#I finally found a solution for the first act of this story (which was stopping me to get started)

[boxboysandotherwhump]

I polished an old piece of mine, trying to get into creating stuff again :3

[roseapov]

Freedom of choice

Venti/Barbatos x GN!Reader

The warning: Mentions of obsession, imprisioning in a sleep, manipulation, use of divine powers

Spoilers to Mondstadt Main Story

Povtober 2023, Day 8 [Masterlist]

Barbatos first met you, when Dvalin was corrupted by the Abyss. He was searching for his dragon friend to help him, when he saw another person, you. You were tending to dragons wounds and he seemed totally calm around you, unlike for the others where he acted hostile.

It immediately picked his interest, as he chose to hide and observe you for a little longer. He felt an invisible force drawing him to you, yet he decided to ignore it, to watch you longer whilst ignoring the painful sting in his heart.

When you entered the city for the first time, he planned your meeting to be as charming as possible, to lure you in and tell him all your secrets. The white pigeons surrounded him whilst he played his lyre, under a big statue of the Anemo Archon - Barbatos.

He instantly caught your eye, and he seemed to brighten even more for his crowd. After his performance he didn't wait for any applause like usual, but instead went straight to you.

You were so.. you, he never met someone like you before, so please, let him write a poem for you.

He quickly got charmed by you, firstly as a Barbatos and secondly as Venti.

Yet, he never told you about his feelings, no no, he wouldn't dare to. What if you would feel pressured to answer him and say yes, but don't even mean it? He can't have that, as a God of Freedom it's against his principles. That's why he found another solution.

As fast as he barged into your life, then as fast he made himself comfortable and at home, right by your side. You also couldn't help but start to feel comfortable around that goofy bard, which led you to trust him with all your heart, as he became your safe space.

But once you fell asleep on his lap, it was over. He wouldn't pressure you into doing anything, and yet he still created an alternative reality for you. A cage with the illusion of freedom, BUT it still had freedom, so everything was fine for him.

A reality, where you could do whatever you want, without the risk of being in danger. Despite the other people acting weird to you, you never really questioned it as Venti was always by your side, travelling the world with you, averting your attention from everyone else.

You never got bothered by your fuzzy memories, not when you have a companion who can make you feel better in an instant.

He never told you, yet he used his divine powers to stop your time, and took your consciousness into a place that never met the threats of the time.

When you finally fell in love with him, and was willing to stay with him forever only then he ended the sleep, but in a way that you never knew you were in a sleep at all.

He manipulated you and the situation into making you believe that yesterday you confessed to him in the Stormterror's lair, and he graciously accepted it. You both were on your way home, and this is where playing with this fake reality ended.

When you woke up in your bed in the next morning, you were in a real world again, but it's not like you knew about it anyway.

Venti looked just the same as 'yesterday', but why did everyone else look much older? Did you missed something? Why does the Mondstadt look different? You didn't know, but thinking about it was giving you deadly migraines.

Your new lover was now happily comforting and massaging you, knowing that you chose him from everyone else with your own freedom of choice.

He's so glad you decided to offer him all your freedom, to him, to your God. Oh you didn't? Not yet then.

What was he mumbling about? Oh, don't mind it, it wasn't important anyway.

First fic with Genshin Impact characters in Povtober 2023 AND in total. That's a great feat Venti💚 It was really hard to find his pic that would show his personality as both Venti and Barbatos, but I think I managed it well💚 If this work have any grammar mistakes, I'm going to fix them this weekend, See you soon 🔜

~roseapov

[imperatorcaesaraugustus]

Jahaerys, Rhaenys, Aegon, and Cole: The Brutality of War

(this is one section of my House of the Dragon Season 2 Review)

Like the other sections of this review, I have named this one after the principal characters discussed. This section, however, is in truth less a discussion of certain characters and more a discussion of certain events. Here we will analyze the consequences of the defining incidents of the beginning and middle of the season: Blood and Cheese and Rook’s Rest.

            The Blood and Cheese incident is the name given in the book to the murder of Aegon’s son, Jahaerys. Daemon, seeking retribution for the death of Luke at the end of last season, travels to King’s Landing to speak with a guard of the city watch and a ratcatcher of the Red Keep. He hires them to sneak into the Red Keep and kill Prince Aemond, but he does not give clear instructions on what to do if Aemond cannot be found. So long as blood is spilled, any blood will do. And so the two assassins, after encountering a series of obstacles and disruptions to their plan, finally stumble upon Helaena and her children, the twins Jahaerys and Jahaera. They decide that killing Jahaerys would be the best way for them to achieve their goal, a son for a son. After a moment of confusion, Helaena tells them which child is which, and they cut Jahaerys’ head off.

            The death of Jahaerys ripples out among the members of the Green faction. Aegon is driven to fury, desperate to exact revenge against Rhaenyra for what has been done to his family. Criston Cole is also motivated to act, but out of guilt. He was with Alicent when the incident occurred and therefore could not prevent it, but he cannot admit this fact, so he projects this onto Ser Arryk, sending him on an assassination mission to Dragonstone. Aegon promotes Cole to Hand of the King for this, dismissing Otto who is pushing for a more measured response, and thus his grief leads to the inevitability of greater bloodshed and the death of the possibility of more diplomatic solutions. Ser Arryk, for his part, is spotted by Ser Erryk, and so brother kills brother in an act of tragic violence that produces no greater ends. Helaena, meanwhile, says to Alicent that she does not feel as though she can grieve Jahaerys since so many others are also suffering in this war. She is correct in her understanding that everyone in the city is a victim of the war, just as Alicent is correct in saying that Helaena still has the right to grieve. When Rhaenyra first meets with Alicent this season, the death of Jahaerys is a major reason why they are unable to stop the war.

            The second event I want to discuss is the Battle of Rook’s Rest. In this battle, Cole and Aemond conspire to set a trap for the Black faction. They attack the seat of a member of Rhaenyra’s council in the open, hoping that a dragon will come to lift the siege. When one does, Aemond will attack with Vhagar. The plan starts off successful, with Rhaenys arriving on her dragon Melys, but before the trap is sprung Aegon shows up on his dragon Sunfyre. In the end, many die, including Rhaenys, and Aegon is left horribly burned.

            Rhaenys’ death is deeply felt among the Black faction. Rhaenyra looses her most capable dragonrider and one of the only members of her council who does not constantly doubt her, but more relevantly to the theme we are focusing on in this section, Corlys mourns her loss deeply. He questions his support of Rhaenyra, having already lost his daughter and, he believes, his son. In his eyes, the connection to Daemon and Rhaenyra has cost him his entire family. He begins to consider the future of his house in this difficult time, asking Baela to be his heir, but she turns him down. She is a Targaryen, not a Velaryon, eager to follow in the footsteps of her grandmother. Through this war, even one of the most powerful houses in the

            Aegon’s story after Rook’s Rest is the story of a discarded veteran. Before the battle, he was eager to fight, wanting to contribute to the war. Afterward, he is told by Larys upon waking that he will forever be remembered as someone who survived dragonfire, but materially he has been pushed aside, his throne taken from under him by the brother who burned him. The only one who seems not to forget him is Larys, who understands what it means to exist as a disabled person in the society of Westeros. Larys informs Aegon of the harsh reality of what his new life will be, consistently pushing him to improve faster so he may survive in an uncaring world.

            It is through Cole that we see the effect of battles such as Rook’s Rest on the common people. Cole is deeply traumatized by the destruction he witnesses, men burned to death and left as suits of armor filled with ash. He begins the season eager for war, doubling down once Jahaerys dies and he is made hand. After, he is unable to think of anything but the agonizing death that awaits so many when dragons are led into war.

            The question now is whether or not these stories and this theme worked in the show. Let us start with Blood and Cheese. I did not like Blood and Cheese, but my disappointment largely comes from comparing it to the book, and I want to try and examine the show on its own merits here. The beheading of Jahaerys was a truly horrific act, and it does serve to highlight how the cycle of revenge and the decent into war causes the death of innocents. But I do feel the gravity of the moment was somewhat undercut by the comedy of errors that was the infiltration of the Red Keep. One could read it as being part of a broader theme of poorly thought-out actions having serious consequences, in line with the death of Luke at the end of last season, but I just don’t think it really lands here. Helaena’s reaction to the death of her son, both in the moment and afterwards, seems to have been a matter of controversy among some fans. She shows very little outward reaction and later says that she does not feel like she can grieve. I personally had no issue with the immediate reaction, it seemed very clear to me that she was shutting down in response to the event, clearly traumatized even if she was not crying and wailing. As for her later statement, I read it at the time as Helaena not allowing herself to grieve rather than genuinely feeling no grief, but that is admittedly a charitable reading and I don’t know that her later scenes really supported that interpretation. The battle between the Cargyll twins was excellent, however, and solidly supported this theme with how tragic and ultimately pointless it was.

            In contrast to Blood and Cheese, I thought the actual event of Rook’s Rest was very well done, displaying not just incredible spectacle but also showcasing the horrors of war. As for the aftermath, each story supports the theme in a different way. Rhaenys dies, leaving behind a void that cannot truly be filled. Baela is inspired to follow in her footsteps, showing the ways in which the drive for war spreads and ensnares further generations, an ever-descending spiral of tragedy and revenge, while Corlys is left alone, his whole family lost to Rhaenyra’s war. Aegon lives but is physically disabled. He is given credit for the victory and for the death of Rhaenys and Melys, and Larys tells him that he will be forever remembered for the extraordinary feat of surviving dragonfire, but these platitudes do not change the position he is in. He has been discarded, left in his bed while his brother rules the kingdom. If he were to become to inconvenient to Aemond, he would be killed. The Grand Maester works to heal him, but it is Larys and only Larys who understands him. Finally, Cole is physically unharmed, but mentally he has been scarred by the battle. The things he has seen, things that he himself helped bring about, haunt him. Of everyone, Cole’s post-battle story epitomizes this theme the most strongly, though I think of them all Aegon’s story is the best done and one of the strongest in the entire show. It does stand out to me having written this that this particular theme is shown with the Greens far more than the Blacks, but I think that may just be an accident of where we are in the story, and we cannot forget that the season begins with the reaction to the death of Luke. Neither side is devoid of loss, and both will experience more, for that is the inevitable consequence of war.

[fennelrabbit]

Now that people have had time to watch and think about the miniseries, can we agree that Fionna and Cake was really bad, or at least disappointing?

I'm very happy to hear some different opinions if anyone wants to try and change my mind, but now I've had some time to digest what I watched, I can still say my bad feelings on the episodes are exactly the same.

I haven't been able to mention Fionna and Cake's characterisation much, so I'll try and make a bulleted list (read more)

° Cake didn't grow or have to change at all during the miniseries. She was selfish and never had to face any consequences for her choices. Her relationship with Fionna is not wholesome and friendly like Jake is to Finn, but more parasitic. Fionna does things for Cake, and in return Cake doesn't abandon her. Cake still helps Fionna in fights and doesn't want her to get hurt, however Cake doesn't really appreciate Fionna and all that she does for her.

It's particularly bad that Cake isn't very bothered by the fact that the trade-in for a magical world is Simon's sanity, which is another moment of selfishness. This scene is never addressed later, which unintentionally implies that if someone isn't benefitting Cake, she doesn't want to care about them anymore.

° Fionna was also poorly handled. Although the show tries to say that it won't treat Fionna in a sexist way by swapping her skirt for shorts, a large part of Fionna's story still revolves around romance and her relationships with men (platonic or romantic). In fact, there's a pretty substantial lack of female characters (barring Fionna) that have any stage presence or do anything meaningful in the story. The episode with apocalypse PB and Marcy was a refreshing addition, with an interesting conflict between the two women, but it's a shame that they couldn't be included in the larger conflict, as characters can jump across the universe and the story would've really benefitted from their inclusion.

Fionna's character started pretty strongly, introducing her boredom and apathy towards her life (that being a capitalist nightmare of endless job hunting just to pay for rent), but didn't do enough to develop this plotline. It's true that having Fionna stay in Ooo wouldn't push her to grow as a person - Fionna needs to find a way to find happiness in the life that she's given.

However, much like Simon was sent back to his shitty life and basically ordered by the narrative to 'get over it' and 'stop being sad', nothing changes in Fionna's original world. Fionna is sent back to the same old world, with the same old problems, and nothing is really resolved. No solutions are presented to Fionna inside of FionnaWorld, even though her situation is very difficult and not something that can just be fixed with 'life's not so bad'. Fionna should've found a way to experience the thrill of adventure in her world, in a way that wouldn't endanger everyone around her.

° Bringing the farmworld characters to FionnaWorld in the end was a total cop-out, and should've resulted in damaging the multiverse. They did not need to be there.

° Fionna and Cake causing things to glitch around them (damaging the multiverse???) was never resolved or followed up on after Act 1. It's like the story forgot that plot point, which really lowered the stakes.

° Scarab was a weak villain. Though his first episode had a strong introduction, he was very undeveloped, and came across as more of a comedic pest than an actual threat. The final fight between Fionna and Scarab were laughably boring, and I never felt like the characters were in danger at all. One of the weakest finales the show's ever done.

° Rip to Betty, folks. You'd think we'd finally get some backstory on her character beyond being "Simon's gf/love interest", but no. We know she has a mum, I guess? And that she's impulsive. Betty has officially been fridged by the narrative THREE TIMES, and will now forever remain as Simon's dead/absent girlfriend. This is very sad, and not to mention, very anti feminist. We will never know who Betty is outside of Simon.

(She doesn't even get to have a real conversation with Simon as Golbetty. She has a couple of sentences, and then gets on the stupid bus. Betty literally has no voice in the story).

°The dialogue was very weak. I don't have much to say here really, the dialogue was just very basic and badly paced. Subtext doesn't exist in this story. At some point, one of Finn's children literally blurts out that their dead mum made their soup. Very subtle exposition, guys.

° I don't like how Fionna and Cake treated Simon at all. The entire time they were both self centered and very annoying, and their relationship with Simon wasn't developed that much. When Simon described Fionna and Cake as his "friends", it wasn't believable in the slightest. They have no chemistry or real connection as a group.

Well, that's all I could remember for now.

Anyway, feel happy to share your thoughts Adventure Time fans, I'd be happy to hear it!

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for having impure thoughts and insulting God?

i (18F) am a devout christian, and have always maintained a dedication to save myself for marriage. unfortunately, i’ve recently begun having… impure thoughts… which i believe have been invoked by our school’s star football player (18M) who i’ll call J (not the Big J though!)

now, J is highly feared by a lot of kids at school. he’s very violent and frequently bullies kids he considers nerdy prudes. i overheard a group of nerds discussing wanting to get back at him, so naturally i got involved and took the lead

our plan was, we lure him to an abandoned house and jump out at him dressed as ghosts, filming it to show to the whole school how embarrassingly scared he got

of course, given how violent and aggressive he was, he opted to instead try to fight the ghosts, endangering some of the nerds. we put it to a stop and revealed ourselves before anyone could get hurt, and he was surprisingly delighted by our surprise for him

unfortunately. the floor he was standing on collapsed, sending him down three stories, wear he was impaled on wood. we rushed to him, and with his final breaths he swore revenge

now, everyone was obviously freaking out, so i decided to be the reasonable one. i told everyone we needed to get rid of the body. there was too much evidence that would suggest we lured him here with the intent to kill him, so chopping him up into pieces and hiding him beneath the floorboards seemed like the most logical solution

honestly i was really relieved he died. my impure thoughts went away after his death so clearly this was an act of god. J deserved to die or else he wouldn’t have died, simple as that

two months passed, and our school greatly improved now that J was gone. everyone got along great!

until one of the nerds who helped with the plan got killed, a note written in blood left at the crime scene. J’s last words

even worse, though, was the fact that the police discovered J’s body and an investigation had been opened up

i came up with a plan to cover our tracks by going to the police station and attempting to frame our rival town for the murder, but the police had already gained a lot of evidence that i was there at the crime scene (having found my WWJD bracelet at the scene of the crime)

i explained to the police that J’s death was an act of god, and in my rage i…….. well im very ashamed to admit this. but i called God…… a son of a b word…..

i was able to steal an officer’s gun and get away on my bicycle, but now another one of the nerds is dead and i’m very worried

but most of all i’m worried about my soul! first those horrible horrible thoughts J cursed me with, then i called God the b word! what is wrong with me!

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

Currently Watching - May

Because I love a good little list - in alphabetical order! 😊

Regularly updated during the month, latest update 30.05.2023

Here you can find my weekly roundup that goes into a bit more detail about each episode.

And a little link to my favorite bl-tropes-collection 💙

This may contain spoilers!

1. Be My Favorite (1/10 on Youtube)

Well...It had some funny parts, but right now I can't imagine how Kawi and Pisaeng get together...I mean Kawi is so head over heels for the girl...But as I said, there are some really funny moments and I had a good laugh.

2. Bokura no Shokutaku aka Our Dining Table (8/10 on Gaga)

Hozumi Yutaka likes to cook and is good at it, but he can't eat infront of other people. Meeting Tane and his older brother Ueda Minoru his life seems to change and he may finally have found what his body and soul were longing for. A true comfort watch right now.

3. La Pluie (5/12 on iQiyi)

Saengtai goes deaf whenever it rains. The only voice he can hear in his head is his soulmate's one. But he refuses to answer it, because Tai doesn't believe in things like love or soulmates. That is until he meets his soulmate for the first time. It is surprisingly good and I am looking forward to this one.

4. My Story (7/10 on Youtube)

Every now and than I like to watch a pinoy-bl. The first episode was a mess and a bit boring, but I have a strong second-lead-syndrome! I love the secondary couple and they just slept together in one bed, but that was so cute! Looking forward to the next episodes!

5. Our Skyy 2 (12/16 on Youtube)

Can I be honest? This isn't my cup of tea...I still watch it, because I hope the next episodes are better, especially the ones I am hoping for (MSP + ATOTS). But most of the dialogues are cringy and cheesy and the stories are...weird or boring. MSP was really good though.

6. Sparks Camp (1/? on Youtube)

Philippines's first gay dating reality show! And it's giving you everything you're looking for! Well at least a bunch of cute and cringy moments! And I am sold!

7. Step by Step (6/10 on Gaga)

Employee meets boss without knowing who he has met and crushes hard on him, just tells him what everyone thinks about the new boss and is just adorably clumsy infront of him. I adore the friend group! I hope we get to see them support Pat a lot. The second episode...difficult for me.

8. The Day I Loved You (9/10 on Youtube)

Go watch this! It is such a good show! So great. I love it so much. I was hit by tthis series with a sledgehammer. Not just how good the production is or the acting, but the theme and plot. Damn! So good. And I can relate to this a little bit too much, but I still love it. Just watch it!

9. The Luminous Solution (1/6 on Gaga)

Every wish comes with a price...We meet Thana and Patis, a couple of over a decade. While Thana tries to holds closeness to his partner, Patis is working non stop at the hospital and doesn't see, that his partner is suffering. And now Thana lost his job and his mother is in depth. One evening he enters a very special café, which only shows itsself to people who are in deep need for a wish. But can you pay the price? As a second couple we meet Mai and Ryou, who become enemies on the first day of school and who will have some obstacles to overcome to be together. And there is Ryous best friend, I guess he has a huge crush on Ryou. How they will end up in the café? I don't know, but I am intrigued.

10. Zenra Meshi aka Naked Dining - Love, Life and Liberation (7/12 on Gaga)

Everybody has their own way to release stress. Ichijo Futa eats naked. When he goes to his dead grandmother's house, he meets Miki Mahiro, who finds out about his eating preference. I guess it is a series about understanding what is really important in life.

Finished in May

Series

Tin Tem Jai (on Gaga)

They say if you don't have anything nice to say, just keep your mouth shut…That's my motto about the series. I really didn't like it that much. 2 out of 10 for me

2. Happy Merry Ending (8/8 on Gaga)

As often with korean bls, this one was soooo short! Just 15 minutes per episode. But it was a good. We meet SeungJun and JaeHyun and when they meet there is not a question left that those two like each other. A wedding singer and a pianist. A wedding singer with social anxienty and trauma. I really enjoyed this drama. A good 9 out of 10 for me.

3. A Boss and A Babe (12/12 on Youtube)

I wasn't a big fan of ForceBook after watching Enchanté, but I think it works in this drama. Cher is getting an internship at a gaming company. In his free time he runs an ASMR channel and the boss is a big fan of his voice (a thing I can't understand) and they start talking in the evenings so Gun, the boss, can finally manage to fall asleep. And then they can start to fall for each other. Most of the times I liked this drama, but it has some flaws. So a solid 7,5 out of 10 for me.

4. My Esports Genius Brother (12/12 on Gaga)

Jiang YiFeng can't feel physical touch, emotions or anything else, he can't taste and he doesn't see colors, which makes him super focused and an exellent gamer. That is until he meets Lu Lin, an idol with too much of everything, especially the potential of becoming violent. YiFeng helps him to calm down and thanks to Lu Lin YiFeng can see colors, taste food and experience the whole palette of emotions. A romance blossoms between these two against all odds and even though it is a chinese censored drama with some almost kisses (the scenes were horrible cut) and a sweet confession scene, we can feel the attraction between these two. I really liked. Just wished it would be a little bit longer! 5 minutes per episode was just a little bit short. But nevertheless sweet. 7,5 out of 10 for me.

5. The Promise (10/10 on WeTV + Youtube)

Okay, I loved it in the beginning. I thought it was a really good drama. But after a while it got repetetive and boring. I wished Nan just got together with Party, because Phu just could get his head out of his own ass. I was really angry at him at times. And there was so much unnecessary drama, especially in the last two episodes. It was just too much. Just a 6,5 out of 10 for me in the end.

6. Watashi to Otto to Otto no Kareshi aka Me, My Husband And My Husband's Boyfriend (4/10 on gaga)

Misaki is married to Yuuki. She nows something is off, because he doesn't really have interest in getting sexual with her. On the day before their wedding anniversary she sees him kissing a man infront of their home. It is her former student Shyuuhei, who also has a crush on her. Now they have to find a way to deal with everything. And their solution...I don't really get in the end. It is kind of an open ending, which is totally fine, but the resolution with Misaki being okay with the situation was kind of rushed? Just a 6,5 out of 10 for me.

7. Love Mate (6/8 on Gaga and Viki)

I am in love with the grumpy-I-don't-believe-in-love-guy and the sunshine-I-fell-in-love-with-you-at-first-sight-guy. The butterflies went wild in my stomach and my heart got all fluffy. Over all a 10 out of 10 for me!

Short Film

At The Moment (on Gaga)

In a not so far away future people can freely choose, which gender they identify as. They have the chance to change their gender once in their lifetime, so they must make the right decision. Of course, there are programs and surveys which will support you on your journey to the right decision. But what is the right decision? What if you were born male and you identify as a male, but you like feminine things and fall in love with another young man, but everyone around you tells you to change into a woman, because it is the most logical next step? We accompany Yi An, on the edge of seventeen and in love with his classmate Zhou Yang Kai, on his way to find out what exactly he is. His best friend, identifying as male and in love with Yi An, wants to help him getting comfortable with the idea of being a girl. But Yi An questions everything around the idea of gender swap and his own sexuality and in the end it is about self-love and to accept the fact who you are and who you love. It is an interesting short movie about the question what attraction, sex and gender is and if it does have to do with gender preferences or sex. A 9 out of 10 for me.

2. Gaze in Silence (on Gaga)

This should be named Obsession. Everyone in this was obsessed. The first one with sex, another one with the thought of becoming the first person's boyfriend and the last one was just obsessed with the first one. A story about a very active young man who likes to have sex with different partners and who is not looking for a relationship. One of his sex-partners wants to become his boyfriend and the situation escalated. But lucky number one has a stalker who films him during his sex-sessions and who now rescues him from the hands of the evil wanna-b-boyfriend. And they have sex while the wanna-b is lying next to them...tied up. A very strange ending, but not bad. A very quiet short film with a lot to say in the end. I liked the way it was shot and that there were no real conversations. 7,5 out of 10 for me.

3. May you stay, forever young (on Gaga)

If you expect there to be much romance or love here, you are mistaken. This was a very depressing and hard to watch film. You could literally feel the emptiness in our main character. It oozed outward from his core. Only the family couldn't see it. First and foremost, the mother. Francis grows up sheltered and is supposed to concentrate on his lessons and especially his piano playing. At least that's what his parents want him to do. He, on the other hand, wants to spend time with his friend Tommy and even secretly starts working a part-time job in the restaurant where Tommy works. The relationship of the two is never clearly defined. What is certain is that Francis likes Tommy. Whether those feelings are reciprocated, I don't really know. And in the end, Francis breaks down and the parents stand helplessly around him, not knowing how to deal with him. And then the movie ends and you're about as helpless as the parents, because we don't know what's going to happen next in Francis' life. But that's what I really want to know! Over all a solid 8 out of 10 for me.

4. So refreshed (on Gaga)

Kim and Choi are two gay friends. Kim likes Choi, but Kim is not Choi's type. So Kim suffers in silence until one night Choi decides to book a middle-aged masseur with a light belly for company. While Kim is out to get the money, Choi has fun with the, in the end, really homophobic masseur. Kim and Choi fight and when Kim is home alone again, he watches the video of Choi and the masseur, he secretly took with his watch, and jerks of...so refreshed! It was really disturbing and disgusting to watch. A 5 out of 10 for me.

5. Old Narcissus (on Gaga)

A story about aging and the struggle with it. A story about beauty and its transience. A story about acceptance and the fact you should really not trust strangers, you don't know shit about! That was one stupid choice you made writer! The moth never would! Still a 7 out of 10 for me.

Movie

Dropped/On-Hold in May

House of Stars

Dropped at episode 3. I really don't like this one. I don't like the acting not the story. It is boring and confusing and just overall not good, in my opinion.

Looking forward to in May

House of Stars (May 1st on iQiyi)

Love Mate (May 4th on Gaga)

Star Struck (May 18th)

Be my favorite (May 26th on Youtube)

The Luminous Solution (May 27th on Youtube and Gaga)

Tie The Not (May 27th on Youtube)

Takumi-kun Series 6: Nagai Nagai (May 27th cinema release, no international release for now)

[isabeauwolf]

I'm curious. What was everyone's first anime amv's that you watched and what ones stays in your mind rent free?

This Ryou Bakura/ Yami Bakura amv got me into RED back in high school. If ya'll have read the og Yu-Gi-Oh manga and Duelist, ya'll know. If not, let's just say its wayyy darker than the 4kids anime we grew up with and a lot of stuff was censored. All the crap Yami Bukura put poor Ryou through, Yami was super creepy and throwing out death punishments left and right, but the people deserved it. That was even before the card game was introduced!

I know, I know, Inuyasha is basic and over memed to death, but it's still very close to my heart. It was my first anime in middle school and is very close to my heart, say what you will, but I love the dub. I've re-watched the series 5 times before The Final Act aired, I watched it every week both in subbed and dubbed. I've read the manga online years ago after the original anime ended cuz I had to know what happened! I bought the VizBigs and have a couple of the anti-manga which I hope to finish collecting someday, have other merch and games too.

I'll even share that I used the instrumental version of "Dearest" while walking down the isle for my wedding. Why? The song fit my husband and me so well, we had been through so much together and our love only grew stronger. Even while we were apart, we never stopped thinking of each other.

Eternal Snow always hits me with heavy nostalgia. Do I always cry while singing it? Of course, I do. I always come back here in winter to listen to this beautiful song. I remember watching the whole series on YouYube in high school after reading the manga. The story really sticks with you and inspiring, no matter what your dream is.

This amv I think best summarizes Kai Chisaki, Overhaul perfectly as a character. He has such a twisted mind, but that's part of the reason he was such a great villain, and his style/quirk made him such a bad-ass villain.

The way Pops found Kai as a boy, alone, covered in filth and I imagine he was hungry, always made me feel as if we were missing something from his past before the latest chapters came out. He wanted more than anything to replay the man who saved him, rebuilding the Shie Hassaikai's former glory and reputation along with returning people quirkless. Might have saved so many lives who were eventually lost, but at the end of the day, he still choose the darkest route and solution.

"You have no place here", hearing those words from Pops, his father figure, that's probably what finally pushed him to do everything he did. Ignoring Pops wish and taking matters into his own hands, its brief, but it hurt him, he's shocked before recollecting himself and putting Pops into a coma.

Kai’s final scream makes me cry every time because you just know that’s when he realized he’s lost literally everything he ever had, his quirk, the ability to fix Pops, the Shie Hassaikai his only home, and the quirk erasing bullets and serum, his plan that's been pouring so much time and who knows how long working on.

I haven't said it often on here at least, haha. But MDZS is one of my favorite BL anime, danmei, and manhua I've been obsessed with since 2020.

If you haven't watched MDZS, or Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation, I highly recommend it. The world building, music, the characters, the animation and raw feelings it pulls out of you.

Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian's love is only a part of the series, the depth of their feelings cannot be matched by anything after what they’ve gone through together. No boundaries to their relationship and not even death stops their love.

Lan Zhan let go of everything to protect Wei Ying and tried to feel the pain he felt. They went through life and death together. It was literally them against the world. Even though they had no one by their side, they were with each other.

I still have to catch-up with The Untamed... XD I always play their song, "WANGXIAN" before "Mourning for Love."

[illegiblehandwriting1]

I feel the need to mention this, cuz I was thinking about it and I found it absolutely hilarious. (Skyward Sword spoilers but, c'mon, it's like 12 years old now.)

Time travel breaks a lot of things in the Zelda universe. The Hero of the Skies, miraculously, managed to keep an immense amount of continuity going. SkSw Link managed to not break time, but I can't help but notice that he broke something else.

He just so happened to break the fucking law of conservation of mass.

(putting a read more cuz this gets LONG)

How, you ask? It's pretty simple.

This fucking thing.

You can go back from the beginning of the game and see Zelda's crystal, Impa's bracelet, etc. That's perfect! I love it! It's amazing! Genius attention to detail from the devs. But this fucking pedestal does not exist until the end cutscene. It just shows up in the modern-day Sealed Temple - along with the Master Sword, which should be there as well - like "ayup, homies, how ya doing".

And Link doesn't bat an EYE.

Okay, fine. I'm fine with his reaction. That's his friend, and he's a bit busy. Besides, you cannot convince me that he actually paid attention in any science class ever.

But still. THAT'S NOT HOW PHYSICS WORKS.

However, fear not! I am not solely here to complain. I may have a solution.

You could say that there's not allowed to be two copies of the sacred sword in a time at the same time, but that's boring, right? That's just not any fun. I don't like that. So here's my solution.

The pedestal is movable. HEAR ME OUT, IT GETS BETTER.

So. here's my timeline of events.

After Demise is defeated/Link finally puts Fi to rest/Zelda tries to bring Impa with them/etc. the Gate of Time is broken, right? And it was probably young Impa that did that, right? She's already proven she can break a Gate in Lanayru, so she just waits for Link, Zelda, and Groose to go through and then she blows it up. Great. Awesome. Glad we can all agree on that.

So. Young Impa breaks the Gate of Time. She's probably already seen the Sealed Temple in modern times, right? She was there in that time anyway, might as well see how decrepit her house becomes. It can be a road trip.

Anyway.

So, she probably knows that the pedestal isn't there in modern times. So after she breaks the Gate, Impa just picks up the sword and the stone (you probably couldn't take them apart, after Link slammed Fi in there) and shoves it into her one (1) non-canonical broom cupboard. I'm sure the Sealed Temple has at LEAST one of those, right? And then it sits there. For thousands of years or however long it takes.

Anyway, when Zelda's taken by Ghirahim (In the present day, after Sky Keep) and Link and Groose run through the Gate to save her and stop Ghirahim and all that jazz (no, that's not really important, I'm sure they'll do fine and all. Kinda boring, though, in comparison to what IMPA's doing), the old lady, being her wonderful old lady self, just calmly walks over to the non-canonical closet and carefully puts the Master Sword and the rock pedestal back in its place like it's made of styrofoam. She's IMPA, after all, we stan buff old ladies here. She probably has, like, lines she drew on the floor, too, with a nice little outline where it should go. I feel like that's something she would do. Y'know, for continuity.

I firmly believe that was her last act as the Keeper of Time or whatever she was (I can't remember lmao, too lazy to go find it rn). She made sure all was right in the world of physics. And I love her for it.

Long story short, Link's lovable but oblivious, and Impa was the real unsung hero of the story. Thank her for all of your questions when you first noticed that the pedestal just spontaneously appeared.

Damn, she was so humble that she didn't even mention it when she died lmao. Just doing her job.

Consensus? Rip Impa. But I bet Hylia adores her for keeping the law of conservation of mass intact.

Oh wait, so THAT'S why she keeps coming back. She proved herself as smart. Hylia needs her to guide these dumbasses, and given that she used her entire life to serve, Impa was happy to oblige.

OHHHHHH. See, that makes a lot more sense.

Now, here's the real question. The original Beedle gave Link a sidequest and dropped him out of an airship.

So why does HE keep reappearing?

Anyway, thanks for reading my essay about a pointless subject lol.

[lostvi21]

Tips for writing

I already had another story which I never got to post, since I kept rewriting it into eternity. After forcing myself to take a break from it, I think I finally figured out a way to keep consistently writing a story. So, I thought maybe this post might stumble across a reader who struggles with similar things as I did and I could provide a possible solution without them needing to go through a year and over 10 different versions of a first chapter ending in a failed project. (and admitting that I needed to stop was what hurt the most since I really love the idea I had and maybe I might even try to restart that story, but that's a topic for another post in maybe 2 to 3 years.)

Also Disclaimer: This is only my opinion on the matter and what I figured to be helpful. In the end, it's up to you how you want to write your story and to decide what works for you. I'm just sharing my experiences.

I had a couple of problems which mixed up together until I needed to give up.

First off, I lacked structure. With my first bigger story, I had an idea, a beginning and I knew some major plot points that needed to happen. But what I never knew was when or how the story ended. I just wanted to tell an endless story or figure out an ending on the way. That didn't work for me.

With my current story (which you can check out here, if you're interested) I researched a couple of ways how to structure a story properly. (It was just for fun honestly, but so helpful in the end) I already had, like before a vague idea, and some plot points I wanted to happen. What I did: See if my story would fit into any of these structures and what would happen at which point until the end. And then I found a structure that fit my story (almost) perfectly. After that, I wrote down the plot in bullet points creating my outline for the story.

(Note: Of course, you can take any story structure you find and bend it a little. For example, I decided to go for a three act-structure and decided to skip the introduction part, since I wanted to plunge the reader into the story without heavily explaining what was going on. They would figure it out on the way … )

This means I knew what happened at which moment. And most importantly, I had an ending. Now I had to face my next challenge, fighting my constant urge to rewrite everything. After proceeding with my used-to-way of just writing what comes to my head, I quickly figured out that this wouldn't work. It didn't work earlier and it didn't work now. So, I needed to figure out what was wrong with my approach.

For that, there are multiple options to do so. Either you can ask others for their opinion of what is wrong with your text or try proofreading yourself. I recorded how I read my texts and heard afterwards to the footage while I was reading along (and yes, it sucks hearing your own voice on record, but if you imagine it's another person, it's not that painful anymore, after a while)

Then I had another important realization. I still had no structure in my chapters. The story was now well structured and I knew what I wanted to write the chapter about, but my thoughts were jumping from one thought to another and then back again. To solve this problem, I came up with an approach that still works for me.

Before writing the chapter, I think about what I want to happen in this chapter. For example, in my current story, I needed to introduce the two main characters and they needed to meet. I also wanted to hide some hints on backstory and needed to write about the event that starts the entire story. With that in mind, I just start loosely writing down what comes to my mind. It doesn't matter if it's good or not, since I'm going to rewrite it later on. Once I come to a point, where I completed all of my goals for that chapter, I take what I wrote down and structure the plot into bullet points. Then I take these and write a second version along with the bullet points. This makes sure that my thoughts are structured in the end and that I have a clear storyline to follow.

After that, the last step is proofreading. As already said before, you can ask others to give you feedback or record yourself. Maybe use a grammar program to fix obvious mistakes you've overseen (helps a lot. especially if you're writing in a language that you don't use everyday) In this stage I mostly find some sentences that are hard to read / speak or just some wordings that repeat or don't quite sound right. So I go ahead, mark them and fix them.

And after that, I was by now always satisfied with what I wrote. This method might be a little overkill but it works for me and the most important thing you need to keep in mind: If you'd like to write something, it's supposed to be fun. No matter the way you do it. The process of creating an own story and slowly watching it come alive, that's the feeling that makes me happy and why I keep writing.

Hope you had fun reading and maybe I was able to give you one or another idea on how to write a story. If you want more tips, you can send me an ask or just comment on this post.

[originalgenshinscenarios]

Not sure if I've already requested, but can I ask for the matchups in the valentines event?

Looking for a girl over 18 from Liyue or Inazuma

Lesbian

Sagittarius, INTJ

I'm very shy but when I do get close to someone, I get VERY close, I end up talking to them about everything on my mind (even if it might be the wrong thing to say in a situation), I follow them around almost everywhere and sometimes end up doing whatever chores they tell me to. It's really hard for me to make friends though, since for some reason I'm unable to talk to those I'm not familiar with . For some reason I end up planning way too far ahead even in the most minor of things (as an example, whenever I start playing gacha games I end up planning my teams for the entire game and create around 7 reroll accounts to get the character that's both most versatile and will be on my final team [and then I end up stop playing said gacha game within a week of playing]). I overthink way too much, often thinking about things that no one cares about, and I end up getting self-conscious of things that don't really matter. I don't talk too much (unless someone is asking me about my interests, in which case I talk WAY too much), so I usually end up being the one listening instead of speaking. I end up getting very careless in what I say and do in front of people I know I can trust (in front of others is a different story. So basically I'm very shy and preserved at first, but when I get close to someone I get very very very very close. I end up being very happy go lucky in front of people I'm close with, but when I know they're tired I just ask them if they need anything and give them what they want. I usually tease my friends a lot, and whenever someone else teases me we have a (friendly) fight since there ain't no way I'm backing down from that.

My love language is acts of service, and as I said once I get close to someone I get VERY close, as in I'm willing to do absolutely anything for them, as in I'd probably do the most embarrassing of things (or most dangerous of things) in front of them if they asked me to.

Although, I'm looking for someone who can just hold me close, someone who can just give a sense of comfort or a sense of safety, someone who'd just be there for me through and through. I'm fine with anything as long as I can get the loving words I never got growing up, even if it's the most simple of compliments.

Basically:

looking for a girl from either Inazuma or Liyue who can just comfort me and give me the love my family never did

Personality: I start off shy, a bit of a tease, plan way too far ahead, and also overthink a lot a lot

In a relationship I can simply do chores for you every once in a while, and I'll also take care of you when you're tired

You didn't send it in before so good that you double checked!

This is a part of 3x Valentines event (All slots are taken)

I match you with...

Ningguang

As greedy as she can be, she has a lot of love to give and she's not afraid to share it with you.

She's very observant, so whenever you feel down she's going to do whatever to make you feel better.

She'd plan a different solutions to different troubles, she'd both listen and give advice.

Your habit of planning ahead is something she appreciates a lot. And often you'd help each other make the most organized of plans! So whenever you set your minds to something literally nothing will be left to chance.

Your teasing is often like a good challenge to her. It quickly turns into you flirting with each other though.

With how you listen to every order and execute it almost immediately, she thinks you're one of the most reliable people she can count on.

But on the other hand she'd scold you if she found out you did something dangerous without any second thoughts. Be it by her or your friends' request.

She also isn't likely to admit to her being tired too quickly. So sometimes your habit of checking up on her hits at the right time.

She understands importance of rest, but when she's busy with work, time starts looking like a foreign concept to her.

~Mod Lisa

[crisalidaseason]

Who is the monster, who is the human?

Chapter 3 - Sad words and kind acts. (check index for more) (check Chapter 2 - Infirmary visits)

Chapter summary: You find out a secret about Armin that should not be a secret, also you need to ask him to stop sending you food. You and him have a drunk talking session and sensitive topics arise. He does yet another kind act that leaves you conflicted. Content Warning: Alcohol consumption, unhealthy coping mechanisms, guilt, mentions of war crimes, kinda fluffy at some point, but mostly angsty, talks of dehumanization, pessimistic views about life, self loathing.

“A celebration?” you said “made by the military? now that’s odd”

You, Sofia and Maria were all together in the lab. The physicist was sitting on a nearby chair, being the usual inconvenience in your life. 

“Apparently they are celebrating the two year anniversary of wall Maria reclaim” Maria replied.

Your attention was split between listening to the physicist and not overheating your solution, the information being half-processed in your brain.

“anniversary of what?” you asked.

“of wall Maria reclaim, are you even listening?” 

Sighing tiredly, you finally turned the stove and gas supply off and, while stirring the solution with a glass rod, finally spoke.

“A reminder that I am very much busy right now” you said “also, I thought you and Viktor were finishing the prototype of the new spears, what are you doing here?”

“I am inviting you and miss I-despise-everyone to the celebration” Maria replied “come on, we need to socialize with those people”

“You sound like Gael” Sofia replied from the other side of the counter "absolute nightmare"

“But he is not wrong” she insisted “we’ll have to work with the Corps soldiers eventually, let them at least know our faces”

Realistically, you and Sofia were well aware of this importance. Those soldiers were going to use your work so communication was inevitable. Entering the third month living on the island, you had only met Hange, Onyankopon and Levi so far (that is if you do not count Armin Arlert, but you did not consider the interactions in the infirmary anything relevant to your mission). Point was, you needed to know those people for the success of your efforts. 

“But this seems like a personal situation to them, should we really go?” you asked.

You knew from reports, and also stories told by Onyankopon during the weekly meetings, that the Survey Corps had one of the biggest victories and a catastrophic loss during the wall Maria retake. From what you heard, they retrieved many homes and farming lands, but lost 90% of their soldiers and also the previous commander, who seemed to be a local hero of sorts. You were always wary of so-called heroes, but the reports on Erwin Smith were interesting, no wonder why those people still remembered him fiercely. 

“The celebration is open to the public, but they will have a military-restricted memorial” Maria informed “at least that’s what I heard from Hitch”

Hitch? New name. You tried to remember if you met someone called Hitch briefly, but soon gave up. In the end, you and Sofia agreed to go, but not really because of Maria’s insistence. Gael would force everyone to participate, he was almost desperate to meet more people. You wondered if his years working in infiltration had something to do with that. 

The celebration happened two days later, at the mess hall. The food was slightly better than usual, but you found yourself comparing it to the gifts. Since your first visit to the infirmary, you had been receiving small plates of actual food at least once a week, which made your stomach get attached to the fruits, goat cheese and well baked bread. The mess hall food paled in comparison, even during an event. 

“Do you think the commander is courting you?” 

Viktor had asked you a few weeks ago, when another plate of cheese and bread was delivered to your room. He was making some calculations with you when the food arrived. The note attached was not scandalous, just a “recover well” written down, signed by the commander and their assistant. 

“Of course not, they look at least 15 years older than I am. Besides, I think they have a partner” You answered, despite finding the commander quite good looking. 

“Then why send you this? I don’t think this is standard behavior” 

You did not know why, but you knew who. You had a hunch the commander was not involved in sending food to a random chemist. You were avoiding thinking about the blond man, he was distracting you from your tasks and, whenever you seemed to forget about him, an occasional plate of food came as a reminder that he existed. Everything became even more difficult when, at the celebration, you saw him in something other than stained-shredded-white shirts and bandages. He was sporting a full military attire, a green well fitted coat, polished black boots and a pendant on his chest. 

You were right, he did stand out. Maybe not to everyone, but you noticed him right upon arrival. He was beside a woman, a very beautiful one. She had dark and shiny hair, beautiful stature and posture, her face exhaled an ‘I am extremely dangerous’ aura. What is in their heritage? There’s too many beautiful people around here, you thought. 

“Those are the veterans” Maria discreetly pointed to the group of people in which Armin was included. 

“Some of them seem quite young to be veterans” you commented.

“It seems they were the only survivors of the mission alongside the commander. Do you see the tall brunette? Him and the blonde boy beside him are shifters, but he is the founding one, Eren Jaeger” she whispered in the last part.

Eren, you heard of him, but what caught your attention was not him.

“The blonde man next to him is the colossal?” you loudly whispered, turning in your seat to face Maria with a speed you did not remember having “The titan people say has at least 60 meters and is known as the fucking 'god of destruction'?”

Maria looked at you, concerned with your unusual display of surprise. 

“Yes, Armin Arlert is his name. It’s so strange how he is a dangerous titan and we never see his name on the reports” 

You did not reply, still surprised by the information. The man who nursed your overworked self that first visit to the infirmary was the colossal. The man who sent you fruits and cheese was the colossal. That seemingly harmless blonde boy was hosting one of the worst demons in this world. Looking at Armin across the room, smiling at the woman beside him and interacting comfortably with his comrades, felt outrageously unnatural. Maybe because you had never seen any of the warriors up close, not even the cart titan, who was a common sight for battlefield soldiers and workers. Suddenly the conversation you had with him in the infirmary gained a new context.

“You alright?” Maria said when your silence remained “I don’t think he can hurt us without hurting his friends, don’t worry”

You were not worried. Not at all. Not even afraid of him. The truth was that you felt even more drawn to him. Knowing he was the colossal titan brought you even more questions about his intentions with all the ‘gifts’ sent to your room, about his visits to the infirmary, despite hosting a literal mutualistic parasite that could heal him even in near death. You wanted to uncover his truth, understand him almost to an atomic level. In the depths of your mind, you knew it had nothing to do with curiosity, but the recognition of your own internal troubles reflected in his dull eyes. 

“I’m okay” you finally replied “just processing”

Some days later, very late at night, you left the lab and decided to seek Armin Arlert. There was no planning, you just impulsively decided to speak with him, even if you were not sure of where he could be found, or if he even worked at the same base. There was a building a few meters away from yours, in which sometimes Onyankopon held meetings with your team. You had seen Hange there a few times and thought that maybe Armin was there. Stepping outside, you stopped to feel the slight breeze and mild chill of the air. It was a beautiful and cloudless night, the stars shining more than ever because of the new moon. 

"Hopefully it gets colder soon" you said to yourself.

Walking towards the building was uneventful, but unfortunately you did get lost inside the building. There were not many soldiers in the hallways, which was odd, and the ones you saw did not even look in your direction even when you called. You were mumbling bitterly about people’s impoliteness when a voice almost had you suffering from cardiac arrest. 

“Can I help you?” 

Turning, you saw nobody other than Armin Arlert himself sitting on top of the stairs you were passing by. You were either lucky or he was somehow following you. 

“Yes”

He made a gesture, inviting you to speak. He was wearing semi formal clothes, navy blue shirt and thick pants, his boots were not as polished as the ones he wore at the celebration. You checked his arms for bandages but saw nothing to indicate he was hurt, which did not surprise you knowing his status as a shifter. 

“I was looking for you, actually” you finally said.

“Oh” he seemed out of words, blond brows frowning.

Armin stood up, attempting to descend the stairs but struggling a little. For a moment, you thought he was going to fall and your heart’s pace went wild, but he steadied himself with a hand on the wall next to him and that was when you noticed the bottle beside his feet. 

“You’re drunk” you said.

“Not for much longer, unfortunately” he said, speech slightly slurring.

You almost felt sad for him. Imagine just wanting to drink your problems until you were unconscious but your body being too efficient in burning it off.

“Titan healing?”

He nodded for a second, but his eyes immediately widened. 

“How do you-”

“It’s no secret. I have reports, you know?” you lied. 

He stared at you, as if confused with your reaction, or maybe the fact a random stranger knew what he was. You had a moment of regret, almost slapping your own face from the poor choice of words. He was slightly unbalanced while standing up and eventually gave up going down the stairs and sat down again, you decided it would not hurt to join him, even if your brain was screaming at you. 

“So, no more sick days?” he asked.

“There are always sick days” you said “but I must admit the goat cheese resuscitated me”

He chuckled a little, drinking some of the alcohol from the bottle. He offered you some and, despite the awful consequences, you took some of it. It was bad quality sugar cane liquor, but more than enough if all you wanted was a silent mind. 

“Good to hear you enjoy the food, I was-”

“Stop sending it” you said. 

Your answer made him turn and focus his blue eyes on you. Even when drunk his stare was intense. 

“Sorry” he whispered “I’ll stop”

“Nothing against you, but it’s just weird” you said “you don’t know me, so why the sudden act of kindness, if it is an act of kindness at all”

“It is” he said firmly “I just..” 

He shook the bottle slightly, playing with the liquor inside. You waited for an answer that did not come, and usually you would not be eager to listen to other people’s babbling and reasoning, but in that particular situation you needed answers. 

“Why, Armin?”

“It’s gonna sound fucking stupid” he sighed loudly.

“Take another sip and say it” you suggested “actually, let me have a sip before I listen”

He gave you the bottle and you took a long sip, passing it back to him. You motioned for him to stay silent when he was about to speak. 

“Let the alcohol sink in first”

You were not sure, but it seemed as if he rolled his eyes to you, drinking more from the bottle until it was almost done. Your confused face must have shown a little though.

“Titan healing” he quoted you “I have a short drunk haze, no time to let it ‘sink in’ ”

You were the one who sighed this time.

“Alright. Spill, boy. Why the food?”

“I just wanted to do something nice for someone” he mumbled “for once. To feel like a person again, you know?”

Oh. You wished you had not asked, that was awfully familiar to you. The pit of regret started to simmer inside of you. 

“Why me?” you asked, you were everything but a person. 

“No idea” he shrugged. 

“You could have done a benevolent act to a friend” you said, making a face “or don’t you have any?”

“That is the problem, I have friends” he said “and they are all getting on my nerves”

You had no idea how to navigate that situation, you never allowed yourself to see anyone as a friend, even if they were relatively close. You had no idea what “a friend getting on your nerves” meant, was it the same as Viktor and Maria constantly reminding you to drink water, sleep or do your physiological necessities?

“It doesn’t matter” Armin spoke again, trying to fill the silence  “I won’t send it anymore if it’s bothering you”

“Good” you said.

Silence fell over the two of you one more time. He offered you the rest of the liquor, which you took.

“Just so you know” you said “thank you for the food. It was a kind gesture and it did make me recover faster”

“Good to hear that” he smiled discreetly.

More silence, you became quite aware that the liquor was strong enough to make you tipsy. 

“Was the food stolen?” you asked.

He chuckled, nodding.

“Good” you said, stolen good food tasted even better.

“it’s not like Hange even notices” he said “they’re usually not in the office to actually consume it so I’d send it to you”

You almost smiled at the mental image. Looking at Armin’s side profile, holding an empty bottle of sugar cane liquor, you wondered what really plagued his mind. He was clearly conflicted with something, this entire ‘do something nice for once’ and the lonely drunk session were a familiar scenario to you. Many nights you had spent awake, with a bottle in hand, the guilt eating you away, the voices calling you by the demon you were. 

“I do that sometimes” you began “doing something nice to random strangers“

He looked at you, his clever eyes scanning your face. You wondered if that was a strongly rooted habit of his. 

“I wonder why we do this” he said “it’s not like it changes the bad things we’ve already done”

You agreed silently. No extravagant good deeds would erase the amount of lives you destroyed as a field chemist. 

“A stupid illusion” you said “but somehow we cling to it”

None of you spoke again for a few minutes. As soon as his healing burned all of the alcohol from his bloodstream, he was standing up and moving as if he was never drunk to begin with. You, on the other hand, felt the strongness of the liquor when you stood up and the entire world shifted. He offered his forearm, which you grasped for support, and helped you go down the stairs.

“Can you walk to your personal quarters?” he asked “I can accompany you, if it’s alright, of course!”

“Nah” you said “I’m good” 

He nodded and the two of you parted ways. The cool air of the night was enough to help you sober up a little and you slowly walked back to your dormitory. Your night was turbulent, the alcohol chasing your sleep away, alongside thoughts of blue eyes and sad words in a soft spoken voice. 

“Where were you last night?” Maria asked “I came to bother you and you were not there”

The morning came with a slight headache, you were cursing your past self’s decision to drink. The mess hall was noisy and the food was the usual bland, doing absolutely nothing to help your situation. 

“I had a problem to solve” you quickly replied.

Maria was not convinced and you were in for a long conversation. 

“You look like shit, alcohol type of shit” 

“You’re so perceptive, Maria” you mocked “what would I do without you”

“I’m being serious, you know well how bad you get with alcohol”

“Don’t worry, I am hyper aware of the consequences” you spat.

The next few weeks were uneventful in terms of work, but for some reason you bumped into Armin more often. Sometimes you would pick up supplies and he would be walking nearby, usually with the beautiful woman beside him. He would spare you a discreet nod of acknowledgement, to which you responded. Other times, you saw him at the mess hall, he did not go there often, but at least twice a week he had dinner with his comrades. The mess hall days gave you an opportunity to see him in a less miserable aura, he was even more interesting when relaxed. You wanted an opportunity to talk again, but at the same time you wanted distance, the fear of becoming attached to someone resurfacing every time. 

There was no food coming your way anymore, but one particular night you were about to sit down to start some calculations when a knock was heard on the door. To your surprise, or not really, Armin was there. He had bags under his eyes and a visibly tired body language, contrasting to his freshly showered self. His hair was damp and some shorter strands of his undercut were standing up. 

“Good evening” he said “I hope I did not interrupt your sleep”

“No, I was working” you replied. 

He fell silent for a few seconds, fidgeting with papers between his fingers.

“Um” he started “I hope this is not invasive, but I thought about making you a small list of useful places nearby”

He gave you one of the papers. The paper was thick and smelled of coffee and smoke. Written in black ink, there were herbal shops, fruits and grains markets, clothing and tailoring stores, even bookstores and bath shops. That was indeed very useful.

“I thought that you being new here would make it difficult to find good cheap places to buy your necessities” he continued “and the walls know how the military supplies are not enough or decent”

You could not agree more, the soaps were harsh on your skin and triggered your migraines very often. Some of your clothes needed repair and you were craving fruits after Armin spoiled you with them weeks ago. 

“Honestly, that is indeed useful” you mumbled “thank you, again”

“You’re welcome” he said “and here is a map in case you need” 

He gave you the other piece of paper, an old but still sturdy map. You noticed he had marked with charcoal the shops he listed and also routes from the military base to those places. You could not wait for payment to be delivered that month. 

“This is very kind of you” you said.

You wondered if he was still riddled with guilt, if being helpful to you was all a part of his way to feel better about himself. You could not be upset at this, you knew well how the ill voices inside your head were loud. They broke you day by day, striping you from any form of dignity or connection with the innocent person you once were. 

“Have a good night” he said “If you feel comfortable with it, you can reach for me. When I’m not at the commander’s office, I’m usually at the south building, second floor, communal space”

You nodded and watched as he left, his shoulders slumped. You looked at the paper with his handwriting on it, he took time to think and list them all to you, to track them on the map, to walk all the way to your room and personally give it to you. There were not many people in your life that spared you acts of kindness and Armin was slowly slithering between the cracks of your walls, despite such a short period of time knowing you. You wondered if he was feeling unseen, if the people in his life did not understand him completely, if he had connected to you as much as you felt connected to him. There was something about Armin that pulled you in and, a small part of you, a part you wanted to drown, hoped he felt just as drawn to you. 

[mboylstonsvad-gd]

January 19th, 2023

A greeting feels necessary after such a long break—hello!

99% Invisible's episode #124 called Longbox is a quick listen about the impact that Jeff Gold and R.E.M. had on America's voter registration laws. A director, business executive, designer, author, and many more things, Jeff Gold seems to be constantly looking for innovative solutions to problems on a wide-scale. The longbox, as this episode discusses, was a temporary fix for the music industry's shift from records to CDs and it never truly found its place within retail stores. Paralleled in politics, Rock the Vote was a temporary fix to dissuade people from voting for politicians prone to censorship.

Gold made a decision to put out a call-to-action on the back of R.E.M.'s new album's longbox to give the packaging meaning, and bring attention to a country-wide issue regarding voting. The album Out of Time became a spark for constituents to write in to their congress people and petition for the Motor Voter law to be passed nationally. More than 10,000 letters were written and sent to Congress, where the bill wavered under Bush's administration until it finally passed with Clinton's presidency. The National Voter Registration Act of 1993 was a major turning point in the accessibility of voting registration because it allowed registration to happen alongside procuring a driver's license—within a matter of years, voter registration increased by 10%.

The innovation didn't stop there for Gold though. Once the longbox served its purpose, Gold made a proposal to Warner Bros. to eliminate the need for the longbox entirely. It was a complete plan to overhaul the design of retail stores, making compact discs easier to display. And it worked. The moral of the story is that there is no limit to where design can take you. For Jeff Gold, it led to change in the national political agenda.

Overall, I'm inspired by Gold's ability to devise the unprecedented. The act of placing text on a longbox was not groundbreaking in itself, but the context of using a censored item to combat censorship and impact voting change was revolutionary.

In my own workspace, I developed branding for a color-matching game that I made out of $5. With children in mind, this game called for packaging that reminded me of my youth. However, it also needed to be sustainable. Color-Me Matched! is housed in a tin box which is embossed with the logo, and it includes all the necessary components for the game.

After presenting and receiving feedback, it's clear that the tin box needs to be re-thought and I agree. I went back to my research post-critique and discovered that I was on the right track but the missing element is color. If I moved forward with this project I would re-do the box in a colored, coated metal box like I have shown here.

I'm exhausted, but I'm content with how the first two weeks of this semester went. This is my last full semester so I expect it to be gratifying, intimidating (already is), humbling, exciting, and everything in between. Here's to working hard and most importantly—taking it one task at a time.

Bye for now!

MLB

[oh-my-moomin]

NGE: You Deserve Love

This is an analysis based solely on the og NGE anime series and not the movie or rebirth series so I won’t be mentioning those.

NGE is a psychological horror/apocalypse story dressed up as a mecha. This farce is only totally dropped in the last 2, even 3 episodes. This can make the ending jarring and seem in cohesive, but ultimately my understanding is that none of the ‘plot’ really matters. Seele doesn’t matter, where the angels come from doesn’t really matter, and the final battle doesn’t matter. This is a story exploring loss, the need for connection, loneliness, and humanity. We see this through not only the interactions of the human characters but also through the angels.

THE HUMANS

The Children

A defining trait of all the characters is that they are lonely. The isolation from human connection is brought on both by the high stress apocalypse they all live in, as well as the personal demons they face. The characters all attempt to create bonds with other people, but are held back by their insecurities, fear of vulnerability, and past traumas.

Let’s start with Shinji, as the main character. Having lost his mother at a young age, and being abandoned by this father, he was never able to feel secure. Therefore he takes on a people pleaser attitude, constantly apologizing. His want for validation (particularly from adults in his life) causes him to continue to take action that he doesn't want to, including piloting the EVA. His self hate and insecurity makes it hard for him to make and trust his own choices. So he relies on others to guide him. When this fails, when he doesn't get the love and validation he craves he tries to quite entirely. But this often leads to the people he cares about being hurt. He's trapped between a rock and hard place.

Asuka was also abandoned, however rather than craving support like Shinji, she chooses to live for herself. She craves independence. She needs to know that she is no longer a child that can be hurt and vulnerable. This is largely shown through both her overt sexuality, and her piloting the EVA. She must be in control of the EVA, she must have power, she must be able to prove herself as the best, the strongest. Because inside she still feels like that hurt desperate child, and that is what she hates most about herself. Unlike Shinji, Asuka is brash and rude, and she expects others to give her the same. She barks and expects you to bark back, but can’t always handle it. 

Both of these characters are constantly looking for connection, with both their peers and adults. While Asuka often pushes herself on to people, out of a need to be seen. Shinji cannot take active moves to make meaningful connections, and will shy away from people trying to connect. Asuka hates herself and needs to prove that others love her. Shinji hates himself and cannot imagine that people love him. 

The Adults

One of the running themes in the show is motherhood. Typically it is the mother that is expected to love and care for the child, to raise them, show unconditional love, give unwavering support. None of the characters have had this, Shinji and Asuka search for validation that they lost in adults in different ways. Unfortunately for them, none of the adults present are suitable to be parents. 

The show makes a point to show that the adult characters are all more complex than the children. They have lived longer and therefore had more time to make mistakes, to get stuck in toxic ideals, to ‘be problematic’. They are not concretely good or bad people (mostly), but rather the result of people who grew up in a post apocalyptic world, trying desperately to stop the salvage it, while also trying to make their own connections. Like the child characters, their past traumas make it harder for them to be more open, vulnerable, and weak, to form that human connection. 

I am going to focus on Misato and Ritsuko, since they act as foils when it comes to human connection.

Misato being left as a lone survivor to a terrible accident has left her scared both physically and mentally. Before this she had issues with her parents, as her father seemed to abandon his family in favour of work, leaving her mother devastated. Misato doesn't want to become like her mother, abandoned by a loved one, and she also doesn't want to be her father, a slave to work. To counter this she looks for easy connections, but she never wants to get too close.

When her relationship with Kaji was beginning to feel too real, she began to find flaws. His resemblance to her father was terrifying, so she broke it off. Similarly, when in scenes with Shinji, talking about his insecurities or his want to give up, she is hidden by shadow. She cannot be seen as weak, she cannot offer comfort, she cannot be a mother figure to Shinji. Other ways her searching for easy connection is her drinking beer, or eating take out. She searches for the most basic ways to fulfill her needs, so that she can focus on her main goal of defeating the angels. 

Ritsuko is also desperate to find human connection without vulnerability. By fully closing off the whole world she can have no weakness, something which she resents in Misato. She views herself as above the need for connection in that way, and would rather follow in her mothers foot footsteps as a scientist and a woman. 

She loved and admired her mother, and hated her. She wants to follow in her footsteps but also would hate to fail in the same ways. She saw how her mother failed to actually mother her, and chose to completely reject that part of herself. Instead she cares for cats, and uses those as a surrogate to having a child. She continues her mothers work as a scientist, constantly striving to improve. And when it comes to the ‘woman’ that her mother was, she knew a stubborn woman who focused solely on one man. So Ritsuko also focused on him, to the point of giving up her cat to her grandmother. Both women tried to create an easy connection with him, both felt that they were his equal, and that they found the one connection that mattered. When it was proven to them that they were a second (third) woman this caused them both to break down. For Ritsuko this meant that even though she closed off the whole world, except for one man, she was still too vulnerable. And her only response was to completely shut down. Because she had no one else.

All of the characters are constantly searching for this connection, trying to show affection without getting hurt. Trying to make sense of the end of the world while also making sense of interpersonal relationships. Their own inner demons getting in the way of honest connection. 

Rei

As a clone Rei is a particular case. She is aware that she is not a ‘person’, she isnt meant for human connection. Her isolation is so ingrained into her, planned before she is even ‘born’ so she feels no need to care for anyone except Ikari. She latches onto him, would do anything for him, and has no value in her life because she is aware that she is not real. 

However, she still has a human source, Shinjis mother. A human person, who also needed human connection. Rei, when given the chance, does care for people. Shinji is the first person to see her as a peer, and to treat her with kindness. With this start of forming connections, she begins to feel more human, to develop a further need to connect. Even if it's hard to fully separate from the man who created her.

THE ANGELS

The angels act as a foil to the human need for connection. While all of the human characters are lonely and searching for connection with each other, the angels are also lonely and trying to learn what that even means. 

There is no scene where the angels are working together, they are solitary, all having the same goal of reaching Adam, but incapable of planning together to achieve it. They instead try to create connection to humans, trying to bond and understand them, without knowing that their methods are harmful. 

I believe this can be first seen with the 12th angel. When Shinji is absorbed into the EVA, it is safe to say that the angel was able to understand the merging of human and EVA. This connection allowed Shinji to control the EVA to break free of the angel's shadow. The following month where Shinji is trapped within his EVA, is our first insight into what the human instrumentality project will be like, as well as the goals of the angels. 

Since angels cannot connect to each other, the 15th angel attempts to create connection by forcing itself into Asukas mind. It wants to understand her, her emotions, her thoughts, her connections, her love. For her this is a painful experience, akin to rape. She feels dirtied after it. But the attack is a beam of light, with holy music playing, what should be a calming experience. I believe it is fair to say that the angel cannot understand that it is putting her through pain, as it cannot understand any human experiences. Angels are incapable of understanding their own feelings/experiences/wants, and try to use humans as a study from which they can learn. 

The following angel confronts Rei about her loneliness. Instead of breaking into her mind through light, it directly entered her body. While talking with her, it questioned what loneliness was, trying to understand its own pain and isolation through understanding hers. Its solution is to merge with Rei, as it believes this would solve both problems. 

However, when she refuses, the angel then tries to find another source of connection. Rei cares about Shinji, as both a clone of his mother, and a friend as her own person. The angel can see that this connection is something that she finds precious and tries to take it for itself, as it cannot understand why Shinji wouldn’t feel the same. It cannot understand how complex human connections are, that it cannot simply take Reis form. However, it has learned what pain is, and how to communicate its own pain. As seen when Shinji attacks it. Whether this pain is physical or emotional doesn't matter, because it is the first pain that the angel could express.

The angels discovering what loneliness is acts as a way for the human pilots to begin to explore their own isolation in more depth. For better or worse.

THE FINAL MESSENGER

Our introduction to the final angel is him singing. He takes a human form, can fully communicate to other humans, and doesn’t immediately attack them. This is such a contrast to all other angels that it isn't immediately clear that he even is an angel. Kaworu's first words are (as per the netflix english subtitles)

“Arent songs great? Songs enrich the heart. They're the crowning achievement of Lilin culture” 

He loves humans, human culture, human lives, and the human world. He is the first angel who is able to show this. His ability to understand humans allows him to form human connections, and he does so with Shinji. 

Kaworu loved Shinji. He would seek out Shinji, take time to bond and communicate with him, and help Shinji open up. He wanted to be close with Shinji, and knew how to be gentle in ways that no other human or angel could. He was patient, because he had time. And Shinji was able to open up to him more than with any other character. Shinji  was able to take the initiative to ask to stay with him, to try and form that connection.

All the human characters are struggling with their own demons, with an apocalyptic world. The whole earth is at war and Shinji is in the front lines, surrounded by adults who may want to help him but ultimately can't. Saving everyone is a higher priority to saving one kid, especially when that kid is your strongest soldier. Throughout the series Shinji is given conditional love. It is only when he pilots the EVA, defeats the angels and saves the day that people give him validation. Then comes this boy, who is gentle and kind, who listens. And it's easy, its comfort, its understanding and unconditional love, and its exactly what Shinji has needed for the whole series. 

But as a messenger he could never stay, he's temporary and by the end of the episode he understands this. He still is driven to ‘Adam’, he has a mission, but instead he is confronted with Lilith. Kaworu understands that humans and angels cannot live together in harmony, only one can survive. Both Adam and Litlith were made in god's image, but only Adam could stay in the garden of Eden. Death and Life hold equal value to Kaworu, so he doesn't mind the sacrifice, he would rather die to protect humans, to protect Shinji. He can  also understand that this is difficult, this is murder, this is killing a friend. So he says “thank you” and he waits.

In other episodes when in a battle, Shinji is constantly being yelled at, told what to do, under constant pressure. But here there is just the same patient understanding that Kaworu has always shown him. No rush for him to take action, just time to process and grieve. Because Kaworu knows Shinji will make the hard choice and he waits, and he smiles, and he continues to love Shinji. 

The final angel came down as a messenger and said

“You are important. 

I want to talk to you, to know you. 

You are in pain, you are fragile and should be protected. 

You are worthy of my affection. 

I like you. I love you. I was born just so that I could meet you. 

Our kind cannot survive together, one of us must die. And you deserve to live. 

I will take this burden of death because you deserve a future. 

I am glad I could meet you, thank you. 

I know this is hard, and I know you need time. I will wait.

Thank you.”

That was the last message to humanity.

And because Shinji is human he says back

“We are the same. I love you too. If only one of us could have lived it should have been you. You are better than me. You should have survived.”

[harfanfare]

Pomegranate Rule || Idia Shroud x Reader

Obligatory pair work with someone you like very much on a school project and have a chance to fall for each other more? - cliché.

The difference with Idia was that he kidnapped his project partner.

Idia leaned out from behind the column, whispering words of encouragement and summoning up the plan of this meeting he compiled at yesterday’s evening. He practised this conversation all night in front of the mirror, but as soon as he gained confidence, he forgot the text and desperately searched for the next line in the script.

There was a faint blush on his pale cheeks. Not from the sun, not from the fatigue, but nervousness. He hadn't left his room for someone in a long time, and what he was about to do required from him new social skills...

…to ask you to be his project partner, that’s it.

Ortho stood right next to Idia, leaning out from behind his older brother's silhouette and shifting his gaze once at the courtyard, once at him.

Idia cuffed his fingers on the sleeves of the sweatshirt.

Ortho's presence helped him a lot to keep on the promise he made to himself: today he will actually talk to you not on the phone, but face-to-face and suggest that you could do Sir Crewel’s project together.

He knew that you didn’t have a pair, since Grim went off where he could bug Adeuce combo, and even if he didn’t, you two would be counted as one student. But, to at least make some progress, you were picking up leaves you suspected to be just right for the experiment.

With each bush, you were getting closer and closer to the column behind which Idia was hiding, and he knew that if he won’t hurry with his proposal, someone will enter the square, dispatch the last pieces of Idia's courage and disperse you, and take you away.

For example someone like Epel and Jack, who have just entered the courtyard using the entrance on the opposite side.

This coincidence seemed to Idia to be as unfortunate as if all the forces of the world wanted to stop him from what he was planning and yet to validate his theory that it was not worth ever leave his room. On the other hand, since he was already here, and it took him a good few dozen attempts to motivate himself, he could not lose this unstarted game.

Idia, in an act of desperation, rushed towards you, hoping that the first-graders would not notice you.

You both keel over into the bushes as Jack and Epel headed towards you.

"Jack Howl, Epel Felmier!" Ortho greeted them, distracting all possible attention from the bushes that had just been approached by two people, both unaware of what was going on. "How is your project going? What topic did you choose?”

"Ortho-kun! What are you doing here?” Epel replied, coming closer to the young Shroud.

As Ortho distracted them with a conversation, Idia had an intimidating thought: what would happen if they saw your two in the bushes? He was madly blushing at the scenarios that created in his head. He put his hand on your lips—he was afraid that you would say anything that would attract unwanted attention—he slipped with you through the empty corridors to the dorm of Ignihyde.

…He forgot to explain what he was doing, and it likely looked like him committing a crime, but nothing will happen if he explains everything in his room, right...?

You were able to ask Idia what was he doing, once he closed the doors. Till then, on every question you asked he hissed “Sheesh! Do you want us to be found?!” and “P-please! Let us get to headquarters where I will… explain the mission…”.

Soon enough, you found yourself in his room; electronics was the main source of light, and the screens glowed bright blue around them. Although you didn't see any exposed windows or lamps lit to illuminate the room, everything was clearly visible.

There was a mess there, a mixture of the cardboard disorder that prevails after moving a house and the chaos of a man whose constantly working on something, desk always cluttered with papers, pens and documents.

You were sure you would stand on some lost Lego block or pin if you put your foot behind the bed where Idia has set you down.

“So, Idia,” you started. “…What exactly I am doing in your room?”

"Uh, well...” he stuttered, trying to remember the speech from yesterday's practices. “I wish I would know what you're doing here... I mean- I know why I brought you here. I wanted to ask you something. Ask, yes.”

"Ask? About what?” you didn't mention that you can ask outside of your own room, and you wasn’t going to correct that.

Idia tried to explain the whole situation. He skipped the preparation process, his speeches and ideas, he didn’t even mention the project, so all he said was hard-to-understand, abstract justification from the current situation.

He said, at least, that he came up with the idea to take you somewhere further away, where there were no people, as first-grades entered the courtyard.

“So I'm here by accident?" you asked after listening to Idia, slightly cocking your head at the side. “I don't understand…”

“It was an accident. A bit,” he wanted to loudly groan at his helplessness but finally bit his tongue. “I didn't want you here. I mean, I wanted to, but I didn't plan on it. I mean- Aah, it’s so hard to explain!”

You waited in silence, only nodding, letting him take his time.

"Sorry, I just... I feel weird talking to you...” Idia admitted, lowering his head.

The definition of Idia’s "weirdness" was different from yours.

When you heard that he was calling you strange, you felt a pang in your heart. Really? After so many months of acquaintance and quite frequent texting on the phone, when finally there was one of those few moments when you could talk face-to-face, he says it's awkward?

The "weirdness" of that feeling in Idia was something he could not explain easily: the joy of talking to you, anxiety that he would say something wrong, an uncertainty that you would change your mind and stop talking to him, excitement because he knew how interesting person you are and the frustration for every accurate, teasing comment…

"Oh, I see," you tried not to sound depressing. "So let me leave.”

"No, wait, that's not what I meant..!”

Oh, no. Idia’ plan went downhill again.

Idia jumped to a drawer and started looking for something in it, digging through notebooks, cables and lost items.

“...Don't worry, Idia, we can end this conversation on the phone... or something.”

“No, no, no, wait, please!” discreetly took out a round metal box before he dashed to you, blocking the only way out, heavy equipment surrounding you that now seemed to be an impassable wall.

"Uh?"

He took the hard candy from the container he took from the shelf, though he did it so subtly, forcing himself to stare at you and keep your gaze from tearing away from him, so you couldn’t notice candy in his hand.

They were pomegranate drops that had been presented to him as a funny joke from a student who knew that a box, just like its contents, was enchanted by Vil's unique magic: whoever tasted them will not be able to move more than twenty meters from the place the fruit drop was eaten.

Haha, because you know, the members of Ignihyde don't go outside and won't even notice they were cursed.

Idia was sure that even Vil did not know that the candies had fallen into his hands.

"Huh? What are you-“

As soon as you opened your mouth, Idia pressed fruit drop up to your lips and covered them with his hand, in case you tried to spit it out. His movements became very mechanical and heavy, probably most of his muscles were strained. Because of that, you also couldn't push him away.

He only stepped out of your way you once swallowed the candy.

And so you were bound by a spell that you discovered the moment Idia let you towards the door. You stopped more than a meter from them, unable to even grasp the doorknob.

You swung your hand a few times as if not believing that none of your movements was moving you forward.

“Idia. I know we should talk, but by cutting me off from the door?”

Surprise with this solution, Idia's embarrassed smile, dripping sweat from the stress he felt, and a sudden dose of delicious sugar made you burst into laughter.

“This. Is. Great.” You accented each word, becoming more and more amused with each one as if you had just heard the best joke of the era. “Is it the fault of those drops?”

Idia, surprised by your reaction, finally relaxed. Your sudden, inexplicable outburst, hearty laugh calmed him down a lot. He even came to the conclusion that he really likes the way you laugh.

Ortho soon entered the room. You two shortened the story and explained that you probably have to stay here for the night.

"Oh, so nii-san finally asked you to do a project with him?"

“Project...?” you repeated. Then you turned your head to Idia and smirked at him. “So that was what it was for?”

He answered you with a shrug as if last day Idia didn’t have any thoughts screaming “Project!” and that followed by “[Name]!”.

However, Ortho said it for him.

Idia, of course, tried to stop him, but Ortho knew how much time his brother spent just planning to talk to you. A wave of shame flooded Idia as you listened to Ortho's words with interest. And maybe with a pinch of delight spilling over your heart—Idia did so much for you! You could feel the flush on your face and a smile spread across your lips every time you heard about Idia's efforts.

Soon after, after the excitement of this conversation had died down and you thanked Idia for his planning efforts, a package of cookies and biscuits was opened. You couldn't go to the cafeteria to eat anything, and even ordinary snacks from school vending machines taste better in pleasant company, right?

“We haven't had many opportunities to talk like that, have we?"

You took a sip of the warm tea Idia had made—it was incredibly bitter but chilled enough not to burn your tongue—and watched the screen where Idia was working.

He pushed himself away from writing some codes with some slowness, but he didn't look at you.

“You're right...”

After a pause, he started speaking again, this time in a whisper, but you heard him very clearly.

"I've always admired you, [Name]-shi..." he said, pressing his knees against his chest. “Talking to so many different people and solving their problems... I often find it tedious and self-righteous to interfere in the affairs of others, however…. Everything you do always ends well. I-I couldn't do that.”

“I should be saying it!” You said after a moment of silence as if you were processing words you completely didn't suspect him of. “You deal with electronics like a professional. Wait, you are the professional! How many programming languages have you already mastered? How many devices have you already created? You have a wonderful talent and... even your brother little is proof of it.”

You both looked at Ortho connected to specialized equipment. "CHARGING" was displayed on the screen, and by minutes the numbers were close to 100%.

Idia didn't smile at your words—instead he seemed incredibly focused. With each passing second, he had a more and more sincere expression of pleasant frustration, which was also reflected in his long hair behind which he tried to hide his face.

He couldn't even answer and just nodded.

"And... I have to confess to something," you began after another minute of pleasant silence, which you felt sorry to interrupt. "If you previously seemed quite average to me, maybe even a little pale-faced, now I know that you are special."

These words were already his limit. He couldn't take his eyes off you, forgot how to breathe, forgot how to blink, and his lungs refused to cooperate.

His heart crashed for good after your next words.

"So... if you please," you got up and smiled at him. “Idia Shroud, will you do me this honour and become my project partner?”

"The curse already faded.”

You could reach the door and go to the farthest corners of the room. You could leave.

The project has been completed. With the light help of Ortho, who also wanted to contribute to the project, by two in the morning, you finished doing experiments, writing out data, conclusions and completing them with graphic documentation.

And then you played games for the next three hours; each game was digital and very engaging—it wasn't for Ortho, you and Idia wouldn't fall asleep even for a minute. Even when you went to bed—and there was a whole five-minute debate about where you were going to sleep—you talked in whispers about everything and nothing until one of you fell asleep.

Even if the attachment to Vil's magic was gone, you couldn't deny that you became attached to a certain blue-haired boy who followed the last lines of your conclusions with his golden eyes.

It was really fun.

He and Ortho probably would have done this project faster, but the collaboration of the three—you, Ortho and Idia—seemed so pleasant that if he could, he would do it once again. Even if that meant another research about hyper-difficult projects Crewel liked to torture his students with.

"I will come again," you said as suddenly as if you were reading his mind. He flinched at those words, and your tone of voice changed to a more biting tone. “You don't have to kidnap me this time.”

"I d-didn't..." he tried to deny but was stuck on the next words. “...Really? Will you really come here?”

“Your charm bound me more than candy, I can promise you,” you gave him one last smile before you closed the door behind you and rushed through the corridor with a strange, blissful feeling, looking forward to your next project.

So did he.

[marauderundercover]

Taking Chances Chapter Five: Paris Revealed (Stories/Memories)

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Marinette flinches back as the room erupts in shouting. The younger boy, who was definitely younger than her and yet almost (if not definitely) taller than her, was fiercely glaring while he screamed at Mr. Wayne in….was that Arabic? The man that walked in with him was waving around the knife in his hand while Dick yelled at Mr. Wayne, his face filled with confusion instead of fury. Glancing around for a way out, Marinette makes eye contact with Alfred who nods behind him. Sneaking away from the group of angry men, Marinette follows Alfred into the kitchen and instantly feels at home. And much calmer.

“I’m sorry.” She mumbles, breathing deeply to avoid spiraling again. Alfred simply hands her a cookie before turning around and putting water in a kettle.

“There is no need to apologize, Miss Marinette. It seems Master Bruce has forgotten all sense today and is instead insistent on acting like a fool. It was wrong of him to announce you like that, without preparing you or the boys beforehand. I do hope that his atrocious display of proper manners doesn’t make you want to leave.” Alfred says, and Marinette’s eyebrows shoot upwards. Was he? Was Alfred actually blaming this situation on Mr. Wayne? Was it Mr. Wayne’s fault? Did he not actually hate her? Did he just make a mistake?

“I- what?” Marinette says, unsure of herself.

“You, my dear, are not at fault. Your father didn’t tell any of his sons that you were coming to the manor today, or that you existed in general. And judging by your face, you weren’t prepared for the boys to be here either.” Alfred clarifies.

“Oh. No, I wasn’t. Mr. Wayne just said that he wanted to get to know me, and he knew I wanted to get to know him. I- my birth mother passed away. But my Maman knew her, so I can find out from her how I’m similar to Bridgette. But neither of my parents knew Mr. Wayne, and I just wanted to know if I was like him, I guess. I didn’t even know who he was until two days ago.” Marinette admits.

“As in you found out Bruce Wayne was your birth father two days ago or-” Alfred trails off, waiting for her to clarify.

“Oh no. I found out the name of my birth father awhile ago. It’s just- I really don’t pay attention to celebrities. The only ones I really know are designers. So I didn’t put two and two together, and I didn’t even know about Bruce Wayne and Wayne Enterprises until a few days ago. My friend Adrien made me google him and that’s when I found out about...the boys.” She says, stopping herself from saying her brothers as she was still unsure if Mr. Wayne actually wanted her like he wanted the others.

“Well I’m certain that things will start to calm down shortly. In the meantime, would you care for some tea?” Alfred asks, holding up the kettle. Marinette nods gratefully, trying hard to stop her inner spiral from drowning her.

---

“What do you mean daughter?” Damian snarls, finally switching to English. Bruce blinks at the boy before sighing.

“I mean, you have a biological sister.” He says, tired and wishing he had been able to convince Marinette to go somewhere else. Not that he didn’t want her to meet her siblings. But it definitely wasn’t the laid back first meeting that he wanted.

“You mean half-sister.” Damian spits out, crossing his arms and sticking his nose into the air.

“Shut up, Demon Spawn. She’s our sister, get over it. Where’d the kid come from? Her mom drop her off?” Jason asks, obviously trying to actually understand the situation.

“No. I first met her at the Museum and had my suspicions. She’s in Gotham on a class trip, and before you ask, yes. We had a DNA test done and yes, I am her father.” Bruce says, frowning when he sees Dick’s hurt expression morph into one of excitement.

“Wait, wait, wait! Was she the girl who was sassing the Joker?” He asks quietly, practically buzzing with excitement. When Bruce nods, Dick cheers and runs from the room. Okay then.

“Wait, she met the Joker?” Jason asks, his expression turning dark. Bruce watches his son’s face morph into one of disgust when he puts it together. “She’s the French kid he had at gunpoint, isn’t she?”

“Yes. Which is one of the reasons why we both thought the manor would be a more appropriate meeting place rather than somewhere public.” Bruce says, sighing as Damian once again starts screaming. This was not what he had planned.

---

After just a few minutes with Alfred, Marinette already felt calmer. Calm enough to giggle at another story about something that one of the boys- one of her brothers- did. Calm enough to let her guard down. And mess up.

“If you wanna see something ridiculous, you should look up the 26th time Monsieur Ramier was akumatized into Monsieur Pigeon. He made all the buildings turn into bird cages and all the food turned into bird seed. Luckily it didn’t last long, but seeing the Mayor of Paris stuck inside a giant bird cage was kind of hilarious.” Marinette rambles, giggling at the memory. It was definitely a needed akuma, situated right between two super destructive akumas. Monsieur Pigeon was, while a nuisance, always a breath of fresh air. His akumatized form was brought on by his fierce protectiveness of the pigeons, which luckily never led to death for civilians.

“Pardon me, Miss Marinette, but could I ask what you mean by ‘akumatized’?” Alfred asks, his posture suddenly stiff. Marinette’s eyes widen as she realizes what she just did. She told someone outside of Paris about the situation happening in Paris. Well crap. Normal Parisians didn’t know about the media block that she had set up with the help of the Mayor and Max. But after her calls to the Justice League were ignored, and she realized how disastrous it would be for a member of the League to be akumatized, the media block was the best choice. Time to act clueless.

“Akumatized, as in, a person is possessed by an akuma? Surely you’ve heard of it. It’s been happening in Paris for almost two years.” She says, hoping he doesn’t ask to see any evidence. This isn’t good, this is awful, this-

“And what is an akuma?” Alfred asks. Okay, this isn’t too bad.

“It’s an evil butterfly sent out by the villain, Hawkmoth.” Marinette says, giving out more information than she’s really comfortable with. Okay, time to change the subject, no more questions about heroes or villains or-

“Marinette!” A new voice calls, sliding into the kitchen, almost immediately falling over.

“Master Dick, have you forgotten about your ban on the kitchen?” Alfred asks, his lips quirking up in amusement.

“Awww, Alfred, I just wanted to talk to Marinette. I feel bad for all of us overwhelming her back there.” Dick says with a pout that somehow doesn’t look ridiculous on him. Despite obviously being at least ten years older than her.

“Don’t feel bad. It was just...a lot all at once.” Marinette says with a small smile.

“So I have to ask, are you the one who sassed the Joker at the Museum the other day?” He asks, a wide grin on his face as he sits on one of the stools. Marinette’s eyes widen and she blinks. How?

“Oh, uh, yeah, I guess. It wasn’t a big deal though. He thought I was a Wayne- well, I guess he figured it out before I did- but I think he just wanted to scare my class.” She says, waving her hand to brush off the topic. She really didn’t want to talk about the Joker. Because she was sure it would turn into-

“I apologize for asking, but have you been caught up in the villain attacks in Paris before?” Alfred asks, Marinette instantly panicking. Sure, she’d been caught up in almost every single akuma battle as Ladybug. But there were a few on record where she was targeted as Marinette, and even a few battles that she assisted as Marinette. And then there was Kwami Buster…

“Well, a few. But basically everyone in Paris has dealt with it at some point. That’s just what happens when there’s an attack so often, you know? And my school seems to be a hotspot but that makes sense because teenagers are full of negative emotions and-” Marinette cuts off her rambling, cursing herself on the inside. Great job, Mari. Now they’re going to be worried or they’re going to think you’re a freak or-

“What do you mean negative emotions? Why would that matter?” Dick asks, his previous cheerful smile replaced with a look that clearly meant business.

“That’s how the villain chooses his targets. Negative emotion. If someone is having a bad enough day, he can take control of them and give them powers and basically destroy the city trying to get to Ladybug and Chat Noir, who are our heroes. I only know what’s been posted on official sites like the Ladyblog or miraculousparis.org.” Marinette says, smiling apologetically and hoping that this conversation can be over.

“Have you ever been akumatized?” Dick asks, tension suddenly filling the room.

“No, thankfully. I’ve found ways to manage my negative emotions so that they can’t take me over. I don’t blame anyone who has been akumatized, it’s hard not to be. But, I also don’t think I’d be able to forgive myself if I was akumatized.” Because then her family would be a target. Because Hawkmoth would know her identity. And if Hawkmoth’s insistence on her being akumatized was anything to go on, she’d be a devastating akuma. And if Ladybug wasn’t fighting in the battle….would the cure even work?

“That is a lot of pressure, Miss Marinette.” Alfred says softly after a moment of tense silence. Marinette grins brightly.

“I can handle it, don’t worry!” She says, hoping no one can tell how hard it actually is. How hard it is constantly being strong. Never truly feeling a negative emotion.

---

Bruce winces at the faux cheerfulness in his daughter’s voice. He had only found out about the Paris situation a few days ago, but he was determined to fix it. Find a solution. Do something to help the city and by extension, his daughter. She’d be going back there soon. Back to a city that was being held hostage by an emotional terrorist. Bruce would fix this. He had to.

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[hopeymchope]

Doki Doki Literature Club Plus! final thoughts

I’ve been wanting to talk about my feelings on “Doki Doki Literature Club Plus!” for a while now, but for whatever reason, I’ve been struggling to put them into words. Given my training as a writer, this is pretty embarrassing. So I’m just going to ramble at you. 

There are basically three stories in DDLC+: The main narrative/”campaign,” the side stories (which add up to one continuous story when viewed in sequence), and the meta-narrative of Metaverse Enterprise Solutions. (It’s funny how this release hit in the same year when companies like Facebook and Epic Games started pushing their own definition of the word “metaverse,” but there is no relation between their metaverse and this fictional company.) The Side Stories are unlocked by playing through the main campaign, and progressing through the Side Stories helps you unlock the bulk of the MES story that is provided via email text. 

The main campaign is the game that the Internet fell in love with back in 2017. Because of my personal choices in the game, they successfully tricked me into thinking there was more variation to the story than there really is. In reality, although you can certainly unlock some different blocks of text and different reactions along the way (and in fact, you have to do some save-scumming to unlock all of the CGs and achieve the best ending), it’s mostly a linear narrative. By 2021, a lot of the tricks in this game feel less amazing than they did in 2017, but it’s still a very clever story, and it’s impressive how well-written it is. Even before it takes a hard left turn into existential horror, it manages to establish an endearing main cast.

Mmmm nah, I think you’re always a mess, honey. 

 Everybody is likable here, from our surprisingly snarky MC down to the initially prickly Natsuki. What really grabbed me was how they manage to make it clear that the lead girls are more than just jokey visual novel tropes; they are all, as I’ve previously observed, struggling mentally. That’s true of them from the very start, and it becomes readily apparent by the third and fourth “days” of the game. That depth keeps things emotionally engaging on through to the end, and it pays off even more in the “Side Stories.”

By now, most of the Internet knows who the “secret” main character of the game is. But without stating who that is, I want to say that I never found them creepy? Even when they felt misguided, they were sincerely based in their actions. I never stopped being sympathetic to their plight. Perhaps the hardest part of the game for me was doing what I needed to do to progress into the fourth and final act. 

If I have one complaint about the primary campaign, it’s the way in which the MC is filtered out of it over time. This is never really explained or resolved; he’s just irrelevant and stops being discussed or sharing his thoughts at a certain point without any justification for that fact. You — that is, the player at home — are just left to notice that he’s suddenly not offering any first-person commentary or thoughts any longer... even when other characters seem to still talk to him like normal. He becomes functionally absent without us ever understanding what changed or why, and that doesn’t make sense. 

I hear that. Think I know anybody else IRL who could read or tolerate a visual novel? The struggle is real. 

And as I already referenced, you can unlock a “best ending,” but I’m not sure if it’s really worth it. It barely diverts from the default ending. Oh, and the credits sequence? Dynamite, deeply loved it, super sweet and cool and affecting. 

Okay, so: SIDE STORIES. These were the main selling point of the “Plus!” edition. Players familiar with the original 2017 game now get an entire new narrative that starts out like a prequel but eventually feels more like a parallel universe. And yes, when I say “narrative,” I mean that the Side Stories are — despite their label as plural “stories” — actually a single linear tale that you just happen to view in parts. Furthermore, when taken as a whole, the “Side Stories” are about as long as the main game is. Their presence effectively doubles the game’s length. They even get a unique soundtrack and their own separate credits.

This time, the MC is kept off-screen (although he gets referenced in dialogue) because the focus is on how the girls first met and formed the club. Thanks to the struggles of these girls that were established in the main campaign, I found the experience of watching them open up to one another and face their inner demons together to be emotional and affecting. That moment in the first couple of chapters when Sayori writes those five words on a sheet of paper for Monika to read? Holy shit. I related to that. I felt that. When Natsuki ultimately determines how to deal with her longtime friends? Brutal, but again, totally relatable. It got me feeling that tight, sour sensation in my chest. Writer Dan Salvato proves in these things that he’s completely capable of creating excellent material without relying on the gimmicks that the campaign focused on. This is a story where the only “horrors” are real life, our personal demons, and the ongoing struggle to connect with other people in meaningful ways. Seeing how these characters connected makes the events of the main campaign much more tragic. In short: I love it. 

Heartfelt, heartwarming shit.

If I can step back and remark on both the main game and the “Side Stories” mode for a second... It’s legitimately impressive how both the main campaign’s third act and the overall Side Stories both contain a lot of really good, accurate advice for how to treat people with various mental struggles/illnesses. I can only assume that Dan Salvato did his homework or knew a lot about this stuff firsthand. There is no single solution for how to best help someone in your life cope with a given mental problem, but the suggestions put forth in this game are genuinely very, very constructive. Major respect and kudos for that. 

Okay, let’s get back to the matter at hand. The only thing left for me to discuss is the meta-narrative, the whole thing with Metaverse Enterprise Solutions. By design, this is the shortest story of the trio — it adds up to total nothing more than a few pages of plain text on a white background. It also takes time to unlock each piece of this puzzle, and ultimately, it doesn’t really work IMO. See, this meta-narrative purports to offer insight into the (fictional) developer of the very game you are playing, but it’s too disjointed and out-of-step with the content in the other modes. The emails and logs that make up the meta-narrative are totally disconnected from one another, with each one feeling like a tiny window into a five-way conversation that you’re only seeing a single side of. It doesn’t even work as a meta-narrative for the bigger game because whoever wrote this aspect couldn’t keep their shit right. For example: One of the emails you unlock talks about how/why the MC doesn’t exist within the Side Stories — which is patently untrue! The dialogue makes it clear that he DOES exist! So yeah, although there are some cute details in this part of the thing, they never fall into place to construct a story or even some compelling side notes. They’re just curiosities.

I’m sure many people will never bother to read the unlocked files and notes, etc. Which is no big loss.

In the end, I think it’s clear that I loved this package as a whole. Particularly in regard to how much I adored these characters and their inner struggles. I only wanted to spend even more time with them. 

Guess who made the cover of Famitsu’s October 2021 issue?

It’s interesting to note that just last month, in October of 2021, DDLC finally got its first official Japanese release (the translated version of “Plus!”). I think it’s curious that this game that is so deeply inspired by Japanese visual novels took so long to get over there. If the Famitsu coverage and review are anything to go by, it seems that Japan may love the crap out of this Western-made deconstruction of their homegrown dating sims. And that’s pretty cool.

WARNING: The comments on this post contain spoilers. Just a heads-up.