#I got the double whammy insomnia

[deadwrites]

5 hours of sleep

[storms-path]

FFXIV Write 2023 Day 22 - Fulsome

Arashi and Sanda stared at the perfumed missive held in Arashi’s hands with ill-disguised disgust. The flowing, flowery script was an unfortunately familiar one, as were the effusive compliments praising the very ground the Washi sisters walked on. Hancock needed a favour.

Shallow Moor looked at the pair with undisguised pity. “This was the fifth such missive we’ve received in a week, hand delivered by the man himself this time.” Even a few minutes around the man had been enough to last a lifetime, but here she was sending the sisters across the sea to assist him personally. Arashi looked at Sanda with the long-suffering look of someone about to regret their words and deeds.

“We’ll never heard the end of this until we go talk to him.” A grim prospect, but better to tear off the plaster quickly than to peel it off slowly. Sanda’s expression mirrored Arashi’s own, but she managed a reluctant nod.

“I’ve been told to offer his most profuse and outstanding thanks for your kind assistance,” Shallow said. His words, repeated no less than three times to ensure Shallow wouldn’t misremember them. It had been a point of pride among the Gleaners that none of them had introduced him to the harbour waters during his mercifully brief visit.

With a final grimace the Washi sisters concentrated, then disappeared. Kugane bound. Good luck, you poor things. Shallow looked around to ensure nobody was looking, then crumpled up the missive and kicked it directly into the harbour. It was nowhere near the real thing, but it felt good all the same.

[cosybunny]

Hello there :DD!! I finally finished rereading your fanfic "Act 1: Seashell Town" and only just noticed the tumblr account you mentioned in the notes :33!! I really enjoyed reading Seashell town, it was incredibly well written and you got Sonic and Shadows personalities down to a T, I loved the way everyone interacted and even though I didn't trust Quinn in the first place (Very well done on that btw, it was such subtle foreshadowing and if I wasn't so used to picking up on that stuff I really wouldn't have <3) it was still a shock just to see how MUCH he was a bad person!! Im incredibly excited to read Act 2, and was curious of weather or not there would be any updates on when that may be inproduction/released!! I loveeed the first one and I cant wait to see what comes from the second one! :3

This lovely ask made my whole day, oh my goodness! I'm putting it on the prized shelf with all the wonderful stuff that gives me the warm 'n fuzzies. Thank you so much for taking the time to write in. I'm glad you found my blog! I'm even gladder you enjoyed the story.

I wanted to give the vibe that something wasn't quite right with Quinn right off the bat. I'm happy to hear the foreshadowing hit right! The town itself had just enough cracks to let him go unchecked. Crafting his character and biting into his motivations was incredibly fun. After all, he doesn't see himself as a bad guy, so he doesn't act like it (until he absolutely does). My favourite sinister bit is how he immediately asks where Shadow went when he meets up with Sonic again... Makes ya wonder if Sonic might've had an unfortunate fall off the wharf if he'd gone there without his scary guard dog privileges. Plus, I really love implying how protective and close Shadow's been throughout the story (who can blame him? sonic gets into trouble as soon as you take your eyes off him). Double whammy! 💖💖💖

I have a habit of becoming obsessed over one story at a time, but I always end up improving my skill a bit by the end of it. I'm planning to finish up my current obsession (a MHA fic called More Human Than Human) and then write Act 2 with my sharpened skills. Don't worry! It's gonna happen! I'm still obsessed. Spooky season is the best season for haunted hijinks, so I wish I could've gotten it released in October. Unfortunately insomnia and life's been kicking my butt these last few months! Meanies. Smh. Where's a Sonic to spindash through the horrors when I need one? /silly

Thank you again for writing to me! I hope the second act will be just as enjoyable to read as the first when it comes out. I appreciate the heck outta this ask. ✨💖

[the-rogue-mockingjay]

6 + 10 for the wol questions 🥺

ty gigi!! /dote 🩷

6. how does your wol feel about romance? are they a hopeless romantic, waiting for The One, or are they more casual? do they believe in soulmates?

O'ravi has some mixed feelings on it lol. In her youth she was something of a hopeless romantic, though it wasn't something she actively searched for (her priorities were more on traveling and learning every piece of music, art, and folklore she could get her hands on). She's always wanted a good, solid relationship, but she also hasn't considered it something attainable for most of her life tbh. She also just never really met anyone she had a connection with/felt attracted to (she's ace and autistic so it's a double whammy of not only are such feelings extremely rare, it's super difficult for her to identify what those feelings are when she has them ldkjfhdkjg).

Her feelings for Haurchefant had started shifting into the romantic in the time leading up to the Vault but she didn't recognize it until. Well. 🥲It was too late. She'd had a very fleeting like 3-day crush on Aymeric when she met him in ARR but after the initial 😳💕 he was just an ally/friend to her. She did eventually fall in love with Aymeric for real (in the days after the Royal Menagerie to be specific; it had been building for a while), and it tore her to shreds inside because she felt that even just being friends with him was putting his life in danger, by virtue of the death and chaos that follows her, Twelve FORBID she became romantically involved with him- in her mind, that'd be no different than going and personally shooting him dead fldgjkhfdkjgh. She didn't stop believing that until after the ENW finale, when she was finally, decisively free of her fate.

She wholeheartedly believes in soulmates, but not in the romantic sense, necessarily; her definition of it is someone who you will reunite with and love in every lifetime, regardless of the type of that love. The list of people that she considers soulmates includes Themis, Aymeric, Haurchefant, Hythlodaeus, and Emet-Selch. Zenos goes on that list too depending on the day, other days she hates him and finds him repulsive lfkjghfdjkgh. Regardless of how she feels, she fully expects to see him in every lifetime from here out, though. She has very mixed feelings about that.

10. how does your wol sleep? very light? very heavy? do they need a specific item to fall asleep, or does it take them forever? where do they prefer sleeping?

O'ravi's a very light sleeper, always has been, and she hates sleeping alone (her tribe doesn't do that, they typically prefer to share space or sleep in sort of cuddle piles if the temperature gets low enough where that's an option). When she first left home and began traveling Eorzea alone, it was a huge adjustment. She's also always been someone who dozes off for 5-10 minutes in the weirdest places (a la those pics of actors sleeping between takes in random nooks on movie sets), and now that she has fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue post-ENW, she's doing this more than ever. Catch her taking cat naps in the sun in between Dawntrail MSQ objectives 😂

After Operation Archon, she started getting nightmares on a regular basis, and this just continually got worse over time. I think she also struggles with insomnia, the intensity of which varies but was worst during Endwalker and Stormblood. Now, a year or two post-ENW, she still has these problems (and will for the rest of her life), but they're semi-manageable.

Her favorite place to sleep is cuddled up to Aymeric 🥹 she unofficially moved in with him a long time ago (sometime between Final Steps of Faith and Post-Dragonsong MSQ) and originally had her own room, but after ENW his room became her room too and it's probably the place she feels safest tbh

[pre-dt wol asks]

[irrigos]

🛌 — How's their sleep schedule?

BAD. WRETCHED. tbh i dont think ive ever made an oc that's good at sleeping because its hard to imagine that someone, somewhere, might be good at it.

Morgan, I thought, would actually enjoy being an early riser, but they can never manage to go to sleep early enough (except for the times they just forgo sleep entirely). I think when they're older (especially after they're married, and ESPECIALLY after they've had a kid), they stop staying up working at all hours and go to bed early enough that they can wake up early

Eliot is likewise bad at sleeping, because he's got the double-whammy of depression-insomnia and depression-oversleeping.

Fallen London OC ask meme

[scientiastudy]

Pleeease can we get a fic of Ignis taking care of reader after they're injured doing something dangerous and he's quietly very mad but needs to make sure they're ok

HKEHFSF OF COURSE YOU CAN!!

Pairing: Ignis Scientia x Reader

Word count: 1.4k

Rating: G

Content: Hurt/Comfort (literally), mutual pining, protective Ignis, fluff, one-shot

Author's note: Once again this got out of control because my mind is all Ignis 25/8. I love this trope so much and I love Ignis so it was a double whammy. Enjoy!

Ignis huffs as he dabs your wounds with disinfectant, drawing a hiss of pain from you at the sting. You’d been a victim of a coeurl hunt gone south. One of their electrifying whiskers had gotten you right in the chest, rendering you useless for about half of the fight. You’d been infinitely thankful when Prompto had come to your aid with a potion and a cheeky smile, but now you wish he’d left you there to rot.

Okay, maybe that’s a little dramatic, but the silent treatment Ignis was giving you was enough for you to prefer the company of the coeurls.

Ignis had been opposed to the hunt from the start. Not only did he think it was beneath a king to run around doing jobs for mercenaries, but he had been hesitant about your targets as well. He’d taken the entire drive to lecture your party on the instant-death attacks coeurls could dole out, as well as all their electric abilities and tendencies to maul hunters. That had been enough to get Prompto on his side, but not the rest.

Gladio had no such reservations about your quarry. He thought it was good combat training for Noct, and nobody was ever going to see Gladiolus Amicitia back down from a challenge. He’d dismissed Ignis’s concerns with a cocky grin, and you were 90% sure he’d tuned out his lecture from the way he’d been quietly snoring in the back of the Regalia.

You and Noct shared neither of the two’s opinions. Noct saw it as just another job, and you saw it as a chance for a new adventure. That wasn’t to say you were particularly excited about fighting murderous electric cats, but being outside of Insomnia and seeing the beasts you’d only heard about in stories was intoxicating.

When it had finally gotten down to the nitty-gritty, your excitement had been cut short by a coeurl whisker to the chest. ‘Great,’ you thought, ‘Just what Specs warned me about.’

Now, as you sit on the cold counter of your hotel bathroom, you wish you’d taken his words to heart.

When the five of you had arrived to your room, Ignis had immediately directed you to the bathroom with a shake of his head and a sigh. He hadn’t said a word since the two of you had entered the small room, and the silence was killing you.

Under any other circumstance, you’d be mortified you were shirtless in front of Ignis Scientia, but now it makes you want to get swallowed up by the floor and die.

Okay, again, a little dramatic, but having the man you’ve had a crush on for Six knows how long see your chest molted black and blue with electricity was not how you’d wanted this to go.

Of course, Ignis is nothing if not professional. You’re seated on the edge of the counter facing him, your legs separated to accommodate the older man as he works. His fingers are clinical and precise as they apply ointment over the affected areas, soothing the dry and burnt skin that the curatives had failed to heal. It isn’t so much his gaze that’s killing you, but the silence.

A talking Ignis you can work with, a lecturing one even more so. But silence? Oh you know you’ve screwed up this time.

The silence persists as Ignis unwraps a roll of bandages, the crackling of the unrolling filling the bathroom as Ignis begins to wrap the fabric around your chest. You’ve been patched up enough by him to know that this is signaling the end of the ritual, and you couldn’t be more glad.

He taps you on your shoulder, your cue to hop off the counter and turn around so he can seal the bandage on your back. You do as instructed, secretly savoring the gentle but firm touch of his fingers now that he isn’t looking.

You feel him rip the edge of the bandage and press it down, but oddly his hand doesn’t move after the bandage has been sealed. You both stand there for a moment, your heart hammering in your chest.

“I do wish you wouldn’t be so reckless,” Ignis’s voice is so sudden against the silence that you almost jump at the noise.

“I- uh-” You fumble for words as your traitorous brain fails you. “I’m sorry,” You say, your voice quiet and meek. “I’ve just been so excited since we left Insomnia, y’know? I’ve never had a chance to see any of these things in person before. It gets the better of me sometimes, I’m sorry,” You inwardly cringe. Despite your low tone, your words feel too clumsy and unwieldy in the air between the two of you.

Ignis still hasn’t moved his hand. The touch of his fingers between your shoulder blades feels more electric than any coeurl whisker could ever be, and you resist the urge to shiver under them.

“I know,” He replies, his voice low.”But please remember that while Noct is my formal charge, it does me no pleasure to see you in these situations.”

You’re suddenly infinitely grateful that you aren’t facing Ignis. You can’t see yourself, but you’re certain your face is redder than a tomato at the moment. Your heart hammers in your chest and your blood roars in your ears at his words. You fight to remind your rational brain that he means this as a friend, that he’d say the same thing to Prompto or Gladio in a heartbeat. But with his hand on your back and his voice rumbling behind you, all rational thought is out the window.

You nod, not entirely trusting your voice to not betray the utter panic happening in your head and heart.

You momentarily panic even more, your mind completely scrambling as his fingers begin gently trailing down your spine, leaving little sparks in their wake. Oh Astrals, you’re going to tell Prompto just to leave you to die next time.

But just as quickly as they appeared, his fingers leave your back as you feel him step back from behind you. You stay stock still where you stand, afraid to even breathe and ruin whatever moment is happening between the two of you. You hear him sigh again and walk towards to door, and before you know what you’re doing, your arm shoots out to gently grab him by the sleeve. Oh dear Astrals what am I doing-

When you meet his gaze, you see a flicker of surprise and confusion from behind his glasses. You’re certain you’re redder than the paint in Cindy’s garage as you flick your eyes down to where you have his sleeve caught between your fingers.

“Thank you,” You mutter, in what you hope is your most sincere voice.

Ignis doesn’t reply at first, you can feel his familiar calculating gaze rolling over you as you once again wish to disappear into thin air. Gnawing anxiety fills your chest, and you begin to worry that you’ve ruined whatever is happening here, that you’ve totally misread the situation and Ignis is going to think you’re more eccentric than the chancellor himself.

It only intensifies when Ignis turns towards you again, fully facing you as your mind races.

Unexpectedly, he steps towards you again, the familiar scent of laundry detergent and a mix of spices you can’t quite name filling your nose. You both preen and panic when he places a hand on the back of your head, your heart beating out of your chest as he gently places a kiss into your hair.

You freeze again, briefly wondering if maybe you’d died when that coeurl had hit you. That had to be it, the shock had stopped your heart and now you were in the afterlife living out some sort of self-imposed illusion.

Unfortunately, the warmth from his lips radiating through your hair, the hand on the crown of your head, and the heat from his chest confirmed that this is, in fact, reality.

But as quickly as the moment comes, it’s gone. Ignis slowly pulls away, and you resist the urge to chase his warmth. He makes his way to the door again, and you swear you see the slightest hint of pink dusting his cheeks.

Maybe you'll let Prompto revive you next time after all.

[subwaysurf45]

Code Star

Summary: a code word you and Bucky share is used; but it’s not in a good way.

Warning: panic attack, ripping out hair, addiction(little bit)

Words: 2030

Masterlist!

"Agent. Agent. Copy agent?" Friday spoke through the speakers in your room, it was louder than normal and also in the middle of the night which was the reason you woke up with a gasp.

"C-copy," you spat out, you typically sleep with your mouth open, so it gets dry when you first wake.

"Mr. Barns is calling you, he says it's 'code star'." Your stomach dropped, from all the adrenaline from waking up with a scare and the code, you sprinted down the hall way.

-

It was late and you were in the kitchen, you were trying to separate from your sleeping pills because during your last mission you couldn't sleep because you forgot them, you were addicted to them. So you needed to take a step back, learn to fall asleep on your own.

After asking around there was a tea Wanda recommended, it was lavender tea and she said it's the best with honey. You were currently steeping your bag and had honey beside you.

You took the soggy bag out and turned to the compost bin, after dropping it in and turned around you almost slipped because Bucky was right there.

Standing frozen. Dead face. Staring at you.

"Jesus fucking Christ!" You yelled, not caring if it woke someone up, "what's wrong with you?" You realized you clutched at your heart through your sweater.

He was on the other side of the island, but he seemed to be leaning over a bit, he looked down at your steaming mug and then back at you.

"I- I was going to say hi and then I liked the smell of your tea and then when you turned I looked up at you, I-I didn't mean to freak you out, that must have been really scary, sorry." He looked down into the cup again. "What is it?" He finally asked.

You let your guard down a bit, "lavender," you never looked away from him, "and honey." That was the most he'd ever said to you since he showed up two months ago, he stayed in his room the first month.

"Nice," he nodded, his metal arm coming up and rubbing the back of his neck.

"There's extra water, I can make you one." You knew he was going to ask for your cup, but you really need to hit the sack.

His face lit up in the dark, "perfect!" He half smiled.

You poured the other cup and steeped the another bag, then added honey as well. You both stayed where you were on either side of the island.

"Why are you up?" He asked while blowing on the tea, his voice was below normal level.

"Just can't sleep," you sigh and look over to the common room, no one was there but you really didn't want to meet his eyes.

"I get that," he spoke awkwardly and looked over as well, thinking you were studying something.

"I'm-...I'm trying to get if sleeping pills my shit therapist prescribed for me," you looked back at him, his eye brows raised and his head tilted forty-five degrees.

"Sleeping pills?"

"Insomnia."

"Oh..." he spoke to himself and looked down again, his thumb rubbing the smooth ceramic handle of the blue mug that wasn't his. "I get nightmares." He stated blankly, but he didn't look up at his statement.

"Is it..." you tried to find the right words to not trigger him, "before the war, like America...or later on…in life...?" You danced around the question, Steve had told you mentioning certain things can get Bucky really freaked out.

"My mind," he laughed sarcastically, "it likes to mix the two," he pulled one side of his mouth tight.

"Double-whammy," you whispered, then froze at the sound of a giggle, Bucky chuckled. "What?"

"No-I-I just...I get that reference," he seemed proud, his face seemed to fall quickly though, circling back, "my arm is weird, it's like my human arm but the star," he points to the red, "is like sewn in, I don't know what it means but..." he trialed off.

"Well, if you need help, just call a code star, I'll come to your room and bring you some tea, how about that?" You smile.

"What? Like a friend?"

"Yeah, why not?"

"Okay," he smiled and nodded, "alright," his fingers drummed on the counter, "I'm gonna take this back to my room, but I'll remember that." He nodded and left, but caught himself at the corner to the rooms, "hey, agent," he spoke normal, you looked, "if you're gonna be my friend, don't ask 'what's wrong with me?', because trust me...I’ll talk you to your grave." He smirked.

“Noted, Sargent.” You’ve never seen him joke with you before, it felt comforting.

-

'Code star' had never been used for its newer purpose before, as the friendship and relationship grew 'code star' became 'code lavender', it happened after Bucky called 'code star' once while he was having a panic attack, you took so long to make the tea he was passed out by the time you showed up.

'Code lavender': make a tea, meet in the kitchen.

'Code star': panic attack, drop everything a come.

You sprinted down the hallway to the very last room, you could hear laboured breathing as you got closer. Typically you'd knock softly and come in quietly, not this time.

You whipped open the door to see Bucky staring slightly down on the edge of his bed, he was rocking back and forth as his fingers ripped and pulled on his long hair. His pupils blew wide and his lips curled causing his teeth to flash, he didn't even look up at you.

A loud bang from your knees hitting the hardwood didn't phase him either, you tired to duck down to meet his line of eye sight but you couldn't get down enough.

"Bucky, look at me!" You pulled his hands out of his hair, as you made him drop them to his side you found a pile of hair outside his thighs, "oh god," you whispered, your hand unlacing with his to pick up the locks, the free hand of his went straight back to tugging. "Don't do that, don't do that." You hushed and took it out again, a tuff came with it. "Bucky, look at me," you said calmer now, you needed to be the example. "Bucky, nod if you can hear me."

He didn't nod, his eyes stayed locked on your chest. They didn't move there, he was already looking there, it was like he was looking through you.

You kept his hands clumped in your right hand and your left hand began to trace around his face, starting at his cheeks that were dry, little circles led to cross the bridge the nose a couple times. You also started humming, a song you heard Bucky and Steve sing once while drunk and having fun.

His eye brows seemed to raise for a second at the tune, but he quickly fell back into his short shallow breathes. You kept going, your finger gently tracing his cleft chin, it was always something you pinched when joking around with him.

"Wake up, Bucky," you whispered after finishing the song, you started the tune again. His breathing seemed to slow a little and his almost black eyes moved around a bit, "there you go," you cupped his cheek, now just shifting your thumb back and forth. You didn't know if he'd start to pull his hair out again so you kept both the metal and flesh hand covered with your left.

His breathing went to normal, his rib cage expanding wide as he took voluntary breathes. His eyes were shut tight but you felt him lean into your hand that was still holding his cheek.

"Are you with me?" You asked softly, he leaned into your hand again, his hand slowly made it up to his face and he placed his hand over yours, gently guiding it down to his lips; his kisses to your palm were long and filled with their own language.

"I'm here," his voice cut out and became a breath, but you heard him. His eyes looked up before his head moved, he locked eyes with you and something changed.

It was like he was seeing you for the first time, eyes a little wide and confused; but knowing at the same time. They became misty the more he looked, he was never one to cry so he dropped his head to cover the tears.

"It's okay," you hushed, he dropped your hand and leaned forward, basically throwing his entire body weight onto you. You fell back to the floor and he cried in your chest, you saw some of his hair fall with him. "Let it out," your arms wrapped around him and began to rub all along his back, huge, gentle, soothing rubs.

"I-I killed you all," his voice sounded like a dog panting from his short breathes that came when he talked, "I- couldn't s-stop," his 's' slithered like snakes as he tries get sufficient air and talk.

"We're all here, just a dream." It was the same mantra, "we're all here, you're safe, it was a nightmare, you're out of it now. There you go, big breathes, you're doing great, you're a pro at this, keep breathing." You let the broken record play, he seemed to get smaller at every praise.

He sat up and leaned against the bed, Bucky pulled his sleeve around his fist to hold it tight. When he wiped his face it was aggressive, like he was mad at himself. He just stared at you like he always did, you were alway involved in his dreams so he needed to look at you to stay grounded.

"Sorry," his 's' still slurred, "I-...I'm sorry," he wanted to say something else, you could hear it in his tone. His head dropped, Bucky almost fell over at the sight of his hair, "did I do that?" He asked, his nose turned up.

All you did was nod, any verbal answer would've sounded almost grossed out or accusatory. He sighed and looked between the hair and you, he wanted to say something, he'd already stopped himself once.

"Tell me," you whispered.

"I want to cut my hair," Bucky responded softly, "I-I also want to sleep on the floor from now own." He seemed ashamed of the second ask.

"You like the cold?" You tried to figure him out.

"That and it's...comforting...I think," Bucky scratched his head, his metal hand slowing at the thin spot from tugging, "it just grounds me, I'm not used to fluffy things- nicer things."

"How about a mattress pad, you're back will scream at you in the morning." You tried to lighten the mood, he smiled a bit and then nodded. "How about you come sleep in my room tonight, just so I can keep an eye on you and if you want to sleep on my firm mattress you can hop on, how's that?" You stood and held your hand out, Bucky nodded and clapped his metal hand to yours.

You led him down the hallway and to your room, it was really quiet and almost off putting. You slept barefoot so the sound of soft footsteps from your feet was the only thing you heard, Bucky wore socks.

He went straight to your bed and felt the mattress, both hands pressing down on it to see the give it has. You felt a little happy when he was nodding in a positive way; his bottom lip also pouted out.

Bucky slipped in and you joined as well, he stayed still for a while, on his back and staring at the ceiling.

"Y'know, you can cuddle," you whispered, without another second to blink Bucky's face rested on your chest, his arm circled your body completely in a tight hug. Your hands found their way to his back and to his hair, softly lulling him to sleep, "I'll cut your hair in the morning."

"Love you," he murmured.

[wrotelovelytears]

Some things I dislike about being Neurodivergent™ :

Hyper fixate on something just to eventually completely drop it because its ✨boring✨

Due to that hyper focusing- spending money... A lot on whatever it is just to regret it months or weeks later.

Getting extremely bored and literally feeling shitty because of it

Felling super productive then not having a will to move

Because I lucked out and got a Personality Disorder too🙄. When I get too bored, I feel ✨empty✨ on the inside with very great thoughts about myself

And due to the combo of the PD and ADHD, I have a tendency to not have healthy situations or behaviors

I'm really forgetful, then I remember and feel ✨guilty✨

When I don't wanna do something, I gotta get pushed... A lot..

AP Depression

AP Anxiety

Crying because... There's no reason I just start crying

Having your hypersensitivity being called moody or an attitude

Physical health issues not being taken seriously until I'm on deaths bed "suddenly"

The need to have audio (amd tactile) stimulation but controlled or I panic because what the fuck is that noise?

Constantly worry about how others see me

Again with the double whammy, ✨shifting personality✨ ✨shifting identities✨ ✨shifting ideas✨ in fact I pick up people's traits faster than the pandemic picks up new variants

✨Existing✨ not living

Without certain stimulates I'm drained more than usual and that makes me physically sicker

✨Insomnia✨

Social meter runs out faster than my patience for loud people

✨The police... as an existence✨

Having your dyslexia be confused with stupidity

Reading out loud in class

Getting called weird for my interests. Or worst not Black

Being quiet and getting told its an attitude or I'm being a sterotype

Exclaiming something "loud" and being told I'm yet again being a stereotype.

Being introverted and being assumed mean. (Bitch I'm scared of YOU if anything. Besides no need to talk of there's nothing important to say).

Having Autistic traits and being assumed that its just a personality quirk instead of Autism because.... Get this... I'm Black 👁👄👁

Being Black with all of this. I just don't get to talk about my experiences of being misdiagnosed, mistreated, and unheard. People literally can't understand Black people can be Neurodivergent and it causes a lot more hurt than folks wanna admit. That includes those who are ND and not Black, its just the getting spoken over or told your reactions to things (especially racism) are overblown. I barely see Black NDs talked about unless its in a negative light and trust and believe thats so harmful.

Then I happen to not be a man either so people really take joy in going ✨its just trauma✨ without realizing that in itself, is painful. It just tells me to be quiet and not make a fuss.

This a side note:

I hate the manic pixie dream girl stereotype. It came from Borderline Personality Disorder(which people talk down on), and got extended to Autism (and somewhat ADHD). As someone who has had actual manic episodes and been told "I can fix you". I promise you no sane person wants those problems nor wants to be sexualized due to the way they were born. Its weird and you weird if you think its cool.

[lotzzoforangezoutside]

30-Fic Rec Challenge

I stumbled back into reading X-Files fanfic shortly after my birthday last year, so it’s been roughly a year of reading over 350 fanfics. I recently did a 30-book rec challenge and thought it was a good exercise.

So here’s my list for 30 recommended X-Files fanfic-- many oldies but so good. I tried not to repeat on the authors but got one double-whammy. Oops.

Oh, and they are all MSR, of course they are.

1. Currently reading: The Eden Series by Char Chaffin

Taken hostage during a 'deep cover' operation, Mulder and Scully lose   their memories, their very existence as humans… and must find a way to   survive against overwhelming odds… only to discover the monster responsible   for their attempted demise is still out there in the world - and making new   plans for them...         

2. A short fic you like: Detour by Apostrophic

“Second verse.”

3. A novel-length fic you like: Vox Mulder: Fired and Wired by darwin_xf  

When did the rash, brash, solipsistic, arrogant Agent Mulder quit his ditching and bitching ways and morph into the attuned, sensitive, generous, still gorgeous guy who wooed and won Scully (a-gain) years later? What if the giving started with a donation? Hmmmm. Begins at the end of season six and weaves through season seven... And perhaps beyond? Grounded in canon, but diverges in places. Replaces the Amor Fati trilogy. Here's my take on what woulda happened if the writers didn't harbor undue aggression toward the characters...

4. An AU fic that you like: Any Other Name by Louise Marin

Different dreamers live different Dreams. Will they ever be the same again?                            

5. A fic you like that has a person’s name in the title: Belphegor's Prime by Prufrock's Love

When someone wrote Time Travel for Dummies, the guidebook should include a chapter titled "Love as a Form of Self-flagellation." Or "She's Your Touchstone, You're a Stranger." Mulder's old files documented time travel, parallel universes, and wormholes. Back in the day, he'd been a regular G-man with a hot partner, a hazy job description, and a plan to thwart an alien invasion. Then the world ended. Scully vanished. And none of his X-files offered any guidance on romance in a time of pleated pants and shoulder pads. 

6. A fic that made you feel nostalgic: Eli, Eli Author by Marguerite

How do you pick up the pieces when the pieces have disappeared?

7. A fic that made you cried: Anamorphosis by Megan Reilly

Assigned to find a horrifying serial murderer, Agent Scully discovers things about herself and her past that she never suspected.

8. A fic you like that’s written by an author that’s passed away: Thank You for Shopping at K-Mart by Brandon D. Ray

Fill-in-the-blank for Arcadia. You gotta figure that the FBI evidence room wouldn't have been able to provide Moose and Squirrel with quite *everything* they needed for playing house together, right?

9. A fic you like that has a title of less than three words: Grand Seven by Jess Mabe

When Mulder voluntarily disappears, Scully traces him to an oil drilling platform in the Grand Banks. But what she finds there will lead her question everything she believes she knows about... extra-terrestrials.

10.A post-episode fic you like: 10:24 pm, Apt. 42, 2630 Hegal Place, Alexandria by leyenn

Hospitals, shadowy conspiracies, lies, deceit and insomnia - it's pretty much a standard week. There has to be another side to it all, or they'd go... well, even more crazy. Right?

11.A fic that you wish to be televised: The Games We Play by Wintersong

Mulder and Scully participate in an FBI wargame that raises interesting questions about what game is being played...and the identities of the players.

12.A cute fic: Melioration by Oracle

A late autumn bloom.

13.A fic that made your heart raced: Tine Rua by Menagerie  

Phoebe Green is back and Scully isn't having it. Phoebe tries to enlist Mulder's help with a case and gets the agents engtangled in an international crime.

14.A scary fic: And if I make my bed in Sheol by Threeguesses   

Mulder becomes his own x-file.

15.A fic you like that has the word love in the title:  Ghost, A Love Story By Jenna Tooms

The dead are always with us.

16. One of the first fics you remember really liking: Wager by Sweet Almond

Phoebe challenges Scully to a contest that she cannot refuse.

17. A good casefile: Psyched by Ten    

What do you do when a vengeful psychic lets loose embarrassing info about your partner, then, as an encore, reveals one of your own dark secrets?

18. A fic you like that has a color in the title: Blue Christmas by Plausible Deniability 

'Tis the night before Christmas, and Scully's holiday is turning out a little differently than she expected.

19. A fic you that you’ve read several times: Jasper's Last Thought by MD1016

Scully is abducted again, and returned to find her world has changed.

20. A fic in your ‘to-read’ list: Heuvelmans' On the Track by The_Mythopoeic 

No summary provided by author.

21. A *classic* fic that you’ve not read but have been meaning to read: Blood Oranges by syntax6           

The latest victim in a series of brutal murders  has a surprising connection to Mulder, but it's Scully who  has the connection to the killer.  Their relationship might  not survive either one.

22. A fic you read as a WIP or the author did not finish: 87 Shades of Black by Slipping Mickeys

When, once again, the most important choices of Mulder and Scully's lives are made for them, they learn that sometimes the best way to take back control is to simply fade to black.

23. A fic you’d recommend to a Phile who doesn’t read fic: a weatherman to know which way the wind blows by zauberer_sirin     

These are not all the ways and whys and hows Mulder loves Scully, just some. In reverse.

24. A dark fic: The Darkest Hour by Prufrock's Love

The Consortium intends to destroy Mulder by  traumatizing Scully, but instead, Mulder learns two  lessons: his capacity to love, and her ability live.

25. A fic you like that has an element of time in the title: Five Years and One Night by Shalimar

No summary provided by author.

26. A fic you like that was written before 2000: All the Mulders by Alloway

In the alien-controlled post-Project future, the bond between Scully and Mulder evolves into a strange and bittersweet romance.

27. A fic you read a while ago that stayed in your head: Objects Are Closer Than They Appear by Waywar

Arcadia post-ep story

28. A fic that you wish was longer, or hope for sequels: I Have Known A Boy Named Fox, and A Man Named Mulder by Penny Daza

Mulder becomes Fox.  It's a journey that he and Scully could not have ever prepared for.

29. The last fic you finished: Seeds Of Synchronicity by mountainphile

Six years after the events of "Aubrey," Scully and Mulder revisit the Missouri town to confront old demons and lay new ones to rest.

30.A fic you want to recommend just because: Small Lives Awake by Jesemie's Evil Twin

Thanksgiving, 2000.  

[mikeyd1986]

WINDWAKER w/ Tapestry & Heartline @ BANG! February 2020

I never thought I’d see myself back at BANG! again especially after all the bad experiences I’ve had there in the past. From being socially excluded to trying my hardest to be a Destroy All Lines promoter (and failing to connect with the other elitist hosts) to rude security guards on power trips, things didn’t really end on a positive note for me. I also was finding that the loud nightclub vibes inside the venue just weren’t aligning with my own! I just didn’t fit the mould of most people who attended BANG! (extroverts, party animals, millennials, smokers, obnoxious drunk people, superficial people with huge egos). Plus I am getting older!

Now at 33 (and turning 34 very soon), going out to night clubs isn’t high on my priority list these days! In fact, I’m usually ready for bed by 9.30pm. Plus I’ve also had significant health issues from depression and anxiety to fatigue and insomnia. All of the things pose a threat to me continuing to attend local gigs especially late at night! I’ve literally had to use stimulants such as caffeine and pre-workout supplements as a crutch just to stay alert and not doze off into the evening.

So when this show came along, I was initially hesitant especially when I saw that the doors would be opening at 10pm. How on Earth was I going to stay awake and focused until then let alone when I got inside the venue? This week I had the double whammy of deciding to stop taking my prescription sleep medication due to increased side effects and dependency.

Plus my roster at work has recently changed to early starts on Sunday and Monday as well as afternoon starts on Tuesday and Wednesday! I’ve also had a fairly hectic schedule with grocery shopping, cooking, housework, appointments with my OT, support worker and counselor and gym sessions to fit in too. That’s a lot of stuff to adjust to in one week but I was determined to persevere and push through the struggles and the sleep deprivation.

I chose to come out to BANG! again tonight partly because I wanted to support the bands playing (It’s a pretty stacked lineup). But also because my social life has significantly suffered lately. Namely, I miss hanging out with friends and band mates. I truly do! I’m learning to take more chances in life because holding back just leads to disappointment and regret. Maybe I will have a good time tonight. There’s only one sure way of finding out.

After my boxing class with CinFull Fitness, I made my way down to Jordanville station to catch the train into the city. Thankfully the class actually gave me a much needed boost of energy and stamina. Lining up outside the venue with the usual riff-raff, we didn’t get inside until quarter past 10. Then we were forced to wait inside the beer garden area until they were ready to open the main bar area. It honestly felt like being herded in a cattle pen and it was slightly uncomfortable until I met up with my friend Jordy Shore. It was nice to have someone to break the ice with.

One of the biggest things that continues to annoy me about BANG! is that they never run on time and tonight was no exception! Heartline were meant to start at 10:15pm but got pushed back to around 10:30pm. Of course some people would see that 15 minute delay and think “big deal” but it’s difficult when you have to rely on public transport to get yourself back home safely. Plus I’ve always been a very structured person and that includes keeping to a schedule and being conscious of what the time is.

Once we got inside the main bar area, my worries seemed to deflate and I actually felt pretty chilled out for once. My brain was still in sensory overload mode though, taking in the emerald green chandeliers with forest-like foliage hanging from the ceiling and the crowd of familiar face. I was positively buzzing when it came to meeting all my friends and band mates. I’ve really missed them all so much!

I’ve never found it easy to stand out in a crowd so I have to rely on making eye contact and finding the right moments to speak up. My anxious thoughts always tries to derail moments like these “Don’t interrupt anyone! You don’t want to piss anyone off!” Of course when it comes to local gigs, musicians are always busy and therefore the “perfect” opportunity to say hello to them simply doesn’t exist. I had to be brave enough to JUST DO IT, just put myself out there and I did it.

Honestly the vibes tonight were so friendly and positive that all my past perceptions and bad experiences about BANG! seemed to dissipate into the background. I was legitimately surprised that I was actually having a good time tonight but I was also very glad that I was. I really needed this. I guess I’m growing to like this venue again and that is saying something.

HEARTLINE...This was the band that I was most giddy to see perform live! I’ve been supporting this Melodic Metalcore band from Adelaide, South Australia since the middle of last year and tonight was their first ever show in Melbourne. Their stage presence was majestic, confident engaging and passionate. Frontman Luke Taylor did an awesome job getting the crowd pumped up and they were equally as excited to participate. They simply blew my socks off tonight and I was super proud of them all for finally breaking into the Melbourne scene! Set List: Twenty Two, Crystal Eyes, Weightless, Essence, Covert. https://music.apple.com/us/album/essence-ep/1478821238

TAPESTRY...Formerly from Darwin and now relocated to Melbourne, this five-piece Melodic Hardcore band just never seems to disappoint. They are lovely and humble musicians with supreme talent and high quality songwriting. The band played tracks from their 2018 EP “Ghost of Me” for the final time tonight plus a few other surprises for older fans. The audience was immediately captivated, singing along to many of their songs. Eventually frontman Tom Devine-Harrison launched himself into the crowd of people near the stage, making a physical and personal connection with them. They were amazing!         Set List: Ghost, Ember, Dark Shade, Retrospect. https://music.apple.com/us/album/ghost-of-me/1353365058

WINDWAKER...Even though their set was on really late (they didn’t start until 12:15am), I was determined to stick around for one of my favourite Melbourne-based Alternative Heavy Melodic Hardcore outfits. I was stoked that they managed to draw such a moderately large crowd for their headlining show tonight. They poured their hearts out in this 45 minute performance, covering both their “Fade” and “Empire” EP’s for the final time tonight. Frontman Will King was as passionate and inspiring as ever with a beautiful vocal delivery and a confident stage presence. He won the crowd over very easily and it was good to see the band send it tonight! Set List: My Empire, The Destroyer, Castaway, Arrested, Grey World, The Sitch, New Infinite, Bring Me The Horizon medley. https://music.apple.com/au/album/empire-ep/1448666181

[jakehglover]

Essential Oils That Could Help Your Headaches

By Dr. Mercola

For people who experience the worst type of headache — migraines — one might describe them as something like being forced to go on a long, impromptu bus trip during a lightning storm while wearing a helmet that’s way too tight, the stereo is set on deafening and all the energy you’ve got is spent trying to hold your stomach together. Migraine headaches result from specific changes in the brain, and the pain almost always focuses itself on one side of your head, causing a “pounding” sensation that gets worse with physical exertion.

However, sometimes it hits both sides of your head and may involve sensitivity to light and/or sound, eye pain and nausea so severe that vomiting is part of the package. Migraines are experienced by 37 million people in the U.S. annually1 — roughly 1 in 7 Americans — which vary in duration from four to 72 hours and can be triggered by stress, hormonal changes and lack of sleep.

They’re the main reason why people visit emergency clinics, and most often are experienced by women of childbearing age.2 The Hearty Soul3 relates a number of other triggers that many might not consider:

Monosodium glutamate (MSG)

Chocolate

Stress

Dehydration

Smoking

Birth control pills

Magnesium deficiency

Meats with nitrates (bacon or lunch meat)

Peanut butter

Wine

Medications

Dairy products

Whether the migraine excursion is taken occasionally or frequently, the pain is bad enough that any cure is deemed worth looking into: cold compresses, hot compresses, head massages, body massages. There are numerous over-the-counter and prescription drugs available, but these aren’t always without side effects.

Migraines: ‘Debilitating,’ ‘Like a Vice,’ ‘Soul Crushing’

To call a migraine a “bad headache” is a gross understatement. Some headache sufferers might tell you they’re impossible to define in a truly meaningful way — just that they’re awful. Huffington Post4 asked several people to describe the sensations they experience either before and/or during a migraine:

“It’s like having your head compressed by a 2-ton brick while someone hits your temple with a hammer at random intervals.”

“Like a vice around my head, with stabbing behind my ears and pressure behind my eyes. Pull the shades, lie down, don’t move.”

“Like being hit in the head by a semi. Or having your head compressed by thousands of cubic feet of water.”

“When I’m in the grip of a really bad one — one of those terrible, soul-crushing ones that comes around once a year or so — I almost always think, ‘There’s nothing I wouldn’t give up to make this go away right now.’”

“Like you are trying to give birth through your forehead.”

People describing symptoms often talk about their throbbing temples, pain behind their eyes, sensitivity to light and sounds and ongoing nausea. More than a few reference things like jackhammers and icepicks. Some mention auras of flickering light just before being slammed with the pain.

Understandably, migraines often lead to insomnia, and sleeplessness causes profound fatigue, which exacerbates the frequency and severity of migraines in a vicious circle. But Migraine.com5 notes that there are different types of headaches. A study of nearly 4,000 people enabled researchers to break the most common symptoms down into percentages:6

Throbbing, pulsating pain — 85 percent

Pain on one side — 59 percent

Light sensitivity — 80 percent

Blurred vision — 44 percent

Sound sensitivity — 76 percent

Auras — 36 percent

Nausea — 73 percent

Vomiting — 29 percent

Essential Oils to the Rescue

But what if the most effective relief came from something natural, extracted from powerful plant compounds instead of pain medications? I’m talking about essential oils, which have been used in ancient Egyptian, Chinese and East Indian cultures for around 6,000 years.7

Keep in mind that before applying essential oils topically, you should dilute them first with a safe and mild carrier oil, like coconut oil, olive oil, almond or jojoba oil. Essential oils have made a remarkable surge in popularity in the last several decades, proven not just anecdotally but in clinical trials to:

Ease pain

Relieve nausea

Relax your muscles

Improve sleep

Lower inflammation

Reduce stress

There are different ways to use essential oils for relieving headaches, including a few drops in tea, applying or massaging the oil (or oils) directly to the problem spots and inhaling the fragrance. One thing to always remember regarding essential oils is to avoid using them on your skin (or anyone else’s) undiluted. AromaWeb explains:

“Using a 2 percent essential oil dilution is generally considered a safe guideline for topical application of essential oils on adults when an essential oil does not have a more restricted dermal recommendation … For children or elderly, cut the dilution in half. With children, use only essential oils regarded as safe for children.”8

Reducing the frequency and severity of migraines has been achieved by continuous use over days, weeks and months. Essential oils have proved to have antibiotic, antiviral and antibacterial properties and some reports have suggested them as useful for Alzheimer’s disease, heart problems, cancer and labor pain.9

As for synthetic substances created for aromatherapy, the study noted that using actual plant oils was found to be superior, especially since synthetic fragrances often contain such irritants as solvents and propellants.10 Here’s a list of five of the most effective essential oils for relieving varied symptoms of migraines.

Peppermint Essential Oil

Having already made a name for itself among migraine sufferers, peppermint oil contains menthol to do double duty: relieve pain and relax your muscles. A collaborative study11 in Philadelphia found that applying a topical gel with 6 percent menthol “significantly” decreased pain intensity for patients after two hours.

A review published in the Asian Pacific Journal of Tropical Biomedicine noted the merits of aromatherapy using essential oils from the roots, bark, stems, leaves, flowers and fruits of the peppermint plant for a number of maladies, including swollen joints, depression, indigestion, insomnia, muscular pain, respiratory problems, skin ailments and “urine-associated complications,” as well as headaches. According to the study:

“Inhalation and the external application of these oils for the treatment of mental and physical balance are the very basics of aromatherapy … to relieve stress, rejuvenate and regenerate … Olfactory nerves from nose to the brain are the site of action …”12

To mix a topical application, dilute two or three drops of peppermint oil with one or two drops of coconut oil to ease the nausea sometimes associated with migraines. Rub the oil on the back of your neck, forehead and shoulders, but a “double whammy” of effectiveness may come from diffusing a few drops of the oil for aromatherapy.

Peppermint is a good example of an essential oil that can be used in a number of ways for greater effect, The Hearty Soul13 notes. You can add five to 15 drops to a warm bath for a soak, and meanwhile, sip on peppermint tea.

Afterward, apply a diluted solution to your temples, the back of your neck below your skull and the bottoms of your feet. There are potential peppermint oil side effects in individuals with a sensitivity; one is possible sleep interference, for people taking antacids or with gall bladder problems, and in breast-feeding women, decreased milk production, to name a few.

The National Center for Complementary and Integrative Health (NCCIH) adds something that should always be in the forefront when using essential oils, including peppermint:

“Like other essential oils, peppermint oil is highly concentrated. When the undiluted essential oil is used for health purposes, only a few drops are used. Side effects of applying peppermint oil to the skin can include skin rashes and irritation. Peppermint oil should not be applied to the face or chest of infants or young children because serious side effects may occur if they inhale the menthol in the oil.”14

Lavender Essential Oil

Lavender oil also helps with the pain of migraines, and it’s one that tackles the inflammation exacerbating it, causing the head-splitting “hammer on the skull” sensation. Part of the mechanism is its ability to dilate pressurized blood vessels. Lavender also improves sleep and reduces stress, which are the two main triggers of migraine attacks. A 2012 study15 published in European Neurology in 2012 notes this oil’s use as a sedative, antimicrobial and wound healing accelerator, among other things.

Reduced frequency and severity of migraines was reported by study subjects in a trial after using lavender for three months, according to a 2016 study.16 The researchers observed that among the 129 headache attacks in the course of the study, 92 “responded entirely or partially to lavender,” a significantly higher percentage compared to the participants in the placebo-controlled group.

The study concludes by saying that inhalation of lavender essential oil “may be an effective and safe treatment modality in acute management of migraine headaches.”

In another study featured in Evidence-Based Complementary and Alternative Medicine in 2013, researchers conjectured that if lavender’s “alleged curative properties” ranged from successful treatment of insect bites, parasitic infections and spasms, it might also be an effective therapy for neurological disorders.

A review of lavender’s efficacy for pain was noted in the study, for pain ranging from cesarean section,17 breast biopsy surgery,18 “nonspecific subacute neck pain” and low back pain,19 and for migraine headaches, especially when applied early in the attack.20

Not to mention the fact that with lavender, “there’s no potential for drug abuse.”21 For aromatherapy, add five to 10 drops of lavender oil to a bowl of warm water. You can cover your head with a towel to get the most of the vapors, lean over the bowl and breathe deeply until your headache starts to diminish. You can also use a few diluted drops to massage behind your ears, your temples and back of your neck.

Eucalyptus Essential Oil

This oil is good for several types of headache pain,22 but it’s said to be most effective for people suffering from headaches due to chronic sinusitis. A 2009 study published in the Journal of Agriculture and Food Chemistry23 reported that inhaling eucalyptus oil may relieve pain and lower inflammation.

Mix one drop with a teaspoon of carrier oil such as the aforementioned coconut oil before massaging into your chest, temples and forehead. Breathe the vapors as described in the lavender oil section, and place a few drops onto a handkerchief to inhale the fragrance whenever needed.

Chamomile Essential Oil

Another effective oil for migraines, chamomile oil reduces inflammation, according to a 2014 Medical Hypotheses study,24 which described it as “a novel medicine for the relief of migraine pain.” The Top 10 Home Remedies says it also relieves symptoms of stress and anxiety, which may in turn serve to relieve your migraine.

Dilute a few drops of chamomile oil with one or two drops of a carrier oil to massage into your temples and forehead. Inhaling the steam after placing a few drops into hot water is another way to help treat your pounding head.

Rosemary Essential Oil

A 2013 study25 published in Food Chemistry points to rosemary as having a long history in tradition for treating headaches due to the potent anti-inflammatory and pain-relieving compounds it contains. It backs up a 2008 study26 that found the same benefits. Added to that are comments by Top 10 Home Remedies:

“It helps treat headaches because of its stimulating, anti-inflammatory and analgesic properties. It has a calming effect on the body and helps reduce stress and insomnia, common triggers that can cause headaches.”27

Suggested ways to use rosemary essential oil for migraine headache relief include adding one or two drops to a cup of tea, water or soup and drinking it. You can also mix two drops of rosemary oil with two drops of peppermint oil and a teaspoon of coconut oil to massage your forehead, temples and the back of your neck.

You can get an allergen test before using essential oils to make sure you’re not allergic. This entails applying a diluted amount of oil onto your skin and observing if allergic reactions occur. If you experience side effects, don’t use the oil. However, while oils like those mentioned above can have therapeutic effects, they aren't instant cures, nor are they a substitute for optimal nutrition and a healthy lifestyle.

from HealthyLife via Jake Glover on Inoreader https://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2018/06/09/essential-oils-for-headache.aspx