#I genuinely have always felt this way | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sinkjustlikeastone · 2 months ago

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I hear the train near my house every morning and it’s such a weird thing.

it reminds me of my childhood, and the way I used to wake up early in the summer just so I could hear it go by.

But it reminds me of death too. Something about the way it sounds, flying by all alone in the darkness of the morning, just as the sun is about to rise, it just feels like death.

#This is not because of Dally btw #I genuinely have always felt this way #I always feel strange inside when it passes #Trains #yay #is a like cargo train

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coffinwoodx · 10 months ago

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couple of screenshots of kim’s wikipedia page that i felt so deeply in my soul

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icewindandboringhorror · 1 year ago

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I know this is just a silly bad quality random screencap of a screencap that I found on facebook lol, BUT it's a succinct enough image to easily describe the concept in a quick/accessible way hopefully :

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(and of course, feel free to elaborate in tags, etc.! (especially elaborating about other senses as well.. can you "hear" in your mind just as well as you can "see"? taste? etc.) It's an interesting topic to me, as someone who's like a 4.5 at MOST lol. I'm curious what option will be the most common :0c )

#tumblr polls #hrmm... a little poll perhaps.. about a subject I find interesting.. since this image came across my facebook today #still really not feeling that well. no longer shaking violently and such but I still feel weird and weak much more than usual #They did say my markers for like infection or inflammation were elevated but that they werent sure of the cause so hopefully #it's nothing too serious. they did also say a lot of different things can cause that thing to be higher than normal but didn't go into spec #fics of what. maybe some of them are relatively benign or something. I still havent felt much back to normal since #I got really sick that one time though. I feel fine on and off but then little bouts of feeling weird and sick happen. hrmmm #ANYWAY.. looking for small ways to be productive. such as little doodles on evil ipad or editing game videos #or posting polls or cat pictures or some other like not very labor intensive things #I WISH I COULD FOCUS on writing HHRGGhh... I need to finish my game.. it would be so freeing.. a project that's been looming #over my head for like 5 years even though througouht that 5yrs I've probably spent a total of 3 months working on it lo.. ANYWAY #I still partially really cannot beleive that people CAN see stuff in their heads. There's always part of me that's thinking like. well mayb #e everyone DOES see the same exact thing but we just describe/conceptualize it so differently that we think we're talking about #different things when we're really not. But I have been assured by people I've talked to about it that they can GENUINELY really see #stuff in their heads like as vivid as an actual picture in real life or something. And the other senses are neat too. Like for exmaple I #can hear in my head much better than I can see imagery. I still CANNOT hear vividly like as if I were listening to actual music out loud..#but I think it's developed more than my sight. AND interesting how this varies the creative process. a friend I was talking to on the phone #said they write by literally just watching stuff play before them like a movie. where my process is COMPLETELY different. AND that affects #the content/what details we focus on as well as our individual styles of writing have differences that can be traced back to that.. hrmm

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marvey-sideblog · 5 months ago

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"You knew how I felt about him."

This is Mike to Rachel after they're divorced. When Mike and Harvey are now running Specter Ross, and in a relationship together. Because Mike has felt for Harvey all this time.

If you even care

#in reality it's 4x8 about rachel cheating with logan! but we looooove some out of context brainstorming here #too good of a soundbite #marvey #GENUINELY though imagine this as a mike who is IN a relationship with harvey #talking to rachel after he and she have gone separate ways #you knew! how! I felt about him!!!!!#because mike has always loved harvey it is Known even when it's been unsaid

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rawliverandgoronspice · 4 months ago

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anyway to end the series on ganondorf tp's writing, my take (which isn't canon but arguable as a valid "death of the author" read imo) is that he is at his most iredeemable AND that's because he has zero things left to lose and no community left and his goal doesn't even make sense anymore he is parasitic and a ghost and pathologically obsessed by his own godlike legitimacy because that is the only thing he still has and it has prolonged his life in a horrible diminished state in a nightmare dimension so SURELY it must mean something right right RIGHT

#thoughts #twilight princess #tp #tp ganondorf #ganondorf #sorry I am quite frustrated by the Discourse #there is a middle ground between evil bad evil bad and uwu baby!!!!!!! and it's the most interesting reading!!!! aaaaaa #even him not mentioning the gerudos being immediately taken as him not caring about them is veeeery frustrating to me #like #imo the three arguable arguments about what happened to the gerudos are #1) they left hyrule because fuck that shit (real and valid) and he would have felt betrayed #2) they collaborated with hyrule to subdue him (??? that seems weird to me but sure why not) and he would have felt BETRAYED #3) they were genocided because they stood by him #and of course we could assume he doesn't care (even if he drapes his execution sword in gerudo patternings which)#(not gonna lie is probably artists not really paying attention to motives but it's still interesting and noticeable)#but wouldn't that be like. deeply traumatic either way.#would you talk about your people to the enemies you hate. would you remind them of what they took from you #in ww they are children and he is old and had time to reflect #in tp he suffered nonstop and then rejected all connection and all community and is feverishly obsessed by what almost was #and they are not children there is no generational thing happening they are all royalties (and link!!! hi link!!) the beef is genuine #and EVEN IF he doesn't care that would at least be a massive wound to his ego #he had an ego collapse followed by a massive ego surge that's literally his canon character arc #so of course he would be weird about the gerudos!! how could he not be weird about the gerudos!!#again we are always assuming lack of interiority by default for ganondorf and that annoys meeeeeee #especially when there could be unbelievably interesting and tragic interpretations from what we get

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moe-broey · 6 months ago

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Amateur Hour but I gotta outsource this. Aromantics. Heed my call. What is "romantic" love to a non-believer?

Bonus Round if you're not entirely ace -- does experiencing any amount of sexual attraction influence your answer? Also acknowledging that both aro/ace identities exist on a spectrum. Believe me. I am deeply familiar... with so many kinds of spectrums........... 🧍

Also if this breaches containment It's Not That Serious........... just a personal question. For a friend. Me 🙂‍↕️

#was so tempted to put 'sometimes 'love' is just autistic obsession' as an answer bc on god #i do think that's a factor for me. like. espppppp in moe's case. moe is just Obsessed w alfonse.#extremely weird about him constantly studying him. like. it does feel like love... the intensity of it..... but.#both me and moe. most romance repulsed motherfuckers out there.#like. like. not to get too personal but the one relationship i did have. i genuinely felt i loved him #but i also think. so much of it was me reflecting what i Think love was 'supposed' to look like.#most importantly he was my best friend (at the time). and i def did feel differently about him than i did anyone else/even other friends #which is why i'm so conflicted... like half i did genuinely love him half i've never been able to love correctly #and it's always taken some level of putting on a performance according to what i see to 'perform' love #like. like. am i just autistic. does it just come down to the autism again.#but also esp nowadays like. back on my bullshit. i actually ALWAYS hesitate to call whatever moe has w alfonse 'romantic'#like. i think he does feel/experience romantic feelings. but moe is just so dysfunctional and messy #that like. i don't think it would call anything it feels about alfonse romance.#but it still completely adores him. in a way that's distinct from how it loves sharena and how it feels about anyone else.#even charas it admires. somehow. which honestly jusy leads me back to The Obsession again #also extremely focal is how the demisexuality kicks in. like. it's definitely not devoid of sexuality.#IDK IDK I'M TALKING TOO MUCH I'VE TALKED TOO MUCH AND I'M SO TIRED. I'VE BEEN SO TIRED #i'm not in my feelings honestly i'm just frustrated LMFAOOO LIKE. SCREAMING. WHY DOESN'T IT MAKE SENSE‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥#why am i preordained by fate to never be loved OR understood. wjat the hell man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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queen0fm0nsterz · 1 month ago

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Guys genuine question. Do you guys think I'm a smart person?

#carols.txt #i dont normally do this but I am feeling terrible rn #i had to stay home again because i'm too exhausted emotionally and physically to make the trip to go to uni #and i feel incredibly stupid for not being able to... keep up so to speak #with everything and everyone #im so tired and im not joking im genuinely exhausted #ever since i got diagnosed i found that i've been feeling more and more incapable and i do realize that i have always felt this way #even when i was undiagnosed #but now it feels more prominent. probably because im taking the time to listen to my body?#i dont know #i just want someone to tell me i've still got it. or perhaps that i never lost it

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thedrotter · 2 months ago

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i depend on you (based and very much inspired by @/sometimes317 's piece on twitter)

process pics in read more!!^^

you can tell the moment it struck me that i was practically drawing ship art www

#re:kinder #fanart #yuuichi mizuoka #shunsuke takano #my art #i was trying to play into the whole ending of the game part #how shun basically became a life crutch for yuu in the last moments and he chose to do it regardless of what was done to him #with it making shun the yellow with the light blue eyes character of the original #which in interpretations of the og artwork brought in the question if yellow truly depended on blue the same way blue did on em #for blue has the exact same yellow for its eyes while yellow has another hue that isnt the same color as blue #i wanted to play into that to portray the one sidedness of yuu and shun's relationship #I CAME INTO THIS WITH THOSE INTENTIONS BUT ITS SO FUNNY TO ME NOW #because halfway through this i realized what i was drawing was essentially ship art #i came into this with the intention of it being very deep to be then struck by the concept of draqing ship art its so funny to me #i felt a little embarassed somwthing about drawing ship art has always made me embarrassed for no reason #like. very cute but on another hand never expect art from me ever again /j /j #on the other side i was very amused about it as well #the way it hit me was voicing the “its been one of those weeks... pass the yaoi!!!” meme in my head #which was simultaneously embarassing and very amusing to me #to end these tags off id like to communicate to you that the project file corrupted inmediately the second i finished this #i . i have no idea how it did that when it eas still opened now i literally cannot open it and thus change it ever again #the only thing my computer is missing is having very loud fans the second it starts up #it already heats up like a bomb im surprised im not hearing its fans with all it does #college computer save me college computer i miss the college computer #if i could i would genuinely go to uni just to draw but im not allowed to set up a driver for my tablet so i cant #one of these days i should just do rekinder fanart as one of my projects to have an excuse

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allegoryofthebeast · 7 months ago

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I am obsessed that Jedi: Survivor explores Cal more or less slipping into the dark side/dark behaviors and patterns and how leaning into emotion as a Jedi can make you significantly more powerful though also extremely reckless and aggressive - however a balance could perhaps be reached by Jedi with the patience and support to understand their darker emotions and how it could be beneficial or harmful given the situation. But they fr don’t. Every time something within that vein happens to Cal everyone is like damn… crazy. Anyway

#that being said I am… so sad they didn’t further flesh out Dagan and Santari #like that was a really big part of the genuine first 1/2 or even 3/4 of the game and then… like #I understand it was mostly symbolic and that Cal and Merton saw the foil of their own relationship (kind of) and that love is not a good #enough excuse to be a monster but also like… that parallel did not come in almost at all #the whole game Merrin was based as fuck and pretty emotionally centered #SIGNIFICANTLY more than cal - and - if it was to be a true parallel then wouldn’t Cal have genuinely scared her in some way?#didn’t it seem like maybe when he embraced darkness he should’ve gone TOO far and Merrin would’ve needed to actually fight him to bring him #back to both himself and her?? they… almost… got there on nova garrun or whatever but.?#Dagan and Santari like that was an interesting as fuck relationship and I really REALLY wish they’d come full circle in the end but. didn’t #I felt like there was a bit of allusion maybe Santari had found a way to preserve herself too but. dude. they were so interesting as doomed #narrative antagonists or like whatever. I genuinely thought maybe Bode’s betrayal would be revealed like Dagan bodyswapped him #and that accounted for his seemingly bizarre switch up like. idk. grasping. and I loved the game do not get me wrong #but like. a lot of potential in a foil always and that did not see it through to the sequel #jedi survivor #jedi fallen order #cal kestis #jedi suvivor spoilers #I know it came out last year but. obviously I have just played it now

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solivagantingrebel · 3 months ago

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hey guys who wants another round of tmi

#ive been #this entire day has been a lot and i have no idea how to feel about it #i've never cried this much in an entire day and i can't stop myself from tearing up but it's not because of something sad or traumatic i'm #not used to being loved. or appreciated. or meant to feel like i belong anywhere. i've struggled with being excluded and ostracized and it #has been an uphill battle for a long time and deep down despite my many attempts to heal and get better i've always felt like something was #fundamentally wrong with me. it has been wrong with me from the start and whatever evidence to the contrary ive gotten was rationalised awa #by fluke or maybe people like me because of what i can provide and what i can do for them and not because of who i am and who i am will #always be tolerated or ignored at best and i genuinely was not expecting anyone but a few close friends to care about this and just. andjus #i think something in me is healing and it's still hard to accept but i can conceptualize it and any negative thought in my brain is being #countered by “hey why would you think that when people care about you” and i know it is obvious right. its something i should know but it #has always been so hard to believe that anyone would and the fact that it's hitting right now? i cant fucking stop crying #its almost fucking embarrassing im like this. im a grown ass adult. why the fuck am i still crying like this. i fucking hate trauma man #keeps making me feel like im that kid who was never loved in the ways that mattered. sorry im just #thankful. grateful. i feel like some parts of that gaping wound is stitching itself together and i cant stop crying and for once im not #crying because i'm being hurt. i'm just grateful to be here. genuinely fucking grateful that i'm alive #funny isnt it. how much love can save you if you let it #tmi #rant #embarrassed myself enough i think #sorry about that we'll go to our regularly scheduled ghoap program soon enough #i'll be okay

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iman-92 · 3 months ago

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almost been a year since i was last in therapy and wow what a journey!! i feel like i’ve grown in a lot of ways and even more so excited about who i could be with the changes i still have yet to make. what an encouraging experience, so glad i did it.

#it will never make life perfect but you just feel like you have so much more control over your life #and this is coming from someone who always said they never wanted to do it lol #we talked soo much about boundaries and people pleasing especially #and genuinely i feel like i was tested in so many ways around that in 2025 #*2024 #sometimes i succeeded sometimes I failed but every time I succeeded i felt so much better!

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tearlessrain · 4 months ago

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I mean years ago I really hoped that we might get some coherent dalish lore in this game that actually treated them with some measure of respect, and I was trying to give the benefit of the doubt that maybe people were right and the weird handling of their culture and beliefs thus far was a setup that would pay off when the veil crumbles and shit goes down and we see more of both the dalish and tevinter, and then we'd get some cool deconstruction of both the dalish gods AND the maker/andraste.

but that was years ago and by roughly the third time they re-announced the game I was starting to suspect that development had passed out of the hands of anyone who would give a shit about lore and setting and story payoff long ago.

and based on what people are saying so far it looks like that's true.

#look I know plenty of people would disagree with me on this but the dalish have always gotten shafted in these games #with how their beliefs and gods are presented and treated by the narrative and non-dalish characters #which again would be completely fine if it was going somewhere #but yeah no it looks like the writers just genuinely always felt like the dalish religion was kinda bullshit compared to the andrastians #and weren't actually planning anything #WHICH IS WHAT I SAID YEARS AGO #AND EVERYONE WAS LIKE 'NO THEY'RE TOTALLY PLANNING SOMETHING THIS IS ALL INTENTIONALLY MISLEADING'#'IT'S ALL GONNA LEAD TO A PLOT TWIST WHERE THEY'LL DECONSTRUCT ANDRASTE/THE MAKER THE SAME WAY'#it wasn't #not a great look considering this is now yet another video game series #that completely fumbled its awkwardly indigenous-coded fantasy people and couldn't be bothered to ever fix it #because they were never really important outside of being a foil for the christian-coded main characters/storyline #(yes I know there are many other cultural influences going on with the dalish)#(but my god did they lean hard into that 'naive noble savage' trope when it suited them especially in DAI)

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pyrosomatic-metamorphosis · 1 year ago

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i know too fucking much about qsmp badboyhalo.

#and also. not enough #that one big summary of his Deal was like . 1k words.#and it brushed over so much shit #like his trust issues and the vacation arc and his criminal background (on qsmp) and the way he was the first to take protecting the #eggs seriously and i dont even KNOW enough about his relationship with maxo and the french that is a big blindspot for me but bad and max #(and foolish?) og founders of the theory bros the first people who started questioning cucurucho and then the french his family the people #who keep proving to be on his side over and over and i love it when he hangs out with pierre and talks create #and when he chills with antoine and helps fix the big spinning ring #and his WEIRD warrior's bond with etoiles (bad always gets along with the protectors have you noticed that #forever was the second big egg protector and baghera took care of pomme from the start and cellbit threw himself to the feds to try to help #the island and etoiles took the weight of the code attacks from bad's shoulders to his own in entirety. he respects them all a lot and i am #chewing him to pieces)#and his relationship with baghera!!!! she can read him so so well and he fucking trusts her enough to be dapper's mom #he may have felt weird about it and was jealous and :c because tahts HIS dapper but #he didn't kill her about it #or really do anything to discourage it #and he noticed her tear streaks and her leg and got Worried about the federation 'fixing' her and #genuinely he was so so happy when he realized she was back he went !!! mode #look. LOOK at these fucking tags. look back at the post. i can Keep Talking.#my point remains i know too fucking much about qsmp badboyhalo #shit and i didn't even TALK about his weird bullshit with foolish #i need a giant corkboard

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cringelordofchaos · 8 months ago

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zia and drake parallel each other send tweet

#tmf zia #tmf drake #zia tmf #drake tmf #ive said how hailia parallels drake in the past but i kinda forogt why #bit for zia. jake is lia and drew is zoey #where one felt like they had to change themselves bc they didn't feel like the other would love their true self #they felt the need to fit in and became a jerk to appease their bully bff #for jake we knew its cuz he was bullied since he eas young and prolly had little to.no friends #idk why lia felt the need yo chabge though. she had Hailey though idk ig well find out #but in the end jia leave droey behind and embrace themselves #... though in jakes case it was more like drew left HIM instead due to how he realized their friendship was always in a way fake #and jake genuinely did try to apologize to drew and explain himself probs in hopes yo stay w him #lia walked out on zoey cuz dhe realized she was no goos for her and she became a horrible person just fkr the fake popularity #in drakes case i feel like there was more complex love and lying involved though #and both zoey n drew r probably gonna pretend they dont care though i can see drew not having the strength to pretend #meanwhile for zoey it will probd br easier to put up a facade but i can see her anger issues becoming stronger #tmf #the music freaks #freakblr #rosyblr

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longagoitwastuesday · 6 months ago

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Kusakabe, dear, you're too beautiful to be saying that kind of stuff

#jjk spoilers #All the prettiest characters were brought back from apparent death #Nobara was okay and it's true that when I read the lawyer's and Kusakabe's fights against Sukuna I thought it was being kept vague #but to pull a Nobara with all of them... idk #No one stays dead here except for the people who actually care for the kids and by that I mean 'including Yuuji'#kinda lowkey bitter about it #Don't get me wrong I like the characters and also they're super pretty but idk It makes death feel cheap? And the high stakes kinda fake?#Choso Gojo and Nanami actual only characters who died apparently #Well. Poor Itadori #And Kusukabe goes and runs his mouth that way in front of the kid. He is not entirely wrong but also he very much is #And yes he also says 'don't worry it's not for you to feel guilty over anything you're just kids' but also he did very much say that thing #about it all being Gojo's fault for not killing Itadori. In front of Itadori who feels guilty for that precisely #and in front of Megumi who asked Gojo to spare him and also went through the experience of Sukuna using his body as well #So Kusukabe's reassurance about them just being kids and not to feel guilty falls a bit empty #It does feel in character but man it truly makes one appreciate the way Gojo and Nanami dealt with the kids a lot more haha #Ui Ui seems like a dear #Anyway... this chapter felt a bit lame for the most part for me? I like the idea of the characters discussing the could have/would have #and feeling guilt and helplessness over their choices but the way it was done felt a bit lame and without any real emotional punch #It felt more like an explanation to the reader in an awkward way. And there's a lot of empty chat about guilt and grief #without any of the characters really giving off a grieving air about everything and everyone they've lost #And this is precisely what I felt was going to happen with this manga's writing haha #I truly don't understand this kind of writing choices. Contrary to some other shonen writers this author did seem to have the potential #to write this kind of thing well besides the worldbuilding and powers and fight stuff. It's truly a pity. It so breaks my heart #And still this is considered one of the good shonens. Well. WELL haha #I do think shonen can be good! I just think it falls almost always even when there's potential into bery shallow writing #I don't know. Maybe I should read that one Alchemist manga #I've been repeatedly told that one's good and it does seem like it doesn't do... this. But I find the art style so not to my linking #I wish I had never gotten into JJK for real for real. I absolutely adore it. I always end up frustrated. It could be so good. Genuinely good #And yet it's just okay in a sort of forgettable way. What a pity #Everything good ever is present but it never dares do anything to fully explore what it sets. It just does the typical shonen stuff

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ableedingpromise · 7 months ago

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I can't relate to women who want a child at all. I don't even hate children, in fact i think they're very cute!! And i understand that it could be rewarding to help nurture another human being and help them grow.

But i still can't understand the need for one. Like I've never wanted a baby and never will. But it feels scary to know that I'll always be different from everyone around me. After twenty years everyone will be happy with their own families and I'll be alone :(

#when i was younger the thought if it was disgusting but every adult always says that you grow out of these kind of things #it wasnt until i was 18 and a guy i was friends with said he was looking forward to having a child i felt genuinely confused #for some reason i was convinced that everyone was like me and didnt care about children that much.#and since the only people ive ever seen wanting children were women it shocked me even more.well not “shock”#i was just surprised to realise this was probably never gojng to be soemthing ill grow out of :(#what if ever guy i ever like wants children? theres no way i want one #and i would never bring a child i dont want into the world so #hhhhhhhhhhh #in the first place i should be worrying about my complete inability to have a healthy romantic relationship actually any relationship really #why am i worrying about marriage idk how to even be friends in the first place LOL

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