#I get tk is emotional too but he went a bit far

[captaingatwa]

tk is so far out of line here

[heyclickadee]

Things about "The Outpost" that are still killing me:

1. That airstrip was huge. And by the time we see Mayday and Crosshair on it they've been walking across it for a while, at the rate they’re going. The TK troopers don't see them at first, but once they do, they gather, see this:

These two men, barely on their feet, clearly in pain, one of them unable to keep holding on to his crutch anymore, staggering towards them inch by inch, looking towards them for help--not a single one of the TK troopers offers any kind of assistance whatsoever. No one calls for a medic, no one rushes forward to carry Mayday. They all just stand there and watch. And when Nolan tells them to go, they do, because they probably don't see the clones that differently than Nolan does.  

Yeah, Lieutenant Nolan is an asshole. He went from, "I'm probably going to dislike this guy," to, "LOATHE," in my book with a single line. He's a pathetic officer-wannabe who genuinely thinks of the clones as machinery he can push around and direct how he likes. He doesn't see the problem with kicking around someone like Mayday--someone who technically outranks him, I think--or the danger inherent in goading someone like Crosshair, because he doesn't see either of them as reasoning, emotion-having people who may just retaliate if pushed far enough. He's a snake and he deserved what he got. But his malice is more than matched by the TK troopers' apathy.

2. The way that there's ice and snow frozen to Crosshair's armor on the landing strip, and the fact that Mayday can't quite make it to the end of the tarmac, nor is Crosshair able to continue carrying him. They're both so cold and tired. They've both hit their physical limit and it would have been enough if anyone had cared to help.

3. Crosshair is--literally--stripped of everything that marks him as an imperial soldier or a soldier at all by the end of the episode, and most of it is stuff he casts aside himself. His CT number (in a way, when he gives Mayday his name), his helmet that he doesn't even look for (there as SO MANY good helmet metas out there, so I'm not going to get into it), his rifle (which he gives to Mayday to use as a crutch and doesn't retrieve when Mayday drops it), his backpack (I'm guessing it got too heavy so he threw it away to keep carrying Mayday), and even his armor, reflection mirror...sticker...things, and sidepiece (all of which are taken from him after he blacks out. I'm not real happy about the fact that the scientists at Mount Tantiss changed his clothes while he was unconscious). Of course, the last few function a little bit differently than they first ones do. The CT number, the helmet, the rifle, and I guess (?) even the backpack (though to a much lesser extent) are all Crosshair intentionally putting his imperial identity aside in order to help someone he sees as a brother and re-humanizing himself in the process. The last couple--the armor, the sidepiece--that's the writers telling us how vulnerable Crosshair is in his current situation.

4. The SNOW and the way it interacted with the CHARACTERS was just *chef's kiss* Credit to Joel Aron and the effects department, you guys knocked it out of the park.

5. Likewise, while I'm really glad The Bad Batch does list the names of the animators at CGCG who worked on each episode in the credits (because guess what--not every animated show does this. Sometimes they just list the name of the studio), I really want to know which animators were responsible for animating Crosshair this time around. Or at least Crosshair's shots, since the way I think it often works is that an animator will be assigned a series of shots and be responsible for animating everyone in those shots, because oh boy, was that a performance. Crosshair's animation has always been standout, I think partly (partly) because he's a character that doesn't actually talk that much, and says stuff he doesn't mean at least half the time, so there has to be a certain level of clarity and nuance in his performance for the character comes across the way the writers intend (and partly because being an ultra-expressive but taciturn bundle of emotions is a big part of Crosshair as a person). But the team working on this episode took something that was already great and kicked it up another level.

6. I want to know if Jennifer Corbett, the board artists, layout artists, the other writers, the directors, and others high-fived each other when they came up with the ice vulture symbolism and the rock-wings shot. I want to know if they knew we'd go crazy over it.

7. Mayday. Literally everything about Mayday. Mayday my beloved. *cries*

8. The look on Crosshair's face when he's about to pass out and sees the TK troopers coming still messes me up, because it's the closest thing we've gotten to a real smile (one that actually reaches his eyes) pretty much since he was teasing Echo in the med bay in "Aftermath." Crosshair's someone who's come across as to me passively suicidal since the moment he turned around after the droid fight in "Return to Kamino" and saw Hunter and the rest pointing their guns at him. Passively--meaning that he's not going to actually do anything, that he doesn't actually want to die, he’ll survive however he can, but that he's not exactly planning for the future, either. He'll just keep doing what he's doing until it (almost definitely) kills him. And. I mean. Crosshair's not stupid. He knows what killing Lieutenant Nolan means for him. I'm not saying that Crosshair didn't expect to wake up afterwards, or that he wanted to not wake up, but I am saying that he did decide that avenging Mayday and defying the Empire in whatever small way he could was worth dying for. And that he was very, very tired.

9. I'm so! Glad! That Crosshair's growth wasn't centered around Omega, Wrecker, Tech, Hunter, or Echo. We already know that he cares about them. Showing us the lengths he'll go to help a relative stranger instead and making that his breaking point does so much more to tell us that he's grown.

10. The thing that sticks with me most, though, is the fact that this episode wasn't just sad. It wasn't just unrelenting tragedy, or even like "The Solitary Clone," where overriding emotion of the whole episode is despair. I mean, yes, this episode is sad. It's tragic. You have Lieutenant Nolan's cruelty, you have the malice of the Empire, you have the apathy of the TK troopers, the dehumanization of the clones, the soul-crushing way in which Mayday and Crosshair find out that the clones were always going to be replaced, that inevitability, the futility (on one level) struggle that ends in Mayday's death. 

But it's not just that. There's warmth, too. There's camraderie and a little bit of humor. Mayday, a survivor starting to see how pointless it all was, and Crosshair, who's so desperate for companionship at this point that he'd pack bond with a rock, snark back and forth at each other a little bit like old friends. Heck, this is the episode where we get the most profound act of compassion we've seen in the show so far. Mayday didn't have to disarm that mine and save Crosshair, but he did, and it matters. No, Mayday didn't make it, but Crosshair carried him through a blizzard for two days and made sure he didn't get left behind or die alone, even if he couldn't save him, and that matters. Yes, Crosshair's a prisoner now, but he chose to avenge Mayday, grab hold of his own humanity again, and told the Empire where to stuff it, and that matters. Kindness and defiance have their own meaning, even if they don't change the outcome. But the fact that this episode is more than just sad is, I think, why it's so harrowing in the first place.

[deluweil]

Watched the episode, I am so confused.

Probably gonna have to watch it a few more times before I gif it into deep meta posts.

But it was emotional and sweet, and I really loved the Chimney and Hen journey guides.

And I'm pretty sure dream Bobby was more Peter than Bobby, loved it!!

It was clear why Eddie wasn't there and why Bobby was dead in that reality. It was heartbreaking and touching and amusing (angry guy and ghost Bobby),

The end felt a little like "dream a little dream" from spn with the two Evan Buckleys. Hell of a scene, well done Oliver!

I was a little sad and somewhat confused that Buck went to the loft with the stairs, so much for no strenuous activity. (For someone who recovered from surgery in a house with stairs, it's freaking hard.)

At the very least, if not the Diaz household (which was the obvious choice) the Han resistance would have been nice. No stairs, house full of family.

Or the Nash home, Bobby and Athena would have loved to have Buck there for the duration, and no stairs!

I don't know, didn't feel very convincing.

I think I'm happy (is that the word)? That Buck gets his bio parents taking care of him for a while. He wanted that, in his dream world, maybe reality will be kind too for a change.

I love Jennifer's and Oliver's interaction, the affection is so clear.

Eddie and Carla sneaking Christopher to see Buck was such an amazing scene, Eddie’s "I couldn't tell him no." Really got me to tear up. And apparently, Aisha wasn't the only one who teared up. 🥺🥺❤️❤️❤️

Athena's "Wake up!" Was completely reminiscent of TK's mom in LS yelling in his ear (even though there she was completely a dream) to wake up.

Athena is totally Buck's mom. Like May said to Bobby, Athena brought two kids into the marriage, and Bobby brought one. - The best father-daughter scene so far! I loved it!

Eddie will probably get his own mini meta for all that we got to see of him, but the scenes were framed in a hurting spouse waiting for his significant other to wake up, while having to be a functioning adult to their kid.

And Eddie may not have had a full crying scene, but he did cry with Christopher in the room as Christopher talked to Buck.

In 4x14 it was during covid time, Buck couldn't physically be there all the time, I think that what made the difference here.

But I'll be honest, I'm a bit disappointed we didn't get a one on one scene with Eddie talking to Buck.

It felt, like 4x05, that this episode was more Buckley family oriented- the ending, I mean, than Buck returning to his chosen family, who he himself sought out in his coma dream to help him get back.

So it felt nice to see the parents' attempt at redemption, but also a bit forced and a little out of place.

The Buck with the X on the Ley was a foreshadowing for this episode. Dream Bobby tells Buck that he saved him by being Buck.

Being Buck saved Bobby, and it saved Eddie and Christopher. And I am still mad we didn't get to hear those words out of Eddie yet, but for some reason, the writers are holding back on the emotional confessions between those two.

Now Chimney's and Buck’s and for that matter Hen's and Buck’s siblings relationship is all out there to see, hell even Albert's connection to Buck is an obvious annoying (but sweet, I was so happy to see him again!!) little brother role.

Even May, subtly suggesting in this episode, that Buck is sort of a familiar fixture in the Nash household and a sort of brother to her through Bobby's marriage to her mom.

But there is no clear way to describe Buck's and Eddie's relationship because it's not a sibling one. It's way past work partners. Best friends don't act like that (unless they get together eventually), Co-parents? Isn't that a couples thing? It's not platonic, I'll tell you that.

And the fact that we're 6 seasons (5 since Eddie and Christopher joined) in and still have an unclear path written in canon really bugs me sometimes.

But, all and all for a 43-minute episode, it was really good, fun, and tear jerking, I loved all the little markings in the dream, that reminded Buck of core memories (that started with Eddie’s voice, and the tsunami with Christopher. 👀)

I loved this episode and am really waiting for "Recovery".

Oliver said that his caretakers and all the hovering get a bit too much. Now, knowing his parents and Maddie look after him, I can see where this is going to go.

And having already watched the promo, I really hoped Bobby wouldn't get into this much trouble, but sadly, he does, it's very Buck of him, just saying lol like son like father, I guess? 👀❤️

[rafael-silva]

under the sky and stars: a tarlos fic

When Carlos and TK take a weekend off to go camping, the last thing they were prepared for was their mini vacation getting cut short by the untimely activation of what’s said to be TK’s danger magnet.

*

What starts as a peaceful day is turned on its head when TK is hurt during their hike. Cut off from help and with no cell service, Carlos and TK work together to keep the younger man awake and getting the injury under control. They lean on one another, sharing memories, voicing confessions and finding comfort within each other along the way.

for bad things happen bingo: tarlos + cauterizing a wound

hurt tk strand, worried carlos reyes, major character injury, whump, angst, hurt/comfort, emotional/hurt comfort, injury description, softness, kisses, comfort

11.1k | rated T | on ao3

*****

When Carlos and TK take a weekend off to go camping, the last thing they were prepared for was their mini vacation getting cut short by the untimely activation of what’s said to be TK’s danger magnet.

Because, well, camping in the middle of nature, miles away from the city and with fluctuating cell service…what could possibly go wrong?

This particular camping spot was near and dear to Carlos, one of his all-time favorite locations. He’s frequently visited this very spot countless times with his family growing up, setting up their tents together, Carlos and his sisters looking for firewood while hiking and then building the bonfire, laughing and creating many memories along the way.

It had been a while since Carlos went camping there, mostly due to his busy schedule, juggling hectic shifts and long days, along with some days off, so he can spend as much time with TK as possible.

And once he was reminded of that spot by the memories feature from his photos app, popping up a selfie of the Reyes family from a few years prior on a hike, a thought crossed his mind. A very good thought. And he suddenly couldn’t contain his excitement at the possibility lingering in his mind.

He and TK were cuddling on the couch after a mutual exhausting never-ending day, both of them stumbling into their home within ten minutes of each other, weary to theirs bones. After a quick shared shower, they settled on the couch and into each other’s arms, drawing comfort from one another and watched a movie in comfortable silence.

“Have you gone camping before?” Carlos’s voice sliced through the quiet, his tone soft.

TK takes a moment to think, revisiting his own memories before nodding. “Yeah, a couple of times. When I was younger though, went camping in Upstate New York, once with mom and dad and the other time with just dad,” he replied, slightly intrigued by Carlos’s somewhat random question.

“So, there’s this camping spot,” Carlos had started explaining, running a hand up and down TK’s arm. “I used to go there all the time with my parents and sisters, especially growing up. It was kind of our safe haven, it had quickly became our spot and I was thinking that we could go camping there one weekend. I’d love to show it to you and share it with you,” he expressed.

TK moved so he’d face Carlos instead of having his back against the offer’s chest, and there was much emotion written in his features, his green eyes glued to Carlos’s brown ones.

“That place means a lot to me, and you mean so much to me, TK,” Carlos added. “It’s part of who I am, and I want to share everything that I am with you.”

TK’s eyes remained on Carlos, his expression soft.

“Of course, if you’d want to go camping, that is.”

TK lightly chuckled, nodding and moved closer to Carlos. “I’d love to. I mean, I’m not really big on camping, just because it wasn’t super easy to do while living in the city, but I’d do anything with you. Even if we were going to a random spot, I know I’ll love it. And the fact that that spot means so much to you, of course I’d go with you. I look forward to getting to know that side of you, Carlos Reyes.”

Carlos’s face had broken into a big, bright smile, his eyes twinkling. He returned the tender kiss TK brushes to his lips and leans into the paramedic’s touch when TK cupped Carlos’s cheek.

“Besides,” TK began with they separated, “one of us should know what they’re doing when it comes to camping.”

Carlos had nodded, agreeing. “Plus, we’ve both been working so much and so hard lately, I feel like we’re running on fumes and a break could really help us. And nature is a great healer.”

“Nature and love,” TK added before giving Carlos another kiss.

After managing to take the same weekend off, and Carlos calling his father asking to borrow his truck for the trip, Carlos and TK make a list of everything they need for the three days. They split it between them and each get what they’re responsible for by the agreed time.

The weekend approaches quickly to both their delight and that’s when Carlos and TK find themselves on the road, TK’s road trip playlist blasting through the speakers as Austin disappears in the rearview mirror.

And Carlos, Carlos smiles, stealing a quick glance at TK when they stop at a red light. The younger man is so at ease, leaning back against the headrest and Carlos’s heart swells with even more love for him. TK turns to look at Carlos, an identical smile on his face.

Excitement sizzles in Carlos’s stomach at the thought of creating even more memories with TK during this trip, and at one of his favorite places, too. He already starts to feel better, feeling the tension leave his body. Both he and TK had been looking forward to getting some peace, to recharge their energies and to spend more quality time together.

But TK’s said danger magnet was waiting in the corner, getting ready to strike and to throw them both a painful and unexpected curveball.

They arrive at the camping spot a couple of hours later. Carlos parks the truck at the end of the trail and switches off the ignition, excited to be back to this spot. It’s so beautiful that TK pauses his movement to get out of the car, looking through the window and taking it all in.

Carlos hops out, closing the door behind him and stretches his muscles. Their early start had been in their favor, the sun still hanging high in the sky above them, which tells Carlos they’ll have time to set everything up and walk around for a while before it gets dark, too.

TK follows Carlos, gazing around and the amount of green merging with the blue of the sky and the birds twittering around them takes his breath away.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Carlos says, standing by TK’s side.

TK nods. “Absolutely breathtaking.”

“Come on,” Carlos takes TK’s hand and begins walking further into the tree line. “It’s on foot from here, but it’s not too far in. But be careful,” he warns. “Some of the ground is really slippery and there are a lot of hills. Took a tumble once and sprained my ankle, I do not recommend the experience.”

TK tightens his hold on Carlos’s hand as he leads them through bushes, branches and tree barks, closely following Carlos’s trail.

After about an eight minute walk, they reach a clearing with even, dry ground and large open space.

“Here we are,” Carlos announces.

“Wow,” TK says, tilting his head upwards to look at the tall trees above them. They cast a shadow down at the campsite, but don’t completely obscure the sun, its golden light shining through the branches.

TK can feel the history here, the years it took for these tree to grow and flourish like this, and for the first time, he feels one with nature and he welcomes it. He closes his eyes, the soft wind colliding with his face and he draws in a deep breath, relishing in the fresh, clear air.

“It’s like all your worries wash away when you’re here,” Carlos’s voice brings TK back from his thoughts.

“I feel lighter already,” TK agrees.

But the spell is broken when TK groans and shoos away a mosquito. And Carlos mirrors him when he hears buzzing near his ear.

“Bug spray is in the bag, let’s get everything set up and we can walk around for a bit,” Carlos says.

After sending off texts to their parents that they’ve safely arrived (which had taken some time while they searched for a spot with sufficient cell service), it takes Carlos and TK two trips to bring everything they need from the truck to the campsite. They start with setting up the tent in the middle, and TK being completely out of his zone here, helps when Carlos asks, doing exactly what the officer tells him. Carlos is an expert as he works, his muscles and mind working together, knowing exactly what to do and what goes where, not missing a beat. The tent is set up in record time (based on TK’s knowledge and how often people say it takes forever to set up a tent) and TK wears an impressed expression.

Carlos chuckles at the look on TK’s face. “Learned to set it up during the summer I was fourteen. My father had told me and my sisters that we were setting up our own tents that time. It wasn’t easy, it took a lot of time and more than a few collapses, but eventually, the tent held.”

“Well, practice makes perfect,” TK smiles, planting a kiss to Carlos’s cheek.

“And sweat, a lot of sweat,” Carlos adds.

TK chuckles, opening their cooler and takes hold of Carlos’s reusable water bottle, handing it to him.

“Thank you,” Carlos gratefully accepts the bottle and takes a long swing of the cold water.

They move around in unison, TK retrieving the sleeping bag and undoing the zipper so it’s flat and lays it on the ground inside the tent then covers it with their duvet and places their pillows at the head of the tent.

Outside, Carlos arranges their sitting area, gathering the blankets that have been designated for camping. His mother had left them at his place a couple of years back, for whenever he’d take solo trips. He spreads the blankets around where the fire would be built then grabs the foldable chairs, arranging them behind the blankets.

“We have enough time for a walk before it gets dark,” Carlos says when TK emerges from the tent. “Everything else can be set up when we’re back, and we’ll get wood for the fire, too.”

TK nods. “Sounds wonderful, babe.”

Carlos grabs his compass and map, pocketing both for when he’ll need them and takes TK’s hand, and together, they stride into the endless greenery.

*****

The sun is setting when they return to the campsite, each of them carrying an armful of wood.

“These should last until tomorrow,” Carlos says, dropping the logs near the place for the fire.

TK does the same and awaits Carlos’s instructions.

Carlos kneels down and starts arranging the logs then looks up at TK. “Can you grab me the lighter fluid and matches?”

TK nods and goes to retrieve the items. A chill is starting to set in the air around them at the loss of the sun’s warmth and TK can’t wait to get cozy by the fire. He also grabs his hoodie while he’s at it.

He hands Carlos the medium sized bottle of lighter fluid and watches as his boyfriend pours some over the wood. Once he’s closing the bottle, TK lights a match and drops it over the fluid, the fire immediately igniting.

He slips on his hoodie and settles on one of the blankets, looking over his shoulder at Carlos when he hears rummaging from behind.

He smiles when Carlos shows him the bag of marshmallows and wiggles his eyebrows.

“Camping just isn’t proper camping with marshmallows,” Carlos declares as he sits next to TK, the bag in one hand and slim wooden sticks in the other.

He hands TK the bag, who promptly opens it and accepts a stick from Carlos. They both sear a marshmallow through their sticks and hold it over the open fire.

“Now, there’s an art to roasting marshmallows,” Carlos starts. “To get it crispy on the outside and soft on the inside. You can’t hold it too close to the flame and you have to keep rotating it so its evenly roasted.”

TK nods and does his best, but he pouts when the marshmallow completely burns.

“It’s okay, baby, it takes a few tries to get it right,” Carlos reassures him.

TK eats the burnt marshmallow and shrugs. “Soft on the inside though. Well, more like melty. And hot!”

TK tries again and again, and when his fifth marshmallow is still burnt (not as badly as the first one, but still burnt nonetheless), he shakes his head and laughs.

“And I thought I’d be good at this because I used to roast them over the stove growing up,” TK sighs.

Carlos’s eyebrows travel up his forehead and he’s shaking his head. “Not the same as roasting them over a campfire, definitely not the same,” he chuckles.

“Yeah, I’m learning that the hard way,” TK dramatically sighs again.

“Here,” Carlos hands TK his own stick with a perfectly roasted marshmallow. “You should have at least one that’s properly roasted.”

TK lightly elbows Carlos in the stomach and playfully rolls his eyes. “Okay, this is amazing,” he admits after eating the marshmallow.

Carlos smirks. “Besides, like you said earlier, practice makes perfect. So I guess we have no other option than going camping a lot so you can perfect your marshmallow roasting technique.”

“Hmm,” TK hums as he moves his face closer to Carlos’s. “Yeah, I guess that’s our only option,” he whispers.

Carlos smiles as he closes the small distance between them by capturing TK’s lips in a deep, passionate kiss. Carlos tastes a mix of TK and burnt marshmallows, and the combination makes his heart jump in his chest with joy; further proof that Carlos isn’t dreaming, they’re here, together in one of Carlos’s favorite places on the planet. TK easily opens to him and they pour into each other. TK’s free hand goes to the back of Carlos’s head as Carlos’s goes to hold TK’s face.

The kiss slows down, turning into a simple press of lips and they start exchanging small, chaste kisses before separating to catch their breath. They don’t pull back completely though as Carlos rests his forehead against TK’s.

They’re lying on the blanket a little while later, TK cuddled to Carlos’s side, after it was agreed that they’d had enough marshmallows for the time being. Otherwise, they’d get a sugar rush and neither wanted to experience the crash from that. Besides, they still hadn’t eaten the dinner they packed for the night.

Carlos had grabbed his zip up hoodie and slipped it on before lying down, the wind picking up a little and a shiver ran through his body. Once they’re both warm, both by clothes and each other’s presence, silence falls onto them, the leaves rustling around them the only sound as they watch the stars glitter above, vivid against the endless black sky.

“You can never see the stars this clearly in the city,” TK says in a quiet voice.

Carlos nods, not entirely sure if TK means New York or Austin, but he supposes both, because it’s true either way. He had heard about the light pollution in New York and how it obscures the night sky and its beauty, and from his experience living in Austin, the same can be said for the Texan city.

“There’s beauty in every direction you look here, it’s all encompassing. Left, right, up, down…you’re surrounded by it, you’re a part of it. There’s a lake this way,” Carlos points to their left, turning to face TK. “Me and my sisters used to go swimming there, the water is so blue and so clear and it’s the perfect temperature. We can take a dip before leaving, if you want.”

“Oh, but I don’t have my swimming suit,” TK points out.

Carlos doesn’t reply, instead he lifts a suggestive eyebrow as a smirk tugs on his lips.

“Ohhhh,” TK catches on to where Carlos’s head is at, and a blush paints his cheeks.

The nearby fire dances, the flames coloring TK’s skin golden and bringing out the green in his eyes. Carlos winks and the light pink rises up his boyfriend’s face and TK’s lips spread into a soft smile.

“Well, then, I couldn’t refuse that now, could I?” TK wiggles his eyebrows and moves closer to Carlos.

The beauty of the stars is momentarily forgotten as Carlos watches TK, getting lost in his features, taking it all in even though he can draw every detail in his sleep. He feels his heart grow in his chest with the amount of love he feels for the other man, gazing through green gates and into his soul, he’d willingly get lost in those irises for days.

Without a word, Carlos leans in and captures TK’s lips in a soaring kiss, giving TK his all and gladly receiving TK’s as the paramedic wastes no time in reciprocating.

“I’d come here alone, sometimes,” Carlos voices a few minutes after they return to their previous position. “When I was older. Sometimes my family would be busy and wouldn’t be able to make the trip, other times it was unplanned. I’d need to get away for a few days, and I’d find myself here. When things would get hard or overwhelming, this place was always there for me. This place offered me a lot of clarity over the years, opened my eyes to many things. Helped me dig deep into myself and really know who I am. Because here, in the middle of all this beautiful nature, that wasn’t so scary. It was almost like nature was telling me that it’s okay, that whatever happens, it’s all going to be okay, that it’s all just that, natural and organic. And eventually, whenever I needed to make a decision or when I just needed to think, I’d come here.”

TK waits a beat, fingers fidgeting with the zipper of Carlos’s hoodie and then asks a question. “Did you ever come here to find clarity about…me? Or us?”

Carlos is silent for a few moments before nodding. “Yeah, after you got shot,” he swallows, his mind taking him back to that horrific week.

He tightens his hold on TK, unconsciously needing to know that TK is okay, that he’s with him, right here, right now.

Then something clicks in TK’s mind. “When you texted me that you were leaving town for a couple of days, you came here.”

Carlos nods. He had sent that text a week after TK was out of the hospital and recovering at home. He had seen him a couple of times since his discharge, each time his emotions and feelings towards TK growing and bubbling more in his chest. And after making sure TK was really okay and was taken care of by his team, he had decided a trip was needed.

Falling for TK was unexpected, it had taken him by surprise and so did the amount of feelings he’d quickly developed for the other man. He needed to gather his thoughts and to process it all. He thinks back to those couple of days, pacing the ground for what seemed like hours, his mind going in a million different directions. It’s only when he sat down and looked up at this very sky, that he really started seeing everything, truly seeing.

Carlos draws in a deep breath before continuing, looking up at the sky now. “Like I told you that day at the juice bar, seeing you in that hospital bed was very hard, and all these strong feelings I had for you, they really took me over. I’d been out of the dating game for so long when I met you, and I never expected to fall for you as quickly as I did. And although I had felt it blossoming in the days and weeks before you got hurt, I truly realized just how much I felt for you when I found out you got shot. And then when I saw you lying in that hospital bed, that feeling of my heart dropping into my stomach and that pang in my chest,” he pauses, “…it scared me, the strength of the feelings scared me, the thought of losing you and losing everything we could be before we even truly began terrified me,” his voice breaks a little with the last few words.

TK finds Carlos’s hand and gives it a light squeeze.

Carlos recovers and continues. “And then you woke up and got sent home and every time I saw you, the feelings just grew and grew and there was no stopping it, not that I wanted to stop it. But I still didn’t know what we were, and I didn’t want to push you, knowing what you had gone through. I guess I just needed to process it all, it had all jumbled together and I needed to untangle it. So I came here, because this place always helps with that.”

“And what did you realize?” TK carefully asks.

Carlos turns his head once more so he’s looking at TK. “What I knew was true all along, that what I felt for you, all those feelings, all that love, was natural and organic. Cosmic, even. I realized it came from the deepest of places, the brightest and purest of places, it came from the soul, from the bottom of the heart. And that realization felt right, it felt good. I remember smiling then because I felt lighter, I felt like that realization breathed fresh air into my lungs. And I wasn’t scared anymore. I was hopeful. I knew this love was worth fighting for.”

TK is quiet for a while, letting everything Carlos said sink in, and the flickering flames reveal the unshed tears swimming in his eyes. Carlos’s words had been so honest, so vulnerable and it moves TK, fills him with even more love for Carlos.

“So, in a way, this place had brought us together,” TK expresses.

Carlos nods. “Which is one of the reasons I wanted to bring you here.”

“It really means everything, you sharing this place with me,” TK runs his thumb over Carlos’s knuckles. “I also realized what I had known all along that day of the solar storm, after the bus rescue and on the way to the hospital. I was scared, too. Getting into something and starting a relationship was the last thing on my mind when I got to Austin, but that connection to you, that pull between us, it felt right from the very start. I resisted it, though, I did, because I was still dealing with everything that happened in New York. But that day, I realized I wanted to deal with everything with you, with you by my side. I was learning to stand again, I knew that was something I had to do on my own but I wanted you to be there for me to lean on when I needed it. You gave me strength, Carlos, every day, and you continue to. You brought color back into my life and I knew then I wasn’t scared anymore. And you’re right, our love is cosmic and worth fighting for. It’s always under the sky and stars.”

Thinking back to that night, lying on the hood of the Camaro under the Northern Lights, the moment they really gave them a chance and started the journey of everything they would become together, TK smiles.

Carlos makes the connection, as well, mirroring the soft smile. “The sky and stars really do have a way of bringing us closer. Our love being cosmic sounds particularly appropriate.”

A gentle kiss is shared as they move even closer together, gravitating towards each other, always in each other’s orbit.

The tent goes forgotten as they fall asleep under the stars, wrapped in each other’s embrace, blanketed by the comfort of their love.

*****

If TK is distracted by watching Carlos, who’s wearing a tank top and sweat shorts, stride around the campsite while he gets their breakfast ready, well, who can blame him? TK’s eyes find themselves glued to Carlos’s biceps and the way his muscles contract and move under his skin, making TK miss the words Carlos is directing at him.

Carlos pauses, lifting an eyebrow. “TK? Earth to TK?”

“Hm?” TK snaps out of his trance and eyes go to Carlos’s face, which is just as captivating.

Carlos chuckles lightly. “Welcome back.” Then he’s smirking. “Like what you see?”

He gets it, though, knows the power of the tank top. Because he, too, loves it when TK wears his own tank tops, and Carlos finds himself in the same position TK was just in.

A blush crawls up TK’s neck and face as he bites down on his low lip, his eyes roaming over Carlos’s majestic form. He nods after a few moments.

“You’ll do,” TK playfully teases.

“Oh, is that it? I’ll do?” Carlos whispers, his tone a little heavy and low as he takes tentative steps towards his boyfriend, the smirk still drawn on his face.

“Yeah,” TK nods again, his eyes not leaving Carlos’s.

TK smiles against Carlos’s lips when the officer leans in for a kiss and returns it, his body filling up with warmth at their contact.

“Come on,” Carlos says when they pull apart. “We gotta have a good breakfast because we have some exploration ahead of us today. And other activities, too,” Carlos lifts an eyebrow and winks at TK.

They keep up their flirting and playful banter throughout breakfast, and once they’re finished and Carlos had gathered the stuff they’ll need and packed it into his backpack, they start their journey into the woods, Carlos leading with TK close behind.

The first couple of hours go by smoothly. Carlos shows TK a few of the spots he would frequent when he’d visit here, telling him stories along the way and sharing the memories he’s built with his family. He snaps pictures of TK here and there, some while he wasn’t looking, others with TK posing along with a bunch of selfies of them wearing big smiles.

They come to rest at a clearing, deciding to take a break before continuing their hike. Carlos finds a large rock to sit on, taking a few sips of water before his eyes find TK. The other man is roaming around, looking up at the trees and taking it all in. He comes to a halt on an elevation, looking into the distance and doesn’t realize he’s right on the edge of a hill.

Carlos’s face falls a little when he notices where TK’s standing, and he’s about to tell him to take a few steps back when TK himself turns around and starts to move towards him.

Carlos’s newfound relief lasts for only a brief second as he watches TK stumble. He quickly gets to his feet, moving to help steady TK while a little voice at the back of his head supplies slippery mud, but it’s too late.

For a moment it feels like an out of body experience and in an instant, he’s running to TK. It takes a second, but before he reaches him, TK looses his balance and falls, Carlos’s eyes going wide and his heart drops into his knees as it happens.

Carlos freezes, arms stretched out, heart hammering and eyes glued to the space TK occupied a second ago. He was right there, within his reach and then he wasn’t.

The image of the panicked look on TK’s face and his green eyes blown wide with fear will forever be etched in Carlos’s mind.

He swallows and finds himself at the edge a moment later as he looks down. It’s a nasty fall, even though it’s not a drop but a slope, the steep angle surely would have increased TK’s speed as he rolled downhill. The area it’s littered with rocks of all sizes, and TK’s body would most definitely be bruised and battered by the impact against them.

Carlos yells out when he finds his voice. “TK! TK! Hang on! I’m coming for you!”

The panic in his gut starts brewing even more at the lack of a response from TK.

Carlos weighs his options, and a quick survey tells him there’s no other way to get to TK except down this slope. He takes a deep breath and very carefully starts making his way towards where he’ll find TK.

He almost slips a few times during his descend, tree leaves crunching under his hiking boots and his feet sinking into piles of leaves and small bushes. He keeps calling out for TK on his way down, still getting no reply from the other man. Carlos tells himself he has to get a hold on the panic rising in his body, he feels his hands begin to shake and wills them to steady. He needs to be composed to help TK, to get him out of this. TK is relying on him.

That knowledge gives Carlos the strength he needs and he gathers himself, letting out a small sigh of relief when the ground appears to even out before him.

Then his eyes land on TK, who’s sprawled out on his side, his back to Carlos. And he isn’t moving. And Carlos can’t tell if he’s breathing from this angle.

Carlos’s legs move on their own accord and he’s sprinting towards TK, dropping to his knees next to him. His eyes run over TK’s face and head, where he finds a cut under his hairline that’s oozing blood down his face, and his usually neat hair is filled with torn leaves and covered in dust. He watches TK’s chest closely next, and lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding when he spots the rise and fall there, although shallower and shorter than he’d like, but TK is breathing.  

“TK? TK, babe, can you hear me?” Carlos speaks, his voice coated with worry.

With TK still unconscious, Carlos starts doing what he could: check TK over for any visible injuries on the rest of his body.

And he most definitely was not prepared for what he found. He couldn’t stop the sharp gasp that tears from his throat when his eyes land on a large, jagged open wound on TK’s right thigh. There’s blood gushing down his leg and dripping into a puddle beneath the paramedic, a stark crimson staining the rock below.

“Shit, shit,” Carlos mumbles and breaks himself out of his haze.

He knows he shouldn’t move TK until he’s sure there’s no spinal damage, but he also needs to apply pressure in hopes of slowing down the bleeding and the only way to effectively do that is to have TK lying on his back.

Knowing it’s his only option and the best chance TK has in this moment, Carlos very gently and carefully, while supporting TK’s body and carrying his weight, repositions TK and then clamps both hands over the wound and pushes down as hard as he can, putting all his weight into it as he prays that it isn’t the day he loses the love of his life.

He knows deep down it won’t do much good because he can already feel the blood seeping through his fingers. TK’s blood. Carlos’s stomach churns in an unnatural way and he has to squeeze his eyes shut and attempts to get his irregular breathing under control.

It seems, however, that the pressure does achieve something because Carlos is quickly opening his eyes when he hears a sharp painful gasp. The adrenaline, that same small voice at the back of his head supplies once more.

TK is haphazardly moving his head from side to side, eyebrows knitted together with confusion. Carlos easily finds TK’s wide eyes, filled to the brim with panic and fear and does his best in comforting and calming his boyfriend.

“TK, TK, hey, hey, look at me, look at me,” Carlos guides, trying to get TK’s attention.

The erratic movements eventually slow and TK focuses on Carlos through his blurry vision, tears springing into his eyes. He blinks a few times, trying to clear his line of sight sending a couple of tears down the sides of his face.

“Carlos…” TK whimpers through clenched teeth, reaching out for his boyfriend and closing his fist around the material of Carlos’s tank top, holding on with all the strength he could muster.

“I’m right here, baby, right here,” Carlos is quick to reassure him. “Stay with me, TK, hang on.”

“What…what happened?” TK asks when he gathers his breath.

“You fell down a hill, probably slipped on some mud and lost your balance. You were unconscious when I found you and you have a cut on your head and I think you could have a concussion. Can you wiggle your toes?”

After a moment, TK nods, knowing why Carlos is asking.

“Okay, good. But…”

“But?” TK questions and manages to lift himself to look at where Carlos’s eyes had landed.

TK gulps, seeing the wound and the alarming among of blood he had already lost and tries to keep the sizzling panic at bay. He knows panicking won’t help, that he needs to remain calm.

TK groans, pain flaring through his leg and making him a little dizzy.

“I think a piece of wood punctured your thigh and then broke away. I’ve been trying to slow the bleeding but it’s not working very well,” he explains, his voice filled with the panic he’s trying to suppress.

TK is silent for a few moments and Carlos fears he fell back into unconsciousness. But then TK is speaking, clearly having slipped into paramedic mode in those few seconds.

“Okay, we need to make a tourniquet, hopefully that will help slow the bleeding until we get help,” TK says.

Carlos nods, thinking back to what they have in their backpack. His heart drops some more when he realizes they don’t have anything for a tourniquet. Besides, the backpack is up that hill and there’s no way Carlos is leaving TK alone.

Making up his mind, Carlos takes off his tank top and looks to TK for instructions on what to do next.

TK frowns. “What…”

“This is everything we’ve got.”

TK nods, no time or energy for arguing. He already feels weaker and his head is starting to spin. But he evens his labored breathing, not only trying to access his own body for internal injuries but also to be able to properly tell Carlos what to do. He’s not alone, Carlos is here, and they can do this, together.

“Okay, you need to find a strong stick, it needs to be thick so it doesn’t break when it’s twisted to tighten the tourniquet,” TK tells Carlos.

Finding a stick in the woods, should be simple enough, Carlos thinks as he looks around, still in his position and applying pressure to TK’s thigh. Once he spots a stick that could work, he takes hold of TK’s hands and guides them to the wound, pushing them down there.

“I need you to hold pressure while I do this, TK. Can you do that for me?” Carlos asks and once he’s sure TK has complied, he moves to retrieve the stick.

TK gives it his all. He’s scared, and he doesn’t want to die, he doesn’t want to bleed out on this hill in the middle of the woods. He doesn’t want Carlos to have to watch it happen. He doesn’t want to ruin what this place means to Carlos. He doesn’t want to miss out on spending the rest of his life with Carlos. So he fights against the darkness creeping at him from the corners of his eyes and gives it everything he’s got.

But he’s tired, he’s so tired, and his hands momentarily stop working. But a voice reminds him to stay awake, stay awake…

Carlos can tell, that as expected, TK’s strength is faltering by the way more blood is running free down the paramedic’s injured leg. So he does his best to keep TK awake and talking until the tourniquet can take over in controlling the bleeding.

“Hey, TK, stay with me,” Carlos pleads. “Tell me, what’s next?”

TK nods. “Loop…loop the shirt above the wound and then place the stick over the loop and tie a knot,” his voice trails off.

Carlos follows TK’s instructions, his hands working quickly to do as TK says.

“Then…rotate it and the knot is going to tighten,” TK continues using a shaky breath. “It should help control the bleeding.”

“Okay, you ready?” Carlos asks, his worry filled eyes moving to TK’s face, knowing how much tourniquets hurt when they’re applied.

TK draws in a breath and nods.

“Okay, here we go,” Carlos starts twisting the stick and his heart clenches and shatters some more at hearing the throaty and pained moans that TK lets out.

The younger man’s eyes are squeezed shut, face crunching up in agony as the groans keep spilling from his mouth.

It works, and Carlos can see the bleeding is substantially slowing down.

“It’s working, it’s working,” Carlos sighs, closing his eyes for a few moments and taking in a deep breath, his shoulders slumping forward.  

And now it’s time to figure out where they ended up and how to get back to the campsite, into the truck and to the hospital as fast as they can. Carlos knows the tourniquet isn’t a permanent solution and he’s worried about infection setting in.

He fishes his phone from his pocket and prays for even one bar of service, but disappointment settles in his stomach at the words no service glaring at him from the top of his screen.  

He sighs, turning back to TK.

“Hey, TK, still with me, baby?”

TK gives him a weak nod.

“Listen, I have to go back up to get the backpack, you need to hydrate and the map and compass will help us get back to camp,” Carlos explains, hating that he has to leave TK. “I need you to keep holding the tourniquet in place, to make sure it doesn’t get undone. I’ll be quick, I promise.”

“Be…careful,” TK replies, closing his hand over the stick when Carlos places it there.

“I will be,” Carlos responds and leans down to brush a kiss to TK’s forehead.

It takes every inch of strength Carlos has to pull away.

“I’ll be right back, baby.”

Carlos rushes back up the hill, trying to be as quick but as efficient and safe as he possibly can, not wanting to leave TK alone for long. He faces some difficulty climbing up but manages to avoid slips and falls.

He’s panting when he finally makes it to the top, grabbing a hold of the backpack and then stops for a second. He pulls his phone out again, praying for service and rejoices at the one bar of service he finds.

He puts the phone to his ear and his heart thumps in his chest as he waits for it to connect. After what feels like an eternity, it starts ringing, and another lifetime after that, Owen picks up.

“Owen?” Carlos speaks, his voice tight. “Owen, can you hear me?”

“Carlos?” Owen replies but his voice is so far away.

“Owen, we need help,” Carlos continues, praying that Owen can hear him over the line scratching between the words.

“Carlos—you’re breaking—can’t—”

Then the lines goes dead.

A glance at his phone tells Carlos the one much-needed bar of service is gone.

“Damn it,” Carlos growls with frustration, shoving the phone back into his pocket.

He’s back at TK’s side a few minutes later, and finds his boyfriend barely holding onto consciousness.

“Hey, TK, I’m back,” Carlos announces, kneeling next to TK once more.

He notices that TK’s hold on the tourniquet has loosened a bit so he tightens the knot to control the bleeding again and his heart sinks at the almost lack of response from TK.

Shock, that voice in his head speaks again. He needs to get TK out of here right this moment.

“TK, you with me?” Carlos says as he digs out the compass and map.

TK mumbles something in return.

“Good, stay with me, baby. Didn’t I tell you that I don’t recommend tumbling down a hill? You had to go and try it yourself, huh,” he attempts to lighten the mood with their familiar playful banter but doesn’t quite succeed, his voice coated with fear and worry.

“Take it up with that hill,” TK murmurs back.

A short wet chuckle escapes Carlos, at least TK is doing his best to reciprocate. It’s a small victory in the battle to keep TK awake.

Carlos swallows before continuing, “I almost managed to get through to your dad on the phone,” he says, hoping to keep TK engaged until he figures out how to get back to the campsite. “It was only one bar, though, and it cut off before he could properly hear me.”

He feels his own disappointment mirrored back at him from TK when the younger man frowns.

“Okay,” Carlos nods, getting their bearings and finding the direction they need to move in. “We need to head west, and if we stay on this trail, it should lead us back to camp.”

Carlos moves so he’s behind TK to help him sit up. He places his hands below TK’s shoulders and very slowly and gently starts pushing him up. TK tries his best to help with his weight, but it’s no use, all his energy has been drained. With a hand still steading TK, Carlos reaches his other into the backpack and pulls out a water bottle.

“Here, you need to drink,” he hands it to TK.

TK accepts it with shaky hands and lifts the bottle to his mouth after popping the cap open, taking a few short sips.

“Ready to get up?”

“I’ll try,” TK replies, his voice hoarse.

“I got you,” Carlos promises.

Looping TK’s arm around his shoulder for a better hold on him, Carlos pushes himself up, taking TK with him. TK groans as soon as he’s standing still, closing his eyes as a wave of dizziness takes over and pain starts pulsing up and down his injured leg.

“No, no,” TK shakes his head. “It hurts.”

Carlos glances down and curses. Just the mere movement of TK standing up has caused more blood to pour out of his wound, and he knows more movement will dislodge the tourniquet even more.

Carlos shoulders the bag and then wraps an arm around TK’s waist, pulling him towards him.

“TK, I’m gonna need you to put all your weight on me, and absolutely no weight on that leg, okay? I’m going to get you out of here.”

TK distributes his weight on his good leg and on Carlos, dragging his injured leg as he pretty much hops along the way Carlos leads them.

“We’re not that far from camp,” Carlos pants. “I’ll carry you there if I have to.”

And he does. As soon as TK grows even weaker in Carlos’s grip around the halfway mark, the younger man’s muscles deflating, he does exactly that and carries TK the rest of the way.

Once they finally arrive at the site, Carlos carefully lowers TK down on a blanket near the extinguished campfire. He’s about to move to collect their important things when TK’s hand wraps around his wrist and stops him.

“Carlos,” TK heaves. “Carlos, we…we have to stop the bleeding.”

“The tourniquet is in place, I’ll make sure it stays that way…”

But TK is shaking his head. “It didn’t completely stop the blood, even when it was first applied,” he swallows. “Movement will cause more bleeding…and already lost too much blood…nearest hospital is a few hours away, can’t wait.”

“Then what are we supposed to do?” Carlos asks, the panic in his voice breaking through.

TK takes a deep breath before answering. “Cauterize it.”

It takes a moment for that to sink in and then Carlos’s eyes are going wide. “What? You mean, you want…”

“Need. I need you to do it, babe.”

“What? No, no, TK, I can’t—I can’t do that,” Carlos vigorously shakes his head, eyebrows drawn together. “There has to be something else, another way—”

“There isn’t,” TK matter of factly responds. “That is the only way.”

“No, TK, I…” Carlos’s voice breaks.

“Hey, hey,” TK reaches his arm out to Carlos. “It’s gonna be okay, I’ll talk you through it.”

Carlos moves so he’s in TK’s reach and takes his hand. He knows there’s no time to argue—that there’s no need to argue. He has to do this to save TK. TK trusts him and needs him to do this. And even though Carlos is scared out of his skin, he knows what needs to be done. Knows TK needs him now more than ever. He pushes his fear down and wills his heart to calm, ready to do whatever it takes to save the man who has saved him.

Carlos takes a deep breath and nods, sniffing. “What do you need me to do?”

“Need to get the fire going and grab one of the kitchen knives we packed…”

*****

TK slumps backwards, working on catching his breath as his hands go to wipe the tears that had streaked down his face during the agonizing procedure. Carlos is almost done wrapping TK’s thigh with a sterile bandage from the first aid kit after cauterizing it. TK feels Carlos’s lips against his forehead a few moments later.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Carlos whispers against TK’s skin, heart in pieces at the pain TK had just gone through.

“You did everything right, babe,” TK reassures Carlos with a quivering breath. “I knew it was going to hurt.”

“Here,” Carlos hands TK his water bottle. “Drink some more water while I gather our important things and we’ll be on the road soon.”

“There’s time to pack everything,” TK says. “I’m okay.”

Carlos studies TK for a moment. “Are you sure?”

TK nods.

Carlos throws on the first t-shirt he finds and makes quick work of taking down the tent and gathering their stuff. He haphazardly piles everything into the back of the truck, not bothering to pack anything properly. As long as everything is secure, that will do.

Less than ten minutes later sees Carlos helping TK into the passenger seat then getting into the driver’s seat and starting the engine. He sighs when he sees there’s still no service and TK can read the tension sitting in Carlos’s shoulders and in his squared jaw.

“Carlos, babe, I’m okay, the worst is over,” TK holds Carlos’s hand and gives it a squeeze.

Carlos turns to look at TK, taking in his pale complexion and clammy skin. His expression morphs into one of heartbreak and worry. “You can still get an infection, you could still have a concussion,” his eyes travel to the cut on TK’s head. “And there’s no telling what kind of damage that fall did to you internally.”

“All things we’ll deal with one at a time,” TK says calmly, although he wouldn’t be able to speak any louder even if he wanted to. “Take a breath, baby, it’s okay.”

Carlos takes a few moments to gather himself, preparing himself to drive and getting his nerves under control. Once he’s ready, he shifts the gear into drive and they start moving.

“Just don’t fall asleep on me, okay?” Carlos tells TK, his focus on the road.

“Okay,” TK replies.

“Play music if you want, and can you keep an eye on the service bars? We’ll call your dad first chance we get.”

TK opts to play a calmer playlist than the one they listened to on their way to the campsite. This playlist helps to relax him, which in this situation may not be the best of things, but TK also knows that Carlos needs to relax too, and upbeat and loud music will most definitely have the opposite effect on him. So TK settles for it, and pushes past the wave of sleepiness it cloaks over him.

The world passes by in a blur as TK stares out the window and replies to Carlos when the officer makes sure he’s still awake.

“There’s two bars,” TK says when he checks for service again, immediately calling his dad, his phone connected to the car’s bluetooth.

Owen picks up after a few rings. “TK! It’s good to hear from you, Carlos tried calling a bit ago but we got disconnected.”

It’s Carlos who replies to him. “Owen.”

The fire captain immediately picks up on Carlos’s shaky voice. “Carlos, what’s going on?”

“We’re on the way back, TK got hurt on a hike. He’s doing okay now but we’re going straight to the hospital,” Carlos explains.

Owen draws in a deep breath and needing to hear TK’s voice, he calls for him. “TK, son?”

“Hey, dad,” TK replies weakly. “I’m okay.”

“Everything is going to be fine. Which hospital are you going to and how long until you arrive?”

“West Park Memorial is going to be the closest and we’re about an hour away,” Carlos responds.

“Okay, I’ll meet you there. Be careful on the road, please.”

“Will do,” Carlos promises.

“I’m so tried,” TK mumbles after they hang up with Owen, shifting in his seat.

“I know, baby,” Carlos replies without taking his eyes off the road. “But I need you to stay awake for me, we’re almost there.”

TK manages to stay awake until they’re ten minutes away from their destination. Carlos calls for him but he doesn’t answer, giving into the impending darkness that’s been threatening to take over for hours now.

Carlos feels the panic stirring in his gut when TK doesn’t respond, doesn’t move.

“TK, baby, you gotta stay awake,” Carlos tries with no success. “TK, please,” he then uses a hand to take hold of TK’s and realizes with a pang in his chest that TK’s skin has lost some of its warmth.

“Shit,” Carlos curses, his own body and face heating up. “TK, you have to wake up, babe.”

The following ten minutes were some of the longest of Carlos’s life. The further he drives, the farther the hospital got, or so it seemed. After what felt like three eternities, the hospital finally comes into view and he honks a few times as he drives up the ramp leading to the ER entrance.

A doctor and a couple of nurses emerge with a gurney and Carlos jumps out and moves around the truck to open the passenger door.

“We were camping and he fell down a hill and cut open his thigh, he was losing a lot of blood and the tourniquet wasn’t stopping the bleeding completely. He’s a paramedic with the 126 and said we had to cauterize it so I did,” he explains. “He also might have a concussion from the fall. And he can’t be given opioid-based medication.”

The doctor nods while the nurses lift TK from the car and onto the gurney. “How long ago?”

“A few hours,” Carlos replies. “He lost consciousness about ten minutes ago.”

“Okay, we got him now,” the doctor reassures Carlos while performing initial tests on TK. “I need you to park the truck and then fill out some forms while we run a few tests. I’ll leave word at the ER front desk. What’s his name?”

“TK Strand.”

“He’s in good hands,” she nods before retreating through the sliding doors.

Carlos watches as they wheel TK into the hospital, the doctor giving orders as they moved. He starts to feel his own knees growing weaker as TK disappears down the hall and the doors slide shut. It feels like a part of his heart has just been torn from him.

He repeats he’s going to be okay over and over in his head as he climbs back into the truck and until he’s striding into the ER, a mantra to keep him calm.

“Hi, I was told I need to fill some forms for TK Strand. I just brought him in,” he says to the charge nurse at the front desk.

She nods and hands him a clipboard with a pen attached. “What’s your relation to the patient?”

“He’s my boyfriend,” Carlos replies. “And I’m his emergency contact.”

She gives him a soft smile. “They took him into an exam room to check him over and to run some standard tests. I’ll have someone take you to him once you fill out the forms.”

Carlos nods and begins filling out the empty spaces.

He’s lead to TK ten minutes later, following the nurse to where TK is being examined. She stops in front of a closed door and turns to Carlos.

“He’s right through there, his results should be in soon,” she informs him. “Just press the call button if you need anything.”

“Thank you,” Carlos nods and slowly opens the door as she walks away.

And he could cry tears of joy when he’s met with hazy green eyes once he steps into the room.

“Hey, Ty,” Carlos softly breathes, relaxing a little at seeing TK awake.

“Hi, baby,” TK replies, a small smile forming on his face.

Carlos is by TK’s bedside in three strides, taking his boyfriend’s hand and giving it a comforting squeeze.

“I’m glad to see you awake,” Carlos says. “You gave me quite the scare.”

TK winces. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

“I know. It’s okay, baby, I’m just worried about you,” Carlos runs his thumb over TK’s skin that thankfully now feels a little warmer than earlier, courtesy of the IV fluids TK’s been given. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay, a little out of it and tired, but the fluids are helping,” TK replies.

Carlos’s response to that is interrupted by his phone ringing in his pocket.

“Hey, Owen,” Carlos answers.

“Carlos, I tried calling TK but it went to voicemail,” Owen responds.

Carlos can tell that he’s power walking by the way his voice wavers a little. “We forgot it in the car. We’re in the ER.”

“I’m walking in now. Which room are you boys in?”

“Oh,” Carlos pauses, realizing he’s not exactly sure which way he was lead. He must have zoned out then, he thinks. “Um, ask for TK at the front desk, a nurse will show you the way.”

“Okay,” Owen replies. “I’ll be right there.”

The door is pushed open a few minutes later, revealing a worried Owen, his face crunched up in concern. He breaths a sigh of relief when he sees TK awake but his eyes still radiate the fear bubbling in his chest at his son, once again, landing in the hospital.

His eyes move from TK to Carlos as he steps into the room, placing a hand on Carlos’s shoulder and squeezing there before moving to TK’s side.

“Hey, son,” Owen gives him a small smile. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay, a little better now,” TK replies after clearing is throat.

Owen’s eyes survey TK, noticing the butterfly bandage on his forehead and then his eyes widen when he spots the bandage on TK’s thigh.

Turning to Carlos, he asks, “what happened?”

“He took a tumble down a hill, he lost his balance, most likely on wet mud. He rolled down and his thigh probably got cut by a wooden stick or log. We tried a tourniquet but it didn’t hold well, so we…” Carlos pauses, his eyes moving to TK then back to Owen. “We had to cauterize it.”

Owen’s eyes go impossibly wide at that, digesting everything Carlos had said. “It was that bad?”

Before Carlos can reply, the door is opened and the doctor walks in.

“Doctor, this is Owen, TK’s father,” Carlos introduces. “I was just telling him what happened.”

Owen extends his arm to shake her hand. “How’s TK doing?”

“As well as expected,” she replies. “Any headache, nausea or double vision, TK?”

“No, just a little hazy and feeling a bit out of it.”

“That’s to be expected, I don’t think you have a concussion but I’m going to take you to get scans on your head and stomach to make sure everything is clear.”

TK is being wheeled out by a couple of nurses a few minutes later, but not before Carlos brushes a kiss to his forehead.

Owen and Carlos are sitting in silence when the officer’s voice cuts through it.

“I’m sorry, this is all my fault,” Carlos sighs, hands fidgeting with each other.

“What are you talking about?” Owen frowns.

“TK’s fall. I know the place, I know how an area can appear stable but it isn’t, I learned that the hard way but I never had a fall this bad. And the blood, he was bleeding so much when I found him and…” Carlos trails off, drawing in a shaky breath. “For a moment, I thought we weren’t getting out of there. For a moment, I thought I was going to lose him.”

“Hey, Carlos, look at me,” Owen says.

Carlos slowly lifts his gaze from the floor to meet Owen’s.

“This wasn’t your fault, this was an accident. Don’t blame yourself for what happened. And you didn’t lose him. You got him out of there.”

“I just keep thinking if I had maybe said something a moment earlier…I wouldn’t have had to…it was so hard to do that. I was terrified,” Carlos admits, remembering how his heart hammered against his ribcage during the procedure. “And seeing the amount of pain TK was in…”

Owen places his hand on the back of Carlos’s neck and gives him a supportive squeeze there.

“Listen to me,” Owen says after a moment. “You did everything you could for TK, you took care of him, you pushed through your fear for him, you got him here…you did everything right,” Owen echos TK’s words. “You saved his life, Carlos.”

Carlos swallows and sniffs. “I’d do anything to make sure he’s okay.”

“I know,” Owen nods. “And I’m so incredibly grateful for that. He’s going to be fine, you both will be.”

Carlos knows there’s more than a few nightmares lingering ahead in the wake of TK’s injury, but as long as they’ve got each other, they will be okay. He just needs to know that the worst is truly over.

TK is brought back into the room twenty minutes later, Carlos and Owen getting to their feet as he’s settled in again by the nurses.

Owen sits on the chair while Carlos sits on the edge of the bed, taking TK’s hand.

“I’m okay,” TK gives his boyfriend and father a smile.

Carlos nods, returning the smile through unshed tears, the weight of his conversation with Owen still heavy on his bones.

The doctor appears half an hour later, holding a few files.

“The good news is that all the scans are clear, no head or internal injuries. But I’d like to admit TK for observation, so we can keep a close look on the wound for a couple of days and watch out for an infection,” she explains.

“Whatever you think is best, doctor,” Owen nods.

“Alright then,” the doctor nods. “I’ll get the paperwork started and have TK moved to a room upstairs shortly.”

TK knows it’s for the best, because he honestly feels like crap and doesn’t want him and Carlos to deal with an infection at home, but he can’t help the groan he pushes out.

“It’s okay, babe,” Carlos reassures him, cupping his cheek. “Just to make sure everything is alright, only for a few days.”

TK nods, leaning into Carlos’s touch, the officer grounding him.

*****

They’re thrown another curveball when TK develops a fever overnight.

A cot was set for Carlos in TK’s room while Owen had gone home, making Carlos promise to call or text if anything changes. The officer was awake when TK’s fever was discovered by a nurse. He had to inform Owen with a hastily sent text while keeping up with what the nurse was saying, writing it out in the message. He watched as the nurse administers antibiotics into TK’s IV line and starts him on some medications to reduce the fever and clear out the infection.

TK stirs in bed, the fever taking a toll on his body and making him uncomfortable. He groans and peels his eyelids open to the sunlight gently streaming in through the blinds.

Turning his head to the side, his momentarily blurry vision clears to reveal Judd in the chair by his bedside.

“Judd,” TK whispers, his voice hoarse.

“Hey, brother,” Judd smiles. “Do you want some water?”

TK nods and takes a few sips out of the straw when Judd holds the cup for him.

“He’s getting coffee,” Judd says without TK needing to ask, knowing what’s on the younger man’s mind by the way his eyes darted around the room. “Looked like he needed it, too.”

TK nods. “When did you get here?”

“A while ago, sat with Carlos for a bit. Your dad called this morning and told me what happened and I wanted to see how you’re doing,” Judd gently pats TK’s shoulder. “You’ve been in and out for a while.”

“Yeah,” TK clears his throat. “This fever is really kicking my ass.”

“I, uh, you had me worried there for a second when I heard,” Judd sighs.

“I’m sorry, it was a freak accident. I was scared, too but I’m okay, Carlos took great care of me.”

Judd nods. “You’ll be better in no time, brother,” he reassures him. “Get some more rest,” he adds, seeing the way TK’s eyes drift close. “Your man will be back when you wake up.”

True to Judd’s word, Carlos is by TK’s side the next time he opens his eyes.

“Hi, baby,” Carlos smiles when he sees TK awake. “How are you feeling?”

“A little better,” TK replies, his body feeling more at ease. “You look better, too,” he points out, taking in Carlos’s appearance.

Carlos nods. “Knowing you’re getting better helped. Your fever decreased and the doctor thinks it will break soon. And they’ve been monitoring your wound and changing the dressing and it looks better, too. They think the infection will clear out by tomorrow.”

“And I’ll go home?”

“And you’ll come home,” Carlos confirms with a smile, carding his fingers through TK’s hair.

TK feels lighter at Carlos’s words, feeling that the worst is truly over now.

“Thank you, ‘Los. You literally carried me and put me back together.”

“I’d do anything for you.”

TK stays silent, knowing there’s more on Carlos’s tongue.

“It just…it felt like you were slipping away from me and…I was so scared,” Carlos closes his eyes and unshed tears shimmer when he opens them a moment later.

“You helped me hold on, Carlos, you gave me strength. And I knew it was going to be okay because you were by my side. I know what I asked wasn’t easy and I know it will take its toll but you did it. You saved me. And I’ll always fight to come back to you,” TK vows.

“I’ll always be right here,” Carlos vows back, brushing a kiss to TK’s temple. “Oh, and mom and dad send their love and well wishes. They were really worried but I told them everything is looking up now. Mom made me promise that we’ll go over for lunch as soon as you’re well enough. She’s probably setting the menu now.”

TK chuckles. “I’d love that. It shouldn’t be too long, though, I’ll be taking some antibiotics for a while and my thigh will be sore but only for a couple of weeks. It will scar, but…”

“Hey,” Carlos squeezes TK’s hands. “Scars show what you overcame, what you survived.”

“What we overcame and survived,” TK corrects. “I wouldn’t be here without you.”

Carlos leans in, resting his forehead against TK’s and takes in everything that is TK. Carlos easily lets himself get lost in TK’s scent, a reminder that TK is here and that he’s okay.

And seeing TK sitting up and talking, having regained most of his color now, Carlos can finally properly breathe again since watching TK fall.

*****

When TK suggested they go camping again, Carlos was hesitant at first, his once beloved spot now tainted with the memories of TK getting hurt. But TK reminds him of what that place means to him, not wanting the memory of the accident to be Carlos’s most recent association with the spot. He tells him that going back can help them both, reminds him of the strength of his connection to that campsite and Carlos eventually agrees.

And when they return to the campsite a couple of months later, TK is proven right, in more ways than one.

They go back after TK has fully recovered and Carlos no longer jolts up awake in the middle of the night, covered in a layer of sweat, heaving with TK’s yelled name on his lips.

Carlos is standing by the water, enjoying the cool breeze and the warmth of the sun on his skin when a pair of arms wrap around him from behind and hold him close. He smiles, leaning back into TK’s chest and rests his head against the younger man’s shoulder.

“Still as beautiful as ever,” TK whispers against Carlos’s ear.

Carlos nods. Still, however, a part of him can’t fully enjoy it anymore, the memories of TK’s accident too evident in his mind.

With a kiss planted to Carlos’s temple, TK pulls back and the officer turns to follow a few moments after.

And when his eyes land on TK, who’s down on one knee in front of him, Carlos draws in a deep breath while his eyes go wide.

Tears spring to Carlos’s brown eyes as TK opens the red velvet box in his hands, revealing a stunning silver ring sitting inside.

And the identical bright specks glittering in their eyes when TK asks and Carlos answers with, yes, a million times yes and the lighting surging through their bodies at the kiss that follows…

Well, their love is cosmic, after all.

And now, standing by the lake Carlos had painted for TK before, wrapped in each other’s embrace, they both start to fully heal, souls uplifting, their hearts lightening and beating as one.

With that, this place no longer carries the scars of almost losing TK and everything they are and could be, but now serves as a reminder of the strength of their love, mending the scars and holding the promise of a brighter future ahead.

[xecutivecucumber]

Rexsoka Week 2021 Day 7: FUBAR

I hope everyone enjoyed my Rexsoka week contributions. I've had a lot of fun with them. Thanks for all the support!

This one is a little less focused on their relationship and more on the...effed up part of things.

TW: Non Graphic Torture

Day 7: FUBAR

Rex had hung for hours. They'd stripped him of his armor and blacks. His arms were wrenched upward and over a horizontal bar of metal. His legs were forced in an uncomfortable position, as if he was doing a squat midair. Most of his weight was on his bent knees. The device he was entangled with seemed to be a relic of the Separatists.

Rex had no hope of getting out of here alive. It would be foolish to go so deep into Imperial territory for one soldier, even as high ranking as he was. And Rex prided himself with the knowledge that he would never give any sensitive information away.

They'd started the normal Imperial interrogation process with him, using an IT-0 droid to try and get him to talk. Rex was better than that. The clones had been trained to resist the mundane mind probe that the droids used.

But then they had stopped. Some higher up wanted to interrogate Rex themselves, and Rex was to be untouched until they got there.

So Rex hung. The pain of his shoulders and knees was probably more effective than what any of the average Imperial idiots could inflict. By the whispered tones of the Imps in charge of him, whoever was coming for Rex was far from average.

Rex didn't fear pain. He'd been under extreme distress, physical, mental, and emotional, before. He hadn't broken then. He wouldn't break now.

Finally, the door slid open, and a tall, dark figure swept in. Its head was covered in a helmet that hid any trace of humanity. The sound of rasping breathing accompanied it, as if each breath was forced in and out of the thing's body. It stared at Rex, and Rex was so transfixed by its blank stare that he almost didn't notice the thing's companion.

A clone, holding his black helmet at his side, with greying hair and a wandering scar down the left side of his face.

Rex's breath caught.

"Cody? " He asked.

He didn't need it confirmed. It was Cody. Rex could never forget his ori'vod's face.

It seemed that Cody had forgotten Rex. He looked Rex over with a blank stare. His chip was still active.

"Captain Rex." The dark figure said in a deep, robotic voice that nudged something in Rex's memory. "You were listed as killed in action."

"Well," Rex said, though he could not tear his eyes from Cody's face. "Reports can be wrong."

"Yes." The figure said. "It seems so. Which leads me to believe that others that were believed dead may yet be alive."

Rex tried not to let his fear show in his face. He knew who this man wanted.

"Tell me." The figure stepped forward. "Where is Ahsoka Tano?"

Rex managed to look away from his brother and into the figure's helmeted face.

"Ahsoka Tano is dead." He said with as much conviction as he could muster.

"I see." The figure said. "Commander, you may begin."

"Yes, Lord Vader." Cody said.

In a fluid movement he withdrew an electrostaff and slammed it into Rex's side. Rex hissed through his teeth as he felt ribs break. Then the electricity began coursing through his body in burning waves. Rex’s jaw clenched involuntarily, keeping him from making much noise.

Rex fell limp as Cody finally drew the staff away.

"Where is Ahsoka Tano?" Vader asked again.

Rex struggled to lift his head.

"She's dead." He said.

Vader stared at him for a long time before turning to Cody.

"Continue."

Ahsoka stole through the halls of the Imperial facility. Rex was here somewhere. At least, that’s what she prayed. The chances of him surviving at the hands of the Imperials seven days were-

Ahsoka refused to let herself dwell on it.

She paused at a corner when she heard the idle chatter of two TK troopers nearby.

"I wish Lord Vader would hurry up and kill the wretch." One complained. "Patrolling the detention level is becoming a real pain."

"Gives me a headache." The other grumbled. "Judging by its screams, I doubt it can last much longer."

Ahsoka's heart quickened. He was alive. She waited for the troopers to move past and quickly made her way to the nearest lift. The Force guided her hands to hit level B3.

The lift opened and Ahsoka felt sick. Rex's screams were echoing throughout the hallway. There was something else; whatever was torturing him was a Force user. A powerful and Dark one at that.

Ahsoka grit her teeth. There went her plan to go in sabers blazing. She edged closer to the area from which Rex's noises of distress were coming from. Soon she could make out words.

" SHE'S DEAD! SHE'S DEAD!" Rex was screaming.

So that's what they wanted to know. Ahsoka tried to reach for Rex's mind, but it was saturated with pain, oblivious to everything but the torture being inflicted on him.

Ahsoka found a storage closet adjacent to the room Rex was in. She would have to wait this out, no matter how badly she wanted to stop Rex's tormentors.

After a while Rex's screams turned to sobs, and the words he said changed.

" Kote, vod, gedet'ye!"

Cody, brother, please.

Ahsoka's heart clenched as she translated the words in her head. He was calling for Cody. She prayed that he was seeing some delusion, and that Cody was not playing a part in his torture.

His sobs began to fade. Ahsoka pressed a montral to the wall. A door opened and shut. Ahsoka waited a minute before unsheathing her sabers. She drew them in a circle in the wall and forced the cut section forward. The room she stepped into was overly bright. The floor was tacky and pinkish. Ahsoka swallowed bile before looking at the back of the room.

Rex was twisted around a metal frame, forced into what looked like an excruciating position. He was mostly naked, save for his grey undershorts. It seemed there wasn't a bit of skin that wasn't bruised, burned, or cut. Blood ran in dribbles from fresh slashes on his chest. He didn't look up as she approached him. His head lolled forwards.

" She's dead. " He whispered through chapped lips. " Kote, gedet'ye, she's dead. "

Ahsoka shook herself and wasted no more time in releasing him from his bindings. He'd lost weight in the few days he'd been here, and Ahsoka easily lifted him. A soft groan escaped him as she shouldered most of his weight.

"It's okay, Rex." Ahsoka promised him. "It's over now."

It would be. Even if they were caught, the answer the Imperials wanted was given by her presence. There would be no need to continue his interrogations.

Of course, they could always use him against her.

She quickly scanned near her. There was one guard nearby. The dark presence was getting further away.

Ahsoka set Rex down before slipping out the door. The startled guard didn't have time to make a noise before Ahsoka slammed him against the wall. He crumpled. Ahsoka retrieved Rex and started their painfully slow way down the corridor.

Rex occasionally made soft noises of pain as she jostled him. They got to the turbolift with no incidents. Ahsoka could sense the guards on the level on which her stolen Imperial shuttle was docked. There weren’t many, and by some miracle of the Force she managed to get Rex to the hangar without being seen. He let out a pitiful groan as she quickened her pace.

"I'm sorry." Ahsoka whispered. "We're almost out. Just-"

The dark presence suddenly reappeared, looming between them and the shuttle.

Ahsoka had no time, not with Rex's dead weight, to move before the man to which the presence belonged stepped from behind another ship. If it could be called a man. It seemed more like a droid.

"Ahsoka Tano." It said. "Captain Rex has become a more convincing liar. I almost believed him when he said you were dead."

Ahsoka tensed. She would not leave Rex. But she didn't see a way out of this.

"Something I'm sure you're eager to rectify." Ahsoka spat.

"There is a way for you to survive. For you both to survive." It said. "Join the Empire and you will both live."

"And become whatever you are? No." Ahsoka said.

The figure did not immediately attack.

"You think this path leads to anything else?" It asked. "Your attachment to the clone is far too deep."

"I'm sure it was only attachment that made you fall." Ahsoka said.

Her mind raced. What could she do? She would not leave Rex, but she couldn’t move quickly with his weight. And this thing was powerful .

"I see that you are resolved." The thing said. "Then I offer you this. Surrender, and I will give you both painless deaths."

For half a moment Ahsoka was tempted. Rex's pain was saturating the Force. She didn't want him to hurt anymore. And she saw no way out.

Her hesitation was seen as a refusal. The thing reached out a clawed hand. Ahsoka tensed, but nothing touched her. Rex, on the other hand, stiffened. Ahsoka nearly dropped him as he struggled for air.

"No!" Ahsoka said. "I didn't-"

A blaster shot rang through the hangar. The thing whirled to the side and deflected it with a hand. Rex relaxed.

Ahsoka only paused long enough to see a familiar clone pointing a blaster at the thing. She drew upon the Force and darted forward, past the figure who was concerned with blocking the barrage of blaster fire raining down on it.

"No more!" She heard Cody shout. " No more! "

She reached out briefly to try to connect with Cody and found a shattered mind. Whatever they had done to Rex had been too much for him.

Ahsoka dragged Rex the last few feet to the shuttle.

"Now, R-7!" She shouted.

The shuttle's door began to rise. Right before it shut, Ahsoka saw the Dark creature shear through Cody's chest with a blood red blade.

There was no med bay in the Imperial shuttle, so Ahsoka had to lay Rex on a clean sheet in the middle of the passenger bay. It had taken nearly two hours to dress Rex's injuries. Ahsoka had to set his broken fingers, wrap his ribs, and put bacta on every burn and laceration. He began to stir as she was finishing wrapping the cut up soles of his feet.

He groaned as he shifted, eyes opening to a slit.

"'Soka." He mumbled.

He struggled to lift himself.

"Shhh." Ahsoka said, gently easing himself back down. "Lie still."

She began running her fingers through his short hair in a hopefully soothing manner. He closed his eyes again and his head sagged to the side.

"How do you feel?" She asked.

"Hurts." He slurred.

Ahsoka frowned. She already had him on pretty heavy painkillers. She couldn't give him more, but she hated that he was still in pain.

She continued to massage his head. She hoped he was heading back to sleep.

"Cody?" He asked.

Ahsoka felt sick at his hopeful tone.

"I'm so sorry, Rex." She said. "He didn't make it."

Rex didn't say anything at first. He opened his eyes and looked at her.

"Was it-" He struggled to form the words. "You?"

Ahsoka moved her hand to the side of his face.

"That thing killed him." Ahsoka said. "He died so we could escape."

Rex squeezed his eyes shut. The agony that warped the Force around him deepened. He turned his head away from her, a tear tracing down his cheek.

“No more.” He muttered. “ No more. ”

Check it out and my other Rexsoka Fics on A03!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/34125910/chapters/85234081

https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExecutiveCucumber/works

[justapoet]

gonna be okay (but surely not today)

He snapped out of it and smiled, though, when TK stepped closer. His smile shortly died at TK's expression, empty and pale, and he moved to put his feet on the ground.

"TK, are you―" he started, but the paramedic was quick to approach him and put one hand over the one Carlos was reaching his way.

"I'm sorry," he said, and Carlos frowned with worry. TK took a deep breath and sighed, clearing his throat and thoughts about what he had to say. "About that day at the station. I hit you, I jostled you, and I―"

"We talked about this, babe," Carlos said, cutting him off, and TK shook his head. "You don't need to apologize for anything―"

"No, no― Carlos," TK called, cutting him mid-sentence, and holding his hand. "I need to apologize because I was wrong."

Or,

TK apologizes as he should have done, and they talk about feelings, fires, and maybes.

2.5k

read on Ao3

It was still weird to be walking back to one of the guest rooms at his father's house two days later. Not entirely because he was sure Carlos would be there, waiting for him, but because that place hasn't been his home for a little while, now, even before he had actually moved out, and because he had nowhere else to be those days.

Everything went down to ashes, and there was absolutely nothing they could save from the fire.

TK was almost sure half of his soul was included in that. And so was Carlos'.

It had been a weird and numb couple of days if being honest. Not only for the 126 in the firehouse, but mainly for Carlos and TK, who hadn't been able to stand more than five feet apart from each other and, yet, seemed to be way too far from reach.

It had been quiet, and that's for sure. The two of them didn't really talk about anything that had happened ― not the fire, nor the arrest and even less about their discussion at the firehouse ―, and seemed to be absorbed in a string of thoughts that wouldn't really lead anywhere helpful nor beautiful.

Yet, they couldn't get to untangle it.

On the day before, they had been wrapped around each other most of the time, silently crying and not making any questions ― they knew the answers and didn't need it to hurt more than it was already doing. No one disturbed them, the warning that they needed time being fastly spread around the 126, Gwyn, Andrea, and even Billy and Carlos' station.

That was something they were definitely thankful for.

That morning when TK woke up, though, that was restless energy rushing through his veins, making his heart race and his mind fly high on low thoughts. He had woken up just to see Carlos sleeping peacefully, although the wrinkle on his nose was a little deeper than it should be on a good day, and took his time to watch him for a while, trying to calm his heart down. It worked, mainly when his boyfriend woke up and offered him a gentle, sluggish smile, causing half of his anxiety to melt.

The other half, though, had led him to a meeting.

The only person he said it to was Judd since Owen was freaking out over fixing the firehouse, and Carlos seemed to be dealing with too much for TK to throw this over his shoulders too, and TK couldn't be more thankful when the Texan showed up in his pickup truck to give him a ride.

They talked all the way until there, but the ride back was deadly silent. Judd didn't say a thing about it and kindly smiled when he parked in front of Owen's house, and TK really thought he could cry with such a brotherly figure he had found.

Now, while silently pacing through the house, it was hard to tell which words were chaotically dancing around his head and which ones he could really say out loud.

It all stopped when he came into the room to find Carlos sitting on the bed, his legs stretched over the mattress and his eyes unfocused, focusing on the wall at the other side of the room.

He snapped out of it and smiled, though, when TK stepped closer. His smile shortly died at TK's expression, empty and pale, and he moved to put his feet on the ground.

"TK, are you―" he started, but the paramedic was quick to approach him and put one hand over the one Carlos was reaching his way.

"I'm sorry," he said, and Carlos frowned with worry. TK took a deep breath and sighed, clearing his throat and thoughts about what he had to say. "About that day at the station. I hit you, I jostled you, and I―"

"We talked about this, babe," Carlos said, cutting him off, and TK shook his head. "You don't need to apologize for anything―"

"No, no― Carlos," TK called, cutting him mid-sentence, and holding his hand. "I need to apologize because I was wrong, and I should have never hit you the way I did. No matter what was happening or what I was feeling, I should have never shoved you like that," he said, and Carlos looked down at the mattress when TK searched for his eyes. "And I am sorry, I really am. You don't need to forgive me, of course, because―"

"I forgive you," Carlos said, and TK stopped talking. The cop was still looking at the mattress, and it took the paramedic a second to understand what he had said. TK blinked, quite surprised. "But―"

The paramedic frowned when Carlos interrupted himself, breathing deep. Part of his heart shattered with where that word could lead the both of them, and the other could only think he deserved to be left after such an unforgivable behavior.

But we can't be together anymore.

But I can't be with someone who doesn't know how to control his emotions or impulses.

But I don't want to be with you anymore.

And, of course, TK would understand him perfectly in each situation. It doesn't mean it didn't hurt like hell, though.

"But?" TK asked, his heart racing.

"But we gotta work out the way you bottle things up or let them out," Carlos said, looking up at the man in front of him. "And this is about that day at the station and the day you got arrested. You can't solve problems like this, TK," he said, and TK nodded in agreement.

"I really have a thing for shitty coping mechanisms," he said, more like a joke, but didn't try to smile when Carlos looked back at the mattress, his eyes getting lost for a second. "But I'm not the only one who bottle things up, uh?" he said, and Carlos didn't seem to hear him for a few seconds.

Carlos sighed and closed his eyes for a while, pressing his lips together before letting in a shaky breath and letting out a crying noise. TK furrowed his brows, his heart aching inside his chest for the pain Carlos had been holding in since the fire two nights before.

"Carlos?" TK called again, putting a hand over the other man's knee and leaning a bit closer to him. Carlos shook his head a bit, almost the same thing he had done when TK asked him how he was doing when they were both standing a little far from the wreckage of once was their house.

"I didn't want to get up this morning," Carlos said, his voice so low and so broken that it made TK's stomach flip in agony inside his body. The cop sniffed, and TK only tightened the grip on his hand when Carlos opened his mouth to say something, but not a word, and nothing more than a faint cry came out.

And that was the thing: Carlos had always been the strong one in any relationship he had ever had, and letting his feelings out had never been an option. He had to be the strong one, the one people would come to when they needed some shelter, some comfort ― he was never the one to seek it in the first place.

If he ever did that, his father's words about how he was "too soft" would come echoing inside his mind, shattering his heart and cracking up his soul. So, he never did it ― he would never let himself be vulnerable because the thing about having a good heart behind a shield is that it can break apart.

And he couldn't be the one falling to pieces.

Read the rest on Ao3

[bellakitse]

The Future Holds

“You’ve come so far,” she says softly as she reaches for his hand, holding it between her warm and loving ones. “I still remember the day you told me you liked boys.”

*

Carlos and his mother share a moment as they celebrate his engagement.

Written for @carlosreyesweek - Day 4: “You’ve come so far.” + Future

I mentioned it on AO3 but, today is the one-year anniversary of the day I published my first Tarlos fic and joined this fandom and I just wanted to say thank you for all the love and kindness this beautiful fandom has given me. 💗💗

Carlos Reyes sits on the back porch of his mother’s house. He watches with a smile as his family and friends mingle about the backyard, laughing and talking as they eat the feast his mother has prepared for the occasion. His eyes run over the collection of people he cares most about in this world before landing on the love of his life. He feels his heart expand as he takes him in across the yard, chatting away with his older sister with a smile so bright Carlos can see it from here.

“He looks good like that.”

Carlos looks up to find his mother behind him, a smile of her own as she watches her daughter and her future son-in-law. She pulls her gaze away from them to give him a mischievous smile that has Carlos snorting and shaking his head at her lack of subtlety. He turns back to TK just in time to see him blow raspberries into the neck of the baby in his arms, Adrian, Valentina’s nine-month-old, causing the little boy to let out a delightful high-pitched giggle that echos through the place. The baby had taken a liking to TK from the very first time he saw him, reaching out for him from his mother’s hold. It’s been like that every time since. If TK is in the room, Adrian wants to be held by him.

“He’s going to make a wonderful dad,” his mother continues shamelessly, causing him to huff in amusement.

“Mami, we literally just got engaged,” he reminds her, his stomach flipping at the words. He’s engaged to TK Strand. He’s still not sure how he pulled that off. “How about you wait till the wedding day before you plan for more grandchildren?”

His mother rolls her eyes playfully at him as she sits down next to him on the loveseat. “I’m just moving things along,” she protests with a grin on her lips. “I’m not getting any younger, Carlos Reyes.”

Carlos gasps dramatically. “Are you calling yourself old, Carlota Reyes?”

“Watch it, smartass,” his mother answers with narrowed eyes. “Just because you’re an engaged man doesn’t mean I can’t ground you.”

Carlos throws his head back as he laughs, the giddiness he’s been feeling since TK said yes to his proposal bursting out of him as it has for the last week since it happened. He keeps reliving the moment, how beautiful TK’s smile was as he went on one knee. The way he’d bobbed his head up and down in agreement before getting the words out. Laughing and crying as he finally said yes and let Carlos put his ring on his finger, before also going to his knees to kiss Carlos, smiling the whole time. They hadn’t made it off the floor and instead made love right there, letting the dinner Carlos planned get cold.

“You’re getting married, nene,” his mother whispers, pulling him out of the wonderful memory. Looking at her, he shakes his head at the tears he finds in her eyes.

“Uh-uh,” he scolds her softly. “You cried when we told you, and you cried earlier when we came into this party. We still have months of planning the wedding and the wedding itself. You have to pace yourself woman, or you’re gonna dehydrate.”

His mom lets out a chuckling sniffle that makes Carlos grin. “Bandito,” she says with fond amusement before the humor leaves her face for something more serious. “You’ve come so far,” she says softly as she reaches for his hand, holding it between her warm and loving ones. “I still remember the day you told me you liked boys.”

Carlos smiles at her words even as he feels a lump forming in his throat. “We were in the kitchen making pozole, and I just blurted it out. I couldn’t hold it in for a second longer.”

Carlota nods in agreement. “You looked so scared,” she says remorsefully. “I had never seen you look like that, and I hated it.”

“I wasn’t scared of you, Mami,” he whispers, feeling his eyes sting at her sudden sadness. “Deep down, I knew you would love me no matter what – I just didn’t want to disappoint you.”

“Oh, my love,” his mother breathes out, and Carlos can’t help the tear that breaks free, sliding down his face. “You have never in your life, not even for one second, disappointed me, ever,” his mother lets go of his hand to run her fingers through his hair before cradling his face. “My beautiful son, you have been one of my greatest blessings, and I’m so proud to be your mom. You hear me?”

Carlos gives her a shaky nod, the tears rolling freely before he’s pulled into a tight and fierce hug by her. He sinks into it the same way he did when he was fifteen years old in their kitchen, freshly out of the closet.

“I love you, mi corazón,” she whispers into his ear, and all Carlos can do is squeeze her tighter as he tells her he loves her too. He’s not sure how long they stay like that, but they only pull away when they hear a clearing of someone’s throat. Separating, they find a pair of green eyes looking at them with affection.

“Hey,” TK says softly with a hesitant smile on his face. He’s still holding Adrian in his arms as the little boy plays with the collar of his shirt, trying and failing to pull it into his mouth. “You guys okay?”

Carlos is still wiping at his face when his mother stands up in front of TK.

“We’re good,” she says to him with a smile. She reaches out to touch TK’s face like she did just moments ago with him. Carlos feels his heart fill at the way TK leans into the touch. “You promise to love and take care of him, mijo?”

TK looks over at him. The love shining in his eyes takes Carlos’ breath away.

“Always, ma’am,” TK says to his mother with the utmost seriousness. “I’m going to spend the rest of my life making sure your son feels safe, happy, and loved, I promise you.”

Carlos feels his heart slam against his chest at TK’s conviction and the absolute devotion he hears in his words.

“That’s my favorite white boy,” his mother teases with a wide grin, proving she spends too much time with his sisters. He rolls his eyes when it makes TK laugh with delight.

Carlota goes to her tiptoes as she tugs TK forward, kissing him on his brow. She takes Adrian out of TK’s arms, cuddling him when he whimpers a bit. “Yes, yes, we all know TK is your favorite,” she says to the baby, kissing his hair as he settles in her arms. “But it’s your uncle’s turn to cuddle with him for a while.”

She flashes them a smile as TK comes to sit next to him. “My son is too chicken to tell you, but I’m not,” she starts, smirking when he urgently shakes his head at her. “I want more grandkids, soon.”

“Mami,” he groans deeply while TK stammers as he tries to answer.

“We – ah – I mean, we’ll try our best, Carlota,” he finally says, his face a shade of pink.

Carlos sighs deeply while his mother smiles widely. “See,” she says, pointing at TK victoriously. “Getting in good with the in-laws. He’s a smart one.”

Carlota gives them one last smile before she turns from them to join the rest of the party.

“Please don’t listen to her,” he says once they’re alone. “She’s a meddler.”

“It’s fine,” TK assures him with a soft smile. “It’s early, sure, but I love that she’s excited about us having kids in the future. She and my dad are going to spoil the hell out of them.”

Carlos feels his heart race at the casual way TK mentions their future children, he might not be ready to talk about it, but it doesn’t mean his mother is wrong. He dreams on the regular about what having kids with TK will be like. The thought fills him with warmth and happiness.

“We have time,” he answers instead, getting a smile in return.

“We have the rest of our lives,” TK assures him, reminding Carlos of the promise TK made moments ago to his mother.

“So you said,” he says quietly. He lets out a soft exhale as TK leans in, rubbing the tip of his nose against his before he presses his lips to Carlos’ mouth. He lets TK kiss him, soft and slow, taking his time as he steals Carlos’ heart for the millionth time with one of his kisses.

“I meant it,” TK whispers as he breaks the kiss but doesn’t pull back. This close, Carlos can see every emotion in his stunning green eyes. “Every day for the rest of our lives, I’m going to wake up with one purpose. To make sure you are happy and that you know just how much I love you.”

Carlos presses his forehead against TK’s, overwhelmed by his words. “Me too,” he promises back. “Every day, sweetheart. All I want is to make you happy and keep you safe.”

TK smiles; he gives him another gentle kiss on his lips, and then another on his cheek, followed by a third across Carlos’ jaw before he rests his head on his shoulder. Carlos wraps an arm around his waist, holding him close. They stay like that, quietly basking in their love and the future they have to look forward to, while around them, the rest of their combined families continue to celebrate with them.

Holding the love of his life, Carlos can’t help but agree with his mother. From that scared 15-year-old in their kitchen to now. How far he’s come.

[marjansmarwani]

I’m far away, but I am right there 

1.6k || ao3

While TK is fighting the wildfire Carlos does his best not to worry. Mostly, he fails. Fortunately for him, he has someone on his side too. ---- Missing moment (I'd like to think) from 2x03

A slightly belated gift for the wonderful @lonestarbabe! I originally was working on something completely different, but I wanted to give you something with some Mya. I hope you enjoy it 💕

Beta’d by @officereyes and title courtesy of @firefighterstrand 

----------------

The weeks-long battle against the San Angelo fire continues at this hour, with officials now saying the blaze has consumed more than 180,000 acres with less than 5% containment. 

They had the news on again. 

Carlos did his best to ignore it, willing himself to focus solely on his paperwork and nothing else. 

Response teams are exhausted, most of them having been in this fight for days now in dangerous and inhospitable conditions, grabbing what little rest they can, here on the front lines of this inferno. 

But it was hard when all his brain wanted to do was worry about TK. His boyfriend was 200 miles from home on the front lines of the worst wildfire in Texas history, and tidbits of information like that were not helpful in lessening his worry.

At first he told himself it would be fine, it would just be a day or two before they’d have the fires under control. But as one day stretched into several and then became a week, it became harder with each passing breath to not focus solely on this fear. He wondered if this is how his past boyfriends had felt about his job. Secretly he doubted it; not because of the lack of risks, but because of their lack of investment. But if they had ever felt even an inkling of this, he was sorry he had put them through that. 

Distantly someone made a smartass comment about the coverage and Carlos clenched his jaw in an effort to not bite their head off. He was writing with just a little bit more force than usual when the chair beside his desk was suddenly filled as his partner plopped down next to him, eyebrows raised: “you look like a walking tension headache.” 

“With observation skills like that it’s a wonder you haven’t made detective yet.” 

Mya raised an eyebrow at his tone and his words, “and so pleasant too.” 

Carlos put down his pen and sighed, running a hand down his face before turning to face her, “I’m sorry, I’m just a little…”

“Tense? Worried? Acting like a dick?” Mya provided helpfully. 

“Yes, yes, and I’m sorry,” Carlos replied, glancing over his shoulder at the news footage still running, “I just hate thinking about it. I hate that he’s facing that,” he gestured to news currently showing what seemed to be just acres of flames and a permanently smoke-filled sky, “and there’s nothing I can do about it.” 

Mya’s expression softened as she leaned closer, “I hate to break it to you Carlos, but you’re human. Those feelings come with the territory. Especially when you’re in love.” 

That caught Carlos’s attention. He had returned to his paperwork, but now he faltered in his writing, pen pausing on the form he was filling out, freezing before he slowly looked up to meet his partner’s knowing and marginally smug expression. He shook his head, “I’m not...I never said…” 

Now Mya scoffed, “Please. Like it’s not painfully obvious to everyone but the two of you.” 

She looked at him expectantly, but Carlos was quiet after her words and her knowing grin shifted into a frown, “That’s not a bad thing, Carlos. You two love each other. In most universes, we call that a good thing.”

Carlos was quiet again before he turned to look at her, “yeah, I know.”

She waited but he didn’t elaborate. “And?” she prompted, “I feel like there’s a but.” 

“But,” he agreed, “I just never really thought about it before, you know?” 

She still looked puzzled but when he glanced at the news again, something seemed to click in her mind: “You’ve never said it to him.” 

Carlos peeled his eyes away from the new footage to meet hers once again, “No,” he agreed quietly, “I haven’t.”    

“And now you’re doing your pessimist thing and wondering if maybe you won’t have the chance now.” 

“I am not a pessimist,” Carlos objected hotly before deflating, “but yes. I mean, Mya, he’s on the front lines of the worst wildfire in Texas history. And he’s an incredible danger magnet. I’m just…” 

“Worried,” Mya finished, and Carlos nodded. “Got any advice for that?” he asked in what he hoped was a joking tone, but judging by her expression, he failed. 

“Trust him.” 

He looked at her sharply and she shrugged, “What? You two are the type of couple I use to remind myself love does exist and it’s not all a con by the wedding industry. I don’t really think the universe will pull you two apart just yet. TK is good at what he does, don’t forget that.” 

“I know he is, but…” 

Mya scowled at him and picked up one of the paperclips on his desk to flick at him. He swatted it away and gave her a look of indignation, “what was that for?” 

“For being a pessimist again. Stop it. There’s no use dwelling on the worst. Have a little faith, Carlos.” 

“I never thought I’d see the day when you’d be the one telling me off for being a pessimist.”

“Neither did I, but here we are. I don’t like it either, so you better get out of this funk ASAP.” 

Carlos rolled his eyes but was distracted by the sound of his phone vibrating on his desk. Mya followed his gaze to it as he picked it up, “Is that him?” 

He shook his head as he read the message, frown deepening, “no, it’s his mom.” 

“You’re texting his mom? And you’re having doubts about your feelings for him?” 

“I never said I was having doubts about my feelings,” Carlos countered, “and it’s practical. He doesn’t get a lot of time to make calls so we keep each other updated when one of us hears from him.” 

“What does he have to say? Are they wrapping up?” 

“No,” Carlos said grimly, setting down his phone, “his dad is missing in action.” 

“What?”

“Apparently he was doing an aerial search and his helicopter went down, inside the active burn zone.”

“Shit.”

The two partners sat in silence for a few moments before Carlos finally asked the question echoing in his mind, “what are the chances TK doesn’t end up going after him, even though he was told to stand down?” 

“Little to none.” 

Carlos sighed, leaning forward and pinching the bridge of his nose, “that’s what I thought.” 

“Hey,” Mya said bracingly, leaning forward, “don’t forget what we just said. Your boy’s smart and good at what he does. And he has something pretty special to come home to. He’s not going to do anything stupid. Well, nothing really stupid,” she amended when Carlos gave her a skeptical look, “he’s going to be fine, and back before you know it.” 

“I hope you’re right,” Carlos replied quietly, “you have no idea how much I hope you’re right.” 

Mya gave him a sad smile, leaning across his desk to place a comforting hand on his arm, “Lucky for you, I usually am.”

Despite everything, he smiled, “Yeah,” he agreed, “you usually are.” 

“I am so glad to know you have finally admitted my brilliance,” she quipped with a grin, “but that also means you should believe me when I say that it’s going to be fine. You just need to believe in him, and trust him.”

Carlos was quiet again for a few moments before he responded, voice thick with emotion, “I do,” he told her, “I do believe in him and trust him. More than anyone else.” 

“Then all that’s left for you to do is wait, and be ready to be there for him when he gets home.” 

Carlos turned his head, glancing at the news coverage again. It still looked like hell on earth, and he still hated the thought of TK anywhere near it, but Mya was right. About so many things. He did love TK, and he intended to tell him. But that would have to wait for when he came home, and Carlos would be ready for him. For whatever he needed. 

“Thank you,” he told Mya, “really.” 

Mya smiled at him: a sweet and sincere thing. She rose from the chair beside his desk, squeezing his arm as she moved away, “Anything for you two. I’m rooting for you, you know. Can’t have my favorite couple falling apart on my watch.” 

“Are you shipping us?”

“Who isn’t?” 

With that, she turned to leave and Carlos called after her, “Just wait until you find that someone. I am never going to give you a moment of peace so you’ll know exactly how it feels.” 

“That is a risk I am willing to take,” Mya called over her shoulder. 

Carlos rolled his eyes at her, still smiling at her antics until his gaze caught the phone in his hand once again and he could feel the fear rise up again. He knew Mya was right, TK was good at what he did. That didn’t quell the fear; the enormous weight of knowing someone you loved was in need of help that you couldn’t provide. It made him feel helpless, and Carlos Reyes did not like feeling helpless. 

Mya was right about something else too, he thought as he put his phone down and forced his focus back to the task at hand. His boyfriend would come back home. And when he did, he would need someone to lean on. Carlos fully intended to be that something, but until then he just needed to trust TK. 

In so many ways trust and love were the same thing; so as long as he loved him, he could trust him too.  

[secretlittlerandezvous]

Douchebag - Carter Hart

Summary: The reader is the new sideline reporter. On her first day at work she meets Carter. He insults her for no reason and later makes up for it when he helps her at the right time.

Words: 2140

“You must be Y/n L/n! I’m Claude Giroux the team’s captain,” the significantly taller man ran to me as I was wandering through the hallway trying to decide whether it was a good idea to knock on the locker room’s door and introduce myself to the team or if it was way too daring. “It’s nice to meet you.” He added.

“That’s me!” I said with a nervous smile but relaxed once he smiled back at me. “Nice to meet you too. I was just about to go and introduce myself to the team.”

“Then we have the same way,” he said with a smile and started walking towards the locker room. I happily followed him with more courage than I would have if I had to do it alone. After all, it was better to come together with their captain than to knock on their door and disturb them. “Boys listen up please,” Claude said loudly once we entered the room. All eyes immediately focused on my and everyone waited for either for me or Claude to explain what was going on. Claude looked at me and with an encouraging smile, he gave me the signal to talk.

“Hey guys,” I said with a wide smile to mask my nervousness. I felt like a student who had to introduce herself on the first day of school which was usually my biggest fear. All the players I’ve adored for years were now looking at me as I stood in their locker room as if it wasn’t a big deal. “I’m Y/n L/n, the new sideline reporter. I just wanted to introduce myself since we're going to see each other quite often.” The boys greeted me and welcomed me with more excitement than I expected but I felt grateful I was going to work with so many amazing people.

A couple of minutes later it was time for me to get ready for my first live broadcast. Stress was replaced by excitement and excitement was replaced by fear and doubt. The emotions left and came back quickly, and I was getting lost in myself. I was supposed to feel only joy and happiness. It was the day my dream finally came true, it was the day I would do my first live reportage and the day I could finally and officially call myself a sideline reporter which was something I prayed ever since I was little. The crew was nice and friendly and all the players and hockey staff I met so far, we're just as friendly. I knew everything was going to work out well.

“That’s it for now but make sure to watch another live update from the Wells Fargo Center today at 4 pm!” I said with a smile and the moment I got the signal that told me the camera was off I finally took a deep breath and relaxed.

“You did great Y/n! Congrats on a perfect first day at work.” The cameraman smiled at me and the rest of the crew was quick to follow with the gratulations.

Soon I was left alone at the ice rink with three players who stayed a little longer while everyone else left immediately after their morning skate ended. “Oh, hello! You must be Y/n the new sideline reporter,” to my surprise I saw the three players coming slowly but surely closer to me. “I’m Nols and this is Travis and Carter.” Nolan introduced himself and his companions. He and Travis shook my hand and hugged me as a friendly gesture while Carter only mumbled something under his breath and didn’t bother to even look up at me. “We heard you already met the boys, so we thought it was only fair to introduce ourselves since we were late.”

The conversation went smoothly, and I couldn’t help but feel like I was talking to old friends I haven’t seen for a while. They asked me about my life and about my first day at work while I asked them about their feelings from the upcoming game. Carter didn’t talk unless he had to and when he did, he usually didn’t say more than three words. He was the only person who made me feel I was not welcomed with his snarky comments, but I always shook it off thanks to Nols and TK who were both funny and nice.

“I think we should get going. We have a meeting in a bit,” Travis said as he looked at the time on his phone. “It feels really good to have you here Y/n! Am I right boys?” He turned to the boys and while Nolan nodded with a smile Carter didn’t look impressed at all. “What do you think, Hart?”

“Oh please! Just another naive chick who thinks she’s gonna charm one of us enough to date her,” he said rolling his eyes. “You’re gonna stand in my way all day or what? That’s definitely not going to impress me.”

“Well, I can assure you all that this definitely isn’t the reason why I am here,” I paused to take a deep breath and continued. “Just as I’m in no way interested in standing in the way of some douchebag,” I said to Carter with a sweet smile and then stepped aside so he could walk away. He didn’t say anything and left.

“We’re sorry about him,” Travis said. “He’s in a bad mood all day. But don’t let that scare you.”

“You should grab a drink with us on Friday! Others are coming too, and it’d be a great way to meet everyone. Noir bar on Passyunk Ave at 10!”

“I’ll be there,” I answered and watched them leave.

I left the arena and sat down on the bench just a few feet away from the entrance to take a break and process everything that happened throughout the day. I tried my best not to think of Carter and his unfriendly behavior however my thoughts always went right back to him. Carter seemed to be nice to everyone, to his teammates, to the staff and fans however when it came to me he was cold and I didn’t understand why. This was our first encounter; the first time we talked or saw each other so logically he had no reason to dislike me. The remarks had, the sarcastic laugh I heard whenever I said something, the way he rolled his eyes at me or the tone in his voice when he talked to me; it was enough to make me nervous about all future encounters with him.

“And there you are again standing in my way,” the cold tone of his voice disturbed me from my thoughts and made me jump a little because he scared me. Why it couldn’t be anyone else? Anyone but him. “Are you gonna state at me like that it will you move away?”

“What’s your problem? There are other benches where you can sit,” I said pointing out at all the benches that weren’t taken.

“It’s my spot,” he answered with a smile. “And if I’m not wrong then I work here longer than you so it’s only fair you leave when I tell you to.”

“You talk like this to everyone? Or just to girls?” I asked genuinely wanting to know if this was the usual way, he talked to people or if only girls received this from. I couldn’t imagine him acting like this towards his teammates and other men but then again nothing’s impossible.

“Just the ones who hang out around here acting like they own this place.”

“Says the guy arguing about a stupid bench,” I chuckled. “Have a nice day Hart.” I waved at him and left. Arguing with him seemed useless anyway.

...

The Noir bar was a small and low key place and way too crowded for my taste however I couldn’t expect it to be empty on a Friday night. Everyone seemed to be drinking beer and so I ordered one for myself and joined the boys. Carter was there as well but he didn’t say a single word to me, and I could only hope he decided not to acknowledge my presence at all. I had no desire to talk to him as everyone was more than friendly to me. Everyone including the girlfriends accepted me to their group and in just a few minutes I felt like I was with a group of friends I knew for many years.

“Gonna get some more beer,” I announced as I stood up and slowly made my way through the crowd to the bar.

I sat down on the bar chair as I waited occasionally talking to the barman.

“Here alone pretty face?” A male voice said from behind him and I felt him sit down right next to me. “I could keep you good company honey. And not just here in the bar.” He continued as he slowly placed his hand on my thigh. I looked up at him; he had a sleazy look on his face, his gray and balding head made me think he was much older than I was, he smelled like alcohol and cigarettes and his clothes were dirty.

“Not interested,” I mumbled and removed his hand from my leg. He chuckled and tried to place his hand back, but I stopped him once again. “And I mean it,” I added with much more seriousness.

“Don’t act like that sweetie,” he smiled at me and got closer to me. “You look like you love it rough.” He whispered.

“You didn’t hear me or what?” I said loudly. A few heads turned around, but no one cares enough to come and help me get the man away from me.

“You sweet little innocent girls always say that, but do you ever really mean it?” He laughed. “You’ll like it I promise.” He places his hand in mind this time and then quickly grabbed it which got me back on my feet. He held my hand tightly and started pulling me closer to his sweating body.

“I think she’s not interested,” another man said from behind. I couldn’t see him, but his voice was very familiar, much younger and softer than the man’s voice who was still holding my hand. “In fact, the whole bar heard she’s not interested.” He added after a while. He pushed the man away from which finally met him let go of my hand. He almost fell on the floor which seemed to get him angry. I then looked behind me to see my rescuer and to my surprise I found Carter standing there. He looked angry and his hands were in fists as if he was expecting a fight.

“Ohh, what you’re gonna do huh? You’re still a little kid and girls like her are for the proper man.” He laughed as he looked at Carter. The man was older however Carter was much taller, and I didn’t doubt he was also much stronger. “Come here, angel.” He told me and grabbed my hips. He almost kissed me, but Carter pushed me aside and hid me behind himself and then he punched the man into his face. The man fell down this time and when he got back to his feet his nose was bleeding. He seemed to think whether he should do the same to Carter but in the end, he left. I heard him mumble something under his breath, but I didn’t care at all.

“Are you okay?” Carter looked at me and checked for any signs of injury. I nodded and sat on the bar chair once again taking a sip of the cold beer that was waiting for me.

“I’m okay,” I said. “Thanks to you.” I smiled at him and for the first time, he smiled at me back. His face looked more friendly now.

“I came to apologize when I heard you and saw him touch you,” he said nervously. “I wanted to apologize for my behavior a few days back. I know there’s no excuse for it but I was in a really bad mood that day and well I took it out on you.”

“That’s alright I guess,” I said. “We all have bad days.” Normally I wouldn’t accept his apology this quickly and I would wait to see if he was serious or not but considering he was the only one to help me and saved me from that man I didn’t need any other proof or reason to forgive him.”

“I also wanted to ask if you’d go on a date with me? I’d like to prove I’m really not such a jerk.” He laughed.

 Does that mean I charmed you enough to date me?” I joked. “I’d love to go on a date with my savior.”

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

I feel bad for JK. He's the jealous BF in every pairing. I say support who you want, but if JM came out tomorrow and said come out of your imagination about Vmin (The way V did about TK) or V went on camera saying his and JM's relationship was awkward (The way JK did about V), I would pack it up. Yet Tkrs continue to disrespect Tae and JK. Sometimes JKrs too cause they also cast JK as the jealous, insecure boyfriend. Too bad, neither group sees One half of their ships are in love with each other

This turned into a bit of a rant, I hope you don’t mind...

Leaving aside my opinions on T*ak*ok and J*k*ok as “romantic ships” and focusing just on the actual people, or more specifically on Jungkook (as well as those who use him for their ships in toxic manners), I very much agree. 

Jungkook is a good person, a kindhearted one at that, he works incredibly hard, he’s incredibly hard on himself, holds himself to a sky high standard, and is a perfectionist at that, he tries his best regardless of what it is he’s doing, his heart is so big, pure and filled with love not only for his hyungs but also for ARMY, even though some have done him incredibly dirty in the past, and others continue to do so to this day and chances are they likely won’t stop any time soon. Jungkook is also a romantic, someone who believes he will hear bells when he’ll meet/look at the person he’s destined to be with/his one true love, someone who wrote Still With You for ARMY and tried his best to convey his emotions just right, who even has the word tattooed on his hand, is someone who’s sensitive to smells, likes doing laundry and snuggles against his hyungs when he’s cold. He cried and was inconsolable when Hobi temporarily left Bangtan, recorded a song cover in 30 minutes simply because Namjoon said the song would fit his voice, and he painted a pretty painting for Hobi simply because he asked him for it.

Remember when Jungkook was a guest on Yoongi’s ‘radio’ in May 2020? How nervous he was and how he felt the need to explain himself and apologize to ARMY for potentially having upset us, even though, realistically, there was nothing really there for what he would have to apologize and with how some were quick to throw him under the bus (again), if anyone should’ve apologized, it would’ve been those people. To this day Jungkook continues to rarely be on social media, rarely posts a selca and goes on vlive even less, and honestly, I completely understand him. I would do the same, though I won’t pretend that I know his exact reasoning.

Like you said, there is a large portion of shippers (not all of them, of course, but I’m specifically talking about the bad ones here, and my opinions on these shippers have no connection whatsoever with my opinions on and love for the maknaes and their bonds, just so we’re clear) who have created this alternative reality version of him which shares no resemblance with who he actually is beyond the name and body. Somehow, they’ve created this jealous, possessive and toxic version of him that constantly feels the need to mark his territory, gets angry and has controlling tendencies toward either Jimin or Tae (oddly enough I haven’t seen that happen as much when he’s shipped with a member of the hyung line), depending on which camp you ask. How long did it take for “JK was so jealous” analysis videos to appear after RUN episode 128 and that moment of Tae kissing Seokjin’s cheek? An hour, two?

And if that’s not what they are doing, they overs*xualize him to the point where it just feels gross and so dehumanizing it crosses every imaginable line. Or they infantilize him as though he were still the teenage boy we got to know when they debuted 7.5 years ago, which is especially ironic and weird when the people who do this are younger than him.

Of course this isn’t just an issue with Jungkook, it’s something that happens with all three of the maknaes, but I feel like it happens a little differently (or manifests itself differently) for each one of them, and Jungkook, being involved in both of the main big ships, basically has it worst. He isn’t treated as someone they love or admire, not because he’s part of their ship but because of his talents and other qualities as idol and human being, but as basically a human Sim that shippers project their own fantasies onto. They lack respect and the bare minimum of human decency. They don’t care about him as person, barely care about his music if they can’t find a way to connect it to their ship, they just want him to look pretty and act accordingly so they can continue living their shipper lives and search for “proof”, even if sometimes that means twisting reality, ignoring context, and making someone out of Jungkook who he really is not.

And honestly, just like you, if Tae or Jimin would come online and say “get out of your imagination” about vmin, I would accept that immediately and move on. Sure, I’d be a little sad and surprised, but I wouldn’t look for ways to twist their words to create some kind of false deniability of their statement, wouldn’t try to find some kind of loophole that would allow me to ignore their words and continue doing what we do. But, unfortunately, many don’t think that way. Clearly.

At some point, I think, some have forgotten why we are here in the first place, as well as the fact that Jungkook, Jimin and Taehyung are actual living, breathing human beings, and not fictional characters. We are here, first and foremost, for their music, since that’s what got us interested in them in the first place, right? Or at least that’s how it should be, though I know visual stans are a thing, and apparently shipping stans also seem to be a thing that exists. And sure, shipping is fun, having a pair you particularly like together for one reason or another, because you think there might actually be something there, like we do as vminnies, or because you simply like their dynamic, but the moment your entire existence as ARMY is merely revolving around your ship and finding ways to prove, against all logic and contextual evidence, that they are real, even if it means disrespecting the people that are part of your ship, as well as the other five people in the group they love more than anyone, that’s when you’ve gone too far. Way too far.

We know how much Jungkook loves the members, how much he respects them, and we know he had a bit of an awkward rough patch (at least partially) with Tae, since they told us about that, and he enjoys spending time and being silly with Jimin, and yet ship camp one and two have no issue disrespecting, belittling, badmouthing and erasing his friendships with either of them, or basically flat out calling him a liar (or a BH controlled puppet with no free will or ability to speak out when he doesn’t like something) because what he said about his friendship with Tae doesn’t fit their agenda.

Jungkook is basically stripped of all agency, humanity, free will, and everything else that makes him a person, an idol, and just an extremely talented and kind individual. They even try to take away his name despite the well-known fact that Koreans don’t change last names. It’s upsetting, unsettling, and wrong on every possible level.

I couldn’t care less which BTS duo others ship, I’m not the kind of person who will go and try to convince others that I’m right and they are wrong because, for all we know, we could all be wrong, but I think the least anyone in the shipping world can do is have enough restraint and humanity in them to show a bare minimum of respect for the people they ship and treat them like human beings, not Sims or dolls. Especially since we know the members are aware of all of this to some degree because there is no way they didn’t notice all the comments during vlives across the years, didn’t notice the videos on YouTube (we know Jungkook looks up reaction videos etc), and didn’t notice the posts on Weverse, after all we had Tae tell off a shipper.

All I really wish for is for people to see and treat Jungkook as the good, kind, intelligent and talented person he is. Ship him with whoever you want, that’s none of my business, but please respect him and see him for who he is, not who you’d want him to be so there would be more drama to theorize about. It’s the least he deserves. It’s the least all of them do.

[ao3theskyisblue]

Here’s to everyone (but mostly us)

Summary: 

"Have you ever thought what the world would be like if we hadn't met?"

"I don't know about you, " "But since the day you've appeared in my life, I can't imagine anything else."

Or, a fun little fic to go with that emotional scene in episode 4, where TK mentions being a personal shopper.

For @pragmaticoptimist34 here’s the fic to this post 😊

Click here to read on AO3 :))) 

“Have you ever thought what the world would be like if we hadn’t met?”

Carlos paused with his knife mid-slice, tilting his head up to meet TK’s gaze as the man was currently perched atop the kitchen counter. His posture was relaxed, green eyes shining in curiosity more than anything else, and so Carlos looked back down, resuming his chopping, silently waiting for him to continue.

“How different our lives would be?” TK hummed, swinging his legs gently back and forth. To others, the action may have been distracting, but to Carlos, it was one of the most endearing things he’s learned about his boyfriend. It was cute, how he almost seemed to be doing it unconsciously.

“I don’t know about you,” Carlos set down his knife and picked up the zucchini, moving them from the cutting board to a nearby bowl.

He had planned on making something quick when he asked for TK to bring some baby cucumbers on his way back when he got off shift, but that thought had quickly went out the door when TK arrived, kissed him chastely, and took out two giant zucchinis.

“TK…I asked you to buy cucumbers.”

“I did?” TK pointed to the two green vegetables he had just plopped onto the kitchen counter.

“…”

After rinsing the knife in the sink, he placed it down before looking up at TK again. “But since the day you’ve appeared in my life, I can’t imagine anything else.”

He watched, intrigued, as a pink tint slowly surfaced on TK’s cheeks, chuckling at the fond eye-roll.

“How do you even have the energy to cook and flirt with me right now? You just got off a 12-hour shift.” TK groaned, though the wide smile on his lips told Carlos all he needed to know. Deciding that the fried rice could wait just a little longer, he moved closer to where TK was sitting, smiling when he automatically spread his legs a little to accommodate him into his space.

“We both got off a 12-hour shift. And there is no such thing as being too tired to flirt with you.” Carlos mused, his smile widening as TK leaned in to press a soft kiss to his forehead. “The world could be ending, and I’d still flirt with you, rest assured on that.”

TK let out a sound between a snort and a laugh, leaning in to kiss him again, this time on both cheeks. They stayed like that for a while, bodies pressed in close to chase each other’s warmth. Carlos’ hands were settled comfortably on TK’s lower back, and the latter had squeezed him in tighter with his legs, hands playing with the stray curls on his nape.

And as always, their eyes never strayed far from the other.

Carlos nudged TK lightly when he suddenly let out a small puff of laughter, raising an eyebrow in question.

“I was just thinking of other scenarios where we could have met if life went in a different direction. Can you imagine me as a teacher?” TK snickered, and Carlos leaned back slightly.

“You are very good with kids.” TK’s smile turned a touch softer before returning to mischievous.

“I would create so many situations where they would have to call you in. Just to see you.” TK grinned, one hand shifting to push back some loose strands of hair from Carlos’ face. “I would even put myself through teaching chemistry, just to cause some mishaps.”

If there was a word to describe how much he loved the man in his arms right now, it probably wouldn’t fit in any dictionary.

“Wrong team, babe. Pretty sure they’ll call the fire department first.” Carlos pointed out. TK shrugged, poking a finger to Carlos’ chest, right above his heart.

“You’re going to look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn’t even consider responding for questioning?” TK raised an eyebrow, and…okay yeah, he did have a point.

“If I decided to become a cop, we could have worked together.” TK continued, and Carlos forced the image of TK in full APD uniform out of his mind, not needing another reason to put off their dinner until further notice. He’s already had numerous visual pleasures of TK in his worn out APD shirts, he didn’t need a heart-attack when his boyfriend completed the ensemble.

“HR would probably have had one of us transferring to the other side of the country in a second.”

TK reeled back, as if almost offended by that.

“You don’t think I would make a good colleague?” Carlos gave him a look, not buying the innocent expression for a moment. TK grinned, nudging him with his feet. “I would be on my best behaviour?” His expression didn’t change.

“You’re not the only one who would have to restrain themselves, you know,” Carlos murmured, hearing TK’s breath hitch slightly. “HR would be breathing down on my neck as much as they would be breathing down on yours.”

“We could just get transferred together. Problem solved.” TK suggested, and Carlos rolled his eyes fondly, shaking his head.

“Care to test the theory?”

Carlos frowned, confused.

“That I can convince anyone that I can be in any profession, no matter what you introduce me as.” TK tilted his head adorably, and – what.

“I’m…not sure I understand? Why would – “  

Something passed over TK’s expression, but before Carlos could read what it was, it was gone.

“It’ll be fun! Plus, I like being right.” TK grinned.

And…okay, who was Carlos to not indulge his boyfriend?

“Fine.”

It didn’t mean he couldn’t tease, though.

Moving back towards the cutting board, focusing intensely on the peppers this time, he asked, “You know what you would definitely pull off though?” Without even looking up, he knew TK was looking at him with his eyebrows furrowed adorably as he tried to discern the answer.

“What?”

Carlos gestured towards the zucchinis, grinning widely.

“A personal shopper.”

Carlos laughed, not even trying to dodge as TK kicked him in reprimand.

“And people say I’m the smartass.”

 .

It was rare, but not altogether impossible to see each other accidentally while the other was on the clock.

He had planned on running some errands when he noticed the brazen ‘126’ scribed across a familiar fire truck, its occupants currently putting back their supplies. Carlos recognized most of the equipment being put back were medical related, and they were sporting relaxed expressions so he guessed the call hadn’t been too bad.

He didn’t want to disturb them in the middle of work, and turned to walk back to his car when TK spotted him, smiling in pleasant surprise.

“Carlos?”

And there goes that plan.

Carlos returned the smile, closing the distance between them.

“Hey, you.” They had agreed on keeping the PDA to a minimum while on the job, so Carlos didn’t lean forward to give him the usual quick kiss they usually shared. He noticed TK catching himself before he did just that, and felt warmth blossoming in his chest.

“Is that our dinner?” TK tilted his head towards the bags in his hands, and Carlos gave an affirmative nod.

“I got extra cucumbers, just in case.” Carlos teased, stepping out of the way stealthily as TK lifted his leg.

“That was one time. And I was tired.” TK huffed, lowering his leg to lean against the firetruck casually. Carlos never knew he loved a man in uniform until the day he saw TK in his, the blue shirt tucked neatly into his work pants, tight and accentuating all the right places.

Though, TK could be wearing a burlap sack and still look as beautiful as he looked right now, he just somehow made everything work, much to his never-ending captivation.  

Stepping closer, eyes trailing quickly to see if they were alone, Carlos leaned in to press a quick kiss to the corner of TK’s lips. Leaning back, he chuckled at TK’s stunned expression.

“Reyes?”

Tensing, he saw TK’s eyes widen further as he made a discrete motion for him and turn around. Carlos did exactly that, only to see one of his co-workers heading in their direction.

“It is you! Day off today?” The man, Karl, smiled kindly and Carlos couldn’t do anything but nod slowly.

“Yeah.” Karl looked towards TK curiously, and Carlos hoped the smile on his face wasn’t too awkward. “Karl, this is TK, my b-“ TK nudged him lightly, green eyes now gleaming with mischief. Carlos rolled his eyes at the ‘remember our pact?’ silently being voiced between them and sighed quietly, giving Karl a wary smile.  

“-my colleague.” 

The word tasted funny on his tongue, and felt wrong, but a deal was a deal. He would humour TK and this game of theirs, even though he was sure he sounded not the least bit convincing.

“Your...colleague.” Karl said slowly, as if waiting for something more. When he gave none, the baffled look he gave him keyed him in on how Karl had definitely seen the kiss from earlier.  

And okay, yeah, Carlos himself wouldn’t have been convinced either if that were the case.

“Very close colleagues.” TK grinned, seeming to read the situation now and patted Carlos’ shoulder meaningfully. Karl’s lips twitched further upwards.

“I...see.” He clearly doesn’t see, but still gives them an amused smile. “And here I was thinking that I knew all our colleagues. Especially the pretty ones.” Karl teased, and Carlos couldn’t help laughing lowly as he waggled his eyebrows.  

“I’ll leave you two to it.” Karl chuckled, giving Carlos another knowing look, which he rolled his eyes good-naturedly at. He turned to TK, who was snickering quietly.

“You know, if you hadn’t kissed me, he might have bought it.” TK hummed, grinning mirthfully. Carlos looked at him wryly, shaking his head.

“Should I take back that kiss then?” Carlos mused, his lips tugging up into a smile at TK’s immediate ‘no.’

“Kisses have a no take-back rule. It’s practically law.” TK said seriously, and Carlos grinned.

“Law, huh?”

TK straightened himself from leaning against the firetruck to take his free hand, lifting it up to press a gentle kiss to his knuckles. He wasn’t sure his heart got the message to stay calm, and quietly wondered if TK could hear it practically beating out of his chest.

“I’ll see you at home?” TK’s eyes crinkled with that smile, making Carlos feel all mushy inside, as if he needed any more reason for his heart to stop beating at all from overdrive.

He squeezed their tangled hands, suddenly feeling the world warming seamlessly around them.

“Stay safe.”

 .

Four tacos, one bubble tea and three napkins later, TK was on the verge of debating whether he should just call in for a day off with how full he was.

“You know, if you keep on spoiling me like this, I’m not going to fit into my uniform soon.”

His elbows were placed comfortably on the wooden bench, his chin leaning over to rest lightly over his clasped hands. Carlos tossed the last of his own napkins into the compostable container before looking up, lips twitching in amusement. His eyes trailed down slowly down the length of his body, the slight heat in his languid gaze sending a pulse of heat through TK’s body.

“Sounds like a win-win to me.” Carlos mused, chuckling as TK rolled his eyes. Reaching out just a bit further, TK lightly knocked his leg against Carlos’, the movement slightly jostling the bench they were sitting on as they had been linking ankles before. “And just for that, I’m going to be swinging by the station tonight to cook all of you dinner.”

Groaning, TK ran a hand down his face (though not masking his wide grin) as he slouched slightly in defeat. He didn’t need to be looking at Carlos to know he was wearing his signature smug smirk.

“Paul’s already been working at stuffing us to our limits by turning the station’s kitchen into the next MasterChef. Please don’t encourage him. You know I can’t say no to your cooking.” TK looked up pleadingly, making sure that his so called ‘puppy-dog eyes’ were in full force. He knew that Carlos had slowly gotten used to seeing them through their months of dating, but it has still gotten his boyfriend to be a little more lenient with him so far, so it couldn’t hurt, right?

“Too late. I texted Paul to let him know there would be an extra pair of hands helping him tonight and to bring out his A-game.” Carlos grinned, lifting up the hand that wasn’t intertwined with TK’s to wave his phone at him teasingly. He tried to scowl, but it truly was difficult to feel anything but sheer affection for the openly delighted expression on Carlos’ face.

TK parted his lips, mind working to come with a smart comeback but was startled by a shadow appearing next to them suddenly.

“Hello- uh, officer?”

The two men looked up to see a beautiful woman with luscious brown hair tied up in a loose bun standing beside their bench. TK would have been taken aback at how she knew Carlos was a cop, but remembered that he was still in uniform during their shared lunch break. Studying her curiously, TK noticed that her expression seemed a little nervous and her hands were gripping her handbag tighter than necessary when Carlos turned his puzzled gaze from TK to meet hers politely.

“Yes?”

TK ducked his head to hide a smile at how Carlos’ voice had turned from the affectionate tone he used during their private conversations to work-mode in a manner of seconds. The familiar warmth spreading through his body was nothing new. It seemed like there was an infinite amount of space in his chest for his heart to grow with love for the man sitting across from him.

“I- well, I’ve seen you a lot around here and I was wondering if I could get your number?” TK bit the inside of his cheek to hide a wide grin, lifting a hand to cover his mouth lightly in hopes of pushing down the bout of laughter threatening to spill at the woman’s eager gaze. Truthfully, he respected her courage, if not a little taken-aback at her obliviousness.

They were sitting with their ankles locked, hands loosely intertwined on the table, and he was pretty sure two men who had just been feeding each other bites of their tacos screamed anything but platonic.

“I’m – I’m sorry?” Carlos blinked at her, jaw slackened in shock, and TK once again had to hold back a snicker. He wasn’t sure he’s ever seen his boyfriend look so confused over a question before, and opted to look at the woman, giving her his best smile.

“You don’t have to! I just- thought I’d ask? My friends always say I let opportunities pass without even taking a second glance and I guess, decided to take a second glance? This time?” The woman trailed off, eyebrows furrowing, her eyes darting between the two as if the answer to her own question would magically appear if her eyes darted fast enough.

TK’s self-control was currently on the verges of collapsing, the laughter just bubbling on the surface of his lips, threatening to break free so he bit his cheeks harder to keep it at bay. It would be terribly rude, and that was something he tried very hard not to be.

Carlos was completely speechless now, his eyes very obviously glancing down at where their hands were intertwined on the table, and he seemed to only shake out of his daze when TK gently pulled his hand back, giving Carlos a discrete wink at his confused look.

“You have very good taste ma’am.” TK said brightly, and when the woman’s gaze turned to him, she seemed a little taken aback, for what reason, he wasn’t quite sure yet. “What’s your name?”

The woman’s eyes widened, wincing at the question as if realizing she kind of had just popped out of nowhere, and smiled weakly.

“Karoline.”

“Well, it’s nice to meet you Karoline!” TK grinned, shifting his gaze to Carlos, sending him a ‘play along’ look before turning his gaze to Karoline again. “As this gorgeous man’s personal valet, I can assure you he is a wonderful guy. Also tips very well.”

(It wasn’t exactly a lie, Carlos is absolutely wonderful. The ‘tips’ however…)

TK hid a smirk at Carlos’ incredulous stare, stunned, and the woman in front of them looked a little perplexed but the polite smile never left her face. 

“His personal valet?” 

TK leaned back slightly, untangling their locked ankles much to Carlos’ silent protest. He shot Carlos a knowing look, reaching forward to pat his hand affectionately before turning his attention back to the woman.  

“You see, his hands just get so tired all the time arresting the bad people on the street, so I lend him mine. Sometimes. Quite often.” TK smiled casually, and just to drive in the nail, he added, “I can drive a stick very well.”

TK was well aware that heated eyes were glaring daggers at him right now, which is why he leaned his legs even further back. The badly aimed kick met air, and he let out a quiet chuckle at Carlos’ muffled curse when he slipped slightly in his seat.

Karoline looked even more baffled than before, if not also a little wary now, not knowing who to look at. TK was about to throw in another comment when Carlos suddenly leaned forward, his expression clearing from the earlier shock.

“I appreciate the sentiment, but I have to decline.” The conviction in his tone had Karoline immediately step back, and TK could honestly relate a little to her brief flash of disappointment. The memory of a particular moment months ago, back when their relationship was still undefined still left a bitter taste on his tongue.

He looked at Carlos then, and was a little floored at the pulses of affection emitting in waves through his eyes and encasing him in an all-too-familiar warmth.

“I’m in a fully-committed relationship.” Carlos said softly, talking more to him than Karoline, and TK ducked his head as his cheeks warmed.

“Oh. I’m-I’m so sorry.” Unlike before, Karoline was the one lost for words now, and she gave them both a quick and awkward wave before walking as fast as her stiletto heels allowed her, a feat quite impressive all on its own.

TK watched as her figure gradually faded into the distance, turning back to face Carlos again and pauses when he finds his boyfriend staring at him incredulously.

“Seriously?”

Raising an eyebrow at how appalled he looked, TK unconsciously linked their ankles underneath the table again.

“What?”

“A personal valet? Do those even exist anymore?” TK was about to answer when Carlos groaned, shaking his head. “You know what – I don’t want to know. It’s probably better if I don’t.” Carlos sighed, and TK felt his lips inadvertently curl upwards, his amusement from before hitting him full force now from how much he restrained himself earlier.

“I thought I did pretty well. I make an excellent driver.” Carlos snorted. TK narrowed his eyes, scowling.

“Something to share, officer?”

“I let you drive once.” Carlos said slowly, leaning forward and trailing off as if to prove a point, but TK couldn’t really see the point being made.

“And…?”

“Once, Ty. I never thought it was possible to desperately try driving from the passenger side with imaginary brakes until that night. I can still feel the phantom aches in my right leg.” TK frowned at that, trying to remember back to the night Carlos was mentioning. He had stepped off a 24-hour shift and was too tired to stand upright, tossed him the car keys after affirming he had a driver’s license and that was that.

Now that he thought back on it, Carlos had looked a little pale when they got home.

“In my defense…I hadn’t touched a car for a while before that night.” TK tried weakly, biting his lip when Carlos just stared at him flatly.

“You almost reversed us into a ditch when you tried shifting to ‘drive.’”

“Okay now, that is definitely not my fault. I had a motorcycle back in New York and it’s a little difficult shifting mindset from the patterning on the gear shifts – why are you looking at me like that.” TK was fully prepared to explain his case when he caught the strange look on Carlos’ face. His eyes were a little too wide, mouth parted slightly as if in shock again.

“Seriously, are you alright? What did I say?” TK frowned, reaching forward to squeeze Carlos’ hand, feeling a little relieved when he felt him squeeze back, albeit tighter than he had.

“You drove a motorcycle?” TK’s frown deepened when Carlos’ voice sounded strangled, his breaths shallower than before, pupils blown wide.

“Yeah? It was easier, since traffic was terrible. It’s not LA, but rush-hour is absolute hell.” TK explained slowly, studying Carlos’ expression more closely, before realizing what he was seeing and smirked.

“Didn’t peg you to like bad boys.” TK teased, laughing as Carlos scowled.

“Not everyone who rides motorcycles are bad boys. I just have good taste.” Carlos grumbled, smiling now, and TK flashed a grin.

“Admit it, I would make an awesome personal valet.” TK tilted his head impishly, enjoying Carlos’ slightly put-off expression.

“You just told that kind woman how much you enjoyed lending me your hand. And about how much you enjoy our activities in bed. With car puns.” Carlos shook his head fondly, sighing in exasperation. “Pretty sure that alone would get you fired.”

TK gave Carlos a smug smile, leaning in closer so that their faces were mere inches apart.

“But did I lie?”

  (On the other side:

“It’s always the pretty ones, huh?” Karoline sighed, slipping the change into the tip jar as she watched the two men she had just talked to smiling softly, heads leaning in subconsciously towards each other in a pocket of intimacy she didn’t see before. From her new angle now, and with her nerves no longer impairing her observation skills, she could clearly see the intertwined hands, the locked ankles, and one of the men teasing the other by slowly inching up the length of the other’s leg.

Reina, the kind lady who ran the taco cart, snorted elegantly, eyes twinkling with amusement.

“Oh, honey. Those two aren’t exactly quiet with how much they love each other.”

 .

“Excuse me, sir?”

Carlos paused mid-story about an absurd call involving two brothers, a parakeet, and a toaster he had responded to that day to look down at three kids looking up at them with wide eyes. It was one of the rare days where their day offs finally coincided, and he let TK drag him outside for a walk at a nearby park.

“You know, it’s funny. Usually the roles are reversed.” Carlos drawled, not bothering to lift his head up from the pillow as TK slipped on his boxers, bare feet padding lightly around the bedroom to try and find where his t-shirt had flown in their fun last night.

“I thought I’d finally give you a break from always having to drag me out of bed, and now you want to sleep in?” TK mused, and Carlos pressed his face deeper into his pillow, grumbling incoherently.

“I’m not awake enough for this. How are you even walking right now?” TK snorted at that, and Carlos heard footsteps coming closer before the bed dipped beside him, smiling when soft lips pressed a kiss against his bare shoulder.

“Talent.” TK whispered, and Carlos opened his eyes, reaching out in record speed to tug TK down beside him again, both of them grinning widely. Carlos rolled them over, easily accommodating TK’s weight on top of his, the latter relaxing into his arms.

“Oh? Are our legs suddenly working again?” TK teased, lifting a hand to poke at his cheek playfully, and Carlos shot him an amused glare, tightening his hold before rolling them again, lips twitching up to match TK’s laugh as he pressed him into the bed.

“No.” Carlos huffed, swallowing TK’s answering chuckle with a kiss. He couldn’t help his own bright smile when hands cupped the back of his head, tugging him in closer. What he hadn’t been prepared for, was for the world to suddenly shift. He opened his eyes to see TK looking down at him affectionately, lips slightly swollen from their kiss as he leaned down to press feathery-light kisses all over his face.

“I’ll start the coffee.”

Shaking his head, Carlos gave TK a curious look, tilting his head towards the kids. TK shrugged, not knowing who they were either.

“Yes?” They responded in unison, and the kids exchanged glances before two of them pushed the third forward, delegating him as the speaker, much to the boy’s apparent annoyance.

“Zola wants to know how your arms got so big!” The boy blurted out, gesturing to the girl who scowled at him.

“Oh, like you weren’t wondering too, Zack!” Zola crossed her arms haughtily, her pigtails swinging angrily as she turned her head abruptly to the side.

“I told you to be low-key about it!”

“She’s right though, Zack.”

“Nobody asked you, Cody!”

Carlos noticed TK’s lips twitching in amusement, his green eyes gleaming with silent laughter at the kids bickering. He saw Zola starting to step menacingly towards Zack and kneeled down to their height, deciding to step in.

“I’m a police officer.” Carlos explained, and all three pairs of eyes turned to him. Zola and Zack seemed to piece together the answer judging by the flow of understanding in their gaze, while Cody’s eyes widened in awe.

“So you’re a hero!” Cody exclaimed excitedly, stepping closer, and Carlos felt a little embarrassed at the blatant wonder colouring Cody’s expression.

“It’s a group effort, but thank you.” Carlos gave him a gentle smile, and Cody ducked his head shyly.

“So, what’s your excuse?”

Carlos shifted to see Zack turning accusing eyes towards TK, who blinked at Zack’s boldness. Though, the amused smile was still present when he kneeled down to join Carlos in their conversation.

“You think my arms are big?” TK asked playfully, and Zack scoffed, scowling at Zola who smacked him lightly on the shoulder.

“They’re alright I guess.” Zack huffed, and Carlos had to hold back a laugh at TK’s affronted look. He raised both hands innocently when TK turned to glare at him. Carlos looked Zack right in the eye, sending a mischievous smile in TK’s direction.

“He’s my personal shopper.” Carlos said blithely, accepting the elbow to his ribs graciously. “Though recently, I’m thinking of hiring another considering he brought home zucchinis when I specifically asked for-“

“Okay! They don’t need to know that.” TK fixed Carlos with a look before turning to the kids again, smiling pleasantly.

“So, your arms look like that because you shop a lot?” Cody asked, and Zack frowned.

“That can’t be the case. My mother doesn’t have arms like him.” Zack noted.

“Ah, not necessarily, Zack. Everyone shops differently.” TK twists a little to showcase his arms much to Carlos’ amusement, “Never underestimate the power of weekly sales.” TK winked, but Zack didn’t look too impressed.

“Can you cook too?” Zola asked tentatively, and Carlos snorted.

“Oh, definitely not. He just buys the groceries.” Carlos mimicked a terrified shudder, laughing as TK was very obviously fighting off a pout, trying to act tough in front of the kids.  

“I can make coffee! And salad.”

Carlos very wisely didn’t remind TK of their automated coffee machine, instead focusing on the latter part of his remark.

“By tossing the vegetables I already chopped for you into a bowl?”

“It still counts!” TK huffed, looking towards the kids for some validation but Zack didn’t seem too impressed.

“I can make salad and I’m seven. You’re what, 30?” Zack raised an eyebrow, and Carlos coughed loudly to mask his laughter, admiring Zack’s bold personality and apparent lack of filter. TK swayed beside him, clasping a hand to his chest dramatically.

“I am not that old.” TK groaned, pointedly ignoring Carlos’ bemused stare.

‘You’re 26 Ty, he just rounded up.’ Carlos raised an eyebrow in silent communication, and TK rolled his eyes and stuck up a certain finger out of view of the kids.

“So, to answer your question Zola, no, he can’t cook. Other than tossing together a salad.” Carlos chuckled.

“I didn’t hear you complaining when I tossed your salad.”

Carlos choked on air, narrowing his eyes when TK snickered. He tilted his head sharply to where innocent seven-year-olds were listening, all of which were looking up at them in confusion.

“Personal shoppers toss your salad too?”

“What does that even mean?”

“Maybe he helps him coat the sauce more evenly-“

“Alright kids,” Carlos interrupted, nudging TK sharply as he laughed, “I’m sure your parents will be picking you up soon.” He looked up to see a man and woman heading in their direction, giving them a strained smile before standing up and pulling TK with him.

“It was nice to meet you all!” TK called back, stumbling as Carlos pulled him in closer, walking briskly in the opposite direction.

“You’re shameless.” Carlos hissed once they were out of earshot, his arm curling around TK’s waist to give him a full view of his unimpressed glare. TK merely stepped into the hold, lips curling up impishly.

“To be fair, Zack started it by saying I was 30. Plus, they’ll probably forget this even happened when they’re finally old enough to understand.” TK shrugged, and Carlos sighed.

“Let’s hope so.”

  (On the other side:

“Hey mom?

“Yes sweetie?”  

“Why would someone toss someone else’s salad? Why not just do it yourself?”)

 .

The first thing his boyfriend does is hold up both hands, palms facing forward placatingly.

“I can explain.”

 No, he really can’t. He could probably try, but nothing that Carlos was going to say now would deter him from doing a thorough checkup and then sending him to the hospital for further checks.

“Enlighten me.” Even though he was itching to run his hands along his boyfriend’s tattered uniform to check for hidden injuries, he forced himself to push forward what minuscule amount of composure he had left to stay put at his spot a few steps away.  

TK watched as Carlos shifted his weight, the slight wince at the motion almost making him sprint forward to just throw him on a stretcher. He opted to just tighten his hold on the nylon handle of the first-aid bag he was holding, silently waiting for him to speak.

“We thought we had sealed off all the exits.” Carlos started, reaching up a hand to run through his messy curls. There was a scratch on his hand that was still bleeding, and that alone had TK’s grip on the bag tighten further. “Turns out there was an underground sewer that wasn’t on the blueprints, which started a car chase.”

A car chase.

That was certainly a mild way to put it.

When his team had arrived on scene, TK had felt his heart plummeting to the cold concrete floor at how the first car he saw was crushed so badly it looked more like the truck that had T-boned it had eaten it rather than simply crashed into it. And that wasn’t even the most terrifying thing about the scene.

It was the fact that there were also multiple APD cruisers, the glass from their shattered windows scattering the ground, gleaming menacingly in the low evening light, as if taunting him.

Because Carlos’ cruiser had been one of them.

TK almost dropped the saw he had been carrying when he saw it as the one nearest the horribly crushed car, and suddenly felt the world not having enough air the breathe. His team had noticed immediately, grim expressions on their faces when they slowly pieced together the scene in front of them, and they worked on autopilot.

Paul grabbed the saw from his hands, squeezing his shoulder in passing. Marjan and Mateo all gave him reassuring smiles, squeezing his arm, and his dad and Judd gently nudged him towards where a couple uniform officers were. His dad had waved at Tommy but she was already shoving a med kit into his hands, Nancy double checking if he had everything.

Which brought them to where they were now.

He hadn’t seen Carlos at first, eyes darting frantically around the scene for a familiar face, ears strained, desperately listening for the voice he loved most in the world. It hadn’t been until he looked towards an elderly couple, the ones that had probably called it in according to dispatch, when he finally saw his boyfriend.

He had already did a full sweep with his eyes for any superficial injuries and felt his heart slowing slightly when he noticed minor bruising, but now, standing in front of the man who could have died without him even knowing, he needed to be sure.

“-fine though. Really, I’m okay. I promise.” Carlos was trying to sound reassuring, and TK appreciated it, but he needed to see for himself.

“Carlos?”

There must have been something in his voice, because Carlos immediately stopped talking, looking at him with wide eyes.

“Yeah?”

TK closed the rest of the distance between them to stare at him blankly.

“Sit your ass down right now and let me check you over.”

He thought his boyfriend would have put up more of a fight, considering both their stubborn natures regarding injuries, so he was pleasantly surprised when Carlos merely sat down slowly on the curb.

TK didn’t waste another second to kneel down and take Carlos’ hand in his, the one he had noticed before that had been bleeding, and did quick work to fix that. They didn’t speak, and he was silently grateful for the quiet, wanting to concentrate fully on making sure he didn’t miss anything. When he slowly brought his gaze up to Carlos’ face, he was taken aback at how warm those brown orbs were, as they watched him work.

“I’m okay.” Carlos repeated again, this time softer, and TK had to glance away as the lump in his throat threatened to spill over. He had been holding his own feelings at bay, needing to do his job without his emotions clouding his decisions because he needed to make sure it was his professional opinion that Carlos was alright before his personal opinion did.

“I’ll be the judge of that.” TK said quietly, tightening the bandage he secured around Carlos’ wrist, mentally noting down the mild sprain to be checked over more at the hospital. He had already poked and prodded every single part of Carlos’ ribs, checked for internal bleeding, a concussion, head lacerations –

He should do a second check.

“TK.”

TK didn’t look up, instead continuing his second round of examinations, when a hand gently took both of his, a head ducking down to meet his gaze.

He didn’t know what kind of expression he was sporting right now, but allowed Carlos to slowly tug him into a hug. He ducked his face into his spot in the crook of Carlos’ neck, closing his eyes.

“I was scared.” TK choked out quietly, feeling the arms around him tighten further. His own hands clutched desperately at Carlos’ back, trying to convince him that he was here, safe in his arms, and not disappearing somewhere he couldn’t follow. “I saw your cruiser, and the world turned grey.” The tears he had been trying anxiously to keep at bay slipped down his cheeks. He almost wanted to pull back to not get Carlos’ uniform wet, but his boyfriend made no move to let go, instead making a wounded noise and pressed him in even closer.

“I’m sorry.” TK did pull back slightly at that, shaking his head violently.

“Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault.” TK cupped Carlos’s face between the palms of his hands reverently, not even caring how terrible he must look with wet tears running down his cheeks and eyes swollen red. Carlos was still looking at him like he was the most precious thing in the world, so he could deal with his terrible crying face later.

Gentle thumbs swiped away the rest of the tears that had slipped free, and TK smiled weakly as Carlos pressed their foreheads together. Their breaths intermingled in the chilled evening air, and TK has never felt this warm.

They stayed like that for a while, before TK swiped a hand over his face and moved back a little, eyes running over the wrinkly cop uniform.

“For once, I’m not the reason your uniform is all wrinkly.”  TK said lightly, and Carlos’ lips tugged into a bright smile, eyes dancing happily.

“We could always fix that.”

“And you say I’m shameless.” TK chuckled weakly, leaning into the warm palm cupping his face.

“You two are real sweet on each other, aren’t you?”

TK startled at the sudden voice, turning to see the elderly couple he saw before standing beside them, twin smiles on their faces.

How long had they been there?

“How long have you two been together?” The elderly man asked kindly, and TK exchanged a glance with Carlos, who gave him an amused smile, nodding at him to go on.

“I’m his- ah, friend. Bro. Very good bro.”

The elderly couple just looked at them, gazes shifting from one to the other in utter disbelief. TK discreetly pinched Carlos’ wrist at the non-too quiet snort badly hidden into his cough. In hindsight, it probably wasn’t the best idea he could have come up with, considering how close they had been earlier. But still, he decided to clear the air. 

Or, tried to.

“Homies, you know? And all that jazz. I’m sure you understand.” TK added weakly, and clearly they didn’t understand, but politely stayed quiet about it.

“Is that so.” The elderly woman hummed, eyes twinkling knowingly, and her husband snorted. “Well, we’ll leave you two to it then. Carry on being ‘bros.’” The woman winked, before tugging on her husband’s arm to lead him away.  

“I’m staring to think you might suck at this game.” Carlos mused, watching the elderly couple walking away before turning his gaze back to him. TK groaned.

“Okay, so maybe that wasn’t the best choice.” Carlos stared at him, choking out an incredulous laugh.  

“You think?” 

TK huffed, raising a challenging eyebrow.

“What, you don’t think we can be just bros?” Carlos gave him his ‘don’t bullshit me’ look, and TK stepped forward, face mere inches from each other and met his stare head-on, seeing which one would cave first.

He had read somewhere that if two people could hold eye contact in very close vicinity without looking away from each other for 10 seconds, their relationship would be purely platonic. He’s lost every single time since the first time they tried it, but he was determined to win this time.

And as always, his conviction wavered whenever he gazed into those ridiculously loving brown eyes that seemed to have a limitless amount of fondness and affection.

Sighing, TK stepped back at the 8 second mark, ignoring Carlos’ smug smile.

“...you’re right, we absolutely can’t. I love doing non-bro things with you too much for that.” TK knew he was probably pouting slightly, but accepted the hand extended towards him regardless, stepping into Carlos’ space once again.

“Let’s never revisit this topic again.” 

“Agreed.” 

  (On the other side:

“Young love really hits differently, don’t you think?” The elderly couple had stopped to look back, smiling in amusement when they were greeted with the two men lost in their own world, unaware of anything around them other than each other.

“While that may be true dear,” the elderly man wraps a gentle arm around his wife, and the same cheeky smile that had made her heart skip a beat from their very first meeting shone on his face full-force, almost taking the breath out of her lungs.

“I’d also say that love only ripens with time.” )

 .

It was different, this time.

The first time they had met his family, it was when he was caught off guard and still uncertain on a lot of things. It had been terrifying, wanting to shout out from the rooftops about how much he loved one man but also at the same time not quite ready to do so.

This time, he had known his parents would be here, and although he knew they might bump into each other, he chose to go with TK anyway.

Unlike the first time, it was TK who spotted his parents first. Carlos felt a light squeeze of his hand and looked up to see his boyfriend tilting his head quickly towards two familiar figures, his expression growing hesitant.  

“You should go say hi. I’ll wait here.” TK murmured softly, eyes filled with nothing but understanding and love. Carlos knew he meant it, that he would gladly stay put to not put Carlos in the awkward position he had been in just a few weeks before.

Seeing the overwhelming love and understanding never wavering from TK’s gaze, Carlos felt something settle in his chest.

“No.”

He tugged on their intertwined hands sharply before TK could comprehend what was happening, and pulled them towards where their parents were standing, his mother pointing at a snow globe on display through the window of one of the shops.

His father spotted him first this time, giving him a warm smile and called out his name cheerfully, before his eyes lowered to their clasped hands. Carlos squeezed TK’s hand tighter and straightened, breathing in deeply. His mother turned at his father’s call, a bright smile on her lips.

“Carlitos! What a surprise – “ Andrea greeted warmly, before her eyes also lowered to their hands, widening in surprise.

“Mom. Dad.” Carlos greeted nervously, and felt a wave of courage when TK squeezed his hand in support. “This is my boyfriend, TK.”

And with those five words, it was as if a dam finally broke, his chest suddenly feeling lighter than they had in years. His gaze didn’t waver from his parents. TK was the only one who could feel how sweaty his palms were, and yet, he only clutched him tighter.

This game of theirs would end right here, and right now.

“Carlos.”

Carlos blinked in surprise as his mother’s eyes filled with happy tears. He looked towards his father to see him still sporting a warm smile, unwavering even at his declaration.

His parents looked like they wanted to say more, but his mother shot him a playful glare, silently telling him that they would definitely be having a proper conversation during their family dinner in a few days, before turning their attention to TK.

“TK, was it?” Andrea said kindly, and Carlos felt TK tensing beside him. He turned to see TK smile nervously, reaching behind him with his other hand to wipe it discretely on the back of his pants. The little action had Carlos chuckle quietly, chest filling with so much love for the man standing beside him.

“It’s really nice to meet you.” Andrea smiled, and this time, when Gabriel stuck out his hand to shake TK’s, he hung on for longer.

“It’s a pleasure.” It was a little scary, how his father and TK seemed to be having a silent conversation with their hands clasped tightly, before they finally let go.

“You know, we’re having a family dinner this weekend.” Andrea pitched in as she looked at them both, eyes twinkling with nothing but familial affection. Carlos immediately understood what wasn’t being said, and smiled. He turned to TK, who was already looking at him and squeezed his hand.

“Only if you want to come.” TK’s smile softened at that, and turned to give Andrea and Gabriel a charming smile. Carlos hid his own smile when he saw that his mother was instantly charmed, and honestly, it might be a Reyes thing, to be immediately affected by TK’s everything.

“I would love to.”

“Wonderful! That settles it then, we’ll let you two off. We can talk more this weekend.” Andrea grinned, before fixing Carlos with a look, telling him that they would definitely be sitting down sooner than that, much to his wary amusement. He hugged both his parents, longer than usual this time, before they waved them off.

It had been a long time, since he felt this free.

“Hey Carlos?”

Carlos turned to TK, who was looking at him with overwhelming emotion swimming in his gaze, making his heart pound loudly in his chest.

“Hm?”

TK lifted a hand to cup his jaw, running his thumb gently across his cheek.

“I’m so proud of you.”

  (On the other side:

“Did you see the way those two looked at each other?” Andrea murmured to her husband quietly, and Gabriel smiled, nodding. TK, the sweet boy, looked like Carlos was the best thing that could have happened in the world and their son had looked at him the same way.

“We really lucked out as parents-in-law, didn’t we?” Gabriel grinned cheekily, and Andrea swatted him lightly.

“You better not say that in front of our son during dinner; we wouldn’t want to send him to an early grave.” )

 .

They didn’t tell his team about the little game they had going on until a little over a year later, and all of them had varying expressions of disbelief on their faces as they stared at the couple, dumbfounded.

“You seriously called him your bro? A homie?” 

“Really? That’s what you took from all that?”

“Sweet home Alaba-“ 

“How does that even play into this?” 

TK shook his head at his friends teasing, rolling his eyes as Marjan nudged him playfully.

“So? What’s this about tossing salads?” Marjan grinned, and TK groaned, pressing a palm to his face in mild embarrassment.

That hadn’t been his finest moment.

“No, I’m curious too. Not only are you tossing salads, but also driving motorcycles? While making sexual puns? Man, I wish I was there.” Paul snickered. They were all supposed to be doing the normal chores around the station, but when Carlos had let it slip about their little game from a year ago, all work had evaporated from their minds in favour of teasing their favourite subject of their clearly fake affections.

“I would give anything to see their parent’s faces when the kids ask them what it meant.” Mateo chipped in, and TK shuddered.

Hopefully they wouldn’t be seeing them anytime soon. So far so good, considering it had been a year.

“So? Which one was your favourite?” Judd asked, not even bothering to pretend he was cleaning as he leaned against a table, his arms crossed loosely.

“My what favourite?”

“Which role-play did you enjoy the most?” Judd clarified with a smirk, and TK threw a washcloth at him without missing a beat, scowling as they all laughed.

“You guys all suck.”

There was a pause, where they eagerly waited for him to answer.

“There was no favourite, per say.” TK hummed finally, an unconscious smile on his lips as the memories took him back. In truth, he had suggested the game for a reason he couldn’t quite explain himself. But when he sat on Carlos’ counter, watching him cook dinner from his failed attempt at buying groceries, remembering what they had talked about just weeks before that…it had been a spontaneous thought. He hadn’t delved too deep into it, other than how fun it was to rile each other up.

“How about my fiancé?” 

TK stilled. The entire station had suddenly quieted, and looking up, he noticed all his friends were wide-eyed as they looked at something behind him. He saw his dad peeking down from the balcony, a knowing shine in his eyes, and slowly turned around.

Carlos stood there, a flicker of nervousness passing through his gaze. One of his hands reached into his pants pocket, and TK felt his eyes widening further as Carlos dropped to one knee, in front of the entire station. 

Oh my god.

He could barely hear what Carlos was saying during his speech as he clutched a ring box, his senses filled with the image of his boyfriend – soon to be fiancé – kneeling down in front of him with a hopeful look in his eyes, lifting the opened ring box a little higher as if the ‘yes’ wasn’t already threatening to spill out of TK’s lips.

“TK?” Carlos looked concerned now, and he realized that he was just staring at him, jaw dropped in shock, any words he was trying to say coming out in strangled sounds. Clearly, his words were failing him at the moment, so he pulled Carlos off of the floor, nodding furiously as his vision blurred. But even through the blurry haze, he could see Carlos’ beaming smile clear as day.

He watched, mesmerized, as Carlos slowly slipped the ring onto his finger, and he was distantly aware that there was a lot of screaming going on behind him, the majority of it coming from his crew. When he felt his voice starting to work again, he pulled Carlos into a tight hug, pulling back only to scowl at him playfully, smacking his shoulder.

“You idiot.” TK’s voice shook with emotion as he looked down at the shiny new addition to his left ring finger, before looking at Carlos again, eyes warm with fondness and slight exasperation. 

“You couldn’t have waited until I had your ring with me?” 

 (He dropped onto one knee later that night, in the middle of dinner, and TK would never forget the beautiful watery smile that graced Carlos’ lips in response as another ‘yes’ resounded through the air)

 .

“Wow, look at him! That was so cool!”

Carlos turned his gaze from TK who was responding to Paul’s high-five at the server ace to see two kids staring at his husband in awe.

“They’re really Austin’s finest for a reason, huh.” One of them noted cheerfully, before furrowing his eyebrows when he spotted something on TK’s back.

“Aww, they only put last names on their shirts…” He trailed off, and Carlos hid a smile behind the palm of his hand.

“Excuse me?”

Carlos looked up, giving the two kids a warm smile.

“Yes?”

One of the boys pointed to TK, or more specifically, the Strand-Reyes embroidered proudly on the back of his number ’20’ jersey.

“Do you know who that is?”

Carlos’ smile turned into a grin, “Yeah, I know who that is.” He turned slightly so the boys could see his own jersey, watching as their eyes widened in awe.

“He’s my husband.”

Extra scene:

“At some point you’re going to have to blink, Carlos.” 

Carlos turned to see Owen, his father-in-law for the past three hours, 43 minutes, and 22 seconds smiling at him warmly. He turned back to where TK was laughing with his parents, his father clapping him on the back at something he said. 

“He’s my husband,” Carlos’ heart swelled with love for the man standing a little way away from him for the millionth time that day, “I don’t plan on missing a single second of this.”

[trkstrnd]

I’m gonna make a masterlist of all my tk strand headcanons but i’m gonna start out w some that pertain to the actual show (backstory, show events, etc.

So here are

Trick’s Show Pertaining Tk Strand Headcanons

TW: Mentions of hospitals, overdoses, cancer, and addiction

this is my favorite to think about; the episode Act Of God, when Tk finds out about Owen’s cancer. Everyone knows that Tk is a recovering addict, and most of the time when you fall off the wagon like he did in NYC, it’s really hard to get back up again. Therefore I think Tk was actually looking for pills, and he just didn’t like the ones he found. He only looked it up to see what he was going to take of he took them. The realization was what pushed him to get actually clean.

Tk met Alex in rehab as a teenager, and they had been together since. Alex reminded tk of how far he had come, Tk reminded Alex of where he used to be. That’s why alwx cheated, and Tk got too attached.

Tk ran to carlos’s after finding out about Owen.

Tk heard everything in the hospital.

Owen definitely snuck Buttercup out of the station, most of the time to take to Tk on medical leave.

Tk was looking to rebound, and really saw carlos as such until Austin, We Have A Problem.

Tk likes quinoa, but not his fathers quinoa, which is why he was all hesitant when he came to talk to his dad, and he laughed with Judd.

Tk and Judd’s friendship??? god tier.

Tk was trying to kill himself, even if he didn’t want to believe it. He knew his limits and deliberately went over.

Alex wasn’t abusive, just disconnected and Tk wasn’t able to read the energy since they had been together for so long.

Based off of how Tk interacts with Colt in ep 9, he would be a good special needs father.

Tk partially blames himself for his fathers condition, just knowing that he could have pushed a little sooner and the tumor would have been discovered just a little bit smaller.

Tk is totally trusted w Carlos’s precious Camero, he had jeans on the hood of that thing and didn’t leave a scratch.

Tk doesn’t cry a lot in front of others; he bottles his emotions and lets them out in private, just like his dad.

I’m gonna tag my favorite writers so y’all can add on to these of you wanna. @howtosingit @officerrxyes @lire-casander @brilliantbanshee @sunshinestrand

feel free to add, tagged or not. i wanna see ur ideas.

also if y’all ever wanna talk, come say hi!! i

don’t bite >:)

[morganaspendragonss]

ok stop me if I sound insane but I have an idea for a fic that I've been sitting on for a while very much related the last two asks. Just like, TK being a bit less kind or whatnot and he like,,moves away from his parents as soon as he can (because Gwen sure isn't great either). Maybe moves to Austin even. And then when Owen moves down to take over the station he's just so bitter and it stays that way (fics where it just sorts itself out drive me NUTS) but he doesn't tell anyone until Carlos and the others soften him up. And then he's just upset. And given the fact that I doubt Owen would improve much it'd be very found family esque with everyone else. I dunno TT_TT I keep having different ideas but I just want TK to be angry and Owen to not get away with his shizz

i love this idea! i mean, i am certainly in the camp of 'gwyn doesn't deserve hate for tk's upbringing because we literally know nothing' and 'owen's trauma is valid' however obviously tk was negatively effected by everything too and a seven year old boy is hardly going to understand why his dad is pulling away or why his parents are divorcing so i can easily see him becoming quite bitter about it.

i actually think he probably was bitter in canon which led him to his addiction, and then owen has been (unsuccessfully) playing catch up the rest of the time. but i digress.

i definitely think lingering negative feelings towards owen would be very realistic, especially if he's barely had any contact with either of his parents for, presumably, years. because he'll have been festering in that anger and betrayal and it'd be really difficult for tk to meaningfully connect with owen once he moves - he might even see it as him swooping in to be the hero all over again and almost a repetition of what happened when he was seven.

i'm putting your other two asks and the rest of my thoughts under a cut because otherwise this is going to be really long 😅

But I was thinking TK gets away as soon as he's able and he moves to Austin and leads a pretty solitary life, supported by his parents money out of like,,guilt or something until he can support himself and then he cuts them off completely. He had been a firefighter and all in New York to try with Owen but it didn't work so he gives it up until Owen moves to Austin too. So he lives and he works and he does stupid stuff on his own for a while, still all angry. Owen moves over and TK goes to get drunk and meets Judd and Grace. They help him out as much as TK will let them then TKs like "Hey eff you dad I'm gonna be a firefighter too" and he applies and gets the job.

And then TKs just sorta drained because things are as crappy as always and he gets closer with the crew. He probably meets Carlos after getting hurt on a call. This far I haven't figured out and I'm not sure what comes next, but I just really wanted to explore the emotional aspect to it all.

personally, i think if tk wanted to say fuck you to owen, i don't think becoming a firefighter would be the way to do it seeing as he's already tried doing that and he'd just be working alongside and under owen once more. if anything, owen would view that as tk extending an olive branch. so maybe a better fuck you would be for tk to join the paramedic team because then he wouldn't be following in owen's footsteps as it were and tk would still be able to almost rub his nose in just how good he is without him.

of course, though, it's your idea and i have no business sticking my nose in haha. just some thoughts! 💚

imagine if after a while on the team he gets pretty hurt though without too much permanent damage. And TKs like hey, why should I be miserable here when just seeing Owen upsets me and now I've gotten hurt and he's still terrible. And he starts a bakery or something so it's a soft and happy ending after all the tough stuff he went through earlier in the fic. And no he and Owen never reconcile I stand by that 😤 forgiveness isn't always the key

if you did have tk as a firefighter, you could make this the shooting and have it as the moment he switches to paramedic (i'm so sorry i just love paramedic tk i'm not trying to push it so much i swear 😭😭😭). but like a bakery would be awesome! i do like the idea that, while tk is a horrible cook, he can bake really well and i'm very soft over the thought of him starting up a bakery or something like that 🥰

thanks for sending me this! it was fun to think about and i'm always down to listen to other people's ideas 😊 if you have any other thoughts about this one i'd love to hear them!

[frostbeees]

part 3

I decided that I wanted to round up some of my faves that I’ve read over the past week or so to share (and also so I can keep track 🤷‍♀️) So here we go. As always, mind the tags however I will try to make sure any specific warnings are listed as needed.

save your first and last dance for me by manybumblebees Travis Konecny/Nolan Patrick (Explicit, 21k) - One of my favorite comfort fics. I decided to re-read this one because I was having a shit day and this fic is just so sweet and so soft and ugh. I could go on and on about this one. (Bonus: “I’d cherish the hell out of you, bud.”)

don't take me tongue tied by linebrawl Travis Konecny/Nolan Patrick/Carter Hart (Explicit 7k) - As someone who is admittedly non-monog, I’m a complete sucker for established TK/Patty inviting Carter as a premise. And this fic absolutely delivers. It’s hot and sweet and maybe doesn’t have the happiest of endings bc ~FEELINGS~ but I still love it. There’s hints of possibly more at the end and honestly we can only hope that comes true.

O-possum, My Possum by solarperigee Travis Konecny/Nolan Patrick (General, series currently @ 2k) - I wouldn’t call this a WIP except that it is an ongoing series but it’s not like you’ll be disappointed in the fact that there are only two works in it so far and it doesn’t leave you hanging. Travis as a werepossum just WORKS okay. The way that the possum is characterized is dead on for a possum but also dead on for Travis so there’s that. Also you get Patty at peak softness WITH a possum. I could read 100k of this and still want more.

Beachfront Property by @plethoriall Sidney Crosby/Nathan MacKinnon (Explicit, 4K) - A vacation in Italy, a mix up in house rentals, Sid/Nate sharing a room. WhAt CoUlD gO wRoNg?

too much of a coward (for this to happen) by @macknnons Andrei Svechnikov/Jordan Martinook (Explicit, 4k) - It genuinely makes me SO SAD that there are only FOUR fics in this pairing on AO3. Out of the four though this one is my go to rec. I’ve read it a handful of times now. This one does include Svech cheating on his female partner with Marty so if that’s not your jam, then don’t read. But Marty having feelings and wanting more but not wanting to lose what little bit of Svech that he has is a full on mood.

Once More With Feeling by SpiritsFlame Jamie Benn/Tyler Seguin (Explicit, 55k) - This was actually the first Tyler/Jamie as a main pairing that I had read and I went back over the weekend to re-read it bc sometimes you just need some angst and a good cry. You’ve got soulmates and a time loop which check off two of my favorite tropes. I think what sold me on this one though was the tag “This is my emotional suppport Brownie”

until we're talking in whispers again by melanoleucus Travis Konecny/Nolan Patrick (Explicit, 9k) - because only an emotionally (and physically) waterlogged Nolan would admit to loving his best friend during a fight. I re-read this one before bed last night because I couldn’t sleep and for some reason this one had popped up in my brain during the day and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Maybe it’s because I was thinking about camping since the weather is finally cooling down. Anyways. TK/Patty on a canoe camping trip. It is what it is.

As always, if one of these is yours and you don’t want it on this post, please let me know! If you read any of these and wanna come scream in my inbox about them, PLEASE DO!

[kingdomblade]

Digimon Kizuna thoughts

All spoilers will be under the cut!

Fresh off of Tri when Kizuna was announced, I wrote up some hopes I had for this movie. Without looking back at that list, I'm pretty sure this movie managed to not hit any of the things I wanted off of that list - but I'm still walking away completely satisfied. The characters, the story, the setting all feel like completely natural progression from how I remember them, it manages to tell a compelling story in a fairly short movie, the animation and designs are drop dead gorgeous. It's clearly a labor or love and I'm thankful for everyone who worked on it. In some ways it leaves me wanting more - I'd love one more entry with the 02 group as a focus, and I think there would be a lot of value in an entry that focuses more on Digimon intigrated with the human world rather than yet another story about kids discovering Digimon. But if this is the last time we see these twelve in this form, what a way to go. 

This is absolutely stream of consciousness writing while I’m on my second watch through of the day (In lieu of livetweeting - I’ll spare my followers that much lol). Is it rambling? Absolutely. It may or may not be of interest, but I thought it would be something fun to do regardless. If you decide to read, I hope you enjoy!

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Tom Fahn’s Agumon is noticeably a bit lower pitched even compared to Tri, weather he can’t take his voice up as much or if it’s a different portrayal I’m not sure but it still fits him really well - Tentomon’s voice feel slightly different too. Funny enough Gabumon is somehow lighter and more childish than his original portrayal, but it also fits him well.

Both Tri and Kizuna have such a weird process to their casting - They got back actors that as far as I can tell haven’t done much if anything since their days on Digimon, they’ve gotten back actors for side characters with bit parts. They’ve hired new actors that seem to take the original voice into account and take their own spin on them, and then they hire actors with absolutely no regard for how the original sounded to the point that it just plain conflicts with the established character. It’s all over the place and it’s weird.

Johnny Yong Bosch's portrayal seems slightly different from Tri, maybe he's playing him slightly older, maybe it's the slightly different personality, maybe I'm imagining it. Something about it reminds me of Doug Erholtz's portrayal, which is an added bonus when JYB was already one of the best of the recasts. Minutes in and I'm completely sold on Nicholas Roye's Matt as well, it sounds like a natural progression from his Adventure voice.

In a vacuum Griffin Burns is a decent Davis, but he's one of the recasts that immersion breaking because not only does he sound nothing like Brian Donovan, but his take on Davis is higher pitch than Donovan's so it's impossible to hear him as older. The fact that Donovan was supposed to reprise his role is just salt on the wound. With the insane amount of delays that this dub got, they surely could have brought him back onboard... It's a  shame that 2 our of 3 roles I've heard of Burns have been a replacement of another actor, hope he can get more roles where he can shine more. On the other hand, Bryce Papenbrook as Cody is brilliant casting coming from his 02 voice for what little we get to hear of him.

Yolei didn't sound to great in her video message, but by the time we see her in person her VA has gotten into the role and captures her really well. Hawkmon sounds fine enough, but I'm way more upset than I should be about Armadillomon's voice considering he doesn't have many lines. A recast was mandatory here, and 'medium-deep southern accent' should honestly be pretty easy to replicate but what we got was horrific. What casting director knew enough about the characters to know that Hawkmon had a British accent but not enough to know what an armadillo sounds like??

Mimi is just straight up Sakura now! I actually thought Kate Higgens would have made a great Yolei, kinda funny to see her here as Mimi now.

Not only did Agumon's "Polly want a cracker?" line slay me, but there's something about Tom Fahn's portrayal that really hits me, even though he's not even my favorite Digimon. It hasn't even been a long time since I've heard it - Tri wasn't that long ago, and I just rewatched Adventure/02 within the past few weeks, but hearing him made me a bit emotional, ha. Same thing happened with his first appearance in Tri, and that was after having seen it in Japanese and knowing what was going to happen!

The opening battle is like a complete screw-you to Tai's arc in Tri with Greymon smashing into buildings and Tai completely unfazed. I'm here for it, lol.

The remastered Digivolution sequences are nice but in true nostalgia fashion I kinda prefer the originals, haha.

Izzy's computer is counting down a 'time rimit'.

Agumon says something to the effect of “Aren’t I always hungry?“ and I don't feel like it’s a reference/jab at Tri, but it got a chuckle out of me anyway.

Tai's classmate is blatantly voiced by JYB too, ha.

Matt gives his location as 'inside the restaurant' when calling an ambulance which seems... not helpful. Love that Tai's reaction to a girl collapsing is a confused "Is she drunk?"

An article on Tai's phone is written in perfect English and he gets message from the name Izzy specifically so I'd assume this is a change for the US release. Subtitles would have been perfectly fine but it's a nice effort to keep immersion.

"The ol' Izz-master" I’m so, so glad they got Jeff Nimoy to write this script, bless Toei.

Only 4 of the Digidestined participating in the battle against the Digidestined is kinda disappointing until I realized that it was a throwback to Our War Game - TK and Izzy get to participate more this time around! As per usual Tentomon (Kabuterimon) manages to sneak in a hilarious line here.

'Lime Magazine' just doesn't have the same ring to it...

TAI'S MAGAZINES...

Tai calling Agumon 'little buddy' is the second scene to hit me right in the feels.

Matt is the only one to reach out to the 02 kids during the movie, I wonder if he felt guilty about what went down in Tri and kept in touch with them a bit more since.

Seeing Kari and TK tied up in a dark room like that is actually one of the more shocking scenes in the movie. That could have ended very differently if this was a different movie...

Meiko shows up for literally one scene with Meicoomon which has... interesting implications. This movie retroactively makes her more tragic as well, as even if she didn't sacrifice Meicoomon there's a chance their partnership would have dissolved anyway - almost a complete lose-lose, there was no way for them to be happy together.

Himekawa is also retroactively more tragic as it's possible she would have been able to see Tapirmon again here - one shows up in the crowd shot!

Honestly this is the movie Himekawa deserved - she was a really interesting character that got wasted and underused in Tri, and while Menoa parallels her in a lot of ways her stoicism just isn't as interesting and Hime's decent into madness was.

L'il Joe has black hair now?

I'm pretty sure Menoa doesn't say "Oh shit" but honestly I'm gonna pretend she does.

I mentioned on Twitter how Leomon doesn't die in this one because he never showed up, but there's one fighting an Eosmon in what I think is Osaka and he doesn't die, and GOOD ON HIM, HE BROKE THE CYCLE!

Omnimon having limbs sliced off got an audible gasp from me.

Matt ACTUALLY got to curse in this movie, character development!!

"Just one thing: Meow" I had to pause the movie, I lost it

Story wise, theme wise, character wise I get it, but mad Sora got screwed over in this movie. Would have been nice if 'To Sora' was included inside of the movie at least.

I still don't like Agu and Gabu's new evolutions, but they did feel really earned and a natural extension of the plot. What better way to spark an evolution than such a huge sacrifice? Izzy's perfectly timed 'prodigious' was the icing on the cake, coming at such a fitting emotional moment and possibly being the last time we'll hear it from Izzy.

When the Eosmon start disappearing all over the world there's a shot of an exhausted lone Numemon who had clearly held off the Eosmon with all the poop that is strewn about. THAT is the next story I want to see.

Unfortunately this movie is in the Tri School of Only Using Champion Level. It's actually pretty inexcusable that we we don't see WarGreymon and MetalGarurumon one more time, but even the other characters should have gone up to Ultimate if not Mega for one final sendoff. I wish we could have seen them truely fight as a team once more, even just for fanservice.

My strongest complaint with the movie itself is that it just kinda... ends. The ending is super emotional, but it just skips ahead afterwards and says 'things are going to be ok!' and ends. I would have liked to see the rest of the kids once more, seeing how they handle the fallout or how they might support Tai and Matt - or maybe a little about what Tai and Matt have taken away from this whole things. Just felt like we needed an extra couple of minutes.

Will we see these particular versions of these characters again? From what I can tell this movie did well in Japan and it’s trending pretty well on Amazon, so who knows. I hope if we do, it’s because the writers come up with an idea they really believe in and not just for the sake of a sequel. But if not, I’m definately greatful for what we have.

[nico-di-genova]

What’s Another Lie?

TK isn’t ready to talk to his dad, but he doesn’t exactly have another way to get home from the police station. 

Essentially the missing conversation between TK and Owen after his arrest. 

     “What the hell were you thinking, TK?” his father snapped, casting the man an alarmed glance before turning back to the road before them. They’d hardly been in the car for more than a few minutes, but TK had been bracing himself for this since his dad picked him up at the station.

       He should have known doing something so ‘suicidal’, as Carlos had put it, would come back to bite him in the ass. He’d been arrested, not processed, but arrested, nonetheless. And it’s not like he had his car so, obviously, he would need someone to pick him up after his release. For a moment, he’d almost considered setting aside his pride and asking Carlos for a ride home. He’d been wanting to avoid this, the confrontation that had been building for months, but it would appear that God just wasn’t on his side in Austin.

       Outside, the grey scale buildings of the downtown district flashed by, only broken up by the occasional intersection. TK chose to watch the scenery pass rather than face his father when he spoke.

       “It wasn’t that big of a deal-.”

       “Did you drink?”

       That was the key question wasn’t it? Everyone knew TK had fucked up, the question was how badly? He always seemed to be walking the line between sobriety and being found dead on a street corner, at least that’s how his dad thought it was. The truth was a bit more muddled; he’d given up one addiction but was desperate to find another. He’d always been a dependent kid, someone who clung to things a bit too tightly. It really shouldn’t have been a surprise that his adulthood was going any differently.

       He sighed, “no dad, I didn’t. I was a little preoccupied with dodging punches.”

       “This isn’t funny, TK,” the man said, exasperated, and already looking tired, “what were you even doing?”

       They’d come to a red light, Owen turning to look at him as soon as they were stopped, worry etched into every line of his features. His hands were gripping the steering wheel tightly, like he was trying to keep himself calm, or grounded. TK watched as his eyes went from his battered face to the specks of red on his shirt collar. He’d won the fight, at least by his standard, holding his own against the other two men for quite some time, and only coming away with a black eye and split lip. His dad obviously didn’t see it that way.

       “I don’t know. I just-.” He pauses, unsure how to word his thoughts without scaring the man further. They’d come here for a fresh start, a chance for something new, but TK was still finding ways to fuck it all up. He wished, not for the first time, that he could just be normal. Judd probably wasn’t having this problem. He was probably at his house, with his wife, not itching for something, anything, that would make him feel. He probably wasn’t thinking twice about their argument, and here TK was, mulling it over in his mind over and over again. He’d said everything that TK had been fearing for so long, the first person to ever actually have the balls to tell him the truth, and that was something that TK was not equipped to handle.

       The light had turned green, but Owen hesitated for a moment, waiting for TK’s answer. He sits there until a car honks behind them, and only then does he start to drive.

       TK taps his fingers against the car door, bites at his bottom lip, bounces his leg anxiously, all while his dad sits frighteningly still beside him. They shared the same hair color, eye color, general face shape, but that’s where the similarities ended. Everyone has always told him he looks Owen, no one’s ever said that he behaves like him.

       “It’s just been a lot,” he finally settles on, hoping that this will be enough to satisfy his dad, “the move, the new house, the new team. It’s a lot to take on at once, and I don’t know-. I just got overwhelmed.”

       He doesn’t mention Judd, or how the words that the man hurled at him are still digging beneath his skin. He doesn’t mention that each day feels like it’s going in slow motion, like he’s just going from one moment to the next, never really feeling any of it. He’d almost died for Christ’s sake, got sucked into a silo of corn, unable to breathe or see, and he’d liked it. The spike of adrenaline that had come with trying to survive had been close enough to a high, it’d been intoxicating. He’s scared to admit that he wants to be reckless, dangerous, maybe make a misstep here and there, so he can feel something other than the complete monotony that Austin has given him. The only other time he’s liked it here was when he was spending time with Carlos. Letting the man shove him around like he’s a ping pong ball, just bouncing from wall to wall until they ended up somewhere relatively horizontal, that had almost been enough. Until it wasn’t. It seemed like each day that passed he was having a harder time finding something to distract from what he really wanted. He was trying to stay clean, for his dad’s sake. It was probably the hardest thing he’d ever had to do in his life. So yeah, he’d let some guys in a rundown bar land a few punches because every time their fists connected, cracking against his cheekbone or thudding into his abdomen, he’d felt alive.

       Owen is silent beside him, seeming to digest what TK has just told him. If he has to take a moment to cipher through that small portion then TK knows he isn’t ready for the full truth. He might not ever be. If TK told him what was going on inside him, the whirlwind of emotions, he knows it would crumple the man. It would mean that no matter how much his dad loved him, told him again and again, it still wouldn’t fix all of his broken parts. If love was enough to heal TK they wouldn’t be in Texas in the first place.

       They’re almost to the house, with all it’s still packed boxes and empty rooms. TK finds he doesn’t want to go back. He needs comfort, familiarity, and that huge house is anything but home.

       “Do you want to go back to the city?” Owen asks when they’re a few blocks away. There’s a furrow between his eyebrows that speaks to the hurt he’s feeling.

       TK isn’t sure what to say, he didn’t even know that was an option.

       “Just tell me the truth TK.”          

       He considers it for a moment. New York, with its grid work of skyscrapers and crowded subway stations, trash piled up on the sidewalk, the small, cramped, space of his apartment. Before Austin, he hadn’t known anything else. The city was his whole world, where he’d spent his entire life. But, would going back solve anything, or would it just make him feel even more isolated, disconnected? A small part of him wanted to say yes, tell his dad he couldn’t survive here, and get out. But the more reasonable side of him knew the truth. It didn’t matter where he went. Whatever was wrong with him, it was inside, something he would always carry with him until he gathered the confidence to confront it.

       “No,” he breathed, leaning to rest his head on the car window, watching how his breath fogged up the glass, “I don’t think so.”

       “You don’t think so? I’m gonna need a better answer than that, kid.”

       He’s not sure if he can give one, his head isn’t exactly clear enough for reasonable thought, “I don’t want to go back, dad. I’m fine here.”

       It’s not the entire truth, but TK hasn’t been honest with his dad since he was a kid. There were always small lies that snowballed into larger ones. He wasn’t fine, not even close, but he could survive, and that’s what his dad really wanted to know. Owen just wanted to make sure he wasn’t about to run to the closest dealer and buy a baggie of little white pills, which he wasn’t, so objectively he was okay. For now anyway.  

       If there was one good thing to come out of all of this mess, it’s that he got to apologize to Carlos. He kind of missed their hookups, especially the ones where the man would pin him down and leave marks across his skin. Carlos was good at hurting him enough to still turn him on, knowing just when to stop. He could always tell when TK’s small breathy whimpers were bordering on real hurt, and he’d pull away instantly. If he couldn’t go out and look for a score, or a fight, he could at least turn to Carlos and his handy pair of handcuffs. He would make it work, he had to, because he couldn’t keep having his dad look at him like this. The pain, worry, fear, it was all so plain to see; written across Owen’s features like he was an open book. He’d already put his dad through so much, being so incredibly selfish and absorbed in his own bullshit that he failed to see the consequences for his actions. He had to make this work, there wasn’t another option.

       “I’m good, dad, honestly.”

       TK had become far too proficient at lying. Too skilled in the art of making Owen Strand believe there was no reason to press further. He used to feel guilty about it, now he knows it’s the only way to keep his dad calm. Lie, put on a smile, make a stupid joke, anything to not have to mess things up further. Anything to keep the storm inside him from getting out.