#I fuckinf hate myself
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HELOP💀
HI I KNOW I SAID I WOULDN'T BE POSTING A LOT BUT I ACCIDENTALLY TYPED IN SHIGIRAKI X READER TAG AND NOW IT'S ALL IN MY HOMEPAGE AND IDK WHAT TO DO BECAUSE I'M NOT HATING IT BUTT????
#I'm scared my brother will witness this.#Its probably too late#I fuckinf hate myself#God why am I pathetic#Anyways back to suffering#Very much rhetorical post knowing no one will find this
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idk why i keep buying clothes on depop im disappointed every time..
#i recently bought this like wrap?? top and i thought it was sooo cute and i even got it in a size bigger#TELL ME WHY IT WAS A FUCKINF CROP TOP#like#im so mad at myself#i hate hate haaaate crop toos#TOPS#my torso is long yes but not this long 😭😭😭#AND THEN i bought another.. it looked like a regular top like#it arrived yesterday and . it fits like a fucking crop top#GAHHHHH#i cant even return it im just 😭😭#i could repop it but ugh#i have a shirt and a dress arriving today and im so scared .#i have my wedding party at the end of the month and its like kind of casual?? its a 'wedding party' but#its just so i can meet all of my partners extended family#but anyway#I WANNA CRY
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Tw vent in tags uh ed
Sobbing to this uh
#vent tw uwu#i haye myself so much lalala#i cant even fucking just starve myself cuz my parents have to give me food and now they want me ro eat onfront of them so i cant just throw#it out#im tryinf to eat 500 cals a daybut it keeps being 800#im literally fucking discusting bro#its so hard to hide my eating disorder when i had this SAME ed when i was 7 ans now if i dont eat one meal my parents are concerned#ive just been feelinf like shit the past like#4 fucking months#im going to school in September and im tryinf to starve myself as much as possible before then so i dont look like a ugly shit#but im just fuckinf failing#im suposed to be eating 300 or500#but instead im eatinf like800 to 1000 on some days#some days i atleast get to 600#ive bren doinf tgis shit for a month and.ive only lost.like 4 pounds#sometimes i just feel likr laying in my room all day and fuckinf rotting#eating only fucking gum and drinking monster or smth#i hate this and i know its stupid and i know i dont want to die but i KNOW this kills#i almost died when j was 7 from it#and i dont want to die#but i dont want to get better#anyway the main person keeping me alive in this shit is my poopir#egg 🐻#Spotify
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teeth are so fucking stupid like all that bacteria all that decay and you still haven’t found a way to adapt better. like it’s my fault I wasn’t encouraged to follow dental hygiene growing up now I have to suffer forever I think we should ban teeth. I wish we had ROCKS for teeth
#UGHHHHHH I FUCKING HATE TEETH#like okay whatever I have insurance now so I can fix my problems. Probablt. but im so fucking scared of doctors it’s so ughhhhhhhhh#I especially dislike dentists bc I can’t see what they’re doing in there#guys I’ve cured myself of cysts before why do I need a doctor right haha#complaining about something like this is such a first world problem but I fr only have one fear its doctors#UGHHHHHHHH delaying a dentist visit will only make things worse BUT I FUCKINF HATE DENTISTS SO MUCH
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Sakura gets a second point for being the first to complete the tree climbing at being better at chakra control, but at the same time it just feels like she was made good at it so no extra training segment time would have to be put into her getting good at it and it can be all about Sauce and Nart. Idk that feels too pessimistic but also could totally be true.
#she takes on a very 'obsever' role. like kashi is the teacher watching over them. but sock is the watching and commenting from the same#perspective of nart and sauce and also the viewer unlike kashi. cuz he provides a lot of exposition and whatnot in his inner monolgues#and its like. of course the girl is just the observer who watches alongside us as the two main boys grow and develop#AND I DONT WANNA FUCKIN BE PESSIMISTIC ABOUT THIS BUT GOD ITS IMPOSSIBLE!!!!#but her whole character so far is 'i hate the class clown. im book smart. i diet and im in love'#and the way i see it is. 12yo girl TRYING to fit into the femininity she sees in the world around her so she forces herself to be like this#but she has inner sock who speaks what she really feels showing that she puts on quite a front and isnt really much like that at all#and you expect her to grow into wanting her to truly define herself. and she does with getting stronger and training under tsunade and#learning medical ninjutsu so she really finds a spot for herself. she does!!! but then she KEEPS hanging onto the love nonsense#and admittedly there are moments that push a very obvious trope of thinking she likes sauce cuz hes cool but finding out that the real 'gem'#is nart so i definitely understand where n@rus@kus are coming from#but then she just STICKS with sauce until its the worst ship possible and its an utter mess of 'ill never give up on him'#EVEB DESPITE HIM TRYING TO KILL HER!!! THEN THAT FUCKING WORKS OUT!?!?!?#AND TOO THIS DAY SAUCE STILL NEVER COMES OFF LIKE HE ACTUALLY LOVES HER#IM SORRY BUT ITS TRUE. SARD WE ARE GETTING YOU BETTER PARENTS. ON GOD!!!!!#so she just hangs on to this one little thing that she SHOULD have gotten development for to move on from BUT IT NEVER FUCKING HAPPENS#so its like half her development never fucking happens and thats why it#s such a fuckinf mess!!!!!#i fucking hate this show. i need to go back to watching mike's dino game vod. what am i doing here?????#i did this to myself btw. i didnt need to start yelling about that but thats just how it is with nart#start thinking about something good and then it reminds you of something related thats bad and now its like. yeah this shit sucks#remember when kishi said he regretted not making hina the heroine???? we could have lived in a better timeline.#but if i say that i will get assassinated#anyway.#sock count#personal
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thinking about "mitch will assault me if i don't pick him" again.... i circle back to it all the time but it's like..... auston KNOWS how he feels about being left out and will always tease him for it but ALSO wouldn't dream of not including him anyway ...as if it were a given that mitch will always be his pick.......... his face when he says it too. i will never get over how relaxed he seems and i will NEVER stop wanting the mitch and auston leaf to leaf we are OWED. it is so long overdue, how do the leafs not understand this
#WE ARE BEING EDGED BUT IM FED UP#U KNOW WHAT THEY ARE#PUT THEM ON CAMERA TOGETHER WHERE THEY HAVE TO GIGGLE TO EACH OTHERS FACE 🔫🔪#man oh man that ten seconds of that leaf to leaf altered my fucking life#and put into perspective austons top priorities i think !#this also ties into my theory abt why mitch is the only one tagged in austons second pinned ig post#that mitch hates to be left out n will complain til hes blue in the face#and for as much as auston n mitch love to harass each other .... love is at the core of their relationship#n theyre alwYs gonna pick and choose each other tbh. and to reassure each other#like gonna pick bunts bc hes my bud.....#gonna begrudgingly choose my cosmic hockey soulmate who would kill me if i didnt but also .#id never dream of having an answer besides him either so ha ha ! SO FUN !#sorry im a fucking mess#find myself revisiting that quote so fuckinf much i just think for as little actual personality or info as we get from them sometimes#THST WAS LIKE MAJOR RELAXED AUSTON VIBESSSSSSS as he deserves#cant wait for more content ill die for them#to see auston in the wild... reacting to things genuinely n happily ... revealing information n feelings.. is to see god
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hello chat.
#guys i’m so sad tonight#college orientation got me thinking LMFAO.#ky speaks#listen.#i just need a space to vent right now#so just ignore this guys#fuck fuck fuck !!!!!!!!#i miss my boyfriend i really do.#but i think. i’m starting to lose feelings#and it’s because we just. haven’t really been talking/being w each other#i barely see him#i hate it. i hate his parents. i hate that i’m gonna be away.#i need to see him.#im going crazy. i hate myself#at college orientation there was a really cute boy in my group. funny thing is he looks/acts similar to my boyfriend#i hope i die#lord#rips my hair out.#i need to be fuckinf sedated holy shit
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Oh my fucking god.
My motivation just comes and goes, and when either someone from my family mentions about the school I grew up in (that I'm not in anymore) I will fucking bawl my eyes out
#why cant i be normal#i miss my school.#i kinda wanna dissapear.#or starve to death.. maybe#why is it when i have the motivation to do art I CANT FUCKINF DO IRL CHORES.#I HATE MYSELF IM A PEICE OF SHIT WHO HAS NO PURPOSE#FUCKING HELL.#I WANT TO SEE MY FRIENDS.#I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE I CANT ACCEPT CHANGE#I (dont really) WANNA DIE#THIS IS TOO OVERWHELMING FOR ME#ID RATHER DIE THAN BE THIS OVERWHELMED.#good god.#vanilla-flavored-icecream#vent post
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..a fucking roach crawled on my hand now I want to peel my skin off it's fucking bone
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GAAHAHHHHH
#venting in the tags#maybe its just past darkness and the Bad Thoughts which i shouldnt listen to are clouding my brain too much#but i feel so fucking weird and inadequate over everything rn#im unable to work on drawings as i usually would have and its kinda plaguing everything which it should like yeah i love drawing but#i cant let just one aspect of me ruin everything. right? the fact that i havent been able to draw as well as i usually can should make me#feel sick to the stomach and unsure about everything i do but it happening and i hate it.#plus i got the ipad id saved up from the comms to buy and its fun and nice and all and maybe i just need more practice with it but i feel#like im not able to draw on it even more? and i spent the whole day trying to get used to it but its just not as good?? and then when i went#back to the no screen wacom i couldnt get a hang of it becuase idek its just not happening#and also the fucking art block wants me dead i swear i want to draw so bad and i have so many ideas but the moment i start anything its just#crumbles down into nothingness and i hate everything i do and gods fuck i want to cry but i can because there are people at home and#usually im a big 'crybaby' when im at home but i dont fucjing wanna be like that anymore like i can handly my shit myself im fine.#i dont need to just fuckinf cry abiut it becuase thats not gonna fox anything but also i feel like crying might just make me feel better#but then id have to hear shit from my family and i know theyre just teasing in a /pos way but i dont wanna fucking deal with that#plus my brother iust talking to him os annoying sometimes like he talks about things so condescendingly and fucking hel dude shut#the fuck up i dont need you telling me that my art is something people can 'just do' and the fact that i was able to get the ipad#'basically for free since i got that money from the little drawings i make' as if they dont fucking mean anything to you like#shut the fucking fuck up dude i worked hard on those and even though i dont like my own shit sometimes i still fucking work hard on those#fuck you you bitch#i think a lot of things are just piling up and i need to sleep#tomorrow will be a new dawn and a fresh start and maybe ill hate myself less#ps. note to anyone reading the tags#im fine i just needed to yell out and express my frustration a bit. some sleep will help surely.
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I may have just ruined the one fucking situationship type thing that could’ve turned into something real.
So I thought I was Done with bleeding with fingering cuz it hasn’t happened in a long time but it fuckinf happened with this person I’ve been seeing and I got so embarrassed and angry I started crying and couldn’t stop and they comforted me the whole time and I just fucking know that they have lost all interest in me that I doubt they even had in the first place cuz they say they’re attracted to me but like. They kinda dodge saying that they like me. Idfk.
I just know I ruined something that could’ve been wonderful because they are the absolute kindest person I’ve met irl and I just. They were so amazing and I can’t believe I’m gonna lose them and it’s all my fuckinf fault.
Today was already a horrible day and now I just. I’m skipping class tomorrow I don’t fucking care. I have work tomorrow which I can’t skip cuz I offered to cover for someone. But I’ll be sleeping all fuckinf day until then so I can just stay the fuck in bed and ignore everyone
#I literally hate myself and it’s all my fault#why can’t I be normal and not get attached so fuckinf fast#im also tired of being 18#this is the second time it’s been an issue#they brought it up tonight as potentially being an issue and I’m like. why the fuck is it an issue now but not before#im so mad at myself#im so pathetic#I ducking hate myself
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😂
#because im too much right?????? because you cant find any other way to deal with me ??????#because i keep repeating the same thing over and over and over righr ?????? ans its the same thing every month right ??????????#and i never learn right ?????????????????? So just throw me in where i belong right?????????#I canr be fucjinf legt alone on my own righr?????? i cant hodl my own righr ???????#cuznim a stupid piece of garbage who doesnt do anything but complain Right??????????#So its ok to send me away right????? so you dont havw to think about me anymore#Because ill be in good hands#Becahse they can take care of me there#Because they can make me feel better there#Righr??????????#And when i get out you can always threaten to put me back in like a dog in a kennel#you piece of shit . ILL FUCKING KILL MYSELF#ILL FUCKING KILL MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!! ILL KILL MYSELF BEFORE IT HAPPENS AGAIN !!!!!!!!!!!!!#FUCK YOU ALL#ILL KILL MYSELF#ill kill myself right fucking now#BUT I WONT HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA BWCAUSE EVERYTHING I DO IS A FALSE ALARM#STUPID PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT I FUCKINF HATE IT HERE I HATE IT HERE I HATE IT HERE I HATE IT HERE
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ooooooh girl my prof was PISSED when i told her i nominated myself to work the cameras and cuts on the podcast LOLLLLLLLLLLL
#we did some tests today they hated my script bc they were not able to read it bc the camera distracted them#im also nominated myself to be the director but honestly i think the tech guy will have to do it cos#NOBODY FUCKINF LISTENS TO MEEEEE THEY RATHER LOOK STUPIDDDDD#my script was so well done (made it last minute) i timed everything and i marked the important things and how the topics should flow#but nobody read it LOL they had no patience they wanted everything to be perfect 1st try and it was a mess#the tech guy was about to kill himself#well we cant do much w what we were given tbh the mics were awful the cameras are not that good and everybody#feels nervous on camera and ppl from my city have an accent were ITS HARD to understand what we say and#they werent able to enunciate words well and they stuttered or forgot how to say things it was a mess#IM A MESS MESS MESS MESS MESS MESS IM A MESS IN DISTRESS
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I was just informed it isn’t normal to truly believe one day you will date your celebrity crush. um?
#every day#i realize how fuckinf massive my ego is#how do i hate myself and think im so important at the same time#bitch pick a side#okay ramble over#and no I’m not some freak that thinks I’m dating him rn#and like. im a lesbian#why do I believe this??#ok now the ramble is actually over
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.
#i’m so genuinely unhappy with myself#there isn’t a single fucking part of myself that i like#and there is no fixing that#i’m just a repulsive failure#fuckinf hate this
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me and the devil (dermatillomania)
#i hate this shit fuckinf thing#why was I cursed with ocd#my cheeks are burning bc I can’t not pick at my skin#fffffffffffffffffff kms#so upset with myself my skin was doing so well#but no I can’t just leave it alone
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