#I feel weird or bad
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My friend posted about how he regrets every day not going to the burial of our friend who died by suicide and. It. I also didn’t go and. Made me feel like if I was wrong to do so. Idk I just. I was falling apart and didn’t want to fall apart in front of his family as they were going through so much and I did not know his family well at all and I wonder if that truly was the best move or if I was just centering myself. Idk.
#he was taking about how he thinks that’s why he’s grown apart from some of our friend group and I wonder now if that’s the same for me#idk I just. I miss him so much sorry#I just what a day to not be able to take my antidepressants bc wood#*woof#and I just. i just. after he died for about a year or two#for like 2 solid years I would see him in my dreams and he would be alive and I knew I knew he wasn’t actually alive but it was like in my#dreams I had a chance to talk to him again and try to stop him and figure out if I could help and tell him that I loved him#idk#I just. since I started law school and it’s been about 3 years now#but since I started school I. don’t have those dreams every night anymore and I’ve gotten to the point I haven’t had them in about like 6 or#more months and idk#I feel weird or bad#bc. I miss him so much and I used to at least be able to see him when I went to sleep#and I just I’m afraid I’m gonna forget what he sounds like soon#I think about him almost everyday I just#I hope he’s in a better place and knows we love him I hope he’s not in as much pain and I wish I could give him a huge again#I still#make my usernames Kate bishop references bc he always called me Ms bishop as a joke and I miss him so much#sorry sorry#personal#don’t reblog
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sorry danny, sam will never think you’re cool
#danny phantom#danny fenton#sam manson#theres some ocs#college au#sam’s goth book club#i feel like she’d make a lot of good friends at a college#the trio has a highly rehearsed excuse for danny being weird#nobody has any idea what ecto-contamination is bc it doesn’t exist#ghosts are common-ish knowledge by now and amity is the known epicenter#stranger: holy shit your hand just went through that wall#danny: yeah it’s a medical condition :(#fentonworks is in on it too#for credibility#too bad the goths wanted vampires#moving to a new city did wonders for dannys popularity though#he’s got a lot he’s hiding so he can’t really take advantage#he probably knows more people number wise#but has less friends than sam#Tucker has a thriving social media life#but doesn’t get out much#hence that technus comic#can’t believe I finished this#lit took a whole ass week#hahahaha
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love when ppl defend the aggressive monetization of the internet with "what, do you just expect it to be free and them not make a profit???" like. yeah that would be really nice actually i would love that:)! thanks for asking
#yes i want things to be free like ??? that is not a weird desire#'but but it costs money to keep up' ok and? how is that my problem#the government has plenty of murder dollars they could reallocate a few to make internet services universal if they wanted#also these companies were perfectly capable of supporting themselves before the internet got drowned with ads so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#edit: muting notifs on this post bc new additions have kind of petered out#so no one feel bad about adding something someone else has said‚ it is not bothering me im just trying to keep my#notifs page cleanish lol#also since i saw some people are being redirected to read my tags: firstly hiiiiii this is a special secret message for you:3#secondly i have learned since making this that the reason they were able to support themselves previously was because#of investors bankrolling everything#and theyre now finally realizing that theyre never going to actually make a profit and arent as willing to invest#however thats just a minor correction and doesnt change my overall point#once again. so many murder dollars#so thats why im just adding it here in the tags rather than making an actual correction#anyways . love yall 💕#origibberish#bigger gibbers
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Birds of a Feather previous / next
#my art#feralnette au#birds of a feather#long tags#sorry I went apeshit in the tags#LETS SAY IT ALL TOGETHER NOW#I - M - A - G - OOOOOOOOO#its fun drawing marinette's back to Alya and having her appear stout and unstoppable and totally logical#and then you see her face and she's like two seconds from completely snapping and is keeping it together by a thread#as a note just because mari feels very certainly abt smth doesnt mean she's right. feelings can be valid and also irrational#in the throes of grief she decided it was better to be alone than to lose someone again so she started pulling away#and lila made pulling away very very very easy to do#shes also vaguely aware she's being unfair in pinning this on alya which is why she started spinning the drain on cockmoth again#legitimately all the shit that's happened to her wouldn't have been so catastrophic if he was never in the picture and she knows it#but the bitterness of her bestie choosing a fantastic liar over her at the worst of times stiiiiiings#alya's personal timing was bad but lila really took advantage of the fact that marinette had been acting off and weird#she basically clocked marinette as being unstable from SOMETHING and made up a lie about her#knowing she wouldn't have the strength to defend herself#between her social life going tachy bc of lila and losing fu in a way that felt like personhood death marinette was really put on the spot#and alya doing her thing of busting in there and assuming her bias is correct was a terrible combo#essentially marinette is highly unstable and alya is just realizing that#busting in and giving her a lecture when she's slightly hysterical and definitely delirious from exhaustion is NOT the way#to show her she's self sabotaging#cuz thats just gonna make her double down on self sabotaging. bc marinette will not accept that she is also a CHIIIIILD
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Older Sylus as actual dad 😭👌✨
#u can't tell me he doesn't sound like divorced dad who tried his best to reconnect with his daughter & care her on her cramp clumsily#love and deepspace#at least it is until the part he started the massage; tbh only after i think of him as a dad that his charm point increases for me#i just feel the whole thing with sylus is weird like it is kinda forced that he is overly affectionate as the bad guy#love and deepspace fanart#lads fanart#fanart#love and deepspace sylus#love and deepspace mc#love and deepspace kieran#love and deepspace luke#love and deepspace zayne#sylus#luke#kieran#zayne#lads zayne#lads sylus#lads luke#lads kieran#lads mc#i want him olderr damnit!!! make him actual mafia father#fshdh the way he made small talk about the blanket was so dad#and the way he clumsily talk about the sugar is so dad#what the hellll HE is SooooOOooo daaaddd..........#plsss adoopt my MC and stop being flirty with me (impossible)#sorry guys i don't want to date sylus i want older him to become mc's adoptive dad dot png
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pvp civ nation...... this aint much but pls take my contribution for this series bc im going insane i love hate this man so much get him out of my head
#pvp civilization#pvp civ#I'LL MAKE A PROPER ONE I SWEARR I JUST NEED TO GET THIS OUT OF MYSYSTEM FIRST#if it turns out he gets a bad ending in ep 6 i dont think i'll be ok like#he deserves a good ending . or a villain arc at least. he deserves to go batshit crazy after how everyone treated him#ALSOO the chekovs gun video journal device thing?? The excessive 4th wall breaking?#Is it just me or does jt feel like evbo is gonna lose his memory/already lost his memory and was sent to the wood sword lvl with tabi#or like . Idk?? It feels kind of truman show ish. Well maybe not that but its just the vibe im getting w the way that everyone has their-#-own secrets. How the diamond swords seems to know who evbo n tabi is. How princezam knows about the diamond swords#and then theres also parrot whos just?? Weird overall?? Idk whats going on w him but i need to know his backstory wdym u think evbo will-#-hate you if he knows what you did??#ANYWAY BACK TO THE VIDEO JOURNAL AND POTENTIAL MEMORY LOSS.#I dont want jt to go that way (mostly bc i dont want to see evbo suffer more than he already did) but it rlly does seem like its heading to#that direction w the way that it also has become a way to narrate what he went through (ie when the ep shows his attempts to beat the-#gold sword lvl but hes narrating it from the future. from his video journal. where he already beat the lvl)#im going insane#Wait also what i meant by the truman show vibe in relation to the excessive 4th wall breaks it makes it sound like pvp civ is just a -#simulation#wait i just remembered its the matrix not that mb umm#anyways.#empty chattering#kokotehart
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you, and what little remains of your brother.
#sonic#sonic the hedgehog#metal sonic#miles tails prower#unbreakable bond#'family photo. say cheese!' neither of them have a mouth lol..#tails doll#thinking again abt how metal sonic was reprogrammed to hate tails. and yet he still must feel horrid guilt over his death.#im a 'tails doll has bad future tails inside; hes just not All there like metal is' truther#me (drawing thinsg that most likely arent even canon) I HATE THIS WHY IS THIS SO DEPRESSING#if you couldnt tell... tails is using sonics weird uncoiled arm as a pillow...#it isnt relevant but i think theyre in the westside dump here. back where he found tails in the first place.#i dont think either of them remember that by now. only 'this place is painful. this place is important.'#roboticized sonic theory#the title is supposed to be vague as well. works in either direction#tails doll->my brother my hero. trapped in that horrifying form. unable to be the good person i KNOW he is. is there any part of you left?#metal sonic->my brother my hope. trapped in that useless body. does he even recognize me? how much can you think? see? feel? are you empty?#my nyart#anywya#i have other versions with amy (her silhouette at least LOLSIES) but i didnt like em as much so i just... byebye ✌#serious co.pa opening vibes from this#'sachi is my pride and joy... i dont think she even recognizes me anymore...'#you get it#thats not a question. its a command. you Understand. you Do Understand...
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Pls consider MBJ looking between his spy and his spy's didi and just trying to make sense of these two
POV: you are Mobei Jun looking at your loyal servant glare absolute murderous daggers at you while his younger brother (that you didn't know about) is just staring at you weirdly
#svsss#shang qinghua#original shang qinghua#shang brothers#shang bros#airplane bro#airplane shooting towards the sky#mobei jun#Mobei is so confused by why they both look almost identical with a COMPLETELY different personality#Small Airplane bas a crush#Mobei Jun just thinks the small Shang Qinghua is weird#he doesnt do anything to him because he has a feeling his 'loyal'#servant would betray him in an instant if he does so he leaves him be#this idea makes me laugh butnim not sure if it would be canon to this au#tbh everything is canon in any au i do im SO bad at keeping track of what#but its because Shen Yuan is around Shang Qinghuas age and Shen Yuan helps small Binghe#so I kind wanted slightly older Shang Qinghua to help small Mobei Jun when he was in the human world#i have to make a timeline oh my god#but i to TRY to have Airplane bro be in some spy thing with Mobei Jun similar to canon but I need Og to also be in some spy thing so im not#sure if i should have it that he finds out about the demon and helps them to keep an eye out for his brother or if#OG Shang Qinghua is working with another Ice demon like his father or Linguang jun#if its Linguang Jun then it would be interesting to see the two brothers come head to head#of course Og would be on his brothers side but with some angst haaaaa#idk right now i dont have anything set in stone so everything is canon yay!!!!#all you authors out there are so string and brave because this is just in my head and im fighting for my life#my art#nibbelraz#ask
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It's interesting (if often frustrating) to see the renewed Orc Discourse after the last few episodes of ROP. I've seen arguments that orcs have to be personifications of evil rather than people as such or else the ethics of our heroes' approach to them becomes much more fraught. Tolkien's work, as written, seems an odd choice to me for not wrangling with difficult questions, and of course, more diehard fans are going to immediately bring up Shagrat and Gorbag.
If you haven't read LOTR recently, Shagrat and Gorbag are two orcs who briefly have a conversation about how they're being screwed over by Sauron but have no other real options, about their opinions of mistakes that have been made, that they think Sauron himself has made one, but it's not safe to discuss because Sauron has spies in their own ranks. They reminisce about better times when they had more freedom and fantasize about a future when they can go elsewhere and set up a small-scale banditry operation rather than being involved in this huge-scale war. Eventually, however, they end up turning on each other.
Basically any time that someone brings up the "humanity" of this conversation, someone else will point out that they're still bad people. They're not at all guilty about what they're part of. They just resent the dangers to themselves, the pressure from above, failures of competence, the surveillance they're under, and their lack of realistic alternative options. The dream of another life mentioned in the conversation is still one of preying on innocent people, just on a much smaller and more immediate scale, etc.
I think this misses the reason it keeps getting brought up, though. The point is not that Shagrat and Gorbag are good people. The point is that they are people.
There's something very normal and recognizable about their resentment of their superiors, their fears of reprisal and betrayal that ultimately are realized, their dislike of this kind of industrial war machine that erases their individual work and contributions, the tinge of wistfulness in their hope of escape into a different kind of life. Their dialect is deliberately "common"—and there's a lot more to say about that and the fact that it's another commoner, Sam, who outwits them—but one of the main effects is to make them sound familiar and ordinary. And it's interesting that one of the points they specifically raise is that they're not going to get better treatment from "the good guys" so they can't defect, either.
This is self-interested, yes, but it's not the self-interest of some mystical being or spirit or whatnot, but of people.
Tolkien's later remarks tend to back this up. He said that female orcs do exist, but are rarely seen in the story because the characters only interact with the all-male warrior class of orcs. Whatever female orcs "do," it isn't going to war. Maybe they do a lot of the agricultural work that is apparently happening in distant parts of Mordor, maybe they are chiefly responsible for young orcs, maybe both and/or something else, we don't know. But we know they're out there and we know that they reproduce sexually and we know that they're not part of the orcish warrior class.
Regardless of all the problems with this, the idea that orcs have a gender-restricted warrior class at all and we're just not seeing any of their other classes because of where the story is set doesn't sound like automatons of evil. It sounds like an actual culture of people that we only see along the fringes.
And this whole matter of "but if they're people, we have to think about ethics, so they can't be people" is a weird circular argument that cannot account for what's in LOTR or for much of what Tolkien said afterwards. Yes, he struggled with The Problem of Orcs and how to reconcile it with his world building and his ethical system, but "maybe they're not people" is ultimately not a workable solution as far as LOTR goes and can't even account for much of the later evolution of his ideas, including explicit statements in his letters.
And in the end, the real response that comes to mind to that circular argument is "maybe you should think about ethics more."
#i had a whole 'nother tangent that i split off into a separate draft#but i've been thinking about why the 'but shagrat and gorbag are still BAD people' thing seems so inane and missing the point#but yeah. i feel like people desperately want to find some justification in tolkien (and elsewhere) for the idea#that doing something wrong to a person will become doing something right if you can find someone who 'deserves it'#and that literally anything can be justified if someone has been defined as a valid target (i.e. less than a person)#(you see this a lot in the whole twitter main character of the day thing - the idea that the problem is directing the firehose#against the wrong person by mistake rather than the firehose itself)#but it's super weird for a novel built on a metaphor about how using the tools of evil for a good end or against existential enemies#is fundamentally corrupting and only further props up what it's meant to oppose#and i mean... the character most like tolkien literally says he could not morally justify lying to an orc and rejects the ring#it's not exactly a deeply buried theme of the book#anghraine babbles#long post#anghraine rants#legendarium fanwank#legendarium blogging#shagrat#gorbag#tv: lotr#jrr tolkien
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I… don’t really see myself continuing with the Amazing Digital Circus anymore.
#txt#it’s not a bad show#the recent episode was also pretty alright#but I don’t know. it’s just not clicking for me ya know? even though I really want to#I love the designs and the premise. I love that it has girls that are weird in not that condescending modern writing kind of way#the last episode just confused me. it felt purposefully aimless and then the last 3 minutes suddenly it was about Gangle wanting to be like#but… has anyone explictely shown any dislike for her other than Jax? everyone seems very friendly with her#I feel like it would have made more sense if Gangle felt mistreated or neglected#because a lot of terrible shit does happen to her (specifically from Jax) and nobody intervenes#whatever. I’m happy that other people are enjoying the episode though. I’m just not feeling this show anymore
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Instead of writing a fanfic like a normal person this oneshot turned into two separate, contextless things,

#sorry it’s how my brain works (sometimes can only see things in terms of tv scene-)#tumblr exclusive video fancy…#dcmk#my art#(quietly coughing and spluttering) OK alright I can feel the creative brain explosion slowing down. geez#coughs.#nyways. weird that there hasn’t really been a main case where poison is involved in a certain way#If I watch my own scribbled boards for too long im gonna get too embarrassed to post. Send post#Subarus hair is still infuriating by the way like take that off your normal hair is easier. The beanie is easier#you like Have to have the side corners on this haircut or it doesn’t look right#anyways. shiho ptsd moments I think she kind of gets irritated that shinichi doesn’t react the same so when he does she gets like#weirded out and vindicated and a little protective. Like woah wait. Love that you understand me rn don’t like that you feel bad I am going…#to………���. ssssssssssit here about it…………………………….. uhhhh. do you want. a rubix cube to get your mind off it#I don’t want to talk about my feelings I just want you to get it. you don’t wanna talk about your feelings either which is……………. Hmmmmmm#I like her. love of my life miyano shiho#masumi sera#conan edogawa#ai haibara#akai shuichi#let conan swear. HE SWEARS A LOT BUT LET HIM SWEAR IN ENGLISH I KNOW HE KNOWS THEM#man needs his emotional support akai family they like him#rigorous trials to being approved by the akai matriarch but everyone else likes him already and have already picked him up multiple times#and shuichi would let him swear
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Silly guys goin' on silly adventures:]



@rorydrawsandwrites's puppeteer au but the only difference is that jax gives consent
My contribution to this wonderful au has been long overdue:')
Rambling in tags ehe (cw: ribbun:p)
Well maybe it's not the only difference
#I think in this version of the au possesion puts you into an almost dream-like state#Slipping into a sort of weird trance#Like physically you still have control of your body#But mentally you're mindlessly following orders from a disembodied voice#Kinda works like that imperius curse in harry potter (yes ik rowling sucks)#And jax soon figured out it was great for dissasociating😀#Escapism and heavily dependant on those possesion sessions to preserve his own mental stability:')#But *cue dramatic music🥁*#He eventually realises that it was not the possesion that brings him comfort and peace no more#But the presence and embrace of gangle that did<3💖💗💞#Jskhsskhj sorry that was so cheesy🧀#Well more or less its because he hadnt have human interaction in AWHILE it seems#Goose did confirm that it has been a long time since he last got a hug:(#*almost* made me feel bad there#Mkay enough rambling about this slight very minor variation of the story#I hope this whole thing was coherent to even be readable=]#Maybe ill even add emojis✨#tadc gangle#tadc jax#ribbun#the amazing digital circus#Tadc au#tadc fanart#tadc fandom#gangle x jax#jax x gangle#Let me have this guys#Let me indulge-#Her head is a tad bit too small yes IM AWARE#This is actually probably my fastest post to reach 100 notes wth (in like 7-8 hours)
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honestly just in general it's very exhausting to try to analyze media that is literally meant to be analyzed, only for the replies to be filled with people arguing not against your analysis, but against the premise that the media can be analyzed at all.
i don't even know what to say about it without starting to really betray my frustration, so i'll just settle with— just don't engage with analysis posts? I'm serious. if you're typing a response to a media analysis post, reread what you've written and ask yourself "is this comment/response against the very concept of analyzing the media at all?" and if the answer is yes then delete it all and go sit in the shame corner. throw your curtains away if you want to so bad and stop telling me that I'm not allowed to hum and haw at the fact mine are blue
#ml fandom salt#I suppose#and no amount of adding ''stop telling me to not analyze the media'' on my analysis posts stops people from saying it anyway#and yes. the leaks count. stop telling me that the existence of outdated leaks invalidates all analyses of the completed material#and no. just like every other time i've said this. me saying that i don't care about the leaks is not an invitation for you to try to#convince me to care about the leaks#do i tag this spoilers? it feels weird to. i mean this to be a vague overarching thing about media in general#also of course any ''or maybe the writers are just bad'' arguments ALSO are included in this. YOU guys have been my bane since FOREVER#would you guys consider commenting on fanart with ''umm.... drawing seems pretty pointless lmao'' rude?#i know this is not the first time i've made a post like this and i'm sure it won't be the last
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quick vashmeryl doodle i drew while i was on a plane
#trigun#vash the stampede#meryl stryfe#vashmeryl#rlly like how i drew meryl here…#might be a bit ia im in london Yippee !#posting late at night feels weird im bad with timezones
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he’s quite silly to me
#nates drawings#autistic michael canon trust!!!!!!#guys is my art regressing i feel like this looks ass 😭😭#i think it’s time to lock in and get better tee bee aych#but anyway i likr michael a lot#the girl commenting is chloe if you couldn’t tell#to me chloe is the type of person to be like ‘we’re best friends right!!�� to the weird kid in class#is this a controversial take im not a big chloe fan#she seems like the type of person to infantilize autistic people 😓😓#anyway im yapping so bad#idk why this drawing looks so odd i haven’t drawn michael in a little while#would you guys still like me if i told you i haven’t been drawing bmc because ive been kinda obsessed with henry danger yaoi#my deepest darkest confession#michael mell#be more chill#be more chill musical#bmc#bmc musical
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2024 art summary! it sure has been a year
#ever makes art#i bsky tweeted a bit but it feels weird talking there still so ill do my usual rambling into tags here :)c#i burned out super bad in the middle of this year for months where it felt like i couldnt draw anything good no matter how hard i tried#and the harder i tried the worst it felt - to the degree that i legitimately thought i wasnt going to be able to draw anything again#which sounds SO dramatic i know i know. but feelings arent always rational!!! and so many others things were going wrong at the same time#so it was strange putting together this year's art summary and realizing Huh. i did still have paintings to put in every space#that fear/anxiety spiral seems even sillier and more meaningless now that i have distance and proof of how irrational it was...#...but in reflection i'd like to think of it as proof that even when you feel at your worse it's worth it to keep trying...!!#after the Black Hole of Nothing i've been working every day on never ending doujin and xv anthology and orv sketchzine and merch#i can't say that i feel my artistic skills have like. improved or anything... but the passion i feel for the stories i read and#the stories i want to tell is still there!! and the happiness from getting to put form to those feelings large or small is worth it too#anyway......... lotta words to say tho i haven't posted much anymore and socmed is imploding and the world is dark#thank you very much for staying with me another year. i am - as ever - always grateful
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