#I got 2 pet birds for my birthday a few weeks ago~! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ka-writes · 3 years ago

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Notes:

I am very sorry it is so late! My birthday was two weeks ago and honestly I have been stressed. Again thank you all so much for the support! All of the comments are lovely, sorry I haven’t been able to respond. Anyways I gift a longish chapter!!

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Warnings: Emotional manipulation, crying, cussing, mentions of pirates.

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Inspired by:

Humans are Space Velociraptors

By:FreshRoses_InMyGarden_NeedTheRain

Some kids come from storks, others come from crashed spaceships

By: mmmajora

Home Again, Home Again

By: teeth_eater

All works can be found on Ao3

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Ao3 link:

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Incase you missed:

Chapter 1:

Chapter 9:

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Chapter 10: “I have some news..”

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Eret woke up to the sounds of unidentified birds.

That was one of the stranger things about space.

Most people theorized about other intelligent species and what not, but from what she heard during her time on Earth, few even touched on alien animal species. And when the few did, they were mainly described as monsters or on a few occasions the pets of other intellectuals.

Still, it was easy to grasp the concept after it was presented to you.

He got up and started the morning routine. Frying eggs and bacon, or something close to it along with a plate of fruit and dried petals being prepared for one of the guests. After starting the tea kettle they made their way to the bathroom to get ready. Once done, they knocked out a few chores before heading towards the stairs.

It was strange. A sense of overwhelming dread came over him. The stairs, which had always been a comfort after a long day, seemed dark and ghostly. Every step added to the anxiety that filled a pit in their stomach. Taking a small breath they climbed the last step and approached the guest bedroom.

One consistent thing was that the room was always laid open for emergencies. Even though the commune itself was closed and relatively unheard of, that room had been filled with people from everywhere. All with a different story, family, connection, job, past, mood, etc. Only few had ever scared Eret to the point where they were relocated, and even fewer had ever escalated. For the most part, the guests that laid behind the door wanted nothing more than to get away from their old lives and start fresh.

Even with past experiences and a relative idea of what the guests had gone through, he found himself struggling to turn the door knob. Leaving a scared shaking hand to hover over the handle. So instead they simply knocked.

It took only two seconds for the two to be out of the room and alert. The droneling looked about ready to scold the human because of their messy golden locks.

The trick itself stunned Eret. It made them think back to the few times she had to stand in the same room as Dream. Shivers from the day still haunted her.

“Good morning.” Eret started, the two looked at the older with a concentrated glance. The droneling seemingly evaluating Eret while the other simply interested in what they had to say. “Please feel free to help yourself to the food down stairs. I left some eggs and bacon on the stove, along with fruits and dried petals on the table. I will be going out to do some chores for about an hour, please eat within that time. We will discuss further plans after I get back.” With that the older left, biting back the sour taste in their mouth.

They hated having to give descriptive orders, but it was one of the things you had to learn in a town full of traumatized starlings. Most wouldn’t eat if there wasn’t a direct enough order, and Eret was not a fan of people starving. Which is why they left room for free choice, in the quantity and such, yet the action itself was descriptive and had a time limit. Which in turn left little room for the brain to panic. Still it felt uncomfortable for them to have to use that against them.

They walked out of their apartment and wandered through the streets. Checking the usual things and making sure the morning routines were in order.

After securing everything and helping, and elderly person carry some boxes, they stepped into the most secure building in the colony.

“Good morning your majesty.” A communicator going by the name of Purpled greeted her.

“Good morning Purpled. Please set up table 23 for communication, along with the latest updates on the SBI and Dream Team crafts.” Eret calmly said while taking a seat.

“Right away, your majesty.” The young starling started on the task. Typing furiously and pulling up a few different search engines before relocating it to the main illusion.

“Alright,” Eret clapped their hands, “Please bring in Foolish, Fundy, and Hannah in please, we are currently holding two well known missing starlings.” With that Purpled contacted the three, but not before swallowing down a gasp.

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“Fix your hair.” Tubbo hissed at Tommy as he headed down stairs.

Tubbo was right, his locks were messy and unkempt. They even had a few twigs knotted into them.

…

It took fifteen minutes to fix the unruly hair. That was bad. If Dream saw the mess he would most likely get that god awful spray he always used.

He stepped out of the room, checking down the halls to check for any danger or angry crew mates.

That was strange.. the halls were completely different. Not to mention there were no overhead lights, only lamps embedded onto the small cozy halls. And the walls were made of wood, the floor was a nice warm grey carpet.

As if a brick hit him in the head, the events of the night before flooded in.

He stepped down the stairs, to the smell of bacon, when was the last time he smelled that sweet homely smell?

He filled his plate with some eggs and a piece of bacon. There was really no set rule of how much he could eat, so he grabbed the portion Dream gave him if he did a good thing.

But you weren’t good. You ran away. Now Dream will have to reteach the poison out of you again.

He didn’t want that! He quickly put most of the eggs back into the pan and broke off a smaller portion of bacon.

He quickly ate the portions and ignored the stiffness that surrounded the pair.

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Incoming call… The_Eret

That was an unusual start to the morning. Nikki waved to an employee to man the storefront as she headed back into the staff room.

“Hello?”

“Nikki! You’re in contact with the captain of the SBI Craft pilot right?” Sure enough Eret’s voice reached through the com speaker.

“Oh my primes Eret! I honestly didn’t think it was you at first, but yes I am in contact with their pilot, why are you asking?” Her tone changed from sweet to serious in seconds, and she knew Eret could feel the sudden tension.

“I have some news.. don’t worry it’s nothing bad, but I just need to check something first,” Eret paused to recollect thoughts “from your interactions are they a good crew?”

Nikki was a little caught off guard by the question. The crew themselves were an interesting bunch. Everyone knew they were a craft that used to be designed for pirating. While that may have sounded bad to anyone who came from another part of the galaxy, anyone knew they were good people only really fighting a corrupt system. That was also portrayed through the brief interactions they had while they discussed developments on the starlings' whereabouts.

“I.. I would say they’re good people. All of them are stubbornly loyal. They haven’t done anything awful without a plausible cause and haven’t betrayed anyone’s trust yet. They are simply seen in different light by the ISF.”

Eret seemed to be satisfied with the genuine answer, “Good, that’s good. Send a message that I have news on the whereabouts of the missing starlings and would like to have a formal meeting in an hour, thank you Nikki.” They ended the call, leaving a chat room address and a shocked Nikki behind.

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Tubbo was planning something again.

He always had this stupid face whenever he was forming the next plan of attack or was trying to get him and Tommy more food. His ears always fell flat on his head, and his antennas twitched while he scrunched his face in concentration.

Oh well.

It couldn’t be anything too bad, especially since the other promised not to kill Tommy if he didn’t get in the way.. hold on there’s a flaw there, he never said he wasn’t gonna hurt Tommy..

As soon as the younger caught on, the older tackled him to the ground and restrained him.

“Oi! WHAT THE FUCK!” Tommy yelled, the older started shaking. Without warning Tubbo collapsed on Tommy causing him to be further trapped on the hardwood floor.

Tears from the droneling soaked Tommy’s shirt and he was overall confused. Never once had the other cried from emotional pain, only ever physical. The human was at a loss for words.

“I… I am so-sorry...” the droneling sobbed. “I was the o-one to take us t-to that stupid s-shop, and now w-we’re here.. The w-worst part is that we’re l-lost..”

His mind ran blank. He had never really been in a situation like this. He never really blamed Tubbo, only ever himself. He was supposed to do everything exactly how Dream asked, therefore it was his fault he got hurt.

“You really shouldn’t apologize…” The human started, “Neither of us knew what was about to happen. The shit we went through can only really be blamed on me. Plus the past is past, best not to think ‘bout it bee boy!” A small giggle came from the alien, “Really the only thing we can do now is take it one step at a time and get you home.”

“Thanks bossman..” with that the two had finally fallen into a comfortable silence.

The birds chirped and the morning glow was still in the air. Mother moved, in fear that if they did the other would disappear forever. A new hope blossomed in Tommy’s heart. Maybe he would finally have a real friend in this hell of a universe. And for once Tommy felt a genuine peace, even if he was laying on the cold floor of an alien’s apartment, but then again when did those details matter?

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“Hello.” Eret started, “As you may or may not know, I have information on the whereabouts of the missing starlings.” They looked up from their notes to briefly study the aliens.

One of them was shocked, they had curly brunette locks and looked to be on the verge of tears. They were positioned to the left of the captain. The one to the right was calm and collected yet couldn’t help the shocked glance they shared with the others. The captain was also on the verge of breaking down yet hid it behind a calm expression. So far these were good reactions, which definitely meant she made the right choice.

“The two starlings are both unharmed and are residents in my colony.”

“Oh thank the primes!!” The brunette breathed.

“For your information, I have no idea how they got to my colony or what happened to them.” The three shared glances, “As for transporting I cannot allow you on my planet directly simply for my colony’s sake, but I can transport them to Amari alongside a trusted crew who have already sworn never to harm any passengers. They will then be taken to Nikki who will house them until you arrive. I hope you understand the course of action.”

After a suffocating moment of waiting for the captain to respond the others came to a silent agreement. “We do understand, thank you for taking care of them. We appreciate your help.”

“It is no problem! I just hope I won’t have to do this again.” They sent a glare to the crew before ending the call.

The crew was already preparing the ship and supplies were being delivered to the dock. The only thing left to do was tell the strange starlings they had only met the night before.

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Chapter 10-End

Words: 1969

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Literally everyone except Dream: Ima protect the children

Dream: I need minions

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Thank you again!! Remember likes are appreciated but reblogs are better!!

Go take care of yourself.

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thejosh1980 · 3 years ago

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Even when I'm sleeping...

Yesterday was the anniversary of Mijo’s passing.

I knew at 9am it was the moment he took his last breath. At just 28 weeks old, he’d only been in our lives for 20 weeks. About 18 weeks of that was amazing, the last 2 weeks were not so good.

The last 20 hours were painful beyond words.

He was just one of a few pets I had the privilege of being a parent to. We had a dog when I was young, living in Melbourne, and when Mum, my sister and I moved north, we had a cat for a few years. In my 20s when I moved in with my girlfriend in England, she had 2 wonderful cats, brother and sister, who reignited my love for being a fur parent.

When I moved to England it took a few years to be a parent again, but in the end I had 3 cats (2 were sisters) and a puppy. I really loved those 4. I still do. They were the most amazing pets, and I loved the companionship, and having someone to talk to!

Leaving them in Germany was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I rarely go a day without thinking about them. The girls, Catalina and Mathilda, were the first cats I started to train, and both could be walked down the street on a lead. I didn’t know one could train a cat. Gizmo was a cheeky tabby boy who was the answer to all cuddles and purrs. Eventually, the 3 of them had some tricks up their sleeve. However once I got Mijita, my little girl puppy, the training for the cats fell a bit by the wayside.

Mijita came into my life at a turning point in my life, and in the years we were together she never saw me drunk. She was my constant shadow and we did a hell of a lot together. From Checkpoint Charlie, to sunrises in Florence, window shopping in Amsterdam’s redlight district, touring and meeting rock stars, urban swimming in Switzerland, paying for items in shops instead of me going to the counter, and skateboarding, paddle boarding and bike riding.

We did it all.

Leaving all that behind was really hard. It’s taken a few years to be able to look back at photos of us together, and not feel pain, but feel gratitude and joy for the time we spent together.

When Alex and I moved back home, we did have discussions about getting a fur baby of our own. Maybe a dog, maybe a cat. Initially, we put off the decision. The problem with dog ownership, especially here in Australia, is that you are very limited in what you can do with them. Most shops won’t allow them inside, most restaurants too, very few dog parks and dogs cannot go into forests and nature reserves. The freedom of Europe doesn’t exist here.

But Alex had other plans.

While getting a dog was out of the question, we just weren’t ready and not sure what our future would hold, owning a cat was a different story. Cats can offer similar companionship, without the logistical complications and commitments!

Sounds purrfect!

As I’ve written in previous blogs, Alex surprised me for my 41st birthday with a beautiful baby boy, who we named Mijo. 8 weeks of pure grey and white fluffiness.

I felt that connection again, like I had with Catalina, Mathilda, Gizmo and Mijita.

Mijo was troubled with a few health issues, the coolest one was that he was deaf. I could take him anywhere, and he was as chill as could be. I remember having coffee, in one of the local town’s cafes, with folks everywhere, birds flapping about and making a ruckus, and he was curled up on my lap, hanging out.

That day a year ago, still hurts the 3 of us. Alex is no stranger to fur grief, with her own history of lost pets. Mijo was our first fur loss together. Mum recently had to say goodbye to her old girl Ruby, who now resides next to Mijo in Mum’s room. Mum talks to both cats daily, sometimes I hear her, and it brings a bittersweet smile to my face.

I spent time after Mijo’s passing trying to make sense of how such a great pet, I mean he was absolutely perfect for me, my behaviour and my wishes, could be gone from my life in such a short time. We still had so many adventures to have together.

He hadn’t been to all the local beaches yet!

I came to realise, his short and intense time with me was to help process the loss of the 4 German pets. I started to look back at all 5 pets and feel gratitude. I began to focus on the good times, the silly times and the blessings for having them in my life.

I would do anything to have any of them back in my life, but I know that is not a choice I can make. Focus on the good times.

Mijo was the best thing that happened to me in 2021. He helped me grieve the loss of the big 4 in Germany and showed me there’s life after death. That’s why he came into my life, he came to show me the way.

I was somewhat lucky that during the time we lost Mijo, I had a great teacher, a psychologist, who was really understanding and supportive. Not to mention the class being supportive of my situation. She also gave me advice, and it wasn’t long before I was talking about having another cat. In the end, there are no rules to how you express or process your grief. I talked a lot about how I was feeling, working through my pain, eventually I felt a sense of calmness.

Often I find it hard to decide on things. Like, if I go to a restaurant and there’s too many choices, I get too overwhelmed, and wish I was at In and Out Burger (one of the simplest menus ever). Many times I revert to Alex’s help, I tell her what I think I might like, which could be 5 or 10 things, and she goes off to order.

It’s always a surprise when the meals come.

We talked about getting another cat only a few weeks after Mijo’s passing. I find, if in doubt, talk about it. And we eventually came to the conclusion, if and when she found a kitten for us, then it was the right time. I figured it would take weeks, but it literally was a week later we were driving down to pick up a little kitten ragdoll, who we eventually named BB Junior.

Boy, is he cute!

I don’t really know where to start with this little guy. He’s a round ball of floof, who has the zoomies one minute, and the next he does “the flops”, where he walks close to you and flops and rolls over on his back for a belly rub.

He’s healthy, and unlike Mijo, is terrified of the vacuum cleaner. He walks on a harness outside with me, and together we have walked at least 5 houses down the street on the lead. He isn’t particularly afraid of cars or bikes; however he does prefer that he is facing whatever is coming towards him. He likes the local nursey, with its plants to walk through and coffee tables to sit at.

He absolutely loves visiting his cousin Charlie. While they had many play dates before the flood, when we lived at Charlie’s for 3 weeks until we got the rental, those 2 bonded so well that once we moved out, they start to miss each other if it’s been a week or two between play dates.

I find it really amusing that the cats behave more like dogs. They play all day long, until they wear themselves out and then just find a comfy spot and sleep. While us adults continue the coffee drinkin’ and talkin’ for another hour or two.

He can sit, spin around, meercat, come when called, fist bump and high five.

He is not food motivated as much as Mijo, and it can be difficult to train him, but he is getting there. I think it’s really down to me, as I have spent less time training him that I would have if he was super into it. He does come whenever I open the drawer with the clicker and treats in it, so he knows what’s coming, but usually after a few minutes of spinning around, he gets bored and walks off. That’s the moment you realise he is not a dog.

I am really glad that Junior is comfy in his kitten backpack, something I wear when riding the bike with him, or when we go visit places. He was quite comfy during the flood day, mostly sleeping until rescue, when he started to get a bit wet in the rain. He knows it’s his safe space, and we make sure it’s always available to him outside the house.

Junior isn’t the cuddliest cat. I’ve had cats which always wanna be on your lap, but he isn’t a lap cat. He didn’t like sleeping on the bed with us either. At first, I was really concerned with that, as I do enjoy the warmth and vibrations of a kitten purring on your knee. Lately, he’s started to sleep most of the night somewhere on the bed, often inbetween us, and also sit with me on the couch. While it’s not my knee, it’s really cool that he’s finding comfort close to us.

He has shown some signs of separation anxiety, especially if I’m outside or drive off. I am not sure how badly he suffers when we are all out, but if I’m outside I can hear him yowl and yowl at the door. In the end I try to rush whatever it is I’m doing outside so he doesn’t feel any more stress than absolutely necessary.

We’ve had a lot of rain lately, again. So he hasn’t been out on his harness much, but of course the aim is always to get outside 3 or 4 times a week, and train daily. It doesn’t always end up happening that way, but he’s just as happy snoozin’ on the couch as he is chasing bugs in the garden.

He has done a prison break twice since being at the rental house. The first time was through a front sliding door that is light and doesn’t lock, basically, a big flyscreen in a wire frame. We ran all over trying to find him, and in the end he was under the neighbour’s house. I could call him and he came running out, looking a little worried about the mess he got himself into.

Dusty, dirty and big blue eyed.

That front sliding door is now permanently locked closed, he won’t be getting out that way again. But he did sneak out the back door too. I closed another fly screen security door, but it didn’t latch. He made a run for it out of the corner of my eye. I chased him down quick, but only after bashing into fence posts and trees trying to grab the little fella. He was on a mission to explore!

Since Ruby’s passing, Mum’s bedroom door has been open regularly, and he has taken to exploring grandma’s room. He now likes to run in and jump on her bed to get a belly rub. Mum talks to him constantly too, Mr BB this and Mr BB that. I think he’s been good to have around, without Ruby it’s not been easy on Mum. Junior is literally the exact opposite of Ruby, yet offers what all cats offer, companionship.

Currently, today, Junior is with Charlie. The boys are having a sleep over while us parents are away. We are really thankful Junior’s godmother, that is Charlie’s Mum, is more than willing to kitten sit.

I saw a video the other day, about unconditional love and it stuck in my mind. I won’t go into the video details, but I realised that with all my pets, I have felt unconditional love for them. No matter what, for better or worse, for costing me a small fortune, for filling my heart with joy, for scaring me (Mijita had a thing for being the only one who got injured in any given situation), for doing what they’re told, or not.

For dying just 20 weeks after coming into my life.

They have all taught me something too. I know that may sound odd, but it’s true. Mijo taught me about the feelings of loss and how to process grief. Mijita taught me about trust, and about give and take in relationships. Catalina also taught me about building trust, she knew when we went walking in the German streets, that I wouldn’t let a dog get close to her. Mathilda taught me about boundaries, and to respect them. Gizmo taught me that my expectations are always right.

And Junior? He’s still teaching me, mostly that being unpredictable and spontaneous is a fun thing.

A few years ago I shared a moment with my best friend in Germany. I recognized, even if our friendship was ever to end, I would still love her unconditionally. Whatever would happen, my love for her would stay strong and true. I shared my feelings with her.

And I realised after that conversation there are others in my life that I felt the same for. A deep and meaningful love for that person, in all their awesome self, for better or for worse, they were a perfect human being.

Some know my musical partner in crime, GB, from Berlin. He is another person that I could put into the unconditional love category. In my life I haven’t met a truer friend, someone who has been loyal to a fault. He has never swayed from his support and steadfastness by my side over the years.

There’s a few other German friends who I feel the same for too. We don’t speak all that often, but 1 week or 1 year between phone calls or coffees, doesn’t make a difference, we start off where we left off. Genuine, deep and meaningful friends, who I care for with an unwavering love.

My feelings for unconditional love go back beyond Germany.

In particular, 3 friends from high school. One of those friends, who was my closest pal in my teenage years, who came to all the concerts with me to check over blues and rockabilly bands, who wore the same hair style and clothes as me, is no longer in my life. At some point he told me he didn’t want me to call him again, and it broke my heart. It was worse than any breakup I have ever had, we’d been mates for 15 years, and it was right before my first wedding too!

I still love him.

For better or for worse, he was so important in my life, and I don’t really know why he doesn’t want to talk to me, I have suspicions why, but no evidence to prove my theory. I look back at our photos, and think about the mischief we got up to, and damn we had some good times. While the pain of losing him was tough back then, now I look back with gratitude and a smile, we were a couple of dudes figuring out our way.

I don’t know the rules for unconditional love, if there were, I am sure I’m breaking them. I don’t have any biological children, but I have a god daughter who I love dearly, who I’d do anything for if she asked. I have had several furbabies in the past, and currently have the floofiest dude to love and hold, and I love them with all of my heart.

I have friends who I feel the deepest of love and gratitude, with no strings attached, no rules.

Is that unconditional love?

My wife, who I love with all my being, and is ever changing, with her interests and hobbies changing all the time. Mum who has been my rock for all my 42 years, and whose love for me hasn’t wavered. Dave, who chose to continue to be my step father long after he and Mum split up. His love has been the strongest example in my life of unconditional love.

If I call, he answers.

No matter what has happened with the big 4 in Germany, the 2 gremlins in Australia, and my best friends and family, they have all been nothing but the best things in my life.

Those no longer in my life, I still miss them, but now I just miss them with a smile or even when I’m sleeping.

Thanks for reading,

Josh

#lifes journey #unconditional love #journaling #my thoughts #ohmyjoshofficial #pet love

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lennydaisy · 4 years ago

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SWAN SONG || The Walking Dead || CHAPTER TWO.

‘You have to trust that every friendship has no end, that a communion of saints exists among all those, living and dead, who have truly loved God and one another.

You know from experience how real this is. Those you have loved deeply and who have died live on in you, not just as memories but as real presences.’

HENRI NOUWEN

The Walking Dead.

Season 1-?

FEM OC! and ?

Hope you like it :)) and here is the link to CHAPTER ONE!

My home is nothing but radiant. It's a place that is constantly filled with smiles and laughter and sometimes the occasional tear, but no matter what we get through it because we are a family. It's filled with so many memories; like when Corey and I tried to make mom a cake for her birthday and ended up spending her birthday at the hospital because Corey somehow got a teaspoon stuck up her left nostril, or when I came home from school claiming to have a new pet. My mom thought it would have been a snail or a worm, like something normal, but no I was a bit of a weird kid and brought home a skunk. I don't know how I found it or how I managed to get it to rest peacefully in my school backpack all day, but what I do know is that we all had to spend a week at a motel whitest our house got deep cleaned.

I had my first heartbreak in this house, my room filling up with tears like that one scene from Alice in Wonderland, only difference was I was 6 years old and claimed I had already met the love of my life.

This house has blessed me with so many things. One of those things being a chance. A chance at a normal upbringing in a comfortable home. It also blessed me with 2 sisters at the age of 4 and the most amazing mother I could have ever asked for. At the end of the day, my home, 76 Baden Way, Mormont, is the one consistent happiness in my life.

That's why I'm confused.

The drive up the all too familiar street was oddly unsettling. It didn't feel right. To be fair I didn't grow up in a white picket community with neighbours that give you cookies every fortnight or invite you to their weekly barbecues in their freshly mowed lawns, but it wasn't a bad place.

Was I gone for too long, it's only been a couple of days.

The houses that once stood tall, the house that once signified homeliness, now appear to be on there last leg. The once standing, chipped fences are now nonexistent, flattened into the ground. The once curtained windows, with the occasional flower pot on the window sill, are now completely bored up, no light being shown into the what I assume darkened houses.

Normally finding parking in my street is a nightmare, it's always something for somebody. Whether it be a birthday or a family get together, there is never any space for me to park my car relatively close to my own house. Of course, I complain, it's annoying, but for some reason being able to just drive straight into my own driveway is sickening to me. Where's mom's car?

My car whistles to a stop as I cut the engine. Neither I or Cora dare to move as we look upon what we once called home. The once fully in season apple tree is now snapped basically in half, rotten apples scattered around the dying grass. As for the house itself, it's not doing so hot either, the garage door is now covered with large indents in the shapes of fists, the odd splatter of blood causing bile to gather in my mouth. The usually crystal clear windows are now dust-ridden and black with ash, unable to see what's within the once homely home.

"What it like this when you left for school this morning?" I question Cora, the unsettling feeling that our home is giving me makes my voice lose all strength.

Shaking her head timidly, "No," she replies, "Everything was normal."

'Now is as good a time as any', I thought as I reach over into the passages seat pocket, grabbing my Cloy Python. Looking my scared sister in the eye I said, "You can stay in the car if you want. I'll scoop the place out, make sure it's safe."

Shaking her head vigorously at my suggesting, gripping onto my arm, prohibiting me from leaving the car alone, "I'd feel a lot safer with you." If it wasn't for the situation I would have poked fun at her for needing her big sister but honestly, I'd feel safer with her too.

Nodding my head, I exit the car and make my way around the front of our house. With shaky legs, Cora stands as tall as she could beside me. Not knowing what we're about to walk into, I detach my baton from my belt and hand it to my timid sister. With trembling but understanding hands she clutched it tightly, white-knuckled.

Mom normal locks the door, no matter what, it's always locked. That's the first sign that somethings wrong. The front down just swung open. I keep my gun raised as I slowly step into my house, the sound of glass crunching under my combat boots, the side window had been smashed. Would explain why the doors unlocked.

"Someone else could be here, be careful, stay alert," I whisper to my sister how had barely moved an inch into our house, my baton still stuck to her right hand.

The dark wood cabinet, where all our favourite captured memories were framed, is now broken, laying on its fronts, surrounded by glass and water from the Fine China flower vase.

Bending down to flip over one of the pictures scattered on the floor, only to be met with the smiling faces of my family. We went to the Grand Canyon a few years ago, we were all so excited but we didn't check the weather. Who knew the Grand Canyon, y'know that big dry place, had flash floods, beats me, but that didn't stop out Mom from forcing us to still have a picnic on the waterlogged grass. 'It's all part of the experience' she said. If the experience was having a cold for weeks after the trip then we nailed it. I couldn't help but smile it the silly but fond memory, but I guess with the way the world is headed moments of endearment and reminiscing don't last very long.

A subtly whistle from my sister causes me to raise to my feet slowly, turning to see her pointing quietly into the family room. Standing still for a minute or so, the loud silence is broken by the soft sound of pattering feet. Signalling for my sister to stay behind me, I stalk my way into the room. Expecting to see one of those things in our living room, I flip the safety of my revolver, taking aim. As though glued to the spot, my legs for some reason forgetting how to work as my eyes settle on a figure standing, back towards us, facing the bookshelf. Not moving like any of those things from before, or making any similar noises, I come to the conclusion that's there is a person in our house. A person I don't know.

"Stay where you are and don't move," my once shaky voice now filled nothing but authority as I order the person before us to halt. Getting the picture, the person raised their hands slowly not daring to move another inch, "Who are you and why are you in my house?" I question, my aim on the back of their head never flatters.

"Ain't no need for that now little missy" their thick Geogiran accent breaking through the tense air in the room, "what happened to a little common southern hospitality?" He asks laughing clearly not taking any of this seriously.

"You broke into my house and you expect what, a welcome party. Oh wait and I'll fetch the balloons," the sarcasm rolls of my tongue like venom. The nerve of this guy.

"Correction I didn't break-in, I was pleasantly granted access," he corrects cocking his head to the side. Even though I can't see his face I already know that's there's a shit-eating grin.

"Granted access by who?" Perks up Cora, her voice not as protruding towards the figure but her point still stands.

Seeing the man nodding his head in acknowledgement, clicking his tongue in the roof of his mouth, "ah you're the sisters. The cop and the college chick," he laughed, his hands no longer held up but instead on his knees as he leans over slightly in laughter. Not understanding what's so funny, I cock my gun causing him to shot back up to attention, any signs of joking no completely evaporated into thin air.

Turning his head slightly despite my order to not move, his stubbly side profile coming into view, half a smirk lazily dancing along his face, "I take it you're the bad cop," he attempts to joke again, but it falls short, in a situation like this, one that has my moms safety on the line, is not the time to be Mr Comedian.

"Where's my mom" I rolled my eyes at the man, asking the serious question at hand. If he as much laid a single finger on her, I swear, if he thinks I'm the bad cop now, he's got another thing coming.

"Well if that's what you wanted this whole time you should have just asked little missy," he exclaims turning round to fully face us. He's a shaggy looking man, looking to be in his early 40s. His short blond hair sitting a mess on the top of his head. He has a few scars here and there and eyes that sent an uneasy shiver down my spine. His attire, clad in an old button-down shirt and a dirty wife-beater that looks to be stained with sweat from the Atlanta heat.

I already knew he was armed, spotting the gun that was tucked tightly into the back pocket of his cargo pants. Based on looks alone I already know what type of man I'm dealing with here. A stereotypical, boorish, southern redneck. Most of these men are ticking time bombs and the fact that one has found there way into my home, the place where my mother is, doesn't sit right with me.

"Come on out now Charlotte," He called out of the broken-down door, leading to the stairs, "I think it was a bird," he mutters, kicking this right leg quickly. Looking down at the ground, aside from the broken glass and wood chips, there are also feathers. Must have been the bird he was talking about.

The sound of light feet pattering down the stairs causes my ear to twitch, almost cat-like, but I don't flatter my aim on the man, "are you sure, I thought I heard-" the voice of my mother echos through the room from behind me. Mom. As subtly as possible I attempted to flip the safety back on my gun, not want to catch the attention of the man before me, but the silence fails me yet again, the soft clicking of my gun makes the man look at me, a knowing grin on his face. Cocky bastard.

"Cora, Macy," relieves mom, as she rushes over the glittering glass, skidding with friction, pulling both of us into a bone-crushing hug, "you're okay?" She asks as she separated from us, holding us at an arms distance, looking us over for signs of injury.

"Mom, Mom! We're fine," Cora reassures our panicking mother, holding her ageing face between her hands, looking her seriously in the eye, "we're okay."

Yeah, we might be but what about her.

My mom is a colourful woman. She always said 'the world is simply in black and white, but that doesn't mean we can't add our own colours'. Whether it is a bold pair of earrings or an eyesore of a scarf, she is always surrounded by colour, but not today. She clad in a shirt that appears to big for her petite frame, baggy jeans and hiking boots. No colour, just black and white, not like our mother at all. Her hair resembling that of a birds nest and her glasses sitting at a slant. She doesn't look put together.

"This is Merle," my mom waves her hand in the direction of the man whose eyes have not left mine, not so subtly looking me up and down with a look that makes me feel sick to my stomach, "He and his brother saved me from those people, brought me back here safely."

"That we did Charlotte," this Merle character near enough shouts in reply. 'What is this man so damn loud for?', "Just a bit of Southern hospitality. Something your daughter here could learn about," he says clearly not liking the fact that I still have my gun pointed in his direction.

"Macy put the gun down," the stern voice of my mother caused me to holster my gun against my thigh, but I refuse to let my guard down. I don't trust this Merle, whether he saved my mom or not, something just doesn't sit right with me.

"That's more like it girly," he says sounding assertive as if he has just won. It pretty clear that the man has some military experience. I can feel it in the air. The way he thinks he can control the room and the people in it, "My baby brother should be back soon, but I say we meet him halfway."

Is this some kind of joke?

"Look thanks for help our mom," I eventually cave into thanking the man, "But no way in hell are we going anywhere with you."

"Now I think your mommy over there would disagree with that?"

I turn to look at my mother who has a reluctant look in her eye, but not at the sketchy man in our living room, but at me. Is she really thinking about leaving with this man? Everything about him screams red flags and that's not just because I'm a cop but from just general observation. This is the type of man you would not want to meet alone at night.

"He and his brother have plans to head for Fort Benning," My mom starts slowly, clearly trying to find the right words, "I thought we could go with them."

I'm already shaking my head as my mom is speaking and I can hear her breath getting quicker and quicker, panicking, "Please," she begs, her voice cracking as I notice the tears building up in her eyes, "Please Macy, I want us to be safe."

Safe.

With the way things are going, I don't know how much longer we can be safe. I’ve always seen my home as the safest place on earth. It's where I live. It's where I grew up. My whole life started here in this very house, surrounded by people that I love. I always swore to protect my family. I didn't know what I would have to protect them from but seems as though the time has come to prove this more than ever.

"Ah, now Macy, baby," Merle begins to taunt, starting to walk closer but stops when he sees my hand rest on my gun again, "What kind of daughter would you be to deny your mom of safety."

"Why don't you just stay the fuck out of this?" I snapped at the man how held his hands up in defence and walked over to our couch bending down to pick up the rifle that I failed to notice resting on the table.

"Macy," I hear Cora whisper from behind me and when I turn to look at her the look in her eye tells it all. She's scared.

She's scared.

Mom's scared.

I'm scared.

"Where's this brother of yours?" I sigh turning to face Merle who is looking out of the window, his eyes darting from left to right.

"Away hunting," he shrugs, "should be back in an hour or two, but we're losing light. I say we meet him halfway."

For some reason, my mom just agrees with this and turns to Cora, telling her to pack a bag for her and me. My mom wonders off to wait outside, but I stay put. I don't trust this man, and I sure as hell don't trust him wandering around my house where both my mom and sister are. I stand my ground and clear my throat causing merle to turn in my direction, "Try anything, and I won't hesitate to put one between your eyes."

"I'd like to see you try," he lets out a burly laugh before pushing his way past me and out of the front door.

'What have I gotten myself into?' I thought as the sound of a car door slamming shut snaps me from my own world.

Call it wishful thinking, I already knew the answers to the question that was spinning around in my head. She wasn't back, and she was never going to come back. But there was no harm in checking. Right?

Bare. Empty. Any trance of anybody living in this room had been completely erased. It's hard to believe two people I held so dearly to my heart lived here. The once painted black walls which were covered with the typical posters of any rebellious teenager are now newly painted white, hiding all the scratches or chips that were previously there. I kind of glad about the change of walls, in my opinion, once you reach the age of 30 it's maybe time to let go of your rebellion.

All that is left is a set of drawers, a double mattress on the floor with no covers and a small single mattress on the other side of the room. Moving over to the dust-ridden drawers, I pulled open the first one and to no avail, it's completely empty. What was I expecting? She's been gone for years and she was never coming back. Especially not now.

It might sound dumb but every night after she left, I would leave her bedroom light on hoping that it would encourage her to come back home. But she never did. Mom eventually got annoyed about finding me asleep outside of Ally's bedroom door every night and had to have a word with me. Sure I stopped leaving a light on for her, but that didn't mean that I missed her any less.

Without Ally being around I had to step up and fill in the gap that she had left in our family. Ally was always the hardass. The tough one. If you were in a fight you'd want Ally in your corner. Despite anything that she says, she did love her family at one point. She was always on our side. In our corner.

Then one moment that all changed. We had a new addition to the family.

Little DeeDee.

DeeDee, my sweet little niece. Such a sweet kid, not a bad bone in her body. It's almost hard to believe that she's my sister's daughter. What they lacked in a shared personality they make up for in identical looks, they look the spits of each other, a true carbon copy.

When my sister found out she was pregnant she ran away. Telling not a soul why. Except for me.

I found out on my own, we have always told her to clean up after her self or something might happen. Well hi, I'm that something. She never kept me updated through the duration of her pregnancy, not like I expected her too, she just up and left. Until DeeDee turned 3. It's only been a year since she came home and she's was more disconnected than ever, especially with mom.

The rattle of an all too familiar engine interrupts my conversation with mom. Giving each other a knowing look with flickers of uncertainty as though maybe we heard wrong.

We didn't hear wrong.

The pounding of her heavy-duty boots slapping against the hardwood floor, echoing through the entire house. The house was so silent you could probably hear a pin drop.

Mom went to 'greet' her first, myself in tail, just in case this all goes south which it most likely will. We haven't seen or even heard from her for well over 3 years now, it got to the point where we all just assumed that she was never coming back. It explains the shock towards her arrival. Well, half of her arrival.

"Ally... your home," mom squeaks out unable to hide the overwhelming shock in her voice. It's awkward, so awkward that it makes me want to itch. The passing eye contact between one another speaks more than their unspoken words.

The reunion of a mother and her absent daughter.

The shock must have gotten to mom's head because she failed to notice the new soul in the room with us. A person we have never had the pleasure to meet. Standing behind her mother, not tall enough to reach her hip yet, is a little girl. All wrapped in a cosy jacket despite the Atlanta heat is the reason why I haven't seen my sister in 3 years.

Moving forward to where Ally can fully see me, making brief eye contact before kneeling down before the little girl. Hands tugging tightly on her mother's leg as she hides her face from mine. It's understandable, I'm an unknown face, so I decided to introduce myself, "Hello," I said gentle, just looking at the innocent girl softly not wanting to overstep my boundaries, "I'm Macy."

I'm oblivious to my surroundings, so much so that I didn't hear the stampede of feet rocketing down the stairs. The only thing I'm focusing on is this little girl. She just looks at me in what I'm assuming is confusion because she's never seen me before and I her. It's new for all of us.

"What's your name?"

I honestly didn't expect an answer, she looked like such a delicate flower, but a genuine smile covered my face when she said "Lydia" in the quietest voice I've ever heard.

"Nice to meet you, Lydia," I say as I reached my hand forward for her to take in her own, and she did. Slowly but surely her hand was in mine, her tiny hand. Smiling softly at Lydia hoping to have her mirror my actions, she does, but it's short-lived as I'm sucked back into the reality that is the rest of my family.

"So you run off, get knocked up and have the audacity to come back here 3 years later begging for a place to stay," laughed Cora at the mentality of her older sister. I can't help but shake my head as I let go of Lydia's hand, her smile falling behind my back, "Cora, she had a kid," I said to my sister hoping to get her to understand, but it seems as though I don't understand either.

"Oh no the kid can stay, but her," she laughed at the thought, "no chance, not again," shaking her head at the idea of us welcoming Ally back into our home, into our family again. Cora is strong-minded, no doubt about it, but when it comes to her family, if anyone stands in between them and happiness, even if it's our family themselves, they best hope they don't cross Cora.

Cora and Ally have never gotten along. I've always blamed it on the fact that they are too much alike. Cora may be extremely vocal about everything, but Ally is too, just minus the vocal part. You can tell a lot about Ally and how she's feeling just by looking at her. And right now she looks vulnerable. She has a child and I don't know where she has been staying for the last few years but right now she's homeless and what type of family would we be if we shunned out our own.

A terrible one that's what.

"Corrina, if she wants to stay she can stay. If she wants to go she can go. This is just as much her home as it is yours," mom ushered out all in one breath, still baffled that her daughter and newly found granddaughter are standing before her.

I really feel for our mother, ever since Ally vanished she hasn't been the same. It was a drastic change, not enough for the people she sees on her daily shop, but us, her family have noticed that a little light behind our mother's eyes has been duller than usual. Looking at her right now, the light is still flickering but instead with hope. Hope at a new beginning with her daughter and her granddaughter.

"If you ever leave my mother like that again, after everything she has done for us, especially you, it'll be the last thing you do," threatens Cora, never breaking her eyes from Ally who is doing the same.

Coming back to her senses, Ally snaps out of the trance that is Cora's eyes, clicking her fingers like a royal pain in the ass, "Lydia, come," she orders the little girl as she readies herself for the March up the stairs.

Noticing that her mother is no longer standing in front of her, hiding her from the picture that is her family, she rushes to her mother not before looking at me though and I can't help but feel bad, "Lydia if you want you can stay down here, I can make you something to eat," I said trying my best to convince the little girl that she doesn't have to do everything her mother says, but little Lydia shakes her head in rejection.

Maybe it's because she genuinely just wants to stay with her mom in a foreign place or it could be that her mom is staring at her, as though waiting for Lydia to make the wrong choice. P.S I'm the wrong choice in this situation, according to her.

Stomping her away up the stairs like an angry teenager, she leaves her daughter behind assuming that she will just follow her like a helpless puppy. Unable to hide my pity for the little girl, I attempt to cheer her up a bit, "see you soon DeeDee," I promised as a subtle smile appeared on the 3-year-olds face before running after her mother's tail.

The hallway is left in silence, not an awkward silence but just a thoughtful one. The same thoughts and feelings are running through all our minds; Ally's back, with a child. She was bad enough on her own, but now with a daughter, I fear not only for us but for that little girl.

Rubbing my eyes, as the only thought that is running through my mind behind 'this is not my fault', 'there was nothing I could have done to make her stay', no matter what, if she left for a reason or not, I just hope she keeps DeeDee safe because God knows she never done that when she was here anyway.

Just as I had enough of the energy to leave he room, a pile of papers tucked under Ally's mattress caught my attention. Behind down to pull them out, I'm shocked at what she had hidden. It as a collection of loose picture. My curiosity getting the better of me, I start to flick through them, she not here to tell me otherwise.

There are ones from her senior year of high school and her only 2 friends, who I've only had the pleasure of meeting once. On was called Barrett from what I remember, I don't remember the other name, all I know is that the unknown friend mysteriously disappeared a few years after they left high school.

The rest of the picture where weird but oddly boring, snaps of her smoking and drinking, kicking a few gravestones, y'know typical Ally behaviour. It's the last picture that struck me, made my blood run cold but in a comforting way. It's a picture of Ally and I for that time I shaved my head. I briefly remember mom taking it after me begging for hours, trying to convince her and Ally that this was a moment the was worth capturing.

There I stood, tall and proud, both hands on my head with a cheeky grin plastering on my beetroot face, my eyes holding a sheen of water from laughing. It's a contrasting picture. Ally slouched beside me, well a wingspan away from me, because I'm was an embarrassment to her. Her eyes deadly staring into the camera, making no effort to show any emotion.

I remember being disappointed with her lack of effort in the picture, but looking at it now it's perfect. It really shows how we were and are. I always wondered where this picture went. Mom got it reluctantly developed for me and even framed it for my bedside table. I only had it for a few days before it went missing. At first, I blamed mom, believe she wanted to erase the memory from her brain, but all this time Ally had it, and that oddly warms my heart. Sure it was hidden under her bed, but she still had it and kept it. Now I'm deciding to take it back because if the world continues the way it going, I don't know when the next time I'll see my sister will be.

"Do you think we'll ever see her again?" the sudden voice breaking through the air causing me to jump, and I spin around to find Cora leaning on the door frame, looking around the room in wonder just as I had moments before.

"If you asked me a week ago I would have said yes," I replied looking down at the picture in my hand before folding it and putting it into my back pocket, "Now I don't know."

The thought of Ally coming home was always a distant one. I wanted to believe that the day would come where she would be back and our family would be whole again. That was when the world was normal and even then she still showed no signs of ever coming back.

It seems to me as though the world as we know it is changing, coming to an end if you will. The though of Ally coming home was a longshot before but now more than ever.

A redneck just apparently saved my mom life for crying out loud and now I'm having to drive with said redneck to find his brother.

The worlds went mad.

It's changed and I don't know if I like it.

But it seems like I have no choice.

And thats chapter two done. Its going to be an interesting ride thats for sure.

You got to learn some more about Ally and we also met the lovely man that it Merle Dixon.

If you want to be tagged when I post for this AU just ask and I will for sure do that.

But anyways, yeah, I hope you liked it.

DAISY.

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years ago

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survey by nadine07

[..Introductions..] First Name: Stephanie.

Middle Name: I don’t want to share that.

Last Name: Not sharing that either.

Birthdate: July 28th.

[..First Things First..] What was the first thing you did after you got up? I stayed in bed for a few hours after watching TV, scrolling through Tumblr, checking my social medias, and talking to my aunt. She’s been staying here for the past week and sleeps in my room and we’re both insomniacs who sleep late.

What was the name of your first pet? Our dog, Buster. I only vaguely remember him because I was really little.

Who was your first big crush? This boy in my class named Tim when I was in 3rd grade.

Where was the first place you drove after you got your license? I don’t drive or have my license.

Who was your very first friend? These two girls, Crystal and Starr, when I was in preschool.

What was the first thing you ate today? Wingstop for dinner.

What was your first job? I haven’t had a job.

[..Colors..] Name something red in the room you are in: My doggo’s bag of food.

Is orange one of your school's team colors? I’m not in school anymore.

How many yellow shirts do you own? A couple, I think.

Name someone you know who drives a green car: My dad.

Is it a blue sky outside right now? No, it’s pitch black.

What is the first thing that pops into your head when I say 'purple'? Grapes.

Are the walls in the room you're in white? Yep.

Does black make you think of depressing things? I suppose I do associate it more with that or like edgy things.

Jewelry: gold or silver? Both.

[..Phone Stuff..] Who is your provider? Verizon.

How long have you had your current phone? I just got this past Christmas.

What did your last text say? My aunt shared a video she took of my doggo.

If you woke up naked next to the last person to call, would it be awkward? Uh, yeah to say the very least cause that was my mom.

Was your last missed call male or female? Female.

Who is your 10th phone contact? I’m not checking.

How did you meet them? --

Are you related to your 17th phone contact? --

How long have you known your 1st phone contact? --

When was the last time you saw them? --

Who is your 4th phone contact? --

Have you ever kissed that person? --

When was the last time someone drunk dialed/texted/left a voicemail? Like 10 years ago.

[..Friends..] Who is your #1? Myspace died a loooong time ago. I also don’t hve any friends, so.

How long have you known them? --

Have you ever kissed? --

Are you dating this person? --

Do you have nicknames for each other? --

What is your #2's full name? --

Do they live within 20 minutes of you? --

How did you meet? --

Could you live with this person? --

Who is your #3? --

Where are they right now? --

When is this person's birthday? --

Has this person ever seen you naked? --

What is your #4's full name? --

When did you last see them? --

Have they ever dated one of your other friends? --

Do you know their favorite movie? --

[..Randomosity..] What time is it? 11:28PM.

Are you supposed to be doing something other than this? Nah.

Do you live on your own or with your parents? I live with my parents, brother, and doggo.

Are you more of a cat or a dog person? Dog, for sure. <<<

Are you allergic to anything? Tangerines and seasonal allergies.

Does your shirt have anything written on it? Yeah, it says Disneyland across the top on the back.

Have you ever tie-dyed something? Yeah, when I was a kid.

Who can you always count on to cheer you up? My doggo.

How many places have you been today? From my bed to the living room, bathroom, and kitchen, ha.

Are you a forgiving person? Yes.

When was the last time you felt let down? I’m always feeling down.

What is the title of the nearest book to you? I’m in the living room and there aren’t any books around, currently. Are you wearing anything that belongs to someone else? No.

Can you whistle? Nope.

Do you look more like your mother or your father? My mom.

Are you still in high school? I graduated well over 10 years ago now.

Are you the oldest, middle, youngest, or an only child? I’m the middle kid.

Has anyone ever told you that you talk in your sleep? I’ve been told that before when I was much younger. I have no idea if I still do.

How many people have you kissed this year? Zero.

Is there anyone of the opposite sex you trust fully? Yes.

Are you a night owl or an early bird? Both, I guess, considering I don’t even go to bed until like 7 or 8AM. If I actually go to bed before then, though, I have a really hard time getting up early and have no desire to.

If you could have an exotic pet, what would it be? Nah.

Would you rather go to Brazil for the weekend or Finland for a month? I’ll take the month long trip.

[..And Finally..] Where did you go the last time you drove somewhere? I don’t drive.

Where did you last go out to eat at? I think it was Denny’s back before the pandemic hit. I get takeout all the time, though, especially from Wingstop, which I had for dinner tonight.

When was the last time you let someone borrow something from you? I don’t remember.

Was your last breakup a bad one? I had a really hard time when things ended and we hadn’t even actually dated. We had something, though, going on for 3 years. The feelings were there and very real, at least on my end. He completely played and used me.

What was the last song you listened to? I don’t remember. I haven’t listened to music for like 2 months now, it’s weird.

What was the last movie you watched? I’m currently watching, “He’s Just Not That Into You.”

Did your last kiss happen in a public place? I think so. It was almost 10 years ago, so my memory of it is foggy.

How did you meet the last person to leave you a comment? I’d have to check who that was and I’m lazy.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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boymeetsweevil · 6 years ago

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For Science 2/7

Grouping: Reader x Nerd!Jungkook

Word Count: ~8.6k lmao where is this going idek

Warnings/Themes: not much honestly just some good old fashioned heavy petting and dry humping :) because why not?

Summary: Jungkook asks you to let him watch you get off. For science.

part 1, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7

The next time you see Jungkook is a few days later when classes have started back up for the week. You spent a good 20 minutes that morning staring up at your ceiling wondering if today would be the day that the consequences of your drunken voyeurism party would come back to haunt you. Jungkook isn’t necessarily someone that can’t keep secrets, but given that he’s a bit of a novice when it comes to sex, you’re not sure whether he’ll keep his mouth shut. And as appealing as cutting class would have been, you can’t risk your grades in your junior year and with applications for jobs looming over your head with one year left.

When you emerge from the food court holding your lunch tray, you head to the patch of grass on the quad that you and the guys like to frequent. From the short distance away, you can see that Tae has just sat down to join Hoseok. Jungkook is nowhere to be found and you’re secretly glad you don’t have to deal with him watching you walk over. You give them a nod as you sit down, careful not to spill your food or the precious brownie wrapped up in the corner well of the tray.

“How was Friday night,” Tae asks over a mouthful of tuna sandwich.

“It was fine, why do you ask.” Your voice remains level as you unwrap your sandwich, but you don’t make eye contact.

“What do you mean ‘why’? Jungkook can’t handle his liquor and always throws up if he has more than one beer. Did he even make it to your apartment? No one heard anything from either of you for the whole weekend.”

“Yeah, I was thinking about that after the uber left,” Hoseok nods sympathetically.

“Shut up,” you laugh, throwing a crumpled wad of plastic wrap at him. “You weren’t thinking about anything. You were knocked out like your BAC was .9.”

“At least I wasn’t…”

“At least you weren’t what? Because whatever you’re going to critique me for, I didn’t do.”

“Didn’t do what,” Jungkook asks as he approaches the area where you’re all seated on the grass.

“Didn’t do you,” Hoseok snorts.

Jungkook pauses with his chicken nugget in midair. “What exactly are we talking about?”

“You don’t remember asking her to deflower you so you’d be a better lay for Yoori? Man, you really are a lightweight. I don’t get it. You’re tall and muscly, it makes no sense.”

“You really don’t remember?” Tae leans over to look at Jungkook with concern.

“I remember what I remember,” is all he says before digging into his lunch without another word. Your relief is short lived because the topic switches only slightly when Taehyung asks about Yoori.

“When did you say she was coming back, again?”

Jungkook’s eyes crinkle with subdued excitement. “She said she was coming back in a month.”

“Well, you’d better start working on that v-card issue then.”

“I’m sure that I’ll come up with some sort of solution,” he shrugs and pushes up his glasses with his middle finger. “Can you go back in line and get me more chicken nuggets, Hoseok?”

“Why me?”

“You’re the only one who’s done eating.” When Hoseok refuses to budge, Jungkook brandishes his ID card like it’s a thick wad of cash. “You can buy whatever you want while you’re up there. On me.”

“Deal,” he snatches the card away before turning to Tae. “Come stand in line with me.”

You turn to watch the two of them go, snorting at how much they resemble tweedle dee and tweedle dum.

“You couldn’t stand in line yourself, hotshot?”

“I just wanted to talk with you privately,” he mumbles while playing with the grass.

“Oh. Is it about this weekend?”

“Yeah. I’ve been giving it some thought and honestly...”

Here comes the rejection, you think. But technically you weren’t even dating, much less together, so how could you be getting rejected? And it was his idea in the first place, so he definitely can’t reject you. The thoughts come at you all at once, inundating you until you’re staring above his head at nothing, trying not to shriek in frustration.

“Hello? Where are you right now, Mars?” Jungkook lays a hand on your shoulder, breaking your reverie.

“What?”

“Did you hear what I said?”

“Uh. No, sorry. What did you say?” You raise your shoulder so his hand slides off on its own, bracing yourself for his next words.

“I said I think we should make it a weekend thing instead of just one day a week.”

“Really? Why?”

“Think about the math for starters. We’d meet maybe four more times if Yoori’s actually coming back in a month. But that’s not nearly enough time to test for variables or come up with a formula. Much less master technique. And think of all the instruments I still don’t have a good familiarity with.”

“Jungkook--”

“I figure with weekends, we could triple the amount of raw time we have. And if we’re really being sticklers for detail, we could more than triple the amount of practice situations if we operate under the assumption that it will be mainly just you acting as the test subject.” His hands flutter as he talks until they land like birds in his hair and turn it into a deranged looking nest.

“Jungkook.”

“I read on Sunday that vaginal orgasms can occur in series and since most of the sessions will be focused on you, we don’t have to factor in the more singular penile orgasms or refractory periods and--”

“Are you really talking about your dick like it’s a limiting reagent right now?”

“Yes,” he stops his rambling to look at you through his lenses, the glass making his eyes appear even rounder and shinier. “Should I not do that?”

“You know what? It’s fine. Weekends are fine. Everything’s fine.”

“Are you sure? Your voice is starting to sound a little...hysterical.”

“No, it’s really fine. I’ll just stay over at your place this week after Fortnite.”

“Crap, I forgot about Fortnite. We were so close to being able to compete in the town tournament.”

“It’s fine, just move it to another day of the week.”

“But how will I explain that to Tae and Hoseok without raising suspicion?”

You gnaw on the corner of your lip until an idea comes to you. “Just tell them that my test scores went down a lot and you have to tutor me. Happens to Hoseok all the time.”

“But there’s no way your results would go down enough for you to need tutoring all weekend long for a month’s worth of weekends. You’re way too smart for that.”

“Y-you think so?” His words make your cheeks warm up and you smile up at him shyly.

His brow furrows. “Of course you’re smart. You know that.”

“Obviously I know, but I…didn’t know you thought that way too.”

“I’d be crazy not to,” he smiles softly at you.

“Here are your damn nuggets, you lazy baby.”

A tray piled high with nuggets and baked goods comes crashing down from Hoseok’s hands with a scary accuracy into Jungkook’s lap. Hoseok never ceases to amaze you with the speed at which he can ruin a nice mood. There’s no sense in mourning a one-sided moment, though, so you just scoop up a stray nugget and nibble. Hoseok sits down roughly onto the green with chocolate stains around his mouth, the cherry tart in his hand seems to be his next victim. Jungkook chokes on a lettuce leaf.

“Just how much did you troglodytes buy!?”

“Not that much,” Tae looks guilty as he peels the wrapper off a drumstick ice cream cone.

“Don’t act like you can’t just reload the missing funds,” Hoseok points a syrupy finger in Jungkook’s direction, “You have that programming money, asshole.”

You shake your head and gesture for Tae to grab what he can and leave them to it.

The most daunting thing about the whole arrangement is that during the rest of the week Jungkook manages to act like he’s hasn’t come over to your apartment to watch and help you get off for the sake of being better lover to Yoori. He’s completely nonchalant in the way that he sits next to you when you all get together to strategize for robotics competitions, his elbow brushing yours the entire time. When Hoseok uses Jungkook’s newfound virginity again to knock him down a peg during a study session where he keeps mock-grading Hoseok’s answers down, he doesn’t bat an eyelash. It’s not like Jungkook has suddenly become cool, though. He still eats like a 5-year-old weight lifter. And he still falls asleep on the floor of Tae’s room only to wake up with the shape of his glasses imprinted onto his face. He still looks across the room with lightning speed and holds out his hand like he did when you were kids because he wants you on his team when you guys stumble upon a spontaneous Super Smash Bros being hosted in Tae’s dorm lobby. Jungkook is still just as much himself as he was before you spread your legs for him and you can’t tell if that makes you happy or sad.

Friday rolls around and you spend 2 hours more than usual getting ready for Fortnite at Jungkook’s. The funny part is that you never ‘got ready’ before. But now you’re taking a 40 minute shower to shave basically every hair that grows below your eyelashes and using the previously unopened lotion your mother bought you from the Clinique store a birthday ago. You even put on a mud mask you bought on a whim once and sing a little song called ‘this isn’t a date’ the whole time it dries on your face. By the time you leave your apartment to head over, your whole body is moisturized, glowing, hairless, and fragrant. You empty out your backpack and fill it with the things you’ll need for the weekend so as not to raise suspicion with an overnight bag. Though it’s significantly lighter because its not filled with textbooks and toolkits, you still feel like you’re carrying a huge weight on your shoulders as you knock on Jungkook’s door.

Taehyung is the first to greet you because he’s the one who gets sent to open the door.

“Weird,” he blurts out. He quickly regrets saying anything when your mouth drops open.

“I look weird?”

“I don’t know,” he studies you as you both make your way to small set up of consoles in the middle of the dorm’s living area. “Guys, doesn’t she look weird?”

“Excuse me. I don’t want to do this right now. Nothing’s weird.”

“You do look weird,” Hoseok chimes in and puts down his controller to stalk forward. “But your hair is doing that same…shape it always does. And you’re not, like, wearing something nice for a change.”

All you can do is gape at their rude comments as they circle around you.

“Kook, come check this out. She look different to you?”

Jungkook approaches slowly and looks you over with the rest of them. When it was just Taehyung and Hoseok, you could at least make angry eye contact and flick them in the forehead when they got too close. But with Jungkook also looking at you, it feels like you’re glued by your feet to the floor, unable to move.

“You don’t really look all that different. You smell a little different, though.”

The other two sniff the air before letting out matching yells of agreement and crowding you further to guess the smell. You have to give Hoseok a purple nurple when his nose starts to tickle your neck but you’re too exhausted to shake Taehyung off and endure him linking arms with you as you walk to your seats to continue sniffing your hairline.

“What’d you do? Run out of that dollar store lotion you use,” Hoseok jokes as he tosses you a controller.

“Yes,” you deadpan just to get him off your back. Jungkook scoots his chair next to yours, getting into the normal team pairings. When he gets close enough, you lean over, sheepish, and ask, “Do I smell weird? Be honest.”

“No,” he pats your thigh reassuringly before redirecting his gaze at the TV. “You smell good.”

Although you’re relieved that no one really questioned your slight change in presentation, you can’t settle fully into the game night because you’re practically vibrating with excited nerves. You’ve stayed the night with hookups in the sense that you were too tired to leave directly after a one night stand so you crashed with them in their beds and snuck out at dawn. But this would be different. While it wasn’t a full-on sleepover with a main squeeze, it was still better than doing the walk of shame from a stranger’s apartment at 6 am. And it would be a weekend with Jungkook. After a few hours of trying to hide the childlike smile on your face and having your character nearly die every round, the gang calls it quits.

“Hey, what’s up with you,” Hoseok calls from across the room. “Why do you suck at playing tonight?”

“Just thought it might be interesting to play like you do for a change,” you snark. Taehyung and Jungkook both grimace for Hoseok, who opts for flipping you the bird instead.

“You know, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say this is just misplaced passion between us.”

“Good thing you know better.”

Thinking of Hoseok as anything other than an annoying friend has your skin crawling, but you do give him a pat on the back as a silent ‘good game’.

“Should we go out for ice cream? The night is still young. And you’re out of ice cream,” Taehyung calls from where is head is practically buried inside the freezer.

“Sorry, guys. I’m video calling with RealiCorp tomorrow at 8am about some software updates and I have to get to bed so I can be sharp.”

“You don’t have to come. We can get ice cream just the three of us,” Taehyung says as he slips on his shoes.

“I think I’m gonna have to take a rain check as well,” you perch yourself on the armrest of the couch facing the consoles. “I’m on a diet, so I think I’ll just go home.”

“And the reason you’re not getting up go now is?” Hoseok eyes how comfortable you look in your spot and raises an eyebrow.

“It’s dark outside and it’s not safe for me to walk back. I’m calling an uber.”

“Lame, but safety first, I guess.” He wraps an arm around Taehyung and pulls the door open. “You gonna treat your senior to a snow cone?”

You wait for their figures to disappear down the road before turning to look at Jungkook.

“You don’t really have a RealiCorp meeting.”

He grins. “How’d you know?”

“Easy. RealiCorp offices are in New York and 7pm their time is way too late for a minor business call.”

“You caught me. Are you really on a diet?”

“What do you think?” He snorts and raises his palms in surrender.

“I’m gonna go shower, but I’ll see you in a bit.”

You watch him retreat to the bathroom and suddenly you’re glad he’s gone because there is very little time before he watches you get off again.

Quickly you bring your bag to his bedroom and settle on his mattress and wait. To kill time, you look around the room. The superhero movie posters that cover a generous amount of the wall space and the wall length bookshelf that is covered with stacks of comic books depicting the same stories the movies do all scream ‘nerd’. So does the giant monitor with a large terminal blinking on it and pair of laptops on his desk. The laundry basket has three different shirts with Big Bang Theory quotes on them. You shake your head and recall the day you’d bought them for him off Etsy. You weren’t a fan of the show yourself but he loved to watch it for the jokes and to poke holes in the scientific jargon the characters would spew.

“You notice anything new,” he asks as he walks in, shutting the door behind him while he scrubs at his wet hair with a towel.

“No. Did you add something?”

“Yeah,” he says, pointing to the wall that holds the room’s sole window. There’s a large felt flag with the RealiCorp logo embroidered onto it.

“Oh. Nice flag.”

“Not that, that’s old.” He walks over and gestures a hand underneath the flag. Beneath the flag are a handful of photos off you, Taehyung, and Hoseok from over the years. You remember each of the specific moments in which they were taken.

“You’re not in any of them,” you murmur.

“I know. But I don’t need a picture of myself. I know what I looked like and what I was feeling. Having a photo of you guys is the main thing.”

The softness of his tone makes your heart ache. Jungkook is a sentimental genius, a rare breed. With every fiber of your being you wish that he could be yours. You’ve spent around a decade of your life loving him from afar despite the fact that you’re best friends. But you’re prepared to spend another decade doing it if that’s the way you can stay in each other’s lives. The sooner you commit to that fate, the less cloudy this weird thing you have going on will make your brain and the less it will hurt when it’s over and you watch Yoori get to have him.

“Oh, I have something for you.”

He retrieves a brown paper bag from under his desk and dumps the contents on the bed while you strip off your loose joggers. From the bag fall a giant tube of lubricant and a few sex toys. Your peer down at the trinkets with an amused expression while he putters around his room. When he sits down again, you finally take note of his outfit.

Junkgkook is in his mottled and self-distressed hoodie and threadbare sweats that his dad bought him from the school co-op when he got his acceptance letter 4 years ago. It’s an outfit you’re very familiar with because he often wears it whenever you all are dealing with messy things. Like oil changes, painting the exterior of fighter bots, or baking with Hoseok. Now that his hair isn’t soaking wet, he has his bangs pushed away from his face with a thin headband and sleek goggles replace his chunky black frames. You weren’t going to say anything but then you saw the small notebook and pen clutched in his grasp.

“Okay. What the hell is that outfit?”

“You act like you’ve never seen me in my researching clothes before.”

“I have, but you’re not dissecting a drone you found in a dumpster, you’re looking at my vagina.”

“Proper lab attire is an integral part of any successful experiment,” he waves an admonishing finger at you.

“You’re calling sweatpants with cheese stains on them ‘proper lab attire’?”

“This isn’t an efficient use of our time,” he huffs.

“Oh my god, okay fine.” The energy in the room is a little more chaotic than it was before but it provides you with the push needed to get your panties down and trapped around an ankle and you clambering into a half prone position. “Let the experimentation begin.”

Jungkook waits for you to part your knees before shuffling into his spot between your legs. He ducks his head to peer at your exposed folds before scribbling down some notes.

“What are you writing?”

“Nothing much. Just making note of the initial appearance so I can compare towards the end. Can I touch you? My hands are clean, I promise.”

“Uh, yeah, go ahead.”

Clearly he remembered more than he let on from that first night because he goes straight for your clit like you mentioned before. Slowly, he reaches a pointer finger out to poke. The sudden pressure, though light, has you jumping.

“Sorry,” he looks up at you from behind his frames, “I forgot how sensitive it is.”

“It’s okay,” you tell him as you focus your gaze on the ceiling. You’re trying hard to maintain a semblance of professionalism.

When his finger stops skimming, he’s a little too far south and you tell him so. He adjusts and manages to find it the second time around. He looks at your face carefully to gauge the reaction and is a little disappointed to see that you look bored. He tries circling his fingertip around the little nub, but the pressure is too light and almost ticklish. You snicker quietly and he gives up.

“This isn’t working. You don’t look like you’re having any fun,” he pouts.

“Kook, this isn’t about me. And this is supposed to be educational, not fun.”

“But its only educational for me if you’re having fun. What else can I do?

“What do you mean, you’re doing fine.”

“I did the finger thing and it didn’t do anything. All you did was laugh.”

“No one is laughing at you, though.”

“What about this,” he asks and you have to look back down to see what he’s talking about.

You realize he’s talking about the small bullet vibrator that lay amongst the things he brought in the brown paper bag. He holds it up to your face so you can get a better view of what it is. You look away, already very familiar with it because you have a blue version in the shoebox under your bed.

“Some people do use those to get off, that’s true.”

“Then let’s put this in. It has a USB in it. Will it collect data?”

“Slow your roll. That thing is more for direct clit stimulation than insertion. It’s the same thing I used on myself last time, remember?”

You watch him inspect it. He finds the power button and turns it onto its lowest setting. The low buzz fills the room and reminds you just what type of activities you’re engaging in. Without a warning he lays the vibrating toy where he thinks remembers your clit is. He’s right and the sudden vibrations have one of your legs kicking out involuntarily. You let out a yelp and try to scramble backwards, but the headboard keeps you in your spot.

“Fuck!”

Jungkook throws back his head and laughs. It’s the type of laugh he does where its strong and high and rolling. In most situations its infectious, but here you’re mad that he’s taking advantage of your natural reactions.

“Your leg did that last time too,” he giggles before quickly writing down your reaction. “This is fun.”

He approaches you with the toy again, this time remembering to circle your clit like you had demonstrated before. You just barely keep a moan from escaping. This time your eyes roll into the back of your head at the feeling assaulting your clit.

“Wow,” he breathes.

Again, he hurries to jot everything down in quick script with his free hand. In the porn he’d watched, it seemed like all rubbing a woman’s clit would get you was a coy smile and a musical lilting moan. Your reaction was far more visceral than he had expected. The way your back arched upwards looked almost painful, but there was something graceful about the way your body just took over.

“Okay,” you say harshly. You can feel the pricks of sweat creeping along your hairline and spine. Your body thinks its getting sex soon, but its mistaken. “I think that’s enough learning for today.”

“Oh, come on. We only did one round,” he whines.

“Pfft. That wasn’t even one round. I didn’t cum.”

His nose scrunches in confusion as he jots that down. “You didn’t? Then what was all that flailing you did and the stuff with your face.”

“I’m just…responsive. That’s all.”

“Well, you can’t quit. We agreed to do this all weekend, remember?”

“I know,” you sigh, and cover your eyes with your hands, “Let’s…just move on, okay? What do you think the next step is?”

He frowns a little, the corners of his mouth turning down anxiously. He reaches for one of the toys he brought, a slightly larger than average size dildo, and clutches it in two hands before inching it towards your pelvis.

“No,” your hands come out quickly before he impales you. “Jungkook, think. What’s missing from this situation? Why might it be too early for that?”

“Hold on,” he asks picking up his pen and paper and pinning you with a quizzical look. “Say that again?”

“You can’t just jump to inserting foreign objects.”

He furrows his brows. You watch as his thinking face comes out: the cute scrunched nose, cute pursed lips, cute round eyes filled with confusion. After a few beats, he comes up with something, his fingers snapping with the small victory.

“If I were jerking off right now,” you fight to keep the image from surfacing in your head, “I would need to make sure the friction wouldn’t cause lacerations or inflammation. And I bought this.” He hands you the gaudy pink bottle of lube and you frown once you read the label. Upon further inspection, you can see that its actually just hand cream. Cherry scented.

“Partial credit,” you say, handing it back to him.

“What? Why?”

“Because it’s not real lube and I don’t want a yeast infection.”

“But this is the only one I got,” he pouts.

His dejected face makes you want to wrap him up in the duvet. There is a solution he’s not thinking of, and you suppose there’s no better time than the present for someone to learn about foreplay. The possible complications that could arise are present in the back of your mind, but you figure since you’re doing this all for Yoori, you should go big or go home.

“Jungkook, are you forgetting the vaginas are self-lubricating? That’s a rookie move, even for you.”

His bright smile returns. “How could I forget. But how do we jumpstart the lubrication process? What’s the catalyst?”

“Well, you have to be,” you search for an elegant word but can’t find one, “You have to be turned on.”

“Well, what do I have to do to turn you on?”

The question is innocent in and of itself. But the way that Jungkook tilts his head like an eager puppy, lip trapped between his even, white teeth, smelling like soap and safety makes your stomach do flip flops. He looks up at you, and ponders what it would take to get your folds to become sticky with arousal like they were last time. His hands fidget with the pen and notebook, clearly at a loss for ideas about what the next step is.

“I-it’s different for every person. But foreplay is generally the best way to work someone up.”

His pen moves at an impressive speed as he writes down your words. “Fourplay? Like the number four?”

“Not really, no. I mean if you adhere to, like, the four bases, then sure.”

“What bases?”

“You know what I mean. The bases. The four F’s.” When he merely blinks up at you, no recognition suddenly lighting up his eyes, you realize he’s way more inexperienced than you thought. “French, feel, finger, fuck? Never heard of them?”

“Nope,” he says.

“Okay. Um, it’s a baseball metaphor for sex. Or, more accurately, the events that can lead up to it and then sex. The first one, French, refers to french kissing.”

“What’s Feel stand for?”

“Feel as in feeling someone up or groping them. Finger is pretty straight forward, it stands for fingering but really could be anything you do with the hands. And I guess oral falls into that category too.”

“Fuck is the whole sex, right?”

“Yes, it’s…the whole sex. But maybe just call it sex from now on?”

“Right,” he says. “Which ones would you need in order to lubricate?”

Your cheeks heat. “They’re all pretty much fine for me. I mean the order is pretty appropriate.”

His expression slowly morphs into one of intense thought before it contorts again into nervousness. “I’ve only ever kissed someone once. In middle school. I don’t remember it, but I don’t think I was very good at it.”

“Well, we don’t have to if you’re—”

“No, no, I wanna do it. It’ll be good if we do this now, so I can spend the rest of the time improving. You can help me. I’m sure Yoori likes to kiss people as well,” he says resolutely.

You shake your head to dislodge the idea of Yoori sitting on a throne and watching the evening’s events play out.

“Okay. Maybe we should just focus on one at a time, then.”

“Yeah.”

He tries to shuffle up next to you with his notebook and pen, but you make him leave them by the foot of the bed, explaining that he likely won’t be able to take notes anyway. Once he’s sitting next to you by the pillows, he awkwardly turns to you, neck craned at an uncomfortable angle. You sigh. He’s really not doing anything to help build an ambiance and you have to do it all yourself. You start by reaching out to take off his lab goggles, trying not to laugh at the pink lines they left on his face.

“I can’t see,” he pipes up as soon as you become a blurry shape in front of him.

“You weren’t wearing your contacts under those?”

“I don’t wear contacts. They’re too much of a hassle. And the goggles have prescription in them. It’s easier that way.”

“It’s fine. Most people close their eyes for this anyway.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. It’s easier than trying to focus on someone’s face an inch in front of you. Plus, it feels nice so you just kind of…close them.”

He merely nods and you turn to face him fully. His eyes are squeezed shut and his shoulders are nearly brushing his ears with how tensely he’s holding them.

“Kook,” you whisper, “Why are you all hunched up?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I just got scared for a second. I don’t know.”

“It’s okay. There’s no need to worry.”

“How do these things normally begin?”

“Honestly? You just feel it coming when the mood is right. For now though, either one of us could just start.”

“Maybe I can start,” you’re surprised to hear him volunteering, “And you can take over if I get stuck.”

“Okay,” you whisper as he inches towards you.

You relax your jaw and let your eyes fall closed. Clearly he’s close or else you wouldn’t be able to smell his clean shower gel scent, but a few moments pass and he hasn’t done anything. You’re about to open your mouth to ask him if he’s alright when he finally swoops in and plants a swift peck on your lips before backing away. It was too fast to really be anything close to a kiss. More just a dry bump of lips. You open your eyes again to find him peering at your nervously.

“I got stuck,” he mumbles. Even though he’s a few months older than you, the small way he sits after having had his second kiss makes you feel powerful. Not superior, just capable of taking care of him and showing him ‘the ropes’, whatever they may be.

“That’s okay.” You reach a hand out to glide across his cheek and settle in the hair at the nape of his neck and guide him forward. “You’ll get the flow in no time.”

The kiss starts out dry once again, Jungkooks lips are still closed a bit tightly due to his clenched jaw. But some gentle strokes of the shell of his ear with your thumb help coax him into following the way your lips caress his as best he can. It is, admittedly, a bit awkward at first because his rhythm is off, and you can tell he’s frustrated when you open an eye to peek at him and spy his hands scraping at his knees. He tilts his head, nose brushing yours softly, and then suddenly things slot into place. He manages to sync up with you when he pivots a bit and traps your bottom lip. A little surprised breath leaves you as the kiss stops feeling so one-sided and he pushes forward, emboldened by your response. You let the kiss carry on for a while now that the locomotion seems stable enough to be self-sustained. It’s not until his hands bump against your knee for the third time that you pull back minutely.

“You know, in a situation like this,” you bring one of his hands to rest at the curve of your neck, “It’s okay to consider touching her too.”

He can only nod at you, eyes hooded and a little cross eyed as he tries to focus on your silhouette without his glasses, before licking his lips and edging back in. This time he takes the lead. It starts softly, but you definitely don’t mind. His hair feels like silk in between your fingers and the hand you lay on his ribcage doesn’t scare him off. In fact, he seems to want to even the playing field now that you have both your hands on him and moves his free hand to your waist. The weight of his hand feels heavy and hot, and the area of his grasp as his fingers splay out over you reminds you just how big they are.

Jungkook, being as affectionate as he is, doesn’t need to be told he can wander and soon his hand starts to pet a path down your side and across the small of your back in a mindless, slightly oblong cycle. You can feel the butterflies you felt earlier in your belly getting replaced with a familiar pressure, a faithful precursor to the exact slickness between your thighs that started this heavy petting session. But you figure, there’s all weekend and you’re in no rush. If you had a little devil on your shoulder it would be telling you to draw things out, reminding you that learning is something that takes time, and Jungkook loves to learn more than anyone else you know.

Your pull away again slightly, opting for pressing small iterative kisses on his lips and he chases your mouth, not ready to stop. Pushing forward, you leave kisses like stepping stones until he gets the hint and allows you to guide him into lying propped up on his back.

“It’s easier like this. Easier than sitting up, I mean,” you mutter when you finally have him gazing up at you from the pillows. You lay a hand a few inches below his heart, feeling how it races as he lay under you. “It’s also easier for me too if I sit like this.”

“Right.”

He watches you intently as you swing a leg over so you can straddle him and sit yourself in his lap. As soon as do, his hands return to your waist and yours settle on his biceps. Neither of your keep your hands in your initial starting positions and soon your hands end up back in his hair again. A long while passes before you realize that you still haven’t quite reached the first F.

“Jungkook,” you breathe between kisses.

“Yes?”

“You know what French kissing is, right?”

“Y-yes.”

“Do you know how to do it? It might seem like a strange concept so if you want to skip—”

“No, I want to. I mean I want you to show me.”

“Okay.”

Keeping the mood is important, so you don’t jump into it right away. You’re very much aware that no one responds well to a tongue being shoved into their mouth. With that in mind, you kiss him like you did before, but sneak in a small swipe of the tip of your tongue against his bottom lip. He gasps and in the small moment of surprise, you probe a bit further. He gasps again when the muscle moves across his, but the movement is similar enough to how your lips molded against his earlier that it doesn’t take him too long to get the hang of it. When his tongue slides to edges of your teeth you can’t help but let out a tiny moan. Almost as if a switch was flipped, Jungkook’s arms come to wrap around you tightly, crashing you to his chest and he moves like he’s trying to devour you. At first, there’s a bit too much saliva, but with a well-placed hand on his jaw, you maneuver him into a pattern that’s a little less like a washing machine, but he gets too close-lipped. Another well-placed turn of his jaw puts him right on balance. It’s damn near perfect and, in truth, you’re certain that you could get off like this; with the slick sounds of your mouths working together and the sounds of his periodic gasps fill the room like a symphony underneath you. You dig your blunt nails into the muscle of his thigh and use all of your willpower not to beg him to let you pull down his pants and sink down on his length.

You plant a trail of kisses down his neck before pulling back, suffocating in your pullover. He blinks up slowly at you, about to ask if he overstepped his bounds, but then you grasp both his hands and bring them to where the hem of your baby tee ends. You’re about to take advantage of the whole ‘For Yoori’ situation, but you’re so desperate you don’t care that you’re being an ass.

“What is it?”

“Yoori might be the type of girl to want her boobs played with a little.” You reach behind yourself and under the shirt to unfasten the bra underneath. He squints and then his eyes grow wide as he watches you slide the bra off without ever lifting your shirt. “I mean, that always does the trick for me.”

With that, you lift his hands the last few inches until he’s cupping your breasts. He squeezes a little, tests the weight of them in each large hand. He’s fascinated at the way your nipples seem to appear from out of nowhere to push behind the fabric. He brushes his thumbs over the two peaks and smiles when you’re head drops forward and you scrabble to clutch at his shoulders.

“They’re soft,” his tone is dumbstruck and he squeezes again.

“Yeah, they are. Hey, if you pinch them, she might get really wet. Try--mmm--rolling them between your fingers.”

He heeds your suggestion and plays with your chest until you realize you’ve been grinding against his sweatpants covered leg, completely soaking the fabric with a growing dark spot.

“Looks like you’re ready,” he says softly, the wetness finally accumulating enough to be tangible. “Do we stop now?”

“Do you want to stop?”

He chews a bit on his lip and debates lying so he doesn’t seem needy before remembering it’s you he’s dealing with.

“No,” he finally says.

“We can keep going,” you pull him by his collar to help him sit up. “Are you comfortable like this?”

He nods before sitting up a little, dragging you with him as he moves. You settle back and then you’re pinning him with a look. Curiosity keeps you from immediately going back in to kiss him despite the fact that he just admitted to you that he wanted to continue. The air fills with challenge, the light experimental feeling replaced, and he senses it just like you do. He doesn’t try to steer things back to the way they were though, and instead he takes a moment to enter your space. His breath puffs against your cheek while he gathers his bearings.

“You said you can tell when the mood is the right one for a kiss.”

You hold your breath and think of what to say. Everything feels so fragile and you can practically see the way things are headed but you don’t want to break the tumultuous balance.

“Does right now seem like the right moment to you?”

“Yes.”

“Then do it.”

Jungkook is definitely a prodigy or something. Never in your life have you seen someone so good at picking up new skills as quickly as he does. This is something you’re familiar with and yet you still bury your hands in his shirt out of surprise when his own hand suddenly appears at the back of your neck to pull you in. He tilts his head and kisses you like he’s dehydrated and you’re a softly babbling stream. Each time his lips work over you, you feel as though he’s drinking, like he’s pulling something from you. Something you’ve been dying to have him accept from you for a long while. There’s something soft about the way his tongue slides over yours and it’s so tender and everything you want but its also not enough.

He’s solid underneath you and his skin feels almost feverish with how warm it is. There’s strength in the sinewy bundles that cord under your roaming touch and you want to see him put it to use on you so badly that it frustrates you and bleeds into your kiss. You forget where you are and nip at his lip harshly, though not enough to damage. You forget that you haven’t introduced Jungkook to the rougher parts of amorous activities until he tenses underneath you while letting out a low and guttural groan, hands clutching at your hips tightly and then releasing with a nervous flutter.

“Sorry,” he says shyly as his hands come to rest in the part of his lap that you’re not occupying.

“Why are you sorry? I’m the one that bit you.”

“I just meant sorry for…poking you” he can’t finish his sentence because his tongue is tied with embarrassment. You figure he’s talking about how he grabbed you when you bit him and brush it off. Then you feel him thick and hard, nudging your inner thigh.

“Oh. There’s no need to be sorry.”

“But this isn’t about me, this is about--”

“Jungkook,” you stop him with a light hand on his collarbone. “I know your main goal is to be able to please Yoori, but sex is a two-way street. You’re allowed to feel good too.”

“I—okay.” His shoulders are still rounded into himself in a way that makes it clear to you he’s still dwelling on his erection. On instinct you’re moving back in to plant soft kisses on his cheek. You know you’re blurring lines a little by doing so, but you want him to stop feeling so bad.

“Hey, it’s really not an issue. In fact,” you kiss your way to the plush corner of his pouting mouth, “We can really work with this. Let’s try something.”

“What are we going to—Oh!”

His breath leaves him in almost pained huff as you move to slot your dripping center over the bulge in his sweats. A moan sublimates between your mouths and you’re honestly not sure who it came from as you relish in the feel of the drag of the material against your clit. You press kisses to the line of his throat before sucking a bruise at the place where shoulder meets neck. The feeling of your tongue laving small cycles into his skin has his eyes fluttering shut.

After a certain age, Jungkook knew that despite having skipped a few grades, and never having an unweighted GPA of less than 4.46, there were things that some of his peers were becoming aware of but would remain mysterious to him. A few petty classmates had also reminded him on a regular basis that he may only ever know the feeling of relief when it was supplied by his own lubed up right hand. It didn’t worry him much because he assumed that was the fate all those who devoted their lives to science until he watched his peers begin to date as well. Suddenly he was monitoring the freshman night lab by himself on Friday nights because his shift partner was going on dates.nQuickly after that, he was convinced that he’d never get to feel the warmth of another body under his palms.

So as his hands move to stroke your up your sides to your ribs, over your breasts, and back down again while bucking up into your heat, he feels a swell of something towards you. It must be gratitude because you’re giving him a gift. The ability to feel and hold someone while they’re in the throes of an orgasm he produced. And because of this, he’ll be able to do it with Yoori, the girl of his dreams.

He opens his eyes to stare up at your face which is scrunched up in pleasure. It’s amazing, he notes, how easy it is to do all these new things with you. Even the initial fear of failure that he often gets with new subjects fades away in an instant when you put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

You’re warm above him and soft under his hands where he kneads at your chest. He flexes a thigh to give himself so leverage to hump up against you and you whine at the way he now presses firmly against your core. You bury your face in his neck and snap your hips forward. The abrupt onslaught of friction takes him by surprise and he’s coming in his pants after not ten minutes of dry humping with you in between his Thor sheets. The pleasure is so intense that his vision whites out as he cums and he throws all caution to wind as it rips through him. His arms wind around you and pull you closer, a whine leaving him as he slumps back into the pillows.

You fall back with him and let out a small ‘oof’. A quick glance at his sweat drenched and flushed face tells you he must have had a good time. Strong arms are still locked around your waist and the surprise of falling distracted you from chasing your own high, so you merely wriggle out of his grasp and sit back on your heels.

“Good?”

He gives you a wry smile that you usually only see when he’s been drinking. “Yeah.”

“Good,” you say as you hop of the bed and pull on your forgotten joggers before picking up your backpack.

“Wait! Where are you going?” His tone is open and clearly distressed. He fumbles for the prescription goggles that rest on the night table by the bed and shoves them onto his face roughly.

“To shower? My stuff is in my backpack.”

“Oh. Well…did you bring a sleeping bag?”

“No, but I brought a blanket and a pillow for the couch.”

“Don’t sleep on the couch,” you raise an incredulous brow and he backpedals. “We all spent 4 hours farting into that couch because no one wanted to pause the game.”

“Not me.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure,” your face heats up. Whether or not you’re lying is none of his business and you’ll fart where you please without feeling shamed for it. “I’ll just sleep in here. I guess.”

Your time in the bathroom is stressful. Leaving his bedroom, you had a mean case of blue balls and you weren’t sure you could deal with them in his bathroom. It’s never something you imagined you’d have to do while you were at his place, though its not the first time you’ve spent the night or showered there. Game night can get long and you’ve spent many a night fighting Hoseok for hot water in Jungkook’s dorm. After some long and hard thinking about the long and hard thing in Jungkook’s pants, you decide he isn’t the only person who gets to do things for the first time and guide the detachable the shower head between your legs with a fist in your mouth to muffle your moans.

Jungkook is exactly where you left him when you return from the shower, but you can’t face him as you turn back the covers on your half of the bed.

“How was your shower?”

“It was a shower, it was fine.”

“Okay,” he says after a beat.

“I’ll try to be quiet when I leave for yoga. You can keep the light on if you’re not going to sleep right now.”

Up until you said that, Jungkook was tired, but he stays up until your breathing slows and deepens with sleep. It’s drastically different from the way your breath hitched loudly in the shower. He wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, he just wanted some water before bed. But there was something almost musical about the sounds of your choked off moans as you tried to be quiet in the bathroom. He’s proud to say that he didn’t linger once he realized what was going on. He went straight back to his room when his dick twitched in his pants.

Now that you’re asleep, he ventures out the clean himself up before returning. You’ve stolen his pillow to clutch over your face by the time he’s come back. Your pillow from home is still wedged safely under your head and he doesn’t want to wake you. He’s left with no other option than to rest his head on your stomach. If he doesn’t, he won’t sleep at all without a pillow and that’s no good. This is clearly the only solution. Clearly.

When you wake up the next morning 5 minutes before your alarm because you can’t breathe because there’s a giant weight on your chest. The weight is actually Jungkook and you’re not sure what to do.

Apparently, you spend 5 minutes not sure what to do because your alarm starts, waking Jungkook with more confidence than you ever could. You watch with fascination as his eyes open slowly, and wriggling out from under you to wipe at the corners. He turns, resting his chin near your belly button and blinks sleepily at you, gears turning slowly before registering where he is and what he’s doing. You chance a small smile at him.

“Morning.”

“Good morning,” he says. His stare is intense and you wonder if maybe you look haggard or messy.

“What is it?”

He doesn’t respond and instead inches forward with a look of determination. When he’s an inch in front of your face you realize what he’s doing, but its too late to complain about morning breath or being late to Saturday morning yoga.

It’s not long before he’s licking into your mouth slowly, giving you a chance to pull back, change the pace, tweak something. But there’s nothing to change. It doesn’t taste great but it feels amazing and your hands reach up to pull him down onto you without a thought. He groans and tentatively rubs his thumb over the swell of your breast that peeks through the side of your sleeveless sleep tank.

You miss yoga.

#bangtan bookclub #networkbangtan #btssmutclub #bttnetwork #btswriters #bangtan fanfic #bangtan imagines #bangtan scenario #bts fanfic #bts scenarios #bts smut #bts imagines #jungkook fanfic #jungkook imagine #jungkook scenario

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rayewriting · 6 years ago

Text

Being Enough

Fandom: Batman

Note: This fic is ignoring the crappy “Ric Grayson” plot line and Damian’s Teen Titans disaster. I did not like those ridiculous character developments at all so I’m blatantly throwing those out the window. So, Dick did die, was sent to Spyral, before going back to Bludhaven to see how his dumpster fire is holding out. Damian was resurrected, and has met Jon, Maya, and Suren (because they are my babies) but does not have a TT team. Damian is fifteen and Dick is twenty-*mumble mumble* in the first scene. I also tried to write it as if Damian was writing it from third person and I don't how it turned out so... yeah.

Did I mistype and write out “Might wing and Flame burg” for the prompt in my draft and laugh about it off and on for the better part of an hour? Yes, yes, I did.

Two sets of combat boots race across Bludhaven roof tops, both sets were similar in size, one just barely bigger than the other, “Okay, Flamebird, lets see take tonight easy, just a regular patrol, then on home, sound good?” the smooth, tenor voice is from the one wearing midnight black suit with a cobalt blue bird across the front extending to the tips of his fingers.

“Considering the arsonist from the last month’s fires has finally been arrested, that seems reasonable, Nightwing,” the other male agreed with a tenor-bass voice. He was wearing something similar, but his suit was wine red with a marigold bird across his chest, giving the impression of fire when he moves.

“Great, after all it’s your second anniversary, we have to celebrate!”

“I told you, Nightwing, I—”

“’Don’t want a party, and find it pointless’ but I think some people disagree and are waiting for your presence at home,” Nightwing replies with a smile gracing his face,

“TT,” let out Flamebird, but he did not complain as they began their track across the city.

When both vigilantes return home after a quiet patrol, Flamebird opens the fire escape window and upon entering sees a banner with “Happy 2nd Birthday!” and immediately releases a big groan, causing laughter from the others in the apartment. Titus runs over to the two and sniffs at them, then headbutts Damian for pets, Alfred the cat walks over to Dick walking between his legs, wanting attention.

“Go ahead and change, masters. Then the party shall begin,” Pennyworth instructs. Grayson thanks Pennyworth, throws his arm over Damian’s shoulders, and drags the teen down the hallway to change.

When both return to the living room in lounge clothes, the teasing begins, “So, how does it feel like being two, Demon?” Todd jeers at him from the couch.

“You should know, isn’t that how old you are, Todd?” Damian snarked back, sparking laughing in the room.

But Damian wasn’t paying attention to the room, his mind was roaming because Damian remembers the last time of wearing Robin’s colors.

Two and a half years ago on the rain-soaked roof across of Grayson’s Bludhaven apartment building, an equally soaked Damian picking out which apartment was Grayson’s, when he felt the presence of someone else on the roof, instantly alert. “Where are you supposed to be, Little Bird?” a familiar timber asked, instantly letting Damian release the tension from his muscles, he turned around to face his (brother? …father? …mentor?) mentor.

Grayson was in his Nightwing gear, a comforting sight compared the last time Damian saw him with his spy garb. Damian looked down and was reminded that he was not in his Robin uniform, he was sporting his black under armor long sleeve shirt, tights, thick green boots, and green domino mask.

Damian tried to explain, he really was, but he is still reeling from another (conversation? … lecture? … grilling?) conversation, “I—I have no place anymore.” He felt the burning behind his eyes, holding himself together with anger since leaving Gotham; however, his anger was fading, and Damian’s composure was wavering. “I am requesting shelter, Nightwing, I will be out by morning.” Damian requested, trying to pull himself together.

Damian knew Grayson was immediately picking apart his tense stance when touched the roof, “Why don’t we talk about what happened, huh? I was going to cut patrol short today anyway, slow night,” the vigilante gently answered. As Grayson was reaching for his grapple, he noticed Damian about to jump off the side of the building. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, Little One, come here, we will discuss where your things are when we get home.” Damian shrugs and wraps his arms around his neck, legs around his waist, trusting him to swing them to the alley behind his apartment building to enter his apartment. “Okay, first things first- any injuries?” Grayson asks, taking off his mask waiting for Damian’s answer, which is a shrug, “Alright, go head and take a shower, okay? I’ll set some clothes out in front of the door, then we will patch you up,” he requested, knowing Damian needs to find his composure and demanding an explanation now will amount to nothing. Damian nods slowly and begins to head to the guest room and bath.

As Damian walked into the wash room he took of his final layer of armor and turns on the shower to his preferred temperature, he looks himself in the mirror. He has one black eye forming, a few bruises across his arms, and small cuts marring his olive skin, all things that can wait till he bathes to be dealt with. He is stepping into the shower when Grayson knocks on the door and speaks loudly, “I’m leaving the clothes right outside the door, okay, Little D?”

Damian gives a grunt of acknowledgement through the water streaming from the shower. He takes his time, making sure he was thoroughly clean and time to collect his thoughts for himself. When he exits the shower and opens the door, he spots a Cheese Viking sweatshirt, black lounge pants, socks, and undergarments piled on the clean floor. He pulls on the undergarments, bandages his cuts, puts on his socks, sweatshirt, and pants, then exits the wash room.

When Damian enters the living room, Grayson turns to survey his injuries, but he already treated himself and covered by bandages, defiantly not the worst he has gotten physically; however, his emerald eyes must show his pain and grief, because Grayson’s smile dims slightly. “Let’s go get some ice on that shiner, Dami, pick out what you want for dinner, then we can discuss what happened with B when it gets here, alright?” Grayson asks slowly getting up and guiding Damian to the kitchen, grabbing the first ice pack he sees and take-out menus from the freezer door, passing them to Damian, “I haven’t been able to go shopping this week with a gang war breaking out, so choose what you want to eat and I’ll call it in.”

Damian sits at the bar, looks through the menus while placing the compress to his face, wincing slightly. Pizza, Chinese, burgers, Vietnamese, Indian- he picks the Chinese and points out the vegetable fried rice for him to eat, passes the menus back to Grayson, and waits for the older man to make the phone call. “Anything to drink, Dami?” Grayson asks him, causing Damian to look up at the older man- still not speaking, causing Grayson to place his hand on Damian’s shoulder- “Juice, water, tea—” and Damian cuts Grayson off with a nod, “Okay, I have chamomile tea, and I remember how you like it- brown sugar, lemon, and a china cup. Which is perfect because I just bought a tea set…”

As Grayson walks around his kitchen, talking aimlessly, Damian relaxes slowly, the final bit tension draining from his shoulders. When he comes back with both of their tea and takes a seat next to him, Damian slowly move his hand till it rest near Grayson’s- not touching but absorbing the warmth and comfort from his brother.

Damian always knew wherever Grayson was, he had a safe place. Away from prying eyes. Away from extreme expectations. Away from the harmful things of the world. Grayson was Damian’s place of comfort. A place where he was free to feel, even if it was childish. A place where Damian could be Damian, not a Wayne or an Al-Ghul. Damian did not know how much he wanted (needed) that till he was resurrected and asked where Grayson was. Damian could not describe the feeling of being so overwhelmed that he shut down, did not sleep, eat, drink, anything for a week- just sat in his room with glassy eyes- till he walked into Grayson’s room and began to weep loudly, grasp the edges of Grayson’s blanket and tug and tug till the comforter was free, only for Damian to fall backwards onto the floor and wrap himself in the faint smell of Grayson and slept.

The doorbell interrupted Damian’s thoughts, prompting Grayson to get up, answer the door, and return to Damian’s side. “Okay, Little D, what happened?” Grayson prompted him.

Damian took in a deep calming breath, twirled his fork in his rice, and began slowly let the breath go. He went on to explain how Father had reacted to Damian ignoring his order to save a child from the Joker, “I saw things that Father did not. Father was dealing with Joker’s men, and I had a clear path to save him. So I did what I thought was right,” only for Bruce to rant when they got home, sparking a fight, eventually telling Damian that he has not changed since he arrived to Gotham, “I have proved over and over that I am different. I died for this—I died for him and his crusade for that city, yet it is clear that no matter how much I adapt my teaching and curb my upbringing, it is not enough—I am not enough…” Damian patters off, anger giving way for the hurt to set in, overwhelming the small boy for a couple of silent minutes and Grayson brought Damian into his arms, “Father made it clear that I am not welcome in Gotham for the foreseeable future. So, I came to the safest place I could think of… here.” Finishing his tale of woe, Damian felt his eyes burn again, but felt powerless to stop them, “Grayson, why am I not enough? Why am I never enough?” Finally, Damian’s tears spilt from his eyes, and Damian lost himself in his anguish, letting out sobs against the man’s chest.

“Oh, Dami, you are enough, you always have been enough. You deserve the world, and I am sorry that I can’t give it to you. You are alright…” Dick consoled the shaking teen, setting Damian on his lap, rubbing his hands in soothing motions on the teen’s back. After Damian’s tears slow and pulls back slowly, head bowed, Dick begins his plan, “You can stay here, okay? I keep Bruce from the apartment, away from this city if I have to. Damian held on to Dick the entire night, feeling peace for the first time he could remember.

Damian was shaken from his thoughts as Dick throws his arm around his shoulders, “Come on Little D, there is cake! Your favorite!”

“Red velvet and cream cheese frosting?”

“Exactly, Jason baked the cake and Alfred made the frosting, says his own secret recipe.”

After everyone said their hello and congratulations, Alfred sliced the cake, and began to pass them around- Damian getting the first slice. “Thank you, Pennyworth. I am appreciative of your presence tonight,” Damian spoke.

“Of course, Master Damian. I would not miss this for the world,” Alfred acknowledged, bringing his tea cup to his lips taking a small sip.

Damian took in all the guests that had shown. Wilkes, Kent, Darga, and Ducard were debating various team names that they thought could work. Todd, Drake, Brown, and Gordon were discussing a situation brewing from the docks of Gotham. Pennyworth and Grayson were sitting next to Damian in simple silence, soaking in the warmth of the small apartment, the peaceful atmosphere. Damian once again lost in his mind.

Two years ago in Grayson’s living room, sitting on the couch was both males, pouring over Damian’s sketch book, “Flamebird? A goddess?” Grayson asked.

Damian nods his head, “Based off the Kryptonian myths I have heard from Kent, yes. But this mantle does not depend on a person being male or female, like Superman or Wonder Woman. Also, the myths describe the entity as a destructive force, but for the betterment of life, such as farmers burning an old field before planting again the next year.”

“Okay, but what’s with the color scheme and no hood? It’s cool and all I’m just wondering, you loved the hood of your previous uniform.”

“The name is Flamebird, so black does not match with the name I am presenting, the color, wine, is dark enough to be concealed if need be. I have decided against black and a hood because I feel, perhaps… tired of being swallowed by shadows and darkness. Is that acceptable, Grayson?”

“Of course, it is, Dami. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s not,” Grayson spoke softly, slowly wrapping his arms around the teen. Damian leaning slightly into the older man’s chest, nods his head, then slips out of the hold, and Grayson lets go. “We need to get these to Barbra, and you need to tell your friends about your name change, so they aren’t surprised next time you see them in uniform,” Grayson gently instructs, gathering the papers in his hand and phone up to his ear, “Hey Babs, I have a thing…”

Damian is suddenly jerking from his thoughts again as Grayson stands and announces, “Attention, attention, everyone near and far, I propose a toast! To Flamebird!”

“To Flamebird!” responds the small gathering, lifting their various beverages, smiles on their faces.

Then Grayson loudly says, “Speech! Speech!” thus sparks everyone as well, “Speech! Speech!” Damian looks at Alfred for help, but he just smiles and raises his cup.

Damian then rises from his seat, causing people to cheer, “I do not have anything planned, so this is the best I can do,” he begins turning to Alfred, “Pennyworth, you have taught me the value of tact and how manners are just as, if not more effective, than threats, but also the value of being a supporting person in someone’s life”, Alfred gave a quiet chuckle and grasps his hand in a quiet thanks, then Damian was twirling to his friends, “Wilkes and Kent, both of you have instilled in me the sense of friendship and how I can be even more effective and how I can rely on people if need be. Ducard showed me forgiveness, when no one else would look at me, you showed me how to be merciful in a world that is so cruel. Darga, you have been my example of perseverance, you and I have similar backgrounds with our families, but we have work on the same side of good.” After Damian’s speech Wilkes, Kent, and Ducard wraps him in a group hug, and Darga looks a little off put till Ducard grabs his arm and shoves him underneath her head, trapping him in the hug.

Damian’s cheeks turns red as he takes in a breath and walks towards his family, Gordon raising her eyebrow, “Gordon, you have given me many lessons, but the best one is you should never let others define your worth, so thank you. Todd, you have given me the best piece of advice from my time with my mother,” after Todd’s confused look Damian explained, “if you cannot beat them, give them hell,” at Damian’s words, Todd’s jaw drops.

“That was you! What the f—”

“Jason, shut up, it’s my turn!” Brown shouts and bounces on her feet.

Damian’s face began to turn even more red, “Brown, I have one lesson that you taught me that I treasure more than most, and that is your past does not define you, that you have a choice in how you act or react to a situation, that I always have a choice,” Brown wraps him in her arms and Damian feels a tear against his shirt, then she let him go, this gives Damian time to collect his thoughts. “Drake, I cannot explain how I feel when I think of our first year together, the things racing through my mind at the time we met, but I think you taught me something that will stick with me forever,” Drake looks uncomfortable, and Damian would agree, but this needed to be said, “I believe you taught me that it is acceptable to leave when someone is hurting you- that you should not have to accept someone’s behavior because they are ‘family’. And—” Damian sucks in another breath, “And I am sorry for the pain I caused and hope one day we can heal from the past, and slowly build a relationship- perhaps not brothers but—”

Drake grabs his arm, prompting Damian to look him in the eyes, seeing the tears swimming in his eyes, “I accept your apology, Damian, and I think—I think I would like to start over too,” the smaller man agrees quietly, looking down.

“Just hug each other already!” Brown shouts still wiping at her eyes, causing Damian and Drake to spring apart, both flushed out of embarrassment. The two looks at each other, reading the body language and eyes of the other, and slowly Damian reaches his hand out and letting a small grin on his face. Drake smiles and grasps the younger’s hand, giving it a small shake, and Damian feels a heavy weight drop off his shoulders. “You two are ridiculous…” Brown mumbles, and shoves Drake into Damian forcing Damian to catch the smaller man, “There, you are welcome.” Both males roll their eyes at Brown’s actions and Damian helps Drake up.

Finally, turning to face Grayson, Damian felt his face heat up to his ears as Grayson let a gigantic, dazzling smile. Damian takes a final fortifying breath and his voice was slightly rough with emotion, “Richard, you have let me have a childhood, when I had none to begin with. When I did not know how be a child, you taught me how, provided opportunities, and encouraged me to do so. You showed me care and affection from the start- even when I did not want it, but when I unknowingly needed it, and you took an interest for my wants and needs when no one else would or could. You provided for me when I could not for myself. You treated me with respect, but also did not let me hurt myself or others. You taught me I am enough just by being myself, that I did not need to adapt, but let myself grow up of that I am still doing. You gave me a safe place, a peaceful place, that I can express myself with no fear of pain, harshness, or disappointment. There are no words to describe how that kindness—no that love means to someone like me, someone that felt beyond repair, holding on to anger and pain, because that was all I knew, that was all I was taught. Until you, Richard John Grayson, gave me a chance to become something beyond myself, beyond my pain, hurt, and anger. So, thank you for being my Batman, my mentor, and my partner. Most of all, thank you for opening your arms and welcoming me as part of your family. I can honestly say, I would not be here today if not for you.” Grayson started crying somewhere early in the speech and has not stopped.

Damian looks at everyone in the room, “I appreciate and care for all of you and I only pray that all of you can continue let me be by your sides for as long as I can.” Most eyes were wet, causing Damian to feel uncomfortable and wanting to fidget, but his hands were still till Brown and Ducard pulls him into another hug, then Kent, Pennyworth, and Gordon.

Lastly Grayson pulls Damian into a hug so hard the younger falls and his partner shove his head into the Damian’s neck and Damian feels tears against his neck, “That was so beautiful, Dami, you always make me happy. You are the best, Dami.”

Damian wraps his arms around Grayson tightly, slightly burying his face, “We are the best, Richard.”

“Hey, we can’t help being great.”

#DickandDamiweek2019 #Damian Wayne #Dick Grayson #Batman Fanfiction #tw: abandonment #Dick is Damian's dad #why is Bruce like this #Damian just wants to be loved #Why can't people see that #I broke my own heart #but then mended it again #RayeWriting

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katherine-rambles · 6 years ago

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i’ve had the weirdest month and IN PARTICULAR a giant weird last two days.... with both very good and very bad. so!

i’m tired out in like a. wow all that happened?? in only 72 hours???? sort of way

i’m not even sure i can list it all again but. just to go over the last month or so, briefly:

got out of depression and every normal day feels like 3 days, so i have no idea what time/date it is ever.

new meds

I AM SLEEPING LIKE A NORMAL PERSON thanks to new meds and???? it’s weird but great?????

coded for the first time in five years and made a full medical history for myself and my own records, visually (to be transcribed later)

spending money on household items just to Refresh things that needed refreshing and whatnot. A Lot of money b/c it’s hard to only let myself buy some things, and opening the floodgates makes it hard to close them, so also many impulse purchases. shoes, undershirts, household things that just make life easier, etc

my boss is letting me dress fancifully at work

i bought my first chewie pendant and also a magic wand which i love

got sick

my bird died (;n;) and i stayed up all weekend long with friends

my grandma finally sold her house and is moving up, so my dad is gone to help her with that

got my first official corset!

i had one of the BEST SHOPPING TRIPS OF MY LIFE (literally, top 2!)

i learned that a pair of friends that hadn’t talked in 3 years were Actively Sabotaged by a shitty third party who was jealous??? and we are all like.... what the fuck???? about it??????

i’ve been hanging out with friends a lot more

i got to go to a cellphone repair training at work

i bought a furby to deal with the pet feels

i bought a ton of shit for my furby

my furby starts malfunctioning

new meds.... again

i have the worst day at work in a year (to the day, actually; b/c fb showed me a pic from a day ago that was a similarly terrible situation!)

i’m so keyed up from that bad day at work i end up not going to sleep

the next day i hang out at the mall anD GET A STALKER.... i go home safe and hang out with friends afterwards but OMG scary shit

then i go home and oversleep and almost am late to my Hair Appointment to Dye My Hair -- and THAT runs two hours longer than expected

THEN i go w/ my friend to get my TATTOO that i LOVE

and now it’s now..... and i’m exhausted from everything, but coming up in the next few weeks:

my grandma’s moving up, so i’ll probably be helping out with that

i have to finish a few projects on deadlines and WANT to work on a billion more

my birthday is happening (quarter century, yo!) around which i’ve scheduled a smorgasborg of seeing friends and visiting people

international tabletop game day

going on a three day camping trip w my friends

plus months-ahead plans to go to cons w/ people and shit and like.... i’m SO BUSY in a Good way but also recently in a WEIRD way!!! aaahh!!!

and like. i’m excited for it all, it’s just.... so much..... and i’m gonna be so tired when the summer’s out....... orz

#text #present #curiosity #happy #gentle mental

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thesimparrot · 6 years ago

Photo

Get to know me tag

I was tagged by the amazings @racingllama @sixamart and @notdaniella! 💕 thank you so much guys for thinking about me, you always make my day better :’) besides I’ve been trying to find a way back to this blog, it annoys me not to post anything... so here it is! and it also was a good excuse to show my new haircut huhu

RULES: Post a pic of your simself with your traits and answer the questions!

I’d now like to tag @intricately-silly @purplebex @pollinationqueen @omiscanking @bleumimosa @mellowsimss @cakeiko @weirdsimfreak @pixel-whimsy @adrianaplays @lilacsimblr @amykii @xastraea @blurri-sim-kid @stephanine-sims @amessofsims @johnnyzest @gloomyplumbob @puddingplace and as always whoever wants to do it!

1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? Zoé

2. WHAT IS YOUR NICKNAME? Zo’

3. BIRTHDAY? July 28th

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK SERIES? Harry Potter

5. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS OR GHOSTS? I don’t think so, but in the dark I’ll believe in anything

6. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR? Katherine Rundell atm

7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE RADIO STATION? a french one called Rire & Chansons (literally Laugh and Songs)

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF ANYTHING? mmmmm bergamot?

9. WHAT WORD WOULD YOU USE OFTEN TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING GREAT OR WONDERFUL? AMAZING

10. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE SONG? Move Along by The All-American Rejects

11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD? I’ve noticed I say “cool” a lot

12. WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO? No Light, No Light by Florence + The Machine

13. WHAT TV SHOW WOULD YOU RECOMMEND FOR EVERYBODY TO WATCH? F.R.I.E.N.D.S.!!!!!

14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE TO WATCH WHEN YOU’RE FEELING DOWN? Ocean’s Eleven

15. DO YOU PLAY VIDEO GAMES? hell yeah

16. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? people I love leaving me

17. WHAT IS YOUR BEST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? loyalty, I think

18. WHAT IS YOUR WORST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? ooof, too many of them

19. DO YOU LIKE CATS OR DOGS BETTER? DOGS (i'm afraid of cats so….)

20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? summer I think

21. ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP? nope

22. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU MISS FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD? insouciance

23. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? childhood ones

24. WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR? dark brown

25. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? dark brown

26. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE? family and friends

27. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU TRUST? family and friends

28. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? my older sister

29. ARE YOU CURRENTLY EXCITED ABOUT/FOR SOMETHING? I went to a book fair this afternoon!

30. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST OBSESSION? right now, going back playing the sims huhu

31. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD? The Totally Spies

32. WHO OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER CAN YOU TELL ANYTHING TO, IF ANYONE?

33. ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS? I don’t think so?

34. DO YOU HAVE ANY UNUSUAL PHOBIAS? I’m afraid of cats but try to learn not to be anymore

35. DO YOU PREFER TO BE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA OR BEHIND IT? behind

36. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOBBY? reading and playing

37. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? Raymie Nightingale by Kate DiCamillo

38. WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? The Princess Diaries

39. WHAT MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? clarinet

40. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL? 🐸

41. WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5 FAVORITE TUMBLR BLOGS THAT YOU FOLLOW? 5 spots are not enough!!

42. WHAT SUPERPOWER DO YOU WISH YOU HAD? becoming a human torch

43. WHEN AND WHERE DO YOU FEEL MOST AT PEACE? when I take my shower

44. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE? puppies

45. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? I recently started rock climbing

46. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? tea

47. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A HAND-WRITTEN LETTER OR NOTE TO SOMEBODY? a looooong time ago

48. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? yes I think?

49. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? people who breathe loudly (but like, very loudly)

50. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A CONCERT? a few in fact, I think the last one was Queen of the Stone Age

51. ARE YOU VEGAN/VEGETARIAN? nope

52. WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP? when I was 6 I wanted to be a taekwondo teacher (for like a week)

53. WHAT FICTIONAL WORLD WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE IN?

54. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WORRY ABOUT? everything

55. ARE YOU SCARED OF THE DARK? yes

56. DO YOU LIKE TO SING? yeup but sadly I don’t sing very well

57. HAVE YOU EVER SKIPPED SCHOOL? if pretending to be sick count then yes

58. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE ON THE PLANET? my bed

59. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE? not near Paris anymore

60. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? sadly no but I have a panda bear called Casey

61. ARE YOU MORE OF AN EARLY BIRD OR A NIGHT OWL? definitely an early bird. If I woke up after 9 am on a day off I feel like my day has already been wasted

62. DO YOU LIKE SUNRISES OR SUNSETS BETTER? sunrise

63. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE? I do have my licence but if I can avoid using it….

64. DO YOU PREFER EARBUDS OR HEADPHONES? earbuds

65. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? nope

66. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC? pop-rock

67. WHO IS YOUR HERO? Shadowcat

68. DO YOU READ COMIC BOOKS? YEEEEES

69. WHAT MAKES YOU THE MOST ANGRY? a lot of things, in top of the list right now are impolite people

70. DO YOU PREFER TO READ ON AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE OR WITH A REAL BOOK? real books!

71. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? my cinema class in high school

72. DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? one sister, 10 years older than me

73. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? a book (well, two actually)

74. HOW TALL ARE YOU? 154cm (I’m smoll)

75. CAN YOU COOK? still debating

76. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU LOVE? playing, going to the movie, eating chocolate

77. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU HATE? not knowing what comes next, being sick, being upset over dumb things

78. DO YOU HAVE MORE FEMALE FRIENDS OR MORE MALE FRIENDS? female

79. WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION? straight

80. WHERE DO YOU CURRENTLY LIVE? near Paris, France

81. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TEXTED? if tumblr i.m. count as texted then it’s Ale from @sixamart

82. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? this morning

83. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE YOUTUBER? he’s not really a youtuber but I thought immediately about a french streamer called Mister MV

84. DO YOU LIKE TO TAKE SELFIES? nope

85. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE APP? pinterest

86. WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENT(S) LIKE? I’m really close to my mum she’s one of my best friend, my dad is a more reserved person but we got along pretty well too

87. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOREIGN ACCENT? british

88. WHAT IS A PLACE THAT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO, BUT YOU WANT TO VISIT? Sweden

89. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? don’t have one

90. CAN YOU JUGGLE? nope

91. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS? nope

92. DO YOU FIND OUTER SPACE OF THE DEEP OCEAN TO BE MORE INTERESTING? outer space

93. DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE A DAREDEVIL? hell no, I’m a big coward

94. ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING? some kind of makeup (or my face will turn into a moon fish)

95. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? yes

96. CAN YOU WIGGLE YOUR EARS? nope

97. HOW OFTEN DO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT SOMETHING? when I will be, I’ll let you know (I’m a very funny person)

98. DO YOU PREFER THE FOREST OR THE BEACH? forest

99. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIECE OF ADVICE THAT ANYONE HAS EVER GIVEN YOU? “when I’m upset about something, I pause for a minute and take the time to ask myself if it’s worse the trouble. Most of the time it’s not, so I move on.”

100. ARE YOU A GOOD LIAR? nope

101. WHAT IS YOUR HOGWARTS HOUSE? Hufflepuff and proud

102. DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF? waaay too much

103. ARE YOU AN INTROVERT OR AN EXTROVERT? it really depends on the situation

104. DO YOU KEEP A JOURNAL/DIARY? I used to but it was too depressive so I stopped

105. DO YOU BELIEVE IN SECOND CHANCES? yes

106. IF YOU FOUND A WALLET FULL OF MONEY ON THE GROUND, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? leave it where it is probably (I’m a coward, remember?)

107. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF CHANGE? kind of

108. ARE YOU TICKLISH? ooooh yes

109. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A PLANE? yes

110. DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS? nope

111. WHAT FICTIONAL CHARACTER DO YOU WISH WAS REAL? I really don’t know

112. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS? nope

113. WHAT IS THE BEST DECISION THAT YOU’VE MADE IN YOUR LIFE SO FAR? searching for work right after my three years of “university” (despite my mom’s wish to go on on the studies)

114. DO YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA? hell yeah but I doubt karma believe in me

115. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES OR CONTACTS? glasses

116. DO YOU WANT CHILDREN? don’t know yet

117. WHO IS THE SMARTEST PERSON YOU KNOW? a childhood friend

118. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MEMORY? oh yeah I remember

119. HAVE YOU EVER PULLED AN ALL-NIGHTER? I’ve tried but never succeed

120. WHAT COLOR ARE MOST OF YOU CLOTHES? blue or yellow

121. DO YOU LIKE ADVENTURES? not really

122. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON TV? nope

123. HOW OLD ARE YOU? 23

124. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE? “I'm not great at the advice... Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” (Chandler Bing, F.R.I.E.N.D.S.)

125. DO YOU PREFER SWEET OR SAVORY FOODS? sweeeeeeeet

#tag stuff #personal stuff #this was fun!#simself

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shyysims · 6 years ago

Photo

Oh dear God

SO I WAS TAGGED BY @enismald THAAANKS I’m tagging these kids (idk who’s done this already but pfft take it) @sourpeachess @priismik @omg-puddingpie @sim-borg @humanitys-shortest

Rules: You have to make a simself and put whatever you wish like traits or anything about you. Then answer +100 freaking questions I feel like a star why are you interviewing me

So uhh yeah here

Traits: shy, gamr gril, book reader, loner, trash panda, horror lover(:

What is your full name? Maryssa

What is your nickname? Shyy

Birthday? May 27

What is your favorite book series? Goosebumps bitches

Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? I REALLY want to

Who is your favorite author? R.L. Stine or Stephen King

What is your favorite radio station? What is a radio

What is your favorite flavor of anything? Vanilla or green apple

What word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? cool beans, lit (im sorry)

What is your current favorite song? UHHHHHHHHHHHH THIS ONE

What is your favorite word? Cunt (im not sorry)

What was the last song you listened to? That one up there

What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? Castle Rock BABY

What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? Sweeney Todd or Rocky Horror Picture Show

Do you play video games? Yiss

What is your biggest fear? HEIGHTS (i.e falling from said heights)

What is your best quality, in your opinion? ....PFFFTTT

What is your worst quality, in your opinion? Insecure af

Do you like cats or dogs better? .......CATS

What is your favorite season? Fall/Autumn

Are you in a relationship? What’s a relationship

What is something you miss from your childhood? Having friends lol

Who is your best friend? Uhhhno

What is your eye color? Dark brown

What is your hair color? A mess of dark brown and auburn

Who is someone you love? MY MOTHER

Who is someone you trust? MY MOTHER

Who is someone you think about often? A stupid boy(:

Are you currently excited about/for something? Probs GF tbhhh I want it

What is your biggest obsession? Owuwatch

What was your favorite TV show as a child? COURAGE THE COWARDLY DOG

Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? Like three of my online friends(’:

Are you superstitious? Nahh fam

Do you have any unusual phobias? A massive amount of ants (it’s gross)

Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? Behind

What is your favorite hobby? Used to be writing...now it’s vidya games(:

What was the last book you read? A Sherlock Holmes book

What was the last movie you watched? Hills Have Eyes 2 (don’t judge me ok)

What musical instruments do you play, if any? I tried to teach myself the piano...didn’t turn out too great

What is your favorite animal? BEARS they attac but they so cuddly lookin’

What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow? UHHHHH theones I tagged hue

What superpower do you wish you had? The power of self confidence (ooh edgy)

When and where do you feel most at peace? My room(:

What makes you smile? Sombra POTGs((:

What sports do you play, if any? What is a sport

What is your favorite drink? Coffeeeee

When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? What is this sorcery you speak of

Are you afraid of heights? Uh heckin’ yes

What is your biggest pet peeve? Hypocrites(: (spoilers: I am one)

Have you ever been to a concert? Nahh

Are you vegan/vegetarian? Nahh

When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? An author

What fictional world would you like to live in? Tbh? A dystopian future. Preferably with death and destruction everywhere

What is something you worry about? Life

Are you scared of the dark? Not really

Do you like to sing? YES but the real question is CAN I sing? ‘Cause that’s a big FAT no

Have you ever skipped school? Uhh yes

What is your favorite place on the planet? MY BED

Where would you like to live? Forests. Trees. 0 population.

Do you have any pets? Yes! A doggo and a spawn of satan

Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? Night owl fo sho (its currently 4:22 am what is sleep)

Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? Sunsets

Do you know how to drive? No :c

Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? Earbuds

Have you ever had braces? Nahh

What is your favorite genre of music? Uhh music

Who is your hero? My MoThEr

Do you read comic books? I’ve read a few..but I really want more

What makes you the most angry? Superficial cunts

Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? Real shit all day err day

What is your favorite subject in school? English!

Do you have any siblings? Four, three bros and a sis

What was the last thing you bought? Fekkin’ Cheetos Puffs

How tall are you? 5′8

Can you cook? I don’t wanna brag but I make a mean ass mac n cheese and I burn popcorn

What are three things that you love? Stories, my parents, FOOD

What are three things that you hate? Cunts, my lack of motivation, the color pink

Do you have more female friends or more male friends? Dudes (girls hate me and idk why)

What is your sexual orientation? I like dick

Where do you currently live? 'Tucky

Who was the last person you texted? A stupid boy(:

When was the last time you cried? A few weeks ago

Who is your favorite YouTuber? CallMeKevin

Do you like to take selfies? Only when I make really stupid faces

What is your favorite app? ......Youtube?

What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? They’re cool beans, I love them, but sometimes I really wanna punch them in their throats

What is your favorite foreign accent? Aussie baby

What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? Literally anywhere but ‘Tucky (Besides Ohio, Indiana, Tennessee, and Texas)

What is your favorite number? Anything even

Can you juggle? UHHH I can juggle with two but not three

Are you religious? Lolno not really

Do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting? Outer space BOI

Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? Absolutely not

Are you allergic to anything? Nahh

Can you curl your tongue? Heckin’ yes

Can you wiggle your ears? Wtf no

How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? As soon as I realize I am (unless I’m arguing with my brother, fuck him)

Do you prefer the forest or the beach? FOREST

What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? Advice pfft what

Are you a good liar? Mehhhh

What is your Hogwarts House? You really gonna make me take a test and find out (I got Ravenclaw)

Do you talk to yourself? Lol you don’t?

Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Introvert def (though I’m trying to change)

Do you keep a journal/diary? Kinda, sorta (I only write bad things in it((: )

Do you believe in second chances? Yeah, sure

If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? Turn it in? Idk

Do you believe that people are capable of change? Yes and no

Are you ticklish? Fuck you

Have you ever been on a plane? Hell no

Do you have any piercings? Double ear piercings(:

What fictional character do you wish was real? Oh a lot

Do you have any tattoos? Not yet

What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? Quitting my retail job((:

Do you believe in karma? Heckin’ yes

Do you wear glasses or contacts? Glasses ‘cause I can’t see shit(: Contacts are weird don’t touch my eyeball

Do you want children? Some day maybe

Who is the smartest person you know? ME DUH (lol no im a fuckin’ idiot) MY MOTHER

What is your most embarrassing memory? Thinking the toaster ran on batteries because I was unaware of the crumb tray (My family brings it up every time we get together, fyi)

Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? All the TIME

What color are most of you clothes? Black (like my soul) ((im sorry))

Do you like adventures? Yess

Have you ever been on TV? Once

How old are you? 22 (i totally forgot lol)

What is your favorite quote? “Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?”

Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? Food

if you read all of this you’re a real trooper and i love you <3

#nonsims #dear god that took TOO LONG #ive never been asked so many things in my life #why #ty but why #simself tag #also pic is shitty because seasons decided to be cloudy THANKs

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himbosims · 6 years ago

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The Simself Challenge? Is that what this is called? I have no idea. . .

The challenge is basically to make a simself then answer a fuck ton of question so here we are. Thanks @willowbomb and @sim-borg for tagging me. I’ll tag: whoever wants to do this because idk who hasn't done this yet

1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? Taylor

2. WHAT IS YOUR NICKNAME? My childhood nickname was Tot. My friends call me d*ke and slut though so hey

3. BIRTHDAY? July 23, 2001

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK SERIES? Series definitely The Mortal Instruments or the Infernal Artifacts by Cassandra Clare

5. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS OR GHOSTS? Both i think, definitely aliens. I don't fuck with ghosts and all that because I don't want to die

6. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR? Right now my favs are Adam Silvera and Becky Albertalli

7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE RADIO STATION? Where I live we have five stations, one that plays music from the 30’s all the time, three country, and one that says it plays pop but ends up playing country anyways. So, none.

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF ANYTHING? Idk man, thats a loaded question. Probably vanilla

9. WHAT WORD WOULD YOU USE OFTEN TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING GREAT OR WONDERFUL? ??? lit… idk dude I was trying to think of something that's weird but I can't think of anything

10. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE SONG? Be My Mistake by The 1975 or Not Warriors by Waterparks

11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD? Serious answer, lunacy (there's a reason its my username) not as serious, I just heard someone outside yell for the chillin’s and I started laughing because that word is great

12. WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO? I’m currently listening to From Eden by Hozier

13. WHAT TV SHOW WOULD YOU RECOMMEND FOR EVERYBODY TO WATCH? Shameless, Glee, Shadowhunters, Grey’s. I could go on.

14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE TO WATCH WHEN YOU’RE FEELING DOWN?Love, Simon, Call Me By Your Name, or The Perks of Being a Wallflower

15. DO YOU PLAY VIDEO GAMES? Obviously

16. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? Spiders and needles

17. WHAT IS YOUR BEST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? nothing

18. WHAT IS YOUR WORST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? Everything, in seriousness, my selfishness or narcissism,

19. DO YOU LIKE CATS OR DOGS BETTER? Cats are my favorites but dogs are cool

20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? fall

21. ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP? Never have been

22. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU MISS FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD? NOT AS MUCH STRESS

23. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? Irl- my friend EJ. Online- @hallowiamshebsims

24. WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR? Green

25. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? brown

26. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE? Read 23

27. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU TRUST? Read 23

28. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? Read 23

29. ARE YOU CURRENTLY EXCITED ABOUT/FOR SOMETHING? I don't remember the last time I was excited for something

30. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST OBSESSION? Writing I think

31. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD? Hannah Montana, Ned Declassified, Drake and Josh, Flapjack, Courage the Cowardly Dog, Chowder, Rugrats. I'm a true early Gen Z kid

32. WHO OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER CAN YOU TELL ANYTHING TO, IF ANYONE? My girl best friend, I dont tell him everything because i'm a secretive bitch

33. ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS? Nah

34. DO YOU HAVE ANY UNUSUAL PHOBIAS? Read 16

35. DO YOU PREFER TO BE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA OR BEHIND IT? Both

36. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOBBY? Writing, reading, creating imaginary worlds to live in

37. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? I am almost done with History Is All You Left me by Adam Silvera and oh boy that book

38. WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Paranorman: “You’re gonna love my boyfriend, he’s like a total chick flick nut.”

39. WHAT MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? N/A

40. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL? Cats

41. WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5 FAVORITE TUMBLR BLOGS THAT YOU FOLLOW? @hallowiamshebsims @simmerberlin @willowbomb @pollinationqueen @gunthermnch

42. WHAT SUPERPOWER DO YOU WISH YOU HAD? The ability to always have the money to pay for things

43. WHEN AND WHERE DO YOU FEEL MOST AT PEACE? My room probably

44. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE? People falling down, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJq4jWSQNd

45. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? That’s cute

46. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? Coffee

47. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A HAND-WRITTEN LETTER OR NOTE TO SOMEBODY? I have two teachers that are really weird about phones and talking in class so we pass notes instead

48. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? Nah

49. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? LOUD EATERS

50. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A CONCERT? I went to a christian concert when I was like 5 so there's that

51. ARE YOU VEGAN/VEGETARIAN? Nope, I live in the south how do you expect me to not eat meat

52. WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP? Teacher since I live in the south and that's the only jobs beside retail or waitress in my town

53. WHAT FICTIONAL WORLD WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE IN? The Shadow World, but I wanna be a warlock, not a dumb shadowhunter lol

54. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WORRY ABOUT? Everything

55. ARE YOU SCARED OF THE DARK? I’m afraid of what's in the dark, which is a hard ass way to say yes

56. DO YOU LIKE TO SING? All the time but im tone deaf so its bad

57. HAVE YOU EVER SKIPPED SCHOOL? If I was sick, yeah. Other than that, I did twice. Once because I had a really bad panic attack right before the bus got to my house and I called my mom claiming I was really sick, and once a few weeks ago because my dog got sprayed by a skunk therefore making me smell like a skunk

58. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE ON THE PLANET? uhhhhhhh

59. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE? New York City, LA, San Francisco, Toronto, Portland, London. Any big city to be honest

60. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? A dog and three cats

61. ARE YOU MORE OF AN EARLY BIRD OR A NIGHT OWL? Both. I sometimes stay up super late and sometimes i'm up really early. And if I can actually force myself out of bed I can get a lot done in either of those times

62. DO YOU LIKE SUNRISES OR SUNSETS BETTER? Sunrises

63. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE? Yeah but im gay so its not good driving l

64. DO YOU PREFER EARBUDS OR HEADPHONES? Everything that wont break in a week

65. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? Nah

66. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC? I don't really have a favorite, I listen to all kinds of stuff

67. WHO IS YOUR HERO? Uhhhhh, Deadpool, or Spiderman

68. DO YOU READ COMIC BOOKS? Nope

69. WHAT MAKES YOU THE MOST ANGRY? It takes a lot to make me angry but when im angry it's bad and I forget what i do when i was angry so i don't really know

70. DO YOU PREFER TO READ ON AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE OR WITH A REAL BOOK? Real

71. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? English and Creative Writing

72. DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? Younger sister, younger step brother

73. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? A starbucks coffee last night

74. HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5’7 or something

75. CAN YOU COOK? Depends on what i'm cooking

76. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU LOVE? Books, music, friends

77. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU HATE? Racists, homophobes, sexists- so basically most the people in my town (hell what am i kidding, this side of the Mason-Dixon line)

78. DO YOU HAVE MORE FEMALE FRIENDS OR MORE MALE FRIENDS? One of each

79. WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION? I am on the ace spectrum and I am panromantic

80. WHERE DO YOU CURRENTLY LIVE? ‘Merica the brave

81. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TEXTED? Sheb

82. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Like, yesterday

83. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE YOUTUBER? CallMeKevin RTGame The Shane Dawson squad

84. DO YOU LIKE TO TAKE SELFIES? sometimes

85. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE APP?I guess this hell site

86. WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENT(S) LIKE?My mom and I are kinda close, i don't really talk to my dad much (even though I live with him half the week)

87. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOREIGN ACCENT? Aussie, British, Scottish, Irish… all of them

88. WHAT IS A PLACE THAT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO, BUT YOU WANT TO VISIT? Everywhere that’s not my state and the ones touching it

89. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 23

90. CAN YOU JUGGLE? notta

91. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS? Yes, but not crazy religious. I just believe in fate and that there is some type of higher power

92. DO YOU FIND OUTER SPACE OF THE DEEP OCEAN TO BE MORE INTERESTING? Nasa bitch

93. DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE A DAREDEVIL? I have an issue with adrenaline. As in, although i am an anxious person with too much adrenaline anyways I like to do things that give me a rush of adrenaline

94. ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING? I can't have my eyes pierced because I'm allergic to metal in the sense of having it in my body

95. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? Yep

96. CAN YOU WIGGLE YOUR EARS? Nope

97. HOW OFTEN DO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT SOMETHING? Next question

98. DO YOU PREFER THE FOREST OR THE BEACH? I mean netiehr, but i'm not a huge fan of sand

99. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIECE OF ADVICE THAT ANYONE HAS EVER GIVEN YOU? You’ve made it through your worst day before, you can do it again

100. ARE YOU A GOOD LIAR? I think so

101. WHAT IS YOUR HOGWARTS HOUSE? Sytherlin, not surprise

102. DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF? I’m talking to myself right now

103. ARE YOU AN INTROVERT OR AN EXTROVERT? Introvert

104. DO YOU KEEP A JOURNAL/DIARY? Nah, my writing is kind alike my diary

105. DO YOU BELIEVE IN SECOND CHANCES? I give people too many chances

106. IF YOU FOUND A WALLET FULL OF MONEY ON THE GROUND, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? Check the ID, maybe take the money and leave it in a bush or something. I don’t know

107. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF CHANGE? For sure

108. ARE YOU TICKLISH? Please don’t tickle me

109. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A PLANE? Nope

110. DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS? Read question 94

111. WHAT FICTIONAL CHARACTER DO YOU WISH WAS REAL? Alec Lightwood or Magnus Bane, but young Alec because I can't be friends with 27 year old Alec

112. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS? Scared of needles, remember?

113. WHAT IS THE BEST DECISION THAT YOU’VE MADE IN YOUR LIFE SO FAR? Doing things for me

114. DO YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA? YES

115. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES OR CONTACTS? Both

116. DO YOU WANT CHILDREN? Not really but if my future partner wants some i’d be open to talk about it

117. WHO IS THE SMARTEST PERSON YOU KNOW? My ex-best friend. I used to hate how she never had to try to get good grades or be good at things, she just was

118. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MEMORY? All my memories are embarrassing if you look close enough

119. HAVE YOU EVER PULLED AN ALL-NIGHTER? At least twice a month

120. WHAT COLOR ARE MOST OF YOU CLOTHES? Nutruels and black

121. DO YOU LIKE ADVENTURES? Sure

122. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON TV? I think I wa son the news once

123. HOW OLD ARE YOU? 17

124. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE? I have a lot, “Words have the power to change us.” “perhaps it is because of time that we suffer.” “I remain a work in progress until I die.” “The thing you are most afraid to write, write that.” I could go on

125. DO YOU PREFER SWEET OR SAVORY FOODS? Sweet

#long post #simself #ts4 edit #sims 4 edit #ls:edit #tagged

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starfish-sims · 6 years ago

Photo

GET TO KNOW ME TAG

Rules: Post a picture of your simself with your traits and answer the questions!

I saw others do this and thought it was a cool idea! Granted, my husband said that something about my Sim Self’s face wasn’t quite right, but he couldn’t tell me what, so for now, she’ll have to do!

I tag anyone who wants to try this! :-D

1. What is your full name: Michelle P.D.

2. What’s your nickname: Michi (my chosen name in Japanese) or Seb (my former gamertag)

3. Birthday: 22nd of July, 1993.

4. What is your favorite book series? The Ranger’s Apprentice!! It is my comfort food book series.

5. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? I definitely believe in aliens. I believe it conceited to think that we’re the only intelligent life the universe could come up with. Ghosts, I’m not so sure...

6. Who is your favorite author? John Flanagan (writer of the Ranger’s Apprentice-series.)

7. What is your favorite radio station? I don’t listen to radio, but I am a radio host at my grandmother’s radio station, so I’ll pick that one, lol.

8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? Coconut – I have a coconut moisturizing cream. It’s delish.

9. What word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? Awesome or Great? I’m boring like that, lol. In Japanese, I really like using 最高 (saikou).

10. What is your current favorite song? Power of Dream by LOL (the newest opening of Fairy Tail).

11. What is your favorite word? ‘Phantasmagoria’ for English’, ‘きっかけ’ for Japanese. (kikkakke)

12. What was the last song you listened to? Not sure... Definitely a K-pop song, but I was listening to the playlist while driving, so I stopped listening for the individual songs at some point, lol.

13. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? Doctor Who or Haikyuu!!

14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? I don’t watch movies... Except Marvel movies, in which case, I’d choose Doctor Strange, but that’s just because it’s my favourite.

15. Do you play video games? Yes!! SO MANY VIDEO GAMES!! My favorite genres are JRPGs, and my favorite video game series are Mass Effect and the Atelier-franchise.

16. What is your biggest fear? Living life without anyone thinking they’re happy I’m here.

17. What is your best quality, in your opinion? My honesty. I’m honest to a fault, something which my family often complains about, but I’d like to think it’s one of my better qualities. (Fun event; when my sister and I were little, we went to buy candy at the local mart. My sister put huge marshmallow dolphins into a bag. They’re about 30 cent a piece, but the shopkeep weighed them like normal candy, so she got all three of them for like 45 cent or something. I was livid, and kept bugging her to go back and pay full price, lol.)

18. What is your worst quality, in your opinion? My inability to cope with criticism. I don’t get particularly defensive, most of the time, because I know that criticism is someone’s way of telling me that something needs to be improved. What I do find difficult, however, is keeping in mind that the criticism isn’t directed at my person, but at the piece of work I am performing.

19. Do you like cats or dogs better? CATS. I AM SO SAD. MY HUSBAND IS ALLERGIC. THERE’S A VOID IN MY LIFE.

20. What is your favorite season? Early spring.

21. Are you in a relationship? Yes. (see question 19)

22. What is something you miss from your childhood? My cat, Kit. I found her as a kitten when I was 12 years old, and she died from cancer when I started University.

23. Who is your best friend? My childhood friend, Simone.

24. What is your eye color? Blue-ish Gray, I think.

25. What is your hair color? We call it liver paste in Denmark, lol. In Japan, it’s blonde.

26. Who is someone you love? My husband, my best friend and my biological younger siblings.

27. Who is someone you trust? (I read this as someone you can tell anything and everything) My husband and my best friend.

28. Who is someone you think about often? My mother and my grandmother. They don’t talk to each other, and I often worry about them, hoping they can patch it up before my grandparents are gone...

29. Are you currently excited about/for something? Oh yes! I am going on my second internship at the end of January! I can’t wait. (Also, the release of Nelke and the Legendary Alchemists in March <3 )

30. What is your biggest obsession? Writing stories. I am really bad at it, though. #Writer’sBlocks

31. What was your favorite TV show as a child? Winx Club, lol. I still like it a lot.

32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? My husband.

33. Are you superstitious? I don’t believe I am, no.

34. Do you have any unusual phobias? Cygnophobia, a fear of swans. When I was three years old, me, my grandmother and my baby sister (who was 1 at the time) were chased through the local park by a swan. It was nesting season. I don’t remember it, but I’ve always been terrified of the bird.

35. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? Behind it – I hate my smile/teeth.

36. What is your favorite hobby? Writing stories and playing video games.

37. What was the last book you read? School books – probably ‘The Bible, the Torah and the Quran’.

38. What was the last movie you watched? Fantastic Beasts – the Crimes of Grindelwald.

39. What musical instruments do you play, if any? None, but I used to play the Organ.

40. What is your favorite animal? Cats or Snakes.

41. What are your top 5 favorite tumblr blogs that you follow? @goneril-capp, @racingllama, @calisimgirl, @gerbits and @storylegacysims.

42. What superpower do you wish you had? Teleportation. As a commuter, travel times are killer.

43. When and where do you feel most at peace? When I’m alone at home.

44. What makes you smile? Working with children, and rewatching my favorite episodes of TV series.

45. What sports do you play, if any? None. I really like to swim though.

46. What is your favorite drink? Coconut Lemonade or Pinã Colada.

47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? Last week? I use pen and notebook in school, so I often write small notes to my classmates.

48. Are you afraid of heights? If I can look straight down, then yes. I don’t mind standing on a balcony and looking out over a city, but rides that throw you straight down, or looking down from a window terrifies me.

49. What is your biggest pet peeve? When someone leaves the TV on while doing something else -___- IT’S SO ANNOYING. If you watch TV, you watch TV, you don’t run around the house doing other stuff. Using the TV for music is fine, but leaving on a the TV and going back and forth between that and something else is so annoying to me.

50. Have you ever been to a concert? Once or twice. I went to a WINNER concert when I was in Japan. It was an amazing experience!

51. Are you vegan/vegetarian? Nope.

52. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? An archaeologist or astronaut.

53. What fictional world would you like to live in? I’m not sure if it counts, but I’d love to live in the world of Doctor Who. It’s basically just our world but with a time traveling alien jumping around saving the world on a frequent basis.

54. What is something you worry about? Economy. All the time.

55. Are you scared of the dark? Not particularly.

56. Do you like to sing? I love it!

57. Have you ever skipped school? I skipped every Sports Day in grade school, and I’ve skipped school a couple of times when some new video games I really wanted came out.

58. What is your favorite place on the planet? Japan, definitely.

59. Where would you like to live? Denmark, for economical and cultural reasons.

60. Do you have any pets? No. I REALLY WANT A CAT. But once my husband and I move into a house in a few years’ time, we’ve agreed to get dogs.

61. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? Definitely a night owl. There’s (almost) nothing I hate more than waking up early.

62. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? Sunsets.

63. Do you know how to drive? No. I don’t trust myself nearly enough to drive a car responsibly, so I’ll leave that to my husband.

64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? Headphones.

65. Have you ever had braces? No... But now that I’m older, I wish I had.

66. What is your favorite genre of music? Kpop all day, every day. And if that fails, then Jazz.

67. Who is your hero? Hmm... Fictional or Real? If Fictional, then the Doctor. If not, then Stephen Fry, which is basically the same thing, really, lol.

68. Do you read comic books? Occasionally.

69. What makes you the most angry? Racists, Xenophobes, Homophobes and generally, people who live in their own little piece of the world and believes that that is how everyone should live.

70. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? Electronic Device. I’m very forgetful, so I always end up placing real books somewhere I’ll never find them again.

71. What is your favorite subject in school? Currently? English or History. Among all the subjects I’ve ever had? Japanese Conversation Classes.

72. Do you have any siblings? I have two biological, one half, four step and one adopted.

73. What was the last thing you bought? A bottle of Marzipan shots. Delicious.

74. How tall are you? 169 centimeters.

75. Can you cook? HA! I can burn water.

76. What are three things that you love? Smoothies, Dreams and my Duvet.

77. What are three things that you hate? Racists, Politicians and Parmesan Cheese.

78. Do you have more female friends or more male friends? Equal, I think? Maybe slightly more male?

79. What is your sexual orientation? Heterosexual.

80. Where do you currently live? Randers, Denmark.

81. Who was the last person you texted? My husband.

82. When was the last time you cried? Two days ago.

83. Who is your favorite YouTuber? Plenty of different ones: Outside Xbox, Outside Xtra, TearofGrace, ChristopherOdd, SimSupply and Simlicy are my current tops.

84. Do you like to take selfies? Absolutely not.

85. What is your favorite app? Tumblr or Otome Amino.

86. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? I have no relationship with the man who donated the sperm that eventually became me. My relationship with my mom and my dad (her new husband) is great, although a bit rocky at times because of my intense honesty, lol.

87. What is your favorite foreign accent? … I don’t like accents, lol. I like dialects a lot! I like the Southern dialect of American English, and the Kansai dialect of Japanese.

88. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? The Valley of Kings in Egypt and China.

89. What is your favorite number? 7.

90. Can you juggle? Lol, nope.

91. Are you religious? I believe there is something we can’t explain or see or fathom, but I don’t particularly care about what it is, and I don’t buy into any of the current world religions. I find religions hella fascinating though!

92. Do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting? Outer Space. I’m afraid of the deep ocean, lol.

93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? Not even close.

94. Are you allergic to anything? No.

95. Can you curl your tongue? Don’t know what this means, lol.

96. Can you wiggle your ears? That I cannot.

97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? Depends. I don’t like admitting I was wrong when arguing with my baby brother, but with everyone else, I usually fess up once I’ve calmed down a bit.

98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? The beach.

99. What is your favourite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? I don’t think I was given the advice rather than figuring out for myself that that was how I wanted to live my life, but John Barrowman once said something that really struck a chord with me: “Never apologize for being nerdy, because unnerdy people never apologize for being assholes.”

100. Are you a good liar? I suppose I’m good at white lies? But I never think they’re lies, lol. It’s like, my husband will ask ‘did you do the dishes’, and I’ll instinctively answer ‘yes’ because I thought I did it, and then I’ll realize I’m not done yet, and I’ll rectify myself.

101. What is your hogwarts house? Hufflepuff Forever!!

102. Do you talk to yourself? In a manner of speaking. If I’m alone, I like to walk around and talk out stories I’m planning like I’m in a play. Like, I’ll imagine I’m in a part of the story I haven’t planned yet, and then talk out what the characters are saying to see if I can get the story to move forward.

103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Hmm... Don’t know?? I used to be an extreme introvert, but when I started University I decided that I wanted to talk more with my classmates, and now I’m sort of in the middle, I think??

104. Do you keep a journal/diary? Nope. Used to though.

105. Do you believe in second chances? Absolutely.

106. If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? Find the owner – if that doesn’t work, hand it in at the police station.

107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? Definitely.

108. Are you ticklish? Very much so. My husband likes to cuddle, but I frequently push him away, because his cuddles tickle me... It’s a struggle.

109. Have you ever been on a plane? Yes, close to ten times, I think.

110. Do you have any piercings? Just my ears.

111. What fictional character do you wish was real? The Doctor. I myself hate humanity at the best of times, so watching a timeless alien who sees the best in our race despite all of our failings is very inspiring.

112. Do you have any tattoos? Yes, I have a sibling tattoo with my two biological siblings. It’s three arrows over cross, that point to each of our birth years.

113. What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? Getting interested in Anime back when I was 12 years old, I think. It led to me meeting my best friend at the age of 14, learning one of the coolest languages in the world, meeting my husband, going on exchange to Kobe for the best four months of my life and making tons of friends I’d never have met otherwise.

114. Do you believe in karma? Yes.

115. Do you wear glasses or contacts? Nope, my vision is perfect for the moment.

116. Do you want children? Absolutely, and as soon as possible too.

117. Who is the smartest person you know? Depends on the subject matter? We’re all pretty smart with our own things, I believe. I’m the best in my class when it comes to Grammar, for instance, while the others are great at other parts of our classes.

118. What is your most embarrassing memory? Getting my first scooter at the age of 16 and driving straight into the side of car after leaving the dealer’s. I’ve never ridden another automatic vehicle since then.

119. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? Oh yes, so many times.

120. What color are most of you clothes? Greys and blacks.

121. Do you like adventures? Reading about them? Definitely. Going on them? Nope.

122. Have you ever been on TV? Yes. Me and a classmate of mine were interviewed in high school because we were two of the first students to take Chinese as an elective subject at the school.

123. How old are you? 25 years old.

124. What is your favorite quote? “Courage isn't just a matter of not being frightened, you know. It's being afraid and doing what you have to do anyway” – the Third Doctor, “Planet of the Daleks”, 1973.

125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? SWEET. I have such a sweet tooth, half of it would be enough.

#non sims #get to know me #simself

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thejosh1980 · 4 years ago

Text

Little Wing

(Trigger warning: animal/pet death)

Today, right now, I am sat at the spot where Mijo felt his last sunrise, just 24 hours ago.

He was 28 weeks old, he spent 20 of those weeks with me, and my family. He was my family. He was thrust upon me by my wife and mum, who knew Mijo would be the kind of birthday present I'd want, but could never ask for.

When he arrived he was unexpected. Straight from the car, into my bedroom, onto my lap, what a surprise, it was love at first sight. Those eyes, that tail, that round belly, the fur, I was all in. I had to say goodbye to 4 beautiful pets whom I loved dearly when I left Germany, so then and there I made a quiet, whisper promise to Mijo;

“I'll never ever leave you”...

We began like any other Daddy and cat story, playing, eating, talking to each other. We may have made a few messes on the bed learning to potty train, but I couldn't really fault him, he was perfect. He loved cuddles, got under our feet all the time, talked to us a lot and wanted to be a part of everything happening around the house.

He meowed very loudly too. Sometimes he'd meow from the next room sounding lost and worried. That's when I started to realized something was very different about him. It took about 2 weeks, but then I realized, he was totally deaf!!!! No vacuum cleaner, loud bangs, claps, or door slams could get his attention. When he meowed loudly, it was either because he had to, to feel himself meowing in his head, or he was missing us and could smell us, but not hear us in the next room. I had never had a cat who couldn't hear me call their name, so this was going to be a challenge.

Mijo accepted that challenge...

In a short time I figured out how to clicker train him, using a torch. I love training cats. Most folks think it's impossible, but I've taught cats to fetch, sit and come on command in the past.... So, pretty soon I had him jumping up, over and across chairs and tables on cue. I also learnt a way to “call” him; assuming he could see me, if I knelt down and tapped my leg, he'd come a running. Every time. We had it all figured out.

Grab a harness and a lead, and off we go, walking around the garden. This wasn't a cat, this was a dog. He had very little fear, I mean, he couldn't even hear the birds making a racket or the car driving by or the dog barking next door. He was fixated on me.

I bought him a blow up boat, to use in the pool, to help him get used to floating on water. It was a huge boat for his little size, but he'd hop in, and I'd “treat” him while he got used to the motion. The plan was to build him up to a real boat, or canoe or SUP. I could imagine him walking on water.

He was also great with other cats, so I could take him to visit his cousin and they'd play all day (if we'd let them). He'd come with me to visit other family and then... well, then the real adventures started. Mijo and I could go to the river, the park and the beach. We also went for coffee at the busiest part in the local village, and he took it all in his stride. We took bike rides too, as he sat in a special backpack I had for him. I could hold him while skateboarding or put him on my shoulder as I walked around. He was chill, happy to see and smell his silent world.

When Alex or I came home, and he'd be in the bedroom snoozing or gazing out the window, we could come in, take off our shoes, put our stuff down, maybe run to the loo, then we could snuggle up with him, cause he hadn't heard us arrive. He would just be waiting... He'd just wait for someone to step close enough, blow on his ear, feel a vibration and then he'd meow a big BIG hello, purr and snuggle. He was a no pressure cat... But always ready for hugs and pats.

Besides being deaf, he just didn't seem like any other cat I'd had or even met...

But isn't the way it is with all pets? They're all unique.

He loved Alex. He always had a hard decision between my lap and hers, or sleeping close to one or the other. We had a son to take care of, to love and to enjoy. At the beginning, Alex wasn't sure about having a cat, she'd pretty much always been a dog person, but it didn't take long for Mijo to wrap her around his little paw. She was hooked.

We thought he was going to be grow up to become a big boy. You know, Maine Coon sized 5-6 or maybe 7 kilo. We had high hopes for a dog-like cat, big enough to take on the world. We wanted to show him the world too.

After he had his snip (desexing) in mid March, he wasn't very well, and it really traumatized all of us, we just weren't sure why he took it so badly. He was in a lot of pain, even though the operation itself was quick and really good, with no issues. He would spend the day, in his “bread loaf” position, with his nose to the ground. It was like he was conserving all his energy for when we came home or wanted his attention.

Eventually, after a few weeks he bounced back, back to being his usual self, for a while. He actually lost a lot of fur during this time, most likely due to a reaction to the antibiotics and pain killers. Where his collar and harness were, he lost all his hair. It only took a few days, a bit too quick to realize what was going on, he rarely wore the collar or harness after that. It meant we sometimes lost him in the house without his bell on to tell which room he was in, so I'd be running around turning on and off the lights to get his attention and a meow.

It was our fun game of “Mijo Polo”.

We had noticed he wasn't eating as much, and he wasn't as playful. In fact, all his toys were being ignored, and he rarely chased anything we teased him with. When we took him for playtime with his cousin, he wouldn't last as long play fighting. Something was up, we thought he'd bounce back by now.

Overall, he was a very chilled cat, having just had an operation and now with, ringworm, a tooth problem (one adult tooth was causing him problems and needed to be pulled) maybe that was why he wasn't too interested in food. Surely it wasn't bacteria, an infection or a virus in his blood.

In early May, Mijo developed ringworm, which, by the way, isn't a worm but rather a fungal infection. The vet already had us on anti fungal cream day and night. It's very unusual to get ringworm; it's all around us, but a strong immune system, actually, a decent immune system, would fight off any infection naturally. Cats generally just lick it all off their fur. Humans sometimes get it, from a scratch or a wound. It's in the soil, it's in the air.

When we got the treatment for the ringworm, we also gave him an appetite stimulant, to encourage him to eat, but it made little difference. As nothing changed, we went back to the vet a few days later, and did a hypothyroidism test; the results were borderline.

What could be going on?

At the time of his desexing operation, he was 1.7 kilos, a week later he was down to 1.5 and eventually 1.45 kilo. His body was growing a little, but his muscle and fat wasn't.

We talked to the vet and decided, even though his ringworm was infectious, the tooth had to go, sooner rather than later. It seemed logical that it was his biggest barrier to fulfilling his dietary requirements and his well being. We wanted him fattening up, growing up, and being his usual self again, ASAP. We needed to get him back on track towards good health, enough was enough.

On Monday 17th May I dropped the little guy off at the vet for the day. A check up and a tooth pull.

Before any cat gets an anesthetic, they run a simple blood test to determine if the cat is well enough. During the day we got a call that the operation couldn't happen, and that he'd have to stay in over night or longer, with meds to help him, because his red cell blood count was low. 10%. Most cats need around 40%, if there's any complication with the tooth pull, his blood may not clot.

It's official, he was very unwell.

I was at school when I got the news. I was in shock. Our little boy was that unwell? But he does eat (a little), he does walk on the lead with me, he's eating his treats... was he that unwell?

Suddenly we had to decide on some expensive tests to figure out what was wrong with him. I mean, the red blood cells were being eaten up by the white ones, but why?? We arranged the suggested tests and they kept him in over night.

I was very distraught. How can my little guy be so unwell yet behave well? With that blood count, he shouldn't be able to walk, he should be so lethargic that he can't keep his head up!! He should be in a coma.

All in all, theoretically, he should be dead.

So was it dwarfism, hypothyroidism, mycoplasma??? And and and?? Tests... Blood being taken.. Our boy in the vet over night, alone, worried, scared??? Will he make it through the night? I didn't sleep well...

On Tuesday afternoon the vet let us bring him home. His blood level was down to 9.1%. The idea was that, at least at home he'd have cuddles and love, and that might help his immune system. He was lethargic but not completely terrible. I would need to bring him in on Wednesday for another blood test, to see how he was doing.

On Wednesday, it didn't go well, Mijo had gone from 9 to 8.1% blood level. It was now becoming almost impossible to get any blood out of him. I saw how difficult it was 2 weeks earlier when he had the hypothyroid test, they had to try on both legs and his neck to get a half mil of blood! He was a champ and barely complained. But now, I couldn't imagine the pain he went through with even less blood.

He's been that sick for how long?? Why hadn't we noticed?

We were panicking.

The vet suggested we meet with a mature, more experienced doc, on Thursday. We should be able to figure something out, we had to. Each day = less blood = more chance of...

Well, I am a hopeful guy. I realize, I live on hope. I spent years hoping certain people in my life would change, or love me in a way that I feel some love. I always hope things will change for the better. I don't know why, but it's ingrained in me to feel hopelessness or hope... I think I'm never in the middle... or is that called acceptance? OK, maybe I do feel that too, eventually... But it takes a long long time...

I have videos of Mijo on Thursday 20th, he's cleaning himself in the sun, meowing and purring, happy to see me, walking around the garden with me. Full of life and adventure.

At lunch time, Mijo and I go to the vet. He is his usual cute self, always curious at the vets, and now there's a the new guy he's meeting, what an adventure.

Before he opens the cat box he said something along the lines of “Well, because his blood levels are so low, today is really about deciding if he goes to heaven or not...” I'm not sure, but I know I heard words like “heaven” and “euthanasia” early on in the consultation. Shock was setting in. I barely heard anything else he said, luckily we had Alex on the speaker phone.

Turns out, not only is our little guy deaf, he's an anomaly.

Any cat with 8.1% should be comatose. They should barely be able to walk. They certainly can't pee or poo without help and don't drink or eat much. Mijo came out of his box and sniffed around, was alert and ready to meet the new guy!!

The vet was stumped. He had never seen this before, in over 30 years...

We didn't know he was so sick, because, he was, overall, a well behaved cat. His weight he lost, sure, but he was now at least stable. He was eating, it just took a lot of creativity sometimes to spark his interest (mostly warming up meals and giving him treats).

The vet tried to explain to me, but I'm sure Alex on the phone understood it clearly, that we had very little time, well, no time. We had 3 choices that day. Go to a specialist an hour's drive away, give Mijo steroids and hope he had mycoplasma or Immune mediated hemolytic anemia (IMHA) or, lastly, euthanasia.

Wait???? What does that even mean??

The specialist would give him a blood transfusion, and some special custom drugs which should help him. The vet said it could cost in the 10s of thousands, and may help Mijo for a few weeks, but it's not a solution that we are sure would be long term or not.

Giving Mijo steroids would give him a fighting chance, or not... Basically it could cure or kill him. Because we aren't sure what is the cause of the low blood count, it could be IMHA, mycoplasma or something else, but it's a best educated guess at this rate. If it is the wrong choice, he may die quicker than expected.

Euthanasia, no explanation needed.

We decided on steroids. According to the vet, there was a 50/50 chance it would work. If the cause of the blood cells killing off each other was for or against steroids, we'd know soon enough. Still shocked I tried to understand it all. I'm so grateful Alex was on the line and knows this stuff through experience and study.

The idea of taking Mijo an hour's drive north to the specialist, to a cubicle, a place where we may not be with him 24/7, on the off chance that he wouldn't make it and die alone, we couldn't fathom that.

Mijo took the steroid injection like a champ, he always did injections well. He was given some antibiotics to also help. The vet said, that by Saturday we'll know if it was the right decision. We'd know if he would be getting better...

It was decided that on Monday 24th we'd go back in for a blood test to actually see if the steroids were working (cause apparently one can't really tell with Mijo's behavior, the cheeky monkey).

Mijo and I came home, and well, he ate, he was purring, sitting on my lap. The usual deal. When I went out to get the washing in, he tried to go out too, something we, as parents, have been very protective about. He doesn't go out alone, he doesn't go out without a lead or a bell. He's not an easy cat to find if he runs off, not that he has ever tried. He deaf, he can't hear cars or other dangers out there.

I promised him I'd take him out to that side of the house/garden that afternoon...

So we did, we went out, we sat down, he explored. He was well, good, better, best. He was my boy. He trusted me, I trusted him. I'm always amazed how well he walks by my side, like a dog, with loose leash... Taking my steps as cues when to walk, and when to stop.

We also met the neighbor's dog, which was a first, both were not really interested in each other... But still, Mijo knew there's a lot to live for...

Overnight he went great... Woke up with him on my chest relaxing waiting for me to get up and feed him, luckily I have a wife who had to get up for work at that moment. I remember she sang him a lullaby and held him like a baby. It was really sweet to see how much love they had for each other. Rock-a-bye Mijo...

We wanted to him feel as much love as we could. We felt that, if the steroids and antibiotics were doing their part, and we did ours, there's nothing he can't beat. And he sure felt the love...

I held him while doing some singing exercises, close to my chest. It was something we hadn't done before, and he purred. He'd look up and meow every time I stopped making vibrations. He felt it, I felt it, it was a connection.

We spent a lot of time, reading, relaxing and sitting on laps. Alex and I cuddled him, told him we loved him. He was really fighting. He was eating. He was a little more playful than in recent weeks. He wanted to live. We could feel it...

He went from eating half a packet to 1.5 packets a day, plus dry food. He always wanted treats, and I was always glad to oblige.

By Saturday he was wonder cat! Kneading... Purring... Chasing toys... Eager to hang out...

We'd overcome the problem! He was getting better. There's fight, love and life left in him. He was amazing. If it hadn't been for his ringworm (which was also healing very very well) I'd say he was perfect, especially once he put on another few grams...

We had 4 awesome days, loads of energy and love. He was never alone in the house, and rarely alone in a room. We wanted him to know, to feel, that we loved him so deeply and that all we want was him in our life, for adventures and cuddles.

On Monday morning, his appetite went down... He didn't really eat much...

We all left for the day, work and school. I think we were all worried, but he'd been so good and improved so so much, that we were sure he'd be fine. We have the blood test booked for the afternoon, I'm sure he'll pep up by then. The injection could be wearing off too...

Mijo and I went in to the vet, and his test came back at 14%!!! Damn, that's 6 points!! The vet expected 3 to be a big improvement. In fact, if he had 3 or less, euthanasia may have been the only option... Happy days! He was well. He's going to live! He'll be fine.

We're not out of the woods yet, but we are in the right direction.

All that love we lavished on him, not just in the past days, but the past 4 months. The adventures, the friends he'd made (both human and animal) the smells and sights he'd seen, the vibrations he felt, it was all coming together... He was a fighter with a lot of love to give...

We were over joyed. Really, I couldn't have been happier when I got the results. I gave a “whoop” and threw my fist in the air (I've never done that before in my life!).

We changed to tablet form steroids, as they'll be better long term, keep up the antibiotics and off we go...

But we all know, that often people and animals, when they know they are dying, they give it one last shot. And that was it... We didn't realize until Wednesday, that he wasn't actually going to get better...

Mijo stopped grooming himself, he slowly ate less and less... He became more and more lethargic, he started to sit in the “bread loaf” position with his nose on the ground, as he did after the snip, resting. We thought it was the change in steroids, and as I was at school and the girls at work, we just kept thinking he'd pep up eventually.

When I left for school Wednesday morning, he was alert, but lethargic. When I came home early to check on him, he had really changed again.

His belly was a little bloated, but he had hardly eaten. He had trouble walking, it seemed like it was a mix of muscle degradation/pain and confusion. His meowing changed to a high pitch cry, similar to that of a young kitten. He also stopped eating, he wouldn't even touch any of his tasty treats. He searched for any bit of sun to stand in, but he was looking so uncomfortable, his posture had changed, half sitting, half standing. I was grateful, when I carried him to his water bowl, that he drank a lot. He also went to the toilet, I held his tail so he didn't make a mess on himself.

We spent the afternoon outside, as the sun started to set. He loved the sun, I wanted him to feel warmth... I held him, talked to him. I don't know now many times I asked him to please hold on, please fight and that I loved him. He looked more comfortable in the sun.

I did film us walking around the pool. I am forever grateful for technology, so that I could just put my phone down, touch a button and record a moment. As we walked and talked, oblivious to the camera, I recognized a change in his breathing... I may have missed it previously, but for sure, his breath was becoming more and more labored. Every 3 or 4 breaths, he just had to try harder... His eyes were changing too... But I was sure he could recognize me, the way the vibrations from my chest reached his body and the way I smell. He would react from time to time, shifting or clawing at me.

He often touched my chest with his paw. Reaching out...

Mum and I went to the vet late Wednesday afternoon, the earliest we could. I explained it must be the change of steroids. No, it wasn't. They were the same type, it was just that he wasn't able to fight anymore. We discussed the specialist, called them and made a plan to go in first thing in the morning. I arranged for a friend to come with me, and Thursday morning bright and early, we were going up to get Mijo cured. Transfusion, drugs, you name it, we were going to do it. We had to, we told him we'd make him better.

There and then, Alex and I decided to trade in our honeymoon, you know from the wedding we had 13 months ago and still haven't done the traditional thing of a week or two away somewhere. We decided the money we had aside for that, would go to Mijo's specialist costs, because without Mijo, our honeymoon, whatever and whenever we decide to do it, wouldn't be worth doing, if he wasn't around.

I made a firm plan on how to help him through the night. We would hold him in shifts... All 3 of us... If one showered, the other held him. Dinner time, we shared the responsibility, not that we ate much anyhow. We cuddled, we talked, we purred, I would blow gently on his head... He was feeling love and he was fighting...

Because he hadn't eaten all day, we decided to try feeding him with a syringe, with success. With the tablets we were putting into his stomach, I felt he needed something else down there too... With a small syringe, he took it well, lapping up a tasty liquid treat.

When it was bed time, we put pillows around the bed, incase he fell, because he was very wobbly on his feet. He would cry out at random times, possibly from pain, but I think more from confusion. He sometimes wanted to get away from us, as we know, pets know when it's time and usually disappear, isolate.

We barely slept. I managed about 3 hours... But it was tough.. He wouldn't stay still, and eventually we put him in his little bed, near our bed... Of course he didn't stay there long.

At 4am I heard him crying... I found him under the bed... Alex woke up too... His breathing had changed a lot... Every breath was labored. He wasn't getting enough oxygen.

I laid on my back, and Mijo laid on my chest. This was how it often was, especially when I was reading... We did that until around 7am... Alex taking turns, holding him, talking to him, loving him. Mijo could barely hold himself up, he just laid in our arms... Breathing... His eyes began to glaze over...

We discussed our options, we felt the specialist was now a long shot. We didn't think he'd make the drive, he was near the end. Our little man had little fight left... And we wouldn't forgive ourselves for him dying in a foreign place. There were a lot of tears and back and forwards, including mum coming in for cuddles with the little guy at 5am...

Alex called the emergency vet, and we planned to go in at 8:30... Mijo's time had come...

When the sun comes up, if the blind is open in our bedroom, the sun shines right on through to Alex in bed, Mijo was in her arms, while she drank coffee as the sun rose.

Sometime later I took the little guy out to the pool, where we walked and talked, cuddled and loved, around and around, in the morning sun. I talked to him about all the adventures we had, riding bikes, visiting people, the beach and the river. I spent most of that hour, holding him, looking to his eyes... He gazed up, I just hope he knew it was me. I just knew he felt the vibrations of my words.

We both told him, it was OK to let go now. We were ready. But he kept on fighting for each breath... I think he was just like his Dad, always hopeful..

He last moments at home, where in the chair I'm sat in now. It gets the best light, first thing, even though it's inside the “catio”. Alex had sat down while I was walking outside, I seem to do better when I walk, and I brought him in for cuddles with her in the sun... He was bathed in sunshine, in Alex's arms... It was beautiful...

Actually getting in the car and going to the vet, was tough, but it really hit me when I walked in. I held the little guy, and just burst into middle-aged-man tears and sobbing... If you were there, you'd know I was my mother's son, cause she was sobbing too... I couldn't look anyone in the eye... I didn't understand what was going on, or about to go on...

I think I was in another place...

We went into a consult room, and I just laid the little guy down, not thinking of using the blanket we had... The vet explained the procedure and took him away for his catheter and first injection, some anesthetic? I don't know, but apparently it was the right thing, it helped with his pain.

I couldn't even look Alex or Mum in the eye... I just cried...

I still had hope...

When they came back, Mijo was wrapped in a soft blanket, what a great idea...!! He was quieter, more peaceful... The vet left to give us a moment...

He was still breathing, still fighting... I put my ear to his face, and heard him...

I kept making sure his eye lids closed from time to time. I remember back when Catalina, my little girl in Germany, needed to be anesthetized for a check up. The vet put some put liquid drops in her eyes and made her blink, so her eyes didn't dry out... So for Mijo, I did that every once in a while... I didn't want his eyes to dry up... I wanted him to be able to see me, because laying on that table, he couldn't hear me.

I begged Alex not to bring the vet back in for the final injection... I think I may have screamed something at her... I don't know... I wasn't me... I was trying to hold him in my arms, without moving him... I was trying to give him another chance...

I bawled...

I don't know if I have ever cried like that before... I thought I'd be all cried out... I thought all my tears had already left the building the previous hours and days... But there was more... a lot more... and more to come...

I know that Alex and I held hands over his body... I felt the love... I felt his warmth... his breathing... I know I cried tears onto him, there were tear drops on his lips...

I looked him in the eye as much as I could, but mostly, I cried...

I felt the liquid go into him, I felt it go around my hand into him...

I don't know much about what happened after that... I know I didn't want to leave him, I had promised him I would never do it. I regret not holding him once more... I know that at that moment, I felt the life drain out of me... I felt hope die...

I walked out, not knowing what to do, and flopped down on the grass outside... I never sit on grass, but Mijo liked it...

I managed to drive home...

That was yesterday...

Since then I've tried to rest, tried to come to grips with what has happened, tried to connect with a few friends, I've tried... I'm still trying...

This morning I got up wanting to do some sport, washing, then study and take on the day with confidence... It's a new day, I should take that opportunity to get back into my routine... It took all of 1 minute, from bed to bathroom, to be bawling... Except for the time I manage to calm down enough to type this blog, I've been crying... It's now 10am... I was awake at 6:15...

We are running out of tissues..

I felt so bad this morning, I wanted to plead with Alex not to go to work, because I just can't today. I just can't. We have discussed how she copes in these situations, and I know that's how she copes, by going to work, so I kept my trap shut. I just want her to hug me all day, so I can feel her warmth.

I cried so much on the drive to drop mum off at work this morning, she started crying too, and contemplated not going to work... She wanted to be there for me, but I told her, honestly, I don't think I'd be much company today.

I don't know the grieving process, we haven't learnt that in counseling school yet, but I do know, I'm feeling very lost... I feel very numb...

I can't explain it, and maybe that's why folks can never really explain how they feel after someone close to them, or their pet, has passed. We are just lost.

I also feel that I am grieving for my other losses in my life. It's a bit like, it's a culmination of all the others before him, plus him on top, making me feel pain like I have never experienced before.

Grief is just love, with no place to go... Alex and I talked about that quote last night. I used this quote to help me through leaving my 4 pets in Germany, I know I have to find a new place for my love, but for now, I just can't.

I know I couldn't have gotten through this without the support of my Mum and Alex...

While Mum cries at the drop of a hat, she is solid and thoughtful and loving. Alex is strong and experienced in these matters. She knew what to say, and when, even if I did yell back… Both have a lot of time and patience for me.

I know Alex and Mum feel bad, maybe even guilty, for choosing him. Mijo was a present, to give me joy and love and comfort. And he sure did, in multitudes, to all of us. I would never have gotten a cat back then, I didn't feel Alex or I were ready, we were still working through our issues with our pets in Germany.

Alex and I decided that we want Mijo home with us. He was only on this earth for 6.5 months, we expected him to be with us for 10+ years. Taken too early. Once he's cremated we'll have him in a little urn. He was so small, but if there's a little left over, we will either plant a tree with his ashes or sprinkle him down by the river, the first place he went to that was close to water.

The past day or so, I have shared what happened with some friends, classmates and family, and everyone has been so thoughtful and caring. Thank you, it's really helped to know you're all out there, thinking of the little guy. He would have loved to meet you all.

He was perfection. If someone else had gotten him, realized he was deaf, they may not have given him the adventures and life he had. Mum considers him a rescue cat...

So here I am, in the chair, his last chair in his last moments at home.

I can still smell him on my shirt. When I walk around the house, dazed, I sniff my shirt. He had a wonderful smell. The smell of love and adventure. I hope that smell lasts a life time.

I miss his warmth, his meow, which was damn loud!! I miss, that sometimes he'd get lost around the house... Or he'd lose me, around the house. He was gentle, and only bit me once, by accident, piercing my thumb a little. I miss the fact he had 1 tooth growing forward, directly out, making him a tri-toothed kitten with a protruding top lip! He took on the world without fear. I've never experienced anything like it in a cat. My girl Catalina did sit on my shoulder as I walked down the street in Germany, but Mijo, he let me go skateboarding with him, played guitar with me (he'd chew the strings) and one time, I even vacuumed his tail.

All trust. No fear.

Back when he lost all his hair around his neck and stomach after his snip operation, we were pretty concerned. Funnily enough, it grew back pretty quickly, but it grew back white, not grey. He had a ring around his neck and kind of marks on his back wrapping around to his belly. Alex googled it, and actually found out, cats can often have their hair grow back white after trauma or experiencing extremes of temperature if their hair was cut short or fell out.

About a month ago, I sent my dearest of friends, Sandra, a photo of his regrowth, and she commented looks like “little angel wings”...

Fly on little wing, fly on...

RIP Mijo Angus

12-11-2020 – 27-05-2021

Thanks for reading,

Josh

#pet #pet love #pet death #sad story #loss #griefandloss

11 notes · View notes

hallucinosims · 6 years ago

Photo

Hi here’s the get to know me tag let’s get to knowing

I was tagged in this by @gunthermunch

125 questions under the cut, if you do decide to read i suggest getting a snack first

I tag @emovatore @humanitys-shortest @liliithvatore if you haven’t done it yet

1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? Elio

2. WHAT IS YOUR NICKNAME? Lee and Leo are the go-tos in real life but I get called Hall on here and I think that’s a rad nickname too

3. BIRTHDAY? Feb 5th

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK SERIES? I am a slut for the Percy Jackson series and Leo Valdez was one of the reasons why I started going by Leo more often then my full name

5. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS OR GHOSTS? Yes yes absolutely yes. One, earth really can’t be the only planet in a universe with infinite possibilities to have life on it, you know? And ghosts is more like a spirit thing.

6. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR? oooh fuck me up this is a hard one uhhhhhh Classic author probably Edgar Allen Poe but Contempoary I’d say Tony Kushner

7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE RADIO STATION? the Musical Theatre station

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF ANYTHING? I don’t really like... food. I don’t enjoy it. But I guess I like savory over sweet

9. WHAT WORD WOULD YOU USE OFTEN TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING GREAT OR WONDERFUL? neat

10. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE SONG? Liar by Queen or Greek God by Conan Gray

11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD? I-Cunt-tic, pronounced like iconic but... you know

12. WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO? Please Never Fall in love again Ollie MN

13. WHAT TV SHOW WOULD YOU RECOMMEND FOR EVERYBODY TO WATCH? Kidding, that Jim Carrey tv show that premiered this year. Beautifully edited and told story

14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE TO WATCH WHEN YOU’RE FEELING DOWN? I’ve seen Bohemian Rhapsody 6 times this month alone so probably that on wards

15. DO YOU PLAY VIDEO GAMES? yes

16. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? dying in the same place i was born

17. WHAT IS YOUR BEST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? my empathy

18. WHAT IS YOUR WORST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? the depression (tm)

19. DO YOU LIKE CATS OR DOGS BETTER? idk, i’m not really an animal person

20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? fall

21. ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP? nah

22. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU MISS FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD? playing in the ika playscape

23. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? i have quite a few best friends but when im at school/work then my good friend Julio

24. WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR? a very doe eyed dark brown

25. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? i re-dyed my hair black recently so let’s go with that

26. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE? my mom

27. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU TRUST? my dad

28. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? myself

29. ARE YOU CURRENTLY EXCITED ABOUT/FOR SOMETHING? going to denmark to be a farm gay on my semester off

30. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST OBSESSION? currently Sims, Queen, and Falsettos (the musical)

31. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD? i didn’t have cable but there is no way in hell i’m saying cyberchase so, Mia and Miguel

32. WHO OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER CAN YOU TELL ANYTHING TO, IF ANYONE? Julio

33. ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS? very

34. DO YOU HAVE ANY UNUSUAL PHOBIAS? none that i can think of

35. DO YOU PREFER TO BE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA OR BEHIND IT?i actually really enjoy both

36. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOBBY? sims

37. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? True West, it’s a really good play

38. WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? ...Bohemian Rhapsody for the 6th time

39. WHAT MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? most stringed instruments i can figure out pretty quickly but i’m best at guitar and piano

40. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL? humans

41. WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5 FAVORITE TUMBLR BLOGS THAT YOU FOLLOW? i follow over 5k people i don’t even know who i follow

42. WHAT SUPERPOWER DO YOU WISH YOU HAD? basically Kirby. I want the power to take others powers

43. WHEN AND WHERE DO YOU FEEL MOST AT PEACE? in michigan on rainy afternoons in my bunk bed with my laptop on my lap. Or like, the floor of a bookstore

44. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE? loaded question

45. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? I used to do competitve dance, competitve cheer, biking, and volleyball

46. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? watah

47. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A HAND-WRITTEN LETTER OR NOTE TO SOMEBODY? like a week ago to my grandma, she likes getting post cards in the mail

48. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? i used to be. not so much anymore

49. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? people who saunter. We got places to be fellas

50. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A CONCERT? yup!

51. ARE YOU VEGAN/VEGETARIAN? i’m to anemic to be either

52. WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP? a performer

53. WHAT FICTIONAL WORLD WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE IN? i’m actually not to into media that take place in other... wait i take it back i wanna live in Hobbiton

54. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WORRY ABOUT? breathing

55. ARE YOU SCARED OF THE DARK? ehh sometimes

56. DO YOU LIKE TO SING? It’s a part of my career so hopefully

57. HAVE YOU EVER SKIPPED SCHOOL? i’m skippin school rn

58. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE ON THE PLANET? manhattan Lower East Side

59. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE? Manhattan’s Lower East Side. I live in the Upper West Side right now and it’s aight but it’s not the LES

60. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? nope

61. ARE YOU MORE OF AN EARLY BIRD OR A NIGHT OWL? i just dont sleep

62. DO YOU LIKE SUNRISES OR SUNSETS BETTER?sunrises

63. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE? nah

64. DO YOU PREFER EARBUDS OR HEADPHONES? earbuds

65. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? yee

66. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC? anything

67. WHO IS YOUR HERO? Tony Kushner

68. DO YOU READ COMIC BOOKS? yee and before you ask my fave is Deadpool

69. WHAT MAKES YOU THE MOST ANGRY? when people be on some bullshit

70. DO YOU PREFER TO READ ON AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE OR WITH A REAL BOOK? real book

71. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? IN High School I loved history

72. DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? one sister who is ten years older than I am

73. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? ... iced coffee despite it being 30 degrees out

74. HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5′3

75. CAN YOU COOK? I’d like to think so. Wish I had a oven tho

76. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU LOVE? music, my family (sometimes) I’m trying to love myself so let’s throow that one in there

77. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU HATE? people who stroll/saunter, when people are on their bullshit, dark chocolate

78. DO YOU HAVE MORE FEMALE FRIENDS OR MORE MALE FRIENDS? male “friends”. But, I know a lot more girls that I keep up with more often.

79. WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION? lesbian

80. WHERE DO YOU CURRENTLY LIVE? Manhattan, Upper West Side

81. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TEXTED? Me mam

82. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Thursday in my Theatre class but we were all crying so i’ll let it slide

83. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE YOUTUBER? i don’t really watch anyone consistently

84. DO YOU LIKE TO TAKE SELFIES? i do

85. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE APP? tinder

86. WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENT(S) LIKE? prety solid i love them both even if my mom hates my sexuality and threatened locking me at home when i came out to herelol

87. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOREIGN ACCENT? italian

88. WHAT IS A PLACE THAT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO, BUT YOU WANT TO VISIT?Copenhagen! I’ve wanted to go to Denmark since I was ten

89. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 7

90. CAN YOU JUGGLE? Nah son

91. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS? defenitly a lot less than my story style insists lol. I do believe in God tho

92. DO YOU FIND OUTER SPACE OR THE DEEP OCEAN TO BE MORE INTERESTING? LOADED QUESTION BECAUSE I WANNA EXPLORE BOTH

93. DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE A DAREDEVIL? ehhhhhhhh no

94. ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING? strawberries and some medicine that i can’t remember the name of

95. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? yes i’m a lesbian it’s what we do

96. CAN YOU WIGGLE YOUR EARS? nah

97. HOW OFTEN DO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT SOMETHING? Literally anytime i’m wrong about soomething. I love being exposed, put in my place, roasted.

98. DO YOU PREFER THE FOREST OR THE BEACH? Forest so I can find my mans... my MOTH mans

99. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIECE OF ADVICE THAT ANYONE HAS EVER GIVEN YOU? you know what you want, don’t let your concerns get in the way of your ambitions

100. ARE YOU A GOOD LIAR? Yes

101. WHAT IS YOUR HOGWARTS HOUSE? Ravenclaw

102. DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF? Deadass I talk to myself more often than otherpeople

103. ARE YOU AN INTROVERT OR AN EXTROVERT? introverted

104. DO YOU KEEP A JOURNAL/DIARY? yee

105. DO YOU BELIEVE IN SECOND CHANCES? I give everyone I can think of second chances because i’m a forgiving sone of a bitch and yet they continue TO BE ON SOME BULLSHIT

106. IF YOU FOUND A WALLET FULL OF MONEY ON THE GROUND, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? THat be mine i may be forgiving by moral compass be broke as hell and I haven’t eaten in like 3 days because i’m so broke

107. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF CHANGE? When I’m answering this question for a job application i sure do

108. ARE YOU TICKLISH? tragicallu

109. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A PLANE? yes

110. DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS? i have 5 holes in my ears and a nostreil piercing

111. WHAT FICTIONAL CHARACTER DO YOU WISH WAS REAL? Mark Cohen or LEO VALDEZ

112. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS? yes 2, one chest, one forearm. But that’s only because I don’t have money i need more

113. WHAT IS THE BEST DECISION THAT YOU’VE MADE IN YOUR LIFE SO FAR? move to new york

114. DO YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA? yes and she’s a bitch

115. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES OR CONTACTS? both

116. DO YOU WANT CHILDREN? eventually I feel like I would make a pretty solid kid

117. WHO IS THE SMARTEST PERSON YOU KNOW? my dad

118. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MEMORY? Being high for three days straight

119. HAVE YOU EVER PULLED AN ALL-NIGHTER? i just finished pulling one

120. WHAT COLOR ARE MOST OF YOU CLOTHES? black as you can see by my simself i really do dress pretty much only in black because i aged poorly out of my goth phase

121. DO YOU LIKE ADVENTURES? yeeee

122. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON TV? Yep, Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade, Trade Show stuff, probably for school or local news a few times

123. HOW OLD ARE YOU? 18

124. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE? Know in your soul like your blood knows the way from your heart to your brain, know that you’re whole. - HEdwig and the Angry Inch

125. DO YOU PREFER SWEET OR SAVORY FOODS? This is a really boring last question but savory but if you made it this far i’ll expose myself a little more. I’m black and Jewish, I go to a performing arts Conservatory, and this took me so long to answer because I hooked up with someone in Brooklyn last night and i had trouble getting back to my dorm.

#get to know me tag #hall posts #saviorhide #long posts

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