#I finished and scheduled this page to post like a week early
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pdalicedraws ¡ 1 year ago
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Nobody's having a good time!
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thedevotionaltour ¡ 8 months ago
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in terms of art alone im sorry. im a jrjr defender to my last breath you be fucking nice to him. i dont wanna hear shit❗️❗️❗️
#can someone also get him better inkers rn i am begging. pleading even. HE MAKES GOOD STUFF THEY JUST GIVE HIM SHIT INKERS WHO DONT GET IT.#MY FIRM BELIEF. im sorry. i like his stuff. there are certain things not quite my taste but i think he does good overall im a fan. BE NICE#static.soundz#sorry that last post was so directly inspired by seeing someone go can u guys be nice he is on a fucking nutbag schedule. which he is.#i dont think some people understand the insanity of comic production. and how much it takes a toll on you.#many have said and i will say it too: comics is a killing industry. it is a beautiful fun job. it is fulfilling. it will also destroy you.#the most common and easiest to use example is in fact the manga industry. they want chapters in a week. 20 page type chapters in a week.#A WEEK!!! and currently look at things like webtoon as well which also expect the same amount of pages. in a week. an issue in a week#is an insane demand. it is an unreasonable demand. it is scheduling that leads you to a crash and burnout and health issues#because it is fully finished polished pages. as much as i poke and complain about how some things look there#i am also highly aware of production schedules. even if some styles are not my taste that still doesnt mean it isnt insane work#and it's the same in american big industry comics too. it isnt weekly demand the way those are. but it's still an intense schedule#you are working on pages and can get behind years before those comics even hit shelves.#and as it becomes more individualized too as we lose the team element and work becomes more one person doing all pencils and inks#that schedule is a lot. it just is. it doesnt matter if theres more time in comparison to other parts of the industry#the point is that it is all very demanding and exploitative. there is a drive yourself to your grave mentality here and i've had ppl try#to shove that mindset onto my and my peers which is the worst thing possible to encourage. highly alarming and disheartening to encourage#impressionable students already so worried about making it to drive themselves to an early grave. abuse substances to get through work.#work excessive hours while you still can because when you hit your 30s youre gonna lose that ability#become bitter and prepared for rejection as opposed to success because this industry sucks!#it's just such an unhealthy depressing mindset. i've had more artists preach the exact opposite as that and more ppl have been trying to#shift over to valuing your time and health. but still a lot of people are in that other mentality. and it's very very very sad.#i am only a student doing very low stakes homework for classes. i have no industry experience. and i still get it taken out of me#to do fully fledged out pages in my style in one week. this is also just a thing for me bc certain personal factors just make it hard#but still. comics are fun. they are fun. they are fulfilling. they will lead you to so many fucking issues if you are not highly careful#there is a reason why so so so many fucking comic artists have very well known issues. why you hear about so many ppl with substance issues#artists with very poor mental health. when you are in comics this is how it is.#i am glad there has been a big shift in recent years towards taking care of yourself as an artist. and that more ppl try to value it so tha#things can hopefully change at large in a broader sense. but please remember. we are an exploited chew up spit out industry too.
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vinylmango ¡ 10 days ago
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Flower Delivery (pt. 3)
(ex!Nicholas alexander chavez x ex!black!reader)
Requests:
no cause you’re most recent nicholas chavez fic ATE DOWNNN girl pls write another i beg. or literally just other nicholas chavez fics cause your writing is incredible!! - 🍒
And
I know you literally just posted flower delivery part 2 but I need part three! It’s sooooo good!!!! - anon
Description: Just when you think your life is back on track and you landed a new leading role, he’s thrust back into your life when you find out he’s in the show too. Now as you start filming, you aren’t really sure what you want anymore.
Warnings: obsessive behaviors (cont’d), he’s your scene partner…turned kinda lover (kissing only), Ryan Murphy jumpscare (yikes), mentions of episode 4 of grotesquerie (just one scene)
Word count: 2.9k words
Note: Sorry for the delay on part 3, work has been working lol, but I really appreciate all of the kindness and love everyone has been showing my posts/page <3 I ended up writing this four different times before I finally decided I liked it lol and I decided to make it longer to make up for my lack of content since I posted the last one.
Also I know the timeline is a little wonky in this in terms of Nicholas’ filming schedule for Monsters and Grotesquerie, so let’s just pretend he finished filming for Monsters completely before starting filming for Grotesquerie.
Thanks for the request 🍒 and anon!
part one part two
masterlist
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You couldn’t believe it, it was almost too good to be true. There hadn’t been any surprise deliveries or week-night break-ins for the past six months. It was almost like he just disappeared for the past six months, and part of you was relieved since you no longer had to worry about his annoying and unhinged behavior; but another part of you secretly missed him, although you had been trying to convince yourself that it was only because you had gotten so used to his presence that now it was just…different.
Since the last time he had showed up at your place unannounced you had finished the project you had been working on and landed a new lead role in a brand new Ryan Murphy project, Grotesquerie.
Although you were well aware of the controversies surrounding the director, your new agency convinced you to take the role. It was so different from anything you had ever done before, and you had been wanting to try the horror genre. It was so new, in fact, that you hadn’t even had the opportunity to meet the rest of the cast since you hadn’t auditioned in the traditional way and Ryan himself had asked you to take the role.
You were up bright and early to be on set for the first day of filming for Grotesquerie. You arrived on set at 6:30 and headed straight to the hair and makeup trailer after briefly saying hello to Ryan, the production team, and the other writers that were on set. You still hadn’t seen your scene partners, assuming they were in hair and makeup as well.
You fell into a comfortable conversation with the hair stylist and makeup artist, telling them about your other project and how you were a fairly new actor.
“Girl, don’t talk down about yourself like that. Everyone starts somewhere.” The makeup artist, Darryl, told you squeezing your shoulder as Keisha, your hair stylist, nodded in the mirror.
“Thanks.” You smiled at the pair of them before you all turned when your trailer door opened. A woman with bright red hair and green eyes walking in with a small smile on her face.
“Hey Sue!” Darryl and Keisha smiled and waved at her.
“Hey D. Hi Keisha!” The middle aged woman smiled. “Hi (y/n), it’s great to meet you. I’m Sue. I’m just here to make sure your wardrobe is correct for the upcoming scene.” She explained as you nodded. “We had a slight change to the filming schedule to work around scheduling conflicts for some of our crew so we’ll be filming a little out of order today.”
“Oh ok. No worries.” You smiled. “What’s the change?”
“Our intimacy coordinator has to pick her son up from school early today so we have to get the scenes she’s involved with out of the way first.” She explained. “When you’re done with hair and makeup and have your wardrobe on then she’ll quickly meet with you to discuss the way it will be filmed.”
“Ok. Thanks for the heads up, Sue.” You smiled again, though Darryl and Keisha could tell you were becoming anxious when Sue left.
“Don’t be nervous, (Y/n). Sarah, our intimacy coordinator, is amazing.” Keisha reassured you.
“And I know this is obviously your job, but the actor is…hot.” Darryl added after a slight pause. You and Keisha laughed as he pretended to fan himself.
Hair and makeup finished shortly after that and you were dressed and ready to go after Keisha made sure that the habit you wore in the scene was placed correctly.
You exited the trailer as you noticed a dark haired woman with curly hair was talking to a tall, broad man, dressed in a jacket with a thick white towel wrapped around his waist…your scene partner. Darryl was right. At least from the back, the man was hot and muscular.
Your hands grew clammy as you walked up to them, Sarah smiling and waving you over. You wore a small smile as you approached. The smile was replaced with your jaw nearly dropping when the man who was to be your scene partner turned around causing you to almost stop in your tracks. “(Y/n) have you met Nicholas yet?” Sarah asked as you joined their conversation.
“Yeah. We’ve…uh…met before.” You said, fighting against the lump in your throat that was forming. Your mouth was so dry it felt like you might choke. You swallowed visibly as Nicholas smirked at you.
You glanced over his appearance. Although the jacket he was wearing was pretty loose around him and pretty much hid his upper body completely, you could still tell he was way more muscular than he had been when you saw him last.
“Great!” She smiled with a clap of her hands. “Let’s head inside and talk through the scene then.” You and Nicholas nodded as you followed her inside the filming location. “Alright so the way the scene currently lays this out is (Y/n) you’ll come from the doorway to sit in this chair, Nicholas you’ll come from the bathroom there and then walk over to the door, close it, and then stand in front of the chair. You’ll say your lines and then (y/n) you’ll stand and you’ll walk backwards until you get to here.” She stopped at the dresser that was sitting below the cross that was on the wall. “Nicholas you’ll lift (y/n) and put her down sitting on the dresser and then the scene will play out…any questions about that?” She asks as you both shake your heads no. “Alright. Anything either of you don’t feel comfortable doing?”
“I’m ok.” Nicholas said, though you could feel his eyes burning into the side of your face.
“I’m good.” You agreed, looking at Sarah instead.
“Great!” She smiled. “And the intimacy garments are ok? Do either of you want a different one?”
“This one is ok, thanks Sarah.” You told her as Nicholas agreed.
“It’s good, thanks Sarah.”
“Alright, great. Thank you guys. I’ll be behind the camera the whole time so if we need to do a few takes I’ll be here to help with anything. If you want to try something else at any time we can do that too.” She explained as you both nodded.
How did you always manage to get yourself into situations like these?
She excused herself, telling the pair of you that she was off to get the production team and Ryan to let them know you both were good to go. Nicholas turned to you, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest, and an almost wolfish grin on his face.
You had to admit that he did look really good. The way he was leaning allowed you to see his abs between the gap in the jacket since he hadn’t zipped it up. “You’re staring.”
“You’re the one smirking at me.” You redirected as he stood up off the wall and took a step closer to you.
“Like what you see?” His voice seemed deeper, huskier, as his dark eyes scanned over you before settling back on yours. He sent you a wink as Ryan and the production team followed by Sarah came back and Nicholas walked past you to his mark, handing his jacket to an assistant as you went into the hallway to wait for the scene to start.
“Action!” You heard the sound of the water shut off and you peaked your head into Father Charlie’s room before coming to stand in the doorway.
He glanced back before walking to stand a few paces in front of you next to the bed, the towel low on his hips and water droplets cascading down his chest. His hair was pushed back from his face and wet as if he really had just gotten out of the shower. “You were watching me. Earlier in the rec room.” He paused, watching your expression but you remained neutral. “Anything worth seeing?”
“It…It was…” you paused for a moment, letting out a breath. “An exhalation of God’s glory through physical prowess.”
“Yeah?” Nicholas sat on the bed, his face turned slightly down but his eyes raised to look over at you. A slow smile appeared on his face. That was not scripted, you knew that for sure. “It’s kinda become my side hustle.” He said after a second. Back to the script. He said his other lines as you continued to sit in the chair, back stiff against the back of the chair as your hands laid in your lap.
“They say…it’s a sin of the flesh, but, I say-“ he began to say as you cut him off with your lines.
“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, which is in you? Therefore honor God with your bodies.” You responded softly as he nodded, breathing out a simple ‘Yes’.
He stood up from the bed and stopped to stand in front of you, your gaze following him. He smirked at you, something the camera didn’t catch, before dropping the expression and walking to the door and closing it. To say your heart was beating fast would’ve been an understatement.
“This is exactly what they’re talking about right now at the Vatican.” You zoned out for a moment after he started delivering his lines, walking to stand in front of you again. You zoned back in when you heard the end of his line “celibacy, for those in the cloth.”
He reached over to you as you sharply inhaled when his fingers played with the cross necklace you wore. That wasn’t scripted either. You could see that he enjoyed catching you off guard and no one was yelling cut because the extra touches made sense for your characters.
“That’s…That’s difficult to imagine.” Your voice caught and he smirked as you looked up at him and swallowed thickly. It was an honest mistake on your part, but Nicholas was eating it up. At moments it was hard to tell whether he was currently in the mindset of Father Charlie Mayhew or Nicholas Chavez.
He licked his lips, still holding onto the necklace, his voice lowering. “Is it really so difficult?” He said more but you zoned out again when his hand released your necklace and unbuttoned your vest. He was delivering his lines while standing to the side of you, bent down in your face, so your faces were only inches apart.
You dropped the newspaper in your hand as he continued unbuttoning your vest, slowly. You hadn’t meant to, but no one yelled cut again, so you assumed it was fine. “The church is dying, Mother Eva.” He said as you breathed out again, not breaking eye contact. You could see in his eyes that he was amused, he definitely was enjoying this scene.
He delivered more lines and bent in closer to you and you couldn’t help your instinctive reaction. Your lips parted as if you were preparing for him to kiss you, like he used to do. All of this was like a flashback to how it used to be, and yeah, he had been unhinged but there was no denying that he was incredibly passionate.
“They know that change must come.” He said softly, your nose touching his before he stepped back completely from you, this time standing directly in front of you. He looked down at you as you took the opportunity to look over his body before looking down at the towel like you were supposed to do. You followed the scene instructions and pulled the towel from around his waist, letting it fall to the floor with a soft thud. You looked back up slowly at his face, your lips slightly parted as you watched him.
“It is still a sin.” You said as he picked your hand up and kissed your hand and wrist. He walked you over to the dresser like the scene outlined.
“We are…and we always will be.” He backed you up into the dresser, your shoes hitting it causing it to bump against the wall.
“Sinners.” You finished, practically whispering as your eyes looked over his face as he picked you up onto the dresser, his hands running down your sides as he stood in between your legs and your lips practically touched.
“So fuck it.” You could feel the movement of his lips against yours as he spoke, pulling the vest from your arms as you pushed your chest into him to get the vest off. He began unbuttoning your shirt and pulled the edge off one shoulder as he began to kiss there, your hands going to his hair.
Someone behind the camera coughed and the loud “Cut!” pulled you both completely out of the scene. You let out a gasp as Nicholas pressed a lingering kiss to your neck before stepping back.
You blinked a few times, your hands holding onto the edge of the dresser, as you let out a breath. You didn’t miss the way Nicholas wore a smug expression, but your smile widened when you pointed down subtly.
Nicholas raised his shoulders in a shrug as he secured the towel back around his waist. “Let’s take 15 and run it again. Thanks Jerry for ruining that take!” Ryan called passive aggressively. Jerry, the man who coughed, looked as if he wanted the earth to swallow him up.
You slid off the dresser and walked to your trailer, not noticing the way Nicholas excused himself just after you, easily falling into step behind you.
You fell onto the couch with a huff, annoyed at yourself for being reminded of the past. You were over him, there was no way you were going to entertain him again. All he did was bring chaos into your life.
“He broke into your apartment, remember?” You whispered to yourself, eyes widening when your trailer door opened and in walked Nicholas, closing and locking the door behind him.
“I know you still feel the same way I do.” He started as you shook your head. He stepped closer to you, standing in front of you much like the scene you had just had.
“You’re wrong.” He shook his head, smiling at your stubbornness.
“I saw the way you were looking at me. You got into it. It wasn’t just acting.”
“Says the guy who just tried to give me an unscripted hickey.” You retorted defensively, standing up suddenly and poking him. He caught your hand, intertwining your fingers with his as he pulled you closer, leaning down so he was only a couple inches away from your lips.
“Tell me you don’t want this.” He whispered as you remained quiet. “Tell me you don’t want me to ki-“ He was cut off by your lips crashing into his. You weren’t even thinking at that point. He was intoxicating, everything about him was intoxicating and you knew that you should just stay away, but it was him. It was hard to make rational decisions when he was so close and his very presence cleared all of the rationality from your brain.
He pulled back after the heated kiss, a smirk on his face as he looked at you. “So I was right.” He remarked, there goes the cockiness.
“Oh my God, just shut up.” You rolled your eyes before he obliged and pulled you close, his hands traveling up and down your body as yours ran through his hair and held onto his shoulders and biceps. He broke the kiss again to plant kisses from your lips to your neck, his teeth scraping against the sensitive skin on your neck, surely leaving a mark that you weren’t sure how you would explain.
“We shouldn’t be doing this.” You said, but you didn’t pull away from him. “The camera is going to see all of the marks you're leaving and we won’t be able to explain it away.”
“We’re filming a sex scene. It’ll be fine.” He decided as your nails ran down his arms, careful of the makeup and special effects on his back.
He groaned against your lips when a loud knock at the trailer door interrupted your activities. “They’re ready for you on set. Hair and makeup is just going to do some touch ups before we shoot again.” An assistant called as you placed a hand on his chest and stepped back.
“See you on set.” You said before stepping out of the trailer and walking over towards where Keisha and Darryl were waiting to do touch ups.
“(Y/n), why is your makeup so messed up around your mouth? Y'all didn’t even shoot a kiss yet.”
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Let me know what else you’d like to see or share any ideas you might have!
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writing-with-moss ¡ 1 month ago
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Saw your post, and thought: why not?
Ok ok, imagine reader is a sleeper, and they like to sleep in most mornings. But one day they decided to wake up in the devil hours of the day and bake apple pie, waking up the 141 and they're generally concerned about reader's sleep schedule and health lmao.
If you understand what I mean.
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thank you anon! I really appreciate the ask. My inbox had been really funky these last few days so I'm sorry it took so long!
Poly!TF141 x F!reader
TW/CW- mentions of anxiety and pregnancy, reader wears glasses and is called American, but nothing more than pure fluff!
It was dark when your eyes fluttered open. The warmth of the bed almost pulls you back to sleep. But you manage to get your eyes to stop drooping, your body lazily rolling over and glancing up at the clock.
3:20 a.m
You groan, might as well get up and start the day. So you sit up and swing yourself off the warm covers, leaving your comfy safehaven to maneuver through the dark room. Your hip brushes against a bookshelf and your hands enclose around your pair of glasses.
Finally able to see, you stumble into the kitchen, stretching out with a hum of pleasure, shivers running your spine. The gentle lamp light of the kitchen and the rumble in your stomach kept your socked feet moving along.
You settle on a book, wide open to a certain page. Apple Pie. Warm saliva filled your mouth at the thought of what you had been craving for weeks now. It had been so intense your boyfriends thought you might've been pregnant.
You open up the cupboards and drag out a few bowls, cutting up a few apples.
You must've been too loud because you were halfway into pouring the filling when a large form fills the doorway.
"Wha' da 'ell ya doin' Bonnie?" A sleepy Scottish man grumbles, stumbling towards you in just his boxers. "Cant feckin' sleep with so much bloody ruckus-"
He pauses at your baking, raising a brow. You turn and give a weak smile. "Sorry....Didn't mean to."
"Wha' da 'ell are you makin'?" A rougher voice came from the doorway, a man in matching black sweats stood behind Soap, tilting his head to watch you work.
"Apple Pie." You curtly answered, smiling as you hummed along, popping the dish into the oven.
"Yer so feckin' American." Soap wraps his arms warmly around your waist as he pecks a few kisses to your jaw. His stubble brushing against your cheek, causing a giggle to bubble in your chest. Ghosts warm hand landing on the back of your head to scratch at your scalp before gently tugging at Soaps Mohawk.
Johnny sticks his tongue out at him, before smiling. Ghost responding roughly. "Yer hair makes ya look like a fecking rooster."
Before he could reply, another man walked in.
"American apple pie huh?" Price came in with an almost concerned expression, pouring a mug of steaming coffee. "Yer up early baby. Somethin' goin' on?"
You shake your head. "Don't think so. Just had some cravings and got up early." Soap buries his head a bit deeper into your shoulder as he chuckles.
"You sure you ain't pregnant?" You elbow his side and he laughs, pulling back with a grin. Hopping onto the counter.
"I am not!" Ghost side eyes you and you huff, laughing. "Trust me, I would know. I already took a test. I. Am. Not. Pregnant."
"What about pregnancy- Oh is that apple pie?" Gaz suddenly pops into the kitchen, scratching his chin. "You okay babe? You're up really early."
"Yeah, I just woke up weirdly early. I dunno."
Price tilts his head, wrapping his arm around Gaz' shoulder as they cuddle up. "You anxious?"
"Maybe? I think I'll be okay." You respond, sighing as you cross your arms over your chest. Ghost gently pulls you a bit closer, enveloping you in warmth.
"We're always here for ya. Our sweet girl." He pecks a firm kiss to your forehead and they all nod.
Soap grins slightly. "But are you sure you aren't?-" You throw your towel at him before he can finish.
(Hopefully this is good enough! Thanks for the ask Anon! Requests are open!)
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fairytalegobang ¡ 9 months ago
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OFFICIAL Opening DAY
I wanted to clear up some questions and timeline for those not sure if they want to join yet! First, this is a Bang, so Authors will be going first! -That being said we are allowing Artists to submit if they like some inspiration pics to authors who finish early! Second, this theme is fairly open to interpretation; you are not expected or required to do Grimm's Fairy Tales. They may be the most popularly known ones, but that does not make them the only ones. Modern setting is not banned, it just has to feature elements of a Fairy Tale. For the purposes of this Bang, A fairy tale is a story that belongs to the folklore genre. Such stories typically feature magic, enchantments, and mythical or fanciful beings. Myths, Folklores, and Legends are allowed to be adapted, but anything relating to a current religion people follow or important folkloric figures SHOULD be treated with respect when adapting! So stories relating to the Greek, Roman, and Norse pantheons, for instance, are allowed, as well as folklore figures like Robin Hood or Mulan as examples. Original but on-theme stories are also allowed, as long as they feel and have relevant Fairy Tale aspects.
Third, the timeline! January 13th - Voting/Interest Check Opens February 13th - Sign-Ups Officially Open March 13th - Sign-ups Close for Authors May 30th - Summary Submissions Open (50% work due) June 13th - Summary Submissions Close and Sign-Ups Close for Artists June 15th - Claims Start July 31st - Group Check-in August 13th - Final Check-in (Call for pinch hitters) September 13th - Posting Starts
Posting Will be done to AO3 under a collection set up for the Bang and site of the Artists's choosing to host their work. The artists are expected to be in contact with their Authors to provide a link to their work to link in the fic itself. NEITHER work should be posted publically until September 13th!
Server Rules: •Be Courteous and Respectful to Everyone in the server. •Keep NSFW in the labeled areas. •Keep discussions to their relevant areas. •Do not share anything posted here without permission (This can be disregarded if they themselves utilize a link to another page). •You must be at least 16 years of age to be in this server. BANG Rules: •Do not share art or fic outside of the server-assigned areas besides with your beta privately. •Posting will begin on the 13th of September and be expected to be done (at least a first chapter uploaded the week of) with the rest of the fic to be completed and uploaded on a schedule your artist is comfortable with if their art is to feature at a particular point. •All of your fic should be uploaded no later than October 13th if you want to roll out chapters over a period of time. •Claims will be limited to one fic to artist ratio until a full 24 hours have passed to give everyone available a chance to choose before a second claim can commence. •If you are both an artist and an author, you will be able to participate in the second run of claims (6 hours after), Depending on which time zone is most convenient for the majority of users. •No users under the age of 18 can choose from any fic/art rated Mature+ •Fics are to be at least 3k in length.
Link to join is clickable in the Image
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lavenderarts ¡ 4 months ago
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Revamp: Monthly Subs and Reward Art!
Hi everyone! After a long hiatus on this due to inconsistent health, I'm back and feeling better than ever, and I'd like to re-institute my monthly subscription service for art rewards. These will be active on my Ko-fi starting on August 1st! Read on to hear about the changes from my old system and details of what you'll get for subscribing, but if you don't care about any of that and just want to see the rewards page, here it is:
Please share this and consider tossing a couple bucks a month my way to help me support myself and my dog! Details below the cut!
So last time I was offering art rewards, it gradually became unsustainable for a number of reasons, chief among them the fact that I was basically offering severely discounted full commissions of all styles, and it was exhausting to fulfill in addition to regular commission work. I just couldn't keep up and got overwhelmed. So to help prevent that this time around, here are the changes I'm implementing:
I'll have a single reward type: single character busts! These are easy to crank out in an hour or less, so I can keep up with demand better. I'll reserve the right to decide between lined/lineless flats and papercrafts as I see fit to keep them interesting and fun for me, but if it's your birthday month or your yearly sub anniversary, you can choose the style and get a little something extra! For examples of what a bust looks like, please check out my recent ArtFight submissions :)
I'm going to do my level best to institute a hard 3-week turnaround rate for all regular commissions, and save the final week of each month for giving these rewards full priority along with onboarding new batches of clients for the following month's commissions.
I'm moving my subscription service over to Ko-fi, where anyone can give between $2-9 a month as a very generous tip and get access to my Discord server, or give $10+ for monthly bust rewards, early access to adoptables, and more! You can choose to give more than $10, but no other rewards exist for higher tier subs, it's up to whatever you feel is appropriate! Ko-fi has both Stripe and PayPal integration, which should be easier on the subscriber end, and it allows me to use PostyBirb to post across multiple sites at once, which makes it much easier to post early-access WIPs and finished work than it was on my old subscription service. It also automatically handles Discord onboarding and role assignment, yay!
I'm on the hunt for a simple Discord bot that can post a single repeating message on the first of every month with a link to a Google form for everyone to submit their requests, so that I don't have to ask for them manually. (If anyone knows of such a bot or is capable of making one, please get in touch!)
Previously I offered a whole suite of other rewards in addition to the monthly art -- things like subscriber-only request streams, early claims on adoptables, and even physical merch, which were not sustainable for me. Going forward, early adoptable claims for a discount will still be available as a reward, and I may occasionally do request streams, but on a less formally-scheduled basis and only as I have the free time to do so. I am not able to offer physical prints/stickers at this time; I might revisit the option in the future, but I need to know more before I try it again! I'll also be continuing to offer a subscriber discount on all commissions that will stack with other sales and discounts, along with the ability to skip the waitlist and jump directly into the work queue.
So to recap, if you subscribe to me, here's everything you get:
For $2-$9 USD: Discord server access with a special role, and my thanks for your generous support!
For $10+ USD: Discord server access with a special role, 24 hour early adoptable access with the ability to claim for a discounted price, a bust of a single character each month, first looks at finished artwork and WIPs/timelapses, commission discounts, and potentially more down the line.
My Discord is open to anyone, and all members can freely chat, post art, attend/host art streams, and answer polls regarding prompts for adoptable designs and more. You just get some nice bonuses for subscribing! While these subscription tiers are available, one-time tips and donations of any amount are still an option for commission clients or anyone else who just wants to show some love.
I hope this all makes sense and sounds enticing; I really love seeing people's OCs and getting to bring them to life and put my own little touch on them, and I'm very excited to start giving something back to all of you out there whose support means so very much to me, and without whom I could never do what I do. Thank you so much for checking out the Ko-fi! As a reminder, reward eligibility begins on August 1st! The tiers are active on Ko-fi now, but if you subscribe before August you won't be rewarded for the month of July, so keep that in mind.
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herotome ¡ 1 year ago
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Devlog #120
Hi-ho, Wudge here. Early devlog...!
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This week I drew a blush just for Warden and nobody else. There are two very specific ways to see it, and only in this office location. So... good luck!
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I playtested the game enough to get allllllll 26 achievements. I actually... had to reference my own walkthrough to get one of them. ;;; But I was able to do it!!
I also had a small.. incident where Griffin promised he'd talk to everyone to help fix their negative opinions of me (aka, reset the approval points to a more neutral zone after I thoroughly antagonized everybody).... and then he didn't. It's fixed now ;;;;;; But woo that would have been an awful lil mistake hahaha.
I finished the 'updating ur mc pfp' tutorial - seems to be intuitive and working seamlessly enough!
I converted converted alllll the pngs into webps, and converted alllllllllll the mp3s and wavs into oggs...
...and deleted all unnecessary files and notes from the development process. This is usually the stage where I'll end up breaking something from accidentally nuking an important file... but so far so good.
I put in a cute, special lil sfx for the reward you get after the credits.
Finish designing and coding my SECRET NG+ screen, and wrote a personalized dev note to put in it.
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And - we've finally updated Mr Whidden! Wahoo!!!! Remnantation did an amazing job as always!
I thought about putting in some animated smoke coming out of his cannon arm but I had to tell myself No... No Wudge....stop.. ......I did add a lil ember and smoke at the very edge of the gun but THATS IT I restrained myself there and did not animate!!!
So, what else is left?
Thanks I'm glad you asked.
Test my email subscription service to see how much I can customize those emails.
Film and upload the Griffin CG video.
Finish and import a few final pieces of in-game art (1 bird sprite, 1 background, some food art).
Review some sound effects in a final, final dev playtest.
Schedule out some social media release posts; wherein I might do like, a week of counting down until the game's release.
Finish updating my itch page (adding the final few lil graphics, putting up the new Content Warning, linking to the new video, then finally, uploading the game files and walkthrough).
Decide how I'm gonna update my pinned post. I should save a link to the old one bc most of its information should be quite relevant, but I'll want a temporary, shorter pinned post for new players who aren't familiar with this blog and are looking to troubleshoot or say hi or something.. Should still have fun attention-grabbing gifs and stuff from the itch page though. <_<
.... So yeah, mostly like - social media promo stuff. That should be it. Fingies crossed. Whew.
By the way?
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Super Demo comes out December 2nd. Mark your calendars <3
Stay safe and keep warm,
Wudge.
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study-with-aura ¡ 2 months ago
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Tuesday, September 17, 2024
I missed posting yesterday, but I had a lot to get done. I volunteered at the library for two hours yesterday, so that took up my usual extra afternoon time. I'll be starting to volunteer for two hours every Monday since they started this particular volunteer program back up now. I enjoy doing it.The planning meeting on Sunday for Girl Scouts went wonderfully! We officially figured out the badges we would like to earn for the year:
Outdoor Art Expert
Democracy for Seniors (it's election year here)
Behind the Ballot
Adventure Camper
Outdoor Journey Project completion
Business Startup
My Cookie Network
Mission: Sisterhood Journey
Traveler
Voice for Animals
Social lnnovator
Business Etiquette
Savvy Saver
Digital Leadership
Game Visionary
Think Like an Engineer Journey
Sky
Outdoor Trail Adventure
Badges I will work on solo or with my friends in seniors on our own time:
Coding for Good (1-3)
Cybersecurity (1-3)
We have already determined that at some point, we will probably need to meet more than once a week, which if our schedules allow, my mom agreed to (she's one of the troop leaders). In all fairness, it gives us a chance to hang out and earn badges at the same time, so it's a win-win if we can make it happen. We'll still be missing a few badges before moving to Ambassador, but that's okay.
Then Saturday, the trip was incredible! It was a bit hot, but overall, we had an amazing time exploring the park! I even went fishing. I don't even fish with my dad and brother! Dad thought that was funny. It isn't my thing for sure, but I understand how it could be relaxing. Don't worry, all the fish we caught, we threw back into the lake. We also got to hike some beautiful yet quite steep at times trails. I was so tired when I got home that I didn't go in game at all. I finished up what I needed to with reading and language practice, showered, had dinner, and went to sleep (not all in that order).
Now that I have caught you all up with my weekend, I hope everyone has a wonderful week. It's almost autumn! My mom got me two new squishmallows! One is in a Halloween costume. She looks like a devil, but she's really dressed up like a vampire. You can see her little fangs. And the other is a squirrel! Aren't they adorable?
Tasks Completed:
Algebra 2 - Learned about special products of polynomials + practice
American Literature - Copied vocabulary terms + read about Herman Melville + read about Moby Dick + read about Moby Dick as a great American novel + read an analysis of the major characters + read about the themes, motifs, and symbols
Spanish 3 - Vocabulary test (20/20)
Bible 2 - Read 1 Kings 12
Early American History - Finished reading "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God" sermon by Johnathan Edwards + read about the Enlightenment + read "The Enlightenment in America" + answered discussion question + answered study guide question
Earth Science with Lab - Read about the rock cycle + completed rock cycle activity (15/15)
Music Appreciation - Listened to Beethoven's 5th Symphony + wrote a description of music using music terminology
Khan Academy - Completed US History Unit 2: Lesson 3.8
Duolingo - Studied for approximately 30 minutes (Spanish + French + Chinese) + completed daily quests
Piano - 60-minute piano lesson + practiced for two hours
Reading - Read pages 133-174 of Dark Room Etiquette by Robin Roe
Chores - Laundry + took trash and recycling out
Activities of the Day:
September Study (John 15: 1-2, Matthew 3:10, Galatians 5:22-23, Romans 5:5)
Personal Bible Study (1 Corinthians 2)
Ballet
Pointe
Journal/Mindfulness
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open-hearth-rpg ¡ 5 months ago
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The TTRPG Year So Far
I’ve been away from the blog for a couple of weeks, mostly because I’ve actually had a burst of productive energy. This week I released Danger! Unexploded Spell, a series playset for Girl By Moonlight: “Unacceptable mages drafted by the authorities protect their city from damage wrought by arcane air raids and bombings while trying to survive and create a community.”
Before that I finally cracked down and finished writing up Numberless Secrets, my Hearts of Wulin sourcebook for running mysteries. That came in at about 110 pages, and includes six sample mysteries. I’m really happy with the end results. Of course leading up to that I posted the draft of the new Celestial playbook for HoW on the blog and a tweaked version of the Villain playbook. 
Then in early April ago I put out Veil: Iterations, my version 1.5 rules for The Veil. I’ve had some feedback, but it is a pretty niche release (like all of my stuff). I have to make a couple of tweaks to that. 
Assuming I get this next GBM playtest written up, I have several other things in the queue: a couple new cases for Apocalypse Keys, my fantasy/samurai hack of Free from the Yoke, Hearts of Yokai (PbtA inspired by Changeling the Lost), and maybe more campaign frames for Hearts of Wulin. I’m sure there’s a couple of other things I’m forgetting. 
ACTUAL GAMING
All of that has been in parallel to all of the games which I’ve been running online and locally. Here’s what I’ve done so far this year, 87 sessions total with nine as a player. I have links to actual plays where they’re available. You can also listen to these in podcast format on our Open Hearth site:
Before the Sith: My hack of Before the Storm for the Star Wars minicon. I’d run another hack of this for superheroes before and realized that a four hour block just didn’t work. So I ran this as two three-hour blocks with an hour break in the middle. That helped and gave us room to let the scenes breathe. Even with that, we still ended up cutting out one of the rounds to make sure we had enough time for the ending. 
My Star Wars framing worked, but I think particularly because we had three Jedi and one non-Jedi character. That created a really solid set of tensions and questions. In the end two of the four characters had tragic/heroic deaths in the final battle. The core game’s mechanic for the cards works really well and would be worth adapting for other games. (one session)
Bounty of the Week: We just started this as a stand-in for the Veil: Iterations game I’ve been running on alt-Sundays. I managed to over pack my schedule so I asked if someone else could step in to run something. We did our session zero and I’m looking forward to playing. I’ve played vanilla MotW a couple of times in both editions and dug it. However I found it tough going when I ran it, I think because I have a different approach to structuring mysteries. (not recorded, one session)
Dreams and Machines: Oof. I ran a couple of sessions of D&M from the starter set last year, and even wrote up my impressions. I picked up the physical boxed set afterwards. So when someone asked for a series to see how 2d20 worked, I volunteered to run the full game complete with character creation. It crashed and burned.
I don’t want to go too far into this here- it deserves a full write up. But I only remember canceling one other series in mid-run because the game itself just didn’t work for us (that would be Dangerous Times: Muckrakers and Magic in Old New York). I like 2d20– I have two other series using it on this list. But Dreams and Machines has some serious problems. After the second play session, the group talked about our frustrations. I switched over to a Hearts of Wulin series, to help cleanse my palate. (two sessions)
Dune (not recorded): This remains probably my favorite implementation of 2d20. It has its issues (move as an action, spatial duel set up, slow advancement) but I dig the presentation, resources, and the mechanics generally. We’ve gotten fairly deep in our story. The world our PC house has taken possession of has developed nicely– with interesting ideas about society and ecology. Plus we’ve had some fun interactions with rival houses. We will be hitting a stopping point for this soon. That’s because the group’s schedule can be uncertain and we want to do some short-run things we can likely finish. (six sessions)
Fearful Symmetries: The Second Aethyr: We did a full three-month campaign arc of this Trail of Cthulhu series at the beginning of 2023. I loved Fearful Symmetries' combination of magicians, folk horror, and a specific historical place. Towards the end of that series it became clear we could easily do another arc. 
We took up that story a year later real and in-game time, checking in with our characters and how they’d recovered from the conflict at the end of the last series. Despite the break, everyone fell right back in. We ended up with three “mysteries” (including a country house murder) plus some transitional sessions, and an action-packed coda. I loved it the whole way through. It has renewed my faith in simple, streamlined Gumshoe. 
We decided we would do a third and final arc, even talking in the final session about the framing for the start of the next campaign. We might do this later this year or at the beginning of next. I’ve done some pipelaying already for the campaign, and have been thinking about how to integrate the Bookhounds of London material with it. (twelve sessions)
Girl by Moonlight: On a Sea of Stars: Another one we started last year, though right at the end. It became one of my favorite series; I dig GBM’s approach and mechanics. The group enjoyed it, though I think one of the players significantly less so than the others. We decided to do a two-month series to finish out the campaign this year. I imagined it as a mid-season break for a prestige TV show. On Wednesday we hit our 14th session, playing out the final, world-breaking mission. Next session we will do role-play and epilogues to finish out these stories. 
I really like GbM. The mechanics drive an interactivity which feels right with the genre. Any action can be from the individual, but becomes stronger when you wrap in the other characters. It may be the rpg with the strongest support-class mechanics I’ve ever seen. (four sessions)
Godbound: Sundered Cycles:We finally ran the third and final quarterly arc of this series. I really enjoy Godbound. I love how the wild powers combined with an OSR adjacent system make people think carefully about how to solve problems. It has some wonky bits– and the problem of the flat OSR combat, but overall it works. 
I really enjoyed returning to this because we’d built up the characters and world so fully in the previous two quarterlies. Going back made me a little nervous but– as I mentioned in an earlier post– I’ve found it's much easier to go back to previous games when playing online. We also added a fifth, new player which added a great dimension to the play. They had a unique perspective on divinity and the characters’ role in that. 
Had a great set of epilogues and we tied the finale into events from the Mountain Home game. I like the world we’ve built and will probably go back there again. I used some of the Thousand Thousand Island bits early on, but there’s still a ton of that I could integrate.  (ten sessions)
Hearts of Wulin: Ageless Sin (not recorded): A solid four-part HoW series using the supernatural set up. I ran for three folks I hadn’t before which was great– and everyone really leaned into the genre. Big, hot tragic ending in the last session. (four sessions)
Hearts of Wulin: 3 Mountains, 1 Heart: A great series. This is what we transitioned into when Dreams and Machines collapsed. We used the fantastical materials, even doing an initial playtest of the Celestial playbook (which needs some proofing and tweaking). We had some great characters, including our Celestial. The Fox-spirit PC from Ageless Sin returned and I integrated several elements from that story into this one. We also had a really fun take on the Aware and a PC who used music in a unique way. I’ve had players run musician characters, but I don’t ever think I’ve seen someone lean into performance and musicality like they did. (five sessions)
The Hunted: I need to write up a review of this. It’s one of the best one-shot frameworks I’ve ever played. It uses Forged in the Dark to create an amazing, tense, and propulsive game of characters being hunted by something terrible. Great play structure, dynamite tools for collaboration, and just dripping with atmosphere. Highly recommended. (one session)
Imperium Maledictum: 3 Cycles from Retirement and Plausible Deniability: So I have been running this to justify buying the core book (and the GM screen as it turns out). This is a newish 40K game, clearly intended to be a kind of follow up to Rogue Trader– though it is both narrower and broader than that. It uses the same mechanics as the latest version of Warhammer Fantasy, creating some consistency between the games. 
I’ve enjoyed both series– despite the tradness of the system. There’s enough interesting flexible choices for success and combat to make it really interesting. But it's abstract in a lot of places (like zones for movement and influence as a resource). I originally planned to just run one series during the day, but I had enough interest that I put another on the calendar for the same day in the evening. I’d always planned to do different adventures for the two groups, but having one player in both confirmed that for me. I’ll admit I had some worries going in, but I’m having a great time running this and leaning into slightly-satirical grimdark combined with the 40K elements which attract me. (seven sessions)
Mecha Hack: The only rpg I played besides the newly starting Bounty of the Week campaign. I thoroughly enjoyed this OSR game which combined a dynamite GM with a great group. I had some of the most tense moments I think I ever have. The combat clicked, exploration merged tension with narrative, and the final fully role-play session tied everything together. Plus I learned about Owlbear Rodeo which I’ve been using in a couple of campaigns. (nine sessions)
Murder in the Jedi Temple: I ran this one shot for our Star Wars mini-con. I’d playtested the scenario with a group which helped me trim and fix a couple of things for play. While the playtest went OK (pretty clear one player hated it), the game went well at the table and we managed to get a full, rich story done in four hours. (two sessions)
Pressure: One of the two newish Osprey rpgs I did a two-shot of. I found it decidedly mid but I had a really good time with the two adventures I ran. In particular I dug my set up for the second session and how wild things got. You can check out my review of it here. (two sessions)
Pulp Cthulhu: I did a short series of this by way of justifying my purchase of the Humble Bundle for Call of Cthulhu 7e. I enjoyed the play which adapted and drastically changed an adventure from the book. Pulp Cthulhu is pretty much CoC 7e with a few talents and more ability to spend luck. It’s a minor adaptation. It reinforced for me that if I’m going to do trad-ish Cthulhu I’m pretty off running Trail. 
It’s probably the last time I run CoC, given that Chaosium decided that their best move was to hire an unapologetic shitheel who doxxed folks who were already subject to harassment. After this, despite my love for Glorantha, I’m done with their stuff. (three sessions)
Star Trek Adventures: We wrapped our multi-year 13th Age campaign in 2023– we’d started it well before the pandemic. I pitched out several concepts and this one tied for first. Since I’d already invested in the books I cast the tie-breaking vote. We have a big table (six players). I was worried about that originally but it has been fine. We’ve done four “episodes” so far, each split over two sessions. I’ve encouraged them to keep thinking of this as a TV show– with that kind of dramatic logic. 
One of the challenges has been that we have two people who really know Star Trek, two who know Star Trek, and two who don’t know Star Trek.
Of course shortly after I started (and picked up the last of the physical books) Modiphius announced Star Trek Adventures 2nd Edition. I don’t think I’ll switch over– in part because I spent a bunch of money buying sets of Effect Dice which the new edition doesn’t use. (face to face, ten sessions)
Tomb Raider: The Last Guardians: I ran a short playtest of this last year, but only a few sessions. This time I’m running in the Open Playtest with more room, trying out a new adventure and team playbook. I continue to dig the mechanics here– and the character interactions work throughout. I’m hoping that after the playtest period I’ll be able to post the videos. (three sessions)
Tomorrow City:The other Osprey RPG I ran. I did a two shot of this (you can see the review here). I liked the system and the setting’s solid. It’s not a bad start for something simple and dieselpunk. But it is one of those cases where you have to decide if the setting’s something you really want to lean into and learn. If not, then the evaluation’s really on the strength of the system. (two sessions)
Veil: Iterations: This is our every other Sunday game. I started this last year to playtest some of the new elements. However we had a bunch of bumps in 2024 and only got in a few sessions. Right now it is on hiatus until after our Bounty of the Week game, when my time frees up a little bit. (not recorded, three sessions)
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unsoundedcomic ¡ 2 months ago
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I know it's early, but do you think that book 2 will follow the same page posting schedule that book 1 does?
I see no reason to mess with what works. I'm not sure a story like this would function well at only two pages a week, and I couldn't do more than three; I already have to work seven days a week to get those finished :D
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musicalmoritz ¡ 3 months ago
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On average how long does it take you to write a fic? I see you post pretty often on ao3 so I was just wondering if you had any tips to write faster? you make it seem so effortless lol/pos
I must confess, I’ve been procrastinating on finishing a fic for a few weeks now…nonetheless I do have some tips!
So the brutal truth here is that when I really want to get something written I don’t sleep LMAO. Usually I’ll stay up until 4:00 AM writing, but I haven’t been able to do that lately because I’ve been trying to prioritize a healthy sleep schedule. It’s better to start writing early so you don’t stay up half the night, that can actually make things more difficult as after a certain hour your brain will just shut off (at least that’s what happens for me)
The length it takes me to write a fic depends on the type of fic, if it’s 3-4K I can usually knock it out in a day or two, unless I’ve been putting it off. If it’s 9-12k it takes me a couple of days, though I have written fics that length in one sitting before. Again, I do crazy work between the hours of 8:00 PM and 4:00 AM. If it’s anything near 20k it usually takes me a few months, especially if I have a lot going on irl at the time. My longest fic was 52k and I pretty much wrote that through the winter. Right now I’m working on one that’s meant to end at around 15k and I already have 12k of it written, but I ramble so it might come out a bit longer
Okay now onto actual productive tips. In my experience, the best way to write a lot is literally just to spill all your thoughts onto the page. Yap like your life depends on it. If I’m writing the character experiencing something I have a lot of opinions on, I’ll spend several paragraphs just talking about that. Some of my best and longest fics come from me straight up venting into a Google Doc. It’s like a diary except no one can tell how much is the character’s pov and how much is me working out my own problems. If you think you ranted too much, you can always go back and delete some later
It’s also good to try and always be writing. One of my Mitsukou fics was written almost entirely between breaks at work. I bring my computer with me if I’m going somewhere over night. I’ll write while I’m waiting for a class to start, and in between classes- especially if I have a long break. I write a paragraph or two on the toilet sometimes. And also be thinking about the characters a lot, I’m hyperfixated on tbhk rn so these little losers are always on my mind; so when I sit down to write, I’ve already written most of the fic in my head. Share your own headcanons and analysis, people love reading that stuff. Don’t be afraid to get creative and take a few liberties, most readers are subconsciously longing for new things in their fics
Also don’t stress yourself out too much about what you post! Fanfic is best when it’s written for your own enjoyment above anyone else’s. Sometimes I get too caught up in what other people will think of my fics and forget I have total control over everything I write. If you worry too much about making your work “perfect,” you’ll never want to write. Make yourself your main target audience, it makes the process way more fun
I hope some of this helped you!! Thank you for your ask, this gave me the motivation to work on my wip. I’m also currently writing fics for every day of Aoinene Week so it’s been busy. A good fic playlist also helps, it helps you better envision the world you’re writing. Recently I’ve been basing my fics off specific music artists which gets me really invested. Happy writing :)
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gracie7209 ¡ 1 year ago
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Amaryllis
Chapter Two: Wednesday
Pairing: Frankie x f!Reader
WC: 4.7K
Warnings: Mostly fluff and a little angst…
Summary: Something, no, make that someone, throws a wrench in your normal weekly routine.
A/N: This was originally posted as a Writer Wednesday entry well over a year ago and was the first chapter I completed for this story. The concept is the same, but some words/phrases have been changed. You can read the original Writer Wednesday post HERE.
Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist
Tom knows that you go see your mother in the City every Wednesday… You go and spend the day taking her around to do her shopping, Doctor appointments etc and you have to go see your OBGYN once a month anyway, so it all works out. You started getting pretty bad anxiety within the last couple of years or so… Your arrangement taking its toll, but Tom would never let you see a counselor or therapist because he fears what you would tell them. Even though revealing the inner workings of your life would put at risk the one person you were doing this all for in the first place… So you avoid the conversation entirely and go every week just to get some things off your chest, since you would have no one else to talk to otherwise.
Today, you go for your regularly scheduled appointment. 9:30 am every week without fail. As soon as you walk in you see a familiar face, currently nose deep in a magazine. You keep walking forward and take a seat. You open your book and try not to make it obvious that you’re hiding your face.
Tom isn’t aware of these appointments, which is why you felt safe having them at all since they took place over an hour out of town. You’ve been coming regularly and never once has there been an issue with seeing someone either you or Tom knew. Until today…. Today, Tom’s friend Frankie is sitting in the waiting area, left foot resting on his knee, thumbing through the pages of the standard medical magazine set out for patients' to help pass the time. So far, he has yet to notice you. You let out a breath and continue flipping through the pages of your book.
Apparently Frankie is early to his appointment, because even though he was here well before you, your name is called loud and clear. Of course, Frankie hears your last name and he looks up at you then. He just smiles and waves a friendly hello, and—
Nothing else happens. The world doesn’t suddenly combust at him seeing you. So you wave back a little awkwardly and make your way to the nurse waiting at the door to take you back for your appointment.
The hour is over way too soon and when you walk out, thankfully the waiting area is empty of Frankie. So you quickly make your way to your car and head to see your mother and carry on with your regular Wednesday routine.
You’re hoping that there would be no reason for Frankie to bring it up to Tom… Like ‘hey man, saw your wife today at the therapist’s office…..” etc etc… there should be no reason for him to, so you force yourself to let it go. Thankfully, Tom never says anything (you know he would if he knew) so you go about the rest of your week as normal.
Next week rolls around and you show up extra early for your appointment, hoping like hell that you would be called before Frankie even showed up. If he showed up at all.. There was no reason for you to believe that he had a regular schedule like yours. It was just a one off and you needed to stop worrying about it. And you did… That is until Frankie walks out of the doors as he was finished with his own appointment.. How had you never seen him here before when you’d been coming for so long?
Frankie spots you this time and walks over to you slowly to say hello…. “You’re Tom’s wife right?” You nod quietly. “I thought that was you last week, but I wasn't sure. I’d never seen you in here before, but my appointment last week got pushed back for some scheduling issue… So I…” he slows down his words… “I guess I normally wouldn’t have.”
He’s rambling. Frankie is cringing internally at the realization, but you hardly pay it any notice when your own thoughts are doing much the same. —So that explains it. And you just HAD to show up early to your own appointment this time trying to AVOID him..
You still haven’t said anything so the silence quickly becomes awkward… “Well it was good seeing you. Uh, tell Tom I said ‘hey.’” And with that, he leaves you to stare blankly at his back as he leaves the office. Again, you’re hoping that there would be no reason for this to get back to Tom. Thankfully, it doesn’t.
Next week you go to your appointment at the normal time… He said it himself that his regular appointment was earlier than yours, so you just needed to go like you normally would and everything would be fine… And you’re right. You go in and he’s not there. You get called back and go into your appointment, breathing a quick sigh of relief.
When your hour is up, you walk out and he’s still not there. Again, you let go of the breath you hadn’t realized you were holding, and make your way to your car with a smile on your face.
The air is cool and the sun is shining when you exit the building and you are ready to take on the rest of the day… Refreshed that your anxiety was unnecessary, only to curse the ground at your misfortune because apparently the universe hated you and enjoyed your misery…..
Walking up to your car, you see the back passenger’s side tire is now flatter than a pancake. “Shit,” you let the word escape your lips quietly, shaking your head as you think about your options:
Option number one: You change the tire. This would be great if you had any knowledge whatsoever on HOW to change a tire.
Option number two: You call your husband—Well if you called him, he would want to know why you were parked at the Doctor’s office, and also without your mother, you instantly decide against it, which leaves you with option number three….
You do nothing.
You look out across the parking lot and continue to ponder your poor options when you notice a little diner across the street. You decide to just take a breath and grab a coffee and maybe something to eat while you figure things out. You call your mom to let her know; she doesn't own a vehicle which is why you made the weekly trip up here. Fortunately, she was still stocked up on food and she didn’t see her own doctor until next week, so you not making it today shouldn’t hurt anything.
So, you make your way over to the diner. You honestly think the City is beautiful… all of the buildings, nothing like in your town. Everything was so big and open.. You missed it a lot….
When you step inside, the door has a little bell that dings signaling a new customer. You walk to the front and wait to be seated. You just want a few minutes of quiet so you ask for the secluded booth over in the corner. Perfect. You sit and order a coffee with cream and sugar and pick up a menu and attempt to let your mind relax.
The funny thing about anxiety is that letting your mind relax is the equivalent of asking a toddler to sit still…. They may WANT to, but their little bodies just have so much pent up energy that despite your effort they HAVE to move… Your anxious thoughts immediately take over—
‘How am I going to get this settled without letting Tom know?’
‘I wonder what would happen if I just stayed here… Forever?’ ‘No, no, can’t do that’
‘I really like this mug’ ‘Do I want a sandwich? Or maybe some soup?’
‘Hmm, the guy at the counter has a pretty nice back… snug jacket, broad shoulders and faded jeans. Dark brown curls peeking out from underneath his ball cap… Oh my God! That’s Frankie!!’
You curse to yourself, which apparently wasn’t really to yourself, when your very audible gasp is heard near the front, to which said object of your attention turns and immediately lays eyes on you. His face actually seems to light up… You wonder why that is? You also notice how flush you suddenly feel for shamelessly admiring his back side, not knowing at all who it was as if he could hear your thoughts.
He’s making his way over and lucky you, you’re cornered in your little secluded booth… ‘Breathe…. Breathe…’ you tell yourself until you hear “Hey there,” Frankie is upbeat and to anyone else looking, you seem to be catching up with a friend. “Hi Frankie,” you say softly.
“Funny seeing you here… if you weren’t married to Tom, I’d think I had a stalker,” he says in a joyful tone, but the wild deer caught in headlights look on your face has him apologizing almost immediately. “Sorry, just kidding… Promise! —But I will say, I’ve run into you the last three weeks in a row now…” He’s looking at you with a question on his tongue, but he won’t ask it. So you answer for him. “My mother lives here in the City, so I help take her around on Wednesdays.”
“Must’ve just missed each other before then.” He smiles before saying “well it was good seeing you.” He seems to hesitate before adding, “Hope you have a good day.” He goes to leave and you suddenly remember your current dilemma….
”Wait, Frankie?” He turns to you, a look of confusion on his face, “actually, I’ve run into some trouble with my car. The tire is flat. Is there um, any way you could help me figure out how to get it home?”
It takes him a moment to respond… like his gears are turning, but he finally answers you, “oh, uh yeah, sure. I’d be happy to.”
God you sound like an idiot, Frankie chastises himself.. Why are you making this awkward? Well, she’s beautiful, you dumbass, and you’re fucking awkward— His running commentary matches your own, unbeknownst to you.
“Ok, so where are you parked?” Frankie tries to curb his thoughts by just addressing the task at hand.
“Across the street…” You point in the general direction of the office building, “at Dr. Pomater’s office.”
“Oh, that’s right. I usually come over here for a late breakfast after my appointment.” Frankie is annoyed at himself— she doesn’t care, she just needs your help.
Also food… She just got here, there’s no way she’s already eaten..
“Did you um, want to eat first? I noticed you only have a coffee..”
“Oh, I uh, well yes. I guess I haven't gotten the chance to order yet.” —Frankie thinks your light accent is endearing. It’s not super thick or put on, but almost makes you sound elegant, which he would argue matches you pretty well.
“But you’ve already eaten, I’d hate to keep you any longer than necessary. I can just eat when I get back home.” Your stomach chooses that exact moment to growl, like the traitor it is…. Frankie notices.
“Nah, I don’t mind. I’m off on Wednesdays so I’m free. I actually could go for another cup of coffee, if you don’t mind the company.”
You smile slightly at that and say “Ok, well would you like to sit? I will try to order and finish quickly.”
“There’s really no rush, go ahead and take your time and we can talk about our options for getting you back up and running.”
You agree and so you both sit in your booth across from each other… You decide to go ahead with the soup and sandwich combo, sneaking a peek over the top of your menu before the waitress comes back over —Frankie is looking down at his own menu… He’s wearing a light gray t-shirt, the material thin, but not worn. He’s got his jacket on as he was about to leave before your squeak of surprise at seeing him alerted him of your presence. One thing you hadn’t noticed about him before were the thick rimmed black glasses he was wearing now. Had he been wearing those before? After a moment you notice he takes them off and puts them in his inner jacket pocket and sets down his menu. So just reading glasses then, you suppose… You think to yourself how they give him a very boyish quality that makes you smile inwardly. You definitely should NOT be noticing this, so you look back down at your menu.
The waitress makes her way to you and takes your order. Frankie orders his coffee with cream and sugar… Hmm… You think how Tom would never drink anything unless it resembled something akin to freshly laid tarmac, claiming it “separated the men from the boys” or some other ridiculous admonition.
You notice Frankie looking at you and shit, did he ask me something?
“Hmm?”
He smiles slightly at that and you notice a dimple in his right cheek… Again, noticing things you shouldn’t…. His chuckle breaks you out of your head yet again as he says “I was just wondering where Tom was today?”
“Oh, Tom is uh..” your frustration at the question prevents you from answering right away. This was the entire reasoning for your anxiety toward Frankie seeing you. You couldn’t afford for Tom to find out about these appointments and put a stop to them. The small amount of peace of mind it provides you with, gets you through the week and you’re just not ready to lose that yet.
“Um, well Tom he uh, usually works on Wednesdays… shows his houses.”
—His brow furrows slightly like he can sense your hesitation, but he doesn’t say anything.
“Gotcha, yeah I haven’t seen him since that fight night awhile back….” The night I met you he reminds himself. “That was a pretty fun night…. First time I got to see the guys in a while.”
—Your stomach clenches at the memory of Tom on that night, but you’ve gotten good at hiding your disgust by now, “yeah — Um so is there an auto repair place nearby or…? I honestly know nothing about cars,” you laugh nervously, hoping he doesn’t notice your obvious shift in conversation away from Tom.
Your waitress then makes her way back over with your food and Frankie’s coffee. He takes a long sip and you start in on your soup.
—“Do you have a spare? I’ve got my jack in the truck. I could probably just change it for you.”
You feel like an idiot, but answer honestly, “I really don’t know. I’m sorry.” You give a nervous laugh and Frankie chuckles. He’s not making fun of you, but he thinks it adds to your charm.
He chuckles again and shakes his head a little, shrugging off a thought…
—‘This is Tom’s wife man, get a hold of yourself..’
He continues to shake the thought from his mind and moves on — “What kind of car do you have?”
‘Real smooth’ —
“Oh, it’s a… I’m really not sure…”
“That’s ok. We’ll figure it out. It’s probably in the tire well like most.”
—Your blank stare makes him cough and regroup, “I mean that there are some that have them underneath, but most sedans have them in the trunk.” Still nothing — You would be embarrassed, but you were genuinely just confused. Tom ensured that you were only knowledgeable in things meant to be handled by women like cooking and cleaning house. “Let the men handle things sweetie,” Tom would say when it came to just about anything etc.
“It’s ok,” he laughs again, but it doesn’t have the condescension attached to it that you’d come to expect from Tom. You think to yourself that it’s a nice sound coming from Frankie.
“I think I know where to find it and how to get you going again.” He smiles at you again and you say a quiet “thank you” as you go to finish the remainder of your meal in a comfortable silence.
Frankie is looking out the window now…The view from the diner overlooks a little park and you think the colored leaves against the still green grass is beautiful… Fall has always been your favorite season and you thank the Lord that the majority of your pregnancy will be in the cooler months.
After a bit, your waitress walks over and asks “is there anything else I can get y’all today?”
“No thank you,” you and Frankie both say at the same time, pulling another light chuckle out of Frankie and a smile from the waitress. She finishes writing out your check then puts it face down on the table and scoots the paper toward Frankie.
You both reach for it at the same time again and while his gets to it first, you go in and lightly swat at his hand saying “no sir….” And you wiggle a finger at him. “You’re already fixing my car…. The least I could do is pay for your coffee.”
He tries to come up with some quip to keep the lightness going but falls short and just puts his hands up in a mock surrender. Broken pride and all — he’s not upset; far from it actually, but he can’t help the small pout that makes him look offended… the sly look in his eyes tells you he’s only playing though, and you lift your chin in triumph at your little win.
It takes him a moment to remember that this is a completely abnormal situation whereas he is with his friend’s — No not his actual friend - his mentor maybe? He doesn’t really know what Tom even is to him anymore. All he knows is that —this is Tom’s wife and you’re simply having coffee and he is going to help you get your car running—
Frankie’s thoughts are interrupted when you stand up and say “come on, follow me.” He trails behind you - the awkwardness coming back slightly.
You pay the bill and walk toward the exit. Frankie follows and you both head outside into the crisp Fall air. You start to walk toward your car that’s parked across the street when Frankie stops you —
“Uh, my truck is over here. We can just drive over if you’d like?”
“Ok,” is all you say. Why is this so awkward? You already find yourself missing the ease of the diner.
He is just a friend of Tom’s helping you get to your car… Nothing to worry about.
Frankie’s truck is kind of what you’d expect — it’s an older looking truck. You have no idea of the model, just that it’s aged. -Brown with tan lines down the sides — almost matching his jacket. The inside is clean, but the interior is worn.. it smells of gas and oil, with a little hint of vanilla from the little tree air freshener hanging from the rear view mirror. When you first opened the passenger door, there was a horrible creaky sound that you were well used to. Your Papá used to have a truck similar to this and the thought makes you smile.
“She’s a little old, but she takes good care of me,” Frankie says warmly. His adoration for the truck is evident in his tone. His hand worries at his scruffy chin and he asks “ready to go?” You quickly nod and close your door.
The drive to your car is short — Neither of you say anything other than an “over there” as you point to which car is yours.
So when Frankie asks you if you’ve called Tom yet you jump… unsure if it’s an accusation or just from the question as a whole.
“No, I didn’t want to bother him. He’s usually very busy.” Frankie almost scoffs at that.
“What?” You ask him. He almost seemed annoyed.
“I don’t know why it would bother him to hear from his wife when she has a problem. I’d hope he would want to make sure you’re ok. Make sure you get home safely.”
Frankie is having a hard time keeping his mouth shut…. Tom very rarely mentioned you unless prompted when the guys got together… and before he met you it didn’t really matter… but having spent just this short amount of time with you today, it makes his blood boil. He doesn’t have words to voice the why behind that quite yet.
You honestly don’t know what to say to that. Tom was never like that with you for obvious reasons, but Frankie wouldn’t know that.
“Well — Ok, so you see…” you sigh… there was no other way to do this. Unless you said otherwise, there was no way this wouldn’t get brought up to Tom. Not about the car, but the where. You wanted to be honest. You wanted to be able to talk with someone about your situation, but you couldn’t. Not about everything anyway. Not yet.
“Frankie, can I say something? Without judgement and without this getting back to Tom?” He nods. The confusion is clear on his face… “Would it be ok if this just stayed between us?” You motion between the two of you. “About the Doctor I mean..?” He’s still looking confused. Similar to how you must’ve looked when he was talking to you about cars.
“Tom doesn’t know that I see Dr. Pomater. He’s never believed in Therapy and thinks it’s a waste of time and money,” — ‘amongst other things’ you think to yourself.
“He wouldn’t be happy to know that I’ve been seeing one. But to me, just having someone to talk to that is unbiased and non-judgemental? It helps me feel better.” You know you sound childish, but it’s the truth and Frankie holds all the cards here.
After a moment you hear Frankie respond. “So he just thinks you’re taking care of your mother on Wednesdays?” He looks up at you at the question.
“I do take care of my mother.. She doesn’t speak English well and she doesn’t own a vehicle, so she needs assistance getting groceries and getting to and from Doctor’s appointments. It also allows me to spend more time with her since I moved out of the city.”
Frankie nods — He seems to be processing.
“So, Tom doesn’t like the thought of a therapist, or he won’t let you have one?”
“I, um… I..” you trail off.
You look down, breathe in then out through your nose. You look back up at him and —he must know how Tom is… “Tom, he… No.” And you leave it at that.
You look away and start unbuckling your seatbelt— Frankie says your name and you turn back to him to see this look…. It’s a mesh of worry and concern, but also something else you can’t put a name to. His lips are parted like he just paused mid-sentence — “Does Tom…? I mean — Tom has never really told any of us much about you. Is he, uh, is he ok? To you?”
You’re not liking where this is heading.. Frankie continues…
“When we were in the service, he was my Team Lead and I’ve always respected him for his position. We’ve all managed to keep in touch for the sake of all the shit we’ve been through together. But through all of it, we didn’t even know you existed until a couple of years ago…”
Shaking his head, he starts again.. “To say we were shocked to learn that he had a wife—was a fucking understatement.”
“Where are you going with this Frankie?”
Upon hearing his name, he stops and looks at you…. “How did you and Tom meet?”
“It was a long time ago. I believe we met at the grocery store. He was in line behind me and my mother.”
“When did you get married? He never told us anything until about two years ago… during our last deployment.”
“Um, six, almost seven years ago… Yes, it will be seven years in March.” Nope no this is not good……
“How old are you—?” He says your name at this to really stick the question….
“Twe— I’m twenty-five.”
“So you were 18 when you got married? How long did you know each other before that?” Frankie can’t seem to stop the words from leaving his mouth…
You think he is almost accusatory in his questioning and you’re unsure of where all of this emotion is coming from.
“Frankie, these are very personal questions… Why do you need to know this?”
“Sorry — I’m sorry.” He looks down and takes a breath. He immediately looks like he feels terrible for even asking and waits a few moments before starting again— He’s struggling with his words— wanting so much to understand what exactly is going on, but he knows he hasn’t earned that right yet. He feels terrible and hopes that he hasn’t offended you.
Frankie takes a stuttered breath, “it was inappropriate to ask you those questions and for that I’m sorry. I just don’t understand him sometimes. You think you know a lot about a person when you work side by side with them in life or death situations like we did, but turns out I don’t know much about him at all. I’m sorry…”
You dislike the look on his face… the despair of a situation you know absolutely nothing about is clear, so you try to lighten the mood…
“If it makes you feel any better, I don’t know much about him either…”
You get a small laugh at that so you take it as a win.
After another minute or two of semi-awkward silence, Frankie moves to get out of the truck.. “Well let’s see what we’re working with here.”
He grabs his jack out of the back of the truck and makes his way over to your car. You pop the button to the trunk and he easily finds your spare. He goes back to the bed of his truck and looks around for a moment and comes back with this X looking tool. You can tell he’s done this before, many times, and you flush at how ignorant you must’ve sounded to him… shaking your head, you just let it go… You don’t feel like Frankie is judging you for what you lack in tire changing etiquette, so you turn and watch him to see if you could maybe even learn a few things.
Frankie takes off his jacket after he gets the car partially up off the ground — taking the X tool and beginning to remove the bolts from the hubcap.
He’s so quick and efficient, he makes it look easy. As Frankie is crouched down, you notice a little bit of sweat at the small of his back that’s dampened his thin t-shirt slightly.. You also notice that the material hugs his torso and makes a show of the muscles in his back and shoulders as he keeps himself steady. The muscles in his arms flexing as he grunts slightly with the exertion to loosen the bolts… it has to be the hormones that are making you focus on entirely the wrong thing, but….
No, you need to look away, so you try to find something else to focus on while he finishes.
Looking up you begin to silently name each thing you see, desperately trying to keep your focus away from Frankie’s backside— blue sky, birds, leaves, trees, more trees, there’s a couple walking their dog, a mother pushing a stroller….. You go so far as to start listing the color of each new vehicle that passes by…
This is ridiculous— you think to yourself. You’re a grown woman and you can handle this.
You turn back around, just as Frankie is standing up. The tire is on and he’s wiping his hands off on his jeans. “I think we got it all done.”
“Thank you so much Frankie— Really, I truly appreciate it.”
“You're welcome,” he smiles back at you.
“How can I repay you?”
“You bought me coffee, remember? We’re even.”
“No seriously, coffee doesn’t count.”
“Ok fine, how about you pay me back with a second coffee next week? And maybe a donut?”
You tense slightly at the thought because you know how that looks…. But you shake the thought away because you should be allowed to have a friend. And coffee with a friend should be ok. Right??
“Alright, you’ve got yourself a deal. I’ll see you next week then.”
He quirks a small smile and nods, “see you next week—.”
Your name sounds so soft coming from his mouth that you instantly blush, turning quickly to walk around to the drivers side and get in. He’s already back to his truck before he offers a small wave. You smile and wave back, starting the car to head to your Mother’s and continue on with your day. The smile never leaving your face as you drive away.
******
A/N: I’ve been playing with the wording of this chapter just trying to get it to flow the right way, but I feel like I’m running in circles with it so here it is lol As always please let me know if you would like to be tagged or if you would like to be removed from the tag list. Thanks for reading!
Tag List:
@just-here-for-the-moment @boliv-jenta @heythere-mel @sunnysidekit @wildemaven @harriedandharassed @bitchwitch1981 @hnt-escape @autumnleaves1991-blog @queridopascal-main @queridopascal @quica-quica-quica @littlemisspascal
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essenceofarda ¡ 8 months ago
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I'm working on fleshing out the plot for my farawyn & eothiriel fancomic and it's,,, y'all,,, this is literally gonna take me like 20 years to finish 😱🤣🤔🫡
It's gonna be hella long 😳 The first chapter alone is gonna be over 25 pages long, and I already have 3-5 chapters planned for and that's not even close to the finish line lol let alone the halfway mark of the story (i mean, it's probably equal to a long-ish fic, but comics take so much more time to tell 🫠). Also I cannot wait for y'all to meet Lothiriel in just a few pages 🤩
Anyway, I'm thinking of MAYBE adding early access pages of this comic and a few others to a low cost tier on my patreon once it's relaunched/revamped bc I really want to be able to post at least one or two pages a month 🤔 tho i'm hoping to maybe post weekly on patreon, so it'd be early access AND faster update schedule, if I go this route. That way i don't feel guilty for spending hours a day/week working on these comics lolll
anyway, i'm having so much fun working on this story 🥰🤗
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goshdarnitjay ¡ 1 year ago
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Hello love your writing so much and came here on tumblr to check u out. I have just found out that u have a patreon??? I was hoping to join but couldn’t seem to find the link. Oh! And I was also wondering what kind of content you post on there and how much will the subscription cost? I was actually hoping for some lonely heart settle down content not gonna lie lol :P so will it be on your patreon? I reckon you will possibly post it on there first before you post it on ao3 and I would like to read it asap.
Hi! The link to my patreon is this: https://www.patreon.com/goshdarnitjay (not just putting it as a hyperlink this time for people on mobile 😚💜💚).
First off: I am so, so, so happy you love my writing and want to support it. That means a lot! I know we're all having a hard time with inflation right now, so I understand not everybody can.
Here is some info about my patreon for anyone who's interested. And yes, that includes an update about Lonely heart, settle down.:
What you get by singing up to my page at a minimum of 1.00 $/month:
1. Early access to all of my stories (at least one day in advance) 2. Previews of stories I'm working on 3. Polls about upcoming projects (both topics and update schedule)
So, what about Lonely heart, settle down?
My patreon is indeed the place to go for updates until it is completely finished. Not only will I be publishing updates twice a week once What You Owe is finished (the updates will come Wednesday and Sunday), I have also decided to publish the story there in nice, bite-sized chunks while I'm working on it.
Okay, Jay, but what does this mean?
Starting next week, every Wednesday and Sunday, patrons will receive about 400 words of Lonely heart, settle down. ahead of publication until it is finished! Think of it as ye olden days 🥸, when newspapers would publish one chapter per month. This way, you will receive regular updates about the story and get a lovely treat every few days to sweeten up your life!
Thanks for asking!! :) 💜💚 I hope that answers most of your questions! If you have more, don't hesitate to ask!
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bvannn ¡ 7 months ago
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Weekly Update March 29, 2024
I’m pretty volatile in terms of mood, but I did get a good amount of actual work done on projects. I’m exhausted, I haven’t fixed my sleep schedule yet because I’m addicted to working. Like I’ve genuinely tried to stop and go to be early or sleep in and I just always ‘just one more drawing, just one more verse, just one more thumbnail, it’s let me find this one perfect instrument, just let me finish these four bars, just let me-‘ and before you know it it’s two hours past bedtime and you haven’t even brushed your teeth yet. Or eaten dinner. On the bright side all the stuff I’ve done has gone pretty well!
First big exciting point, that little pitch comic I’ve been working on? Thumbnailing/writing is done. Done enough anyway. I might still go back to edit some pages but I can get going on others now, which is great because even though I’ll only post the full thing once I have the whole comic complete, I might post individual panels, so there will be stuff to see! I’m also going to try to keep writing at night, so I can let other episodes and stories play out a bit, but Art priority will be shifting more to the comic. It will be 30 pages so it will likely take a while, but I’m hoping I’ll be able to do 3 or so panels a week while I’m finishing up this semester and switch to a page a day once I have more time.
Music is also going very well. I’m putting the final mixing touches on a vocaloid cover song (unless I decide to go back and redo the guitar, which I might), which I’ll try to start putting visuals to soon, although that’ll likely be pretty slow since I finally got past the thing that was bottlenecking me on the comic project. I’ll also have to get licensing settled, although that currently looks to be affordable. The whole project has given me a taste for blood and now I want to do a bunch of other cover stuff, but good news: I also found a nearly finished cover of another song that I had put aside in favor of the Green Day one. That’ll probably take a while before I can call it ‘done’, though, whereas I could probably release the first cover song today if I really wanted. I have some time tonight where I’ll try to throw some music together, maybe I’ll work on that.
There’s a few smaller nearly-finished songs I dug up from the depths of my WIPs too, one I need to redo a melody line, one I was bottlenecked on finding a specific instrument for, which I did the other day in lab, and a few others that also either need structure or Melodies. Plus there’s those two that are waiting on lyrics still but I’m still chugging at that, just slowly. I might also try that one tonight too, if I finish or can’t do the vocal cover for whatever reason. There’s also a couple character themes that haven’t really been priorities but I did re-outline one that I’ve been working on, so once I have recording time I can go try that one. That one is on its third draft so I really hope this one will stick.
Other miscellaneous projects haven’t seen much progress this week. I’m still thinking things through for that epithet TTRPG campaign, but I’m having a bit of trouble outlining the third chapter. I just need more brain power for that though, so earlier bedtimes would do it. A couple other art things keep coming to mind but I’ve been focusing more on big projects, so that’ll probably continue if I can. This next week I want to focus on keeping my body as healthy as I can, and then comic, second cover song, and visuals for first cover song, in that order of priority. Passive projects I can work on while doing other activities will be epithet TTRPG planning, song lyrics, and outlining future comic stuff, in that order of priority. If I come up with any song Melodies or ideas for visuals for the song I’m finishing up those priorities might shift, but right now I want to stick to more of a plan, since it worked out well this week.
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magnus-sm-writes ¡ 8 months ago
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February Wrap-Up!
It’s the shortest month of the year, and it’s time for the monthly wrap-up (which I haven’t done in some time). One of my main goals this year is consistency. Expect more monthly wrap-ups!
February is my third favorite month (March > October > February, I have opinions on the months), and it’s been the month where I’ve decided to attempt to get my life in order. This has everything to do with attempting to not get stuck in my seasonal depression hole and attempting to make myself more comfortable following my biannual neurodivergent meltdown (realizing the world isn’t made for me and freaking out about it). The world is difficult to live in if your brain isn’t built correctly for it.
Anyways, I’m quite pleased with how this month has gone for me.
Let’s move on to the neatly-organized categories!
Writing journal
I made an Instagram post about this, but I ended up with two bullet journals, so I use one for work and one for… work. Writing, that is. The work that I don’t get paid for but still love. (Yes, I love my full-time job, too, but it’s more of a side piece to me.)
My writing journal has been essential for keeping me consistent and accountable. (Except for the eleven days I forgot my journal was in the living room. ADHD for the win.)
But when it comes to my goals, I would say I reached more this month than I did in January.
My layout for February was super simplistic and based on the bare-bones functionality of my work journal. It’s not pretty to look at. I changed that in my March layout, so please bear with me.
The goals I reached this month were:
Continue re-writing a novel
Keep word count & submission journal
Make monthly wrap-up
Write in a cafĂŠ
I read three books: Teaching my Mother to Give Birth by Warsan Shire (twice), Magic for Beginners by Kelly Link, and In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Macahdo. I loved all of them. In fact, I resonated so deeply with In the Dream House that I actually purchased it.
The next page is just a couple short stories I was working on: “Communion” & “The Boy & the Hag Stone”. I did not finish “Hag Stone”. In fact, I didn’t finish a single short story this month.
My “words written” page is prettier, but still incredibly functional. Then my “poetry written” page. Overall, a very simple layout.
My writing journal is crucial to keeping me on schedule. If you are riddled with neurodivergence like me, the advice is true: keeping track of what I do has actually helped me stay with my goals and get some major work done.
Word Count
I’m rather happy with my word count this month! I’ve recorded writing 27,748 words, though I did forget to record my word count for about 11 days, as I accidentally lost track of my writing journal (as mentioned above).
What have I been writing?
In early February, I wrote 12 poems. That’s fantastic, in terms of poetry-writing. I wrote a little bit of Greenest and some stuff for OC Kiss Week, but a great chunk of my word count comes from my Hamish rewrite. It seems like I only want to write Hamish in the more wintry months, as February seems to be the month I’m most inspired to write it.
If you don’t know about Hamish, I encourage you to visit my WIP post about it. Basically, it’s a modern interpretation of Shakespeare’s Hamlet. In short: it’s a gothic horror told in first person referral (I to you).
It’s an older work, compared to what I’m currently writing. A relic from the days where I believed that I could only write contemporary literary fiction instead of what I tend to write now (fantasy, horror, & sci-fi). However, I can now add my own spin to what was originally a work grounded in reality. (That is, make it more like a gothic horror novel.)
I’m hoping to make an update post about it, since I’ve doubled my typical 10,000 word goal. I’ve been pretty busy with trying to meet all my goals as of late, and posting has taken the back burner as opposed to attempting to overcome my seasonal depression.
(Maybe writing Hamish isn’t the healthiest option, but the vibes are there.)
I am a little burnt out at the moment when it comes to Hamish. I’m in what I call the “27k slump”, which is where I get demotivated at around 27,000 words in a project. The end of Act I tends to be difficult for me. This problem results in sagging middle, which is an issue I struggle with in a lot of my novels. I’m still trying to find a way to circumvent this.
In March, I hope to play with some sci-fi!
Publications
I don’t have any publications to show for February, but I did get my novelette Body rejected by a publisher, so I’m proud of myself for putting myself out there.
Looking forward!
(Hopefully I’ll remember to take a picture of my journal layout for March. If not, check out my Instagram for some updates. Gotta self-promote as much as possible in this wild west that is the writernet.)
My March layout is more complex than the February one, which is an upside of a bullet journal format. I can modify it whenever I need to.
My biggest goals in March are:
Finish 1 short story
Go to the library 2 times
Write in a cafĂŠ 2 times
Maintain submission & word count journals
Read 10 pages a day
Finish 2 audiobooks
Submit 2 stories for publication
I think these goals are me realistically pushing myself. I probably won’t reach all of these goals, but that’s okay. The point is to foster good habits instead of reaching perfection.
On the lower corner of my “big goals” page is a “best poems” section, where I will write down my favorite poems of the month. Like a monthly playlist of poems. I’m hoping I’ll use this a bit this month, but if not, it’s no sweat.
Then it’s my “books read”, “stories written”, and “want to read” page. My “want to read” section is a lot of books that James Clear recommended, because I’m on a self-help kick right now and I like reading his articles. I’ve also got some general books I want to read this year or month. Since it’s Women’s History Month, I want to include some more female authors.
My “books read” and “stories written” section for February were far larger than they needed to be last month, so I made them smaller for March.
Next is my “words written” and “poems written” page, which I will definitely be using the most. I’m attempting to write every day and note it. It’s easier to write a poem than a short story or novel, so I made the section just a little bigger. Mostly, this is a word count tracker.
The next page is blank. I think I might do a tracker or brain dump page, or both. I’m constantly brainstorming ideas, so having something with me all the time is essential.
Personal Life
As some of y’all might know, my birthday is in March! I am doing a Golden Birthday Bonanza, where I do a little retrospective on my eleven years of writing with the intent to publish. Let me know if you have anything you’d like to hear about during my week of birthday fun. Q&A is officially open!
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