor for her fucking up his plans?

Her stomach churned at the idea of Foster being in the very same building as her — stressed and overworked — and so she had busied herself by staring at the sign rather than the door to the kitchen, lest something possess her and make her go in to bother him. If he was even here. She hoped he would be, and he’d need a reason to come out of the kitchen, and he’d see her and…

…And what? Wasn’t like there were any creeps around for him to sucker punch this week. Phoebe broke from her quasi fantasy to regard the room full of people gathered here for the pretenses of charity, doing a double-take at one particular face. 

“Micah?” She questioned, in disbelief. It’d made sense that he’d come support his dad, but at the same time, for such a last minute event… “Hey, I thought you went back to New York…when did you get back?” Phoebe closed the distance between them, still feeling awkward at the particularities of their relationship to be certain if she should have offered him a hug or not, instead  nodding at him, holding up her glass of champagne someone had placed into her hand not too long ago.

[daphnedirose]

Honey And Lime

Viktor x gn! reader | SFW | 1.8k | Viktor catches a cold during winter, gladly, you know exactly how to make him recover.

Requested by mei_ackerman on Ao3.

Stubbornness was Viktor's fatal flaw, you confirmed that fact the day after Christmas. Working along two mad geniuses who had Piltover's future in their hands meant vacations were limited, even during the holidays. You put on your warmest jacket, a pair of gloves and a scarf before heading to the lab, taking into account the winter in The City of Progress could make anyone catch a cold... since that's what happened to you last year. You loved to watch the snow falling on the streets, decorating them with the beautiful white layer, however, your body couldn't resist cold temperatures very well, so you had to rely on the warmest clothes you owned to survive the cool weather while walking to the Academy's lab.

Since you arrived a little earlier than usual you expected the room to be empty, to your surprise, Viktor was already there, working focused on some documents he left unfinished two days before. You notice the big window in front of his desk was opened, so you rushed to close it and stop the cold from coming inside the lab. You would have completed the task successfully if it wasn't for Viktor, who stopped you before your hand could reach the glass, saying it wasn't necessary to close it.

You looked at him confused. It was freezing outside yet he wore his usual clothes, rolled-up sleeves but no warm clothes to cover up. Not to mention, Viktor's health started to show certain complications a week ago, making him cough from time to time, so you worried the weather might worsen it.

"You'll get sick if you leave it open, you know?" You arched a brow at him, concerned.

"It's alright de-Y/n." He smoothly corrected himself before calling you a pet name he only said in his mind, maintaining his eyes stuck on the documents. "I can handle a little cold, trust me."

You didn't, the man had no sense of self-preservation, but you let it slide and sat down to help him with his current work.

Jayce arrived a couple of minutes later and a similar conversation took place between the two gentlemen, sadly, ending with the same result: the opened window. You and Jayce shared a feeling Viktor would end up regretting his decision, but you didn't say anything and continued working, hoping Viktor would close the window eventually.

He didn't.

A joyful Jayce greeted you when you arrived at the lab the next day, but he was alone, no sign of Viktor in the room.

"Guess who has the flu." He laughed.

You sighed, disappointed but not surprised, thinking Viktor's obstinacy would kill him –and yourself– one day.

"What would I owe you if I leave you working by yourself for today?" You asked him with a barely noticeable concerned look on your eyes, but Jayce could read right through you: he knew you wouldn't leave Viktor alone while he was sick.

"Oh, trust me, the look on his face when I have the pleasure to say 'I told you so' will be enough payment." He smiled at you. "Go."

You smiled back at him before leaving the lab, heading to the closest market you could find. Once you bought all you needed, you walked fast towards Viktor's studio apartment, scolding him mentally for not caring enough for his health. You knocked at the door when you arrived, hearing some groans coming from inside before the place before the door opened, showing a tired Viktor behind it.

He was in his pajamas still, subtle sweat drops covered his forehead; his hair was messier than usual and his complexion was paler than yesterday, a slight red blush resided on his nose and the golden eyes you adored looked exhausted.

You looked at him worried. "You look awful."

"Good morning to you too." He let out a small chuckle, stepping aside to let you in. You noticed his voice was raspier and husky.

The place was small but cozy, everything looked squeaky clean and organized, except for the undone bed. You figured he must have gotten up just now.

"Are you here to scold me?" He asked, sitting on the corner of his bed.

You shook your head and gave him a tender smile. "That's Jayce's job for later, my job, on the other hand, is to take care of you today. Now lay down and rest."

Viktor looked at you surprised as you took out the groceries you bought in his small kitchen. He laid in bed seconds after, his gaze still following you as you wandered around the place. He didn't expect you to come to take care of him, but he was genuinely thankful for the gesture; he felt a bit dizzy and had a horrible sore throat along with a little fever that made him shiver constantly.

He closed his eyes for a second, only to open them up again when he felt something cold on his forehead. You had soaked a small towel in cool water to help with the fever. You slightly brushed his pale cheek with the back of your fingers, sighing. He closed his eyes again to the touch before you tucked him in bed properly.

"You're burning up, Vik." You said in a preoccupied tone, another sigh leaving your lips as you went back to the kitchen.

"Should I take it as a compliment?" He joked, eyes still closed while subtly raising the corners of his lips.

You laughed at the comment but tried to hide it immediately, failing. "I didn't know a cold made you this cocky, I thought you said you could handle it."

He opened his eyes lightly, noticing them heavier as he looked at you, pouting. "You said you weren't going to scold me."

The affectionate smile that appeared on your face couldn't be hidden. "Don't make me change my mind then."

He softly smirked as he kept staring at you moving inside the tiny kitchen gracefully. A sweet and refreshing smell started to fill the place, which made Viktor feel comfortable and calm for some reason. You approached him with a mug in your hands, making the delicious smell feel stronger, he didn't mind tho, he loved it.

"Sit down for a bit and drink this." Your voice felt gentle, he liked it. You grabbed the towel from his forehead as he followed your orders, sitting down on the bed and resting his back on some pillows you placed in front of the headboard so it wouldn't ache after. Once he was comfortable, you handed him the mug; fine steam coming from it. He inhaled once again the sweet scent coming from the amber liquid you poured into the mug, somehow, it smelt quite familiar.

"What is this?" He asked.

"Lime and Honey."

"Isn't it more common to mix lemon and honey?"

"Lime makes it better, trust me. I drink this every morning." You smiled at him before grabbing a chair to sit next to him, noticing his cheeks regained a bit of color. You felt relieved thinking it mean he was getting better, when in reality Viktor was a little embarrassed for realizing why he found the fragrance delightful.

Grabbing the mug with both hands, Viktor slowly drank its content, it tasted delicious and made his sore throat feel refreshed, you were right, the lime gave it a soothing taste. He finished the drink in a few seconds, thinking about how tasty it was.

"Thank you." He mumbled, his voice was more colorful than before.

"No worries, I can make this for you every day if you want."

He giggled. "Not only the drink, which was delicious by the way. I meant coming here..." his hands fidgeted a little with the mug, "knowing it was my fault I got sick."

"It's okay, you don't have to thank me." Your hand traveled to his messy brown hair, running softly your fingers through it, making it look a bit smoother and organized. "You know I'd do anything for you."

He turned his eyes at you, them being brighter than when you first arrived. He looked like a puppy somehow, which made your heart melt.

"Do I know that?" He asked raising his eyebrow.

You chuckled. "You do now. You should sleep, I'll wake you up when the soup is ready, okay?"

He nodded before laying in bed again, closing his eyes and falling asleep to the lime and honey smell that remained in the room.

You were a skilled cook, so you started to make some chicken soup and some food he could eat for dinner while humming some of your favorite songs that, unknowingly, lulled Viktor in his sleep. You glanced at him from time to time, making sure everything was okay; you found out he talked in his sleep, letting inaudible words flow through his lips, something you found a little funny, but you froze in your place when you picked out one of the phrases Viktor let out.

My dear Y/n.

A smile stayed placed on your face as you finished preparing the food.

The touch of your fingertips woke Viktor up some hours later. He slowly opened his eyes, noticing his forehead was a little wet, figuring you'd put another cold towel while he was sleeping. You asked them to sit down again while you brought the chicken soup you made and handed it to him. He never tasted your food before, but he wished he had more opportunities to when he tasted it: the soup was delectable, and the scent that came from the small dining room was too. He looked over where the smell was coming from, surprised as he saw a plate full of food placed there.

His eyes shined as he turned back at you, completely touched by how caring you'd been.

"I really don't know how to thank you." was all he said.

"Come back to the lab tomorrow, I'll prepare some lime and honey for you, but only if you show up recovered, got it?"

When you stepped into the lab the next day you saw him, completely recovered from the flu while Jayce mocked him playfully for getting sick. You smiled as you looked at them, glad Viktor was feeling better... oh, and he closed the window this time.

You giggled while you approached the two men, both greeting you with kind words you were used to hearing. You handed a flask of honey and lime to Viktor, who recognized the smell instantly.

"Thank you, my dear." He said smiling before turning back at his desk, not realizing what words left his mouth.

You tried to hide your smile but Jayce noticed it right away, giving you a curious look as he leaned closer to you.

"Anything you'd like to tell me?" He whispered.

"Nope." You said, but your smile gave Jayce a different answer. "Nothing to mention."

[rosesgonerogue]

Finding Each Other (Again)

Chapter One

Masterlist

“Make way guys, out of the way!” Dick bellowed from the entrance of the batcave. “Alfred, we need you!” 

Marinette, jostled in his arms with every step, tried to liberate herself from her brother-in-law’s iron grip. “Calm down, I’m fine.” 

“No offense bug, but I just watched you get crushed by a steel beam. Alfred is checking you over.” 

“Tikki, spots,” Marinette said, as he deposited her on a cot. “See, not a bruise on me. I only jumped in to save that kid because I knew I would be fine. I’ve been eaten by a t-rex before, I was perfectly safe.” 

“You what?” Damian demanded darkly. 

“Dames! How was your patrol?” Marinette asked, grinning at the sight of her husband. 

“What just happened to you on patrol?” Damian demanded. 

“Dick is overreacting. I know it can be kind of… unsettling to see things like that, but the Miraculous suits are nearly indestructible. Only another Miraculous or some type of magic could hurt me while I’m suited up.” 

She leaned in to kiss Damian’s cheek, but his face was stone. 

“Are any of those Miraculous things up for grabs?” Jason asked, pulling off his helmet.

“Not for you,” Marinette scoffed. “And don’t worry, Dames. Dick is overreacting, the beam barely made contact with me. I was just making sure it fell safely.’ 

“Hold up, hold up,” Tim said, actually turning away from the computer. “You redirected a steel beam? Just with your strength alone? How strong does your suit make you?” 

“I haven’t actually ever tested it, that could be interesting,” Marinette contemplated, handing Tikki a cookie. “But I’m stronger than I was when I first started out as Ladybug.” 

“Part of it is because you’ve worked with me for so long - we’ve grown together. But you’re stronger than any other Miraculous use can be because you’re also the Guardian,” Tikki said. “Alfred, these cookies are amazing.” 

While Alfred began examining Marinette, he chattered with Tikki about his baking methods. Dick was telling an overly dramatized version of the night’s events while Tim theorized exactly what Marinette could be capable of. All that was missing was the last few members of the family, all occupied with their own business. Marinette leaned back on the examination table, content with the daily she’d married into. 

“-and if she were facing a metahuman with enhanced strength-”

“Drake, will you do us all a favor and shut your idiotic mouth?” Damian snapped, his voice dripping with acid. 

“That was out of line,” Marinette said, straightening up. “He’s just having fun, Damian.” 

“Just having fun? Were you just having fun when you threw yourself under a steel beam today? Or how about last week, when Killer Croc almost ripped off your leg?” Damian spat. “Oh, and the week before when your heart literally stopped because you stepped in front of Mr. Freeze?”

“Whoa, whoa, hang on,” Marinette said, standing to really face her husband. “That’s uncalled for, Dames. What’s with all of the hostility?”

“What’s with all of the hostility? Every week I have to see or hear about some way my wife almost died. You have absolutely no sense of self-preservation and that makes the rest of us worry about you, which makes you a liability.” 

“Excuse me?” she demanded, uncaring of the awkward silence between the rest of the family. “A liability? I know exactly what I am capable of, Damian Wayne. In case you forgot, I had a life and a hero career before you. Long before you.” 

“But this isn’t magical butterflies, Marinette, this is the real world!” Damian shouted, ripping off his domino mask. “People die here, and we don’t all have a Miraculous to save our asses. You rely on Tikki, but how do you know she won’t fail, or time out too early? Without her you’d be dead.” 

Marinette’s eyes were wide and burning with rage, but Tikki was the first to speak, her tiny body radiating with fury. 

“You have no idea what Marinette has gone through to get here. She is the most capable Ladybug and Guardian that I’ve ever seen, and that means more than you’ll ever know.” 

Looking back at his wife, Damian could see more hurt than anger in her eyes. He felt a pang now that his panic from hearing Dick’s story had died down, but it was too late. When he should have expressed concern and care for his wife, he’d let anger take over. A firm stubbornness rose in him, and when his wife’s eyes met his, he levelled his gaze at her, unwilling to take his words back. 

Glaring at him, when she spoke Marinette’s voice was thick with unshed tears. “Well, I formally apologize for the liability I’ve been all this time. If you’ll excuse me, I have commissions to work on.”

She shoved past him, leaving the silent Wayne clan behind. Her back was straight and her stride was measured - none of them could have guessed that silent, angry tears ran down her cheeks. Outside the weather was terrible, the wind howling through Gotham’s streets. 

Walking silently for blocks, Tikki flitted around her nervously, using the terrible weather as a cover - not that there was anyone really on the streets to notice her. Finally the two ducked into an alley where Marinette collapsed against a brick wall. 

“He’s wrong, Marinette,” she finally said indignantly. “Damian’s worried for you, but he also has no idea what it takes to hold a Miraculous.” 

“Am I just a liability, Tikki?” Marinette asked, running a hand through her hair. “Am I just making things worse for the entire family?” 

“Marinette, no! You’ve saved them plenty of times, and don’t you dare wonder if I’m what makes you special. We’ve been together for so long because you’re special,” Tikki said firmly. 

The Guardian sniffed, sagging a little. “Thanks, Tikki. I guess I really should go work on those commissions like I said I would, which means I need to go home.” 

“Only after you’ve eaten the rest of Damian’s favorite ice cream,” the kwami said. 

“After all of the morality speeches you gave me in Paris, I had no idea you had this mischievous streak in you. I think Plagg is finally rubbing off on you after all of these centuries.” 

Tikki smiled. “Only when someone hurts my Ladybug.”

Smiling faintly herself, Marinette pushed herself up while Tikki situated herself in Marinette’s purse. Talking to Damian wouldn’t be fun, but they would figure things out - they always did. Besides, they only fought because her husband was worried for her wellbeing. So, Marinette made her way towards their home, one of the safest neighborhoods in all of Gotham. She could almost see the old Colonial-style house when they saw a woman standing on the sidewalk. 

She was just standing there under the streetlamp, the light emphasizing how angular her features were, if not exaggerating them. With the way the woman stared at Marinette, it was clear that she would speak to them, and there was really no way to get home without crossing the woman’s path. As much as she didn’t want to, Marinette decided to bite the bullet and speak first. “Excuse me, Madame, can I help you?”

Nothing in her posture changed, but glittering eyes assessed Marinette critically. “So you’re the little French fashion designer? I can’t say I’m impressed. I always had much… higher aims for my son.”

With those words Marinette felt her blood freeze in her veins. So this was Talia al Ghul. She’d heard stories of the woman, but she always hoped not to become involved with her at all. 

She couldn’t back down. Marinette met her mother-in-law’s eyes without flinching, hand snaking to her back pocket for her phone. 

“Don’t try it, little girl. You and I are going to play a game. It’s called ‘how much does Damian love you?’”

“It’s tempting, but I think I need to pass,” Marinette said. 

At that, Marinette viciously kicked forward, hitting Talia right in the knee. She didn’t try to watch the result, sprinting forward with all of her energy - she only had to make it to-

There was a sharp prick in the back of her neck, and Marinette felt her legs give out from underneath her. She heard Talia limping over. 

“Maybe you’re not completely hopeless, but you were never going to win this. Now let me explain the rules of the game to you.” 

Marinette wanted to protest, to scream until someone came, but she couldn’t even prop herself up on her arms. Even more alarmingly, black was slowly overtaking her vision. 

“Dear little Damian has a month to find you. If he doesn’t, I get to kill you and use it as a means to get the information I need. Now sleep well, darling. You’ll need it.” 

Taglist: 

@tbehartoo @kris-pines04 @thesunanditsangel @constancetruggle @thequeenofpotatoeunicornss @rosalineandrosemary @novicevoice @momothefemur  @theymakeupfairies

Note: Hey guys, I know it’s been FOREVER since I posted anything. I just finished my first semester of grad school, and it was a bit overwhelming to say the least. Oh, I also have a boyfriend now. That’s new, and he does tend to take up some time. But I’m not abandoning my other stories, I just wanted to try something a little different. Long term this is going to be cute, and it’s going to have some hurt/comfort vibes. I know this is really different from what I usually write, so tell me what y’all think. The taglist is open if anyone wants to be added, just leave a comment below and ask to be tagged! 

[hergan416]

When I first started reading this post my first thought was about One Piece.

Because when you are watching (reading too, I presume, but this is not my first experience with this property) for the first time through, you think it's this kinda lighthearted, episodic adventure. Luffy's important character traits are: he's going to be king of the pirates, he ate the gum-gum fruit and can stretch, he is stubborn, he's willing to risk his life for his goals, he's a mess who lacks a lot of important self-preservation and social skills, he's got a strong sense of right/wrong, and he loves his friends and family, especially Shanks, who protected him as a child and inspired him re: what it means to be a pirate.

And because of the length, this is all you know about Luffy for a VERY long time. And it is kind of everything important about him?

Except some first impressions seem to be wrong (Luffy is a lot smarter than he acts or seems, both strategically and emotionally). For instance, Luffy never seems bothered by the things he can't do. But it takes a long time for him to explicitly say that the reason is because he's gathering a crew of people whose strengths make up his weaknesses. "I can't do anything. I can't navigate, or use a sword, or cook, or even tell a lie."

But this isn't a problem to him precisely because he can rely on his friends to take over when he needs a sword, or a map, or a doctor, or a good meal. He's unconcerned even in the beginning, because he's certain he will find those friends in his journey. But it seems like his desire for 10 crewmates is just pulled from thin air, and that he's a bad captain for not being able to do a lot of this stuff for a LOT of the beginning of the series.

And you also have like. This giant character development arc in the (I'm going to say middle but I think it only feels like the middle and is honestly a bit on the front end, still its hunderds of chapters/episodes in though) middle of everything--the Marineford arc, which reveals even more about Luffy, his character, his past, and his motivations, and where his sense of justice comes from.

And it's not until after that that Luffy specifically rejects the word "hero" even though he spends the series fighting opression/limits to freedom basically the whole series.

Nothing before was wrong, and if you were in a bar and a recent episode came on after you'd seen a bit of One Piece's beginning and never Marineford, it still would make complete sense to you. Luffy is not like William in MTP where you would have had to read between the lines to figure out that William had been suicidal this whole time. But you still learn and grow with him over the course of the story, and it isn't all spoonfed to you.

So I guess to me Luffy somehow manages to be both things. And that's why I thought of One Piece immediately for this topic.

I’m thinking a lot right now about pacing, specifically as it applies to characters—particularly protagonists.

Yes, this definitely spawned from the fact that I watched classic 90’s anime and then one episode of the reboot, but this isn't about that. This is about the fact that the contrast in this element between them threw this thought into relief for me. I have tons of examples in this post, and those two are none of them.

I just think exploring it as a concept is good for my brain and going to be an interesting read.

For the purposes of this post, there are two potential primary tactics for characterization pacing:

Shoving all the important/relevant bits about a protagonist as soon as feasible (usually within an episode or two if it’s a show, or the first couple of chapters if it’s a novel, etc.)

Doling characterizations out in bits and drips and drabs to treat things like reveals

The first often has the advantage of making people feel like they know a character immediately. It works well for shorter works, and adaptations expecting its audience to have at least some idea of the source material—there’s not a lot of reveal in Steve Rogers being Captain America, for example, so there’s no reason to play coy with it. It shows a lot of exciting things quickly to get people hyped and invested early.

But telling a story this way can also feel like a lot of information thrown at someone at once, and the character ends up feeling shallower because there’s nothing to explore. No matter how much there is there, if it’s all upfront, it can be hard to sort through it all and see what parts of the character interact with what parts of the story. It can be hard to recognize and discern signal from noise. It can also limit emotional impact and investment in their character—if everything is shared up front, then there’s no build, tension, or emotional investment in the punch, if you’re hoping for one.

There is something very special about reacting with, “Oh God, I was so wrong, I didn’t know, I didn’t know,” about a character, about a facsimile of a person, than there is about a plot, even. The complicated feeling of realizing you didn’t understand someone and now you do, or that you actively misunderstood something, is only possible when you’ve been given time to adjust to a normal without that before learning more.

I’m not talking “sudden character flashback” when I talk about layers, either. I’m talking about things the character is fully aware of and acts on, that simply aren’t made clear to the audience immediately because the story isn’t rushing to tell you everything.

Here, let’s explore some examples that might clarify what I mean.

Consider Yuukoku no Moriarty. William has a lot going on with him. There’s lots of things we don’t know about him at first, despite the first chapter being a double feature length flashback explaining his origins, motivations, and goals. And chapter two established his current situation. Cool.

But you know what we didn’t know about him until volume 6? That he was suicidal. He knew he was suicidal. He was taking actions based on that. You can infer a little bit from some of the odd moments prior to the Reveal. It’s a necessary part of his characterization and the climax of the story wouldn’t work without that being critically ingrained in him.

And yet, the creators chose not to share it with the audience in a clear, stated way, or clearly apparent and undeniable until volume 6. He didn’t change: that was always a part of him. But the audience didn’t know it was there yet. But we had to wait a while to pick up that piece of the puzzle.

Compare to something like, Yuri!!! On ICE, which came out the same year Yuukoku no Moriarty started, so I’m not talking about changes story telling trends of over time. Yuri!!! On ICE wasn’t based on anything, so the reboot factor wasn’t in play. But it’s short, and by the end of episode two, we know Yuuri is stubborn, emotional prone to wild outbursts, obsessed with Viktor Nikiforov, obsessed with skating, and very unsure of himself. No other major character traits were ever revealed in the twelve episodes. Even the whammy of a plot twist in episode 10 was based on those traits: prone to wild outbursts, obsessed with Viktor, very emotional. He grows and becomes more sure of himself, but we never learn anything new about who he was and what situation he was always in that really matters.

And no, this isn’t limited to anime. Take this novel I just finished reading the other week that came out this year from an American writer and an American publisher set in America: the protagonist, in first person, introduced himself in the first chapter or two as a flamboyant, femme gay boy who loves talking too much and is tight with his friends and stubbornly wants to prove himself. That’s fine enough. But even if he grew or changed (a…little), there were no other important character traits that affected the story. We knew all we needed to know right away.

Meanwhile, something like Jeweler Richard, which was originally a novel series, set up that Seigi was a blackbelt in karate, that he was weird about relationships and bad at pursuing them, awkward at making his feelings clear, and even that he had a bad childhood and abusive father. But it’s not until volume 6, from a first-person narrator in the same style as the book above, that he tells us he’s terrified of being in a relationship because he knows the statistics of victims of domestic violence becoming abusers themselves. And everything slots into place. So many of his prior actions and behaviors make so much more sense.

So maybe this is a short vs. long thing? Not necessarily.

The Eden of the East anime only has 11 episodes and manages, depending on if you consider Saki or Akira the protagonist, to show different aspects of their characters toward the end of it: Saki’s connection to the Eden program comes up for the first time about halfway through the episode run, and the reveal that Akira has been changing his name over and over and over comes even later. Now, he didn’t know that, either but I can easily see a show having a flashback of some kind or having it mentioned by another character in the first episode so the audience at least would know how he got there. There are ways to get that info crammed in there if the creators wanted you to know it. We know Princess Aurora is cursed to be The Sleeping Beauty even though she doesn’t.

Meanwhile, I sat through four seasons of My Hero Academia and Deku’s character and story was pretty set pretty early. Maybe something changed later in the story, but I never saw any spaces for it to arise.

Because that’s part of what’s missing in the upfront narratives: any breathing pause for the audience to go, “Hmmm,” and think about the story for themselves and notice something a little odd. There are no questions raised to be answered, because the answers, as far as the characters are concerned, is set.

I don’t think the character necessarily has to know the thing about themselves, necessarily. I think it helps, but there’s also things like Sam’s demon blood thing in Supernatural, which wasn’t revealed until season two, even though it was obviously planned with his psychic visions well before the reveal. The audience was given something to poke at for a bit before it became clear how it fit into the character. I’m talking about things pre-established with a character that aren’t explained why or how they’re reacting the way they do.

I think one method or the other is more common in some genres and some mediums than others, although I can compare within one medium and find examples of both. It definitely depends at least a little on country and culture of origin of the story (Lord knows how much harder a time I have pulling slow examples from American media). And I especially think it depends on when it was written.

I don’t have stats for this. God knows I don’t watch and read enough media to even take a stab at it. But it’s feeling a lot more common these days to make sure everything is easily packaged and digestible up front, as much with characters as it is with plot and the rest of the story.

Maybe it’s because they want to show you their favorite interesting shiny bits as soon as they can and they get excited. Maybe because it’s easier. Maybe because they just like those kinds of stories. Maybe because they don’t want to deal with fans who have no patience or don’t understand that the layers were always there.

Each gives a story a completely different flavor, and it’s a completely difference experience of enjoying and comprehending the story. One is slowly uncovering a treasure box and the other is being given a treasure box to dig into and coo over.

I think the slower approach helps a story feel richer: it gives the impression there’s so much more that could be uncovered and the world is more expansive and the characters full of deeper lives. I think the quick and shiny approach helps a story feel flashy and dramatic, and some stories should be flashy and dramatic.

Do you want an hour-long firework show, or do you want to set off all your rockets in five minutes? You get the same amount of rockets either way. It’s up to you.

[wombathos]

I really like your take on jgy, and letting himself go in his performance during his "villainous" scene. You mentioned that in Guanyin temple he is purposefully distancing himself from lxc, which is an interpretation I haven't seen before. If anything, jgy seems to be betting on lan xichen to save himself. He prevents him from going to the burial mounds and brings him with him, he appeals to his forgiveness... Where do you think he is distancing himself?

the ask is referencing this post, in which I said “he goes above and beyond in his efforts to pick apart everyone’s relationship even as he’s purposefully distancing himself from lan xichen” in a post about how jin guangyao is playing the villain in guanyin temple. so I wasn’t really precise in that post about a few things which I’m going to dig in now, basic summary below and then more extended discussion under the cut because this got… uh. long, I actually have a lot to say about this sorry

the overarching point here is that his performance and behaviour in guanyin temple isn’t a one-note affair and changes pretty drastically in terms of who is currently in control of the situation (as you’d expect, really) - and this affects both a) how much he’s drinking the villain juice and b) his behaviour towards lan xichen specifically. jgy - as ever - has several competing motivations, goals and fears throughout the whole ordeal of guanyin temple, which affects how he acts as well as what persona he decides to present to other characters. so with lxc as you rightly point out, he absolutely does have scenes where he’s entreating towards him, in part because he’s relying on lxc to help him, but there’s also other scenes where he’s… almost encouraging lxc to think the worst of him, or just acting quite coldly towards him. to get at what’s going on, I think it’s useful to make clear a few distinctions:

so first off I think for this it makes sense to not treat guanyin temple as one uninterrupted stretch - rather you have the run up to guanyin temple (from where wwx/lwj leave to burial mounds and jgy getting ‘injured’ to them going to guanyin temple - here how he treated lxc is really anyone’s guess), followed by,

jgy is in control, the other characters gradually show up and add to his hostage count and he has an unpleasant run in with a mistaken identity tomb but like, generally he’s in charge and thinks he’ll be able to execute his plan (this is a really long one)

lxc gets his spiritual powers back and holds jgy at sword point, the balance of power completely shifts. this is when jgy does most of his confessing, from incest to patricide to miscellaneous crimes and misdemeanours, the whole shebang

jgy takes jin ling hostage, lxc takes su she hostage. this is when jgy thinks he may be able to get away again

jgy’s arm gets chopped off and then it’s a chaotic free for all with wen ning joining in on the fun

everything has calmed down, lxc tends to jgy before stabbing him and watching him die

- followed by guanyin temple aftermath. especially for those first two, I’d say there’s a pretty clear change in behaviour on jgy’s part (afterwards it gets a bit murkier since the phases are also like… shorter), which makes sense because… well, personally I would certainly behave differently if I’m in control with multiple hostages as compared to when someone is pointing a sword at me. and I also think it makes sense to distinguish between the sets of concerns jgy is balancing throughout the guanyin fiasco, which I’m going to broadly delineate as a) practical (anything that has to do with him achieving his material goals) or b) emotional (not as in goals with an emotive component, but specifically his concerns for the emotional wellbeing of himself and others, by which I mean mainly lxc and possibly jin ling a little bit??)

one of the things you mention is jgy keeping lxc from burial mounds and I want to make clear when I spoke of him “distancing himself” from lxc, I didn’t mean he no longer cares about lxc. rather, he’s preparing himself for the end, for the increasing likelihood that lxc’s opinion of him is about to change drastically, fast. the practical concern here is keeping lxc alive, which he does very effectively by keeping him away from burial mounds and then making certain no harm comes to him as a hostage, the emotional one is… well, steeling himself for their likely separation? fearing more rejection from lxc once he hears everything jgy has done? hoping it will be easier if he can just keep playing his role and not wanting to be vulnerable in front of lxc? whatever the case - the argument that he’s ‘distancing himself’ from lxc, as well as the idea of him playing up being the villain, comes with a heavy asterisk:

this is only really true for when he’s in control in guanyin temple. in a nutshell, when the practical aims of ‘staying alive’ and ‘making sure lxc is all right’ and ‘getting the hell out of there’ look like they’re going to be achieved, are in fact still likely and he has concrete control over working towards them, he has a lot more space to act out in accordance to his emotional concerns, whether it’s preparing himself for his imminent separation from lxc or telling jiang cheng what a terrible brother he’s been for, idk, I guess the drama of it all? so in phase (1) of guanyin temple, it’s villainous monologues and barely looking at or talking to lxc, but in phase (2) his position is suddenly way more precarious. emotional distancing is fine and all up until the moment when you’re directly relying on this person to survive and like… at this point he can’t exactly afford for lxc to hate him? topic for another post, this, but in the post you reference I did also mention him enjoying picking apart his hostages’ relationships, which for obvious self-preservation reasons he does a lot less of in (2)

the danger of this interpretation is that it kind of makes it sound like I think that he’s putting on an act in (2) when he’s appealing to lxc and dropping the facade whenever he’s actually in charge, which is a fairly natural interpretation? and I think he’s dropping a facade in those scenes, even if he’s still playing up certain parts of himself and presenting another persona that might be… more honest than some but still not necessarily truthful? okay this is like. messy, but what I’m saying is it’s personas all the way down - and personally I reckon the one he shows to lxc when he’s begging for his life is actually one of the more honest ones. it fits in with a long-running theme of jgy and lxc’s dynamic that jgy shows lxc genuine emotions and vulnerabilities that are absolutely there, but still chooses which ones to show in a way that ends up being… cumulatively dishonest, or at least somewhat manipulative, I guess. at this point he knows that he can’t afford to distance himself from lxc and he confesses to all that because he’s quite right in thinking that this is what’s most likely to convince lxc to spare him, but that doesn’t mean it’s any less true. whereas when he’s in control, he has the choice to reveal certain parts of himself that he usually wouldn’t, but also has the power to hide ones he doesn’t want to show to lxc - because he knows he’s going to lose him

so that’s my general thesis: jgy was playing the villain and emotionally distancing himself from lxc when he could afford to do so from a practical standpoint but does so considerably less when he’s put in a situation where he’s reliant on other characters’ goodwill to keep him alive. he continues caring about lxc throughout and does so right up to his death but would like to prepare both himself and possibly lxc too from the coming separation by creating emotional distance between the two of them. also as with everything jgy does, fear is a huge driver: everything in his life has led him to expect lxc’s rejection once he knows all he has done and because lxc has played such a special role in his life that rejection is a truly terrifying thing. showing your vulnerabilities to anyone is scary even when you aren’t in the sort of situation jgy is in. so anything to avoid confronting it directly, anything to mitigate the pain, would be I imagine very much welcome

but the ask also is about actual examples of when jgy purposefully distances himself from lxc so… see under the cut for that

I’ll just focus on (1) here and do a close-read of their interactions because that’s where I think most of that emotional distancing (and also most of the more outright ‘fun’ villain energy rather than, like, sad villainous confessions), briefly touching on the shift afterwards to provide a contrast. also, let’s start with the run-up to guanyin temple because I think it’s fairly important to offer my best guesses as to what his mindset towards lxc is like going in. jgy taking lxc with him can be read in terms of both the practical ‘well he makes a real good hostage’ plus convenience of ‘he’s not at burial mounds anyway might as well’ as well as the emotional ‘this may be the last time I ever see him’. and yeah it’s probably mostly the former but let’s not forget that the only reason jgy does a pitstop at guanyin temple is to pick up his mum’s corpse, so it isn’t unreasonable to suggest he’s not only acting in terms of sheer rational self-interest in making these decisions

we don’t really know what happens here and how jgy acts towards him - he certainly tricks him and most likely fakes an injury of some sort to catch lxc off guard (which in the book wwx compares to an earlier book-moment where jgy faked suicide to get away from nmj and thinks he might have done something similar again) and manages to a) keep him away from burial mounds and b) either in the same act or later on takes lxc as a hostage (not sure which one it is? like surely it wouldn’t make sense to take lxc hostage if you still think burial mounds might succeed?) - and then they show up at guanyin temple with lxc’s spiritual powers sealed. as lxc says:

I’m ashamed. I got tricked by someone. I fell into a trap and lost all my spiritual energy.

now I don’t want to over-read into this or anything (yes we may be past that) but it did strike me how jgy doesn’t look at lxc when he speaks and doesn’t respond, but does turn to wwx and respond to him after wwx speaks and gives us a solid villainous smile:

I would argue that he finds it a lot easier to engage with wwx, banter a bit, than deal with the horrible messiness that is his relationship with lxc at this point. also… jgy doesn’t refute lxc’s point in any way. even when wwx gives jgy the chance to engage with him instead, he disregards wwx’s words about jgy’s penchant for lying and instead talks to wwx about underestimating him

if he were trying to endear himself to lxc at this point, surely you’d expect him to engage with lxc saying jgy fooled him? he doesn’t try to explain himself, instead he smirks at wwx (incidentally this is why I think jgy spends so much time poking at wwx and jc’s relationship - it’s not that he’s been a secret yunmeng siblings stan all these years but that this is way less personally painful territory for him than engaging with the others in the temple who he’s more personally close with (apart from lwj obviously and wangxian is something jgy did get in a bit of commentary on in the book, but let’s be real lwj is simply not as rewarding a target as jiang cheng is)).

this is pretty much conjecture and analysis based on vibes, but to me lxc and jgy’s behaviour doesn’t suggest they spoke a lot on the journey, or if they did their conversations were painful and most likely short. the only real evidence I have for this is that jgy at the very least didn’t confess to anything he had done, which is why lxc has to interrogate him about it later. also, jgy feels the need to tell lxc that he’s not going to try to remain chief cultivator later on - past deeds and future intentions would be the most natural conversation topics I would think? personally, looking at their coming interactions, I’d suspect that their few exchanges were along the lines of jgy telling lxc not to worry and that he wasn’t going to do anything to him and then… both of them opting out of anything more substantial

the first time he does directly engage with lxc is one that really fascinates me, aka the moment when jin ling arrives. they have this exchange:

Lan Xichen: “Clan Leader Jin, a-Ling is just a child.”

Jin Guangyao: “I know.”

Lan Xichen: “And he’s your nephew.”

Jin Guangyao: “Er-Ge, what are you thinking? Of course, I know he’s a child and my nephew. What did you think I would do to him? Kill him to silence him? A-Ling, did you hear that? If you recklessly run away or make any noises, I might do something scary to you. So you better watch your actions.”

now if I start talking about this scene we’ll be here all night, but for now I’d just like to note that I don’t think jgy is trying to make himself look sympathetic in front of lxc? he’s actually playing into lxc’s worst fears - in reaction to lxc expressing them, sure, and to my eyes covering up a lot of pain over lxc’s suspicion, but still going along with it and letting lxc believe the worst of him (and jin ling… topic for another post). look, he does the smirk:

then there’s this moment where jgy actually addresses lxc without prompting (but, hey, look it’s ‘Zewu-Jun’):

“Zewu-Jun, it’s going to rain. Go inside to take cover.”

this moment was somewhere between funny and bizarre to me, seeing as jgy is very much taking the time to tell his favourite hostage to not get wet. now the book translation I’ve read translates it as follows,

“Zewu-Jun, it’s raining. Let’s take shelter in the temple.”

- which regrettably makes a lot more sense. anyway, still doesn’t really look at lxc (as far as I can tell) -

- and then says “don’t worry” but adds a villainous smirk or two for good measure -

so let’s take that together with another interaction -

“But don’t worry, Er-ge, you know how I’ve always been towards Huaisang. When the time comes, I’ll definitely let you two leave without any harm.”

this is like… the warmest interaction in (1) we get? and again he’s telling him to ‘not worry’, which… another theme throughout is that I do think that for all that jgy avoids actually looking at lxc, he is acutely aware of the latter’s emotional state and is trying to manage it. not necessarily by making him feel good… and part of managing lxc’s emotional state is this increased distance, preparing for the separation of “when the time comes”, but it is also trying to assuage lxc’s fears. of course then that’s followed by this, which is a gut punch all round (including for jgy):

and jgy does this… cross between a smile and a grimace, this slightly resigned expression (he does also look a bit like he’s about to cry)

followed by this:

so yeah it’s… I really like this moment, because jgy is telling him essentially the truth but does so in a cruel way (and it’s obvious it lands with lxc). I can’t really read this moment as anything else than jgy distancing himself from lxc; yes he was somewhat prompted here by lxc, but he isn’t appealing to lxc to regain his trust - he explicitly says that it’s lxc’s choice but also that it doesn’t make any difference (or that lxc can’t do anything about it. whether it matters to jgy is another question). and then he turns to lxc and gives him this look -

and it’s… yeah, personally I read the entire thing as resigned, as well as a little cruel. it’s jgy knowing (or thinking he knows) exactly what lxc thinks of him and playing into that, of barely interacting directly with lxc but when he does enforcing lxc’s worst fears - the whole ‘playing the villain’ thing is nowhere near as blatant as it is with say wwx and jc, but it’s still there, in the interaction with jin ling and this one, in the coldness of it, in how jgy refuses to ask for lxc’s understanding because he isn’t about to admit either wanting or needing it

speaking of jc, when we get to his arrival and jgy starts picking on him, lxc tells him to not listen to jgy -

what can you say but yikes, really (though I do think there’s an interesting running thread of like… lxc looking at jgy and sometimes jgy looking at lxc but not at the same time? it’s like they’re both shying away from facing each other head on). to which jgy responds -

again, it just stands out to me how jgy isn’t refuting anything lxc just said. the words sound kind, but the implication isn’t, right? because the idea was always that lxc knew who jgy really was, unlike what the rest of the world sees him as (like lxc has himself said), and now jgy is identifying himself with the worst parts of what lxc sees - this is the meaning he’s choosing to attach to himself by going “you really understand me”. jgy is as good as telling lxc what understanding him entails, and it’s nothing about the deep bond they share but is instead something as painful as this. it’s less angling for reconciliation and more twisting the knife

back to jgy taunting jc, jgy says “It’s so difficult being your senior brother.” then we get this interaction -

the first part jiang cheng says and we only really get lxc’s heartbroken reaction, because jgy immediately brings the topic back to the yunmeng sibling angst, which he is like… playing for full drama. I actually think this is a nice example where playing the ‘villain’ goes hand in hand with the whole distancing from lxc, because he might be enjoying himself but it’s also very much used as a way to distract from all his own tricky emotional issues? can’t be talking about lxc and jgy’s shattered relationship if they’re instead talking about golden core transferrals, right??

so then there’s the whole jgy injures his hand thing.

I don’t have a whole lot to say to that because jgy’s dealing with other issues and he’s interacting more with su she, though… ouch at that little moment where lxc reaches out, as if by instinct

and when they come across a surprise corpse, it’s again that thing of… lxc looking at jgy, jgy not looking at lxc (he is distracted)

this isn’t really relevant to this post but since I’m already there, just after that you get a similar shot with jin ling:

(actually reminds me of nmj and jgy’s last conversation too) it’s a whole thing

and like… I’d argue it’s one form of creating distance, right? not even looking at him? trying to escape from any of these more emotionally intimate moments? and when it comes to the fratricide charge, again when he actually faces lxc, he’s not trying to garner sympathy. like the jin ling-related “what are you thinking?” or “you can’t do anything about it. right?” moments, it’s jgy shutting down conversations rather than starting them, resisting any chances to explain himself, (”is it necessary to ask” not “I didn’t do it” or even “please understand”)

and then wwx says something and jgy veritably jumps on the opportunity (and shoves poor su she aside in the process) to go over to wwx and monologue him for a bit instead -

this pretty much covers all(?) of their interactions in (1) which… it’s a fair few but it’s not actually all that many? I’m fairly certain jgy talks directly to both wwx and jc more than he does to lxc. their interactions become a lot more frequent from this point onwards - if nothing else, jgy becomes a more willing participant in them when it is in his (practical) interest to do so. but, to summarise, when jgy is actually in control he distances himself from lxc by:

a) avoiding interactions where he possibly can, including by avoiding eye contact and jumping on any chances provided by not-lxc to change the subject

b) not explaining himself to lxc and resisting openings to do so

c) playing into lxc’s worst perceptions of him, including playing the villain in lxc’s direction through coldness or smiles or cutting remarks

I do want to briefly go over the moment where lxc points his sword at jgy because it does illustrate the shift quite nicely. they start out pretty much the same way, jgy mostly talking to wwx and looking away from lxc -

- but that does change -

- and then eventually we get to the actual pleading. but the switch is slow and… it feels like there’s a lot of hesitation on jgy’s part. to me it doesn’t feel like something he wants to do, like he’s still calculating in those initial moments but gradually comes to the realisation that this approach is no longer going to cut it, that he’s going to have to appeal directly to lxc to save him. but then, eventually, he falls to his knees - and it’s quite a gradual motion, he really takes his time with it. are all those shots with lxc’s hand on the hilt of his sword that moves away when jgy falls to his knees implying that he was thinking about killing him?

so. yeah. I could go into more detail about how jgy does directly appeal to lxc in the following phases or what he is going on with him in the lead-up to his death, but that’s a topic for another post. for now, I think I can’t really read his phase (1) interactions in any other way than jgy preparing himself for the fact that this is the end - this is goodbye. jgy is scared of a rejection that is already unfolding; he is trying to shield himself from the pain and goes through a range of defence mechanisms to achieve that. it’s not an unreasonable fear, exactly, because it’s not like lxc reacts positively exactly to the revelations. and if jgy could have had his way, they never would have had this conversation to begin with, for better or for worse. maybe he thinks he’s doing a kindness to lxc, maybe he just doesn’t want to hurt him any more. either way, when he’s enough in control of the situation to allow it, he does his best to not engage with lxc at all. when he does, he does his best to distance himself from lxc - all the while merrily playing the villain with other characters he has less conflicted feelings about. it doesn’t work in the end and jgy ends up having to make himself vulnerable in front of lxc, but it’s a valiant attempt if nothing else

[fandom-necromancer]

Feeling from the heart

This was prompted by the wonderful @smolandangry001! I hope you enjoy!

Fandom: Detroit become human | Ship: Reed900 (Warnings: description of past-surgery medical care)

‘Oh, would this break never end’, Gavin sighed in deep content. Nines scanned the man more lying than sitting on a bench in Chandler Park, five minutes from the precinct, eyes closed and bathing in the sun. Immediately the warm feeling in his chest re-emerged, as it did so often these days. He should really get his heat sensors checked soon, if these malfunctions continued to come up. It was one of the first warm days of spring and Gavin had hung his jacket over the backrest sitting there in his hoodie with the sleeves pushed to his elbows. ‘You would get sunburn’, Nines stated factually. Gavin laughed. ‘Yeah, I guess. But this day’s too nice to spend it behind a desk.’ ‘I will trust your assessment and agree.’ ‘Come on.’ Gavin sat up and crossed his arms. ‘Phcking winter’s finally over, you don’t freeze your balls off being outside and you finally don’t both arrive and leave work when It’s dark. That’s not doing something for you?’ ‘I don’t care about the weather. I am waterproof and can operate in arctic temperatures. I am also not dependent on an extrinsic stimulus to update my inner clock.’ He noticed Gavin’s eye roll and hesitated to abandon the conversation just yet. ‘But… I guess as you like this sort of weather more, I will decide to like it too.’

Nines had thought that to satisfy the human but instead was met with a confused stare. ‘You decide to like something?’ ‘Yes. I wasn’t programmed with aesthetic preferences. So, I decided to like certain things others around me like based on work climate efficiency, general opinion on the subject and logic.’ ‘Oh, you do? Please elaborate’, Gavin said, and Nines missed the sarcastic undertones. ‘Humans generally seem to like dry weather more than rain. But they don’t like too hot temperatures. Also snow is an exception. Logic states I don’t need to bother about the weather. As the weather mostly is a topic for small-talk, I too don’t need it to better my integration in the force.’ ‘Geez, they really hadn’t had human interaction in mind when they build you, had they?’, Gavin sighed and Nines dropped his head minutely. ‘I am a prototype for a soldier unit. They had other tests in mind. Successors could have been outfitted with a rudimentary social module to fight alongside humans if desired.’ Gavin pushed himself forwards and rested his elbows on his knees. ‘Shit, Nines. Okay, back to the weather: Why did your neutral stance suddenly change then?’ ‘Because you like it.’ ‘Oh, and that is important because…?’, he asked. Nines didn’t know what to answer at that, but was saved before his LED could settle on red long enough for the human to notice.

‘We have a new case.’ ‘What?!’ ‘Gavin, we need to move out immediately!’ ‘Wha- Nines, what the hell?’ But he was already on his feet, fetching his jacket from the bench. ‘Hostage situation at a Comerica bank, I got the address. Demands the money the bank denied him as a loan. We are the closest to the scene, but SWAT’s already on their way.’ ‘The hell? I’m not a negotiator and neither are you!’ ‘Connor’s on the way too.’ ‘Goddamnit.’ They ran towards the street outside the park gates right as their police car arrived. Nines jumped behind the wheel and barely had to wait for Gavin to enter after him. The human immediately fastened his seatbelt and grabbed for something to hold onto, because Nines’ driving style could be described as wild at best. It wasn’t reckless, as the android calculated every manoeuvre to the millisecond, but still Gavin had his reasons to normally be the one behind the wheel.

Nines put on the sirens and left the side of the road with squeaking tires. Weaving through traffic at dangerous speeds, they arrived in less than ten minutes at the bank.

They had taken their first steps towards the building, as someone shouted out to them: ‘Stop right there!’ Through the glass doors they could see into the lobby, where not one but two people stood. One of them kept watch over the civilians cowering on the floor, while the other one held one hostage at gunpoint. Nines immediately scanned the situation, then tapped Gavin on the arm. ‘That’s good. Not another step, or I’ll blow his brain out!’ Gavin tensed, but Nines just removed his own hand from his pistol. ‘No, you won’t. This gun is fake, you purchased it from a toy store.’

Gavin frowned and looked up at Nines. But apparently, the android was right, as the two cursed, threw their plastic guns away and made a run for it the exact same moment, SWAT arrived. Gavin sighed, then began to pursue them, followed close by Nines. The two wannabe-bank-robbers were fast and knew the area, turning corners on them and even gaining on them until they got to a long straight stretch of road. Nines extrapolated their paths and as soon as he saw the car, he doubled his efforts. The first managed to enter the car, but with one inhuman leap, Nines landed on the hood, causing the first one to freeze in shock and the other one to abort his plan and run. Gavin continued to run after the fleeing man, while Nines started distorting the car doors to effectively trap the man until their backup would have caught up with them.

He ran after Gavin, who was in a far better position at the moment. He would catch up, but this one was likely Gavin’s to arrest. True to it, at the end of the road, Gavin had managed to catch up to him. With one last effort of strength, he leapt forwards, gripping the man by the shoulder and jolting him around. He looked at the Detective, who saw the panic in his eyes and was ready to call it quits by twisting his arm around and making the arrest. Unfortunately this man had been a bit more precarious than his accomplice and had packed a kitchen knife to the toy gun that he produced out of seemingly nowhere. In a reaction coming from panic and mindless self-preservation, the man pushed the knife into Gavin’s chest.

Gavin let go, eyes wide in shock as he saw the handle of it sticking out of his clothes. He wondered why he didn’t feel anything, then the pain set in and made him fall to his knees in a silent, breathless scream. In the distance he heard footsteps, but it didn’t seem to matter when all his eyes could fix on was the handle at his chest. He had been stabbed. Oh shit, he had been stabbed! Suddenly there were hands on him, gently laying him down on the sidewalk. ‘Nines!’, Gavin huffed hoarse. ‘Nines, phck, it hurts, Nines. What- Phck, there’s something inside me, get it out, get it out!’ He tried to grab the handle himself, but his sweaty fingers were caught by Nines’ cold ones. ‘Nines!’, the Detective cried in panic. ‘Nines, please, take it out! I- I’m scared, I- It hurts so much.’ The android’s unmoving face stared back at him, eyes rapidly trailing his body, without doubt analysing something. Good. Nines never made an error. But with the place the knife stuck in… He lifted his head to see the handle, but the android pushed him down again. ‘Nines? Nines, I think it’s in my heart. Phck, Nines, I can feel it. That bastard stabbed me in the heart, I will- Will I die, Nines? I don’t want to die!’ The android’s eyes still scanned him, but now his face contorted and seemed to form an expression for maybe the very first time.

Gavin couldn’t really make out what happened next as his vision faded out when the pain hit hard. Nines must have lifted him up and run back to the police cars, because he found himself lying on the bench in the back of the car. ‘Gavin. Listen. Lay still, make sure the knife stays inside and don’t touch it unless necessary!’ ‘Make sure…’, Gavin slurred, practically feeling the painful outline of the knife inside of him. ‘It stays in?’ ‘Yes! It increases your chance at survival.’ The roar of the engine seemed ten times louder than normally and almost swallowed everything Nines said. It somehow felt as if it would swallow himself, too. Gavin couldn’t focus on anything long enough to sense something, but the pain remained sharp.

He distantly heard the cacophony of sirens, tires, shouts and something that might have been his name. He saw the faceless heads of people and a regular flash of lights. He was moved, he smelled the chemical stench of disinfectant and nitril gloves and somewhere in between the iron taste of blood that made it hard to breathe. Sensations overwhelmed him, let him feel weirdly out of his own body, as if the knife was the only thing keeping his consciousness connected with it. There was a single cold touch to his hand that stood out to him as if it somehow mattered the most in all of this, then everything slipped away to peaceful nothingness.

-

‘Nines! Nines, are you alright?’, Connor’s voice was detected, but was categorized as a low priority, as his systems were invested in keeping everything at bay that threatened to fry them. Nines’ stress levels had never been this high, and lesser androids would had already self-destructed. Sometimes it was good to be designed as a deviancy-proof model as it meant he could deal with it better than others. Not that Nines could rely on it, he had deviated after all. But he was still here and so were his worries. ‘Nines.’ A hand on his shoulder added to the auditory input and caused him to look up then. ‘Connor.’ ‘Are you okay?’ Nines blinked at this highly illogical question, given that his LED was blinking red ever since he could scan Gavin. ‘Obviously not. I am…’ He thought about his status, not knowing what word could describe it better. ‘I am experiencing a lot of stress at the moment, likely caused by my partner’s injury.’ ‘I know, I wanted to know what you are feeling.’ Nines didn’t answer. How could he? He was never meant to… feel. He wasn’t programmed to detect feelings neither in himself nor in others. And even if he knew his internal status and what exactly was different to normal, he didn’t know how to express it.

‘Cold’, he tried, even though that had to be a malfunction as his components were running dangerously hot, one after the other. ‘I am under a lot of stress and I… When I scanned Gavin, he had a thirty percent survival rate. By the time we arrived at the hospital, it was down to twenty-two. As he was rushed to the operation room, it had dropped to eleven point three. I can only imagine how detrimental the removal of the knife will be to his expectation. It… It would be detrimental to my efficiency if he died.’ ‘He will make it’, Connor tried. ‘Unlike machines, humans are resilient. Working up to a hundred years without maintenance, regenerating from life threatening conditions and constantly fighting against other organisms that would be detrimental to them. Gavin is… particularly resilient if you so will. You did what you could do. Now you have to wait and let the other humans save him.’ ‘The chances are slim he will survive.’ ‘Just because it is unlikely, doesn’t mean it is impossible’, Connor smiled at him. Nines looked at him and for the first time wished he knew how to smile like that. Maybe then the last thing Gavin had seen wouldn’t be the faces of strangers and machines. It tipped his stress levels even higher.

‘Nines. Nines, listen to me. You have to calm down. Otherwise I would have to shut you down right now so Gavin has a partner to get back to when he survives this!’ But Nines couldn’t calm down when he didn’t even know what was causing this. It should have been a simple analysis, a simple cause of action: Get Gavin to a hospital as soon as possible and take every action in his power to ensure his survival. Now he had to wait. He shouldn’t be this stressed. He should be fine. But something messed with his systems, some processes that took logic away from him and left him in chaos. When the offer of an interface came up, Nines took it as if it was his only salvation.

He was hurled into his “zen garden” – an empty mesh of an engine housing his avatar. Red error messages were popping up all around him, almost forming a cage around him making him fall to the ground. After a short loading sequence, Connor appeared next to him, quickly rushing to him helping him up. Only then he looked around at the error messages. ‘RA9, Nines, I told you to copy mine, this is creepy’, he muttered, then started brushing a few away, taking over Nines systems without the other android even trying to intervene. The older RK managed to quarantine some of the more destructive sequences, then loaded his own zen garden as a means of comfort.

He was quickly met with a storm, rain pressing down on them and thunder crashing over the artificial sky. ‘Hell, Nines, you really aren’t okay at all…’ He pulled Nines to the central pavilion to get out of the rain and helped him sit down. ‘Nines. You have to tell me how you feel. All of it.’ ‘I don’t want him to die!’, Nines shouted out, now that Connor’s self-analysing protocols bled through the connection and made his inner turmoil somewhat clearer. ‘I need him, and I want him to come back, I…’ He looked up at Connor, his avatar’s face far more expressive as his real body could be. He looked desperate, but also shocked at the realisation. ‘I love him…’ ‘You love him?’, Connor asked, expecting almost anything but his younger brother, who hadn’t been designed to interact with humans at all, to fall in love.

‘I… I wondered why I always felt warm around him. I thought it was a malfunction, but as temperature is irrelevant for me, I disregarded it. He made my thorium pump race whenever we were close, but we mostly get close to each other on missions, so I chalked it up to the stress. I… Now it feels as if I froze over and as if my pump beats only to sustain me with the minimum. I’m… afraid? Is that the right description?’ Connor nodded and held him close as the thunder rumbled around them. ‘It’s okay to be afraid. I wouldn’t know how I would react were Hank to almost die. I can only imagine how it feels for you. You were never really confronted with such stressors.’ ‘I want it to end. I want Gavin to come back.’ ‘He will.’ ‘How can you be so sure?’ Connor looked at him. Telling him how Gavin was an ambitious asshole that was simply too stubborn to die so easily, wouldn’t help, so he just sighed and held his brother while keeping his systems stable. ‘Experience.’

- The surgery took eight hours. Only then Connor dared to close the interface and listen as the doctor explained to Nines what they had done. The smile on the woman’s face let Nines’ stress levels sink almost as much as the message itself had: Gavin was stable and had been taken to the CCU to be observed as he woke up. Of course Nines wasn’t accepting that fact until he had seen it for himself and the doctor reluctantly send him a nurse to take him there.

As he entered the room, his pump stocked. Gavin lied there in a dimmed room, a respiratory tube still in his throat and hooked up to several monitoring machines. But his chest was rising and falling, and the heart monitor was beeping steadily. ‘You can wait here for him to wake up. He won’t be able to speak with the tube, but if everything works out, we will remove it after a few hours. Call us if you need anything.’ ‘Can I-‘ Nines felt bad for asking as he was saying it, but now he had already begun, he could as well continue. ‘Can I hold his hand?’ ‘Of course. Don’t touch his chest, but I believe it will help him a great deal waking up with it.’ She gave him an honest smile and Nines hurried over, pulling himself a chair and gripping Gavin’s hand immediately. Maybe with a bit too much pressure, but Nines couldn’t help it. Fixed on his face, guarding his vital signs, his fingers soon relaxed and moved to his wrist to monitor his pulse himself. It finally let him relax. His heart was beating. His heart was beating slowly and steadily. He was alive. His human was alive.

Warnings he had disregarded until now popped up and Nines noticed how bad his condition had been before. He would have to thank Connor later. Maybe for more than only keeping his systems up and running. He looked at Gavin’s closed eyes, then to the scar on his nose, eyes brushing past the tube in his mouth to the huge reddened stitched cut on his chest. It was strange to think it had never occurred to him before that what he had deemed malfunctions could have been social protocols his deviancy had gifted him with during his adaption to life without a purpose. He loved Gavin. It was a strange word to use, but what was it but a declaration for complex actions of his body he wasn’t able to control? He loved him. He couldn’t wait to tell him.

He had to wait half an hour – a both endless time and gone in the blink of an eye. At once, regular breathing changed to one longer inhale, then eyes slowly slid open, sluggishly rolling around taking in his surroundings. They closed again Nines felt Gavin’s hand gripping his unconsciously. The human’s brows furrowed then, and he looked at his side. He tried to speak, but the tube muffled it into incomprehensible gibberish. ‘I’m here’, Nines said anyways. ‘You are at the hospital. You were stabbed.’ He had to stop Gavin’s free hand from trailing where the knife had stuck in his chest and held it too. ‘I took you here. The doctors performed surgery right away. You are okay. You are stable, now your body just has to heal.’

Gavin pressed his head into the pillow and closed his eyes, breathing deeply. Nines didn’t know what to do and imitated what Connor had done with him a while ago. He started brushing his thumb over his knuckles and if his skin retracted, he told himself it was a malfunction of recreating the scene. ‘The nurse said the tube will be removed soon if everything is alright. I… I have to tell you something then.’ Gavin frowned at him then, but Nines tried his horrible recreation of a forced smile and the human relaxed.

Two hours later, Nines had to step back as the nurses did the check-up on Gavin, inspecting the incision for infection and removing the tube, helping him to cough without irritating his wound and giving him some water for his dried out throat. After leaving a set of clothes, they left the room and Nines moved closer again, taking Gavin’s hand without hesitation. ‘You are a goddamn lifesaver, toaster’, the human whispered hoarsely at him, but smiled afterwards. ‘Never going to let me live that down, eh?’ Nines just watched him motionless. ‘You wanted to tell me something?’ The android nodded and scanned Gavin once again. ‘I love you’, he admitted quietly. ‘You…’ ‘I loved you for a while. I only noticed now because- My systems registered malfunctions that were gone as you were in danger of dying. I… I were short of self-destructing as Connor came to help. He helped me and I realised I… I loved you.’

Gavin stared at him and Nines was awkwardly made aware that until recently they hadn’t even been real work partners, much less time they had spent as friends. Maybe- ‘Nines?’ He looked up and silently waited for Gavin to continue. ‘I can’t sit up yet, so I have you to come lean forwards.’ Confused, Nines did so, asking himself what Gavin was planning. The Detective huffed a laugh as Nines had simply leaned straight forwards, hovering over his face. He couldn’t really reach his goal from there, but he just shrugged and took what he could.

Nines recoiled slightly, as he was kissed on the point of his nose. He was still processing as Gavin giggled and had to stop with a wince, as the movement pulled at his wound. ‘You got the message?’, he whispered and coughed. ‘I…’ Nines felt the heat coming back into his chest and sensed his pump running faster. On top of it, his synthetic skin glitched and turned blue around his cheeks. ‘I think I do.’