#I fuck with this dumbass trio

[keepin-it-on-the-d-l]

Tfw you’re trying to parent your emotionally emancipated(?) child but your friend/coworker is a massive pushover

[sapphic-agent]

"What is this Mickey Mouse Kaisen-" SHUT THE FUCK UP THE TRIO IS BACK

[spacespheal]

I found something new to obsess over

[kirayamidemon]

if they fucking get nakamura im fucking quititng this fucking game

[sneebl]

ohhh i'm stupid i have a new crush guys

[arcanaaa]

Yet another Trio headcanon that I must share because I have no self-control, so feel free to reblog @hellfrze and @shinebrightlikealion; during the start of their time together taking missions, the three of them would have discussed contingencies ( especially ones that Cana could predict ) and countermeasures to prevent unnecessary risk for their team. I can see the three of them developing a code word, carrying an enchanted item imbued with each of their magics, or a failsafe in the event that something goes wrong during a mission or if any of them need backup. This is mostly to ensure that they could find each other if they became separated, but also if one or the other was in serious danger, they could activate an item that holds each other's magic or recite a phrase that would alert each other that they were under duress or danger.

Each of them would have carefully considered their code word that would only be used in a context that no one else but they would interpret, something personal that the three of them would immediately recognize. However, the items that they each carry that are imbued with each of their magic essence would be items that they carry on their person:

Cana's armbands, an heirloom from her mother, are each infused with Loke and Gray's magic, with the Left armband charmed with Loke's magic, while the Right is fused with Gray's magic. With both her boys' magic infused in each armband, it allows them the ability to track her location in the event that they're on a dangerous mission that separates them. She can alert them just by rotating the band, or by just touching them. Cana would never have any reason for taking her armbands off, so it would act as a perfect accompaniment for any disguises. This also would mean that if her armbands were removed by anyone else than herself ( because the only time she would ever take them off would be to bathe ), it would alert Gray and Loke that she's in danger and to come find her ASAP.

It's also the same for Loke and Gray.

For Gray, both Loke and Cana's magic is imbued in his sword necklace where the stone is centered, and should he touch his necklace or it is removed by anyone else than himself, it would alert Loke and Cana that he's in danger. For Loke, because his primary source of magic that he utilized while he was a 'human' was from the rings he wore, it's likely that he would have either had one ring that Gray and Cana infused with their magic, or he had each of them imbue their magic on specific rings. Even as a spirit, Loke never took the rings that he wore, more out of sentimentality than necessity, and continued to wear them even after his banishment was lifted.

Even when they don't team up together as a Trio, they all carry each other's magic; whether this is a conscious decision on either of their part or not, their magic continues to hold strong in their respective objects ( and also proved to come in handy unexpectedly ).

[shmorp-mcdurgen]

ash: ohhh.. you are... a sight

mark: ...

ash: soooo.... you come here often, ghost face?

mark: I died here.

ash: yikes.... did you hit your head cuz it seems to be bleeding a lot

mark: Shut the Fuck up.

ash: yeah i'm not good at that, really. say, were you always this,, fragile

mark: I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU

ash: OH SHIT-

ash runs all the way to doomguy and seth and doomguy punches mark in the stomach, shattering him into pieces-

ash tries telling doomguy he had it handled while seth crushes the shards under his boots

YEAH-

[legacysam]

been doing some writing in a vague attempt at nanowrimo, and it's been really nice to feel like...oh yeah I'm good at this. it's been so long I kind of felt like I'd have lost the magic or something but actually I might be better at it than I used to be bc I'm just. fully onboard the self-indulgent train now. I'm writing all the lovely emotional bits and intimate conversations and fuck if I know what goes in between them (the plot I guess?) but it's so nice.

[bitchimasnake-sss]

"i feel kinda ugly" ft. the monster trio!

in which the biggest dumbasses in the whole of sea comfort you when you fall prey to your shitty thoughts ft. luffy, zoro, sanji x fem!reader set-up: you happened to utter out what you thought of yourself and these men are here to prove you wrong. (kind of a serious set of headcanons, but ill try being funny when i can) warnings: nsfw; somnophilia if you squint, oral f!receiving and m!recieving, boobjob, creampie; MDNI (thankyou very much)

luffy:

my fav little gremlin's in town ^^

- "i feel kinda ugly" you had muttered it under your breath, words dissolving into the chilly night air. you were laying on your shared bed, staring up at the uneventful ceiling as he snored lightly next to you. - he was supposed to be asleep, atleast that's what you had thought (how can you expect him to stay up after eating like 500kg of meat??) - but he stirs awake almost instantly, turning his head to look at your face. he stifles a yawn, mumbling through a half-lidded gaze, "why would you say that?" - "why would i say what?" you smile, waving it off as if it had just been a wayward thought - but lord knows the amount of nights you've tossed and turned, thinking about all the ways you were incompetent for this man who lay in front of you. you weren't pretty like nami or robin, you weren't quick-witted like them, god, what did he see in you? - "who said you were ugly?" his face is scrunched up, the crease b/w his eyebrows deepening "luffy let it g-" "no. who said it?" his violent undertone doesn't go unnoticed, as if he's threatening to take care of whoever made you miserable - you don't have the heart to tell him it's yourself. you convinced yourself you weren't pretty enough. - and so, you stay silent - but his arms are pulling you impossibly close. closer and closer till your chest is pressed flushed against his and you're staring at him confused - "luf-" "that's bullshit." there's conviction in his words that make a dull warmth cascade over your face and neck. - he is pressing his forehead against yours, hands gripping onto you tightly as if letting his grip loosen means he loses this argument. "you're beautiful. you're smart and kind and beautiful." - at this point, youre about to cry - but he inhales deeply, then says "not to mention you smell like a fruit. thats tasty." - yeah the tears dried up. they fucked off and went to sahara desert. - youre currently fighting off a smile because what the actual fuck prompted this man to say that??? and more importantly what fruit do you smell like? "what fruit do i smell like?" "mhm" he's deep in thought, "tangerines" "luffy everyone smells like tangerine. it's because of nami's tangerine trees." he shrugged, "still pretty tasty" - and now youre kissing his adorably stupid face. your fingers tug on the hair on his nape lightly and he whines into the kiss, sucking on your bottom lip as he does so - "you're so pretty" and so he's kissing your neck, nibbling and grazing lazily - two seconds later, he fell asleep. - like actually fell asleep. his mouth is on your neck, open mouthed and half-nibbling and he's snoring through it all. (i mean, what did you expect from someone who had eaten 500kg of meat??) - issokay though cause the second he wakes up, his fingers are hiking one of your legs over his hip. the same fingers then slip inside the loose folds of your shorts, playing with your pretty pussy till you stir awake, moaning his name - you're the one being toyed with and he's the one whispering and whining like he's gonna explode "does that feel good, ngh-" a grin, "god... fuck, cum for me, pretty" - he continues till your velvety walls are spasming against his fast-paced fingers and your teeth are sinking into his shoulder, muffling shrieks this early in the morning - "you're gorgeous" he whispers through a grin - you choose to believe him

zoro:

myhusband ^^

- this was the last thing you wanted. truly. - zoro had just stepped out of the shower with nothing but a towel losely tied around his waist (this was after he had succesfully ignored you and trained for like an eternity) - water droplets clung onto his broad figure, slowly trailing downwards as they glided over every ridge and scar - you probably should have pulled him onto the bed with you, straddled his hips and asked him to stop ignoring you to go spend time with his swords - you probably should have. - instead, you lay stomach-down on your bed, your head softly cradled beneath your arms and against the pillow - "what's up with you?" he asks, unfazed to your tactics "nothing" you mumble half-heartedly he gave you a double over, "you sure? you're sulking more than usual" "i-" you sigh, "i just idk... i just feel kinda ugly?" - this motherfucker laughs, "yeah i mean you kinda are" - he didn't know you were serious. he didn't know till you were softly crying against the linen sheets, your body shivering against your own cries and staggered breaths - "yn?" there's panic in his voice, "yn, baby, are you crying?! fUCK IM SORRY!" - he didn't know you were serious. i mean how wAS HE SUPPOSED TO KNOW?! HE THOUGHT YOU WERE BEING DRAMATIC FOR NO REASON LIKE ALWAYS - "hey" you've never heard the swordsman speak so softly as he does now. he's pulling you up softly, placing you in his lap almost mechanically, "yn, baby-" - he lets you sob into his chest for as long as you need to, his fingers are rubbing gentle patterns into your back, arms and waist. - once you've calm down, his hand tips your face lightly towards him. he silently wipes the tears away. - he doesn't say anything and somehow his silence brings more comfort than his words could. - "don't think stupid shit" his palm is resting on your face, pouring warmth across the stretch of your cheek, "you're gorgeous." "but you said im ugly" you lean into his touch "i also said i will return back nami's loans with full interest" a small smile tugs on his lips, "sometimes even i say stupid shit" "so, you don't think i'm ugly?" - his response comes in the way of leaning in and kissing you, one hand on your cheek as the other kneads your waist. - he's laying you down, hovering over you easily and pressing hot kisses to your neck and jawline. sucking, biting till you can feel bruises blossoming across your skin. his knee presses against your core, blinding you with delicious jolts " his agile fingers are hiking up your skirt, letting it pool around your waist, "let me show you how pretty you are, baby" - so, he's pulling your panties with his teeth, he's licking a clean stripe on your inner thigh, kissing and bruising the sensitive skin "and you're dripping wet already? want me to fuck you that bad, eh?" - he's running his tongue over your clit, tracing figures as he alternates between your drooling hole and the bundle of nerves - and so obviously you're now cumming on his face, letting your juices coat his lips, thighs shaking as he gives you kitten licks to help you ride your orgasm - he looks up at you; your hairline damp with sweat, eyes closed in bliss, a warm hue of red sprinkled across your face, your chest rising and falling with each labored breath "i've never seen someone prettier" he declares from between the plush of your thighs, smiling up at you like it was the first time he had truly seen you - you choose to believe him

sanji:

mhm, a fine specimen ^^

- you don't keep secrets from sanji. - or more like you physically cannot. - this man is your greatest cheerleader, there's no way you can hide something from him no matter how squeamish it makes you to say out loud - so after noticing your off behaviour the entire evening and pestering you for twenty minutes after dinner, he had successfully got you to say what you were thinking out loud "sweetheart, darling, the apple of my eye. what is wrong?" you shake your head again, "nothing." "yn, my love, 'fess up" - he said it so sweetly you had to fess up. there was no choice. - "i just feel a bit bad about myself today" "bad? how so?" "i just... just feel kinda ugly" - he looks like he's going into cardiac arrest (he probably is) cause there's no way you, his girlfriend, literally the prettiest girl in all four seas just said that out loud - honestly, i can just see this man tearing up and blaming himself "is it me, mon chéri? did i do something wrong?" tears are clinging on dangerously onto his lasheline "what?! no!" "i am sorry. i love you so much. i must have said something wrong because you're so gorgeous, so earth-shatteringly beautiful-" - honestly you had to calm this bitch down first, explaining to him that he was perfect in every way he can be, it's probably just your own fault - but he refuses to accept it as your fault. - this man, this beautiful, amazing man has to now cling onto you and pepper kisses onto you face like there's no tomorrow. like everytime you try to speak, he wont let you cause he needs to ramble about how absolutely gorgeous you are - he spoke for so long that you are now convinced that to the world you may not be the prettiest woman alive but to this blonde man (with a great ass), you mean everything - his kisses blended into soft whispers and whimpers as you forced him to rest against the headboard and straddled his hips - you can feel his poking erection through his dress slacks as you kiss him senseless with only one goal in mind, to let him know he did nothing wrong - you nudge his slacks downwards till his cock hits you lightly in your face - your lips encircle his tip, sucking on it lightly as your hand moves up and down his length, languid and slow "yn~" his voice is a choked whisper, "you- are killing me. faster, please darling." - now you're catching his dick between your tits, massaging his length with the softness of your breasts as your tongue laps up at his tip, licking any pre-cum that escapes him "fuck fuck fuck fu-" his moans are an incoherent ramble, "i'm gon' cum, fuck you feel- so ngh- good" - he comes on your tits and face and almost releases again when he sees you scoop up the sticky fluid from the corner of your lips and lick it away - looking at you with nothing but adoration in his eyes, "yn, you are the most gorgeous woman i have seen." - you choose to believe him

a/n: honestly cannot thank you guys for how much you'be blown up these posts in the past few days, so here, have a little treat m.list

[astonmartinii]

i can do it with a broken heart [guilty as sin part three] | charles leclerc social media au

pairing: charles leclerc x fem sainz!reader

life goes on after a bombshell but this silence isn't mysterious it's ominous

MASTERLIST | GUILTY AS SIN MASTERLIST | TIP JAR

yourusername

liked by charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1 and 1,304,509 others

yourusername: don't tell lies about me and i won't tell truths about you

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user164: oh holy moly this is so much worse than i thought

user165: i don't think i can ever look at those men the same ever again

user166: SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS FOR FAVOURS?

user167: my mouth dropped open when i read that

user168: so like not to be insensitive but like who do we think it was

maxverstappen1: so like y/n obviously can't talk on this because she needs her silence but my big mouth will remain open they tried it on me that's why she mentions that she managed to make friends.

user169: what the fuck

maxverstappen1: they thought that i would be an easy target because i was so young but jokes on them i've always been taken advantage of so i saw that from a mile away (also y/n didn't want to so that obviously helped)

user170: that is actually insane like her and max are the same age so that would've made her so young i hope to god that they didn't try it with anyone older

maxverstappen1: they did but by the time they realised that it hadn't worked on me y/n had allies and fernando and seb were not about to let any of that happen

user171: thank the lord she had some friends when people control your money you'll do anything

fernandoalo_oficial: she became my daughter the moment that i saw them try and offer their family to some of the older men in the paddock

user172: i am actually in shock this was a "oh gosh this is so dramatic situation" but now it's just "holy shit i kinda need to see these guys in jail"

fernandoalo_oficial: me and you both

user173: i'm going to need ferrari to let charles out of the cage for this one

user174: kinda expected him to be in the comments supporting her i'm not going to lie

user175: he's in the likes?

user176: girl? his girlfriend is being sued by his own family and is confessing that she was offered round the paddock like a prize cow i feel like he should be actively voicing his support

oscarpiastri: you're loved and have the full support of the paddock

maxverstappen1: we're behind you 100% of the way

olliebearman: nothing but full support for you mum

pierregasly: we're all here for you no matter what we're allowed to say

fernandoalo_oficial: 🫶

sebastianvettel: it'll all work out in the end

user177: still no charles ???

user178: eh i feel like pierre is confirming charles' support in his place

maxverstappen1

liked by charles_leclerc, yourusername and 835,923 others

tagged: yourusername & charles_leclerc

maxverstappen1: i'm missing my best friend has anyone seen her?

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user179: oh good i was just about to lose it from y/n and max withdrawals

user180: at least one of the trio of dumbasses is keeping us fed

yourusername: i miss you toooooooooo :( (reply fast my lawyer has gone to the bathroom)

maxverstappen1: hurry up and win your lawsuit so we can go back to kicking ass and drinking gin and tonics

yourusername: i'm trying 🤞

maxverstappen1: and if i said it's time to red wedding them?

yourusername: i think we would be swiftly arrested

maxverstappen1: they can't arrest us our face cards are too strong

yourusername: well one of us is currently in court so what does that say about my face card

charles_leclerc: THAT YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL REGARDLESS FUCK THEM

this comment was liked by the author and @yourusername

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user181: so is that like confirmation that charles is back in PR jail in maranello

user182: right i understand that he's literally employed by them but like he's also a grown ass man who can speak up

user183: like i know max isn't obviously at ferrari and isn't contractually obligated to be teammates with carlos but even he's out here slamming him

user184: and oscar who's only in his SECOND year in the sport

oscarpiastri: bold assumption that you're the best friend max

maxverstappen1: let's not get too rowdy piastri i can deal with you as the 'child' - you cannot be a bestie as well

oscarpiastri: i don't think that's the exact rules

maxverstappen1: you'll soon learn that I MAKE THE RULES AROUND HERE BUSTER

oscarpiastri: i can't wait for y/n to kick their asses so she can come back and KICK YOURS FOR ME

maxverstappen1: she would NEVER

oscarpiastri: okay maybe she wouldn't, but my dad on the other hand ...

liked by @charles_leclerc

user185: charles just PLEASE GET ON THE MIC

user186: i'm about to lose my patience i'm not going to lie

user187: guys we have to remember that this is a complicated situation with a lot of different moving parts, as long as charles is there for her in REAL LIFE it doesn't matter what we're seeing

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carlossainz55

liked by landonorris, user190 and 308,994 others

carlossainz55: what was it you said? all is fair in love and poetry.

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user191: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

user192: not the childhood dog too ???

user193: these are unbelievable levels of hating

user194: i'd be impressed if he wasn't such an asshole

maxverstappen1: get fucked

carlossainz55: she shouldn't dish it out if she can't take it

maxverstappen1: she fell in love ?? and you thought that was a good excuse to take everything she's ever had

carlossainz55: she cost me my dream

maxverstappen1: as far i can remember, she's not on the fucking FERRARI BOARD GENIUS

carlossainz55: it's her pussy-whipped boyfriend that's the problem and she deserved this as soon as she choose him over her blood

maxverstappen1: you're insane and history will always remember you as the biggest crybaby loser to ever grace this sport

user195: so this ^^ is definitely referring to y/n's poetry

user196: are we living through scooter braun volume two

user197: @taylorswift PLEASE HELP

charles_leclerc: EAT SHIT I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL

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charles_leclerc: you are the lowest of the low and you will get what is coming to you

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charles_leclerc: there's only so long i have to stay silent and the people will know just the type of person you are

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user198: so is like carlos deleting this comments or ferrari?

user199: i bet it's ferrari

user200: 1. can they stop being allergic to fun 2. i think this has gotten past the need to uphold image like these are your employees and this is serious actually

user201: also like silencing charles when its CARLOS BEING THE MESSY ONE HE IS ACTUALLY STILL YOUR EMPLOYEE

yourusername: old habits die screaming

carlossainz55: you can spout all the 'poetry' you want it'll all belong to me anyway

yourusername: i'd rather burn my whole life down than listen to one more second of all this bitching and moaning

user202: stealing poetry? now that's a new low

user203: i'm gonna need someone to take one for the team and put a cheeky front wing in his tyre

georgerussell63: well this sounds like a job for me

charles_leclerc

liked by oscarpiastri, maxverstappen1 and 893,450 others

charles_leclerc: lets go racing.

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user206: is this even charles? where are the emojis? where is the excitement

user207: i think we might be witnessing a lil PR takeover after his deleted comments tirade under carlos' recent post

user208: you'd think they'd at least get his tone right like the rest of his account is RIGHT THERE

user209: charles leclerc's PR team we now have beef

liked by @yourusername

maxverstappen1: ugh you people are useless

oscarpiastri: i'm not going to lie i'm losing my patience

maxverstappen1: for real i'm gonna need this court case to finish up fast so we can get back to being a united front of haters

oscarpiastri: and then we can also wrestle charles' phone back by force

olliebearman: PLEASE KNOW THIS ISN'T ME I LOVE Y/N AND WE WILL LIVE TO KICK ASS AGAIN

user210: oh so they quite literally took his phone?

olliebearman: whoops

user210: ollie coming for kid of the year

olliebearman: i can't be told off for accidentally leaving my phone out while in the car and accidentally making my password something easy to remember and accidentally telling charles that his PR team had posted something - accident i swear

user211: @maxverstappen1 can you confirm they're still grossly in love?

maxverstappen1: i do have the letters to prove so but i think he's going insane with withdrawals

user212: that's it GET ME TO MARANELLO RIGHT THIS SECOND I HAVE A SCORE TO SETTLE

user213: yo i know we just got some confirmation from max but i can't help but think how lonely this must be for y/n

user214: for real if i was being sued by my family and had everything stolen from me i'd want more than some 'confirmation' through her bff in an instagram comment

carlossainz55: i hate to say i told you so @yourusername but that would be a lie i'm enjoying this so much

maxverstappen1: i want to fight you so bad but my therapist said that's bad

oscarpiastri: it's also illegal?

maxverstappen1: what's the point of being a rich white man oscar if i can't use to it to traverse the justice system and defend my bestie's honour

user215: @charles_leclerc get a backbone and do it like these two ^^

user216: i still have faith that he'll rain hell on that family when he's free

user217: well can he hurry the fuck up cause he's really shaping up to be the worst boyfriend of the year

user218: he has to get fucking loud HE CAN'T PROVE CARLOS RIGHT I DON'T WANT TO LIVE IN THAT WORLD

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, oscarpiastri and 934,520 others

yourusername: i can do it with a broken heart

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user223: no no NO WE'RE NOT DOING ALL THIS GUESSING GAME SHIT WHAT WAS THE VERDICT?

user224: it's finished?

user225: that's what the spanish media are saying

user224: well in that case Y/N WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE YOUR POETRY BACK?

maxverstappen1: a wine evening without me? prison changed you

user225: SHE'S IN PRISON?

yourusername: STOP TELLING PEOPLE I'M IN JAIL

maxverstappen1: want me to put some money in the commissary so you can buy cigarettes?

yourusername: i don't even smoke and i'M NOT IN JAIL

maxverstappen1: now you've done time can you employ some stricter parenting on oscar and ollie, they've gotten unruly with both parents absent

yourusername: i'm not an absent mother :(

oscarpiastri: SHE'S VERY PRESENT SHE'S BEEN TO EVERY RECITAL SHE CAN IN HER CURRENT CIRCUMSTANCES

maxverstappen1: did you just refer to literal FORMULA ONE GRAND PRIXS AS RECITALS?

oscarpiastri: maybe i did

yourusername: he's allowed to call them what he wants

olliebearman: i feel sufficiently supported by you mum x

yourusername: i'm glad

olliebearman: family dinner when dad gets released from ferrari's top secret base jail?

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maxverstappen1: did he just get sniped by ferrari's PR?

user226: okay cool got the main kids update but WHAT ABOUT LEO?

user227: please tell me he's been been in good care

yourusername: he's been my rock 🤞

user228: not the dog being more present than charles - it would be funny if it wasn't so sad :(

user229: so are any of you going to address the literal caption of this post

user230: there's two options here she either lost the court case or her and charles have actually broken up

user231: the fact carlos is not in this comment section actively gloating makes me think she might have actually won?

user232: but i don't want it to be the other option... charles and y/n are end game :(

user233: but he's been so so silent and that BULLSHIT response in the press conference

user234: idk the delusion in me has this theory ... she won the case but like t swift, doesn't have access to her old work so maybe she's heartbroken over losing that and then it's just exacerbated by her boyfriend's useless bosses that are holding him captive in italy (also he was totally coached to say that shit in the presser it's written all over his strangely expressive face)

user235: at this point i might go to italy and just prison break him out of there this is ridiculous

fin.

note: DON'T HATE ME YALL i promise it'll get better we must have faith in the man (i know i hate to put my faith in men) xx

extra note from me here. first, i will fix this tag list at some point idk why it's not working rn. secondly, i have been made aware by multiple people that there is a series just like this one down to characters and the name of the series on here and i can't lie i'm bummed about it. as i said on the first part (?) this is an idea i've had since the release of TTPD (and people will back me up on this) so it bums me out that there are blatant copies coming out! i'm all for inspiration but sometimes there's a difference between taking inspo and copying especially when my masterlist was posted ages ago and my first part was posted on the 9th of may.... anyways that's all i have to say! enjoy xx

taglist: in comments!

[meidiary]

( 📁 ) THEM ACTING OVERLY JEALOUS

synopsis: the monster trio and how they act when they're way too jealous for their own good...

characters: luffy, sanji & zoro!

warnings: a teeny tinyyy amount of swearing [:

a/n: first time writing for them so i'm pretty nervous!!! , hope you enjoy!! banner is made by me, inspired by the lovely @sixosix and the layout is inspired by the lovely @luckyscribbles <3

it was his fault! it really was.. he was the sole reason you were entertaining this way too confident guy- because he told you that he was out of your league! can you believe that?! and now ZORO is throwing daggers at the poor man just with his piercing gaze alone..

ignoring zoro's needy angry glares he's sending you two, you continue charming your ... acquauntance, growing his already far too stretched ego. "oh darling, how i could melt in those beautiful emerald colored eyes of yours~" and with that sanji cringe-worthy comment you got him babbling on about himself... again.

you're getting progressively more annoyed the longer you hear him try to flirt with you. nonetheless you don't move an inch, because you know he's watching your every move; waiting for you to come moping to him about the guy. he'd feel a sense pride because you came back to him. and that pride, the face he makes whenever he turns out to be right about something, albeit it's a very handsome one, is the last thing you want to witness right now.

so you keep yourself from throwing this guy's drink in his face and telling him his cologne is absolutely murdering your sense of smelling.

you look up as you suddenly stop hearing the random guy talk about some castle garden of his. he gulps hesistantly whilst zoro stands before you, hands in his pockets. "we're leaving." no you're not! "oh zoro~ i barely-" "now." you stand up and turn to leave, but quickly turn back around and give the stranger a kiss on his cheek before leaving with zoro, causing his cheeks to change to a red-shade.

"miss! will i ever see you again?!" he asks before backing up seeing zoro's death glare. "my love, if we are meant to be we will definitely meet again!" what's up with you and these shakespear lines?

zoro gives you a slight shove with his shoulder as he rolld his eyes for what seems like the millionth time this hour. "i think i found my soulmate zoro!" you sang while you interlocked you arm with his. you were met with yet another eye-roll.

"you were the one that said he's out of my league, remember?" zoro huffs annoyed. "shit- that was a joke damn it!" "if anything you're out of his fucking league, dumbass" you lean onto him as you two continue making your way back to the going merry.

"maybe i exaggerated a bit too.." you slowly admit before hearing his usual chuckle. "just don't go flirting with some stranger again, ever. shit could've gone wrong real fast y'know?" you smile sheepishly and nod. "good thing you were there huh?"

and you could've sworn you say his cheeks turn into a rose color before he swiftly turned his head to the side, greeting sanji and nami. was he blushing..?

SANJI was this close.. this close to absolutely losing it and slicing this daring man up with zoro's swords. who does he think he is? flirtingly, charmingly speaking with his lover?! well truth be told.. you two weren't official, far from it actually;

you two were so close to finally having the months-due talk about the classic, what are we-question. but of course sanji had to hit on the waitress that casually passed your table. that was your final straw. if he couldn't stop his antics for one night, you would resume yours for good.

and oh how it made him clench his fists so hard they became white, how it made him ignore all the beautiful ladies surrounding him, for what felt like the first time ever, how he saw you with your pretty dress on, that he bought for you because it reminded him of you, sat on some navy's lap, entertaining the bastard not worhty of a single enchanting smile of yours. yet there you were smiling, no laughing at something the navy said, all while you were supposed to be with sanji. laughing at something he said, playing with his hair, sat on his lap.

he was this close to exploding and increasing his bounty a good amount by punching this navy untill his fists fell off. "sanji, don't you fucking dare." nami warned him, glaring at him from the other side of the table, not in the mood to be on the run again after finally being able to relax for a day.

sanji heard nami, he did! but the minute he saw the disgusting navy's hand run up your thigh causing you to jump off of him, he finally lost it. "keep your fucking hands off her you sewer rat!" he jumped up sprinting at the navy, his snow-white fists ready to release all the pent up anger he held.

but before sanji got to the navy he was stopped by you. your soft, slightly cold hands holding back one of his clenched fists. causing him to slowly unclench it. you tried to push sanji back, knowing his uproar would bring about another navy chasing. "you alright, love?" it's as if all his previous anger vanished the moment he felt your soft touch, smelled you sweet perfume, the moment you felt like his again. "y-yeah i'm good.. but we should get goi-"

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!" the navy man roared causing the others to swiftly join the yelling. "hey aren't those those strawhat pirates with a bounty?!" from the other side of the room it felt like you could hear nami's long sigh. "see what you've done?! grab zoro, usopp and i will take luffy!" everyone complied and assumed their role.

sanji lifted his leg up ready to kick zoro awake right before you pushed him slightly making him stand on two feet again. "not doing that sanji!" he playfully rolls his eyes at your statement.

waking up zoro and running to the ship in a hurry, with a good 3 dozen navy soldiers running behind you calling you names, was the usual. but what surprised you was sanji holding your hand tightly the whole way, not letting go for a second.

once on the ship, back to sailing on the waters, while everyone was catching their breath, sanji took you aside, he interlocked your hands with his while he locked your gazes, still breathless he looks at you earnestly. his eyes illuminating the moon's glow. "i'll stop the flirting my darling, i promise. the only woman i'll charm will be you.. so you better not grow tired of it." he chuckled still a little breathless. you smiled, leaning your body onto his. "you better sanji.."

"i'm all yours sweetheart. all yours"

LUFFY felt weird. he had never met this man before, yet he suddenly has the urge to gum gum bazooka him for the rest of the day. why is he feeling this way right now? is it because he hadn't eaten yet? no that can't be it.. he just had a very good meal with you; you two had split up from the rest of the crew to have your lunch at some fancy looking restaurant on the beach.

luffy furrows his eyebrows once again because of this feeling. he figures, after a while to be completely honest, that the reason he wants to kick this man off the island is that he's taking way too long speaking with you. he's been occupying you for a good 10 minutes now.

how could he? how did he dare to take you from him so carelessly? you two were enjoying your meals, yes you were chatting about the dumbest subjects known to the world, but you were enjoying it. and then some buff man comes and dares to ask you for directions?! it would've been fine if he had left after receiving them, but no, he had to keep talking to you!

luffy was starting to see red at this point. he gets it he does, you're a beautiful woman, you're smart yet very funny, energetic and enjoyable! but you're his. even though you don't know that, even though he never told you that, you are his. and no buff, tall, slick back haired guy was going to change that one bit.

luffy dropped his food and started to walk towards the two of you, angrily eyeing the bold man who was about to get bazooka-d to some far-away island. luffy started stretching his arms, getting ready to send him off.

you notice right away and block luffy's path to the man. trying to laugh it off, you said your goodbyes to the fella and dragged luffy back to the restaurant. "what were you thinking, luff! that could've ended up horribly!" you whisper-yelled, not wanting to attract any more unwanted gazes.

"he took you from me for 10 minutes! how was I supposed to endure any longer!" luffy childishly pouts as he resumes eating. "you could've just said so! no need to bazooka anyone anywhere luf'!" his furrowed eyebrows soften as he hears his nickname.

the first time you called him that he truly hated it. "it sounds like a dog's name!" he complained. but over time, that nickname became apart of him, it was apart of his daily routine; he'd wake up to it, adventure the world with it, buy groceries with it, hear scolds with it. he became one with that silly nickname you gave him, and he wouldn't give that three-letter name up for the world. he wouldn't be able to go a day anymore without hearing you talking about how "the seashells here are so pretty luf'!", or how "i just love it when it's only you and i, luf'," and let's not forget you waking him up with the usual "luf'! sanji finished breakfast, get up already!".

"you can't go off with weird men. i won't let you.. you shouldn't leave my side for some guy that doesn't even know where he's headed!" you chuckle at his remarks. "i wouldn't leave you for anyone luf'! just.. don't bazooka someone next time.. just talk to me."

"you're mine y'know.." luffy tells you while he's munching on some of his cold meat. your eyes widen at his sudden words. "w-what?" "i said you're mine!" he says louder, a little annoyed thinking you hadn't heard him the first time. "you never said that before.."

"never needed to," he takes another bite. "but you are, so don't forget that!" he furrows his eyebrows again while saying that earning a chuckle from you. "i won't.. don't you worry"

NOTE: and that's for my first one piece ficcccc!!!

[triglycercule]

which sans aus do i think would believe in climate change challenge GO

horror: really sans (and by extension any classic variant) would believe in climate change due to being former scientists. like what type of scientist DOESN'T believe in climate change. so horror would believe in climate change but he'd be really damn pessimistic about it (because he's an asshole!) like he genuinely wouldn't care at all. sometimes on bad days he purposely litters. on really hot/cold days as a result of climate change he'd complain and start considering bring environmentally friendly. but he never does. horror wouldn't care at all

killer: he would believe in climate change but he similarly to horror wouldn't care. because he simply has more important things to care about (kities :3 nightmare :3) he thinks those things are somehow above climate change (dumbass!!!! nightmare would melt like wax because of climate change) but when faced with the reality that things are actually being affected by climate he'd be like damn.... this shit id actually happening and i'm contributing to it.... but then he'd immediately move on and get back to more important business

dust: climate change believer but he just does not care. like he tries not to be wasteful and litter and he probably properly uses a recycling bin but in the end he doesn't really give a shit if his efforts are really helping. also he kinda forgets sometimes and that's really not helping the globe. dust would bring it up in fights that he recycles and then people (horror an killer) would shit on him for A. being a pretentious stuck up dick who thinks hes better than everyone for being environmental and B. because he's a goddamn hypocrite that doesn't even stick to his own recycling goals. goddamn asshole

nightmare: he's smart enough to know that climate change does exist but he purposely pretends that it isn't real to piss people off (and get those delicious delicious negative emotions :3) and he'd do it so confidently and he'd belittle you so much that either you get so pissed off and irritated at him or you start questioning yourself and if climate change actually IS real? he'd make up fake sources for climate change being fake and site the mtt as his source because they used to be scientists 💀💀

ink: this fella doesn't even know what day of the week it is do you think they would remember climate change??? absolutely not. anyways ink probably has it scrawled down on his scarf: CLIMATE CHANFE EXISTS. IT WILL KILL THE CREATORS/CREATIONS. but then he still doesn't manage to remember it!!!! but if they could genuinely remember everyday i think ink would try to use less earth harmful stuff for his art and try to be environmentally friendly. key word TRY. this is the guy that goes around teleporting and fighting with ink they would litter the substance everywhere

dream: he really really struggled with grappling with the concept that YES climate change exists. YES there is enough trash out there to kill the earth. YES there is not much he can do about it. like every moral dilemma question about climate change was asked by dream (to swap) and he's very upset about climate change prior to maturing. but after maturing he knows that he can't do much to help climate change but he is FERVENTLY environmentally friendly and tries to remind everyone around him to help the earth (without shoving it down their throats because he's nice like that). if dream had the time he would probably start a nonprofit for helping the earth. he would start a nonprofit for everything actually. modern au dream where he has several nonprofit organizations to help various causes. someone out there's gonna love this idea

swap: he does. i think he would make a joke about it at first when being asked like CLIMATE'S CHANGING? I HOPE HER NEW OUTFIT LOOKS GREAT! or some dumbass fucking joke like that but this guy is even more environmentally friendly than dream. he goes to RALLIES for the environment. he would use environmentally friendly soaps and even fucking kitchen utensils. this guy is just here for saving the earth. he wants to really really believe that big corporations don't mean bad with pollution but he knows. theres no convincing himself that big corp wants to save the earth. even someone like swap who always has hope can't convince himself of that shit

cross: he would obviously believe in climate change. i actually don't know if theres someone here that i don't thinm believes in climate change yet. anyways cross would and he'd recycle regularly and try to be good at it. but accidents happen and he messed up his recycling sometimes and then he feels bad for it because the goddamn earth is gonna die if he doesn't at least contribute his part. cross is baffled by people who don't believe in it the same way i am at flat earthers. like HELLOthe rising temperatures are right there!!!!

error: doesn't care. he lives in the antivoid climate change doesn't effect him. also it would just make his job easier :3 error LAUGHS in the face of rising temperatures

now you may ask why did you decide to post this. but what you should really be asking is why not shouldn't i have posted this. the question was clearly on everyone's minds. i was just the only one brave enough to step up and determine if these fictional characters would care about our world melting to death (OBVIOUSLY)

[4ngels0uls]

M.A.T.T. - Matt sturniolo

Since streamer Matt is back <3

Also based on the new twitch stream all of them did.

Don’t like? Don’t read?

Summary: nick, Matt, Chris all play Fortnite for a bit, trying to keep y/n and Matt relationship a secret but Matt is making that hard really to do. But he keeps his act so y/n doesn’t get hate. but fuck… y/n is looking fucking hot…

Paring: fem!reader + gamer!matt

Warnings: SMUT, secret relationship, strong language, disagreement, , oral (Fem!receiving), pet names (slut, ma etc?), getting caught, etc.

A/N: HOLY FUCK I LOVE MATT STURNIOLO BUT ALSO CHRIS?😻 I can’t decide tbh. Switched the name.

————————————————————

Y/ns pov

“Fuck!” Matt yells from dying on Fortnite for the 5th time. You’ve been the triplets friends since…. You don’t even know… maybe since you guys were 2 or 3? I don’t know, but you moved into their place with them and now you and Matt are basically attached together. Nobody knows but Chris and nick.

You get up from his (Matt’s) bed and walk over to nick, Matt, and Chris all taking turns playing rounds of Fortnite. The chat starts to spam “hi y/n” “I love her sm”

Matt looks over at me and smiles and you smile back. Chris hits him and gives him the eyes of “don’t fucking do that, they’ll know you dumbass” Matt flinch’s but doesn’t say anything. You stand watching the game till you look over and see how much people are watching.

Your eyes go wide and you start feeling your anxiety to rise. You let a sigh out and sit beside Chris on the bead as Matt plays the game, soon to be nicks turn. You zone out staring at Matt. Why can’t he use his fingers on me like he does with that controller? Why can’t I be his good girl and he’ll pound into me like I’m a little toy? Fuck… is all you can think.

You start to feel wet at the thoughts you’re having of Matt. Matt loses the game “fuck sakes!” He yells and passes the controller to nick. You clench your thighs together and Chris looks at you and whispers “are you okay y/n?” You slowly turn your head towards Chris. “I-I’m fine.” You stutter. Chris raise his eyebrow at you considering you don’t stutter much.

you sigh and try to keep you cool but you can’t at the thought of Matt being rough on you. Nick eventually loses and Chris takes the controller and plays the game, a little bit after Chris loses “fuck!” Chris yells. “Do you guys just wanna play trios?” Matt asks. “sure” nick and Chris both agree.

Nick and Chris get up and leave the room leaving you and Matt alone with the stream. You get up and sit beside Matt while he sets up the stream. He gets it all set up and they ready up for the game. Matt mutes his mic fast and whispers in your ear so no one can read his lips. “I’m going to fucking pound into to you after the stream.”

He pulls his head away and smirks at you as you look at him and your eyes go wide. You blush at the thought of that happening. He unmutes his mic “Matt! Fucking stop!” Chris yells trying to get not to get you and Matt caught. “Sorry sorry..” Matt answers. They land on the bottom right of the map. They get the medallion and drive around.

————————————————————

“Alright guys we’re going to go now, see you guys soon!” Matt says as everyone in the chat says goodbye and all three of the triplets throw up the peace sign and Matt ends the stream. “You going to keep your word?” You ask Matt. “Fuck yes.” He says as he picks you up and brings you to his bed. “your fucking slut, trying to think I don’t know your wet? I heard you stutter”

You stare up at Matt with a little shock after admitting he heard you stutter to Chris. Matt smashes his lips into yours, making a full on make out sesh. He tugs on your waistband of your pyjama pants. He pulls it right off along with your underwear. He pull his pants down with his boxers also. He takes your shirt and rips it off.

“No bra?” Matt smirks. “Matt! That was a good shirt!” You scold Matt. “Sorry ma. I’ll buy you a new one.” You roll your eyes at Matt response. “Fucking roll your eyes at me again I’ll fuck them till they get stuck.” He threatens you. “Don’t threaten me with a good time.” You reply. He chuckles at your answer and moves his face in Between your thighs.

He kisses along your inner thighs and gets to your aching core. He moved his lips to your clit. “oh fuck” you moan softly. He sucks and licks your clit making you a moaning mess. He puts his two fingers in your hole making you gasp at the sudden pleasure. You wrap your fingers in between his brown locks as you let whimpers out of your mouth.

Your legs start squeezing Matt’s head. You now have your legs wrap around Matt’s head as he eats you out. “Fuck Matt!” You moan. You thrust your hips into Matt face. He sticks his tongue into your hole making you whimper loudly. “Matt! Close!” You moan.

“Wait a sec” he mumbles against your core, sending waves of pleasure through out your body. “Please!” You yell. “now you can.” He says and the knot in your stomach snaps and you moan. He starts cleaning your juices and you start to feel him writing something. M.A.T.T. Right on your core.

he slides his finger on his chin, wiping up your release off his chin and he licks its off his finger. “Fuck y/n… you taste so good” he groans. He kisses you and you groan at the taste of your self in his mouth. He lays your head down on the pillows and crawls up to you and hovers above you.

He sucks on your neck leaving big purple hickey on your neck, obvious you guys either had a hot make out or had sex, and obviously one is very true. He teases you by sliding his tip against your slits. “Please don’t tease matt” you beg but moan at the same time. He slides himself into your core. Your pussy swallowing his dick. You scrunch your face at the pain because you forgot he’s big.

“m-Matt don’t move too big..” you whine. “Are you okay?” “M-mhm” you grunt. He kisses your collarbone to distract you from the pain. The pain slowly turns pleasure. “o-okay you can move.” You tell him as he smirks and slowly moves his hips. He slowly makes his pace faster and faster. He eventually hits your g spot “fuck Matt!” You scream. “I found it” he smirks as he talks.

He grabs my hips to fasten his pace a bit more. You start to arch your back from the pleasure. “Fuck y/n…” he groans. “Hey ma- HOLY SHIT!” “Matt! FUCKING JESUS” nick and Chris yell. Matt grabs a blanket and puts it over you guys. “Fucking leave!” Matt yells. You stare at nick and Chris as you look fucked out. They close the door almost immediately.

“Jesus fucking Christ..” he Mumbles. He starts to thrusts his hips more than he did he before. He grabs his belt that he had on before. He wraps his belt around your hands, tying your arms behind your back and he starts pounding into to you, his balls slapping against you clit each thrust.

“Ohh fuckk Matt!” You moan. “Fuck your tight..” he groans as he pumps inside of you at an every fast pace. He speeds his pace making not able to even say a thing but his name. “MATT!” You scream. You feel the knot in your stomach start to feel the knot almost snap. “C-cum!” You yell. “go ahead.” He grunts. You release as soon as he opens his mouth. “Humghh matt!” You moan as you cum.

“Fuckk” he groans as he releases his cum into your pussy, painting your walls completely white. He falls down beside you as his cum leaks out of you. He gets up and hovers above you. He start licking your stomach and starts to spell something. M.A.T.T. Right a cross your stomach. He backs up and smirks at you. He leans up and kisses you.

Matt gets up and walks over to the washroom, grabbing a wet cloth so you don’t have all cum over you guys. He cleans you both up and he helps you put all your clothes back on. You go to get up to go get water but your legs are more wobbly than a broken Chair. You sit back down and whine. Matt chuckles at you and goes to go get water in the kitchen.

————————————————————

Matt’s pov

I go get up to get water for y/n considering she can’t walk from the way I fucked her. I walk to the kitchen and see nick and Chris. The silence is very awkward since when Chris and nick walked into the room from when me and y/n were fucking.

I grab a cup and fill it up with water. “hey Matt..?” Chris questions. “yup?” I answer with an attitude. “why after the stream.” Chris questions again. I stare at the water that’s in the cup. “why not?” I ask. “can’t really see you the same bro, kinda weird.” Chris says. I take a glare at him. “Cool.” I answer coldly.

I start to walk back to y/n.

End of Matt’s pov

————————————————————

Y/ns pov

Matt comes back with your cup of water. “Here” Matt says softly. You take the cup and take a sip of the water. “you gotta go piss. You’re going to get a UTI.” Matt says. “oh yeah.” You answer. “can you help me?” You ask Matt. “Yes I can.” He chuckles as he walks to you and takes you to the bathroom.

He plops you down on the toilet and you start peeing. He helps you up and takes you back to the bed. You lay down and he hovers above you. He lays his head on your stomach. He slides his finger all around your stomach as you play with his hair. He starts to spell something. M.A.T.T. He’s done it almost all over now.

Because your M.A.T.T.S.

————————————————————

A/N

got lazy wit it at the end😻

I think i gotta go write a chapter Thing on Wattpad now..

BYE BUTCHS🤗

[gay-dorito-dust]

Dear DORITO

The dumbass trio just zoning out and blankly staring at the wall. At first its Reader, then its Wade then followed by Logan.

Just three homies that might cause each other death, chillin and not doing anything. Just chillin.

‘And another thing-why are they staring at the wall?’ Logan asked the moment he saw you sat on the hard wooden floor of our shared apartment with the two men, staring blankly at the wall and with no intention of looking away anytime soon.

Wade shrugs his shoulders. ‘They’ve been at it for 48 hours, don’t know how they did it but I’m pretty sure that sitting on a hard wood flooring without anything cushioning that plush ass of theirs isn’t self care. It’s giving self torture.’

‘Will you pack it in with that ridiculous made up lingo.’ Logan snarled.

‘Okay boomer, while you conform to toxic masculinity and glare at me all you want, I’m going to go over to the fun corner with my bestie.’ Wade replied which only made Logan even more angry, but the merc didn’t care as he made his way over to your side and sat down next to you- though not before grabbing a nearby cushion and placing it on the floor to cushion his ass- only to being staring at the wall along with you.

‘Oh you’ve got to be fucking kidding me, you too?!’ Logan exclaimed as he stared daggers into yours and Wade’s back but neither of you made a sound nor movement to show that either of you heard him. He honestly didn’t know why he stuck with you and Wade for as long as he had, he could’ve fucked off by now and grouped with other liked minded people, but something deep down in Logan told him that he was just as stupid, reckless and spontaneous as the pair of you whether he’d like to admit it or not.

He was your middle ground, your somewhat voice of reason if Wade didn’t get to him all the time, the man with the plan, the leader of this marry band of chaotic and unpredictable miscreants. So while he might complain about you both, he knew he didn’t have it in him to actually leave you to your own accord, everything would be burnt down if he ever did and so Logan sighed deeply.

‘I can’t believe I’m fucking doing this.’ He mutters to himself as he forced himself to sit down on your other side, uncaring to cushion his ass to prevent potential numbness, and began to stare at the wall also with a perpetually pissed off expression across his face.

You three stayed like this for a good three days and a half with the exception being that you all needed to piss and keep yourselves feed and hydrated, other then that the mystery as to why you were all staring at the wall will remain…unsolved.

[hp-hcs]

• smut • literally everyone here is so problematic (but oh, so hot) [part 2 of drunk words, sober thoughts] — best friend! dom top! jealous! theodore nott x gn! bottom/receiving! dumbass! reader x best friend! switch! jealous! manwhore! mattheo riddle

tysm to the anon who gave me this idea ur a real one 🤲👑

okay so like, i never really state it in text but like, reader, theo, and mattheo have been like a best friend trio since first year alr?

working on a part three rn you silly lil horndogs

read the title man idk

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

“We can’t keep doing this,” you mumbled, but your head still tilted to the side to grant him better access.

“Why not?” He asked, kissing along the newly-freed skin of your neck and lightly biting down on your collarbone.

You let out a breathy half-moan. “We can’t- this isn’t fair for either of us. I can’t give you a real relationship.”

“I don’t care about that,” he said dismissively, tilting his head up to suck on the sensitive flesh on the underside of your jaw. “As long as I can have you in my bed.”

“How romantic,” you deadpan.

He laughed, shutting you up with yet another sharp thrust of his hips. “Never said I was, darlin’.”

You gasped and moaned. “Fuck! Th-there!”

He followed your directions, gripping your hips tighter and driving into you with renewed vigor.

Your thighs trembled and your nails raked along his back as you came with a low moan of his name.

He followed right after you, moaning and burying his face into the side of your neck. His hair, damp with sweat, brushed against your jaw, making you smile as you felt him shake above you.

He caught his breath after a moment, pulling out and rolling off of you. “You know that you can’t just keep sleeping with me to forget about him, right?”

“Oh, c’mon. Like you’re gonna complain? Don’t you want a hot-albeit-emotional-disaster such as myself in your bed?”

“I mean, I’m not gonna say no to that,” he snickered, reaching over the side of his bed to retrieve his shirt from the pile of discarded clothes before tugging it over your head and helping you get your arms through the sleeves. He laid back down so you could curl into his side, wrapping an arm around your middle and mindlessly running his fingers up and down your side.

You both lay in a comfortable silence for a moment before you quietly murmured, “Thank you.”

“For the sex or the pep talk?” He teased, running a gentle hand through your hair.

“Both,” you give him a half smile, leaning up to kiss his cheek. “But really, I mean it. Thank you, Mattheo.”

~~~

“That’s it, shit- yeah, fuck,” Mattheo moaned, dropping his quill on his desk in favor of threading his fingers through your hair. “So good- so damn good at this.”

You’d really thought you’d be able to go to the library with Mattheo after school “to study”. And you were doing plenty of that, if studying what that fine Riddle dick looks like up close is going to be a question on your Charms exam. Which, y’know, it probably won’t.

You could feel your legs cramping up from being curled up in a kneeling position underneath the table for the past ten minutes, but that didn’t stop you from tightening your grip on his thighs and taking him down as far as you could go.

His grip on your hair tightened in warning. “Shit- someone’s coming,” he hissed.

You pulled off of him just to sassily respond with, “Yeah, you.”

With just a few pumps of your fist, wrapped tight around his dick, Mattheo fell apart in the middle of the library.

~~~

“Fuck! Yes- shit!” Mattheo groaned and cursed.

“Shut the fuck up,” you hissed. “Are you trying to get caught?”

“I won’t claim to not be an exhibitionist,” he said in a mock-serious tone. “Besides, tell me this isn’t a hot place to fuck.”

“This isn’t a hot place to fuck,” you scoffed as you tightened your legs around his waist. “If I drown in this damn lake ‘cause of you, I will haunt your bitchass.”

~~~

“You seem to be awfully…close with Matt right now,” Theo said in an odd, stilted tone.

“Yeah,” you said shortly. “We are.”

“That’s…nice, I guess.” Theodore cleared his throat. “Riddle’s cool.”

“Yup,” you said in a bored tone, not even sparing a glance in his direction.

Theo huffed out an annoyed sigh, abandoning his fruitless questioning. “Whatever. Can you pass the butter?”

~~~

“Am I interrupting something?”

“Yeah, kinda.” Mattheo drawled.

“Apologies, won’t happen again,” Theo sneered, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the door frame as he surveyed the scene in front of him.

His longtime crush, sprawled out naked on his best friend’s bed. He kept his eyes trained pointedly at your faces, making no acknowledgment of the fact that Mattheo was three fingers deep inside you.

“So, like- this is real awkward,” Mattheo licked his lips and pursed them, unabashedly meeting Theo’s gaze and quirking an eyebrow. “You can either leave or come in, but either way, you gotta shut the door, man. That’s just common courtesy.”

Theo scoffed. “Are you seriously suggesting I stay?”

“I’m not not seriously suggesting you stay.”

“I’m not watching my best friends have sex, you fuckin’ freak.”

“Shit, what d’ya want me to say then, Mr. Prude?” Mattheo rolled his eyes. “You rather join in?”

“I’m not having a threesome with my best friends!”

“Coward.”

Theo spluttered out a protest that fell on deaf ears.

“Boys, boys, we get it. You’re both pretty,” you say dryly. “Either stay or don’t, Nott, but I’m getting fucked either way.”

Theo hesitated at the doorway before cursing under his breath and stepping inside and shutting the door behind him. “I hate you both.”

“We hate you too,” you and Mattheo replied dryly in unison.

Theo scoffed and took a hesitant step closer. He chewed on his bottom lip nervously and looked at you as he sat awkwardly on the edge of the bed. “What about the…y’know, disagreement?”

You rolled your eyes. “Oh, I’m still mad at you for that.”

“Yeah, and I’m mad at you too!” Mattheo interjected before leaning in to loudly whisper to you, “What exactly are we mad at him for?”

“Teddy’s only been my friend for the last six years because he thought he’d get lucky.” You said through a tight smile.

“That’s not- I- I mean, it kind of is, but- it’s-”

“That’s kind of a dick thing to do, Teddy,” Mattheo said in a mocking tone.

“Oh, shut the fuck up, Riddle. Like you’re not doing the exact same thing!”

“Wait, what?” You interrupted at that, but the boys continued arguing.

“You don’t get to call dibs on a person, Nott!”

“You don’t get to hook up with your best friend's crush, Riddle!”

“Oh, like you’re one to talk,” Mattheo seethed.

“Boys!” You snapped suddenly.

They both went dead silent, looking over at you with matching deer-in-headlights expressions like they’d forgotten you were there—despite the fact that you were the literal topic of their argument.

“Are you done with the damn fighting?” You prompted, your eyes narrowing.

“Yes, Y/n,” both boys chorused sheepishly, only to shoot each other glares when they thought you weren’t looking.

“Good boys,” you taunted. “Now, kiss and make up.”

“What? I’m not going to-” Theo spluttered.

“I wasn’t asking, Theodore.”

“Fine,” Theo seethed in annoyance, grabbing Mattheo by the back of his neck and yanking him into a harsh kiss. There was no romance there. No lust, no real passion. Just jealousy and anger.

Mattheo, ever the slut, still moaned and grabbed onto Theo’s hips to pull him closer, practically climbing into his lap.

Theo growled, biting down hard on his bottom lip. Mattheo whimpered and unabashedly started grinding against Theo’s thigh, moaning like a goddamn Muggle porn star.

“Fucking whore,” Theo hissed against his lips, shoving him back down onto his bed. “Thought I could trust you.”

“What, so it’s okay for you to incessantly chase Y/n, but when I do it, I’m a whore?”

“Yes!”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard, Nott.”

You rolled your eyes at their pettiness. “For the love of Merlin- you’re both stupid, how about that?”

They pause their bickering to glance over at you.

“What did you just call us, darlin’?” Mattheo asked in a suspiciously calm voice, seemingly unbothered by the fact that his best-friend-slash-current-enemy-slash-crush-stealer was actively straddling him and busying himself by nibbling and sucking at Mattheo’s neck.

A sarcastic comment died in your throat as you watched them interact. Despite Theo being preoccupied, coaxing tiny sounds out of Mattheo’s mouth with every jealousy-fueled nip at his neck, his gaze remained locked on yours.

You gulped. You’d been so confident before, but now they were staring at you with matching expressions of jealousy, possessiveness, and lust.

Ah.

Whoops.

[iiiiiiis-things]

Y/N MAKES: PANCAKES

pairing: Duke Dennis x femblack!reader

cw: MENTIONS of fingering, kai being a dumbass, agent is your twin, that's it ??

blurb: soooo yeah i rmb watching markiplier makes literally all the time so this may or may not be a series.

a/n: ummm hey ?? 😂 yes ik i've been gone i'm gonna keep it real school is rlly taking over everything so i won't be posting as frequent i'll post like once or twice a month unless it's a reblog.. but in the summer i do intend to be more present !! (may or may not drop something in valentine's day we'll see 😗)

"duke get your ass in here" he walks infront of you and kai to get to his side of the table and you take the opportunity to smack his ass with the spatula

"bae."

*smack*

"dawg."

*smack*

"ouch! nigga stop!"

he turns around giving you a stank eye rubbing his ass cheek

________

"once upon a time, in New York City, the bronx. there was a woman who dreamed a dream. to take the previously made invention of pancakes and turn it into something incredibly new and interesting and zesty." before you could finish your intro kai cuts in from the back

"woah"

"kai shut the fuck up"

________

"i have decided that it should be up to me a fine ass black woman to revive the art of lost art...of pancake... art"

"you're doing great babe"

"duke."

rolling your eyes you take a deep breath and continue on to introduce your 'guest' "but as much as i wanted to, this fine ass black woman can't do it alone i present to you." you slam your hands down on the table creating a loud boom before lifting your hand up to your right

Duke walks into the frame and made the poor choice to get his revenge and smack the hell out of your ass with his spatula, which resulted in you smacking the hell out of the side of his fat ass head "known for his strong ass flipping capability, if he were to flip at 100% capacity he would annihilate the entire universe- and trust me. i know" a smile spreads across your face as you you make eye contact with him, he laughs before resuming his composure staring at the camera with an intense look "a lot of people may call him by his nick name 'duke dennis'" you use finger quotes around his name "but his legal name is actually my man. sooo"

"it is?"

"yes it is."

he sides eye you "ion-"

"NEXT! we have the crust nestor" you raise your left hand as Kai walks in rubbing his chin as if he fine or something "if you were to even question anybody who has the greatest, crispiest, goldenest crust" "i don't think that's a word" your brother leans over and whispers

"kai"

"my bad"

"as i was saying. the greatest, crispiest, goldenest crust in the world.. they would say my brother" you stretch your hands out as you describe him. kai brows furrows at his introductory "i have a name" you look over to him and there was just silence before the video was cut to the next clip

"and if you're wondering who I am, among the two negros standing next to me well, i can't believe you dont recognize me"

"your not that popular" Kai says shaking his head in denial and laying his palms flat on the table

"okay you know what, kai.. you getting on my last nerve" you turn your body around to fully face him lowering your tone as like your mother did anytime she was about to pop the shit out of him for asking to get something from the store "i'm sorry" his head hangs low and Duke turns his head to the side and brings a hand to cover his mouth, hiding his smile.

"like i let you be in my video" "i know, i know" Kai shakes his head "and you come in here disrespecting me like i won't slap the shit out of you" you make italian hands and cock your head to the side "ok sis, i'm sorry" rolling your eyes you wrap up your introduction.

"now let's get started and with this trio of perfection, how could anything go wrong?"

________

the next clips shows you slamming the bag of flour on the table in front of you as your boyfriend and brother line it up with everything else "we're going in RAW, unpro-" before you can finish your sentence Kai bursts outs laughing and Duke joins him causing you to roll your eyes.

"we're not using recipes! we're not using measuring cups! we've been doing this for hundreds of years" you side eye duke and point his way "him fasho- but uh we totally know EXACTLY, what to do with the ingredients on display on the table on th- here.. on the table.. displayed-here..." (i actually had a stroke writing this)

"it's ok, take your time baby"

"alright, whatever we're starting now. twin give us the count down" agent starts to count down from three and you immediately go for the flour "also i forgot to mention that someone-" you glare at Duke pouring at least 1 cup of flour in your bowl "forgot the buttermilk" for some reason the first thing Kai did was spray his bowl with pam which Duke notices "the fuck?" he stops pouring the sugar in his bowl to look at Kai because for some reason the next thing he decides to do is pour in the milk.

"see unlike these two idiots, i know that your supposed mix the dry ingredients first" you say glancing up at the camera "where are the spoons?" you look around the table as Kai lifts his head and winces "oh shitttttt- my bad yall"

"nigga"

"are you serious?"

you then smack your lips "fuck it" you start to mix the dry mix with your hands after doing that you grab the vegetable oil and pour just a little inside "ice spice is so fine" Kai grabs an egg cracking it inside "she wants me to be in her new music video" Duke furrows his eyebrows grabbing the oil from you "you?" you grab the carton of eggs from Kai's side of the table "yes. me nigga" kai smacks his lips as you accidentally bump into him knocking almost half his mixture out of his bowl "my bad"

"so as you can see my opponents being the dumbass they are used two eggs when your only supposed to used one" you use your white girl voice as you crack an egg into your bowl "yall this how I be in y/n pussy" you look at duke who holds up the bowl and starts to use his middle and ring finger to mix his pancake solution "boy stop lying you be like this" you lift your fingers creating a 'c' motion duke smacks his lips and stops you "girl no the fuck i don't, i be like-" before he could correct me kai yells at us with a face of disgust "OKAY we get it god damn"

_______

after playing around for a little bit time eventually runs out and the three of you attempt to create at least a few decent pancakes "we have syrup right?" Kai asks "duh why the fuck would we have pancakes and no syrup?" Duke responds to Kai. he smacks his lips and his brows come together as he starts to get irritated "bro didn't you forget the buttermilk?" "didn't u forget the spoons?" "okay but at least-"

"oh my god both of y'all shut the fuck up."

you all finish up your pancakes in separate rooms to create a little bit of suspense and to see who pancakes turned out the best and after setting the camera back up it was time to present.

"hey guys" agent waves at the camera as he fixes the flash "i'm going to be the judge of everyone waffles" you look up and fixes his statement "pancakes" "same difference"

______

"why the fuck is it hard?" agent tries to cut Kai black ass pancake with a knife but it doesn't budge "and black" Duke adds trying to get Kai eliminated but the way your twin was struggling to slice it was already enough. "you see it was a visual representation of my sister" Kai uses his arms to explain as you step forward "nigga u tryna be funny? alls i see is a black ass blob"

"it was supposed to be a monkey."

agent ends up picking up the mess with his hand, but it was so hard he couldn't even take a bite..

"alright next." he moves over next to you and removes the lid on top of your plate and he immediately begins laughing. Duke and Kai comes up to see what so funny as they soon realized what you created "i was inspired by the song peaches and eggplants featuring sexyy red and mulatto" your white girl voice comes back as you hold up the plate for the camera to see. obviously it was a peach and eggplant you even took the time to color your batter but what agent found so hilarious was the powdered sugar and whip cream spread across the peach and syrup leaking from the tip of the eggplant.

"alright, alright cmon lemme taste it" he grabs a fork and begins to slice through "hey!! i can cut through this one!" Duke laugh booms throughout the house as Kai rolls his eyes, after successfully cutting a nice piece of the peach he stuffs it into his mouth and begins chewing "mmm." you look at him with momma lips telling him he better say something good or he was gonna be fired "i mean yeah it's good. like real shit. but-" you whip your head to him seeing what else he has to say "wayyy to much whip cream, it makes the waffle extra sweet it would've been better with a drizzle of syrup" you once again correct him "pancakes" "shut up, tomato tomata"

"ok duke you ready?" "no" " to bad" he removes the lid exposing his pancake which didn't look bad at all but he forgot one thing "just normal waffles?" you scream from behind the camera "PANCAKES" "I KNOW WHAT I SAID" your boyfriend breaks up the small bickering "well shit how was i supposed to know we was making eggplants and monkeys? ain't nobody told me shit." he shrugs as agent cuts through his pancake and drowns it in syrup that spilt over on the plate before stuffing it in his mouth "mmm. it's not bad" you walk back into the camera frame wrapping your arms around Duke waist giving him a peck on the cheek which makes him grin "don't playyyy! see my baby can cook!" "but-" "damnit never mind" duke frowns as he catches an attitude and removes your arms from around him and agent continues "i don't know what the fuck u did but this is the chewiest waffle i ever tasted"

you walk over to the plate and you grab another fork to taste, cutting a small triangular piece you bite the tip off immediately realizing what twin was talking about "it's not necessarily chewy... it's like.. doughy" waving Duke over he walks up behind you wrapping one arm around your waist. lifting up the fork with leftover pancake on it you bring it to his mouth as he takes a big ass bite stuffing the rest in his mouth. Duke chews and chews soon swallowing "i don't see what yall talking 'bout that shit good" he points to his plate. Kai pops up out of nowhere with a fork squeezing inbetween you and agent trying to snag a piece he rolls his eyes and leaves back behind the camera to make sure it was still recording. "what the shit ?? this shit taste like ass" Kai immediately spits it out and Duek smacks his lips "nigga stop playing wimme that shit taste amazing!"

you move over grabbing your own plate over so the three of you can taste it. you and your brother both take a bite of the eggplant as Duke waits patiently for you to feed it to him "mmm. yeahh thats perfect. i don't even wanna taste the peach" kai shakes his head in disbelief that you actually made a decent pancake, rolling your eyes u feed duke a small piece of the eggplant, being a little nervous for his reaction "mmhm." he balls his fist bringing it to his mouth "oh yeah" he points towards your plate "that's the shit right there" you smile glad that he took a liking to your creation "thank you baby" you give him a kiss and Kai once again interrupts "ALRIGHT, my turn!"

"i'm not eating that shit."