#I genuinely don't know what to do and I'm afraid
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
stateofspoon · 2 days ago
Text
i was talking to my very smart friend a while back (who loves watching a lot of bad/B movies) and he mentioned that he'd just seen the. worst. movie. he'd ever seen (and he's seen... probably thousands), so i asked what it was!
he said the name of my favorite movie.
(ok well, it's in my top 4 on Letterboxd). i got mental whiplash and went whatttt?? it is literally amazing and i am going to begin describing how.
and then he said someone literally wrote an entire book on why it's so terrible
so now i'm working on a script for a video essay to expound in great detail upon my quite frankly airtight reasoning for enjoying it so much (who knows if it will see the light of day tho...).
still working up the courage to read the book but my guess is they went into watching it from an entirely different way that i do when i experience any form of art. i'm not trying to convince anyone it's like... great art, as in, exemplifies excellence in filmmaking sophistication... but that's... not what the movie is trying to be, so like... why would i judge it according to that?
[sidenote: i'm really glad getting a fancypants art degree didn't ruin my ability to enjoy "low" or "bad" art. i'm convinced it's a skill that everyone would benefit from.] enjoy what you like, even if you know it's "bad." BUT pls don't be afraid to dig into (a) what makes it "bad" art, or (b) the nuances of why you like it, why the form and content checked all the right boxes in your brain to make it light up with enjoyment. if you can figure out how to share that with others, those are literally practical instructions for them to learn how to enjoy aspects of your favorite song even if it's terrible, or at least to appreciate more fully what it means to you 💛
dammit idk how to turn this into a shitpost i didn't intend to share genuine thoughts here hmmmmm... welp ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Tumblr media
Showing your favorite song to someone is so embarrassing lol what if I get a bad grade at my own taste and interests....
5K notes · View notes
phantomoftheorpheum · 3 days ago
Text
School Spirits Season 2 (episodes 1-3) liveblog/thoughts
**Spoilers for School Spirits Seasons 1 and 2x01-2x03
note: so last season I wrote up a lot of really detailed timeline stuff as I watched, and I don't think I'm going to do that this season, because 1. it's not a murder mystery anymore and 2. since a lot of the "mystery" elements of last season didn't tie back to Maddie at all, I can't expect all the little details to necessarily come together for the main plot. There are a couple of loose threads from that which I will keep an eye out for (honestly, I think they're just accidental loose threads), but my approach this season is more just ~vibes~
2x01
ROFL I completely forget Xavier got hit by a car at the end of season 1, like it completely slipped my mind. I possibly should have done a rewatch leading up to this, but I didn't and I'm here now, so I'm gonna go with it. I am watching the recap, though.
First question remains the same- what does Mr. Martin want? He tells Janet "the only way out is to go back in" and tells her that she needs to "go in deeper" which she does not want to do. He later tells Maddie that he wishes he had never pursued "this," though we know we can't trust him, so who knows if he actually has regrets or not. However, the fact that he runs from Maddie (and vanishes to who knows where?) suggests to me that he is genuinely afraid of something. If he were completely in control, I don't see why he would run away, what are the ghosts going to do him? Kill him?
Okay, Simon, my boy, please think clearly. Maddie literally gave you information that would have been impossible for you to have otherwise. The only reason you even found out Claire was involved in the blackmail was because of this stuff.
Lots of setup, some refreshers for the start of the season, fairly standard for a season opener. The budget feels higher already.
Unsurprisingly, it looks like Janet's past is going to play a big role in the season. Her dad seems like he sucks. I guess my immediate question is- are we getting all this backstory because it's emotionally relevant to Janet's storyline, or are we getting all this backstory because there's going to be a big plot element around it? When Janet goes to the graveyard, we see her grandmother's and her father's grave. Are those characters still in play as ghosts?
So far it does seem like the ghost characters are going to get the majority of the emotional weight. Rhonda, Charley, and Wally all already feel like they've been set up for some character development, while Nicole, Claire, and Xavier (until the end) don't have particularly clear set up for anything. Simon and Maddie have always been central, so no surprises there.
Okay, tbh, I did not think the car hitting Xavier looked that bad, but I'm going to assume he suffered a head injury or like that thing where if you get hit really hard at just the wrong moment it stops your heart, or something like that until told otherwise, because otherwise I can't figure out why he literally died for a minute.
So, my big question for the end of episode 1 is- how will this tie Xavier to the ghost world? Will he be able to see ghosts now? (I can see them not wanting to do this because Simon being the only person who can see Maddie is portrayed so heavily as a special bond, but also linking Xavier to the supernatural seems like the obvious reason they would kill him briefly, so....) Maybe it's just to get him onboard with everything because Claire is clearly not going to buy this story and Nicole seems pretty skeptical, too. I guess I'll just have to keep watching to find out.
Also seems important to mention that Janet is clearly pretty messed up from both what she's been through (and possibly her life before her death) and she appears to have been locked in a basement for like a year and I didn't miss all of that, I just don't have much commentary for it other than- I can't blame her.
2x02
Okay, so far it does feel like Xavier's brush with death is mainly to get him to be more open to everything, but I think it would be cool if he has some sort of lingering supernatural effects of the experience. Having a character die and then be brought back feels like the sort of thing that majorly changes them. If this weren't a supernatural story, I would assume that would be emotional/metaphorical change, but this show is about ghosts, so I'm kind of expecting something more than that.
I hate to say it, because I adore Wally and I hate love triangles, but it's making me itchy to watch all the Simon/Maddie/Wally scenes where Wally very clearly feels threatened. It's not there for no reason.
New additions to the cast, Yuri and Quinn. I wonder why Yuri never thought it was odd that Janet could make permanent stuff? Does he also have that skill? Because if not, surely he would notice that his stuff resets and (at least some) hers doesn't? I do like Yuri so far, though. I'm about halfway through the ep, don't feel like I know much about Quinn yet.
So we now know Janet's dad definitely sucked a lot. With that confirmed, and with the scene of Janet hiding under the stairs (as Maddie) with the person going up and down, do we think that's her father's ghost? (It wouldn't surprise me at all if Janet sees ghosts even though she's technically alive now). And... How did he die? did she (or her grandmother) kill him?
Xavier, my dude, I know I was tough on you last season, but cheating on Maddie does not mean you deserved to be hit and killed by a car.
Mr. Martin is engaged? (well, was) Interesting.
I hope someone realizes how triggering the Mr. Martin & Janet stuff clearly is for Rhonda. Obviously (so far) in the flashbacks we aren't getting the impression that it's an exact reflection of Rhonda's experiences, but close enough.
Okay, I wasn't expecting the Wally conflict to directly come up so soon, but I hope this at least means that we'll get some happy-go-lucky glimpses of him this season because it's one of my favorite elements of his character and (as Maddie basically called out) it's been very lowkey recently. I understand why he's upset/struggling, I like the layers, I just hope that's not the only side we see of him this season.
Alright, they just said Xaiver has a concussion. I'm no MD, but I did do some sports medicine training (unfortunately saw my fair share of concussions, including a couple that required ambulances, paramedics, and a trip to the hospital) and I do not think if you actually almost died of a head injury that anyone would let you back in school like the next day, even if you aren't expected in class. The lights alone would be problematic. But that's probably just me nitpicking.
So what you're telling me is Yuri saw a ghost with extra abilities and he was just like "eh 🤷‍♂️"? honestly, kinda valid. I'm glad Charley is addressing that.
I just had a thought that probably won't happen, but could be interesting, since Simon & Xavier are headed to the house that Janet is burning down, is it possible that Xavier will see Janet (Maddie) as Janet and not as Maddie? That would be an interesting effect of his death that's different from Simon's ability to talk to Maddie's ghost. I don't know how it would be helpful, but it could be cool.
Also was I right and Janet's father's ghost was actually there, or was she just imagining/remembering him? Clearly we don't know the extent of her abilities, or how the other ghosts factor in, but considering Janet's love of science and all the documentation, it would follow that she was running different experiments and she needed a bunch of different test subjects to do so. The big question being- what negative effects did she know/assume this had on them, because if it didn't have any, there would be no reason to hide it and they might do it voluntarily (they have very little to lose). Is it just that she was actively keeping them from crossing over? It seems like it would be something worse than that.
Mr. Martin is afraid of something "bigger," so clocked that. I do have an idea of what the red light means from the trailer, so not going to pretend to be super confused or speculate a lot, but not gonna explicitly say here because in case people haven't seen the trailer that addresses this.
2x03
So... do we think Claire is going to get an actual storyline, or?
Ah, there's some Wally lightness I was looking for.
Just got to the scene with Nicole's brother who I do not believe existed last season & I could be wrong, but he very much feels like a character that's been introduced to provide Claire with a new love interest and I am questioning if this would have absolutely anything to do with the central plot.
Janet's quite possibly a genius, but also she managed to leave her bag in a bathroom and lose all the money she stole, so brains aren't everything. I can't even laugh at her because I left my purse in a public bathroom a few months ago and didn't realize until I had driven an hour and half away and then had to drive an hour and half back (luckily it had been turned in) and then an hour and half the other way again.
I didn't realize I wanted more Xavier & Simon detective squad scenes until just now, but I do. I think they're really funny together, the actors bounce really well off of each other.
Okay, wait, wait, I immediately take back what I said about Nicole's brother because Janet's just been offered a ride to a college, and they just told us five minutes ago that Diego is in college, so what are the odds on "Diego sees his sister's missing best friend"? High, I'm guessing.
Well. That happened a lot faster than I was expecting it to, but okay. lol.
Can someone explain to me how the hell is Mr. Anderson is not in jail?? Stealing that much money is definitely a felony.
I can't tell if we're setting Nicole and Xavier up for a legit romance or just absolute horror and hilarity, like right now I could honestly see it going either way.
I just had to pause for like ten minutes from the secondhand embarrassment of the Wally/Janet scene. I know that's not the important part of that, but omg.
I don't understand how everyone else thought what Rhonda relayed about the party made Janet look bad instead of Mr. Martin. She literally says "no more experiments" and it seems like she wanted to give back the objects taken from the other ghosts, and I don't really get why Rhonda had to spell that out for everyone, like exercise some common sense my guys. I'm not saying that I fully buy that Mr. Martin is the ultimate evil (the man is scared of something) or that Janet is the ultimate good (setting aside the whole "stealing Maddie's body" thing, she was willing to kill Xavier with a car, so not a paragon of good morals, but still), just that I don't get what they missed about Rhonda's story to see Janet as the bad guy there.
I'm back to "Diego exists as a character solely for Claire" even though they technically used him for the plot briefly.
How did five of you lose Janet? She was literally right there.
So is it (the "hellscapes" so to speak) like a "you have to confront your death before you can move past it" kinda thing, or??
Unexpected MVP dynamic Simon & Xavier! But also Xavier should not be driving either and the girls really should have dropped both him and Simon off.
I'm not sure where Janet falls on a morality scale, but approaching Maddie's mom is rough if she doesn't intend to try to give Maddie's body back, because she has been through enough and like... oof.
It took me several hours to get through these episodes because this show has the misfortune of being on the most buggy streaming platform of all time, so my brain is tired at this point. I'll start a new post if I have any additional thoughts.
35 notes · View notes
qoldenskies · 2 days ago
Note
Yes, ever since I've found your Tumblr, I've pretty much stopped making comments on ao3 since it's kind of easier to get my thoughts out on here. But I'll most likely have something special to say in the last chapter. Anyway.
I'm glad we got to unpack the whole "Splinter screwed up" thing this chapter. And I'm starting to notice that no matter what Donnie is going through, as soon as he sees anyone in any pain, he puts aside everything to comfort them. Yeah, usually it isn't for good reasons. But because of Mikey, he gained the courage to walk with Raph all the way over to Mikey's room, let him hug him, stayed in his vicinity despite him literally yelling and crying right in his face, and even brought up the curse and an old memory of Splinter and how he was in the wrong (yeah Donnie they were in the wrong!!) but he forgave him-
Like, even if this interaction isn't perfect, I still think there was some noticeable improvement! He even giggled despite himself! My baby even brought Raph back to the lab and rebuilt Sheldon and told him how Raph wasn't the same and wanted him to know that he was safe.
Like, oh my god, qolden. As soon as the scene came up where Mikey and April were painting in the laundry room, I literally smiled so wide because yesYES. That is exactly what they would do. It's perfect. Make it a safe space! Paint murals in there! Put fairy lights on the walls! Put carpet in there! Make it a safe haven! Because I think there will be unavoidable times when he returns to the laundry room during an episode. So, I don't know, maybe if they decorated it and made it less of a sensory nightmare, that it could actually become somewhat of a peaceful place for Donnie for whenever he believes he might need one.
it was established very early on in CL that while donnie's facade was (obviously) bs, he did actually struggle quite a bit with being emotionally unavailable-- he criticizes and works on himself in private and denies it later. he seems unsure of how to properly apologize. being shouted at or accepting he's in the wrong in front of people is a struggle-- leo's "you could at least pretend to care" (something he says a variation of a few times in CL) is direct criticism of this trait because of course he would find that frustrating while cursed. when it came down to it before, leo was very patient with him because he understood how to communicate on donnie's level. even if he wasn't always able to put up with him he knew how to give him time.
but also in CL its made very apparent donnie was trying to work on it, and they exploited and took advantage of what was currently an open wound in that regard. witch town was a huge blow to his perception and ego, and april's understanding and straightforward push for him to communicate kind of turned his perception of all of it on its head. things like his fight with shelldon, too-- they stuck with him, and that left him open to being hurt. donnie is low empathy and he feels like he's imitating their behavior in order to be more open quite often, which means it was so easy to convince him he was being disingenuous.
now in the fallout of everything, donnie will still struggle to understand and comprehend other people's feelings, but he's desperate to stop them from being upset. usually he would just kind of excuse himself when things got too emotional because the energy was oppressive and he would be frustrated with himself, especially if they reacted poorly to any faux-empathy he tried to provide. (and he did care! he hated seeing them upset! he just didn't know how to make it better!)
all of the fawning and people-pleasing is really bad now basically, which means he will be extremely tolerant and consoling when they're upset, even to his own detriment (it makes him actively uncomfortable and sometimes even afraid, but he's overcorrected himself and is desperately trying to prioritize other people). it wasn't put in the foreground of the scene with mikey but he was genuinely frustrated because he does feel responsible for mikey being so hurt, just because people being upset on his behalf and sticking up for him is ,,, uncomfortable. he went for months without that, and even when he's working past blaming himself he's terrified of others blaming them, too. one of his most confident moments in cw was him shutting off shelldon's weapons when he tried to turn them on raph, and there's a reason for that.
21 notes · View notes
a-sip-of-sunshine · 22 hours ago
Text
Tumblr media
Offerings
Tumblr media
An important practice in hellenic Polytheism is the offerings. Many people already have an idea about what they are, so this post is more centered towards worshippers that stress around this concept since I'll be talking about how to handle it/how I handle it.
Offerings can range from a wide amount of things. A quick classification I can make up from the top of my head is: food offerings, other objects, and devotional acts.
When you first get introduced to hellenic Polytheism, food offerings appear as one of the main ways of building Kharis with the deities, since in general, that's what offerings do. The problem begins when we take libations and food as the better way to do offerings, putting them in some sort of subconscious pedestal over the other "methods".
Many followers can't afford to always do them to honor the gods, myself included. So, when all we see is an inability to offer things to our gods that way, it leads us to feel guilty and disappointed.
This is where I start to give tips from my own experience !
First, think of offerings as gifts. It is said to us that gifts don't always have to be something material to be significant. The same concept applies to offerings. I mentioned at the start that there were also other objects that could be given and devotional acts too. Intent is what matters. The gods don't care if you do offerings a certain way, but if the feelings are genuine from your part.
Other objects include jewelry/devotional jewelry, toys, books, etc. Basically, anything that isn't food. Devotional acts, as its name suggests, are activities that you can dedicate to your deities as long as it falls under their domain. Example: I have given Apollo a mouse fidget toy and also dedicate drawing, divination, dancing, etc.
It is as simple as that, trust me. It doesn't have to be elaborated. Now that gets me to the second point: check your resources.
You guys already know I struggled from following recon concepts and practices. You're totally free to follow them too if you can and want, but simply, some of us can't. Many sources for information about helpol come from a recon point of view, or simply others put things way more complicated/elaborated than they really are. Again, people are free to do them, but I'm focusing here on beginners/revivalists. Analyze your information and don't stay just with that. Search for easier ways to do things and overall avoid possible frustrations.
Getting back to my practice, I found out that libations didn't necessarily need to be poured out outside on the ground ! They could be poured down the sink or in a cup. Simple, right? This is mostly for those who still want to offer their gods food but in a more accessible manner. Another one is leaving the first or last bite of your food as an offering. (For Hestia, you leave both of those bites)
Note: Before applying these, know that rules still apply to Chthonic gods, not ingesting, eating, or drinking the offerings !
So now that you have both of those tips, I'll tell you one last thing: don't be afraid. It is also a shared sentiment that us helpols stress over our gods' images of us, our relationship with them, to treat them with respect and, overall, not fuck things up. Relax with your offerings, ease down. That constant worry also affects your feelings towards them, and we don't want that ! It is something that not only makes your deity happy, but you as well. The gods care about your happiness.
That's it for today ! If you want more of my rambles, feel free to interact with this post ♡ I wish you a good journey.
Tumblr media
20 notes · View notes
skiagraphe0 · 3 days ago
Text
I know exactly where it comes from: the idea all adults are evil predators who can only be in fandom spaces because they want to prey on kids. For years, people have been freaking out about adults being in the same Discord as a minor (gasp!) even though the server's topic is Animal Crossing, or been freaked out teenagers are on Reddit where adults are even though the only subreddits they have in common is r/watercolor. "Be afraid!" people scream, eyes wide in fear, "I heard a grown-up might be there and they'll unalive you or grap3 you!"
It used to be - and definitely was when I was growing up - that an adult speaking to a minor was not considered a massive risk. Adults were not seen as suspicious in hobby spaces, because it was understood that adulthood didn't mean giving up everything you'd ever liked. As the moral panic got worse, however, a sinister motive was assigned to pretty much everything. You're an adult, but you read books? Uh, books are sold at stores, and minors go to stores! You're an adult, but you play video games? Uh, minors also play games! You write fic and post it to the internet? Uh, don't you know minors are online? You're so scary!
There's also this idea a lot of Gen Z kids have that adulthood = the death of joy. When I got my master's degree, I was in classes with 18-24 year olds who were absolutely stunned that I still watch anime, play video games, read books, sew, draw, write fanfic, listen to pop music, etc. It was very odd, explaining to them that I just never thought of not doing things I like. I could tell this explanation was both confusing to them and made perfect sense. They had been told you become a husk at 30 and simply work, poop, sleep, and then one day die. They could also piece together that it wasn't logical for me to stop listening to music and drawing because I'd hit an age.
"But you're not weird about it, right?" was a question I got, often said with genuine anxiety. I would furrow my brow, confused, and ask, "I'm not sure what a 'weird' way to listen to music is? Or how to be weird about playing a game? I guess I don't, like, make room for Jesus when I make my Animal Crossing island or anything."
My dad is 84 and reads Star Trek fanfic/keeps up with the new shows.
My neighbor is 54 and loves Disney and is helping sew cosplays for her granddaughter/teaching her granddaughter how to sew.
The manager at my local Joann Fabrics is 60 and she just did her first cosplay.
Animator/artist/illustrator Tyrus Wong was still drawing and working on concept art for an idea to pitch when he died at 105.
The notion that adulthood means being miserable and sobbing in corner somewhere (if male) or tending to children (if female) and nothing else until you die is extremely recent. It's not supported by basically anything other than their own anxiety about anyone older than then being nearby. But the thing they don't seem to grasp is that their fear about someone posting someone or reading something isn't what anyone else is going to base their lives on.
If it scares you that someone has a hobby past the age you think that should be allowed, I'm sorry for you. That genuinely sounds like a lot of anxiety. Your life sounds really hard and really miserable.
But you're not my patient and I'm not a therapist. I can't help you. I can pray you get better, but that's it.
I'm not going anywhere. Neither are most people - if anything, fandom going more mainstream means we're going to see an increasingly higher number of adults getting into it, at the same time as kids into it age into being an adult.
If adults scare you, fandom isn't the hobby for you.
Tumblr media
Fandom Problem #7211:
As someone who's almost 30, I legitimately do not understand why people on this site treat you like you're totally geriatric and incapable of having hobbies or interests. It's always "lol this person is THIRTY, they must have no life!!". I find age is weaponized most of all with censorship advocates who go, "imagine being 30 and still shipping characters on TUMBLR 💀".
458 notes · View notes
there-will-be-a-way · 2 years ago
Text
Broke my almost four weeks streak of sobriety with beer on Saturday. Now I'm back to vodka 🙃 The good thing is that my social worker reassured me I can still go to the rehab clinic even if I do end up relapsing. There's the possibility to do a short term ditox right before rehab. So far the peeps in the day clinic don't know about my relaps. Or maybe they do know - because I had to do a urin test today. Haven't heard from them anyway. So if they know I'm gonna know on Wednesday. Oh well. Just glad I can still go to the rehab clinic because there my trauma will be treated - and rn I don't manage to stay sober without proper trauma therapy.
9 notes · View notes
teaboot · 2 months ago
Note
tranny freak :)
Tumblr media
458 notes · View notes
sunsetzer · 10 months ago
Text
On one hand, I want a final fantasy 6 remake, because the game is criminally underrated and the amount of fan content (which is all absolutely fantastic btw) is Not Enough for my neurodivergent, hyperfixating brain.
On the other hand, that would inevitably encourage more people to join the fandom, which would be great, except it seems these days the bigger a fandom gets the more toxic it becomes, and I really like what we have going on over here in our little corner. We all just love the game and its characters and nobody fights about who should and shouldn't date who or who you shouldn't like because they're ~problematique~. Nobody's trying to make one ship morally better than another, nobody's calling anyone names or threatening to doxx people who don't agree with their opinions. It's so peaceful and I love that for us. We're just vibing. Moisturized. Unbothered. In our lane. Flourishing.
#as someone who was in an extremely toxic and chaotic fandom and lowkey still traumatized#to the point where I'm afraid to mention which fandom it was/what my ship was#i have to say#i genuinely love it here#i was nervous at first sharing my ships and headcanons but everyone is so chill i was worried for nothing#thank you to everyone I've interacted with who has made this fandom a healing experience for me#i shudder to think about what some of the people i interacted with in a previous fandom would do with ff6#probably would take edgar's flirting at face value and call him problematic for objectifying women#instead of considering the narrative and what we know about him and the way he actually treats women#my man drinks loving and respecting women juice he's not a creep#or that weird moment with relm that admittedly made me double take before i realized what he meant#theyd have a whole campaign against him lmfao#bc those people boil characters alive until they're just a formless pile of tropes and stereotypes#and seem to disregard all positive aspects of a character they don't like which is fine#but then they go and try to force other people to think like they do and ugh#theres a lot of silly moments in the game and aspects of these characters that make them well rounded and realistically flawed at times#and i fear that would get lost in the chaos if the floodgates opened after a remake#maybe im just jaded lmao#im jaded and i have anxiety so im always thinking about The Worst Case Scenario#the collective positive spirit of the dwellers in this fandom might actually foster a positive space if more people were to come in#ff6#my post#i was gonna say maybe this is bc we're mostly adults#but that falls flat when i remember how some of the most toxic and immature people in some fandoms are grown ass adults#who bully each other and younger fans#and some of the most mature and cool people were actually younger#maybe ff6 fans are just built different lmao#also idk how old anyone else actually is there might be teenagers here i just don't think about it a lot
27 notes · View notes
marcelloandtyler · 2 days ago
Text
"We don't know that it's dead. He might have just gotten a little bit of service and now he's out of range again. And if it has died, like I said. He's smart. If he doesn't have a charger, he'd find a gas station that sold one or something, if he needed his phone to get home," she said, unable to believe she was the one comforting him when she felt a bit worked about everything. In a way, it forced her to be calm to make sure Levi stayed calm. Logically, she knew they could do nothing about it right now and she trusted her brother to make smart decisions. Marcello had been really active and outdoorsy in recent years and he knew what to do in different situations. Even if he was stuck in his car, he would be alright. It'd likely only be a few hours before a plow could rescue him.
Still, she knew what it was like to spiral and knew that sometimes pointing out logic didn't help. She rubbed his back gently.
"Sure," she said. "That sounds great. Thanks." She got up. "I'm going to run and change quick and call Nico, but I'll be right back, okay?"
She nodded. "I hope so, too. But I think it will be okay," she said genuinely, even though her anxiety was poking at her.
Allegra quickly ran up to her room to change and dialed Nico on the way. He picked up, but she could hear one of the twins screaming in the background.
"Uh, bad time?" she asked.
"Always," Nico teased. "Have you heard from Marc?"
"No," she said. "That's why I was calling you. Levi came in to talk to me and told me he'd gone hiking. He actually texted Levi a little bit ago. Or... maybe earlier but it just came through. He has bad service, his phone's dying, and he's stuck in the snow? He said he'd be home tomorrow. He didn't say where he was, like... Levi's wondering if he was in his car stuck somewhere or maybe he'd gotten stuck on the mountain? But surely, if that were the case, he'd have said so or called for help if he needed it since he apparently had a bit of service? Anyway, I was hoping he might have messaged you."
"He didn't," Nico said. "That's alarming. But it sounds like he's probably alright if he sent a text that didn't sound panicked."
Allegra took a deep breath as she tugged on thick, comfy socks and a sweatshirt. She decided she would not go to the gym; Levi needed her more and she was too anxious to leave, afraid she might miss something about her brother's whereabouts.
"Do you guys need me to come over? Does Levi? I could get a sitter," he said.
"Oh, no. Well? I'll ask Levi," she said, deciding to let Levi decide.
"Yeah, ask him. Don't tell him I'll need a sitter. I don't want that to impact his needs. I'll be here, sitter on standby. Penny will only be out for a couple more hours, so no biggy."
"Okay. I'll text you shortly."
"Okay."
They hung up and she hurried back down to Levi's side, crossing into the space. "Hey," she said. "Nico hasn't heard from him, but he offered to come over if you want him or need him to."
"But his phone is dead now. What if he didn't need it then but he needs it now?" Levi asked, frowning. He took in a deep breath and then furrowed his brows, feeling overwhelmed. He didn't need his thoughts to spiral like this.
"I bought food for us," he said quietly. "For Marcello and I for dinner. Uh, I could grab it, if you want. If you're hungry."
He took in a deep breath and then nodded his head at her words. "Yes, please. That would be good. Christ. I hope he's okay."
104 notes · View notes
blujayonthewing · 6 months ago
Text
SUPREMELY frustrating that we found something actually really cool and intriguing and plot relevant in tonight's session but I'm still so constantly preoccupied with whether the DM is going to 100% kill us with sheer poor game design that I barely have enough brainspace left over to even enjoy it
#the first half of the session was a random-off-a-rolltable encounter that had nothing to do with anything and gave us literally nothing#and used up all our resources and took a REALLY long time because it was-- you guessed it! another deadly encounter for some reason!!#that's 100% of the encounters we've had so far!#and EXPLICITLY not related to what we were trying to investigate AND creatures that drop neither loot NOR BODIES#(two wil o the wisps and a water wierd)#we did a lot better in this encounter but it WAS deadly going off CR#and the point is now we've done just a short rest and THEN found the Plot Thing-- which our bard used up a bunch of resources to access#SO NOW IT'S LIKE. OKAY LOOK. I WANNA PLAY IN THIS SPACE BUT YOU KEEP TRYING TO KILL US WITH THINGS THAT AREN'T EVEN IMPORTANT#ARE YOU ABOUT TO WHOOPSIE-DOODLE US INTO A TPK ON ACCIDENT HERE???#like... it FEELS dangerous and A Bad Idea to engage with in a way that paradoxically SHOULD mean it's safer in a game like this#like-- okay if this was ACTUALLY as dangerous as it feels we wouldn't BE here on session six. does that make sense?#like when justin had us encounter a lich at level two in session three and I was immediately like OH okay he must have a plan here.#clearly some Scripted Plot is going to happen because there's no other reason he would put us up against a lich three sessions in. you know?#we started dying immediately and I was not afraid at all as a player because I trust justin wouldn't do that for no reason#or be so stupid to have that happen accidentally#THIS CAMPAIGN HOWEVER.... I DON'T TRUST LIKE THAT!!!#ARE WE GONNA FOR REAL PERMADIE BECAUSE YOU WASTED ALL OF OUR RESOURCES ON A RANDOM ENCOUNTER FIRST AND YOU DIDN'T THINK ABOUT THAT#ARE WE GONNA FOR REAL PERMADIE BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T REALIZE WE COULD USE THE ITEM YOU GAVE US TO OPEN THIS DOOR WITH A 5TH LEVEL SPELL#I WANNA PLAY IN THE SPACE BUT IT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE THERE'S ROOM FOR RISKTAKING WHERE THE BAD OUTCOMES WOULDN'T BE UNFUN CATASTROPHIC#AAAAUUUUGHHH#[shaking him violently] what do you mean that random encounter was a deadly encounter again what do you MEEEAAN#'oh huh this fight's taking longer than I thought' THEIR AC IS 19 AND THEY'RE RESISTANT TO NONMAGIC DAMAGE??#THE WATER WIERD KEEPS DISAPPEARING BACK INTO THE POND WHERE IT'S INVISIBLE??? MY BROTHER IN CHRIST HOW DID YOU EXPECT US TO DO IT FAST#hhhhhHHHH!!!!#I SHOULD BE THINKING AND TALKING ABOUT HOW COOL THE SECOND HALF OF THE SESSION GENUINELY WAS BUT I'M TOO STRESSED TO HAVE FUN#cannot stress enough that I'm in a million campaigns and I never have this problem with other DMs or with Highly Dangerous DnD Situations#melliwyk's party are in mortal peril constantly and it's... reaching a point where it's tiresome for how badly it's wearing on the PCs#but it rarely feels unfun stressful as a player playing a game#I never feel like the DM is about to accidentally end the whole campaign by bumblefucking us into a TPK at random#you know? it's different. this just feels unmanageable
9 notes · View notes
downsteepy · 3 months ago
Text
youtube
can you believe ive spent the better part of several days throwing up for a 4 minute video
#i think i get quieter later in the video but i've been told that you can still hear me but </3#i think between it being hard for me to just say things that i want in the way that i want + being afraid of making long videos for some#reason . its difficult for me to do smth like this bc yeah i can kind of spit out some cohesive thoughts within 4 minutes but also like.#i could go on for hours !!!!! i just dont think i could. my throat hurts and this was just 4 minutes worth of speaking#it's like just a weird gray area thing w this where i dont HATE it but i'm also not like 'this is my magnum opus'#it's also just difficult in general for me to talk abt this movie at length. i genuinely just like keep circling back around to 4 different#points and reiterating things and its hard to not do that.#i think i could revisit this topic with more quick thoughts 4 more times and never really truly be done. i don't know why i chose this movi#to be the first one i dump my thoughts about someplace . i just think about it a lot and how there's like.#idk inherent melancholy to it.#it's also just like a nagging thought in the back of my mind that someone will misinterpret what i'm saying so genuinely#to combat that my only defense is make it short + sweet and if someone asks somewhere for more thoughts. give them there. i dony know#if i made a directors cut of this video it would genuinely span over like 7 hours with tangents that are somehow still related. believe me#Um anyway please be nice to me. love you#Youtube
4 notes · View notes
cantfightmoonlight · 2 days ago
Text
"Eh," Elif shrugged. "You're fine. Could be nicer, but you make up for it in the bedroom," She accessed. "Oh. That I could agree on. I don't exactly love it here either, but I mean, why couldn't you just go to the beach anyway?" She asked, genuinely confused as to who would stop him, but then again, she didn't exactly understand the inner workings of the fae court. "Now that I don't believe," She shook her head at the thought. "I think you have plenty capacity to love. You just chose not to. Maybe you're afraid to."
"You've shown up with cheap wine in a box or has he?" She wondered curiously. "You don't take me for a cheap wine guy, but then again, you don't buy the kind of bagels I'd expect from a guy like you either and I don't think so? He asked me to get food, but I don't think that counts."
"The guy who tried to run for Mayor when Meena was gone. He's the head of a pack. One that he tried to get me to start with him. He's also sort of my ex-fiancé who I've been running from ever since," She admitted quietly. "Sure. We could do that too," She began to offer only for her eyes to widen as Suresh told him that he genuinely liked her. A warm smile managed to break across her lips at the thought. "Really? I like you too," She admitted without so much as an after thought. "I," She bite down on her bottom lip. Her gaze fell to the sand as she gave him a small shrug. "I'm kind of afraid to leave too. It's why I haven't yet. I don't really have anywhere else to go and I don't know if I'll make it out there even if I were to, but I also don't want to know what will happen if I stay.
Tumblr media
Suresh narrowed his eyes. "And why shouldn't I? Aren't I fascinating? The great epic poets wrote of sirens. It was certainly good enough for those blokes, love." Crossing his arms, he gave a low huff. "This town. I loathe aspects of this bloody town. Every full moon, I should be out here doing what I'm supposed to, just as you are. And yet, I get confined to the Fae rooms. Maybe people shouldn't be on the beach if they don't want to be sung at." He kicked some sand at the smoldering pan. And looking back to her, Suresh sniffed. "I had the capacity to love wrung out of me long ago." He did not think he loved to hate; he simply did not know how to stop.
Suresh rolled his eyes. "No. Of course not. Gentlemen know better than to show up with cheap wine. In a box," he scoffed. "And no, I'm bloody not. There. True. I said it. Bruce does seem to be a three way type, but that's a shame. That Efe chap is rather strapping. Maybe I should look into that. Are you and he...doing something?" He pursed up his lips.
"Do I look like a bloody dolphin? Don't answer that. Who even is Damien? The Omen? Maybe you need an exorcist," Suresh suggested dully, but shoulders slumping, he gave a low sigh. "I don't know either. Do you want to fuck in Europe when we get there? I just...For all my talk, I'm very afraid to leave, love. And I also don't want you to leave because somewhere, in my own way, I do...like you. You are one of the few people I can tolerate, so I don't want you to leave either."
Tumblr media
28 notes · View notes
nexus-nebulae · 5 days ago
Text
its kinda strange being sorta objectum i think but still very aroace bc i just kinda feel like im in a qpr with my computer and wheelchair
5 notes · View notes
blubble-lake · 1 year ago
Text
Tumblr media
it's been over 2 weeks and this thing (unfortunately) still has a grip on me
20 notes · View notes
cosmogyros · 1 month ago
Text
.
#three gigantic explosions went off RIGHT under my window in the past hour alone#every time it's so loud my body reacts with total panic like i've just been shot and i'm dying#my chest physically hurts. like i'm scared i might have a heart attack from this#sitting here in my living room feeling the least safe i've ever felt at home and so terrified i'm sobbing uncontrollably#it's just constant tension and fear and bracing myself for the next one#and it's barely 5 pm. this will probably continue until 3 or 4 in the morning at least. if not literally all night#this is fucking insane. it's never been this bad before. i genuinely don't know if my health can handle this#but i have nowhere to go. i'm so scared. i don't know what to do#can't even call the police because this shit is inexplicably legal???#i tried earplugs but it's so loud it makes zero difference. like imagine telling someone in a war zone to wear earplugs#jesus christ i can smell the gunpowder even from indoors#i'm so scared. this is horrible. i wish i could take some super strong drug to knock me out until tomorrow#but any drug strong enough to keep me unconscious through this shit would be strong enough that i wouldn't feel safe taking it at all#i saw my neighbor throw something out his window that i first thought was a firecracker?#but it fizzled and went out so maybe it was just a cigarette butt#but if i see someone in my building setting firecrackers off... i'm genuinely afraid of what i might do#like i'm scared i might fully lose it and go bang on their door and get in a physical altercation with them#i cannot emphasize how much i am in full fight-or-flight nothing-to-lose mode right now. and i can't flee. so that leaves only fighting#i might never get citizenship if i'm arrested for attacking somebody but even that thought isn't enough to hold me back rn#this is awful awful awful. i don't know what to do. how am i going to make it through this night? how is this shit not illegal?#i wish i could at least stop crying jfc this is horrible
2 notes · View notes
yesplsnothankyou · 5 months ago
Text
I only come on tumblr when I'm at the very end of my rope and barely hanging on by a quickly disintegrating thread and I don't know what that tells you about me
#boygenius#lah posting#I took the drugs again#I'm worse but better#I will not stagnate#i have therapy tomorrow#it's gonna be another one of those times when I spend the whole time crying#I don't have anyone anymore that i can rely on to hold space for me when I cry#i can hold space for my own emotions now thank you very much#i'm extremely proud of that fact because six months ago that hill felt absolutely insurmountable#but it really helps when there's occasionally someone else to help with that#sorrow shared is half the sorrow and joy shared is double joy#and all that#but i'm really scared for how this is going to end#i'm in really fucking deep at this point#and it's only getting deeper#i don't want to lose my person or the farm or our plans for the future#but it can't go on like this#no matter what i do#and i can't make him realise and i can't do it for him#but i'm afraid that instead of facing the music and turning shit around he's going to choose a much worse way of dealing with things#If this ends i don't think i could ever date again#i know that's dramatic but i'm being very serious about this#i keep thinking i'm dating someone completely different each time but then every time without fail after a year or two#they get into a deep funk and can't seem to do anything but stew and complain and be mean and ruin any chance of being in a good mood#every single time to the point where i wonder if that's just what happens to people who date me#and i can't stand it because while i'm far from toxic positivity i take pride in choosing to not behave like that when things dont go my wa#but i can't risk letting this keep happening again. I genuinely think i can now be happier loving myself than i'd ever be trusting romance.#I've come so far in my healing and I can't keep letting people derail me who have no idea how to self-regulate or have self-compassion#I'm getting sick again. I can feel it happening in my body
3 notes · View notes