#I get upset when I cant do things when Im disabled but for the most part I get upset because a lack of accommodations and

[lakeinstillness]

I think Im not afraid of being a full time or most-time chair user, but its the lack of accessibility and loss of options that is scary. I think I can make peace with the idea that I might need a chair much more often than I do now, but even now I still struggle getting into certain buildings and just shopping in general when in my chair.

[icarusredwings]

i *live* for your agere wade omg 😢🙏🏻 i also age regress there's just something about your favorite character being like you that makes me smile :) your writing is absolutely wonderful as well!! :3

Hi hon, Im so proud of you for doing what's good for you, and I am so happy that you've found something to enjoy that makes you feel good about yourself.

Thank you so much for the support. I've seen more people mention how excited they were to find cute, mild, and nonnsexual regressions for Wade, so I've decided to put it on A03 for more people to enjoy.

I actually was nervous about posting them in general because of the stigma around it but seeing how supportive you all have been (I dont know why im even shocked) it's made me a little more confident in my writing. I was abused quite a bit as a child, and while I don't regress, I do have a special attachment to my stuffed animals and find comfort in kids' shows. Annnddd, as someone who was working towards becoming a geneticist? It's comforting to know that some very intelligent and successful people also do.

While you're waiting for me to write more or upload to A03, have some HCs:

Depending on what's going on, he fluctuates between 5-8.

Wade has 3 caregivers, Al, Vanessa, and Logan. He loves them all so much but certian care givers are for certain things. Al (Mama) is he goes too for booboos, Ness (Mommy) is who takes him out the most, to the park and doctors (If things get too out of hand, she can pull the "He's my disabled son you bastard" card, and Logan (Kitty) is general. The one youll find when wade is casually colouring or playing tea party with.

He'll take "sippies" but hes a bit too old for them because he chews the tops off.

Cereal, mac and cheese, pizza, bassically anything he already eats as an adult, including spicy tacos.

He doesn't have a lot of toys (and if he does, they're from a give away or a dumpster) so is very possesive of them and will instantly get upset if you try to take them away or "hurt" them.

Wade is the type to just chill with you on the couch and eat snacks if you don't have the energy to play or take him to the park. Even as a child, he was very emotionally intelligent, and it shows.

Most kids would have tantrums, but he seems to either be understanding or go cry in silence while isolated (its what hes used too)

As much as people say he's a potty mouth, I don't see it. Not yet anyway. Sure he'll say "bad words" sometimes but as someone whos used to being screamed at to shut up all the time, I believe he talks so much as an adult BECAUSE he wasn't allowed as a kid so he's more of an observer unless you are unfortunately his favorite and then hes going to tell you random facts.

Oftentimes, the "perfect child" are ones that are independent, quiet, and who monitor their emotions/ actions around other kids and adults. This means being forced to act older than you actually are, walking on eggshells around adults and trying to do things by himself.

He likes to wear clothes that are too big for him rather then tight. (Bonus points if they're a hoodie or a sweater)

He likes baths and sometimes will tell you that his "Skin hurts" when really it's just itchy/peeling/ needs lotion.

He's not big on babytalk but "puppy" "mama" "mommy" "park?" "Kitty scratch bad guys" "I watch tv?" "Go home?" "Play horses?" Are common. Its either small unfinished sentneces or endless rambling with full sentences that repeat themself. Logan has once heard "Did you know-?" 30 times once all in 10 minutes

He has a stuffy of a Wolverine named Fluffy from Kitty, a unicorn named Buttercream from Mommy, and a bear shaped dog toy from Mama. In her defense she didn't know it was a dog toy (because shes blind and cant read duh) but Wade loves it more that it squeaks.

Because kidWade (He is "NOT little", he's a "Big boy") is bigger than them, he has issues playing a little... rough... with other kids. He has infact shoved a kid into the sand while playing tag.

Wade is very erm... possesive.. over his caregivers and will act out if he believes Kitty is ignoring him. Because of their history, hes even more prone to acting out with Ness and has gone as far as telling someone they looked like a burnt quesodilla that "had a baby with a wrinkled cucumber" before (and will do it again)

Flappy hands. Giggles. Screeches. That is all that needs to be said.

Wade likes music, arts, and crafts. Physical exercise is nice too but naps are needed afterwards.

Naps must be willing. If you tell him to go take a nap he'll just stomp his feet and cry that hes "being good" so "doesn't need one" bassically, naps are punishment.

Tw for sensitive topics such as mental and physical health

The worst part about having Wade isn't that he is a "brat" or "bad", no infact wade barley ever is a brat. He's very people pleasing because he just wants as much affection as possible. it's the fact that you can't trick him or keep him from doing something. He's too smart.

"Come on baby, we're going to the park"

"Yay!!- wait.... Mommy... Mommy the park is that way...Mommy this is how you go to the mean doctors! They're gonna rip my teeth out!"

It's even HARDER to care for a kid who can escape literally anything and can run all the way home if you upset him too badly. The only thing really you can do is call a different cg and double up on the reassurance. (And maybe a bribe)

Another thing is that just because he's in this headspace doesn't mean his issues are gone. Between the nightmares, the flashbacks, the scary hallucinations that he can't understand, intrusive thoughts about harming a person, impusive thoughts, and just straight up having to deal with cancer on top of it all, etc.

Do you know how hard it is to explain to a child that they're nauseous and exhausted because the cells inside of him are eating the other cells, dying, and healing all at the same time?

[xxcherrycherixx]

fuck it, we always talk about the apple hate but we never talk about the blondie hate-

that is my bbgirl my best friend, she's my pal. she's my home boy, my rotten soldier. shes my sweet cheese, my good time boy

and ppl always be bashing her for being "annoying and sticking her nose into shit" like bestie im sorry she's not another copy of literally all the other princesses- like yall want her to be holly? who is like forgettable af but hey shes not "annoying" (sorry holly enjoyers, but i legit forget about her existence so much)

she's such a fun character! her entire shit is be gay do crimes hun, she breaks into houses on the regular and just vibes there, she has like 4 restraining orders against her- she picks locks so good that people regularly just go to her when they need to sneak into places

she looks at girls with this face!

THAT IS HEART EYES MOTHERFUCKER NO ONE ELSE WAS LOOKING AT CUPID LIKE THAT, ONLY THE COUPLES BE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER LIKE THAT THIS BITCH GAY GAY AND THEN THE WAY SHE SNAPS OUT OF IT AND JUST KEEPS STARING FOR A GOOD WHILE LIKE "oh shit well that's something i didn't know about myself-"

queen shit.

she wants to fit in so bad!!! she wants friends!!! she is my sad little meow meow!! she wants to become a reporter probably because her momma would tell her about how she use to work on the school newspaper!! And her momma would be so proud of her if she became a big time reporter!!🥺

she is so desperate to fit in, she's so ashamed that shes not real royalty like all her friends are that she feels she has to lie about it, and in blondie branches out where she tells a slightly more accurate version of her family and apple calls it a just right royal story, she's so happy and she looks so sweet!! she needs some validation babes!!!

she just wants friends!! the way she lies about her lineage is always to try to get the other royals to like her, she thinks she has to be like them for them to want to be her friends!! there's a hierarchy in ever after high that gets more detail in the books, royalty gets treated like celebrities with specialty seating and other perks. blondie is like every child who grew up in a fancy school when your family didn't have much, you see your friends constantly going on about their big house with a pool or the new shoes that cost more than your entire wardrobe and you start to feel alienated from the group. once more she needs some validation!!! help my girlie out!!!!

and the way she breaks into the bears homes, she believes they're her friends. so to her its fine to come over and ask momma if she has anything to eat, and the bears themselves don't really tell her to her face that shes not welcome. it seems baby bears outburst is the first time the bears have openly reacted negatively to her presence and blondie just thinks it was something to do with the other girls.

onto our big boy: BLONDIE IS SO FUCKING DISABLED CODED.

she cant understand social cues and is a perfectionist, her special interest is her show, she is picky when it comes to food preferring her safe food of porridge. this girl is a dead ringer for a bitch on the spectrum (this is coming from a bitch on many specrtrums including the autistic one) the thing is what i hate most is that when people hate on blondie, they're hating her for her neurodivergent traits. they might not realize it but that's completely what it is. "she's nosy and rude" she doesn't understand that what she is doing is rude, she cant tell when she crosses a line, i have done shit like that so many times like saying things i see as true and upsetting the other person and not realizing why.

she also has very strong signs of adhd with how much and how fast she talks and her lack of focus as shown in just sweet, just sweet shows these traits so perfectly, it was the episode that truly made it clear that this girl isn't neurotypical at all. i feel people call her annoying because of this, she talks so much and pair that with her autistic traits and she becomes unlikable for so many, but she's such a sweet girl underneath, there's a reason people still willingly hang out with her and that's because despite the fact she has these traits that come off as negative. she's still a kind girl happy to help her friends, she refuses to out ashlynns and hunters relationship because she can recognize that would be mean to her friends, she accepts helping raven out despite the fact her and the rebel haven't always been on the best terms, she invites poppy to the blue moon forest fest and is implied to help holly with picking locked doors enough for holly to consider her a close friend.

blondie is not your typical perfect character like so many of the cast is, but that's a good thing because if she was then she would just be another background character to forget about. she has her own personality and she has her own interests, she is one of the most neurodivergent coded characters in the series.

did i mention this girl has to be a woman enjoyer? because i swear she has to be- at some point she has to realize that maybe her extreme pickiness when it comes to boys is less about that individual not being just right but instead boys as a whole not being just right for her. do i need to show the heart eyes picture again?

[tea-and-secrets]

would it be ok to ask that this one is posted soon? i could use reassurance about it if thats alright? things are just... really hard.

im trying to come to terms with the fact that im going to be disabled for the rest of my life. i accept that im disabled *now,* but i have a degenerative disease, its not going to just stop being there. its going to keep getting worse slowly over time.

its especially hard because... even now i cant do my favorite hobby, rockhounding, because i cant bend without risking falling, i cant get on the ground to pick things up and/or dig because i wouldnt be able to get up on my own, and i cant navigate most off-road areas where the rocks im interested in are most often found.

i also desperately want to be a geologist. but i wanted more than anything to be doing fieldwork, like going out and taking samples from various areas, making maps of what could be found where based on my samples... that sort of thing. but ill never be able to do it and i have to come to terms with that.

it will get bad enough that i will need a wheelchair at some point in my life too. like, at some point within the next five to ten years.

ill also never be able to pick people up again. my whole life ive prided myself in picking people i love up during hugs, spinning them around, that sort of thing. i especially loved picking up my best friend.

they understand that i cant do that anymore and theyve never expressed sadness over it, but i cant help but think about how delighted theyve always been about me picking them up and spinning or wiggling them during hugs, and how they used to ask multiple times each hangout to be picked up and hugged.

and even if they arent upset about it, *i* am. i want to be able to do what i used to be able to. but i cant. and i never will again.

its just hard, knowing ill never be able to reach my dream career, continue my favorite outdoor hobby, continue giving love to my friends in the ways i like to... theres so much i can no longer do, and so much ill never be able to do again.

its just really hard. i dont want to be this way. but i am and i always will be, and it will get worse even if i do things like meds and physical therapy. those would just delay the collapse of my disease.

im just sad. i dont want to have to come to terms with it. but i have to or else im setting myself up for even more grief.

and its all because my mom wouldnt get me treated when i was injured in my teenage years. that injury going untreated for so long is what caused my degenerative disease to start so early. my mom has it too but she didnt start developing it until her fourties.

and then for years after my injury when talking about my back pain she just kept saying it was because im fat and that it would stop hurting if i lost weight.

which of course sparked the eating disorder i had previously recovered from.

which ive been struggling with now again for years because of that. but i was getting better again.

until now. because my body hurts too bad to get out of bed often enough to eat a healthy amount so im rapidly losing weight and my brain is saying i have to keep going and going.

and, the wheelchair thing... all my friends live and are going to live places with a lot of stairs. and *i* live somewhere with a lot of stairs too. and the doorframes in all these places arent wide enough for a wheelchair, nor are the bathrooms large enough.

its just all so hard to think about. i hate it. i want to get better and heal like a normal person would, not be in pain constantly and get worse like my body is going to.

thank you for listening. sorry for how long this is.

if i could get reassurance in tags or replies that would be really nice. this is all just so hard and i only have a few people i can confide in about it.

<3

[miiilowo]

i feel like theres not a lot of great resources out there so i figured id just ask -- how would you recommend ways of living with/helping out someone else with npd? :)

youre right! most of the time when u look up NPD stuff its "THE ABUSER DISORDER: KNOW HOW TO RECOGNIZE IT AND DISABLE NARC DEFENSES SO THEY CANT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU" which isnt. Great

all it really comes down to is listening to them n addressing their needs if they've communicated them to you. ill try to simplify it so i dont get too into details, though i will likely fail, and most of this advice will be based off my experiences, so idk how much itll apply to whoever ur talking about BUT:

generally (and w me especially) you can safely say that NPD mostly has to do with ego dysregulation. Our [as in myself and people w npd] mental health and general happiness tends to rely on how people perceive us, and if that perception is anything but positive, we feel like poopy doo doo dogshit. we kinda need to be paid attention to in a way that feels meaningful, yknow? compliment them, make sure theyre included in conversations (esp group ones), and try not to ignore em in any way. if youre talking to them and youre busy, for example, make sure you include that detail so they don't feel like youre brushing them aside. stuff like that. if they make art, and you genuinely like it, try going into detail as to why, whether its the colors or linework or what have you. if they write, tell them what you liked about the story or poem, etcetera. Tag them in stuff that reminds you of them if you have their socials, or send them things, show it to them, whatever.

lots of us tend to actually be very insecure, even if it doesn't seem that way, which might be important to keep in mind. sometimes we can get whats referred to as "narc crashes" (im not particularly a fan of the term narc, though theres nothing actually wrong with it, so ill just call it an NPD crash) where for whatever reason, we go from feeling great and secure in our egos and our stability and happiness and security to falling 600 feet down directly into hell no recovery absolutely awful 0% joy 0% light 100% agony. dogs with human teeth screaming at you and shit its really just no good. calling you a dunderhead

they usually (though not always!) come after a high where we feel fantastic, and most commonly the cause of a crash is we get hurt by someone, humiliated, or made to feel lesser in some significant way. for me, they're the worst when i no longer feel confident that people like me, and i become incredibly worried everybody secretly hates me. which is a very very very awful train of thought to be experiencing when you have the "EVERYBODY NEEDS TO LIKE ME NOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW" disorder. so if ur friend seems depressed or upset make sure to ask whats going on and bump up the praise and stuff up a notch. its the best way to recover for Me, at least. crashes dont have a consistent like. timeframe? i think it highly depends on the severity of what happened and whats being done to fix it, though im certainly no psychologist lmao

i feel like when folks w npd Are mean or unfair its because their needs arent being met, theyre doing awful, and they need support so they dont desperately lash out for it. god knows thats the case for me. thats another thing thats important to keep in mind i think

a lot of traits of NPD aren't pretty, and thats just a fact of the matter. its a disorder for a reason and all. even if we dont express the almost inherently negative traits all the time (usually because we are aware they are unfair to other people), its very likely that we are feeling them, and it does erode your brain after a while. The DSM-5 list of traits is probably the best way to go for this, as per this government website:

"A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and with lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood, as indicated by at least five of the following:

Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements, expects to be recognized as superior without actually completing the achievements)

Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, brilliance, beauty, or perfect love.

Believes that they are "special" and can only be understood by or should only associate with other special people (or institutions).[milo note: its hard for me to find something specific to make bold in this definition, but generally, i do not express that i think that i am better than other people even if i think it]

Requires excessive admiration.

Has a sense of entitlement, such as an unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment or compliance with his or her expectations.

Is exploitative and takes advantage of others to achieve their own ends.

Lacks empathy and is unwilling to identify with the needs of others.

Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of them.

Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors and attitudes."

Ive bolded the ones that would negatively affect people that, I, at least, try not to express but still feel, or feel the desire to do, near constantly.

As you can see, thats a pretty hefty chunk of them! I'm sure some people could take problem with every trait listed here, in which case they can suck my whole dick, but those are the ones I've noticed upset people the most, or make relationships the most difficult. I bring these up because if someone does express these, you need to keep in mind it is because of a personality disorder. That doesn't always make them acceptable, and if they are really upsetting, you should talk to them about it, but thats just like. basic relationship shit lmao. just try to be an eensy bit forgiving

Though the MAIN reason I wanted to bring up the traits is due to the 'entitlement/unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment/compliance' one. This can manifest in a whole lot of ways, but it is genuinely infuriating when someone ignores what i want them to do/what ive asked them to do/etc, especially if its for a reason that doesnt 'feel' solid enough, like them just not wanting to do it. it can be incredibly frustrating if someone with npd says they need something from you or want you to do xyz and it doesnt happen, so try your best to listen to them. if you cant do what they desire for whatever reason, make sure thats clear, and why. Most of us will recognize we're being unfair, but will still be mad; Just know its not because of you, its because of the disorder, and most people will not hold it against you because they're aware its unreasonable in some fashion.

i think thats like. the main things when it comes to meeting the needs of someone w NPD. to summarize and dumb it down:

make sure to compliment them in meaningful ways, especially when you really mean it

pay attention to them; try to prioritize them in conversation and such. it feels very nice. dont ignore them for the love of god

keep the crashes in mind, and try to uplift your friend as much as you can. reassure them you care about them, maybe not directly by saying "i care about you" but with your actions in general

listen to them and adapt to their needs as best as you can

remember that if they are being unpleasant its probably because of The Disorder and they are not doing well. dont let anyone be a prick to you but try to be kind. everybody goes through shit

if anyone has anything to add, or if you have any followup questions, feel free to ask ^_^ i very much didn't cover everything here, and again, this is mostly based off of my experience as someone w NPD, and everyone is different to some degree. The most important thing to do is ask about their needs, and try to adapt to them the best you can.

i think thats all i have to say for now tho so. sayanora. if i come up w anything else ill add it in an edit

[legobatman08]

things ive noticed as an able-bodied person while i'm temporarily using a cane due to an illness ^_^

people are such assholes. hate to sound like a boomer but it shows especially with the elder genz/millenials (where i live, at least). like, cant believe i have to say this but JESUS CHRIST don't sit down in the one seat that a person with a cane is approaching!! they probably need to sit down way more than you do!! (very salty abt this bc it happened today in the metro). I've had more 5 year olds offer me their seat than healthy young adults. THOSE types of people only give up their seats when an elderly woman loudly asks "is anybody gonna let 'em sit down?" because they can't be bothered with respecting smbd with a cane but GOD FORBID a 70yr old be disappointed in them

old ladies are either bitter gatekeepers, or the sweetest most accommodating people you'll meet. the weird ones often stare and glare/frown at u bc they can't fathom a reason why a teenager wld be using a mobility aid, and dear god if i have to explain my illness to a hostile sounding elder one more time im going to scream!!!! but there are a lot of nice elderly women who have tried to give up their seat for me or offered help and they're so sweet :D

public transport and most public spaces are actual hell on earth, and not just because of the people. i already knew how inaccessible and hostile the vehicles and architecture are and i was obviously upset about it but experiencing it for yourself is rly smth else oof. why do escalators offer such little stability tf???? feel like there's a high risk of falling everytime i get on one these days

you notice surfaces of floors. slippery floors should be fucking banned oh my god the amount of times my cane has slipped and i almost fell??? god bless asphalt. also, back to escalators, the cane kinda slides along the little lines in the steps, yet another reason why escalators fucking suck

im not just complaining about this because it personally affects me, fuck no, i can handle myself and this isn't my permanent reality. ik that "society is hostile towards disabilities" isn't a new revelation but i've been noticing it a lot more obviously and aoughshhsjjj im gonna shove my cane up yr ass if yr disrespectful to disabled ppl btw

[narzissenkreuz-ordo]

im letting myself upset and self centered abt this for one post before i stop myself but.

i feels not so great putting time to create something and it just.... flops. it gets like a handful of notes and. idk what to do to make my art more palatable for people to actually look and pay attention to me.

i cant draw full colored high detailed anime illustration that i see most often. but my art isnt that bad.... right..?

im tired of rejection after rejection when it comes to zines and other projects but idk how else to put myself out there because obviously just posting my art in tags isnt enough

i know abt the 'notes dont matter! you have to create for yourself!' but i see that mentality mostly from bigger artists and like. lmao. easy for you to say

and i guess part of its because. i have no marketable skills outside of art. im a x2 college dropout and disabled. i can offer nothing else to society besides my shitty drawings and even then i continue to not be good enough

im just tired i dont want to create things ever again

[aw-tysm]

i see people talk about "low support needs" autistics all the time but ive never seen any actual agreement on who falls under that category and im not really comfortable with how willing everyone is to assign that label to strangers on the internet.

ive had a lot of people tell me im obviously low support needs because im not diagnosed, but the reason im not diagnosed is because of medical discrimination. my results were "an autism diagnosis would be applicable for how you scored but we think you lied about your symptoms so we arent diagnosing you."

and ive had people argue that im obviously low support needs because i dont have a caregiver but i dont have a caregiver because im not diagnosed because of medical discrimination? i am still totally reliant on my loved ones for survival. i just dont have an actual official caregiver because i am being severely medically neglected.

it just feels like the conversation around autism is being dominated exclusively by heavily medicalized autistic people and that scares me because some of the most vulnerable autistic people are those who never get diagnosed because of medical discrimination.

and like. the way everyone talks about masking makes me uncomfortable because everyone acts like they all know what "masking" is but everything i hear about it makes me more confused and upset. people keep talking about it like its some special ability that makes you less vulnerable and that makes me feel like i cant possibly be masking then because i am not less vulnerable.

i just. i have brain damage and supposedly "mid/high" support needs autistics on here keep literally calling me retarded because i dont agree with them calling me "low support needs" and so im just. wary of treating these labels as gospel.

it feels like there is literally no room in the autism community for those of us who are anti-psych because of trauma with the medical system. i dont even want a diagnosis anymore, theyre going to use it to strip away my autonomy even more. and that makes me too scared to feel safe around other autistic people.

i want to keep following you but im starting to not feel safe because you say a lot of the same things as the people who mock me for not wanting to be called "low support needs" when im. literally not?

I'm not sure how to answer this ask or even if I should answer this ask. But I'll answer it anyways.

Support needs and levels (depending where you are) for autism specifically, are usually determined by professionals. Not from the individual. There is no set standard across the globe for diagnosing these and it is one of the things a lot of us autistics find very frustrating. These can fluctuate over your life time but not on a daily basis. In the sense that general support needs for everyone can fluctuate on a daily basis, but autism support needs/levels aren't based on that.

I do know that you can use support need labels for other disabilities too. But that's not something I'm too knowledgable on to speak on.

Masking is essentially just your ability to fit in, to camouflage, to appear socially appropriate. It usually invloves holding back stimming, using scripting for conversations, trying to make eye contact, matching facial and body expressions, matching tone of voice appropriately to the conversation, trying to match emotions appropriately to the situation like laughing when others laugh. It's literally about appearing socially appropriate whilst holding back the things we naturally do that aren't considered "appropriate".

A caregiver does not have to be someone that is paid to care for you. A caregiver in a lot of cases can also just be a loved one like a parent. For example, my mum takes me to my appointments, she drives me other places like shops or outings, she speaks up on my behalf when I can't speak or when I don't unerstand things, she is an authority on all my accounts so she can deal with the parts I find difficult, she helps me fill out forms, etc.. She is considered a caregiver and does not get paid for it. So I'm not quite sure what you're talking about there.

You mention that you have brain damage? Is that diagnosed? Brain damage can look a lot like autism but not be autism. Sometimes autism can be misdiagnosed when it's actually brain damage (have a person in my life who has this issue currently). And sure you can have both. But I mention it, because if the kind you have has the ability to mimic autism symptoms and you're already diagnosed with that, can you not get help with some of that at least? This also is included in support needs for disability too? Bcus it's still a disability? I'm not entirely sure on how the processes work around that so my questions here are genuine.

A lot of the autism community is dominated by the voices of lower support needs autistics. The kind of autistics who don't believe autism is a disorder, that it's only a difference. Who think that only societal accommodations are what we need. Who don't believe in severity. Who want to de-medicalise autism. Who are heavily spreading around misinformation. Who are literally biting themselves in their own butts due to this.

And then higher support needs autistics have to step up to try and set things right. A lot of us aren't one model over the others (like social vs medical). A lot of us believe many models need to work together in tandem to help autistics get the best kinds of supports and treatments we need. But we still need the medical model in this. We can't scrap one model over another.

A lot of higher support needs autistics are CONSTANTLY fighting for lower support needs autistics. Who are constantly saying that they ALSO NEED help and support. That they deserve to have that help and support. They're constantly reminding lower support needs autistics that they will still have struggles and that's okay. But it is so important to also acknowledge that there is a spectrum and there is severity in the spectrum where some autistics will need far more support and to a greater extent than other autistics (for autism alone even), and that's also okay.

You say that the conversation around autism is "dominated by heavily medicalized autistic people". But it's not? What you're seeing is autistics trying to speak up for ourselves because there's a big portion of the community that is causing more harm than good.

And heavily medicalised autistics? Are you referring to those who didn't have a choice in diagnosis? Those of us who had no choice but to get diagnosis because if we didn't we'd be far worse off? Those of us who are forced to give up some of our autonomy or rights due to the accommodations and supports a diagnosis gives far outweighing the cons of diagnosis?

And this isn't to invalidate those who are really struggling to get diagnosis. That is a whole thing a lot of us want fixed as well. A lot of us want easier and cheaper access to diagnosis. Easier and cheaper access to accommodations and support. We want standardised testing across the world and we want professionals to be up to date and properly trained. Most of us acknolwedge that these things are a big problem.

And if this ask is more in reference from that post I made about masking? I like to make note of struggles that lower support needs autistics can also face. As it is so incredibly important to know that they are still seen, that their struggles are valid, and that there's nothing wrong with them just because some online autistics are trying to push them out of their level/support needs.

I'm literally not claiming the support needs or levels of others? Or at least I don't think I am? So I'm not even sure what this ask is about. All I want is for others to know that they're not broken or invisible and that there struggles are valid even within the support needs/levels they have. That's literally not a bad thing?

I hope this makes sense. I know sometimes I can get all my thoughts muddled up or I might not say something the way I mean.

[velaralilas]

an onryo main talks about the onryo rework

(behavior interactive)

the time has finally come! Sadako finally got an update in DBD and im here to talk about it.

overall, these changes are amazing. i think after this update is released, Sadako will finally move up the killer tier list (though she will always be S tier in my heart ♡ ). though i dont play killer all that much anymore, i still find myself going back and making sure i still got it.

i will be going over each point from behaviors blog post individually to ease confusion- also, they talk about reworking her add-ons as well but didnt disclose which ones they were working on.

projection

Projecting to a TV now applies ¾ of a stack of Condemned to all Survivors not carrying a Cursed Tape (was 1 stack to nearby Survivors).

this is the only one i don't understand why they changed it. i think keeping the projecting stack at 1 is fine- as it doesn't affect survivors unless you're projecting constantly. i do like that now it affects all survivors instead of those around the tv you project to.

The time a TV is disabled after The Onryo Projects to it has been reduced to 70 seconds (was 100 seconds). This can be further reduced using Add-ons.

THANK YOU BHVR OMG. this has been a needed change for a while. even if it was reduced to 80-85 i would have been happy. waiting so long for a tv to turn back on is frustrating, especially if you know survivors are working on a gen near that specific tv.

The time a TV is disabled after a Survivor removes the Cursed Tape has been increased to 90 seconds (was 60 seconds).

THANK YOU AGAIN BHVR. it never made sense (to me) why survivors turning off tvs had them off shorter than when you projecting to them. this also provides some sense of security to survivors working on gens and reduces the amount of time they have to work on turning tvs off.

Projection now has a 15 second cooldown. Since there is no longer a range limit on the Condemned effect, we need to limit how frequently this can happen.

am i upset about this? yes, but also no. my play-style doesnt include me teleporting constantly, but having a cooldown is nice to have so you can plot where to project next.

cursed tapes

Getting hit with a Basic Attack while carrying a Cursed Tape will apply one stack of Condemned.

WHERE WAS THIS WHEN SADAKO DROPPED?? THIS MAKES SO MUCH SENSE. and now carrying a tape is so much more lethal than it was before.

When a Survivor carrying a Cursed Tape is hooked, all other Survivors gain one stack of Condemned and the Tape is destroyed.

JKFHAOFHAOHFIU AGAIN WHERE WAS THIS???? the tape being destroyed is also nice, since when survivors get unhooked they run to get rid of their tape.

Holding a Cursed Tape no longer passively builds Condemned.

hot take: this shoudnt have been in the game in the first place. most survivors keep the tape until they're at 6 stacks then get rid of it anyway (its me. im survivors.)

Cursed Tapes can now be placed in any TV other than the one they were retrieved from.

thats all. i just want to be outplayed by survivors. though i can understand why they had the original mechanic in the game originally. this also provides a sense of safety if multiple survivors are working on a gen.

demanifistation

The Onryo can no longer be stunned while Demanifested.

i have to see how this works before i place a final judgement on it. do we just eat the palette? do we walk through it? LIKE WHAT HAPPENS?????

Chases are prevented when Demanifested, making it more difficult to keep track of The Onryo’s position.

this is the same as other stealth killers (wraith), so i have no real issue with this change. its also nice that survivors wont know you're there due to the chase music playing

Demanifesting now removes Bloodlust, similar to other Killer Powers.

again, its the same as other killers, so i dont really care about this one.

this rework is amazing! i cant wait for this to go live. i might have to stop playing survivor when it does. one thing i want is more cosmetics but other than that this is everything i could ask for.

[winderlylandchime]

The Man, the Myth, the Legend is tired and in pain but that’s his own fault and you will see why: ‘OH HOT GUY ALERT! Emmett..baby..he is wearing denim on denim with a leather jacket, if that doesn’t scream gay, idk what does. GAY! WHAT DID I SAY!’ He just paused the episode and walked to the tv to look at Justins art ‘THATS bc you accepted a boy who wasn’t beaten yet. So of course his work was different, sherlock! Now stop being a prick and let my boy draw on his computer! We expect our students to what now? What did he just say about excelling at everything? Just bc he’s disabled doesn’t mean he won’t be amazing?! Oh just say you don’t accept disabled people you old fart! Fuck you and your tradition! I hate this clown..oh i guess the clown has some brain after all!..BRIAN! Dont put any ideas in his head.. oh he wants him to succeed and be the best and do good and this is a lot to handle on so many pain meds’ ‘why is linds being a bitch? Since when is she so uptight? Oh, the silence is LOUD…BRIAN WILL YOU GRAB THAT AND THEN HE JUST DOES? OH HE IS GONE. THAT MAN IS IN LOVE! HE IS SO IN LOVE AND NOBODY EXCEPT ME FOR SOME REASON SEES THIS *looks at me like he just realized im there too* can you see it?!’ ‘Okay dudes, that was not chill! You don’t do that to your friends. It’s fun to be jokey but that was not cool, yall are better than that…are you tho? MICHAEL BET 5 WEEKS?! i guess people do change. Tell them debbie! At least she gets it, even if she only gets it once every 17 episodes’…‘Ben better be better than David. Oh is he gonna be the one..i mean he’s asking him to talk about comics..david hid them. I hated that. Okay Benny boy, you can stick around, I’ll allow it but you get 3 strikes!’ ‘Okay goatee dude, chill the fuck out. People are allowed to have relationships and still be the hottest thing around. Don’t make him self conscious, i have worked overtime to try and get him to admit to being in love! DONT RUIN THIS FOR ME!….NOOOO HE RUINED IT FOR ME!…MICHAEL! WHAT THE FUCK MICHAEL WHO JUST SAYS THAT TO A PERSON? Just when i was about to be in your corner, someone please hit him! You cant just say fucked up shit and then say sorry! Thats not how that works!’ Then he felt bad for Mikey bc of the school thing and then he hated that he felt bad bc hes mad at him ‘Oh we are getting hot and HEAVY! Bri Bri, i am impressed! You knew he was upset and why! Oh so that guy was nothing but Justin is something? MY DUDES WE SERIOUSLY NEED TO LEARN HOW TO TALK. Aww he doesn’t want Brian to change. Now that’s love! Oh COME ON, I CANT FUCKING WIN EVEN FOR A MINUTE! Im a good person, i deserve good stuff, throw me a bone ffs’ ‘aw Benny boy is listening! Oh he is way better than david! If youre the one, you can stay! Just do me a favor and make mike more tolerable, i am begging for the sake of my well being..that was sweet mike, now give me brian and justin again!’ He had to go and take his last dose of pills for today and he just looked at the ceiling and flapped his arms around while making no noise at all, so id say he’s handling it well. ‘Listen, i am 100% straight. But THIS *points to a paused screen of Brian in the green light in the beginning of the non confession scene* is one beautiful man! I AM INTRIGUED And I would not mind him hitting on me.’ I made a comment that he is now 54 years old to which he puts his hand up in my face and goes ‘I’ll get back to you on that’ and just continued to watch. 1/2 of 2x06

Dear sweet anon - I am SCREAMING over him asking if you see that Brian is in love too. Yes, Brother Anon, that's why we're all here 20 years later. Still sobbing over them.

And yes, Gale Harold is the most beautiful man to ever man. I have a straight crush on him and even at 54 he could get it. The green light scene is one of my favorite. UGH that profile.

[juni-ravenhall]

tw: really bad depression etc dont read if sensitive. (tw tagged)

its messed up how a couple days ago i had one of my absolute worst depression days compared to previous months and was more or less suicidal again (for the duration of that day). then yesterday and today i felt way more normal human person than usual (its extremely rare for me to feel "almost normal" like not severely apathetic and severely depressed and severely unhappy and severely unmotivated to be alive or to do anything etc, combined with being in chronic pain and feeling physically sick etc).

im exhausted and sick today so i cant rly do anything but my mental state is about the same as yesterday aka... emotionally i feel kinda okay. im upset about not being able to do anything ever, but thats a thing i just have to feel every day in general and not specific to today. other than that i feel kinda okay. i feel like i would be cleaning and doing other tasks i need to do if i wasnt too physically exhausted, bc i have motivation to do (small) things rn, and yesterday when i was less exhausted i did get a bunch of stuff done.

its really really crazy experiencing not-apathy. i really dont know how to describe what its like to go between the suicidal apathy to "hey i almost feel like a normal person today aside from the physical stuff". (but as a note, its not "improvement" or that im "getting better" bc if youre suicidal 3 days ago and then have 2 okayish days its just... not long enough to be proof of a consistent change)

im doing some changes lately in that ive been trying to quit eating candy (chocolate is my self-treatment drug since the swedish healthcare system doesnt even try to help me most the time and the only thing aside from my gf that numbs the pain is chocolate) and im maybe a week or a bit more than a week into being chocolate free for this round. usually my mental health crashes for any reason after a few months and i go back on it, but at least i made it through one suicidal day without going back on it so far. if i can eventually stick to a healthy diet without much sugar, i hope that might help some of my other symptoms, but its hard to get to that point alone without money or support when youre disabled. (aka fuck the healthcare and wellfare systems)

[cartoonrival]

will i need ur professional opinion on this what do you think the archie sonic status quo wouldve looked like post mecha sally deroboticization. since the freedom fighters are basically as good as disbanded anyways that would leave sonic with a similar lack of direction like when robotnik died but the world tour gimmick was kind of done with team fighters anyways so doing it again would feel stale. and i know eggman is still there but i cant really see him being the main big bad like he used to before bc the mobotropolis shield thing kind of halts any eggman plots in their tracks. so unless something with the city changes eggman isnt really as much of a looming presence like he used to be so idrk what the central conflict wouldve been had preboot been allowed to go on <- guy who doesnt watch bumblekast

my brain is kind of on a different wavelength rn but i wouldn't say the ffs are fully disbanded considering the circumstances that led to the split to begin with. if sally and bunnie both came back and antoine woke up (all of which would presumably happen, i think antoine SHOULD be disabled but idk if he would be, maybe he'd get partially roboticized to regain some mobility which i think could do well for his relationship with bunnie considering she always hated that she was partially roboticized and antoine always loved her for it, and now the person she loves most in the world is also that way. so its harder to hate herself about it because she realizes that she loves antoine just the same) then the team would essentially be reassembled. i also kind of assumed bunnie went to beaux asking to be legionized after antoine's coma, i dont remember where i got that idea though and if it was confirmed or not. cool if true though. but anyways that would mean shes also back in fighting trim.

mecha sally was def like you said one of the Big Arcs that causes a really really serious upset, so i'd figure immediately post would be a lot of really lax stuff, little character stories and things, and yeah probably sonic getting antsy about not having anything to do. tho ofc considering comic and game series story trends, i figure they wouldnt Kill robotnik or anything, he would just kind of be put out of commission for a long while in one way or another. the next arc would probably focus on some otherworldly threat instead of eggman, sort of like the gaia situation in reboot/unleashed. just to give eggman a break and feel less like But wait he isnt dead! eggman surprise. yk. but i mean even if it seems like theres no possible way for eggman to become a problem again, he always will because he is the main antagonist and the story can't really go on without him and still call itself sonic.

also also since im pretty sure a lot of the hurried cleanup regarding the echidnas was directly related to the incoming reboot and the lawsuit, a lot of that probably would not have happened. which means that the dark legion would still exist as a threat even if eggman was gone. if eggman died lien-da would GLADLY step up to the plate

[dykeyote]

AUTISM N OCD JEDDIE HCS 👀 <- normal about him

YES YES YES YES YES I WAS HOPING SOMEONE WOULD ASK ABOUT THOSE ..... >:))

okay starting with autism . there is NO WAY IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD that fucker doesnt have a special interest on video games theres just no way . i think hes had a spinterest on the medium broadly for SEVERAL years but it yas like . Subhyperfocuses on specific games and series which shifts a lot . for example it was skyrim in college and hes had an on again off again special interest on sonic for most of his life . also he has a special interest in math because i do too and i get to hashtag project

hes VERY much undiagnosed i think . i think he RELATES to a lot of the things sydney experiences and the autistic traits he has but because he doesnt relate to Everything both because autism demonstrates differently in everyone plus sydney has more immediate support needs as well as other disorders and disabilities he kinda is like . ok so im not autistic bc im not exactly like sydney . i think he has some internalized ableism to work thru

i think he stims by pacing his office a lot (: he also flutters his hands when hes nervous or excited and i think he finds clicking his tongue in time with the clocks in his office to be a relaxing stim for when hes upset. he also claps his hands when hes happy and rocks back and forth a lot ESPECIALLY when hes in an infodump

i think she scripts a good deal like she has Specific Phrases that she relies on for hard social interactions . a canon one being the phrase Untenable Circumstances . he doesnt script Whole Interactions but i think for stressful things or abrupt changes she has specific little scripts like for the opposite day ep scripting is a backup plan for him in times of distress

i think that understanding that shes autistic and undoing a lot of her internalized ableism actually helps her and sydney become a lot closer and have tehir relationship be a lot better (: they r autistic4autistic and it deepens their love for each other because of the way they understand each other on a deeper level <3 love wins

using discussing COMORBIDITY as a good segue between ocd and autism here . i think he is DEEPLY DEEPLY reliant on a routine she cant handle large changes theyre really upsetting for him they tend to lash out with frustration which they then feel badly about bc its not like hes actually Angry hes just panicking . this is another thing about the opposite day ep that was SOO autsim coded

okay so now ocd stuff IN PARTICULAR . i think a common loop he gets stuck in is just . staring at his clocks until it hits a SPECIFIC certain time like 11:11 or 12:24 or 10:01 or something like that and if he blinks when it hit that time he has to start over again with a NEW time on the dot . he gets stuck like that a lot ESPECIALLY when hes anxious a good bit of the time he spends locked in his office is just him staring at his clocks . tangentially i do think that her ocd gets SIGNIFICANTLY worse when she does her avoidant thing i think its a self feeding cycle where the mor she avoids the worse her symptoms are and vice versa . seek therapy miss martin <3 

ALSO . THIS IS A THING THATS CONSISTENT IN HIS ARC ITS A MAJOR PART OF WHY HES MY BIGGEST OCD HC . HE HAS THE OCD GUILT . like he gets that feeling where you get so obsessed with ur own guilt that you engage in compulsions to ease it or obsessively resolve it somehow in ways that are totally unhelpful or Alternatively obsessively avoid it hes got that going on to EXTREME DEGREES and i think it would influence the way she acts in the show

i think sydney knows a lot of jedidiahs rituals and tries to make them a little easier on him . small things that he doesnt usually bring up to her but if shes staring at the clock he wont interrupt her until she finishes UNLESS shes been staring at the clocks for hours in which case hell try and distract her a little bit (:

i think she used to have a LOT of religious obsessions when he was younger but theyve gone away a bit now that hes less entrenched in christianity . like he strikes me as the type who used to have a lot of religious morality obsessions as a kid but as he grew up those morality obsessions sorta Changed Shape and became more along the lines of just plain guilt obsession like i mentioned about earlier

once more projecting my ocd obsessions . jeddy has a BIG fear of immobility she jerks her hands and her arms around sometimes just to check that he still can move about freely its a very big fear of hers . she has a har dtime falling asleep sometimes because she keeps doing liil checks that her bodys still moving . sydney snuggling with her is a good distraction and grounding though (: 

SORRY I WENT ON A WHOLE RAMBLE . I AM INSANE ABOUT HIM

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

(hope no one is mad I used the the one time turn) do people with aspd have no feelings? If they do not have feelings, what exactly does that… feel like?

i knew itd be about emotions 😭 aight everyone pack it in time for me to answer the one allotted offensive question

i have feelings! i talk about them... quite a lot on this blog haha. but the way i feel them is different. a Lot different

the main way i feel is that my body will perform the physiological response to an emotion, but i won't feel it. for instance: i'll smile without feeling happy. cry without feeling sad. tremble and tense and have chest pains without feeling anxious.

it makes it... very hard to identify ptsd triggers.

but i DO feel emotions! they come easier late at night, and there are some things that make me sad without fail, but they ARE there and i can feel the genuine emotion sometimes, it just takes a LOT to get me there.

anger comes easy. one might say too easy :(

i can also.. force it? i think its because im a) a writer who b) loves analysis? but if i think REALLY SUPER HARD abt it ill get sad. i need a poignant line to do it tho

but its usually shit i get sad about usually, like pet loss or the loss of freedom that comes with disability or the inherent isolation of being differrent

sometimes i think about how i'm doomed to be fundamentally isolated forever and i feel emptier than i usually do.

but when people say "i feel bad for hurting you," i didnt know that was a real thing, haha. i feel bad but its either a reputation thing or a "crap. i gotta fix this mistake i made" thing. ofc i LOGICALLY know that i did a bad thing to my friend and that was wrong and i made them upset, but i cant seem to care much. and if i do, its easy for me to justify whatever it is ive done. i didnt know people ACTUALLY felt bad for hurting people! it caused a LOT of undue anger to my fiance, because i thought he was just pacifying me whenever he said that. turns out he was completely genuine. whoops :(

so my emotions are definetley different from most! and due to aspd stereotypes i feel the urge to continue to distance myself from them in order to be a "real sociopath" and not get fakeclaimed. but they ARE there!

also you dont actually need dulled emotions to have aspd, haha. its not in the dsm OR icd criteria! its just a symptom many people with aspd have in common, but its not required for diagnosis. the "sociopaths have no emotions" thing is mainly bullshit peddled by sensationalized media and pop psychology

(sidenote, sometimes i think about how having low/no empathy isnt required either. i def do have low empathy but... its just one symptom... you dont need all the symptoms.... wild... idk it just makes me have a think sometimes cuz damn)

[jentlemahae]

hi sophie i took a break from studying to do sth that made me so mad and i had to share this because its so upsetting i got curious so i checked treasure discography to see how long it is and they have 20 tracks including a japanese "original" (which im still upset that bp dont have original japanese songs) and they debuted in 2020 and bp debuted in 2016 and have 38 tracks including solos and collabs and if we take away those we have 31 tracks !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is insane do people realize how insane this is 31 tracks please 31 songs is considered a deluxe album for ts like they're 6 years old i dont understand how they're successful tbh lol sorry i love them so much too but its truly baffling when you thing about it (winner's debut album has 10 songs their latest ep is 20mn long which is almost the length of born pink) i feel sorry for their next girl group but i guess they'll be rich and famous so who am i to speak anyway here for disablement and full albums from the girls cant wait also i hope yg sinks and disappears and gets burned to the ground

hope you're having a nice day !!! and good luck for your exam <33

i know !!!!!! them being THAT famous honestly does not make sense 😭😭 like yes they’re lovely and talented and make nice music but there’s other groups who check those boxes AND don’t have their own management holding them back AND release a decent amount of music and content ? bp’s is hard carried by the girls themselves bcs if they only their music they wouldn’t make it (bcs of its quantity, not its quality btw) 🥴 i genuinely hope most of their female trainees have left bcs mark my words, they are likely not gonna get treated much better ……

and thank youuu i hope you’re having a lovely day as well!! 🫶🏻🥰

[tevura]

my lil sis told me she hates me and that im a manipulative cunt, whom she will never speak to again once she moves out in a month.

i asked her to help me go to the store so i could buy a vacuum ive saved up for, in which she agreed to at first, then withdrew and then getting mad at me for being worried and questioning why she changed her mind. why? because i spoke to her in the wrong tone when hanging up the first time.

the way i have tried so hard to be kind, supportive and understanding. i have been the first and most constant in supporting her since day 1 in transitioning, i have extended her so much like grace in certain situations despite struggling myself. i have cleaned up after her, cooked her so many dinners, helped mediate in her arguments with her friends to ensure she is not alone again. helped her sort out her words to advocate for herself. i have been eternally patient. in her eyes i am dumb and hysterical, despite the fact that i give the same advice as my father when needed, but it is devoid when it comes out of my mouth. i am a mastermind manipulator and the world's greatest idiot at the same time. i have helped her clean her prev flat when it was filled with trash up to the knees 3 times in 6 months. i helped her move departments at work, smooth out the starting phase so she could get the good shifts. i challenged her when she almost went off the alt right pipeline before understanding she was trans, talking her out of it. i have been there for her since i were 5 and she 3, having her back since our mother died. through everything.

only to get slammed in the face with the door for holding her accountable or for trying to reach compromises that allows me to be accommodated for once.

i understand that she is not doing well mentally, but she has worn me to the bone and still insults me when i get upset. i am not allowed to possess the same traits of disability as her, because then i am manipulating and being selfish.

i cant even have friends over anymore, because her mess has taken over the entire apartment. i am too exhausted to clean things enough from working full time while doing most of the housework.