#I finally found a solution for the first act of this story (which was stopping me to get started)

[boxboysandotherwhump]

I polished an old piece of mine, trying to get into creating stuff again :3

[sihedwu]

Crystal Theory: The Binding, The One, and Everything

Alright everyone, the time has finally come to step onto the slippery slope and delve into the depths of uncertainty and various interpretations. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Today we’re gonna break down the Crystals and everything connected to them. We’ll even talk about the Medulla Crystal, by the way.

Crawling through the tag, I see you guys like to tell each other scary stories, like the Medulla Crystal is made of - get this! - actual BRAIN. Talk about nightmare fuel! >:D

Also, while lurking on a foreign website, I stumbled upon a really interesting take that the Aerrow and Piper duo were destined to be, like, the messiahs in our favorite show (hey there, I know you’re reading this >:D).

But to me, there’s something missing in all of this, like we’re seeing everything but still missing something super important. And now we’re gonna try to figure out what exactly that important thing could have eluded us. Let’s go.

Review of Hints

So, if you’ve been paying attention to the show, you’re probably aware of all the basics, such as, for example, that crystals can possibly be manufactured (episode “The Masked Masher”). But that’s not enough, we need new information. Let’s try to extract it from the hints that Mr. Asaph Fipke so kindly provided us. Let’s review them.

Our first stop is the episode “The Black Gorge”. Let’s remember the plot: our heroes decided to fly over the Black Gorge, but “something” sucked the energy out of their crystals and they fell down. But Piper found a solution:

She launched the Condor using this crystal, since the Black Gorge doesn’t affect it for some reason. Let’s remember this, it’ll come in handy.

Our next stop is the episode “Storm Warning”. Again, let’s remember the plot: the heroes stole a box of Leech Crystals, which steal energy, from the Cyclonians, and they discharged the Condor’s crystals. However, Piper again saved the situation by telling Stork to get rid of the crystals.

As we can see, as soon as Stork put the crystals in the isolator, the energy miraculously fully restored, and the Condor was able to take off. Let’s remember this and move on.

Our next stop is in the episode “The Lesson”. Let’s carefully watch what Arygyn will do now:

Let’s not get stuck on it, let’s remember it and move on.

Now let’s take a closer look at the episode “Five Days”. This time, there’s not much to comment on, it’s enough just to see it once:

Someone sees a glimmer of kindness in our beloved Master Cyclonis in this scene, while others quite reasonably ask: “who made that picture?” For us, it’s important that a photo can be stored in a crystal. Let’s remember this.

Our last stop is in the episode “The Key”. In this episode, we are introduced to the Binding.

We won’t dwell on them too much, just note that the abilities transferred through them are very reminiscent of the properties of some crystals. Let’s remember this and move on to the next step.

Fundamental Principle of How Crystals Work

So, let’s write down what we learned:

The Black Gorge somehow absorbs the energy of crystals, but does not affect the Solaris Crystal

If you drain the energy from crystals, and then remove the absorber, the energy of the crystals is immediately restored

Arygyn can turn off a crystal

Photos can be stored in crystals

Some abilities transmitted through Binding resemble the abilities of crystals

The inputs have been received. Now we can try to interpret them. I propose to do this with the following three postulates:

Postulate One: Information Can Be Stored in Crystals

This postulate is probably obvious, but its significance is far from obvious. For now, let’s focus on the fact that, in addition to photos, it should be possible to store, for example, a control program for a Suit of Untold Vengeance in a crystal.

Judging by the fact that the Medulla Crystal affects the user, we can assume that it is controlled using a neuro-interface, and the Medulla Crystal acts as a kind of “intermediary.” But that’s not important to us. Let’s move on to the next postulate:

Postulate Two: All Crystals, Without Exception, are Energy Receivers

Even the Solaris Crystal. It may sound crazy, but this assumption is fully consistent with what we see. If crystals receive energy from somewhere outside, then the miraculous restoration of energy after Stork hid the box in the isolator requires no explanation, and turning off in the Black Gorge can be compared to losing signal on a cell phone when you are outside the coverage area. However, the Solaris Crystal is still incomprehensible, as is the scene with Arygyn, so let’s move on to the final postulate:

Postulate Three: Binding is a Channel Through Which Crystals Receive Energy

So, the last postulate is quite straightforward. The scene with Arygyn should now become a little clearer, but the Solaris Crystal still requires explanation. Apparently, crystals are constantly and continuously in Binding, otherwise they would have turned off in the Black Gorge once and for all, as Arygyn seems to have done. However, in this case, we will have to assume that the analogy with cellular communication is not entirely correct, and in the “poor coverage area” the Binding simply weaken, but do not disappear completely. Weakening, they cannot provide the Condor’s take-off and the operation of the main systems, but are still able to maintain the Solaris Crystal in working order. The function of the Solaris Crystal is to accumulate solar energy; to store it, it uses the energy received from Binding. Most likely, there is not enough energy in one crystal to lift the Condor into the air, so the following explanation suggests itself: with the help of the energy accumulated by the Solaris Crystal, you can “strengthen” the weakened Binding. Apparently, this is exactly what Piper meant; in any case, this seems like a plausible explanation.

Binding and Information

According to the third postulate, this technique should be perceived as a temporary transformation of the user into a crystal. How exactly such a transformation occurs, I, unfortunately or fortunately, do not want to and will not explain, so let’s immediately move on to “unique” crystals, for example, this one:

According to the first postulate, to make this artifact, we need to record a “spell” - let’s call it that so as not to drown in the wilderness - of transforming an object into cheese in the crystal. This example is indicative, but other “unusual” crystals work in a similar way. We won’t dwell on them, let’s move on to the next point.

Source of energy

So, we assumed that crystals receive energy from somewhere outside. This entails the assumption that somewhere on Atmos there must be a source of energy for all crystals without exception. Drawing an analogy with cellular communication and, in principle, with radio waves, it is quite logical to assume that the source of all crystalline energy should resemble the TV towers and antennas familiar to us. Following this logic, the purpose of this structure becomes quite transparent:

Somewhere at this moment, an image of an incredibly advanced civilization may arise in your head, possibly reaching or very close to type 1 on the Kardashev scale, which built this transmitter to meet its energy needs. However, despite the fact that this conclusion seems logical, there are no explicit indications in the canon that this is the source of energy. With the same probability, it may be, for example, the core of the planet, and then the image of an incredibly advanced civilization will have to be seriously revised, and the purpose of this structure will remain a mystery. But whatever the source turns out to be in the end, our assumption leads us to a problem that we will now try to solve.

The One

In the episode “Origins”, this character claims that Piper is “the One”. The meaning of his words remains very, very vague to this day, but now we can try to assume what is behind them. First, you should ask an important question: since we assume that all crystalline energy is transmitted through Binding, then why are crystals needed at all on Atmos? You can just train “crystal mages” who will use Binding with the energy source, and no one will know grief. And so it turns out that this statement fits very conveniently into the picture of the world that we have just outlined. Thanks to it, we can assume that not just anyone is able to use Binding directly with the energy source, which is why they need crystals in order to be able to use this energy at all. Thus, I propose the following interpretation of these words: Piper is the primary crystal mage, that is, able to use Binding directly with the energy source. Master Cyclonis, in this case, will be a secondary crystal mage, that is, able to use Binding with crystals already connected to the source, but not directly to it. I believe this explanation is exhaustive, so we can move on to the final part of this analysis.

Piper’s Illness

Well, the moment has come to try to jump above our heads and stretch the facts to make our interpretations work on Atmos. Based on the third postulate, her illness can be explained as follows: Binding themselves are harmful to health, and their constant use will inevitably lead the user to such an outcome. However, Piper did not use Binding for 6 weeks and still got sick, and Cyclonis uses it like there’s no tomorrow and nothing happens to her from this. It is impossible to explain this just like that; we need a new entity. In order not to be completely unfounded, let’s try to derive it from these scenes:

We see that as soon as this aura covered Piper, she immediately felt better, and that Cyclonis clearly knows something that Piper doesn’t know (and doesn’t want to tell us). In order not to go beyond the third postulate, we will have to assume that secondary crystal mages, passing crystalline energy through themselves, cannot fully control it. Even after interrupting Binding, a residual charge remains in them, which, if not removed, will sooner or later bring any crystal mage to this state. Thus, I assume that Cyclonis, unlike Piper, knew that deactivation was needed to work with Binding. And in our case, Leech Crystals can act as deactivators. As for Piper’s healing, in that case we will have to assume that at this moment she used Binding directly with the energy source, thereby removing the residual charge. It sounds very doubtful, but there seems to be no better option…

So, I don’t think I’ve forgotten anything. If you’ve read this far and haven’t died of boredom, then congratulations. I do not claim to be the ultimate truth, just thoughts out loud.

Thank you all for your attention, bye.

[anika-kanroji16]

Zenitsu vs Stark and How I disagree

I do agree with some of his points, but I think he's WRONG when it comes to Zenitsu in several different ways

1: Zenitsu "Not facing his fears": You say Zenitsu never faces his fears of demons, but he is very much wrong and incorrect regarding this statement. Zenitsu faces his fears many times in the series, he mentions him protecting Nezuko from Inosuke despite his fear cause it was important to Tanjiro, but he's acting like that the ONLY TIME Zenitsu has faced his fear of demons. There are multiple times when Zenitsu is brave enough to face his fear of demons, despite his fear, he just refuses to acknowledge any of them.

"Outside that scene Zenitsu constantly avoids facing those fears."

Well that a fucking lie, Like I said Zenitsu faces his fears many times in the series besides from protecting the box from Inosuke, He also protected a little girl from Daki despite being afraid , Face his fear again by facing with Kaigaku the one which is responbile for his gramps death and fought him while awake, Entered the fight wth the most powerful demon alive aka Muzan dispute knowing there's a possibitly that he could die.

He went from scardey cat to a hero whhc save people and protect others dispite is fear.

"Zenitsu's solution is frustrating cause he should be gaining confidence as he fights stronger demons and enemies"

This is point that I would agree IF he isn't gaining confidence throught out the series. But Zenitsu does gain confidence throught the series and over time Zenitsu doesn't even use his sleeping method at all. Like example when Zenitsu was comforting the little girl realized that Uppermoon 6 aka Daki is behind them

He was very much afraid at first but then he gained confidence to protect the little girl against Daki once Daki started to physically hurting her and almost rip her ear off.

This is an example of Zenitsu facing his fears of demons and buliding confidence.

Another example of Zenitsu buliding confidence is the Hashira Training Arc once he found out that Gramps killing himself because of Kaigaku's transformation he continues buliding his confidence even futher ; for him to win against Kaigaku.

Then there's the fact that when he came to face Kaigaku, Zenitsu as not afraid anymore but confident in his ablities that he can win and even so confident enough to talk shit about him, he even beat and won while being awake and using his sleeping method.

He's even confident to enough to fight in the battle of Muzan for crying out loud while being awake.

So to say he ain't gaining confidence through out the series is a lie. It's thanks to Zenitsu's first act of bravey in the story that Zenitsu had enough confidence to stand up to Daki and defend the child, then thanks to those acts of bravey he continues buliding his confidence through out the Hashira Training Arc then thanks to those three things Zenitsu had enough confidence in him to stand up against Kaigaku and finally thanks to all of that Muzan himself.

You can't just sit there and say Zenitsu had no growth when his growth is unfolding RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. Again He did eventually stop using his abilty of passing out to fight and faces his fear. More especially the Zenitsu vs Kaigaku fight and During the Battle of Muzan. Once again there are times that he doesn't pass out and faces his fear like for example Zenitsu vs Kaigaku fight, During the Battle of Muzan, Protecting the box from Inosuke and Standing up to Daki aka Uppermoon 6.

And I aint repeating myself again Zenitsu goes GROW AND DEVELOP AND LEARNS TO GAIN CONFIDENCE IN HIMSELF YOU [If he ever see this] JUST REFUSE TO ADMIT. I get it Stark is a great example of having low self estasime and having fear and facing said fear but you can't just shit there and say Zenitsu doesn't faces his fear and doesn't learn to be confident in himself. BECAUSE HE DOES DO ALL THOSE THINGS for maybe don't be so blind AND SEE WHAT'S IN FRONT OF YOU.

[roseapov]

Freedom of choice

Venti/Barbatos x GN!Reader

The warning: Mentions of obsession, imprisioning in a sleep, manipulation, use of divine powers

Spoilers to Mondstadt Main Story

Povtober 2023, Day 8 [Masterlist]

Barbatos first met you, when Dvalin was corrupted by the Abyss. He was searching for his dragon friend to help him, when he saw another person, you. You were tending to dragons wounds and he seemed totally calm around you, unlike for the others where he acted hostile.

It immediately picked his interest, as he chose to hide and observe you for a little longer. He felt an invisible force drawing him to you, yet he decided to ignore it, to watch you longer whilst ignoring the painful sting in his heart.

When you entered the city for the first time, he planned your meeting to be as charming as possible, to lure you in and tell him all your secrets. The white pigeons surrounded him whilst he played his lyre, under a big statue of the Anemo Archon - Barbatos.

He instantly caught your eye, and he seemed to brighten even more for his crowd. After his performance he didn't wait for any applause like usual, but instead went straight to you.

You were so.. you, he never met someone like you before, so please, let him write a poem for you.

He quickly got charmed by you, firstly as a Barbatos and secondly as Venti.

Yet, he never told you about his feelings, no no, he wouldn't dare to. What if you would feel pressured to answer him and say yes, but don't even mean it? He can't have that, as a God of Freedom it's against his principles. That's why he found another solution.

As fast as he barged into your life, then as fast he made himself comfortable and at home, right by your side. You also couldn't help but start to feel comfortable around that goofy bard, which led you to trust him with all your heart, as he became your safe space.

But once you fell asleep on his lap, it was over. He wouldn't pressure you into doing anything, and yet he still created an alternative reality for you. A cage with the illusion of freedom, BUT it still had freedom, so everything was fine for him.

A reality, where you could do whatever you want, without the risk of being in danger. Despite the other people acting weird to you, you never really questioned it as Venti was always by your side, travelling the world with you, averting your attention from everyone else.

You never got bothered by your fuzzy memories, not when you have a companion who can make you feel better in an instant.

He never told you, yet he used his divine powers to stop your time, and took your consciousness into a place that never met the threats of the time.

When you finally fell in love with him, and was willing to stay with him forever only then he ended the sleep, but in a way that you never knew you were in a sleep at all.

He manipulated you and the situation into making you believe that yesterday you confessed to him in the Stormterror's lair, and he graciously accepted it. You both were on your way home, and this is where playing with this fake reality ended.

When you woke up in your bed in the next morning, you were in a real world again, but it's not like you knew about it anyway.

Venti looked just the same as 'yesterday', but why did everyone else look much older? Did you missed something? Why does the Mondstadt look different? You didn't know, but thinking about it was giving you deadly migraines.

Your new lover was now happily comforting and massaging you, knowing that you chose him from everyone else with your own freedom of choice.

He's so glad you decided to offer him all your freedom, to him, to your God. Oh you didn't? Not yet then.

What was he mumbling about? Oh, don't mind it, it wasn't important anyway.

First fic with Genshin Impact characters in Povtober 2023 AND in total. That's a great feat Venti💚 It was really hard to find his pic that would show his personality as both Venti and Barbatos, but I think I managed it well💚 If this work have any grammar mistakes, I'm going to fix them this weekend, See you soon 🔜

~roseapov

[lulu-recs]

the cadence of part-time poets by motswolo

“they’re… chaos,” remus said firmly. “and chaos is—”

“rock and roll.”

he looked at sirius sharply, and for once, matched his grin. “yeah.”

“maybe that’s my excuse then,” sirius said. “I cause a bit of chaos now, and maybe one day, it’ll turn into rock and roll.”

after losing his mother at age eleven, remus has spent the better part of the last four years bouncing from school to school or else running around london and pretending as though he wasn't the kind of well-bred boy his father brought him up to be. now, with his chances all run out, remus is sent to hawkings independent school as a last-ditch effort to clean up his act. there he meets the very people who will set up the rest of his life, and is forced to confront the pieces of himself he'd long thought had been lost.

cadence: the b-sides by motswolo

a selection of individual chapters written from the POVs of other characters featured within "the cadence of part-time poets".

all true affection by orphan_account

professional cuddling? how was that a thing? well remus lupin is about to find out first-hand when his best mate, peter, gives him three hours credit at stag an doe cuddling institute. after perusing the list of cuddlers, he queries Sirius Black. not sure what to expect, remus steps into a world far outside his comfort zone.

finally found my hallelujah by orphan_account

remus lupin had always been good at sorting out dates and special occasions for people, which is why his best friend and quidditch star, james potter, talked him into wedding planning once they left hogwarts. he lived a solitary, but happy life. that is, until king slytherin, sirius black, strolls into his office and asks for help planning his arranged marriage. remus lupin is nothing if not a professional, but it's not easy when the groom-to-be was the man remus had been fantasising about since fifth year.

my poor heart will only surrender by remy_writes5

remus wasn't expecting much from a night out at the club with his best friend, lily. he certainly wasn't expecting sirius black.

quarter life crisis by captainevilpants

remus is straight, sirius is gay and that's the gospel truth.

that is, until remus walks in on sirius snogging his new boyfriend on their couch and remus starts to feel...weird. desperate to figure out a way to stop feeling so goddamn angry anytime gideon comes within five feet of sirius, remus goes to james and lily for advice. james and lily, in their infinite wisdom, patiently and systematically explain that what remus is feeling is not internalized homophobia, but jealousy.

in the end, it turns out remus doesn't have any issues with sirius kissing guys if it's him he's kissing.

you don't understand me by wilteddaisy (taotu)

“okay, sorry, I know this is completely off-topic and I’m interrupting a conversation I haven’t been listening to for the past five minutes — but I would totally fuck sirius black.”

jealous by Islabubbles4

remus struggles with his feelings for sirius, so james offers an idiotic solution. basically a standard fake relationship with a twist.

primavera by lunchbucket + rococo [ sequel ]

sirius never had an interest in art, not until he found the right person to show it to him, that is.

the story by jupitersky ♡

inspired by spooke's beautiful fame au art. american muggle au.

remus is asked to join some friends for a concert. some new artist to the music scene, no one he'd ever heard of before. when the singer starts their first song his whole world narrows to that moment. he hadn't heard that voice in seven years.

sirius finally got his big break and now he's on tour. tonight is the first time back in boston since his parents moved them away when he was seventeen. it's bringing back a lot of memories as he looks out over his audience. hoping to find a face he knows won't be there.

"just wait and see. it's not the end of the story.”

drenched in you, chanting your name by gardenoflupins

remus and sirius live together peacefully as friends. when remus has his heats, sirius goes out of town until it’s over and vice versa. sirius returns home to find that remus’s heat has lasted longer than expected and needs to resist remus’s pleas along with his own urge to fuck him senselessly.

for my impertinence by synonomy ♡

after two years of avoiding marriage by sabotaging his parents’ matchmaking attempts, sirius’ luck finally runs out. at the end of their rope, they offer him one last choice: marry the lupin boy, or be cast out onto the street.

a regency au with a/b/o dynamics.

as we’ve always been by synonomy

they had always said they wouldn’t let anything get in the way of their friendship. that it didn’t matter what any of them presented as; they would find a way to deal with it.

but now there was an annoying little voice in the back of sirius’ mind, telling him they had been horribly naïve. could they really expect things to remain the same now they knew how good remus could smell?

blind and deaf by cocomouse ♡

remus doesn't do blind dates. they must be the worst possible social situation humankind has ever invented: two strangers some people have decided that maybe they should get in a committed relationship. you have two hours.

so no, he wouldn't touch that with a ten yard stick, not if he can help it.

but he knows better than to try and argue with lily, so, here he is.

stray dogs by msalexwp ♡

harry potter has been begging his godfather and guardian, sirius black, for a puppy, but the one they adopt comes with a condition: they have to make regular visits to the family who adopted his brother. luckily (or unluckily) for sirius, the puppy's brother was adopted by a handsome, golden-haired stranger named remus lupin and his son, teddy.

thank you to the wolfstar microfics account on tumblr for the prompt, "dog days," which sparked the idea for this fluffy little tale.

[imperatorcaesaraugustus]

Jahaerys, Rhaenys, Aegon, and Cole: The Brutality of War

(this is one section of my House of the Dragon Season 2 Review)

Like the other sections of this review, I have named this one after the principal characters discussed. This section, however, is in truth less a discussion of certain characters and more a discussion of certain events. Here we will analyze the consequences of the defining incidents of the beginning and middle of the season: Blood and Cheese and Rook’s Rest.

            The Blood and Cheese incident is the name given in the book to the murder of Aegon’s son, Jahaerys. Daemon, seeking retribution for the death of Luke at the end of last season, travels to King’s Landing to speak with a guard of the city watch and a ratcatcher of the Red Keep. He hires them to sneak into the Red Keep and kill Prince Aemond, but he does not give clear instructions on what to do if Aemond cannot be found. So long as blood is spilled, any blood will do. And so the two assassins, after encountering a series of obstacles and disruptions to their plan, finally stumble upon Helaena and her children, the twins Jahaerys and Jahaera. They decide that killing Jahaerys would be the best way for them to achieve their goal, a son for a son. After a moment of confusion, Helaena tells them which child is which, and they cut Jahaerys’ head off.

            The death of Jahaerys ripples out among the members of the Green faction. Aegon is driven to fury, desperate to exact revenge against Rhaenyra for what has been done to his family. Criston Cole is also motivated to act, but out of guilt. He was with Alicent when the incident occurred and therefore could not prevent it, but he cannot admit this fact, so he projects this onto Ser Arryk, sending him on an assassination mission to Dragonstone. Aegon promotes Cole to Hand of the King for this, dismissing Otto who is pushing for a more measured response, and thus his grief leads to the inevitability of greater bloodshed and the death of the possibility of more diplomatic solutions. Ser Arryk, for his part, is spotted by Ser Erryk, and so brother kills brother in an act of tragic violence that produces no greater ends. Helaena, meanwhile, says to Alicent that she does not feel as though she can grieve Jahaerys since so many others are also suffering in this war. She is correct in her understanding that everyone in the city is a victim of the war, just as Alicent is correct in saying that Helaena still has the right to grieve. When Rhaenyra first meets with Alicent this season, the death of Jahaerys is a major reason why they are unable to stop the war.

            The second event I want to discuss is the Battle of Rook’s Rest. In this battle, Cole and Aemond conspire to set a trap for the Black faction. They attack the seat of a member of Rhaenyra’s council in the open, hoping that a dragon will come to lift the siege. When one does, Aemond will attack with Vhagar. The plan starts off successful, with Rhaenys arriving on her dragon Melys, but before the trap is sprung Aegon shows up on his dragon Sunfyre. In the end, many die, including Rhaenys, and Aegon is left horribly burned.

            Rhaenys’ death is deeply felt among the Black faction. Rhaenyra looses her most capable dragonrider and one of the only members of her council who does not constantly doubt her, but more relevantly to the theme we are focusing on in this section, Corlys mourns her loss deeply. He questions his support of Rhaenyra, having already lost his daughter and, he believes, his son. In his eyes, the connection to Daemon and Rhaenyra has cost him his entire family. He begins to consider the future of his house in this difficult time, asking Baela to be his heir, but she turns him down. She is a Targaryen, not a Velaryon, eager to follow in the footsteps of her grandmother. Through this war, even one of the most powerful houses in the

            Aegon’s story after Rook’s Rest is the story of a discarded veteran. Before the battle, he was eager to fight, wanting to contribute to the war. Afterward, he is told by Larys upon waking that he will forever be remembered as someone who survived dragonfire, but materially he has been pushed aside, his throne taken from under him by the brother who burned him. The only one who seems not to forget him is Larys, who understands what it means to exist as a disabled person in the society of Westeros. Larys informs Aegon of the harsh reality of what his new life will be, consistently pushing him to improve faster so he may survive in an uncaring world.

            It is through Cole that we see the effect of battles such as Rook’s Rest on the common people. Cole is deeply traumatized by the destruction he witnesses, men burned to death and left as suits of armor filled with ash. He begins the season eager for war, doubling down once Jahaerys dies and he is made hand. After, he is unable to think of anything but the agonizing death that awaits so many when dragons are led into war.

            The question now is whether or not these stories and this theme worked in the show. Let us start with Blood and Cheese. I did not like Blood and Cheese, but my disappointment largely comes from comparing it to the book, and I want to try and examine the show on its own merits here. The beheading of Jahaerys was a truly horrific act, and it does serve to highlight how the cycle of revenge and the decent into war causes the death of innocents. But I do feel the gravity of the moment was somewhat undercut by the comedy of errors that was the infiltration of the Red Keep. One could read it as being part of a broader theme of poorly thought-out actions having serious consequences, in line with the death of Luke at the end of last season, but I just don’t think it really lands here. Helaena’s reaction to the death of her son, both in the moment and afterwards, seems to have been a matter of controversy among some fans. She shows very little outward reaction and later says that she does not feel like she can grieve. I personally had no issue with the immediate reaction, it seemed very clear to me that she was shutting down in response to the event, clearly traumatized even if she was not crying and wailing. As for her later statement, I read it at the time as Helaena not allowing herself to grieve rather than genuinely feeling no grief, but that is admittedly a charitable reading and I don’t know that her later scenes really supported that interpretation. The battle between the Cargyll twins was excellent, however, and solidly supported this theme with how tragic and ultimately pointless it was.

            In contrast to Blood and Cheese, I thought the actual event of Rook’s Rest was very well done, displaying not just incredible spectacle but also showcasing the horrors of war. As for the aftermath, each story supports the theme in a different way. Rhaenys dies, leaving behind a void that cannot truly be filled. Baela is inspired to follow in her footsteps, showing the ways in which the drive for war spreads and ensnares further generations, an ever-descending spiral of tragedy and revenge, while Corlys is left alone, his whole family lost to Rhaenyra’s war. Aegon lives but is physically disabled. He is given credit for the victory and for the death of Rhaenys and Melys, and Larys tells him that he will be forever remembered for the extraordinary feat of surviving dragonfire, but these platitudes do not change the position he is in. He has been discarded, left in his bed while his brother rules the kingdom. If he were to become to inconvenient to Aemond, he would be killed. The Grand Maester works to heal him, but it is Larys and only Larys who understands him. Finally, Cole is physically unharmed, but mentally he has been scarred by the battle. The things he has seen, things that he himself helped bring about, haunt him. Of everyone, Cole’s post-battle story epitomizes this theme the most strongly, though I think of them all Aegon’s story is the best done and one of the strongest in the entire show. It does stand out to me having written this that this particular theme is shown with the Greens far more than the Blacks, but I think that may just be an accident of where we are in the story, and we cannot forget that the season begins with the reaction to the death of Luke. Neither side is devoid of loss, and both will experience more, for that is the inevitable consequence of war.

[fennelrabbit]

Now that people have had time to watch and think about the miniseries, can we agree that Fionna and Cake was really bad, or at least disappointing?

I'm very happy to hear some different opinions if anyone wants to try and change my mind, but now I've had some time to digest what I watched, I can still say my bad feelings on the episodes are exactly the same.

I haven't been able to mention Fionna and Cake's characterisation much, so I'll try and make a bulleted list (read more)

° Cake didn't grow or have to change at all during the miniseries. She was selfish and never had to face any consequences for her choices. Her relationship with Fionna is not wholesome and friendly like Jake is to Finn, but more parasitic. Fionna does things for Cake, and in return Cake doesn't abandon her. Cake still helps Fionna in fights and doesn't want her to get hurt, however Cake doesn't really appreciate Fionna and all that she does for her.

It's particularly bad that Cake isn't very bothered by the fact that the trade-in for a magical world is Simon's sanity, which is another moment of selfishness. This scene is never addressed later, which unintentionally implies that if someone isn't benefitting Cake, she doesn't want to care about them anymore.

° Fionna was also poorly handled. Although the show tries to say that it won't treat Fionna in a sexist way by swapping her skirt for shorts, a large part of Fionna's story still revolves around romance and her relationships with men (platonic or romantic). In fact, there's a pretty substantial lack of female characters (barring Fionna) that have any stage presence or do anything meaningful in the story. The episode with apocalypse PB and Marcy was a refreshing addition, with an interesting conflict between the two women, but it's a shame that they couldn't be included in the larger conflict, as characters can jump across the universe and the story would've really benefitted from their inclusion.

Fionna's character started pretty strongly, introducing her boredom and apathy towards her life (that being a capitalist nightmare of endless job hunting just to pay for rent), but didn't do enough to develop this plotline. It's true that having Fionna stay in Ooo wouldn't push her to grow as a person - Fionna needs to find a way to find happiness in the life that she's given.

However, much like Simon was sent back to his shitty life and basically ordered by the narrative to 'get over it' and 'stop being sad', nothing changes in Fionna's original world. Fionna is sent back to the same old world, with the same old problems, and nothing is really resolved. No solutions are presented to Fionna inside of FionnaWorld, even though her situation is very difficult and not something that can just be fixed with 'life's not so bad'. Fionna should've found a way to experience the thrill of adventure in her world, in a way that wouldn't endanger everyone around her.

° Bringing the farmworld characters to FionnaWorld in the end was a total cop-out, and should've resulted in damaging the multiverse. They did not need to be there.

° Fionna and Cake causing things to glitch around them (damaging the multiverse???) was never resolved or followed up on after Act 1. It's like the story forgot that plot point, which really lowered the stakes.

° Scarab was a weak villain. Though his first episode had a strong introduction, he was very undeveloped, and came across as more of a comedic pest than an actual threat. The final fight between Fionna and Scarab were laughably boring, and I never felt like the characters were in danger at all. One of the weakest finales the show's ever done.

° Rip to Betty, folks. You'd think we'd finally get some backstory on her character beyond being "Simon's gf/love interest", but no. We know she has a mum, I guess? And that she's impulsive. Betty has officially been fridged by the narrative THREE TIMES, and will now forever remain as Simon's dead/absent girlfriend. This is very sad, and not to mention, very anti feminist. We will never know who Betty is outside of Simon.

(She doesn't even get to have a real conversation with Simon as Golbetty. She has a couple of sentences, and then gets on the stupid bus. Betty literally has no voice in the story).

°The dialogue was very weak. I don't have much to say here really, the dialogue was just very basic and badly paced. Subtext doesn't exist in this story. At some point, one of Finn's children literally blurts out that their dead mum made their soup. Very subtle exposition, guys.

° I don't like how Fionna and Cake treated Simon at all. The entire time they were both self centered and very annoying, and their relationship with Simon wasn't developed that much. When Simon described Fionna and Cake as his "friends", it wasn't believable in the slightest. They have no chemistry or real connection as a group.

Well, that's all I could remember for now.

Anyway, feel happy to share your thoughts Adventure Time fans, I'd be happy to hear it!

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for having impure thoughts and insulting God?

i (18F) am a devout christian, and have always maintained a dedication to save myself for marriage. unfortunately, i’ve recently begun having… impure thoughts… which i believe have been invoked by our school’s star football player (18M) who i’ll call J (not the Big J though!)

now, J is highly feared by a lot of kids at school. he’s very violent and frequently bullies kids he considers nerdy prudes. i overheard a group of nerds discussing wanting to get back at him, so naturally i got involved and took the lead

our plan was, we lure him to an abandoned house and jump out at him dressed as ghosts, filming it to show to the whole school how embarrassingly scared he got

of course, given how violent and aggressive he was, he opted to instead try to fight the ghosts, endangering some of the nerds. we put it to a stop and revealed ourselves before anyone could get hurt, and he was surprisingly delighted by our surprise for him

unfortunately. the floor he was standing on collapsed, sending him down three stories, wear he was impaled on wood. we rushed to him, and with his final breaths he swore revenge

now, everyone was obviously freaking out, so i decided to be the reasonable one. i told everyone we needed to get rid of the body. there was too much evidence that would suggest we lured him here with the intent to kill him, so chopping him up into pieces and hiding him beneath the floorboards seemed like the most logical solution

honestly i was really relieved he died. my impure thoughts went away after his death so clearly this was an act of god. J deserved to die or else he wouldn’t have died, simple as that

two months passed, and our school greatly improved now that J was gone. everyone got along great!

until one of the nerds who helped with the plan got killed, a note written in blood left at the crime scene. J’s last words

even worse, though, was the fact that the police discovered J’s body and an investigation had been opened up

i came up with a plan to cover our tracks by going to the police station and attempting to frame our rival town for the murder, but the police had already gained a lot of evidence that i was there at the crime scene (having found my WWJD bracelet at the scene of the crime)

i explained to the police that J’s death was an act of god, and in my rage i…….. well im very ashamed to admit this. but i called God…… a son of a b word…..

i was able to steal an officer’s gun and get away on my bicycle, but now another one of the nerds is dead and i’m very worried

but most of all i’m worried about my soul! first those horrible horrible thoughts J cursed me with, then i called God the b word! what is wrong with me!

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

Currently Watching - May

Because I love a good little list - in alphabetical order! 😊

Regularly updated during the month, latest update 30.05.2023

Here you can find my weekly roundup that goes into a bit more detail about each episode.

And a little link to my favorite bl-tropes-collection 💙

This may contain spoilers!

1. Be My Favorite (1/10 on Youtube)

Well...It had some funny parts, but right now I can't imagine how Kawi and Pisaeng get together...I mean Kawi is so head over heels for the girl...But as I said, there are some really funny moments and I had a good laugh.

2. Bokura no Shokutaku aka Our Dining Table (8/10 on Gaga)

Hozumi Yutaka likes to cook and is good at it, but he can't eat infront of other people. Meeting Tane and his older brother Ueda Minoru his life seems to change and he may finally have found what his body and soul were longing for. A true comfort watch right now.

3. La Pluie (5/12 on iQiyi)

Saengtai goes deaf whenever it rains. The only voice he can hear in his head is his soulmate's one. But he refuses to answer it, because Tai doesn't believe in things like love or soulmates. That is until he meets his soulmate for the first time. It is surprisingly good and I am looking forward to this one.

4. My Story (7/10 on Youtube)

Every now and than I like to watch a pinoy-bl. The first episode was a mess and a bit boring, but I have a strong second-lead-syndrome! I love the secondary couple and they just slept together in one bed, but that was so cute! Looking forward to the next episodes!

5. Our Skyy 2 (12/16 on Youtube)

Can I be honest? This isn't my cup of tea...I still watch it, because I hope the next episodes are better, especially the ones I am hoping for (MSP + ATOTS). But most of the dialogues are cringy and cheesy and the stories are...weird or boring. MSP was really good though.

6. Sparks Camp (1/? on Youtube)

Philippines's first gay dating reality show! And it's giving you everything you're looking for! Well at least a bunch of cute and cringy moments! And I am sold!

7. Step by Step (6/10 on Gaga)

Employee meets boss without knowing who he has met and crushes hard on him, just tells him what everyone thinks about the new boss and is just adorably clumsy infront of him. I adore the friend group! I hope we get to see them support Pat a lot. The second episode...difficult for me.

8. The Day I Loved You (9/10 on Youtube)

Go watch this! It is such a good show! So great. I love it so much. I was hit by tthis series with a sledgehammer. Not just how good the production is or the acting, but the theme and plot. Damn! So good. And I can relate to this a little bit too much, but I still love it. Just watch it!

9. The Luminous Solution (1/6 on Gaga)

Every wish comes with a price...We meet Thana and Patis, a couple of over a decade. While Thana tries to holds closeness to his partner, Patis is working non stop at the hospital and doesn't see, that his partner is suffering. And now Thana lost his job and his mother is in depth. One evening he enters a very special café, which only shows itsself to people who are in deep need for a wish. But can you pay the price? As a second couple we meet Mai and Ryou, who become enemies on the first day of school and who will have some obstacles to overcome to be together. And there is Ryous best friend, I guess he has a huge crush on Ryou. How they will end up in the café? I don't know, but I am intrigued.

10. Zenra Meshi aka Naked Dining - Love, Life and Liberation (7/12 on Gaga)

Everybody has their own way to release stress. Ichijo Futa eats naked. When he goes to his dead grandmother's house, he meets Miki Mahiro, who finds out about his eating preference. I guess it is a series about understanding what is really important in life.

Finished in May

Series

Tin Tem Jai (on Gaga)

They say if you don't have anything nice to say, just keep your mouth shut…That's my motto about the series. I really didn't like it that much. 2 out of 10 for me

2. Happy Merry Ending (8/8 on Gaga)

As often with korean bls, this one was soooo short! Just 15 minutes per episode. But it was a good. We meet SeungJun and JaeHyun and when they meet there is not a question left that those two like each other. A wedding singer and a pianist. A wedding singer with social anxienty and trauma. I really enjoyed this drama. A good 9 out of 10 for me.

3. A Boss and A Babe (12/12 on Youtube)

I wasn't a big fan of ForceBook after watching Enchanté, but I think it works in this drama. Cher is getting an internship at a gaming company. In his free time he runs an ASMR channel and the boss is a big fan of his voice (a thing I can't understand) and they start talking in the evenings so Gun, the boss, can finally manage to fall asleep. And then they can start to fall for each other. Most of the times I liked this drama, but it has some flaws. So a solid 7,5 out of 10 for me.

4. My Esports Genius Brother (12/12 on Gaga)

Jiang YiFeng can't feel physical touch, emotions or anything else, he can't taste and he doesn't see colors, which makes him super focused and an exellent gamer. That is until he meets Lu Lin, an idol with too much of everything, especially the potential of becoming violent. YiFeng helps him to calm down and thanks to Lu Lin YiFeng can see colors, taste food and experience the whole palette of emotions. A romance blossoms between these two against all odds and even though it is a chinese censored drama with some almost kisses (the scenes were horrible cut) and a sweet confession scene, we can feel the attraction between these two. I really liked. Just wished it would be a little bit longer! 5 minutes per episode was just a little bit short. But nevertheless sweet. 7,5 out of 10 for me.

5. The Promise (10/10 on WeTV + Youtube)

Okay, I loved it in the beginning. I thought it was a really good drama. But after a while it got repetetive and boring. I wished Nan just got together with Party, because Phu just could get his head out of his own ass. I was really angry at him at times. And there was so much unnecessary drama, especially in the last two episodes. It was just too much. Just a 6,5 out of 10 for me in the end.

6. Watashi to Otto to Otto no Kareshi aka Me, My Husband And My Husband's Boyfriend (4/10 on gaga)

Misaki is married to Yuuki. She nows something is off, because he doesn't really have interest in getting sexual with her. On the day before their wedding anniversary she sees him kissing a man infront of their home. It is her former student Shyuuhei, who also has a crush on her. Now they have to find a way to deal with everything. And their solution...I don't really get in the end. It is kind of an open ending, which is totally fine, but the resolution with Misaki being okay with the situation was kind of rushed? Just a 6,5 out of 10 for me.

7. Love Mate (6/8 on Gaga and Viki)

I am in love with the grumpy-I-don't-believe-in-love-guy and the sunshine-I-fell-in-love-with-you-at-first-sight-guy. The butterflies went wild in my stomach and my heart got all fluffy. Over all a 10 out of 10 for me!

Short Film

At The Moment (on Gaga)

In a not so far away future people can freely choose, which gender they identify as. They have the chance to change their gender once in their lifetime, so they must make the right decision. Of course, there are programs and surveys which will support you on your journey to the right decision. But what is the right decision? What if you were born male and you identify as a male, but you like feminine things and fall in love with another young man, but everyone around you tells you to change into a woman, because it is the most logical next step? We accompany Yi An, on the edge of seventeen and in love with his classmate Zhou Yang Kai, on his way to find out what exactly he is. His best friend, identifying as male and in love with Yi An, wants to help him getting comfortable with the idea of being a girl. But Yi An questions everything around the idea of gender swap and his own sexuality and in the end it is about self-love and to accept the fact who you are and who you love. It is an interesting short movie about the question what attraction, sex and gender is and if it does have to do with gender preferences or sex. A 9 out of 10 for me.

2. Gaze in Silence (on Gaga)

This should be named Obsession. Everyone in this was obsessed. The first one with sex, another one with the thought of becoming the first person's boyfriend and the last one was just obsessed with the first one. A story about a very active young man who likes to have sex with different partners and who is not looking for a relationship. One of his sex-partners wants to become his boyfriend and the situation escalated. But lucky number one has a stalker who films him during his sex-sessions and who now rescues him from the hands of the evil wanna-b-boyfriend. And they have sex while the wanna-b is lying next to them...tied up. A very strange ending, but not bad. A very quiet short film with a lot to say in the end. I liked the way it was shot and that there were no real conversations. 7,5 out of 10 for me.

3. May you stay, forever young (on Gaga)

If you expect there to be much romance or love here, you are mistaken. This was a very depressing and hard to watch film. You could literally feel the emptiness in our main character. It oozed outward from his core. Only the family couldn't see it. First and foremost, the mother. Francis grows up sheltered and is supposed to concentrate on his lessons and especially his piano playing. At least that's what his parents want him to do. He, on the other hand, wants to spend time with his friend Tommy and even secretly starts working a part-time job in the restaurant where Tommy works. The relationship of the two is never clearly defined. What is certain is that Francis likes Tommy. Whether those feelings are reciprocated, I don't really know. And in the end, Francis breaks down and the parents stand helplessly around him, not knowing how to deal with him. And then the movie ends and you're about as helpless as the parents, because we don't know what's going to happen next in Francis' life. But that's what I really want to know! Over all a solid 8 out of 10 for me.

4. So refreshed (on Gaga)

Kim and Choi are two gay friends. Kim likes Choi, but Kim is not Choi's type. So Kim suffers in silence until one night Choi decides to book a middle-aged masseur with a light belly for company. While Kim is out to get the money, Choi has fun with the, in the end, really homophobic masseur. Kim and Choi fight and when Kim is home alone again, he watches the video of Choi and the masseur, he secretly took with his watch, and jerks of...so refreshed! It was really disturbing and disgusting to watch. A 5 out of 10 for me.

5. Old Narcissus (on Gaga)

A story about aging and the struggle with it. A story about beauty and its transience. A story about acceptance and the fact you should really not trust strangers, you don't know shit about! That was one stupid choice you made writer! The moth never would! Still a 7 out of 10 for me.

Movie

Dropped/On-Hold in May

House of Stars

Dropped at episode 3. I really don't like this one. I don't like the acting not the story. It is boring and confusing and just overall not good, in my opinion.

Looking forward to in May

House of Stars (May 1st on iQiyi)

Love Mate (May 4th on Gaga)

Star Struck (May 18th)

Be my favorite (May 26th on Youtube)

The Luminous Solution (May 27th on Youtube and Gaga)

Tie The Not (May 27th on Youtube)

Takumi-kun Series 6: Nagai Nagai (May 27th cinema release, no international release for now)

[isabeauwolf]

I'm curious. What was everyone's first anime amv's that you watched and what ones stays in your mind rent free?

This Ryou Bakura/ Yami Bakura amv got me into RED back in high school. If ya'll have read the og Yu-Gi-Oh manga and Duelist, ya'll know. If not, let's just say its wayyy darker than the 4kids anime we grew up with and a lot of stuff was censored. All the crap Yami Bukura put poor Ryou through, Yami was super creepy and throwing out death punishments left and right, but the people deserved it. That was even before the card game was introduced!

I know, I know, Inuyasha is basic and over memed to death, but it's still very close to my heart. It was my first anime in middle school and is very close to my heart, say what you will, but I love the dub. I've re-watched the series 5 times before The Final Act aired, I watched it every week both in subbed and dubbed. I've read the manga online years ago after the original anime ended cuz I had to know what happened! I bought the VizBigs and have a couple of the anti-manga which I hope to finish collecting someday, have other merch and games too.

I'll even share that I used the instrumental version of "Dearest" while walking down the isle for my wedding. Why? The song fit my husband and me so well, we had been through so much together and our love only grew stronger. Even while we were apart, we never stopped thinking of each other.

Eternal Snow always hits me with heavy nostalgia. Do I always cry while singing it? Of course, I do. I always come back here in winter to listen to this beautiful song. I remember watching the whole series on YouYube in high school after reading the manga. The story really sticks with you and inspiring, no matter what your dream is.

This amv I think best summarizes Kai Chisaki, Overhaul perfectly as a character. He has such a twisted mind, but that's part of the reason he was such a great villain, and his style/quirk made him such a bad-ass villain.

The way Pops found Kai as a boy, alone, covered in filth and I imagine he was hungry, always made me feel as if we were missing something from his past before the latest chapters came out. He wanted more than anything to replay the man who saved him, rebuilding the Shie Hassaikai's former glory and reputation along with returning people quirkless. Might have saved so many lives who were eventually lost, but at the end of the day, he still choose the darkest route and solution.

"You have no place here", hearing those words from Pops, his father figure, that's probably what finally pushed him to do everything he did. Ignoring Pops wish and taking matters into his own hands, its brief, but it hurt him, he's shocked before recollecting himself and putting Pops into a coma.

Kai’s final scream makes me cry every time because you just know that’s when he realized he’s lost literally everything he ever had, his quirk, the ability to fix Pops, the Shie Hassaikai his only home, and the quirk erasing bullets and serum, his plan that's been pouring so much time and who knows how long working on.

I haven't said it often on here at least, haha. But MDZS is one of my favorite BL anime, danmei, and manhua I've been obsessed with since 2020.

If you haven't watched MDZS, or Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation, I highly recommend it. The world building, music, the characters, the animation and raw feelings it pulls out of you.

Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian's love is only a part of the series, the depth of their feelings cannot be matched by anything after what they’ve gone through together. No boundaries to their relationship and not even death stops their love.

Lan Zhan let go of everything to protect Wei Ying and tried to feel the pain he felt. They went through life and death together. It was literally them against the world. Even though they had no one by their side, they were with each other.

I still have to catch-up with The Untamed... XD I always play their song, "WANGXIAN" before "Mourning for Love."

[lostvi21]

Tips for writing

I already had another story which I never got to post, since I kept rewriting it into eternity. After forcing myself to take a break from it, I think I finally figured out a way to keep consistently writing a story. So, I thought maybe this post might stumble across a reader who struggles with similar things as I did and I could provide a possible solution without them needing to go through a year and over 10 different versions of a first chapter ending in a failed project. (and admitting that I needed to stop was what hurt the most since I really love the idea I had and maybe I might even try to restart that story, but that's a topic for another post in maybe 2 to 3 years.)

Also Disclaimer: This is only my opinion on the matter and what I figured to be helpful. In the end, it's up to you how you want to write your story and to decide what works for you. I'm just sharing my experiences.

I had a couple of problems which mixed up together until I needed to give up.

First off, I lacked structure. With my first bigger story, I had an idea, a beginning and I knew some major plot points that needed to happen. But what I never knew was when or how the story ended. I just wanted to tell an endless story or figure out an ending on the way. That didn't work for me.

With my current story (which you can check out here, if you're interested) I researched a couple of ways how to structure a story properly. (It was just for fun honestly, but so helpful in the end) I already had, like before a vague idea, and some plot points I wanted to happen. What I did: See if my story would fit into any of these structures and what would happen at which point until the end. And then I found a structure that fit my story (almost) perfectly. After that, I wrote down the plot in bullet points creating my outline for the story.

(Note: Of course, you can take any story structure you find and bend it a little. For example, I decided to go for a three act-structure and decided to skip the introduction part, since I wanted to plunge the reader into the story without heavily explaining what was going on. They would figure it out on the way … )

This means I knew what happened at which moment. And most importantly, I had an ending. Now I had to face my next challenge, fighting my constant urge to rewrite everything. After proceeding with my used-to-way of just writing what comes to my head, I quickly figured out that this wouldn't work. It didn't work earlier and it didn't work now. So, I needed to figure out what was wrong with my approach.

For that, there are multiple options to do so. Either you can ask others for their opinion of what is wrong with your text or try proofreading yourself. I recorded how I read my texts and heard afterwards to the footage while I was reading along (and yes, it sucks hearing your own voice on record, but if you imagine it's another person, it's not that painful anymore, after a while)

Then I had another important realization. I still had no structure in my chapters. The story was now well structured and I knew what I wanted to write the chapter about, but my thoughts were jumping from one thought to another and then back again. To solve this problem, I came up with an approach that still works for me.

Before writing the chapter, I think about what I want to happen in this chapter. For example, in my current story, I needed to introduce the two main characters and they needed to meet. I also wanted to hide some hints on backstory and needed to write about the event that starts the entire story. With that in mind, I just start loosely writing down what comes to my mind. It doesn't matter if it's good or not, since I'm going to rewrite it later on. Once I come to a point, where I completed all of my goals for that chapter, I take what I wrote down and structure the plot into bullet points. Then I take these and write a second version along with the bullet points. This makes sure that my thoughts are structured in the end and that I have a clear storyline to follow.

After that, the last step is proofreading. As already said before, you can ask others to give you feedback or record yourself. Maybe use a grammar program to fix obvious mistakes you've overseen (helps a lot. especially if you're writing in a language that you don't use everyday) In this stage I mostly find some sentences that are hard to read / speak or just some wordings that repeat or don't quite sound right. So I go ahead, mark them and fix them.

And after that, I was by now always satisfied with what I wrote. This method might be a little overkill but it works for me and the most important thing you need to keep in mind: If you'd like to write something, it's supposed to be fun. No matter the way you do it. The process of creating an own story and slowly watching it come alive, that's the feeling that makes me happy and why I keep writing.

Hope you had fun reading and maybe I was able to give you one or another idea on how to write a story. If you want more tips, you can send me an ask or just comment on this post.

[crisalidaseason]

Who is the monster, who is the human?

Chapter 3 - Sad words and kind acts. (check index for more) (check Chapter 2 - Infirmary visits)

Chapter summary: You find out a secret about Armin that should not be a secret, also you need to ask him to stop sending you food. You and him have a drunk talking session and sensitive topics arise. He does yet another kind act that leaves you conflicted. Content Warning: Alcohol consumption, unhealthy coping mechanisms, guilt, mentions of war crimes, kinda fluffy at some point, but mostly angsty, talks of dehumanization, pessimistic views about life, self loathing.

“A celebration?” you said “made by the military? now that’s odd”

You, Sofia and Maria were all together in the lab. The physicist was sitting on a nearby chair, being the usual inconvenience in your life. 

“Apparently they are celebrating the two year anniversary of wall Maria reclaim” Maria replied.

Your attention was split between listening to the physicist and not overheating your solution, the information being half-processed in your brain.

“anniversary of what?” you asked.

“of wall Maria reclaim, are you even listening?” 

Sighing tiredly, you finally turned the stove and gas supply off and, while stirring the solution with a glass rod, finally spoke.

“A reminder that I am very much busy right now” you said “also, I thought you and Viktor were finishing the prototype of the new spears, what are you doing here?”

“I am inviting you and miss I-despise-everyone to the celebration” Maria replied “come on, we need to socialize with those people”

“You sound like Gael” Sofia replied from the other side of the counter "absolute nightmare"

“But he is not wrong” she insisted “we’ll have to work with the Corps soldiers eventually, let them at least know our faces”

Realistically, you and Sofia were well aware of this importance. Those soldiers were going to use your work so communication was inevitable. Entering the third month living on the island, you had only met Hange, Onyankopon and Levi so far (that is if you do not count Armin Arlert, but you did not consider the interactions in the infirmary anything relevant to your mission). Point was, you needed to know those people for the success of your efforts. 

“But this seems like a personal situation to them, should we really go?” you asked.

You knew from reports, and also stories told by Onyankopon during the weekly meetings, that the Survey Corps had one of the biggest victories and a catastrophic loss during the wall Maria retake. From what you heard, they retrieved many homes and farming lands, but lost 90% of their soldiers and also the previous commander, who seemed to be a local hero of sorts. You were always wary of so-called heroes, but the reports on Erwin Smith were interesting, no wonder why those people still remembered him fiercely. 

“The celebration is open to the public, but they will have a military-restricted memorial” Maria informed “at least that’s what I heard from Hitch”

Hitch? New name. You tried to remember if you met someone called Hitch briefly, but soon gave up. In the end, you and Sofia agreed to go, but not really because of Maria’s insistence. Gael would force everyone to participate, he was almost desperate to meet more people. You wondered if his years working in infiltration had something to do with that. 

The celebration happened two days later, at the mess hall. The food was slightly better than usual, but you found yourself comparing it to the gifts. Since your first visit to the infirmary, you had been receiving small plates of actual food at least once a week, which made your stomach get attached to the fruits, goat cheese and well baked bread. The mess hall food paled in comparison, even during an event. 

“Do you think the commander is courting you?” 

Viktor had asked you a few weeks ago, when another plate of cheese and bread was delivered to your room. He was making some calculations with you when the food arrived. The note attached was not scandalous, just a “recover well” written down, signed by the commander and their assistant. 

“Of course not, they look at least 15 years older than I am. Besides, I think they have a partner” You answered, despite finding the commander quite good looking. 

“Then why send you this? I don’t think this is standard behavior” 

You did not know why, but you knew who. You had a hunch the commander was not involved in sending food to a random chemist. You were avoiding thinking about the blond man, he was distracting you from your tasks and, whenever you seemed to forget about him, an occasional plate of food came as a reminder that he existed. Everything became even more difficult when, at the celebration, you saw him in something other than stained-shredded-white shirts and bandages. He was sporting a full military attire, a green well fitted coat, polished black boots and a pendant on his chest. 

You were right, he did stand out. Maybe not to everyone, but you noticed him right upon arrival. He was beside a woman, a very beautiful one. She had dark and shiny hair, beautiful stature and posture, her face exhaled an ‘I am extremely dangerous’ aura. What is in their heritage? There’s too many beautiful people around here, you thought. 

“Those are the veterans” Maria discreetly pointed to the group of people in which Armin was included. 

“Some of them seem quite young to be veterans” you commented.

“It seems they were the only survivors of the mission alongside the commander. Do you see the tall brunette? Him and the blonde boy beside him are shifters, but he is the founding one, Eren Jaeger” she whispered in the last part.

Eren, you heard of him, but what caught your attention was not him.

“The blonde man next to him is the colossal?” you loudly whispered, turning in your seat to face Maria with a speed you did not remember having “The titan people say has at least 60 meters and is known as the fucking 'god of destruction'?”

Maria looked at you, concerned with your unusual display of surprise. 

“Yes, Armin Arlert is his name. It’s so strange how he is a dangerous titan and we never see his name on the reports” 

You did not reply, still surprised by the information. The man who nursed your overworked self that first visit to the infirmary was the colossal. The man who sent you fruits and cheese was the colossal. That seemingly harmless blonde boy was hosting one of the worst demons in this world. Looking at Armin across the room, smiling at the woman beside him and interacting comfortably with his comrades, felt outrageously unnatural. Maybe because you had never seen any of the warriors up close, not even the cart titan, who was a common sight for battlefield soldiers and workers. Suddenly the conversation you had with him in the infirmary gained a new context.

“You alright?” Maria said when your silence remained ��I don’t think he can hurt us without hurting his friends, don’t worry”

You were not worried. Not at all. Not even afraid of him. The truth was that you felt even more drawn to him. Knowing he was the colossal titan brought you even more questions about his intentions with all the ‘gifts’ sent to your room, about his visits to the infirmary, despite hosting a literal mutualistic parasite that could heal him even in near death. You wanted to uncover his truth, understand him almost to an atomic level. In the depths of your mind, you knew it had nothing to do with curiosity, but the recognition of your own internal troubles reflected in his dull eyes. 

“I’m okay” you finally replied “just processing”

Some days later, very late at night, you left the lab and decided to seek Armin Arlert. There was no planning, you just impulsively decided to speak with him, even if you were not sure of where he could be found, or if he even worked at the same base. There was a building a few meters away from yours, in which sometimes Onyankopon held meetings with your team. You had seen Hange there a few times and thought that maybe Armin was there. Stepping outside, you stopped to feel the slight breeze and mild chill of the air. It was a beautiful and cloudless night, the stars shining more than ever because of the new moon. 

"Hopefully it gets colder soon" you said to yourself.

Walking towards the building was uneventful, but unfortunately you did get lost inside the building. There were not many soldiers in the hallways, which was odd, and the ones you saw did not even look in your direction even when you called. You were mumbling bitterly about people’s impoliteness when a voice almost had you suffering from cardiac arrest. 

“Can I help you?” 

Turning, you saw nobody other than Armin Arlert himself sitting on top of the stairs you were passing by. You were either lucky or he was somehow following you. 

“Yes”

He made a gesture, inviting you to speak. He was wearing semi formal clothes, navy blue shirt and thick pants, his boots were not as polished as the ones he wore at the celebration. You checked his arms for bandages but saw nothing to indicate he was hurt, which did not surprise you knowing his status as a shifter. 

“I was looking for you, actually” you finally said.

“Oh” he seemed out of words, blond brows frowning.

Armin stood up, attempting to descend the stairs but struggling a little. For a moment, you thought he was going to fall and your heart’s pace went wild, but he steadied himself with a hand on the wall next to him and that was when you noticed the bottle beside his feet. 

“You’re drunk” you said.

“Not for much longer, unfortunately” he said, speech slightly slurring.

You almost felt sad for him. Imagine just wanting to drink your problems until you were unconscious but your body being too efficient in burning it off.

“Titan healing?”

He nodded for a second, but his eyes immediately widened. 

“How do you-”

“It’s no secret. I have reports, you know?” you lied. 

He stared at you, as if confused with your reaction, or maybe the fact a random stranger knew what he was. You had a moment of regret, almost slapping your own face from the poor choice of words. He was slightly unbalanced while standing up and eventually gave up going down the stairs and sat down again, you decided it would not hurt to join him, even if your brain was screaming at you. 

“So, no more sick days?” he asked.

“There are always sick days” you said “but I must admit the goat cheese resuscitated me”

He chuckled a little, drinking some of the alcohol from the bottle. He offered you some and, despite the awful consequences, you took some of it. It was bad quality sugar cane liquor, but more than enough if all you wanted was a silent mind. 

“Good to hear you enjoy the food, I was-”

“Stop sending it” you said. 

Your answer made him turn and focus his blue eyes on you. Even when drunk his stare was intense. 

“Sorry” he whispered “I’ll stop”

“Nothing against you, but it’s just weird” you said “you don’t know me, so why the sudden act of kindness, if it is an act of kindness at all”

“It is” he said firmly “I just..” 

He shook the bottle slightly, playing with the liquor inside. You waited for an answer that did not come, and usually you would not be eager to listen to other people’s babbling and reasoning, but in that particular situation you needed answers. 

“Why, Armin?”

“It’s gonna sound fucking stupid” he sighed loudly.

“Take another sip and say it” you suggested “actually, let me have a sip before I listen”

He gave you the bottle and you took a long sip, passing it back to him. You motioned for him to stay silent when he was about to speak. 

“Let the alcohol sink in first”

You were not sure, but it seemed as if he rolled his eyes to you, drinking more from the bottle until it was almost done. Your confused face must have shown a little though.

“Titan healing” he quoted you “I have a short drunk haze, no time to let it ‘sink in’ ”

You were the one who sighed this time.

“Alright. Spill, boy. Why the food?”

“I just wanted to do something nice for someone” he mumbled “for once. To feel like a person again, you know?”

Oh. You wished you had not asked, that was awfully familiar to you. The pit of regret started to simmer inside of you. 

“Why me?” you asked, you were everything but a person. 

“No idea” he shrugged. 

“You could have done a benevolent act to a friend” you said, making a face “or don’t you have any?”

“That is the problem, I have friends” he said “and they are all getting on my nerves”

You had no idea how to navigate that situation, you never allowed yourself to see anyone as a friend, even if they were relatively close. You had no idea what “a friend getting on your nerves” meant, was it the same as Viktor and Maria constantly reminding you to drink water, sleep or do your physiological necessities?

“It doesn’t matter” Armin spoke again, trying to fill the silence  “I won’t send it anymore if it’s bothering you”

“Good” you said.

Silence fell over the two of you one more time. He offered you the rest of the liquor, which you took.

“Just so you know” you said “thank you for the food. It was a kind gesture and it did make me recover faster”

“Good to hear that” he smiled discreetly.

More silence, you became quite aware that the liquor was strong enough to make you tipsy. 

“Was the food stolen?” you asked.

He chuckled, nodding.

“Good” you said, stolen good food tasted even better.

“it’s not like Hange even notices” he said “they’re usually not in the office to actually consume it so I’d send it to you”

You almost smiled at the mental image. Looking at Armin’s side profile, holding an empty bottle of sugar cane liquor, you wondered what really plagued his mind. He was clearly conflicted with something, this entire ‘do something nice for once’ and the lonely drunk session were a familiar scenario to you. Many nights you had spent awake, with a bottle in hand, the guilt eating you away, the voices calling you by the demon you were. 

“I do that sometimes” you began “doing something nice to random strangers“

He looked at you, his clever eyes scanning your face. You wondered if that was a strongly rooted habit of his. 

“I wonder why we do this” he said “it’s not like it changes the bad things we’ve already done”

You agreed silently. No extravagant good deeds would erase the amount of lives you destroyed as a field chemist. 

“A stupid illusion” you said “but somehow we cling to it”

None of you spoke again for a few minutes. As soon as his healing burned all of the alcohol from his bloodstream, he was standing up and moving as if he was never drunk to begin with. You, on the other hand, felt the strongness of the liquor when you stood up and the entire world shifted. He offered his forearm, which you grasped for support, and helped you go down the stairs.

“Can you walk to your personal quarters?” he asked “I can accompany you, if it’s alright, of course!”

“Nah” you said “I’m good” 

He nodded and the two of you parted ways. The cool air of the night was enough to help you sober up a little and you slowly walked back to your dormitory. Your night was turbulent, the alcohol chasing your sleep away, alongside thoughts of blue eyes and sad words in a soft spoken voice. 

“Where were you last night?” Maria asked “I came to bother you and you were not there”

The morning came with a slight headache, you were cursing your past self’s decision to drink. The mess hall was noisy and the food was the usual bland, doing absolutely nothing to help your situation. 

“I had a problem to solve” you quickly replied.

Maria was not convinced and you were in for a long conversation. 

“You look like shit, alcohol type of shit” 

“You’re so perceptive, Maria” you mocked “what would I do without you”

“I’m being serious, you know well how bad you get with alcohol”

“Don’t worry, I am hyper aware of the consequences” you spat.

The next few weeks were uneventful in terms of work, but for some reason you bumped into Armin more often. Sometimes you would pick up supplies and he would be walking nearby, usually with the beautiful woman beside him. He would spare you a discreet nod of acknowledgement, to which you responded. Other times, you saw him at the mess hall, he did not go there often, but at least twice a week he had dinner with his comrades. The mess hall days gave you an opportunity to see him in a less miserable aura, he was even more interesting when relaxed. You wanted an opportunity to talk again, but at the same time you wanted distance, the fear of becoming attached to someone resurfacing every time. 

There was no food coming your way anymore, but one particular night you were about to sit down to start some calculations when a knock was heard on the door. To your surprise, or not really, Armin was there. He had bags under his eyes and a visibly tired body language, contrasting to his freshly showered self. His hair was damp and some shorter strands of his undercut were standing up. 

“Good evening” he said “I hope I did not interrupt your sleep”

“No, I was working” you replied. 

He fell silent for a few seconds, fidgeting with papers between his fingers.

“Um” he started “I hope this is not invasive, but I thought about making you a small list of useful places nearby”

He gave you one of the papers. The paper was thick and smelled of coffee and smoke. Written in black ink, there were herbal shops, fruits and grains markets, clothing and tailoring stores, even bookstores and bath shops. That was indeed very useful.

“I thought that you being new here would make it difficult to find good cheap places to buy your necessities” he continued “and the walls know how the military supplies are not enough or decent”

You could not agree more, the soaps were harsh on your skin and triggered your migraines very often. Some of your clothes needed repair and you were craving fruits after Armin spoiled you with them weeks ago. 

“Honestly, that is indeed useful” you mumbled “thank you, again”

“You’re welcome” he said “and here is a map in case you need” 

He gave you the other piece of paper, an old but still sturdy map. You noticed he had marked with charcoal the shops he listed and also routes from the military base to those places. You could not wait for payment to be delivered that month. 

“This is very kind of you” you said.

You wondered if he was still riddled with guilt, if being helpful to you was all a part of his way to feel better about himself. You could not be upset at this, you knew well how the ill voices inside your head were loud. They broke you day by day, striping you from any form of dignity or connection with the innocent person you once were. 

“Have a good night” he said “If you feel comfortable with it, you can reach for me. When I’m not at the commander’s office, I’m usually at the south building, second floor, communal space”

You nodded and watched as he left, his shoulders slumped. You looked at the paper with his handwriting on it, he took time to think and list them all to you, to track them on the map, to walk all the way to your room and personally give it to you. There were not many people in your life that spared you acts of kindness and Armin was slowly slithering between the cracks of your walls, despite such a short period of time knowing you. You wondered if he was feeling unseen, if the people in his life did not understand him completely, if he had connected to you as much as you felt connected to him. There was something about Armin that pulled you in and, a small part of you, a part you wanted to drown, hoped he felt just as drawn to you. 

[theactsoftheapostles]

"Shebat." From the Acts of the Apostles 7: 11-12.

I am subdivding the story of Jacob/Israel in Egypt into smaller Mishnah in order to find out how each aspect fits into the equation Luke built about the Chosen 7. He mentions the famine that started in Egypt just before slavery started. Canaan is included in the famine area so I am merging the phenonmena into one Number:

Famine all over Egypt and Canaan=1670, י״וע, yetahua, "the ruler of the household led them to a disaster."

We are currently experiencing a famine. The White House has become a cracker barrel, the Congress too, because Mike Johnson is better at making gay porn than governing, the Iranians are planning to attain to the ownership of nuclear arms, and things in Russia are the same.

Luke says just as Moses did in the Torah one thing can fix global unethical behavior: a visit from our Jewish ancestors:

11 Then there was a famine all over Egypt and Canaan, which caused much suffering. Our ancestors could not find any food, 12 and when Jacob heard that there was grain in Egypt, he sent his sons, our ancestors, on their first visit there.

The Value in Gematria is 11701, יאן‎א‎, yaana, "an ostrich".

Jacob made an historic mistake when he sold his son to the Egyptians, followed him there and as we will see in the next frame, failed to return him and the rest of his people to Israel. This resulted in slavery and the near finish of the Jewish people. This sounds familiar. Luke however, has built in a solution:

The final Gemara is יאן‎אי״וע, January, AKA Shebat:

"The verb שבט (shabat) means to smite or beat. The common noun שבט (shebet) describes the staff; a weapon for travelers, a tool for shepherds and the implement with which farmers beat their grains. Later this item became a mark of authority: a scepter, also known as שרביט (sharbit)."

Those Mormons and Republicans et al need to be wiped from the face of the earth for what they did in Gaza on October 7, 2023, and before and since and we must return the hostages to Israel. We must not consort with the Enemy nor show him quarter while one Israelite or one of its allies remains in captivity. Terrorists who keep hostages do not get humanitarian aid, food, water, bandaids, none of it. If the people of Gaza want these things, all they need to do is return those missing Jews and it will be done. Otherwise, you are all already dead.

Please also see my open letter to the International Criminal Court:

Re: Arrest Warrant for PM Benjamin Netanyahu for War Crimes

Dear Sirs, 

I personally overheard numerous United States Senators and Representatives and current and former Presidents planning to attack Israel by force. Which they did on October, 7, 2023. Many of the persons in their presence including Karoline Leavitt and others have been sighted recently behind enemy lines assisting Hamas fighters. 

Netanyahu was correct to use lethal force against the people that attacked Israel on its own soil and took hostages in the manners in which they did. I am asking for you to withdraw the warrant. The Republican Party and its Mormon allies are filthy violent corrupt people and everything possible must be done to stop their infestation of this planet. 

Please let me know if I can provide you with further details. 

Michael 

...

As far as our lesson found in the Acts, re: the Chosen Seven, I believe this is the sort of response to the circumstances in Gaza to which Luke referred.

[illegiblehandwriting1]

I feel the need to mention this, cuz I was thinking about it and I found it absolutely hilarious. (Skyward Sword spoilers but, c'mon, it's like 12 years old now.)

Time travel breaks a lot of things in the Zelda universe. The Hero of the Skies, miraculously, managed to keep an immense amount of continuity going. SkSw Link managed to not break time, but I can't help but notice that he broke something else.

He just so happened to break the fucking law of conservation of mass.

(putting a read more cuz this gets LONG)

How, you ask? It's pretty simple.

This fucking thing.

You can go back from the beginning of the game and see Zelda's crystal, Impa's bracelet, etc. That's perfect! I love it! It's amazing! Genius attention to detail from the devs. But this fucking pedestal does not exist until the end cutscene. It just shows up in the modern-day Sealed Temple - along with the Master Sword, which should be there as well - like "ayup, homies, how ya doing".

And Link doesn't bat an EYE.

Okay, fine. I'm fine with his reaction. That's his friend, and he's a bit busy. Besides, you cannot convince me that he actually paid attention in any science class ever.

But still. THAT'S NOT HOW PHYSICS WORKS.

However, fear not! I am not solely here to complain. I may have a solution.

You could say that there's not allowed to be two copies of the sacred sword in a time at the same time, but that's boring, right? That's just not any fun. I don't like that. So here's my solution.

The pedestal is movable. HEAR ME OUT, IT GETS BETTER.

So. here's my timeline of events.

After Demise is defeated/Link finally puts Fi to rest/Zelda tries to bring Impa with them/etc. the Gate of Time is broken, right? And it was probably young Impa that did that, right? She's already proven she can break a Gate in Lanayru, so she just waits for Link, Zelda, and Groose to go through and then she blows it up. Great. Awesome. Glad we can all agree on that.

So. Young Impa breaks the Gate of Time. She's probably already seen the Sealed Temple in modern times, right? She was there in that time anyway, might as well see how decrepit her house becomes. It can be a road trip.

Anyway.

So, she probably knows that the pedestal isn't there in modern times. So after she breaks the Gate, Impa just picks up the sword and the stone (you probably couldn't take them apart, after Link slammed Fi in there) and shoves it into her one (1) non-canonical broom cupboard. I'm sure the Sealed Temple has at LEAST one of those, right? And then it sits there. For thousands of years or however long it takes.

Anyway, when Zelda's taken by Ghirahim (In the present day, after Sky Keep) and Link and Groose run through the Gate to save her and stop Ghirahim and all that jazz (no, that's not really important, I'm sure they'll do fine and all. Kinda boring, though, in comparison to what IMPA's doing), the old lady, being her wonderful old lady self, just calmly walks over to the non-canonical closet and carefully puts the Master Sword and the rock pedestal back in its place like it's made of styrofoam. She's IMPA, after all, we stan buff old ladies here. She probably has, like, lines she drew on the floor, too, with a nice little outline where it should go. I feel like that's something she would do. Y'know, for continuity.

I firmly believe that was her last act as the Keeper of Time or whatever she was (I can't remember lmao, too lazy to go find it rn). She made sure all was right in the world of physics. And I love her for it.

Long story short, Link's lovable but oblivious, and Impa was the real unsung hero of the story. Thank her for all of your questions when you first noticed that the pedestal just spontaneously appeared.

Damn, she was so humble that she didn't even mention it when she died lmao. Just doing her job.

Consensus? Rip Impa. But I bet Hylia adores her for keeping the law of conservation of mass intact.

Oh wait, so THAT'S why she keeps coming back. She proved herself as smart. Hylia needs her to guide these dumbasses, and given that she used her entire life to serve, Impa was happy to oblige.

OHHHHHH. See, that makes a lot more sense.

Now, here's the real question. The original Beedle gave Link a sidequest and dropped him out of an airship.

So why does HE keep reappearing?

Anyway, thanks for reading my essay about a pointless subject lol.

[originalgenshinscenarios]

Not sure if I've already requested, but can I ask for the matchups in the valentines event?

Looking for a girl over 18 from Liyue or Inazuma

Lesbian

Sagittarius, INTJ

I'm very shy but when I do get close to someone, I get VERY close, I end up talking to them about everything on my mind (even if it might be the wrong thing to say in a situation), I follow them around almost everywhere and sometimes end up doing whatever chores they tell me to. It's really hard for me to make friends though, since for some reason I'm unable to talk to those I'm not familiar with . For some reason I end up planning way too far ahead even in the most minor of things (as an example, whenever I start playing gacha games I end up planning my teams for the entire game and create around 7 reroll accounts to get the character that's both most versatile and will be on my final team [and then I end up stop playing said gacha game within a week of playing]). I overthink way too much, often thinking about things that no one cares about, and I end up getting self-conscious of things that don't really matter. I don't talk too much (unless someone is asking me about my interests, in which case I talk WAY too much), so I usually end up being the one listening instead of speaking. I end up getting very careless in what I say and do in front of people I know I can trust (in front of others is a different story. So basically I'm very shy and preserved at first, but when I get close to someone I get very very very very close. I end up being very happy go lucky in front of people I'm close with, but when I know they're tired I just ask them if they need anything and give them what they want. I usually tease my friends a lot, and whenever someone else teases me we have a (friendly) fight since there ain't no way I'm backing down from that.

My love language is acts of service, and as I said once I get close to someone I get VERY close, as in I'm willing to do absolutely anything for them, as in I'd probably do the most embarrassing of things (or most dangerous of things) in front of them if they asked me to.

Although, I'm looking for someone who can just hold me close, someone who can just give a sense of comfort or a sense of safety, someone who'd just be there for me through and through. I'm fine with anything as long as I can get the loving words I never got growing up, even if it's the most simple of compliments.

Basically:

looking for a girl from either Inazuma or Liyue who can just comfort me and give me the love my family never did

Personality: I start off shy, a bit of a tease, plan way too far ahead, and also overthink a lot a lot

In a relationship I can simply do chores for you every once in a while, and I'll also take care of you when you're tired

You didn't send it in before so good that you double checked!

This is a part of 3x Valentines event (All slots are taken)

I match you with...

Ningguang

As greedy as she can be, she has a lot of love to give and she's not afraid to share it with you.

She's very observant, so whenever you feel down she's going to do whatever to make you feel better.

She'd plan a different solutions to different troubles, she'd both listen and give advice.

Your habit of planning ahead is something she appreciates a lot. And often you'd help each other make the most organized of plans! So whenever you set your minds to something literally nothing will be left to chance.

Your teasing is often like a good challenge to her. It quickly turns into you flirting with each other though.

With how you listen to every order and execute it almost immediately, she thinks you're one of the most reliable people she can count on.

But on the other hand she'd scold you if she found out you did something dangerous without any second thoughts. Be it by her or your friends' request.

She also isn't likely to admit to her being tired too quickly. So sometimes your habit of checking up on her hits at the right time.

She understands importance of rest, but when she's busy with work, time starts looking like a foreign concept to her.

~Mod Lisa

[oh-my-moomin]

NGE: You Deserve Love

This is an analysis based solely on the og NGE anime series and not the movie or rebirth series so I won’t be mentioning those.

NGE is a psychological horror/apocalypse story dressed up as a mecha. This farce is only totally dropped in the last 2, even 3 episodes. This can make the ending jarring and seem in cohesive, but ultimately my understanding is that none of the ‘plot’ really matters. Seele doesn’t matter, where the angels come from doesn’t really matter, and the final battle doesn’t matter. This is a story exploring loss, the need for connection, loneliness, and humanity. We see this through not only the interactions of the human characters but also through the angels.

THE HUMANS

The Children

A defining trait of all the characters is that they are lonely. The isolation from human connection is brought on both by the high stress apocalypse they all live in, as well as the personal demons they face. The characters all attempt to create bonds with other people, but are held back by their insecurities, fear of vulnerability, and past traumas.

Let’s start with Shinji, as the main character. Having lost his mother at a young age, and being abandoned by this father, he was never able to feel secure. Therefore he takes on a people pleaser attitude, constantly apologizing. His want for validation (particularly from adults in his life) causes him to continue to take action that he doesn't want to, including piloting the EVA. His self hate and insecurity makes it hard for him to make and trust his own choices. So he relies on others to guide him. When this fails, when he doesn't get the love and validation he craves he tries to quite entirely. But this often leads to the people he cares about being hurt. He's trapped between a rock and hard place.

Asuka was also abandoned, however rather than craving support like Shinji, she chooses to live for herself. She craves independence. She needs to know that she is no longer a child that can be hurt and vulnerable. This is largely shown through both her overt sexuality, and her piloting the EVA. She must be in control of the EVA, she must have power, she must be able to prove herself as the best, the strongest. Because inside she still feels like that hurt desperate child, and that is what she hates most about herself. Unlike Shinji, Asuka is brash and rude, and she expects others to give her the same. She barks and expects you to bark back, but can’t always handle it. 

Both of these characters are constantly looking for connection, with both their peers and adults. While Asuka often pushes herself on to people, out of a need to be seen. Shinji cannot take active moves to make meaningful connections, and will shy away from people trying to connect. Asuka hates herself and needs to prove that others love her. Shinji hates himself and cannot imagine that people love him. 

The Adults

One of the running themes in the show is motherhood. Typically it is the mother that is expected to love and care for the child, to raise them, show unconditional love, give unwavering support. None of the characters have had this, Shinji and Asuka search for validation that they lost in adults in different ways. Unfortunately for them, none of the adults present are suitable to be parents. 

The show makes a point to show that the adult characters are all more complex than the children. They have lived longer and therefore had more time to make mistakes, to get stuck in toxic ideals, to ‘be problematic’. They are not concretely good or bad people (mostly), but rather the result of people who grew up in a post apocalyptic world, trying desperately to stop the salvage it, while also trying to make their own connections. Like the child characters, their past traumas make it harder for them to be more open, vulnerable, and weak, to form that human connection. 

I am going to focus on Misato and Ritsuko, since they act as foils when it comes to human connection.

Misato being left as a lone survivor to a terrible accident has left her scared both physically and mentally. Before this she had issues with her parents, as her father seemed to abandon his family in favour of work, leaving her mother devastated. Misato doesn't want to become like her mother, abandoned by a loved one, and she also doesn't want to be her father, a slave to work. To counter this she looks for easy connections, but she never wants to get too close.

When her relationship with Kaji was beginning to feel too real, she began to find flaws. His resemblance to her father was terrifying, so she broke it off. Similarly, when in scenes with Shinji, talking about his insecurities or his want to give up, she is hidden by shadow. She cannot be seen as weak, she cannot offer comfort, she cannot be a mother figure to Shinji. Other ways her searching for easy connection is her drinking beer, or eating take out. She searches for the most basic ways to fulfill her needs, so that she can focus on her main goal of defeating the angels. 

Ritsuko is also desperate to find human connection without vulnerability. By fully closing off the whole world she can have no weakness, something which she resents in Misato. She views herself as above the need for connection in that way, and would rather follow in her mothers foot footsteps as a scientist and a woman. 

She loved and admired her mother, and hated her. She wants to follow in her footsteps but also would hate to fail in the same ways. She saw how her mother failed to actually mother her, and chose to completely reject that part of herself. Instead she cares for cats, and uses those as a surrogate to having a child. She continues her mothers work as a scientist, constantly striving to improve. And when it comes to the ‘woman’ that her mother was, she knew a stubborn woman who focused solely on one man. So Ritsuko also focused on him, to the point of giving up her cat to her grandmother. Both women tried to create an easy connection with him, both felt that they were his equal, and that they found the one connection that mattered. When it was proven to them that they were a second (third) woman this caused them both to break down. For Ritsuko this meant that even though she closed off the whole world, except for one man, she was still too vulnerable. And her only response was to completely shut down. Because she had no one else.

All of the characters are constantly searching for this connection, trying to show affection without getting hurt. Trying to make sense of the end of the world while also making sense of interpersonal relationships. Their own inner demons getting in the way of honest connection. 

Rei

As a clone Rei is a particular case. She is aware that she is not a ‘person’, she isnt meant for human connection. Her isolation is so ingrained into her, planned before she is even ‘born’ so she feels no need to care for anyone except Ikari. She latches onto him, would do anything for him, and has no value in her life because she is aware that she is not real. 

However, she still has a human source, Shinjis mother. A human person, who also needed human connection. Rei, when given the chance, does care for people. Shinji is the first person to see her as a peer, and to treat her with kindness. With this start of forming connections, she begins to feel more human, to develop a further need to connect. Even if it's hard to fully separate from the man who created her.

THE ANGELS

The angels act as a foil to the human need for connection. While all of the human characters are lonely and searching for connection with each other, the angels are also lonely and trying to learn what that even means. 

There is no scene where the angels are working together, they are solitary, all having the same goal of reaching Adam, but incapable of planning together to achieve it. They instead try to create connection to humans, trying to bond and understand them, without knowing that their methods are harmful. 

I believe this can be first seen with the 12th angel. When Shinji is absorbed into the EVA, it is safe to say that the angel was able to understand the merging of human and EVA. This connection allowed Shinji to control the EVA to break free of the angel's shadow. The following month where Shinji is trapped within his EVA, is our first insight into what the human instrumentality project will be like, as well as the goals of the angels. 

Since angels cannot connect to each other, the 15th angel attempts to create connection by forcing itself into Asukas mind. It wants to understand her, her emotions, her thoughts, her connections, her love. For her this is a painful experience, akin to rape. She feels dirtied after it. But the attack is a beam of light, with holy music playing, what should be a calming experience. I believe it is fair to say that the angel cannot understand that it is putting her through pain, as it cannot understand any human experiences. Angels are incapable of understanding their own feelings/experiences/wants, and try to use humans as a study from which they can learn. 

The following angel confronts Rei about her loneliness. Instead of breaking into her mind through light, it directly entered her body. While talking with her, it questioned what loneliness was, trying to understand its own pain and isolation through understanding hers. Its solution is to merge with Rei, as it believes this would solve both problems. 

However, when she refuses, the angel then tries to find another source of connection. Rei cares about Shinji, as both a clone of his mother, and a friend as her own person. The angel can see that this connection is something that she finds precious and tries to take it for itself, as it cannot understand why Shinji wouldn’t feel the same. It cannot understand how complex human connections are, that it cannot simply take Reis form. However, it has learned what pain is, and how to communicate its own pain. As seen when Shinji attacks it. Whether this pain is physical or emotional doesn't matter, because it is the first pain that the angel could express.

The angels discovering what loneliness is acts as a way for the human pilots to begin to explore their own isolation in more depth. For better or worse.

THE FINAL MESSENGER

Our introduction to the final angel is him singing. He takes a human form, can fully communicate to other humans, and doesn’t immediately attack them. This is such a contrast to all other angels that it isn't immediately clear that he even is an angel. Kaworu's first words are (as per the netflix english subtitles)

“Arent songs great? Songs enrich the heart. They're the crowning achievement of Lilin culture” 

He loves humans, human culture, human lives, and the human world. He is the first angel who is able to show this. His ability to understand humans allows him to form human connections, and he does so with Shinji. 

Kaworu loved Shinji. He would seek out Shinji, take time to bond and communicate with him, and help Shinji open up. He wanted to be close with Shinji, and knew how to be gentle in ways that no other human or angel could. He was patient, because he had time. And Shinji was able to open up to him more than with any other character. Shinji  was able to take the initiative to ask to stay with him, to try and form that connection.

All the human characters are struggling with their own demons, with an apocalyptic world. The whole earth is at war and Shinji is in the front lines, surrounded by adults who may want to help him but ultimately can't. Saving everyone is a higher priority to saving one kid, especially when that kid is your strongest soldier. Throughout the series Shinji is given conditional love. It is only when he pilots the EVA, defeats the angels and saves the day that people give him validation. Then comes this boy, who is gentle and kind, who listens. And it's easy, its comfort, its understanding and unconditional love, and its exactly what Shinji has needed for the whole series. 

But as a messenger he could never stay, he's temporary and by the end of the episode he understands this. He still is driven to ‘Adam’, he has a mission, but instead he is confronted with Lilith. Kaworu understands that humans and angels cannot live together in harmony, only one can survive. Both Adam and Litlith were made in god's image, but only Adam could stay in the garden of Eden. Death and Life hold equal value to Kaworu, so he doesn't mind the sacrifice, he would rather die to protect humans, to protect Shinji. He can  also understand that this is difficult, this is murder, this is killing a friend. So he says “thank you” and he waits.

In other episodes when in a battle, Shinji is constantly being yelled at, told what to do, under constant pressure. But here there is just the same patient understanding that Kaworu has always shown him. No rush for him to take action, just time to process and grieve. Because Kaworu knows Shinji will make the hard choice and he waits, and he smiles, and he continues to love Shinji. 

The final angel came down as a messenger and said

“You are important. 

I want to talk to you, to know you. 

You are in pain, you are fragile and should be protected. 

You are worthy of my affection. 

I like you. I love you. I was born just so that I could meet you. 

Our kind cannot survive together, one of us must die. And you deserve to live. 

I will take this burden of death because you deserve a future. 

I am glad I could meet you, thank you. 

I know this is hard, and I know you need time. I will wait.

Thank you.”

That was the last message to humanity.

And because Shinji is human he says back

“We are the same. I love you too. If only one of us could have lived it should have been you. You are better than me. You should have survived.”