#I felt very sad from the phrase when looking at the drawings

[red-tea-lover]

Я все ещё пишу гребаный фанфик по дарквуду и хочу указать что скорее всего Джон Дарквуд бы СМОГ ДОЖИТЬ в теории ,если бы не "злоебучий лес инцидент" до появления Микуши и возможно даже понять прикол вокалоидов ,типа да я рандомно вкину знакомство деда лет 60(возможно 58?) с творчеством и Микушей )

I'm still writing a fucking Darkwood fanfic, and I want to point out that most likely the protagonist aka John Darkwood COULD HAVE LIVED TO SEE HATSUNE MIKU'S APPEARANCE if it weren't for the "evil fucking forest incident" like he would have been 60 years old (maybe 58?) at the time of her appearance and I think he would have been quite capable of understanding why people like vocaloids.

[ ниже будет большое пояснение как это возможно ,да это гига тупо но меня никто все равно не остановит // below there will be a big explanation of how this is possible, yes it is super stupid but no one will stop me anyway ]

Типа я настоящий нерд по старым технологиям и истории появления интернета и компьютеров в восточной Европе и думаю что ну , наш протагонист МОГ видеть и мог столкнуться со старыми компьютерами конца 70ых начала 80ых ,они были в разных НИИ(научно исследовательский институт) и скорее всего были бы использованы для расчёта всякой информации что была добыта в лесу. Типа напомню что скорее всего наш протагонист не абы кто,а человек связанный с армией и т.п, и даже если он сам не пользовался старыми эвм то явно знал тех кто мог с ними работать . Так что я думаю , в теории с крайне мелким шансом (и парой сюжетных допущений и информацией о том что в Польше интернет появился уже в 90ых как раз для сфер где работали всякие учёные и т.п) Джон Дарквуд мог случано в интернете пересечься с таким феноменом как Микуша

Like, I'm a real nerd on old technologies and the history of the emergence of the Internet and computers in Eastern Europe and I think that, well, our protagonist COULD have seen and could have encountered old computers from the late 70s and early 80s, they were in different research institutes and most likely would have been used to calculate all sorts of information that was mined in the forest. Like, let me remind you that most likely our protagonist is not just anyone, but a person connected with the army, etc, and even if he himself did not use old computers, he clearly knew those who could work with them. So I think, in theory, with an extremely small chance (and a couple of plot assumptions and information that the Internet appeared in Poland already in the 90s precisely for areas where all sorts of scientists worked, etc.) John Darkwood could accidentally cross paths on the Internet with such a phenomenon as Hatsune Miku

НИКТО МЕНЯ НЕ УБЕДИТ В ТОМ ЧТО ОН НЕ БЫЛ БЫ ТЕМ САМЫМ ЧЕЛОВЕКОМ ЧТО ШЛЕТ ВСРАТЫЕ ОТКРЫТКИ С БЛЕСТКАМИ И КОТЯТАМИ, ЕСЛИ БЫ У НЕГО БЫЛ ДОСТУП К ИНТЕРНЕТУ ЭТО БЫЛО БЫ САМОЕ УЖАСНОЕ И СМЕШНОЕ СОБЫТИЕ )))

на деле мне просто нравится использовать свой опыт из детства где мои бабушка и дедушка хорошо пользовались компьютером ещё в 2007 году когда им было как раз примерно 60+- лет ,и то что на самом деле ранний интернет это достаточно интересный концепт в историях где события на рубеже двух веков происходят. Кароче фанфик по идее "а что если чел выжил ???" превратился в самый огромный поиск информации и т.п что когда либо был. Типа вау первая глава уже занимает 25 тысяч слов а глав ещё 9...

NO ONE WILL CONVINCE ME THAT HE WOULD NOT BE THE VERY PERSON WHO SENDS CARDS WITH GLITTER AND KITTENS, IF HE HAD ACCESS TO THE INTERNET THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN THE MOST TERRIBLE AND FUNNY EVENT )))

in fact, I just like to use my experience from childhood, where my grandparents used a computer well back in 2007, when they were just about 60+ years old, and the fact that in fact the early Internet is a pretty interesting concept in stories where events take place at the turn of two centuries. In short, a fanfic based on the idea of "what if the guy survived???" turned into the largest search for information, etc. that has ever been. Like wow, the first chapter already takes up 25 thousand words and there are still 9 chapters left until the end...

[alsofoundinpeas]

I Don't Need To Know

Summary: Spencer Reid has no choice but to watch the love of his life fall in love with another man. 

CONTENT WARNINGS: 18+ MDNI!! This fic is intended for adult audiences. Major character death. HEAVY angst. Bittersweet ending? Graphic depictions of violence (for maybe two lines). Fingering (f receiving). P in v sex/unprotected sex (in terms of a condom, birth control is mentioned). Loss of virginity (both m and f). Creampie (god I hate that word ugh!!). Slight age gap (roughly five years). Argument scene that may be triggering for readers that have experienced SA or manipulation from a partner (nothing of that nature actually happens, but just in case).

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader/afab!reader

A/N: This is inspired by Will He by Joji, so I highly recommend listening to it while reading. I cried several times while writing this, but I felt it needed to be done so here it is. :’) Please tell me what you think! If you enjoy it, please like, reblog, and share it with your friends! <3 Thank you and I love you all :) (I also ask that my work not be uploaded to other platforms or translated without my explicit permission. Thank you!)

I got knots all up in my chest… Just know, I’m trying my best…

Spencer had always found the saying “If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it’s yours. If not, it was never meant to be” absurd. He couldn’t fathom willingly letting go of something he loved on the off chance that it would come back to him. Not after having everything he’d ever loved ripped from his clutches throughout his lifetime. To him, love wasn’t about releasing someone to see if they’d return. It was about holding on as though his very survival depended on it—like a feral cat finally finding food after days of hunger, sinking its teeth in and never letting go, no matter the cost. 

It wasn’t until today that Spencer finally understood the meaning of that stupid phrase. And he wished with every intricate thread of his being that he didn’t. 

Five years. Five long, agonizing years had passed. So why was he here now? Why, after what felt like an eternity of pleading for just one more moment with her, did the universe decide now was the time to give him what he wanted? 

Ironically, the timing only drove home another phrase he’d always hated: “Be careful what you wish for.” 

There she was, as beautiful as the day he’d met her, sitting in the corner of what had once been their favorite café. The sunlight streaming through the windows catches on her ring, the enticing glinting of the jewelry drawing his eyes away from her face momentarily. His heart is in his throat. She’s still wearing the wedding ring he’d given her, twisting it in the same nervous fashion she always used to. 

And there across from her is a man that isn’t him making her smile. 

‘Cause when you look… When you laugh… When you smile… I’ll bring you back…

Spencer Reid had never been a particularly angry man. He had his moments—who didn’t?—but he usually considered himself level-headed, patient. But now, watching Y/N hide a bashful smile behind the rim of her mug as she gazed at the man across from her, all Spencer could feel was rage. Raw, unbridled rage. It flared up inside him as her head tipped back, the sound of her laughter crashing over him like a tidal wave, stirring his veins with a violent rush. The same sound he’d yearned to hear again for five fucking years. And it was all because of him—Ben. 

That was his girl. His perfect, beautiful girl. The love of his life. His angel. 

All Spencer could do was stand there, feeling every broken shard of his non-existent heart pierce his chest. 

And now I’m sad… And I’m a mess… And now we high… That’s why I left… That’s why I left…

It wasn’t meant to be like this. Spencer had never wanted to leave her. But that choice wasn’t his to make. 

That cold, cruel September night six years ago had robbed Spencer of his very existence. 

Everything that could have gone wrong during that case did. The bullet wasn’t meant for him, but he took it anyway. He had traded his life in exchange for JJ’s. It wasn’t even meant to be heroic. It wasn’t done out of love. It was just instinct. It’s who he was as a person. 

Was. 

The word leaves a bitter taste in the back of his throat. Because that’s his reality now. He was a person; an agent, a professor, a son, a husband…

Now he’s… well, that he didn’t quite understand. As a man of science, Spencer was stumped by what he could even call his existence now. Calling himself a ghost felt silly—he felt as alive as the day he’d died. And yet, that was essentially what he was. A whisper of the person he’d once been. A soul caught between worlds. 

Spencer could still feel the exact moment his soul wrenched free from its physical tether to the world. Even recalling it sent a shiver down his spine. It hadn’t been peaceful, as so many people claimed in interviews. No… it had been agony in its purest form; white hot and searing as his very essence clawed its way out from his ribs. There was no light waiting for him to step into it and find peace.

Instead, he had watched helplessly as the team he called his family swarmed his dead body, uselessly screaming for a medic as the crimson puddle underneath him grew and smeared beneath their hands as they knelt beside him. He had watched Y/N swing open their door that fateful night, the excited grin on her face vanishing as she came face to face with a tearful Emily instead of the husband she’d been eagerly waiting for. And he had watched the guilt eat away at JJ as their eyes met at his funeral, the hatred on Y/N’s face so raw it made Spencer’s own stomach twist. 

Despite the Bureau's insistence, she took charge of every detail—planning his funeral in a way that honored everything Spencer would have wanted. Y/N held Diana as she wept over her baby boy's body. She delivered a eulogy that left even Spencer in shambles. She was the first person to arrive and the last to leave, waiting until everyone had left to sink to her knees beside his casket and howl her grievances. 

For that first year, Y/N was as strong as she could be during the day. She handled everything that needed to be done, as long as the sun was still up. But when night fell, and the suffocating silence of their empty home settled in… that’s when she’d finally let herself break. 

Spencer had never been a religious man, but the year after his death felt like an endless descent into his own personal hell. He would never escape the sound of those gut-wrenching screams. He cursed whatever force had condemned him to an eternity where he could do nothing but watch, powerless as Y/N crumpled to the floor night after night, her wails so desperate it seemed as though she thought breaking the sound barrier might somehow bring him back to life. 

All he could do was stay beside her, silently pleading for his touch to somehow reach her, his hands brushing over her again and again, unnoticed and unfelt. 

Time was no longer a concept to Spencer. 

The limits of his existence perplexed him. He couldn’t roam freely, couldn’t go where he pleased—he could only follow where Y/N went. It was as if his very soul was bound to hers, linked by some invisible string that kept him tied to her even in death. It brought him both joy and sorrow: joy in the fact that he could still watch her, still admire the way she carried on, and sorrow because she would never know he was there, silently urging her forward, so incredibly proud of her strength. 

The longer he lingered, the more control he gained over his abilities. It started with the smallest things—a strand of hair lifting with the brush of his fingers, a faint chill against her skin as he cradled her face while she slept. But soon, it became more. Doors creaked open as he stepped into rooms behind her, and objects shifted ever so slightly from their places when he pushed with just enough force. 

There were times when she seemed to sense him—moments Spencer cherished more than anything. In those fleeting instances, it felt as though she could see him, even though he knew she couldn’t. Every day, rain or shine, she visited his grave, and when she spoke to him, her gaze would drift forward, as if she were looking into the honey-colored eyes she once loved. Her hands would rest open in her lap, as though she knew he was holding them. When she was home, she’d speak aloud every thought that came to mind, as though she knew he could hear every word that fell from her perfect lips. And he always responded as if she could hear him in return. That was their new life for the first year after his death. 

After a year and one day, he was gone. 

That’s where his understanding of the phrase “If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it’s yours. If not, it was never meant to be” came from. It was because she had set him free. 

One whole year had passed. The hardest year of Y/N’s life. She had knelt by his grave, laying fresh flowers with trembling hands, her tears falling freely for hours. When she finally stood to leave, her legs unsteady beneath her, she pressed a soft kiss to his headstone. Through her tears, she whispered how much she missed him, how he never left her thoughts, and how she’d never stop loving him—but above all, she wished he could be at peace. And on the night following the anniversary of his passing, her wish was granted. He had faded into nothingness, existing only in her dreams and memories for five long years. 

But now, he was back. Because he had always been hers. 

Will your tongue still remember the taste of my lips? Will your shadow remember the swing of my hips? 

Spencer remembered their first time like it was yesterday, though he wasn’t sure if he could thank his eidetic memory or the fact that it was because of how remarkable it had been for the memory lingering so vividly...

“You’re lying! You’ve really never had sex before?” 

Y/N squawked the words incredulously as she sat atop Spencer’s lap, grinning down at the stammering mess of a man beneath her. Spencer’s hands flexed against her hips, unintentionally squeezing as he took a deep breath to calm himself. 

They were inside Spencer’s apartment, having enjoyed the museum and dinner but still craving each other’s company too badly to end the night there. What started as sweet, innocent pecks pressed up against the kitchen counter had quickly devolved into ravenous, passionate kisses that had them stumbling towards the couch. It was going so well… until Spencer panicked after Y/N had whispered into his ear asking how far he wanted things to go. 

That resulted in him spewing out the fact that he, at twenty-six years old, was a virgin.

“No, I haven’t! Why is that so hard to believe?” Spencer huffs, his small smile belying his annoyed tone. 

It was their sixth date total in a span of four months, but it was their first date as an actual couple. Spencer had reluctantly agreed to let Penelope set him up on a blind date after his failed attempt at taking JJ out had shattered any of the confidence he’d built up, leaving the man petrified of taking his chances romantically again. He suspected Penelope’s pity for him was why she was setting up said date to begin with, but he quickly found himself grateful that he went. 

Y/N had been friends with Penelope for years, having bonded online over some indie punk rock band that was no longer around and developing a close friendship from there despite their age difference. When Penelope found out Y/N had moved to Virginia and was single, she couldn’t resist setting the two up. 

It’s Y/N’s turn to stammer as she quickly thinks of a response. “I, uh… you’re just so handsome that I naturally assumed you’d had sex before.” 

Spencer blinks up at her skeptically, trying to detect even the faintest clue that the otherworldly woman in his lap was lying to him. All he found was nervous adoration as she stared back down at him, her cheeks flushed a beautiful shade of pink. It suited her. He wanted to cause it more often. 

“I had, um… I graduated super early from both high school and college, so I didn’t do much dating.” 

Instead of the judgment Spencer expected to see spread across her face, Y/N simply just hummed in understanding, her eyes curious as they watched him. He’d elaborate more on his unfortunate (for lack of a better term) adolescence later. For now, he just wanted to keep from scaring the poor girl off of his lap so he could taste her sweet chapstick again. 

“I see…” Y/N murmurs before continuing, shifting forward slightly with a smirk. “I’ll let you in on a little secret. I’m also a virgin.” 

Spencer’s eyes widened almost comically as he gawked up at her. His heart stutters in his chest, his mouth going dry. His tongue pokes out in a meek attempt at wetting his lips, his voice cracking as he responds. 

“Et tu, Y/N?” 

Oh fuck. Spencer hadn’t meant to let the lame reference slip from his mouth. She just made him so nervous that he couldn’t think straight, and Rome had been heavily on his mind since she had perched herself in his lap. Specifically Roman goddesses, because she looked like she should be amongst them on their thrones. Surely she was going to leave now—-

Loud, genuine laughter bubbles from Y/N’s lips, the noise startling Spencer as she tips her head back and her hands grip his shoulders to stabilize herself. She thought it was funny. She thought he was funny. 

“That’s, like, the last thing I expected you to say,” Y/N managed once her laughter had simmered down into giggles. “But, to answer your question… I too have really never had sex before.” 

Spencer knew that it wasn’t due to a lack of suitors. The woman was sex personified; the archetype of beauty and seduction wrapped into one perfect being. The twitching in his pants brought his attention back to the situation at hand. He could ask her later why that was. For now, he brought his focus back to her. 

In an uncharacteristically bold move, Spencer tilted his head up to brush their noses together. “Would you… would you want to?” 

It didn’t take a profiler to notice the hitch in her breath or the almost imperceptible squeezing of her thighs around his hips. Her pupils were already blown, her lower lip trembling from what Spencer prayed was anticipation and not regret as his question settled over her. The silence stretched between them, the seconds feeling like hours in Spencer’s overly anxious mind. 

He’d done it now. He’d gone off and opened his stupid mouth and frightened the one woman he could actually see himself having a future with because the head straining against his zipper overruled the head housing his supposed genius level IQ. The apologies were already forming in the back of his throat, but they weren’t needed because she— she was kissing him? 

“God, yes. Please,” Y/N murmured eagerly against his lips, effectively clearing every cohesive thought from his brain. 

If Spencer thought her words were enough to bring upon his undoing, he was sorely mistaken. The grinding of her hips against his erection ignited something inside of him that he had no idea existed. It was feral, drowning out all of his other emotions and replacing them with one thing: primal, unfiltered desire. 

Spencer understood now why men used to start wars over women. 

With each gasp that fell upon his ears, Spencer pledged his allegiance to her. Every stuttered moan that came into existence from his hips rutting up into her clothed core fueled his devotion to her. It was animalistic, the way his hands gripped her ass and pulled her tighter against his body as his mouth devoured her now, every cell swimming through his veins screaming for more. More of her touch, more of her taste, more of her sounds... God, those heavenly sounds that had Spencer finally believing in salvation, if only in the form of her skin against his.  

Tongues danced together as layers were hastily stripped away. Layers of insecurity. Layers of self-doubt. Layers of uncertainty. Their clothes fell to the ground as though the fabric burned them, clumsy hands fidgeting with buttons and tugging at zippers with a vendetta. 

Those layers that had crumbled so easily were replaced instead with the firm knowledge that this was exactly where they were meant to be: in each other’s arms, trembling and panting as their world’s trajectory tilted so violently it uprooted them from their upright position, knocking them down against the leather cushions as their bodies attempted to mend their separated souls back into one. 

Spencer choked on the words he wanted to worship her with, so instead he used the most primitive sense he could to get his message across: touch. His lips sucked purpling reminders into the crook of her neck of what they both knew to be true now: He is hers just as much as she is his. Lithe fingers tugged the soaked fabric of her lace panties down until they landed in a heap with their other clothes. Those same fingers pause at the crest of her most intimate spot, his eyes meeting hers with a silent plea. 

Y/N found herself in the same position, her words failing her as they were strangled in her throat by the overwhelming adoration she felt for the man hovering above her. Instead of chanting her desire for Spencer to please touch her, she canted her hips up in approval. 

Her moans were swallowed by swollen lips that claimed the sound straight from her body as nimble fingers dug themselves into the deepest parts of her. Their rhythm was clumsy but steadfast, her hips bucking against his hand in jerky movements as the palm of his hand pressed against her clit. Spencer’s own hips ground against the bare skin of her thigh, shielded only by the immature fabric of his equation-covered boxers. 

Spencer hadn’t for a second thought the night was going to go like this. If he had known he’d have the definition of art itself clawing at his shoulders and panting into his mouth while he made her legs tremble beneath him, he wouldn’t have worn what he deemed his lucky boxers. At least they had done their job, he supposed. 

Their lips separated completely as a guttural moan wrenched its way from Y/N’s throat, her body beginning to thrash wildly underneath him as the tension in her lower belly coiled tighter. Spencer wouldn’t allow her first time to happen on his couch. She was much too precious for that. But he’d already made the decision to unravel her at least once while they were there, to bring her over the edge before taking her into his bedroom so that he could experience the glorious sight of her falling apart more than once tonight. 

Spencer was a virgin, not a prude. He’d seen porn before. He’d read erotic novels. Anything he could use to try to prepare himself for the real experience, he did. But nothing could have prepared him for the downright visceral reaction Y/N had as his fingers curled and brushed against the rough patch of skin inside of her that caused the tension building in her body to snap. Her cries of pleasure tore through him as her pussy clenched around his fingers, his free hand leaving its place beside her head to keep her thighs pried open. He quickly shifted up onto his knees to watch her taking his fingers as she came, taking the pleasure he inflicted upon her. 

He sang her praises while slowing his pace, cooing softly at her as he stroked her hair and worked her through the aftershocks of her orgasm. Only when she was squirming and whining beneath him did he finally remove his fingers, sucking them into his mouth greedily. Y/N’s mouth gaped open as her chest heaved, her eyes locked on Spencer as his tongue lapped over his fingers, enjoying her essence with a groan. Her body sagged into the couch, a delighted laugh spilling from her exhausted frame as she smiled up at him, her eyes twinkling in the dim light of his living room. 

“Do you still want to keep going?” Spencer breathed as he gazed down at her, his cheeks flushed and eyes full of something that made Y/N's heart flutter. “B-because we can stop there if you want. I just… I want to do what makes you happy.” 

Above her was the man she’d recognized, soft and timid, but now with a newfound air of confidence in his eyes that hadn’t been there before. Above her was the man that she wanted more than anything. Above her was the man that she knew, without a shadow of doubt, would be her husband. 

“Spencer… if you don’t fuck me right now, then I’ll die a virgin, right here on your couch... and it will be all your fault.” 

Spencer’s hearty chuckles filled the room, his nose twitching as he grinned down at the dramatic woman. He simply couldn’t let that be her fate, could he? 

Shaking his head, he stooped down to press a gentle kiss to her nose before standing from the couch, offering her his (clean) hand. Y/N’s face twisted in confusion as she stared up at him, still reeling from the earth-shattering orgasm surprisingly given to her by the same man who’d eagerly rambled about the lore behind Doctor Who on their first date when she’d mentioned she hadn’t seen it. 

“Not here, silly girl. The bedroom,” He whispered. 

He guided her down the dark hallway as though he were escorting the most priceless treasure known to man to his bed, and in his eyes, he was. His hand stayed steady on her hip as she swayed lightly, her body pressed into his side as he opened the door with shaky hands. Any confidence Spencer had managed to muster throughout the night vanished as they crossed the threshold into his bedroom, his teeth gnawing at his lower lip gently as his courage began to crack. 

In an almost startling display of being seen, something Spencer had never experienced before, Y/N looped her arms around his neck and tugged him into a kiss that simultaneously stole the breath from his lungs and filled him with the air he needed to breathe again, effectively calming his nerves.

“It’s okay,” She reassured him against his lips. “It’s just me.” 

She walked them backward until the backs of her knees pressed into his cool comforter, taking over where Spencer so willingly handed her the reigns while he regained his momentum. She sat on the edge of his bed, her hands pressed into his hips to keep him from following after her. Her eyes met his, the moonlight streaming through his bedroom window illuminating her as though she were a vision, a figment of his imagination that he’d conjured up in the dead of night, ready to haunt his every waking moment once he inevitably woke up to an empty bed. She was too good to be true. 

Spencer’s hands fell to rest on her shoulders, just to give himself proof that Y/N was real and that he hadn’t dreamed her up or somehow followed in his mother’s footsteps and succumbed to early onset schizophrenia. 

She was real and she was here, eye level with the tent in his boxers and naked as the day she was born, her warm breath fanning across the smattering of hair trailing down from his belly button to below his underwear. His muscles tensed and twitched as she smirked up at him, pressing a tender kiss to the head of his cock through the thin fabric. His entire body flinched from that one touch, his brows furrowing together as he hissed quietly. 

“N-not that I wouldn’t love to feel your mouth on me—“ Spencer’s pitch raised as her hands found the elastic of his waistband, pulling his boxers down his legs. “But I… I won’t last if you do.” 

The fondness in her eyes quelled any humiliation he felt from having uttered those words. 

Placing a kiss to his hip, she nodded in understanding before shuffling backwards to lay in the middle of his bed, with him kneeling onto the mattress after her. The sight of her— stretched out and languid and looking at him as if she wanted to ravage him— had him sending up a silent ‘thank you’ to whatever in the universe had deemed him worthy enough of having this divine of a woman in his life. 

As Spencer reaches for his nightstand to grab a condom, Y/N stammers, grabbing his attention. He watches for a moment as she flounders over her words, his brow furrowing in concern at her sudden diffidence. 

“Are you sure you still want to do this?”

“I’m on birth control if you want to skip the condom!” 

Spencer inhales sharply at the same time she smiles sheepishly up at him, her blurted words almost making him finish before they’d even started. He holds her gaze, tracing her irises for any hint of hesitancy. When he finds none, he nods once, swallowing hard. 

“I— uh. Um...” 

It was rare that Spencer Reid was rendered speechless, but Y/N had managed to do it with just eleven words. He clears his throat, trying again. 

“Yes. Yes, I would like to skip the condom. Only if you’re absolutely sure that’s what you want.” 

“Yes. It is. I pinky promise.” 

Y/N holds up her pinky for him, the sight so endearing he can practically feel his heart melt away, dripping in a sticky mess inside him. He just grins, linking his pinky with hers before he moves to settle over her once more. 

Her fingers tangle themselves in his hair as his elbows dig into the mattress beside her ribs. The flushed head of his cock bumps against her clit as he reaches down to line himself up at her entrance, a small whine leaving her lips at the sensation. He repeats the action, dizzy from the sound of her soft noises. She was still soaked from their time on the couch, a small feeling of pride welling in Spencer’s chest at the knowledge that not only did he make her cum, but he’d kept her wet while they made it here. 

His lips meet hers in a searing kiss, the both of them quivering with anticipation at giving themselves so intimately to someone for the first time. He was happy it was her. And she was happy it was him. 

Spencer couldn’t remember a time where his mind had ever been quiet. All he knew was incessant thoughts and worries, unable to put a halt to the chaos jumbling around his brain. But as he pressed forward and sunk into Y/N for the first time, his entire mind went blank. White static crowded the spaces where various facts and tidbits of information had been stored, the only thing he was able to focus on now being the sheer ecstasy coursing through his body from being inside of her. 

His mouth hung open as his eyes rolled back into his head, his hips stilling as they pressed flush against hers. She mirrored his response, squeaking out an “oh!” as her walls fluttered around the intrusion instinctively. He throbbed in response, his head dropping to rest in the crook of her neck, unable to stop the pitiful whimper that escaped from behind clenched teeth. 

She was so tight. So wet. So warm. 

Sparks of pleasure zinged up and down his spine as he remained still, waiting patiently for Y/N to adjust to both his size and to the feeling of being filled for the first time in general. He’d wait as long as she needed him to. All he wanted was for her to feel good. To enjoy this as much as he was. 

He was a humble man, truly. But even he wasn’t too shy to admit he’d been gifted with a size that was bigger than average. Not necessarily just in length, falling just shy of seven inches, but in girth as well.  

Spencer peppered soft kisses up and down her flushed skin, feeling her rapid pulse beneath his lips. He was sure she could feel his own heartbeat pounding against his ribs from where their bare chests were pressed together. Her nipples were taut, pressing into his skin enticingly. He wanted to touch them. Taste them. But he’d wait until she was ready. He didn’t want to overwhelm her. 

At her gentle nod, Spencer lifted his head to press his forehead against hers, their lips brushing together as he pulls his hips back. The sensation of her grip tightening in his hair as he pushed forward does more to him than he’d care to admit, but he still lets her hear just how affected he is by her. With a shaky moan, Spencer repeats the motion, easing out of her before gently rocking back into her. He keeps this up for a few minutes, her sharp breaths dissolving into muted moans of her own. 

“You can— you can move faster if y-you want.” 

Spencer’s eyes flutter shut at her words, and he’s pressing a fervent kiss to her lips before he begins to really move. The sound of skin smacking together begins to fill the air as he ruts his hips into hers, his walls bearing witness to every pleasured noise that spills between them. His pace is frenzied, his rhythm stuttered, but it feels so good that neither of them really care. 

Y/N’s nails roamed his body now, alternating between dragging harsh lines into the planes of his back and burying into his shoulders to leave little tender half moons in their wake. Spencer yearned to pull every single noise that he could from her throat, planting his hands beside her head and hefting himself up for better leverage before his lips wrapped around her right nipple. He sucks harshly at the pert bud, reveling in the desperate whimper it causes. 

Spencer grunts when she clenches around him, letting his mouth glide over to her neglected breast, his hips hammering into hers now as she cries out his name over and over. He was close… so, so close. But he needed to make her cum one more time before he’d allow himself to. He needed to know what it felt like for her to fall apart around his cock. With every ounce of willpower he had, Spencer slows his hips to a stop inside of her. 

Y/N whined her discontent at his sudden pause, her eyes opening to blink hazily up at him. “Why’d you… why’d you stop?” She panted, her fingers finding and twisting her own nipples as if she couldn’t help but to touch herself. 

Spencer muffled a curse at the sight, sitting back on his haunches as he stared down at the woman beneath him with reverence. 

“Flip onto your stomach for me, angel.”

She does as instructed, wiggling her hips coyly as Spencer grabs a pillow from the head of the bed and stuffs it underneath her hips to prop her up better, ensuring she’d be comfortable. Once she’s settled on her front, Spencer wasted no time in pressing himself back into her, both of them releasing a moan so loud he’s surprised the walls don’t shake. Thank God he didn’t have neighbors right now. 

He eased himself down so his chest is pressed to her back, lavishing her neck and shoulder in open mouthed kisses while his hips drilled into her. This angle was deeper, allowing him to plow directly into her g-spot as she writhed and begged incoherently beneath him. He laced his left hand with hers, shoving them into his mattress. His other hand stuffed itself between the pillow and her wriggling body until the pads of his fingers found her clit, his breath coming out in sharp pants into her ear. 

Y/N felt delirious with pleasure, bucking her hips back in a feeble attempt to meet his. He began whispering into her ear about how good she felt around him, thanking her for allowing him to fuck her, praising her for taking him so well… 

His words paired with his fingers circling her clit have her second orgasm ripping through her body with so much ferocity that tears begin to fall down her cheeks, her eyes squeezing shut and her hand clutching his so tightly her knuckles whitened as she wailed into a pillow, gushing around him. 

Spencer let out his own guttural moan at the feeling, spilling into her with a shout as he planted his head between her shoulder blades, his hips weakly thrusting into her as they rode out their climaxes. 

He held her until her tremors stopped. He kissed her forehead before he darted off to the bathroom to get a warm rag to clean her with. He thanked her in soft whispers as her eyes began to drift shut before he’d even finished cleaning his mess between her thighs. 

And he knew, watching the gorgeous woman before him sleep so soundly in his bed after they’d just defiled each other’s innocence, that he was looking at his future wife. 

Will your lover caress you the way that I did? Will you notice my charm if he slips up one bit? 

The air was thick with tension as Y/N stared at Ben, her chest heaving and eyes watering at the hurt look on his face. Spencer watched from the corner, his concern for his wife outweighing the jealousy he had previously felt when he watched the couple slip into her— though he still selfishly thought of it as their— bed. Y/N had been dating Ben for three months now. That made for three months that Spencer ached so heavily he’d sometimes wish he could fade back into nothingness if it meant he didn’t have to watch the love of his life with another man. 

The furthest Ben and Y/N had gone physically was a few pecks here and there, with Y/N always being the one to draw away and cut the kisses short. Ben had played the nice guy act, reassuring her that he understood her hesitance and that he’d be okay doing whatever she was comfortable with. Spencer despised him. He could see right through Ben’s facade, and if he could do more than nudge a door open, he’d make that hatred known. But he couldn’t. 

Spencer watched on with furrowed brows as Y/N reached a shaky hand over and turned the lamp on her nightstand on, illuminating the dark room in a soft glow that contrasted with the dark energy that began to cloud the small space. Spencer could see it all on Ben’s face: hurt, betrayal, anger. He could see the fear, guilt, and shame on Y/N’s. 

This was the first night Y/N had tried to push past her discomfort so that she could offer Ben more than just false promises of physical intimacy. It started slow, with soft kisses that dissolved into hungrier ones as they laid together in the dark. But the second Ben went to roll on top of her, sliding a hand down her body to pull her hips against his, she panicked. Her body jolted, and her hands had shot out instinctively to shove him off of her, leaving them where they were now in some sort of silent standoff. 

Spencer knew as soon as it had happened just why it did. She had thought of him. His guilt overruled the smug pleasure he’d felt as he watched it unfold. As painful as it had been watching Y/N move on with her life, all he ultimately wanted was for her to be happy. Spencer had been barely thirty-five when he passed, and she had only been thirty. That left almost an entire lifetime ahead for her, and even though he so desperately wanted to have lived that lifetime with her, he had to accept that that wasn’t what fate had in store for them. 

“I-I’m sorry-”

“What the fuck is your problem?” 

Spencer’s jaw tightened at the same time Y/N’s dropped. 

“Excuse me?” Y/N leveled Ben with a narrowed glare, rage flashing in her eyes in place of the shame that had just been there. 

“I get that you have a dead husband. I’ve tried to be patient with you. But fuck! It's been six years, Y/N. It’s time for you to move on,” Ben seethes, his face reddening with a mixture of embarrassment and anger. “I can’t even touch you without you flinging me off of you!” 

It’s as though Y/N is the exact physical embodiment of Spencer’s own emotions, physically reacting in the way that he can’t. She was out of the bed before Spencer could even blink, marching over to the bedroom door and yanking it open. Ben watches in bewilderment, his mind clearly not catching up with what was happening. 

“Get out of my fucking house.” 

Y/N’s voice is cold as she stares menacingly at Ben. When he doesn’t move, she speaks again, her voice louder. “Get out of my fucking house, Ben!” 

Ben stammers, standing from the bed and attempting to plead his case. “Babe, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that, I just-”

“I don’t care. Get out of my house,” Y/N repeats herself, cutting off his pathetic excuses. 

Spencer smirks proudly from beside her.

 That’s his girl. 

Ben sighs, hanging his head and scrubbing his hands frustratedly across his face. 

“If you kick me out over some guy that’s been dead for six years, then we’re over. For good.” 

Spencer cackles at Ben’s proposition, though it can’t be heard by either party in the room. That was his attempt at fixing things? Seriously? Good riddance. He’d drag the guy out of there himself if he could. 

“If I haven’t made myself clear, we’re already over. No one talks about my husband like that. Now get out before I call the police and have you escorted off of my property.” 

It doesn’t take long after that for Ben to tuck his tail and leave, slamming the front door on his way out. Y/N’s steam runs out the second his car pulls out of her driveway, tears streaming down her face as she curls up on her couch. 

Spencer’s own chest twinges uncomfortably as he sits beside her, stroking her hair despite her inability to actually receive the comfort. He didn’t know what hurt more; watching his beautiful, broken girl sob and not being able to stop her tears, or being the cause of the tears himself. He had to do something, anything to let her know he was still there and that he still loved her beyond death. 

The same time Spencer stands is the same time Y/N’s tears pause, a hiccup rocking her frame before she glances up. 

“Spence?” Y/N calls softly. Spencer’s heart would have stopped right there had he not already been dead.

Spencer turns slowly from his place at the end of the couch, his eyes wide and hopeful as he responds. “Yes, angel?” 

His hope fades as he realizes she isn’t looking at him, rather her eyes are just darting around the room. 

“Spencer I… I know it’s been awhile since I’ve talked to you. And for that, I’m so sorry,” Y/N starts, her voice cracking. “I don’t know if you can even hear me. Or if you ever could. But I miss you. I miss you in my bones. I just… you were— are my everything.” 

The lump in her throat grows as the tears begin to stream down her face again. Spencer’s own eyes sting with tears that she’ll never see drip down his face. He swallows hard, making his way over to their— yes, their— bookshelf. 

“I’d give anything to have you back in my arms… I should have begged you to leave the BAU and just teach full-time if it meant I could still have you here, safe and at home. It’s not even a home without you.” 

Y/N sobs freely now, tucking her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them before she buries her head into them. 

Every ounce of grief, guilt, sadness, and anger from what his death has done to his precious girl fuels Spencer to do something he deemed impossible: he yanks the leatherbound notebook holding their vows inside of it off of the bookshelf, sending it tumbling to the ground in a desperate attempt to show her that he’s still there and that he still loves her. 

The noise causes a yelp to slip from Y/N’s lips, her head jerking up as the book hits the hardwood floor with a loud thump. It had fallen open exactly to where Spencer wanted it to: the page starting his vows to her.  Y/N crawled from the couch to the book, her trembling hands lifting the journal so that she can read the words her husband wrote to her ten years ago. With a deep exhale, she sits cross-legged on the hardwood floor, reading Spencer’s chicken scratch he called handwriting with a heavy heart. And for the first time since his casket closed, she feels a sense of peace wash over her. She was going to be okay, despite it all, because he was hers just as much as she was his.

Continued A/N: Ahh!! Ghost!Spencer my beloved. :') JUST TO CLARIFY: I am not a JJ hater!! It just fit better for the story to have her be the one this all happened for. I hope you guys enjoyed reading this fic just as much as I enjoyed writing it. I look forward to sharing more in the future with you as my blog grows <3

K <3

[papiliotao]

・❥・BEAUTY AMIDST AN ENDLESS NIGHT

♡ — Reader: GN

♡ — Characters: Albedo, Alhaitham, Kazuha, Scaramouche, Thoma, Tighnari, Venti, Xiao, Zhongli

♡ — Synopsis: on days where you feel as though the world is against you, your lover is there to cheer you up.

♡ — Content: fluff, modern AU, established relationship, generally soft

♡ — Word Count: around 200 per a character

♡ — A/N: the fact that I wrote this solely because I get sad for no reason sometimes. I'm sure there are people out there who can relate though. For anyone going through tough times, stay strong and keep going! I hope this fic will be able to cheer you up a little. (P.S. the parts for each character are arranged in alphabetical order if you're looking for anyone specific)

As your boyfriend, it is both ALBEDO’s duty and pleasure to remind you how much you mean to him whenever melancholic feelings of dread weigh your heart down. You watch as he flips through the pages of a worn sketchbook sitting in his small art studio within your shared home. It is filled with the most wondrous portraits of landscapes, wildfires, and even people. However, Albedo completely disregards those works. Instead, he opts to point out particularly detailed drawings strewn throughout the sketchbook. Intersecting lines form picturesque depictions of the memories you share with Albedo. On one page, your first date. On another, your first night together. But it is the final page he shows you that causes you to raise an eyebrow at him. It seems to resemble a rather average day in your life. In the sketch, you and Albedo are conversing in a mundane setting; there’s really nothing special to be seen. When you ask your boyfriend about it, he allows a gentle laugh to escape the confines of his lips. Then, he points out all the finer complexities of the work. From the lovestruck expression on his face to the way he flawlessly replicated your every feature, you begin to realize how much Albedo thinks about you on a daily basis. Upon reaching this epiphany, the feelings of insecurity and bitter frustration that have been permeating every inch of your mind dissipate ever so slightly, and it’s all thanks to Albedo’s love.

On days where it feels as though you’re drowning in a sea of your own sadness, you are thankful for your lover’s relaxed demeanour. ALHAITHAM’s voice is the only sound that cuts through the tangible silence permeating the air of your living room. He recites complicated words adorning the pages of one of his rather verbose books as you sit beside him, leaning against his muscular figure. Although you can’t understand half the phrases that leave his lips, you feel at ease. His calm voice lulls you into a dreamlike trance, acting as a temporary ailment to the negative emotions that threaten to overwhelm you. So instead of paying heed to the disturbing feelings of deep melancholy that plague your fragile heart, you direct all your attention to the alluring sound of your loving speaking and the feeling of his body pressed against your own, allowing yourself to get lost in every single intricacy of his mannerisms — the very subtleties that you love him for.

Everything about today has felt rather off. Happiness eludes you, avoiding you like an ancient plague, causing feelings of unadulterated sorrow to bubble up within the depths of your soul. Although you’re trying to conceal all your woes behind a carefully-crafted mask of smiles and feigned lighthearted laughter, your facade is akin to porcelain — delicate and fragile, cracking under the slightest pressure. And to no one’s surprise, KAZUHA is able to see through your meticulously-designed illusion of exuberance instantaneously. The subtle sighs and breaks in your expression prompt him to drag you to bed as soon as you’re finished with your daily tasks under the guise that he wants to cuddle. In reality, he knows that you’re having a rather difficult time, and he wants nothing more than to hold you and kiss the pain away, so as of now, you are wrapped in his warm embrace as he continuously presses his soft lips to the back of your neck. His snowy hair tickles your skin as he comforts you, and between each chaste kiss, he whispers sweet nothings into your ear, assuring you that tomorrow, the sun will rise again, giving way to a brighter day full of ecstasy and warmth.

Some days you can’t help but feel as though the world has been obscured by veils of endless blue. Everything feels mundane, and you just can’t bring yourself to smile. Thankfully, even in moments as perturbed as these, you are able to seek a small bit of solace by confiding in SCARAMOUCHE. To others, he seems brash and insensitive, but when it comes to you, he is attentive beyond measure. So when signs of melancholy begin to show through the cracks in your demeanour, your lover drops what he is doing and turns his focus to you. He insists on taking you out to a mysterious location, and although skepticism floods your thoughts, you eventually give in, agreeing to trust Scaramouche despite his enigmatic musings. Your boyfriend drives you to a quaint location situated in the middle of nowhere by the light of the setting sun. As you exit his car, you are greeted by the scent of the evening air, refreshing and cool, just what you need after a long day of feeling down. Scaramouche intertwines his fingers with yours, grasping onto you like a lifeline. He pulls you through a sparse line of trees, and although the darkness of the night obscures your vision, you trust your lover to guide you. When you clear the grove of vegetation, you are met with a sight that causes your breath to catch in your throat. Scaramouche has brought you to a cliff in a secluded area overlooking the city. Millions of stars adorn the velvety royal blue of the night sky, illuminating the world below, and the lights that glitter from the distant urban area fill you with a sensation of nostalgic ease. As you sit down on the soft grass beside Scaramouche, a sense of calm washes over you. Here, beside your lover and under the watchful gaze of the luminous celestial bodies up above, you finally feel at peace.

Amidst restless hours filled with uncertainty and unwanted negativity, THOMA is like an effulgent light piercing through the darkness that clouds your mind. He caters to your every need, doing anything your heart desires in order to remedy your pain even the slightest bit. Right now, he is standing in front of the stove, his back to you as he attentively prepares a meal. A mouthwatering fragrance drifts through the air as he cooks, and the warmth that fills the kitchen from the stove melts the icy cage of sadness surrounding your heart ever-so-slightly. When Thoma finally finishes, he plates the food in a meticulous manner and then shifts all his attention to you. The steam from the fresh meal caresses your cold cheeks as your lover peers deep into your eyes, displaying to you a wondrous sea full of olive green lights as you lock gazes. Before you can thank him for making dinner, Thoma leans over the table and presses a tender kiss against your cheek — one filled with all the gentleness and comfort of the sun on hazy winter days, making even the harshest of stinging winds just a little more bearable.

Whenever the world seems grey, shrouded in the gloominess plaguing your heart, TIGHNARI never fails to restore the beauty of the vibrant hues around you by bringing you bright bouquets of delicate flowers. Vivacious translucent petals tickle your nose as you breathe in the floral scent of the blossoms you are holding in your hands. The perfumed aroma that fills the air causes the tension in your shoulders to relieve slightly. A sigh of contentment escapes your lips as Tighnari takes the flowers from you and places them in a vase. His fingertips brush against your hands, leaving a tingling sensation in their wake. In a hushed voice, he begins to explain the symbolism behind each plant in the bouquet. From blush pink azaleas to the fragile and pure lily of the valley, your lover knows of the meanings behind each floret, listing them off one by one. You know that the only reason he’s rambling on and on is to distract you from the thoughts that wrack your restless mind, and for that, you are beyond thankful.

When VENTI first proposes the idea of going on a picnic, hesitance overtakes you. You know he’s just trying to cheer you up, but you’re not quite sure if you’re in the mood to go out. Nonetheless, he manages to convince you that leaving the confines of your house to breathe in the crisp, late spring air and surround yourself with the viridescent foliage of the outdoors will work wonders for your mood, so you allow him to drag you to the park, albeit somewhat begrudgingly. When you arrive at your destination, Venti sets a blanket down on the lush grass, and atop the checkered quilt, he places a weaved basket. Upon opening the basket, you discover that it is filled with all your favourite delectable treats, so despite the bitterness of the day, a small smile settles on your face. As you begin to grin, Venti sings you a song, imbuing each lyric with softness and tenderness, conveying to you that even in the darkest of hours, he will always be by your side. The wind tousles your hair as the sound of leaves rustling in a gentle zephyr rings out like a backing track to Venti’s angelic voice. For the first time that day, you feel a sense of ease settle over you.

XIAO isn’t great at comforting people, but each time he sees your empty expression, he feels his heart shattering into countless fractured crystal shards. Despite knowing that he’s not the most qualified to help you deal with your worries, you still decide to go to him to seek consolation, so in spite of the fact that he is rather inexperienced, Xiao tries his best. He tells you to rest and immediately tucks you into bed with a sweet yet endearingly shy kiss on the forehead. Before he leaves the room, he whispers a few honeyed words in a voice that somehow feels softer than usual, reassuring you that everything will be alright, and when he finally exits, he sets himself to work on all the unfinished chores around the house. He works diligently while you relax under the silky covers of your bed, and although it takes a while, when Xiao finishes with your trivial tasks, he joins you in bed, wrapping an arm around you and allowing you to bury your head in his chest, breathing in his comforting scent as you feel yourself drifting off into a blissful realm of alluring slumber.

On days where joy evades you, ZHONGLI never fails to find a way to comfort you. His presence alone is calming, but when coupled with his actions, you feel as though you can almost continue with your daily routine as usual. At the moment, you are sitting with Zhongli in your living room as your hands are wrapped around a teacup. Condensation graces your palms, and it would be unpleasant if not for the warmth seeping into your body through the delicate porcelain of the cup. As you take a sip of the drink, you allow an airy sigh of contentment to slip through your lips. It’s absolutely divine, reminiscent of the finest ambrosia, something straight out of the tales your lover is currently recounting. Your mind feels as though it is clinging onto his voice, hanging onto his every syllable to regain a sense of stability despite the fog that clouds your thoughts. He spins stories of downfalls and triumphs, some tales downcast while others inspirational, and in the midst of his narration, you find yourself transported to a different world full of fantasies — an oasis of reprieve hidden away from the monotonous and lamentable reality facing you.

Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed this, then reblogs and comments would be appreciated!

[blackstarchanx3new]

FSR rambles 23

Oh boy. We're here!

This page was basically EXCLUSIVLY made to be a cover art page. XDDD

It was really fun figuring out the environment and capturing the vibe of the OOT Water Temple boss fight room with Dark Link.

This is a direct inspiration of that.

I'm STILL salty we NEVER got a proper manga adaptation of that fight.

I could go on a huge rant about how Dark Link's utilization was AWFUL in OOT's manga...like AWFUL especially knowing what it could have been with my own exploration into Dark Link's character (I say with the huge note that Dark Link is very OC coded in FSR...)

The Dark Link Fight is an isolating PERSONAL fight and the OOT manga turned it into a fucking display for the entire Kakariko village for them to kiss Link's ass for and it didn't feel properly introspective or deep or...anything. Relegating Dark to just a random demon that wore Link's face to fuck with him and not a reflection of his own darkness and insecurities, his flaws. His sins.

The reveal for Dark Link is PERFECT in the OG game, you lacking a reflection as soon as you pass the tree with a split branches. He's literally your reflected mirror image.

The fact we were robbed of seeing just how personal and frightening and introspective that could have been is just mnghghghg.

Wasted potential is the phrase that comes to mind with that adaptation of Dark Link.

There's another level of him being in the water temple because water shows your reflection. (Also...Deadhand's creepy ass getting completely cut from that manga...WHY. We could have had it all. 😭)

And it makes me so sad because Shadow is such a GOOD adaptation of an evil Link from the same artists. 😭 Giving Shadow SO MUCH that wasn't there in the og game.

Like...agh.

Dark in Twilight princess is a huge upgrade and was a huge inspiration to FSR Dark Link's character of reflection (Seriously read his scenes in TP, you will see FSR Dark Link's inspiration X'DDD)

Anyway...

I really like Legend of Zelda... And I've always loved Dark Link as a character if you couldn't tell from me utilizing him a LOT in FSR given the chance.

Anyway smth stupid about this page: hur de duur Dark is looking up Blue's skirt.

I remember just layering and layering effects onto this page. The fog and Dark's rippling visage in the water are some of my favorites.

Blue's in his cozy lil headspace.

Far away from people trying to keep him in what is to him: A torturous experience.

Blue made it VERY CLEAR he hates being Link and it's stressful and suffocating for him.

Just the thought of being Link again is deeply anxiety inducing for him. So he's retreated into a place of complete isolation.

He just wants to be alone right now.

Dark's boss room felt like a nice way to show that. ^w^

Blue in a lot of ways feels utterly LIED TO.

Splitting up with the sword was a promise they were going to be OKAY and safe. Because being Link is a DEATH SENTANCE to him.

So the prospect of going back is terrifying.

Peek a boo. Hi Dark Link. XD

That creepy ass grin as he slinks out of the water is very Ben drowned inspired haha.

There's a few pieces of Ben Drowned Fan art I've seen over the years that I thought of when drawing this one.

Like, the idea he's been walking underwater for WHO KNOWS HOW LONG just to follow Blue is very creepy.

Like, he doesn't seem the need to breathe. (He doesn't)

The lonely dirt or sand hilltop was an oasis from people but Dark pursued anyway. Dark got to him across this vacuous empty space of nothing but water.

Dark takes a moment to just stare at Blue and the situation.

And approaches slowly and carefully at first, before declaring himself and his intentions.

He gets a certain type of way when he gets no response.

Blue continues not to notice him. Green had a better handle on his own head and managed to decipher someone was up to something pretty quickly but Blue is shuts him out entirely.

He gets upset enough to clench his fist in anger but doesn't swing or do anything particularly violent yet. He just gives up and sits alongside Blue muttering he didn't really EXPECT Blue to respond but just wanted him too.

Dark Link is very used to disappointment at this point in the story. He's also the kind of person to only give as much effort as required of him.

Lifting his head back up he's in a blizzard...HUH.

He comes across a door and...just breaks the lock.

"That's not how the game is played-"

Instead of trying to get a key he just breaks it. X'D

Dark really doesn't play around.

Looking around, he gets attacked by...a blonde Blue-

Apparently this phantom is a "Faker" and "not the real blue" according to Dark.

...Care to elaborate on what that thing IS Dark- Nope okay...

If you want my stupid thoughts: It's a representation of Blue pushing people away and wanting privacy rn.

Since literally locking himself up didn't work he's lashing out.

When defeated this thing just turns into a puff of smoke that's the same shades as Dark's hair when he mimics Blue.

Dark Link doing his usual thing, which is tearing people down.

I refer to this as "The bisexual lighting Dark Link panel" because that's what it ended up being and it's hilarious.

Dark Link is the bisexual representation yall deserve-

...I'll let myself out-

Okay though seriously I do love this panel because it's so over dramatic.

Dark Link's crazy faces are fun as hell and he has a way with being a perfect muse. 🖤

The blue bleeding into red with Dark's mania and typical color scheme taking over the cold freezing blue with red hot anger and annoyance on Dark's end.

This is also a detail so small I don't think anyone would care or notice otherwise: Dark Link is drawn with Blue's nose. X'D

Him mimicking people's facial features doesn't pop up too often but originally I did want him to do it more often.

Dark has to drag himself out of his literal purpose and uhh, safe to say he's getting pissed off.

When Dark Link gets particularly angry across the "Darkblue" interaction he copes by clenching his fist in anger to try and dispel it. This dude would love stress balls X'D

Trying to keep a cheery attitude about something he WAS excited about, while faced with a task that's just infuriating him is getting to him.

he's not gloomy for long because he finds Blue hiding from him in a giant ice hide away.

Stupid art detail: I just like when Dark has gloves that are tinted red. It's cute.

Dark acknowledges he could brute force his way into the ice block if he wanted too but is just too lazy. XD

Dark just spilling his own opinions everywhere when given a captive audience.

he's just a lil guy with his heart on his sleeve, just wants to share his opinions on stuff like what color is he prefers and trying to relate to the other party.

He liked the blue fire he saw in SOMEONE's memories (Haha BOTW reference hello)

Blue's preference for green also being a reference to him trying to steal Green's clothing in the original FS. Though...there's also the question to be had if the colors would actually HAVE different likes and dislikes when it comes to things such as favorite colors or food...? Personality wise they're very different but would that change something like that?

Anyway, Blue finally starts to realize SOMEONE is talking to him.

LOL So this is the first time Dark Link's gender has been called into question by someone.

...Funny thing about that: Dark Link doesn't really understand gender. X'D

I head cannon him with an...interesting voice. Most of the time I see him sounding like Blue diamond from Steven universe.

When he's screaming though, Invader Zim. X'D (Think Zim screaming "YOU'RE LYING!!!!" and you got what I think he sounds like when he screams)

Sometimes when he's broody Legoshi from Beastars.

Basically: if someone voiced him, they'd either have to have insane range or he'd have to be voiced by multiple people.

Anyway back to Dark's gender.

he mimics people.

He's only been around MEN outside of Zelda (And her gender is less than straight in FSR lmfao, think back to when Link referred to her with they/them)

So...He's only mimicking men for the most part.

Link didn't have a maternal figure in his life, so Dark's understanding of women is super limited.

He also just uses his own name as a pronoun.

Dark Link's third person speak is very particularly written...I'm very particular about it.

Example of how I'd write a sentence and what I'd avoid if it makes sense:

Correct O "Dark Link would NEVER do that!? Do you think I'm stupid!?"

Incorrect X "Dark Link would NEVER do that!? Do you think he's stupid!?"

...I hate the idea Dark would refer to himself in complete third person. It would sound childish vs him just using his own name as a pronoun like "I/me/Myself"

Cause...if you've noticed only OTHER characters refer to Dark link with gendered pronouns. Dark Link only refers to himself as "I/Me/Dark Link"

Usually Dark Link refers to himself when he's distancing himself from his actions or just when I think it'd be funny/fitting.

So yeah, the curse doesn't really have a gender and everyone so far has just assumed he's a dude. XD Dark Link himself doesn't correct anyone because...why would he?

I don't think Dark would understand that he/she/they aren't universal pronouns for every person. XD

If you're wondering for future/current readers: This is also why he doesn't care Vio calls him an "it" or a "Thing".

Those are just descriptors of what he is.

he knows everyone calls Zelda a "She" and has called Zelda as such but I doubt he'd know why or when to use it otherwise. he'd just follow everyone else's lead.

ANYWAY.

YEAH DARK LINK FUCKS WITH GENDER.

So like...I've mentioned it before SOMEWHERE but in FS they just...straight up have telepathy??? Like Vio uses it to get Blue and Red to come to the Shadow temple AND Green (Imo) is woken up by Vio calling out to him when he wakes up from the massage.

So like...it's just cannon they can use telepathy with each other so here's blue referencing he'd know what the others sound like X'D

Cause of his curiosity the ice melts because...well he wants to know who's talking to him.

Dark's really happy about being let in. Announcing "Found you!" like he won a game of hide and seek.

Blue continues to push the fact he wants to be alone right now but Dark's too busy being weird.

Dark...buddy...Don't touch people's face like that.

Just seeing if Blue's lips are kissable I guess. XDDD

Blue's not fully in the headspace mindset yet so he's having a hard time visualizing Dark Link atm.

But he KNOWS that voice.

So Dark tries to appeal to Blue's emotions to get him to go back home...instead of just tearing him down.

Nice use of your powers buddy.

We get a nice POV shot of the blurred mess Blue sees of Dark's silhouette.

Dark's words in the first panel really do seem like sympathy...but it's hard to tell with him.

Blue gets frustrated enough he drags himself into the headspace to confront this mystery guy.

OOp-

We're back in the boss room.

You know what that means.

Blue fully recognizing and talking to Dark surprises Dark since he was SHOCKED Green fully noticed him.

Though this time...he seems...not happy.

Ngl, Dark's pissed off face sends me.

He's SO PISSED that Blue's pulling this crap on him.

I think Blue's phrasing specifically is what did it for Dark to snap.

"WHEN ARE WE GOING TO GET A DAMN BREAK!?" - Blue shouted...at the disgruntled worker who can't take a break.

Dark even points out as much he could echo the sentiment.

Dark's just full of anger at this point at how this "Mission" has gone and has divulged into childish as hell insults.

Dark saying Blue's face is "hideous" and Blue immediately making an unattractive face is one of those things I just find so stupidly funny. (Dark ALSO making an unattractive face while saying it lmfao)

Just hits the funny bone just right. It's so stupid.

Dark Link proceeds to throw a piss baby tantrum.

ya know what pal, if I had to deal with BLUE I'd be at my limit too. XDDD

He's really just reflecting and taking out the rage that's been building and only getting worse since he's around Blue.

...Okay so I don't repeat myself, this entire fight is hilarious to me.

The eyebrow comment is so stupidly childish and it's funny DARK is the first one to point out Blue's MASSIVE EYEBROWS.

Dark is pissed off enough to actually fight somewhat competently to knock Blue onto his ass.

Dark's main method of attack is disarming his enemy. He knocked Shadow on his ass too and kept Vaati pinned when they fought after cutting his tentacles.

Dark's just loves breaking down your defences. ;)

HAND TRAUMA WARNING!!!

Blue accurately accesses Dark is shorter than him. (Blue's the tallest of the four colors in FSR.)

Even touching a sore spot with Dark being compared to Shadow Link.

Dark doesn't take that comparison well at ALL causing him to cut his own hand off just to win the fight.

And since the readers got hindsight: Dark Link's steaks in this fight are WAAAAY bigger than Blue's.

Dark gets chronic pain after he gets hurt by the Four Sword. (Granted timeline wise it's still the same day comic wise. 💀) Him holding the blade of his sword to avoid Blue getting him in the face and cutting his own hand off to avoid it was in a lot of ways the ONLY way out of that...Well if he was human.

I think there's a lot to be said about Dark literally harming himself to win this fight

He doesn't value himself much.

And that's a perpetual theme with him.

Dark just doesn't care about his own safety much.

Again, Dark already cut off his own hand and then GRABES THE BLADE OUCH DUDE.

These panels are pretty quick paced but dude's eyes have been the "Rage" eyes for awhile.

I usually draw Dark with these eyes when he's at his peak anger or manic.

Dark's cute lil horns popped out and his hat has a lil tail to it's end looking a LOT like vaati's.

MMMMM

Blue is SHOCKCED this guy would do something so drastic just to win.

Like reguardless of it growing back, I think most of us would have hesitation to CUTTING OFF YOUR OWN HAND.

Originally: Dark was meant to cut off his fingers, but ahh. Changed it because someone I know doesn't like finger/hand trauma. (There's a reason why there's a "mildly censored" of these pages.

Also the blood: Dark's blood dripping into Blue's eye literally clouding his vision and representing him being blinded by red/rage. XD

Hehe literal stuff.

It's also the eye that ends up glitching into Link's eye so...Hmmm wonder if there's a connection there.

Reasonable question from Blue. His shaky word bubble shows he's kinda afraid of that outcome.

Dark's downright offended by the suggestion though before laughing in Blue's face.

The "Are you stupid?" face is so silly. I'm sure a lot of you can tell it's inspired by the Excalibur face. XD

You can't "The writer's barely disguised fetish" me here, I added Dark pulling Blue's hair for someone else XDDD

FSR is nothing if not horny as hell.

The mention of Green snaps Blue out of having his hair yanked by this weirdo.

Stupid cut content rant:

Originally Dark Link was going to meet ALL the Links spare Green and Shadow all together (Vio/Blue/Red) and his rabbit dog line was actually in reference to Blue being PISSED about Dark.

La de daaa rewrites and ba boom they met here and Darkblue happened so.

Eh if you were interested. A lot of ideas end up being reused.

The idea of Dark reflecting Blue's toxic and overwhelming anger was used to a much better affect here than in the og brainstorming I think.

If you want another freaky cut detail:

Back when Dark had a bigger antagonist role. He went WAAAY deeper into his mental torture on Blue.

(Ya know. usual villain things like cosplaying vio's corpse)

Dark was less of a character in the older drafts and more of a HORROR creepy pasta character haha. more of what we saw Vio going through less of a hopeless romantic. XD

But the fact they had a boss fight has been around in the drafts since Dark's inception pretty much. Though the OG Darkblue fight had WAY more steaks and was towards the end of the og script draft of FSR.

Art wise I'm not completely happy with this page. Dark...buddy where's your eye shines. And MAN I wish I made the water more than JUST a gradient but ahh what can ya do. I release these daily sometimes with 6 page updates.

Can't always be bangers.

Dark expresses his "This is why you don't meet your heroes" rant because he's having an autistic meltdown shit didn't go the way he wanted. (Ya know what. Same sometimes pal)

Just throwing Blue back his sword in anger, to which Blue reaches for.

Dark is reasonably tired of this and expresses how HE feels about his situation.

This is more fucked up when you consider the four sword leaves Dark with serious pain.

Dude just offered to become Blue's punching bag "if it'll make him happy".

Dark's self worth is in the toilet and it's even worse because some part of him MUST think Blue might take him up on that offer.

Whatever fulfils his promise to Green.

Having this slung at his face Blue doesn't exactly take it well.

I've touched on it before but I really do feel like blue didn't ACTUALLY get much growth in his anger department. his anger just stopped being used as a punchline when he physically hurt the other 3.

Like...that's not character growth???

I really feel like we could have used a scene where characters REALLY touched on "hey, when you hurt people that isn't fucking cool" To blue but idk.

Like we got a very watered down idea of that where the fairy tells blue to stop being so mean but it's so soft and underplayed idk.

I really wanna touch on how I'd rewrite Blue's arc whenever I make a video dissecting the FS manga because I feel like blue has a LOT of potential to show someone coping with anger issues better.

Dark calling him out here forces him to recognize the gravity of his abuse towards the others.

And it'll be touched on again when Blue talks about how Vaati treats Dark Link, and how that pisses him off.

I just personally like how in realizing how his actions come off and how they hurt others (Specifically Dark Link here) Blue chooses to try and be better going forward.

Blue's defences kick in at first when Dark sugjests he take his anger out on him, and it's "Just something he needs to get used to" because he's bitter over what Vaati's been putting him through, what Shadow put him through even and the fight Blue and him JUST HAD.

Almost ALL of Dark's interactions, aside from Green's have been physical violence and that finally caught up with him and by proxy got him angry enough to confront blue on his behavior.

It's enough to make Blue think for a second like "No I'm not like that" so he immediately jumps to "Why would you say that!?".

Then to blaming Dark Link as he tries to rationalize before defaulting to wreck less anger just shouting for Dark Link to die as his terror at his own actions consume him.

The paneling reflecting how the darkness and his horror spread further and further.

We reached the 30 page limit sooooo we'll hop into this again soon. XD

[mrhaitch]

did you have any men you looked up to, growing up? did you have any role-models of healthy love that is properly received or given(whether in media or otherwise) that helped you arrive where you are as a loving, involved father and husband today?

Not really, no. Bits and pieces from some relatives or people who were in my life when I was younger: my paternal grandfather for one. He is a gentle and softly spoken man, who emphasises diplomacy and listening. One of his most frequent phrases, usually as a preamble to his joining a discussion is "From this point of view..."

I've always loved him for that, starting any kind of discussion fully prepared to be proven wrong, allowing the space for disagreement. It's a rare and wonderful thing.

A lot of how I am now also comes from idolising my aunt's partner from my early childhood. He was an academic and a musician, and he had a talent for making you feel seen. He was the first person to talk to me like what I thought and felt mattered, that my interests were valid. He was always kind, enthusiastic, and knew how to draw me out of myself. Sadly he and my aunt separated when I was in my early teens and I've never seen him again.

With that said, I've always had a very strong sense of self - a clear idea of who I was and what I wanted to be. Or, more specifically, what and who I didn't want to be - which was most of the men around me. Men who carried sadness and confusion like a weapon. Men who saw their partners as objects or toys or tormentors, and their children as burdens or irritants.

Haitch is probably the biggest inspiration, or rather who she made me want to be. The best relationships are the ones that show you how far you've got to go, the best partners are the ones that inspire you to be better. The ones that inspire you to discard fear, ego, and hubris, that inspire you to expose yourself to the possibility of being hurt. That make you want to take that step off the cliff into infinity, even if you can't see the bridge beneath your feet waiting to carry you across.

With all of that said - I don't see, nor have I ever seen, myself as being in anyway exceptional. My behaviour is, to my mind, just basic decency and humanity. If you love someone - show it. Treat them with dignity and warmth. If you have children or find yourself responsible for them, dig deep and find the things they need within yourself.

I'll wrap up with my favourite Kurt Vonnegut quote, because it's basically a tradition now for me to have a quote for every occasion:

[ink4spots]

Rohan apologizes?!

In which Rohan is mean to Ryoma and regrets it, which turns into him begrudgingly asking Reimi for advice about how to make amends.

Characters: Rohan Kishibe, Ryoma Román, Reimi Sugimoto.

Pairings: Ryohan

Genre: Fluff? It's lighthearted idk

(A/N): No art for this one sadly (yet) since art fight just started, but! There's a little something extra at the end.

For the last fifteen minutes, Ryoma had been rambling on without end. He had made the mistake of mentioning insects, unaware about how passionate they were for the subject, which had triggered this bout of chattiness. He liked bugs as much as the next guy, but Ryoma was on an echelon of their own. He didn't know how much of this he could take. They were usually very attentive to his signals, but he guessed their love of arthropods had blinded them.

His patience was wearing thin that day, he wanted nothing more than to work on his manga, but unfortunately, they were getting in the way of that. He stared down at the nearly blank page before him. He was only able to get a few lines in before Ryoma had stopped him. At his wits end, his irritation fired off an instinctive response.

"Don't you ever shut up?" He snapped.

He didn't immediately realize the impact that simple phrase had left. Once the room fell silent, he was just happy to finally begin drawing. Tunnel vision clouded his judgment significantly, thoughts about his work filled his head and left space for little else. He only recognized something was off when Ryoma spoke up once more.

“I'm.. sorry. I won't bother you anymore.” Their voice was notably quieter than before, stripped of its cheerful quality.

He put down his pen, and turned to look at them. He caught only a glimpse of their face as they turned to leave, but that was enough for him to immediately regret his words.

…

For the remainder of the day, he waged a losing battle against his brain. Now, he was again unable to get any work done because of his own actions. As hard as he tried, he couldn't scrub Ryoma's sad visage from his mind. He dumped another ruined manuscript into the trash, joining the other dozen from that day, and cradled his head in his hands.

The sound of someone coming up the stairs pulled him out of his stupor. Suddenly, he was electrified. In a flash, He pushed that day's failures deeper into the bin and fixed his hair. He spent the next seconds trying to too hard to seem nonchalant as he waited for Ryoma's eventual arrival.

They passed by without a word. Sparing not even a glance in his direction.

He slouched back down. There was no point in pretending he wasn't moping. Ryoma was consciously avoiding him. Truthfully, they had no reason to be in his art room, they had already finished cleaning there when they started raving about bugs. However, Ryoma would regularly come up to see him several times a day, if not to chat then to ask if he needed anything.They were friendly like that. But after what he’d said, it made sense how they wouldn't want to do that anymore.

He was used to people like his editor, his rude remarks would bounce off her like it was nothing. Or Koichi, who was meeker but would still fight back when he disagreed with him on something. People that couldn't deal with his attitude wouldn't last long around him, and he preferred it that way. Usually. But gentle, doe-eyed Ryoma, they cared too much about what people thought. With their heart on their sleeve, it was obvious when they felt hurt.

Their words echoed in his mind, bringing with it the image of a forlorn Ryoma.

He groaned and laid his head on his desk. He had to fix this, but he didn't know where to start. It wasn't in his nature to admit fault. He was going to need to, he shuddered, ask for help.

…

A cold breeze swept the ground as he stepped into the mysterious alley. Koichi was unfortunately out of reach. Something had come up, family matters. He could've waited, but the guilt was eating him alive and he refused to spend another moment agonizing over it. If Tamami was to activate his stand on him, he was sure the resulting pressure would be deadly.

So, he begrudgingly decided to ask Reimi. As an adult, he had only spoken to her a couple times, but she seemed reasonable, and most importantly, unlikely to spread the news of his plight. Admittedly, he wasn't close with many people. He could count two people who liked and talked to regularly. One being the aforementioned high schooler, and the other being the reason he was seeking help in the first place.

He called into the empty alley. “Reimi? Reimi, are you here?"

It only took a moment for the ghost girl to materialize in front of him, Arnold in tandem. "Rohan? What is it? Did you find out something about Kira?”

The shock had long worn off, but it was still surreal to witness. The midday sun illuminated the wounds they wore, reflecting shades of orange on the ever flowing droplets of blood. Such a ghastly, mesmerizing display. It occupied his mind for a moment, but he quickly remembered what he'd come for.

"...No, not yet. I…" Rohan's face burned with embarrassment. Verbalizing his predicament was difficult for him, but he would need to swallow his pride if he wanted to fix things with Ryoma.

“I need your advice.”

“Oh?” Reimi raised her eyebrows, curiosity fully piqued. It even seemed like Arnold had perked up a bit.

After a deep sigh, he began to detail what had been ailing him.. “So, there's this... ‘friend’.” He was unsure if they were close enough to be labeled that but he continued. “They were over today as I was getting ready to work. I happened to briefly mention one of their interests and they went on about it for a whole fifteen minutes.” It's true, he'd counted.

Reimi nodded attentively, prodding him to go on.

“As you probably know, like any good artist, I require my full concentration to work, as well as a keen eye, and I can't have that if I have someone talking at me. They kept prattling on and on without end, so I got irritated, and…lashed out at them. I'll admit It wasn't my best moment, but now they've been avoiding me and I'm not sure what to do.” At first, he muttered his words, but the farther he got along with his explanation, the easier it got to stomach. The initial embarrassment gave away to reveal a dull shame lying underneath.

“By any chance, Is your ‘friend’ Ryoma?” Reimi copied his stilted pronunciation.

Rohan's alarmed expression confirmed her suspicion. He had been vague on purpose, but for Reimi, it was easy to put two and two together. Just because she was trapped in an alley didn't mean she was completely shut off from the outside world. Word travels, even to places such as the intersection between the dead and the living.

Being called out so plainly took him out of the conversation for a moment. “...Yes, but how did you know?”

She smiled coyly at him. He didn't know what to garner from that. “Lucky guess.”

“So, can I ask what you told them exactly?” She took advantage of the brief silence and took charge of the conversation. She was ready to crack into the details, hands clasped. Beside her, Arnold blinked slowly, curling up at her feet.

A familiar ache filled his chest as he replayed the events in his mind for the hundredth time that day. “It was a rhetorical question… ‘Do you ever shut up?’ Those were my direct words.” He couldn't help but cringe at himself.

“I'm guessing you didn't quite say it like that.”

Reimi would've perhaps scolded him, if it didn't seem like his mind had already punished him enough on its own. He looked as if he was ready for the earth to swallow him whole, so she held back. Plus, doing so now would probably discourage him from seeking help again. For Rohan to go so out of his comfort zone for the sake of someone else… Now that was something special. It meant he was making real connections and she was happy for him.

Rohan said nothing, so she piped up again. “Yeah, hearing something like that would definitely hurt them. But you're lucky, knowing Ryoma, it's nothing an apology can't fix. Just be honest, and lay out where you messed up.”

Rohan still looked a little worried, she continued.

“Ryo is one of the most understanding people I know. They're not the type to hold things against you, so don't worry, okay? You'll be just fine.”

She watched, amused, as the relief washed over him. The change was almost comically drastic.

“Was that all?”

“Yes, that was it.”

There was an awkward silence. Arnold yawned.

Rohan cleared his throat uncomfortably. “Farewell then, Miss Reimi.” He didn't know how to make a graceful exit after being so vulnerable with her. His usual aloof demeanor wouldn’t do after that. He began to quickly reverse out of the alley.

“Little Rohan?”

At the sound of his pet name, he stopped to look at her. He didn't know why she insisted on using it, there was nothing little about him anymore. “What is it?”

“I'm glad you're finally making friends. Come visit me anytime, okay?”

He didn't know why, but the combination of her words and her wistful smile struck a chord deep inside. He couldn't think of anything to say, so he offered her a weak smile before he left.

…

When Rohan returned to his house, they were mopping the kitchen. Rohan noticed her head flick in this direction, but they made no effort to acknowledge him like they usually did. So, he approached them, instead.

They softly sang a poppy tune to themself as they made quick work of the kitchen floor in a state of utter focus. “♫Y al final, ni hablaaaar. Los dos nos destruimos, y al final, que taaaaaaal—♪”

He spoke up just as Ryoma vocalized a rising note.

“Ryoma.”

Startled, Ryoma emitted a quick, high-pitched noise, akin to what a small animal would make. Ryoma fumbled to put down their mop, nearly dropping it in the process. They popped out their wired earbuds. “Uh, y-yeah? what's up?” They bit down on their bottom lip, exposing their two front teeth. Although they were a full head taller than him, they shrunk under his gaze until they were almost eye to eye.

Rohan swallowed thickly. The moment of truth had arrived and he was ready, yet still nervous about the outcome.“...Listen, I would like to apologize for what I said the other day. It was quite rude of me to tell you to shut up like that, and for that I'm truly sorry.” The words felt strange coming out of his mouth, but they were genuine.

“Oh, no, no! It's okay!” They frantically waved their hands at him, furrowing their eyebrows. “I know you're very serious about your work, and It's my fault for distracting you like that.” They casted their eyes down in an obvious, yet earnest display of remorse.

The way she flipped it on herself made that ache within his chest return ten-fold since he was sure they truly believed that.

“No, Ryoma. I was wrong for snapping at you. You did nothing to deserve that.”

Ryoma was about to utter a rebuttal, but the way Rohan held their gaze so firmly made them choose otherwise. They conceded, a soft, sweet smile on their lips.. “...Well, I accept your apology.”

Rohan couldn't help but offer them a small smile of his own. “Good.”

They shared a pleasant moment where no words were spoken.

“Well, back to work!” He clapped. Can't have them getting too comfortable now. Ryoma nodded and went to pick up their mop once more.

After that, they both resumed work on their respective tasks. Rohan, newly reinvigorated, finished several chapters in a single sitting, meanwhile Ryoma finished cleaning up early with a cheerful spirit. Mission accomplished.

---

Reimi teases Rohan about Ryoma

A deviation from the scene with Reimi and Rohan!

* Ryoma's legal last name is Román, but they've unofficially started calling themself a Higashikata. After spending 5 years together, Ryoma is considered part of the family.

"Do you think I should get them a gift?" Rohan's head buzzed with all the possible gift ideas he could get them. Insect merchandise, tickets to a show, a bulk order of their favourite candy...

He wasn't sure his words would be enough, and he wanted to ensure forgiveness.

"I don't think that's a good idea, it would make her feel like she owes you."

He supposed that was true. They'd been very hesitant to receive any material goods from him before. If ever he'd offer, they'd vehemently decline. Once, they'd borrowed a pen from him, and had forgotten to return it. The next day, they attempted to give it back to him, but he assured them they could keep it. They borrowed it often, so he considered it theirs, anyway. When he wouldn't budge, they slipped it into his pocket along with a new one without his notice.

They were very particular about not receiving anything from anyone, but he was unsure how Reimi knew about this quality of theirs. To his knowledge, they'd only met briefly.

Rohan raised an eyebrow at her.

Reimi answered his unspoken question."They told me. We're friends, you know?"

That was a reality he hadn't considered. If he'd known, he might've not seeked her help. It was possible the word of this would get back to Ryoma, how he was looking for advice on how to reconcile with them. He wasn't sure he could survive the resulting embarrassment.The thought shook him, and his mind was flooded with countless possibilities.

Technically speaking, he could've used Heaven's Door on her to guarantee confidentiality, but doing so would feel wrong. Selfish as he was, he refused to use his ability so callously, not on her.

Then, a curiosity creeped up on him, one he couldn't shake. "Have they ever... said anything about me?" He didn't know what made him ask this, but he wasn't proud of it. Caring about what other people thought of him was something he didn't do.

The way her smile grew made him regret ever asking. So terribly smug. "Are you asking me if they like you?"

He was set alight with a reactive anger. No, that wasn't what he'd meant at all! He just wanted to know if... she had ever talked badly about him behind his back. It made no sense, It's something he could never picture Ryoma doing, but he wanted to convince himself that had been his reasoning. The great Rohan Kishibe cannot have feelings for Ryoma Higashikata.

"Nevermind, I don't need your help." He huffed and turned to leave. He had no tolerance for disrespect such as this. What a preposterous suggestion.

"Wait! Come back! I'm sorry, I won't tease you anymore!" She laughed, running to stop him before he could get far.

[alpha-trauma-novel-trans]

Chapter 74

On the way home, Wooyeon stared out the window like he had lost his soul. Secretary Yoon didn't speak to him, and the rapidly passing scenery only made him dizzy.

'Your name is... Seon Wooyeon?'

From the first time he met him til now, every scene passed by like a panorama. Memories of their first meeting, when he was neat and mature, and how he was always affectionate and kind.

'Take care of me, Yeon-ah.'

Looking back, there was more than one or two strange things. The fact that his mother, who always only brought first-class teachers, brought an ordinary college student. And the fact that Dohyun, who was just a tutor, was so interested in him.

‘I heard you were home alone, and I was worried.’

How on earth did Dohyun know that Wooyeon was home alone? He hadn’t been able to contact Dohyun that day because his phone broke. Even Wooyeon realized the house was empty only too late.

In the end, he was the same as Daniel. He gave him affection and attention, but he didn't tell him what it was based on. His kindness may not have been fake, but it may have been intentional from the beginning.

'It's not a very good memory.'

“Ha, fuck...”

He felt revolted. His heart was pounding, and it was hard to breathe. He leaned his forehead against the car window, but the transparent glass quickly became lukewarm.

'I tried to draw a line, but it wasn't easy. First it was because I was worried, and then I felt sorry. I knew I shouldn't be like that, but I liked that you liked me.'

He realized too late why Dohyun said he was sorry and had treated him well. The parts Wooyeon had ignored came back to him like daggers. He wanted to deny it, but no matter how he thought about it, the conclusion didn’t change.

‘I'm anxious, too, Yeon-ah.'

‘I'm afraid you'll be disappointed in me.'

‘That...you'll say you don't like me anymore.'

Maybe he had felt it subconsciously since then. In that moment, he instinctively realized that he couldn't say he wouldn’t be disappointed.

There could be something that would disappoint him, and all of this could vanish like a fox star.

“Young Master, we've arrived.”

“...Don't go back, wait here.”

Wooyeon had always walked towards Dohyun without looking back, and even if he knew he was hiding something, he ignored it, drunk on the sweetness of the moment. Not knowing that it would all come back to haunt him in the end.

When Wooyeon rang the doorbell, Dohyun didn't wait long to open the door. He held his cell phone and car keys in one hand, and was dressed in his street clothes. As soon as he saw Wooyeon, his docile eyes curved upward.

“You're early. I was going to pick you up.”

For a split second, he thought if Dohyun pretended not to know, Wooyeon could pretend it never happened. It was an absurd hope that he could keep this relationship going without breaking it.

But that thought didn't last long. The moment his eyes met Dohyun's, sadness surged in like a flood. He blinked, closed his eyes, and then opened them, tears spilling out.

“....”

Dohyun's expression changed. Even his pheromones were off. Wooyeon looked up at Dohyun and barely managed to speak.

“...Why did you do that?”

His voice was heavy with emotion. Even the words he had forced out were buried in his overflowing emotions. The tears that flowed endlessly left marks on his pale cheeks.

“Why did you do that to me?”

Dohyun didn't answer, didn't ask what he meant, didn't wipe the tears away, just bit his lip and lowered his gaze silently.

Then, after a shallow breath, Dohyun let out the short phrase.

“I'm sorry.”

There wasn't a word of denial. Instead of the answer Wooyeon had hoped for, he said something he had hoped he wouldn't. 

“I didn't do it on purpose.”

“...You're not denying it?”

His stomach flipped violently. His vision turned black, and his reasoning snapped. The anxiously rippling air reflected Wooyeon's feelings.

“Saying it wasn't on purpose, you won't even make excuses?"

Wooyeon glared at Dohyun with resentment. His tear-stained face was hot and damp. After taking a few breaths, Wooyeon spat out.

"I don't understand what you're thinking, Sunbae."

With that, Wooyeon turned and walked out the front door. If Dohyun hadn't reached out, he wouldn't have looked back again. Dohyun grabbed him, and spoke urgently.

“I'll tell you everything.”

He sounded uncharacteristically impatient. Anxious pheromones traveled along their touch.

"I'll explain what happened until you can understand..."

The earnest plea had fallen on deaf ears once before. Just as it had in the club room, his heart swayed in the breeze.

“No.”

But instead of looking at Dohyun, Wooyeon shook his hand away. With a thud, the hand that had been struck moved away weakly.

“I don't want to hear it.”

It was a lie to think he didn't need to show his true feelings. The betrayal, the anger. Even if he put all of that aside, the worst part was that he didn't know until now.

"You didn't tell me, I found out."

There were plenty of opportunities to tell the truth. When they met again by chance, when they were dating, or even just this morning.

“You weren't going to tell me Seonsaeng-nim.”

If Wooyeon hadn't intervened, they would have spent the day like yesterday. They would have eaten together, fallen asleep in the same bed, made small talk, and gone to school. Today, tomorrow, and the days after that. So much time had already passed like that without him knowing anything.

“What's the point in telling me now?”

“...I was going to tell you.”

A voice that was barely audible was heard. The hand that Wooyeon had shaken off fell down weakly.

“I was planning on telling you everything soon.”

“When?”

His frustration passed through sadness and quickly became anger. The emotion that had built up to the tip of his chin spilled out as sharp sarcasm.

“After you reported that you were dating me and that I was staying at Sunbae's house?”

As soon as he heard Suhyang's words, everything made sense. Rather than denying that it couldn’t be true, he suspected that it might be. The conclusion he had already guessed seemed true even without confirming it with his own eyes.

“You know what you mean to me, Seonsaeng-nim.”

For him, Dohyun was every moment of his life. He was his interaction with the outside world, the first warmth he'd ever felt, the first emotion he'd never feel again. The salvation he offered was his only support, but all of that was fake. 

"If you had just said one word, it wouldn't have been like this."

He only wished he had known sooner. Before Wooyeon asked, before the whole situation was discovered. If he had, things would have been different right now.

“I would have just let it go because I liked you, Seonsaeng-nim.”

Maybe they could have remained as a nice teacher and student. They could have become friends like Daniel, or they could’ve become a passing memory. At the very least he could have let go of his feelings for him.

Countless assumptions came to mind, but in the end, nothing changed. Dohyun didn't deny it, and Wooyeon was hurt. 

Every single word of apology made his stomach ache.

“But I can't do that now.”

Even at this moment, Wooyeon reacted while looking at Dohyun. His heart fluttered at the dry pheromones, and his heart fluttered at the sight of his smooth face. It was something he could have gotten over if he had just closed his eyes tightly enough, but he knew too much to do that.

“It's too late, Seonsaeng-nim.”

The reply didn't come immediately. After biting his lip for a moment, he spoke up softly.

"I couldn't tell you because I thought this would happen."

The suppressed pheromones were unnerving. The calm, settled atmosphere was sadder than ever. Dohyun clenched his fists and spoke in a hushed voice.

"I knew you'd get hurt, so I couldn't tell you even though I know I should've."

“....”

“Just a word? Yeah, it's not hard to say a word, but-”

The words that were suddenly cut off seemed like their relationship. Slowly his distorted eyes captured Wooyeon clearly.

"How could I disappoint you with my own mouth?"

The breathy voice was desperate enough to make one cry. Every expression he showed to Wooyeon was also gradually filled with regret.

“...Really.”

But none of it was what Wooyeon had hoped for. Covering his face with one hand, Wooyeon bowed his head and muttered.

"I never misunderstood until the very end."

It felt like he had been confirmed dead. Dohyun's expression and gaze shattered the last remaining hope. As if to say, don't get your hopes up.

“...Since when?”

His head gradually cooled. His overflowing emotions also calmed down at some point. His head, which had become frighteningly rational, calmly accepted the situation.

"Since when...to what extent, how did it become like that?"

The words came out incoherently, but the meaning was clearly conveyed. Dohyun, who had been quietly looking down, began to speak in his characteristically soft tone.

“I've known the President since I was a kid.”

It was a story that he didn't know from the beginning. He had never imagined that Dohyun knew Suhyang.

“I heard you were having trouble adjusting to school, so I offered to help you.”

“....”

"I reached out to you because I was worried about you when you came to college."

At first glance, the words sounded innocent enough. The voice was soft and sweet, as if he was trying to appease him. 

“I wasn't trying to spy or anything. I just...”

"So in the end, you knew everything."

And yet, instead of feeling better, he was sad. No matter how hard he struggled, he was always in the palm of Suhyang's hand. Daniel, and Seonsaeng-nim too. All of them are just made-up relationships. If he had known that it was all because of Suhyang, he wouldn't have been so attached to him. The regret of hindsight kept nagging at him.

“I don't know anything about Seonsaeng-nim.”

The tears that had stopped flowed down his cheeks again. The water droplets that rolled down precariously clung to his chin.

"I don't know anything about your family, your friends or even what the tattoo on your back means. Isn't that unfair?"

Looking back, it was rare to remember Dohyun telling him anything. Wooyeon was endlessly curious about him, but he never told him anything. The ignorance that accumulated slowly ate away at his trust in him.

“You knew that my name is Wooyeon?”

He couldn't forget the emotion that the affectionate call gave him. The word 'Yeon-ah' was the first thing that saved Wooyeon from the abyss. But even that was possibly faked.

“Did you know that I hate alphas?”

Dohyun didn't give him any answer. A silent gaze was all he gave in response.

“The bullying, the bad relationship with my mom, the fact that I don't like being alone.”

“....”

“You knew all that and were nice to me?”

A crack that is not filled will eventually leave a hole in a corner of your heart. A festering, gaping wound seeped into his throbbing heart. In the empty space, the sadness that could not be contained burst out.

“...Don't be so nice.”

If he had known, he wouldn't have been intoxicated by the affection he offered. If he had, he wouldn't have realized how miserably pathetic he was.

“What did you get?”

The voice that was carelessly thrown around was sharp. The raw criticism was thrown at Dohyun as if mocking him.

“Money, or a job?”

“...It's not like that."

Dohyun stiffened and shut his mouth. His tightly closed lips formed a straight line.

“Don’t talk like that.”

“Then how should I talk to you!”

His mood was a jumbled mess. One minute he was sad, the next he was upset, the next he was in tears, and the next he was furious. His mind was so confused that it felt like he was going to vomit and he couldn't figure out what to do.

“Sunbae, do you realize you're leaving out everything important? How you and my mom know each other, how much you knew about me, what was real and what wasn't, yet you expect me to trust you when you won't explain anything important?”

Everything was just a fancy excuse. No matter how nicely packaged, the result didn’t change.

“Did you think I’d fall for what you said like an idiot again?”

Even if he told him he liked him a hundred times, his heart would still break because of the one thing he didn't know. When one thing breaks, two break, and the distrust that starts like that spreads out of control.

“How do you know this is a fake?”

Funnily enough, as soon as he said that, Dohyun looked genuinely hurt. His jet-black eyes turned gloomy, and his soft mouth moved as if he were about to speak. In a rare display of agitation, he spoke in a calm voice.

“I never treated you with pretense.”

His gaze toward Wooyeon wavered uneasily. The pheromones that trickled out of him were also different from usual. Clenching his fists, Dohyun whispered pleadingly. 

“Even if others don’t, you know that.”

“I...”

Wooyeon's words trailed off as he let out a thin breath. His heart, which had been shaking precariously, finally regained its composure.

“How do I know?”

Despair flashed across his smooth face. Wooyeon was the one who was hurt, but Dohyun’s eyes were the ones that became empty. Even so, Wooyeon didn't stop talking.

"You said you wouldn't know unless you tried."

“....”

“Sunbae, you're the one who said that.” 

Jiing, his phone vibrated. 

The tense atmosphere changed as if glass had shattered. His gaze slowly lowered, fixed on the screen, and a look of embarrassment appeared on Dohyun's face.

“....”

Sometimes, your instincts will send you a signal. A moment when previous moments that passed by without a second thought come to mind like a revolving lantern, and the subtle changes in facial expressions catch your eye.

“....Why?”

Wooyeon twisted his lips as he spoke lightly. Hah, the laughter that burst out was incredibly cold.

“Is it just another spam call?”

For once, Dohyun looked genuinely flustered. His hand that wasn't gripping his cell phone grabbed Wooyeon's arm. Looking him straight in the eye, he pleaded in an urgent tone. 

"No. This is a misunderstanding, Wooyeon."

Instead of shaking off his hand, Wooyeon tilted his head. He couldn't identify the caller, but he knew who it was without seeing it. Misunderstanding or not, it didn't matter to him.

“I'm going back to the main house.”

In the end, Suhyang was right. No matter how many times he ran away, Wooyeon had a certain destination.

"The company is going to publish an article this week. I'll still go to school, but I can't participate in any clubs. This is the last time we'll be together."

The last time. Dohyun's pheromones thickened at those words. Dohyun took a step closer, his grip tightening. The strong pheromones drenched Wooyeon.

“I can't break up with you.”

“....”

Even in this situation, Wooyeon missed Dohyun’s embrace. He wanted to breathe in his pheromones and get drunk on the sweet feeling. Like those who covet the fruit of the tree of good and evil, he wanted to cling to him even though he knew he would regret it.

But Wooyeon wasn't swayed by momentary impulses.

“...I don't trust you, Seonsaeng-nim.”

At those words he barely managed to utter, Dohyun let Wooyeon go with a blank expression. The fingertips that had fallen down barely managed to hang on to his collar.

“I'll return your clothes through Secretary Yoon.”

Wooyeon turned away without looking at him. A small voice gave Dohyun a final parting.

“I’m leaving.”

He didn't ask him to stay. Their parting was as abrupt as their beginning. Dohyun's pheromones left a lingering feeling, but Wooyeon kept walking without looking back. This time, Dohyun could only watch him walk away.

next chapter

[skymaiden32]

A Different Life

Read on AO3 here

Fandom: Thunderbirds

Tagging: @dragonoffantasyandreality @thundergeek59 @janetm74 @katblu42 @liseylou @amistrio @uniwolfcorn @idontknowreallywhy (Please ask if you would like to get alerts when I update or post new stories.)

Thundertober Day 5: Pilot

Scott’s memories of his last day in the Air Force.

Continuity: TAG

------

Scott breathed a sigh of relief when he was finally able to collapse onto the hard mattress of his bunk, careful not to injure his broken arm as he fell any further. His bunkmate, Alex Birch, sat on a nearby chair, raised an eyebrow. “How’d it go with the boss?” 

“I don’t know, Alex…” He sighed, running his uninjured hand down his tired face. “I don’t know what to make of all of this. I just feel so…” He paused, trying to find the right phrase. “...jumbled still.” 

It had been just a week since Scott’s miraculous return from the brink of death in Bereznik. Not long enough, if you asked Alex’s opinion. Between Scott losing Greg Hodge, his navigator, in the crash, being held prisoner and tortured, and somehow crossing the wilderness back to base after escaping on his own without help…

It was too much. “No wonder you feel that way.” Alex commented, not ashamed of the sadness in his tone. “You’ve been through hell and back.” He chuckled humourlessly. “I’d be a bit jumbled too.”

Scott sighed, looking up at the ceiling. “The Commander outright ordered me to leave today. Take a break. Said he wouldn’t be surprised if I quit completely. Even offered to give me an honourable discharge if I did.”

“And?” Alex probed, turning his chair so he was facing his friend on the bunk. He immediately took notice of how exhausted Scott looked. “What will you do? After your leave I mean?”

His friend sat up slowly, staring ahead at the wall. “I… I don’t know.” He admitted. “A part of me wants to call it quits and stay safe for my family,” Scott explained. “But the other part of me loves flying more than anything.” He finally looked over at his friend. “Even after all of that, I can’t let it go just like that.”

“I know, Ace…” Alex smiled sympathetically, reverting to the squad nicknames for some sense of normality. He hummed. “Doesn’t your Dad’s company specialise in aerospace? Maybe you could get a job as a test pilot there?”

For the first time in what felt like years, Scott smiled. “The whole reason I signed up to the USAF in the first place was to avoid leaning on the family name, Spins.” He chuckled.

“I know,” Alex smirked, laughing. “Just throwing the idea out there.” He sobered up, looking seriously to his friend now. “But whatever choice you make, whatever path you’re on, I’m sure it’ll be your true calling in life.”

“Yeah…” Scott replied. “I guess it will be.”

------

He broke out of the memory, now staring focussed at what had reminded him of that fateful day. The base he had once been stationed at, now closed down due to ground subsidence in the area. International Rescue had been called to get to some officers who had been swallowed up by the very earth beneath their feet. On his right, Virgil stood faithfully, looking worriedly between Scott and the dilapidated base. “Are you okay, Scott?”

“Yeah.” He breathed out, a little too quiet for his brother to hear. “Yeah, I’m okay.” He repeated, louder this time. “The rescue’s over now, anyway…”

“Then,” Virgil began, puzzled. “Why are we still here?”

“The Commander of the base is Alex Birch, right?”

“According to John, yeah…” The pilot of Thunderbird 2 answered, before his eyes widened in realisation, watching the crowd of officers part to reveal the Commander himself, walking towards them. “Wait, wasn’t he in your-”

“My squadron? Yep.” Scott replied. “He was also the one who helped me the most after…” He paused, drawing himself back from those painful memories. “You know…” Virgil knew. He always did.

Alex stopped in front of the two brothers, giving Scott a respectful salute. One that Scott was all too happy to return. “Commander Tracy.”

“Commander Birch.” Scott replied. “I’d like you to meet Virgil, my brother.”

Alex’s eyes lit up in recognition as he shook Virgil’s hand. “Ah, so you’re the one I’d heard so much about from Ace here back in the day.”

Virgil chuckled. “In that case, I hope I lived up to expectations.”

“More than that.” Birch smiled at him. “You knocked them out of the park with that rescue. I can see Scott’s heroism truly is a family trait.” The grin turned melancholy. “You keep taking good care of him, you hear?”

“As much as I can at least” The younger of the two Tracy’s laughed. “He’s always going off somewhere…”

“Hey!” Scott frowned, but the little twinkle in his eyes still remained. “I don’t go AWOL that often.”

“Sure you don’t.” Alex commented.

“I don’t believe it either.” Virgil agreed. Scott groaned. “I’ll leave you two to chat for a bit while I finish packing up.” And just like that, Virgil was off back to Thunderbird 2, leaving the two men to catch up. Scott watched his brother go, smiling in fondness.

Alex’s voice broke into his thoughts. “I told you so.”

Scott looked at his old friend questioningly, although he already knew exactly what he was talking about. “What do you mean?”

“That you’d find your calling…”

Thunderbird 1 caught his gaze, gleaming a bright silver in the setting sun, a symbol of everything Scott Tracy was and what he worked for.“I did, didn’t I?” Scott answered, looking between his brother, his ship, and Alex. “It sure is a different life, but it’s one I wouldn’t change for the world.”

[vulcan-bourbon]

writober 2023

day 16 — Patron (ver. 2)

Grian felt incredibly awkward being a freshman transfer in the middle of the school year. An unpleasant turn of fate in the form of the loss of accreditation of his own university and an emergency transfer to a completely unfamiliar (by all measures) educational institution forced him to catch extra weak attacks of anxiety that did not allow his brain to calm down.

And now he tiredly wandered along the corridor, looking for the right office, completely lost in the walls of this building. Everything could have been better if he had turned on his inner “social devils” and made friends even with the first one he came across, but due to the current situation, there was absolutely no strength and “spoons” for unnecessary social relationships.

Violet eyes, full of lack of sleep, glanced wearily at the vending machine. The taste of synthetic instant coffee automatically reflected on his lips; this is not the most pleasant drink, which he would prefer to drink exclusively for emergency purposes when he is broke. For example, unfortunately, now. Due to the unexpected relocation, as well as unexpected expenses, it was worth not spending much until a way out of this unpleasant financial hole was found.

But, as luck would have it, the vending machine itself stood at the entrance to the chain cafe from which came the pleasant aroma of freshly ground coffee, the knocking of the holder, and the pleasant sound of espresso, which could now be flowing in his body instead of blood.

Xelqua lets out a sad, quiet groan looking towards the intersection of the machine and the cafe at the same time.

- Hey, cute guy, are you looking for something hotter? - He heard laughter next to him and, shaking his shoulders slightly, he automatically turned towards someone else’s voice.

Standing nearby was a nicely put together guy with piercing emerald eyes and brown hair the length of which could be pulled into a fancy man-ponytail hairstyle. He was a head taller than Grian, from which the feeling of his elevation clearly made itself felt. His strange dark clothes, with orange and blue accents on his clothes, resembled some hero from a comic book who decided to go to the aid of a guy in trouble.

- Suppose? - Grian said thoughtfully, drawing out the words and looking away from the guy towards the coffee shop and sighing heavily. — I doubt you can offer me anything interesting.

- And I think I can. To begin with, the guy holds out his palm in black leather mittens and Xelqua pays attention to his tanned skin tone. - My name is Scar and I know that you are new here, I want to introduce you to our university.

— Grian, — Xelqua tries to grin in response, as if trying to inflate his worth and pretend that he is a self-sufficient adult guy and in general such an acquaintance for him is like rubbing two fingers on the asphalt.

- So, Grian, what about finding you a patron within these walls? - Scar smiles coquettishly, lowering his palm and crossing his arms on his chest, smiling contentedly. He looks at Grian with the look of a cat that has warmed itself in the sun. It seemed a little more and Scar would begin to purr.

- Do you offer this to everyone? - Grian snorts quietly, looking at how self-confident Scar becomes before his eyes after such phrases.

- No, only such handsome handsome men. — the new acquaintance winks, which makes Xelqua try very hard not to blush. It's not often that such hot guys flirt with him.

- Oh, Scar. Let's buy me some coffee first, I refuse to flirt with my sleepy brain. - Grian jokes, nodding towards the machine gun. If he saves a couple of coins, it will be better.

- No problem. - Scar smiles contentedly, nodding towards the machine, but passing by it and heading towards the coffee shop.

- Hmm, Scar. I can get by with synthetic coffee..,— Xelqua says hesitantly, internally not believing that he can be treated to real coffee.

- Well, first of all, this is my parents’ coffee shop, from which my friends and I can get a drink at cost. Secondly, I heard that sad sound that you made literally looking towards the coffee shop, well, and thirdly, I can’t afford to kiss someone’s lips that just touched artificial coffee. - Scar jokes, not hiding his laughter. - Okay, the last one was too much. I can simply afford to treat a person that I like coffee. How do you like that?

In just a few words from his new acquaintance, Grian managed to be upset at how stupid he was, touched by how cute he was, and almost roll his eyes at his sweet nonsense.

-Are you always this stupid? - Grian snorts, hiding his smile and walking ahead of the guy into the cafe.

- No, only with such handsome guys who suffer from caffeine. You are the easiest victims. - Goodtimes laughs warmly, from which he immediately receives an elbow in the side from Grian, but sees how Xelqua is pleased with such stupidity, and only smiles guiltily. On the other hand, how else can you approach handsome strangers who cast such sad glances in the direction of coffee.

———

//I carefully remind you that english is not my native language, so I apologize in advance for mistakes ,,,,

[seokryuragi]

Happy Garden Fairy Taerae Day!

It was a sunny day, perfect for making the flowers bloom. The Garden Fairies were working in silence when suddenly a singing voice filled the air, just by this all of them knew who it was. “Hi Taerae!!” Was the phrase repeated in the Garden while a very happy Garden Fairy Taerae walked through it while singing.

A sparkle covered him up, it was Pixie Dust coming from the sky, Taerae noticed it was Pixie Dust Fairy Hanbin passing by. “How weird… Why didn’t he come down to say hi and give me my Pixie Dust.”, trying to ignore this, Taerae started working in his specialty, making flowers bloom. He wanted a little more light for that so he needed a light fairy, “Hey! Matthew, can you help me out here? I need light.” Taerae screamed to the other side of the hill where Light Fairies were, “Of course just wait!” Fairy Light Matthew moved the sun light in the direction Taerae said, but suddenly in went away, Taerae looked up to see a distracted Matthew being told a secret by Fast-Flying Fairy Hao, who was suddenly there and just like that without saying a word both disappeared from Taerae’s sight, “HEY HEY, I NEED THE SUNLIGHT WHAT… What happened?” A very confused Taerae just stood there in silence wondering what just happened, then he felt 3 fairies once again flying above him, it was Scouting Fairy Gunwook, Water Fairy Yujin and Animal Fairy Gyuvin “HEY! GUYS!! HEY… guys…” and just like that the three of them ignored him, leaving a very much sad and confused Taerae “It is too early for Gunwook to be near this place… what is happening?” Taerae wondered to himself, most of the time Scouting Fairies were not out of work until the very night, he felt a little too confused and sad to make a flower bloom, at this point his confusion was the 1st thing in his mind… did everyone just forget?. Out of nowhere he felt snow on top of his head, “Snow? This is the last confusing thing I needed on a day like today.” He looked up to see Tinker Fairy Ricky with one of his inventions to spread ice over… “Jiwoong?... Why is Jiwoong here, to ignore me as well?” Taerae thought, “HEY!! GUYS HELLO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”. Jiwoong and Ricky just replied with a “WE ARE BUSY!” at the same time. Jiwoong is a Frost Fairy. It made no sense him just being there and also not even going down to say hi, what was a winter fairy doing there just because. 

Taerae sat down in frustration, nobody but the Garden Fairies surrounding him came to say hi and the only person that spoke for more than a minute to him suddenly went away. He decided to just go home. 

Taerae arrived home, opened the door and was about to turn on the light since it was already dark, but before he could a sparkle in front him started to write the phrase “HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAERAE” then a little light reflected on a mirror to reveal another message written with water “WE LOVE YOU TAERAE!!” a few seconds later the sad confusion of Taerae was a happy one, then the lights went on to reveal all of Taerae’s friends smiling at him with a little cake “SURPRISE!” All of them said, the sparkle came from Hanbin, that with his pixie dust made that for Taerae, Matthew and Yujin did the other message with light and water. Taerae felt a little silly for thinking his friends  were capable of forgetting his birthday. “Here are your presents!” Gyuvin said, “The little guitar is made by me!” Said Ricky, a ladybug then came out of a basket to give Taerae a little diary “That’s mine!! I know you like to write.” Gyuvin said, Hanbin got closer to Taerae and gave him a little bag that said TAERAE and had some drawings. “The Pixie Dust for today… and a little extra and also this new personalized bag for you!” Hanbin said while smiling, “And a mirror so you can see your pretty face any time, friend” Matthew and Hao were now the ones standing in front of Taerae, giving him their little present, then Yujin and Gunwook handed him theirs “Here you have this other bag for the guitar ricky made.” This one also said TAERAE on it, lastly Jiwoong, who was constantly being covered by snow approached him, “Here! This flower is for you! a little flower from the winter side.” Taerae couldn’t stop saying thanks to all of them. He felt loved and happy all night long! 

[cursed-elo-images]

I’ve listened to the song I tagged in my recent post.

If anybody sees this post and hasn’t seen the post I’m referring to, and has NO idea what I’m talking about, I drew something cursed you can find on my blog and the song I’m referring to is “Confusion” by of course ELO.

It’s not one of my most favorites, but it’s a really good one.

Well, I think I just ruined the song for myself. (half jokingly)

While I said the above phrase in jest, there is some truth to it.

But first, I must mention my backstory.

The Backstory of the One and Only, cursed-elo-images Herself

My relationship with ELO started in March 2020. This was right before lockdown, and a parent of mine showed me a copy of ELO’s “greatest hits all over the world” CD, and we decided to play it in the car. I did like them, but I didn’t really listen to them much that month (really just a little bit of Elton John and some David Bowie too who are also good), but I decided to in April that month. I fell in love with them. I did however discover them in 2018 but didn’t feel like trying them out since I wasn’t into classic rock during that time besides Queen, since I listened to a few vocaloid songs. I also had “Don’t Bring Me Down” stuck in my head in late 2019, for some strange reason, but again didn’t feel like trying them out at the time, since I just liked Queen then. (Also a very good band, and I should also mention I stopped liking vocaloid music in early 2019 and Queen was what brought me back to classic rock)

Since then, I’ve listened to this band a lot, usually during the spring-summer because those seasons I find “enhance” the experience, I suppose it’s to invoke the nostalgia I felt when they first touched the neurons in my ear canals. I have went on a hiatus in 2021 though, because I temporarily replaced them with British rock band Sweet, which are arguably MORE underrated than them, but came back to ELO since… not to slander Sweet but, ELO is just more interesting and sensorily pleasing. I wasn’t really interested in the members, just the music. This lasted from 2020 to March this year. I did try to memorize the members of the band last year, but again I wasn’t really into the fandom, I just liked them as background music/shoving their music into my ears whenever I feel like it, which was a lot, but not on the same level as me immersed in David Bowie’s many personas and the fandom side of THAT.

I don’t know what got me interested in drawing ELO members or reading fandom posts about them, but here I am. I love being this way, and it gives me more people to be interested in so I take this as a win. They just have that adorkable charm to them.

Why I’m Obsessing over ELO’s Confusion

Now the context is out of the way, let’s discuss why I’m obsessing over their “Confusion” song. Like I previously mentioned, I liked the song to listen to sometimes, and to use as background music. Yes, even when I was blissfully unaware of the members and the fandom, and the future that was to come of me drawing the most bizarro cursed nonsense shlock (affectionate) regarding the band. It’s a nice song, detailing the (in my interpretation, yours might differ) confusion, shock, and sadness one feels after breaking up with their significant other. However, I, being the equally cursed weirdo that I am, decided to use that song for the dreaded (affectionate) Melvyn bread train doodle. Why? Because that was the theme of the drawing. Did I need to add the song? No, but I thought it would be funny and look cool. Then when I clicked on the Spotify link I heard a snippet of the song and I unfortunately applied the lyrics to the drawing, implying that the band lost… Melvyn’s… human(?) form and became that cursed abomination (affectionate) and have their feelings about it.

Now, instead of being at peace with their music (specifically Confusion) I am now going to think of that drawing every time I listen to it. Just great (lightheartedly sarcastic).

[j4y-lvr]

❝are you jealous of my dog,❞

❝Are you seriously jealous of my dog,❞

pairing: sunghoon x reader

genre: angst (not really), fluff

warnings: being jealous of a dog- please do let me know if I should add anything!

wc: 619

"are you seriously jealous of my dog," said sunghoon as he stood at the doorframe. You hmph in annoyance at the question, "yeah, I am," you say snobbily.

"imagine seeing your boyfriend after a week because he's been so busy, and me being considerate, come to see you. And all I get is a hi, and you're off to feed your dog–" you huff out irritated, practically death glaring the dog in question, gaeul.

The boy said nothing in return rather than looking at you judgingly, "and you have nothing to say to that, just wow." You puff out a tch, getting up from your crouching stance and up on your feet before announcing, "i'm leaving," you say with your head held high, sending one last glare the dog's way, and out the doorway, you goes.

That didn't go as intended, as you lay sprawled out in your boyfriend's bed as he sat at his desk, typing away on his computer. Groaning in annoyance, you merely missed him, "are you just going to disregard my presence and type away at your computer all day," you drawl out, finding your patience running thin.

The silver-haired boy sighs heavily before turning back to look at you, sinking his head in his palms, soon, back to hitting away on the keyboard. His eyes skimmed over the text displayed, humming in aggravation at an error, hands advancing to the keyboard to fix it frantically.

Having watched the boy aimlessly stare at the screen for about an hour, laying there still on his bed, waiting for the said boy. You had enough, burying your head in the depths of his pillow, his scent evident, finding tears pooling up in your eyes. You blinked away the tears, helplessly dropping onto the pillow.

Sniffling, you sit up and attempt to ask one final time, with your nose runny and eyes red. "i asked if you had finished yet," you let out quieter than expected, causing the boy to click his tongue disapprovingly.

Pushing his chair away from the desk, he circles in it to face you, solely to be taken aback at the sight of your tear-stained face. Not sure what to do, he sprang out of the chair, eyebrows lifting in concern, taking a seat beside you on his mattress.

He slowly raised his hand, wavering on what to do before letting it stroke up and down your back. "sorry," he mutters, with a fallen expression, pulling you into his embrace, as you let a few tears spill out, staining the sweatshirt he adorned.

His arms hooked around your waist, drawing you closer to his chest. Your head rests on his broad shoulders. "sorry, I wanted to complete my essay, then join you..." he pauses, thinking how to phrase his sentence.

"i didn't mean to make you cry." He states, eyes portraying the sadness he felt at the very moment, his hand caressing your cheek while your head continued to rest on his shoulder.

"i want to give you my undivided attention, and the piece counts for my grade–" he blurts out, "no, I'm not saying you're any less important than my essay, it is simply that both are–" you squish his cheeks together preventing him from uttering any further.

"it's fine, now just stay with me for a bit," you say, removing your head which was nestled at his shoulder, fingers playing with the drawstrings of his sweatshirt. He grins at your cuteness, falling back on his mattress, dragging you with him, snuggling with you.

"your essay can wait, I can't," you teasingly say, a snicker following, the two relishing each other's company, shortly dozing off, the writing left to the side for you.

a/n: totally did not get this idea from being jealous of chenle's dog (not really)🤡and tbh idk how im posting sm, watch me slowly disappear when classes start again— ‍🏃‍♀️💨

anyways ty for reading, reblogs are appreciated♡

[alemonyoyo]

Reminders of the Princess <3

The petals are supposed to be reminiscent of Princess Kenny! So implied K2 I suppose, since i hardly ever draw for that ship-

Also I reverted back to an old style of lighting, it feels weird to use it again!

Finally, South Park art. I did it- I drew for South Park! You better like this, drawing in general has been really hard for me recently-

I tried some new things here. Rather than doing a full sketch of the drawing, I used brief guidelines and the last image (which normally would be my sketch) became my lineart. I think this made it look more fluid and dynamic, and less rigid and plain.

Art/General Rant- You don't have to read, I just need to get this out somehow-

Recently, I've been really, really unhappy with my art. I think if you've seen my posts often then it should be semi obvious. I don't exactly try to hid my distaste for it, though I know the whole world doesn't revolve around me, and it's not guaranteed that you've seen every self deprecating post about my art.

It's just very hard you know. I'm not all that old myself, but I'm definitely not young either, so nowadays, whenever I see people who I think have better art than I do, and they are younger than me, I can't help but just lose all motivation to ever continue. It's weird, because whenever the alternate happens, and I see gorgeous art created by people older than me, I only get more motivated to create and be like them. It's simple pettiness and feeling threatened that makes me feel the way I do about younger artists, and because of that, it's hard to feel fulfilled in my creations. Most of the time, I just block these artists. After all, it's better to stay out of conflict and jealousy, and blocking is the best way to do that. But some of these people are my friends who I have unfairly hinged a lot of my happiness on. And in turn, being around them in general, online or otherwise, makes me euphoric and both self hating all at once.

It's kinda for those reasons and more that I don't believe I have been truly happy as of recent. Like properly. If you asked me from 2 years ago how I felt, I'd say I was happy. Sure, I had *felt* sad but I wasn't *sad* overall. But now, ever since lockdown, this year at school, and everything mentioned above, this fact has flipped, and although I am capable of feeling happiness, it's in bursts shorter than what I need to keep going, and I've wanted to give up many times. Overall I'm sad my mood gets ruined, and drawing was once an outlet for whenever I felt this way, but for some reason my own expectations make me feel like it's no longer something for my frustrations, it's something I must be good at, but I'm not. I'm not good at it.

A broken record I might be, saying my art is bad. I'm sure it's annoying for the lovely people in my life who have told me otherwise, but from my perspective its all pitiable phrases said to ensure my esteem. I just can't believe it. And it feels worse hearing it weirdly enough. Which is so utterly stupid, and completely my fault for thinking that way.

A lot of this is due to my happiness hingeing on the many things which make me feel so bad, which makes my mood completely messed up and wild. Tumblr in itself is a big one for me. I am practically always on it if you've ever noticed, and the only time I'm not is when I'm asleep. It's one of the few things that gives me interaction, escapism and comfort. Yet it is also the source of a lot of my hatred, a teased negative passion, and jealousy. So I come on the sight, hoping to feel better, and only feel worse. So then I'll come back to the sight mere minutes later hoping to feel better.

And it's the same thing with many of my friends, who I talk till they're probably sick of me. I talk to them when I feel terrible, about whatever they want, but I always feel conscious that I talk about myself too much. And that and the factors above also contribute to this terrible feeling. I know in my heart they can't hate me, yet the lack of texting first and more convinces my heart otherwise. And so I have convinced myself that most people in general heat me for my overbearing nature and lack of development with my mental health, though I've tried to be better I don't know how.

I've tried to pursue things for better mental health, all things considered, I am one of the few people I know who has never reached out for proper help. Mostly because I have a brother who already does, and my family focuses on him and his problems more than me as I am the oldest, and although I communicate my struggles to them, they aren't really valued. And this lack of attention on that front makes me come on here and complain, yap my mouth like I'm doing right now to a vacant space. Make me hinge my happiness on people who have no idea I do so, and that every time their offline it makes me one inconvenience away from tears. I'm so weak now, I wish I could go back to pre-covid me.

Anyway back to art- I find no comfort in it, and its really hard to draw, especially for South Park. Recently, I've had a source of immense motivation for it (though, that will hopefully be revealed at a later date so stay tuned!) but drawing for it outside of that is quite difficult- I can't tell you what I hate about my art. I just do. I can't tell if it's the artstyle, the content, my technique and understanding, my posing etc. Which is why, if you have read this (insane- but I love you), please, just tell me what you hate about my art. It's really all I want to hear at this point, rather than people reassuring me my art is fine. Critique will help me get better after all- And it's easier to be harsh on people when online than it is to be nice (I'd know for sure heh) so go ahead. Please.

And thank you for reading,

[telehxhtrash]

A masterpost on Togashi’s gay subtext and why it’s intentional.

Hi ! After seeing so many posts about Togashi dropping subtext about Killua's possible romantic feelings for Gon, I thought it'd be a good idea to make a sort of "masterpost" with all the subtext that Togashi has included into his work.

I usually see a lot of people trying to say that HxH isn't about romance and that Togashi isn't interested in writing romance into the manga, but when you analyze all the subtext that's been going on the further Gon and Killua's relationship progresses, I think it's incorrect to say that Togashi has never hinted at the possibility of romance in HxH.

This is going to be a long post, enjoy your read!

Also, please note that I will only base this analysis on the manga, so there can be no mistake that "maybe this is just something the anime made gayer" : i want to prove that the subtext is 100% intentional on Togashi's part.

I'd also like to mention, although I will analyze it further after listing the subtext, that Togashi is a VERY smart man. There are always little details in the story and/or foreshadowing that are easily missed at first but when you notice them, it truly makes you understand how much attention and care Togashi puts into his work. There are countless details and symbolism that are analyzed daily through wonderful meta posts, from the main 4′s birthdays and their link to their character or the religious symbolism in Kurapika’s story arc.... Togashi loves to foreshadow and plant little details into his work, so when Togashi plants subtext, I'm sure he 100% knows that he's writing it, and it can't be seen as unintentional.

I'll also link all my references for this post at the end of it, so feel free to read all the additional textposts and content if you want to know more.

Well, let's get into it!

EDIT : i can’t believe this post is still being used as a reference it makes me so happy... thank you so much !!! i edited this to tweak it a bit because i wrote this a while ago and the phrasing seemed off to me, so if you’re reading or re-reading this post, hi, welcome to masterpost on gay subtext 2.0 !

GREED ISLAND ARC

Greed Island is to me the arc that lays down the nature of Killua and Gon's relationship. It's during this arc that we get to see a bit more of what Killua thinks, how he's lucky to have met Gon and that he feels really grateful. Gon’s behavior in this arc is also very affectionate, with him always reassuring Killua about his place next to him. While the scene where Killua thinks "You've got it backwards, Gon, I'm the one that's glad I met you." can't be considered as subtext, I think it's something that lets the reader know a bit more about how Killua feels towards Gon. 

But other than this scene, which can clearly be dismissed as platonic, there are 2 more moments in the Greed Island arc that are layered in subtext.

• The Rainbow Diamond (chapter 151)

During their time in Dorias, Killua uses Risky Dice to gain cards from the slot machines. The first card that Killua gains is called "Rainbow Diamond", the description of the card being "A diamond that shines in a rainbow of colors. Propose with this diamond and she is guaranteed to say "yes"". 

There are 3 different things we can take from this panel. First, the card is a marriage proposal card, so it's obviously romantic in nature. Second, the object is a RAINBOW diamond. And third, Killua, wanting to keep the card safe, gifts it to Gon.

In short, Togashi sat down at his desk, decided to draw Killua winning a MARRIAGE PROPOSAL CARD (it could've been any card, but Togashi CHOSE to make Killua win a marriage proposal card) that has a RAINBOW diamond on it and made Killua gift it to Gon. 

While I personally don't think that subtext can be used to 100% ascert that Killua has romantic feelings for Gon, I think it's a funny little touch from Togashi, and I'm even gonna say a sort of hint towards how Killua's feelings for Gon are going to evolve in this arc and the next.

• “It has to be Killua” (chapter 166)

Now this is a scene that I've never seen anyone talk about, at least on Tumblr, but when I read a bit of analysis on it I was 100% convinced this was intentional subtext. I'm basically quoting here what this article explains, so if you want more detail, I recommend reading it.

As you probably recall, during their deadly dodgeball game against Razor, Killua decides to sacrifice his hands to ensure that Gon could use all his strength. When confronted about it, Killua insists that it's nothing, and Gon shocks him by saying that he knew all along that he was hurting himself for his sake. 

Gon then says that it can only be Killua holding the ball, and that it has to be Killua, resulting in Killua being absolutely awestruck and embarassed. I'm also going to talk about the anime adaptation for this one, because it's perfectly executed and translates extremely well the nuance that the second sentence bears. If you want to rewatch it, this scene happens in episode 70. It's worth noting that in the anime, we see Killua not reacting to Gon's first sentence, but losing his composure entirely when Gon says the second sentence. But why ?

The reason was lost in translation. His exact words are "Booru wa Killua ga motte-kurenai to. Killua ja nakya dame nan da.". Both sentences basically say the same thing : It has to be Killua holding the ball. That second sentence can be translated literally as "If it's not Killua, that won't do." However, the second sentence, in a different context, can also be used to say a totally different thing. 

While it's certain that Gon used this sentence in the context of the dodgeball match, the sentence "~ja nakya dame nan da" also serves as a confession of one's feelings in japanese. It's basically the equivalent to "you're the one for me". When you google the sentence, it turns up romantic songs, forum posts asking what it would translate to in English and posts on how to confess to someone. 

The sentence basically drowns in romantic subtext. As mentioned before, Killua has no reaction to the first sentence "Booru wa Killua ga motte-kurenai to.", but loses his composure at the second one, and I think that was a very deliberate thing Togashi wanted to convey : this sentence has an additional layer, and clearly Killua is taking it to heart.

I will come back to this specific subtext in a bit, because we can parallel it with another subtext-y situation, so please keep it in mind for now.

CHIMERA ANT ARC

Now onto the sad gay arc! This arc is so RIDDLED in subtext and parallels that it's making me lose my mind.

• Gon, you are light. (chapter 199)

This scene is just... So romantic in nature. I’m not too objective on this, but I really do believe that this moment is the exact moment Killua fell in love with Gon and started to realize he felt a bit more than friendship towards him. It’s Killua respecting Gon for who he is, realizing that he’s light and he’s always been, he’s the one who saved him and who’s always been so bright and optimistic and always makes the best out of any situation. In this scene, Killua lets himself drown in Gon’s light, allows himself to feel this “wow” moment of pure admiration and love, and it’s absolutely beautiful.

It's extremely important to take the context of this scene into account. What happened is that Killua, who has been struggling mentally for the entire series with the fact that he's always running away, ran away once more, leaving Kite to die with Pitou. This ENTIRE chapter is literally adults absolutely DESTROYING Killua, first Kite's troupe bashing him for leaving Kite behind, and then Netero, Morel and Knov coming in like icing on the cake telling Killua that "After all, he's just a kid", and that he should hurry up to his mommy. 

Killua is beating himself up for running away again, got destroyed by Kite's team and 3 extremely strong pro hunters. His morale is down in the drains right now. He expects Gon to be mad at him for betraying Kite, for running away once again, for leaving Kite to die alone and ripping Gon away from Kite : he expects that he'll lose Gon for his cowardice.

HOWEVER, the first thing that Gon says to Killua after having been passed out for god knows how many hours is "Thank you". 

Gon woke up and instantly eased up all of Killua's fears : he wasn't a loser for running away, and Gon was actually thankful for him. Gon, at this moment, was the only one that showed kindness, understanding and gratefulness towards Killua. Gon even goes so far as saying that he knows that Kite isn't dead, and that they have to help him. At this instant, Gon is truly Killua's saving grace. He's the one that trusts him with his entire heart, and believes in his choices when even he can't believe in himself. Gon is truly Killua's light at this precise moment, because he was the only one who supported him, trusted him and reassured him in this awful situation.

How can someone shine so bright in such a terrible situation ? How can someone be so positive that nothing bad will happen ? 

Gon asserting all of this makes Killua respect him a lot. Keep this word in mind, because it’s going to be important in the next piece of subtext I’m analyzing, because those two scenes canonically follow each other and are basically Togashi highlighting that something special happened when Killua called Gon his light, and that his feelings deepened.

• Introduction to Palm's character (chapter 200)

This piece of subtext is very very easy to miss but it's one of the most important subtext-y scene, because coupled with the “Gon, you are light” scene, it’s very clear that this dialogue is deliberately highlighting Killua’s feelings.

This chapter introduces Palm's character (which, imo, is a character introduced for the sole intent of being a catalyst to Killua's feelings towards Gon, but I'll talk about it in my post talking about the CAA parallels) - edit: i talked about this briefly here.

So, Killua having looked into Gon's eyes for like 10min straight and concluded that Gon was the light of his life a chapter ago, is now chilling with Gon as they meet Palm. 

Palm takes them to a café and STRAIGHT OFF THE BAT harasses them about how much she's in love with Knov. Like when I say harassing, it's literally a whole page of her explaining her feelings towards Knov. 

There are two interesting things that can be drawn from this interaction.

First, it's extremely easy to draw parallels between Palm's situation towards Knov and Killua's situation towards Gon. Palm starts by saying how amazing her master is, that she probably has special feelings for him but the most important thing is to respect the other person. Remember how I talked about how this last scene was Killua having a surge of deep, deep respect for Gon ? Palm makes sure to highlight that special word, that it’s important to respect someone when it comes to love.

She then goes on to say that she hasn't said anything to Knov, and never will. All of this adds nothing to the story, it's empty dialogue, Togashi could've introduced Palm in virtually any other way possible, but he chose to drag her and the gay duo to a café and make her have a monologue about love RIGHT after the extremely emotional panel of Killua declaring that Gon is his light just a chapter ago.

But there's more. Not only does Palm monologue for a while about love, but after finishing her monologue, this happens :

This panel features ONLY Palm and Killua, her looking at him like the psycho she is, and straight up telling him that "love can suddenly spark out of nowhere, don't you think so?". 

What's so interesting about this is the fact that Togashi made the deliberate choice to have Palm say this to Killua and Killua ONLY, which after the gay existential crisis he had last chapter, can very much be applied to his situation. Love DID spark out of nowhere, and Togashi wants you to notice. Togashi could've made Palm say this to herself, with no distinct listener like the last panel, but he made the conscious choice to draw this panel with Palm adressing herself to Killua SPECIFICALLY. 

Those two pieces of subtext, that fit perfectly together, make me believe 100% that Togashi knows what he's doing and he's not unintentionally planting gay subtext in his work. The fact that Togashi sat at his desk, drew Killua calling Gon his light, and then followed this scene with the introduction to a character who picks Killua apart to tell him that "love is something that just happens, don't you think?" is 100% proof that Togashi knows what he's doing.

• Date with Palm (chapters 217 and 218)

I think this situation has many layers, but many people still dismiss it as bro behavior so I'm gonna try my best to counter argue. First of all, and although that's not proof of anything, Killua looks EXTREMELY distressed by the prospect of Gon going on a date with Palm, but that can be counter-argued by saying that Killua is just worried because Palm is completely crazy. 

What I want to talk about is the scene that happens right after, when Gon and Killua go to the gym (because theyre DUDES YEAH WE WORK OUT NO HOMO), and the conversation casually drifts to Killua asking Gon if he's ever been on a date before, valid question considering what just happened previously. There are multiple things here :

1) Killua seems distressed that Gon has been on dates before. While it can be argued that it's a normal reaction because Gon has and he hasn't, I believe that Killua - who is in no way a normal person who would get flustered about "not having been on dates before a certain age" - would not feel uncomfortable that his friend is more experienced than him - especially when literal seconds later, he monologues about how he doesn’t care about dates and just wants to stick with Gon.

2) Gon then proceeds to ask Killua if he's ever been on a date, to which Killua responds :

What I want to highlight is the panel where Killua says "And the truth is, I want to stay by your side... Always...". Basically, what Killua is saying, is that he doesn't care about dates, all he wants to do is be with Gon.

I don't think this can be counter-argued as bro behavior, but with all the subtext I've explained before, this right here is pretty gay. Togashi put this panel deliberately to show that Killua doesn't give a crap about dates when he can stay with Gon, and with the "gon you are light" scene and everything in mind, this is another intentional subtext.

There's also the fact that Killua stalks the date like a jealous girlfriend - but I'm not gonna count that as subtext because it can be argued that he's just worried about Gon because Palm is insane.

• Gon is my best friend ! (chapter 219)

Remember how I told you to keep the "It has to be Killua" subtext in mind because I was gonna come back to it later ? Well.

During Palm's date with Gon, Killua runs into Rammot, who would definitely have ran into Palm and nenless Gon. Killua is forced to confront his worst fear : this is the moment where he knows that if he runs away again, Gon WILL die. Killua is literally overcoming his "programming", the physical representation of years of abuse out of love and care for Gon. He's ripping out the needle from his forehead out of pure, genuine care for Gon, because if he doesn't, then he'll lose him forever. 

Now, what I actually wanna talk about is this panel :

What we see is Killua thinking happy thoughts about all his adventures with Gon because he can't - won't - doesn't want to run away anymore, and all this for his sake. But what I wanna draw attention to is the dodgeball panel that's bigger than all the others, and the only one where you can actually clearly make out what's written : "Killua ja nakya dame nan da". 

Now, isn't that interesting that the panel that takes a bigger place in the whole panel is the one with this particular sentence? Remember what I talked about a bit earlier, about how "~ ja nakya dame nan da" is a sentence with a lot of romantic connotations (would pretty much equal to "you're the one for me" in English). Clearly this particular sentence stuck with Killua. 

I'm not completely objective on this matter since I firmly believe that at this point, Killua has romantic feelings for Gon, but I interpret this as another deliberate thing Togashi did : putting the panel bigger so we can see that it has a particularly significant importance to Killua, and Killua's state of mind right now (not wanting to lose Gon). 

In my opinion, two things happened here: One, Killua remembers this specific interaction because he knows how much Gon trusts him and he doesn't want to betray his trust. But I also firmly believe that Killua remembered this specific interaction because of the romantic connotation the sentence "Killua ja nakya dame nan da" has. Those words clearly shocked him, and I think he remembers them in this life-threatening situation, after the "gon you are light" scene, Palm talking about "love just happens", the "i want to stay with you, always" because he realizes that he wishes Gon would say that sentence in a romantic context, and not in the context of the dodgeball match, thus leading him to surpass himself to prove his love and perhaps live to see the day where Gon could say those words in that romantic context.

Now, of course, all of this is my interpretation, so it's really up to debate, but I really wanna highlight the fact that Togashi deliberately CHOSE to highlight this particular interaction between Gon and Killua, this sentence with romantic subtext, to lead Killua to finally break his chains and be able to be protect Gon fully. It’s also interesting to note that the 2011 anime adaptation also makes it a point to emphasize how deep these words stuck to Killua by making it the last flashback that makes Killua effectively rip out the needle out of his head. 

Also let's quickly mention the irony in the situation here : while Gon is on a romantic date, Killua fights to protect him, overcoming his weakness to prove his love. It’s not Palm who deserves that date, it’s Killua.

• A lovers’ suicide (chapter 286)

Now, onto the most important piece of subtext, that can not be counterargued as platonic in any way, shape or form. During the palace invasion, Killua leaves Gon's side, proceeds to go kick Youpi's butt only to have to fall back because he used up all his electricity nen. When Killua is charging up, he meets with Meleoron, and tells him that once he's done charging, he'll go back to Gon's side. 

They briefly exchange information about the battle, and then Meleoron proceeds to ask Killua what's the plan for him and Gon. That's when Killua explains that "Once Gon is like this, he won't budge an inch. Worst case scenario, it'll be a double suicide.". At worst they both die, cool. They “go down in flames together”. It’s actually much, much more meaningful than that.

The specific word that Killua uses for double suicide is "心中" (shinjuu), which is a heavily romantically connotated word in japanese. Shinjuu, also translated as "lovers’ suicide", is when two people die out of love, by the same method, because there's a belief that this'll allow those two people to spend eternity together. Shinjuu is a major theme of Japanese literature, and it is always used romantically. It's a very uncommon word to use to refer to two people dying together, because of its heavy romantic connotation, and because it always refers to double suicide committed by people bound by love. In literature, it always refers to two lovers, in love. If you want to read more on shinjuu, i suggest this and this, those articles explain its historic roots and the definition, also emphasizing the feeling of "oneness" that characterizes shinjuu. If you’re interested, I also suggest reading the japanese article that defines shinjuu, and hitting the google translate button, it has some pretty interesting sentences like “Shinjuu is traditionally committed by men and women out of mutual love, in the hope that they will be connected in the afterlife because they can't be together in this world.”

So basically, what Killua is saying is that he wants to go back to Gon's side to die with him, committing a "lovers’ suicide" because he doesn't want to leave Gon to die alone, and wants to die with him.

I also want to emphasize how special this word is to Killua, and that he and everyone around him know the special meaning of this word - In chapter 300, Ikalgo literally says "We were... No, KILLUA was ready to commit shinjuu with Gon". Ikalgo is really highlighting the fact that this word holds special meaning, especially to Killua, and that it was HIM who was willing to commit shinjuu by staying with Gon. Ikalgo and company dying with Gon wouldn't be shinjuu, but Killua dying with Gon would be, and Togashi emphasizes this through Ikalgo's thoughts.

This is pretty much the gist of it, but I suggest reading the wonderful post I linked in the references below if you want to know more about this specific subtext.

(edit : i actually wrote a post going a bit more into detail on Killua’s shinjuu wish if you want to read it here ! :3)

• “The one that Gon needs the most is you” (chapter 294)

I will go into this subtext more in details when I write the post about parallels in CAA, but I still want to talk about it briefly here.

Like I said before, to me, Palm was introduced as a catalyst for Killua's feelings towards Gon. Togashi purposefully wrote Palm as having romantic feelings for Gon to foil Killua's feelings for Gon and make him show jealousy towards Palm. 

To Killua, Palm is someone who stole Gon from him, he sees her as a threat because maybe she'll make Gon happier than he does ? (ofc we all know thats not true but Killua is baby) - Basically, Killua thinks Palm might be more important to Gon than Killua is, because he believes they are romantically involved. That's why when he sees her again later on, after Gon rejected his help, leaving Killua helpess as to how to save his dear friend, Killua sees Palm as a saving grace. 

He knows that if Gon sees Palm as a chimera ant, he will spiral down even more, so he tries to reason with her to get her to be gentle to Gon, because if not her, then who could? Palm would clearly be able to comfort Gon, with whom Killua believes is romantically involved with, better than him, right ? If Gon rejected Killua, then clearly Palm could help, since she seems closer to Gon (BECAUSE HE BELIEVES THEYRE DATING), right? 

This confrontation between Palm and Killua closely ressembles a situation like an ex confronting a new girlfriend - and I think this is exactly why Togashi wrote Palm this way. He wanted Killua to confront who he thought was a threat to their relationship, making him believe that this person who's """"dating"""” Gon is more important to him than himself, only to have her openly admit that she means nothing to Gon. The only one Gon needs is Killua.

And that, my friends, coming from someone you believe is romantically involved with your best friend (who you probably have a crush on), someone you're jealous of, the one you thought was the person most important to him, that's a pretty meaningful statement. 

Basically, what's happening, is that Palm reaffirms that Gon holds Killua closer than a potential romantic partner. And that's why Killua is so, so happy to hear that. He was questioning his entire relationship, questioning if Gon even cared about him, because he rejected him a few minutes before, but then his "rival" comes in and reaffirms that even she knows that no one comes close to Killua to Gon.

I also want to mention that this act of pure love (Killua only thinking of saving Gon when in a life threatening situation) is what made Palm come back to her human senses. d'awwwwww

• Illumi and Hisoka’s parallel on lovers who die of Alluka’s requests. (chapter 323)

Now onto the final significant subtext - while I don't particularly think of it as subtext-y, I know a lot of people have so I still want to include it here.

When Illumi explains Alluka's powers to Hisoka, he explains that there are two different types of linked deaths when a request is failed : 1) the person who failed + the person they love the most 2) the person who failed + the people they spent most of their time with. 

When applied to Killua, Hisoka naturally comes to the conclusion that no matter the outcome, Gon would always be the one dying with Killua, because he's spent so much time with him, and because he's the one that Killua loves the most. In the panel where Illumi explains this, we see a romantic, heterosexual couple  demonstrating the effects of not completing one of Alluka's requests, and thus the "most important person dying". 

While not making any true parallels, the fact that Hisoka, and the readers, are drawn to compare a heterosexual, romantic pairing to Killua dying with Gon because he's his "most important person" is an interesting piece of subtext.

_______

I want to finish by talking about Killua's birthday and how significant it is in my opinion. All the main 4 characters have birthdays that fall on specific dates, related to Japanese tradition, and often with events that can be associated to their character. Gon's is 5/5, which is Children's Day. Kurapika's is 4/4, the number 4 being considered an unlucky number, and this being an unlucky day to have a child. Leorio's is 3/3, Hinamatsuri (not really any main parallels here but still). But Killua's birthday is 7/7, and is the Japanese day to celebrate Tanabata. 

If you are not familiar with Tanabata, the story is as follows : Orihime is a princess who works for her father, working hard and well, but she laments the fact that because of her hard work she can't meet someone and fall in love. Her father arranges for her to meet Hikoboshi, allowing Orihime to leave because he expects her to come back to work for him, but the two immediately fall in love and get married, and she never returns. I won't get into the rest of the story as it's this part that interests me the most, but if you want to read more about Killua and Tanabata I suggest reading the post I referenced below.

Does the story of Orihime remind you of anyone ? Killua also works for his father, but laments the fact that he can't go outside and meet someone. His father then lets him go, saying, and i quote: "he will come back, because he's my son". Doesn't this remind you of the tale of Tanabata ? Killua's story references the tale of Orihime perfectly, and I believe this is intentional : Killua's birthday isn't of any importance to the plot, so why make it Tanabata, a day that celebrates a love story that closely ressembles Killua's story ? The answer is simple : subtext.

With all this in mind, I think it's pretty clear that Togashi is writing intentional subtext to hint at Killua's feelings being romantic in nature. Togashi is a master writer, he has years of experience, and I strongly believe he knows what he's doing and not planting unintentional subtext. He's a very smart man, and knows how all of this can be interpreted.

I will finish by saying that Togashi is NOT an author that would deliberately queerbait his readers. So many people dismiss the possibility of having gay subtext leading onto an actual canon gay relationship because "it's not like the author would ever have gay main characters". While this holds true for a lot of manga authors, especially shonen manga authors, it does NOT apply to Togashi. 

Togashi has always displayed interest in queer subjects and queer representation, putting trans characters in all of his major works (Miyuki in YYH, Mikihisa in Level E and Alluka in HxH). There were also canonically gay characters in his previous works : Itsuki in YYH, and a character named Kuramoto in Level E. 

Togashi also always had interest in mangas having BL elements, citing Maya Mineo's "Patalliro!" as a manga he was attracted to during High School. If you're unfamiliar with Patalliro, the story focuses on the main character's love life as a gay man.  He also admitted to basing Hiei's (YYH) design off a character from that manga. 

Last but not least, Togashi mentioned in a note included in volume 1 of YYH that he wanted to write a sports manga, called The Trouble Quartet, where basically all the characters are gay. Togashi said he based it off his own interests as a writer, and that while it was refused by Shonen Jump, he got deeply attached to the project and that he would love to explore this project in a different shape once he made a name for himself. I suggest reading this post because the parallels between The Trouble Quartet and HxH are HILARIOUSLY accurate.

In short, Togashi has always had interest in queer matters, and was always interested in putting queer representation in his work. After YYH, which was a terrible experience for Togashi as a writer, he managed to snatch a contract that basically allows him to do whatever he wants with HxH. Having always held dear BL matters but never being able to explore it to his full intent, I believe Togashi is exploring queer identity further with HxH, because Shonen Jump basically lets him do anything.

To conclude, with Togashi's past experience and skill, his interest in queer representation, and the amount of subtext surrounding Killua, I honestly believe that Togashi is trying to explore further queer representation, and I wouldn't be surprised if HxH ends with Gon and Killua becoming a canon pairing, whether it be delivered in an ambiguous manner or not. 

Edit : I actually wrote a post on why I believe it won’t be ambiguous, and that it’s truly never been ambiguous, just developing : here.

I hope you enjoyed the read, thank you for reading all of this, and feel free to show this to anyone who denies subtext in HxH !

REFERENCES

- "It has to be Killua" - Medium article, "Impossibilities in Translating Queerness : The Dodgeball Dilemma" 

- Palm's Date Scene - Reddit post, "Togashi's love of Ambiguity: Chapters 217 and 218" 

-A thematic analysis of Palm’s character : ”The Issue With Palm”

- Shinjuu - Tumblr post by hunterxhell, "A lovers' suicide, I guess." :  + the post that mentions Ikalgo talking about shinjuu 

- An analysis on different subtext-y situations

- Illumi and Hisoka’s parallel : here and here 

- Killua’s birthday : "Killua, July 7th, and the significance of his birthdate”

- Togashi's interview mentioning Mineo's Patalliro 

[finelinevogue]

Hello! For the continued part of the blurb in which Harry and YN get casted together; this is the reminder :))

Also here’s a thought about it:

Maybe since like Harry met Olivia on DWD, when Tangled started they're like broken up and so so to make it more realistic (It was more of a suggestion but just do you, your readers would love it either way) :))

Have a great day!!!

yes we will definitely continue this!! okay let’s go;

First day nerves were always the worst.

Whether it was first day of school, first day of a new job, first day at university or, in your case, first day on set, you always got a really bad case of the nervous butterflies. It was just unnerving having to meet new people and try and fit into the way everything worked around here. You were a very social person when you came out of your shell, but you could be a hard one to crack if you weren’t with the right people. Luckily for you this set definitely had the right people. After briefly meeting him on the red carpet for Don’t Worry Darling and then having him text you afterwards, you have to say that now working with Harry Styles seemed like a dream. His music and his charisma shaped him into someone you really liked and really wanted to know more about. He was your all time crush and unfortunately, for you, he’d probably gathered that by now - what with your blushing interview over him.

The weather was beautiful and the buzz on set was amazing. Everyone was rushing around and trying to busy themselves until filming started at 8am. You had just been in hair and makeup and were on your way to set now. The movie wasn’t being filmed in its’ complete order, so the first scene that you were filming was where Flynn climbs up the tower and meets Rapunzel for the first time. Where Harry meets you.

You couldn’t quite believe you were actually here. You were a Disney princess, and your favourite one at that. The purple dress was everything you’d imagined and you felt like a dreamy cloud in it. Your flip flops and robe covered most of your outfit though, to keep you warm until you were needed on set. Instead of going straight inside the filming building, you sat outside on a nearby bench hoping to calm your nerves.

To keep your mind preoccupied you went over and over your lines in your head, cursing yourself when you messed up over something so small. Your fingers picked away at each other, damaging the nail-art that had only recently been put on.

“You’re going to cost the makeup department a fortune if you keep doing that.” You didn’t need to look up to know that it was Harry who was approaching you, but you did anyways. He looked beautiful. His hair was styled the same way as Flynn Ryders and you could see the outlines of his costume underneath the coat he was wearing.

“Oh, sorry.” You laughed nervously, putting your head back down to stop him from catching your blush.

“Hey no need for apologises. Just wanted to make sure you were okay.” He spoke honestly and you felt the warmth of his words spread over your body, like butter on toast.

“Just really nervous.” You admitted shyly.

“Can I…” He pointed towards the bench space next to you.

“‘Course, yes.” You patted the space encouragingly and watched him pull the trousers up from his thighs to sit more comfortably. God, those thighs. You cleared your throat to detach the dirty thoughts from the back of your mind.

It was quiet until he spoke again. “What’s your favourite Disney movie?”

“What?” You asked confused and Harry repeated the question as calmly as he did last time. You expected him to start giving you words of advice, not asking you your favourite Disney movie. “Oh, um, Tangled of course.”

“You know you don’t just have to say that because you’re the lead actress in the movie.” He nudged you with his shoulder, making you laugh as you swayed away and then back to him.

“Yeah I know.”

“Pity.”

“Why?”

“Just would’ve taken you for more of an avid Lion King fan.” He joked, his dimpled smile boasting its’ way onto his cheeky face.

“I am, actually. I just, there’s something about Rapunzel that draws me to her. I don’t know whether it’s her childhood was similar to mine—”

“Wait you were abducted by a weirdly attractive evil woman who claims to be your— wait! So you’re a princess?” Before you can answer he knelt down before you, capturing your hands in his - neither of your missing the tingles of passion when your skin touched skin - and holding them tightly, whilst he began speaking again, “M’lady, forgive me for being so simple.”

“Harry! What are you doing, y’fool?” You laughed at him, trying to get him to sit back next to you as you’d drawn the attention from a few crew members.

“I’m grovelling at the feet of my future Queen.” He said so matter-of-factly you almost, nearly, truly believed him. Chuffing actor.

“Get up you oaf!” And he did with a little more persuasion. “What I meant was that my childhood was quite isolated and lonely - I didn’t have many friends at all.” You spoke from the heart, not expecting Harry’s eyebrows to furrow with confusion or for him to look so sad.

“I’m sorry.” You knew he meant it.

“At least I have Flo, though, now.” You smiled at the thought of your amazing best friend, whom also happened to be Harry’s most recent co-star. Their performances in Don’t Worry Darling were second to none and you were so proud of Flo for delivering such an awe inspiring delivery to her character Alice.

“And me. Don’t forget me.”

“I could never.” You turned to look at him, unprepared to find him staring back at you with hearts in his eyes. You blushed and had to look away, but you rested the side of your head on his shoulder out of natural instinct. It felt right and it felt comforting. “Thank you, though Harry.”

“Always.” He rested his head back against yours, both of you just watching the busy people prepare for your first scene. The nerves had gone though, now, and you were feeling more at peace with yourself - and with him. “Oh and Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“I think that you’re drawn to Rapunzel, because she embodies your courage, kindness, beauty and compassion.” Your heart swelled at his words. You never thought someone could think of you this way, let alone Harry. You pushed your head tighter against his shoulder, wanting him to wordlessly know that you were really grateful for him.

“Smooth, Harry!” He laughed with you, “How long have you been rehearsing that?”

“Too many other lines to remember to be learning them ones too. That, Y/N, was all ad-lib.” And your heart swooned a little more again. He was just so perfect and he made you feel safe. There wasn’t a good enough phrase or word in the English dictionary to justify how good of a person he was or how much he meant to you.

“You’re too good.”

“Too good to maybe ask you out for a drink after today?” You brought your head away from his shoulder in shock from what he just asked. Harry, the Harry Styles, was asking you, Y/N L/N, out for a drink. What?

“No, I think i’ll let you take me out for a drink.” You smiled at him, admiration sitting heavily in your eyes that there was no way he could miss it.

“Yeah?” His eyes glinted back at yours.

“Only if you stop with the compliments, i’m so bad for accepting them.”

“Hmm, no can do.” You rolled your eyes and reached over to take his hand in yours and he instantly linked his fingers with yours. It felt right. Warm. Safe.

“Fine, but don’t be alarmed if I just jump you for being too nice to me or something.” Your words came out faster than your brain could process and your eyes widened once you realised what you’d just said to him. You’d just threatened to jump Harry Styles. Fuck sake. And now he wad laughing, at you or with you you didn’t know.

“Alright, but you don’t be alarmed if I do nothing to stop you.”

Now you understood why he didn’t need to ask what was wrong or if you were okay, his presence was comforting enough to make your nerves dissipate and focus on the only thing that now mattered; him.

[sundaybee]

Chance Encounters (Pepa x Fem!Reader) Pt 5

Based on the prompt: “From behind I thought that you were my relative, which is why I tapped you on your shoulder, but honestly you’re much hotter.”

Pt 5 of 8

Pt 6

I’m thinking the reader and triplets are in their early twenties. Somewhere between 20-23.

As always I am not a native Spanish speaker, so if I butchered a sentence or word let me know so I may correct it.

Hope you enjoy!

“Gracias Señora, I appreciate your hospitality.” You said to the matriarch. 

“De nada it’s the least we can do.” She said, repeating Julieta’s earlier phrase. The only difference was she shot Pepa a sharp look and you watched the redhead shrink on herself. 

“Julieta escort Y/N to her room. I wish to speak to your sister.” Alma said and turned to face her middle child. 

“Sí mamá.” Julieta said and gave Pepa an encouraging look. 

You watched Pepa nod at her sister and stand straight as Alma approached her. Julieta had to pull you out of the room before you witnessed the strained relationship the two women had.

——

“You destroyed that poor girl’s home!” Alma practically shrieked when she believed the two wouldn’t overhear the conversation.

“I didn’t mean too!” Pepa said and clasped her hands tightly together. A cloud appeared over her. 

“Whether you meant too or not you did! You did serious damage to the whole Encanto! If you can’t learn to control your emotions we will need to find a more permanent solution to controlling your gift.” Alma stated.

“Mamá! It’s not that easy!” Pepa shouted. Her nails were now digging into her palms causing little dots of blood to appear.

“Lower your voice! You will make amends to this town for your behavior. Every day you will assist in the rebuild of every home you destroyed along with your regular chores.” Both Alma and Pepa were fuming.

“But mamá!-“ Pepa was cut off.

“That is final!” Alma stated. It wasn’t up for debate, and Pepa knew it.

“Yes ma’am.” Pepa stated through gritted teeth. 

“Now go and figure out how to apologize to Y/N and pray she doesn’t hold the whole family accountable for this storm.”

Pepa turned on her foot and fled. Tears stung her eyes and blood seeped under her nails and she fled to her room. 

Little did Pepa know you and Julieta hadn’t strayed far and heard the whole conversation between the two. You looked at Julieta, your eyes just full of sadness for what you overheard. Julieta held both your hands and gave them a reassuring squeeze before leading you away.

——

Days passed and you saw very little of the middle triplet. She scarfed down her breakfast before rushing off to do her chores and help rebuild the town. She never came home for lunch and Julieta had to leave a plate out for her for a late night dinner. 

After the fourth day of this you huffed and decided you’d find her. Admittedly a lot of your time had been dedicated to the rebuilding of your home. You felt bad you hadn’t gone to comfort Pepa sooner but you felt confident the men working on your walls would be okay without you for a while. 

——

“Bruno, I can't find her anywhere!” You said and slouched down on the edge of the fountain. You had walked the town twice looking for the redhead and you’ve yet to find her. 

“I’m sure she’s around here somewhere. Mamá is working her hard.” He said softly. 

He and Julieta both felt bad about her situation. She hadn’t meant to cause the storm but that didn’t matter to their mother. It wasn’t fair how hard she was being worked but neither he nor Julieta had the guts to ever stand up to their mother. Not for themselves let alone their sister. 

You pouted before finally getting back up and resuming your search. You had connected some dots from the night of Pepa’s storm. It had been bad, really bad, so something must have happened to cause such distress. You had a feeling that Pepa didn’t miss your get together by choice. 

Alma was a leader and she had built a safe haven but that firm hand had bled into her home. Even as a guest you tried to keep your place and not do anything to draw unnecessary attention to yourself. 

You and Bruno passed by some of the repaired shops when the flash of red caught your eye. You back stepped and there you saw Pepa nestled between the buildings in the narrow alley. She was sitting with her head buried into her lap. You nudged Bruno and pointed towards his sister, he nodded at you and waited while you made your way down the narrow passage.

“Pepa?” You called out softly and crouched down in front of her as best as you could in the tight area.

Pepa’s head shot up at your voice and blushed. She had been so lost in her emotions and exhaustion she hadn’t even noticed you come down the alley, let alone crouch before her. Your faces were inches apart and it made her nervous. 

“Are you okay?” You asked and frowned at her eye bags and scuffed up hands and knees. 

“Sí I’m fine.” She said softly and glanced away. 

“What are you doing down here?”

“I’m….resting.” She muttered as she stared at the ground. You frowned. Alma was working her daughter too hard and her body was beginning to suffer.

“Do you want to take a break somewhere less…cramped?” You asked.

“No!” Pepa shouted and immediately became embarrassed and her cloud appeared. You glanced at it before squeezing yourself beside her and sitting, your shoulders touching. 

“Okay.” You simply said. 

You were now between her and the exit and you discreetly shooed Bruno off. He understood and carefully slipped away before anyone noticed. 

“You don’t have to sit with me.” Pepa said, though deep down she prayed you wouldn’t leave. 

“Well, I didn’t get a chance to spend the other day with you and I don’t see you at meals so if this is how I need to get my Pepa time so be it.” You said and grinned at her. Pepa’s face now was bright red and she tugged on her braid as her cloud disappeared.

You both sat in silence for a few minutes before Pepa finally spoke up.

“I’m sorry for not showing up.” 

“I have a sneaking suspicion it was out of your control.” You replied. Pepa looked up at you in surprise.

“You aren’t mad?”

“At first I was disappointed and felt a little foolish.” You admitted. Pepa felt her stomach tighten up.

“But if the storm was anything to go by I assume something serious happened.” You added.

Pepa just watched the side of your face for a moment before letting a small smile out. 

“Sí something like that.” She said and looked down again before sitting in silence. 

“I’m sorry your mamá is working you so hard.” You finally said. 

“It’s not fair. You didn’t mean to cause that storm, it shouldn't be on your shoulders to assist everyone.” 

“I shouldn’t have become so upset at mamá or it wouldn’t have happened.” Pepa replied and sighed.

“It’s not wrong to feel things. Even if your feelings are connected to the weather you should still feel them as deeply as the rest of us feel our own.” You said and stared intensely at her. 

“My emotions can kill a person.” Pepa replied softly. 

“Hey, get me angry enough and so can mine.” You teased earning a small laugh from Pepa. 

“Just don’t feel bad about any of this. Storms will happen with or without you influencing them. It’s a part of life.” You said and in an act of comfort you reached your arm around her shoulder and pulled her close into a side hug.

It was close and cramped and you couldn’t really face her but you didn’t mind. You assumed she didn’t mind either when she leaned further into you, causing you to blush slightly. 

After a few moments you stood and pulled her to her feet.

“Now let’s get you to Julieta and get you healed up.”